#ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence.

[britneyshakespeare]

i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

#tales from diana #it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him #in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends #bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him #and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT #(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have) #but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her #nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful #he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE #in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking #ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence. #and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections #and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish #we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent #you know. we try and communicate effectively #even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol. #we're adults who respect each other it's almost like! #but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially #he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them #and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her #she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness #and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me #altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me #he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks #literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy #the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out #of course. #i wouldnt care if he died

[topazy]

The Fierce And Broken

2.04

Masterlist

“You found me then.”

Murphy nodded and sunk down to the ground next to you. It had seemed like a good idea to hide out in the library, it was closed off and you assumed nobody would look for you there. But you had forgotten that nobody knew you the way John Murphy does.

Murphy frowned seeing you so upset. “What’s going on Alba? You have been acting strange for weeks.”

You shook your head and wiped away fallen tears as he contained to stare. You took a couple deep breaths before finally being able to speak, “it’s nothing...I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid Al, and thats the problem.” Murphy put his arm around your shoulder, “who’s ass do I need to kick for this?”

His comment made you chuckle, “no one.” You wiped away more tears before smiling into his hug. “I just feel so tired always pretending, you know? And I don’t know how to make it right. I just feel broken.”

Murphy brushed a strand of hair out of your face, you could see the look of concern on his face. “What do you mean by broken?”

“I just-” You struggled to find the words to express how you were feeling. “I look at girls John.”

“So?” He scoffed, obviously not understanding what you were getting at.

“No I mean I look at girls. I look at them the same way I should look at boys...” Pausing you thought about your next choice of words, “I like girls.”

Murphy placed a soft kiss to your cheek he had been stroking a moment previously. “Yeah girls are pretty hot.”

You smiled into his embrace. John was the only person you had worried about treating you differently when you realised that you had started to get crushed on girls, but the truth was he didn’t care. And you’d never been so grateful he was your friend.

You woke to the sounds of a woman yelling, “I need a saline and a pressure dressing. I’m going to need to check her hip bones in a moment.”

“I’m on it.”

You blinked as your eyes adjusted to the harsh light of the room. Doctor Griffin was leaning over you, she smiled when she noticed you waking up. “You gave us quite a scare, I’m glad to see you awake Y/N.”

“Where am I?” You asked groggily.

“Camp Jaha,” another voice said.

Facing the doorway you could see Octavia smiling as walked towards you, with her arms stretching out. She pulled you into a tight hug. “You had me so worried Al! I thought you had died.”

You held onto her tightly, “me? I thought the blast from the rocket had got you.” Pulling back from the hug you whined at the sharp pain in your arm. “Oh Jesus, I did forget about the pain.”

“Careful, you’ll end up pulling your IV out.” Jackson said, before explaining he needed to dress a deeper cut on your back. You nodded for him to start and don’t your best not to cry as the feeling of nippiness started to spread across your bare skin.

Octavia squeezed your hand. “Clarke told us what happened. The mountain men...how they are taking bone marrow and blood from us and grounders, from you.”

“Some of our people are still in there.” You paused for a moment to try and think about what else happened, “Anya is dead. She was going to set up a meeting with us and her commander, but she’s gone.”

Octavia kneeled down to your level. “Hey, we still have a chance.” She squeezed your hands again, “you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to come in and see you. I know Murphy will be thrilled when he knows you are awake.”

“Murphy?” You asked confused, after hanging Bellamy and shooting Raven you thought he would have been banished again. God, Raven. “Murphy is still in camp? And Raven’s alive?”

“He sure is, and Raven is alive and waiting to see you.” Once Jackson was finished Octavia leaned in closer to you, “I’m glad I caught you before I left.”

“Where are you going?”

Octavia watched to make sure nobody else was paying attention to your conversation. “Raven is turning the electric fence off so me Bellamy, and Clarke can leave-” she stopped talking when Abby walked back into the room. “Murphy and Finn are actually out looking for our people now.”

You played along so Abby wouldn’t grow suspicious. Octavia shared a knowing look with you, the thought of her going out into the wild scared but you knew Bellamy would keep her safe. You mouthed ‘be careful’ before she left.

“So,” Abby said, stepping in front of you with a smile. “We are going to look at your hip once Jackson is back, I’ll need to check for any signs of infection. I’m honestly surprised you managed to walk that far considering what was done to you.”

“Clarke helped,” you shrugged. A look of pride spread across the older woman's face. Clarke wasn’t your favourite person but she did save you from drowning, “Anya also helped. She saved me and Clarke a couple of times...what they are doing to the grounders is worse than what’s happening to us, to me. It’s barbaric.”

Abby gave you a sympathetic smile as Jackson entered the room. You dropped the subject and leaned back into the table.

—

Groaning you sat up, your original plan was to go look for your friends but between the pain and sleep deprivation you had nodded off. Sighing you looked around the room for your clothes but couldn’t see them. The gown you were wearing wasn’t exactly practical.

Opening the door to the hallway you looked around for anybody that could help but it was empty. Hearing footsteps you decided to walk in that direction when you heard Abby’s voice.

“Did you know about this?”

“No.”

You recognised the other voice instantly and smiled. It was Raven.

“Tell me where they went and you won't be in trouble.” The aggression in Abby's voice surprised you, she had always been so nice when you had previously met her.

“Abby, I...”

“Someone let them through the fence. Someone gave them guns.”

Oh shit. It’s finally clicked, Abby knows Raven helped her daughter and the others escape. You walked as fast your body allowed you to before finding the door to the room they were in. You caught your breath before opening the door.

“I don’t know what you’re talk-”

You let out a gasp as you opened the door and saw Abby slapping Raven across the face. What the fuck. Abby stepped back from the brunette, “She thinks that because of what she's been through she's changed, but she's still just a kid.”

“You’re wrong, Abby. She stopped being a kid the day you sent her down here to die.”

Abby finally noticed you standing at the doorway and cleared her throat before giving you a fake smile, she obviously didn’t think you had seen. “Y/N, how are you holding up?”

As she spoke Raven turned around to face you, and you could see the red mark on her cheek. It took everything inside you not to curse the doctor out for hurting Raven. “Uh,” you knew from the look your friend was giving you she didn’t want you to say anything. “I don’t know where my clothes are.”

“Oh of course,” Abby clasped her hands together. “Octavia took them earlier and I’m afraid she didn’t tell me where they were placed, and she’s busy at the moment. I can-”

“I have spare clothes Alba can wear until we find hers,” Raven said quietly.

Abby nodded and exited the room, once you were alone you pulled Raven into a hug. You were afraid to say anything knowing that your voice would break. You were concentrating so hard on not crying that you didn’t notice the leg brace Raven had on until you stepped back.

Raven gave you a soft smile before, “I thought you were goner Al.”

“Likewise,” you moved to get a better look at her cheek. “I can’t believe she hit you.”

“It’s fine Alba, I don’t care about it. What I care about is your back.”

For the first time since being taken by the mountain men you didn’t feel that everything was doomed, knowing that two of your friends were safe was enough to bring a little bit of light back into the darkness.

“Come on, let’s get you out of that horrendous gown.”

—

“I can’t believe you are staying in a tent, they should have found you a room inside. If not because of your leg then at least because of all the work you do for them.”

Raven laughed at the comment as she handed you clothes. You ripped the gown off and happily threw it to the ground and shimmed into a pair of dark jeans and pulled on a clean top. Opening your mouth to thank Raven again you noticed the way she was staring down at her leg. You sat down on the bed next to her, “Reyes?”

You could see her lip trembling as she glanced up, “I have nerve damage from the gunshot.”

“I’m so sorry Raven, I swear I’m going to kill Murphy when I get my hands on him.” It still didn’t feel real to me that Murphy was capable of hurting someone that much. “Whatever you need I’ll be at your beck and call.”

“Careful you might regret saying that one day,” she chuckled. Raven’s smile faded when she focused at your waist, the brunette placed her hand by your bruised hip. You hadn’t noticed the top was ruffled up at one side, her fingers lightly rubbed against the top of your bruise. “What happened Al?”

You shrugged, “It’s a little fuzzy. The last thing I remember is injecting you with coagulant, Anya tried to kill us, then we blasted off.”

“Then the mountain men came.”

“Yeah they came and took most of us. I’m glad I got out but I still feel guilty for not trying to convince others to leave with us.”

Raven gave you a sympathetic smile. “Don’t do that Al, don’t punish yourself for the pain somebody else has caused.”

You were lost for words, Raven made basic sentences sound so poetic.

“What-what did they do to you in Mount weather?”

“I remember a horrible drilling noise, then waking up to a man called Dante Wallace leaning over me. He told me some bullshit then I escaped with Clarke shortly after.”

Raven looked unimpressed, “that’s it? I want to know everything that happened.”

Nodding you began explaining the full story of how you escaped, you tried your best not to laugh as Raven’s facial expressions that kept changing. She seemed particularly interested in how you got every deep cut and bruise. “I hope Clarke manages to convince the commander to agree to a truce.”

“I hope so.” You shuffled further back onto the bed so you could lie down. Raven gave you an amused look as you made yourself more comfortable, then It dawned on you that this wasn’t your tent. “Fancy having a roommate Reyes? At least until I get my own tent.”

She grinned before laying down next to you on the small bed, “I think that could work.”

There were still so many things you wanted to discuss with Raven but it wasn’t the right time. It was still daylight outside but you were both exhausted. You couldn’t stop yawning, and could tell how strained your friend was. Raven had heavy bags underneath her eyes most likely caused by stress of her leg injury. You wished more than anything you could take that pain away from her. Her ‘get on with it’ attitude amazed you considering the situation she was in.

Even if it was impossible for you to physically take her pain away, you could always try and distract her. “Reyes?”

“Hmm?”

“What's it like to spacewalk?”

#the 100 #Raven Reyes #raven reyes/you #the 100 fandom #the 100 fanfiction #raven reyes x oc #raven reyes/reader #raven reyes x you #raven reyes imagine #raven the 100 #the 100 imagine #the 100 x reader #abby griffin #octavia blake #slow romance #slow burn #John Murphy #murphy the 100 #flashbacks

[motorcitizens]

ive never seen anywhere to watch motorcity with subs? so i went looking and found transcripts of most of the early mc episodes (available in a reply so tumblr doesnt kill the post) but theyre missing a few towards the end. i decided on my fourth rewatch that id transcribe episode 9! whether youre a hard of hearing fan or just want the reference, here you go! let me know if the initials are annoying, ill edit them out.

-I got you with the slash!

-Nuh-uh!

-You first.

-Why me?

-Cuz you're dead anyway.

-There's nothing down here!

-Philip? S- stop fooling around, man. I- I can hear you down there.

-Aah!

[theme]

-The last time I bought anything from you, it took me a week to fumigate the kitchen!

-Okay, the reshcaps were a mistake, you're right about that. But today, I have something extra special...

D- ...then she says, 'that's why I can't eat the sandwich!'

[all laugh]

C- Wait, wait, I got one. Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank! Eh? Get it? Come on, it's funny!

Th- We're searching for the Vanquisher, king of the realm?

T- Oh. I think they're talking about me.

M- Yeah, I have no idea who you're-

Th- There he is!

Burners- Chuck?!

T- [laughter]

R- Hey! You dare insult Lord Vanquisher? I should take your tongue and feed it to the birds.

T- Uh, you can't do that. I need my tongue.

C- Release him, Darkslayer.

R- ... Fortune smiles upon you today.

M- So, Chuck, you wanna introduce us to your... friends?

C- Guys, allow me to present: Thurman the Magnificent, and Ruby the Darkslayer!

Th: We are knights of the kingdom of Raymanthia.

C- It's called LARPing! [...] Live action role-playing? [...] Okay, I have a life outside of the Burners, you know!

D- Sure doesn't look like it.

T- Oh! I get it! Ahahaha!

Th- My Lord, a situation has arisen. The oracle awaits.

O- As you requested, Sam and Phillip were dispatched on a scouting mission early this morning. But we have not heard from them for many hours.

M- What do you mean you haven't heard from them?

O- I fear, Lord Vanquisher, they have gotten lost on the outskirts of the realm.

T- Texas is confused. Okay, now is this part of your little game or is this real?

D- We're standing behind some dude's van who calls himself the oracle. What do you think?

O- I demand silence!

J- I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm with Texas on this one.

O- Chuck! Make em stop.

C- Wait. Is this part of the game?

Th- No. Sam and Philip are really missing.

M- So, this is for real?

O- We need your help.

C- I vow to find our wayward kinsmen.

C- Guys, this is LARPing!

T- Woah. That's it?

C- Each weekend, teams battle for control of the realm. The rules are simple: First, once you step onto the field of battle, you must remain in character. Second, if you must be vanquished: do so with honor. It's neat, ain't it?!

J- The game's already started?

R- If by 'game' you mean a ferocious battle to the death for the crown of Raymanthia, then yes.

O- But we can't win unless we find our friends.

[at the same time]

C- I say we split up.

M- Let's split up.

M- No disrespect! Chuck- uh, I mean, Lord Chuck. What do you think we should do?

C- Ahem! If we split up, we'll cover more ground!

O/Th/R- As you say, Lord Vanquisher.

C- Okay guys. We'll check the warehouse near the old Renaissance center, you guys check the battlefield.

Th- I dunno where that is. Can somebody else drive?

M- So, King Chuck. How'd you win your crown?

O- It happened many weekends ago... Chuck stood as freedom's last hope against Mad Dog the Conqueror. If he were to fall, darkness would reign for yet another long weekend. Mad Dog summoned his dragon to finish off the Vanquisher once and for all, but fate had different plans. It was totally awesome!

C- Naw, it wasn't... that awesome.

D- Little dudes!

J- Sam! Phillip?

D- Where are you?

Guy- Huzzah!

R- Leave this to me!

Guy- The bards shall sing of this day... the day the Darkslayer fell!

R- Someone shall fall on this day... but it shall not be me.

[fighting noises]

Guy- Aha! Tsk, tsk. You've lost your sword!

T- hyah!

R- What are you doing! I had him right where I wanted him!

Guy- You're not playing by the rules.

T- These are Texas rules! [karate noises] Now. We need you to answer some questions.

D- We're looking for two missing kids, Sam and Phillip. Have you seen them?

Guy- I'd rather die a thousand deaths than help the likes of you.

J- Ahem! Forgive us, my liege, but we are but humble squires in search of our kinsmen. Can you help us?

Guy- I've never been one to refuse a lady, certainly not one as ravishing as you. Saw your kinsmen five hours ago, approaching the Dungeon of Anguish.

D- Neat trick.

Th- We're never gonna find them in time. Then the stupid Bardonians are gonna win, think they're all cool with their fancy mustaches.

C- Hey. Buck up there, camper! People said we'd never win the Battle Royale last Fall, but we did. Our friends are out there, and we'll find em! We just gotta keep-

M- Uh, sorry. Dutch just called. Your friends were seen someplace called the Dungeon Anguish?

Th- It's actually the Dungeon of Anguish.

C- It's, uh. Well, it's actually just in the basement right here.

C- Wah, ah! Get it off me, get it off me!

Th- This isn't part of the game!

M- Yeah, well, neither is this!

R- That was. Incredible!

D- What were those things?

M- Don't know. But I'm betting they have something to do with our missing friends. We have to move. [LARPers kneel] Uh, come on. Get up, guys, we don't have time for this.

O- From this day forth, you shall be known as "Mike, the Smiling Dragon."

Th- You just got a great name. Jealous!

C- For saving my life on the field of battle, I owe you a debt of life.

M- That's... really not necessary.

O- Actually, it's totally necessary. The king of the realm cannot rule while carrying a debt of life.

C- As such, I give the crown to the Smiling Dragon!

M- No. No, Please, look, I can't, I just- I was-

C- Mikey, you gotta!

J- Hey guys, check this out! I've never seen that symbol before.

D- That's really old.

M- Way before my time. Maybe Jacob can help.

Th- What if those... things have Sam and Phillip?

R- Never fear. We have the Smiling Dragon. As long as he's our king, we can't lose. Did you see his moves? They were just so- so-!

M- You okay, buddy? Look, if it's about what happened back there, I'm sorry man. I was just trying to help.

C- It's not that. It's just-

M- Just what?

C- Look, I tripped, okay?

M- Um... If that's some kind of LARPer slang, I have no idea what it means.

C- The story you heard. About how I earned my crown? That's not how it really... went down. It was my first real battle. I'd never held a real lance before. I was still getting my balance when Lord Mad Dog summoned his dragon... I ran forward but... I tripped. The lance fell and hit him by accident! I won my crown with a lie. Hey... it's better that you're king now. I was never fit for the post. I've been king for 48 consecutive weekends, and-

M- 48? Woah, you do play this game a lot.

C- Yeah, but... it took less than an hour of LARPing with you for the others to see me for what I truly am... a follower.

M- Hey, a follower couldn't have led his team to 48 consecutive victories. You can't fake that!

C- Mikey... Look, I appreciate your support but we both know I'm no leader. Not when I'm a Burner and not even when I'm here, playing make believe.

M- Here. Take the pin back.

C- You can't just give it to me! The only way I can get it back is to earn it by saving your life. And let's be honest. That ain't gonna happen.

Th- Never seen that tunnel before. You aren't planning on taking us down there, are you?

R- Well I'm going in!

Th- Do you know how much trouble I'll get in if my mom finds out I went down some crazy dark tunnel looking for killer robots?!

O- He's not joking. His mom is terrifying.

M- They're right. This isn't a game anymore. Texas will stay up here and keep you safe while we go get your friends.

T- What! Wait, why me?

M- Because you're the bravest warrior we've got.

T- Yeah, that's true, but come on! Don't leave me with the nerds!

D- What is this place?

O- Booyah! Mutant wolverine. I win!

Th- I could show you how to use that.

T- Save it. Not interested.

O- Why not? You're really good.

T- You really think so?

Th- Here, watch.

T- Hyah! Huh?

T- Mike, Julie! Incoming! We got trouble!

Th- Come on, I just got this!

O- Your mom is gonna be so mad.

J- This isn't working!

M- I'm open to suggestions!

R- A wizard!

Ja- Applesauce!

J- Jacob?

R- Aww!

Bot- The creator has returned!

M- Uh, Jacob? Care to fill us in?

Ja- It started back when Kane and I were partners- before there even was a Deluxe! I was designing our first ever Utility Bot. Its purpose was to make life in Detroit easier and safer. I equipped it with a new AI that would allow the bot to anticipate human commands, but I was the only one the bot seemed to listen to. But if it were ever to escape the lab, there's no telling the danger it could pose. I begged Kane to shut the program down! I always thought he did.

Bot: It began soon after you left us. Kane retrained us! We were instructed to capture enemies of the public and bring them back to Kane's new creation, an Interrogator. But the humans could not control it. Kane sealed the lab. Our new master told us every human was out to destroy us. As such, every human became our enemy. Disloyalty was severely punished. So we waited, until this door finally opened.

M- Our friends went missing this morning. Have you seen them?

Bot- Of course. We took them per our master's instructions.

J- We need to get them back!

[roar]

Bot- Our master has awoken. If he discovers you here with us, he will destroy us.

M- Get the LARPers out of here!

C- I'm not leaving you guys!

R- Our place is here, with our King!

M- This isn't a game! Get your friends to safety.

C- Let's move!

D- Come on!

J- Look out!

[rubble collapses the door]

T- Mike!

D- Julie!

Both- Jacob!

D- We'll never move this stuff by ourselves!

T- Says who?

Th- What do we do?

C- I know a way to get through there! But I will require your van.

Ja- There used to be another exit!

J- Hey, look at this!

M- The kids have to be in one of those rooms. If we can find a way past that thing we can rescue them and get the heck out of here! Think you can buy us some time?

J- Do you even have to ask? Hey, ugly! Over here!

M- Sam! Phillip! Climb up here!

S- You're the new king of the realm?

M- You bet your butt I am. Lord Smiling Dragon, at your service. Now get up that rope, squire!

T- Okay, I admit. It's pretty cool.

C- But is it possible?

D- Sure. But there's no way the three of us can build it fast enough.

C- What if they helped?

D- I know you don't mean the little lunatics that just tried to kill us!

Bot- We cannot get involved. If our master were to find out-

C- He's not your master! You are in Raymanthia. And in Raymanthia, every man- or... freaky little Utiliton- is free! Free to stand up for yourselves. Free to fight back! And free to live! Our friends are down there, and I swear to you on the steel of my blade that even if I have to slay the beast itself, we! will! bring them back!

[utilitons cheering]

T- hwah! Nah, see, this ain't nerdy. This is a level 25 battle ax, okay? Twenty five. Think about it.

Ja- Maybe there wasn't another exit?

M- Stay here!

M- Way to go, Chuck!

S&P- The Vanquisher!

T- Make way for Texas!

C- The beast is absorbing the blasts!

[mike gets got]

C- Mike!

C- Drive! and when I say stop, stop fast! ...STOP!

M- Ha, oh yeah!

M- For saving my life on the field of battle, I owe you my life. My steel is yours to command, since a king cannot carry... I forget how the rest of it goes, here! All hail King Chuck, the Vanquisher!

R- This was the coolest game ever!

M- ... the game. Your win streak. You guys have to go defend your crown!

Th- We'll never be able to muster an attack in time.

T- What if we help.

M- We're yours to command, Lord Vanquisher.

C- For the glory of the realm!

[all yell]

#motorcity #i meant to just. have this but i figured i might as well post it #chuck (motorcity) #mike chilton #julie kane #dutch gordy #texas (motorcity) #mne

[jeannereames]

A lot of people on here joke about Alexander being “crazy” or “insane”, and I know some people hold the belief that he was an insane monster (I even saw an article titled “Alexander the Monster” which basically made Alexander out to be worse than the devil lol). I was just wondering what you think regarding Alexander’s mentality/sanity and why do you think some people believe that he was this crazy psychopath. Btw, I just finished reading Becoming and I loved it!!!!

First, thank you! I’m glad you liked the novel! Now, on to the question…

When people talk about “crazy” Alexander, it usually falls into two different categories. One subset is that Alexander went crazy with grief after Hephaistion died; I’ve argued against this elsewhere, so won’t again here in any detail.

Another subset claims he became megalomaniacal, pointing for proof to his “Persianizing,” including an attempt to introduce proskynesis (the bow before the Persian Great King that Greeks viewed as due only to gods), his desire to be deified, and a penchant for dressing up as various gods (Dionysos, Herakles, and even Artemis).

That tendency isn’t just on Tumblr; similar accusations are made in academia under the maxim that, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” (Lord Baron Acton)

Yet that’s the cynical take. I think how one views the world (and human nature) has something to do with how one interprets Alexander’s behavior. We must recall that Alexander lived in a society where kingship was seen as divinely bestowed, and carried with it certain religious obligations with regard to one’s subjects.

Remember, not just anybody could be king of Macedon; one had to be an ARGEAD: e.g., from a specific family (gens). They were descendants of Herakles, and so of divine descent. This is different from the Successors who followed. Alexander was raised as a prince; Ptolemy, Antigonos, or Seleukos were not. The importance of these heroic ties can be found in the stories that popped up later, making Ptolemy a bastard of Philip (and thus an Argead), or the later Seleucid claim of descent from Apollo. And we know the Molossian royal house claimed descent from Achilles.

Again, not just anybody can be a king. One has to be special by ancestry.

Being born to the purple doesn’t necessarily make one any less of a dick. We’ve plenty of evidence to the contrary. (Demetrios Poliorketes? Pyrrhos? Antigonos IV Epiphanes?) But it does instill a different awareness of one’s place in the world.

Modern cynicism forgets just how seriously ancient people took religion. On his deathbed, among the last actions Alexander forced himself to perform until he literally couldn’t get up, were morning sacrifices to the ancestors and gods, on behalf of the Macedonian people. I think that says a lot not only about his own religiosity, but his sense of himself as a conduit between his people and the gods. The proper performance of religious rites were central, not just to his success, but to the survival of Macedonia. In our modern world, it can be hard to connect to this somewhat archaic notion.

In addition, the stories of him visiting hospital tents after battle, personally writing letters to his officers, talking and joking with his soldiers, marching with them, eating what they ate, and dressing as they dressed, all point to somebody who understands the principles of leadership, as opposed to just bossing people around. Some have argued that he lost that as time went on, but he was still out marching with them in Gedrosia (despite a collapsed or partially collapsed lung), so I’d argue he did not. The helmet incident (where he poured out precious water brought to him, because the rest of his men didn’t have any) is an exemplar of his continued understanding of what solidarity meant. It may have been as calculated as hell, but that’s not the act of a madman or megalomaniac. Also, just because it was calculated doesn’t mean it wasn’t genuinely meant. He was trying to keep his men alive, not let them give up.

Did Alexander, over time, turn into an arrogant little shit? Almost certainly, given his mind-boggling achievements, and the fact the Greeks never touted humility as a virtue. But I don’t believe he was a narcissist or had taken leave of reality. Such characterizations are simplistic, played for pop approval and laughs, or because it’s too much effort to look under the surface.

I do think he was struggling desperately to figure out how to govern such a vast, international empire, and not in some Tarn-esque “Brotherhood of Mankind” way. He never (personally) lost a battle, but uniting Eastern and Western ways of rule was a puzzle he never solved. THAT was his great failure. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “Show me a hero and I’ll write you a tragedy.” And that’s where Dancing with the Lion will eventually head. Alexander’s story is, ultimately, not a triumph, but not because he was crazy or a Macedonian Hitler.

I’d also point out that people who oversimplify Alexander as either a demon or demented, are buying, hook, line and sinker, the moral narratives of the ancient authors, especially of Plutarch, Curtius, and Justin, but also Arrian and Diodoros. These are not neutral accounts. We must be careful of their biases.

All that said, I don’t want to excuse Alexander’s war crimes (and I don’t know what else you’d call some of what he did). But even those were not the actions of a “crazy” man. They were brutal, but considered (which may be worse).

Razing Thebes sent a message of what happens when a city foreswears an alliance multiple times. Rounding up and killing Greek mercenaries after Granikos sent a message to others serving under Darius (an attempt to peel off some of Darius’s more dangerous support troops). Razing Tyre (and Gaza) sent a message about what happens when resistance defies certain “rules of war” (Tyre’s treatment of the heralds). The burning of Persepolis was not a drunken frat party gone wrong; it was a political statement. Note ALL moveable wealth was gone and it happened just before they left, plus it destroyed the place where Persian kings were crowned, preventing one from emerging in Alexander’s wake. (Not that Bessus cared, nor Spitamenes after him). Philotas fell victim to a real conspiracy (even if he wasn’t part of it), not a CIA file (contra Badian), and the Proskynesis Affair was an attempt to regularize court procedure not institute worship of Alexander. The murder of Kleitos was, indeed, a drunken brawl, with no good excuse, but was followed by (I think) genuine remorse, even if he accepted the forgiveness of the troops because he needed to.

Even the choice to enter Gedrosia wasn’t the decision of a madman, but of one whose logistics were legendary for working…except when they didn’t, because of an uprising and monsoon behind them that was unplanned for. It was a FUBAH, not a foolish choice. He was looking for a trade route linking India and Mesopotamia. Notions that he just wanted to one-up Cyrus and Semiramis misses the point.

The so-called request to the Greek states for deification is problematic as to just what he asked, versus what was later said (remember, we’re hearing about it from Athenian demagogues who hated him). The claim to be the son of a god was not megalomania or a shot at divinity, but an affirmation of hero status; being the son of a god didn’t necessarily mean one was immortal one’s self. As for precedent, his own father had put a statue of himself alongside the 12 in his final parade, plus there’s a heroōn (hero shrine) built above Royal Tomb I at Vergina. That’s either Philip buried there (my own personal opinion), or his father Amyntas III. The Spartan general, Brasidas, received hero cult from Amphipolis after his death, but Lysander accepted it from the Samians will still alive.

Alexander outstripped every one of these by no small measure, and seen in context, his claim to be a son of Zeus-Ammon is not some bizarre, out-of-left-field assertion. If Lysander was a hero, and his father Philip, then what did that make Alexander? And the inflated “Final Plans” were about 50% invented by Perdikkas to get the army to vote them down.

Alexander did terrible things and we need to let those terrible things stand—call them out and recognize them. Yet when I look at his behavior, even in his latter years, I just don’t see the horrific corruption of, say, the Trump administration, or of Vladimir Putin’s Russia, or Xi’s China. At some level, I think Alexander still saw himself, and struggled to be, a “Philosopher King.” He just didn’t know what that meant anymore.

I think, by the end, he was lost. Macedonian kings were expected to win wars and provide loot. Alexander did that to a degree no Macedonian monarch had ever before achieved. He was the Energizer Bunny of Macedonian kings. His own men (and culture) had created a monster. No wonder he felt betrayed by their “indiscipline” on the banks of the Hyphasis. “But I gave you even more than you ever dreamed of!”

Indeed, he did. That was the problem. They made him turn around. When his army “defeated” him, he wasn’t sure who he was any more, or what he was doing. I see a lot of his career after as a scramble to re-define himself. He’d conquered all this territory at a relatively young age. Now what was he supposed to do with it?  Ruling is a lot less glamorous than conquering.

He’s perhaps the greatest military mind who’s ever lived (tied with Subutai, Genghis Khan’s general). He was also an exceptionally inspirational leader. But that “ruling schtick”? It got in the way. Appointing Hephaistion chiliarch was among his smarter decisions, even if Hephaistion died on him too soon. It was tacit recognition that he needed help. I’ve joked that Hephaistion’s appointment amounted to, “Here, you figure out how to make this whole thing work; I want to go conquer more stuff.”

Once he lost Hephaistion, he became a boat without a rudder. But as noted, his mourning was not beyond the pale. The only difference is that he had the money (and authority) to impose his wishes. As a former bereavement counselor, I wrote an article called “The Mourning of Alexander the Great” that deep-sixes misconceptions about mourning and Alexander’s behavior.

Was he “crazy”? No. Was he the devil? I’m sure the countries he invaded thought so. Was he a megalomaniac? Almost certainly not. Was he an arrogant asshole (especially when he’d been drinking)? Almost certainly so. But his arrogance sprang from an odd mix of massive, early success mixed with deep insecurity spawned by his upbringing.

I find him fascinating precisely because he’s not a simple read. He’s not Donald Trump. He’s not Adolf Hitler. He’s not even Caesar, or Napoleon. He’s intensely complex, which is, I think, the source of his continued fascination.

I’d advise those who read about him to allow for that complexity. Avoid simplistic readings, even while not white-washing the really ugly side of his career.

#Alexander the Great #Alexander the mad #ancient Macedonia #argead kingship #alexander's atrocities #proskynesis #Hephaistion #Hephaestion #classics #avoid oversimplifying people's behavior #asks #was alexander crazy? #tagamemnon #violence in the ancient world

[wiener-soldiers]

hallelujah (iv) - steve trevor

summary: maybe there’s a god above, but steve doesn’t really mind. he’s just wants to see your face again.

words: 2000ish

warnings: none! it’s cute

parts: part i, part ii, part iii, part iv

But maybe there's a God above But all I've ever learned from love Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

And it's not a cry that you hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

“Good morning,” Steve calls out to Diana amusedly. She sits abruptly and looks at the dreary city around her. “We got lucky, caught a ride.”

She stands and walks towards the edge of the boat, taking in the city.

“Welcome to jolly ol’ London,” Steve says, breathing in the city air. The gray weather doesn’t phase him, he is just excited to see you again.

“It’s hideous,” Diana states.

“Yeah, it’s not for everyone.”

The two of them exit the boat and walk through the cobblestone streets. Steve tries tremendously hard to get Diana to his office, but she gets distracted faster than a toddler.

“Why are they holding hands?” the Amazonian woman asks from behind him, referring to a couple walking through the streets.

Steve glances at the sickeningly sweet pair, “Well, because they’re…together.”

A few seconds later, he feels a warm hand in his grasp. Surprised he stops and lets go of Diana’s hand, “No, we’re not together…I mean, not like that.” The captain sighs, “Look, we need to go this way.”

“Because this is the way to the war?”

“Technically, that’s the way to the war,” Steve says while jabbing his thumb behind him, but continues walking forward.

“Then where are we going?” she asks, trailing him while trying to avoid cars.

“I have to get this notebook to my superiors,” he states. “I should probably show it to (Y/N), too,” he mumbles more to himself. 

Diana stops abruptly, walking in front of him to stop him, “I let you go, you take me to Ares. We made a deal, Steve Trevor. A deal is a promise. A promise is unbreakable.”

“Clearly you’ve never met Patricia.” 

“Is she your partner?”

“God, no. That ship sank a long time ago. Well, more like crashed and burned.”

The pair keep walking, but Steve notices a man give him a cold stare. He looks down and groans, not realizing that he is still wearing a German’s pilot uniform.

“Dammit,” he sighs, “I need to change, and you…”

Diana gives a curt nod before opening her cloak, showing off her revealing armor. Steve reacts quickly, trying to keep her cloak closed as people stare as they walk by.

Diana furrows her brows, “What are you doing?”

“We need to get you some clothes.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you aren’t wearing any.” 

She looks around, confused, “What do these women wear into battle?” 

“Well, women don’t exactly—” Steve spots a phone booth and pulls Diana towards it. 

“What are you doing?” she asks as Steve fishes through his pockets for some nickels. He finds the ones he needs and loads the payphone.

The cackling in the phone blares in his ear, before a soft, “Hello?”

“(Y/N),” he breathes.

“Steve!” you gasp, not caring if the workers around you glance confusedly.

“I’m at a payphone and I can’t talk for—” 

“Dammit, Trevor! I thought you were dead! Why the fuck didn’t you call me?!” you whisper angrily, hoping people would stop staring. 

“Love—” 

“Where are you?! Jesus Christ, do you need back up? Are you safe?” 

“(Y/N)!” 

“What!” you cry.

Steve can’t help but smile softly at the concern, but then catches a glance out the window of the booth at Diana, who stares longingly at a baby in a stroller. He clears his throat, “I need you to meet me at Selfridge & Co. Bring Etta, too.”

“Steve why—” 

“There’s someone I need you to meet.”

He hears you say before shuffling papers around before pushing your chair back to stand up. “Fine,” you answer, “I’ll be there in 20 minutes. You better not leave me waiting, again.”

He hears you hang up the phone, but he knows you aren’t angry. He exits the booth, grabbing Diana and apologizing to a confused mother.

“Where are we going?” she asks, glancing back at the mother. 

“You wanted to meet my partner?” 

“Yes,” she insists. 

“Well, we’re meeting her, just not in the way you think.”

--

Steve leads Diana into the high-end store, glancing insecurely at the store goers giving him nasty looks. God, I need to get this uniform off me, he thinks to himself, annoyed. 

“Trevor!” he hears the girl before he sees her.

Before he can turn around, you shove past the tall woman in a dark cloak and engulf yourself in his arms. Steve catches you before letting out a hearty laugh, pulling your frame closer to his chest. He leans back, lifting your toes off the ground slightly as you press your cheek into the rough texture of his jacket.

You hold the position for a few minutes before shoving him off of you and slamming your fists into his chest. “Steve!” you snarl angrily, “What the fucking hell! You can’t just fall off the face of the Earth for weeks and just show up without telling anybody, especially me! You know how much I worry!”

He smiles softly at your and grabs your hands, “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“You better be. I was over at my parents for dinner the other day because someone just had to go missing and skip his ‘Welcome Back’ dinner and my mother thought I was ill because of how much I wasn’t speaking to Jack!” you rant at him, face growing hot. You take a peek at the tall woman beside Steve and notice the curiosity on her face. She’s beautiful, you think to yourself, Steve apparently has a knack of attracting beautiful woman when he’s left alone.

Steve can’t help but smile at your rant, feeling normal despite him wearing an enemy uniform as he stands in front of you. “Haven’t seen your brother in a while,” he answers you, “How’s the kid?”

“Oh, Jack? He’s growing. I hope that this war ends before he grows any taller, or else he might disguise himself and join the army to follow a certain someone’s footsteps.”

“Surely, you mean Charlie,” he replies cheekily.

You roll your eyes before hesitantly engulfing him in another hug. “Just…if you’re gonna go missing again, bring me with you. London is so boring,” you mumble into his chest. Steve nods against you, wrapping his arms around you a little tighter.

“It’s true!” The pair suddenly break apart at the sound of a high pitched and delighted British woman walking towards the group. “You’re alive!” Etta finishes. She smiles at the duo before turning her attention to the tall woman, whom you forgot was standing there to be quite honest. She sticks her hand out for the woman to shake but all she does is stare. Etta introduces herself anyways.

“Hello, I’m Etta Candy. I’m Captain Trevor’s and Agent (Y/L/N)’s secretary,” she says, gesturing to you. You lift your hand slightly in greeting.

“What’s a…secretary?” the woman asks. You raise your eyebrows at Steve and he gives you a look saying, ‘just go with it.’  

 “Well, it means I do everything! I go wherever they go, do whatever they tell me to do…”

The woman gives the two of you a slight glare, “Where I’m from, that’s called slavery.”

Etta glances at Steve, giving him a sly look, “Ooh, I like this one.”

Your feel your heart sink slightly as you watch as Steve watches Etta lead the woman away. You sigh to yourself and follow her before you feel Steve catch your arm. “Wait,” he calls out, forcing you to turn around.

“She’s beautiful,” you tell him.

“Yeah, but she might just be crazy.” You laugh as he leads you through the store. You help him pick out a new suit, trench coat, and briefcase. Your conversations are lights and it feels as if Steve had never left. He explains how he ended up on Themis—you weren’t really sure you remembered the name of the island, and how he met Diana. He caught you up on Dr. Poison’s plan (redacting the classified information by calling her, ‘Missy Prissy,’ of course) and you updating him on the buzz around the office.

As you make your way back to where Etta was finding clothes for Diana, Steve reappears beside you wearing his new suit and a large hat. You hum in agreement with his new outfit.

“What?” he asks you, jokingly. 

“I love the Sherlock Holmes look you’re going for.” 

“Shut up.” 

“But I’m serious Steve, you look good. This suits you.” 

“More than that German uniform, I hope,” he jokes, hoping to mask his blush.

The two of you greet Etta who is sitting in front of a changing room on a plush chair. Steve stands beside her while you plop down on the other said.

“Where is she?” Steve asks.

“Trying on outfit number two hundred and twenty-six.”

Said woman then emerges from the dressing room, wearing attire similar to your long coat and dress with her hair done up in a bun. All three of you are entranced by her beauty, however this time, you don’t let your envy get the best of you.

You walk towards Diana with a look of approval on your face while she asks, “Why is everyone staring? Is it because I can barely breathe in this?”

You shake your head, “No, you look amazing. It’s just…” You reach out to pull the pin keeping her hair tied up. Her dark brown curls fall softly around her face and you smile. “Your hair is much too gorgeous to keep tied up. Fuck fashion, this looks much better.”

“…fuck, fashion?”

You let out a soft chuckle and stick your hand out to her, “I feel like I haven’t properly introduced myself. I’m Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

She hesitantly shakes your hand, not knowing how exactly to do it, “The name ‘Agent’ is not one I am familiar with.”

“Oh! No, my first name is (Y/N). ‘Agent’ just means I’m a…” you glance at Steve who gives you an approving nod, she already knows about spies. “It means that I’m a spy. I work with Steve, actually.”

“You’re his…partner?” she asks. 

“The better half of us, to be quite honest.” 

She beams in excitement quite noticeably, “Wonderful! I have heard many things about you!” 

Steve blushes under your bewildered gaze, “You have, huh?” 

“Steve Trevor speaks very highly of you.” 

You scoff, “He better. He dragged me into this mess in the first place.” Steve laughs at your antics as he saunters close to your side, leaving Etta to pay for Diana’s new wardrobe. 

“May I ask,” continues Diana, “when will you two be having children?” 

You swear your heart stops and you can feel Steve stiffen beside you. 

“What?!” the two of you say simultaneously. “Well, Steve said that the two of you were partners, you display behaviours very similar to other couples who I have observed during my short time here, you have public displays of affection, and Steve’s eyes shimmer when he talks about you, (Y/N). That is love, no?” Diana finishes, looking between the two of you, oblivious to the fact that she outed both of your deepest feelings. 

“Diana—”  

“Alright, I have secured the clothing for the Princess—is everything alright?” Etta interrupts.

Steve clears his throat and looks up, “Yeah, uh, would you mind giving me and (Y/N) a moment, Etta?”

The British woman notices the slight tension between the two of you before nodding, “Come on, Diana. Best if you put these new clothes on.”

As the two of you watch Etta whisk Diana away, you delay looking back at Steve as you can feel him studying your face.

“Steve—” 

“(Y/N) I—” 

“Oh, sorry. You go first.” 

“No, I interrupted. Continue—” 

“Steve, I insist—”  

“But I interrupted—” 

“No, but you said more so please, just contin—” 

“Alright then, I’m in love with you!” Steve finishes, raising his voice slightly, causing shoppers to look at him strangely.

You are speechless as you stare at him. He takes the hat off his head and looks down, fiddling with the brim to avoid eye contact. “Look, we’ve known each other for years and you are just so kind and caring and helped me through some of the worst times in my life. And you are always so bright and lively, I get excited coming back to dreary old London just to see you. And I know that you are not really big on dating but—”

“Steve, ask me to dinner.”

He looks up, his bottom lip opening in shock slightly, “I’m sorry, did you say—”

“Ask me to dinner, Steve Trevor,” you say more confidently this time, stepping closer.

He smiles softly at you, taking your hands in his. “Would you like to join me for dinner tonight, (Y/N)?” he asks in a whisper-like town, almost as if he wants to shield his proposal from the rest of the world, so his affection can remain yours an only yours.

You smile the sincerest smile he has ever seen you give before reaching up and pressing your lips to his. Your lips are significantly softer than his, your lipstick somehow tasting like peaches. His lips are chapped but oh so warm and feel like home. Both of you forget that you are standing in the middle of a busy downtown London store.

You pull away first, gasping for air. As the cool air fills your lungs, you are reminded that this is real and that your lipstick is really smeared across Steve’s lips, your heart is in his hands, and his call of Hallelujah takes form in your wonderful being.

“I thought you’d never ask,” you say before pressing another soft kiss to his lips. He smiles against them, pulling away to place a kiss on your forehead. The two of you exit the store with your hands interlocked, ready to take on the world ahead of you.

The cold and broken man cried Hallelujah and he was sent an Angel, brighter than anything that he had ever seen.

taglist: @sebastianstanfoundmymixtape, @accio-rogers, @lionheo04, @stupendoussciencenaturepanda

#if you didnt know i love steve trevor #and chris pine #i adore him #steve trevor #steve trevor imagine #steve trevor x reader #chris pine #chris pine imagine #chris pine x reader #dc #wonder woman #gal gadot #diana prince #diana prince imagine #weiner soliders #weiner soliders imagine #eliza speaks

[marshmallowprotection]

Chasing the Sky

AO3 | FFN

Pairing: Choi Saeran/Reader

Description: You wanted to become the next Pokemon Showcase Queen, but something pipelined your quest! Actually, it was someone. It was this mysterious boy that you kept running into. His green eyes bore into your heart like nothing else, and his voice invaded your dreams every night. Who was he? Why did trouble follow him? All you knew was that you wanted to learn more about him. POKEMON AU!

Chapter Three | Chapter Four (Right Here!)

IV

"Appearance."

"What happened here?"

"I don't know, (Y/N). Whatever it is, I don't think it's good."

You weren't sure what you expected but part of the building being missing and a Professor on the ground trying to catch his breath in the midst of smoke was definitely not a good thing. It looked like a Pokemon had taken out the wall. You and Yoosung rushed into the scene when Professor Rowan composed himself, and stared at the building and then at the forest to his left. Something had happened and whatever it was wasn't good.

"Professor!"

His stern face was composed in spite of the chaos. "Oh, Yoosung, it's you, and a friend as well. I'm relieved to see someone. I need to alert Officer Jenny to this mess."

"What happened?" He asked, worried eyes staring at the scene.

"Mint Eye happened," the Professor let out a heavy sigh and looked wistfully towards the woods. "I'm sure you've seen the reports of these troublemakers popping up these past few weeks, well now they've gone and stolen the Pokemon that were prepared for you and the other young trainers. They ran off into the woods but Officer Jenny and her squadron haven't arrived yet."

You did a double take, "What?" you said. There was a group causing trouble in this region as well? You could remember when Team Rocket had caused white the mess in Kanto and you really didn't want to relive any of that mess.

"That means... I won't be getting my first Pokemon." Yoosung's shoulders slumped. It seemed like his hopes had been dashed.

"No way," you grabbed Yoosung's hand and give him a firm look in the eyes. "We're not letting a couple of bad eggs ruin somebody's journey. I don't care who they think they are. That's just not right. Yoosung and I will follow their tracks for you, Professor! We'll try to catch them before they escape!"

Rowan stared at you for a moment and sighed reluctantly. "If you think you can handle them, young lady, you are free to give chase. I don't have any assistants on hand right now, you're the only hope at the moment. Officer Jenny won't be here in time."

You didn't hesitate to run in the direction of the muddy tracks after those thieves that had taken something so precious.

"W-wait, (Y/N)!"

"C'mon, Yoosung!"

That was that.

The both of you had to stop these guys.

The forest surrounding the laboratory was filled with all kind of trees and thick brush, as well as Pokemon that they were holding for young trainers out on their own journies. These thieves had made a mistake though as their tracks could be followed. It leads both of you on a chase into deep beyond the trees and away from the building. it brought you to an impasse where there was a fork in the road. It wasn't clear which path they might have taken to get away from the lab, so you both stood there looking for a clue. You were both looking left and right for anything suspicious and fortunately, Yoosung caught the glimmer of something in the corner of his eye.

"H-hey, it's a Pokeball," Yoosung called. "It looks like it might have been from the lab."

You spun around and looked at him holding a Pokeball with a blue sticker on the front of it, wondering how it had wound up in the forest in the first place. You just didn't find something like that in the middle of nowhere. It had to be a clue to the missing starters if it was out here. "Why would a Pokeball be laying in the middle of the forest? That's really strange. Give it a toss, Yoosung, let's find out what it is."

Yoosung gave it a clumsy whirl and it popped open. A blue penguin stood there with perplexed eyes. It looked at you, and then it looked at Yoosung. "Pip! Piplup pip!"

You stared at the small penguin with a raised eyebrow.

"What the heck is that?" You asked Yoosung, knowing your Pokedex hadn't yet been updated for the Sinnoh region of Pokemon which left you relying on Yoosung, a native to the region, to tell you what you were seeing.

Yoosung looked down. "This is a Piplup. It's one of the Pokemon the Professor was holding for us. I can't believe these guys were careless enough to drop one of them after they nearly destroyed the lab to get all three of them. Hey buddy," he dropped down to his knee and patted the penguin on its head very gently to calm it. "You look like you're okay. Thank goodness for that. They must have been in their Pokeballs which is why they got away with them in the first place."

"They must be nearby then," you mused. "What do you think, Eevee?"

Eevee chirped back at you in agreement. "Eee Eevee vee!"

"Should we take this Piplup back to the professor?" he asked.

You shook your head. "No time for that, they might get away if we don't stay on their tail. But hey, since we found Piplup, we can split up! You can go that way and I'll go this way!"

Yoosung looked horrified at your suggestion. "You want us to split us now? I've never even had a battle before, Y/N, what if I run into these guys and they're super strong?"

"You want to get those other Pokemon back, don't you?" You countered his words. "You never know what you're capable of until you throw yourself on the fire, Yoosung. Even if you can't beat them, you can stall them long enough for Officer Jenny to catch up to us! If you want to be a great Pokemon trainer then you need to be ready for anything. Today is the day your journey begins, so you should take control of your destiny right now."

Yoosung looked down at Piplup with a nervous look in his eyes. "Well, what do you think about that, Piplup?" Piplup stared at him with perplexed eyes but gave a squeak in reply. The bird nodded it's head and seemed resolute. They seemed to have a conversation between both of themselves just like that, and with fire in their eyes, they seemed ready.

"Alright. You go that way and I'll go this way!"

It didn't take long for you to run into a shady figure. In fact, it was like the guy was waiting for you to show up and try to stop him. He was wearing a hooded cloak over his head that covered most of his face except for his mouth. His lips were curled into a wicked smirk as he leaned his back against a hollow tree and looked in your direction.

You kept your guard up as you approached and Eevee was one step behind you.

"I was wondering when someone was going to catch up to me," he sneered. "I figured it would have been the police but they would never have stood a chance. Instead, the Professor sends a little girl after me of all things to save the day. I should have known the man wouldn't give chase himself, what a shame, but at least you look like you have a real fight in you. I bet this is what you're looking for, isn't it?"

He lifted his hand and flashed two Pokeballs in your direction.

"That's right," you responded, keeping your eyes trained on him. "And you're going to give them, or else."

"Or else what, princess? That sounds like an empty threat." He retorted. He rested a hand against his hip and paid you no mind. "What will you do? Use your Eevee on me? What's it gonna do? Cute me to death?"

"You really shouldn't underestimate something because it looks cute. Eevee, use shadow ball!" Eevee didn't miss a beat and launched its attack at the dark figure. The ball of dark energy was sent soaring in his direction and smashed into the tree next to him. He simply moved out of the way and gave you another look, that smirk hadn't left from his face the entire time.

"Princess does have some fight, hahaha." he cackled. He reached underneath his cloak and went for his own Pokeball, but paused before as his fingertips touched the metal surface. "I suppose you could fight me for the Pokemon if you're that determined."

"Bring it on." You told him.

The Pokeball was sent whirling forwards and out sprang what appeared to be a dark type. "C'mon Zorua, let's teach this princess a lesson for trying to be a goody-goody," the man said, and his Pokemon looked back at him and then towards you and your Eevee with a determined glint. You hesitated, but Eevee rushed in front of you in a protective stance.

"Alright, Eevee. We can do this."

"Eevee! Vee vee!"

He thrust his hand forward and directed his Pokemon to attack. "Zorua, use foul play!"

Zorua snickered and boosted with dark energy. It flared to life and thrust in the direction of Eevee.

Eevee stared at the attack and waited for your command, which you threw out immediately. "Eevee, dodge and use swift!" you returned. The stars swirled to life and went back at Zorua. The attack barely managed to land a hit but it brushed against him. Zorua stumbled but held its ground.

"Zorua, use fury swipes on that Eevee!" The man didn't like that, and his temper grew as he was pushed back against the wall. Zorua listened and Eevee was struck before you could tell it to dodge. The battle would ensue for a few minutes as the both of you tried to give it your all against the other, and it proved to be nearly evenly matched. Every attack that landed seemed to do the same amount of damage to each Pokemon. They stumbled but they kept going. Eevee and Zorua continued to dance around the battlefield in a desperate battle.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! Where are you? The guy I fought said the real thief ran in this direction that you came! I'm coming to help you!" Yoosung's voice suddenly broke through the area.

Your challenger grits his teeth and glared in the direction of the sound of the boy's voice. He didn't seem happy that someone else had come to bother him in the middle of a fight. "Ugh. I guess we'll have to finish our fight another time."

"Hey, wait a minute, you can't leave we had a deal!" You called at him as his back turned. "You said you'd give them back if I beat you in a fair battle, hold up your bargain!" Suddenly, the two Pokeballs were tossed in your direction and you managed to catch them with your fumbling fingers. You stared at them and then looked back in the direction of this stranger. He had just given them up? Why had he even tried to steal them if he was going to give them up to someone the minute he was inconvenienced?

"Don't throw a fit, princess. These things are more trouble than they're worth. I can get much better Pokemon for my Savior then those pitiful excuses for starters. Do what you want with those. I don't care."

"Savior? Is that the leader of your group?" You questioned. "What was the point in all of this?"

He chuckled. "Of course, you must not be from around here if you haven't a clue about us or my Savior. If you stay long enough you'll learn the truth about this world and why you should come over to our side of things. We'll meet again, I'm sure of it, princess."

"I hope not, Unknown."

With the toss of that nickname left in the air, this Unknown shrugged you off and headed into the forest before you could chase after him. The sound of Yoosung's voice was growing closer and you had what had been lost. Why chase after the guy since he had returned what he had taken? Officer Jenny and her crew would be after him soon enough. You clutched the Pokeballs and turned your back this scene. "Yoosung! You won't believe it, I got the Pokemon back!"

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger fanfiction #reader #reader insert #saeran choi x reader #saeran choi #unknown #ray #unknown mystic messenger #ray mystic messenger #pokemon #pokemon au #alternate universe #mystic messenger pokemon #pokemon mystic messenger #chasing the sky #chapter four #fanfic #fanfiction #mystic messenger reader insert

[the-fandom-crossroads]

☠: my muse visits your muse’s grave ( Going through the Proof of Existence room after hearing about those in Castle Oblivion being terminated. I am ready for the angst. OuO)

Ooc: This turned into a monster omg. I did quite a bit of research to make sure I did this right. Most funerary customs I looked up were a moot point because Demyx has no body to mourn. (eh nobody get it? eyyyy that is a horrible pun I’m sorry) I’m pretty sure I wrote Demyx going through all seven stages of grief. So keep an eye out for that.This is really sad and I hope it makes you sad as it made me. It’s all under a read more cause oh boy so big.

Demyx had been avoiding the room. Demyx would portal around half the castle just to avoid walking past the door. It had worked for the last two weeks. Just act normal and no one will notice that laziness has changed to depression. Nobody’s don’t get depressed. Nobody’s don’t miss their friends.

It was bullshit. Demyx missed Zexion and he couldn’t make it stop. The horrible feeling of losing someone else. The dreams of running and never getting to them in time. It was all back and he hated it. 

Hanging out with Xion and a sleeping Roxas helped. Xion was nice and she always brought seashells. Demyx loved giving her little facts about different types of shells.

But everything had been flipped on its head again. Axel was back, Axel was alive. Demyx didn’t mind that Roxas immediately went back to hanging out with Axel. They were best friends, Demyx could tell. Demyx wasn’t surprised that Xion followed. She always followed Roxas’ lead. He was certain they’d still hang out from time to time and talk about seashells.

But Axel was alive. And that had to mean something right? It had to mean the report that everyone died in castle oblivion was wrong. That maybe someone else survived too. Demyx couldn’t get the thought out of his head.

So here he was standing in front of the door to the Proof of Existence. He had to know. He had to see for himself. So why did he hesitate? 

Screw it! He was here and he was going to learn the truth. Demyx pushes the door open and steps into the Proof of Existence. 

A quick glance shows a balanced mix of blue and red markers. Demyx moves to check Axel’s first, intentionally not looking at the other half of the room. A shiver goes up his spine as he walks past his own marker. 

Demyx stops in front of Axel’s marker. The floor plate glows a bright blue, but the stand is destroyed. The back piece seems to have been snapped at the base and glass still covers the floor. 

If Axel had been injured like he said the floor plate would have been flickering between red and blue. That plus the decimated back piece. It made sense why Xigbar had assumed him dead with the others. There’s little you can do for a flickering nobody. They tend to be too close to fading.

Demyx sighed; he had held off long enough. Keeping his head down he stepped out of the row and moved forward one. He closed his eyes as he turned his body to face the no. VI marker.

“Please, just please be flickering.” If it was flickering maybe something could still be done. Axel had survived flickering. Hopefully, Zexion would too.

Demyx opened his eyes and gasped in horror. “No.” It was the only word that escaped his mouth as he fell to the floor, kneeling in front of the marker. It was totaled. None of the back piece remained and most of the floor piece had been ripped out. But that wasn’t what trapped Demyx’s attention. What little of the floor piece that remained was a bright bleeding red.

Demyx stared as the red began to blur with the gray around it. Emotions, feelings, things he had been holding in for the last few weeks came rushing to the surface. “No! Zexion! Why?! You were supposed to be careful! You were supposed to be the smart one! So why… why are you gone?!” 

Demyx curls in on himself. Castle Oblivion was supposed to be safe. It meant Zexion wouldn’t be going on dangerous recon missions anymore. It meant he would be able to work on his experiments more. It was supposed to be a good thing.

“Do you guys really have to move to Castle Oblivion Zexion? It’s like halfway across the universe.” Demyx unapologetically sat on one of Zexion’s lab tables. Demyx absentmindedly skimmed over some of the papers near him while swinging his legs back and forth.

“You know Superior ordered us to split our forces between the two castles. So yes we really have to go. Besides the distance is relative, you can always portal there.” Zexion would tell Demyx to leave when he started getting annoying, but sitting on a counter chatting was relatively harmless. He wasn’t interrupting any of their experiments.

 “But I’m going to be so busy! You know Saix is just going to toss all the recon missions on me when you’re gone.” Demyx tossed his arms up, never giving up a chance to complain about the blue-haired superior.

“And yet I get the feeling you will find ways to be lazy.” 

“Ha! You know it! Maybe I’ll use that time to visit you guys.” 

Vexen chose this moment to butt in. “No, no you will not no. IX. We are moving to Castle Oblivion to avoid distractions from our experiments.” Vexen was actually quite pleased with the arrangement fewer people meant fewer interruptions.

“But what about breaks? You guys need to take breathers from time to time.” 

Zexion sighed. “Don’t worry IX I’m certain V will find ways to force us to take breaks.” 

Demyx crossed his arms and pouted. “But I wanted to help with that.” 

Vexen rolled his eyes. “No. IX if you want to be helpful keep an eye on XIV while we’re gone.” 

“The new guy? Why do you want me to watch them?” 

“XIV is part of one of our more long-running experiments. I need to know if there are any issues with the new member while I am away.” 

Demyx shrugged. “If that’s what you need help with sure. I mean Axel’s going to be busy showing XIII around.” 

Zexion looked up from his papers. “Didn’t you hear? Axel has been assigned to keep an eye on Larxene and Marluxia.” 

“What!?”

Demyx didn’t talk to Zexion for long after that. Demyx got distracted running off to yell at Axel for not telling him he was on the Oblivion mission. That was the last full conversation Demyx had with Zexion. Most days he regrets that.

And now he was gone. Demyx brushed the few tears that had appeared in his eyes. 

“H-hey Zexion. I guess you really are gone. Sorry I didn’t come to visit sooner. I just wasn’t ready to admit you were gone.” Demyx sighs. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything with me. Marluxia’s flowers died a long time ago. But I doubt you’d want a Lei from them, he was an asshole.” Demyx gives a dry chuckle of a laugh wiping away a few more tears. “I doubt he had any Maile* plants anyway.”

Demyx somber’d up for a moment. He may not be able to follow any of the customs, but he could still give his respects. He knew Zexion hadn’t been religious. It would be foolish to wish him well in a next life he didn’t believe existed. So he would just say what was important for Zexion to hear right now.

“Zexion you were the youngest of us, but you were the smartest of us. You were witty, cunning, intelligent, fun, sarcastic. Given enough time I’m sure you would have solved every mystery in the universe. I mourn every day the fact that you didn’t get to be a somebody for long. I mourn your lost chance to experience emotions like the rest of us did. I-i mourn that you didn’t live to get your heart back. I mourn that you will n-never be in my life again. I mourn you. Hoaloha* Ienzo.”

Finding himself with nothing else to say. Demyx wiped away the rest of his tears and stood. Slowly he left the Proof of Existence. He doubted he’d ever find the strength to go back in there. Once had been draining enough for a nobody with no feelings. As he walked down the hallway he ran into the last person he wanted to see.

“Hey Demyx, I haven’t really seen you around since I got back.”

Because I’ve been avoiding you. Demyx looks at the ground refusing to make eye contact. “Hello VIII, I thought you were giving your report to Xemnas.”

“I just finished.” 

“Ah well, then I assume you’ll want to be getting to twilight town. Roxas and Xion should be finishing with their missions soon.”

“Hey man if I didn’t know any better I’d assume you’re trying to give me the cold shoulder. I wanted to talk to you before I go.”

“Oh yeah…” Demyx decides to rush through the conversation then maybe Axel would leave. “Roxas and Xion were fine while you were gone. Roxas ended up sleeping for a week or so at the end there, but it started on a mission with Xigbar so it’s on him. I did what I was told and kept an eye on them. Now if you’d excuse me.”

“Demyx why are you avoiding me?” Axel had easily noticed that Demyx was refusing to even look at him.

Demyx shouldn’t blame Axel. It wasn’t his fault he was the only one to survive the castle. Demyx shouldn’t blame him for surviving, but he couldn’t help it! 

“How did he die?” Demyx didn’t need to specify who Axel knew. Demyx was still looking down so he didn’t see as Axel’s eyes looked away.

“The keyblade wielder, he… he wiped everyone out.” Axel put a hand on Demyx’s shoulder. “Demyx I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit.” Demyx roughly pulled his arm out of Axel’s grip. He finally looked up at him, a glare secure on his face.

“Any tests with the keyblade wielder were to be conducted in the higher levels. Overlooked by no. XI Marluxia and no. XII Larxene. Superiors IV, V, and VI were to be conducting private experiments in the underground lower levels. They never should have been in contact with the keyblade wielder.”

Axel tensed. “How do you- Zexion. He told you about top-secret mission details.” So Zexion was one of the traitors.

“Nope.” Demyx gives a tired smirk. “Vexen did, he was really excited to brag about his new lab facilities.” 

At that moment Axel was scared of Demyx for the first time. The kid could wiggle his way into any conversation and make it seem like he was supposed to be there. Demyx could convince Vexen to talk about secret information with him in the room. The scariest part was it didn’t seem like Demyx even realized he was doing recon on the other members.

Axel shook his head. He’d have to word this carefully to convince Demyx. “You’re right the keyblade wielder wasn’t supposed to go to the lower floors. The first one didn’t.”

Demyx frowned, “what?”

“There were two of them Demyx. Apparently, the first one had a little friend. The second one didn’t arrive until the first was already working his way through Larxene and Marluxia. Lexeaus and” Axel looks away. “Zexion was overwhelmed by the second one. They didn’t have any backup.”

Demyx’s eyes narrowed. “Where were you?”

“After Marluxia and Larxene fell, I was the only one left upstairs. I was stuck trying to contain the first wielder. If I hadn’t stalled him as long as I did they would have been overwhelmed by two keyblade wielders.”

Demyx’s shoulders sagged as he listened to Axel’s tale. So Zexion had died fighting. Zexion had hated fighting. It wasn’t fair!

“Where are they?” Demyx’s voice comes out as a deep growl. Axel startles.

“You can’t be thinking of going after them. That’s suicide!”

“They killed members of our organization! We have to take them out!”

“Woah, woah, woah. Demyx you can’t just go hunt them down.”

“Why not!? They killed Zexion Axel! They killed him!” Demyx gets in Axel’s face as he yells at him. Specs of tears returning to the corners of Demyx’s green eyes.

“Demyx.” Why hadn’t Axel realized this? Why hadn’t he thought an event like this wouldn’t affect their most loyal member. “Demyx they’re gone. None of us know where they disappeared too.”

Demyx looks away. Quickly blinking away the tears and clearing his throat. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll just start searched world to world. They can’t hide forever.”

Axel had to stop him. Demyx was teetering over an edge and Axel wasn’t certain his mental state would survive the fall. A rogue Demyx was the last thing they needed.

“Demyx you can’t go after them.” Axel grabs Demyx by both shoulders and shakes him. “Do you hear me? You can’t go after those two.”

“Why not?” 

“Because you’re too-” Axel trails off, he’s not sure how to finish that sentence.

Demyx’s eyes glare again. “To what?” Demyx is pissed. “To EmoTIONALLY cOMpromISED?!” Demyx grabs both of Axel’s wrists his grip incredibly strong. “NEWSFLASH AXEL WE’RE NOBODY’S. WE DON’T GET EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED! BECAUSE WE DON’T FEEL THINGS!” Demyx was tired of feeling things he wasn’t supposed to feel. He was tired of hurting all the time.

“WOULD YOU JUST LISTEN FOR A SECOND!?” Demyx froze at Axel’s response. His hands slackened and he sagged in Axel’s grip. Axel took a deep breath, collecting himself.

He was surprised the fight left Demyx so easily. Was this part of Demyx new? Or had he always been this close to tipping over and no one had noticed? Axel groans, Zexion probably noticed.

“Demyx you can’t go after the wielders, because Xemnas hasn’t given you that mission.” Demyx seemed to listen to this logic. “You have to follow orders or they’ll label you a traitor.”

“Like Marluxia and Larxene.” Axel really didn’t like that. He really didn’t like that Demyx had figured out they were traitors. It meant he probably made the connections that they had been intentionally sent to Castle Oblivion to die to the keyblade wielder. It was too close to the reason the others had died.

“Yeah Demyx, like Marluxia and Larxene. Do you understand Demyx? Xemnas will give us orders to go after them. They took out our own after all. But you have to wait for him to give us the order.” Axel hated tricking Demyx like this, but he knew it was effective.

Demyx sighed in Axel’s arms, defeated. “You’re right. I should wait for Xemnas to give the order.”

Axel sighed in relief. “Good.” He finally let go of Demyx’s shoulders.

Demyx stepped back. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

Axel coughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Demyx started to walk away. “Uh, Demyx?” Demyx paused. “If you uh want, you can come join us for ice cream sometime. Since you, you know, know about it.”

Demyx slightly turned and gave Axel a tiny smile. The first one Axel had seen on Demyx all conversation. It was weird seeing the guy without a smile.

“Thanks for the offer Axel, but I think I’ll pass. Ice cream is your thing with Roxas and Xion. I refuse to impose on that.” Demyx continued walking down the hallway. Once he turned the corner he summoned a door of darkness and portal’d to his room.

Demyx face planted onto his bed. He screamed his frustrations into his pillow. After a moment of muffled screaming, he came up for air. He just laid there on his side. Wishing the world would just stop.

Axel was right. Demyx would follow Xemnas’ orders. He wouldn’t engage with the keyblade wielders until ordered too. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be the first one to find them and report back to Xemnas.

Demyx sat up on the bed. That was it! He could just check random worlds himself during his free time! And if Saix or Xemnas himself questioned it. Demyx could say he was just exploring and doing recon! Which technically he was!

If he wanted as much time as possible to search. He would have to finish his missions faster. Perhaps skip parts of the reports entirely.

“Well, Zexion you did always want me to find a way to get over my procrastination. Too bad hunting down your murderer is what did it.”

*Maile leaves are the most common type of funeral Lei. Different Lei’s have different meanings so I had Demyx mention the one used in funerals.

*hoaloha combined word meaning hello/goodbye friend. Hoa-friend, Aloha-hello/goodbye.

Also tossed Ienzo in there at the end, cause names have power. And it felt wrong for Demyx to call him Zexion in his final goodbye.

Author’s note: wow was that long! 2,600 words. Hope it’s a satisfying response. lol. I’m definitely posting this one as a one-shot on AO3 at some point. This thing doubled in length because Axel decided to show up and do a bunch of foreshadowing. I’m glad I was able to work in my headcanon that Demyx is avoiding Axel for most of days. In the manga, Demyx is always quite happy to talk to Xion or Roxas. But he rarely interacts with them when Axel’s around.

My favorite part of this was giving a reason for Demyx’s “laziness” in days. He wasn’t lazy he was just busy trying to hunt down Sora and Riku for killing Zexion. When really it had been Axel the whole time. Man, maybe I should write a part 2 post-DDD where Demyx learns Axel is the one who ended Zexion. It’s something to think about for later. Something to use with nort’d Demyx maybe?

#days demyx #cloakedbookworm #zemyx #omg this was so sad to write #that end argument with Axel wasn't planned #but man was it painful #Demyx has no idea Axel willingly watch Zexion die #it makes Axel more of an asshole #but that's how CoM axel was

[kassandra-lorelei]

Can you write a fic based on the baby shower episode? Or when where cc reassures him how much she loves him. Ive already read all of your fics. Lol

Aw, I’m actually so happy to have such a dedicated fan! I incorporated a little of both elements in this fic, so I hope you enjoy it! And I do apologise for it taking so long, I hope it’s good enough to make up for all the time spent waiting.

Also, if you are the same anon (or if they are reading this) who asked for the other fic, it is also being worked on and you shall have it soon!

@missbabcocks1 @holomoriarty

“Okay, so let’s go over it again. I’ll say the beginningpart, and you finish my sentence,” she told him, keeping her voice level andpatient. “I came to Los Angeles to…?”

Niles sighed a little before he answered, clearly worn downenough by their talk (well, more her talking and him listening) to just want itto be over.

“Assist in promoting Mr Sheffield’s new sitcom.”

It would be over, soon enough. This was the only kind of punishmentshe was planning on giving him for what had happened – just a little reminderthat no matter what, C.C. Babcock was not, and never would be, a cheat.

Especially not on him. After bringing twenty years of bitterrivalry to an end with a night of ardent passion, followed by several weeks(going into months) of the same, it was safe to say that she had found her man.

Her man, who was witty, and kind, and came prepared with herfavourite meals and a backrub whenever she’d had a stressful day in the office.Her man, who she had fun with in ways that didn’t always involve being naked, andwho she could wake up next to in the morning, feeling safe and happy in hisarms.

Her man, who was answering pretty well so far, and didn’thave any real reason to worry, despite the previous implication that he didn’ttrust her. Just a couple more sentences, and they’d be done.

“Good,” she gave anod and a small smile, before continuing. “I did not come to Los Angeles to…?”

Niles looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up, “Sleepwith anyone, up to and including Mr Sheffield.”

Damn straight she wasn’t gonna sleep with Maxwell, oranybody else! Niles had…well, kind of spoiled her for any other man, and shewasn’t gonna let go of that for all the money or prestige in the world.

“Very good,” her smile grew a little wider. “And now, Nileshas to admit that he is…?”

Niles pursed his lips, clearly ashamed, “Sor-”

C.C. raised her eyebrows and shook her head softly, “No…”

“An idiot, for thinking otherwise,” the butler correctedhimself. He then quickly added one last sentence. “And also, sorry.”

He truly was sorry – it didn’t take a genius to work thatout. And they were, at last, done with all the things she wanted him to say.

She patted and rubbed his arm, and then got up from the bedwhere she’d insisted they both sat to talk, “That’s more like it.”

She was intending to get them both something from theminibar when she heard him get up from where he’d been sat.

“I suppose I’ll…leave you to it for the night, then.”

C.C. stiffened, before turning around to look at him again.

Why did it sound like he was planning on leaving?

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Well, after all of this, I can understand if you don’t wantto see me tonight,” the butler explained sadly, ducking his eyes remorsefullytowards the carpet. “Or…really at all, anymore…”

Now, just what was that supposed to mean?

Did…did he think that she was gonna tell him to go, or thatshe didn’t want to see him anymore?! That was the last thing on her mind! She’dtold him what had really gone on, he’d said he was sorry, they could move on!

She didn’t want him to go, and it was obviously killing him tothink that he had to.

Although part of her also wanted to know why he thought hedid.

Before he could walk out, she sidestepped in front of himand folded her arms, silently demanding an explanation as to why he wasprobably going to go sleep in the hotel lobby until he could catch a flightback to New York with Nanny Fine in the morning.

And Niles sighed, visibly deflating before her eyes. Shedidn’t think she’d ever seen him so miserable!

“I…followed you here because I got scared. When westarted…well, when we decided to try this new arrangement, I felt like theluckiest man on the planet. I’d never had so much fun, nor been so happy in allmy life!” he explained, running a hand through his hair. A clear sign ofagitation. “So, when Mrs Sheffield’s psychic told her that Mr Sheffield wouldend up in bed with a leggy, blue-eyed blonde and began to worry, I did too. I couldn’tpossibly see what I have that Mr Sheffield doesn’t; I’m not rich, or handsome,I can’t keep you in the life that you’ve always had and I…I just had to come.”

C.C. was stunned.

He really believed all of that? About not being good enoughfor her because he wasn’t rich, and couldn’ttake care of her the way a wealthy suitor might’ve been able to?

He took care of her in plenty of other ways – ways shecouldn’t even begin to look after herself! He made her laugh, helped her to relax, and - most importantly of all, she’d no doubt one day say to her mother - he made her happy.

She was about to ask him who gave even the slightest hint ofa crap about financial situations, considering she could – and would – takecare of money for the both of them, when he spoke up again and cut her off.

“But I know; none of it is any excuse. I didn’t trust youthe way I should have, and that’s an insult I know I can’t make up for,” heshook his head sadly. “I’m sorry for all of it, but I know that isn’t enough. You…frankly, just deserve better.”

He tried to go then, but C.C. grabbed his hands and held himthere, looking him right in the eye.

She was getting the feeling that she’d come off as harshwithout meaning to, and she thought she knew how to make it alright again.

“Who said that I was looking for better than you, Hazel?”she asked gently.

Niles got a flustered look, like he was about to panic aswell, “Well, no one! I just assumed that-”

She cut him off that time, by pressing her lips against his.

It didn’t take long for him to melt into it and kiss herback, pulling her into an embrace that felt like he never wanted to let her go.

And that was just the way C.C. liked it.

Eventually they had to pull away for air, but remained ineach other’s arms, hearts beating faster and heads resting together.

Niles was the first to break the silence, “So…I supposeit’s safe to say that you’re not dumping me?”

The producer let out a low chuckle.

“It’s very safe to say that, Butler Boy,” she grinned,pulling free from his embrace to take his hand. She tugged him over towards herbedside table. “Come on – there’s actually something I wanna show you.”

He obviously thought they were heading straight to bed,because C.C. heard him give a hum of interest.

“Hm, am I going to like what I’m being shown…?”

C.C. smirked, “Not in the way that you’re hoping just yet.”

She didn’t even have to turn around to know that his ownsmirk would’ve dropped.

“Oh.”

She knew she’d make up for his current disappointment in alittle while. For now, there was one last thing she had with her, to prove thatthey were more than okay in their relationship.

She took him over to the bedside table, made him sit down onthe edge of the bed, and picked up the photo frame she’d taken with her.

The one that contained the first picture of him she’d ever taken.He’d been the first thing she’d photographed when she’d bought herself a newcamera.

“You see this?” she held it in her hands and used one of herindex fingers to tap it. “Maxwell made fun of me on the plane for taking it onboard in my carry-on.”

Niles looked at her in wonder. He probably didn’t realise shehadn’t been joking when she’d insisted on getting his picture framed,considering she kept it at the penthouse and they spent most (if not all) oftheir time together at the mansion.

“I, um…couldn’t bear the thought of putting it in theluggage hold. Much like I can’t bear the thought of sleeping in a bed withoutyou next to me,” she explained, feeling a blush creep across her face. “So anytime we’re not in the same place overnight, I put it out. I kinda…have to pretendyou’re there.”

She wasn’t used to talking about her feelings. For the longesttime, she’d thought it would make her vulnerable. But this, even if it stillfelt a little embarrassing, wasn’t anywhere near as bad as she’d thought. This wasa kind of vulnerability that she liked – going from opening up to sharingthings with…well, the man who knew her better than anybody else. Inside andout.

Niles blinked at her, “You do?”

She put the frame back on the nightstand and gestured to it,“Why else would I have it out right now, Niles?”

The butler appeared to think for a moment, and he shifted alittle on the bed.

“Well, any number of reasons…” he began. “Up to andincluding some kind of voodoo ritual that I’m not familiar with.”

C.C. bit the inside of her lip to stop herself fromgrinning. Zingers were their terra firma, and it dissipated any lingeringawkwardness or tension.

Not that there was tension anymore. At least, not the samekind of tension as there had been.

She paced towards him, folding her arms.

“That was weak, and pathetic,” she told him. “An awful lotlike you, really.”

Niles reached out and pulled her towards him, so that she’dstand between his legs. He then began to run his hands up her sides.

“You call me pathetic, I’m not the one who has to sleep witha photograph any time I miss somebody.”

The producer leaned in towards his face, unfolding her armsto place them on his shoulders, “No, you just fly three thousand miles to irritatethem in person.”

The butler grinned back at her, “You know you love it.”

She squeezed his shoulders, smirking back, “And you, likethe sap you are, love that I sleep with your picture.”

Niles wiggled his eyebrows, “Though I much prefer it whenyou’re sleeping with the real thing.”

C.C. chuckled again. But this time, something changed. Itwas like something had snapped.

She knew that there was something she had to say – somethingshe didn’t think she’d ever said to anyone. But she knew she had to say it now,or else she might explode.

“I love you, you stupid old man.”

There was a pause, and she saw Niles’ eyes shining inhappiness. He knew she meant what she’d said.

But he didn’t veer off-course for an instant.

“Funny,” he said. “You took the words right out of mymouth.”

C.C. gave him an unamused look, “If you wanna sleep in thebed tonight, you might consider rethinking your previous statement, Dust Buster.”

Niles gave her a brief sheepish look, before it morphed intoone of a man who had an idea.

And C.C. felt it was one she was going to like.

“Well, in that case…” he reached up and around her middle, pullingher on top of him as he fell back onto the bed. “I love you too, Babs.”

C.C. rearranged herself to straddle his waist, laughing indelight as she leaned down to kiss him again.

“Now, that really is more like it…!”

#anon asks #the nanny #niles and cc #niles the butler #cc babcock #otp: always been bitter together #otp: butler bitch

[bae-b-8-imagines]

The Kissing Game - Poe Dameron x Reader

Author’s Note: Hello everybody! Here is another fic I wrote based off of this game that us exchange students play at parties. It’s a little weird and I am not sure how I feel about it, but I thought I would post it any way. Stay Gold!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,600+

You bit your bottom lip and looked at the person you had just finished making out with. One more planet off your list. There was a game that had been traveling around base everyone tried to participate in. It most often occurred when everyone was partying and a little bit drunk after a job well done.

The rules were simple:

1. Kiss somebody

2. You gain their Planet.

3. No repeats.

4. Whoever gets the most wins.

It was a fun way to get to know people on base, and keep track of where people were from. But you were a very competitive person. One of your close friends, Jessika had made a bet with you. The both of you wanted to see who could collect the most planets. And right now? You were winning.

—-

“It’s just that now that everyone knows the bet we made nobody wants to help out.” Jessika whined.

You smirked and looked at her from across the table, “I don’t seem to be having any problems.”

She looked above your head at someone passing behind you. You looked over your shoulder to see it was probably the only person other than General Organa that you hadn’t made out with while drunk. Poe Dameron. And if you had had it your way you would’ve given up the whole game just to be able to kiss him.

You turned around and sighed while pouring your powder into a tray of water, stirring it to create the small roll you would be eating with your soup.

Jessika raised her eyebrow, “No problems? I’ve already got Yavin IV, so looks like I’m ahead of you in at least one area.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You scoffed, trying to make it seem like you didn’t care.

She gave a sympathetic look, “Hey we’re having a party tonight cause we haven’t had anything to celebrate recently. Maybe you’ll get him there.”

You shrugged your shoulders, all you could do was hope.

—-

That evening you were nervous. You had never felt that way before a party like this. It was always excitement. You knew you looked good, you knew someone would want to kiss you that night, but you didn’t want just anyone to kiss you tonight. And you wanted to make sure that he knew it wasn’t just for the stupid game you and Jessika were playing. Instead of your normal attire, you decided to dress a bit more modestly. You didn’t want all the attention tonight.

When you walked into the bar room people were already drunk. Jessika ran up to you and threw her arm around your shoulder.

“Y/N! You - you’re finally here.” She slurred, you could smell the drink that was on her lips.

You nodded in response. Your brain was too occupied trying to find Poe. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be found. That was odd, normally he loved coming to events like these, it took everyone’s mind off of the war right outside. He was the life of the party, he made sure everyone was having a good time.

“Have you seen Poe?” You asked without looking at your friend.

She stumbled back a little bit, luckily not far because she fell into another pilot who was on a different Squadron. The drink she was holding spilled a little bit over her hand, and as if she had just remembered it was there she took a huge gulp from the cup.

“POE? No, I don’t think he ever arrived. Don’t worry about him though, come PARTY!” She threw her hands up in the air and swayed her hips slightly to the music.

You knew that it may have been stupid to leave the party just for him, but you wanted to make sure that he was ok. Poe and you had been friends since the beginning. You had had feelings for him since then as well, you thought he didn’t feel the same way so you never acted on said feelings. And while maybe yeah you did want to have a fun time tonight, you also knew you should go check on your friend.

“I’m gonna go Jessika,” You said and then turned to the pilot standing behind her, “Keep an eye on her?”

He nodded. You turned around and left the bar, relieved to have a breath of some fresh air. The base was quiet, everyone was at the party, which meant the once busy hallways were now empty, lights dimmed, and the only sound was distant music from the room you had just left. As you turned the corner toward the dormitories you stopped as you heard talking. At first you couldn’t make out who it was, and then you realised it was Poe and the General.

“You never really know how another person feels unless you ask them.” She stated.

“I know, but with this game that’s been going on it just seems like I would be another planet off her list. It wouldn’t mean anything to her, and she would never know that that kiss would mean everything to me.” Poe responded.

What game? Who was he talking about? Jessika, you, another girl playing along? The whole base was in on it so there was no way of really knowing.

Leia cut in, “Have you ever thought maybe she feels the same way? I know you don’t mean to, but you have done your fair share of flirting with other people here on base. Maybe that’s why nothing has happened between you two. She’s too scared to approach you, and you’re too scared to approach her.”

No response.

“Alright, well I should make an appearance, even if you decide not to. Sleep well Poe, and tell BB-8 that I said hello.” You heard her footsteps nearing you.

You didn’t know what you should do to get away, you didn’t want to be caught listening in on their, very much personal, conversation. There was a potted plant at the corner of the room quickly you ran behind it and hid, hoping not to be found by the General. Just to your luck she noticed. Why did she always have to notice?

“Y/N? Is that you behind the plant?” She asked with an amused grin on her face.

You quietly stepped out from behind the pot. You played with the watch on your wrist and looked down at your shoes not wanting to admit to anything.

“What were you doing back there, shouldn’t you be at the party?” She questioned.

You looked up, “I’m actually feeling a bit tired tonight, and- and I was worried about Poe. He’s not there and I wanted to come check up on him.”

She nodded her head in a knowing way. A way that reminded you of your mother when you were a young girl. It brought a type of warmth into your heart to remember that.

“Well I just finished talking to him. He’s in his quarters, you should go talk to him.” She stated, a gleam in her eye that you couldn’t quite describe.

You slowly started to make your way back over to the hallway, but were interrupted by the General one last time.

“Oh, and Y/N. Be honest about your feelings with him.” She whispered.

You blushed slightly and made your way to his door. You knocked quietly, and before you knew it Poe was standing there in his sleepwear. He looked exhausted and a bit down trodden. Nothing unfamiliar to Resistance fighters, but definitely something you didn’t see often in Poe.

“Y/N, shouldn’t you be at the party?” He asked rubbing his face.

You didn’t want to explain yourself again so you were very direct with your answer, skipping out on nothing.

“Poe. I was worried about you. I didn’t want to go to the party because I am done with the stupid Kissing Game. I don’t want to kiss one more person unless it’s you. And before you say anything no it’s not just because I would win if I finally kissed someone from Yavin IV. It’s because I love you. I have loved you since I first joined the resistance. I haven’t wanted anyone else but you since then. And any of those other guys I kissed were just drunken nonsense. I love you, and I heard you talking with General Organa just now. You were talking about some girl, and if it’s not me that’s ok, but I just need you to know that I. Love. You.” You rushed.

Poe stood there speechless. Nothing came out of his mouth for what seemed like forever. WIth each passing second your cheeks turned a darker shade of red. You felt so vulnerable, and didn’t know what to do. You had just expressed every emotion you felt toward this man, and he had the nerve to not respond. Before you knew it there were tears welling up in your eyes. Your mind was racing a mile a minute and of every possible scenario that you thought could come from saying that, this was by far the worst.

“Ok.” You whispered looking down at the ground so he wouldn’t see your tears falling, “I understand. I guess I’ll see you in the hangar tomorrow.”

Just as you began to turn Poe grabbed your wrist.

“Y/N wait.” He said quietly.

As you turned your head up he left a small kiss along your lips. Your hands were intertwined and it was gentle. Pure. Soft. But it spoke words. It was a kiss that said I love you too. One that reciprocated all of the feelings you had let out. One that asked you to stay.

And you did.

#poe dameron #poe x reader #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe x you #star wars #fanfiction

[nominalbutler]

modern bar au pt. 2

Here it is, the second installment of the modern bar AU, which I am tentatively titling The Windup. The first part began as a drabble for a prompt request thing that I did, and it can be read here. Thanks to everyone who read the first part and voiced their interest in a continuation; I hope you enjoy. 

...

It was another week and a half before Sebastian was actually able to talk to Ciel. The night the young man came in from the cold, face ruddy and fingers frozen, the three-man staff had suddenly found themselves swamped with work; a crowd of students celebrating someone’s 21st birthday with a pub crawl had stumbled their way over the threshold as soon as Ciel hung up Sebastian’s coat and finished washing his hands.

Bard was busy working the fryers in the back, cooking buffalo wings and loaded waffle fries and potato skins, and Sebastian was slammed with clambering kids at the bar, all pushing one another to order the most expensive or risque drinks. When he wasn’t helping Bard with the dishes, Ciel was scurrying back and forth from the kitchen to the tables, delivering plates of steaming, greasy food and refilling water glasses and iced teas for the ones that needed to take a small reprieve from drinking. One of the boys in the group ended up calling Ciel a faggot when he accidentally gave him a plate of nachos that the person across from him had ordered, and Ciel was sorely tempted to hit him upside the head with his serving tray. It took everything in him not to; he would never hear the end of it from his father. He brushed it off, shooting the frat boy a cold glance and a snarky comment in response, but it was plain to see the derogatory comment landed Ciel in a sour mood the rest of the night. He couldn’t even enjoy the large tip the rude boy’s girlfriend had insisted he leave as a means of recompense for his shitty attitude. It was uncomfortably quiet as the small staff cleaned up the bar after last call, and Sebastian did not think it was the best time to strike up a conversation.

The rest was just bad timing. When Sebastian was scheduled to work, Ciel had the night off. When it was Sebastian’s day off, Ciel had to work. If he had bothered to check, the debonair bartender would not have been so disheartened when he clocked in and found only Mey-Rin or Bard or someone else behind the counter the next few days. So he waited patiently and expectantly for Thursday to come around again, the day that his and Ciel’s name both appeared on the schedule.

He found himself checking his hair and his teeth in the rear-view mirror of his car before he clocked in on the prescribed date, and had to mentally chide himself for being so vain. To try and impress Ciel now was pointless. He had seen Sebastian in all manner of states before; clean-scrubbed and freshly dressed, creases sharp and hair styled, as well as disheveled, hungover, and craving the sweet release of death at three in the afternoon. It really wasn’t important how he dressed. When he turned the charm on, there wasn’t anybody Sebastian couldn’t snag. There was only an hour overlap between their shifts, with Ciel opening and Sebastian closing, but it was all the time he needed. He guided his hand through his hair once for good measure and headed towards the bar.

“Hey, Sebastian.” Bard grumbled a perfunctory greeting as Sebastian strolled through the back door, dumping an order of wings into the fryer and carefully dropping it into the crackling oil. Sebastian greeted him with a nod and went to hang his coat up on the hook, taking one deep inhale before sliding it off his shoulders; the lingering smell of Ciel’s cigarette smoke had faded quicker than he had liked.

“How’d your daughter’s birthday party go?”

“Great,” Bard said, suddenly breaking into a wide smile. His daughter, recently turned six, was the light of his life, and his favorite subject of conversation. It was so endearing to listen to him, and Sebastian was perfectly happy wasting the last few minutes before the start of his shift hearing about Bard’s techniques for wrangling small children hopped up on birthday party jitters and cookie cake. There was no reason to rush up front; Sebastian knew Ciel would still be there when he clocked in.

Except that he wasn’t. Instead of a pair of brooding azure eyes and pale lithe limbs, Sebastian was met with an uneven smile and a head of long, unnaturally red hair.

“Sebastian!” Grell sang a melodic, yet terribly off-key greeting. “Great, now that you’re here, I can leave.”

“Hold up,” Sebastian held up a hand, blocking Grell from escaping from behind the bar. “What are you doing here? Isn’t Ciel supposed to be working right now?”

“Yeah, supposed to be. But he’s not, so I have to cover for him. But since you’re here,” she chirped affectionately, “I can leave now.”

“Technically, that opening shift lasts another hour. And since when do you cover for people?” Sebastian asked indignantly. “If I had known that, I would’ve called you in last month when Bard was out of town and it felt like I had the fucking plague.” Grell’s nominal position as a manager had her in only a couple of times a week to collect the deposits, evaluate the stock, place orders for more alcohol and bar food, and make sure they were keeping up with their bills.

“I got a call from Vincent this morning,” the redhead explained, “asking me to cover his son’s shift! Can you believe that shit?”

“What?” Sebastian blanched. “Why?”

Grell waved a hand and shrugged, “I don’t know.” Gathering her purse from under the bar, the manager tried once again to sidle past Sebastian and head towards the exit. And once again, she found herself trapped by the bartender’s tall, agile frame.

“I find that hard to believe,” he said. “You’re the nosiest woman I know. Come on,” Sebastian coaxed, “sit for an hour, have a drink with me and let’s gossip. It’s been too long since you and I talked, hasn’t it?” He slyly reached out and grabbed the strap of Grell’s purse, sliding it seductively off her shoulder and setting it on the bar.

The excitable manager squealed, “Oh, alright. You know I can’t say no to you.”

It was a slow Thursday evening, and Sebastian gave Mey-Rin the nod that told her to hold down the bar while he talked with Grell. Mey-Rin, friendly as could be, nodded happily and pranced behind the counter, wiping down the polished surface with a fresh rag. Sebastian poured himself a drink, a diluted whiskey and Coke since he would have to return to work after this, and whipped up some strong fruity mixer for Grell to sip on. They settled in at the corner end of the bar, underneath a TV that was rolling a muted reel of highlights from earlier in the week, athletes running and jumping to the silent cheers from the crowds. Technically the bar didn’t allow smoking inside, but Grell lit up anyway, offering her pack to Sebastian in a polite but superficial gesture. He surprised her by taking one of the proffered American Spirits and lighting it with a Bic from his pocket.

“Since when did you start smoking again? Don’t tell me it’s ‘cause of that Ciel kid. Boy smokes like a fucking chimney I hear…”

Sebastian scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous,” and exhaled a weak trail of smoke. “Some habits are just harder to kick than others.”

Grell smirked and took a drag. “Whatever you say, Sebby.”

Rinsing his mouth of the first few drags with his drink, Sebastian cleared his throat and began pushing the conversation towards what he wanted to hear. He was eager to learn what had happened to Ciel. Even if it was nothing serious, he couldn’t just let it go. Not after he had spent the past week nearly obsessing over him, patiently waiting for a chance to see him again. “So, tell me about earlier. Vincent called you?”

“He did!” Grell said as she practically swallowed her drink in one gulp. “At the house, too, the nerve of him… Woke William up from his nap – he’s been working so hard lately, the graveyard shift really takes it out of him. Two whole years he’s been working for that museum and they still treat him like some replaceable rent-a-cop or some shit. He should be head of security by now, I tell you what…” It took some work, lots of redirecting and steering Grell back towards the relevant topic, but eventually Sebastian was able to piece together almost the whole story. As he did, the weight in his stomach grew, like someone had dumped a metric ton of gravel in his gut; cold, heavy, grating.

Ciel had been in a car crash. Whether he spun out on a patch of black ice, or somebody else had was unclear; all Sebastian knew was that the cute little server ended up getting T-boned by a Chevy Tahoe and rushed to the emergency room late last night. He knew that Ciel was alive and breathing on his own, though he wasn’t sure if he was fully conscious or in need of any surgery. Sebastian also knew that he couldn’t just hop in his car and drive to the hospital to see him like he suddenly found himself wanting to do. How weird would that be? He’d probably freak Ciel out if he showed up right now.

So he finished his drink, smoked another cigarette with Grell, pretended to engage in friendly banter and gossip until he could no longer play along. He didn’t quite care what the manager did now that he had gotten what he wanted from her, and he had become so clearly preoccupied with what he heard that the redhead took the opportunity to slither out of the bar with a waggle of her fingers and a comical, exaggerated “Toodleoo!”

The rest of the night was a literal blur, a dissociated haze. Sebastian found himself daydreaming, passing the hours behind the bar fantasizing about what it would be like to curl up beside the young man’s banged up body in the hospital bed, hard plastic railings along the sides of the mattress confining them together in a warm embrace. He glossed over the tangle of IV tubes and wires he would inevitably get caught up in; ignored the bag of piss that was likely attached to the edge of the bedframe and connected to Ciel by the long thin tube shoved up his urethra. He didn’t think about Ciel’s dad, his boss, sitting in a corner, one leg crossed over the other, reading a magazine as his son’s monitors beeped steadily.

He thought about holding Ciel’s small hand, thumb stroking back and forth along the boy’s parched skin, sucked dry by the warm recycled hospital air being blasted through the vents. He thought about running his fingers through that cute little bobbed mop of hair, dyed blue like the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean. He thought about draping an arm over Ciel’s waist, curling up beside him, face tucked in the crook of his neck, listening to the breath draw in and out of his lungs. He didn’t think about fucking him; he just wanted to hold him.

The cold, bitter breeze outside rattled Sebastian’s bones when he stepped outside at the end of the night and realized he had forgotten his coat. The last few hours of his shift had been completely lost to him in his distracted state. Sebastian supposed he did what he always did: made drinks, chatted with the regulars, counted the drawer, cleaned up and closed with Mey-Rin and Finny, who had replaced Bard not long after Grell’s departure. He just couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t stop worrying about Ciel.

Again, he had to scold himself for being so silly. There was nothing he could do for the young man. He was already taken care of, safely nestled in the care of those who actually knew how to help him. Sebastian clicked his tongue against his teeth, shook his head at his own foolishness as he headed back inside and discovered that he had completely forgotten to lock the front door of the bar. Retrieving his coat from the back, Sebastian realized the acrid tobacco smoke smell was coming from him, his own fingertips and his hair; it was not the meager essence of Ciel clinging to the fabric of his jacket, lingering around to keep him company as he pulled the collar up to his chin to deter the cold from sneaking down the front of his shirt.

Driving home on autopilot, Sebastian tried to piece together what he knew about Ciel. It wasn’t much. Aside from physical characteristics and some idiosyncratic mannerisms, he knew next to nothing about his boss’s son. Quiet, thin, and short, Sebastian could barely hazard a guess at how old Ciel really was – he barely looked legal, but he had to be if he worked at the bar. Sebastian knew he was a part-time student at the local university, but he couldn’t say what he was studying. He knew the Phantomhives were a wealthy family, but Sebastian could not parse out the nature of Ciel’s relationship with them, whether it was good or bad, whether or not there was a mother or other siblings in the picture.

Small talk and conversation were not the young man’s strong suits, but it did not dissuade Sebastian in the slightest. He found himself infinitely infatuated with the kid. It twisted his stomach up into knots to think about him lying in a hospital bed somewhere, not knowing whether or not he was okay, not knowing if or when he would get to see him again. For all he knew, the opportunity to talk to Ciel, to get to know him, to be more than a coworker to him, could have slipped right through his fingers, and Sebastian would never be able to forgive himself.

#i never know whether or not to stick this under a read more or not #like its not terribly long but i know some people may not be interested #i'll hopefully upload this all to ao3 once i get the third installment done #fic #j writes

[juanandonly0427-blog]

My favorite lyrics from New School Rap Artists.

So I run a radio show at my college with one a co-host named C-Bo called “Chillin with C-Bo”. I started out as a guest on the show, but I soon became something more. Now C-Bo is leaving the country for a while, so it’s up to me to run the show.

If you ever wanna listen, I’m on from 11:30 AM- 2:30 Pm EST, on Tuesdays. I’ll provide a link to the online site below.

But enough self promotion! 

One thing I promised C-Bo was that I would stick to his style of music for the show to maintain consistency, as well as sprinkle a little bit of my own flavor. 

The problem, however, was I wasn’t into the type of music C-Bo was into; New School Rap. I have been hesitant to dive into this genre because I was afraid that it would ruin the flavor of rap and hip hop I had acquired from before 2010 (you know, your basic nostalgia).

But As I began to really listen to artists like Chance the Rapper, Logic, Childish Gambino, and Kendrick Lamar, I fell in love. But not with the beat, or the tempo, or even the voices/flow of the artists. I fell in love with the lyrics. What I love most about rap and hip-hop is that it gives artists a chance to formulate great lyrical content. Other genres of music have become so cheesy and typical with the words, that it gets to the point where they all sound the same.

But in rap, each song is so different.

Nas wrote a song from the point of view of a gun.

Eminem wrote a song about a crazed fan that lost his mind trying to get his attention.

NWA created songs that helped bring a spark into the souls of Compton residents, making them feel like they aren’t all the criminals and gang-bangers everyone sees them as.

Hell, Mackelmore wrote a song about how to shop at a thrift shop!

Today’s modern day rap has taken a bit of a blow in terms of lyrical content, however.

With so many songs about money, drinking, smoking, making money, cursing out the police, and gang banging,  along with the rise of Mumble rap and songs that are just repeating the same 3 lines over and over to a loud beat, it’s hard to find good, thought provoking lyrics in today’s rap.

Luckily, I found a few.

If you wanna know what songs these lyrics came from, they’ll be in Parenthesis at the end of each one. 

So here are some of my favorite lyrics from some of today’s New School Rap Artists;

Kendrick Lamar

“I can dig rapping... but a rapper with a ghost writer; what the fuck happened? (Oh no!) I swore I wouldn't tell! But most of you share bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell! (A two man cell?) Something's in the water.(Something's in the water) And if I got a brown nose for some gold, then I'd rather be a bum than a motherfuckin' baller!” (King Kunta)

“I'm so fucking sick and tired of the Photoshop. Show me something natural like afro on Richard Pryor. Show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks.” (HUMBLE)

“I know murder, conviction, burners, boosters, burglars, ballers, dead, redemption, scholars, fathers dead with kids,  and I wish I was fed forgiveness Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, soldier's DNA.” (DNA)

“I done been through a whole lot; trials and tribulations, but I know God! Satan wanna put me in a bow-tie, praying that the holy water don't go dry, yeah yeah! As I look around me, so many motherfuckers wanna down me! But enemigo never drown! In front of a dirty double-mirror, they found me. And, I love myself!” (i)

“If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?” (Poetic Justice ft. Drake)

“Everybody gon' respect the shooter, but the one in front of the gun lives forever” (Money Trees)

“Seen a light-skinned n***a with his brains blown out. At the same burger stand, where *censored* hang out. Now this is not a tape recorder saying that he did it. But ever since that day, I was looking at him different. That was back when I was nine. Joey packed the nine. Pack to stand on every porch is fine. We adapt to crime...” (m.A.A.d. city)

“’Okay... Now open your mind up and listen to me, Kendrick! I'm in your conscience, if you do not hear me, then you will be history, Kendrick! I know that you're nauseous right now, and I'm hopin' to lead you to victory, Kendrick!’ If I take another one down, I'm a drown in some poison abusin' my limit” (Swimming Pools [Drank])

Logic

“Not perceived by the things I believe or the color of my skin, or the fact I'm attracted to her, maybe him, or the fact I'm a single mother living all alone, looking for a man and a home to call my own. But I already have one; the only man I'ma ever need is my son, my son, my son, my son, son, say!” (Black SpiderMan)

“All this other shit I'm talkin' 'bout they think they know it. I've been praying for somebody to save me, no one's heroic. And my life don't even matter. I know it I know it, I know I'm hurting deep down but can't show it. I never had a place to call my own, I never had a home. Ain't nobody callin' my phone. Where you been? Where you at? What's on your mind? They say every life precious, but nobody care about mine.” (1-800-273-8255)

“Everybody gonna die, gonna go one day, maybe it'll happen on a Monday. Drop into work and get hit by a Hyundai, fuck it, let it all go one day” (Fade Away)

“Man, I never knew livin' out a dream meant livin' out a suitcase! I've been working at a new pace! So much money on the road, I ain't even had a minute, not a single second chilling in my new place! Motherfuckers getting two-faced! ‘Cause a brother finally eating, not to mention everybody gettin' two plates!” (Run it)

“Masta deep down inside of me, the plantation deep down inside of me. Everybody fuck like sodomy, because one or the other what it gotta be. Tell me, why my momma gotta lie to me, unity for everyone that lied to me. Peace on earth, what I try to be; I just wanna spread the message of equality” (Take It Back)

“I been knockin doors down like a Jehovah witness, God as my witness, I'm with this, but on the real I think I need another witness!” (Everybody)

Drake

“You know the truth, this not pretend, I'm not your friend, not your guy, I'm not your buddy, show no lovin', and I might go DeMarcus Cousins; out in public!” (6 Man)

“Please, check 'em for a wire or earpiece. Please, please do not let these n***as near me. Please, think before you come for the great one. Please, who's a real n***a and who ain't one? Please.” (Back to Back)

“Oh, Lord! Who else sounded like this? They ain't make me what I am, they just found me like this, I was ready. Fuck that, I've been ready, since my dad used to tell me he was comin' to the house to get me. He ain't show. Valuable lesson, man, I had to grow up! That's why I never ask for help; I'll do it for you n***as and do it for myself!” (0-100/The Catch Up)

“I done kept it real from the jump. Living at my mama's house we'd argue every mornin' n***a, I was trying to get it on my own; working all night, traffic on the way home, and my uncle calling me like, ‘Where ya at?’ I gave you the keys told ya bring it right back, N***a.” (Started from the Bottom)

Chance the Rapper

“Man my daughter couldn't have a better mother. If she ever find another, he better love her! Man I swear my life is perfect, I could merch it! If I die I'll prolly cry at my own service...” (All We Got)

“JJ, Mikey, Lil Derek and them, 79th street was America then. Ice cream truck and the beauty supply, blockbuster movies and Harold's again. We still catching lightening bugs when the plague hit the backyard. Had to come in at dark cause the big shawty's act hard.” (Summer Friends)

“Jesus black life ain't matter, I know I talked to his daddy, said you the man of the house now, look out for your family.” (Blessings)

“Damn man, I don't even need a radio, and my new shit sound like a rodeo Got the old folks dancing the Do-si-do, so they fuck around, sign me to OVO. Oh, I just might share my next one with Keef, got the industry in disbelief, they be asking for beef!” (Angels)

“Way back then when everything we read was real, and everything we said rhymed. Wide eyed kids being kids. When did you stop? What did you do to your hair? Where did you go to end up right back here? When did you start to forget how to fly?” (Same Drugs)

“Hope there never come a day where we be better as friends. We in a marathon we could build a marriage on. Arguments as parents digging deeper than a baritone. I've been getting blocked just trying to make songs with friends, labels told me to my face that they own my friends.” (Finish Line/Drown)

Childish Gambino

“I got more tail than that PetCo, you faker than some Sweet'N Low. Yeah, you got some silverware, but really are you eating though? Are you eating though? N***a, are you eating though? Breakfast, lunch and dinner's for beginners, you ain't even know.” (IV. Sweatpants)

“All I do is make the stuff I would've liked, reference things I wanna watch, reference girls I wanna bite, now I'm firefly like a burning kite. And you's a fake fuck like a fleshlight” (Fire Fly)

“Can we hear the N-word one day and not get upset? Can we try something new and not be suspect?” (You See Me)

“My shit be Jackson, Jordan, Bolton, Keaton, Tyson: 5 Mikes. Donald Glover, no relation, always workin', no vacation. They couldn't feel me, no vacation. Murder versus the only motive was motivation...” (Bonfire)

“Got no patience, cause I'm not a doctor. Girl why is you lying, girl why you Mufasa? Yeah, mi casa su casa, gotta strip it like Gaza. Got so high off volcanoes, now the flow is so lava.” (3005)

So, that’s my list. I might have left out some better verses by theses artists, as well as some better artists. That’s mainly cuz these are the only new school rappers i’ve been hearing as of late. If you got any suggestions of artists/songs, please lmk!!! Thanks for reading!!!

#new school rap #rap #hiphop #childish gambino #chance the rapper #logic #kendrick lamar #drake #0-100 #swimming pools #sweatpants #same drugs #black spiderman #music #lyrics #donald glover

[inkognito97]

Youngster IV

Sequel to 'Youngster III' 

Summary: A Sith Knight has to face his greatest challenge as of yet... an annoying former Padawan...

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s voice sounded strained with a warning undertone to it and usually it would have been a clue for the blonde Jedi Knight to back off, but he ignored it. Obi-Wan was not his Master anymore and he was not a Padawan anymore, Anakin reminded himself firmly, in hope of finding more courage.

“With all due respect Obi-Wan,” he forced himself not to say ‘Master’, “you have no right to give this order!”

“And why is that?” his calm attitude usually helped Anakin to calm down his temper as well, but right now it only fuelled his anger.

“Because you don’t understand anything! How could you? You were raised in that pretty Jedi temple of yours, you don’t know what it means to suffer and to fight for your own survival like that.”

“Careful,” something in Obi-Wan’s tone sent a shiver down the younger male’s spine and he felt the hair on his arms stand up. He was not the only one, who had caught on to the changed mood in the usually serene man. His Padawan had also taken a step back. “Be very careful of what you say now Anakin.”

“You are not my Master anymore and if you cannot take critique than this is not my problem,” he was getting louder with every spoken word. “You are just so full of yourself and the Code and the Order. You don’t even know how certain parts of the galaxy work, do you? You don’t understand anything; you are just an ignorant...” “Enough!” Anakin and Ahsoka flinched at the raised voice, Obi-Wan was not somebody to yell. In fact the blonde had never heard him yell before, only when he was shouting commands over the sounds of a raging battlefield, but that was of course something entirely different. “It is you, who is too arrogant to see farther than his own nose. And telling me I don’t understand,” he huffed and shook his head and Anakin could have sworn that his blue-green eyes had a yellow tint to them, “I understand better than you think, probably even better than yourself. So, don’t speak about things you can’t comprehend boy, especially not if you cannot see far enough. What do you think would happen if we interfered now, huh?”

So it was back to ‘boy’ now, wasn’t it? “Well,” the older man did not let him finish.

“We’d ruin the whole planet, probably the whole system and do you know why?” his voice was getting louder and louder, it even caused the clones to pay attention, “Because this fucking system depends on slavery! If we take that away, we can just as well kill them all now, it would actually be a show of mercy. At least then they would have to starve or die of thirst. Have you any idea what a gruesome death that is? It is a long process, with pain and a lot of suffering along the way.”

Nobody spoke a word, the only sound was Obi-Wan’s harsh panting, from his previous outburst. Nobody, neither the clones nor Ahsoka or Anakin had ever heard Obi-Wan swear, let alone lose his famous cool. Gone was the great and wise Council member, the Negotiator, and in his place stood just a normal man. The Jedi Master cast a last glance at his former Padawan, before he turned around with his fists clenched at his sides. This should have been the last hint for Anakin to drop the subject this very instant, but again he did not get it.

“Yet they would be free...” it was a poor argument, Anakin was aware of that, but he still uttered it out aloud.

“Freedom?!” the older male huffed mockingly, “Freedom is just an illusion, created to fool the weak minded. We are never truly free. We are always slaves of something or someone, be it emotions, an actual person or just the Force.”

“Master?” Ahsoka’s voice was shaky and it was clear that the Padawan was highly distressed. She was witnessing treason against the Code and the Order and they all knew what happened to those people. They had witnessed it enough times already. Traitors were imprisoned to never be seen again, or killed on the spot, without any of that so called ‘mercy’ the Jedi always pretended to have. Anakin had also seen Obi-Wan dealing with such a traitor. It didn’t need to be said that Pong Krell was barely alive after this. Back then Anakin had thought his Master had acted so harsh and violent, because Krell had threatened them all.

Now it was the blonde’s turn to scoff. “Please,” he stepped closer to his former Master’s tense form. He had forgotten all the previous carefulness, “that’s not slavery. You wouldn’t even recognize slavery when it spat right into your face.”

A low chuckle escaped the shorter man, but it lacked all humour and warmth, “As always you are absolutely right.” He was slowly turning around again, chin held high in a mixture of defiance and pride. “I have no idea what it means to be a slave, at least not a slave as you were... I was just a dirty orphan boy no one cared about, fighting for my life and against any kind of abuse and that on a daily basis. But of course you – the great Chosen One that you are – are right, when you say that I do not know what it means to suffer.”

His eyes found the younger male’s again and all Anakin had to say to argue his point – despite his knowledge that it would do him no good against the Negotiator, especially since he was not in the right – died on his tongue. Instead of the usual warm and familiar blue-green eyes he had expected, Anakin was greeted by cold and calculating gold ones. They did not have the same ugly tone those Sith had, but the shift in the Force was undeniable. Obi-Wan’s warm and bright presence, darkened. It did not vanish completely, but it certainly was dimmed quite a lot. Something else caught the blonde’s attention and it were the marks that were slowly appearing on the older male’s face. He had never seen anything like this ever before. Neither have the clones and Ahsoka, who either tightened their grip on their weapons or took a large step back.

“In reality YOU are the one who does not know the true meaning of suffering. For you the world is just black and white, good and evil, Jedi and Sith. Newsflash,” his voice was quivering and the young Skywalker was not sure if it was from his anger or from something else, “there IS no such thing as true segregation. All people are good, as well as evil. The difference is, that some people are better to hide their darker sides than others. You of all people should know this.” The last part was barely more than a hiss and it left the young Knight wondering, how much his former Master truly knew about him.

“Who are you?”

Obi-Wan huffed and shook his head, “After all these years... and you are still asking the wrong questions. It’s as if you still were a mere Padawan.”

Anakin clenched his hands into fists, he was aware of his own Padawan, who bravely stepped forward and grabbed his arm in a death grip. She was just as confused as he was, as they all were. “What are you?”

The deep golden eyes seemed ablaze suddenly. “I am a Sith Knight. A true Sith, not one of those monsters. I am just a Sith in Jedi disguise, always have been.”

A sudden realisation ran through the young Jedi. It was not the fact that the man he had thought he knew everything about, was something different, it was not the fact that the great epitome of a perfect Jedi Master was in truth a Sith Knight, it was not the fact that Obi-Wan had experienced so many painful things on his own, that was bothering Anakin. It was the fact that Obi-Wan never really cared about him. He would have told him otherwise. Or perhaps not. His former Master was a Sith. Sith did not love, Sith did not care for anybody but themselves. Obi-Wan certainly would not care about Anakin. Why should he? Obi-Wan had always denied the fact that he, Anakin, was the Chosen One. Why else should somebody show any interest in him? Even the Jedi Order only cared about him, because he apparently was the child of the prophecy.

For years Anakin had believed that Obi-Wan stood above such trivial thoughts. He had truly believed that the ginger haired man cared about him, loved him even. But apparently he had been wrong, like so often in his miserable life. What good was he? His mother had not talked to him in months, she was too busy with her new family. Ahsoka saw him as her Master and mentor, even she rather spent her time with her friends. Obi-Wan and Padme had been the only constants in his life, but now even that turned out to be a lie.

“Master?” Ahsoka’s voice was unsure. It was only of little consolation that the young female was seeking protection from him.

“Go,” the young Skywalker surprised everyone with his steady and controlled voice.

“Excuse me?” the Sith asked with one eyebrow raised and arms stubbornly crossed before his chest.

“Go,” he repeated, “You are not my Master, you are no Jedi Knight and you are no General of the Republic. You have no place here.”

“And if I stay?” the challenge lacked the expected venom.

“Then I will make you a prisoner in the name of the Jedi Order AND the Republic.” Anakin held his head high. He had not expected his former Master to laugh.

“Is that so? And what do you expect will happen to you then, the former student of me? Do you truly think they will welcome you back with open arms?” He shook his head, “You will be an outcast, at best. Perhaps you will be banished... or executed. The great and forgiving Jedi Order is not so nice and peace-loving as soon as the dark side is concerned. Quite ironic really. Jedi with all their talk, forbid emotions and fear above all. Yet they fear the dark side...” he tilted his head and shrugged, but did not continue his trail of thoughts. Anakin had not wanted him to though. These were thoughts he himself had had too at certain points in his apprenticeship.

Anakin stepped back, dragging his Padawan with him. His hands found his head, which he was vigorously shaking in a mixture of denial and confusion. This was all too much in not enough time. The darkened Force aura around the older male did not help to clear his head and thoughts either. Perhaps when he had not provoked his former Master like he had done, then this whole mess could have been avoided. Then they would have returned to the temple, the three of them, just Ahsoka, Obi-Wan and him. They could have gone on with their normal life, but of course he had ruined it. There was no second chance and there never would be. He had – once again – ruined something great and precious in his life. Something he already missed dearly.

The Force was in uproar. Things were not going as it had planned. It had interfered, hoping to mend a rift that had not yet formed, hoping to keep a dark and bad future from happening by strengthening the bond between two individuals. Unfortunately it had just made things worse. That meant that the Force had to interfere a second time. Then again, often it had to become worse before it became better.

Both Jedi were in too much distress to pay any attention to the Force, as well as their surroundings. Fortunately for them, the present Sith did, which is why he felt the assassin – undoubtedly hired by Sidious to stop or kill the Jedi, who had more than once ruined his plans – approaching. Golden eyes widened when their owner realized who the target for the assassin attempt was. Years of friendship, companionship and love made him react.

“Anakin,” said Knight looked up at the panicked exclamation. What in the world could make a Sith sound so full of fear? Before his brain could comprehend what exactly was happening, his former Master had jumped forward. A shot sounded through the air and the next moment the form of Obi-Wan Kenobi laid on the ground, writhing in pain and holding his midsection. Anakin immediately knew what had happened as well as his ever loyal troops. He bellowed a command to them and ordered his Padawan to search for the medic and bring him here. Ahsoka immediately complied as well as the clones, who actually had already moved on their own, before the young Skywalker had even uttered a world.

The blonde stayed where he was. He knew that he was out of danger. The Force told him. That and he could feel the assassin retreating. Back into the hole he had come from. Anakin slowly crouched down and turned the wounded man around so that he was lying on his back.

“Obi-Wan?”

A pained groan escaped the older male’s lips, before he slightly opened one of his golden eyes to look into Anakin’s face. A shaky hand reached up and Anakin allowed the contact. A warm and trembling finger connected with his cheek and the open and worried expression turned relieved.

“You’re alright?” it was something between question and statement.

“Yes,” Anakin nodded. He had gathered the injured man in his arms. Obi-Wan moaned in pain at the movement and for a few moments, his shielding slipped. Immediately Anakin was greeted by worry and love and both was directed at him. The young Knight could barely believe it. Did Obi-Wan truly care for him, despite him being a Sith? Then again, why would he throw himself before Anakin to protect him from the assassination attempt if he didn’t? Perhaps the blonde had just overreacted? Perhaps Obi-Wan was truly not like those monsters they had encountered and sometimes even defeated? Perhaps Obi-Wan could still remain the much needed constant in his life?

“I’m glad,” the man was beginning to slur, which was not a good sign and neither was the blood that was quickly escaping the wound in his abdomen. Anakin silently cursed the medic. Why did it take so long for him to arrive?

“I’m sorry Master,” Anakin confessed.

“Whatever for?” the older male replied, but is eyes remained closed.

“For saying those terrible things to you. I allowed my emotions to control me... I should have given them to the Force instead of acting on them. I... I am sorry that I am not a better Jedi. I cannot even do something as easy as releasing my emotions.”

Obi-Wan hummed and he even opened his eyes. Anakin was aware of the effort it took the man to do so. “You’re special Anakin, you always have been.” He took a shaky breathe, “Perhaps I should have approached another attempt, another way. You are not someone to release emotions, it is not in your nature. Perhaps I should have taught you how to keep them in check, how to accept and control them, like I have been taught to do.” His body was starting to tremble from the blood loss, but at least the young Jedi Knight could feel Ahsoka returning and she was not alone.

“You still can, all you have to do, well, is not to die.” He was holding on to all the hope he could find in himself.

“Sounds easy enough,” there was Obi-Wan’s trademark smirk again, the sassy reply and the amused sparkle in his eyes that Anakin knew so well from his Padawan days. In this moment he knew that everything could be alright again. There were still a lot of questions between them that needed to be answered, but if the Force willed it, then they would have enough time to speak about everything else later.

Meanwhile Ahsoka and Kix had arrived.

It was too bright for the young Sith’s liking. It also hurt like hell. The latter told him that he was still very much alive. Not that he had doubted the will of the Force for one second, it was something Qui-Gon had taught him for years, even long after he had been knighted.

He took a few deep breathes and prepared himself mentally for the task ahead. When it was already so bright with his eyes closed, then it would be terrible and a lot worse when his eyes were open. So he slowly and little by little, opened first his right eyes just a slit and then his left eye. The light hurt, but the Force immediately came to his call and soothed the thudding inside his head.

Apparently the Force was not the only one, who had heard him calling, for a few seconds after he had opened his eyes fully, the door to his medical room opened. You could not really call this room a medical facility. It was just a normal room in which all kind of strange medical devices had been pushed that were supposed to help him, but still.

“Obi-Wan?” the hesitant voice of Anakin Skywalker sounded and a moment later the blonde peeked through the partly opened door.

“Come in young one,” the younger male did not need to be told twice. He quickly stepped in and closed the door behind him before making his way towards the sick bed. “Hello there,” Obi-Wan was feeling quite strange, but in a good way and he wondered what drugs and sedatives he was on.

An amused smile appeared on the younger male’s features. “How are you feeling Master?”

“Better than expected actually,” he answered truthfully. No need to lie now.

They stayed a few minutes in comfortable silence, both adults following their own private thoughts. It was clear to the Sith that his young companion desperately wanted to ask his questions, but he waited patiently for Anakin to figure out what to ask first and what could wait until later. After a moment Anakin sat down on the hard bed, close to Obi-Wan’s torso.

Eventually the young Skywalker opened his mouth, “Why did you not train me in the arts of the Sith?”

A tired and pained expression appeared on Obi-Wan’s features. “When we first met... I remember you telling me about your dream. You wanted to travel every single star in the universe and you wanted to do so as a Jedi. I did not train you as a Sith, because I did not want to take your dream from you.” Something heavy formed in Anakin’s stomach at those words. This conversation was not going the way he had imagined.

“Why... no, I mean,” Anakin himself was not sure what he meant. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t know WHAT to ask. Everything was just so fuzzy right now.

Obi-Wan however seemed to know exactly what his young companion wanted to hear. “I know what it feels like to have lost anything, to have nothing, just one single dream that keeps you company. A single dream, the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel, is enough. It was the only thing that kept me alive, it was what gave me hope.”

“How?”

“I was once an orphan, Anakin. I had nothing. No parents or siblings and no other relatives. I had no place to stay, no shelter from the weather or from the temperature. I was alone, always hungry and thirsty. The only things I had were the clothes I was wearing and that dream in my head,” he huffed, “I was left on my own to wander the streets, with no one to take care of me, but myself. I have seen things a child should never see, I have experienced things you wouldn’t dream of. A lot of people become insane, but not I. I had that little hope and I held it dear to my heart.”

“What was it about, your dream I mean?” Anakin asked breathless. He had closer to his former Master’s head.

“It had not really been a dream, what I realized later. It had been a real vision, one I had always during one of the few nights I had found something akin to a roof over my head. It was raining and lightning bolts were dancing on the sky above my head, yet I had felt oddly at peace and eventually succumbed to sleep. In this world, this place to escape the harsh reality, I ‘dreamed’ of somebody who would come for me and take me with him, somebody who could love me and who would take care of me. I didn’t know who it was, not even what gender that person had or how the person looked, but I knew he or she would come and that was everything I needed. And eventually, it turned out to be true. That special somebody turned out to be a tall man with a wild mane as hair. I felt connected to him as soon as I saw him. It was as if we belonged together.” The ginger haired male stopped in his talking when a medical droid entered the room to check his vitals and to leave food and something to drink on the small table next to his bed. He didn’t touch the food, but the water was consumed greedily.

“What happened next?” Anakin asked after a short silence. He was completely captured by the story. Never before had Obi-Wan revealed something from his childhood and the young Jedi felt deeply moved to know that his former Master trusted him with such an important memory. Even the previous argument was completely forgotten at this point.

Obi-Wan looked at him and continued his small tale, “I knew that he was the one, who would save me, but I also knew that he was not ready yet. Nevertheless I tried to stay close to him. He was always nice and kind to me and he offered me food and other things when he spotted me. But he had somebody else with him. A young man, with black hair and the dark haired male betrayed him. My saviour had been betrayed, captured and tied up even and I not only feared for his life and wellbeing, but for our connection. I desperately wanted to help him, but something held me back. Much later I realized that it was the Force telling me to be patient. So I waited and I think HE knew that I was there. At some point I was able to get a hold of his weapon – a heavy lightsaber – and I immediately knew how it worked. I – unwillingly – fought the boy with the black hair and won, he died and I saved the man from my dreams. It was then that I felt that he was ready, truly ready, and he did take me under his wing then. He gave me everything I had ever hoped for, he gave me a place to stay, a home, but most importantly, he gave me a family and someone to love, something like a father even.”

“Qui-Gon,” Anakin whispered after Obi-Wan had ended his long speech. He was oddly moved by the story; to hear that his Master had experienced a fate even worse than his own, made him see Obi-Wan in a completely different light. “I am sorry Master...” he finally said, “...you must miss him terrible.”

“Yes, ever day.”

Anakin nodded, “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my mother like this. Knowing she was dead and wondering if I could have prevented it somehow.”

“Dead?” Obi-Wan asked aloud, but there was something in his tone, “Oh Anakin, Qui-Gon is not dead.”

“What? But the Council said-”

Suddenly Obi-Wan sat up straighter in the bed, all the pain seemingly forgotten. His eyes were beginning to turn golden again and something dark was forming on his right cheek. “I am well aware of the lies the Council has fed us! It was them, who faked his death and it was them, who captured him, only to hide him somewhere and keep him like a dog!”

Anakin jumped up from his position on the bed. He could feel the dark side vibrate around Obi-Wan and with fascination did he feel how the wound on the older male’s abdomen was healing itself. Apparently not everything the Jedi said about the dark side was right. Obviously it COULD heal.

“What do you mean by ‘they keep him like a dog’?”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” He only continued, when the blonde shook his head, “He was captured to be interrogated and to be examined.”

“Why?” Anakin asked breathless.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and for a short moment he closed his eyes. “I... You know that I killed that Sith on Naboo, don’t you?” Anakin nodded, of course he knew, everybody in the Order knew that story. “Well, apparently the Council was quite bothered by the fact that I – a mere Padawan – was able to defeat him single handed. Qui-Gon had written the mission report and he made the mistake on saying that I HAD to face him alone, because we were separated. The Council apparently was not very pleased to hear that. I should mention that the Sith trials ask of you to slay your opponent in the Force and you have to do so alone. Well, it was... a few months after I took you as my Padawan learner when they apparently came to the decision that something was wrong with the report or at least with me. One evening they requested my presence in their Chamber and of course I followed. I had not expected to be met by the Guardians as well as ALL Council members and their hostile aura. They took me in custody that evening without any explanation except that they feared that I had succumbed to the dark side. The put me into one of those Force suppressing cells, for hours, and I was so frightened. I knew that they were about to scan me and that I had no way of escape.”

“What happened next?” Anakin had not realized it, but he was tightly gripping the sheets of the bed. So tight in fact, that his knuckles were turning wide. Without hesitation, Obi-Wan took his former student’s hands in his own.

“They searched my mind – not everything, I was able to protect at least SOME parts of my being – and they found darkness. At this point they were deciding what was to happen with me. Qui-Gon had figured out what was going on as well and he had rushed into the Council Chamber. He,” Obi-Wan cleared his throat. It was obvious that this part of the story was deeply bothering the ginger haired man. “He told them that the darkness the Council had found... was his. He revealed his true nature, his Sith nature and of course the Council immediately believed his lies. They had searched his mind then and there as well, without any preparations, they violated him. But Qui-Gon was still able to form a lie in his mind that they did not identify as such. Perhaps you should know that the Council had kidnapped me when I was still young. They were aware of my Sith nature. However, my former Master was able to convince the Jedi that he was desperately trying to find that dark spark in me to ignite the flame inside of me. They truly believed that Qui-Gon was the evil Sith and that he just tried to pull me down with him. In the end I was spared and Qui-Gon was treated like a dirty criminal.”

“The mind search... was it how it is always described?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Yes. They sedate you and tie you down. You cannot move, you cannot escape. It’s terrible. They are strangers and... and they are invading your mind, against your consent. They do not care about your wellbeing and if you block them, they will push their way inside. The pain is almost unbearable. I cannot imagine how it had to be for Qui-Gon. He was not sedated... it must have been unbearable. And he went through all of this to protect me...” Anakin squeezed the other’s hand tightly in a sign of comfort. A small smile appeared on bearded features, Obi-Wan’s eyes were warm and open when they met Anakin’s.

“You know, sometimes I wish I WAS like those monsters we are fighting. Then I would not be so strongly bothered by it. Or perhaps I would be touched even more, I am not sure. I think I would want revenge... and Master Dooku would want to.”

“Dooku?” his eyebrows were furrowed.

“Yes, Dooku cares deeply about Qui-Gon and me... and even you and Ahsoka. You are of his line after all.”

“Oh?” Anakin doubted that.

“He didn’t mean to cut off your arm young one. But he somehow had to make sure that his disguise was still in place. Believe me, if he had truly meant us harm, then we’d be either dead or severely handicapped now.”

Anakin swallowed heavily and nodded. He distantly remembered Dooku from his early days as a Padawan. The man had always seemed so distant and proud and sometimes even arrogant. But there had also been those rare and special moments when he had actually seemed human.

“And Qui-Gon... what is going to happen to him?”

“I don’t know,” he sounded defeated and tired. “We have searched restlessly for him, but to no avail. When he is still alive, then we don’t know where he is...” A moment of silence passed between them. Then, “I will help you!”

“Anakin?”

He jumped up from his sitting position, but he did not let go of Obi-Wan’s warm and comforting hand, “I will help you search for him. It will not look suspicious when I or Ahsoka study him. We can find him and we can free him, together. I know we can.” Adrenaline was pumping in his veins. He was determined. Finally there was an opportunity for him to repay all those years Obi-Wan had spent with him. Finally he could do something.

The older male’s eyes were suspiciously wet when he pulled the blonde down into a tight hug. “Thank you,” was whispered into Anakin’s ears and in this moment, the galaxy seemed whole again.

#Youngster AU #Part 4 #My Fics #sith!obi-wan #sith!qui-gon #Sith AU #sith!dooku #Sith Family #Anakin Skywalker #Ahsoka Tano