#i love how i still talk on my tumblr posts like it's an online diary even tho idk how many people actually read it

[sureuncertainty]

I SPENT TOO MUCH AT METROCON BUT IT’S WORTH IT I commissioned art of Emma (bc i hAVE to get at least one comm of one of my OCs whenever I go to a con, that’s a rule I just decided) and i also got a shitton of all for the game stuff which had me losing my absolute mind bc I wasn’t expecting to find much, and I got some owl house stuff too!

#win rambles #i'm like a kid on christmas gleefully sorting through all the stuff i got omg #i gotta go to bed i work at 7am tomorrow... #but thE HYPE #oh also i did find one (1) table that had tma stuff (well technically two but one was an artist i've already seen) #and we talked about tma for awhile #and now i'm super inspired to do a nikola cosplay for tampa bay comic con #which i am hopefully going to at the end of the month #if i can trade around some shifts at work #cause i really dont' wanna lose another shift at work for it. but i will if i must. #i love how i still talk on my tumblr posts like it's an online diary even tho idk how many people actually read it #at least some people do so i appreciate that

[traumatizedjaguar]

how do you tell if someone you love is a narcissist and what to do?

First I’m confused on why you’re asking this question and exactly what you are looking for? Some people have asked me bc they tell me they’re living with an abuser so that’s how I’m going to take your question…

If that’s the case and you have an abuser you’re living with and you can’t get away yet I don’t exactly have any good advice other than the usual we survivors always tell each other:

leave when it’s safest

keep everything low key and secret from your abusers such as passwords, accounts and users, jobs you’re working, etc.

Don’t leave papers with your passwords and usernames written down laying around your bedroom if you’re living with an abuser

!!! Lemme add: I used to write down on paper fake usernames and fake passwords and I’d leave it on my desk or in a drawer easy to find so my abusers wouldn’t know my actual accounts and passwords !!!

grey rock technique is always useful

And you can’t control how people perceive you when you’re being smear campaigned, so it’s best not to care about it and do your best with your life for yourself

Look for local DV shelters

Also do t leave journals or diaries laying around, I keep an online diary password locked

I’m posting a master-post soon about how to do your best living with abusers still in your life based on techniques and other things I’ve used to help myself deal with abusers. I’m almost done with it. It’s kind of based off one persons experience I.e. my own lol and everyone’s experience with abusers is unique. So some of what I say might not work for you, some will.

I can’t use words like narcissism on tumblr when talking about abusers, although about 6 of my abusers actually had NPD, ASPD, other stuff and Conduct Disorder (some were flying monkeys who abused me) and these disorders certainly impacted how they behaved with me (using fire to harm people, abusing animals, bullying, physical cruelty, sexually abusive both coercively and violently, excessive lying issues and manipulation, deceitfulness, justifying harming others, vandalism of property, conning, severe possessiveness and jealousy issues, lacking in remorse and care).

It’s common for psychological abusers to have “gangs” of others just like them/same personality and behaviors. Which is why you often see them together in numbers behind the scenes.

It’s best to use the word abuser or psychological abuser instead at least that’s what I do on my tumblr account as not to cause uproar. But you can still be honest about how their symptoms impacted you, as I still talk about it too.^

Idk if this person you’re referring to is someone abusive, someone you wish to keep in your life, or someone you’re just trying to help?

You can’t help abusers nor should you try, I’ve been there with all of my abusers and it’s a bad cycle to stay in. Don’t try to get them help if they’re abusive, just leave when you can. Grey Rock everyday. Please never try to stay and help an abuser.

——————————————

If they’re a loved one who isn’t an abuser (rarely have people asked me it this way ahhh):

Then it’s best to just bring up the disorder casually instead of accusatory.

Like say you’re interested in psychology and want to share what you’ve learned and you can go over the symptoms like, “such an interesting disorder I have been learning about!” And then go over the symptoms more so in depth with examples of how the symptoms can manifest and see if they start thinking about it as “huh I do that?” That way you don’t make it sound accusatory, but instead you are just casually talking about a subject!

That’s all I can come up with unless you have specific questions or specific needs? I’m not the best with advice but we’ll see hah

#asks #answered asks #flannelfreak02

[psycho-lizard9]

Hello

I wanted to make a little introduction post as my first post here since I know that there was quite a bit of a bot issue in the past, and possibly still is to this day, so I do want to say that I am not a bot XD

I will soon add photos to my profile, but I wanted to do this post first.

I used to be here before, I had several blogs but the most known one was probably my J-Rock blog posting mostly BUCK-TICK and Der Zibet. That old account was nyacchan-3. I also used to have a dream diary on here for those who remember. Some of you might also know me from AO3 as Nyacchan, but I have changed my name there to Nameless_Me. I might change this name again in the future and I might also change my Tumblr name cause I couldn’t really come up with anything so I picked a song title and added my fave number to it. For this new account I will be posting J-Rock again, but maybe also some random things now and then, like reblogging things I come across and like.

Also, since I left social media I left my Discord name on my AO3 profile, yet I forgot about that after a while. I recently got 3 friend invites on Discord from strangers, and since I had forgotten my name was out there I assumed they were bots and denied the requests. If it was you, I am sorry and feel free to now message me here instead.

As I said earlier, I deleted all my social media earlier this year as the constant fandom wars really got on my nerves. The Internet is not a fun place when all you see is people constantly bitching at each other. I wasn’t planning to come back until at least September 2025, but since Issay’s recent passing I have decided to come back early as the memories of him are most easily found on social media. I want to just scroll through places, come across random photos, gifs and videos of him and enjoy the amazing work he has left us with, to remember the amazing person he used to be.

I know I have been complaining a lot about fandoms and fans in the past but I want to let that go now. I left social media to calm down and to… try to become a better person. I don’t want to have anything to do with any drama, I am just here to have a good time and to share the love for my favorite artists.

Feel free to talk to me tho, especially if your interests are the following artists:

BUCK-TICK

Der Zibet

DEAD END

Creature Creature

The Yellow Monkey

Vaniru

Sakurai Atsushi’s solo/side works

ISSAY’s solo/side works

MORRIE’s solo work

and/or Kazuya Yoshii’s solo works

Also feel free to contact me if you play any of the following games and would want to play online cause I don’t like randoms in online games XD:

Payday the Heist

Payday 2

(Also Payday 3 when it comes out cause I know I will be binging that)

Phasmophobia

Demonologist

Ghost Exile

Attack on Titan

Attack on Titan 2

Anyway, since I don’t want to immediately become inactive with posting, I will be posting faves lists from albums. Per album from my favorite artists I will be doing a top 5, top 3, fave song and least fave song. I plan to post these opinions of 1 album per day starting with Der Zibet, as I have been listening to Issay’s work almost non stop since he passed away. Listening to his voice isn’t as easy as it used to be, but I just want to enjoy his amazing voice and remember how much I loved him and always will love him. I don’t want to avoid his work.

Well, I’ll be right back with my opinions. It’s nice to be back and I hope we can all behave and get along now. I guarantee I won’t be causing any trouble :)

Extra: Feel free to message me here if you have any band related questions (of bands mentioned above)

#jrock #buck tick #der zibet #dead end #creature creature #the yellow monkey #vaniru #sakurai atsushi #issay #morrie #kazuya yoshii #yemon #payday #phasmophobia #demonologist #attack on titan #games #music #introduction

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

diiary 2/25/2023

okayyy i been needing to write a longform post for a while! just to chronicle some thoughts in a cohesive way. & getting straight to the point: i'm realizing there is very little, if ANY payoff, to being an artist online. i'm not talking about money. im talking about the way it's like, the more ppl start to see you as an "artist", the more they feel like ur some kind of public figure they can lash out at w no repercussions. ur humanity is just wiped from their minds. i don't have some huge following by any means but for ME its gotten big since in the past i've been a serial deleter. usually at 800 followers im gone.

i love being creative & sharing for the sake of sharing but i deeply fear any kind of spotlight. since i came back onto tumblr i made the pledge to myself not to delete my account if it started growing but now im having second thoughts!! well i'll never delete this account cus im too sentimental but part of me just wants to stop posting in the ways i tend to do. like maube im too forthcoming & need to slink back into the shadows a bit. because i don't want to stop contributing art & music to the world but idk how to protect my heart.

like it's so crazy to me that artists are expected to b these idealistic icons of everything the viewer represents & if they make a single mistake its like fuck we better launch a pUBLIC HARASSMENT CAMPAIGN!! genuinely like, how are people supposed to want to put themselves out there when the climate is so hostile? it has got me feelin rly nihilistic i must admit. trying to put nice stuff into the world shld not be generating drama for me, especially when it's just my hobby & not even my "career".

for a while ive had no idea what to do for work or how to generate income in a way that works for me but honestly? im gonna bite the bullet & do some coding bootcamps so i can try n get a remote job doing some tech shit & making a fat salary. i guess i never rly considerd it before cus all the silicon valley stuff susses me out but idk. im naturally really good at code + my only real dream in life is to be able to support others & redistribute wealth. like ive never had anything of my own to share but if i could actually do this & become the secure+charitable person i wish to be, i think i cld finally have some inner peace/sense of fulfillment. plus i cld still be a recluse ^_^

ok well i guess that my diary entry for now. im rly grateful to everyone on this site who is genuine & respectful towards me. i am really enjoying all my creative projects right now & i just dont want it to ever stop being fun just because the internet doesnt want it to be fun for me. i seriously wonder why artists are the number one targets right now, i mean not to get too conspiratorial but like, this is exactly what the CIA wants :/ wahtever....i have no agenda other than plur. but yeah, i might just start to distance myself more from posting anything other than my work. we'll see. just kno that i dnt want it to b this way. ilu guys

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

#gatortext #such is life as ale #lol I haven’t used that tag in so long the last post on there has me gagged like. WHAT

[diabolicalvixen]

hello, i just want you to know that you were one of the few artists my 11-year-old ayayui-rotted brain clung to!!!

now, 8 years later, i'm back in tumblr and i checked out the ayayui tag AND I SQUEALED WITH JOY when i saw you!!!

thank you so much for the wonderful art. (to this day i cannot get that seggsy ayayui basketball art you drew lol)

I wish I can tell you how much your message means to me, this made me a little teary eyed

trigger warning: depression talk below

8 years ago was just about 1 year before my depression peaked, and also the last time I heavily pushed out art before I stopped almost completely. I can tell you exactly because I started therapy at the end of 2020, and before that it took me almost 3 years to admit to myself that I need help. I wasn't ever in danger of unaliving myself but those were still some dark times. My diary from those years is so sad, that I can't bear to read it. But I still vividly remember one very personal entry that I want to share with you to convey to you what you did for me (and past me) today with that message

---

(this is paraphrased + translated)

December 2019

I haven't picked up a pen or a brush in what feels like forever and I don't know if I ever will again. I feel like a failure. My art looks like crap compared to others. It's messy and simple and you can tell i just wanted to get it finally done at one point. I bet no one uses that much references as I am. I want to delete it all. I don't even want to call myself an artist when I look at my stuff, that's just embarrassing. It looks so much better in my head, but my hand can't replicate what my mind sees.

Maybe it's a good thing Mom and Dad talked me out of studying art. My portfolio is cringe. I don't even know if this current degree is going anywhere, I haven't studied in a while either, I'll probably fail my exams. Whatever, I'll try next semester again.

I told people online that "I'm back" like a 100 times already, but no one cares anymore. That's the internet, if you stop pushing out content, you'll become irrelevant. Can't blame them. That's life I guess. I want to draw but I can't, it's not fun anymore. I'm not creative anymore. Where did it all go? Why do I feel so tired all the time? Maybe I'm just lazy. Even this entry almost took up all of my energy for today.

I slept 12 hours and I'm still tired.

---

A bit melodramatic but that's how I essentially felt like all the time, thinking about my art just made me spiral even more. I did receive some supportive and loving messages during those years and I have every one of them screenshotted and saved on my computer, but back then they were only able to pull me out for a very short time before I slipped into my black hole again. I had little bursts of creativity here and there but nothing compared to how it was before. Most of it I didn't even post because I ended up hating it.

I had my very last therapy appointment about three months ago and even though I'm in a much better place now, I'm still coming to terms with closing that chapter from my life. Something about your message made me very sentimental today - in a good way.

Thank you for liking my art 8 years ago. Thank you so much for still recognizing and remembering me 8 years later (!!!) and thank you for taking some time out of your day to message me! This truly made my whole month already, and we only have 2nd of July!

(about that seggsy basketball art, I reposted it a while ago - even though every fiber of my being cringed so hard 😂)

#ask #sorry for being emotional on alt

[superpeanutgarden]

Night Blogging

okay, *technically* I'm not using the term right. It's an old phrase from before we called it Shitposting- we blamed all the weird stuff on sleep deprivation and Australians lmao

But it's night, and I'm blogging, so here we are.

so if you've read my other long posts, you'll know I'm in multiple open polyamorous relationships... and that I'm having what one might call "a hoe phase" and an accompanying crisis about if I still have worth if I'm a slut.

Well now im having a whole different (but still slut-adjacent) crisis. Do I even know what romance is????

This didnt come out of nowhere. My girlfriend mentioned that I was dating around as though I was single several months ago. And today she- wisely- brought up that i am at risk of girl bossing too close to the sun. and I had already been thinking about how my sibling had said that our parents didnt really model romance for us, and that we were told that romantic love is just kissing your best friend. And to be clear: I TOTALLY am. I'm not lonely or touch starved or sad or maidenless (or lad-less) in any sense of the imagination.

So... why am I still pursuing people??

The tree i can understand. He's a fun fuck, and he travels the renfaire circuit so I wont see him all the time. No chance of a solid relationship, just a fun easy breezy fling.

The lookout? Similar thing. Super fun to make out with and fine as HELL, but he lives like three hours away and doesnt seem interested in going steady. I can work with that

Max is PolySaturared and we just make out when I'm over for house parties, which isnt as often as I'd like but I'm desperately trying not to have too much of a crush on him (or his wife... or his girlfriend... or his other partner) so it's fine (jesus, maybe I'm not Ace, maybe I am just autistic)

Theres my good ex and my middle school bestie, but they're hella busy and our schedules havent really lined up. Disappointing, but acceptable.

The thing these people have in common is that they are almost entirely unavailable for me to date!! Until literally a month ago I was under the impression that I was just chasing the dopamine of New relationship Energy with ethically renewable sources and I could get my cozy domestic stability from my lovely girlfriends and partner...

And then trumpet guy and I made out at one of Max's house parties.... and Then I went on two dates with The Goblin King after making out with him and the Tree at the same time on NYE. And like??? It's so weird to say that I dont think either of them are stupid hot???? (But only one of the three people I'm dating is Stupid Hot, so there is precedent but?) It feels kinda weird and disingenuous to want to spend more time with these people who I'm not crushing on

And yet im Quickly falling head over clown shoes for trumpet guy. He's cute and fun and he asked me out on a date to dress way fancy and get sushi and go see a musical and???? I had just been telling a classmate that I didnt feel like I had been properly romanced since high school and?????? While I'm an impatient slut, it feels nice to be pursued.

The goblin king is really fucking sweet, and he's got really nice hair, but I'll wait to try talking myself out of liking him until after our next date... (too late, cant unthink that. I'll bring it up in person. He's really cool and I do want to still be his friend, but we both live with parents who would NOT get it so that kinda makes it hard to have solo couple time... or any couple time. It's not like I have to make a choice anytime soon but the dude deserves to know that I'm not sure if there's anything for us beyond friendship and the occasional kiss. Heck, we've only made out the one time and not even just us.)

Anyway, what's tumblr for other than an online diary??

#polyamory #you dont know me #but i know you #long post #nightblogging #romance #stream of consciousness #clown behavior

[detroitbecomeonline]

Not expecting a reply, just wanted to drop by and say THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I started doing a little modding around in January, mainly trying to google and learn stuff only to find out that info and the modding community of DBH is scarce. I’m a very shy person, so starting to talk with other modders didn’t (and still doesn’t) seem like an option. Not to mention not knowing how to approach them ans where.

I used all the little info I found and got as far as to learn how to do hex swaps on the dbh demo (since the online model swapoer doesn’t work on it). Also found tutorials for textures but didn’t go for it yet. Now that I finally have the full game I’m better able to do more stuff.

Thanks to your activeness, more info has become easily available. Of course I have to thank the whole modding community as well, but I personally feel like it wasn’t until you came along that the info started to surface.

So thank you again and keep doing what you do. I love to follow your modding diary and I’m excited to learn from your learnings!!

I started modding at the start of the year too! I'm so glad you're finding my mod diary entries helpful.

I really want DBH modding information to be much more public, so that's why I started my diary! Unfortunately, a lot of people keep things private when they're not supposed to/are told not to share it. I somehow got caught up in that (which you will see in one of my previous entries) even though it's like, the opposite of what I want to achieve.

I can't take credit for "figuring out" the mods though. People have figured these out long before I got here, and those people are linked in my previous entries. <3

I would love to learn a programming language so I can reverse engineer the game and get codes that way rather than asking fellow modders, but learning that feels so out of my grasp since I like, you know, have work to do. Grass to touch. It's time that I wish I had!

Unfortunately, (and this is NOT to cause drama) my main source of info/mentor has blocked me on Tumblr because she misunderstood a post I created (classic Twitter-style misunderstanding lol)(and no hate to her at all! I am unable to talk to her privately anywhere to reconcile and clarify. So, I'm locked in a learning stalemate at the moment), so the entries will be significantly slower.

You are absolutely welcome to DM me if you get stuck with something. I only know as much as people tell me, so if you figure anything out, please let me know! I'd love to learn anything from anywhere and put it in an entry for more people to find.

I hope your modding journey is easy! It's tough for me because I have no idea what I'm doing and finding stuff is so, so hard. So I hope you're having fun and getting the results you want. I'm so glad you're using my regurgitated info lmao <3

DATE: 01/03/2023

#dbh #dbh modding #modding dbh #detroit become human #iresponddbh #mymoddiary #mine

[yuigadokson]

just tumblr lol i still love my blog a lot and it is the only place online i enjoy being with ppl. but sometimes i just feel like 'meh,what's the point....' maybe i've just been low energy...how do ppl do/watch/read so many things ? how can ppl consumed so much ? I feel ugly to have this constant thought about always need to catch up with things,with people, when i 100% know that i really don't have to. I am just very tired of myself....so yes...even i like being here but i am also struggling....sorry for talking so much.

This got long sorry

never apologise!! I totally feel what you are going through, what i feel is that you are putting too much burden on yourself, one good thing is you love your blog (and i love your blog too and loooove seeing you post on the timeline<3) but if you feel that your online timeline makes you feel as if you arenot keeping up with things, than i feel you should try to either mute things that dont bring joy

Nothing wrong with it, you have been taking breaks and if you enjoy it thats good, everyone here and everyone everywhere does things cause they want to do it and if you arent able to keep up, why worry, you are going at your own pace, at this point i also never keep up with anything too so your arent alone, somedays online timeline can be overwhelming and i truly hope that you dont overburden yourself with simply this small part of the universe

Consider tumblr like a newspaper at times you dont read every single news, and in the same way you dont have to pay attention to every single post here, or just consider it your diary, write and post stuff about your day and maybe keep a 2 or 3 min timer and when thats done just close the app and go for a walk or drink some delicious coffee so whatever you feel when you open tumblr doesnt affect you too much as you are now doing what you enjoy <3

I am sorry i am not good with advise i also ran away from social media and at present am only watching or checking out social media for stuff that brings me joy and when it gets too much i just throw my phone in the other room and just clean or organize stuff ;;

This got long so sorry but pls know i will always love you and i am here for you and i simply wish you dont stress yourself and can do things that bring you joy! You are enough you dont need to define your actions you are doing well!!!

#Hugs you #I hope you dont make yourself stress too much #Feel free to message me anytime about anything <3

[thomsong93]

Add something if you'd like

Very well.

Hello Tumblr, it's been a while. Why do I even have an account? I should just delete you.

Why can't I write this in a diary?

Is it because I have a glimmer of hope left that anything I write online may someday be read by anyone at all? Oh yes, absolutely.

One of my biggest nightmares is people not wanting to hear me. I dream of trying to express my emotions to people I love. And they don't want to listen.

And I'd have to see a psychologist to figure out why this terrifies the shit out of me. It might be the dreadful standard I hold. If no one receives me, I can not exist. To express and be heard, why does this feel like a meaningful life to me?

When I was young, I had very little in the way of friendships and family support. How did I cope? I don't remember. At what point did I learn to interact socially and raise the bar? At what point did I stop absorbing the world and people. When did I stop listening? And turned into this introspective, socially greedy person?

I want to be noticed when I have something to say. Is this greedy? Is it understandable?

Social media is this brilliant example of how I feel. I post something I think is very me. Or I just want to make people laugh. And nothing, not one like. Anyone out there? Preferably those I love?

Why is it, when I post something I'm excited about in the girls chat - no one replies? I just saw my last 5 messages received no comment. I don't even message a lot. No one interested at all?

How come people love to talk over top of me at a social gathering? Am I too slow at telling a story?

And then there's times where I think "No... I won't go to that party" and then it's "Where's Jo? I wanted her to be here"

But I literally do not understand. If anyone actually wants me around, why don't I feel heard? I assume the problem is obviously with me. I'm selfish, I have to be. To think that interactions have to be 'my' ideal way, for me to get any value from it.

Value? Why this? Am I a narcissist like my uncle?

Every time I put my foot down and make myself heard... it still isn't enough. I have this gut feeling I am not outwardly accepted by my loved ones. I am amusing, kind and a good friend perhaps. But truly appreciated, this I do not feel. And if it's just a broken wire in my brain, I want it fixed. I would very much like to feel heard the way I need to be.

This is where I often feel I should go silent. Not put out anything if I can't receive. To learn to function this way. Like when I was a kid. If I am not putting out anything, then only this is the reason I won't receive. Nothing to ponder, nothing further to dislike about myself. Nothing more to try.

But I don't like where that could lead. If you isolate yourself, surely you're going to become more prone to self harm and suicidal ideation. Like when I was a kid.

Though I guess you need breaks after so many fails. At times I want to take the phone off the hook. It is sometimes because I want to be found. It is still hope.

But. Every passing year. The same old patterns, over and over again.

I am starting to appreciate what hope I still have for myself. I fear the day it's all dried up.

What will happen to me then? And if the worst happened. Could have it been the right thing all along for me? Will I finally be at peace? That I know is a yes. That's for sure. Nothing is nothing and this is true peace.

Meanwhile. I want to wrap myself in my invisibility cloak. The survival skill I had as a kid. If you aren't seen, you can't get hurt. This was smart.

It is okay for me to rest from the pain.

[racheljsk]

Week 4 Tumblr Case Study

Blogging My Feelings Away

It’s the year 2014. Every teenager is blasting Halsey’s ‘Badlands’ album while scrolling through Tumblr. The aesthetic pictures, the dark yet pretty poems that expressed how a heartbroken teenager felt, everyone loved to blog their feelings away during that era.

"But wait, what is blogging?"

A blog is like a digital diary, instead of writing it on paper, we would write it on blogging platforms such as Tumblr. Besides yourself, anyone can participate in making entries in your blog or even just read them, so I guess you can say that it is not really a diary (because most of the time, diaries are a secret you know). Now back to teens on Tumblr, technically they know more about Tumblr so naturally, it makes them good at digital strategy. For example, user Pizza hit 100, 000 followers on Tumblr after more than 2 years on the blogging platform. From posting party outfits pictures to funny one-liners, she had a whopping 90,000 followers, earning her fame in her circle. That all happened at the end of 2012, the same year she turned 15 years old.

Speaking of Tumblr, it was officially launched in February 2007 and gained over 75 000 users in 2 weeks. After 2 months after Tumblr launched its first major brand advertising campaign with Adidas, which launched an official soccer Tumblr blog and bought placements on the user dashboard, Tumblr announced that it would be moving towards paid advertising on its site.

Phew, that was a lot of history, now moving on to what you can do on this platform (think of this post as an intro to Tumblr). Of course, we can blog anonymously, that is. Unlike Facebook or Instagram, we don’t have to put our real names, therefore creating a safe space for many marginalised groups. (You can talk about how much you like Levi Ackerman and not get judged because no one knows who you really are, people only know you as that one Levi Tumblr account).

Tumblr is a relatively public place to blog your feelings away as users do not need to follow each other to see their contents and users cannot tell when someone is online as the date and time stamps are not prioritised. Lastly, did you know that Tumblr was one of the first social media sites to use hashtags as a community building tool? (I didn’t either until I read the module).

Speaking of building a community, there are 5 stages of building a community on a blog. The first stage is simply you. The way you write your blogs and express yourself in a way that is relatable and can make you gain readers. This leads to stage 2 which is readers engaging with you. This is when your readers share their feedback, by leaving comments and you as the blogger, need to take the initiative to respond to them hence engaging with your readers. Not only do your readers engage with you but they can also engage with one another, which brings us to stage 3. At this stage, this means that you have a much deeper level of community engagement than you did when you were the central point of contact for everyone. Moving on to stage 4, when you see your readers engaging with one another, they like the things that you wrote and decided to tell other people about it. The more followers you have, the bigger your blog will become and soon your loyal followers will become moderators for the discussion forums in your blog. Lastly, stage 5, is engagement. This is when you as the blogger are still there, but interactions and relationships go on.

In conclusion, Tumblr is a place where people blog their feelings away.

References

Misman, N 2023, ‘MDA 20009 Digital Communities Week 4 Digital Community and Blogging: Tumblr Case Study’, MDA20009 Digital Communities, Learning materials via Canvas, Swinburne University of Technology, 13 April, viewed 2 May 2023.

Reeve, E 2016, ‘The Secret Lives of Tumblr Teens’, The New Republic, 17 February, viewed 2 May, <https://newrepublic.com/article/129002/secret-lives-tumblr-teens>.

#mda20009 #tumblraesthetic #tumblr 2014 #week 4 #university #halsey badlands #levi ackerman #tumblrcasestudy

[disneyprincessdxminatrix]

Ich habe 9.563 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 1.102 more posts als 2021!

423 Einträge erstellt (4%)

9.140 Einträge gerebloggt (96%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@breitzbachbea

@randomkiwibirds

@lightpinkstuff

@sinninghowlter

@aconstantparallel

Ich habe 3.599 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#homestuck – 380 Einträge (you heard it here first this is a homestuck blog now!)

#my stuff – 251 Einträge

#snk – 126 Einträge

#esc – 96 Einträge

#dracula daily – 74 Einträge

#asks – 61 Einträge

#snk spoilers – 58 Einträge

#13 sentinels – 52 Einträge

#rivas diary – 38 Einträge

#i am from austria – 34 Einträge

Longest Tag: 142 characters

#i’m not like this usually but i’m like this with people who don’t talk to much and who i’m kinda unsure if they’d even want to talk to me 💀💀

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

my fucking post that I made in 2mins at work is the first one in the tag I’m gonna cry

305 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 16. November 2022

#4

actually you know what. yeah. works for me I love that ad it’s exactly how you should market something on tumblr.com

569 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 25. September 2022

#3

“this filter gives you the perfect eye colour” “ultimate catfishing filter” “this filter makes everyone hot immediately” “this filter chooses your perfect eyeliner” shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SGHDYI UPW SHUDIAMXND BJSO SHISOAMSF BDJISOS SHDHJS DAHXJKS SHAIXKN SKSKDUFKR LSNKSODCKJEODJXJSOSODJJCIDSMWPSOSJXNUSISLWPWJNDJX

757 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 5. August 2022

#2

do you ever start talking to someone or make a friend online who’s just SO FUCKING COOL you can’t believe they actually talk to YOU of all people ???? amazing.

2.716 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 23. Juni 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

9.762 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 15. November 2022 and I don't know why almost one month later people are still reblogging this .-.

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my stuff

[vaudeville-venom]

3/4AM — O3-12-2O24 : RANT / RAMBLE ﹐🪶 ˖ overview: im tired of tiktok, want to move to other social media platforms. want to start blogging / journaling on tumblr and love the idea of others doing the same and find it interesting. want to redo my intro post really bad (i bring it up alot.) i want to have the 'average highschool experience', feel alone then ramble about my life a bit. talk about how i am rambling and how i dont expect anyone to read it. im tired of having a fucked up sleep schedule and being unstable. then an ending note talking about journaling on tumblr again, moodboards, the fucking intro post again, and want to work on a tagging system. (im really fucking tired oh my god)

[ me-core / aesthetic of my brain atm ] : images frm Pinterest

im really debating on just leaving tiktok for now, the algorithm fucking sucks especially right now. its boring as fuck and im not even seeing stuff of my interests or my mutuals ☠️ its all the same 3 god damn audios of content i wouldnt ever like want or expect to see??? ive mentally wanted to stop using shit like tiktok and move to using tumblr more and other sites like spacehey and stuff. i really need to redo spachey too. because while tumblr still has an algorithm ofc its alot less addicting and doesnt absolutely wreck your attention span like tiktok has for me. i feel like not using tiktok other than for occasional posts and sending things to / receiving things from friends would make me a bit more productive as well as being better for me mentally. while it wont magically cure me from any mental illness itll make me feel better and probably help my stress a bit.

i really love the idea of using a tumblr blog to post whatever i want and like use as a digital diary of some kind,, its super fun imo. i had an old acc but it felt like more of a chore to keep up with so now it’s abandoned. speaking of that blog i may make a post being like “hey, im [here] now!!” because i had some neat mutuals there. i think its really neat to see people post about their day and share things they like and reblog everything that catches their eye yk! that may just be a me thing.

i want to redo my intro post a bit, because idk im a bit unhappy with it. (dont be surprised if i edit it mid-writing this or before i post this..) i really love to write but i havent had much motivation at all. i typically love researching my interests and taking notes on them but recently i havent been able to no matter how much i want to, maybe this diary / blogging kind of thing will help me get back on my feet with that :)

i really dont have a ‘yearning’ for anything at the moment, besides having the experience of like everyone else my age. idk how (hahaha) corny that may sound but like for background, im online schooled due to mental and physical disabilities, i dont have many friends online or in person, i rarely see anyone, and i live with my dad and see my mom sometimes and dont really have family outside of that. the family i do have i dont get along with very well or theyre distant (physically or emotionally.) the family i really consider is my dad, because hes always there for me, and my friend micah, but he lives like 9 hours away from me like a LOSER (ily bffie.) im a big believer on chosen family and he is that chosen family. ok i got sidetracked, what im saying is i have no social life really, dont have a place to get a social life (school), and cant really connect with people no matter how i try to. i want to live life like how i see in teen life films or tiktoks of people vlogging with their friends, hell id kill to even have an irl bestfriend to be around. i do have irl friends, and i do have close friends, but i dont see them often or have the personal connection of a mutual best-friend feeling. my dads probably my best friend but i need someone my age lmfao.

this post will be so long that no one will read it i garuntee but also i dont mind?? im not gonna spill my guts like someone wont read this but im not gonna act like i have a large audience. this will just be a nice thing to look back on and keep up unless i anxiously delete it whenever i look back on it (maybe in the morning)

im really tired of waking up at 3-4pm right now, but i cant sleep earlier than 5am no matter what i do. and if i manage to fall asleep at 2am or something i wake up an hour later or wake up at 4-5am panicking for some reason. i havent been to therapy in forever, my therapist is like not doing her job as well as id like and i have no doctor other than my pediatrician who doesn’t understand what im talking about ever!!

i just made this post and thats kinda what led to all of this ranting and wanting to write and shit. im sorta just tired of alot of social media and would love to find myself in other ways and use other forms of social media to share those things even though tumblr is a bit more dead than some things :) im gonna end this one here but if i write another tonight or early tomorrow (like the afternoon same day but it’s tomorrow to me) dont be surprised i love rambling to myself. now i think im going to make this post look cute, post it, redo my pinned intro, work on featured tags/a tagging system, then go from there ^^’

#cain.txt #oversharing on the internet is fun! #;; #blogging #blog #ranting #ramble #rambling #rant #diary #digital diary #diary entry #my diary #tumblr diary #tumblr blog #yapping #autism #bpd #neurodivergent

[middlenamesage]

Would any fellow astro nerds out there be potentially interested in something that might look like an autobiographical memoir of parts of my life and thoughts… but that you’d have to understand astrology terms to fully get (insider status required😉)?

To give you a better idea of what this could look like, I’ll include screenshots at the end, of some excerpts from the many extensive posts I’ve recently put to my private Threads account with no followers, which I’ve been posting to every day since about the start of the New Year. It was totally unplanned for me that the Threads app would end up being basically just a private online diary for me. (also another place to help me not lose touch with what’s being talked about in society.) But I’m fond of a lot of the stuff I’ve been writing lately, and honestly it’s been easier to work with than a physical diary for me, even with the dumb character limits! (For that reason, I probably should have just opened a new Tumblr account for myself in the interest of being a place for some of my more unfiltered and personal writing- but maybe I can still do that!)

I love that the style of writing I am by far most drawn towards, autobiographical accounts and the exploring of my own philosophies, does tend to be well-received here. It makes sense this is the style I’ve always been most drawn to, as a very subjective and expressive Cancer🦀 5th house Mercury. But I also have Saturn and Neptune opposing my Mercury in the 11th house, and Chiron conjunct my Mercury, so trying to share this type of writing with the world has been honestly pretty alienating at times- like on most other apps I’ve ever had! I don’t really have the mind to be as interested in sharing more objective writings that relay my understanding of astrology through sharing knowledge about lists of planet placements or something like that. Although I appreciate all of you who do gravitate towards writing those kinds of things. But it’s through reflecting on and sharing about my personal experiences, and the experiences of those whose lives weave into mine, that I can share my knowledge about astrology, in a more atypical way… and also hopefully keep people entertained with interesting stories and thoughts!

There’s a lot of self processing that has taken place in my recent writings, and I think my progress could inspire others to get to reflecting in positive ways on their own lives and sense of self. My musing is done in ways that are often comedic, always vulnerable, and often trying to be grateful while still being honest with myself. It’s definitely adult-rated.

I still don’t really know yet where and how it’d be best for me to get my writings out there. but if Neptune is the connector of all, and for some reason the musings of my individual mind actually would be influential for even a very minute subset of the public, I trust them (idk, Neptune probably uses they/them pronouns🤷‍♀️) to sort it all out.

#astrology blog #astro tumblr #astrology tumblr #tropical astrology #astrologynerd #astrology #zodiac side of tumblr #astrology transits #learn astrology #zodiac signs #astrology observations #writers on tumblr #spiritual writer #autobiographical #natal chart #cancer mercury #blackmoonlilith #spirituality #the universe #birth charts #planets in astrology #as above so below #astrology talk

[nessbarbecue]

11-28-23 11:35 AM

I'm in graphic design class right now. My physical diary is literally in my school bag as I'm typing this, but I've made the decision it might be fun to take up digital blogging. You see it all the time on TV, why don't people do it more often?! Plus, I just have a lot to say, all the time. I will admit, that I'm actually direct messaging all of this to myself on Discord, because Tumblr is blocked on the school computers. I'll just copy paste it into Tumblr later. My teacher will definitely yell at me for having my phone out, so I've got a little hidden tab to entertain myself with on the school computer. I really do not like my graphic design teacher. She's friendly, but also kind of rude. And very much a control freak. I want to go to lunch. I still have to go to computer science after this class ends before I can eat lunch. That's at least an hour and a half away... Oh well. I've got plenty to do, I guess. I could actually do my homework. I've been knocking a lot of homework out this week, because I've been out sick, plus Thanksgiving break for a bit. I have a little bit of catching up to do but I've been making quick work of it. I only have one assignment to do in this class, and I just started the layout for it until I got bored and drifted back to my little hidden tab here. When I do post this on my Tumblr, I'll tag it something unique like ness talks so people can filter it out, if they just want to see the art posts. I'll probably attach a few images to this post just to share what I'm up to and what kind of images represent my day. I love posting pictures online. I post shit on every social media I can get my hands on. Except, like, Threads, because who uses that. It was a thing for about a week, when Twitter was threatening to shut down or something I don't even remember. But it didn't, so Threads kind of just became a shithole. None of my social medias have a very prominent following, I think the largest follower count I have is nearly five hundred on Instagram? My Twitter has about three hundred, and my TikTok also has nearly three hundred. I don't know how much Pinterest counts as a social media like those, but I have like twenty followers there and it's basically all just my friends. I love my friends. As for Tumblr, I think it's around fifty? I don't really ever care how many followers I do have, though. I just post stuff for myself. The internet is an awesome way to document your life. If I do get famous one day, though, it'll be awesome for my fans because they'll have a ridiculous amount of content of mine to sift through. I wish it were easier to make friends and mutuals online. I would have a lot of fun having lots of people to interact with. I'm getting kind of bored of typing now so I'm gonna go draw in my sketch book while I wait for class to end. Bye

#ness talks #traditional art

[sageshyperfixdiary]

Meh, I'm bored and impulsively creative

This is purely me just talking to myself (in public) about my future plans to create and publish stories, ignore me.

So I've been wanting to be creative on the internet for a while now and originally I was aiming for YT but that felt like kinda too big a task, and it was intimidating. I did get through filming a couple videos and planning out content but it always faded into mild disinterest in actually finishing the project. A big part of that was that I hate niching even though now the consensus has been leaning towards people don't need to niche as much anymore which is nice. But anyways I just feel like I don't click well with video content yet, I much prefer the written word. As evidenced by how many diaries and journals I had when I was young, and I still keep multiple journals for different parts of my life. On top of that I used to be a fan fiction writer and a webtoon artist, I love creating stories. But again, it felt like the world was really turning towards video content, which is kind of a narrow mindset considering I'm an avid reader, and that there are so many literature based communities on every social media site.

Anyway, after letting my content creator dreams die a slow death, I got a new MacBook and kind of stumbled onto Tumblr. And I can't even begin to express how deeply in love I've fallen with this site. I became almost obsessively active on this site, and treat it like a deranged online diary. It also inspired me to draw and write again, shocking me with how much love I received on a short fanfic post. I honestly thought I lost the ability to write because I haven't written for other people in so long. And it felt so good to feel that passion again, to pour my thoughts into a physical form.

Long story short I decided to start writing my original stories and publishing them to ao3 (they have an original works section too). And I'll be using Tumblr to post concept art and story snippets. I still love drawing but I think webtoons just took a lot out of me and it wasn't the exactly the right medium for me. So I think I'll start writing stories that are more writing focused than art, but add in cool concept arts and stuff, like the stuff you get from certain otome games! (I love collecting those).

Sooo yeah that's where my thoughts are for right now, if you've read this I really appreciate that, so thanks! Have a great rest of your day babes!

#personal growth #just thinking #deep thoughts #thinking aloud #talking to myself