#knights of the golden order | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has been banned in Indonesia for providing people with access to pornographic content.

#knights of the golden order

vulpeseques · 11 months

Text

Awakening

Nobody was ready for what had happened, and certainly not the guy it happened to. All I remember is that I went from a casual nobody with no outstanding features to the Dark Lord. Let me explain.

I don't know why it happened, honestly. Just that it did. I was sitting at home waiting to give kids Halloween candy when there had been a crash and a small crystal that flickered between red, blue, and green had flown through my living room window. I'd always loved collecting rocks of all kinds growing up, and that never really changed. I was cautious at first; when does a glowing gem just fly through a window?

I knew at the time I probably shouldn't, but I had to get it. Maybe get rid of it, maybe stick it on a shelf and worry about that later, but something needed to be done. I grabbed some tongs from the kitchen and tried to pick it up but the crystal pushed away at them. It reminded me of trying to stick the north side of two magnets together.

I tried to pick it up with a lot of different things, but in the end it was like the crystal demanded that I touch it with my bare hand. When I did, the world seemed to pause around me and I could feel the alien object in my palm scanning me. I tried to drop it, but the thing had adhered to my hand.

Changes will be made.

Hell no. I began to panic and flailed my hand back and forth to try and get the gem off my hand.

Reality discovered. Scanning for nearest cosmetic match.

Uh oh. I started to smack the crystal on a thick and heavy coffee table. I didn't think that the world was ready for Darth Revan walking into the world. In my panic I thought that I was going to get replaced by the Dark Lord of the Sith.

Cosmetic match found.

Me and my cheap Darth Revan costume was close enough to the real thing somewhere out there in the multiverse? This was bad and I needed to stop whatever was happening. I wasn't sure how. You might be wondering what I said at this point. I'll save you the trouble and just tell you that I swore. A lot. Almost exclusively. Lots of F-Bombs.

Beginning update and repurpose processes.

I was furiously hitting the crystal on the table until I locked up and felt searing pain wash over me. That was how I learned this magic rock's processes didn't come with anesthesia. My eyes clouded and I couldn't see anything. Not that I wanted to. At that point I was just waiting to die so it would be over.

Awakening potential in match. Syncing knowledge, skills, and experience.

It was like some parts of my brain were dumped into a bucket of ice water while others had white hot iron pokers jabbed into them. Eventually I slumped over. I began to feel things far off. I'd never felt them before, but as the crystal roughly crammed decades of knowledge and experience into my head I recognized it. Pain. Terror. The crystal dimmed and began to crumble.

Notifying Formation of success. Transference complete.

I lay there for a moment. My body ached and itched, my face felt melted, and as if to add insult to injury my throat was so dry it did that weird crack feeling when you're mildly dehydrated. At the same time, I remembered having felt worse so I pushed myself to stand however unsteadily on my feet. The lights flickered and an image of a squad car outside and a gunshot. Too dazed to recognize the premonition for what it really was I went to the door.

I felt the fear through the door before I opened it. With a wave of my hand it opened on its own. "That's cool," I said as everything settled into place. My body healed and recovered rapidly as I stood there. "I could get used to this."

"On the ground now!" shouted a man from the street. From what I could tell, everybody who could see me had the same thought about me; wrong. "Whatever that disturbance was, it came from your house. You can get on the ground or I can put you there!"

I stared at him through my mask and I felt somewhat annoyed. It wasn't my fault some reality altering crystal decided I was going to be Thanos's David. I took a step forward off the porch and at the last instant I realized what the premonition was warning me about. "Motherf-" A gunshot rang out and the rest of the word went unheard.

#kotor #knights of the old republic #fanfic #knights of the golden order #kotor au

2 notes · View notes

reyrapidsbutgayer · 6 months

Text

Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability

It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this.

In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.

Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.

It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.

Explanation of Grading system:

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.

Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

Dragonkin Soldier:

Mindless beast

Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Fia's Champions:

Ghosts, simps.

Regal Ancestor Spirit

Animal

Erdtree Avatar

A plant

Great Wyrm Theodorix

Mindless beast.

Ulcerated Tree Spirit

A plant, no junk

Tibia Mariner:

Skeleton

Red Wolf of the Champion:

Animal.

Full-Grown Fallingstar Beast

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Abductor Virgin

First off, just some snakes in a robot. Second, virgin.

Erdtree Burial Watchdog

Stone gargoyle

Crystalians

Non-organic

Mad Pumpkin Heads

Unable to consent due to madness.

Cemetery Shade

Unable to consent due to mind controlling parasite.

Spirit-Caller Snail

Animal

Runebear

Animal

Miranda the Blighted Bloom

A plant

Guardian Golem

Stone gargoyle

Starscourge Radahn:

Unable to consent due to madness

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Elden Beast:

Too catholic.

Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing:

Dick game weak - unironically posts joker memes.

Omenkiller:

Basically a cop.

Necromancer Garris:

Killed his family, not a good husband.

Royal Revenant:

Won't stop screaming (in an unsexy way)

Godrick the Grafted:

Incel - Also all that murder and torture business but mostly the Incel stuff.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

Valiant Gargoyle:

Could probably have sex if it wanted to, but is kinda going through a lot right now. Ya know, that whole "Is made of several corpses mashed together" thing.

Malenia, Blade of Miquella:

Look, I ALSO wanted her to higher up on this list, but let's be honest here. Her body is rotting and falling apart, she just isn't up for sex in her current form. In her prime? She'd be top of the list. She's the daughter of Marika and Radagon, she'd be playing fuck/marry/kill with every warrior who crossed her path. (in that order)

Death Rite Bird:

I think it might be physically capable of sex, but is too busy burning corpses to bother with stuff like that.

Black Blade Kindred:

Same reason as the Valiant Gargoyle but you might have like 2% more of a chance because they are goth.

Maliketh, the Black Blade:

Would normally be a sex god, but is too religious. Probably took a vow about this sort of thing.

Morgott, the Omen King:

You kidding me? This guy has the same energy as a repressed youth pastor. He's gonna be a virgin till the day he dies. The dude sided with the same religious order that locked him a sewer and tried to kill him. He's not out there getting phone numbers he's too busy praying and judging others for their 'impure thoughts'.

Draconic Tree Sentinel:

Married to his job, also physically chained to his horse. He ain't taking off that armor anytime soon.

Wormface:

Too sad, leave him alone his face is full of worms.

Tree Sentinel:

Same as the Draconic Tree Sentinel but he's a tiny bit more naive so you might have a better chance.

Elder Dragon Greyoll:

Too sleepy, but still kinda a milf.

Grafted Scion:

There might be some genitals in there somewhere but I don't think they know how or even want to use them.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

Esgar, Priest of Blood:

No sense of hygiene, is always covered in blood (in an unsexy way)

Mohg, Lord of Blood:

This loser is dripping with all the least sexy bodily fluids and he has sharp horns sticking out of him. Even if you got him in bed you'd only enjoy like 5% of it. Plus you just know he'd be all needy afterwards and try to get you to join his MLM.

Borealis the Freezing Fog:

Too cold, not a snuggler.

Elemer of the Briar:

The armor stays ON during sex.

Kindred of Rot:

It's like all the worst possible aspects of alien biology, it won't be nearly as fun as you hoped.

Sanguine Noble:

Same as all the other Mohg followers, too sticky and too smelly.

Decaying Ekzykes:

He's sick right now, leave him alone.

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree:

I'm sure she'd be a decent lover. Maybe a little overzealous but she'd has good intentions.

Grave Warden Duelist:

I mean these guys are hot and probably fuck like a truck but they are not the most caring lovers, also they are covered in live snakes so there is that.

Night's Cavalry:

If you like goth knights I'm sure they'd be fine.

Onyx Lord:

Their skin probably feels like stone, but I bet they can pull off all sorts of freaky zero-g sex stuff if you ask them.

Alabaster Lord:

Same as the Onyx Lord but slightly more goth.

Fell Twins:

Once you get past the horns and stuff I bet the Omens are actually pretty good in bed, just watch out.

Demi-Human Queens:

I feel like all Demi-humans are pretty good lovers but their biology probably has some unexpected drawbacks.

Stonedigger Troll:

If you can get past the texture and the size I bet they could be decent in bed.

Flying Dragon Greyll:

A surprisingly unsexy dragon, but a dragon is a dragon and still worth at least a one night stand.

Glintstone Dragon Adula:

A dragon willing to kill racist magic users, earns them a few extra points.

Beastman of Farum Azula:

On one hand the Beastmen probably have crazy mating skills, but they are also zombies, which detracts some points for all the decay.

Battlemage Hugues:

Contrary to popular belief, Wizards are not very good at sex. They spend all their time studying instead of partying, at least Hugues is willing to get his hands dirty.

Commander O'Neil:

Seems like a decent guy, but probably won't shut up about his time in the military. Also he is infected with scarlet rot so that might be a mood killer.

Bloodhound Knight Darriwil:

The bloodhound knights are probably pretty wild in bed if you can earn their loyalty, but good luck with that.

Adan, Thief of Fire:

The dude committed heresy, that has to earn him some sexy points.

Soldier of Godrick:

He's a good boy, he's doing his job so throw him a bone.

Flying Dragon Agheel:

One of the first dragons you encounter, so he earns some points for style.

Demi-Human Chief:

Same as the queens, but probably a bit rougher in bed.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

Lichdragon Fortissax:

A much sexier dragon, you know they were hooking up with Godwin. Only loses some points for all the death rot.

Crucible Knight Siluria:

A bit gloomy, but I bet the crucible knights can do all sorts of freaky stuff with their animal body parts.

Mimic Tear:

A slippery liquid shapeshifter, need I say more?

Commander Niall:

A way better guy than O'Niel, plus he just a bit more daddy energy.

Fire Giant:

Once you get past his size, his sadness and the giant fell god of destruction in his chest, I bet he's got something going on.

Ancient Hero of Zamor:

Gives me Hercules/Amazonian vibes, I could be into it.

Cleanrot Knight:

Lesbian activities detected.

Crucible Knight:

These guys have tails, horns, wings and big old throat sacks. Imagine the possibilities.

Glintstone Dragon Smarag:

Has a sword. If you hear "Dragon holding a sword" and your pants aren't already off, we can't be friends.

Bols, Carian Knight:

He seems like a good boy.

Scaly Misbegotten:

I feel like the Misbegotten have some really interesting possibilities with their animal biology. I bet they have bonobo type societies and that could be fun.

Leonine Misbegotten:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Misbegotten Warrior:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

Crucible Knight Ordovis:

Has all the desirable traits of a Crucible Knight but I also imagine they are super into threesomes.

Perfumer Tricia:

She seems really nice, and would be a super attentive lover. Plus she probably has access to crazy drugs and could hook you up.

Nox Swordstress & Nox Priest:

You just know that the Nox were getting up to crazy hot and crazy unethical experiments in their underground cities. These two probably get up to some wild shit and they are inviting you to join them.

Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon:

As she is now, I bet she'd be too sad to really be in a relationship again. But she kept up with Radagon and you just know she has some tricks up her sleeves that could make you abandon the golden order.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

Dragonlord Placidusax:

Has two male heads and three female heads, imagine...

Ancient Dragon Lansseax:

Formed a whole freaky dragon/human cult and you just know they got into some eyes-wide-shut orgies behind those doors.

Godfrey, First Elden Lord (Hoarah Loux):

We all knew he'd be this high on the list. He was just a normal dude but he managed to keep pace with Queen Marika (Who is basically a goddess of fertility) for a good long while. He will fold you in half (on the battlefield and in the bedroom.)

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

Radagon of the Golden Order:

He sucks in all the worst ways, but I mean... You can't NOT. Both Radagon and Marika are the embodiment of evil but they managed to suck and fuck their way across an entire continent for generations. You HAVE to give a try at least once.

Godskin Duo:

Oh my god will it be awful with all those flayed human skins, but you know you are still gonna have to. They can stretch and do all sorts of freaky stuff with their bodies, plus they kill gods and nothing is sexier than heresy.

Vyke, Knight of the Roundtable:

The dude is a mad killer but... he can still probably get it, might as well give it a try.

God-Devouring Serpent / Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy:

Personally I wouldn't, he's a loser and will probably kill you. But he is also a giant snake made up of squirming hands doing all sorts of sexual experiments, I can't blame you if you want to give it a taste.

Black Knife Assassin:

They committed a whole lot of treason but the power of armored lesbians is too hard to resist.

Patches:

If you are already having sex with from software characters, you gotta give Patches at least one attempt. When you wake up he'll have robbed you, but you knew what you were getting into.

975 notes · View notes

illustratus · 2 months

Text

Coat of Arms of Edward IV, King of England, in his Capacity as Knight of the Order of the Golden Fleece

by Pierre Coustain, c. 1481

216 notes · View notes

azotho · 1 year

Photo

Happy First Year Anniversary to Elden Ring💍✨ May the Grace guide thee.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ■ Twitter | Instagram

Prints - society6.com/thepaleindigo

#Blaidd The Half-Wolf #White Mask Varré #Roundtable Knight Vyke #Radagon of the Golden Order #Elden Ring #Artists on Tumblr #Azotho #Blaidd #Varré #Ancient Dragon Lansseax #Radagon #doodle #my own art

482 notes · View notes

ilynpilled · 1 year

Text

i think the thing with me and how i see jc is that i think it is a brilliant dynamic for not what it “is”, or what a lot of people think it is bc of the show’s version, but what it “isn’t.” like it is a deconstruction of the tragic forbidden lovers destined to be together for eternity, from birth to death, with love and devotion that cannot be ended despite society’s taboos. nothing else matters, only them. they were born entangled!!! jaime was born holding her foot!!(rip to that hand 🫡)but then like. u see the actual relationship. and it is so… cringe. it is so not this. so many other things matter to them both. so many personal desires that are incompatible with the desires of the other. in some ways they are the same, in others they are polar opposites. and they both end up choosing those other desires in the end. it is all based on lies and illusions and a desperate need for self affirmation from a broken and distorted mirror. it is a need to be able to love yourself in some form despite how broken you are. but it is false as fool’s gold. and that is so rich

#asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #i really do think it is about the collapse of romanticization #like for cersei its about realizing that jaime is not the golden knight her sword that will come and massacre all her enemies #like what she desperately clings to during the walk #that extension of the self. the power robbed from her from birth bc of her gender #and for jaime cersei is not an unconditional source of love or the ‘maiden’ that he can escape into #to try to keep his dreams of chivalry alive #and keep meaning to his existence alive #jaime will have to find new meaning and cersei will have to find a new weapon #in order for the both of them to even keep going atp #thats why they both have their own flames and separate in the prophetic weirwood dream

257 notes · View notes

maranull · 8 months

Text

Very headcanon-y, but I like to think that this patch of flowers is where Finlay passed away.

I know that these flowers are all over the arena, but this is one of the only two patches that are right next to the roots. And the other patch doesn't have the big flowers at all.

Something-something, maybe the body acted as a fertilizer and that's why the bigger ones could bloom?

I know I'm reaching but I just think Finlay wouldn't leave Malenia even in death.

#elden ring #cleanrot knight finlay #malenia blade of miquella #also as i was running around i noticed the whole area past the lift is a tomb #which i guess makes sense since golden order faithful were buried at the roots of the erdtree #and since Miq has kept some of the teachings it makes sense he kept that too #to me at least #headcanons #also #fic notes

78 notes · View notes

nooooough · 11 months

Text

Still don’t know much about Elden Ring, but:

#same vibes #radagon of the golden order #the hollow knight #elden beast #the radiance #elden ring #hollow knight #crossover

25 notes · View notes

mtg-cards-hourly · 1 year

Photo

Order of the Golden Cricket

"Should you take it in mind to ride a springjack, remember: there are easier ways to fly, and harder ways to break your skull." —Lann of Cloverdell

Artist: Mark Zug TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

#mtg #magic the gathering #tcg #$0.09 #mark zug #order of the golden cricket #morningtide #creature #kithkin #knight

27 notes · View notes

dragoncult-handmaiden · 11 months

Text

i don't really know what to post lol

i'm not gonna write elden ring fanfics for a little while until i'm done a few major ones on my main blog

do you guys have anything in particular you'd like to see?

19 notes · View notes

gorgynei · 1 year

Text

im watching the cr elden ring oneshot this is awesome. i didnt like this oneshot when it came out bc i didnt get it or care about elden ring but now? NOW? oh this is crazy

#pointing at each of them ''carian knight int/str build! golden order dex build!''#ramblings

10 notes · View notes

greatestmeepboie · 5 months

Text

me trying to rejuvenate the Metropolis fandom part two I guess

welcome to the first part of my elden metropolis au where it's metropolis but elden ring since it's been a year since I've started playing the game. So here are some doodles I did