#is he cruel just for cruelty’s sake or is it just a means to an end? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dorianbrightmusic · 6 months

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i'm seeing a lot of Pokémon SV DLC analyses where people say 'Oh, Kieran's fixation on Ogrepon is because he sees it as a path to strength; Carmine's bullied him long enough that his shield against admitting his weakness to himself is adoring a legendary creature'. And don't get me wrong – these interpretations certainly hold water – but I've actually been working from basically the opposite angle for all this time.

By all means, Kieran idolises strength, but he inhabits Carmine's shadow – he's the weak sibling, and probably has been for a long time. Yet, rather than fixate on the fantastical power of the Loyal Three, he identifies himself with Ogrepon – the downtrodden, ostracised creature cast out to eke out a subsistence. A terrible demon that wasn't quite terrible enough to cause anyone any lasting harm. The creature defeated by heroes, rather than the perfect, heroic figureheads themselves. He's enamoured with the downtrodden; he sees himself in its grief, in its being cast out and excluded. He's been cast out and excluded all his life (and he can't be a bad person, right? It's not fair – he's hated senselessly, surely, rather than for some reason?) – he sees himself as harmless; so the ogre, too, must be harmless, mis-blamed. Strength is thus in resistance; in growing a shell to tolerate others' inexplicable cruelty. So Kieran looks to Ogerpon, and he thinks that the meek shall inherit the earth, and it gives him the strength to tolerate long nights with poor company. Others are villains – not him, not this creature – and he's safe in the knowledge that at the end of the day, at least an ogre can go down in mythology as the putative sole survivor of its trials.

In this sense, Kieran's like Penny – he finds himself in a position of weakness, of being victimised, and forms himself an armour of being an underdog, of being the thing that bites back. Yet while Penny's position is that the underdog might muster the strength to bite back and restore justice, Kieran's view is that at least the underdog was worth loving. He's inert and preoccupied with his inertia. He can't understand that maybe he could be a human, with the capacity to grow, the capacity to sin. And when Carmine is cruel to him, he reaffirms his own contrarian mindset more – she says I am worth little for my weakness, so my weakness is all I am worth; my weakness is my strength.

And yet he chases strength, because he has to to survive. So when the player comes by, and supports him, maybe he has the safety to walk away from his preoccupation with being an underdog, to enjoy strength for strength's sake. And then, he starts losing, but this time, there are stakes, since he can't just withdraw and be consoled by the fact that withdrawing is right, is right, is right. Thus, he must get stronger. And then, when Ogerpon turns out to favour Juliana, who's become Kieran's idol for all that strength means, rather than Kieran, who's Kieran's selfsame designated weaklingpatheticscumidiot——well, what can Kieran do but fracture, since his whole ideology, his whole premonition that he might have the right to inherit the earth, has been fractured? And, under stress, he pivots from one extreme to the other. All he knows is that weakness is now unbearable. He must get stronger. Must get stronger. Must get stronger—because otherwise he's doomed, he's nothing. He has no myth to dissolve his identity in any longer, so he reshapes himself around the only other standard he's ever known. And it twists him and it breaks him into tiny pieces, because suddenly, the last thing he can bear to be is Kieran: Kieran, the downtrodden and meek boy. He has to flip on his axis; he must become the designated villain of his story by popular imagination, or else be subsumed in the fact that he's going to die someday without any place in the world. He has to play a part, because he's been consigned to one so long, and he can't think of anything other than heroes and villains, enemies and martyrs. He can't be the bad guy. Strength is now goodness; weakness is now evil. And he can't reconcile who he thought he was with who he must become, and as a result, all he can do is try to destroy the person who's destroyed his ideology.

#ngl the more i dive into kieran's character the more i worry about his mental health.#i do have a specific diagnosis in mind but it's not one i have and it's a stigmatised one so i wanna be really really careful here #still: let's just say 'black and white thinking' 'mutable identity' 'abandonment phobia' 'very rash when angry' 'emptiness'#and 'very verrrry reactive mood' – well if you know you know #anyway. he's my blorbo and he breaks my heart #pokemon sv #teal mask #the teal mask #kieran #pokemon kieran #pokémon #scarvio #scarvi #SV #scarlet and violet #pokémon scarlet #pokémon violet #pokemon scarlet #pokemon violet

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bloodlust-1 · 6 months

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༻ 3 Nights ༺ part 1

Gortash x fem Tav — mini series Explicit 18+

Summary: Gortash invites Tav to stay 3 days at his palace for the sake of an alliance. Reluctantly, she compromises for peace and it becomes an experience they won’t forget.

T/W: language, manipulation, blood

Notes: okay. Yes, he’s been my new obsession so I had to write something up. This is a bit of a long one, I’m planning to do a few parts in total. Enjoy ;)

Tav arrived at the tyrant’s palace, and she couldn’t shake off the feeling of foreboding that settled in the pit of her stomach.

Arguably, this could be the stupidest thing Tav’s ever done. To agree and comply with Gortash for the sake of an alliance for some sort of peace.

This alliance was just for the time being, of course, Tav was way too ahead of her plans to betray him when the time came. To seal the alliance, Gortash requested Tav to stay 3 days with him. Not a hard task but it made Tav extremely suspicious of him to even request such a thing.

Tav only agreed to see if she could infiltrate any plans stashed away in his office. This could totally be a one-up in the game for her. But for now…Tav forced her shoulders high with a brave feeling in her chest, and she barged right into his palace doors.

Tav was quickly met with metal steel watchers, and they instantly alerted their attention to her, “Lord Gortash has been waiting for you. Meet him upstairs in the main room, he won't ask twice.”

She rolled her eyes and swatted away the watchers. She didn't need an invitation and she sure as hell didn't need to listen to Gortash's orders. She did as she pleased, and with that, she made her way to his quarters. Making a few stops to peer into different doors here and there.

As Tav continued to his quarters she was met with a pair of dark eyes. Gortash's cold, calculating eyes seemed to pierce through her as he welcomed her to his palace. Despite his courteous demeanor, Tav could sense the aura of ruthlessness that surrounded him.

"My favorite little hero is finally here. Come in, make yourself comfortable." His words were laced with veiled threats, and she realized that he pulled out a chair for her.

Tav walked into the room, crossed her arms, and refused to sit, "I hope you have some better guest adequate considering you weren't there to greet me at the palace door. Just remember this whole —" She waved her hands around, "Thing going on is not for fun and games."

Tav despised Gortash for his cruelty and oppression, yet she knew that aligning with him was crucial for achieving her own goals. Her conscience wrestled with the moral implications of her actions, and she found herself questioning whether the ends justified the means.

Gortash's lips tugged into a smile, "Dear, this is so we can trust each other. An alliance is what you want, isn't it? We should trust one another if that's to happen."

His eyes lingered around Tav's body. It admittingly made her a bit uncomfortable although her armour did leave a lot to be desired. "Really? Armor darling. " He clicked his teeth and shook his head, "This is my home, not a battlefield."

He yelled out for a servant, who came scurrying into his quarters, "Please give our guest some proper clothing. She will be staying a couple nights here. She is to look like a proper lady before dinner. Now, go."

Tav's eyebrows furrowed as his cruel words hissed at her, "Excuse me? A 'proper lady'? That's a hunk of bullshit!" She snapped back at Gortash, who quickly ignored her by leaving the room with an amused smug on his face.

"Come, my lady, let's get you cleaned up." Tav was still on guard, but she agreed to give the servant an easy time. So, she followed her into a bedroom attached to a lavish bathroom. A marbled tub ran with warm water that was adorned with many soaps and rose petals.

Gods, when was the last time Tav enjoyed a bath?

The air was filled with the delicate scent of flowers, and Tav undressed her armor, letting it fall onto the carpet. She stepped into the warm embrace of the water and cleansed herself of any traveler grim. The soaps soaked into her skin, leaving Tav smelling divine.

After her bath, there was a set of clothes laid on the edge of the bed. Tav tried on the white dress, with golden embroidering and frilled sleeves. There was also a black corset to pull the whole outfit together. Tav felt beautiful yet uncomfortable.

The same servant walked into the room with a hairbrush and pins, "Allow me to pin your hair, my lady."

Some time had gone by before Tav was deemed "acceptable" to sit with Gortash for dinner. She thought it was absolutely ridiculous, and these days may go by slower than she thought.

Her heels clicked against the palace floor as she made her way into the dining room. When the doors opened, there he was. Those same dark eyes piercing her own.

The long dining table was set with fine china, crystal glassware, and flickering candlelight. Tav's gown shimmered in the soft glow of the room, and she purposely took her seat at the far end of Gortash.

Tav pulled out the seat and purposely plucked herself onto the chair. She looked the part but certainly didn't act like it.

Gortash’s eyebrows curved into a questionable look. He brought his elbows onto the table, bringing his fists to rest against his mouth. There was a long silent pause, he peered at Tav trying to get a good read on her.

"Let us get to know each other, hm?" He brought his hands away from his face and picked up a glass of wine instead to sip.

Tav hunched over the table, her hands balled into fists. She gave him a threatening stare, "Gortash, Did you not hear me earlier? I am not here for fun and games, so whatever it is you're trying to do — stop it."

He snickered, damn was this amusing for him. He had never met anyone who just waltzed their way into his palace to pick a fight. She was a nobody. Gortash, he was somebody. Yet she came to him with confidence, an alliance, and now she's here in his home. How entertaining was this whole debacle? He wanted to push her as much as he could. It was all a manipulation tactic to see how far he could go.

"Enver— Call me Enver for the next 2 days. But like I stated, let's get to know each other, little hero. I'd love to hear about your background." His head tilted with a mischievous smile on his face.

"That's none of your concern." Tav spat out harshly, with a threatening glare. They were both testing each other.

The air was still and tense, and Gortash's presence dominated the area. His evil smile radiated a chill throughout the room. "Isn't it? I am lord now, and I want all my baldurians to be considered. Especially my most favorite citizen."

He reached out his hand, the tips of his fingers adorned with the sharp glove that pointed into hooks. "I'd love to hear about that pathetic fucking camp you have right outside the city. A shame it would be if something were to happen while their leader's gone."

"What...How did you —"

He spoke with command, "See, that's something I learned about you. When you care to get to know someone, these things come easy. But please, you're welcome to search this whole palace all you want. Maybe you'll find something about me worth learning."

"Okay, I'll humor you— but first, we need to lay some ground rules. If you respect my rules, I'll respect yours. "

"I’m listening, Tav."

A chill ran down her spine when he spoke her name. It cringed her and only made her rules more needed, " 1: You will not hurt my camp, 2: You will not try to attack me, and 3: I will roam freely where I please."

"Yes, yes, and yes, you have my word." He nodded in agreement. The room was tense at this point, but he still locked eyes with Tav. Her beauty was one he saw in paintings, and she was free to his viewing pleasure. A thought crept into his mind: what if she was mine? An interesting thought indeed. He cleared his throat, "Tell me about yourself."

Throughout the meal, the conversation between them was polite but strained. Tav struggled to maintain her composure, her uncertainty about Gortash's intentions gnawing at her. She couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was walking on thin ice, unsure of what might be his true motive.

Despite her unease, Tav maintained a facade of politeness, engaging in small talk and lurking eyes on one another. She would look away each time she caught herself staring at his exposed chest. It angered her even more that Gortash was attractive. Only when he spoke would his image crumble for her.

As the evening wore on, she found herself carefully measuring her words and actions, acutely aware of the potential consequences of missteps in this precarious situation.

After dinner, Tav wandered around the palace. By this time, the sun had set and the palace went dark. Only a few candles lit the room, barely reaching its light out to see clearly. Tav kept a pocket knife on her hidden in the folds of her clothes.

She grabbed a candle stick and began to investigate the rooms. There were many rooms, a lot of them were untouched. Tav thought he must've been very lonely in these walls. instantly she shook her head, she did not want to pity him. After all, he's the villain.

Tav found herself standing in a room aligned with many books and a single desk inside. It appeared to be a study, and she waved her candle around the room. A fresh painting hung on the wall: a portrait of Gortash.

Tav studied the art, and it was a very well drawing of him. It even captured how deep his jacket cut, exposing the hair on his chest. She only knew this by how hard she was staring at it at dinner. Her eyes scanned his face, examining the scars on his jaw that she hadn't noticed.

A handsome man he was, truly.

Tav stepped back from the picture, she was looking for any signs of any importance. The desk was littered with folders, papers, and crumbled notes. She settled the candle on a stand as her fingers sorted out the piles of paper.

Most of what she read was events that already happened from Moonrise. Tav placed the pile down and reached out for one of the crumbled letters. It was a letter about her. Surprisingly, there were people already sending Gortash news about her even before the takedown of Ketherick.

He truly had eyes everywhere.

As her eyes lingered on the note there was a huge knocking noise. Her head shot up and was matched with Gortash’s presence. His broad physic leaned against the door way, his arms crossed and he looked at Tav questionably.

“Well— did you find anything worth learning?” His eyes were cold, his demeanor felt off, and he was already making his way towards her before words could come out.

Tav shot the letter away from her face, “You knew about me this whole time… what’s the point of this? I know my reasonings for an alliance but what’s yours?” There had been tension between them all day and enough was enough. She needed to know his intentions before she stupidly fell into his game.

Gortash grabbed Tav’s chin firmly, forcing her to look up at him. His eyes were filled with a mix of desire and control as he attempted to assert his dominance over her.

Tav's expression remained resolute, refusing to succumb to his intimidation.

She struggled against his hold, refusing to show any sign of submission. Gortash’s grip on her chin tightened. Despite his forceful demeanor, Tav met his gaze with unwavering strength, silently challenging his authority.

“Power, of course. I need you and you need me, so I’ll play nice.” His voice became low, “Only cause I tolerate you.” He forcibly tilted her face as his eyes traced the contours of Tav's face. “You are one fine specimen.”

Tav’s eyes went wide and her face went pale. Did they actually find each other attractive? Gortash continued to speak, “I’ll give you something to imagine: A kingdom loyal to their court. A king and queen sat next to each other as everyone bowed to them. Their power: unmatched. Their strength: untouchable. Their bond: unbreakable. Are you painting this picture? This could be you and I. My equal and my right hand.” The warmth of his breath hit against her skin. She was still under his hold and a rush of warmth hit her body. Her knees buckled and her face grew red. What in the hells was she thinking?!

Tav's heart started to race under his touch. He physically towered over her and his face was undeniably closer to her face than ever. Tav stared at him with defiance but her body language went against her will.

He was just another man under all this drama, and his intimidation felt almost….sensual? It was a mix of emotions she never felt.

“You can let go of my face now.”

With a swift motion, the claw of his glove snagged a small cut on her cheek. Tav winced and used all her force to push him away. She palmed her face, and the slick had already started to drip down her jaw.

Tav's adrenaline kicked in as she pulled the pocket knife out, charging at him with a shove. The blade sunk into the nape of his neck as Tav's body pinned his closely against hers on a wall.

Her eyes raged as she looked into his gaze from the dimmed light. Just as he did, she swiped her knife against his skin. Only enough to create a small laceration just like hers.

His hand gripped Tav's wrist. The claw of his gloves pressed against Tav’s skin— Giving it a tight squeeze, and knocked the knife out of her grip.

With his free hand, he closed the gap between their bodies, “Is this your way of flirting? We’re both a mess now.” The slick of blood streamed down into his chest.

Tav quickly surrendered to the pain that shot up from her wrist. So, she let her restraint down. Gortash saw her surrender and loosened his grip, “Good girl.”

Tav scoffed, “Bastard.”

“I know.”

Gortash let go of her body and walked back to the desk, opened the drawer, and pulled out a small kit of some sort. Gortash then lent out a hand, waiting for Tav to accompany it, “Come, girl.”

She frowned and shook her head, “I’m not holding your hand.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes, “Suit yourself. Let that—“ He pointed at her cheek, “get infected all you want.” It was then that Tav noticed it was a medical kit. Was he trying to clean her cut? Strange.

Gortash took the kit and walked out of the study and back into the dark halls. With an annoyed groan, Tav followed aimlessly for him. His heavy boots hitting the floor echoed throughout the hall. It gave the atmosphere an unsettling aura.

She was led into a familiar room— it was exactly the one she settled herself in earlier. Gortash dragged a nearby chair to the end of the bed. He sat down, his legs spread while he hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, “Sit.” He spoke in a commanding monotoned voice.

Tav hesitated, she had little trust in him. However, with a skeptical feeling, Tav sat on the edge of the bed in front of him. Gortash opened the kit and drenched a cotton ball with alcohol, "Look at me." He commanded with a softer tone this time.

Tav sat still as he brought the cotton to her cheek, lightly dabbing it against the wound. She winced and scrunched her face in pain.

Secretly he enjoyed seeing her in pain. Something about the way her eyes weakened sent shivers up his spine. Gortash continued to clean the cut with precision, his touch gentle yet firm. Tav's breathing began to steady as she relaxed into his care.

He reached for a bandage and carefully applied it to Tav's face. He leaned back, admiring his handiwork with a satisfied smile, "While I do enjoy the blood, I wouldn't want to mess the silk bedding. "

"I do as I please." Tav pouted. Her eyes fixated on the now-dried blood that rained down into his chest. Her eyes traced the trail into the same spot she had been staring at dinner. He was...nice, to look at she supposed.

Gortash leaned closer to her, he had caught Tav staring a little too hard at him. Being stealthy was something Tav was horrible at considering she bursted into his coronation. This realization filled him with confidence as his charm and poise alter a subtle change in Tav's behavior. She was seeing something she liked in him.

Gortash firmly put his hands on Tav's shoulders, shoving her back onto the mattress. Tav let out a small gasp as he hovered over her small stature. His hungry eyes viewed every little piece of skin available to him.

Calculating eyes bore into her, as he leaned forward, his voice dripping with contempt. "Do it. Do as you please."

A shiver ran up her spine. She wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing, but her body completely froze under him. Her mouth parted with no words left to say.

What the hell was he doing? Why couldn't she move? Maybe it was how handsome she found his restless eyes. Or the way his body was strong and tall. Gortash always stared so passionately at her, even now.

With no response, her eyes glistened with anticipation. Gortash brought his lips close to Tav's mouth. Only the slightest space between them, Gortash's eyes downcasted on her while her heart thumped against his skin. The warmth of his breath caressed her lips. Tav closed her eyes and submitted to the tension between them.

"Tch—" Gortash scoffed teasingly.

The warmth Tav felt suddenly grew cold. She opened her eyes to see Gortash standing over the bed. There was no kiss. Tav propped her elbows up, why did he leave? A slight shame cast on Tav as she lay there dumbfounded. Was he just toying with her?

"Rest, I will be expecting you for breakfast." Gortahs's arms crossed as he stared down at Tav like a scolding parent, "Don't make me wait." With that, Gortash walked out of the room.

He purposely planted a seed into Tav's head of control as soon as she let her guard down. His deceit would have her tossing and turning all night.

To be Continued ~

Any thoughts? Comment 👇🏼 I love to engage!

Part 2 here!

#bg3 fluff #bg3 tav #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 gortash #lord gortash #enver gortash #gortash x reader #gortash x durge #gortash smut #gortash x tav

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loveundrwrld · 1 month

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yandere alphabet- yandere femboy

template i used can be found here

(cws: blackmail, violence mention, very unhealthy relationship dynamic, stalking)

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

he can be very smothering with his affection, very touchy and clingy. he likes to hug your arm or hold your hand, rest his head on you, and cover your face with light kisses. but, with his verbal affection- he’s more sugary sweet than he is passionate or intense.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

mischa is not the violent type, nor is he really able to fight anyone... sorry reader, but he's not willing at all to get his hands dirty. both since he wouldn't know how to fight, but also since he thinks of himself as being better than people who use violence on others. he thinks of himself as a normal person, who doesn't need to lower himself to such things... despite everything else that he does. he’d also be deeply unnerved and scared in any situation in which physical violence is involved, for both your sake and his own.

in the right circumstances though, he may blackmail someone, manipulate someone, or lie to ruins someone’s reputation… but that’s mostly if he feels threatened by a romantic rival.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

mischa is a little sadistic in the emotional sense, but he's more likely to tease you or to poke at your issues while pretending to be innocent. he’s more trying to get a reaction out of you than to actually hurt your feelings though.

he has a general sense of when he’s gone way too far in his teasing of you, and he’ll ease up on that sort of thing for a bit if so. and, naturally, turn up the affection towards you to distract and comfort you.

generally speaking, he’s very clingy, needy, and affectionate- he spends a lot of time around you. just about as much as he can get away with, really.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

yes- kissing and cuddling. he'd be pouty if his darling refused his affection, and would try to act upset so that you would feel bad enough to let him kiss you. he can be pushy and insistent on getting you to lower your boundaries… like allowing him to sleep in the same room as you, or letting him sit in you lap.

he’ll also make sure that you say things like “i love you” or call him pet names from time to time. after all, he does that to you, so why not return the favor?

he isn’t pushy about sex though, that for him is something he can easily do without.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

since part of his ideal relationship is to essentially act a certain role 24/7… he is not vulnerable to you in any real way, not at all.

even though he loves to put on crocodile tears and feign being hurt or insulted by things, he's actually not going to tell you about his real fears and insecurities. it may seem strange to you that he seems so open with some things, but also seems strangely cagey about others.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

if you physically attacked him, he'd be shocked and would probably be very offended. he doesn't see himself as being an actual threat to you, so this would be a betrayal in his eyes.

but if you just stood up for yourself verbally- he’d just pretend that you were being cruel or mean to him, in the hopes that you’ll think that you were overreacting. but, secretly he is pleasantly surprised and amused that you did- he finds it fun to mess around with you, seeing how long it takes for you to decide that enough is enough.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

seeing how you react to him, and how much he can push your boundaries before you react is very much a game to him. he's amused by seeing you squirm and sigh when you're overwhelmed.

seeing you try to spend less time with him or avoid him does upset him a little though. he does genuinely want to spend as much time as possible with you, after all.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

a darling who doesn’t do anything he asks, and is evasive, avoidant, and emotionally distant to him would also cause him to reach a certain reaction from him… where he feels he needs to step up what he’s doing to get any sort of fun out his darling. this is where he gets more emotionally sadistic, and risks angering you to just get a response out of you. maybe he should text your ex strange things, or maybe he’ll secretly let people know about some of the stuff you have that you thought was well hidden in his room…

and, of course, he’ll be there for you while you’re scared, anxious, and confused…

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

he definitely wants to be married, to keep his darling by his side forever. he wants his darling to do a lot of the ‘hard parts’ of life for him, and let him live a very spoiled and pampered life. so, probably both cooking and cleaning, as well as things like taxes or yardwork…

although he would love to essentially be a cutesy trophy husband, he does know that to have the lifestyle he wants he’ll likely have to settle for both you and him having jobs. sadly </3

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

he does get jealous, both of platonic relationships (you getting attention in general) as well as any romantic partners... past or present.

if you had a longterm partner while you met him- he’d be very quick to try and ruin your relationship, and possibly try to decimate your partners reputation. he may pretend that your partner hit him to make you want to break up with them, or something similar.

when he gets jealous he doesn’t lash out in the typical way, but he lets out his frustration in strange ways. he’ll be a little passive aggressive when talking about the other person with you, subtly digging on them. “hm… they sure do chew very loudly, don’t they? that’d be very annoying to hear that on dates, wouldn’t it? just thinking.”

he’ll also be teasing you more, making you do all these favors for him to see you fret over him… it helps make him feel less stressed. after spending some time with you he can calm down. though, he’ll still try to manipulate situations so that you won’t spend so much time with that person anymore.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

he acts like a clingy and loving, but ditzy and sensitive boyfriend to you. he wants all of his strange behavior to come off as him being “needy” or something similar. it’s not that he’s breaking your boundaries, it’s that he’s sad and needs comfort.

essentially, he likes being seen as cute and innocent with people, and that extends to you too.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

generally using you for amusement and attention at first, just like he does with everyone else. then, he’ll essentially just… casually show up around you or text you more often. it’s less that he’s trying to convince you to date him, since he has a big ego and believes that you are lucky to have him. he just knows that forcing you to date him too soon could end up in you getting freaked out and ghosting him or something.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

yes, mischa is the type of yandere to fake his personality (see:kisses above.) he’s a manipulator and quite a bit selfish, but he acts cutesy and nice with others.

the way he acts with his darling is just a more intense and focused version of how he used to treat everyone around him. to an extent he still acts that way around everyone too, he just pays significantly less attention to other people.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

he’d never admit to it being why he does it, but loudly crying around other people works well for this purpose. it gets his darling to be more nervous of repeating the same behavior in the future, while also guilt-tripping them…

also, while he wouldn't normally go to such extremes, see: hell above.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

much like with tanner he generally lets you do whatever you want, but is just... also there with you. or he drags you to wherever he wants you to go, but the only thing stopping you from leaving is social etiquette (and if you’d feel bad for him for being “upset” that you did that.)

he's not necessarily strict, but he is very manipulative. he doesn't really need to force you to not be around your close friends... he takes up so much attention and energy from you that you don't have time for most other people. and he can just convince you in other ways to spend less time with them.

if you are more of a naïve and/or a people pleasing type, he's very likely to successfully get his way in what he wants.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

he thinks of you being unwilling or resistant as amusing, basically. he isn’t the type to get all that angry at you, at worst he’ll be passive aggressive. but he does get impatient when he feels that he isn’t getting your full attention, so he’s quick to become more blatant with his efforts to manipulate you.

and, he becomes less patient when he starts to feel jealous. he thinks of everyone else as ‘unworthy’ of your attention and thinks of himself as ‘worthy’ of it… it makes him irritated as he feels slighted from you not recognizing this like he does.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

he does actually love you, so this would be very hard for him.

if you died, he'd be in shock. he'd be depressed for a long time... he had never even thought that this was a possibility. he'd have a lot of difficulty pretending to be cheery and playful, and may never get over the loss.

if you escaped (as in, moved to a new city or something without warning) he’d scramble to try to follow their lead and try to find you. but, he doesn’t have a ton of resources and connections, so it would be very difficult for him. he would try very hard for a long time, though, as he does genuinely want you by his side again.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

despite doing things that are definitely illegal, mischa doesn’t think of himself as being a “criminal” and thinks of himself as being above such a thing. to him, stalking is only technically illegal, so he thinks of himself as being a normal person.

instead of abducting his darling in the typical sense, he’d rather just cling to them under more ‘normal’ circumstances. the closest extreme that i think he’d go to is showing up in your house and not leaving. he would feel pretty guilty if you're clearly terrified of him after that… after all, even if he messes with you his goal is never to make you think you are in any genuine danger. he'd just be more sweet and giving towards you for a while, hoping that will help you calm down and acclimate to the situation a bit.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

mischa grew up in a good family who loved him, but he did have some issues growing up.

his family immigrated from germany when he was relatively young. his parents became more busy with their jobs and had difficulties acclimating to the culture and language, which both often distracted them from spending time with him. he at the time also felt isolated from those around him, and wanted to cling more to his parents as a result. he's used to acting out for attention and getting rewarded for it, as his tired parents just wanted to give him what he wanted whenever he threw a tantrum.

he's never really faced any consequences for his actions and knows that he likely won't, so to him... if he wants you, why not have you?

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

i think he'd be unnerved at a true breakdown, screaming or anything similar would make him feel a bit guilty and reflect on his actions. did he really do so much to make you snap like that? he'd be more cautious for a while, and may tread lightly around you for a bit. he'll keep a careful eye on you to assess why you’re having such a breakdown.

if it's just crying, he does feel a little guilty, but he’s much less worried. if anything, he sees this as an opportunity for him. he sees that as an opportunity to cuddle them and pretend to be the typical loving caring boyfriend- he's thinking this will likely make you feel more attached to him.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

it's not necessarily a moral thing, but as i said in blood above, he's not really going to hurt anyone physically, much less kill them. he also won't abduct the reader in the typical sense.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

mischa is short and physically weak, so it's not hard at all to intimidate him.

also, see: regret above… you aren’t being abducted and tied down, so in theory you do have the freedom to do whatever you want. if you are able to avoid him for a bit, you do have a lot of options available to you.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

nope! he's not the type to hurt his darling... not physically, at least.

however, he can have some sadistic tendencies when it comes to teasing you or putting them in a situation that scares or bothers you (such as trying to trick a darling who's afraid of spiders into letting one crawl on them, sending the darling notes to make them know that they have a stalker to get them scared and paranoid... etc)

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

he doesn’t show it in the typical way as many yanderes would, but he does put you on a pedestal in his head. after all, he sees everyone around him as being ‘below’ you and being ‘unworthy’ of your time and attention.

he does smother you with high praise and compliments, and its coming from a real place as he really does find his darling attractive, sweet, kind, charming, etc.

but a significant reason for him doing so is for his own sake- he knows that his affections towards you, both verbally and physically, are going to make you more likely to fall for him. he’s definitely putting a concerted effort into winning you over… he’s certain that it will happen eventually, he just wants it to happen sooner rather than later.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

depends on what "snap" means in this context, since his behavior doesn't really suddenly escalate. he starts off strong and then there's a quick escalation, but there's no real point of him 'snapping' into something extreme.

but, if this just means 'general yandere behavior and manipulation'... it's not a very long time at all. once he realizes he's jealous of others getting your attention, he fairly quickly realizes how he's feeling and tries to get you to be around him more often. this probably takes a few weeks or so. then, he slowly escalates over a few months or so as he tries to see just how far he can take things.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

although he's not violent or extreme like the typical yandere, you are likely going to be mentally exhausted by his antics and being around him all the time. i think that in general he is the type of yandere that would very much wear you down over time until you get to a breaking point.

so, you wouldn't break in the typical way this word is used for yandere stories- but you would very likely have an emotional breakdown after a while.

#yandere x reader #gender neutral reader #yandere alphabet #yandere x you #yandere femboy #mischa roth #tried something new w/ the edit this time :^)#also thank u for your patience anon who requested this!!

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puttingherinhistory · 10 months

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Excuse me while I sound like a crotchety old geezer for a minute here

I've seen this attitude pushed more on social media that "kids and especially teenagers are naturally defiant and naturally want to upset and piss off adults and parents and teachers need to just accept this and deal with it" and tbh, I don't agree. I don't remember wanting to piss off or upset anyone on purpose for fun as a kid or teenager.

What I do remember is that when I was getting a budding sense of morality and justice I would stand up to misogyny / racism / homophobia or general cruelty from adults and/or peers and it would usually be dismissed as "oh she's just at an age where she wants to be rebellious for the sake of it, she just wants to defy adults for fun because she's at that age" and that logic was used to dismiss it.

Likewise the same logic was being applied to kids, I'm talking especially privilged kids like the white kids and the boys especially the cishet boys, with budding cruelty that was a result of unchecked privilege. Like boys being grossly misogynistic and homophobic, "oh he just wants to be rebellious and piss off adults, it's fine". Do you see the issue of brushing the behavior of marginalized kids who are developing a sense of justice with the same stroke of privileged kids being cruel and bigoted? Oh that they're both just being rebellious and trying to get a rise out of you and it's fine just ignore it don't try to actually address it or do anything about it?

I think kids and especially teens usually have more complicated reasons being their behavior than "oh it's hard wired into their biology that they just HAVE to be defiant for the sake of it at that age" and using that logic prevents adults from actually having to think about and address the root of their behavior.

It also lets adults off the hook from actually having to do something about dangerous behaviors kids and especially teens do, like binge drinking until they have to be hospitalized. "Yeah it's just normal and natural because they have to be rebellious and make stupid decisions at that age, it's just hard wired into their brains that they gotta" is just fucking lazy. When I was at that age I understood drinking until I blacked out and needed to be taken to the hospital was bad and should be avoided because adults in my life had taken the time to explain to me it was bad. I was actually capable of rationalizing "hmm, alcoholism and alcohol poisoning are bad and I should avoid those things" and being warned against it did not tempt me to go out and drink dangerous amounts. Why the fuck would it? That makes no god damn sense and is just a lazy excuse not to actually teach kids better in a way they can understand.

Also I mean sure, part of it is laziness, but I also think some adults are so scared of looking like the buzzkill killjoy to young people because they're afraid of aging and actually having to look like a grownup. A lot of this is our culture's worship of youth and demonization of aging, so a lot of people are really scared of looking "out of touch" from the youth and really want to look like the cool hip understanding adult.

But also part of this is privileged adults wanting to protect the behavior of privileged kids. Just rebranded "boys will be boys" if you will. Of course an adult man is going to say "oh come on he's just a teen, teens are gonna be stupid and want to break the rules" about a teenage boy behaving in a reckless and cruel way. Of course white adults are going to say this about white kids behaving in a reckless and cruel way. They got away with it when they were teens so of course they want the same for today's youth who share their privilege.

Anyway it's time to stop being lazy caregivers. Kids aren't a bunch of stupid animals that just have something hard wired into their brains telling them to break rules and be defiant with no deeper motivation to their behavior than some "rebellious defiant" hormone in their brain mindlessly controlling them. It's degrading to oversimplify their behavior like that, they are human beings after all. There are almost always going to be deeper reasons for their behavior, most often that they're an underprivileged kid with budding morality and justice, or that they have a privileged background that has resulted in their more reckless and cruel behavior going unchecked. If you're someone who is a guardian or caretaker over kids and teens you do actually have a responsibility to exam the deeper reasons behind their behavior and address it instead of just dismissing it at "oh well it's just their weird hormonal teen brains commanding them to break rules and be rebellious without any deeper reasoning, time to just ignore it and not take it seriously"

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are-you-still-writing-that · 7 months

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Yandere Alphabet: Hanemiya Kazutora

He is just my little guy, ya know? I just had to write something for him. Especially, cuz I got a little request of the rest of the trio. But I because I had him already ready I though I would present him to you first. I´ll hope you´ll live this delusional little guy just as much as I do.

Hanemiya Kazutora

Someone, who twists the reality he sees, to fit whatever might save his mental state, even though he keeps destroying it again and again. He is someone, who makes his smile and easy-going nature the most dangerous thing about him. He is someone, who will completely fall into whatever delusion would best fit the narrative, that excuses him from any fault. Good luck with that...

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

That boy is all about the physical contact. It is clear, that this is his main love language. He wants to pull you close when ever he sees you. He wants to hold you when ever you are in his reach. His grip always a bit too tight. It becomes clear, that he wants to be as close to you as possible, and when he murmurs, that he would love to burrow himself beneath your skin, right next to your hear, it doesn´t surprise you at all.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He will be so cruel. It is all he knows. All he was thought by his parents. With knuckles split apart, laughing brightly, blood dripping on cement, he will jump people when they simply brush past you. He act fast, and downs the other even faster. He looks to you, blood splattered over his face, slowly dripping down his knuckles. It becomes clear to you. He is insane. His love violent. His smile bright.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He is delusional. Painting himself a pretty picture, where you love him just as much as he does love you. He will lose sight of reality very quickly, and there is no way, that you will be able to break through them. So, he doesn´t have a reason to taunt and mock them. Why would he? He is a bit callous some times, a bit sharp around the edges. But he doesn´t even realise it, when he is mean to you. Most of the time, he rather sits next to you, to coo over you.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He keeps you awfully close. Always in range of him simply trapping you and pulling you closer to him. He also takes control over your entire life. Isolating you and pushing you into surroundings, where he can know about your every step. He has some kind separation anxiety, always had, that was blown out off proportions, when he met you. He hates to have you out of his sight, and will work on keeping it on you for as long as he can.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He kinda tends to talk about whatever comes to his mind. Just chattering, about everything and yet nothing at the same time. Though, he will also sometimes start to talk about things, that he guarded so close to his heart. Things, where he can only stutter, as he describes something, that he couldn´t believe for his own sake for a long time. He unravels sometimes his delusions for the one he loves, though he still can´t unravel his most recent one. The one that concerns you. So on a technically he bares his entire heart towards his darling, though he is so deeply delusional that it might not ever be what he feels. Though he wouldn´t know that, if that was the case.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He hates it so much. It becomes pure agony for him to see you fighting back against him. Against his love. He will cry, tears streaming down his face, as he experiences heartbreak over and over again. His emotions are suddenly in overdrive, with no chance of him making sense of them. He is screaming, his face puffy, and his voice breaking and warbling on every word. In the end, he will be a worse mess than you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

This is not a game for him, and it would be better for you to understand this very quickly for your own good. He will physically harm you to stop you from going away, from leaving him. So, you better don´t even think about it. He will break your ankles as often as he needs to till you learned the lesson, that you can´t get away from him. And he will do, all of this without any hesitation at all.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The worst experience you will run through with him, is the moment he kidnaps you. What makes it so bad, that you can´t see any difference between how he usually acts compares to now. It comes as a complete surprise, when he brings you to his home and starts to insist, that you are already home. Here. With him. This is also the day, where he will make you realise what will happen to you, if you try to escape from him. And all the while, he will act like he usually does.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

It´s some form of a messed up white-picket-fence dream, that he dreams about. He already has sunken so deeply into his delusions, that most of the time, he isn´t even aware, that he would still need to work to get his dream fulfilled. In his mind, he is already there with you. Has already achieved every thing he wanted, when it comes to building a relationship with you. He already lived in a future, that in reality he will never get.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He does get jealous, and it will be a slow and almost lazy rage. Kazutora won´t turn his anger towards you, but you will surely witness it. He will destroy the other person. It will be frightening. He takes great care to ruin the other person. For once his planing is immaculate, as he concentrates on this single goal. He will grin at you. Teeth bloody. Knuckles cracked open. He will show you with glee what he did. Expecting your pride and admiration. Your cooing over him. Like you and him had the same goal.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

That boy will fuss over you at every opportunity, that he gets. He loves the high and woozy feeling, that he gets, whenever he takes care of you. And so he will sought to repeat it as often as he can. He goes really sweet on you. But it´s too much. He tends to ignore any kind of protest and instead will just keep doing whatever it was. It´s like he can´t quite hear you. Twisting your words around as they get spoken. Sinking deeper into his delusions.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He comes into your life one day, and just decides to stay. At first, he was just always around. Later, he would just talk, not always with but rather, at you. You might find it strange, might even complain about it. In the end, you might even try to avoid him. Nothing works. He inserts himself quite neatly into your life and refuses to be cut out again. He always seems to find his way back to you, no matter what you do.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

It´s not that his true colours are drastically different. It´s more, that he sunk completely into his own delusions and can´t find his way back. He is a lot kinder to you, than anyone else. But it´s never a mask. He is just more inclined to act positively with you, giving you a second chance, where he might ruin other´s at the first mistake. He likes you. This is, what gives you enough room to make mistakes and come out alive at the other side. He gives you that room. And he doesn´t mind.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

He becomes very quickly very violent. At first he is calm, still talking to you with a gentle smile on his face. Then he strikes. He is cruel and thoughtless. He just attacks. It won´t matter how you try to hold him back. Don´t even try to plead with him. He is someone that will ignore it in the moment. Strangely, there is nothing but fear in his eyes, though one would never guess why. He is so violent, because he is afraid to end up alone again. He doesn´t know better. But that´s not an excuse, is it?

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He wants all of their attention all of the time. A real green-eyed monster he is. Constantly pawing at you like an impatient cat. Don´t let him know that one, he would love being described like that. He wants you all to himself. In the end, he will isolate them, and try to control every single thing in their life. His delusions of this being something domestic will shine their brightest here. It´s obvious that he tries. And somehow he succeeds

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

At first he likes the chase. Following you where ever you go. Having to find you over and over again. Then he quickly grows tired of it. It starts to annoy him. Never finding his darling where he expects them to be. It grates on his nerves. Till one day, he simply decides, to never leave your side again. He takes joy in staying close to you, so why would he ever refuse himself this joy?

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He is heartbroken. Desperate. He tries to find fault in everybody around him. No one and nothing is safe from him in these few weeks he lashes out. Afterwards he grows quiet. Pulls back from every one. One promise. He will see them again. Even if it has to be in death.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Oh no! What is there to feel guilty about even in the first place. He is not someone, who recognizes what he did as a kidnapping. That is not what happened here. Not at all. He just moved in with you. Or rather you moved in with him. Right? Why are you lying? This is all that happened! Stop lying already!

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, tec)?

He grew up in an abusive home, then in an emotional negligent one. He always had a problem with attachment. It only got worse over the years. Killing someone that young, surely broke something in him. That was the start of his delusions. Not that juvie, and with that being surrounded by other violent teens, helped in any manner. He never learned how to properly deal with his emotions. And he likely never will.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

While it does worry him, most of the time he will just deal with it. Sitting back and letting them do their thing. He knows, that he can be like this as well. Throwing tantrums, that is. And he is allowed doing it. So, why shouldn´t they? It´s not like it´s separating them. It´s the opposite! It´s something they have in common. So, he let´s them be. They will tire themself out soon enough, ans then he can swoop back in like nothing ever happened in the first place.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He is completely delusional, when it comes to you. He has lost all grips on reality. Kazutora can´t differentiate between what is real and what isn´t any more. He is most of the time lost to his fantasies. As long, as his delusions won´t be disturbed, he will do his best to be a perfect and doting boyfriend to his partner. But as soon, as there is any hint of resistance, just the idea of things not being like he thought, he will turn to excessive violence, to gain control over the situation once again.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His fragile mental state. He is not always quite aware of what is happening around him, which causes several episodes where he can´t differentiate any more, between what is real and what isn´t. Those are the moments, where it would be the easiest to spin a story, that will cause him even greater confusion. Would make keeping you here so much harder for him. He can´t tell what is the truth any more. But why would his darling ever lie to him?

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

There is very little needed to motivate him, to turn on his darling. He will become excessively violent, when he notices you pulling away from him. Every disturbance to his carefully built delusions, that wrap reality for him, are met with a violent response. He will turn on the one he loves. Quickly. Brutal. Cruel. Just like he does on everything, that would take them away from them. Worse will be the broken apologies spewing from his lips, as his empty eyes fix you with a vacant stare.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Kazutora love you so much, that sometimes it feels like his heart is being torn asunder. His whole world revolves around you, because he chose for it to be this way. He adores his darling so badly. But there is one thing. His love is not unconditional. It´s based on the life he imagines. It even varies with how much you reciprocate. He makes his love dependent on you. And so it is likely to change every once in a while.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He trails after you like a lost puppy. Always sticking close to your side, and never leaving far. He truly just sticks to you. And at first, that will be all he is doing. Though, over time he will realize, that nothing is changing. You still regard him the same way, that you did in the beginning. It annoys him. He hates it so much! Why are you ignoring him? Why can´t you see, what he feels for you? What he wants from you! This is the moment he will snap. This where, he will decide to throw all caution to the wind, and loose himself in something, he might never recover from.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Kazutora won´t break his darling, at least he will think so. He will see, how you calm over time, and how he can grow more lenient with you, without you rebelling against him again any more. What he doesn´t see are the numerous cracks, that made their home in your mind and spirit. How you slowly stopped caring, and how your mind retreated to keep you safe from him. He won´t notice the cracks, will think that you are completely fine. You know better, but at this point you don´t care.

#yandere #yandere kazutora #yandere alphabet #xreader #tokyo revengers #tokrev #kazutora hanemiya #yandere headcanon #kazutora headcanons #kazutora x reader #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere tokrev

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billie-rotten · 1 year

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Go Away

Featuring: Tomura Shigaraki. Touya Todoroki - Dabi. Himiko Toga. Jin Bubaigawara - Twice. Gender Neutral Reader

Rated R: Intended for mature audiences only. Reader discretion is advised.

Contains: Disrespect to the readers. Arguments. Toxic behavior. Dissociative disorder issues.

Author's Note: All characters are written to be older than 21 years of age.

| Part 1 |

You’d gone into his office. Shigaraki hadn’t eaten in days. Every offer was turned down. He just sat at his desk for hours at a time, only getting up to use the bathroom. He even slept there, curled in a ball with his head resting on the desk. You brought him some fast food, something you didn’t think he could turn down.

“Tomura?” you called, pushing the door open. You found him with the lights off, wide-eyed, staring at the computer screen and clicking away. “I brought you something to eat,” you offered. “I have a burger and nuggets. You can pick one, and I’ll take the other.”

“I’m not hungry,” he said, never even looking away from his computer monitor. His pale face and bloodshot eyes were illuminated by the blue glow, his eyes much puffier than they had been several days ago.

You sighed, exasperated. Did he really not feel hungry? Was he just angry? Hyperfixated? Had you done something wrong? “Please just try to eat something,” you pleaded. “At least come sit with me for a minute, or come shower with me. You haven’t been out of this room in days, except for taking pee breaks.”

“Because I haven’t made progress,” he grumbled. Since you came in, you don’t think you’ve seen him even blink. “I have to find a way… Make a plan… Something!” He was rambling at this point, words slurred and shoulders slouching.

“I just think maybe if you took a break–”

“I don’t need a break, Y/N,” Tomura snapped, finally turning his face toward you. He was more pale than he had been the last time you saw him.

“How do you know?” you asked. He looked astonished at the notion that he might be wrong. “If you take a break, get some rest, you can come back to it with a clear head.”

“What the hell do you know?” he rolled his eyes.

“I know that we’ve been through this multiple times,” you said. “And every single time you step away for a day or two, you make progress within an hour when you go back to it.”

“Would you just shut up?” he said. “I didn’t ask for your opinion. I don’t need your advice. What I need is to actually get some work done.”

“So why haven’t you done it yet?” you asked. “If none of my advice is helpful, what’s stopping you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Y/N” he mocked. “Maybe if you weren’t constantly breathing down my neck, I could actually get something done! You come in here every fucking day. Just leave me alone for fuck’s sake!”

You were taken aback. Yes, he could be mean and cruel. He could throw tantrums. He could declare his hatred for the rest of the world fifteen times a day. But Shigaraki had never turned that aggression or cruelty or hatred toward you. Maybe you really had done something wrong. “Oh,” you said, trying to keep a strong face until you could leave the room. “I’ll just leave the food here then,” you said, setting the food on the edge of his desk. “I’ll give you some space.” You left the room and shut the door behind you, and you crawled into bed alone.

Shit, he thought. That wasn’t what he wanted.

Maybe ten minutes later, you heard the door open, and you felt the bed dip under the weight of your boyfriend. You threw the covers off of you and started to rush into the hallway. If he needed space you could do that. You just wish you had known sooner. “Y/N,” he called after you, getting up and following you. You kept walking. “Y/N,” he said again, reaching out to you and grabbing you by the arm. He stooped to look into your eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said.

You couldn’t find any words to say.

“Don’t give me space,” he demanded. “I need you.”

“But you said–”

“I didn’t mean it,” he cut you off. “I want you to smother me. I love you, and I need you to suffocate me. I don’t know why I said that. Please.”

You looked at him, your toughened expression finally falling. He pulled you into his chest and rested his head on your shoulder. His hands rested gently around your waist, hands balled into fists around pieces of your shirt, as if you were somehow going to wriggle away from him at any second. But you weren’t. You didn’t want to. You wanted to smother him in every ounce of love that you could offer. And that was exactly what he needed.

You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in days. He had probably been home when you weren’t around, or maybe when you were asleep. But he was always gone when you woke up or when you came home from work. You tried calling, but he sent you to voicemail several times in a row. So you gave up.

Until eventually, Dabi called you. “Hey,” he said when you finally picked up. “I’ll be home soon.” His nonchalance made your blood boil. How can Dabi just disappear for days with no contact and then just waltz back in the door and pretend like nothing happened?

“Where the hell have you been?” you asked, eyebrows pinching together.

You could practically hear the eyeroll from the other end of the phone. “Just needed some space, doll. You understand, right?”

“Whatever,” you responded. You hung up the phone and started to brace yourself for his arrival. But then you thought, you know what? If he wants space, why don’t you give him a taste of his own medicine? You rushed into your bedroom and started packing a bag, just enough for a couple of days at a friend’s apartment uptown. You were just putting the last of your things in the bag when you heard the apartment door click shut.

“Babe?” Dabi called through the house, his raspy voice not quite loud enough to echo. He walked down the hallway, toward the bedroom light that bled into the hallway. He saw you starting to zip up your bag. “What are you doing?” he asked, leaning against the door frame.

You shrugged. “You shouldn’t feel like you need space in your own home,” you answered plainly. “It’s only fair.” You slung your backpack over your shoulder and started to push past him.

Dabi was at a loss for words. You had always been fiery and petty, especially when he fucked up. But how was he supposed to fix it this time?

You went into the bathroom and dug around for one last thing, and then you could take the train to your friend’s place. When you turned around to leave the bathroom this time, though, Dabi was blocking the doorway. “You at least gonna tell me where you’re goin’?” he asked.

“Were you?” you countered, staring him down. He didn’t have anything to say. If he’d told you where he was, you would have just come and found him. He guessed he didn’t technically know that, though. “That’s what I thought. Now move out of my way.”

“No,” he argued. “Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“You’re an ass,” you shouted. “That’s what’s going on. And you don’t even care that you’re an ass because you’re too busy running away from me and all the rest of your problems, doing God knows what with God knows who. You don’t even have time to let me know that you’re alive, let alone wonder if what you do affects me at all.”

“So you’re mad because I didn’t talk to you for a day or two?” he asked.

“Try nine days,” you corrected him, starting to shout. You even pulled up your call and text logs on your phone to show him his last messages. “Nine days, Touya. No calls. No texts. No fucking smoke signals or messenger pigeons or anything. And when I ask what’s up, you tell me that you ‘needed space?’”

“Yeah?” he said. “So what?”

“So it sounds more to me like you don’t wanna be around me at all!” you yelled. “If you need more than a week without me, without so much as a goddamn text message, do you even want me to be in your life?”

He was silent. Not because you were right. But because he couldn’t believe you really thought that. Dabi knew he didn’t always say it the right way. But you were always what he needed, what he wanted. He loved you more than anything. Dabi thought you could feel it in his touch, in the way he looked at you. At least, he hoped you could. Because he didn’t have the words to tell you like a normal person could.

“That’s what I thought,” you said. “Now move out of my way.”

He moved out of the doorway to let you pass. You got nearly to the door before you heard a, “Please stay,” coming from the man behind you. You stopped before you could open the door. He couldn’t explain why he was gone so long. He just wandered around the city, going to the base, to talk to Shigaraki, to commit small petty crimes, anything he could think of to distract himself from the impending breakdown. When it didn’t come, though, he came home. And now, here he was, wanting to tell you everything but not having the right words.

You felt his thin but muscular arms wrap around your waist. Dabi’s head rested on your shoulder, face buried in your neck. “I need you,” he said lowly. “I can’t tell you how badly I need you.”

You could feel the way his weight rested on you, the way his hands shook. You wondered when he last ate, when he last slept. You turned around in his grip, and you looked at him in his electric blue eyes. “Tell me where you’ve been,” you demanded. If he was going to be honest with you, you’d unpack your bag right then.

And he was. He told you how he had thoughts of hurting himself, and how he didn’t want you to think he was crazy. Dabi thought that, if he did something to himself, he didn’t want you to have to witness it. He told you how he went to the base at first, thinking there might be work to do. But there wasn’t. He told you how he went to Shigaraki, who offered him next to no help. After that, he told you he wandered around the city, sleeping sat up in alleyways. He told you how he tried to steal something small from a market to have something to eat, but then he heard your voice, telling him how stupid he is for stealing when he doesn’t have to. So he came home. “I had no idea how long it had been,” he swore.

Coming down from your anger, you knew he was sincere. “So you don’t want space?” you asked, for clarification.

“Fuck, no,” he said, almost in a whisper. “Not from you.”

And that was as close to an apology as you knew you would get from him.

You felt so incredibly guilty.

It was a misunderstanding. You knew that. But you shouldn’t have said what you said. Toga was telling you a story about the mission she had just returned from, about how she got to drink tons of the blood she so coveted. She was so happy and excited, as if she had been starved for years of her life. You curled up your nose and teased, “Ew!” You were smiling and laughing, and she was too.

“It wasn’t gross, though!” Toga argued with a big smile, sitting on your lap. “It was sooooooo much fun!”

Toga went on to tell you about how she was the star of the show, how she pretty much saved the day. “I can’t wait to go out again!” she cheered to herself, excited hands balled into fists at her chest.

You reached for her hands and intertwined your fingers with hers. Toga was so funny when she was excited, and she was excited quite a lot. You laughed again, squeezing her in a hug around the waist. She hugged you around her head, the only place that her arms would reach the way she was sitting in your lap. With your lips pressed against her cheek, you teased, “Okay, you little psycho.”

Toga was taken aback. You didn’t mean it. She knew that. You said it all the time and never meant it. In fact, she recently started taking that sort of thing as a compliment. But for some reason, this time, it stung. She knew you were joking. You had to be, right? You loved her, right? You didn’t really mean that, right?

“You think I’m crazy?” she asked, much quieter than before.

“I mean, a little, yeah,” you answered with a shrug, a big smile still spread across your face. She turned her face away from yours. You stroked her cheek with your thumb. “I didn’t mean it like that, my love,” you said.

Toga just got up and started walking to the bedroom that you shared and shut the door. You got up and followed her. “Toga,” you called through the closed door. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Go away!” she shouted. “Just leave me alone.”

You sighed. She was right to be angry. It was insensitive, and you shouldn’t say that kind of thing to someone you love. You pressed your back against the wall in the hallway, and you sunk down to the floor. You heard Toga cry quietly behind the door, and your heart melted into a puddle.

You’d been sitting there for nearly thirty minutes, stewing. In your head, you practiced what to say when she finally opened the door. You didn’t mean to insult her. She was weird and crazy in the best way that a person could be weird or crazy. When Himiko finally opened the door, you scrambled to your feet to meet her at eye level. She looked at you in silence for a minute. “Himiko,” you said. “I’m so sorry.”

“You think I’m crazy,” she said, not ready to accept your apology yet.

“I absolutely do!” you said. You watched her face drop again, and she started to pull away from you. You caught her hand just in time to keep her from walking away. You had to fix this now. “But only because you aren’t like any other person I’ve met or heard of in my entire life.” She finally looked up at you for more explanation.

“You’re genuinely passionate. You fight for what you believe is right, and you’ll do anything to get to your goals,” you explained. You held Toga’s face again, resting your forehead against hers. “You’re brave, more brave than a lot of these heroes that are out here. Because you’re willing to do things that are gross and scary to other people in order to make the world better. And if that involves drinking blood and loving it, then so be it. I only think you’re crazy because I could never do what you do.”

Her hands, halfway covered in her sweater sleeves, cupped your face. She leaned to connect her lips to yours. You could feel the tears still falling down her cheeks, but they weren’t the same now. You felt her lips stretch into a smile against yours, and you smiled back.

“Toga?” you asked. She opened her eyes and looked at you. “Don’t ever stop being yourself. Not for me, not for anyone. Promise?”

She wiped the salt from her cheeks. “Promise.”

It had been far too long since you’d seen Twice. You knew that he felt more comfortable, more stable, with you around. But mission after mission after mission came up, keeping you apart.

You waited for Jin to call you, to ask to come over, or for you to come see him where he lived. You couldn’t call him. What if he was on another mission? You could ruin everything. You could get him killed.

But you had to check on him. You had to know if he was okay. So you started walking to his apartment, a run down building a few blocks from yours. When you got there, you didn’t see any lights on through his windows. But that didn’t mean anything. You walked up the stairs to his door, and you let yourself in with the key he had given you.

“Jin?” you called quietly through the house. The lights were still all off. You turned on a lamp to find him sitting on his bed, curled in a ball. He was looking straight ahead, eyes bloodshot, tugging at his hair. You could smell his body odor from where you stood. You wondered how long he had been sitting there, if things had really gotten this bad.

You walked toward him and knelt by his side. He was mumbling some things to himself, to his other half. “Jin, honey,” you called to him. You started to reach for him, your fingertips brushing along is shoulder.

“Leave me alone!” he growled at you, snapping his head in your direction.

Startled, you jerked your hand away from him. “I’m not leaving,” you said, dropping your hand to your side.

“And why the hell not?” he asked, voice deep and menacing. You only blinked in response, sitting on the floor in front of him with your legs crossed. “Get the hell out of here. It isn’t like you’re good for anything.”

Ouch. That one stung.

“I love you,” you said. That was all. You couldn’t say anything else. You couldn’t figure out how to get along with his other side.

“I love you, too,” Jin said to you, voice now light. His eyes relaxed, and he finally came to for just a minute. You almost breathed a sigh of relief until you heard, “I said go away!” in that same mean voice again.

You closed your eyes and breathed again. You had to remind yourself that he didn’t really want you to go away. That was his clone talking. It wasn’t him. “Can’t you fucking listen?” he said again. “I don’t need you here. Go the fuck away!”

“Fine!” you said, fed up at this point. “You want me to leave?” You started to get up and walk toward the door.

“No!” you heard Jin say behind you. You turned around and looked at him, seeing how his shoulders were tensed up and how he was breathing heavily. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t leave me.”

You hurried toward him again and sat next to him on the bed. You gathered him in your arms, and he buried his face in your chest. “Don’t go,” he pleaded, beginning to sob.

“I’m not,” you reassured him. “I’m here. I promise.” You tangled your fingers in his messy blonde hair, and you pressed your cheek against his forehead. “Come here,” you beckoned, moving back to the pillows. “Come lay down with me, relax a minute,” you requested.

You opened your arms for him. He laid down next to you and wrapped an arm around your waist. You rested a hand on his head and stroked his hair, letting him cry and hearing his breathing slowly steady. “Do you wanna talk about it?” you asked.

You felt him swallow heavily. “I’ve been here by myself for days,” he sniffled. “He wouldn’t let me do anything. So I’ve just been sitting here screaming at him, him screaming at me.”

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you call me?” you asked.

“He wouldn’t let me!” he said. “He kept saying that we didn’t need you. But I do. I do need you. Please don’t go.” He went right back to sobbing into your shoulder.

You started to rub his back, hand brushing against his tank top, shushing him and kissing his head once in a while. “It’s okay,” you promised. “I’m not leaving. You’re okay.”

It took almost a half an hour for him to calm down, the shoulder of your shirt soaked in his salty tears. “Now. Since you’ve been stuck in this spot for days, let’s get you taken care of,” you offered. “Let’s get a shower.”

He groaned at the prospect of moving. “I don’t need one,” he tried to convince you.

“Honey,” you said. “I love you so much. But you stink.”

He laughed at you for that one. Finally, you could start putting him back together.

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no-light-left-on · 3 months

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So the Death of the Outsider lacks a chaos system and it makes perfect sense

(I recommend reading my other post on how chaos works in the DH universe first but it is not mandatory.)

The point of the chaos system is, at its core, a reflection of how a world already at its tipping point reacts to the player's actions: Dunwall ridden by the plague and oppressed by the Lord Regent’s rule, Karnaca bloodfly-bitten and slowly torn to shreds by the Duke with people scared after the recent coup.

Billie, however, simply exists as a person once the world has been tipped towards the better, Emily having reclaimed her throne and Karnaca slowly but surely steering towards better times. Her quest is not motivated by politics or by a falling empire. It is entirely personal to her, Daud, and the Outsider.

Billie is an ex-assassin. She puts the world on a tipping point, but she does not decide whether the world rights itself or comes crashing over the edge. She takes jobs from the black market, sometimes killing people for money, because that is all it is to her - a job. And while she may kill innocent people while at it, there is no more terror it can bring atop the cruel rule of the Duke and people dying in the mines. In the end, she will disappear into the shadows. It is just another mugging, another unfortunate murder of a father coming home in the evening. Nothing more, nothing less. No responsibility to take over it after.

She is dedicated to her quest, and that quest is not even hers - it is Daud's, and she is just going along with it out of maybe guilt, maybe old times' sake. She is not even that interested in killing the Outsider herself, has very little stakes in it, and decides to go through with it because it's what Daud wanted. There is no world that can react to her because she is the world that is reacting, in a sense, to Daud's wishes and the Outsider's subtle interventions.

Compared to, say, DH2 which takes place months before the events of DotO, Billie has very little to lose, no place to reclaim, no world to save. The results of her actions, no matter what they might be, won't change how the world is at the end of the game. Emily can choose whether a brilliant doctor lives so she can save lives, she decides whether the Howlers or the Overseers take over Batista, dictates who rules and with how much power, with what level of cruelty. Billie is killing a god, no matter what it takes, and there is little need for consideration of how this result is achieved.

The game does not even have targets, save for one, the Outsider himself. All the missions are about gathering intel and preparing for the job. The structure of the whole game is very different to serve the purpose of the plot and honestly it's a clever choice so that the focus remains on the one thing only - killing the Outsider.

One thing I did not mention in relation to chaos in my other post is that the chaos also influences the Outsider and his speeches at the shrines. Which, fair enough, it is just one more change in dialogue among many. But in the case of DotO, he is directly involved. He is not an observer anymore. He has real reason to be emotionally invested in what is happening and what Billie is doing. He needs to bait her into murder, or change her mind to spare him and free him from his eternal imprisonment. There can't be a change from interest to cynicism as Billie kills more people to get to him, because in the end, he is the target. He wants out of the Void by any means necessary, which means he has to be fully invested at all times. He has no reason to suddenly go soft and make subtle comments. He comes across as so much more malicious in this game, maiming Billie and being so incredibly cruel when he tells her that Daud has passed while she was away. All this because he can't risk her changing her mind, thinking to herself, “Hey, maybe he sucks but he’s not That Bad” and then turning on her heel to leave. He is trying to influence Billie instead, which he didn’t do with his Marked (unless you count his mentions of multiple possible outcomes as influencing, or him telling Daud about Delilah).

So no, the world won't change for you, the player. It won't change because you chose not to kill anyone, not even the contract targets, because if you don't do the dirty work, someone else will. And the Outsider cannot change either, because Billie is not changing the fate of an empire. She is changing the fate of Him, personally, and he cannot afford to let her choose the only bad choice - indifference. So there is no point in a chaos at all.

No matter what Billie does in the end, the outcome will be the same - the Void will change. sShe will change the universe as they know it, but no matter how she goes about it, the change will come. She is not faced with a question of what she wants the world to be. She was guided there by others, expected to do one thing - kill a god. The world has set her up, and now she has to react.

And so she comes to the Void and is met with the only choice that will matter: Is she going to show mercy, or remain the same?

#dishonored #doto #death of the outsider #daud #the outsider #billie lurk #another post on 'people dont understand chaos in these games and I am Upset about it'#while checking the wiki on the missions in doto so I wasnt actually forgetting anything I found out that someone got hired over doing #analysis of the game on twitter and harvey noticed #if this is all somehow correct and harvey sees it hi hello let me write dh3 I promise I wont make it into a dating sim #these are not tags I should be leaving under this post #anyways uh yeah there you go #dh #I should write that one post talking about how I interpret the chaos system in each game separately #also read the first essay. I am begging. its good #essays tag

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gabichanwrites · 5 months

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I've seen an opinion about JJK that the story needs so much pointless death and unrealized potential because it is the point. That this is the world of JJK, cruel and killing off potential because of higher-ups indifference and carelessness with sorcerer's lives. That Gege did a brave thing by stepping out of the line of a typical shouen plot and made his characters suffer and die and pointed out the ridiculousness of adults making children fight for them.

And to all of that I say - I get it. But also I don't agree.

There is a significant difference between the potential in-universe and the potential of the characters. Sure, they overlap a lot, especially in series like JJK, but there is a difference. For example, both the characters and us have been thrilled with the unspoken potential of Megumi's "sacred treasure" and I'm pretty sure every single one of us went wild when he made his half-baked domain in S1. Also, he got Sukuna as his hypeman - it's hard to really top that in terms of potential. But when I say character potential, I don't mean only power scaling one - I mean what they could do in a story. And one of the best examples for me are The Twins. You know, the ones that try to bargain with Sukuna to kill off the Fake-Getou. And the quite pointless death of BOTH of them.

Their techniques personally interest me a lot but it's not even about that. Even if there is not that much space to explore with them cursed technique-wise, wouldn't it be so interesting if one of them got to live? Betrayed by every curse she turned for help to, alone in a raging Shibuya - forced to work with the School Gang? With their very differing opinions, with her wildly different perspective... Man, I'm not that good of a writer to figure it out on a fly. But there was potential there, a very interesting one, and wasting it isn't the nail on the coffin for Gege's story - but it does disappoint me, considering how hyped the story was for me beforehand. How much trust I put into Gege's writing.

And with the way things are going with Nanami, Nobara and, from what I've gathered from my partner's ashamed face when I mentioned my suspicions, Todou, this is no longer about power potential the characters had (although with Nobara it kinda still is). It's about how those deaths are hidden behind the smoke screen of theme and well, that's the cruelty of the world that tries to hide the balant shock-value of these deaths. Because back in season 1 Gojo already said it - that he knows killing higher-ups won't really solve anything. That it's about a new generation doing better, forcing a change others reject.

So why isn't this story about that? Why does it kill off THREE (?) characters for the sake of kicking Yuuji into dirt? Why does Mahito even require so many named deaths to establish... What exactly? That he's fucked up and immoral and direct opposite of Yuuji? That he can bring out the worst in him? I THINK I GOT THE POINT AFTER JUNPEI AND NANAMI, REALLY.

So, with the spoilers I have from the manga, I just feel like it's not quite right to call those deaths deserved because of the setting. Not when the story in S1 promised a change, a hopeful future set by the new generation.

And if that were never the main focus of the series, then I don't want to hear a single world about those deaths contributing to it because they are not.

Man, there is no one who wants to love JJK more than me and there is no one more heartbroken that I can't bring myself to do so anymore.

#jujutsu no kaisen #jjk #i mean i haven't read it but ive been spiiled and i talk about it #jujutsu no kaisen manga spoilers #jjk nanami #nanami kento #kugisaki nobara #aoi todo #itadori yuuji #mahito #jjk critical #unfortunately i'm not over it #and twitter does not help #what a surprise

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catdemontraphouse · 8 months

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Finding out some bizarre shit abt Sebastian by reading his wiki page

Apparently in one chapter he calls his own kind “revolting” it’s a weird quote to me, almost like he finds their incapacity for hope disgusting? Like maybe he views them as wretched for being evil for reasons that don’t involve survival? Almost sounds like he finds being cruel for the sake of cruelty rather than self-preservation unrefined… which is weird because he is often such a dickhead just for the lols. Idk I’m not quite able to make sense of wtf little bastard man means by this. Feel free to plz tell me what u think abt it.

Come to find out, his eyes at least, are modeled on this guy specifically. Some actor idk 🤷‍♀️ not sure if it’s just the eyes only or if maybe this is what an IRL Sebastian’s face might be like hypothetically. She said it’s his eyes not the whole face but it’s interesting anyways

(This is just me but it kind of saps some of his cuteness factor by imagining him looking like an actual human and not a kawaii anime boy with cat mouth) 💔

His Tanabata wish was “I hope the household gets their act together” and not “I want to eat” so that’s kind of funny. When asked what his wish is it’s not for souls it’s for Bard to stop torching everything with his flamethrower.

Granted I guess there’s the chance someone could read it and be like wtf why does this slip say “human soul” but still he didn’t even put some shit like “to serve my master until his very end” no he was like “plz someone help Mey-Rin use the correct amount of detergent”

I thought this was so goddamn interesting until I realized it’s the cricket that people used to keep as a pet in some parts of Eastern Asia right? Not the grasshopper? And here I thought I rly was onto something lol

Also this wounds me greatly I hope she changed her mind and will give us the Sebastian flashback we need

I need the fucking lore

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #sebastian michaelis #manga

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vhagarlovebot · 1 year

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this is just me rambling about aemond’s personality. i see a lot of people saying he’s cruel just for the sake of it when there is so much more. if you read it, thank u. <3

aemond targaryen can be though, scary and agressive, very challenging too. you only need to look at the prince to know that. he exudes authority and confidence, everyone respects him because he has earned that. he’s determinated to get what he wants and we see that when he claims vhagar (the abuse he suffered has a lot to do with that), and he’s very aware that he is the best option to be king, not his brother. because he’s the one who studies history and philosophy, he’s the one who trains with the sword, he’s the one who rides the largest dragon in the world. not the drunkard of his brother who does not want the throne, who begged him to let him run away. aemond knows his brother should not be the king but he supports him, he supports his mother, his family; that’s why he did not do anything, he really thought about his words because then he would’ve the opportunity to claim the throne but what he wants is not a priority. duty means a lot to him. he has been raised that way.

aemond is controlling, he wants people to obey him, he likes to give orders and use people to get what he wants, what he needs. other people emotions (outside his family) do not matter to him (not much) if he has a goal in mind.

aemond can be impulsive, bold and direct. but aemond is also hurt, he was abused and bullied as a child, he lost an eye, and you can’t get over it like it does not matter, it’s not something easy to forget, it doesn’t have to be. he did what he did in that moment (the dinner-pig moment) because it was the only right way to react for him. he’s traumatized and angry, he wants someone to pay, but he also did it out of impulse, because he was fucking angry. and it wasn’t just for that specific moment, he’s been carrying that anger since he was a child, bullied by his own brother and nephews.

aemond can be all this things but he’s also someone who just wants to make his mother, his family, proud. he’s craving the praise because growing up no one, besides his mother, acknowledged him. he felt the need to prove himself and everyone around that he could be well-educated, always studying and learning everything he could. that he could also be the best swordsman in the seven kingdoms; he tried to compensate not having a dragon by doing all those things.

the abuse he suffered forced him to hide under that “scary prince look”, when deep down aemond is caring and attentive. he has so much to give but no one to give to. he loves his mother, he would do anything for her, she’s the only one who has always defended him, she was the only one to show him some kind of love. his father never loved or cared about him, his siblings suffered the same as him, so aemond does not know much about love, or how to be affectionate. he only knows cruelty and pain.

aemond wasn’t raised to hate his nephews. they forced him to hate them themselves by the way they always mocked and bullied him. aemond even tried to be there for jace and be friendly at laena’s funeral but it was jace who gave him the cold shoulder. it was also viserys fault, always showing his preference for rhaenyra and her children, it was his own mother and her rivalry with rhaenyra. it was also luke’s fault, taking away an important part of him. it was not aemond’s fault he grew up feeling the way he feels about them.

then what are you expecting from a boy who was so wronged like aemond? be fucking for real and realize how complex aemond targaryen really is. he’s not the way he is just because, there are a lot of fucking reasons.

#gwen’s time to: talk about aemond <3.#aemond targaryen deserves better #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen angst #hotd x reader #aemond targaryen x you #i’m gonna protect babygirl <3 at all costs

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thesituation · 2 months

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i saw a post saying like “i hope chilchuck’s wife moved on and got with someone new and he works on himself alone because it’s what she deserves instead of staying with a guy she had 3 kids with as a teenager” why do you guys hate happy endings so bad!! it’s cute that he wants to reconcile and it’d be even cuter if she gave him another chance after he showed her he learned from his mistakes! not everything is perfectly moral or immoral and just cause chilchuck is emotionally distant doesn’t mean he deserves to be alone forever and never be forgiven.. kind of cruel to think that’s the most Moral outcome.. the series gave us a hopeful outlook on their reconciliation because they love each other and want it to work, chilchuck just didn’t know how to go about it and pushed it off because it’s easier that way.. it’s not the type of series that glorifies cruelty for the sake of gritty realism, it’s hopeful and optimistically realistic which is so much more rewarding imo

#.txt #dm

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mooncleaver · 2 years

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warnings: the battle of manhattan basically, one mention of g*be, loosely canonical

[14:20]

"she's just- agh! i don't even know why im so frustrated!"

his voice leaked with worry, cracking at its seams with barely contained panic that etched his dialogue, utterly maddened at the thought of you being separated from him. he didn't even have time to react properly when you'd disappeared from his sight to help the others prepare for the imminent battle, leaving like a breeze that left him a tangled mess thinking of how he wouldn't be able to protect you if something—gods forbid—ever happened to you. there was simply no time to act on his thoughts; there were so many lives at risk if any single mistake was made in these fragile moments.

much to percy's deathly relief, he got the chance to visit sally one more time before everything went down. though, it was not as joyful as a trip to his mother's would usually be. his movements were frantic, furiously trying to contact you and not attract any monsters at the same time. he paced around the apartment at least twice in a circle, muffled footsteps thudding like the the ones emanating from his heartbeat, a thousand thoughts whirring in his mind faster than he could comprehend.

“percy,” his mother’s distant voice buzzed in his ear but he was too preoccupied to think it wasn't just a figment of his battered imagination.

sally frowned at her son's condition. he looked out of breath, eyes moving wildly with a burden far too heavy weighing on his shoulder. of course, she knew the perils of the demigod life, already experiencing it first hand when she was held hostage by the god of the underworld. even after she was set free, knowing her son had gone through all of that danger—dangers that a 12 year old should not have to confront, ever—still made her heart palpitate wildly with anxiety and unease. back then.. he was still so innocent to the true cruelty of this world.

all her life sally had done everything she could to protect him, shouldered the rain for him and took bullets life aimed at them. she believed with her whole heart that he was the greatest blessing to her, a ball of happiness contained into this wonder of a boy. he was her light in the darkness, borne of ardor and genuine adoration between her and a man that seemed to be a myth on earth. and that was what their love story felt like: a golden myth between two lost souls looking for solace. but the world was a wicked thing sometimes, slipping through a back door and carving out a person as it took and took from them. when he left, her salvation came in the form of her son with the brightest eyes and the purest of hearts; sally would be damned if something happened to him.

but some things were just.. simply meant to be. things like going through a hurt that would mar someone physically and mentally, but also to come back with a love that allowed one to forgive cruel fate. that didn't mean that she wouldn't fight tooth and nail trying to defy it for her only boy. it was a hard pill to swallow but as the saying goes, if you love something, let it go. with time she learnt to let go, to let him experience the life he was meant to live—all the good and bad, the ones that shaped him to be the valiant boy he is now. in the end, he always came back. her baby boy always came back to her with the same heart that was too big for the world.

and to think that dreadful year was just the beginning of it. now, he was preparing for war with a titan. gearing up with armor that looked as if it’d crumble at the sight of an ill-intent heart, with will power that was only just forged, too fragile to be hurt. absolutely no mother in this world would want to see their child off to war—he was just a boy for goodness sake, only fifteen. although he was a teenager already now, grown and mature for his age, in her eyes he'd always be her baby that would munch on her blue cookies, so small and ingenuous as he sat on the marble counters. her baby who was her driving force, her reason and her motivation to give the both of them a better life, even if it meant marrying someone as vile as gabe ugliano. it pained her deeply to see percy so distressed.

she finally reached out to him gently, trying not to surprise him as she hooked her arms over his elbows. "hey, hey, look at me,"

"what's going on?" percy looked up at her, eyes filled with glassy frustration and cavernous fear for the one he was talking about. sally brushed the stray hairs that lamented his forehead after his relentless messing of it, revealing those ceruleans that she adored so much.

"y/n, she- she just left! didn't even tell me where.. just said that she'd go help the rest and that we'd meet in the battlefield.. we were supposed to go there together but.."

oh.. so it was about her. his best friend that he met at camp, his best friend that he would subconsciously ramble about whenever she asked about how life away from home was going. the one that he always seemed to deviate to, even if the conversation wasn't about her in the first place. the same 'best friend' that was clearly brewing into something more at its seams. sally couldn't help but smile at the way her son was fretting over your safety.

"calm your heart, darling, take a deep breathe. everything's going to be okay." and by the gods, there was absolutely no better place in this world than a mother's embrace. he felt the trepidations disappear the moment he succumbed to her allaying scent, eyes closing as the present finally found clemency in his mind.

she always smelled like milk and honey to him. sometimes with a hint of jasmine or bergamot in fleeting flashes that lingered in his senses, but always milk and honey prevailing. it reminded him of the scent of sweet salvation and oh did he hope that when he dies the promised land was in the arms of his mother.

maybe it was the way sally was caressing his back so tenderly that it reminded him of the way she would do that whenever he felt upset, or maybe it was the way he could feel her heartbeat as he laid his ears against her chest; a heart that beat so passionately with love that it was the sole thing anchoring him in this moment. whatever it was, he knew that it was because she was simply his mother, and a mother's love transcends even words and time.

after letting him come back to his senses for a whim, she cupped the side of his cheek onto her palms, guiding his head to face her with a certain benign only one so passionately loving would show, "it's alright to feel angry or upset. you care about her safety, don't you? care manifests differently in people, percy. and it's okay to feel so vehemently about protecting her. that’s what love does to people.”

percy felt his heart skip a beat.

"i don't-" and she gave him a look that dared him to deny her words once more. percy quickly shut his mouth after, scrunching up his brows. there was so much to say and yet, there was nothing needed to be said. she already understood his heart from a single glance at his face, maybe understood him more than he understood himself.

"i guess.. you're right." he eventually let out, honestly unsure of himself. what did she mean, love? surely it was a kind of familiar or platonic love.. right? like loving a sister. but his heart painfully protested otherwise.

"of course i am." she smiled cheekily, nudging her elbows onto his side as he looked away, clearly embarrassed.

sally pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, resting the pad of her thumb on the bags under his eyes and it felt like pure magic; as if her mere touch could heal him. "now you just keep a clear mind and go out there to find her, okay?"

"but what about you, paul-" percy panicked again, now thinking about the safety of the two of the most important people in his life.

“don't worry about us, baby. we're gonna go find somewhere safe to stay. besides, if any fool ever tries me, you know i do have quite the experience with the.. ehem, defense tools." defense tools might sound like a little bit of an understatement. his mother knew how to defend herself well of course. hades, he even convinced her to take on taekwondo lessons at some point. not to mention that she does in fact know how to use a gun—only for emergencies, of course. you can never be too safe from potential danger.

percy let out a breathy chuckle at her words. even in the most dire situations, sally would always manage to spark up a happy light inside of him. with a new-found resolute, he took a deep breathe and steeled his heart, now even more determined to find you and protect the people he loved.

“okay. okay.. i'm gonna leave now. please, please be safe. i love you so much, mom.” he almost jumped into her arms again, squeezing his eyes shut at the crook of her neck so he could burn it in his mind her familiar scent, the feeling of her hug.

sally smiled fondly, replying to him in the gentlest of tones. “i love you too percy.”

and just when he was about to leave out the door he felt her grab onto his arm again, now faced with a scarily sudden threatening look that he did not want to fall prey to again, "and no funny business out there, you hear me young man?" percy didn’t need to be told that twice. she really meant it with the way her eyes earned a sharp gleam to them, ready to pounce if anyone were to disobey her.

"yes ma’am."

and maybe percy didn't understand what this 'love' his mother was talking about before, but when you took that poisoned dagger meant for him, willingly risking your own life for the sake of him, he finally knew what it meant to love someone. to have your heart resting on the tip of their fingers, so easily broken if they were to make a single detrimental shift. to love someone so much that it made him afraid to lose. that notion alone turned his fears into a burning passion, a burning passion to care about you with such devotion that would one day be venerated in the stars, glittering so brightly as if his love refused to falter.

ok but like let me just rave about how much i love my mom and how much i love sally jackson through this fic pls

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