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luveline · 9 months

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is there any way we could get badass!reader x spencer? except he’s injured this time? how does she react?

tysm ♡ cw hospital / gunshot wounds. 1.1k

"You have to let me see him."

"It's family only," the nurse says, shrugging sympathetically.

You grit your teeth. "That's what I'm telling you, I am his family. We've been together for four months."

"Sorry. Unless you're blood related or his next of kin, I can't let you."

"Spencer's next of kin is in a sanitarium in Las Vegas. I don't understand why you can't let me see him." You're trying not to shout at her, rage trembling in your aching fingers. "I understand that it's night time, and that he was admitted alone, but he was shot, he's not sick, and I can't make him worse. Please. You have to let me see him."

When begging doesn't work, you get mean. You'd be ashamed to admit you flashed your badge if it weren't for the fact that you have no shame when it comes to Spencer. Face flushed with heat from a good twenty minutes yelling, a different nurse escorts you to Spencer's room.

"I expect my colleagues will be arriving soon," you say. "And I expect they'll be met with less resistance."

The nurse smiles at you, as fake as they come, but you don't deserve a real one. You don't care. Breaking rules and bending policies means nothing to you while Spencer's laying alone in a hospital bed.

His heart monitor beeps steadily. He's sleeping, waxy face crushed sideways into a limp pillow, his stomach a lump under the sheets where he's been wrapped. He was alone when it happened —no one, BAU or otherwise, knows who did it or why. The hospital didn't know who Spencer was until he woke up after surgery and told them himself.

And you'd been sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself (and vaguely irritated) because he didn't answer your text that morning.

It's not hard being vulnerable with Spencer. He's your widely known soft spot, and you're unashamed. But it felt like a mistake, constantly checking to see if he'd answered your text. Good morning, I know we're supposed to see each other tomorrow but do you want to come over and watch movies tonight? Let me know had felt like I'm pathetic and in love with you and my day revolves around when you're free.

None of that matters now. In fact, it's all embarrassingly small.

You creep up beside his bed and reach out tentatively. His hair falls out of his face with the barest of touches. He's had blood wiped poorly from his cheek, orangey streaks lining his jaw. His undereyes are dark like he hasn't eaten for days, his veins spider legs stark against his eyelids.

You put your hand on his cheek, rubbing it lightly. "I'm sorry it took me so long," you say, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

Spencer stirs, a groan rumbling from the centre of his chest.

"I thought that was you," he mumbles, his fingers brushing your elbow.

"When?" you ask.

"You were yelling."

Yeah, well. You need to be disruptive sometimes. "They wouldn't let me in." You're not a big crier, just seeing him like this, knowing he was alone and probably scared, it has tears pricking. "Spencer, I'm so sorry."

"Hey." He clears his throat, your emotion starting him into wakefulness. "Hey, don't get upset. It's okay. It bounced off of me–" You groan and he laughs, though he grabs your elbow quickly after. "Ouch. Don't make me laugh."

"I didn't say anything." You pet his face. He looks pretty even when he's in a bad way. Your chest is a pit.

"It barely touched me. They said my feminine hips saved my life."

"Stop trying to make me laugh," you say pleadingly.

Spencer holds your gaze. "Stop looking so sad and I'll stop."

"Are you hurting?" you ask. You know you sound awful, a scared tone that he's never heard from you before, and you try to tamp it down as a lone tear breaks free, streaking down your cheek. "How's your pain? I can make them give you more–"

"I know you can. I'm fine now you're here."

You lean down to kiss the tip of his pert nose. Careful, you kiss his lips, enthused when he kisses up. "I'll take care of everything," you promise.

The door opens behind you. You give Spencer a last squeeze and find Emily in the entrance with a bag pressed to her chest, her hair windblown, shocked with worry.

"Spencer," she says, rushing forward to hug him.

He's in a hospital bed and still insists on comforting her as he'd done you, arms threaded over her shoulders. "Hey. I'm fine."

"Morgan and Garcia want to be here," she assures him, standing straight. "They're trying to keep the site clean. Spencer, what the hell happened?"

You drag a chair to his bed and sit on his right. You don't take his hand, he doesn't offer it, but the longer his story goes, the closer you find yourself. "I didn't even realise they were following me," he's saying. Emily nods with Hotch on the phone, listening intently, repeating anything Hotch misses.

You know you should be strong. Brave. You should be paying attention to his every word, ready to take the rains and solve the case, serve retribution against whoever it is that thought they could hurt him, but Spencer looks so tired. You can't imagine being anywhere that isn't his side right now. A blood bag fills at his side, a catheter runs under the bed, an IV line feeding pain medication and fluids into him mottled the skin on the inside of his wrist with bruise. Sometimes you have to stay put.

Emily hugs you before she leaves. You hug back.

"If I knew getting hurt would make you accept love from your friends, I would've done it sooner," Spencer says.

"If you ever get hurt like this again, I'll never speak to you," you say, bringing his arm to your lips and pressing a kiss to the crook of his elbow.

"Sorry for scaring you."

You lay your cheek on his arm, looking up at him through your eyelashes. "That's okay. That's fine. Wasn't your fault."

Spencer drops his chin to his chest. "Do I look bad from this angle?"

"No. You look just as nice as you always do." Your throat burns with sincerity. You might cry again.

Spencer nods like he's reading something else from what you've said. It's not that you'd meant to imply a double meaning, but he must see on your face how relieved you are, and how terrified you'd been. He brings his hand to your face, ignoring his cannula, to wipe the dried tears from your lashes. "You look pretty, too," he says. "Just don't cry anymore."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader

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ur-local-anti-hero · 2 months

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Speak now (Marauders' version) Masterlist

Hi! this is the first time I'm posting in the Marauders fandom, and as my formal application I decided to write a series of different one-shots and drabbles based on Speak now :)

Therefore I present to you: Speak now (Marauders' version), in which each song has its own piece of writing for a diffent marauders era character.

Here is the masterlist, I'll be uploading it weekly, (at least once a week). First piece of writing will be up tomorrow.

Some clarifications: reader is fem! unless stated differently. English is not my first lenguage, so some mistakes are bound to happen, if you spot any don't hesitate to politely reach out.

If you want to be added to the taglist send me a message or ask!

Mine - Remus x reader

Remus swears he's never been more in love. "Flash forwards and we're takin' on the word together, and there's a drawer of my thing at your place" "You are the best thing, That's ever been mine" Domestic fluff

Sparks fly - Sirius x Pure blood Slytherin!reader + What happened after.

Dating a Black was not the problem, the problem was that is Sirius, a known bloodtraitor. “I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild. Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right” Hurt/comfort

Back to december - Remus x reader

Remus feels like he will regret that night the rest of his life, the marauders convince him to do something about it. “So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, Saying I'm sorry for that night" It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine” Hurt comfort, second chance romance

Speak now - James x Malfoy!reader

If the marauders are against something, its agaisnt pureblood families ideologies. Sometimes that implies to wreak havoc on a white veil occasion. “So don't say yes, run away now, I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door. Don't wait, or say a single vow, You need to hear me out” Hurt/comfort, Fluff, arranged marriage

Maybe you should have listened to your best friend's warning about Regulus, you didn't. Now you just have to deal with the consequences. “Maybe it's you and your sick need To give love then take it away. And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors, Who don't understand" "And I'll look back and regret. I ignored when they said, "Run as fast as you can" Angst

Dear John - Regulus x reader

Mean - Lily x reader

You had some words you'd like to say to Snape after he insulted the kindest girl you've ever met "All you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life" Hurt/comfort

The story of us - Sirius x reader

Sometimes your relationship with Sirius looked like a contest of who could be more prideful, but this time it's gone too far and all you want is to have him back. "This is looking like a contest, of who can act like they care less. But I liked it more when you were on my side, the battle's in your hands now." Angst, fluff

Never grow up - Wolfstar x daughther!reader (No voldy au)

Remus and Sirius watch their daughter grow up and wish she could stay as their little girl forever. “Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple. I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart. And no one will desert you, Just try to never grow up, never grow up” Fluff

Enchanted - Remus x reader (Soulmate au)

As soon as you saw him walking through the door you knew you'd love him forever. His first words only verified it. Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?". Across the room, your silhouette, Starts to make its way to me The playful conversation starts, Counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy. And it was enchanting to meet you” Fluff

Better than revenge - James Potter x reader

Maybe fake dating your ex's best friend wasn't the best way of getting revenge "The story starts when it was hot and it was summer, and I had it all, I had him right there where I wanted him She came along, got him alone, and let's hear the applause She took him faster than you can say"Sabotage"" Fake dating

Innocent - Regulus x reader

After he realized what his parents have done Regulus can't help but breakdown, good thing you are there for him. “Did some things you can't speak of, But at night you live it all again. You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now, If only you had seen what you know now then" Hurt/comfort

Haunted - Remus x reader

Remus' worlds shifts entirely when his worst nightmare becomes true and he isn't sure if he is ever going to be able to look at you again when he is sure he has destroyed your life. “Something's gone terribly wrong, You're all I wanted.Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone, Can't turn back now, I'm haunted” angst hurt/comfort

Last Kiss - Sirius x reader

Breaking up with sirius was the hardest thing you've ever done. You can't help but miss the way his lips felt against yours. "I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets. How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something, There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions” Angst

Long live - poly!Marauders x reader (Band!Au)

All your hard work as a band has led you and the boys to this moment, nominated as the best new artist and attending one of the most prestigius galas in the music industry. “I passed the pictures around, Of all the years that we stood there, On the sidelines wishing for right now When they gave us our trophies, And we held them up for our town, and The Cynics were outragedScreaming, "This is absurd!"” Fluff

Ours - James x reader (Band!Au)

When people start to comment on James' personality is your job to make sure he knows how much he means to everyone, but specifically how much he means to you. “So don't you worry your pretty, little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine And life makes love look hard, The stakes are high, the water's rough. But this love is ours” Hurt/comfort

Superman - Remus x reader (Spiderman!Au)

Remus worries that his girlfriend will leave him when she learns the truth. You worry he is too oblivious to realize you already know. "I'll be right here on the ground, When you come back down. Tall, dark and beautiful. He's complicated, he's irrational, But I hope someday he'll take me away, And save the day fluff

From the vault tracks

Electric touch - Sirius x reader (College!Au)

Your friends are tired of telling you that he is going to break your heart. You'd let Sirius gamble with your heart as long as the chance of hapiness is there. “All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life. Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life And I want you now, wanna need you forever. In the heat of your electric touch”

When Emma falls in love - James x reader

You navigate what's like to be in love with James 'Cause when Emma falls in love, she's in it for keeps She won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave” fluff Hurt/comfort

I can see you - Remus x reader

As much as you hated him, you couldn't deny his natural charm and the way he seemed to have a magnetic field around him that made you gravitate towards him, once and once again. “Passed me a note sayin’, "Meet me tonight", Then we kiss and you know I won't ever tell. And I could see you being my addiction, You can see me as a secret mission. Hide away and I will start behaving myself" Rivals to lover

Castles crumbling - Regulus x reader (Royal Au)

You loved him more than anything, you were the best thing that ever happened to him. But your love is impossible and forbidden. When he doesn't have anything left he runs to you, wondering if you'll love him now. “And I feel like my castle's crumbling down And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground And you don't want to know me, I will just let you down You don't wanna know me now” Hurt/comfort, forbidden romace, fluff

Foolish one - Peter x reader

Peter is used to being the second chance, but he can't help but feel betrayed when his bestfriend and crush starts to get closer to Sirius. "Foolish one, Stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love That ain't never gonna come You will learn the hard way instead of just walkin' out" Hurt/comfort

Timeless - James x reader (Soulmate!Au)

James and you are fated to find each other in every life you live. "Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this, So even in a different life You still would've been mine. We would've been timeless" Fluff

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cat-downthestreet · 4 months

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hey, listen! this is a rant post about neurodivergent characters in Genshin and my frustration with the fandom's reading comprehension skills. if you're in a bad place or just don't like angry rants, please don't force yourself and go read something else instead. <3

Okay, so, I watched this video recently, and let's just say, I have some thoughts.

https://youtu.be/tYK3297p4rk?si=eMaf8NF57HFlUhfd

This isn't just a Xiao problem- the entire fandom is terrible at characterization. The example that makes me the most angry is the mischaracterization of neurodivergent characters.

Take Alhaitham for example. He's often seen as rude and narcissistic by the fandom- which is especially apparent in Haikaveh content, where people portray him as straight up abusive.

You wanna know why this makes me so mad? The supposedly narcissistic and rude traits Alhaitham has are actually just exaggerated symptoms of autism.

Like, come ON, people. Don't skip dialogue. Better yet, go read through his story quest again. He straight up tells someone who sees him as narcissistic that he doesn't see others as less than himself. Also, his voicelines basically confirm this- he's extremely socially inept and he doesn't care. He has difficulty showing emotions as readily as his peers- that doesn't mean he doesn't have them, just that he expresses them differently. He comes across as rude because he doesn't get that people don't like to hear what they're doing wrong, and he probably doesn't care because that's not his problem. If people don't like how blunt he is, that's their problem. At least, that's how I think he views the world.

And like, there are SO many hints that he's autistic. He wears sound-blocking earpieces, for crying out loud. Hell, the ENTIRE REASON why he helped out during the Archon quest was because he didn't want his life to change too much. Preferring routine is an autistic trait.

And the worst part is, when I talk about this outside of neurodivergent groups, people tell me I'm wrong and that he couldn't be autistic DESPITE THOSE PEOPLE NOT BEING AUTISTIC THEMSELVES.

And I'm not saying that every autistic person relates to Alhaitham, but I certainly do. And I'm actually quite friendly because I'm anxious about being rejected. Alhaitham isn't, and I'm so jealous of him for that. He's living his best life.

Finally, back to the Haikaveh thing... Alhaitham isn't abusive. He doesn't say horrible things to Kaveh, and the one example of him doing that I could find, he immediately backtracked and subtly tried to make Kaveh feel better. Hell, Alhaitham doesn't even actually care about making sure Kaveh pays rent. He says it as a joke, but because he's autistic and his tone of voice doesn't give that away as well, he's portrayed as abusive and misunderstood as narcissistic. Y'all just don't like neurodivergent people and it shows.

Yes, neurodivergent includes Xiao. PTSD is often viewed as a form of neurodivergency, and there are many MANY characters in Genshin that have PTSD or some other form of neurodivergence. Yet people refuse to see them as such and mischaracterize them as "edgy," "narcissistic," "unapproachable," "weird," and the like. Yet none of these characters are any of those things.

You wanna know the true narcissists? The true edgelords? The actually rude people? Might I direct your attention to Scaramouche, Childe, and Dottore, whom everyone makes out to be as misunderstood pathetic little meow meows that need love.

Reminder that only two of those three are actually redeemable, and one is STILL an edgelord who is more rude than Alhaitham could ever be, while the other is a certified insane person with a weird set of morals.

(Side note: I love Scaramouche and Childe as characters. I'm just tired of people acting like they aren't worse than the autistic characters. Scaramouche is extremely rude, but he's trying to be better as Wanderer thanks to Nahida's help. He has severe PTSD, and Childe does, too. But both of them are actually messed up and have done horrible things, yet people portray them as better and more in need of love than the characters with unlikable (read: neurodivergent) traits.)

Don't even get me started on how people portray Kokomi, Sucrose, Fischl, Diluc, Zhongli, Cyno, Furina, Neuvillette, and Albedo. Especially that last one- I WILL get mad if one more person tries to tell me he's just emotionless and rude.

Also, if anyone is wondering where I've seen people misunderstanding these characters, it's mostly on Hoyolab site discussions. There's one too many posts talking about how "rude" and "annoying" these characters are.

With Alhaitham especially, I see many people writing him as abusive in Haikaveh content. I see people arguing about the ship being toxic because Alhaitham is "abusive," "unfeeling," and "cruel." Even people who like the ship portray him as such. And I've seen too many people comparing him to Dr. Ratio, who is literally just a narcissist who views others as beneath him. Don't get me wrong, I understand the comparison. It's just... very obvious that people skipped dialogue during Genshin's Archon and story quests.

And it's frustrating because I've been misunderstood in the exact same way. I've been called "rude," "annoying," and "unfeeling" in the past and it's screwed me up. Seeing people do the same thing to a character I so deeply relate to makes me lose confidence in both myself and people around me.

If that's how you view a fictional character with autistic traits, how do you treat real people with the same traits?

Thanks for reading this far. My previous post seemed to get a lot of attention, so I felt more confident about posting my full perspective on this subject. Can any of you think of other characters that have been constantly misunderstood in the fandom? I'd love to hear about it.

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aarkose · 2 years

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Everyone calls Dream a pathetic petty little baby girl and like, yeah he is - but

And the characters themselves are like Morpheus is cold, unfeeling, harsh, cruel and yeah he can be and he holds intense grudges - but

I haven't really seen anyone talk about the scene where he's facing the Corinthian, who Morpheus admits was his masterpiece. And our favourite nightmare pointedly says that Dream doesn't care about humanity. He only cares about himself, and his realm and his rules.

Morpheus sort of gets exasperated here, like really dude? And tells us he contains the entire collective unconscious, without his rules it would consume him and humanity. Like maybe he's been there before, or close to it. He admitted he lost an entire universe before because he didn't take out their vortex.

His voice trembles on the word consume, like its always there, ready to crush him, like he's constantly battling, like he's tired, like no one's ever really asked, understood or comprehended that before and he's admitting it for maybe the first time or it's one of the very few. And of all the beings he's admitting it to the Corinthian who throws it in his face.

Death more or less says dream mopes and he should get over it. Fiddler's Green insinuates he's almost incapable of apology or empathy. Lucienne believes he dismisses their efforts and that he's harsh with his punishments. Gault in their defiance tries to make him see that things should be capable of change and wanting something different.

No one seems to get the truth of him? Or part of it. Or if they do it's not apparent and it seems a great tragedy to me. When he says the entire collective unconscious, I'm assuming he means entire, as in not just human - as in all life including other species we don't know of, that are otherwise 'alien'. It seems almost unfathomable to me no one stops to think he's the way he is for a reason.

Every single unconscious thought, decision, fear, nightmare, dream, hope - anything and everything that can manifest in dreams from the nonsensical and absurd to disturbing and whimsical, including concepts we don't even understand as humans. That is what Morpheus is made of. The screams dying in throats as people wake from horrors, the reoccurring scenes of falling, being chased, being late, the grief from loved ones dying, flying, school, sex - the ones that don't make any sense.

The nightmares that are so real and strong you can't get back to sleep. The dreams that are so sweet or fantastic you wake up mourning their loss. Day dreams, dreams that pick up where they left off, lucid dreams, depraved and disturbing dreams. The little thoughts we have about others we'd never say out loud or tell another living soul but they exist. It's all real, part of what makes us who we are and every other being that can dream - no wonder Morpheus' voice trembles on the word consume. That has to be near maddening? Like he's riding the line between insanity at any given moment because dreams can be entirely bizarre as much as they can hold significant meaning.

So he mopes? He's distant? He's cruel or uncaring. Unfeeling in how he operates - I feel like I would be too if I contained the concepts of the entirety of existence - everything his siblings govern exists in his realm in the form of dreams. You can dream about desire, death, destruction, delirium, destiny, despair, all of it. He doesn't feel enough? Distant? Ungrateful?

I think he feels too much, way too much and he can only push it down so far, or hold it back just enough. It makes him seem so delicate in my mind, like those who bottle and bottle. Pushing everything down or back just to keep functioning and then one little thing makes them snap. Suddenly you've damned your former lover to ten thousand years in hell because that amount of time and processing doesn't seem unreasonable against the impossibly incomprehensible thing that is existences unconscious. Let's not forget the souls in hell or every other afterlife, if they also dream, the concept of dreams as goals, the act of dreaming, creation and destruction, every nasty little thought, every fucked up thing anyone has ever comprehended and every joy.

Maybe that's why everyone's harsh on him in my eyes, that he should have all this perspective but seemingly doesn't? But he believes what he does because he has that perspective and some things within that spectrum do not change, they repeat because there's only so much that can exist, and that has to be tiresome.

But honestly, the other Endless, dreams and nightmares should realise what he's dealing with? Especially those close to him, or orbiting because no one is ever really close, and if dreams and nightmares can dream then Morpheus should know those too. I'd probs keep everyone away from me if I was a scrambled construct of emotions.

Fuck me up honestly. My tiny human brain is snapping trying to even comprehend the inner workings of Dream. None of this even makes sense. Just let the man rest, give the baby girl some slack. He's got both feet off the edge and no one's got his back. I'm tired now.

TLDR: Dream probably is the way he is because being who he is, is a lot.

#the sandman #lord of dreams #dream of the endless #useless ramblings #the sandman meta #meta #netflix the sandman #the sandman spoilers #the sandman netflix #morpheus #lord morpheus #i'm sorry about this but I had to get it out #for safe keeping #my ramblings #neil gaiman #bunch of bullshit I word vomited for no reason

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readbyred · 2 months

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Hi :)

Heard you were accepting dps requests so what about a charlie fic

I feel like charlie is the type of person to flirt with everyone and ask anyone he finds attractive out except when it comes to the person he actually has feelings for so what about charlie x reader where reader has been waiting since before they graduated for him to ask her out and as soon as she decides to move on charlie gets all sad and jealous and confesses and yknow how it goes

Would love to see this in a fic ♡

Not a fic blog (maybe someday), but I can give you a headcanon (so, shorter and no dialogue) though… I did get a bit inspired, so its longer than my usual writing

I think as a teen he was the sort of person to try and prove he’s popular with people. It would feel bad to lump you in with that. Like, he actually liked you, so it's different. Not that he has no respect for people he flirts with, but he knows it isn't anything serious. He was just a teen guy trying to impress his friends and get the experience he was prevented from getting (with his strict school and all). Especially with his position in the friend group and all.

Still, he hoped to have something serious with you one day. One day when he gets the courage, when he feels like it will work out and he won't jeopardize the whole friend group because of his crush.

But that day didn't come when he was at Welton. Then he had other things to worry about, considering his departure from the school. It was a hard time for everybody. But no matter the odds the poets kept in touch, as much as they could. And that included you.

Only, as years passed you started losing hope. I mean, if he wanted to he would, right? It felt so helplessly pathetic to be waiting for Charlie when it seemed that he had never and will never return your feelings.

When you were younger, it felt like the end of the world. Like you were destined to be alone. Oh, how many nights you’ve spent with Knox, wallowing in self-pity after Chris left him. Just sitting there with your buddy, talking about how you should go to a monastery. Not out of a spiritual need, but because there would be no one ever to love you. Guess you were a bit dramatic back then. It took Pitts many tries to smack some sense into you but you matured eventually.

When college approached, you were ready to meet new people. Although you weren't in the same school together anymore, you made a promise with the poets to keep seeing each other regularly.

Meanwhile, you met Mark. A true romantic soul with quite a witty humour. And Jack who would always treat you so sweetly and had the same interests as you. And Adam who walked you to the dorms every day. And Matt who had so much passion for life. You opened yourself up to people. Started meeting up with others.

Suddenly, you’d bring up your dates every meeting. Not to rub it in, just to recall funny moments. Like when a rainstorm caught you and Jack in the middle of a walk and you raced to the dorms. Or how you and Adam got lost in the park at night because neither of you lived in that city before. Knox would encourage you to spill every detail.

Surprisingly, the more you talked about your love life, the less you heard Charlie talk about his. By winter break you haven't heard him talk about any girl in weeks. At first you didn't notice. Then you figured that maybe he just fell for someone who wasn't as easy to charm so he didn't have anything to brag about yet.

The thought of him being so head over hills for this unnamed person made something inside you feel empty. You knew the feeling well from high school and you detested yourself for still having those sorts of thoughts and feelings. But you decided to let it all fizzle out.

You had better things to think about too. There was a ball coming around. Some fancy tradition at your university. Before you knew it, you had quite a few invitations. The sweetest one was from Jack.

He told you to close your eyes and open your palm. Then, he handed you a handcrafted note asking if you'd like to go with him. Later that day you found another one in your pocket (so that's why he told you to close your eyes) telling you he’s grateful to have you in his life. It was perfect. And officially approved by Knox Overstreet!

When you recounted the story, the guys were pretty happy for you. Before anyone could get a word in, Charlie suddenly asked if you were planning to go with Jack. Sincerely, you affirmed. Why not? He was the sweetest guy and you certainly were done moping around. I mean, you knew that Charlie wasn't going to change his mind so you could as well see if you end up liking someone else.

To your surprise, Charlie wasn't as ecstatic as the rest of the poets. He was rather skeptical and even a bit snarky. Commenting on the guy and just being so… weird about it. It angered you to no end because softly rejecting you is one thing. But trying to get in the way of you moving on? That didn't sit right with you. But your drama queen days were over, so you didn't walk off or anything. Just huffed and looked for a way to change the topic.

At the same time Charlie was thinking. Before college it was easy to reassure himself that he had all the time he wanted to make you his. And all the time he wanted to decide if he would do that at all. Everything was easier back when you didn't talk about any guys. Ever. Now he felt like he had to do something. Damn the risk of ruining the friend group. Damn the fear of rejection. And damn Knox for encouraging this mess.

The last thing you expected was for Charlie to get up suddenly. The poets all looked at him confused. When he stood up, his eyes met yours and he asked you to talk with him outside. Honest to Gods, you had no idea what that was about. But he was being dramatic (more so than usual) and something about the determination in his eyes told you to follow your friend outside. It was snowing and only buildings around you somewhat shielded you from the cold wind.

Charlie didn't waste time choosing words. For the first time when talking to a girl, he was completely raw. Just as it hit him, he blurted out his confession. No overplayed charm. No smirks and winks and cheap tricks. Just him. Charlie Dalton telling you that he likes you. That he had liked you for some time. That you should just, please, think about it.

As the last word fell from his mouth, a heavy silence fell between you. Silence colder than the wind and the snow. But Charlie stood there, undeterred, waiting to see the answer in your eyes. Even at his most frantic, he was confident. He understood that he did what he did, what it meant, and that he grasped this last chance by a miracle. There was no turning back now.

Your response first came muffled, as if the falling snowflakes were absorbing your voice. But finally, you confessed. Not without telling him, how long he made you wait. And how stupid he was acting, if he really just ignored his feelings for this long.

Your talk was tender, full of relief. But, as it happens with Charlie, as soon as the talk of real feelings was out of the way, he dragged you back inside, to announce your happy ending.

You couldn't believe he wanted to brag to your friends at a moment like this. But you just stood there, watching him with a smile. Some things never changed. Charlie certainly didn't. And you wouldn't have it any other way

#fun fact none of those ppl are made up #I just described a few guys from school that I've been talking to #same with the note situation lol #what makes it funnier is that I am in fact going with Jack and he heavily relates to Knox #so while I gave you the watered down version you can imagine the pizazz this guy had when inviting me #that's why I had to add the Knox approved part #they are literalky the same person #dps x reader #charlie dalton #charlie dalton x reader #dead poets society x reader #x reader

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artist-issues · 4 months

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On the Percy Jackson series, now that the season has concluded, do you have any thoughts on it, whether standalone or as an adaptation, about what worked and didn't work in it? I ask partly because I want to analyse it as its own thing but I can't stop getting hung up on the changes and I'm not completely sure why.

Of all things, Gabe is the big one for me. They turned him from a repulsive abuser to a pathetic manchild who lacks the power dynamic of his book counterpart and was so consistently treated as comic relief that I actually pitied him. The fact that he shares the fate of his book counterpart actually kind of angers me and it's hard for me to look past that. It left a mean-spirited taste in my mouth.

I don’t think I’ve talked enough about what did work, and I do think there’s a place for talking about that, so I’m glad you asked!

I think Walker Scobell could play a really excellent Percy Jackson. And I think Leah Jeffries and Aryan Simhadri are both very endearing in their roles.

I’m not going to throw shade on 14 year-old actors and actresses. There’s no shade to throw. Acting is vulnerability combined with introspection and understanding. No teenager is going to have the same level of vulnerability, understanding, and introspection, expressed with the same skill, as we’re used to seeing in adults, period. And the show doesn’t do them any favors by giving them very adult lines and very adult-behaving characters to play.

Which segues nicely into—the character’s “arcs” are completely different in the show, but they feel more like…”alternate universe” characters than “out-of-character-rewrites.” For the most part.

I already touched on how Grover is a completely different Grover in the TV show. His fear is both too serious and not extreme enough. He’s not comedic. Instead, he is a voice of reason, and he does have a maturity the other two don’t have. He’s written to talk to the other adults differently than Percy and Annabeth are—more like equals, less like teen-vs-adults. You can easily believe that Grover is a 24 year-old in a kid’s body during those scenes, like the ones with Ares.

But there’s a reason he’s not like that in the Percy Jackson books; he’s comedic, and he’s Percy’s best friend. Percy’s only 12 when they meet; it’s weird for a 12 year-old to be best friends with a 24 year-old—who BEHAVES like a 35 year-old, with all the gravity, and maturity, etc. But if the 24 year-old is a magical creature who, for his species, is still pretty young, and has a comedically immature personality, then the chemistry works much better. Anyway. Not my point.

My point is, Grover might not be Grover, but you can still see trace elements of Grover in him. Like how you can see echoes of Spider-Man in Spider-Gwen’s story. It’s an alternate-universe, not a do-over.

Grover still wants to be a seeker.

Grover still feels guilty about not taking better care of Thalia.

Grover still gets the most outraged and cares the most deeply about nature and crimes against nature.

Grover is still a peace-lover at heart, so he’s the most gentle in relational interactions.

‘That kind of stuff is still there. It’s just re-contextualized and…made less fun. That’s all. More serious. More grit.

Same thing with Annabeth:

Annabeth still wants to prove she’s the best of the best.

Annabeth’s still given up on her normal family and is most comfortable in life-or-death strategizing.

Annabeth’s still smart, but specifically wise enough to notice Percy’s heart of gold while everyone else is busy being afraid of or disappointed in him.

Same thing with Percy:

Percy still has the stubborn rebelliousness we all know and love.

Percy’s still a guy who goes with his gut first and foremost.

Percy’s still willing to sacrifice the future for the present, if the present means saving the people he loves.

Percy still makes wise-cracks at wildly inappropriate times.

And I think some of the show is really well written. Some of it. Two parts in particular stand out. The first is when Annabeth and Percy have the post-killing Medusa conversation, and they have that, “she tried to get me to betray you. What did you say? I killed her sister. What did you say? I cut off her head.” exchange. That’s great. The point of that conversation is “you can trust me because no matter how I might be tempted, this is the line I won’t cross.” But they don’t come out and say that. They have the characters say it without saying it, if that makes sense.

The second bit of good writing that comes into my brain was Luke’s conversation with Percy about being small and scary. It was such a good way to introduce the important concept of why gods need demigods/why gods fear demigods, while also lore-dropping things like “Annabeth is afraid of spiders” and “this fantasy world does have rules.” And on top of those boxes getting checked, you can also see the conversation from Luke’s point of view—he’s bitter about being thought of as a small thing to the gods, but now he’s starting to embrace the scariness part.

So some moments are good, writing-wise. Especially if you tilt your head and say “this is an alternate universe.” I just think they’re not always the right moments for Percy Jackson.

#Percy Jackson #Luke castellan #Annabeth chase #pjo #pjo series #percy series #Percy Jackson and the lightning thief #pjo tv show #Disney+#Rick Riordan #Walker Scobell

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ystrike1 · 1 year

Text

Secret Alliance - Lero (8/10)

There's a strange feeling of melancholy here. It's in every chapter. Even the cute ones. If you want to take a good long look at what mental illness is like this is the story for you. It is almost too miserable for my taste. Even the happy ending is stained with years of regret and relationships that can't be fixed.

Ok so the yandere here ruins two families. His own family and his ex-girlfriend's family. The author, Lero, deconstructs what a "yandere" is. The concept is broken down into the basics. What would a yandere be in a regular society? Would they succeed? What would a modern day romance with an unstable person actually be like? The answers...aren't rosy or exciting.

The stalker is pathetic, and that's that. That's the reality. No woman with any sense of self preservation would choose somebody unstable, who is obsessed with isolating them. That is the end lesson the author leaves us with. It doesn't matter if you have a "special relationship" with a toxic person. It is always best to move on.

Sian had a boyfriend when she was young. He had a pretty face and a tough, rude outer shell. When they started dating he immediately started doting on her and spending all of his time with her. Sian started dating him specifically because of his face. He is a pretty boy. His girly looks made him less scary to Sian. Sian's mother does not trust men. She's also rather unstable and controlling, so from a young age she was unusually wary of men. Her boyfriend...was a lot like her mother. He agreed. He also thought men were disgusting. He said he was the only one she should trust. He said she didn't need any girl or boy friends. He said she only needed him. When she tried to break up with him he locked her in a shed, and his possessive rant made her faint from fear. Nothing sexual happened, but that doesn't matter.

Sian was traumatized by the incident because that boyfriend didn't have a limit. Sian's mother didn't approve of him, so her loving boyfriend pissed her off on purpose. Sian's somewhat unstable mother stabbed him with a knife. Horror ensues. Sian's boyfriend told her not to worry. Now they can call child services. Sian doesn't need her mother. She only needs him. He also reveals, in his hospital bed, that he did taunt and terrify her mother on purpose. All of that, on top of being trapped in a shed for an entire night with him...ruined her dating life.

Sian can't even touch men.

It's interfering with her daily life now, years later.

Sian is sort of considering becoming a lesbian, even though she's not into women. It's very depressing. A gorgeous woman named Yuri is totally nuts for her. Yuri is willing to spend time with her every day. Yuri doesn't think her fear of men is weird....and Yuri agrees with her mother. Getting an education is fine, but she should work from home and stay away from men.

Weird.

Deep down Sian doesn't want that. She wants to get better, and be a fully functioning person. She doesn't want to hate men just because of one asshole. She's deeply insecure. Sian thinks she looks like a man, due to bullying back in her school days. It was classic negging. You've heard it before I'm sure.

You're sooooo ugly and boyish. You'd be lucky if I lowered myself to date you. Be my side chick blah blah blah.

Sian didn't learn about the reality of negging and sexual bullying. (and the tactics men use to make woman start dating when they're not ready/settle for men they don't really like.) It's complicated but she never learned that nuance, because she's overly sheltered. That doesn't make her a princess. It makes her a weirdo who sees perverts everywhere.

It's unpleasant isn't it?

You want to think that having a rich mom who pays all your bills makes you a princess.

You want to believe that a possessive boyfriend is a fun thing.

Alas, reality is different.

Meet Yujin. He's a douche who sleeps with women to get ahead. He knows he's handsome...but deep down he knows he's being toyed with too. He wants to trust someone and have a real relationship, but he thinks he's tainted. Dirty. He gets Sian a job at his restaurant, because he can see her desire to change. He's rude to her. He's lewd to her, but he also helps her grow. Yuri and her mother don't want her to grow. They want her to be a delicate stay-at-home-princess for all eternity. Yujin thinks that's dumb. He says he'll respect her boundaries. He lets her use him as a test subject, and she eventually gets used to men thanks to his help.

How touching.

Anyway Yuri is a man named Yul. He's her ex-boyfriend. The one that locked her in a shed. He's been stalking her, but he knows she hates men. He put on a skirt to sneak into her life.

Yujin catches him, but Yul is also Yuri. Sian's best friend. Yul taunts Yujin, and says Sian will never believe him. "Yuri" says "she" will lie and make Sian hate him, if he doesn't go along with "her" plot. Yujin, at this point, thinks he's in too deep. This is none of his damn business, and someone as nice as Sian would never like him back. "Yuri" has been her best friend for too long.

Sian would never trust him over "Yuri".

He lies to Sian, to break her heart and make her hate men forever. Sian was opening up. She wanted to try going on dates with Yujin, but Yujin says he likes Yuri. He says he wants to sleep with Yuri, because she's sexy. That's all he wants. Sexy girls and meaningless fun. Their therapy game is something he's doing out of pity and boredom.

Sian snaps, and she starts dating Yuri, just so Yujin won't start dating her. It's complicated. Sian wants to give up on men now, and she also doesn't want Yujin to have Yuri.

So she lets the stalker move into her house.

After a month we see all of the problems in their relationship, in detail. Yuri is a clingy, annoying girlfriend that makes unreasonable demands. Yuri makes Sian change her hair. "She" makes Sian dress conservatively. She makes Sian quit her job and stop talking to her friends. They do nothing but sit on the couch and watch tv, because Yuri is too possessive to let Sian live.

The horror begins. Yuri's apartment is stalker central. It's covered in pictures of Sian and him back in high school. He masturbates to recordings of her every night.

Sian, deep down, suspects Yuri.

She's been in denial for a while, and she sees Yul.

He immediately jumps on her. He kisses her and says he is the only one who loves her. Everyone else is trash.

Yujin saves her. Yul pathetically begs her to stay with him, but she leaves with Yujin. She starts living with Yujin too. She realizes that she can be herself with Yujin. He is just a man, not a monster. She doesn't have to follow any crazy rules when she talks to him. She doesn't have to constantly pacify him, because he's a mature adult. He is the life partner she needs.

Yul attacks Yujin, but things fall apart. Yul cuts his wrists in the end, and Sian assumes Yujin is the one injured. That frees her. She hates Yul and she berates him and she screams...and then she sees the blood. There's a pause. She knows what she has to do.

She calls his family. His "yandere" persistence doesn't work. Yul was only able to stalk Sian because his father was sending him money. Yul's family isn't loving, but they come for him. They come to the hospital, and tell him to give up on Sian. Yul isn't sexy. He's a mentally ill, manic depressive man that has turned his father into a paranoid wreck. It's heavily implied that Yul's episodes made his sister's childhood hard too.

When Sian saw his blood everything changed. She slaps Yul, to make him listen to her, and she says she moved on years ago. She realized that none of her memories with him were happy. Their entire relationship was just her babying him. She doesn't want to be a crazy persons crutch. She's more than that. She's wasted enough of her youth on him.

Timeskip.

Yujin and Sian are in love. Sian isn't special, pure or a princess. She hasn't completely cut her mother off, but she's financially independent now. She receives a letter from Yul's sister.

It's a real goodbye. After Sian left he didn't let go for a long time, but eventually he got a job. He realized that he didn't need Sian to live, and he's sorry. He isolated himself through his stalking, and his "Yuri" identity. Time apart from Sian made him realize how miserable he was.

The discussion of mental illness here is quite simply too damn real. Yul is never officially diagnosed with shit. Sian's issues with gender and trauma take many years to heal. Sian's mother will likely never stop hating men. Yul's father will never forgive or trust his son.

Sian is never going to get her childhood back.

Run, if someone tells you they want you to become their special princess.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #Secret Alliance

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chocoenvy · 2 years

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nah cause trying to kill each other the entire night without alerting everyone else, especially the Harbingers............

almost being caught but the Tsaritsa covers for you and they just shrug and assume your one of them. but she only covers you bc you've piqued her interest, and if anyone is going to kill you it's going to be her.

still doesn't stop some nosy nobles from trying to knock you down a peg. it's kinda hard to miss the Tsaritsa, masquerade or not, and it's harder to miss the leech clinging to her arm the entire time.

their trying to get on her 'good' side but you keep bullying them and making the Tsaritsa laugh and it's not fair >:(

meanwhile your having the time of your life thoroughly ruining every stuck up noble that pops into view and getting away with it bc the Tsaritsa thinks it's funny watching them fume and not be able to do a damn thing, bc your obviously in good favor with her..while completely oblivious to the fact you've both tried to kill each other five times during the entire conversation.

but also maybe an agent gets a lil too suspicious so when you slip out to the balcony they take their chance. except the moment they put their hands on you, their tossed clear across the balcony and through the railing.

the Tsaritsa's expression has been mostly subdued the entire time but she looks pissed. like full on snarl with her big ol teef....yknow :)

which. okay like that was hot but did you just kill your own agent.........

meanwhile the Harbingers are just ????????? excuse me

she does not acknowledge it. just drags you back inside and doesn't let you leave her sight for 0.2 seconds. she also doesn't acknowledge that she feels disappointed when you disappear after the masquerade is over.

it'd be a shame if you showed up again afterwards... 👁👁

THIS GOT TOO LONG UM. anyway pretty tall evil women am i right :) - eros

HASHDFLASDFJSADFSADFASF OSAGHASLFJSLCMSALGHALFSDJCSAASDKFJA EROSSSS OH MY GOODFSADFSDF YKNOW WHAT FUCK YOU EAT YOUR TSARITSA FOOD I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT

QUEEN

Tsaritsa x reader

4.5k words

notes: FUCK this got long i really cannot help myself when it comes to the tsaritsa. i twisted the brainrot a lot idk how it happened don't ask

warnings: violence, blood, slight gore, not sagau, reader wants to murder the Tsaritsa and is not ashamed

The mask clung onto your skin, as well as your fake smile. You kept your steps steady and balanced, despite the weight on your thighs and in your shoes.

Tonight was the night the Tsaritsa would die.

You were silent, eerily so in the loud ballroom. The clacking of shoes and cacophony of voices making it impossible to hear the little noise you were making.

You grabbed a stranger's hand, held onto a random drink, twirled around with them for a moment and moved on. You were floating in the ballroom, every step firm and quiet, every breath even and soft.

It was little things, but they made all the difference when you were less than six feet away from her eminence. When even she didn't catch your form approaching. Her back was not exposed the whole night, but in their happy stupor the harbingers had lured her away from her illustrious throne.

You approached her back, your eyes cast aside somewhere else, your head turned to stare at one of the grand decoration. Your shoes - stuffy and filled with emergency explosives - caught onto the train of Her Majesty's dress and you fell right onto her, your glass dropping out of your hands and shattering on the floor.

She, in all her glory, didn't even stumble. Her veil covered her expression but you saw her head turn.

The noise that so effectively covered any noise was gone. The ballroom was deathly quiet.

As soon as your eyes made contact with her veil you started to wail. Tears leaking out of your eyes before anyone could even blink. You bowed lowly, sputtering apologies, and cradling your hand that was now sputtering out blood.

Your shoes slipped on the liquid on the floor pathetically, and you're not sure what possessed the Tsaritsa, but she grabbed you by your upper arms and helped you regain your bearrings.

The glare of the harbingers was so fucking satisfying but you kept up your frightened façade, your body shaking uncontrollably.

Remember why you're here. The memories resurfaced and it wasn't hard to pretend anymore. The tears from those nights resurfaced and you sobbed uncontrollably just like the kid you used to be.

Her hands on you felt dirty, even through her gloves. She didn't remove her hands from you, instead grabbing your injured hand. There wasn't an ounce of care in her touch, even through the gloves you could feel the biting cold of her fingers.

You sniffled as she walked away from you. And then your jaw dropped as looked back at you.

You stumbled to catch up, an embarrasingly pathetic display.

This was not part of any of your plans. You had hundreds, preparing for this day for years and daydreaming about it for even longer.

But in none of them had you ever entertained the thought of the Tsaritsa willingly leading you into a room alone.

None of the harbingers followed, even though they stared at you like the invader you are, they didn't do anything to stop the Tsaritsa.

Not to mention how frankly stupid this was. You knew your helpless display was supposed to have an effect similar to this, but the Tsaritsa isn't stupid. The bounty on her head is more money than anyone could even dream of, and the emotional satisfaction you'd get from her blood all over the ballroom floor was greater than monetary value. It was enough for you to willingly put your head on the line. She was accustomed to assassins and idiots like you, so why was she acting like this?

You bumped into her, a flurry of apologies spilling out of your mouth.

She held her hand up and you shut your mouth. She opened up the door in front of you two and motioned for you to enter.

You sucked in an apprehensive breath, There's no denying the Tsaritsa, and you stepped straight into your doom.

The room was small compared to the ballroom, but the ceiling was tall as well as the doorway to accommodate their queen. You didn't get much time to inspect it as said ruler ordered you to sit on a nearby seat. You did so with no complaints and the Tsaritsa kneeled in front of you. Your jaw dropped, eyes bulging out of your sockets as she grabbed your hand without warning.

It was still bleeding profusely, and with all the adrenaline from being in the Tsaritsa's presence you didn't even notice the glass shards still stuck in your skin.

The Tsaritsa used her teeth - correction: fangs - to tug off her glove. Her hand was large and slender, her nails nearly claws.

Your heart dropped to your stomach, thudding loudly throughout your system. A shiver crawled up your spine at the sight of her fangs, your hand that she was holding onto locked up. You unconsciously attempted to pull away but her grip increased causing a low whine to itch at the back of your throat.

She used her nails to get the glass out, and once she was done she ran her finger over your palm.

You yelped, "Cold!"

You swore you heard the breath of a laugh escape her, but she didn't acknowledge it and you chose not to as well.

Meanwhile the skin on your hand sealed up cleanly, leaving nothing but smeared blood on your palm.

That's when your sensed kicked back into gear. This is chess, and the key to winning was right in front of you.

You leaned down, faking a pained expression, "S-sorry this getup is really stuffy..." She didn't move, her hand remaining on your once injured one until it was fully healed.

When you felt her grip loosen you held on tighter, grabbing her wrist and pulling you towards her.

Your finger tugged on the trigger to activate the explosive but her gloved hand grabbed your arm and nearly tore it clean off.

You brought your leg up to kick her square in the jaw. She dodged with ease, her non-gloved hand grabbed the back of your neck and flung you across the room. Your back slammed against the wall and you let yourself go limp.

Her heels clacked against the floor, like a clock counting the seconds to your last breath. She stopped in front of you, you kept your head tilted forward, allowing a few more tears to fall from your eyes.

She kneeled down and tugged your hair back, forcing your enraged eyes to meet hers.

You plunged your knife into her neck, but she moved a bit out of the way. Still, blood poured out of her neck.

Golden blood.

She grinned her fingers coming up to feel the liquid, smearing it on her hand.

Her fangs flashed, they were deadly sharp.

KILL THE QUEEN!

You charged head first in again, your knife ready to plunge into her neck once more. She hit the floor with a thud, her body lax and not struggling, an almost dreamy smile on her lips, her veil had fallen above her head revealing her eyes...

Your entire body froze. Not in fear nor from the cold, no the adrenaline running through your veins was enough to drive the blade straight through her neck.

So why weren't you?

Your orbs, wide and wild, stared directly into her calm and piercing ones. They were a light blue... sort of. They were more like opal gemstones, reflecting every color in the cold ice that has frozen them over. There were so many colors deep within her orbs, you're sure you could study them for a century and still not have them memorized.

"I haven't seen my own blood in a long time, much less in a golden hue." The Tsaritsa was relaxed, even with the blade right above her throat, her eyes were hypnotizing.

She placed her pointer finger - ungloved - on the tip of the blade and pushed it away.

Your body didn't struggle, but you could feel your face twisting in anger and frustration. She sat up, slowly, leering down at you. She took the veil completely off and set it aside.

"You do know what's happening to you, right?" She grabbed the blade from your hands with no struggle.

You growled, "You..."

She grinned, for someone so expressionless during the party, the way her lips curled made your blood curdle.

She put her clawed pointer finger on your nose, "My eyes hold the power of love, and that is to make whoever looks at them to do whatever I please." Her smile was damning, burning itself into your brain as another reminder of this damn woman, "So, in short, you never stood a chance."

"You fucking-" Your tongue went numb, and if looks could kill you'd be walking away from the palace with enough money to buy another Zapolyarny palace.

"Such awful language, not even going to beg for mercy?" She pouted, but her eyes - despite the complexity - remained perfectly protected behind ice. Nothing slipped past her secure barricades.

You regained feeling in your tongue, "I'd rather die." You spat.

She hummed, "Well, too bad I find that utterly boring. Stand up." She commanded and your body obeyed without another thought. She stood up after you, her looking down at you was a million times worse with her veil off, "You wanted to kill me, I'll give you until the end of the night to succeed."

"Wait- I don't agree to th-!"

"You're in no place to be asking for things." She put her large hand on your head, forcing your head to tilt up to look at her eyes, "If you refuse to kill me all bets are off. I'll give you to my harbingers to handle, and trust me they're not as merciful as me." Her grin was hollow.

You glared, "Fuck you."

"There'll be no room for that out no the dancefloor. Now," She swiped a hand over her wound and all traces of what you'd done were gone. She grabbed your hand, "Let's go."

You didn't have a choice in the matter. The Tsaritsa had fixed herself and you up, and led you back to the ballroom.

The stares you got were invigorating, all pairs of eyes on the imposing aura of the Tsaritsa and then traveling to you. They were confused as to why you were hanging off of her arm.

Honestly you didn't know yourself but you weren't passing up this opportunity to tear apart the Zapolyarny palace from the inside. Not like you could leave but might as well pretend you had some autonomy in this situation.

Though it didn't take long to be thoroughly sick of the night. You were already disoriented from your first assassination attempt, and once the nobles started approaching the Tsaritsa and talking to her you felt your insides turn.

"Your glory precedes you and your wonderful deeds are ones that have been spread throughout the land thanks to my help." They'd say shit like that, and it pissed you off.

At least the Tsaritsa wasn't pretending she wasn't a piece of shit, but these guys were making her seem like a saint. She. Isn't.

"Your eminence, I must commend you on your conquest of the other archons and rebellious individuals in Snezhnaya. Organizations like that will merely tear down all of your hard work."

"Yeah mass genocide is tiring." You said, melting further the Tsaritsa's side so if the noble made a move you could use her as a shield, "Rebellions are so awful too not like that's how Mondstadt liberated themselves from an oppressive ruler. Oh, but it's bad when it happens here."

"You-" Their eyes darted from you to the Tsaritsa back and forth over and over, "You dare sully the Tsaritsa's good name and Snezhnaya? In front of her and in the Zapolyarny palace no less?" He screamed, catching quite a few more eyes.

You suppose this is what going out with a bang meant.

You grinned, "Yes."

"Why you-!" He reached for you, red in the face from rage and the embarrassment.

It wasn't a second later his hand was cut clean off. The Tsaritsa remained mostly motionless, save for the blood on the hand that wasn't occupied with you.

A scream ripped from his throat, and yet the only reaction was one of the harbingers dragging him off.

"What the fuck..." You whispered.

"Are you alright? He didn't touch you right?" There was a mocking lilt in her voice.

You huffed, glaring up at her, "No."

Another attendant had given her cloth she could wash her hand with.

"Good." She pat your head once her hand was clean.

The lingering stench of blood didn't bother you.

Oddly enough there were still nobles willing to approach the Tsaritsa, even with you blabbering away at her side.

You already tried to assassinate her, she could kill you at any time with little more than a "they were annoying" to write off your death. You might as well cause a little ruckus while you were here. This might be your last night.

"Your holiness," An entrepreneur bowed, his expensive outfit making all sorts of noise as he moved, "Thanks to your help of eradicating those annoying vermin, our operations can go smoothly. The production of precious gemstone jewelry is booming, and we don't have to travel all the way to Liyue as much anymore."

It was a way to brag and advertise his business and his supposed "connection" to the Tsaritsa by loudly exclaiming all of this. You could already see the jealous gazes (that had also been fixed on you) sweeping over to this guy.

Your gaze darkened, "Eradicating vermin that were doing more good than you are right now?"

The guy jumped, clearly not expecting you to actually talk.

He glared, "What is that supposed to mean? Surely you're not defending those wastes of spaces?"

"And who are you to decide who's a waste of space or not?" You matched his glare, "If it were up to me everyone in here is stealing precious oxygen, but I'm not pretentious enough to actually think that."

He huffed, glancing up at the Tsaritsa, expecting her to shut your foul mouth. But instead there was an amused smile on her lips.

The man pursed his lips, clearly annoyed but not willing to step on the Tsaritsa's toes, "Then I hope you enjoy it in the Zapolyarny palace, where everyone thinks the same of you."

That's if I survive past tonight. You didn't say it aloud, and the man walked away in a fuss.

"You're quite amusing." The Tsaritsa chuckled, her baritone voice and quite tone making her hard to hear with the bustling crowd and music, "I haven't seen this much action at a party since Tartaglia was first announced a harbinger."

You hummed, not really caring.

The Tsaritsa muttered, "Everyone is expecting you to ask me to dance."

"What!" You exclaimed a bit too loudly, a few eyes flickering over to your masked face before turning away.

Her smile widened, "You've been the only one brave enough to talk so brazenly right in front of me, they're wondering if we're going to dance."

"..." You furrowed your brows, "Are you trying to get me to ask you to dance?"

She grinned, "I don't know, are you going to ask me?"

You glared up at her, and you couldn't see her eyes through her veil. You felt cursed to know what secret was under her veil.

You huffed, standing in front of her. With a damn near wicked grin, you bowed and held your hand out, "Would you like to dance with me?"

You gave her no honorifics, an evil smile, and a knife ready in your sleeve.

She took your hand, despite seeing all the red flags, and walked straight into the fire pit with you.

Although when you're the goddess of ice, you suppose fire can't hurt you much anyways.

The Tsaritsa realized all too quickly that you weren't the best at dancing. She giggled while offering you to step on her shoes.

You declined at first, for your pride... but you quickly realized that constantly tripping was a lot more embarrassing than stepping on her toes.

So, begrudgingly, you did so.

She led the dance gracefully, and everyone made room for the two of you.

It was the perfect crime scene. It'd be beautiful and bloody.

Your hand placed on her waist was perfect, the knife slipped from your sleeve and-

She grabbed your wrist in a death grip, but you didn't let go of the weapon.

She grinned and slid it back into your sleeve with her finger, "You're going to have to try harder than that."

You huffed, her claws had left tiny cuts on your wrist, just barely pouring out a few droplets of blood.

Tripping the Tsaritsa was also a fruitless endeavor. You had tried and only ended up almost falling yourself, though she had framed it as intentional as she had caught you.

You were sweating from all the dancing, as well as the multiple attempts of seeing more of her ichor. To see those eyes with no power behind them.

The Tsaritsa giggled at your face, letting go of your hand to touch your forehead. The flicker of coolness from her glove was a relief, though it wasn't much.

"Should we go to the balcony to cool you down?" She teased, the emotion in her tone made you sneer uncomfortably.

"...sure..." You muttered, keeping your eyes trained suspiciously on her.

She slowed to a stop, "Well you'll have to get off my feet first," She chuckled.

You blinked and stepped off, though she didn't release your hand. Instead she led you to the balcony, her dress billowing behind her elegantly.

You grit your teeth at how pristine she looked. You'd given your whole life away to see her dead, and here you were, right next to her. Both of you still breathing.

The door shut behind the both of you, leaving the two of you completely isolated. The cold air on the balcony was refreshing, less so with the Tsaritsa's large hand holding onto your own but it wasn't like you could just shake her off.

No, you came here to kill the queen. And you'd do it no matter what, even if it ended with you gone too. You'd be at peace.

But there was no peace in the blizzard, and you were a prisoner of the Snezhnayan snow.

The Tsaritsa stood behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you turned to look at her. Before you could crane your neck up to look at her, she placed her bare hand on your forehead.

"You're cooling down."

You shivered, "That's because you're freezing."

She placed her other gloved hand on your neck, there wasn't any murderous intent behind it - more of a warning.

"It doesn't seem the cold bothers you much, if you were willing to come here and try to kill the Tsaritsa herself." Her fingers slightly increased their grip.

Your heart rate spiked uncomfortably, "It was out of necessity."

"It was necessary for you to kill me, hm?" You could hear the smile in her voice.

Your fists clenched. "Yes."

She hummed, amused, "I've heard that many times, sometimes when you're told something over and over again you start to believe it."

"So will you roll over and let me kill you?"

She tilted your head back, grinning down at you. Just barely you could see a twinkle of her eyes, "I'm afraid I'm not there yet. Though if you were to beg me I might think about it."

You paused.

She laughed out loud, genuine and surprised, "You're not actually considering it are you?"

"I did say it was necessary for me to kill you." You shrugged, "Any means necessary. Plus you'd be the only one to see and you'd be dead."

She hummed, "You're determined, I'll give you that. Maybe a bit too much for such a pretty face."

You narrowed your eyes, "Your flattery is meaningless to me."

"I'm aware, but it's not meaningless to me." Her smile softened.

You grimaced, "What is that supposed to mean?"

She moved some hair out of your face. She answered with an enigmatic smile, and leaned into your ear.

"I know why you want me dead," She whispered, you could feel her smile against the shell of your ear.

"You..." Your words fell flat as did all reasoning in your head.

She pulled back, and you could see her beautiful eyes from under her veil.

Anger pooled through your veins, melting your veins frozen over from the cold.

You turned quickly, tugging on whatever you could grab on her and shoving your knife directly in front of you.

There was no strategy, no rhyme or reason. This was the worst plan you had and that was to recklessly stab at her, with tears streaming down your face.

Sadly, she had covered the knife with her hand, but it had still gone through her hand and golden ichor was leaking out the sides.

She grabbed your hair with her unoccupied hand, tugging at it painfully. You didn't let go of the knife until the pain grew too powerful. With both of your hands now free, you grabbed the front of her shirt and tugged her towards you. With that you grabbed her neck and used the vision you had desperately ignored for the first time in years.

She choked, the ice crawling across her body.

The both of you lost your balance, falling onto the floor with the Tsaritsa on top of you.

She held herself up with one hand, the other still had your knife through it.

You reached your foot up and tried to kick her away, but it didn't phase her a bit. You used your hands to punch her and scratch her until there was golden streaks across her shoulders and cryo flecks all across her body, turning her skin black.

Tears were still streaming down your face. She wasn't fighting back. You were hopeless.

You sniffled pathetically, but still gave it your all.

"Using my own element against me? You're quite bold."

"Y-you need to die." You gritted out, "Why don't you get it, why won't you kill me? I want you dead!" You screeched.

There was a smile on her face, almost ethereal. You could see her eyes, you were staring directly at them. They were so pretty. They'd look even prettier without any life in them.

"I hate you," You sneered, "I hate you, I hate you."

She grinned, "Good."

However her grin was wiped right off her face all too soon as you felt a pinch in your neck.

You blacked out before you could see the carnage.

You woke up feeling like you had just slept for a decade. Your entire body felt like it was made of lead and you just wanted to go back to sleep.

Then you felt your bed moving.

You gasped, bolting up. You groaned grabbing your head and a sore spot on your neck where you had probably slept funny.

You heard a groan from below you, you looked down to see the Tsaritsa.

"What the fuck!" You screeched, practically falling off the bed with a bang.

The Tsaritsa leaned over the side of the oversized bed hastily, "Are you okay?"

You sat up, "What happened?" You glared up at the Tsaritsa and she calmed down a bit.

"Good to know you're alright and still glaring." She put her clawed pointer finger in between your eyebrows, "Calm down, you're going to get wrinkles."

"Tell me what happened." You gritted your teeth.

"You tried to kill me multiple times, one of my attendants saw and heard, they darted you. It wasn't lethal but it had you out cold for days." She said. She wasn't wearing her veil so her eyes were on full display. They were wide and guarded, "Needless to say, you won't be seeing him ever again."

"What? Why?" You slowly stood up and the Tsaritsa helped you (while you grimaced).

"They tried to hurt you." She said simply.

You laughed in disbelief, "And I tried to kill you. Their actions were justified."

"Like I said, I know why you want me dead." She ran her fingers through your hair delicately, and you sneered at the touch, "And you're too interesting to be dead. If I had wanted you dead you'd have been gone as soon as I saw you enter the Zapolyarny Palace."

"..." You stared into space silently, until finally a dreaded question crawled its way out of your throat. You attempted to push it down to no avail until finally you were spewing out your thoughts, "Why did I live?"

She was silent for a few moments. She sighed, "Because you were too much like me. I've seen so many hopeless faces, you were hopeless and alone. Everyone you knew was dead, and yet you still didn't run. You wanted to survive. You wanted me dead." She laughed, "That's how you got that vision right there isn't it?" Your eyes snapped over to your vision on the side table, "Your ambition to live another day and to kill me. That thing is the reason you got away, and it's the reason I didn't follow you. Because if I had died in the snow alone all those years ago..." She didn't finish her thought. She grabbed the vision and tossed it over to you.

You caught it and frowned down at it.

"You hate that thing don't you?"

"With all of my being."

She chuckled, "I didn't expect anything else. Well, I'm not the one who decides who gets the vision of cryo. That is all you shall know about that. So you can stop cursing my name and start cursing the cruel hands of Celestia."

"Celestia..." Your eyes drifted over to hers, "You're starting a war with the stars aren't you?"

She snickered, "They're getting what's coming to them. You feel the same way about me as I do with Celestia. Sadly I can't let you kill me until my business with them is finished. Then maybe I'll let you get a few more stabs in."

You snorted, mildly amused, "Thanks I guess. Wait, is this a plot to recruit me to your Fatui organization? Gotta take down Celestia before I can get to you?"

"I mean, I'd quite enjoy your company but I won't force you to join the Fatui." Her hands delicately came up under your chin, "Having you around is enough."

You sneered, "You're a real charmer."

"I like to think I'm efficient, especially as the goddess of 'love'."

You hummed, "It's a deal then. I'll stick around until the fall of Celestia and then I'll be the murderer of the Tsaritsa."

She grinned, fangs poking out of her lips. She leaned in menacingly, "Deal. Just make sure you don't die in the Zapolyarny Palace. You're mine to kill just as I am yours."

"That sounds too romantic." You deadpanned.

She grinned, "Well I am the supposed goddess of love."

#tsaritsa #tsaritsa x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #this isn't sagau idk how to tag #fatui <3 #i literally ignored everything else on tumblr until this was done i hope you're proud of yourself eros/j #this derailed i make no sense but pretty tsaritsa lady and trying to kill her >>>>>>>>>>#reader is a baddie i love them #when they want to kill you>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#when they're okay with you wanting to kill them>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#IM UNHINGED SORRY #enemies to lovers excpept i didnt feel like spending a lot of time on this so it's just enemy and lover HSADFKASJDFCASD

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strawberrymilk-sunshine · 2 years

Text

I just wanted to say goodbye to my friend, and now I'm in a different world!

Yes I isekai-ed the otaku.

Why? Because I thought it'd be funny :)

Warning(s): Idia has a panic attack, invasions of privacy, Idia refers to himself as a "pathetic little meow meow", murder, hiding of a body

Something's wrong. Everything's fine. You're falling. You're standing upright. You feel nauseous. You feel fine. You're everywhere. You're nowhere. It's day. It's night. It's too bright. It's so dark. You're super healthy. You're deathly ill. You're freezing. You're burning. Life is just now beginning. It's the end of the world. You're dead. You're alive.

The universe folds in on itself as you fall home. You're in between worlds, you're in a state of being that should not exist, you're in a contradictory world.

And then, you're home. You're in your bedroom. A place you've longed to return to these past months. As cool as Twisted Wonderland was, and as much as you'll miss the friends you made there, you're happy to be home.

You immediately lay down on your comfortable bed, and-

Wait, is that someone screaming?

As you were ready to finally return to your normal life, someone else fell through your bedroom mirror onto the floor.

...that can't be good.

Idia slowly opens his eyes, realizing someone is calling his name.

"Idia...! Idia, are you ok?"

Maybe when he opens his eyes, he'll be in the world of his favourite anime, or a video game... that would be cool.

He opens his eyes... only to see you, staring him down, looking concerned.

"(Y/...N)...?" He asks. "What... are you doing here...? I thought you were... going back home..."

"Well, I was, but... well... um..." You didn't know how to tell him.

Idia looked around, realizing he wasn't in the mirror chamber.

"(Y/N)... where are we...?" He cautiously asked.

"We're, uh... in my world."

"WHAT."

Idia stood up and turned to the mirror on the wall. He looked different. His hair was still blue, but... it was actual hair, it wasn't made of fire. His lips weren't blue, the dark circles under his eyes looked more like they were caused by sleep deprivation and less like they were something he was born with, his teeth were less sharp...

"M-mirror, take me back to Twisted Wonderland!" Nothing happened. "Dark mirror, take me back to Twisted Wonderland...!" Again, nothing. "Mirror of d-darkness, take me home!" Clearly, nothing was going to happen. "Ok, ok, uh... mirror mirror on the wall, t-take me home or you shall f-fall!"

"Idia, magic doesn't exist in my world!" You told him.

"...oh no." He squeaked.

Idia fell to the ground, head in this hands.

"Hey, calm down! I-I'm sure everything will be fine!" You tried to assure him. "Yeah, we don't have magic, but I'm sure we'll find some way to send you home! Like how we found a way to get me home!"

Idia was playing with his hair out of anxiety. Combing through it with his fingers, pulling it, twirling it... he does this normally, but it's so different now that it's not made of magical fire.

"Idia, are you ok...?"

"No (Y/N)! I-I'm very much not ok! I can't use magic, my body feels different, I just saw the universe I know melt away into this one and fold in on itself, colours I didn't know existed, beings I couldn't possibly begin to comprehend, I think I'm going to vomit, my heart is beating out of my chest, NOT TO MENTION I'M STUCK IN A DIMENSION THAT DOESN'T HAVE MAGIC THEREFORE I CAN'T GO HOME!" Idia was hyperventilating.

"Ok ok, Idia, hey!" You grabbed his shoulders. "You're ok! You're fine! W-why don't you have a quick shower? Maybe that'll help?"

"...yeah... yeah, maybe you're right." Idia said. "Hell, even just standing while the water falls down on me would help, I think..."

You were downstairs, making sure nobody stole any of your stuff in the few months you were gone.

Idia walked down the stairs. He had a towel wrapped around his head. When you noticed him, you smiled and waved.

"It felt nice to... actually shower... without worrying about my hair going out." Idia admitted. "I guess... living in a world without magic for a while won't be... too bad..."

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better."

"You have anime and video games in your world, right?"

"Yeah."

"I should be fine, then." Idia stuck his hands in the pockets of his sweater.

"I have a few consoles, if you wanna play something!" You told him.

"Be prepared to not see me for a few days, I'm gonna play all your games on all your consoles- not only play them, I'm gonna 100% complete them including alternate endings and side quests." Idia smiled.

Days go by. You still have no idea how to get Idia back home. The best thing you can do is hope that Crowley and such are trying to find some way to bring Idia back.

"Before I was transported to your world, I was trying to apply for a job... and it's probably safe to say I didn't get the job." You said, laying your head on the table and stirring your tea.

"Yeah, rough." Idia said. "Uh, well... if you wanna keep trying to find a job, I could... I could... t-take care of the house... while you're gone."

"Wow, really? Thanks so much, Idia!" You got up from your seat and hugged Idia. You never noticed how much his hair helped you figure out what he was feeling until now.

"Uh y-yeah, no p-p-problem (Y/N)...!!"

Idia just found a way to stay home all day, put in minimal effort, and live in your house without paying rent or feeling guilty about not paying rent. Score for him!

Idia basically just had to work as a maid for you until he finds a way back home. Epic. It's easy mode, a beginner quest! He can do that no problem!

He even found a few quest rewards. A few snacks, some photos of you, some more... private photos of you, and... your journal.

You wrote about how you wanted your life to be different, how you wanted somebody, anybody to be there for you... aw, how sad!

...Idia thought about things. Is his life really all that better in Twisted Wonderland...?

"Maybe... I don't have to go home."

You noticed Idia acting much more... I don't know, loving? It felt strange, you're not used to him acting like this, it just didn't feel right.

He eventually revealed a secret to you. Apparently, his friends back at NRC (what little friends he did have) had found a way back for him, but he declined to go back. He chose to stay in your world.

"N-no, Idia, you should've gone back home! What if you can't ever go back home now? What if that was your only opportunity?" You asked.

"That's fine! I'd be completely fine with that!" Idia excitedly told you. "M-my life isn't really all that better in my world, you know? And I have that stupid flaming hair and I can't smile without looking like a freak, when I'm here, I'm... n-normal! And, you love and appreciate me... and I-I read in your journal that you wanted a partner, right? That's me! I can love you! And I can be the perfect househusband! I can be your pathetic little meow meow, you know?"

"Idia, why did you read my journal...?" You asked. "And I wrote that months ago! I'm dating someone!"

"Well duh, of course I know that, (Y/N)! You're dating me!"

"No, Idia. I'm dating someone who lives in my world." You sternly explained. "You and I are just friends, nothing more, understand?"

You stormed up to your room, and locked the door behind you. You want Idia gone. If he's read your journal, who knows what other things he's done?

As you layed in bed, you saw your bedroom mirror begin to ever so feintly glow. You walked over to it, and heard a voice from the other side.

"Brother, are you there?"

"Ortho, is that you?" You asked, recognizing the voice to be Idia's younger brother.

"Ah, (Y/N), hello! Is Idia there?"

"No, not right now..."

"How unfortunate. I'm here with Headmage Dire Crowley, as well as Lilia Vanrouge and Azul Ashengrotto. The three of them are using all their magic in an attempt to stabalize the mirror... unfortunately, however, all we can do at the current time is communicate. We cannot fully connect a portal between your world and Twisted Wonderland yet. But we'll have a way tomorrow night! We're going to bring more of the Night Raven College students with us to the mirror chamber, including Malleus Draconia, to hopefully create a strong enough magic connection to your world to bring big brother back home. Could you pass that message onto Idia?"

"You mean Idia will be able to go home tomorrow night...?" You asked.

"That's correct, (Y/N)."

"That's amazing! I'll be sure to tell him!" You exclaimed.

"Thank you very much, (Y/N)! Oh dear, I need to go, our connection is growing more unstable by the minute. Goodbye, (Y/N)!"

Tomorrow night, you won't have to deal with Idia anymore.

You had to stay late at your job tonight, but that's fine.

You opened the door to your house, and...

You were met with the undeniable, putrid, stinging smell of blood and bleach.

"Oh, (Y/N), you're home!" Idia happily said, revealing himself. His hair was tied up so as to be less in the way, and he was wearing an apron and rubber gloves- both of which were stained with blood. "I'm just cleaning up now, don't worry! Sorry about the bleach smell, the blood wasn't getting out without it!"

"What... what the fuck did you do, Idia?!" You asked, diisgusted.

"Well, I got rid of the only thing preventing our relationship!" Idia said, a smile on his face. "That silly little partner you had!"

You grabbed Idia in a kind of hug, your arms wrapped tightly around his chest, and you dragged him to your room, making sure to limit his movement as much as you could.

"Huh...? What are you doing, (Y/N)-?"

Your bedroom mirror began to glow once more, much stronger than last time.

A small robotic hand reached through the mirror, showing you that this was for sure happening.

Without so much as a 'goodbye', you pushed Idia into the mirror, and watched him disappear. And the moment the mirror stopped glowing, you grabbed one of your books, and threw it against the mirror as hard as you could, causing it to shatter. The shards flew across your small bedroom.

You had a deep sigh of relief, knowing he can never return to your world.

...

Your partner is dead.

Your living room and kitchen are covered in blood.

There are shards of glass all over your room.

Your partner is probably buried somewhere in the backyard.

Since Idia doesn't exist in this world anymore, you'll surely be blamed for the death of your partner.

...what are you supposed to do now...?

#idia shroud #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst #yandere #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #yandere idia shroud #yandere idia x reader #yandere idia shroud x reader #yandere idia

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psycho-king · 9 months

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Howard... I hate you so much for leaving me here, sometimes I hope you die. I'm sorry. I feel awful admitting that, but it's the truth. I was curious about other men. I'm sure you don't want to hear about a stranger satisfying your wife, and I swear it was only once. It was a mistake. It wasn't him that I wanted. I know that now. And I wish things could just go back to the way they were before, but I don't see how they could, not after the things I've done. Honestly, there was a time I was flattered to have someone as handsome as you pine over me. You're such a good person. I made sure to always be mindful with your heart. I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot, the way it just twists and turns at your insides. I know that aching so well. I feel it whenever I see others whose lives come easy because the truth is, I'm not really a good person. All my life, I've wanted off this farm and you were my ticket out. So... I made sure to never let you see who I really was. It worked like a charm. Then when you finally brought me to your home to meet your family, it was just as I hoped. A life straight out of the pictures. And you didn't want it. You just wanted to stay here on our farm, and that made me so angry. How could you? I'm certain you knew I hated it, you must've. How could you be so selfish and cruel after all I've done to make you happy? I was even pregnant with your baby. I never wanted to be a mother. I loathed the feeling of it growing inside me. It felt like sickness. Pulling and sucking on me like some needy animal in a barn. How could I be responsible for another life? Life terrifies me. It's harsh, and bleak, and draining. I was so relieved when it died. It was one less weight keeping me trapped here, but then the war came and you left me, too. Why did you leave me, Howard? I hate feeling like this. So pathetic. Do people like you ever feel this way? I figure you don't. You seem so perfect all the time. Lord must've been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why. What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please, just tell me so maybe I can get better. I don't want to end up like Mama. I want to be dancing up on the screen like the pretty gals in the pictures. I want what they have so badly, to be perfect, to be loved from as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and the fear washes over me, 'cause what if this is it? What if this is right where I belong? I'm a failure. I'm not pretty or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what Mama said I was, weak. I don't know why. What did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you finally come home, you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is. I know what I've done, the bad things, terrible, awful, murderous things. I regret them now, but I liked how they felt. I wish I didn't, but I did. At first, it was only animals smaller than myself. It felt good. Killing's easier than you think, till recently with Mama and the boy from the picture house. They were different. They were more meaningful. I hurt them so they too might know what it feels like to suffer, but poor Daddy didn't deserve that. I wish I hadn't done what I did. Mama meant well. She had a hard life. She only wanted a home to feel safe in. I thought I hated her, but I just want to feel safe, too. Lord... I made such a mess of things. I don't know how much more I can take. I need to clean this up. I need to make things right before you see me again. Maybe if I can turn this farm into a home for us like you wanted, things will finally be different. I can forgive. I can be who you want me to be if you'll just stay with me. Would you do that, please? I can't be all by myself anymore. It's too hard. We can love each other. I'll do that for you if you really meant all that "till death do us part." It'd be enough, just you and me here. All I really want is to be loved.

#pearl #pearl 2022 #pearl a24 #pearl monologue #bpd #mia goth #sadness #quotes #films #cinema

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fanofspooky · 10 months

Text

365 horror movies day 302:

PEARL

“Oh, Howard. I realize how this all must sound. Honestly, there was a time I was flattered to have someone as handsome as you pine over me. You're such a good person, I know that. I made sure to always be mindful with your heart. I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot the way it just twists and turns at your insides. I know that aching so well. I feel it.. whenever I see others whose lives come easy because.. the truth is I'm not really a good person. I was pregnant with your baby. I never wanted to be a mother. I loathed the feeling of it growing inside me. Felt that sickness. Pulling, sucking on me like some needy animal in a barn. How could I be responsible for another life? Life terrifies me. It's harsh, and bleak, and draining. I was so relieved when it died. It was one less weight keeping me here but then the war came and you left me too. Why did you leave me, Howard? I hate feeling like this. It's so pathetic. Do people like you ever feel this way? Figure you don't... you seem so perfect all the time. Lord must have been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why. What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please just tell me so I can get better. I don't wanna end up like Mama I wanna be dancing up on the screen like the pretty girls in the pictures. I want what they have so badly... to be perfect... to be loved by as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and a fear washes over me 'cause what if this is it? What if this is right where I belong? I'm a failure. I'm not pretty, or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what Mama said I was: weak. But I don't know why. What did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you finally come home you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is. I know what I've done. Bad things. Terrible, awful, murderous things. I regret them now, but I liked how they felt. I wish I didn't, but I did. At first, it was only animals smaller than myself. Nothing with feelings, nothing that could hurt me back. Felt good. Killing's easier than you'd think. 'Til recently; with Mama and the boy from the picture house - they were different. They were more meaningful. I hurt them so they too might know what it feels like to suffer, but poor Daddy didn't deserve that. I wish I hadn't done what I did. Mama meant well. She had a hard life. She only wanted a home to feel safe in, I can see that. I thought I hated her, but I just wanted to feel safe too. My Lord. I made such a mess of things. I don't know how much more I can take. I need to clean this up. All of it. I need to make things right before you see me again. Maybe if I could turn this farm into a home just like you wanted, things will finally be different. I can forgive. I can be who you want me to be. If you'll just stay with me. Would you do that, please? I can't be all by myself anymore. It's too hard.”

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carpathianspaceprincess · 1 year

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Wintering (The Irish Poem) - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel reads a favourite poem of yours, and reflects on the subject's similarities to you.

Rating: E. minors dni.

Pairing: Joel Miller x SeasonalDepression!Reader (F)

Tags: Irish coded reader. a little bit of Gaeilge. One Shot. Happy Ending(™). FLUFF. Sickening fluff. Soft!Joel. Established relationship/situationship. No smut in this but could be in the future.(❀❛ ֊ ❛„). Book a dentist appointment my friends, you will probably have cavities after reading this.

CW: brief mention of suicide and overdose attempt, mentions of seasonal depression/mental illness symptoms, mention of SSRIs.

WC: 2.4k

A/N: Happy late St. Patrick’s Day! This work was inspired by an Irish poem called ��Geimhriú” by Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh. The translation came from this post, and I only have a little Irish but it seems right. The Irish language is beautiful and I love it dearly, so I wanted my first posted work to celebrate it (i'm terrified of sharing this btw lol). I wrote this bc culture and language is nearly always left behind and forgotten in survivalist worlds like TLOU, and it’s rarely a theme in fics, but is an essential part of survival, especially for Irish communities. I may potentially expand this work to a series to explore more aspects of Irish culture as part of the story if it's well-received and I feel like it. btw this is not beta-read and idk how to format anything - this is genuinely my first time posting so there are likely mistakes! please comment if you find one, or have constructive criticisms, and of course like/reshare and interact if you had a good time reading this, it would mean the world to this little Irish gal.

(♡ ὅ ◡ ὅ )ʃ♡ enjoy!

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊.

Even at the end of the world, in the fucking apocalypse, in this shitty, godforsaken place, you were still somehow suffering from a seasonal affliction.

Depression, that is.

Joel saw it immediately, the way you took a little longer to answer the door when he came for you in the mornings, the bags under your eyes just a little more pronounced as the days in your district grew less colourful and the dry leaves wilted to the sodden earth. He also saw how you tried to hide it and for a while, tried to respect your clear denial of something being very, very wrong.

To your credit, you did what you could; soldiered on. Ate and slept more than usual, like a bear. Before the outbreak, you’d been on Zoloft, then Wellbutrin, but the chances of any SSRI medication still existing were so slim you knew you didn’t need to bother checking.

Even so, it frustrated you every morning, the fact that you weren’t like Joel. That you couldn’t just get up and get on with your day, that you needed some stupid chemical to make your brain work just because the weather was cold and the sky was churning furiously, gnashing it's teeth on nothing but grey, day-in and day-out.

You couldn’t make sense of it. You were living in near constant poverty, under a dystopian military dictatorship and in the middle of a civil war every god-damned fucking day whether the sun was shining or not, so why did the fields being barren and slick with sleet make you viscerally despise life so much more than seeing them full of fresh flowers and humming with bees? You’d still be hungry at the end of the day. Exhausted. What should the seasons matter to you now? There was no difference. No future. Not then.

You had hoped that maybe eventually, living in constant survival mode might, y’know, actually make your brain want to survive. But it didn’t. You hated it. But what you hated about yourself most of all was the fact that you desperately needed help. It was pathetic. Weak.

Joel didn't see it that way. Well, he didn't now.

At the start he thought it hadn't been too serious. Maybe you were 'just tired'.

But then winter had nearly taken you from him that year. The sudden and shocking bone-chill of Boston post-October had him practically dragging you out of your own bed every morning for the “supply run” he had taken to bringing you along on; silently begging you to get up and keep going for his sake if not your own. Telling you if a man from Texas could survive it, you’d better get your sorry ass up and do the same.

He’d found you then, in late December, the dead of night, throwing up and barely breathing. You’d collected enough opioids to kill a horse and tried to take your own life. You’d been lucky to see the next sunrise, and that was the last time he’d allowed you to sleep on your own. And the first time he’d heard of “Seasonal Depressive Disorder”, or whatever it was.

You’d explained that before all this, you’d had medications that would have stopped this issue for you; so Joel, having then appointed your fragile well-being as his responsibility, had looked for some. But of course there was nothing. So much to everyone else's delight, he spent the winter just like you; because like two really fucked-up peas in a pod, if you were in a foul mood, Joel’s was never far behind. With the QZ being overcrowded, freezing, and insistent on working you both to the bone, you were always in a foul mood.

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

So now he can admit to himself that he likes this; likes seeing the glow of your rosy, apple cheeks in the tangerine afternoon rays of a tired day. The way the sunlight dapples the colour of your hair; the lazy smile that breaks across your gentle mouth as the cool breeze caresses you both. This wheat field is completely abandoned, high bland stalks swaying quietly. The rush of the little river nearby. A perfect place to take you; you who were beaming so joyfully, could’ve replaced the goddamn sun itself as far as it concerned him.

He feels the embroidered spine of your book in his hand, holding it away from your reach. The one you always had open on the same page, the one he caught you reading when you were supposed to have your hands on your rifle and your sharp eyes looking for guards and raiders.

“Let me read it.” he grins without realizing it, stretching a little further away as your fingers grab for purchase, pointlessly. You're too short to even touch the cover as he leans over you. “No!” You reiterate, and he frowns, a finger coming to his lips to remind you of your surroundings. Still careful. “Why not, huh? Can't be that bad if y'like it so much.”

A slow blush stains you as you huff, dropping your arms to your sides. Like a petulant child. Admitting defeat.

“Fine, but it’s not even in English.”

He quirks an eyebrow at that, and keeps your gaze as he flips the faded, worn pages open to find the one he’s looking for. “You won’t understand it.” You whisper. But he doesn’t need to understand it, he just wants to see. It makes perfect sense to him that you're bilingual, he doesn't know a lot about you, but he knows you're smart, and sharp as a tack...as long as something interests you.

The paper of this page in particular is dog-eared to the point of severe damage, and marked to all hell, but it isn’t dusty at all. Whatever this is, he sees that it’s well-loved by you. Well-read. His curiosity gets the better of him as you make one last reach for the precious item and he, with ease and very quiet glee, denies you.

He doesn’t try to read it aloud though, the words roll around on his tongue unfamiliar, tangled up in the calculator of his brain that is so used to the anglo-saxon american structure of speech. But he scans it quietly all the same, to your surprise.

Ná labhair focal,

ná féach im threo,

tá duifean ar mo chroí

nách n-ardófar.

Géillim don ngeimhriú

Ní aithneofar mé

go péacadh na mbachlóg.

Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh.

He clears his throat, and runs a finger along the last line of text; “This the author?”

You peer over, nodding. He hums in acknowledgement, filing the information away for later. Then he graciously hands the book back to you, brushing your fingers with his, and you snatch it away; folding it closed against your lap. A low gust of wind makes the hair that frames the sides of your face dance delicately. You lean back on your arms then, to appear relaxed. Trying not to think of the delicious electricity sparkling under your smooth skin at his touch. Failing. You're hot, now. The humidity doing nothing to cool off the desire pooling in your belly as you look up at him through thick lashes. He's chewing a thought in his mouth, you can see it.

“Gaelic?”

You are actually taken aback, but smile and shake your head good-naturedly at the attempt. “Gaeilge.”

A look of confusion crosses his brow and a laugh, golden and sugary, pours from your chest. It squeezes him with violent affection for you. “Gaelic is Scottish. This is Irish. Gaeilge.” You repeat, cocking your head. “They’re different.”

He nods slowly. He wants to ask you how you came to speak it, and is that why you have a lilt in your accent? did you come from there? From Ireland? And how did you manage to keep speaking it after the outbreak?

But, he thinks those questions can wait til later. You'll tell him your story on your own terms when you're ready, and he respects that. What he does know is that this must be important to you somehow, and he's happy to focus on that for now.

“You gonna tell me what it’s about?”

“I could...but those are meant to be read and understood in the spirit of the language they’re in. They’re not meant to be in English.” You season the last word with some disdain, teasing.

He gives you a dry look and you laugh again. Rolling his eyes and pretending to fall over, he pops back up and props his dozy head with his elbow against the coffee-brown and burgundy leaves that have scattered and broken on the ground beneath gale-swept branches. Then he waits.

You take him in in all his intensity, the way his curls ruffle against his hand. The sleeves of his shirt pushed to his elbows, muscles and tendons flexing and taut, brown in the sun and from working outdoors.

You guess you do owe him one. Reaching your free hand towards him, he turns his face into your gentle touch on his jaw, and you just about explode. How could you deny him anything when he looks like this?

“Alright,” You give in, and it feels like the easiest thing in the world.

The book opens once more, and his pretty eyes follow your slender finger against the printed words with his gaze; you feel observed; shy. And you begin, your voice unsure of itself. But his hand on your thigh is cosy, encouraging.

“Don’t say a word,

Don’t look in my direction,

There’s something on my heart

That can’t be lifted.

I give in to wintering

You won’t see me

Til the buds begin to blossom”.

“Til the buds begin to blossom.” He repeats slowly, intentionally.

“You a man of literature now, Miller?”

He exhales sharply. “Not at all, ma’am. Just a curious one.”

The corner of your lips tugs upwards at this easier side of him - and you hum as you close the book and set it down with care, next to you. You each settle against the other comfortably then, taking in the sights and scents around you. A tranquility has made home inside your bones, with the feeling of his warm front against your back and you raise your face to the rays of sun; still beaming onto you from the early evening sky. Your whole body rests now, soothed by his presence.

Comfortable silence blankets over you both, for a few minutes.

“So, d’ya like the view?” He asks all of a sudden, kicking his feet back and stretching against the massive tree he’s got you both behind - completely hidden from the view of the gate patrol. He’s been scoping this place out for weeks, he knows it’s safe.

You feel his shirt ride up against your back and it ignites something that quickly dwarfs anything mellow or peaceful inside you.

“Do I like it, Joel Miller?” You repeat incredulously, turning around and crawling onto his lap; with only a little grace. His rough, calloused hands instinctively come up to your hips, and the denim of your worn jeans suddenly feels far too tight and restrictive for the kinds of lovely, fuzzy messages your body is giving to you. You straighten up, leaning in to breathe; a faint hint of whiskey, lot of smoke. Lot of man. Yours. Your man.

Before you can unleash the teasing reply you had tucked away for him, an unwelcome thought sobers you. He notices the shadow cross your pretty face, the terrible memory flickering away in the back of your mind. Calling back to your thoughts before, you realise very abruptly that you do owe him one. In fact, you owe him your life for this very afternoon. The seeping heat on your skin and the pastel wildflowers. The gorgeous vermillion colour of the sky. The rush of contentment in your heart.

“I never would have even seen this sunset if it wasn’t for you.” You murmur, lowly enough that he has to strain to hear it. A grumble rumbles in his chest but he says nothing in reply, so you stay quiet, and take his larger hands into yours. Trying to convey how grateful you are with your touch. Hoping it'll osmosis or something. Knowing you can never repay him for his selflessness, his friendship, his sacrifices.

He clears his throat then, to get your attention, and you lock eyes with him; searching and deep. Knowing.

“You know I love it.” you whisper, appreciating the deep brown irises framed by spectacular eyelashes. The eyes you’d know absolutely anywhere. “I love it more than anything.”

You’re not talking about the view anymore.

He knows it, too; lines softening at the complete adoration on your face, the vulnerability; the way you’re giving it all to him. And he wants it even though he really shouldn’t. He wants you exactly like this for the rest of your lives. Warm and happy, tucked up next to him in some butt-fuck middle of nowhere place in the sun, tending to your garden and reading your books and your poems, unbothered by the harsh realities of the world revolving around you. Away and safe from the sickness and cruelty of the cities.

He watches carefully the radiant glow that’s touching your expression, and he can’t help but understand then, why you like that poem.

It’s you.

In moments like these, when you’re pressed up against him and smelling so sweet he feels heady and drunk, it’s much harder to shove away those very domesticated thoughts he’s been having; of you and the kind of things he wants to give you. The kind of life he wants you to have, together. Although he couldn’t tell you out loud, not yet anyway. He’s working on it.

You wonder what he's thinking about, leaning to press a soft kiss to his chin to bring him back to earth- closing your eyes at rough stubble brushing against your cheek. You feel an earth-shattering smile and wish you could see, but it’s gone by the time you raise your head again.

What you do see is a tanned arm reaching behind you to pluck something from the soft earth.

It’s a sunflower. Bright and plush and golden.

Like you, he thinks.

Firm fingers gently and deftly push your strands aside, carefully slipping the green stalk of it right behind your left ear.

Leaning back to peer at you and admire his handiwork, he tucks his hands behind his head.

He compares what’s in front of him now to his memories of last month; your face tear-tracked and pale in his bed, telling him you didn’t want to live. Him never knowing how to help you, spending those bleak evenings with fear poisoning his every thought, constantly worrying he would come back home to you cold and still. Wrapping himself tight around you in his bed late at night in the hopes he could somehow just piece it all back together by holding you. The memories the experience brought up for him; the ones fuelling his terror of failing you, like he failed her.

And now you here, surrounded by spring buds blossoming in the sweet change of the season. Wildflowers, peonies, just like you, so easily pleased by the sun and the green of the forest and the view from the top of your apartment building once the snow had begun to melt. Softened by just a little bit of warmth and a lot of love. A lot of care. He's proud of you and how hard you've worked to drag yourself out of the place you were in.

He’s suddenly finding it difficult to control the way he wants to cry with relief.

You don’t know any of this, of course. But the way he observes you so deliberately sends little shivers down your spine, despite the humidity and haze. You do feel kind of silly sitting like this though, so you reach up to pull the flower from your hair, but his fingers grip your wrist hard and fast before you can get to it and they tell you otherwise, pressing indents into your skin that you'll remember later tonight.

“Don’t.” He says softly. “I like it.”

You try to stop the grin from breaking out but fail miserably, and he's dazzled by it. One smile, and he’s completely and overwhelmingly filled with love for you.

Yes, he thinks; even at the end of the world, even in this shitty fucking place, this apocalyptic nightmare, you still somehow manage to blossom in the sun.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #tlou #the last of us #tlou fic #joel miller #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal universe #happy st paddys day #lmao #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #x reader #pedrostories #pedrohub #irish in my fics? you fucking bet

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bored-frog · 6 months

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Born and Raised

When I blew up at you, I was unable to properly express myself and how I felt, I let my anger take over, causing another drift between us because I can not be mature and maintain all the feelings coursing through me, ready to leap out of the prison that is my skin.

You don't know how guilty I feel for yelling, for arguing with you over something like this, a topic so delicate and important, I deeply apologize.

I am emotionally stubborn, everything I feel is felt strongly, nothing is half-assed inside my heart, which is why I'm so upset.

I understand that we walk in different shoes through life, you didn't ask for your pair and I didn't ask for mine, you don't know the pebbles and splinters tightly strapped beneath the material of mine, I don't know the full extent of what goes on beneath the surface of your socks and laces, but sometimes I feel that you judge me, that you compare yours to mine and get hostile with me because I must be walking on a fucking cloud; Appearances deceive.

When the world is throwing shit, you don't have to throw it at me too, I am not your enemy, I do not view you as less than, so why does it feel like you look down in disgust at me for the things I have no control over?

I feel positively shitty, I must be the dirtiest asshole bundled up in name brand toilet paper, right?

"You don't understand, but you can empathize."

"You'll never fucking understand, but I'm sure you can imagine the dirty caked up shit path I'm forced to walk through, while you glide through in a carriage you don't even have to work harder than everyone else to earn, don't insult me and say you do, how the fuck could you possibly get it?"

I hate it when you do that, when you say that, I am not riding on some high and mighty horse, my situation is just different, it's so god damn infuriatingly-annoyingly-frustratingly unfair when you do that, when you compare the two, it's as if I'm getting the biggest scowl from you every single time you bring it up; A "snobby brat" whining about her basket of lemons to an "untouchable."

I get nasty, snippy, and rude because of this sneering chokehold in the air between us when talks of the future is brought up, I dread the conversation every time, I don't want to discuss any of it, about me and "oh the places I can go," I try to give you hope and you roll your eyes at me, scoffing.

I'm a pretentious dick wasting the privilege I walk around with, this prized gift, this golden ticket that I want nothing more than to toss out because it feels awful to have; A worthless piece of shit wins the lottery but spends her life watching TV, a fucking insult.

I don't like the way you mentally side eye me, as the clock of aging ticks, you get more and more passively bitter with me, I uncomfortably twiddle my thumbs, wanting nothing more than to deal you a new hand of cards, for Life is a terrible dealer.

I understand and empathize that the fissured road you walk on isn't easy, nothing about the journey is brisk and fun, that it feels so demeaning, and that you have put in all your efforts alone as ungrateful assholes with birth rights and money drive around and honk at you, that they view you as this dirty dog beneath them, but don't look over and assume that mine must be a fucking breeze.

My cracked piece of opaque rubble carries it's own challenges, ones that I do not share, I sweat and moan in silence on this bumpy ass path, I trip and stumble, mentally scuffed and bruised as I force myself to keep going further down, I want to just stop dead in this traffic, shriveling up into a pathetic ball of tears, because I too am dealing with my own shit and it's not fucking easy, but you make me feel like it's nothing, that I couldn't possibly have problems.

I know you don't believe it, but I fully believe things are going to work out for you, right now it just feels like some asshole has set your lawn of potential on fire, I promise you it will get better, you are strong and beautiful, I know it feels like the world is against you, that no one is on your team, I am there, I'm the weirdo cheering and rooting for you from across the street, who will help you put out the fire.

With mastering the toughest task of patience, I assure you things are going to work out, that you are cable of so much more than what people assume based off of looks because they are jackasses living in the past, so please, have faith, don't lose hope in your future, and I beg of thee, stop telling me I don't understand, because I do, because I understand you.

- Autumn(Me)

#poetry #poemsbyme #original poem #poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #creative writing

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heathneycanon · 1 year

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td new cast ranking (spoilers)

hiii if you know me at all you know i loveeeee ranking things and i already made a tierlist but i'd love to give my detailed thoughts on the new cast. maybe to get them out of my system maybe to have more thoughts to develop later?? who knows. i've also already shifted around rankings so they're different from my tierlist bc as i wrote this my opinions changed and developed SDJFKD. but anyway. new cast ranking with explanations under the cut!!

16. Chase - I mean. It's Chase. His relationship with Emma is... not good! He is kind of the worst! However this does make him the tiniest bit funny . He's extremely pathetic and a misogynist and a bad boyfriend however. The undeniable fail energy is amusing. When he isn't winning. Like this man is at his best when he is absolutely failing, so Emma needs to break up with him. For her own sake, obviously, but also for Chase's failure energy to remain strong. He cannot get what he wants he needs to remain failing!!!

15. Caleb - There's nothing wrong with Caleb. Unfortunately there is also just. Nothing with Caleb, period. I'm fully expecting this to be rectified next season, but for now like... this man is not even a character. Nowhere else to rank him but here. Although this does go to show how much I like the cast LMAO because everyone above him is someone I have mostly positive feelings towards.

14. Nichelle - She was sooo funny I love how everyone (including the cast!) thought she was gonna be so good but then she turned out to be a girlfailure. We need more girlfailures in Total Drama and this season delivered!! We didn't see too much of her (and honestly?? She didn't stand out too much to me until her girlfailure tendencies were revealed which was right near the end lmao) but I fully believe she's gonna be GREAT next season. Especially with my suspicions that next season is going to be sort of similar to TDA, with fewer generally physical/Survivor-inspired challenges, and more entertainment industry related challenges. Idk she didn't give us very much but I do have hopes for her next season. Also her elimination was sooo Jerry's fault. I wonder if my season 2 predictions are right if Jerry might show up? I hope so. Get your revenge Nichelle!!

13. Emma - EMMA GET UP!!!!! Chase is not the love of your life he is not even the love of your week!!! Once again though, the loser tendencies are soooo strong in Emma. Idk I liked the haterism it was good. We need more of that and less of her and Chase. Break up with him!! She and Bowie were a fun duo while they lasted, I honestly love the way their designs really complimented each other? Probably my favorite version of Emma was during the pole challenge, like. Yessss get angry that was so fun. She did get back with Chase at the end of that but. Let's ignore all that. Idk she's just silly!! I think I'm getting repetitive at this point but I do want to leave this with the final thought that, once more, she NEEDS to break up with Chase. For his fail energies to remain intact, for her dignity and standards, and for me as the audience... leave that boy!! Kiss Nichelle or Julia instead I'm fully convinced Emma does not know girls are even an option and once she does it is OVER for Chase.

12. MK - I was expecting MK to be one of my favorites preseason and while she was not, I still liked her. I hope her parting words were foreshadowing and next season she makes a friend, because (as I've seen other people mention), she kind of... needs to have some sort of connections to be an interesting character? And the fact that she seems opposed to that makes any potential friendships next season even more interesting. I also love how she just has no respect for the intended rules of the game and Chris just... lets her do her thing. It is so funny. Like yesss hang out and control the shields. Watch all the confessionals with the phone you shouldn't have and also upload a video of Julia bullying a dinosaur. Honestly the lack of care Chris had surrounding phones in general this season (especially considering his initial show of confiscating what turned out to be like. A fraction of Julia's phones) was so funny. Sam and Dakota were watching from their couch fuming I just know it. Or maybe they were happy for the new generation. Who knows.

11. Zee - He's just fun! Like... chill guy. Was definitely high the whole season. I do maybe think he could've benefited from being around an episode or two less? Like he was good, but it wasn't like he was exactly getting any development or anything? He was kind of static character, which is fine, and he was a likable one for sure! But if he'd gone home two episodes sooner we wouldn't have had that . Nose scene. Which kinda makes me gag every time I think about it. Genuinely I don't think Total Drama has ever grossed me out more. Which is a feat. I need more of him and Ripper next season the whole bird scene with them was hilarious. Honestly, his dynamic with Chase was pretty funny too? Idk. Just a good dude! I also thought his different stories about losing his leg were great.

10. Millie - She wasn't really doing anything for me until the very end? I thought the concept of her character was kind of creative but I found her like... initial sort of... self-important deal kind of obnoxious? Her friendship with Priya was sweet but again, for the first half of it I found it kind of one-sided (on Priya's end) and so I wasn't loving her. Of course, at the end she became invested in the friendship, had her previous sort of... bad friend behavior revealed, and then was like... surprisingly vulnerable for Total Drama standards? Not unheard of, but not like... what I expected. And reconciled with Priya with everything out in the open. And that completely changed my feelings on the character (which had already been sort of slowly shifting). Overall, I still feel like she's one of my least favorites on the cast, but I still like her, and honestly, if I were to rewatch, she might be ranked higher. The fact that she admitted that she was only writing about everyone like that because it was easier to judge them than try to fit in was really good and rewatching those earlier scenes with that in mind might make me more sympathetic to her then? I do also really like a friendship between two people who haven't had friends before. So. Honestly I'm liking her more as I'm writing this. I really hope they do something good with this friendship next season. Also okay this is so funny when I wrote all this out she was number 14 and I keep moving her up one rank at a time. She's climbing.

9. Priya - PRIYA my friend Priya. Girls when they are normal and regular and have no problems whatsoever. You cannot expect me to be normal about someone who has grown up friendless making their first friend and immediately getting very attached. I absolutely loved her defending Millie in front of Chase that was when I knew I was gonna get attached to her character. Like... come on. I mentioned this in the Millie ranking but I kind of love how their friendship played out? Like in the moment as I was watching I wasn't sure I was loving it but after the fact? Yeah it's good. I like the way there was some tension but they actually communicated and resolved things. And of course there is Priya's whole Deal like. There is so much to unpack there. She has been training for Total Drama for her whole life for her parents and now she's done it!!! I hope season two sees her resolve to put her foot down and go to med school because like. I need her to have her happy ending.

8. Ripper - As I said in another post Ripper has unfortunately grown on me. Like mold. When they're not using him for grossout humor, Ripper is actually like... hilarious? The humor this season was honestly surprisingly good (again, barring the grossout jokes) and Ripper was like. Delivering. He is so pathetic and we all know I find that a wonderful trait for a character to have. Like... "So you're not gonna see me cry! I'll wait until I get home." like that is so 😭😭 honestly it's the delivery half the time. As the season went on I liked him more and honestly I liked how he tried to help Millie win back Priya? Idk. I was annoyed with his team for booting people I liked more instead of him like. Three times. But I like him now. He's just a silly loser guy. He's also bi but I'm not sure he knows it yet.

7. Bowie - GUYS. I was never in the camp that thought Fresh was gonna write the gay characters abysmally, I had a little bit of faith, but they really exceeded my expectations. Bowie was SO fun. The perfect reality TV villain honestly- having fun with it! His alliance with Emma was good, but IMO the highlights were obviously the Julia rivalry/fake alliance (rivalliance??) and RAJBOW. I wish we got to see more of Bowie and Julia because that dynamic was amazing, and I hope they continue to interact next season, and then of course his relationship with Raj was just. Really good. If Emchase was the price we had to pay to get Rajbow... then it was worth it. Like they were so good?? Raj's little crush?? The mouth guard??? The poem????? I do think it's a little unfortunate that they had their first kiss in a pool of tapioca pudding but this is Total Drama we're talking about. And they didn't seem to mind. Very excited to see what they do with their relationship next season. Back to Bowie on his own, I was talking about how funny Ripper was at times and Bowie was also one of the absolute funniest characters this season. As I've mentioned before I love haterism and Bowie has it in the most fun ways possible. Sometimes he would say exactly what I was thinking as I watched a scene. Top tier Total Drama confessionalist. The majority of the best confessionals this season had to have come from him. I love his scheming I love his humor I love his strategy and I love his relationships like... that is a good TD character right there!

6. Damien - I feel like he's gonna win next season. I'm not sure whether that's a genuine prediction, or whether I'm simply manifesting, but... come on! He was just fun! He wasn't a standout at first, but pretty quickly he became one of my favorites (and was promptly voted off </3) like. First of all. He was the first one to call Scary Girl Scary Girl so I have him to thank for that amazing name. Second of all, he's just... sweet! I loved the little hints of Damien/Priya we got this season, I'm definitely here for that relationship if they choose to make it canon in the next season. The Damien and Scary Girl dynamic was also absolute gold like yesss chase him around on a jackhammer. Anyway now he's actually gonna try to play the game, and I'd love to see him do well! He's got like... such a fun energy and enthusiasm. He's truly got "just some guy" energy which is wonderful. We need more "just some guy"s. I just think he's neat!

5. Raj - Top 5 time lets go... technically he is tied with the next entry (do not separate) but I didn't want to mess up the format so. Raj! I've talked about Rajbow already but let me reiterate: Rajbow good. Raj's crush was so sweet and I really enjoyed watching those two get together! But talking about something I haven't talked about yet... Raj and Wayne! Their friendship was SO good my god... I loved their incomprehensible (to me) hockey talk. I loved the genuine love and support between the two. I LOVED the joint medevac like SDJFL it would be wrong to send one home without the other... I hope if they're eliminated next season they go out in a double elimination or something... Idk both of their energy this season was just fun!

4. Wayne - Once again, tied with Raj, and I said most of what I wanted to say about Wayne already? But I do think the excitement he had surrounding Raj coming out to him was so good. You may think you're Rajbow's biggest fan, but nobody is a bigger fan of Rajbow than Wayne.

3. Julia - She just. She just got better and better as the season went on. She was already kind of funny with her influencer speak but when she got hashtag cancelled for BULLYING A DINOSAUR she became so much better. I've already mentioned how much I love her rivalry with Bowie so I won't talk about that too much. I will say I loved that one moment when they both fully judged Emma and Chase's relationship as well as their joint confessional like the rivalry was good but I need these two actually aligning even more. I also think she and Emma should kiss or something. I hope she sticks around for a while next season even though she went pretty far this season like... I need her to make the merge at least. LOVED her challenge beast tendencies, winning all those clutch immunities... What a character. Top tier TD antagonist, or at least close to it.

2. Axel - Yes I got attached to the second boot. What can I say she's coming to win next season trust! Idk you cannot show me a zombie apocalypse prepper character (who is clearly gay) and not expect her to be my favorite. Loved when she pushed Ripper off the boat. Love when she bit Ripper's hand. Love when she killed a bunch of squirrels and cooked them for her team like that's a team player right there!! Not to peddle the ScaryAxel agenda toooo hard but. I need to see them align next season like girl who is really into horror and girl who is really into survival/zombie apocalypse stuff? And they both bit Ripper and will eat cooked squirrel together? Ummmm that's couple goals. Honestly I want to see more of the Axel and Ripper rivalry too. Honestly just wanna see more Axel she rocks

1. Scary Girl - Surprising nobody. I know she's like... kind of a gimmick character which I've historically not totally loved but... she's so good. The voice acting (as others have mentioned) does a LOT for her like props to the VA, she really makes the character. The animation in general this season was a major improvement but it definitely helps Scary Girl as a character too. She had a great dynamic with Damien for what little time she was there, I've mentioned the potential of ScaryAxel already, and. Tell me you don't see how Scary Ripper could be one of thee funniest dynamics ever. The dynamic is called Scary Ripper and one of their key interactions was her trying to bite him. Do not get me started on Scary Axe Ripper like the name itself is just too much fun and BOTH of them have tried to bite him (one succeeded). She got voted out because she wanted to make sure the skull she needed to bring to Chris looked presentable and she just. Did the skull's hair and makeup to match hers. And then kept the skull when she was voted out and brought it with her to the finale. I hope the skull is also in season two. Scary Girl is the Total Drama character of all time.

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