#made it clear that it could not be a safe and healthy relationship for either of us

[fleurriee]

— wanted desires ; neteyam sully

pairing ; neteyam sully x fem!pregnant reader

synopsis ; too worried about being rough on you, neteyam won’t allow himself to give into his desires, despite you having never looked more ravishing. but, it’s simply been too long for you, and you can hold yourself back no longer.

word count ; 4.4k

themes ; smut, fluff, established relationship (mates)

warnings ; explicit content: pregnant sex, p in v sex, breast play, nipple play, ear kissing, but all kinda sensual??

author’s note ; (in this, ive kinda just assumed that na’vi sleep naked) so this has slightly less dad!neteyam in it & more horny neteyam which im sorry about. i really can’t decide if im happy with it but i want to go along with the plans i have for this series & this was a chapter i’d planned a while back. i had originally planned this to be more smutty but as i started writing this i just couldn't bc even tho it's dad!neteyam who’s just 🥵 he'd be too scared to hurt you, so, we've ended up with this?? i PROMISE the next one is absolutely fucking adorable & will have everything people want when it comes to dad!neteyam!! this is part of my dad!neteyam series, which you can find in my masterlist below!

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Neteyam was everything you could've asked for... and more.

As you slowly but surely started to reach the end of your pregnancy, the last stages just looming over your shoulders, he was always there for you. You were becoming more irrational, and there was no doubt in your mind that you were annoying everyone you came into contact with. But, each and every one of them seemed to understand, and none better than Neteyam.

Your mate was constantly by your side - physically or mentally - tending to your every need and abiding by your every request. Hormones getting the better of you, you also started to take your problems and own annoyances out on him. It was completely unfair and it always made you feel incredibly guilty and horrible in the end, crying your eyes out in your mate's arms as all you could do was apologise profusely.

But, not once did he hold it against you. No - instead of taking every harsh word you uttered to him to heart, instead of truly believing that you meant them, he allowed the blows and the insults to be thrown his way, soaking them in until your temper died down and there was nothing but an exhausted, drained and broken girl in front of him. After that, he'd soothe your apologies, caging you in his arms protectively, stroking both the top of your head and your expanding stomach whilst he assured you he understood that you hadn't meant all those words, that it was okay.

He'd insist that he didn't mind taking such aggravation, not when you were doing all the hard work... not when you were carrying his entire world on your shoulders.

To no surprise of anyone, his family were as perfect as they could be, too, always either giving you a helping hand, or steering clear less they want to say the wrong thing. It was obvious from the very start of the stark differences between the two sides of Neteyam's - and, you guess, your own - family.

When it came to those that were always supportive and understanding, it was always the girls. Neytiri would constantly make sure that you were the most comfortable in any situation you found yourself in, wanting to ensure that the mother was safe and healthy before anything else; Kiri was, without fail, bringing you different concotions made by both herself and Mo'at that helped ease your pain and soothe your anxieties; and Tuk, consistently babbling about how excited she is to finally meet her niece or nephew, planning out how all she's going to do when they arrive is dote on them. Each of them had created their own roles to play in your pregnancy, and each one comfortably took your mind off the worries that were swirling around, believing that simply nothing could go wrong when you had such beautiful people around you all the time.

On the complete other side, there were the boys. Both Jake and Lo'ak were different stories compared to the rest of their families - whilst the two of them were as excited and eager to meet your baby, too, neither one of them wanted to really get too involved, something that didn't exactly bother you, rather just making you giggle at their reactions. They gave you as much space as possible, too scared to get too close in case they either annoyed you or did something wrong. Whilst Jake had done this many times before, gone through several of these similar experiences with his own mate, he didn't want to overstep any boundaries between yourself and his eldest son, considering he had no idea what it was like carrying a baby for so long. And, Lo'ak... Lo'ak was just scared of his older brother.

After all, you were now considered delicate, and they knew if something happened to you, they'd be on the feral side of Neteyam... something neither of them particularly wanted to experience any time soon.

But, there was one thing that you couldn't stand during all of this, and, surprisingly, it wasn't anyone else trying to help.

It was Neteyam, and the fact that he wouldn't touch you.

Way more often than you were used to, you found yourself feeling sexually frustrated, the only thing you needed being for yourself and Neteyam to be intimate in the same way that got you in this situation in the first place. You narrowed your sudden feelings down to the fact that it had been so long - whilst the two of you never really had sex all the time before becoming pregnant, after being denied of your wants for an excruciatingly long period of time now, you were slowly teetering over the edge.

And, it wasn't as though you weren't trying, either. Your attempts of kissing him sensually, gaining beautiful-sounding moans out of him before he forced himself away from you; touching him explicitly, feeling him shudder under your grasp, before he moved himself impossibly further away from you, eyes scrunched tight as he held himself back; laying yourself bare for him when he go home, before he sighed dejectedly and shook his head, doing his damn best to ignore you... all to waste.

Neteyam just couldn't stand the idea of hurting you or the baby.

Sure, you guess you could understand where he was coming from, too, considering neither of you had been in this situation before, having no idea if having sex could harm either one of you, and the both of you were too prideful to ask someone else about it. So, you were stuck in what felt like a never-ending loop, enjoying itself as it tortured you blissfully.

But, you had never been so frustrated in your entire life.

The day had, once again, been a long and tiring one for the two of you, trying to let sleep overtake your entire senses and succumb to the world beyond. You were lay down upon your mat, the two of you on your sides - something that always felt more comfortable against the pains in your stomach, so Neteyam was happy to oblige - as your mate's front curls into your figure, his tail automatically wrapping itself around your bump protectively, like it always did, like a ritual.

That's when you started to feel it.

Your mind was beginning to deny you of any sleep anyway, your arousal once again getting the better of you as it painted your wanted desires within the forefront of you mind's eye until there was nothing else you could think of. But, it seemed as though Neteyam was feeling something, too - a bulge poking against your lower back, throbbing gently every now and again like it was demanding your attention, like it was excited.

For a moment, you wondered if Neteyam had even noticed his own predicament, considering he was the one so desperate to not engage in this way, and now he's aching. It's ironic that the roles have suddenly reversed, and you wonder how next to play this out.

Taking in a shuddering breath when you feel his tail subconsciously stroke against your skin, you weigh up your options - you could either ignore it completely, knowing it'll be a fight to get him to give into you, allowing the sultry thoughts within your mind to be the only release you'd get... or, you could take control for yourself.

In no time at all, you decide upon the latter. It wasn't much of a decision to make, either, too wrapped up in the sensations you knew only he could give you, wanting nothing but him all over you.

You start of with the barest of movements, not wanting to completely pounce on him in surprise, knowing that if you did, he'd get angry. The best way to get him to give in was always going to be to get him weak. Fidgeting about in place, barely moving, you pretend as though you're subconsciously trying to get comfortable - after all, who was he to say that you weren't when carrying a Na'vi around constantly?

A small moan sounds behind you, under his breath like he hadn't meant for it to spill from his lips, but it already has you smirking slightly. Instantly, you know he wants this just as much as you do, and if your plan works how you intend it to, you'll both be falling asleep blissful and satisfied after too long of denying yourselves.

Your next step is start rubbing your ass against his bulge, but ensuring your movements stay slow, so as not to arouse him so suddenly. At the feel of him against you in such a sensual way, a breathy sigh leaves your lips, eyes fluttering closed as you forget how much you truly enjoyed the feel of his cock anywhere on you.

Just as you’re enjoying yourself, your ass continuing to rub painfully slow against his excitement, there's a rough hand placed firmly along the side of your hip. It's not too tight a grip, not wanting to hurt you or possibly bruise you, but it's enough to hold you down in place and stop your movements from carrying on any further. "Stop," Neteyam almost demands, voice gruff as though he's just woken up, which means he'd been dreaming about taking you like he always loved to.

His one word command does practically the complete opposite of its original purpose, however - instead of listening and giving into him, it only seems to fuel your fire, adding on to your already painful arousal. The way he said the word, sounding so authoritative and annoyed and just sexy has you wanting more, more, more. It definitely wasn't in his plans to have you reacting such a way, but you couldn't help yourself anymore, too far gone. This was the closest you'd been to one another in this way for too long.

Your response to him is a whimper, pathetic and pleading, as you force your hips to move once more despite him hand still placed firmly on you. When your ass brushes against his cock again, he hisses, the sensation no doubt sending him into overdrive, whilst his fingers hold a tighter grip, automatically indenting themselves into your skin.

"Please," you whine, breaths uneven and you were barely even touching each other. "Neteyam, please."

There's a brief moment of silence that lingers between the two of you as your words evaporate into the surrounding air, yourself guessing that it's now Neteyam's turn to weigh up the options set out before him. Unfortunately, he knows you like he knows the back of his own hand, meaning it's obvious straight away that you wont give in now that you're this close to getting what you want. Besides, despite having seen you plead for him to just touch you before you fell pregnant in a way that had him excited, he's never heard you like this - desperate, anguished, and downright aching.

It makes him feel more thrilled than he'd like to admit - especially to you, right in this moment.

With a sigh of defeat, Neteyam knows there's not much else he can do other than give you what you want - although, he could change how he does it. He removes his hand from your waist, tail staying still in its place like always, fidgeting about. You're unsure as to what exactly he's doing, not words or explanations exchanged, rather just letting him do what he wants. For a second, you wonder if your plan had backfired, and he was moving further away from you, or possibly even leaving. The thought has your heart aching in displeasure.

But, then all thoughts are wiped from your mind when you begin to feel a gentle prod against your soaked entrance, subconsciously lifting one of your legs slightly higher in the air at the sensation, before Neteyam is sheathing himself fully inside you. His hand closest to you wraps around your elevated leg to relieve you of the annoyance of lifting it up yourself. When all you can really feel is Neteyam, no longer empty but warm and full, a guttural moan escapes your lips before you can trap it, your hand coming up to slap over your mouth, eyes closed tightly as you take him whole.

You hadn't truly realised how long it had been since you last felt him this way until now. Curse him and his damn protective instincts.

In just seconds, you want nothing more than to chase more of that feeling, more of that euphoric sensation, rubbing yourself impossibly closer to him as the tip of his cock hits such a sweet spot, you're sure you're with the Great Mother in some type of beautiful heaven right now.

Before you can go any further, though, Neteyam's palm finds your hip again, stopping you in place and this time, you don't bother trying to hold yourself back. The whimpers and whines that leave your throat at such a denial are mewling and pitiful, writhing about to relieve yourself of his hold, but he's relentless. Somehow, his entire body is closer to you than it was last time, faces inches away from one another as he brings his lips to your ear. At first, all you can decipher are breathless pants as his chest heaves up and down from trying to hold himself back. "No," he grunts, puffing as he attempts to gain control once more, "we're not doing that. We're going to stay like this - that's the best I'll give you."

This time, it's a groan that falls from your lips, one that sounds almost painful but you're too annoyed to care, cursing out everything for Neteyam being such a gentleman. All you want is for him to fuck you - was that so much to ask? You're not even sure if the situation you've put yourselves in is any better than having nothing, either, because now you can feel all of him entirely, can feel how excited he is to finally be inside you as his cock throbs in pleasure at being snuggled between your walls. Now, it just feels like a taunt of what you could have.

He chuckles softly against your ear at your reaction, still having not moved - and he probably wouldn't now, not unless he wanted to really feel you. The teasing smile is wiped off his features after a second, however, and replaced by one of sympathy, words becoming softer than they were before. "I'm sorry, muntxate (wife), I really don't want to hurt you or our 'evenge (girl)."

There's just a brief split second where his loving words filter through you and knock your senses apart - of course, he wouldn't want to hurt his girls, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he ever did. The idea of anyone harming either of you drove him insane, let alone the cause of your pain being him. But, your fleeting emotions cascade into ones of just pure desire, filtering in one ear and out the other until your mind is nothing but a hazy cloud, panting desperately for more.

You give yourself a moment to just breathe, to not hyperventilate at the exultant feeling of him fully inside you. Neteyam assures that his grip stays firm against your hip, not wishing to relent against his own commands so easily, but he does rub his thumb in a soothing circle, painting your skin with a reminder of how much he loves both you and your child.

You're quick to move your hips again, eyes staying closed as you imagine everything he could be doing to you right now, rubbing yourself against him entirely. Immediately, your mate tightens his fingers in his grasp, a clear warning sign for you to stop in your teasing, to just bask in the embrace of one another and say that's enough.

Yet, it isn't enough. It's nowhere near being enough for you. There's a feeling of being slightly impressed at the restraint he's showing to you, and irritated all the same, until another idea comes to your mind.

Smiling a little smugly to yourself, already knowing what you're about to do next is something he definitely cannot resist based on the previous times you've done it, you clench your fluttering walls around his length, taking him whole and tightly. Your own actions cause a breath of blissful relief to pass through your slightly parted lips, loving the way you can feel his cock throb even more.

Another hiss sounds against your ear, his grip tightening, but this time, so does his tail as it continues to stay wrapped firmly around your bulging figure, the end vibrating in a fever of both agitation and anticipation. Even his body desires it, but he wont allow his mind to. He's starting to pant a little more frequently, too, now, like he's weakening at the seams, and that's when you know you have him exactly where you want him.

You continue to clench around him, bringing your hips up and down his length at a tantalisingly slow pace to ensure he feels every inch of you, hitting every spot of your walls. There's a feeling of triumph coursing through you when he no longer attempts to stop you in your teasing movements, knowing he's finally allowed himself to give into you entirely. Instead, the hand that was once gripping your hip snakes its way around your front, fondling against your breasts as he squeezes them sensually. When he moves to the other one, wanting to give it the same attention, he pinches your nipple, loving how sensitive they are due to your pregnant state, eliciting a deep moan from the back of your throat, no longer caring if anyone else can hear you.

"You're a little minx, you know that?" he taunts, words a harsh whisper against your ear but you don't care - not when the once slow movements between the two of you suddenly increase in their pace as Neteyam takes over. The alternating grip, too, against your breasts tightens, constantly squeezing them as he soaks in how swollen they feel. "Always getting what you want."

The tip of his cock repeatedly probes against that sweet, spongy part within you so beautifully as his thrusts continue to increase in their speed. Your mate almost feels feral with his actions, perhaps finally realising that he shouldn't have denied the two of you the pleasure of one another, not when you were so needy. Not wanting to stop clenching around him as he moves in and out of you in a relentless pace, you can feel your release quickly approaching already, no doubt having felt forsaken for so long - you're sensitive enough as it is being pregnant.

"Neteyam-" you moan beautifully, breathily, like a songcord to your mate's ears, sure he's never head you sound so ethereal before. You have to cut yourself off as you moan in pleasure when you start to feel his balls slapping sensually against your skin, the warm sensation within wrapping around you like a blanket, one you never want to get rid of.

He brings his head closer than it already was, burying his face within the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. Sometimes he wishes he could drown in your scent, more so than ever now that you're pregnant - somehow, you managed to emit an even more delicious scent than before. Sucking against your particular sweet spot he knows you adore having his attention on, he ensures to leave behind at least a small mark, wishing for the entire clan to know that you were his, even though you're carrying his firstborn, wanting to be sure.

Lips moving feverishly against your warm skin as he continues to fuck you at a pace that was relentless, your pleasing moans scratching against the back of your throat, he eventually finds himself at your ears, placing soft kisses against them. The sensation has them fluttering in satisfaction, but then he trails down to suck harshly against your jaw, and your breath stutters, whining. "Mmm," he hums against your skin, now resorting to placing gentle kisses when he was once rough. "What is it, sevin (pretty)?"

In all this time, whilst his mouth was focused elsewhere, not once had his thrusts faltered, loving the way you’re so drunk on him entirely.

"I'm - I'm so close, 'teyam," you mewl, eyes slightly rolling to back of your head as he grunts at yet another clench from you around his cock, before you close them shut when they start to tear up.

"I know," he agrees, words just a breathy whisper, already being able to understand how close you truly are from the way you feel around him. It feels like his mind is on fire as your walls flutter from being so close to release, clenching and unclenching around him, having lost its rhythm. His pants are becoming more erratic now, bearing down upon you, but it makes you feel alive. "I'm close, too."

Quickly, knowing that the two of you wont be able to last much longer, he brings his queue forward, the tendrils reaching out as he then connects it with your own awaiting one. Movements now becoming sloppy and uncoordinated, but continuing to hit right at your cervix, your eyes widen as you start to feel everything he currently is - all the love, the desire, the frustration - bathing in one another like two pieces of a puzzle only made for you two.

Burying his head back in the crook of your neck, hand moving down to caress your swollen baby bump - one that's just moons away from its expected day - he whispers sweet nothings against your skin, wanting to tattoo them into you so you'll never forget them. Words like I love you, you're so beautiful, I can't wait to make more, having you crooning somehow more than ever, feeling him peppering kisses to you now.

It's not long after that when the two of you are finally releasing together, explicit moans and grunts escaping your lips as your arousal's become spent. "Neteyam, Neteyam, Neteyam-" you repeat his name like a prayer, having never sounded more amazing to your mate.

You can feel the mixture of your cum with his against Neteyam's cock, awaiting the feeling of becoming empty and cold when he removes himself from you and lets it trickle between your thighs. But, nothing of the sort happens. Rather, your mate stays put, keeping his cock in your warmth, snug, and therefore, keeping all his cum pushed further in you - something he's always loved to do.

Eyes closed in bliss, mouth parted as you try to catch your breath, Neteyam gives your stomach a few tender taps, garnering your attention. Before you can fully move your head on your own, Neteyam's hand moves to cup the side of your face, bringing your noses together as you breathe one another in. He presses a forgiving kiss against your lips, letting them linger against one another, not wanting to pull away. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks, the worry and concern evident in both his tone, but also the way you notice his ears droop and eyes glaze over just at the thought.

Looking up at him, you give him the most loving smile you could muster, shaking your head adamantly. "No, ma'teyam," your words are gentle, soothing, "we're both okay, I promise." You make sure to kiss him again with the same softness he gave you, wanting to ensure he completely understood that you meant every word, that you were okay.

This time, when you pull away, he nuzzles your noses together in a domestic way he's started to do since a few moons ago - the same way he likes to do it with your stomach, like he's doing it with your daughter. Pressing his forehead against your own, his eyes never once leave yours, full of adoration and devotion. "I'm sorry I was neglecting you..."

Instantly, your heart sinks at his words, your hand moving up to caress his cheek soothingly like he does yours. You can hear the despair and brokenness behind his voice, and it only pains you further - Neteyam couldn't have been a better mate throughout this entire journey together, but he didn't understand that. He always thought he had to be perfect, that he had to do everything right straight away, but this was a journey you were experiencing for the first time together.

Neteyam couldn't neglect you if he tried. He's too doting, too domesticated, too tender to even think about doing such a thing.

"You do not need to apologise, my muntxatan (husband). I understand why you were worried - but you never neglected me, not once. You were just scared, and so am I..." you pause, your once sympathetic and caring expression turning teasing and menacing, "...but, now that we know that it doesn't do either of us any harm, maybe we could do it more often..."

He chuckles at your words, watching as you bite your lips in mock thought, attempting to hide the sultry smile playing at your lips. It's like your words instantly managed to clear his worry, feeling it dissipate at your loving reassurance, until his eyes were bright and his smile wide, looking down at you like you held the entire universe within you.

In a way, he supposed you did.

"I guess we could..." he relents, his own tone turning into one of teasing, too, smirking as he brings your faces closer into a sensual kiss. This one is all tongues and teeth clashing together, feverish in anticipation to experience more together now that the worries once clouding over the two of you had begun to part.

As his hands roam over your body, from your jaw, to your neck, to your breasts, and finally to your stomach, caressing every inch of your skin like you were a painting, he moves to hover over you, mindful not to put his weight on top of you. A giggle falls from your lips at his sudden change in demeanour, but that's soon swallowed by another deep kiss that has your breath dispersing almost immediately.

It was safe to say, with the amount of times the two of you came together as one just during that particular night, if you weren't pregnant beforehand, you definitely would've been after that.

taglist ;

@monahiiii @bakugouswaif @andraga12 @draiochtwrites @teyums @neteyamslovrr @tinkerbelle05 @netesanrr @lanasblood @camilo-uwu @queen190 @adrianarose7 @ttkttt @ayoungforeveruniverse-blog

#𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐑𝐑’s work ── ✎ #neteyam #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar 2 #neteyam fluff #neteyam smut #neteyam x reader #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam sully x you #neteyam x female reader #neteyam x fem reader #neteyam x pregnant reader #dad!neteyam #dad neteyam #dad neteyam series <3

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere!Stefan Salvatore Romantic Headcanons, please, I love everything you wrote ❤️🔥

❝ 🧛 — lady l: of course! I hope you like these headcanons, I made them in a hurry, but with love! And thank you, I'm very happy to hear that! ❤️❤️

❝tw: obsessive and overprotective behavior, mention of murder and toxic relationships.

❝🧛pairing: yandere!stefan salvatore x gender neutral!reader.

Stefan is very passionate and shows it in the best way possible. He's the traditional romantic, opening doors for you, holding your hand, and giving you gifts he thinks you might want. He puts you above everything and everyone, always prioritizing his desires above his own. You are very important to him and he will always show you how much he loves and cherishes you.

Stefan always makes a point of sending flowers unexpectedly, just to see your smile light up the room. He also loves writing old-fashioned letters, expressing his deepest feelings and making it clear how much you mean to him.

Besides, he loves surprising you with small gestures of affection, like preparing a romantic candlelit dinner or arranging special outings for the two of you. His dedication and attention to detail show how passionate he is about you. He may not necessarily eat food, but if you are human, he will be happy to prepare it for you.

But if you are a vampire, Stefan will make sure to give you his blood whenever you want. Although vampire blood isn't the most nutritious, he doesn't like the idea of ​​you feeding on other people, of touching them in such an intimate way. He prefers that you feed on animal blood, but he is aware that not all vampires are used to it, so he prefers to give his blood to you.

In addition to the fact that vampires sharing blood is something intimate, much more than any other thing, so it is another way for him to have you.

He strives to create memorable moments and share unique experiences with you, like watching the sunset together in special places or dancing under the stars on quiet nights. He loves taking you out, whether it's to Mystic Grill or somewhere fancier, it's always perfect by your side.

Stefan is an extremely attentive partner and concerned about your well-being, adapting his demonstrations of love according to your needs and preferences. His willingness to make you feel special and prioritized shows how committed he is to the relationship. And you better believe that he's very committed to you.

But he is suffocating. Stefan tries not to be possessive and not hover over you, but... He can't help it, it's his protective instincts screaming at him to never leave you alone. Not with so many threats lurking. What if you were hurt? Kidnapped or murdered? Stefan goes into a frenzy just thinking about it. No, you shouldn't be alone.

He knows it can be suffocating and stressful for you to have him hovering, but that's his nature. Even more so if you're human. Stefan will always be close to you, either by your side or on the lookout, but he will be there and at the sign of any danger you will be taken to a safe place quickly.

Stefan is jealous but he tries not to be too possessive because he knows it's not a healthy thing and if he loses control he could end up hurting you and that's something he would never forgive himself if he did. He usually scares away his potential threats to you but if they are too insistent, Stefan will gut them alive. There is no other option.

He's not a bad romantic partner, he's far from it. But if Stefan succumbs to his protectiveness, his obsession and his vampiric instincts... Nothing good will come of it. You are everything to him and he can't lose you. Stefan can't lose the one person who loves him deeply, the one person he loves more than anything. He can't lose you.

Even if you try to leave him, he will still lurk, like a ghost watching you. Stefan just wants to make sure you're okay and there's nothing wrong with that, right? Just keep your mind straight and give him all the love in the world and Stefan will make up you for it.

He would hate to force you to love him, but that's not off limits.

#the vampire diaries #tvd #yandere tvd #yandere the vampire diaries #stefan salvatore x reader #yandere stefan salvatore #yandere stefan salvatore x reader #headcanons #yandere headcanons #romantic yandere #x reader

[martellspear]

We don't know the entire story yet, so it's impossible to make a judgement like you're doing.

I'd argue that Elia was in fact in on all of Rhaegar's schemes to bring about prophecy. They both knew she couldn't have anymore kids, and so she allowed him to seek out a woman who could...Lyanna.

A crown prince must have more than 2 kids, Elia failed her only purpose. No wonder Rhaegar turned to Lyanna.

I mean, Dorne seems OK with anything so long as there's an agreement between all parties involved.

Robert didn't love any of the women he slept with. His vows meant nothing.

Rhaegar meant everything. He cared for Elia and his children, but also seemed to be in love with Lyanna. His vows had meaning, even if they were interpreted differently.

Hi, anon. I'll assume you've read "tolerate it" and that's what made you come here.

We don't know much about them but I highly doubt Elia was 100% on board with everything. I think he shared some aspects of the prophecy but can you, honestly, tell me that she would take part in the most humiliating moment of her life? Willingly?

"Jon Arryn and Robert and Lord Hunter joking a moment before what was happening dawned on them, Ned watching as Rhaegar was about to stop in front of his sister, mad Aerys glowering in the distance, Elia stiff-backed and trying to act as if nothing was wrong, Jon Connington probably looking vaguely sad, and so on." — source

That's what Paolo Puggioni, an artist George hired, said the author himself told him.

One of my darling moots put in words, better than I would ever be able to, thoughts about Elia and the polyamory relationship some people like to insert her into, you can read it here.

Yes, Elia could be accepting and supportive of others who do it, it's their life. But she's the Crown Prince's wife and future queen. Why would she even consider adding one more person to their relationship? Especially knowing the consequences of those? And not only for her personal life and her children; think about Dorne, the Stormlands and the North's reaction to such insult and pair it up with everything the war cost (Brandon and Rickard died before it even truly started). "But with Rhaegar being king-" George has made clear how fragile monarchy in Westeros actually is.

Elia would put her children in a dangerous position if she not only fully agreed to Rhaegar's plans but also welcomed Lyanna and his bastard. Additionally, I'd love it if you could point it out for me where it says a crown prince can't have only two children (seriously, I'd like to know). Elia gave him two healthy kids and it almost cost her her life, she didn't fail anything.

(consider this to be about book!rhaegar and lyanna; my thoughts on their show version couldn't be more different)

I don't think Rhaegar loved Lyanna at all. And sometimes it honestly felt like he'd rather if she died after giving birth. She was a means to an end. Personally, I believe he manipulated her and then either kept information from her (she wouldn't stay if she knew what happened to her brother and father) or kept her there against her will; two disgusting scenarios. Rhaegar was obsessed with the prophecy, he changed his entire lifestyle for it. If it was love, he could've abandoned his crown and gone to Essos 🤷🏻‍♀️.

If Elia was aware, why wasn't she in Dorne and completely safe? Why didn't Oberyn know of this? "No, but he goes after the Lannisters-" he wanted justice. Even if the person who set them up was Rhaegar, the one who gave the order was Tywin and the one who did it was his beast. Aerys and Rhaegar were not people he could go after, maybe in his afterlife.

More importantly, and I'll be repeating myself here, it doesn't matter if she loved Rhaegar or not or how deeply she did it. Rhaegar's bastard is a direct threat to her children and their future and I doubt Elia - or anyone who hasn't lost their wits - would happily comply with that.

I have done nothing but gathering information and filling voids, what most do in this fandom tbh. There's little we know of how it was like but Rhaegar did hurt Elia again and again; and I do believe he was fond of her, which only makes things worse.

I don't have to know his thoughts to know that some of his actions were disrespectful, hurtful and disgusting; Elia doesn't have to agree or be aware of his plans for crowing another woman QoL&B (and later run away with her) to be humiliating.

Rhaegar, and Rhaegar alone, handled everything with all the sensitive and grace of a reversing dump truck.

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #elia martell #oberyn martell #anti lyanna x rhaegar #anti rhaelya #rhaegar targaryen #chatterbox nia

[dotster001]

Hi! Since Aromantic awareness week is almost around the corner, may I ask for some queerplatonic relationship headcanons with the dorm housewardens? Also your writing is amazing, wish I could write that well lmao

Queer platonic Relationship HC's

Summary: aro! dorm leaders with aro!gn!reader

A/N:Guess who can finish things on time! 😂 Also, I had to look up what specifically a QPR was..and low key...when I talk about the relationship I want on my non aro days...I think this is what I want. Anyway, happy aro awareness week! Whether you're a full time aro, or on a spectrum like me, I hope you take this week to feel valid!

CW:discussions of the internal gaslighting that comes with being aro and ace, because at least for me that's important to discuss.

First Years

His favorite thing to do after a long day is sit next to you and quietly do homework or paperwork together. He feels so safe just sitting with you. He likes to lean over and look at what you're doing, before making a comment or a suggestion. He likes when you do it too.

Another thing he likes to do is straighten your outfit. Before you go out for the day, he gives you a once over, then straightens your tie and your collar, and retucks in your shirt, before giving you a nod and sending you on your way. It gives him a giddy feeling when he sees you later in the day, and your outfits is still as crisp and clean as the Queen would want.

You got Trey's strawberry tart recipe when he graduated. When Riddle has a particularly bad day, you've usually already figured it out and are baking a tart for him. He comes into the kitchen and slumps on the countertop, and just watches you. It's one of the few times he lets his posture slip, and lets himself whine about things. Then when it's finished, he gets the first slice, and you both get to enjoy it together.

He's only a cuddler on bad days. So you both have your own rooms. But cuddling is never off the table if it's needed. On either of your bad days, you can go to the other's room, and silently slip in beside them.

His biggest thing is he wants to coparent a hedgehog with you. Since you're both aro in these HC's, he figures this is his best opportunity. You'll both fight for hours on a name before deciding on something like "Rosebud" or "Queenie". He wants to make sure it's healthy, but also can't resist giving it surplus of treats. If you try to put it on a diet, both of them are going to pout at you until you cave.

He uses you to keep his mother off his back relationship wise. When she needs him to attend an event, you dress to the nines and become the "perfect trophy spouse". Both of you are the "perfect married couple" and it makes her rich friends and her bugger off.

Romantic or platonic, he's always on the lookout for a cuddle buddy. When he starts the relationship, he's very clear that he wants you to be his real life body pillow. And maybe that's how the relationship started, both of you wanting cuddle buddies with no (romantic) strings attached.

His spell drive teammates really like you. Because it means Leona will actually play, and play well. For Leona, it means everything to him that someone sees him as important enough to come see him. It makes him feel loved and supported, which gives him the energy to play.

He'll drive you anywhere you need to go. You being there for him is everything, so he pays it back by giving you rides, and just showing up for you. It's only fair. You support him, he has to support you. No one is allowed to feel second, not in his house.

Never stops calling you herbivore, but it definitely becomes an affectionate thing. He's thrilled when you start to call him carnivore. Loves sarcastic back and forth with you, especially when you are using your nicknames instead of your names.

You made out once. It was because he was curious if he was capable of romantic feelings, and felt like if they would be for anyone, they would be for you.  Obviously, you both got nothing from it, but at least you can say you tried if Farena gets too pushy about the specifics of your relationship. (He means well, he just gets excited when it comes to his baby brother)

He likes it when you stay with him when he works late. You don't even have to talk, just sit on the couch and read, or doodle, or nap while he finishes his paperwork. He likes to look over and see you doing stuff. He's not alone.

He wants cuddles, but he's self conscious about it at first. So you start out with two rooms. As he gets more comfortable with you, and learns you aren't going to tell him he was creepy and to fuck off,  he starts to formulate a plan. He asks you to wait with him in his office, and waits until you fall asleep on the couch. Then he slips in next to you, and you both wake up snuggled together. He did this a couple times, until you got used to cuddling and just came to him in the night. Does he know it was manipulative? Absolutely! Does he have the confidence to be normal? Nope.

The two of you team up to trounce Idia twice as hard, in board game club. Azul spends way too much time planning strategies, and gives you a PowerPoint presentation before every club meeting with what he is going to do, and what you are going to do. Idia hates that there are two of you now.

Gets migraines sometimes, and is incredibly appreciative when you let him lay in your lap and massage his temples, or run your fingers along his scalp. The twins tease him for being "weak" with you, but when he's got a migraine he can't bring himself to care. Plus he knows you'll kill the twins for him. You're great like that.

He cooks for you a lot. He pretends it's to test out new menu items, but growing up with Mama Ashengrotto gave him feeding people as a love language. No matter what you look like, he's always worried you're too skinny. He's still too self conscious if you try to flip the tables on him, but give him time, and he'll let you feed him too.

Probably started as a fake dating thing so that his family would stay off his back. He is the heir to essentially an empire, and is expected to find a partner! So, since you are on the same page, he turns to you in his hour of need.

He's always touching you. Especially the more animated he gets. When he's talking or telling a story, he touches your shoulder a lot, especially when he's talking about you to someone else. If he's not touching your shoulder, he's squeezing your knee, or laying his head on your shoulder, or…well I think you get it.

Calls you "his treasure" so often that people ask all the time if you are dating. You both always laugh and say no…but people ask it so often that sometimes you both start to gaslight yourselves, like, "are we dating?" Then something will happen that reminds you both you're aro, and it'll make you laugh all over again.

He always just knows how you feel, and is three steps ahead. If you're sad, you come home and he's already made you some food. If you're getting sick, he's already gotten medicine, laid out your pajamas, and made your bed super comfy for you. You don't know how he does it, he just seems hyper aware of everything when it comes to you! He just wants you to be happy!!!!

Because he's so important, you probably aren't allowed to live with him until he is head of his family, and can dictate his own life. So you have lots of sleepovers, where you stay up late, and gossip about everyone, and Jamil has to come in and yell at you both to go to bed! (Honestly, he's just like a mom sometimes.)

He likes to take you on shopping sprees with him, holding your hand and dragging you place to place, and paying for anything you so much as look at. Meanwhile, Jamil is trailing behind you both with the most exhausted expression on his face.

Bonus: he feels like the kind of aro that when people try to explain romantic attraction to him, he's like, "But I love everybody! 🤗" And then the people explaining it facepalm.

Vil likes to model his looks for you before he debuts them to the public. He knows they're good, but it's fun for him to put on a mini fashion show. He especially likes when you get excited about a look. Those are the ones he posts on his own magicam.

Vil hates it, but he's slowly picked up your speech patterns from how often you two are together. He'll be having a normal conversation, then he'll see Epel smirk, and Rook giggle, and he'll realize he said something that only you would say. It's embarrassing for him, but hilarious for Epel, who finally gets to correct his grammar.

He formulates a personal skin care product line for you. Everyone's skin is different, and it's Vil's love language to take care of people's skin, and help them achieve their "highest form". He'll even apply it for you, he'll do the hard parts. Just show up to his room at 7:30 pm sharp. Or he'll send Rook after you.

If you are okay with it, he likes to coordinate your makeup and outfits so that you both are matching. He already knows he is the fairest one of all, but he'd be willing to share the title with you. And dressing you up gets him so excited for the day. He's almost unrecognizable with how excited he gets when you are matching. He'll stand next to you while you both look in the mirror, and have the dopiest grin on his face.

He takes you out on spa days with him. You both get massages, and mani petis, and facials, and chat about all your woes and celebrity gossip. It's the most human anyone, except you, gets to see Vil. You know the people running the spa go home and brag about what they witnessed, but no one will believe them. Vil Schoenheit? Gossiping and laughing like a teenager? You must be drunk.

Bonus: Him and Rook had a QPR before you two, but they "split" amicably because Rook is too much of a lover, and needed more. Vil gets it though, and still allows Rook to dote on him when he needs someone to pamper.

The big thing in this relationship is emotional support. He "keeps you around" (his words) because he feels better when you guys hold hands. He'll bring you everywhere with him, because you holding his hand makes things better. He'll go places with you too, it's only fair. Ortho's just happy Idia is finally touching grass.

When he doesn't come to class in person, he likes to text you to see what you're up to. He gets giddy every time you text him back. He gets even more excited when you send him a meme with no explanation, and he gets to use his top notch brain to figure out what you are up to, and why it's relevant. 

Movie nights. A lot of them. He brings one of his fave obscure movies, and you both watch and critique them. He thinks you both should start a podcast so that others can hear your excellent opinions.

He's so chatty with you. He hasn't been uncomfortable having a conversation with you since when you first met. Other people ask how you got him to be so talkative, and you don't really have an answer? If Idia is feeling particularly annoyed today, he'll say something like, "Y/N is friend shaped, you aren't." Then continue the conversation as though he didn't just totally wreck that person.

Everytime he  has a new invention, you're the first to know. Then he gets excited and practices his speech with you. With others, he gets high and mighty, like he is all too aware of how much smarter he is. But with you he's patient. He answers all your questions, and even lets you test the invention out.

Despite being willing to leave his room for you, he still has bad days where it's just too hard. And he is so grateful to you when you go on snack/meal runs for him. He could cry when you bring him the food. You're sent from the gods. You have to be! No one but an angel would be so perfect and kind to him.

He could cry with happiness when you let him babysit Grim. He has a whole plan; games they can play, food he can feed him, hours of petting scheduled in…he's so pumped! He's hoping you'll see he can co parent more cats with you in the future.

Look, I already HC Mal as Ace (it's fine if you don't, that's just my opinion). I feel like he's the aro ace that just…never gets it? He'll have his arm wrapped around your shoulders for moral support, and people will be like, is that your mate? And he'll just look really confused like…no? He does a QPR so naturally, that it's never actually "official". You're just kind of the person who lives in his castle, cuddles with him, and is there for every major life event he goes through. No big deal. 

He gets a little jealous when you hang out with another friend, like Sebek or Silver. He knows you don't mean anything by it…but you're his best friend, right? They're just secondary friends, right? No, he's not pouting, but yes, he would like to join you, thanks for asking.

Draconic instincts are to hoard, and deck out their loved ones in shiny things. You'll find random shiny trinkets on your pillow when you wake up, like you just got visited by the tooth fairy. He's acting like an excited puppy if you wear or display the things he gives you. He'll bring it up to everyone you see. "Doesn't Y/N look great in that bracelet? That's one of the best pieces from my hoard. 😊" If you give him shiny trinkets and rocks back, he'll treat them like the most precious things in his life. He'll be giving diplomats a tour of the castle, and they'll arrive at a pedestal with a single rock on it, and he'll proclaim it "the kingdom's greatest treasure!"

Makes this face all the time when he's around you: 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

You're his guest of honor at every single event. And he always announces your entrance like you are the most powerful person in the room. "I would like to present Y/N L/N, the greatest human to ever live, and my best friend!" More than one diplomat has been very confused by who the fuck this human is. 

The nicknames, oh my God the nicknames. Think Anne Perkins and Leslie Knope. "Y/N, you beautiful tropical fish." "Y/N, you beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox." "Y/N, you tricky minx." He could give Rook and Floyd a run for their money with his nicknames for you. (Honorable mention to the time he called you "the most precious child of man to ever child of man.")

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #aromantic #riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #leona kingscholar #twst leona #twisted wonderland azul #twst azul #azul ashengrotto #twst kalim #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #twst vil #idia shroud #twst idia #malleus draconia #twst malleus #aromantic reader

[tallsc]

AvA Orange and Red: Character Dynamic Analysis

I would like to preface this analysis with recognizing that all of the Color Gang have a very close bond. Orange, Green, Blue, Yellow, Red, each and every one of them care so much about each other and absolutely would sacrifice themselves to save the others, and this analysis doesn't make that any less true.

However, in that universal deep care and trust for each other, there are still some notable differences in the relationships between specific sticks. In this analysis, I would like to focus specifically on Orange's and Red's interactions throughout the show.

Also, some of these points I have also talked about in my Red Character Analysis, but I'm going to be explaining them through a different lens here.

Another disclaimer is that I'm not going to be addressing the possibility of a romantic relationship in this analysis since I don't think I'm very qualified to talk about that one, everyone can headcanon whatever ships or lack of ships you want XD

But now that that's out of the way, let's start the real analysis!

Red and Orange are, in a lot of ways, opposites. Orange appears to be the oldest, while Red is generally seen as the youngest. Orange is cautious and prefers calm, repetitive safety, while Red rushes into things and enjoys excitement despite the risks. When confronted with a choice between going somewhere new but dangerous and staying safe at home, Red will always choose the former and Orange will always choose the latter.

This has led to a sometimes strained relationship between them - particularly from Orange to Red. And, while this was most visible during the Lush Caves conflict, there are some details in their interactions before then that still indicate something being off in their relationship.

Prior to Lush Caves, especially seen in the non-Minecraft non-AvA episodes, there has been a strong tendency for Red to be the one always going out of their way to help out Orange with whatever they needed. Red's always the one pressing start, fullscreen, helping Orange out with little things, anything Orange asks of them, without question. And while yes, this indicates Red's speed of understanding what's needed from them, it also is definitely worth noting that all these cases is doing what Orange specifically needs. Red wants Orange's approval.

If this was reciprocated, this could easily be a sweet friendship/relationship/however you decide to interpret that dynamic. But, past the type of friendship Orange has with everyone in the CG, the helpfulness and the trust toward Red specifically doesn't seem to be there. Not for a while, at least.

Orange easily gets carried away in the moment, and can sometimes take their friends for granted. They still care about their friends, a lot, but they also often get frustrated with the others and can be lost in the moment - even to the degree of abandoning their friends in favor of going home or accidentally killing one of their friends in a fight. And even in less high-stakes scenarios, they often don't join the others and may do minor things to sabotage them - or at least not be very helpful. Kicking the boat away from Green in Parkour, or turning down the volume when their friends were playing music. It's not terrible by any means, but it's not very kind or healthy either if done too often.

But it's also noticeable that Red often gets the brunt of this apathy or hostility. Because again, they and Orange are opposites. Despite Red wanting to make Orange happy, Red's also impulsive, adventurous, a little chaotic - all traits that Orange rarely wants to deal with. All traits that pull Orange into dangerous and scary situations. And Red, being the stick that they are, never really seemed to catch on how much their behavior was upsetting Orange. Another flaw of their quickly made decisions.

But while it may not have been recognized, the actions that resulted still were clear. In PvP, Orange nearly stabbed Red with an actual sword when Red wasn't using real weapons. Orange would later use Red as a weapon to fight the witch - and I didn't see anyone else jumping on or kicking each other around as blocks. Or in Vs Arcade Games when they all fell out of the maze, Orange ran past Red to go catch Yellow. While yes, Yellow fell from higher, Orange could have at least gone and helped Red up afterward. And in building contests, which Orange is usually the judge of, the only prize Red ever got was from Yellow.

In all these cases, yes, a problem or imbalance existed already for the whole group. But it's always seemed to be consistently a little worse for Orange and Red. And that's why I'm not as surprised at what happened in Lush Caves. But also, why I am so happy with what happened afterward.

The episode itself was just a culmination of all the anger and resentment of everything going on finally coming to a head. Orange was sick of being dragged into danger by Red. Red was sick of being overlooked and their feelings ignored by Orange. That battle itself may not be all that surprising anymore given the prior animosity between the two.

This fight could have broken their friendship permanently. If either one refused to stop, if either one took the others' actions personally and refused to forgive, this could have marked the point where every little action got to be too much, and they could have broken that bond for good.

But this is the Color Gang. None of them can hold a permanent grudge against each other to save their lives. Especially not Orange, who would kill to save them even after only having known them a few minutes. And especially not Red, who doesn't have a hostile pixel in their body.

So they did stop. They did forgive. And more than that, they realized something was wrong. They realized that how they were acting, especially toward each other, was wrong. While this was more clearly shown for Orange, I think it was true for Red too.

Because when you look at their actions afterward, they change. For the rest of the series, Orange has put more focus into consistently helping, trusting, and supporting their friends - including Red. They stopped ignoring or arguing with their friends and stopped trying to solve everything themselves. Hey, Orange's primary role after their solo episode even became a support to the Warden. This doesn't seem like a role they would usually be as comfortable with beforehand.

And on Red's part, Red started being more careful to get others' agreement on their course of action. They let others take the lead when needed, and when they had a plan themselves they tried to make sure the others understood. They, too, recognized that they need support, they need to do things alongside their friends, not in spite of them.

Neither of them were perfect in this. Orange still has a tendency to want to do all the most important things themselves, and Red still struggles with acting too quickly before understanding others' feelings. But there's progress. They both recognize their mistakes, and they're both trying.

And most importantly...

They're finally doing it side by side.

Well, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, you thought of this topic in a new light, or at least found it interesting! This one's a subject I've been thinking about for a while but it took a while to put it into clearer words ^-^

I've done a few analyses like this before, and will likely do more, so keep an eye out for that! I linked the Red analysis up at the top, but here it is again and here is the Yellow Leadership analysis.

#alan becker #animator vs animation #animation vs minecraft #red #orange #analysis #this took longer than i expected #and idk if this is too many pictures #but i liked these pictures for it

[myinterestsvary-writes]

Even More on the Tamaki-Ranka parallels from Haruhi’s POV

This meta is posted conveniently in time for Father’s Day. I hadn’t noticed the date and I wasn’t actually trying to post this today but oh well...

OHSHC Manga Spoilers!

I don’t think I’m negatively affected anymore by that anime only scene in the grocery store and no longer find it questionable that Tamaki reminds Haruhi of her father to have that help justify her falling for him to the audience. I’m pretty sure the intent, as made clear, was that it makes her better able to handle him and more quickly endear her to him and his quirks because he’s familiar and safe, which is a point that favours Tamaki in the relationship more. What makes Tamaki a good match for Haruhi however is what he does for her when he embraces his “fatherly duties” towards her. He takes care of her, makes sure she eats/“provides” for her, checks up on her, protects her, and dotes on her similarly to Ryuji that Haruhi doesn’t like—Tamaki is “obnoxious” to her. The rest of the Host Club act the same way to her but they act more like her friends than Tamaki which is why they are the best friend group for her to be in at that specific point in her life when she starts the show, helped along majorly with the mutual desire to be kids and enjoy themselves. What makes Tamaki special, however, other than sharing similarities with her father is brought to attention most evidently below. He and Kyoya are the leaders. Nothing in how Tamaki behaves she believes are necessarily wanted behaviours from him by her. Haruhi as a person is the kind who doesn’t easily accepts help, concern or care from anyone including the rest of the Host Club, and those things aren’t most concretely appreciated by her until she realizes she loves him. Tamaki, however, is the catalyst for so much sudden inspiration in her just as he is for many others he affects:

Tamaki taking care of Haruhi (above and below):

Someone pointed out that Haruhi is affected by parentification and I agree. One of the ways to combat it is by meeting the neglected child’s needs and letting them be secured. I don’t think she’s as badly affected however by it as she could be with Ryuji as her father.

Context of Haruhi’s background: Since Haruhi’s mother’s death, it’s shown that she’s been precocious and independent in attempt to emulate her mother to honour her. She’s successful as she learns to prioritize studying to become a lawyer, playing by herself/emotionally regulate (which is actually surprising for a parentified child and shows Ryuji’s good parenting), “independently” grocery shop, and I believe properly keep track of the finances since Ryuji is canonically horrible with money. She took up the role of her mother essentially. She even sometimes has to console a drunk or overly-emotional Ryuji after a night at the bar, sometimes actively avoiding going home so that she won’t disrupt his sleep or needed personal time away from her. This I recognize as normal and relatable aspects of her character, coming from someone who’s a WOC and from a lower SES background as well. It’s a common struggle to go through. It’s a necessity for survival and that trauma becomes a major part of your personality as you grow up manifesting in healthy or unhealthy ways with either embracing the parentification role completely (Haruhi) or resolving to grow out of it to reclaim childhood (Tamaki - from prioritizing and worrying over Anne-Sophie). Haruhi chose the former end of the spectrum, dealing with things in a relatively healthy way which means there isn’t anything inherent that needs to be changed about Haruhi except for perhaps a balance of things in her life (creating a spectrum of responsibility on one end and security for living carefree in a healthy way on the other).

It isn’t like Ryuji doesn’t notice any of what she does. He actually tries to reciprocate the care she gives him and to rectify the dynamic by being more traditional and overly protective. This does not work as Haruhi grows most comfortable in her role and accepts her father as he is, strongly attaching her attitude to her identity because of her loss and intelligently wanting to prevent failure and hardship. They have both accepted each other and now he can only hope that things will be alright with her. Haruhi finds a great sense of purpose and confidence in herself thanks in part to the watchful eye of Ryuji. That is exactly why the Tamaki-Ranka parallels aren’t nearly as bad as they could be made to be. How I initially thought them to be. Like her relationship with her actual father, Tamaki and Haruhi’s is not perfect but fine.

Fun fact: When first reading the manga, I skipped around in the first 40 chapters and landed here. This was the first instance that I felt like Haruhi was falling. Of course, I was wrong as it’s even earlier, much before chapter 57.

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#ohshc #analysis #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #ryuji fujioka #ranka fujioka #ouran high school host club #ouran #tamaharu #HaruTama #Tamaki x haruhi #anime #manga #psychology #my posts #happy father’s day #ohshc meta #ohshc analysis #meta #ouran meta #ouran manga #scheduled #2023-06-18 #OTP

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Hey all. So for Pride Month, I wanna talk some about butch and femme identities.

Specifically, the false dichotomy that's been made out of them.

If you've spent any time at all around multigender people, you know that manhood and womanhood are not oppositional or mutually exclusive. If you've spent any time at all in healthy general trans spaces, you know that masculinity and femininity aren't, either.

So then why are butch and femme (and futch, when it's remembered), treated as such?

My main identity is butch, because every aspect of my identity is masc in some way. It has to be, for me to feel comfortable and safe in it. When I am a gender in the feminine spectrum, I am masc in presentation, affect, performance, and other similar aspects. When I am masc-gendered, I actually tend to be more femme, though, because the mascness is safely cemented in my gender! When I am an abinary gender, it can vary and that's actually when I tend to be more neutral, but there is still less femininity than masculinity.

I could go into why (double dysphoria over people assuming both the wrong gender and the wrong sex, since I am intersex) but I will leave it other than that parenthetical. But even aside from being a system, on an individual level I am butch AND femme. Queer masculinity is a stronger part of my identity than queer femininity, but that doesn't erase the queer femininity. It doesn't erase the way I am so rarely a masculine man that I basically joke my two binary genders are femboy and butch. It doesn't erase how when my gender approaches one binary, my relationship with genderqueer expression and existence always queers.

To be clear, for some people individually, the two are separate and oppose each other. I'm not saying they have to adjust their understanding of their OWN identity, but just to recognize that theirs is not the "one right way".

I am butch AND femme. Both are important to me. Sometimes they are even contradictory. I'm multigender and intersex and a system and many other things besides. It happens. My identity doesn't have to make sense to everyone. But it is valid and deserves to be treated as such.

(Also, since it's been brought up that degendering or regendering typically masculine things still counts as butch - it absolutely does. Using anything you or anyone else considers masculine and queering it in any way counts as butch. I'm not a prescriptivist.)

#butch #femme #futch #btw the 'those are for lesbians only' crowd can fuck off #as can any other kind of exclusionary queerphobes #y'all will just be blocked I don't have time for your shit #anyway the thing about queer identities is that they are inherently not straight-forward #they're QUEER that's the POINT #also the disclaimer is for the one asshole who took my response to someone saying 'stop trying to make butch masc' out of context #they were like 'omg you can't define labels for other people ACKSHUALLY butch doesn't HAVE to do anything with masculinity #I'm like 'uhh I never said that couldn't be butch. you just wildly misinterpreted what I meant by 'masculinity' and put words in my mouth' #like I literally coined descrippunk bc I hate prescriptivism so much who do you think I am? #anyway long rant bc I have neurodivergent ✨trauma✨ from people assuming bad intentions on my part and misintepreting me #I hope that person has throttled internet speeds every time they try to post bs on the internet

[marifilue]

Exaggeration

Summary: Matt lied to you for went out on a mission with his ex, elektra.

Contains: Swearing, alcohol, kisses, arguments and fluff;)

word count: 3k

Most couples built their healthy relationship based on trust, no matter how different their life nor personalities are. As long as they can trust each other, it'll work.

Trust is so fragile you won't need to smash it like some wine bottles in order to break it. All it takes is a simple form of words, a lie.

Me and Matt could made our relationship worked all these years because we trust each other, I've seen the most vulnerable part of himself and vice versa. He never lie to me because he's not the biggest fan of being lied either. With his gift, the words "lie" didn't really exist in our dictionary.

Matt wouldn't lie as long as he thinks it's safe for me to acknowledge it. But he's being reckless, yesterday he said he needs to work overtime, but the first thing i found this morning is this red shade of lipstick mark on his white collar shirt that he had worn last night.

I try to kept my morning mood goin on and ignore what i just found, i throw the shirt away to the laundry basket. But i know i need to talk to him sooner or later. Matt's still asleep peacefully in the bedroom, and I'm keeping myself busy making noise from the kitchen while preparing breakfast.

I guess I wasn't really good at burying my emotion when something's bothering me. It wasn't taking long for Matt to wake up because of how i intentionally making loud noise with smashing furniture inside the kitchen.

"Morning Sweetie." Matt greet me with his morning voice and bed face.

"Morning sleepyhead, you're hungry?" I ask with my dummy smile.

"Yeah, absolutely." He answered while scrunching his eyebrows, he noticed something's wrong but still too early for him to figure it out, it's 7am.

"I'm making an omelette, It'll be ready in a second." I continue.

"Smell's good, I'll take shower first." He say as walking back to the bathroom.

My head is so full of thoughts, it cannot stop wonder about that mark. I mean, what could've happened? Did he get drunk? Or probably he didn't even notice someone gave his shirt that mark? Or is it anything else?

It's already agitate my heartbeat when i see him. And I'm pretty sure he had noticed it already.

I sit still at the table while waiting for Matt, breakfast already served for two with cup of coffes. Our chairs is facing each other at the round table. He walks in with only his sweats on, towel hanging around his neck, wiping his freshly washed hair. His smell flow across the room. But this time, i wasn't amused.

We ate breakfast together quietly without me being the conversationalist, it felt awkward.

"Are you okay?" He question me breaking the silence.

"Why wouldn't i be." I answered with my cocky tones.

"I don't know, you've been quiet." He continues putting the meal into his mouth.

"Well how do you like the breakfast?" I tries to disprove him immediately.

"It's great, but you didn't answer my question." Matt replies calmly.

"What question?" My aggravation had grown it affects the tone of my voice.

"Are you okay, y/n?" He made his articulation to be more clear as possible.

"I don't know Matt, are you." I replies sarcastically. I don't want to tell him I'm okay because i am not.

"Y/n.., quit playing around, something's bothering you and i don't know what is it. Unless you could just tell me" He continues, more serious this time.

I take a sip from my glass of coffee "I don't want to fight you, so I'll keep playing.."

Matt chuckled unpleasantly "What's with the attitude, huh?" He remain calm while I barely want to look him in the eye.

"Oh, you wanna talk about attitude? I'm not the one who came home last night with stained red lipstick on their collar shirt." And it slipped out of my tongue sooner than i thought it would.

He looked so confused and kept scrunching his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

What do you mean?, thats the best he got? no shit.

"Where were you last night?" I continue to confront him.

"I went to a party, for devil's work." Matt replies

I'm getting more upset as he open his mouth

"Is that the truth?" i questioned.

"Yes." He answered shortly.

"With whom?"

"Elektra." He didn't even hesitate to mentioned the name.

"Elektra as in your ex?" I am so confused of why did he remains calm.

"Yeah, we worked together and sneak into rich's people party last night. It was all only for gathering evidence because we both have common enemy, The Hand." Matt replies.

Of course that statement is convincing because I didn't see a way he could lie about that, but still he's missing the bigger picture here.

"Alright then, elaborate the kiss mark."

"It was just a set up, we need to escape because we're almost busted." Matt affirm.

"And a set up doing what exactly, Matthew?" I was desperately need him to admit what he have done with putting him in the corner.

Matt took a deep breath as if he prepared before something will probably blowing up.

"We have to pretend like a drunk couple having their time in the restricted room at the party, we actually got the files that we needed."

I chuckled sarcastically and quote back his word "Drunk couple huh"

He lift another fork of an omelette bite-sized onto his mouth. "Come on, y/n. There's no way you've spent your morning just to be upset about this." He continue.

I scrunched my eyebrows "Why do you think I'm upset with you, Matt?"

"You probably think i cheated, or maybe you're upset because i went out with my ex for a mission." He simply answer.

"What? That's so low of me for you to define!" I denied all of his false accusations for my feelings.

"Then why are you upset?" He locked his head as if staring into the soul of eyes.

"You lied to me." I shortly answered.

"You could've just said something like Hey, i need to go out with my ex tonight on some holy mission, see ya later" I continue mimicking his voice.

"But instead you tell me lies, why?" I asked

"Gosh, because i knew you would've overreact like this!" Matt putting down the silverware that was on both of his arms.

"I wouldn't react like this if you just told me the truth, was it so difficult?"

Matt shakes his head in frustration "I don't want to stress you for the rest of the night knowing i was out with my ex very late, even if it was just for a mission. Beside, the whole sex play was her idea and we didn't even have the chance to discuss about it, she just like "kiss me" and then pull me onto her harshly."

It disgust me hearing the last sentence. "Ugh, I don't even ask for the details. It's not the stain I'm upset about, it's you who've lied."

"It was a harmless lie" Matt seek for justification on behalf of his actions.

"It wouldn't be harmless if you hurt my feelings, since when you learned telling lies to me?" I kept pushing to made him feel sincere, but he's not.

"That was one time, okay." Matt continue to convince himself and me that he did nothing wrong.

I chuckles "I actually wondered what else you've been lying to me about."

He grunts "For Christ's sake, we would've been cought if she hadn't made that sudden move, I would've been cought, and worst scenario, I would've been held as a hostage. Is that your wish for me?"

I wasn't expecting him to go with a guilt trip like that, but that's not even Matt i know whom i had a conversation with. I'm not sure what went wrong, but his mind isn't in the best shape.

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion, what he said is practically just out of the character.

"Of course not, why would i wish you for that."

"You have to understand my situation first in order to have more rational feelings over your anger towards me." Matt persist

"Well this is getting more complicated than it has to be, I'm not angry, just upset that you have lie to me." My emotion was so built up that it'll easily blow if i hadn't been careful with my words.

"Are you?" Matt ask doubting my statement.

"Yes!" I raise my voice lightly

Matt flinched a little and took another deep breath "I'm sorry then." He apologize.

I can't even tell if he's sincere about that apology; he can't just invalidate my feelings easily and put his big ego straight on the table before apologizing. He just wanted to end the argument that he himself had prolonged.

I stare at him with dissatisfaction. It's not that I don't trust him; in fact, I have always trusted him, and nothing has ever been able to shake my faith in him for years. But the way he behaved this morning, the way he delivered his argument, and how he still tried to excuse his actions easily cracked those foundations.

The awkward silence at the apartment while us still sitting across the table broke when my cellphone suddenly rings. It was Claire Temple calling me.

I picked up the phone that i had put on the other side of the table.

"Hello. Claire?" i put the phone to my right ear

"Good morning, y/n. I'm sorry to disturb your weekend." She greets

"Morning too, how can i help you?"

"We really need your presence at the hospital, there's no other doctors available at the time."

"Where's doctor Enzo?" i asked

"He needs to the leave town this morning, his brother got into a car crash." Claire continues.

"Oh, i see. Sure, i can cover him today. I'll be there in thirty minutes."

"Thank you doc, I'll see you soon."

"My pleasure." I end up the phone call

I get up and leave from the table without saying any words to Matt, pretty sure he had acknowledge where i need be. I showered and change my clothes immediately so i could leave the apartment as soon as i can.

A lot of things differs me with Matt, but we had one thing in common; silent treatment. If the two of us were in a great mood, we'd discuss how communication is important and we need to solve our problem like an adults.

But when it comes to the moment like this, we get angry and upset towards each other. We get selfish and prefer silence to grounded each other.

•••

Nine hours of shift passes quickly, i kept myself busy to avoid those unhealthy thoughts i had in mind after arguments. For the first time i didn't really get excited when my shift almost finished, i didn't get excited to head back home.

I stopped by at the Josie's to have a few booze, i thought it'd be a great idea to spend some time alone, i took a few sip while stare blankly at the news.

"That must've been a tough shift." Claire says.

I looked back and found Claire approaching me. She seated herself comfortably beside me.

I smile lightly seeing her "Never thought I'd see you here."

"What can i say, it's saturday night." She smiles

"A vodka, please" She waives at josie.

"Strong choice." I encourage her

"Oh trust me, this is one of my lightest choice." We're both chuckles

"What are you doing here all alone, where's Matt?" Claire continues after taking a shot from her vodka.

"I don't know, probably listening to this conversation currently."

Claire just chuckled "Classic."

"Yeah"

I get back to minding my own business. She had notice me keep stare blankly while inside my glass.

"Not a fan of weekend shift, are ya?" She continues to have another conversation with me.

I tilt my head to the left staring at her

"Nah, that's the least of my problems." I smile.

"Glad to know that, is everything okay?" She ask

"Sure, why wouldn't it be." i answered.

"Between You and Matt?" She continues.

I sigh "Well you know, those two can get difficult sometimes.".

"Look, I know we're not that close. I'm practically in no position to ask you this, but what have he done this time." She says.

"Doesn't really matter to be honest, just Matt being Matt and went out with someone for a mission who's apparently was his ex." I say as i took another sip from my glass

"Oh and did i mentioned he lied about it first, and then admit after got caught red handed."

Claire chuckled nonchalantly "That bastard." She jokes and then went silent as she observe my facial expression

"Are you actually upset about it?" She asked.

I flinch in confusion to her "What, you take it as a joke?"

"Well i wouldn't surprised because it's Matt." She continues.

"Don't take it too serious, y/n . It'll just pain your mind." Claire giving advice while half drunk.

I couldn't stand any more invalidation statement towards my feelings, enough is enough. I'm already hurt and nothing could reverse it.

"Thanks, Claire. Appreciate it." I put the bills down and walk immediately to leave the bar with claire behind.

•••

I walk down the street so aggressive and smashing every footsteps i took with my sneakers. I lower my head as if it was the heaviest thing i can carry from thoughts.

"The hell, what is everyone's deal against me today!" I mumble to myself

As much as i hate to, i need to go home; to Matt's flat. I have agreed to moved in long time ago, so i need to face this kind of situation like an adult. Even though it didn't get any easier, but I'll face it.

I raise my wrist to see the time, and damn. It's seven already. I waste two hours at the bar, glad claire stopped me from getting more drunk.

fifteen minutes passed from my walk, i arrived in front of the building. I figured it might cleared my mind to take a walk instead of a cab.

I was upset enough earlier to left the apartment without having the spare key with me. So i knocked the door whilst calling Matt's name. No answer. I check the door handled and turn out it wasn't locked.

"Matt?" I call out once again

I observe the place long enough to realize nobody's home. He didn't locked the door after leaving.

I locked the door and hang my coat. I put my purse onto the table and untie my hair, putting all my work clothes away. I grabbed my bathrobe to take a shower immediately.

••

When i left the bathroom, Matt's already there, sit by himself on the couch. The curtains wasn't closed, purple lights from the building across the street radiating on his pensive face. He looked emotionless, and empty.

He still wearing that tight black shirt and a boxer, the red devil suit scattered all over the floor right below the stairs. I figured he used the balcony entrance to get in.

Walking to the kitchen, i grab myself some water. "Sorry i locked the front door, was about to took a shower." I declare to him,

"Yeah, i left it unlocked for you. I knew you forget to grab the key this morning." He grunts walking towards the bathroom.

I drink my water and didn't really reply to Matt's word, i walk towards the bedroom to get myself ready for bed. Put on my beauty products step by step, and then my hair vitamin. I curl my hair occasionally before bed to keep the wavy hair i liked. i turn on my curling iron and carefully grab a few part of my hair.

"Fuck!" I grunted.

I accidentally burn my right shoulder with a curler. This barely ever happened before. What the hell do i have in mind.

The curler was flaming hot, it stings and leave a red bruise. I stare at my reflection from the mirror and tries to touch the burned area with my fingers. It make me hissed in pain.

I ran myself to the bathroom, it was locked because Matt still in there.

I knocked the bathroom door spontaneously "Matt open up, i need to use the sink."

He unlocked the door and i hurry myself to the sink, i turned the faucet on to have it splashed onto the burned area in my shoulder. it was mostly dominated by the back area so i have trouble reaching it by myself.

"What happened?" He confuse.

"I burned myself, it's nothing." I reply.

He scrunched his eyebrows. "How?"

"With a goddamn curler, Matt. Now if you'll excuse me." I tried to pat dry the wounds after washing it. I open the mirror cabinet to grab some antibiotics cream.

Matt sighed "C'mon let me help you." as he walk towards me.

"I'm fine." I said defensively. But he didn't backed up, not a single step.

He gently tries grab the antibiotics that's already in the palm of my hand. I remain stubborn and refuse to let him took it.

Matt standing behind me, he determined to let him assist me. "Look at me." He says with low voice close to my left ear.

I persist to push him away and keep my head down.

"Im tougher than you think." I whisper.

He nods "I know you are." his arm holding my left wrist, expecting me to let go.

"I can take care of myself." i declared without glancing at his face at all.

"You have." He says. "You still do. You always will. I've just joined in, too. Now we take care of each other." He gently stroke my left arm that holding the antibiotics.

I took a deep breath, I can't bare hearing his pleading voice.

"Please, just let me." He said whilst stare at me deeply.

I let go of my palm and let him took the antibiotics.

I stare at our reflection in the mirror, Matt move my hair and tuck it to my left shoulder so he could spread the antibiotics on my right shoulder. He was fresh out of the shower. Hair still wet, and towel hanging around his waist. I notice a fresh bruises around his chest, it wasn't looking really good.

"I'm sorry i hurt your feelings, y/n. I shouldn't have lied in the first place." He whispered as gently spread the cream with his finger.

"I've had my time to think, and i am madly in love with you, y/n. I love you so much. I'm so sorry if you ever doubt that because of my poor behavior." He declared.

He sighs "And i must admit, i hate it when you're trying to be defensive around me. I've seen hell, and that's just worse. It's the worst kind of punishment i could get from anyone, especially you." He continue as all the burned wound around my back shoulder already covered in layer of antibiotics.

Matt lean on the wall Infront of him, next to mirror. We stand across each other. His fingers slowly stroking my hair "You're the most incredible and independent woman I've ever met. And whenever we're able to be our true self around each other, to be vulnerable. It felt safe to me, because i knew we can always count on each other."

His thumb moved and gently brushing my cheeck "So just please. If i make another mistake in the future, talk to me. Or punish me however you like to. But i beg you, don't go with all this defensive action. It made me felt like a stranger around you."

I can tell how sincere he is about the apologize this time, those eyes could never lied to me. His tone is so soothing to hear. And he actually have his point this time. Matt always been the one who will acted first everytime we've had an arguments. Even when i was wrong, I'll keep my way of silence, but he'll always be the one who finds a way to break it. He couldn't bare if there's any distance between us and neither do i. But for me, it's always my ego that keep getting bigger, and never my heart.

Without my realization, a tears drop from my eye. "I - i'm so sorry." I stutter.

His thumb wiped my tears softly "It's okay. You did nothing wrong" He whisper.

I drop my head down. I tries to wipe all the tears myself that can't stop falling through my eyes. "You're always so kind to me, i don't understand." i sniffled.

"Oh honey." Matt whisper whilst clutching me into his arms. His shoulder were wide enough to cover my body. "Save yourself the suspense. You always been the one who can take a good care of me, okay?"

I lean into his chest. He stroke the back of my hair gently. He move his hands to cup both of my cheeks and gently lift my face to meet his eyes.

I sniffles as he keep wiping my tears, staring into his hazel eyes. Oh god, he is so enamored with me, and i am enchanted to him.

"Shh, it's okay. We're cool." He whispered

I burst into small chuckle "We're cool?" I repeated.

He smile softly "Yeah, we're cool. Right?"

"Yeah i think we're cool." i smile widely with my teeth.

"Okay, cool then." He kiss my cheeks alternately.

"Matt?" i mumble.

"Yeah?" he whispered

"Can i ask you questions?" I say softly.

"How long have you been practicing those paragraphs?" i continue jokingly.

He laughs "Long enough, it get me these bruises." he pointed at his chest

I gasps sarcastically "So that's how it happened! I wondered how could you get hit in that area." I glance at his chest and tries to put my fingers on the bruise.

"Is it painful?" I asked

"Ouch!" He yelled and flinched sarcastically, it was unexpected and startled me out.

I slap him jokingly. Then i kissed him passionately. My hands hang around his neck and his hands intensely stroking my waist.

"It's a prove of how much control you had over me." Matt teasing me.

I attack him with another kisses on the lips.

"Please don't ever get hit on your chest again." I look again at the bruise. It abstractly marked like a someone's fist right near his heart placed. He never took a hit from his chest area because his hand could always blocked it. And i made sure to remind him how fatal getting punched in the chest could turned out. Heart attack, cardiac arrest, you name it.

"I mean look" I pointed the bruise. "that's way too close to your heart."

He sighs "Sorry baby, I'll made sure that'll be the last time someone get to punch me in the chest. It was his lucky day."

I chuckles. "And how did you get punched, again?"

"Well, you've been on my mind all day. So i think going out and punch a few bad guys will distract me. But turns out, i can't focus, you haunt me." He smile warmly as if it didn't bother him.

"Make sense." I kiss him once again on the lips and slowly moving down to his chest. "Can we go to the bedroom now? I'll give you a massage."

Matt smiles again so delightful. "Sure."

#matt murdock #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock fanfiction #daredevil #daredevil fanfiction

[ina-nis]

Unfortunately, I enjoy my individual peace more than the "greater good" of a community nowadays.

I'm not sure if that makes me self-centered or insufferable or what, really. All I know is that the more I try to rationalize and understand things like... being able to be around all kinds of people, or things like not closing oneself into an echo-chamber where your own values are never questioned, or things like literally avoiding discomfort, among other things... these make me wonder just how much growth-through-duress I'm supposed to be doing?

Because it feels as if I'm only able to evolve and become a better person if I'm dealing with uncomfortable things? If I'm trying to push myself past my limits, and so on.

Well, if I have learned one thing in all my years trying to socialize and connect with all kinds of people in all kinds of places is that, if I had listened to my "gut feelings," if I had trusted what I saw/heard that made me question whether that was a good or safe place for me to be, if I had not gone with the flow and forced myself, and actually listened to what I wanted to do... I would not be as traumatized as I am today.

So, as I heal more and more, these kinds of things, situations, places and people become more intolerable for me.

Like that time I cut myself out of an entire group of friends over one person, because I could not be in the same space without feeling upset or triggered and that didn't get any better after a whole year of me forcing myself - very similar to situations that have happened in the past, too.

Like more recent examples, too: connecting with seemingly safe people, that I could not entirely trust but I still gave it a try because I imagined that would be the way to form a good connection (instead of being always so strict and burning bridges too soon), and inevitably getting hurt when they turn their back at me and actively attack me when conflict arises - that could have not happened if I had not tried to maintain the connection I knew it was not safe from the start.

All in all, there's this constant feeling of "you need to be able to be around everyone" while noticing just how many people are absolutely horrible to have in your life, which goes exactly against that sentiment.

Do I really need to be able to be around everyone?

I don't think so, nor do I want such thing.

One thing I have noticed about the kinds of people who spout such nonsense is that they either seemed to not have dealt with complex trauma, and/or they have some kind of support system in place acting as a buffer. Of course, in their eyes, my choice to protect myself and keep away from many things means I'm just in some echo-chamber and will never be able to truly heal, since I'm not willing to put myself through duress, right?

I can't exactly afford to keep on being re-traumatized, or healing-through-duress. I need positive reinforcement more than anything, I need healthy connections with clear communication... being around assholes is truly the last thing I need to get better, and I don't even think I need that, to be honest.

I would rather preserve my peace, yes. Even when that means loneliness. I have had more than enough hurt from incompatible (and oftentimes, actively harmful) connections, but more than that...

I need those quality connections, relationships I deserve, people that will not hurt me anymore, people than are able to fucking communicate as the bare minimum of standard I'm putting out there.

If that's not possible, I want my peace even if it's lonely.

I don't want to go through any more bullshit discomfort in the name of some twisted sense of a "community."

The social needs I'm trying to fulfill stand much closer to my heart - something no community will ever able to reach, even if these communities could serve as the gateway to building precious connections.

My peace is much more important to me than community.

#loneliness #inanis post

[scarsmood]

idk how else to word this to make it sounds less accusatory or aggressive so please excuse how my wording/tone may come across

how come recreating sexually traumatizing scenes in a sexually gratifying way can be healthy/helpful but thats not a thing for any other sort of trauma?

‘Not a thing for any other sort of trauma’

Your just not looking my guy, vets for instance will play tactical airsoft that involves using helicopters and being stranded on an island in a fight for survival.

People use boxing or martial arts as a way to learn to defend themsleves in ways they never could as children

Emotional and mental abuse can be replayed by playing dnd, role switching game, or just roleplay/ story telling

BDSM is one of many outlets out desensitize yourself from trauma. So heres a few more:

Art, sports, hiking, hunting, fishing, puzzles, animal keeping, gardening, video games, roleplay, story telling, Journalling, spiritual practices. The list goes on.

This comes off as ignorance to the process of trauma processing. It isn’t a linear process. Often tied to your basic means of survival (espically with CPTSD) these things are more like unwinding string than going through steps.

Id recommend the book the body keeps score. It has a great overview of trauma and its effects on the body.

My blog literally is dedicated to venting my experience as a stockholm syndrome suffree. I have 400+ poems at this point. Id recommend take a look around. If anything has made a profound impact on my trauma journey its that. I have a seperate blog dedicated to it called hatismood. You can get the idea of the scale of trauma processing. It isnt one action often many. Slowly reprogramming your brain that what your doing is safe.

BDSM is flashy. Most people cope with trauma in several different ways at once. Its never polite to ask someone if they’re doing something to work through trauma. So your never going to know unless they tell you. You have probably met more than a fair share of people on their healing journey doing something that helps them desensitize themselves.

Part 2 of that.

The phrase “recreating sexually traumatizing scenes in a sexually gratifying way” does not sit right with me. Your missing context. None of what I experienced was sexually traumatizing. I think more importantly I am not doing BDSM just to recreate trauma in a sexually gratifying way. That is an aspect but I love BDSM as a hobby. I consider it a legitimate craft and it takes time and dedication to preform. Dumbing it down to “free trauma recovery” does feel a bit insulting and lacks the appropriate depth BDSM deserves.

Trigger warning:

I’ll get dark with you here. When someone molests me unprompted that is sexually traumatizing.

When I am tied down to a chair by my boyfriend cracking jokes to him while hes cutting me. I have an adrenaline high but I am not scared. He is not scared. No one is scared or out of control in that situation. When I am being asked constantly if I am okay that is far from trauamtizing.

What im doing is exposure therapy. Familiar traumatizing stimulus is being exposed to me in a safe and contained manner. This dampens and slowly erases the connotations of trauma with these stimulus. Its a great way to cope with trauma and a basis for EMDR which focuses on rewriting and reframing traumatic memories.

I just want it to be super clear not recreating trauma. That’s not the only reason I’m doing it either. I feel like if you did BDSM for the sole purpose of healing a specific trauma you would have to clearly communicate that to your partner. Cause most people want to get dinner with you after or before. Learn about you first, have a relationship with you. You get the idea.

Personally I do it for many reasons. I think my top 3 are Trust, intimacy and connection. The trauma healing is something i never count on. Cause often with play i never get that but I do get a happy play partner and thats what im here for.

#trauma #erokin #afterdark

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb: The follow-up to Foz Meadows's A Strange and Stubborn Endurance, All the Hidden Paths is a sultry political & romantic fantasy exploring gender, sexuality, identity, and self-worth.

With the plot against them foiled and the city of Qi-Katai in safe hands, newlywed and tentative lovers Velasin and Caethari have just begun to test the waters of their relationship. But the wider political ramifications of their marriage are still playing out across two nations, and all too soon, they’re summoned north to Tithena’s capital city, Qi-Xihan, to present themselves to its monarch.

With Caethari newly invested as his grandmother’s heir and Velasin’s old ghosts gnawing at his heels, what little peace they’ve managed to find is swiftly put to the test. Cae’s recent losses have left him racked with grief and guilt, while Vel struggles with the disconnect between instincts that have kept him safe in secrecy and what an open life requires of him now. Pursued by unknown assailants and with Qi-Xihan’s court factions jockeying for power, Vel and Cae must use all the skills at their disposal to not only survive, but thrive.

Because there’s more than one way to end an alliance, and more than one person who wants to see them fail…and they will resort to murder if needed.

Review:

Picking up where the first book left off Velasin and Caethari are now married and navigating the new waters of their marriage while dealing with assassins, politics, and trying to find love. Velasin is still dealing with his ptsd from the assault from a previous lover while trying to stewing in his own self misery and what he wants his relationship to Cae to be. Caethari is made the new heir to his grandmother and must travel to establish his title. Cae never wanted to lose his grandmother and is also still reeling from his sister's subsequent betrayal and her murdering the rest of their family. Cae is wracked with guilt and grief while Vel is struggling with trying to express what he wants and keeping everything to himself. They are both pursued by unknown assailants and are trying to navigate Qu-Xhan's court factions who are vying for power. Vel and Cae's relationship was a really slow burn one, the miscommunication, lack of talking to your partner, and just dumb decisions could be so grating but it paid off in the end. We are also introduced to Asterion, someone who is blackmailed to either seduce or kill Vel or Cae, by Vel's own family. Asterion doesn't want to do it but his mother's life is being threatened and he'd do anything to protect her... yet he finds himself drawn in by General Naza, someone who is powerful yet soft with him, someone who knows exactly what Asterion needs. Can Cae and Vel work out who is trying to kill them and finally be clear with each other about their feelings, or will they die before they even get to tell each other the truth. This was a really interesting second novel, it was hard at parts to read because you really do care for the characters and you want them to heal and be happy, but it's hard and difficult, and they do make frustrating decisions, but in the end it was a really great read and I can't wait for the second one.

*Spoilers: Cae and Vel do finally tell each other they love each other, and despite Asterion trying to seduce either of them they remained faithful and firm in their love for one another. Asterion manages to get his mother out safe and General Naza (quites his job) and they do become sort of lovers. Naza clearly cares for Asterion but they are unsure about their new feelings as Naza had left his post and he and Asterion traveled to meet Asterion's mother together. Cae and Vel find out that it was one of other tiern's who wanted power for herself and to marry Cae but she ends up killing herself after revealing the truth and making her heir Ethian (an innocent who had a crush on Vel). Markel , my icon, is still alive, hilarious, and healthy. We stay winning yall.

*Thanks Netgalley and Tor Publishing Group, Tor Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #all the hidden paths

[wildshapedruid]

in a desperate move to distract myself from this painful infection I'm just gonna go ahead and spend my time answering all these companion!tav au questions. this is just for me nobody is pressured to read any of it, in fact it's all undercut.

General

Where can your Tav be recruited?  Are they first encountered on the Nautiloid, or in the Nautiloid crash region?  Or are they not recruitable until a later act?

Varien is a ranger who is in the service of the Emerald Grove druids. They act as security, patrolling the grove and escorting anyone away as peacefully as possible. They can be recruited to help find Halsin, as they personally despise Kagha and of course what she intends to do to the refugees. They believe these extenuating circumstances pose no threat to the balance of nature and that the tieflings should have a safe place to stay until the roads are clear. The sooner Halsin returns, the sooner Kagha will be prevented from making a huge decision that changes the balance of the grove. They will remain in the camp as a companion due to their desire to assist the PC and the rest with their tadpoles as thanks for helping them save Halsin.

Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

Wyll - Wyll thinks you've made a good choice. He's met Varien already obviously, and vibes with their selflessness and desire to help others.

Lae'zel - I suppose you could say she's neutral until Varien has proved themself one way or the other. She believes a ranger could provide useful skills like tracking and investigation, as well as the fortitude to hold their own alone in the wild, however Varien has a gentleness and mercifulness about them that she finds pointless and fears could be a hinderance.

Astarion - he pretends not to give a shit one way or the other but the PC can sense some uneasiness about the hunter...

Gale - Gale approves, of course he seems to approve of anyone with a selfless and charitable personality.

Shadowheart - also in approval. Varien is useful, and while they are helpful they also show clear boundaries about who they are and aren't one to pry for information and mainly stay quiet and to themself unless spoken to first.

Does your Tav have any comments or advice when you recruit other companions?

Varien believes the more help the better and will mostly approve any time you recruit, but they have a healthy level of suspicion as well. When it comes to Astarion and Shadowheart, they may hint at their concern for them stirring the pot and causing drama... but of course not outright accuse.

What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

First and foremost showing kindness toward children and animals is the quickest way to build a relationship with them, as well as doing any favors that may not grant you anything in return. They also appreciate when you try to learn all the facts before you act. A couple ways to lose their approval include being needlessly malicious, or acquiescing to intimidation from someone who they believe is in the wrong. (like Kagha)

Are there any instances where your Tav can permanently leave the party, depending on player character actions?

Continuous cruelty toward your other companions is a good way. They seem to accept any abuse you throw their way. They are a strategist at heart and believe that using the tadpole to infiltrate the Absolute is wise, however if you start siding them them that's going to be a problem. Either path you choose they're going to aggro before they leave.

Do they have any secrets that can be revealed?  What are the prerequisites for this secret coming to light?

The cause of their desire to protect children comes from years of abuse as a child, and the desire to protect animals comes from animals being their only allies during this time. Simply raise your approval enough to learn this, but you must ask about it if they seem to be particularly down.

Also, they're a virgin. You'll learn this if you try to have sex with them.

Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game?  Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

They're not that cool or important unfortunately. That could change but as of right now, not really.

What do they say when the Player Character asks them to stay in camp?  How about when the Player Character asks them to come adventuring again?

Stay in camp - "It's your call, if that's your wish so be it."

Join the group again - "Of course. Anything I can do to help."

Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?

The benefit to having ptsd from abuse is learning to stay under the radar and be a people pleaser. Luckily they manage to stay in their place. However, if Gale ends up keeping the crown for himself, that could end whatever friendship they may have. They won't have a huge blowout about it, they'll simply stop speaking to or about him except for voicing their disappointment and disapproval.

Are there any unique NPCs associated with your Tav that can show up during the course of the game?

They have a druid friend outside of the grove who may be another healer option to try to remove the tadpoles, but of course that's beyond her realm of ability.

Are there any moments in the game that trigger unique dialogue for your character? (Like Gale’s anecdote about the barfight after you save the goblin prisoner) 

Allowing Astarion to feed on you will trigger dialogue about their approval, about the balance of nature and how everything has its purpose and its niche. If you insult Astarion after finding out he's a vampire, they will ask you to reconsider. Either way you'll get a long winded speech about the value of the vampire bat in its ecosystem.

Story Specific

How does your Tav advise the player character when it comes to the Dream Visitor?

Varien will tell you to consider the benefit of using the tadpole as the visitor suggests, but urges you to think about it first and do so only because you believe you should. There's still the possibility this is part of the Absolute's plot... Keep your mind open yet appropriately guarded.

How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

Varien doesn't trust Raphael as far as they can throw him. They'll still side with you if you choose to try to cut a deal with him, so long as you really analyze every possible angle so you don't get monkey paw'd. Flex your intelligence, for deals with devils are a game of strategy, and they're most likely to win.

How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

An organism must feed. They understand. They do of course prefer it's consenual.

How do they react to the Player Character letting Abdirak whip them?

They're very curious. They'll ask if you think they should give it a try next? They are blushing.

How do they react to the Player Character taking their first tadpole power?

This could be useful, but keep your wits about you and learn more before you continue.

Will they stay with the Player Character regardless of siding with the goblins or the tieflings, or is it possible for them to leave the party permanently?

They will leave if you don't side with the tieflings. not because goblins are goblins, but because of the Absolute, and because of their desire to be an ally to the oppressed.

What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?

The shy and reserved Varien opens up a LOT once they get a few drinks in them. They laugh, they dance, you may even find them making out with somebody. Maybe even you. It probably won't go farther than that though.

Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with? 

They'll probably ask what it was like, but profusely apologize if you don't want to give an answer. You may be beginning to realize how pent up they are despite their hesitance.

Do they have unique dialogue if the Player Character lets them die when they steal the Blood of Lathander?

i havent completed this quest i have no idea

How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?

Probably just giggle and try to hide the fact that they're laughing

What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?

"If I start to cry, it's your fault."

Is it possible for your Tav to be kidnapped and replaced by Orin?  How is Orin's deception revealed?  How do they react to the PC rescuing them in the Temple of Bhaal?

I think they're too tightly wound and hyper aware of everything to be doppelganger'd tbh

How do they react to the PC either allowing Astarion to ascend or convincing him to spare the 7000 spawn?

Varien would much rather prefer you follow star trek rules and choose the needs of the many. They also know that while Astarion is also traumatized, they can't fathom if their own trauma had lasted 200 years and seem to be begrudgingly accepting of a lot of the things Astarion does.

How does Tav react to the PC becoming a mind flayer?  Can they offer to become one themselves?  Does their reaction change if they’re romanced? 

They will accept your choice, but they will refuse to go through it themself. Regardless if you've romanced or not, they won't change.

How do they react when the Dark Urge first reveals their amnesia and murderous thoughts to them?

i haven't done this play through yet idk ;w; I'm gonna not answer the other DU questions bc idk yet

Romance

Is your Tav a romanceable character?  Are there any specific requirements to romancing them?

Varien is a romantic deep down and very much romanceable. You must save Halsin, the refugees and the Grove first. I'm on the fence about if this is required or just very helpful, but making out with them at the party. You will also have to be supportive of the fact that they're a virgin at nearly 30. (bc really its not a big deal)

Does your Tav need to be flirted with to start the romance, or will they approach the PC themselves if approval is high enough?

Varien must be approached. They're very self conscious.

Are they a polyamorous or a monogamous option?

Varien is polyamorous as long as they're allowed to join now and then.

Do they have a special romance scene at the tiefling/goblin party?

Varien will thank you deeply and earnestly for helping the tieflings. Their body language will be much more languid and flirtatious than usual and they will tell you they're so grateful they could kiss you. If you turn them down they'll just laugh and apologize saying they're just a little tipsy and they didn't mean to overstep. If you kiss them, you have the option to continue kissing more deeply until they gently push you away. They'll apologize breathlessly and ask that the two of you end it here. They can't go further, they'll explain in the morning.

Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?

There's the one discussed, and you have the option to date Halsin, Astarion, or Shadowheart first. Specifically, if it's Halsin first, they'll confess that there were many times they've watched Halsin with a more than a glance from time to time and that if he were open to you joining the relationship, they would be beyond honored.

How do they react to the player character breaking up with them, or choosing another character over them?

Absolutely crushed and annihilated. They'll tell you they understand and hope you can stay friends, but you may need to give them space for a couple long rests before they're ready to speak again.

What questions can Zethino ask the PC about Tav in the Love Test? 

oof i haven't done this either idk what this is

If they’re poly, do they have a reaction to the PC engaging in a relationship with Halsin?

"I don't blame you. Halsin... how I've given him more than a passing glance from time to time while serving him. His heart is as big as his stature... Speaking of, is he... ah. Nevermind. I'm forgetting myself."

How do they react if the PC has sex with Mizora? The Emperor?  Haarlep?

Mizora is the only one they'd really have an issue with. Not enough to break up with you, but you might get a little side eye.

Will they join in with the PC and the Drow Twins, or no?

Yes, with a lot of nerves and fidgeting and the need to take deep breaths. Because while they're willing and ready to explore, they're still quite new to this.

What are Tav’s plans for the future?  Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?

Varien would love to get married. Though instead of outright being the one to ask, they'll drop hints until you ask yourself.

Free space! Share anything from your companion!Tav au!

They may mention that it's a real shame that Gale wouldn't be open to being in a polyamourous relationship with the two of you. He's quite charming and handsome as well.

#this took me 2 hours kjhksdvjsj

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

So even though I watched it a couple of weeks ago, the TWD final season is still in my head. And I just had some more thoughts about two topics:

1) Leah: While I didn't like Leah as a love interest for Daryl (which they made pretty clear that she was not going to be from the outset of when Daryl saw her again), and while I thought she was...an extreme character, I actually liked this iteration of her compared to when we saw her last. She still had the same issues, wanting Daryl to choose her and be all for her, having that concern about loyalty and I daresay devotion. But, she was an actual badass, until things went to shit. I was stuck on this story I'm trying to write and it actually helped to dissolve that block because she literally physically represented everything that has been in my head for a character for ages but could never find the right visual to represent them. So maybe that's why I'm more kindly inclined towards that part of the season for Daryl (not to mention, imho that faction was way more heart-pounding-terror inducing for Daryl than the Commonwealth arc but that's just my opinion).

2) Caryl: When it comes to Daryl and Carol, I know I've said it before but I really am happy with how they left it. Tbh, Daryl was never one of my favorite characters (Carol was more so). Don't get me wrong, I like him, I like how Norman plays him, he's obviously very important to the story, but I think I personally connected more with Rick's story than I did Daryl's for example, even Negan compared to him I think. But I always loved the Caryl dynamic and it became my OTP. But, with Daryl, I never really looked too closely at his character but considering they never really gave him a romance on the show that included the physical (except Leah and we all saw how that one turned out), I do wonder, considering Daryl's sometimes still wanting to be off on his own, if perhaps the Caryl "I love you" at the end of the finale was as far as Angela Kang felt that she could go with that relationship, along with Norman and Melissa.

The reason I say that is Daryl had Beth, right? While it didn't go canon per se, there was a strong hint there. He lets her in, little by little, but they only get as far as some lingering looks basically, right? Daryl cares about Beth but then he loses her.

Connie comes along and it's obvious that he likes her. Connie cares about him and vice versa, even Carol picks up on it. He loses her but then gets her back, even with Carol encouraging him to do something about it. He never does, and it's clear by the end of the finale that while he cares about Connie, it feels like it's settled more into a friendship, especially for Connie. He's comfortable with where it's at. She's alive, happy, healthy as possible, and living her life safely. That's all he can ask for her, right?

We also have Leah. While he hooked up with Leah and possibly even fell in love with her for a time (I'd have to go back and watch this episode, I don't remember if they had this convo or not), eventually Leah leaves and he doesn't think he'll ever see her again. Even though he made the tough decision to give up his family for her as she had been demanding of him (which as a side note is obviously not healthy). He didn't want to give them up but he cared about her that much that he was going to give it a shot. (again, I really need to rewatch that episode, forgive me if I'm forgetting anything) Then when he sees her again, she's part of this extreme faction, he has to play on their old connection to stay alive and suss out the situation. When he realizes she might not be as extreme as her leader, he trusts her with the truth and very quickly finds out it was the wrong move. Leah still lives by that old ideology: you're either with me or with them, and now it's to the extreme. He mercifully lets her live and then is forced to kill her in order to save Maggie's life later on.

So all in all, Daryl has not had the greatest run when it comes to possibly-romantic (and sexual) relationships with the women he has come to care for in more than a familial or friendship way. The two women who mean the most to him on that scale (Carol, Connie - when in comparison to people like Maggie for example) are yes, still alive and he is able to do something about it, but he chooses not to.

I don't remember the exact explanation about Daryl's character back in the day but we know he's not from the comics and this is obviously not a romance-focus show. That doesn't mean romance can't happen (i.e. Richonne, Cazekiel, Glen x Maggie) but it's not the core that all other events of the show revolve around. My point being, Daryl wasn't created for that reason.

So my thinking on this, after seeing him not doing anything about Connie and thinking back to Beth, and seeing Daryl taking off again in the finale to be on his own (yes, this does set up the spinoff but it's also integral to his character I think, he's still restless, not able to settle in fully), I'm thinking that this is a make-up of his character that AK chose to stay true to. While Daryl lived in Alexandria, he still went out past the gate. He was able to live as he liked, like we see him doing in the finale. When he lived in the Commonwealth, he wasn't able to do as he liked, but he did it for two reasons: Judith and RJ. Those were the roots that were tying him down, meaning that was the only thing he was willing to put roots down for I mean. When things are made better by the end, he no longer has to do that.

How does this all relate to Caryl and their ending? Because AK took it as far as could go without A) betraying Daryl's character & B) keeping his character open for the spinoff. If there wasn't a spinoff, I still think AK would have gone this way. What Daryl has with Carol isn't sexual in nature. Which is interesting when you compare Leah to Carol, where Melissa herself talked about how there was mirroring going on between Carol and Leah in that episode where Daryl meets Leah. And there is: Dog is a big link between the two, for example. So not only do we have that connection between these two women in his life, Carol is the antithesis of Leah if you think about it. Daryl had sex with Leah, and he was giving up his family for her even though he didn't really want to. She made him choose. Carol and Daryl don't have a sexual relationship, and she has never made him choose her over the family, or even wanted him to. While Daryl wasn't happy with Rick when he kicked Carol out back in the earlier seasons, Carol never wanted to find Daryl in order to get him to choose her over the group, even after she came back.

So this ILY scene in the finale actually holds way more meaning than I think some people are giving it credit for. As we know, Carol loves Daryl for who he is, how he is. She doesn't make demands of him or insists he change the core aspects of who he is. Not in the way Leah did for example. Beth and Connie I don't think would have either, but they were never connected to Leah in the way Carol had been.

And if we go further, Carol has always been connected to the other ladies, not just Leah. Beth was stuck in the same hospital as Carol, both taken from Daryl while he was with them solely. Carol is there to see Beth die. Connie was lost due to Carol's actions/choices and she feels guilty due to it, it's why Daryl is so mad at her and it causes friction in their own relationship, and she never stops giving hope to Kelly. Carol has always been connected.

So for her to also mirror/be connected to the one woman we see Daryl get physical with and get the closest he's ever been to a verbal ILY in the show, it means exactly what we've been saying: Daryl loves Carol and vice versa. So that ILY holds way more weight than I think most people realize. Was it a kiss? No. Was it them getting married or them riding off for a makeshift honeymoon? No. But we got the confirmation. In a way that was true to Daryl's character, their relationship (who he has the most intimacy with emotionally and shares tender touches and embraces with), and having an unfinished air about it with hope for the future.

I did not see the Talking Dead so I have no idea if the actors were asked about this scene or not, but considering the story and how this occurred in that story, it completely makes sense why AK decided to go this route for them.

And Daryl being told he can still be happy too (alluding to him having to find it) isn't because Carol isn't it for him or he hasn't fallen in love yet. It's to keep things open for the spinoff while Daryl is still restless. Daryl is a guy, imho, that will always be on the move. Even if he married Carol, let's say, and they had a huge family of their own, there is no way that Daryl won't become restless during that time and still go out beyond the gate, for days at a time. He's not Rick or Negan or Eugene; that's not who he is. I think he even confirms that when telling the story of the hiding spot he used to go to when he was a kid, to hide until his dad fell asleep. While it's sad that he had to do that, it's what he became used to. Even when he had Merle, he was always on his own. I hate to use the word 'drifter' or 'nomad' but that's basically what he is. No matter how happy or settled he might be in other areas of his life. That's another reason why Dog is so appealing for his story line: Dog can go with him anywhere he goes. Dog can settle into Alexandria 3.0 or he can be on the road for days at a time. (not comparing Carol to a dog obviously but you get my point)

So for Carol to be saying goodbye to him, for them to mention how Carol has the new job now (as a reason why she can't go anywhere with him), it isn't just for the spinoff. It's because they're telling you this is why we're doing things this way; this is who they are together. And for them to have both characters saying ILY to each other (yes, even without the kiss), they're telling you all you need to know.

This is who has taken residence in his heart. And because of who he is, that ILY was as far as they could have taken it at that moment. Or else we would have seen him do something about Connie when she came back, or we would have seen more romance for him in the show. But that's not who he is.

#twd finale #caryl #daryl x carol #caryl meta #i guess? #twdposts #the walking dead #twd #the walking dead finale #sorry btw my memory sometimes gets overloaded #so if i missed anything or got something wrong pls feel free to mention it #also sorry for the rambling #i had A LOT of thoughts

[abyssal-ali]

wwyditnfuo - 3: but we kept everything professional

M | 1.6k | Ao3 | Masterlist | Main Masterlist | CW: casual discussions of murder/violence

Chapter Two ->

Jason’s hand wrapped loosely around her wrist. “Please don’t run again.”

Steph glanced down at their joined hands, then up at him through her bangs. “I’m not gonna run.”

He gave her A Look, but released her. 

“Fine, we can talk about it. We did it, it’s over, what’s there to talk about?”

He settled back in his seat, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Is it going to make things awkward? Are we going to ignore it? Are we going to do it again?”

His calm list of questions turned her awkward fidgeting back to tapping on her mug.

It was one thing to kiss a guy or even have a one-night stand and never talk about it again because you never saw each other after that; it was a whole new experience to kiss a guy and then become platonic partners with him.

Okay, she’d kissed Tim and they’d kind of worked together as Robin and Spoiler, but that went disastrously. They’d been younger and stupider then, or at least she had been, and their weird relationship was not healthy.

…On that note, partnering with a guy who was planning to murder at least one person probably wasn’t the healthiest, either, whether they had or hadn’t kissed.

“I don’t think it would be awkward if we didn’t make it awkward–which I am aware I’m doing right now, yes–but ignoring it will make it worse,” she said slowly, staring into the murky depths of her chai. “We’ve acknowledged it and now we can move forward, past it, I think. I don’t think it would be a good idea to continue down that path, since we’re basically work partners. Y’know what they say about dating at work,” she flicked her eyes to his, then down to his mug.

“Okay. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I understand. Strictly friends, then?”

Steph stared at his hand, held out for her to take.

Was she really going to refuse the hottest guy in Gotham, who was also genuinely nice and respectful, knew about her night time activities and supported her, and also made the best food ever, because she was letting her foolish teenage decisions and consequences dictate her actions today?

Yes, yes she was. 

She shook his hand. “Friends.”

Girl, what are you doing?

“But,” she blurted, pausing Jason from where he was standing to clear up the kitchen. “I wouldn’t be mad if we reconsidered it after our partnership dissolves.”

He shot her a sly grin. “I’ll have to look into speeding up our plans, then.”

Steph covered her blush with a faceful of mug, downing her chai in three gulps.

~~~

Steph joined Jason’s training when she could, since his apartment had a whole room devoted to work out equipment and safe training spaces. She wouldn’t have to make do with her crummy equipment or worry about people at the gym, and she had an excellent teacher, who quickly had her upping her skills and improving her techniques.

It was fun to work out with someone who knew what they were doing. They could make fun of Batman and the Robins together, discuss very-likely-illegal techniques and happenings that would be questionable if overheard, and watch each other’s exercises for proper form, et cetera.

After a workout and shower, Jason would make them chai, and then they’d go to his evil plotting lair and they’d discuss the best plans and proceedings to ruin Black Mask.

Jason was also a surprising help in her medical studies, since his time with the League of Assassins and travelling the world gave him a wealth of knowledge about the human body and medical procedures.

It was useful to know where nerve endings were when you were a torturer, and knowing which parts of the body would not cause immediate death if injured or removed made an excellent anatomy student. Knowing how to patch up and treat a person who was injured, whether yourself or someone else, was a valuable skill, especially in their field of work.

Steph found herself at Jason’s place more than her own. It had been lonely, being by herself all the time. She’d volunteered at Leslie’s clinic when her schedule allowed, but the majority of the time, she was alone.

Alone at home, studying or sleeping. Alone on patrol, with no backup if things went sideways, even if she was stopping petty theft and escorting drunk girls home. Alone at university, not daring to make friends for their safety, but also, how could she connect with them?

Alone, alone, alone.

It was nice to make a friend in Jason, someone who understood her and her struggles, her PTSD and the war she was fighting to make people’s lives better. He cooked when she would’ve either scarfed down $1 ramen or a granola bar, too tired after studying and volunteering to think about anything else.

They worked out together, practicing spars and running simulations of possible future events. They planned together, Jason respecting her ideas and her current struggle with her moral code. He asked for her help and input, unlike many she could think of (namely, Batman and Robin).

Jason also made her laugh, cracking dark jokes as he read her textbooks over her shoulder, or recounting some story from his Robin days as they patrolled.

Steph had practically moved in at that point, having a full half of his closet and most of her daily things scattered across his apartment.

Jason never minded, either; she was pretty sure he’d been just as lonely as she, based on comments he’d made about how glad he was to have another person to cook for, or for another brain to bounce ideas off.

~~~

“Why don’t you just formally move in?”

Steph choked on her pho.

“That’s a new way to start dinnertime conversation,” she got out, reaching for her water.

“Well, you’re practically already moved in,” Jason shrugged. “Just end your lease and save your money and live here. I don’t mind. It’s nice having you here.”

Steph considered it. “Fine. But I’m paying rent here, too.”

“As if I don’t already notice you sneaking money into my wallet?” He rolled his eyes. “Of course you can pay rent.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

“You have tomorrow off from classes, right?”

She nodded.

“Great, I’ll bring the car and we can haul your stuff over in one trip.”

Steph blinked, her spoon frozen midair. “You don’t have to help, I can manage.”

“I know, but it’s your day off. It’ll save you time if I help. It’s not like my business is going to suffer if I go out an hour later than usual,” he shrugged. “Unless you’d rather I don’t help.”

“No, I appreciate it. It’s not like I have a whole contact list to call to help.”

“Okay, then. Start early and have a relaxing afternoon, or sleep in and start later?” Jason’s teal eyes peered up at her from under his white bangs as he ate his pho.

“Ummm…sleep in a bit, pack and move, and then relax?” suggested Steph.

“Sounds good.”

~~~

A knock sounded on Steph’s door, ten minutes after she woke up.

Yawning, she opened the door, her hand hidden behind it grasping a baton.

“Jason?”

He blinked at her holey T-shirt and sweats that she used as pajamas, then looked back up at her. “I brought breakfast.”

“Come in! Welcome! Make yourself at home!” she snagged the paper bag from his hands, opening the door wider for him to enter as she peered into the bag. “Oooh, waffles from the diner by Monolith Square? You’re the best!”

He smirked, self-satisfied. “I know. You’re welcome. So, what are your plans for packing up? We each take a spot, we both work together till one room is done..?”

Steph looked up, her waffle-filled cheeks puffed like a chipmunk’s, her eyes wide as a deer in the headlights as she recalled every single thing she had left out that she absolutely did not want Jason to see.

“Did you eat already?” She deflected, heading to her (thankfully closed) bedroom door.

“Yep.”

“Great,” she said, sounding less enthused about her possible distraction being taken away than her five essays all due on the same weekend. “The boxes are over there–” she waved at the stack of cardboard in the corner by her bookshelves “--you can start packing my books, I guess. No judging my tastes.” She waved her finger at him, seeing him eye her shelf of old bodice-rippers, then disappeared into the depths of her room to scream into a pillow.

Panicking over, she quickly brushed her hair, put on a cuter change of clothes, and filled a box with the absolutely-never-to-be-seen-by-Jason things, like her vibrator.

~~~

With Jason’s help (and since half her things were already at his–their–apartment), the packing and moving didn’t take long.

Now they were relaxing on Jason’s couch in the living room, eating pizza and watching John Wick: Chapter 2. 

“Could you do that?” Steph asked around a mouthful of pizza, glancing at Jason from the corner of her eye.

“What, kill a guy with a pencil?” He snorted. “Yeah, I have.”

“Was it like the movie?” Her attention was focused on her partner now.

“Movies always increase gore and action for the views. Of course, I stabbed the guy in the neck, not through the ear like John here did, so there was a bit more blood, but it was with my foot, so I couldn’t be quite so precise at the moment. Easier to aim for the neck than the ear canal,” he shrugged.

“You stabbed a guy in the neck with a pencil using your foot?!” Steph exclaimed.

“Yep.”

Steph watched Jason nonchalantly take a bite of his pizza as he stared at the screen, now showing John Wick entering the museum.

Hm.

Jason Todd was a fascinating man.

She was glad she was living with him.

Chapter 4 ->

#jaysteph #jaysteph fic #wwyditnfuo #ali writes

[spookyrobbins]

okay so i’m also curious why you think mark would not have been a good father the older sofia got.

okay buckle up i have thoughts

let's predicate all this with no plane crash etc

so in s8, when mark dies in canon, sofia's still basically a baby and they all live in the same building so it's easy enough to trade off nights and share parenting. but obviously, sofia's not going to stay a baby and presumably, calzona would want more kids and therefore, likely move into a house. and odds are, mark would also get into a relationship and/or outgrow his apartment. basically, there would totally be a point where logistics would start to necessitate formal schedules, etc. and especially if mark remains single, he may not have the same flexibility that calzona do, which likely leads to growing tensions between calzona and mark.

a big part of mark's behavior in his relationships, friendships, etc is how possessive he is and i think as calzona start to grow away from him, this would only get worse. mark made it pretty clear that he views callie and sofia as his family, but if callie's focused on growing her family/life with arizona, i think tensions would start to grow between mark and calzona. and let's even say mark and arizona have continued to maintain somewhat friendly relations. mark would become increasingly not involved in calzona's day to day life, and it would really be more of a coparenting relationship.

which leads me to my next point - i think mark would feel like he has to be a better parent, a more fun parent than calzona. i think it'd probably start small when sofia's little with buying bigger, better toys, giving her ice cream and letting her watch movies late, etc. and esp if their custody schedule is sort of a weekend deal for mark purely because of schedules, or even if it's every other week, calzona who are constantly frustrated with how mark doesn't keep sofia on a similar schedule/routine and has basically no rules. i think this would just get more intensified as sofia gets older. mark is the fun parent and calzona are the strict ones. mark would be in an endless competition to be the house that sofia prefers.

this one is a bit more up in the air, but with how mark does tend to run his mouth a bit, when/if things are strained with calzona, and arizona especially, i think mark may be prone to making comments to sofia about it. and essentially putting her in the middle of whatever current problem they are. we see that both callie and arizona never did this with sofia during their divorce, so i think it's safe to assume that they wouldn't do it with mark either. but mark loves to make little digs and i could see him just making little comments, which isn't exactly creating a healthy co-parenting environment.

but also, i really think mark might not exactly be the best kind of girl dad. like i can totally see mark and all his weirdness about women not being great for raising a daughter. i mean, take a look at the episode with his grandson and all the weirdness there and think about how that might change with a daughter.

on the scale of parenting, mark is probably just somewhere kind of mediocre, but i just don't think he would be the super dad that a lot of people seem to portray him as. a baby is a lot different from a toddler from a kid from a teenager. especially with the complex dynamics of their parenting situation.

[plutoswrath]

☾ They way we are wired: the IC/Moon/4th house and your emotional patterns and responses ☽

Aries IC/Moon/4th: Home was an area of proof. Proof the self and prove the others, similar to Scorpio IC/Moon/4th, the marsian nature of this placement triggers a survival mode and creates someone who’s first instinct is to react and challenge their opponent. Home could have also been a battle ground of some sort and the individual might have realised that the only way to overcome this force of aggression is to rely on the self or find people to align to. Naturally this can give someone tendencies to retreat and chose the themself, but not in the intention to harm, but because the survival mode is triggered. They might have learned to follow their impulses, because the quicker they react, the faster they have the upper hand of a situation, and while this method does saves time and trouble, this could have easily lead to worsening their situation, and thus they can also fall back into a lesser known method: strategically planing their (loved ones/goals/desires) survival. As they know no other than bravely facing the world, their open nature can become inviting for people that want to try them, though out of experience, they will not take their enthusiastic nature for granted. Likewise these people are power houses that can have the tendency to forcefully and sometimes without consideration push those aside that limitat them. 

Taurus IC/Moon/4th: Usually, these people have been raised with a sense of satisfaction, stability was a priority for the parents, so the child seeks the same comfort and worries for the future can motivate them deeply to take action. Tough the satisfaction doesn’t have to include emotional fulfullment always, as the parents made their values and priorities very clear. Likewise this individual will walk through the world with (at best) set priorities and will actively try to meet their own standard. Anything that threatens to make this tower collapse will force them to react, and depending on their inner security and self-worth/esteem they can react quiet drastic and dramatic even, as this is the time when the bull will fall into it’s tantrum. This can also lead into destructive and forceful ways to either withold, keep or get what brings them pleasure or eases their mind. If they feel that there’s something lacking in their life, they usually practically and persistently work towards it and at best aren’t easily shaken, but there is a great sensibility inside of them, that can cloud their mind equally with fear and the realization of what is and isn’t healthy for them (emotionally and physically) could only come after a peroid of walking through the mudd for far too long. 

Gemini IC/Moon/4th: This persons ubringing was most likely unstable and inconsistent, which is most likely reflected by the behaviour of one of their parental figures (or both). Likewise, they had to allow, as well as endure, uncertainty in their childhood. Thus, they are flexible and adaptive and thus can appear as very affable but there is a lack of perspective and continuity in their life that can cause them to lose track which results in them having to reorient themself (which they can find much pleasure in at times). This can be traced back to their parents, as either  both parents reflected the other so much, that they could have formed to seemingly one individual (this can also hint to a single parent having to take on ‘two roles’). If the native has siblings, this reflecting of one another can also happen between them, thus the individual automatically sets themself apart from the rest in their mind. As the child grows up, it might realise that it could lack perspective and purpose and emotions that help them connect the dots, to now the person could fall back into rationalizing everything in order to make sense out of it. There is strong need to communicate to release tension, they listen to all because they try to at least understand all. While this can help building a distance to overwhelming emotions and situations, the problem also lies exactly in the inability to allow the self to become closer to those bigger concepts and grande emotions which leave them dissatisfied or even more confused. 

Cancer IC/Moon/4th: These people always come back to their roots: Usually, they handle from experience and knowledge that is passed over, when the IC/Moon/4th house is in cancer, the individual will find themself in a very strong and empathized conenction with their family - doesn’t matter if it’s more on the positive or negative side. Here the individual will find themself having to care for (generational) family matters and thus can connect well to the emotions and affairs to others, but often times neglect themself. With a bond so deep, they (surprisingly for some) can come off and become pretty detached, as they at one point can be easily overwhelmed with the emotional bagagge and responsibility they carry. They either detach and seek to break the conenction with whatever bothers them, or they embrace the situation and ‘clean up’ the mess. These individuals will find themself too much inclined with other peoples emotions and/or problems, and usually will grow to become independent (financially and emotionally) in order to adapt a more objective perspective. These people can be incredibly enduring and persistent in their approaches to others/situations and they allow time to speak, though, they sometimes should know when to let go and build distance for their own good. 

Leo IC/Moon/4th: Home could have literally functioned like a pack, it doesn’t matter if the person has siblings or not, even though home was a place for experiencing joy, creativity and warmth, it was also a place of hierarchy. These people usually have a very complex relationship to others - at one hand they need their pack, it’s their support system, their backbone when they have a hrd time standing up by themselves and they do need the validation and recognition, but at the same time they could feel threatened by people overpowering them, the idea of being too dependend on the love and support of others makes them doubt themselves and distrustfull and often times they feel the need to prove their strength or worth, just as a lion has to fight off a challenger, not only for the pack, but also for the pride. They either come back to their supportive ‘pack’, as they usually create this safe space of trust, comfort, security, encouragement and love, or they become prideful, bold and loud and try to get the upper hand and authority back. The strong desire to prove worth and obtain love might stern from a difficult relationship with a parental figure. There might have been not a healthy amount of attention given to the individual. 

Virgo IC/Moon/4th: This person comes from a place of just and order. Here, they fall back into disecting the world and people around them, they are driven to find a solution. They can easily get hung up on small emotions/details, there is a potential to overanalyze situations, but the thought of order is imprintent in their minds, acting ‘rightful’ and ‘appropriate’ makes them orient themself to any kind of rule or pattern they can follow. These individuals want to avoid the feeling of embarassement/shame, probably due to past issues in their homelife, so they calculate possible outcomes right from the beginning. They prevent. With this placement though, people usually experiences a ‘lack of’ in their homelife. This could have been caused by a permanentely dissatisfied parental figure, even though the wound is emotional, the solution or apparent problem mainfested as something materialistic and this mindset is carried on as they grow up. Though these people seem to think about everything, the challenge appears when their solutions in the 3D world are not enough: when they have to face their and otehrs feelings as the working surface they can find themself irritated and trying to escape the ‘irrationality’ and feelings in their perception of logic. They need to pay attention to not become too controling, compulsing or discrimenating and trust others. 

Libra IC/Moon/4th: This persons upbringing was deeply influenced by the realtionships in their family, and strongest by the ones of their parents. It can se the tone of the way they lead all their connections and calls for a deeper self reflection and a sense for self-determination and initiative from the individuals side. It’s true that the image one gave off and focusing on the others played a major role in the way they were raised. Here, the individual might have a strong desire to put things 'back into place', they try to rebalance and adjust everything, their own and others emotional states, because only if harmony is reached, then peace can be sought after. The focus here can sometimes lie too much on the superficial aspects, as they might have experiences that as they grew up the way things were presented to the public eye were one of the outmost important aspects of being raised and thus they can also mistake other feelings as their own. Regardless, it could have pleased their parental figures a lot, so now they fall back into 'pleasing the self and others'. This can lead to shallow behaviour in order to keep the native safe and sound, but their deep understanding of how people function and things just connect to each other can makes them equally caring and loving, but holding a healthy balance between those two aspects seem to be the difficulty here.

Scorpio IC/Moon/4th: These people come from a very vulnerable place. The homelife might have forced them to go through extremes that induced a lot of fear inside of them, causing them to be extra cautious and sensitive towards their environment. They might carry a deep sens eof responsibility for others as well, as their homelife could have relected the merging of affairs and ressources of the parental figures and the consequence of being each others responsibility. A Scorpio IC/Moon/4th house can give anyone a very emotional and deep side and if the situation calls for it, trigger a survival instinct inside of the native. They might cling to people more than other expect or use methods to guarantee their own well-being and safety that have the potential cross boundaries/limits. These individuals could have seen and experienced a lot, so they come prepared and stand their ground. Can be surprisingly 'lone wolfs', because they too need their time alone when hurt and appreciate not only solitude but loyal people in their life, and they usually walk through fire for those who are worth it.

Sagittarius IC/Moon/4th: The upringing most likely left the individual on their own at one point or another, it doesn’t mean that the parents were not loving or careful, but absent at some point and left the native to travel alone and find their ways. These individuals only want to be unhindered and free. They grew up with big ideals that could also been imprinted by their parents, though equally confronted with all the world has to offer and at the same there could have been strong believes that made them feel small, caged in, clouded their perception and thus triggered their sense for self-determination. Whenever they feel pressured they search for the best way to become free again, this can trigger a very reactive side of them, they will let go without any warnings and search for new, safer grounds, because for them there's always a next destination that surely will offer a better stay. This can make them appear lonely to others (though these people have the ability to attract new friends easily with their curious nature), but falling can feel like flying to them, so even though part of the journey they'll be alone, they mostly enjoy it.

Capricorn IC/Moon/4th: The upringing here had the fulfillment of necessities as one of the top priorities and the focus on the materialistic world might have made on of their parental figures a strict judge and often times turned the air around them cold. Being used to uncomfortable weather though, these people can pretty much turn on a steel mask and just walk through the toughest storms if it comes down to it - they are experienced in handling difficult situations and being on their own. Being self-sufficient and rationalizing precarious situations to get the control back is their talent, but mostly because it has always been that way. There was always something missing and a possible distance towards their parental figures, so they learned quickly how to get it all themselves or how to be on their own when their parents (consciously or unconsciously) decided to seperate the child from the source of care and warmth. They usually accept the solitude that comes with it, because things just have to get done somehow. But they should be reminded not to overuse this 'special ability', because it can make them feel very out of touch with their emotions and themself.

Aquarius IC/Moon/4th: Either this individual found themself set apart by circumstances caused by their family or society, or there was an individual attempt to own themself and their differences compared to the rest of their family. These people most likely experienced a frequent change in their home life, either their family constellation changed abruptly or their home setting, regarldess, this caused them to build a distance to either people or places. This distance can bring not only a objectivity and practicality to their approaches, but also an usually unjust associated coldness. These people have used their (sometimes unwanted) freedom for their own benefit at best and value their opportunities to go out in the world and recognize themselves in various people/concepts/places, thus this makes them a person that not only connects easily with the greater collective, but also might find themself fighting for what is not theirs. This can be due to an avoidant attachement style, but often times their search for themself in this wide world makes a limit of self expression, freedom or peace the biggest trigger. If someone challenges their boundaries they either get surprisngly reactionary or can easily cut them off. They are okay with moving on and leaving places or people - or at least have accepted this as a part of their own progress -, but at times it can appear too easy and should raise the question of when to deepen the bond for others. 

Pisces IC/Moon/4th: They come from a place of universal love and understanding. The household involved parental figures that were not transparent and made them rely on their gut instinct and intuition, yet, could have deceived the child by witholding information or family secrets. It's not guaranteed that these people had a safe upbringing, because they were most likely flooded with emotions and other peoples energies, thus making them highly sensitive and receiving, even if they don't want to. Chances are high that they too quickly were exposed to emotional affairs and secrets of the family they could not understand and might have had to act as their parents pandora box, filled with all that should rather be left unseen and unheared. These people will most likely fall into a deep state of retrospective, they either take things as they are or need to emotionally 'digest' them. These people often 'surrender', meaning they either go back in receiving mode and understand and accept. Thus, they can be very forgiving as well, once they made their sense out of it. People can take advantage of this trait, or the individual themself might not realize that their cut their own flesh at times. The sensitivity of these people may not be as surprising as with Scorpio IC/Moon/4th people, because it always radiates in the way they connect with the world and people.

#own #WOWIE that took longer than expected but here i offer you free therapy #jk jk #zodiac #astrology #IC #imum coeli #4th house #moon #moon sign #moon signs #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces