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gaawachan · 3 years

Text

Critical Role 135 Discord Convo (Topic: Shipping?)

Some pre-convo context: This conversation meandered a bit so there's a lot of stuff that may turn up in other conversations later; it was really late and so a lot of things were only briefly touched on.

Me: You know... people are gonna freak out if LoB doesn't just cave and romance Essek at this point. If he wasn't planning on doing so then his roleplay during the past few episodes is gonna cause backlash, I think.

Sibling: I think he was on the fence and then Matt was like, "Okay, I have to push this because I currently have plans to make Astrid a victim of Trent and/or the big bad of Caleb's arc."

Me: Certainly feels that way, lol. Matt's definitely the one that's been doing the pushing post-boat scene.

Sibling: Pretty much-- Matt has kept Essek near Caleb for every moment that he can

Me: (Caleb did tell Essek to stay close, lol) But in the past couple of episodes Liam's gone back to reciprocating. If he isn't planning on shipping it, he shouldn't do that.

Sibling: Despite Lucien's eyes. Oh for sure. I think he is though. Why else would LoB post stuff like *examples of LoB's twitter activity*? He doesn't egg on Astrid/Caleb shippers lol

Me: That's true.

Sibling: Plus, Essek is purple.

Me: Of course we weren't in the fandom when Vaxmore happened and then dropped, so we don't know if Liam did the same thing with that ship.

Sibling: God I hope not... C'mon, give us a bit of beeg yoshi

Me: Having watched half of season 1, I can say that there was way, waaaaaaaay less tension and such between Vax and Gilmore. Vax liked Shaun a lot, and Shaun was in love with Vax... but they had nothing in common, they didn't have any real theme/plot/setting/interest ties or anything. Just a vanilla relationship, like, they went out on lunch dates.

Sibling: It's funny because OTHER non-shippers came onto that ship-positive trend and started talking about Vaxmore and how more "real" it was. And I'm like, I feel like slow-burn romances are far more "real" than people hopping on each other as soon as that they get a chance (COUGH COUGH BEAUYASHA I'M SORRY COUGH). Don't disparage lunch dates, btw; there's nothing gayer than that.

Me: No, don’t get me wrong, I was actually about to post that "I can see why people like that because it feels realistic" The bigger problem with Vaxmore was simply that they didn't see Gilmore very often. I think Liam would have been more interested in continuing that ship if Gilmore had not been... well, the Pumat Sol of the campaign. Just not very relevant. This isn't the case for Essek; he is THE npc of this campaign, basically. He's more involved than any other NPC in either season. Side note: if C1 and C2 had happened concurrently, I'd have totally shipped Gilmore with Mollymauk.

Sibling: OH TOTALLY

Me: Lol

Sibling: Essek and Caleb have many interests in common, and Liam has CANONIZED Caleb's attraction to him, both intellectually and physically. They have expressed a desire to spend time together, platonically? to improve their craft. They have worked to improve with each other, speak with each other in a way that they don't with others-- not even people they're supposedly closer to. Essek has had a turn of his morals BECAUSE of Caleb's actions... What do other ships in this season have? Caleb and Astrid; they have shared misery and a past that stains ALL of their interactions. Maybe there is love left, but it would need a TON of work, and she is never onscreen long enough for that to be established. There's not really any tension aside from the viewers' "is this a villain" tension. Not even the dance felt good, it was transactional and there to hide information being exchanged and then they LEFT. Caleb and Eodwulf; Caleb said his forearms were hot, lol? But Eodwulf has even less time than Astrid, and hasn't even really piqued the rest of the cast's interest, in spite of Caleb's history with him. Caleb and Jester; Might have worked if JESTER WAS EVER INTERESTED IN HIM. AND SHE NEVER WAS AND STILL ISN'T. She was smitten with Fjord the moment she started projecting him onto Tusk Love lol. Caleb and Nott; I'm not touching this one Non-Caleb ships are like: Fjord and Jester; Sweet, predictable, pretty much how I pictured it being when it became canon. Jester being exactly the same and Fjord being openly affectionate. Maybe some priorities being changed around. Beau and Yasha; I'm NGL, I feel like they're together... because they're lesbians? And not because they actually have much in common aside from that? It's sweet, but if we're speaking purely from a like... chemistry standpoint? This one falls on its face. But, no, I'm sorry. Just because Caleb isn't literally devouring Essek's face whenever he's on screen (though he slobbers like he wants to whenever Essek uses Dunamancy), doesn't mean that the ship is "invisible". It's invisible to people who are only used to overt ships I guess But I'm sorry, I need to go back through and make a "Caleb slobbers over Essek doing magic" compilation. Because it doesn't exist yet, and yet it happens all the time lol And people are like "where attraction" RIGHT THERE, GUYS

Me: Speaking of Jester, actually. Jester's funny because early on she actually did tease/flirt with Caleb quite a bit... but then she stopped doing it. When? I'd say it happened right around the same time Caleb started having feelings for her, imo, after their waltz, when he said Astrid's name. Jester and Fjord were caged together in the Sour Nest and I think that, followed by the Fjord/Avantika arc, really sealed the deal for where her interests went. Also, Jester and Nott wrote that letter to Astrid, so by that point I think it's pretty safe to say that Jester not only was not interested in Caleb; she wasn't even interested in teasing/lightly flirting with him anymore. Also Caleb eyescrews Essek a lot... so yeah what are these people smoking? Even LoB, who has been wishy washy about the ship, has been pretty upfront about Caleb's interest in Essek.

Sibling: I don't think Widojest people want Caleb to be with someone happy and who makes him happy. Essek is not a happy man but Caleb's mood certainly seems to brighten whenever he shows up.

Me: I mean, there IS chemistry between Caleb and Jester but the issue is that the two characters view each other completely differently. She just doesn't see him that way. The other half of the equation is that Caleb tends to treat Jester as being more than just the cutesy trickster and a lot of the other cast members haven't really shown that? They tend to undermine her a lot actually. It's most obvious with respect to the Traveler. Caleb actually respects her relationship with Artagan. Other members of the group just hate him and have made it clear to her that they feel that way. That includes BOTH Fjord and Beau. Like if you compare the conversations she had with Fjord and with Caleb on Rumblecusp, it's night and day, but it doesn't matter because she just doesn't view Caleb as a prospective partner at all. She tends to frame their relationship in the same way several of the characters in the party frame their dynamics with Caleb. "I want to help him but I have no idea what the fuck to say or do." She'd still above average compared to the group at doing so but that's because of her mother's influence, not because she has feelings for him. Ngl, if I WERE to ship Caleb with someone other than Essek at this point I think I would pick Jester just because they have a mutual respect for each other. Oh oh here's an example. Okay, so Caleb's room for Jester in the tower right? It's very similar to her childhood room, but he deliberately "adults" it up, because he respects her as an adult. What was Fjord's gift to her in Rexxentrum? A child's toy. A unicorn statue. And that's cute and all, but... uh...

Sibling: A little infantilizing?

Me: Yes exactly, and it's the same way he behaves about her relationship with Artagan. One could easily argue that Fjord treats Jester sort of like she's the pixie girl stereotype, but that's just surface-level stuff about Jester. You'll notice that Fjord and Jester's conversations tend to lean cutesy and immature, but when Jester talks with Caleb, it's very often a thoughtful and deeper conversation, so I DO see why people ship it.

Sibling: I mean, but that's my problem with it. Maybe it's better than Fjorjester, but Liam doesn't lick his lips every single time Jester breathes too hard.

Me: Lol. Personally I think that part of the problem is that 1) Travis isn't comfortable with doing romance, and Fjord is awkward af, and 2) Jester/Laura has tried to get him to talk with Jester on a deeper level and it hasn't really been successful, and she's let some opportunities slip by, but Liam rarely passes up the opportunity to have a deeper conversation with other players, so he ends up having more serious conversations with Jester simply because Liam seeks out those conversations.

Sibling: Well Liam loves character romances. It's why his second character left as many options open to him as possible lol. It's the stark difference between Liam and Travis. Travis is only comfortable romancing his wife fictionally lol. Liam loves the way you can reexamine a character and reshape their ending with those choices and I think he's way more willing to just go "screw it, my character is horny AF for this wizard boy, what are you going to do Matt?" "my character is also horny for my party member, but it's probably unrequited, but I'm going to stick with it for character depth"

Me: Seriously though go back and rewatch the Rumblecusp conversations Jester had with Fjord and with Caleb. You could SEE it in Jester. Fjord was NOT saying anything she wanted or needed to hear. I thought she actually looked pretty hurt.

Sibling: Oh, I remember being like "well that was deflating" and it's why she kept asking people. She's looking for answers, and pretty much everyone pussyfooted around it becawuse she's such a cuwuty.

Me: Yes, props to Caleb for stepping up, even though he didn't give her the answer she wanted either. That's precisely the problem with her dynamics with other characters. They're too busy fawning over how cute she is and trying to shield her to get to anything much deeper.

Sibling: Whereas Caleb thought of her as a woman- someone he really liked, from... like super early on.

Me: Oddly the end result is that the non-stop shielding of Jester has inhibited Laura's ability to grow Jester as a character. Which has to be frustrating as a player.

Sibling: I think it probably has been. Especially because I think she wanted to explore how being in a romance would change her. She even hinted to that way earlier: "That's not at all how love is depicted in the books we read..." "You mean the porn books we read?"

Me: The character is rarely challenged and hasn't really been forced to change. She has changed in that she's matured from experience, but it's subtle and it isn't really acknowledged much. Nothing screamed this more than the climax of Traveler-con, where she was staring down the barrel of a monumental life-change and her cutesyness somehow convinced the planetar to be like... "fine, bye." Even MATT regretted that decision in the Talks afterward.

Sibling: Oh for sure! She just gets everything and you know what sucks? I think LAURA wanted Artagan to be taken. It would have devastated Jester but it would have forced her to change.

Me: Well actually, Laura said that she was going to offer to worship the Moonweaver instead of the Traveler if it meant she'd spare him punishment. When she said that, Matt's whole face just dropped; he was so upset that he wasted that opportunity, but that's the cost of treating Jester like she needs coddling. It's like... bro... she ax murders people... come on.

Sibling: She burns people to death with sacred flame and gets people lost in the woods by messing with road signs.

Me: She's been tortured and barely shows the trauma of it at all (can't believe that went unaddressed btw)... She can handle pushback... Like again, Caleb. Early on she butted heads with Caleb because she's a spoiled rich kid, but you'll notice that after offending him like that? She never did it again.

Sibling: Because she's a good person capable of introspection and changing her behavior to help people.

Me: It's a small thing but Jester actually became a better person precisely because Caleb didn't handle her with kid gloves.

Sibling: That even ties back to her dropping her flirting when "Astrid" was brought up.

Me: Yep

Sibling: ... Shadowgast is still better.

Me: Yep. I don't hate widojest and I think that of all the jester pairings it's probably the best, but of all the Caleb pairings Shadowgast is best.

Sibling: I mean, Shadowgast is best even by virtue of like... who else would you pair Essek with that he could still stick around the party for? He's only interested in Caleb lol. That's not to say he doesn't LIKE the rest of the cast, but back to the deep conversations thing...

Me: I've seen some people shipping Widojessek, lol.

Sibling: There's really only one person (and one group chat) where he had those sorts of opening up moments. Poor Fjord- just got a GF and people are already cucking him.

Me: Lol. Oh, man... Caleb and Essek really need to talk about the assembly. Specifically Caleb's past and what Essek's dealings with them were like in more detail.

Sibling: Matt tried to lol and Caleb was like "yeah okay i got plans, but also paper"

Me: Essek needs to be more direct because Caleb doesn't WANT to talk about it.

Sibling: He can't, he's a wizard. No melee attacks, emotionally or verbally.

Me: Well, the issue is that Essek prods at Caleb's goals, which are nebulous (so Caleb really can't give a satisfactory answer, and he also can't answer without talking about his past first). And when he prods about Caleb's past, he's too indirect. He needs to directly ask about Caleb's past FIRST if he wants more information about Caleb's goals.

Sibling: The next time they're in the tower (which I fear won't be for a while) Essek literally needs to be like "I'm drowning in guilt, you need to tell me about what I was involved with so I can manage it" He'd probably give him a few crumbs lmao. If Essek makes it about himself, Caleb is less likely to close up.

Me: Yes, that is exactly how Essek needs to frame it. "I don't have a full understanding of the nature of the people I gave power to. I know now that they're more terrible than I thought, but not exactly how. I think that in order to fully grasp what I have done, I need to know more about them." It's pretty blatant bait but Caleb would probably be convinced by it anyway.

Sibling: Oh for sure. Caleb can't exactly run away from that either; he's too chicken to flee from conversations. He freezes and either spills or clams up.

Me: At this point, there's really no GOOD reason to NOT tell Essek about his past. There's nothing to lose from it, and a decent amount to gain; it could turn Essek actively hostile towards the Assembly rather than keeping him cowering in Eiselcross.

Sibling: He's uncomfortable with it (trauma will do that) Doesn't want to get sidetracked (Essek told him not to) Haven't had a good time to do so (no privacy) Doesn't want Essek to distance himself from him (most likely)

Me: This is true, but he's already told the people who he least wanted to tell (Jester and Caduceus) ... Actually, my suspicion is...

Sibling: And neither of them pulled away from him-- eh? Me: ... that Caleb doesn't want to tell Essek because he's worried that Essek will, well... uh, treat him like a child. Caleb was so young, and telling the story of his past also means admitting that he's 11 years younger than he appears. And there is some amount of Caleb's view of his past that is irrational and he chafes viciously whenever someone tries to downplay his culpability by pointing out his age at the time.

Sibling: I think he already has. Don't try to tell me about how not patronizing that "Young Man" line was lol. It was meant in good faith but... I think Caleb does the abuse victim "the idea of ever being young and vulnerable again is terrifying" thing pretty convincingly. It's also sort of a rewind back to his respect for someone who seems outwardly childish, but is an adult whose choices need to be respected.

Me: There is another matter which... Well, Caleb is slowly coming to terms with his status as a victim (veeery slowly) but I think if Essek were to learn about his past, and taking into account their different cultural perspectives on age, Essek might have a hard time not reacting more in line with Beau/Nott's initial reactions to the full tale. Beau said she thought it was nothing to be ashamed of (and Caleb started laughing hysterically) and then Nott just full-on denied that any of it was his fault (which is completely at odds with his own belief), and since Essek's gut reaction to hearing the story is probably going to be something like "Trent is a baby torturer" ... That's not an easy thing for Caleb to stomach.

Sibling: And yes, Essek will absolutely have that reaction because at that age humans are still fetuses to him.

Me: This brings me to my final point. Caleb may be worried that Essek learning all of this and thinking that way will damage Essek's ability to see Caleb as his mirror. He may view it as a threat to the life-line he threw Essek that night in Nicodranas.

Sibling: And then it's not about bettering each other... It's about Essek being alone again and Caleb being alone.

Me: However, Essek's insistence that he is sure nothing Caleb has done could compare to what Essek has done does mitigate that risk significantly. It's just a matter of whether or not Caleb can see that and Essek can be pushy enough to get him to crack.

Sibling: I know Essek has it in him. He can forsake his country's precious artifacts to an opposing nation, he can push his BF to open up to him about his problems. Caleb, on the other hand, has been exceedingly fragile... since you know... GOING BACK TO THE ASYLUM, so I don't know if he's in a state to have that discussion, but if they don't have it soon, by the time Essek talks to him again Trent will probably be dead.

Me: Caleb is pretty blatant about his compartmentalization and deflection. He feels it's necessary in the current circumstance with the Tomb Takers, but somebody really needs to step up after Lucien's taken out and talk to Caleb about this stuff. Essek would be ideal because Caleb could benefit the most from Essek's perspective, I think, but really... anyone other than Veth is better than nothing. Going back to the Asylum was very obviously a severe triggering event and NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT. Like, jfc, guys, Beau is right. She asked if Caleb was even capable of working alongside Trent, and Caleb said yes (if he thought it was necessary), but we all, WE ALL know that he can't. Not after that disaster.

Sibling: Especially because both Veth and Jester saw him go straight into "OH GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE, HE'S HERE AND WE'RE GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM BEFORE HE HURTS ANYONE" and they were like "he can probably handle this"

Me: He was already borderline in that headspace BEFORE Trent showed up.

Sibling: And then afterward, he went straight into a dangerous self-destructive spiral. Like... I know we've said this before but thank GOD for that failed persuasion check.

Me: That nat 1 was poetry on so many levels. On a meta level the sheer luck of it was a delight, but within the context of the story I think it was great that Essek is just like... "No. I am not crossing this line, not even for you."

Sibling: It worked narratively, meta-narratively, and saved Matt from having to draw up a bunch of ambush situations made by Volstruckers when Trent inevitably backstabbed them.

Me: Can you imagine poor Matt trying to play the Tomb Takers, Trent, Astrid, Wulf, and Essek... AND Charlie/Devexien?

Sibling: He already forgets to play Essek, and he only had a few NPCs to deal with.

Me: Even purely from a gameplay standpoint, can you imagine all the loot they Nein would lose in Aeor if they had brought scourgers with them? What if they found that dunamis machine?

Sibling: EXACTLY.

Convo ended here, but I had some more thoughts. It was just too late to keep talking. For example, I like FjordxJester and BeauxYasha. I think they are actually complicated relationships but they just haven't really had the room to be deeply explored/examined, for example. I also did not go into nearly as much detail about my thoughts on VaxxShaun as I would have liked to mostly because that ship wasn't the point of the discussion. ... oh god how do I even tag this?

#critical role #critrole #critical role spoilers #critrole spoilers #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #jester lavorre

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scripttorture · 4 years

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Hello! I've browsed this blog a bit and came across the idea that torturers often develop mental illness because of their repeated exposure to the violence/trauma of seeing another person in pain, which I'd never considered before. A) Do you believe torturers can therefore be a type of victim as well, depending on the circumstances, and therefore deserving of compassion/therapy? B) Can you point me to more information about this/what kinds of mental illnesses develop in torturers? (1/2)

C) Do you think it's possible for a mass murderer/torturer character to have a realistic, satisfying redemption arc? Do you know any media that's pulled it off believably? Thank you so much for taking the time to read/answer this if you do! And for this excellent resource!

The most accessible sources that cover this are O’Mara’s Why Torture Doesn’t Work (good grounding, start with him), Rejali’s Torture and Democracy and the appendices to Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth where he describes treating two torturers.

The most current research is about 600 pages of print on demand untranslated French. If you’re fluent in French (I am not and lock down etc has got in the way of me getting this translated) Sironi Comment devient-on tortionnaire?

Broadly speaking the symptoms appear to be the same as those survivors and witnesses develop.

And I will go into this in more depth later but keep in mind there is not anywhere near enough research on torturers for us to be entirely sure about most of this. I’m working with the best information we have right now.

The other two questions are subjective and sort of complicated. By definition a lot of this is going to be my opinion because well that’s what you’re asking for.

I think we need to be really careful about describing torturers as ‘victims’.

Yes they’re put in this situation by social structures beyond their control. It is not their fault that they weren’t given training or support in their job. It’s also not their fault that we have this global message that violence is effective or that so many workplaces are unnecessarily pressured/stressful. Most of the time they are drawn in to abusing others because of the social groups and structures within the organisation they join.

Oversight (with a drive to eradicate torture), funding, training and clear consistent messages about the right way to handle difficult situations would probably prevent most cases of torture.

This does not change the fact that on an individual level each of them chose to hurt other people.

Some of them will have made that choice understanding there was a threat to their own safety if they did not. Some of them will have made that choice just because it was what everyone else was doing. Some of them genuinely believe what they did was the ‘right’ decision at the time.

They still made that choice. And given that we have records of people in similar positions refusing, even when it put them at risk of attack or death, I don’t have a lot of sympathy with the choice torturers made.

The fact I’m a pacifist factors into this. Consider my biases.

Torturers typically show a very low understanding of the impact their actions have had on other people.

They might regret their actions but this is typically framed in a very self-centred way. They usually don’t express more then cursory regard for the victims. They regret it because they’re suffering now, because they have nightmares, because they can’t keep a job. And oh it’s all so unfair.

I don’t know why this is the case. But it’s a feature Sironi described in interviews about her work. And I’ve seen it over and over again in interviews with torturers.

Yes torturers suffer. The symptoms they develop are terrible and have a lasting impact on their lives. They typically can’t hold down jobs and struggle to re-integrate into society in any meaningful fashion.

And yes I believe they should be treated. I believe that anyone with a disease or condition which requires treatment should have access to care and treatment. Whoever they are. Whatever they did.

I believe that as fellow human beings torturers are entitled to a degree of compassion. When I say that torture and mistreatment are wrong I mean it. My position doesn’t change just because the theoretical victim is a former torturer.

I do not think that treatment and compassion should be dependant on a person being suitably victimised. For me the only thing it depends on is their need and their humanity. In the literal physical sense of them being a human.

But we tend to think of ‘victim’ as a simple category that doesn’t overlap with mass murderers.

And I don’t believe the position of torturers is that simple.

Especially when so few of them are charged. Torture trials are rare. Convictions are rare. And sentences are short.

And their victims deserve justice too.

I feel conflicted about calling torturers ‘victims’ because of this complex reality. And because in fiction we have a tendency to focus on the torturers prioritising their voices over the survivors. I feel like presenting torturers as simple victims of society could risk adding to that.

For me the focus has always got to be the survivors.

And I think all of this feeds into how we handle redemption arcs.

I don’t think that writing redemption arcs for villains, even torturers or mass murderers is ‘wrong’. In fact I think that it can be a really good idea. Showing how toxic the environments these people are in is a good thing. Puncturing the way it’s romanticised is a good thing. And showing a way out of it, even if it’s imagined, is not a bad thing.

But if we’re going to do that in our stories then I think we need to think about what redemption means and in whose eyes the character is redeemed.

There’s also a small problem: we don’t really know what recovery for torturers looks like.

There isn’t enough research on them. Partly because of lack of interest but partly because the low conviction rates means sample sizes are small. We’re talking about a limited number of individuals who are jailed and we can’t really ‘prove’ that individuals who weren’t convicted were torturers. We don’t really know what the long term outcomes are, what treatments might be effective or- Much of anything.

Studies on torturers are typically based on very small numbers of individuals. (For a long time Fanon’s work was the only example of a mental health professional talking about torturers specifically. He saw two of them.) They are not statistically sound. And a lot of resources were simply journalists or mental health professionals compiling notes on the handful of individuals they talked to.

Everything I say about torturers is based on things like interviews, a handful of studies that have flaws and anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately as of right now it’s the best we’ve got.

Personally I don’t think there’s enough research on torture generally. Or enough attempts to collate relevant research from other fields. But that’s a rant for another day.

Let’s get back to that central question: what does redemption mean?

I think that it’s pretty easy to write a character changing for the better. You can build up the character’s level of insight into what they’re doing/did over the course of the story. You can show them choosing to stop. You can show them shifting to oppose their former allies.

But bundled up in the idea of a redemption arc is this: is it enough? And who is it enough for?

I don’t think survivors should be obliged to forgive former torturers. I also don’t think they’re likely to interact positively.

I’ve talked about this now and again when asked about the difference between legally defined torture and abuse. Because of the organised and widespread nature of legally defined torture there are usually communities of survivors. And communities that are collectively moving through a recovery process because even those people who weren’t directly attacked are likely to be witnesses, carers and relatives or friends of survivors.

These things echo down generations.

Cyprus gained independence from the British in 1960, my father is too young to have any real memory of the violence during the colonial period. But he referenced it in arguments with my English mother during my childhood. There are people throughout China today who won’t buy anything Japanese because of Japanese war crimes there during World War 2. There are people who won’t eat fish from the Black Sea, because the bodies of their ancestors were thrown into that sea during a genocide over a hundred years ago.

I know that as a both a Greek Cypriot and an English person there are people all over the world who will not want anything to do with me based on what my people have done to theirs. And the fact I wasn’t alive at the time does not really factor into it.

What I’m trying to illustrate here is that this is much bigger, broader and more complex then individual acts of forgiveness.

Survivors are a highly varied group of individuals. And each torturer can have thousands or tens of thousands of victims. Expecting each impacted individual, and any witnesses and all their family members and friends, to forgive these people is… let’s say ‘unlikely’.

So does redemption require forgiveness from the wounded party? Is there any possible action that can atone for the sheer scale of these atrocities?

If we play a simple number game causing this level of harm can be achieved in months or years, but saving the equivalent number of lives takes decades of skilled, dedicated work. If we look at concepts like wergild or jail as ‘paying your debt to society’ then how do we measure something like torture where the numbers are so big?

I haven’t seen a piece of fiction seriously tackle these questions. But then again I also haven’t actively looked for that fiction.

I feel like a lot of fictional redemption arcs judge a character to be sufficiently redeemed based on audience sympathy and the main cast forgiving the character. They don’t typically go on to broaden the scope of the narrative and question whether any one else impacted by the former villain’s actions also sees the character as redeemed.

One of my stories has a former torturer as a major character and I think they are a sympathetic character in many ways. I think that my readers would empathise with them through a lot of the story (which takes place decades after they stopped torturing).

They’re a mentor figure to some of the younger cast members. They’ve acted as a protector to them and taught the younger generation a lot about the minority culture they themselves are from. And they do genuinely care about these people that they helped to raise, consistently sacrificing to protect these ‘kids’. (The ‘kids’ are 30s-20s at the time of the story.)

But they’re also incredibly self centred. They don’t really interact with or have a lot of sympathy for the people they hurt. And while this particular family loves and forgives them society at large views them as a monster. Albeit one that is now leashed.

Is this a redemption story? Is this character redeemed? I genuinely don’t know. In fact that’s part of my interest in writing the story: trying to work out if there is a point, as this character grows, develops and helps others, when I believe they’ve done ‘enough’.

I think that redemption means different things for different people. A satisfying redemption story is different for different people. And if we can disagree so strongly about it with much simpler, smaller scale crimes then where does that leave us with torture?

There isn’t a simple answer or a one-size-fits-all writing solution. There can’t be.

My approach is to try and use the story to see if I can find an answer. Even if it’s only a limited one. For me the story itself is a forum for exploring human complexity and difficult ethical questions.

I don’t think we have a good solution for how to deal with these people in reality yet. But I do hold out hope that a good solution is possible. Fiction is an arena where we can safely explore possible solutions.

I guess in the end I’m not sure if there’s any story or arc that will work for everyone. I don’t think there are any hard rules for writing anything and I don’t think there’s ever a way to please everyone.

Redemption and forgiveness are complicated topics. I think we do a much better job when we engage with that complexity then when we assume a character just has to do a, b and c in order to achieve it.

When you consider someone to be truly redeemed is an ethical question that I can’t answer for you. I don’t think I should. The chances are you’ll know when you think your character has done enough.

Just be open to the fact that it won’t be enough for everyone. Consider reflecting that with the characters, because that can make for truly powerful moments.

In Midnight’s Children Shiva never forgives Saleem, even though Saleem isn’t responsible for Shiva ‘losing’ his life and family because they were both infants at the time. And damn there are a lot of flaws in the movie adaptation but that scene between them in the jail, when Saleem throws that in Shiva’s face hits hard. It shows us so much about both characters.

And I think that’s a better way to approach it then trying to figure out if a character is redeemed yet: figuring out how they’ve progressed, how others respond to that progression and why.

I hope that helps :)

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camelotsheart · 4 years

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MERLIN CHALLENGE 2020 Day Thirteen - Favourite Cast Member Katie & Julian in 5x13 commentary

I know this is a very big stretch from the theme, but Katie and Julian in this commentary were honestly iconic. Includes: mentions of bondage, incest, so, so much subtext and just a horrendous amount of queerbaiting. I’ve compiled a list of the funniest/most important exchanges below the line.

At the start of the commentary:

J: There are no homoerotic undertones to Merlin of any kind.

K: I think so. I mean, whenever I played any scenes with Millie it was always straight in my mind.

J: No, there are definitely lesbian undertones in those.

When Merlin tells Arthur he has magic:

J: It's a very beautiful moment between two men. [Katie tries to hold her laughter]

K: ...You are not helping this commentary at all, by the way, Julian.

J: No, I'm not.

K: I think you possibly have been waiting for the sixty-five episodes to do this one commentary.

J: Yes. I've always been a bit more serious in the previous ones.

K: No he hasn't, actually.

Also in this scene:

J: ...On no level is magic metaphorical in this show.

K: It's funny, because I don't actually feel like you're being sincere.

J: I'm always sincere.

K: You're the exec. You are never sincere.

J: Believe me, I'm a fountain of truth and honesty.

K: Julian is lying right now. Lying.

When Gwen is back in the castle and Leon reports to her that Arthur is still missing:

J: We've gone to the spurned wife who wants to know where her husband is.

K: But she has Sir Leon. Why would she need...?

J: Ah... Well you see, that's another undercurrent in Merlin, isn't it?

K: Sir Leon?

J: Sir Leon.

K: Oh no. It's definitely-

J: Sir Leon and Gwen.

Also in this scene:

K: ...We know that you never gave me any love interests.

J: I gave you Morgause.

K: [She laughs] He says -- in all seriousness!

J: Incestuous lesbianism. What more can you want?

K: You cannot make a show without lesbianism, in all fairness.

J: It's gotta be said.

Also in this scene:

K: I do worry about you guys, actually. I worry that there are men sitting in a room with Merlin just trying to come up with the most ridiculous scenes that they could get past the BBC.

J: That's...

K: He's nodding.

J: Not true.

K: He is nodding! He's nodding -- it's so true!

J: It's a family show.

K: Not in your head.

When Arthur tells Gaius Merlin is a sorcerer:

K: Did Gaius know?

J: What, that he was a sorcerer?

K: That's not what I asked. About the undertones.

J: No, Richard would never think of anything like that.

K: You're right, he's a gentleman.

J: He's a gentleman... A man of genuine innocence.

When Arthur gives Gaius the royal seal:

K: The seal... He's passing the mantle to the woman-

J: Yep. That's the last vestige of his heterose-- I mean, sorry. That's the last vestige of his marriage--

K: Oh my god! [They laugh] This has descended to a level. I mean, I thought I was bad in these - playing up - but I have got nothing on Julian Murphy here. I think we should just throw it all out the window.

J: The way we directed the scene where Gaius tells Gwen is basically the thing of it.

K: I think you must just think of most of these scenes in this episode (as the thing of it), if you don't go-

J: It always helps, I swear.

K: You know, he ain't lying again. He has told me this.

J: If you want to find the emotional truth of it, it does help.

When Gaius comes back to Camelot and talks to Gwen:

J: That's a tricky one for Gaius to explain - why he's not come back to his wife.

K: You-- You're seeing an entirely different show here than a lot of people, aren't you?

J: Yeah, I know. I do.

When.... er, Julian describes it better:

J: This is the scene where Merlin feeds Arthur... I'll just let that hang in the air.

K: I will input what I can. Alex Vlahos is lost in laughter listening to this. He can't quite believe what's coming out of your mouth.

J: It's actually quite a moving scene.

K: And yet that's not what you want to comment on.

And uh, yeah... another one:

J: Now Merlin is giving Arthur a drink.

K: I think he's just giving him a drink there.

J: Yes. They just spend the whole episode on this journey. It's quite simple.

K: Feeding each other?

J: The feeding thing, I think, is in your mind, Katie.

K: You just said it then. I'm just repeating back to you what you said. Don't try and blame this on me! For a start, you guys came up with the episodes!

When Gwaine and Percival are attacking Morgana:

J: This entire sequence is actually a homage to Tom's arms.

When Morgana has tied them up:

J: Oh, Katie. You've tied up the man again.

K: I know. I just like them where I want them, you know. I don't want them to go far.

J: And as you say, thousands of girls watching Merlin want them in that position.... You've tied them both up!

K: Well, like I said - I don't want them to run away when I want them.

When Merlin uses his magic to lead Saxons on a false trail:

[Arthur: All these years Merlin, and you never once sought any credit.

Merlin: That's not why I do it.]

K: Liar!

J: Well, he knows.

K: What are you--

J: You can never be too sure about these things.

K: It's all the meaningful glances now after this DVD commentary that I'm just going--

J: I should say that Katie, just before we wrote this episode, insisted that it ended with a kiss between Arthur and Merlin.

K: That is not what I said. That's what you put into it. I had the most amazing ending.... My ending, which you didn't use, which I thought would have been amazing, is -- Arthur. Mortally wounded on the battlefield. Merlin comes up and cradles him in his arms. Merlin to Arthur: I have magic. Arthur takes his face in his hands: I know. I think I've always known.

When Arthur and Merlin rest for an hour:

[Arthur: Whatever happens--

Merlin: Shh. Don't talk.

Arthur: I'm the king, Merlin. You can't tell me what to do.]

K: Awww

[Merlin: I always have. I'm not going to change now.]

K: [laughs] oh my god....

[Arthur: I don't want you to change.]

K: [continues laughing] Do you know how much trouble we're going to get in from people saying this was a beautiful moment and all you guys can do is laugh?

J: Well I think you need to have both sides of it. And to be fair, we did genuinely think of the episode as a love story between two men. That's what I think it is. Jokes aside and innuendos aside, I remember talking to Justin and saying that's what it's about.

K: You can't deny that Merlin and Arthur love each other. On whatever love way you want to think. There is no denying it.

J: I think it's a purer love than you, say, had for your sister.

K: You say I had for my sister. [Julian laughs] Ok. I don't know how you read that into it.

J: No. We'll stop there.

K: Oh, we won't.

When Morgana rides her horse through the woods:

K: More Katie galloping.

J: I think you did that just so you could see my boobs.

K: I definitely didn't.

When The Scene happens:

J: Now we're nearing the moment. I'll show you where exactly I'd pick is the...

K: ...where it's all been building to -- almost sixty-five hours of TV. Special moment.

... [Arthur: Just hold me, please.]

J: There you are.

K: [gasps] I can't believe you put that in.

J: Well I think it's... you know, he's dying. The man he loves is dying, so he's holding him.

K: I don't think that's what you meant at all when you put that line.

J: It is!

Shameless trivialisation of ruining everyone’s holiday:

J: I don't know how the nation's gonna feel on christmas eve, but anyway.

K: Yeah, it's kind of a downer.

Katie being literally everyone in the Merlin fandom:

[Kilgharrah: No man, no matter how great, can know his destiny.]

K: Hold on a second here, hasn't the dragon been telling him his destiny this entire time?

J: Yeah, but that's the sort of annoying comment that people make when they're not just going with the flow.

K: Oh really? Oh really, is it? [they laugh] Fine then!

#no edits today #but it was enjoyable nontheless #this is the only commentary I've listened to #will listen to the others if i get time #bbc merlin #merlinchallenge2020 #katie mcgrath #julian murphy

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makeste · 5 years

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why Kaminari Denki is not the U.A. traitor (and why the traitor is actually Hagakure)

thank you, anon! okay first off, my opinion of the Kaminari Traitor Theory is: nah, he ain’t. but as requested, I will break this down and refute the various arguments point by point.

this is a big compilation of various “Kaminari is the traitor” posts from 4chan (general warning btw for 4chan being 4chan), which I got from this reddit thread. some of these are clearly shitposts, but on the whole it seems fairly comprehensive, so I’m gonna use this as my primary source for theory arguments. if there are any major arguments for this theory that I missed please let me know.

also! a huge part of the reason why I don’t subscribe to this theory is that I am 1000% sure that Hagakure is the actual traitor. so the second half of this post will consist of a detailed explanation as to why I’m all-in on that theory to the point of dismissing any and all other theories. I feel like that’s worth clarifying a bit more.

so! here goes.

“his proto design is that of a villain”

lol I’m trying to think of how to put this diplomatically. this is something I see a lot, people using Horikoshi’s prototype sketches and notes as evidence for various theories. the thing is, this is shaky ground at best. there’s a reason why these are proto designs and not the final product. Deku’s proto design had emo kid hair, and proto!Katsuki was an obnoxious prep school kid lol. plans change, and thank fucking god for that tbh.

but that aside, “he looks like a villain” is not in any way a solid argument to begin with. Horikoshi has made a point in the actual story of showing that people’s preconceived notions of what heroes and villains “should” look and behave like doesn’t always line up with reality. and in this case we’re not even basing it on behavior, but solely on how he looks, which is really kind of discriminatory. by that logic, one could look at, say, Shouji, and be all, “well he’s clearly the traitor.” just because someone looks scary at first glance doesn’t mean they actually are. all in all, I don’t buy it.

“Kaminari is the only one who could have told the villains where the camping trip was being held since he’s pretty much a walking GPS”

I present to you a panel from chapter 83:

literally any one of the students could have used their phone’s GPS to pinpoint their location and send it to the villains. they weren’t on any kind of communications lockdown, and even if they were, there was no practical way to enforce it. so this argument doesn’t really hold water for me. even if Kami’s quirk did work that way, which we don’t really have evidence of aside from one weird line in the USJ arc that has never since been expanded on, that doesn’t really work as evidence of him being the traitor when there are 39 other kids who could have done the exact same thing without a quirk.

“his dumbness is fake”

this is honestly the one aspect of this theory that I least understand. the thing is, this isn’t a theory. this is a what-if. it’s as if it occurred to someone one day, “lol what if he was just faking” and then this entire elaborate conspiracy headcanon was built up around that and eventually evolved into what we have today. this just doesn’t make sense to me at all. is there any evidence of him actually faking it? I feel like people just went “omg that would be such a cool twist” and then started arguing why it could be canon.

anyways I personally think Kaminari is 100% certified organic dumbass, and frankly I love him for that. where is the respect for the dumbasses of the world. Kaminari is still a great character even if he’s not secretly a JUST AS PLANNED double agent. you don’t need to make him evil for him to be interesting.

“look at his sneering face here, though”

okay yeah but hear me out: he’s a little shithead, lol. I mean, do you also think Bakugou is the traitor or.

“I edited this picture to make him look more evil, look”

okay??? lol, what. I think we can just move right along from this one.

“he didn’t bother with a costume, this must mean he doesn’t need help controlling his ability”

this I don’t get at all. a lot of the kids went into hero school not having a clear idea of what kind of costume features would best suit their quirks. that’s only natural; they’re still inexperienced. it is in no way any kind of indicator of any deception on their part. Kaminari is extremely powerful, but until recently he hasn’t had the guidance he needed to help him figure out how to harness that power better. and seeing as he has now made several modifications to his costume since starting at U.A., this argument is out of date.

“it’s scary how much traitor kaminari would make sense”

a lot of these really are just shitposts, huh? maybe I should have picked a better source. but just, like. what even is the logic here? “if he’s actually not stupid THEN HE MUST BE EVIL”? I really am trying to give this theory a fair shake you guys, even though it probably doesn’t seem that way. but this is just leap after leap. I keep thinking that I must have missed something crucial but as far as I can tell this is it.

“Monoma’s gonna copy his quirk and figure it out”

I do want to see Monoma copy his quirk, but only because seeing him go all “wheeeey” would be absolutely amazing tbh.

“reminder that kaminari thought stain was cool”

this one is actually a reasonable point. but listen, you have to keep in mind that Kaminari is a sixteen-year-old boy who gets easily swept up in the latest crazes and memes and fads. he’s naturally curious, and very open-minded and accepting, even when he perhaps shouldn’t be. but it’s as much a strength as it is a weakness, if not more so. those same traits make him the friendliest member of class 1-A (with the possible exception of Kirishima), allowing him to get along well even with a sentient cactus like Bakugou, and to stubbornly befriend Shinsou all of fifteen minutes after Shinsou announced that he wasn’t there to make friends lmao. he’s very unprejudiced, and when you put that together with how excitable he is, you can see how that might make him a bit more susceptible to getting caught up in stuff like the Stain hype train. it doesn’t make him evil. hell, even Deku had a kind of begrudging respect for Stain. I personally can’t stand Stain at all so I don’t get it myself lol, but it seems to be canon that he had a real charisma which many people were swayed by even if they didn’t agree with his ideals.

“>hanging wrist watches on the wall - Who the hell does this”

you know what that’s a fair point too.

“his room is tacky and shows no personality”

okay in seriousness this is barely worth addressing because it’s so far of a reach, but fine. the thing is, Kaminari’s core personality is that of a typical teenage boy. that’s his role in the class. he’s just a normal guy, because you need to have some normal people around to balance out this cast of extravagant weirdos. and anyways, if we’re accusing people of being evil simply because their rooms lack personality, Ojiro and Shouji’s rooms are right. there. I’m just saying.

“he was in remedial too [on the school trip]. avoiding combat”

so were Sero, Kirishima, Mina, Satou, and Monoma. what’s more, they didn’t know that the remedial kids were going to be barred from participating in the test of courage. most of them were devastated to realize that lol. anyways so yeah this isn’t really proof of anything.

“[the night] before the attack Kaminari is clearly missing”

this is referring to this panel from chapter 75:

however, there’s actually a whole chapter in the second light novel about Iida going around in the middle of the night checking on his sleeping classmates (which is actually very sweet) while also trying to find his glasses, and said chapter establishes that Iida is in fact the one missing in this scene. because he’s wandering around tucking people in and shit. Kaminari is actually the one under the pile of pillows.

anyways, this is getting long and I haven’t even gotten into the real meat of this post yet, so I’ll just address a couple of the remaining arguments real quick.

but if he’s really that stupid how did he get into U.A.” - he studied!!! also he’s not really that stupid! he can be very bright, he’s just easily distracted.

L pose – as others have pointed out, this...

...is very likely just a variation of his finger gun pose, as seen here:

but even if it’s not, my rebuttal for the Stain argument applies here as well. my boy loves his memes. this would have been right in the midst of all the Deika City coverage, and the PLF probably took the opportunity to throw a few poses in there. it’s probably the trendy thing on Instagram right now. in any case, what it is not is proof that Kaminari is the person who broke into the U.A. offices and stole the staff schedule in order to facilitate the League’s planned invasion of USJ. nor is it proof of Kaminari being the one who gave away the training camp’s location.

and segueing into the second part of this post now, this, IMO, is what so many of these traitor theories are missing. if you’re trying to identify who the U.A. traitor is, these are the two incidents you need to look at. I feel like a lot of people get swept up in what-if speculation, and forget what sparked this whole notion of there being a mole at U.A. in the first place. it’s specifically because of these two attacks, which could not have been planned without the assistance of an inside person providing information to the League from within UA. therefore, if we’re trying to identify who the traitor is, these are the only two questions we actually have to answer:

who, if anyone, had the opportunity to steal the staff schedule during Shigaraki’s break-in in chapter 12, and

who was it that gave away the training camp’s location and allowed Dabi and co. to invade and kidnap Bakugou?

that’s it. this, IMO, is what the focus should be on. and here’s the thing: while we still don’t have a definitive answer for the second question, we do have an answer for the first, and Horikoshi gave it to us all the way back in that same chapter.

but before I get to that, let’s back up and revisit that memorable incident. recall, if you will, the events that took place on the day of the break-in. class 1-A voted on a class president, and afterwards, during their lunch period, the security alarm went off as a result of Tomura doing this to the door and allowing the press to swarm the school:

initially, Rat Principal speculates as to whether a villain might have taken the opportunity to sneak in. but given the later incident at the training camp, as Present Mic rightly points out, it’s far more likely that there is a traitor in their midst instead. someone who had both the means and opportunity to take advantage of the chaos caused by the press, and somehow steal a copy of the staff schedule from right under U.A.’s nose.

given that this same person is almost certainly the one who later on gave the training camp info to the villains as well, this narrows down the field of potential suspects to either one of the teachers, or a student from class 1-A or 1-B. obviously if it’s a teacher then it could be any one of them, so there’s really no point in trying to narrow it down. the same goes for 1-B since we’re not even introduced to them until the following arc and we have no idea what they were doing during this incident. so for now, the question becomes: which, if any of the class 1-A kids had the opportunity to steal the schedule during chapter 12?

and for the answer, we need only revisit the class president voting records:

incidentally, this is something I can’t take credit for, because it was Viz’s translator Caleb Cook who originally pointed it out on his Twitter. but anyways. just in case this isn’t clear, the results are as following:

3 votes - Deku (himself, Ochako, and Iida)

2 votes - Yaomomo (herself, and Shouto)

1 vote - Jirou, Tsuyu, Ojiro, Kaminari, Bakugou, Sero, Kirishima, Tokoyami, Mineta, Satou, Kouda, Mina, Shouji, and Aoyama

for anyone doing the math, that is... nineteen votes.

curious, for a class consisting of twenty kids. and downright suspicious given the events that take place less than an hour later. assuming that each student voted for him or herself as implied, what this means is that every kid in class 1-A is accounted for on the day of the break-in, except one. and it’s not Kaminari.

it’s Hagakure.

Hagakure is not featured in any of the panels before or after the vote, either. true, she’s invisible, but she should still be wearing her uniform at the very least. but she is very distinctively the sole 1-A student unaccounted for during this chapter. Hagakure, whose quirk is invisibility. Hagakure, who could have easily slipped into the teacher’s office during the press onslaught and taken a copy of the schedule unnoticed. Hagakure, who is also one of only two people (the other being Aoyama) whose whereabouts are also unverified during the subsequent attack:

now this is where it gets really interesting. why would Hagakure’s location be deliberately withheld? especially since later on she says that she was actually with Todoroki the whole time:

unlike Aoyama, whose whereabouts remain a mystery because He Is Just Like That, Hagakure freely discloses her own whereabouts. the thing is though, if it wasn’t actually a secret, then why did Horikoshi go out of his way to omit it in the first place? there are other characters whose locations we only know because Horikoshi put them on the map. specifically Tokoyami and Kouda, who are never actually shown battling once they get warped away (at least not in the manga). yet despite this, their whereabouts aren’t a secret. it’s a deliberate choice by Horikoshi to not confirm where Hagakure actually is, and coming on the heels of her also being conspicuously MIA in chapter 12, this IMO is a huge red flag.

anyway, so now let’s fast forward to the training camp arc. now here, we do know where Hagakure ends up. specifically, she gets KOed by the gas along with Jirou. this makes her one of only two U.A. students who are not actually involved in the fighting either at the forest, or back at the lodge with Vlad. at first glance, that might appear to make her less suspicious. and it’s true that unlike the USJ arc, there is no evidence here that directly ties Hagakure to this particular invasion (though the same is true for pretty much everyone else as well). however, there are two things I would like to point out. the first is Hagakure and Jirou’s position in the test of courage lineup:

directly behind Todoroki and Bakugou (a.k.a. the League’s target). this would have put her in a good position to signal to the League when to attack. note that the attack didn’t commence until Baku and Todo had reached the midpoint of the trail, which results in their decision to press forward through the forest rather than turning back toward the start.

this is suspiciously good timing on the League’s part. it’s not confirmed they knew exactly when to strike -- they could have just gotten lucky -- but it’s something worth taking note of.

and the second thing is that being so close to the League’s target would have made it difficult for Hagakure to escape without having to fight the League. and since she wasn’t alone, she couldn’t just run off and hide like during USJ. so it may be that she made the deliberate choice to let the poison gas take the two of them out instead, especially if she knew in advance that it wouldn’t actually be lethal. this gives her an alibi for the attack without putting her in the awkward position of potentially having to fight her own allies. all in all it’s making the best of a tricky situation.

lastly, here’s the thing that really clinches the whole theory for me, and it takes place a couple of days later. now remember, the purpose of this whole attack was for the League to kidnap Bakugou. they go to all that trouble, even losing three of their own members in the process. and what happens afterwards, barely two days later? the heroes track down the villains using Momo’s homing device and Naomasa’s fortuitous tip, and are able to get Bakugou back, albeit at great cost. all of that meticulous planning, only for the League to end up on the run, and with Tomura’s mentor taken captive to boot.

this seems like a huge oversight on behalf of the U.A. traitor if they knew about the heroes’ attack and didn’t think to warn the League. and the thing is, we know for a fact that every single member of class 1-A did know in advance, thanks to Kirishima and Shouto. every member that is, except two.

hmmm.

so, to reiterate. Hagakure Tooru:

has no alibi for the incident in chapter 12 during which someone stole the staff schedule as confirmed by Kurogiri in chapter 13

has no confirmed alibi for the USJ invasion

had the means and opportunity to pass along the training camp location to the villains, assuming she had a phone with GPS

is one of only two 1-A students who did not know that the heroes had tracked the villains’ location, and thus would not have been able to pass along that vital bit of info. we know that the villains were caught unawares by the heroes’ raid, so this is huge

so that’s three incidents (not counting the training camp location which admittedly anyone could have done) in which Hagakure is singled out as one of only a handful of people with no alibi during a critical moment. now granted, there are a handful of other candidates who could possibly fall under suspicion for same reasons. Aoyama’s whereabouts are also unknown during the USJ invasion, and Jirou was also knocked out during the training camp attack. however, Hagakure is the only one who lacks an alibi for all three incidents. and, crucially, she is the sole 1-A student who did not vote in the class president election, something which is never explained or even brought up but which is hidden in plain sight.

for these reasons, I pretty much have to conclude that Hagakure is the U.A. traitor. it just lines up. and for me, the difference between the Hagakure theory and the Kaminari theory is that the evidence for the former is based on actual events in the canon, whereas the Kami theory seems to mostly just be speculation about whether or not he’s secretly evil. and look, I have no idea whether or not Hagakure is evil. I have no clue why she’d be doing this. she seems nice (although it’s worth pointing out that we have no idea what she actually looks like, who her family is, or even how old she really is for that matter. her quirk is awfully convenient for being a spy). motive is definitely a big question mark here. but the fact remains that all of the evidence we have thus far points to one candidate, and that’s her.

anyways! so that’s the end of my post about the Kaminari traitor theory, I guess! basically, he is not the traitor for many reasons, but the most compelling one is that the actual traitor has already been confirmed in my book. anyhoo, this plot has more or less been on hold since chapter 98, so it’s been quite a while since we’ve had much to speak of in terms of new evidence. but as of 242 it looks like things may finally be on the move again, so that’s exciting. regardless of my opinion on the Kami theory, I’m excited that people are talking about this again, and I really can’t wait to see how things develop from here.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #kaminari denki #hagakure tooru #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #bnha theory #u.a. traitor #traitor!hagakure #hagakure traitor theory

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cloudyyoonji · 5 years

Text

You Are Family.

Lee Felix X Reader.

BASED ON AN ANONYMOUS ASK

Summary: As you are swarmed with insecurities, sometimes it’s important to look at the small things in your life.

Genre: Fluffy Angst with elements of cute OT8 fluff! ___________

Your mirror is full of photos. Photos of you. Photos of the boys you had grown to love. Photos of you and Felix falling in love.

The photos tell stories. Stories of happy memories that were preserved in time. Stories like the time you’d surprised them at one of their early concerts, or the time Felix’s eyes shined like the sun when you’d turned up in the crowd whist they’d been on tour.

The camera had seen the happiest moments of your life, but the mirror had seen the worst. From your first fight to the day a close relative passed away, the mirror had been there through all of your troubles. But then again, as had Felix.  

But he just couldn’t know about this.

Your body is curled into a ball, knees pressed together to cradle your face, tears streaming down your cheeks to your chin and landing onto the soft surface of skin.

‘If you could just lose a little weight.’ you’d said to yourself, ‘If you can just lose a little weight, you’ll be happier. You’ll fit in.”

This had been months ago. Diet after diet, gym session after gym session. It felt that perhaps nothing was going to help. You didn’t want to drag them down, drag Felix down.

These were secrets only the mirror in front of you knew about, only you knew about.

Your phone vibrates from the floor next to you, causing you to untangle yourself from fetal position to read the text.

“Hey,” the text reads, “We just finished up recording so your welcome to come down to the dorms!”

Texting back a quick reply, you sigh at your current state - baggy sweater, tights, and messy hair. Trading your hair for a swift pony tail, you are quick to wash your face in hopes that the red rimmed stain that marks your eyes will just disappear by the time you reach the JYP building.

But unfortunately, any hope of shielding your insecurities is destroyed when the door opens and the boys expression falters into worry.

“Y/N, baby, whats wrong?” He’s quick to pull you inside, into his welcoming embrace.  “Nothing!” You reply, feinting surprise when he points to your swollen eyes.

“Have you been crying? Your eyes are all red rimmed.” Your hands immediately go to your eyes, which even feel puffy under your touch.

Groaning to stall time, you quickly scour your mind for an excuse, landing on what you hope is realistic enough.

“Shit Felix, I get dry eyes, remember? I forgot to put some drops in before I left.”

“Now that you mention it, I do remember you saying that. Come inside and I'll see if we have any for you!”

Dragging you to the kitchen, he is quick to start rummaging through the medicine cabinet before passing you a bottle of eyedrops. You put them in your eyes quickly, thanking him with a light smile.

“The boys are just in the living room, come.”

And so you're dragged down the hallway, into a room that you know quite well. The boys are all sitting there, watching a movie play out on the screen, but seem distracted when you and Felix enter.

“Y/N!” Hyunjin’s voice is loud, causing you to cover your ears as the boy leaps to his feet and throws his arms around you. You can only laugh at him, patting his back as he lets you out of his extremely tight embrace. Behind him stands Chan, who has his hands clasped in a way you’ve only seen once before - when it was revealed they’d been debuting.

“Y/N,” he starts, looking around the room at all the eager boys. “We’re wondering if perhaps you’d like to join us tomorrow at the Seoul Music Awards? It’d mean a lot if you came, and well… we just want you to come with us.”

You stand there, absolutely shocked.

“Are you… are you for real?” You ask, looking to your boyfriend for confirmation who only nods, a large grin plastered on his face. “Of course I’ll come!” You exclaim, breaking out into a large smile to try and suffocate the dread thats building up in your chest like a volcano about to erupt.

They break out in smiles, a series of loud exclamations, and hugs. Completely body slamming into you, you can’t but help laugh as they all compile into you, screaming excitedly at your answer.

Your excitement and dread can only grow as they take you to their stylists.

“Ah,” you think, “of course their getting fitted today.”

When a stylist calls you over, your thoroughly confused, giving the boys an odd look as you walk over.

“Y/N,” You turn your attention Jisung who only smiles at your confusion. “You didn’t think we’d let you go to an awards show without a kickass dress?”

You smile with gratitude, thankful that you won’t need to stress about what to wear. But dread spills over as you realize that you’ll have to be measured. Okay, perhaps that was a slight exaggeration. Measuring wasn’t as weird as you’d thought it’d be... and the dress is really really beautiful!! Being something you’ve been dying to try for a long time. It's a white dress, cut so the back flows to the floor whilst the front ends just above your knees. The white is to compliment the rest of the boys’ outfits, as they would be wearing white suits. The stylists think you look absolutely amazing, reassuring you that everyone will think the same.

“Y/N! Felix is not going to know who you are tomorrow! You already look so beautiful, just imagine what you’ll look like all dolled up!”

You laugh, nodding. Perhaps you do look amazing. Maybe you’ll finally find your belonging, and all your issues will be irradiated in just one night.

So when the next day comes, you're overjoyed. When you arrive at the JYP building, all the boys are already dressed up, having to leave a little earlier for the red carpet before they go in.

“Guys,” You screech, seeing their crisp white suits. “You look amazing!”

Minho straightens out his suit, pulling a serious face. “Did you call us... amazing? Don’t you mean stupidly handsome?”

Hitting his arm, Felix let’s out a sound of betrayal. “She’s saving that one for me bud.”

“This is true,” You comment, your hand intertwining with Felix’s. “You do look pretty handsome babe.” The rest of the group groan at your cheesiness.

“Stray Kids, The car is here for you.” Upon the manager's request for them to leave, you bid your goodbyes and “see you soon’s”, giving Felix a quick kiss goodbye.

The stylists were most definitely right. They have made you look amazing, so amazing that you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore.

“Woah!” You exclaim, tilting your head to see the makeup. The dress looks so amazing with such simple makeup. You look and feel like you’re a true idol, a superstar. Bidding them Thank you for their hard work, your ushered into a car which would lead you to the back entrance of the awards show.

“They’re just getting photos now, so you’ll be alone for a few minutes Miss. A table marked with a card for “Stray Kids” just on your left as you walk in.” Thanking the host, you quickly find your way to the lounge you’ll all be sitting at, finding it easily in a few minutes because of his directions.

So you sit, hands folded into your lap to keep your dress down, and awaiting the arrival of the definitely ‘Stray’ kids. You spot them after few minutes of waiting, their white suits like a beacon of light.

Crainging your neck for just a glimpse of Felix, a sigh escapes you when you cannot see him with the others. As you let your eyes wander, searching for where your boyfriend could have gone, you spot him. He’s stood in his spot, eyes wide and trained on you. A smile breaks over his face, mouth forming a simple word; ‘Wow’.

You can’t help but smile, feeling slightly embarrassed at his reaction. You can only watch as he literally sprints to his group, pushing past them and making his way to you whilst his members laugh behind him.

“Woah.” He breathes, finally reaching you. You stand up, wobbling slightly in your heels. But, Felix is quick to catch you, hands in yours to steady you.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Your reply comes out in a whisper, nerves swarming in your chest as he looks at you, wide eyed.

“You look... you look seriously so beautiful.” You can’t help but look down at his comment, a smile creeping onto your face. He grabs your shoulders, a smile forming on his own features. “Actually you look absolutely stunning, gorgeous in fact.”

“Ah, stop!” You exclaim, hitting his chest slightly with your fist. He can only laugh at your embarrassment, eyes crinkling into crescent moons.

“Y/N!” Jeongin shouts, drawing your attention from your boyfriend to the boys approaching. You wave, a grin illuminating your enhanced features.

“You look so pretty!” Seungmin tells you, giving you a quick hug. You hug them all, trying not to fall over yourself as you do so.

Sitting down, you cross and uncross your legs, playing with the dress to try to be modest. Glancing around, you notice other female idols with blankets sitting on their laps. Felix stirs next to you, causing you to turn to look at him. A white jacket is suddenly spread across your legs, causing you to look up at your boyfriend, who now looked to be the odd one out. Vaguely aware of the “awh’s” of fans sitting to the side of you, you caught his eye, casting him a questioning gaze of ‘are you sure?’

He simply smiles, patting your leg with a reassuring tap, and pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. ‘Of course, I’m sure’ he seemed to say.

So as the performances begin to start, you settle yourself so your leaning slightly on Felix, who interlaces your fingers.

The performances go off without a hitch, each one bringing you closer to the moment you knew the boys are anxiously awaiting: the rookie group award. So when their name is called, cameras pointed at you all, they’re up immediately, all smiles as they engulf each other in a hug. Pulling back slightly, you move backward from the view of the camera.

Turning to you, Felix beacons you in for a hug, but all you can do is laugh, mouthing go and waving your hands towards the stage. He quickly rushes to the other boys, eyes shining like the sun at their achievement. He can only watch you as they cross the stage to get the award, so proud of all his band has done, all he’s done to get this far.

And you're happy for him too, trying to push yourself out of the light meant for idols, and into one, you feel more comfortable in. So after the speeches, they all come back, eyes shining. You stand up, ready to congratulate them.

“We won!” Chan exclaims in a whisper, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

“Congratulations Chan, you deserve it you’re a brilliant leader!

He pulls back, eyes bright. “You really think so?” Smiling, you immediately nod. “I know so.”

Each of the boys come back, you hugging each one to congratulate them, Felix is the last- holding the award of course. He embraces you in a huge hug, slightly rocking from side to side as he presses his face into your shoulder.

“We did it! We really did it!” His voice is muffled, but he sounds overjoyed.

“Congratulations Lix!” You reply, patting his back lightly. When he pulls back, his eyes shine brighter than any star you’d ever seen. It made your heart swell with something you could only describe as true love.

For the rest of the night, you’re quiet, Lix occasionally checking in on you, which you simply smile and give him a thumbs up to reassure him. The car ride goes by quickly, everyone being super, super hyped about their recent win. So naturally, when you all arrive back at the dorm, they want to thank their fans via v-live.

“Y/N came with us tonight! Where is she? Hang on.” You hear Chan shuffle from one of the rooms. “Y/N! Come here!”

The instant he spots you, he takes off running after you. “Felix!” You yell, taking the bolt to where the boys are settled in the living room. Taking cover behind the crowd of boys, you find yourself gripping into Changbin’s jacket, desperate to shield yourself from Chan’s terrible Australian commentary.

“Where is she? Ah there!” You shuffle further into a laughing Changbin, squealing as you feel hands on your waist dragging you away.

“Wow, look at this beauty!” You can’t but help roll your eyes at your boyfriend who has seemed to join in on the commentary.

“Ah! Y/N! Say hi to STAY’s will you?! They’ve been asking for you!”

“Oh, ah.” You bow slightly, “H-Hello everyone.” Chan only tsks your formality behind the camera, causing you to laugh.

“Doesn’t she look pretty stays?!” Felix’s voice is absolutely deafening from behind you, his smile big as he looks from the camera to you. You hide your face in his shoulder, embarrassment setting in at their making a big deal of you.

“Okay, guys! We better wrap this one up! Everyone come in!” All literally shouting their goodbyes, they quickly finish the live and sigh in content.

Some small talk later, your somewhat aware of the time and immediately realize you need to head home, not wanting to be too much of an inconvenience.

“No! No! You can stay here tonight Y/N.” Minho insists, brow creasing at the idea of letting you walk home in the dark.

“Yeah! You can stay here! It’s fine seriously! And you’ve still got some clothes here from this morning you can wear tomorrow. I’ll just give you some of my clothes for tonight.” Felix adds, hand on your arm to prevent you from getting up. Each member nods in agreement, a chorus of ‘yeah’s’ confirming your fate of staying the night at the dorm. “Okay,” You sigh, giving in. “But someone’s gotta lend me their skin care!”

Half an hour and a raw face later, you're settled into bed next to a sleeping Felix.

However, your attempts for sleep fails, the eerie silence in the dorm definitely not helping your case. You reach for your phone situated on the floor, carefully turning it over to see the time. 2:23am stands out like a white light, making you sigh even more. Thinking carefully, you look over at the soundly sleeping Felix, then at Hyunjin’s bed, which doesn’t move. You slowly climb out of the bed, taking your phone from the power cord, and tiptoeing out of the room. Once in the hallway, door closed behind you, you venture to the living room, taking the blanket neatly folded in the armchair, and draping it around yourself in a cold shiver.

Letting your phone illuminate the room, your quick to jump onto social media. A few articles pop out, “See Stray Kids cute interactions at the Seoul Music Awards.” “Y/N L/N spotted with Stray Kids as they attend the Seoul Music Awards.” But one article in particular intrigues you more, your fingers already clicking on the link. “Netizens discuss Lee Felix’s girlfriend Y/N L/N.” You know it’s a bad idea, but some part of you just can’t help it.

But, you certainly wish you could’ve helped it. “She’s a little chubby.” “She’s not very good looking. A little out of his league if you ask me.” “Ew, so superficial.” “So fat...why’d they put her in that dress?”

Immediately, you shut off your phone, breathing hard in the darkness. You wish you’d gone home, somewhere only your mirror would be able to see your tears rather than a place full of happy memories. Covering your mouth with your hand, you squeeze your eyes shut, pushing back your watery sobs with a pane of glass.

You cannot cry, not now, not here. So you pull the blanket over your shivering body, desperate for some comfort and settle yourself on the couch, knowing well and truly you won’t be sleeping tonight.

The sun makes its way through the cracks in the curtains, the light pouring into the room in different golden glows as the time continues to tick on, you find yourself growing uncomfortable in all your positions on the couch, opting for just sitting position on the carpeted floor. Your phone still lies abandoned to the side, switched off and never to be used again.

“Y/N?” The voice gives you a heart attack, you turning in your giant blanket burrito to meet the eyes of none of than Seungmin, who only stares at you with tired eyes.

“What are you doing awake? It’s 7:30 in the morning.”

“I could say the same thing.” you stall, pushing yourself into standing position.

He clicks his fingers into a finger gun. “Touché. Chan woke me. Your excuse?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

He nods. “Right, well the others will probably be awake soon... would you like to help me with breakfast?”

Shedding off the blanket, you follow him into the kitchen and begin the hefty task of cooking for the 8 boys.

It’s somewhat worth the work though. You’ve never felt this full before after breakfast. But this morning you’re more reserved than usual, not engaging in conversations as you try to withdraw from them, the words you read last night douse your thoughts in gasoline, lighting them in fire and driving you into sadness and panic.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” You look up in surprise at Changbin, who only looks at you more concerned, an equally worried Seungmin by his side. The rest of the boys seem too engaged in conversations to listen to yours.

“Yeah! I’m fine, just a little tired.” You lie, picking up a piece of egg from your plate.

“How’d you sleep?” Again you look up rather surprised, definitely adding to their suspicions that something was definitely wrong.

“Um, okay. I think.” Another lie. But when Changbins expression hardens, your lie cracks.

“Okay so I actually didn’t sleep at all...” you trail off, looking down as a few of the members turn their attention to you

“Y/N, did you stay out there all night?” Seungmin asks, putting his chopsticks onto the table. You’re not making eye contact anymore, nodding slightly as you play with a grain of rice left on your plate. Someone touches your shoulder slightly, patting it in a comforting manner as you only wallow in the silence that has filled the room.

“Hey, Y/N have you been okay lately? You seem kind of... down. You haven’t been eating either.”

Minho’s words are enough to send your mind spiraling. Putting your chopsticks down, you shake your head, a trembling hand moving to grasp your phone from your pocket. You unlock with a simple finger swipe, which opens to the last page you’d unfortunately visited. Passing it off, you cannot even bring yourself to make eye contact with any of the members.

Immediately, Felix is up and gone in an instant, storming off to somewhere.

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until Hyunjin is crouched down next to you, tissues in one hand, and the other on placed on your back. “I’m sorry,” you croak, “I’m sorry but I can’t help it. I feel like I don’t belong here, with you guys. Your idols and I’m a nobody.”

“No no no, don’t you ever feel like that. You deserve to be here as much as we all do.” Hyunjin’s words are sincere, but they don’t immediately resonate in your heart. You shake your head, allowing a second member to help you up and lead you into another room.

“Here, sit.” You recognize the room as Jisung, Chan and Seungmin’s shared room, it being the largest of the few rooms.

Looking up, you can see that Hyunjin, Minho, and Jisung sit with you, worried expressions causing your anxiety to rise.

“I’m sorry,” you cry. “I’m sorry for ruining everything. We should be celebrating.”

Minho shakes his head, taking a seat next to you on the bed.

“Family comes before any awards Y/N.”

His statement makes you cry even more, Hyunjin rushing forwards to press tissues into your hand.

“You're too nice.” You sniff. “All of you. You treat me like family.” “That’s because you are. Yes your Felix’s girlfriend, but we knew you way before then. You were there at our debut. You supported us unconditionally.” Hyunjin tells you, coming to kneel in front of you.

“There is no Stray Kids without you.”

“So whatever you're feeling insecure about, please bother us. Whether it’s the way you look, and may I just say, I have no idea what those comments are getting at, your beautiful,”

You can only smile at Jisung’s words.

“You have us, your family to fall back into. You're never alone in any of this. You're also not any lesser to us just because your not an idol. You're doing your own thing, and we do and will continue to support you on that album your working on.”

Looking up, you can only smile at each of the members. “You really think I’m pretty?”

They all stifle a laugh at your question.

“Yes you dork,” Minho laughs, “But you should ask Felix that question. He’ll probably say something cheesy to answer you.” As if on cue, Changbin enters, a worried look on his face.

“Felix has gone for a walk with Chan. He’s a little upset.”

The words send your stomach turning into knots, your anxiety re expanding in your chest. “Is he okay?” You ask, voice a little hoarse from crying.

“Yeah, he’s okay Y/N.” His voice is soft. “I think he’s pieced it all together with what’s been going on. Other things he’s noticed and all of that.”

You simply nod, pushing yourself up from the bed. “I’m going after him.”

“Your sure you can? You don’t have to if you're not up too it. You haven’t slept and you're pretty pale.” A concerned Hyunjin is right at your shoulder.

But you simply nod, trudging through to the front door.

“Any idea where he is?” You ask Jeongin, who’s standing by the door worried. He simply shakes his head, a sympathetic smile on his features. “No, but he’s with Chan, so he should be okay.”

Immediately your out the door, rushing towards the elevator and pressing the button that would lead you to the top floor. Anxiously, you fiddle with the rings you’d forgotten to take off last night. You just want to see him, explain everything that you’d been feeling.

Bing! You’re out the instance the doors open, rushing to the staircase that leads to the small garden in the roof. But he’s not there.

With no sign of him nor Chan, you're quick to rush back to the elevator, clicking the button for the 2nd-floor but accidentally pressing the 3rd-floor button.

You groan out in frustration, the button still alight no matter how many times you press it. And so the doors open on the 3rd floor, you staying firmly in your place as you rapidly press the 2nd-floor button. The doors seem to close in slow motion, a simple “Felix, it’s okay.” reaching your ears just before the doors close.

Cursing, you try to reprogram the stupid elevator as it goes down to the 2nd floor, rapidly pressing the 3rd-floor button the instance the doors open.

Bing! And you're out again, navigating your way through the JYP cafeteria to get to Felix. But he’s nowhere to be seen once you're in the cafeteria. You breathing has become labored as you rapidly look around, eyes scanning every place.

Sighing in defeat, you turn to make your way back to the elevator, when you spot sight of Chan, whose walking, tissues in hand.

“Chan!” You yell, sprinting towards the boy who now seems very confused at name being called.

“Y/N?”

You reach him, puffing slightly. “Where’s Felix?” Your question comes out breathy as you try to catch it.

“I just took him up to the roof. I came back for tissues. Is everything okay with you? Are you feeling a little better?”

You can only nod at his question, taking off the instance he says ‘roof’.

“I’m fine!” You yell back to him. “But I need Felix!”

The instant your out of the elevator, you're sprinting up the stairs, pushing on the door to the roof.

“Felix!”

He sits cross legged on the patch of grass, his fingers intertwined with the green blades. Upon hearing your voice, he looks up, worry crossing his features.

“I’m sorry!” You cry, tackling him in a hug as you reach him, knocking him into the grass. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”

He holds you tight in his arms, face buried in your neck despite the uncomfortable position you two are in.

“Don’t apologize.” His voice is soft, roughened by crying.

Holding each other, you both take a minute, finding comfort as you hold each other tightly.

“I’m sorry I was angry. But I was just upset that you’ve been dealing with all this stuff on your own. I don’t like seeing you suffer.” His sincere words find their way into your heart.

Pulling back, he can only look at you through red-rimmed eyes. “Please promise me you won’t deal with this alone again. Not something like this Y/N. Not something that is affecting your health and you as a person. It hurts me too.”

You can only nod, tears spilling from your own eyes as you pull him into another hug.

By the time you both enter the dorm, your unsure of how long has passed. But when 8 boys tackle you into a huge group hug, only one thought can be fathomed from you, words repeating in your mind as you close your eyes and smile gently.

“You are family. There is no Stray Kids without you.”

328 notes · View notes

miss-musings · 6 years

Text

My List of Top 10 Blacklisters

Let me say right off the bat that it was really difficult to compile this list. Because while I feel a lot of one-off Blacklisters are pretty much throwaways, especially all the different cults and kooky people that the show likes to keep introducing, many of the better ones (IMO) were bad guys who had been around for multiple episodes, maybe even entire arcs or seasons.

So, picking out my Top 10 -- based on how unique they were, how memorable they were, how intimidating, how threatening they were to the main cast, etc. -- was relatively easy, but ranking them was difficult. Because, again, a lot of them get way more screentime than others.

So, I'll try to rank them based on a combination of how much I personally liked them, how much of an overall impact to the story/characters the Blacklister had relative to their screentime and build-up, how well the actor did with the role, how unique and memorable they were, etc.

You'll notice that people like Laurel Hitchen, who was an antagonist but not technically a Blacklister, isn't on the list; and you'll notice that "good guys" like Dembe or Marvin Gerard who were technically Blacklisters, but weren't antagonists for Red or the Task Force aren't on here either. Tom, who flip-flopped between good guy and bad guy as the show progressed, isn't on here either; but that's because there's so much material to judge from as he was a main cast member for at least three seasons, which is unfair.

Anyway, without further ado: my list. Again, feel free to disagree and make your own lists if you like.

(EDIT: I’ve done a follow-up list of ‘Top 10 Best One-Off Blacklisters’, because so many of the below entries had multiple episodes in which to be menacing.)

Note for future reference: this list only includes Blacklisters up through the end of S5.

###

HONORABLE MENTION: MR. KAPLAN

I really wanted to put Mr. Kaplan on this list, and I had at one point, but then I realized I forgot one of the more imposing Blacklisters and had to slide him into the spot where I had Mr. Kaplan. The only reason I took her off completely rather knocking every lower-numbered entry down a spot, was because while I really liked Mr. Kaplan up until S3c, I hated how the showrunners forced the storyline where she had once been Liz's nanny and hated Red for doing her and the Keen family wrong. I love Susan Bloomaert and think she's a very talented actress who's incredibly underrated; but I loved her character more when she was on Red's team -- his cleaner, his friend, his confidant. Granted, there were some really good episodes with her as an antagonist, but I hated the way she died -- throwing herself off a bridge.

Anyway, again, I want to emphasize that this list is purely subjective. So, if you think I've done Mr. Kaplan a disservice, feel free to make your own list to give her to honor you believe she deserves. As I said: I loved Mr. Kaplan, but I felt the whole S4b storyline completely assassinated her character as we knew it up to that point.

P.S. I also feel like GREGORY DEVRY should get a shout-out, but I’ll probably include him in my list of Best One-Off Blacklisters.

10. LEONARD CAUL

This is one of those entries where I guess I kind of cheated. Caul didn’t really end up being an antagonist for Red, Liz or the Task Force. But he was introduced to us a little ambiguously with him developing photos of Liz and Red, listening to the police scanner -- and then holding Liz at gunpoint (briefly) in Red's Bethesda apartment... I really liked all of that and how it was kind of vague from the beginning whether he was on their side or not. Granted, he doesn't get much screentime even in his own episode, and honestly, after S2, I'm not really sure what happened to him. I know he was hanging around with Red up until the S2 finale or thereabouts, but yeah, whatever happened to that guy?

Anyway, it was a really tense episode, and I felt like Caul brought a level of adrenaline and urgency to the situation with Red and the Cabal, as well as the show in general.

9. IAN GARVEY

You'd think Garvey would be higher on this list, but I was never really a big fan of him. Granted, he did pose a pretty serious threat for our main crew, after he stole the Real Reddington’s bones, killed Tom and his goons knocked Liz into a coma. And the actor did a fine job. But, I just felt that -- up until his connection to the Reddington family was revealed -- he was just kind of cartoonish. A dirty cop who runs a drug cartel? Yeah, I don't care.

But, again, while I don't really like Garvey, I felt like he had such an impact on the show and the characters that he deserved a spot -- even if it was a low one.

8. MADELINE PRATT

The only female Blacklister to formally make it onto the list. (Sorry, Mr. Kaplan.) I thought her character and this episode was incredibly well-done. It was a little bit of a heist storyline, and Pratt was a good foil for Liz and Red, forcing both of them to open up in ways we hadn't seen before (up to that point). Liz became more comfortable doing criminal-type things, using her slight-of-hand, infiltrating locations and lying/manipulating people; while Red, conversely, became more human and opened up about why he has been so distant with people and the hurt he has experienced in the past.

Also, Madeline is one of the few past/current love interests of Red that we see on the show, and I really like Jennifer Ehle (mostly because of the 1995 version of Pride & Prejudice). I felt like she matched well with Spader and wasn't overpowered by his always-charismatic performance. And, while we only ever saw her in this episode and briefly in 2x14, I felt like she deserved a spot because she was such a unique character and that episode introduced a lot of character details and traits that became important later.

7. THE STEWMAKER

I really, really liked the Stewmaker -- both the bad guy and the episode. The only reason I didn't put him higher on this list is because I feel everyone else is too good (or bad, depending on how you want to look at it) to be displaced.

So, I remember reading on one of those TV-watching websites that if you weren't entirely sure about a show but you wanted to give it a chance, you should watch at least four episodes to see whether it was any good. By the fourth episode, the show should have established its characters, its dynamic, its continuing plot points, its feel, etc. Pilots, of course, always feel a little different than the shows themselves because they're filmed months before any other episode; so you have to give shows a chance to establish themselves and walk on their own two feet.

So... when THIS was the show's fourth episode... oh, buddy.

The Stewmaker posed a serious threat as he was the first person to ever hold Liz captive and feel the wrath of Red for such an offense. The episode gave us the infamous Parable of the Farmer; and continued the then-mystery of Liz finding out about Tom's shady past.

But, as for the character himself, he was just really weird. Walking around naked while he was working, but having that mask on; disintegrating bodies; having his dog with him; actually being a family man but having this criminal work on the side. And, also, we had a little bit of interaction where Liz was actually trying to do her job (for once) and profile him and use that info to her advantage.

He was a character that I feel the show has tried to redo several times -- the kooky weirdo who's very calm, apologetic and doesn't like violence but who is also fascinated by death, bodies, etc. But, of course, this was the FIRST time the show had used such a character, so it was much more memorable then and not so watered-down.

In any case, I really liked the Stewmaker and thought he was a fantastic Blacklister for the show to have in its fourth episode of the entire series.

6. MATIAS SOLOMON

So, this is actually the spot where I had Mr. Kaplan. But, while I was doing some background research on my #1 choice, I ran across Edi Gathegi's name and remembered that I left Solomon completely off the list. He had been an antagonist throughout the whole of S3a and then came back for his namesake episodes where he and his crew attack Liz and Tom's wedding, Liz gives birth to Agnes, and later she "dies" with Red by her side.

Solomon is either directly or indirectly responsible for a lot of major shit that happened on this show -- hell, just in those two episodes. And, I really like Gathegi's performance, especially considering how Solomon was a little Extra™. So he had to play him as dramatic with a penchant for flair and style ... but without him becoming cartoonish. He was just a little bit eccentric but could still hold himself and lead a team of goons in shooting up a church.

Again, I hated to leave Mr. Kaplan off the list but I felt it was a greater disservice to not put Solomon on it, considering how much of a threat he posed to our main cast throughout various points of S3.

5. THE DECEMBRIST (A.K.A. ALAN FITCH)

This is basically just an outlet for me to talk about how amazing Alan Alda is and how much I love him and wish the show hadn't killed his character off. Seriously, he's just so adorable, and it was hilarious to see him partly playing against type here. Fitch was intimidating, but I also kept wanting to give him a hug.

And, I felt like that was how Red felt toward him. He hated Fitch for the whole bullshit in that raid on the Post Office, but yet, he also respected him. That look on his face when he's having that last conversation before the bomb on Fitch's neck goes off... just heartbreaking.

And while so many actors seem to bow under the weight of Spader's performances, Alda is also one of the few actors who I felt like was on-par with him in terms of charisma and acting chops. It seems he just strolls onto the set and does whatever is required of him without a care in the world. "Need me to be gruff and menacing? I can do that. Need me to be sad and fearful? I can do that. Need me to look bored and indifferent? I can do that." God, I just love Alan Alda, and I want to give him a hug.

But, seriously, Fitch was a Blacklister who's impact on the story goes all the way back to setting Berlin on Red decades before S2 takes place, and he was one of the few people (at that time) who seemed to know Reddington from the pre-Night of the Fire era. (It's unclear now whether that was actually true; he probably knew the REAL Reddington, but never knew our guy was an imposter.)

Anyway, Fitch had a major impact on the story because he was the one person/thing who had a connection to the raid on the Post Office, the Cabal and Berlin. So, he definitely deserves a spot on this list. And also, ALAN ALDA!

4. BERLIN

This is a weird entry, because Berlin is hardly in either of his two namesake episodes; and even when he is, his identity is obscured until the very end of "Berlin: Conclusion."

Berlin had been built up for a long time, and while I still am so frustrated that it was never addressed how he organized a giant criminal syndicate from inside a Russian prison. Honestly, for as much as for as long as he was built up, I feel like the pay-off was a little bit disappointing. Which is why he’s at number four for me.

Still, when he came back in the first half of S2, he was such a good baddie. I absolutely love when he and Red meet on Coney Island, and that weird, dynamic and layered conversation that they have. And overall, Peter Stormare's performance is fantastic. He's mustache-twirling, sure, but he was so intimidating at the same time... threatening Liz, capturing Naomi, being responsible for the attacks on Cooper and Meera, etc.

He had a tremendous impact on both S1 and S2a, so he definitely has to have a spot.

3. ALEXANDER KIRK (A.K.A. CONSTANTIN ROSTOV)

Like Berlin, Kirk is hardly in either of his namesake episodes, but we get to see him more fleshed out as a character/villain in S4a.

Unlike most villains, we actually got to see quiet moments of Kirk, where he was caring, respectful, loving and just ... generally not villainous. Most of these other Blacklisters never got those opportunities, and Kirk -- in hindsight -- was built up as a kind of hero out of a Greek tragedy. Odette tells Liz that he was a kind, caring and gentle man up until he found out about Liz’s identity as Masha and her connection to Red. Then, he flipped his shit and did whatever it took to get his (step)daughter away from him. And, honestly, I really liked his little farewell speech to Liz about how she would only ever remember him as a villain who kidnapped and threatened her and her child; and she would never remember him as the young, happy father who held her in her arms, excited at what the future would hold for their family.

God, just thinking back to that speech makes me feel such sympathy for the man... not the one he became but the one he used to be. Kirk was hurt and betrayed multiple times by Katarina, the Real Reddington, the Fake Reddington, and all these other people who played him like a puppet for their own ends. Really thinking back on it, it’s no wonder he became the broken man he is, so desperately trying to cling to this frayed prospect of happiness with the family he once had. Yes, he was hoping that Liz or Agnes would help cure him of his disease, but I truly believe that was only a bonus in his mind and he was really hoping to piece his family back together -- to have a second chance in his (step)daughter’s life and help her with her newborn.

He’s also one of the few villains with his own arc who WASN’T killed off at the end of said arc, so I REALLY hope he comes back. I doubt it, but I would really like to see it. Maybe he could help Liz understand what all happened with Katarina, Real Reddington, Fake Reddington, and everything on the Night of the Fire.

And, again, like with Fitch, he was a really important Blacklister as he was connected to both Red’s past and Liz’s. And, that scene where he’s about to kill Red, and the two stop to reminisce about Katarina, who she was, and how important she was to them ... that’s the kind of depth we don’t get out of most Blacklisters.

Honestly, even though his introduction to the audience was a little too Darth Vader/Alias-esque, I still really enjoyed the range of emotions Ulrich Thomsen got to run through in his portrayal, especially in that final episode. And while he doesn’t really have a lasting effect on the story once his arc is resolved, he was a major threat to everyone, including Liz, and the main characters to make major decisions in the latter half of S3 and the first part of S4 that showed us who they really are.

So, yeah. IMO, he deserves to be this high on the list.

2. ANSLO GARRICK

It might seem a little weird to have a one-off villain this high on the list, but Anslo Garrick -- both the character and his namesake episodes -- was an actual game-changer. Here we were, skipping along through S1, pretty complacent and chill. And then all of a sudden, Anslo Garrick shows up and turns everything on its head. The Post Office is under attack; Ressler gets seriously injured and he and Red have to make due hanging out together inside the box; Cooper et al is captured; Liz and Aram, who have little field experience between them, have to team up to try to get to safety. Luli is killed; Dembe is almost killed; Liz is threatened; Red is captured and later escapes.

God, so much happened in those episodes, and I still think “Anslo Garrick: Part One” might be the best episode of the show to date. Seriously. Even though Red and Liz have zero screentime together, that episode is just SO GOOD. Intense, dark, with high-stakes and important character moments -- and there have been very few episodes like it since.

But, anyway, as for Anslo Garrick himself... he isn’t really all that much. He was a rabid dog sent by Fitch to bring Red in. He was intimidating, coarse, violent and gave zero shits about his actions.

This entry doesn’t really celebrate who the character of Anslo Garrick was, but more of what he represented and the major impact he had on the show at that point in time. He introduced us to Fitch, who first brought up the whole “Cabal” storyline, which was responsible for a lot of shit in S2 and S3a.

Again, Garrick woke us viewers out of our little complacency that Red & co. were just going to glide through their Blacklisters with only a few cuts and bruises and no real stakes (outside of the Tom/mystery storyline that was going on at the time). This was a good kick in the pants to make us realize that we were wrong.

So, yeah. I feel like he deserves to be Number 2.

1. THE DIRECTOR

So, you’re sitting there, wondering who the hell could be sitting at Number 1... above Garvey, above Kirk and Garrick and Fitch and everyone else?

It’s the man who if I could push a button and bring any of the show’s dead character back to life, he would be the one I’d pick:

Peter Kotsiopulos, The Director ... played by the amazing David Strathairn.

Even though he appeared in 12 episodes over what amounted to an entire season of the show (from 2x09 to 3x10), I really wish The Director hadn’t been killed off. Seriously, I have no idea how much money TPTB had to throw at Strathairn to get him to appear for as long and as many times as he did, but it wasn’t enough. I've always said that this show deserves a Big Bad (assuming that Red isn’t it), and he would’ve been great as the Big Bad for The Blacklist.

While Strathairn's basically just reprising his role as "Unethical and Shady AF Government Official and Resident Mustache-Twirler" from The Bourne Series, it's a role he's REALLY good at. And even though he didn’t get a lot of quiet moments to be humanized or come across as sympathetic, like Kirk did, I still feel like it was such a bitch move for Red and his crew to play on The Director’s feelings for/obligation to his wife as their opportunity to abduct him. I know that Liz was facing trial for murder and desperate times called for desperate measures, but I can just imagine that poor lady sitting in her therapist’s office, wondering where her husband was only to find out that he was a villain who had ditched her and fled the country, when that wasn’t the case AT ALL.

Yeah, I know The Director’s an absolute piece of shit who’s responsible for threatening the entire Task Force, publicly demonizing Liz and almost killing Red... but he was so good at being bad that I wanted him to stick around long-term. I wanted to see him and Liz have more interactions; and again, Stathairn was one of the few actors who held his own in scenes with Spader without any effort.

He was also the first one, as I recall, to set Liz on this path toward Katarina Rostova’s backstory and finding out how alike the two of them were. Remember in 2x19, he remarks how much Liz looks like her mom, and I feel like that sends Liz down a road to get answers from Red about who she was and what his connection was to her mom and her family.

But, anyway, yeah. I just love David Strathairn; I loved him in this role, on this show; and I loved how diabolical, manipulative, and just conniving his character was. I also just absolutely love the look on his face in 3x10 when he and Red are watching Laurel Hitchen on the TV and Hitchen just outs The Director as a member of the Cabal. He just goes from angry and staring daggers at Red to flustered and “oh shit” in an instant.

So, just like my Fitch entry was my opportunity to celebrate how amazing Alan Alda was, this is my chance to celebrate how underrated David Strathairn is as an actor and how much I wish he was still on the show.

But, putting all of that aside, why should The Director as a character be ranked above all those other people as a better Blacklister?

Because, The Director represented the Cabal, which was an entity that had been built up from 1x09 as a major force that had power to easily destroy everything Red, Liz and their crew was trying to work toward. They sent Braxton after info about the Fulcrum, they sent Karakurt to frame Liz, they sent that team of commandos to attack Red. They were a force that seemingly could not be stopped, and the Director was at the head of it all.

And, while I can’t find it anywhere (so help me out if you know what I’m talking about), I know there’s a saying about how the worst man is the one who does evil in the name of good. And that’s The Director. He is the embodiment of all the worst parts of The Blacklist’s villains, actual real life government officials and humanity at large. He has dozens of people killed without batting an eye because it’s all in the interest of “national security.” Or so he tells others. But, deep down, we all know that he’s only really concerned about his own self-interest.

Now that the show has killed him off, obviously, there’s no way for Strathairn to return as The Director; but perhaps, if/once the show delves more into Katarina and Red’s backstory, maybe we will see a Young Director in a flashback so that we can see exactly how he was connected to Katarina, the Cabal, and that whole mess with the Fulcrum.

Plus, I can’t get over how awesome his interactions with Liz were, and Strathairn’s delivery of the now infamous line, “I know who you really are, Raymond -- who you are TO HER.”

###

Again, if you disagree, feel free to reblog with your comments or your own list. This is all purely subjective, but -- because we’re on this crazy-long hiatus until January -- I felt like it was good to fill the time with SOMETHING. My goal with this isn’t to give a definitive list and that’s it; but rather, to prompt discussion about the topic.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end and cheers! ~mm

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Just The Game We're In- Chapter 4- Ortega

A/N: a fun fact, I almost burst into fucking TEARS when I finally finished this chapter. I am SO SORRY for the wait of approximately 213 days (seriously folks…if your fav fic doesn’t get updated after like…2 weeks…just think…you could be reading this piece of shit) but HERE IT IS GUYS, chapter 4 of every mobile user’s waking fucking nightmare, Just The Game We’re In!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In case any new readers need a rundown, this fic is inspired by the best TV show on god’s green earth, The Thick Of It. This one goes out to every single one of you that has waited so so patiently for this update, I love the actual heart and souls of you. Also to the gals at AQ Brits who have kept me (in)sane writing this monster. This chapter holds two of the most favourite scenes I’ve ever written and is generally a bit of a wild ride, so I hope you all enjoy!!

Plot Summary: Willam is a senior political advisor to the government’s minister for social affairs and citizenship, Sharon Needles. Throw in a crush on co-worker Courtney, Sharon acting weird around Willam’s colleague Alaska, an incompetent press department headed by Actual Living Zombie Jinkx Monsoon, and Willam’s job couldn’t get much more stressful. No wonder spin doctor Bianca Del Rio is permanently at the end of her tether…

There was definitely something fishy going on in the department, and it wasn’t Jinkx’s disgusting home-made tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches.

Willam hadn’t really noticed it at first. She’d been too busy with her work if she was honest- December was looming ever-closer and the hurry to compile the existing crime stats in time for New Year was a busy race. But she’d first spotted it on Monday, when Alaska had been twenty minutes late for work and arrived at exactly the same time as Sharon, her face grubby with what was presumably makeup from the day before.

“Christ girl, did you get out the wrong side of bed this morning?” Willam had pressed her, yelling across the office as Alaska had sunk sheepishly into her chair. “And then hit a wall and dragged yourself through a river of pig shit and gorse bushes?”

Alaska had simply rolled her eyes, scrunching the bird’s nest of hair on her head a little self-consciously. “I don’t look that bad, drama queen. Just overslept, that’s all. Now can we all just get on with our damn work before we accidentally let in a million illegal immigrants or something?”

That had been that, and Willam hadn’t really thought any more about it. That was until the next evening, when Alaska seemed to leave work but reappeared again beside the lifts, dressed immaculately in a fancy red shift dress and gold heels with makeup to match. She’d quietly slipped away before Willam could even interrogate her.

The weirdest by far had been the morning after, when Alaska arrived at work in a dress that was almost identical, in fact completely identical, to one Sharon already owned.

“What, do we get to share Sharon’s clothes now? Is that our festive bonus this year?” Willam had laughed incredulously, narrowing her eyes at Alaska in confusion.

“What? It was a nice dress, I went and got the same one. It’s only from H&M, for crying out loud. Half the girls you see in any clapped-out Camden bar are probably going to be wearing it,” Alaska had snorted in response.

It was all just odd. There was also the fact that Alaska was barely out of Sharon’s office prepping for the New Year’s trip to Brussels, where the minister, one of her advisors and one member of the comms team went over for an international summit on European social affairs. It was almost as if Willam barely knew what was going on with her friend anymore.

Courtney was being weird with her as well. She’d turned colder, almost like some weird professional ghost of her former self. She barely even smiled when Willam tried to joke with her, was strangely quiet, and never really ate lunch with her anymore. Willam wished she knew what was happening with her. It wasn’t as if her crush on Courtney had died down- in fact, being borderline ignored by her only made her heart hurt more, made her wonder if she’d done something horrendously wrong or offensive. Even as a friend it worried her, and she wished Courtney would open up to her as she had done all those weeks ago.

The combination of what was essentially her two best friends completely ditching her made Willam feel a little lonelier than normal, and so she’d begun spending her lunch breaks with the comms team. Katya was always happy to see her (even if she did tease Willam about Courtney mercilessly when nobody was listening), Trixie would often share her snacks with her, and Willam had found herself warming to Violet who was actually very sharp and witty, though she concealed it well under her stony, statuesque resting bitch face. Although she liked spending time with the civil servants, Willam couldn’t help but wish her friends would be back to normal again.

It had started out as an ordinary Friday morning, if a little more boring now that Willam no longer had Alaska to bitch to or Courtney to flirt with, even if said flirting was under the guise of being platonic. In fact, the morning almost had an atmosphere of calm; that was until Jinkx answered the phone and proceeded to squawk the department down.

“What?! The seven o’clock?! Absolutely not. There’s no way! It’s not possible to collate that amount of data in time, let alone brief her on everything necessary.”

At this point everyone had stopped working entirely, all eyes fixed on Jinkx who was biting her lip impatiently and staring at Sharon’s door with uncertainty. “I’d need to discuss it with her. Can I get you to call me back? Right. Thank you.”

“Whose cat’s being strangled?” came a voice from the other end of the office. As if on cue, Sharon had appeared from her room. She seemed a little more tired today, and was clutching a Red Bull for dear life in her red-taloned hand.

Casting her eyes back down the office, Willam also noticed an identical Red Bull sitting on Alaska’s desk just beside her computer monitor.

Ignoring Sharon’s sarcasm, Jinkx gestured to the phone in irritation. “I have just come off the phone with Dan Donigan over at radio Five Live.”

“What, Milk?” Willam piped up, curiosity piqued. Milk, to give him his DJ name, was an interesting host. He was a lovely guy, chilled and easy-going, and on the surface seemed like a good interview. However one slip up and he would go in, firing off questions like one of those machines that shot out tennis balls one after the other, whacking you with them until you were a crumpled heap on the floor.

Barely acknowledging Willam’s interjection, Jinkx continued. “And he had the utter nerve to ask for an interview with you at seven o’clock this evening, a ‘showdown’ between you and the shadow minister covering the refugee crisis.”

“Wait, he wants me and Phi Phi?” Sharon asked, narrowing her eyes a little and suddenly more alert than she had been 60 seconds previously. Jinkx nodded in reply.

“I told him I’d have to ask you but if you want my opinion, there’s absolutely no way you should do it, Sharon. We have approximately-” she craned her neck to look at the clock. “- nine hours to prep you, which is not nearly enough time for you to collate all the facts and figures you’d need for a debate like that!”

“We had three hours to prepare for a Michaels interview and still pulled it off,” Alaska interjected, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Yes, Alaska, but this is different. Chad Michaels knew Sharon was in the right and simply wanted her as an illustration of tabloid sexism. This is Dan Donigan. And from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty buddy with Phi Phi.”

“Look, the refugee crisis is something I care a lot about and know a lot about. I have a lot of the facts already, it wouldn’t take me long to brush up on them and potentially even learn a couple more of the intricacies. It would take- what, a couple of hours to fully brief me about Five Live? I see no reason why I can’t do this, Jinkx,” Sharon said, her eyes more determined than ever.

Jinkx looked like a wearied mother whose child had just asked if they could have their entire class round for a sleepover the next day.

“What’s Bianca’s opinion?” Willam asked, leaning forward on her desk with her elbows. It made sense to her that they would ask Bianca, and if anyone was going to know if it was a good or bad idea it would be her.

“No idea. Call her and ask,” Jinkx shrugged, clearly happy to be palming off some extra work.

Despairing of Jinkx’s laziness for what must have been the thousandth time that year, Willam took out her work phone and dialled Bianca.

“Willam Belli. Good morning,” Bianca chirped down the phone jovially. She seemed to be in a good mood, a really good mood, which was fucking weird.

“Bianca, hi. Listen, we’ve had Milk on the phone, he wants Sharon and Phi Phi for a debate about the refugee crisis at 7pm. What do you think?”

“I say carpe that fucking diem. Get her on.”

Surprised, Willam gave her phone a double-take, as if she hadn’t heard correctly. “Sorry, this is for 7pm tonight, not tomorrow.”

“I know how the fuck time works! Get her on the damn show.”

Willam was nothing short of amazed. “Bianca, are you su- I mean, this is definitely a good idea then?”

“Listen. Sharon is a walking, talking database. She retains facts and figures like some horrifying human sponge. She’s a confident girl, Dan will love her. Just get her on and get her to make Phi Phi look like she’s drowned hundreds of refugee orphans personally with her own two hands.”

Rolling her eyes a little at Bianca’s harsh turn of phrase, Willam had heard all she needed. “Okay, well, thanks for your input.”

She hit ‘end call’ before Bianca had a chance to say any more, turning to face Sharon, Jinkx and Alaska who were all craning their necks, waiting to hear what the verdict was.

“Hell has frozen over and Bianca has actually approved something,” Willam shrugged, and was met with an excited beam from Sharon and a disgruntled sigh from Jinkx. “It’s going ahead. Jinkx, phone Milk back.”

Muttering in exasperation under her breath, Jinkx simply turned around in her swivel chair and dutifully began hitting a number of buttons on her phone. Waiting for some form of instruction from Sharon, Willam was surprised with she instead turned to Alaska, chattering happily but not quite audibly. At one point, Sharon seemed to excitedly grab one of Alaska’s hands, squeezing it once, twice and then letting go. Alaska didn’t appear the least bit fazed, as if this was almost a regular occurrence between them. In any event, if Sharon tried to involuntarily grab Willam’s hands mid-conversation, she was getting a slap.

With nobody left to talk to, Willam turned to Courtney’s desk to find her deep in concentration, her brow furrowed like a tiny ploughed field.

She’d been so deep in her work that she’d missed the entire exchange.

***

It was another lonely lunchtime for Willam. Well, she supposed she was being melodramatic. It was just that Alaska had been called into the office yet again about the trip to Brussels, and Courtney was sitting eating her lunch at her desk in front of her work. Willam had asked if she wanted to join her but all she’d received in reply was a shake of Courtney’s head and a small smile tinted a little with sadness. Willam could’ve asked her about it, finally confronted her about whatever was going on with her, but she’d never heard of a successful heart-to-heart that had taken place over crime stats so she’d just joined the comms team for lunch instead.

“Bow down, ladies! The minister’s political advisor has once again deigned us lowly civil servants worthy enough to be graced with her presence,” Katya announced dramatically as Willam took the chair next to her, earning her a barely-stifled laugh and an unimpressed roll of Willam’s eyes. The table shoved into one of the corners of the office was small but they’d managed to fit Violet, Trixie and Katya round it already, who were all currently munching their way through their lunch.

“Hey, just let me eat my disappointing Costa sandwich in peace, okay?”

“No, sorry. There’s nothing more disappointing than this,” Trixie interjected, giving Katya a death stare as she held up a sad-looking hot dog in a bun. “Who the fuck gives this to their girlfriend for their lunch? I swear this is a form of domestic abuse in some countries.”

“I’m sure there’s a child bride in the third world that’s weeping for you, Trixie,” Violet deadpanned, smirking a little at Katya’s hysterical laughter.

“All I’m saying is, why the fuck would the woman that supposedly loves me more than anything in the world give me this abomination in a ziplock bag?!”

“Because when you eat it, it makes me think of you sucking dick and it turns me on,” Katya batted her eyelashes, opening her legs to inhuman proportions under the table. As Trixie reached across the table to shove her, Violet flared her nostrils.

“That is gross, Katya.”

“You’re saying the undying love I have for my girlfriend and our obscure sexual practices is gross?! You are a homophobe, Violet Chachki.”

“Hey, I can’t be homophobic towards you if neither you nor I know what kind of sexuality you even are!” Violet laughed, her usually marble face breaking into the sunniest of smiles. Katya tilted her head to one side, suddenly deep in thought. She’d made it quite clear and had been quite open about the fact that she didn’t really believe in labelling herself, insisting in her own words that people were people, and if we were meant to have labels we’d be tins or jars.

“I think I’m that one that doesn’t give a fuck whether it’s a peen or vagine or whoever that peen or vagine belongs to, as long as they’re hot and can make me laugh.”

Trixie seemed to momentarily turn a little green. “If you ever refer to genitalia using those terms again, I’m breaking up with you.”

“What’s it called? Potsexual?”

Everyone at the table burst out into raucous laughter at Katya’s expense.

“Pansexual, you silly bitch!” Willam howled, clutching at her stomach which was now doubled up with laughter. Composing herself slightly and wiping the tears of laughter away from her eyes, she shook her head. “Y’all are fucking batshit crazy, no wonder I never eat lunch with you.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault I’m not down with the tumblr lingo of the cool kids of today,” Katya shrugged, taking a bite of her own plain, dry hot dog. At that moment Adore appeared at the table, almost melting into the hard plastic chair.

“Christ, you look hellish. Did Laila have you up all night?” Trixie greeted her as Adore rubbed her eyes, clearly sleep deprived.

“Very funny, bitch,” she bit back, opening her pasta salad. “Sadly it wasn’t even fucking. Her neighbours have just had a new baby and the walls are paper thin so we got treated to Beethoven’s ninth symphony in Constant Screeching until, like, 5am.”

“To be fair, you’ve probably given them Mozart’s nocturne in Loud Moaning quite a few times,” Violet joked, earning her a kick under the table from Adore.

Willam looked at Adore curiously. She had no idea that her and Laila were still a thing, least of all that Adore was at the stage where she was staying over. Well, she concluded, it did the party no harm to have a journalist on their side and it was certainly more fruitful an endeavour than chasing a co-worker around for weeks on end whilst being ignored.

“Anyway, why’s this bitch eating with us again?” Adore changed the subject, looking at Willam with a slightly confused air. “Where’s the two other blonde dye jobs?”

Willam glared at her a little, mildly offended. “Well Courtney’s still working on those bastarding crime stats and Alaska’s got yet another meeting with Sharon about Brussels.”

“Wait,” Violet scrunched up her face, the picture of confusion. “That’s not right. We’re not scheduled for meetings about Brussels until December, Sharon emailed me and Alaska last week.”

“She’s taking you to Brussels and not us?! How dare she! We’re the most professional and competent fuckers in this department,” Katya cried, appealing to her girlfriend for backup. Trixie simply smirked at her.

“Katya you literally spilt your entire cappuccino over your keyboard yesterday. The whole thing.”

“I did n-”

“The whole. Thing,” Trixie repeated, chucking a piece of bread at Katya from across the table.

“Can we just get back to this situation?” Willam cut in quietly, looking Violet directly in the eye. “So there’s no meetings about Brussels until next week?”

Violet shook her head, still as confused as before. Willam didn’t blame her- Alaska and Sharon had been meeting for the past two weeks about Brussels, or at least that was what Willam had been told. But now she didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what they’d been talking about or planning. She hadn’t been told anything, neither had Courtney, and that made her blood boil.

Setting her lunch down on the table, Willam marched towards Sharon’s office, the combination of determination and annoyance almost clouding her vision. If she was being cut out of the loop, it would be the last, mouldy cherry on top of this shitstorm of this week’s cake. What did she care that Sharon was in charge? She had no right to exclude her and no right to exclude Courtney either, Willam’s heart swelling at the thought of her crush. No wonder she’d been so distant all week. If Sharon was planning something with only one advisor, then Willam had half a mind to tell her where she could stick her job.

That was until she burst open the door and saw Sharon sat behind her desk, her head tipped back and her eyes half-lidded, the smallest moan escaping her lips. Looking at the foot of the desk, Willam suddenly understood why- the red bottoms of Alaska’s Louboutins poked out from the strip of the desk just above the floor, almost concealing her from view, but not quite.

She put two and two together and got one million.

Aware that she’d slightly flung the door open, and still half in shock, Willam began to back out.

“I’ll, um. Okay. I’m…yeah,” she babbled quietly, the sudden noise in the room causing Sharon’s eyes to fly open and her hands to shoot immediately up from her lap as if Willam had her at gunpoint. Ignoring her protestations, Willam made her way briskly down the corridor and into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

She badly needed to clear her head. It made sense, of course it made sense. It explained away so much of what had been going on in Dosac in the past fortnight. She just couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been not to notice it. Courtney had been right all along, and Willam could’ve kicked herself for not listening to her. Furthermore, she could’ve kicked Alaska for her stupidity in the matter as well. What the fuck was she thinking about, getting into a relationship or casual fucking or whatever the hell this whole mess was with Sharon? With her boss?! How was she now meant to give impartial advice about serious departmental- scratch that, governmental matters?

Making to splash some cold water on her face, Willam stopped when the bathroom door burst open to reveal Alaska.

“Willam,” she began, seemingly not knowing how she would follow it up. Her face was flushed, a scarlet blush striking her cheeks as if she’d been slapped.

“I, um. I don’t really know what to think,” Willam shrugged, looking her friend in the eye and wondering if she really recognised her all that much anymore. “You didn’t tell me anything, Lask. I mean, what am I meant to think? What even is this? What the fuck is going on?! I just…”

“We’re together,” Alaska cut in quietly. “Sharon and I. We’ve been seeing each other these past two weeks.”

There was a frosty pause in which Willam wanted to give all kinds of sarcastic remarks, but nothing could really hide how much she’d been hurt by the whole situation. “I just don’t understand…Alaska, she’s your boss.”

“Yeah, well…” Alaska sighed, running a hand through her hair and appearing frustrated at not being able to articulate herself properly. “It doesn’t feel like that, Will. It feels different. It doesn’t feel like a workplace relationship, it feels like we’re equals.”

“Well that’s just peachy. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve not been able to give a single piece of impartial advice since she’s arrived. You’ve sided with her on everything, Alaska. It’s been up to me and Courtney to be the fucking common sense in this department.”

As Willam finished, Alaska shrank back, leaning a little on the sink and casting her eyes to the white tiled floor. Annoyed at the pang of sudden sympathy she felt for her friend, Willam changed tack.

“Does Jinkx know?” she asked her, knowing that if she’d confided in anyone it would have been her.

“No,” Alaska sighed, appearing sincere as she looked Willam in the eye. “You’re the only one that knows.”

Rolling her eyes, Willam scuffed the floor with the heel of her shoe. So now she was being burdened with this, this massive mess that Alaska had managed to enter into, hell, that Sharon had entered into as well. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t her secret to keep. Growing more annoyed by the minute, Willam found herself snapping at her friend.

“And so you want me to go to the trouble of covering this up for you and helping you both be happy as two pigs in shit together, wilfully ignoring the inevitable shitstorm this will cause if it gets to the press. I mean what are the papers going to make of this, Alaska?! They find out that Sharon’s been fucking one of her advisors so none of her policies have been properly analysed or vetted because the aides are too elbow-deep in their boss to care?! I mean why the fuck should I cover this for you, because as far as bad ideas go this sounds as if it could’ve been dreamed up by Darienne!”

“Because if this was you and Courtney, you would beg me to do the same!” Alaska barked back, covering her mouth slightly as if she’d just vomited all over the bathroom floor.

Willam felt her spine freeze up, as if she was suddenly in a horrible nightmare.

“How…How the fuck do you know about that? Did Katya tell you, is that it? Did Katya tell everyone? Holy fucking shit.”

Feeling the panic rise in her throat, Willam’s breathing hitched a little. This was an unmitigated disaster, people knew. Hell, Courtney probably knew, why else would she have been avoiding her? There was no way on God’s earth that Willam could show her face in the department again. Catching a quick glimpse of herself in the mirror, she noticed she’d gone completely white.

Clearly feeling guilty, Alaska took Willam gently by the wrist. Her voice was softer as she addressed her friend. "No. Nobody told me. I worked it out. I recognised that look you’ve been giving her for ages. It was the same one I’d been giving Sharon since the day she arrived, to be honest.”

Willam barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes, admittedly grateful that the news of her crush clearly wasn’t all around the office. Pausing a little in the silence, she cleared her throat.

“I won’t, um. I won’t tell anyone about you and Sharon, Lask. I was never going to, you’re my friend for Christ’s sake. I just want you to know what you’re doing,” Willam muttered, sweeping a long strand of hair out of her face. Alaska smiled slightly guiltily.

“Thank you. I do. And you’re right, maybe I could work on that whole impartiality thing. Honestly though, don’t worry. We won’t do anything that would put the integrity of the party at risk,” she said sincerely, squeezing Willam’s hand gently. Glad that things seemed to be calming down, Willam let out a breath she hadn’t really known she’d been holding. Alaska suddenly opened her mouth again, a cheeky glint in her eye. “You’re clearly worried about it getting out, but if you ever need someone to talk to about Courtney, well. I’m always here. You’re my friend, Willam and…well, no matter how involved I get with anyone, that won’t change.”

Relaxing a little, Willam allowed herself to laugh. “Thanks, girl. Has she, um. Has she mentioned anything to you?”

Alaska gave her a quizzical look. If she was being honest, Willam hadn’t really meant to ask Alaska anything, but the constant silence from Courtney was making her worried. Clearly deciding not to ask about it, Alaska shrugged.

“Not to me. In fact, she’s not really said much to me at all these past few days. She’s been a little quiet, don’t you think?”

Willam simply nodded in reply, secretly glad she wasn’t the only one that Courtney had been weird with.

“I guess I’ve been too caught up in the honeymoon phase of everything with me and Sharon that I haven’t really been making much time for my friends,” Alaska admitted, her face guilty as she looked to the floor. Realising that she’d probably suffered enough, Willam pulled her friend into a hug.

“It’s alright, girl, we’ve all done it. Well, not me, because I don’t actually have a heart.”

“Hey, you can’t make those jokes anymore, bitch!”

“Shut up, whore! Anyway. Court’s clearly going through something. Let’s just show her we’re there for her?“ Willam sighed, slightly at a loss as to what to do anymore since her life was beginning to be turned upside down at such a rapid pace, like some bizarre hourglass that someone kept flipping over and over.

“Agreed,” Alaska smiled. Her smile was so infectious and goofy that Willam couldn’t help but smile back, happy to have at least one of her friends back again.

“Hey, did you have lunch yet? Mine is still half-eaten at the table. Well, if Trixie hasn’t got to it yet,” Willam joked, earning a laugh from her friend.

“Go for it. And you can gush to me all about Court while we eat,” Alaska laughed as she threaded her arm through Willam’s. Rolling her eyes, Willam snorted a little, embarrassed but secretly pleased she had someone to open up to about things.

Of course, she would never let Alaska know that.

***

The building which held the Five Live studios was nice, from what Willam had seen of it so far. The entranceway was open and airy and certainly wasn’t as intimidating as it had seemed from the outside. The café also didn’t seem too much of a rip off, which was half the problem with a lot of the BBC buildings. Rubbing her eyes a little and being careful to avoid her mascara, Willam began pouring herself a latte from the coffee machine. It had been a long drive, and Willam had found herself wishing for the energetic presence of Katya as she sat squashed between Courtney and Sharon, who had both been completely silent for the duration of the journey with their heads in their notebooks. She wished Alaska had been there, but one of them had had to stay behind in the department in case anything horrific happened with communications while they were away, and considering what had happened earlier Alaska had volunteered herself, saving Willam from feeling like the third wheel on the office tryst tricycle.

It was good to have Alaska back as a friend. Even in the short space of time between their chat in the bathrooms to the drive to the Five Live studios, Willam felt it was as if nothing had ever happened. If anything, she seemed closer to Alaska; now that they both knew each other’s secrets they could open up to each other, and Willam felt far better for it. She actually felt happy for her friend, and hearing her talk about Sharon made her realise that what they had was definitely more than a flimsy office romance.

Taking her coffee to the counter to pay, Willam noticed Sharon already at the till. She realised that she hadn’t yet addressed the elephant in the room between them. Wondering if she should say something, she noticed that Sharon had only bought an apple and a bottle of water.

“You nervous?” she asked her, making Sharon jump a little bit beside her and subsequently answering Willam’s question without her even having to speak.

“A little,” Sharon smiled, seemingly grateful that Willam obviously didn’t hate her. “It’s just I’m expected to be an expert on this, you know? I feel like I need to deliver. I know it’s only a stupid radio debate but if I argue my point clearly enough we could maybe finally get something done about this in parliament.”

Willam nodded understandingly. “You’ll be fine, honestly. You’re good at shit like this.”

There was a small pause in which Willam wasn’t sure if it was the time to bring up the whole situation with Alaska. Sharon seemed to sense what Willam was thinking.

“Look, Willam, I’m really sorry for…well, earlier. It was severely unprofessional, I’m really not normally like that, I swear,” she babbled out, clearly trying her best to look Willam in the eye but too embarrassed to follow through with it. Laughing a little at the scarlet blush that was beginning to attack Sharon’s pale cheeks, Willam put her out of her misery.

“Sharon. It’s okay. Alaska talked to me about it. Sure, I don’t think it’s the most amazing idea in the world, but you two are clearly happy and as long as it’s not going to intervene in your work, then who am I to stop you?” she shrugged, turning around at the last second to pay for her coffee. When she turned back, Sharon was smiling at her, relieved.

“You’re a good friend, Willam,” she said sincerely, which stopped Willam in her tracks a little. She didn’t really think of Sharon as one of her friends, but thinking about it she supposed that there was probably no harm in letting someone else in. She simply smiled in return as Sharon continued. “I didn’t plan on getting so hung up on Alaska but that very first day when I arrived at Dosac and met her I just instantly felt connected to her, you know? I think she felt that way too.”

“She did. She’s told me,” Willam smirked, watching as Sharon broke out into a huge smile.

“Wow. I guess I try not to talk about those sorts of feelings so much round her in case it scares her off,” Sharon shrugged, her face still bashful.

“Believe me, I don’t think you’re in danger of doing that in a hurry.”

Just then, the little click-clack of heels behind them announced the arrival of Courtney, her footsteps almost as quiet as her recent demeanour.

“Shall we get going?” she asked, putting on what looked to be a brave face. “Phi Phi and her team should already be there. There’s still a couple of minutes to go but it’s best to be punctual, don’t you think?”

“You’re the boss,” Willam smiled cheerfully in an attempt to counteract Courtney’s downbeat air. “Well, technically Sharon is but, you know.”

Courtney only offered a polite smile in return. With Willam more confused than ever, the three made their way over to the lifts.

Six floors up sat the Five Live studios, a labyrinth of corridors and tiny offices with sofas and armchairs perched outside them. Three right-turns away from the lift, they were greeted by the three stony faces of Phi Phi, Detox and Roxxxy, a tall girl with long, straight blonde hair in a ponytail and huge hoop earrings, and a relaxed-looking man with a chiselled jaw and styled brown hair. If Willam hadn’t known who he was, she’d have mistaken him for a male model.

“Sharon, hi! Lovely to meet you. I’m Dan, although please do call me Milk,” he smiled, leaning forward and shaking Sharon’s hand warmly. Sharon seemed a little taken aback by such a friendly gesture from a journalist, but then Milk wasn’t really all that conventional anyway. Today he was wearing loose, cuffed black joggers and a baggy hoodie; so not exactly a picture of professionalism, but over the years Willam had learnt never to judge a book by its cover. Turning to include the opposition, Milk carried on.

“Okay, so you’ve probably heard the breaking news that Scotland are going to be aiming to take 20,000 refugees within the next five years, so we’re going to be covering that and springboarding the debate from there. The news is going to be after you.”

A quick glance to Phi Phi showed that the breaking news obviously hadn’t been broken to her yet. She was shooting a side-glance at Detox that could’ve melted a steel beam. Detox had the same level of discomfort on her face as someone halfway through a colonoscopy.

“This is Ganja, she’s our producer,” Milk waved a hand to the girl beside him, who smiled briefly and snuck a look at her clipboard.

“Your advisors will be allowed in the control room, although they will have to keep the noise down so I can put through texts to Milk. And this is all going out live, so no swearing from either of you two,” she glared coldly at Sharon and Phi Phi as if she’d just been informed that both of them had Tourette’s. “You’re all in this green room here.”

She gestured to the glass-panelled room beside the corridor, in which sat two coffee tables, three little sofas, and a coffee machine. Suddenly, Willam noticed that Sharon was stifling a laugh.

“I take it you spend a lot of time in the green room? You know, what with…your name,” she finally joked, clearly impressed with her own wit. All she got in return was a sour look and a click of Ganja’s long talons.

“My name is actually of Persian origin,” she sniffed, prompting an awkward silence. Milk was the one to finally break it.

“Okay, we’re going to go start the show and then Ganja will come and get you when it’s time. Please take a seat,” he smiled, walking off down the corridor with the producer.

Still cringing at Sharon’s joke, Willam led the way into the green room and relaxed onto the sofa. To her surprise, Courtney sat beside her. It would have been a normal occurrence every other day, but today Willam was surprised that Courtney wanted to be near her at all. As Sharon sat down, Willam became vaguely aware of Phi Phi ranting away to a sheepish-looking Detox.

“…why I, the damn shadow minister for social affairs and citizenship, apparently doesn’t know shit about what’s going on in relation to that? I mean we’re meant to be the ones that are one step ahead all the damn time!”

“Bitch was probably too busy ordering dresses for Alyssa’s to look at the BBC News 24 notifications blowing her phone up,” Roxxxy chipped in snarkily, shooting Detox a poisonous glare.

Interesting, Willam thought. All was clearly not well in political advisor paradise for the government or its opposition.

“Oh, you think you’re immune to this?!” Phi Phi suddenly turned on her incredulously. Realising she’d perhaps been a little too loud she shot Sharon a sudden faux-relaxed smile, then resumed her hissing. “I mean, why didn’t you know? Why doesn’t anybody know anything? Jesus, twenty-fucking-thousand refugees? How am I going to explain that one to the cabinet? I mean, why was that allowed to happen?”

“Probably because Morgan McMichaels and the rest of her government don’t have a fucking compassion deficiency,” Willam muttered under her breath to no-one in particular. To her surprise and delight, she heard Courtney let out a soft giggle beside her. The remark had gone unnoticed by Phi Phi, who was still foaming at the mouth.

“When I see Morgan at Alyssa’s damn ball next week, she’s getting a piece of my mind. I mean, this decision has just come completely out of nowhere!”

“I guess it is their problem, though, Phi Phi. I mean, it is their government, they’ve got to worry about it, not us,” Roxxxy shrugged, attempting to calm the energy in the room down and failing.

“That’s all very fucking well and good until the public start asking me why I didn’t challenge it, or if things will be the same in the other three quarters of this damn, so-called United Kingdom. I mean, hell, the only reason Morgan’s doing this is so she can look good to the rest of the world and get some traction going on these dreams of another fucking independence referendum, which was bad enough the first time round!” Phi Phi’s voice raised to a dramatic crescendo as she reached the end of her sentence and slapped her lever arch file across her knees for emphasis. The room fell silent once more as Willam caught Sharon’s eye and they shared a knowing smile. Phi Phi was flustered, and that was good news for them.

A couple more minutes of frosty silence passed where neither Phi Phi or Sharon would look at each other.

“This is a joke. Are we just going to ignore each other until the debate starts?” Sharon whispered to Willam.

“I think that’s her plan. Anyway, it might be for the best. Release all the pent-up aggression in the studio like some kinda political Mike Tyson.”

“Well, as long as she doesn’t bite my literal ear off then I’m fine,” Sharon joked, shuddering a little. Just then, the silence in the room was broken by Roxxxy’s phone, the classic and yet generic iPhone ringtone deafening in the glass room.

“It’s Betty,” she whispered to Phi Phi. Phi Phi looked momentarily as if someone had swiftly removed every organ from her body in one go. Willam perked up. If the opposition’s spin doctor was trying to contact them, something important was obviously going on. She tucked her hair behind her ears in order to try and hear better.

“Hi Betty!” Roxxxy sing-songed down the phone in an effort to appear cheerful. Her face immediately faltered as something was being yelled down the line to her. Looking to Phi Phi, she leaned closer and Willam could only make out certain things she was whispering.

“…complete U-turn …in concurrence with the British people…welcome people in…”

Phi Phi was not as subtle. Narrowing her eyes at the phone then back to Roxxxy, she murmured a reply. “Roxxxy. I’ve been invited here for a debate. If I U-turn, there won’t be any debate. Plus I will be the only shadow minister in this whole party pulling this stance and I am not going to be spending the rest of my days in Westminster feeling like the girl who has to go and eat lunch in the toilets on her own, so no, tell her the answer’s no.”

Just then, Ganja appeared from the corridor, beckoning them all through. Sharon immediately leapt up, with Willam and Courtney following behind her. Roxxxy was still on the phone.

“Hi Betty, yeah, Phi Phi is kind of reluctant to do that so we’re just going to stick with the line we’ve been given.”

As Willam passed by her, she could hear the muffled yell of a woman at the end of her tether on the phone.

“Well this is the line I’m giving you! You tell her that-”

No more could be heard of Betty’s shouting as Willam made her way into the control room, with a quick “good luck” thrown Sharon’s way as she stepped into the studio behind a rattled-looking Phi Phi. Through the soundproof pane of glass she could see Milk chatting away into the microphone, Sharon sat at the huge wheely chair to his left and Phi Phi opposite them both. Willam could see Roxxxy’s face through the tiny pane of glass at the studio door, frantically trying to get Phi Phi to come back presumably so that she could communicate whatever Betty had been yelling to her. Suddenly, Detox stormed into the control room, irritation all over her face.

“Everything okay on your end, Detox?” Willam smiled pleasantly, revelling in the death glare that was sent her way in return.

“Fine, thank you Willam. All Phi is concerned about is making your boss look like the laughing stock she is,” Detox snapped back smugly. Willam could only laugh in reply.

“If I were you, I’d be a bit more worried about your boss actually knowing shit that goes on in this country instead of looking like an A-level government and politics student that just entered an exam room and forgot to revise. But y’know. You do you,” she shrugged nonchalantly, her smile becoming even bigger when she realised that Detox had absolutely no comeback. Casting a quick glance to Courtney, she was surprised to find her already smiling her way. Willam gave a timid smile back.

Timid. That was a word Willam never thought she’d be using to describe herself, but then so often being around Courtney fucked up her own self-expectations. Her kind, gentle nature always seemed to throw Willam off a bit, softening her personality. Although did she really need that if she wanted to get anywhere in the world of politics? This job was her life, it always had been. Perhaps that was only the case because she’d never had any alternative.

Willam scrunched her face up, chasing those particular thoughts away. This was neither the time nor the place.

Roxxxy suddenly came scrambling through the control room door, earning a steely glare from Ganja as she pulled on an enormous pair of headphones. Detox cast her colleague a questioning gaze.

“Betty’s gone nuts. She wants Phi Phi to completely agree with Sharon on everything. The latest polls came in and apparently the majority were in favour of more refugees. Betty doesn’t want the party being hated more than they already are, so she wants Phi Phi to be in concurrence with the public.”

“Who the fuck did they poll, exclusively university campuses? What’s Phi doing?”

“Ignoring her. Which got me an earful of tinnitus from Betty, but Phi Phi’s put her foot down. The lady’s not for turning,” Roxxxy rolled her eyes, doing a sort of double-take as she saw Detox pull out her phone. Her face turned sour. “So you’re texting Guy all of this, then? Fucking couple goals.”

Willam was intrigued. There it was again, this reference to things not being perhaps all they should be between the two advisors. Roxxxy and Detox had always been close, the Tweedlebitch and Tweedlecunt of Phi Phi’s party, and this closeness had only increased when Alaska crossed the floor. Willam was left wondering what had happened.

Detox was fixing Roxxxy with a stare that suggested she was loath to bring this particular topic up in front of the opposite party. “Don’t start. We’ve discussed this.”

“I’m not starting anything. I’m just saying-”

“No, you’re not ‘just saying’. You’re being passive-aggressive and it’s getting on my tits,” Detox snapped at her. Roxxxy’s nostrils flared.

“Well maybe I’m just being aggressive!” she barked loudly, forcing Ganja to rip off her headphones and spin her chair round to face them both.

“Look,” she hissed, turning to address Roxxxy. “If you and that fucking inflatable dinghy don’t shut up right now, I’m removing you from this room. All of you.”

Annoyed that she’d been dropped in it, Willam glared at the two members of the opposition, but was distracted by Courtney pulling on her shirt sleeve.

“It’s starting,” she muttered, not once turning her gaze from the studio where Milk had begun introducing the topic.

“…and in the wake of Morgan McMichaels announcing that Scotland is to take twenty thousand new refugees over the next five years, we’re asking; should the rest of the UK be following in her footsteps? Discussing this with me today is Sharon Needles, Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship-”

“Hi Milk, good to be here,” Sharon smiled easily, seemingly quite comfortable with the situation.

“-and the Right Honourable Phi Phi O’Hara MP, Shadow Minister,” he continued, gesturing to Phi Phi. Phi Phi sort of spluttered a hello.

“She doesn’t look entirely…comfortable, does she?” Courtney whispered, making Willam jump a bit. “Phi Phi, I mean.”

“She doesn’t. But that’s good news for us,” Willam replied, earning another smile from Courtney which had her wondering what had changed. Milk was still talking.

“…and of course, you can get involved in the debate as well on Twitter, at Radio Five Live or using the hashtag ‘gotmilk’.”

“Fuck’s sake. This is today’s journalistic standard. Hashtag ‘gotmilk’,” Willam snorted, earning herself a glare from Detox and Roxxxy.

“So, Phi Phi O’Hara,” Milk was continuing, smiling lazily at the shadow minister. “What do you think? Should we be welcoming more refugees to the UK?”

A beat of silence. “Um, well, it’s a very good question, and one that does not necessarily have a yes or no answer, but a list of pros and cons. It is one of these situations where both the pros and the cons must be lined up together, and, um, from there it should be examined which the longer list is, the pros or the, um, cons. Now, of course there are many pros, however in the UK-”

“Fucking hell, Phi Phi, answer the question,” Detox muttered under her breath, as Roxxxy shook her head disparagingly.

Phi Phi seemed to have finally reached the end of her point, whatever the hell it was, as Sharon had begun speaking.

“Well, I think I’d have to answer that same question in much fewer words than Phi Phi did over there, and say yes, I think this country should be welcoming many more refugees, and I think Morgan McMichaels has done a brilliant thing today in announcing these plans for Scotland. I think they’re definitely going to see much of an economic benefit, much more diversity, a much more enriched culture, and certainly a more tolerant society.”

“Sharon, you mentioned the economic benefit- could you expand a little on that?” Milk questioned.

“Certainly. Well, I think it’s easy to forget that the refugees that are seeking to move over here aren’t all unskilled, many of them will have been in work or education before their country got completely ripped to shreds. In this case, this provides a vast pool of skilled workers who can set up businesses, contribute to established businesses, and generally help the economy.”

Phi Phi’s face looked as if Sharon may as well have taken a shit on the desk in front of her. Milk seemed to pick up on this.

“Phi Phi O’Hara- do you agree?”

“No, I don’t agree, Milk, and to be honest I don’t think Sharon really knows what she’s talking about. You think-” Phi Phi turned to Sharon. “-that more jobs are going to be created by these people coming over here, when we’re currently on our way out of a recession and unemployment is at its highest in years, thanks to your party. If these refugees are as skilled as you say- which they’re not, by the way, they’re only really coming over here for the benefit system- it’s going to mean that our own citizens are out of work, struggling to provide for families, and potentially even becoming homeless.”

Sharon sat and listened to Phi Phi’s tirade, finally smiling and stretching out in her chair as if she was in her family home and not a radio studio. “First of all, you weren’t even aware of the fact that Scotland was going to welcome these refugees until you arrived at this studio half an hour ago, so don’t talk to me about knowing what I’m talking about when I have been campaigning for the safety of refugees since I was at university. Second of all-”

Willam actually punched the air. Sharon was killing it, and Phi Phi was coming across just plain jittery. She turned to Courtney excitedly but found her concentrating on what Sharon was saying in the studio. Too hyped to listen properly, Willam peered over Ganja’s shoulder at the Five Live twitter feed.

Sharon is bae!!!! Love her!!!!! #gotmilk

lmao phi phi who #gotmilk

#gotmilk who is this lefty loony theyv got on this week? REFUGEES OUT THIS IS ARE COUNTRY #EDL #KNIGHTSTEMPLAR #PAULGOLDINGFORPM

#gotmilk interesting points from both sides but phi phi is winning for me atm

#gotmilk U TELL EM MOM @SharonNeedlesMP

A mixed bag, but Willam would take what the party could get. She became aware that Sharon was still talking.

“…and finally, honestly? If refugees are as unskilled as you say but at the same time can still steal your job? You probably weren’t really that good at it in the first place.”

Willam almost yelped when she felt an excited grab at her wrist. Looking sharply to her left she saw Courtney beaming with pride at Sharon, who was now lazing back in her chair like a satisfied cat. Seemingly realising where she was, or what she’d done, or exactly whose wrist she was grabbing, Courtney suddenly dropped her hand back to her side, looking up at Willam meekly.

“Sorry,” she muttered, her cheeks flushing a little pink before returning her gaze back to the ground.

Deciding this might be the only possible available moment of the day where she would be able to build a bridge with Courtney, Willam turned slightly to face her. “Hey, Court? Once this is over, do you think we could maybe talk about-”

She was cut short by a vibration from her pocket and a life-ruining generic iPhone ringtone ringing out into the studio. Ganja spun around in her chair with such a force that it almost spun through the glass into the studio.

“OUT. NOW. NO PHONES!”

Sighing in irritation, Willam stormed outside, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Bianca.

“Hello?”

“I had no idea the BBC were hosting a barbecue, are you having fun?”

Taking the phone away from her ear and double-checking the caller ID, Willam returned to the call in confusion. “What?!”

“Well it’s just all I’m hearing on the radio is Phi Phi O’Hara being absolutely roasted.”

Rolling her eyes a little, Willam held in an irritated hiss. “And you phoned to tell me this why exactly?”

“Hey! Stick that attitude far up your ass, you moaning bitch!” Bianca immediately snapped back, all joviality gone from her voice. Willam winced a little. “I wasn’t phoning you for the express purpose of making jokes, does it look like this government is being policed by Frankie Boyle to you?!”

Willam wanted to reply that sometimes it did with the amount that Bianca swore, but she thought better of it. “So why did you phone me then?”

“As great as Sharon’s doing, she’s coming across like a smug Poxbridge twat who’s just won her first debate and is about to piss her pants. Get her to tone it down a bit, will you?”

Willam shrugged, not completely disagreeing with Bianca. Sharon’s style of debate hadn’t really changed since uni and her years at the stock exchange really showed. She concluded that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to get Sharon to reign in the smugness.

“Right. I’ll try and communicate that to her, Bianca, but you see it’s a bit difficult when there’s a massive fuck-off pane of soundproof glass between me and my boss. “

“Drop that attitude or I’ll dropkick you into the Thames! Get it done!” Bianca yelled down the phone, her voice gone immediately after, indicating that she had hung up.

Willam internally bemoaned Bianca’s erratic mood swings as she headed back into the control room, Ganja giving her a sour look as she returned to her place beside Courtney. Phi Phi was currently rabbiting on about how immigration spelt the end for Britain, whilst Sharon was sitting back in her chair, feet up on the studio desk.

Milk looked displeased.

“Bianca’s right,” Willam thought aloud, then jumped a little as she felt Courtney’s eyes on her. “She just phoned me there. Wants Sharon to tone it down, and we’re supposed to get that message through to her.”

“Right. Well. That shouldn’t be too hard,” Courtney frowned, only slightly frosty. “Does Sharon know sign language?”

“She barely knows fucking English,” Willam muttered, sighing in exasperation as Sharon began to refute Phi Phi’s point with the same lazy smugness she’d displayed throughout the whole interview. “We could signal something to her?”

Courtney’s brow furrowed before she turned to the clear glass of the studio and started miming pushing her hands down rapidly. Willam watched her in severe disbelief, fleetingly wondering why she harboured such strong feelings for someone who was clearly such a massive blithering idiot. It seemed to be catching Sharon’s attention though, so dutifully Willam began miming the same action.

Sharon began to trail off, looking at them both incredulously. In fact all three people in the studio were giving them awestruck looks. Wishing and willing Sharon to understand what the fuck they both meant, Willam kept pushing her hands down in the hope that she’d get the message.

“Um…as I was saying, we have to remember that Britain is a country that is built on diversity and multiculturalism, and I do have to wonder what would happen to that if we suddenly stopped allowing- or deporting, as Phi Phi is arguing- immigrants and refugees,” Sharon continued, in a voice about three octaves lower than her normal tone. Willam physically slapped her palm to her forehead.

“Why the hell would she think we were talking about her fucking pitch?!” Willam ranted, as Courtney attempted to change tact by mouthing furiously to the clear glass. Out the corner of her eye, Willam could see Detox and Roxxxy sniggering in the corner. Bristling with rage, she decided that at that current moment she had bigger fish to fry. Turning back to Courtney, she noticed that she was mouthing “TONE IT DOWN” furiously, ignoring the judgemental glares of Roxxxy and Detox. As Phi Phi rebutted Sharon’s point, Sharon was just staring at Courtney completely dumbfounded.

“It’s not working,” Willam sighed, as Courtney ran her hands through her hair in frustration. She looked good when she did that.

God, Willam wished more than anything that they were on good terms.

Shaking all unprofessional thoughts out of her head, Willam was suddenly hit with a brainwave.

“Do you have lipstick with you?” she turned to address Courtney. Appearing a little affronted by Willam’s blunt turn of phrase, Courtney raised her eyebrows and scrambled into her bag.

“Sure. Here.”

Grabbing it from Courtney’s hand, Willam fleetingly noticed it was MAC. Well, she hoped Courtney wasn’t particularly attached to this colour.

Without even hesitating, Willam wrenched the cap off and scrawled backwards on the glass the very three words Courtney had been mouthing through the pane just seconds ago. “TONE IT DOWN” now sat very boldly written in reverse, almost like a shriek against the clear glass.

And then a lot of things happened very quickly.

Sharon muttered “what the fuck?” very quietly to herself under her breath. There was a split second before Willam realised that the reason she’d heard her mutter it was because Sharon’s microphone had been switched on. Milk, partly in shock, stammered a choked apology, and then a hastily-tacked on link to the pre-recorded news. Ganja swore loudly, ripped off her headphones and stormed out of the room, presumably to find out from The Powers That Be how much the BBC was going to get fined this time, or maybe to find out how many complaints they’d received already. Courtney, who was frozen still, her mouth hanging open in shock, began to get a phone call. Willam didn’t even have to look to see who it was from. Becoming un-frozen and seemingly snapping back into a workplace android, Courtney looked at her phone, gave Willam a look that could curdle milk, then rushed out the room.

“Hi, Bianca- yes I know…”

In all the chaos, Willam had quite forgotten Detox and Roxxxy were in the room. They were both looking at her with punchable, smug smiles.

“Nice one, Willam,” Roxxxy smirked, leaning back against the wall calmly.

Willam didn’t even have a retort because, to give her her dues, Roxxxy was absolutely right.

***

“Oh, girl, I’ve got to give you credit. I haven’t laughed that much since…well. Probably quite recently. But it was an absolutely biblical shitshow.”

Willam rolled her eyes as she sat in the green room, Katya gabbing down the phone to her at a tremendous pace. “Yeah, well. We’ve got the last laugh because you guys have to field all the phone calls that must be flooding the department right now.”

“Are you kidding? This shit’s easy. No comment, no comment, no comment. Why do you think my smoke break’s been 15 minutes long? There’s nothing to do.”

“Well you could be listening to the damn thing.”

“Well what are you doing on the phone to me?” Katya reasoned, Willam hearing her taking a drag of a cigarette faintly down the line. She sighed. To be honest, she was just planning on hiding out in the green room until the whole thing was over. She’d been responsible for one of the biggest political fuck-ups someone could make, and she didn’t really feel she was in a position to give any political advice for some length of time. She didn’t know how Courtney was doing in there on her own. She didn’t really think to check on her. She didn’t want to make things worse. Christ, she was a fucking idiot.

Sitting in the green room had been interesting, though. During a break for sports news, she’d seen Detox and Roxxxy rush down the corridor in some sort of fury, and a kind of hushed argument had ensued. Roxxxy had been on the way to raising her voice in a furious crescendo, but had suddenly been cut off by something. Willam reflected on the situation. Maybe Detox and Roxxxy were fucking. Maybe this was what Courtney had meant those few weeks ago, about being more perceptive.

A sudden thought struck Willam. There was a correlation between that moment and when Courtney had started being weird with her. Why was that? What had happened then that had offended her so much? Before she could even think about it in any greater depth, she was jolted out of her daydream.

“Willam? Are you still there?”

Shaking her head, Willam tried to focus. “Yeah, sorry Katya. I was kind of in my own world.”

“Well, I guess I should let you go do your job. Love you lots. Try not to set the entire studios on fire as a grand finale.”

“That would be how this day would end,” Willam quipped as a sign-off, as she hit end call and tucked her phone back into the pouch in her bag. She supposed she should keep listening to the debate. From how it sounded, they were in the process of taking some phone calls and texts from the public. Always a great idea, thought Willam sarcastically. The pubic could always be trusted to have really great and sound opinions.

Phi Phi seemed to be answering someone’s phone call, her jitteriness now clearly back. The person who’d asked the question hadn’t seemed too happy, by what Willam had heard in the background of her phone call with Katya. Still, Phi Phi seemed to have done her best to answer whatever the question was, and now they were taking a phone call from,

“George in Tottenham Hale, let’s hear from you. I think you have a question for Sharon, is that right?” Milk’s voice came through the small speakers. What followed was a deep Ugandan voice, slightly tinged by what was clearly a couple of years in London.

“Yes, my question is for Sharon. It is a bit surprising to me to hear you are supportive of refugees and immigrants.”

Willam began to feel a sense of dread creeping over her. What the hell was coming next? She reached into her bag for her phone again, getting the horrible feeling that she might be needing it within the next few minutes. George continued on.

“I come to this country two years ago, I get a job with a cleaning company. We do big contracts and things, for big companies. And the government hired us to do the offices at Richmond Terrace, and the new offices of Sharon’s department.”

Suddenly, a harsh vibration from Willam’s phone made her heart beat of out her chest. A text from Bianca.

B: THERE IS A GLACIER OF SHIT ABOUT TO SINK US. I’M COMING IN. BE PREPARED.

If Willam was filled with horror before, then this only made her heart drop out of her stomach. As George carried on, Willam had to fight the urge to spew her insides out onto the green room’s floor.

“So we are working for the government, Sharon’s government, and she is here talking about the economic benefits of immigration, but they are paying us the very minimum wage, for five hours of work on the nightshift every day. So why does her government support this? It is cheap labour, and she is paying the company that supports our exploitation. She is exploiting us.”

A beat of silence was somewhat deafening on the speakers of the green room.

“Sharon Needles, how do you respond to that?” Milk spoke, obviously trying to inject some noise into the silence.

“Well. Um, that’s obviously a very serious accusation, and one which we will be working hard to-”

Willam never got to hear what Sharon would be working hard to do, as suddenly from the other end of the corridor came a dull yet frantic rumbling of high heels against a carpeted floor. Courtney was a blur past the glass of the green room until she came hurtling through its door, facing Willam with more urgency than she’d shown in a long time.

“We need to sort this out. This is a shitshow,” she gasped, hair all over her face. “You did hear that, yeah?”

“Yeah, Court, but the whole reason I’m here is because I fucked up,” Willam looked to the floor, a little embarrassed. “I don’t want to make things worse. It’s not my day, and you’re totally able to fix this. Alaska’s on the other end of the phone, just…I don’t know. Call her.”

Willam was shocked when Courtney took three little steps forward, fury written all over her face. For a moment, it looked as if she was going to slap her. She didn’t. Instead, she laid into her.

“Now, look! You’re Willam, god damn it! You can’t just give up because it’s ‘not your day’, that’s not how this shit works!” she yelled, pointing a single manicured finger in her face. Seemingly calming down a little, she ran a hand through her blonde waves of hair. “Now Bianca’s going to be here in…fifteen minutes now. And she’s going to expect us to have some sort of plan for mopping up this hurricane of piss, and how else are you going to redeem yourself in her eyes than to be the ringleader of the whole thing? The party needs you. I need you.”

Courtney’s words shocked Willam into locking eyes with her. Seeming to realise what she’d said, a pink flush tinted Courtney’s cheeks and she opened her mouth to backtrack. “That’s not- you know what I mean. We’re a team. And you can’t…you can’t just give up because of one fuck-up. The Willam I know wouldn’t do that.”

There was a silence in which Willam tried to figure out how to respond. She was a little irritated with Courtney herself; the fact that she was insisting they were a team only now when it was convenient to her and the situation, all the amazing things Courtney was saying about her probably just being a front to get her to do something about this fuckery. There was also that little bump in Courtney’s telling-off, “I need you”. It would be easy just to question her about that, and shit, Courtney was actually really up in her face, really close to her face, and there was still some sort of tension in the air, and she still hadn’t broken her gaze and God, it actually hurt how much she couldn’t be mad at her for long. Blinking twice, Willam sighed deeply and rubbed a hand down her face, disregarding all her perfectly-applied makeup. Her mind began working at a hundred miles an hour.

“Right, make sure that Jinkx and her minions know the line. Of course, we don’t actually know what the line is because Bianca’s not here, but just tell them that we’re looking into it, stress Sharon’s commitment to fair employment for refugees and immigrants, and that this doesn’t affect her standing or the validity of her opinions. Should we make a donation to someplace?”

“Hmm, maybe not. If the press got hold of it, they could say it was just a reactionary measure. And the press are quite likely to get hold of it, given that we’re probably going to be under scrutiny for about a fortnight at least,” Courtney offered, biting her lip nervously.

“Good point,” Willam nodded, her heart swelling a little at how well they were working together already as Courtney began typing a message, presumably to Jinkx. Maybe Courtney had forgiven her for whatever she’d done already. Tearing a hand through her hair, Willam had to remind herself to focus on the matter at hand. “Okay, no donations. In the meantime, let’s maybe try to get some information about this guy, see if there’s anything we can use against him, anything that makes his stance void.”

Courtney stopped typing suddenly, looking up at Willam with concern in her eyes. “Willam that’s…that’s smearing.”

“Yeah, and?”

“That’s kind of Bianca’s domain. We don’t really do that unless it’s under her jurisdiction. Do you have any idea the shit you could get into if it got out that you instigated something like this?” Courtney mumbled, panic tinging her voice as her thumbs hovered over her phone screen. Pausing for a second to think it through, Willam could faintly hear Phi Phi’s smug voice laying into Sharon about what a hypocrite she was. That made her decision for her.

“We’re doing it. If it gets out, I’ll take the hit,” Willam said simply. Courtney looked momentarily as if she’d just been shot through the stomach, but dutifully she continued to type.

“Okay, so we’re going with smear campaign and promote Sharon. Am I sending this?” she sucked in a breath of air through her teeth. Willam gave a curt nod and with that, Courtney’s thumb hit a single button on her phone.

“God, it’s sent. Okay. Now what do we do?” she asked, fear written across her face. “Should one of us go back to the control room and keep listening to see if anything develops?”

“Right. You do that. I’ll let you know when Bianca gets here. Hopefully she’ll have a way to help,” Willam reasoned. Courtney smiled hesitantly, making to turn and leave for the studio. Seeing the worry on her face, Willam reached out and gently touched her arm. The softness of the action surprised both of them, and Willam drew her hand back quickly.

“Don’t worry. It’ll all be fine,” she finally said, managing to muster a confident smile from somewhere. To her shock, Courtney fixed her with the most genuine smile she’d seen from her in weeks.

“I know it will. You’re involved,” she replied, looking quickly to the floor and rushing out of the green room, leaving Willam at peak confusion.

The ten minutes before Bianca arrived consisted of firstly of just initial googling. There wasn’t much that Willam had to go on, other than “George from Tottenham Hale”, but with the right keywords she managed to find a second name, which she immediately forwarded to Jinkx. She wasn’t sure how they were all doing back at the department. She was a little afraid to ask.

When Bianca arrived, she knew about it. Along the corridor, Willam heard the thumping of a pair of very distinctive heels, and she could tell immediately that she was there. Standing up quickly and preparing for a roasting, Willam tensed up as Bianca entered the green room, dressed in a tailored blue suit and giving her a look that could’ve frozen lava.

“Where’s Australian Idol?” Bianca quipped dryly, setting down her Mulberry bag on the small glass coffee table and looking Willam dead in the eye.

“She’s in the studio keeping tabs on things. We’re currently trying to-”

“Nope! Not interested. Don’t want to hear from you. Go get her.”

Holding in a massive sigh, Willam trotted along to the studio. She had known Bianca was going to be mad at her, but she could only prepare so much for her disappointment. The main thing was, Willam reminded herself, that Bianca was here now, and if anyone could get this mess back in order then it was her.

Willam didn’t even have to say anything to Courtney as she stuck her head through the door of the control room. She immediately came running out, and they both walked in silence down the corridor to meet Bianca. When they got to the green room she was sat quite menacingly on the sofa, and had taken her suit jacket off and flung it over its headrest. She meant business.

“Right, any bright ideas from either of you about how to fix this fucking abomination? Because I’d love to hear them. I’m sure whatever it is it won’t be as good as Willam’s greatest hit from earlier, take a simple task and fuck it up to the point where Sharon makes one of the biggest media blunders a politician could make!” she barked, as Courtney and Willam stood in front of her like two disgraced schoolchildren.

Courtney began their defence. “Well, we thought that the line should be that this doesn’t undermine Sharon at all, she’s looking into it, and that delivering fair employment opportunities for immigrants and refugees is still one of her unwavering top priorities.”

Bianca seemed to relax only slightly. “That’s not bad. Good work, Courtney.”

“Actually it was mainly Willam’s idea,” Courtney said quietly, Willam raising her head to meet Bianca’s eyes. Bianca’s cold stare didn’t seem to have that icy edge anymore, but she supposed that hoping for praise was pushing things a bit far.

“Okay. Anything else?”

“We’ve…said to comms that they’re to look for information on the man that phoned in- anything that we could use against him, anything that we could put about, things like that,” Courtney said a little hesitantly. Bianca’s glare darkened.

“That’s fucking smearing! You both know that! That falls under my purview, I do the smearing, you guys get the information for me to make it happen. Do you have any idea the fucking river of shit you are going to have to stay afloat in if it gets out to the press that you are trying to run a smear campaign against this fucking individual? That’s not going to look so good for this party, will it?!”

Willam winced. “It was entirely my idea, Bianca. Courtney did point it out but we didn’t have much time to act and we had to do something.”

“Well here’s something to do for next time. Use your fucking brain cells,” Bianca hissed, standing up from the sofa and giving Willam a look that could wilt flowers. “Have we put anything out about this man yet?”

“No, that’s for certain. Last I spoke to Jinkx they hadn’t found anything on him yet. Willam found his second name, but that’s all we have,” Courtney confirmed, her stance like that of an army soldier as she addressed Bianca. Willam suddenly felt a vibration from her phone. Glancing at it, a text had popped up on her screen.

“Alaska’s just told me she has the name of his cleaning company. Maybe our tactic should be to smear them? Expose them for their poor wages?” Willam suggested, in the vague hope that Bianca would agree. Instead, she frowned and shook her head rapidly.

“Nobody is smearing anyone or anything until I give the green light, tell Alaska that for starters. Jesus, right. See if they can get more information about the company. Find out its boss, see if he’s hiding a lovechild in a fucking cupboard anywhere. Until then, we do nothing,” Bianca sighed deeply, seemingly much more relaxed now she was in control of the situation again. Willam did as she was told and began messaging Alaska.

In the few minutes that followed, there was a flurry of activity in the studios. Roxxxy, Detox and Phi Phi sprinted down the corridor, with a yell from Phi Phi which Willam could make out as “Why is Betty coming in?!”. Before she could even react to that information, Sharon appeared in the green room looking visibly shaken.

“I didn’t- I didn’t know anything about this. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on,” she babbled, looking frantically from Willam, then Courtney, and finally Bianca.

“Might want to tone down the swearing. Didn’t seem to work out too well earlier,” Bianca replied dryly, severely unimpressed.

Courtney turned to Sharon and put her hands on her shoulders reassuringly, “It’s okay, we’re on it. In the meantime, try and keep pushing that new policy of yours; the housing one for refugees.”

“But-”

“I know it’s only in its preliminary stages,” Courtney shook her head. “But it’s the best we’ve got at the moment, and you need to redeem yourself. Just keep banging on about it until we can get something to cool this situation down.”

“We’ve got five minutes til we need to be back in. I need to- I need to speak to Alaska,” Sharon stammered, worry thickly coating every word she spoke. Bianca and Courtney shared an odd look.

“Why Alaska?” Bianca asked swiftly, her eyes questioning. Sharon’s face suddenly drained of all its colour. Willam suddenly felt like she had to step in.

“Alaska’s the only advisor left at the department right now. She’s going to give us a perspective that we maybe haven’t thought about.”

Silently, Willam handed Sharon her phone, Sharon’s hands shaking as she took it from her. As Sharon left the room, she shot Willam a look of gratitude. Bianca gave her a side glance as she disappeared down the corridor.

“Okay, you two, keep digging. I’m going to make a few phone calls,” she said decisively, rising from her position on the sofa and leaving the room. Willam rolled her eyes a little. As long as Sharon was speaking to Alaska, she couldn’t really do anything. She began thinking about the three members of the opposition.

“Did I hear right earlier? Did they say that Betty was coming in?” Willam asked Courtney softly. Courtney furrowed her brow in thought.

“That’s weird. They must know something we don’t. Something must be brewing for them too,” she said slowly, realisation dawning on her. “They must be worried that we’re digging into this. They’re involved in some way!”

Willam’s heart leapt as Courtney began bouncing on her own seat excitedly. “We just need to uncover whatever it is they’re worrying about.”

About a minute later, the three girls from the opposing party jogged past the clear glass of the green room again. Sharon raced back into the room behind them and chucked Willam her phone back.

“Thanks girl. I’ve got about a minute to get back. You’ve got a text from Katya, by the way,” she said quickly, out of breath as she quickly ran back to the studio. A little confused, and more than a little disorientated at the pace at which things were moving, Willam opened up the text wordlessly. She could see from the outset that something was attached to it.

K: OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A screenshot of a text conversation. When Willam hit her thumb against the screen, the image became clearer- a conversation between Katya and Trannika, except only Trannika had sent anything.

“Holy fuck girl!!! Your man on the radio- I thought I recognised his voice and then it clicked! He cleans for us as well! George comes in on the Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and does the shadow offices. Bob & co are shitting themselves!! Betty is on her way in to Five Live to firefight in case anything goes down!! I’m going to need a strong fuckin whisky tonight I’ll tell u that for nothing xo”

“Shit!” Willam exclaimed involuntarily, prompting Courtney to crane her neck and read the text over Willam’s shoulder. “That’s it. We’ve got them. That’s why they were all running around the studio like chickens with their dicks cut off. Go tell Bianca!”

Courtney gave a little squeal, almost tripping over herself as she sped out of the green room to find Bianca. Willam was experiencing a sort of adrenaline rush. It was stressful at times, but this was what she loved the absolute most about this job; there was no better feeling than knowing you had the upper hand over the other party.

Bianca suddenly came storming in with Courtney, her face hard as marble, not quite seeming as overjoyed with the finding as Willam had been. Wordlessly, she held out an open palm in front of Willam.

“Let’s see.”

Obediently, Willam handed her her phone, still open on the screenshot of Trannika’s text. She watched as Bianca’s huge owl eyes darted across the screen, then as she almost threw the phone back into Willam’s possession. As she turned on her heel, she barked a “follow me” to no-one in particular. After sharing a quick glance, Courtney and Willam followed after her as she charged full speed ahead towards the control room. Bursting through its door, she instantly rounded on Detox. Willam had often heard the phrase “looked as if she’d shat herself” used facetiously, but only now could she with complete certainty say that this was the embodiment of Detox’s expression. Clearly she hadn’t encountered Bianca since she leaked information about Sharon’s DWI to Phi Phi, and by the looks of it she was frantically attempting to make peace with the fact that her death was imminent. She opened her mouth in an attempt to say or do something, but Bianca simply uttered one word.

“Phone,” she said calmly, holding out her open hand almost as a prompt. As Detox’s expression took on one of bemusement, Bianca simply followed her one word up with another, firmer and with an edge. “Now.”

Detox began scrambling to get her phone from her bag. As Roxxxy watched the exchange with nothing less than pure fear in her eyes, Ganja turned around in her chair, annoyance painted all over her face.

“Excuse me, what in the hell do you think you’re-”

“You turn the fuck back around in that chair and just concentrate on doing your job or I will loop my fingers round those fucking metal hula hoops stapled into your ears and do a Miss Trunchbull hammer throw on your imitation ghetto ass!” Bianca snapped without missing a single beat. Silently, as if she hadn’t quite yet processed the extent of Bianca’s wrath, the shocked producer swivelled back around. Near ripping the phone out of Detox’s hand, Bianca turned and left the control room, leading Willam and Courtney to the corridor outside.

“Watch my moves,” Bianca said, near out of breath, presumably as a result of her heart hammering in her chest the same way Willam’s was currently doing now. “What’s the number for texts to the studio?”

“08442,” Courtney reeled off without missing a beat. Catching Willam’s questioning look, she gave her a quick, amused smile. “I’ve been listening to this godforsaken debate for nigh on two hours now. That number’s practically engraved into my ear canal.”

Willam watched curiously as Bianca started typing, thumbs going like mad against Detox’s phone screen. Soon enough, she had a text waiting to be sent.

“Phi Phi is a hypocrite! The opposition also employs the same cleaning company as Sharon’s government and has them working more days! Know your facts before you start tearing others down! Julie in Brighton.”

Before Willam could comment on Bianca’s chosen pseudonym, Bianca had sent the text in, then gone to sent items and deleted it from history. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

“And that’s how it’s done,” Bianca finally smiled at the two advisors, some semblance of relaxed even though her frown lines were now engraved into her heavy foundation as a result of all the stressing she’d been doing for the past half hour or so. Willam shot a relieved smile at Courtney, who sent one back her way and consequently made her heart melt. Heart still hammering in her chest, Willam was about to compliment Bianca on her quick actions when a sudden voice from one end of the corridor made her jump.

“By ‘it’ do you mean stirring up a shitstorm for my party in the press which I’m now going to need to clean up?” It was a tall woman, some of her height coming from her impossibly tall electric blue heels. Her outfit didn’t exactly scream ‘politics’- black leggings with an electric blue fitted shirt and a crazy, floral patterned blazer- but then neither did her hair, which was white blonde with bright pink coursing through every other strand. Her makeup was wild and erratic, blue and black like her outfit, with a shocking pink lip pierced with a ring right through its centre. If Willam hadn’t known who she was, she would never have guessed that this was Bianca’s opposite number- “Acid” Betty Ruhren, so-called because she had a reputation for corroding anyone who happened to get on the wrong side of her via the media. Everyone except Bianca, that is, who she seemed to hold a kind of respect for. They were in the same game, and Betty seemed to recognise this, so Bianca had never ended up in the press. Now, however, she didn’t seem to look particularly happy. Decidedly acidic, Willam thought.

“Elizabeth, how wonderful of you to join us. Should I pile us all in to the control room? Your advisors are in there now, I feel it would really add to the party atmosphere,” Bianca smiled acridly. She looked as if she was making to add something, but Betty cut right in.

“Don’t give me that shit. You’re here to cause trouble.”

Bianca glared at her. “You’re here to save your own ass, and I know exactly what you’re trying to cover up.”

Betty’s eyes shot from Bianca’s face to the phone in her hand, the cogs clearly turning in her brain. There was a beat of silence, in which Willam could hear Milk’s voice from the studio.

“…and has them working more days, know your facts before you start tearing others down. Phi Phi O’Hara, quite a serious accusation there from Julie in Brighton-”

Bianca gave a small smile of satisfaction as Betty’s face darkened.

“Julie from Brighton. Is that what you’re going by these days?”

“I don’t know. It’s a whole lot better than having the same nickname as a main ingredient of bile,” Bianca shrugged, whipping her head round quickly as the door to the control room swung open and Detox and Roxxxy flew out.

“Betty, we didn’t think it would get out as fast as it did,” Roxxxy began, her eyes wide with panic as she addressed the spin doctor. Bianca nonchalantly handed Detox her phone back. Guiltily and silently, Detox slid it back into her bag, at once knowing full well what had happened. Completely oblivious to the exchange, Betty addressed Roxxxy calmly.

“It’s under control. Just go back in and make sure Phi doesn’t choke on her own tongue or some shit like that. I’ve got business out here to attend to,” she said forebodingly. Roxxxy cast a side glance at Willam before slinking back into the control room, Detox following behind her like a disgraced puppy. The door swung shut behind the two advisors. At once business-like again, Betty took one large step towards Bianca.

“You know what would go down horribly on your end? If I go to the press about the prostitutes that lovely John from the Ministry of Justice has been renting out like fucking Blockbuster DVDs every Saturday night. Somehow I think that would kick up a bit of a fuss, don’t you?”

“A man taking his sister out for dinner on a weekly basis- yes, his sister!- is actually a lovely wholesome tale that I’m sure the press would consider a non-story. What wouldn’t be considered a non-story is your not-so-lovely Anthony from your education department getting a bit too enthusiastic slapping his wife about, fucking gave her a black eye?”

Betty bristled as Courtney’s expression grew horrified. “That was a domestic accident, Bianca, and you know it.”

“Domestic accident, oh what, because he’s got hands the size of fucking flatpack wardrobes?” Bianca shot back incredulously.

“Yes, a domestic accident. What about Jade Jolie’s domestic accident, the one she got from sleeping around a little too much over at Richmond Terrace? Three potential Dads, but none of them her actual fucking husband, I reckon that would be a bit of a PR disaster for your party!”

“It wouldn’t be a PR disaster because- that is a fucking crock of shit!” Bianca laughed, rolling her eyes. Willam was in awe. It was as if the two spin doctors had quite forgotten she and Courtney were both there, and now here they were, caught in the crossfire of some form of smear war. Bianca was still going. “However, I have a photo, that I can get blown up to canvas size, of your shadow defence minister coming out of the toilets at Nobu with his nose covered in cocaine! What’s your defence to that going to be, eh? ‘Oh well you know Nigel, he’s just a really keen baker!’”

“I have tweets I can take down to Snappy Snaps and get blown up to fucking charity cheque size, from the account of your foreign secretary, except he doesn’t really seem to like foreign people all that much judging by the incredibly unironic use of the n word like punctuation in every 140 characters!”

“Your party’s been getting a lot of positive coverage by the Guardian recently, does that have anything to do with the new editor, you know, the one with the huge hair and the eyeliner? I’ve heard stories of you skulking around Camden recently, Betty, and I never really thought that was your scene? Or am I wrong?”

“DON’T FUCKING-” Betty raised her voice very suddenly as she momentarily forgot where she was, clearly having had a nerve hit. Darting her eyes from Courtney to Willam, she gave Bianca a sheepish glance, who in turn was looking at her as if she’d just won a third world war. Betty took one very laborious breath.

“Look,” she began, her voice much quieter. “How about this. We both issue a statement, saying that neither of our girls were in full possession of the facts. But both parties are in the process of employing a new company, and we’re going to be focusing on our stance towards a fairer working wage in the coming weeks.”

Respect seemingly regained, Bianca seemed to become less tense. “You carry on like that and I might not find you so grossly fucking reprehensible.”

Sniffing and then giving a little nod, Betty let go a breath she had been holding. As the atmosphere quietened, Willam became aware of Milk’s theme song playing, signalling the end of the programme. The studio door opened and out emerged a wearied-looking Dan Donigan, a Phi Phi with a face like thunder, and a Sharon that looked as if she’d been put through a wash and dry cycle. Ignoring Bianca, Willam and Courtney, she simply turned and walked towards the lifts.

The only thing she said into the echoing of the corridor was simply, “I need a fucking bath, my vibrator, and fifty tramadol.”

Same, was Willam’s only thought, as Roxxxy and Detox skulked out of the control room and off down towards the exit. They seemed to be holding hands, and Willam thought briefly about her theory from earlier.

“Well, all’s well that ends well,” Bianca raised her eyebrows sarcastically, making to head towards the green room. “Good work today, Courtney. Willam- step your shit up.”

Willam wanted to kick herself as Bianca walked off towards the exit. Turning on her heel, she slowly made her way towards the bathroom and couldn’t help but wonder if the sinks would be big enough to drown herself in after this utter turd of a day.

***

As Willam slung her bag over her right shoulder and winced slightly under its weight, she turned to leave and jumped a little when she saw a silent Courtney in the doorway of the green room. She looked a little embarrassed and slightly nervous about the fact she was there. The gentle hum of the omnipresent radio in the background and the quiet tick of the clock were the only ones to speak.

“Hey,” Courtney began nervously, smiling slightly as she took one small step forward. “That was really great, what you did today.”

“What we did,” Willam corrected her, not really sure what tone to take so deciding to keep things neutral. For a moment Courtney was silent, tucking a little strand of hair behind her ear awkwardly and exposing a hint of a pink blush.

Finally she let out a big sigh and began talking. “Look Willam, I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting recently. I’ve been a massive dick for not really much good reason and it’s not okay.”

The first reaction Willam had was one of total, complete, all-encompassing relief. Courtney wasn’t mad at her anymore, or was never mad at her to begin with. She still wanted to be friends, maybe even something more. Well, Willam couldn’t really get her hopes up all that high, but she was still slightly euphoric that Courtney was finally okay with her again and right now anything seemed possible. Noticing how Courtney was still shyly waiting for her response, Willam broke into a smile.

“C’mere, you stupid bitch,” she snorted, opening her arms in a hug whilst deciding she couldn’t break free from the platonic realm just yet. With relief washing over Courtney’s face, she stumble-ran into Willam’s arms, hugging her tightly in a way that made Willam’s heart swell. All at once she knew the old Courtney was back.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured again into Willam’s hair, and Willam privately thanked God for this little moment of reconciliation.

“Come on, you know I don’t hold grudges. Well, not against my friends.”

“You have every right to, though.”

“Well, I’m not going to. So stop worrying,” Willam muttered back, acutely aware that Courtney hadn’t yet shifted from Willam’s arms, seemingly not going anywhere anytime soon. “Are you alright though? Anything you want to talk about?”

Suddenly Courtney became unstuck and pulled away from the hug, pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands self-consciously. “Yeah…no, I’m fine. Just was struggling with something for a couple weeks. You know, a kind of inner battle?”

As Courtney laughed awkwardly, Willam indulged her with a nod, still not entirely sure what she was referring to. She was happy, though, that whatever Courtney had been struggling with was clearly over. She decided to change topic altogether.

“So, Alyssa’s next week. You still going?”

Courtney smiled. “Yeah, ‘course. If only to stop Sharon getting completely wrecked and vomiting on the shoes of the PM’s wife, or something equally Sharon-esque.”

“I think it’ll be fun. Running around after her and cleaning up her mess like she’s a toddler. How else would you want to spend a Saturday night?”

Willam delighted in the way Courtney’s face scrunched up as she laughed, concluding that it was probably the thing she’d missed most of all about her. Glancing at the clock, she realised that it was past nine.

“Listen, it’s getting late. Do you want to share a cab back? I think Sharon was so done with today she’s probably just taken the car and fucked off,” she laughed a little, holding back a quip about Alaska after remembering yet again that that wasn’t public knowledge just yet. It would be eventually, of course. Nothing could stay secret forever. Looking back at Courtney and her face all lit up in a smile, she reconsidered. Maybe some things could. As Courtney simply nodded twice in affirmation, Willam walked forward and, deciding to fuck platonic intent to one side, threaded an arm through Courtney’s. She didn’t pull away, and as the two made their way to the exit of these godforsaken studios, Willam realised she was leaving work without a heavy heart for the first time in over a fortnight.

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