#i love that midge checked in because this was about both of them

[mrgaretcarter]

#tmmmedit #the marvelous mrs. maisel #midge maisel #susie myerson #rachel brosnahan #alex borstein #ohtendril #my stuff #i love that midge checked in because this was about both of them #and susie said go for it even if it mean shed be ruined #even if it meant everyone who relies on her would be ruined #dinah every other client #even if it meant theyd all go to shit #because midge is her 1 midge is the person she loves and would do anything for #but most of all midge was her ticket out midge jumpstarted her dreams midge made her world expand beyond the gaslight #and vise versa they owe each other everything and they were together forever

[auteurdelabre]

Code Broken (4/5) SERIES dark!Joel x f!reader

Summary: After your last horrible interaction with Joel you run into him months later. Things don't go as expected.

Rating: 18+ (

Word Count: 3.2

Warnings: This is a very dark!Joel fic with lots of dubious consent. Yes, the f!reader gets into it eventually but I believe y'all can see how its dubious. Unprotected p in v sex, coming on v, semi-public sex, desk sex, rough sex.

---------------------

Chapter 4: I will Survive

You barely make it through the night. 

You've begun packing, throwing your clothes into a duffel before the sun cracks through the sky.

For the next two months you stay at Trish's. In her guest room that will soon become the babies room. It's decorated in blues and greens and feels peaceful.

You tell her that your home needs repairs. That you need somewhere to stay. Cliff is so kind to you, never making you feel like a burden. 

"When do you think the repairs will be done?" Trish asks you one morning, sounding strained and you can tell your visit is rapidly becoming overstayed. 

"Funny you mention that, because it's actually finished tomorrow," you chirp happily. "Just found out." 

Despite the community's size you haven't run into Joel. You overheard rumors that he has left for a few months on some mission with Tommy, but you never care to check the veracity. 

You don't care. You never want to see Joel Miller again. 

///

It's April before you do.

He's returned after months away. He looks leaner, his hair longer, it curls at the back. You catch him leaving his house just as your walking up to yours. 

You both lock eyes and go still. He blinks rapidly, his mouth parting slightly when all of a sudden you hear Tess call your name and you flinch. 

She gives you a short wave which you return weakly before she walks up to Joel with a strained smile. 

You dart into the house, feeling Joel's eyes on you the whole time. 

////

When you have Trish over one night and she sees Joel walking into his house she tells you that Tess and Joel aren't together anymore. 

"She's with some guy across town," Trish tells you as she strokes her swollen belly one night over at your place. "Has been for a while. Does patrols with him."

You realize it only took so long to notice because you willed yourself not to think about that house or its inhabitants. 

"Makes more sense to me than grumpy ever did," Trish says with a wave towards his place. 

You nod but Trish has adopted a frown and her eyeline is wet. Ever since she's been pregnant she's been more emotional. 

"But now he's all alone again."

'"Maybe he deserves it," you answer tightly.  

///

In early June there's an unexpected heat wave that has all sorts of insects popping up. 

You talk with your coworkers and they tell you the horses will need blankets to keep them protected. Midges, one of the women tell you. Midges are horrible for those baby foals.

You're in charge of delivering them that warm afternoon, your hair sticking to your temples as you round the barn. 

Markus is there tethering some of the horses. He smiles when he sees you arrive, waving and ushering you into the large office to cool down.

It’s nice in here, a large desk and window with chairs that smell like fresh pine. They must have been carved here because they are so ornate, so delicate to have been moved from place to place.

"I like your dress," Markus offers with a shy smile as he passes you the metal water bottle he carries everywhere. You take a grateful sip before pushing it back to him.

"Oh," you thank him, fingering the skirt of the dress with its warm butter yellow color and sweet hand embroidered daisies. You motion to the blankets in your arms. 

"Just dropping these off before I head home."

"Perfect," Markus takes some of the pile from you gratefully. "The new babies are gonna love 'em. The midges are brutal this year."

"Happy to help."

Another figure strides into the building, shaking the bag his shoulder as he enters, speaking gruffly. 

"Fucking hot out there. Gonna need extra water for the foals. And something to cover 'em with."

It's Joel Miller. 

Of course it is. 

"Good timing," Markus laughs in Joel's direction before motioning to you standing there with the blankets in your arms. "She just brought a bunch of blankets for them."

Joel stills as his focus moves to include you. He holds himself stiffly, trying not to draw attention to his sudden behavioral anomaly. You're hidden behind Markus, not wanting to be seen by Joel. 

"Uh, Nightshade needs to be tied up," Joel finishes lamely, his words drifting off when he sees how close you are to Markus. 

"Already done."

Joel glances at the bundle of blankets that are still in your arms then casts a sharp look at your face. You drag your eyes away, forcing them to Markus.

“Thanks for the water.”

Joel moves into the cramped office in the back of the building, his wide shoulders flexing under his t-shirt as he goes. You do your best not to follow his frame as it leaves. 

"It's nice to talk to ya,' Markus says, turning back to face you. "Feels like it's been a while. Miss us all hangin' out."

You see Joel stopping at the door of the office, reaching to grab something on the wall. You try your best to ignore him.

Despite the fact that Markus and you aren't dating, you realize it must not look that way to Joel. 

"Same here." You feel your pulse picking up a bit. "I'm happy the baby is here safe and healthy. Just not happy that it came so early we didn't have a proper send off party."

"There's always the wedding next month," Markus suggests. "You better save me a dance."

You can feel Joel's glare from here. 

"Only if you don't mind being seen in public with the worst dancer in Jackson City," you laugh. Your voice is cheery and you're smiling warmly, but the chill of Joel's glare is going through you. 

You make a move to leave, anxious to be away from him. But Markus taps you gently on the wrist, forcing your attention back.

"I wanted to know if you were around for a drink tonight." Markus says abruptly, his voice lowered so Joel can't hear. 

He winds rope around his palm and bicep, looking to you expectantly. You're confused at the intensity in Markus' face.

"Should we invite -"

"Just you and me."

His reply surprises you. After the incident in your bedroom with Markus back in December you two haven't been alone together. Haven't spoken about it and that's suited you just fine. 

You'd just thought about it as a onetime fling for the both of you. But judging by the way Markus' gaze is drifting down your body he's hoping for a repeat performance. And why not? You're both single, both attractive. Why shouldn't you give into those carnal desires? 

"I thought maybe we could hang out at your place after," Markus says softly. "Only if you want."

You feel your cheeks pink at the confirmation. You can see Joel in your peripherals busying himself. You wonder how much he's heard and then decide you hope he's heard it all. Fuck him. 

"Sure. I'd love to." 

"Yeah?" Markus looks both relieved and excited. "Pick you up at eight?"

"Sounds great."

"Markus!" Joel barks sharply from inside his office. "Last time I checked animals die when they're dehydrated."

Markus ducks his head bashfully. "Sorry Joel! On it!"

You watch him give a pleased smile that rouges his cheeks as be begins filling up the water pails. Markus moves past you out into the stables, the door shutting behind him. 

Then it's just you and Joel. He's in the office writing, you can hear the scratch of the old ballpoint. You consider just leaving but you hate how he just treated Markus. And if you don't stop it now, it'll just continue. 

You march into his office with the bundle of blankets. 

"Couldn't give them water yourself?"

"It's his job," Joel replies. 

"You know what I mean." Your tone is cool and even. "Shouting at him like that? Ordering him around?"

"I wasn't. You must be reading into things. You're good at that." He lets the pen fall onto the desk at that. "You're not actually going out with him are you?"

"Why do you care?" 

Any amusement in Joel's eyes is gone. "Gonna let him fuck you?" 

You bite back a scathing comment and instead you throw the bundle of blankets you've been holding onto his desk. His notes go fluttering everywhere. 

"Tell the group if you need more," you spit. "I'll get Mary to drop them off next time."

Joel's cheeks have gone red, his jaw ticking at her clenches his teeth. You knew messing up his desk would piss him off and you're pleased. But his eyes aren't hard, they're impossibly heated and they're trailing over your dress, exposed now that you've dropped the fabric onto his desk. 

You can almost hear the sound of his brain buffering when he realizes what you're wearing. 

The yellow sundress with embroidered daisies. And you’re taken back to months ago, standing outside the Tipsy Bison with Joel looking uncharacteristically earnest as he spoke.

“Do you remember what you were wearin’ that night?”

“No”

“Dress. Yellow with little flowers. You could see your tits through the fabric, hard nipples 'n all. You kept bumping into me, your skin all smooth. I couldn't stay there beside you the whole movie. Not when you looked like that. Not when all I could think about was fucking you.”

You don't have enough time to react. He rises up from behind his desk, stalking in your direction before he kicks the door behind you closed.  

"Joel what-"

He large hands go to your shoulders and he brings down the straps of your dress harshly, tugging the top down and freeing your naked breasts to the air. You gasp.

"I was mad at myself for wantin' you so bad. Wanted to punish you for makin’ me want you.”

Your nipples crinkle under his tongue, his hands cupping your breasts, kneading them between licks and sucks to those straining nubs. 

Anything you were about to say is erased. Gone from your mind and replaced with the sensation of Joel's mouth on you. He sucks, tongue laving at you as shots of electricity pull through your body, tugging at your navel.

Your hand is at the back of his neck, tangled in his curls, urging him to take more. To suck and taste and lick. You tilt your head back, exposing the column of your throat. 

But then he stretches and takes you by the elbow, whirling you around to face away from him. With a sharp movement he clears his desk completely, sending blankets and paper and pens sailing to the ground before bending you over it. 

He bunches your dress up to your hips before tugging down your panties. 

"You're fucking cruel," Joel grunts and you can hear him fumbling with his belt buckle and zipper. You know he's not going to be patient when you feel his cock being slotted against the seam of your cunt. 

"You knew what you were doing," he grunts as he thrusts up into you causing your body to jolt. "You knew the minute you put on that dress."

You moan by way of reply because right now he feels so fucking good. He's got one hand braced between your shoulder blades, holding you down and propping your ass at an angle so you can best take his cock through your swollen and dripping folds. 

He feels so right between your thighs and you never want him to stop. You don't care that he's a bastard. You want him, you need him. 

"Tried to make me feel bad all those months," Joel is mumbling through hisses of pleasure. "Acted like you didn't want me."

"I didn’t"

"Well she did," Joel growls, sliding his fingers over your clit. Tingles shoot their way through your entire body. 

You moan at the desire clouding his voice like smoke. You’re nodding, gasping "Yes" over and over like a prayer. 

"You let me taste paradise and took it away," Joel growls as he fucks you. "Ignored me. Let me believe you didn't want me."

"I don't want you," you gasp, your cheek biting into the wood of the table.

“Yeah you do," Joel says as he licks his lips. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here letting me fuck you on my desk with a pussy so wet she's already left a puddle."

"I'm not --"

"If you hated this you wouldn't be tryin' to keep quiet so your little boyfriend doesn't hear me fucking you."

"Not my b-boyfriend," you argue without power behind your words. You don't care about Markus. All you care about is coming on Joel's cock. 

"Good ,"Joel rasps, pulling at your hair and causing you to arch back off the table. "Cuz he hasn't been fucking you right. Maybe he needs some lessons on satisfying you because I know how much you love taking cock." 

You're trying to formulate a reply but you're boneless, your body jolting with every thrust. He feels so good, his fingers working your clit as he slams into you. He's nudging your feet apart with his boots so he can fuck you deeper. 

"Or maybe I'll just get you to make deliveries here every week," Joel grunts into your ear, his hips slapping into your ass loudly. "Then I'll make you suck my cock under my desk while I have a meeting with your boyfriend. How does that sound?"

You're moaning at the thought of it. You hate that this taboo acknowledgement is turning you on so much. 

"You like that?" Joel is pounding you harder now, his movements severe. His hips snack against your bare ass as you take his cock deeper. The desk jumps a little with each thrust. 

"You like the idea of bein' fucked in secret, pretty eyes? My dirty little secret?"

The pleasure of his words and his cock is rolling you over the edge. He feels so perfectly there filling you so wonderfully. He’s jerked you back to him, his tongue licking at the pulse of your neck.

"You locked your window," Joel rasps, nipping your chin. "Why’d you keep it locked?"

"I was mad at you," you answer through grunts. 

"Liar," Joel hisses at you, his cock thrusting in and out, grazing your clit. He forces you back over the desk, bending and accommodating his girth as his hips shifts against the meat of your ass. "Tell the truth."

"I was . .. scared."

"Of what."

"Of you."

A swift palm comes to strike your ass cheek. Not hard, not painful, but surprising. 

"Truth," is all he says before his palm rubs over where he slapped. He's pulling you back against his cock, fucking you still. 

"I was afraid Tess-"

Another smack to your ass. "Try again."

"People breaking in -"

Another smack. And another one when you try another lie. 

"Cuz if I left it unlocked I knew you were gonna use it," you finally admit, your face flushed and your eyes wet. "And I wasn't gonna be able to say no."

"There we go," Joel soothes, rubbing his palm along your flanks. His thumb comes to your chin, tilting your head back so your eyes are on him. "You want me to use it, don't you?"

"No," you lie, your hips moving in tandem with his. You're close, so close to that bliss.. 

"Fucking liar," Joel growls lowly. 

Then he pulls from you viciously and you cry out, immediately missing the sensation. He whirls you around to face him before shoving you up onto the desk. He steps between your parted thighs with your legs on either side of his hips and his cock is slipping into you again. You hold his shoulders, bouncing against him and biting your lip to keep from moaning. 

"You walk around in this fucking dress, throwing yourself anyone but me?" Joel is panting as he glares down at you, his thumb circling the pearl of your clit as you arch against him. "I already told you this cunt is mine. No one fucks it but me."

"Not yours-" you're slurring. 

"She's mine, baby" Joel assures you, pulling out savagely and then realigning himself up at you entrance. "Just look how she takes me."

You hate yourself for looking, but you do. You look down the length of your body and watch as Joel's beautiful cock slides into you. Its wet and thick and so fucking gorgeous. But it's Joel's eyes, his big beautiful blackened eyes half-lidded and smirking down at you that has you squirming with pleasure.

"Joel," you whimper. "Feels..."

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

His voice so soft and smooth. You nod, your body jerking with every deep thrust.

"Cuz this cunt is mine, isn't she, pretty eyes?"

You nod again. 

"You gonna let that boy touch my cunt?"

You shake your head. 

"Gonna let him fuck your mouth?"

Another shake of your head.

"Use your words."

"Only you."

He smiles serenely at you, his hips shifting and circling. He extends this pleasure, watching your face as you groan out his name, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. 

"Atta girl," Joel coos. 

Your body is tingling as your orgasm hits through you like a warm bath, spreading through every part of your body, making you tremble and whimper, making a mess where the two of you remained joined, Joel’s cock still. 

"Oh yes, baby," Joel croons as he watches you spasm on his cock. "Feels so good doesn't it? I always know how to make you feel good."

When you come down he pulls himself out with a long grunt and begins to stroke himself in earnest. 

"Where do you want it?"

Still panting you look up at Joel with a dazed smile. He watches you lean back until you're laying with your spine flush on the desk. You spread your legs for him there, putting yourself on full display for him. 

He makes a low groaning noise, murmuring about her can't wait to taste you again as you're sliding your palm down your abdomen, your second and middle finger coming to part the glistening lips of your pussy to him. You look up at him through your lashes, smiling. 

"There?" Joel chokes out, his eyes fixed on the delicious sight of your soaking cunt exposed lascivious for him. 

"Yeah," you say with a sigh, tilting back. "Right there."

"F-fuck-k," he chokes out, his eyes fixed between your legs. "She wants my come."

"She does," you whimper, parting your thighs further.  

Joel's hand is a blur, pumping and circling. 

"Mark my pussy with your come, Joel." You beg, your hands pressing your thighs open to the desk. "She's yours."

He gives out a garbled grunt as he comes, thick ropes hitting your thighs and cunt, decorating you with his spend as you murmur your desire for more and more.

He's panting above you, one hand still braced on the desk. He watches you laying there looking up at the ceiling with a small smile on your face. 

With one of the blankets he cleans you up the best he can, tucking himself away and then he grins, reaching for you and pulling you to sit atop the desk. He's still in the vee of your legs but he brings your dress down, covering you. 

You look at him questioningly. This is usually the part where he leaves. The silence. Instead his eyes are warm and one of his hands comes to cup your cheek.

"So perfect," he says moving his face towards yours. You know he's about to kiss you and you tilt away from him. You two don’t kiss. Not really. He looks irritated until he sees the tears gathered along your lash line. 

Joel's other hand goes to cup your other cheek and he gently cranes your face towards his. 

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m horrible,” you whisper, sniffling.

"How are you horrible?"

"Because I don't do things like this," you explain through sniffling. "I don't have sex with perfectly nice guys in windows so other guys can jerk off to it. I don't let strangers fuck my mouth and come on me and then have them go down on me and act don't care if I see them again. I don’t hate someone and then let them fuck me like this. I don't fuck men in relationships."

"I'm not with-"

"But you were and we did."

"It was my fuck up," Joel tells you in a rumble. "Not yours. You went along with it but I never shoulda done it. Not when I was with Tess, not when I knew how I felt about y-"

He stops abruptly seeing that you’re shaking your head, tears beginning in earnest. 

"Pretty eyes don't cry, please."

It's the first time he's used the nickname outside of a sexual activity between the two of you and it startles you to staring up at him. 

"Please," he all but whispers. He's so close you could count the freckles along his lean neck. 

"Stop," you insist, wrenching from him.

Joel stumbles back as you push him from you. You throw yourself from the table and stride from the room out into the barn, slamming the door before he can say another word.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #pedro pascal #smut #fanfiction #fanfic #dad joel miller #dark!joel x reader #dark!joel miller #dark!joel

[aroaceleovaldez]

...Has anyone else noticed that everyone defending Will"s characterization in this book. Hasn't actually hit upon any of the things people are upset about? I keep seeing people talking about how he always was portrayed with anxiety and, yeah, we're not contesting that; I'm upset about how he inexplicably won't let Nico shadow travel despite the fact that he shadow travels with Nico all the time, and I'm upset that the book fails to differentiate between constantly trying to "fix" Nico and trying to get him to rest because he was literally going to die that one time.

I honestly did not at all get the feeling from this book that Will was supposed to have an anxiety disorder. As someone with an anxiety disorder. When we're in Will's head it... doesn't feel like an anxiety disorder. Ever. Maybe some normal level anxiety at best? But it literally just feels like dread and apprehension because they're going on a quest to literal superhell. Not an anxiety disorder.

I definitely agree that Will constantly trying to "fix" Nico is incredibly annoying, and is one of my major gripes too, especially since the narrative keeps trying to prove Will right and validate Nico being in the wrong constantly. And yeah I totally agree the mischaracterization of Will fussing over Nico when he's literally one foot in the grave in misinterpreting that to be Will never allowing Nico to use his powers (and conversely, when Nico attempts to do the same thing paint it as Nico being harmful and not knowing what's best for Will, despite Will apparently being entirely in the right for Nico according to the narrative. The book just can't stop infantilizing Nico and making him completely helpless. grrrr.)

The main mischaracterization issue I take with Will is that they made him an asshole. Just an absolute insensitive huge asshole. This isn't even like low-empathy/autistic Will not realizing he's being rude, it's him actively being mean and the narrative never showing repercussions of that, only validating him. Will is a complete and total asshole, particularly to Nico, and the book says he is right about it. Which is HORRIBLE. And this is completely atypical to how we've seen Will in the past! In TLO, Will is serious but empathetic. In most of HoO, he's chill and lax and helpful. In TOA he's both. The only time Will is somewhat rude is in BoO when he's actively trying to keep Nico from keeling over and also this is the first time we see them interact significantly, so we can chalk up this discrepancy to just them trying to find their footing talking to each other. It's absolutely not the kind of dynamic they'd have one year into their relationship (especially not when we literally never see this in TOA). The book also completely retcons the fact that Will actually has an incredibly strong stomach due to being a medic, if not actually finding typically "gross" stuff kind of amusing. The closest acknowledgement we get to that in TSATS is Will liking true crime podcasts, but that honestly just feels like more of a joke poking fun at millennials/gen z kids being really into true crime. At every other point he gets so easily off-put, disgusted, and revolted by absolutely everything. I mean, heck, there's the whole bug house thing - Apollo is literally the god of midges and locusts! That's not a joke, that is a legitimate thing. He's also the father of the god of bees. Give me Will seeing the bug house and going "Oh shit that's epic." We should have gotten Will stumbling through the entire Underworld going "Oh, gross! I love it!" (I've heard others also compare Will's disgust towards the Underworld as feeling coded like someone refusing to respect their partner's culture, which I think is also a very accurate comparison and particularly notable given Nico canonically immigrated to the United States).

Besides the anxiety disorder thing, heck, I asked the PJO discord if anyone could check their ebooks/pdfs and it doesn't seem like the book even references ADHD/dyslexia, which is the literal foundations of the entire series. And throughout the entire book we never get any notes about it, or do Will or Nico ever show any traits of it. The closest we get is Will bounces his leg like one time. They couldn't even get that much right. Not to mention them referencing Nico's eating disorder at the beginning of the book and then immediately forgetting about it and it being implied to be "cured" by the end, and them only remembering Nico's autistic traits when it was to infantilize him, and in general them handling PTSD and depression extremely poorly. Basically the only neurodivergence/mental health topic they touched upon that actually seemed to be done somewhat well was Will have a very overt seasonal affective disorder metaphor/coding. And admittedly, it's kind of hard to fuck that one up with how they coded it.

Literally the only reasons I can think for them characterizing Will as they did in this book are:

a.) They completely mixed him up with Michael Yew, aka basically the only other Apollo kid with a fleshed out personality (and that personality is "asshole") b.) the book was blatantly going for a Percabeth 2 dynamic, and so tried to make Will some awkward fusion between Percy's snark and Annabeth's stubbornness and know-it-all attitudes, resulting in him just being a Huge Jerk c.) Solangelo had too healthy of a dynamic in previous books and to create conflict that would inevitably be overcome within the book they had to completely change Will and Nico's characters to insert it into the story for narrative purposes or d.) they were entirely drawing upon popular "fanon" for solangelo, particularly back from pre-TOA (circa 2014-2016), and because Will in that era was usually characterized as somewhat of an asshole due to his behavior in BoO and everybody was still trying to figure out what to do with him, that interpretation of his character was put into the book.

Whatever the case, it's definitely disappointing and they really didn't succeed in trying to code Will as having an anxiety disorder at all.

#will solace #tsats #the sun and the star #pjo #riordanverse #tsats spoilers #the sun and the star spoilers #ask #Anonymous #analysis #ask to tag #i should not i dont actually go into the pjo tags often so i have no idea what other people are saying about this really #save for what i see in my notifs/inbox and discussions on the discord #and i dont actually follow many pjo blogs. i follow like 3 which post pjo semi-regularly and thats about it #so these are almost entirely my own opinions on the matter #if anybody has any other posts discussing some of these topics that they'd like to recommend me feel free #if it wasnt obvious by the entirety of my blog i love analysis so its always interesting to read that type of stuff for me #long post //

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Tilting at Wind Mills

(Yes I know Bucky isn’t Jewish in the movies. No, I don’t care, he’s Jewish in every fic I write lol)

MCU/Mrs. Maisel Crossover.

1941

"I just don't see why I can't come with," Steve complains as he watches his friend get dressed up. "I'd be respectful."

"Because you can't fast," Bucky reminds him. "Yom Kippur is the one where you can't eat, remember? You'd black out in synagogue." 

Steve sighs. "Bring me leftovers from the break fast?" 

Bucky grins. "That I can do. Okay. Off to the Upper West Side I go. Wish me luck. Maybe I'll meet a rich, pretty girl."

It earns him an eye roll. "Leave."

He does. 

*****

He steps up in front of the ornate apartment building and adjusts his tie as his sister steps up to join him. 

"Ready for a fun-filled day of atonement with the family who has no idea what to do with us?" Ricky Barnes asks teasingly. 

"An entire day with the Sackville-Weissman's," Bucky jokes. 

Ricky rolls her eyes. "You and your Tolkein."

"If you'd just give it a chance-"

"Are you two going to come upstairs and join us?" 

It's a familiar voice. Tired and elderly, but infused with warmth, and soon both of them are wrapped in the arms of their grandfather. 

"Hi, Zeyde," they chorus. 

He chuckles. "Hello, kinder. I was just taking a walk. Getting away from the chaos of trying to convince Noah that God doesn't want him to eat today."

Bucky chuckles. "Every year with that kid." 

Chaim Weissman looks them both over critically. "You both look good. Strong. I was worried after your mother passed last year…"

"We're not that far away to check on, Zeyde," Ricky reminds him carefully. 

"That's on me," he admits. "Brooklyn is full of memories. I miss your mother very much. I never dreamed outliving one of my children." 

Bucky squeezes the man's shoulder. "Let's go check on Uncle Abe. See if he's blown a gasket yet."

*****

Services are long, and Bucky is hungry but he's got an eight-year-old girl cousin who is funny and they make dumb faces at each other when no one is looking. 

Noah and Midge are significantly younger than Bucky, but it's kind of nice. Noah is twelve and too smart. Midge, the aforementioned eight and funny and intuitive. 

Bucky isn't comfortable with his uncle and aunt's wealth (adding Sackville to the front of their name isn't a total joke), but he loves seeing his cousins and grandfather. 

These dinners used to end in arguments, before Bucky's mother passed away. About family responsibility. About money. About the fact that the Weissman's have quite a lot, while the Barnes branch rarely had enough (mostly due to Bucky and Ricky's father magically disappearing back in 37).

"You know, James," Aunt Rose tells him at break fast as their housekeeper (fuck, seriously?) serves the food. "There are some lovely girls I could introduce you to."

Zeyde tries not to roll his eyes. 

"I'm good, thank you," Bucky assures her. "I'm not really ready to settle down." 

"Of course not," Uncle Abe agrees. "He's young, Rose. He's sowing his oats." 

"And we’re likely going to war soon," Zeyde chimes in. "James is strong. They'll want him to fight." 

Midge taps him on the shoulder from next to him at the table and Bucky leans down to listen as she whispers in his ear. 

"Don't die, or I'll find you in the afterlife and give you a wedgie."

Bucky laughs and wraps her in his big arms, giving her a tight hug. "Okay, Midge. You got it." 

*****

1945

At thirteen, Miriam Weissman attends her first funeral. 

There's no body to bury, so it's really just a memorial for her cousin. 

Bucky was always nice to her. Good natured and charming. Quick-witted. On Hanukkah when she was six, he taught her to make potato knish from scratch while Zeyde critiqued from the kitchen table. 

"No side seat cooking," Bucky had joked. "You wanna teach her, you come over and teach her." 

There's a handsome blonde man -Captain America - speaking to the congregation about her cousin. About what kind of man he was, and it all rings true. 

Midge remembers Steve. He used to come with Bucky to dinners sometimes. Small. Always polite. When she was little, he drew her a pretty picture of a flower that she still has framed on her wall. 

He looks so deeply sad, and Midge looks at her hands to avoid crying. 

Captain America dies not long after Bucky does. 

She pulls the picture he drew off her wall and stows it away. 

****

1950

Just before he passes away, Chaim Weissman promises his pretty granddaughter he'll make good on that wedgie when he catches up to James in the afterlife. 

Midge laughs and cries at that. 

*****

November, 1954 

“Congratulations,” a soft voice says. The accent is British, and Midge frowns as she turns her head. 

She gave birth to her first child just a few hours ago, and she’s exhausted, so she’s not even sure if this is real, but there, sitting next to her is a beautiful woman. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Dressed in a sharp skirt suit. 

“Thanks?” Midge tries, blinking rapidly.  

The woman smiles. “We haven’t met. My name is Peggy Carter. I worked with your cousin, Sergeant Barnes and his friend, Captain Rogers.” 

Midge blinks rapidly, looking surprised. “I…did you find something? Did you find-” 

Peggy reaches out then, placing a hand on Midge’s. “I’m sorry. No. That isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to ask for your help.” 

“Me?” Midge asks. 

Peggy nods. “My agency has multiple operatives who work under deep cover,” she explains. “It’s very dangerous. It’s very isolating. It’s difficult for them, at times, to keep their humanity intact. Bucky spoke fondly of you. That you were his favorite cousin. I know that you’ll be busy with your new addition for a while. But after…I was wondering if I could send them your way for a warm meal every now and then.” 

Midge bites her lip. 

“You won’t be involved in anything they’re doing,” Peggy promises. “You won’t be asked to carry secrets. They’ll be sent in under the guise of old friends of your cousin’s. And in quite a few cases, it won’t be a lie. Just dinner.” 

Midge thinks about that for a moment. About how she wishes she could make knish with her favorite cousin again. 

And she nods. “Give me a few months to get this motherhood thing under control, and then send ‘em my way.” 

Peggy smiles at her. “You’ll get forty-eight hours warning each time. Expect a call in six months.” 

“Your friends better be ready for the best meal of their lives,” Midge smirks. 

The older woman chuckles as she gets to her feet. “You are very related to James Barnes.” 

“Damn right.” 

*****

1955 

“Who’s coming over for dinner?” Joel asks. 

Midge smiles. “Just an old friend of my cousin’s.” 

“And his name is Dum-Dum?” Joel scoffs. “What the fuck kinda name is that?” 

Midge shrugs and smiles wider. 

***** 

December 1957

At eight months pregnant with baby number two, Midge knows she shouldn't be running around late at night, but she forgot the extra potatoes for the knish tomorrow and she can't sleep anyway, so she finds herself at a corner market. 

There's only one other shopper this late and he's a big man in a bulky coat, gathering pears into a bag. 

There's something unsettling about the man. And familiar. 

"Late night snack?" She asks. 

He glances at her. 

"I forgot the potatoes for the knish. My husband hates them but I love them." 

Still no answer, but he becomes more familiar the more she looks at him. 

Midge tilts her head. "You remind me of someone." 

He drops his pears and storms out.

She frowns down at them, laying on the floor, the only evidence the man was ever there at all. 

*****

1964

Lenny Bruce loves his second wife but some fucking times he is very confused by her. 

Like now. 

He's hanging out with her on tour in California. It's late. He's tired. But he's chasing after her as her heels click quickly down the street. 

"Midge-"

"Saw a ghost!"

"Midge, for christ sake, what does that even mean?" 

"What do you mean what does that mean? It means I saw a ghost."

"Friend or foe?" Lenny asks. 

"Family."

"So both."

She stops and frowns as she looks around the empty LA street. "I could have sworn…" 

Lenny catches up, taking her hand and giving her a gentle tug. "Midge, talk to me."

Midge bites her lip, looking around and then back at him. "I had a cousin die in action in 45."

Lenny frowns. "I didn't know…"

"Papa had an older sister," Midge explains. "She had two kids, and one was a boy. James. His name was James and he was fun. Nice to me. Anyways, I…they never recovered his body, and…just before Esther was born I ran into someone who looked…so much like him. In the eyes. And now…" 

"That guy on the corner?" 

She nods. 

He pulls her close. "You know, grief is strange, and long, Sweetheart. I'm not saying you're crazy, but this might be leftover shit from his death."

Midge considers that, cuddling in against him. "I guess it could be. I was so sure, though." 

"Evening, folks," a man says with a smile as he walks up. "Late for anybody to be wandering around."

"Well, we're comics," Lenny explains. "Terrible creatures of the night. And ghost hunters, apparently."

"Say, you're Lenny Bruce and Midge Maisel," the man marvels. "I don't suppose I could get an autograph." 

Midge smiles kindly and unwraps from Lenny. "If you've got paper and pen, we've got autographs. Who are we making it out to?" 

"Alexander," he replies, as he pulls out a little pad of paper and a pen. "Alexander Pierce." 

Lenny watches the man as he waves the pen in a strange way, and suddenly the street seems to settle around them in a way it hadn't before. As if someone who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place had gone. 

He signs quickly, letting Midge make small talk with this Pierce guy, and when they finally head back for their hotel, Lenny is so fucking relieved. 

*****

2014

The Village Vanguard 

"Good evening, everyone. I'm Mrs. Maisel and Captain fucking America is sitting in the back, holy shit."

The crowd- Steve included - laughs. 

"I have a secret to tell you," she says closely to the microphone. "I knew Captain America when he was just a scrawny Brooklyn kid who could get knocked over by a stiff breeze. And boy fucking howdy do I have stories." 

Steve laughs more and shakes his head. Sam is laughing too. 

"Have you ever watched a 98 pound gentile try to flirt with the tallest Jewish girl in the room?" Midge asks. "Let's settle in. It's summer, 1939. He is the only goy at our Catskills resort, and he is in it to win it with Shira Farber, who is six foot one and could break him in two. Now, as a little girl I just thought it was silly. As an adult? I have to ask: Steve, are you just really into women stepping on you? Because that is what would have happened if you'd succeeded." 

The audience laughs and Steve rubs his face. "I asked for this by showing up, didn't I?"

"Getting roasted by an 81 year old woman who's done it professionally since the 60s? Yeah." 

"Is it wrong to talk about Captain America and sex?" Midge asks. "Does being a symbol of the ideal America preclude you from wanting a good fuck? Not that he has to want to fuck, but is it because he doesn't want to fuck or because the government doesn't want him to fuck? I bet those USO girls back in the day knew the answer to that question." 

Sam slowly looks at Steve. 

Who turns red. 

"I mean that begs the question: is the American dream sexless?" Midge asks. "We've always been disturbingly puritanical, haven't we? My late husband got arrested how many times for dirty jokes? Where is the we like to fuck political party? Where's the candidate handing out Plan B at their town halls? You know. Just in case. Sure, we want liberty, but a lot of us also want orgasms. What is congress' plan to increase getting off in the coming fiscal year? Not that kind of coming. I mean I hope I'll be coming sometime in the next fiscal year." 

Sam laughs loudly at that. 

"Yeah, Mr. Falcon thought that was funny. I bet he fucks." 

Steve laughs at that one as Sam shrugs sheepishly. 

"Can you imagine being the woman to take Captain America's virginity?" Midge asks. "Steve, when you made it with a woman for the first time, did you sing the National Anthem?" 

Steve laughs and plays along. "My Country Tis of Thee!" He calls back, making the audience, and Midge laugh. 

"Good answer," Midge praises. "People think Captain America, they think patriotism. They think of earnest heroism. I think that guy at the Seder table who insisted on eating the horse radish and then hogged the bathroom for an hour. Steve, you were not the only one with a sensitive stomach that night Steve." 

"Seven days of Passover, seven days of lighting a scented candle in the bathroom because you may think Captain America's shit smells like fresh apple pie, but I can assure you it does not." 

Amidst the applause she beams. "I'm Mrs. Maisel. You've been wonderful. Captain America is still a great sport. Thank you and goodnight!" 

*****

Midge smiles at them as she sits in the little dressing room. 

"Hi, Midge," Steve grins sadly. "Great set." 

"Thanks for playing along," she says. "But I'm guessing you're here about Bucky." 

Steve nods solemnly. "I guess you heard."

"Hard not to," Midge tells him. "When they didn't find the body, his sister and my grandfather held out hope that maybe he'd survived…and now I know that the handful of times I thought I saw him, I probably did. Maybe…maybe he remembered me a little through the brainwashing." 

"We're gonna find him," Sam promises. 

She smiles sadly. "If you do, tell him Cousin Midge says hello." 

*****

2018

To the Ruler of Wakanda, King T'Challa 

My name is Miriam Weissman-Bruce. The world at large mostly knows me as Midge Maisel, and I make people laugh for a living. 

We've never met, but it seems your country is currently taking care of a family member we all thought had died back in the 40s. 

I write to you because he hasn't returned any of my letters. I know he's received them. Wakandan mail is top notch, and I know he has the ability to write back; The idiot lost his non-dominant hand. 

I think he's too ashamed to talk to me. 

I write to you not just to complain like the truly Jewish woman I am, but to request permission to visit him in Wakanda. I ask no special treatment (though if you have comedy clubs, I'd be more than happy to perform and make fun of America for your citizens), I only want to see James sooner rather than later. I'm pushing 90. I'm figuring I don't have time for him to get his shit together. 

Can I say 'shit' to foreign royalty? I guess I'll find out. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Miriam "Midge Maisel" Weissman-Bruce 

*****

Bucky Barnes narrows his eyes as Ayo holds the hand of a small, shriveled white woman, helping her through the field toward Bucky’s hut.

“You know, I know several fashion designers who would cut off their own left foot to make clothes for you,” the older woman chats. “Really. You are stunning. And so tall.” 

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, realizing who the old woman is. He holds back tears and takes a breath. “Everybody’s tall to you Midge. You’ve been short your whole life.” 

“The curse of the Ashkenazi Jewish woman,” Midge jokes. “Short as fuck.” 

“What is she doing here, Ayo?” 

“She petitioned our king for a visit,” Ayo tells him. “And she promised him a comedy show. And then when she got here, she insisted on cooking for the royal family to express her gratitude.” 

“We’re Jews,” Midge chimes in. “We’re very good at feeding people.” 

“Are you telling me you made dinner, and I missed it?” Bucky asks, feeling deeply disappointed suddenly. 

“It’s tomorrow night,” Midge assures him, waving the free hand that isn’t holding onto Ayo. “I was told I had to come knock some fucking sense into you first.” 

“Sense?” Bucky asks, offended.

“Fucking sense,” Midge corrects him. “Not responding to my letters. What the fuck, James?” 

“I like her,” Ayo grins as she helps Midge settle onto a little bench near the hut. “I cannot believe you are related. She is much funnier than you are, Barnes.” 

“Well, she did make a career out of it,” Bucky points out. 

Midge looks up at him curiously. “You’ve heard my material?” 

“When I found out, I bought all your records,” he tells her, sitting next to her and taking her hand. “Hi, Midge.” 

Her eyes well up with tears and her unsteady hand squeezes his. “Hi, Bucky. How’s life?” 

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I caught some fish yesterday.” 

Midge laughs and shakes her head. “My husband loved to fish. You would have hated him and then loved him after you got to know him better.” 

Bucky smiles, letting go of her hand to wrap his arm around her. “Tell me all about it.”

#fic #au #crossovers #tmmm #mcu #Midge Maisel #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #Sam Wilson #Midge x Lenny #Peggy Carter #I hope people like this one I loved writing it #Ayo

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

43. Stay Stay Stay

He stayed. 

After the fight last night, a fight that’s been brewing for a long time, she expected him to walk out. He threw some harsh words at her, she threw a glass back at him, and she really, really thought this was it. That her trust issues and his drug problem were going to finally drive a permanent wedge between them.

But she wakes up to find him next to her. Not wrapped around her like usual, but still...here. He shifts a little, rolling over to face her, and he looks like he’s been awake longer than she has.

“You stayed,” she breathes.

Lenny nods slowly. “Yeah.”

“We...we should talk about...everything.”

He holds up a finger and rolls out of bed, leaving the bedroom, and Midge sits up in confusion as she listens to his footsteps get farther away. A few moments later, he returns. “Okay,” he says. “Let’s talk.”

She bursts into laughter, covering her mouth with her hand as he stands there in his undershirt, boxers, and Ethan’s bike helmet, the chin strap dangling on either side of his head. “Lenny,” she scolds through her giggles.

“Just trying to break the tension,” he reasons with a small grin. He sets the helmet down on her desk and moves back to the bed, sitting next to her.

She cautiously rests her hand on his, and he rubs his thumb over the edge of her hand. “Last night was bad,” she says quietly.

“Yeah, it was,” he agrees. “Why is this so hard?”

She sighs and shakes her head. “Because...because I have trouble trusting the good things in my life,” she admits. “And you...”

“Can’t stop getting high,” he finishes, averting his gaze to his lap.

Midge nods, tears in her eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone this much, Lenny,” she whispers.

“Me either,” he whispers. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Midge...I want - I need this to work.”

She nods again, twisting her hand so she can weave their fingers together. “So what do we do?” She asks, pulling their joined hands into her lap.

He sighs and wipes his free hand over his face. “I need to get help,” he mutters. “You’re right. I can’t keep doing this.”

“And I...maybe I need help too. I thought I’d gotten over Joel leaving, but...I think it’s affecting us.”

Lenny squeezes her hand. “If that’s what you need to do...”

“You don’t think I’m crazy?”

“Oh, I definitely think you’re crazy,” he teases, and she bumps his shoulder with her own. “But I love you for it.”

She rests her head on his shoulder. “So...you’ll get help, and I’ll get help, and we’ll see where we are when that’s all done?” She asks.

He kisses the top of her head. “I don’t think us fixing our shit requires a break up,” he murmurs against her hair. “But...if that’s what you want...”

She shakes her head. “It’s not,” she whispers, feeling more tears at even the thought of breaking up.

“We’ll figure this out, Midge,” he promises, crossing his other arm so he can grip her hand in both of his. “This is too good to let go of.”

She kisses his shoulder. “I’ll find an analyst this week. It’s been a while since I gave Mama a good nervous breakdown.”

Lenny chuckles. “And I’ll check myself into a looney bin.” She swats his chest with her hand. “A rehab facility,” he corrects.

“We’ll talk,” she promises. “We’ll make this work. You’re right, Lenny. This is too good to let go.”

He squeezes her hands and turns his head to kiss her slowly.

#midgelenny #midge x lenny #midgexlenny #tmmm fanfic #marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic #otp: more important than god #jackal fics #cw: drugs #tw: drugs #mltswift

[l8rs-gat0rs]

I regret to inform... (but also) good news about upcoming fics + name reveal

Soooo basically, I had 2 Eva requests left and I was going back and forth between working on both of them.

I am almost finished with one actually!

But sadly, I was deleting a different draft of something else I had been working on and I accidently deleted one of the Eva ones :(

the way I write is first I write everything on Tumblr (For formatting reasons) and then I copy and paste it in google docs to send to my editor, so regretfully, It wasn't backed up or anything yet since it wasn't finished. (Maybe I should start backing my work up though...)

I apologize to whichever Anon requested the one I deleted, I feel terrible, but I don't think I could recreate all the work I put into that fic so I will not be starting over.

However, I do hope you enjoy the one that will be coming out eventually.

in better news, if anyone is interested in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Midge x reader fic I said I would be writing, I finished that one and sent it to my editor so that one will be out extremely soon, she might actually be done with it today I think, I have to check with her.

after that comes out, I recently got another request, and to all my Moon Knight fans be ready because it is another Angsty MK fic!!!

but of course, The Eva fic I have already been working on will be done and posted before that one :)

lastly, I have a couple other Midge x reader ideas that miiight make it to the drafting stage but we will see 😌

If you haven't watched the marvelous Mrs. Maisel yet, the entire show is streaming on Amazon prime right now. It's an absolutely hilarious but also touching show (it helped me keep my sanity last semester in college) and there is no doubt in my mind that ya'll will fall in love with Midge because Rachel Brosnahan is just....PHEW. She's so gorgeous and I swear, I met her in real life twice and her gorgeous, contagious smile and beauty is just as prominent irl. So if you do happen to fall for her like I did (And my editor too actually haha) feel free to come back to my masterlist and read my fic(s) about Midge! Because there are also almost no x reader fics with Midge sadly.

Again, I sincerely apologize to whomever requested the fic that was deleted.

anyways, sorry for the long tangent! I hope ya'll will stay tuned for my other work :)

~Alisha 💝

(Yes this is the name reveal!!! haha)

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction writer #eva x reader #eva swarm #fanfic request #moon knight #midge x reader #the marvelous mrs. maisel #billie eilish x you #midge maisel #midge x female reader #rachel brosnahan

[sussex-nature-lover]

Sunday 7 August 2022

Wood in the Woods and Back To The Garden

For a few days we’ve been watching this large hornet on the cut end of a branch in the woods. There were also several flies and midge type insects, all apparently ok side by side. The flies are so bright, like luminous beetle wings. I think they look like those Semaphore flies that were on the pond or Ellen Terry’s famous beetle wing dress National Trust link.

We always read about the diverse biosphere within woodland and here it was demonstrated in front of our own eyes and so quickly too.

After such a long time only hearing the green woodpeckers, we’ve seen a lot of them lately and quite a few holes in the big, old trees around.

Back in the garden, the squirrels have been all over the hazel trees and the ground below is absolutely covered in nutshells, both ancient brown ones and the immature ones too.

We’ve actually dug up some oak saplings in the woods for transplanting to move to sensible locations. The amount of acorns we have suggests that’s going to be a recurring job because the squirrels have no spacial awareness and overcrowding was quite a problem.

Only part made of wood, but every morning I have to repair the bug hotel from its early hours attacks. At the end of the season I think I may have to deploy some wood glue or this is going to be yet another never ending job and it won’t help the bees either.

Away From the Wood

Looking around the flowers - which as you probably know are a bit thin on the ground in our garden (NO pun intended there, I promise🤸🏻‍♀️ ) I spotted this rogue orange poppy in the plant that Ms NWtE gave me at the start of summer.

That raised a smile, as did...

my large pink Hibiscus shrub having its first flowers of the year (1st August)This huge bush is going to be absolutely covered and aren’t they attractive.

Something else springing back to life is a New Zealand palm which we’d cut down as it’s directly outside a window and had absolutely blocked all the light. It’s doing really well again at a lower level. We’ve taken inspiration and cut down some trunks in the back garden too. Originally these were in pots but they outgrew them far too quickly and we now have a love-hate relationship with them. Hate as they’re incongruous in an English rural garden, love that they add a bit of a holiday destination feeling (love’s a bit strong, tolerate would be nearer the mark) but do love how the birds use and enjoy them, particularly nuthatch and woodpeckers.

Last night Crow called me to take pics of the sunset at the front of the house. To be honest, the photos really don’t do it justice, it was very striking.

The reason I’ve included two pictures though is to get my own back on him for last week’s bread-roll-hedgehog debacle. Do bear in mind that we’ve been together since we were at school and all our lives he’s had eyesight so much better than mine that I’ve had too many faux pas over the years. Of course since I had my bionic eyes and as time’s passed and the inevitable’s happened to his aging vision, the table’s have turned.

May I present you with his astonishment at the buzzard above the telegraph pole.

Let me tell you now, that buzzard had already booked its landing slot on one of the Gatwick runways. Mwah ha haaaaa. My hedgehog was SO much more believable and I won’t hear anyone say any different.

The plan for later on is to get out and survey the garden that’s been neglected all week. Before the hosepipe ban comes into effect at the end of the week we must tend to the pond, although as we really must prioritise Saving Water, I’ll be checking for more advice from the RSPB here. I think I’ll have to move a lot of our pots to more shady spots as a starter and that’s going to take a while, so I’d better crack on and see what else I can do to help. Small steps but they all count right?

#nature woodland flowers sunset naturephotography insects

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Will Vought, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Actor, comedian, and writer Will Vought stars in the most recent season of the critically acclaimed dramedy series, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Additional television credits include The Good Wife, The Good Fight, both Lipstick Jungle and Love Bites, Bones, and Wilfred. Will is also an accomplished comedian, having toured the country opening for Wayne Brady. He got his start in the entertainment industry by contributing to Scott Shannon’s #1 morning show on 95.5 WPLJ, offering David Letterman updates and recaps, which opened the door for him to work for Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Following his work with Conan, Will was offered a position in the West Wing of the White House, working for former President Bill Clinton, where he still continued his radio work on the weekends as the youngest morning show host in the country at just 22 years old. Will went on to serve as head writer for Wayne Brady during his time hosting the The Late Late Show prior to James Corden in 2014 on CBS, and he continues to collaborate with renowned actor and comedian Paul Reiser, including shopping a television pilot they wrote together with Julie Bergman. We got the chance to ask him some questions. Check it out:

Do you have a favorite character arc from season 3 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

For Season 3, I’m finding myself really interested in Susie and her journey. I don’t want to spoil it for those getting ready to start the new season or binge the series; however, in the first two seasons, Susie’s been hustling and primarily being of service to Midge while her personal life hangs on by a thread. In season 3, there are so many more layers introduced and opportunities that will ripple into not only her clout as a comedy manager but also her personal life. Also, I’m really invested in Lenny Bruce. Having read so much about him to see his plight on screen told through Amy’s lens is incredible. I don’t know anyone in comedy that doesn’t appreciate what Lenny Bruce did for comedians. The end of the Season 3 premiere is absolutely priceless seen thought the eyes of Tony Shalhoub’s Emmy Award-winning performance as Abe Weissman - Midge’s father.

If everything that you did was narrated, whose voice would you want narrating your life?

HA! That is a great question, and I’ve had to think about it. At first, I thought of the late great voice-over artist Don LaFontaine who moviegoers would remember as the “In A World…” guy who made millions voicing almost every movie trailer ever! BUT…truth be told I think that I would love Seinfeld's voice and lens, and I think it would make my day to day activities far more entertaining to listen to, especially when on the phone with my therapist.  

Can you tell us about a time you bombed (on stage or in an audition)?

Well…the thing that pops to mind was an audition for NBC’s series called Lipstick Jungle. At the time, I was living on Long Island and decided to make the mistake of driving into Manhattan for the audition. Traffic was abhorrent, and you would think that there were mass casualties on the Long Island Expressway resulting in me being almost an hour and forty-five minutes late for the audition. The director of that episode was the one and only Timothy Busfield, whom I loved on Arron Sorkin’s The West Wing. Tim played reporter Danny Concannon - Senior White House Correspondent.

I had no idea that Timothy was going to be at the audition and was mortified when I showed up and saw him in the room because I was so late. It’s not unheard of to not be seen at all if you are late, let alone hours late. I read for the part and left. Tim was gracious. A month later, I got a call saying that I didn’t book that role; however, they were writing me another role and wanted to hire me for it. While on set shooting, Tim told me that when they asked him if he had any ideas for the part and he said, “That guy who came in 2 hours late. He was great. Hire him.” So I thought I bombed — but it worked out in the end.

The USO Tour scene from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel broke the record for the most number of background actors used in a scene for tv in the state of New York (850). What was it like being a part of such a huge production?

I’ve never worked on Star Wars, but that’s what I was thinking of when we were filming that. It was by far the largest set I’ve ever been on, and yes there were almost 1000 background actors there for almost an entire week, who made up the audience of the USO show that you see in the season 3 premiere. When I met with Amy and Dan for the final audition for the role of Major Buck Brilstein, it was at Steiner Studios in Brooklyn in a small room that’s not much larger than a small studio apartment in Manhattan. It was the three of us and Emmy award-winning casting director Cindy Tolan. We did all the material from the episode, and to juxtapose that to being in an actual hanger with 1000 extras essentially filming a USO show that’s scripted — it was a historic moment in television that wasn’t lost on me.  

What was the audition experience like for your role on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?  

I kind of talk about that above. I had a great experience. As with anything, you have to go in a number of times, and then the final callback is with Amy and Dan Sherman Palladino. You are 2 feet away from her, there is a camera, and Cindy Tolan, the casting director, and you create the world and do the scenes — WORD PERFECT! That is a huge thing, and something I was told going in. Be word perfect every time. Their words are like notes on a page. Each one carefully picked and placed, and my job is to take them off the page and bring them to life with a sensibility of 1959 and a guy that’s a major in the army who always wanted to be a comedian but never really got the chance. So, my character is literally living his dream in this episode. Beyond that, you bring your A-game, nail it, and it’s up to Amy and Dan. It happened to go my way, and as I told Amy, I was grateful to get the invitation to play in her world. She wrote and directed this episode, so it was extra special.

Is there a specific role or moment that you feel has defined your career up to this point?

We’ll — this is pretty significant re: working with the Palladino’s.  I thought that The Good Wife was a big deal at the time — as I was part of Bob and Michelle King’s storyline that revealed Josh Charles’ character was murdered.  

It seems that I’m only allowed to act opposite actresses that have won 2 Emmy’s and 2 Golden Globes for Best Actress. LOL.  It’s truly a hard question to answer as each project is different, and as an actor, you hope that one job will open a door or opportunity to another.  That’s what I’ve found, at least over the past few years, so it’s certainly a slow burn.

Years ago, I was the low man on the totem pole at NBC’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien. I was an intern in the writing department under John Groff and often got the chance to appear in sketches on the show. This was an invaluable experience. There was an afternoon where I asked Conan (as I was cleaning his office) if he knew this was what he was going to do from the beginning. I’ll never forget what he said. He told me that, “In his wildest dreams he never thought he would be hosting a late night show.” He described show business as being on a highway. He was a writer in college, wanted to be a writer and set off on the highway with the goal of writing in mind. Along the trip, there were exits: Mad Magazine, The Simpsons, SNL. After each exit, he gets back on the journey. If you want to be a teacher or doctor or lawyer, you know exactly what to do. Go to X school for X years, and then they declare you as such. Boom. You’re it. Hollywood is not like that. Everyone’s path is so different, and how we get to where we are is almost inconsequential when compared to the culmination of the journey. I’ve been blessed to do a lot of different things so far and work with incredible talent that truly moves the needle in this business, and I hope for more opportunities.

What’s your favorite bit or joke from one of your stand-up sets?

I have a new bit I’m working on that’s fueled by my natural anger toward this situation.

I hate paper straws.

If this makes me a horrible person, so be it. If “they” think I don’t care about the EARTH or ENVIRONMENT and support the extinction of humanity because of this — so be it.

Paper straws? Really? Who did this make sense to? Who thought it was a good idea to combine PAPER and WATER?

I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time — but it doesn’t work. Three sips into my iced coffee and the thing has disintegrated, and I’m now drinking iced coffee and paper!

If you think paper straws are a good idea, let me ask you one question. Would you like to use a paper condom?

In the future, you’ll be standing in the rain telling your friend you can’t understand why she’s pregnant and soaking wet from holding the paper umbrella.

I will say that if we do switch to paper condoms …. I don’t know about the environment, but we will absolutely ensure the survival of humanity.

Lighting round! Describe each of the following in one word: Who you are, what you value the most, and what you’d be if you were a food item.  

I AM WILL VOUGHT.

I VALUE MOST: MY SON.

IF I WAS A FOOD ITEM, I’D BE A BEYOND BURGER!

What are you working on right now?

Right now, I’m working on sending out subliminal messages via Transcendental Meditation to Adam McKay for a coffee meeting that would result in being cast on the 3rd season of Succession on HBO.  I’d text him, but I don’t have his cell. Do you?

Thanks for taking the time, Will! Catch Season 3 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on Prime Video. 

Photography: Emily Assiran | Grooming Laila Hayani | Styling: Natalia Zemliakova

#entertainment spotlight #will vought #the marvelous mrs. maisel

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Tsurumi Tokushirou

Wow, this one seems to be the apogee of my writing.  You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Finally, a man who knows what he is doing. Tsurumi is a sly devil but he also got a taste of love, and those two points combined made him a danger to anyone he puts an eye on. The entire 7th division holds their breath watching how skillfully First Lieutenant pulls the unsuspecting victim into his snares.

Understandably, his main weapon would be the art of word. Tsurumi knows how to keep dialogue entertaining; moreover, he is well versed in complimenting his favorite person. He murmurs sweet nothings into their ear in public and in private, under the sergeant's condemning gaze and right under the nose of the jealous Second Lieutenant. Tsurumi does it wisely though, avoiding Usami’s uncontrollable obsession.

Gallantry is his middle name. As soon as they appear on the horizon with a bag or a stack of heavy books, Tsurumi miraculously finds himself next to them taking all of their stuff in his hands. Always accompanies them on the way home, from time to time pleases them with a small bouquet of lavender, moves the chair away from the table so that they sit down. At the same time, his gestures and moves, all looks natural like Tsurumi has been born with it.

Oh, also, he likes to spoil his loved one, pamper them without any limits. If they want to take a picture together, he will hire a western artist to paint a portrait of them. If they want a bar of chocolate, he will order to find the best dessert chef in Hokkaido. This is not his constant behavior, but Tsurumi quite often goes over the board with his affection.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Let’s be honest, to be best friends with Tsurumi you have to be at least no stupider than him and, better, even a little bit smarter. Otherwise, he will treat the person like another pawn in the game. Mind is a measure of strength, and those who are weaker than him do not deserve more than condescending attitude.

His best friend has to be patient and steadfast as a tin soldier: the hole in the head and lack of a brain piece deprived the First Lieutenant of poise so he is prone to outbursts of unwarranted violence. He may jokingly threaten to bite off their nose. Likewise, he may introduce them to the general madness of his division in the face of Usami or Nikaidou. They just have to deal with the crazy without going bonkers themself.  

In addition, they have to have a wide range of interests or be willing to learn new things. Tsurumi is the one to offer to go to horse race, win (or lose) some money, and, without delay, go to the nearest theater. His broad knowledge in various areas makes it possible to boast in every possible way on every possible topic and he expects his best friend to keep the conversation going. Of course, his favorite topic is war and weapons so they must be familiar with it.

The advantages of friendship with this remarkable individual are: respect in all circles he is in; initiation into his plans or most of them; life will seem a lot easier than before since obstacles become suspiciously fewer…

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He has a weird desire for them to look into his face while cuddling. To be mentioned, Tsurumi takes off his enamel head plate in private and it works like a magic: his expression transforms into one of person who has been gone for too long, who was yet to see the horrors of Russo-Japanese war. So, Tsurumi likes to keep them on his lap, hands placed on their thighs or waist, and talk, talk, talk. For some reason avoids spooning: if they try to spoon him, he will slip away from their hands, turn around, and plant a gentle kiss on their forehead.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

It’s complicated. Considering his past with Fina, the whole idea of settling down evokes the unconscious resistance in Tsurumi. Grand plans for hidden gold are the one thing that interests him at the moment, or this is what he convinced himself in. Even in the case of having the most suitable partner, Tsurumi will choose treasure hunt over binding relationship. Same goes for children. His henchmen are his kids, his hellhounds, his creations that he nurtured with distorted version of love and adoration. It is unlikely that he has even a little healthy parental affection left. Great at making desserts, mediocre at cooking overall, doesn’t care about cleaning and leaves it to the partner.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Break-up can go different ways.

In the best case scenario, Tsurumi acts like a gentleman until the very end. On the designated day, he invites a partner to a quiet place and makes sure nobody disturbs their conversation. Even if it happens in the barracks, all soldiers are strictly ordered to stay away from the First Lieutenant's office. There are two cups of a soothing herbal tea on his table as well as dessert associated with them. In calm steady voice Tsurumi explains why they have to break up and how it would be inevitable in the future if they choose to stay together for little longer. In the end of his speech, they feel almost like they initiated this break-up and Tsurumi just conducted their thoughts like his own. It is harmless and easy break-up with no hard feelings after all.

Other options aren’t that innocuous. He can easily make up a kidnapping scheme to remove them from the sight. It may or may not be violent, may or may not leave them traumatized. In the worst case, Tsurumi with heavy heart will give the order to eliminate them and hide all signs of their existence. It is a pity that one cannot erase the marks left on him and his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, formalizing a relationship is far from the first thing on the Tsurumi’s To-Do list. His partner can try to hint at marriage but he will either completely ignore it or adroitly dissuade them from such stupid undertaking. In a relationship, he remains faithful despite the absence of some fictitiously important pieces of signed paper.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Well, even if he is gentle in any variation, this gentleness carries a sadistic undertone. Tsurumi’s physical affection borders on pain and it is impossible to tell if his vulnerable moments are a theatrical performance or not. He can laugh endlessly, kiss their fingertips and bare knuckles, purposely tickle their neck with his long eyelashes or handlebar moustache but the very next second a predatory grin distorts his face, sending thing in darker direction. Only God knows what is going on in his head, really.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A truly romantic hug so often shown in films and described in books: his hand rests on their waist, pulling them closer, and other hand catches theirs as if in a slow dance. Each time the distance between him and his partner becomes less and less, but what remains constant, it is a subtle smile and piercing gaze of dark eyes. When in a cheery, exclusively friendly mood, Tsurumi likes to give the partner a tight bear hug or a short greetings-like hug with resting his chin either on their shoulder or on the top of their head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes years for Tsurumi to say “I love you” out loud. About 3-4 to be exact. Either because he cannot call his feelings real love, or because he does not want to let them ease off. Confession imposes the stamp of some kind of completeness on the relationship and it isn’t fun at all. In his speech, the magic three words are replaced by softer analogues like “I really like you” or “Aren’t you my sunshine” so his partner does not put much thought to why Tsurumi avoids confession. Oh, one hundred percent the day he finally chooses to confess will be an anniversary date. Expect a day dedicated solely to satisfaction of his partner’s desires.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh no no no, please, we don’t have that much space in the cemetery. Flirting with Tsurumi’s partner is like playing Russian roulette with five bullets in cylinder – highly lethal game of chance. After spotting unlucky admirer, Tsurumi tries to identify them and dig up as much information as possible. Their fate depends on it. If it's some kind of midge, a cockroach, First Lieutenant forgets about this situation pretty fast. He doesn’t want to deal with such squalor anyway. If this is a more serious figure, Tsurumi may want to teach them a lesson how rude it is to encroach on someone else's love. Probably pulls a couple of strings to get them into some kind of trouble. Get them fired, discharged, robbed, assaulted, whatever. At the same time, he doesn’t even mention them while talking to the loved one.  

Provoking Tsurumi to jealousy is just as dangerous. His actions are not as radical as in the first case but his partner will have to learn that this is not an acceptable behavior. It is hard to imagine how far he can go though, methods may vary from simple manipulation to straightforward psychological abuse. The latter is the last and the least appealing option, which Tsurumi won’t use unless he is forced to.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sometimes you just wonder where he learned all these tricks with his tongue. Tsurumi is a playful skilled kisser with excellent flair to where and when to apply fine knowledge of French... technique. Bites are not uncommon either. He has a habit of marking his loved one so everybody around knows who they belong to, and at least one hickey has to flaunt on their neck to keep him satisfied. Tsurumi prefers to kiss his partner wherever they want to be kissed, especially if they ask nicely, and to where to be kissed… a straight line from razor-sharp cheekbones to the notch between the collarbones is a great start.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Stranger’s kids are terrified of Tsurumi. Little ones burst into tears as they notice his wide smile, and those who are a little older stare at him with confusion. Teens try to stay away from this man since he fits the stranger danger statement very well. Thus to say, Tsurumi isn’t fond of being near children and prefers to pass the buck to the subordinates. If we are talking about his own (highly hypothetical) kids that is another story: they get the best of the best, they are spoiled rotten just like his partner. Of course, as kids grow up, Tsurumi switches to the carrot and stick approach spoiling them only as a reward for good behavior. Not that bad around children, really. It's not his fault that he fits the description of Boogeyman.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

On rare days when Tsurumi decides to spend the day with a partner, he never rushes. Those mornings are complete opposite of his usual mornings: they are slow, lazy, maximally filled with intimacy. No one is in a hurry to get out from under the blanket and if his loved one tries to sneak out, Tsurumi deftly catches them by the waist and drags back. I think it is clear that he is immensely touchy in the morning hours. The rest of the time is spent in a kitchen over a cup of green tea, in lively conversation on a variety of topics. No, he is not going to leave the house until the late noon.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Get ready for experiments and new experiences. Have they ever tried horseback riding? No? Good, he will be their teacher. Calligraphy? He will help to put their hand on a brush correctly. Nyotaimori or nantaimori? He will ask either Koito or another twunk to serve as a model. Tsurumi presents every evening date as a surprise that will not leave one indifferent and still he somehow manages to not overstep the bounds of decency. When their mood doesn’t fit his own adventurous impulses, the choice falls on a more classic pastime like late night walk or dinner date but there is not much that can be said about it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

His partner won’t hear a bit of personal information, a single bit, until Tsurumi is one hundred percent sure that they are here to stay. Until then, he will feed the partner common unremarkable phrases which cannot compromise him in any way. Even after this, a lot of uncertainties remain: Tsurumi seems to describe events only in positive or neutral light, avoiding situations that obviously carry a grim implications. For example, not a word will be said about Fina or Olga and even if partner witnesses him fiddling small bones in his fingers, Tsurumi will make some fable up. Revelations happen but it is not something they will have a chance to get used to.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Easily angered but pulls himself together in the blink of the eye. His malice usually spills out in a form of nervous thrill so it is rare to see Tsurumi screaming his lungs out or getting into a fight. In a relationship, he puts on a mask of an eternally patient partner so his loved one won’t even guess about his anger issues.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Liar is obligated to have a great memory, do you get where I’m coming from? Now only he remembers what his partner has to say but also somehow knows what they hide from him too. If the information seems to be of low priority, Tsurumi immediately forgets it. Like what is he supposed to do with the fact that theirs first dog was called Akira? Best of all he remembers theirs crucial ups and downs both to establish the emotional connection and have some control levers in the future.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Difficult question. Not any of “first experiences”, not anniversary. Probably, the first time he introduced them to the group of closer soldiers like Tsukishima and Co. For the first time Tsurumi decided to “show off” his partner in the headquarters just to establish a clear boundaries between himself and subordinates. Of course, he was well aware of the risks and consequences but chose to do it anyway. The reaction of some was quite expected: Koito's face expressed unpleasant surprise and qualm, he couldn’t switch back from Satsuma dialect and when it finally happened, there were more awkward pauses than comprehendible words; Usami screwed up his eyes as if he was evaluating a competitor simultaneously deciding on the best method to eliminate them. Nikaidou didn’t really cared. Kikuta did neither. Tsukishima’s reaction was the most adequate of all: he politely bowed, mumbled words of courtesy, and got back to his routine. However, on the way to the office he decided to warn them that lovely Tokushirou might differ from their expectations. At the end, Tsurumi was extremely pleased by the flaunting and gave them opportunity to choose how he will thank them for the shown patience.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Tell me, who in their right mind would want to provoke this man? Like, who? His very presence is enough to scare any foe away, not to mention how lethal his overprotectiveness can be. Tsurumi is great at managing resources to make sure his partner is okay: there is always an armed invisible observer in the city they are staying in, sometimes they are sent letters in which Tsurumi takes interest in how their days are going, etc. On the other hand, in moments of real danger, his subordinates are those who take care of his loved one: soldiers are obliged to protect them since Tsurumi usually holds a leading position rather than actively participates in the dirty work. Has no need to be protected, however, partner’s impulses to do it are always met with tender emotion and sincere drawling “aww”.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tsurumi has an enviable ability of being seemingly the most caring and charming man in the world without even trying. He is natural in wooing, it feels like the whole world is on his side: if he forgets to buy a present for the anniversary (which never happens, may I assure you), a hurrying seller will be selling cute necklace at discount price. Whenever he decides to go to another city with his loved one, there will be a festival or celebration. To be fair, Tsurumi does put efforts in the relationship and keeping his partner happy. He just has it easier than most of your common men.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

His own motives and desires will always be prioritized over his partner’s. It is reality that they just have to deal with. If his partner feels confident in enough, they can try to fight Tsurumi with his own weapon - flattery, ruse, and equivalent exchange, - but success still entirely depends on his mood.

Military career implies long partings with the risk of never seeing the partner again. For the person who cannot live without their loved one’s physical presence, relationship like this will feel like living hell.  

To mention something more lighthearted, Tsurumi is constantly surrounded by subordinates that have questionable… adoration towards him. It asks for deep dive in military psychology, workplace psychology, and additional peek into sexual psychopathology but you get what I mean. Usami gets off talking about how First Lieutenant will be upset with him and, probably, will punish him, okay.

Tsurumi is shady man overall, damaged both physically and emotionally, he is missing a piece of the brain and it is already a long list of reason why one should think twice before getting in with him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Tsurumi actually cares for his looks. He takes his time to shave the moustache and goatee just the way he wants it to be, thoroughly washes the hair twice a week, keeps the head plate clean by wiping it with wet cloth and disinfecting with alcohol. The main reason of his concerns is desire to look presentable and influential, not a banal narcissism. Does the face scar bother him? When there’s nothing to occupy his mind – yes. Tsurumi understands how drastically it changed his overall look and sometimes regrets what happened but what is the point of overthinking unalterable? Right, there is none.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Break-up is a huge deal in the sense that Tsurumi's reaction could be anything. Unpredictable. Up to monstrous consequences. The safest option would be drop everything and run away since he won’t chase them to the end of the world. Yes, he would feel betrayed and fueled with anger but whatever, it is not the most important thing on the agenda. Sooner or later their paths will cross again and it will be the chance for Tsurumi to show his disinterest. You know, this “I am a bad bitch, you can’t hurt me” style. Direct confrontation leads to a passionate interrogation on why they decided to leave. Is there anything he can do to prevent them from such imprudent step? Does their relationship lack anything? This conversation quickly escalates into preparation of feelings during which Tsurumi scrutinizes all their ins and outs. If they successfully survive this psychological torture mixed with all kinds of manipulation – congrats! – they are allowed to leave. Now he has left his mark on them, on their heart and soul, so they have to carry it wherever they choose to go.

In the case of their death, Tsurumi grieves. How does a man like him grieve? Through sublimation, of course. To stop thinking about the time spent together, he pays more attention to treasure hunt. Tsukishima unobtrusively plays the role of a First Lieutenant’s personal therapist, listening to his pensive monologues, but it doesn’t make any difference. Just like his Sergeant, Tsurumi has difficulties with experiencing repeated loss, and second time feels even worse than the first one.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Remember this clear liquid oozing from under his head plate? It is actually сerebrospinal fluid that provides mechanical and immunological protection to the brain. Constant leaking of CSF leads to a condition known as orthostatic headache: this type of headache intensifies while person is standing and eases when lying down. Tsurumi has extreme headaches after his excited leaks that are usually weakened by general thrill. Once agitation excitation wears off, he becomes incredibly irritable and searches for a quiet place to lie down. The one person who knows about such side effect is Tsukishima. He has saved a dozen of lives already by preventing fellow soldiers from talking to resting First Lieutenant.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He has specific requirements for his environment and a list of traits its members have to lack.

For example, curiosity did kill the cat. People by his side should not pry into his personal business unless they want to get bitten. It is dangerous for them, for Tsurumi, and for plans he has built, so his partner has to either be incurious or keep themself in check when it comes to bunch of stuff.

Freedom-loving and willfulness are the worst enemies of manipulator, no wonder that First Lieutenant looks for someone submissive. Guess, for those achieving high ranks, powerplay is an integral part of social interaction.

Ah, but at the same time, lack of personality makes Tsurumi yawn. Such people do not provide the kind of entertainment he is looking for and it is natural for him to overlook them in the crowd.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleeps suspiciously well for a person who bites people’s fingers off. Brain injury left him dreamless for the rest of the life so as soon as Tsurumi’s head touches the pillow he immediately goes into a deep sleep. His sleeping schedule is nothing special too. Obeying the laws of army life, First Lieutenant wakes up early at the same time very day and goes to bed no later than 10 pm. Lies on the belly with arms straight up along the body. Without the head plate, obviously.

With the advent of a permanent partner in his life, Tsurumi’s sleep became more restless. Now he feels way too energetic, tosses and turns in bed, and cannot find a comfortable position in the bed. Since most of the time they still sleep apart (he has a reputation to maintain, blah-blah-blah), Tsurumi has to take a walk to blow off steam and get rid of swarming thoughts. Sometimes it does not help at all so he rushes to their house hoping to find peace in their arms. And so it happens. Tsukishima has almost come to terms with the frequent absence of the First Lieutenant in the mornings. However, Koito is not that happy about it and keeps bothering sergeant with questions to which he has no answer. Poor young man.

#golden kamuy #tsurumi tokushirou #golden kamuy headcanon #golden kamuy imagine #tosikoswrites

[arrow-guy]

Out of Time (1/??)

Synopsis: Asta is a woman out of time. She’s strong, and damn near indestructible, but when she wakes up hundreds of years in the future, she’s completely lost. She finds a new family in Peggy Carter and friends in people that she never would have dreamed of. But not everyone gets what they want, right?

A/N: Alright, I’m not really one to write OC content, but I couldn’t resist with this story. It’s a huge project that’s going to cover a lot of ground, but I hope it’ll be as fun to read as it has been to write. If you’d like, I’ve put together a Spotify playlist for this fic and you’re more than welcome to listen along!

Pairing: Jack ThompsonxOFC (Steve RogersxOFC endgame)

Word Count: 10.3k

Warnings: Canon typical violence

Playlist

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong

“This all must be quite shocking for you.”

“I am not sure that’s the phrasing I would use.”

“Then how would you describe it?” The woman tilted her head to the side.

“I…” I sighed. “It’s disorienting. If I truly have been asleep for more than three hundred years, then there is so much that I’ve missed.”

“Your family?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’ve lost so much time. There’s so much history that I missed. I have very little idea where I am, let alone how this new world works.”

She hummed. “I understand.”

“I’m not sure that you do.” I gestured to the small room. “All of this is foreign to me. Lamps that light at the flip of a switch, listening devices, new weapons. Carriages without horses or mules. Everything.”

“Yes, there’s a lot we have to teach you. If you’re willing to learn, that is.”

“You don’t know me. What I’m capable of.”

“Then teach us,” she said. “Work with us. I, for one, would like to help you build a new life here.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, I clenched my hands in my lap. “Why?”

“Because everyone deserves a chance. You never got yours.” She leaned forward on the table. “Do you have a name?”

I shook my head. “Not one that is worth using.”

“Then I suppose that means you get to choose a new one.” She smiled kindly and pushed her chair back from the table. “I’ll give you some time to think about everything.”

“No.” She stopped in her tracks. “I’ve made my decision.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll stay,” I said. “If you will have me.”

“Of course we will. And, your name?”

“M-my name… Asta. My name will be Asta.”

“It’s lovely to meet you, Asta. I’m Peggy Carter.” She grinned. “I have a very good feeling about our future.”

“You’ll be staying here for the time being,” Peggy showed me into a small apartment. “You’re only three doors down from me, so come find me if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Peggy.”

“It’s nothing, Asta, really.” She fussed with the cushions on the small couch. “As of Friday, you are legally my sister. If someone asks for your surname, you tell them it’s Carter. Understood?”

“I understand, but I have no accent. It’s hardly believable.”

“If you’re questioned, we’ll say you were sent to live with relatives here during the first war. You stayed here for university and lost your accent when you were young.”

“I feel as if we may lose track of this lie.”

“We’ll be careful. If you have to leave your room, I’ll go with you. Field any questions someone may ask.”

“Alright.”

“There isn’t much that you can talk about from this century until you start your lessons.”

“When will we start?”

“Tomorrow morning. We’ll go to the library and you can choose whatever you like.” She paused to look back at me. “You can read, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I can read and write.”

“I apologize. I have to ask, as we don’t fully know what kind of education someone from your time might’ve received.”

“Seems as though it’s something that would have been recorded,” I muttered.

“Most history caters to what the rich and successful did,” Peggy explained. “Much of British history, specifically, focuses on the plague and royal drama.”

I shook my head. “Ridiculous.”

“No argument here.” She folded her arms. “I’ll be back to get you for dinner, alright?”

I nodded and she left.

I only lived in that first apartment for about four months before I was moved to a room at the SSR headquarter in New York. There, I could be better monitored by the SSR. Living there meant that no one asked questions that they shouldn’t and I was able to learn and ask questions without someone looking at me like I’d grown a tail. Living there made it more convenient for them to run their tests. They weren’t nearly as invasive as I might have expected them to be, but they often left me exhausted and worn down. The day they realized that I could withstand the explosion from a grenade was particularly exciting for their team of scientists. I, however, went back to my room at the end of the day and collapsed into bed after picking and brushing the shrapnel from my hair.

Peggy visited me as often as she could in those first few months. As it stood, she wasn’t allowed out of her apartment after a certain time. I never really understood curfews for grown women during that time. I have a feeling it was set as a way to control the tenants. We went out on our weekly trips to the library. She would quiz me on things I’d learned on our walk to and from, our arms laden with books. She was the first real friend I’d made since childhood and I cherished every moment I got with her.

The science team got bored with testing my strength and durability nearly four months, and by then the SSR signed off on a select group of agents to begin training me in combat. I started off learning hand to hand combat but had to hold back in order to keep from hurting the trainers. Enough were scared of me that they moved on to using heavy bags and demonstrating throws and takedowns on football dummies. It was only when new agents were brought in that I actually got to put any of that training to use. Most gave up after two sessions with me if they were smart.

Three months into my training, Peggy was allowed to slowly incorporate casework, provided it wasn’t anything that required any kind of physical altercation. I think they saw me as a walking lawsuit at the time. When I stepped between Agent Thompson and an angry suspect with a shotgun, their opinion seemed to change. He and I had had little to do with one another before that, though Peggy had worked closely with both him and Agent Sousa. We became more familiar with one another after that incident.

“Y’know, I wondered what your deal was when we first found you,” Jack mused one day.

“Oh?”

“Well, yeah. Some mysterious woman gets found asleep in a coffin, Snow White style, of course a guy’s bound to be curious.”

“Have you figured out my deal yet, then?” I asked, resting my chin in my hand.

“You’re hard to read,” he said. “So, no.”

“Mmm,” I hummed. “Pitty, that.”

He snorted and shook his head, but I caught the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile. We went back to our paperwork in silence. For some reason, it was easier to pick him out of the crowd during training for the next few weeks. I got suspicious of how often I saw him after an additional two weeks and began to notice money changing hands. It took a couple days before I realized that money only made an appearance when I fought a new agent. I let it go on for another week before I confronted him about it.

“Stop betting on the new agents, Thompson.”

He’d grinned. “Or what?”

“Or I’ll kick your ass,” I said.

“Didn’t think you knew how to talk like that,” he said. “I’m impressed, Carter.”

“You’d be surprised, the things that I know,” I smirked. “I’m a quick study.”

“Oh, I know. Midge says you’ve read through about half the public library by now.”

“You know she doesn’t like to be called Midge.” I shook my head and clipped up the heavy bag. “I don’t get why you treat her so poorly. If she were a man, she’d be your best friend.”

He shook his head. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I folded my arms and leaned against the wall to study him. “You’ve seen her in action. Hell, she’s half the reason you’re alive.”

“She is not.”

“Who do you think sent someone to check on you in California?” His eyes went wide. “Yes, I know you were shot in your hotel room.”

“I- That’s classified.”

“Which is why only Peggy and I know about it.”

“Why would you know?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Because I’m classified, Jack. No one’s supposed to know about me, so I have the pleasure of knowing about everyone else.”

“Impressive.”

“Quit deflecting.”

“Quit interrogating me,” he hissed.

“Ah, don’t like people getting close to your truth, do you?”

He growled and took a swing at me. I grabbed his fist, stopping him in his tracks, planted my foot in the middle of his chest, and kicked him away. He stumbled back, lost his balance, and fell to the mat. He groaned as he sat up and pressed one hand to the small of his back.

“Don’t throw a punch if you’re not ready for a fight,” I said. “Next time, I’m not going easy on you.”

“That was you going easy?”

“Did you know that I could crush your skull with one hand?” I crouched down in front of him and tilted my head to the side. “That I have lived longer than you could ever dream. That if you tried to shoot me, and your scientists have, if you tried to even cut or scratch me, nothing would happen? There would be no wound, no welt. Not even a mark. If you come at me again, a bruised tailbone will be the least of your worries.”

He leaned away, his eyes wide.  “What the fuck.”

I stood and offered him a hand up. He hesitated and I rolled my eyes. “Just let me help you up.”

“I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.”

“I’m not going to hurt you. Just take my hand already.”

He hesitated, but eventually let me help him up. He brushed off his pants as soon as he was on his feet again.

"You're kind of terrifying," he said.

"That's the point." I looked him over. "Were you here to train, or…?"

He looked startled by the question but didn’t back down. “I might’ve been.”

“Well don’t let little ole me stop you,” I said.

He shuffled around and lifted weights for about half an hour before giving up. He made a point to avoid the gym whenever I was there from then on out. I thought it was hilarious at the time.

About two months later, an SSR agent walked up to Peggy and I while we were talking.

“Time for the lunch orders, ladies,” he said. He held out a notepad and pen with a sly smile on his face. “The natives are getting restless.”

“Order your own lunches,” I said.

He grabbed Peggy’s hand and slapped the pad and pen into it. “Not my job, sweetheart. Just get lunch.”

Peggy’s jaw tightened and she moved to get up from her chair. I held up one hand to stop her and took the pen and paper with the other. I grabbed the agent’s hand and slapped the pad and pen into it, just as he’d done to Peggy.

“Look, sweetheart. I see you’ve got two working legs. You are more than capable of ordering your own damn lunch. That is, unless you have issues with the English language, but judging by your accent, you don’t, so perhaps you’re still struggling to learn the alphabet.” I tipped my head to the side. “So, unless you’ve got some other convenient issue that’s miraculously spread through the office, I suggest you get lost and get your own fucking lunch. Does that sound reasonable to you, Agent?”

His eyes went wide and he looked to Peggy for some kind of backup. He didn’t find any.

“Look, lady, it’s just how things are done around here! You can’t blame me for that shit!”

“Can’t I? Because I don’t see you doing anything to change it. The only person I’d expect to ask someone to get lunch for them is Sousa, and he’s the only one around here who seems to know how to do anything for himself.” I shoved him lightly, which sent him stumbling backward. “Start a new tradition. Get your own lunches. Stop bothering us.”

He nodded dumbly and ran off to tell his friends they had to fend for themselves that day.

“We’re going to get in trouble for that,” Peggy said, a smile tugging at her lips.

“No,” I said. “Jack’s too scared of me to do anything about it.”

She cocked one perfect eyebrow. “Oh really? What did you do to put the fear of God into poor Jack Thompson?”

“Threw him around a little in the gym and threatened him,” I shrugged. “The usual.”

She snorted to cover up her laughter. “Why am I not surprised?”

I grinned and braced myself on her desk. “Because you know me.”

"That's very true." She shook her finger at me. "You really shouldn't go around threatening people."

I laughed and waved her off. "Don't worry about who I'm threatening. He hasn't bothered you in weeks, so I'd say it was worth it."

"Asta, you didn't."

"I didn't do anything drastic. I just mentioned that I thought it was funny that he's so rude to you, but if you were a man he'd treat you like a war hero." I added, very pointedly, "Which you are, and he needs to recognize that."

"I didn't do anything."

"I'm pretty sure you're responsible for facilitating, possibly, the greatest uprising in SSR history. You're the reason Captain America was able to get into the fight. You were key in strategy meetings. You were there for every single little thing, and they still treat you like dirt. Useful, but only if you can give them what they need."

“I’m not saying that I disagree with you, but-”

“You do disagree with my methods, I know. I’m sure this is a conversation we’ll have many, many times in the future.”

“I’m not so sure I like the sound of that.”

I laughed. “Would you like to go out for lunch today? My treat.”

“Your treat?”

“Didn’t you hear? They started paying me while you were in California, flirting with Sousa.”

“I wasn’t flirting,” she said. She caved when I shot her a questioning look. “Fine, I wasn’t just flirting.”

“There it is.” I reached out and tugged on her hand. “Come on. You can ask Daniel to come along. I might even invite Jack.”

Peggy laughed. “Why?”

I shrugged. “Dunno. I think I mostly want to see what he’ll do. Regardless, I’m paying so you might as well just say yes.”

She sighed but smiled regardless. “Fine, I give.”

I grinned and watched Peggy haul herself up from her chair and cross the floor to Sousa’s office. She tentatively opened the door and poked her head inside. Daniel gestured for her to come in and she slipped into the office. I saw him nod and smile and he got up to follow her from the office. I folded my arms and pushed off the desk.

I shouldered open the door to Jack’s office and leaned in the doorway. He slowly looked up from his paperwork to meet my eyes.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey. Peg ‘n’ I are going out for lunch. You want to come with?”

“You sure you want me there?” He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

“Yeah, you’re not bad company, Jack. You’d do well to remember that.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“Come on,” I said, pushing off the doorway. Jack stood up to grab his coat. “I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

He laughed and followed me out onto the floor. “And what am I getting out of this deal?”

“Free lunch.” He looked amused. “What?”

“On whose dime?”

“Mine? Who else’s?”

“Asta is an employee, Thompson,” Peggy said. “I thought you already knew that.”

“That’s not what I meant!” he said. “I just didn’t expect her to be paying, is all. I’m not saying that she couldn’t afford it.”

I placed my hand on his arm. “She’s messing with you, Jack.”

Daniel snorted and offered Peggy his arm. “Where to, ladies?”

Peggy suggested the diner and both men readily agreed. When we got there, Daniel sat next to Peggy and tucked her under his arm. Jack froze when he saw them but relaxed when I shook my head and picked up the menu.

Daniel, Jack, and Peggy made pleasant conversation while we ate and I sat quietly to listen. I occasionally offered my opinion if it was called for, but was otherwise silent.

I was nibbling absentmindedly at a french fry when Jack asked, “What’s your take on this, Carter?”

“Well…” Peggy began.

“Oh, sorry, I should've been specific. I meant Asta,” he said. He nudged me with his elbow. “We haven’t heard your take on the case.”

“You want my opinion?” I asked.

“Well, yeah.” He slung his arm up over the back of the booth, right above my shoulders. “We know what we think, but a different point of view is important.”

I looked at Peggy and found my amusement reflected on her face. I finished the fry before answering. “Huh, okay.”

I reached for another fry and Jack said, “Are you gonna tell us or what?”

“No, I’m gonna make you wait,” I shot back. I bit down on the fry and Daniel burst out laughing. I looked up at Jack and found him red in the face. The wink I gave him didn’t help much with his predicament.

“I’m serious! We’ve pretty much exhausted our ideas here.”

“I know, give me a moment to think.” I sat back and pressed my fist to my mouth. “There was one woman you spoke to who didn’t quite sit right with me.”

“A suspect?” Daniel asked.

I shook my head. “No, I think it was someone’s wife or sister. She just knew too much about what happened in that lab. Showed no signs of grief at all.”

“Not all people grieve the same.”

“I am well aware of how people grieve. This was different. She was, I don’t know… almost smug? Like she’d gotten away with something and was trying not to gloat about it. I didn’t say anything because I figured you’d want to go over your own theories first.”

“No, that helps,” Jack said. “A lot, actually.”

“Don’t sound too surprised there, Thompson,” I said.

“I’m not surprised. I’m sorry we didn’t ask for your help sooner.”

I tried to hide my smile, but I caught Jack smiling out of the corner of my eye. I kept quiet the rest of lunch, content to listen to the casual conversation.

On the walk back to the office, I hung back to people watch. Eventually, my eyes were drawn to Peggy and Daniel. I remember when she’d come back from California and the first thing she told me about was the development between the two of them. I sat with her while she talked about everything that happened, only half listening at the time, but happy for her regardless. From what she’d told me of her life before coming back to New York, she deserved happiness.

“What’re you thinking about?” Jack asked.

I jumped, not realizing he’d been pacing me for five minutes. I pressed my hand to my chest and wheezed out, “Holy shit.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s alright. Why do you want to know?”

He shrugged. “Your shoulders were kinda hunched and you had this far off look in your eyes. I figured it had to be something pretty serious.”

“Oh.”

“So?”

“It’s nothing,” I said. “I was thinking about when Peggy came back from California. She was happier than I’d ever seen her.”

“And now?”

“She’s still just as happy. Whatever this thing is with Daniel is lasting. I'm happy for her.”

“Huh,” he said. “I thought you would’ve been thinking about your own life. Or past life, or something.”

I laughed. “No. My life wasn’t all that interesting before I got here. Nothing worth dwelling on.”

“I doubt that’s true.”

“It is, though. There’s so much that I escaped in my past. The stress of an arranged marriage or how I’d take care of myself if no one wanted me. Now I have a job and friends and…” I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “Sorry.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, that was a lot.”

“No,” He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Thanks for telling me.”

“Thanks for listening.”

He offered me his arm and I snorted before placing my hand in the crook of his elbow. I caught him smiling and felt myself blush. We walked on in silence for about five more minutes before Jack asks another question.

“Why did you invite me out today?”

I shrugged. “I don’t like being a third wheel.”

“Seriously?”

“Also kind of wanted to see what you’d do.”

“So I’m an experiment.”

“A little.”

“Wow.”

“I don’t mean to insult you. It’s just hard to tell where I stand with you.”

“Explain.”

“Well, Peggy and I are pretty much sisters and has made that abundantly clear, and Daniel thinks I’m odd but puts up with me because of Peggy. The rest of the men in the office act like I don’t exist until lunch rolls around and they’re too lazy to go out and get their own or they don’t want to do their jobs.”

“And me?”

“I can tell you’re curious about me, but I never know what you’re going to do. I avoided you at first, and you sought me out in the gym. I threatened you and you still went out to lunch when I invited you. Now, you’ve got me on your arm and we’ve talked more than I have with the majority of people I know.” I frowned. “I guess I find you interesting. I want to understand you.”

He hummed. “Alright, that's fair.”

“I wasn’t trying to ask you on a date earlier,” I added. “I know that worried you.”

“What?”

“You froze up when Sousa put his arm around Peggy earlier.”

“Right, that.” He shook his head. “I just don’t like being ambushed with it, is all.”

“Hm?”

“I’m not used to being asked out.”

“You’re usually the one who asks.”

“Exactly. But, if someone did ask me out on a date, I’d want to know what their intentions are.”

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Are you saying that you want me to ask you on a date?”

Jack looked around before pulling me under the overhang of a corner store. I glanced at where his hands held my arms before looking up at him, confused. Carefully, I held his elbows and tilted my head to the side, silently asking him to talk to me. His brows pulled together and he frowned.

"I don't get you," he said.

"That doesn't answer my question."

Someone had stopped to stare at us, and I suspect they were worried for my safety. Jack seemed to pick up on this and turned us so that he had his back to the wall instead of me. He sighed and let go of my arms.

He began to step away. "They're gonna wonder where we are."

I grabbed his hands and pulled him back to me. "No, Jack. Tell me."

"Asta-"

"Please? I won't bother you anymore after this, I promise." I gave him a small smile. "We both know how quiet I can be. It'll be like I'm not even in the office."

I immediately let go of his hands and folded my arms tight against my body. I could feel myself trying to make myself smaller and hated it. Jack put his hands on my shoulders and straightened them out. He then trailed his hand down my arm and took my hand.

"I'm not an easy person," he said softly. "I'm not good with feelings or anything like that, and that's probably my fault. But everything new I learn about you makes me want to know more. I want to understand you and where you came from and what made you who you are. I want to know if you knew Shakespeare or if you made art in your past. I don't know if I want you to ask me on a date. I just know that I want to know you."

"I can tell you right now that I didn't know Shakespeare," I said. "I knew of him and saw a couple of his plays, but I didn't know him."

"See?" He shook his head. "I want to be around you. I just don't want to force more than that."

I nodded. "Thank you for telling me."

"Of course."

"Can I have a couple days to think about what you've said?" I asked. "I need some time."

“Yeah, sure.”

"I'm not good with words." I gently squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s hard to be upset when you keep asking so nicely.”

“Okay.”

He moved my hand to his elbow again and led me back out onto the sidewalk. Peggy and Daniel had beaten us back to the office by ten minutes when we stepped through the doors. Jack excused himself and went back to his office. Peggy pulled me aside as soon as I was alone.

“What took you so long?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re late getting back. What happened?”

“Oh. Thompson wanted to ask me a couple more questions. That’s all.”

“That’s odd.”

I shrugged. “I’m an odd person. People tend to want to ask questions. You certainly did, at first.”

Someone in a lab coat wandered out into the office, looking lost. I looked past Peggy and caught his eye. He immediately relaxed and crossed the floor to talk to us.

“We need your help in the lab,” he said.

“Why?” I asked. “I thought you were done with me.”

"Well…" He scratched the back of his neck.

Realizing that going with him would get me away from Peggy's questions, I held up my hand to stop him. "You know what? It doesn't matter, let's just get it over with."

I apologized to Peggy and left with the lab coat.

The tests took nearly a week and didn't leave me any time to work in the office, let alone think. Each night, I was allowed two hours to train in the gym before I had to return to my quarters. I was frustrated, to say the least.

The day we finished the tests I spent more time than usual in the gym, working out my frustrations on a punching bag. I had knocked it off the hook three times before I had to sit down and patch it up.

“Thought I might find you down here.”

I let out a startled squeak and looked over my shoulder. Jack stood ten feet away from me with his hands in his pockets. His hair was a mess and something in me wanted to fix it.

“Hi,” I said dumbly. I couldn’t figure out anything else to say.

“I haven’t seen you in a week.”

“I’ve been stuck in the lab,” I tried to explain. “By the time I can get away you’re already gone for the night.”

“Okay.”

I ignored the punching bag and spun around to face him. “I did want to talk to you earlier. I’m sure I could’ve made some time. I apologize.”

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why are you standing so far away from me?”

“Because the last time I was with you in this room you put me on my ass.”

“So you’re scared of me?” I pushed myself to my feet. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“I think I’d be scared of you regardless.”

“You want a rematch?” I asked.

“Are you messing with me?”

”I don’t joke about fighting.”

“Why do you want to fight me? I can’t seriously be a challenge for you.”

“It’s not about you being a challenge. It’s about the fact that you’re scared of me.” I locked eyes with him. “And I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“So you’re trying to make me face my fears?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“What the hell kind of relationship could the two of us have if you’re too scared to get close to me when we’re alone?” I snapped. “So either you spar with me and we can move forward, or I’m going to bed and putting this behind me.”

“I don’t want to fight you.”

“Why not? You can’t physically hurt me.” I folded my arms and took several steps closer to him. “We’ll lay ground rules. No body throws and anything that could be considered a blow to the genitals to either of us is off the table. We go till one of us is on the mat. Sound reasonable to you?”

He squinted. “Fine.”

“Wonderful!” I stepped back and grabbed the heavy bag and moved it to the corner with the others.

Jack shed his suit coat and tie before turning to face me. He approached me as he rolled up his shirt sleeves. I wandered over and stopped in front of him to size him up. I tilted my head to the side and looked him over with my hands in my pockets. I nodded and took a step back to look him in the eye.

Jack readily got into his fighting stance with his fists held up to guard his face. I blinked at him and waited for him to make the first move. It took him nearly two minutes to make up his mind and actually throw a punch. I moved my head to the side to avoid it. Confused, Jack took several more swings, only for me to dodge all of them.

“I thought we were supposed to fight,” he growled.

“We are,” I said. “I fight differently.”

He tried to grab me, but I easily sidestepped and slapped his hands down. He hissed in pain and I muttered a quick apology before settling into the fight again.

I blocked each punch and kick he threw at me, quickly slapping them away or simply catching the blows with my forearms before pushing him back. He didn’t seem to understand what I was doing and just kept trying to come at me harder than he had before. Eventually, I had both his fists held in my hands, crossed at his wrists. I pulled them in opposite directions and Jack cried out in pain and surprise.

I leaned in and said, “See, if you weren’t you, I’d headbutt you right now. But I don’t actually want to hurt you, so I’m not gonna do that.”

“Should I be thanking you?”

“That depends,” I placed my foot in his stomach and pushed him away. He stumbled but managed to regain his balance. “Are you going to give me an actual fight, or are you just gonna keep fucking around till I get bored?”

That annoyed him enough that he finally started coming at me with some decent force. He was faster than he initially let on and, consequently, suddenly more of a challenge. I only narrowly dodged a blow to my stomach before he managed to catch me with a punch to the jaw. I staggered back, more surprised by the blow than anything else. Jack didn’t seem to recognize that, though, and followed after me to make sure I was alright.

When I saw the concern on his face, I laughed and pushed him away with a hand to his chest. He tried to use his proximity to his advantage, but only wound up winded when I punched him in the stomach. He wheezed as he tried to regain his footing and kept his distance until he could find another opening. We were lazily circling each other when he saw his opportunity.

He rushed me and ducked in time to just barely avoid my fist. He grabbed my wrists and hooked his heel around mine and kicked back. I fell to the mat with him hovering over me, pinning my arms down. I looked up at him, eyes wide. Jack panted as he tried to catch his breath.

“I win,” he declared.

“Do you?”

"You said we'd go till one of us was on the mat. I took you down. I win."

I laughed. "I guess."

"What do you mean you guess?" he said. He didn't sound angry and the smile playing at his lips betrayed him. "I have you pinned!"

"You won the match, but my plan worked perfectly." I hooked my legs around his and flipped us. I grinned at the look of shock on his face. "You weren't even thinking. You just went for it. And look at how close we are."

"Oh," he said, his voice suddenly small.

"Are you scared?" I asked. "Scared of me?"

"Not of you."

"Then what?"

"I'm scared of this. How close we are."

"Why?" I sat up slightly and Jack moved with me. My heart hammered in my chest.

"Because I think I'd really like to kiss you right now, and I don't want to push you for something you don't want." I sat back in his lap and he propped himself up on his hands. He smiled sadly.  “Please say something.”

“I don’t- I’m not good with words.”

He nodded. “I know. You told me.”

“Can I just…” I slowly reached out and placed my hands on his shoulders. His eyes locked on mine and he nodded.

I carefully traced my fingers over his shoulders and up his neck. I framed the line of his jaw with the tips of my fingers and paused for a moment. I allowed my eyes to scan over his face, mapping out the angles of his cheekbones and the curve of his nose. My eyes were drawn up to his hair as I remembered what a mess it was when he first walked in. I bit my lip to hide my smile as I reached up to comb my fingers through and relished the feeling of his hair between my fingers.

I trailed my fingers down the back of his neck and his eyes fluttered shut when I traced over his cheekbone. He leaned into my touch when I cradled his face in my hands. I then lightly brushed my thumbs over his lips, which sent a shiver through Jack’s body.

Jack slowly opened his eyes. His gaze lingered on my lips for a moment before he managed to meet my eyes.

“Can I kiss you, Jack?” I whispered.

“Yes,” he breathed.

I smiled and tentatively brushed my lips against his. He let out a shaky breath against my lips and tilted his head to gently press his lips to mine. He waited for me to kiss him back before he moved one of his hands to the back of my head and weaved his fingers into my hair. I felt more than heard myself make a small, needy noise at the back of my throat and pulled away. I covered my mouth with my hand out of embarrassment.

"What?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know what that was."

“Hmm?”

“That noise.” I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “That’s so embarrassing.”

“Look at me.” I shook my head and he laughed. He gently coaxed my hands away from my face. “Come on, look at me.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and met his eyes. He looped my arms around his neck and settled his hands on my waist. I frowned and tilted my head to the side.

“What is it?” I asked, voice small.

“I don’t get how you can go from being so confident to a blushing mess.” I rolled my eyes but immediately looked him in the eye when his grip on my waist tightened. "The sound you made isn't embarrassing. It's cute."

"No, it's not…"

"Yes it is," he insisted. "I like it. I like knowing that I have an effect on you. Y'know, other than pissing you off and annoying you."

“You don’t… you don’t piss me off.”

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t. I just- I get frustrated, and I want to understand. I want to understand you, but learning people isn’t like reading books. It’s not easy.” I fiddled with the hair at the back of his neck. “But I don’t want this to be easy. If you want there to be a this.”

“I do want that.” He drew gentle circles on my sides with his thumbs. “But I don’t want to frustrate you.”

“I think that’s part of relationships, Jack. If we do this, I’m going to be annoying, you’re going to frustrate me. We’re going to have disagreements. But we’ll learn together. Grow through experiences and be better people. I think that’s worth a little frustration, don’t you?”

“I do.” He smiled. “I don’t know why you keep saying you’re bad with words. You expressed yourself pretty perfectly just then.”

“I don’t know about that. I just spoke the truth.”

“Do you want to do this?” he asked. “Us.”

I nodded. “Yes. You’re a challenge I’m ready for, Jack Thompson.”

He grinned and pressed his forehead to mine. I tilted my head to the side slightly and kissed him tenderly, which he returned before pulling away and wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been held like that, so I pressed my nose to his neck and clung to him.

“I should probably go to my room,” I mumbled. “I was supposed to leave the gym an hour ago.”

“They gave you a curfew?”

“Kind of, yeah.” I braced myself on his shoulders and got to my feet. “I really should go. They’ll send someone from the night shift around to check on everything.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You afraid to get caught?”

“No,” I offered him a hand up and he took it. “The tongue lashing I’ll get if I’m caught is annoying. If I can avoid it, I will.”

“Let me walk you back then,” he said. “You can’t get in trouble if I’m the one who made you late.”

I laughed. "Okay, I'll take you up on that."

He opened the door for me and offered his arm when he stepped out into the hall after me. I stuck close to his side the entire walk back to my rooms. We were fortunate enough to avoid running into anyone along the way. I stepped out in front of him when we reached my door and keyed in the passcode to unlock the door.

“No keys?” he asked.

I shook my head and pushed the door open. “You can lose keys. Even if you lose your fingers, you can still figure out something to punch a code in.”

“Kinda dark.”

I snorted. “Do you expect anything less from me?”

“Y’know, I probably shouldn’t. But I always manage to underestimate you.”

I turned to face him and leaned in the doorway. “Something I’m sure you’ll continue to do.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure it is.”

I stood in my doorway, staring and smiling at him for a moment before realizing what I was doing. I shook my head and tried to make my escape. "I guess this is goodnight, then."

"Wait," he reached out to me and I stopped. He took my hand and stepped closer.

"Hmm?"

He stooped down to kiss me. "Okay, now I can say goodnight."

I laughed and bit back my smile. "Just go. I'll see you tomorrow, Jack."

"See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Asta."

He kissed my forehead and backed down the hall. Before he turned the corner he did a little twirl and waved to me. I heard him whistling as he walked away and I smiled and shook my head as I closed myself in my rooms.

I sat on my bed and buried my face in my pillow to muffle the sound of my giddy squeals. My legs flailed in little butterfly kicks of nervous excitement. I couldn't figure out how to express exactly how I was feeling in the moment, but wrote what I could down in my journal. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face, even in my sleep.

The next morning wasn’t nearly as happy as the night before.

I was whisked away by a pair of lab coats just before I could sit down for the morning briefing. They rattled off something about inconsistencies in their tests from earlier in the week. They fussed over me for nearly four hours before I was able to get away. At that point, I was exhausted and nauseous, and wanted nothing more than to just sit down so that the room would stop spinning.

When I reached my desk, Peggy wasn’t there. The file and notes on her desk told me that she was probably in an interrogation, or something close to it. I quickly realized that I needed to be somewhere out of the way if I didn’t want to be pestered about a case I knew nothing about, or worse, hauled off to the lab again.

My eyes landed on Jack’s office, and it dawned on me that I hadn’t seen him yet that day. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching before crossing the floor and knocking on the door. I didn’t receive an answer and decided to knock more before letting myself in.

The desk lamp was on, but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

I didn’t give his absence much thought as a wave of dizziness crashed over me. I nearly fell, but braced myself on the arm of the couch and waited for it to pass. When it did, my vision was blurry and I immediately laid on the couch. I squeezed my eyes shut and curled into a tight ball.

I faded in and out of sleep for nearly two hours.

A gentle hand on my forehead woke me. I leaned into their touch and they pushed my hair off my forehead. I could vaguely hear them saying my name.

“Asta?” I cracked my eyes open. “Hey, there you are.”

“Jack?” My voice sounded rough and I hugged my arms around myself.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You look a little grey.”

“I don’t know.” I shivered and moved closer to Jack. “I don’t feel well.”

“You weren’t feeling like this last night, were you?”

“No, I was fine. I was fine this morning too.”

“When did this start?”

“Around noon, I think. It was a little more than an hour before I left the lab.”

“I thought they were done with their tests.”

“So did I, but they said something about inconsistencies and dragged me off before I had time to process what was happening.”

He frowns. ��Can you sit up?”

“I don’t know. I was really dizzy earlier.” I covered my face with one hand. “It’s why I came in here. I didn’t think I could make it back to my room.”

“Let’s get you sat up,” he said.

He helped me sit up, though I leaned heavily against the arm of the couch. I pressed my hand to my forehead as the dizziness settled in again. I tamped down the urge to dry-heave and settled with focusing on keeping my breaths deep and even. When everything got to be a little too much, I let my head fall back against the back of the couch and covered my eyes with one arm.

“This is hell,” I muttered.

Jack squeezed my hand. “I’m getting Peggy. I’ll be right back.”

I let out a shaky breath when he let go of my hand and wrapped my free arm around my stomach. I kept quiet when Jack returned with Peggy. 

“Asta,” Peggy placed a gentle hand on my arm. “Jack tells me you’re not feeling well.”

“She’s been stuck in the lab for over a week,” Jack added. “She was fine until they started calling her in for whatever tests they forgot.”

“You suspect someone in the lab has something to do with this?” Peggy asked.

“I’m not pointing fingers. I’m just saying that she was fine last night, and now she’s not.”

“Do you think he could be right, darling?” she asked.

“I don’t know if I’d, ugh-” I cut myself off to bear out a dizzy spell. “I don’t know if I’d rule it out. They took me by surprise this morning when they grabbed me. I wasn’t able to ask many questions.”

“Help her up, Jack,” Peggy said. “We’re going to the lab.”

He did as he was told and I leaned heavily against him as he helped me down the hall.

“Think you can make it?” he asked.

I nodded and he kissed the top of my head when Peggy wasn’t looking. I stumbled when we were about halfway to the lab and Jack stopped to sweep me into his arms and carry me bridal style the rest of the way. I tucked my face into his neck and focused on the sound of his breathing to distract myself from the nausea. I stopped paying close attention after that.

A man greeted us upon arrival, saying, “Agent Carter, Agent Thompson. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Pleasant surprise, my ass,” Jack muttered. “You have some explaining to do.”

“Excuse me?” The man sounded offended.

“Exactly what tests have you been performing with Asta over the past week?” Peggy asked. “Because I am certain it wasn’t anything sanctioned by the agency.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. Ms. Carter is simply a point of interest for us.”

“In what world would tests for a point of interest leave your subject so nauseated and dizzy that they can hardly keep on their feet?” Peggy demanded.

“I’m sure she’s fine, if not a bit dramatic,” he said. “She left of her own volition not two hours ago.”

“Oh, really? Then I’m sure I can just set her down right here, and she’ll be fine,” Jack said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m sure she would be.”

I clutched at Jack’s suit coat when I felt even a slight shift in his body. “Don’t, please.”

“Can I set you on the table?” he asked, his voice soft enough that only I could hear.

I nodded and he carefully set me on the cool, metal table along the wall of the lab. He stayed close enough that I could’ve reached out and taken his hand.

“See? She’s fine.” The man stepped closer. “Aren’t you, Ms. Carter?”

“What did you do to me?” I asked.

“What?” He stepped even closer. He didn’t realize his mistake. “Speak up, Ms. Carter.”

I reached out and wrapped my hand around his throat, too quickly for him to react. Peggy tried to step in, but Jack held a hand out to stop her. I wasn’t choking him. Just holding him tight enough to scare him a little. Tight enough to keep him from getting away.

“What. Did. You. Do. To. Me,” I ground out. “You and your little minions have kept me locked up here for a week, not telling me exactly what you were doing or why you’ve been poking around.”

“I’m sure-”

I tightened my grip and he whimpered. “Oh, you’re always so sure of yourself, but I don’t have that kind of faith in you. You’re going to tell me what the fuck it is you’ve been doing, or I swear I will crush your neck and watch the life leave your eyes.”

I released him and pushed him away from me. I heard Jack mutter a quick “Holy shit,” before rushing to my side when I started to curl into myself. He helped me sit back against the wall and kept one hand on my knee in case I needed his support.

“Just what have you been doing in this lab?” Peggy repeated. “Even if Asta can’t follow through on her promise, I’d be glad to take a stab at it.”

He looked past Peggy to Jack for some kind of support, but Jack just shook his head.

“We discovered that the structure of her DNA is similar to Steve Rogers’ after the Vita-Ray procedure,” the man began. “We took half the week to test her reflexes and ensure that she was fit enough before-”

“Before what,” Jack hissed.

“Before we began testing our new super-soldier serum.” He seemed to realize that what he’d said wasn’t positive and scrambled to fix that. “We haven’t finished the procedure, yet! There’s no way to be sure that whatever is happening to her is caused by the serum.”

“What is wrong with you?!” Peggy shoved the man hard enough that he fell to the floor. “How dare you even think about trying to recreate the serum! We do not play God in the SSR. And we certainly don’t test… shit on people without their consent!”

“We didn’t know what would happen!”

“I should kill you myself,” Peggy hissed. “Pumping my sister full of poison. You are scum.”

I took Jack's hand and quickly told him to stop Peggy before she actually did murder the man. Jack stepped between them just as one of the lab technicians walked in.

"What's going on?" she asked. She caught sight of me hunched over and her eyes went wide. "Is she okay?"

Jack filled her in on the situation while I did my best to calm Peggy, who was completely seething mad. The technician seemed genuinely horrified.

"I don't think any of us thought he'd go through with it. I mean, he'd talked about it after the initial DNA examination, but no one seemed interested enough in pushing it, so no one presented it to the higher-ups." She shook her head. "I guess a few people were interested enough to start testing."

"Will she be alright?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I'd have to see what the serum was made with in order to determine that."

Peggy seemed to perk up at that and I held her hand tightly and looked from Jack to the scientist on the floor. He seemed to get the idea and started asking him questions before Peggy could make a move. They found a vial of the serum within five minutes.

The technician examined a slide of the serum under the microscope and scribbled notes every time she looked away. I didn't keep a close eye on what she was doing and, instead, opted to rest my head on Jack's shoulder. Peggy held onto my hand even after I loosened my grip.

The technician fussed over the sample for about twenty minutes before making her decision.

"She'll be fine," she announced. "There isn't anything that's immediately toxic in the serum. If I'm being honest, I don't think it's much of a serum at all, but it's definitely enough to cause nausea and dizziness, like Asta is experiencing."

"How long till she's back to normal?" Peggy asks.

The lab tech shrugged. "I'm not sure. Considering the number of doses, I'd say give it a few days and see how she's feeling then."

"So… you're essentially saying she needs to sleep it off?" Jack asked.

"Precisely. Though I would suggest that someone stay with her, or at least frequently check on her. It's easy for someone to get dehydrated in her state."

“At least I’m not going to die,” I mumbled.

Jack laughed and softly said, “I’ll stay with you, if you’d like.”

I turned my head to hide my smile against his arm. “I’d like that, yeah.”

Sousa was called in to help Peggy detain and process the man who had, essentially, poisoned me. Peggy hung back, worrying about leaving me behind and I waved her off, saying that she should go help Daniel.

“I’ll make sure she gets back to her room alright,” Jack said. She didn’t seem convinced and he added, “I’m going to stay with her. She’s not going anywhere for the rest of the day.”

“Alright.” She caressed my cheek and I smiled. “I’ll come to check on you later.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. Just make sure he gets what he deserves.”

She nodded and watched Jack help me off the table. I had hoped I would be able to make it without him having to carry me, but my legs gave out almost as soon as we made it through the doors. I hid my face against his chest after he picked me up.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I hate that you have to do this.”

“You just don’t like feeling helpless,” he said.

I corrected him, saying, “I don’t like being a burden.”

“I get that, but I’d much rather carry you to your room than have you dying in my arms.”

“Aw, two days, and you’re already so attached.” I laughed. “Should I be worried?”

“Oh, definitely,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s just gonna get worse from here.”

I hummed softly and settled against his chest. "I look forward to it."

Once inside my room, Jack helped me gather comfortable clothes and waited outside the bathroom while I changed. I took my hair down and allowed the curls to just hang around my shoulders. When I was done, he helped me hobble to my bed and situate myself before he took his jacket and shoes off. He sat beside me on the bed and kicked his feet up. As soon as he finished loosening his tie I curled into his side, seeking out the warmth of his body.

“If you’re gonna be on the bed, you might as well lie down,” I said.

“You want me to?”

I nodded. “You keep me calm.”

He scooted down the bed and turned on his side. I shuffled closer and pressed my nose to his chest. With one hand held against my stomach, I rested the other on his hip. I sighed softly, content.

“Now who’s the clingy one?”

I smiled and slung my arm over his waist and mumbled, “Still you.”

He snorted. “I walked right into that, didn't I.”

"You did."

"If you're gonna be mean, then maybe I’ll just leave."

"Aw, you don't mean that." I tipped my head up to look at him. He tried to scowl at me and failed. "If you did, you wouldn't be here. Peggy would, and she'd be sitting in that chair over there."

"I know. You're right." He tucked my hair behind my ear. "Just try to rest. I don't need you dying on me."

I nodded and he leaned in to kiss me softly. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead before I snuggled into his chest and allowed myself to drift off.

I woke to a hissing sound several hours later. It took a minute for the sound to register as someone shushing someone else.

“What are you doing in her bed?!” Peggy demanded.

“She is asleep,” Jack hissed back. “Lower your voice.”

“I can see that she’s asleep. Why are you in bed with her?” She sounded upset. “When you said you’d stay with her this certainly isn’t what I pictured.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t.”

“Then why.”

“She asked me to.”

She scoffed. “I highly doubt that.”

“I’d say you could ask her, but she’s asleep.”

“Not anymore,” I mumbled.

Jack let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed my back. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I should probably get up and try to eat something anyway.” I sat slowly up and combed my fingers through my hair. “If you’re going to ask, Peggy, just ask. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

She frowned. “You asked him to stay with you?”

“I did.” I glance at Jack and he smiles. “You have nothing to worry about. He’s taking good care of me. I promise.”

“I just… did I miss something?” she asked. “Have I been ignoring things that are happening in your life?”

“No, you haven’t. This is just something that’s very…” I pressed my hand to my mouth as I searched for the right word. “It’s very personal, and I need to keep it close to my chest for now. I’m not hiding anything from you, I just don’t get many things that are just for me.”

“I understand.” She smiled and reached out for my hand. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course.”

“If you hurt her, Jack, I will murder you.”

Jack shook his head and got up from the bed. “I was really hoping I could avoid the threats until we were further down the line, but thanks for the warning!”

He asked me what I’d like to eat and I asked for some Saltines and water. I didn’t think I could keep anything else down. Peggy almost made for the door, but Jack stopped her and said he’d go out and get some food. He asked if there was anything she wanted while he put his shoes on. When she said no he kissed the top of my head and left for the store. Peggy watched him leave before looking back at me, a mix of shock and confusion on her face.

“What?”

“The two of you seem quite comfortable with each other,” she said. She sat beside me on the bed. “I know you said you’d tell me, but I can’t help feeling as if I missed something.”

“You didn’t, I swear.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You can’t miss something that you weren’t there for.”

“How did it happen?”

I shook my head and scrubbed my hands over my face. “I’m not entirely sure. We’ve bothered each other since I started training, so that had to have been almost a year ago now. Then there was the time I scared the life out of him in the gym, and then last week we started talking after lunch. I think that was the start of anything mutual?”

“Is that why you were late getting back?”

I smiled sheepishly. “Maybe.”

“You could’ve just told me. I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“It’s not that I was worried about that. Like I said, I don’t have many things that are just for me. I wanted to give myself time to feel like I live a normal life.” I pulled my knees to my chest and sighed. “I know that my life will never be normal, and I’m fine with that, but the more time that I’m allowed to work on cases and go out into the city without a chaperone, I feel like I’m taking some normalcy back.”

She took my hand and squeezed gently. “I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Asta. I don’t want to control you or your life, and I’d hate for you to feel that I was doing so.”

"I know you don't, but it feels like the SSR controls almost every facet of my life. It gets frustrating. I wish I had more time for myself." The door opened, but I didn't notice. "I want to learn to paint and go dancing and spend time with Jack. I don't want to feel like a prisoner."

"You want to paint?" Peggy asked.

"I have since I was little. My family was poor, so I never had the money or opportunity, not to mention the fact that I'm a woman. Everything worked against me then. Now I have the money and I have a little extra time." I pressed my nose to my knees. "I know that sounds stupid."

Someone new said, "No, Asta, it doesn't."

I blinked, confused by the new voice, and looked up to see Jack standing beside the bed. "Hey," I said.

"Hey." He held out a sleeve of crackers and a glass of water.

"Thank you." I smiled and took them from him. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I didn't want to interrupt your conversation," he said.

“How considerate of you.” Peggy squeezed my knee and pushed herself up from the bed. “I have to get back to work. I’ll check in tomorrow and see how you’re doing.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” I said.

I watched her leave before setting the glass of water on the bedside table and opening the sleeve of crackers. Jack returned to his place on the bed and I let my head fall to his shoulder as I nibbled on one cracker. I think I ate nearly half the sleeve before I felt I could drink anything, and quickly downed the entire glass of water when I tried. I was exhausted by the end and settled back against Jack once I’d placed the empty glass on the table.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes. Thank you. For all of this, really.”

“It’s not a problem, Asta, really.”

“I just don’t want to become your problem,” I mumbled. “I’ve caused a lot of worry for you over the past week. I don’t want that to be where we start.”

“An agent would’ve been assigned to monitor you, regardless. I’d rather it be me than someone else.” I frowned and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You’re not a burden, Asta. I’m worried about you because I care for you. There’s no start or end involved there. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Is that okay with you?”

I nodded. "It's alright with me."

"Good."

I nodded against his shoulder again and cuddled into his side as my eyes grew heavy. Jack helped me lay down again without saying anything and held my hand as I drifted off.

"I probably won't be here when you wake up again," he said. " I've gotta get some work done in the office and then get home for the night."

"Okay."

"I'll be back tomorrow to check on you. If Carter doesn't get to you first, that is."

"You can still come if you want," I mumble. "I like spending time with you."

I felt him chuckle against my hair. "I'm glad you do."

I hummed and pressed my nose to his chest. "Goodnight, Jack."

"G'night, sweetheart."

--------

Part 2

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#jack thompsonxreader #steve rogerxreader #readerxsteve rogers #steve rogers x reader #jack thompson #peggy carter #agent carter

[sweetpeagarbage]

Grief, Gin, & a Bad Boy (Part 1)

Sweet Pea x Reader

Warnings: Death, Depression, Slight Alchololism, Drug Use, Eventual Smut

Reader is Midge’s best friend. After she’s murdered, everyone else seems to have moved on. You still miss her and have trouble coping with it. You meet a tall gang member at party and he seems like a great distraction.

Kevin dragged you to this party and you couldn’t be more pissed about it. Your only saving grace is the cup of jungle juice in your hand. You’d already chugged three and you were feeling it. This one was just to replenish once your buzz wore off. Kevin was off with Betty somewhere and you’d slunk off to hide in the stairwell behind a couple making out.

You can’t help but think of Midge. She used to drag you to these things too with Moose. That seemed like a world away now. Where you were reserved and almost always caught with a resting bitch face, Midge was a smiley ball of sunshine. When she’d first dragged you into the playground with her in second grade you’d been determined not to like her.

Sometimes, when you missed her so much it hurt, you wish she’d never smiled at you that day.

You didn’t realize you were crying until a tear landed on your hand and then into your cup.

“Shit,” you mumbled under your breath and wiped at the tears quickly. You got up and carefully made you way past the couple and to the bathroom where you had to kick out another couple just about to go at it.

You slammed the door behind you and stared at yourself in the mirror. Your red eyes could be explained by the jay you’d smoked off of someone outside but the tear streaks you hadn’t wiped at yet we’re clear. Your shift your expression in the mirror from sadness back to blank and then put on your mask for the rest of the world.

“She’s not half as mean as she looks,” Midge would tell everyone. You can almost hear it in her voice.

With that, you leave the bathroom and run right into a hard body.

“Jesus watch where you’re-“ you begin and then look up to who you’d run into.

Fangs stares back at you, shock written on his face. You’re sure you look that way too until you wipe it off your expression. You turn to leave but he grabs you by the arm softly. You hadn’t seen him since the riots. It had all gone so fast. Midget had just died and word got out she was cheating on Moose with a Serpent. Everyone had gone on a witch hunt and of course came to you demanding a name.

You’d played dumb. Lied about Midge not telling you anything but you knew it was Fangs. You also knew he was in deep with her and wouldn’t hurt a hair on her head. Telling Reggie and his goons would just mean they’d hurt him.

It didn’t make a difference because Fangs got shot anyways. You hadn’t spoken to him since the moments before he’d gotten shot.

You yank your arm free harder than you meant to,”I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely,” Just had my last check up. I’m all healed up.”

“Good,” you say, you mean it but talking to him makes you hurt remembering Midge.

“Look, after everything happened I never got a chance to properly thank you for not ratting me out.”

You exhale a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding,” Yeah, well. It’s what she would’ve wanted.”

“You could’ve just given me up but you didn’t. I won’t forget that.”

You scoff, “What difference does it make? Midge is still dead and you got shot. My silence did nothing.”

You stare at the wal behind him, flashes of blood and knives, and screaming going through your head.

“Are you okay?”

You snap your eyes back to Fangs, “Fine.”

“Are you here with anyone? I came with some of my friends if you wanna-“

“There you are!”

You turn to see Kevin coming towards you and taking you by the arm,” I’ve been looking all over. I’m about to do shots.”

Kevin looks between you and Fangs,” Sorry am I interrupting?”

“Nope,” you say quickly and shot Kevin the fakest smile,” Lead me to the shots.”

Kevin pulls you away talking your ear off and you don’t look back. People say hi to you throughout the house and you greet them back. You see several bulldogs crowded around a table with tequila shots and lime.

“Shit looks like the jocks got to them first.”

“You think I’m gonna let Bulldogs stop me,” you say and untangle from him, pushing between two football players and finding yourself across from Reggie Mantle.

He smirks when he sees you and you’re sure you scowl as your eyes narrow.

“Well, well, well Bulldogs it looks like we’ve got a new challenger. You up for it sweetheart?”

You’re suddenly very aware that they’ve created a spectacle of all this. There’s a bunch of Riverdale student cheering it on and you’ve caught yourself in the middle of it.

“What’s the rules Mantle?” You asks, refusing to be unfazed.

“That’s cute. No rules. Shots until you can’t anymore. You vs me. What do you say?”

You don’t hate Reggie. At least you didn’t used to. He was more an asshole in the periphery of your vision. Of course being friends with your best friend boyfriend meant Midge had dragged you on double dates hoping you’d click but Reggie was simple and you were not down to be his arm candy.

Then after Midge had been killed in the middle of your deepest grief he’d cornered you with a bunch of his Bulldogs and demanded you give him the name of the Serpent Midge was cheating with. You’d been crying and screaming and traumatized and his bullshit had sent you over an edge.

You hadn’t really come back since.

“You’re on,” you say and there’s something heavy in the air. Someone starts to count down and once your hear zero you slam back the first shot and then the second and then the third and the fourth and the fifth and Reggie is coughing and sputtering at that point but there’s eight shots laid out and you finish all of them. Everyone cheers around you and you don’t care as they pay you on the back. You’re staring right at Reggie and hoping he sees how much you hate him.

Kevin is the one to drag you away from it, yelling over the music about how much you just drank and asking if you’re okay.

“Fine!” you yell and then Kevin pauses and looks to someone and you follow his eyes to Moose. They both smile.

You knew they were fucking and you had no right to be mad but you were always angry nowadays and Kevin just so happened to be here.

“You two are really fucking obvious,” you say and Kevin snaps his head to you with wide eyes, “You think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Look I didn’t mean for it to happen especially after-“

You yank yourself free of him, “Don’t say her name.”

You’re not sure where you’re going but then you find yourself back in the kitchen with the Bulldogs and getting more jungle juice.

You feel him beside you before you see him. It pisses you off you’ve been around him enough times to know his cologne.

“It was kind of hot that you beat me.”

“Fuck off, Reggie,” you say without looking at him.

“Look I get that you hate me. I do. But can’t we move past it all. We had a lot of fun.”

You didn’t think you could get any angrier but you did.

“I think you think you get just how much I hate you but you don’t. And let me make it clear, I didn’t have fun when we fucked. I was drunk and you were the closest thing with a dick.”

He looks upset for just a moment before he smirks, “Well it looks like I’m the closest thing again. Wanna go for another round?”

You leaned close to him, making him think his charms had worked and then you stopped, eyes fierce,” Fucking me doesn’t count as an I’m sorry I started a panic that made Midge’s mother shoot someone and forget that the reason everything started in the first place was because your best friend died. You might not have killed Midge but you made damn sure finding her murdered became about everything else but her. Everyone forgot Midge and I blame you, you fucking idiot.”

“Everything okay here?”

You don’t look away from Reggie but you recognize Fangs’ voice. Reggie looks from you to him and you know somethings about to start.

“Fangs, how you doing buddy?”

“Fine,” he said curtly as you still stared down at Reggie, daring him to do something so you had a reason to make a scene, “Y/N are you good?”

“Why wouldn’t she be good Fogarty?”

“Because she looks like she wants to kill you.”

You snap out of it then and mumble out that you’re fine before downing more jungle juice.

“You know just because you feel bad doesn’t mean you gotta follow her around?” Reggie said and then tried to protectively put his arm around you. You shove him off much harder than you intend and send him onto the floor

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you slur out as the kitchen goes quiet, watching the scene unfold.

“Why are you so mad at me?” Reggie screamed, pulling himself up from the floor and making you jump back at his anger, “I’m not the one who was fucking Midge!”

It’s a different type of silent now at the mention of her name. Everyone knew The Black Hood went after your best friend because she was cheating on Moose with Fangs, an act deemed immoral by the serial killer. You never judged her for it, pushed her to do right by Moose because he was a good guy, but never judged her.

Reggie definitely was.

“If you want someone to be mad at, be mad at the guy that stuck his-“

Reggie doesn’t have a chance to finish because your fist is in his nose. You’re cursing at him and swinging and you can feel yourself being pulled back from him but whoever it is isn’t strong enough. You lurch out of their grip and tackle Reggie, hitting him again and again.

“Don’t you fucking put it on her,” you’re screaming, “Don’t you dare blame her!”

Before you can register it you’re being picked up around your waist and hauled off, still kicking and screaming.

“Put me down,” you yell, trying to pry the arms that carry you outside into the cool night air.

Finally, you’re set down on the porch and you whip around to see a frantic Fangs and Sweet Pea.

“Jesus you’re stronger than you look,” Sweet Pea mumbles, catching his breath.

“Look,” Fangs began gently, blocking your path back inside, “As much as I’d love to see Reggie get a black eye this isn’t you. You’re drunk and you’re angry and-“

“How about you don’t tell me what I am and move out of my way?” you growl at him, arms crossed.

“Midge wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“Midge is dead,” you replied, voice cold, “And I don’t need you to-“

You stop, eyebrows knitting together.

“What’s wrong?” Fangs asked.

You turn and throw your face over the porch as you violently throw up the contents of your stomach.

“I’m gonna go get her some water. Just don’t leave her side,” you hear Fangs say.

You hate being this girl. You didn’t used to drink this much and you certainly weren’t this angry when you did. It just made things easier.

You finally stop, catching your breath and groaning off the side of the balcony.

“Ew,” you mumble to yourself.

“You good?”

You’d forgotten Sweet Pea was still there to watch you. You had no right to be angry with him...or Fangs. So you resigned yourself to the exhaustion fighting its way into your body.

“Fine,” you throw over your shoulder, straightening up and running your hands back through your hair.

“You don’t look fine.”

You glare at him over your shoulder, faltering back a bit, still drunk, “Don’t take this the wrong way but I’m really fucking tired of people telling me that.”

Sweet Pea chuckles to himself, “You’re fun when you’re pissed.”

You go quiet, making him feel bad. Slowly, he came to stand next to you.

“For real, how’ve you been doing?”

You look to him. You hadn’t spoken to him since Fangs got shot. When Fangs and Midge had first hooked up, you’d found yourself awkwardly with him as both of your best friends made out across the room at the White Wyrm. He’d cracked a joke and made you laugh. You’d thought he was cute back then.

“I just punched Reggie Mantle in the face and threw up. How do you think I’m doing?”

“Well only one of those things sounds like it wasn’t fun,” he teased and you chuckled under your breath, “Oh look she still smiles.”

You half heartedly glare at him and he smiles down at you, all teeth and big, brown eyes and you can’t have the heart to be mad anymore. Vaguely you start to remember the time you’d danced with each other at a party. It seemed like a world away.

“Thank you,” you say hesitantly.

He shrugged, “You didn’t rat Fangs out and you really didn’t have to be there when he got shot...but you were. Makes you alright in my book.”

You scoffed, “Just alright?”

“Well you do go around punching people so I gotta wait before I give you the full okay.”

“Afraid I’ll turn on you,” you teased, the alcohol on your blood and on your breath making you confident as you stepped closer to him and his eyes darken enough for you to hold your breath.

“Promises, promises,” he drawls, and you’re fresh out of air in your lungs.

The door opens and you don’t realize just how close you’ve gotten to Sweet Pea. You take a step back as Fangs comes out with a bottle of water. He raises a brow at Sweet Pea who pretends like nothing had happened.

“I got you some water,” Fangs said and handed it to you. You quickly began to drink it down, grateful. When you’re done you look to him.

“I’m sorry,” you say sincerely, “You didn’t deserve me yelling at you.”

He looks down at his feet, “Not really sure what I deserve right now.”

You know what he means and suddenly you can see the guilt and grief that hangs over you is right above his head as well, darkening you both. All the time you’d been avoiding Fangs and he might be the only one who really, truly understood just how you felt about losing Midge. Sure, Moose was her boyfriend but you and Fangs shared the same guilt in the thing the Black Hood has judged her for. She cheated on Moose with Fangs and you watched her do it, you lied for her, you were by her side when you went to meet him. You weren’t the ones that killed her but it felt like it sometimes.

“It wasn’t your fault.” It tumbled out before you lose the nerve and then you’re reaching out to squeeze his hand. He takes it, giving you a squeeze back and a small smile.

Something bubbles in your chest and you let go more forcefully than you intended.

“Nights still young,” Sweet Pea said, breaking the tension, “y’all still down to party?”

“Fuck it,” you mumble and you’re the first one back into the house

You find yourself at the beer pong table. You slink the last shot right into the final cup in your game. Sweet Pea and you are on the winning team and just beat Cheryl and Toni. Sweet Pea hollers and pick you up, spinning you around. He’s caught up to you in how drunk you are.

He puts you down, quickly and yells over the cheers, “Don’t throw up!”

“Fuck you,” you yell and shove him at his chest playfully. He grabs your hand and holds it there, making intense eye contact with you.

“Got room for another game.”

Your moments broken up by a particularly pissed looking Reggie with a bruised nose. You snort a laugh, too drunk to be angry anymore.

“Not enough that a punched you in the face you want me to wreck you at beer pong too, Mantle?” you call out, laughing and taunting him as you down what’s in your cup.

“I could wreck you sweetheart,” Reggie says, lewdly scanning your body.

“Mantle you wanna fuck off,” Sweet Pea said calmly, arms crossed.

Reggie looks from Sweet Pea to you, his smile unnerving, “Careful, bro. She’s pretty but she might punch you in the face next.”

You recover quickly and drawl, “Oh my god you think I’m pretty.”

Moose comes to his side, pulling him away and looking at you with an apologetic look. It was the only way he ever looked at you now.

“C’mon bro that’s enough,” Moose said, tugging Reggie away.

Reggie pointed to Sweet Pea with a smirk, “She’s a real handful when she’s mad but she’s a great time.”

Luckily no ones paying attention to the drunk Bulldog this time. You know Sweet Pea hears it though because he looks from Reggie to you with a raised brow. Your jaw clenched and you start to walk away but Sweet Pea stops you. You hate that he made you feel ashamed of yourself. You hate Reggie for making you remember this drunk, angry girl is not who you are.

“Wanna get out of here?”

There’s tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and you’re suddenly very aware of how loud it is in here, back leaning against a wall.

You look up at him and wipe it all away to smirk and bat your lashes, “I want you to take me somewhere to fuck me.”

His brows shoot off his head, “Don’t fuck me to get back at Reggie.”

“I’m fucking you because you look like you want it about as much as I do,” you’re pushing it. You know that but Sweet Pea smiles and leans down until his lips are at your ear.

“If you did wanna piss Reggie off look at him right now,” he whispers in your ear, hands coming up to grab at your waist. You find Reggie over Sweet Pea’s shoulder, glaring at the two of you. You smirk at him just as Sweet Pea pulls back to look at your face, forcing your attention to him.

“Was he looking?” he asked though his eyes are on your lips, the last thing in his mind Reggie Mantle.

“Yeah,” you manage as the hulking boy in front of you puts a hand at your jaw, tilting your face up.

“Good, let’s give him a show.”

He kisses you deep, thumb brushing at your cheek and pulling you so close you gasp. In the space of your parted lips, his tongue meets yours. All thoughts other than the Serpent holding you leave your head. He’s a good kisser, a great kisser and he’s everywhere. Your back presses into the wall and you find yourself fisting your hands in his shirt, trying to pull him closer but there’s no more space for you two to close between you.

He brings a leg forward, making you part yours for him. There’s a whimper in your ears and you realize it’s you. He chuckles, dangerous and low against your mouth.

“You okay baby girl?”

You nod, eyes still closed.

“Look at me.”

You pull your gaze to his and if you couldn’t hear your heartbeat before you can now looking into his eyes, pupils blown wide and gaze heavy lidded on you. He puts his fingers under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him.

“When I fuck you, it’s going to be because you want me so bad you can’t take it. Not because we’re drunk and you want to piss off Reggie.”

He kisses you one last time, slow and sweet instead of with the sloppy heat of before. He finds your hand entangling with his.

When he pulls away your gaze at him is soft.

“C’mon let’s get some water,” he suggest over the music and leads you away hand in hand. You don’t even look back at Reggie as he pulls you through the crowd.

#sweet pea au #sweet pea headcanon #riverdale au #riverdale fanfic #sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea x you #reggie mantle #riverdale oc #riverdale #sweet pea x y/n #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea smut

[theycallme-thejackal]

One MidgeLenny x TSwift Fic Per Day

12. End Game

She is knee-deep in rumors.

Between her new gig on Gordon Ford, the sudden booting from Shy’s tour, and the always-present rumors about her relationship with Lenny Bruce, there’s constant speculation about her love life. Add in Sophie Lennon and L. Roy Dunham’s constant attacks, and Midge is...tired.

“This is not how I wanted to get famous,” she says as she takes a drink. It’s a relatively fancy place, but when Shy Baldwin’s paying, you go wherever he wants.

Shy chuckles mirthlessly. “You’re a woman in showbiz. This was, unfortunately, always going to be part of the gig,” he says.

Midge sighs, leaning back in the booth. “I’m tired,” she admits. “It doesn’t help that Gordon’s not exactly trying to dispel the rumors,” she adds with an eye roll.

“That’s because he wants them to be true,” Shy replies. “But I obviously am not interested in you,” he says with a brow raise, and she laughs softly. “And Lenny Bruce has come to your defense a few times.”

Midge’s heart twists. She knows he has. Because he cares about her and her career more than even she does sometimes. “He’s got a reputation,” she says, swirling the gin in her glass with the stick of olives, “but the truth is that Lenny Bruce is an incredibly sweet man.”

Shy nods. “Yeah, I got that impression,” he says, and Midge looks at him in surprise. “I may have put the pieces together in Miami. Saw him in the bar before the show one night, and then you disappeared pretty early in my set...showed up to sound check looking slightly less than perfect but very happy.” He shrugs. “Figured you two - ”

“We didn’t,” she interrupts, waving her hand to stop him. “We almost did, but...I realized that there were feelings involved, and I wasn’t ready.”

“You have feelings for Lenny Bruce?” He asks.

“Worse. I’m in love with him,” she admits aloud for the first time. “The night before he played Carnegie Hall, we may have...”

Shy barks a laugh. “Mrs. Maisel, you’ve been holding out on me,” he says.

“Well now we both know each other’s secret,” she tells him.

“At least yours won’t get you blacklisted and thrown in a psych ward somewhere,” Shy rebuts.

Midge smiles apologetically. “It’ll change,” she promises. “One day it will. I really believe that.”

He leans forward, flagging down the server for another round. “Not in my lifetime, sister,” he replies sadly.

“I hope you’re wrong about that,” she breathes.

Shy gives her a sad grin. “I hope so too.”

#midgelenny #midge x lenny #midgexlenny #tmmm fanfic #marvelous mrs. maisel fanfic #otp: more important than god #jackal fics #mltswift

[withabackpackandcamera]

July 3rd, 2021

Day 8: Horses, Waterfalls, and Highlands On Our Last Full Day of Nature

Over the last two days of driving, an idea came to me of how I could finally give Cynthia her overdue birthday gift while here in Iceland. With so much commuting time to ponder it, I slowly thought about the possibilities and finally came up with the idea of an impromptu Icelandic horseback riding experience! Cynthia loves horses and riding on an Icelandic horse would be both a unique and fun experience to have while here in Iceland! So after I threw that idea out, Cynthia called some places to figure out what last minute options we had for booking. Eventually, we settled on Vik Horse Adventures, a horse-riding tour company in Vik, that had open time slots that were most convenient for our already-packed itinerary. 

This morning, we woke up early (despite really wanting to sleep in) and ate a quick breakfast Cynthia made for us while enjoying our tall-windowed morning views of the plains leading down to the black sand beach and ocean water. Once we finished breakfast, Minh drove us out to Vik and dropped us off at Vik Horse Adventures. After an orientation to riding techniques and our horses, we quickly climbed on top of our designated horses and made our way out of the barn and toward the black sand beach located a little ways behind the barn. 

My horse’s name was Atgeir, one of the younger horses I believe. He was a funny horse. From what the company folks had to say about him, he was puppy-like in nature, curious, loved to snack along the way, and enjoyed getting into people’s businesses! Also, he was always a little itchy and needed a scratch. I feel ya, Atgeir. As for Cynthia, she got old, reliable, “been through this a few times” Hektor. Anyhow, we rode our horses in a line down to the black sand beach, with me and Atgeir walking somewhere in the middle of the line. We trotted slowly down to the beach, where we rode over the black sand before stopping for some photos. After our photos, we rode back toward the barn along a different path, where we got to do some fast-paced trotting/galloping as well as ride through a stream of water. Eventually, after some more fast-paced jogging, we arrived back at the barn and bid farewell to our horses and the workers. The last minute birthday gift experience was fun, and Cynthia definitely enjoyed her time with Hektor!

While waiting for Minh to pick us up, we spent some extra time with the horses as they were cooling down behind the barn before walking over to a grocery store and a cafe to buy some snacks and croissant sandwiches for the last long drive of the trip. Once we finally got picked up, we made a brief stop to see Vik Church, the iconic church located on the hilltop overlooking the town of Vik. Unfortunately, given how heavy the clouds and fog were blanketing the area by the time we got to the church, the photo opportunity was poor so we didn’t spend too much time there before driving off to pick up our parents from Black Beach Suites. 

Back at the suite, we packed the rest of our stuff. Before long, we had the car packed and were ready to hit the road once more. Because of the impromptu horse riding experience this morning, we were a little behind schedule. With a ton left to still see and do, it was time to play some catch up. 

Our first stop after getting gas this morning was Seljalandsfoss, the beautiful waterfall in south Iceland that you can walk right behind as it flows down from the cliff above. This was my third time visiting Seljalandsfoss, and luckily for me, it was definitely not as busy as I thought it’d be given its popularity amongst international tourists. We did a brief walkthrough of the waterfall, took some photos with midges flying all around, and then jumped back in the car to continue on. Oh, and we were nice and gave our parking ticket to some other random family driving in to save them some money before driving off (later than expected) to see one of the expected highlights of the trip: The Icelandic Highlands.

The Icelandic Highlands are some of the coolest and most scenic places in Iceland. Before this trip, I had never had the opportunity to see them because of how difficult they are to get to. But I made it a goal to see the highlands with my whole family this trip. And with Cynthia working most weekdays, today was the only day that we could put aside to see them together. And because we didn’t have nearly enough time to see all the cool, accessible places in the highlands, I only chose a couple of places that were close to one another and easily accessible from where we were, hoping that those sites would at least give us a small taste of the amazingness of the highlands. 

Our first stop in the highlands was Haifoss, a beautiful waterfall that flowed over a beautifully colored canyon. When I planned our trip through the highlands, I was worried that whatever car we got wouldn’t be able to handle the gravely-and-rocky F roads. Luckily, for this first part of the trip to Haifoss, the drive wasn’t actually too bad. For a large chunk of the trip, the drive was primarily on paved roads before it transitioned to gravel roads that weren’t nearly as rough as I thought they’d be but rough enough that I was glad that we rented a 4x4. 

Once we arrived at Haifoss, there were only 4-5 cars in the parking lot, a relatively small crowd for how easily accessible this beautiful area was (though it did get much busier shortly after). And it was quite spectacular! The deep canyon over which the waterfall flowed was beautifully striped with vivid earthly colors. And the two huge waterfalls flowing there were gorgeous as well, though both waterfalls were beautiful in their own different ways. By this point in the day, the afternoon sunlight was hitting the waterfalls straight on, providing even lighting for some attempts at decent landscape photography… So I took out my camera and tripod to take some photos. At the end of it all, the photos were OK because the sky was subpar. And canyons and waterfalls are never that easy to capture on camera. They’re much prettier when seen in person with your own eyes. Anyhow, my family and I stayed at Haifoss and cycled through multiple viewpoints until we were satisfied with the views and left for our next location: Sigöldugljúfur. 

Sigöldugljúfur, also known as the Valley of Tears, is a well-Instagrammed canyon with tons of small waterfalls flowing into the canyon and filling up its floor with very turquoise blue water. A magnificent and tranquil scene. To get there, we had to endure a much longer and rougher drive than the drive we had just taken to Haifoss. But again, we were lucky that there were some paved parts to drive on to escape the rocky, unpaved parts. Once we finally got to the parking lot for Sigöldugljúfur, my dad and Minh walked out ahead of me and Cynthia to check out the scenery and scout the location. But before long, they waved to us and turned back, saying that they didn’t see anything worth visiting and that we should turn around and start heading back toward Reykjavik to get home early. 

After all of that driving, there was no way I was going to turn back and not see what I was looking forward to seeing. And so I decided that, with Minh and Cynthia, I would go back out there and look for Sigöldugljúfur despite my parents’ protests that we should head back. I was a bit upset at the situation but whatever. I looked online and confirmed we were in the right spot to see the canyon. And I spoke with a drone-flyer and confirmed with him that we were in the right location as well. So, I left my parents in the car and left Cynthia and Minh behind as I started my search for the canyon. I hiked all the way past the point where my dad and brother had previously turned back, determined to find the canyon and determined to take decent photos of it before returning to the car within a reasonable amount of time (because sometimes I spend too much time taking photos at different locations, thus delaying the trip and making everyone wait, and I didn’t want to do that again if I could avoid it). 

Eventually, I found what I was looking for: Sigöldugljúfur. Though I found it located much further out from the parking lot than I expected. The canyon of waterfalls was gorgeous to finally see in person after seeing it on Instagram over the years. As Cynthia and Minh trailed behind me, I started to take my photos so that we could head back sooner rather than later. After taking some shots from one vantage point, I tried another until Cynthia and Minh made it over. We took a couple of group photos and then headed back to the car after around 30-45 minutes at the canyon so that we could continue on with the trip. 

By this time, it was starting to get late into the afternoon and the sun wasn’t so high in the sky anymore. And we were running out of time to see everything we wanted to see AND get back in time to eat dinner and possibly go out to the volcano site again. So, because we were still far from Reykjavik and because the drive out to Landmannalaugar, a gem in the area, was way too far and way too difficult to race to on gravel roads, we decided to scrap that plan (and unfortunately miss out on seeing it… again) and instead, started our drive back toward Reykjavik with a pit stop at Geysir and Strokkur, the geysers located in the Golden Circle. 

It took a longer-than-expected drive to get to Geysir and Strokkur. But given the beautiful evening weather, it wasn’t such a bad drive. Once we were at the geysers, we looked around the geothermal area and braved the annoying midges to watch Strokkur erupt a few times before starting our trip back to the capital. At this point, because we were essentially in the middle of the Golden Circle, we had to drive through half of the Golden Circle route to get back to Reykjavik. And fortunately for everyone, they got to sort of see, from the outside of the park and while driving by, the landscape of Þingvellir and its rift valley, where two tectonic plates are slowly drifting apart. After the brief stops near Þingvellir, we finally started our long drive back to Reykjavik. 

As we approached downtown Reykjavik, nostalgia hit me. All these familiar sights and scenes that I have seen over and over again during my last couple of trips. Man, it was nice to see Reykjavik again. Though, this time, there was a lot more construction throughout downtown than what I remembered seeing in 2017. We had to navigate through all of the construction to grab our dinner for the evening from good ol’ Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur, the Icelandic hotdog stand located in downtown Reykjavik, because most other places were closed by the time we arrived in Reykjavik. I dropped my family off so they could walk around and order the hotdogs while I drove up and down some streets to look for parking. Eventually, after 10-15 minutes of driving, I found a spot right next to the hotdog stand where I could park. I then joined up with my family at the hotdog stand, where I enjoyed two delicious hotdogs before climbing back into the car to drive to our nearby AirBnB. 

Once at the AirBnB, which was located right on the outskirts of downtown and close to Landspitali, the hospital I briefly worked at in 2017, we met our hosts, a very nice and welcoming couple who live just below the AirBnB they were renting out to us. We were briefly shown around the unit and then left to ourselves, during which time we got settled and comfortable in our home for the next two nights. 

But us kiddos didn’t stay settled for very long. With the evening skies looking clear and weather conditions looking promising, I decided pretty late that it would be a waste not to attempt another hike to check out the Geldingadalir/Fagradalsfjall volcano. Even though it was late and even though I was extremely exhausted from the day’s and trip’s cumulative activities. But I thought to myself… “When will I get another good chance like this to see an active volcano in person?” and “I can just rest when I get back home to the States.” So, I committed myself to a very tiring and late night and roped both Minh AND Cynthia into coming along for the late night-early morning adventure as well. We all quickly packed our belongings for the hike and bundled up before finally leaving the house for the volcano around 11:15pm. Because I was so tired, I asked Minh to drive, which provided me with a brief opportunity to rest my eyes and recharge in the back seat before we arrived at the parking lot for the volcano around midnight or so. What happens next… will not happen today! So stay tuned for Part 2 of the volcano adventure!  

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. Typically, all horse breeds have three natural gaits: the walk, the trot, and the gallop. However, due to the unique body structures of Icelandic horses, not only do they have the three typical gaits mentioned above, they also have two unique gaits called the tölt and the flying pace that other horse breeds do not have. Don’t ask me what that actually entails because I wouldn’t really understand… but it’s pretty cool and super unique! 

2. According to our horse tour guides, there are approximately 19,000 horses (give or take) in Iceland and most of them are used for tourism, shows and competitions, farming, and for private use. And tradition here is that all horses in Iceland are Icelandic purebreds. With these purebred horses, there are very strict rules by which they and their owners must abide. One is that they must be purebred in Iceland. And two is that if any Icelandic horse leaves the country, it can never come back into the country. Additionally, no horses that are from outside of Iceland can be introduced into Iceland, resulting in the purebred horse population in Iceland being very isolated and exclusive to Iceland, something that has been going on for about a thousand years. These rules make Icelandic horses one of the most purely bred horses in the world. And one benefit from this isolation: they are pretty healthy and don’t die of horse influenza even though they are not vaccinated against it. . 

3. There have been a ton of movies and shows that have been filmed all over Iceland throughout the years. Interestingly enough, there have been a ton filmed near Vik, like Star Wars: Rogue One, Game of Thrones, and the new Netflix original series Katla. Supposedly, Iceland was a very popular location to film movies and shows last year during the pandemic because there were so little restrictions that the movie industry had to abide by, making it easy for movie folks to come over and work on their projects. 

4. Not all F roads are super rocky, gravel-y roads. Some parts are paved like regular roads. Others are less rocky and easily passable by simple sedans and passenger cars (though not recommended). But I’m sure there are a TON of roads that are almost impassable in a smaller 4x4 due to how rough they are. 

5. Strokkur, the geyser that is still alive in the Golden Circle, seems to erupt, on average, every 2-6 minutes plus or minus a few minutes, based on my 30 minute observation and timing of its eruptions. Geysir, on the other hand, is dead and no longer erupting.

#withabackpackandcamera #huyphan8990 #travelblog #travel #blog #journal #Seljalandsfoss #Haifoss #IcelandicHighlands #Sigöldugljúfur #VikHorseAdventures #horsebackriding #Vik #church #horses #waterfalls #canyons #Froads #landscapephotography #travelphotography #photography #seeingtheworld #wanderlust #pandemictravels #Geysir #Strokkur #Reykjavik #Icelandichotdogs #highlands #Þingvellir

[lilibetts]

Please wait, LoveAlarm is syncing itself to your heart!

Falling In Love With Riverdale, Theme 1: Sugar

Part 1/3

At this very moment in the not-so-idyllic town of Riverdale, Betty Cooper is 16 years, 41 weeks, 1 day, 20 hours and 34 minutes old and, to see Kevin describe it, she has been in love with Archie Andrews for 1 year, 5 months, and 14 days.

From inside the relative security of the F Hallway girls’ bathroom, she takes a deep breath to mark the magnitude of the moment, and hits [Install] on her phone. It takes less than a minute for the blue line to complete a circle and once it does, she opens the app and fills in her personal details.

Please wait, the app cheerily asks her, bright pinks and blues swirling across the screen, LoveAlarm is syncing itself to your heart!

Well, Betty sighs to herself, there’s no going back now. 

LoveAlarm is the latest matchmaking app to launch and in the two weeks since, it seems like *everyone* at Riverdale High has downloaded it. It syncs itself to your heart and a bright red heart alarm would ping if there is someone within twenty feet who loves you.

Naturally, the romantic landscape of Riverdale High School has been completely leveled. 

Midge Klump and Moose Mason both downloaded the app, only for it to tell Midge her love was unrequited. Ginger Lopez had situated herself in a prime location outside the gym doors when basketball practice let out—nobody within twenty feet of her—in the hopes that when the team’s star power forward, Anthony Parrish, came out, their phones would mutually ping. 

Instead, it was Ben Button who walked down that stretch of the hallway; instead, it was Ben Button who made her phone ping.  Then Anthony came out and *his* phone pinged, but Ginger’s did not again. According to the school grapevine, Ginger had lost her shit and called Ben a ‘baby-faced freak’.

Truthfully, the whole concept behind the app horrifies Betty, but she has to know. Making sure that every possible setting for the app is set to her phone’s vibrate function, she shoulders her backpack and heads into the cafeteria.

The walls are decorated from corner to corner with red, white, and pink streamers in anticipation of the Valentine’s Day party that will be held on Friday. PizzaShak is giving them a great deal on heart-shaped pizzas.

Her friends are at their usual table in the corner and with every step Betty takes, she is closer to knowing. When Archie hears his phone chime once she is within the twenty feet circumference, will he put two-and-two together? Will her own phone buzz with the truth? All around her, the crowded cafeteria is full of hopefuls checking their phones.

The round table has three curved benches attached to it. Kevin and Veronica share one, and across from them, Jughead and Archie split the other two. Betty slides into the space on Jughead’s left, exchanging happy hellos with her friends. Wordlessly, she hands over one of the two sandwiches she’d packed for Jughead to take. As always, he makes a show of letting out an aggrieved sigh when he spots the lettuce and sliced tomato in there with the turkey, but dutifully takes his sandwich while sliding over the remaining brownie square from his vending machine packet. This is their unspoken pact: she makes sure the bottomless pit that is Jughead Jones is sated with something healthier, he makes sure she gets a non-Alice-approved treat.

The sandwich she made is gone in three bites.

<Good?> she signs, arching one eyebrow.

<You know it,> Jughead replies, still chewing the last mouthful of turkey sandwich.

Betty has been deaf since she was three years old, after a bout with meningitis, and just because she’s well-liked among her peers doesn’t mean many of them would go as far as to learn sign language for her. That Kevin, Archie, Jughead, and Veronica have is part and parcel of why they’re her best friends.

A booted foot taps insistently against hers under the table and Betty turns away from Jughead, still grinning, to focus on Kevin. 

/Did you watch The Bachelor last night?/ His hands move as rapidly as he speaks.

/No,/ Betty tells him. /Unlike you, I actually studied for the History test./

“Har har,” Kevin deadpans. They’re both distracted by Veronica clapping her hands. 

“OMG!” she says gleefully, slapping Kevin’s bicep. /Kelley is an ICON! I told you./

As much as Betty loves her friends’ ridiculously dramatic day-after recaps, she’s too distracted to really pay attention to whatever last night’s spectacle had been about. Across the table, Archie is checking his phone, thumbs tapping and sliding across the screen. A wide grin splits his face and he turns the screen out to show Jughead.

3 people in a twenty feet radius love you!

Betty flushes and looks away, embarrassed. Of course. As covertly as possible, she takes advantage of everyone’s inattention to check her own phone.

Zero.

Nobody within a twenty feet radius loves you.

As Cheryl Strayed wrote, “acceptance is a small, quiet room”. As the realization sinks in, Betty watches, as if from a greater distance, Archie glancing around at the nearby tables, determined to figure out who those three people could be. After a few murmured words from Jughead that she can’t decipher thanks to his head being turned away from her, Archie takes off to make the rounds. A process of elimination, most likely.

Betty isn’t sure what she feels. Irritation more than disappointment? Relief? The latter emotion surprises her, especially now that she knows Archie isn’t in love with her. Kevin, and then later Veronica when she’d arrived in Riverdale, have been after her to confess her feelings to Archie but Betty has kept demurring or putting it off. Her usual excuse being that she’s too scared to wreck her friendship with him. 

Sure, they’re right when they say she’s being a coward; but is her relief after the LoveAlarm revelation just relief that now she won’t have to actually bare her heart?

She turns off her phone.

                                   ******************************************

                                                    He knows he shouldn’t be, that this definitely qualifies as eavesdropping, but here Jughead is, glancing up and over to the table where Betty is sneakily carrying on a conversation with Veronica.

It’s 7th period Honors Bio and all they need to do is finish a worksheet before the bell rings, which is easy enough, but Mr. Beeker had also stipulated silence in the classroom, so it’s a clever loophole that Betty has found. Abby, her interpreter, is absorbed in her phone, leaving Jughead to covertly watch shifting hand shapes and fingerspelled letters.

<You’re not as s-t-e-a-l-t-h-y as you think you are,> Veronica signs smugly.

<??>

<Your phone. At lunch. You d-l LoveAlarm.> Smugness melts into concern. <Well?>

This is news to Jughead, and unwelcome news at that. He shouldn’t be surprised that Betty has downloaded that stupid app and really, he should’ve seen it coming. Dread fills him as he awaits her response.

Of course Jughead refuses to download LoveAlarm. Why would he give an app his heart data? They’d only sell it to soulless companies looking to target him with ads tailored to the object of his romantic yearning.

Betty.

The facts are these: Jughead Jones is 17 years, 3 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes old. He’s also been aware that he’s deeply, irrevocably in love with Betty Cooper for 1 year, 4 months, and 19 days. An eternity, basically.

 A rare beam of sunlight has broken through the February gray outside, casting a pale glow on her downturned face, the long eyelashes that brush her cheeks. It’s the flare of her nostrils and the tight press of her lips together that tell him she’s upset. 

There’s a sharp pang in his chest.

<He doesn’t.> The words, accompanied by a shake of Betty’s head that makes her ponytail bounce, are all he needs to understand. 

Jughead isn’t obtuse, he knows which ‘he’ they’re talking about, the only one ‘he’ it could be: Archie. Blame Kevin, he’s shit at subtlety. 

So, Betty had downloaded LoveAlarm and now she knows Archie isn’t in love with her. The latter isn’t news to him but he would’ve been fine if Betty had continued to go through life not knowing that particular fact. But it’s the sentence that comes next that breaks his heart.

<I have a zero. Nobody loves me.> What goes unspoken but, to Jughead, is writ large upon her face is: ‘I’m not lovable’.

He looks away from their conversation, angry that anyone would make her feel like this. Ashamed that he is a guilty party in this.

That night while lying on his bed, Jughead finds himself torn.

What he had seen earlier has given him food for thought. Which is just as well because he likes to take the time to think broadly and deeply, much in the same way he likes to eat. Next to him on the bed, his phone is open to the App Store, and LoveAlarm waits there patiently, ready for his decision.

Is Betty Cooper worth it? Unquestionably Yes.

Is he willing to risk discovery? Having his heart spilled right out there for her to see...even worse, for others to see? Vulnerable and already bruised, where it’d easily be crushed into messy smithereens?

Unable to answer that, his brain circles back around to the first question: is Betty Cooper worth it?

With a low, drawn-out groan, Jughead hits [Install] and gives corporations access to his heart.

#bughead #avarosier writes #riverdaleevents

[besidemethewholedamntime]

I was tagged by the lovely beans that are @2minutes2midnight and @beth-is-rainpaint - thank you so much!!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

Just plain black unfortunately :(

2. Name a food you never eat

Fish and mince 

3. Are you typical too warm or too cold?

I’m always too warm! I definitely prefer the cold and I don’t like it when I’m all hot and uncomfortable 

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Getting ready for a full day of dissertation writing....yay

5. What’s your favorite candy bar?

Galaxy cookie crumble! Or Milky Bar because I am a Child

6. Have you ever been to professional sports event?

I’ve been to see the Scotland Rugby Team play a couple of times. We were meant to see them play New Zealand this year but, well, ya know

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

Probably ‘goodnight’ to my flatmate last night, which is weird because I do have a habit of talking to myself but I don’t remember doing it 

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Chocolate fudge brownie!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water!

10. Do you like your wallet?

It’s alright! It’s blue but it’s an awkward shape and hard to fit into certain bags

11. What is the last thing you ate?

The cereal I’m eating right now!

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I did!! I bought a purple jumper and some checked trousers 

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

I don’t remember the last proper thing I watched, but I watched the end of the football game last week that meant Scotland is finally going to the Euros!! (and I’m still not over it)

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Sweet and Salty

15. Who is the last person you send text message to?

The first year student I’m paired up with in our academic families. I just wanted to make sure she was alright because the last time we spoke she was so stressed

16. Ever been camping?

Yeah!! I did it for DofE and then in the cadets. I wish I could say I enjoyed it but there’s always just so many midges and I always get bitten

17. Do you take vitamins?

I try to take a daily multivitamin but I just always forget 

18. Do you regularly attend a place of workship?

No, not really. I go to church every year on Remembrance Sunday (well not this year) but that’s about it. Even though I live in a street that literally has a church at either end

19. Do you have a tan?

No, never! I get really bad prickly heat which means I then have to stay indoors until it disappears, and on the rare occasions I do venture out when it’s sunny enough I just get burnt 

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza?

Pizza! I love Chinese too but it’s always so expensive 

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw?

Sometimes, in restaurants or like from McDonald’s, but if it’s just me then no. Unless I’m at my gran’s because she always gives us straws even though I’m 20

22. What color socks you usually wear?

White socks because that’s what my mum always drilled into us!

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

Ahahaha no. I’m such a cautious driver and my driving instructor used to shout ‘SPEED IT UP, REBECCA, PLEASE’ when I would drive at like 25mph in a 30. I’m better now and I actually go at the speed limit but I never drive over it

24. What terrifies you?

Gosh the list is endless. Not being enough, not doing anything worthwhile with my life, losing my family, failing my degree, never getting a job... it’s a fun time to be me

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

My bed... I’m sitting on the floor :)

26. What chore do you hate the most?

Ironing ugh. (keeping this because it is a Mood)

27. What do you think when you hear Australian accent?

I know I shouldn’t but I do think of Neighbours or Home and Away, because my sister is obsessed with both of them and we watched them during lockdown together 

28. Whats your favorite soda?

Basic but Irn Bru

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit drive through?

I don’t know why but I really don’t like Drive Thru so I usually just go in. Though that means parking and I am the world’s worst parker

30. What’s your favorite number?

24 

31. Who’s the last person you talked to?

My flatmate 

32. Favorite meal?

It always depends but either my dad’s fajitas or my mum’s macaroni cheese 

33. Last song you listed to?

‘Midnight by Kodaline

34. Last book you read?

‘Rebecca’ by Daphne Du Maurier, which I know I finished weeks ago but uni has honestly taken over my life and I’m working from about 10am to 11pm at the minute and after I just never want to read another word

35. Favorite day of the week?

Tuesday but I do not know why

36. Can you say alphabet backwards?

If I concentrated then probably?

37. How do you like your coffee?

I don’t like coffee, sorry!

38. Favorite pair of shoes?

My yellow shoes!! I love them so much

39. Time you normally get up?

This is so bad but 8:30-9 lately. It used to be 7:30 when I was actually in class but now I’m only in lab on a Tuesday and it doesn’t start until 11:30

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunset?

Both!! But since I never see sunrise then probably sunset

41. How many blankets on your bed?

Just the one

42. Describe your kitchen plates.

White with a blue border

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment.

Um... it’s alright. We have a box of decorations in one corner, our new wii in another, our damp wall that our landlord won’t fix and our illegal hamster on the kitchen table but it’s really clean!!

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

Eh, not really. I only really drink if I’m going out. It has to be fruity though, because otherwise I just can’t drink it 

45. Do you play cards?

I play card games with my family but not really with everyone else

46. What color is your car?

Black (it’s not technically mine, but since I’m the only one who drives it I feel like it’s fine)

47. Can you change a tire?

No but I really want to learn!!

48. Your favorite state or province?

Umm... we don’t really have either here, but my favourite place here has to be the Highlands. I’d go there and never come back if it was allowed

49. Favorite job you’ve had?

I’ve only ever had two and the first one was McDonald’s which was an ~experience~ but I really like the job I’m in now! It was in tourism and hospitality though so I’m not sure if I’ll get to go back

Thank you so much for tagging me! I tag (only if you want to, of course!) @justanalto @ohfaiths @springmagpies @infinitestarsintheskye @daisylincs and anybody else who wants to have a shot <3

#facts about moi #tag game thingies #thank you so much you lovely beans!! #there are so many answers i feel the need to explain but I need to leave for the library so i can't #but if there are any questions you have just ask!