#id be a nobody in another time

[waluijoe]

all my life ive been inspired by the punk scene and its values or what it represents for me at least,,, and like, gaying up i went full circle around many other styles i found inspiring, in art, in cinema, in clothing, etc but i always come back to punk in my own way

lately i keep coming back to 90s movies and series and it’s so inspiring to me, i feel like there was so much personnality in a lot of things and choices back then, especially in cinema, in series, in music, so much creativity but without the need to make it all look “plastic” and perfect and polished. it’s smthg thats bothering me these days,,, all this “clean” things we wanna buy and represent. the designs ? minimaListic ! our skin ? perfectly blemish free ! actors ? perfectly muscled skinny models without pores ! singers ? must all look like the genre of music they wanna blend in, edit out the eye circle and make the skin glowy and don’t forget the perfect lewks or die in a ditch. so much plastic surgery, so many perfect bodies and noses, and most movies are just blockbusters were literally every main actor has looked the same since 20years and shit. there’s sm promotion for blandness and normativity. wednesday addams was supposed to be punk goth and like,, her aesthetic was so simple that it spread around like wildfire in tiktoks and shit and it’s been copied ever since cause it was just some black prints and a sheer black dress and like. im not saying everything’s bad, there’s sm creativity now too thanks to technology and access to MORE all the time but - i miss personnality. i miss it sm. i miss the Soul Eater type of weirdo shit and styles. industries and corporations and selling and brands and becoming a brand yourself and being closely shaved and properly dressed or else you’re ugly and weird and god forbid those are the two Worst things to be nowadays.

i wanna be ugly and weird, i want the art i see to be ugly and weird and i want fun, and pores, and acnea on actors, bad teeth cause that’s how it is sometimes, and wonky noses cause that’s what makes you you sometimes, and like, personnality that doesn’t feel the need to exist in a tiny labelled box for it to be bearable. why do we care sm about mediocrity and palatable media and “targetting the most audiences we can” like,,, why do we give a fuck except for money and brainwashing,,, why. 

#ynn talks #just watching ikebukuro west gate park #and the style made me feel Things #also ilistened to Primero's TRAC and i thought damn that clip is so fkcing good #and like #i just like the whackos #i like the cheap art thats better than productions w sm money and teams that they end up meaningless #i just #im poor yeah #im poor and ugly #where are my people #why are we all trying to be people we aren't #it doesn't matter to be impressive in theory and to fit in #does it ?? matter ??? #it doesnt #god i get harassed every day for being a weirdo and now i get why lmfao #id be a nobody in another time #i wish i wasnt in This time

[slavhew]

2024 redraw of a 2017 dirkus

#homestuck #hom3stuck #home24uck #dirk strider #admin draws #fanart #being petite and vulnerable linking that old ass drawing from way back when i first fucking read hs #some things changed. the characters my brainrot lets me draw didnt. #but i learned how to draw facial anatomy and anatomy in general and hands (not pictured here) #be niceys about the old old one or i WILL take that link down and then nobody gets it #not that its a huge loss. but i do like the contrast 7 years makes LOL #again. cough. march drawing that nobody saw because id just gotten back into homestuck and my at the time followers were blindsided oops #and also i batchposted this with the dave and another drawing. just overall bad form posting fkn 3 full drawings in one post #what was i thinking #WHATEVER. i talk too much in here. take the first dirk of this hs phase lleleoolol

[dispotatorulzz]

In my heart I have a cool tail and ears and cool awesome claws . Alas my physical body fails me

#brain likes to trick me into it sometimes tho and it sucks !!!!! #me making space for my tail when i close the door. BROTHER you do not have a tail !!!! #and . holding/handling shit carefully because of my claws. BROTHER. #if i had a physical tail to touch and hold all off my mental issues would be over #ANYWAY. this is probably. something but I'm scared so . the world and i will never know i guess #give it atleast another year so before i think about looking into it #i just recently talked about it for the first time with someone what more do you want from me #shout out to rose my awesome frienf <3 #I TOLD IT ID LOOK INTO THIS . nobody tell them please. I'm scared !!! im scared to know and I don't know why #im also just. scared im faking it or pretending #WHATEVER. im not getting into it more here . ignore me ignore this #gootbye

[leona-florianova]

Some wild drama happening at my old art high school... New headmaster kicked out three teachers because they liked satirical post on instagram, which made very deserved fun of her. 

She brought it up to police because she thinks liking such posts is participating and enabling bullying and that it paints the school in bad light..  

Meanwhile she is bullying the whole student body along with the teachers/professors..makes Insane rules and  does weird monologues, straight up Umbridge behaviour.. The fact that she hates art and artists and before becoming the headmaster she taught czech... like I remember how she used to berate n ridicule anyone who made even the smallest mistakes...how she made homophobic coments (at liberal left leaning school where at least half of the students are some type of queer)... AND just few hours ago I learned that she got the position she shouldnt have gotten in the first place, because her relative works at the office of our local county representative....while also her, the relative and the county representative are all  KDU-ČSL...Christian and Democratic Union – Czechoslovak People's Party..a centrist conservative party that manages to swing from left to right and right to left depending on need, but always keeps its traditional values - sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia etc. etc... which is just f*cking abysmal.. 

I am no longer a student at the school.. havent been for years.. but damn as an alumni I feel so fragging bad for everyone who has to deal with her and her regime now... 

#i have seen a news report on this whole issue and the moment i have seen her and hear her talk i got goosebumps and felt immediately horribl #apparenly one of the first rules that got everyone so angry was #that she made a rule where nobody can leave the school during free hours #which is nuts because sometimes there are like three hours between classes #and in total that makes about #10 hours of being locked in that old building #oh you want to go buy food from nearby tesco? tough luck #if that happened during my time id go even more nuts and would do worse than draw some silly satirical art #like how bad can you do if most of the students and teachers just fear you #and then she frags up by not being able to handle some satire?? #insane #at ART SCHOOL #people are fortunately starting to ask like.. why.. was the satire made in first place #also like :DD the instagram posts werent even violent or anything... just calling out her bullshit #or on another instagram somebody photoshopped her head on umbridge monologues #insane insane #i dont have enough facts buts its piling up #and now there is a petition to help the teachers who liked the posts #and maybe to stop her from being a headmaster #ssud #šuřka #čumblr

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

[tooies]

this is still literally my favourite picture ive ever taken. i dont inow what it is about it but it just feels so good to look at. so calm. so peaceful. hope and joy on planet poison sucklet

id: a photograph of a poison sucklet, a purple, vaguely star-shaped fluffy creature with two white dots for eyes and a third below as a centeal orifice, sits on a mossy and lichen-covered tree branch in the corner of the photo. the tree extends further outwards into the rest of the frame. the tree's branches are covered in moss, lichen, pale green leaves, and white flowers. the light from the sun, diffused by the overcast bright white sky, filters through the leaves, casting a soft ambient glow on the photo.

#is this image description too pretentious? idk #i dont think it is since im describing it like art since thats like. what it is #i want to make sure people can experience the image and the emotions it conveys too‚ not just know whats in it #if i just said ''a poison sucklet sitting on a flowering tree branch'' that wouldnt tell much about how the thing feels you know? #ok maybe i am being a bit pretentious #also nobody is complaining about the id. i havent even posted this yet why am i trying to justify myself so much. probably the mental ilnes #also adderall lol. i am not immune to writing too much. but this is my post. and its in the tags. so i can get away with this #if it was on another post it would be annoying and if it was in the body of the post that would be kinda weird #but here in rhe tags of my own post i may find peace in the ability to talk to myself as much as i want publicly without bothering anyone #isnt this a joy? either way uhh. #sucklet #poison sucklet #yeah thats right im using subject tags for like the first/second time ever. you all have to see my photo

[hazardsoflove]

#SO BOYCOTT LOVEEEE DETOX JUST TO RETOX AND ID PROMISE YOU ANYTHING FOR ANOTHER SHOT AT LIFE #AND PERFCET BOYS WITH THEIR PERFECT LIVES NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING ABOUT TRAGEDYYUVIDNDKZNZ #this is my fav fob song of all time i will never love anything more than it and im certain #r.txt

[killajust]

binghe's fandom is very committed

#not me tho id sell him to satan for one corn chip at this point #i REALLY need to reread sv to rekindle whatever affection i have for him kfjskjf #i always say the only one i care about is the one in my head and like #i wish it werent true but the more time i spend outside the source #and inside the fandom w everyone's takes n shit the less i like him #this makes me sad. i wanna go back #unfortunately tho i think they are correct and im in the wrong here #i very much do not belong in this fandom fkjgsfjk #i love all mxtx's characters equally! (2 seconds later) i don't care for binghe #but i want to. so maybe id better give him another chance when the time comes #he wont ever have any kind of grip on me like song lan does (has 2 lines and is dead the whole fucking time) #but i'm not asking for that either #like i WOULD like him probably if he didnt have the ONE trait i cannot stand #which is the one thing everyone loves him for #and which sadly defines his entire character #so ALAS! #all i want for him is the ability to form meaningful bonds with more than one person #but since everyone is so invested in his obsession with that saultry little binch in the bottom lsft #i am alone in this probably. nobody cares if he has 0 friends #all he needs is his guy. #its not for me it doesnt tickle my brain good #im on a roll today i just need to get this OUT somewhere safe or i will go literally insane #so much shit has been bubbling up in me is2g #the reason lwj is number one mxtx ML champion for me is bc he actually gives a fuck about people outside of wwx #even xue yang shows a little more goddamn social instinct #<- cannot go two seconds without mentioning xue yang #nah but real. the thing that stuck out to me for sv was the like. i guess reveal #like 'your mother did love you' kind of deal w/e that was memory is fuzzy #and that meaning something. #that + him kinda waiting on the outskirts for sqq to come to him had me thinking maybe there was room for development

[augustheart]

ebird’s apps drive me up the wall

#‘we’ve made birding accessible!’ if you don’t download a million packs that take up space on your phone the apps don’t work #if someone sees a bird that the app hasn’t downloaded you don’t get to see it and confirm your ID #if you’ve been birding since you were a kid and can’t recall what location and date you saw each bird at you can’t make a proper life list #merlin is good for on the spot bird call ID but i personally find it impossible to use and the idea that it’s always 100% accurate… Lol #true accessible birding should reach out to birders of all experience levels and not force you to download (or buy like the sibley app) #a million different bullshit things #ebird’s rare bird alerts are nice but they’re very inaccessible for new birders because they don’t explain #why something may be rare in one county but not another (for example) #also people rating perfectly IDable photos with one star??? fuck off they’re gonna post Nothing next time #anyway. nobody except me cares about this

[forgotten-daydreamer]

knowing im going to die very young somehow doesnt make the psychological violence any easier to bear

#like ik i wont have to carry this for a long time but at the same time i know that id live longer if noone had abused me psychologically #some of us dont heal and it's ok. im not even like pre-mourning or anything. nobody is #some of cant heal even if they try. some dont try. it's all ok #i feel like this is probably my last autumn ever and i realise that if i were in a better headspace id do so many things #but i've chosen not to carry on with this life and the girl who was recently euthanized since she wanted to inspired me #obv i dont have money so im going to probably just do the good old jump and drown #it doesnt even scare me. i dont even care. if it did i wouldve picked a different option lol #but it's been months since i've decided that these are going to be my last 12 months. 10 now actually #i thought it was going yo get easier but its not. im just waiting #if i had a terminal disease it'd all be easier bc at least it's visible #but my disease is indeed going to terminate me and that disease is called depression #somehow it doesnt make it any easier. it's just another day of the 300-something days i have left when someone abuses me psychologically #like it's a count down at most #i dont even have a bucket list or anything. maybe being told they're sorry but skydiving is easier #i have always known i was going to die young. always. since i was like 8. and i wasnt scared. just sad #but sadness is not an active killer. it's silent and slow #also please in the remote case that somebody reads this: dw. im not dying yet. i have one thing to do first and its going to take months

[zemnarihah]

i've been having. gender issues i must say

#i think like in a different and much more progressive world i would like almost certainly id as nonbinary in some way but like #idk i do think i have dysphoria esp w my chest lately but i don't think it's to the level that my life would be improved by like #going by different pronouns and coming out w a different gender label and stuff #bc it's just so incredibly inconvenient and like especially in my area ppl would either not take me serious or like be straight up hateful #i also think i'm not like. NOT a woman like i've lived as a woman my whole life i don't think i'll ever see myself as like divorced from tha #but it's just. still not quite right yk #like i feel pretty uncomfortable w most traditional femininity but i feel COMPLETELY uncomfortable w almost all masculinity so it's like. #idk #not cis or trans but another secret third thing yk #i mean at the end of the day there's not rlly any point in doing anything abt it and i think i have had lapses like this before and have had #times where i think i was fairly comfortable w being a woman and w my body (relatively) so maybe it's just smth that will come and go u know #i just wish i was like 50% more androgynous looking and like. didn't have tits. and could go by a pronoun that like isn't she/he or they #but is also very normal and commonly understood that nobody will be weird or confused abt #so. idk #like now that i think abt it there's no pronoun that i actually feel good abt ppl using for me. but i think that might also be bc i feel #uncomfortable w the idea of people even talking abt me at all #i think i'm starting to understand people who use it/it's lol #i mean before i never liked judged them or anything like i always use peoples correct pronouns but i was always like huh idk why someone #would want that #and now i like. see the appeal. kind of divorced from gender and identity in general. it's nice

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :) #trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+ #lgbta+ #lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

[odysseys-blood]

im always wondering abt it and i feel kinda lonely on it cause i have so few black transmasc mutuals on here but how do yall fee abt the word stud? ik i get called one often bc of how i look and dress but ive always been like. wondering if i should turn down that label more or less than i do bc knowing the history of it i dont think it fits me 100% bc im not a lesbian and i feel like the word still retains a connection to femininity and sapphics that i dont rly want for myself but also ik some ppl see stud as its own identity on its own so i just. idk

#cliffnotes/.txt #if anyone has any readings on this id be glad to know what they are also #ig its just the isolated feeling of being black transmasc w/o knowing rly any others #like even in uni i was like. the only one i knew #i knew plenty of other black queer folks bc i was at an hbcu and u meet one u kinda meet em all #esp bc i was at a p small one #but like. nobody else i knew was trans or nb so i was just on my own in that regard #and the one time i met another black nb irl theh went to the school next to us and i was graduating #so i never got to see them again #black lgbt #black queerness #black transgender #hitting those tags just to see if anyone has anything they can share

[cyclicalaberration]

I need to stand out more

#it sucks so hard to ve trying so so so hard to not fade into tje background that you become another part of the background #all i want is fucking acknowledgement of my existence and what i do.i haven't spent mu whole life trying so hard to have shit just fly by #just once. just once i want to be what people are looking for. what they want in an applicant. what they want in a friend #just once i want to win something #be good enough at it i get acknowledged.for it #it's why i want a phd. nobody could question that i worked for my shit id I habe a PhD #people would habe to acknowledge the effort i put into things if I got a PhD #it's. exhausting. to be good at things but not so notably so that im a prodigy #this sounfs like bragging #it's not #I spend so much of my life working at things and working a things and i have to keep fucking fighting to even be considered in ANYTHING that #could acknowledge my worm #work #I'm. i just. if i don't get into the best colleges i will have wasted four years of.mh life on spending every waking moment thinking about #school #and im so fucking scared that im just invisible #that i don't exist. im not a person #that my name gets lost in the shuffle every time or thar eyes just glance over me #that i just don't exist #sorrry

[carcarrot]

my skills include getting absolutely worked up over nothing

#thinking abt my screenplay and the idea of like. pitching it. sending it to someone who id want like. involved with it. SCARY!!! #drafting the kind of letter id write for such a thing. and thinking abt creating some kind of like online presence as a writer/film critic #of course stretching the truth a little abt my 'published writings' (stuff in school) #another drawback to that idea would be. i have not written any film reviews. #and how can i have TIME to write reviews when i don't have TIME to write my screenplay #and even if i did all that theres still the underlying thing that i am a nobody who still hasn't filmed anything #and no one will want to work on the film of someone who has never made a film!!! augh. #so its all giving me a headache for absolutely no reason #also just survived a work meeting that could have been a prog rock concept album #oh well. soon i can sit down and relax

[apocalypticdemon]

.

#ughhhh #nothing has happened im just frustrated with myself #im getting. mean. and i dont like it #my patience is. so short. i get so annoyed so fast #and i just sit and stew and be negative about it. feels bad. #i have another friend (nobody here) that i keep bitching about but like. talking to him just makes me unhappy now. #idk. ive been going through it and im realizing that i might just straight up be a lesbian #and the last time i mentioned it he just. sent me a random pic of an anime lady?? bc he thought id think shes hot????? #this is. a running theme. #and its so fucking stupid that that is what irritates me. #but like half of our conversations just end with him spamming emotes at me or sending me anime memes that i dont think are funny #bc he just doesnt know what to say! and instead of just leaving it at that he just??????? spams me with anime??????????? #ive told him to stop before but i think he forgot #i just. i dont know. when that isnt happening our conversations will just pivot to his issues all the time #like last time i got mad during dnd bc frankly it hasnt been fun for months. #and he checked in on me to see if i was okay. and we had a decent chat. but then i think i said something too frank so he just dropped it #and 5 min later i was managing his shit. #and like. i know im being mean about it!!! i know!!!!! but i just. dont like talking to him anymore and he didnt even do anything wrong #so i just get snappy and mean and i hate it but idk what to even do #vent posting #i just. i get so mad so often and get so frustrated with people for no fuckin reason and it sucks