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makima4ever · 8 months

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Dissonance (2.5)

I HATE THIS SM WHY IS IT SHORTENING MY POSTS? it could be my internet but this IS INFURIATINGG TW WARNINGS: hinted depression, vomiting blood, over all sad boi hours READ AT UR OWN DISCRETION GUYS PLS angst (i promise it gets better over time), amnesia!!! i still suck at writing accents, pls do not bully me!! Ghost x M!Reader 1, 2, Part 2.5, 3 Your gravelly and tired voice broke and cut through the silence like a hot knife in butter with underlying horror behind the meaning of those words. You.. had no idea who they were, as your idle form continued to stand there as the majority of their expressions shifted. They probably already knew, but it was.. in denial? What happened to you?

"Wha' do ye' mean ye' don't know us? Ye've been with us for years, mate!" The mohawk man exclaimed rather intrusively as the loud voice affected your ears slightly as you weren't fully awake just yet. God, did they sedate you are you just this sore?? You couldn't quite fully comprehend and grasp the situation- causing you to rub your own eyes in irritation from the light blinding you. - He was just so.. shocked. At a loss for words as he shook you, trying to see if you'd remember something, well by shaking you over and over made you not only disoriented but rather irked, scrunching your left eye as the tall man yanks the Scottish man away harshly.. "Soap, blood hell, keep your fucking hands off your Lieutenant." 'So that's the name of the man?' You continued to take in essential parts of the conversation as you heard 'Lieutenant'. You were a LT? That shocked you, mainly because all you could remember is being transferred to a new squad and then waking up here. All of this was so confusing to keep track of. "Ghost, he doesn't even remember us! Do ye expect me to calm down?!" Okay, Soap was not having it as saying he was slightly agitated was an understatement at the very LEAST. His eyes were burning holes into the man who was dubbed Ghost. At least you got names which they.. never gave. You had to figure that part out yourself. You constantly stole glances at Ghost, watching them argue and bicker like children. Although, you did acknowledge the tension, you could feel something in your heart and throat as you looked at Ghost and the group, but you had no idea what it was. ..! You could feel something rising to the back of your throat quickly, as you bit on your tongue- staggering back while holding the door frame as the sudden movement across the floor made it audible. Your left hand went to your mouth, holding back something as you could taste something.. metallic? You didn't even notice your knees giving out into a kneel while trying to hold back something. The sensation of large hands held your back and chest as your throat threatened to spill the contents.. The hands were.. comforting. They held this soft warmth which you leaned into while trying to hold back something. Alas, it was not enough as you puked up a mixture of blood and bile as you gripped the doorframe, spewing out an large amount of blood through your hands while desperately trying to cover it. "Someone get a bloody fucking medic! Hol' on, you'll be okay.. Don't fucking stand there!" There was a really loud voice booming as you could hear all the little scuttling of feet and boots clacking against the ground in hasty movement, as you faded in and out of consciousness again. You could feel warmth as your body felt cold, which you snuggled into lightly, uncaring of where it came from as it lulled you to a soft sleep.. " You'll be okay, stay with me luv'. " A/N i hate my life; tumblr stop cutting out my WORKS im gonna have a break down ISTG..

#cod x male reader #ghost x male reader #mw2 x male reader #ghost simon riley x male reader #ghost x gn reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x gn reader #simon riley x male reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x male reader #ghost mw2 #ghost cod

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joheunsaram · 2 years

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Discord Discourse (knj)

summary- Kim Namjoon likes to spend time in a discord server... dedicated to him. With new friends and a budding crush, will he ever be able to truly be himself without revealing who he is?

word count- 2.8k

pairing- idol!Namjoon x fanfic writer!Reader

rating- PG15

genre- internet relationships, s2(maybe)lovers, angst, fluff, slightly smutty

warnings- pretty angsty, a little sexting but not actual sexting, superficial conversations portrayed as deep (lol im sorry I didn’t want to make this too long), infatuation, open ending, talks of a daddy kink

a.n.- this was not supposed to Joon’s bday drabble but it somehow ended up so lol. this is for all my fic writers out there. please don’t hate me for what the reader did... there may or may not be another part in the works oops lol

Thanks to the beautiful @raplinesmoon for helping me brainstorm, beta and fix the ending!!

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

- Kim Namjoon had a bad habit.

It wasn’t like watching too much porn, although it was somewhat like that. It wasn’t googling himself to read comments on his videos, although it was somewhat like that. It wasn’t talking to his fans incognito, although it was exactly like that.

Sitting in his room, in his boxers, he had all the lights off. His eyes were fixated on his screen, two fingers hovering over the touchpad of his laptop as he scrolled periodically. He pushed his glasses back, his face luminated by the blue light of his screen and swallowed, ignoring the way his stomach knotted and his face heated.

Kim Namjoon had a bad habit. And it all started when he joined a random discord server named after his studio. Of course he never revealed himself. To the unsuspecting largely female members, he was John, an autocorrect happenstance that granted him his anonymity. Not that anyone would believe he was him anyway. Not in these circles.

He thought it would be cute to interact with his fans when his new solo song came out, a way to practice his English. He wanted to know their reactions and their criticisms without the love. Little did he know that all he would get was affection and that affection would not only feed his dwindling ego but give him a dopamine rush that had become so addictive it had his heart racing every time a notification popped on his phone.

monolover: omgggggg did you see joon in the new mv???? I’m fucking dying! moonchild: yes I want to lick his whole body! GODDAMN HES PERFECT!!! joonsbicycle: honestly if he’s not getting every inch of his body worshipped rn whats even the point of life? moonlover: I volunteer as tribute! God the things I would let that man do to me!!!

He chuckled at the thread, lower lip caught between his teeth and looked around his dark room. The silence in the air was deafening. He liked his home. He was proud of his collection, making it look like an art museum, beautiful and untouchable. The wooden accents and the plush furniture was comforting but they felt cold.

There was no one there to worship his body. There was no one even there to kiss him. Which is why this was a bad habit. He shouldn’t be getting happy sucked into this small world of eight women who had somehow unlocked more kinks in him than should be possible. And he really shouldn’t be holding his breath when your name showed that you were typing.

It was unhealthy to be almost in love with someone who he didn’t even know. Yet when your message popped up, his heart skipped a beat and his boxers got tighter.

yn: if namjoons sitting alone rn it’s a crime!!! I would be on my knees in front of him marking those thighs fuckkk. yn: speaking of! new super smutty fic is out reblog for good skin lol I really hope he never finds my blog he would be traumatized.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” Namjoon whispered as he stared into the dark abyss in front of him, imagining you crawling towards him, your lips travelling up his legs, your teeth leaving indentations between the muscles.

When he first joined the server, he had been immediately drawn to you. Perhaps it was because he had joined right after he posted about his plans for opening a gallery and the first thing he saw was your in depth analysis on an artist you admired but he had never heard of. It made him eager to post about art too and gave him the push to step away from his nerves and talk. He expected to be told that he was boring and that nobody cared. He was used to that. But the server was inviting, asking questions and letting him soliloquize about paint strokes and abstractions. They welcomed him with open arms without knowing who he was, especially you.

You asked him probing questions that made him think, re-evaluate his stances, and then you turned out to be something out of his wet dreams. The more time he spent on the server, he realized it wasn’t just a place to discuss his and his team’s music and accomplishments. It was a place where they also discussed how attractive he was. In full uncensored detail.

After only a month, he had read every single work of fiction you had created, all of them featuring him. The other members of the server were writers too, but somehow he only found your works alluring. The first thing he read was a whopping ninety thousand word story about heartbreak and love and perseverance. It had him tearing up with his character, a broken man who worked a dead end job.

He had praised it and the moment you told him it was supposed to be an anti capitalist piece, he read it all over again. This time he caught the nuances and critiques of a system he hated and was a part of — just like the Namjoon in the story. You had never met him, yet his fictional self made all the decisions he would make, felt the things he would feel, and after a really long time, he felt like he was seen. His fictional self wasn’t an idol, he wasn’t famous or beloved. He was just himself and it made his longing for a normal life seem… well, normal.

With time, he used your stories to teleport himself into worlds he wouldn’t experience, into situations he would never be in, and he felt alive. Seeing himself from your eyes made him feel incredible, invincible, even if you were practically a stranger.

So without any further ado, he clicked the link you sent and lost himself in a new world. A world where he was apparently a sex god that could make you cum six times in a row. He was hard by the time he finished the short story, and then he read it again, wanting to memorize the moves you so desired. He knew he would never meet you in real life. He had been lucky but he would never get that lucky. Yet he did it, stroking himself as he imagined how you would sound. Your female characters always whimpered when teased and moaned his name breathily. Would he ever get to hear you whimper?

As if reading his mind, you sent him a message.

yn: don’t get too turned on reading the new story. I want you to figure out the hidden meaning 🤪 john: what hidden message is in jisoo calling Namjoon daddy? yn: john we all know you love when I call Namjoon daddy in my fics lol but look deeper 👀 john: it’s only cause it seems like your characters love saying daddy. Anything you wanna confess babe? yn: ughhhhh I hate that you all know my kinks because of this!!! tell me when you see it

Namjoon read the piece again, ignoring how turned on he was to find nuances, and then he read the description of the room, a description he had skimmed over to get to the good parts. How did he miss that?

john: theyre fucking in prison?! john: WHY IS NAMJOON IN PRISON?! john: I thought you said he would be a good guy! He’s always a good guy in your fics!!! yn: don’t get all emo on me. He could be falsely imprisoned lol yn: but nah I put him in prison as an allegory. Like how life can feel like you’re caged in but you forget about that feeling if you have someone you love by your side. yn: ugh I hate explaining stuff makes me feel like a belong on r/verydeep HAHAHHA john: that’s actually fucking profound. Who knew porn could be art? 😝 yn: sex with me is always art thank you very much john: yeah I bet it is, baby. I wouldn’t mind you calling me daddy anytime.

Namjoon blinked as soon as he registered what he had sent, his heart pounding in panic. He had always had these thoughts about you. He never thought he would tell you any of them. What was fucking wrong with him?! Did he really think a few flirting comments from you gave him free reign to sext! God he was like the terrible men on Tinder, just a testosterone filled Neanderthal focused on sex. Fuck!

yn: as hot as I find out intellectual discourse I really wouldn’t sext with a stranger. you could be like twelve for all I know

Namjoon perked up at the message. You technically didn’t say you didn’t want to, just that you wouldn’t. Perhaps he stood a semblance of a chance when it came to you. Perhaps all the texting and subtle flirting made you like him too.

john: as a matter of fact I turned 28 today. so I’m definitely not twelve yn: ha you’ve been reading too many of my fics your bday really the same as Joons?

Oh… he hadn’t thought through about this piece of information. Of course you knew when your favourite celebrity’s birthday was! But hey a lot of people have birthdays at the same time.

john: virgins unite baby john: VIRGOS! I MEANT VIRGOS! yn: lmfao not helping your case john: how do I prove I’m of age yn: honestly idk yn: guess no sexting for us. rip. john: well… what if we do a voice chat? john: not that I just want to sext you! john: it’ll just be nice to hear your voice and get to know you better yn: ha I’m not going to sext you daddy 🤣 yn: but sure I like talking to you (yn calling)

Namjoon’s eyes widened at the screen, his throat dry. He hasn’t expected this easy acquiescence. He thought you would just blow him off, but after months of daily chats he should’ve anticipated that you’d be comfortable enough to chat with him. Taking a deep breath, he clicked the little green phone to pick up.

“Hello.”

“Hey! Wow, your voice is really deep. Somehow even though your name is John I expected a girl,” you giggled and it was a rush of endorphins tapped right into his veins. Your voice was nothing like he imagined. Where he thought of you to have a high pitched, slightly princess-ey tone, your real voice was lower, an alto with a rasp that made him weak. He wanted to listen to it everyday.

“So does this prove I’m not a twelve year old?” he teased, hiding his nerves with a confident bravado you preferred in the fictional Namjoon.

“Nah. But I really want to talk about this book I’m reading because it’s so funny and dumb in the best way and I could care less how old you were,” you replied. He chuckled as you launched into a rant about this romance series you were reading about a group of men who read romance to solve their romantic problems. Namjoon lost himself a little in the similarities between himself and the plot. Wasn’t he also reading romance to mold himself into a perfect man, albeit he was trying to woo the author herself, but still. However as you continued, he thought about how exceptionally stupid it was for him to even attempt to seek out something other than friendship with you.

It wasn’t as if he could just ask you out and take you on a date. He couldn’t hold your hand or kiss you under the lamplight of a rain soaked street. He only knew your first name and if your accent was any indication, you most likely didn’t live anywhere near him. Should he really try to start something if he knew for a fact that he couldn’t give you the romance that he knew you wished for?

Decision made, his nerves eased and he listened to your rants, discussing the novel he had never read. He couldn’t let his heart get involved. If you love someone, set them free, isn’t that what they said? Well he would set you free to meet the guy of your dreams. You didn’t actually like him, you had mentioned to him time and time again that the Namjoon in your stories wasn’t based of off the real one, and other than light teasing, you had made no indication that you thought his alter ego ‘John’ was up to your standards either. No matter which persona he was, he didn’t fit you, so for the sake of the only freeing friendship he had, he decided it was better not to complicate things.

At least until you said your next words.

“Want to hear about my next story? I think I’m going to write my first idol fic. Something about the loneliness of fame, of how isolating it seems,” you pondered out loud, and Namjoon hated how much he already related to the story.

“Tell me about it. Fame fucking sucks,” he commented, momentarily forgetting his disguise.

“Are you famous, John?” you asked, a teasing grin visible over the line, making Namjoon contemplate whether to come clean. At 3am, his impulsivity was at an all time high so without any forethought of consequences, he hit the camera icon.

The screen split into two, the left side showing his dark room before he clicked on his bedside lamp. The bright light blinded him momentarily, his hand automatically rubbing his eye before he sheepishly looked at the camera. He heard nothing from you but could see your icon showing you were still on the call.

“Hi… umm I guess I’m kinda famous,” he said, laughing uncomfortably. The longer the silence went on, the more his nerves clawed at him, making him flush so deeply, he wished he could turn back time.

“What… the… fuck?”

He heard you whisper before the call disconnected. Staring at the chat, he tried to overcome the sudden wave of dejection at your rejection. It was a logical response. You had said multiple times you wished he never read your works, of course you were taken aback to learn about him, about who he really was. He should give you some time to catch up.

But patience was never Namjoon’s strong suit, so he messaged almost immediately.

john: please say something

You didn’t reply for an hour even when your icon had a tiny green circle next to it, indicating that you were still there.

yn: I am really really sorry about all the fics and the rude comments. I really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and I apologize if these conversations were creepy or disturbing. Just know that you are a great source of inspiration for me and I hope you keep making amazing music for me and other fans. Thank you so much for your hard work. I will delete my blog if you like and I won’t bother you again, john. yn: I mean Namjoon. yn: really sorry again. yn: also happy birthday!

Namjoon stared at his screen cursing at himself for ruining almost a year long friendship for a moment of loneliness. You had said you made him uncomfortable but he was sure that if anyone was uncomfortable it was you. Bracing himself, he decided to answer the only way he knew how. Honestly.

john: Please don’t apologize. You have never made me uncomfortable Y/N. Please believe me. I really do enjoy your stories and talking to you. I would consider us friends if you’d have me.

As soon as he pressed enter he got a response. Only it wasn’t one he was expecting.

Your message could not be delivered. This is usually because you don't share a server with the recipient or the recipient is only accepting direct messages from friends. You can see the full list of reasons here: https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/360060145013

His hands shook as he wrote another message only to get the same message in return. After a year of friendship it seemed that he should’ve just hid his true self after all. Shutting his laptop, fell onto his back on the bed, lying to himself that he was okay and that it didn’t hurt.

Opening your blog on his phone, he was relieved to see it still up. Heart pounding in a last ditch effort, he raced to send you a message. Copy pasting his earlier words from discord, he hoped that this time they reached you.

He was ecstatic when the script under his text changed from delivered to seen, his heart soaring in the effervescence of hope. You never replied back, at least not till his eyes were scratchy from staring at the screen and his lids were heavy from sleep.

Kim Namjoon had a bad habit. But if he could salvage his friendship with you, he had no intentions of breaking it.

taglist - @awhnamjoon @alpacaseoks @raplinesmoon @codeinebelle @aislinnstanaka@miscelunaaa @moonchild1 @shydestinyyouth @itsjaneeet @piecesofapril11@yoontaethings @jeonyreads @pb-n-juju @everythingaboutfangirling @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997

Thank you for reading this fic! If you liked it, please tell me your thoughts. I appreciate your feedback!

Please reblog and check out more stories on my masterlist <3

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givemearmstopraywith · 5 months

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hey, absolutely no disrespect meant here, but i noticed in one post you referred to yourself as a jew, and in another said you were censoring g-d out of respect to your family's jewish heritage, which you are exploring. amongst all this, you are clearly a christian. are you jewish or not? if you are not personally jewish, i really don't think you should be referring to yourself as a jew in a post where you claim christian theology (jesus being g-d) is true.

instead of sending me asks like this, can you maybe google what it means to be jewish, or what it means to be a jew? there is a wikipedia page about this. that way i don't i have to repeatedly unpack my generational trauma on the internet for (literally) thousands of strangers? the search function on my blog is broken- fine, but i have talked about this a lot, repeatedly, in the time i've had this blog, and it is not something i feel comfortable divulging openly. nor should i have to- nor should i have to worry about my identity being policed by strangers. this ask is worded with a certain tone of well-meaning authority, which is fine, i understand, and i am not mad at you, nor do i think you are trying to come across as harsh. i appreciate that you took the time to send this because it shows well-meaning concern. but this tone of authority comes from somewhere. where is it coming from? if you do not already know how i can be a jew and talk about christian theology, then you don't have the authority to question my identity, because questioning that means you must have no prior knowledge of the history of the jews whatsoever, about religious versus ethnic identity, the history of forced conversions to which jews have been subject, the necessity for religious and cultural assimilation, and so on.

whether you intend this or not- and i don't think you do, insomuch as i think you are genuinely well-meaning and don't want to harm or offend me personally- the wording of your question demands, implicitly, that i need to unpack both my personal ethnic and religious history, as well as that of my family. i am either lying about being a jew or i am not qualified to talk about my own identity because i must be christian, or i am not qualified to talk about christianity because im a jew. both of those things, being jewish and christian, of which i am both and neither because i am an ethnic jew who has not been baptized but studies christianity theology, are fraught with generational trauma and a certain concept of privilege, in the sense that a non-jew would never be asked to justify their connection to judaism versus their connection to christianity, because non-jews are not subjected to the same level of biopolicing that jews historically have been. a non-jew can move in and out of the spaces of judaism and christianity at will. whether i practice judaism or i practice christianity, whether i get a rhinoplasty or change my name, whether i censor g-d or type out the name in full, i will always be a jew. someone who is not ethnically jewish can convert to judaism from christianity and leave christianity behind in full, but i cannot opt out of being a jew, nor can any jew. centuries of ethnic cleansing have cemented this as fact.

if jewish people- who practice judaism or who are non-practicing ethnic jews- want to criticize what i talk about they are welcome to, but i have yet to encounter any jews who do, on or offline.

to make it clear again: i don't have a problem with you specifically, but i've had this blog for nearly six years, i have been studying theology for four of those years, and every so often i get a bunch of messages like this that parrot the exact same questions i get asked by other christians in my theology program that very, very genuinely can be answered by googling "what is a jew?" rather than telling me how i should refer to myself. and i am kinda tired of it! i am kinda tired.

#most of the jews i know are non practicing and/or christian and i shouldnt need to explain the intricacies of my identity every single time #i think about formally converting to judaism #replies #like you just dont have these kind of conversations when you are not on the internet

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natasha-in-space · 5 months

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Hey im the matsuda enjoyer anon who pointed out that he and yoosung are basically the same guy.

I cant help but imagine......what if they met, i mean in the age of social media its not impossible. While I dont think matsuda was a gamer but he was very much into pop culture and so is yoosung.

What if they both unite over their love for a certain kpop group (in my head its Girls Generation) and become internet friends

I can imagine after the good ending yoosung prolly might go to japan a couple of times for work related stuff or just to enjoy with MC (and drag seven with him as well)

What if the now mid-late 20s yoosung (who is a vet) meets the now early 40s matsuda (who is still a cop but is confined to desk jobs cuz the task force was tired of his shenanigans). What if they decide to share a drink and eventually have a long conversation. What if they start their talks by talking about their shared interest and eventually ending up venting after realising that they had been through a similar journey (being infantilised by their friend groups grief low self esteem yet keeping an optimistic outlook in life) and perhaps share advices to each other whilst being drunk which struck a chord in each other's heart.

I can see matsuda being an older man advising yoosung but i could also see yoosung (who has accomplished a lot in a short time despite his own struggles with loss grief and of course the eye injury) advicing matsuda. Both of them reassuring each other that it will get better (bye im crying)

Good to see you back Matsuda anon! I must say, this ask made me grin so wide as I was reading it. I adore it when people make two of their faves meet and become friends. It's such a sweet notion, both as a way of expressing your shared love for these characters, as well as a neat basis for new interesting analysis. (It's my own guilty pleasure as well, hehe)

Meeting someone who understands what it's like to struggle with grief, conflicting feelings about someone who was once very important to them, and the frustration of never being taken seriously due to their young age would benefit them both greatly. While they both must have overcome the last problem by that point, discussing it with someone who understands can still be very cathartic.

Having a good friend who can make Yoosung feel comfortable and understood is something he deserves. It's also heartwarming to think of Matsuda becoming a new kind of role model for Yoosung! Not on the same level as it was with Rika, but just as a figure of strength and motivation for him, when things are tough. Having friends who are older than you can be a very beneficial experience as you are moving through life!

And as for Matsuda... It'll definitely do him some good to have someone with whom he can openly discuss what he had to go through. Sure, he has a few people like that, but none that can actually fully relate on a deeper level. I also think he'd be super impressed by Yoosung. By all that he managed to overcome and achieve in his (relatively) young age. His determination to better himself and to protect his loved ones, him finding (or rather resurrecting) his passion for his own path in life, and him resolving what conflicting feelings he still held for Rika... It's so much, and it's-

It's inspiring.

I know I said that Matsuda can become a new role model for Yoosung, but it goes the other way around as well! Having these talks with the younger vet can greatly motivate Matsuda to work on himself further and pursue what he truly wants. It's never too late to restore your happiness. It's rather sweet to think about, actually. Two people who share similar painful experiences planting fresh seeds of hope into one another that everything is going to be okay. As you put it: it will get better.

On a lighter note, the thought of them being fans of the same girl groups makes me giggle. (Them going to a Girls Generation concern??? More likely than you'd think! Although Saeyoung will definitely tag along and create some mischief) I feel like they both are still struggling with openly expressing their likes and interests, as they got teased for that in the past, so it'll be very beneficial to them to have a safe space to chatter excitedly about this or that, without fear of being judged. Being passionate about something is not a bad thing, and should be celebrated! On that note, they will definitely send each other exclusive merch and buy each other tickets for events. There are some benefits to having a friend in a different country!

Overall, it's nice to think of these two being good buddies. It's what they deserve. And I love reading your thoughts on them! :)

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #yoosung kim #kim yoosung #mystic messenger yoosung #anon #this makes me want to discuss my own faves meeting one another hhhhh #i unironically ship saeyoung and leon - in this essay i will-

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butchviking · 1 year

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could you elaborate on your idea of treating dysphoria with therapy. i guess you don't have it figured out yet because if you did you would've already therapied the dysphoria out of yourself. but like. what are your ideas? where do you think dysphoria comes from? how could one fix it with therapy? conversion therapy gets a bad rep, how different or similar is your idea of fixing dysphoria with therapy from the spooky idea people have of conversion therapy? anything else you want add

oh i sure the fuck don't have it figured out. i have no kind of education or training or qualifications in anything like that i am just another dysphoric dyke on the internet. i just wish anyone who IS in that field seemed 2 b listening lol

so im not aware of any standardised therapy to target dysphoria in any way, but ive known & heard from soooo many detrans/desisted/reidentified/etc women that therapy has either hugely helped w their dysphoria or in some cases they've been able to eliminate it entirely. a lot of the time ppl talk like dysphoria is smthn that is just ingrained into you as a person, something you're born with and something that - unless u transition - u will eventually die with. but that's not true! there are often very real causes that can be found out and dealt with. fr example a lot of women have identified the main cause of their dysphoria to be childhood trauma, often abuse and very often sexual abuse (it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this would lead to someone hating/resenting/feeling wrong in/being disgusted by their body. doesn't take a genius to figure out why they'd want to be male instead.) and i mean. listen talking with a group of women anyway there's usually a lot of trauma. but talking with a group of transmascs is like. jesus fucking christ there is so often so much awful shit that has happened to them. (in fact this def applies to transwomen too tbh, ive known a looot of transwomen w a history of sexual abuse. not as many as transmen but definitely higher than the general male population). physical abuse (or witnessing the physical abuse of a mother) can be another cause; that feeling of never wanting to be a scared helpless little girl again and wanting to be strong and able to defend yourself - things that are usually associated w men. these thoughts aren't usually conscious, its not like u think "i want to be a man bc i blame my body for what was done to me and i feel like if i could get out of my skin and be something more powerful i'd be safe and happy" - but thats what ppl often find out in therapy, and after coming 2 terms w that they find they don't have to take it out on themselves anymore and they manage to make peace with their body.

for a lot of women their dysphoria was caused by simple social restriction - ive no doubt in my mind that a huge reason for mine is not being able to be topless in public or have my shirt unbuttoned or jesus christ even just. just fucking EXIST without them having to be an ISSUE. i weaned myself off binding years ago and for a long time i managed 2 get to a place where i didnt even think abt my chest that much. and then some guy makes one comment abt how i never wear bras and its like. oh god i had tried to forget that you people can SEE them. and that sent me into a lil spiral for like a month lol 👍 pair that w going to mcr nj and forgetting to wear a bra the first night and finding my movement severely restricted due to not wanting my tits flying everywhere and i came back from that trip like. can someone just fuciing cut them off. (mcr PLEASE stop transing my gender im not strong enough...) (actually i was going to say that after that trip i wore a binder for the first time in years but i think im getting my timeline mixed up. i think that was before the show actually. bc i distinctly remember that i packed it for the trip 'just in case' and that was after i'd already worn it once around the house & once to a wedding) and obviously idk what the solution is for me there but i think a combination of therapy & lifestyle changes could help me get at least somewhere. i know that for other women lifestyle changes have been a huge factor - living & being around only women has been so healing fr a lot of detrans/dysphoric ladies & ive read some really moving things abt the impact going to womyns land has had fr some. misogyny in general can really wear down how u feel abt ur body over time, without u ever necessarily attributing your feelings to that. and when i say 'misogyny' im also including the simple existence of gender in that! to be born and to be separated into a category based on your body and to have that be something thats supposed to dictate how you live your entire life - you have a vagina so you have to wear this and act like this and people will have these expectations of u and you're limited by these restrictions and if you step out of line, if u dont do femininity or dont do it well enough, you will be punished. by god of course u grow to hate your body and your role in the world. of course u wish u could be a man and just fucking. live and breathe and exist without all these stupid fucking made-up rules & requirements! for a lot of ppl, recognising that & recognising that the problem doesn't lie with them, but with a society that made them feel that way, is huge. & after that realisation they can begin a process of forgiving their body. turning the blame out from where they've internalised it. & this is definitely why so many detrans/desisted/reidentified women get so hard into feminism. that's what brought me to radblr in the first place & started my own process of reidentification!

now obv i can't cover every possible cause of dysphoria here bc its as many & varied as ppl are. and listen im on mobile so i cant see how long this is but jesus christ i know it must be fucking long. and its still going to get much longer! so there is one last obvious cause of dysphoria that no-one likes to talk abt, but which is probably THE most concretely linked: being gay! for at LEAST hundreds of years (im sure there are some ladies around here who could attest to older sources tbh, it could be millenia for all i know) lesbians have written about feeling like they're a man's soul in a woman's body. sexual inversion theory was the default belief for how and why people were homosexual for a long, long time. and that theory is so completely alive and well. im not even going to say any more on this one. it's obvious and i think almost every single butch lesbian (& plenty of non-butch lesbians) feels this at SOME point. the proportion of homosexuals in the transgender population is definitely higher than in the general population. however even if ur het that can induce dysphoria too, cause u get ppl who say they don't want to date men as a woman, they want to do it as a man - which a lot of ppl put down to gay fetishisation but i don't think its all about that. i think its abt wanting to be on equal footing. so no-one is safe really!

ok. so what is the difference between this and conversion therapy. conversion therapy in my mind is smthn that seeks to 'correct' your behaviour/identity, rather than smthn with the goal of alleviating distress. like i don't think any of the stuff ive talked abt should b done w the goal of making someone not identify as trans anymore - idk identify how u want i guess. the identity isn't really the thing that matters. u don't even need to identify as trans in the first place for any of that stuff to b helpful - it's all abt lessening the distress u feel w ur own body. and the main thing 'trans conversion therapy' means 2 me is trying to force gender conformity on someone. like trying to get them to accept their assigned gender role. to get a gnc female who identifies as transmasc to ditch not only the identity but the gnc behaviours & presentation and accept their 'place' in the world as a woman. and gender (a word which to me is synonymous with the phrase 'gender roles' like they dont exist separately that is literally what gender is. its roles.) is my greatest enemy in the world FUCK gender and i don't ever ever think anyone should b forced to abide by it. i think it is the greatest evil on this planet. to me, the comparison of therapeutic dysphoria treatment to conversion therapy is like. say if someone was gay, and was severely distressed by being gay. they couldn't accept it and they hated it and they were depressed about it. this person would definitely benefit from therapy to help them ACCEPT the fact that they're gay and to help them feel comfortable with themselves about it. which is very very different from a 'therapy' which aims to make them not gay anymore. u know?

now im not going to pretend i know or even believe that everyone's dysphoria can be alleviated or erased with therapy. i have no idea how many ppl this would work for. maybe it would help 5% of ppl, maybe it would help 50%, or 95%. honest to god i have no idea. and sometimes figuring out the root causes of your dysphoria doesn't really do jack shit. there's a lot of things in my life i could point to that explain mine. but the trouble is that knowing that doesn't make it go away. it's a mental illness & it's as complicated & often stubborn as any other. chances are that therapy would help some ppl and not help others. and if u try it out & it doesn't help & u still think transition is the right path, then cool! if that's an informed choice and a medical risk/commitment you're willing to take then honestly i believe in giving ppl that right. but like i said the other day, the big thing is that without the OPTION of psychological treatment, there's really only the option of transition. well that's not tru actually, because some people do choose to simply live w their dysphoria, much as one might live w many other mental illnesses. i feel like that's also not an option spoken about often. u can actually just live with it. learn to manage it rather than try to cure it, let it ebb & flow. a lot of the time that will suck, but what mental illness doesn't? for many ppl, learning ways to manage & live w their dysphoria is a more sensible choice for their lifestyle than transition, which basically makes u a lifelong medical patient. for some ppl it's better than taking the health risks. sometimes u just gotta power thru.

anything else i want to add - yes, of course there is. there's a million things i could probably add. i could talk abt this for hours. actually i probably have bc i kept coming back 2 this on breaks at work so im sure ive put a couple of hrs into it by now. i didn't even mention eating disorders and how commonly comorbid they are w dysphoria; how it's all just different forms of body dysmorphia (but as many ppl have said, when an anorexic tells a doctor their body is wrong the doctor tell them no, your mind is wrong, and you need psychological treatment. not so with dysphoria.) the transwomen ive seen basically turn into plastic surgery addicts always seeking more and more changes bc they don't reach the end-point they'd imagined, where they're happy w their body now, bc the discomfort always came from inside their head and their body was never really the problem. the transmen who plan on just taking hormones but not getting top surgery, or vice versa, and then end up doing both AND getting phallo and often still finding themselves unsatisfied at the end. the unrealistic expectations people often have in the first place when starting transition, and the doctors who, instead of being realistic and helping patients to manage their expectations, promise the absolute world - leaving ppl completely mentally unprepared if things don’t go so well, where perhaps some therapy beforehand could have helped them accept what they’re getting into. the studies showing that although ppl REPORT being happier after transition, their life satisfaction scores on assessments aren't actually any higher than before. but i just got home and got to my computer and it turns out this reply is already. my god. over 2,000 words long. and holy shit even viewing it on desktop it’s enormous. so u gotta know when to quit i guess.

thank u so much for asking this. y’all know how much i love to talk abt this topic. i know everything is split into ‘sides’ on this sometimes, like it’s just some discourse, but it’s real people’s real lives and it’s so so important to me for everyone to see that. i want trans & dysphoric ppl to have more options, and to know about the options that they do have. there may not be any standardised dysphoria therapy but as i say, many women HAVE had life-changing results with other kinds of therapy, and there are many professionals out there who will absolutely work with you to the best of their ability if you want to get to the bottom of your dysphoria and come up with ways to lessen it or manage it. unfortunately, there are also many who will run for the hills because they don’t want to endanger their licence or reputation by being branded as conversion therapists. and i want feminists who see this as a solely political issue to see the humanity here and to recognise that dysphoria is a very real and often very debilitating mental illness that can’t always be cured by just explaining to someone that gender is made-up and bad. and no-one is a traitor to the female sex or an inherent misogynist for the choices they make to deal with that mental illness and live their happiest life.

and im. so sorry for all of ur dashboards. but hey, if u can scroll past 79 images per day of my chemical romance, then im sure u can scroll past this too if it’s of no interest to u. i hope not tho. if u read this all then god bless i am so thankful. everyone have a wonderful day <3 i am going to go have a nice big glass of mead bc it’s been a long night & all this thinking make hal head hurt. peace ✌️

#ask #anonymous #that's 2500 words. thats literally an entire essay. thats insane. llisten.. i just hve a lot of feelings ok :(#and. a lot of opinions.#trans #← tag just so i can find this in future. i spent so long on it i feel like i shouldnt let it just get lost in the archive lol

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roughentumble · 1 year

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also like im sorry. but the first time i heard the term "landback" and didnt know exactly what it entailed, i googled it, and the first thing i found said that its a term that no one really agrees how it should be enacted, or what it encompasses, or what it could entail precisely.

so yes. if you want to have an effective discussion about land back, you have to specifically talk about the version of it that you have in mind when you're advocating for it. because no one can agree on exactly what it looks like. and its different for every tribe and every area and even then there's still discussion within the tribe. which is fine! but it means there's no clear conversation to be had if youre not specific and you dont explain.

and im for land back!!! in all situations!! all of those different variables, im for all of them!!! but you literally cant be mad when someone says "ive never heard of that before, what would it mean for my daily life". would the laws change? the taxes? we dont trust cops around here, but what would it mean for fire fighter response? what about local government? who would i call for zoning issues, or is that not relevant to me once i've taken part in land back?

these arent malicious questions. these are normal questions to ask about how a massive shift would work. i dont care if youve gone over it with people in the community, people OUTSIDE the community havent heard the discussions. go over it with them so they understand what would happen. I THINK IT SHOULD HAPPEN. IT'S STILL GOOD TO DISCUSS LOGISTICS

god, the same shit happens with complete prison abolition, where people get so annoyed when you ask "what would society look like without prisons and how would we deal with crime and genuine harm done to others?"

they jump to saying "it isnt dealt with now! there's only 1% of rapists in prison, there's only [x]% of abusers, the recidivism rates, the way prison is a den of abuse for the people in it" and like yes i agree with those points. but also no matter what you say, people will hear 1% and go "but 1% is a better chance of being saved if im on the receiving end of extreme violence, than 0% in a system that does nothing". they!!! are always going to go with the devil they know!!! if the alternative is completely in the dark!!!!

"what is the alternative to prisons" is always, in my experience seeing these conversations leak out into public internet discourse, to say "well, there's just so many options, and we're still discussing in the community--" stop. stop. that will never ever ever work. that will never convince anyone.

1) you never stop doing [x social thing] without any solid clearly defined agreed upon plan for the alternative. you just dont. 2) that doesnt encourage anyone to look for more information, it makes it sound like there is no solid alternatives period, 3) just!! say!!! what you think!!!! just say "well there arent any solid plans yet, but i personally like [x method] and [y method]", because that gives people a foothold. that gives them the context to start understanding the argument, the alternative that is being presented, it gives them a broad image of what to picture for a prisonless society and how it might function. that is an archetype WE DONT CURRENTLY HAVE, so you have to paint them a picture so they can start to imagine. so that they have some place to start looking. some concept they can start to research on and expand from there.

most people dont know what a prison-less society or land back looks like. im sorry its annoying to explain it a lot. but they dont know. if you want to do outreach, paint a picture. tell them what it means. get into logistics.

the moment you step outside your community to talk to people outside it, you are doing outreach. so look into how to do it well, how to get people on your side, and how to introduce concepts to people who have never heard of it before.

#ok im done with word vomit.

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godsrejectedmartyr · 2 months

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i can’t fucking do this. everything hurts and it’s all making me feel sick. why can’t you just show me your love? make me feel loved… if you don’t then just fucking tell me. i wonder if you’re really that clueless or if you’re doing this on purpose. can’t you see what you’re doing to me? you’re ruining me, you’re breaking me. all i want is your love. for you to show me i matter to you. that your relation to me is not just a title, that it means something to you. the conversation we had, about our relationship. when you said that you felt that i needed more that i possibly might not be getting from you. i had it from you. i think i did at least… i remember there was a time my mind wasn’t completely consumed by whether or not you loved me. i loved you all this time yet i never wanted to gore myself more over your love than i have since last summer. i wonder what happened. did you offer me that break up because you’re just emotionally incapable of caring or changing it up a little just to make me feel loved? like, why wouldn’t you want to make someone you love feel loved?

and of course we always beg the question, why would you stay in a relationship where you gain nothing if you didn’t love me? maybe it’s because you know who i am. a mental wreck, the fact my happiness all depends on you. or maybe it’s because i know who you are. the only person who you’ve entrusted to know the person you are.sane you like me, maybe i’m the only person who could ever love you as much as i do, and you know that. maybe im the safe choice. the only person you could see stay with your forever through anything. you know i bend but never break for you. even when im at my most pathetic im never mad at you. but maybe you still like to have your fun. maybe you have me as your forever safe choice but you still want to continue to talk to those people on the internet. those people who have no idea what or who you are behind that screen. but i know. maybe that’s what makes me different. i just know that one thing that no one else does, and i love you more than anyone who ever even thought of loving you. maybe that’s why you don’t just tell me you don’t love me. maybe you just think im the best you could get on this side of who you are. but really i feel like im not the one you want anymore.

you used to tell me that i’m perfect. you used to love telling me you loved me. you used to love talking to me for hours. you used to be so excited at the thought of me. now i get the feeling, that even after all the courage i pulled to send you that one picture, im not so perfect in your eyes anymore. you won’t say i love you to me until i do, even if it’s been days somehow your love for me never goes to mind. you take hours to respond to my messages now, our conversations are hardly even conversations.

i wish i knew what changed. and i wish i could change for you.

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ekkurea · 10 months

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(im the anon who sent the rendering ask and tips) AS SOMEOEN W STEM BACKGROUND WE’re always yk making things easier for us with ai.. im gonnaa divert a bit..i asked a professor (this was a neuroscience conference) why dont we perfect ai and develop a new artificial brain instead of studying the human brain… he had the most simple basic reply … why wouldnt you want to usee ai to understand yourbrain first… its a tool that can help us understand an actual brain why not use it there… i didnt really have an answer back then… but with your insight i resonate his answer w yours.. any other field ai is a helping hand and as much as i am against ai art … i see the potential it offers …. and obviously one needs to knoww their basics to use ai ot any tool !! and i just wanna say KUDOS FOR DOING IT :))) !! LITERALLY ALL SO MYCH LOVE FOR YOY!! GO YOU !!! 🫶

Hello! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ These are really important words for me. I needed to read them to make my heart feel better. I love your every word! ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚

And I was very interested when you said about the neuroscience lectures! Apart from the fact that I love to hear people talk about their fields of study, I am also interested in their perspective on my field (*^ω^)八(⌒▽⌒)八(-‿‿- )ヽ

Next, I want to share my thoughts on what drawing means to me and what I think is the value of drawings (and not only). Sorry, I'll share some new art soon. m(_ _)m

I'm not a fan of AI art either, but I don't devalue the work of AI artists either.

I really like the process of creating drawings(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) For me, it is not only therapy but also a way of preserving a piece of my soul in a drawing (or anything else "created by hand"). I keep drawings that may seem unsuccessful now. Because they reflect my view of the world at the time when I created them. Looking at them, I travel through the memories of my life. I think it's like a photograph. It stops time, conveys the focus, where the author's gaze was directed and shows what and how he sees. We can talk about this endlessly. 彡ﾟ◉ω◉ )つー☆* I'm one of those people who understand the popularity and value of Malevich's black square. (By the way, he is a Ukrainian artist. I say this because you might have heard a lie somewhere, if you know what I mean)

I also want to expand a bit on the topic of values that I emphasize in things. It's cool if they go hand in hand.

(੭ˊ͈ ꒵ˋ͈)੭̸*✧⁺˚ The first is the author. We can be supporters of a person, their life, their worldview... I'm ready to pay more if it's created by a person I'm interested in and like. This way I get a piece of him and support him. I think people who are fans of someone will understand me.

(੭ˊ͈ ꒵ˋ͈)੭̸*✧⁺˚ The second is the finished product. Recently, there were campaigns in my country and around the world about how artificial intelligence sees the exploitation of animals. It really doesn't matter to me that the machine created these images in a minute. The main thing is the benefit that came from it.

For example, another area is medicine. Doctors used to practice all their lives to move more and more perfectly during operations. And yet there is a level of precision that we will never be able to match. But a machine can do it. So why not let technology do it?

(((＞＜))) We are afraid of change. Artists, actors, construction workers, everyone is afraid of losing their jobs. I am too! But if it's not something that is aimed at destroying all life, then maybe it can help us on the contrary. We'll see where it takes us. And if it happens that no one wants my drawings at all, I know what I want to do with myself. This is about the fact that when people trusted progress, they found time and opportunities to improve other areas of life.

(*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡ I would hold drawing lessons, creative evenings... Experience has shown that the Internet can provide a lot of knowledge, but live classes, the creative process, conversations, support, discussions are something that no machine can replace. And the way students and their parents call and write to me and say that they miss our classes warms my heart every time. I also miss this atmosphere.

(人´∀｀)．☆．。．:*･° And if you didn't know what to do in the evening, take it as a sign. Take pencils, paints, paper or anything else, turn on your favorite movie or music and create. Do what you want and what your heart tells you to do. Alone or with someone. Don't worry about being perfect and professional! No, that's not the point. Just have fun!

I will end. Haha!

I don't know how it happened, but sorry for the sea of text! m(_ _;m)三(m;_ _)m

I love you and thank you for supporting me! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) ☆

P.s. I also want to say that English is not my native language and I am very bad at it. So if I made a mistake somewhere and someone wants to correct me, no problem! I am happy to learn!

Also, let me know if it's boring, obvious, and not interesting to anyone. I will not be offended in any way! I'm just not going to talk about things that I wasn't even asked about and will leave these conversations for my friends. Haha.

#askekurea

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iwadori · 3 years

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So I'm reading your works and I love them !! I was thinking of requesting some kind of drabble or whatever you like, about a female reader who has thick thighs and is somewhat plump and is in love with Tsukishima but he makes a comment about the food and she feels bad and when she meets Bokuto in the boot camp Bokuto is too cute and attentive to her asking for her number and a date. If you don't feel comfortable with this, just ignore it and good luck with your blog. Sorry my english is bad<3

When they make you insecure PT 5 (tsukishima,bokuto)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part 6

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima

You and Tsukishima have been dating in your first year (as you both went to the same middle school together.)

You were in love with Tsukishima, you always have been to be honest, but once you became officially boyfriend and girlfriend your feelings amplified.

But recently, Tsukishima hasn’t been so nice.

“Y/N we’re going on another training camp at Nekoma” Hinata exclaimed running up to you, as you leaning against Tsukishima “and you get to come too this time!”

You recently became the new trainee manager as the third-year manager, Kikyoko, is going to graduate. Tsukishima acted as if you being around all the time in practice was the worst thing in the world, but Yamagucchi always assured you that ‘Tsukki’ was just joking.

“Oh well that’s fun...” you say entertaining Hinata’s excitement. You were kind of excited to go to the training camp too, as it was in Tokyo after all. You were always a big fan of volleyball as your dad used to play for the national team and you were planning to play on the girls team this year but you felt that you didn’t have the body for it (which was obviously not true.)

Hinata kept on rambling on before Tsukishima insulted him. “Gosh Kei, you don’t have to be so rude.” you complained, he slightly nudged you off of him and put on his headphones showing you that he was not in a good mood.

You let the rest of the practice continue, making notes of things and basically being Kiyoko’s shadow. As it ended, you waited outside for Tsukishima to walk home with you, but one of the guys told you he left 5 minutes ago. You knew there was no point of chasing after him so you just walked on your own, making you sigh in defeat.

Tsukishima was what you would describe as hot and cold. Some days he was fine a ‘perfect gentlemen’ but other days, days like this Tsukishima was just Tsukishima.

When you got home, you decided to watch matches of all the other schools just to get some insight. You were watching a Fukarodani V Nekoma match from a few years ago and something caught your eye, well someone did to be more specific. A beefy, bicolour haired boy who was hooting like an owl was mesmerizing to watch.

You saw that his name was Bokuto Koutarou which triggered your next actions, which were to internet stalk him. You learned that he was the captain of the team and the team’s ace and the 5th ace in the country which piqued your interest in the boy even more.

‘This is going to be an exciting training camp’ you think to yourself before going to sleep.

`Kiyoko gave you an itinerary of all the things you should bring, since you weren’t going to be joining in any of the matches you were reminded to bring things that would keep entertained.

You get to the bus at the crack of dawn, ready to be driven to Tokyo. Hinata and Kageyama were already arguing (let’s pretend that they didn’t have to do the retakes in the test) Tanaka and Nishinoya were being loud, and the rest of the members were already asleep. You wanted to sit next to Tsukishima but when you were about to sit down, he put his carryon bag in the seat next to him.

The bus ride was around 4-5 hours, and you spent your time reading and sleeping. Daichi got the loudmouths to calm down making the bus ride more tolerable. You suffered from slight motion sickness but you powered through.

When you arrived there, you saw all the other teams and their buses too. You felt a bit overwhelmed, seeing these tall boys just crowd around an entrance way. But too your surprise, noticing your slight anxiousness, Tsukishima grabbed your hand in a hand-hold.

The Nekoma coach, explained how the day would pan out and where each team would be residing for the week. There was a lot of commotion getting everyone settled, Hinata and Nishinoya were basically bouncing off of the wall commenting on all the people and the place and how they’re going to ‘crush the competition.’

You could tell that when the other teams were looking at Karasuno they were all staring at Kiyoko. Inquisitive about how there wasn’t only one girl manager but there was two. As you were walking your eyes locked with Bokuto Koutarou’s making yours widen, you blush and turn your head quickly.

What you didn’t know was, after your small interaction, Bokuto elbowed Akaashi and said “Akaaashi AKKAAASHI, did ya see that? did ya?” he was flying with happiness “That girl from Karasuno smiled at me. She’s really pretty.”

“I think she’s from Karasuno” Akaashi said “So maybe you’ll see her around”

Bokuto stared off in the direction you were walking in “Yeah, hopefully.”

The first day, everyone got settled in and then the teams went straight into games. There were two different gyms and today, in gym 1, you were watching Karasuno V Nekoma. (By the way I literally don’t remember the teams at the training camp besides Nekoma, Karasuno and Fukarodani.) The game was very back a point each team making point after point, you already knew of Nekoma’s captain, Kuroo Testurou and the setter Kenma, you’ve actually played games with Kenma online before so you were fairly acquainted with him already.

The games ended and it was now dinner time, the canteen was packed with all the boys rushing to line up for the food. You waited at the back of the line, not really caring about when you got your food. Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder and you looked over to see Boktuo,

“Hi.” he said “I’m Bok-”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” You finished “I'm a big fan..” you cringed immediately at your excitement ‘pull it together Y/N’ you scold yourself.

“Oh well hi, I’m glad you know who I am” he said “and may I ask for your name?”

“Oh I’m Y/N L/N” you say with a slight blush “I'm the trainee manager from Karasuno.”

“Cool! Well I hope to see you aro-” he starts

“Y/N, I’ve been looking all over for you, I already got your food for you.” Tsukishima said pulling at your arm a bit harshly, dragging you over to a table with the Karasuno team.

“Gosh Tsukki, no need to be so harsh” you say rubbing at your wrist, he didn’t apologize and just started eating his food.

You look down at your plate and see the small portion that Tsukki got for you. The Karasuno bunch was being loud, as they usually are, so when you whisper “Tsukki what the fuck is this” whilst nudging him in the side, he didn’t hear you (or atleast he pretended he didn’t.) You tried again but a little louder saying, “Tsukishima what the fuck is this.” you realised you said it a bit too loud as the whole Karasuno table stopped their conversations to look over at the slight commontion you caused.

“What do you mean Y/N?” he said with a slight smirk on his face.

“I mean what’s with the portion size of a bird that you gave me?” you ask getting upset “Do you really think im that big?”

“Well, you could start eating less that’s for sure.” he said earning gasps from you and some of the people sitting at the table “Y/N let's face it, you eat like a pig and you look like an elephant, me making your food portion smaller is the least I could do.”

By now you had tears in your eyes, Tsukishima was a dick. You knew this, everybody knew this to be honest, yet you still loved him. He wasn’t like this in middle school, yes he was a bit snarky and rude (but wasn’t every middle schooler?) High school Tsukishima was like a completely different person. As much as you wanted to run away and hide, you knew you couldn’t.

So you stood up and said “Tsukishima, I’ve spent 3 years loving and pining after you, because I thought you were this great guy, but turns out you’re a huge asshole” you start making some of the people listening in smile in laughter “Tsukishima, I’ve hated this past year dating you, you’ve been such a huge dick and I’m finally stopping you. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.” You start making your way to exit before finally saying “Oh and by the way I’m not the pig here, you are... oh and I’m breaking up with you.” You left, hearing a few laughs and some claps behind you.

You felt relieved, like the massive cloud that’s been over your head is finally gone. You went to the gym since you knew it was empty and picked up a ball to just throw it around a bit. After a while of ‘de-stressing,’ you hear someone else enter the gym.

“Oh I didn’t know you’d be here.” said Bokuto

“Well here I am,” you say awkwardly “I can leave if you want me too, I know this is for actual volleyball players.”

“No no it’s fine you can definitely stay, in fact do you mind setting for me?” he asks

“Sure, of course I don’t mind” you reply, excited you get to play with someone. You haven’t played in ages, you always begged Tsukishima to just throw a ball around with you but he never did.

You set to Boktuo a lot, with him always asking for ‘another one’ everytime he spiked the ball. Eventually, you were tired of setting and wanted to spike. You originally was a spiker to begin with taking after your dad. Thats why you took a liking to Bokuto in the first place cause he reminded you of the joys you had when watching your father play.

Bokuto set a ball to you and you spiked it with great strength and accuracy smiling at the burning feeling you felt in your palm.

“Woahh” Bokuto shouted going towards you in amazement “Where did you learn how to spike like that?”

“From my dad, I don’t know if you heard of him before but my dad’s name is D/N L/N...?” you say

“D/N L/N, Y/N he is my idol!” he shouted again “I want to be just like him.”

“I think you can, I see a lot of similarites in the way you both play.” you say

“Really! And you’ve seen me play before..?” he asks

“Yeah, I watched some of your games before coming here... you’re really good” you shyly admit.

“Wow.”

You and Bokuto spend the rest of your time, talking about volleyball you’re interests, things you have in common, your likes and dislikes. Talking to Bokuto was refreshing, he didn’t randomly insult you or make snide comments about your weight or your looks. He just genuinely looked happy to be there talking to you, unlike Tsukishima.

Seeing your change in mood, Bokuto stops talking and asks “are you alright? I forgot to ask earlier, but I saw what happened in the canteen and I hope you’re okay.”

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just things with me and Tsukishima reached a breaking point, I guess...” you say sniffling a bit talking about it “But it’s fine now I’ve broken up with him and I feel better already.”

“So you’re saying your single...?” he asked blushing a bit

“Yeah I guess I am...” you smile blushing also.

“Okay great...well I hope this isn’t too forward after everything happened with Tsukki and all but...” he starts “but would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Who me?” you ask as if you weren’t the only other person in the room

“No the volleyball” he responds sarcastically “Of course you Y/N.”

“Are you sure, cause to be honest Bokuto you’re a really good-looking guy” you say making him smile widely “so I think you need someone to match your level in attractiveness” you look down and his smile drops.

“What do you mean?” he asks before realising all the stuff Tsukishima said about you “Y/N you’re beautiful, your face, your body just you.” you blush at his words “when I first saw you when you were walking past us in the entrance way the first thing I thought and said about you was “Akaashi who is that girl she’s beautiful.””

“Really?” you ask with disbelief

“Mhm” he nods excitedly “So will you go on a date with me?”

“I guess so...” you say a bit unsure

“HEY HEY HEY!” he exclaims “I gotta go tell akaashi!” he runs out of the gym in a hurry making you laugh, but he comes back to give you a quick unexpected kiss on the cheek making you smile.

You checked your phone for the time realising that you’ve been with Bokuto for 3 hours and you knew that everyone would be going to sleep now. As you are the manager you slept seperately from the rest of the team but before you went to your sleeping quaters you went to Karasunos.

“Y/N where have you been? We’ve been worried about you.” asked yammagucchi

“It’s fine yams don’t worry about it, guys” you say catching everyones attention “I just wanted to apologise to you for my outburst at dinner, it wasn’t my intention to cause a scence.”

“It’s fine Y/N” said sugawara “He definitely deserved it.”

“Yeah as your marvellous senpai we gave him a good telling off” said Tanaka and Nishinoya making you chuckle.

“Okay well thanks guys, I’m going to sleep goodnight.”

“Wait Y/N can I speak with you.” asked Tsukishima gesturing to outside the room

“Umm sure” you respond following him into the corridor.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done over the past year and how I’ve been a terrible boyfriend, you don’t deserve that. So, I’m sorry.”

“I can’t say I can forgive you yet.” you say making Tsukishima look sad “but maybe with effort from you we can become friends possibly?”

“Just friends?” he said with hope in voice thinking that you could be something more.

“Just friends.” you repeated and confirmed “Besides I have been asked on a date”

“With who?”

“None of your business stingyshima” you mock the nickname that Hinata calls him making him scowl and you smile “Goodnight.”

After Bokuto’s confession and Tsukishima’s apology, the rest of the training camp went off without a hitch. In your breaks and lunchtimes, you got to know more about Bokuto and with Kuroo’s help you even got to sneak out to actually go on your date. You sometimes even went to practice with them getting to show off your skills, with Bokuto cheering you on and complimenting you every single time.

Tsukishima kept his distance for the most part, and kept the snarky comments about you and Bokuto to himself (even though he was dying to say them.) You eventually fully forgave Tsukishima in your 3rd year but you definitely weren’t as close as you used to be. Tsukishima’s comments and actions did affect you for a while however with the help of your loving boyfriend, you were reminded how beautiful you are no matter what weight, shape or height you were.

You and Bokuto stayed together, you made sure to come to every one of his games and when you introduced him to your dad he fainted on sight. Your dad and Bokuto got along, and became very close friends, Bokuto always came to him for advice (especially volleyball advice.) You loved Bokuto and he definitely loved you too.

AN: I hope you liked it, since I didn’t want to make it too similar too the Atsumu insecure one. And I feel like it dragged out a bit but got rushed in the endd....but oh well...

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyu scenarios #haikyuu fluff #haikyu #tsukishima angst #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima headcanons #bokuto scenarios #bokuto angst #bokuto x reader #signedwithane😌

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enhais · 3 years

Note

hi!! could you do a yandere enhypen where they stalk the reader?

thank you so much!

yandere!enhypen stalks the reader

┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄

pairing: yandere!enhypen x gn!reader

genre: yandere

a/n: im making this as a reaction if that’s fine with you!

┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄

jungwon

you were walking home from work, as usual, with headphones blasting the recent hits and jungwon walked behind you from a distance, just like he’s been doing for the past couple of weeks.

you never suspected anything and it didn’t feel weird. whenever you looked behind you there was either a guy with sweet, handsome features or no one. you never thought twice about it since you lived in a fairly crowded area. sure, the recent news was about attempted murders and kidnappings and you were told to not be outside during a certain hour, but it felt safe walking home. the same thing you’ve done for years. why would it be different now?

jungwon quickened his pace as he wanted to get a closer look at you. he’d only been able to zoom in on the pictures taken on his phone, but the times you were in front of him were so much better.

“i must have you. we belong together, i can feel it. i’ve felt it since the first time we met at the café.” he sighed and stopped himself, not wanting to be caught just yet and letting you walk up to your apartment.

heeseung

the two of you had been friends for a very long time. it all started in second grade when he came to school without fruits in his lunchbox (he always had fruits with him instead of candy or other snacks). he began to cry and you, being the sweet hero that you were, handed him some apple slices and grapes, “there you go. now please stop crying, it’s a bit annoying.”

ever since then, he told you he’d make it up to you. and he did. several times. but the one thing never leaving his mind was that he had to marry you, no matter what or who stood in his way.

recently, you’ve been hanging out with his friend jake a bit more often. you didn’t want heeseung to be mad at either of you, so you just told him that you were hanging out with a friend. he didn’t believe you and that’s why he followed your every move after school.

it’s been like this for a few weeks and even though you’ve seen him a couple of times, you haven’t brought it up, thinking he was just there coincidentally. but oh boy how wrong you were.

“jake doesn’t have a chance against me, everyone knows that. im her number one priority as she is mine and i will be the one to get her heart.” he muttered for himself while slurping the smoothie he ordered to stay looking after you.

jay

you were working with enhypen as their stylist, making sure everything was right for the next comeback. jay had known you since trainee days when you took your first steps as a stylist and was excited that you were gonna work with them now. you were still learning things about the industry, but your colleagues had an open mind thinking that they needed someone younger’s thoughts.

just like you, jay had grown up so much since the last time you saw each other. he, of course, never forgot you and had been stalking your social media accounts at least once a week. you never knew that though, and he wasn’t planning on telling you.

stalking on the internet soon came to be stalking in real life. he always kept an eye open on your schedule, planning to “bump into you” by accident and hoping that you were gonna visit them for measurements even though everything was mostly finished.

“oh, hi y/n! what are you up to?” he put his hand on your shoulder and held it there for a moment before letting go, “i have a meeting about the concept in a few, how about you?” you returned the question, not wanting to sound impolite, “just the usual… training.” he smiled and you nodded as you walked off to the meeting, “i’ll see you later, jay.”

jake

you’d never met him in your life, but something told you you’d seen him before.

you were working the late-night shift at the restaurant and were quick to take the orders. you didn’t really care about the guests, just having one goal in mind and that was to go home and sleep.

a guy came in, looking like the lead in a drama, and sat down by the bar. you were immediately caught up in his handsome features, from the way his eyes shone in the dimmed light to his bright smile. “what would you like today, sir?” you asked as you got ready with the notepad. he looked directly into your eyes with that sweet smile, “you.” you burst out laughing, “oh yeah? that was funny.” it took a second before you collected yourself and the guy still didn’t take his eyes off you, “i can recommend the burger and the steak, but if you want more vegetables, i’d recommend the salad.” you explained.

jake ordered the steak and picked up his phone after you left, wanting to take some pictures of the place. of you.

later that night, when he received the tab, he wrote down your name in his phone and wrote you a cute little note on a napkin, “loved the conversation, might have to steal you from work someday.” and added his phone number, hoping you would call.

sunghoon

you were at the ice rink to support a friend and give them some assistance. sunghoon immediately made his way over to you who was standing by the side all alone.

cold air whooshed against your face, making your cheeks a bit more red, “hi, who are you? i haven’t seen you here before.” his smile was sweet, “im here with a friend.” he hummed, “well, if you want to hang out later, i can make some time.” you blushed and gave out a nervous chuckle, “mhm, we’ll see.”

the two of you exchanged numbers and have spent a lot of time together since then. what you didn’t know, however, was that sunghoon had pressured your friend to bring you to the ice rink that day… he had seen you around town before and did his research. you were more difficult to find, so he went for a different approach: kidnap your friend and threaten them to help him get you.

“you’re friends with y/n, right? i want you to get them to the ice rink.” they nodded hastily, trying to respond, but his hand was covering their mouth, “i know the two of us have talked before, i know you usually hang out there, so just do me a favor and get them there.”

sunoo

working at a busy café in the middle of seoul made you see thousands of people every day. sunoo, however, only wanted to see you.

he came in at least once every day to order coffee and have small talk. when he came in your colleagues immediately gave you a heads up, “the sweet sunoo is here again, miss girl.” they laughed and you walked out the storage room with a bright smile, “thanks guys.” sunoo took off his sunglasses to get a better look at you, “hi sunoo.” you greeted as you re-tied the apron, “do you want the usual? or maybe try something different?” he smiled, “the usual, thank you.”

his gaze never left your face and you’d gotten quite used to it. still, what made you a little worried was his lockscreen. you swore it was a picture of you taken from afar. you didn’t dare to question though, thinking it would start something you didn’t want to experience. but, what you didn’t know was that he’d been stalking you for the past couple of months. not only grabbing coffee and having small talk but following you to your home, getting to know your daily routines and who you hung out with as well.

“if you want to visit the company, you know where it is. just call me and i’ll take you on a tour.” he laughed and gave you a napkin with his number on it. you looked at it for a minute before locking eyes again, “thank you.”

niki

as a trainee at belift there are a lot of things to do. practice singing, practice dancing, study for the upcoming tests in school, and so on and so forth. you’d been at belift for about a year and recently gained a lot of attention from the producers as your monthly evaluation really stood out from everyone else.

but it’s not only the producers who are interested. niki from enhypen has been keeping an eye on you from the day you arrived, wanting you in his life one way or another.

you’d just finished dance practice and were on your way to fill up your water bottle as you bumped into him. “oh, hi y/n. you good?” with a black cap and oversized black hoodie, you barely recognized him, “niki?” he nodded with a short laugh, “oh, im good.” you began, “i just finished practicing.” you motioned to your bottle, still waiting to be filled with water, “mm, alright. we’ll talk later, yeah? i have a meeting.” he explained and gave you a wave goodbye.

you thought he was just like any other guy at the company: hardworking, sweet, and motivated, and you were right, but he was hardworking, sweet, and motivated for you as well. taking every chance to talk to you, touch you, making you want to be with him. but that would take some time for you to figure out, he made sure of that.

#enhypen #enhypen reaction #yandere!enhypen #enhypen imagine #kpop #kpop reaction #kpop yandere #yandere #enhypen au #kpop au #heeseung #jungwon #sunghoon #jake #jay #sunoo #niki

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bo0zey · 3 years

Text

my friend who doesn’t have adhd and just wants an adderall perscription: i definitely have adhd like i never pay attention and i’m such a procrastinator omg lol btw i’m at the library studying and doing homework that’s not due until 3 days ugh what are you doing have you started studying yet we have those worksheets due tomorrow remember and it’s already 6pm! omg what do u mean u haven’t started the paper yet it’s literally due in 3 hrs omg no it’s ok i’ll just send u mine bc i’ve been working on it all day haha and omg i’m trying to pay attention to the lecture can u stop talking to me why r u reading online manga in class the exam is in 2 days pay attention! also i need caffeine to stay awake i love monster energy drinks they work so well i won’t be able to sleep tonight oh no also i took adderall 3hrs ago and now i’m super anxious but it’s not the adderall lol ugh i won’t be able to sleep tonjght ughh

me, someone who actually has adhd, pre-diagnosis: studying is so hard and i don’t want to do it and i literally can’t until hours before the exam and by then i’m so exhausted bc it’s like 3am but if i drink coffee or monster or bang i just get sleepier also i procrastinate entire research papers including the research hours before the due date even tho i knew abt the paper for a month and i wrote it in my assignment notebook every day knowing i needed to do it and i drink coffee before bed bc it relaxes me n makes me sleepy im constantly moving and shifting in my seat in class and i got paid 4 hrs ago and bought $500 worth of amazon products and now i don’t have any money for groceries for the next 2 weeks my thoughts go so fast and they’re so loud i can’t follow a conversation let alone a class lecture paying attention to anything i don’t care abt but am supposed to is impossible if i don’t write everything i need to do down i will forget about it and if i put my keys or vape or anything somewhere besides it’s designated spot for 1 minute i will literally forget where it is and if something isn’t directly in my line of sight i will forget i have it so i have to place everything in my line of sight for me to remember to use it and ok i’m at work i have a 14hr shift and a set of tasks i need to complete omg i’m so overwhelmed and frazzled i write down the list of tasks every shift and check off boxes to remember to do things but even then i still fall behind and why am i overwhelmed i know what i have to do please don’t ask me to do that thing i’m already trying to remember to do one thing ahhh ok i’m so exhausted it’s 12am and everyone’s asleep i have 3hrs left of my shift omg i’m so bored and tired ok i will have coffee and an energy drink to wake up bc i don’t wanna fall asleep here and i have an hour drive back home and oh wow i am now driving on the way and dozing off i am so sleepy sleepy sleepy why can’t i stay i awake i had 300mg of caffeine like 2hrs ago i’m going to crash the car why isn’t this energy drink working and hmm ok it’s now monday night i have school tmrw it’s 11pm i guess i’ll try n sleep i have class at 9am oh wait what is this sudden wakefulness i feel i am very awake i think i will maybe try to do homework to get tired actually no i think i will go on the internet instead hmm look at those cool show i think i will watch it ugh ok that was the longest 30min of my life i will not be able to watch another episode for at least 2 days probably oh it’s 3am i need to sleep but i can’t shut my brain off ugh oh no this sucks i hate myself why can’t i just get my shit together i know what i have to do but i just can’t fucking do it it’s so frustrating i’m trying so hard but i keep self sabotaging why why why

me, after being diagnosed w adhd and starting medication: wow for the first time in 8 years i’m actually paying attention in class and actively following what my professor is saying. i think i will do some homework now so i am not overwhelmed later. uh oh my dishes are starting to stack up i think i will clean them instead of starting a new pile. hmm my room is getting a little messy i think i will put things away including the clean clothes on that chair i’d been avoiding putting away for a week. i am following our conversation and i will wait until you are finished until it is my turn to speak instead of blurting out or interrupting you. oh i just got paid! hmm do i really need all of that online shopping stuff..? i think i will wait for a little bit and come back to it if i rlly want it bc what if something happens during the week and i need money to pay for it? oh i have to go to work it’s a 14hr shift; i am able to complete the tasks i need to do with ease bc i know what to do and when to do them and am no longer overwhelmed. i don’t need to drink that energy drink bc i know it will just make me more sleepy and i’ll doze off at the wheel on the highway and i don’t want that! ok i’m home yawn i think i will try n go to sleep it’s 11pm and i am genuinely tired.

#like just say u want an adderall perscription and go don’t fucking claim to have adhd its so invalidating to ppl that actually have it #and then she has the nerve to say i don’t have it when i literally check off almost every symptom and she doesn’t even actually check off 1 #also my mom had it and my lil brothers also definitely have it like it runs in my family no one in hers has it #it’s just so frustrating and invalidating bc stimulants honestly changed my life im so grateful #and she’s like lol how r u going to have adderall n NOT give it to me wtf our other friend does and im like bitch because #you and that other friend don’t actually fucking have it that’s why she’s so willing to give u her meds #but i literally need mine to function on a daily basis #also ever since i started adderall my DPDR is waaaaay less prominent now like i barely have episodes anymore unless i’m in a depressive epi #ok sorry rant over lol #ramblings #actually adhd

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suneatersupportsquad · 3 years

Text

red handed; colby brock

request: im not sure if you do requests or even any imagines for colby brock anymore but i was wondering if you cold make a exception, so basically the plot is that the reader met colby through kat and since then they hit it off, now their in a secretive relationship the only person who knows is kat but she only knows the reader has a crush on colby. one day everyones hanging out in the same room room and colby is sexting the reader, sams curious to whos hes texting and they find out their dating.

dedication: @whydontweanons

genre: fluff, subtle smut?

pairing: colby brock x gn!reader

characters: colby brock, sam golbach, katrina stuart, corey scherer, jake webber, kevin langue, brennen taylor, devyn lundy, tara yummy

word count: 1.8k

warnings: alcohol, what would probably be underage drinking, NSFW (barely), sexting (duh), mentions of COVID-19, quarantine

a/n: of course i’ll still write for sam and colby!! it’s just that, since i’m not as active of a follower of them as i used to be, my goal is to write for fandoms that i’m more invested in at the moment. but, honestly, i don’t think i could ever really stop writing for them. i love those boys so much. also this plot made me laugh so hard when i saw it in the best way possible. getting this request honestly made my day, so thank you for that!! anyways, i’m a little rusty, but here we go.

important links: masterlist

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

You and Colby had known each other for a long time - pretty much since he’d moved to LA with Sam - and you had been involved romantically just as long. You had met him and Sam through Kat on a boring Saturday night when all their friends flaked on coming to a little kickback they were hosting. Trying to be a good friend and cheer the boys up, Katrina had invited you to hopefully kickstart some emotional momentum. Your eyes met Colby’s for the first time and you clicked. Something in your gut had told you that the two of you would end up being close, and it was right. You had hit it off immediately, not taking very long to start laughing at one another’s corny jokes and telling stories over Smirnoff Ice while some random late night show played in the background. From that night on, it was history.

Since then, you two had been practically attached at the hip. If you weren’t sitting on the same room or facetiming, you were definitely texting one another. It became a running joke in your friend group that you two had evolved into a pair of siamese twins, or that being without you gave Colby separation anxiety. The two of you found it even more amusing when you actually began dating, not long after that fateful first night. It amazed the both of you that you were able to hide your relationship so well. No one had a clue. The two of you laughed about it quite often, actually, over late night phone calls and tipsy afternoons spent only with each other. No one knew, and nobody needed to know.

Colby, due to the internet and his fanbase being the way it is, preferred to keep his personal (and especially romantic) relationships more on the private side. His intent wasn’t necessarily to hide his feelings and relationship with you from his friends, but that particular topic of conversation never really came up in your friend group. Everyone had just kind of figured that everyone single would simply date someone when they were ready and tell everybody about it when they felt the time was appropriate. It wasn’t that Colby didn’t want to tell them, he just didn’t see the point in going out of his way to tell all of his friends hey after God knows how long I finally have a partner. He just didn’t want to make a big deal out of your relationship. Knowing his friends, they would definitely make it into some type of big thing, not to mention that Jake would dub the occasion as “cause for celebration” (which was really just an excuse to drink more). So Colby preferred to keep things on the quieter side for you two; neither of you wanted to make your relationship into an object for speculation.

Kat was the only person out of all of your friends to have any knowledge of your feelings for Colby. And thank God for her; if you didn’t have her to gush about Colby to, you probably would have either exploded or died. Or both. And she was there for every single second of it. She loved hearing about your movie nights, your urban exploring adventures, the sweet yet mundane things he would do to make you happy, literally anything. She ate that shit up like a man starved, and you did the same for her and Sam (regardless of the fact that their relationship was public already). You hadn’t told her explicitly about the nature of your relationship with Colby, really just gushed about your ever-growing love for the boy. Unbeknownst to you, she firmly believed that you only had feelings for Colby, clueless to the fact that the two of you had actually been dating for quite a while now. With her “go get ‘em, tiger” comments, along with similar remarks, you assumed that she had some sort of idea about your relationship with Cole, hence why you had never explicitly told her about your secret boyfriend. Kat, being the good friend that she was, never spilled your “secret” feelings to anyone else. Not even her boyfriend.

Eventually, quarantine started up amidst the international COVID-19 pandemic and you had begun practically living with the trap boys. A day without you in the house was enough to prompt concern for the boys, minus Colby who always knew the real reason why you weren’t coming over. This soon became the new normal, you taking a “day off” every few weeks to get tested just in case. At this point, it was almost comical that no one had figured out you two were dating yet.

One particular weekend afternoon, everyone in your friend group was hanging out at the house. You and Colby were sitting on opposite sides of the room, you next to Kat and Colby seated beside Sam. It was particularly warm today seeing as this Saturday landed smack in the middle of the infamous August heat wave, so you had thrown on a tank top and some shorts, nothing to flashy. Colby had dressed similarly, wearing only a muscle tee and a pair of trunks.

You were sat beside Kat, the both of you trying to listen to the story Devyn was telling. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t ignore the way your boyfriend was staring at you from across the room. You looked away from Dev for just a second to shoot him a glare when you realize exactly why he’s looking at you. The speed at which the blood rushes to your face is dizzying, and you drop your head to stare at your lap. Motherfucker- You sigh as you pull your phone out of your pocket. “Quit it with the blowjob eyes asshole,” you type before pressing the blue send button.

You feel his gaze break as his phone vibrates. Trying to ignore him, you refuse to meet his gaze again, putting all of your effort into focusing on Devyn’s story. Seconds later your phone vibrates in your pocket. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the screen reads, and you shake your head.

“Uh huh sure ok.” You pressed send again.

Another few seconds passed and your phone vibrated again. “That shirt looks really good on you.”

You blushed as you read the message, flustered by the comment. Brows knitting together in confusion, you looked up to find him staring back at you with a dopey grin. You hunched over your phone and sent a message back. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Colby replied, a gray typing bubble sitting under the message. “But you know how it would look cuter?”

You cocked your head to the side and typed out your response. “How?”

“On my bedroom floor.” You almost snorted at that, clamping a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. Typical. Thankfully no one had been paying enough attention to you to notice that you were distracted.

Colby, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. “Give me this, dude,” Sam said, snatching the phone out of Colby’s hand and effectively bringing the conversation on their side of the room to a halt. “You haven’t been listening for like the past 20 minutes, dude. Now let’s see what’s got you so distracted.”

“You don’t need to look at that, Sam, it’s not that important-” The tall brunette sounded slightly panicky as he reached and grappled with Sam for his phone. Sam played around for a little bit before finally reading the screen, eyes widening in amusement.

Upon finishing his reading, Sam lowered the phone and Colby relaxed, already knowing that he was caught. “So who’s ‘angelcakes,’ huh Colbert?” Sam prodded teasingly.

Colby blushed ever so slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “They’re just a friend-”

“Which friend, huh?” Sam continued his teasing, growing louder and louder with every response until all eyes were on the two boys.

Colby shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but looking more stressed than ever in actuality. “Just a friend.”

“What do you say we call this friend, huh boys?” Sam suggested.

Kevin nodded, agreeing. “I think we definitely should.” Brennen also nodded when Sam looked to him for approval, essentially finalizing the decision.

“Okay then, let’s do this thing!” Sam yelled, earning cheers from all the other curious folks in the room. The blonde boy pressed call and Colby simply held his face in his hands.

You jumped when your phone rang, honestly having forgotten that oh shit, I’m angelcakes. Everyone turned to look at you curiously, Colby even peeking through his fingers. You didn’t even pick up the device, already knowing whose name would be lighting up the screen. “You gonna pick that up or something?” Corey asked awkwardly.

You shook your head, leaving your phone face down in its spot beside your thigh. “No, it’s probably not important anyways.”

A beat of heavy silence passed before Tara spoke. “Gee, they sure aren’t giving up. Maybe you should answer it.”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s just-”

“Yeah, you should answer the phone, Y/N,” Jake agreed, the pieces seeming to click in his head.

You sighed, burning bright red to the tips of your ears. “Okay okay, fine.” You stood and clicked the answer button. “Hello?”

And there it was, your voice echoing from Colby’s phone. The room erupted in cheers of disbelief, the boys pouncing on Colby and the girls slapping you in playful excitement. “I knew there was something going on between you two!! There’s no way there couldn’t have been -- I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Kat squealed, smushing you in a hug.

The rest of the girls echoed the sentiment, a chorus of ‘same’s and ‘I can’t believe you’s. It took a while for everyone to calm down but, once everyone settled, you and Cole managed to get some alone time. The two of you escaped out back, the less than mediocre breeze cooling the sweat that slicked your skin. You held each other, almost as though you were about to start slow dancing. “Damn, caught red handed, huh?”

You laughed breathily, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. “It was only a matter of time, ya know?”

“I know,” he agreed, cheek pressing against your hair. “I’m glad we don’t have to be weird around them anymore.”

“Me too,” you hummed.

Colby pulled away a little bit, just enough for him to look you in the eyes, your arms still around his neck. “Hey.”

You giggled, confused. “Hey.”

“I love you.”

You smiled your confirmation, eyes twinkling under the cheap backyard lights. “I love you.”

#colby brock #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock one shot #colby brock fanfic #colby brock imagine #fanfiction #the trap house #bug.oneshots

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wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months. Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.”

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically, and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland angst

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mysmegrace · 3 years

Note

woop wait i just saw the requests open thing sorry , can i please request the rfa with an ace/asexual mc ?

of course! thank you so much for your request! i hope i did this justice, please let me know if any information in this post is inaccurate or misunderstood! i'm not asexual and my resource for all info is from the internet.

RFA with an Ace/Asexual MC

---

yoosung kim:

the topic of your sexuality first arose from a movie night in his university dorm.

you two have been dating for a while now and it's been in the back of yoosungs mind for a while.

in his mind, he knew the time for that special event to happen was approaching.

so he decided that tonight was the tonight he would bring it up ever so subtly and maybe experience it for the first time.

with your consent of course.

you had a different idea of the action however.

you don't understand the huge hype around it.

it just wasn't something you’re attracted to.

the action itself repulsed you.

that's not to say you didn't want a relationship with yoosung or didn't find him physically attractive.

you valued your significant others personality and the emotional connection you had together such a strong way.

and you hoped yoosung would understand that when you eventually told him.

so when you arrived, he had everything ready to make the night comfortable and amazing.

the fluffiest blankets you could imagine had been laid across the couch with a bowl of popcorn, made just the way you like it, in front of you on the coffee table.

and the night was just beginning.

half-way through the movie, yoosung reached across your body laid in front of him to the coffee table and took up the remote to pause the film.

he said in a low, yet nervous voice “MC, i was thinking recently..”

you could sense where this was going.

you knew you had to tell him sometime in the near future, but if you were honest, you didn’t expect to have to let him know tonight.

“we’ve been dating for a while now. usually couples around this point in the relationship would..” he continued, cutting himself off with a breath to calm his nerves.

then he let it out.

“start talking about that special event..you know, the really deep one in relationships. i was wondering if maybe you wanted for us to try that out for ourselves tonight?” he finished.

you could feel your heart racing ever so slightly.

you weren’t ashamed or embarrassed of your sexuality.

you were mainly concerned that yoosung would get the wrong idea or shame you because of it.

but you knew you had to tell him, so you answered after a long thought.

“i’ve..never been interested in those types of things. they’ve always repulsed me and made me uncomfortable. it’s not because of you personally, i was just born like this. i understand if you need some time but my idea of it won’t change anytime soon.”

you took a deep breath, slightly closing your eyes to shield you from his body language in case he would become angry or upset.

yoosung took a breath too as he thought about your response.

he had never thought about the fact that you may not have been attracted to those things.

he finally responded after a minute or two, saying “oh, i’ve never thought about it like that. i hope i haven’t made you uncomfortable..”

truth be told, yoosung wasn’t ready for the event just yet.

but he understood your feelings towards it.

the absence of sex didn’t mark the end of your relationship.

your relationship was much more than one physical action.

he wrapped his arm around your waist, saying

“don’t worry, i completely understand”.

then he resumed the movie, eventually falling asleep with you on the couch.

hyun ryu / zen:

you’ve been living with zen for a few months following the third rfa party.

over the course of these past few months, you could feel your relationship continuously evolving into something deeper.

zen kept making moves with you, getting increasingly physical each time.

you knew the time for that special event between couples was approaching.

and you were not looking forward to it.

you found zen very physically attractive, but couldn’t imagine doing the deed with him.

it disgusted you to your core.

just the thought of it alone was enough to make you shiver.

one night after zen came home from practicing for his new role, he started with the typical nightly routine.

it consisted of skincare, a drink, and loving actions towards his love.

tonight when his loving actions came out, it continued to get deeper and deeper.

the arm around the waist turned into a kiss which continued into a make-up session.

eventually he was asking for your consent to go farther.

you knew what this meant and immediately got it together.

you quickly denied, saying “wait, i don’t want this”.

you could tell by the wave of shock and confusion flashing over his face that you would need to explain this.

so you quickly let him know why, saying “it’s not because i don’t want to be with you or think your ugly, i just think sex isn’t for me. i find the very thought of it disgusting. im content with kissing and i hope we can keep it this way”.

you hoped he wouldn’t be upset with you.

he was taken aback, sitting up to make eye contact.

he had never heard of someone not wanting to do the act.

not just with him, but all together.

however, he listened and stopped all action in the moment.

he looked away, thinking about your words.

he knew your relationship was more than physical actions and that something so deep wasn’t something that a relationship should be centered around.

so after some thought, he embraced you.

reassuring you that this wouldn’t change the way he perceived you in this relationship.

he would still love you.

he could never not love you.

so instead of continuing your previous intense make out session, you two ended up cuddling, eventually falling asleep in a loving embrace.

jaehee kang:

you awoke with the sun piercing through your eyelids.

a rude awakening in your opinion.

as you rub your eyes, you turn to look at your love sleeping besides you.

it was only 5:30am, the cafe you two owned didn’t open until 8am.

with a solid 2 and a half hours to waste, you stroked your sleeping beauties face.

ever so gently moving her once short hair away from her face.

the sun eventually woke her up too, only 15 minutes after it woke you up.

she said good morning with a kiss.

you returned her kiss, but she continued the kiss.

deeping it more and more.

you had become a little annoyed, pulling away more and more every time she went in for another one.

she caught on not long after, giving you a questioning look.

you were quick to explain your actions.

“i’m not comfortable with such physical actions. i’ve always had a general disgust when it comes to actions such as deep long kisses and sexual events. i hope i haven’t made you upset” you let out.

she was incredibly understanding, giving you a quick smile saying “oh, i’m sorry love. i understand”.

she then left the bedroom, heading to make breakfast for the both of you.

jumin han:

your wedding day was coming closer and closer by the day.

you knew jumin strongly believed in not living together before marriage or participating in extremely intimate actions before marriage.

however, you knew sex was something many people expected to happen in a marriage at some time.

you had no doubt jumin expected it too.

you couldn’t exactly blame him when you knew it was the societal norm.

but you hated it.

you hated everything about the action.

no matter what way you looked at it, you couldn’t understand why so many people want to take part in such a thing.

but you knew you would have to tell him sometime.

it would be better to tell him sooner than later.

you didn’t think it would be right to tell him after you were already married.

plus you wouldn’t want to spend your life with someone who couldn’t accept everything about you.

so tonight was the night you would let it out.

you met jumin at his home once he came home from work and cleaned up.

he offered you some wine, and you accepted.

it was the perfect opportunity.

watching the expensive liquid being poured into your glass, you wondered which way you should let him knew.

should you hint towards it?

should you say it outright?

you knew in your heart that that would be the best course of action.

jumin was a straight forward man afterall.

once both of you were settled down, you started off the conversation with your concerns about the marriage.

more importantly, your concerns about the sexual aspects of this.

jumin was caught off guard.

he didn’t expect you to be worried about it.

did you think he would hurt you during the act or take advantage of you?

however, he continued to listen with a concerned look on his face.

all of his predictions were shot down when you said your feelings towards the act.

you said you hated the thought of it and had no desire to ever participate in it.

“oh” he thought.

sure he would like to take part in those acts from time to time, but only if you were 100% comfortable with it.

if you didn’t want to do it, he would respect that.

afterall, he didn’t want to marry you for his own physical pleasure.

he completely understood you, but reassured you that you had nothing to worry about as he would never force that upon you.

he wants to marry you for you, not for your body.

saeyoung choi:

the night of your engagement was an exciting one to say the least.

a party with all of your close friends that you would consider family was exactly what you needed right now.

and to see your future husband and brother in law finally together made your heart want to explode out of your chest from happiness.

and now you were here, laying on saeyoungs bed smiling while talking about your future together.

the house you could build together.

the car you could drive to the store in.

the names of any future children you may have.

it’s safe to say, you two were getting carried away.

saeyoung started to make out with you after you two had calmed down a bit.

you returned the action, and it was getting increasingly heated as time went on.

he started to lay his hands upon the bottom of your shirt, gesturing towards pulling it off.

you snapped out of your makeout haze after you realized what he was trying to get at.

you pulled away sharply, leaving him shocked.

did he do something wrong?

his head started racing with worries.

he didn’t want to upset you in anyway.

you blatantly let out your feelnings towards his actions.

“saeyoung, i don’t like that. you haven’t done anything terrible, i just don’t like things getting that intense and sexual.”

he didn’t know what to say.

he never meant to unknowingly upset you.

cue the wave of apologizes from saeyoung.

you calmed him pretty quick once he starting this, saying “saeyoung, it’s fine. i know you didn’t mean to”.

eventually he calmed down and thought about it seriously.

he was completely understanding.

so instead of going further, he just continued with the kissing.

but made sure to keep it strictly kissing.

he was ready to love you for his entire life, even if he never had sex with you.

and he was content with that.

#mysticmessenger #mysme #jumin han #jaehee kang #Yoosung Kim #zen #hyun ryu #saeyoung choi #mysme 707

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