#i think they are because i did click on their streams and it was loop r extremely obscene

[luwha]

Tumblr: No NSFW! You know how it is we banned it because of the bots in 2018!

Also tumblr:

#Edited because someone said they're not bots #i think they are because i did click on their streams and it was loop r extremely obscene #and i didn't LOOK for them #it's being blasted to ALL users #i don't think this is safe for them like this

[dizzy-after-dark]

Cauterized | Steve Rogers

BOOM MIC DROP: SMUT FOR THE END OF THE YEAR! Y'all didn't think I would not post once this year, did you. Well, here it is. I TRIED! Mwah; see you in 2024!

Tags: Angst (not really but yeah), SMUT, fluff

Pairing: Nomad!Steve Rogers x F!Reader (Third Person)

Notes: UHHHHH 18+ BUCKOS; this is a continuation of Ignorant, which is the first part and angsty as FUCK but a personal fave of mine if I do say so myself; been really thinking about finishing my requests from over a year ago for Dinner At Dizzy's on my other account, @dizzydancingdreamer (masterlist linked if you're feeling peckish)

Warnings (what to expect, ig): oral (f recieving), fingering, sex (???), uhhhm lack of descriptive writing from a rusty author, sappiness, swearing, bad metaphors, shower sex, alcohol consumption (BARELY), size kink, over-use of the word "Stevie"

Word Count: 4.6k

She pushes the door closed, turning the shower on lazily. Her muscles ache as she twists the knob all the way to the left. Somewhere, sometime she was told about cauterization. You can seal wounds closed with fire— forcibly fuse the skin back together. She has no cuts. Nothing to fuse. And only hot water. However, maybe stepping into the scalding stream might fix the part of her brain that keeps replaying it all, over and over. 

Baby I— 

If anything, it might numb her. She would take that too right now. Hence the bottle on the counter, partially drunk and already open. She takes the first swig, the liquid like fuel to the inferno raging in her stomach, burning the rest of her in the process. The taste is acrid— she’s never been much of a drinker. She just wants to forget it all. Setting it down with a clunk, she strips out of grimey shirt, letting it puddle at her feet. 

Looking at the material, which at one point was a stark white but will now forever be a dingy gray, she laughs. Not really but, yeah, kind of— one of those half amused huffs, anyway. A pity laugh, for the state of her life. That shirt is practically trash. Even if she had the time, energy, or resources to wash it, there’s no way it’ll ever be the same. 

She should just throw it out. 

Is she even talking about the shirt anymore?

She kicks it into the corner, hands falling to the button of her jeans, swollen knuckles screaming as she fails a few times to push the little metal circle through the loop.

“Goddamnit,” she mutters to herself, and to the ghosts, and the spider she saw in the corner when she came in but didn’t have the heart to make the latter as well. 

She’s already made too many ghosts. 

“I, uh, I can help?”

None of those ghosts have ever answered before, though. 

Whirling around, fists balling in front of her face, she readies herself in less than a breaths time to send said ghost straight back to the grave—

“Woah, easy there, baby—”

Only to find Steve, his baby blues wide and a tad panicked but his hand nevertheless peeking through the crack of the door, reaching for her. Mind glazing over with confusion and, well, a fair bit of something russian and label-less, she blinks up at him and the damn door. She closed that— she remembers closing it… right? 

Her eyes flick down and the fire in her belly kindles a little more. 

“Are you kidding me?” She groans, the exhaustion an unwelcome guest in the cavern of her chest.  

His boot, right there in the doorway, holding the measly wooden traitor open. She never heard the damn click. Didn’t even bother to listen for it. Rookie mistake, honestly. She can’t even be mad, really. 

“Please just let me help.” Steve pushes past the door, both arms now extended towards her, but he doesn’t touch her yet. 

He’s waiting. She stays silent. Partly because she has no idea what to say— or what she wants— and partly because he hates it. He absolutely, agonizingly hates when she gives him the silent treatment. She watches his jaw tick, lips pressing together until they go white, and there’s a sick part of her that relishes in the cool satisfaction rushing down her spine. 

You made me like this.

But there’s also a part of her that mourns with him when he clears his throat, crystal eyes flooding over, liquid and glassy, and lowers his arms slightly. Not all the way. He’s hopeful, maybe. America’s sweetheart is always hopeful, that’s one of the things she fell in love with him for. 

That’s still Steve— her Steve. 

“I know—” Steve swallows, “I messed up. I just— you’re hurt, baby. Lemme’ help.”  

She huffs— why is it so fucking complicated? Why can’t they just be normal?

She is hurt. Nothing needs cauterizing but there’s no denying her mottled skin, blue-ish under the crappy motel bathroom lights. Her hands throb, joints screaming at her— when she turns to the mirror, she almost gags at the slight bald patch behind her right ear— fuck, that one had really stung. Absolutely ridiculous the way some people fight these days. 

Her silence is deafening. 

She wants to sob. It’s right there, in the hollow of her throat— she wants to scream. Maybe not at him but in general. She used to live in a penthouse, with all her friends, and the love of her life. Now what? She used to get hurt like this back then too but now it feels purposeless— what are they even doing this for if they have nothing. Have no one. It made sense when she still had him. 

Meeting his gaze in the mirror— disappearing a bit into fogged up glass but there regardless— she still has him. Kind of. But she still doesn’t say anything when she turns back to face him. The frown carved into her face feels vile— deep and disgusting and entirely real— but she can’t make it go away. She can’t stop the sniffle, either. Why can’t she just tell him she misses him?

“Fuck.” 

It’s mumbled under his breath. The Captain America, standing in some rundown wreck of a place off some lonely highway, is swearing. Because of her. Is this hell? It feels like hell. 

But, no, it can’t be, because his hands are so, so gentle as they cup her cheeks, thumbs softly dancing over the bruises, half assessing, half trying. Trying to do what, she doesn’t know. Wipe them away? Commit them to memory? She leans into his touch regardless, conceding ever so slightly. She won’t say it, but he can help. There isn’t a universe in which she would truly deny him. 

The first tear that falls isn’t hers, but his, landing on her forehead right before he buries his face in her hair, wrapping those supersoldier arms around her, trying and, well, failing not to crush her in the process. The tenderness in her broken body is worth it, though, because he smells like home, even if tinged with gunpowder and war. 

“I am so sorry—” he whispers, heartbeat erratic under her ear, chest heaving for breath— “I am so sorry I brought this on you. You’re hurt and it’s my fault.”  

Complicated. She fists his t-shirt as hard as she can— fists in until her hands go numb. It’s not fair how complicated it has to be for them. 

Steve didn’t throw her into the fight, didn’t slam his fist into her eye, or rip her hair out by the handful. Steve didn’t even make her come with him when he left; that was entirely her choice. But he did lose his mind a little bit. Power tripped a little too hard. Focused so much on keeping them all safe that he missed the part where he was just supposed to hug her— and that’s what sucked most— but he is now, right?

That has to count for something? 

He pulls back and her fingers tighten, steeling, tensing. He can’t go, even if she isn’t sure what they are anymore. 

The agony in his eyes when he draws the line from her balled fists holding on for dear fucking life to her own, misty gaze is indescribable. “Baby I don’t know how to fix this. I want to, I—” he clears his throat again and her frown carves even further into her skin, eyebrows drawing together— “I want to so fucking bad.”

He plants his forehead against hers and it aches, the warmth of his skin. “I don’t want to make it worse. I need you to tell me how to help.” 

There’s a stinging in her throat where the words simply don’t manifest. What the fuck is she supposed to say? Nothing, at all, really, because she doesn’t even know how to fix her and she’s not mad so there’s nothing to fix… but isn’t there? Isn’t there something between them that desperately needs mending? Isn’t she mad? 

Is it anger? 

Or is it something much more primal. 

No, there are no words she can tell him. She could show him, though. Maybe that will work.

Letting his shirt go, she watches the breath catch in his chest, stuck and frantic. She knows that feeling well— that icy desperation to keep holding on no matter what. But she’s only grabbing his hands, not leaving him, and he’ll see that soon so she continues to drag him towards the stupid, little button that her useless fingers couldn’t seem to undo. In hindsight, maybe they were just waiting for him. 

Realizing, his forehead is off hers quickly, eyes seeking hers. “What? I don’t—” She flattens his palms against her stomach, engulfing the button, and he breathes the last word out— “understand.” 

Her brows raise, cheeks still on fire but now also burning— yes you do. 

“Are you sure?” He asks but there’s a little click— the same one she hadn’t heard earlier— as his boot clad foot kicks the door properly shut, and she’s pretty sure he knows just how sure she is.

All it takes is her thumbs on his, prodding them towards her arch nemesis— damn you, Levi jeans— and the soldier is moving, not rough in his quick actions, but determined. The button is no match for Steve Rogers on a regular day, but today? Now that he has a goal? A starting place? The button may as well have disintegrated under his fingers. 

Her own hands fly to his shoulders, clinging to him as he tugs the blasted jeans off her legs, trying the best she can not to topple over with the sheer force of him. Material pooling at her feet, his palms smooth so slowly back up her now bare legs, rising goosebumps in their wake. She hasn’t been touched in ages— she feels kind of like an animal waking up from hibernation, disorientated and hungry. 

Grabbing at her hips suddenly, her ass is on the cool countertop before she even has the chance to get dizzy. Spreading her thighs with his own, he works on her bra next— this faded, hole ridden thing that if she wasn’t so engulfed in searing, licking desire, she’d probably be embarrassed about. But it’s gone so soon that she doesn’t have a chance and replaced instead with two, bulky hands that entirely engulf her breasts. 

They squeeze her skillfully— with purpose. Thumbs swiping delicious circles around her nipples, flicking this way and that, exactly how he knows she likes it— exactly the way that should have her as a mewling heap in his hold. But she’s not— she’s contained, even as her very skin thrums alive with anticipation. Is this revenge or is it just fucking complicated?

She can’t decide so instead she bites the moan clawing at her throat into small enough pieces to swallow, all the while tuning into something dark that sparks in his ever watchful gaze. 

She’s caught— he gets it now. 

“Really, baby?” He muses, palming her, squeezing just hard enough to give the touch a slight bite. His tone has her feeling like a deer in his headlights— like a freight train is barrelling directly at her and there’s nowhere to go— and she squeezes her thighs around him, welcoming the collision. “You think I won’t work for it?” 

She only blinks at him. Once… twice… 

Her panties are dropped somewhere into the abyss, long forgotten with the rest of her clothes, and his knees thud heavily against the tiled floor. Replacing his body, his head now hovers right in front of a different button, golden hair tickling her sensitive skin as he pulls her legs over his thick shoulders. His skin is warm but not as much as his balmy breath which hits her clit, teasing her into a mess, hands curling around the edge of the counter. 

Come on, Steve. 

But, no, he doesn’t give in to her just yet. First, he turns to her inner thigh, sucking her skin into his mouth with bruising pressure before letting it go with a pop. He peers up— nothing. Moving to the other one, he whispers quick kisses over her sex but never lingers, only biting into her flesh once more once across her mound, teeth almost teasing a whimper from her this time but no, she’s not budging. 

That doesn’t mean he isn’t driving her crazy. Inside, she screams— she craves. C’mon baby just give it to me. Outwardly, her hands drunkenly find his hair, tugging at his soft locks. Now, now, now she chants furiously.

He unseals his lips from her thigh, peering up, less dangerous and back to being her ever hopeful boyfriend— is her her boyf— He kisses her folds, spongy lips lingering a moment, rendering her blank and feverish. Angelic— he’s angelic. From under his long lashes he all but begs her, his dark eyes starving and wanting, but his hands are so soft on her hips, massaging deep into her. It’s this mixture of puppy dog pleading and a knowing of sorts— he knows she’s going to cave eventually.

How does he do that? 

“Words? Please?”

She only pouts and, again, the switch flips. “Fine.”

The word is punctuated with the warm, wet stripe he licks up her center, flicking his tongue languidly over her clit. For as rushed as he’d started this mission, he’s truly never been one to speed through his meals, preferring instead to devour her slowly— expertly— tasting her thoroughly like he has all the time in the world. Meanwhile her body pulses, teetering dangerously already on the knife-sharp edge of too much and too little as he masterfully carves her out. 

Her hands, which had moments ago tried to pull him closer, now use his hair as handles to keep herself from toppling off the counter when he slides her closer to him, burying his face fully into her heat. Heels digging into his back, she watches the spot where his shirt rides up intently, consumed not only by the harsh sucking on her clit but also the tanned, muscled skin peeking out and then disappearing below his own jeans, taunting her. Why hadn’t she taken it off him first? 

She doesn’t have time to think much more about it though because he’s ravenous and she may as well be ice cream, sweet and sticky, melting all over him, dripping down the sides of his face and fingers as they begin prodding against her. They tease, pushing into her but not quite far enough— hard enough.  

His gaze on her is overpowering— it’s deliberate. 

“Y’know,” he speaks against her, the vibrations making her tense, “you can just tell me what you want ‘and I'll do it.”

Her mouth is like sandpaper— her brain, uncooperative. This push and pull is becoming lethal, the next few pokes of his tongue honey slow and spine jolting. Please— she wants to beg. She’s so empty. So, so, achingly empty. Would his fingers even be enough? At this point, it’s as though he would need to crawl into her very chest to fill her up the way she needs to be. How could her words even convey something so needy? 

“Anything, baby. Whatever you want.” 

They can’t, so they don’t, but for the sounds she refuses to make, he doubles in his own, moaning his frustrations right against her. If he can’t make her say anything, he damn sure is going to make her do something. That’s probably why he finally caves, pushing his fingers in to the hilt, and she was stupid to think they couldn’t fill her, the slight burn of them not at all foreign but definitely intense. 

As they bury themselves in her over and over and over again, she bucks against his hand, chasing the start of a little ball of electricity growing in the pit of her stomach, getting higher and higher with every twist of his fingers. Combined with the incessant flick of his tongue— she’s a goner. Stifling the moan, her teeth find home in her lip, biting so hard her mouth gains a slight tang that excites her even more. What’s she even doing? 

Wouldn’t it be more fun if she just let loose? Isn’t that what’s been missing the whole time? The fun? 

When she sees the glint in his piercing stare— impish despite everything they’ve been through— she gets it. It’s hopeless— she is and they are but they’re together and the fun isn’t gone— she’s done. He earned it.

“Stevie—”  she finally cries, animalistic; it doesn’t sound like his name but he must know it is because, even with the intense throbbing consuming her entire body, she can feel his shoulders soften under her thighs— “please don’t stop, I’m so close!”

“That’s it baby,” he coos against her clit, voice raw, compliant as he continues to pump his fingers in time to her squirming, “that’s my girl. I missed that pretty voice of yours.” 

At what point the first orgasm turns into a second, she isn’t sure. It’s all one big blur of her whiny moans, wanton and liquid body, and his hushed prayers against her flushed skin, tongue lapping relentlessly against her. More baby; I know you can give me more. She doesn’t so much hear them as she does become them, absorbing them into her skin. That’s it angel— so good, so good for me.

She can feel him drinking in her mumbled, jagged noises, some words but others mere syllables, coaxed out of her by tongue and fingers all the same. Steve— honey— mmph, fuck, right there— oh my— the words pour out now, dam broken beyond repair, and for some reason, or maybe a lack thereof, it spurs her on even more, a freed woman if ever there was one— 

“Oh my god, Stevie!”

It’s maddening— he’s maddening. 

He’s relentless. 

It isn’t until she yanks his still-eager mouth away from her, stomach iron-tense from way too much overstimulation, does he slowly draw his hand reluctantly back from her shuddering body. His other arm unwinds from where it’s been snaked around her knee, anchoring her to him throughout the duration of his worship. Now pushing him upright, holding him just near enough to where she can hear his labored breaths but not feel them, she shivers, cold as ice without his heat. 

He stares down at her, unmoving, and her heart jumps in her chest. She doesn’t understand— he’s just standing there while she shudders, breathless. His shirt is stretched, no doubt from her pulling at it, and in noticing the damage she remembers how she’s completely naked and he’s completely not. Exposed doesn’t even begin to touch how she feels. 

She wraps her arms around her chest, knees drawing up to tuck under her chin. “Steve?” 

She’d forgotten what it felt like to constantly have him next to her— to have his furnace like warmth melting into her skin almost every minute. Now that she’s had her first real taste of him again, she’s de-acclimated to being alone. She needs him.

“C’mere,” she begs, shaking and a bit confused, why isn’t he touching her still, “please, Stevie, come back.” 

When her fingers finally swipe against his shirt, barely snagging it, he flinches, coming back to her. “Sorry baby, I didn’t mean—” 

She flings herself at him, heart off kilter and erratic in her chest as her lips press against his, swallowing his apologies and hoping beyond anything else that he just catches her, like he always does. He does, kissing her back fervently— reverently. His tongue, tinted with her essence, scoops into her mouth the same way he had been between her thighs. She welcomes the way he takes charge, knowing he holds her against him with every ounce of strength he has.

“—’m sorry,” he pants into her mouth, clearly not satisfied with the success of her attack, “so, so sorry baby.” 

He repeats the words deliriously. Presses them into her hair and against her temple, on her chin and both her cheeks. He especially feeds them to her, word for word, against her lips, soft at first and then rough, frenzied. He’s not talking about right now. He’s still back in that apartment; the fallen angel amongst the rubble, wings too broken to just leave it. 

It’s not complicated. And it’s not revenge, because she could never make him feel worse than he already does, nor would she want to. So, in between kisses and apologies, she answers.

“I know, Stevie.”   

“It’s ok— we’re ok, Stevie.” 

“Steve, stop— I love you!”

He stops. He sets her down, bare feet planting unsteady against the ground. He steps back. What?

“Stevie?” She questions, already moving forward, but his arms, sweeping over his head, towing his shirt up and off, halt her in her tracks. 

Oh.  

 Oh. 

This time, when she says his name it's only a breathy moan, fingers searching for his belt loops and hooking him towards her. In the time it takes for her hands to find the button— this one, thankfully, popping open immediately— there must be a god somewhere who didn’t abandon them in the rubble— he’s back on her, one hand carefully threading through her hair, dragging her mouth back to his, while the other pushes the rest of his clothes to the ground.

“I love you, I love— ah, fuck,” he hisses as her hand wraps around him, thumb brushing over his velvety tip.

For the first time, she smiles against his mouth, calm. “Language, Rogers.”

He pulls back, one neat eyebrow flicked up, but there’s humor in his eyes— no more tension. No more worry. Just fun. He leans down, nuzzling his chin down the side of her face, breath fanning her ear. Her hand stutters as it tugs on him, dragging up and down. He’s so hard— it’s been so damn long. 

“Thought I was Stevie, baby?” It’s an absent minded tease, blush lips parted even after the fact, glued to the way she touches him. 

In turn she watches his face, crowned in a mussed up halo of gold, some of which sticks to his forehead but most falling at every which angle, a product of her thighs sealing themselves around him. She can’t say that she’s never seen him this disheveled but she’ll never get used to it. He’s perfect— she makes him so messy. 

Clearly, she hadn’t been the only one enjoying herself, though, if the heaviness of him between her fingers, rutting into her palm is anything to go by. She squeezes harder, testing something, and he groans something almost inhuman against her neck. Guttural. He’s so close already. It fuels her like nothing else, tickling the part of her that just wants to please. She’s making reparations, too. Speeding up, she works him faster. Come on, honey.  

“Stevie—” she echoes and the next thing she knows, he’s pulling her off him, pushing her towards the steam which billows out from behind the curtain. 

From the moment her feet touch the warm, wet surface of the shower floor, everything is a blur. The water sprays over her harshly, but only for a moment, before he overpowers it with his own, massive body, just as searing against her skin. She registers the slick splat of her back against the wall, a grunt— missed this, baby, and her own feral howl as he slams into her. There’s no waiting, no tiptoeing, only his cock sealing them together furiously once more. 

One of her legs is hiked up impossibly far, hinging near his hip where his hand crushes her to him. The other leg holds her up— barely— heel raised, toes splaying for grip as she reaches higher. He’s just so big— so tall and so thick. So impossible to adequately open herself to without him fully lifting her but she wants to try so she does her best to meet his brutal pace, clinging around his neck desperately. 

If his fingers had filled her entirely, his cock is almost unbearable. She relishes it, though, the way she can almost feel him in her damn throat with each and every drag. It’s mesmerizing, the way there’s no need for adjustment— for remembering. He knows her body like it’s his own and it makes her drool with pleasure.   

The slapping of their skin together proves to be louder than the rush of the water, but not more so than Steve whose mouth is working over time, ladeling praises directly into her ear, soaked, stubbly chin grating deliciously against her temple.

“You look so pretty baby,” he hums, staring mesmerized at their bodies to where he slips in and out of her, “ look at you taking me so well.”  

And she does. 

It’s a lewd notion, the way she can see exactly where he is inside her by the way her belly ripples with his plunges, but one that makes her gasp nonetheless, spasming around him which is also visible to both of them. Loosening one of her hands from its vice grip on his shoulder, he places it on the exact spot, urging her to feel just how big he is. With every sloppy push and pull, she does feel it, and it sends her reeling.

“See that?” He rasps, and she can only nod, mouth agape enough for some of the water falling off his hair to drip into it. 

She swallows it, tongue somehow so, so dry despite everything. Her nerves are on fire, everything so much slower than it should be. 

The agonizing pull of his hand on hers, dragging her own fingers under his to toy with her clit. 

The little circles that take hours to complete but nurture the current running through her veins regardless. 

The fucking torturous in and out of his cock— taunting her, languidly pounding her for what feels like an eternity— she can’t think. She’s in the water but she feels under it, too, foggy and pent up. She just wants to cum—

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna—” 

“—Stevie!” 

She breaks through the sluggish pleasure into electric and all consuming waves, head falling against the wall as his hips stutter against hers, pumping once, then twice, before falling still. Each time, she clenches harder, babbling something gritty and foul and incomprehensible. Something along the lines of holy fucking shit baby but its blurred with searing, pulsing pleasure.

There’s stars behind her eyes and steam in her nose as he falls against her chest, sopping hair tickling her hypersensitive skin. Him pulling feels like what two exposed wires touching must— all sparky and hot. It’s too much. 

“Mmm, careful baby,” she mumbles and he chuckles. 

“Of course.” 

The rest is truly a lull. Steve doesn’t bother gathering their clothes, only her, carrying her limp body to the bed and carefully setting her under the covers, dripping and all, before joining her. If she weren’t so sleepy, she would have scolded him. But she is and her eyes are refusing to stay open, let alone give him that look. It’s all she can do = to seek his warm skin once more, slithering against his body and rooting herself there. 

Cauterized, or something like it. 

#Steve Rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #marvel smut #MCU smut #Avengers smut #dizzy is BACK #did you miss me?

[writers-ex]

who dat b

girlfriend!yuna x fem!reader

word count: 642

warnings: jealous yuna, established relationship, reader is a simp for another idol and yuna is not having it, argument, reader makes up with yuna, praise and fluff, suggestive ending, teasing yuna = dom!yuna <3, i mean no disrespect to jessi but i simp for her so she'll be mentioned here as the idol you simp :3

a/n: this was part of a fanfic exchange idea, i made this for @ryuttaeng based on this prompt list, hope you like it anastasia and fellow anons/followers <3

🔪 ★﹏★ % 金

"yuna yuna yuna!!! look!!! jessi unnie came out with a new song!! did you hear it?"

"jessi unnie has the sexiest body ever on the planet, true mommy material!" (facts)

"yuna jessi unnie is so sweet did you see what she did at the music bank?"

"oh jessi is perfect! just look at her!" holding your phone up you show yuna a photo of jessi from her latest instagram post. rolling her eyes yuna gives you a fake smile and gets up to grab something from the kitchen. "oh wait she's doing a live now!!" eagerly clicking the notification you watch with awe as your idol appears on the phone screen talking about her day and thanking the fans for everything. "oh unnie the things you do to my poor little heart ahhhhh~!!" squealing you hit a pillow holding on tightly to your phone when a loud noise startles you. turning your direction to the kitchen you see yuna's fist on the fridge door, her eyebrows furrowed.

"can you stop talking about them for one second? because frankly, i don't give a fuck about them or what they do to your poor little heart." with teeth bared she stomps over to the room leaving you frozen on the couch. jessi's voice wakes you up from your trance you look over at the open door and then back at your phone wondering if you should let yuna cool down or comfort immediately. turning off your phone you rush over to the room and see your girlfriend hugging your pillow, biting your lip you enter the room and take a seat next to her your heart racing faster than normal.

"babe..." turning over to face the wall you sigh and think of what to say, patting her thigh softly you wait a moment and then continue speaking. "you know she's just an idol i admire and not the person i love the most." seeing her shift her weight to face you better you take it as a sign to keep going.

"of course i would gush about my idol she's someone i support, you're the person i adore and cherish. you're the reason i get up in the morning and want to keep living." squeezing her thigh you watch her scowl turn into a doleful look. "your eyes make my heart race every time you glance my way. your lips are softer than cotton candy and if i dare say taste better too. your nose is perfect to rub against mine and to kiss when you're down or looking cute. don't even get me started on your fingers babe yuna your fingers make me-" covering your mouth with her hand you see yuna trying to bite back a smile from growing.

"shut up i understand already. were you shakespeare in your past life?" grumbling your ecstatic look makes yuna remove her hand and loosen her grip on the pillow. with a teasing tone, you poke her cheek and lean close to whisper into her ear.

"you should've let me finish babe." guiding her hand down to your throbbing pussy yuna inhales sharply at how much heat she could feel coming from your core. "give me a chance to prove what you do to my heart...after jessi's live stream though~" bragging you jump out of bed and make your way to the door, moving quickly yuna grabs the belt loop of your jeans and drags you back to lay on the bed. with a hungry look, she towers over you.

"and just where do you think you're going kitten?" squirming from her hand cupping your clit her cheeky smile that makes you blush. "let's get that heart racing now."

#hannie.writes #itzy hard hours #itzy hard thoughts #yuna hard hours #yuna hard thoughts #yuna x f reader #yuna x fem! reader #yuna x fem reader #yuna x reader #yuna ff #yuna imagines #yuna headcanon #yuna fluff #itzy yuna #itzy imagines #itzy imagine #itzy ff #itzy fanfic #yuna #itzy x fem!reader #itzy x fem reader #itzy x reader #ryuttaeng.txt

[roo-bastmoon]

BTS Tutorial: Pandora's Unlimited Looping

As Whoopi Goldberg once famously said in the movie Ghost: "You in danger, girl." Many chart accounts on Twitter are saying our streams have Jimin dropping out of the Top 20 already.

Looping on Pandora is a crucial strategy at a critical time when YouTube is deleting views, radio is reluctant, and our Spotify playlists must support several members. We must make use of all tools available.

Please read this post and share the link to this tutorial with all big accounts and your social media. We need all hands on deck.

Pandora is an old and trusted streaming service that counts for Billboard charts.

If you have a free 90-day premium trial, it lets you make your own playlist that you can loop for 24 straight hours without clicking around or signing in.

Here's why you don't want to just use the free version:

--the streams count three times LESS than premium streams

--Pandora will auto-play other songs in between the songs you want

--there are constant ads you have to sit through to get to a song

So just bite the bullet and use a free trial. It's good for months and they will remind you before you get charged!

Okay, so, let's assume you've been a good ARMY and you've made your free premium Pandora account.

You want to start straight away searching for songs to save into MY COLLECTION.

Today, we need to make a playlist to promote Face--specifically Like Crazy. (We can also use this strategy later to help all of BT'S songs. Our goal right now is to prevent freefall in Week 3 before D-Day is out. But this will be good practice for all our boys once we get it down pat, especially if YouTube doesn't get straightened out!)

My playlist looks like this:

Now look here. There are 1,440 minutes in a day. We know Like Crazy is 3:32 minutes long. In theory, you could loop this song 410+ times in a day and all those plays will count. We know that 150 premium streams is the equivalent of buying the song once, so looping like this is like buying the song twice that day.

THIS IS HOW WE BEAT THE DROP IN SALES AND CULLED VIEWS.

I am not saying you shouldn't buy. You should. In fact, both SHERRY and JIMIN FUNDS will be prioritizing Like Crazy digitals in Week 3, so please buy if you are US/PR ARMY and can make new accounts!

Either way, when you make a Pandora playlist of all of Jimin's Like Crazy versions, remember to click that loop button once on the bottom ribbon:

And then just sit back every day and let those streams pour in.

Puppykitties, I know you must be so tired. I have an eyestrain migraine a mile wide and am not supposed to be on the computer right now. I'm certain the last thing you want to do is delve into making new accounts when you're already working hard.

Word on the street is that using Pandora WORKS WONDERS:

We already know this is a tried and true technique for other K-pop fandoms whom I will not be mentioning here. I appreciate their hard work and respect the knowledge they've earned. Please leave them alone. ARMY needs to focus on BTS and make good use of the techniques they have learned.

For visual learners, here's an instructional video on setting up Pandora, but honestly, it's pretty intuitive.

PLEASE COPY THE LINK TO THIS TUTORIAL AND SEND IT TO EVERY MAJOR JIMIN-SUPPORTING ACCOUNT YOU KNOW ON TWITTER AND TUMBLR.

I know we have some very important conversations that need to be had, but I strongly feel we need to put shipping and solo discourse aside right now. We are losing precious time because ARMY is reluctant to use this app. But we cannot maintain buying records like we did for the first two weeks of Face.

We NEED to use Pandora--in addition to requesting radio play and using Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube, and Facebook-- and hope those streams supplement sales drops.

Please do not abandon any platform even if they frustrate you. I'm just saying I don't think I can over-emphasize how crucial Pandora is going to be for Week 3 for Jimin. And isn't Jimin what unites us all?

I really, really need your help to get all major Jimin accounts familiarized and on board with this, so Jimin fans can hop on Pandora early this week and go hard. It is the most effective use of our energy right now.

FIGHTING!

Love, Roo

P.S.

To my friends tagged below, any help spread the word is deeply appreciated. Thank you all!

@chikooritajjk

@stormblessed95

@shellbells-things

@ejassy

@mariajmajesty

@kanmom51

@kmgoogiemin

@sunandmoonjikook

@minggukieology

@dgtn

#jimin #park jimin #jikook #face by jimin #like crazy by jimin #BTS_Tutorial #Youtube

[lizzieonka]

Not so much a theory but just me trying to make sense of everything that's happened so far. This will be a stream-of-consciousness dump.

LINK CLICK S2E8 SPOILERS!!!

------------

So remember how, in season 1, when CXS changed something in the past, it would later reflect in their present? In the kidnapped child case, kid!CXS and adult!CXS had appeared at the same time. In the Xu Shanshan case, the gang received a mysterious call, which turned out to be because an alt!CXS had issued a challenged to red-eyes in the past.

So with that in mind, we can just focus on one timeline—the one being shown to us. Any changes made in alternate timelines would reflect in the present that the audience sees.

Our current present is LG saving CXS from being kidnapped, resulting in him taking his place.

Qiao Ling had hypothesized that maybe that wasn't Lu Guang but an alt-timeline!CXS because LG seemed more physically strong.

For this hypothesis to be true, CXS has to dive into the past as Lu Guang and rescue the past!CXS in one go. (A photo can only be used once.)

The chances of this going correctly is slim. Without Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi has no idea what's gonna happen while in the dive. He didn't even know what object Lu Guang used to break the window (it was definitely not the kettle!). Also, does he even know where to find a speedboat? How about driving one? And if you had looked closely in the LG and LTC fight, you can see that LG was always trying to avoid being touched by LTC. That means he already knows how his ability is activated. On the off-chance CXS manages to reach past!CXS on time, it will all be for naught anyway coz he won't able to defend against LTC.

That's why I think Qiao Ling is wrong. It was never an alt!LG. It was the real Lu Guang all along.

As for how to explain his improved physical state... well, that's something I don't have an answer yet for. I do believe in the alt-timeline/future Lu Guang theories, though. If LG is from the future, maybe he's had some time to train.

Another theory of mine is that LG didn't actually suddenly got better at martial arts. He just knew how Li Tianchen would move, so he was able to defend against him. (Maybe LG can see the future).

Or maybe Lu Guang had relived this rescue many times and only now did he finally get it right. (Time loop maybe?)

As for him being able to resist the pain of his injury... idk man, adrenaline, I guess? Love can make you desperate lol.

Anyways, writing-wise, it's so easy to just dump everything on Lu Guang coz he's still shrouded in mystery. He's always seemed like he knows a lot about their abilities, and who knows what the true extent of his abilities is.

If Cheng Xiaoshi can't do the rescue right in one go, then how are they gonna explain him diving a second time?

Also, I find it hard to believe that CXS would want to endanger Lu Guang many times while he's acting as him. If he just doesn't dive, won't Lu Guang be saved?

What's sus here is the photo LG left. Did he know CXS can open his phone, or was that a save point he had actually left for himself in case he fails to save CXS?

But why would he not bring his phone? Was he afraid the enemy would get ahold of it?

But without his phone, and by extension, the photo, how can he go back in time?

Maybe his time-travel ability doesn't require a photo? (LTC definitely didn't have a photo when he was controlling WJ and CXS. His ability was just activated by touch)

Come to think of it, CXS's ability is also activated by touch (clapping). What about Lu Guang? Maybe he has a touch-based ability, too. After all, they can have more than one abilities.

LG can see what happens in a photo, and thru CXS diving, he can also record it. If it's a CCTV, he can hijack it and make it his eyes.

LTC can possess someone directly, but he can also just bewitch them through touch.

CXS can go back in time, and he can also possess people

I have no idea where I'm going here... Still confused as ever

#link click #link click spoilers #link click meta #link click theory #miyamiwu.meta #miyamiwu.src

[snapscube]

Out of curiosity, how long did it take for you to 'click' with Dragon Quest XI? I've bounced off it a couple times over the years, but I think I finally am over the hump. (Just met Sylvando & did some horse racing, for ref.) Made me wonder if it took other people a bit to fully vibe with the game

It took exactly two tries, one of them way back in like 2018 or something where I rented the game from GameFly, turned it on, ran around for like 2 seconds before realizing it was about to be a very traditional JRPG and at the time I was not down for that so I shut it off. This "attempt" I mention only because it's funny and not because I think I was being reasonable in hindsight or even because I consider it a real try, I REALLY did not give it even more than a minute of consideration haha. It was so unfair but I was just That Bitch.

Cut to Years Later, August of 2022, I had been playing and really getting back into Yakuza 7 on stream but I ran into a dilemma where I wanted to play it ALL THE TIME, but I couldn't because I ran out of stuff to do off-stream that wouldn't progress a story or gameplay thing that I'd wanna share with people. So I was like "well damn, maybe I can fill the void with another JRPG along the same lines", and of course Dragon Quest is specifically name-dropped a ton of times during Y7 so that was my first thought. I went in thinking "From what I understand, this should be similar to Yakuza and scratch that itch!" and what I found was an incredible game that was really not very similar to Y7 at ALL and scratched an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT itch that I didn't even know I had. Rest is history :)

Edit: I guess I should also specify that I REALLY clicked with the game almost immediately on my second try. I don't even know why, I guess I just got lucky in that regard cause even for many of the RPGs I've tried since DQ11 it's taken a bit for a gameplay loop to settle. Not Dragon Quest though, that shit had me hooked from the jump the moment I was actually looking for it.

[boopers67]

A Working Theory of ISWM's Timeline

So, ISWM has been fully released and the explanation stream has gone up. After watching the stream, some things have finally clicked for me, so I decided to write out an explanation for what I think happened with all the warping timelines. As Mark has mentioned a few times, WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES MAKING CHOICES.

The Lady

The Lady actually has the easiest timeline to figure out. The first time we see her is in the wormhole hallway where she teleports in and tries to stop us before anything even starts. However, this is actually from the end of her personal timeline. The first time she meets us is in the Universal Stability Agency (normal version). She confronts us about the wormhole we created and then gets knocked out and we leave. When she wakes up, the entire universe is completely broken and evacuations are underway. This is where we encounter her in the broken down Agency. She has no clue what is going on but soon realizes that we are part of the incident that is responsible for this horrible catastrophe. She follows us into the wormhole and takes our crystal and device. However, when we exit, we still have our crystal. This is how she gets her own crystal to start following us through universes, attempting to fix the problem at its source. However, this creates more paradoxes as the same crystal starts existing at different places at the same point in time. Throughout the many times we encounter her, she has different levels of grime. She progressively gets more and more dirty and wounded as time goes by and we can track some of that through the presence of her eye bandage and leg bandage especially. She goes back to the very beginning and tries to stop it before it starts but fails. After many more attempts, we finally encounter her in the void after she got teleported there at the end of Part 1. This is the end of her timeline and we get to share a heart to heart before we reach our own end.

Old Man Mark

So the stream it is implied that Old Man Mark is from a previous iteration of the universe. A In Space: Part 0 if you will. He sends himself back in time to try and stop all of this from happening. But in doing so, he is causing a paradox and is part of the problem in the first place. He enters the ship on the same shuttle that we enter in on. Mark has stated that Old Mark is the reason that the shuttle crashed into the ship and whether this is because his weight threw off ship calculations or he purposely sabotaged it is unclear. Speaking of sabotage, we do catch glimpses of Old Mark as we move through the ship and each time we do, something goes wrong. He is the one who sabotages the ship and causes the catastrophic failures. Eventually we are able to confront him in the warp core room and he has many tricks up his sleeve. He has a fake hand, pocket sand, and many, many knives on him. Eventually, he manages to do what he planned and sends us and the warp core outside of the universe. This kickstarts the universal reboot and Part 2 of ISWM. We meet him in the diner at the end of the universe and he realizes that nothing he did fixed anything. He then instructs us to go tell his younger self to not go back. The last time we see him is at the diner at the end of the universe, at the end of the universe. He imparts some wisdom and a final gift - a handful of pocket sand.

Engineer Mark

Now Engineer Mark is a bit more tricky for me to nail down. Maybe I didn't see it, but it took a while for me to pin down exactly what the ending meant for the timeline. I had a hard time figuring out how the Mark we see at the beginning led to the Mark we see in the finale and Old Mark later on. Spending who knows how long looping and being alone trying to fix the machine will do horrors upon anyone's psyche, but the vitriol towards the Captain was something he hasn't had at all up until this point. And then I figured it out.

From Mark's perspective, all of this is our fault.

Engineer Mark was with us throughout all of Part 1, but was barely with us in Part 2. I believe that most of the Marks we see in Part 2 are alternate universe Marks. We travel to new universes each time we wormhole jump and we didn't take Mark with us into Part 2. He saw the Lady accuse us of ruining everything, both of us disappear into a wormhole, and then the warp core machine was gone and everything was wrong. We know that Old Mark was the one to send the warp core into the void outside of time, but Mark doesn't know that. He tries to fix everything, but nothing works. There is a version of him that we meet like this in Part 2 that is desperately fixing the ship, looking unkempt and halfway to what Old Man Mark turns into. The difference between this Mark and the one we meet in the ending is that he is able to get his hands on the warp crystal before we can leave. This Mark is able to power up the machine again and plans to send himself back in time because from his perspective, whatever we did caused things to go horribly wrong. This is when the large wormhole opens and we have the option to let him carry out his plan and go through or we can prevent that and hold on to him.

Let Go

And now we get to the juicy stuff. If we let him go through the wormhole, he is sent back an unknown amount of time. This, I believe, is where Old Man Mark came from. He spends a long time preparing for this and sneaks aboard the ship through our shuttle. He even brings along some of the things utilized against him when he last saw us - a pocketful of sand to through in our eyes and a fake hand so we can't get a grip on him. He finally brings us to a space outside of the universe where we can't hurt anybody anymore. However, the machine follows us. The paradox still isn't resolved. There are still two Marks and two crystals running around the timelines and the universe resets. From our perspective, we share a last moment with Ms. Whitacre and then the universe resets back to the beginning again. An endless loop of people trying desperately to fix a broken universe but ultimately making it worse. Everyone is a part of the problem they are trying to fix. The machine realizes the paradox and goes to our past/future self to give us the crystal. It needs a host to find the problem and fix it after all. And if we have the crystal in this future, it would be an even bigger paradox if we don't ever get it, right?

Hold On

As anyone who's played Heist remembers, we should never split up with Mark. Instead of sending him back through the wormhole, we take the warp crystal that started it all and throw it into the wormhole instead, sending it far away. This universe is still doomed, but no more will be pulled into this mess. There is no Old Mark to sabotage the ship, which means no waking up early, which means no getting the crystal stuck to our hands, which means no warp jumping and universal collapse. The universe resets and we see our new one, one where everything went as planned and we find our new home after a long, but uneventful space voyage. Of course, other universes were still affected by us, including the one where our errant warp crystal ended up in, but that's a discussion for another day.

#markiplier #in space with markiplier #iswm #theory #a post of my very own #i'm proud of this #please feel free to give me feedback #there are some more things i want to talk about #but i'll add on to this later

[thesinglesjukebox]

GUNNA - "FUKUMEAN"

From Daniel, a post-release single that reached the top 5 in the US (and #1 in *checks notes* Latvia?)...

[4.85]

Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: I'll be honest, I really thought Gunna's career was over after taking a plea deal related to Young Thug's ongoing RICO case. Hip hop doesn't like the potential of cooperation with the law, let alone snitching, so we had several months of high-ranking peers throwing shots at Gunna and op-eds with titles like "Did Gunna's Plea Deal Get Him Shunned?" Regardless, "Fukumean' is the biggest hit of his post-"Drip Too Hard" career; whatever his billion-stream track with Nav sounds like, it doesn't have the narrative of overcoming struggle and shrugging off the naysayers. Which is hilarious because this is very much business as usual, a triplet-tripping filip with a genderless chorus of synthetic sneers every few beats: "FUCK YOU MEEEANNN?!?" I couldn't tell you a single memorable bar that Gunna delivers here, and yet this song has been stuck in my head all year. It's the least defiant show of public defiance in some time, the "Dust Off Your Shoulder" mantra as an eyeroll, a club-engineered megahit that doesn't tidy up click-clacking sounds of swaying jewellery or clinking ice cubes by the microphone. It's not laziness, or rebellion, or pretending everything's okay, but some weird amalgamation of the three and I don't know what the fukthatmeans. [6]

Oliver Maier: I've written before that Gunna's real strength is an ear for beats that suit his bleakly restrained style. That's true here: the "ee-yah" noise is an unlikely earworm that I can imagine other rappers instantly passing on, but this lacks the winning stupidity of "pushin P", the sugariness of "SKYBOX" or "DOLLAZ ON MY HEAD", or whatever "Speed It Up" has that makes me love it so much. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I still listen to Gunna in desperate hope that I can one day reclaim the pure glee I experienced the first time I heard "Drip Too Hard." This doesn't quite get there -- Gunna (understandably) sounds slightly defeated here -- a resolute figure of survival, but not one that's having all that much fun even as he talks about "shittin on all you lil' turds." And if you deliver that line deadpan I'm not sure we have the same musical goals. [5]

Will Adams: Three things: an annoyed and/or annoying "...yeah?"; the title hook, delivered as a schoolyard taunt; "shittin' on all you lil' turds". Even at two minutes, "Fukumean" is light on ideas, and the ones available are only kind of good. [4]

Ian Mathers: Some songs would get by on either the "fuck you mean?" bit of the "a-yup" bit, and they'd be fine. Using both well in about two minutes that also fits in a compelling performance from Gunna (lots of lines are just sticking with me, I've been muttering "I see the ho with precision/Get rich my only decision" to myself for a bit) ought to be gilding the lily, but it feels just about right. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Every "eeeyahh" is methodical, consuming, and withering: "Fukumean" isn't an all out assault of swagger so much as a series of waves meant to drag you out from shore. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: My immediate reaction was to think of the repeated squeaking in "The Box," but this is a track so deflated and bare that everything is reduced to a haze. The hook is so much of a non-presence it's hard to care -- it's sung with the insistence of children fighting sleep. [4]

Micha Cavaseno: Gunna's been boring before, so him half-heartedly going in over a particularly uninspired detuned piano loop here isn't a disappointment as much as it's further validation of how little he's ever had going on for him as a rapper. Hell, the best part of this song isn't even himself, it's the backing vocal chorus (which truthfully has nothing to do with him and might even overshadow him?). But yeah, Gunna remains one-note as ever though I'm glad he's separated himself from perhaps the most noxious legal trial to ever involve rapper(s). I'll take Atlanta's rap scene being unlistenable over their rap scene being mass incarcerated any day. [2]

Taylor Alatorre: Opinions may differ on this, but I personally don't enjoy being yelled at. I don't have this issue with Bone Crusher on "Never Scared" or Lil Jon on "Bia' Bia'," who are both much louder, but for some reason I can't help feeling that the Greek chorus (Atlantan chorus?) in "Fukumean" is shouting the title phrase at me specifically. Like, what did I do, Gunna? I mostly liked a Gift & a Curse! The song's official instrumental includes neither this hook nor the possibly Sho Madjozi-inspired "iyah" vocalization; going by the YouTube comments bemoaning their absence, it's these two elements that have most fueled its staying power. They do indeed make it memorable, and instantly recognizable in a public setting. Apart from those steady drips of attitude, though, there just isn't much to feed on here. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: "A music writer handed a Gunna song to discuss finds himself confronted by several problems, not the least which is the necessity of squaring with his conscience the fact he is discussing Gunna at all." -- mostly copied from James Baldwin on James M. Cain's The Moth in The Cross of Redemption, page 291. [0]

Brad Shoup: Might be the absurd amount of Post Malone I streamed this year, but I'm trying not to underrate the modern compact pop-rap single. But he doesn't have any lines better than the (very good) hooks. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Rarely does one hear a track with such monumental determination to not bang. In a way, it's impressive. [5]

Alfred Soto: Dependent on its hook, this obscene banality barely exists -- a bit like Gunna himself. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

#gunna #rap #hip-hop #music #music writing #music reviews #music criticism #the singles jukebox #Youtube

[m3thodicalmadn3ss]

Who Did This to You?

Been listening to some playlists and my hand slipped ;)

“Who did this to you?” The familiar voice might as well have been asking about the weather with its tone.

Theo huffed gingerly in response. Careful not to move his body an inch, Theo lowered his gaze from staring at the shadowy hospital ceiling to the owner of the voice standing at the foot of the bed. Because of course he was here, police guard and visiting hours be damned.

“Why,” Theo rasped – damn, this was already not going well, “so you can send them a thank you card?”

The figure’s blurry form shifted in the dark. “You always assume the worst of me. What happened to the clear, unprejudiced eye of journalism?”

It was a familiar line, usually delivered with a teasing smile or affronted gasp. This time though, the words felt a hair strained. Or maybe Theo was just too tired for their usual dance. “My bad,” he said instead. “Old habits.”

The figure shifted again, perhaps more awkwardly this time – it was hard to tell, between the darkness and –

“Could you hand me my glasses?” Theo asked, thankfully less raspy this time. “Can’t see shit.”

“Oh, right.” Nemesis finally came closer to the head of the bed, now a slightly brighter blur from the glow of the nightlight as he rummaged through the side table.

“They’re busted to hell,” he said after a moment.

Theo sighed. “Well, we’ll match.”

“Worse, if possible. You’re down a lens and ear loop. Twisted bad, too.”

Theo groaned. Of all the moments, it had to be when he’d just bought new frames. “Never mind, then. Probably wouldn’t have fit on my face right now anyway.”

“Yeah, the swelling’s pretty bad.” Nemesis straightened and came into Theo’s line of ‘sight’ once more. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Fuck you.”

Nemesis chuckled. “No, really.”

“…I dunno, four?”

Nemesis chuckled again. “Guess that means I can finally take this off.”

Theo froze as Nemesis’s blurry outline reached for his blurry face and he heard the click of a released clasp. “You sick bastard.”

Theo could hear Nemesis smile as the asshole pulled up a chair. “Careful now,” the man gloated, “swearing is bad for recovery.”

Theo desperately tried to squint Nemesis into view, to no avail. After all the teasing, cajoling, practically begging for a glimpse of Nemesis’s face off the record of course, promise, NOW the man decides to get comfortable. “I can’t believe you. This is the worst thing you’ve ever done.”

Nemesis dramatically inhaled. “The air really feels different without the filter, I should have tried this ages ago.”

“You-” Theo launched into a steady stream of insults, featuring several creative variations of ‘fuck.’ Nemesis’s shoulders shook with stifled laughter, further fueling Theo’s hushed tirade. There were supposed to be police around after all. Couldn’t risk getting interrupted.

“Back to the original question,” Nemesis interrupted, becoming suddenly somber. “Who did this?”

Theo stopped squinting, suddenly no longer interested in looking anywhere in Nemesis’s direction. “It was dark,” he said, quite unconvincingly.

“This isn’t a source for you to protect, Theo. They hurt you – who was it?”

“I’ll handle it myself.”

“By writing another article? You sure they didn’t come because of the last one?”

Theo winced slightly, then tried to pass off the slip as pain.

“Jesus, that’s it, isn’t it?”

“You can say ‘I told you so?’” Theo offered.

“I fucking told you so,” Nemesis snapped, rising to his feet, already reaching to clip his mask back into place.

“Don’t, please,” Theo said.

“You’ll still get to write your sequel,” Nemesis growled, then paused. “And they’ll get to read it.” It seemed to physically pain him to say it.

“I don’t agree with this.”

“That’s good, stick with that. Plausible deniability.”

“Christ, you could have just brought flowers!”

Nemesis barked a laugh as he turned to leave. “With your allergies? I think not.”

#writing prompt #who did this to you #original character #short story #original fiction #enemies to lovers #supervillain

[kelmcdonald]

How is it already April?

crossposted from my newsletter.

Thanks to everyone who came to Emerald City and stopped by! While I did recover from my sinus infection before going, my throat/voice didn't come back until like a week or 2 ago.

This month I'm redoing the Fame and Misfortune live reading. If you don't remember, when I did it in February my mic was broken. I have a new mic! So take two of the live reading is happening! Tune into my twitch on April 22nd at noon PST.

This month is also the release month of The Lizard Prince and Other South American Stories. This is the last Cautionary Fables and Fairytales volume. Iron Circus told me they will get the warehouse at the end of the month. Then it can start going out to backers and stores! 

Also, I want to give a shout out to my pal Matt Wilson's Zoop campaign, Imposter Syndicate. It's about folks who are hired to take over supervillian mantles after a supervillian dies or goes to jail. It has 11 days left to fund. 

Also this month's full moon movie is The Wolf Man, the one for the 40s. If you'd like to join we'll be watching it on April 6th at 4pm PST. Just click here to join the discord.

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

March kicked my ass. Between Emerald City and being sick, I had a lot to catch up on. Both from Seven Seas, Iron Circus, and my comics all had a stack of work to finish up. Honestly, I'm kinda depressed about the fact that I still haven't been able to finish Blue Moon. While Spike is understanding about the delays (given that organizing crowdfunds for her is part of the delay), I'm frustrated at the lack of progress. 

I'm also kinda frustrated with my art lately. Last month I mentioned I might have to put You are the Chosen One on hiatus after the current chapter, but I think I might switch to every other week. It's only way I'm gonna have time to push myself on it the way I want. Regardless, I'd rather wait for Chapter 3 to wrap up before making that schedule change. Until then. I'll just be tired I guess.

But because I don't know any better, I started learning Japanese from Duolingo and Rosetta Stone. I appreciate that they are small enough lessons that I can do them little bit by little bit.  Anyway, while working this is what I've been watching and reading:

History of the World Part 2 - I basically grew up on Mel Brooks movies. I've seen all his movies before graduating high school. So when Hulu said it was making a History of the World Part 2 series, I had to watch it. I didn't quite know what to expect, but had to check it out. Like many sketch shows, the sketches are hit or miss. But when it's funny it's REALLY funny. Johny Knoxvill plays Rasputin in a jackass parody that shows all the way Rasputin is killed and it's so much funnier than it has any right to be. It's definitely worth a watch if you like Mel Brooks.

Palm Springs - This is another comedy where I didn't know what to expect. Groundhog Day but starring Andy Samberg didn't strike me as super original but the trailer looked funny, so I put it on while drawing. It was not only funny but much more heartfelt than I expected. Andy Samberg's characters starts the movie as having already been in the time loop for a long time. He has to relive a wedding he's a guest at over and over. The movies starts when the sister of the bride gets trapped in the timeloop with him. Having two people in the time loop gives it more interesting dynamic than the usual timeloop story. Both characters' different approach to the timeloop adds push and pull to the relationship. And it is just really funny. 

Tár - Right before Emerald City Comic Con a youtuber I like, Maggie Mae Fish, made a video about this movie. And how it examines how people abuse power. The basic summary of the movie is Tár is a conductor at the top of her field and she keep abusing her power, mostly to sleep with/date/groom young attractive women that work for her. It's an interesting movie because if it was about a man it would be a cliche. But because Tár is a woman, the movie can focus on the details and specifics of her abuse of power. There is a lot of attention to detail that helps the movie work on another level. I think if I say anything more, then I'd end up getting into spoilers/would basically be writing an essay about it.

Wolf Pack - I thought this was a sequel to MTV's Teen Wolf. And it is not. It has the same show runner and effects team, so it LOOKS like it should be connected to Teen Wolf, but instead it's much more serious. Which is kinda a shame. The show is kinda stiff in its seriousness. There are interesting bits here and there, like all the werewolves only get one werewolf power unless they are all together. But in its attempt to be series, it also tries to throw in one too many twists and then ends the show by taking a sharp turn into ableist messaging. 

Witch Hat Atelier Volume 1 by Kamome Shirahama - Last month I mentioned I've been listening to the podcast Mangasplaining. This and the next pick are the first of what will probably be several manga I check out based on that podcast. I had been recommended Witch Hat Atelier before and just put it off because time. Mangasplaining reviewing it was the final push I needed. They basically mentioned that magic in this series is 100% a metaphor for art. And appropriately, the art is just so beautiful that it's inspiring. I think it and Ghost Cage were part of what made me think I need to take the time to level up my art.

Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui - This series I read a bunch of before the pandemic and then the library stopped being up to date on it/interrupted me checking em out regularly. If you aren't familiar, it's about dnd style adventurers exploring a dungeon and experimenting with cooking the monsters they kill (so they don't have to go back for supplies). It's almost over so I went and grabbed the books I hadn't read yet (like 5 I think). This one is really cute and I've liked how the plot has developed from the original premise to something with more complicated.

Ghost Cage by Nick Dragotta and Caleb Goellner - I picked this up because I know both Nick and Caleb. They had the first few issues at SDCC and I made a note to grab the trade when it's out. The premiss is this little robot guy has to fight personifications of what humans use for power (above is Fossil Fuel). The art is the real star of the show. It looks cool as hell and it is the star of the show. The paneling is really rad and interesting. Like I said with Witch Hat Atelier, it left me inspired to try and up my art.

Backpacking through Bedlam (Book 12 in Incryptid series) by Seanan McGuire - The Incryptid series is about a family of Cryptozoologists. This books picks up right after a semi cliffhanger from the last book. It's kinda hard to talk about it on its own. I liked it but I kinda wish it and the book right before it were one book.

That's everything I've been from me this month. I hope I can get a little more time to focus on stuff.

#newsletter #kelmcdonald #comics #werewolves #twitch #the city between #you are the chosen one #witch hat atelier #nick dragotta #ghost cage #tar #history of the world part 2 #palm springs #delicious in dungeon

[anxiouslyextroverted]

lore lol

So, I saw a lot of people calling ctommy and idiot and that he's missing the point so I wanna explain why he is 'acting like an idiot' and why he assumes cdream is targetting him.

People are saying that cdream was minding his own business and that cdream had said over and over again that he wasn't targetting ctommy, but why on earth would ctommy believe him? Whats the reason that ctommy would ever trust someone who he knows manipulates him and lies constantly. Ctommy has perfect reasons to fear cdream, to follow cdream and to believe cdream is targetting him.

The prison arc, where cdream wants to be immortal with ctommy, the discfinale where he especially makes it clear he needs c!tommy alive (yes it was staged but c!ommy may still believe cdreams motives in that situation.) He often struggles knowing what cdreams true motivations are in general. Its hard to tell since cdream lies so often. The chase scene where cdream tells ctommy he would revive and kill him again over and over and then later makes a weird disc for him and puts signs everywhere.

This encourages the paranoia in ctommy, if it wasn't l'manberg days, pogtopia or even exile, then it was that reunion Primeboys lore that had him concluding that cdream just wants to mess with him. You add on that cdream admits that he had cranboo explode the prison to trap Tommy. Even though cdream claims that he had other people he was focusing on, ctommy has seen through time and time again that he was cdreams main focus.

So why did he go after c!dream? when he was free?

He wasn't free and he knew he wouldn't be free, (even if c!dream never messed with c!tommy ever again) c!tommy obviously wouldn't believe that considering every single thing hes went through. He goes after c!dream because seeing cdream being villanous at las nevadas made him click back into place that c!dream should be dead. But, other than that c!tommy is clearly regressing a lot in the stream, talking about l'moonberg, making a new country, talking about his past. He is recycling back and fourth just as cdream said, because its a form of escaping, escaping the present, going back to the past because in his eyes, l'manberg was his home and it was peaceful. The past to him was fun and entertaining, it was nothing like how he lived recently, isolated, drunk on invis potions and now, stuck with the worst situation possible. So yeah, he didn't think straight but I can't blame him. He's stuck in a horrible loop and just wants to be happy again.

#dsmp lore #hot take ig idk #primeboys #tommy #c!tommy #defense #its not written or structured wel because my brain is lbeiosgoe ok but i tried #feel free to debate if u want idm #being reckless does not mean you are stupid #my guy ctommy has way too much trauma that hes even starting to follow c!dream around like fuck

[onlylaboum]

To be honest, I usually don't reblog your posts BECAUSE of the passive-aggressive tone you often use. It's just kpop. I like Laboum but it won't end my life if they're not world famous. I just want to enjoy music and stages and all their content happily, not create a second job for myself as their unseen manager. It's okay if that's how you stan and have fun but it's not for me.

I'm worried you'll answer this really angrily but I saw your recent post and wanted to let you know how some people might be feeling. I'll still be following for updates and gifsets and stuff! 💜

people were (also barely) liking instead of sharing my posts also before i expressed my frustration w this stuff so idt that's the issue.

on twitter i'm much more active nowadays bc at least there there's a few more active latte, but still very few compared to even other nugu groups that have similar numbers in streams.

i never said i liked spending so much time on LABOUM. i am aware i have an internet addiction and have been hyperfixating on the group to avoid stressing out about worse things in my daily life.

not just me but also other latte i talk to on twitter and tiktok are really fucking burned out from how much we try to do. i don't think being a stan should be a day job. i sure would love if people shared shit we post though instead of keep scrolling or give a like once a month, which does virtually nothing. we wouldn't have to stress out so much if people actually engaged with things we did. we try to encourage ppl to use apps to win youtube ads for Laboum (which worked but slowly, it's how we made Kiss Kiss finally reach 1 million views), we ask people to give feedback, to maybe watch a video or play a streaming playlist, or partake in a game, or to buy an album or share an MV with friends.

the way that a lot of people don't do that sht, the way that in MONTHS no new people have followed their twitter or youtube, the way that barely anyone talks about them online, does in fact signify that people don't care about Laboum. not everyone needs to be an active social media user or anything ofc, but this degree of lack of attention? unless when it's about a disbandment prediction, joking about the girls' horrible experiences at their expense, or fake interest in the group only on certain conditions, shit doesn't get attention.

the girls had viral tiktok videos a bunch of times, but the majority of the people watching have no fucking clue who they are or that they aren't just actors, and it's just me and 1 other Latte trying to respond to tired comments calling the members by names of characters they played, or "ZN" which is Jinyea's old stage name. if ONLY there were a few more Latte who would leave a comment or two for once as well, the few of us wouldn't have to deal with trying to inform the general public abt Laboum.

people not sharing shit abt LABOUM is one of the main reasons why so may ppl now think they disbanded, and why you see a bunch of kpop fans who claim they're a fan of LABOUM but have been out of the loop w them for 3-6 years. it doesn't help that their domestic fanbase consists of mainly loser incels who don't dare to fucking talk about the group unless when being petty about Yulhee or creepy about their bodies.

and i know tumblr kpop fans LOVE only looking at stupid fucking gifs and not clicking on the videos they're from, acting as if streaming is a fucking punishment from hell instead of just playing a fucking song or playlist you like in the background, and acting as if it's a shocker when groups aren't doing well when so fucking few people who pretend to be a fan actually listen to music or read or watch anything new or buy music. considering your purple heart use, you should KNOW how supporting musicians works. as much as i hate the competitiveness and commodity in the music industry, likes alone never helped artists.

so yeah i'm passive-aggressive bc im trying to fucking encourage people to do something more than say they like Laboum but never dare to mention their name nor recommend a song nor share anything about them. i wouldnt be so fucking frustrated if i saw some more hype aside from from clickbait content and gg stans who just namedrop them for edgy crappy jokes.

Laboum don't need to be world famous and i don't think they will be per se, but they are really unknown. unless people do something more than just quietly listen to them once every blue moon and don't engage in anything Latte are asking or encouraging people to do, they will remain as extremely unknown as right now and disband when their contracts end in summer 2023.

other Latte are feeling the same frustrations as i do and feel exhausted. anyone who knows Laboum's story and the international, knows how small it is and how frustrated we are. this shouldn't be a surprise if you've talked to any Latte. i am familiar with how reserved fans are in this fandom. when trying to set up projects before for their anniversaries, it ended with me and only 1 other Latte in a skype call, no communication from the rest, and them not daring to partake any projects or plans anymore. that felt really disappointing.

so no, i don't find fun in being so stressed and active in trying to promote LABOUM to such an extent bc me and a few others are trying to do work for multiple ppl and for free at that. but all we ask is basic stuff like 'please also share posts' or 'hey check out and share this new song cover'. it's already ridicilous i have to ask ppl to share posts bc they refuse to, whether i ask or not.

if that's too much work, are people really interested in the group???? the thing is also that if other people, at least a few more, do a little more than nothing, it would actually make more people discover the group on their own socials, become fans, and partake in fandom. we wouldn't be so burned out if there were more than like 5-20 accounts trying to do so much bc no one else will. e.g. we emailed the company to demand translators and it hired one, but then barely anyone watched LABOUM's newer youtube videos and so that was kind of abandoned too. no views or attention = a sign that people aren't interested = no new content. that's how it works.

#i can be as passive aggressive as i want when i see LABOUM being shit-talked for over 5 years #and mismanaged poorly and waste time on this garbage website to make posts that no one bothers showing to their followers #like if this doesnt reach new fans then what am i doing it for? #2 or 3 people who sort of like their songs and some gifs but no content and are too embarrassed to share laboum stuff? #you can continue to not share posts as you want just like people didnt BEFORE i ever complained abt it #you can also unfollow idk #i need sleep and im annoyed w how many fcking words it took me to write this. its prob very repetitive #im not good at making gifs and it's a hassle so thanks i guess but i dont want to be a gif maker #asks #anon

[chaosye]

The Shallows (2010) by Nicholas G. Carr - Book Review

Began: Dec 01 2021 Finished: Dec 28, 2021

Summary

This book is part historical, part scientific review, which its main premise emphasizing that the internet has changed our brains down to a physical level. This conclusion is pulled from the development of previous intellectual technologies - such as the map, clock, and book - and their enormous effects on creating new forms of abstract thinking, as well as contemporary neuro and psychological studies on the effects of computer use. His primary concerns are around how the internet encourages us to think shallowly, and to be incredibly easily distracted - hurting our ability to think and create unique and human creations.

Reflections

As I found this book and decided to read it, I was feeling that I have deeply fallen into a social media addiction. The only websites I looked at were Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, and the most painful of all was TikTok. I was checking them incredibly often, and constantly. Looking at those sites, repeatedly, on rotation, eventually feels not just mentally draining, making me irritable and wanting to toss my phone at the wall, but physically painful. I had previously created rules around social media consumption (only twice a day, only check if you're also posting) but those fell apart easily in the last year during the pandemic.

This is the second whole, thoughtful, book I've read since going to college. I found it while searching for Pulitzer Prize winning books, and it looked very, very relevant to how I was feeling at the time. (The first was Factfulness, which was also a nice read and great for grounding.) The sentiment of the book was something I already agreed with - probably why it was easy to pick up - and a lot of the information contained was facts I knew in scattered ways, but lacked detailed information on. I knew about short-term memories 7-or-fewer subject limit, but did not know that long-term memory required protein synthesis - a process modulated by dopamine and serotonin. I knew vaguely about ELIZA but not about the computer science field's strong refusal of the creator's hesitations around widespread use to substitute humans. I knew very little about the history of books and writing - particularly around enormous changes in practice like silent reading and the development of punctuation. I hadn't really thought about the concept of intelllectual technologies - and that the main reason they are so impactful is because they've created new dimensions of abstract thinking for us.

I definitely needed the reminder that Google (and by extension, all other new social media) is in the market of maximizing my velocity in using tech services. Nowadays, you really feel it - especially as every social media platform has copied from each other, and copied from TikTok's mastery of velocity-maximizing as well. Xinn was telling me, that with Instagram, you could get caught up scrolling down the page, click on a Reel, accidentally back and be brought back up to the top of the feed, see the Stories, and continue scrolling down for infinity. A loop of constant and multimedia streams. I think while reading this book I thought a lot about platforms like Tumblr and how they're viewed as either dead or dying - while by far it's the platform that feels the best to me to use. The sense of humor there is well-maintained, its suggestions are unobstrusive, and it's multimedia in a manageable way. It's a blogging platform first, and a social media platform second - and even though it feels mostly like social media, the design prioritizing blogging has kept it from taking a mammoth share of things. Near the end of this book was also when Tumblr enacted a new ban for iOS users - banning a huge swathe of pornographic, LGBT, and social justice related tags.

How do I feel about how I read this book and how I'm reflecting on it? In my note-taking, I think it could've been more useful to focus more on writing summaries, rather than only copying disparate quotations. I started doing this later on in the book. Is this practical to do for every book I read? Probably not - but it would be a good exercise for non-fiction, and maybe just for reflections for fiction. It's nice to write, and I haven't pursued too many outlets for that since college.

I feel like my behaviors haven't been seriously altered by reading this book, but I am feeling a greater consciousness as I'm using media, and am really noticing how distracted I get, and how easily my brain floats through the internet's feed. I regularly feel disappointed that I'm not spending more time with my mom or Xinn, but when I do I'm not sure what to say or do. Xinn mentions that one way they control their social media usage is also to not get too frustrated with themselves about it - if you can't do anything but unproductive things, then it is what it is.

Notes

Main premise: The internet, like most major inventions and communication technologies, change not only how we communicate, but the way we think.

Major inventions that have done the same in the past include the map (creating a way of viewing the world in abstraction), the clock (removing us from cyclical time, and creating a way we can think in abstraction), and the book (allowing private writing without the scribe/orator duo, mass proliferation of all types of written media).

Chapter 4 Tools of the Mind

With maps "Our intellectual maturation as individuals can be traced through the way we draw pictures, or maps, of our surroundings. We begin with primitive, literal renderings of the features of the land we see round us, and we advance to ... more abstract representations of geographic and topographics space. We progress ... from drawing what we see to drawing what we know." "As we go through this process, we are also acting out the entire history of mapmaking."

With clocks - the Cistercian Christian monks were the first to demand a precise measurement of time, to divide the day in regimented suqeunce of activites in worship of god, and those monasteries made the first mechanical clocks. As it spread, "it was no longer enough for every town to follow its own clock - now it had to be the same everywhere."

The personal clock became a continual reminder to it sowner of time used, spend, waste lost; "prod and key to personal achievement and productivity."

Chapter 5 The Deepening Page

Originally, all writing was done by a trained scribe, typically writing down what an orator was saying. Early writing had no punctuation marks or spaces, and was literally only to record - not meant for easy or quick reading. It was also meant to read aloud since that made it easier to read the crammed text - where reading in silence was considered extremely strange.

Major developments were page numbers, punctuation, spaces, cheaper materials (clay/parchment -> wax tablets -> paper) and double-sided pages.

Private writing alongside silent reading became more common in the Middle Ages, and led to writers to write subjects that were far more private and controversial.

On silent reading: "The medieval bishop Isaac of Syria described how, whenever he read to himself, "as in a dream, I enter a state when my sense and thoughts are concentrated. Then, when with prolonging of this silence the turmoil of memories is stilled in my heart, ceaseless waves of joy are sent me by inner thoughts, beyond expectation suddenly arising to delight my heart."

SIlent education and private reading came to dominate broader culture as reading became easier. Private cloisters and carrels for vocal reading where replaced by large public library rooms.

"All great men have written proudly, nor cared to explain," said Emerson. "They knew that the intelligent reader would come at last, and would thank them."

Reading is not a natural action - it's something that we could only do with the new technology of writing and literature. One of the important lessons of neuroplasticity is that our nemntal capacities can be realigned to put to other use - like using our innate discipline to follow a text. But our neuroplasticity can allow us to molded in ways we appreciate, and ways we do not.

Chapter 6 A Medium of the Most General Nature

In Alan Turning's 1936 paper "On Computable Numbers" he wrote to show that there is no such thing as a perfect system of logic, and that some things will never be true or false AKA "uncomputable." Instead, a programmable computer could be programmed to perform the function of any other information-processing device. a "universal machine"

"All digital computers are in a sense equivalent" and are "a machine of the most general nature."

Early web services were just text, but quickly became multimedia - images, videos, hyperlinks, ads, audio, and more.

Before the net, media was fragmented - different technologies progressed along differents path with specia-purpose tools. Books and newspapers did text, TV did video, CDs did audio, etc. With the net, they are all accessible through one common source.

A new medium is never an addition to an old one - it never ceases to oppress the older media until it finds new shapes and positions for them.

"A search engine often draws our attention to a particular snippet of text, a few words or sentences that have strong relevance to whatever we're searching for at the moment, while providing little incentive for taking in the work as a whole. We don't see the forest when we search the Web. We don't even see the trees. We see twigs and leaves."

Our computers have become an "ecosystem of interruption technologies"

Chapter 7 The Very Image of a Book

Hyperlinks are opportunities for distractions

Changes in reading bring changes in writing style - e.g. the Japanese cellphone novels on Maho no i-rando

Publishers in the early 2000s like O'Reilly integrated multimedia into typical books or textbooks - links to or in-line video, audio, or chatrooms/note comparions between readers.

"They will increasingly tailor their work to a milieu that essayist Caleb Crain describes as "groupiness" where people read mainyl for the sake of a feeling of belonging" ratehr than for personal enlightment or amusement"

This definitely already happened - but with social media I'm sure it's increased (and to an extent is why I read this book. I don't think this is inherently a bad thing - education serves a similar purpose sometimes.)

Electrical text is impermanent

Not heavily looked at in this book, but things like video/post censorship/deletion/archival, or even physical disc rot show how precarious digital media is.

Regarding the classics "If you lack the time, the interest, or the facility to inhabit a literary work - to make it your own in the way (Alberto) Manguel describes - then of course you'd consider (War and Peace) to be too long, and not so interesting"

David Levy in Scrolling Forward described seeing the first operationg system that could multitask - show multiple windows at once with different programs.

Some saw efficiency, some recoiled - "Why in the world would you want to be interrupted - and distracted - by e-mail while programming?"

In our use of computers, "we have rejected the intellectual tradition of solitary, single-minded concentration, the ethic that the book bestowed on us. We have cast our lot with the juggler."

Chapter 8 The Jugger's Brain

If you wanted to create a device that rewired our mental circuits as quickly and thoroughly as possible - you'd have something like the internet. Repetitive, intensive, interactive, and addictive sensory and cognitive stimuli that have proven alterations in brain circuits and functions.

Not all distractions are bad - that's why "sleeping on it" works. However, Ap Dijksterhuis's work at the Unconscious Lab at Radboud University states that "If we don't have a particular intellectual goal in mind, unconscious thought does not occur."

The constant distraction from the net encourages a different state of being, "distracted from distraction by distraction" (TS Eliot), very different from the termporary, purposeful diversion of our mind tha refreshes our thinking when weighing a decision.

People's brains physically change in response to surfing the web. Long-term memory is created through protein synthesis that develops neurons.

"The Web returns us to the time of scriptura continua, when reading was a cognitively strenuous act."

Through single-minded concentration, we can transfer all info, thimbleful by thimbleful, to long-term memory and forge the rich associations essential to the creation of schemas. With the internet, we face many information faucets going at full blast, and our thimble overflows as we rush from one to another - tiny portions able to make it into long-term memory. "What we do transfer is a jumble of drops from different faucets, not a continuous, coherent stream from one source."

A high cognitive load amplifies the distractedness we experience - something that may be linked to ADD due to it causing the overloading of working memory.

"Try reading a book while doing a crossword puzzle; that's the intellectual environment of the internet"

More hyperlinks on a page = more cognitive load, and greater distractedness for anyone trying to consume that media.

The Web plays to our tendency to overvalue what is happening right now. "We crave the new even when we know that the new is more often trivial than essential." - Christopher Chabris at Union College

So, we ask the internet to keep interrupting us in more and different ways. We willingly accept the loss of concentration and the the fragmentation of our thoughts in return for the wealth of diverting information we receive. Tuning out is not an option many can consider.

When reading a book, people eyes tend to jump across the page in saccades -pausing briefly at different points ion each line. On the web, people read in an F shape - reading the first line, scanning down quickly, and randomly reading other lines to determine if the info is worthwhile, and only demands a few seconds of attention.

People spend more time reading thatn ever, but it's a 'screen-based reading behavior', characterized by browsing and scanning, keyword spotting, one-time reading, and non-liner reading" - Ziming Liu at San Jose State

Chapter 9 A Digression on the Buoyancy of IQ Scores

The Flynn effect found that as time has passed, IQ scores have risen.

However, James Flynn, the founder of this phenomenon, does not believe it's flatly because people are getting smarter, though that's the usual assumption. It's more likely because:

Our education systems teach in a way consistent with how an IQ system would score people

Specific types of intelligence are getting better (mental rotation of geometric forms, pattern recognition, and sequencing shapes) while others have shown no improvement (memorization, general knowledge, basic arithmetic) or have gotten worse (critical reading, writing skills)

In the early days of the IQ test, people were mostly workers - "living in a world of substance rather than symbol, they had little cause or opportunity to think about abstract shapes and theoretical classification schemes." For various economic and technological reasons, abstract reasoning moved into the mainstream.

Chapter 10 The Church of Google

Frederick Winslow Taylor began study of efficient industrial systems for workers during the Industrial Revolution through time-and-motion studies - creating the now commonly accepted standard that manufacturers should seek maximum speed, efficiency, and output. This brought about a "restructuring not only of industry but of society, creating a utopia of perfect efficiecny. In the past the man has been first, in the future the system must be first."

Technopoly by Neil Postman wrote that "Taylor's system of scientific management is founded on six assumptions: "that the primary if not the only goal of human labor and thought is efficiency; that technical calculation is in all respects superior to human judgment; that in fact human judgment cannot be trusted because it is plagued in laxity, ambiguity, and unnecessary complexity; that subjectivity is an obstacle to clear thinking; that what cannot be measured either does not exist or is of no value; and that the affairs of citizens are best guided and conducted by experts" Google believes this as well, but instead of experts, these are best guided by algorithms.

Gogle's main mission is "to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful." Information is a commodity, and utilitarian resource that can be mined and processed with industrial efficiency.

Not all links are created equal - their authority is weighed by newness, and the number of incoming links to it, and many more factors. Additionally, "Googl'es profits are tied directly to the velocity of peopl'es information intake." The faster we search, the more ad revenue can go their way. It's system is desinged to find what ads will grab our attemption, and then place those messages in our field of view. Tech companies compete to make the folow of information even faster.

Chapter 11 Search, Memory

After the creation of the book, there was an idea that every person charted their own course of reading/syllabus - individual memory was less of a socially determined construct and more the foundation of a distinctive perspective and individual personality. "Inspired by the book, people began to see themselves as the authors of their own memories."

Desiderius Erasmus, in De Copia (1512) urged the connection between memory and reading, encouraging students to annotate their books an keep a notebook and transcribing quotations as a means of memory synthesis - viewing passages as "kinds of flowers" to be plucked from books and preserved in the pages of memory.

This idea inspired "commonplace books" or "commonplaces", which were fixtures of Renaissance schooling - with every student keeping one to aid their memory of written works. "A vehicle for and a chronic of intellectual development."

In the 19th and 20th century, memorization fell from favor - viewed as a distraction from imagination and creativity.

Many authors now view the net as an external brain - that it's inefficient to use our own brains to memorize things. But if we do that, we'll think like the internet does - shallowly, and only to immediately gather bits of information. We become search engines, not thinking people.

In Ancient Greece, memory was a goddess: Mnemosyne, mother of the Muses. Now, Mnemoyne has become a machine.

"Storing long-term memories requires the synthesis of new proteins. Storing short-term memories does not." (Memory in Mice Analyzed with Antibiotics, 1967)

"Those who celebrate the "outsourcing" of memory to the Web have been misled by a metaphor. They overlook the fundamentally organic nature of biological memory... It exists in time, changing as the body changes." The act of recalling information restarts the process of consolidation, including the creation of additional connections.

The Neurobiology of Learning by Sheila Crowell

One thing that sets us apart from other animals is the command we have over our attention - being conscious and aware enought o choose what we pay attention to and choose how to construct meaning from experience.

Socrates was wrong about the effects of writing, but was wise to warn us against taking memory's treasures for granted. "Of all the sacrifices we make when we devote ourselves to the Internet as our universal medium, the greatest is likely to be the wealth of connections within our own minds."

"The Web's connections are not our connections" and outsourcing our thinking to it also outsources our identity. The connecting is the thinking. (William James 1982)

In Western culture, the ideal personality was complex and cathedral-like - "a person who carreid inside themselves a personally constructed and unique version of the entire heritage of the West."

"Culture is more than the aggregate of what Google describes as the world's information. It's more thatn what can be reduced to binary code and uploaded onto the Net. To remain vital, culture must be renewed in the m inds of the membrs of every generation. Outsource memory, and culture wither."

Chapter 12 A DIgression On the Writing of This Book

Writing this book wasn't easy, and the internet provided constant interruptions. Writing in disconnected spurts until the author had a chance to move to a remote mountain with little service.

Benjamin Kunkel "The internet ... makes for variety and convenience; it does not force anything on you. Only it turns out it doesn't feel like that at all. We don't feel as if we had freely chosen our online practices. We feel instead that they are habits we have helplessly picked up or that history has enforced, that we are not distributing our attention as we intend or even like to."

Intellectual technologies shift the emphasis of our thought, and we can personally sense the changes in attention and cognition that we experience.

Chapter 13 A Thing Like Me

Joseph Weizenbaum's ELIZA program.

Modeled after the conversational style of Pygmalion and Rogerian therapy (only open-ended questions), it was an early attempt to create artifical conversation through a computer. It was early natural-language processing - not intelligent, and followed specific routines, but it could be talked to.

"While he was surprised by the public's interest in his program, what shocked him was how quickly and deeply people using the software "became emotionally involved with the computer," talking to it as if it were an actual person. THey "would after conversing with it fora time, insist, in spite of my explanations, that the machine really understood them."

"What I had not realized," said Weizenbaum, "is that extremely short exposures to a relatively simple computer program could induce powerful delusional thinking in quite normal people."

Psychiatraists also got involved - suggesting that ELIZA could be come a widely available therapeutic tool to provide therapy and even substitute real therapists - something that Weizenbaum was strongly against.

People who talked with ELIZA did not try to make rational judgments about the identity of ELIZA, "They wanted to believe that ELIZA was a thinking machine."

"The reaction to the software unnerved Weizenbaum"

Weizembaum released a book, Computer Power and Human Reason that argued that tthe machine is just another intellectual technology that alters manking's perception of reality. Once adopted, they can never be abandoned without plunging society into confusion or chaos. He feared that the introduction of computers into some complex human activites will constitue an irreversible commitment - that we must "have the self-awareness and the courage to refuse to delegate to computers the most human of our mental activites and intellectual pursuits, particularly tasks that demand wisdom." This book was not popular with his peers.

Christof van Nimwegens's studies in computer-aided learning compared two groups using the same program - one with significant hand-holding, and the other without. At first the guided group performed better, but stagnated. After only a few iterations, the groud without guidance performed exponentially better, and continued to improve as the guided group stayed at a constant performance. Those with the guidance relied on the computer to tell them when they correct (randomly clicking via trial and error) while those without learned to plot and use strategy.

"The brighter the software, the dimmer the user."

Remember the search engines rank based on newness and popularity - not necessarily quality.

This has significantly affected how research articles are produced - leading to amplified consensus quickly without viewing marginally related articles to facilitate broader comparisons.

"Conscious craft turns into unconscious routine"

WIth attention restoration therapy, it's been seen that people that are made to spend time in a quiet rural setting close to nature, people exhibit greater attentiveness, memory, and cognition. Even short breaks in nature or quiet away from stimuli can be effective for this.

"Spending time in the natural world seems to be of vital importance to effective cognitive function."

The more distracted we are, the less able we are to experience subtle, dinstinctly human forms of empathy, compassion, and other emotions.

(Heidegger) Our ability to engage in "meditative thinking", the essence of our humanity, might become a victim of headlong progress.

Chapter 14 Human Elements

Edexcel, the largest educational testing frim in ENgland, began introducing artifical intelligence-based automated exam grading tools - oriducing the accuracy of human markers while eliminating tirednes and subjectivity.

However, computers follow rules. They do not make judgments. "How ... would the software discern those rare students who break from the conventions of writing not because they're incompetent but because they have a special spark of brilliance? The answer is: it wouldn't."

#book review #the shallows #nicholas g carr #2021 #probably will find a blogsite to put these on too #me

[wrecking]

october! slowly getting better about listening to new music, and i think it shows! open for names :)

going to put little explanations by each one cuz i don't have any predictions for november this time!

lorde - pure heroine : this one's just kinda snuck up on me, i've been revisiting where i was in 2017 a lot as of late and this album was like Integral to me then. it's still flawless btw top 3 of all time

cafune - love songs for the end : i just am a weirdly big fan of them? literally every song except shadowboxing has been a Thing for me at some point. currently it's dead 2 me (so naive)

the volunteers - the volunteers : just a really fun rock record?? reminds me of wolf alice which i LOVE blue weekend

jessica lea mayfield - make my head sing : my random country/grunge sneak, she's been a super obscure fave of mine for many years and this album just kinda hit recently with the whole resurgent trauma energy

lucy dacus - home video : to be honest i haven't been STREAMING this that much, but instead i've literally been singing the songs in my day-to-day life. partner in crime, brando, christine, please stay... literally integral to my functioning

ethel cain - preacher's daughter : i took this off rotation for a few months to avoid getting sick of it bc truthfully i could just stream it on loop forever. been really obsessed with thoroughfare and strangers as of late

paramore - re: this is why : remi wolf's version of you first kinda carried, but tbh i've just been enjoying this? i really love the base album, but i also deeply love having the alt versions to diversify the rotation

troye sivan - something to give each other : i'm sorry but he just makes good music. one of your girls & silly go fucking crazy

pretty sick - makes me sick makes me smile : this is just some trashy emo teenager rock thing but it's just kind of a vibe? lilith song has been on my mind forever

vashti bunyan - just another diamond day : i didn't really fall in DEEP love with this in the way others did, and i think she has better albums, but i would be lying if i said i didn't revisit this the most atm. title track and (the not-technically-on-it-but-it-should've-been) train song rattle around my brain constantly

hitsujibungaku - our hope : god this is one of those releases i can't tire of. i'm so excited for their new album... thank you random youtube recommendations for showing me the video to one of the songs by pure chance

big thief - dragon new warm mountain i believe in you : the juggernaut of the chart has returned... i've just been revisiting this a lot and god is it still so exquisite... the only place and dried roses supremacy

the dead texan - the dead texan : i've been meaning to listen to this ambient thing all year and god i'm glad i did. peak vibes

anri - timely!! : i have a couple of like super recurrect city pop releases as this time last year i did a big deep dive into the genre, and this is the one that consistently pops up the most just because it's SO catchy and fun. well worth the hype imo

midori - shinsekai : absolutely batshit jazz and punk fusions, track 3 has the singer making gorilla sounds and i've been obsessed with it ever since. what is up with the one random man ballad in the center tho

yeule - softscars : first time i heard this it floored me so hard i almost cried. i never really clicked with her stuff but this just makes sense to me? it's messy and big and bold and earnest and hurt and it just fits where i am rn

alvvays - blue rev : god the sleeper classic of all time for me. the way i didn't care about it for like several months after hearing it and now it's basically a mainstay. such is the power of putting bored in bristol on your album

otoboke beaver - itekoma hits : this goes hand in hand with shinsekai. just batshit insane fast punk music it's great and fun i love it

shygirl - nymph : tbh this only got a relisten from me bc it's a year after its release, and honestly? well worth it. i didn't really love alias but this has really stuck the landing w me

taylor swift - midnights : ok so i know this is gonna be the like "why is this on here" one but like hear me out. see above that i was revisiting stuff a year after it came out, and also this was like The First Thing Announced When I Got Home. tbh my horrible hot take is that this is kind of a comfort album for me now?? it reminds me of oct '22 when i felt like for once in my fucking life things were gonna be ok. it's not her best but what can you do

olivia rodrigo - guts : this is like a single hair away from fully confirmed as my aoty this year and i hate it bc i look so basic but also consider: it is just that good to me

kero kero bonito - time n place : dear future self and swimming were big moments for me during this time in 2018, and my life is kinda eerily lining up with 2018 again so hearing a song called "dear future self" that reminds me of that time is a lot to process

ariana grande - thank u, next : random ass pick i know, but idk! it's her best, it's very subtly a concept album and it's unironically thematically coherent if you're terminally online enough to read into it thoroughly. also fake smile, bad idea, bloodline, in my head, etc. just slap sorry

pearly drops - a little disaster : thank you kabob for giving me the push to give this a shot. after grimes went full unsupportable, i kinda have been itching to fill the niche she used to fill vocally, and honestly this fits? it's weirdly glacial and funny and deadpan kinda it's fun i like this album a lot

lamp - at komoyo street : i'm sorry but one of the best album covers of all time and the music lives up to the hype

-

ok that's all of them whew jesus christ

next month is relatively light on new releases, so i'll probs just play catchup with all the insane shit i have in my backlog. see you next month!

#d #m #topsters

[castle-dominion]

castle 6x19 the greater good

the gates sister episode liveblog (the gateser good)

wow yucky table wow bloody man wow girl taking a pic!

That's actually a cool idea

RC: C’mon! How much fun would that be? (her jaw drops) And talk about an appropriate, if not slightly on the nose, metaphor. A bride and groom together, side by side, as they go through the ups and downs, the twists and turns, and the loopty-loops of life? KB: Castle, I love you. But I will not marry you on a ride or up in space or on a slide. RC: I bet Dr. Seuss got married somewhere fun. (DID he get married in his wife's livingroom?"

Oh no the wedding list episode. My parents got married in the slavic hall of our town, I think it was abt 50 people? 500? No it was 50. Yeah. I kind of wish I could have been there bc it was a lot of fun but I was years away from being born. Well ig I can see my step-mom's wedding. haha. divorced parents.

RC: That way we can determine exactly how big a rollercoaster car we need to build.

Lol "& I will get the phone"

Hey it's one of the other detectives!

RC: I’m being serious. Getting married is an intimate act and our ceremony should reflect that intimacy. (pause) And that way we can all fit in one car. Ryan, how do you feel about rollercoasters? KR: *walks over and screws up his face.* Ooh, make me nauseous. Why? At least we know ryan's getting invited. & some ryan trivia for ya, rollercoasters make him nauseous. That's also just a thing that happens as you become an adult tho.

Gee ess wed or gunshotwound are both much faster than gee ess doubellyuw. I vote we switch w to being pronounced dubbellyeuw to being pronounced wed.

lol cash taped to his chest *ryan considers it* Maybe he doesn't have a landline & she didn't want to use her cell. anonymity. She is after all a woman just like the one who took the pic of him. The pic makes me think proof; contract killer

it is a crappy photo tbh Ah venezuela my beloved. Maria: He was a scholarship kid, so everything that he got was through hard work. Except for the scholarship money. (Well still, getting a scholarship IS hard work)

KB: This place is either the engine of capitalism or the poster child of greed and corruption Me: Uh yeah that's kind of how it works. Of course we are not talking about meritocracy here. There is no "or" there. Beckett: depending on the paper you read Me: oh

The invisible hand of hte market lmao

KB: Wait, he owns his own island? We should definitely invite him to the wedding. you're already married to a man who owns land on the moon.

Jamie Burman: Killing. Are you capable of it? Because if you are, I will make you rich. Open hunting season! Holy crap I hate these people

Yeah man... sure would get results... Ooh wait beckett's jacket is nice! (Also nice shirt) to the 65th floor from which floor? I mean that would be good exercise but... are you starting one or two floors down? (or up) or are you starting 5 or 10 flights away?

Yay big. Love it. Yeah man! You keep walking you don't think a thing! Dear god the amphetamines you put on this earth for people torun 40 clicks an hour are being used to look at spreadsheets faster. (but yeah I have definitely moved around my medications to get through the work day before.)

On the PALM of his hand? that is not 5-4 days that is 4-5 hours!

my man was wired up!? Is the rest of the cops in on nthis? Oh Lord! She says! I love gates sm! Oh yeah gates is married she probs changed her name. (unless the audio commentary was right & she IS married to a woman. Then who knows) My sister!

Title card!

Love it, the sister rivalry. hatred. family. ELIZABETH WESTON sry capslock. Has the same "look" gates gave to castle

Ah it was recording not streaming! Oh yeah capitalist like that? Yeah man EW: We’ve been trying to mount a case against him for years. Insider trading, securities fraud. We know he’s doing it, we just haven’t been able to get proof.

EW: Victoria, this investigation is ongoing and exposing it to Mr. Burman or anyone at J.P Harding would break federal statutes. But I thought that this something that you and your team needed to know. VG: I’d certainly say so. Yeah y'all r right... Only significant. Which sis is older? Gates right? VG: Oh, well, now you do. *coldly* LOVE IT LOVE IT.

RC: A subtle chill? More like a polar vortex. I’m guessing something happened between them in the past. Something deeply personal that Gates does not want us to know about. RC: I’ll give you a dollar if you ask her. only a dollar? & can't she get you to uy her a coffee anyway?

Wow outfits!

"had words" is such a way of saying things. RC: How is it not relevant? The video shows you leaving together. Two hours later he’s dead. JB: It’s not relevant because I didn’t kill him. Yeah man! You might say "I have to disclose to you information that would cause me to become a suspect, however I would rather you hear it from me instead of finding it out yourselves. I had a discussion with him. We were at odds. I did not kill him." Or not because never tell the cops anything.

Worked up for a business deal? didn't you see him earlier yelling at his money individuals to make another company bleed? he has a usual table at le cirque

Hire someone sure but hiring killers is expensive, even for a rich guy like him. HOLD ON I JUST REMEMBERED TWO EPISODES AGO. SARA MASKI OR ENOLA MARKOV OR W/E HER NAME WAS-- SHE WAS A CONTRACT KILLER FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT & SHE USUALLY USED A KNIFE TO KILL. DICK COONAN ALSO FAVOURED HIS KNIVES & KILLED FOR BRACKEN/SIMMONS/LOKSAT!

RC: Speaking of your sister-- VG: let's not.

Hm, becks' desk buddy has stuff on it. Hector Nunez doesn't have a ~ over the second n tho... they saw him buy a package from this guy & at some point they also caught him with cocaine on him & they said you do what you have to do to get thru the work day

Are you sure? He was a devil he'd never get mixed up with even if you loved him as a kid?

Ooh love the music! bring esposito he speaks spanish. Hey which countries speak portugese (& I know a few speak french) as their colonial language? I mean in the americas. well besides quebec which by a linguistic standard is latin america. I do know that a lot of ppl still speak their native languages which is awesome (up here in canada even us natives barely speak any most of the time, & some places esp the caribbean have lost their languages almost entirely. only a few words that have been adopted into local dialects or other languages. rly sad.)

Clipping hairy Ah dancing my beloved I learned how to play pool the other day. My little brother is SO good at math & has such long arms that we were ahead most of hte time & even on a team with me (I SUCK) we lost by literally one ball to my older bro (who plays a lot of online pool) & my uncle's gf (who doesn't play much but knows how).

Whatever it is: I didn't do it. My man looks genuinely torn up abt this. HN: Who did this? RC: Well we were thinking you. HN: RC: ...might be able to tell us.

Maria said hector nunez tried to get peter in the gang, but hector said he didn't let the gang take peter.

Oh yeah this is all about money. Suisse federal smth. Yeah ofc. HN: I wrote it down in case something went wrong. Smart man! lol becks is taking a pic of som1's phone!?

Gates looks so nice. It was very need-to-know in the first place bros. oOH ESPOSITO OUTFIT! RC: seems kind of passwordy to me! RC: Hacker voice, "We're in!" Castle you've done it again! JE: :| Won't clip

wow $25m is a lot. JE: some expensive sand

Another way? Going to talk to your sis. Oof. Love how they have similar enough looking gals to be sisters. We know she's Black, but she's like,, north african black not sub saharan. She has those awesome cheekbones. Ooh AG! that's what beckett worked under! Oh greater good episode title. Hey isn't the point of not playing the game.. gates' entire thing? Isn't that why she went into internal affairs? Ah letter vs spirit. Another one? This has happened before?

(was she EVER going to be on the list?)

Why would you sit there with the headphones only half on? Do they.. hurt your head? KR: (sighs) I feel bad for Gates. My sisters can never work together. I tell you, when the two of them went at it, oof. (I thought he had 3 sisters... unless he was talking about victoria & elizabeth.) JE: I wouldn’t mind going at it with Gates’s sister. BRO. (reminds me of the audio commentary JE/JH: "I'll win her over. I keep winking at her & blowing her kisses.") & ryan also only puts the headphones half on! (at least they are headphones, not playing this out for the whole world.)

Let me hear the spanish. I am hard of hearing Let Me Read The Spanish! I always love it when russian or spanish or apparently mandarin show up & the characters can speak it. We should have gotten more of alexis speaking french tho. Also I loooove esposito's tie (& his tie & outfit mix) & ryan too rly pretty <3.

over 100! OVER 400! world famous ISH but you don't need to invite your international fans castle! & there is bound to be some crossover. I REMEMBER THE FACT THAT AUNT THERESA POSTED CRAP ABT HIM ON FACEBOOK I LOVE HOW THEY BROUGHT IT BACK Martha my beloved. To clip or not to clip? That's why I have a baby brother (or sometimes big brother) beside me to keep me in line. Alas neither is here. Well I decided to clip apparently.

pic of her & her sis in the desk. how RECENT was their falling-out? (also they are way more Black in that photo than they are as adults wow)

ONLY THREE? Martha u know this is HIS wedding not yours... Btw has castle ever had any step-dads or really good mom's boyfriends? like uncle chet who was uncle to both alexis & rick bc he is not quite family but he is also married in so he is family in law... Nearly 600...

KR: (he thinks) I have a lot of relatives that hate me now. (clipping this lmao) & grabbing a pic of some outfits.

Of COURSE I've heard of armando garcia! I love this consolate guy Mexico city?

Is it really that easy to change your identity? No way. He also totally would have been found.

Find the truth. Are internet cafes real?

Ooh also really nice slightly purple colour & green shirt I like castle's look. & you can see ryan's phone in his pocket /pos Ew watching ppl's dealing in internet cafes? gross.

Why would she blame you? you're just doing your job. Like when becks was in the ag's office & everyonne was mad.

Gates backstory moments: He skimmed a few eight balls off the very boss Elizabeth was building her case around. When my office caught him reselling it, she came to me. Begged me not to file charges. Asked me to think of the greater good. (she pauses) I did my job that day, too. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG?

you're not telling her that he compromised her case, you're saving her from him having sabotaged your case!

Jamie Burman stole it bc he knew where it was now? Stephanie goldmark, did you really just... leave your computer like that? & did the rest of you have permission to search her computer? unless it is a work computer in which case you can do anything you want ig. HOLD ON THE CAPTIONS CALL IT BERMAN THE TRANSCRIPT SAYS BURMAN IDK WHAT IS GOING ON.

Does he not know abt the investigation or is he faking?

*deletes you forever!!!!* *you still exist as metadata*

Peter/armando: I came to the US believing in the American dream, so I worked hard and tried to be honest in a corrupt government, plants drugs on me, threatens to destroy my future, all because you need someone to testify? How am I supposed to still believe? I did everything I could to play by the rules, but no one else does. So by the time you hear this, I’ll be gone. Remember that one cop who was doing a demonstration at a school on, well basically how to plant drugs on someone? & then he had two kids volunteer to do a demo & the kids pretended one was in labour? Yeah I'm just thinking about them.

Oh no she's going to blame herself for goldie doing that

following our captain's lead! Beckett & Gates are the best. I love them. I love their relationship.

Weston: but at least I won’t embarrass myself in court presenting evidence that is untrue.

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN!

KB: I think we have to decide why we’re actually having this wedding. I mean, are we doing this not to insult hundreds of people or are we doing this for us? some of those people would go only bc they don't want to offend you. You should get a wedding photoshoot done now, send a photo & a non-invitation saying "sorry we missed you. We don't have the space for everyone we want to invite, but we still wanted you to have some wedding pics. luv u bye." "We're getting married! *both of them dressed up in wedding gear blowing a kiss to the reader*." On the inside it says, "We're getting married in (season). If you would like photos, please let us know." & then don't invite them. Idk. Idk! screw this, the only reason he's inviting half those ppl is so they don't feel left out that he's inviting their mutual friends.

just "you" no name? Not "me & you" why did one write on the left & the other on the right? Weird. Also totally expected rick to write alexis & stop there. HEY I REMEMBER MADDIE! you don't need to invite gates' family. Just her & a plus-one. & that is just one, not her sister & kids!

I would invite: my parents, my bros, my step-mom (but none of her kids unless the one son wants to come which he probably wouldn't bc it's loud & boring & he's autistic so like.. noise), two friends from culinary school, maybe a third, possibly a fourth but then I'd get into the "If I invite them I have to invite them" trap so only those two, my crew from jr high (& the parents of only one), a family friends 1, family friends 2, no other family friends bc I'm not close w them, & then I started writing it down. My grandparents & aunt & uncles. No family past that, partially bc they live not-close, or at least that's my excuse. & then my 3 martial arts instructors & that's it. Not my older bro's friends I like, nobody from work, none of my second cousins or mom's cousins or dad's cousins, even tho I'd love to invite a lot of them. Probably not that new friend I made. Nobody online. I could get more martial arts friends, my violin teachers, & my old educational assistants- actually yeah I'd invite the person I used to consider my best friend+ until it moved away for college, but tbh probably not our other friend or anyone from the pride club any year, not my hot/cold friend, you know what? I definitely WOULD invite my ed assistants. Not the most recent ta tho, none of my other fave teachers. This stuff is easy. I'm sure after I post this I'd remember so many ppl I need to invite or could invite but wouldn't if I was keeping the list small. Like mu bus friends. All the ppl I included in my "note" a few years back. Actually yeah no yeah that was a very similar experience. I didn't have a lot to say to a lot of people, but I wanted to get everybody sometimes I gave ppl their own pages bc I included a specific person from the group they were in & didn't want to exclude them. I wouldn't invite my childhood best friend. (tho I did invite my jr high crew). None of my international friends-- actually yk what I WOULD invite them. Let them take a vacation here at the same time! Well no I wouldn't. but still. Not my inuit/dutch high school friend. Anyone I had a sleepover with? Not that friend, she was a little bit physically abusive, not those family friends but I like them for sure, not the childhood one, already the middleschool ones, nobody from Camp... Yeah. (just finished the below paragraph) I remembered some more family friends... & forgot them. ig they weren't important enough to invite. choire? no. Moved south? no. mum's friends? no. Crud I can't remember.

edit: I forgot my best friend from late jr high

Moving on, that's the end of the ep. They are just going to re-up their lists. You know what they should do? Whitelist each other's lists. say "yes these people, the rest can be cut" w/o saying "no these people, & we still have to cut more"

fudge I shouldn't have done that, now I feel like writing down every person I have ever fricking met & labelling them yes or no. Oh. I'm so frustrated because I'm not on my meds. but i'm too fucked up to get up & take em. I'm fucking stuck & I don't want to get up until I remember the thing. Adhd based issue here but I need my mood stabilizers. fuck & the typing of my bro is so loud & annoying & hell even I'm struggling to type rn.

just let me end the post idk how to end the post in a way that sounds complete & good to post.

Yes.

that was me being messed up.

amen.

yes that was castle episode. amen. all good.

love you bye.

edit: I realize why I was so messed up. I was late taking my meds & starting my period. Speaking of which, I need to take my testosterone shot today

#castle 6x19 #castle 6x19 spoilers #castle 6x19 quote #the gates sister episode

[arcanamusica]

Arcanamusica Novel #002- His Case (彼の場合) Translation

As I finally finished the recording that I was creating for Arcanamusica, I pressed the upload button so that my song published itself immediately. I hung my acoustic guitar back up on its stand, flopped down on my bed, and prayed that I would go viral with bets this time. 

One of my bandmates introduced me to Arcanamusica a few months ago, and I’ve been using it as my main streaming platform ever since. It’s nothing like performing at a live house, hearing the cheers and screams from my fans…Even so, knowing that my music is being listened to through the app is still rewarding in its own way. Well, if they listen to it, that is. Lately, my songs haven't been doing well at all. I sighed and leaned back. Last week, the new song I posted only got around 50 views and 10 bets.. Not to mention, there’s only a few people that subscribed to me who aren’t my friends. Even though this is an app that encourages finding new artists, it’s hard to get people to listen to things outside their comfort zone. Well, hopefully I can get there little by little.

As my depression roused itself, I started to doom scroll and look at the stats of the popular singers that I followed. I saw their hundreds and thousands of followers and tens of thousands of bets. It blows my mind, but I wonder if we’re really on the same app-or even in the same world. Apparently, some of the singers are professional…

I suddenly bolted up from my pillow when I saw the “New” icon shining at me on the screen. Legge released a new song! He was my favorite singer on Arcanamusica, without a doubt. I remember hearing his song “Dancer in the Palm” for the first time and I fell in love with his voice and rhythm. It was so unique that I became drawn to it unlike anything else. Legge’s second song, “Stray Dancer”, had such raw emotion weaved into his lyrics and tune… I wanted to be like that, and I wish I could learn how to make songs to make people feel that way too. Ever since then, I’d been waiting for a new song while looping his previous music nonstop Finally, after all the waiting, anew song was released! But...it was a duet.

This song I had been waiting for.. It wasn’t just Legge. His partner was someone I hadn’t heard of before, named “Shibukuchi”...Not only that, he included a comment on his upload. I don’t remember seeing anything like this before…Legge wrote that he was dueting with Shibukuchi because of the “Destiny Game”? I decided to google what this was, but nothing came up, even when I included Arcanamusica in the search bar. I checked social media instead, and eventually dug up info that Arcanamusica had a premium membership, where premium members got to participate in the “Destiny Game” Legge had mentioned. Even though I had been posting my music for months, I had no idea anything like this even existed.

But then, I realized-if I could play this game, then maybe I could duet with Legge himself. It looked like the only way to do this was to become a premium member. 

I went back to the app and tried to scrounge up any information I could find-eventually, I happened upon a link under the app settings, reading “Premium Members click here”. I couldn’t believe it was in such a hard to find place- was it really this easy to become a premium member? Did they think nobody would bother to look? I clicked it and held my breath, but I was met with the notice:

We are not recruiting premium members at this time.

What the hell was I thinking? I felt all the hope I had building up drop again as I fell back down on my bed. As I looked at the notice again, I saw that to become a premium member, you had to accumulate something called “Arcana Points” that were gained through getting a certain amount of bets. I didn’t even have enough bets to do that in the first place.. And even if I did become a premium member, there’s no guarantee I would be able to duet with Legge…

"Agh, fine! Show me what you can do, Shibukuchi!"

With reluctance, I decided to give the duet a listen to see what he had that I didn’t. I was fully prepared to critique Shibukuchi if he was worthy to sing with Legge, but as soon as the music started playing, I was taken aback by how good it was. It wasn’t like a typical Legge song, but rather a clashing of both singer’s tones that created perfect harmony as a result. I found myself not only focusing on Legge, but intently on Shibukuchi too. I did a search for his name and a few different songs popped up-all with the “special” label, just like Legge. I wonder what made these songs “special”...I didn’t have any option to do that on my songs, even though they were originals. I clicked on the song that appeared at the top of the page, “You are My Friend”. As I listened, I thought that he didn’t even come close to Legge’s skill and maturity as a singer-you could tell that he was a hard worker and did his best, but so was I. Why did it make him special?

No.

That’s not it. 

I can’t sing like he does.

Shibukuchi wasn’t like Legge at all. Instead of feeling like he was somebody that I aspired to be, I felt more like I was being left behind in his dust, and it made me ashamed.

This is so unfair.

It’s not like the special song was super cool or showed off all of his skill. Instead, it was something that spoke to the emotions. It felt like he was speaking directly to me, saying that no matter how much despair I feel, I can’t let go of my dream. It made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could be unstoppable if I tried hard enough. I saw the amount of bets and views that Shibukuchi had, which seemed almost unreachable in comparison to all of the other singers on the app. Well, after all, he did do a duet with Legge. 

Both of them seemed so far away from me, but with my newfound inspiration, I thought…

Maybe, someday.

I gathered up my determination and decided that I would make a new song to upload in the coming week. I grabbed my guitar from the stand I had hung it on, and with a burst of energy, I got back to working on a new tune.

As the arpeggio I played rang out, it seemed to respond to tell me I was on the right path, and I began to create my next song.

#arcanamusica