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wraithinkorporated · 2 years

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Rating the Ben 10 Aliens Based on Gender Envy vs Attraction

with just the original series because theres,,,,, so many across the mutliple series

spoiler alert its still a lot so i'm putting it under a cut

first up the man, the myth, the legend, heatblast. kinda basic but you can't beat a flame man. 5/10 attraction

wildmutt. the reason i'm making this list. a literal fucking animal. bro can't see he just goes off vibes. (i know he smells sshhhhh) i didn't know what gender envy was when this show was airing but i felt it heavy when this beast was on screen. 10/10 gender envy

diamondhead is a classic but this is a man in a leotard. points for having Points but not all that interesting looking. 3/10 attraction

XCLR-8. annoying twink. 1/10 gender envy

greymatter. annoying twink but little and a smartass. i am already like this. -2/10 gender envy

four arms. gym bro with extra appendages. same issue as diamondhead his name is literally just four arms i never understood why this was alway's ben's go-to. points for being versatile. 4/10 attraction

im sorry i dont want to be a bug. hated this thing when it came on screen. 0/10 both

RIPJAW. LETS FUCKING GOOOO ARE YOU SEEING THIS SCALED FUCKING FREAK???? DUDE IS WEARING A LOINCLOTH. THRIVES IN THE DARK. HAS CLAWS AND WEBBED FINGERS THATS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE. points docked for no tail BUT OTHER THAN THAT PEAK PERFORMANCE AND THAT'S WHAT I STRIVE FOR. 15/10 GENDER ENVY

Upgrade. when i hear that one song from Be More Chill all i see is this thing. it lives in my head rent free and i always thought it had the coolest ability. if i didn't want to be a ravenous beast so bad i'd settle for an forever-adapting amorphous blob. but alas. 9/10 gender envy

ghostfreak. this thing used to keep me up at night. not because i was scared i started making theories in my head from a young age. creepypasta material. i like the mystery and threateningly chill aura. 6/10 attraction

idk why but i found this fucker annoying. after ben discovered him he came around wayy too much. other than that i love a good Orb. 3/10 attraction

wildvine. gives old gay vibes. there's nothing i enjoy about this design. for a plant thing it looks dehydrated. i respect it i just don't wish to partake. 1/10 attraction

oh god there's so many more aliens in the original series than i thought but heres,,,,,,, spitter???? vaguely remember it but it was probably only in like 1 or 2 episodes. irrelevant therefore not worth rating. only here for us to point and laugh.

buzzshock looks like dexter if he drank sulfuric acid and lithium hydroxide. also irrelevant but gets rating because he's funny to look at. 2/10 gender envy

arctiguana. somehow managed to be more irrelevant than spitter but more aquatic looking so automatically has more going for it. why it arm so long though. 3/10 gender envy

is the ben 10 wiki lying to me because i don't remember "blitzwolfer" either, and i would've remember a wolf furry. has pieces that i like but should be fluffier looking. 5/10 attraction

upchuck. i remember this bastard. i remember wanting to punt him into the nearest goalpost. -1/10

okkkkk we're getting back to the dudes i remember, although i would not have thought its name would be,,,, "snare-oh." but i love a scrungly looking mummy. 7/10 attraction

"Frankenstrike" was this a halloween special? i bet this was a halloween special. however i do love a good frankenstin inspo and points for the tesla towers on his back. looks like an absolute unit. 6/10 attraction

"eye guy" yeah he sure is. i'm trying not to bash on these names because these fellas were named by a 10 year old but i can't stand this one. anyway i love a freak covered in eyes but i have a pet peeve against character's with a 60:1 shoulder to waist ratio. 2/10 attraction

hey we're almost to the end are you excited? there's only one more after this one. "way big." this is actually the Ultimate Alien design because I remember it the best. i used to have gender envy for it but I have no desire to be however large this thing was. 6/10 gender envy

this is the final alien that was introduced in the original series: "ditto." i used to REALLY like this one, i'd go as far as to say my favorite out of them all. not anymore but i still kinda dig its design, which i didn't expect. just a little guy that duplicates into more little guys. 4/10 gender envy

#holy shit that was so many aliens #i thought just going by the original series would only give me 10 aliens i'd have to rate #but then i opened the wiki and realized how wrong i was #ben 10 aliens #ben 10 original series #very specific audience for this but i hope i reach them lol #gender envy #thinktank.txt

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adamsvanrhijn · 4 years

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not to be very annoying, but do you happen to know any good books/resources about lgbt slang/identities in victorian/edwardian/etc england? (i mean, things such as lesbians calling each other "toms" and the like). don't worry if you don't know any, but i just figured i'd ask since this was kinda in your Area Of Interest so you might know some off the top of your head.

the not annoying at all but this is a more complex question than at first glance hahaha

TL;DR: there are many types of queer language / we have way more info about men, who have their own lexicon / this era is widely seen as the era in which the concept of identity is actually coming into play / books list at the end, scroll down til you reach bolded text if you don’t want my commentary.

so when you’re looking at mid 19th - interwar lgbt communities, whether in europe or the uk or the usa it doesn’t really matter bc this is quite universal, you’ve got at least three registers, for lack of an easier word:

how self-identified homosexual, inverted, queer, abnormal etc men (henceforth gay men) speak with each other

how self-identified “” women (henceforth lesbian women) speak with each other

interactions between these groups

these naturally intersect with other socioeconomic class factors.

back to england specifically:

despite legal considerations gay men have the most agency and ability to move around and therefore are more likely to interact with each other and form communities. so now you have additional registers:

upper middle / upper class

middle / lower middle / working class (more registers here but nobody asked me and i promise i will give you recs soon)

again, interactions between them

the latter category has limited applications; most of them have to do with prostitution or casual sex and tend to be about categorizing people in terms of what sex acts they participate in. (this is universally true of most forms of gay slang and/or their origins for obvious reasons) think locker room talk. OR, we’re looking at cross class relationships and how other people view members of cross class relationships. not to generalize bc there are other things than this but what is best documented here is the upper class pov of these interactions

for the first category there is much less slang & unique community language, when you look at letters and works of literature etc etc people are picking and choosing from both medical/psychiatric terminology, which is developing rapidly from the 1860s on, and like, classical works; you get a lot of alluding to things. artistic communities (bloomsbury group, natalie clifford barney’s harem in paris and what have you) meanwhile are sort of all over the map. but bc this isn’t Polite Society talk, most of the sources for this kind of language tend to be limited in scope. which is true for all subculture language really but like in this case, authors of the day who are writing what they know are we think giving a pretty accurate picture of what their actual communities were like... but it’s put through a filter for publication.

by the 20th century urban working class gay men in certain circles are using polari, a subcultural lexicon which came from mid/late 19th century theatre and music hall slang, which came from fairground cant, seafaring , labor slang, Yiddish, cockney, theatre slang, fishmarkets, French, Italian, underground crime rings literally i could go on and there’s lots of debate about this. it’s turn of the century when it comes to be used very widely within the gay community, and while its origins are in london it made it to other uk urban centres fairly quickly. this lasted well into the latter half of the 20th century and is the base for a lot of community slang today, which leads me to

lesbian women, who also used polari, albeit to a lesser extent. these were primarily lesbians who were also in the 3rd camp above - ones who are involved in the community and interacting w/ gay men regularly. (”straight women who work in theatre” is another category of woman polari speakers haha but performance slang went thru many changes and eventually things got p separate so you had fairground & theatre cant and gay subculture slang having similar roots but very distinct in usage)

for lesbian communities the same thing as w gay men applies for the upper classes just to a lesser degree due to the relative lack of a community experienced by women

but a very important point here is that, ESPECIALLY during the victorian period, less so moving into the 20th century, intimate relationships between women are viewed very, very differently than those between men - male relationships have hard and fast boundaries of what is and isnt acceptable, those of women do not.

the development of identity w/ sexuality for women i think in many ways had a lot more to do with women who expressed their gender differently than women who had intimate exclusive relationships w/ other women

anyway the point is there unfortunately is no like comprehensive text for All Queer Language at this point in time, nor for the development of sexual identity, and the nature of this field (linguistics + history + sociology about queer stuff) means that a lot of the good work is in academic articles which i do NOT know off the top of my head. :-( but here’s some stuff !!

LIST OF THE ACTUAL BOOKS SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT

ok so these are all nonfiction, mostly academic nonfiction, but i want to stress that contemporary literature is a REALLY good way to get a (often rose tinted but not always) look into subculture and there are many novels that play with and/or poke at the ongoing development of sexual identity, especially in edwardia, especially especially in the 1920s, so if youve got endless time to read on your hands it is absolutely worth poking around there.

i have a list in the works of 1920s literature that has lgbt stuff in it and i realise thats a bit late for you but even so!!

also: compilations of letters, memoirs, etc are like super super invaluable

anyway ive bolded the most important ones:

Kosofsky Sedgwick, Eve. Epistemology of the Closet. 1990. University of California Press. [required lgbt theory reading, literally the foundation for soooo much]

Marcus, Sharon. Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England. 2007. Princeton University Press.

Robb, Graham. Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century. 2003. [this is like, functionally prerequisite reading for any gay male stuff for the 19th century & robb is an excellent popular historian who also has an actual academic background]

Rupp, Leila J. Sapphistries: A Global History of Love between Women. 2008. NYU Press.

Russett, Cynthia. Sexual Science: The Victorian Construction of Womanhood. 1989. Harvard University Press. [touches on things but is not About sexuality/identity]

these are both already on my downton abbey research list but they both discuss language thruout and identity very thoroughly:

Brady, Sean. Masculinity and Male Homosexuality in Britain, 1861-1913. 2005. Palgrave Macmillan.

David, Hugh. On Queer Street: A Social History of British Homosexuality 1895-1995. 1997. HarperCollins.

for polari, see basically everything paul baker’s done. the 2019 might be the most accessible but i havent read it yet:

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa: A dictionary of Polari & gay slang. 2002. London: Continuum.

Baker, Paul. Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men (Routledge Studies in Linguistics). 2002. London: Routledge.

Baker, Paul. Fantabulosa! The Story of Polari, Britain’s Secret Gay Language. 2019. London: Reaktion.

while it predates the era youre asking about, this book is good reading that leads up to the changes of the victorian era in sexual morality & how that affects identity and language:

Donoghue, Emma. Passions Between Women: British Lesbian Culture 1668–1801. 1995. HarperCollins.

also i hate to do this but like. foucault lol. obviously not focused on britain but very much focused on the development of identity and sexuality.

ive been working on this for like three straight hours im gonna go eat lunch now

#da resources #community culture tag

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recurring-polynya · 3 years

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I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy.

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You.

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

#squad 11 #sometimes i look at Things I Have Wrought and pull a full Talking Heads style 'how did i get here?'#my squad 11 stuff is my absolutely weirdest most bonkers writing #i am glad people seem to like it #just trying to find some meaning in this hot mess #i think i blame The Toast

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slaygentford · 3 years

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please ms. emily can you talk about jaime vs. dean gender thoughts? the ham of it vs. ms. magdalene. i feel like there's a comparison there but i'm not smart enough to make it.

I know everyone yells at me when I give germ rights but like.... the difference fundamentally is that he knows what he’s going to do with ham and the trajectory of the warrior/maiden thing whereas whoever writes the cw’s supernatural made the mistake of creating a problem like ms magdalene and then thinking they had to solve that problem (you do not actually always have to solve a character) and upon seeing the solution was not a palatable one...

however. I will say. that. the core of hams deal is that tho he is unaware of it (Cersei is aware) cersei is more suited to maleness and jam more suited to femaleness. the deal w ms magdalene is like.......so jam and cers are doubles which illustrates the gender of it all, but dean at no point has a double. (sam and John are doubles, and deans a hanging clause, which is why he's the mediator.) so the thesis there is not even remotely that dean would somehow be more suited to a woman's life but rather that his life IS ALREADY a woman’s life. and the thing is unlike jam he IS aware of it and hes pissed about it but also can’t imagine NOT being like that. so theyre actually kind of complete opposites. also lam isn't going to get fridged which is like. maybe the funniest thing thats ever happened to me personally. however far germ pushes the warrior/maiden back-and-forth I am 90% sure his death will culminate in his own redemption or w/e and not like. Cersei’s manpain FUCK that makes me honk like a goose anyway

its also about affect really or this idea of “work.” jam fails social expectations w his “weaknesses,” but he still largely performs a MAN’S work fine even tho he was more comfortable in childhood trading clothes w his sister. DEAN, tho, is adhering to DIFFERENT social expectations, and those expectations make him perform WOMAN’S work. they are both simultaneously discontent with and enamored by their gendered “work.”

so its really at the end of the day about how they are two diff manifestations of female archetype. jam is a maiden in need of rescuing because he lives in a bloody Arthuriana. dean embodies the madonna/whore because he lives in the Bible.

also kinda neat that jam is so much like Joanna and dean is like Mary. fellas,

anyway. take this shit to a conference. fucking kill me. siri play your protector fleet foxes. hate yall

#spn

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detransexual · 3 years

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Im struggling with femininity at this point in my detransition. I have so many thoughts about it, ill try to not go on forever but bear with me.

I know i dont have to be 100% gender non conforming, i know a long flowy dress in summer isnt exactly anti feminist, but it certainly isnt rejecting the ideals that are already in place either. I dont like wearing makeup, it fucks with my perception of myself, but being able to cover up the ever present shadow of facial hair is really relieving. I dont like wearing bras, but a very slightly cupped/padded sportsbra makes a (surprisingly) big difference in making me look like a flatchested woman rather than a dude. I dont like the concept of plastic surgery or surgery in general, but i would love to look more normal even without prosthetics or just a bra, i would to look a little closer to what i should have been like. I miss them the most in the context of sex, and it makes me sad that i always bound and hid them from my girlfriends rather than allow my whole body to be loved and seen as acceptable. Even though im happier about my chest now than i was pre surgery, i wish it had just been a reduction, scars (even of the size i have now) wouldnt be nearly as painful a reminder than the (almost, there's still like, a little more breast tissue than a bio male with my body weight/muscle/fat ratio would have? ) complete lack of tissue.

There are things im happy about, and i was actually a bit sad to notice my body hair has gotten lighter and that my clitoris is not as sensitive or quite as "full"/big as it was on T, because im still really happy about those changes, they've both made me feel MORE comfortable as a woman and in my body.

I dont think id dislike my voice as much if people, particularly (or perhaps exclusively?) other women, still recognised me as a woman with it. Its not a bad voice, its just not really mine, and its not a voice i can freely use without thought or consequence. my voice was already quite deep, especially if i wanted it to be, so it would have been better as it was.

There's still a lot that i dont know where i stand, and since ive always been unsure of who i am and shit, and since ive been so certain in things i was wrong about, its hard to commit, its scary. Both permanent changes and coming out again are very distant, both because i need time and because it takes time to get help again.

But all of this is making me struggle with femininity, it makes it easier to pass, and in turn not be reminded of the whole ordeal, although it also makes me more focused on it, which is probably gonna turn out just as harmful as when i was focusing on the opposite in my original transition.

I dont want to buy into exploitative and objectifying behavioirs, but i feel very very isolated and alienated from other women, something ive felt since i was very, very small, but this is different.

Feeling alienated as a kid was rough, and i desperately clung to what was expected of me, trying to fit in, trying to make myself "right", and ofcourse it was painful, but it was more internal than external.

During my trans-identified years, the alienation became explainable, and being alienated from other girls and women felt like a given, ofcourse thats how it was supposed to be since i was a boy! And i didnt feel trult alienated from boys until i was in my late teens and early 20s living stealth, and suddenly i had to pretend to be someone else in order to fit in. there was a huge difference between being the tomboy friend and actually being "one of the boys". You hear and see very different things when they dont think there's any girls or women around.

But after realising i neither could nor wanted to fit in with men, i gradually realised i was no longer just feeling alienated from other women, but i actually was. Its hard to connect with other women, make friends or exist in female spaces when you're no longer seen as a woman if you open your mouth, and i know thats nothing that overt femininity would change, but i honestly dont know how else to "compensate".

Meeting other detrans women has been wonderful, and i definitely wish i knew more gnc and butch women, but i just cant seem to find any in real life, ive yet to find any real women's spaces that arent "for women and anyone who doesnt identify as a cis-man :)".

I dont want to have to be feminine to be seen as a woman, i dont want to reinforce to myself or others that womanhood=femininity, i dont want to reinforce or portray detransition as meaning becoming genderconforming or like "accepting" and falling into stereotypes or "becoming a REAL woman" through femininity and gender roles. I dont want that, but i dont know how to balance what i want for myself with what would make my own existence less painful and what i think is "right".

I want to be able to be a visbly gender non conforming WOMAN rather than being seen as a gender conforming man, but being a gender conforming woman often makes ne appear and sometimes feel more like a gender non conforming man anyway. I dont know how to balance it all, and im torn between wanting to be a boghag and wanting to perform excessive femininity.

#Detrans woes #Personal #Op

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go

ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution

hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.

its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out

oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!

ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)

ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)

thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)

ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e

yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.

"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.

falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.

i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.

bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.

my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!

DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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stray-tori · 3 years

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Omegaverse & Understanding performative Gender & also Homosexuality in a meta sense

Whilst I lied awake last night at 6 a.m., listening to Connor read BL, he read out loud “omegaverse - a universe where ANYONE can get pregnant” and little smartass me thought “thats not the definition of omegaverse*”.

* except if it is in that particular instance, it’s a pretty freeform universe asdhjds

Introduction

For those not deep enough into the rabbit hole to know what omegaverse is, let me give you a short definition:

A subgenre of erotic speculative fiction (originating in fan fiction) in which humanity is divided into a biologically-determined social hierarchy based on stereotypical wolf pack dynamics, consisting of the fantasy genders/sexes of alpha (sexual dominants), omega (sexual submissives), and beta.

aka Alphas impregnate and Omegas receive (at least in a lot of variants, sometimes they just add the dom/sub smell or furry-ish and hierarchy elements).

So yes, that means alpha “Women” can impregnate and omega “Men” can be pregnant, don’t think too much about it and don’t google it, be safe.

This is somewhat common in BL (I don’t see it in GL as much but I’m also not that deep in GL), which makes some sense because the Universe largely negates the gender-variable (though you could also just make everyone lgbt+ positive in your work so yknow). It doesn’t matter if you’re female or male, it matters if you’re alpha or omega (or beta, but betas are weird because they’re essentially normal humans in most interpretations).

And then, 6 a.m.-awake me was like “but if omega/alpha/beta are essentially the new sexes doesn't that mean that alpha-omega relationships can't be gay” - and yes, stupid me, that’s the point ffs, but that lead me to think a bit about my perception of sexes and by extend gender.

So in A/B/O, I think it’d be the most logical to replace our sexes with the A/B/O categories (which imo is the case), because it’s what gives information about the reproductive function, just like the (biological) sexes of “female” and “male” tends to.

Now you could fairly argue that “female” / “male” isn’t really giving definite information about reproductive functions anyway, which is true (intersex & trans people). So from that perspective, this AU is really interesting too, actually. But that’s not something I feel educated enough about to tackle with tact and competence as an outsider looking in.

As for the whole “where is the line to homosexuality?” argument, here we go.

OKAY, so let’s say A/B/O distinction is based on common reproductive functions within that group. Then if a male omega is with a male alpha, that is by all accounts straight, because “male” wouldn’t be a sex anymore, it would be a visual descriptor. Or well, it would be the descriptor of the “variant” of the alpha.

The AU often tries to really only have A/B/O distinctions but fact is if you base your weird mixer biology on real sexes, you’re gonna end up with a problem - that being that male alphas and female alphas are so biologically different that you’d likely have to separate them into two groups for medical reasons.

So either each sex gets a subgroup, for convenience “male” and “female” (though they only refer to appearance this time, which could be argued is already the case in our world anyway - hi performative gender theory), or we make each combination its own gender - so we now have alpha-m, alpha-f, beta-m, beta-f, omega-m and omega-f.

Betas do really ruin this entire thing because now, suddenly, omega and alpha don’t give away the bodily function anymore, the terms female and male do (because they’re normal humans), so in order to be consistent, they should actually be called beta-a and beta-o....

So the next argument is whether or not bodily difference would contribute to “homosexuality” in the universe to begin with -- as an example, the fitness of people in our world. You can be attracted to thin or chubby or muscly people (the visual factor), but just because you’re chubby and your partner is as well, you aren’t gay. Because homosexuality refers to the sexes, but those are distinctly visually defined in our world, whereas appearance doesn’t give away your A/B/O, it’s your pheromones (and those are the same across alpha-f and alpha-m).

If we take the performative / aesthetic definition of homosexual attraction, then I’d argue it is still gay if two -m variants get together, at least per our definition, even if the reproductive function is different (oh hi, performative / aesthetic gender theory).

If we don’t, then only alpha x alpha or omega x omega can be considered homo, including alpha-m x alpha-f.

Tori bashes fulfillment fantasy

I’m aware, once again, that it’s effectively the point. As long as it's omega/alpha it's essentially the A/B/O equivalent of straight, both in “function” (pregnancy) and socially (accepted etc). And that’s a fantasy, of course, it’s a universe where you can have someone with a “male” body and still have kids and, well, be straight basically.

Which, I understand the want for being socially accepted, but I’m a bit iffy about the fantasy of essentially being straight, including pregnancy. I don’t know, it feels a bit like admitting “that way” (being gay) of life is not “ideal” and you SHOULD have all those “straight things”, for the lack of a better word. Fantasy affirms the Standard/perceived Ideal.

I’m also pretty sure that while a/a or o/o would be considered gay, a/b or o/b would just be a mess because it’s not accepted but it’s not EXACTLY homo either, it’s just completely deviant, though it would probably be treated like a/a or o/o. Especially when it’s a variant where betas can’t reproduce with a/o (somehow) (afaik).

I just can’t help but find irony in a universe that very much tries to make homosexuality part of the norm, but in the end only creates more “deviant” combinations that could and probably would be discriminated against.

And that’s why I found the “anyone can get pregnant” so thought-provoking, because if that was the case, that would firstly be a whole other mess biologically, BUT that would truly be an equivalent thing, as long as everyone can also impregnate. And on top of that, if everyone’s the same, then everyone is “homo” (attracted to the same), because there’s literally no other option sexes-wise. Big brain.

I kind of lost aim so I’m going to stop now. Maybe the goal was the Thinking About Performative Gender Theory we (I) did along the way.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

#omegaverse #a/b/o #tori talks #tori has opinions #deviating au

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corvidshipping · 3 years

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modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

#paper_heart.txt #s: i didn't say it's the smart thing. but it is the right thing #alcohol ment tw

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mousehole5000 · 3 years

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tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

#minors dni #reading this is weird its like wow this is pretty great actually im having a blast #and then there's these moments that are like...... hmmmm.#idk they havent been awful i just think theyre :/#still funny tho ill give it that #tgcf liveblog

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brookelynndyke · 4 years

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let’s talk... snatch game!!! (spoilers)

Maxi Challenge - Snatch Game

Runway: Frozen Eleganza

TOP TWO OF THE WEEK

Gigi Goode: girl when I tell you I was scared for her after that walk through... but she turned it out!!! she was so funny and honestly you could tell ru liked her snatch game more than any of the other judges. she did something original and I think that’s the main reason she won this week. now, her ice cream lady look was a bit basic but the concept and execution were flawlessly done. i’m so happy she opened up about her fluidity with gender this episode, a few tears were shed. she deserved her win.

Jackie Cox: god I’m soooo glad Jackie is finally standing out to the judges, it’s what she deserves!! jackie did Lisa Rinna, and you could tell she came so prepared and knew her shit! the only reason I think she didn’t win over gigi was because the housewives are quintessential snatch game and very easy to make funny. but when it came to her runway omg i loved it, it gave me very that fairy thing from legend of zelda, if someone knows its name please tell me. overall this was a great episode for jackie.

REDACTED: i understand editing her out of the episode as much as possible,, but i feel like her designer worked so hard that they should atleast show her runway...

SAFE

Heidi N’ Closet: heidi did leslie jones which was- a choice, i still can’t tell if it was a good one... but it wasn’t horrible. she got a few laughs but most of them fell flat. but then on the runway she turned it out in this glamorous all white fluffy giant full realized snow queen moment and i loved it.

Jaida Essence Hall: jaida did cardi b, which i thought was very her. she knows her personality she knows her character, jaida never had low points... its just that the laughs she got weren’t major just a few giggles here and there. on the runway she was serving you the cold never bothered me anyway realness cause those cutouts... girl amazing!

Jan: i was really hoping jan would do well in the snatch game but she kinda disappointed. she did Bernadette Peters and it was funny for like 5 mins and then i guess she just lost it. BUT SIS HER RUNWAY... jaw on the floor it was so amazing. this elsa to whitewalker fantasy was so well done.

Widow Von’Du: widow did Tina AND Ike Turner which was interesting,, personally it just wasn’t very consistent but she had some very good moments during snatch game. and now this might be unpopular but i LOVED HER RUNWAY SO MUCH, like that was an amazing concept and the dress had an amazing silhouette, i wish we could have seen it better with less of a life preserver and, more icicles on her face and around her body. thats what wouldve made it that much better.

BOTTOM THREE

Crystal Methyd: the scream of relief that came from my body when she was safe was unbelievably loud. Crystal’s, Poppy was crazy accurate and it was sad that Ru didn’t know who she was. Despite the accuracy she struggled to make it funny. BUT THEN ON THE RUNWAY, ugh i loved it sm, this mr freeze pyjama fantasy,,OMG! it was like so well made and fit her so well.

Aiden Zhane: so aiden did Patricia Quinn and long story short it was bad, she didn’t have an accent and landed no jokes, idk if you guys have seen but patricia quinn actually replied with her opinions bashing aiden, which is kinda rough because she said herself she looks up to her. but then aiden did well on the runway, it was a cute yeti moment and probably the most glamorous we’ve seen her yet.

Brita: ugh im so tired of brita she gets on every single one of my nerves. her jennifer holliday was bad and not funny literally ever. i also have a bone to pick with her runway because it wasn’t giving me frozen at all, more of a iridescent eleganza. don’t get me wrong she looked beautiful but in my eyes it didn’t fit the theme.

THE LIPSYNC

honestly don’t waste your time watching it if you haven;t already, it was boring and a very tight race until brita has her little magic moment. instead go watch jan’s jukebox and do yourself some good.

OVERALL

the episode was very good, with great performances and horrible performances. it was lowkey an emotional rollercoaster tho, 10/10 would watch again

#ep6 breakdown #rpdr #rpdrseason12 #rupauls drag race #gigi goode #jackie cox #heidi n closet #widow von'du #aiden zhane #brita #brita filter #jan #jan sport #crystal methyd #jaida essence hall #snatch game #frozen

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armedinkblot · 4 years

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fuck, and i cannot stress this enough, andrew hussie

hes a racist, performative lgbtq ally.

his comic raised a bunch of kids to be empathetic, sure, but it also made light of domestic and sexual abuse to the point where people STILL ship it (stridercest), portrayed alcoholism as one sip and then you pass out (roxy), lets not forget the one time jade said she was "feeling caucasian" which was changed to "feeling peachy", and can i remind yall of meenah and condesce? that the way he portrayed them was completely and utterly offensive in every way?

literally. i know they were supposed to be nicki minaj ripoffs but portraying a character with no race as an offensive stereotype of black women is horrible? they have no race but everyone knew they were supposed to be black bc they fit all the negative, harmful stereotypes: loud, greedy, rude, aggressive.

june egbert was only canonized bc some fan found a toblerone and decided it, not for representation. john never found any discomfort in being a cis male. ever. nowhere in the comic does he ever suggest that. but some fan found a promotional candy bar and wanted it. there is no representation there at all. no progression into him discovering his gender, no dysphoria, nothing.

and heres a controversial take: enby roxy is also shit representation because she also never had any form of dysphoria and, on multiple occasions, even loved flaunting herself. she has no progression into becoming nonbinary, like john. no, the epilogues werent written by hussie, but that doesnt excuse him not saying "hey no dont write that, thats outta character"

instead he was like "okee" and i guarantee you roxy was only made an enby bc it would get the homestuck hype back up and make it trendy and cool. itss a shame bc they already had a pretty trans coded character they coulda gone with and have it make sense: dave.

its sad bc i read the comic from the beginning; it started when i was in high school. freshman year. i was 13. looking back on it now, it... really hasnt aged too well. the shock humor and racial stereotypes really stand out now that im 24. the epilogues and homestuck 2 really just add insult to injury with jane being... how she is. the characters have been boiled down to their bare minimum and there is a lot happening that would never happen in the original homestuck??? like what the hell was up with the rose/jade thing i really dont understand rose would never cheat on kanaya im sorry but thats just so far out of character im beyond angry about it

it makes me sad but i think im finally grown out of it. i cant look at it the same anymore. i dont really wanna cosplay from it either. i never thought i would free myself from hussie but here i am.

anyway sorry for the text wall and i know people are gonna get mad about these points but there are actually so many more points i could add and make this wall longer. if you have anything to add feel free but im done here.

#homestuck #homestuck sucks #racism #transphobia

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midoriyaizukustan-inactive · 4 years

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everyone shut the fuck up and CONSIDER trans girl iida

she supposes she always knew unconsciously that there was something different about her but she never rlly put much thought into it until some ppl in the class come out as trans* (like aoyama’s genderfluid, tokoyami’s a demiboy, nd tsu and jirou are trans girls)

and as class rep, but also (and arguably more importantly) their friends, iida wants to make sure she can make them as comfortable as possible abt coming out so she does some research nd stuff. like she knew trans people existed and were valid nd such before but she wanted to get more than just the basic facts

and shes happy for her friends! shes glad they trusted their class enough to tell them, shes glad she can be there for them. but she also notices that she feels rlly...weird? and she keeps doing research just because.......its interesting. but she doesnt know why she finds it so interesting?? and she gets kinda insecure abt that

so she keeps diggin into it and reads posts that trans ppl have made abt their experiences and just classic shitposts nd all that. she thinks the community is great!! and also she finds some fresh wholesome memes to share w her friends so its all the better. right?

but eventually she finds a community of trans girls specifically and she just absolutely COMBS through that. reads every single post there that she can find. but coincidentally she also feels even more insecure now bc shes starting to unconsciously question her gender nd stuff and lets be real folks. an identity crisis is not fun

couple this with the fact that she doesnt experience the traditional dysphoria(tm) that other trans girls seem to universally share, iida gets rlly down abt it. nd it gets to the point she rlly raaaaags on herself for still lookin thro these posts nd stuff and still subtly questioning herself and shes just rlly unhappy at the time :[

nd she doesnt wanna like make tsu or jirou uncomfortable so she doesnt wanna ask them abt it but shes so confused nd frankly hurt and she doesnt know what going oooonnnn with herself

so shes just in this complete funk for a while nd it starts to affect her grades and performance in training. her friends know smths up but iida doesnt know how to even explain how shes feeling so its not necessarily that she doesnt WANT to go to her friends but she literally does not know how to. anyway eventually aizawa keeps her after class and is like “ok iida smths up im gonna call tensei if u dont talk to me”

iida feels absolute HORROR at the prospect of tensei somehow finding out abt this bc oh shit what if he doesnt want her carrying on the name of ingenium anymore??? what if he thinks shes a freak??? what if he thinks shes not really a girl and shes just faking it to be special?? what if- and oh shit thats the first time iida rlly consciously thought to herself “im a girl but what if others dont think i am?”

so she kinda bursts into tears and aizawa internally is like “oh jesus what the fuck” but externally hes like “iida?? r u ok?? was it something i said?? oh fuu- is something wrong with tensei??” and iida just kinda speaks thro her cries like “no nothings wrong with tensei something’s wrong with me” and ill be real folks its real sad girl hours for a bit

anyway iida doesnt rlly elaborate much beyond that bc shes so ashamed and embarrassed but aizawa is like “u’ve gotta talk to someone iida ur friends r worried and frankly i am as well” and iida eventually promises to talk to someone

soo she comes to terms that since she so confused it would be best to ask tsu and jirou abt it even if shes,,,,so v concerned,,,abt making them uncomfortable. but she manages to convince herself that she rlly does need some guidance here and better to ask ppl who know her than ask on the internet sooo

thankfully while iida is working up the courage to ask tsu and jirou to talk, she finds posts derailing terf and truscum shit so she feels. a lot lot better abt everything but particularly the lack of any intense dysphoria she had after reading stuff like that, esp the more verified(tm) articles from the more verified(tm) authors (like doctors and psychoneurologists and such)

so she figures out how she wants to word her questions nd asks tsu nd jirou to meet up. tsu nd jirou agree right away bc all of class 1-a is worried abt their class rep at this point :[ so theyre happy shes finally reaching out

iida is kinda a disaster when tryin to talk but she gets her point across. like “uhh this is a rlly bad way to ask but how did u guys know u were,,,trans?” nd tsu immediately catches on but jirou is only a lil suspicious until further into the conversation

anyway eventually jirou catches on the same as tsu and thats when tsu asks “iida do u think ur trans??”

nd iida is sooooooooo tired of feeling ashamed bc damn. she does think shes trans! she does. she shouldnt feel guilty for how she feels she cant help that. so after takin a moment to steel herself she says “yea” as confidently as one can in the situation

tsu nd jirou r immediately supportive nd ask iida for more details abt how shes feeling nd iida is just,,,so happy,, since shes already on an honesty streak that afternoon, shes able to roughly get her wack emotions into words nd tsu and jirou are like “yea thats valid ur valid iida. it doesnt matter if u dont have the trademark dysphoria or that u didnt know until later in life like ur still young. u say ur a girl, ur a girl” iida cries but only a bit bc damn months of agonizing over this. we stan one trans girl trio.........

anyway tsu and jirou ask her how she wants to move forward i.e. transitioning or telling anyone, and iida hadnt even considered transitioning before bc it felt so out of reach but shes absolutely ECSTATIC at the thought of bein able to look more feminine and it Shows. tsu and jirou r like “ok mood we were like that too right before startin estrogen”

so the first unofficial trans girl trio club meeting ends w tsu and jirou promising to help iida ask recovery girl abt hormones and iida sayin she doesnt want to come out just yet to the class/anyone else in general and tsu and jirou respectin that. i love them yall

anyway after a few months, iida is ready to try hormone treatment so tsu and jirou help her ask recovery girl for a meeting nd r moral support for her while they go thro the process of like figuring out what dosage she should start w/, how long should she take it, when a check up appointment should be, if recovery girl should tell iida’s parents yet or nah, all that stuff. anyway after that, recovery girl gets her started on hormone treatment which iida is SUPER EXCITED abt and tsu and jirou tell her stories abt when they first started estrogen and AHHH I LOVE MY GIRLS SO MUCH FUCK

anyway eventually after some support from tsu and jirou via the unofficial trans girl club meetings and getting back on her feet confidence-wise, iida comes out to the class :,,,]]] theyre all super supportive and iida cries just a bit. tsu and jirou r so proud of her. aizawa is just glad his problem child #9 is feeling better

ashido and yaoyorozu get together and take iida shopping so she can have more feminine clothes which iida has a lot of fun w......shes never been necessarily big on shopping before (even if she is a part of the rich kid’s club lmao) but this trip is so EXCITING and ashido and momo r so happy for her and so ESCATIC to help her find some clothes and just oh my heart.......

the girls also have a sleepover during which they indoctrinate iida on all things traditionally feminine like makeup nd hair so that she knows the basics should she ever wanna mess arnd with that stuff. but also they just have fun doin normal things and just include iida in on being one of the gals nd iida is,,,so happy. tsu and jirou in particular r arnd her the whole night and wow my uwus they own them the unofficial trans girl club owns my uwus-

anyway so coming out and being accepted and transitioning is going so much better than iida thought it would be. she feels so safe and happy im crying.....anyway eventually some time later iida also gets permission to visit her family during a long weekend/short holiday w/e. nd while there she shakily but steadily comes out to her fam ofc her parents r so proud (her mom’s like ‘’ive always wanted a daughter yes!!! ily tenya’’) and tensei loves her all the same nd she cries a lil bit bc damn,,,,,,shes been fearing the exact opposite reaction for months

specifically she talks to tensei abt it for a little while and mentions her particular fears abt not being good enough to carry on the name “ingenium” nd he smiles at her nd is like “i would rather no one else but my little sister to carry on the name of ingenium” and bruh shes absolutely floored

nd yea. midoriya and uraraka absolutely love love love iida shes still their absolute fav. she joins the unofficial class 1-a trans* club as well as accidentally forms the unofficial class 1-a trans girl club. we love her,,,,

but yeah thats it. this post is so fucking long but oh well. stan iida!

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gretaes-blog1 · 4 years

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yup ! i’m nearly the last one to post my intro i think ( ︶⌒︶ ) took five naps.. head going boom boom. but hello!!!!!!!! i’m jay , i’m twenny one and livin breathin the eastern timezone. i am very excited to introduce u my baby greta. my intro will not do her justice but i hope time will. if i haven’t imed u already pleeeeeeeeeeease reach out to me ( even if u are stuck on plots ) we’ll brainstorm something really good. i’ll be switching between ims and my discord ๑•ૅㅁ•๑#4035 for convenience. i promise to get to everything as soon as i can. ill say the end cause i never know how to end those byeeee

𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 here and do i have the tea for you . greta is back on campus , which is surprising considering the threatening note i left them . yes , i know all about how she hides her sexuality to maintain a relationship with her conservative family because of their greed . imagine the tabloids and how the navarro family would feel for such information to come out , not to mention the reputation of kappa because of their actions . at this rate , she is better off staying put in palo alto , california and living off that 7.9b family net worth . what’s the point in studying pharmaceutical science with plans to create accessible healthcare , is it worth it with what i know ? anyways , they may want to continue to be ambitious & reliable because the domineering & sarcastic attributes make me want to spill . ( alexa demie , j , est ) .

family ties

the name navarro has definitely been painted gold for a while. greta is the child bruno navarro who was passed down his fortune of nava pharmaceuticals - an internationally recognized healthcare company which deals with pharmaceutical merchandise and diagnostics

she has two brothers which would’ve undeniably been first in line to take their father’s place if they played their cards right

her mother was an ambassador for the company but her voice always meant very little. she never complained though.. being ambassador meant long business trips to places she would never get a chance to visit and live a lavish life without being too burdened

greta was awfully competitive though and never let herself be thrown to the side. the female roles instilled in her brain seemed like a waste of time and she wanted to be the best , especially in things that others told her she wouldn’t be

when she was little, it was about the adrenaline of proving everyone wrong but when she got older, she realised her need to succeed and be seen was more deep rooted than that. it wasn’t unusual for greta to feel alien to her parents but seeing as all her private school friends could relate, it didn’t bother her too much. it was the values instilled in her family that were a harder pill to swallow

at the dinner table, greta had to listen to slurs thrown left and right at people who didn’t fit into their conservative agenda. she had to sit through an hour of her father chanting about gender roles and sickening politics that put everyone , except his own empire , at the bottom of the food chain. they knew their power and the only goal was unwavering cash flow

and that is about the only thing greta and her family had in common. her GREED. although her morals didn’t align with the values of her father , her eyes were set on the price. breaking the tradition of men owning their biggest investment and becoming the chief officer of nava pharmaceuticals. and if biting her tongue and faking a smile meant knocking the king over from the top of the food chain then.... CHEck MATE Bitch <3

but obviously, its not easy living under pressure. especially when the reality is so far from the mask u wear to get what u want

meet greta

under that mask is a greta that is the complete opposite of what her father painted her out to be. she is independent, sometimes even selfish . she is strong and brilliant. she’s determined and ambitious . she challenges herself , she’s eager to excel, to be more than the best. she wants to surprise people with the extend of what she’s capable of. i honestly don’t think greta has even dreamed of what she wants to achieve yet ????? but she knows she has a deep yearning for it. the feeling of bliss and a peace of mind when you’ve gotten everything u worked so hard for.

unfortunately, it’s important to take time and recenter urself from time to time in the chaos of striving for perfection. greta has lost that ability and often impulsively runs off the tracks. u won’t ever see her tripping over her feet at the party but u will probably catch her lying about the amount of alcohol she had if u are sober enough to notice. she’ll let u unbutton her shirt, only if u promise not to tell. she’ll tell u she’s okay and she thinks she is even if she really isn’t

greta was good in everything except in love. it was hard for her to entertain one night stands unless she had steam to blow off , she always had something more productive to do. she’d lie in bed and battle those thoughts, wondering if she’s only making excuses .... after all , she’s a pretty girl. but those who got to taste her cherry lips were always left with the memory they were told not to share with anyone. she would always find excuses, letting good things pass her by. she didn’t know then what was causing her scattered affection. but it was often because in order to know what u want, u can’t censor thoughts and treat them as distractions. greta has always treated romance as a distraction and consequently, she never let herself reflect on what makes her happy for too long. but, of course , sleepless nights would often lead to her having to face herself. truly. she would think about the people she considers her friends and how she hopes she doesn’t lose them in the process, she daydreams about the future and freedom to speak her mind even when the voice in her head tells her not to. and she thinks about girls..... a lot

greta hasn’t thought about it enough to put her sexuality on a spectrum. she knows she’s dated boys and she liked it. but, it’s also the only thing she’s known. having her family instil in her brain that being attracted to the same sex is not right and knowing that she needs to play her cards right to be considered worthy of the fortune, it was settled. she would dig a hole in the ground and bury those thoughts deep down under. knowing that if her family finds out she’s been with girls or even felt attracted to them????? her dreams would be crushed and she would be lucky to still sit at the dinner table.

she battles those thoughts and often gets caught up in them. kissing girls in places where nobody sees and keeping it a secret or turning to lying, saying they’re pathetic for falling for it. basically being a shitty person because she knows there is no way she could ever get away with it??? safe to say, having to feel guilty for the things u cannot change, doesn’t make her the happiest kid on the playground and with knowing how word travels fast, it makes her paranoid to even consider risking her future for that. she continues to strive for perfection instead of wholeness :/

on a lighter note.... she obviously studies pharmaceutical sciences. she sees a future for the company that her father fails to acknowledge. her father doesn’t know it but she aims to take the empathic route and use her fortune for a better cause.. to help make healthcare accessible for all. she’s got the fattttttest heart i tell u and believes in good karma.

i said this in the app and ill say it again........... Loves cheese bread. honestly bribe her with cheesy bread i dare u. it will work ( almost always )

runs track.... Just as good at this one as she is in running away from all her problems. Stellar performance

reads those motivational books.. ( yup. those )

studies hard. really will study all night and fall asleep with a notepad on her face and highlighter stain on her forehead. again, anywhere where she has to compete for first place, she will do anything to get that first place. and if she doesnt ???????? shes a thunderstorm. angry music plays in the background. she storms off. lips pursed. and takes days to recover

really loves mysteries. and crosswords. the process of figuring out how to get from point a to point b... thats greta.

and if she doesnt focus and set boundaries in her head, she doesnt know where to finish. she is the most Opinionated bitch. like she has a strong opinion about everything. even whether tomato is a fruit or vegetable. like she knows its a vegetable. Ok?

she’s the biggest know it all!!!!!! she won’t ever shake on anything and if it comes to it, she will stand by her words until she’s thought about it in her bed for days ( even made a list of rights and wrongs to weigh out how truly “””””’wrong””””” she is ) it’s hard for her to back down. of course.... she definitely is wrong sometimes even if she claims otherwise </3

basically always a spitfire... always thinks shes right. and to be fair , she kind of always is. greta is stubborn and sarcastic. her facial expressions are transparent ( almost to a fault ) and she has an unwavering determination to be the best....at everything. she wants to be in control of everything in her life, unfortunately thats not always possible and that’s when greta finds herself feeling tense, paranoid and anxious. but she’s got a good head on her shoulders... she’s curious and easy to feel comfortable around even though she is bad tempered

kind of stupid extras

neat freak..... bacteria be gone!!!!!!!!!!

always called her parents by their name

doesn’t really have a relationship with her brothers but its because they treat her as less and she will not have that so again keeps contact to a minimum and bites her tongue when need be

pays attention to her nails.... really likes when theyre painted pretty

has a butterfly necklace.. its a symbol she can relate to :)

here’s the pinterest !!

and the playlist !!!!!

and stats but theyre so bad. ill fix them later </3

beep me reach me for the wanted connections page weeeeeeee

#holling:intro

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