#i feel like the absurdity of the entire situation is more apparent on the page

[russenoire]

in response to this post:

ONE-sensei is a bit of a troll, not gonna lie.

but... i actually like this ending, at least for comedy's sake. the stark juxtaposition of

'boy gets hit by a truck and his unexamined jungian shadow self flattens a city before he finally makes peace with it'

with

'and everything was just fine six months later'

is funnier than spelling out exactly how we get from point A to point B, because we KNOW — as the audience — that it wasn't 'just fine'. after everything we saw, how could it be?

subverted expectations underpin a lot of comedy, even dark comedy, especially absurdist comedy. MP100 is practically built on both. this story wrings a lot of humor out of sad, if not tragic, situations: witness shigeo's 'who told you you could pass out?!' after his home has been reduced to kindling. or ritsu's admission that he only recently stopped crying himself to sleep at night over his inability to bend spoons like his big brother. while he's letting shigeo know just how much he supposedly hates him in that alley.

not expanding upon the real-life consequences of said city-flattening is funny precisely because dropping 'i wrecked my hometown after nearly dying in a car accident on the way to ask out my crush when i was a teenager' in a conversation and just... leaving it there? would be fucking horrifying in real life. here, in the elastic magical-realist context of MP100, it's more darkly absurd than anything else...

more to your point, OP: in this particular series, ONE-sensei tells so much of this story by implication. the answers to some of your questions are in the text, only... alluded to.

this might get long. bear with me:

the fact that joseph from the government exists? and that he's an esper working in secret? implies that the knowledge of destructive espers might need to be concealed from the public at large, perhaps to prevent wide-scale panic or ostracism of espers themselves. i doubt the government was forthright with its citizens about the confession arc disaster or the actual cause, for the same reasons.

that suzuki's broadcast-hijacking world domination announcement is met with public disdain and ridicule, especially over social media? outside of our cast, no one actually takes his threat seriously until it happens. reigen's trash-talking claw's seventh division down to earth also shows how little respect espers who don't make themselves useful to society actually get here. he is, after all, just another member of the public.

that reigen agrees to take on haruaki amakusa as a client after the world domination arc in part because he's worried about losing business? people have begun to move away from seasoning city in the aftermath; whatever the threat amakusa's hyakki present, neutralizing them as soon as possible is best for reigen's continued financial health. i can see even more residents deciding they've had enough and leaving after shigeo's last brush with death. would you stay?

how many people know shigeo is connected to reigen, apart from the people they both know? out of his own inflated and fragile ego, reigen presents himself as a sole proprietor on his website; it doesn't seem his business or its reputation would be directly affected at all.

and the injuries caused? possible deaths? we get a taste: early on in chapter 100, several people are trapped and unable to move in a 地盤沈下 (jibánchinka, literally: 'land subsidence', which can apply to a sinkhole, a landslide...) shigeo has left in his wake. we only find out because a cop is being briefed on this and its cause while trying to detain the suspect for questioning.

but like all other bodily harm caused in this story, we aren't treated to the fallout. did the elderly ishiguro survive shou plowing him into the earth? did miyagawa die after teruki flipped his barrier onto him and broiled him in his own flames? did those high school bully boys live after shigeo cracked their heads open on the pavement like eggs? like, these are good questions. (i'm inclined to believe that all these people died, but many would call me harsh for saying that about an otherwise kind story. we never see them again, either way.)

shigeo actually has a healing factor of sorts; his jungian shadow self keeps plucking him from death's arms. we have no way of knowing if this is true for anyone else, because that isn't the story ONE wanted to tell. if nothing else, the mangaka's lack of desire to engage with this question of lethal consequences is at least consistent across MP100.

any questions that aren't answered either directly or that can't be answered by easy extrapolation can foster continued engagement with the material.

for example: we don't know what shigeo's parents think about much of anything in this story, besides how little they expect from him and how ritsu sets a standard they feel shigeo should live up to. this boy goes through hell multiple times and is never shown to confide in either of his parents about it, instead suffering in silence for some time until he finds someone he feels safe enough to talk to. all this gives me the distinct impression that shigeo just isn't that close to his mother or his father. i can understand why. it's actually kind of sad, even as readers' frustrated expectations of real-life parental involvement with — and confusion over — his and his brother's shenanigans also generate some dark humor.

this also establishes a precedent: since we never check in with them, by the time the confession arc rolls around, their opinion hardly matters. (but i'm sure someone has written a fic fleshing that out! i'm somewhat curious myself.)

#mob psycho #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #mp100 meta #shigeo kageyama #mp100 manga spoilers #confession arc #dramedy #magical realism #image description in alt #jungian shadow: the anime #ONE is a bit of a troll LOL #i like this ending though #you can fill in the blanks yourself #i feel like the absurdity of the entire situation is more apparent on the page #shigeo is an unreliable narrator #admittedly humor is subjective #one person's 'reducing the aftermath of a psychic catastrophe to a Noodle Incident is funny' #is another person's 'this is just lazy writing' #kageyama shigeo #分析

[spencerreidscoffeecup]

Chapter 2 | Tears of Tomorrow

TW: ED (anorexia), depression, self-harm mentioned, blood mentioned (kinda gory), mentions cutting, mention of family member dying (mother), abus!ve father (mentioned)

Reader's POV:

"Hello my lovelies!" I turned my head from my stack of papers as I heard the shining voice of the one and only, Penelope Garcia. I smiled softly and giggled as I saw her walk into the room, glowing.

No, seriously, glowing. She had put some sparkles on her collar bones and arms. I laughed in my head to myself at that.

She continued, "I was wondering if you, my crime fighters, would like to go get some drinks and food at the bar this evening.."  she glanced at me with an almost sympathetic look. I felt a lump of anxiety grow in my throat at the mention of food, and going out, but I was already isolating myself as it was.

For months now, my depression has been kicking my ass.. A lot more than it would usually.

       I was already struggling with recovery from my ED as it was, but once the depression kicked in, so did my lack of appetite.

I compare eating disorders to an alcoholic. An alcoholic is always an alcoholic, even if they have not had a drink in years. One small sip of alcohol, and they are back where they started. It is similar to having an eating disorder in that, when you stop eating and think to yourself, 'I will just skip dinner tonight, that is all', it never is just dinner. It then becomes breakfast, then lunch and snack- and soon, you stop eating all together.

That's why when I stopped eating because of my depression at first, the old thoughts that popped into my brain when I first struggled with my ED resurfaced.

And I stopped eating entirely.

Even when I got hungry, I ignored the ques.

     I knew everyone noticed. I knew they saw a negative difference in me. I saw a difference in myself as well. But I just couldn't bring myself to eat again. Or let alone take care of myself in any way, shape or form. Hell, I worked with profilers, they could definitely tell something was up.

I secretly wished that someone could come and pull me out of the darkness..

Being in a dark place is hard. It's the most terrible thing. It is lonely, and hopeless. It is awful. But, in the most odd and absurd way it is strangely comforting. In the dark pit that you lie alone in, it is cold, quiet, and amongst all things- although strange, it is comfortable.

It is uncomfortably comfortable.

No one wants to push themselves out of their comfort zone, especially when they are in a dark place when all you do is crave peace and comfort.

When people say that they want to get better, it usually means that they want to appear in the light again. They want to transport to the light. They don't want to have to go through the process that entails with being better. They just want to automatically be better. That is why it is hard to for me, and others, to actually get better.

Because the process of getting better is exhausting.

    It is like you have fallen into a deep and dark well, and you use all of your left over strength to climb out. To get to the light. The well is so deep that you can barely see the light.

But you climb, and of course, you fall.

You climb again, and you fall again, and then some.

Each time you climb and fall you get more and more upset, frustrated, and tired. And then you want to quit.  I started to use that small and shiny blade to pierce my skin, to control something.

It's not like I like the way it seeps into my skin and I start to bleed.  

No.

It helps me release my emotions. I wear long-sleeves and hoodies all the time so people don't see exactly how much of a mess I am.

I stopped cutting a few months ago, but I found myself holding the blade a few nights ago after a particularly hard case that reminded me of cutting.  

When I was younger, I was afraid to cut myself.

Shortly after my mother passed and my father began hitting me more, I began to use my nails to scratch myself. 6 years ago I began cutting. The cuts healed and turned into scars, which automatically made me hate my body more than I already did.

I rarely felt comfortable with people, or going out, but I felt like I found my family when I joined the BAU. Especially, Dr. Spencer Reid. He and I bonded over a game of chess on the jet over to a new case in Ohio. I beat Spencer at the game, apparently the only person who ever beat him besides his old mentor, Jason Gideon. Morgan made some remark about how Spence and I were soulmates and I blushed deeply. I was in love with Spencer. I have been ever since I met him.

     He is no doubt attractive, but the way he rambles when he tells some random facts make me fall for him harder. His intelligence blows me away, and his personality is the best. He is sweet, kind, funny, and overall the most genuine human being I have ever met. I knew when I first locked eyes with him that I loved him and will love him until my death.

Which to others, may sound odd, but I just knew we were soulmates. Which is why when Spencer replied to Derek's remark (even though Derek had turned back to look at his phone) with a blush and stuttered, "Y-yeah, I guess so," my smile deepened and my heart did 50 million somersaults.

Everything about him was perfect.

But, after his girlfriend, Maeve Donovan was shot and killed in front of him, I thought he would never go for someone like me. Maeve was smart. Incredibly smart like Spencer, and I was just above average. So I pushed my feelings down, which is inevitably the worse thing to do.

  Resuming back to the current situation, I calmed my breathing before I responded to Penelope's question with a, "S-sure Garcia, that sounds fun."

Truth is, I didn't actually want to go. I just wanted to seem normal.

In front of my desk I heard the angel, Spencer Reid, say, "Yeah, sure uhm I'll come."

Garcia nodded and walked, no, skipped away happily.

I turned to Spencer, and as though he could hear me and thought to myself, 'I love you', hoping that he could read minds.

Of course, he was a genius not a superhero that was telepathic.

He smiled, the most beautiful smile at me, and I mirrored his actions and started to blush, to which I looked down quickly.

       After about an hour or so, Spencer finished his work before me.. Not going to lie, I was a little busy watching his hand skim through the pages as if he had already read them a million times. Spencer walked to Hotch's office, passing my desk.

I could smell his cologne. It was comforting. Coffee, old books, some amazing cologne, cinnamon, and from what I could gather.. Chocolate.

I remember him biting into a Hershey Kisses earlier that Garcia had plopped into his hand after he walked out of her office to ask her questions about some Dr. Who thing, apparently quizzing her on facts about the series. After a few moments, Spencer came out of Hotch's office and gathered his things from his desk.

"Goodbye, Y/N. See you later!" He said to me as he smiled his bright smile.

I said goodbye back and watched him exit the building. I finished my work about ten minutes later and then went to turn it into Hotch.

"Y/N," he said to me before I exited his office. I turned around to face him and said, "Yes?"

   To which he replied with, "I was wondering if you were going to be going out tonight, everyone is going, including me." He said as he cracked a smile.

I always thought Hotch was attractive, hell, everyone on this team was attractive, but I always thought of him as a friend and fatherly figure.  

I responded softly with, "Yes I am." He seemed happy with my response so I said goodbye to him and walked out of his office to get to my desk.

 I gathered my things as I said goodbye to everyone.

"See you later, pretty girl." Derek said to me, before I walked to the elevators. I took the elevator, then walked out of the building.

Boy, this was going to be a long night.

_____________________________________________________________________________

AHHHH!! second chapter! i am trying to write alot because I am SOO excited for this story! Next, y/n and spencer are going to the bar! soon, some juicy stuff will occur i am just getting the basics down rn!

love you all!

#spencerreid #drspencerreid #spencerreidxreader #fluff #angst #criminalminds #wattpad #fanfic #criminalmindsfanfic

[afternoonpoppy]

Camping

Poppy awakens from her slumber, aaaaaa! This was for a commission but also something I’d wanted to sit down and write for a looong while, so this finally got me to do it and I’m glad for that. This turned out longer than I expected but I had fun writing it, so I hope it turned out well!

A bit of a chill had started to creep into the night air, but Allister hardly minded at all. Being sat by a modestly-sized campfire with Wolfram beside him, there was plenty of warmth to go around. And besides, Allister was camping again! 

Sort of, anyway - it was honestly more of a meetup with friends for the evening, and they weren't even more than a twenty-minute walk from Allister's house. But the group had gotten a fire together, brought out a cooler with drinks, and even found some sizable logs to sit on. Allister preferred fold-out chairs, but his cousin Sadie had insisted it would make the whole night more 'authentic.' Plus, it did allow Wolfram and Allister to sit closer together. In all, they'd ended up with about nine people gathered together, some of them being mutual friends of Allister and Sadie, with others being acquaintances invited by said friends. The total was 'about' nine since Allister's coworker Vincent had shouted that they were going on an impromptu snack-run to the nearest convenience store thirty minutes ago.

"Honestly, I don't know what she was expecting to happen," Sadie was saying very emphatically from across the campfire. While the group had split off into their own conversations and activities, she'd recruited Allister and Wolfram into listening to the evening's third rant about the obnoxious roommate she'd been putting up with for the past while. "Like, she was gonna yell at me and then just expect me to finish cleaning up the apartment for her? I am under no obligation to do her laundry, thank you very much." 

Marcus, the other of Allister's two coworkers that had been invited, walked over to take a seat by the fire just in time to catch what was being discussed and followed up with, "I mean, you gotta remember, Sadie. This is the same girl that thought she'd just hand in a Wikipedia article for one of her college assignments. You think she thinks this stuff through?"

Allister's eyebrows furrowed as he stared into the fire and tried to parse that statement. "Wait, as in she plagiarized a Wikipedia article, right?" Surely Marcus hadn't literally meant -

"I mean, I guess it's still plagiarism if you download an entire Wikipedia page and send it to your professor, yeah."

Oh. Allister nodded, struggling for something to say to that, but quickly gave up. Even if that anecdote weren't so absurd that it demanded speechlessness, he'd been content to let his friends steer the conversations of the night. Allister was just glad to hear what they'd been up to as of late, as well as to have a chance to sit outside and enjoy the wilderness. Crickets chirped in the trees of the woods and stars coated the sky up above, making a beautiful sight. 

That sight had been one of his favorite things about moving out here from the city. The other being that he'd been able to meet Wolfram. Wolfram who had spent the first part of the evening nearly dozing off by the fire after the walk to the group's meetup spot, but looked to have regained some energy now that he'd been sitting down for a while. He hadn't bothered to take part in the conversation much either and had also been focusing on either the fire or the stars for most of the night.  Allister wasn't very surprised, though. Considering this was the first time Wolfram had properly interacted with... anyone else in this world in person, Allister was just glad to get him out of the house. Getting into the car was still a no-go, but perhaps that would be another day.

"So, Wolfram, what do you do, anyway? You work, doing the whole 'actually trying to learn' thing, what?" Sadie asked abruptly, apparently letting the previous topic rest for now. "I don't think Allister's ever mentioned."

Allister's eyes widened and he glanced at Wolfram. The two had long ago decided not to mention the whole... 'magic and other worlds' situation to other people for any number of reasons. Not least of all being concerns as to what sort of attention Wolfram would draw as a (somewhat, at least) practiced spellcaster. It wasn't as if the pair hadn't discussed what their cover story would be to other people, but it hadn't come up very much as of yet and Allister couldn't help but worry.

Still, Wolfram seemed unphased by the question and smoothly answered, "I'm a writer. Primarily focusing on short fiction at the moment."

"Whoa, cool," Sadie said with a grin. "What do you write, like, romance, fantasy, sci-fi? Romance? I'm into romance if you've got any of that."

"Apologies, no. It is fantasy, my current project is a series of stories taking place in the same setting, so right now much of my time working on it is spent on world-building."

Allister was impressed at Wolfram's confidence in that answer. Sadie nodded, reaching into the cooler near her for a drink. "Neat. I don't actually read a whole lot, so no promises, but I'll try and give it a look when it's done. Either of you guys wants a beer?" She held up an extra can and tapped on the side with one nail.

"No, thank you," Wolfram said.

Allister shrugged. "Yeah, sure, I'll have one."

Sadie aimed to toss it to Allister but realized the fire between them might pose a problem. Rather than stand up and walk around it, she settled for instead trying to throw the can around the fire at an awkward angle, which resulted in it flying off to the side and rolling across the ground a bit. Marcus stared at Sadie with eyebrows raised.

"Uh, I think we can let that one settle there for a while," Allister said, standing from his seat to grab a can from the cooler. "Let's not ask you to throw things when you've had alcohol."

Sadie objected by holding up her freshly-opened can and saying, "Hey, this is my first one, Alli!"

"That was a sober throw?" Wolfram asked.

"Wait, shit. Okay, yeah, let's say I was drunk for that."

For a while longer, the conversation shifted back and forth through various topics among the group. Eventually, though, Allister glanced over to the trees around the campsite. He leaned closer to Wolfram and asked, "Hey, you wanna go for a walk?"

"A walk?" Wolfram leaned against Allister's shoulder. "Where did you intend to go?"

"Nowhere, in particular. I just wanted to stretch my legs and get away from the fire for a bit. We don't gotta go far."

Wolfram thought for a moment, then said, "We walked here and have to do so again to get home, so I would rather not. Feel free to enjoy yourself, though, so long as you don't end up lost."

"You sure?"

"I'm not frightened of people, Allister," Wolfram said with a smile. "I can handle any questions your cousin directs at me. Either that or I can ask her something about her housemate and let her talk for another thirty minutes."

"Hmm, I guess so. Alright then, if you're sure. I'll make sure I can still see the fire anyway." Allister stood up, stretching a bit, noting that Sadie and Marcus had both wandered off to the rest of the group and were yelling into someone's phone at Vincent, demanding they return from whatever had distracted them on their snack run. Allister had meant to tell them he'd be back shortly but figured he wouldn't disrupt anything if he just stepped away from the campsite.

Once he'd gotten some distance away, he noticed how quiet it was out in the woods. He hadn't been aware of the background noise his social circle's chatter made until he could hear the contrast in nature's quiet cricket chirps. It was nice out here. Much more Allister's pace than when he lived out in the city with his family, but this was the first time he'd taken the time to stop and appreciate it even after moving out here.

He leaned back against a tree, occasionally sipping the beer he'd brought with him, and started searching the stars for any constellations he knew. The answer was none, he'd always been terrible at telling constellations apart and never knew where one ended and another began, but at least they were pretty.

Allister's thoughts were interrupted, unfortunately, as a strong hiccup shook through his chest. 'HUP!' He raised a hand to his chest in surprise and instinctively tried to muffle the next 'HMK!' to follow, his own hiccups startling him as they broke the silence.

"Why n - HULP - now..." he mumbled to himself. As usual, Allister's hiccups were fast and obnoxiously loud. Considering it was almost unheard of for his cases to start up with no reason, he cast an accusatory look at the beer can in his hand. "Thi - HUC - this is you - HIC - your fault - HUC-UP!" He sighed - or tried to with yet another hiccup interrupting - and turned his attention back up to the stars.

Allister had planned to try to wait out his hiccups in the hopes they'd stop on their own. He preferred not to return to the party only to be a distraction for everyone. Unfortunately, he did wait for some time, looking back at the campfire now and then and eventually checking his phone to see that almost fifteen minutes had passed. It was becoming apparent that just the same as the hiccups didn't typically start without reason, they wouldn't stop on their own anytime soon either. 

Allister grimaced at that thought. He had wanted to be back by now, but here he was instead, without even so much as a bottle of water to try to solve the problem. He hated what he was contemplating, but he hated leaving Wolfram on his own even more. So, without putting too much thought into what a terrible decision he was making, Allister inhaled deeply and held his breath. In the past, that had always been a terrible idea, but maybe that had always been a coincidence?

Successfully holding his breath with hiccups leaping through his chest every other second proved to be more difficult than he remembered, and it felt like he ran out of air much faster than he would have otherwise. And he was forced to give up that effort and breathe fresh air when his hiccups abruptly became faster.

Allister immediately regretted his decision. "Wa - HUP - wait - HUC-UP - please ju - HIC! HIGK - just - HUK-ULP - h-hold on - HIC!" His attempt at talking his hiccups into calming down did little to help. Even worse, they had gotten stronger and were starting to hurt now. Allister would have said it was because his own body seemingly wanted him to suffer, but he knew this was his mind's fault instead, for thinking holding his breath might seriously work this time.

"Allister?"

Allister jumped when he realized Wolfram was now standing next to him. When that had happened, he had no idea. "Fr - HUP! HIC-ULP! - Fram, I - HUC-UP! HIGK! - what - HIC!"

Wolfram reached out and patted Allister gently on his back, a look of concern on his face. "Everyone at the fire is currently engaged in a round of trivia about media that is flying completely over my head, so I thought I would come to find you. And it didn't take me very long to hear where you were... Are you alright? Those sound worse than usual, somehow."

Unable to form anything even remotely close to a proper sentence at the moment, Allister could only answer with, "B - HIGK-UP - bad ch - HIC! HUC-ULP - choices - HUP!"

"I'm not sure what that - oh. Allister, did you try to stop them by holding your breath?"

Allister nodded.

"Haven't you told me that's the one thing you absolutely cannot do?"

Allister answered with another nod and a whine between hiccups.

"And why in the world would you do that?" Wolfram asked. "From what I was last aware, there are plenty of drinks available that you could have cured them with instead. That's at least had a partial success rate before."

At first, Allister contemplated how to phrase the answer in a way that his hiccups would allow, then settled for pulling up a note app on his phone and typing. 'I didn't want to bother anybody. My hiccups aren't exactly subtle.'

Wolfram stared at the message, thinking. "I hardly think anyone present tonight would mind as much as you think. You honestly did not need to make yourself suffer like this."

'Suffer' sounded melodramatic, but considering he was still putting up with nonstop hiccup after hiccup, Allister figured it wasn't exactly wrong. 'I know it was a dumb idea. But everyone's having fun, and I didn't want to be a problem.'

"Honestly, Allister, you worry too much about these things..." Wolfram sighed. "Though I... have also hidden in a crate to avoid being seen with hiccups, so... perhaps I am not the best person to hear this from."

"You - HIGK-ULP - what?" Allister asked, too surprised by that statement to bother typing his response on his phone.

Staring down at the ground and fidgeting a bit, Wolfram mumbled, "I, um, it was rarely an issue back home but I... did have a particularly stubborn case at one point and... Hiding away until they stopped seemed ideal..."

"But a - HUC! HIC - a crate?"  

"It - I panicked, I was in one of the Academia Arcana's storerooms to retrieve spell materials and - and I heard someone outside the door - the details aren't important. My point is, I do understand but don't do this sort of thing to yourself in the future, please."

Allister appreciated the thought, smiling at Wolfram and nodding. "Don't w - HUP! HIC-UP - worry, I - HIC - I won't."

"Good. Now then, I'll fetch you some water. Wait here, I'll be quick about it."

After a minute or two, Wolfram returned with a bottle of water, which Allister accepted gladly, trying and failing to state his gratitude, "Th - HIGK - thank y - HULP - you, F - HUC-ULP - Fra -"

"Just drink it," Wolfram interrupted. 

Allister did so, drinking the water in quick gulps between each hiccup. It took a few tries, but eventually, they slowed down somewhat and finally came to a stop entirely. He waited for a few seconds, still unsure if he'd genuinely been cured at first, but then finally sighed with relief.

"Better?"

"Much," Allister said. "Thanks, Fram."

Wolfram smiled and leaned his weight against Allister's side. "Very good. Shall we be returning to the camp?"

"Hmm..." Allister wrapped an arm around Wolfram's shoulder. "It is getting a bit cold, huh? I guess we should." He paused for a moment, then added, "But... Hey, how about we have a real camping trip sometime soon?"

"We won't have an oven for you to cook proper meals, then," Wolfram objected.

"I mean, I guess not. But you've never had s'mores before. Those are best when they're toasted over a campfire."

"I've heard of those... what are they?"

"Chocolate and marshmallows, Fram."

Wolfram's eyes widened at the statement, clearly intrigued. "When is your next day off? We can do it then."

Allister laughed and hugged Wolfram closer. "Okay, we'll talk about it when we get home. C'mon, let's head back to the camp before Sadie comes to chase us down."

#Poppy Writes #wolfram and allister #hiccup kink #hiccups #alcohol

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

One Scream or Two? || Leah and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: Coffee Plus PARTIES: @phoenixleah and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Sometimes reading can be loud :/

Kaden stood by the door of Coffee Plus, scanning the room, looking for a place to settle in and wait. They had agreed to meet in a spot in the back and there looked like there was one table open to the left. The book was cradled in the crook of his armpit, hidden underneath his jacket like it was some sort of contraband. He wasn’t sure why he was treating it like precious cargo, it’s not like Regan was there to see him with it while she was hiding herself away in the shed and she couldn’t know it was missing either considering he doubted if she spent much time in her apartment at all recently. Even then, it had only been away from her place for at most a whole half an hour. Still, it felt like a dangerous object, something to keep out of sight until the last second. He passed the table where he and Regan had sat on one of their first dates months ago. Date-coffee. It was strange to think back to that, how awkward they were, how sure he was that she was human after the iron had no effect. He huffed out a sad, small laugh at the thought. Who knew he’d end up here, smuggling a banshee book into a cafe trying to find out what curse it might have placed on his fae girlfriend the night after they almost got killed by their possessed friend. All while said girlfriend was hiding herself away because of her banshee powers. He sat and waited, contemplating how absurd it all was in his mind when he saw Leah walk in, giving her a quiet wave to join him. “Thanks for coming,” he said as he pulled the book from out of his jacket. “This is it. There’s something wrong with it. I’m sure of it.”

There were a number of reasons why it was important for Leah to help Kaden figure out this book situation, but two stood clear and strong in her mind. One, acquiring new knowledge on a potentially cursed, enchanted, or otherwise supernaturally affected book was like candy to her as a Scribe. She’d brought a small notepad to take notes on the off chance she forgot anything important. And Two, and more importantly, if discovering the secrets to this book could help Regan be more comfortable and sure about who and what she was, then it would almost be wrong not to try and figure it out. Plus, it was just all so interesting. She walked the familiar route to Coffee Plus like she had many times before, a bit apprehensive about meeting Kaden alone in person for the first time. They’d briefly met at Bea’s party, but there were far too many people there for it to have been a proper introduction. Would he ask for a handshake? Would he discover her for what she was? The last two times she’d met someone at a restaurant for the first time, they left discovering secrets about her that she never planned on sharing. She spotted him quickly and easily, sitting down with a small wave and a smile. “Of course”, she said, her eyes immediately roaming the book the second he took it out. “May I?” she asked, barely waiting for an answer as she pulled the book toward her. She studied the front and back covers intently, her eyes roaming to try and find anything that might clue her into its secrets. “Was this the only book in that secret room?” she asked, not bothering to look up.

“Sure,” Kaden said as he handed the book off to her, his fingers lingering on it as she took it from him. He trusted Leah, despite knowing little about her and not really properly meeting until now. Even despite her views on hunters. She’d helped discover the drug in question that shrank Regan and knew to keep her species a secret. She was close friends with Bea and knew about her resurrection. He had to believe that if she could be trusted with those secrets, she could be more than trusted with this, whatever it was. It didn’t make letting go of the book any easier. It was a betrayal enough to take it out of Regan’s apartment without permission. Sharing secrets that weren’t even his to have… No, that wasn’t what he was trying to do. He was sure this book was cursed or wrong or dangerous. He was trying to help. And if Regan would understand, he would have told her or asked. But that wasn’t the case, so this was where things stood. Not to mention, she had enough on her mind. He needed to find a way to help. This was what he could manage. “There were a lot of other books in the room. Shelves lined with them. None of them were in English or latin or anything else I recognized, though.” His mind wandered towards the moment, the day after when they trashed the room. It was supposed to be cathartic. It was meant to help. The anger released and let go. Instead it was hollow and empty, like the bies skull before it was shattered on the ground. “We, uh, well I threw one of the bookcases and Regan didn’t care, she’d started it, in fact. I mean, not that but the throwing things.” They probably sounded insane. Maybe they were. “Anyway, she didn’t mind that. But when she went to tear the pages, she screamed. Which, in case you haven’t heard it, not fun. And when I picked it up, she looked like--” He pulled his mouth closed, unwilling to voice the thoughts in his head. A monster, she looked like a monster. “She tried to tear it away from me. But that was the last of it. Other than taking it back with her from the cabin. I, uh, I’ve been too afraid to open it on the way here.”

So far, Leah was proud of herself for neglecting to bring up their rather tearse conversation on the internet. Normally, she’d never meet alone with a self-proclaimed hunter, but Regan clearly needed help and answers, and if there were a chance that Leah could provide them, she was going to try. Imagining fireballing Kaden would just have to wait for another day. “If she was telling me about the same book, Regan mentioned it was in gaelic, but I’m not so sure”, she mused, her eyes skimming rapidly through the pages. She furrowed her eyebrows, closing the book once more to look over the cover. “It looks entirely nonsensical to me.” There was a chance she was wrong, of course. She didn’t know enough about Gaelic that she could be sure.  If Kaden weren’t a goddamn hunter, they could have done this at the library and she could have taken a few copies. It would have been much easier to use the journals to do further research after he left. Would he notice if she snapped a few photos? She glanced up at him, slightly amused at his explanation. “Sounds like you two were participating in some good old fashioned destruction therapy, then? Not sure how productive it was to turn her family history into a rage room, but I can sympathize with needing to get some frustration out.” She turned the book over to look at the binding as she spoke, her eyes roaming carefully to catch any hint of an abnormality. “But this was the only book she went… wild over? ... for lack of a better word.” She pressed her lips together, letting out a slow breath through her nose. “When she reacted like that… did it look anything like it does when she, um… screams?”

“If it was in Gaelic it would make sense I guess. Given you know, ban--” Kaden started but coughed to cover up his last word. He almost forgot they were in public. “Well, you know.” It shouldn't have surprised Kaden that Regan had also reached out to Leah about the book. She’d come up with the answers for the Drink Me substance when no one else could. Hell, it was part of why Kaden reached out to her. A book about supernatural things that he couldn’t figure out? She seemed like the obvious choice. At the same time, he was almost surprised that she’d agreed to meet him after discovering what he was. There was a lot of contempt in her words about him, about what he was. He didn’t even fully know why. It sounded like she’d never talked to a single other hunter in her life the way she’d spoken. Still, apparently Regan was important enough to both of them to push things aside. “Nonsensical?” he asked, brows furrowed. “Do you not know Gaelic or…” He trailed off, leaning over to get a better look at the book as if his eyes on the page would help either of them figure out what was on it. His curiosity faded at her contempt. He wasn’t going to leave here without being judged. “Right. She started it,” he snapped back. “The only thing I destroyed was a fucking bies skull but by all means, judge away.” He practically wanted to rip the book away and walk out. He didn’t need this, didn’t need to feel this way on top of everything else going on. It was always like this with bleeding hearts. They spent so much time advocating that monsters were people too that they forgot that hunters were human. He sighed and leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. This was for Regan. He could fucking deal with contempt for her. “Just that, yeah. Nothing else in the room set her off. And she tore a lot of it up.” He shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat at her next question. “Her eyes went black like when she’s having a vision or seeing a ghost. No black veins so not quite like a death scream, no. Wasn’t that intense.”

Leah pressed her lips together, nodding in understanding. She wasn’t ignorant about the subject of secrets, and thank god Kaden, despite his suspicious past, wasn’t either.  She sighed, shaking her head as she continued to skim the book. “I don’t know Gaelic, at least not fluently.  But I’d like to think I’ve studied the alphabet enough to at least make out a few words here and there.” She knew she sounded over confident in her knowledge about fae and supernatural altogether, but she wasn’t worried it would out her to Kaden as a scribe.  Most thought they were dead, anyway. Her eyebrows raised as Kaden seemed to get frustrated, but she leaned back and let him defend himself. “I was just making an observation, is all. But I sense you’re picking up on my discomfort. I just think… the more things we can keep about Regan’s past, the better off she’ll be when she’s finally ready to learn about it all. But if you’re feeling guilty about something and projecting judgement, Kaden, that’s on you.” She sighed as she listened to his tale of what had happened with Regan, but the more he spoke, the more it reminded her about something she’d read about in the Scribe archives years ago. “Wait- black eyes, but no black veins?  And less intense?”  She sat up straighter, her eyes darting to the side as she tried to remember. Seemingly randomly, she pulled out her phone, scrolling through years and years of pictures to find what she was looking for. “A few years ago I...found a record of something similar” she said, gasping in success when she finally found the photo she was looking for. “I remember it annoying me even then, because, well, the writing in the book just didn’t make sense.” She showed Kaden the picture in her phone that she’d taken. It was a book that’d been kept in her archives for years, although it wasn’t part of their journals. The photo she’d taken was of a page, and though the letters looked similar to the ones in Regan’s book in front of them, it was nonsensical in it’s own way. There was reference to it in one of her journals, but she couldn’t quite remember all that it said. She did remember one thing, though. “I found out later that this book could only be read by fae…” There was no doubt, now, with all this evidence, that this book was connected to Regan’s status as a banshee.

“Sure sounded a lot like judgement to me,” Kaden grumbled. “And I’m not feeling guilty. You’re the one sitting there suggesting I desecrated her family history or some shit, like it was all my decision. But great, good to know that’s not judgement.” It was stupid. He didn’t need her to understand him or even like him let alone approve of his actions. Or Regan’s. That didn’t stop him from being annoyed by the whole thing. He was shocked he managed to keep from rolling his eyes. “Whatever, if it’s not Gaelic what the fuck is it?” he asked. Was she ignoring him by scrolling on her phone? Did she find him that fucking worthless that she coulnd’t even bother to-- Oh. She was talking about books. “You keep photos of records? How many have you kept?” His brow furrowed as she flipped through. Who kept track of books like that? Other than Rio. And maybe a-- She wasn’t, was she? His eyes narrowed a moment, as if squinting could provide him an answer or two. It didn’t. But she did, showing him the picture of a similar text. “Well, then. Guess that means we’re shit out of luck.” He sighed and sat back in his chair, arms crossed in front of his chest. He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or what. Or why. No, he knew why. It was another disconnect, another distance from Regan. One more thing he couldn’t touch or understand or know. Another divide and difference between them. Right. “How’d you find out, anyway? About that other book?” He sighed and brushed his hands over the book. “That still doesn’t explain. Why she would-- She never went to hurt me before. Ever. Hell, she’d never go to hurt anyone. Not if she could help it.” The words felt like a pit in his stomach. She couldn’t help it then. Or in the morgue. What if she never-- His fingers gripped the edge of the cover a moment. He decided to flip it open, just to see, just to maybe catch a glimpse of something, anything that could-- AHHHHHHHHHH. Kaden jumped back out of his seat as a wail tore through the cafe. What was it? Where was it coming from? Shit shit shit. He cursed and mumbled to himself as he fumbled to get the book closed. Quickly. “Sorry, sorry,” he muttered, hoping the patrons weren’t staring too closely. Shit.

“Well again, if you’re perceiving a harmless observation as judgement, then maybe you need to look at yourself and figure out why.” Leah shot, sitting up straighter. “And, again, no judgment, but is that not exactly what the two of you were doing? Desecrating a bit of her family history? Therapeutic or not, the two of you will never get back any answers you may have lost that night.” It was not in Leah’s nature to destroy books or paintings or artifacts.  Frankly, she didn’t understand why someone would want to do that sort of thing, rage releasing included.  Information is power, and destroying the past meant that you could not learn from it. It was irresponsible. “I don’t always”, she said, watching him carefully. “Only if they interest me”, she elaborated vaguely, hoping that would suffice. “I’ve tried printing this picture more than once, but it always turns up blank. This wasn’t the book itself, but a reimagining of what it looked like.  Whoever came across the book, for some reason, either couldn’t keep it or chose not too. And they didn’t copy it directly, either”. She sighed in defeat, sitting back in her chair.  Something was playing in the back of her mind that she’d read about the book in her records, something important that she couldn’t remember. “I don’t remember”, she said, her eyebrows uncharacteristically high. “I think it was dumb luck, probably.” Leah thought about it, honestly and truly she did. Because she knew just as it wasn’t her nature to destroy books, it probably wasn’t in Regan’s nature to hurt people. So what had happened between she and Kaden and the book must have been out of her control.  

She was just about to say exactly that, but the shrieks distracted her. Leah’s eyes widened and she stood up quickly, looking around at the other patrons before she sat back down quickly, embarrassed.  It was all she could do not to hide her face once she realized it was coming from their table. It wasn’t until Kaden closed the book with a resounding slam that she realized where the awful noise had been coming from. “Kaden, what the fuck?” she asked, her eyes still traveling Coffee Plus for anymore wary onlookers. She was practically shrinking under the stares. But then, suddenly, the pieces were coming together, and the thought that was lingering in the back of her mind earlier came to the forefront. “A fae book...Kaden, it’s…  we can’t read it, because it’s protected by fae magic. That’s why it looks like nonsense. That’s why it’s… screaming at us…”

Kaden still wasn’t convinced that she was impartial but he was going to let that point lie. Not without another roll of his eyes but all the same. “I broke a skull. And toppled a bookshelf. I don’t think that’s really going to be the deciding factor between getting answers and not. But what do I know,” he said with a small shrug, arms still crossed in front of his chest. “Seems like a lot of books interest you,” he said referring to how many pictures she seemed to flip through. The more he talked to her, the more and more she sounded like Rio. He wondered if they knew each other. They probably got along like peas in a pod. They could chat over books and discuss how much hunters sucked together. Wonder how it would go when she learned he was by all accounts a hunter himself.  “Well that sounds suspicious,” he said, referring to the previous book. “That had to be magic of some kind, right? Books don’t just do that. You know, look like nonsense and cause, you know, what it did.” He then gestured to the current book sitting on the table. Still, it struck him that she was well versed in a lot of this, the supernatural. She wasn’t a witch as far as he could tell. Not a werewolf either, of course, or any sort of beast. She could be fae. The way she talked about banshees was with some distance but that didn’t rule out the rest. Guess he’d find out eventually. Maybe.

“I didn’t know it could do that,” he hissed, under his breath, watching the startled patrons all around him from the corners of his eyes. Shit, well that wasn’t exactly helpful in their goals to lay low. His heart was still pounding in his chest and the scream still rang in his ears, but Kaden was sure the noise had stopped. He kept his hand on top of the book, making sure it stayed closed, almost as if anticipating something to jump out of it and force its way through the pages at any moment. “Uh, in case you’re wondering, it sounded a little like a banshee. Nowhere near as bad, though.” It was a loud scream, but it didn’t have the ear piercing pitch and power that came when Regan screamed. Not even close. Not that the patrons at Coffee Plus seemed to appreciate right at that moment. “Wait, you think it’s fae magic?” His brow furrowed and his fingers brushed along the cover of the book a few more times. Guess she wasn’t fae, then. “That seems too easy. And it doesn’t explain the rest. The, well you know, the anger.” Something just didn’t seem right yet, like there was an answer they were missing. “Are you sure it’s not cursed? I mean, it screamed at us.”

“Well, I run the library, so… I wouldn’t be doing my job right if books didn’t interest me,” Leah said as way of explanation. Kaden seemed to be inching into dangerous territory, and if he thought she was going to reveal herself to a hunter of all people, he had another thing coming. “No, you’re right, it was definitely a supernatural book. The question I have is, how similar are this book and the one here in front of us? If I find more answers about the one in my records, I might be able to help more here, in a way.”

If Leah could have shrunk into herself to hide, she would have. She glared at the book, as if it were sentient enough to control the shrieks that had just come out of it. She huffed out a frustrated breath, though the new information from Kaden was nice. So that was what a banshee sounded like, then… it was too bad she hadn’t been using her phone to record it. “I think that it sounded like a banshee scream to you all but confirms it”, she said with a resolute nod, pulling the book toward her again but being extra careful to keep it closed. “Most cursed books aren’t known for their screaming, but rather for the more subtle effects they have on the reader. This one’s not even giving us a chance to read”, she explained. Pushing the book gently back toward Kaden, she studied him carefully. “There is a chance that it’s connected to her, somehow, and maybe interacting with the book sort of activated it for her? The anger could have been an extension of everything activating. Or, I don’t know, really. If it’s an extension of who she is as a fae, there might be an innate, feral part of her that needs to keep it safe. It might help to encourage her to read it and explore it. Right now she might be the only one who can unlock it’s answers.”

“Oh,” Kaden said, voice small. “I didn’t know that.” Didn’t even know what she did. Made him kind of a shit person, didn’t it? At least he felt that way. Wait, it still didn’t explain how she knew about the supernatural. He sighed and supposed she was friends with the Vurals. Might be hard to keep it from her for that long. He reached and rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe he just shouldn't question it if she was willing to help. Her disdain for hunters still concerned him but there was really nothing to do about it now.

At that moment, Kaden had stopped caring what the patrons of the cafe thought. His eyes were on the book as she spoke, telling him that there was no way for either of them to read it or see what was inside, no way to know why it did what it did to Regan. “So it’s not cursed,” he said, running his hands over the book again. “And not dangerous to her. Just us, I guess,” he said with a defeated sigh. This book could be connected to Regan? A part of her. A part of her he couldn’t touch or even see or be a part of. Another for the pile, he supposed. “It was probably stupid to hope I could help,” he muttered mostly to himself. She needed answers. And he couldn’t give her any. He couldn’t help. Not like that, at least. He was so out of his depths he wondered if he was one step away from drowning. He wondered if he should just stop trying and back off. Somehow that felt like giving up, though. “Sorry if I wasted your time,” he said, eyes finally locking back with Leah’s. “Do you want me to grab you something? Coffee or tea? Least I can do.” Considering this was a bust.

“It doesn’t seem to be” Leah confirmed, licking her lips. Something about Kaden’s defeat was tugging at her heart, despite his proud status as a hunter, and she chastised herself for sympathizing with him. This year more than ever, she was learning that there was a lot more nuance when it came to hunters than she was willing to admit, but that didn’t erase that they were awful people for harming others simply because of their species. Still, it was obvious he cared about Regan- obvious that he wanted to help her and do right by her. “I don’t think it’s stupid to hope”, she countered after a while, leveling with him. “And I don’t think this was a waste of time, either. We might have figured out what this was, right? Even if it wasn’t what you thought… it could still help her. Once she’s ready to learn about it, it could help her a lot.” Maybe Deirdre would be able to unlock the secrets of the book, or at least… aid Regan in doing it for herself. “Maybe...if you know of other Banshees in town, maybe they could offer up a translation of the cover, at least. Regardless, what you’re doing here… trying to help her? That’s anything but a waste. The most interesting answers are often the ones hardest to find.” She slid her phone back into her pocket, knowing she’d spend much of that night scouring the scribe journals for any other records of fae books that might help the situation at hand. His offer stunned her, and she looked up at Kaden, pressing her lips together. “I’m not much for tea or coffee,” she explained, shaking her head. It probably sounded incredibly rude and dismissive, especially considering where they had last left off on the internet. “Perhaps a pastry?”, she offered after a beat, smiling gently. “Their chocolate croissants are to die for.  Especially when they’re heated up.”

Kaden gave her a small nod. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, at least know it’s not cursed. So. That’s progress.” He wished he felt as hopeful as she did. His fingers brushed over the spine once more before he pulled his hand away to rest by his side. Maybe he should have just let this whole thing lie all along. Hope was starting to hurt at this point. He wasn’t sure he could help or make anything better. Maybe he wasn’t meant to. Maybe he was nothing more than a distraction, something standing in the way of her training. He wasn’t sure where that left him. Didn’t matter right now. The book at least wasn’t a problem. “Yeah, I’ll let D--” Fuck. He was so used to talking about banshees with people who he knew were in the know of the two solitary banshees in town. “I’ll let the other banshee in town know. Or something.” He wondered how much of what was in that book Deirdre already knew and understood. Most of it, he’d wager. He wondered if this book really was important or not. And if it was, how stupid was he for bringing it to a cafe without her permission. Shit. “Well I hope you’re right anyway. That this is worth it.” The other patrons in the cafe sure didn’t think their endeavor was worth it. They were still getting the odd stare here and there, people trying to figure out what the scream was for. He gave some withering looks, hoping it would make them back off but in this town? It was hard to truly frighten people. “Oh, uh, okay.” Maybe he had misinterpreted and she really was only here to help Regan and nothing else. That was fine, he could take the hint. He was about to get up and walk away when she piped up again. His brow furrowed before he gave her a small nod. “Pastry, huh? Take it you’re not a fan of caffeine in that case. Alright. I can grab a pain au chocolat. They are pretty good. Best in town. But you know, they don’t compare to the ones back home. I’ve wanted to try and see if I can make any better. Worth a shot, right?” He offered her a small smile before standing to get their food and beverages. “Thanks, though. I appreciate the help.”

#wickedswriting #chatzy #writing #leah #phoenixleah #one scream or two

[chyrstis]

20 OTP Questions

Tagged by @risenlucifer​​ @tommymillers​ and @shellibisshe​! Here I am about so many days late, but I still wanted to do this, and I appreciate the tags every time. <3

Tagging: @sharky-broshaw @amistrio @foofygoldfish @softmillers @shallow-gravy @bimollymauks​ @himbopike​ @jmcolt​ @shelliechen @scarlettkat86 @guileandgall @honesthearts​ @geronimo-11 @seedlingsinner @ma-sulevin @fromathelastoveritaserum​ @raisinghellinotherworlds and anyone else that’s interested! There’s no obligation ever intended, however, so don’t mind me at all.

Guess I have no choice but to get a little more Hana/Sharky in I love them a little too much not to, though I may have to revisit this one as well (b/c I know Hana/John deserves a turn, as well as the three all at once. :D).

Art courtesy of the lovely @bintangy​!

1) who can outdrink the other?

Hana would try, but honestly Sharky would drink her under the table, and probably still be sober right around the time she’d offer to sing along to the next song on the jukebox no matter what’s next on rotation. And then proceed to dance to it too, all while Sharky’s trying and failing to wipe a stray tear from his eye.

2) who says “i love you” more?

This’ll have to go to Sharky. Once it’s official, he doesn’t have much trouble saying it, though he’ll often go for other ways of voicing his affection, usually with the sappiest grin on his face, and she loves every moment of it.

Hana’s a little more restrained with it. Not that she isn’t feeling anything as strongly as he is, but it’s easier to show him and to touch him rather than let it slip out. But she’s also been 100% guilty of dropping it on him in the middle of sex, so...in the heat of the moment anything goes.

3) who has trouble sleeping alone?

While the two can, and have, slept alone, neither enjoy it. It’s an empty space that becomes glaringly apparent unless someone’s there talking, resting, or snoring nearby, so even if they’re not sleeping side by side with someone, having that other presence helps. And with the other, once night falls they’ll always find the other fast, feeling content knowing the other’s never more than a few inches away.

4) who swears more?

Sharky, easy. Hana’s got no hope of reaching his record, though she’s not far behind.

5) who does more of the housework?

They try to make it an even split, but for the more annoying chores they’ll rock/paper/scissors it.

6) who forgets their anniversary?

They’re both guilty of this, because with everything going on at the time, neither remember the exact day that Hana said ‘fuck it’ and finally decided to jump Sharky’s bones. But they do have a decent guess as to which week it was, and it’s one of the first things that Hana marks down on their calendar in the bunker. And having an entire week to celebrate the other? Pretty damn awesome in their book.

7) who steals the duvet in their sleep?

Hana’s going to snag it, and turn into the most airtight burrito ever. There’s no hope of Sharky getting it back.

8) who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?

Sharky. Not enough to get her to leave the room, but some nights she’ll jostle the bed to see if that’ll help. It’s pretty hit or miss.

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

While Hana rescued Boomer, Cheeseburger, and Peaches during the game,   outside of that, there’s a decent chance she would try to attract a stray cat or two by leaving out food to feed them. Sharky wouldn’t really have a problem with that since he’s left some food out himself once or twice...but after repelling a furious skunk, he decided it really wasn’t worth it. Especially when they end up getting into the pizza boxes left by the firepit anyway.

10) who usually makes dinner?

Hana takes point with Sharky providing ample backup/fire support. It’s a passable affair with what’s available, but she can heat up a can of beans over a fire no problem. Anything fancier than that’s..debatable.

11) who plays their music out loud?

Sharky, Sharky, Sharky. This is the man that has a full-blown surround sound system set up at Moonflower, with everything cranked to the highest volume possible just so he could have some tunes to jam to while messing with the Angels. He’s got her absolutely beat. .

12) who hogs the bathroom?

They’re both pretty even, though Hana will absolutely hog the shower if there’s hot water to be used (and if she stays in there long enough, there’s a good chance Sharky might find his way in there with her too)

13) who gives the most compliments?

Sharky. It took zero prompting before they were together to do it, and after he’s just as enthusiastic about it. He’ll open his mouth and dive right into the most absurd statement ever, talking about how cool she is, how she should have three movies made about her, and she’ll immediately go three shades darker because he’s not even done yet.

14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

Hana. It’s not intentional, but she refuses to let him follow her into certain situations and places, and on the off-chance that leads to her getting caught that’s like a knife to the gut for him every time.

15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

Sharky, though unintentionally. He wants to put a smile on her face, and won’t hesitate to say or do everything he can to make it happen, which unfortunately means that Hana’s been the victim of a spit-take more times than she ever hoped to be. But she also laughed her ass off afterwards, so mission accomplished, Sharky.

16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names?

Sharky has a field day with them. Most don’t ever go beyond the bedroom though, especially when Hana’s laughing too hard to take any of them seriously.

17) who fusses over the other when they get sick?

If anything dared to bowl Sharky over for longer than ten minutes at a time, Hana wouldn’t stop until she’d found anything and everything he could possibly need to start getting better asap.

But Sharky’s really no better, considering he barreled into Nick and Kim’s place when Hana was on the verge of collapsing, and refused to leave her side until she was able to get up and move around on her own again.

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?

Hana. While Sharky will apologize first, she has no hope of ever staying mad or holding a grudge for long when it comes to him.

19) who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?

Hana. She’ll grope for Sharky’s arm whenever things go to absolute hell or they’re about to, and even when she’s not directly reaching for him, he’s already moving towards her, so he’s never too far to reach.

20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

They’re both pretty awful with this. Once the switch is flipped, and these two are well on the same page, Hana’s reaching for his hand, leaning on him, and standing up on her toes to get a kiss, all while Sharky’s half-draping himself all over her whenever the two are able to stop and breathe for more than five minutes at a time.

To any and all people they travel with they’d like to apologize, and do try to tone it down a little if they’re not exactly in private (sorry, Grace) , but they’re way too giddy and eager to really keep much of it contained for long.

#otp: hanarky #I'll just be forever soft for these two #and I have a feeling I'm going to have to start a future idea for them soon #just to indulge in that added softness #I kind of need it right now

[skeletorific]

CLASSPECTING TIME

You have no idea how fucking long this took. Also I’m willing to like hear ideas about this but as these are my personal headcanons don’t be like….weird about it ahfdksafd classes are FAKE AF and we are all just guessing bitches out here.

Ardata Carmia: Maid of Doom. A Maid is typically understood as “one who creates [aspect]/creates though [aspect]” for the benefit of others. The Doom aspect represents death, suffering, misery and destruction, something Ardata quite literally serves up on a silver platter for her subscribers. She creates (relatively) low stakes of misery for her subscribers to watch and enjoy, as well as to feed her lusus’ hunger for blood. Despite the apparent selfish motivations, its clear that Ardata doesn’t really enjoy what she does. At least, not for its own sake. Its a means to fulfill the role she believes society demands of her, even if filling it makes her actively miserable and very, very lonely. 

Diemen Xicasi: Page of Hope. A page is typically understood as one who “provides [aspect]/provides through [aspect]” for themselves. While his meal of choice may be some savory meat products, Diemen’s real bread and butter is his unwavering optimism. Not to say he’s always looking on the bright side, merely that he allows the miserable realities of being a homeless rustblood on Alternia to wash off his back. Like other pages that have proceeded him (Tavros Nitram and Jake English), Diemen has been noted to have an effect on people that makes them want to help him, without any apparent psiionic tricks to force it out of them. Furthermore, when he really wishes for something (and its usually hot dogs), well, things have a way of working out in his favor, no matter the twists and turns it takes to get there.

Amisia Erdehn: Heir of Mind. I’m gonna be honest, Amisia was tricky. Mind doesn’t on first glance seem like a natural fit for her. However, while there’s a variety of definitions for what an Heir does, I prefer the description of the Heir as someone who strives (or succeeds) to wholly embody their aspect. As such, Amisia is the pure embodiment of both Mind’s decisive problem solving and single-minded logical framework. Need paints? Well, blood is multicolored. Actual creation is difficult, yes, but when it comes to getting the right materials, well, there’s no one more driven and no one less deterred by mere sentiment. This isn’t to say she’s emotionless, merely that emotions are often an obstruction to her true potential, rather than an aid.

Cirava Hermod: Prince of Hope. Awful dark class for such a chill motherfucker, but like most things about Cirava, it makes far, far more sense in context. Hope is about convictions, about right and wrong, about doing what your internal code compels you towards. And, there was a time when Cirava felt like this. They would constantly get into fights on Chittr with highbloods, despite knowing it was risky, because they felt it was wrong to take credit for their work. However, the Prince is ultimately one who bring about destruction through/destruction of their aspect. Cirava certainly brings about destruction in a physical sense: they destroy their eye in order to prevent injustice. Likewise, they take the time to try and destroy their own connections to the hopeful aspect, attempting to kill off their morals and content themselves with keeping their head down and quietly streaming.

Skylla Koriga: Knight of Time. While Time is perhaps the aspect most bound up in the mechanics of Sburb/Sgrub, its ultimately defined by a determination to triumph despite the odds. In Skylla’s case, like Dave Strider, that desire is tempered by a sense that what she does should be for the sake of others. Skylla is one of the most selfless trolls we encounter, expressing generosity and kindness to a stranger even at her own personal costs and even expressing confusion when others (like Konyyl) are not so kind. Skylla, while she may slip into despair when the situation is pulled beyond her control, ultimately refuses to take anything lying down that she can fight against.

Bronya Ursama: Sylph of Breath. The typical verb applied to a Sylph is “one who heals through/heals their aspect” for the sake of others. In general, I prefer the verb “restores”, as it has a broader application. However, in Bronya’s case, that healing is for the most part literal. Breath is the aspect of freedom and individuality, which seems an odd choice for the rules-oriented Bronya. However, by looking at the people in her life it begins to snap into greater clarity. Bronya may restrain herself, but her presence provides freedom to so many characters: she gives the reject wrigglers a chance at new life even when the culling system would condemn them to death. The other jades are allowed the freedom to explore themselves and the world around them because, on some level, they know Bronya will protect them from consequences as much as she can. Bronya does not serve freedom or necessarily provide it wholecloth, but she restores it to others who would have it taken from them otherwise.

Tagora Gorjek: Thief of Space. Space is hard. Like time, its an aspect very bound up in the mechanics of Sburb. How Kanaya describes it, as concerned with propagation, didn’t seem to have much to do with a guy who doesn’t seem concerned with much more than the propagation of his own wealth. This is part of why Thief felt natural for Tagora: “one who steals/steals through their aspect” for themselves. However, as we’ve seen from Meenah and Vriska, while the motives of a Thief may often be selfish, it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily harmful to the party. The Thief will take the most direct path to getting what they want, but if what they want is the good of the party, then they make powerful allies. Space heroes, like Tagora, are creative and very aware of the way they go through the world. Tagora is environmentally aware, which is part of what makes him an effective legislacerator (and an effective con artist).

Vikare Ratite: Mage of Mind. The Mage, like the Seer, is bound up in knowledge about their aspect. However, they are often cursed by either an excess of or severe shortage of their aspect. Vikare, arguably, suffers from both an excess AND a shortage of Mind. On the one hand, atmospheric flight a logical first step before interstellar flight, and the fact that Alternia didn’t take that step is in fact, pretty fucking wild if you consider it. Vikare suffers by being (apparently) the only one aware of this level of absurdity. However, in other respects, Vikare is cursed by a lack of Mind when it comes to decisive action. Rather than actively pursuing his desires, he hides them behind an apparent embrace of his true role, and eventually has to have flight “forced” on him for him to truly enjoy it.

Polypa Goezee: Rogue of Breath. Polypa here can be seen to be stealing her aspect in two regards. One, she is literally stealing “breath”, or life (not to be confused with Life GODS ASPECTS ARE HARD) from her targets. Two, she is in some sense stealing their movement and independence, in particular from highbloods, who are not used to the fear of death impeding their choices in the way it impedes the lowblood. However, unlike the Thief, Polypa steals for the sake of others, whether it be working as a hired killer, getting vengeance for her lost lusus, or protecting her friends from the uncomfortable truths that would force them to act against their true wishes (as with Tegiri).

Zebruh Codakk: Heir of Doom. One who invites misery and despair wherever they go. Definitely sounds like how it feels when Zebruh walks in a room. Jokes aside, Zebruh is drawn to situations of misery and destruction (e.g., his attraction towards lowbloods) out of some latent sense that he can exploit it. If the Heir is someone who reaps the benefits of their aspect, then Zebruh certainly fits the bill. Likewise, the world is affected when the Heir is finally allowed to “Become” their aspect. Easily one of the endings most literal about it being a “doomed” timeline is Marvus’ bad ending; notably, its also the only ending where Zebruh dies. When Zebruh finally fulfills the promise of doom, the entire timeline goes down with him. That is very possibly some powerful godtier commentary.

Elwurd: Witch of Hope. One who changes their aspect/changes through their aspect. Elwurd doesn’t believe in shit if she doesn’t want to, and if she wants to believe something then damn it if she won’t make it true. She commits herself consistently to relationships that she knows are a bad idea under the presumption that she can change them. You can’t ever properly convince her that she’s not hung up on her relationship with Bronya. In the end, the only one who can change Elwurd is Elwurd.

Kuprum Maxlol: Knight of Hope. optimistic Duelist has a good video already on the topic and while I disagree with their classpecting for Folkyl ultimately I don’t really feel the need to add much onto it. Suffice to say, Kuprum defies fate for another person. Rather than let voidrot run its course, Kuprum volunteers himself as a battery for his moirail. While its perhaps a short sighted plan, its one that stems wholly from Kuprum’s belief in his ability to make a difference, if not for society at large, at least for one person.

Folykl Darane: Seer of Void. One who is wholly in sync with their aspect, in full understanding of it. Folykl is entirely aligned with the nothingness and emptiness associated with Void, being quite literally denied vision, power, and even the ability to ambulate on her own. Likewise, though, she has a clarity of vision in the metaphorical sense. She accurately assesses both Kuprum’s feelings towards Trizza and Trizza’s worthiness of those feelings, emblematic of Void’s disdain for a comfortable lie. However, true to the passive nature of her class, while she often chastises Kuprum for his feelings she isn’t ultimately willing to do more than bicker about it. 

Remele Namaaq: Page of Space. Initially I thought we might end up with two Thieves of Space, but what important to note is that whle Remele does steal artwork, theft isn’t necessarily her true nature. At her core, she’s an artist that has been forced to become cynical because of the society she lives in. Sburb roles aren’t just meant to embody you. Often they’re meant to challenge you. As such, her more derivative works can be seen less as the final fulfillment of her role and more the beta stage of her coming into her aspect. While it may not show in her artwork yet, Remele demonstrates a great potential for on the spot creative thinking that could potentially be bolstered into a powerful force in its own right. Likewise, like Diemen she demonstrates the Page’s intuitive ability to get people to aid her in her quest, regardless of whether or not its in their own best interests 

Konyyl Okimaw: Prince of Light (because gendered classes are FAKE NEWS). One who destroys/destroys through their aspect. Light is associated with both fortune and knowledge, and Konyyl can be seen destroying (and destroying through) both. Her matesprit, Azdaja, is the Mind aspect: he supplies knowledge to Konyyl, who in turn uses that knowledge to destroy the lives of others. Likewise, she’s heavily resistant to doing the thinking for herself, seeming to intuitively sense its not her role. She’s also a bit on the unlucky side (I mean, what are the odds of an adult troll being there at that exact drop off point) but can destroy the luck of others. By killing them. Worst luck ever. Also she’d look cute in the puffy pants don’t tell me otherwise.

Tyzias Entykk: Page of Blood (damn there’s a lot of pages in here its almost like most of these characters have yet to come to their true potential or something). While its not always the case (Jake English being a notable exception, to my mind), Pages may often start the game with a deficit of their aspect. Tyzias has a deficit of friendships. She mentions she doesn’t have time for any quadrant but her matesprit, who is arguably the only troll on Alternia more overworked than she is. Beyond that, her social circle is restricted to people she meets in class. Despite this, Tyzias has a unique capacity to reach out to other people, which, once tapped into her, makes her a force to reckon with, especially so far as the empire is concerned.

Chixie Roixmr: Witch of Mind. GODS Chixie was so hard. However, what ultimately unlocked it for me was the rap battle. A witch is one who manipulates/manipulates through their aspect. Chixie, for as sweet as she is, is a pretty effective manipulator. She keeps Zebruh on the hook without getting forced into a quadrant with him, she manages to sway the crowd into her favor (despite the fact that no one in their right mind should be siding with a bronzeblood in a highblood owned club), she even manages to get the Reader to act in her favor on certain occasions. She does this through clear, decisive action, and through careful combinations of absorbed information, all of which come to a head in the rap battle. Despite potentially risking everything she’s worked to build, she forces herself onto that stage and, under pressure, synthesizes everything she knows about the band from social media and her own encounters with them into some pretty sick lyrics.

Azdaja Knelax: Thief of Mind. Azdaja, as previously mentioned, is the information half of Konyyl’s duo. Utilizing powerful psiionics, a quick grasp of strategy, and a willingness to do whatever it takes (all of which can be understood as part of the Mind aspect), Azdaja manipulates scenarios into ones that will directly benefit him. Often, he quite garners literal monetary gain, but equally as powerful for him is the added notoriety his actions gain him.

Chahut Maenad: Knight of Hope. No title more fitting for a defender of the faith. Chahut has strong convictions that run to the core of her being, something vital to a Hope player. However, while her convictions may render her single minded, they do not necessarily render her selfless. When the player does not antagonize her morals Chahut seems happy to benefit them (although most players would probably not view being a sacrifice as a benefit). She is happy to learn at the feet of people who have earned her respect, and defend those like Amisia who she considers worth protecting, all of which render her an apt candidate for the Knight category.

Zebede Tongva: Heir of Light. One who embodies their aspect, often perhaps to the point of excess. Zebede is many things, but he is certainly knowledgeable, in particular about his interests. At times, that interest can be cute, but at other times it can lead him towards creepy and possessive behavior. He knows everything about Cirava, to the point that he feels comfortable posting fanfiction about their life. Likewise, he displays frustration and anger when he is not allowed knowledge (or, in a meta sense, is denied union with his aspect), as in hs bad end when the Reader implies they are talking to other people while at Zebede’s house. Zebede, though his method of expression isn’t the healthiest, at his purest form is really just curious about the lives of the people he watches, and allows that curiosity to overcome him. 

Tegiri Kalbur: Rogue of Void. If Tegiri embodies anything to me, its how much the temperament of a person affects their expression of their classpect. On first glance he and Roxy Lalonde have nothing in common. However, like Roxy, Tegiri has the ability to “steal” nothingness by replacing it with something else. He replaces it with order, imposing laws whether otherwise no sane troll would think to enforce them. By doing so, he’s not only stealing away the chaos associated with the Void, but also the sense of meaninglessness he might otherwise succumb to if he ceased to believe in Alternian law (much like a few other teals I could mention). Also like Roxy, Tegiri seems troubled by the sense that he may be irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, and becomes determined to impress his status as a hero of the blade upon us as quickly as possible.

Mallek Adalov: Witch of Time. Ok this one’s a little weird, but hear me out: a Witch, inherently, is about a refusal to accept your aspect as it is. Mallek demonstrates an understanding of the lacking nature of Time. With his Rites of Maturation perigrees away, he has a hard time coming to terms with how little time he has to do everything he wants to do. This might imply a Mage or a Seer, but what strikes me is not that Mallek wants to understand time, but that he is frustrated with his inability to do anything about it. We aren’t really told what he does after his conversation with the reader, but it can perhaps be assumed that, inspired by their words, he is doing what he has to to give himself the time he needed. Were an sgrub session to take place, he would be given the literal chance to do just that.

Lynera Skalbi: Maid of Rage. Again, whipping through an unusual class combo. The Maid is one who creates their aspect, for the benefit of others. Rage is not just about anger (although Lynera certainly has that in spades), but about convictions and truth. Lynera creates her truth and beliefs, and makes them in alignment to the people that matter to her. When she understands that keeping under the radar of Alternian society is important to Bronya, she becomes the bad cop needed to enforce those convictions. When she understands her making other friends is important to the Reader (and to Bronya), she immediately latches onto them as her nearest and dearest friendship. Ultimately we never see Lynera at a healthy place with her aspect, but she’s a dedicated soldier, ready to evangelize (or, create convictions) on behalf of the people in her life to matter to her.

Galekh Xigisi: Seer of Blood. The Seer is of course, associated with understanding. However, its important that unlike the Mage, one who already understands and suffers from it, the Seer is rather one who invites understanding. They may have a large knowledge base already as regards their aspect (a la Terezi with Mind) but are constantly on the hunt for more to the benefit of their party. Galekh, while he can be pompous and uptight, at his very core wants to understand people, and the people who matter to those he cares about especially. He is one of the few trolls to approach us with the explicit intent of forming a relationship (and deepening an existing one with Tagora). That wordiness and sense of self-righteousness likewise aligns him with our other known Seer of Blood, Kankri Vantas, although Galekh has arguably gotten more of a chance to mature than Kankri got.

Tirona Kasund: Thief of Heart. Tirona seeks to override the convictions, and by extension the “soul”, of others, whether by force or by persuasion. Her memeaganda is one branch of this, ingratiating the Heiress to people in a way that will make them forget the various ways in she has harmed her. Likewise, she goes rooting through the offices of their friends to dig up details about their personal opinions and politics in order to expose them for her own gain. Heart Players really can’t catch a break outside of Boldir huh. Speaking of…

Boldir Lamati: Muse of Heart. Unusual, I know, but then, she’s an unusual lady. Not much is known about the muse class, given that our only Muse is Calliope. Typically, the verb that I would assign to the Muse is “inspires” or “unifies”, as a contrast to the Lord’s “command” or “dominates”. Boldir’s strong unity of the self would likely explain how she demonstrates an uncanny awareness over the strange time activities. She is, arguably, on the verge of becoming her ultimate self. Likewise, simply by being around her the reader becomes deeply aware of their alternate selves. However, unlikely Dirk’s existential dread in the face of his splinters, Boldir inspires that peace and independence unique to the Muse class which allows her to transcend the division of self so often toxic to Heart Players.

Stelsa Sezyat: Knight of Blood. Together with Galekh, they’re two halves of a whole Signless kin. Knights defend their aspect and defend through their aspect. In the case of relationships, Stelsa does both. She is a loyal and caring friend, always on call for both the Reader and her matesprit Tyzias even when she disagrees with their actions. Likewise, Stelsa’s strongest asset, in addition to her boundless energy and organizational talent, is her capacity for networking. More so than perhaps any other troll, Stelsa understands that the key to victory sometimes isn’t what you can do, but who you know. In the event she goes godtier, though, the first thing she’s doing is ditching the hood. Not subjecting her hair to that, no sir.

Marsti Houtek: Heir of Void (side note, Inherit Nothing by phemieC may have been written for Equius but it is a jam and a half and kind of snaps this class into greater perspective for me). Like every troll on Alternia, Marsti has been forced most of her life to confront her limited options under the hemocaste system. True to her nature as a Void player, she seemed to have accepted her apparent irrelevance in the grand scheme of thing. As an heir, she embodies not only this irrelevance, but the enigma around it. We’re never truly given an insight into how Marsti actually would want her life to go. She seems resistant to any attempts to force her into some kind of emotional arc. Rather, she frames her actions in terms of simple “this is what I do” statements. Marsti is content with her own nothingness, and is frustrated by people who cannot accept that about her.

Karako Pierot: I uh…..really like the Lord of Mind theory. There are a lot of mind players in Hiveswap, but Karako, to me, embodies the karma aspect of Mind more clearly than any that proceed him. He either gets justice against his attackers, or, should he be killed, the reader feels compelled to enact that justice on others. Karako at once breaks the rules of his aspect (his illogical speaking patterns, his afterlife return to the Dark Carnival, the embodiment of whimsy and mystery) while commanding it through his will and the forces surrounding him. 

Charun Krojib: Sylph of Rage. If Lynera embodies the part of Rage that deals with convictions, then Charun embodies the more anarchic, confusing parts of the Aspect. However, they do not seem to use it for destructive purposes, but deconstructive. Charun meets the player at a point when they are feeling low and burnt out and angry. However subtextually, Doc Scratch’s imposition over their narrative is starting to chafe at them a bit. Charun utilizes that anger and that confusion into a tool for healing via their art. They encourage the Reader to make something. Doesn’t matter what: if it turns out crap that it can just be stripped down and made again. And working with those nebulous guidelines, the Reader is able to process their frustration into art. Art that has no set meaning, but who’s lack of stakes and general confusion bring healing to the reader. Thus, Charun embodies the Sylph’s restorative role. 

Wanshi Adyata: Seer of Doom. Seers are often seen as already understanding their aspect in some respect, but the role of Seer is one who is perpetually learning and understanding more about their aspect. Notably, Rose and Terezi are both still having revelations about the nature of their aspects and abilities even as late as Act 6, where most of the other players have broadly figured out their own as far as they need to. Wanshi has demonstrated a proclivity towards knowledge and understanding, being a voracious reader. However, we as the Reader are there with her as she takes her first steps into her aspect. Though no stranger to the suffering of Alternia, we see her experience death in the most direct way she has at that point in her life, and struggle to comprehend it. Depending on how Hiveswap goes, as she grows older she may be forced to reckon with this role, and part of her maturation will be whether she buckles under the negativity of doom, or successfully incorporates it into her worldview, allowing it to inform her without sinking her. 

Fozzer Velyes: Bard of Heart. Man, heartbound derse players just canNOT catch a break….criminal. In any case, the heart has to do with the self, the soul, and the identity. The Bard is not someone who destroys, but someone who invites destruction of (or destruction through) their aspect. Notably, bards often demonstrate avoidant personalities, often refusing to directly confront the things that scare them (as Fozzer with the ghosts), and are prone to talking big game but falling victim to minor hitches in their plans (as the Reader notes contrasting his cowardly reactions with his revolutionary spiel). Fozzer’s self is in fact destroyed over the course of his route, and rewritten by forces beyond his control. Its possible he will continue to enact this role on others. If we’ve seen anything from homestuck, its that bards are the ones to watch out for.

Marvus Xoloto: Seer of Time. Alright, so like I said, I’m like 99% sure we’re do for some kind of twist with Marvus. However, the Caprist sign he’s been previously associated with is timebound, and based on his bad end especially I’d say that’s a good fit. The Seer is the role I chose because Marvus doesn’t really seem to exert any particular control over his aspect, nor does he feel bound to serve it (actively defying it, in fact). Rather, he demonstrates a more in-depth of the machinations of paradox space and “canon” than any character prior, arguably even more than Dirk. Marvus may not successfully wrest control of the narrative, but he provides further insight into the function of doomed timelines, as well as some possible hints as to how paradox space’s pull can be resisted by means other than the retcon juju. 

Daraya Jonjet: Rogue of Hope. Something notable about rogues is that in their immature stages: a lot of them seem to initially covet their opposite aspect. Roxy, Rogue of Void, struggled with a desire for recognition from others (Light). Rufioh, Rogue of Breath, tries desperately to forge relationships that ultimately he isn’t ready to live out (Blood). Likewise, Daraya seems desperate to perform the anarchic and embittered Rage aspect. Her bad ending is her giving herself fully to these bitter teen “burn it all down” impulses. However, that’s not ultimately how she’s happiest. She is at her best when she learns to redistribute Hope to other people. Notably she’s the first person we make legitimate effort to connect with Tyzias’ revolutionary actions. Tyzias is a powerhouse in her own right, true, but she’s one person, and though her Blood aspect gives the the ability to connect to other people, as we’ve seen she’s not the best at rallying the troops (given that her attempts at a pep talk with Daraya fall flat with the Reader not there to help). Daraya, as she grows into her role and partners more with Tyzias, may be able to help with that, stealing the Hope so long denied alternian trolls and giving it back to the people with her rebellious actions. One things for sure: the two are stronger together than they are apart.

Nikhee Moolah: Knight of Rage. She weaponizes anger into her powerful arsenal, but arguably does do it for the benefit of others. In her good ending she strengthens the reader to their utmost, actually reaping muscular benefits as a result. Likewise, her fights are (arguably) a place of catharsis for Alternian trolls and may draw in more outsiders (given the only non-clown purple we have ever seen is….there PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS NOT CLOWN TO ME WHAT’S THEIR STORY). That anger becomes just as powerful a tool turned against the Reader as it is for the Reader, but ultimately Nikhee seems to do what she does for the good of her audience.

Lanque Bombyx: Thief of Life. Insert mandatory vampire joke here, but its not far off from how Lanque goes about his day to day. Life isn’t just about literally being alive, its also associated with growth, betterment, and positivity. We see Lanque take these things, especially from Lynera. While the amount of growth Lynera really demonstrated is VERY debatable, its hard to argue that Lanque immediately shut down the first attempt at reaching out to someone romantically that Lynera has done for anyone but Bronya, immediately turning it into an opportunity to put the moves on someone else. This may nudge him into the Prince class, but I think its more accurate to assert that Lanque isn’t destroying his aspect, necessarily, as he certainly seems to benefit from it. Instead, he’s simply ensuring that no one else gets it. Lanque is childish in temperament, and may assume that other people are as slow to mature as he is. Likewise he displays the Thief’s attitude that “I should get what I want if I’m smart enough and strong enough to take it” that we see with both Meenah and Vriska. Like both of those characters, he’s not necessarily doomed to evil behavior, merely that its more realistic to hope that he’ll start to see the good of the party as beneficial to him as well, rather than wish he’d just lose his self-interested ways (as Bronya does).

Barzum and Baizli Soleil: the fact that these two embody two different aspects (Breath and Doom respectively) seems to imply that there is at least some difference between the two twins, but whatever it is is hard to riddle out, given that they effectively switch personalities on a whim. As such, its possible to see Breath and Doom as merely two potentials towards which they could drift, either becoming more and more individuated as they embrace their Breath aspect or more and more singular as they embrace Doom. As such, I would probably assign them both the page role, as they are both untapped potential yet to mature enough to really embody anything but chaos.

#PHEW #that took forever #way more than i was expecting #but it did force me to dig more into class i guess #hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #ardata carmia #diemen xicali #amisia erdehn #cirava hermod #skylla koriga #bronya ursama #tagora gorjek #vikare ratite #polypa goezee #zebruh codakk #elwurd #kuprum maxlol #folykl darane #remele namaaq #konyyl okimaw #tyzias entykk #chixie roixmr #azdaja knelax #chahut maenad #zebede tongva #tegiri kalbur #mallek adalov #lynera skalbi #galekh xigisi

[hecohansen31]

Preying On You:

(Vampire! Sojourn! Michael+Reader):

(A/N): Hello lovelies!

I have a lot to say before this fic so please excuse my sorry ass, for blabbering and let’s get this over with!

First of all this fic is dedicated to the lovely @sojournmichael (she is literally the sweetest person ever, and like I believe that humanity has a chance because she is alive) since she is actually a fan of vampire Michael so... hope you’ll enjoy this babe!

(Also big shoutout to @moonanonwriting who ispired a lot of vampire asks, Eva’s page, she is amazing and an aesthetic goddess, so be sure to check her out!).

(And also to @dyns33 who has a vampire foursome which is *chief kiss*, love you babe!).

Now personal thing: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE YOU FRIENDS ALONE AT NIGHT (both males and females)! I have been left a shit ton of times by my friend alone and although I am still here to tell the tale, it costs you nothing to accompany your friends and avoid them being alone and you might save a life.

Also the vampire society in this fic is inspired to the one of “The Black Dagger Brotherhood” (those are my favorite vampires books, highly suggested, if you are looking for smut and hot males!); if you need any more info on this world, please let me know both in asks or DMs.

I would love if you could leave an heart or a reblog (mostly because lately my fics are dying so...) and if you ever want to talk with me about it, my DMs are eternally open and my asks can also be anonymous, I love my shy babes!

Hope you’ll enjoy this!

SUMMARY: What was supposed to be a girls’ night out turn out much more bloody than what ou expected, but there might be some advantages to meeting a vampire...

WORDS: 6,6 K

WARNINGS: Unprotected (DON’T FORGET CONDOMS, KIDS), Rough Sex, Dub-Con, Blood Consumption and Blood Kink (THERE WILL BE BLOOD, KIDS!), Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Kidnapping (and mention of sexual trafficking, alongside use of drugs to kidnap), Michael being a bit of a stalker...

She wasn’t supposed to be alone on her way back to the train station, after her girls’ night out she had had.

Her friends had promised her that they would all be taking the train and then go back at home, at a decent hour of the night.

But what actually happened was that her friends actually leaft her alone, because of boys they had just met.

She had thought that the magical experience of fucking somebody at a beach party would be less entertaining than actually bringing your friend, safe and sound at home, avoiding her the walk of shame, between drunk and high people, not to talk about the perverts that without no alcohol would have taken her in an angle and pushed an hand over her mouth…

She tried not to think about what might happen to a girl in a party dress, a bit too short and provocative (still she was sure she could have worn her most conservative dress and she would have still gotten idiots whistling at her) with nothing in her little purse (she damned the choice, certainly comfortable for dancing but she could have barely fitted inside the little clutch a little bit more than her ID, a box of tissues, her keys and her phone) that she could use as a weapon.

At first she had tried to beg her friends but they had just waved her away, a bit plastered from all the alcohol they had in their veins, clinging to the guys they had chosen for the night, exchanging glances which clearly said “we are getting laid, tonight”.

“Girls, I seriously don’t feel like I can go back to the train station, alone” she had tried to insist, pleading with her eyes her friends and their one-night-stand, trying to do her best to get them to understand her own worries…

… but apparently being drunk took all the compassion away from your soul.

They had denied immediately her request and the two guys had told her to “shoo away” and find herself somebody, which she wouldn’t do, since not only she had some respect for herself but she didn’t feel attracted by any of the guys there, alongside being unable to enjoy herself at those parties.

But she had decided to give it a chance after her friends had begged her to go, calling her “an asocial dumbass” and she had decided to try it, just to make her friends happy.

Now she realized that the next time she would have closed the door in their faces gladly.

…if she lived to see another day.

She knew she was being dramatic: nothing would be happening to her.

But still she didn’t feel, safe in the slightest.

The journey was in plain light and it was barely ten minutes if she walked fast, alongside being crowded because of all the clubs in it.

But she still felt threatened by even the slightest smile sent on her way, judging it was better just to fake being on her phone with her headphones on.

She was halfway through a very serious recount of her day to her imaginary friend, when she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

She honestly didn’t want to turn around, expecting it to be either some guy wanting to flirt with her, or some drunk guy asking her if he had seen his friend, when he was right behind him.

But she reasoned with herself too late and as soon as she got all those ideas on who it might have been, she just turned around to be met with an elegant middle-aged woman, sporting grey hair and  wearing an elegant vintage outfit.

She seemed so out of place, both for the fact that she was much older than the guys she was with, but her entire outfit gave the idea that she wasn’t there to dance the night away.

She had this dark and off vibe that clearly shouldn’t have belonged to a middle-aged and smiling woman, but she blamed her paranoid brain for that sensation (she had even felt like a tree was threatening her with its shadow).

She smiled shyly at the woman, who instead was extremely open and straight up assumed the lead of the situation, grabbing gently her arm.

-I am so sorry to bother you, but my dog has run away and won’t come back to my car… so I was thinking that you might help me with guiding him back to it…- although it seemed ridiculous the lady smelled of dog, and she looked over her car, which was right in front of the crowded club she had been stopped at.

It didn’t seem a dangerous situation, in the slightest, mostly because she tried to release any tension in her body, thinking she was just being too paranoid.

Nothing would happen… and even if it would… she had her phone, she was in crowded and illuminated place and her attacker was an old lady, which she could easily overpower if she turned out to be a drug-dealer.

-… oh ok, but…- she looked at her phone to check the hour, realizing she could spare only five minutes for the “dog mission”, since she wanted to arrive at the train station a bit early in order not to miss the last train of the night -… I am a bit … late to a thing-.

-It will take you just a minute! – the old lady smiled, pleading her with her blue eyes -… and I will be eternally grateful to you for saving my little Dahlia-.

She just took a deep breath and followed the woman which swiftly walked over to the next side of the road, meanwhile she kept on checking her phone and she was immensely relieved to see the dog, a small white poodle, who looked more scared than her, and which immediately the woman tried to calm down.

The woman moved on his other side, meanwhile signaling to her to keep her position, trying to distract the dog from her, and when the dog started slowly barking towards its owner, happily and with too much energy, she snatched him up, almost dying under its weigh.

The poodle might have seemed small, but it actually weighted much more than she had imagined.

But thankfully the woman, its owner, was in front of her, holding out her hands in order to make her leave there the puppy which, although moved a bit, clearly uncomfortable, seemed unthreatening and didn’t try to escape again in her owner’s hands and neither to bite her.

She smiled at the old woman and made to turn around, but the woman just grabbed her arm, this time more roughly and immediately she felt the bad feeling in her gut return.

-Would you stay for a few minutes? Just to make sure that Dahlia won’t run away- she mumbled, meanwhile smiling gently at her, easing the bad feeling in her stomach, which got her to nod, since she was already in time to arrive early at the station, and moved on the other side of the car, the dark one, near the bushes, to open the door and let the woman put the dog in its cage.

The music was a bit too high and the choruses of drunk people didn’t help: she herself found at unease and a bit hazed by the entire atmosphere so she didn’t see the hand that came to her face with a tissues smelling weirdly.

It suffocated her immediately and she wasn’t able to do anything else but try to fight weakly, but quickly darkness took over, all of her senses shutting off and she fell in her worst nightmare.

As she woke up, she soon realized two things: she was blindfolded and naked.

Perfect: now old ladies were kidnapping people for sexual trafficking.

Was she on a “Law & Order SVU” episode?

But most importantly… was she seriously humoring this entire situation?

She had just been kidnapped and worst of all she would probably be used for sexual stuff she had seen on TV, and she was restrained to something which looked like a bed, without the mattress on it, since the coldness of metal bit in her skin.

She started hysterically crying, alternating it with laughs, at the absurdity of the situation and damning herself for not having trusted her guts.

If she ever came out of this, she would absolutely only trust her damned gut.

After the hysterics downed, she started trying to test the restrain, trying to do the movie thing of thrusting up her hands, but she immediately realized that they weren’t chained with rope, but with metal again, trying the same with her legs, which were more powerful but she was only able to thrust up a bit.

After this, she tried getting her hands out of the handcuffs but she was only able to scratch her skin.

This got her to stop anything and go back to her crying, immediately falling down the rabbit hole of overthinking, completely losing her mind, and tears spilling over her cheeks, her make-up ruined, meanwhile she tried to at least to avoiding sharing her shameful naked state, clinging her legs closer, and trying to crunch herself on her side, to ease her breathing.

She was just a few step away from a panic attack.

And then it all got worse, because she heard voices outside the room she was in.

She immediately got quiet, pushing up her ears in order to listen what was going on, thinking it might help her.

“My lord, the girl is waiting for you” perfect she was in a high-end brothel…

“Madeline, I already told you…” the tone seemed annoyed and tired and she almost cheered at the thought that he wouldn’t maybe… do what he was supposed to be doing with her…

“I know!” the tone of the woman was clearly saying that she knew they already had this conversation, but she wasn’t done “… but you will grow more and more weak if you don’t feed”.

Wait! Feed?!

Where the heck had she ended up being at…?

Was this a cannibal family?

She honestly preferred the high-end brothel option…

“I… am scared…” he mumbled shyly, almost childlike “… I have never done this before, with an alive being and not a blood bag”.

This was getting even more creepy.

She tried to close her eyes and repeat continuously “I am going to wake up… I am going to wake up… I am going to wake up…” but she didn’t open her eyes in her bed, and the feelings of the metal burning in her legs and hands hurt her, meanwhile the roughness of the blindfold pinched her and irritated the skin of her lids.

She couldn’t see much with the blindfold but the room in which she was in was immersed of red light, which brought her back to the hypothesis about it being all an high-end brothel… for clients with peculiar taste.

“She is restrained, my sweet boy, she won’t hurt you” the woman seemed to have moved closer to the boy, who instead just yelped softly “… just go and satiate your need, my lord”.

And with this being said she heard the swishing of the door and the soft steps of the old lady, Madeline and the stumbling of the boy, who quickly came in front of her, since his breath seemed closer.

She heard him take a deep breath, after having sniffed for a bit the air in the room (she was sur it was pretty stinky because she had sweated off all her anxiety and body liquids).

“I can see that she is to your liking” mumbled the woman, proudly and she just felt even more ashamed by the entire thing; she was almost angry for being treated like an object, being judged in her most vulnerable form by two strangers “… I thought you would have loved such a virginal look”.

Hadn’t she thought it was better to be unresponsive and hadn’t she been restrained she would have gladly fought against the two of them, for that treatment.

“Madeline, leave us” his voice from bothered and childlike had grown much darker and deeper and she couldn’t help a thrill from disappearing under her skin.

The worst thing was that she didn’t know if it was because of fear or arousal, which had started growing between her legs.

Perfect timing.

She heard the door closing and almost wanted to scream for the lady to come back, knowing perfectly that nothing good would be coming.

He moved closer to her on whichever surface she was propped on.

She immediately shrank away from him, pulling on the restraints, to push herself away to avoid any contact with him and he sensed it, an hand swiftly pushing herself on her face, caressing it gently to calm her down, but she just started sobbing, feeling like it might just make the things seem just worse.

-…. I am not going to hurt you, little thing- he mumbled, his hands moving gracefully, his other one joining his twin on the other side of her face, cupping gently her cheeks, as if he was trying to take a good look at her face -… you are so beautiful-.

She tried to take deep breaths, but the constriction of the restraints made her feel too caged to breath properly, meanwhile a panic attack was shaking her body, colors exploding under her eyes and she scrunched them closer, trying to avoid taking a glance to her assaulter.

-… but the fact that you are scared is making your delightful smell appear much more bitter, and I have a sweet tooth-.

How could he joke on something so dangerous?

This got rage coming oozing from her.

She fought, twist her hands and crunching her legs closer so that she might hit him with them, but nothing seemed to work, his hold became powerful, squishing her cheeks and he maneuvered himself so that he could stay on her and stop all her possibility of movement.

-… and now rage… it has a salty smell- he mumbled, meanwhile he tried to restrain her more softly, noticing (or maybe smelling?) her discomfort -… we need you to relax, little bird-.

-Don’t call me pet names- she gritted between her teeth, spitting out, thankful they hadn’t shut her mouth, although she feared he might after her little stunt.

-I don’t think that you are on the position to make demands- he intimidated her, his body suddenly being pushed on her naked one, the soft fabric he wore gently tickling her body and again… arousal shot through her veins -… much better, little fledging, I like the thought of my preys being in the throes of pleasure, meanwhile I feed from them-.

-Whatever you have in mind dirty bastard, I will make your life a living hell, when I get out of here- she pushed again, the chain not relenting, but he gently very gently moved some of her hair away from her face, a gesture which took her breath away.

-I am not the bad guy here, pretty girl- his tone had lowered an octave -… I don’t intend to make you feel bad in the slightest, I want you to actually enjoy this-.

-Untie me and let me kick your balls- she ordered her voice becoming much more high-pitched, hearing a laugh rumble on his chest which was pressing against hers -… that would make me feel much better-.

-That seems pleasurable only for you, my dear- he was now completely laying on her, his body pressing softly into her, with much more insistence than she was used, but her body didn’t seem to mind it, her entire features relaxing under him -… and I am actually working on our conjoined pleasures-.

-I am restrained, taken here against my will and scared as fucked- she replied, her hands making compulsive moves to accentuate her situation -… I don’t know how I can enjoy any of this-.

-Some people enjoy restraints- he said with a tone which said that he clearly did, and a smirk she could hear hinted in his words -… and I assure that no harm will come to your way, and to prove this I will unlace your blindfold, so you might calm down a bit-.

-What about my handcuffs? – she tried, smirking slightly or trying to, unsure of what getting her blindfold off might mean; he could try to kill her now that she knew his face, but also it brought some relief to her panicked state, although she wasn’t sure that she wanted to see whatever her assaulter looked like -… you are not going to kill me if I see your face?-.

-I stated that no harm will come your way and I will swear on anything unholy I know in my heart- except the “unholy part” of the discourse, everything seemed honest and sacred, enough that she let herself trust him, since her body was already on its way to succumb to him.

He unlaced the knot behind her blindfold, which she soon realized was just a rough piece of fabric, but she still kept her eyes closed, breathing slowly, trying to regain her composure and finally face him.

Her eyes slowly opened, adapting themselves to the soft red light in the room, which filled the room, sculpting even more his elegant traits.

Because what she had in front of herself was a god.

Perfectly soft blond hair, which gained a strawberry dye in them thank to the red light, meanwhile his face was elegantly sculpted, with traits soft and sharp, highlighting its perfect skin, smooth enough for her to want to touch him, her hands pushing against the chains, and he smirked at her impatience, his plump mouth immediately coming to her focus.

-You have the prettiest eyes- he breathed out, and a gentle kiss was pushed between them and she mumbled dizzy, on the affection he was showing her, cradling her gently:

-… you are so handsome- had she been drugged?

Her voice had come out in a rough gasp, arousal in it.

His eyes, two pool of azure eyes, famished and hurt, looking at her as if she was his only source of hope, the intensity in them made her blush and coat her thighs even more with her arousal.

He lowered himself and gently he kissed her.

Apparently his assaulter had a sweetness to himself she didn’t believe in, grabbing her face, being so careful that she might break and his lips gently caressed hers, just a little pressure, leaving here asking for more and as soon as he pushed himself away, she pouted up her lips to ask for more, hearing a giggle being pushed on them.

-… see… you are enjoying it- he laughed, before grabbing her legs gently, caressing them from her calves to her thighs, just a breath away from the true center -… and it will be only better from now on-.

-I’d still prefer to be free, and not restrained- because she couldn’t seriously deny what her body was asking for, and somehow his promise seemed genuine and true.

-As much as I believe that you would be on your best behavior if I release you from the hold of the chains…- his tone was joking and everything in him was teasing her, coming closer to her neck  -… I don’t believe that would be a good idea for me-.

He dosed kisses on her neck, giving her collarbones special attention, nibbling on them, meanwhile she moaned softly, her nails biting in his skin, meanwhile he slowly became more unhinged, bites being laid out and his clothed manhood pressing against her center, which had slowly started to leak on him.

-… but I feel uncomfortable- she complained, but the last part was quickly turned into a moan, when he started sucking on her neck, before his light stubble brushed over it and thrills started shrinking on her spine.

-I will make you feel much better soon, angel of mine- he promised, a kiss being laid on her forehead, before gently his nose started moving down her body, his lips marking each space he liked (which was anywhere) before he just stopped over her little Venus mound, staring at it with an intensity that made her close her eyes and whimper, unsure of herself.

Till she saw his amazed face, like a kid put in front of candies.

His tongue darted out between his lips, flicking teasingly between her folds, just searching a tiny taste of her, which brought immediate ecstasy to him, scrunching his eyes closer and smiling gently, as if he hadn’t expected less from her: sweet outside and inside.

And she gripped the chains to get some balance, unprepared for what his tongue promised and kept doing as soon as he got the hint that she enjoyed it.

He pushed himself closer to her, his tongue gently mapping her out, avoiding carefully her pearl of pleasure, and just exploring her folds, collecting the wetness on it, before laying gentle wet kisses on her thighs, letting her enjoy a moment of peace.

-… feeling better? – he looked slowly better at her, between long lashes, and she couldn’t help but feel a mess, tears and red cheeks on her face, not to talk about the state of her hair, which had brushed ungracefully against the surface, but he just looked at her as if he was seeing a masterpiece -… because you just made me even more hungry for you-.

And to point it out, he sucked a hickey on the frail skin of her inner thigh, his teeth pushing and pulling on her skin.

He then breathed on her pearl, delightfully engrossed, pushing through her folds and revealing itself softly to her assaulter, who then latched himself on it.

He started sucking and gently his hand reached out for her right nipple, twirling it between his fingers, pulling it and pulling out a moan, from her.

Then his tongue moved between the folds , again, patterns being delicately described on them, before he just started licking as if he was following his own pleasure and not hers, feeding himself on her excitement and ambrosia, and she pushed and pulled on the chains, just to get her hands in his soft hair to pull them and push him away, her sensitivity increasing with each step that brought her closer to her orgasm.

And it was in this situation of extreme pleasure that she was brought back by a sudden bite down her left inner thighs, almost as painful as the prick of a blood test, but a finger pushing on her clit brought her back in an ecstasy state again, although she wasn’t in the hazy atmosphere of the pre-orgasmic pleasure.

She tried to push herself up to understand what was going on, but the hand on her nipple, pushed her back, keeping her anchored down, but she soon heard other than the prick, sucking on her thigh, different from the one that had left the hickey, as if he was sucking something out of her.

She lost all her breath as soon as this sensation moved from pain to pleasure, with the lazy stroking of her clit and the kneading of her breasts, and she closed her eyes, to focus on the sensation, trying to understand what was going on between her thighs, mostly because the sucking was becoming more violent and she was slowly slowly feeling tired, although soft adrenaline run through her veins.

She was sure that five minutes had passed when he broke away, a kiss delivered on the sore pace on her thighs, a gasp and whine of pain leaving her mouth, meanwhile he gently breathed on the bruise, bringing some relief, before moving closer to her, and when she came face to face with him she saw that his teeth and lips were smeared with blood.

The sight terrified her, but also a part of her wanted to lick off the blood on his lips.

He had a crazy light on his face and he looked at her with the biggest smile she had ever seen, and although she knew it was crazy, she smiled back, meeting him halfway for a kiss, blood being smeared on her face and the tang of iron immediately stuck out in her mouth, meanwhile it all smeared on her lips as a messy lip-gloss and from the face she got…

… it turned him on.

-Look at you being all messy, angel of mine- and he licked her blood off her lips, much to his gluttony than to clean her.

She honestly wanted to think this was all fucked up, but… also… she just felt too excited for any thoughts that didn’t involve him and pleasure.

He had also proven himself unable to cause her true pain (the bite to her thigh only proved to be a precious aphrodisiac) so she somehow trusted him, fascinated by the damnation of his beauty and now that they were closer she saw that his eyes held a blunt hurt.

Tiredness satiated by her and adrenaline swiftly came over him and she soon found her legs around his waist, meanwhile he disrobed himself of his slacks.

She gently spread even more her legs, making sure to make him accommodate much better between them meanwhile she helped him out of his silk shirt, pushing it over his head, a joking smile being passed over his lips, immediately matched by hers.

When he was equally as disrobed as her he gently teased her folds with his manhood, spreading slickness around it, before pushing inside her unkindly, but it didn’t hurt for more than a few minutes, when he started moving savagely in her, a rhythm she had never had in her and a length which hit points she never knew she had.

He pushed an arm on the side of her face and the other tangled in her hair, pulling her head up to meet in a kiss, meanwhile she tried to grasp better her legs around him to secure herself better on him, in order not to lose her grip so easily as she was doing, bucking up at its pushes.

Her hips trying to follow his patterns, in order for him to brush against that special spot which made her gasp in true pleasure.

And he found it… again and again…

Which got her screaming of true pleasure, meanwhile he growled in her ears, before pushing his mouth on her neck, again something sharp on her neck and she slowly turned her head to it, finally understand what the pain was about…

… fangs were piercing her neck.

And the pain and the true madness didn’t hit her till that moment.

She came with a loud scream, fear pushing her over, but it didn’t end up there, he kept pushing in her, meanwhile he pulled out blood from her till she felt too dizzy to do anything and soon… blackness welcomed her, but only after her third orgasm of the night.

When she woke up, she was clothed in what looked like a silk slip and although she was still restrained, she wasn’t chained to a platform, instead her hands were “just” tied back, meanwhile her legs were gently linked together with a silk ribbon.

She was able to wriggle in order to get her back against the wooden headboard, meanwhile her eyes gently adapted themselves to the soft dark, much healthier than the red light in which she had been immersed for her nightmarish (although she could also swore that it had all been a very interesting and confusing wet dream) night with a vampire.

She immediately recognized a room which wasn’t hers, but it had such a good taste that she couldn’t help but take a second look to stare at everything, from the elegant shelves full of books to the curtains of a dark royal blue, velvet and heavy enough to avoid sun filtering there.

Was this another dream?

Or had it all been reality?

She was scared to discover more.

… but it wasn’t her decision to make.

A little cough alerted her that she wasn’t alone in the room and soon her eyes met her assaulter’s, the vampire’s eyes, which got her immediately shivering in her place, moving away even more in the bed, which only got a soft chuckle from him.

But now that adrenaline didn’t cloud his eyes, she could see that her rejection took a toll on him.

-I didn’t harm you before, and I won’t harm you now- he repeated, watching her as an annoying and never-learning child.

-Oh yeah… your bites were the softest thing my skin has ever experienced- she screeched back, feeling the place on her thigh, where he had bitten her, immediately become sore and aching, a bruise blooming on it, meanwhile his neck was extremely stiff.

And through it all, she felt tired.

But she was keeping on utter anger.

-… I didn’t think you minded the pain, little angel, when you were coming around  me, with those delicious mewls- he retorted back and she was the closest to punch him, but also his face looked so sad and destroyed, definitely tired that she…

… she somehow wanted to hug him, bring him closer…

… maybe closer between her thighs and push him…

-I really hope that you didn’t continue fucking me like an animal, after I passed out- she just mumbled, getting a little smirk from him who immediately raise from his place on the armchair to come closer and although she shrank out of fear, something in her told to lean closer, follow him -… and I hope it wasn’t some stranger who put me into this thing-.

The tiny slip of silk looked, now that she had just taken a good look at it, pretty expensive and not of her time, clearly a bit old style but she enjoyed the way it flowed around her, and she knew he felt the same about it, by the way he looked at her.

But it seemed there was much more: it was… as if she could sense it…

-I personally cleaned you, after you passed out; I took too much… I am sorry- he seemed sincere, and as soon as he was close to her, he gently pushed a kiss on the side of her legs, electricity being pushed in her entire body -… but… you taste so good-.

She couldn’t help but piece up all those pieces together to one single conclusion, the one she knew, but scared her:

-You are a vampire…- although she said it, she didn’t sound even in the slightest confident in her solution, knowing how crazy it sounded.

-… do you want me to start sparkling? – he smirked, confirming her words, meanwhile she just glared at him, seriously trying to free herself from the rope’s hold.

-Please don’t joke on this! – she choked on her own words -… this is all so scary! And new! -.

-Would you prefer an explanation? – although he was teasing her, there was some truth behind his affirmation, and she could see in his eyes the wanting and willingness to share his burden with someone else.

-That would be nice- she pressed her lips together to assume an even more serious tone -… I have been nothing but manhandled this entire night, so some explanations are much needed-.

-Well I am indeed a vampire, I have to confirm your hypothesis- he assured her as if it might bring her some comfort -… we are real, but we don’t hurt people… usually…-.

-Oh yeah, tell that to my thighs-.

As if to apologize he gently caressed her bruise, but she could see he was somehow proud of having left a mark on her.

“What an egotistical bastard” she found herself thinking, with a light smile.

-… we don’t feed straight up form humans, usually… blood bags are preferable, but the person who brought me my blood bags is actually dead… so… I don’t have that option anymore- he looked truly sad at that mention, but tried not to let it show too much on his face -… usually vampires have mates; mates can be romantical partners, but usually it’s just a blood thing; any other vampire’s blood might kill another vampire, unless they are your mates, bringing nourishment-.

He could see that she had been shocked by it, no matter the fact that she tried to hide it.

-I know that it might not be… believable… but… I felt that I owed you an explanation-.

It could all be a crazy idea of a crazy man, but she somehow trusted him, even after he had taken her blood without her permission.

-It is crazy, but somehow… believable- she honestly would have accepted anything those angelic lips might have delivered -… so will I be kept there as your blood bag? -.

She was a bit scared about the prospect, but her assaulter seemed interesting and if she would be getting a mind-blowing orgasm, each time.

-… no, tomorrow you will go back home, with no memory of it- he replied, again his face becoming sadder, as if during that night he had grown fond of her.

-And what will you do? – she asked, not really out of curiosity, but a strange jealousy brewing in her chest -… kidnap another girl? -.

-Are you jealous, little angel? – he immediately caught up her annoyance, and she rolled her eyes, to hide her embarrassment -… because I don’t think that I would want another other than you after tonight-.

-Then… how? – she honestly didn’t see many options and didn’t understand why he couldn’t be a bit selfish and just use her.

Had she honestly thought that?

-Blood bags- he mumbled out, and she understood that clearly they didn’t satisfy him enough -… this was mostly to show the new people I am with that I was able to use my fangs still, they see the usage of blood bags as… -.

-… you being weak? – she honestly couldn’t believe that he could be mistaken for weak or anything else in that department with his slim but strong arms and thick thighs.

-Kind of… and don’t tell anybody…- he leaned down to whisper with conspiration in her ear -… but I am supposed to be the boss here-.

-You certainly know how make a girl feel special- her nose slightly brushed against his.

-… I thought the first orgasm was enough for that- he made her blush and she honestly couldn’t help but feel like she might have enjoyed this entire atmosphere, had she not thought about the fact that he was a vampire…

And he immediately pushed himself on the bed, again between her thigh, a place he liked enough, and she couldn’t help but feel like he might just belong there.

-… I can give you some more convincing, favorite angel of mine- he mumbled meanwhile he raised her slip -… just one last kiss and then I will tell you goodbye-.

She woke up the following day in a hospital bed: no memory of the previous night, if not a few sparks of that bloody night being shot under her pupils, soft bites on her skin and soft words, including the imaginary whisper of “angel”.

So, when she woke up, nothing made her feel nervous or anything, unlike her friends, sitting on those uncomfortable hospital chair next to her bed, immediately getting up with her and immediately they breathed for the first time, during that long night.

They later explained to her that last night she had gone missing; they had felt bad for letting her go alone and expected to find her at the station, but not only she wasn’t there but she wasn’t also picking up her phone, and this had gotten them worried enough to immediately search for her in each place of the small center, before moving to the nearest police station.

They had found her later in the morning, passed out, her arms and legs a bit scratched by what looked like rope or chains, burning soft marks in her skin, but nothing broken.

She just wasn’t waking up.

“We were so damnably worried, (Y/N)!” had almost screamed Layla, meanwhile she had cried.

“,,,where have you been for the entire time?! What happened?!” Kathryn, her other friend, backed her up, but she was unable to answer in any way, knowing only that she hadn’t been hurt, something was instilled in her brain about her having been safe the entire night.

Her friends had insisted that she did a rape test, mostly because of the bruise on her thigh, which couldn’t be mistaken for anything else, but she had wanted to avoid the entire thing, since it seemed like she had nottrauma and she felt a little voice in her mind telling her not to look into it too much.

So, she tried to forget, although in dreams she sometimes heard loud gasping and something piercing her skin meanwhile she was roughly hoed down, something pushing in and out of her, bringing pleasure, meanwhile she breached the highest of ecstasy, waking up with arousal between her thighs.

She honestly felt curious about all those ideas, but every time she tried to look into those memories she started panicking hard, her brain stopped working and she just started feeling bad, enough that she stopped working on it, focusing on moving on with her life.

But she just couldn’t help but feel like something was lurking in the shadows, waiting just for her, preying on her.

And she wasn’t wrong…

Michael Langdon had said he would have let her go, but he hadn’t mean it.

He had never meant it, since he had first tasted her blood.

But he hadn’t been able to keep her when she had so many links in the human world; she wouldn’t forgive him, no matter her begging of staying with her, after he had told her he would make her forget about it all.

“If you knew about us, you might be a hazard to my community” he had explained, softly watching her bright eyes become dull with pain, meanwhile endless tears spilled from them.

He knew that exhaustion and the blood bound between them brought those emotions out of her, intensifying anything she felt and making her feel more and more attached to him, which made him seem a true bastard, since he had taken advantage of that drunken stupor.

He had longed for her, the moment after Madeline had taken her back where she had found her, after he had gently cleaned up each inch of her skin, to make sure nothing of his would be staying on her skin, although the police would without a doubt not find his fingerprints.

And he still longed for her, but there was no use into crying on spilled milk and slowly he had started elaborating a plan on how to get her back.

Because, although for the moment she belonged to the human world, she wouldn’t be there for much more time, had the revelations he had found about her been true.

He had felt in her blood something different from human blood, swiftly realizing that she was a bit like him, and that was why her blood sang to him: she was his mate.

She was a half-blood, she had a clear vampire genealogy in her blood, and swiftly he had made sure to discover more about it, till he was sure that that vampire blood in her veins might be enough to make her turn, had she wanted it.

And he was waiting for just the right time to claim his rightful mate, slowly spying on her and checking that no harm came to here, spying her meanwhile she turned in her bed, her fingers between her legs, trying to satiate the arousal between them.

But he knew already that she never would…his own hand didn’t help him in the slightest.

He had just to have faith in the plan.

After he had lost Mrs Mead he had thought that he would be forever alone…

… but destiny had brought them together, destiny had given him a mate.

And now he was preying on her.

---

I really hope that you liked it and in the future, there might be more chapters of this, since me and Michael aren’t done with reader...

And here it is all the lovely people who wanted to be tagged!

@emmyrosee @blakewaterxx @1-800-bitchcraft @rocketgirl2410 @so-langdon @ladynuwanda @lovelylangdonx @babydollcake @eternalnostalgia @drama-penguins @dramapenguinthe3rd @dyns33 @orwellbradburylovecraft @no-need-for-rules @blackandwhitejoker @ccodyfern @hplotrfan @mournhubdotgov @mazionluigi @gold-dragon-slayer @venusbloodlust @evcnpeterz @ beautiful--kkryptonite @maginemarvellove @ moonagecordelia @ happypyromancer @supanatural101 @yourfavoritefairy @ brieababy @angsty-otters-blog @jazzcowgirl @awesomemarmaid @ kaigitana @queencocoakimmie  @mega-combusken

If you haven’t been tagged, and liked the teaser, let me know (sometimes tumblr is stupid) and if you want to be added to my tag-list, just send over a DM or an ask!

Love you, lovelies!

-Heco Hansen.

#vampire michael langdon #vampire michael #michael langdon #michael langdon reader #michael langdon fem reader #michael langdon x fem! reader #michael langdon smut #michael langdon imagine #michael langdon fanfic #michael langdon fan fic #Michael Langdon Writing #Michael Langdon Story #Michael Langdon Moodboard #American Horror Story #AHS #AHS imagine #AHS apocalypse #AHS 8

[badbookreviewclub]

Compete Review - Stones to Abbigale, by Onision

Disclaimer: This review will contain spoilers… if you haven’t already watched the seven billion book reviews there are for Stones to Abbigale. I won’t be linking to where you can buy this book because I don’t want to support Greg… James… whatever the fuck he’s going by now. If you look hard enough, you can find it for free online. 

Stones to Abbigale is the first book published by Onision. I’m sure we already all know about Onision and how horrible he is, if not I highly recommend going to Youtube and watching The Right Opinion’s videos on him. They’re very enlightening as to the kind of person that Greg is. Anyways, this review isn’t about Onision (kind of), it’s about his book. I couldn’t figure out where the book was published, aside from a small stamp at the very last page just saying it was published via Amazon.

The Summary: There isn’t one. Fuck. The Characters: James - Simp who likes to act like he’s the hero, but also the victim. Definitely Onision’s self-insert.

Abbigale (Abbi) - A very traumatized person who is written very poorly

Jason - The jock who’s there to make James look like the victim but also the hero

Davis - a character who has no impact on the story and could be completely written out. His presence affects nothing. 

Ms. Robertson - The school counselor who could never actually be a school counselor Mr. Hanson - The history teacher

The Problems: Aside from a multitude of grammatical errors and some spelling errors, this book is just a mess. The characters are incredibly inconsistent to the point of being unrealistic (e.g. one moment Jason is the bad guy and the next he’s James’s best friend). Actually, in general, none of these characters are realistic. It’s really easy to read this story in Greg’s voice because it all sounds just like him. They speak with the same mannerisms that he does and like they all read a psychology book in fifth grade and now they think that they know everything about people and how they work. It’s annoying and incredibly frustrating, actually. 

Another big problem that this book faces is that everything is written in big blocks of text, without regard for needing commas or periods. This makes reading dialogue incredibly difficult and at times can make it really hard to decipher just who is talking. I’m convinced after reading Stones to Abbigale that Onision doesn’t know what the enter bar is. Take this for example, “As we got closer to the gym Abbi was giving me a funny look, as I normally didn’t walk her that far, I said, ‘Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you, we have the same class now.’ She replied, ‘Manipulating your schedule to be with someone sounds like stalking Mr. Patrick.’ I said, ‘Not if you drop Mrs. Stanley.’ She pushed me playfully saying ‘Jealous!’” Let’s split the dialogue up now (and add in proper punctuation. 

As we got closer to the gym Abbi was giving me a funny look; I normally didn’t walk her this far. “Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you. We have the same class now,” I said. “Manipulating your schedule to be with someone sounds like stalking Mr. Patrick,” she replied.  “Not if you drop Mrs. Stanely,” I said. She pushed me playfully, “Jealous!” 

This is a lot easier to read and aside from word choice, it’s not terrible. It could paint a picture a lot easier with better word choice, but this is Onision’s first book so I guess I can cut him a tiny tiny tiny bit of slack on that. Actually, no. This could use better word choice to paint a better picture and make them seem less like cardboard cutouts. 

Another problem is the plot itself. The ‘climax’ of the book, if you will, happens almost at the beginning of the book, which is fucking absurd. It makes the rest of the book feel pointless and like it’s dragging on. 

The Book: 

Chapter 1

We meet our main character, James. Except we don’t know his name is James yet. We do know that he paints his walls, his ceiling, and even his bedframe a startling white however because he “likes to inflict mental torture” on himself. Not sure why he does this, but he does. I think I’ll be the first to say that in any white suburban neighborhood, you could walk into just about most children’s rooms and find white as the standard (at least, that’s how it is in my neighborhood). Why? Fuck if I know. White just looks nice with most furniture, I guess. 

Anyways, our main character is late to school and rushes out the doors with a note he scribbled for an excuse as to why he was late. Yay, we finally get James’s name from Mr. Hanson, who couldn’t give less of a shit that James was late. He just wants to talk to him after class. James starts people watching to an almost creepy extent, trying to get into people’s heads and assuming what they were thinking. If you haven’t read any of my other reviews, you should know, I am not overly fond of when someone tries to assume someone else’s thoughts in this way. Where they psychoanalyze them without have a single hint of qualification. It’s annoying in storytelling. That’s not to say I’m not guilty of having a character do that at times, but I’m trying to be more aware of it and to stop writing like that. With how James is written, however, it’s clearly intentionally and gives off r/im14andthisisdeep vibes. 

Anyways, James rushes off to art class so he can see Abbi. He has never talked to Abbi a day in his life but spends a lot of his time thinking about her and wanting to be with her and basically, just being a simp. He puts too much value on Abbi without ever having talked to her and having no reason to do it, his world revolves around Abbi and she has never so much as shared a word with him. 

But he’s basically staring at Abbi, waiting to say something to her when his hand brushes up against some chewed up gum under the desk and he yells ‘EW’. This doesn’t stop Abbi from wanting to pair up with him however when the teacher gives them an assignment they need partners for. Abbi was originally paired up with Jason, who I guess makes Abbi uncomfortable. That’s understandable that Abbi would want to switch if that was the case, but Onision doesn’t lay it out like that. Instead, it’s laid out that Abbi wants to be paired with James just because. 

Abbi has shown no care for James at the beginning of the book and seemingly before this even started she never seemed to care for or about James. Suddenly though, as soon as the story starts, she cares. She wants to, needs to be with and around him. Why? Because the main character always has to get the girl. 

Anyways, Abbi gives James a piece of paper with ‘NISEONE’ written on it. Apparently, this is her phone number because, on a number pad (the ones with the letters), it is 647-3663. It doesn’t state this outright, so it took me looking at some other reviews before I figured this out. 

We also learn in this chapter that the school is practically falling apart and is dripping with sludge or mold, or something, so I don’t know what kind of school James goes to, but it’s not a good one.

Chapter 2

James goes and talks to Mr. Hanson and it turns out that Mr. Hanson wants James for a TA position. Because ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? I guess James shows a lot of potential, even though he’s late like… all the time. Anyways, the night before Abbi and James decided to make, not a Frankenstein(‘s monster) teddy bear by combining two of their stuffed animals, rather, they’re making a zombie stuffed animal. And it turns out that Abbi wasn’t at class. For what reason? I don’t fucking know. The next day Jason comes to bug the class for some fucking reason because he got kicked out of his own class. There’s absolutely no reason for Jason to be there aside for James to stand up to him because Jason was ‘bullying’ Mr. Hanson. Anyways, Jason gets pissed off because of this and while James is on his way to the art class, Jason beats James up. I’m pretty sure this was only done to make James look like the victim (wonderful :P). James gets suspended for two days because he pushed Jason and Jason is suspended for nine days. 

Before he can leave to go home, James sees Abbi and Seth having what I can only assume is a one-sided fight. Seth is yelling and being very aggressive towards Abbi, and Abbi is just taking it. So James walks her home after Seth gets pissed and leaves. I guess it was raining this entire time, so as they’re walking home, Abbi’s makeup runs and James sees the bruises on her face. When Abbi asks if James sees them, he says “I see a beautiful girl, who I very much enjoy walking with in the rain” (pg 31) (by the way I HAD TO NUMBER ALL THESE PAGES MYSELF). Anyways, cheesy romance, it’s clear Greg doesn’t read his lines out loud and I don’t think James does a single thing to try and help Abbi get out of her abusive situation. He just tells her that she’s beautiful. James is also absurdly upset about the suspension at this point. Like, ridiculously upset. Like you love school so much and the thought of not being able to go feels like the end of the world upset (I was that person in school). But… James has shown absolutely no reason for why he is as upset as he is? Like he genuinely is about to cry over this but he has shown absolutely no care about school before, so it’s just confusing.

Chapter 3

James has a dream that Abbi is being eaten by the ground. He wakes up and writes her a kind of creepy letter about how, despite having only had three conversations with her, he loves her and lives to be with her. He emails it to her and a few minutes later Abbi calls him. She wasn’t aware of the email but invites him to meet her at the Quick Shop. She says that she’ll read the email before she meets him there. She never meets him there (shocker). Chapter 4 

James finally goes back to school and sees that Abbi isn’t in the art trailer still. But the mishmash stuffed animal bear thing is there. Under it is a note from Abbi asking James to meet her behind the church. Rather than stay for the class or anything like that, James bursts away to go to Abbi’s side. 

Abbi tells James that the note weirded her out a little bit, but she was just nervous. She tells him that she has been absurd by Seth and that her mother abandoned her and that her father doesn’t care about her. The only comfort James is able to offer her is that every time he sees her, she’s more beautiful to him than she was before. 

Chapter 5

James’ Mom has a boyfriend who comes out of fucking nowhere named Rick.

At school, James has his schedule rearranged so he can be Mr. Hanson’s TA and so he can still have a class with Abbi. Now he has gym with her. We meet Mr. Mack, who I guess is Jason’s uncle. He’s also the only teacher that James bonds with, I guess. Ms. Robertson, while reorganizing James’ schedule gives him an ominous warning that Abbi is no good and that he should stay away from her. 

Abbi and James spend the rest of the night on the phone, talking to each other. 

 Chapter 6

A few days have passed. Rick and James’ mom announce that they want to move in together. James thinks his life is over and that he’ll never get to see Abbi again. Later that night James suggests to his mom that she just let him live in the house by himself with Abbi and she just agrees to it. Supposedly his mom doesn’t even have enough money to get him a shitty cell phone either, so I guess Rick must be fucking loaded.

Chapter 7

It’s the infamous school shooting. After figuring out that the school is being shot up by Seth, the bus driver does as any rational human being would do and drives away to get everyone to safety. Then he does something that nobody would do and lets James off the bus after James threatens to jump off (despite there being no way that he could?). James rollerblades to the school through the blur of his tears and bursts in. He sits in the puddle of blood in front of the school to get his rollerblades off before rushing in through his tears to find Abbi. He finds Seth first, but rather than being the one to save the day, it’s Jason who saves the day and beats the shit out of Seth. James finds Abbi after this and the two of them sit together while the paramedic patches up James’ feet because he ran through glass while looking for Abbi. Chapter 8 

They’re back at school and a spokesman for the president gives a speech. They see Mr. Mack on a projector and he tells them in gruesome detail about how he tried to take down Seth and how Seth shot him. Definitely what a bunch of traumatized teenagers needed to hear and see. Chapter 9 James and Abbi go to her house, where Abbi’s father drunkenly stumbles out and starts threatening Abbi. A policeman who James claims probably sees too much of this on a daily basis stands to the side (because he just so happened to be nearby with is K-9 partner) and waits for something to happen. Something happens with Abbi’s father smashes James over the head with a beer bottle. The K-9 rushes forward and latches on to him and James claims that the officer is sadistic and likes to see people suffer. He then claims not even two paragraphs later that the cop is numb to what’s going on. Which is it? Is he sadistic or is he a dead-beat cop who sees too much of this shit? 

Abbi’s father is arrested and James decides to press charges. This is how Abbi ends up staying with James. 

Chapter 10 

The president shows up and nothing comes of it. He promised that he would answer everyone’s questions and talk to everyone. He only talks to two people, James and another kid, named Chris. Chris just asked why the president was such a D-Bag and the president just says “that’s President D-Bag to you.” James asked what the president thought of what people said about him and the president goes on this long diatribe about freedom of speech. 

Chapter 11 

Abbi wants to talk to James but insists that they do it in the shower. For some reason, James agrees to this and Abbi comes out of the shower to show all of her self-harm scars. Once again, James does nothing than tell her she’s beautiful and that’s about it. They almost fuck after this, but don’t because James’s mom is home. 

Chapter 12 

James and Abbi stay home to help his mom pack. Later they go to the park to stargaze and affirm to each other that they want kids. 

Chapter 13 

Abbi leaves James a big long note for him to read in class about how she was raped by some boys. Mrs. Roberston helped to get those boys in jail, but after finding out that Abbi was pregnant, she insisted that Abbi keep the baby because she is very pro-life. Seth found out about the baby and punched Abbi in the stomach until she miscarried. James’ response to the note is to go straight to Abbi’s classroom and make out with her in front of everyone and on the desk. He goes back to history class and Mr. Hanson basically high-five’s him for doing this, despite the fact that he walked out in the middle of class to do it. 

Chapter 14 

It’s Christmas break. They fuck. 

Chapter 15

James beats the shit out of Jason because Jason was groping Abbi. For some reason, when the principle comes out to confront everyone about this, Jason doesn’t rat on James.

Chapter 16

While driving somewhere with James and Abbi, Davis rushes out of the car into the middle of the freeway because he sees a man hanging from a rope from an overpass. Davis is killed. This is the only purpose that Davis serves in the entire story. It’s to die so James can be the victim once more because apparently if he was never born so he could never be in Davis’ life then this would have never happened. Survivor’s guilt is a thing, don’t get me wrong. But what Onision is using here isn’t survivor’s guilt. It’s James twisting the situation so he’s the victim still. 

Chapter 17

Davis’s funeral. Nothing happens besides James playing the victim some more. 

Chapter 18

Mr. Hanson and Mrs. Roberston confront James and they want him to become Class President. James doesn’t want to but it doesn’t seem like they’ll take no for an answer. A little while later Abbi, while walking with James, is pulled into the front office for some questioning by police. Mrs. Roberston shouts in front of everyone that Abbi was responsible for the school shooting. Because… you know… that’s a reasonable thing to do…

Abbi confronts James later that night and tells him that she wrote in a note to Seth, when she was in a really bad place, that she just wished everyone would disappear (not unreasonable and something I’ve done before). James, being the little bitchy drama-queen that he is, storms off to take a dramatic shower. While sitting in the shower though he realizes that Abbi did nothing wrong and comes back. Abbi immediately accepts him again and isn’t upset that he suddenly stormed off after she told him something rather hard for her to do. They make out (and probably fuck).

Chapter 19 

Abbi gets a bucket of paint thrown on her while she’s coming into the school and James punches the kid who did it. The principle shows up and both intimidates and threatens the kid who threw the bucket of paint. He also calls Mrs. Roberston into his office after James tells him that she told everyone that Abbi was responsible for the shooting. 

Chapter 20

Mrs. Roberstson was fired and burned down the entire school in retaliation. All the students get passing grades for the rest of the year (which is about 6 months of school left by the way). James ends off the book by saying “Well, I guess this means I won’t be running for President.” 

The book drags and has a lot of pointless info in it. At one point it genuinely made me feel sick how he was using Abbi’s trauma throughout the book to write a very, very poorly conceived hero fantasy. All the characters are unrealistic and nobody means anything to the story other than Abbi and James. I’m just glad it was a fast read. There are huge info dumps in the beginning, but as you can see, the rest of the chapters can be summed up in less than a fucking paragraph. The climax of the book comes way too early (the school shooting) and in general, it’s just a poorly written plot. It feels like a first draft that should have been taken back to the drawing board to be reworked until the shooting could become the ultimate climax of the book. It was rushed, and because it was rushed, the rest of the book dragged on. 1/10 stars. I didn’t hate it as much as I’ve hated other books, but it wasn’t good by any stretch of the imagination. 

#bad book #bad book reviews #stones to abbigale #onision #i'm numb #previous book reviews have numbed me to this pain #review #reviewblr #bookblr #complete review

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Raising Hell

So, uh, basically I have no idea why anything in this episode happens or what its point is supposed to be. Having looked up who wrote it somewhere in the middle, I am completely lacking in surprise.

I mean, the first bit pretty much sets the tone.  Chatty Corpsy spouts exposition a mile a minute, then gets killed, and the ghost stands over her and spells disembowel.  Is that actually supposed to be scary?  Funny?  Anything but an absolutely bizarre waste of my time?

A bunch of dudes with basically nothing but FBI jackets and a bullshit story to back themselves up with convince an entire town to camp out in the local high school for two days without anybody figuring out they're full of shit.  You know, what with smartphones existing and all.  Plausible!

Furthermore, I have become convinced that everyone in this writer's room genuinely believes there is nothing scarier than a bunch of random antagonists standing around in a room pontificating at each other.  It's all demons do anymore. It's all angels do anymore.  Oh, fucking look, here's a bunch of goddamn ghosts doing it, too!  A fucking thrill a minute, I tell you.

Also, you know how the episode with H.H. Holmes was actually scary?  Whether or not you think it's in questionable taste for them to use real life serial killers at all, the reason they included him was because the whole murder castle deal and semi-mythical legends about him made for a scary premise they actually used in the episode.  I ignored the thing with it being Gacy before in Lebanon because there was more important stuff going on, but contrast the current writers' choices with him and this Jack the Ripper guy with the use of Holmes.  Here they're just throwing out the names of real life murderers to try and make their villains scary in the cheapest, fastest way possible.  Just like bringing back “Bloody Mary” that just kills whoever, this loudmouthed windbag has nothing to do with the name they're stealing to try and make him scary.

Also, the spell demon guy did is keeping the ghosts in, right?  Sure, it's going to fail, but at the moment, it's supposed to be an impassible barrier, yes?  So why, exactly, is it necessary for Sam to call in his goon squad to join the four of them in wandering into the danger zone to shoot at 'em? Seriously, why?  Shooting them dissipates them for a few seconds, maybe minutes.  They’re not laying out additional salt or iron lines or doing anything that might genuinely help contain the ghosts, they’re just putting themselves in danger because ...?  The mooks could also be better spent guarding the major entrance points to the town and/or the townies and/or doing research back at the bunker into what they're going to try next after the barrier fails.  But those things would actually make sense and prevent the shambling zombie that is the writers’ pathetic attempt at a plot in this episode being pushed into something vaguely resembling action. 

I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that Rowena is now suddenly unable to do something with her powers that she did before.  Hey, remember when she stole that page out of the damned book to make herself more powerful to unseal her full powers (even though they touted her as the most powerful witch ever to begin with) and that was in season 13, well after the ghost-crystal-bomb thing?  But LOL, now she's even weaker?  This is exactly why nothing matters anymore.  Things that worked previously (angel powers, witch powers, the Colt, whatever) suddenly and randomly don't work to do the exact same jobs for … reasons.  The thing that makes it even dumber is they could have said that the ghost containing spell and crystal ghost sucking spell interfered with each other somehow.  Still at a bullshit level of convenience, but it doesn't involve making everyone and everything's powers completely arbitrary just because fuck continuity, that’s why!

Then Ketch shows up to save the Winchesters from their sudden attack of brain damage.  The show has provided an entire. fucking. town. full of angry ghosts straight from hell.  But actually bother to write a scene of Sam and Dean legit getting over their heads in a believable way?  Why fucking bother when you can just make them astoundingly incompetent.  It is literally unbelievable that Sam and Dean would not recognize those people as possessed fucking immediately.  Yet they stand there with rock salt filled shotguns doing sweet fuckall confronted by three fucking ghosts so Ketch can make a big entrance.  Is there a rule on a board somewhere in the writer's room that Sam and Dean have to be made to look incompetent at least once an episode?  Is this some kind of revenge for having to still write the main characters they're so clearly bored with?  Are these idiots just so fucking stupid they don't realize how insulting this is?  Did they run out of money for extras and the stunt coordinator?  

Also, someone explain to me how tiny flakes of metal are going to be less harmful to a human body than rock salt.  I'll wait.  They just really really wanted Ketch as one of the BMoL guys to have some kind of specialized gadget but couldn’t give him something actually potentially useful for the situation at hand.

Again, these writers really want to be writing a bad soap opera with occasional supernatural elements.  So despite that it's the final fucking season, we have time for Rowena and Ketch flirting.  Not to mention that they also give the only major female character even more relationship drama with the Jack the Ripper guy later.  If it's not questionably skeevy, it's not Bucklemming! 

Also, Castiel is not good at inspirational speeches, just like he’s frustratingly almost never good at anything else these days (those healing powers that were working last week? ha! forget it!).  Anyway, why do they keep having him make them?  Are we as the audience supposed to find them convincing though they never work on the target?  Are we supposed to feel bad for all the ~*feelings*~ Castiel supposedly has despite being an angel who isn’t supposed to have emotions the same way humans do?  I guess this particular one is to further show that Dean’s still mad (which I am absolutely 100% behind) but eh, whatever.  Though I guess that still ranks it above most of the episode sitting at a solid WTF, no really, WTF?!

Now we get to the part where they bring Kevin back for no fucking reason beyond that he's a “fan favorite”.  None of it makes a single tiny speck of sense.  Let's skip right past the fundamental absurdity of how Chuck apparently did this for literally no reason just to be a dick when he was actively trying to pretend not to be a dick.  Kevin has a “bad boy” reputation (come the fuck on) because God Himself cast him down - so him being in hell would have to be fairly common knowledge, for it to result in him having a reputation.  Except literally no demon Sam & Dean ran into between 11.21 and now taunted them with it?  Crowley, who was still alive and fucking King of Hell through season 12 never noticed and either told the Winchesters or tried to trade on it?  BULL and SHIT.  This is pretty close to the same scale of insult to continuity and the audience’s intelligence as these two fuckwits suddenly writing Lucifer as the older brother. 

Then in typical fashion, Sam & Dean discuss their plans to totes send Kevin to heaven in front of demon guy just so they can be told OH NOES!  He totally can't go to heaven!  So sad!  The poor widdle woobie!  Fuck off with this shit, show.  Not even to mention that they take the word of a demon as gospel truth when there is no time crunch or clear lack of better options.  It's all those many many hits to the head, I guess.  That I do actually find quite sad.  I mean, I don't actually want Kevin hanging around like a bad smell while they divert from actually important shit to try and get him to heaven where it makes no sense for him not to already be.  But at the end they don't even arrange some way to keep in touch just in case the fucking demon might be (gasp) lying?

Hey, I did actually like the exchange between Dean and Sam over Chuck poking his corresponding wound.  Oh, look, it's Sam's “I'm totally lying” face, followed by Dean's “I totally know you're lying but I'll let it go for now, Sam” face.  It was a great moment that required very little dialogue to work quite well.  It's such a shame nobody's making a show about these two characters!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The absurdity keeps on coming, too.  In the whole two days they've been wasting time in Sunshine Daylightville they never discussed how long the spell would last?  Oh, right, they were too busy wandering into the ghost zone to shoot at 'em for shits and giggles to care about that, I guess.  Not to mention the whole “just cast it again!” is remarkably blasé about it requiring a 'fresher the better!' human heart.

More ghosts blathering at each other.  Yay.  This supposed Jack the Ripper guy is just always in the right place at the right time to hear all the gossip, knows every random thing he could possibly need to, and already has the power to intimidate and attack other ghosts. He's basically ghost!Asmodeus, who also steals AU!Michael's original idea of how to get through the barrier, because we really needed time spent discussing the world's most obvious plan.  Also, we've seen ghosts able to attack and absorb the power of other ghosts, but it was because they had already been doing it for a while.  This guy is just as fresh out of hell as everybody else, but he's more powerful and knowledgeable and totes threatening!!!  Well, I'm convinced and not on the verge of napping from boredom.

Naturally for reasons, Rowena goes into town entirely by herself without protection with their only real hope of containing the ghosts before the barrier breaks down instead of anybody insisting on her going with backup.  That's what anybody with a brain would do!  

Of course no one asks where Ketch has been the whole time.  Or even thinks of trying to test him after he was last seen literally knocked unconscious in the middle of ghost central where we know there are plenty of ghosts angry enough to be capable of possession.  Nope, why would anyone even think to do that?  Everything in this “plot” that happens requires all of the characters to be completely fucking stupid.

I'm going to assume by “you” Ketch meant “you Winchesters” because Mary wasn't there.  It probably didn't, because Bucklemming, but fuck it.  It's the least egregious stupidity in this episode that's a cornucopia of choices for the worst.

I … actually like the scenes with Chuck and Amara?  So, you know, that's something!  

Then the episode ends with the guys looking at all the ghosties still shooting up from hell and wring their hands about what they're going to do and maybe they should get on that!  Again, if Sam's flunkies aren't all dead, why aren't their worthless asses already researching this shit over the past two days?  It's not like it's new news that there was a big open hole to hell at the center of the problem and there was honestly nothing but wrangling some cranky civilians to interfere with trying to think ahead to that.

In summary, this episode is a constant showcase of the problems that result when you set incompetent morons who don't recognize their own inadequacy to write characters who are actually supposed to be intelligent experts at their work.  It's a joke – except not at all funny.

#writer incompetence #anti bucklemming #negativity for ts #negativity all the way down #long post #spn 15x02 #spn season 15

[jenna-ortega]

Resist (Michael Langdon xReader)

Summary: Michael Langdon had been able to have anyone and anything he wanted, until he came across you. Your resistance would have him wondering of ways he could break you. Would he move on, or would it drive him mad?

Warnings: Possibly angst? 

Word Count: 1700

A/N: This will probably be a few chapter, i didn’t want to rush into anything just yet, but i feel like this is gonna be fun! this is inspired by an anon from @thelangdoncooperative, check their page out! 

Part 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 The Finale 

You’d been so secluded for the past 18 months. Barely speaking to anyone, just being where you had to be. You were always a bit reserved, only speaking out when you felt it needed. In these few months, you didn’t bother. Between the hairdresser Gallant and his snobby client Coco, you knew you were not here to make friends, simply survive. If you had to pick someone that you enjoyed, it’d only be mallory. It was always a bit awkward having her “serve” you. You were what they called a purple, and she a grey. Social class can’t even be demolished after the end of the world. 

The outposts leader was a lady named Ms. Venable, and her weirdo accomplice Ms. Mead. You were less than thrilled every single time they thought to speak with you, who cares about rules. Who cares about anything when the world is dead, and you were mustered into this thing by men who said you were fit for the new world. What does that even mean? your running thoughts were quickly interrupted by Ms. Venable introducing someone. You’d been in the main living area lost within your own mind. You looked up to see a glimpse of a man with long blonde hair, his blue yes on you as he entered the room walking straight to the front. 

“My name is Langdon and I represent the cooperative.” your eyes scan him, examining his outfit, “his outfit is almost as ridiculous as ours, he has to be in on this.” You felt yourself smirk at your thought. You felt someones eyes burning a hole into you, looking up from your folded hands your eyes met with his. Langdons head titled a bit, staring at you. Almost as if he heard you. You shot him a half smile and his focus shifted back to the entire room.

“I won’t sugar coat the situation. Humanity is on the brink of failure. My arrival here was crucial to the survival of civilized life on earth. The other outposts have been overrun and destroyed. We are assuming they’ve all been eliminated.” Langdons words make the hair on your skin rise. Did you really survive the apocalypse just to die anyway. 

“What happened to the people inside?” your voice a bit shaky, everyones eyes were on you stunned at the sudden appearance of your voice. His head turned to you, his eyes glowed, you took a deep breath not knowing how he would reply. To your confusion, a smirk grew wide across his face. 

“Massacred.” his voice sung the word, still holding eye contact with you. Your heart sunk, the anxiety inducing response only made your hands sweaty and your heart race. 

“The same fate that will befall on almost all of you.” he continued his monologue, being interrupted again by a small voice at the back of the room.

“Almost all?” mallory seemed intrigued by his use of the word. 

“Knowing this could happen, we built a fail safe. The sanctuary. It has security measures that prevent it from overrun. The sanctuary will survive, so people populating it will survive, therefor that means humanity will survive.” the room fell silent for a second, Gallant quickly chiming in.

“Who’s populating it?” his question was one you’d been thinking too, just didn’t want to intervene yet again.  

“That’s classified.” his tone sharp and cold. 

“However, i’ve been sent here to determine if any of you are worthy and fit to join us. The cooperative has developed a particular questioning technique we like to call...co-operating. I will use the information gain to determine if you belong.” his act was clearly trying to be intimidating. He looked like a regular ole’ white man, what made him so special?

Langdon had went on about this questioning for a little longer. mentioning if you did not want to partake you would end up dying. Your eyes rolled a bit, over the dramatics he was pulling. 

“Y/N.” the sudden sound of your name surprised you, again looking up at a particular tall man by the name of Langdon. 

“Since you seem so excited, our interview will began...now. Follow me.” the room seemed scared for you, their eyebrows raised and mouths agape. Since he came into the room it was as if he’d been trying to pick on you. You were less than happy about this way of determining who gets to live, but you’d rather some weird question than radiation. 

//

You had arrived to his office, following him like a lost puppy throughout the halls. You entered the sliding door, looking around and taking it in. The room dimly lit, his desk was a few feet from a fire place with two leather sits in front of it. He was living better than everyone else and to your knowledge he had just arrived. 

“Please, have a seat.” his hand gesturing to the chair across from him. You shrugged your shoulders taking his hint, and plopping down for a seat. It had almost felt like you were having a staring contest. Neither of you were speaking, just looking at each other. 

Langdon was looking at her as if he was rummaging through her idle mind. He knew from the moment he stepped into the outpost he’d be drawn to her. The smell of her was so--pure. He was disgusted walking in, she was too good. He had to break her down somehow, show her how much evil she can really do, how disgusting she can really be, if someone were to push her a bit. 

“So...how does this work?” you decided to break the awkward silence. His face of disgust really not sitting well with you. 

“I’m not going to tell you what criteria i’m using to grade you. Things you may feel are helpful may be hurtful, things you may think compel rejection may be just what i am looking for. If you lie, i will know, if you try to trick me i will know and this interview will be over and you will die here. Are we clear, Y/N?” his voice echoing through the room just as ominous as its original source. 

You nodded shyly, waiting for his next move. You were a bit frightened, but didn’t want to show him that. He was just a man with some power. Nothing to be afraid of, so you thought. Your eyes and his met again, his blue gaze was intense. He radiated an energy that made you want to cower in front of him. 

“What is your opinion of me?” his mouth turning up in a smile.

You titled your head a bit confused “Why? am i supposed to kiss up and then get my ticket to the sanctuary?” you giggled at yourself, apparently he didn’t find you as funny.

“I don’t have time for your jokes, answer my question.” 

You raised an eyebrow at his serious tone, clearing your throat out of nervousness. 

“I think...um, you’re intimidating?” hoping that was an okay answer, you folded your hands in your lap.

“What about me is intimidating.” his question more of a statement. You’ve quickly learned he doesn’t care for any bullshit. 

He was trying to bait you. He could read how nervous he made you, knowing well that was going to be your answer. He wanted to manipulate your feelings, get you to admit something more. You watched him get up from his seat, making slow strides to you. Looking up at his figure, you gulped loud and continued your response. 

“I don’t know- something about your aura i guess. You’re just...i don’t know.” you shook your head now looking down at your hands once again. You felt the chair move, he had pulled your chair out just a bit to kneel before you--feeling the warmth of his hand on your thigh. 

“Tell me. Tell me how i make you feel.” his eyes seemed so much darker, looking into yours. Your heart raced with fear, something about him seemed so malevolent. You were a bit turned on. Not knowing if it was the 18 months alone or the fact that your virginity had you thirsting after anyone who touched you. 

You had yet to answer him, growing more uncomfortable as the time went on. His hand caressing your thigh, and the other moving to your face. His fingertips traced your cheekbone down to your jaw. You body gets so hot, you feel your breathing heavy, it’s like he was seducing you with his touch. Your eyes fluttering as he smiled at you. Satisfied with how you’ve been reacting to his touch. 

“Y/N, i’m growing impatient with your silence. I know how bad you’re burning for me. My touch making you weak, tell me.” you shook your head at his statement. Pushing his hand away from your face, you adjusted yourself in your seat.

“No, that’s absurd. You’re crazy. I need to leave.” you nervously ran from your seat, wishing the door was closer there until--a strong force grips your wrist pulling you back. You almost lost your balance, turning around to see Langdon snarling at you. His grip twisted on your arm, looking much darker than you ever imagined.

“TELL ME. YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME.” his voice raised making you wince, pulling your wrist back with all your might you just couldn’t get out of his grip. In your adrenaline induced state you decided to use all your body weight to push him to the ground--”I’M NOT LYING, LET GO OF ME!”--his hand finally releasing from your body as he stumbled on the floor. 

You ran far from that room, not looking back. Leaving him there to bask in the defeat. He was for once confused at a human response. He tried so hard to break your walls. He knew somewhere in you could be manipulated into being sinful for him, usually people don’t fight the lust he places within them. The pathetic and weak humans of the old world give into their carnal desires within seconds of it being presented. You were different, he knew he had work to do with you. 

#michael langdon #cody fern #american horror story #ahs coven #ahs murder house #ahs8 #michael langdon smut #michael langdon x reader

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #154

The Sports Tournament Arc has come to a close (watch me eat my words), and while things may not have ended in the most spectacular or dramatic fashion, it does offer a healthy dose of retrospection after the flurry of emotions we’ve undergone during this whole thing. Tomoko’s world may be winding down for the moment, but as we all know, that just sets the pace for things to spring right back up. 

Chapter 154: Because I’m Not Popular, The Sports Tournament Will End

Watamote has always been relatively good at picking apart what it means to be female, and acknowledging their habit for casual grooming is just one of those times. But where this series shines is that it neither advocates or condemns stereotypical female behavior. Its stance has always been, “it is what it is,” and the reader is open to make their own opinions on that.

Well, I never expected them to win, honestly speaking. This ain’t no shounen sports manga after all, where the underdogs make a dubious comeback thanks to Nakama Power™. The obligatory homosexual subtext was there, though.  

Yeeeah, one of Yuri’s biggest flaws is that it takes her some time to admit, or even recognize her own responsibilities. Naturally, that includes pointing out other’s faults before her own. That being said...

Is Yuri being Bitchy or Awkward? An Analysis to Come in A Couple More Pages.

Tomoko, being the one to slightly raise up everyone else’s spirits? I’d be more shocked if her growth didn’t already make that actually kind of plausible.

This right here is the single coolest girl in the entire manga.

Side note: Komi’s rekt face is sublime. 

That hit had so much force, it burst through the panel borders. For once, poor Minami.

I see friendships all over the place.

In spite of (or perhaps because of) Komiyama’s overzealous nature, she can also be hit pretty hard with a sense of shame when her efforts prove fruitless. Maybe Itou plays the role of the “Lift Their Spirits” Friend in times like this.

At least the other girls are also taking their defeat in stride. Although, Minami seems particularly down for once. Perhaps she surprisingly feels some disappointment over their loss.,,

....or maybe she just feels jaded watching Mike and her Boyfriend make kissy-face. 

The thing about Kiyota is that he doesn’t seem like an especially capable guy. But from what we’ve seen, the dude’s got a pretty agreeable personality that sort of just makes it easier for people to follow him. It’s the same reason why he became the class representative. Kiyota may not be at the top of the class in any way (that we know of), but his likability makes him a natural leader.

Of course, his true friends will still give him hella shit for it.

Like many loners with self-esteem issues, no one cares about winning until they actually start winning.

Hey, hey, hey! It seems that the disastrous fallout between Tomoko and Ucchi didn’t the stop the latter from making good on her claim to cheer Tomoko on. We don’t know if the Emoji Gang ever intervened after those events, but if Ucchi still has the nerve(cluelessness) to cheer the girl she berated, that can only be a good sign.

It’s kind of weird seeing Hirasawa next to her though, considered how Ucchi cut her down that one time. Long-term grudges do not exist unless you’re Tomoko.

Fuuka, eh? The gap between a character’s first major appearance and their revealed name gets smaller each time.  

So these two are close friends, I see. They certainly give off those “alpha girl’ airs, but not in an unapproachable way. Contrary to what Western media has fed me, bitchy queen bees aren’t actually that popular. 

I’m sure many a shipper thinks that Katou chose table tennis to be with Tomoko, but I don’t that’s the only reason. It could just as well be that she’s into the sport. For the longest time, Katou’s personality has increasingly contrasted with her appearance. On the surface, she looks like the stereotypical beauty whose friendly, girly, and is super popular. But underneath, she’s also rather unaware, possibly perverted, not actually that good with makeup, and frankly, a bit of a weirdo. She’s all full of surprises, and it honestly makes her feel more human.

That was probably not her intent, but a mini party is definitely more up Tomoko’s alley. She just barely made it through the KBBQ party after all, and while Tomoko would’ve probably made it through another large-scale party even easier, small get-togethers are the introvert’s bee’s knees.  

It’s still hard to get a read on Futaki’s sociability, but she seems like a middle-of-the-road case as far as we’ve seen.

Yuri using Tomoko as a support beam is way within my expectations of her. It hasn’t steered too far into the Unhealthy Zone (yet), but I do enjoy that Tomoko’s simple company is all Yuri really needs to enjoy herself.  

Introvert Problems #092: Preoccupying yourself with your beverage to break the awkward silence without realizing the social cue of waiting to clink glasses before drinking. 

Smooth move, me Tomoko.

Good taste, my girl. Very good taste.

I love how the artistic license in this series is played completely straight. Girls with cat smiles are a dime-a-dozen in manga, but it’s usually a visualization only apparent to the readers. But not here. Emoji eyes and a feline grin are just as ludicrous in-universe as it is to us.

Yeah...I have no idea what to make of this. Guess Yuri has her own weird quirks, after all. What makes it extra funny is when you remember that Tomoko is strangely good at cutting things. Ironic humor at its finest.

Harking back to what I said about Katou being full of surprises, it’s easy to judge Katou sorely on her appearance, given how much more refined she looks next to the other “plain" girls. But when you look beyond what’s skin deep, Katou actually has more similarities to Tomoko than she let on. Being decently athletic, but not sporty; having a high tolerance for perversion, and socially naive at times. Katou’s affection for Tomoko had always felt out-of-place when we didn’t know her personality too well. But now that we’ve gotten a good look at it, her budding friendship with Tomoko feels all the more authentic.

Being the Nucleus Friend is never easy, Tomoko. 

Ah, Tomoko, regrets are natural. One of the more informed aspects about Tomoko is that she doesn’t dwell on the past too much. Her episodes of cringe hardly have everlasting negative effects on her personality, and the only times she does dwell are when she comes to terms with the mistakes she’s made. The twist now is that Tomoko puts a positive spin on it this time. Instead of bemoaning how she did something bad, she now reflects on how she could have done something good. It’s a layer of positive reinforcement that I think Tomoko has truly benefited from.  

Futaki coming through with the Nakama Speech™. It’s a pretty good one, too. Not heavy-handed or overly sentimental, but it’s from a place of earnestness that many can appreciate.

And I just realized that Futaki has been going through a quiet development from being a single-player gamer to multi-player gamer. Damn, that was slick, Nico Tanigawa.    

Hey now, those Spot the Difference games are totally legitimate critical thinking exercises.

It’s easy to think from first glance that Yuri is being purposely insensitive by the way she’s ignoring such a heartwarming speech, but I don’t think that’s really the case. It’s not that she doesn’t care about it, it just that those dining table games are too damn engaging for her introverted mind to resist. Yuri’s personality is a lot of things, but a lack of empathy is not one of them. 

Even though that’s true, it sounds vaguely hypocritical coming from you, Tomoko.

As I thought, Mako the Mom is also Mako the Enabler. 

Is Yuri Being Bitchy or Awkward?

Neither. She’s being a weirdo.

We all know by now that Yuri’s no sheep. She’s not going to pretend she’s something she’s not just to reciprocate the mood. But at the same time, she’s aware enough to adjust herself in situations where just doing anything she wants would be potentially hurtful. Of course, that’s only when she realizes she’s being hurtful. And there’ve been a number of times where she failed at that. Yuri’s behavior is very much circumstantial, and in cases where she’s expected to fit in with the crowd, she can be bitchy, awkward, or neither based on how well she can read the atmosphere. 

And that, my friends, is why Yuri’s a weirdo.

I don’t know about that, Tomoko. As absurd as her face and gaming skills are, Futaki’s personality has always seemed fairly normal to me.

Don’t judge an emoji by its emoji.

You may laugh at their apparent difficulty at finding them all, but I read up that these specific Spot the Difference games are a reference to the ones they have in Saizeriya restaurants, which are known for being notoriously tough. (Seriously, a dude called up the manufacturer because he couldn’t find the last one). Thanks as always, /r/watamote!

Eat your words, Tomoko! Just because you have more friends now, that doesn’t mean you’re hot shit and too good for “childish” games. Not that I can blame her too much, though. It’s understandable that Tomoko feels there are certain social conventions that come with increased popularity. But if there’s one thing that Tomoko still has to realize, it’s that popularity doesn’t equal maturity. No matter how high you are on the food chain, doing dumb kiddie stuff is present all across the board. 

Didn’t I tell you that, “Not that I care” was going to be this series’ tsundere line? 

When you think about it, Yuri’s come a long way from how she was at the start. At the end of second year, she lamented that her new friends might drift away from her. Compare that to now, where she’s actually more optimistic about her relationships. Sure, the fact that they’re now in the same class is the key difference, but the sentiment is still there, and feels a lot more impactful given that Yuri has never really been this open about her feelings. 

That’s what happens when you get the last word in.

As with most of these arcs, it’s the journey rather than the end that has the most impact on our characters. For some, like Ucchi and Yuri, it was a major game-changer in their relationships with Tomoko. For others, like Itou and Hirasawa, it was an exploration of what made them the way they are. And then there’s Tomoko, still fumbling around with a degree of popularity she was never fully prepared for. 

But for everyone, it was all about trying. Trying something new, putting in the extra effort, and reaching out to others. While the results were kind of a mixed bag, nearly everyone came out of this tournament with some form of victory.

#watamote #watamote review #chapter 154 #no matter how i look at it it's you guys' fault i'm not popular! #tomoko kuroki #asuka katou #hina nemoto #yuri tamura #futaki shiki #fuuka #kotomi komiyama #review

[bodegacowboy]

Chasing the sun director’s cut

In case you don’t like FF.net for some reason. I’m posting the story here as well This is the Director’s cut version to a story I first posted here a few years ago. Enjoy (P.S This is a really long post)

So what do you need to know about this fic? It was based sort of on canon about 3 years ago. By that I mean it mostly tried to fit within "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out. For example I didn't bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn't exist here. Obviously if you've continued to follow the canon story line (I haven't) much more lore has been added via Boruto. I considered researching the current lore to further modify the story but in the end I decided against it.

If this story had to take place on a timeline it would have been maybe around two years after chapter 700 but whatever.

Disclaimer: There is an affair in this fic so y'know don't read it and get your feelings hurt.

I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and its really out of character"

But this is a fanfic. And I think canon broke many of the characters so...

So without further ado, please enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shame engulfed him the moment he regained consciousness. Physical discomfort soon arrived mercifully distracting Naruto from his emotional distress. This was a hangover that would have made his godfather and Tsunade proud. After rallying the willpower to combat his pounding headache Naruto took a moment to assess his situation. Once again his mind returned to Jiraiya and words of wisdom from the toad sage bubbled up from the muddy depths of his mind.

If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to try and remember three things. As soon as possible make sure you can remember where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don't even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.

Dozens of questions galloped through his head but Naruto willed himself to concentrate on Jiraiya's three. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.

He was in Amegakure. He was in the village's recently built Imperial hotel. He was here because he had been witnessing history. He was here for the first ever chunin exam sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces. The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. If that wasn't impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage Summit.

The kages of each nation of the alliance would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks. It was an unprecedented event and a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.

And it was all his idea.

Naruto sat up sporting a smile that ran from ear to ear. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others kages and daimyos to support this project. His smile widened to a grin when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. Indeed his hard work had paid off. So why had he had been black-out drunk again?

His grinned faded when the answer surfaced in his consciousness. Picking himself off the hotel room floor Naruto staggered over to the nearby couch. After drawing in a deep breath he thanked his lucky stars that the kages had voted against bringing their families to this first event for safety reasons.

"This is not exactly Hokage behavior" He muttered himself. Though upon further reflection Tsunade drank like a fish and she did a great job.

"I should ask her for tips" Naruto said with a chuckle that tapered off into a heavy sigh. "Now I'm talking to myself. What a mess."

A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.

"Who is it?!" Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.

"Sai."

"The door is open...I think"

The door indeed was open. Carrying a small briefcase in his hand Sai slid into the room with the quiet precision of a thief. Naruto annoyed by Sai's slow and methodical tiptoe towards him cut right to the elephant in the room.

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

Sai looked his Hokage over. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"

"How drunk was I last night Sai?"

"Very"

"In public?"

"No."

"Good." Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He glanced at the briefcase in Sai's hand.

"What's that?"

Sai placed the briefcase down on the coffee table before Naruto. He then deftly thumbed the briefcase's combination lock before popping it open and revealing the treasure within.

"This is Sakura's journal" Sai said.

Eyes widened Naruto asked. "Why did you have that?"

"You ordered me to take it from her room."

In response Naruto hung his head in shame.

Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "So I take this to be a prank?"

Confused Naruto glanced up at his friend.

"I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."

"You noticed that huh?" Naruto said with a snort.

"It is a shinobi's duty to pay attention."

"Well yes-this is a prank gone horribly wrong" Naruto said solemnly. He met Sai's gaze "Alcohol and pranking should never mix."

Sai nodded. "Yes, this is a very brave prank"

"A stupid prank Sai. From now on don't take orders from me when I am drunk."

Sai considered this for a moment. "So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders."

Naruto sighed. "Okay let's revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, just don't do it. For example stealing from Sakura is very very very foolish. So don't follow foolish orders blindly, use your better judgment."

Sai nodded again this time in acquiescence. "I understand. So what do I do with this? She may have already noticed that it's missing."

Naruto held his hand out. "Give it to me. I'll give it back to her...when y'know the prank is over. I might as well go through with it now that I have it."

Sai hesitated.

"I won't tell her you helped me," Naruto said

Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch before dismissing Sai from the room. When Sai's presence had vanished from Naruto's immediate senses he glanced at the journal. He stared long and hard at the journal as beads of sweat materialized on his forehead. With trembling hands Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down early last night.

Naruto began to read

XXXXXXXX

Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I entered his room.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but it was he that flinched in the wake of this supposed slur. It was as if he had tossed explosives at me but he had been standing too close to avoid the shrapnel.

XXXXXX

With a loud groan Naruto put his face into his hands. Then he shook like a dog fresh from a bath. A long silence followed that he eventually broke with a heavy sigh. With a specific date in his mind Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXX

February 9th

It's hard not to be surprised by the appearance of the Hokage at your front door. In many villages such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet my Kage at the door with a warm hug. I then led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip.

Naruto and I spoke of irreverent things at first. Simple chi-chat. Then the topic switched to our families well our children specifically. We found it amusing how none of the rigorous training we'd experienced in our lives had come close to preparing us for the trials of parenthood. As we talked, I found that I was very aware of how long it had been since we last had a private conversation. For years the majority of our interactions had been in the midst of a crowd. Festivals, school, group dates, missions, friends, fans, husbands, wives, children, there had been always someone else around. I'm sure we have talked on the phone over the years but those were not conversations worth remembering.

So for the first time in a long we were alone. Why this mattered to me I didn't know. But I didn't have too long to dwell on the thought. As I was serving him a second cup of tea Naruto asked me to be part of a historic event, his pet project a revamping of the chunin exams. According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a coalition of different medics from different villages. Apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead this medical team.

Naruto seemed to be missing the obvious so I guided him towards it. Besides the occasional emergency I hadn't done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto's response was to reveal that the council had said the same thing when he had suggested my name. He tried to suppress the mischievous grin on his face when he told me "they gave me a list of better options"

I admit Naruto had played a good hand. The idea that there was an entire list of ninja supposedly "better" than me at the practice of medical ninjutsu was absurd. But this slight on me by the council was not enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being a full-time kunoichi so I could raise my daughter.

"Well if your skills have diminished it's fine..." Naruto said. He knew he had struck a nerve and seemed intent to keep hammering at it. Time had done little to dull my skills but still, I told Naruto that either Tsunade or Shizune would be better fits at this time.

"Of course they are good fits...if you say no" Naruto said.

To that point, I had been saying "no" in a very polite way. However though inactive I was still a ninja and Naruto was my boss, my leader. If he insisted I go my continued refusal would be insubordination.

As if reading my mind he continued, "Sakura I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask that you to do me a favor. I am asking you this because I wish to rely on your..." He paused, I suppose he was searching for the right words. Eventually he looked me in the eyes and finished the thought "tremendously valuable expertise."

Yes Naruto played a great hand. I was far from immune to such high quality professional flattery. So I said yes despite the bit of maternal guilt. My parents could watch Sarada while I was away. I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened next

I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.

"That's all she had to say about that?"

He thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No, that wasn't right, saying it was good created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. No, "good" wasn't the right word to use. Besides good wouldn't have affected him so much. This kiss had a lot of weight to it, a lot of history attached to it. It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable and his longing for it had been lost so long ago.

Hadn't it?

He drew in a deep breath calming his thoughts and his nerves. His perspective didn't matter. It didn't matter then it didn't matter now. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. Everything would be okay. All he had to do was confirm that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal. He continued reading, skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

April 9th:

I've forced myself to face the reality of what happened. I admit that I'm somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me two months to process it all. It's taken a considerable amount of my mental resources to go over what happened, why it happened and what would happen next. The saying "better late than never" was truly appropriate for this occasion.

After the kiss I thought our friendship was done. I had stood frozen in my kitchen watching Naruto wordlessly stumble out the door. When I dared to breathe again, I considered going to his office and apologizing, I then thought about going to his home and apologizing to Hinata. But I didn't do anything. For a week or so I was draped in pessimism and doubt and I haunted my own house like a brooding spirit not quite sure whether it was dead of alive. When Sarada began to notice my occasional absentmindedness I realized I'd had to chase the distressing thoughts from my mind.

That is until today. This morning it hit me that I had gone two months without any word from Naruto. But that wasn't at all unusual. The reality is after two months I am not sure the kiss has changed anything. And really I couldn't hope for any more than that. That nothing would change, that the kiss would simply fade into history. The best case scenario for everyone was if it were ignored. Maybe that's what Naruto was doing while I brooded. He was letting it fade. I don't fear the end of our friendship anymore. That type of steel is not easily shattered.

So I am not afraid but I am bothered. The kiss had been nothing but a mistake yet it still lingered with me. When I allow myself to think about it my mind goes back not to the kiss itself but the moment our lips broke. In the immediate aftermath of the kiss I felt awash in sensuality. I felt a womanly glow from head to toe that had been missing in my life for a long time. How do I sincerely apologize for something that I enjoyed?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto's face navigated successfully from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry. However he hadn't the time to asses his emotions. Answers first, emotions later. He flipped through the pages of the journal again with another specific date in mind

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 16: The road to Amegakure

Naruto had insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His entourage including his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin flushed with pride and excitement.

Instant morale.

Being Hokage isn't just about being strong. You need to understand people. Naruto understands people. Very few realize that Naruto has put as much if not more effort into trying to understand others as he has into expanding his strength as a ninja. Whether he agrees or disagrees with your ideology, whether you are trying to kill him or not, Naruto tries to understand. It is an underrated aspect of his personality.

I have yet to speak with Naruto face to face since our last encounter. I am not sure if he's avoiding me or if I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via phone calls, messengers, or emails from his secretarial staff.

On a more enjoyable note, I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rocky since he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment

"I've noticed that you've lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed, since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I'd see you this thin again."

I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 17th

Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.

We were a day away from the village hidden by rain and I had spent most of the morning being pleasantly surprised by the sights of the very scenic route we were taking. It seems the perception of Amegakure being located in the middle of a bleak, sunless, miserable depressing swamp was unfounded. This nation's best held secret is its amazing rural landscape. The rolling hills, the winding country roads. the ancient woodlands, I was quickly enraptured by the natural beauty and serenity of life in this foreign land. It was a wonder to me how such a serene atmosphere could blossom in a country that has been the battlefield for three shinboi wars. This country was a miracle to anyone who saw it through a historian's eyes.

Anyway I was strolling besides a lovely river when Naruto arrived. I had been caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't sensed his approach. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto's speed.

He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. "Sakura I would like to converse with you."

Though I was caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I consented to this impromptu meeting. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.

I turned to Naruto but he stared forward his eyes on the trail ahead. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.

Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I've had with Sasuke over the years quite a few of them were about the changes in Naruto. I wondered if Sasuke had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but he hadn't been too concerned. As he put it, Naruto's change was the unfortunate cost of leading men.

"Nothing stays the same forever Sakura" Sasuke had told me.

From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected, but how much was too much?

"I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This will be the first time that you've spent such a considerable amount of time away from your daughter. I know that will be hard."

I told him the truth that I missed her a ton already. That I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this parade of shinobi was silly.

I mimicked Sarada's voice

"Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly. Why does the Hokage wear that hat? It's silly. Mom you're silly."

I looked over at Naruto to see that he had managed half a smile. And just like that we were good friends again. I asked him if he had ever cried when leaving behind Boruto and Himawari.

He cleared his throat. "I may have teared up a little...once or twice"

Here was arguably the strongest man in the world admitting to tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he changed the subject.

"I just wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service."

I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services, that said if I were to be honest, I was only going to Amegakure because he had asked. I was doing him a favor.

"Now if can you do me a favor Naruto, please stop it with the too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting."

Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.

"One day Sakura you will notice that I am your boss."

I parried back that I had no problem having him as my boss. I just preferred he talk to me with his normal face.

He conceded the point and carried on.

"I am just trying to say I am glad you came."

I revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me when we left the village. I figured that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag to someone about this grand historic event.

Naruto's face shone with childish delight. "Why would I brag about this? It wasn't all my idea."

Though Shikamaru had a hand in it, this was mostly Naruto's idea and it was not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant or monster out there, people would expect Naruto to go out and punch him-it in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.

After explaining my reasoning I looked over at Naruto to see him barely able to contain his glee.

So I continued. "I can see it now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura 'this is my baby.' Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say."

He laughed. His laughter was contagious and I caught the bug moments after. Well I couldn't really fight it off if I had wanted. Unfortunately the laughter had to settle and things had to get serious. I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.

"There are shadows beneath your eyes. You also seem a little restless" I said to him.

"There has been a lot on my mind recently" Naruto said.

It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages at the summit.

His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.

"You know what hasn't helped me sleep? Thinking about that kiss."

I felts some color spring up to my cheeks but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.

"You should be angry with me" I told him.

"I am not angry. I am just confused."

"You shouldn't be confused."

"I shouldn't be, but I am."

"Please don't be confused. It shouldn't have happened."

"It shouldn't have but it did."

"You shouldn't even think about it"

"I shouldn't but I do."

That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take thirty to forty seconds of awkward silence in between each statement. I gathered my thoughts and then I, as softly as I could, reiterated that it had been a mistake-an awful mistake and I was sorry that I betrayed him in such away.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me. His eyes were searching. For what I don't know.

"Don't worry about it," he said eventually. "Let's consider it a joke between friends."

"A joke?" I asked.

"A private joke, something we can laugh about later...privately"

I agreed to these guiltless terms and we continued walking in silence. Naruto turned towards the river and it took me a moment to see what caught his eye. A trio of children steering their raft down the river.

"Sakura did you enjoy the daffodil valley we passed earlier today?" Naruto asked

"It was beautiful. There's nothing like it near Konohagakure."

"I knew you'd enjoy it."

I asked him how he knew that and he answered that he had recalled t I liked to go on walks and the valley seemed like the perfect walking spot. He was right, I did like walking and it was an almost perfect spot for a romantic stroll. Naruto then surprised me with what he said next.

"You should come back here. With Sasuke. You know-go walking in the moonlight."

That did sound nice if one ignored the looming fact that neither of us really knew when we'd see my husband next. Well I should say I don't know when I'll see Sasuke next. I am sure there are measures in place for Naruto and Sasuke to come in contact with each other in case of emergencies.

"You should bring Hinata here as well. You know go walking in the moonlight."

Naruto gestured towards the river. "She's more of a swimmer than a walker."

"Oh, well then take her swimming!" I said with much force than was appropriate for the conversation.

Naruto turned his attention back to me. He seemed very amused by my unexpected command.

"Would that be something a good husband would do?"

"Yes." I said while trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed by my outburst. "A good husband should do everything he can to keep his wife happy."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Well now you know."

"So what does a good wife do?"

I told Naruto that a good wife should do everything she can to try and keep her husband from doing something stupid.

He chuckled, then he started to say "so how come Sasuke has-" but he stopped halfway through. I am not sure what annoyed me more that he stopped or that he apologized afterwards.

"Sorry..."

Curious I asked him what he was apologizing for and he shrugged.

"Sasuke is your husband..."

I knew that, we both knew that.

"Yes, and?"

He shrugged again.

"How come Sasuke has what?" I asked.

Naruto paused and then finished the thought. "That hairstyle...I mean..come on"

"I like it" I told him.

"You do? Ah I guess you kind of have to don't you?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing is wrong. You have a very pretty husband Sakura and you should be proud."

"Oh you're just a jerk" I said

Naruto laughed openly at my defense of my husband's flowing locks.

"You're just jealous" I countered.

Naruto's laughter wound down and the color in his cheeks bloomed.

"Maybe" he said just above a whisper.

I changed the subject.

"Are you nervous?"

"About what?" Naruto asked

"The success of these exams."

"The exams will definitely be a success. Whether they will have the lingering affect I hope that they will..." Naruto shook his head as his words trailed. "The exams were always a good idea. But under the disguise of improving relationships between villages it had become an excuse for espionage. Now going forward it'll be a celebration. We invite the rest of the world to our world."

Naruto scratched at his cheek and a boyish excitement broke through the surface of his face. "We celebrate our nations and our villages, but more importantly we celebrate our shinobi, if we celebrate the humanity of a shinobi maybe...Maybe I can show them the world the way I see it."

I pointed out to him that a troop of shinobi stomping through the countryside of a foreign land would normally be called an invasion. I interpreted that to mean that things had already changed significantly. Naruto seemed happy to hear that.

I think that it was clear to anyone on that march-especially those of us who had fought in the war that something special was going on here. I was contemplating on how much the world had changed when Naruto tapped my shoulder and turned my attention back to the river, the children had spotted us and they waved excitedly at us. We matched their enthusiasm, throwing both of our hands up in the air as we waved back. With his eyes still on the children Naruto remarked how much he wanted to believe Nagato had once stood on the same spot he was standing on. He wondered if, and he wanted to believe, that Nagato had admired and valued the beauty of this land as much as Naruto did now.

He looked at my expectantly and I searched myself for words of wisdom or comfort. At a loss for words I just smiled at him. He smiled back.

"We should talk more Sakura."

"Sure, but you'll have to stop being busy."

"Well..." he started.

"I get it" I interrupted. "You're the Hokage, and a father and a husband."

Naruto nodded.

"Plus I'm busy too," I added. "Sarada is a handful and a half."

"I'm sure" Naruto said.

For a few breaths we just looked at each other.

"I should go" Naruto said his voice a Hokage's voice now, measured and collected. The Seventh had returned and I was in the process of being dismissed

"Enjoy the scenery Sakura."

"Is that an order?"

He smiled. "A direct order."

"Well you're the boss" I replied.

"Oh you remembered." With that said Naruto quickened his pace to break away from me.

"Try and get some rest tonight." I called out to his back.

He slowed his pace for a step or two and then turned to me. "Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts."

This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.

I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss, likely for the rest of our lives. He was a monster but we were still great friends.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto placed his open palm over his face and groaned into it. What a time for his juvenile sense of humor to reemerge. The perverted antics, the pranks, the impulsive behavior, these were things he thought he had left behind in adolescence.

What kind of man...what kind of Hokage loses his mind after being kissed?

Naruto ran his hand up his face, across his forehead, and through his hair. That stupid kiss. He'd felt its lingering burn for far too many weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoken from sleep stunned at the good fortune that he hadn't called out Sakura's name while his wife slept. There were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it was at best a temporary fix, the burn continued to cry out for a soothing salve.

Naruto laughed, any experience of shame, embarrassment or guilt he'd felt before was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now. Despite the fact that he felt awful, he still needed an answer. So he kept reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 19th 11 PM: The road to Amegakure

Can't sleep

Why did that idiot have to say that?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jun 21: 1:30 AM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel

I came to Amegakure knowing two things. One, being a part of the Hokage's inner circle would land me in midst of celebrities, diplomats, kages, and pure blooded nobility. Two the entire event would be one long festival with the occasional breaks for the examination, the kage summit, and maybe sleep if time permitted. With consideration of these facts I made sure I packed the proper attire necessary for both formal and informal festivities. Despite my foresight I was not prepared for the level of celebration Amergakure had in store for us. I did not have any clothes with me or at home that could have matched the gallantry of the opening night party. However that fact didn't discourage me at all. Years ago Ino gave me the backhanded compliment of having a talent for doing a whole lot with very little. She was technically right but that insight didn't just apply to my sense of fashion. Doing so much with so little was the overarching theme of my life.

I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of grand affair. That dress is my go to when I really wanted to look good, to be beautiful. I've never lacked confidence wearing it. Considering how long its been since I was last at a party that wasn't centered around a child I needed that confidence. The night started off well I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto. He had been stalking the other side of the room with a paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the fact that he could wipe out most if not the entire room if came to that. It wasn't until Gaara joined his company that the gentle light returned to his eyes. Besides Gaara or Sai the only person Naruto seemed to really have a solid report with was the man who appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.

As I was making a mental note of that Naruto looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass catching me in a stare.

His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I felt mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto's personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat. Before the party I had tried to embrace the guilt as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. It had been hard to sleep with the knowledge that my daughter was not within walking distance of my bed. How many nights did she crawl into my bed when the roar of thunder outside her window scared her? Countless. Then there the nights I went to her, when the silence inside the house scared me. She needed me and I needed her. Those were the facts.

But once the party started it didn't take long for me to surrender to the creeping notion that that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pounced upon by a group of medics from Amegakure. They were young men, energetic and enthusiastic about medical ninjutsu. They were the future of Amegakure's medical field and they knew it. They also knew Tsunade and they I knew had been her protege. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade's methodology during surgery then we ventured into a fascinating discussion on the current breakthroughs in medical research, and then somehow we wandered into what it meant to be a medical ninja. How important were we really? Ninja who focused on the art of saving lives rather then taking them.

It was an enjoyable conversation though it was hard to avoid the fact that I was the only female in the group. I was also the only one in our mini party sporting a wedding ring. It didn't really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. A few of them were them were testing the waters, gauging my interest or lack thereof. They where bold but young men, I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness. Yes they were harmless, the real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.

"Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my medic for a moment."

The young medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord when Naruto butted into our conversation. Seeing the immediate consequence of his presence Naruto said rather sheepishly "I didn't mean for them to take off like that."

"Your medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance?" I asked

"No you're still min-the village's medic I am simply showing you off."

"Oh like a pony" I retorted.

"A prized pony" He chuckled.

A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party. I was articulating my enjoyment when his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety of movement would have gotten top marks from Iruka. As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company. When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him this night.

I was wrong.

When I returned to the floor of my hotel room a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.

"I left early" he said answering the obvious question in the air.

"And you came here?"

"No, I went to my room first."

"And then you pigged out on some ramen?"

"How did you know?" he asked.

I told him about the piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.

I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"

"Oh" Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides. I shook my head and wondered aloud how was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.

"It's really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu."

"Fair enough. So why are you here Naruto?" I asked

"Why did you kiss me?"

I let out a long slow breath before I answered. "You caught me at a bad time."

Skepticism clouded his eyes.

Words flowed out of my mouth. "Sarada was asleep, she wasn't going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes."

I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.

"I was lonely. It was a mistake"

"Okay" He said dispassionately. "I understand.'

I had a question for him.

With my voice tinged with irritation I said "I've been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics, were you doing your duty and watching over your best friend's wife?"

He cringed and it broke his serious Hokage face.

"I am just wondering if you were protecting the virtue and honor of your best friend's wife."

Naruto cleared his throat. "I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear "shannaro" right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us, I have to declare war on them. They attack us and our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it's Amegakure."

It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. Amusing enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto's intentions were at the very least I was sure they came from a good place.

"So you are not here to watch my door like a guard dog?"

He sighed. "Never even crossed my mind."

"Good. I can take care of myself."

He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. "I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way."

I smiled. "Now Naruto wouldn't fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?"

He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.

"There are exceptions to every rule."

"Doesn't your administration support pacifism?"

"Sakura it's closer to a non-aggression principle." He gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say "I've come a long way. Are you impressed?"

I was impressed for the record.

"Alright Naruto if by chance I assault a foreign ally, I give you permission to allow me to be arrested. If I happen to break a decade long peace treaty feel free to just let me go."

He said "I may not be able to let you go..." before he paused and quickly tagged on "as a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people."

Something about the tone of the first half of his statement had an immediate affect on me. His said it low enough for it register as a whisper and it sent goosebumps running up and down my flesh. I responded with a general but true statement about how his loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just to do something other than stare awkwardly at him.

I heard him say over my shoulder, "You looked beau-nice tonight."

I turned to face him.

"Well you are just being kind."

His eyes softened. "No I am not."

"Thank you, I guess-its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well...I mean..If we were both single...y'know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now..."

The light chuckle of an embarrassed woman escaped my lips. I laughed at myself, at my anxiousness. I must have looked a mess because Naruto just stared at me. He appeared confused maybe even worried, as if I had broken the married man and married woman's neutral compliment pact.

"Sakura, may I ask another question?"

I nodded to him.

"Why am I having a hard time believing you?"

"About what?"

"The kiss."

He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.

He considered it for a long, long, long time. Then he smiled before backing away from the doorway, apologizing for his interruption, and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.

I agreed and I even recommended a minimum of eight hours. I didn't let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .

Overall, I can say I had a good time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With the journal in hand Naruto paced about his hotel room. He remembered the night of the opening ceremony very well. He had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. Or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Back then, it hadn't been that long ago, he had felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now, something more than friendly.

Naruto had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man regaining his sight after being blind for many years. Rather than allowing himself to be drawn to Sakura like a month to a flame Naruto deliberately avoided her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.

At first it had manifested itself in amusement.

These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn't here

As the conversation continued it became impatience.

Talking for so long to another man's wife those guys are pretty lucky I'm not Sasuke

As the conversation continued it became irritation.

If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now

And then.

If I were Sasuke...

The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her, touch her like she wanted to be touched. Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head. He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And then what did he do? He waited for her at her hotel room. Somehow he'd gotten it into his mind that it was a good idea to be standing beside her right outside her room, him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.

A moth to the flame.

When a husband is jealous, he worries that he might be losing his wife. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?

Naruto returned to the journal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 25th:

Descriptions such as captivating or inspiring are what I've heard people use to describe a speech by Naruto. But those words fail to capture the intimate connection that takes between Naruto and his audience. Whether it's an impromptu rally to the troops or a scripted event at a formal venue his innate skill at public speaking always shined through. Today was no exception, Naruto's optimism, his compassion, his emotional intelligence were put on display and I found myself in silent awe.

We've known each other for so long and he still surprises me.

I hadn't planned on being a part of such a moment. In fact my intention was just to drop in and greet the Leaf students before they set off for the first stage of the exams. I was about to leave when Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly. Initially it started as one might expect "you represent the village, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure." The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.

It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rain-forest in the world. Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rain-forest as their homeland because of its abundance of resources and it's lack of predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rain-forest except consistent sunlight. Because the top canopy of the rain-forest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight the sage birds learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully, comfortably and without the need of flight. After some decades the sage birds had stopped teaching to their young how to fly and so soon enough many had forgotten this ability altogether.

There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it's warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun. This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, and he rediscovered the ability of flight. As soon as he had trained his body to be physically capable the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.

Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rain forest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he was certain of only two things. One, beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two, he could not imagine a more joyous event than spreading his wings and being engulfed in that warm glow. With the dreams of gliding between sun-rays in his heart the sage bird soared right into the heart of the storm.

And he was never seen or heard from again.

After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was traditionally a cautionary fable against impulsive behavior, against impatience, against arrogance and greed. On a deeper level still it was a simple observation on human nature, on how some people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He had in fact admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.

Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he could see the wisdom of the traditional interpretations yet he could also still see the merits in his youthful interpretation.

"You will all learn soon enough that the line between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness easily blur" Naruto told the students.

"I say consider this what if the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly and he knew he only had weeks left to live, no, days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?"

Naruto continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they would think to themselves that it was oaky to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly. He went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. The wisest position to take. But they assume, and it was a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes, he said, whether you know it or not you only get one chance.

"If you get that chance, the opportunity to fulfill a dream..."

He paused.

"Some birds are happy singing and dancing on the forest floor. That can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may have to face the rain and the thunder. It's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk."

The genin departed for the first phase of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was unexpectedly the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake. I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and anyone else I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. I told him that I also got that bittersweet feeling every time the exams came around. Naruto appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly. "I'm glad you are here Sakura."

He then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and he said. "I wish Sasuke was here as well."

Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an "us" in some way or some form. "We," "Team Seven," would always exist. I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking for awhile.

Naruto sighed. "When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn't a rule I wouldn't break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-"

He glanced at me, unemotional.

"-No I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules."

Not knowing exactly how to respond I said, "Funny how things change."

Naruto caught my eyes,"so you think I've changed?"

I considered the question for some time before answering. "I think-your priorities, naturally, have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place."

Naruto gave me an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto's change, at least to his face.

"I couldn't be the Hokage and still be...I had to mature into the kind of man a Hokage should be."

"Oh you've matured? I hadn't noticed." I said teasing him.

He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "I am mature, I read books in my spare time."

I asked him what kind of books he read.

"Literature" he said a grin forming on his face.

"Oh what kind of literature?"

"The classics."

"Like what?"

He looked off to the side. "The Lighthouse-on-the-Mountaintop. Its not a well known book but it's a classic."

I laughed out loud. "You just made that up."

He snorted. "Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are."

"You are not!" I challenged. "Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountaintop?"

"Questioning your Hokage is insubordination" He replied.

"Have mercy on your lowly subordinate Hokage-sama" I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, "What did you do to me?"

I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. "Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts."

Abruptly Naruto's stomach collided with my fist.

"That's the kind of joke you want to crack in public?" I whispered back to him.

Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he double over at the waist. Still trying to catch his breath, Naruto plopped down onto the ground to collect himself. I did likewise and I sat facing him

He continued laughing "You know how long its been since someone has hit me?"

"I didn't hit you that hard." I said now slightly embarrassed.

He laughed again and I was struck by nostalgia.

"Naruto, don't change too much okay?"

"That is a promise I can't make." He said pointing to his hat. " He sighed and smiled at me.

"Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me."

I scoffed. "And you will always be an idiot to me."

He grinned. "That's fine. I don't think I mind that at all."

It was one of Naruto's better grins. It flashed and reflected the Amegakure sun and I was infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 27th:

The second stage of the exam took place in Amegakure's version of the Forest Death. The village hidden in the rain had in it's back pocket an immense swamp-like arena that according to the locals had been the only part of the village to be untouched by the civil war. Apparently it was too hot and humid, and the smell too pungent to house rebels or loyalists at any stage of the war. I suppose if anyone could find value in the swamp it would be the Aburame clan. The vast array of hideous insects that claimed the swamp as their home would have surely delighted them.

Knowing from firsthand experience that the exams weren't designed for comfort I still felt genuine pity for the genin having to wade through all that muck. Luckily they were up for the challenge. The harsh environment offered the genin their first opportunities to truly shine as a shinobi and many of them took advantage of the spotlight. The highlights of the second stage, the moments where the genin put on displays of courage, toughness or pride, were broadcast to all the villages of the Alliance. But the general populace only got the replays for this portion of the exam. The entire event however was streamed live to the big wigs and VIPs.

Once again I was in the room with VIPs. The usual suspects were there, the diplomats, the captains of industry, kages, daiyamos. It was a star studded room with six long tables set up with a variety of specialty snacks from all of the villages within the alliance. The dozens or so monitors on the walls showed the genin, giving it all, putting their egos and lives on the line and the VIPs simply nodded approvingly or clapped politely when something amazing happened. There were long stretches of time were the room was so quiet that you would have thought you walked into a library. Although I'd earned the right to be there I still didn't exactly feel like it was my crowd. I tried my best to keep the peace so to speak but I had underestimated the potency of Amegakure's candy flavored liquor. The delicious drinks, in combination with a plucky young genin showing serious guts, got me in some trouble.

"SHANNARO!"

I threw in a fist pump to emphasize my less than refined behavior.

I was pretty sure every head in the room turned to me. From me the crowd then turned, to my mortification, to Naruto. Naruto who had been in a group featuring Gaara and nobles from the Land of Fire and Earth looked over at me and I turned away sheepish. I kept my head down and made a beeline for the tables and grabbed myself a small bowl of mixed fruit. I was spearing some blueberries with a fork when Naruto appeared beside me.

"Sakura"

"Sorry I got caught up in the action." I slurred without looking up from my forkful of berries.

"Right...that's why I am here to scold you for your barbarian-like behavior."

Looking up at him, I was surprised to see the touch of amusement on his face. I started to apologize. I tried to make the case that I couldn't help but be moved by the display of young valor on the screen before me, but Naruto interrupted me.

"You okay?"

"Fine." I said catching myself from swaying.

"I see. You know it's funny I just realized that I never really thanked you."

"Thanked me for what?" I said catching myself from swaying.

"My fight during the final rounds-all those many moons ago. Before all hell broke loose" he sighed. "I heard you in the crowd, through the noise of the crowd. I don't think I told you how much I appreciated that."

"Naruto we were friends, we were a team, you would have done the same for me."

Naruto nodded. "Still I'm not sure you understand how much that meant to me...at the time. I should have thanked you."

I patted him on the shoulder, "Naruto there's an old saying what's understood never needs to be explained."

He smiled. "Is that so?"

"By the way aren't you supposed to be scolding me?"

"Consider yourself scolded."

I shook my head head. "But Naruto politically speaking as our leader you should consider kicking me out for embarrassing you."

Naruto scratched at his chin. "If I kick you out it would be me admitting it was wrong to have you here."

"Oh! You are thinking politically" I said with alcohol laced cheer. "If I stay it would imply I'm here because you want me here-despite my behavior."

"It would imply I enjoy your company."

"On the other hand Naruto, it may also imply that you have an impudent subordinate around you that you can't control."

Naruto shrugged, "or it would imply that I enjoy your company and people will have to deal with that."

I studied him for a moment. At that moment I truly wanted to believe what he said was true.

"Do you enjoy my company Naruto?" I asked. "Really?"

"Of course."

I couldn't contain my smile even if I had tried. But then I looked over Naruto's shoulders to see some of the Raikage's entourage side-eying me. "I think I annoyed them."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "That's their problem. My problem is that-technically in a situations like this the Kage have to be...circumspect."

"Naruto...I mean this with all due respect, But you're vocabulary has come a really really long way." I declared. "I'm not saying you were a dumb kid but-I'll just say this, the gap between your strength from back then to know is parallel to the gap in your vocabulary from back then to now."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. It really is. I am very impressed with you right now."

A soft laughter escaped Naruto's mouth. "They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"Oh my gosh they do" I aggressively agreed.

"They can sneak up on you though."

"Yep" I said taking in a deep breath,

"As I was saying Sakura I as the Hokage -have to be circumspect but..."

"Way ahead of you Naruto. I'm not the Hokage. So I can cheer for our kids-on your behalf. Since that is your will than I shall comply Hokage-sama."

Naruto gestured towards Gaara's direction with his head. "Come and join us."

As Naruto led me towards the center of the room I ignored the glares of those who preferred to show support for their ninja in prudish silence.

"That genin was very impressive wasn't she? You know she reminded me of someone." Naruto remarked.

"Did she?" I asked. "I wonder who?"

Since I was following Naruto I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. I'd like to say I managed to restrain myself from any additional outbursts for the rest of the night but that would be a lie. I am not the type of ninja to go counter to the will of my Hokage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All of it came vividly to Naruto's mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm glances exchanged. He could remember it all without much effort. A child, a young man would make ridiculous interpretations of those memories. A wise man, a leader, could see those moments for they are. Of course he and Sakura got along well there were years of friendship to back that up. Of course she made him smile, of course he enjoyed her company, she was a close friend.

Except she kissed him

It was her kiss that had started to twist his perspective. What was she thinking? She gave him some answers to that question but he didn't know if he believed her. Why couldn't he believe her? Her actions had forced him to doubt her-doubt her what? What was he doubting?

So many stupid childish questions. But he needed the answers, no matter how stupid or childish they may be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

June 29:

The life of a medical ninja is such that startling discoveries are routinely made in emergency rooms before the sun has even had a chance to crack a peek over the horizon. Fairly confident of the results of a night of research I made a beeline for Naruto's room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily as I arrived Sai stepped out of the room to presumably inspect the line. I let him know I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto's door to the dismay of the others on the line.

"He's being fitted for a custom robe right now, it's a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it's urgent..." Sai mentioned as he led me through Naruto's bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.

Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.

Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.

"Is there a problem Sai?"

Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind.

"What is your news Sakura?" Naruto asked.

I told him that I had two questions for him first.

"Are you wearing silk boxers?"

He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.

Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife's gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.

I went on to my next question.

"If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?"

Naruto's eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn't enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been. When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto's right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.

The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.

"Not bad for a papa huh?" Naruto asked with a grin.

At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto's body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto's overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, dependable.

"I have to say I am very impressed by how you've kept so fit" Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.

Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. "The message Sakura?"

I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers. Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.

I kept my thoughts about that to myself. There were more pressing concerns now anyway.

I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team had claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.

Naruto noted that Kirigakure had a considerable reputation for the usage of poison.

"Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?" He asked.

I told Naruto that the genin hadn't been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.

Naruto asked if I doubted the genin's story. I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say that someone had used a poison technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened to victims of such an attack. What they had described seeing was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure. But the normal process for that is that first one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.

"It's quite a frightening process. But it's fairly common" I said to Naruto.

"What really happened to the genin?" He asked.

I explained.

The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.

"So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?"

"It looks like that." I said solemnly. "It would have taken some time for the substance to seep in from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that."

I added to the bad news. "These genin might experience some long term effects once the recover. Most of it will be psychological."

Then I piled on some more. "This is new Naruto, I've never seen this before. And in larger doses an advanced variation of this has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield."

"It's your impression Sakura that this was developed after the war?" Naruto inquired.

"I would think so."

I saw something flash in Naruto's eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. "Can quick-acting antidotes be created?"

I hesitated

"In your opinion" Naruto added.

I answered sincerely. "I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that..."

Naruto put his hand up. "You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have."

I hesitated again.

Naruto grinned. "You've brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you."

I told him that I was honored and flattered but I'd have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.

"And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out..." Naruto said.

I asked who would take care of Sarada while I was working.

"When Sasuke comes back..."Naruto started

I cut him off. "When Sasuke comes back he won't stay. He doesn't stay."

"In time...I'll talk to him."

There was an unspoken "again" at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn't see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?

I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself. Yes, he would come home to a stable family to reset but needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn't be found at home.

"That's a separate issue. Right now, I can't help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura. One day you will wake up and notice this but it'll be too late!"

By then I was infuriated by the path the conversation had taken.

"I don't need you to save me Naruto?"

Sounding tired Naruto said, "Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are."

I snapped at him. "Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture?"

"Apples and oranges" Naruto growled.

"How do you figure that?"

"We're talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy."

"And you think you know what makes me happy?" I shouted at him.

"I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu."

"Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!"

It was then that Sai chimed in.

"It's interesting. Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations."

I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.

"Sai you're still here?" Naruto asked.

"Was I not supposed to be here?"

I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai's presence.

"Was that supposed to be a private moment?" Sai asked

Naruto's face was then caught in some odd transitional state between being himself and so being frustrated and being the Seventh and taking it in stride. The Seventh won out.

"Anyway thank you Sakura. This information that you've presented is invaluable."

With as much rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of "it was my pleasure."

Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage. After that we were dismissed. I was at the door when Naruto called out to me.

"Sakura if you can honestly say you don't enjoy it anymore, I'll let it go."

I didn't answer Naruto. I didn't have an answer for him. I continued through the door. As we stood outside of Naruto's room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; "I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I truly appreciate."

At that point I was too emotionally raw to contemplate what Sai was talking about. I agreed with him and called it a day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 1

Not sure what to make of what just happened. I was helping prep the emergency room for the coming preliminaries when I saw Sai patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he had rushed over.

"He seems very troubled. Perhaps you can help." Was all Sai said before gesturing for me to follow him.

"He" of course was Naruto. Sai brought me to the featured restaurant in the hotel where we found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop. I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn't seem all that upset.

"Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration."

Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground, breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto's head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they cooled considerably.

For as long as I've known Naruto it was generally never too difficult to figure out what he thought or how he felt about most things. However, the reality was that the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface. During our childhood the first impressions many had of Naruto was that he wore his heart out on his sleeve. If that was the impression you got of him you'd be right and wrong at the same time. Or perhaps it's better to say your insight would have been shallow. The water on the surface of Naruto's lake was crystal clear, transparent even, but it ran deeper than you could imagine. If you paid attention you'd realize he knew how to govern his passions to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his anger. If he didn't want you to know he was sad you'd see a near genuine smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation. Countless people had imagined they had Naruto figured out from their first impression of him, and he would of course surprise them, time and time again.

I include myself in that group.

After Sai helped a staff member of the restaurant clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.

"Just in time for lunch."

As we ate I couldn't help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet. I pointed this, among other subtle signs of his frustration, out to him but Naruto deflected my observations. As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto you seem upset"

Caution came upon Naruto's face. "I am fine."

Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.

"A little early for that don't you think." I remarked.

He laughed and told me that I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.

"You should watch yourself with the drinks in this village Naruto. They can sneak up on you."

Naruto smiled. "Your concern is noted."

He then took a mouthful of wine.

By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had made the decision to confide in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. It'd been obvious to the public that factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto's influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions or amendments he rarely cared for.

"When I was saving their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me."

"Some people want peace on their own terms" Sai said to Naruto.

It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.

"Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a typical Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stripped of their power by their village council."

Naruto leaned back in his seat. "I had not considered that Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT."

"I am just presenting the obvious Naruto. The easiest route for you and everyone to lasting peace would be to either single highhandedly or with Sasuke's help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Hokage of all Kages and have Sasuke as your-"

I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.

"Sai's just trying to help" I told Naruto.

Naruto nodded patiently. "Sai's not that far away from what some people think I am capable of. That's the frustrating thing about politics...it's still a war just without bloodshed."

After lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto's focus was now completely on his laptop. We'd gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto's table. Upon reaching him I jumped right into my rant. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade's work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren't really clicking for her she'd end the night by saying "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work." The night after if things still didn't go well she'd say "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work." She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.

Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.

"I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you." I blurted out to him. "Well I'm sure a lot of people still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still among those who still believe in you. And there are many who do."

Naruto turned away from the screen a grin making its way across his lips.

"I am trying to figure out how to order you to stop."

"Stop what?" I asked

"No it's impossible, you just do it naturally."

"Do what?"

"Being around you makes me feel very nostalgic. Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again and chuckled.

"Thank you for the kind words Sakura. You may go now."

Once again I found myself in Naruto's presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected with Sai outside the restaurant. After talking it over for awhile. We agreed to keep a closer eye on Naruto.

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The problem was nostalgia. For whatever reasons, conscious or unconscious, lately whenever Sakura was around the air became heavy with nostalgia. After rising from the couch and stretching his limbs, Naruto drew in a deep breath. It was perfectly understandable he thought, perfectly natural if he were honest. Certain moods always descended upon him during chuunin-exams. Certain events triggered certain memories and those memories seldom come without baggage.

He let out a breath. Neji came to mind. Neji often came to mind when he attended a chunnin exam. His memories of their fight, of Neji's death, of Neji's life, they always carried what? Sorrow, regret and gratitude in their wakes. In somewhat similar fashion since Sakura had kissed him old feelings had resurfaced.

Naruto ran his palms across his face. Feelings, no he wouldn't go that far. Fantasies-memories of an old love? Love? No, not even that. Unrequited infatuation? Yes of course. Like a tired old man he was replaying-reliving the springtime of youth. Naruto laughed to himself. Gai and Lee would be proud.

He took another deep breath. The stress of the summit and the excitement of the exam had led to the reemergence of a past life. Was something similar occurring with Sakura? She did mention that he had caught her in a bad mood. Was a perfect wave of stress and nostalgia the explanation for the kiss? A possible answer but not a satisfying one. Desiring satisfaction that he wasn't even sure he could find returned to Sakura's journal.

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July 3

First time in two days that I've had the free time to write. Despite the harsh environment the kids really battled hard in the second stage and so too many genin end up passing on. The consequence of this has been an unprecedented and epic multi-day event of randomly selected one-on-one matches. Generational talent had been put on display during the preliminaries and any red-bloodied shinobi could only be excited for the level of skill we were sure to see at the finals.

Still even as we look forward to seeing more of the winners we should still acknowledge those who hadn't be as triumphant. When the preliminaries had ended I found myself treating a despondent genin from the Konoha. Although he'd managed to make it out of a close and engaging fight with only bruised ribs his loss had bruised his self esteem. While I was examining him for any possible head injuries he started to cry. After administering some kindness along with a sedative, I got him to confide in me. Despite having come this far, the boy felt like a failure, a disgrace to his team and village. He'd taken his loss hard so as I treated his ribs I gave him some advice that I'd gleamed over the years.

What I have learned in my life is that there was no such thing as failure to a person that had no lost his guts, character and self respect. A ninja that does the best he or she could do under a given circumstance is a true ninja. Besides there never existed a ninja who succeeded at every objective before him. The great ones however understood that glory came in the rising after every fall. As I talked the boy had remained quiet, when I looked to see if he was being receptive to my words I noticed the wide eyed expression on his face. I followed his gaze beyond my shoulder only to turn to find Naruto.

"Sorry to interrupt" he said staring at me. "It's been awhile since I've watched you work."

I looked a bit to see all the medics and technicians had stopped to stare at him. No one had anticipated that any of the Kages would come down to the medical rooms.

He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either. Naruto found this to be excellent news. I added that I was still a little concerned about him. By the looks of it he was still not getting enough sleep.

He smirked while narrowing his eyes playfully "I appreciate your concern but sleep is a luxury for a Hokage."

I raised my fist. "Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I'll put you to sleep myself."

He laughed, and then following his cue the eavesdroppers chuckled.

"I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine."

"Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know" I said.

Naruto glanced at the still wide-eyed genin. "Take good care of this one Sakura, I need guys like him. Gutsy guys. The future of our village is bright with ninja like him around to support me."

With that said Naruto left and after a few breaths the awestruck genin asked "That was the Hokage right?"

"Yep" I said.

The genin cried again for more joyous reasons this time. A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked "You can call your Kage by his first name?"

I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he'll call rather than drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.

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July 5th

Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least "routine" is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters. There is a pause before the final rounds of the exam but we see each other frequently between the summit meetings. And yet we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.

Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual interactions. Especially if the majority of them consist of us passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at random intervals so Naruto could make some concise authoritative statement to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.

Whenever I got close enough to this cavalcade Naruto's eyes would cut towards me and I'd see a smile dance at the corners of her lips. I don't know why but I don't say "hello", I don't wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath we've turned away from each other.

The discreetness of the entire exchange is fascinating but odd. I'm not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments. Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? The strangeness of these banal moments is that they somehow leave me terrified and elated.

I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?

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Naruto stared at the journal. He contemplated destroying it or perhaps it would be better to order Sakura to destroy it. Could he do that? Could he ask that of her? Anyone who read the entry he just read may get the wrong idea. Was he getting the wrong idea? No, not after that last entry. With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.

But where did this, where did it all come from? It still didn't make any sense. He kept reading.

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July 6th:

Quiet day today, thankfully. Heaven willing the rest our time in Amegakure will be as rational. Speaking of the village hidden by rain, I realized today that it hasn't rained a bit since we entered the village. I guess we're lucky for that. People may find it odd but a part of me was looking forward to experiencing some of this village's infamous gloomy weather. I've always found there to be a sad beauty in rainfall. I admit it's strange but to me the rain is quite beautiful to look at especially as it hits the surface of a windowsill. Little drops from the heavens, are they diamonds or teardrops? It depends on your mood.

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July 7th:

I just had a dirty dream.

I haven't had a dirty dream in a long time.

I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the effects of seeing Naruto half naked would have on me. In the dream I wore the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage's office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.

I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto's laptop, his lamp, and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.

Naruto placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress and traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and in response Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.

I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panties.

He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.

Then I woke up.

With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I ran towards the shower. I spent a while in the shower.

I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of cold water, and then proceeded to dump the water over his head.

The truth now.

He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him, it hadn't made her hideous. But his attraction became a distant one. When Naruto saw a picture of a beautiful woman he could objectively feel that the woman was alluring or captivating without feeling the pull, the longing to be with that woman. He could have said the same for Sakura for years now. Attraction without the desire for more than he had.

But then the kiss. Just with that it was as if recalling specific details of a once vague memory.

The desire for more returned. No it hadn't simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance. The attractions of his youth, wanting to get a kiss from her or take a peep at her in the baths carried with them an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her, to be by her side. His attraction had once been limited by experience. When you knew how it feels to have a woman's body press against yours, when you know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body syncing with yours and what it means to get lost inside her...

Once you know...It made attraction a very different beast. Naruto swiped at his wet fce with his arms. He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did her partner get to see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy?

He poured himself another glass of water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.

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Jul 8:

I look Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.

Not looking forward to sleeping tonight. If I have another dirty dream I'll wake up feeling guilty again. If I don't have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.

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Jul 9:

Tonight started off well enough. But of course as expected with my luck recently, it took an unpredicatable turn. The Kage's meeting ended early so Sai and I were invited to have dinner with Naruto and we were soon joined by the Raikage and the Kazekage. As we shared food and drinks we covered every predictable topic under the sun. I found it adorable how Naruto's eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either of us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if it were the first time either of us had heard it

Then things got strange. Naruto had inquired about Bee.

"He's in love," The Raikage had frowned. "Well to be more accurate he's obsessed."

Naruto took this revelation with amusement. The Raikage was not as happy about it. Quite frankly he seemed somewhat irritated by Bee's antics during his apparently fevered courtship.

"It's all he talks about at dinner tables or mission briefings." The Raikage declared.

"Bee did strike me as a romantic" Naruto stated.

"Really? I think this came out of nowhere. I don't remember him ever desiring to be in a-commited relationship."

"Such desires do not materialize out of thin air. He always had it you just never noticed." Gaara told the Raikage.

"Actually" Sai began. "It could have been spontaneous. No one is immune to the sudden arrival or departure of desire."

"That's an interesting point Sai" I said. "It's possible Bee may have had a sudden change of heart."

"Change for the worst." The Raikage sighed. "It's like he's lost his mind."

Taking this cue I told the group an amusing bit of medical history. Centuries ago love sickness had been listed as a medical condition. Of all the passions listed love was considered the most violent and troubling of all. Though not fatal it had considerable mental and physical effects on the people.

"So what did our ancestors think was the cure for this condition?" Naruto asked me.

"Well according to the scrolls when no other means will take effect. Let the patient go off and be with his lover."

"Sounds effective." Naruto said with a smirk.

"If I were perfectly honest...I don't know what Bee sees in her." The Raikage groused.

Naruto nodded. "Well what's that old saying, 'the heart has its reasons, which reason does now know.'"

Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, "Shukaku and I were a little surprised when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you'd two would get together."

Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. I waited for him to comment but I suppose he'd been waiting for me to comment because Gaara's statement was met by absolute silence.

So of course Sai jumped, "That is interesting because I too once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura."

Naruto addressed the table.

"I still do have strong feelings for Sakura...just not in the way you once thought Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn't until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else."

Sai seemed to consider this. "So you are saying your feelings weren't real?"

"Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love. Something inferior."

"Compared to Sakura's love for Sasuke" Sai added.

"Let's just say my feelings were not as big as her love for Sasuke."

Naruto laughed good naturedly. "So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me."

Despite my better judgment I said. "That's not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind."

"Really?" Sai asked.

Naruto returned his attention to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.

"Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings."

He stared right into my eyes as he talked.

"Sasuke was-is the only love I've known that is true. But I did consider Naruto."

I was addressing the table as well but I didn't break our eye contact.

"Naruto was the strongest of the three of us-not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. Of course I did consider Naruto but..."

I paused.

My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. The words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.

"Well...He didn't need me."

I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took me a moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.

"I wanted to be needed."

I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears, I'm not sure what he said. I stared into Naruto's eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.

"...So just like Hinata needed me." I had heard someone say.

And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto's voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"In the end it all worked out for the best. We're both with the loves our lives, we're still friends, everyone is happy."

Sai nodded. "There's also a saying that true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. "

"I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet" I laughed.

The entire table broke out into laughter. No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right up to Sai's "quotation" had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. It's obvious that he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. So of course he eagerly accepted this lighter tone. The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After some cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.

Well what happened at dinner was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse the emotional highlight of the night. In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who would be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.

I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,

Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.

"There was no reason for me to lie" I said anticipating his thoughts. "Not this time..."

He didn't respond but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto's level of fitness or his demeanor. It was subtle though and would have escaped the notice of most people. But as a medic it would have been harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized, making a very good attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt.

I stepped closer to Naruto and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing has changed Naruto."

He licked his lips, "I don't even know if I believe anything you say anymore."

"What?"

"I hear you but I can't tell..." The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back. "When you kissed me it-."

He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.

"Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?"

"I figured you would want to talk. I thought I'd save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night."

"You thought you'd save us the trouble?"

He smiled.

"Am I that predictable Sakura?"

"It depends. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i-"

Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now, in hindsight, that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to do. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds. This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses. Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting the sea I simply flowed into him.

Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto's hands stalled on the first knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.

We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.

I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, "That should not have happened."

"I shouldn't eat ramen, I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't kiss you. Sakura tell me why all the bad stuff are so addictive?"

I lowered my voice to a raspy tone. "In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality. You get a taste of something good and you just want more."

Naruto gave me a wolfish grin. "I think you're right doctor I just can't help myself."

Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.

When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back. We just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.

"I think we've crossed a line." He said.

We released our grips on each other. Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have happened had we been in a less public area. In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occurred beneath a shared cloud of guilt.

Soon enough Naruto back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight and I found to courage to apologize.

He shook his head, apologizing to me "I should be...better than this"

"We both should be better...than this" I conceded.

Naruto walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. "Before I met you, I wanted to be the Hokage. I don't recall much about my life befor that dream was part of my life. I can't even imagine what a Uzumaki Naruto who didn't want to be a Hokage would look like. I knew from a very early age that nothing, nothing on this earth would get in the way of my dream."

He look over his shoulder at me. "Sakura you and I are very similar. Was-Am I wrong to think that?"

I felt a hard lump in my throat and I did my best to swallow it. "We are similar in many ways."

Naruto waited a beat before adding, "I thought so."

He studied me for a moment before leaving. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.

I took a moment then to assess myself. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. They came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made and the promises I had broken if not physically but mentally. I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto recalled the moment after the second kiss when Sakura had pushing up against him. It was then that it had dawned on him what was happening. At that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.

In the aftermath, while he was in his room and with reason returned to him, he found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered calling to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt. He wanted to tell the truth. But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall in love with his busy schedule?

He didn't call her. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. He had an obligation to Hinata, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan. He hated to disappoint her.

Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity, even when his lust had abated, he was aware that the temptation to go back to Sakura was a real one. It was something more that just a physical reaction. This feeling though familiar frightened him. It frightened him more than any enemy combatant ever could.

Naruto laughed as he flipped the next page in Sakura's journal, he was in the same position that he had been many years ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura's he could not be certain.

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Jul 10:

Infidelity is an ugly word.

An even uglier act

Nothing good can come from it.

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Jul 10:

There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this. If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster? Perhaps

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jul 11

Naruto forgets that he and Sasuke are also alike. Sasuke also had a dream that no one would get in the way of. Sasuke lived out his dream and has yet to forgive himself for its completion.

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Jul 12:

If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn't all that bad. If it's all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.

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Jul 13:

Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.

"He's upset again."

We got to Naruto's hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh. I threw questions at him. I managed to only get a vague and cryptic answer, which was all things considered a victory.

"The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday."

It wasn't much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto's mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.

"I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!"

Shikamaru's voice came through speakers. "I'll try and get it to you tonight."

"Don't try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!"

Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut. He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.

"What do you want?" He grunted.

Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.

"Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air."

Sai stepped forward. "Are you leaving the hotel? I have to alert securirty when you leave..."

Naruto shook his head. "I don't have time for that"

"But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about moving around-"

Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.

"If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or Amegakure's security protocol do against him? I'd have to protect you guys! You guys would be burdens to me. You are useless Sai, can't you see that?!"

I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn't something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.

"Ask me again if I think you've changed." I said to Naruto.

The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I've hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.

He wasn't alone. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks

After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.

"Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank."

He maqrched out of the room leaving me and Sai alone.

"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused. He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that.

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Jul 15:

"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I first approached him.

I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.

Unlike Tsunade and Lee, Naruto was a mellow drunk. A certain amount of liquor made him docile, it made him slower. Booze always seemed to curb his personality. However, it also made him less inclined to guard some of his more private thoughts.

"They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"

"It's something else" Naruto answered.

"Sai told me you apologized to him. He also said that you were brooding in your room."

Naruto had been sitting in a reclining chair on the balcony of his room when I entered. We were on the thirtieth floor so he was staring out into the horizon with a bottle of sake at his side.

"I do not brood Sakura. I am reflecting on my life."

"You are drunk."

"I reflect better when I am drunk."

"Well brooding, reflecting, I am here to cheer you up."

"You really shouldn't be here" he said.

I asked why not.

He looked me up and down in an exaggerated manner and said, "Because like you said I am drunk. And you might think you know what I need. But I know what I want."

He fell abruptly silent, as if he felt he had said too much. He turned away embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. That was-I don't know what that was."

I stepped deeper into the balcony. "That was you being drunk. It doesn't matter though I probably trust you more than anyone."

Naruto offered me a skeptical look. "Really, even after what happened in your office?"

"I am fairly sure I actively participated in that incident."

"I might drunkenly fondle you."

"Only if I let you."

Naruto's right eyebrow rose suggestively.

"No."

"It would cheer me up though."

"You are a married man Naruto. I am a married woman."

"Yeah we were married two days ago in your office and look how that turned out..."

I conceded his point as he sipped from the bottle.

He then sighed. "I'm sorry about the other day Sakura. I was projecting my own uselessness on someone else. Projecting is the right word right?"

I answered that though the usage was correct the context seemed questionable.

"I am failing as the Hokage Sakura," Naruto told me as if it were the most obvious news in the world.

"How can you possibly think that?"

He explained that when it was becoming clear that Naruto's time to be Hokage was fast approaching he asked Shikamaru to calculate the chances of a war breaking out during his tenure. Shikamaru came to him the next week with troubling news.

Naruto quoted Shikamaru's exact words to me very dramatically.

"These are all estimations of course. But based on the current political climate as long as you remain as strong as you are for the rest of your life there will be less than twenty percent chance of a war breaking out between the villages while you live. If you lost your power or died of natural causes in office there's a Fifty five percent chance there will be a war between at least two village within fifteen years of your death or loss of power. War will break out within one year if you are assassinated and Sasuke is still alive."

"Sasuke would probably not react to your assassination in a reasonable manner" I told Naruto.

Naruto snorted "A fine mess for my successor to clean up."

Naruto had asked Shikamaru to elaborate on the report. And his future councilor did. It seemed the fighting hadn't stopped because of any serious idealism forged by camaraderie discovered during the war. The reality was nothing at the moment had been worth fighting for to risk Naruto and Sasuke intervening. At best in a conflict between nations or villages Naruto and Sasuke could stop a fight and humiliate the combatants in front of the entire world. At worst if either Naruto or Sasuke picked a side during a conflict the other side faced the prospect of complete destruction. The scales would realign themselves when one of them died. With better odds they would take more risks.

"So I thought to myself I have to change the way people think about certain things. But I needed to do something without being the big stick hovering over everyone. Without being the weapon that Nagato left behind to keep people in check. I needed people to be open to change without me having to flex first."

Immediately after becoming Hokage, Naruto had Shikamaru began to work around the clock to come up with ways to further the international peace movement. However whenever Naruto presented some of his ideas to other Kages, the newer ones especially, the Daimyos, or other heads of state, they talked over him, they talked down to him, they talked through him. They talked to him about economics, history, geography, they had many legitimate reasons and many excuses to paint him as just an idealistic dreamer. A very strong dreamer though, worth meeting, worth respecting for his battle prowess, worth going to for protection if need be, but a dreamer nonetheless. So they did their best to keep information from him, to leave him confused and misinformed, they chuckled right in his face if he was caught lacking in knowledge of the current topic of discussion. In some instances he had found himself feeling as if he had been transported back to his "deadlast" days in the academy.

"To change a political climate you've got to be political right? I needed to think like them, I needed to be able to maneuver around words and people, to read between lines like them, I need to know what they knew. I worked hard at that for a long long time. I learned how to be a politician Sakura, and I used what I learned over the years to get this chunin exam."

"It's a tremendous achievement," I said.

"You would think that. Except that it's scared some people. Some of the kages don't trust me anymore. They think I have too much influence on the world stage. Sakura this whole time I thought I was working with them towards achieving the chunin exams. It turns out I had been fighting them, I fought with politics instead of my fist to get this. There's more tension now then there was when I got into office. All these years and I've made it worse."

He took another swig of sake.

"With the way things are now if I die tonight within fifteen years there is a better than fifty percent chance of a war breaking out. That means Boruto, Sarada, Himawari will have to fight, they'll have to watch their friends die. What is the point of anything I've ever done if I can't even keep our children out of war Sakura?!"

I asked Naruto if he thought he could stop wars forever. He didn't think so, but he had pledged to himself that he would at least minimize the possibility that his children would experience the horrors of war.

"I am the Hokage, I should be making a better future for the next generation."

I mentioned to him that I thought he had been changing the world by just being him. To me he had been changing the world before he even became Hokage. I told him how Sarada will look to her father and try to decipher what being a shinobi really means. She'll learn from him that a shinobi loves and protects her village and her family and she should never give up on them. When she comes to me for the same thing, I'll tell her that a shinobi tries to understand others, even her enemies. That compassion is not a weakness and love is a strength. Both of our answers will come from our personal experiences with the same man. Hopefully Sarada will pass this example on to her children, just like Boruto and Himawari will pass it on to their children. Ino's children, Shikamaru's children, Konohamaru's children hopefully they will all pass it down.

"That sounds like the Will of Fire" Naruto said.

I insisted that it was different. This was new. The First was only thinking about Konohagakure. If one percent of the people who felt Naruto's feelings during the war pass it on to their children and they pass it on to their own. one day then what it means to be a shinobi will be completely different than what Hashirama even imagined. And the world would be a better place for it.

"Hopefully" Naruto said. "Maybe you are giving me too much credit Sakura "

"No I don't think so Naruto. You are actually the coolest guy."

Naruto tried to suppress a smile, but he did not quite make it.

"Hey don't hide it from me, I like that smile."

He grinned. He then brought the half finished bottle of sake to his mouth but stopped himself and placed it back down on the ground beside him.

"Thank you."

"No, I should thank you for inviting me here. I really enjoyed working with medical ninjutsu again. Naruto I really do love being a medic."

"Give me a phone, I'll reinstate you as the lead medic in Konoha right now."

It made me really happy to know that Naruto believed in me so much. I said that to him. But I had to decline. Sarada needed me, I may be an ineffectual wife but I've devoted myself to being a great mother.

Naruto started to say something, but seemed to think better of it, "...I understand."

"I've made my choices and I'll stick to them."

Naruto looked at me, considering. "Sakura, are we going to have an affair?"

I was standing still and yet somehow I almost tripped over my own feet.

"Who said anything about an affair?!"

Naruto shrugged. "No one has said anything about an affair. There's just this thing going on between us."

"A thing?" I asked.

"A thing. And it keeps me up at night."

He paused.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

I draw in three deep breaths. Then I gave Naruto my opinion on our "thing."

"It was like you explained at dinner. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around when we were younger. It could be happening again. I had been feeling really lonely lately and Naruto had been feeling very stressed. The circumstances we found ourselves in, created fantasies in our minds. Fantasies that we might be able to turn the clock back, return to a time when we were young and fresh and innocent and we only had our dreams. When we feel any sort of distance between ourselves and our spouses we build intimate connections with people whom we believe we might be able to relive our lives, it's an impossible but attractive dream."

Naruto stared at me his reddened eyes wide. "Wow, you've given this a lot of thought."

"I-I've been thinking things through since the scene in my office. I don't want to make a mistake based on poor judgment and wishful thinking." I said.

"So if we were in love, right now, it wouldn't be a mistake?"

"It would still be a mistake" I pointed out. "We would simply have a better excuse for making a mistake than we do now."

"You are smart Sakura you should have been Hokage."

Naruto looked me over again. This time without the exaggerated lust that was meant to scare me off. When he spoke again his voice had changed, it was kind and generous and cheerful, like the Naruto of old.

"You know the truth is, it would have never worked out between us. You would have been mean to me all the time."

I smiled. "You would annoy me all the time."

"I bet you snore Sakura."

"I do not snore!"

"Not only do you snore you hog all the blankets."

"I bet you eat in bed and leave crumbs all over the place," I countered.

"You don't even know how to cook ramen do you?"

"You don't know how to eat anything besides ramen do you?"

"It's obvious Sakura, you and I were not meant to be."

Naruto smiled. The slightest kindest smile. He looked at me the same way he had looked at me while standing on my doorstep in Konohagakure months ago. I knew then that I was in love with Naruto. I was on the verge of my own emotional breakdown. But the moment wasn't about me, It was about Naruto. We chatted and laughed some more our conversation colored meticulously in between platonic lines. Eventually he began dropping hints that I should leave. I suspected he had some more "reflecting" to do so I dragged the conversation until he announced that he intended to go to bed. I didn't believe him but I couldn't babysit him.

Before I left I said to him that he really had no need to redefine himself to be a good Hokage. If anything he should redefine what it means to be a good Hokage. He nodded to me in silent acknowledgment of the statement. I do not know if my words had any impact on him or if he simply just wanted me leave. I left reluctantly and I retreated back to my room where I granted myself the opportunity to shatter properly.

I had told Naruto the truth when I said that he had caught me at a bad time right before I kissed him. I had been indeed, at that moment, vulnerable to his presence. But as history has proven its when I am at my most vulnerable that my relationship with Naruto clarifies itself. I can admit it to myself now I kissed him because I love my stupid Hokage. As much as it sounds like the plot of a trashy novel I am a woman, mother, wife, who is in love with her boss. I didn't tell Naruto this because he would want to know how, and why now? After all these years, after all that has happened. What could I say really? Could I really tell him it's because of the way he looked at me. Naruto probably doesn't even know he does it.

I am reminded now of cryptic remarks uttered to me by Tsunade randomly for years when in her most inebriated states

"Naruto still looks at you like you're a woman."

She would ay this to me and I would simply nod my head at her. How else was Naruto supposed to look at me? I was a woman after all. I didn't get it, I had stopped paying attention long ago. Then he invited me to be part of the chunin exams. Naruto stood at my door and his warm eyes washed over me. He didn't just simply see me as a woman like Tsunade had said. I was a mother, I was a trusted friend, I was someone who had talent, who had skill, someone who he admired, someone beautiful and sexy, someone who was worth being looked at with love by someone like him.

That wasn't the first time he had looked at me that way. I can remember now bits and pieces, moments in time, the look had been there. It had always been there. I kissed Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, my Hokage, a married man I now love, six months ago, and fifteen years too late.

After the war I had concluded his feelings for me were rooted in his rivalry with Sasuke, that made more sense to me at the time than anything else. And it made things much easier. No would get hurt if that were the truth. So for years this was our truth. Naruto was happy with Hinata and I was happy with Sasuke, everyone got what they wanted.

So what right did I have to love Naruto now?

In years these kisses will be harmless kisses between friends. This will again be our truth and it will become the truth. Naruto will continue to be happy with his family, and I will be happy with my family.

Everyone will be happy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Of all the emotions that swelled beneath him anger was the first to break through. In a fury Naruto slammed Sakura's journal on the coffee table. He then sat back on the couch and waited for his rage to settle. Whom was he mad at? Himself, Sakura, the universe?

Love he had always known was a powerful individual driving force. But was a person driven by that force obligated to respect the personal force driving another? This is what Naruto had considered in a far less sophisticated manner years ago when he had first seen signs of Sasuke reciprocating Sakura's affection. Sakura was in love. Naruto was in love too. There was an obvious conflict. When Naruto considered Sakura's love. When he considered how it had remained intact through various trials and tribulations. When he considered how much she was willing to sacrifice for Sasuke. He didn't think he could win, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to win. Why cut Sasuke from a potential source of happiness? Truth be told he admired the depth of Sakura's feelings. In many ways he could have related. So for the first time in his life Naruto conceded defeat without trying his best.

When Sasuke had gone on the first of his many journeys Sakura measured their friendship for any sign of hard feelings. Naruto downplayed his intentions and she was left with her assumptions. He didn't fight her on it. It didn't matter whether they, her assumptions, were true or not. The results would be the same. Perception became reality and he opened his heart to alternatives.

Naruto sighed as he lifted himself off the couch

An alternative had presented itself. And he fell in love again. No, it had been a different feeling with Hinata, he didn't fall, he accepted love. He wanted to protect and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her. It seemed inevitable. He thought it was mature, a mature love that would carry him through the rest of his life. He made a home with Hinata. They had established a future.

As Naruto headed to the bathroom memories of his visit to the Uchiha household floated to his mind. Even before the kiss when they were just talking about the chunin exam the familiarity had been there. But he was being disingenuous. Familiarity wasn't the right word to use. It was chemistry. The conversation had been like a dance, he dipped, she dipped, they matched each other's stride, it was fun. He gone over to give her a briefing of sorts, a mission with objectives and it was fun. When it was over he hadn't wanted to leave. He couldn't stay so he just took a moment to look at her. She noticed his look, closed her eyes, lifted her head and their lips collided.

In hindsight there had been other moments like that in the past. Of course none of them had ended with a kiss but the atmosphere had been similar. Brief moments during birthday parties, village festivals, and the occasional double date. A glance here, an affectionate touch there, the occasional playful conversation, a smile seen from the corner of his eyes. Platonic moments of course since they were old friends.

Naruto turned the tap in the bathroom sink and allowed the cold water to pool in his hands. He splashed the water across his face and the bracing cold shocked his system.

He had reset. Now it was time to decide what kind of a man Uzumaki Naruto was.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sakura was disheveled in appearance and emotion when she entered Naruto's room later that evening. She noted immediately that he appeared to be in no better shape at least in his outward appearance. Any sleep he had gotten had not been a restful one. But at least he wasn't wet.

"You were out in that rain?" Naruto asked.

"Yep. It's cats and dogs out there" she replied. The downpour had hit her out of the blue. Within minutes, she was soaked through. Now water dripped from her hair onto the hotel room's carpet.

"Out for a walk?" He asked.

"Trying to clear my head. Should have brought an umbrella."

The chunin exams had not been easy on either of them. But it was almost over. When they got home in a few days, when they were around the safety net of their friends and family things would go back to normal.

Naruto had been standing near the glass doors that led out into the balconly. When she started to move deeper into the living room Naruto stopped her by putting his hand up.

"I am sorry" He stated.

She stared at him quizzically"For what?"

Naruto pointed to the notebook that lay on the coffee table.

"I stole your journal from your room. I read it."

She charged.

Naruto slipped away from her blow in a blast of chakra.

Now standing a few feet away from her he said, "As sorry as I am and I am truly sorry. I can't let you kill me Sakura."

She turned to him her fists clenching. "It'll be okay as long as I restart your heart within four to six minutes.."

Naruto scratched at his cheek. "Let's talk about this reasonably."

"Reasonably? You ass!You broke into my room and stole my journal!"

"Okay there's nothing reasonable about what I did. But still let's talk."

She turned away from him and walked towards the balcony. She drew in three quick breaths while watchig sporadic raindrops collect on the glass doors.

"Sakura...I needed to know."

"Well now you know. And it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. What was the point?"

"I had to know" Naruto repeated.

She turned to him. "And?"

"And I fell for you again, no maybe I never stopped loving you I don't know. Maybe you are right, maybe its was triggered by stress or some other psychological thing whatever. All I know is it's real, my feelings are real."

"And what good do all these revelations do for us?" Sakura asked with her eyes misting over.

"With everything out in the open we can now proceed accordingly."

Naruto straightened his posture and drew in a massive breath.

"Sakura it's very simple we are going to ignore it all. Live our lives as if none of this ever happened"

"It's that easy?" Sakura asked.

"I never said it would be easy Sakura I said it's simple. The answer to this problem is a simple one, living it out is hard. In time it'll just fade away like a hard to remember dream."

"Poetic" Sakura smiled. "You know I used to believe that feelings couldn't change."

"Sakura even if it's true that feelings can't change, the fact is they can be ignored. "

The Seventh walked over to the coffee table and picked up the notebook. He took a few steps towards Sakura and extended the journal out to her.

"Sakura the path I've walked has given me Boruto and Himawari. If I were sent back and given the choice I'd walk down the same path again. I'm sure you feel the same way about Sarada."

"Absolutely." Sakura took notebook from him, and in the exchange she perceived the wisdom of Naruto's words. Though there was a slight coldness in them. An accurate if not harsh assessment of their reality. Clutching her journal in her hands she understood that Naruto was right, her options were crystal clear. Love or loss, similar words, four letters, one syllable each.

"You know I think I was scared" Naruto said.

"Scared?"

"I knew how you felt about Sasuke. But I could have confessed anyway just for the closure if nothing else. But it's easier not to knock than to have the door close on your face."

"You were scared? You mister defier of impossible odds, the legendary Stubborn Fox of Konohakagure?"

Naruto shook his head, "I never liked that nickname. Yeah I guess I was scared but I knew it would work out for the best and it has."

"What would you have said to me?" Sakura inquired.

Confusion masked Naruto's face.

"If you had back then, if you had a chance to tell me how you felt, what would you have said?"

Naruto turned away and chuckled. "I wrote it down you know...back then, I had it all down. I used to practice in front of a mirror. Then I throw it out."

"Do you remember any of it?"

"I don't understand..."

"I think this will help." Sakura said. "It's closure..."

"Closure?"

"Trust me."

After a moment of contemplation or hesitation Naruto began "I would have said-I would have said that Sakura I spent a lot of time trying to read your mind. I can't read it but I still try all the time. I think I know what would make you happy. But I can''t really know. Can you really know everything about someone else? Probably not. You Sakura, you don't know much I want to love you..But I know how much I love you. I know that if were together I would get on your nerves, and we would fight a lot. And I can't be the type of cool guy that you want. But I know that I can love you constantly with everything I have. Because I want too. I know I am selfish and I am greedy, because I want to be the one to make you happy, I want to wipe away your tears, I want be the one to make you smile."

Naruto paused, interrupted seemingly by a sudden memory. He then sighed "And that's what I would have said to you."

"What do you think I would-How would I have answered your confession?"

"I expected you to say 'thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke.'"

Sakura drew in a deep breath and looked Naruto in the eyes. "Thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke."

Naruto studied her but said nothing.

"Naruto am I telling the truth? Can you tell? Do you believe me?"

"I don't" he said, his voice slightly cracked.

With her heart beating with a rapidness that frightened her. Sakura deftly slipped her wedding ring off her finger and placed it down on the coffee table. She looked back at Naruto.

"I'll face the rain. For a touch of the sun" Her voice quivered with such vulnerability, that it made Naruto ache. Looking carefully he could see the resolve and passion of her stubborn nature burning behind her eyes.

"Ah" he sighed. "I remember why I love you."

Naruto lifted his hand and glanced at his fingers. He slid the ring from his finger, walked stiffly over to the coffee table, and put his ring down next to Sakura's. He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her once, briefly, before he put one hand behind her neck and the other at the small of her back, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Sakura reached over, running a hand from his arm to his chest then down to rest on his waist line.

With no desk in the hotel room, Naruto reasoned he would have to make do with a bed. Walking her backwards he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled out of the living room running into furniture and almost tripping over each others feet multiple times in their frenzied need to cling to each other. Locked in a ceaseless kiss they bounced against the walls of the hall leading to his bedroom until they pushed through the door.

They finally broke apart when they were mere steps away from his bed.

"We're here" Naruto laughed.

"Almost didn't make it" Sakura laughed back.

Naruto reached to her and started slowing unbuttoning her clothes. Anxious she licked her lips as her dress began to slip from her shoulders. When he reached the last button he whispered her name. A question not a statement, an opportunity for her to pull back and retreat.

She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers. So the dress fell to the floor leaving her in her boots bra and panties. Naruto picked her up as if she were light as a feather and laid her down on his bed. With one hand he removed her bra. His tongue moved down her torso before he slipped off her panties and finally her boots. Sakura stretched out in his bed completely naked and Naruto straightened to take the sight in. She took pleasure in the fact that he liked what he saw. It was her turn now so she reached up and undressed him kissing every inch that was uncovered

When he was fully nude she kissed his chest and dropped lower pausing briefly at his nipple then inching closer to his belly. When her tongue caressed the tip of him his whole body grew rigid.

"Sakura" he said. Not really knowing why. Was he trying to stop her? Was he encouraging her. He didn't know, his brain wasn't functioning properly.

She took him in her mouth. As deep as she could before sucking hard all the way back to the tip.

"Okay" Naruto heard himself mutter. He rested his hands on her head. This time for sure to encourage her. He ran his fingers through her hair as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft.

"Slow down Sakura" he warned after a few more blissful moments.

She either didn't hear him or she didn't care. She began humming so her lips vibrated as she worked her way down the shaft to the groin and his eyes started to lose focus.

"Sakura I am going..."

Sakura pulled up. "It's alright I want you to.."

She went back down to take him in again but this time he pulled away almost falling completely off the bed.

"No, no, not yet." he said to her.

He kissed her and let his hands cup her breasts. He kneaded her gently as he maneuvered her down onto her back. Then he nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He bent down and his tongue parted her lips. She arched towards him. He braced his hand on her thighs and held her steady as long deep thorough licks aross her hypersensitive nub set her on her fire. His pride swelled when she began to babble gibberish at him. Nonsensical phrases and wordless moans with his name interposed between them filled his ear when his tongue circled her. In time she strained upwards with her fist clenching his hair and her head thrown back. When her legs wrapped tightly around his head and her body quaked he knew he had her.

Naruto pulled up over Sakura and he rained he kisses down on her face as she caught her breath. He then kissed around her breasts the left and the right, each nipple hardened the moment his tongue slipped over it. Abruptly she reached down and grabbed him by the back of his head

"Okay it's been fifteen years of foreplay Naruto. I want to feel you" She growled.

He grinned. "

When he entered her she was soaking wet. He pulled out almost all the way and returned with one great thrust. At first he wanted to tease her a bit but when he was sheathed completely in her slickness he felt the overwhelming sensation that this was where he belonged. He closed his eyes and the weight of the world seemed to lift right off his shoulders. Years of weariness melted away from his body. He felt a soft hand caress his cheek and he opened his eyes.

Sakura looked up at him. "Hey, let me in."

He smiled as their gazes locked. Naruto moved in and out in a slow steady rhythm. Deeper, harder. inch by heated inch he buried himself inside her. She squeezed him using her inside muscles to pull on him. He shuddered feeling the fire build. He shook it off willing himself to maintain control. He took her shoulder in his mouth gently grazing it with his teeth and sucking on it until she gasped out loud.

He felt her body tighten and relax against him. She was tipping over the edge losing herself. He smiled knowing for sure that he had her again. But then she wrapped her legs around him bringing him impossible closer, and she kissed along his chest and neck

He lost it

His steady rhythm collapsed into a frantic frenzied pace. He sent her over the edge but he followed right after. Naruto shuddered violently as he came inside her.

When he could think again Naruto dropped his sweaty forehead down to hers. "Sakura"

"Yeah?" She said riding her own wave.

"That's two to one."

"I see."

Sakura braced her elbow onto the bed and placed her open palm against his chest. She pushed while simultaneously sliding out from beneath him. Suddenly Naruto found himself flipped onto his back.

Sakura straddled his body. She took a hold of him in her hand and within a few gentle strokes he was hard again.

"All I know is I'm going to put you to sleep"

She guided him into her. Then she plunged downward fully impaling herself onto him. Sakura contracted her muscles around him. Then she moved her hips once testing. Naruto's eyes squeezed shut and his fingers dug into the skin of her buttocks. She braced her hands on her knees and lifted her pelvis, then dropped it back down again slowly, rising and falling.

Increasing the intensity she braced her hand on his shoulders and increased her pace. She positioned herself in a way that Naruto could more effectively rub against her. Pleasure slammed against her as she rode him with fast movements of her hips. Naruto threw his head back on the pillow his face twisted in pleasure and it only encouraged her further.

She tooks his hands and leaned back creating new friction at a new angle. Naruto was sweating profusely now desperately tried to regain control before he lost it completely. He had to make her go first. He locked his hand on her waist as his body leapt beneath her. His body bridged upward violently, Sakura wrapped her legs tightly around his buttocks, grabbed his shoulders and held on, riding him furiously. Naruto's body buckled. If he was going to go he wouldn't go alone. He used every ounce of willpower he had to latch on to her body and he thrust upwards relentlessly. Sakura dug her nails into his back as she emitted a silent scream and she abandoned herself to a series of continuous explosions. As her body rocked against his Naruto erupted into her and fell back onto the bed climaxing with a deep guttural moan.

He almost gave himself over to the light. But he thought to himself that the night was still young, He wasn't one to give up that easy. He shook the fog from his head when he felt Sakura nibbling at his ear.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto woke several hours later.

In fact when he woke up he woke all at once with his eyes popping open and him being keenly aware of his environment. He felt more refreshed and alive than he had in some time. It was the complete opposite of the hangover fueled morning the day before.

"I told you I'd put you to sleep" Sakura said.

Naruto turned his head and looked at her. Sakura sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She appeared to be wide awake.

"More like you were trying to give me a heart attack."

She grinned. "I would have revived you."

"Did you sleep at all?' He asked.

"I woke up a few minutes before you did. Don't worry I slept like a baby as well. You did real goooood Naruto."

He laughed. "That's good to know."

She turned away and drew in a deep breath. "We should probably talk about...everything."

"We should," he replied.

Sakura began to speak. "Around Sarada's fourth birthday Sasuke came home and it was an usually extended stay. He brought her a ton of books and read to her every night for four consecutive months. This was their father-daughter time together and I rarely intruded. By the time he left again he had gone through all the books. She enjoyed them all but there was one that was their personal favorite. Sarada always requested it by name, and after reading it Sasuke always came out of her room with reddened eyes. I thought it was sweet."

Sakura paused. "When Sasuke left Sarada asked me to read her the book. The book was about sailor who left all the people he cared about because he was called by the sea. The sailor had a song that...Well there ws a verse then went um-"

She sang.

"I'm leavin' my famly, leavin' all my friends. My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind."

Sakura sniffed before continuing. "So please call my missus. Gotta tell her not to cry 'Cause my goodbye is written...By the moon in the sky."

Sakura paused once again. "I almost wept in front of Sarada, I would have hated myself if I had. I've never let her see me cry. I finished the book, tucked her in, went to my room and cried into my pillow. It might have started then because the next morning things felt different. Sarada she adores her father as she should. I know why he does it and I pray for his safety every night"

Swiping her her hand against her eyes Sakura continued. "One day, a few years ago, I woke up, I had breakfast, I took Sarada to to school and I was walking home I realized that it didn't hurt anymore. Well not like it used."

She turned to Naruto and tapped her heart before tapping her forehead. "You might have noticed that it takes a long time before the news can get from point A to Point B"

Naruto grasped Sakura's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her palm as he stared at the ceiling. It seemed to him now that he had always been a selfish man. He was lucky in the fact that many of the things he had most desired in the world had created positive outcomes when he satisfied those desires. He wanted to save Sasuke, he wanted to be Hokage, he wanted a sustained period of peace.

"Do you still..." Sakura said.

Naruto blinked. "If I was dying of thirst Hinata would cry so I could drink her tears. She made me feel loved in a way I had never felt before. It was powerful."

"What do you feel now?"

"Loved, and scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah but in a good way like a roller coaster."

Sakura sighed. "Are you comparing me to a roller coaster?"

"I told you before you're kind of scary Sakura-chan."

She closed her eyes as twin streaks of tears slipped from beneath the closed eyelids.

He continued. "I think love is supposed to be kind of scary."

Sakura smiled as she wiped at her eyelids.

"Don't smile like that. I might fall for you more."

"Is that even possible." She asked.

"I don't want to risk it do you?"

Sakura gave his hand a little squeeze before interlocking their fingers.

"Hinata is my wife and I've got nothing but good things to say about her. But my relationship with her, it's not you and me."

Naruto pulled Sakura down to him and wrapped his arms around her. Sakura placed her head against his chest.

"We can't be together you know. It'll hurt t0o many people" Sakura said.

Naruto said nothing as he placed his hand against the back of Sakura's head. His mind was desperately searching for solutions and remedies to these rising issues. Nothing he had thought so far was anywhere near satisfactory. Everything ended with pain and heartache.

"But you're the Hokage. If you send for me I'll have to come."

Naruto remained silent.

"You heartbeat sounds like a melody" he heard Sakura sigh before falling asleep again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto met Sai at the door.

"You are finally awake."

"Not feeling so hot so I decided to stay in bed."

"Will you be able to make it to the final summit meeting this evening?"

"Of course"

"Good, I've gotten a message from the Kazekage. He's been asking around and it seems that the Kage are set to approve your revised proposals."

"Oh."

Sai studied Naruto's face.

"I thought you would be happy. You are getting what you wanted right?"

"At a price, some feathers were ruffled."

Sai shrugged. "Well what will be, will be, as some people may say. Let us enjoy the moment because for now the world is in theory a more peaceful happier place."

Naruto nodded. "Yes you are right Sai."

Sai smiled. "May I come in?"

"No" Naruto said. "I am going back to bed."

Sai glanced over Naruto's head beyond the crack in the door into the room. "Well have you seen Sakura? I didn't see her go back to her room after she went into yours."

Naruto looked his friend in the eyes and with composure befitting of a Hoakge he asked, "Did you check the medical labs? She mentioned something about a night shift to me last night."

"I see."

"You must have missed her when she left." Naruto said. The realization that he had forgotten he had asked Sai to call Sakura up to his room caused his stomach to flip.

But in contrast to his troubled insides on the surface Naruto was cool and collected.

Sai frowned. "That's a bad thing for me to miss. Someone coming out of the Hokage's room. You should have me replaced for my uselessness Hokage-sama."

Naruto caught himself before he flinched. "No Sai...I didn't mean..."

Sai grinned. "I am teasing you Naruto. I am positive I didn't miss her because she spent the night in your room. But don't worry I am the only one who knows and the good thing about no longer being in ROOT, I get to personally choose what secrets are worth keeping to myself."

Naruto shook his head. "You don't have to hold these kind of secrets for me Sai."

Sai considered this. "There is a village far in the east where not telling secrets is an act of respect. These people feel that revealing painful secrets isn't a sign of intimacy, it's an act of aggression. You tell secrets not for the good of another but to make yourself feel better. To absolve yourself of your burdens. It's an interesting concept though bizarre to us."

"It is bizarre" Naruto agreed.

"Yes it is but its still interesting. Anyway if you want me to judge you I will. But since you two are my friends I will just hope for your happiness. "

With that said Sai excused himself. Naruto waited for a moment before closing the door. Already he was spinning a web of lies to cover himself.

As he walked back to his bedroom the thoughts of all the things he and Sakura had been putting at risk weighed him down with each step. The seeming loss of their family's love, the loss of respect of their friends and colleagues, all of it terrified him. How could anything good be built on the foundation of so much potential destruction? Naruto stepped into his bedroom feeling a spasm of anxiety. He felt out of place as if he walked into an alternate world. Any happiness he found in this room ran contrary to the world he had built outside these walls. This was something separate from his actual life, something that conflicted with what his life was supposed to be.

He looked towards his bed. Sunlight drifted in through the transparent curtains and washed over Sakura's sleeping form. Naruto watched her sleep for a moment. She had most of his sheets wrapped completely around her. He chuckled to himself, she really did hog the blankets. One of her hands reached across the empty side of the bed as if she were searching for him. Moving swiftly Naruto slid beneath the covers beside her. As if aware of his presence, Sakura cuddled against his side her fingers splayed over his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She smiled a brilliant smile.

Naruto covered her hand with his and pressed her palm against his chest so could feel the steady beat of his heart. He inhaled her scent as a shaft of light from the window warmed his face. He closed his eyes, in time his breathing matched hers and a gentle peace settled over him.

His mind cleared and he felt convinced that this was real and it was meant to be. Even if in the end it would turn "meant to be" for this one moment only.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope you liked it let me know if you did. If you have any questions about the changes I've made feel free to ask, I may have an answer. The original story before any revisions will be found in the next chapter.

The song lyrics from Sarada's book is from Shiver me Timbers by Tom Waits

P.S NaruSaku 4 life

#NaruSaku #narusaku fanfiction #narusaku fanfic #long post #really long post

[theevilfoodeaterconchita]

Sorbet-Plateau Sherbet; Scene 3

Evil Food Eater Conchita, page 144-152

The "Association" secretly existed in nearly every land in Evillious, and each of the branch heads in it were all called by the name "Bruno".

Their job was to assist people in underside professions, like Platonic. They would refer talented people to their jobs, and provide information about their target--naturally, they required a considerable fee for it all.

Platonic had great pride in her skills as a burglar. That was why, excepting times when she had to make a getaway, she didn't use the "Association" much. That was because asking them for assistance meant decreasing her compensation for her work.

Only, the amount that AB-CIR had paid her this time was higher than the fee for any job that Platonic had done before. Perhaps his financial standing had improved because he had started working in Castle Hedgehog in Lioness lately. However, the fact that her pay was so much also meant that this job was going to be a difficult one.

Platonic slipping up in the Demilamb mansion was because she'd been careless in her information gathering. He wouldn't forgive another mistake. The "Association" took a high price, but she couldn't deny they provided a good service in exchange.

"Is this your first time in the Conchita territory?"

Bruno sat with his legs apart in a wooden chair opposite Platonic.

"Yeah."

"Well then first I'll explain the situation here. Did you have any trouble getting this far?"

"I did. Feels like they're paying extra attention to people getting entry into this territory."

Even though it was a land quite close to the capital, the Conchita territory did not adjoin any other countries, and was not politically very important at all.

If she had to come up with something, there was the walled city to the northwest, but that was a relic of the days long since passed when Beelzenia was still warring with the great Tasan Empire of the west. Nowadays it was little more than an ordinary town, with no demand for it as a fortress.

Platonic didn't really get why they had such stringent restrictions on entry.

"It's by decree of Empress Juno. She's afraid of it getting out that there's something bizarre going on here," Bruno explained.

"Something bizarre?"

"It's Banica Conchita. She's the female lord here, and lately she's begun to take some very strange actions."

The only thing Platonic knew about Conchita was that she'd contributed to Beelzenia's food culture, and become lord by her achievements.

According to Bruno, two years after she became the lord here, she had suddenly fallen ill.

"At first people were saying that her life was in jeopardy, but then somehow she bounced back. It was after that that it happened--that Conchita started to go funny."

The first time Conchita showed herself in public since her recovery was at a banquet being held in the estate of Duke Oruhari, the lord of the Grabia territory.

"Up until that point she'd been known as an extremely fat woman, but they say that when she arrived at the banquet she was thin--a strong change from how she'd been before."

"Maybe she wasted away from her illness?"

In response to Platonic's guess Bruno continued speaking, seeming not to fully agree despite giving an inclination of his head. "Maybe. But that's not the important thing. After the meal at the banquet, Conchita began to eat something else that she'd brought along with her. Everyone who saw it went into an uproar."

"What in the world was this Conchita eating?"

Bruno paused for a moment, clamming up, before he replied with a grim expression, "…Bugs. Live ones."

"Eugh, gross."

The only people she could imagine eating bugs were poor people on the brink of starvation and witches who lived out in the middle of nowhere.

Though come to think of it, the Conchita mansion is set on a mountain far from town…nah.

Platonic pushed away the fantasy that had started to come up in her head.

"Isn't it absurd for a noble to be eating something like that in public?"

"Exactly. Banica's not been invited to any more parties since that banquet."

"That's only natural."

"After that, Banica hired a man into her mansion. He was an oriental chef who knew how to make unorthodox meals. So he created dishes using bizarre creatures the likes of which no one had ever seen, and then every day Banica would eat them.

"What kind of dishes in parti--" Immediately after Platonic started to broach the question, she hurriedly took it back. "No, nevermind. You probably shouldn't tell me."

"That's wise. The day I heard what the menu was, I lost my appetite for the entire day. Eventually Conchita was no longer able to be satisfied with it, and proceeded to start eating even more impossible things."

"…A summary. Just tell me a summary."

"Let's say, there exist varieties of mushrooms that you should never eat. Platonic, have you ever eaten mellalga mushrooms?"

"Of course not."

The mellalga mushroom was something said to be representative of all poisonous mushrooms, which once you ate it would make your whole body grow swollen and red as though you were being burned.

"But Conchita did. And it's not just plants. There are animals that are poisonous too, and she's been regularly eating them without excising the poison. But she hasn't died or even become bedridden."

Platonic's impression of the state of affairs was gradually getting more horrific.

Eating bugs, devouring poison--maybe Conchita really was a witch.

"Even the oriental chef known for being a weirdo was rightly disgusted by his employer's abnormal dietary needs and fled the mansion, apparently. After that Conchita's hired on other chefs in succession, but there's no one who stays there long. Her gruesome tastes are escalating, to the point where now she'll apparently even use tachinid flies, vomit, and excre--"

"That's enough. I'm gonna puke."  

"If you do you should wrap it up and take it to the Conchita mansion. She'll probably buy it from you."

Bruno spoke with a joking tone, but Platonic didn't laugh.

"Cut it out--At any rate, I get now that Conchita's a freak. It'd be pretty inconvenient for the empress if word got out that one of her 'Five Dukes' was like that."

"The Conchita family was pushed out of their position as lords for another incident in the past as well."

"Then she should make Conchita quit immediately."

"Only three years have passed since she became lord, and furthermore it was Empress Juno herself who appointed her as such. If she keeps repeatedly replacing her lords people will start to question her judgment…Well, that's probably the gist of it, I'd think."

Even the association couldn't claim to clearly understand the thinking of a country's central figure, it seemed.

"Right now Conchita's repulsive eating habits are well known amongst her people. They've come to avoid ever going near her mansion. Because you can always smell the stink of something rotting in its vicinity. When you break into the mansion I would advise wearing a mask."

"--Well, even if the owner is a creep that doesn't have any relation to my job. All I'm doing is stealing that wineglass from her, you know."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Conchita is a woman who can eat poison and still remain healthy. She might actually be a monster."

It was possible Bruno was still joking when he said that, but perhaps he was also half-serious. Despite the relaxed nature of his expression he wasn't smiling in the least.

"Oh gosh, I'm shaking." Platonic clutched at her shoulders as though she was frightened, but she wasn't really all that scared at all. On the contrary, she figured that even if this Conchita wasn't a normal person, it wouldn't have any impact on her work. "But let's just talk about what I need to find. I'm not some hero out to go vanquish a monster."

"If only. All of the burglars hired by AB-CIR to slip into the mansion until now have gone missing. Hopefully they weren't eaten by the lady of the land in there."

Platonic's frowned at Bruno's words.

"--What? This is the first I'm hearing of it."

"Hm? Hearing of what?"

"That AB-CIR's tasked other burglars with this before me."

For Platonic, the sorcerer AB-CIR who was her current client was an old friend. He had originally been a patron of Platonic's mentor, but when that mentor died Platonic had started getting contracted to do his requests.

After several jobs had gone by Platonic had thought that they had built up a mutually trusting relationship, but it seemed that was a miscalculation on her part.

"That jerk didn't say one word to me--if he wasn't so handsome I'd clock him one."

"Ha ha ha. What a disaster for you."

Platonic sternly glared at Bruno as he laughed loudly. He held up his hands before his chest as though to pacify her.

"Now now--Although, if you really are the best thief in Evillious, you'll manage somehow won't you? It is because AB-CIR values your skills that he entrusted you with this."

"…Fine, I'll give it a shot. Tell me the layout of the mansion and how many people are in it!"

Platonic put her hand on the table and brought her face so close to Bruno's that she could feel his breath.

<<prev------directory------next>>

[marginalgloss]

the light of day

‘…The only real social advantages are those that create life, that can disappear without the person who has benefitted by them needing to try to cling on to them or to make them public, because on the same day a hundred others will take their place. Remember as she might the words of the Queen, Mme de Villeparisis would have bartered them gladly for the permanent capacity for being invited everywhere which Mme Leroi possessed, just as, in a restaurant, a great but unknown artist whose genius is written neither in the lines of his shy face nor in the antiquated cut of his threadbare coat, would willingly trade places with the young stock-jobber from the lowest ranks of society, who is sitting with a couple of actresses at a neighbouring table to which in an obsequious and incessant chain come hurrying owner, manager, waiters, bell-hops and even the scullions who file out of the kitchen to salute him, as in the fairy-tales, while the wine waiter advances, as dust-covered as the bottles, limping and dazed as if, on his way up from the cellar, he had twisted his foot before emerging into the light of day…’

I noted some time ago that the second volume of In Search of Lost Time took me a while to finish. The third, The Guermantes Way, seems to have taken me even longer, though in truth I would find it hard to say for certain whether that’s really the case. In recent months I’ve found myself falling out of the habit of obsessively noting the start and end dates of my reading (via goodreads) and though I still write about every book I finish, I have neglected any kind of accurate online record of my current reading. 

Perhaps my heart was never really in that aspect after all. I like recording my thoughts after a fashion but the comparative aspect doesn’t appeal. I find I am like this with other things as well: I like to keep information, but I never know how to organise my life around it. I track my credit card and bank account spending with devotion but I’m not sure I spend less money as a result. 

This is a roundabout way of saying that I’m not usually interested in debating about books with other people. But I’d be lying if I said the urge doesn’t sometimes come upon me. I saw a colleague with A Little Life tucked under her arm going into the lift earlier today and all kinds of half-remembered thoughts about that big, weird, frustrating book swirled through my head; but of course I could never say anything. It was nice to know that I’d captured some of those feelings at the time, even if I’m reluctant to ever refer back to them. I sometimes think: I would like to talk about these feelings, even if I don’t want to argue about them. 

The Guermantes Way is built around something of this same tension. The shape of the book so often puts the individual, the narrator, against various awkward crowds. He is old enough now to enter society, and in his case society means an ever-changing impressionistic backdrop of faded French aristocracy. The question of what he ought to be doing there only resolves itself in terms of whether he should speak up or be silent, and for the most part he is silent; he listens, and for the most part is overlooked entirely. The result is frequently fascinating, but it is also the noisiest, and sometimes the most interminable, of the series so far.

That it is frequently boring (there is no other word) is exactly the point. The narrator will only say this in the most roundabout way possible, but the people for whom he is supposed to nurture an admiration turn out to be dullards. Their shallow preoccupation with heritage is a constant example: whereas the narrator is content to expound for pages on the potency of a few words or a single name, these people will reel off lists of names and places and dates like it was nothing at all, and demand credit for the weight of the words alone. 

Another example: the notorious Dreyfus affair is mentioned throughout, being the chief topic of contemporary controversy. But for the narrator the details of the case are less significant than the way in which it becomes a social battleground for the people around him. While he expresses a certain amount of distate at the explicit anti-semitism, it is hard to imagine the narrator becoming especially animated about anything or anyone in a social situation. On the page — writing for the reader, with the benefit of recollection — he is effusive and fulsome. In person he is entirely unassuming, and easily overlooked. 

Perhaps this novel is an attempt to link those two worlds: the world of individual felt sensation, the feelings of a mind alone and adrift, noticing things, as anyone does, and which contains those moments of startling beauty so frequent in Proust’s writing; and what is commonly called the real world, where all of that is put away and where humans talk and belong together as social creatures, and where those beautiful moments either hang on the air forever as soon as they are put into words memorable and fine, or where they shrivel up and vanish on the breeze. 

For the most part I think The Guermantes Way shows the gap between these worlds can never quite be bridged. But there are exceptions, most frequently where the narrator is alone with one or two other persons. The early sequences with Sainte-Loup are charming for the wide-eyed love and esteem, largely unrequited, with which he regards his friend. Later, Albertine appears again, a strange refugee from the previous novel in a few short scenes, where the narrator’s desires as a young man become much more apparent than they were before. 

And then there is, near the end of the book, a long and fairly bizarre confrontation with M. de Charlus. Earlier in the book, this older and somewhat decadent gentleman effectively propositions the narrator into a relationship — taking him for a sort of up-and-coming ingenue, Charlus seems to want him for a lover, or an apprentice, or both. But over the course of a few hundred pages the narrator effectively ignores his offer, thinking it the best way of evading any responsibility. We think no more of it until he visits Charlus later, and the older man explodes:

‘“…I think you do yourself an injustice when you accuse yourself of having said that we were friends. I do not look for any great verbal accuracy in one who could all too easily mistake a piece of Chippendale for a rococo chair, but I really do not believe,” he went on, with vocal caresses that grew more and more sardonically winning until a charming smile began to play about his lips, “I do not believe that you can ever have said, or thought, that we were friends! As for your having boasted that you had been presented to me, had talked to me, knew me slightly, had obtained, almost without solicitation, the prospect of becoming my protégé, I find it on the contrary very natural and intelligent of you to have done so…I will even go so far as to say,” he went on, switching suddenly and momentarily from haughty anger to a gentleness so tinged with melancholy that I thought he was going to burst into tears, “that when you left unanswered the proposal I made to you here in Paris, it seemed to me so unbelievable on your part, you had who struck me as well brought up and of a good bourgeois family,” (on this adjective alone his voice gave a little hiss of impertinence), “that I was ingenuous enough to imagine all the tall stories that never happen, letters miscarrying, addresses misread…”’

Charlus goes on and on like this, the clauses and sub-clauses piling up, in a sequence which goes on for perhaps fifteen pages. The climax comes with an act of violence: words having failed him, the narrator picks up Charlus’ silk hat and tears it to pieces. It is the only scene of really aggressive confrontation in the whole of Proust’s series thus far, and it is deliberately overwrought (like Charlus himself) to the point of absurdity. It is one of those perfect little set-pieces in this book which we wash up upon, like islands of wonder. 

Today we would probably call Charlus a psychopath. It is as much as the narrator can do to wonder if he would be capable of murder. But for all his instability, in the vivid expression of his manic emotional states he seems more like a human being than many of the strange automata who populate the salons and ballrooms of this novel. And what is he doing if not putting to voice the same kind of incessant, imaginative self-regard that drives the narrator himself? Those lines above, fuelled by doubt, about imagining the tall stories that never happen — letters miscarrying, addresses misread — are the stuff of novels, and the stuff of this novel in particular. Proust is confronting the torrent of his own immense verbosity, and the only recourse is to silence, and a simple act of unswerving defiance. 

#books #marcel proust #in search of lost time #the guermantes way

[whetstonefires]

d gray man liveblog part 5! (part 1)(part 2)(part 3)(part 4)

Love the amount of personality Allen conveys by code-switching into different formality levels. the translators here are doing an excellent job conveying that, though i suspect the foul language there could have been legitimately punched up.

asserting that his oath to mana and the love that underlies it are his even though he can’t know that is...what makes Allen main character material i guess.

XD I want to ask when ‘being a total maniac with a personality whose internal contradictions are never entirely resolved’ became the shounen protagonist standard but i’m paging through mentally and it basically goes all the way back.

Ashita no Joe was like this. it’s always been like this. only the details change.

I will give Cross Marian .3 points for the possibility he predicted that offering Allen no mercy would inspire him to pull out his hardshell rage against the whole situation rather than crumpling under the weight.

stg allen walker is composed of 93% layered trauma like fine lacquerware and 4% mental invasion. the remaining 3% of his personality is what’s subject to contest. when XIV exceeds 7% encroachment is when shit is going to get real.

oh woo there is Politics afoot and Bookman is...actually intimidated by them, that scares me.

also he and Lavi keep conversing through thought bubbles and i can’t tell if we’re meant to understand they have a telepathic link or this is just an idiosyncratic method of indicating whispers.

lavaliere thinks allen is funny. or that komui’s attempts to reframe shit in allen’s favor are funny.

he’s not actually wrong that the XIVth can’t be trusted, but you want to insist he is wrong somehow because he’s already demonstrated that his standards for treatment of people who even might be compromised are inhumane as fuck.

i want to keep making Pope jokes but the recurring phrase ‘the central government’ just. it really does emphasize how much this organization is modeled on a modern Japanese concept of hierarchy rather than an early-modern European one.

...i am reminded that early European accounts of Tokugawa Japan recorded the shogun as the Emperor and the Emperor as the Pope.

labubibir just smirks when komui asks if his unilateral ‘we’ll tell everyone all about this in the morning’ decision has the pope’s imprimatur behind it.

srsly if we get to a twist that the current Pope is like. an animated corpse or a stuffed bear or a wooden statue or something run by a committee, i’m not even going to be shocked.

oh look it’s Link in that outrageous papal magic ninja getup. XD the role of Timcampi in this story is so weird. and great. he’s like. magic floating R2D2 stg, only if Luke threw R2 at Yoda’s head at some point.

...the point would be when Yoda actually explained about Vader before Vader could, but did it in the most assholish and unhelpful way possible

which you know i would believe would have happened.

Cross Marian it is so completely in character for you to turn up dead and thus useless at such a politically vital moment i almost don’t believe you’ve actually been killed.

only the fact that you actually shared significant information last night makes it seem reasonably likely this is not a fake death.

the disappearing body is a good trick. the guards sleeping and not dead is suggestive either way.

i like the juxtaposition that made it look link Link was blowing shit up by playing chess. (instead it is the marginally less ridiculous ‘playing chess at the site of a battle while ignoring the fighting’)

are those things even akuma? they’re fighting them in a graveyard and either the fight is non-serious enough or the chess is important enough that Miranda’s multi-tasking...

if she needs to use reverse on the board then presumably it...got spilled? but then they could just memorize the positions and let her let it go...

lol yeah okay allen scold the monster for its lack of manners toward a lady.

lmaoooo okay the chess was to win an Innocence-infused ring back from the ghost of its chess-master previous owner! normal duties have resumed in spite of the massive loss of personnel and allen’s identity issues, and apparently Link is now contributing to team efforts. this won’t divide his loyalties at all of course.

the chessboard didn’t decay with the ghost, so i still don’t know what Miranda was reversing time on it for.

+1 sassy old lady.

wow they’re actually building Order operations around use of the Ark, which only Allen can pilot. i guess anyone can use the doors he’s established so once he’s got a solid network running they can axe him but....

...Miranda it is rude to crush on a priest, though he has very pretty hair. (i mean, i’m assuming he’s catholic, since he’s with the Order, which works for the Pope. all indications really are that England is a catholic country in this universe.)

...it’s also a country where the Noahs are installed at high levels of government I don’t understand how no one in the Order has noticed that.

‘even if only for the moment’ ffffffffs link shut the fuck up.

...if anyone is inexplicably reading this without familiarity with the media property involved and picturing the hero from Legend of Zelda when i yell at link, please continue doing that, it’s basically correct except for being wrong in almost every particular.

oh good grief. So, they actually agreed with me about ‘can’t get rid of Allen’ for all the reasons i stated! they just announced to everyone he knows that they have an ongoing mission to kill him if he goes rogue.

that’s entirely reasonable, really, though depressing, but they had to be so viciously dehumanizing about getting there! wtf. “our very own pet noah” imma wring your throat.

...ten years has made Miranda Lott so much more relatable but never more than in this moment where she’s reminding herself she’s the only actual adult in this group.

also really feeling Allen’s “I don’t understand anything, but time keeps moving on.”

Holy shit the guy who knew Kanda when he was a small person now counts as foreshadowing of horrible things to come.

...how long have they left the bloodstained shattered window unrepaired so Rebeliel can sit here staring at it?

i don’t know whether i’m more focused on how absurd it is that this man does fancy baking (19th century! powerful! man!) or how terrifying it is that he’s offering Allen a slice of cake.

lmao apparently Reever is not a typical example of his role, probably because Komui isn’t. in fact, i don’t think i previously realized the ‘section’ he’s ‘chief’ of is the hq science section, because Komui acts like he’s Head of Mad Science and leaves Reever to be his chief minion.

also, this poor woman. her brother got horribly murdered working with these people and it traumatized them and now they’re treating her as a replacement goldfish because she looks just like him. that’s messed up on so many levels, though presumably she’s at least moderately okay with being misgendered or she’d dress differently. it being the 19th century and all.

...also i can’t tell if she’s meant to be a very pale black woman or if hoshino just did a ‘fat person’ character design around racist caricature visual tropes, but she’s got the blackface lip outline and a dreadlock ponytail, so welp.

wow Cross’ disappearance just gets more mysterious even as the evidence of his death mounts.

oh never mind Lebubble says it was definitely his bosses but he’s concerned because he was left out of the loop.

hmm okay that’s two women getting instant crushes on pretty boys and two relatively minor cases of sexual harassment in three chapters, all four times intended as humor, do not like this trend.

hmm now a trans woman being used as a visual gag. i’ve seen worse uses of this trope, but ugh.

the Ganimard expy is funny, tho. the amount of personality conveyed in a few pages is reliably high.

...i feel like he’s pointedly not given his prisoners any changes of clothes in order to maintain the illusion that it makes some kind of sense for there to be an entire gang of phantom thief that gets caught every single time.

that doesn’t actually explain why they’re all still wearing the outrageous hat.

aaaaand back to allen’s identity crisis.

wow, on the one hand cross is pressuring him from beyond the grave not to rely on Mana’s memory because that’s not his real self, but on the other hand he has to seriously consider that his recent lapses in the formality adopted in imitation of Mana were even less himself and in fact the result of a hostile alien consciousness breaking through.

haha this heist scenario is so exactly like a Magic Kaito one I’m guessing that’s a deliberate allusion and not just shared Phantom Thief tropes. (Though how do you tell in a genre like this, Ganimard-Nakamori-Galmar lmao.)

...the thematic element of speech-mode equating identity is really nicely used but lmao sticking out the tongue has sufficiently different connotation in Japan to make this possession sequence weirder than intended. which was already pretty weird.

daaaaamn link’s papal ninja moves are finally seeing some use. also way to signal your real identity bodysnatcher kid, allen’s like sixteen, an adult would definitely not call him niichan.

wow you can even use his papal ninja paper magic! somehow! that is a really high-tier bodysnatching skill. also lol of course kanda can recognize a papal ninja crow by skillset.

i am a huge fan of allen’s capacity for headgames.

oh my goodness is he seriously donating all the money from his thefts to an orphanage? specifically the orphanage where he lives?

and again with the boob grab.

...allen walker weeping that he’s bleeding is quite the hilarious sight but come to think of it if he can’t hold off one random crybaby bodysnatching kid his odds against XIV don’t look that hot, eh?

oh no evil undead nun.

oh that’s a great idea, ask komui for advice about what to do in the situation that an exorcist and his guardians are rejecting summary kidnapping. it’s not like he devoted his entire life to regaining contact with his sister after the Order kidnapped her.

oh no it’s another hideous potbellied angel monster and they’ve figured out how to jam allen’s curse radar. that curse was a present from his dad you bastards!

...mana was a really weird person.

you know link, i’m pretty sure from you that was protectiveness.

oh! a twist! the nun is evil without being an undead monster!

meanwhile the nice nun and all the orphans have been turned into puppets.

daaaaamn the Papal Ninja Paper Magic is good stuff! why don’t they teach it to more of their staff, maybe they wouldn’t have such high turnover.

...Kanda just referred to Noise Marie as ‘she’ but I’m pretty sure that’s a translation error based on the fact that his surname is ‘Marie’ and ‘Noise’ sounds like a descriptor based on his hearing-based power rather than a first name.

it would frankly be awesome if Noise Marie were a woman, but considering the only two not-conventionally-boobalicious and also not elderly female characters we’ve had were minor visual gags (plus i guess Miranda during her initial nervous breakdown), and that hoshino was genuinely startled people thought Jasdero was a woman, presumably because of the lack of visible breasts, i reallllllllly think she would be unlikely to design a huge bald muscle woman, let alone treat her with this much casual respect, let alone while writing her as gay.

regardless, if Noise Marie actually dies imma be so mad. not that me being mad has had a perceptible affect on the death rate--though Kanda and Krory did survive the Ark Battle Arc so maybe i do have power. or rather we collectively as readers do.

hah he cut his own fingers off with wire, badass.

allen’s talent for inspiring compassion claims another victim in Bodysnatcher Timothy and holy cow Emilia The Nice Middle Class Girl is here with a handgun to menace the giant monsters, nice.

i mean, they’re not very menaced, but she’s shooting them anyway, because fuck you.

...holy shit that’s a powerful ability. the fact that it leaves his real body vulnerable is kind of a major drawback even with good teammates, but wow. also for some reason his Innocence has its own consciousness???

which can pilot his body for him while he’s walkabout, how helpful!

Bonne the the translady prison boss has joined the count of girls who see a cute guy and get an instant crush recently, but for some reason she’s really into Reever? I mean, he’s good-looking, sure, but he’s not one of The Pretty Boys.

Just realized that part of what’s vibing so weird is, this is a shounen series, but the specific way it juxtaposes elements of extreme shittiness with elements of brilliant concept and execution is more shoujo in style.

sameface isn’t normally a big issue in this series but Link-with-his-bangs-blown-back looks confusingly similar to Timothy’s Innocence Spirit, whom Timothy identified as his adult self with startling ease.

kneeling there out of options thinking you’re going to die and you dedicate your last thought to revellier, link? really??? that’s extremely sad. did he actually do anything to earn your loyalty or is this just brainwashing?

I feel like last time through I failed to absorb the political implications of the Order having managed to put together agents who can stop a Level 3 akuma with their hands and then eat it. with their hands. i think they’ve been spliced with akuma, because ‘nothing human can get through this barrier.’

Lenalee going one-v-one on a Level 3 was a nigh-self-destruct big deal a couple of months ago. This isn’t just sloppily managed shounen power creep this is the obsolescence of the excorcists.

which in theory would be a good thing, but the way these guys are made has to be awful and our main characters were already disposable enough in the eyes of their masters.

At least Allen’s getting Power Creep too! New tactic: drop sword. Stab enemy in the back with it while standing in front of them because it’s still part of your body somehow.

oh good grief allen you saw what happened to tiki myk! how did you not see this coming. ughhhhhhh. i know why. your current life plan is to Denial so damn hard the universe breaks your way. this is your god letting you know she’s not going to indulge that touching optimism.

i think it shocked me the first time, but i’m not sure anymore.

yeah, deeply counter-productive course of action.

...i’m now used to the way XIV uses Allen’s face but the akuma seeing him as a flaming skeleton monster i had forgotten about. wut?

with kanda it’s not a question of did he count on allen being able to dodge or did he not care if he stabbed him too, it’s both.

the cognitive dissonance of the story trying to treat Timothy joining the Order as a Good End to this episode, the same way it did back in early days when they recruited Miranda, when the prevailing atmosphere of the story has become one of institutional cruelty and corruption wherein the Order is a hellish slave-taking death trap that eats its people alive is just...fucking me up big time.

am i actually expected to accept the content here at face value?

...i mean, it’s a good end in that our heroes are spared having to forcibly kidnap him into indenture, but Emilia joining to look after him is just. It’s not funny or heartwarming or empowering.

we’ve recently gone over how komui doesn’t want lenalee to see his joining the Order for her as self-sacrifice even though it was, and also how much it fucks him up being accountable for how evil this organization is.

and not to be awful but lenalee’s his actual family and actually sweet, whereas timothy is a horrid brat with a habit of sexually harassing Emilia.

And that was before the war reached a point where we’re seeing 90% mortality.

don’t do this emilia. nooooooope.

on the upside, the nice nun and all the children survived somehow!

allen’s relationship with Link is weird.

i wonder if i was meant to be disturbed by how similar Mana’s body language was to the Earl’s for a second there?

okay so can we talk about how in this moment of extreme drama where Allen has sat up in bed possessed by evil, timcampi (who never communicates except via body language and is a floating orb) gets a speech bubble containing a picture of a toilet?

because it was really important to let the readers know that the little golem theorized that Allen needed to have a pee, in between cutting from the unsettling Symbolic Dream to the terrifying murder face.

and the thing is, it even kind of was! it contributes to the pace of the whole scene, it reminds us that timcampi is a conscious being with opinions even if he can’t communicate much, and is witnessing this incident. and yet. toilet.

the entire storytelling style of D. Gray Man revolves around creating cognitive dissonance and it does not suit my brain.

...i honestly don’t know what to think about Link being uncomfortable sharing a room with Lenalee flashing that much thigh, but i know i like him better for the fact that he let her drive him out of his own room by falling asleep on his bed, and just stood around in the hall like a chump waiting for her to finish her nap.

and he escalates from threatening allen with a formal complaint to threatening to tell komui he’s alone in a room with lenalee lmao.

he really is fitting right in.

oh hey. it wasn’t just timcampi who saw.

yes okay thanks for the tyki myk update good to know there are long-term consequences for running a noah through with Crown Clown.

aaaand North American Boobs Lady didn’t seem half this menacing last time she came up, but now she’s flanked by Hungry Hands Dude and his partner and komui is looking freaked out.

he does that a lot lately.

#catching up with d. grey man #d gray man #d gray man spoilers #i need to go into less detail

[skeletonscribbles]

At Least It’s Not Sports (Part Two: Sophomore Year)

continued by popular demand :)

Title: At Least It’s Not Sports (High School Drama Club AU)

Pairings: Reddie, Stanlon, Benverly, some blip on the radar Billverly

Rating: we’re in T territory still because they’re only sophomores

Summary: “Things will work out,” Ben continued, sweet and reassuring. “For both of us.”

“I hope you’re right, Ben,” Eddie sighed. “I’m going off headset now.”

“Fair enough,” Ben said. “Talk to you when Stan freaks out midway through the act one closer.”

“I can hear both of you,” Stan said flatly.

Warnings: some almost sexual situations, the pacing is shit, and I made myself sad :( oh well

Part One - Freshman Year / Part Three - Junior Year / Part Four - Senior Year pt. 1 / Part Five - Senior Year pt. 2

Read on Ao3!

Sure enough, as soon as Eddie got the e-mail about drama club starting up again, he marched over to his calendar and circled the date of the first workshop in red sharpie. He had been cooped up with his mother watching Jeopardy virtually all summer, and he was more than ready to see his friends again. Bi-weekly trips to the diner or the park were fun, but not enough.

He was so desperate for their company, he was almost ready to overlook the dread he felt at the thought of seeing Richie.

He’d been careful during the summer to only attend group hangouts that he knew Richie wouldn’t go to. The idea behind this was that not seeing Richie would help his crush subside before he went back to school, and that everything would subsequently go back to normal. Of course, Eddie’s life being how it was, things couldn’t be that simple. Absence was unfortunately only making the heart grow fonder, and Eddie found himself daydreaming about Richie during the moments that his mind wasn’t occupied with anything important...which was most moments, in the summertime.

Eddie’s last and only hope, then, was that Richie had miraculously either grown ugly or adjusted his personality severely over the last three months. It was a long shot, but barring that, Eddie was going to have to suck it up and deal with his feelings, so he held out hope for it.

Said hope was, of course, in vain.

“Spaghetti, thank God.” It was the first day of school, and too early in the morning for Eddie to be properly prepared to see Richie. God fucking damn it. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been asking after you all summer.”

Eddie looked at him, and immediately wished he hadn't. Richie had grown several inches since Eddie had last seen him, and his freckles had gone dark from the summer sun. He was wearing a tye-dyed Ben and Jerry’s t-shirt, his hair was pulled back in a sloppy, low ponytail, and there were a few bristly hairs around his upper lip and chin. His glasses were, somehow, thicker than ever. The combination of all of those things should have been absolutely horrifying, but for whatever reason, Richie’s new eyesore status was making Eddie’s heart do jumping jacks. What the hell.

“Take a hint, asshole,” he said, biting his lip and going back to hanging up flyers for the first drama workshop.

“You can’t escape me that easily, Eds.” Richie cornered him, putting his hands on either side of the wall around Eddie so that he was trapped. Eddie clenched his fists and looked at the floor, trying to pretend that he wasn’t affected by their new position. “I thought we were friends. I missed you.”

“You’ll see me,” Eddie muttered, waving the flyers in his hand for emphasis. “I know you’re going.”

“Of course,” Richie grinned, still boxing him in with his arms. “And probably in English, and maybe some other classes, too. Es muy emocionante, si?”

“I don’t take Spanish,” Eddie said, frowning.

“Exciting,” Richie explained. “Eeez veddy exciting, Señor Spaghetti.”

“Go to class, nerd.” Eddie could feel a blush creeping up his neck. If he spent any more time with Richie, his whole face would be red, and he absolutely could not have Richie see that. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“It’s a date,” Richie winked and pulled himself away from the wall, moving to adjust his backpack. “Nice tan, by the way. Brings out your scowl.”

“See, I went out and got the tan to emphasize this, so...” Eddie held out his middle finger threateningly, but Richie was already walking away.

Fuck. Eddie had expected things to be awkward, but that was a whole new level of emotional badness.

Maybe his ticket to getting out of this whole feelings nonsense was to push Richie away. He was going to have to step it up with the insults.

----

Insults worked, but only kind of.

The first workshop was much like Eddie had remembered it being the year before, only this time he didn’t have to participate. Instead, he sat smugly with Stan on the sidelines.

Richie was in rare form; he was obviously trying to show off for the freshmen, and he kept glancing back at Eddie excitedly. Eddie returned his excitement with scowls and rude gestures, trying to keep the butterflies in his stomach at bay.

“I take it you haven’t discussed your feelings,” Stan said, watching Eddie disapprovingly.

“What feelings?” Eddie lied, tightening his shoulders. “I don’t have those anymore.”

“Don’t be absurd.” Stan turned in his chair a little bit so that Eddie could better see the exasperated expression on his face. “It’s not healthy to bottle your feelings up. You’ll explode.”

“What feelings?” Eddie asked again, wishing that Stan weren’t so goddamn observant.

Stan watched him for another minute, and then turned back to the stage. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Hey Eds!” Richie was waving at him from the stage. “This is a partner game that requires a lot of touching. Wanna team up?”

“If I was actually an artist and you were the clay I was supposed to sculpt with, I would change professions,” Eddie snapped.

Richie looked back at him blankly. “So...no?”

“Leave me alone, Richie,” Eddie all but yelled, sliding down in his chair.

That seemed to sting more for Richie than the insult. He went back to the group of acting hopefuls, shoulders a little more slumped than they were before.

“And now you’ve embarrassed him.” Stan rolled his eyes. “Very nice, Eddie. Great rapport with the actors.”

“Everyone else likes me just fine,” Eddie muttered. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You better,” Stan warned. “My job is yours next year, and I don’t want to find out that I chose the wrong fucking kid to mentor.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie said stubbornly. “It’ll be good.”

It wasn’t as good as he imagined it would be.

Because tactically avoiding Richie seemed to work better than insulting him outright, Eddie tried his best to steer clear of his bespectacled crush for the first month and a half of school. He could tell that Richie was pretty hurt by his behavior, but Eddie figured he’d get over it after a while and move on to annoying someone else...so that was fine.

What was less fine was the fact that his rift with Richie was affecting their friend group. Bev and Bill didn’t really understand what was going on, but felt a little bit like they were being forced to take sides...and so instead of doing that, they chose to isolate themselves, becoming closer to each other and spending less time with the other members of the drama club. Richie didn’t really know what to do, and so was apparently biding his time with upperclassmen, and Eddie...Eddie was alone, which really pissed him off. The whole point of getting over his crush was to not ruin the friendships he’d made last year, damn it - and not only was this process actively tearing those friendships apart, but he still couldn’t shake the fucking crush. Un-fucking-fair.

Stan was the person that paid him the most attention on any given day, but Eddie knew that he was disappointed in him, too. Stage managers were supposed to be building trust with the actors, and Eddie was effectively doing the opposite of that. Letting Stan down hurt just as much if not more than losing friends, and by mid-October, when the fall play was going into tech, he was considering quitting the drama club, just so he could escape the scrutinizing gaze of Stanley Uris.

That was when Stan gave him The Assignment.

Stage management was technically not supposed to do stage crew work; they had enough responsibility in making sure that the actors, the lights, and the microphones were all doing what they were supposed to. This show was meant to be no different...except that there weren’t really enough crew members to cover all of the menial things like prop resetting. Stan really had no choice but to give Eddie a task.

“Eddie,” Stan came up to Eddie and pointed to a place in his heavily annotated script. It was about halfway through the first Saturday of tech weekend, and the entire crew was stressed beyond belief. “You’re not supervising anything during this stretch of Act One, so I need you to do me a favor.”

“What?” Eddie asked, pulling out his own script to make a note.

“Richie has a quick change here that he can’t make by himself.” Stan indicated a specific line on the page. “I need you to help him.”

Eddie felt like Stan had thrown a bucket of ice water on him. “Me? It has to be me?”

“It has to be you,” Stan confirmed. “There’s a scene switch there, too. I need the rest of my crew on stage.”

“I--” Eddie started to protest, but Stan held up a finger.

“I don’t care about your self-destructive feelings, Eddie. I care about the show. Get over it.”

Eddie swallowed, nodded, and tried in vain to silence his singing nerves.

An hour later, Richie sprinted offstage to change costumes, and all of Eddie’s “progress” in getting rid of his crush was undone.

“Eds?” Richie asked, confused and out of breath. “What--”

“You need a dresser for this, dumbass.” Eddie flushed and held out a pair of pants, already unbuttoned and ready for Richie to step into. “Strip.”

“Well, shit.” All the bravado seemed to drain from Richie’s face. He stared at Eddie, seemingly frozen to the spot. “Uh.”

“Now,” Eddie hissed, brandishing the pants again.

“Right, okay.” Richie made quick work of his suit jacket and pants, and was left in his boxers and a collared shirt. He started in on the buttons, which gave Eddie a couple of seconds to take in the sight of Richie before him, semi-undressed.

It fucking sucked to be fifteen and hormonal. Eddie was grateful for the dark as he discreetly reached down to adjust himself in his jeans.

Fortunately, Richie didn’t seem to notice. He got the shirt off, and stepped towards Eddie cautiously. “Uh.”

Shit. They were already almost out of time. “Okay, that took too long, I’m gonna have to help you with it next time.” Eddie shivered at the thought. “Now, pants.”

Richie folded his hands over his almost naked body, seemingly...embarrassed? “As much as I wish I were that tall, Eds, you’re, uh….gonna have to kneel down for this.”

Fuck.

Quickly, Eddie sank to his knees, holding out the pants and trying desperately to think of anything but his proximity to Richie’s crotch. Richie all but leapt into them, apparently also hoping to get the moment over with as soon as he possibly could. He reached his hands down to get the button, but Eddie swatted him away. “Put your shirt on instead. I got it.”

“You really don’t have to,” Richie said quickly, voice cracking a little on the last word.

“It’s fine.” Richie’s aversion to Eddie’s hands around that area soon became apparent; to Eddie’s surprise, Richie was noticeably half-hard himself. It wasn’t weird, though - in fact, it was kind of a relief to see that he wasn’t the only horny idiot around. Eddie chalked it up to puberty, and used his deft hands to do up the button and zipper swiftly and neatly.

“Fine?” Richie asked warily, with his t-shirt half over his head.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Eddie stood up and helped him pull the shirt down. They didn’t have to talk about it. There was nothing to say.

“No reason.” Richie took half a second to look at him curiously, and then turned to the stage. “Gotta blast.”

“Break a leg,” Eddie whispered after him, watching fondly as Richie’s face lit back up as soon as he was under the stage lights.

He’d been an idiot, hadn’t he?

He could live with keeping his stupid crush to himself if it meant that he could have his friends - have Richie.

Why did it take being inches from Richie’s dick to bring him to that stupid conclusion? Christ, being fifteen was the fucking worst.

The rest of the week saw things veering closer and closer to normal. Richie realized after about two days that Eddie wasn’t flinching away anymore (from his boner or otherwise) and slowly but surely, their banter resurfaced, as well as Richie’s flirting and casual touches. This drew Bev and Bill back in, and by the time the show rolled around, the group of them were sitting together after rehearsal again, trading jokes and insults like nothing had happened.

Most friends wouldn’t be so forgiving, Eddie knew. He was lucky.

Stan told him as much before the first curtain. “I see you took your head out of your ass, Kaspbrak.”

Eddie nodded, sliding his headset off of his ears and around his neck. “I was being a moron. But you know that.”

“I do.” Stan adjusted a newspaper on the prop table. “That’s why I gave you the task of changing Richie’s pants.”

Eddie groaned. “Stan, that’s hazing.”

“No, it’s strategic.” Stan was having trouble hiding his smile. “And nobody else around here has as much of a vested interest in Richie’s penis as you, so it made sense.”

Eddie pulled the hood of his black sweatshirt up and over his head in horror. “Stop talking, oh my god.”

Stan smiled, satisfied that the prop table was in order, and turned to Eddie. “I don’t care about your terrible taste in men, Eddie. I’m just glad you got your priorities sorted.”

“Did you ever have to dress Mike?” Eddie asked, changing the subject.

Stan scoffed as he exited towards the dressing rooms. “Have to? I volunteered, every time. Eventually he got the hint.” He paused before he left, looking back at Eddie. “It’s a legitimate strategy. Just a thought.”

“I’m done with pants duty after Saturday,” Eddie said hotly. “Mike probably didn’t subject you to Smurf pattern underwear.”

Stan didn’t stop laughing until he was all the way down the hall. Eddie listened to it echo, and felt warm.

He did end up volunteering to dress Richie for both the winter play and the musical, to Stan’s great amusement. It was less and less awkward for Eddie with every show, but Richie never really stopped being flustered about it - and for whatever reason, he’d become increasingly flustered around Eddie in general as the months went by. It was so out of character for him that for the musical, Bill and Bev came around to watch the ritual clothes change.

“Having fun, Rich?” Bev called, leaning on the prop table in amusement as Eddie tugged Richie’s belt through the belt loops of his jeans. “Haven’t you had this exact same fantasy the last few times you went into the bathroom to--”

“Shove it, Marsh.” Richie gritted his teeth. “You and Denbrough get up to kinkier shit, I’m sure.”

Bill wrinkled his nose. “Is that what you thuh-think about when you’re jacking it, Rich?”

“Your stutter’s getting better,” Richie commented, ignoring Bill’s remark.

Bill and Bev had announced in January that they were dating. Nobody was surprised; they’d spent virtually all fall together in an attempt to ride out the wave of Richie and Eddie’s rough patch. They were sort of a strange couple, though, in that they didn’t really have anything in common - they just sort of drifted together, connecting but not really connecting. Eddie imagined they’d be finished by the time the drama awards came around.

“I’ve had some help,” said Bill, giving Bev a small smile.

“Richie!” April, the junior girl Richie was playing opposite (they were the B-plot romance, which was pretty impressive, given that Richie was only a sophomore) ran over, clearly frazzled. “They’re like, three lines away from our cue.”

“Gimme my hat, gimme my hat!” Richie grabbed for the ridiculous straw cowboy hat in a hurry, abnormally eager to escape his friends. Eddie watched him, concerned.

“Richie?”

“C’mon, April!” Richie said, ignoring Eddie and taking April’s hand to pull her over and around to the back entrance of the set.

Eddie looked back over at Bill and Ben. “Was that weird?”

Bev shrugged. “Kinda. But she and Richie are close now, or whatever. They’ve been spending all kinds of time together.”

Eddie had noticed that, too, and it didn’t make him very happy. Bev bringing it up was really just the cherry on his paranoia sundae, and it led him to check in with a third, more honest source.

“Yeah, something’s up with Richie.” Mike Hanlon’s character had a break during the ballet in act two, and so Eddie was able to catch up with him quickly and easily. “He’s been like...agitated...since whatever happened between you guys in the fall.”

“Is he mad at me?” Eddie asked, trusting Mike to tell him the truth.

“He might be,” Mike admitted, adjusting his plaid costume shirt. “I don’t think he realizes if he is, though.”

Eddie sighed miserably. “I’m not ignoring him this time, though. I’m even trying to be nice.”

“Yeah, well.” Mike looked up at Eddie, shrugging. “That might be the issue, actually.”

“What does that mean?” Stan was saying something to Ben Hanscom, the new lights guy, over the headset. Eddie willed himself to ignore it.

“I don’t think Richie ever expected you to flirt back,” Mike said softly, “and he’s probably kind of scared of it, you know?”

Eddie didn’t understand, and told Mike as much.

“Well,” Mike tried, “fantasy and reality are really different, right? Like, when I had a crush on Stan, I was totally freaked when Stan started showing interest, because it was just...my mind hadn’t actually let me think that positively about it. I didn’t know what to do. I’m not the type to run from stuff, though. Richie...I don’t know.”

“What about April?” Eddie asked, wringing his hands.

“I don’t know about April,” Mike admitted. “She likes him, that’s obvious, but I can’t read Richie well enough to say.”

“Eddie,” Stan’s voice yelled through the headset, “stop flirting with my boyfriend backstage and get to your goddamn station.”

“Fuck you too, Stan,” Eddie called, rolling his eyes. “Thanks, Mike. Sorry to drag you into all this.”

Mike smiled, and Eddie fleetingly wished he had fallen for somebody with the kind of gentle countenance Mike had. “Happy to help, Eddie. Come back anytime.”

“Eddie!” Stan yelled, and Eddie hightailed it backstage.

He spent the next week trying to dial back his kindness to Richie, but it seemed the damage was done. Richie was barely interacting with him at all; instead, he was spending most all of his free time with April. Any suspicions Eddie had before were well on their way to being confirmed.

“Why her?” he asked himself quietly during the first night of the show, watching the two of them onstage and feeling a little bit like throwing up.

“You know your headset’s on, right?” Ben Hanscom called. Eddie groaned, mortified.

“No. Sorry, Ben.”

“It’s okay,” Ben said softly. “I know how you feel.”

That was new. Eddie hadn’t paid Ben much mind over the course of the last year (which he felt bad about, but it was hard to pay attention to anyone but Richie most of the time), but from what he had seen, he hadn’t picked up on Ben having a crush.

“Things will work out,” Ben continued, sweet and reassuring. “For both of us.”

“I hope you’re right, Ben,” Eddie sighed. “I’m going off headset now.”

“Fair enough,” Ben said. “Talk to you when Stan freaks out midway through the act one closer.”

“I can hear both of you,” Stan said flatly.

“Bye,” Eddie said, switching off his headset and returning to wallowing alone in his feelings.

When the end of year awards rolled around, Eddie hadn’t talked to Richie in three weeks, and it hadn’t been his prerogative. Richie hadn’t been talking to anyone but April. Needless to say, his feelings were hurt, and watching Richie win award after award after award wasn’t helping. Stan was really the only thing keeping him grounded - and this was Stan’s last night in the program. He was a graduating senior, and that fucking hurt, too.

“I’m sorry,” Stan whispered, after the ceremony concluded and all of the awards were passed out. Eddie had won a fair amount of them himself, but he still felt shitty, and Stan’s leaving was pushing him over the edge a little bit.

“Don’t be,” Eddie whispered back, pulling him into a hug. “Thanks for everything, Stan.”

“You make it sound like we won’t see each other over the summer,” Stan mumbled, voice uncharacteristically shaky.

“Also, I have your number,” Eddie said, blinking back tears, “so really, you’re never getting rid of me.”

Stan pulled back and looked seriously at him. “You’re coming back to this next year, right?”

Eddie didn’t have to ask why Stan was asking. He could see Richie and April laughing together in his peripheral vision.

“I’m not gonna like it,” Eddie said honestly, “but I promise you that you didn’t waste your time with me.”

Stan smiled, eyes watery. “I know I didn’t.”

“Go suck face with your stupid boyfriend,” Eddie smiled back weakly, patting Stan on the arm.

“I will.” Slowly, Stan turned on his heel and departed in search of Mike. Eddie watched him leave, feeling heavy with the knowledge that a chapter of his life was ending. Things wouldn’t be the same without Stan and Mike.

“Eddie?” Eddie heard Bill and Bev walking up behind him. He turned to find that they had their coats on, and were looking at him piteously, for whatever reason. Ben Hanscom was also with them; he was not looking at Eddie, though, preoccupied instead by staring wistfully at Bev.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

“Let’s go get pizza,” Bev suggested softly, taking Bill’s hand. Ben looked away sharply.

“Why?” Eddie looked back at the three of them, suspicious. “Why are you being so--”

They stared at the ground, uncomfortable, and Eddie’s heart sank. He turned around.

Richie and April were tucked away in a corner of the auditorium lobby...and they were kissing.

“Yeah,” Eddie said softly, unable to tear his eyes away from them, “pizza sounds good.”

“Let’s go,” Bill suggested, guiding Eddie towards the doors. Bev came around his other side to wrap an arm around Eddie’s waist, and Ben followed the three of them out.

It was a good thing he had such good friends, Eddie figured, because there was no way he was going to survive junior year otherwise.

Theatre was great, except when it wasn’t.

Tag List: (this is everyone who liked my tag list post. lmk if you want off.) @nymphadora @sun-nugget @reddieaddict @peonyromance @should-i-gay-or-should-i-go @its-stranger-than-you-think @forever-a-lonely-valentine

#reddie #reddie fanfic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #stanlon #stanley uris #mike hanlon #losers club #it 2017 #it movie #stephen king's it #theatre kid au #mild angst #:( #deep sigh