#like i know what i want and what to do

[shimenawas]

words cannot express how badly i want to throw myself off the face of the earth ajsjskskskskmwk

#whatever you have #━☆*:₀. lovely chats ೃ #cw: venting/vents #HELP MEOEKSKSM #the lady who was selling us stuff asked me what i wajted and i just said bcs im #INCREDIBLY indecisive and v much shy letting other people know of my thoughts and opinions (whether irl or online) #after that we went to a restaurant and it took me 30 minutes just trying to raise my hand to call for the waitress eksbsksn #I HATE MYSELF I FEEL SO EMBARRASSED 😭😭?? #help how am i still alive #like i know what i want and what to do #but hhhhhh #PEOPLE for some reason make me act hesitant jsjsjwk #not only that but mmmmmm #lowkey feeling kind of jealous of other people #how they have confidence and look pretty and #and it ngl reminds me of elem school where i knew i wasnt the prettiest and that the only thing i had going for me #was my smarts #and now i still kind of have that mindset TT?? #i do my best in other things/hobbies because i have the need to be like #good/amazing at them or else i'll be hopeless???? #whhsushsjs #i am experiencing v complicated feelings tonight

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[lgbtlunaverse]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex #god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood #that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets. #but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society #i don't know what to say i'm just so tired #politics #culture #queerphobia #lgbtqia #misogyny #<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy #patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights #so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized #purity culture #i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

#Sir Crocodile #Monkey D Dragon #Emporio Ivankov #Dragodile #Crocodad #My art #One Piece #We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay #Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao #I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally #He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace. #You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that #Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy #And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do #But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨ #And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion

[cyancees]

i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

#adhd #doodles #show this to your therapist instead of failing to explain it like i did #me: its like i cant control my thoughts like i was trying to think of something earlier today but #all i could think of was this giraffe eating leaves and no matter how hard i tried to focus the thought would just. replay #my therapist: what happens if you try to let the thought just play out #me: ........ i dont know but i dont want it to be there at all when im trying to do simple addition in a maths exam #10k #100k

[squidsmeister]

dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film

#dungeon meshi #my art #laios thorden #senshi #marcille #chilchuck #chilchack #izatsumi #laois #laius thorden #sorry guys I don’t know which spelling is correct here #chilchucks car is a beat up beige Honda civic #laois never got a license because even though he’s actually a good driver he just never cared enough to do it #plus he wants to travel in some wacky way. like on a five person tandem bicycle or some shit #marcille never got a license because just fucking look at her #plus she gets motion sick in cars. she just would #senshi walks everywhere and has no need for cars #izatsumi just learned what a car was two days ago and she’s pissed that chilchuck doesn’t have a lambo #chilchuck doesn’t have time for any of this. he has to get his daughter to soccer practice at 5

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

#mlp #yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia. #yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show #but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!! #i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse #in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character #personal #delete later #unless you like this analysis stuff #i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did #cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her #mother and father as a teenager #i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased #but i'll put some in the tags #involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity #anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention #(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff #long post #regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at #a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[egophiliac]

was gonna wait 'til I'd done all the poms, but it's been a day, so have Vil with a Salazzle 🍎

#art #twisted wonderland #poketwst #what are they plotting? you don't want to know. #sigh. once again the whole 'i don't wanna do more than two each' thing is coming back to bite me. #salazzle was the immediate obvious one and then there were like two or three others i was really torn between #(milotic is the other obvious-seeming choice but there were others i felt fit more in different ways and...yeah) #then i remembered i don't actually have to draw more than one pokemon so here we are #with the ✨QUEENS✨ #(me drawing salazzle's weird little feethands: heheheheh)

[lokh]

fake dating au where shuro ends up pretending to go out with laios in order to secure his inheritance.... but is it really what he wants? a journey of romance and self discovery that ill never ever write

#i imagine some political intrigue too but frankly i dont know enough #not pictured: marcille and co losing their fucking minds becos laios what were u THINKING #shuro #nakamoto toshiro #laios touden #laishuro #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #art #maizuru #i imagine shuro also doesnt want to win his succession with something so. underhanded and untrue lmao. #and then when it DOES become true... well does he even want it really 😭 #i feel like hed still end up doing it but at least hes actually examined his own wants etc #delicious in dungeon

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[yanderespamton78]

Edit since a lot of people seem confused - your "real" name is the name that you want to be referred to in real life. It doesn't have to be your legal name. So if you're trans and you have a different name to whats on your birth certificate, even if not many people call you by the name, it still counts as your real name.

Edit 2 : Holy shit guys please stop reblogging this post my poor inbox im getting like 20 notifs an hour asjfhkajshdkh /lh /srs

#FUN FACT : charlie isnt my real name :] #i decided to go with the name charlie because i didnt wanna use my real name and i like the name charlie #my parents were gonna call me charlie when i was born but didnt in the end #i dont really know why i dont just tell you lot my real name because its a super common name #another thing that using a diff name online has caused is me seeing “charlie” almost as a different person #theres “[wearegonnapretendiputmyrealnamehere]” and then theres “Charlie” and they are two different people in my mind #idk aksjffhkajsshdka #anyways this is the second poll ive made today what is my deal with polls #i should make a seperate poll tag for all my fucking polls that i make #I MAKE A LOT #ill tag all my polls when i think of a good name lol #anyways woah i got a bit rambly there #did i make a whole ass poll just because i thought you might find it interesting that my real name wasnt charlie? #yes. yes i did. #(DO NOT take this as me not wanting you lot to call me charlie i would prefer you use that name over anything else lol) #polls #tumblr polls #random polls

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

Tried to tip a tumblr blog at 1am and it was such a suspicious transaction it immediately put a full fraud freeze on my account

Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.

This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it

Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life

-

Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog

Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?

Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose

-

Caah: and this person asked you for money?

Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"

-

Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *

Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..

Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny

-

Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?

Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is

I think in the end Cash decided there was no saving me from myself

#Chase unblocked my card #But I did not come off well #But this is a good thing! #Be fraud aware! #Tipping a blog should be like handing money to someone in the street #Only do it if you can afford it and WANT TO and do not care what it goes on #It COULD be a scam #You've got to be alright with that #YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE #THE VET BILL ASKS ARE A SCAM #scams

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress

#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried #actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it? #i feel like he wouldn't like it... #since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly #i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening #so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine? #HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3 #many things probably! #what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally #wally darling #i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him #but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly #always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions #he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt. #i just cant imagine him never not Thinking #unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3

[rithmeres]

#this is just an april fools post please don't listen to this playlist i don’t want to know what it would do to a person #(but if you do listen to it. tell me about it i need to know what it was like) #hxh #hunter x hunter #link in replies btw. for the brave soul who asked

[lazylittledragon]

hey idk which anxious pre-t babe needs to hear this but i didn't get to when i was younger so. testosterone will not make you ugly. it won't make you a horrible person. it won't 'mutilate' or ruin your body. if you want to go on testosterone then literally all that happens is it makes you really fucking hot and REALLY fucking happy.

#ramble #literally very hot. like very hot #there is so much sweat #'oh you're just trying to paint a pretty picture that it's all fine' yeah i am!!! it's fucking great. i love it #trans people aren't sad clueless little babes who don't know what's going on. if you want to go on hormones you Know what it's going to do #and you WANT THAT WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE DOING IT #i hate hate hate seeing detransitioners like 'it destroyed and mutilated me' #*proceeds to list the normal effects of hormones* #it's all fearmongering and it's SICK #personally i think we should start glorifying transition more. because it's BEAUTIFUL