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japes-the-clown · 3 years

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THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE: AN INVERSION ON “COMING OF AGE” FILMS AND A CRITICISM OF ADULTHOOD

Hi hello hey it’s me Jericho Jay “Japes” Marshall out here with a pretentious love letter to the filmmaking on display in nickelodeons The Spongebob Movie. Yes, I know it’s a kids movie. Yes, I know it’s not that deep. But I’m majoring in english, and deeply depressed, so I need to get this OUT and onto a PAGE.

I have watched this film many times over my lifetime, a few when i was just a kid, then in my early teens, even when i turned eighteen, and now, a month before i turn 20. Every time, I grow a new appreciation for the nuances that this movie brings to the table, and on my most recent watch my own deliverance from childhood makes me relate to the core themes the hardest I ever have. The Spongebob Movie isn’t just a movie about childhood, but a movie about adulthood.

Today, I’m going to make clear exactly how The Spongebob Squarepants Movie criticizes our understanding of adulthood and how society treats the neurodivergent, while effectively turning the “Coming of Age” genre on its head, within its 87 minute runtime.

START: CONSISTENT CHARACTERIZATION

One thing a lot of films (ESPECIALLY kids films) fail to nail is consistently showing aspects of a character throughout the runtime, enough that changes to a character feel impactful and justified instead of rushed and stifled. The best examples of movies that fail to do this are often the marvel movies that people tend to not remember- the first two thor movies, the avengers age of ultron, etc. In these movies, characters certainly have traits, but their personalities and motives can be very weak and make dramatic changes feel A LOT less dramatic. This can be seen in age of ultron, when quicksilver gave his own life to save someone else, which felt like nothing because he wasn't well developed. He wasn't particularly endearing, nor did him sacrificing his life contradict a part of his character. It felt very much like the writers trying to say "Look, this character which was once opposing the avengers, is now dying for one. Please cry." No hate to the writers of Age of Ultron, but it proves itself often to be an unmemorable part of the catalogue.

In the Spongebob Movie, the characterization is ON. POINT. After the introduction, with the pirates rushing in to watch spongebob, we get so much information regarding spongebob as a character.

Pictured: Spongebob holding a piece of cheese like an operator

The first scene of the plot is a dream sequence a large crowded scene at the Krusty Krab, with a customer not receiving cheese on his patty, and it being positioned in the same way as a bomb being located. In the dream, everyone is panicked, and Mr. Krabs is visibly distressed, almost like a damsel. Spongebob comes in, announcing his position as manager, much to the relief of Krabs. He goes in, and puts cheese on the burger (again, very akin to a bomb defusal scene), bringing the perturbed customer out safe and sound. Everyone lifts spongebob up as a hero, which is interrupted by his boat alarm.

This scene is JAM PACKED with stuff that both introduces the character to new watchers and introduces the crux of his arc to everyone else. Spongebob of course is very fond of the Krusty Krab, and wants to be the manager- he wants people to see him as cool, and as a responsible adult. He wants to be the sort of person that can be trusted with big responsibilities. And we also see, most importantly, that he is extremely childish through his faximile of what it meant to be adult. Everything is scaled up; it's a very silly situation, which well suits both the joke and his character as an inexperienced kid. This is one of the most direct ways to convey someone's character, because a dream can be interpreted as a direct port into a character's desires. This being the first introduction to the character in the movie sets the tone for EVERY following situation.

In the next few scenes you see Spongebob's real life, which involves his lengthy morning routine; his life is sort of whimsical, and so too is his routine. He showers by shoving a hose into himself till he bursts with water, he uses toothpaste to clean his eyes but not his teeth, and he puts on pants which he must fold to make. Again, all pretty solid jokes, but also very telling about his outlook. He is funny, weird, and childish, which is juxtaposed by the scene where he's- he's uh- showering with squidward. Squidward is an example of the "adult" that spongebob isn't. This has always been the case, but here his normal routine makes it very clear that other people in this world aren't like spongebob. They shower normally, they brush their teeth, they put their clothes on like normal. Spongebob's world is one of wonder and without responsibility, which makes it questionable as to whether he could handle one.

Pictured: Spongebob's room, adorned with childhood imagery

Pictured: Spongebob celebrating his position as a manager, despite Krabs saying that it was squidward who got it

Even his room in this scene screams "kid". He has toys strewn about, glow in the dark stars, and pictures of superheroes on the wall. He even says "Sorry about this calendar" as he rips a page, personifying inanimate objects as a kid would. The movie is telling you, "THIS CHARACTER IS A KID", but in a way that's masked because it's also just a set up for jokes. It's done so well, in my opinion, that it would go over your head because from your perspective you would be laughing along as spongebob did his wacky antics.

On top of that, his excitement for his assured managerial position at the Krusty Krab 2 continues to be bolstered. He marked it off with a cute drawing on his calendar, for those familiar he changes his normal "I'm ready" chant to "I'm ready- promotion-", and he's even already set up a party to celebrate at his favorite chain, Goofy Goobers, a child's entertainment restaurant similar to chucky cheese, albeit replacing pizza for ice cream. He hasn't just gotten excited, but has this childish anticipation for something which isn't even assured.

Spongebob arrives at the opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where he is so excited he can't contain his glee. He breaks the silence and makes members of the crowd uncomfortable, reinforcing again that spongebob is a standout in a world of adults, and a kid who doesn't understand certain social norms, which society looks down upon. When Krabs reveals that Squidward got the managerial position, Spongebob hyped himself so much that he starts celebrating, not even noticing that he wasn't picked. He gets on stage, and begins to give a speech, to which Krabs interrupts.

The next part I think best illustrates Spongebob's clear ignorance to society: Krabs attempts to subtly tell spongebob that he isn't getting the job, but spongebob repeats everything he says into the microphone. Again, fantastic joke, grade A, but the amount this shows how invested spongebob was. He already saw himself as an adult, someone who everyone would look up to as a manager- he could take the responsibility, and isn't aware of everyone likely cringing in the audience. This is the natural step for him in his mind, especially because of his exemplary work which had been previously celebrated through employee of the month awards. This was not an option for him. There wasn't a world in his mind where he would be outclassed by squidward.

Krabs has to break to him that he lacks responsibility, and that his childishness makes it difficult for Krabs to give him such a job. This might seem harsh, but I think the intro again shows how Spongebob saw the job; he didn't understand what it would be like, fantasizing another level in the menial work structure to be an amazing adventure of a job. People in the crowd reaffirm that in the eyes of society, spongebob is just a kid, a goofball. In my eyes, this is a story not just of childhood, but of neurodivergence. Spongebob isn't normal, and is blocked by society for his ignorance of social norms and sunny disposition. He finds things fun that other people can not, and he places values in completely different things. So he is blocked from the meaningful recognition he desired, despite the obvious evidence of his commitment.

I think this is a mighty interesting dichotomy!!! Simultaneously, spongebob's understanding of the world truly is warped, often resulting in a lack of consideration for others as well as harm for himself when things don't go his way, AND he is a good worker which puts in MANY hours of work without so much of a complaint. This is COMPLEX. You have to ask yourself, as a viewer, "would I give spongebob the job?" The answer can be different and can be REASONED.

And that's JUST spongebob! There are other characters with characterization that mixes into the themes of the movie very well, but I'm going to bring up any related points in future sections.

Okay, Okay. So now you're saying "WOW OKAY GREAT so why does any of this matter?" I'm so glad you asked. VERY glad.

2: THE BREAKING OF A YOUNG MAN'S SPIRIT

THIS is the point of the movie. The obstacle in this movie truly isn't adulthood, but instead self doubt. Spongebob's whole world is turned upside down by Krab's rejection of his basic personality. Spongebob asks himself: is it REALLY okay to be who I am? Am I an adult? Is the world fair? One of the most shocking scenes in the movie is blended so well in tone with the rest that you don't really notice; spongebob eating ice cream to cope with his disappointment, akin to that of adults drinking alcohol, and appearing to be visually "drunk" and washed up. This is BRILLIANT, and a recurring theme, where the true line between adult and childhood becomes blurry and impossible to see. Spongebob, the representation of a kid, gets hungover, spiteful, and angry about the injustice of his situation. This is often how adults act in the fact of adversity, but what's funny is that this too is how a kid would act; getting angry and overindulging, feeling entitled and acting socially immature when he didn't get what he wanted. He walks in to the Krusty Krab literally just to shit talk Krabs. And it doesn't stop there.

Pictured: Plankton finding "Plan Z" and looking at it like a centerfold in a playboy magazine

Almost every character in this movie juxtaposes another, again smearing the line of what it means to be an adult. For example, Spongebob and Plankton are polar opposites; plankton is cold and vengeful, angry at the world around him, and spongebob is a happy person who tends not to take things personally, a friend to all. In planktons first appearances in the movie, he is portrayed with clear adult themes, mocking spongebob, making pinup jokes about plan z, and living in a fairly dark and grey space. But, as the story moves along, we see many similarities; both spongebob and plankton are fairly one track minded, and when spongebob's perception is broken he himself gets a little vengeful. When eugene is put in danger over this, though, we do see that he places the lives of others over his own wants. And, even at the end of the movie, we see their similarities. Plankton reuses the "Sorry Calendar" joke that spongebob used at the start of the movie, drawing another line of what it means to be an adult. Is it childish of plankton to say that? Is the inherent irony he has impactful here? His want for something that isn't his, and his disregard for others in pursuing it feels just like how a younger child may steal the toy of another, without understanding what it means to share.

Pictured: Neptune flipping his shit at his lost crown

Then, there's the character of Neptune. Neptune is a big man baby. He rules the entire land, commands the most respect, and is considered the most powerful person under the sea, and yet, we see that he gets overprotective of his property, prepared to execute anyone who even annoys him. Throughout the film, he's obsessed with chasing an image of youth, as he is bald, and ignores the suffering of the people on bikini bottom to make sure no one sees his bald head. He throws what's equivalent to a tantrum when he finds his crown is missing, and believes a very crude note written by plankton saying that it was eugene who stole it. His character is an "acceptable" child because he's in a position of power, where spongebob is an "unacceptable" child as he is just a working class member of society. And the funniest part is, that he mocks spongebob for wanting to go for the crown, when even he, the strongest person in bikini bottom, refuses to go out of fear.

We see that these "bastions" of adulthood, plankton and neptune, are the ones who are responsible for missteps of society; we're ALL children in the long run, but the strict enforcement of a perceived true adulthood creates a space where they can act immaturely yet those under them/around them cannot. Dennis makes this case even more, as the only thing he does in this movie is hurt others. There's only one thing that seems to truly denote adulthood, and it's cruelty.

Even squidward, the adult that is supposed to be more responsible that spongebob, refuses to go on the quest to retrieve the crown, as he acts mostly in self interest, even later claiming to only care that plankton was stealing the secret formula as it was hurting his own paycheck.

Spongebob is the only one willing to go, willing to defend the man who wronged him, willing to value life over his own interests. He is both child and adult, just as the adults are too children.

As he moves through the plot of this film, he becomes less confident in his disposition, with his naivete causing moments like him and patrick crossing the state line and immediately getting carjacked, or them being put into an uncomfortable situation by all the bubbles they blew when they tried to get their car back. His bright personality is questioned constantly: Only five days to shell city? BY CAR. This is man's country. But weren't we the double bubble blowing babies?

Pictured: Spongebob caught trying to take back the key to the patty wagon when patrick fails to distract everyone

This is made more obvious to him as patrick remains oblivious throughout; patrick is a mirror for him, that acts as a childhood constant, that makes it clearer for him every day the draws of his childishness. There's the moment in the club where patrick's distraction was poorly thought out, and only because he said he wanted to do it adamantly, there's the moment where patrick challenged neptune on how many days they would have to do it, which served no purpose but for his own fun, there's the moment patrick points out the free ice cream trap- he is the unemployed uncritical lens that spongebob is afraid he is.

So everything's fucked, and anyone who is childish is bad i guess!!!

But that isn't so,

3: The illusion of manhood

So we've talked about spongebob's characterization as a naive child, how this is impactful in his transformation into someone who is anxious about that aspect of his personality, and how the society around him is hypocritical in it's own immaturity. But where does this all come together?

Pictured: Planktons dystopian world, which Mindy shows Spongebob and Patrick

It's at spongebob and patricks "conversion to manhood". At his lowest point, spongebob becomes a squidward- he becomes critical of his AND patricks interests, and regards them as childish, deciding that this means that they can't make it to shell city, as it requires them to be adults. When mindy shows them the dire situation back home, she hopes that spongebob's sunny personality and care for others would shine through, but instead he turns to what society has been telling him; it's impossible. He can't do it, he's just a little kid, and there is no point to any of this as he'll fail regardless.

Thinking about it like this, it truly is one of the darkest points in the entire series; spongebob just openly admitted that there was nothing he could do, that all of his friends were goners because he was effectively useless.

Mindy comes up with an idea; she'll trick spongebob and patrick into believing they're men; she convinces them of mermaid magic (their innocence allowing them to believe) and uses kelp to make them think they've matured into adults. Notice that physical modifiers being the only key to this "fake adulthood". With this, they jump off a cliff because they believe that with adulthood, they are invincible.

This is really telling about how the society they're in thinks of being an adult, and relays that to children. There's another level, a distinct separation between spongebob and adulthood, which seemed like the difference between a squire and a knight- being an adult means that you aren't weak anymore (as though he was weak in the first place), and thus you can do things you never thought before. Is it truly healthy that this is how a society tells kids that adulthood is like, for them to enter the world and feel a truly awful financial and literal hellscape waiting for them? uh, you can, you can decide that for yourself i think.

Nonetheless, they survive the fall, and conclude that they really are invincible, able to power through a ravine with their happy go lucky attitude, eventually befriending the monsters which were once trying to kill them. They weren't acting like adults, but the labels themselves made it possible for them to soldier on with the childlike disposition they had. I find that to be powerful. If we were able to be more hopeful as adults, and power through the worst things brightly, could we do great things? Idk but these depression meds sure do taste good nom nom

After crossing the ravine, spongebob and patrick meet dennis, and have their worldview crushed as it's revealed that they are actually still kids. Dennis being the "alpha male" that he is, is characterized by violence and a lack of morality. The pair are saved by a giant boot, which is the first of two humans in this movie. Spongebob and patrick are both taken by the man in the diver suit, as we fade to black, marking the end of their illusion of adulthood.

4: Back from the Edge (of death)

Spongebob and Patrick awaken in an antique shop, realizing that they were surrounded by fish that had been killed specifically for sale as tacky antiques. They are lifted out of their fishbowl, and put under a heatlamp, as their fate is sealed to become a member among those dead fish. In spongebob's final moments, he mourns his inability to be an adult, as well as to reach shell city; but before they both die, patrick points out that they truly did reach shell city, as the crown was within their reach.

This. This is a phenomenal scene. Why? Because of what it means for spongebob's arc.

Pictured: Spongebob and Patrick on their deathbeds, finding happiness

He sees the crown, and realizes that, unequivocally, that even if he didn't bring the crown back, he made it to shell city. Every person he met told him that he couldn't even do that. and he did it. He is a kid, yes, but he's a kid who went where not even NEPTUNE dared go. Everything people said about him, about how him being a kid stopped him from success, was suddenly shattered. He has been asking himself if it's okay that he is a kid, and he saw, unambiguously, that it is. He is allowed to be happy. He can enjoy things that other people don't. He can be naive. He can be himself, no matter what anyone says. And so can you. Great things can be done by people who are "childish", who are "naive", who are kind without expecting a return, all of it. YOU are okay. Your stims are okay, your comfort series are okay, your interest in tropes are okay, YOU'RE OKAY!!!!

with that, spongebob and patrick are dehydrated on the table, and ostensibly die, the kids that they are, shedding one final tear each, forming a heart beneath them.

...

Miraculously, the tear electrocutes that lamp at it's socket, causing smoke to rise and set off the sprinklers, rehydrating the pair, and bringing them back to life. The "Man in the Suit" attempts to capture them, seeing them about to lift Neptune's crown, but the rest of the dehydrated fish come back to life- squirting him with his own glue and beating him to the ground, as spongebob and patrick run out with the crown. David Hasselhoff offers them a ride back to Bikini Bottom, and the pair begin their ride back.

5: The confrontation of Adulthood and Childhood

Pictured: Dennis looking all lame and shit

As spongebob and patrick are being swam back to bikini bottom, the boot under which dennis was crushed rockets to Hasselhoff, spitting him back out to finish the job. The appearance of Dennis, IN MY OPINION, makes him look rather goofy, with his broken glasses making him look more like a office worker than a badass assassin as he attempts to kill spongebob and patrick. Spongebob, in trying to reason with him, is able to ruin his eyes with bubbles, and then survives as dennis gets hit by a raised platform which spongebob and patrick are too low to be hit by.

Having defeated one representation of adulthood, spongebob and patrick are shot down by HasselHoffs MASSIVE MAN TITS with the crown in order to prevent Krab's fate, blocking Neptune's lazer just in time as they crash in.

All seems to be well, but plankton uses one of his mind control helmets (which we'll be getting into later) to enslave even Neptune, putting mindy, spongebob, patrick, and Krabs against the wall.

In another stark moment of characterization, Spongebob tells patrick that "Plankton Cheated", which prompts plankton to tell spongebob that the situation wasn't a kiddy game, and that it was the real world. This sort of distinctions in their ethos tell you how spongebob interacts with justice; he believes in "playing fair", while plankton is bitter and believes in getting what he wants.

Finally, the apex to our plot, is a musical number. Spongebob begins to make a long-winded speech, where he takes ownership of every label he was called as he stood on the stage at the beginning, the similarity between the two events being clear (holding a microphone at an inappropriate time, making a speech as he blocks out input from an adult trying to talk him down). Spongebob then busts out into the film's rendition of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock", "I'm a Goofy Goober". This results in spongebob reversing plankton's whole plot with "the power of rock and roll". Plankton is made powerless, and thrown into a little padded cell.

The final scene in the movie has Mr. Krabs freed from his imprisonment in ice, and spongebob is offered squidwards position as manager of the second Krusty Krab. He seems hesitant, and squidward offers an insightful analysis of what spongebob might be feeling (the typical analysis of a coming of age movie, where the protagonist finds out that what they wanted all along is not what they wanted, but it was what was inside all along). Spongebob refutes that squidwards fly was just down, and GLADLY accepts the job.

AND THAT'S THE MOVIE

6: AN INVERSION ON THE COMING OF AGE GENRE

A coming of age story tends to be one which is focus on the growth of a character from childhood to adulthood, asking questions about what it means to be an adult. A character reaches for their perceived adulthood, and realizes what it means to ACTUALLY be an adult, typically juxtaposing what people think (drugs, parties, sex) versus what the movie postures as the correct adulthood (responsibility). In this, I think that the spongebob movie directly criticizes the position of what "an adult" is, in the sense of how someone acts.

Like we discussed in part 2, every adult character in this movie tends to be very childish in themselves, unable to see through simple ruses, and often very possessive of personal property. I don't think we actually see a child in this movie as a speaker at any point, only really as background characters (in goofy goobers to solidify spongebob as childish, and I believe in the chum bucket as they're lead to an unsafe place by their parents, who are supposed to be responsible). Thus, what is mostly examined is how adulthood and childhood is a very thin line. Squidward, for example, going directly to plankton to accuse him of stealing the formula, instead of taking it to the top immediately, which would have ended this whole thing fairly quickly; that was rather silly, and was the fruit of his need to assert himself as an adult.

Spongebob goes through this movie FIRST not caring much about whether or not he was an adult, and it is only after the social pressure from adults does he start to chase it. He then chases his perceived image of an adult, going on an adventure, and is crushed by the fact that he isn't an adult. Instead of finding what an adult is, he instead becomes comfortable with his existence as a child, finding himself at the end of the movie able to comfortably chase after an ideal again, where in a normal movie he would humbly reject the job he was offered.

This is, truly, what we should all take from this film. Spongebob realizes that people who aren't necessarily socially adjusted or acceptable can do great things, regardless of what the people around them say, especially because the people around them are liable to throw tantrums and be actively harmful to society. He is allowed to find comfort in childish things, and to be naive, because the world needs more people willing to help others. It's a scathing criticism on the imposed adulthood that exists in a lot of coming of age films, which begs us to drop fun in the interest of doing the right thing, as though those two ideas are contradictory.

BONUS: EXTRA STUFF THAT I LIKED

The goofy goober song became really good storytelling, at first marking childishness, then marking a level of discomfort and judgement in the club, then marking spongebob recognizing that his happiness came from what he liked and not some vague idea of adulthood, and finally marking his full acceptance of his childishness, taking the form of rock, the music of rebellion. It's not as subtle as leitmotifs, but it works really well in how the same song can give very different feelings throughout, and inform how we interact with a story.

There are a lot more examples of adults being pressured into childishness, with the connected twins who liked goofy goober at the club, who were beaten senseless for absolutely no reason, which highlights the way that the society hurts people that, by all means, are just as much adults as anyone else. There's of course Plankton's helmets which created a society of people who simply slaved away with nothing to say, taking life as it came and listening to authority.

On top of that, this movie is PRETTY ANTICAPITALIST AND ANTIMONARCHY, despite those things being allowed to continue to exist at the end- monarchy is seen misusing power constantly and often for unfounded reasons, and Spongebob's diligence at work is rejected by a penny pinching Krabs, who cares only about money. Like, THE KRUSTY KRABS ARE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER? THAT IS SOME MONTY PYTHON ASS SHIT. This year is the first year i laughed at that joke, because it's really some "capitalists are fucking dumb as shit" humor that slipped over my head when i was a kid. The villain literally being defeated by Rock and Roll, which was sung with a message against the oppression of differences in people? Yeah, I think the spongebob movie hated rich mother fuckers.

END: UH YEAH THAT'S WHAT IT IS

So yeah. The movie is good I think. There's a lot more i could go into, but I've been writing this post for hours and at this point i haven't even read it so...

I recommend going back and giving this film a rewatch!!! Pay attention to all the moments where adults act like children/kids act like adults, because it'll make ur brain pop like a zit. Anyways that's me, I'm Jericho Jay "Japes" Marshall, and I HATE facism.

#spongebob #spongebon squarepants #analysis #film #good movie #marvel #avengers age of ultron #funny

27 notes · View notes

nochiquinn · 2 years

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campaign 3 episode 17:

I am so tired, my kid's on half days this week and I'm not getting my usual nap because of it, I am a Disaster and if I fall asleep halfway through the episode no one is allowed to judge me

samuel

"in theatres! crazy things to say right now that don't make sense!" because there iS A PANDEMIC

wait I was muted was there vince mcmahon salt

it's so fuckin CUTE

"that is not child safe" "still going on my dog"

HEY IF YOU LIKE LAURA BAILEY SINGING YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT STRAY GODS BY SUMMERFALL GAMES

say Ariks Eshteross' Airship five times fast

oh no nightmare lights

"I bet it looks cool in the theaters"

put gem in mouth

"you should never have to run into the storm alone"

"what time is it" it's 3:01 am

"whichever way they bend"

I love the idea that orym sleeps like a cat

imogen gets halfway down the stairs and starts going into withdrawal

>waifish >dwarf

saM

marisha's dice redemption arc

"don't fuck with me matt mercer"

sldkfhs travis

I just need all of them to give up and share one room at all times

"I've been up for a little while just lookin atcha"

ashton and fcg <3

travis just hiding his face

"is he dead?!" "no, I just heard him screaming"

[smacks fcg with a newspaper every time he offers someone therapy unsolicited]

(I was gonna say spray with a water bottle but that might end badly)

"not GRAB it bc it will fall off"

"you can borrow my ears any time"

I love their little identify lens

🎶who can say if I've been changed for the better🎶

I KNEW IT addictive rock

put it in a cart with a bunch of bananas, that's how you test if it's evil

quietly references every other campaign

fearne you specifically know what swapping around a potentially evil object does

"I'm alive" "press x"

I would like to touch the crystal now matt

love the dichotomy between the players 👀 and the characters 🤷‍♀️

traVIS

"fuckin imogen"

chetney: fuckin imogen laudna: yes

(I don't go here I just can't pass up a setup like that)

"can you grow flowers whenever you want?" "🌷"

ashton

I don't like it

"I immediately start tracking fearne" dad friend orym

ashton either has so many regrets or is having the time of their life, it's impossible to tell

evon calling

did imogen's accent just get 400x stronger or is it just me

fcg: competish ashton: 😒

jiana hexum 🤝 veruca salt I want one now

fcg your self-sacrifice has to have an upper limit

chetney

oh. oh fuck.

ashley's face when the penny dropped

"should you bring a buddy? ....or a minder?"

"I know horses. I've eaten a few." well now we know how this campaign's horses are gonna die

not the shania twain

they did it, they broke eshteross

fearne he is eating

sam literally just telling the audience to fuck off for ten minutes

marisha trying to take sam out

persuade grandpa out of his biscottis

"why limit yourself to the player characters?"

someone do a religion check so I can get a bingo

ashton: we will stop percieving me immediately

orym using the hammer as a stepstool

samuel

is it like cabal's ruin where they're gonna build up charges and then unleash them all at once

oh no

that one scene from falcon and the winter soldier

someone mention marwa so I can get a bingo

"don't touch my stuff for three weeks"

I'm enjoying Silly Orym

mala: travis in any shopping scene with his wife: how can I be a Problem

laura starts playing star stables

roll for horse girl

bloodstorm

chetney: blood magic me: [whispers] maleficar

I love him

I put on my blood robe and blood wizard hat

TRAVIS

matt just scooting away

GET HIS ASS

mala: the dc for this is 1

"get your third character ready"

OH RIGHT there are people who suffered that in a group

aw man I apparently missed a cute video

LIGHTS

PLANTS

"I just got a little bit teary-eyed in my face"

aww imogen gets Quiet

"I got instantly itchy thinking about it" "yaaaaay that's called immersion"

"you've never ridden a horse?" "my sister in christ I basically am a horse"

orym straps himself to the back of one horse like a pelt in red dead

horse aesthetics. horsethetics.

this is becoming some oregon trail logistics

"natural 20! that means we fight a dragon."

"that is not a horse OR fearne"

the roast of sam reigel

"that's not a script it's just ad copy" "the script's on the monitors"

"oh for FUCK'S - "

Silly Orym has backfired

a RABBIT CALL

commit to the bit

do the watership down dying rabbit scream

orym you can't throw greens at it like a chocobo

orym's gonna get eaten by a t-rex

I lucid dream bc my brain gets mad when my dreams are poorly-written

ORYM

you're gonna get your fingers bit off

liam sees a gem and insists on stealing it from wherever it was

orym: I got you a rock

soul gem vs black soul gem

it's an opal, they will be hearing from my lawyers

sir floppers, rabbit, loonch, escargot, heart, and one-way

"he's foreign, don't worry about it

taliesin knows

"I don't like to get attached to things that are clearly going to die. like all of you."

"we only have five horses, how did we get six names!"

"if you take rabbit from me I'll kill you"

"your beau dice were talking shit about you yesterday" samuel

nooo I'm fading, I've been doing so well

they both get eaten

and them liam derails the whole game to talk to ashton for an hour

(this is not a complaint)

fcg goes to sleep and the fantasy kudzu overtakes him in the night

Birdie and Oleander

"sounds like a musical"

matt: you can attach it to a small item sam: I'M a small item!

sam doesn't watch the product

you can't touch the two silver millenium crystals to each other it'll blow up the planet

BUTTERFLIES

"everyone turns into sheep" when we first started the polycule my partner's wife insisted on calling it "polymorphism" which is in fact a WoW spell that turns you into a sheep

"you, fearne. you're special" cries

the way orym looks at fearne. just all the quiet, steady affection in the world.

the kind of person who says "you're special" and means it right down to his bones.

rolls to find fey gate, finds a dragon

midday loonch

bits of....edibles

ashton and fearne just spend the entire night trying to steal shit from each other

see I was joking but I knew it would probably happen

"you can always just ask. what do you want." "I want to not ask."

ashley 100% have left that last word off but she was never gonna

"this isn't how I started" excuse

oh ashton

is this how rock genasi work??

"I might try to steal it" "I would be very entertained"

RAIN

BACKSTORY

I've been avoiding earbuds but my roommate is awake for once and her keyboard is so LOUD and I wanna hear this

HANGING TREE THEORY CONFIRM??

everybody at the table

laura: I wanna throw something at her

marisha's so proud of herself

"you're the happiest person in this bunch" "of course. the worst thing that's ever happened to me has already happened."

taliesin's eyes are about to pop out of his head

like he's VALID

sam's face

her whole everything about her right now. face. posture. voice. god I love marisha ray so much.

"they cut my ears to make them pointy" MARISHA

my automatic assumption is keyleth body bc it's marisha but dark hair means possibly vex

also being keyleth might be a little on the nose

3 am is my new favorite euphemism

taliesin just mouthed "we'll talk later motherfucker" at marisha

ohh the golden sunrise light before the green kicked on

I love everything about this set

(how excited do you think matt is to get to use all these new buttons)

MISTY JUNGLE RAIN

somewhere mica burton is threatening travis and taliesin's lives

travis that's how you break one of their stupid weaksauce finger legs

blue flower???

DORIAN

LIGHTNING FLOWER

CHROMATIC ROSE????

that's the COOLEST FUCKING NAME

what in the kurama

orym that's gay

ashley and laura missed campsite rolling bc ashley was putting a flower behind laura's ear

[whaps fcg with a newspaper]

ffs they're not even sitting next to each other anymore

ROLL FOR FREAKY FRIDAY

what if they get the permanent mind link that yasha thought she had with veth

did we unlock fcg's ptsd babygate??

oh the music

oh no mutual psychic damage

what in the return to witch mountain

nobody in this party knows how to take watch

"this is fine"

neither of them can see over a particularly large rock, is this wise

dragon

or gnolls?

(regular gnoll, regular gnoll)

the return of dbp

orym: I will pry everyone's backstory out of them with a crowbar

(I say "orym" like that's not just liam at all times)

"what's the moon for"

HUSBAND

"o....ohhh."

liam: I will pry MY OWN backstory out of me with a crowbar

time is soup

"you're so young" "so was he" oh that hurt

who had Orym's Husband Died In The Air Ashari Attack

(literally everyone)

chetney is all of us

hand of the tempest

"gray-black leather clad" somebody go scrub through all of campaign 2 and tell me what krynn assassins wear

"you're a rare one; I actually believe you"

fearne knows!

dorian knows!!!

do the rest of the crownkeepers know??

I have to imagine they do

BIG MOON LITTLE MOON

I'm gonna DIE

"it's just raining"

(something something ruidius something cursed life)

eMOtional DAmage

in the dark of the niiiiight

willothwisp

taliesin

fable pixie laugh noises

"can you scare it off" "it's from the feywild, it might not be scared of me!" ".....maybe it'll think you're hot"

hey, listen!

dear fairies we are sleeping

ashton no

give it a shiny

it's definitely going to eat them

"don't OFFER"

"this is not an eatable face"

"why am I sounding old"

"fearne'll get weird" GET weird?

it's gonna fly at laudna's face and that's where matt's gonna call it

you just called it a slur in morse code

twitch I'll fight you

ashton playing with pate

DETECT THOUGHTS THE FAIRY that can only go well

"you're making a fairy house? like my daughter?"

"I made it a fairy tent out of sleeves"

"same grill"

"it's gonna crawl into your nostril" goa'uld fairy

liam what in shit was that laugh

fearne: fucking flying rats

"the pizza rats of the feywild"

FAIRY CRY

WILLOTHWISP

willotheanglerfish

"it was a BUTTON I was gonna PRESS IT"

"I hadn't pushed a button all day"

"I would wander into a dark forest for a flying gummy bear"

I am the last person to realize campaign 3 episode 17 was on 3/17

#critical role #spoilers #crititag #liveblog #reaction post

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ranma-rewatch · 3 years

Text

Episode 23: Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan

*yawn* Wow, I finally got some good sleep. Back to the Ranma Rewatch, then. Hey there, long time no see, going to try and get back on track. This week we’re still in the middle of the season 2’s opening story arc, and another main character shall be introduced to us. Will I like him better than I did ten years ago? Only way to find out is to look at the next paragraph, from when I’ve watched the episode.

This episode raised my hopes and then gently lowered them a little, but on the whole I’m happier than I thought I would have been.

The story starts with Akane taking Ranma to see Dr. Tofu, under the assumption that as someone with lots of experience with Chinese medicine, he’d be able to fix what Cologne did to Ranma. Sadly, the technique used is something only a master could do, far outside of his wheelhouse. However, there is one thing he could do.

To counteract the Full Body Cat Tongue, Tofu hits a different pressure point in Ranma, one named after old men from Tokyo. Why? Because apparently they’re well known for being able to stand even the most scalding heat in their baths, and this technique gives the user that same ability. Sure enough, it let’s Ranma return to his uncursed state, but there’s a catch. Kasumi calls, turning Dr. Tofu into a bumbler before he can give the warning, so Ranma and Akane just head to school.

After class, Akane harangues Ranma into taking her out for food, which their classmates immediately notice has a lot of romantic energy to it. Then Shampoo and Cologne appear, amazed that Ranma somehow found a way around the elderly amazon’s strategy, but Cologne seems sure anyway that this won’t be an issue.

But wait! Out of nowhere, someone new appears. His name is Mousse, and he’s a man from the amazon village who has been in love with Shampoo since they were kids. He has terrible eyesight, so bad that he frequently mistakes people for the love of his life, and after a series of confusions he learns that Shampoo is dead set on marrying Ranma.

Mousse attacks Ranma, and challenges him to a manly duel for Shampoo. But she refuses that, so instead makes the duel over Akane for seemingly no reason, which Ranma agrees to. Oh, and he’s known for using ‘dark magic’ which is in practice more sleight of hand and weapon-based techniques.

That evening, Akane is doing what she frequently does when pissed off, namely training in the dojo. Ranma shows up, clearly aware he really stepped in it and wanting to make amends by making it clear there’s no way he’s going to lose to Mousse.

But Akane makes it clear that isn’t why she’s mad. The reason she’s upset is that she doesn’t belong to Ranma, and she won’t belong to Mousse. She’s her own person, and this duel doesn’t respect that. Hell, if he loses that’s fine with her, she’ll just beat up Mousse herself. The entire family shows up, interpreting this as kind of a romantic confession to Ranma.

The next morning, it Dr. Tofu calls and gives the warning he’d meant to tell them earlier: the technique he used is a one-use, so if Ranma gets splashed, he’s stuck again. Akane only finds this out after Ranma takes a dip in the pond while sparring with his dad, and they all freak out over what he’s going to do. Why none of them think to just tell Mousse that Ranma has a Jusenkyo curse, I have no clue.

Someone, Cologne probably, turned the match into a huge spectacle, with food carts and seating around the arena and everything, there’s a huge crowd. Ranma’s late, but that’s only because he made a disguise to hide his cursed body. He clowns around a little at first, having prepared a bunch of lame magic tricks, but then ‘does a trick’ by ‘turning into a girl’, giving him an excuse for how he looks.

Mousse buys it, but he’s angry that Ranma’s not taking it seriously. He takes of his...robe? Tunic? Whatever, either way he’s buff as hell under there, and an attack from his barbed footwear ruins the front of Ranma’s stage assistant outfit, bearing his boobies to everyone. This causes a bunch of men in the audience to storm the fighting area so they can sexually assault Ranma and then I paused Hulu and stared at my computer screen for three full minutes before continuing the episode.

*sigh* Anyway, the Kuno siblings show up, interfere with the fight, Mousse gets deadly series, then Akane reminds Ranma he can use his new technique in battle, which he does to win. Then a bunch of his admirers crowd Ranma, and Akane is annoyed. Done.

Let me get into the stuff I found really interesting with this episode, to start with.

The first half was honestly just really enjoyable. Akane and Ranma had a really good chemistry going on, it reminded me a lot of the episode where Shampoo first showed up. There was a casual closeness to them, still tempered with occasional arguments, that was just cute.

I also liked that they thought to try asking Dr. Tofu for help, since his expertise has helped so often in the past. Making it clear this was a problem he could only barely help out with, and only one time, sold how Cologne and what she’s done to Ranma isn’t something that’s going to be solved easily.

What was a bit odd in that scene was we actually got to see the curse take effect, as Ranma’s torso changed, something I’m fairly sure we’ve never gotten that much detail on. It’s usually either off-screen or a cutaway. But I like we saw it with the curse turning him back to his uncursed form, since it emphasized this was Ranma regaining the body that felt right to him.

I’ve talked about this before, but I also couldn’t help noticing throughout this episode the weird dichotomy in who uses Ranma’s preferred pronouns and who doesn’t. Akane, Shampoo, and Cologne all call Ranma ‘he’ even when he’s in a feminine form, but Akane’s siblings call him ‘she’ instead.

The dojo scene was also a treat for me. I just kind of love how it put the focus on how this whole arrangement devalues Akane. Both the engagement from their parents and the terms of this duel take away her say in what she does with her life, and she isn’t having it. It almost sounded like she was comforting Ranma, taking a burden off his shoulders, when she told him he didn’t have to stress over the fight because she’d be fine either way. I am here for Akane stressing her independence and making it clear that no matter what happens in the fight, she is her own person.

That was a lot of nice stuff, but sadly the second half of the episode didn’t really carry it through. It wasn’t terrible, but the fight wasn’t really anything special, and the whole bit with the guys storming Ranma...yeah. Didn’t care for that. But hey! It’s finally time to do another Character Spotlight!

Unlike Cologne, who I am still holding off on doing a Spotlight for since I don’t feel like we’ve gotten to really see enough of her yet, this one episode basically gave us most of what we need to know about Mousse, so let’s just do it.

In terms of voice acting, his English performer is Brad Swaile. He’s done quite a few things, but he’s most well known for being the voice of Light in Death Note, which is quite a funny comparison. Both characters have huge egos, that’s to be sure, but Light is usually taken seriously, while at least in the dub Mousse is basically just a joke the entire time. Swaile plays him very comedically, which does fit the generally goofy tone of his character.

It is in contrast, however, to his original Japanese voice actor, Toshihiko Seki. Like a lot of the seiyuu, he has done a million things, but of particular note are his roles as Legato Bluesummers from Trigun, another anime I love quite a bit, and as the Japanese Dub actor for the Tenth Doctor in Doctor Who. Honestly, finding out the Japanese dub castings is a treat every time I do a Spotlight. But anyway, Seki largely plays Mousse more seriously, as a confident warrior, only going for comedy with how over-the-top some of his attacks get, considering how silly they are. I’m going to tentatively say this is another performance I think works than the dub, which is fairly rare for me as far as anime go.

So, who exactly is Mousse? Well, like I said before, Mousse is Shampoo’s childhood friend, and the first member of their tribe we’ve met who is a guy. His character motivation is literally just that he wants to be with Shampoo, and will beat up/kill Ranma to get her. Pretty simple.

What makes him silly is the combination of his terrible eyesight, a fairly common trope that now that I think about it is kinda ableist, and how he fights. He’s a master of hidden weapons, but more often than not the items he’s fighting with are silly things, like a toilet or a yoyo. Combined with his high self-confidence, and Mousse is fairly Kuno-like, only quite a bit sillier.

Only enough though, he’s more similar to Kodachi than to Tatewaki. Why? Well, because he’s deadly. Of all of Ranma’s primary rivals/reoccurring antagonists, Mousse is easily the one most ready to kill, not unlike Shampoo. When he gets serious, he trades in the silly weapons for genuinely dangerous weapons. He started choking Ranma with his bare hands in their first encounter, then tried doing it again with rope not long afterwards. Ryoga might talk a lot about killing Ranma, but Mousse has done a lot more to actually attempt that.

All of that said, I’m pretty ambivalent on Mousse. I don’t hate him, but of all of Ranma’s primary rivals, he’s easily the most boring. He doesn’t have the je ne sais quoi of Ryoga or the pompous elitism of Kuno, he’s just a deadly joke character who’s obsessed with Shampoo. Maybe my opinions will change over the course of the rewatch, but for right now I’m still pretty meh on him.

But you know what I’m not meh on? This episode! Even with the weaker second half, the first ten minutes or so were good enough that I’m overall pretty sunny on it. Listen, I’m an easy mark, give me some Ranma/Akane fuel and some decent drama, and I’m happy. I’ll put this in the top half of episodes so far between the ending of the fight between Ranma and Kodachi and the climax to Shampoo’s introductory arc.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 19: Clash of the Delivery Girls! The Martial Arts Takeout Race

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 23: Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan

Episode 17: I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye

Episode 20: You Really Do Hate Cats!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 21: This Ol' Gal's the Leader of the Amazon Tribe!

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Episode 18: I Am a Man! Ranma's Going Back to China!?

But once again, this arc still! Isn’t! Done! No, the end of the Phoenix Pill Arc, if you want to call it that, comes next week with “Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen". Most of my memories of this episode come from a YouTuber I used to follow hating on it, but I’m ready to give it a fair shot. See you then!

#episode 23 #Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #mousse #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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quirkfics · 5 years

Text

together

word count: 3.4k

warnings: smut, threesome, oral, penetrative sex, double penetration, mild self doubt, Tamaki’s anxiety, reassurance, aged up

pairing: Mirio x Reader (gender neutral) x Tamaki

author’s note: Ooof, this took me way longer than I expected! But this is what happens when I write something in between a whole bunch of other things. These two goofs are adorable and honestly I can’t wait to write for them again

Late afternoon sunshine is hitting the blinds, turning the room warm and dusky with shadows. It’s still much too early to sleep, but splayed over Tamaki’s lap as you are, you’re getting drowsy while you both wait for Mirio.

Tamaki’s working on his phone, tapping away at the keyboard and looking mournful all the while. Despite his expression, you know that texting and emails are easier for him. He’s become so used to it, that he's much more likely to send you cute little messages of affection throughout the day. Whereas Mirio likes to hit his bluetooth and converse no matter what else he might be doing. That dichotomy between them always has you smiling, even if- Well. Even if you’re not always sure how you fit in.

“Is something the matter?” Tamaki murmurs, glancing at you quickly before hiding his face back behind his phone. No matter how comfortable he is with you, or with Mirio, he still has trouble meeting anyone's gaze. That he looks at your eyes at all, really, says how much he cares about you though.

“Hm?” You heard him clearly, and you’re not trying to make him repeat himself, but.. You feel guilty already, knowing he saw the wariness in your face.

“Your- you were smiling, and then you looked.. You look serious.” Tamaki breathes out slowly, trying not to let himself get caught up in worrying needlessly.

“I- Sometimes I wonder how we got here,” you say, rubbing softly at one eye before you focus on him. His eyebrows are furrowed, lips parted - but his eyes are still focused on the screen. He can order his thoughts a little more if no one pushes him for eye contact, and you know he’s listening, so you don’t feel slighted. Tamaki has always been good at listening to people's problems - it’s just that not everyone realizes he has good advice to give too. “How I got here,” you correct yourself, feeling embarrassed warmth crawl up your throat.

Tamaki’s eyes widen behind his phone, and then he puts it carefully down. His hands are soft against the crown of your head and your cheek, and his expression is a little wistful as he traces one of your eyebrows with a slightly shaking finger. “Do you f-feel like you don’t belong?” And now Tamaki looks guilty, which is the absolute last thing you wanted.

“Tamaki,” you chastise, mouth open to continue- and then you close it, mulling over your words before you say something you don’t actually mean. “Not exactly. You and Mirio have always made me feel welcome. Even when you were nervous around me at first, it never felt like you were trying to exclude me, it’s nothing like that, okay?”

His eyes are on your mouth now, tracking the movements of your lips as you speak. “Good,” he says, with astounding decisiveness. It’s that hero tone of voice, the one that says you’ll be alright, I promise. The one people can’t help but believe. “But something is still bothering you.”

“So perceptive,” you tease, a smile tugging at your lips when his cheeks turn pink.

“Don’t try and, and distract me,” he mumbles, thumb stroking over your cheekbone. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Silly worries,” you say with a sigh, giving in. “About how I managed to insert myself into your lives. Two of the most prominent heroes of the generation, and I-”

Tamaki’s hands close around either side of your face, and he turns you until you’re looking up at him, eyes intent on yours. His nervousness has fled. “You aren’t some kind of parasite, inserting yourself into our lives. Mirio and I, both of us, wanted you here. We want you.” He takes a breath, realizing how intense he sounds, and then focuses his eyes on your chin. “I know with.. With my anxiety, it might- I might, make you feel unsure, or maybe-”

“No!” You declare, finally pushing yourself up out of his lap. You’re still pressed close to his side though, and you grab his hands, keeping a steady hold on him. “Tamaki, everything about you has always made me feel more than happy to be here, and the same with Mirio. Like I said, I'm only thinking about it all. Mirio is-”

“Brilliant,” Tamaki sighs. “I still don’t see why he-”

“Don’t go putting me on a pedestal here,” Mirio says, and both you and Tamaki startle, turning to watch him as he phases into the middle of the room from the wall.

He is utterly naked, hands on his hips, not even attempting to cover himself up.

“Did you lose-” “Where are your-”

“Never mind that,” Mirio says with a laugh, running a hand through his hair and glancing down at his bare self before his eyes lift back to the both of you. “I’m more concerned with the two of you. It sounds like I walked in on something pretty serious, huh?”

Tamaki immediately turns red with guilt, and you can’t help the little embarrassed shrug you give him, trying to ignore his nakedness. You wouldn’t say anything more about the conversation you'd been having, but Tamaki will spill the beans if Mirio presses. It's better to just admit to it, instead of making Tamaki burst with the mortification of potential lying.

“Wondering how I ended up being here with the two of you. It's just that I’m so-”

“I don’t know how this came about either,” Tamaki insists, starting to gesture between the three of you before giving up and covering his face so he can talk into his palms. “Mirio has always been so- and you, too. The way you look at me, I don’t de-”

Mirio stops the self doubting spiral the both of you are on with a heavy sigh. “Stop. This is normal, you know? Everyone has moments like this. For example: You both see so much in me, and I appreciate it. But even I wonder if I really measure up to all that. I try. But it’s still a lot to live up to. Can we just agree that none of us are perfect?” He points to the both of you, and then jerks his thumb at his own chest, smile brightening. “I mean, we’re pretty close, but still. I’m with the both of you because I want to be, never mind how it all came about.” Mirio walks forward so he can kneel before the two of you, one hand on your knee and one hand on Tamaki’s.

Tamaki shudders, uncovering his face, and then makes a small little wheezing noise when he meets your gaze. “I wasn’t trying to make this about me,” he hurries to say, and then leans towards you, curling a hand in the bottom of your shirt. You know what he wants, that’s he’s trying to pull you close without being insistent, so you lean closer too, letting his arms slip around you. “I-I want to be with the both of you too. I don’t care about anything else, just-” His mouth is twisted with guilt, and he swallows before his head tilts so he can kiss you. Tamaki’s lips are parted, breathing in the taste of you, but he’s still hesitant, more willing to let you lead. He sighs when you kiss him back and shudders when you reach up to stroke at the point of his ear.

“Do either of you know what this does for me?” Mirio asks, and both of you pause, breaking the kiss. “Ah, I didn’t say stop,” he teases, reaching out to capture Tamaki’s chin and tilt him back in your direction. You smile, a little shy, but gently close your teeth around Tamaki’s bottom lip. Mirio is closer now, thighs and hips pressed against you, and you’re fairly sure that Tamaki notices his erection at the same time you do. He whines against your mouth, hand tight on your bicep, and then takes over the kiss willingly when you reach out for Mirio.

It's hard to question how you ended up here, when the three of you have this. Mirio doesn’t mind helping things along, doesn’t mind speaking up first or putting a stop to something getting out of hand, but he’s always wanted it to be the three of you. He’d told you once that he doesn’t want to make decisions and have the both of you just follow along after him. He wants to build this relationship together.

Tamaki finally pulls away, just enough to move his mouth to your jaw, lips and teeth soft against your pulse. He’s left you a little breathless, lips spit-slick and kiss swollen, but you don’t mind. Mirio isn’t wearing a shirt for you to pull at, but he leans in when you urge him, hand cradling the back of your head as his tongue slips into your mouth. Mirio’s kisses are always messy, and a little noisy, but Tamaki likes that, if the sudden groan against your shoulder is anything to go by. One of his hands slips beneath your shirt, touch almost too soft as he strokes at your hip and then moves upwards. Without saying anything, Mirio starts to mirror him, touch more firm, and then they both have you gasping.

They do this sometimes, mirroring, moving in tandem, and it never fails to leave you breathless. They’ve been in each other's pockets for so long, that it’s hard, sometimes, to think of one without the other. This is why, actually, you sometimes feel a little confused about your place here. They feel so complete-

“You feel so good,” Tamaki whispers against your throat, plucking at your nipple until it pebbles beneath his fingers. Mirio, in contrast, pulls, energetic and purposeful, where Tamaki is soft and sweet.

“You fit,” Mirio says, pulling away from your lips to breathe the words against your ear. “Between us, you fit. Can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it?” They’re too good at this too. Making you dizzy with the attention, leaving your chest heaving and arousal pulsing through your veins. Mirio presses a kiss to your shoulder, smile sunshine-bright even though his hair is mussed and he looks well-fucked already. God, these two.

“I think,” you say, feeling a little daring as you slowly push Mirio back to the floor. He goes more than willingly, grinning up at you. but Tamaki is still clinging to your hips as you stand and pull off your shirt. “I think I’ve been neglecting the both of you.” You breathe in a little sharply as Tamaki nips at the flesh of your hip. His hands are steady on your trousers, undoing the buttons and helping you to step out of them. Tamaki stands, and Mirio looks past you, some unspoken communication between them flying right over your head, though Tamaki starts moving about, and Mirio never stops smiling.

“How do you want us then?” Mirio asks, stretching his arms out, and then crossing them behind his head. He flexes, the brat, showing off for both of his lovers, and winks at you when Tamaki laughs at his demeanor.

Fuck, that question has you aching. There are a million ways you’ve yet to have them, and tried favorites to fall back on- it’s always hard to choose. You try and hide how eager you feel with an eye roll, kneeling between Mirio’s obligingly spread thighs.

“So impatient, Mirio,” you tease, starting at his knees and stroking firmly upwards. Tamaki would shiver and jerk under your touch, but Mirio stays still, breath even and deep, eyes locked on the meandering path you trace up his body. Tamaki kneels behind you, as naked as you and Mirio are now, and his hands curl around your hips. Not holding, or controlling, just touching, just being part of this. Having Tamaki between you and Mirio is always a delight - but you don’t think Tamaki is quite in the mood for being overstimulated. As well as Tamaki and Mirio work together, you and Mirio are more than talented enough to leave Tamaki a blushing, desperate mess.

“I think you’re having trouble deciding,” Mirio teases back, and again he lifts his head to meet Tamaki’s gaze over your shoulder. “So unless you have any objections-” Mirio starts, and his eyes are dark, focused on Tamaki, who is, very gently, curling his fingers around the back of your neck.

Tamaki leans his cheek against the top of your head. “I want to see his cock in your mouth,” he sighs, breathing in the scent of your hair. You know, even without looking, that his eyes must be closed. He would have gone to pieces, having to say that with either of you staring him in the face. He shuffles a little closer behind you, and you can’t help the shuddering breath that escapes you when you feel Tamaki’s erection against your ass. “D-does that sound good?” His fingers twitch, just the slightest bit, until you breathe out a:

“Yes, please.”

Tamaki and Mirio both groan, and then Tamaki is increasing the pressure on the back of your neck until you’re leaning down, cheek resting against Mirio’s hip.

“Open your mouth,” Tamaki gets out, and then he’s muttering too softly underneath his breath for you to hear. Probably in embarrassment, even though you know he’s watching, eyes wide and cheeks red, all while you part your lips and Mirio takes his thick cock in hand.

“Hmm. You know what I want to see?” Mirio asks, pressing the head of his cock softly against your lips. He taps it against your mouth, twice, and tension is starting to build up in his frame. Mirio acts so jovial and easy-going, but he wants this, the solid reassurance and physical closeness, as much as Tamaki does.

“What?” You have time to ask, just before Mirio pushes his cock into your mouth. He’s not slow, but he’s not forceful either, and the first brush of your tongue has him sighing.

“I want to watch Tamaki fucking you,” he decides, smirking when Tamaki makes a choked noise. “Why are you choking?” Mirio asks him with a small, rough laugh. “You’re not the one with a full mouth.”

“When you say things like that-” Tamaki starts, but his hand is reaching between your legs, fingers slow and careful as he strokes you.

“You like when I say things like that,” Mirio accuses, hand soft on the back of your head. He’s not pushing, just stroking his fingers over your hair. “All I have to do is tell you exactly what I want to watch you do to-”

“Mirio,” Tamaki gasps, and then hides his blushing face against your spine. His hand doesn’t stop moving between your legs though, and his cock is hard against the back of your thigh.

“Y’see?” Mirio directs your way, and then loses his breath when you suck, hard, in retaliation for his teasing. “Ah, you- you both like it,” Mirio gasps, rolling his hips a little when you suck again. “I like it. The looks on both your faces, the way- the way you both-” He cuts off when the suction gets to be too much for him, eyes closed tight.

“‘S what you get for teasing,” Tamaki says, tilting his head, probably so he can watch Mirio’s jaw go slack the longer you suck. The sight makes him shudder against you, breath warm on your back as he fumbles with something, and then his fingers are slick, and warm, and pushing into you.

It’s hard, trying to concentrate, but you know you won’t get Mirio off this way - he’s a rhythm kind of guy. The look of hazy pleasure on his face is worth taking your time though. His eyes flutter open. “You going to use your mouth?” Mirio asks, and for a moment you’re confused, because you are using your mouth, thanks. Tamaki’s hand stills inside you though, as he considers the thought, cock throbbing.

You make a questioning noise, curling your tongue around the head of Mirio’s cock, but even muffled as it is, Tamaki knows what you’re asking. The vibration of the noise has the added benefit of making Mirio curse as he tries not to buck up into your mouth.

“Not.. Not right now,” Tamaki mutters, and turns his face back to your skin, pressing a soft kiss to your spine in apology. His fingers scissor, soft and slow, and then curl, and you hum around the cock in your mouth, enjoying the feeling.

“Are you trying to kill me here?” Mirio jokes, propping himself up on his elbows so he can watch. He’s losing his composure, with his flushed cheeks and his eyes, grown dark with the way they're focused on your mouth. "Trying to tag me out so I have to watch?" He's still smiling, but his mouth is open now, and his breath is coming harder, and- Tamaki removes his fingers from you and puts a hand on either hip.

You moan around Mirio's cock, loud and wanton, and your fingers dig into the floor when Tamaki thrusts into you. This fucking angle- Tamaki always seems to hit it perfectly, and the way he wiggles his hips? Just to be sure he's as deep as can be? You’re having trouble doing much more than than holding Mirio in your mouth, making noise.

"Oh, fuck- how am I supposed to- to make any claims about stamina when you two wreck me this way?" Mirio asks, eyes heavy lidded and shoulders lined with tension. “Lift your hips,” he pleads with you, and then Tamaki is muttering under his breath, fingertips twitching in the hold he has on you. You do your best to arch, to give Mirio a better view, but the motion just makes Tamaki whimper.

“Tight,” he gasps, and thrusts instinctively. The motion pushes you forward, but Mirio catches your shoulder before you choke on him, and that spurs you back into action.

You can barely remember the word doubt, caught between them as you are. Everything feels exactly right, the way they build up their pace. Tamaki thrusts, and Mirio’s thighs clench before he pushes against your shoulder, rocking you back into Tamaki as he starts to pull out, and all you have to do is keep balance and suck and try not to let your eyes fall closed because-

“Ah, I’m going to-” Mirio’s face is flushed, and his hand is starting to shake where he’s gripping your shoulder. Tamaki makes another choked noise, speeding up, hands tight around your hips.

“Where?” Tamaki asks, almost breathless.

Mirio curses and reaches down to squeeze the base of his cock, to stifle his orgasm, just for a moment. It doesn’t seem to help him much though, not when your head bobs and your lips brush against his knuckles. “Mouth or, or back?” Mirio asks hurriedly, and his knuckles are turning pale with the way he’s gripping himself.

You’re not sure what you’re going to say, but you pull off of Mirio with a wet pop and then all you can do is lay your head on his thigh. “O-ah, fuck, fuck, Tamaki, I’m-” You come, sooner than you’d thought, hands curling into fists against the floor, moaning wordlessly against Mirio’s thigh. Mirio echoes you, angling himself and stroking furiously, and then there’s a warm splatter over your shoulder, while Tamaki is still gasping behind you.

“Close,” Tamaki says, and then his knee nudges yours, spreading your legs just a little wider apart, and you shudder. It’s that angle, and the length of him, and the way he clings to you, and then he’s letting go of your hip to reach over you and he’s tangling his fingers with Mirio’s- “Coming, I’m coming, you feel so good,” he whispers, voice rough as his hips slap against your thighs. Tamaki doesn’t slow when he’s finished though, he just stops, his breathing ragged.

“Feeling better?” Mirio asks, stroking a hand over your cheek and smiling at you tiredly. He’d just gotten off shift, you recall. You open your mouth to respond, but Tamaki pulls out and you have to pause to gasp, body adjusting to the loss of him. He squeezes your hip again, once, and then gets up on unsteady feet to go get something to clean up with.

“Yeah,” you finally get out, slowly lowering your body the rest of the way to the floor. “You? Tamaki?” You ask, letting your eyes drift closed, just enjoying the warmth of his thigh under your cheek.

“As long as we’re together,” Tamaki says, voice taking on that decisive tone again, “I’m happy.”

“Yeah,” both you and Mirio say in unison, and the three of you start laughing.

#mirio togata x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #togata mirio x reader #amajiki tamaki x reader #bnha reader #mirio x reader x tamaki #lemon #toogata mirio x reader

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quirklove · 4 years

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Can I have some HCs for Hawks with a secret lover who has a Jorogumo(Spider Woman) quirk? She has the ability to maintain a normal woman's body but still possesses two extra pairs of eyes, but can transform the pelvis down to the body of a spider. She can get easily flustered but is a strong woman that can handle her own. (I can't wait til you write for Hawks! Thank you, luv!!)

fuck I love him so much???

we got some fresh hot angst mixed in there too bc this is ME we’re talking about

anyway please love this boy with all ur heart, he needs it SO bad

KEIGO/HAWKS

Given his background, it’s in his nature for Keigo to be secretive about a lot of things, and it doesn’t always bother him to a huge degree… but he is so, so, so sick of hiding her. God, he just… he loves her so much, he wants to tell the world! The urge strikes him often to scream from a mountaintop, “I LOVE (NAME) (SURNAME)!!!” But he can’t do that. It’s out of the question for him to be anything other than private about their relationship, regardless of whether or not she’s also a hero.

In fact, it would be even more dangerous if she’s a civilian. If she’s a hero, she has the training to defend herself. If she’s a civilian, the only training she’s had is learning to live with her Quirk. Even if she is a hero, it’s likely she isn’t part of the Commission like he is, so it would put her at risk anyway. That doesn’t mean he has to like it. It should be something that keeps him up at night; in the end, though, the choice for him is relatively easy. The joy of being able to kiss her in public doesn’t outweigh putting her in peril. It’s not worth it. She is the love of his life, and he’s not going to compromise her safety just so he can satisfy his selfish desires.

He thinks the extra eyes are kind of hot! … Well, until he notices that she gets headaches a lot. Ouch. He’s always got painkillers on hand just in case!

Flustering her is one of his favorite pastimes when he gets to be with her. It’s just so cute to see her face go red and hear her stammering over a simple comment like, “Ahahah, you look so sexy tonight!” He teases her endlessly, but it’s all in good fun. There’s just something he enjoys about the dichotomy of seeing a normally strong person who doesn’t take any shit reduced to acting all shy because of something he said. In some part it makes him feel powerful and in control of something ― mostly, though, the reason is because her reactions are adorable.

He’s got a tendency to wrap her up in his wings when they’re cuddling. All nice and secure, right? It feels like he’s shielding them from the rest of the world, protecting her from any possible bad thing that could happen. A wing-cocoon means that everything else doesn’t matter. It’s just the two of them, together, in their own little world. No jobs or responsibilities, no bills, no worries, nothing eating into their time together. Dammit. He wishes it could be like this all the time.

Oh, she thinks it’s sooooo funny to transform into her spidery self and scuttle away when he’s trying to be silly! What, she doesn’t wanna be tickled till she’s laughing so hard she’s out of breath? Not up for a pillow fight that ends with the two of them a tangled mess of limbs? Wasn’t charmed by his asking if she needed help washing her back when she’s heading to the bathroom to shower? Tch! She teases him worse than he does her, how mean! (Of course, he’s sure she’ll agree once she’s done playing hard to get!)

It doesn’t matter which form she’s in when she sleeps. If they’re sleeping together, Keigo clings. He’ll spoon her from the back, slipping one leg between hers, or he’ll cuddle while facing her with his face buried in her neck. His arms are always tight around her waist, wings partially splayed over her body. It’s as if he thinks he could lose her at any moment if he lets go of her.

And he never wants to lose her. He doesn’t know what he’d do without her. She’s the one good thing in his whole damn life that didn’t get fucked up, and he needs her. He needs her.

#My Hero Academia #Boku no Hero Academia #Keigo #Keigo Takami #Hawks #headcanons #romantic #drama #fluff #angst #HE'S MY BABY..........#I just wanna kiss his whole face #me @ Hawks: BOY LET ME LOVE YOUUUUU AND I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSEEEEELF #he's so good #he deserves better

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helenamayhathaway · 4 years

Text

For those of you who missed what is probably the best ficlet I’ve written thus far, here it is (and also here):

Prompt: prince keeps rejecting marriage proposals because he’s secretly in love with the cute gardener boy (via @pansexual-pandemic) ...but I got a lil Sleeping Beauty with it.

“Royal matchmaker this, royal matchmaker that, honestly, at this point, I just feel like glorified furniture,” Ray says.

“Hey, you know, it could be worse,” Frank shrugs.

“Worse than what? This was supposed to be like, a five-month gig! It was just supposed to be ‘oh find the Prince a wife and then here’s some money’ but no!” Ray says, his voice sounds angry, but Frank knows that he isn’t really. His official title may be ‘royal matchmaker,’ but Ray has been his friend since he showed up to town four years ago. Four years. Wow. That’s a lot of years of Frank rejecting every girl to cross his path.

It’s not so much rejection as Frank just knows they’re not the one. How could they be? He’s sure he’ll know it when the right girl turns up, but he hasn’t met her yet. He knows it’s important, because there are deadlines to consider, but it just hasn’t seemed important enough for him to start being serious about the subject.

Frank has Ray lagging behind him as they stroll through the property, Frank assuring both his guards and Ray that he just wanted some fresh air. He likes it out here, it’s far less stuffy than the palace, which is always a little too warm, and smells old. Frank’s family have lived in that palace for generations, for so long that there are hundred-year-old paintings hanging up in the hallways of people long dead who have Frank’s eyes.

He doesn’t have a trajectory, at least he doesn’t think he does, but he does end up somewhere very particular anyway. Frank always ends up in the gardens. He likes the way the flowers smell, and the way the flowers look. They’re beautifully arrayed, masterfully pieced together to show off every single color of the rainbow, for at least nine months of the year. The flowers that grow in winter are more muted, but just as beautiful, and just as expertly arranged, because the garden is kept in the two most capable hands in the entire kingdom.

Frank bites his lip, looking at one particular bushel of flowers near to him when a familiar voice from behind him says, “those are called impatiens.”

The voice belongs to someone that Frank has known all his life. He turns to see him, the ever smiling, wonderful Gerard. Frank has known him since they were both little kids, Gerard’s father was a gardener to this palace long before he was born. Since childhood, Gerard’s been his closest friend in the world, and probably the only one who doesn’t judge Frank for not falling in love. That’s not to say Gerard isn’t judgmental, because he has made fun of just about everything Frank has ever done ever, and Frank has threatened to lock him up every single time he does it, but that just makes Gerard laugh at him harder.

“Hey, Gerard,” Frank smiles back at him. Gerard’s smile is contagious, absolutely gut-punching. He’s got long, dark brown hair, and eyes the color of the earth he plants his flowers in. It's not in the job description, but Gerard's probably the most attractive gardener in the world. “Impatience you say?”

“No, I said impatiens, not-”

Ray interrupts him to say, “It’s not impatience, Frank, there’s a deadline. You’ve got until you’re 21 before you go to sleep for all eternity! If I don’t find the love of your life before then, we’re all fucked!”

“Why does everyone believe in that silly curse,” Frank groans. Truth is, Frank knows it’s real. Why wouldn’t it be? People have curses placed on them all the time; it’s just what life is like. But he’s trying to make people worry less about him. He’s still got 6 months, it could happen. Princess charming will come waltzing in through the palace doors and Frank will hear a chorus of bells. You know, probably.

“We all need some time away from you,” Gerard says, sighing, “I know I can’t wait to be rid of you for a spell.”

“Exactly!” Frank says, “Oh, and Gerard, you’re fired for that comment.”

“Oh, agony,” Gerard sighs, raising his arms up in defeat as Frank smiles at him. He crouches back down to work on a little patch of soil that he’d been busying at before Frank so rudely interrupted him.

“It’s not funny, Frank,” Ray says. “You’re the only heir to the throne! What do you think happens when it all goes belly up?”

“Well, I imagine you all have a little laugh and find a proper replacement,” Frank says with a shrug. “Perhaps, Gerard here. He knows how to grow flowers, surely, he must also know how to manage the socioeconomic divide.”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Gerard nods overdramatically, “Read all about it in the farmer’s almanac.”

“It’s not a joke, you two!” Ray says, sounding aggravated, “if I don’t find you a wife, you’re basically dead. And also, I don’t get paid.”

“Oh, agony,” Frank and Gerard both say.

~*~*~*~

He and Frank are having a staring contest. Neither of them asked if they should have a staring contest, they’ve just been doing it. He supposes that that’s not particularly abnormal for the two of them. Not the staring contest in particular, they just tend to mirror each other. Frank blinks first, which makes Gerard smile a silent victory.

“Why are you smiling?” he asks, though they both know that Frank loves Gerard’s smile and would never complain about it. It’s the greatest smile in the kingdom, Frank is willing to die on those words.

“You know why.”

“I don’t know at all.”

“Sure, Frank.”

“I didn’t even know we were having a staring contest.”

“You’re the one who mentioned it,” Gerard says.

Frank scrunches up his face, “damn, I fell into my own trap.”

“Dumbass,” Gerard says, rolling his eyes.

Frank looks around the two of them at the grass. Gerard has just been picking flowers for the entrance hall of the palace when Frank stole him away because he’s hiding from his father. Being the future prince comes with a lot of responsibilities, but sometimes Frank just wants to hide away with his best friend.

“What are those called, anyway?” he asks, pointing at the pink flowers in Gerard’s hand.

“Camellia,” he responds.

“Those are my new favorite,” Frank declares.

“You have a new favorite every other week,” Gerard responds. “Last week you specifically liked yellow roses.”

“Well, that’s because whichever one you pick are usually the prettiest ones.”

“Oh, how you mock me,” Gerard says, feigning annoyance.

“Hey, that time I tried to tell you I liked dandelions you threatened to end the royal line, so I’m just trying to stay on your good side,” Frank laughs.

“I wish you liked any of those girls as much as you like flowers.”

“Ugh, let’s not talk about this, I get enough of it from Ray,” Frank groans. He’s already met with two girls this afternoon, and he’s worried if he goes back to the castle, there will be a long line of more. He didn’t know that there were that many people in existence. There’s at least a few who have snuck in a few times and think that he doesn’t recognize them. Perhaps there are more who have snuck in that Frank genuinely hasn’t recognized.

“You’re running out of time,” Gerard says.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll meet someone; we’ve still got like 4 months! It’ll sort itself out.”

“You need to try harder,” Gerard scolds. “You’re not giving them enough of a chance, dumbass.”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t fall in love with someone who’s not my one true love, that’s not exactly going to cut it is it? I’m not saying the curse is real, because that is some bullshit, but if it were real, it’s not going to go away by me wanting to fall in love with. My soulmate is out there somewhere, I just have to meet her,” Frank says. “Oh, and by the way, for that comment, it’ll be a flogging.”

“You’re a piece of shit,” Gerard says.

~*~*~*~

“Who the fuck would ever want to fall in love with you?” Gerard says, incredulous. He rarely ever gets to actually witness Frank when Ray’s in the midst of matchmaking, but honestly, if that’s how Frank acts with every girl, then it’s no surprise he doesn’t have a one true love. There’s probably no girl out there at all in the whole world who would ever fall in love with Frank. He’s a jackass.

“What can I say,” Frank shrugs.

“You’re a jackass,” Gerard tells him, because he’s not one for holding his tongue.

“Gerard!” Ray says emphatically.

“I’ve called him worse than that when I’m not annoyed with him,” Gerard says with a shrug.

“Still,” Ray says. “Be easy on him, it’s not some small task, all of this meeting and greeting and trying to establish a connection with so little time to do it.” Gerard is low key not sure what Ray actually does. He used to know what Ray did. Back in the day, four and half years ago, Ray used to pair Frank up with girls who fit a certain mold. He screened the girls before they made it to the ultimate rejection that Frank gave them. Nowadays, literally any girl above a certain age is allowed to “try out.” Nowadays, it seems like all Ray does is watch and make sure that Frank isn’t purposefully rude or shitty to them.

In all fairness, Frank isn’t actually mean to the girls. He just isn’t very opening, not the way he is with Gerard at least. He can say or do anything he likes to Gerard, and they’ll roll the joke around for a few weeks like nothing.

He can’t fathom why none of these girls know how to establish a connection with Frank, when he’s so pathetically easy to understand, or maybe that’s just how Gerard views him. He’s very simple. He’s also stupid as shit, and Gerard tells him as such.

“You’re stupid as shit.”

“I don’t see you falling in love with anyone!” Frank says.

“That’s because I’m not going to go to sleep for all of eternity in less than a month!” Gerard bites back at him.

“You two have a dichotomy I’ll never understand. If only there was a girl in this world who was as dumb as the two of you, maybe I could get Frank to fall in love with her,” Ray says, almost to himself.

“Fuck you,” Frank says. Ray is a very good friend of Frank’s, honestly and genuinely, but literally no one in the entire kingdom lets a ‘fuck you’ from the prince roll of their back besides Gerard. Ray knows it’s a joke, but he’s still a little shaken by it.

“I bet whoever your soulmate is is as ugly as you are, and twice as annoying.”

“That’s a hanging for you,” Frank says.

Gerard makes a very loud, aggravated sound and storms out of the room. He’s not sure why he’s angry. He didn’t used to get angry at Frank for turning girls down. He used to let it be a joke. Because that’s all it was when they were both 17 and this all started out. He laughed off the idea of his best friend in the world, the boy he knew since before he understood what royalty was, could fall in love. Now he’s becoming increasingly distressed. If Frank doesn’t find her in less than 30 days, he’s done for. The stupid motherfucker, he’s most definitely met her and rejected her already, because he’s too dumb for this world.

But god, if Frank goes to sleep forever, Gerard’s life will screech to a halt. He’ll just stop caring about everything. Frank is his best goddamn friend in the world, and without him, not even his flowers will be enough color to populate the darkness that will fill him.

~*~*~*~

“What do you think is going to happen tonight?” Gerard asks. It’s fully starting to sink in now that he’s going to wake up tomorrow and Frank won’t. Tonight is the night of “the big sleep,” as Frank has dubbed it. Frank is literally the only person in the entire Kingdom not taking it seriously. He can’t honestly believe that the curse was fake, can he? An evil witch doesn’t show up on your doorstep to curse you to fall asleep when you touch a spindle just as a party trick. That’s a clear sign. Frank is going to as good as die tonight, because the obstinate little shit couldn’t fall in love with the 21 years, he had to do it in. Just meet one girl and love her. That’s all he had to do.

“I’m going to take a nap,” Frank says, laughing. Gerard pushes him in the shoulder, angrily, because he is angry. Frank is not taking this seriously. For him, he’s just going to be asleep, he won’t know, but for everyone else around him. That’s the end. He’s going to be gone, for just about ever. Maybe he will still be alive, breathing, sleeping, but he’ll be dead to everyone else. All because Frank couldn’t find his one true love who will kiss him and bring him back to life.

“That’s not funny!”

“You used to think it was,” Frank says.

“That was before it was, like, real,” Gerard says. He should feel guilty, he supposes. He knew this was coming, but he kind of just assumed that everything would sort itself out. Frank is the most charming, wonderful, beautiful person in the entire world. How is it possible that any girl could help falling in love with him? Clearly, it’s Frank’s fault. Every girl is ready and willing to bring him back to life, but Frank’s picky. He needs to find his one true love, and even though it seems every eligible woman in this kingdom and all the girls from here to three kingdoms over, has tried to offer themselves to him, he somehow hasn’t found ‘the one.’ Gerard suspects that he probably has found the one, but he joked her away.

“It’s always been real, Gee,” he says, and for the first time probably in either of their lives, Frank is looking directly into Gerard’s eyes with the solemn understanding of what is going to happen. Yes, Frank is going to ‘die’ tonight. Yes, his best friend in the entire world is going to have to look at Frank’s lifeless, sleeping body for the rest of his life unless a miracle strikes, and Ray is able to matchmake him while he’s unconscious. Yes, Gerard will be heartbroken, and the reputation that Frank has given him for having the brightest smile in the kingdom, will be lost as soon as Frank’s eyes close.

“I hate you,” Gerard says shaking his head. He wants to hug Frank, but he knows that it’s not seemly for the help to be so informal with royalty. Everyone in the palace knows that Gerard and Frank are as close as two friends can possibly be, but that doesn’t change Gerard’s status.

At the very beginning of the desperate search for a match, Ray had been ordered to only set Frank up with royals and girls from various noble families. When it was clear, that wasn’t turning anything up, they started allowing anyone to vie for his hand. Now, they’ve reached a standstill. New women showing up by the hour with a prayer and a hope that they could be the long-lost princess of Frank’s dreams. None of them have been.

“No you don’t,” Frank says, his smile doesn’t quite reach the sadness in his eyes. Gerard realizes that Frank might have been joking about the curse all this time as a defense mechanism. He knows what’s going to happen. He’s always known.

“I’m never going to forgive you for going to sleep,”

“Yeah alright.”

Gerard just crosses his arms and shakes his head. He glares out the window. It’s starting to become cold again, he’s gearing up to start fostering the winter flowers. Frank always says that he likes the bright colorful ones, but Gerard knows that the winter ones mean a little something more to him. The winter Jasmine is a welcome cut of white and yellow into the sullen darkness that his bedroom becomes when the moon rises earlier in the sky for months on end.

“You’re going to take care of things around here, aren’t you?” Frank asks, and Gerard looks almost offended by him saying that. “Not just the flowers. You’ve got to keep that big smile of yours. My father adores you; you know. He might be all chivalrous and try to hide it because of his, I don’t know, pretense of masculinity in being King, but like, he’s always liked you. You were my best friend even as a kid. He’s going to need you to help him get by.”

“I hate all of this. I won’t let you fall asleep. You can’t prick your finger if I chop off both of your hands.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

~*~*~*~

No one is entirely sure where the spindle had even come from. There had been four guards on the door, four at the windows, two stood inside Frank’s bedroom, and just about every member of the kingdom standing guard outside the palace doors in support of their beloved prince. There had not been a spindle in that room an hour before midnight, but once midnight struck, there it was.

Gerard knows it’s the curse, he knows it’s not Frank’s fault, but he’s not going to stop him from blaming Frank for touching that goddamn spindle anyway. All he had to do was keep his hands to himself, but he couldn’t do that.

The scream could be heard maybe not just through the entire palace, but perhaps through the entire kingdom. Gerard had been banished to the entrance hall when he heard the scream, and then the shouting, the running, the crying. He hadn’t been scared, sad, in disbelief, angry, or anything at all really. He had just been numb. He knew what had happened. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel.

That was three months ago.

It hasn’t snowed yet this winter, and the people of the kingdom believe it never will until Frank wakes up. It hasn’t rained, snowed, or done anything. Some of the officials are saying that if they don’t receive some sort of precipitation in the next few weeks, they’ll be looking at a drought come spring. Maybe it’s what a kingdom without Frank deserves. A land without water is a land not worth living in, just as a land without Frank bares no real purpose either.

Gerard watches, waits, sitting on the steps of the front entrance to the palace, watching a girl that has surely already tried to throw Frank her love, walks up the stairs anyway. Every girl who had once bid themselves away to be loved by Frank has now returned to place one kiss on the cheek of the sleeping prince. He runs the little bouquet of sweet alyssum through his fingers, thinking about how Frank would stop to smell them, before asking Gerard to cover his room with the stuff. Frank always loved Gerard’s flowers more than anyone else. He doesn’t even think anyone would have noticed they even still had a gardener if it weren’t for Frank insisting that every room hold a testament to Gerard’s hard work.

Any minute now, that girl will come rushing back out the castle steps crying because it wasn’t her, she wasn’t the prince’s one true love. How important does she think she is to think she could ever be good enough for his prince?

Ray guides the girl in with a gentle nod of his head. He’s still hoping that one of these girls will be the one, which is stupid, because Gerard knows that she’s never coming. Frank would have noticed her, surely. He’s the smartest man Gerard’s ever known, of course Frank would know her when he saw her.

It’s dreadful to say that Gerard’s given up, but he has. He knows Frank too well to think that a girl he’s never met could ever be his one true love. Maybe one of these girls really was meant to be for him, but a kiss wouldn’t work if Frank didn’t know he loved her first. That’s the kind of person he was.

Was.

Frank is now a was. He’s no longer an is. He’s a was.

Pretty soon, they’re going to stop allowing Gerard to tend the garden. If water becomes scarce, they won’t have any to waste on some measly flowers. He’s not going to let that happen. Gerard will trek to the nearest lake, river, or ocean every single day without sleep in order to get the water to grow Frank’s favorite flowers. Because, what if, by some unimageable miracle, Frank wakes up and there are no flowers to greet him?

Gerard stays seated on these steps, watching his breath form a white cloud every time he exhales, but he doesn’t feel the cold. He doesn’t feel much of anything. Maybe he never will again.

She comes running out of the steps only a few minutes later, with her hands to her eyes, as soft sobs run through her, sobs that don’t even rip out of her like they should, like the ones that put Gerard to sleep every night. Her tears are vapid, she’s not the one. That’s not why you should be crying for Frank. Cry because he is the most amazing man in all the kingdoms, and cry because he can’t ever wake up.

~*~*~*~

He’s just received the news. As much as the King would like for Gerard to stay on at the palace, it would simply be irresponsible for a kingdom in drought to waste so much water on the flowers. Gerard had known it was coming. He refuses to accept it. He puts the kaffir lilies into the vase beside Frank’s bed, worrying that these are the last offering he’ll be able to give to Frank. He’s going to find a way to keep the flowers growing. At least enough to keep filling the room. He hopes.

Gerard knows it’s unrealistic. He’ll be in a lot of trouble if he starts literally draining a precious resource. But it breaks his heart in two to think about the sadness that would be in Frank’s face were the flowers to stop growing.

It’s been six months since he went to sleep. What should have been winter has come and gone. It was blisteringly cold, but there was no snow. Instead, everything had frozen up, the entire kingdom a dry, helpless place. Few girls were able to trek their way to the palace to even offer up their love to the prince, but it’s not like it would matter.

Gerard sighs, and sits himself on the bed right next to Frank. His sleeping face is devastatingly handsome, but more than that, it’s just devastating. Gerard has not been as frequent a visitor to his room as one would expect, because he’s been far too sad to see him. He only comes in to change out the flowers once they begin to fray and wilt.

It’s a Sunday, so they aren’t taking visitors, which means Frank will be all by himself until tomorrow when he’s sure more girls who think they’re the one find out that they’ve been kidding themselves.

Gerard looks at his soft face. Frank is so pale; he hasn’t seen the sun for real in half a year. He doesn’t look any thinner than he did when he went to sleep, so that might be part of the magic. His cheeks don’t have any color to them, but you can sit and watch his chest rise and fall. Gerard puts a hand on his chest just to feel it. He needs to know Frank is still breathing, even if it doesn’t really matter anyhow.

His skin isn’t warm, in fact, even through his shirt, Gerard can feel that he’s cold. The only indicator that this man is still alive is the feel of his chest, which Gerard savors.

Why is it better that he’s alive, never to be awoken than it would be if he were dead? Is that what that old crone had wanted to do in the first place? She wanted the entire kingdom to have hope, because hope keeps you thinking something good might happen. But really, that witch never intended for this story to have a happy ending. Maybe Frank doesn’t actually have a true love at all. Maybe that’s the game. That Frank is unlovable. She gave everyone a hope that the curse could be broken as long as he finds his true love, but she doesn’t exist.

Gerard had thought that the tears were behind him, but he catches a loud harsh sob in his throat, which physically pains him. He puts his head into his hands and leans away from Frank so that he can cry into them. And he cries and cries and cries. For an hour, maybe two, Gerard just cries next to Frank. Every few minutes, there will be a minute of pause where he stops, thinks that they’ve subsided, but then, the tears come back.

“This is all your fucking fault, you piece of shit,” Gerard says to Frank, turning to again look at his stupidly attractive face. No one has the right to look that beautiful, least of all not a man who’s as good as dead.

“You couldn’t just fall in love and be happy. No, you had to be a picky son of a bitch.” Gerard prods at his shoulder, like he would if he were waiting for Frank to respond to him, which he doesn’t do.

“You’re still picky. Girls are traipsing through here every damn day, and you just sit there like a pathetic little fucker.”

“They come in here and they kiss you, and you just lie there, because you’re stupid,” Gerard tells him. He puts his hand in Frank’s hair, he doesn’t know why, he just wants to. His hair is still soft, as if he had washed it just yesterday. He doesn’t have any real bodily functions, doesn’t need to eat or piss, so he’s literally as perfect as the day he went to bed, his 21st birthday. “They kiss your stupid fucking face, when they’re not in love with you, while the people who really do love you have to just look at you all the time and know you’re never coming back.”

Why won’t Frank listen to him? Why won’t he wake up so that he can threaten to put Gerard in the stocks? Why doesn’t Frank wake up to tell him to smile like he always used to? Why doesn’t Frank just wake up?

No one has called him Gee in half a year. No one has told Gerard how pretty his flowers are, or at least, no one has meant it the way Frank always did. No one has even really made a joke in Gerard’s direction at all. No one in the kingdom jokes, smiles, or laughs anymore, not with Frank in this state, but especially not Gerard. It’s very clear that Gerard has taken it worse than anyone else. Not even Frank’s own father, the King, has a comprehension of the pain Gerard feels when he looks upon his best friend.

“Fuck you, Frank. You know that I care about you, don’t you, dumbass? I care about you more than anyone in the world does. More than Ray, more than your dad, more than literally anyone. Why don’t you wake up for me?” Gerard says, and maybe just to prove a point he kisses Frank’s cheek like all those girls have done. “Wake up for me, you stupid fucking shit.”

Gerard starts crying again, practically draping himself over Frank’s body as he cries right against his chest, wishing that Frank’s warmth could seep into him and make him feel a little less alone.

…his warmth?

“It’s going to be the gallows for that sort of language.” The voice is very soft, and croaky, from months and months of disuse. Gerard’s crying halts, almost like someone has strangled him. He lifts himself up, hair in his own face, so he has to brush it aside so that he can meet those big brown eyes.

“Frank?” Gerard’s voice sounds so soft that he’s not sure if it was even audible.

“You’re my one true love, aren’t you?” Frank asks, looking very soft and sleepy, and barely even awake, which isn’t fair considering how much sleep he fucking got.

“I absolutely fucking am not,” Gerard says, something like repulsion in his voice.

Frank uses a very sleep hand to pull Gerard’s face to his and this time, though Gerard could not tell you at all how it comes to be so, his lips meet Frank’s own lips. Gerard’s never kissed anyone before, so he supposes it’s possible that all kisses feel as perfect as this one, but he also thinks it might be unlikely.

“Oh yeah,” Frank says when his smiling breaks the kiss, “I think you fucking are.”

“I am not,” Gerard says, being the one to kiss Frank this time. He doesn’t know what emotions he’s feeling right now. He’s feeling a lot of them. All of the emotions. Every last one. Rage, passion, sorrow, pride, happiness. The lot of them.

“Those flowers are very pretty,” Frank says.

“Fuck you,” Gerard responds. Frank has sat up in bed, when did that happen? Neither of them knows. Gerard is still kissing him; Frank is kissing him back. Softly, then angrily, because Gerard is furious with this piece of shit who had the nerve to go and fall in love with Gerard. This absolute motherfucker who would dare be Gerard’s one true love. Of course he’s not going to fall in love with a girl, they should’ve both realized no one else but him could be the one. Why didn't this stupid dipshit realize that they were made for each other? If he had, Gerard would have been saved from a lot of sadness and turmoil. Absolute piss for brains.

A voice comes screaming down the halls, a voice that comes from Ray. “It’s raining, Gerard, fuck, ow, stubbed my toe. Gerard, it’s raining, it’s actually raining!” There’s a lot of thudding before the door is whacked open by an overly excited Ray who’s here to tell Gerard what will probably the only good news for the rest of their entire lifetimes.

The two of them only pull away because they can sense something important is happening, though neither of them have a clue what Ray had just been screaming, or why it could ever be important in comparison to them kissing each other.

“What the fuck?” Ray says, as he’s stood in the doorway looking at a conscious prince.

“Have I missed much?” Frank smiles widely, and god, it’s that look, those pretty teeth bared, on that pretty face that finally allows what Frank has dubbed the brightest smile in the entire kingdom to return to Gerard’s face.

#Frerard #frerard fanfiction #Mcr #My Chemical Romance #fanfic #fanfiction #fic #new fic #Helena hathaway #Archive of our own #wattpad #my chemical romance fanfiction #mcr fanfiction #ao3 #gerard way #frank iero

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rachelthompsonauthor · 4 years

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The past two quarantine months have been like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime, and I turned 56 in January. So rather than regurgitate what you’ve likely read in the news or on social media, I’ve decided to share how I’ve spent my time these past two months along with random thoughts. I hope you’ll continue along with me as I share what I’m doing each week.

Books

Oh, how I’ve missed reading! With my business so insanely busy (for which I’m truly grateful) these past few years, I’ve barely had time to read little more than Slack, emails, texts, and social media updates. Not exactly satisfying for this lifelong, avid reader. This quarantine has allowed me a little bit of extra time, which I’ve put to good use.

In no particular order, here’s what I’ve read:

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow is fantastic. Read it in one sitting because I didn’t want any of the details of this lacy, incredibly intricate work to fade. I highly recommend it. A mix of fantasy, drama, and a love story (because in the end, aren’t all stories love stories?), anyone with a working brain will love this novel.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng is also superb. I’d heard about this book for a while, yet only got around to it because it’s also now a mini-series on Hulu (which I watched afterward – also very good, though the character arcs and the plot changed in crucial, at times startling, ways).

Curious if you’ve read the book and watched the series, what your thoughts are? I could write an entire post about it, yet I’ll only share this…

As a child, my parents hire a housekeeper. My folks both work full-time and we are not in any way rich or well-off. Neither of my folks has college degrees – Dad is an assistant manager at a chain drugstore and Mom has just completed x-ray tech school and works nights at San Bernardino County Hospital. We live in a small house on a long street in the smoggy Inland Empire of California.

There are two of us, my older sister and me. Then my mom gets pregnant when I’m nine and has my baby sister when I’m ten. My folks advertise for a housekeeper and Miss Louise answers. She’s African American and willing to work for the little they can pay her. She smokes a lot (outside only, so as “not to hurt the babies”), insists on wearing a uniform though my mom tells her it isn’t necessary and comes looking for us in her big old white Caddy if we aren’t home from school exactly 20 minutes after it lets out.

(Miss Louise’s husband’s name is George. If you are alive in the 70s and watch The Jeffersons, you understand why this is an endless source of amusement to my sister Caren and me.)

Being that young, neither Caren nor I understand what privilege means. We didn’t get whatever we wanted because my parents are always strapped, yet there is food on the table, and the lights are always on. Except for the occasional venture to Disneyland or Knott’s Berry Farm that one time (mom hated it), our vacations consist of driving to visit our Zayde (great-grandfather) in a nursing home in Santa Cruz, or some other relatives we don’t know somewhere in L.A. (I remember one great-aunt who drank. A lot.) We’d always stop at Cantor’s for a soup and sandwich (the highlight for us), and be back on the road. We don’t mind because it is anywhere but home.

Anyway – my entire point is that in Little Fires Everywhere – the show – Kerry Washington’s Mia is an artist who takes a maid job with Reese Witherspoon’s Elena Richardson’s family to keep an eye on her daughter Pearl, who is quite taken with the teenage Richardson clan. The racial and financial dichotomy is blatantly obvious: a rich family who’s seemingly got it all vs. a seemingly poor black single mother, which adds to the ‘fires’ mentioned in the title.

The book really made me think about my own privilege and despite how well my folks treated Louise, and how much we loved her, and she us, there would always be that wall. Granted, it was a business arrangement and my folks paid her for her services, and in truth, anyone could’ve answered the housekeeping ad. The fact that she was African American and we were white created a racial divide that’s undeniable.

The third book I read is Certain Cure by Jennifer Valoppi, also excellent. It’s the first in a series (parts two and three aren’t out yet, darn it). The novel chronicles the life of three generations of the Cummings family; Claire, a woman in her 70s who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, Helene, her television journalist daughter and Justin, the teenage grandson whose adoration of his “Grams” leads him to discover the dark secret behind the miracle technology that is not only curing Claire of her cancer but tempting his mother with eternal youth, as traditional medical industries wage war against the mysterious doctor from China who threatens them all.

I had no idea what to expect with this one, and I’m glad I read it. Valoppi is a former TV journalist from NYC so she knows her stuff. I’m not particularly religious (or scientific), yet I didn’t find either the science or religious stuff bogged me down. Fascinating read. I highly recommend it.

Movies and Shows

Gosh, so many. With four of us in the house (and two teens), it’s worth it to me to pay for Hulu and Netflix, Amazon Prime Video comes with my Amazon Prime membership already, plus my internet plan comes with AT&T Direct, Showtime, HBO, and other premium channels. For the amount of entertainment, it’s worth the money.

I watch movies and shows on my iPad at night, once I’m finally off my computer. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like a super loud TV with stereo surround-sound barking at me after a long day of noise and stress. So I go upstairs to my cozy bed, surround myself with blankets and pillows and cats, and snuggle in for a few hours to watch a movie or a few episodes of something I enjoy.

Another note: not a big ‘reality TV’ watcher, mostly because, as a writer, I prefer well-written shows. I also don’t like the negativity and yelling normally associated with those shows. That said, I do watch Vanderpump Rules (on Bravo) with my daughter (age 20). We bond.

Shows

Here’s what I’ve binged these past few quarantine months, show-wise (no links because you can Google):

Ray Donovan – ggggggreat! Heard it was wonderful, yet truly had no idea how awesome. Liev Schrieber is captivating as Ray. Flawed, human, sad, and, in case you don’t know, a childhood sexual abuse survivor (church abuse). I had no idea going in this would be a theme of the show, yet it was handled with care and truth. The entire supporting cast is also amazing. Every season is great. Watch it all. I hated to see it end.

Homeland – the first four or so seasons were mesmerizing. Then, I got bored. This last season had me falling asleep and then WHAM! that ending. Worth it.

Hunters – Good, not fantastically great. The twist in the last episode will get you, though.

Upload – Loved it! Thought it would be silliness (and in some places, it was, but that’s okay – we need a little silliness right now). Had a ton of heart which I love.

Bosch – come on, it’s Titus Welliver. He’s fantastic. This last season didn’t draw me in as much as the entire rest of the series, though. You?

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – terrific, all of it. Every season, every episode, every character.

Tales From The Loop – amazing. Anything having to do with time-travel or the bending of time, I’m a total sucker for. This hurt my brain in a good way.

The Feed – weird but good and thought-provoking.

Dark – by far, my favorite show year. A German show dubbed in English (you get used to it – don’t let that scare you off), this time-bending, decade-moving hit show spans two seasons and every episode is worth watching. And the music – my god. Amazing. Here’s a Spotify playlist link.

Movies

Parasite – thought-provoking. Took a while to get into it and then boom! It just goes full-on insanity. Well-written, well-acted, and the message of the movie is just, wow. No spoilers in case you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

Hustlers – loved it. Whatever issues people have with strip clubs and ‘dancers,’ get over it. These girls are amazingly talented, are in amazing shape, and work hard to make money for their families. What I loved the most about the movie is that it’s all about the women; the men are only there as a plot device. It’s a movie entirely shot through the ‘female gaze’ (though of course, men will enjoy the dance scenes which are sexy, yet not unclothed). How many movies can say that?

Memento – I think I’m probably one of the few people who had never seen this neo-noir psychological thriller starring Guy Pearce looking like Brad Pitt (who was originally considered for the role). It was great, I think? LOL. My brain still hurts.

Call Me By Your Name – Lovely, sad, gorgeous. (And I will not make a juvenile peach joke.) And the music! Oh, my.

Zombieland – I hate zombies, I hate horror movies. I hate gore and squishy sounds. This movie was cute. (Not ready for the sequel, yet.)

Music

As mentioned above, the music in Dark sent me off on a ‘who are these talented musicians?’ lark. I’ve discovered so many. Here is who I’m listening to right now (all free on Spotify) and links provided here:

Apparat (you’ll recognize the opening theme of Dark and stay for the rest).

Agnes Obel – wondrous. I’ve played her entire catalog repeatedly since discovering her music on Dark. She’s become a commercial favorite as well now. Familiar is the song used in the show that’s received the most play.

Alev Lanz – otherworldly. I’ve not heard anyone like her. Her songs on the Dark soundtrack and Black Mirror are what she’s most noted for (May The Angels, and Fall Into Me, respectively), however, I love all of her work. Her harmonies are like nothing else. One song is layered with her voice and African throat singers – it’s gorgeous (May The Angels). She’s active on Twitter and we’ve interacted a few times. She’s beautifully transparent about her love of music and it shows in all her work.

Patrick Watson – I heard this song, Good Morning Mr. Wolf, on the Ray Donovan soundtrack and immediately clicked my SoundHound app. Who is this talented being? This song, in particular, sounds so large and cinematic – I wondered – is he is a film composer? (yes). A band? (yes). And so much more. I cannot get enough of all of his music, and still, I play this one song on repeat – repeatedly.

London Grammar – I discovered this band a few years ago and still adore them. Strong is still my favorite song, though Rooting For You is a close second. Hannah Reid’s vocals are big and beautiful.

Hilary Woods – ethereal and lovely. Especially the song Kith.

Sufjan Stevens – many of us just discovered him from the movie Call Me By Your Name soundscore, however, he’s been a working musician since the early 2000s. Talented beyond.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here. I made a Female Rockers list on Spotify which you’re welcome to.

Thoughts on Quarantine

My Business

Living in California, I’ve barely left the house in two months, with the exception of going to the pharmacy for meds or for the occasional physician appointment for me or the kids, because of the quarantine restrictions in place. And I’m okay with that.

I’m fortunate that my business is primarily online-only: I work with authors and small businesses on their branding, marketing, and promotion, so given that all real-life events are off the table, I’ve been quite busy working with my clients to ensure their products and services are still viable.

This doesn’t mean I don’t need help as a small business. I applied for an SBA loan and couldn’t even get onto the website the first time – it was pretty ridiculous – like the end scene in Beetlejuice. You all know who those first small business loans went to, right? Not small-potatoes people like me. So the second time around, it went much smoother, and I’m grateful to have received a small loan which will definitely help me keep going with rent, insurance, and other expenses.

I still did my annual non-profit initiative for writers, NaNoProMo (National Novel Promotion Month) this year over on my business site, BadRedhead Media, yet only for two weeks instead of the entire month. Daily blog posts from experts on everything publishing-related plus amazing giveaways. It’s always exhausting, yet I find enormous gratification in helping writers.

This year, however, getting writers to comment to win amazing, FREE giveaways was like pushing a house up a hill. I get it – people are focused on putting food on the table instead of commenting on blog posts, even if the giveaways were worth $500. That’s why I wanted to do this initiative this year – to help writers who are in a jam – yet only a smattering of writers participated.

I’m seriously rethinking if I want to do it next year given the financial cost as well as the personal toll. My first therapist, who I started seeing after I gave birth to my daughter Anya (I was terrified to leave her to go back to work, given my history with childhood sexual abuse), gave me this tip whenever I had trouble deciding whether to do something:

“If you ever aren’t sure if you should do something, ask yourself this question: Is this good for Rachel? If the answer is yes, do it. If the answer is no, don’t. It really is that simple.”

Self-care, y’all.

Social Media

I’ve stopped interacting with the crazies on social media (and who knows, maybe you’re one of them so truly, no offense), but I’d rather stay safe and keep my family safe by working exclusively at home – which I mostly do anyway – than venture back into face-to-face meetings with clients. I support four people with my business and if something happens to me, four people are doomed.

So the answer is simple to me: stay home, work from home, and don’t risk dying from this virus.

I don’t buy into any of this ridiculous conspiracy crap. Sorry, not sorry. You can if you want to. Spending time arguing with people online about it takes away time from my business, my kids, my guy, and my own sanity. Speaking of which…

Mental Health

There were a few mix-ups with my meds when this all started, and I couldn’t get my prescriptions filled and delivered before I ran out, so I ended up having about a week of insomnia which I’ve never had to deal with. I was a zombie (the non-squishy kind) and it sucked.

If you have insomnia, I’m sorry. I feel for you.

It’s all straightened out now, thank goodness. My son Lukas and I donned our masks and drove to the local CVS the other day because I couldn’t wait two days for my meds to be delivered. It felt like walking into a dystopian future walking in there: everyone in masks, tape six feet apart for the waiting line, plexiglass between us and the cashiers.

I’m thankful for these measures, of course, and wonder how long we’ll need them, or if this is our new normal?

My Writing

I finished the final edits on Broken People and sent it back to my editor. She’s had some health issues, so the delay is understandable. To be honest, I’m not in a huge hurry to launch a new book right now. Here are the questions that run through my mind:

Do people have money to purchase a new book?

If they do, will they want to read my new book?

If they do want to read my new book, will they take the money they do have to read mine, and then review it?

Does it even matter in the grand scheme of life?

I’m an author just like any author – I want to get my work out there so people can read it, engage with it, connect with me. I hope they’ll like it, feel something, reflect on their own lives, learn something new, particularly about being a childhood sexual abuse survivor. It’s a weird limbo to be in right now.

Our New Normal

This phrase is bandied about quite a lot yet let’s face it: it’s life as we know it, now. The anxiety is real, too. I haven’t hugged or kissed my elderly parents who live two miles away in two months. I bring them toilet paper and cookies from our favorite bakery (drive up and trunk drop off, pay online only) and drop it on their porch.

All these scenarios run through my mind: If I go to do this, what happens if? I know I’m not the only one. And yet, we can’t predict anything. So I sit here, writing this post, safe inside my little house bubble, grateful I can pay my rent, put food on the table (delivered by Instacart, thankfully), and everyone around me is healthy.

What’s your new normal? What have you been reading, watching, and listening to? If you’ve stuck it out this far, I thank you. Would love to hear your comments! Safe hugs, y’all.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

The post This is How To Spend Quarantine With Me appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 4 years

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Magia Record 4

There’s a fish behind Iroha. Also, I was confused about the ketchup cake thing Jenn mentiond in one of her posts until I saw it here.(On a related note, ketchup cake seems to really exist…but only in Canada.)

Ah! Tsuruno. I’ve heard of her from reading around about this mobage.

The coding of the episode went funny again…

I feel like despite this being everything Madoka was, this seems to have lost some of the charm somehow. I’ve been reading that others are having similar experiences, though. Update: I think I know why now…although there are magical girl events fuelling the entire thing, the show is currently more bent on being a CGDCT. That’s why I’m not so happy with it…I dunno about others, though.

I suspected Séance Shrine was Mizuna Shrine…I mean, it was right behind Iroha and co.

Who was that blonde girl…?

I thought I just saw face-stealing aliens swoop in (i.e. someone didn’t bother drawing in the girls’ faces). I thought that was just a Bones thing exclusive to BSD.

“Olibe oil” (sic). Also, there are creepy blue (green?) figures walking the aisles…

I notice Iroha needed an extra bounce to get over the gate.

What’s that orange marking on the girls’ faces…? Update: Reading the wiki reveals it’s the Witch’s Kiss, or something similar to it.

Uchitama 3

Well, it says “chome” but gets translated to “street”…which is a bit weird. A chome is a city district, which functions much like a street but isn’t the same.

I just realised the title card has a dog’s face on it. Maybe next time it’ll be a cat’s face…

Oh my gosh, it’s a Yu-Gi-Oh duel! Teenager-ness…(?) What is that (LOL)?! *squints at screen* Oh, chuunibyou. That makes sense.

They even materialised the (Gon’s) chair! (LOL)

At least this matchup isn’t Bull vs. Momo…thank goodness(!)

I seriously love how much skin they make Bull show…(LOL…?)

Well, if the race to the top is exciting then the race to the bottom should be humiliating, no? That’s how these things work.

LOL, just seeing a badass dude that’s meant to represent a wolf howling like one is hilarious. (But seriously, are any of these neighbourhood dogs a Bad Enough Dude, to paraphrase an old game meme?)

Don’t Naruto run, Pochi! It’s dangerous!

Ahhhhhhh, so that’s why people call Pochi “Shiro” and feed him tofu…

The video got encoded funny again…

Uchitama 4

This is like Wakasa all over again…

The “My Name is Gon” title is a reference to “I Am a Cat” (Wahagai wa Neko de Aru). It actually doesn’t have the word for “name” in there, which is a bit weird…Update: It’s about the day-to-day introspection and life of a cat and the wagahai suggests the cat thinks rather highly of himself, so I’d assume the former (applied to a dog of course), if not both of those things to be part of this.

The fact that Gon doesn’t move his mouth while telling us weird things (such as how Bull’s sweater reminds him of an old lady in Osaka) is hilarious. It’s almost like a play with Gon as narrator.

See? That titlecard has a different dog’s face now! (I believe it’s Kuro’s, actually.)

This series is actually really informative about cats and dogs!

The Detective Conan parody cat is pretty interesting in regards to how the series wants to play with the human/animal dichotomy.

Now the titlecard has a cat’s face.

This song is so energetic! The banners are pretty funny too – I mean, “trying to get a ripped body” is impossible for a dog, right?

Yyyyyyyyup, Ume is singing this song (Sanchome no Hoshi* or The Star of 3rd District*)! I’m being spoilt!

Eizouken 5

Iron Giant…I thought the name sounded familiar. Turns out it’s a Brad Bird-directed movie.

This episode is very Scott...LOL.

I like how they showed the back of the guy to correspond with the back of the robot.

Iruma 17

Gap = sukima, as you might know from a post I made re: Mairimashita! Iruma-kun puns.

“Yes, boss!” in English.

Why do people being questioned at a koban always have katsudhum? (Hataraku Maousama reference)

Ooh, this long-haired demon from the Game or New Magic battler is hot!!!

That's the 1st time Acchan and Bakemi appear...

I'd assume the ga in Gabuko means gakkou (school).

Now it's ki su ma...(instead of sukima)

Iruma 18

Aw, Kiriwo's so cute...

...and he's now a sadist. (Good job, me...I don't like sadists much.)

The cyclops girl's name is Dosanko, huh?

Hanabi are "fire flowers" (translating somewhat literally), which is why they "bloom" in the translation.

Update: Oh, I accidentally skipped ep. 17. I was wondering how Sabro got to hold up Comecome's stall…

BnHA 76

I’m not sure how the subbers got “Go entropy! Plus Chaos!”, although it might have something to do with Saikou da! (which I made out from listening to the audio).

Okay, now you can hear them say “Plus Chaos”.

Note Overhaul’s eyecatch background is purple, which contrasts Deku’s green. By the way, the eyecatch says that Overhaul belongs to the Shie Hassaikai and not the League…the guy’s always been picky about not being associated with the League.

The one time I turn the volume off, I don’t need it (LOL).

Dame da is closer to “It’s useless” or “You’re useless” than “Naughty girl”, subbers.

The coronavirus has taught me that masks make people seem less human, especially those with weird mouths like Overhaul’s plague doctor/bird one.

BnHA 77

In one of the Discord servers where Mudamaid appears, I decided to take Chronostasis. Why? He isn’t that bad-looking when he hasn’t got his mask on, to be real with you.

Froppy uses “senpai”, not Tamaki’s hero name.

I believe Tamaki calls Tsuyu “Kero-chan”, hence “Miss Ribbit”.

I wanna cry…I know Nighteye won’t see All Might again until All Might himself dies…(and this is because I’ve read the manga – thanks Viz and Shonen Jump for doing that!)

Shigaraki makes me beg the question…where do those hands of his come from??? Update: Ewwwwwwwww, those hands come from individuals affected by Tomura’s Quirk! (I think that’s a spoiler though…)

I almost got to the point of crying. I mean, I knew it would happen, but seeing it animated…makes it worse, y’know??? (Also, I accidentally might’ve stuck my finger in my eye when I was trying to wipe away tears, so either way, I teared up.)

BnHA 78

Huh? This OP is awfully cheerful after Nighteye’s death…I think it’s called Star Maker? Update: Star Marker by Kana Boon.

Well, you do realise I don’t know about anything after this point…all over again. So your surprise will be mine too.

LOL , it’s a Titan! (Apparently – according to the wiki pages I read – Gigantomachia is based on the Titans of lore, so…that’s true in more than one sense when you take into account Attack on Titan.)

The birbs are so cute!

That was just a few solid minutes of recap. Not as bad as Detective Conan where they frontend it, but still bad.

Hmm? I thought I saw black hair on Kurogiri…?

“He’s a walking disaster.” – That’s what I’d say about Bakugou, LOL.

Shouto “Daddy Issues” Todoroki taking the stage again…not that I mind, but…isn’t this Midoriya’s story?

I think I saw a Funko Pop All Might in the ED…?

You can see someone with a red wing Quirk. Based on what I’ve read around, that guy is Hawks.

Deku’s shirt at the end says “sheets”, not “shirt” (it’s missing a small ya).

BnHA 79

“…and I like udon better!” - *facepalm* That’s not how you make friends, Yoarashi.

Gang Orca’s like the Gordon Ramsay of heroes…with much less swearing.

*laughs behind hands as kids spill out the door* Welp, this is going to be real good.

This blonde kid is basically Monoma ver. 2!!! I hate him already!!!

Oh…that’s surprisingly strategic, Bakugou…*shows image of kid being dangled by a rope* Uh…or maybe not.

Who’s this guy with the bolo tie, anyway…?

Uchitama 5

I seriously thought this cat was Nora…(Sakura)

Does “big sister” refer to Lilly or another cat…?

Oh, I was wondering why Sakura didn’t have a cat tail…turns out she’s a pig. (Huh. It reminds me of a kinder version of the Africa Salaryman mixer joke.)

I like how open the series is in regards to interspecies love. Then again,…bestiality is an absolute no-no in my books, so maybe not.

Is it just me, or is there a slight bruise around Nora’s left eye…?

It’s like a Boueibu reunion! Shirai and Ume at the baths! Yay~!

There’s something absolutely silly about seeing anime boys hide in cupboards like cats. It puts a stupid smile on my face, like Eizouken does.

“I told you to get in the bath already!” – Gaddammit, Koma!

How do Gon’s glasses not fog up in the bath? (MST3K mantra required)

Oh, Nora does have a bruise around his eye! What’s it from, though?

Way to upsell Koma’s services, Kuro. (partially sarcastic…?)

“Can I say we’re having a doggone good time?” – Remind me to check what that sounds like in Japanese later. Update: Kuro says something that sounds lik izoizo in the line beforehand and then matches it in this line. In order to match the puns, there’s a pun in the English translation too.

ID: Invaded 5

Matsuoka’s glasses thing reminds me of Kanamori (Eizouken)…

“hole experience” – Is that a pun…?

Never ask a woman her age.

Hmm…”maidenly innocence”…

Why do some people believe “never mind” is one word???

I just noticed there’s a differently coloured bar on the title card…maybe that’s how far into the episode you should be. Also, is this well a pun on “falling for you”?

I noticed the blood had a weird texture to it. Also, I noticed the woman had heterochromia bfore it was pointed out she’s not real.

I have a theory. See, John(nie) Walker is an alcohol (sake) brand, right? This is Sakaido (as opposed to Anaido, who’s the Perforator and ana = hole). It’s the same character, so (I suspect) Sakaido’s crime has to do with alcohol…

Hmm…this ain’t gonna pass the Bechdel test after all…

Oh! Post-credits segment! Keep watching.

ID: Invaded 6

“Matsuoka was injured” – Er, he still has the knife in him…?

Ohhhhhh…this has gotta be Hondomachi!

I predict Hondomachi and Sakaido are going to go head-to-head someday. Update: Or those two vs. Johnnie Walker.

There was a cut-off footprint…

Isn’t it possible for a person to kill someone without knowing their name?

*cries* Sakaido! I’ve never seen you so emotional before…!

ID: Invaded 7

So Narihisago did look like Sakaido at one point…when his daughter was murdered.

The thing that reads cognition particles has “Back ground. Rad. Lev.” on the bottom of its screen.

I don’t have the sound on right now, so I dunno what Matsuoka was reacting to specifically…(aside from the guy owning up to whatever was done.)

Interestingly, Katsuyama has the character for “win” in his name. However, this is the only link I’ve found between the serial killers and their names.

There’s a character which appears in both the word for “martial arts” and one of the (dead) professional fighters – Takehiko Fujita. It means stuff like “war” and “military power”.

Oh! There’s a bar on the titlecard and this one is up to 900 of 1200…I wonder what that means? Is that an indication of time, perhaps? Also in the bottom left, “CAM 025”.

Miyo Hijiriido?! Oh my gosh! This is new, indeed!

Okay, so the characters for Miyo look like this: 聖井戸御代 The first character in “Miyo” is the same one that denotes “go” in goryoushin (formal way to denote “parents”) and similar words in keigo. The characters which aren’t “well” (water well) are the character for “saint/holy” and “age” (as in the period of time, alternatively “generation”), aside from the one I’ve already discussed. Therefore, I’d suggest Miyo is actually “the great detective [who ushers in a new] age” or “the great detective [of the current] age”. Update: Apparently Miyo means “age of a ruler”, as in the period of their reign (specifically referring to the emperor if it needs to be). I’ve heard there’s specific words in the Japanese language used only to refer to the imperial family…this is probably one of them. That specific name combo (as “odai”) is also a very polite way to refer to spare change, although that doesn’t seem very useful to know.

What’s that thing on Tamotsu’s wrist…? (A watch? Wouldn’t that be illegal in a prison like this?)

Interestingly, all other killers wear white. Narihisago is the only one in black (or brown…or whatever colour that is).

What would Miyo need a key for? The key to the mystery, or a physical key?

I don’t think you can see Narihisago’s face in any of the pics he has of Muku or his wife.

Ooh…Sakaido’s pretty ripped. (Me likey…not that I would like a killer…)

Why is Sakaido…or I should say Narihisago…dead in his own imagination, huh?

Hmm…Miyo wears a black singlet or sleeveless top of some sort under that cape...poncho…Holmes cosplay thing. She still has a gun in her detective form, too.

Notably, no detective wears a skirt in this world…*sigh* So much for Nancy Drew and Miss Marple…

Muku has smiley faces on her hair decs.

Does that mean you’ve met the real Muku…? (I think this is Momoki speaking about Muku.) Update: It might be Habutae, actually. I never really got a grasp on the names of the peanut gallery.

Hondomachi’s never seen the cockpit in real life, right?

Well-ception! (It’s a bit of a joke that when there’s something in something, I call it [X]ception as a homage to Inception.)

Table flip! That meme hasn’t been around for a while, come to think of it…

I find it interesting that they point to the circles of the roof when talking about pi. As you know, the circle and pi are related.

Hmm? I don’t remember seing the quote “Let us try to make this world a better place” in this episode…

#simulcast commentary #uchi tama?! uchi no tama shirimasen ka?#uchitama?! have you seen my tama?#keep your hands off eizouken!#Eizouken ni wa Te wo Dasu Na!#Boku no Hero Academia #My Hero Academia #ID: Invaded #mairimashita! iruma kun #Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun #Magia Record #Chesarka watches ID: Invaded #Chesarka watches MI-k #Chesarka watches BnHA #Chesarka watches Uchitama #Chesarka watches Magia Record #Chesarka watches Eizouken

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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Well, first of all I loved his outfit. It’s similar enough to what he wore in BBS to make it feel like Isa, but still felt fresh. It looked like something a fashionable young person would wear. It’s based on a Roen-Gackt collaboration design. Nomura sure loves Gackt, lol. So Isa was considered important enough to get a lot of care put into his new outfit. This collaboration was probably done a long time in advance, like with FFVersus XIII. I’m sure Isa’s backstory was supposed to be WAY more fleshed out so that his character would make a MUCH stronger impression on the player by the end of KH3. So, the outfit was kinda wasted in a way. Isa’s whole character was just wasted potential, though.

In a room made of white marble, a large mirror reflected Demyx as he prepared to leave for the mission. He took particular care with his hairstyle, painstakingly manipulating the brown strands with a comb to make them stand straight up. Saïx observed him from behind with what appeared to be distaste. In stark contrast to Demyx, Saïx left his long blue hair unstyled. The X-shaped scar on his forehead was all the style he needed.

Having an outfit based on a J-pop star might tell us something about how Nomura originally viewed Isa’s personality. He actually seemed like a rather fashionable young man who took pride in his appearance. He even wore stud earrings. His style was different from other kids like Hayner, Pence, or Lea. Saïx didn’t have any interest in his appearance. But Isa certainly seemed like the type to style his hair and then some. For some reason, I picture him ironically spending even MORE time in front of the mirror than Demyx. Especially post-KH3. Isa was already shy. I think he would probably struggle with insecurity over having a scar covering most of his face. So, he would try even harder to compensate with nice clothes and accessories.

The KH3 ending outfit really doesn’t fit someone like Saïx, who had such a harsh and dreary personality. I can’t see Saïx choosing to wear anything like that outfit. Way too youthful and trendy. And definitely not the star and moon accessory, either. He’d throw up at the cute little moon on Isa’s BBS outfit. Isa obviously was supposed to have such a different personality than Saïx. I bet Isa is going to be SUCH an awkward character going forward, because they’ll feel obligated to keep his Saïx personality traits, which will clash so badly with the rest of his character. He’ll be this pseudo-villain/quasi-good guy that just will feel so out of place in a series like this. It breaks my heart.

A great number of Nobodies have lost human form, as have the Heartless. Yet the Nobody born of someone with a strong heart retains its shape, with but the faintest visible changes.

As far as the rest of his design goes, I thought it was pretty lazy. In my opinion, Isa’s character design needed much more of an update than what he got. Kairi looked more different after her haircut than Isa did in the ending. If anyone deserved to look different for KH3, it was him. But…he still looked almost exactly like Saïx to me. He has a bit more color to his hair and face, and his scar is faded. But that’s about it. Which I guess was intentional. Why bother changing his look? It seems like they gave up on whatever plan they originally had for Isa to be his own character who was totally distinct from Saïx. They’re gonna just pretend that he wasn’t Norted and treat him like he was the same as Axel. Which sucks.

Axel and Riku get along very well somehow. Since Riku has become a figure of Ansem, I don’t speak much with him, but he laughs like a different person when he eats Ice cream with Axel. Axel says he “Laughs to face bad feelings”, but it seems that Riku isn’t a bad person. At that Axel said ‘don’t laugh when you’ve got a gross face’, but Riku didn’t seem all that annoyed.

Also, Axel really liked sea-salt ice cream. You’ve eaten sea salt ice cream ever since you moved to that house. I wonder how you don’t break your stomach! It felt like he ate them to an unthinkable extent. Axel ate so much ice cream that the freezer in the computer room emptied every day.

Now as a villain, Saïx had a very cool design. He was handsome and had long hair, but...he looked mean and scary. He was supposed to. He WAS mean and scary. He was Xemnas’ right-hand man, after all. And if he was Norted, this makes sense. He was envisioned as a sociopathic guy who has bouts of uncontrollable bloodlust when exposed to moonlight. I like Saïx’s design. He was pale and almost vampire-looking? Or maybe Addam’s family. He was created as a bad guy. The whole idea was that he was a scary, unapproachable dude. He was sinister and creepy. Yet ironically his original self was the polar opposite. It made for a pretty cool twist, IMO.

“…Aw, is it good?” Axel teased. “Seriously, you’re like a little kid. Even though you look like a mean old man.” Riku made no response, keeping his gaze fixed on the computer screen. The comment did rub him the wrong way. But mentally, Axel was definitely older than him by at least a little. Not that you could tell from looking.

They were clearly going for a VERY different vibe with Isa. When I first played BBS, I thought that the visual difference between Isa and Saïx was extremely noticable. Isa looked a lot softer, sweeter and more friendly. The idea behind Saïx's design was: harsh and scary. The idea of a cute bunny rabbit representing his personality was supposed to be absurd. Saïx would be utterly disgusted if he was seen as “cute”. But the idea behind Isa's design was: cute and innocent. And Isa was indeed a little cutie. And he was innocent, too.

Saïx: We'll ensure he receives the maximum punishment.

Axel: Okay, since you worked really hard today, you get a reward.

Saïx’s Casual Gear is called “Dessert Time,” but the localization named it “Just Desserts", and I thought that was very clever. To get one’s just desserts means to receive the appropriate punishment for one's actions. But sea-salt ice cream is supposed to be a treat to reward someone who did a good job.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!” And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

Saïx rarely smiles because he is cold and cruel. But he would smile when he’s giving Axel his just desserts.

“But sweet!” Lea added, and Isa smiled a bit. That was rare for him. Well, eating ice cream together, talking about silly stuff, laughing together—it was just what friends did.

Isa rarely smiles because he’s shy. But he would smile when he’s eating ice cream with Lea because he has a sweet tooth and loves dessert. It was such a cool idea. I loved it.

dichotomy

1. a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

2. the phase of the moon in which half its disk appears illuminated

Saïx’s Pandora Gear is called “Dichotomy” in the localization. Saïx had weapons called Lunatic, Berserker and Werewolf. The weapon representing his real personality is a bunny rabbit. The HUGE difference between Isa and Saïx was the whole point. My impression was that BBS wanted to emphasize as much as possible that Isa and Saïx were two very different people. And character design was one way they chose to do that. That dichotomy is what made Isa so interesting to me. If you want to make Isa his own character, you should go with a different character design, in my opinion.

“You’re in a pretty good mood,” Axel remarked. Riku glanced up.

“Seeing Sora just made you that happy, huh?”

“I don’t feel like telling you.” A little smile crossed Riku’s lips as he took another bite.

“Y’know, it’s creepy when you smile with that guy’s face,” Axel said dryly, following suit and nibbling on his own ice cream.

Silence fell over the room. He paused in his munching to stare hard at Riku, then finally asked, “What is Sora to you?”

The question caught Riku off guard. He groped for words. On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. “Sora and Riku are best friends.”

Like Terra, Isa was supposed to be cursed. Being Norted is no joke. That’s what a lot of the Beauty and the Beast parallels were about. Axel started teasing Riku for his ugly ass face the same time they were trying to figure out the organization’s next move. They were going to target those with strong hearts, and the Beast was one of those targets.

Belle nodded and silently walked out of the room. The trio went after her. The Beast was left alone with no company but the moonlight.

“You’re really just going to give up on everything now?” Sora said all at once. But the Beast only stared up at the moon.

Isa was supposed to be just as cursed as Riku was in KH2. And Riku changing his appearance fit perfectly with Lea and Isa’s story. Axel said Riku was creepy when he smiled with that face, and unfortunately that’s kind of how “Isa” made me feel in the KH3 ending. Since they took away the possession angle, I didn’t really see him as Isa. He still felt like Saïx to me. And seeing Saïx play and smile like that was kinda unsettling. And weird.

Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.

Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.

Probably for this very reason, I could tell that Nomura wanted to take a different direction with Isa’s character design after he decided to make him a good guy and Lea’s best friend. You can see what Nomura had in mind for an adult Isa based on his illustrations of Saïx for 358/2 Days and KH2FM+. He looks different than he did in his vanilla KH2 concept art. His features lean a lot more heavily toward Isa in BBS. I really wished KH3 went in this direction with his updated character design. He looks much more youthful here, like Axel does. Also, I loved the fact that his scar was gigantic. It went all the way from the top of his forehead to the bottom of his nose. In KH3, they stuck with the old Saïx design, so his scar was a lot smaller. I like the bigger scar because it really shows that he was treated like a human lab rat (of course that idea was scrapped, anyways).

Beside the Beast, who had once been a handsome prince, stood a man in a black cloak. “It’s time you dealt with the girl. She’s scheming to take everything you have,” said Xaldin, his hood pulled low to hide his face. “Your castle, your treasures…and then your very life.” The Beast hung his head. His castle was a desolate place, ruled by a monster.

“Trust no one. Feed your anger. Only rage will keep you strong!”

“I’ve had enough of strength. There’s only one thing I want…” The Beast gazed, unmoving, at the glass bell jar around a single red rose.

What he wanted was—

“Hah,” Xaldin spat. “To love and be loved in return? Who could ever love a beast?” The Beast whirled again, his cape rippling. He glared and let out a roar of fury.

“Good. Let your anger rise!” With that, Xaldin vanished.

Axel didn’t really see his best friend when he looked at Saïx. He felt like Isa went away and Saïx took his place. His relationship with Saïx was based on his memories of the past. He self-medicated with ice cream to cope. It was heartbreaking. After the scene where Axel was sad about his best friend going away, the chapter about the Beast’s Castle begins, describing him as a formerly handsome prince. So on that basis, I wish there was more visual differentiation between Isa and Saïx. Most of the fandom is just going to see Isa as the same mean old Saïx since there was no attempt to differentiate Isa’s personality from Saïx’s personality and they look exactly the same, too.

“I don’t trust you,” Saïx replied flatly, the enormous Claymore in his hand.

“Traitors like you deserve to lose everything,” Saïx said.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!”

They originally wanted Isa to have a distinct personality and appearance from Saïx—a lot more than just a new outfit. Isa was supposed to be a beautiful love interest cursed into being a beast. In the novel you can tell that Xigbar and Xaldin were pressuring Saïx to eliminate Axel. He was reluctant to do so on his own. Xigbar doubted whether he was even looking for Axel. Just like with the Beast, they were manipulating him to think Axel had been plotting to take everything from him. Deep down Saïx probably felt similar to the Beast. Like nobody could ever love him in his condition. I think that’s why he was so furious. Axel grew a heart, and then left him. But the only reason Axel grew a heart was because he remembered his feelings for Isa. It was a really cool idea. It's just a shame it never came to fruition.

#kh saix #kh isa #kingdom hearts #kh meta

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 7 - Meat Page 26

==>

Back on to Jade swimming into the singularity or something. (And trying to stop thinking that maybe Candy ends with a giant polyamorous relationship and/or orgy, because I don’t imagine Rose would have acted so tamely if that’s what she saw.)

Yes, Time is the complement of Space, that was already confirmed in comic if it wasn’t super incredibly obvious all along anyway.

Gah, I’m getting stomach cramps again.

Yeah, too much Space makes Time invisible and vice versa? Or...

Maybe Dave broke her heart a little, and he keeps doing it too, no matter how many different timelines they try out.

God damnit these CRAMPS. Reading further.

Like a garden, where Jade used to spend so much of her time with her hands in the earth and her head in the clouds, dreaming about flowers that bloomed in six colors and grew when she played them a song. Was that real? It’s hard to tell. But it made her happy, didn’t it?

FUCK are you going to start making me doubt the reality of the liFe we saw her living early in-comic????? Cut it out, it’s unsettling!

Alright, alt!Callie is taking the reins from Dirk on this narrative he so smugly thought he could completely consume. That’s good/bad.

slutty adult Jade

FUCKING YIKES!! FUCK YOU DIRK!

FUCK I DIDN’T NEED HER DEATH DESCRIBED IN SUCH DETAIL EITHER. Also alt!Callie’s really embodying Death here.

==>

Pff. Calliope’s writing the story now, in a sense, like she always kind of wanted.

Also pff, this version of her doesn’t know how to describe human stuff colorfully. :)

An adversarial dichotomy between your opposing goals, huh? This might end up as a “none of us can really write the ending” ending that DOES leave it up in the air for everyone else to decide instead.

Fuck, now you’re having THIS Jade suffer by proxy by experiencing the other Jade’s memories. This metatextual ascension’s happening to everyone isn’t it.

Yeah, she’s done it before and stuff--

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

FUCK.

my presence shall mitigate, if not altogether subdue, the corrosive effect on reality and the will of its occupants by those who would manipulate the way events are telegraphed for their own megalomaniacal objectives.

Well, fuck. Jade’s been temporarily hijacked for the rest of the story AGAIN, like back in Condesce days, this time as a plot device to keep Dirk from overreaching with his god powers and stepping over everyone’s wills like an Ultimate Riddle style villain. Dirk, I mean. Being the villain. And alt!Callie just doing what she has to to put this back on track. Man I HATE it when Jade’s will doesn’t get to be on full display. Her will is awesome. (Also, alt!Callie just tacitly confirmed that the will of reality’s occupants matters, if that wasn’t obvious already, so ha.)

despite his pretensions to a greater design, the prince of heart cannot be allowed to continue to exert unchecked control over the authoritative recitation of events on this side of my horizon. it cannot be overstated the extent to which he represents a threat to the continued existence of both this world and corporeal life itself.

Yeah, it was indeed looking that way earlier.

Ooh, alt!Callie is really spot-on with her pronoun use.

Alright, Dirk’s voice is shrinking away, and my stomach still feels half-clenched.

Wow, alt!Callie’s really mad at what Dirk’s been doing with this epilogue.

==>

“EPILOGUE FIVE”?????

Did I miss the titles for one, three, and four??? Yeah there were probably there and I just missed them or something.

Pfffff, John looks/smells like shit. :D

...too fresh??

Fuck you John for thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail isn’t a masterpiece. :P

terezi tips her head to one side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be an apt summation of her personality as well.

Niiiiice. Nice linguistic description of her “>:?” expression.

have no desire to interject thoughts into others’ minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind, however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts than i am willing to be.

Oh thank fucking god, I don’t have to question everyone’s thoughts anymore. Until Dirk comes back or something, I dunno.

Oh my fucking god, alt!Callie, you total voyeuristic nerd.

he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.

This is one very relatable snippet of text.

Feed Terezi Feed Terezi Feed Terezi

WHY is the gold tooth poisonous??????? ...Wait, Caliborn affixed it to his mouth intentionally. He had every right and motive to make it poisonous for no good reason. Ugh.

Beep beep, let’s find Vriska.

==>

WHAT

WHAT JANE

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

JESUS

Using Trickster Mode as a drug to further one’s political performance. That’s fucking horrifying. No wonder it was on the triggers list.

additionally, it prevents one from dwelling on any given personal problems, or the greater implications of any political statements one might make.

Pff, mhmm.

Problematic, huh? Jane seems like the slightly-old-fashioned sort of person who thinks it’s getting kind of ridiculously silly how much people are caring about stuff being “problematic”. And yet that stuff DOES matter, and ignoring it DOES hurt people, and she not only isn’t seeing that but is drugging herself to see it LESS with that goddamned lollipop. Holy shit.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

PFFF. Okay, so alt!Callie ISN’T above altering characters slightly from their narrative course when it comes to one of the few things she deems important. Heh.

Having “his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed”, huh? Does alt!Callie only mean the narrative, or maybe Rose too with whatever weird bullshit he did to her?

Uh, “while the seer both diminishes and ascends”??? D:

--Oh, oh shit. He was planning to NARRATIVE CONTROL Jake into going along with things. D: D:

Yeah, Jake would want to bang all the aliens, really.

Sendificator rifle, or something like that. Got it.

==>

How fucking long is this epilogue, anyway????? I mean, the length is appropriate from an objective point of view, I’m just frustrated because I’m going to have to spend every waking hour liveblog-reading it until I’ve reached the end or I’m likely to fucking explode, and I didn’t want this to be my entire day/weekend/existence again AAGH HOMESTUCK YOU BLACK HOLE

anyway yaay karkat in a suit.

Alluding to assassination attempts? What, is that red rifle going to try and fulfill that old “through the silver screen and straight into my heart” unused foreshadowing-herring from act six, or five, or whenever it was? Five, I believe.

Pff, super pacs, yeah. Dave’s nearly as political as me now or something. Except he actually acts on it here instead of just sitting around talking about it and thinking he’s right all the time, like me.

Wait, JANE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH with smearing Jake??!??? Holy shit she’s lost touch.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS! KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE! DAVE: yeah its awesome

Pfffff.

...yeah, Jake isn’t thinking of ANYTHING except Dirk right now, really.

Oh huh, Dirk HAS been as controlling of Jake as he used to be, now that alt!Callie’s pointing it out. Just with an even more insidious mechanism.

Oh cool, Karkat’s version of the policy pitch! :D :D :D Can’t wait can’t wait reading

(dont lie karkat you totally know shes hot)

Pff, stop making it seem obvious that Dirk wanted to assassinate Jake for political purposes. Heck, even if that WAS his plan it’d just be a temporary death that he’d resurrect from and then they’d try to turn it into... what, some media spin on how Karkat might have been responsible? Or a troll?? That latter part would make things MUCH more xenophobic. I’m starting to get seriously into the politics of this.

==>

Pff, now ‘rezi’s eating tobacco.

...okay, is Terezi REALLY going to go for a real conversation with just an honest ask for one? I don’t think so--

--aaand there she goes laughing, as expected. At least at first.

Yep, Terezi’s wearing the shoes. Nice date gift.

--And yep, Terezi remembers all that. She managed to do the nigh-metatextual mind merge with her other selves WITHOUT even needing God-Tier.

Yeah, Vriska always seemed fit to abandon the kismesis you deserved when it suited her, ‘rezi. :(

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF! TEREZI: OH D34R GOD JOHN: yeah!!!

Yeah I cackled out loud at that.

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S P3RF3CT 1SNT 1T? TEREZI: BUT NOT FOR YOU TEREZI: YOU DONT *F33L* 1T

john swallows a thick breath. he reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

Holy shit. John’s survivor’s guilt from all the doomed timelines he witnessed and escaped is keeping him from feeling their victory has been real, and making his “squandering” of it gut his self-esteem too. God damnit.

Roxy and John wouldn’t have worked out????? Hey Terezi, quit it! >:[ That’s not fair, just very plausibly and authoritatively dismissing a ship we’d hoped for offscreen like-- Oh, shit, she’s alluding to something that happened in the Candy side I haven’t read isn’t she. She would DEFINITELY have an idea of what happened on the other side of that Choice Split with her hero role. Fuck what am I in for

....pfff, that Callie vs Dirk bit. It’s like revenge against Doc Scratch, which it kind of IS, really.

I didn’t expect this much time to be spent dwelling on really intimate John/Terezi scenes. It’s really refreshing! Making this kind of meaningful no matter whether it’s black or inexplicably red they end up with or whatever, and equally meaningful if they don’t end up in any sort of relationship at all, really.

even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life.

Alt!Callie, are you causing this? I thought you wanted to be impartial.

Okay, THAT finally brought things suitably closer to the black side of romance like I would have expected.

==>

their finger hovers over dirks number for a moment, but... no. that would not be a good idea. they don’t know why they suddenly think it’s a bad idea. it just is.

Okay, THAT shred of influence is fair. You DID say you were going to countermand his influence, so yeah.

Good excuse to get narration of her thoughts, if flimsy. :)

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare.

Pfffff. Fuck you, Dirk. ;)

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

FUCK you’re going to kill JADE aren’t you???? You’re giving Jade a TEMPORARY DEATH just to deny alt!Callie’s proxy?!?? That’s fucking insidious! Fuck you, Dirk!!! That one wasn’t a loveable joke this time, that was an ACTUAL fuck you. This epilogue is really good at making him out to be the villain now that his powers have expanded to the narrative.

Reading reading reading...

...Huh. Is Roxy talking about coming out as non-binary and getting advice on it? Hm!

Alright, and she’s defs a little gay for Callie from what she’s saying if it wasn’t clear before. If “gay” even has any relevance when you’re talking about a pair of non-binary... yeah whatever. :)

Alright, time to hear Dave talk about it all some more I guess.

--Yep, he’s only mostly gay. Called it. There’s a whole spectrum.

...and yeah, I mean... why NOT let it go beyond quadrants with Karkat and never slap an official label on it? You’re just two people who love each other and want to spend time together in any capacity, be it positive or negative. It doesn’t have to result in anything formal unless you want it to, much less boning down or something. Dirk, stop getting creepy with how hard you’re shipping them, that’s the fanbase’s job.

Jade and Roxy are visible from this location, right? Wasn’t it mentioned that they live in a tower in Carapaceville or whatever? Has Dirk successfully conned alt!Callie into having her vessel shot through? Probably.

the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

Eewwwwweweewww

Anyway yeah here comes the plot twist or whatever...

Yeah, Callie gets it wrong, and--

......ah, a tranq? That makes more sense and is more than slightly less evil, if still ultimately evil given his eventual presumed goals or whatever.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

FUCK YOU

Oh, Jade’s going to be asleep for the rest of the story? AGAIN?!???? FUCK YOU SO MUCH, DIRK.

Jesus christ. How long is this epilogue anyway.

Taken your leave? From this planet??? What the fuck, are you--

Oh. Oh shit.

When Dirk ascended into absorbing the memories of all his various split selves, did he get a heaping helping of DOC SCRATCH in there too??? Was Doc Scratch’s ambition actually for POST-victory ascension in this very manner? FUCK. Either way, him sharing some of those memories puts a pretty unique spin on his descent into goddamn evil, here.

Reading on... oh shit, did Callie write the candy half??

==>

Huh, postcoital; we actually went there. Cool.

Ah, she gives up on Vriska? Better find Vriska really fast, then.

Oh, you’re really going? Or, trying, anyway.

==>

Really committed to this whole ascending to literal godhood schtick, aren’t you, Dirk?

(Hm. Makes me almost think that this situation with Rose is going to end up with someone splitting her essence entirely in two to save her; her raw Seer-ness getting forced into a convenient vessel (cueball, wonk wonk) and herself returning to consciousness a slight bit more mortal than she was before, ie not going completely insane. Hmm.)

Oh, “Vast Fuck” sorta-maybe-confirmed..??

Stop tacitly insulting Jake as you puppet him, Dirk. He’s a dumbass but not THAT much of a dumbass.

beta-bitch

FUCK YOU, DIRK.

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart.

Fuuuuuuck you.

could subsume your entire personality

Shit, he IS trying to pretty much consume them all. Swallow their individuality and take total control of all their actions. All Prince of Heart on the whole world. Dirk you need to fucking DIE.

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

There isn’t a Fuck You large or loud enough to what I feel about the mental violation Dirk is inflicting on Jake right now, and everyone else around him, and I sincerely and selfishly hope this epilogue is almost over because I don’t want too many pages to stand between this one and seeing Dirk fucking PAY.

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

Let’s hope that in your hubris your looking away managed to let him say something different or some such.

==>

You try to remember if you’ve ever been revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has happened. Maybe?

Yeah, I don’t recall either really.

The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Okay, fuck? How the hell? Is this just because Dirk says it is, or???

I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

Yeah, Dirk’s first fucking rant when he took over the narrative officially was about John being a you-insert nobody average guy, and the DISDAIN he shows to everything about who John is is pretty goddamn insulting. He has NO concept of how John managed to bring everyone together or... UGH!

even though you knew both then and now that it was the only choice you possibly could have made.

Dammit, so it probably WASN’T a full timeline-bisecting Mind split. Just a side branch that wasn’t as likely, because just like with his Denizen, John’s will was tilted toward this part of the choice. D:

I see how some of this seems to be going, or at least think I do... Dirk thinks that John needs to die heroically “for the good of the story”, and something’s potentially going to come in and say “no”? That the whole reason they WON was to essentially be free of that cruel logic once and for all, and that Dirk is gonna get one hell of a smackdown for trying futilely to enforce it in their new post-victory domain??

She listens to him bleed while she smells him die.

--That, and fulfilling bits of foreshadowing for shits and giggles. >:(

Huh, “friable”, didn’t even know that was a word. Just looked it up; you learn something new every day.

Okay what is Dirk planning with the fucking body.

==>

Jane swept the election, of course. I told you I was going to win. After Jake’s incoherent and scandalous heel-turn at Karkat’s ill-fated rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvaged the Vantas campaign.

Ah, but is that what REALLY happened, or what you’re saying happened, about to be overwritten?

Mainly that their BFF Jade has been in a coma for an entire month. They’ve been in and out of the hospital handling her affairs. Her next of kin is listed as John Egbert, and no one’s seen him in ages. It’s like he just disappeared suddenly. Like some great hand came out of the sky and crossed his name off the big list of guys we ever need to give a shit about anymore.

F U C K Y O U

Roxy, after all, and since her big heart-to-heart about the personal politics of queer onion metaphors, and ten stages of galaxy-braining through the many vicissitudes of the phrase “no homo,” Roxy has decided to really step up her gender experimentation. I guess at this point she’s gone beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reaching Super Saiyan 2 of gender, and then going even further beyond.

Holy crap, she’s going full Dave Lalonde. That’s pretty sweet.

...Isn’t Terezi like obviously covered in blood and stuff?

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

Oh my fucking GOD real!Callie please save the plot. Nuke this self-indulgent Dirkshit.

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

...This is an allusion to the Candy side I haven’t read, isn’t it? Maybe THAT’s part of what she supplants this bullshit with. Or since it mentions “various combinations”, she’s restoring the possibility to everything that the ending was supposed to have?

This is potentially a real fucking indictment of the idea of a narrative-driven ending when what actually mattered was the characters’ escape from said narrative. :)

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

Okay fuck maybe Callie ISN’T helping. Maybe she’s just so worried about the alternate history she could have lead that she’s retreating into every Candy-like fanfic she can think of. :(

What’s with the phone buzz? The intervention we’ve been hoping for, since Dirk’s making her ignore it?

Oh cool, figures Terezi’s been hearing the narrative all along and just politely not acknowledging the fact that she hears it! Maybe SHE’LL help unfuck this mess. (And according to her, Roxy’s gone full “him” too!)

Fuck fuck fuck Terezi don’t listen to him go against his bullshit instead

Where, canon? Is that where you’re planning to escape back to or some such, with yourself as the author? Is that orange Andrew actually you or some BS?

Dammit.

==>

FUCK, “new body”????

The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

FUCK FUCK FUCK it IS the cueball isn’t it. Holy shit. That’s even worse than a robot. FZUCZK

Okay calm down. The Rose part of Rose can be cut away and rescued from this fate somehow, if she isn’t just whole-hog rescued entirely which would also be good. FUCK DIRK

...look purple? What?

DIRK: What’s happening here is the best thing for everybody.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. This shit had better be undone soon.

To finally face the truth. If Rose has been spending more time with me than you, if she’s realizing she resonates more with me due to our natural similarities and finds my presence more rewarding than yours, then what does that say about YOU, Kanaya?

PFFFF. YOU’RE GONNA BREAK UP THE PAIRING JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL HER? HAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

Okay, after THAT page’s last bit of horrid manipulation, this can’t end in any way that doesn’t involve ages of existential and literal torment for Dirk, forever.

==>

Epilogue Seven, huh. One last thing he wants to take care of before getting out of dodge, huh. I see Karkat and Dave’s text colors on screen. Is he going to try to force them to finally bone down or confess? This would be the perfect place for his plan to get fucking stopped.

Homestuck, stop making my fucking stomach clench so hard.

That’s a hell of a disaster Dirk thought up for these guys on that stage.

Part of this whole shitshow might be to tell us that this ending, this “fanfic” of dubious authenticity of an epilogue that Dirk is giving us is how DIRK believes it would end best for everyone involved, but not how everyone else would, ignoring their wills... while also discarding the idea of the epilogue that any individual reader of Homestuck would want in favor of the possibilities he meant to leave open with the ending.

Alright, here comes Dirk NOT forcing them to bone down but rather trying to persuade-brainwash them into a relationship talk.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

Dave. Please.

Hey, the Gurren Lagaan reference went WAY too long unsaid. Even if Andrew literally didn’t know a thing about said anime when he made the character designs.

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

DAVE: oh DAVE: same

I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time.

BAAHAHAHAAHHhahahha FUCK YOU Dirk.

I mean, I want Dave and Karkat together as much as the next guy but FUUUUUUUCK YOU DIRK!!! I want everything you ever wanted to go wrong and shit on you. Their equivocating soft-nearly-mance is strong enough to go even against you, who thinks yourself the narrative fucking Sun.

Oh this is fantastic

I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this.

YES KEEP FALLING APART

You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.

Nice callback to... what was it, Dave’s first rant at Tavros to troll him back or whatever?

radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

Yep, DEFINITELY a callback to that. I’ll never forget the sick flow of that metaphor.

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

SAVE US DAVE

Dammit, near miss.

The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life.

Pfff

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

yaaaaaayyy

I mean we didn’t save the whole story yet but at least Dirk got fucked over and we still get Davekat intimacy.

That’s pretty classy actually, not getting into detail and just sounding blown the fuck away by it even though he’s Dirk. That’s pretty good.

==>

Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it.

Oh so it IS a robot body. Well, fuck you a little less than it potentially being the magic cueball, but STILL fuck you.

I may have already mentioned, but I’m a bit too deft at this for my own good. Doing the thing where I tug at the part of someone’s latent thought process that already knows they adore me. That if someone would just pull the stops from their sense of inhibition, they’d realize they would do anything for me.

It’s called killing their soul with your role abilities you ASSHOLE

I hope this crush you filled him with bites you in the fucking ass now that he’s here.

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

Oh, so you’re just going to drop the truth on him like that? Let’s see how that works out for you, asshole.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

Oh fuck you. This is “best for everyone”, huh?????

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know. DIRK: Her candy boy? JAKE: CANDY BOY??? DIRK: Yeah. Being on call. DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such. DIRK: To provide her with many heirs. DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool? JAKE: HEIRS??

Um. What the fuck? Is this even Dirk anymore? It’s not Condesce intervention, I’m not going to try and suspect that just from the callback or anythiiiii-----

Fuck, we DID just get an alive Meenah dropped into a universe somewhere.

Maybe this IS Condesce intervention. Just a different Condesce. o_O

Two ticks longer than he ever deserved.

Gah???

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

So this was all just revenge for dumping him??????????????

==>

Guh, back to Kanaya-- wait, why does Dirk want Terezi around, anyway?

Jade wakes up and then-- Okay. Okay my eyes flitted down to the green halfway down the page and I saw this phrase before I actually got to it.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Thank FUCK.

Anyway reading the in-between...

The scope of her awareness, she now understands, is truly staggering. Memories are suddenly accessible that are almost impossible to believe. Some of them are unspeakably marvelous to her. Others, deeply disturbing.

FUCKING COOL she got Ultimate-Selved! Now she knows too much about what’s going on to stop her! Get fucked, Dirk!!!!

No, more than just disturbing. She lingers in the dark recesses of her consciousness. There were things she saw, things she was told... Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

YEAAAAAHHH JADE GET ANGRY

This had better not be Dirk intentionally riling her up since he still has control of the narrative though.

Next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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wineanddinosaur · 4 years

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VinePair Podcast: The Dirty Truth About ‘Clean’ Wine

Recently, Cameron Diaz launched a new wine brand called Avaline, marketed as a “clean wine.” While the term didn’t originate with Diaz or her brand, Avaline has shone a major spotlight on the phrase — and caused an uproar among wine professionals, many of whom believe that the terminology is misleading.

In fact, there’s no legal or agreed-upon meaning for the term. No governmental, trade, or private organization that certifies or verifies “clean” claims. Many wine professionals have said that brands labelling their wine as “clean” are trading on customer misinformation around wine ingredients and processes as their currency, creating a false dichotomy between “clean” and “dirty” wines. This growing trend piggybacks on the existing “clean eating” trend, which holds an equally opaque meaning. On this week’s episode of the VinePair Podcast, Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe unpack the term, explaining why it is so often exploited, and offering advice on how to avoid being fooled by marketing gimmickry.

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Or Check Out Our Conversation Here

Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Connecticut, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. Guys, it’s late July, which is weird.

Z: Oh my god.

E: Very weird.

Z: How is it that time is going both incredibly slow and incredibly fast? It’s bizarre. It always feels that way a little bit, but man, this year has been so weird.

A: It has been. When I realized it was late July, last night I said to Naomi, “Oh my gosh! We’ve been in quarantine for a year.” And it’s been four months. Wow, these four months have felt super long like you said, but also, everything has felt quick. How are we already at the end of July? We just had July 4th. It’s really weird.

E: Yeah, and with two kids, it’s like “Lord of the Flies” all of the time.

A: I can only imagine.

E: It just keeps getting worse.

A: Are you on the edge of your seat wondering what’s going to happen with school in the fall?

E: Oh yeah.

A: Have they already made a decision?

E: No, they’ve made no decision. We’re not going to know for a couple of weeks. It’s crazy. At this point, the kids are just running around the yard in tatters, playing in a pond, covering themselves with mud. I don’t even know where they are right now.

A: So it really is “Lord of the Flies.”

E: It really is. They paint themselves with mud. They’re way out there these days.

Z: There’s got to be a local farm you could get a pig skull from if you really wanted.

E: That’s next.

A: So ridiculous. We’ve all gotten so used to this, and also not at all. It’s such a nuts time to begin doing anything in this world, especially in this country.

Z: I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in a country that had handled this thing reasonably well. You could actually be thinking about a normal fall.

E: Right.

Z: It’s hard to believe.

A: I had a call earlier today with some people who have a well-known spirits brand here in the U.S. but it’s also huge in Asia. I was talking to them and they discussed that in Asia, coworkers are back to normal in the office and wearing masks. But they have a different attitude where they all protect each other. Here we say, “A mask? Eh. I don’t want to smell my breath.” That’s our attitude in this country. It would be interesting to see what it’s like being in a country that handled it well.

E: We should talk to someone from New Zealand or Australia, some restaurants or wineries, to hear what it’s like on the other side.

A: Even in Italy. They’re very much back to normal. Not to say it’s totally normal, but a lot of people are taking legitimate summer vacations and eating out a lot more. A lot of the businesses are back in their offices. Everyone’s wearing masks. That’s the one thing that everyone has to do, and it’s the one thing that here, we just won’t do. That makes it frustrating. It actually is that simple. Get the cases down, and wear this thing on your face. No one likes to wear it. It’s not comfortable.

Z: I would like to interject. My two-year-old really likes to wear his mask. He wants to keep it on.

A: I could see how kids like it. It’s kind of like a costume. It’s a little bit of a superhero feeling. My niece has a cute mask with fairies on it. She loves it. I could see how it’s like playing dress-up almost. For us, it’s a little more uncomfortable, but it is what it is. You have to wear one. Just get over it. We’d all get through this a lot faster, but no one wants to do it. It really boggles the mind. Anyways, speaking of health, let’s transition into our topic for this week, which is something that’s been bubbling in the world of alcohol in general for the last few years. It’s seemed to come especially to a head in the wine world, over the last two weeks. It’s this idea of marketing beverages, let’s talk specifically about wine today, as “clean.” There are a few instances of people releasing wines, including Cameron Diaz, using the word “clean” to describe the wine. There’s a lot of uproar over that, but the wines are actually selling like crazy. People can’t keep them in stock. There’s been a large debate over what is and isn’t fair marketing practices when it comes to selling wine. What is dubious? What isn’t? What are we allowed to say? What aren’t we allowed to say? I understand that people hustled, and they used something that’s a word that people care about, like clean eating. You can’t hate on those people for it. The only thing that I had issue with was the hypocrisy coming from a lot of people that were the loudest criticizers against the word clean because they’re the people who use the word “natural.”

Z: Yeah.

A: For me, my issue was that I want to be on their side, but they aren’t admitting that they use a word that they think also means a lot, that to a lot of people means to people exactly the same thing that “clean” does. Whether they want to say that clean wine isn’t as fair as natural wine, the reality is that all you have to do is look at the essay written in The New York Times last summer in the Style section, by a writer who literally said the reason they drink the wines that are labeled “natural” is because they think they are cleaner and better for them. No one has ever tried to refute that because it also helps you sell wine. It also packs your wine bar. It also gets people to try wines they wouldn’t normally try. Everyone is using marketing terms in order to sell their products. Let’s get over both of them. Maybe I’m in the minority. Maybe we should just hate the word “clean” and not the word “natural.” I don’t know. What do you guys think?

E: Cameron Diaz last week, or maybe two weeks ago now, launched this brand called “Avaline.” If you watch the video on social media and see how this thing is marketed, it really does set up this dichotomy that her wine is clean, and all wines by definition are dirty. That is the thing that makes me most upset. It’s just a continuation. First we had Dry Farm Wines. They did this clean marketing in a clever way, but the thing is, it’s built on misinformation and the lack of consumers really understanding what’s going on. For Dry Farm Wines, they package up commercially available, organic, and biodynamic wines. They mark them up, and they sell them under the guise of sugar free. “These are sugar free wines.” “Low carb.” All this sort of stuff. But guess what? All wines, any dry wine is going to be sugar free or nearly sugar free and also very low carb. It’s that misnomer. Winc recently, with their Wonderful Wine Company, they’re marketing it as “clean wine for better living.” Their tagline is “Health conscious wine lovers, meet the low carb, low sugar, organic wine you’ve been waiting for.” The problem with this is just that it’s not accurate. It’s misleading. Over and over, we’re getting this pick-up from what was clean eating. Now it’s transitioned over to clean drinking. I just don’t think it’s accurate. If you really look into Avaline and how this wine in particular was made and packaged, it’s not that much different than really any other organic wine that is middle-of-the-road, industrial produced that’s out there right now.

Z: I think the problem starts with this simple fact that is very easily misconstrued and possibly abused by both natural and clean-wine people, and that is that there are very minimal requirements for labeling of wine. If you look at marketing material for natural wine, for clean wine, they both harp on this fact that “you don’t know what in your wine.” It could have fish bladders, it could have egg whites, it could have mega-purple. It could have all these things. And there’s some truth to that, it’s true. There is no mandate in the United States. There are 60-odd additives that can be used as part of the winemaking process that don’t have to be disclosed on the label. This idea that because there isn’t disclosure on the label, it means that every wine has these things lurking in it, is first of all silly. Second of all, for the most part, who gives a shit? Yes, I don’t like mega-purple in my wine because I want my wine to be an expression of place and what actually happened in a vineyard, not what happened in a lab to concentrate grape essence. But you know what? I’ve had some wines with mega-purple in it, and sometimes they’re all right. They’re not amazing, but let’s get over ourselves a little bit here. It comes back to this fact that they harp on this lack of labeling. There’s a lot to be said about the idea that maybe we should, as a consumer base, be advocating for more labeling in wine. Maybe you shouldn’t be able to put these things in without having to disclose it. That’s a bit of an adjacent conversation to this. The reality is, there’s this abuse of that fact. What if I packaged up a wine and said, “This wine has zero asbestos in it.” Would your question then, as a consumer who didn’t know better, be, “Well, wait. Does other wine have asbestos in it?” We’re basically talking about the same stuff, in that claiming that your wine doesn’t have something that most wine doesn’t have doesn’t set you apart except for with the majority of consumers who don’t know any better. Most people don’t know much about how wine is made because it’s complicated, and why would you bother to know unless you’re us?

A: We’re creating problems for consumers in both ways. Erica, I completely agree with you. I did not like how this was done. It’s interesting that it’s not on the label for Avaline. It was just something they said in this video, but then that’s what went viral, which was actually pretty smart on their part. In both regards, why are we scaring consumers about sulfites? What all of a sudden is that something we’re deeming as bad? That’s the same thing in terms of marketing. It’s interesting that especially in the world of spirits, you don’t have people react as negatively to marketing, which is curious. In the world of wine, we want to really believe in a lot of ways, and again this is not to say that I agree in any way with how they marketed the wines, but we want to believe that everyone is an artist. At the end of the day, if people were artists, then they would be independently wealthy, and they need to make a living. They need to sell it. Some people use celebrity spokesmen in order to sell their wines, some people use different marketing terms to sell their wines, some people just make really damn good wine that everyone gets excited about and that’s how they sell their wine. At the end of the day, everyone needs to market it somehow, somewhere. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t remember the same massive reaction when George Clooney came out and said that his tequila didn’t give you a hangover. People thought it was really smart. Casamigos did a really smart thing, and a lot of other tequila brands started emulating that positioning. No one said, “How dare George Clooney say that his tequila is more pure and doesn’t give you a hangover.” People thought he had a really good idea.

Z: I do think if he said that today, there would be a little bit more pushback on that, in part because there’s also this complicated issue of a white dude saying that his tequila is clean and others are not.

A: Totally. Don’t worry. There’s an article today on the site about that.

Z: There you go. Perfect.

A: I agree with you there. It was only four years ago. It wasn’t like it was super long ago. I do feel like there’s this weird anger that comes out only in wine in a way that’s very different from beer or spirits. Maybe I’m wrong. That’s just what I feel.

E: It’s this mindset. Especially recently in wine and spirits, we’re seeing such a huge shift in celebrities building this space. It’s this mindset of, “Rich celebrity, bestow upon us your godly wisdom. Thank goodness you decided to tackle the problem of dirty wine. It took someone with your talent to uncover the truth about wine and its disgusting practices and its disgusting winemakers. Now, we are saved. The end. Perfect soundbite.” You know? That’s the thing. Further, it’s elitist. This one in particular, Avaline, with this clean-dirty dynamic, it is so elitist. It’s saying, you can’t drink clean unless you can afford to shell out $24 for my Cameron Diaz bottle of wine. Then, if you can’t do that, you clearly don’t care about what you’re putting in your body. That’s the knock that clean eating has gotten because no one can afford to go to a farmers market and hand-source every piece of food they’re putting in their mouth. That’s this mindset that’s getting shifted over, in this particular celebrity case that really pisses me off.

A: It is all Gwen’s fault?

E: Yes.

A: Goop really started pushing this earlier than anyone else. This was a thing that happened really early on. Goop’s been a proponent of a lot of these ideas of natural fermentation versus inoculation. It’s all so complicated. I want to be really angry about this whole thing, but it’s hard for me to because I feel like there’s this whole other category of wine that’s been doing it for so long. They were some of the people that were the angriest. I can’t be as angry as I need to be about how this is annoying and the way that they marketed it. Zach, are you as conflicted as I am?

Z: No because to me, there’s a fundamental difference. Look, you all listening to this know I’ve had my issues with the natural wine crowd plenty of times. But I will say with some notable exceptions, they’ve mostly struck me as people who are pretty earnest. I find the clean wine crowd to be much more nakedly opportunistic.

A: That’s what always happens.

E: I completely agree.

Z: Here’s the thing. If I were to believe that Cameron Diaz was really passionate about wine, then you would think that says the variety, or even the place where this wine is made, because it’s not that Cameron Diaz is going to Spain and picking the grapes and making the wine. She contracted with a large winemaking consortium. There’s a great article out by Miquel Hudin about this.

A: But he doesn’t say who it is, right? No one knows who it is.

Z: He doesn’t disclose, because he chose not to. Because he felt like it might blowback on the producer, the actual people who make the wine. The point is, he was able to figure out who was making it. The wine itself might actually be pretty good. I don’t think there’s any reason to think that the wine is inherently bad.

A: He says it’s a respected producer whose wines he enjoys. So probably the wine is good.

Z: Yeah, and Xarello, which is the grape that they’re largely using, as he points out in his piece also, I think is a variety that is overdue for some recognition. It’s that exact fact that for him and for many of us, is galling about this, because had this line and this wine been positioned slightly differently — where there was a little bit of attention paid or marketing shine given to the grape, the place, the people who actually made it, not just the ones who slapped their name on it and branded it — it could possibly be inoffensive. Look at Miraval. Feel how you want to feel, but look, it’s true that Brad and Angelina Jolie being involved in it helped catapult it onto people’s radar, but it’s a legitimately good rosé. It brought some attention to a category that maybe didn’t need a lot of help, but certainly didn’t hurt for it. That’s the issue that I have with some of these clean wines. They seem almost the opposite of a lot of natural wine. They seem interested in obscuring the place of origin, the variety and whatever else of the wine because really, it’s a marketing ploy. It’s about being able to shift the source of the grapes. Often they don’t have a vintage on them, so that they can be sort of remade at any given time due to demand. For all of their complaining about lack of transparency and labelling, to me, these wines are some of the least transparent wines out there. The only thing like them are some of the mass-produced grocery-store-brand wines that also have almost no information on the label. They don’t even have a variety sometimes, or a vintage. It’s just a proprietary name. That’s really what this is, just with a different marketing gimmick.

A: But this is what happens in business, having to recognize that wine is a business. There are movements that are truly organic — ha! I used that word. There are movements that start, and people find ways to exploit those movements. I completely agree. There’s a lot of people I know who are proponents of natural wine who I respect a lot, who have had me taste wines that I think are absolutely amazing, and who I know aren’t in it because they’ve also been duped. They know the producers. They’re passionate about it. And they’re some people who won’t use the term “natural” that often. Then, there’s other people that became crazy zealots of the category without understanding wine in general. To them, all other wine was bad. This was the only good wine. That became something that they were putting out on social media and marketing. A few well-known companies then tried to exploit it. We predicted this, Zach, you and I, over a year ago, that someone would exploit this. I thought it was going to be Aldi or something. Turns out that it’s Cameron Diaz. I never knew this. One of our friends is a fashion designer. She told us, did you know that if you send a product that’s made in China to Italy and it just gets a final stitch, you can say it’s made in Italy?

E: No way.

A: There’s a lot of people that will do that. They know that a lot of American consumers care about that label. They’ve been told that “Made in Italy” matters, so some of these lower-cost fashion brands, the way they can charge and sell a little bit more is to send a suit or dress to Italy for the final stitching. It costs very little compared to what it would cost if you were buying Armani or Billy Reid or any of these really high-end fashion brands. But they get the final stitch made and it can have this label in it, which is crazy to think about. It’s the same idea, right? It’s these larger companies that realize this is what consumers want. It’s what they’re being told is a signifier of quality, so in fashion it’s a “Made in Italy” label. In wine, it’s the word “clean” or “natural.” Let’s exploit it because there’s very little regulation from stopping that. That’s what happens. When you don’t have regulation, companies will go as far as they can to exploit it and take advantage of the consumer. It’s annoying, but I’m not surprised it happened. I’m actually surprised it was Cameron Diaz. I’m surprised it was a celebrity first and not just a really big company. I’m sure there’s a really big company behind her, but again, we don’t even know. It was bound to happen.

E: It’s true. It is just going to continue. It’s going to get worse and worse unless there’s more labeling transparency and some sort of legislation around that and around the terminology of things like “natural” and “clean.” We’re going to keep heading further and further down this path.

Z: Some of this is inevitable because the reality is that marketing and industry forces are what they are. From a journalistic-media side, one thing that has to be worked on is how these categories of wine, in particular, are talked about. It’s because they have so little legal guideline, in a way, that organic and even biodynamic have government-imposed or at least sanctioning-body-imposed rules that you have to meet for labelling — and natural and clean are in the eye of the beholder at the moment. One thing that has to come out of this from the wine industry and the media side is standards about: Do we use these terms? When do we use these terms? How confident do we have to be that what someone is saying in their marketing pitch is actually true? I would personally like to say that this is where the big issue comes up. So much of what happens is, this information is conveyed to a credulous public, often laundered through respected publications. I’m not talking about VinePair here. I’m talking about some other ones that I’ve read. I’m not going to shit-talk and specific articles on this podcast. You can DM me if you want to know what I think. The reality is that a lot of these non-wine-focused publications that are more general publications use this terminology. Like you were talking about The New York Times Style piece from a year ago, they’re written by people who may not know a lot about wine. They’re sometimes pay-to-play articles. They just muddy the water so badly that I think it’s important for those of us in the media to do better in terms of when we are going to use these terms. And we can’t let the producer define if their wine is clean or natural. Unless there’s a certifying body that, at a minimum, it has to come down to a standard that’s set by an outset organization, because everyone’s going to call themselves “natural” or “clean” if it becomes a selling point. That’s what’s happening. We have to, as a media body, do better and have standards that — whether or not the winery or wine seller thinks that they’re wine should be called natural or clean — there has to be some outside standard imposed. If it’s not a certifying body, then it has to be us.

A: I agree.

E: From my perspective, I have not seen any wine or drinks publications that fell for the bait on this one. It was all People, InStyle, all of the big consumer publications who came out with this Avaline wine and said, “Cameron Diaz, the savior.” That was 100 percent across the board for anything that was not a drinks publication. There is just a huge amount of, a fundamental lack of, consumer understanding. In this case, the consumers are also the journalists. That’s what we’re dealing with here. The people who are writing these articles probably have zero experience or understanding about wine. This is just one of five articles that they’re writing in a week, and they’re just flipping through the press release. That’s the real problem here. A lot of the gatekeepers really have no idea about wine. What can we do as wine-interested people and people in the wine industry to better convey what is honest and accurate? How do we get people to understand what is a buzzword?

A: There’s a few things here. One, I can’t speak for other publications, but Erica, when you came onboard, one of the biggest things, which is pervasive in lifestyle media, we try not to take pitches from what I call “book report writers.” They basically had facts regurgitated to them from a producer on a press trip. They wrote it and then they never challenged whether or not they were being told the truth. That happens a lot, especially in lifestyle publications because you’ve been given this free thing. You went on a trip and it was fun. The winemaker was charming. They served you a beautiful dinner. They said, “I’m the first producer to ever grow organic Nebbiolo in Piemonte.” You wrote it, but it’s not true. You didn’t do the research because they said it. You took them at their word. It’s the same with a lot of the lifestyle people. You’re going to be given access to Cameron Diaz. You get to talk to her. Are you going to challenge Cameron Diaz? She’s telling you that her wine is clean! You got to interview Cameron Diaz, and it’s dope. At the end of the day, we’re humans. There’s a cool thing about talking to the star of “The Mask.” A lot of these lifestyle writers are not going to challenge a celebrity telling them something. They’re just going to write it, which is a problem. It also speaks to what’s unfortunately happening in newsrooms, which we talk about all the time. There’s less budget, because there’s less advertising for more editors over the writers to do fact-checking to make sure that this stuff is actually accurate before publishing. It’s really unfortunate. The reason we’ve taken a position, and I don’t want to say a publication position, but my personal position on natural wine is, my issue with it is that it’s not regulated. I don’t want to give it a carte blanche. I’m very open to talking to someone who says they’re a biodynamic producer and is certified that way because they do it and can prove it. That’s a different thing. I try to avoid those buzzwords, doing podcasts like this, writing articles that are critical when these things happen, and saying that this is bullshit, on both sides. This term “clean wine” is bullshit. These other terms are bullshit, too. You, as a consumer, should be aware of it because you’re the one getting duped. If you want to buy the wine because you like Cameron Diaz, and she’s showing you a really great wine from Spain that’s made from a grape you should know about, that’s awesome. You should buy that wine. But if you’re buying that wine because she told you it’s clean, you should think twice, because that should not be a factor because that’s not true.

E: Totally.

Z: Last piece here from me. As always, there’s alcohol in these wines. They can only be so healthy. It’s just the reality of it. It’s not like, in the end, there isn’t a poison in there. Now look, it’s an an awesome poison that we all really like, and we like the effect it has on us, and we like what comes along with it, but unless Cameron Diaz is going to start selling non-alcoholic wine, it’s a little rich to be saying, “This is ‘clean’.” It’s not. We might be willing to deal with the side effects and the consequences, but as far as we know, there’s no universe in which you can fairly say that about any product that has alcohol in it. That’s a safe statement to make.

A: Totally.

E: Totally. As a last takeaway, of all of these bald marketing ploys, clean wine is the worst marketing ploy that I have seen in all my years of covering wine. At least 15 years that I have been doing this, this is the thing that I wish would go away more than any other term. I see this coming down the pike, and people have seen the success of Avaline. They’ve seen the success of Dry Farm Wines, which does this, of Wonderful Wine Co., which does this. It is only picking up steam.

A: Oh yeah.

E: For consumers, if you want to pay a marked-up price for a wine, make sure it’s labeled “clean” because that’s where you’re going to be spending those marked up dollars. If you’re really concerned about how a wine is made or wanting to make sure that you have organic or biodynamic grapes, or that you’re looking for wines where the vineyard workers are treated fairly, go straight to the source. Do not go to these gatekeepers like celebrities or these wine clubs, because that is not the source of truth.

A: I love it. Erica came in hot today. I love it.

E: I had coffee.

Z: She’s been yelling at the kids. She’s ready.

A: I know! But I agree with you. There’s something to be said for, the wine world especially is very confusing. Our food ways, in general, are very confusing in this country. Be a smart consumer. And if it matters to you, be a smart consumer, call out bullshit when you see it, and ask real questions. If someone tells you this wine is clean or organic, ask to see the certification. Ask them to show you something that proves what they’re actually saying. If they can’t produce it, then realize that it’s bullshit. At the end of the day, across the board, whatever term someone is using, ask them what that means and how they define that. If they can’t show you any of those defining characteristics, then just know that you’re buying bullshit. If you still want to buy that bullshit, it’s totally fine. It’s your money. Spend it the way you want to. In everything in this world, there’s marketing speak, and marketing speak works. If you want to be a smart consumer, be able to identify marketing speak, decipher speak, and question it. That’s it!

Z: Can’t say it better than that.

E: Agreed.

A: I will chat with both of you next week for some random subject that will be determined based on whatever happens in the week before we record. Until then, we want to thank everyone for listening, as always. Drop us a review or give us a shoutout on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever else you get your podcasts. It really helps people discover the show. And, if you agree or disagree with us, always shoot us an email at [email protected]. Erica, Zach, and I really love to know what you think. If you’re comfortable with it, we’d love to share your thoughts on the next show. Thanks so much.

E: Thank you.

Z: Sounds great.

A: Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me, Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout-out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: The Dirty Truth About ‘Clean’ Wine appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/dirty-truth-about-clean-wine/

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