#i just get sad when no one pays attention when i post art but i know the only way to Get people to pay attention is to just post it anyway

[yellowflowerzzz]

2018 vs 2024

#furry #fursona #sfw furry #furry art #yew art #this guy was my first ever fursona his name is berry... i dont use him much anymore but hes a good lil guy #i want to start posting my art more its very rare that i post it but i draw CONSTANTLY #i just get sad when no one pays attention when i post art but i know the only way to Get people to pay attention is to just post it anyway #plus i only have like 8 followers so theres barely anyone To look at it GDJSGSMS #i dont particularly want more followers tho i like to sit in my little corner. but that contrasts with 'i want more people to see my art' #my ideal would be everyone in the world is so niceys about my silly little drawings when i post them and then leaves me alone #but yeah usually i dont like my art reblogged even which complicates it more #but this is ok to rb if people want to bc im proud of it. im also nosey tell me what stands out about my style (if anything) if u want #i should start using this sona more again he used to be my main but im not really a bright colors guy anymore #i still want him as a fursuit so so badly though #ok tag ramble over thanks if you read it all

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

so i keep referencing the What Broke Delirium essay i plan to write but never actually writing it, so let's dig into that one!

because. sandman does not spoonfeed information. neil gaiman even said this in regards to the tv show, most shows are written these days under the assumption that audiences aren't really paying attention and need things spelled out for them - but sandman is not one of those shows. you gotta notice everything to get the full story

which honestly i love in many ways because it's part of why i'm never gonna run out of sandman essays to write - every time i reread the comics or rewatch the show i catch something new

and this is one of the first hidden bits of info i caught - remember this spread from overture?

it's a fucking gorgeous page and one of my favourite in the entire sandman run, both for the pretty art and the content itself (i love delirium SO much)

but let's just zoom in on the center of those flowers for a sec

because there's tiny tiny text written inside them

(for anyone who can't parse that, the first says "delight was sad", the second says "delight went mad")

now i've mentioned in many of my posts before that the endless all struggle to experience their own aspect, they are that thing, it exists for the most part out of their reach, and that causes problems for all of them

but i usually leave delirium out of these explanations

and that's because, for whatever reason, delirium is the opposite. and delight was too. i don't know what it is that makes her different, but while her older siblings all seem to be barred from their own domain by nature (or have to go to great lengths to experience it), del is too much of it. she's utterly absorbed by it. and while i think she's learned over the centuries how to be a bit more flexible (she understands the coins have two sides thing better than any of them, and can be lucid when she needs to), she didn't start out that way

we don't know what it is exactly that broke her. but we know why.

she had spent all of her life as the personification of happiness and joy, and someone who embodied those emotions. she appeared most as a little kid as delight, because kids definitely find it a lot easier to stay in that perpetually excited, happy mindset

but nothing stays that way forever. and this is where she is like her siblings, and why she's so familiar with the coin metaphor - when you're missing a fundamental piece of being human (either by being barred from your aspect or by being absorbed by it), that's not sustainable. it will tear you apart. dream refuses to accept that this is the case, and that breaks him. desire is equally stubborn about it, and they've outright admitted (in narration) that they're hanging on by a fucking thread

but death figured it out, when she realised she couldn't fulfill her function properly without learning what it was like to live. destruction figured it out when he ran away to go create. and delirium figured it out the hard way, because as soon as the world got a little too big for her singular aspect to make sense, it shattered

and it shattered slowly

there may have been some form of inciting incident, but she didn't become delirium overnight. i think a lot about her describing it as "growing up, or at least growing older", because that's both a very mature way to look at it and also an extremely tragic way to look at it, the idea that she knows too much, is never going to see the world the same way again, and that means delight is never coming back

(and that realisation is when she stopped presenting as a child and started presenting as a teenager)

and i think for a while, early days of being delirium, not delight, she didn't know what to do with that. delight broke into scattered pieces and the more fell away the harder it became to connect them

but she's also the only one of her siblings who's picked herself up from that. and it's why she's the wisest of them. because from there she learned

okay, so her innocence is gone. so delight isn't coming back. but there's still parts of her around, if delirium ever needs them. and the more she observes about the world, the more she experiences, the more different pieces she gets to add to the puzzle. they don't fit together, but that's del's real strength - they're not supposed to. she could have tried to reassemble herself piece by piece, like gluing together a broken statue, but why would she do that? then she'd be exactly as breakable as before, if not more so

instead she's more of a floating amalgamation of pieces, or rather, she's the ties between them. and because there's no set puzzle, she can put those pieces together in any order. she's no longer susceptible to the same problems as her siblings, because she's not missing anything anymore. she didn't lose parts of herself when becoming delirium, she gained some

and yes, no one is entirely without flaw - her downside is she's still susceptible to strong emotion, and when that overwhelms her mind she stops being any kind of person, we just see that floating amalgamation, until she can calm down. but that's the worst of it. her siblings may see her as broken, but she's more whole than she ever was as delight. and she's never going to break again

#hi have i mentioned i love her i love her #sandman comic spoilers #delirium of the endless #mine #meta #the sandman

[armeenix]

Distracting thoughts♡Bakugo x reader

I've been really sad recently so I thought why not write some fluff

♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

Ever since the very beginning of his freshman year bakugo has always been enthralled with you. There was just something about you that drew him to you as if he was a moth, and you were a beautiful dancing flame. His interest started out small. Sometimes he would glance over at you in class, or catch himself thinking about you instead of focusing on his tasks at hand.

Who are you really?

Why do you cause his thoughts to gravitate towards you?

Is it your stupid fucking quirk?

Maybe it's your stupid fucking face. With your pretty eyes, and your kissable lips, and your cute smile..

Fuck why are you so God damn pretty...?

This was when his thoughts started to get a little to...romantic. He had to snap himself out of this. He barely had time for friends, let alone a pretty little extra like you. He ever so desperately tried to get you off of his mind but nothing would get rid of his distracting thoughts. There was really only one option left and he eagerly took it. The last option he had was to just ignore you all together, and that's exactly what he did. He didn't want to admit it but it was a little harder to avoid you than he expected. Ever since the first day of school you have very persistently tried talking to bakugo. It's not like you did it in an annoying way, like kirishima and denki did. Instead, you were pretty chill about it.

You would casually sit by him and strike up little conversation and when the conversation stopped, it's stopped that was the end of it. You had a tactic of getting closer to him little by little at HIS pace and holy shit it was working. Bakugo started continuing the conversations for longer, and sometimes he would even be the first to start the conversations but, unfortunately for him, he couldn't open up to you anymore

Bakugo would go out of his way to sit far away from you, he would keep the conversations dry and short, and sometimes he just didn't pay any attention to you at all. He really thought this was gonna work but you just didn't know when to fucking give up. Even after how dry and mean he's been you still keep coming back to sit next to him and try to talk to him. Your subtle determination did not help bakugo keep you out of his thoughts, instead it made him think of you even more..you were always in his thoughts everyday of the week, he never could get a break from thinking about you. To be honest, you were the first person to ever be so persistent while keeping a respectful distance and not pushing your friendship onto him, and for some reason that made him feel all hot and bothered around you.

"Fuck..is a respect kink even a thing..?"

"What the hell are you talking about kacchan?"

"ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUISNESS DUNCE FACE"

"Woah, calm down bakugo"

"Whatever..."

♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

7 YEARS LATER

Its been a few years since you graduated from u.a. Both you and bakugo were successful I'm becoming proheroes. Recently you have been trending all over social media because you reached the huge milestone of finally becoming number three In the hero ranks. Your popularity skyrocketed whenyou stopped a building from crashing down onto hundreds of citizens in Tokyo earlier this month. All over Twitter people have been congratulating you, especially the girls from class 1.A. The posts consist of pictures, fan edits, fan art, and videos from most, if not all of your recent interviews.

Bakugo was scrolling through one of your twitter tags, when his phone buzzed. He swiped the notification bar at the top of his screen down to see that izuku had sent him a message.

"What does he want..?" He clicked on the message to see an image of most of class 1.A sitting at a resturant table with you directly in the middle. You were sitting backwards on a turned around chair with a cake in your hands. The cake was decorated to look like your hero suit and it had a cake topper with a hash tag and a number three on it. Right below the photo was a small paragraph.

"Hey kaachan! I know you've been really busy with everything going on lately, but I couldn't help but noticr how dissapointed y/n seemed when kirishima told her that you couldn't make it to the lunch earlier today. Maybe it's time you finally stopped avoiding her? Don't try to say you havent been, because everyone knows that you have."

"Tch as if. Who does he think he is bossing me around." There was no way in hell he would be able to "pay you a visit". He was way too busy with work just like everyone else. Plus, you probably wouldn't even want to see his face after how he brushed your civil attempts at trying to become his friend off during highschool. Deku probably just read your expressionswrong, thats all.

Right?

Right....??

"Ugh! Stupid fucking deku with his smart-ass ideas. Why does he always have to be fucking right?"

Bakugo continued to mumble as he quickly stood up and grabbed a few of his things. Just as he was about to walk out of his office door, an annoying (as bakugo liked to put it) rhythmic knock was heard from it. "Hey bakugo, you in there? I wanna show you something!"

"Fucking hell"

Bakugo quietly sighed before walking towards the door. "Come on man it's really cool! It's this cat that's wearing a small costume that looks exactly like mine. You've gotta look!" Oh hell no. There was no way he was gonna let kiri in just for that, but how was he gonna get out of his office if kirishima was blocking his only exit? Well, his only reasonable exit. Bakugo never really liked his second option because of how dangerous it was but in this moment he had no choice. It was either open that door and get bombarded with dumb questions from his loud friend, or hop out of his window and use his quirk to stop himself from getting hurt.

"Bakugo if you don't open the door imma pick the lock!"

Once again there was no response from bakugos end of the door. "Alright man, you leave me no choice!" It took a few moments but eventually kirishima finally managed to unlock the door. He turned the knob and walked into the room to see no bakugo, and one of his office windows left wide open, letting the winter night air in. He quickly walked towards the window and looked down to see a figure with explosive hands floating (or more like sloppily falling) down towards the sidewalk.

"COME ON MAN IM NOT THAT BAD"

♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

AT Y/N'S HERO AGENCY

you had been at your agency building for hours working on an idea for your new merch realise. You were one of the very few heroes who worked on official merchandise themselves. Sure you were able to create what you wanted and people loved it, but this also added so much more work to your already heavy load. To you it was worth it though, because your fans always loved the things that you and your team produced and it made you happy to see that your teams hard work to make the best quality products actually payed off.

You picked up your mug to take a sip of your tea when you realise that all of it is gone. Letting out and exhausted sight you get up from your seat, with your mug in hand, and walk out of your office to go boil some more water. A few minutes later the water was finally hot enough so you quickly made your tea to your liking and walked back into your office. As soon as you walked in you were met with your patio doors wide open and Bakugo leaning against your desk with a greasy brown bag resting right next to him.

"Hey...."

"I....hi?"

♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

To be continued

Comments, and reblogs always help!<3

#mha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha #bakugou katsuki #fluff #mha fluff #bnha x reader

[nsyncat]

OK, so this is my first post EVER since I joined Tumblr like ten years ago. Always been a lurker, enjoying all of the wonderful things here, the gifs, fics, ships, art, all the knowledge and all the amazing heritage posts, but never posting and hardly reblogging, I don't know why, was always afraid I would make a mistake or reblogg incorrectly...

Anyway, the reason this is my first time posting is because THAT amazing moment that happened a week ago, and I've been losing my mind ever since, and unfortunately I have nobody to share this excitement with that will understand... So I had to get it out somehow, and here seems like the perfect place to do so.

I don't know if anybody will read this or pay it any attention, but never mind, I just have TO. GET. IT ALL. OUT!

So I've been a loyal fan of 9-1-1 this past six years, got hooked to these kind of first responders dramas, also Station 19 and then of course Lone Star. I fell in love with the writing, the drama and action, the characters of course, the emotional and moving stories, both of the regular cast and the people in the emergencies (am not afraid to admit that I cried more than a few times, especially when I was pregnant... woooh, that was a tough season for me).

Anyway, like everyone else, got invested in Buck's storyline and of course hopped on the Buddie train in season 2. And obviously there was something between them, and the fandom always clowned themselves that "in the next season SOMETHING is going to happen!" and I always wanted to believe it, and also fooled myself a few times but always was the cold harsh realist and realised it was not going to happen... But enjoyed the ride nonetheless, read amazing fics, saw wonderful fanart, read interesting breakdowns and analysis.

And then 704 happened and I'm not joking or exaggerating, my life changed!

Confirming that Buck is Bi was amazing! I'm ashamed to admit that I really thought it won't happen, EVER! So I still can't believe it actually happened (thank you soooo much ABC!) and like a lot of you, I've been on cloud nine this past week and can't wait for tomorrows episode (also not from the US), literally counting down the hours.

And look, I love Buddie, I really do, but I fell in love with TEVAN (my favourite one yet) 😍 and been OBSESSED with them this past week. Just from those few moments between them and what we barely know that is going to happen the next episode, I truly fell in love with them and really hope they make it as far as they can. I think its an amazing thing for Buck and also CANT. STOP. WATCHING THE KISS! The actors did an incredible job, especially Oliver, also with his spoken support of the storyline and his love for Buck. Such a KING! So this whole thing is huge.

And I have a one-year-old, my life is hectic with taking care of a little human being, a hubby who is also very busy, work, family and a million other things and this past year with a heavy heart I kinda neglected reading fics, and it was my main hobby, my escape, my one and constant thing in my LIFE since I was 12. I do read here and there, but not like I used to, reading hours and hours and into the night, multi chapters and long oneshots, in multiple fandoms, and now whenever I do get to read something once In a blue moon I'm not fully invested or enjoying it because either I'm tired or have something else more important to do. And unfortunately, eventually I noticed that I lost this fire, the passion in me and it left me sad and heartbroken...

And then something incredible happened. Ever since that earth-shattering kiss, the fire and passion came back! Holy shit! I've been reading and ENJOYING fics nonstop this whole week, I can't concentrate on work thinking about everything and reading in-between tasks, I use every single free minute I have to search new fics and scroll through the tags, I go to sleep late because I need to read just one more fic(!!!) even tough I have to wake up very early in the morning and I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm thinking about it sooo much and imagining new scenarios in my head, and feeling giddy and happy, in a good mood a lot of the time, more optimistic, knowing I have a new and exciting place I can "escape" to, like I had in the past.

Its not that i'm not happy, I have an amazing son and a wonderful husband and I cherish every moment with them, but these are hard and difficult times and life can be hard and stressful and I'm a different kind of happy... So these past few days have been nourishment for my soul and my mood, it sounds so silly but its true! I'm feeling a bit like my old self and it's amazing.

And if someone did read this or did pay attention and got to this point, sorry for the long rant and thank you so much for the patience and understanding 🙏 I love you and wish you a wonderful weekend and happy Buck's-first-date-with-a-man day! 🥰

So I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, ABC, Oliver, Lou and you crazy lot for resurrecting my old fangirl self 😌 I'm so grateful for all your posts, your takes, your similar enjoyment and of course your amazing fics you're writing and sharing 🩵

#911 abc #buck x tommy #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 season 7 #personal #oliver stark #lou ferrigno jr #911 #tevan

[olderthannetfic]

It's very exhausting seeing people in my fandom get angry that an author deleted his work prior to committing suicide. Everyone's sad they don't get to read the story. I have not seen a single person even pretend to dislike the fact that a person is dead. I have seen two people say, respectively, "he could've at least given us a content drop first, end on a high note" and "content creators who don't at least leave the content up shouldn't post".

And I know, I know, fandom olds: it is parasocial and toxic and bad to expect anyone online to dislike the death of another person, I'm a Gen Z snowflake, I need to grow up, etc. In my defense, I am neurodivergent and probably not seeing this correctly. But as an admittedly fucked up person... I kind of don't like 1. the fact that a human being died 2. no one even saying "oh that's sad" or feigning valuing human life 3. everyone referring to him not as an author but as a content creator and 4. the only thing I've seen people discuss is wanting content.

I don't really vibe with the concept that people in fandom are just content mills that exist to hand us content day in and day out and that's all that matters. This dude had whole conversations with people in the comments, he was really nice and gave people encouragement, commented on his readers' fics, and he never had an unkind word to say about anyone. He answered questions on his tumblr and always had funny, weirdly specific memes for everything. And some of the same super-distinct usernames I remember him interacting with are the ones complaining about content. Not writing, just content, that demeaning internet term that also applies to AI.

He was the one who inspired me to start writing and now I don't know if I want to post. I don't want to be seen as a content mill, a bot who spits out something to be consumed that's seen as more important than a person. I don't want to contribute to this weird culture where fiction matters more than reality.

Again: I know. Snowflake, Gen Z bad, fandom olds unbothered and cool, etc. But I never claimed to be cool. I just claim this is not how fandom should be. We should be hanging out, talking to and supporting each other. You don't have to be friends, but you should aim to not see art in terms of content creation and consumption.

IDK, I don't really think I'm explaining this clearly. I just feel like we should try to not be assholes.

--

Uh... that's not what parasocial means, you weirdo, and no fandom olds think it's in good taste to whine about somebody who committed suicide not going out on a high note.

Don't be an ageist twit when you're just repeating what anyone older would say.

I assume people are reacting this way because 1. people are jerks, duh and 2. they probably don't pay attention to internet acquaintances' "suicides" after way too many fake ones.

[remcycl333]

Hi, I really enjoyed reading your indepth post today on how to fulfill ourselves. I really admire you and the “states girlies” a lot because you guys really know your stuff!

I have a bit of a scenario that i’ve been “stuck” in and in my own head about, if you have time i would really appreciate some advice.

So i’ve been “manifesting” my sp for a little over 2 years now using law of assumption, but in reality i’ve only TRULY been manifesting him using states for the last 8 months. I have a really good understanding of states thanks to you and twitter pages, edward art and neville. I promise I don’t focus on time (until recently when i was making plans for my future which i always assumed my sp would be here for) and I never intended that manifesting takes a long time. I’ve experienced many quick manifestations and I know sp is no different but im not sure where im going wrong. I always catch myself when im out of the state and redirect myself back and have been doing this daily for the last 8 months. I do feel fulfilled in my mind with him since I no longer have a “longing” for him nor do I expect him to take any action in the 3D because thats not my true world. I dont even feel bad/sad when “opposite” things seem to happen (such as him unfollowing me out of the blue) and I give stuff like that NO meaning because it GENUINELY doesn’t affect me since I know in imagination im happily married. I know you’ll tell me that im not truly fulfilled if the 3D is making me feel some type of way, but Im not sure how else to explain that I don’t know why not even the tiny bit of movement has happened (I dont want movement, I want my whole desire, just trying to say how in my physical senses there has been nothing experienced).

I keep up with your posts weekly and I know you’ll tell me that if im noticing the absence im not in the state, that im dominantly still in lack, etc but I truly felt like I was fulfilled. I never check the 3D, I never even have “opposing” thoughts (since thoughts are an indicator of my state) so I thought for months that everything is fine. Even now I am prioritizing my state because I know that by writing this, I am being in an unfulfilled state, but im not sure what else to do. After a while it gets a little weird noticing it hasn’t reflected even though im fulfilled within. Am I doing anything wrong? I dont have a strong desire for my sp anymore because I worked a lot on myself and no longer need him, but I do wish to be with him still.

Thank you rem.

hi love! so im not in your brain, so i don't know every little thing you think/do throughout the day, so im gonna give u some examples of things i was accidentally doing whenever i was manifesting an sp that was keeping my 3d from reflecting, even tho i was sure i was 100% fulfilled. maybe you'll realize you're doing something similar and be able to stop it?

i'd prepare myself for what i'd say to my sp when he finally reached out, or i'd daydream about yelling at him when he did bc i knew before we got back together we'd have to talk about our past issues. this was contradicting the fact that i was manifesting already being in a relationship with my sp. why would i be identifying with those thoughts when i was already with my sp?

i like to daydream in order to fulfill myself, but sometimes i'd stop paying attention and accidentally slip into a state of longing without even realizing it. like i'd be daydreaming about something bc i desperately wanted to experience it in my reality, not because i was experiencing it in my 4D, if that makes sense. what i like to do to combat that is while im daydreaming i just like to tell myself that im re-living a memory and that im so happy this thing already happened/is happening. it helps me think from my desire instead of thinking of it!

my friends have shared that one of their mistakes while manifesting an sp was still wanting their sp to be missing them/obsessed with them/constantly thinking about how badly they wanted to be with them, daydreaming about scenarios of them being jealous, etc. this was making them identify with separation, when they really wanted to identify as their sp's partner.

similarly, an issue i had was focusing way too much on how my sp was feeling about me, instead of focusing on how i was feeling about them. when i'd daydream or imagine, i'd imagine them loving ME or confessing their feelings to ME, but then i realized that how i feel matters more than how they feel, because this is my reality! so instead i'd focus on how much i loved them and how amazing i felt being loved by them. that's why, as i mentioned in my most recent post, i changed from affirming "my sp loves me" to "i love my sp."

while manifesting my sp, i knew the first step of us getting back together would be him texting me, so every time i picked up my phone and i saw he hadn't texted me yet id feel sooo discouraged. what helped me with this was telling myself things like "ofc my sp didn't text me, he's literally in the same room as me why would he text me lol?" this would help me feel like we were already together!

i was still PISSED at my sp. idk what your story is with your sp, but mine was an ex, and i was mad at him for breaking up with me still. i had to forgive him because i was constantly holding onto that anger and fantasizing about yelling at him over it. this one might not apply to u depending on your relationship with your sp idk!

similarly, i'd find myself getting mad at my sp for not "conforming" to my affs? even tho he didn't even know i wanted him back? so once again i focused on feeling positively towards my sp and imagining how much i loved him. once i started focusing on the version of my sp that was such a good and loving and attentive boyfriend, he started showing up that way in my reality. remember, there is NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF! focus on changing how YOU feel about your sp instead of how he feels about you!

i know you say that you never feel negatively about your sp or your situation, but as i've mentioned in other posts, sometimes the feeling of knowing feels like nothing. so while you're noticing nothing is happening in your 3D, you can still be accepting the fact that nothing is happening without it giving you any negative emotions.

my advice would be to implement the distraction technique. this is what helped me finally manifest my sp. i had a favorite person attachment to my sp (bc of my bpd) so i was thinking of him ALL day long, and sometimes i wouldn't be paying enough attention to know if i was thinking of him from the state of the wish fulfilled, or from the state of lack. so instead, every time i thought of him at all (negatively or positively) i'd say "it is done" (which instantly shifted me into the state of the wish fulfilled) and then force myself to think of something else. so many of my followers have had success with this technique! this technique isn't necessary at all (you're 100% allowed to think of your sp) but i found it rlly helpful for my adhd brain. it can also be really helpful for you if you can't pinpoint what you're doing wrong!

i really hope this post was helpful to you!! <3 let me know if anything helped!

#asks

[jacksprostate]

Before Project Mayhem, before fight club, before Marla, before Tyler — there is still one sad sack of shit.

.

.

The hard part about work trips isn't making the plane or seeing another family of five burnt into their leather seats. It's missing support groups.

See, if you're lucky, the company will send you out to a major city. Cities are great. A little advanced work to find a slightly below average church or library, you're set each night you're there.

It's a bit of novelty, getting to be a new face all at once. People assume you've just been diagnosed. It's never the failed treatments, the degradation of their life and everyone in it, the continuous experience of knowingly dying — none of those things are the worst thing that happens to you.

It's finding out they will.

So people cry. They crowd around, I sob like I've been told I've got stage four colon cancer and three weeks to live. We all cry. I sleep soundly on the plane back or in the nice, four star hotel my company provides me.

Flying out to a small town, though. I'll be awake enough to be hallucinating by the time I get back for Remaining Men Together. The only mercy is that the next time I show for all the groups I missed, I can see who thought I died. I get to be resurrected.

The other part about small towns, you have to take a second, shitter plane to a local airfield, or you have to take a rental car. One of the most popular rental cars available right now, it'll light itself on fire if you use the cruise control at the wrong time. I know this because I sat next to another guy with my job, who worked for a different company, and he said I'll show you mine if you show me yours. So I told him about the faulty airbags, and he told me about the overheating switch.

I prefer to avoid driving.

All the rental place at the airport has left for me, it's one of those flaming cars. I use cruise control. If I don't, one of my narcoleptic spells will send me into the Jersey barrier.

When you drive into these small towns, you have to try to pay attention, or you'll end up a county over talking about the wrong wreck. They're otherwise interchangeable, but the miles on your rental car won't line up and those are the type of records that might get pulled out when the company is finally sued for the big one ten years down the line.

As a result, I see the same decor on the way in every time. Meth lab. Abandoned homes. Garbage fire. Classic Americana. There is no four star hotel here; I sleep the same.

The only reason I've been brought out here is because the poor shithead who drove his truck into the ditch drunk was driving my company's flagship vehicle. It loses power steering if the car jostles the right way going above 55 miles per hour. I've been told to keep track of potential incidents and make sure the company can firmly claim it's not at fault.

We've had this problem for decades, and we will for many more. Sometimes, everything is falling apart.

The job is simple, and I only get tempted by the town's blatant opioid addiction for a day and night. Painkillers would probably make me sleep. The thing about being a recall campaign organizer, though, is like recognizes like. It's not only other Compliance and Liability guys who tell you company secrets while sharing the aisle in business class.

When I'm finally back in my own town, after my own support groups, after crying my eyes out into Bob's meaty middle — I pick up my mail. There's the newest IKEA magazine. Half of it looks like shit. The type of thing you'd only see in some curated art deco, modernist, post-modern traditionalist bohemian minimalist apartment.

I have to have it.

I go to sleep, hard, like God himself tucked me in. I sleep with my wallet net four hundred heavier, because even an IKEA spree tends not to outweigh a work trip. I sleep, with my called in IKEA goods only two short weeks away, my job well done, and I know, my life is complete.

#fight club #my writing #KEY INFO: this is Before Tyler #bit experimental as a result. how to peel away some of the narratorisms but have him still be the narrator? how to make him complacent #like a wisconsin dairy cow but still have undertones of extreme conscious and subconscious distress? #all car faults mentioned are real #ford had an overheating cruise control switch #and some other overheating fire switches #and jeep. i know because i knew a guy with a jeep — they randomly lose pwoer steering sometimes #horrific and scary and potentially deadly in any car — but jeeps have this known and bizzarely widely accepted flaw called the death wobble #which refers to the oscillations that rapidly feed on each other if the car is slightly out of tune #and can result in tearing the steering wheel from your hands #until you slow down #for some reason that's just accepted. #theres a lot of jeep propaganda #anyway you combine those two #you get the picture #i dont doubt theres been incidents even if there hasnt been major recalls lol #i hope this one comes across well... it's always strange to explore an almost hypothetical version of a character. the narrator where Tyler #is just a growing little menace in his head.... #I think what made this one fun for me though is the narrator would still be pretty openly bleak I think but the SUBCONSCIOUS stuff. #especially all the stuff I implied at the end. very fun to write #and it was also just fun to lay down the like.... seeds. of things #this is before Tyler in the sense that it's before he was well cooked. Before they met. Etc. Pretty early into the support groups. But yk #he is sleeping.

[ladykailitha]

Oh For a Muse of Fire! Part 15

We are nearing the end, my lovelies. I have about one or two more parts to go (depending how far part 16 takes me) and then we’re done. Which makes me so sad. I love this story. It made me so happy. I don’t even know what sparked the idea.

I named it after a muse for three reasons. Steve becomes Eddie’s muse. Eddie becomes Steve’s muse. And my muse caught this story and refused to let go until I completed it.

Normally I have the next part completed before I put up a part (if I post part 8, I’ll have part 9 already done type thing), but I got a really bad migraine last night and didn’t finish part 16. I hope I’ll get it done today, but I’m not sure. So part 16 might not go up until late tomorrow or early Monday.

Also and this is important, lovelies: THE TAG LIST HAS OFFICIALLY REACHED MY LIMIT OF 50. ALL FUTURE REQUESTS FOR TAGS WILL BE IGNORED. Thank you!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9 Part 10  Part 11 Part 12  Part 13 Part 14

*

Steve was working with Crystal who was by far the chillest dude he had ever worked with. Bar none. Steve was pretty damn sure that he was stoned most of the time.

But since it didn’t affect his work, Diamond looked the other way.

Crystal and Steve got into a rhythm that got them a lot of attention. Steve’s showy style of bartending mixed with Crystal’s flare created quite the show.

After a particularly complex set of maneuvers, Diamond came over to Steve and patted him on the shoulder.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay?” Diamond asked, his voice rough with emotion. “You really are the heart of this team. You get along with everyone, you know how to put on a show, and you’re a great worker. I’d even triple your rate, man.”

Steve blushed. “As tempting as that sounds with that being more than I would make as a teacher...it’s what I want to do. I want to be that influence for good in teenagers that might not get that from anywhere else.”

Diamond gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You’re a good man, Garnet. Don’t let anybody change that.”

Steve grinned. “Thanks, Boss.” He ducked his head bashfully, scratching his cheek. “Besides it would be a disservice to my host teacher. He’s really put himself out on a limb for me.”

“You’re going to be a teacher, bro?” Crystal asked. “That’s pretty freaking amazing.”

“Art teacher,” Steve clarified.

“You draw, too?” Crystal murmured. “You’re going to do awesome!”

Steve just shook his head and got back to helping the next customer in line.

*

Steve and Eddie walked into class together bantering back and forth when Joyce came running to them both. She hugged them tight, one arm around each of them.

“I’m so glad you guys are safe!” she cried.

They hugged her back.

“I’m fine,” Eddie murmured. “Steve had my back.”

She pulled away and glared at Steve. “Jim said that you were trying to take on five boys with just your nail bat.”

Eddie mouthed ‘Jim?’

Steve mouthed back ‘Hopper.’

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up.

“I was just stalling for time until Hop showed up with reinforcements,” he promised Joyce.

“I really wish you wouldn’t get into fights like that,” she admonished gently. “You know how much it scares Jim.”

Steve shook his head, holding up his hands placatingly. “I wasn’t fighting, honest. I was just stalling for time like I said. I tapped him twice on the back of his heavy letterman jacket as a warning and nothing else.”

Joyce’s face softened. “If you’re sure?”

“I can attest to the fact that Steve just danced around the guy and never engaged directly,” Eddie said, putting himself a little forward to place himself between Joyce and Steve.

She looked back and forth between them and sighed. “I’m glad everything turned out well then.”

As Steve and Eddie walked to take their places, Eddie said, “You are giving me the complete rundown of everything I did not understand in that conversation over coffee and you’re paying.”

Steve laughed. “Fair enough!”

*

“That was by far the most confusing conversation I have ever been in,” Eddie said after taking a sip of his black coffee. “And that includes the time my guidance counselor told me that after three times I was actually graduating from high school.”

Steve chuckled. “What do you want to know?”

Eddie laced his fingers together and rested his chin on them, using his elbows to prop him up. “Why does Joyce Byers know the chief of police well enough to call him by what I am assuming his given name?” He batted his eyelashes at Steve.

Steve raised an eyebrow and took a long sip of his iced coffee. “Because they’ve been dating for years?” He gave a little half shrug.

Eddie’s eyes widened. “How the hell did I not know that?”

Steve pursed his lips and then licked them slowly. “They don’t like people to know usually. The only reason I know is because Hop was the FBI liaison after my attack and Joyce was acting as my parental advocate until I turned eighteen.”

“Huh.”

“Anything else you want to know?” Steve asked.

“You lied to me pretty boy,” Eddie began. “You said you couldn’t beat Nick if he chose to start a fight.”

Steve laughed. “I said a fist fight. I can’t even begin to tell you how many of those I’ve lost.”  

Eddie tilted his head thoughtfully. “So then why did both Joyce and Hopper admonish you like you’d done this kind of shit before?”

Steve ducked his head to hide the flushing of his cheeks. “I’m not sure how much you remember about what I was saying to Jason and his gang. You were pretty terrified out of your mind.”

“Which part are we talking about?” Eddie asked. “You goading Jason for not being able to swing properly or before that?”

Steve laughed again. “Before that, when Robin threw me the bat?”

Eddie ran his tongue over his teeth slowly. “Something about it being an anti-homophobe bat?”

“That’s the one,” Steve said with a grin. “I take it to Pride festivals and LGBTQ+ events to ward off assholes like Jason and his gang. Sometimes it takes more than just swinging it around to get them to back the fuck off.”

Eddie put his hands flat on the table. “How the hell have you not been arrested?!” He leaned forward into Steve’s space.

Steve pushed him playfully. “My notoriety and my relationship with Chief Hopper, if I’m honest. It’s the only time that’s ever worked out in my favor. But now I’ve got a reputation for taking on homophobes.”

“That is objectively the most hilarious thing I’ve heard,” Eddie said, sitting back down.

Steve grinned. “Yeah, I like to think of it as karma if I’m honest.”

“Steve Harrington, the avatar of vengeance, is that it?” Eddie asked, in all seriousness.

“I never intended to be,” Steve defended. “It just worked out that way.”

“Uh huh.” Eddie winked at him.

Steve looked down at the table and rubbed a finger along the surface. “Since we’re answering questions. Can you answer one for me?”

Eddie’s expression became guarded. “You want to know why Jason Carver was playing ‘hunt the freak’?”

Steve nodded. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Eddie reached across the table and lifted Steve’s chin. “It’s okay. I want to tell you. It’s just not my story to tell.”

Steve cocked his head to the side. “Chrissy.” It wasn’t even a question.

Eddie nodded. “He seems to labeling under the delusion that I turned her gay.”

Steve started laughing and couldn’t stop. Eddie tried to not join in, but one side-eyed look at him and he was busting up, too.

“God are all straights this stupid?” Steve asked when he was able to catch his breath.

Eddie grinned. “No, just too many of them.”

“Fair enough,” Steve said returning the grin.

*

Eddie noticed the dwindling number of students the closer they got to the last day of class. Soon it was down to Steve and a couple other students.

“Hey, Joyce,” he said, bounding up to her after class. He was waiting for Steve to finish cleaning up.

“Hey, Eddie!” she greeted cheerfully. “How are you doing?”

“I’m great,” he replied and then pursed his lips. “So I was wondering where all the other students have gone?”

Joyce frowned for a minute. “Oh! I guess I forgot to tell you. When the students finish their final they don’t have to keep coming to class.”

He rocked back on his heels. “Oh. So Steve hasn’t finished his final yet?”

Joyce giggled but quickly covered her mouth to stifle it. Eddie glared at her.

“No, sweetheart,” she said fighting to keep her smile in check. “He turned it last week.”

Eddie frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He stays because he wants to spend time with you.”

He turned to where Steve was cleaning his paint brushes and then back to her. “So what is he working on if not his final?”

She gave him a half shrug. “I would assume a personal project.”

Eddie hummed. “You don’t find it weird that he’s still painting me nude?”

“Why? Do you?” Joyce asked with a raised eyebrow.

He ducked his head and blushed. “I mean, it’s flattering. But at the same time...I don’t know. I feel seen I guess.”

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I can see that both of you are so smitten with each other, I don’t understand why you two aren’t together.”

Just then Steve came up and put his hand on Eddie’s lower back. “Hey, Eds. I’m done. You about ready to go?”

Eddie nodded and let him lead him away from Joyce as they both waved goodbye.

Once they were out on the pavement, Eddie asked. “So Joyce was telling me that you already finished your final.”

Steve grinned. “Yep! It’s going into the art show they have for all the graduating art students. You should totally come.”

“Does that mean that people are going to be staring at my naked ass all day?” Eddie teased.

Steve laughed. “Well there will be a 18+ area that little kiddies aren’t allowed to go into. But, yeah those that want to will be able to see you in all your naked glory.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, all right. I’ll be there. If only to see Karens clutching at their pearls at the mere thought of nudity near their precious children.”

Steve laughed again. “I can’t wait for you to see my painting.”

“I’m excited too,” Eddie agreed. “But you know I’ve got to ask...”

“Why I haven’t just not come to class like everyone else?” he asked and Eddie nodded. “I know it might come off a little creepy but I just liked spending time with you. And I know that you’re working hard on your music and trying to get a record deal and technically I could just meet you after class and go for coffee, but I just–”

Eddie grabbed Steve’s arms and said firmly. “Steve.”

Steve finally took a breath.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured. “You were starting to spiral again. You need to take a breath, okay.”

Steve nodded and then ducked his head between his hunched shoulders. “I just didn’t want you to think I was being all creepy and gross about wanting to continue to paint you after my turned in my assignment.”

Eddie frowned, wondering where this was coming from. And then it hit him. The very first thing he had thrown at Steve that first day of class was that he had only taken it because he was there to leer at the model.

He gently cupped Steve’s cheek. “Oh, Stevie. I know you’re not like that. I’m flattered, okay?”

Steve leaned into Eddie’s touch. “Okay,” he breathed.

“I was only curious, no judgment.” Eddie pulled him in for a hug and Steve just melted into his embrace. “Come on, let’s go get that coffee, huh?”

Steve nodded and reluctantly let go. Only to be pleasantly surprised when Eddie slung his arm around his shoulder.

And if Steve leaned into it, that was no one’s business but his. And maybe Eddie’s, too.

Part 16  Part 17  Epilogue

Tag List: @artiststarme @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @itsall-taken @m-owo-n @zerokrox-blog @runyousillydetective @grimmfitzz @wonderland-girl143-blog @sapphirecobalt-1 @scheodingers-muppet @victor-thee-corvid @apricottree @bookbinderbitch @sleepyboosstuff @biatcgh @pixiefallingupthestairs @grtwdsmwhr @thepainisspicy @carlyv @eboyawstenn @bisexualdisastersworld @bidisastersworld @abstractnaturaldisaster @evix-syne666 @nerdsconquerall @lololol-1234 @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @a-little-unsteddie @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @elluminis @tailsfromthecrypt @danili666 @plyerice27 @alittlegreyfish  @n0-1-important @no-upper-limit-to-stupidity @maya-custodios-dionach @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @heaven428 @thedragonsaunt @ceaselessly-watching @imfinereallyy @messrs-weasley @sharingisntkaren @nohomoyesbi

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #art school au #gay steve harrington #bisexual eddie munson #ladykailtiha writes

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

a couple of years back i was pretty vocal about not getting when people complained about their art not getting "enough" notes. but i'm getting to recognise a sub-category of that frustration these days that, in fairness, was maybe what people were talking about all along? but i've also seen other posts mention how fandom spaces feel changed since the last few years, so maybe it's a new thing or at least a thing that hadn't reached my fandom corner until now.

i truly don't mind if my writing doesn't garner a lot of attention (although i say this from a place of priviledge where my writing has so far always garnered some attention, and often a lot more than i anticipated). but what is really starting to grate a little is the amount of attention vs. the amount of reaction. For example, before the latest update on my big multichapter fic, it sat at ~ 33,050 hits. since then the fic has been clicked 400 times. the kudos count went up by maybe three and there were three new bookmarks - this isn't super surprising because i don't expect to be reaching a lot of new people with an unfinished 100+k word fic in a dwindling fandom, and if they're return readers they can't leave new kudos. but five people have commented on the fic since the update. One percent of readers who have clicked on this fic have reacted. Did all these people see it on the recently updated feed, started to read it, didn't vibe with it and moved on? That honestly wouldn't bother me. But it's been steadily gaining attention for the last few weeks, long after it moved off the first page of the recently updated view for the fandom. so rather, I think it's mostly subscribed users (the fic has a little over 400 active subscriptions so that would make sense) or people actively checking back on the fic. in which case they must be at least somewhat invested in it.

and again, i'm not owed any feedback. i put my work out for free and people decide what to do with that. but fandom is a collaborative space, and it's been feeling like less that for a while. people seem less ready for conversation, and i think that's sad, and quite demoralising for creatives (at least for me personally). fandom work isn't meant as bingeable content that you consume and then leave. if you do that on netflix, that's fine, because you're paying the platform and they're at least supposed to recompense the creatives who made the show you just watched. fandom artists don't get that. we make things for the love of it, and because we wanted to share that love. it doesn't feel like sharing though when you put something out there and nothing comes back. it feels like standing in an empty warehouse telling my stories to nobody. and, again, i'm personally lucky enough that it's not like that all the time, but i get why people stop doing it. and i get that engaging with art as an audience member doesn't come easy to everyone, but fandom culture needs it. it's supposed to be an exchange. it's supposed to go both ways, and i think if you want to sustain the culture, you simply need to try and give something back, whatever that is.

because putting something you made out there and nobody looks at it is definitely not a great feeling, but having anonymous masses file by and look at your thing and then meet you with deafening silence feels... worse.

#again i cannot overstate how much this doesn't go for all my readers #and how lucky i am to still have anyone care about fics i started seven years ago i do get that #but yeah the engagement ratios have changed i think? #and it's on tumblr too and not just with art also just like. observations and meta posts and jokes and stuff #people like and reblog your thing but there's no comment no little smileys in the tags no silly ramblings just... #my new favourite pet peeve is seeing people asking for advice or asking a question and there's like fifty likes and not one reply or reblog #what are you supposed to do with that #yeah idk it's supposed to be collaborative right #and we can't all collaborate all the time but i feel like people used to interact with maybe 50 percent of the things they saw #and now it's like 10 #anyway #fandom #tbd

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 12/01/2024

9​来​4s

Season 2

Featured on: THE SILVAGUNNER CHRISTMAS COMEBACK CRISIS ORIGINAL SOUNDTRAXX: vol. 1

Ripped by dante

Uh, so, hi, everyone. I'm going to apologize ahead of time if this post reads a bit more shakily, a bit less structured than what it maybe usually does. I always have a timeline of rips to cover over the week laid out ahead of time, and was really not expecting to cover 9​来​4s as part of it - I thought, naively, that today would just be a day like any other, one more on the pile. I wake up, get dressed, check the SiIvaGunner YouTube feed - and almost collapse onto the floor in shock.

The Christmas Comeback Crisis is back. Ten hours from the point of writing this sentence, the eleventh episode of the main SiIvaGunner storyline will premiere on YouTube.

I don't think I've ever done an effective job of conveying to people just how much the Christmas Comeback Crisis means to me. Sure, rips that I love are one thing, with those you can understand what I'm talking about with just a listen yourself. But the Christmas Comeback Crisis series is so difficult to truly appreciate without the knowledge, the memories and attachment to the channel from having been with it the whole time. To me, it marked the point where all of SiivaGunner's potential as a narrative, all of the loose threads of lore and jokes, all of those feelings of joy and sadness and comradery that flew like sparks throughout Season 1s 9-month run, were distilled into a streamlined narrative. It felt as if a bunch of stray thoughts were finally put to paper, a world envisioned by all of SiIva's viewers finally envisioned with an engrossing conflict and beautiful art. And it felt to me like the team themselves knew just how golden the idea they'd landed on was, as the scope of the storyline quickly expanded from just Christmas of 2016 to eventually enveloping the entirety of Season 2's run.

The final core episode of the Christmas Comeback Crisis released at the tail end of Season 2, on Christmas Day. That is to say, December 25th, 2017. It is currently January 12th 2024 - six years, two weeks, and four days have passed, as the main story of the channel has remained in limbo. When I watched that episode, live on the date of upload, I was still a teenager. I've followed the channel since, still immensely invested, still closely following and paying attention to the lore introduced since - the Side Stories and Haltmann's Archives of Season 3 and Season 4: Episode 1, the King for Another Day Tournament and its fallout across both episodes of Season 4, the many misadventures of Wood Man across Season 5, having seemingly left the Christmas Comeback Crisis canon altogether to explore different worlds where he could have fun with little consequence - only for it all to come crashing down on him in Season 6. After all of that time, all of that buildup, after Season 7 has already been one of the channel's all-around, best-ever years - the cherry on top has landed. Episode 11.

Beyond the lore, the world, the artwork, the storyline, the characters, and the community that's supported it all, what has held the Christmas Comeback Crisis together for me and many others has been the sheer passion present in all those aspects - including, of course, its outstanding soundtrack. I've talked about it before with voiceless, with 時の回廊 ＜ver. CCC＞, with vlEP, and now here - but dante is, genuinely, an *exceptionally* talented musician, possibly my favorite amidst the entire SiIvaGunner team, and he has been completely outdoing himself on the Christmas Comeback Crisis' soundtrack since the day it first began - his music, remixes, arrangement, and overall sound direction has breathed a kind of energy and life into the story that's immersed me in ways I could never have expected.

9​来​4s plays during Episode 8 of the Christmas Comeback Crisis, An Acrimonious Assault - which sort of marked a point of no return for the series. After the 6th episode, Advent of Hell, just barely managed to release during Christmas of 2016, and the 7th episode, Loves the Ladies, released four entire months later due to expressed production issues, it felt like the team had officially realized just how big the project was getting. Yet, despite the woes that the 7th episode had presented, the team pushed on - and the series continued until the end of the year. That energy, that hype and love for the channel, is echoed all throughout 9​来​4s, and it's a feeling I haven't truly felt since that Season that the series once ended during.

At least, that's what I once said. Because now, *we are so fucking back.*

#todays siivagunner #season 2 #siivagunner #siiva #dante #soundcirclet #christmas comeback crisis #siivagunner ccc #siivagunner lore #lore #hiroyuki sawano #guilty crown #Youtube #Bandcamp

[rtofbs]

Sun conjunct Venus in signs: personal impressions

note: this will be a post of personal observations and feelings about the people I know IRL and on the internet. please note that i'm not a professional astrologer, and just I just love astrology the way you do. take what resonates, and i'd love to hear your comments and feedback.

Based on real life: 1. Sun and Venus in Leo always stands out from the crowd somehow. Her presence is very visible, even when she is trying to stay low key. Life of the party, supports the vibe and has positive attitude towards life, and very funny. Generous to a fault. Very caring, and does everything at her power to ensure that her family is safe. Sometimes intimidating, and exudes the energy of raw power. Loyal. Gift-gifting is definitely their love language.

2. Sun and Venus in Cancer might sound cliche, but is very family oriented, and this attachment to family might be transferred to the family's close friends.. Loves to visit and chill with family. Dreams of having baby and having a reliable husband, and help the vulnerable ones. Might seem emotionally closed off or even cold.

3. Sun and Venus in Virgo is the queen of multi-tasking, budget planning, and management. She has the vibes of high demand, high maintenance, high pay off. Prone to overthinking and suffering from low self-esteem, making them overly critical of everything. Very emotional and funny. Rational to a fault. Virgos are the queens of the chaos for me.

4. Sun and Venus in Scorpio is loyal. Sometimes it feels like these people scan people around themselves to find like-minded ones, and once found - they get attached to them for a life, thus making some kind of ride-or-die coalition. Don't like to talk a lot about personal stuff, even if they are overly chatty people. Emotional, sometimes to the point of obsession. Can't handle break-ups even with friends, it might hurt their ego, making them hate themselves. Protective and private. Trust issues. Also love comfy and chill vibes with loved ones, and very sweet to them.

5. Sun and Venus in Taurus exude calm confidence. People with a great skill to make themselves comfortable wherever they are, and if they can't get comfortable - they leave the place. They are the ones who can make relationship last longer, as they are not the ones to give up. Big foodies, big fashionistas, big money makers, and huge sex lovers - love everything that brings them sensation, comfort, and chill. Caring to a fault. Males with these placements in my experience respect and love women and femininity in general, and approach all themes related with extra caution and attention.

Based on the internet:

Sun and Venus in Aries - the bright and assertive ones. It feels like that they hella passionate in whatever they do and in their likes, and in most cases they will follow their passion. Sometimes feisty to a fault. Might get overly sexualised, and struggle from harassment. Again, the ones that it's not possible to ignore, because usually they make some statements by being themselves.

Sun and Venus in Pisces gives off hopeless romantic vibes with some sadness, sorrow and unavailability around them. Sometimes it feels like they want to reach the stars they were born never to reach. Kind of in a search for something deeper and meaningful. Artistic, and are able to convey their feelings in art. Also, very emotional.

I feel like Sagittarius Sun with Sagittarius Venus, Gemini Sun with Gemini Venus, Capricorn Sun with Capricorn Venus, and Libra with Libra Suns are not quite common positions in my radar. If you have some observations about these placements, please let me know 🧸

Thank you

#astrology observation #astrology notes #astro notes #astro placements #astro observations #astro thoughts #zodiac #astrology signs #natal chart

[freebooter4ever]

Geno collection part 2: quick doodles version. I’ve been holding off on posting this one because i wanted to write my usual yearly blurb summary underneath but i’ve been struggling to put it into words which is a new one for loquacious me. What to say about geno…

Normally i’m very logical about my favorites - i know exactly why i picked them and there's a list of reasons. This time left me confused. One minute i’m insisting i’m not going to root for pittsburgh, even though its my city, and i'll only do ONE drawing of sid as a homage. But then there's this photo of some dude sitting on the boards in a blue jersey - you can’t even see his face it’s all about the Attitude and his posture - and it’s the most compelling hockey photo i’ve seen yet. Who is this guy, how the fuck is he so sexy, he's just SITTING, he's not even skating? And then i find out his name (and whoops it’s that guy i already decided to hate, guess i have to rethink my snap decision), and then i start noticing things. And noticing more things, and reading old blogs, and more, and more…

And next thing i know ive got over 271 doodles in my sketchesdone folder, and a favorite that was never supposed to be a favorite, and also a new sculpting project.

So. Why? his expressions are a joy to draw. he looks like he escaped from an animated film. He's got that elusive quality where half of what i want to draw is physical and the other half is in his movements, and body language, and personality. It drives me crazy because i am terrible at capturing that second half so i’m never fully happy with any of my doodles. That glow of personality, the look in his eyes - how the fuck do you draw that? I don’t know.

His body alone is also interesting - unique proportions. He's long, with lots of muscle, but also soft? I could cry over it probably. Actually i just study, and study, and want to throw my computer at the wall when i get it wrong in my art yet again for the thousandth time.

He's funny. But he's sneaky about it. If you dont pay much attention he seems like this kind of slapstick guy. But underneath the surface goofball he almost miserly keeps to himself how sly his humor can be. You get the feeling that he doesn't miss much, even if he doesn't comment on it. Yet even that's hilarious - how in some interviews it's obvious he's mentally checked out. All so you're thrown for a loop when in other interviews he's the most vivacious guy in the room. Which is the real evgeni? only he knows. :P well, and obviously the lucky few who know him personally.

I have a small confession. I’ve been sending him art. Look - the missing the playoffs thing happened - and i was suddenly overcome with concern that they might not get as much fanmail as usual. And that was so sad. And then i realized i had all these drawings. And a printer. I could send fanmail. (i have only sent famail once before. this was a very anxiety inducing undertaking) Normally i don’t like the subject of my art seeing my art, it’s just supposed to be for us. But i carefully picked out each drawing - mostly the ones that were more badass or powerful in the traditionally masculine sports sense. I definitely avoided any of the thirsty ones (duh) and tried not to use any of the more personal ones of his face where it was obvious i was just drawing him instead of him as a hockey star. And tried to be respectful and desperately hoping my art wouldn’t accidentally insult him somehow or be inappropriate. i have zero idea if i succeeded and it only worries me sometimes.

So there you go. The year of geno.  \o/ nothing in this list has any logic to it

#really i have no other excuse it must be magic #this is the gas leak year except it's just me discovering evgeni malkin for the first time despite living in the same city for a decade #2023 #seriously i had SO MANY drawings to choose from this year #and it's all of his face #im gonna get into hockey i said #im gonna use hockey action shots to practice anatomy and gesture i said #and then i go and draw genos face 100 times just so i can learn things like the exact angle of his cheekbones #so useful #his bottom lip is my kryptonite

[asterefflores]

I saw the post about angst in your story. I want to put a comment but mine might be just too long and this app is just not ready for it xD, so I drop it here.

For me, the angst in ur story tilts towards the darker side. It's not just sad, unhappy stuff. I don't know how to articulate it in human language (istg), but I find it remarkably balanced and just feels right. It feels fitting, somehow.

Each arc in your story unfolds at the perfect moment, revealing itself in due course (what am i talking about). Tbh, your story might be considered heavy. I said this numerous times already (maybe) but I love the world-building in it (even tho my brain needs to restart every time).

The characters' backgrounds and the reasons why they are in their current state are intriguing. Moreover, although you introduce certain angsts, what I admire is that you never dwell on them excessively. They are relatable, logical, and not exaggerated or cringe-worthy. They are in the right amounts.

It's like, the story holds multiple layers of surprises each time you unveil the answers to the readers' questions of "why." Also, the angst within goes beyond than just sadness, contain/hiding various emotions and elements of irony.

I remember how the other readers and I went crazy (for fun) with theories in the comments when it was first revealed that Cale had a connection to the Secret Kingdom. We all anticipated something light and fluffy, but oh my goodness, jahahshfhf it took a darker turn that caught us off guard in the most unexpected moment. I love that aspect, and the transitions between each arc are incredibly smooth.

I also love every one of your original characters, (wait you already knew this ajshfkh) but duh, I've never had this much love or enthusiasm for fanfic before. I have a huge crush on your art and writing. It's therapeutic for me to see and read them. Thank you for the artwork and stories, even your daily shenanigans at your office @Xwitter are entertaining to follow up. Love isn't enough to describe how fascinated I am with your work.

I know, I throwing so many compliments for you on this one. I can't help it. I hope you don't mind🧍🏻‍♀️if you mind, I'd still going to do it. So I hope you still don't mind.

Please have a good day 🍀 (Please rest...)

I like to keep the characters realistic with logical responses in any case according to their traits and their back stories and whatnot, I don't like dwelling on anything too much in the plot, sure the angst part is important but if used too much it'll ruin the story not only for readers but also for me lol, it'll feel like I'm forcing it on the characters when, logically thinking, they wouldn't stay depressed for long or behave in certain dramatic ways, based on the way their brain works and all.

And yeah, well, my fanfic was indeed meant to be simple at first you know, but I naturally turn any plot I write heavy and dark with time, and it gets worse gradually but I try to hold back and be reasonable before I mess up at some point lolol

I didn't know you find my transitions between each arc smooth, I'm really happy and thank you for letting me know, all this time I stare at my stories and ask myself "Are there even arcs? Isn't it all a mess? Does anyone notice the transition? Is there even a transition?" Then laugh at my own writing and say it is what it is and keep writing anyway while confident that I'm doing everything wrong somehow XD

And you know, when I introduced OCs in my fanfic I was very sure no one gonna care or pay attention to their parts (except maybe my close friend lol) so I'm really glad to see some readers come to love them eventually, though I think Tristan is getting most love than the rest but that's expected considering his character and his role with Roksoo and Cale lol, I expected many readers would hate his role as their father but now the majority is cheering for him xDD

About my office shenanigans, you just made me recall how my followers on Instagram used to like and anticipate my stories about my daily life at work lolol I didn't think anyone would find joy in them also on twitter/X but glad you enjoy my comical work life 🤝🏻

Lastly, ofc I don't mind, at all, you don't know how many times I read your message and made me smile the whole time, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me 💕💕💕

And I'm trying to rest, I think I'm resting— ok, the fact I don't even know if I'm resting says enough lol but I'm working on it *cough

Thank you again and take care you too, have a good day 🌸🌸

[sleepywitchlory]

Regarding reposting and use of my screenshots and arts

It should be clear for everyone, still I see I need to mention it out loud. And what I’m saying now doesn’t count only for me but for other users too.

Am I allowed to repost screenshots I see on the internet?

No. You can’t take a screenshot/artwork you see and like, save it and repost it somewhere else like Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram etc. You have to do a little more work than that. Remember. Simple reposting can make the owner feel uncomfortable, and we don’t want that.

1 - does the creator allows reposts?

Most creator tell you in their bio if they allow it or not, like here:

If you see this, you’re not allowed.

But there’s nothing in their bio! So they should be fine with it?!

No. In this case you have to ask for permission. How this works? Slide in the creators DMs and ask friendly with informations for what you want to use it, where you want to post it. Then - wait for the creators reply. And when they reply there are two options that could happen:

„Yes, sure“ and „no, I don’t want it“.

Important is: RESPECT IT. The creator is the owner of this work. When they don’t allow you to use their work, it’s hard. I know. But you have to respect it.

But when they allow me to use it, I can use it without any other problems, right?

No. You still have to give credits to the original creator. You’re just allowed to use it. It’s not yours. And it doesn’t matter if it’s on the internet or not. It’s. Not. Your. Own. Art.

And that I even have to mention this is sad but: Do NOT repost Commissions.

Commissions were created for one special person. This person payed money to get this commission done. So as soon as a creator says „commission xy“ you’re not allowed to repost it. Surely you can still always ask. But most creators and owner won’t allow you this.

February 6, 2024:

Without further ado, I officially am also declaring that my work is not allowed to get reposted unless I allow it.

Thanks for attention, needed to mention this. Help to make the internet a better place for every creator. ✨

#reposts #artists on tumblr #Artist #creator #is reposting allowed #hogwartslegacy #sebastian sallow #harrypotter #hogwartslegacymc #hogwarts #wizardingworld #slytherin #sebastiansallow #ominis gaunt #ominisgaunt

[unsleepingtales]

Cursed out! What an ep!

Thinking about the Lucy/Gorgug parallels post and rotating them. In my head

Bakur art????

Aelwynnnnn

Ah they have leveled up!

Cottoncandy bitchfuck <3

Kipperlilly is independently wealthy ok

If Adaine could charge for her oracle duties that would be great

Adaine hates her SO much

I love the close up shot of Siobhan’s hand

I love Brennan glancing over at Ally to let them know that they need to pay attention to this next part before mentioning the divine stuff

The Abernant Sisters are everything to me <3

Even when you were being evil you were at least interesting and cool!

Aelwyn you gotta take care of yourself pls

HECTOR

And people are dying or something?

Loam Farm. Ok so the issue wasn’t with the faire, it was with the former venue?

Were they framed to get the faire to change venues?

Summoning a demon. Just another thing.

Riz is SO done

“You’re getting a+s and you’re killing all your extracurriculars so where is the stress coming from”???? Sklonda. Sklonda! Cmon. You had to have heard yourself say that.

Keep my name out of your mouth 💀💀💀 they are MARRIED

Sorry what

It’s called the moonar yulenear? That’s what the midwinter holiday in solace is called?

Ally ASCENDING

November (if that’s what month it is)

Brennan SO meant for Riz to be running

Lolaaaaa

Of course Riz is going to Loam Farm.

Maximum legend!

Ratgrinders group art!!

FIG HAS OFFICIALLY TAKEN TWO LEVELS OF PALADIN

Hallariel!!

Ally continues to be great at blending rp and mechanics

Hmmmm Kristen going to fallinel. Thoughts.

That’s so sad actually

Zac is SO smart

Your drama’s beautiful and I think it’s really gorgeous but I do think that Fig is fully cursed

God they’re insane I love them so much

Mazey!!

It’s just an orifice

I love that little hands moment with the friends <3 I could pick your hands out of a lineup they are calloused and freckled and I love you

I’m wearing a sports bra and a g string and I want to be closer to all of you!!

He really tried to figure out a way to politely decline a bardic and he couldn’t

Mazey are you okay??

Oh god

The vice principal can’t leave a certain distance from the school??

There’s gotta be a way to get Ayda in on this

Awwwww

Wild that student government only has one elected position?? How are all the other positions chosen??? I was on student gov for six years and I had to run every time?

Brennan is thrilled with them

Shoutout to Zac for using proper over-under cable coiling technique while miming

Tragic this is devastating

She doesn’t need to die she’s gonna pass on the position at the end of the year??

Jealousy surrounds me. (The most serious she’s been all day)

FABIANNNNN

Stop bringing him UP

“When you think about me why do you always bring up the ball?” Onesided fabriz truthers are having a field day rn

Mazeyyyyyy you care so so much

He wanted to live with his family I’m gonna cry

Hmm. Convincing.

From the man who dabbed at a school assembly we now bring you the revival of pwned

Bro she likes you

Paperweight boggy!

It’s a whole thing

Oh god

Summer god domain changed to more fire stuff regarding rage?

Not my circus not my monkeys 😭😭

Five from 2d10 😭

Whyyyyyy are you giving a speech to the middle schoolers. WHY

Sandra Lynn and Jawbone’s art makes me so happy

This little bitch ass cat >:(

Lydia Barkrock I love you forever and ever

D&D is so cool D&D IS SO COOL

Also science :)

Paladin Fig!

No that’s the curse babes

Yeah

Fig is super fucking cursed

They literally tagged their notebooks with the ratgrinder sticker !

It’s not his place to feel wrathful. Oh my god he’s. Something.

Oh GOD

Yolanda WAS neutral though that was the whole POINT she gave up any relationship to a deity in order to better teach clerics!! The token she gave Kristen was all about divine power and relationships despite lack of a god!!

Stay the fuck away from her brother

(Ally mumbling threateningly)

Step off buddy. Step Away.

Oooh why is that dc that way

Oh yeah but that has nothing to do with Fig

FUCK YEAH OATH OF ANCESTORS I love paladin mechanics so fucking much guys

Ey?? Zara and Porter?

Fig how many fucking parents are you gonna get

THANK YOUUUUUUU I love paladin mechanics I love devotion to a friend I love getting literal magic from love and devotion and a promise

This is sooooo leading towards Fig becoming a paladin of Bakur’s deity.

Ally and Lou’s reactions 😭

GIRLYPOP WHATTTT

Murph face

Ruben seems genuinely upset about Lucy

Why is that your email address

Do you want me to get you a phone????????

A card that says thinking of you but fig signs it from gorgug 😭 I’m gonna cry

ITS SHAPED LIKE A LITTLE METAL BRIEFCASE 😭😭😭

You absolute sweetie 🥰

What a choice!

Ohhh Fabian. Fabian misses his dad. Ouch.

Wild art imitating life moment bc we were just talking about getting hit in the tattoo

Oh goddddddd rage tokens

They would do anything for each other

The gleam in Brennan’s eye……..

Oh nooooo

(Emily laughing sadistically)

You made that so terrible for yourself and you did not have to.

Oh my GOD

Ok chill out man

Ok next week looks fun. The return of Baron. That’s chill.

#fantasy high junior year #reactions #verbal component

[fanterfane]

The State of FanterFane, Now in ADHD!~

HEY YA'LL!

That's something I do now I guess, I say "YA'LL"! Either way, It's time for the first status update since the BIG ONE earlier this year. If you don't remember it or you're new, firstly, welcome, secondly, you can read it here: https://www.deviantart.com/fanterfane/journal/The-State-of-FanterFane-950469980. A lot of what I said here I'm still struggling with, and probably always will be, so it's still relevant. I've been told that several people have been recommended that post by Patreon because of it's high engagement, so I feel especial need to give the algorithm something better to serve. Also, this post is mainly about my struggles with ADHD, but it has other things and status updates sprinkled throughout. If you or someone you know has ADHD, I hope this helps!

For the sake of brevity though, I'll do a TL:DR right here. I developed carpal tunnel two months ago, and I've been working on treating it. It's been going pretty good lately, especially now that I finally have gotten my hands on ADHD medication after my long time lack thereof. As such, I've become much more productive and much, much happier! Things are looking up for me, and I'm hopeful for the future! Social acceptance for who I am now is still sometimes rough, but going better. SFW commissions have done wonders for my mental health, and I have plans for new art projects, commission queues, and more to try and do. I hope that you'll all continue to be the thing I get up for in the morning as I work to accomplish them! I'll be going on vacation next week, and I hope you all have a great summer!

Now for the super long part I don't fault anyone for NOT reading, here we go!

Earlier this year, it felt like I was spiraling down an unrecoverable path. Things I tried to do just wouldn't materialize. I would identify a problem like "My car is dirty" or "My room is messy" or even just "I should read and respond to this DM" and instead of working to solve it my anxiety would start up and make it so that I put it off. What if I messed it up? I was always so tired too, I just felt emotionless whenever I didn't feel sad. What if I just didn't deserve it anyway? What if all of this is a mistake? Those sorts of questions would plague me no matter what, preventing me from solving the very things giving me anxiety spiraling into even more anxiety. It was dumb, but mental health quite often is. It was getting so bad, that writing dialog and even just reading things started feeling like an anxiety induced dyslexic impossibility. For the longest time I assumed it was just depression, and that it would get better with time, but it hasn't over the years. Instead, it's only gotten worse year over year.

Now, I always get a little bit depressed every winter. Seasonal depression gets me down every year without fail, but this year was quite a bit more intense. The struggle between the two lives I live was really getting to me. I'd been doing ever more and more introspection, and discovering all the ways the way I was raised screwed me up definitely didn't help. Repressed memories often have a reason for being repressed. It doesn't help when the people you want to love you the most are the least supportive in your life, and might have even been partly the cause of some of your more unhealthy tendencies. Regardless of their intentions.

A big part of this issue though, I think at least, is that I've been unmedicated for my ADHD since High School. I stopped taking it as a Sophomore because I felt like I was smart enough to pass school without it, and that it wasn't helping me. The stigma against stimulants and medication in general was a big part of that decision. I was not self-aware enough at the time to realize that almost immediately my attention started suffering. It started slowly, too slowly for me to realize it at the moment, but gradually it became harder and harder to pay attention to class work over the years. It got so bad that in order for me to NOT fall asleep during class, I'd doodle on my classwork cause it kept me stimulated enough to stay awake. I'd always made good grades though, so I coasted through highschool on information osmosis and went on to community college, where it really started to catch up with me. Although again, I didn't realize it.

In community college, I had a couple of bad classes that really jarred me. Physics and Calculus. Physics was hard because the teacher was bad at teaching it, and 75% of that class failed the final, so I don't feel very bad about it. But the calculus class though, was the first time I'd ever felt like I'd failed myself in a class. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand the derivatives they tried to teach me. I passed, barely, but that was one of the times where I think my ADHD caught up to me, even if I didn't realize it. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a sign of things to come.

Once I got out of community college, I took a gap year between it and a longer stay at a university. During that time, I started trying to work on art more and more as a hobby. I started drawing possession, corruption, femboys, all that sorta  wonderful stuff. Then Covid hit. My gap year turned to two, and suddenly that was long enough for me to have started an actual *career* doing this. Which was beyond crazy to me. It motivated me to no end, I wanted nothing more than to create and have fun creating for all my followers.

In the end though, my ADHD caught up to me. Like it always does. Once the initial honeymoon phase was over, and I settled into the hum and drum of being an online digital artist, it reared its head again.

You see, ADHD is not something that goes away. You may not think about it, but it's always there. ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, potentially being renamed soon to the ASD spectrum, is a mental disorder affecting the brain's dopamine pathway. People with ADHD struggle because they have less dopamine for everything than most other people do. This either leads to hyperactivity, because you need to do MORE to feel the normal amount of reward chemical (how I was when I was younger). Or it leads to Inattention, because nothing you do feels rewarded or worthwhile (how I am now). There's just physically not enough dopamine being released in my brain for it to function properly most of the time. That's why ADHD is treated with stimulants like Adderall or Vyvanse, because they stimulate the release of more dopamine in the pathways. Making everything feel *right*. My symptoms may have changed over the years through things like masking and other stuff, but I realized recently that it never went away.

At the end of last year, I started watching ADHD Youtube videos that were recommended to me by my friends who also have ADHD. Lo and behold, a lot of what I was struggling with was the poster child of adulthood with ADHD. Anxiety, inability to do basic tasks, procrastination, lack of motivation, etc etc. I was especially hit hard by the concept of "Executive Dysfunction". Executive dysfunction, common with ADHD, impairs planning, task prioritization, memory, execution, and emotional regulation. All things I've been struggling with for years to various extents. Also things that got worse whenever I was depressed.

Naturally, the first thing someone might do to solve this, is get treated/medicated. So that's what I tried. I enrolled in a private health care plan (self-employment doesn't get healthcare through their employer, GO USA) just to find out that it was in the middle of a ADHD medication shortage. I was eligible to get approved for VyVanse, the meds I took when I was a kid, because they were 500$ a bottle. My insurance was 250$ a month. So they denied it, citing that I "Haven't tried the other medications." The ones that I tried getting, Adderall and a couple other ones, were never in stock. Even my friends who already had medication started being unable to get any at all. It was around that time that I made The State of FanterFane post, because this really hit me hard. I'd done everything I was supposed to, but the world still shot me down for it.

Then, on top of everything else, I developed Carpal Tunnel. Which screwed me up even more mentally and physically. Suddenly, even when I WAS motivated (which was getting rarer and rarer) I couldn't even draw then because my wrist was constantly in pain. It really started feeling like things really were unsalvageable. I truly felt without hope for the first time since college, and before that high school. Like everything I had done up to that point was pointless, and only resulted in me sacrificing my health for something that would've never worked out.

...Until the first week of this month, June 2023. When one of my friends was able to get their hands on Adderall again, signaling the end of the shortage. I immediately took my prescription to my local pharmacy, and got my first ever bottle of Adderall XR. I had high hopes for what it would do for me, but the thing I didn't expect was for me to regain hope.

The next day, I took my first dose and proceeded to start deep cleaning and rearranging my entire room. I did laundry, folded clothes, wiped away dust EVERYWHERE, organized my belongings and important files for the first time EVER, unpacked moving boxes that hadn't moved in 2 years and much, much more! Essentially, I turned my entire room upside down over the course of a week. I can't really put into words just how liberating it felt, how finally being able to just see a problem, and then solve it immediately without any anxiety or self-doubt changed *everything*. Even better, every task completed was less anxiety to affect me whenever I felt down or depressed. I can't hate myself for having a messy room when it's so clean, it's literally *rearranged* after all!

To put it simply, it felt like my brain was *working again*. For the first time in literal YEARS. Once I was done cleaning, I moved onto working on art, posting, responding to messages and sorting personal files. These past three weeks have been three of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time. I feel like I've not been this productive since the initial honeymoon phase of Dullahan Dilemma and the Attenborough collection (callback!). All the while, I got better at treating my carpal tunnel, to the point where it's not constantly pins and needling me anymore, and it even feels just generally better all the time! I've been getting better and better at doing various tasks, and I believe I'm truly on the road to recovery now.

Things from here are looking up! Genuinely! I wouldn't be here either if it wasn't for all of you kind people supporting me, even through the toughest times. I'm beyond grateful for that. I'd worship the ground you all walk on if I could. Without ya'll, I would not be here today. Forgive me for taking on a somewhat political tone, but I have no idea who I'd even be at this point without all of you, and all of my wonderful friends that I’ve met while doing this. Perhaps I'd have fallen deeper into the alt-right pipeline as a disenfranchised southern white guy. Becoming more homophobic and repressing my inner self even more than I already had been my entire life due to my upbringing. That was the only place I felt like I could fit into the conservative worldview my folks raised me in, after all. Maybe I would've gone back to school for a degree I couldn't use and in debt, landing in a terrible corporate job that didn't care for me. At least I would've got health insurance then, but also maybe all of my health problems would've gotten worse and worse and never got better, since I never would've had the motivation to fix them by working out, losing weight, and watching my diet. I honestly don't know, and thinking too deeply about the "what-ifs'' of it is pointless.

But now, what I can say is that when all the anxiety clears and the depression abates, I'm truly happy. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually have an identity. Like my emotions actually do matter and that I'm not just some soulless machine whose only goal in life is to make money. I'm a human being. Although I may not be created in God's image, I have thoughts, feelings, and most importantly, flaws. I'm gay/bisexual, I'm not very masculine nor do I desire to be so, I like having long hair, and I like doing more effeminate things that most guys in the crowd I was falling into would balk at and blame on chemicals in the water. In other words, I feel healthier than ever. Mentally AND physically. I thank all of you, each and every single one, for staying with me throughout all of this. If any of you ever feel like you wanna reach out, especially if I can help you in some comparatively small way, please do. My DMs are always open, it's the LEAST I can do.

Some other things I should touch on- I've gotten a lot of surprising support for my transition from my extended family and friends. The closest is still the most difficult, I can't get my nails painted for instance, I was told not to when I asked, much to my chagrin. I've got a pride bracelet I've been wearing around, and no one has said anything about it, so that's good I suppose. Fox news still blares on the television in the living room, even after all the stuff that's gone down with *that* channel in recent times. I've given up on trying to convince them otherwise. I’ve been discredited anyway because I draw "X-rated shit", that doesn't make enough money. Even though as far as most people my generation are faring financially, I'm doing pretty good!

The SFW commissions have been going fantastic! Especially on the mental health side of things. It's helped me realize that I do in fact, have options. I'm not trapped doing one thing forever, which is honestly the thing that was scaring me the most. Just like the threat of a soul-draining corporate job till the day I die. I don't have to worry about what I'll be doing in 10 years, because I think I've built enough support and especially self-taught skill that no matter what I do, I'll be okay. It's only up from here, and I've even been feeling the flame of passion returning for TF and other lewdness! So you can for sure expect to see much more of that over the next few years, no matter what!

Speaking of money though, I have more plans for the future now too. I'm gonna make more money by doing more commissions and creating more sources of revenue. Just so that I can afford to move out, and get away from this toxic environment I find myself in. The cheapest apartments where I live run for about 750$ a month, so I'm hoping to save up over the next year and move the hell out. I think I'll be able to afford it, provided there are no extraneous events that hurt me financially. I'll be trying things like more YCH's, sketch commission streams like the patreon request streams, art packs, and maybe even merch! Ya'll be the first to be notified about any of this. The first YCH auction will hopefully be this weekend! It will be based on Nyan Cat possession, and the MC will be trying to run away from the cringey 2000's era meme culture that haunts them to this day. Thing is, the past has a funny way of coming back to haunt you!~

Finally, I'm going on vacation next week to see some friends in LA! If you're someone I know/trust around the LA area, and you wanna meet up, let me know in DMs and we'll see if we can arrange it! I may take a further vacation the week after for rest, but after that we'll be back to regularly scheduled LEWDNESS work!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming with me and supporting me on this journey. Happy pride month, and I hope everyone has a great Summer! I love all of you! Here's to several more years of FanterFane!

XOXO,

FanterFane

#announcement #adhd #my adhd #living with adhd