#mental defectives applies to me so I feel this

[eldritch-spouse]

Nebul listening to 'How Do You Keep The Music Playing?' while he viciously murders his new disappointment of a Pearl: https://youtu.be/2bs7qIb6Uug?si=m9_IcFMCIS__ykx1

(It's a song about a romantic relationship that's losing it's spark mwahahaha)

[I'm sorry, I love Frank Sinatra, but the mental image of Nebul listening to him had me cackling.]

Making the perfect pet is hard hard work.

First, the wraith has to find someone who interests him, which is easier said than done at this point in his unlife.

Then, he has to carefully break most parts of them away. Carefully, so that the elements he likes remain mostly untouched, stored away to be retriggered later.

Afterwards, Nebul needs to train you back together. And spend countless hours applying the finishing touches.

It's a gross summarization of the process he bases most of his professional life around, and needless to say, there is so very much that can go awfully wrong with it. Nebul has failed more times than he cares to admit- Though he always learns from the process, always perfects his methods, adapts.

Although, failing time after time does tend to trivialize it when things don't go his way. He no longer feels a draining sadness, only mild irritation at knowing he made a crucial mistake somewhere along the way. Might as well use music to focus on other things.

Regardless of the damage making you a now defective pet, Nebul's sure he can at least sell you to some of the less caring monsters wanting an obedient plaything.

#Nebul oc

[mephinomaly]

[TL] PYSCHOBREAK/Chapter 8

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Rei: Well, whatever. If there’s nothin’ we can do, should we leave the “vampires” alone then?

Koga: No. Hasumi-senpai has prohibited anyone from enterin’ this livehouse if they haven’t applied to the student council and received approval for their unit.

Don’t really get it but, if you break the rules you’re gonna get punished, so.

But the “vampires” are just gonna ignore that ‘n keep on causin’ havoc.

Hasumi-senpai was sayin’ somethin’ about settin’ up a DreFes so we can put an end to those guys once ‘n for all.

That’s why I’m out here practicin’.

Rei: A Drefes… Is it like a live showdown? Doesn’t really sound dream-like.

Koga: Even if the DreFes takes place ‘n we win, what happens next?

Are the rotted idols at our school gonna suddenly have a moment of introspection ‘n say “from this point forward, I’m going to take my idol activities seriously!”?

Rei: That’s the plan, I guess. A rotted corpse can’t become a living human again though.

But. The DreFes is part of school regulations. From what I’ve seen, rules say that if they keep losin’ they’ll be disqualified from bein’ idols.

Their grades get worse ‘n worse, and since they’re not fit t’be a student at our school anymore, they’ll be suspended or expelled.

Bouzu’s just tryna find an excuse t’exile the delinquents, or “vampires” from school.

Koga: Nn, that’s still kinda a roundabout way of doin’ things… Can’t he just use the very fact that they are delinquents to kick ‘em out? That’s bad enough on its own.

Not much point in him goin’ out of his way t’set up a live showdown.

Rei: There’s a high percentage of Yumenosaki students, especially those on the idol course, that come from respectable families. That includes me.

That’s why the schools been turnin’ a blind eye to all their misconduct.

The entire industry is on the decline, and strugglin’ Yumenosaki needs nutrients to survive– needs money to survive.

No matter how irritatin’ and rowdy they are, it’s not as simple as just throwin’ them out.

That’s Yumenosaki’s fatal flaw. No matter how sick it is, ‘n how much it’s hurtin’, it’s not as simple as just removin’ the defective organs.

On the flip side, the schools been desperately tryna cover up any student scandals ‘n protect them from it.

That’s why the “vampires” are still out here, enjoyin’ their youth. So, what do you think? Pretty revolting story, right?

Koga: I guess… Is money really everythin’? Adults always say that it is.

Is money more important than justice? There’s people out there who have been brought t’tears ‘cos of those delinquents, there’s people who feel like shit even though they haven’t done anything wrong.

Why do people who do bad things laugh ‘n point fun at people who do good things?

It’s weird, Sakuma-senpai.

Rei: Yeah. You realise with age that that’s just how the world is, and you learn to ignore it.

So, if you can, help Bouzu to get rid of these delinquents like he’s planned.

Koga: Th-then, you’ve got to take part too! If Sakuma-senpai is on our side, we’ll have the strength of a hundred people!

Let’s do this! Let’s defeat the delinquents with our music!

Rei: Hm~... When you ask me like that, I go all weak.

Ahaha. I don’t think there’s a fix for this sort of thing…maybe I’ve got an incurable disease.

Koga: Y-you’re sick Sakuma-senpai? Then don’t force yourself t’do anythin’...?

Rei: Don’t worry, it’s more of a mental problem.

Right then. Take me t’where Bouzu is, so I can help him too.

I’ll stand on stage.

Koga: Hah! Fuck yes~! If you’re on our side, we won’t lose to anyone ♪

Rei: But. I’m not the type t’break my promises, so I can’t be on the same side as Bouzu who beat me in the Deadmanz live.

That’s why I can’t stand on the stage as his ally. If I do show up, I’ll be in a different unit to him. That’s the only way I’ll perform.

So. If you’re gonna stand on the stage, you gotta pick. Me or him, Oogami Koga-kun.

Koga: That’s, I’m… This ain’t the time to be stubborn. We should band together so we can defeat those delinquents ‘n then—

Rei: Nope~, no can do. This ain’t some heartwarmin’ story. I’m not breakin’ my promise. Not again.

A promise was made. And he lost.

We’ve said our goodbyes. Our paths will never cross again. We will never stand on the same stage again, with the same goals in mind.

Koga: ...

Rei: Yet I stood with him! We have performed together countless times! I'm sorry about how rash I was back then…!

Koga: True. And in the end, I chose t’stand with you, Sakuma-senpai.

Rei: It feels as if Hasumi-kun bestowed you upon me. He was serious, so I couldn’t break my promise.

He said that since he had formed a new unit, AKATSUKI, and per the rules, could not belong to more than one unit at a time.

In the end, Hasumi-kun acted as a supporting figure, working behind the scenes whilst we fought on the front lines to vanquish the delinquents.

[ ☆ ]

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

#ensemble stars #enstars #translation #undead climax #rei sakuma #koga oogami

[obstinatecondolement]

Whenever I feel like this again I want to go back in time to tell my teenage self that they are not making it up and the pain they are in is not normal and they are not morally lacking for feeling too sick to go into school, or for having to come home sick so often with anxiety pain.

(um, having now written more of this post, I apparently have very intense feelings about this, so ... content warning for emotional abuse, ableism, and suicidal ideation)

Everyone being hard on me literally only made it worse and if even a token effort had been made to make school less upsetting for me instead of blaming me for being anxious and saying there was "no medical reason" for me to feel that fucking sick and in pain, so I must be faking it or being a wimp, maybe things would have turned out differently for me! It is not normal to be so sick and in so much pain people that think it might be appendicitis three fucking times! I was trying so hard and everyone told me I was a lying work-shy malingerer who refused to apply myself. I used to be so jealous when I'd hear about a distant cousin whose parents felt awful when they found out she wasn't faking being too tired to work and that she had a hole in her heart due to a congenital birth defect that made incredibly fatigued all the time, and they'd been getting angry with her and criticising her along similar lines to what people were telling me before she was diagnosed, when it "wasn't her fault." It wasn't my fault either! I used to fucking fantasise about being terminally ill, so I could die without directly killing myself, and so people would stop telling me there was "nothing wrong" with me and that "no one is sick all the time" (which, like, people with chronic illnesses and autoimmune conditions would like a word, lol).

People with psychosomatic pain are not faking it to get out of things! Psychosomatic does not mean that the pain isn't real! And feeling better if I was allowed to stay home doesn't mean that I was pretending to be sick to get out of going to school! Shockingly, when my acute anxiety was alleviated, I experienced less anxiety pain! But if it hadn't been I would have been in agony all day!

And like ... genuinely all that has changed is that this isn't a daily problem for me anymore. I still am treated like a naughty child when my mental illnesses flare up and I can't Meet My Commitments reliably. A friend once said to me, "Your family must be being very gentle with you right now" during a very severe depressive episode and it was like??? No??? Of course they aren't????? They are shouting at me every single day about how I am choosing to "opt out" of "living a normal adult life" and leeching off them. Like they always do when I get sick.

Whenever people are kind to me and don't treat me like a demanding lazy brat for being disabled, it's borderline triggering, because apparently it's that easy to be accomodating and to understand where I am coming from, and near strangers can show me more compassion than my entire immediate family do, and they can do it without even thinking twice about it.

If I was still in this much pain every day from anxiety they would never stop telling me it was my fault, and I would never ever get a reprieve from it, because they will never change.

#dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite

[schizoid-mary]

My Asexuality, Prt. 1

How do I define my asexuality? I would say it's pretty easy: if you look up the dictionary definition of asexuality (1. of course lol)- there you have it. I wasn't born asexual (more on that in a future post), however, whether or not I was is irrelevant to me because it is what I am (I either am or am not) and it's how I currently live and have lived my life for the better part of a decade. I don't experience sexual attraction towards anyone or anything (not even myself), I don't experience physical or mental sexual arousal at all (some asexuals do experience physical or mental arousal but it's not in relation to or in response to any outside stimuli or person and it's different from feeling "horny"), I don't have a sex drive (some asexuals do have a sex drive [sex begins and lives in the brain/mind] but they're repulsed by other people's bodies/their own bodies/performing physical sexual acts/etc.) and I don't even masturbate because it doesn't do anything for me (for some asexuals it does, and for a variety of reasons).

I consider myself a "sex-neutral" asexual (as opposed to being "sex-adverse/sex-repulsed" or "sex-positive"), meaning I simply don't care for it personally, it isn't a part of my personal make-up and it isn't a motivator for me like it is for non-asexuals. However, I'm not repulsed by depictions/expressions of sex or sexuality in art/media, nor am I repulsed by sex in real life or other people's sexuality; in fact, I'm all for other people doing whatever the fuck they like as long as it's consensual and it isn't psychologically/physically/emotionally damaging to others or themselves... just don't bother me about it. I can actually say that I have a healthy fascination with/curiosity about sex and human sexuality, but from scientific, anthropological, sociological and historic perspectives; I love reading about and watching documentaries on how the first sex toys were made, prostitution in ancient civilizations, mating rituals in pre-history and those sorts of topics.

In my younger years I actually had a lot of sex, a lot of different types of sex, and sex with a lot of different types of people. That's actually how I came to the realization that I'm asexual (I first started to suspect it in my late teens/early 20s and fully realized it when I was in my late 20s). I figured I shouldn't knock it til I tried it so I tried it all. I thought that maybe I hadn't found who/what I was truly attracted to/aroused by yet. I thought that maybe it was a product of my childhood sexual trauma (but more about that in the same, soon-to-come post in which I expound on not having been born asexual). I even had myself tested and/or evaluated for hormonal imbalances/defects/other medical and psychological issues. But after everything (and everyone) was done, I had that "lightbulb moment" that I was simply exercising that natural curiosity/fascination inside of me as an experiment, and that in conclusion, I myself was asexual (before learning more about asexuality I knew that it existed but I never considered that it could apply to me due to having experienced sexual feelings in the past- I thought that one had to be born that way for it to be valid or not be a phase).

Before very recently (before my diagnosis), I had zero awareness of SzPD or its symptoms. Since learning that asexuality is a symptom of SzPD (and since putting together the pieces that my asexuality developed parallel to the onset and development of my SzPD), it's raised questions for me about whether I would become a sexual person if I underwent therapy/treatment for SzPD, or whether my asexuality would stay with me. Neither outcome is joyful or upsetting to me since I don't place any positive or negative value on (most of) my personal characteristics/personality traits/qualities (aka SzPD symptoms lol) and I reserve the right to change at any point in time. To me, I just am what I am and it doesn't matter why, especially since I'm (mostly) comfortable and content with what I am at any given point in time and I ride my changes with ease.

#asexual #asexuality #Schizoid Personality Disorder #SzPD #journal #introspection #self reflection #schizoid #Cluster A Personality Disorders #personality disorder #mental health #mental illness #awareness #documentation

[ryawinters]

When I was a kid, I once tried to fake injuring my ankle because I didn’t feel like exercising in school that day. I normally had no problem with it so my teachers instantly believed me and were very concerned. Except, this was the first hour of the day, and they were worried about me having to “suffer” the entire day in that stupid ankle. They asked me to take off my shoes and socks so they could apply some spray and what not. 

I WAS MENTALLY FREAKING OUT. I didn’t expect that much concern. I was so sure they’d figure out there was no injury because I didn’t injure myself. In my panic I forgot that I told them that my right ankle hurt and instead pointed at my left one for the spray. 

And, well.

My ankle was actually swollen. Pretty badly. My shoes had actually been a size too small, so I did always have some feet pain, but this time they ended up acting as a brace for my ankle for the entire time I’d been there. Apparently when I was playing badminton the previous evening, I’d moved my foot the wrong way. I remember hearing a pop, I remember ignoring it, I remember not feeling any pain until then. The teachers didn’t notice me freaking out and they were all wondering why I even came to school, though I insisted on staying for the rest of the day. Not that there was anyone at home to take me back at that moment, and both my parents’ workplaces was also pretty far away. My class teacher, who apparently lived very close to my house, ended up taking me home with her at the end of the day, because I couldn’t climb the school bus. 

It happened more than a decade ago, and I still require regular ankle massages to keep the swelling down. I have binders for both my ankles because somewhere along the way, with the years of putting more pressure on my right ankle, it decided to become a replica of my left ankle. Years of orthopaedics have yielded no results other than the fact that I managed to trigger a birth defect. That my sprain healed, but there had always been an intrinsic defect in both my ankles. That they would have to do surgery, to break my ankle bones, because the whole reason I am suffering is that they didn’t break, which my family doesn’t agree with, as it is not an exactly a life saving thing. Plus, I can’t afford to take the time off from my studies required for this surgery.

Here’s the thing though. A thing I 100% would not recommend, because I have a very crippling FOMO and always have the habit of assuming everyone doesn’t actually like me and are just pretending to if I keep making a fuss of my issues. 

I try so hard to not let it stop me from doing things that everyone else does. I see people playing football, and I want to as well. And I will go join them. My school’s annual sports meet? I am going to participate. In the relay race, in the running race, because I used to be the fastest and now I am the second fastest in my house team. The annual sports meet was the worst, because it began with 10 laps around the football ground, followed by the races and a basketball tournament. All in the same day. I came home, I sat down. I couldn’t get up. I needed my mom and dad to half carry me to bed because I could not walk. My ankles were balloons. I didn’t go to school for a week. 

In my wish to be left out, I ignored my body’s pleas for help. For a damn long time. The week I couldn’t move was like a wake-up call. I quit my karate classes, I quit all my sports. I did ankle exercises regularly to strengthen my ankle (they don’t work but I do them anyway). I am still doing my best to stop crossing my ankles.

So, my point is, listen to your body. It knows what is going on. Better than you ever will. Your physical health is very very important, because you can’t do shit if you’re dead. Mental health is very very important, but bad physical health eventually leads to bad mental health too. Listen to your body. Look out for its cries for help. God knows, we ignore them quite often in our day to day lives, for various silly little things. We shouldn’t let our bodies feel as ignored as we have been. 

#health #please take care of yourselves #i know i know nobody #but please if you see this #listen to your bodies #listen to your pain #physical health is important #mental health is important #HEALTH is important #stay safe #stay healthy

[quirkwizard]

hello, i hope you're having a good day! this is kind of a complex idea i had for a creepy quirk and i was wondering if it could be feasible in the MHA universe. basically, the user's face and body is covered with long, thin scars that are stitched up with thread in a frankenstein-looking way. the user can pull out the medium/thin-thickness threads from their scars, and use them in a telekinetic way to control other people's movements against their will, kind of like a puppetmaster. (1/3)

the threads would kind of bind to the other person's body, and/or joints, and the user can move them with a combination of hand movements and mental commands. the drawback is that the scars that were previously sewn up would be extremely painful and slowly, continuously bleeding. the threads can also be cut by fire, freezing and snapping, and acid (pretty much anything except conventional methods of cutting string). when they're cut they do rejoin/regenerate automatically but the person previously under control is freed. (2/3)

the threads stitch themselves back up into the user's body, but this takes time and is painful (like having stitches with a blunt needle and without any pain meds). the wounds dont stop hurting/bleeding until done the user would likely be born with the scars that don't ever heal naturally, and the threads sewing them, but i'm not fully sure on this bit. how would this work? if at all. and apologies for the long asks and complex description. please feel free to suggest edits that would make it work

Don't worry about the length. I'd rather people give me more details to work off of then nothing.

I think that something like this could work, but with some work. Having a Quirk that could let the user control other people like this seems fine, but I think the biggest issue is how easy the Quirk is to use. Even ignoring the lack of defined speed, range, or number of people that can be controlled with Quirk, all it seems to require is that the user apply the strings, and it's basically game over. They can't do anything about it and the only way to get rid of them is through any non-physical attack, which requires other people around. You could say the amount of pain the user is in makes it hard to use, but I don't think there is a lot of sense in having constantly painful scars from the Quirk. Unless there's some birth defect involved, merely using your Quirk doesn't have such serious consequences. I would suggest changing the premise around some and adding more clarifications and drawbacks to the power. You can still have the stitched look, but you don't have to make it so tied into the Quirk's function. Drawbacks could be issues like how hard it is to activate the Quirk, issues with controlling people, or something related to how the user controls someone. One idea was that the fibers could be converted from the user's muscles, letting them seep into and control other muscles. This could have issues like giving the user feelings through their puppets, having the fibers strain and break like muscles, or making the user less mobile.

#My Hero Academia #Quirks #Quirk Reviews

[mychemicalnations]

Assigning a bunch of my characters Will Wood songs because my writing server enables my antics

This is going to be a long post, I apologize.

Not really

Blorbo Pandemic WIP

Baraphim Devorak - Misanthrapologist

You’re dangling a lantern Over the event horizon Thinking it’ll thank you For the light you’re sacrificing Bide time in orbit like a satellite Remind yourself The world don’t revolve ‘round you So don’t you revolve ‘round someone else

And, rock me Amadeus God don’t explain the way time and space made us Though with the wavelengths bending, it makes sense to me The only thing that’s meant to be is gravity And what comes up must go down

Sebastien Shadis - ¡Aikido! (Neurotic/Erotic)

Holding breath by graveyards, salt over my shoulder, I’m obsessed with you Rainbow-walking cave-heart never will be bolder, I’m obsessed with you Chickenscratch Rembrandts of your likeness, all this nonsense makes me think My insides cry “try thy finest” - why, then, am I at my brink?

Sebastien Vlastomil - ...And If I Did, You Deserved It

I want no less than the best but the best I can do Is do the worst thing first and leave the rest up to you I'm realistic Everyone's a critic If I keep beating myself up I'll keep on winning the fight And get my ass kicked I'm poisonous, not toxic I'll admit when I'm wrong but only to be right And if it fits in the song I'll rhyme that with contrived Don't meet your idols Hey, fuck you, I'm your idol But the only label that I'll sign is in the DSM5 'Cause my flaws are sorta on the pathological side Don't call me eccentric, call me mentally sick Cause I ain't sold enough tickets yet to be rich and that's the only difference

No Ethics Here (rp with @deadlier-than-i-look )

Vivienne Rose - Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

We’re only tuning to the tone of the bell curve now Ask not for whom it tolls But with my head up in the clouds, I can see so much ground And from up here you look like ants in a row It doesn’t take a killer to murder It only takes a reason to kill We’ve all got evidence of innocence, it’s "everything’s coincidence" The difference twixt fate and free will Is whether you’re singing

Silas Foster - Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer's Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to The Fusiform Gyrus)

Damn, I thought you’re not your imposter You’re so sure you’re not gonna get caught Dead in your own skin But you didn’t choose what you were born in And another man in your repertoire Ready in your head and fed upon your memoirs Still the same rules apply From the birthday to the mourning What you feel and what you do Are those things really you? And if not, then what is? (Never never never) So, my God, what’s wrong with you? And I’m still asking who that is Never, never, never Never, never, never Never, never, never No, never!

Genshin OCs

Aleks Rogov - BlackBoxWarrior - OKUltra

A bloody knife to split your infrastructure, wine to rev your motor function Coital machinations of the dead Well you mainline your animus, karate chop your abacus And learn to be an animal instead But I never did think you better than this, your modus operandi Causes Nazi/Skoptzyism and suicide Why to thine own self be true when it is you who are the problem Not the things you do but something sick inside Lithium and Dialectics, boy you really is defective CBT don’t seem effective for that Cluster B, accept it Offer up your innocence, please ignore the side effects You’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine

Fortune Bringer (Jiayi) - Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY

Lumps in throats and petticoats Your baby teeth would pray for you A selfish book is always open And some of the best liars only want the truth All love starts as a scheme So, wake me up, I’m tired of sleeping They say that beauty’s just skin deep So obviously, please show me your Bones, bones, bones Let me see your bones Well, I don’t wanna know if the feeling follows home Bones, bones, bones Hell, we’re all alone If I come home, baby, will you show your bones?

Kalevi Maarinen - Love, Me Normally

If I could live in third person, well, I don’t think life would be much worse than it is In the current tense, presently, this sentence ending in question marks or dot, dot, dot Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious? It may just be a cold, and besides I don’t wanna get old, yeah I drank myself to death to be the afterlife of the party When the afterparty came, I was rolling in my grave

D&D/Pathfinder

Yesanith Olorona - Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave

Who makes the call? What’s a symptom, what’s a flaw, can it be both? Well I suppose that’s an answer Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity? 'Cause God knows it’s not like it’s cancer And good news to the purists: they’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive It’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure But very few patients survive And a little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself So how many milligrams of you are still left in there? 'Cause back in my day we didn’t need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists No, we just bled out in our baths And god damn it, we liked it

Amrynn Yethana - RED MOON

Red, red moon, keep on rising The sunset soon indeed will bleed in my horizon The crescent rests, tethered to the west Waxing to the rhythm writhing in my chest That crack between the watercolor sky and sea is the Corner where you’re born in the mist I might deride the tide, 'cause I'm pulled as it pools around my feet Towards your stolen light, while I'm held in your slight gravity Well, I walk the equator, chasing the light; little do I know it orbits close behind I might remember or might assume, but I only turn around every once In a red, red moon I said I only turn around every once in a red, red, moon

Aranyth Inamaris - (Cover This Song) A Little Bit Mine

I never thought, and if I did, I forgot while blacked out in-love That’s what’s only starting would come to an end But now I’m hungover and hung out to dry, and I’m giving it time Does not knowing the truth turn my words into lies? What can I say to convince you or do to make you agree with me? I don’t need you to be with me, just try to remember what you’d see in me I’m just a little bit crazy about you Just a little bit out of my mind Just a little insane without you Please come back and be just a little bit mine Just a little bit mine

Tarron Olaric - When Somebody Needs You [Song]

So we come and we go, we know and are known There's too many people to trust Well, it seems to me what we want and we need are the same And that's someone who'll worry about us 'Til death do us part, please keep breaking my heart 'Til it ceases to beat, please be mine Well it seems that that's what it means When somebody Ohh So if love conquers all, then all else must have failed I mean, who wants to fall, can't we just take the stairs? Well it seems that that's what it means When somebody needs you It seems that that's what it means When somebody needs you

Other

Eila Saarinen - Yes, To Err is Human, So Don't Be One. (Song)

I could drink your blood if you let me, baby Hang from your rafters, patchwork and paisley I could suck you dry on the rocks with a twist But just like a vampire, I don't exist Walkie-talkie static, white noise telepath Can you read between the Morse code lines? Dead from the neck up, but living just enough To beg you, "pretty boy, please, let me die" Well, I could drink your blood if you let me, baby Drain you of your love until you hate me

If you've read this far, blame @zonnemaagd <3

#my characters #will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #|| Baraphim Devorak || #|| Sebastien Shadis || #||Sebastien Vlastomil || #|| Vivienne Rose || #|| Silas Foster || #|| Aleks Rogov || #|| Fortune Bringer; Jiayi || #|| Kalevi Maarinen || #|| Yesanith Olorona || #|| Amrynn Yethana || #|| Aranyth Inamaris || #|| Tarron Olaric || #|| Eila Saarinen ||

[anxiousprocrastinator]

TEENAGE DREAMS TO BODY DYSMORPHIA PIPELINE: BEAUTY FILTERS

Beauty filters are automated photo editing technologies that employ artificial intelligence and computer vision to detect and modify facial traits (Ryan-Mosley 2021). They have grown in popularity since 2016, when social networking applications such as Snapchat and Instagram began offering AR filters.

The monster on your phone

At first, it was just over-the-top filters that were clearly for fun and games, but as time passed and users' ability to create filters increased, this invention began to go off the rails with filters that were more subtle, such as applying makeup to your face and making a slight change to your shape. These filters fit society's beauty ideals, which teens, who make up the majority of users on many of these photo sharing networks, want to embrace. These adjustments made them more confident in posting photos on the Internet, but the damage was more than predicted. This leads to the cycle of teenagers who exit their apps and look themselves in the mirror, feeling incomplete without altering their details or bodies, leading to body dysmorphia.

 This is a mental health problem in which a person spends a significant amount of time worrying about defects in their looks (NHS 2020). Others frequently fail to see these faults. But they see it as their personal demon.

The monster in your head

I also caught it during some of the most significant years of my adolescence while under lockdown. No one had the opportunity to see me back then, so I chose to use filters to change my appearance to one that was more well-kept. I was happy looking at those photographs, but when I got offline, it caused intense negative feelings about my perspective and anxiety when I finally had to mingle after COVID. These symptoms are prevalent among others who have had the same experience as myself. More extreme situations may lead to eating disorders, depression, and the desire to undergo cosmetic surgery (Alsaidan et al. 2020).

This sparks a heated debate on how to prevent individuals, particularly impressionable teens, from acquiring the unhealthy habit of overusing beauty filters. It is critical to be aware of how heavily we rely on filters and to prioritise self-acceptance and love. Seeking expert therapy, as well as support from loved ones, can help you overcome bad feelings and unhealthy appearance behaviours.

Reaching out

It's vital to remember that social media frequently displays an unattainable ideal of beauty, and it's acceptable not to constantly look flawless. Seeking assistance from friends, family, or a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and gain confidence. Remember that true beauty comes from within, and embracing your unique characteristics is what is truly important. Practicing mindfulness, engaging in enjoyable hobbies, and surrounding oneself with positive influences can all help enhance our mental health.

REFERENCE LIST

1, Ryan-Mosley, T 2021, ‘Beauty Filters Are Changing the Way Young Girls See Themselves’, MIT Technology Review, viewed <https://www.technologyreview.com/2021/04/02/1021635/beauty-filters-young-girls-augmented-reality-social-media/>.

2, NHS 2020, ‘Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)’, nhs.uk, viewed <https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/>.

3, Alsaidan, MS, Altayar, NS, Alshmmari, SH, Alshammari, MM, Alqahtani, FT & Mohajer, KA 2020, ‘The prevalence and determinants of body dysmorphic disorder among young social media users: A cross-sectional study’, Dermatology Reports, vol. 12, no. 3, viewed <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7772767/>.

#mda20009 #week 8

[rhaenyras]

Lately, I’ve been going through some deep soul-searching about money and class. I’m a mixed-race East and South Asian person (Chinese father and Pakistani mother), and I grew up in a family that is descended from an indentured worker background. Growing up, we were always struggling financially. I got involved in social movements both because of my class background and my queerness (my racial consciousness came later on). My parents had a “model minority” mentality, always encouraging me to pursue education, make money and get ahead, but I always pushed back against this capitalist mindset. I did end up going to law school, but always worked in non-profit advocacy positions, mostly for migrant workers. 

Long story short, I did that for a bunch of years, as well as volunteer activism on the side. I got burned out. I know I did some good work that helped people, but for every success it seemed like there were a bunch more failures. And there was so much conflict and infighting in the activism and advocacy world. Eventually I just couldn’t take it anymore, it was ruining my mental health and my relationship with my partner, so I quit. I took a bunch of time off, and then I had to work again to pay the bills. When I returned to work, I took a government job, and I make way more money than I ever thought I would. I have benefits and a work-life balance but the work is in opposition to my politics. At best, it’s meaningless bureaucracy, and at worst, the work we do might actually be harmful to marginalized communities. I try to use my position to minimize the harm, but you know how these things are. It’s all a giant machine, and I’m a part of it. 

I think about going back to advocacy work all the time, but I actually just can’t stomach it. I get anxious just thinking about it. And the truth is, I like having more money and stability. Everything was a struggle before, and now it’s easier. I can take care of myself and my partner now, and I don’t want to give that up. I feel awful saying it, but it’s true. I can’t really talk about this with my activist friends, because I know they wouldn’t understand, and when I talk about it with my non-activist friends, they basically just tell me I have to look out for number one, which isn’t helpful. Am I an awful person ? Have I sold my soul ? What can I do to live according to my values, but to also have a sustainable work-life balance ?

i also work in administration. specifically i make passports for italian citizens that can use those to freely travel the world and cross international borders as privileged eu citizens. of course I don't believe in all that. I don't believe borders should exist in the first place and i dont like the fact that sometimes i have to deny help to people who don't qualify for our services as extra-eu citizens. but what can i do? quit the best most stimulating job I've ever landed and that has helped me to start a new life in a brand new country? i know im just another brick in the wall and that it's not my fault if the system is faulted at the root and leaves someone behind. if anything, i try to work with the grey areas and have many times undertaken unauthorized actions that my superiors didn't agree with when i issued certificates that extra-eu citizens could use to apply for a visa or long term residence permit here in germany. we can work with whatever freedom of movement we're allotted in our respective positions without necessarily losing those positions. in fact, it's better if people like us hold these positions, lest they go to racist homophobic sexist assholes. if anything we can still offer some word of advice (we're still privileged compared to them but at least we emphatise and understand the problem) or try to pull some levers and see what we can do to at least mend the structural defect. aaand. activism can be something you do for free, online or irl, without the prospect of a financial reward. it's sad but, most times activism is just volunteering and you can't make a living out of that. im not ashamed to say that most of my activism is now online and that it takes up most of my free time. i understand if you wanna feel like you do something more permanent and worthwhile with your time by physically being out there and helping people but there's only so much time and energy one can count on in a day. it's frustrating but it's true and we have to compromise. your desire to be ubiquitous is admirable but simply unfeasible. besides, online activism is on the rise and I've noticed that the english speaking side of most social media could definitely use some activists for a variety of social battles. if i were you, i would look into that

#i hope that helped in some minor way #im sorry but it's true tho #i know so many coherent and educated italian speaking poc activists #and i mean social media activists #but I can't say the same about the english speaking ones #if you ever decide to try online activism.... send me your username #I'll be glad to follow!!!! #ask #anon #anonymous

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Six Months - 14 April 2023, 9:38pm

I don't want to be a male anymore.

That was the thought that started it all.

That was the very first thought I had when I rose from my (admittedly decrepit) bed, which has been around longer than I have.

It couldn't be that bad, right?

Right?

If that was the case, why was I panting, like I've just realized something for the first time?

To be honest, I think that it only came into view now, the same way an object does, as a photographer focuses their camera's optics on a subject.

After all, there was a question which preceded that. A question, which started it all, actually, even if I didn't know it. From whence it came, I don't know, but I would hazard a guess and say that it came from my noticing that I was... different from the other boys. But that is for later.

For now, let's focus on the question which started it all.

...

What if I was a femboy?

No, [DEADNAME], you're not.

Class was about to start; the minute hand ticked by slowly, and in the transitory period, as students and teachers packed their belongings, that string of words left my maw, making their way into the ear canals of my (then) classmate.

It was a simpler time, over eighteen hundred days ago. Yes, I know that this was out of our one-hundred-and-eighty day timeline, but it still counts, okay? That was the first time when I thought of myself being... deviant.

Deviant. Is that the word for what I am?

It's not as... taboo, as a phrase, like freak of nature, would invoke. It's not as... conforming, as different would be.

I am deviant.

It almost synonymizes itself with being defective.

Almost.

Yet, I knew I wasn't defective. I was a boy. I liked boy things. I liked girls. How could I be anything but? Maybe I was a weird boy, but, I was a boy.

...

That'll be twenty bucks.

My partner held in her hand, two sticks of lipstick, as she faced the cashier. I don't know what expression graced the cashier's face, as she took the two sticks of lipstick from my partner's hand. We walked away, the store forgotten in my ephemeral euphoric haze, as she passed me my stick.

"I can't wait to put this on you," I said.

That evening, I sat in the faux garden of my partner's place of residence, under a veranda, and traced out my partner's lips with her stick of lipstick. She did the same to me, wondering how I managed to do hers so well. I half-joked with her, telling her about how I had a stick applied on me when I was younger, half an hour before I performed in the orchestra, and that I probably still remembered how to put it on.

She laughed it off, though... the sorrow in her eyes betrayed her laughter - a boy could do stereotypically feminine things better than she could.

That moment of silence passed, and she took a few pictures of us.

Yet, as I saw my reflection, I looked at how much fuller my partner's lips were compared to mine.

I felt, again, like a man in a dress - a mere caricature of what being a woman was.

I couldn't do it.

That stick sits in my drawer. It has never been used since.

Every time I tried to touch femininity, I felt like I was chasing something. Something that wasn't me, but yet, in some inexplicable way, was me.

I am deviant, and I hate myself for it.

...

I'm sorry.

It's something I whisper to myself, even now, as I carry a small part of her in my right chest. It's a poetic way of describing it, honestly. A bud. A seed, that hopefully, ripens in time. I push at it. Even though the patch has been off for three days, it's... still struggling to grow.

What a hungry girl she is. (gosh it feels so right...)

He doesn't feel right (not entirely, at least), she doesn't feel deserved. It doesn't feel earned, the same way others went through trials of mental and physical fortitude to earn their names and their identities.

They describes me - an individual, who, after throwing away her masculinity, found herself being marooned on the islands of her cognition, as a sea of infinite wisdom spreads out far and wide, beyond the horizon. There is but one problem, though.

There is no boat. No map. Just me, the island, and the few drifting bottles that I find and respond to.

...

Now that you've bothered to read this far, I suppose I will reward you with some summary of what I've garnered from looking down this path for six months, walking it for a week, and abandoning it.

I have a sixteenth of a mind to disappear for two years, and come back as a girl.

I have half a mind to drink my sorrows away (though I won't).

I have a quarter of a mind to ignore what I am going through.

I have another sixteenth of a mind to just transition anyway and say a massive fuck you to the military and the people around me, though I know that isn't happening.

I have an eighth of a mind to just cry about everything.

If this was a world without scrutiny, where people were allowed to be what they wanted or needed to be, or if I was the last person on this god-forsaken planet, I would have done this a long time ago (chugged E and P as if it was nobody's business).

We do not live in a utopia, nor am I the only person in existence (though solipsism might say so).

...

it almost seems like my soul wouldn't care so much about which body it was born in, just that it seems to prefer a female body.

I would like to amend that statement.

it almost seems like my soul wouldn't care so much about which body it was born in, just that it seems to strongly prefer a female body.

No, I am not doing this because I want to get fucked by other people. I am not doing this because I find women to be prettier than men, or because I want to be the object of my desire.

I am doing this because the social constructs around me are causing me to act in a way which makes me... not feel like me. I merely want to be me, or closer to myself.

Social constructs might not be universal laws, but the people upholding these constructs might as well make them universal laws.

...

I am tired. Exhausted. Maybe it's from the screen time, or maybe it's from the C19H28O2 taking over my body again.

...

I don't know. I don't know what to do next.

...

I figured that since I've been inactive for so long, you people deserve something from my personal collection, so, here is a piano interlude I wrote five years back, when I was still starting out with writing music. If only I could get that passion back.

[afabkaidou]

Introducing: ME!!!

Welcome to my main blog, my name is Reid

Pronouns:

It/Its/Its/Itself

Ki/Kiwi/Kiwi's/Kiwiself

Hon/Honey/Honey's/Honeyself

Mang/Mango/Mango's/Mangoself

+More Neos

Español: "Ella" o "El"

Русский: "Она" или "Он"

Limited Interactions, not a fully enforced DNI; unless stated otherwise:

Those who fake NDs/Mental Disorders/Defects

DNI Boobers & DreamTeam Mains/Stans/Fans

DNI BeeDuo Mains/Stans/Fans

ProShip/ComShip who ship taboo ships, I'm cool w/ non-taboo proshippers/profics, you can always send an Ask/DM for clarification :3

By Taboo I mean (non-canon) incest, (non-canon) minor/adult, and zoophilla/beastiality

Canon Incest/Pedophilla is... also bad but what can I do to change that? Nothing, so whatever ig. I hate zoophillic content no matter what

for profic, same boundaries apply

(I consider myself as proship as I don't care what ppl ship bc I filter what I don't like, and I don't go harassing people for ships. I enjoy dissecting complicated/toxic pairings but i don't always ship them.)

DNI Honeytwt PR team

Please Interact If:

You don't fit within the DNI

Ranboo Dislikers

Ranboo themself

Cool Honeytwt

Tag System:

#🍡 is my posting tag that isn't fandom related, feel free to filter it out!

#🎲 reblogs!

#💌 my answered asks!

#🔎 anon asks! Any off anon will be of the person's blog user (ex: #afabkaidou #💌)

#// vent is my venting tag, filter it out!

I tag triggers as # // [TW]I don't trigger small things such as rocks, hearts or anything like that, I tag what I know can trigger a strong or potentially harmful emotional response, NOT discomfort.Please send an ask or DM if I missed a TW tag (I still use standard tumblr tagging ex: #blood tw)

I tend to misuse tone tags so please look in the tags for #misuse of tone if I do use a tone tag so you may double check

#Ik I said I wanna gonna pretty-fy my pinned but it's annoying rn for gifs so imma fix that but here's the replica lmao #Pinned post

[furiouslovergiver]

Breaking Into the Christian Fiction Market

As the Christian market keeps on detonating in size, distributers actually find it hard to find new ability. One reason for this is numerous confident scholars accept the Christian market is simpler to break into than the standard market. Nothing could be further from reality. Assuming you are trying to compose for the Christian market, not exclusively should you compose grasping, convincing exposition that keeps a peruser turning pages, you likewise should compose inside the boundaries of the Christian Book retailers Affiliation. Certain principles and directs apply. Christian perusers need similar topic as non-Christian perusers, just without a barrage of sick language, unnecessary brutality, and grown-up circumstances.

A Christian mother would rather not bring a book into her home that would create an off-kilter circumstance should her kid open it up. Writing to suit a specific market is easy when you comprehend the mentality of individuals purchasing these books. Ask yourself what you like to peruse. Marketing near me Could the book interest your mom or closest companion? In the event that your personality or circumstance would irritate a peruser of uplifting fiction, you can expect it will likewise outrage a CBA distributer.

This shouldn't imply that Christian distributers are not inspired by previously untouchable subjects like spousal maltreatment, separation, early termination, and elective ways of life. What the Christian distributer needs is a Christian outline on how these points are tended to. Distributers are getting more sagacious consistently in giving what the Christian perusing public needs to peruse. Anticipation, spine chillers, science fiction, cheeky champions, and defective legends are hugely well known. This doesn't express anything of sentiment, which is the main dealer no matter how you look at it. In the event that you can compose a contemporary sentiment that supports virtuousness and immaculateness in a credible manner, your fight is almost won.

As an essayist for the Christian market, almost any subject is available to you. It is the way you handle the subject that is important. Are your characters genuine? Might your peruser at any point relate to them and their concerns? Could the peruser handle what is happening the same way, or might they to some extent at any point feel for the person's decisions? In the event that your personality acts in an untrustworthy way, no matter what the conditions, the peruser won't recognize, accordingly isn't probably going to complete your book. In addition to the fact that that is the last thing you need as an essayist, commonly you have lost that peruser for any future work you produce. At the point when you irritate the perusers you are attempting hardest to reach, you have dug yourself into a pit you might in all likelihood never move out of. It is a fundamental part in Christian fiction that your characters learn something through the course of the book.

Not every person should be brought back to life inside your pages, however they probably had a revelation or the like, a developing encounter. In my book Floods of Leniency, the champion expected to see whether her dad was liable for the vanishing and conceivable homicide of a former sweetheart. Jamie, the seventeen-year-old courageous woman had a lot of motivations to think him. To continue on with her personal business, she expected to excuse her father for the spoiled way he treated her mother. In standard fiction, Jamie might have gotten payback on her dad or figured out how to acknowledge the way that a relationship with him could never be conceivable. Not so in Christian fiction. Christianity depends on affection and pardoning.

Jamie expected to excuse her dad, regardless of whether he at any point conceded any bad behavior. At long last, and I must underline this as much as possible, don't teach your crowd. Perusers of Christian writing need to be engaged, instructed, and roused as much as some other peruser. In any case, nobody values having an essayist's ways of thinking and regulations slammed down their throat. Addresses are not a viable method for contacting hearts and evolving lives. Stories are.

Proof of Beauty, Teresa Slack’s third book in her honor winning Jenna’s Stream series is expected for discharge in June, 2007. She cherishes addressing hopeful journalists and empowering them to sharpen their specialty to hang out in a profoundly serious field.

[finsterhund]

This planet isn't fucking fair

So after a week where I keep getting my chronic disability ignored and dismissed to my detriment I'm just not doing too good.

I really get the impression that because of the fact that I *can* force myself to do things that it's just expected of me. Like, small example, ideally I shouldn't be the one running back into the house from the car to fetch forgotten things considering my back, and now my ankle, and so on and so forth. My roommate could do it faster, more efficiently, and with less pain, but it's so often up to me.

All my life has been a series of that sort of shit. My mom and her "little Andy will die of pneumonia because of his shit heart and cringefail lungs" but letting a defect in my spine go unnoticed/treated because "if it were really that bad you'd cry more" sorta shit. (Still fucked up my roommate did the exact same thing when I broke my ankle by the way. "You couldn't be standing, you'd be screaming with pain if it was really broken " maybe if I was FUCKING WEAK perhaps)

My advice for this is that if you are disabled, take all the help and support you can get and make a huge fucking fuss about it. Don't let anyone dismiss your feelings and fuck able-bodied people feeling uncomfortable about you just existing as someone with a disability. We're made to want to appear invisible and not burdens all the time so it's hard to do that but it's worth it I promise.

Positives are that I went to the new pharmacy and they gave me all my drugs* and there weren't any weird new fees. There were a few issues but yeah Mr sick boy over here and his cringe health. That's to be expected. It was mostly just paperwork shit. Except they didn't have my night terror meds. But I'm back on my normal pills(yeah I know it's a dated meme chill out) and my hormone imbalance juice™️. Which I should feel better about but there's this phenomenon where certain mental health drugs will not work at first at stabilizing you but will give you more fight and energy (which is why there's that suicide disclaimer/warning thing some antidepressants have because your motivation to do things kicks in sooner than the effect of the drug to make you not want to die) so I've got that going on atm. My antipsychotics actually look different than they did at my old pharmacy. They're visibly different so you can tell the 10mg and the 20mg ones apart which means I can put them in the same container for convenience.

I applied for an overdraft bank thing so they won't charge me 50 dollars every time a payment gets declined. Instead I will have an overdraft I can dip into and if I don't use it I don't have to pay anything and every time I use it it only costs 5 dollars. Ultimately I will be saving money because that generally means each month I'll only ever pay that $5 extra and not the NSF return fee. Surprised I got it considering I'm on disability but relieved.

Not to reveal personal info but I found out one of my best friends now also has a chronic illness and it's just unfair. He of all people didn't deserve this and him potentially having to take some of the exact same drugs Cazza did is traumatizing.

Keep him in your thoughts.

I know "nobody who gets these things deserves them" is like, basic fucking knowledge. But I still reel at the injustice of it all. Maybe it's still that residual after effect of being raised under the instruction that some all powerful dude made the world the way it is and now I have permanent brain worms about fate. That was another thing. The way xtianity tends to talk about disability. Made me hate god and that rage doesn't go away when you stop believing, you know? It has to go somewhere if not therapy.

I got another Cazza collar thanks to my overdraft thing (already abusing the new power I possess. But don't worry I'm only doing it for the Cazza collar) and am planning to mount Cazza's actual collar with tag into like, a frame or something. If you Google dog collar memorial shadow box you'll see what I have in mind.

With my health being more stable with my medicine and the temperature finally becoming livable I'm hoping to try and do things again. In between the moments I think about Cazza. It seems like the universe has just moved on without me and I can't find a place to fit back in.

Scott is acclimatizing well to being home. He continues to slowly grow on me. I was crying today and he gave me kisses almost like Cazza used to do. He's more cuddly than she is but I'm clearly not ready for that yet.

One of these days when I am stronger I want to go back into my closet and rearrange things. I just need to make sure it won't hurt me because so much if Cazza's things I put in there.

I'm at that point where the little details about her are fading so I'm no longer hiding photos of her, even though they hurt me to look at. My roommate said I can use his printer so I am going to use his printer.

If something noteworthy happens I will try to update again.

*edit before posting*

well funny I should mention that my antipsychotics give me a brief period where I have energy and fight but the calming effects don’t kick in yet. Because before I was ready to post this I flew into a violent manic crusade against a shitty online marketplace webside called Mercari because someone was selling the very last cazza collar I needed (the small size) and it turns out there was plentiful listings of the cazza collar on that site. 

But Mercari is a really shitty site that tries everything in its power to stop canadians from using it. Being able to ship to my friend’s address in the states means absolutely nothing. They won’t let you make an account, they won’t accept paypal accounts “registered outside of the US” they specifically go out of their way to make it impossible for VPN users to use the site and make it impossible to log in without javascript enabled. 

They’re broken, shady, and disgusting of a website. Incompetent in literally every way except of course for keeping Canadians out. I fought and fought and fought tooth and nail. I managed to make an account and log into the account but could not buy the cazza collar because they blocked my paypal for not being made in the US. So stupid. But thanks to some ambiguously legal handiwork involving the android app I managed to sneak on just good enough that I sent a message to the seller including my email address to contact me. Which the site deleted!

 But I managed to actually get into contact with the seller so I am really truly hoping this will go through. I think they partially banned me from the site as I am able to contact the seller on the app but cannot change my profile on the app which I can do on google chrome for android. So maybe I’m lucky and the “other person interested in the collar” is actually me and somehow I’ve been split in two.

I am incapable of relaxing tonight because well, I waged a cyber war against this shitty website. In the future I will try to just ask my american friends at a reasonable time to buy things for me. Which sucks because I can’t make my own account or use my own paypal at all or even really do it myself. A friend in america has to do it. There is literally no reason for it to be that way. It is so stupid.

Mercari needs to join Amazon and die in a fire.

If teleportation were possible I would absolutely have achieved it tonight. I am so frazzled and stressed. It distracts me from how much grief I’ve been experiencing though I guess so maybe it’s a small positive.

#text post #negative #long post

[lanalikesnobanana]

Gillian Anderson in All About Eve (2019)

#Gillian Anderson #All About Eve #Monica Dolan #Rhashan Stone #Sheila Reid #i havent seen that scene giffed before #and like #mental defectives applies to me so I feel this

[grewlikefancyflowers]

‘Intrusion’ extra, what it says about Jiang Cheng’s role in MDZS, and how Wei Wuxian looks back on his past with the Jiangs

I said back in like June that I’d write meta on this and then put it off for a few months, oops! Here we are, finally!

First things first, both the ‘Intrusion’ and ‘Iron Hook’ extras are not just silly romps featuring married wangxian and fanservice, as some people seem to believe?? I’d say both of them clear up pretty neatly, for those that are still confused, points of contention in the fandom - such as Wei Wuxian’s heroism, and Jiang Cheng’s role as an antagonist. Specifically, if his actions were justified or sympathetic, and if he was punished unfairly by the narrative.

The first and most obvious statement made in ‘Intrusion’ is the parallel between the story of Young Master Qin (YMQ), and JC and WWX’s youths. I’ll summarise quickly the relationship between YMQ and the fierce corpse that has been bothering him.

They grew up together in YMQ’s grandmother’s house, since they were a similar age they played together

The fierce corpse (FC) was a servant in YMQ’s grandmother’s household

The grandmother took a liking to FC, and he was in some ways treated less like a servant, and more like a member of their clan, and was allowed to attend school with the other boys

YMQ specifically notes that his grandmother used to praise FC a lot

YMQ describes a story at the school in which someone answered a question, and FC incorrectly claimed he answered wrongly. When FC pushed the matter, the other students became annoyed and drove him out of the class

It is very heavily implied (to the point where ‘implied’ isn’t really the right word) that ‘someone’ was YMQ, that he had actually answered the question wrongly, and that he felt shown up by someone he felt should be below him proving so, and that he led the other boys in driving FC away

FC left the school and didn’t attend again

I probably don’t need to lay out where the similarities are…?

In response to YMQ’s story, Wei Wuxian (rhetorically) says this - ‘“Regarding the solution to that problem, in the end, who was right and who was wrong?”’

Aside from just exposing the kind of person YMQ is, in reference to a story wherein ‘FC’ is clearly a stand in for WWX, and YMQ for JC, MXTX’s decision to highlight specifically that it was FC that had the right solution to the problem is not insignificant. Nor how she specifies that he was the instigator of FC’s expulsion, while hiding behind the mob mentality of the other students.

Another interesting detail is that YMQ deliberately obscures the truth throughout the chapter, because despite his refusal to acknowledge it, possibly even to himself, he knows that between him and FC he is the one in the wrong. Similarly, JC obscures the truth about WWX, to the wider cultivation world during the period of WWX’s ‘downfall,’ (Ch.73) but also, more importantly, to JL after WWX’s death. JL believes that WWX ordered WN to kill both JZX and JYL (Ch.42). Of course, if JC did not have a guilty conscience, he would not feel it necessary to lie about these things. Or rather, convince himself that they are true, as he still blames WWX for the deaths of his parents’ and JYL and the end of the story (Ch.102).

YMQ’s attitude about servants is bad enough that it upsets Sizhui quite a lot, and shortly after their interaction with him, we have this exchange between LSZ and Wangxian.

‘Lan SiZhui thought about it, “I do not know either.” He responded with honesty, “He never did anything truly evil, but perhaps I find it difficult to deal with people of such character. I do not particularly like the tone with which he mentioned the word ‘servant’…”

He paused at this point. Wei WuXian was oblivious to it, “Typical, typical. Most of the people in this world looks down upon servants. Servants sometimes even look down upon themselves… Why are you two looking at me like that?”

Halfway through, he interrupted, not knowing whether to laugh or frown, “Stop—is there a misunderstanding here? How could I compare? Lotus Pier isn’t the usual household, after all. I’ve beaten Jiang Cheng up way more times than he’s ever beaten me!”

Lan WangJi didn’t say anything, but instead gave him a silent hug. Wei WuXian couldn’t help but smiled. He hugged back, stroking Lan WangJi’s back a couple of times. Lan SiZhui coughed. Seeing how confident Wei WuXian looked, not at all sensitive to the word ‘servant’, he was finally at ease.’

There’s a lot going on here...

Firstly, WWX definitely does not think badly of himself because his father was a servant, because WWX doesn’t think badly of servants. It is also true that Lotus Pier wasn’t so strict with hierarchy as other sects (Ch.51, Ch.71), and that WWX and JC sometimes playfully fought on equal terms in their youths. But WWX was also very clearly treated badly in the Jiang household due to his status, notably by YZY (Ch.51, Ch.56, Ch.57, Lotus Seed Pod extra), JC does also repeatedly enact real physical violence against WWX, that he simply brushes off (Ch.56, Ch.59). You could argue that the example from Ch.59 is under extenuating circumstances and therefore should not count, but the same excuse cannot apply to Ch.56.

Knowing this, Lan Wangji’s response to this, to hug WWX, does not feel casual at all. Instead it comes across as if he is offering comfort, which WWX accepts.

Finally, this exchange finishes with ‘Seeing how confident Wei WuXian looked, not at all sensitive to the word ‘servant’, he [LSZ] was finally at ease.’ To me, this seems to suggest that the entire purpose of this was not at all reader directed exposition about how good and equal the Jiang household was, but rather a WWX-typical veneer meant to appease LSZ’s concerns (taking a moment to quietly fangirl about how good MXTX is at ‘show, don’t tell’). Also suggests that WWX is aware on some level that he was treated badly, and LWJ is too - presumably, it is something that they have spoken about.

Continuing with the story of YMQ and FC…

YMQ returns to his home village as an adult wearing a jade pendant that belonged to his now deceased grandmother

FC asks to borrow it, YMQ allows it, thinking FC is missing his grandmother

FC returns telling him he has lost the pendant, YMQ thinks he has actually sold it, and has him beaten, it is very heavily implied that he breaks his leg

In the present, YMQ admits that he doesn’t actually think FC would have gone so far as to sell something of his grandmother’s

This is reflective of JC’s attitude towards WWX throughout his life, with regards to how he frequently comes to the worst conclusions about him, without having any real evidence, and lashes out at him for it. I spoke about this a bit before here. Most notable example is probably during their conversation in the demon-slaughtering cave wherein they discuss WWX’s defection, and JC decides that WWX is acting carelessly and playing the hero, though admits himself that WWX is following the Jiang Sect’s teachings, then declares WWX an enemy of the cultivation world behind his back.

The ambiguity of FC’s death, and YMQ’s role in it discussed in part 3 of the extra is referencing WWX’s own death, and JC’s role in it. In the end the conclusion is that whether or not YMQ was responsible, FC did not hold him to it.

In the end, FC is content to simply throw some fruit, and punch YMQ in the face in vengeance for his death, and even goes out of his way to avoid hurting LSZ when he is fighting him. He returns the jade pendant, that he really did lose and not steal, and goes back to resting peacefully.

WWX, LWJ, and LSZ’s views on YMQ’s fate are as follows

‘Lan WangJi gently tugged Lil’ Apple’s rein, his voice calm, “He was fortunate.”

Wei WuXian agreed, “Indeed. Young Master Qin has got quite the luck.”

After some time, Lan SiZhui finally couldn’t hold his words back any longer. Sincerely, he spoke, “But I still feel that only one punch might be a bit insufficient…”’

JC didn’t even get a punch to the face. I’d say he got off very lightly indeed.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #jiang cheng #jc wank #wei wuxian

[tempenensis]

Hi! Regarding this ask: do you think Toji really forgot Megumi or could it be him masking his own vulnerable side? To me, it seems like Toji always cared for Megumi. In his fight with Gojo he talks about him in, what seems, hope that Gojo would do something to help the little boy in the situation with the Zenin clan. Before dying his only thought was regarding Megumi and his mom, the woman he loved but lost. Sometimes I feel conflicted towards him. Was he a bad father, even if we understand his reasons, or was he the best father he could, despite his reasons? Was he so mentally unstable and shaken to his core to the point of not caring about his son or was it easier to pretend he didn't so he didn't have to deal with the parts of him that felt defected because of his past? Do you have any thoughts on Toji? I would love to hear them :]

Hi there!

Okay this is going to be long, please bear with me. To be frank Touji is one of the characters that I found a bit... uh, all over the place. He is a bit unhinged, but he also has his humane side. And of course, he is a force to be reckoned with. He's a pretty layered character, that's for sure.

Masking his vulnerable side implies that there's people that he want to be looking strong in front of. And yes, this might can be applied to this panel,

But Kon is a long time partner slash friend to him, having known

Touji for more than ten years. His fanbook page even said that he helped Touji looking after Megumi when the latter was still a baby - when Touji was still lost after Megumi mama died. Kon is not someone he really needs to be looking strong for. So I think he's really forgotten about Megumi.

And in the panel him remembering Megumi, he was alone. So I think this is him really forgetting, not an act.

One of the things we know about Touji is he loved Megumi's real mother. The only one he ever loved; that she was able to get him into the right track.

I think her putting him in right track is not only in term of his wild personality, but also in his mental state. Touji was abused when he was young in Zenin household because of his zero curse energy, due to Heavenly Restriction. It's not far-fetched to assume this cause some mental instability in him. And after Megumi mama died, I think it also affected his mental state too.

In case of Megumi, yes, he cared. He tried. He tried to take care of Megumi but unfortunately it was not enough. His idea of taking care of Megumi was to marry another woman who had a kid so she could take care his kid too, and sell Megumi to the family that he hated, so that at least Megumi can have better than what would he be able to provide. Honestly, it's not... something that a normal person would do logically.

If you read these part, the way the panels progressed, it seems that he only remembered Megumi after he remember Megumi mama. He also sold Megumi to Zenin because he remembered Megumi mama's words to take care of Megumi.

Initially, he answered "No" when Gojou asked if he has last words. But he changed his mind and gave Gojou the situation of his son when he remembered Megumi, as a gamble - since Gojo clan is known long to have a perpetual beef with the Zenin, who Touji hates. But anyway that turn out to be lucky for him, since Megumi grows up right under Gojo's guardianship.

So is Touji really forgotten about Megumi? I think so. Did he care for his son? Yes, at the very least if only because of Megumi mama. Was he mentally sound? Most likely not. That's why Toki - who you can say his closest friend - claimed,

He's a very interesting character indeed.

#le-ask #jujutsu kaisen #jjk manga spoilers #fushiguro touji #jjk meta