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skzoologist · 10 months

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Unfamiliarity [two]

word count: ~10.5k

genre: Hybrid AU, no pairings

warnings: forced intake of medication, usage of heavy meds, panic attacks, signs of PTSD, hints of being experimented at, past abuse, occasional curse words, hurt/comfort, just bad choices overall from everyone

summary: Being taken in from the street means you get a mandatory, very fun session with the vet :)

a/n: I hope none of you missed the story too much, seeing as I took TWO MONTHS to update. I am horrible, my time-management skills are non-existent. My deepest apologies, I will put up the next chapter hopefully the next week to try and tame your ire. Especially since no new members are introduced in this chapter yet, only in the next one... Anyway, I hope you have fun reading this and feel free to barge into my ask box if you have any thoughts or questions!

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in!Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

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Waking up was not fun at all.

The moment my consciousness resurfaced and I opened my eyes, my whole body started hurting. My head pounded mercilessly, feeling heavy and fuzzy. My throat was parched, tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, the notion of peeling it off uncomfortable.

I slowly got up, my body shuddering and fur twitching as I sucked in a whine that almost left my muzzle. My back hurt and stretched, the smell of antiseptics hitting me in the face. My nose crinkled up, eyes watering from the unpleasantly strong smell. Shaking my head to try and get rid of at least a bit, I huffed and stood up on shaky paws, carefully stepping down from the 'bed'.

My whole body felt like a weight as I stood there, needing a moment to recollect myself.

What was I doing last time? I wasn't in 'bed'... No, I was eating, right. The wolf… yes, he was teaching me how to use those sticks. Then…

Everything came rushing back to me, the glass, the capture, the stars. Wait no, those were freckles.

Trotting towards the place where the clothes were stored, I stood on my hind legs, front right paw resting on the right door as I opened the left one with my maw. Sure enough, there were clothes neatly laid out there by the others, like it always had been.

Shifting into my other -more vulnerable- form, I suppressed every groan of pain that wanted to escape me. The scars on my upper body stretched painfully, the feeling unpleasant and familiar. Quickly putting on some clothes, I walked towards the door and took a couple of deep breaths.

Nobody was nearby, they were all huddled in the 'living room' from what I could tell. That was… weirdly perfect.

Quietly opening the door, I stepped out into the hallway I had walked across so many times before. Not wanting to notify anyone of my presence just yet, I left the door open -instead of risking them hearing me closing it- and stepped across the smooth floor, my steps muted and precise.

Nearing the stairway, I stopped as I heard hushed voices. I couldn't make out any words thanks to my fuzzy head, but their tone was more than enough to indicate their misery. My ears pressed into my head, knowing I was probably the cause of that.

Gathering my courage, I gulped down my racing heart that leapt into my throat and took a step towards the staircase.

By the fourth step I was noticed.

By the sixth, their voices completely died down.

By the seventh I stopped, gaze meeting theirs after a few seconds.

I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

My voice was raspy, the words almost unrecognisable from the lack of use over the long years. Yet, I continued looking at them, my uninjured hand clenching in anticipation, waiting for them to inevitably throw me out or hurt me.

"You…you can speak?" - croaked out a small voice, the others too stunned to speak yet.

I nodded.

"...Then why haven't you spoken so far?" - asked another.

"...wasn’t allowed to…" - I rasped out, my throat closing up in strain.

I awkwardly continued to stand there, waiting for a reaction, just anything.

"Well, why’re you just standing there, come down here you idiot." - choked out Chan. Before I could open my mouth to protest, Minho cut me off. "No, we’re not angry at you, get your ass down here or else Felix and Changbin will tackle you onto the stairs and worsen your injuries."

I just accepted my fate, making my way over towards them in my stupor. I didn't even reach them when the aforementioned feline shot up from his seat and rushed at me. I didn't fall over only because Minho warned me, so I stood there stiffly as the boy clinged to me as if his life depended on it, apologising over and over again.

My brows furrowed. What wrong did he do that he needed to be apologising for?

I quickly caught the words 'shirt' and 'breakfast', the pieces clicking together as I realised he had been blaming himself for my panic at the table.

I hovered my hand above his head, only after a moment of hesitance did I finally gently place it atop his mop of angelic hair and stroked it, mindful of his little ears.

"Not your fault." - I rasped out, but he either didn't hear or didn't believe me as he just buried his face deeper into my chest.

Sighing, I took his face in both of my hands -injury be damned- and nudged him to look at me. When he finally did, I repeated the same sentence, my tone firm and leaving no place for any argument. I wiped his tears with my thumbs, then looked towards the others as I continued speaking -or at least trying to-.

"Bad memory. Not anyo–... anyone's fault. Sorry. Broke glass and caused trouble."

My voice died halfway and I sounded like I rose from the dead, but none of them seemed to care. Changbin indeed affectionately hugged me once I was close enough, my body almost smushed into paste. I endured it, even as my form protested and skin shivered, knowing he had no bad intentions. Chan was full on crying and smiling at me, engulfing me in a bear hug once Felix let go of me for a few seconds. Minho just repeatedly called me an idiot in an endearing tone, his voice light and playful.

That evening was one I would never forget for the rest of my life, the warmth that surrounded me suffocatingly gentle and sweet.

-.-.-.-.-

The days kept going by in a similar fashion, my life gaining a rhythm I never thought I would ever have.

Everyday I would wake up in my little den -that nobody intruded upon, just like the wolf promised- to a knock on the door, one of the boys waiting there with breakfast for me. Taking it thankfully after greeting each other, I would then go to the bathroom and get ready for the day -yes i had to be shown how to wash my teeth and i absolutely disliked how it felt-. Afterwards, I would join whoever was in the big, spacious room, lounging on the sofa together. Skinship still made my hair stand on end, so I usually sat on one side, while the others were on the opposite one, huddled and cuddled up in one big pile. Then usually, around the same time I would be ushered back into my room. Not that I minded -sometimes i even left earlier, the presence of the others too much for the day-, but I had a feeling it was so I wouldn’t run into the human.

It left a strange feeling in my chest, whenever I thought about how suspiciously considerate these hybrids were towards me.

I also got used to everyone's scents by now, although my stomach sometimes still unpleasantly turned whenever they were especially strong and mixed together. The clothes they let me borrow definitely helped hasten the whole process, even though they looked comically short on my stature.

Speaking of clothes, as I was putting on a fresh shirt, I heard a ripping sound echoing through the room.

Panicking, I quickly took it off, the movement irritating my injuries further, but I didn't care about that. No, checking the precious fabric’s condition was a way bigger priority. I turned around the piece of cloth in my hands and sure enough, there was a newly formed hole in its fabric.

Putting on a different one -more carefully this time-, I made my way out of the room, my ears lowered and tail lifeless.

I was hit with deja vu as only Minho was lazily lounging on the sofa, attention partly on the TV, half asleep. Not wanting to bother him or accidentally fully wake him up, I was about to start leaving back into the hallway when Felix appeared. He greeted his feline friend and cuddled into him, purrs now loud enough for even me to hear.

Letting a small smile sneak itself onto my lips, I turned around to leave when suddenly, Felix's head popped up over the back of the couch. His left ear flicked as he was looking straight at me with a deadpan expression, motioning for me to join them. I shuffled in place, embarrassed I was caught, but went down the stairs to join them anyway.

The blonde boy greeted me quietly, the brunette conked out under him, soft snores already leaving his form. My gaze softened at the sight, ears letting up and tail swaying gently.

I took my usual place on the soft furniture, the shirt in my hand now painfully obvious. I played with it absentmindedly, just watching the TV alone as the other feline decided to take a nap as well. They had woken up not that long ago, so I couldn't really understand how they could fall asleep so fast once again. Huffing in amusement at them, I turned towards one of the downstairs hallways as I sensed the other two hybrids leave a room and approach us. Sure enough, they saw and greeted me, in return I nodded at them.

Before they could say anything, I put a finger in front of my lips, motioning towards the sleeping hybrids. Chan looked at them with such warmth as he chuckled, while Changbin just rolled his eyes playfully, muttering things about cats and their laziness.

"Oh, why do you have a shirt in your hands?" - the wolf asked after he sat down next to me, the other parts of the sofa taken by the stretched out felines.

My form turned sheepish, eyes looking at the ground. I held up the fabric for him to see, the hole painfully obvious as I muttered out a grated 'Sorry'.

"Don't be sorry baby, I honestly thought this would happen sooner. None of us have fitting clothing for you, seeing as you are ridiculously tall." He let out a small sigh, silently pondering over his next words. "I’ve waited with this for as long as I could, but it seems like we have no choice anymore, sorry. Because if we want to get you new clothes, you need a collar. To get one, you need to be officially adopted, and for that, you need a checkup. You needed one anyway, for your injuries." - he carefully whispered out, his gentle gaze searching my form for a reaction.

The blood froze into my veins.

I never wanted to be adopted again, or to have a collar on my neck. I gulped, the air suddenly thin and not enough. The room felt hot, while my body remained frigid. I was vaguely aware of the wolf in front of me, but my vision became slightly hazy and limited.

I blinked several times, forcing the memories and feelings down, not willing to cause another scene and appear weak in front of them yet again.

"-by, are you alright?"

All at once I became painfully aware of his knowing gaze and gentle hold on my uninjured hand. I merely nodded, noticing Changbin hovering nearby as well. My ears flicked towards his direction, a sign I noticed him and was fine. He eased up and sat down next to Chan, head propped up on one of the elder’s shoulders.

"I'm sorry baby, we can wait a bit more to get your injuries looked at. Forget I said anything." - he squeezed my hand once more, then let go as he instead focused on the movie that was playing.

I tried to do so as well, mind numb and slow to work.

I remained seated there for the rest of the day -besides eating and such-, aware what the others were doing at all times. Sometimes they silently watched the TV, other times they caused a ruckus. Chan checked his phone a couple of times, but I wasn't bothered about that. He did that sometimes, probably speaking with his human. The day went by and I was soon back in my room, sleeping early to just end the day faster.

I should have cared about that phone checking.

The next day started the same as my days usually did, but when I met the others, there was a strange tension in the air. They seemed a bit awkward around me, especially the wolf. I only raised an eyebrow at that, an uncomfortable feeling settling into my gut. But I thought nothing more of it.

I really should have.

Next thing I knew, the day slowly trickled by, the bad feeling only growing stronger, body fidgeting endlessly. My eyes regularly flitted around the place, searching for the source of my uncomfort.

It arrived in the form of an ear-splitting ringing. I jumped, having never heard the loud sound and remained in place. The others looked at each other with uncertainty, letting the youngest boy open the door.

Taking a deep breath, my nose picked up on an unfamiliar smell, one that did not belong to a hybrid. Before Felix reached the door I bolted, vaulting over the sofa and up the stairs, diving under the 'bed' and into my den, my safe place.

There was an unknown human in the house and I had a really bad feeling that it had something to do with me. What if it was them, finally having found me, ready to take me back to their lab? What if it was the law, coming to punish me for what I had done?

My head raced with thoughts, none better than the other.

Amidst my panic, the door opened, Chan stepping in and crouching in front of my hidden form.

"Baby, come out please. He just needs to look at your injuries and check if they’re healing properly." - he coaxed fruitlessly.

Oh so it was just a doctor. I didn't know if it was worse or better.

"Baby, please, it's just me in here. Come out."

He was right, it was indeed only him in the room at that moment, the others’ scents all outside and not in the room.

Not getting an answer, he just sat down and continued to try and lure me out with gentle murmurs, his voice on the edge of begging. Still, it took him a good while to get me out of my den, but I slowly crawled out and looked at him wearily.

Betrayal.

Betrayal was all I felt, as he grabbed me, shouting for the others to rush in and hold me down. My back was pushed onto a plush surface as it burned, my limbs held down even as they struggled to regain their freedom.

But no matter how hard I tried, their grips firmly remained on my body. A growl ripped out of my chest as my jaw was forced open, something placed inside as they firmly shut it. I didn't want to swallow down whatever it was, but he kept his hand in place, the other massaging my throat.

Tears escaped my eyes as I couldn't fight it anymore, the object sliding down with a forced gulp.

I continued thrashing, even as I felt a bit more sluggish, but nothing more.

"Fuck, he needs another one."

No!

I ripped my left hand out of its hold, something painfully moving out of place as I struggled to break free, blindly clawing at anything I could reach. My limb was soon recaptured, the hold on it only causing more pain. In the next moment my jaw was forced open once again and I relived that horrible moment from a few minutes ago.

My body felt heavy, head hazy as I laid there panting, unable to do anything anymore.

The wolf came into my vision, wiping away the tear tracks from my cheeks as he whispered something about being sorry and not having a choice. I just continued laying there, the ceiling much more interesting for my unfocused eyes as I accepted my fate.

Their familiar scents left and in came a new one, my gut already churning in place.

The new voice introduced itself, but I couldn't be bothered to remember its name. My mind was stuffy, as if it was filled with cotton. The room looked somehow funny, the patterns seemingly coming to life with each passing second. I could hear a chuckle as I marvelled at them, having never seen such things before.

Wariness was sitting at the back of my mind, forgotten there. My mood took a funny turn as well, numb and giddy mixing together to make me obedient and helpful.

And I was.

I sat up sluggishly and let the human do whatever he wanted to me as I merely watched him, like a lifeless doll on drugs. He checked various parts of my body, being extra diligent around the scars on my upper body, head and arm. Although I did make a face when he checked inside my mouth or touched my ears and tail, goosebumps uncomfortably raised on the surface of my skin.

After way too much prodding and tests, he was finally done and left, the knots in my stomach easing up.

I remained seated where I was, the floor perpetually moving and writhing beneath my feet. I watched it, highly intrigued, even as someone else came into the room.

Looking up I realised it was the wolf, my mood elated and tail wagging, happy to see him.

With a 'Channie!' I hugged him rather forcefully, rubbing my head into his. Suddenly realising what he had done not even long ago, I let go of him quickly, as if he had the plague. "Wait, no, I am supposed to be angry at you." - I muttered, arms crossed.

He just laughed, patting my shoulder. "You can come in guys, he's good, although a bit too high!" - he shouted out the open door, leading me back to where I sat not long ago.

Not even a second later Felix rushed in and I tackled him similarly to the wolf, just with a happy shout of 'Sunshine!' this time. Realising he was in on my backstabbing too, I let go of him and scrunched up my nose. "Wait, I am supposed to be angry at you too."

I stepped away from him, but then Minho and Changbin came in as well, and in a now very familiar fashion I greeted them. "Binnie, Linooo!… Wait, you guys held me down too… Ooh the floor is still moving." - I released them, looking around the floor as I heard them all laugh.

"How long do you think the meds will last? I need to know when to start recording, this is golden." - cackled the scary feline.

"The doc said a few hours, and that’s with his abnormally high tolerance." - replied the wolf as I was led to the bed by Binnie, the ground still tripping me out.

"Can we keep some of these meds? I have never seen him like this before, so… open and cuddly." "Well the doc did give us some, in case he freaks out again or anything. And no, Lix, those are for emergency use only."

The kitten pouted and I almost went to comfort him, before once again I remembered what they did. I went to cross my arms as I pouted, but the rodent hybrid gently held my injured hand that now rested in a cast.

"Don't pout, please, we did what we thought was best." - he whispered, caressing the cast with his thumb. "If you want to blame anyone, blame me. I was the one who had that ide–" The wolf was elbowed in his sides by both felines, a 'Shut up' and 'Naur' leaving their lips in disharmony.

I pursed my lips together, opting to instead hide myself in Changbin's side.

"I was just so scared. I thought it was him, or, or the others. I didn't want to go back." - my voice rasped out, cracking at a few places.

A few seconds of silence passed as one of them carded their fingers through my hair soothingly.

"Baby, who is he?"

"Dun wanna talk about it."

I just pressed more into the younger boy, my voice muffled. Taking a deep breath of the tropical scent, I threw myself over the others, face now nestled into the wolf's middle.

"Smells good. Safe."

"Maybe we can use these meds out of emergency too sometimes."

-.-

I woke up to a full bed, the thought dancing around my mind before fully registering. I tensed up under all the bodies, my heart rate accelerating fast. Not wanting to wake them up, I scooted away as much as I could, my body ridden with goosebumps, reminded of the past.

Some of them stirred but remained asleep as I just sat there, trying to recollect what had happened that could result in this.

I, sadly, came up a bit blank.

Instead of wrecking my already hurting head even more, I watched the others sleep, their features peaceful and at ease. A smile slipped onto my lips.

I knew it for a while now, that they sneaked their way into my heart, I just kept denying it. My heart was just not ready to trust again, and it probably never would be.

But I was willing to try, for their sake.

I had no clue how long I had been sitting there, but gradually all of them woke up, greeting me and each other. I nodded back, the question I had been itching to get an answer to sitting on the tip of my tongue.

"What happened yesterday?"

They froze up, glancing at each other, until Minho slipped his phone out with a suspiciously wide grin on his face. He tapped some things and a video started playing.

A video of me, cuddling into every single one of them with a satisfied smile on my face.

I blanched, wide eyes not believing what they were seeing. I nearly choked on my spit when I heard their nicknames leaving my lips. Nicknames I thought I never said out loud.

"Yeah, you were extreeemely high from the meds." - laughed Chan, rubbing his nape at the memory. "Yup, called Lix's freckles stars too and asked Binnie if he could lift you up, since he has so much muscle."

My cheeks warmed up immediately, ears lowered in embarrassment. I took my tail into my uninjured hand, pushing my face into it to hide as they all just laughed at my expense.

I couldn't face them anymore. Never again, actually.

-.-.-.-

The following days I hid in my room, memories of that day now fully intact as they trickled back to me. I was hurt over being fooled and forced into a medical checkup, especially because they knew how I would react to it. So their solution was to lie to me and force medication down my throat… But to their credit, none of them came into the room uninvited still, only knocking to give me food, which I quickly took and shut the door into their faces.

I was torn.

On one hand, I had finally admitted that yes, they had wormed their way into my heart. On the other hand, the trust that had been so carefully crafted now crumbled down in front of my very eyes.

It was painful.

Instead I just let my eyelids flutter closed as I laid curled up in my den, tears easily racing down their already carved out paths.

I was so tired.

-.-.-.-

I was startled awake by quiet knocking on my door, the sound ear-piercing in the deadly silence. It must have been night, my tired mind supplied amidst its haze.

I blinked a couple of times, the weight of my body settling into my soul, easily convincing me to not move a finger.

But the knocking disagreed as it rang through my echoing room once more.

Taking a deep breath to will myself to move, I immediately recognised the sugary sweet scent wafting through the air, dragging a sigh from my body.

Crawling out of my hiding place, I held my head as it throbbed, sight swimming and throat parched. The thought of accepting the food I refused hours earlier didn’t sound too bad at that moment, but I instead shook my head gently and shut my eyes closed forcefully. My vision soon returned fully afterwards, so I slowly padded towards the door and opened it just enough for our eyes to meet.

Those usually glinting, bright nebulas were now dim, sitting atop dark and raw skin. The sight broke a part of me, but I showed no sign of it, no, I couldn’t, I refused to. Instead I just hummed with a questioning tone, wanting to hear the goal of his visit from his mouth directly.

"Hyung… Do you… Could we talk? Please?" - his voice cracked, eyes glistening and pleading.

I couldn't say no to that, so I opened the door just enough for him to slip in, closing it quietly after confirming no one else was nearby.

He awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, so I just motioned towards the 'bed' for him with a jerk of my head. Getting the hint, he carefully sat down at the edge of it, his lax tail laying close to his body in distress.

I remained standing in front of him, a fair distance between his timid form and my angry one, hands awkwardly crossed in front of my chest -this cast thing was getting on my nerves-. My question was clear to him, no words needed to convey it.

"We… You have to know we did it for your own good, Hyung. I…I'm really sorry, I'm not saying what we did was right, but you needed medical attention! Your- you didn't see your injuries, when the glass cut into your burgundy fur, I… I was so scared. You were bleeding a lot and, and… I just didn't want to lose you. None of us wanted to…"

The once bright boy in front of me was broken, tears cascading down his freckled cheeks, just like on that day. It felt like I cast a spell, a curse, hiding away the blinding star behind a curtain of weeping clouds.

It felt horrible.

I felt horrible.

Sighing quietly, I uncrossed my arms.

"I'll… I'll need some time to, to think this through." - my voice rasped out, the air grating against my vocal chords painfully.

The boy nodded, wiping his tears with his long sleeves, his feet carrying him out, through the doorway.

I just stood there, feeling empty even as the door closed and the quiet sniffing disappeared down the hallway.

"...For my sake, huh?"

-.-.-.-

It took me 3 days to scrape my feelings and thoughts together into a partly comprehensive ball. I still couldn't fully understand the situation, and in no way did I forgive them. But I also realised that I didn't have the full picture.

That was what brought me to the current situation, agitated form standing in front of the others' shocked ones.

"I'm still angry, but need explanation."

They just gaped at me for a few seconds, then looked at each other, as if silently communicating.

A deep sigh left the wolf as he rubbed his nape, gaze firmly planted into the ground by his feet.

"I was the one who called the shots, so if you still wanna be angry at someone by the end of this, let that only be me. The others don't deserve this."

Someone else wanted to interject, but his sharp glare was all it took to quickly shoot them down.

"While yes, you did need the check-up if you wanted to remain here, which is something we all wanted before you think anything else, your recent injuries were urgent. We did have our theories after you didn't really look to be in pain, but they were confirmed after the visit. You have a dangerously high tolerance for drugs and pain, so you must not’ve noticed the extent of your injuries, but please, believe us when we say they were severe. You became almost blind to your left eye, for the sake of-! Sigh But this still doesn't justify what we-, I did. I apologise, from the bottom of my heart."

I could only stare at his bowing form, the others following in suit. Something tightly constricted in my chest, something that started at the beginning of his speech. What it was, I had no clue.

A shaky breath left my form, my fists clenched and gaze dropping.

"It hurt."

The silence was deafening.

"I thought… I thought I could start to trust you. That I- was safe here… Why? It hurt so much." - as if the constricting band snapped in half, my chest became lighter and I just stood there as tears slowly cascaded down my face, hands uselessly hovering mid-air.

Nobody came near me, my body both happy and sad about it, a part of me already used to their warmth and comforting touches. It tore a violent sob out of my chest.

I was so tired of all this.

Of not being normal, not being able to enjoy someone's presence or touches. I wanted to be normal again! Not this, this freak!

"Oh baby… You're not a freak."

My sobs froze into my chest as I looked up through my tears, not even realising I spoke out loud.

"Yes, you’re not like the others, but only because you’re hurt. And hurt can be healed and fixed, even if it takes a long time. Maybe not fully, sure, but you can become better with time and care."

The voice of the wolf was soothing, like cold water on a hot summer day.

"But we can only help you if you let us."

The gaze of the little herbivore was equally warm.

"Please, Bae Hyung, let us help you."

The young feline's voice was broken, but it held so much strength it shook my soul.

And while the last member only nodded along and spoke nothing, his body posture and gaze sang poems, all with the same goal.

It was as if something I had been hauling around for long years got lighter, the weight not impossible to bear anymore. I could clearly hear my walls crumble, the ones I had put up after that day for my own protection. Fresh tears sprang into my eyes, lips trembling.

"Promise? N-no more?"

Even though my broken question couldn't have been any more vague, they all firmly responded, swearing to not let such a thing happen again.

And while yes, I did not forgive them at that moment, I knew it would only take time.

-.-.-

And time it took.

While I did leave my room occasionally, it only happened every few days and for a short time. My body involuntarily shuddered from their close proximity, afraid they would hold me down again and--

I shook my head, the thought bristling my skin, making my hair stand on end.

No, I refused to think about that. Instead, I focused on the scent of the sunlit forest, filled with tropical fruit. A meadow hidden between the tall giants, filled to the brim with mellow flowers, their sweet nectar luring all kinds of beings closer.

Taking a deep breath, the scent filled my lungs and lingered there, as if my organ clinged to it desperately.

A cheerful greeting broke me out of my trance, the source busy in the kitchen turning the place upside down amidst its mission to find snacks.

I didn't even notice I was walking down the hallway, let alone down the stairs, following the strengthening scent of a sweltering, bountiful forest.

Blinking, I nodded back at him, my eyes following his shorter form. Reaching up for a cabinet, his muscles tensed and yet, a pout sat on his lips as he just couldn't quite reach the prize he sought after so desperately.

Calmly striding over, I took the crinkly bag from the upper shelf, the packet having been safely tucked into the corner. After inspecting the bag for a brief second -they were some kind of chips-, I turned around and placed it into his hands, his form strangely frozen and big doe eyes innocently blinking up at me.

But before my head could tilt in confusion, he beamed up at me gratefully, bounding over to the sofa, beckoning me to follow after having fallen into its soft cushions.

A fond sigh left my nose, but I complied to his wishes nonetheless. Soon enough, our separate forms were watching some kind of romance story again -that was all we ever watched-, his arm that held the bag frequently stretched out towards me. A silent offering of food, one I gratefully accepted.

Changbin felt like fire. His presence hot, attention demanding, yet it was always tamed around me. He was a bundle of untamed flames whenever they thought I wasn't around, and still, the inferno was pleasantly warm and grounding. Safe. Like a lit bonfire on a cold winter night.

And I was but a cold, starved animal, undeniably drawn in by its light, yet also afraid of being burnt. Thus, I could only watch from afar, basking in the small wisps of fire that reached my form as the others huddled around it, hungrily devouring its unending heat.

And maybe, maybe I would be able to get closer one day too.

-.-.-

Quietly slinking down the stairs, I looked towards the kitchen where Minho resided, his back turned towards me as he was busy making food.

I purposefully stepped towards the side so he could catch my form in the corner of his eye, not wanting to startle him. My plan worked as he glanced at me while muttering out a short greeting, eyes quickly focusing back on the pot sizzling under the heat.

Taking a deeper breath, its aroma filled my nose, pleasantly tickling my mind and hungry stomach.

As if led by the scent, I walked closer, curious form now dangerously close to his cooking one. I could easily see over his shoulders, my eyes drinking in every move he made, hands gracefully working the pan and the food residing in it.

It was quite mesmerising.

Throughout it all, he never once ushered me away or uttered a word.

Minho felt like the tall grass in an unending meadow. Always there, calmly swaying in the gentle breeze. He didn't speak a lot compared to the others, instead he let his actions do the talking. His occasional words were sometimes harsh, sure, but his actions were always gentle. He was a pillar you could lean on, should you need it.

It was reassuring.

Minho was reassuring.

-.-.-

The wolf was weird. Weird in the way that he tried to hide things, certain feelings behind smiles. His broad shoulders always tense in a way, as if carrying the weight of the world.

But I could smell it, his pain and exhaustion oozing into his scent, the forest ageing and weeping in return. It unpleasantly twisted my nose, causing my brows to furrow as well.

There were times where he only smelled like sunshine, the trees blooming in happiness as a gentle breeze ruffled their canopy. His face reflected his mood, lips breaking out in a face-splitting smile, dimples on show and gaze glinting.

But at other times his smile didn't quite reach his eyes, the dark orbs seemingly drowning. In what, I did not know.

Compared to Chan's safe, yet chipped presence, the little snow leopard was the exact opposite. The boy wore his heart on his sleeves, his mood usually bright.

Felix was like the burning sun, a star so bright it felt painful to get closer. His presence alone eased the atmosphere, his affectionate touches and hugs making everyone melt in his arms.

When he was sad, he didn't hide it and instead sought comfort from someone. But just like how clouds never stayed in front of the sun to obstruct it forever, he always bounced back into his cheery self.

Felix was my sunshine, the light in the unending darkness. Chan was my guiding path, leading me away from my past.

I could only fondly gaze at their focused faces as we sat in front of the TV, the artificial light creating shadows on their faces, highlighting every imperfection. Yet I found all of them perfect, my arms folded on the back of the sofa, head laying on top of it to observe them better.

I wanted to carve that moment, them into my memory, into my heart. Desperately wanting my soul to remember every single one of them and their features.

That was when I had suddenly realised, my anger towards them had vanished, just like the cold, white veil over the world.

-.-.-.-

Waking up under the bed in my den early in the day was nothing out of the ordinary. The empty feeling in my gut was, however. I furrowed my brows together, lips setting into a line.

What was this feeling?

It ate away at my very being, as if it was missing something. But I had everything I had gotten over the past months, except maybe a few snacks that had gone missing.

Blindly searching around, I grasped at the 'blanket' and brought it to my chest, hugging it tightly. The motion did little to fill the gaping hole in my chest.

Looking back at it, the feeling was familiar and not at all new. It just wasn't this bad before, or if it was, I did not notice it.

Huffing in frustration, I crawled out and begrudgingly got ready to start the day, even though it clearly wasn't ready to do so itself. The sun wasn't even up, its rays barely peeking over the horizon. I shielded my eyes from it and instead went out of the room quietly.

The house was silent, bathed in dancing shadows. A quick inhale told me all I needed to know, the scent of the human still strongly lingering in the air, meaning they were still in the house. Already knowing they lived on the same floor as me, I quickly made my way down the stairs, steps muted and calculated. I had learned which parts of the wood creaked a long time ago, the motion now automatic for my body.

Not wanting to meet the human by staying at the sofa, I turned towards the hallways hidden by the stairs.

My body automatically led me to a door and stopped in front of it.

Gaze sweeping over the floor, I hesitated. They were probably still sleeping. I didn't want to be a bother, especially since I didn't even know what to say to them. Something along the lines of 'Hey, sorry, I just feel empty and weird inside, can you help?' maybe? Not a chance, nope.

"Hyung?"

My body startled, head whipping towards the side to meet Changbin and his curious gaze on my form, cute, little, round ears twitching in curiosity. I lowered my own ears, embarrassed, not knowing what to say.

Instead of the familiar question of 'Is everything alright?', he just walked towards me -oh he had lighter clothes on, he was probably on his way to train- and knocked on the door.

Right in front of my frozen face.

Before I could even voice my worry and confusion, he left my panicked form with two hefty pats on my shoulder and a wink. I stepped towards him, mouth open, arms ready to grasp at him–

"Hyung?"

Ah shit.

I immediately closed my mouth, arms falling limply back to my sides as I didn't know how to face the younger. I rubbed at my nape nervously -a habit i had picked up from the wolf accidentally-, looking at the ground. The sweet scent in the air calmed me slightly, just enough to stop me from bolting away in embarrassment.

"What are you doing up so early?" - Felix asked as he rubbed at one of his eyes, voice hoarse and filled with slumber.

"...couldn't sleep."

A soft 'oh' left his mouth, the soft rustling of socks against wood filling the air.

Turning around I saw he had stepped aside, silently inviting me into his room. I felt the other hybrid sooner than I saw him, Chan's form laying on the bed peacefully, still deeply asleep.

I quietly stepped in, the door closing with a soft click behind me. My eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden darkness as I blinked several times, the shuffling form of the young boy soon clear in the room.

He went back to bed and looked at me, a silent question sitting in his gaze. I shook my head, opting to instead sit in his squishy chair that sat on the ground in a corner.

No other word was uttered, but the silence was comfortable. Like a soft fabric of comfort as it lulled us back to sleep -oh, just like a blanket, i get it now-.

I stared at the dark ceiling for a while, the soft snores of the others filling my ears. Soon enough my eyelids felt heavy, consciousness drifting away into the land of dreams and peace. The empty feeling settled down a bit, its presence now only at the back of my mind.

-.-

Soft murmurs woke me up, the room feeling warm and comforting. The scent of a pine forest mixed with sugar wafted in the air; it curled around me like a comforting presence, bringing a small smile to my lips.

The murmurs stopped and I stretched out, head popping up from the squishy chair to look at the two males on the bed.

Chan had a phone in his lowering hand with a smile plastered onto his face, while Felix just giggled, waving at me.

"Good morning baby. How was your sleep?" - the wolf's pleasant voice asked, deeper than usual as sleep still clung to it slightly.

I only nodded back, hand still rubbing the sleep from my eyes with little success.

"I still can't believe how you can just fit on that bean bag like that. And you even looked like you had the best sleep in the whole house!" - laughed out Felix as my cheeks felt a tad bit hotter at his comment. "I think it's cute, but do come sit with us, it's comfier up here." - Chan cooed, hand patting the blanket near him.

My lips pursed, ears tilting slightly behind, but I complied and sat at the end of the bed, gaze not meeting their forms as my cheeks still felt warm.

"How’s your arm, baby?"

I looked at the limb in question, the cast weighing it down. My lips turned down at the mere thought of it. I found the thing incredibly annoying and frustrating. I couldn't do things freely as it sat heavily there and I couldn't even enjoy baths anymore like how I used to -fully submerged in water-. This stupid thing was driving me nuts.

"Irritating. When can it be free?" - my husky voice answered, slightly better sounding from the little talking I had done lately.

"Ah, the doc did say it should be checked on again soon." "Yep, today to be exact."

My eyes widened as I whipped my head towards Chan, form tensing. Before I could do anything more, he held up his hands and explained in panic.

"No, no, don't worry, it will be different. He will only come in a few hours and you can choose to take some calming medicine or not. The choice is up to you entirely. The doc only needs to check how you are healing and if everything's good, he might even be able to take your cast off."

Looking into their eyes, I could only see sincerity. My form relaxed a bit, mind running around with choices.

I really didn't want to meet a human, but the chance to get this thing off was too great to ignore.

Fuck.

Sighing, I slowly nodded.

Their expressions eased up at that, the little leopard hovering his hand above mine. I didn't move away, the void in my chest happy as the feline gently grasped onto my limb.

The atmosphere settled back into its previous serene self, the two hybrids chatting calmly with each other. I had to give credit to them, they tried their best to get me involved as well so I gave them short answers, my hurting throat letting me do only so much.

As I watched them animatedly speak I caught a whiff of a savoury scent in the air, my stomach gently gurgling in response. The two chuckled at that, but I cared not as I stood up and waited for them by the door.

"Yes yes, we’re coming." - said the wolf, his tone light and teasing.

The leopard bundled up next to me energetically, his spotted tail playfully curling around in place as we waited for the older canine.

Finally gathered together, I opened the door and hastily walked into the big room from the hallway, Minho's back facing us.

The others greeted each other loudly and sat at the table to chat, all the while I made my way to the cooking cat, hovering behind his busy form like usual.

I could hear the others whisper about us, about me, things like 'He looks so cute, like a lost puppy following its parent.', but it didn't bother me at the moment. I was too busy watching Minho work his magic, the air smelling delicious.

His hands worked precisely with the knife, ingredients cut perfectly into the shapes he desired. The pans and pots were filled up and moved over the fire, then quickly pulled off once their contents were ready and done. He danced around the kitchen with scary efficiency, hands knowing exactly where to reach for certain ingredients or equipment.

Being done, he plated the food and asked me to help bring them over to the table, so I did. I must have been too absorbed in watching the chestnut-haired feline work, because Changbin was already back at the table in a fresh set of clothes, the air around him smelling clean with a hint of menthol. I quickly greeted him with an apology as well, but he just shrugged it aside calmly, saying it was fine.

Leaving it at that, I put the plates down and sat in my place, the colourful presence of the medicines not escaping my gaze. They sat there beside my glass of water clearly, forms not hidden at all.

I really did have the choice.

My working hand clenched around itself, my jaw firm. While the medicine did remind me of the past, it also did not. The ones they used were plain, usually white or worse, in the form of an injection. These ones were yellow and red, colours blaringly loud and playful in a way.

Turning my gaze towards the warm food, I forced my body to relax a bit, wanting to focus on eating as I rethought my choices and decision.

My ears turned towards whoever was speaking -more like shouting and bickering- as I ate , a silent participant of the conversation. I was much more comfortable just seeing them fool around, stealing each other's food -never mine though, how strange- and laughing around like fools.

Happy fools.

The chopsticks gently clanked against the plate as I finished eating. My hands played with the pills before quickly popping them into my mouth, forcing them down with some water.

The effect wasn't immediate at all, no, that was instead the silence as the others stared at me. I just raised an eyebrow at that, not understanding, since they were the ones who put them there.

"Ooh, this will be interesting." - Minho said with a smirk crawling onto his lips, hand already equipping his phone. "No!" - I shouted, reaching over but missing as he moved the object away way too quickly.

I quickly stood up to reach his hand better, but the walls were already moving and my balance was shifting rapidly. I held my head, groaning, the eye I didn't cover up shifting as the world around me moved and writhed.

I quickly sat back down, a curse leaving my lips as I just laid my forehead on the table, covering my head up with my arms.

"Hyung, you're fine. Don't hide." - sang the deep voice of Felix. I merely tightened my hold, not trusting what came out of my mouth as my head started filling up with cotton, judgement already starting to leave my form.

"Felix, you know well enough that's a lie." - snickered Minho at my expense. "Yes, but come on mate! Don't be such a meanie!" "Oh I’m not. I would be, if I put these videos up onto the internet. Now that I say it, that’s a good idea." "Guys, calm down. Nobody puts anything anywhere. Sigh I worded that wrong…"

Amidst the chaos, I looked up and searched for the only quiet person, asking him for help with the last of my coherent thoughts. "Don't look at me, I quite enjoyed how you praised my biceps last time." That was his only answer with a big grin, cheeks splitting apart from the bright smile that sat upon his face. What a menace.

I let my head fall back against the table, the cutlery clanking loudly against each other and partly masking the groan that left my lips. The pressure it brought to my skull did little to help with the ache and numbness.

There it was, the fog over my brain, the disgustingly good mood taking control over the place against my wishes.

I looked up from the table, chin propped up on it as my eyes followed the swirling patterns in the room, various shapes drawing out in them with every passing second. Someone ruffled my hair, the action earning a delighted sound from my throat, tail swaying happily behind me.

Looking around after taking a deep breath that drew a small smile on my face, I saw the others standing up and leaving towards the sofa. Not wanting to be left out, I followed them, falling onto Binnie who laid on the plush surface. He laughed and wiggled around until he found a comfortable enough position with me laying on top of his much smaller form.

Our legs were picked up and placed onto Minho's lap, while Chan and Felix sat on his other side, all snuggled up. I could feel a tickling sensation on my foot, causing me to wiggle around and whine. The perpetrator -Chan, of course it was him- only giggled, not leaving my poor feet alone for a good minute or so. Felix joined in at some point, that little weasel.

After having recovered from the impromptu tickle session, I relaxed back into a comfortable position -to my defence, Binnie was surprisingly comfortable-. My tail laxly laid on the chocolate-coated feline's knees, twitching as he put a hand on the back of my knee. I thought nothing of it and buried my head into Binnie's chest, the position dangerously pleasant.

Lino's hand kept moving upwards throughout the movie, now resting on my thigh. I flicked up my tail in warning, his hand stopping in place.

A blaring sound rang throughout the house, one I was vaguely familiar with.

Sniffing the air, I picked up a human's scent and my fogged up mind reminded me that the doctor had arrived at last. I completely forgot about it in the euphoria of the moment.

Feeling the hybrid shifting around under me, I tightened my hold, not wanting to get up just yet. Or at all, really.

"Bae hyung, you have to get up. The doctor's here." "Well he can check me over like this."

Laughter filled the place as Binnie sputtered, but settled back down nonetheless. Pink dusted his cheeks, round little ears lowered in embarrassment and I couldn’t help myself, I just had to reach up and pet one of them. Just for a little bit.

Sure enough, the doctor didn't put up a fight when he saw my hold on the buff male. He checked as much as he could of my injuries, my shirt pushed up to my neck as he prodded around on my back. I only felt numb pulling sometimes, something cool spreading around my skin, the air not hitting it anymore as something was placed on top of it at several places.

But then the human asked me to sit up and my serene mood was broken, Binnie's hand stopping from painting soft circles into my arm. I simply turned my head away, not willing to change positions.

"Baby, come here."

At that soothing voice I looked up, seeing Channie pat the place next to him on the sofa. I sat up after a few seconds, sitting where he wanted me to and leaning into him.

The doctor followed my form and first looked at my head. It was uncomfortable to have him so near me, to have him push my hair away slightly. Doing something similar to what he did to my back, he then asked me to open my mouth. I furrowed my brows, but complied anyway.

If him prodding around my head was uncomfortable, this was straight up hell. He looked down my throat and even touched around my neck, checking my reactions. The only reason I stayed put with a frown was because of Channie and Felix with their small, encouraging gestures.

"Keep up what you've been doing so far, his throat is looking a bit better. Given time, it can completely recover." - the human said, earning a few 'Okay's from the others.

Then the human took my heavy arm in his hands, asking questions like 'Does it hurt?' or 'Is it uncomfortable?'. I shook my head in answer, the thing on it only annoying and binding.

In the next second the wolf led my head into his neck, careful fingers carding through my hair, as my sight was obstructed now. The notion was sudden, but I relished in it nonetheless.

A weird sound filled the air as I felt things shift around my arm, but I was too comfortable to move or care. His scent filled my being and I could feel my form running around in the moss covered trees, dirt kicking up beneath my paws. It felt freeing, as if I had nothing to worry about.

"There, his arm is completely healed and as good as new. But to be safe, make sure he doesn't use it as much for the next week." "Thank you doctor, we will make sure to do so." - his voice hummed through his throat pleasantly in response. "Don't be so uptight boys, I don't bite. You can be casual around me if you want to, you already know that." - the human joked around, some of the others joining in.

"Ah, but we do need to do what we talked about last time. Could you…?"

The human trailed off and so did the soothing motion from the wolf. I lifted my head up from his shoulder, confusedly looking at him with my swimming vision.

"Ah, don't worry baby, everything is fine. Why don't you sit in my lap, that way you don't have to twist your torso around so uncomfortably."

He did have a point, so my fogged up, elated mind happily agreed and did as he asked. I crawled into his awaiting embrace, body sideways, one leg propped up and squished between our bodies. My back hunched and bent so I could rest my head near his neck once again, but even with all of that, it was comfortable.

Safe.

One of his hands held my back firmly, the other resuming the soothing motion on my head. I was vaguely aware of my tail happily wagging around, the others settling down around us as well.

I buried my head deeper into his neck, their scents dancing around in my nose and enhancing my drugged up state.

I felt one of my sleeves shift, a prickling sensation on my skin. Something poked around in my mind, telling me it was awfully familiar, but I didn't know why, the fog too obstructing. Nonetheless, I wanted to check it out but as my head shifted, so did Channie's hold on me.

It tightened slightly, desperately, the forest now damp and in disarray.

I didn't like that at all, so I laid back down as I ignored the second sting on my arm, the forest’s scent settling down slowly.

It took around 6 stings and for my tail to stop swaying for the doctor to finish.

"Alright boys, I will come back in a month to finish this up and check if his back and head is still healing fine. So far he’s healing up incredibly fast and nothing seems wrong, so don't worry. If something comes up, you know how to reach me."

They all thanked him and exchanged goodbyes, everyone escorting the human away except Channie, as I was still laying in his hold calmly.

My body felt a bit sluggish, consciousness trying to dip away as I had to jank it back forcefully, not wishing to sleep just yet. Although my cosy position was not helping with that sudden exhaustion either, the safe feeling almost lulling me to sleep in itself.

"Is he asleep?" "Naur, but soon enough. The medicines must’ve really tired him out." "He seemed tired already this morning, he really needs this rest." "Ah, is that why you knocked on our door for him this morning, Binnie?" "Yeah, caught him standing there for like 3 minutes straight, staring at your door. He looked like a small kid that had a nightmare." "Wait, you guys had a sleepover and I was not invited?" "Oh come on Minho, don't do this now. Besides, you dislike them and always complain about being kicked or having your blanket stolen." "Because it's true! How would you like to wake up cold, kicked to the ground, hm?" "Oh you fucki–" "Hey, language!" "Watch your profanity!" "Oh you got the swear police on your ass now, Lixie~" "I swear to god, Minho, I will get you back for this!"

Their arguing mixed with Channie's reverberating chest pushed me over the edge, my mind plunging into darkness at last.

-.-.-

The next few days ran by as I refused to acknowledge what had happened or what I could have done while drugged out of my mind. I did notice my hand was free at least, so maybe it was all worth it. Although everyone kept a closer eye on me, not letting me use my freed up hand much. Or at all, really.

It was stifling.

But it was also weird. Foreign. I was alone for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like to have people beside you. People who cared about you. So as frustrating as it was, I only sighed deeply and followed their wishes.

Besides, the wolf was the one who had been watching me the closest, and I did not want to anger him. The thought alone made me break out in cold sweat.

A bundle of joy broke me out of my thoughts, the little leopard stopping directly in front of me.

"Hyung, do you want to play this new game I got? Everyone else declined, only giving me lame excuses."

Awh, he pouted.

I simply nodded with a small smile, letting his overjoyed self lead me out by my 'good' hand.

"Lix, he can't really use his hand, mate!" - Chan shouted from the kitchen. "No worries, it's a wii game, it can be played with only one hand!" - shouted back the blonde, my ears hurting from the loud voice. "Ah, sorry, I forgot." - he immediately whispered to me, guilt taking over his features.

I simply shook my head, grating out an 'It's fine.' in the process.

Soon enough I found myself in his room -he always shared it with someone, but so did the others, i noticed, as they often slept in a big pile of limbs all together-, instructed to sit on his bed while he got this 'game' thing set up. I had no clue what it was, but he looked so happy about it I just couldn't say no to him.

He plopped down next to me, a thing similar to the remote sat in his hands, eyes facing towards the TV in his room. Looking at it, the colours stopped shifting and some music started playing.

Lixie turned towards me, the smile on his face seemingly endless as he started pointing out the different parts of this remote. What 'button' did what and so on. I nodded along, trying my best to remember the onslaught of information.

Then, he pressed START and the 'game' began.

-.-

"Nooooooo, how’s this possible?? You just learned what a video game is 3 hours ago and you already beat me 11 times in a row! Hyung, you're cheating!" - the boy pouted, absolutely losing his mind over the situation. "... Sorry?" "That just makes it even worse, you didn't even do it on purpose! Aaagh, damn it!"

The cute leopard held his hair in frustration, angry little noises leaving his smaller form. His spotted tail was lashing out, but still playful to indicate his hidden mood.

He was adorable, I wanted to hug him.

My form froze, muscles tense.

What did I just think about?

Looking back at the young boy's form, the same urge bubbled up now tenfold.

I gulped.

It would be fine.

He was not them, nor him.

He was just Lixie, my sunshine and comforting light.

Yes, it would be fine. I… would be fine.

My shaking hands slowly rose, snaking their way towards the boy sitting slightly in front of me. They grabbed onto his thin -way too thin- waist and slowly dragged him into my chest, arms locking him in place gently. His sputtering and shouting died midway, form utterly tense and frozen.

Maybe he didn't like it.

I panicked, arms quickly unwinding, but before I could fully detach myself, he laid back into me with all his weight, quiet little purrs reverberating in his chest. His tail coiled around one of my legs, a silent disagreement against my doubts.

It was fine.

I was fine.

So, I carefully tightened my hold on him with slightly shaking arms, one of them finding its way into his golden locks, numbly playing with them as a distraction. God, they were incredibly smooth and silky, my fingers sailing through them easily. The purrs only strengthened, the notion calming and reassuring, filling up the void residing in my chest rapidly at last.

We just laid there even as the feline's breathing slowed, soft snores breaking his neverending purring. Even as my eyelids felt heavy and my body laid against the upper part of the bed, I fought fruitlessly against sleep.

I wanted to enjoy the moment just a bit longer.

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