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hyunjilicious · 3 years

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what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips.

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated.

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it.

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did.

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy.

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-"

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer.

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat.

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass.

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today.

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C."

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive.

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue.

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed.

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room.

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep.

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him.

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this.

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before.

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles.

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going.

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower.

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't.

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight.

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face.

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you.

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle.

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit.

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back.

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features.

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch.

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears.

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again.

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him.

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?"

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?"

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end.

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left.

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes.

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck"

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you.

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known.

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy.

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you.

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan smut

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icharchivist · 3 years

Note

i just finished the summer troupe arc and I’m buzzing ahhh tenma’s entire arc!! wow!! and then when he goes and just nails it on closing night... love that for him!! also I literally screamed w/ yuki’s thank you at the end bc like. when I first watched the water me! play I was like “aw I kind of wish we could’ve seen something like a genuine thank you at the end” and then when it Actually Happened my heart just about stopped. i think also that like this arc was more super focused on one character rly growing and developing? like other characters had their moments and such but like tenma had like a whole story going through like the whole thing. i think it works super well bc spring troupe kinda like established the conflict and the struggle already so like the stuff is different now? which is like... obviously that’s good. anyways im so hype for autumn troupe! omi seems like a sweetheart + super excited for juza. and I want to know like. what the fuck is up with banri lol.... like my impression of that but was that im p sure juza was literally just watching some theatre. and then banri just walked up like “pokemon trainer rules. our eyes met so we’re gonna fight” ahhh I’m so excited to know what’s going on lol

AAHH WELCOME WELCOME!!!

God the Summer chapter made me such a mess when i first read it, their growth!!! gaaah so good!!

And yes!!! Tenma’s entiere arc was so beautiful!!! Like yeah he started as a prick but the story gives you all the reasons why he’s like that while also showing you how much he can grow with a little push if he just opens up to others a little and im HHHHHHHH Tenma... Tenma... crying over Tenma hours....

AND RIGHT GODD THAT YUKI THANK YOU WAS SO GOOD. Closing night for Water Me was honestly the best thing ever i’m still crying over it. Like it’s esp amazing compared to the previous nights and basically the “we are all covering for you Tenma” that lead Tenma to just. go. “so i’ll show everyone what your greatest strength are” especially with how he was so quick to belittle them when he met them.... good lord i have tears just thinking about it, like, it’s even more glaring when it comes to how he treated Muku and how Muku grew too and HHHHHH summer troupe feelies.

But yeah you’re also right. Tbh i do think the first Spring Chapter was a little simpler, mostly because it was already heavy with the base threat that was the theater closing so they couldn’t clog too much conflict in it at first. (though Itaru almost leaving... that bastard... *waves fist to sky*). In the end Spring mostly focused in the group dynamic than on one character especially.

Meanwhile yeah, Summer had a looot of focus on Tenma, but it’s also bc as a leader the fact he didn’t start out too well (compared to Sakuya who had problems being confident enough to speak up, Tenma was just. Not really helpful at first, until he learnt how to) meant there was more focus on his growth.

I do think also just in general especially when the troupes are just formed they have to rely on their leaders a lot as they’re kinda the ones giving you the idea of what each troupes are supposed to bring, and how their growth is having a positive impact on the rest of the troupe to encourage their growth.

Either way, not to be too annoying about the events (i totally am too annoying dfhd) but the events are like 11 episodes long so they’re quite short but they generally focus on two characters (still the rest have important stuff to do but generally you watch out who are the two who are Getting Development This Time), and when it comes to the play events, it generally focus on who is the lead and who is the co-lead as well as their dynamic. so it’s also why i kinda bitch about the fact the events are so hard to unlock if you haven’t unlocked them back when they came out because each events really dive in a little more in each characters. (vague exemple: Misumi backstory is in his event). So Main Plot Stories generally try to focus a bit on every troupe’s members with generally more focus on their leaders, especially to highlight the troupe’s dynamic, and the events allow for more in depth characterization of others characters. (that and the backstages ofc)

(so yeah my offer to give you a recording of the events once you’re done with chap 4 is still up - might even give you some laid back reading with no stress while unlocking act 2)

ANYWAY NEXT ON IS AUTUMN.... That’s gonna be something.

OMI... YEAH... Juzaaaaaaa... even Banri..... aaaahhh i love them...

and then banri just walked up like “pokemon trainer rules. our eyes met so we’re gonna fight”

Most accurate description of Banri i’ve ever seen and you’ve barely met him this is fantastic DLKFJDLFKD

I hope you’ll enjoy the ride at least ;O

I’m so glad you seem to have liked Summer that much!! I hope you’ll get to enjoy more and more as it goes!

Take care and good luck and i’m always available if you need to ramble ;O

#aaah it makes me so so so so happy aaaaaa #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets-of-beauty #ichareply

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dayasbun · 5 years

Text

Fame - Angus Cloud (4)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 {reading now}

“Fuck right there- Oh my god please-” You moaned holding his hair. “You never had anyone eat your pussy like this before right?” he said eating deeper as you moaned and squirmed. “Only you baby, this pussy is only you-”

“Yo wake the fuck up, you making weird noises and shit.”

You sat up taking in a deep breath and inspected your surroundings. There stood a worried Angus with a mug in his hand. “I'm fine...” you said quite unconvincingly.

“You sure? I went to make you some tea and came back to you rolling around and groaning and shit, thought that strange netflix monster had come to you or sum.”

“The demogorgan-”

“Yeah that shit!” He sat next to you on the edge of the bed. “Nightmare?” he asked softly as he handed you the tea.

“Well not exactly...” You took the warm mug and took in a long swig of the warm goodness. It's not like you were just going to openly tell him ‘Oh no, I just had a dream about you eating me out and I loved every second of it.’ “Actually yeah, a nightmare.” you lied.

“I hate those, what was yours about?”

“I...a monster ate me alive and I couldn't stop it.”

Angus shook his head. “Damn mamas, I’m sorry. Those suck, I know its like 2 pm, but let’s eat some breakfast and try to forget about it.”

You nodded standing up and stretching “Thanks...for the tea.”

“Of course, don’t girls love tea? Ion know, I don't really be sleeping with girls that often.” He chuckled walking into the small kitchen.

“Tea is amazing!” You exclaimed, following him and sitting on the counter. “I love tea in all seasons, it has so many benefits.”

“Yeah? What’s some of them benefits.”

“Well green tea has amazing antioxidants, and is a more naturally caffeinated drink than coffee- with not as many negative results. But don't get me wrong, I really do love my coffee- anyway! Tea can help straighten and strengthen bones, brighten your smile, and help you lose weight!!”

“Oh wow.” He laughed “I didn't even care about all that tea shit, just wanted to hear your voice. But it was actually kinda interesting.”

“Yeah- and don't worry about a lack of my voice, I never shut up.”

“You right about that; but before you get all defensive, its aight. I like hearing you blab off about random stuff ion care about.”

You felt your face grow hot as you stifled a giggle that wanted to come out. “Thank you. I think I talk too much, but hey, can't really stop it y’know?” Angus nodded as he cracked 5 eggs into a pan. “You just be going off about stuff- actually you was sleep talking a little bit.”

Fuck.

“Yeah? What was I saying?” you asked innocently, hoping he didn't say what he was most definitely about to say.

“Well it was when you had that nightmare. Was the monster a cow or sum? Cuz you kept saying ‘Angus’ so like.” He turned to look at you “I figure it wasn’t me, but it was probably like...some beef monster.”

“Oh yeah, for sure a beef monster.”

“And that beef monster was eating you huh?”

You smoothly tucked your hair behind your ear and nodded with a sweet smile “Mhm.”

Angus gave you a quick up and down look before turning around and continuing to scramble the eggs. You had to change the current topic or you'd die of embarrassment, so you decided to bring up the topic of the show instead. “Do you know which scenes we’re filming tomorrow?”

“Yeah, no sex scenes until next week. Tomorrow they finna do you coming back and me reminiscing on the old times.”

“Okay cool. I have those lines down, pretty simple...” You mumbled.

“Yeah me too.”

A butcher knife couldn't even cut the tension in the room right now. Fuck, a chainsaw couldn't either.

“So like... I’m gonna go change and I'll be right back? Sound good?”

“You can wear summa my stuff. If you want- you don’t got to i'm just offering.”

“Oh that'd be great thanks! You know my trailer is just so far away!” You joked, knowing that it was only next door. You hopped off of the counter and followed him back into the room you two had just come out of.

“You just want one big shirt? Girls be doing that alot nowadays.”

“Yeah, thanks that'd be great...”

“So the biggest shirt I got got some barbecue stains on it- ignore it. I just went off on some spicy wings the other day-”

You burst out laughing and sat on the bed “Gus it’s fine, gimme!” You pulled your shirt off and held out your hands. He turned back around to find you only in your bra and shorts.

“Yooooo-”

“Its fine, we have to be completely naked with each other next week. Titties are just titties.” You took the shirt out of his hands and put it on. After pulling off the shorts that you wore underneath the shirt; that was more like a dress- and folding them, you walked back into the kitchen and reclaimed your spot on the counter.

“Well I know one problem we won't have!” You stated with a smirk.

“Yeah, and what's that?”

“Drake was worried you wouldn't be able to ‘get it up’...but honestly, I don’t think it'll be too hard.”

“Why you think that?”

“Look down.”

Sure, Angus wouldn't let you live down the wet dream you had about him for quite a while, but you'd never let him live down the boner he got- just from seeing you in a bra.

“So. Let's get to the real real.” Storm said pulling her knees up to her chest with a grin. “What the hell is going on with you and Angus?”

You, Storm and Daya were hanging in your trailer. You three were the only girls that didn't have scenes to film right now, Alexia, Barbie and the rest of the female cast were shooting night scenes. They had helped you set up the place to seem more homey, and now the newly formed trio you were a part of was in your bed with microwave popcorn, juicy juice, and twizzlers.

“Nothing Storm! Actually nothing I-”

“Nope, don't do that.” Z quickly cut you off. “Everyone can see it, it’s like what everyone on set talks about.”

“What?-”

“Plus, he talks about you too much, and you do the same with him! Earlier I said I wanted to pop some microwave popcorn and you started telling me about some conspiracy he told you about popcorn and microwaves, how they’re a secret way in for the government- like girl! Don't tell me you're so whipped that you're out here believing this stuff!”

“OKAY! Okay! I get it...look Gus is-”

“Gus?! You call him Gus?”

“Yeah?-”

“He literally hates that nickname with a passion. He gotta love you.” Storm chuckled grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“Okay well Angus is cute. He’s sweet and funny and caring- BUT. I won’t let anything happen between us, it’s like...business. This field is acting- and I don't think it would be good for us to do anything more, especially during filming.”

Z sighed. “Falling for your costars is weird.”

“Yeah.” Storm chimed in. “Our girl Daya been there and done that...but it never really affected her acting. She's so talented that she could keep it hidden off screen and focus on her character. I mean I know you talented Y/N...but you not my big sis like Z, so I don't really know how you'd be able to deal with it yet. Drake already seemed a bit iffy about it because he could tell you two had a little something going, but the thing comforting him is y'all are talented. So he knows you can do it- I know you can too.”

“Yeah he sent us a letter about it...it's just hard. I can't lose this role, I've come so far.”

“I don't think you’ll lose it. I think you'll be fine. Just keep a business mindset when on set. What goes on off screen and behind closed doors is your business, girl. Drake or nobody can stop that- Jesus can't even stop that!”

You and Storm giggled at Zendaya’s last comment. “Yeah yeah yeah...okay I get it guys. I got this- period.”

“Period.”

“Period...So were you one of those girls that watched all the Fez scene compilations on Youtube and drooled?” Storm teased you.

“No!” You said firmly, knowing you were lying.

“Oh she definitely was.”

“I wasn't!”

“I just don't see it! Angus is just not attractive to me, he looks like one of those guys that stop you at the gas station with a ghetto ass group of friends- he rubs his hands together and then screams ‘Hey baby lemme get yo numbaaaa!!!!’“

In response, you practically fell over laughing “Stoppp no!”

The rest of the night was filled with giggles and whispers, and by 1 AM, you, Z, and Storm were all huddled up in your little twin trailer bed. They snored softly but you couldn't seem to sleep. Just as you were .1 seconds away from drifting off, your phone buzzed next to you.

Angus☁️: u uppppp

-oh wow yeah that's not the most fboy thing ever to send at 1:27 am

Angus☁️: see all you had to say was yes you didn't have to do allat

-can i help you mr cloud

Angus☁️: what typa help you offering?

-whatever help you need.

Angus☁️: you finna have some more beef dreams tonight?

-you finna get a boner if you see me in my bra again?

Angus☁️: maybe.

-then i'll say maybe too.

Angus☁️: you're too much

-i know i am, did you film today?

Angus☁️: ye i had some scenes wit jacob

-wit

Angus☁️: leave me alone

-you texted me

-and wow you sound really mature rn not at all like a five year old

Angus☁️: if i was w you rn id make you regret that

-was that supposed to be a threat or a way to try to make me sext

Angus☁️: both

-you should go text all the hoes you have waiting for you at home

Angus☁️: im texting them at the same time

-boy...

Angus☁️: im plAyin

Angus☁️: only you :)

-getting soft???

Angus☁️: no and i wish this was instagram dms so i could unsend it fuck

-fuck

Angus☁️: thats another thing you was saying during your ‘nightmare’

-STOP NO I WAS NOT

Angus☁️: yeah i know you wasnt lmao i just like messing w you

-you can mess w me whenever you want to

Angus☁️: oh bet????

-goodnight angus

Angus☁️: nah i want you to tell me about me messing w you

Angus☁️: damn you really left

Angus☁️: thats wrong

Angus☁️: doing me dirty

-GTS MY PHONE KEEPS GOING OFF

Angus☁️: then put it on silent?

-NO

Angus☁️: ill stop being annoying if you come over here

-i cant, im w z and storm too

Angus☁️: shit okay well it was worth a shot

-why, what was you planning to do

Angus☁️: cuddle

-its fr time for you to go bed, i think your sleepiness is making you too soft and taking the hood away

Angus☁️: goodnight

-goodnight

Angus☁️: gn

-gn

Angus☁️: night

-night

Angus☁️: GOODNIGHT

-OKAY GN

Angus☁️: STOP REPLYING

Angus☁️: night

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins

#euphoria #angus cloud #fez euphoria #fezco euphoria #hbo euphoria #angus cloud fic #fezco imagine #fezco x reader #fezco fluff #fezco fic

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 5 years

Text

I Have Confidence (SMUT)

anonymous said: bitch u better FEED me some Ben smut you’re like one of the only good writers in this fan base and I throw it BACK for Ben so idk do something with drunk y/n and ben and it’s playful and y/n is kinda needy or literally write whatever u want I’ll fucking cash app u sis I’m desperate!

(a/n: OMG I am 100% flattered that you think I’m one of the greats I literally feel like im in such a small corner of the fanbase bc im such a dweeb but that makes me cry happy tears THANK U. also yes i know i’ve already had a roger imagine w battleSHIPS in it but.... this is battleSHOTS bitch. NOW BACK TO UR REGULAR SCHEDULED BEN SMUT yall got spoiled w the fluff from the last post)

(p.s. u can still venmo/cash app me if u want im a broke college student pls spare change ma’am)

“Battleshots? You Americans are fucking mental, I swear.”

Ben was seated across the table from you, cross-legged on the chair that was currently actually a bit too warm for comfort. Both of you were out on his balcony, sitting at a table that was lit only by the late evening sun and the light streaming out of the door that led into his house.

You’d fashioned two makeshift Battleshots boards out of two small pizza boxes, seeing as you’d ordered pizza in tonight and the boxes had reminded you of your favorite party game. There was a grid on the bottom and top, and you each had 9 shot glasses filled with different liquors placed on the board in formations of 4, 3, and 2, just like the game of Battleships.

“It’s fun, don’t knock it til you try it,” you warned, peeking over the top of the box that was propped up on a cup and smiling. Ben’s curious green eyes met yours, and he laughed as he saw you stick your tongue out at him. “Winner finishes shots, or loser finishes winner’s shots? Your choice.”

“I say winner doesn’t have to finish their shots, that’s only fair.” He then sat back in his chair and pursed his lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t want loser to finish the winner’s shots either, because I don’t think you can handle more than 9 shots.”

“Oh? Someone’s got a big head, don’t they?” you teased, raising an eyebrow and rolling your eyes playfully as he shrugged, smiling smugly.

“I have confidence in my abilities.” An exaggerated groan left your mouth as you flipped him off, trying not to laugh at how cocky he was being. “In all aspects of life,” he added with an eyebrow wiggle, making you pretend to gag as you waved your hand dismissively at him.

“I don’t want to hear about your sex life right now, Ben.”

“Why not? You seemed to enjoy my sex life a lot a couple nights ago.” A blush crept across your cheeks as you grabbed the decorative pillow you’d bought for him that was resting on the chair next to you, throwing it at him as he tried to imitate your moans.

He caught the pillow, laughing, and put it right back where it belonged as he gave you a knowing look. “You’re a pervert,” you mumbled, sitting up in your chair and grabbing your marker as you moved your cup of orange juice closer – you were using it as a chaser, while Ben opted for some kind of soda you hadn’t paid attention to.

You began the game of Battleshots, neck and neck with Ben throughout the first part until you both only had three shots left. You weren’t feeling anything yet, probably having taken the shots too close together, but you knew it would hit you soon. Standing up was something you were starting to fear.

But then Ben knocked out your last three in three successive rounds while you missed the rest of his, and you accepted defeat with only mild complaining as Ben cheered loudly, ever the gracious winner.

“I’ll take my winnings in cash or check, whichever works,” he teased, making you groan and climb up off your chair. Yep. There it was. You felt a warmth spread throughout your body and a dizziness overtake you as you stood, and you had to grab onto the chair next to you to ground yourself for a moment.

“Oof…. I’ve never lost this game,” you admitted sheepishly, Ben’s chuckles turning into cackles of laughter as he went to open the door for you, watching you make your way inside as best as you could. He was feeling something, but by no means was he as tipsy as you – if anything, he just felt a slight buzz, while you were verging on actually being drunk if you drank anything else.

Ben followed you as you headed to the kitchen to get yourself a water, and you glared at him as he continued to tease you, obviously in a great mood from winning. “Do you need help getting the water open? You’re a right mess, Ms. Second Place.”

“Oh, shut up,” you grumbled, taking a drink of the water and flipping him off as you leaned back against the counter.

He only laughed, unfazed by your grumpiness as he came over to place his hands on either side of you, effectively trapping you. “Does the winner get a kiss, at least?” He puckered his lips, closing his eyes and waiting for you to close the gap between you two. Scowling, you did the first thing you could think of – pouring some of your water onto his mussy, slightly curly blonde hair. The look of shock on his face was worth it all as he pulled away, gasping and pushing your hand away. “You little-“

“Cry about it,” you interrupted as you sat the water down, shrugging before taking off in a stumbling run and laughing deliriously as he scrambled after you, nearly slipping completely on the puddle of water that had gathered on the kitchen floor.

You made it all the way to the hallway upstairs before Ben caught you – he’d taken the steps two at a time, damn his thighs and stamina – and he grabbed you by the waist, lifting you up into a vice-like grip as you shrieked with drunken laughter, fighting against his arms even though it was clearly pointless.

“You’re gonna get it now!” he laughed breathlessly, carrying you into his bedroom and tossing you down on the bed before pouncing on you immediately, his hands going to your sides to tickle you mercilessly. He wouldn’t stop until you were gasping for air, begging him to give you a break, and even then, he kept his hand resting on your tummy as he fell to the side, grinning over at you. “You look like a mess, love.”

Giggling softly at the amused look on his face, you shook your head before crawling on top of him, straddling his torso before sitting down on his abdomen carefully, only eliciting a small release of air from him before he shifted just slightly to make it more comfortable. “You’re quite a dickhead, making fun of a drunk girl like this.”

His eye roll only made you laugh again, and he grabbed your hips, carefully scooting back so he could sit up and support himself on his elbows. “I feel no remorse, hard to feel bad when I get a pretty girl on my lap because of it.”

Your cheeks turned an even rosier color than the alcohol had already made them as you grinned, shaking your head before leaning down to kiss him gently, mumbling against his lips between kisses. “You’re such a flirt too.”

“Also no regret,” he quipped back calmly, resting a hand on the back of your neck and locking you into the kiss as he laid back on the bed again, taking you with him. Deepening the kiss eagerly, you made a happy noise as you felt the world spinning, half from the liquor and half from the feeling of Ben’s hands sliding up the back of your thighs to come and rest on your ass. When you pressed your ass back into his hands eagerly, he chuckled softly into the kiss, pulling away for a moment to mumble, “Someone’s excited.”

“Shut up, I’m drunk and my boyfriend is hot,” you mumbled right back, grinning before pulling him into an open-mouthed kiss, eliciting a groan from the back of his throat when you swirled your tongue around his, both of you tasting like tequila, while you left him with the taste of orange juice. The sound only made you more desperate to eliminate the layers of clothes between you, so you began tugging at the hem of his sweater, lifting it upwards and off when he reluctantly separated from the kiss and let you sit up.

He did the same with your shirt, tugging it up and off along with your bra before gazing up at you with a desirous glint in his eyes. The blown-out pupils scanned slowly up your torso as Ben chewed on his lower lip, just taking it all in. Shivering at the way his eyes devoured you, you had to finally distract him so he’d remember what he was doing – you circled your hips, grinding down against his increasingly hardening cock, which made his hands fly to your hips and catch them. You came to a stop with an impish grin on your face, and the playful look of disapproval in his face was quickly replaced by another look of lust when he rolled the two of you over, starting to work at the drawstring of the shorts you had on.

“Naughty girl,” he murmured, finally getting your shorts untied before tugging them off with your panties. His hand immediately moved between your legs, two fingers sliding up your folds as he grinned mischievously down at you as you squirmed slightly at the feeling, wanting his fingers inside of you. “You look so pretty right now, baby.”

“Ben, please,” you begged quietly, lifting your hips up against his touch and almost whining as he pulled his hand away, raising an eyebrow.

“Louder?”

“Damn it, Ben, please!” you repeated, pouting when he chuckled at the neediness in your voice. But his fingers returned to your pussy, rubbing your clit achingly slow and replacing the pouting look on your face with a look of relief. Eyelids fluttering closed, you let out a sigh of pure bliss as you relaxed into his touch, and you let out a soft moan of his name as he slid his middle finger into you, pumping it slowly.

As Ben finger-fucked you almost lazily slow, he pulled your legs over his shoulders one by one, laying stomach-down on the bed and trailing wet, open-mouthed love bites along the inside of your thighs. Then, the feeling of his mouth latching onto your clit made you moan out in surprise, and you ran a hand back through his damp blonde hair and giggled drunkenly as you remembered the water you’d left on the counter. “Fucking water,” you mumbled to yourself, pressing a hand to your forehead and laughing at how feverish you felt from the alcohol.

“Not funny,” he mumbled as he pressed another kiss to the inside of your thigh, and you were prevented from making a smartass remark by the simultaneous addition of another finger to your pussy and Ben’s tongue pressing against your clit, then flicking against it rapidly.

“Ohmygod, nevermind, you’re so right,” you breathed out, and you could hear Ben snicker to himself before he attached his lips to your clit again, sucking hard and eliciting an embarrassingly whorish moan from you. “Fuck you,” you mumbled once you’d stopped seeing stars for the moment, Ben’s fingers curling up inside of you and making you whimper softly in pleasure.

“That’s the plan.” His comebacks were rapid-fire today, and you thanked everything holy that you’d been blessed with such a keeper as he moved his lips up to your tummy, trailing kisses all the way up to your breasts. He used a third finger to slowly stretch you out as he began to suck on the skin of one of your breasts, purposefully trying to leave a hickey as small moans and whines left your lips.

You were unable to control your vocalizations as his fingers thrust in and out of you, and you did whine needily as he retracted them, leaving you feeling empty again. But he was already off the bed, grabbing a condom from the nightstand as you sat up shakily on your elbows, glancing at his jeans and biting your lip. You’d barely helped him out at all, you were so drunkenly focused on your own pleasure. “Do you need me to-“

“Nope,” he replied, popping the p as he unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down along with his boxers and kicking them off as he revealed he was already completely hard. You raised an eyebrow as he crawled back between your legs, backing you up to the pillows and rolling the latex onto his cock. “Hate to admit it, but those little sounds you make when I eat you out? Drive me fucking bonkers, honestly.”

A wide grin crossed over your face, and he rolled his eyes playfully as he took you by your sides, flipping you over so you were facedown against the mattress. As you raised your hips a bit, Ben met you in the middle, sliding his condom-covered cock between your folds and biting his lip. “Aw, not gonna let me see you fuck me?” you whined, Ben groaning as he shook his head, lining himself up.

“God, no,” he muttered, sliding into you and making you moan out lowly as he filled you, digging his stocky, strong fingers into your hips to hold you still when he almost bottomed out. “Can’t stand seeing you that smug right now,” he teased, making you laugh weakly as you tried to focus on his voice, not the fact that he was nearly balls deep in you.

“What? You get to be smug when you win, but I-“

Ben didn’t give you the chance to finish as he pulled out, then snapped his hips back forwards again. That effectively shut you up, instead making you bury your face in a pillow so the entire world wouldn’t hear you moan loudly at the sudden sensation. “You’re such an ass,” you panted when you finally regained your senses, and Ben chuckled knowingly as he began to thrust again, your eyes fluttering shut.

“I know,” he replied quietly, his thrusts shaking his gravelly voice as he moved a hand to your hair, pulling it all into his hand as he fucked into you. The only thing keeping you on balance and stopping the room from spinning was the tight grip you had on the comforter, which was the only grounding presence at the moment besides Ben’s increasingly tight grip on your hair.

The room was filled with the sound of skin on skin and wanton moans as Ben took you from behind, your legs nearly failing to keep you up several times when his thrusts sped up or slowed down. When he sped up, he’d let out little curses and grunts in that deep tone of his as he pounded into you, but when he’d slow down, his deliberate, angled thrusts would nearly overwhelm your senses.

When a particularly deep thrust made you moan out his name loudly, an undying smirk graced Ben’s lips as he continued to bottom out in you, pleased with the way he was turning you into a moaning mess and also dangerously close to becoming a moaning mess himself. As he neared his orgasm, he’d started to push your face more and more into the mattress, your cheek forced into the soft expanse of the comforter as his thrusts got sloppier and more desperate.

“I fucking love you,” he mumbled out at one point, and you grinned before letting out something that was a mixture of a laugh and a moan, pressing your hips back to meet his thrusts eagerly.

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied as sweetly as you could muster – which was hard, considering the situation – and he rewarded you by reaching around you with his free hand to rub your clit, making you whimper and whine in pleasure. You were already teetering on the edge, and this was making it almost impossible to hold out any longer. “Shit, I’m close, babe.”

“Me too, fuckin’ hell,” he breathed out, speeding up his thrusts as much as he could and matching the pace with his hand. He let go of your hair, instead moving that hand back to your hip and squeezing it encouragingly. “Come for me, babygirl.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you cried out as the dual stimulation became too much, and you felt your high take over as every nerve-ending in your body simultaneously felt like it was shocked with a high-voltage energy.

Ben bit his slightly swollen lip, trying to stave off his orgasm as long as he could, but the feeling of you clenching around him mixed with the sound of your breathy, high-pitched moans was too much, and he had to move his other hand to your hips to hold you to him as his hips stuttered. Buried inside of you, he released into his condom while groaning your name brokenly, digging his fingers into your hips. Halfway through, he pulled out, giving his cock a few quick pumps with his hand to finish himself off.

You were down off your high first, Ben close behind, and you could barely walk without wobbling as you climbed off the bed, making your way to the master bath and grabbing wet washcloths – one for him, one for you. You cleaned yourself up, then returned to the bedroom, slightly more sure that you weren’t going to fall over on the way back, and you tossed the washcloth to him. He’d already disposed of the condom, and he gladly accepted the towel before cleaning himself up, then pulling on his boxers.

You tugged his sweater and your panties on, crawling into bed and curling into his side as he joined you, pulling the covers over the both of you. You were still reasonably tipsy, and you giggled as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, having already caught his breath.

“God, your stamina,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and shaking your head before nuzzling his neck, moving to lay halfway on top of him.

“As I said earlier,” he reminded you, wrapping his muscled arms around your waist and resting one of his hands on your ass, giving it a gentle pinch. “Confidence in my abilities. You should give it a try.”

“I should have confidence in your abilities?” you joked, only slurring your speech a bit, and Ben chucked before giving your hip a light pat as he shook his head.

“Well, that’s not what I meant. But that too.”

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#ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader smut #ben hardy smut #ben hardy smut imagine #borhap imagine #borhap smut #borhap

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vernonluver · 5 years

Text

24 hrs - wong lucas

prompt- 24 hours with your secret boyfriend wong lucas

word count- 1.9k

note- omg im posting hehe uhh theres no warnings in this besides so angst and theres literally no talking in this my bad homes

5:00am

It happens almost every morning, you get a text from your boyfriend telling you good morning and how much he loves you. That he knows you’re asleep but somehow someway you’ll wake up from your deep sleep to text him back before his recordings start. You’ve been with Lucas for a year and for that year the only two people who know of the relationship are you two, and you’ve made it work. The sneaking around gets old and sometimes you feel like he forgets you exist, but he doesn’t, it’s quite the opposite actually. You’re always on his mind, when he’s surrounded by camera crews and his band mates the only person he can’t seem to forget is you. When these thoughts get too much the text at five in morning always comes and you feel the love from him pour through his words.

“Good morning my love, today the guys and I are filming for a variety show that I don’t know much about, hopefully that doesn’t bite me in the as haha. I love you so much and I hope your morning is wonderful despite classes. Text me when you wake up, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you tonight. <333333”

7:00am

Your alarm never fails to leave you agitated, the shrill sound pissed you off beyond belief but you know that you have to make your eight am because if you miss another class your professor would kill you. You look at your phone to see Lucas’ text to you, a smile finding its way onto your tired face, he never failed to make you smile like a dummy. He was the love of your life and you couldn’t wait for the day you could tell the world. He made the gloomy days so much brighter with his loud laugh and contagious smile. You sent him a text back telling him about your plans for the day that you hoped his filming goes well and that you love him too. You drag yourself out of bed, your feet feeling a little lighter now that you’ve talked to your boyfriend, your eight am was waiting for you and who were you to keep intro to psych waiting?

9:30am

Your first class of the day was over and you had an hour and a half to kill before heading to your second and final class of the day. You decide that feeding yourself would be best and you head to the cafe that had the muffins you loved so much. After a long day for Lucas you brought him a muffin from the cafe that sits on the edge of campus, it was a chocolate one, that was probably the happiest you had seen Lucas in weeks. The muffin brought him so much joy you couldn’t help but buy one for yourself along with a coffee, you ate the food with a smile on your face.

12:30pm

Your class had finished for the day and now it was time to go have lunch with your friends, you were very lucky to have them. When you couldn’t see Lucas they always cheered you up, and they loved to go and eat lunch. They’re loud laughs always made your cheeks hurt from smiling so big. Half way through talking about due dates and horrible teachers your back pocket buzzes meaning you got a text. When you saw Baby<3 pop up on your screen you tried your best to hide the smile that was fighting to take over your face.

“I hope your classes went well today my baby, there is only a few more hours left of shooting and then I’ll be able to head to yours and give you all the hugs and kisses I want hehe. I love you, have fun with your friends!”

He was so sweet, so sweet it almost hurt you. Sometimes you felt like you didn’t deserve him, that he was too good and too pure. These thoughts didn’t have time to take over before one of your friends called you out for smiling at your phone, an eyebrow raised as if asking who is it that is making you blush. You hope the excuse of a picture of your dog from home will trick them once again.

2:30pm

You smile at your coworkers and greet customers as you walk into the small coffee shop you work in, It wasn’t the best place to work and the pay kind of sucked but it payed the bills, and that is all you could ask for. The four hour shift felt like it could last for forever when you know that Lucas would be at your house in just a few hours, he just couldn’t seem to leave you alone today. He invaded very thought you had, you wondered if he would like the new drink your cafe had been promoting, or what he would think of the things you’re learning in class. He followed you around like a shadow but without actually being there. Lucas had you so sidetracked today that you accidentally called out his name instead of a customers, you were so embarrassed you couldn’t look the guy in for the rest of the time he was in the cafe.

6:30

You leave the cafe smelling like coffee beans and sugar, the smell almost too sweet. You were so excited to see Lucas you almost forgot you needed to pick up dinner for the both of you. Thai food, you loved it and he couldn’t seem to eat enough of it. The wait wasn’t long and soon you were on your way to you apartment and texting Lucas that you were off work and picked up food. He texted back a few minutes later saying that he had just gotten back to the dorms and to give him another hour to sneak off. You smiled at the text and sent him back some hearts. Before you knew it you were at your apartment.

7:00pm

Once you’re home and the food is in the microwave to stay warm you hop in the shower to get the smell of coffee off of you. You text Xuxi that you’re home, that the front door is open, and that your roommate isn’t home. The shower doesn’t last very long and soon you’re changing into shorts and one of Lucas’ shirts, somehow it still smells like him even after being in your house for so long. You see a text from Lucas ten minutes ago saying that he’s about twenty minutes away. You put some night cream on and try and dry your hair as much as you could.

7:25pm

You heard the door open and shut and then foot steps sounded into the kitchen where you stood. You turn around and a huge smile took residence on your face. Lucas was covered in black from head to toe, even a mask adorned his face. Your legs moved before your mind and soon you had your arms around his neck and you were pressing kisses everywhere his mask wasn’t. His laugh flooded the apartment and his hands pulled down the mask and he pulled you closer to him so he could finally kiss you. His lips were soft, as they always were, and his grip was tight on your waist. It had been a few weeks since you last saw each other, and the desperation in your kisses and touches expressed that wanting for the both of you. Soon you both break away, breathless but the hunger you both felt was over powering. You both sat down, the thai food in your laps and you both talked about your days. Lucas told you about all the dumb ass games the host made all the boys play and you told him about the ridiculous amount of homework your psych professor assigned you. Every so often between bites he would lean over and kiss you, once, twice, maybe three times just to hear you laugh and feel you on him. You ached to have this every day, not just once every few weeks when he could seek out of the dorms. You had to wait, and you understood that, but it didn’t make it any less painful.

8:00pm

You told Lucas to go shower and take his makeup off, you knew he couldn’t be comfortable in his skin tight clothing that the stylist always put him in. While he showered you cleaned up the kitchen and tried your hardest to push away the sadness that was slowly filling your chest. You didn’t want him to leave, you wanted him to always be with you and stay in your arms, no matter how selfish it was. He is you baby and you never wanted to let him go. When he got out of the shower, now in clothes that he kept at yours just in case, you laid in bed. His chest was against yours and his head was in the crook of your neck. You could feel his breathing matching up every time you ran your fingers through his dark hair.

9:30pm

You two decided that you wanted to watch We Bare Bears. You find comfort in the show, and he found it funny. He found ice bear super funny, you swear you had never seen him laugh as hard as he did when Ice Bears drone got smashed by the subway. His laugh sounded like music to your ears. Lucas kept kissing you, leaving small pecks all over your face, neck, and shoulders. He never wanted to leave your side.

10:30pm

You’re both tired, but neither of you want to sleep. You don’t want to leave his arms and he would rather never have another shooting if it meant he got to spend the rest of his time like this. How he was able to spend the night with you, you didn’t know, but you didn’t question. After the TV was turned off and you two felt sleep creeping up on you, you realized you didn’t know the next time you would see him. You decided not to focus on that but on the fact that the love of your life was in your arms. You focused on his breath hitting the side of your face and how the sleepier he got the more his hands would twitch indicating that he was getting closer to sleep. You kissed his cheek and told him you loved him, he groaned in response but you knew what he meant.

5:00am

You woke up to Lucas pulling the covers over your shoulders and him kissing you on the top of your head. When he saw your eyes open he smiled down at you, telling you to go back to bed and that he would text you later and to enjoy your day. You smiled up at him and let out a raspy “I love you”, he giggled and told you he loved you too. He left the room after many more kisses and you closed your eyes, trying to get a few more hours of sleep before your classes for the day start. You’re almost asleep when you hear your phone go off. You roll over and beam at your phone seeing a text from Xuxi.

“I know I just left you but I wanted to tell you how much I love you again, thank you for staying with me when I know this situation is hard, only a few more months before we can tell the world about our love. Have an amazing day at uni and pls don’t forget to eat and do your homework. I’ll talk to you later my baby, I love you<3333”

#nct #nct imagines #nct drabbles #nct x reader #nct scenarios #nct fluff #wayv #wayv fluff #lucas #wong lucas #wong yukhei #xuxi #lucas fluff #lucas x reader

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years

Note

1, 2, 3, and 20 for the fic thing :0

thank u!!! all the fun ones omg

1. (describe urself how you’d describe a character you’re introducing) oh this some 10 yr old self insert cringey wattpad fic but yanno what? ima make it look sexy … ok im a musician & one day i want fanfic about my band & this is how i hope they write me & How I Hope to Be …. im so fucking edgy but yolo kgkjdhdgjkjfh lowkey this was fun. an opportunity to romanticize the bad bitch i hope my future self is??? fuck yeah

Farther back, to the left of the singer, was a guitar-wielding human of ambiguous gender and style - punk or goth? Neither. Or perhaps a little bit of both.Their instrument only had four strings - a bass, then; one that was black and sleek as night, but marred with finger smudges. Well-played and well-loved, surely. They seemed to prefer playing with their fingers rather than a pick, which was an interesting choice considering the fast-paced music this band was performing, but they kept up well, hitting all the notes, or at least doing a damn good job faking like they were.They plucked at the thick strings with long slender fingers, pale and made paler when paired with the black painted nails and leather fingerless gloves they had on. Black was a common motif in their look; from the fishnets peaking through their black shredded skinny jeans, to the dark and baggy t-shirt they wore. They didn’t seem to be a big fan of makeup, though, unlike most others who’d be characterized as goth. When they lifted their head, flicking their bangs from their face, hair an uncharacteristic and perhaps natural blondish-brown, it became apparent that they opted for a less striking look, at least in the face department. Aside from eyeliner coated thickly around their blue eyes, their features was clear of the stuff. Thankfully for them and their apparent penchant towards looking deathly, they seemed to be naturally pale, their skin an almost sickly shade - not quite vampiric, but damn close. They had a splatter of freckles across their cheeks, which stood out rather starkly. Freckles and blonde hair aside, they looked like they’d been born to be some type of goth, maybe even cursed with it, with pale skin and the expressionless empty eyes all goths aimed to have - but they sure seemed to have made the most of it. Despite this, there was a liveliness in this particular person. Eyes that would normally regard the world with boredom and resentfulness were now bright with passion and excitement; clearly, up on this stage, they were in their element. Mouthing the words of the songs, fingers dancing over the strings; even their body moved to the music, confident in a way they probably weren’t normally. Their eyes followed individuals in the crowd, flashing a grin at one, and a wink at another. The bass carried loudly throughout the venue, buzzing through one’s feet, right through their bones, into their chests.

O FUCK I GOT CARRIED AWAY FGFDHGFJFDHKJ I JUS WANNA BE HOT & GOTHHHHHH im so edgy gfdjhgf

for real tho im a fuckin greasy depressed stoner bum irl but ive played gigs & when im on stage i feel like a different person so thats the person i described here … with hope ill get there :D

for the record i use she/her pronouns but i am agender/gnc & look pretty ambiguous so it’s my hope that unless i got my tiddies out, ppl r jus gonna be confused as shit lmfao… tbfh they already are cuz my wardrobe rn consists of baggy thrift shop shit hmm

2. already answered uwu

3. (favorite kind of fic to write) i have a lot of fun w crime aus, but theyre hard to develop. idk tbh, i thought i found my niche but i lost it again :C

20. (four sentences im proud of) oh boi that’s hard, i have like 60 fics.. ok i went thru all my sp ones cuz thats relevant here & picked a sentence from each that i dig … excluding obooitd bc, 1) it’s huge, 2) i’ve talked abt it enough

“They run as fast as they can, but it’s no use; the front door’s flying open, and Cartman’s standing in the doorway, in a t-shirt and boxers, wielding the top half of a coat rack.” | from Hoodie - is this not an iconic mental image jgjdfkghfd

“‘And - and I wanna see you be happy. But if your - if your happiness doesn’t require a wedding dress, or, hell, if it doesn’t require me, I get that.’“ | from I Feel Like Glitter - i literally love token x nichole so much… this is from token’s little speech at the end, which is the softest thing i’ve ever written, and im rlly proud of this cuz it’s so darn cute & sappy

“’You absolute slut!’ Cartman says fondly.” | spiritual revolt - i just like the juxtaposition of that. all my writing is comedy-inclined huh. i luv domestic kyman w cartman bein an adorable shithead

“’Blowjob droughts were, like, the fourth plague of Egypt.’” | from Polaroids and Cigarettes - can you believe i invented comedy dhgjkfdh

#answered

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knockoutlives · 7 years

Text

Whatever they offer you, don’t feed the plants.

Josh: Mom just told me. congrats.

Troi: I am so proud of you Vinny! Congratulations babe! I've never been happier for you, for us!

Spencer: Congratulations Vinny! When Adam gets back from his Medical Retreat we need to go for drinks! Congrats!

Abby: Congrats big brother! I can't wait to come visit and see you on stage!

Amelia: Congratulations! I’ll see you at 2 for lunch and you can tell me all about it! Mak: Congratulations Vinny!

Kevin. MY. GOD. VINCENT ANDREW DEPOLA HOW ON EARTH DID YOU KEEP THIS HIDDEN FROM ME?!?! CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING CAST AS SEYMOUR!

Unknown Number: Congratulations!

V: thanks, who's this?

(718) 565-3489: you know who this is, we met up for drinks the other night in Queens.

(718) 565-3489 : had to get out of Manhattan to make sure your boyfriend didn't hear anything about it.

V: oh ya, thanks.

(718) 565-3489 : that's it? I'll remember that the next time we hook up, and you wanna fuck me.

Vinny sighed and looked from the phone in his gloved hands, to the city street in front of him. Scanning the empty street for anyone he could potentially know. As if even seeing them would allow the other to know who Vinny was messaging. The sender's comments made him recall the night in questions, and the corners of his lips pulled into a smile as he replied.

V: listen, I've got some things to do today. So I'm going to have to cut this short. But, I expect to see you at my place tonight at 6. He’ll be gone for a few hours.

(718) 565-3489 : fire escape, or front door.

V: fire escape, just so you don't run into him. I don't need that

(718) 565-3489 : Your wish is my command - T

Upon sending his last message Vinny locked his phone and let out an even heavier sigh as he leaned on the concrete wall of the building he had just walked out of prior to the bombardment of Text message - well wishes. Pushing off of the wall Vinny began his walk down the street heading towards Times Square, and the subway. There was a slight chill in the air, causing Vinny to wrap his arms around his midsection, and pulling his leather jacket closer to his body to conserve warmth.

A smile began to tug at his lips again as he recounted the morning.

The day had already began to speed by, though when one wakes up at six to be out the door by seven the time just begins to fly from the second you actually leave the bed. He had left Troi in the warm blankets that morning, to make his way to the gym to beat the rush. (The treadmill he liked at his gym always seemed to be taken if he was late, even If it was by five minutes.) So arriving precisely at seven fifteen gave him enough time to get his workout, shower, and get dressed into human attire by eight. Today had been no different until he left the gym and his phone began buzzing, like a virgin's vibrator on crack.

“Hello, This is Vincent….”

“Vinny, it's Camille! Would you be able to stop by the midtown studio space this morning?”

“Of course I can! What time?”

“Now, would be nice”

“I'm on my way, I’ll be there by nine!”

Jumping on the subway almost immediately after the phone call, Vinny had arrived at the rehearsal space to find his agent Camille in the lobby of the building looking as if she had just ran down the stairs of the familiar building from the rehearsal space on the fifth floor.

“Vinny!” The woman said with a grin as she took the boy into her arms. Camille was quite short, so she normally came up to Vinny's shoulder, but in her heels today she was almost at eye level. “I'm so glad you could make it, I have two people who would really like to speak to you. It was last minute but apparently they're on a tight schedule. So they needed to get a hold of you A-S-A-P.” “Oh, alright?” Vinny said confusion clear on his face. “Vinny..” Camille said her grin still growing as she stepped into the elevator and dragging Vinny in with her, the door closing behind them “...you got the part! You’re Seymour!”

-- 2:30 PM Cilantro - Upper West Side, New York City

“Oh, the second your mom read that Playbill article, it got plastered all over Facebook and you were tagged EVERY TIME. If I didn't get the call from Chrissy, I would have seen at least one of the 25 posts your family made!”

“God Amelia, I'm glad we weren't friends when I made it into Idiot. She went crazy. You would never have let me live it down. I mean I shouldn't complain though. She is my mother, Troi’s is just as bad.”

“I mean I would kill for my mom to be half as excited about a part I get. But that my friend is a totally different story. How was Troi when he found out?”

“Oh, he was happy. He had a bunch of errands to run earlier before he got to the studio earlier. So we haven't talked much just yet.”

Amelia took a sip of her mimosa and smiled across the table at Vinny. She was probably the oldest friend he had in the city, nonetheless the only one here who knew almost all of Vinny's past with and without Troi. The pair had met when Vinny was touring with American Idiot, and freshly single. In a different time and place Vinny felt Amelia might have been a perfect girlfriend for him, but with her lack of the desired plumbing and the fact that on one drunken night they may have made out, she held the coveted best friend spot and nothing more. But, of course Vinny never told Prima he might have been replaced. “Im glad things are finally working out between you guys. It was rough for a while on tour there. Until, you and Travis were a thing for a bit. You know he's in the city now, I dunno for how long but he’s got a place in Queens.” “Ya don't say?” Vinny said grabbing his Margarita and taking a large gulp of the drink.

“Ya, but we all know how you feel about taking the W into Queens. Vincent Depola doesn’t leave Manhattan unless it’s for a good reason.”

Almost instantly Vinny placed his drink down with a little too much force, and looked from Amelia to his phone. “Looks like I struck a nerve?” “No, I’m just not really in the mood to deal with any drama. And, you know drama follows him.” “Oh I know, I was living through the times of you guys screwing around AND the months following when y’all were just hating fucking. Thank god thats over” “Amen” Vinny added as he looked down at their empty plates. “So when are you going back on tour? Or, are you looking more for something more stable in the city?” “Well it depends on how the next two weeks go on Raph’s residency. I’ve got a few auditions lined up either way. If he’s leaving the city, I might jump on a tour, but there are also some workshops in and out of the city I could hop into if he stays. Why? Are you already going through withdrawls from me?” Laughing Vinny added “No! Well sort of.. I dunno.” “What’s eating at you?” Amelia responded, her tone switching almost instantly from upbeat to concern. “Nothing really, I mean it’s just weird to finally be tied down…” Sipping at his drink he continued. “...Like literally I went from the tour, to spending time home for a few months, and now I'm with Troi in New York. This isn't little old Trigger, this is the real world. And believe me I have never been happier with Troi but I just, I'm by myself too much. Granted now that I'm in the show I'll be able to rehearse and spend time with other people. But, until then it was just Troi and I, and on occasion Spadam. And you know how it is dating a dancer, or at least someone in a similar field as you. If your schedule don't align sometimes you're lucky to see them at night, again if you're lucky.”

“You sound perfectly normal Vin! It sucks, you know I know it. And that’s why I’m engaged to a doctor now. But, this is just your nerves from being pent up this long without anything really happening. Ya, you had the audition grind going, but until something happens you're on edge waiting to snap. You're in a Broadway Show now, you're going to be fine.”

Sighing, Vinny looked over at Amelia with a smile now. “I am. I'm in a Little Shop of Fucking Horrors. Finally!”

“And that's why this is on me” She added placing a credit card on the check.

--- 4:45 PM

Stepping back into the cold afternoon air the two embraced in front of the store for a moment, and then Vinny began his walk towards Central Park. Though the park wasn't too crowded this time of day, Vinny didn't mind the people that much. And, it was the fastest way to get home even if it did take him almost an hour at his leisurely pace. He enjoyed his time alone, it was something he got a lot of. But, ever since the tour ended and he went back to Trigger, it hadn't felt like he had taken a moment to just breathe, even when he was alone.

One moment he was single, and moving back home, the next he had a date with Troi. A date, that put them back on each other's radars. It took some time before he was even capable to even think about kissing Troi. Then it just happened, and happened, and happened. Numerous times, sometimes multiple at a time. Things just fell back into place, as if it was a four piece puzzle, not the complex thousand piece jigsaw their lives really were. It’s not that the two forgot about their previous qualms, but they spent almost a month just accepting the past was in the past, taking a tip from a popular ice queen and just ‘letting it go’. Most importantly though Blaise Monroe was out of their lives, and one thousand two hundred and eighty four miles away living a poor excuse of a life in Trigger, what a wash-up.

There were some days though that Vinny wondered what would have happened if he was still in Trigger? If the couple hadn’t rekindled and moved back to NYC to share Troi’s loft apartment. Would he be on another tour? Would he just be living the same washed up life, that Blaise Monroe was currently living? Or, would Travis still be in the picture, or at least in more then---

“Watch it man!” a cab driver shouted as Vinny stepped back onto the curb, lost in his thoughts and almost catching the cab’s drivers side mirror. “Damn it” Vinny mumbled under his breathe as he regained his bearings. About Halfway through the park, he could see the back of the Metropolitan Museum of Art on his left, and knew he had to go a bit more south if he wanted to get into his neighborhood without leaving the park. Walking on the streets around the park was almost as bad as Times Square. Why people flocked to this place, not even he knew. It was a beautiful park, but there were other wonders to see in the city. That were not inhabited by homeless people pissing all around, or thirsty gays cruising the bathrooms. Turning passed the Alice in Wonderland statue, Vinny felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and Troi’s voice enter his ears. “Hey there handsome” Leaning back into the other man’s arms Vinny felt his cheeks rise into a smile. Turning around he placed his hands around Troi’s neck and kissed him softly, letting his short beard rub against Troi’s stubble ridden face. “How’s my boyfriend? No excuse me how’s the new Seymour Krelborn in the Little Shop Revival!“ “I’m fine! I’m fine! Still letting it all sink in!” Vinny responded to Troi’s enthusiasm with his own. “Of course you are!” “How’d you know I was here?” Vinny added as he laced his hand into his boyfriends and continued the walk towards their apartment. “ I mean I’m far from complaining at all, I just thought you were going to be at the studio for most of the night teaching” “I was talking to Rhea about finding out you got the part, and she said she’d cover my night class. Under the conditions that I take you out to celebrate.” “ I will never feel bad about getting to spend more time with you babe, but that is entirely your call.” Looking away from his boyfriend and around the street to see where they had exited the park. Stopping for the light Vinny sighed softly, inaudible to anyone but himself,

“Of course I want to take you out tonight! Do you mind if I take a run to the gym first though?”

Almost immediately Vinny smiled at Troi and nodded his head. “Ya, totally!” Vinny added with a little too much excitement.

“Wow, someone's happy I'm not just at the studio,and actually going out of my way to put a little extra muscle on.”

Vinny couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend's response as he reached his free hand over to jokingly feel Troi’s abs.

“Not enough yet.”

-- 5:55 PM

(718) 565-3489 : I should be there a little after seven ;)

“Vinny! Have you seen my shaker?”

Quickly locking his phone, Vinny looked up from the couch towards his boyfriend in the bathroom. “Uh, probably in the kitchen, or maybe your gym bag?” He added hopping up from his place on the couch and moving towards the window to unlock it. “Do you need a protein shake today? I mean we are going for dinner afterwards. I don't want to be the one eating a five course meal and then you have a carrot. Those days are long over.”

Emerging from the bathroom Troi was in a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, tugging on a hoodie while almost walking into their kitchen counter. “You're right I guess, I'm only gonna be gone for forty five minutes max.”

“Good! Now go! I'm hungry” Vinny shot back playfully at Troi, as he wrapped his arms around the other and kissed him softly. Biting Troi's lower lip gently, Vinny pulled away and ran his hands over Troi's abdomen once more. “I love you.”

“I love you too!” Troi added with another quick peck, as he gathered his keys and drawstring bag and headed out the door.

As soon as the door shut Vinny practically ran too it to lock both the deadbolt and chain the door, making sure there was no way of potential disruptions. From the door, he made his way to the bathroom to throw some water on his face and check his reflection. He had changed when he had gotten home, from his casual wear to his Grade-A bum attire. Sweat shorts, an oversized hoodie, and his thick framed glasses Because, contacts just hurt after a while.

Staring at himself in the mirror Vinny closed his eyes tightly and ran a hand through his messy hair. Then he heard it, a light rapping on the living room window. The window had opened as he returned to the room to see his guest finishing his window entrance. Brushing himself off and placing his bag on the floor, Vinny’s eyes trailed up the familiar body and he smiled when he reached the man’s face which was covered in shadow from his hood. Not caring about the cold breeze coming through the open window, Vinny stepped closer and placed his lips to the other man’s. Wrapping his arms around him, Vinny broke the kiss to place his head on the others shoulder. The other man did not hesitate to place his stubble ridden mouth onto Vinny’s now exposed neck, tugging lightly on the skin with his teeth. Swatting the back of the man’s head Vinny dragged them down to the couch, where he was straddled by the other male. “No marks!” Reaching around the others waistband, Vinny let his hands wander across the other’s ass and playfully squeezed. Catching the other's mouth in his own Vinny began to remove the others hoodie when --

“Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight. She is the one named Sailor Moon!”

“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,” The other said un-straddling Vinny as the latter ran his hands up his face and began laughing softly. Standing up and closing the window; the other man leaned on the counter top, one arm on the counter the other rubbing his face.

Laughing still, Vinny bent down and fished out two phones from the bag by the window and brought them over too the counter. Placing his hand on the other’s neck he ran it north towards the man's hair, and in doing so he pushed down the hood revealing Troi from the shadow.

“Babe, next time you decide to seduce me as a stranger. Turn your old phone’s ringer off ,maybe?”

Grinning at his boyfriend Troi grabbed Vinny's waist to pull him into his side, and kiss the other's forehead while on the balls of his feet. Still biting back laughter Vinny pulled Troi into his chest and kissed the top of the shorter boys head.

“Jeeze, I wish I could say this was the first time I've been cock blocked by Sailor Moon.”

“Hey, it's probably my mother trying to get a hold of you in the first place.”

“Even better! I wish I could say that this was the first time getting cock blocked by your mother.”

Picking up the iPhone in the Sailor Moon case, Vinny saw the missed call was in fact from his future mother in law, and handed the phone back to Troi; before returning to the foreign phone still on the counter.

“So this, is what's finally given you a New York area code.” “Surprise!” Troi added sarcastically as he relocated by hugging the other from behind. Vinny, while toying around with the phone, felt Troi run his hands down his sides and under his hoodie. “ I can give you the entire tour of it, after we take care of something else.” Letting,his hands lower from Vinny’s abs, Troi slipped under the waistband of Vinny’s sweatpants and began searching for his target.

“Oh really now?” Vinny said as he turned (not gracefully) to face his boyfriend, and caught Troi’s lips in his own. Running his own hands across the other’s chest, Vinny straightened himself up and walked Troi backwards to their room. Breaking the kiss, as they crossed the threshold into the dark room Vinny softly pushed Troi onto the bed, and closed the door behind him. “I mean you still need to get a workout in before dinner” “I mean I could use a protein shot.” “Oh ya? Like you needed one the other night at that shady speakeasy in Astoria?” “Hey, that dinner was painful, a little exciting sex in a seedy bathroom livened it up a bit” “God I love you..” Running his hands down Troi’s sides Vinny noticed that in the time it took him to close the door, and make the room completely black Troi had removed his shirt and hoodie. His skin warm, as Vinny felt the smaller boy quiver under his touch. Tracing designs along the other’s chest, his hands teased the soft skin of Troi’s nipples. Where he tweaked the other softly, gaining an audible gasp from the boy under his touch. ‘I thought you weren’t going to follow through with your texts when Rhea let you out early.” Leaning down towards Troi’s left nipple Vinny placed his lips and began teasing the other with his tongue and biting softly on the erect flesh. “And miss out on this? Why did you think I decided to go to the gym? Babe,” Troi gasped and tried to regain his composure. “...today is my off day. I was at the studio all morning. You’re lucky I was able to climb the fire-escape at all.” As Vinny continued to work on Troi’s nipples, and enjoyed the soft sounds of pleasure his boyfriend was making; he began to run his hands up Troi’s muscular arms. Tracing where he knew the other’s key tattoo was, and up his shoulder where his right hand gripped the soft skin that led to Troi’s neck and jawline. Reaching down past Troi’s stomach and into the other’s sweatpants, Vinny squeezed the package that was clad in only a jock-strap. Removing his hand from near Troi’s neck, Vinny leaned up and let his lips mash against Troi’s hungry mouth. Troi wrapped his legs around Vinny’s waist as his boyfriend began to give his neck the same treatment he had previously did on his nipple. Removing his hand from Troi’s sweatpants, Vinny shucked his hoodie off while Troi greedily pulled his muscular boyfriend towards him. Vinny’s skin warming the other’s cold skin under him. While their lips waged war upon each other, their bodies worked together to have Vinny grind on Troi in ways that made the smaller boy moan through their kissing. “And to think, I used to be The Screamer.” Vinny added between panting, as Troi began to suck on his shoulder while his hands need-ily pushed Vinny’s sweat-shorts down. Leaving him exposed to the room, and in position to finish the job the two had set out to do from the beginning. Troi’s sweatpants were next to go as the warmth of their skin on skin began to drive the two wild. Reaching for the lube they kept in the bedside drawer, Vinny’s length pressed up against Troi’s grundle sending the other a bit over the edge. From the touch of Vinny’s length, and the restraint of his jockstrap Troi moaned louder than before, as Vinny silenced him with his lips covering the others. Managing to open the bottle of lube with one hand, and steady Troi with the other, Vinny was about to finish his preparations when --- “Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight. She is the one named Sailor Moon!” Troi let out a groan as he heard his phone go off again, using both of his hands he grabbed Vinny’s waist and looked for the others eyes in the darkness. Feeling Vinny’s nose rub up against the bridge of his own, he looked into where the others eyes were, and pleaded with him. “Forget it, and Fuck me.” Troi all but whispered as he slid his lips once more over his boyfriends.

And Vinny did.

#Vincent Andrew Depola #Troi Bently Vaillancourt #Trinny #Our babies are all grown up and fucking #fuck tags #OneShot:Dontfeedtheplants #OneShot:Trinny

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