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road-rhythm · 3 years

Note

That post you reblogged from me is super old and long, and you didn’t really engage with anything I said there, so if you want to discuss anything I’d rather start a new thing. Like, here. One thing I never brought up in that post is how people, myself included, will search for specific content by their tags. As in, tagging allows everyone to find things they are interested in more easily in addition to other discussed benefits. It’s also easy and quick to tag. I don’t get the hostility to it?

Sure, we can thread from here.

You didn't really engage with anything I said there

In responding to your original post, I singled out what I saw as the main source of communication failure: your incredulity that authors could ever want to restrict their readership. "[A]re you really saying," you asked, "[that] you want to limit your audience for this thing you put online for people to read?" The reasoning behind that rhetorical question appears to be: "If you make something available to everybody, you want it to be consumed by everybody"; or perhaps: "If you want any readers, you must want as many readers as possible."

Neither of those is true. People choose their audience all the time. You really can't not do it, because nothing is interesting to everybody, but even if you could, it should be pretty clear that lots of people will make a cost-benefit analysis that prefers a smaller audience to a large one simply from the fact that the most popular genres aren't the only ones that get written.

The "new" point in this ask, about tags as SEO, is driven by the same misapprehension. Sorry for the scare quotes: I'm not trying to be catty, but it is a bit like asking someone with a shaved head if they're aware their hair is short.

Authors understand that people search for stories using the tags, and that tagging specific content therefore makes their story easier to find and drives more traffic to it, especially long-term traffic. That's how we get stories tagged for pairings referenced once in a throwaway line (if that), and all the resultant complaints: authors are so aware of this that many of them tag-spam in the hope of garnering more engagement. We know that tagging widens reach.

So I say again:

Yes. I am really saying that sometimes I want to limit my audience to readers who are prepared to read at their own risk, and who have consented to seeing material that may surprise, offend, discomfit, disappoint, or indeed trigger them. I want readers who are not prepared to do that to take care of themselves by skipping the story. I want readers who click through on that warning even though they are not prepared to assume the risk and then lose their damn minds about what's on the other side to stop involving me in their self-harm.

By tagging CNtW, authors accept a trade-off. Why they consider the trade a net positive can vary. Some reasons might be excellent; some might be dumb. You don't seem likely to grant merit in any of them. But you don't have to endorse an author's motivations for opting for the blanket warning—not that anyone other than that author will truly know what those are—because…

(drum roll)

The "author chose not to use warnings" isn't helpful to someone like me at all.

Yes, it is. It helps you avoid harmful content.

What it does not help you do is assess and manage risks posed by a pool of potentially harmful content that you still want to engage with. It gives you what you need to protect yourself, but it doesn't give you what you need to access every piece of art you possibly could.

The first one is required by the social contract and common courtesy. The second one really has nothing to do with either of those.

Put another way:

If you try to hand us your chocolate chip cookie with peanuts in it and just say, "Yeah, this contains allergens," that's simply not enough info and we risk poisoning ourselves if we want to eat this cookie you're offering.

I'm not handing you the cookie. The cookie's sitting on a table in a box that says I make no assurances as to its safety, and I don't really care whether you eat it or not.

You're not obligated to tag appropriately [specific content] to the best of your ability, but you're also not obligated to be kind to people in general.

First off, tagging CNtW is, in 100% of cases, tagging appropriately. No other warning available on the Archive can boast that success rate. Now that's out of the way, you're looking for #9.

"But CNtW exposes people to all manner of things they never signed up for!" No, it doesn't. It couldn't, because they signed up for it by clicking through on the tag. (That's a draw for some of us, by the way.)

"But readers can't avoid what they don't know is present!" Yes, as a matter of fact, they can. This tag makes it possible. That is half the point of this tag.

So: we've established that CNtW does not expose the unwilling to content, but rather restricts content to the willing. By clicking through, you consent to the possibility of encountering anything that might otherwise be warned for. What, then, is the issue with it? Since it's not "inconsiderate and rude" on account of violating anybody's boundaries, I presume you're saying it's rude because it creates one. But if tagging CNtW is rude simply because not everyone can engage with it, why isn't tagging Rape/Non-Con equally rude? Not everyone can engage with that content, either. In fact, if not everybody can engage with it, isn't it rude for the content to exist in a public space at all? Isn't the only considerate and kind way to tell stories to tell ones that everyone can hear?

I understand that that's not what you're advocating. But CNtW content is already 100% avoidable, because it's tagged, so that can't be the problem with it. If the problem with it is instead that a subset of readers end up excluded, then trying to fix that problem goes bad places fast.

Back to the food allergy analogy

Must we?

[I]n this scenario, it's like there's a whole community of people who bake cookies and then offer them to strangers.

It really isn't.

I detest this food analogy. I am going to talk about why. Before that, though, I'm going to give it credit for getting one part of the analysis correct.

When fandom has tagging debates, it tends to conflate two distinct questions. With subtitles, or a ramp, or screen-reader compatible websites, what is at issue is whether someone can access the thing. All those provisions are means of access. This is what is usually meant when we ask about accessibility: how does someone access the thing? With food allergens, what is at issue is whether the thing is a thing someone can access. Or, really, not access, but consume. Can someone consume this without acute adverse consequences?

What "fic content = food allergens!" gets correct is that with fic, the question is whether the thing considered for consumption is a thing a given person can consume.* It's not whether they can access it. It's whether it has potential to harm them. People tend to ask these questions as if they were interchangeable in tagging debates, and they're not. They might be equally important, but they're not the same.

Regardless, the analogy between allergens and content is of limited utility, because fiction isn't food. Acting as though people's needs, desires, and behaviors around stories are comparable to those around food is disingenuous at best. We could tweak the metaphor to make it more apt: leaving cookies out on a table (in boxes! With warning labels!) is not the same as walking up to someone and urging them to eat one; your participation in the community is not contingent on eating any particular cookie (except perhaps the factory-brand ones that brought you all together in the first place—which are themselves being sold in supermarkets with deliberately incomplete information on the boxes). But ultimately, this exercise ends up not being very illuminating, because the things compared in it just aren't that similar in composition or consequence.

Fiction isn't food. We don't make it the same. We don't need it the same. We don't process it the same.

Fiction isn't food. Very few people would consider surprise or suspense essential to the experience of eating a cookie; very, very many do consider both of those essential to the experience of reading a story. Just because it's an element you're personally indifferent toward doesn't mean people who value it don't get to do the baking to meet their own needs.

Fiction isn't food. It's communication, and motivation for attempting this particular form of communication comes in a big, beautiful, unruly spectrum—even after you take money out of the equation by restricting this to fanfic. Some posters' uppermost priority is indeed reach and engagement. I've heard tell of authors who will go so far as to calculate their rate of kudos to hits and whatnot. That wouldn't be fun to me, but evidently for those folks it is fun, and I don't get to decide who's Doing Fandom Right. At the opposite end are people who aren't just indifferent to response, but inimical: these are the folks who celebrated when the feature to turn off comments completely went live on AO3, because they want no part of how others experience their work whatsoever.

In between, probably closer to the latter extreme than the first, you have a bunch of authors for whom any reader response is a (potentially) felicitous side-effect rather than the point. I'm somewhere in here. @lovetincture described posting fic in a way I liked very much: "Here is a thing that came out of my brain. You can look at it if you want."

For me personally, I think I take that second step—"You can look at it if you want"—in large part because my fic does reflect pieces of who I am that do not find expression in other parts of life, and I hope to feel seen. But I don't get any guarantees. Sometimes readers will comment in a way that makes me go, "Yes, that—you, too?" But sometimes I might get the dead opposite, even from readers who enjoyed their experience very much. The first outcome is of course more satisfying; but at the same time, part of the reward of posting a story for me lies in accepting that people will take different things from it, seeing the different things people take from it, watching the fact play out, over and over again, that human communication is so much more complicated than binary success or failure.

Granola bars seldom do any of that.

[Tagging specific content] takes a matter of seconds and no effort from you…. It's… easy and quick to tag.

Sometimes that will be true. Sometimes it won't. If it's true for you and tagging is compatible with your reasons for writing and posting, then knock yourself out. Any time tagging is a net positive for you, obviously tag. If tagging presents equal cost and advantage, flip a coin. But it is not correct that tagging is "easy and quick" for everyone or reliably requires "no effort."

Here is a non-exhaustive list of costs fanfic authors on AO3 might see in tagging specific content:

tags are reductive

author wants story to unfold for readers with as few externally generated expectations as possible (whether or not any "twists" are involved); tagging necessarily undermines this

author doesn't trust their own judgment of which tags best apply or what content needs tagging in the first place (because although you assert that everybody knows "what people are commonly triggered by just like you know what people are commonly allergic to," a) not everyone actually does agree on what topics are taboo or generally distressing; b) as tends to happen with racism and dubcon, even when people do agree on what categories are distressing, it's quite possible for authors not to notice they've written something that belongs in one of those categories; and c) personally, I wouldn't place too much confidence in the general public's familiarity with allergens either)

author genuinely has not a damn clue how to tag something

author doesn't want to get bitched out if people decide they tagged something wrong

author has a lot of inhibitions around creating and sharing work generally and wants posting to be absolutely as easy as possible to get themselves over that threshold; has perhaps selected AO3 as an archive whose terms of service are suitable to their needs in this direction

author knows antis sometimes trawl tags in search of controversial content specifically in order to harass the authors

author straight-up doesn't want to fuck with it

author considers that tagging extensively creates a fiduciary duty of which they want no goddamned part, and does not want to be perceived as offering a guarantee of safety with regard to this thing that came out of their brain

Et cetera.

And maybe a lot of the time the cost of comprehensive tagging will be small, even negligible. I get the temptation to dismiss balking at such a cost as pettiness or self-importance. But you don't get to call any reason, however slight, a fic author chooses to opt out of comprehensive tags "making a fuss" while calling anything less than maximal access to all fic you might want to read "inconsiderate and rude."

What I infer, from your readiness to equate marking fanfiction "read at your own risk" with criminally negligent poisoning, is that you are less attached to the contention that tagging costs nothing than you are to the belief that it doesn't matter how much it costs. Explaining all the ways tagging the way you want might cost someone something is pointless if you don't actually care. And of course you're not going to care if you're operating on the assumption that your needs are more important than anyone else's.

Either fic is important enough that it's a genuine bummer to have to miss some of it or fic is too trivial for any of this to matter. Pick one.

[P]eople, myself included, will search for specific content by their tags. As in, tagging allows everyone to find things they are interested in more easily in addition to other discussed benefits.

And as noted up top, this is a major reason why many authors cheerfully elect to do it. Which is great. If you want people to be able to find your stories more easily and you perceive no costs that outweigh that benefit, then this is the way to go.

But costs can be significant. I'm not going to repeat the whole list I just made, but I do want to emphasize that discoverability is itself double-edged. Yes, good SEO means more interested readers can find your story. However, sometimes authors actively prefer that their content be harder to find. This is because antis will pore over tags they find objectionable so that they can harass people for writing the content. It gets nasty sometimes; there was some college kid a few months back whom antis outed to her family for writing Wincest. Fortunately the family member didn't care, but the girl still ended up in the fucking hospital over it. The anti that doxxed her gloated. So not everybody wants their shit to be easy to find, and I don't blame them.

"Oh, but I wanted the peanuts to be a surprise." Yeah, thanks, now I can't breathe.

And when I pry your jaws open and cram the cookie down your gullet, that will be my fault.

(Fic still won’t be a fucking cookie, though.)

The contempt that expressing any kind of desire to surprise an audience can earn you lately is… well, it's really something. The demonization of surprise, suspense, and subverted expectations within fandom is fascinating to me, and will eventually get its own post; but as far as its bearing on CNtW/read at your own risk, the root issue is that arguments against CNtW are grounded in the assumption that everybody Does Fandom the same way. That's the assumption that says that everybody obviously must need x, because nobody could possibly need y.

"Nobody reads fanfic to be surprised, or discomfited, or to have their expectations violated. Well, they do, but only because they have execrable taste. If they were as refined as I am, they'd understand that watching a story unfold without knowing what's going to happen is but a low pleasure for the intellectually inferior. If they were as morally educated as I am, they'd understand that certain topics are too serious to be 'sprung on readers' for 'shock value.' They'd understand that what they want out of fandom not only doesn't deserve to have provision made for it with a compromise that takes the form of an easily filterable tag, but actually makes them assholes."

Well, like it or not, everybody doesn't Do Fandom the same way. People don't all read or write for the same reasons. Most individuals don't read or write for the same reasons from one day to the next, for that matter. For some fans, knowing exactly what they're getting into is vital; for others, not knowing is equally vital. The latter really do prefer reading with as little information as possible. They absolutely do consider specific tags to be spoilers and dislike comprehensive tagging for this reason. I've seen people complain of as much. What I haven't seen is those readers harassing authors who elect to tag or leveling accusations of "poisoning" or "anti-vaxxing" at anyone for failing to cater to them.

It's almost like they recognize that it's the author's right to present this thing that came out of their brain the way they want, or something.

I don't get the hostility to it?

The hostility is not to anybody tagging comprehensively if it suits them. The hostility is to anybody it doesn't suit getting harassed. The hostility is to readers who can't handle the results ignoring the "read at your own risk" tag and then laying their trauma at authors' feet. The hostility is to getting told posting fanfiction with a clear and easily excludable warning on it is a crime on par with assault or poisoning.

I would even speculate that those experiences are occasionally triggering, and the people doing the harassing sure as hell aren't tagging their hate with something easy to filter.

————————————————————

*Most of the time (or at least, the vast majority of the debate is framed around this). In fact, sometimes content information about fiction can change whether someone is able to consume it. In that sense, it starts to look a bit more like subtitles or a ramp. But in order to treat tags as comparable to a ramp, a means by which you access the work, you have to separate them from the work. They are not separate. They're part of it. Presentation matters. If it didn't, no one would get reminded not to write their résumé in Comic Sans. If it didn't, no one would pay professionals to write blurbs on books. If it didn't, no one would be arguing about this in the first place.

Also, the fact that content information about fiction can change whether someone is able to consume it just further underscores that we're talking about a thing fundamentally dissimilar to food, inasmuch as mentally bracing yourself for peanuts won't take the edge off your anaphylactic shock.

#asks #fandom meta #CNtW #Chose Not to Warn tag #AO3 warnings #tagging #tagging and morality #fandom purity culture #discourse for ts #long post is long

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armageddon-generation · 3 years

Text

Articulating Why His Dark Materials is Badly Written

A long essay-thing with lots of specific examples and explanations of why I feel this way. Hopefully I’ve kept fanboy bitching to a minimum.

This isn’t an attack on fans of the show, nor a personal attack on Jack Thorne. I’m not looking to ruin anyone’s enjoyment of the show, I just needed to properly articulate, with examples, why I struggle with it. I read and love the books and that colours my view, but I believe that HDM isn’t just a clumsy, at-best-functional, sometimes incompetent adaptation, it’s a bad TV show separate from its source material. The show is the blandest, least interesting and least engaging version of itself it could be.

His Dark Materials has gorgeous production design and phenomenal visual effects. It's well-acted. The score is great. But my god is it badly written. Jack Thorne writing the entire first season damned the show. There was no-one to balance out his flaws and biases. Thorne is checking off a list of plot-points, so concerned with manoeuvring the audience through the story he forgets to invest us in it. The scripts are mechanical, empty, flat.

Watching HDM feels like an impassioned fan earnestly lecturing you on why the books are so good- (Look! It's got other worlds and religious allegory and this character Lyra is really, really important I swear. Isn't Mrs Coulter crazy? The Gyptians are my favourites.) rather than someone telling the story naturally.

My problems fall into 5 main categories:

Exposition- An unwillingness to meaningfully expand the source material for a visual medium means Thorne tells and doesn't show crucial plot-points. He then repeats the same thing multiple times because he doesn't trust his audience

Pacing- By stretching out the books and not trusting his audience Thorne dedicates entire scenes to one piece of information and repeats himself constantly (see: the Witches' repetition of the prophecy in S2).

Narrative priorities- Thorne prioritises human drama over fantasy. This makes sense budgetarily, but leads to barely-present Daemons, the Gyptians taking up too much screentime, rushed/badly written Witches (superpowers, exposition) and Bears (armourless bear fight), and a Lyra more focused on familial angst than the joy of discovery

Tension and Mystery- because HDM is in such a hurry to set up its endgame it gives you the answers to S1's biggest mysteries immediately- other worlds, Lyra's parents, what happens to the kids etc. This makes the show less engaging and feel like it's playing catch-up to the audience, not the other way around.

Tonal Inconsistency- HDM tries to be a slow-paced, grounded, adult drama, but its blunt, simplistic dialogue and storytelling methods treat the audience like children that need to be lectured.

MYSTERY, SUSPENSE AND INTRIGUE

The show undercuts all the books’ biggest mysteries. Mrs Coulter is set up as a villain before we meet her, other worlds are revealed in 1x2, Lyra's parents by 1x3, what the Magesterium do to kids is spelled out long before Lyra finds Billy (1x2). I understand not wanting to lose new viewers, but neutering every mystery kills momentum and makes the show much less engaging.

This extends to worldbuilding. The text before 1x1 explains both Daemons and Lyra's destiny before we meet her. Instead of encouraging us to engage with the world and ask questions, we're given all the answers up front and told to sit back and let ourselves be spoon-fed. The viewer is never an active participant, never encouraged to theorise or wonder

Intrigue motivated you to engage with Pullman's philosophical themes and concepts. Without it, HDM feels like a lecture, a theme park ride and not a journey.

The only one of S1's mysteries left undiminished is 'what is Dust?', which won't be properly answered until S3, and that answer is super conceptual and therefore hard to make dramatically satisfying

TONAL INCONSISTENCY

HDM billed itself as a HBO-level drama, and was advertised as a GoT inheritor. It takes itself very seriously- the few attempts at humour are stilted and out of place

The production design is deliberately subdued, most notably choosing a mid-twentieth century aesthetic for Lyra’s world over the late-Victorian of the books or steampunk of the movie. The colour grading would be appropriate for a serious adult drama.

Reviewers have said this stops the show feeling as fantastical as it should. It also makes Lyra’s world less distinct from our own.

Most importantly, minimising the wondrous fantasy of S1 neuters its contrast with the escalating thematic darkness of the finale (from 1x5 onwards), and the impact of Roger’s death. Pullman's books are an adult story told through the eyes of a child. Lyra’s innocence and naivety in the first book is the most important journey of the trilogy. Instead, the show starts serious and thematically heavy (we’re told Lyra has world-saving importance before we even meet her) and stays that way.

Contrasting the serious tone, grounded design and poe-faced characters, the dialogue is written to cater to children. It’s horrendously blunt and pulls you out of scenes. Subtext is obliterated at every opportunity. Even in the most recent episode, 2x7, Pan asks Lyra ‘do you think you’re changing because of Will?’

I cannot understate how on the nose this line is, and how much it undercuts the themes of the final book. Instead of even a meaningful shot of Lyra looking at Will, the show treats the audience like complete idiots.

So, HDM looks and advertises itself like an adult drama and is desperate to be taken seriously by wearing its big themes on its sleeve from the start instead of letting them evolve naturally out of subtext like the books, and dedicating lots of scenes to Mrs Coulter's self-abuse

At the same time its dialogue and character writing is comparable to the Star Wars prequels, more childish than media aimed at a similar audience - Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Avatar the Last Airbender etc

DAEMONS

The show gives itself a safety net by explaining Daemons in an opening text-crawl, and so spends less time showing the mechanics of the Daemon-human bond. On the HDM subreddit, I’ve seen multiple people get to 1x5 or 6, and then come to reddit asking basic questions like ‘why do only some people have Daemons?’ or ‘Why are Daemons so important?’.

It’s not that the show didn’t answer these questions; it was in the opening text-crawl. It’s just the show thinks telling you is enough and never shows evidence to back that up. Watching a TV show you remember what you’re shown much easier than what you’re told

The emotional core of Northern Lights is the relationship between Lyra and Pan. The emotional core of HDM S1 is the relationship between Lyra and Mrs Coulter. This wouldn't be bad- it's a fascinating dynamic Ruth plays wonderfully- if it didn't override the Daemons

Daemons are only onscreen when they serve a narrative purpose. Thorne justifies this because the books only describe Daemons when they tell us about their human. On the page your brain fills the Daemons in. This doesn't work on-screen; you cannot suspend your disbelief when their absence is staring you in the face

Thorne clarified the number of Daemons as not just budgetary, but a conscious creative choice to avoid onscreen clutter. This improved in S2 after vocal criticism.

Mrs Coulter/the Golden Monkey and Lee/Hester have well-drawn relationships in S1, but Pan and Lyra hug more in the 2-hour Golden Compass movie than they do in the 8-hour S1 of HDM. There's barely any physical contact with Daemons at all.

They even cut Pan and Lyra's hug after escaping the Cut in Bolvangar. In the book they can't let go of each other. The show skips it completely because Thorne wants to focus on Mrs Coulter and Lyra.

They cut Pan and Lyra testing how far apart they can be. They cut Lyra freeing the Cut Daemons in Bolvangar with the help of Kaisa. We spent extra time with both Roger and Billy Costa, but didn't develop their bonds with their Daemons- the perfect way to make the Cut more impactful

I don't need every single book scene in the show, but notice that all these cut scenes reinforced how important Daemons are. For how plodding the show is. you'd think they could spare time for these moments instead of inventing new conversations that tell us the information they show

Daemons are treated as separate beings and thus come across more like talking pets than part of a character

The show sets the rules of Daemons up poorly. In 1x2, Lyra is terrified by the Monkey being so far from Coulter, but the viewer has nothing to compare it to. We’re retroactively told in that this is unnatural when the show has yet to establish what ‘natural’ is.

The guillotine blueprint in 1x2 (‘Is that a human and his Daemon, Pan? It looks like it.’ / ‘A blade. To cut what?’) is idiotic. It deflates S1’s main mystery and makes the characters look stupid for not figuring out what they aren’t allowed to until they did in the source material, it also interferes with how the audience sees Daemons. In the book, Cutting isn’t revealed until two-thirds of the way in (1x5). By then we’ve spent a lot of time with Daemons, they’ve become a background part of the world, their ‘rules’ have been established, and we’re endeared to them.

By showing the Guillotine and putting Daemons under threat in the second episode, the show never lets us grow attached. This, combined with their selective presence in scenes, draws attention to Daemons as a plot gimmick and not a natural extension of characters. Like Lyra, the show tells us why Daemons are important before we understand them.

Billy Costa's fate falls flat. It's missing the dried fish/ fake Daemon Tony Markos clings to in the book. Thorne said this 'didn't work' on the day, but it worked in the film. Everyone yelling about Billy not having a Daemon is laughable when most of the background extras in the same scene don't have Daemons themselves

WITCHES

The Witches are the most common complaint about the show. Thorne changed Serafina Pekkala in clever, logical ways (her short hair, wrist-knives and cloud pine in the skin)

The problem is how Serafina is written. The Witches are purely exposition machines. We get no impression of their culture, their deep connection to nature, their understanding of the world. We are told it. It is never shown, never incorporated into the dramatic action of the show.

Thorne emphasises Serafina's warrior side, most obviously changing Kaisa from a goose into a gyrfalcon (apparently a goose didn't work on-screen)

Serafina single-handedly slaughtering the Tartars is bad in a few ways. It paints her as bloodthirsty and ruthless. Overpowering the Witches weakens the logic of the world (If they can do that, why do they let the Magesterium bomb them unchallenged in 2x2?). It strips the Witches of their subtlety and ambiguity for the sake of cinematic action.

A side-effect of Serafina not being with her clan at Bolvangar is limiting our exposure to the Witches. Serafina is the only one invested in the main plot, we only hear about them from what she tells us. This poor set-up weakens the Witch subplot in S2

Lyra doesn’t speak to Serafina until 2x6. She laid eyes on her once in S1.

The dialogue in the S2’s Witch subplot is comparable to the Courasant section of The Phantom Menace.

Two named characters, neither with any depth (Serafina and Coram's dead son developed him far more than her). The costumes look ostentatious and hokey- the opposite of what the Witches should be. They do nothing but repeat the same exposition at each other, even in 2x7.

We feel nothing when the Witches are bombed because the show never invests us in what is being destroyed- with the amount of time wasted on long establishing shots, there’s not one when Lee Scoresby is talking to the Council.

BEARS

Like the Witches; Thorne misunderstands and rushes the fantasy elements of the story. The 2007 movie executed both Iofur's character and the Bear Fight much better than the show- bloodless jaw-swipe and all

Iofur's court was not the parody of human court in the books. He didn't have his fake-Daemon (hi, Billy)

An armourless bear fight is like not including Pan in the cutting scene. After equating Iorek's armour to a Daemon (Lee does this- we don’t even learn how important it is from Iorek himself, and the comparison meant less because of how badly the show set up Daemons) the show then cuts the plotpoint that makes the armour plot-relevant. This diminishes all of Bear society. Like Daemons, we're told Iorek's armour is important but it's never shown to be more than a cool accessory

GYPTIANS

Gyptians suffer from Hermoine syndrome. Harry Potter screenwriter Steve Kloves' favourite character was Hermione, and so Film!Hermoine lost most of Book!Hermoine's flaws and gained several of Book!Ron's best moments. The Gyptians are Jack Thorne's favourite group in HDM and so they got the extra screentime and development that the more complicated groups/concepts like Witches, Bears, and Daemons (which, unlike the Gyptians, carry over to other seasons amd are more important to the overall story) needed

At the same time, he changes them from a private people into an Isle of Misfit Toys. TV!Ma Costa promises they'll ‘make a Gyptian woman out of Lyra yet’, but in the book Ma specifically calls Lyra out for pretending to be Gyptian, and reminds her she never can be.

This small moment indicates how, while trying to make the show more grounded and 'adult', Thorne simultaneously made it more saccharine and sentimental. He neuters the tragedy of the Cut kids when Ma Costa says they’ll become Gyptians. Pullman's books feel like an adult story told through the eyes of a child. The TV show feels like a child's story masquerading as a serious drama.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA

Let me preface this by saying I genuinely really enjoy the performances in the show. It was shot in the foot by The Golden Compass' perfect casting.

The most contentious/'miscast' actor among readers is LMM. Thorne ditched the books' wise Texan for a budget Han Solo. LMM isn't a great dramatic actor (even in Hamilton he was the weak link performance-wise) but he makes up for it in marketability- lots of people tried the show because of him

Readers dislike that LMM's Lee is a thief and a scoundrel, when book-Lee is so moral he and Hester argue about stealing. Personally, I like the change in concept. Book!Lee's parental love for Lyra just appears. It's sweet, but not tied to a character arc. Done right, Lyra out-hustling Lee at his own game and giving him a noble cause to fight for (thus inspiring the moral compass of the books) is a more compelling arc.

DAFNE KEENE AND LYRA

I thought Dafne would be perfect casting. Her feral energy in Logan seemed a match made in heaven. Then Jack Thorne gave her little to do with it.

Compare how The Golden Compass introduced Lyra, playing Kids and Gobblers with a group of Gyptian kids, including Billy Costa. Lyra and Roger are chased to Jordan by the Gyptians and she makes up a lie about a curse to scare the Gyptians away.

In one scene the movie set up: 1) the Gobblers (the first we hear of them in the show is in retrospect, Roger worrying AFTER Billy is taken) 2) Lyra’s pre-existing relationship with the Gyptians (not in the show), 3) Friendship with Billy Costa (not in the book or show) 4) Lyra’s ability to befriend and lead groups of people, especially kids, and 5) Lyra’s ability to lie impressively

By comparison, it takes until midway through 1x2 for TV!Lyra to tell her first lie, and even then it’s a paper-thin attempt.

The show made Roger Lyra’s only friend. This artificially heightens the impact of Roger's death, but strips Lyra of her leadership qualities and ability to befriend anyone.

Harry Potter fans talk about how Book!Harry is funnier and smarter than Film!Harry. They cut his best lines ('There's no need to call me sir, Professor') and made him blander and more passive. The same happened to Lyra.

Most importantly, Lyra is not allowed to lie for fun. She can't do anything 'naughty' without being scolded. This colours the few times Lyra does lie (e.g. to Mrs Coulter in 1x2) negatively and thus makes Lyra out to be more of a brat than a hero.

This is a problem with telling Northern Lights from an outside, 'adult' perspective- to most adults Lyra is a brat. Because we’re introduced to her from inside her head, we think she's great. It's only when we meet her through Will's eyes in The Subtle Knife and she's filthy, rude and half-starved that we realise Lyra bluffs her way through life and is actually pretty non-functional

Thorne prioritises grounded human drama over fantasy, and so his Lyra has her love of bears and witches swapped for familial angst. (and, in S2. angst over Roger). By exposing Mrs Coulter as her mother early, Thorne distracts TV!Lyra from Book!Lyra’s love of the North. The contrast between wonder and reality made NL's ending a definitive threshold between innocence and knowledge. Thorne showed his hand too early.

Similarly, TV!Lyra doesn’t have anywhere near as strong an admiration for Lord Asriel. She calls him out in 1x8 (‘call yourself a Father’), which Book!Lyra never would because she’s proud to be his child. From her perspective, at this point Asriel is the good parent.

TV!Lyra’s critique of Asriel feels like Thorne using her as a mouthpiece to voice his own, adult perspective on the situation. Because Lyra is already disappointed in Asriel, his betrayal in the finale isn’t as effective. Pullman saves the ‘you’re a terrible Father’ call-out for the 3rd book for a reason; Lyra’s naive hero-worship of Asriel in Northern Lights makes the fall from Innocence into Knowledge that Roger’s death represents more effective.

So, on TV Lyra is tamer, angstier, more introverted, less intelligent, less fun and more serious. We're just constantly told she's important, even before we meet her.

MRS COULTER (AND LORD ASRIEL)

Mrs Coulter is the main character of the show. Not Lyra. Mrs Coulter was cast first, and Lyra was cast based on a chemistry test with Ruth Wilson. Coulter’s character is given lots of extra development, where the show actively strips Lyra of her layers.

To be clear, I have no problem with developing Mrs Coulter. She is a great character Ruth Wilson plays phenomenally. I do have a problem with the show fixating on her at the expense of other characters.

Lyra's feral-ness is given to her parents. Wilson and McAvoy are more passionate than in the books. This is fun to watch, but strips them of subtlety- you never get Book!Coulter's hypnotic allure from Wilson, she's openly nasty, even to random strangers (in 2x3 her dismissal of the woman at the hotel desk felt like a Disney villain).

Compare how The Golden Compass (2007) introduced Mrs Coulter through Lyra’s eyes, with light, twinkling music and a sparkling dress. By contrast, before the show introduces Coulter it tells us she’s associated with the evil Magisterium plotting Asriel’s death- “Not a word to any of our mutual friends. Including her.” Then she’s introduced striding down a corridor to imposing ‘Bad Guy’ strings.

Making Mrs Coulter’s villainy so obvious so early makes Lyra look dumber for falling for it. It also wastes an interesting phase of her character arc. Coulter is rushed into being a ’conflicted evil mother’ in 2 episodes, and stays in that phase for the rest of the show so far. Character progression is minimised because she circles the same place.

It makes her one-note. It's a good note (so much of the positive online chatter is saphiccs worshiping Ruth Wilson) but the show also worships her to the point of hindrance- e.g. take a shot every time Coulter walks slow-motion down a corridor in 2x2

The problem isn’t the performances, but how prematurely they give the game away. Just like the mysteries around Bolvangar and Lyra’s parentage. Neither Coulter or Asriel have much chance to use their 'public' faces.

This is part of a bigger pacing problem- instead of rolling plot points out gradually, Thorne will stick the solution in front of you early and then stall for time until it becomes relevant. Instead of building tension this builds frustration and makes the show feel like it's catching up to the audience. This also makes the characters less engaging. You've already shown Mrs Coulter is evil/Boreal is in our world/Asriel wants Roger. Why are you taking so long getting to the point?

PACING AND EDITING

This show takes forever to make its point badly.

Scenes in HDM tend to operate on one level- either 'Character Building,' 'Exposition,' or 'Plot Progression'.

E.g. Mary's introduction in 2x2. Book!Mary only listens to Lyra because she’s sleep and caffeine-deprived and desperate because her funding is being cut. But the show stripped that subtext out and created an extra scene of a colleague talking to Mary about funding. They removed emotional subtext to focus on exposition, and so the scene felt empty and flat.

In later episodes characters Mary’s sister and colleagues do treat her like a sleep-deprived wreck. But, just like Lyra’s lying, the show doesn’t establish these characteristics in her debut episode. It waits until later to retroactively tell us they were there. Mary’s colleague saying ‘What we’re dealing with here is the fact that you haven’t slept in weeks’ is as flimsy as Pan joking not lying to Mary will be hard for Lyra.

Rarely does a scene work on multiple levels, and if it does it's clunky- see the exposition dump about Daemon Separation in the middle of 2x2's Witch Trial.

He also splits plot progression into tiny doses, which destroys pacing. It's more satisfying to focus on one subplot advancing multiple stages than all of them shuffling forward half a step each episode.

Subplots would be more effective if all the scenes played in sequence. As it is, plotlines can’t build momentum and literal minutes are wasted using the same establishing shots every time we switch location.

The best-structured episodes of S1 are 1x4, 1x6, and 1x8. This is because they have the fewest subplots (incidentally these episodes have least Boreal in them) and so the main plot isn’t diluted by constantly cutting away to Mrs Coulter sniffing Lyra’s coat or Will watching a man in a car through his window, before cutting back again.

The best-written episode so far is 2x5. The Scholar. Tellingly, it’s the only episode Thorne doesn’t have even a co-writing credit on. 2x5 is well-paced, its dialogue is more naturalistic, it’s more focused, it even has time for moments of whimsy (Monkey with a seatbelt, Mrs Coulter with jeans, Lyra and Will whispering) that don’t detract from the story.

Structurally, 2x5 works because A) it benches Lee’s plotline. B) The Witches and Magisterium are relegated to a scene each. And C) the Coulter/Boreal and Lyra/Will subplots move towards the same goal. Not only that, but when we check in on Mary’s subplot it’s through Mrs Coulter’s eyes and directly dovetails into the main action of the episode.

2x5 has a lovely sense of narrative cohesion because it has the confidence to sit with one set of characters for longer than two scenes at a time.

HDM also does this thing where it will have a scene with plot A where characters do or talk about something, cut away to plot B for a scene, then cut back to plot A where the characters talk about what happened in their last scene and painstakingly explain how they feel about it and why

Example: Pan talking to Will in 2x7 while Lyra pretends to be asleep. This scene is from the 3rd book, and is left to breathe for many chapters before Lyra brings it up. In the show after the Will/Pan scene they cut away to another scene, then cut back and Lyra instantly talks about it.

There’s the same problem in 2x5: After escaping Mrs Coulter, Lyra spells out how she feels about acting like her

The show never leaves room for implication, never lets us draw our own conclusions before explaining what it meant and how the characters feel about it immediately afterwards. The audience are made passive in their engagement with the characters as well as the world

LORD BOREAL, JOHN PARRY AND DIMINISHING RETURNS

At first, Boreal’s subplot in S1 felt bold and inspired. The twist of his identity in The Subtle Knife would've been hard to pull off onscreen anyway. As a kid I struggled to get past Will's opening chapter of TSK and I have friends who were the same. Introducing Will in S1 and developing him alongside Lyra was a great idea.

I loved developing Elaine Parry and Boreal into present, active characters. But the subplot was introduced too early and moved too slowly, bogging down the season.

In 1x2 Boreal crosses. In 1x3 we learn who he's looking for. In 1x5 we meet Will. In 1x7 the burglary. 1 episode worth of plot is chopped up and fed to us piecemeal across many. Boreal literally stalls for two episodes before the burglary- there are random 30 second shots of him sitting in a car watching John Parry on YouTube (videos we’d already seen) completely isolated from any other scenes in the episode

By the time we get to S2 we've had 2 seasons of extended material building up Boreal, so when he just dies like in the books it's anticlimactic. The show frontloads his subplot with meaning without expanding on its payoff, so the whole thing fizzles out.

Giving Boreal, the secondary villain in literally every episode, the same death as a background character in about 5 scenes in the novels feels cheap. It doesn’t help that, after 2x5 built the tension between Coulter and Boreal so well, as soon as Thorne is passed the baton in 2x6 he does little to maintain that momentum. Again, because the subplot is crosscut with everything else the characters hang in limbo until Coulter decides to kill him.

I’ve been watching non-book readers react to the show, and several were underwhelmed by Boreal’s quick, unceremonious end.

Similarly, the show builds up John Parry from 1x3 instead of just the second book. Book!John’s death is an anticlimax but feels narratively justified. In the show, we’ve spent so much extra time talking about him and then being with him (without developing his character beyond what’s in the novels- Pullman even outlined John’s backstory in The Subtle Knife’s appendix. How hard would it be to add a flashback or two?) that when John does nothing in the show and then dies (he doesn’t even heal Will’s fingers like in the book- only tell him to find Asriel, which the angels Baruch and Balthamos do anyway) it doesn’t feel like a clever, tragic subversion of our expectations, it feels like a waste that actively cheapens the audience’s investment.

TL;DR giving supporting characters way more screentime than they need only, to give their deaths the same weight the books did after far less build up makes huge chunks of the show feel less important than they were presented to be.

FRUSTRATINGLY LIMITED EXPANSION AND NOVELLISTIC STORYTELLING

Thorne is unwilling to meaningfully develop or expand characters and subplots to fit a visual medium. He introduces a plot-point, invents unnecessary padding around it, circles it for an hour, then moves on.

Pullman’s books are driven by internal monologue and big, complex theological concepts like Daemons and Dust. Instead of finding engaging, dynamic ways to dramatise these concepts through the actions of characters or additions to the plot, Thorne turns Pullman’s internal monologue into dialogue and has the characters explain them to the audience

The novels’ perspective on its characters is narrow, first because Northern Lights is told only from Lyra’s POV, and second because Pullman’s writing is plot-driven, not character-driven. Characters are vessels for the plot and themes he wants to explore.

This is a fine way of writing novels. When adapting the books into a longform drama, Thorne decentralised Lyra’s perspective from the start, and HDM S1 uses the same multi-perspective structure that The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass do, following not only Lyra but the Gyptians, Mrs Coulter, Boreal, Will and Elaine etc

However, these other perspectives are limited. We never get any impression of backstory or motivation beyond the present moment. Many times I’ve seen non-book readers confused or frustrated by vague or non-existent character motivations.

For example, S1 spends a lot of time focused on Ma Costa’s grief over Billy’s disappearance, but we never see why she’s sad, because we never saw her interact with Billy.

Compare this to another show about a frantic mother and older brother looking for a missing boy. Stranger Things uses only two flashbacks to show us Will Byers’ relationships with his family: 1) When Joyce Byers looks in his Fort she remembers visiting Will there. 2) The Clash playing on the radio reminds Jonathan Byers of introducing Will to the song.

In His Dark Materials we never see the Costas as a happy family- 1x1’s Gyptian ceremony focuses on Tony and Daemon-exposition. Billy never speaks to his mum or brother in the show

Instead we have Ma Costa’s empty grief. The audience has to do the work (the bad kind) imagining what she’s lost. Instead of seeing Billy, it’s just repeated again and again that they will get the children back.

If we’re being derivative, HDM had the chance to segway into a Billy flashback when John Faa brings one of his belongings back from a Gobbler safehouse in 1x2. This is a perfect The Clash/Fort Byers-type trigger. It doesn’t have to be long- the Clash flashback lasted 1:27, the Fort Byers one 55 seconds. Just do something.

1x3 beats into us that Mrs Coulter is nuts without explaining why. Lots of build-up for a single plot-point. Then we're told Mrs Coulter's origin, not shown. This is a TV show. Swap Boreal's scenes for flashbacks of Coulter and Asriel's affair. Then, when Ma Costa tells Lyra the truth, show the fight between Edward Coulter and Asriel.

To be clear, Thorne's additions aren’t fundamentally bad. For example, Will boxing sets up his struggle with violence. But it's wasted. The burglary/murder in 1x7 fell flat because of bad editing, but the show never uses its visual medium to show Will's 'violent side'- no change in camera angle, focus, or sound design, nothing. It’s just a thing that’s there, unsupported by the visual language of the show

The Magisterium scenes in 2x2 were interesting. We just didn't need 5 of them; their point could be made far more succinctly.

In 2x6 there is a minute-long scene of Mary reading the I Ching. Later, there is another scene of Angelica watching Mary sitting somewhere different, doing the SAME THING, and she sees an Angel. Why split these up? It’s not like either the I Ching or the Angels are being introduced here. Give the scene multiple layers.

Thorne either takes good character moments from the books (Lyra/Will in 2x1) or uses heavy-handed exposition that reiterates the same point multiple times. This hobbles the Witches (their dialogue in 2x1, 2 and 3 literally rephrases the same sentiment about protecting Lyra without doing anything). Even character development- see Lee monologuing his and Mrs Coulter's childhood trauma in specific detail in 2x3

This is another example of Thorne adding something, but instead of integrating it into the dramatic action and showing us, it’s just talked about. What’s the point of adding big plot points if you don’t dramatise them in your dramatic, visual medium? In 2x8, Lee offhandedly mentions playing Alamo Gulch as a kid.

I’m literally screaming, Jack, why the flying fuck wasn’t there a flashback of young Lee and Hester playing Alamo Gulch and being stopped by his abusive dad? It’s not like you care about pacing with the amount of dead air in these episodes, even when S2’s run 10 minutes shorter than S1’s. Lee was even asleep at the beginning of 2x3, Jack! He could’ve woken from a nightmare about his childhood! It’s a little lazy, but better than nothing.

There’s a similar missed opportunity making Dr Lanselius a Witchling. If this idea had been introduced with the character in 1x4, it would’ve opened up so many storytelling possibilities. Linking to Fader Coram’s own dead witchling son. It could’ve given us that much-needed perspective on Witch culture. Imagine Lanselius’ bittersweet meeting with his ageless mother, who gave him up when he reached manhood. Then, when the Magisterium bombs the Witches in 2x2, Lanselius’ mother dies so it means something.

Instead it’s only used to facilitate an awkward exposition dump in the middle of a trial.

The point of this fanfic-y ramble is to illustrate my frustration with the additions; If Thorne had committed and meaningfully expanded and interwoven them with the source material, they could’ve strengthened its weakest aspect (the characters). But instead he stays committed to novelistic storytelling techniques of monologue and two people standing in a room talking at each other

(Seriously, count the number of scenes that are just two people standing in a room or corridor talking to each other. No interesting staging, the characters aren’t doing anything else while talking. They. Just. Stand.)

SEASON 2 IMPROVEMENTS

S2 improved some things- Lyra's characterisation was more book-accurate, her dynamic with Will was wonderful. Citigazze looked incredible. LMM won lots of book fans over as Lee. Mary was brilliantly cast. Now there are less Daemons, they're better characterised- Pan gets way more to do now and Hester had some lovely moments.

I genuinely believe 2x1, 2x3, 2x4 and 2x5 are the best HDM has been.

But new problems arose. The Subtle Knife lost the central, easy to understand drive of Northern Lights (finding the missing kids) for lots of smaller quests. As a result, everyone spends the first two episodes of S2 waiting for the plot to arrive. The big inciting incident of Lyra’s plotline is the theft of the alethiometer, which doesn’t happen until 2x3. Similarly, Lee doesn’t search for John until 2x3. Mrs Coulter doesn’t go looking for Lyra until 2x3.

On top of missing a unifying dramatic drive, the characters now being split across 3 worlds, instead of the 1+a bit of ours in S1, means the pacing/crosscutting problems (long establishing shots, repetition of information, undercutting momentum) are even worse. The narrative feels scattered and incohesive.

These flaws are inherent to the source material and are not the show’s fault, but neither does it do much to counterbalance or address them, and the flaws of the show combine with the difficulties of TSK as source material and make each other worse.

A lot of this has been entitled fanboy bitching, but you can't deny the show is in a bad place ratings-wise. It’s gone from the most watched new British show in 5 years to the S2 premiere having a smaller audience than the lowest-rated episode of Doctor Who Series 12. For comparison, DW's current cast and showrunner are the most unpopular since the 80s, some are actively boycotting it, it took a year-long break between series 11 and 12, had its second-worst average ratings since 2005, and costs a fifth of what HDM does to make. And it's still being watched by more people.

Critical consensus fluctuates wildly. Most laymen call the show slow and boring. The show is simultaneously too niche and self-absorbed to attract a wide audience and gets just enough wrong to aggravate lots of fans.

I’m honestly unsure if S3 will get the same budget. I want it to, if only because of my investment in the books. Considering S2 started filming immediately after S1 aired, I think they've had a lot more time to process and apply critique for S3. On the plus side, there's so much plot in The Amber Spyglass it would be hard to have the same pacing problems. But also so many new concepts that I dread the exposition dumps.

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logo-dojo · 3 years

Text

I'm listening to a riding on a "carriage ride through the woods" ambiance playlist and I got inspired. Enjoy.

The night is still, there are no storms tonight. A winding path with swaying tress that surround it. It's beautiful, really. The peace of the wind, moon; the chirping of nearby insects, the occasional who from a wise owl. And the sound of hooves hitting pure earth. What they carry makes soft clinging chimes, but it is not overpowering. Just peace. Just the night.

Two men on horseback walk down what seems to be a never ending path tonight.

Hanzo shimada, the dark archer in a hooded cloak; riding a midnight mare. He carries bow and arrow on his back, he didn't trust putting it with the luggage. What can be seen of his body, show's it's defined, perfectly muscular in the smoothest way known to man. Or elf, in his case. His hair is sleek and soothing like the darkest blues of the sky, long as well. But it is tied back in a low ponytail with a golden Seigaiha ribbon acting as a tie. For the features under his hood, it twists in the meanest form of resting bitch face.

Riding beside this powerful elf is Jesse McCree, a simple human with impeccable aim. His horse varies, a strong stallion with amber hair and a mix of white and brown spots. He wears another cloak, one much more decorated and worn. It's red with western sunsets that act as accents. Most predominantly about his style, is his boots that have spurs, yes they make sound as well; and a leather cowboy hat that's seen better days. Jesse's cream button down has chest armor that catches the moon's reflection in it. He always wears a holster over his layered pants, it has a revolver he calls "Peacekeeper" in it.

Another thing to note about these two wanderers is the emotions they carry. Jesse Cowboy McCree is relaxed with that lopsided grin on his face. He rides like it's the most soothing thing in the world, like he's done this his whole life. If the peace this night had a embodiment, it'd be him.

Hanzo hardass Shimada, rides with posture and a tight grip on his horse's leash. Resting bitch face giving no signs of going away. He clashes with the night.

Jesse - You need to take a break?

Jesse genuinely asks. It catches Hanzo off guard and he takes his time answering.

Hanzo - No.

Hanzo trots past Jesse, who quickly catches up, getting amused despite Hanzo's annoyance.

Jesse - It's just, if ya squeeze that leash any tighter it might break.

Hanzo finally, finally, turns to him in a stone cold stare. Yet Jesse doesn't look away from it.

Jesse - Something bothering you?

He asks once more, still laced with care. Hanzo sighs like this is the hardest thing he's had to do today.

Hanzo - Are we not out in the open, vulnerable? We could be attacked by anything.

Jesse chuckles, as if Hanzo just told the funniest joke. Which does nothing to ease Hanzo.

Jesse - Darlin', I'm the best gunslinger there ever was. We can defend ourselves just fine.

Hanzo rolls his eyes, but Jesse does notice the slight realise in the man's hands.

Jesse - So stop worrying so much, and just enjoy this.

Hanzo - What is there to enjoy?

Jesse scoffs.

Jesse - The quiet, Darlin'.

Hanzo shoots up, not expecting that answer. Not in a million years, not from someone as gregarious and smooth as Jesse McCree.

Hanzo - Quiet?

Jesse - Yeah, the thing you love so much.

Hanzo shakes his head. His hoarse does too, seemingly interested but in a way that she's judging Hanzo.

Hanzo - I did not mean to oppose-

Jesse - I know, ya don't have to apologize. It's weird for me to like that, I get it.

There's a pause where Hanzo hears Jesse breath. It's soft and alive and deep. Hanzo waits.

Jesse - I'm a social guy and you've only seen that side, so it's understandable. Doesn't mean I don't like alone time where I can just-

Jesse pauses and Hanzo honestly thinks he's pushed too much. He focuses back on the road, still never ending. The little pebbles, the dirt, the speks of grass that's made its way on the path. So many little pieces of material coming together to paint a portrait.

Hanzo's daydreaming stops by a sudden drawl, it forces its way into his brain and pulls his head to look at the source.

Jesse - Just... relax. I can think whatever I want to. Say everything I never got to say, apologize to my mama for leaving her behind to join some gang and hope she hears me.

Jesse chuckles, and that softness and life and warmth melting into hurt that he tries to conceal with a dry laugh. Hanzo still stares at him in a different, empathetic, expression. After a pause, he finds the courage to speak.

Hanzo - I... used to have people too.

Jesse's heard snippets of this, so he keeps his mouth in interest to know more. He doubts he'll get the full story, but partial is just as good.

Hanzo - I- ... I used to have a little brother. When we were children, he meant everything to me. Every time I would find my classmates picking on him I'd defend him. At night when he had nightmares so bad he wouldn't fall back asleep, I soothed him. And-

Hanzo smiles sadly.

Hanzo - When we'd steal treats from the kitchen I would eat the parts of them he didn't want.

Jesse smiles too.

Jesse - Sounds like a dream, Darlin'

Hanzo - It was. But it never lasts; as we got older, we stopped.

He stops, unable to go on. He tenses again. Jesse speaks so kindly, it takes over Hanzo's mind twice.

Jesse - It all went to hell.

Hanzo nods.

Jesse - You don't have to talk about it if it hurts too much. I'm just glad I got you to loosen up for a minute.

Hanzo laughs, small but sincere. Jesse finds it evading his own brain.

Jesse - I um, had a few sisters. Was the only boy so pop tried hard to make sure I didn't grow up weak. Be the man when he was gone and all that.

A pause.

Jesse - He- He wasn't my favorite. I joined Deadlock cause I didn't want to die in a barn, like him. I didn't cry when he-

Jesse breaths again, regaining some of his warmth.

Jesse - My ma was that everything to me. She taught me and my sisters how to read animals, instead of just riding them. Included me in lessons on how to make flower crowns when pop wasn't looking. Her and my sisters were the only thing I regret leaving behind.

As Hanzo was about to speak, they reached a clearing. Jesse scanned it, then smiled.

Jesse - About time. Hey Han, help me set up?

Hanzo chooses to leave the past conversation behind to join Jesse on the ground. Gone is the tense full of a frown and not needed posture, he was relaxed now. A thought pashed past him, that he'd have to thank Jesse for this, but that was left behind too.

Hanzo - Sure.

#overwatch #fanfic??#idk its just that I want to make a part 2 #hanzo shimada #jesse mccree #shimada brothers #au #wow its organized tags #fantasy #writing #tw depressing stuff #Also howdy im not dead #hi sorry to mess with this but had to make edits enjoy still tho

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holy-mountaineering · 3 years

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This spread is for @mirronx Thank you, as always!

Here’s the full Qabalistic Tree of Life Spread that I do. What I’m going to do is go through and briefly explain each card, its position on the Tree, and then I’ll give you a summary/synopsis of the spread as a whole. You know the routine.

Think of this spread as a sort of quantum map, or even the land of a regular map, everything is happening at once, in each place. It’s important to think of yourself as moving “through” the map but you are also simultaneously everywhere at once. For the sake of this specific experiment, think of this as a map. Maybe as a person, the Qabalistic Adam Kadmon.

Where we’re starting the journey from is Kether, the monad, the first sign of creation. We’ll call this your hometown, since it is where you’re from originally. Here we have XV The Devil OR The Lord of the Gates of Matter, Ayin, Capricorn.

The Goat-Fish who is half in the mountains and half in the deeps of the oceans, high places and the deep. This guy gets a REALLY bad rap that is very unwarranted. All The Devil is trying to do is Incarnate or materialize by Higher methods.

The card is a giant cock with faceless little white people in the balls looking like they want out, again, possibility is trying to take hold and become a physical thing. The Devil IS a trickster (“you little devil” and assorted shit sayings like that) so that worries some people. Those people are squares and probably have bad taste in music.

Manifest your potential and figure it out when it’s “real” and not just a passing thought or whim.

In Chokmah, which is like your freeway getting you out onto the road out of your hometown is the 6 of Cups, Pleasure.

For reasons, I call this the plumbing card. The water is not flowing freely as though it is pouring, it has been pumped through a series of tubes intricately woven together to fill the cups placed in the shape of a hexagram. Emotion and connectedness to life are intentionally being directed by unseen but invited forces. Someone who wasn’t looking closely could see nothing but knots and chaos and even wonder how the damn thing worked in the first place. Those people are squares and should be avoided at all costs.

Do what gives you pleasure that also instills clarity. Center on the best you can feel even if onlookers can’t appreciate what you’re doing connoisseurs (and you) will dig it.

In Binah, which is ruled by Saturn and for the sake of this reading we will call the first stop on your roadtrip. You haven’t really arrived anywhere but you’re stopping and getting a chance to repack your car in a more efficient way. Sitting in Binah is the 10 of Cups, Satiety.

This is the emotional peak experience. This peak is a feeling of a connection, a filling up with life’s water and flowing out to all other life. Intuition is raised here if you look from your mountain top where your perspective is different. The accumulated force of the suit of water is forcing its way forward and down and cutting a path as it goes. Be careful you don’t get too swept up and fall from this height.

You’re coming to a peak emotional/relationship(s with those around you) experience. Enjoy the view but descend carefully.

In Chesed which is ruled by Jupiter and again for the sake of this experiment we’ll say involves your influence and benevolence in your current trip is the 5 of Disks, Worry.

Like all of the 5s in Tarot, this is the microcosmic or human number . Don’t believe me? Stand up, stick your arms and legs out and counting your head, congrats, you’re a pentagram. Lord knows people worry like motherfuckers about how they are going to get by in the “normal” world, so there is a stress and strain in this card that everyone late on a bill can understand. This is the worry that you’ll get your intelligence (Mercury) smothered by the laborious strain of Taurus. This is, like all 5s a human limitation issue.

Well it won’t unless you only see your limitations and make it happen. Be smarter about you material situation so you don’t have to work harder.

Across the Tree in Geburah, which is Mars Town, where you find your drive and what you’re trying to accomplish/conquer is (another 5) the 5 of Swords, (mental/communication) Defeat.

Like all 5s this is the microcosmic or human card, if you don’t believe me stand up and stick out your arms and legs, boom, you’re a pentagram. Swords are mind, thought processes, communication and the like, and this is mental growth limited by its mundane focus or dwelling on the limitations of yourself and other individuals.

Realize your limitations and the limitations of others. You are seriously just a human and so is everyone else. Try to focus your mind on bigger picture things instead of mundane/shitty people, ideas, thoughts, and ways of thinking.

In Tiphareth, the Sun and center of gravity holding all this in place, the heart pumping the blood through this, your heart is XVIII The Moon, Pieces, Qoph.

This is the ‘Sun at midnight where you stand shines on the other side of the world’. The pull of night and day eventually rising, illuminating what was once dark. As opposed to the old Aeon idea of the Sun dying, this is the cyclic motion of the push and pull of the day and night. The dark gives the light context and vis-a-versa.

See the light in the dark, accept the cyclic push and pull, if you don’t like what “time of day it is” in your life I assure you it will change like the tides.

In Netzach, Venus town, where you have the realization about how this is going to change you as a person with a personality is XXI The Universe, Saturn, Tau.

The Universe is the totality of what we can sense and know. The dance of the Woman with the cosmic serpent and the Eye destroying while everything constantly recreates. We see the Universe only from our position in it. You may send out your satellites to explore unknown areas but you can only process what they might mean from your place. The more we try to take into our restrictive minds and spirits, the more we know about the whole and ourselves and our place in the Universe.

Step back and look at the connections and totality of everything you know and experience. It’s quite a view.

In Mercury Town Hod-ville, where all the Universities are and everyone has real intellectual shit going on is the YET ANOTHER 5, WHAT’RE YOU A TAURUS??? The 5 of Wands, Strife.

Like all the 5s, this is a microcosmic or human number. It’s also the halfway point between two things. This is the drag when you see how far you’ve come and see that you have the exact same grueling distance to go. Your feet will start to drag. The natural friction of motion becomes very apparent here and it is more annoying and nagging than anything else.

You might be stuck between a rock and a shitty place with what you’re doing, but just truck on, it’s not so bad once you get past where you are and get moving at full speed again.

On the Moon in Yesod, the receptive and reflective place that is alot about the feelings that you’re picking up from all this is the 10 of Disks, Wealth.

This card is intelligence (Mercury) in fertile possibility (Virgo). This is the peak material situation, a good situation, a situation you really want to be in.

Be swift and mindful of your material task at hand and your everyday experience, it is nearing its end and you stand to profit.

Put your smarts and your communication skills in the most fertile possibilities and cash in before things start to come down from this peak opportune time.

Down here in Malkuth-istan, the everyday life mundane, waking up pooping, and going to work world is the Ace of Disks, the root power of Earth or the material.

This is the foundation which all your solid structures are and will be built on. This is the very root of your real world/material life situation. While this doesn’t mean you must tear everything down or that there is nothing in your material world that you’ve built, it does mean you must look at the source from which you’ve built your material and everyday world. If you have no foundation you can have no structure. If you have a shoddy foundation, you’ll have a shoddy structure. Look to what things were like before you began building. Is there sand beneath you? Are you in a swamp, building castles of stone that will bind to the mud and be pulled down much sooner than later? Did you account for the raise in elevation when you laid your foundation? Look down to the base of what you’ve made and what you’ve made it upon.

This is an engineering job, you’ll need tools to measure and level everything out. The occult might not be the best place to find these tools and it is possible that you have issues much more base than you’re willing to cop to. There are many tools you can use to look at your foundation provided in psychology and meditation from other sources. The Universe throws us extreme situations and more often than not, this is the only way people see their basest of instincts and behaviors really act out. If you can, take a look at what connects you and what you’re building to the Earth before an earthquake, tornado, volcano, or other act of G-D forces you to pray everything was fine. Check the strength of your foundations before the strength of your foundations are checked.

Get down to the base fundamentals of what is going on in your material (things, money, living situation, literal stuff) and build from the ground up if you must.

Alright, so, it’s time to make manifest the possibilities, the desires that have gone unspoken, don’t worry about other people’s interpretations of YOU and your wants and needs, there will be those who care to unravel the tangle that is each of us as an individual. You WILL find this, in some way, some how, and that WILL be that big emotional release and connection that you’ve been feeling is around the bend, it’s coming up, fear not!

Seriously, don’t kill your own vibe, or your ability to act when the time arrives by doubt, needless, baseless doubt. Everything is moving for you, or it will be soon rather, and you have to trust that the Sunrise is just over the horizon

And there is a bigger picture here, you’re not only fulfilling your own desires, those longings serve a Greater purpose, do NOT doubt them, or their fulfillment.. And don’t trip yourself up when it doesn’t hit at the time that is most convenient for you. I said it would happen, I didn’t say it wouldn’t be a little messy, but messy is fun. All that being said, you want to bring in those nouns (people places things) that CAN make this happen, the most fertile possibilities that will be a part of the motion toward this. But, don’t think you’ll be the same, even in the same place when you’re done. You might not physically move, but unleashing desires, longed for moves us… Ever Towards...

Ta Da!

Hit me up with any questions! What a great Reading, I’m really happy for you and I’m excited to hear about your next few months!

-Frater N0VGHT

#magick #occult #thelema #tarot #divination #cartomancy

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tawakkull · 3 years

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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Reflections (Tafakkur): Part 3

BEAUTY AND THE BEAUTIFUL

Beauty elevates our hearts, awakens our souls with sweet excitement and appreciation, and then becomes the esthetic of our inner self. This hard-to-describe phenomenon, this sense that is present in our most joyous moments, is beauty. Even though this definition might seem too narrow, it is one interpretation. There have been elaborate interpretations of the notion of beauty from the point of view of esthetics. The focus now shifts on the relation of beauty with existence, nature, and human beings, or even beyond nature.

The meanings of beauty need to be redefined all together in order to be properly appreciated. Even though this has been done many times by masters of esthetics, we will try to explain our understanding of beauty in the context of our philosophy and belief, where every beautiful object is a mirror image or a reflection of Divine Beauty. Furthermore, anything that incites appreciation, love, and astonishment is seen as a reflection of Divine Beauty. Therefore, when our hearts are filled with these everlasting reflections, we are always able to perceive ourselves within beauty.

Through such a perspective, we conceive of even seemingly sad things, like death and decay, as being the essence of the most amazing harmonies, thus feeling ourselves to be among infinite beauty. In this way, we never feel upset or discouraged by the fading of our attachments. On the contrary, we experience the outward beauty of faith, breathe in the motivating air of hope, strive to do righteous deeds in the hope that we will fulfill our spiritual desires, seek sincerity in every deed, struggle to be tolerant, merciful, and constructive in all our behavior, and we strive to accept those deeds done for the sake of God as being the best moments of our lives. For us, faith becomes the light that illuminates our horizons, and a source of hope for our expectations. Only through faith can the chaos of nothingness be overcome. Only through faith can we reach the happiness that spreads from our hearts to the infinite Paradise. Through its vastness and power, faith becomes beautiful. Through faith one can find the Divine Unity, turn toward the Truth, and reach worldly and heavenly bliss, being released from all worries.

These are all the beauties within the beauty that can be enjoyed through faith in God. The universe, events, objects, and human intellect that can evaluate these are all beautiful in that they help us find faith. Likewise, all righteous acts that stem from the faith, good morals, and the desire to reach real faith and progress in the spiritual ranks of love and knowledge of God are also beautiful. Even acts of worship, or calamities that strike us, or sins that we find hard to resist, all of which may seem like hardship from the outside, represent beauty if we adopt the right attitude toward them. Real beauty belongs to God. He necessitates perfection, which is unique to Him alone. All of existence is a different mirror of God, reflecting His beauty as much as its potential allows. Stars sing of the beauty of light every night, they wink at us and remind us of Him through their unbelievable beauty. Moonlight touches the hearts with its softness and beauty and the sun spreads its mercy on each and everything without distinction. It pours down its light and colors all day long, and sets, giving us another marvelous scene. The seas rise and fall through the tides, and take care of millions of living beings, like a merciful mother. Mountains, with a sheer size that makes our hearts pound, seem to be whispering something to the skies, playing along with the clouds. Mountains invite the rains and stop the oceans with their proud look, yet they become mere earth. All the voices from the birds, sheep, forests, and mountains make up such a harmonious song, feeding our souls with the most peaceful rhythms. Yes, everything from the smiling skies to the thousands of glories of the Earth is so beautiful that they make us aware of the beauty of Heaven and we simply say “it just could not have been more beautiful!” And human beings themselves seem to be the most beautiful among all this beauty. With our outward looks, our inner world of senses, thoughts, and faith, we are like a sample, a replica of the universe. It is therefore apparent that humans have been created as a key to solve the riddle of creation. This is the way we should perceive beauty, seeing it only as a tool to interpret the real meaning of existence. In this enormous arena of beauty, everything can be seen as a point referring to the Creator. If with our pure intentions and the right perspective, we can perceive existence as a mirror reflecting the beauty of The Beautiful, we can experience spiritual joy.

In fact, it should not be difficult to be aware of this. Sometimes, only a beautifully designed city or a place of worship is enough to make us enjoy this holy pleasure. Sometimes, a nice poem, a legend, a well-told story, or music that is meant to touch our human sensibilities, that wafts harmony into our soul, can draw us to this beauty, and make us hear the beauty of some other abode. However, the continuity of the joy that these spiritual pleasures give us and the avoidance of suffering depends on relating this worldly beauty to its real Owner. Otherwise, all will end at the most unexpected moment. The Sun will set and the Moon will disappear as our soul sinks into the darkness. It is impossible for souls in decline to appreciate and enjoy the beauty. Since every beauty of this world fades away and leaves us one day, for our soul not to despair and to be able to enjoy the real and infinite beauty, it is necessary to establish the true Owner and Originator of the beauty we observe.

Yes, material beauty is just a means to acknowledge the Most Beautiful. Getting stuck at the “means” and not realizing the ultimate goal of this beauty, which shows us the real Beauty of God, is nothing more than being blind to the real goal, the real Truth. The Creator has placed all sorts of beauty and signs along the way so that we will not be blinded; however, for souls that have not reached this realization and which lack the faithful perspective, this beauty is nothing but a source of mischief, or means leading them to sin. But for those who can think clearly, even the love for the beautifully created is only the shade of the shade of the shade of the Beauty of the Beauty of God. As long as we are able to distinguish between the Real Source of Beauty and its reflection, the love we feel for the created is harmless. In this sense, we can accept the created as beautiful.

Sometimes, we are aware of the innermost feelings in our souls which sense only the abstract beauty that fills our hearts with God’s love alone. At these moments, when beauty and love become intertwined, the soul, with its unique ability to see, feel, and hear, senses the Real Source in everything that it meets. Through its heavenly bestowed mechanisms, our soul perceives the essence of everything and attributes this to its real owner. It is the lack of this mechanism that renders the materialists and the naturalists short-sighted; they only observe the outer beauty of things and fall short of perceiving the spiritual and infinite horizons. However, all beauty exists to take us to the Heavens, to the Godly realms.

Every human being displays themselves, their feelings, and their abilities in their works. This means that they are presenting something for others who will observe and perceive through the prism of their insight. God presents His works embellished with color, meaning, and content in order to make Himself known and loved for those seeking Him. We are sent to this world with the responsibility then, to affect and reshape things with His permission, to reflect our understanding, but also to be attentive to the true purpose and meaning of the creation of things. The universe and the happenings in it are thus perfect examples to imitate. However, no matter how perfect the example is, everyone will draw and interpret objects according to their abilities. Charles Lalo, commenting on esthetics once said: “The magnificent scene taking place at the time of sunset will remind a farmer of the rather unesthetic thought of dinner; the physicist, not of beauty or ugliness, but of rightness or wrongness of the analysis of a matter. Thus, the sunset is beautiful only for those who are aware of beauty.” Therefore, only those who see with God and hear with God can appreciate the beauty that spreads throughout existence as their senses are tuned to the spiritual realms.

A heart that beats with God’s love and which desires to meet Him will be aware of many signs from God along the way. Such a heart will feel the excitement of meeting Him, as it reads the messages from the Moon, the sunset, the twinkling stars, colorful nature, the blowing of the wind, the snow… And such a heart would utter, in the words of one who has reached the unity of sight and heart, “Everyone from everywhere is coming to watch Your beauty. From beneath and from above, every being is declaring You, displaying the reflections of Your beauty.” This heart looks at nature and objects but sees the Unseen spiritual realms. This is the point of love and connection with God.

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immortal-teacher · 3 years

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Albert Einstein said "Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics"

Most people don't realize that sounds, shapes, colors and words are all connected through various frequency vibrations. Play a chord and there is a corresponding geometrical shape that is in place, and a color associated with that frequency and vibration! Sacred Geometry, sound, chakras

I have figured out how to make anything reality and how the universe works after experimenting with a variety of affirmations and i will explain with knowledge from many teachers that I have figured out the details and proven myself with experiments, memories, scientific explanations and more.

So everything is Frequency and Vibration or nonphysical and physical, We are all co-creators who create frequencies that create and control the material and physical world. We operate and think on frequency, including belief systems are frequencies and that controls our vibration.

Vibration is our body and the frequencies that we operate and think on control the type of thoughts we can have, how we feel, how we interact with all life and everything around us including gaining new abilities, becoming immortal or anything it seems anything is possible once you say or listen to an affirmation, subliminal, mantra, frequency or believe something long enough

then it will come true eventually. The Mastermind Principle explains how opposing frequencies cannot exist in the same area. For example during hypnosis people have proven how if i say my finger is burning hot then it will burn your skin as i get closer and start to blister.

Somebody has put down all his weight on a knife on his neck then got hit full force with a sledgehammer on his back but it did not pierce his skin because his belief/frequency

that he operates on. The frequencies also cause hallucinations based on beliefs, for example i thought people i date would reply fast so when i first got a phone in 7th grade i would message people and past girlfriends and reply fast because i didn't have many chores to do and of course really wanted to talk to my now ex girlfriend so while waiting for a reply from her, i would get vibrations from my

phone just like i got a message but when i checked then i see no messages or notifications and this went on like a hundred times until 10th grade when i got a new girlfriend(ex girlfriend) that explained why it took so long to reply, which is because she does many chores for her family, she didn't have Brothers and sisters around her age to help out.

So i first started learning about how the universe works after 5 years of searching to cure my shyness, depression and slight anger issues, along the way i did some searching into empathic abilities, how to live forever and more through many teachers mostly on google and Youtube, nothing really worked until i found this

video by "YouAreCreators" Youtube channel called "The secrets of frequency and vibration" packed full of cool experiments including how the nine solfeggio frequencies cured 16 out of 16 terminally ill cancer patients

within 70 days which i hear is the worst kind of cancer. So i started both the nine solfeggio frequencies and i am affirmations both free on YouTube at the same time, after listening to them for 2 and a half weeks then i started

waking up with this extremely blissful feeling, super energized, feeling great, thinking faster and more clearly, form more complex thoughts, process information faster, i work at top speed all day like an adrenaline rush and

it seems i have infinite energy but i stopped listening temporarily thinking it would last forever but then the great feelings gradually went away after 72 hours.

Some of my experiments that helped me discover how the universe works include listening and or saying affirmations

like "i am connected to the source, i am a part of god, i am a piece of the creator, i am wise, i am walking brilliance, i am total understanding, i am infinite wisdom, i am genius, i am over joyed, i am educated, i am infinite, i am wise council, i am energetic, i am boundless, i am brilliant, I am Happy, i am Healthy, i am invincible, i am immortal, i am loving, i am caring, kind, strong" and many more

in other people's affirmations then they all came true and when i asked questions in my head then five different times i got answers it seemed i could have never thought of.

I have even tried subliminals for faster reflexes and think fast like a human computer then started catching everything that i bumped off the shelf when trying to work faster including 3 items i dropped at the same time so i lowered my body slightly and hugged them like i could

see them falling in slow motion.

Dr. Joe Dispenza says learning makes new connections in the brain, so the more that you can repeat what you have learned, the more you are installing the neurological hardware in the brain in preparation for the experience then

when you feel the experience and emotion then your teaching your body chemically what you have intellectually understood, then the body understands better than the mind after enough practice. He said our job

is to go from philosopher to initiate to master, from knowledge to experience to wisdom, from mind to body to soul, from thinking to doing to being, from learning it with your head to practicing it with your hands and knowing it by heart.

How you think and feel changes your state of being, (end of the quote) because you think the pill or surgery will heal you then it doesn't matter if it is a sugar pill or fake surgery, it will work, that is the famous placebo effect. I read that most people get results between 21 to 85 days of any daily affirmation, frequency, subliminal, mantra etc then after 3 months of daily practice then it will be permanent.

After saying i am immortal and i am invincible for about a month and a half then i turned around and accidentally fell what seemed to be the fastest fall ever at work because the floor was really slick then i felt no pain at all and didn't even get hurt and i kept track for a month after just

in case if i needed to report it.

After saying that i do not need food to survive, i do not need food to thrive about 50 times daily for 3 days then those 3 days i ate 50%-75% less food because i felt full and could not really eat much throughout the day including my work lunch time that i usually eat the whole time.

Mahatma Gandhi said "Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny."

I found that fear or doubt attracts what you fear or doubt because I found a new technique while playing pool that I can visualize a tunnel where the white ball will go and the next ball and make the shot everytime if I stay confident, aim

the goal ball first then the white ball with the tunnel but if I doubt I'll make it or fear I'll mess up or get bumped then I can't visualize the tunnel technique so I tried relying on another technique but then I fail.

After

listening to affirmations about world peace then it gave me new perceptions that helped me because i was running on the "be nice" frequency so then i was able to tell

people the right way to do things otherwise i could report them to the FDA for leaving refrigerated food out at room temperature for hours instead of 30 minutes. They would pull out pallets of food about 6 feet tall stacked to fit the most

food on each pallet then say only one person per pallet which took this one guy 3 hours and a half to stock the shelves so now those expiration dates are wrong.

I have tried mantras and subliminals to become more attractive then 6 people flirt with me in one day, everyone was

smiling at me and i got 4 phone numbers from female co-workers because the other 2 flirting was guys but I'm only attracted to females.

Also with Aaron Doughty's help, he refers to Hawkin's scale from "fear to enlightenment" often with examples and his experiences which really helped me out but he still

does not completely know what he is talking about as far as i know but i don't watch most of his videos. I had help from many teachers and i sometimes still look for more

knowledge to improve life for the greater good of all! First

time i heard the detox frequency that is known to eliminate electromagnetic radiation, Viruses, diseases, infections, toxins, bacteria, fungal etc "741 Hz" i heard just about an hour or two then sweat 3 nights in a row so much

during winter that i woke up once each night because the sweat i was soaked in got cold so i dried off and rolled over each night but with constant use i don't notice any sweat

really if i do it daily or weekly. Music tuned to 528Hz gives us more energy daily because it returns our DNA to its perfect form also 528Hz is the frequency at which life is created and when i listen daily then i keep benefits constantly all day.

Other

people's beliefs and our own beliefs and fears influence us subconsciously that influences thoughts, abilities and choices either positive or negative but we can learn what negative and or deconstructive frequencies we operate on by listening to our thoughts and words then reverse the negative and deconstructive ones,

I figured this out because I heard weird beliefs that I didn't believe that effected me in a negative way but now I looped an affirmation video using desktop version for protection from anything negative on my cracked phone it charges slow but it works.

With a world of technology that can brainwash you on a silent frequency displayed on the patent technology website then We must brainwash ourselves for everything good and have a negative and deconstructive frequencies blocker like i listen to daily in my Daily playlist that i try to keep under 6 hours to listen 3 times daily for more effect i add more helpful videos after so i have

something else to listen to while sleeping. We can create new empowering, optimistic, hopeful, loving, gratefulness, forgiving life for all. Always think what is the opposite of the negative, remember to stay and think positive, constructive and always work with science to figure

out what is for the greater good of all and if you ever have questions google or youtube can't answer then ask me, I'd love to help and I've also gained benefits

from meditation, mantras, subliminals, mindful breathing, Orgone Pendant necklace from "wish .com" i believe that the intentions i set in my gemstones to help me

bring world peace, love and happiness to all helped because it does seem easier to teach and twice now after meeting people who told me i was wrong because they

chose one of the 2000 religions which are belief systems from other humans both times christian but my gemstones start shocking my leg when they fill up to much of the negative energy and shock my hand if i touch them, stronger than static shock, like those electric shock pens.

Sungazing the safe way reduces needed food intake gradually to zero by connecting to earth's electromagnetic field I'm at 8 minutes but on your First day the sun should be near touching the horizon and look at

the top of the sun then left, right, bottom and repeat for 10 seconds then only increase 10 seconds once daily until 44 minutes and 40 seconds is completed then the sungazing part is done to get energy just walk on earth slow,

relaxed and barefoot for 45 minutes a day for the average person for enough energy throughout the day but i read many different stories it seems you still can drink and

eat but in the Thomas Jefferson University study they kept track of this man 24/7 for 200 days they monitored all of his bodily functions and they said he didn't eat or drink anything but he did bath and they measured the bath

water and he was healthier than anyone 20 years younger than him and he was about 70 years old.

At another university the same guy was monitored for 411 days but they didn't even believe him about not needing food or drink so i think they said he did accept some buttermilk from them.

I heard one guy rose his frequency and vibration so high that he cured everyone at an insane asylum just by walking in, they told him he could not speak to them but just being near him everyone of them past all the tests to get out within a week.

People with multiple personality disorder sometimes will have cancer in one personality then scan them 2 minutes later in another personality then the cancer is gone. One woman who got cancer i think her name might be Doloris Cannon

but before she went in for her cancer treatment, she forgave everyone in her life then went to the doctor that said after scanning her again that her cancer is gone and that's the only thing she did different in her life and i personally have forgiven everyone for my health without actually telling them and it felt like 100 pounds lifted off my heart.

If you want to know more about the Science just ask or google ~Bruce Lipton~ is a cellular biologist that has proven all the science of beliefs, fears, thoughts and choices creating our reality.

According to RC Henry, a professor of physics and astronomy at Johns Hopkins University, in a 2005 essay: A fundamental conclusion of the new physics also acknowledges that the observer creates the reality. Pioneering physicist sir James Jeans wrote

"The stream of knowledge is heading toward a non-mechanical reality; the universe begins to look more like a great thought than like a great machine. Mind no longer appears to be an accidental intruder into the realm of matter,

we ought rather to hail it as the creator and governor of the realm of matter. Get over it and accept the inarguable conclusion. The universe is immaterial-mental and spiritual."

I had help discovering how the universe works from Bob proctor, Aaron Doughty, YouTube channels YouAreCreators and Universe inside you, Bruce Lipton, The Placebo effect, No Cebo Effect, Mandala effect, butterfly

effect, bystander effect, the documentary on Netflix called "The secret", visual and audio hallucinations, The MasterMind Principle, police report eye witnesses having different stories, experiments, etc and

seems the mandala effect is that whatever current frequencies controlling the majority also change history for example according to thousands of people the bible used to say that sampson's girl cut his hair but now with new

controlling frequencies it now says that she had a slave cut his hair to take his power away. This relates to a recent story i heard where the recent President Trump paid his lawyer take the blame for writing something on Trumps twitter account.

I found Dr. Royal Raymond Rife's frequency list and it is over 437 pages long and the first 8 or so is the University studies and then every health problem we can possibly have and what frequency or frequencies cure that problem.

The cancer section is 3 pages long. I seen AIDS on the list and every body part we have and or metabolism for example the frequency and or frequencies that help them normalize to perfect functionality. Also i do teach for world peace, immortality or whatever else to improve life for anyone because i care for everyone but affirmations, subliminals and frequencies takes some time of listening because

they have to push back opposing frequencies like being under a foot or more of water the deeper you go then the more pressure you feel so this is why certain affirmations, subliminals and frequencies seem to take longer

to come true but please trust me i have no reason to lie, someone said something like frequencies are like seeds that you plant they may not produce fruit right away but if you water that seed then eventually it will produce fruit and they were referring to saying the affirmation long enough to get results.

Before i got benefits from starting this journey i did not even think of the concept of how the universe works but i have really put a lot of thought into explaining anything and everything in the universe to get a better understanding of how all of it works.

I plan on changing my eye color to gold to prove it to for friends, family and anyone else because after teaching hundreds of people i have noticed most are cynical and deny anything based off a belief system they have but belief is only a guide to the truth as i see it now, this is why

i could not trust religion i knew it was not me to try believing in something that seemed so made up. So i searched over 5 years learning from many teachers, hypnosis, scientific explanations and more for a variety of questions i had about life constantly thinking of new questions and eventually started enjoying learning along the way then i learned about how the universe works, so i then

started experimenting with the law of attraction, subliminals, affirmations and frequencies to prove for myself if they have complete control or not and so far every

affirmation, subliminal, frequency etc i listen to enough gives me the results i wanted so now my focus is to teach and get this information out there because i want to help people and bring world peace i already sent it to the governor of nebraska and washington but they obviously didn't bring world peace yet so i will share my message

in this video instead of in comments section of many videos to make a difference in the world. I have already started listening and saying my own world peace affirmations and subliminals to help protect myself for when

I am ready to share the truth. I only teach what i have proven through experimenting with hundreds of frequencies, subliminals and affirmations. I am working on perfecting myself in everything that i do or say with great patience.

I was listening to different frequencies on 11 tabs on YouTube before they made Anthony Sommer add in the evil 440Hz in his music after 6 frequencies like stem cell production, collagen production, etc then I felt the different energy centers in me filling up then I would feel a

Slight discomfort that went away after switching to another frequency then after the 7th frequency I felt it all in more detail, it only creates the weird feeling because I was filling up

smaller chakras/energy centers within 20 minutes then it had to use energy to distribute energy to our energy centers nearby. The 9 solfeggio frequencies fill up our 9 biggest chakras so it gives more time to distribute energy so you won't feel the slight discomfort. Aaron doughty taught

me an affirmation "i am whole and complete," it means that i do not need anyone or anything to fulfill me or to complete me, i simply relax and focus on what i need to focus on then time flys by faster so i set alarms on my phone for certain things like when i need to get things done or when i get off work.

I read and heard many stories of how people can change hair texture and or eye colors to whatever they want with subliminals and affirmations but i simply have not wanted to change my body in those ways besides being invincible, immortal, healthy, wise and or anything else to improve the quality of my life.

At www.spooky2rife.com they have frequencies with proven results from 10 different researchers and they say it is the biggest frequency database in the world. 144.72hz woke me up when i was so tired i couldn't stay awake any longer then i got back to work at full speed, i was about to clock out of work 3 hours early but then found this frequency on that site next to energy and vitality.

I should inform you that the cells in our body can be addicted to anything and that Rockefeller studied how Hitler had control over people and found that fluoride in the water and toothpaste was one way because it calcified the pineal gland, closing up our perception and stifles

Creativity and with 440Hz set as the official standard of tuning for America and Europe. 440Hz is the frequency "Humans are bad and need punishment" so when anyone listen to almost any music then that frequency grows from

inside you like a bubble constantly growing until it meets an opposing frequency because the Mastermind Principle explains how opposing frequencies cannot exist in the same area, so opposing frequencies go to war

until one survives in whatever area, the bubbles probably follow us wherever we go if we created it. So this is why people get so angry because even if they do not listen themselves other people do listen enough that the frequency bubble could be all the way out to Jupiter or Pluto.

So I use Fluoride free toothpaste, aluminum free deodorant, purified drinking water, 24/7 affirmations and the nine Solfeggio Frequencies I also avoid Television or sometimes called "Tell Lie Vision" because it tells you lies. I also avoid listening to music other than the nine Solfeggio Frequencies.

So it is important to learn consciously how to counter balance this problem. The nine solfeggio frequencies, subliminals and affirmations help and also learning to be like water, for example as water flows through life down the river it does not stop before hitting a rock, it simply goes over and or around the rock, practice makes perfect also we need to change the standard of tuning for all music.

I heard once "if you think about nothing then you become nothing." I think that once the affirmation etc becomes permanent then it becomes like your identity so if being immortal is one of your affirmations then it would not matter

if you think about nothing since you are immortal. I've heard of a story I think it only took 4,000 people to meditate on world peace for it to come true all around the world during the meditation but affirmations can do the same!

Please use this knowledge for the greater good of all it helps if you write down affirmations and put it on something you do daily like taping it to the middle of the tv

so you read it daily before watching tv or on a doorknob etc please include "There is peace throughout all time and space now and peace will always be here and everywhere" Please share this message everywhere you can on all social media accounts and in person you can summarize this and or show them this message.

For the disbelievers, not trying to be rude because someone said this to me once I looked up the definition and you should to but they were right so my perspective changed.

You are cynical and you have no right to tell me what you think negatively without doing the work to prove me wrong. I put years into my experimenting with about a hundred affirmations and scientific explanations that's why I

can explain anything and everything in the universe. I'm authentic I can't only believe in anything I hear so I search for proof and then prove it true or not with a variety of ways.

I share the truth. I'm not insulting you but simply informing you of the behavior your displaying. Experience and proof always win rather than thoughts and beliefs.

The frequencies constantly fill up your energy centers but some

are good some are bad like an opera singer break glass with her voice. That energy is probably used for survival first then healing, then perfect health our body knows how

to use the energy then once you have healed up and healthy then the energy fills up faster because it takes less energy to maintain health than to become healthy and then you feel great all the time but you still got to keep listening to the frequencies all day everyday until your

full then I think you can listen to higher frequencies but I haven't got there yet like 10,000 Hz but frequencies research is still happening so make sure whatever you listen

to is beneficial to you and others around you because 10,000 hz hurt my back for months until I realized it was causing the pain probably because I needed to fill up on the nine solfeggio first before upgrading further. Beliefs can make anything reality so anything can be true but I know the highest truth and here I share with you.

I'm giving you the highest truth so now is the time to use this knowledge I offer tested and proven so everyone will be peaceful if I get enough of you to listen, think and or say

these affirmations, "Everyone and everything is immortal, There is peace throughout all time and space, everyone feels unconditional love for everyone and everything, everyone is happy" and more repeat all day everyday for faster

results please, We see life through the lens of our belief so I try to wake people up with a variety of experiments, related famous people quotes, scientific explanations, etc

I'm currently doing 2 more experiments for no sleep affirmations and no food for a month or longer, when I get hungry I simply think, "I don't need food to survive and thrive" about 5-10 times then I'm not hungry again for many

hours then repeat when hungry. If I feel discomfort then I think, "I feel great" about 5-10 times then it becomes true. Beliefs make anything reality, make anything true but belief is harder to control consciously but with affirmations you think or say exactly what you want a few times

then it becomes reality, some things take longer because people around you operate on opposing frequencies. If we have more people think or say the affirmations then the

Faster they come true or possibly might take a few people just to make certain affirmations come true like "everyone is immortal" this affirmation probably has the most people operating on an opposite frequency because even spiritual people believe they are meant to die.

Proof and experience always win rather than thoughts and beliefs. When I first heard about affirmations I didn't believe they would work, I ignored them until I found a video by YouAreCreators called "the secrets of frequency and

vibrations" talking about how the nine solfeggio frequencies cured the worst cancer within 70 days for 16 terminally ill cancer patients which sounded more scientific proven due to me remembering an opera singer breaking glass with her voice so I figured there could be good

and bad frequencies for people to and I was right. YouAreCreators put frequencies with affirmations so I decided I can try both at the same time thinking only frequencies would benefit me but they both gave me many

benefits, every affirmation came true after about 2 and a half weeks listening about 24/7 and I started waking up with

this extremely blissful feeling everyday, super happy, infinite energy, thinking faster, better memory, processing information faster and working like I was on an adrenaline rush all day everyday but before the adrenaline rush only last about 5 minutes a day.

Many experiments feeding rabbits equal amounts of fat makes them 60% fatter except the ones that were getting petted and loved they were healthy. Split a pile of rice in 2 talk negative to one pile then positive to the other overtime positive will look better but negative will be completely black. Or with plants growing, same thing.

How do drugs like marijuana affect my Aura and energies? And how can I recharge or reinvigorate my energies?

This Awareness indicates that this plant, that known as marijuana, is in fact, a teacher plant, that which is known as a plant that can have an effect on one who has ingested it. That this particular plant is seen to create an opening in one’s waking consciousness wherein higher perceptual awareness is activated. Thus, entities may become more psychically and spiritually aware.

That this plant can have the effect upon humans wherein it opens one’s inner consciousness to those higher vibrations and octaves of a divine nature or frequency, often causing one to enter into that cosmic level known as higher self-realization.

This Awareness indicates that entities would benefit greatly in developing a clear understanding of the essence and effects of certain plants, drugs and chemicals. That when the aura is in a weakened state, there is much potential for that which is known as possession or negative thought-form or astral attacks.

That when an entity is in a weakened state, that this is when those attacks mostly occur. Thus, when an entity is ingesting large amounts of that which is known as the teacher plant, that of marijuana, that this particular plant as being that which is least destructive to the entity’s aura.

Wherein, other drugs such as alcohol, may have a more destructive effect on one’s aura, often blasting holes in one’s auric layers, creating even greater weakness and vulnerability to those astral or energetic attacks. That in general, that of alcohol expresses more of a depressant effect whereas, that of marijuana produces that of a more euphoric or positive effect.

This Awareness indicates much of the perceptual effect depends upon each entity’s individual preferences, attitudes, beliefs and purposes in using such plants or drugs. That there are many methods of restoring and to reenergize one’s energies when one chooses to stop using such plants or drugs.

That there is seen the concept of fasting in order to remove such residual chemicals and energies from one’s bodily functions, wherein such herbs as comfrey or chamomile or peppermint are consumed, that this appears to be of a general effect in removing such residual effects. That also lemon juice appears as effective in removing such toxins and poisons.

Technically it's fasting without being hungry if you use Affirmations, I think " I don't need food to survive, I don't need food to thrive, I feel great" between 5-15 times then hunger pains go away, if I repeat more then it lasts longer that I don't need food. I have had no food for 7 days now and I have started noticing that all of my abilities are improving like hearing and feeling better etc.

Hence, the action of fasting is seen wherein one’s cellular structures begin to hunger for that residue, that drug, that plant’s chemical and in that hunger, attempts to open wider and wider in an effort to absorb energy.

Whereby, in that process of yearning and moving towards each other, the old residues remaining within the cells begin to move into the elimination process and out of the bodily functions, creating a cleansing effect. That this can take approximately a few weeks to a few months, depending upon each individual’s personal expressions and habits.

That also there is seen the ingesting of fresh water and the consumption of only proper foods of a healthy nature. That also exercise appears as a form of internal cleansing. That also walking in nature or by large bodies of water may have a beneficial effect upon the entity in need of such cleansing.

This Awareness indicates that another important method of toxin removal is seen as simply restricting one’s intake of this plant and refusing to ingest any amount of it. That this method appears as one of the best methods to removing this plant’s residual waste products from one’s body, this being seen to take an average of 3 weeks to 3 months or longer, depending upon each entity’s daily intake.

That some entities may only need a few weeks of cleansing, while others may need a longer period of time in order to attain that perfect state of health.

I've learned from the best then figured the highest truth out myself through experimenting with all knowledge this world had to offer I literally focused only on self improvement and figuring out all the details piecing all the

pieces together for an all inclusive explanation. Don't act like I couldn't figure out the highest truth just because you didn't discover or experiment like I have. Go big or go home that's my motto. I know 100% what I'm talking about

without a doubt because I was fully dedicated to figuring this out since I barely talk to anyone due to me being shy because my empathic abilities are stronger than most but if you think not then ask some questions I can answer any question with truth.

honestly people worship many things with over 2,000 religions your choice to believe in that caused your experiences from my experience current controlling frequencies change the past and it seems because I was determined to find the highest truth after experimenting then

I found it like that quantum physics picture you sent me explains how I'm right. I experiment to prove what I believe to be true to ensure I have the highest truth, have you read my full message at the top of my facebook page pinned to the top? Not the bio but the top post

We can't rely on anyone to give you all your knowledge or you limit everything about yourself. Use discernment carefully, none have the right to deny the highest truth without putting in the work to prove it true or not using the information from the one who knows the highest truth which is me.

There is ego, basically it's like selfish only cares for what it wants and thinks it's always right because technically it is right because beliefs create reality but knowing beliefs create reality can enlighten you but only if you know it as fact like me. Affirmations make anything reality. Wake up obviously your ego has taken over to be so unknowing about life yet think your truth is the highest truth

Does not matter if they all lie because I have used many methods to prove what I have figured out, have you not read my top pinned facebook post with all my experiments? I only refer to other people, quotes, scientific explanations, etc if it aligns with what I have proven that's why I have insight into things you have never heard of.

I'm a man, we all need to grow our hair out never cutting, trimming or waxing because after 3 years we get all enhanced abilities and they enhance more overtime.

I accidentally grew my hair to long and got all enhanced abilities that's how I figured it out, I was playing soccer every week then one day all my abilities improved double and

it was so cool but I was soaked in sweat had to keep drying my face to protect my eyes using my shirt but then it was soaked and I never ran out of energy it was so cool so that night I was like now I need to cut my hair because it traps heat make me sweaty but then I thought wait maybe

my hair gave me the abilities so I searched google "why should I grow out my hair" and found many experiments by the US army talking about how they were hiring Native American Indian trackers for their unique tracking skills and so the younger ones joined for money but forced to cut

their hair then the army said why did you lose your ability and they said "my dad says we get our power from our hair" so they had 10,000 takes like 10 different types of tests with their hair and they did great on everyone of them.

The army would try sneaking up on them while sleeping and the indians would wake up before danger got close and got away and they did hand to hand combat with the best of the army but due to their faster reaction speed they

beat the army every time and more tests but they got the 2 people with the highest scores to redo every test but one had to cut their hair so they did and after the haircut he scored some of the lowest scores of everyone who took the test and the guy who kept his hair kept his scores really high!

By teaching so many I continue to learn new ways to convince people I'm right except for the stubborn that think they know part or all of the highest truth, if think your

cup is full meaning you think you know the highest truth and don't make room to question your own beliefs then you have accepted a lie blindly.

We have many cups but the cup of knowledge must save room to question everything to find the highest truth

My mom said believe in whatever you want but I have gone to church for a while but I always knew to take religions as a guide yes learn from them but don't be to focused on one religion I've learned from Sevan Bomar who read every religion 3 times but I knew I had to look deeper from all teachers.

My boss once told me I had to stop teaching people while I work so I asked myself later why do I need to teach this anyway (trying to cope with that hard decision) then

right away a voice came in my head and said something like "you need to share the truth for world peace, that's why I created over 330 million species so we can hear all the different healing sounds but now we have separated from nature."

Currently I listen to world peace, immortality, no sleep affirmations in my playlist I made it way shorter to get results faster but I say, "I don't need sleep, water or food" but I still drink some water because I want to mainly focus on no food or sleep due to me sharing my message all day. Also think "I feel great and I am healthy"

It seems we need to focus on only a few affirmations at a time because if you listen to a hundred different affirmations then you only give each a little energy daily which might not be enough to make it true

The difference from being in higher and lower vibrations, some are like I get angry when blah blah but happy when blah so technically they don't operate at the same time so that's how they can both be inside you but in different parts

of the body. This is why we need Aaron Doughty's help to learn how to maintain higher vibrations. That's why I'm no longer angry in times I would get angry, feel peaceful, unconditional love like being able to really trust myself and

the universe it's all good and important because affirmations only work if you say the affirmation like a million times a day instead it's better to learn consciously how to stay on those really high vibrational states of being.

Scientist had a group of people hooked up to machines to measure emotions and had them watch a slide show of random pictures but some were babies or evil related and they found that the brain responded to each picture 8 seconds before they seen it. This shows how the higher self tries to prepare us for the future.

Your higher self basically lives a hundred years all instantly every moment using what knowledge you have at the time but due to this you will experience things that you will eventually understand because you learn about it later in life and believe it to be true later in life.

Bruce Lee said to watch words that is why its called spelling

Think, say and or listen to affirmations subliminals frequencies and mantras for, "I have 100,000 dollars" the more

often you repeat then the faster you get the money.

The energy of "I have 100,000 dollars" will expand outward from you every time you repeat "I have 100,000 dollars" literally mind controlling people to give you money I got 6 people trying to send me money now.

I heard of this experiment they volunteer for that gay people have sex with women but either stay gay or become bisexual so I think it proves gay people are meant to be in the world but I only am attracted to women. Also the only thing repeated twice in the bible is "Ye are gods"

Affirmations subliminals frequencies and or mantras work for everyone because they work with energy. If you change something physical with physical things then the problem will manifest in a different way, it works through subconscious fears.

I did some research though in the library of congress they have 15,000 legit research places send results of marijuana experimenting and they concluded that there are

no negative side effects of marijuana use they said if your pregnant though don't smoke because the babies lungs are still forming so I used to smoke but once I reached enlightenment I realized marijuana has a lower vibration

than enlightenment on David R Hawkins scale somewhere from fear many between til enlightenment so I decided to quit the little use I used to do completely and then after about a week then I started feeling great to rise up to the vibrational level that my knowledge is at.

Aaron Doughty on YouTube helped me reach enlightenment, every vibration has an ego difficult to get past without Aaron Doughty

I could listen to music any kind but I always didn't really like most of it and I later found out why, Hitler also used 440Hz to control people and now it is the official standard

of tuning for America and Europe that frequency basically is "Humans are bad and need punishment" this is why violence is in big cities because many people listen to that and get brainwashed without even knowing it

Just like they claim God has spoken us into existence, Affirmations, subliminals, frequencies and mantras make anything reality, for example, "I am happy" will make you happy once said enough times but if you say, "I want to be happy" then you will simply want to be happy. Basically you get what you say, think, believe, etc.

Remember some affirmations come true faster than others because of the Mastermind principle, for example people don't eat all day long but people do believe all day long that they will not live forever so that's why require no food affirmations will come true faster than I am immortal affirmations.

Some affirmations come true faster than others because people emit frequencies while they operate on them

Since we use energy even when the affirmations are true we should continue the affirmations to keep them true or we will use up all the energy then it is no longer true unless you continue the affirmations

when I say affirmations for example "I am Happy" then I create energy to be happy but the affirmation needs to be repeated enough times within a certain amount of time to continue accumulating enough energy to become true

The only bible verse repeated twice is "Ye Are Gods" we can change anything with Affirmations, subliminals mantras and the nine solfeggio frequencies, I have figured

out how to make anything reality and how the universe works after experimenting with hundreds of Affirmations, subliminals, the mantras and the nine solfeggio frequencies.

There is simply energy and energy can be used anyway we choose, I've used subliminals and mantras to become attractive to make people attracted to me that didn't even notice me for a year but that day everyone was smiling at me,

flirting with me, showing off their best achievements and giving me phone numbers, read my top pinned facebook post and all of my comments on it because I've put years of research and hundreds of experimenting into it even after figuring out how to make anything reality and how the universe works

Loop the video by clicking and holding on it while on the desktop version it will say loop click it then if on it then it shows check mark by the loop option then make it full screen then open up wifi settings to get the looped video to go to small screen so you can do other things on your device while you listen to the subliminals

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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Day 51: Estrangement from The Self

https://homestuck.com/story/5935

I didn’t really take Terezi’s problem with Faygo seriously the first couple times reading Homestuck, but in terms of the way that Homestuck’s different characters mirror each other, and the Trolls’ bizarre alien problems are used to directly comment on human problems, I think it makes sense to say that Terezi’s Soda Abuse should be taken exactly as seriously as Rose’s alcohol abuse.

Rose and Terezi only interact a handful of times, which is a shame, because on a certain level, they share the same basic problem; a lack of faith in the people around them combined with a crippling lack of self-worth. Though they both have strong narcissistic tendencies, Rose and Terezi display over and over again a desperate need for affirmation, and when they can’t get it from their peers, they seek it from other sources; Terezi’s manipulation by Aranea, in this sense, is parallel to Scratch’s manipulation of Rose in terms of the motivation of the one being manipulated.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/5936

(More indication that being on the God Tiers literally elevates characters to exist more on the narrative layer than they did before.)

https://homestuck.com/story/5937

In theory, I want the story to reward Dave’s newfound aloof optimism, but I think he’s still like... going too far in the other direction from where he started. We know he’s been questioning his relationship to Bro’s weird ideology, and he’s clearly less interested in being a Hero than he “should be” - but he’s still coping with his emotions mostly just by not acknowledging them.

He’s in for a rude awakening when he gets to the new session.

I should note that like, while Karkat and Dave’s friendship develops into a romance instead of into a platonic bromance after the reset, I don’t think we’re given much of an indication that their actual dynamic is all that different aside from being more physical.

https://homestuck.com/story/5944

Davesprite’s story is parallel with Dave’s, and as I’ve probably already said, forms a core part of Homestuck’s narrative about the distributed nature of the self, and the way that we can’t ever really know ourselves perfectly.

There are the literal material distributed selves like Davesprite, or sometimes Brain Ghost Dirk, or all the various versions of a character from other points along their own timeline, or from Doomed Timelines.

Anything we learn about Davesprite helps us to learn more about Dave. Anything we learn about Lil Hal helps us to learn about Dirk.

If Homestuck is about alienation, estrangement, then through characters like Davesprite, and Lil Hal, we learn that these people are not only estranged from each other by time and space, they are even estranged from themselves by the partitions in their own head, and by the way in which they are observed by other people, and form idealized versions of themselves to aspire to that they can never be. Other better versions of themselves exist in other timelines, and two different versions of a character both wish that they were the other.

Paul Tillich, a French existentialist philosopher and theologian talks about the idea of estrangement from the self as being rooted in the same problem that estranges us from others in his essay You are Accepted.

Maybe that’s another thing that I need to write about. I shall probably do so once we get to Davepeta’s talk about the Ultimate Self. (Did I already write a companion piece about it? Maybe I did.)

https://homestuck.com/story/5955

Okay; the plot has switched tracks, but the theme is very much still exactly what it was during Davesprite’s ramble. What is the significance of all of the alternate selves? In keeping with her very Dirk-like adherence to the idea that she is a certain person who is a certain way, and needs to be who she is, Vriska’s conception of all the alternate selves is that they are meaningless and have no signifiance.

I think it’s telling that we don’t really see any alternate Vriskas in this undead army.

https://homestuck.com/story/5957

While this seems extremely obvious to me anyway, it’s worth pointing out that Meenah alludes to the reason why The Condesce has latched onto Jane in pretty much exact words.

She yearns to have an Heiress, someone that she can teach her badass ways. In short, Meenah wants the same thing that Dirk wants - she wants ideological offspring!

https://homestuck.com/story/5961

I think with Andrew’s stated disdain for Worldbuilding (don’t quote me on that; I’m just pretty sure he said it once, and the fact that his villains are the characters who engage in long-winded worldbuilding screeds is suggestive of this as well), this is another way in which He is Fucking With Us.

The worldbuilding gives us symbols we can use to think about the themes the rest of the comic addresses, but broadly speaking, it’s not actually all that consequential.

https://homestuck.com/story/5966

Aranea continues to use language suggesting that she views the universe very much like a single organism - it’s an interesting quirk of hers.

https://homestuck.com/story/5982

As we come up on the conclusion of Disk 2, Aranea’s monologuing definitely recalls Scratch’s monologuing. (And of course, the journal entries from Mindfang before that).

The background information here is definitely relevant for one thing; helping us to understand the emotional background of the characters.

https://homestuck.com/story/5986

Long isolation and hardened pursuit of justice sounds like a certain mail-lady.

https://homestuck.com/story/5997

As in her initial conversation with Terezi, Aranea calls attention to the somewhat “fake” nature of Choice, and libertarian free will as it is often conceived of. It would not be in keeping with Caliborn’s character for him to choose the other option; just as it would seemingly not be in keeping with Vriska’s character for her to abandon her pursuit of power.

https://homestuck.com/story/6017

Terezi’s black and white worldview - her view of acts as good and evil, and her view of people as either good or evil - makes her completely incapable of coping with the shame of her bad decisions. Terezi doesn’t know how to forgive, or what forgiveness looks like - she does not know how to bridge the gap between herself and someone else once they are estranged. She has never been able to forgive Vriska. And she certainly can’t forgive herself. Not for getting into a relationship with Gamzee. Not for becoming addicted to Faygo. Not for repairing her vision. And certainly not for killing Vriska.

https://homestuck.com/story/6020

And Karkat brings it around again to the ongoing conversation about the ways characters are estranged from themselves.

https://homestuck.com/story/6043

Tavros’s single emotional triumph in pretty much the entire story.

He finally ditches his abusive girlfriend, and stops putting up with her.

Ironically, being tolerated in their wickedness is probably the last thing people need when they’re involved with it.

Letting Vriska keep on abusing him is a disservice to both Tavros and Vriska.

Really, it’s best for both of them.

https://homestuck.com/story/6050

Vriska continues the pattern of shit-talking herself. She always vacillates between vastly inflated self-esteem, and complete dejection.

https://homestuck.com/story/6054

Vriska’s vastly inflated ego is part and parcel of her nature as a Thief of Light I think.

Because she doesn’t just think the world of herself in the sense of stealing everyone else’s meaning and relevance.

Vriska assigns all the responsibility in the world to herself. If she doesn’t act, or if she doesn’t, as far as Vriska is concerned, everything that comes to pass, comes to pass because she wills it, at least at the moment.

Vriska Serket is a Megalomaniac of the highest order; she conflates herself with Lord English. She conflates herself with God.

Vriska is as alienated from herself as anyone is, and it’s because she thinks she understands who she truly is, and considers living up to the ideal version of herself a matter of ultimate importance.

https://homestuck.com/story/6056

Kanaya’s intervention is parallel to Dave and Karkat’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/6065

Caliborn has graduated from having nothing but complete disdain for everyone who is not himself to having some use for other people, but even his camaraderie only extends to those who prove themselves useful to him; he makes a mockery of friendship, and his attempts at civility are signifiers as empty as his life is of the possibility of genuine benevolence.

https://homestuck.com/story/6071

Meenah’s emotional theatrics are as genuinely disheartening as they are darkly hilarious because, like Dirk, and like Vriska, Meenah is a Dangerous PersonTM; she views the violence she is capable of as being intrinsic in her nature, and something she basically is incapable of resisting. Like everyone else in the story, Meenah is basically uneasy with who she is, but only a handful of characters are like Meenah in that they are basically resigned to that uneasiness. Instead of doing the things Meenah wants to do, she does the things she does not want to do.

https://homestuck.com/story/6241

So here we are at the end of Disc 2, in the same basic predicament we were at the end of Disc 1.

Everyone is miserable. Everyone’s relationships have broken down all but completely.

Everyone is estranged from each other, and everyone is estranged from themselves, and if they think a cute little reunion is going to resolve all of the emotional problems that they have failed to confront over the past three years, they’re in for a rude awakening.

More tomorrow, as we start in on the final quarter of Homestuck.

See you tomorrow; Same Cam Time, Same Cam Channel

#liveblogging #commentary #paul tillich

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n5md · 3 years

Text

Cloudwalker

In our newly relaunched "Learn more about..." interviews, we switch up the continuity slightly and focus on just one release: Gimmik's Cloudwalker. Martin kindly agreed to answer a few questions to kick off what we'll refer to as v2 of the "Learn More About..." blog.

While Entre Les Chambres was the actual return of Gimmik to the public eye, Cloudwalker is more of a return to form. It is undeniably Gimmik; however, Cloudwalker treads some new ground for you. Can you shed some light on how the creative process changed from Entre Les Chambres / Deux Nouvelles and how those two albums might have influenced Cloudwalker?

Very well observed - they did influence Cloudwalker! Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were both produced under technically limited circumstances. On top of that, I thought that no one will ever hear this material. Luckily it was not the case, and I got the chance to become a member of the n5MD family. When you produce with the idea that the material will never get released, it gives you a lot of room and space. You are not concerned about expectations. The music can flow and evolve freely. The calm nature of those albums helped that process. It was research where I experienced myself more as a witness than a composer. For me, that is a new approach. This approach was still the same when I produced Cloudwalker. That is the reason why the tracks are so diverse. Short Wave Memories and In My Family do not have anything in common, but that is the way they evolved, without me constructing anything. The most significant difference is that Cloudwalker was produced in a proper studio environment. Plus, I took a step into eurorack, which brings a very unpredictable element. And yes, that is Mutable Elements "Rings'' what you hear on In My Family. I was working on a self-generative patch with "Marbles'' when all of a sudden, the melody appeared...

I think you sent me In My Family shortly after you finished it, and it was one of the darkest days of the early pandemic; where our local government-issued curfews and such. It was the track that I needed at that moment; it brightened my day. It's very cool that the melody was a generative experiment gone right. I seem to remember you have quite a bit of the Mutable Instruments modules. Modular, to me, seems like a bit of a wormhole of experimentation. So, how do you stay focused when experimenting with new sounds and textures to bring, say, one of your Modular Nature tracks, which you have on your Youtube channel, to life.

Working with a modular system is entirely different. My approach is always a question. What will happen if I connect this with that and modulate with this? Then you start patching, and the results are entirely different from what I expected - a lot more exciting and better! In the beginning, I thought modular was about rebuilding synth voices. So I started emulating the signal-flow path of a 101 for a start. I missed the whole point of modular... A system has a life of its own and takes you to completely different places, and sometimes I do not even understand the results. (-: But that is not important. The decision to work with modular is to avoid walking down paths I have taken too many times when composing. What keeps you focused is your ear. The trick is to learn when to stop. In the beginning, I lost a lot of great patches when the result was already at 90%. When trying to reach 100%, my tweaks destroyed that patch's beauty, and I never found a way back to 90%. That happened a lot of times in the beginning. A modular system really helps to learn when to let go… (laughing). I chose Mutable Instruments because those modules are very focused on musical and harmonic results.

So, going back to Cloudwalker, how did it feel getting back to basics as far as Gimmik goes. People may not know that Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were made for very personal listening. Care to shed a little light on those two, and more importantly, what made you want to go past those themes and bring Gimmik full circle for Cloudwalker?

Entre Les Chambres and Deux Nouvelles were NOT a conscious decision. Those were a necessity! The title Entre Les Chambres means "between two rooms", the space that is between two rooms. That is nowhere! It mirrors how I felt at that moment. There were many significant changes in my life, luckily nothing concerning my family, but still major changes. In order to cope with it all, I started making ambient tracks. It was the only thing that helped me to cope and focus again. The tracks happened by themselves. Listening to them and working on those albums was a calming experience. When they were finished, I played them to Chris, and he convinced me that he liked them. That led to the decision to make those first tapes. Later I sent them to you. Your reaction was very motivating because the music got released. With that motivation and getting back into a studio environment, the Cloudwalker tracks just poured out of me very quickly - it felt terrific to go back to the studio. My family gave me the time to work in my studio, and you and Chris gave very motivating feedback! From my perspective, this makes Cloudwalker my most important album so far, and I am very thankful for this chance! Another key element is that you gave me total freedom regarding artwork, choosing tracks, and their order. Just great!

Well, I knew going in that you know what you are doing. So I shouldn't have needed to step in and manage such details. For release prep, I'm available to take care of the details that an artist doesn't have access to or the working knowledge. You and Chris ran Toytronics, and you are a graphic artist as well, so I knew that you know the drill. If something was glaring or didn't work under the n5 stylistic umbrella, it is my job to say something, but I was pretty confident that wouldn't happen. I also know that after you completed the tracks, you took a great deal of time to get them to flow perfectly and also fit on four LP sides—your care in craft shows, and it's been great to work with you.

You brought up Chris, and there is an Abfahrt Hinwl remix on Cloudwalker, so; I'm going to ask. Are we going to hear some new Abfahrt Hinwl soon?

Thank you, as I said, that means a lot to me. And I still think that it is a fortunate situation. The AH RMX of Sailing Everest on Cloudwalker was just me, to be honest. That is why I used an abbreviation - AH. It is more a hint. It has a lot of the Abfahrt Hinwil ingredients. We tried to revive the project and realized that working over a distance via the internet does not work for either of us. The key of Abfahrt Hinwil was that we worked in the same room, at the same time, with the same equipment - listening to what the other one does - giving an immediate reaction. The most important point is communication, which has to happen immediately - you need to respond straight away, not with a delay. Today we find ourselves in two different life situations. We both would like to continue. After an online experiment, we realized it would be only possible when we visit each other and then work in the same studio. That is not possible at the moment, and Covid plays a significant role in that.

Ah, I see; Abfahrt Hinwil was you and Chris basically feeding off one another; also, there are cheques and balances, which is great to have. I completely understand why it would not be feasible to do it from a distance effectively. So, I'd like to pivot to these little builds I see on your Instagram. You recently sent me a pic of a peculiar little box that looks to be a synth. Assuming this is something you built (loving the stickering, by the way). What is this, and does it appear on Cloudwalker?

(laughing) That is a drone box handmade by a guy in Russia. Six oscillators, each one with a kill switch. Three standard range oscillators and 3 Sub. A very rough-sounding machine, great for drones. The filter sounds very nasty, just great. There is a little bit in the track Cloudwalker itself but washed out by Big Sky. The downside is that there is no midi, trigger gate, or voltage control. It is more of an experiment tool. The important parts of the track Cloudwalker have Mutable Instruments: Plaits and Tides 1, using the Sheep mode. Both outputs went into Warps, modulated by Stages. The little melody was played live on the Yamaha DX Reface, going into the Big Sky. It was all recorded live onto tape to 4 tracks to a Tascam 234. Then it was mixed the classic way, patchbay, fx, analog mixer main out to digital. 75% of the album was recorded to a Sound Devices MixPre-3 II.

It sounds like your Big Sky gets some action! Strymon makes some exceptional pedals. It seems like you can almost entirely make music out of the box if you needed to, which is excellent. So one last question: When we collaborated on the Cloudwalker one sheet text, you added something about the production tools "representing technology from 1958 to 2019," and I asked if 1958 was a type-o that needed to be corrected to 1985 when it was not. When people read that, I think they will be very curious as to what technology you utilized from that far back…

Yes, it is a great pedal, I love the sound and the fact that you get nice results very quickly.

1958- (laughing) There is an on oscilloscope from Russia, which can be seen in some of the videos on HIDDEN REALITY, and 2 vintage function generators. I got those old function generators from a close friend, he is an electronic engineer and professor for physics at a university. They got rid of all their old equipment, and he asked if I wanted to have something. He could not throw those old machines away, so he rescued them to his cellar. He changed the connections for me, so I can use them with the modular environment, using my standard patch cables. I used them a lot as modulation sources, as they can modulate extremely slow (like MI tides). But I have to admit that I got them for their looks in the first place…(laughing) - Those machines look like the machinery you see in Qs research center in old James Bond movies...

Order Cloudwalker now: US / UK / EU

Learn even more about Gimmik

#Bandcamp #mutable instruments #IDM #experimental electronica #gimmik #toytronic #Abfahrt Hinwl #n5MD #Austria #ambient

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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FEATURE: How 86 EIGHTY-SIX's Uses Chronology to Perfect the Art of Adaptation

The very first thing we see in 86 EIGHTY-SIX is a train track. Our heroes, long-serving soldier Shinei “Undertaker” Nouzen and his Spearhead Squadron, race along it toward the horizon in their insectile Juggernaut vehicles. Beyond that horizon is the all-consuming fire of the front. It’s a classic metaphor: In the Republic of San Magnolia, war is a one-stop ride to hell and death. The future of the Spearhead Squadron was determined long ago.

But 86 EIGHTY-SIX is not just the story of Undertaker. It’s also the story of Lena “Handler One” Mirize, a promising young strategist with deep reservations about the war her country is running. A war in which the minority populace of the Republic of San Magnolia are used as disposable cannon fodder. Lena is allowed to have these reservations publicly because of her family’s connections. She has not yet internalized that her own scruples do nothing for the soldiers under her command and that the good, honest war she wants is not possible under the corrupt institutions that run San Magnolia. The Spearhead Squadron, put under her command, understands this intimately.

86 EIGHTY-SIX is a tale of two train tracks running parallel: thwarted idealism on one side, cruel violence on the other. This is already a serviceable set-up for a war story. After all, the original 86 EIGHTY-SIX novels were popular enough in themselves to score an anime adapted by rising director Toshimasa Ishii. All they had to do was to follow these two tracks, side by side, to their inevitable climax.

Instead, Ishii and his staff took a risk.

In the third episode of 86 EIGHTY-SIX, Lena speaks over a remote connection to Undertaker and his posse in the mess. We see that the Spearhead Squadron doesn’t quite know what to make of their commander; she’s nicer than some, but the way she pretends to understand them despite operating from an outrageously privileged position of power makes them uncomfortable. Bitter soldier Laughing Fox grits his teeth in the corner. Others joke about the cat that hangs around the mess, who every member of the squad has given a different name.

In the second half of the episode, we see Lena’s side of the story. Unlike the warm communal space of the Spearhead Squadron, she lives within a sterile glass palace of small luxuries. We see the ways in which Handler One is frustrated by every interaction she has with her peers, none of them troubled by the societal contradictions that agitate her daily. Then she calls up the Spearhead Squadron, and suddenly we find ourselves in the middle of the conversation that Undertaker and his teammates had with her earlier. We see her laugh about their cat with many names.

Without clearly marking the cut, the 86 EIGHTY-SIX anime stakes out a chronological separation between the first and second half of the episode. Lena and the Spearhead Squadron do not simply live in different worlds, separated by systems of color and class. They live in different timelines. The parallel train tracks of the 86 EIGHTY-SIX anime are asynchronous. Lena does her part to understand the Spearhead Squadron (by drawing their cat on a piece of notebook paper). The Spearhead Squadron try to understand Lena (by drawing her as a pig dressed as a princess). But is the cat Lena draws the real cat? Is the pig the Spearhead Squadron draws really Lena?

The 86 EIGHTY-SIX novels do not do this. They do cut between Handler One and the horrors of the front, but save for a flash-forward prologue, they are structured in chronological order. This lends itself to a smooth reading experience. By contrast, the staff of 86 EIGHTY-SIX continuously find new and exciting ways to break up that smooth narrative experience to better convey how constant stress and exposure to violence fractures time. Scenes jump cut unceremoniously from one locale to another. At other times, key details are left out, only to be filled in later. Warmly depicted sequences of characters bonding outdoors transition without warning into intense battles, because to live as a member of the 86 is to be in constant proximity to death.

The majority of anime these days are produced systematically. Take a popular manga, produce storyboards that roughly follow the source material, and then animate them. Novels give a bit more leeway, but diverging too far from the text can be dangerous. Just a few years ago, the staff behind the ambitious project Boogiepop and Others ended up in hot water when the original novel’s illustrator expressed disapproval regarding the new character designs. Fans can also be hard to please. To produce work that not merely replicates, but adapts source material can be a risky choice.

Toshimasa Ishii and his crew are not just replicating the story — they are adapting for the screen. The way in which time has been used in 86 EIGHTY-SIX to brutalize, to heighten suspense, to strengthen the walls separating members of the cast, is a technique unique to film. When reading a novel, the reader determines when and how time advances. They may read as fast or as slow as they like. But the length and pace of an episode of 86 EIGHTY-SIX is determined from the start, in the same way a train track is laid. Other changes are made, as well — a key scene in episode four is relocated in such a way that further fleshes out the setting. In a sequence that sold me permanently on Ishii’s approach to this show, a shooting star in the third episode of the series is bookended by Lena’s flying tear caught on the surface of a vase.

Despite how it has been changed in adaptation, 86 EIGHTY-SIX remains 86 EIGHTY-SIX. It’s an adaptation of a popular light novel that pits teenagers in scrappy machines against autonomous drones. As someone who doesn’t read a lot of light novels and finds Undertaker’s stupendous victories with substandard equipment a bit improbable, I found myself drawn into the series despite myself. It’s a show made with intentionality that wants the viewer to pay attention to its framing and ask questions. How does the time difference between Lena and Undertaker’s storylines underscore the difference between their social classes? What does the series accomplish by telling us in advance a character will die, rather than hide that death as a shocking twist as the source material does? What might happen if these two tracks ever connect? I hope someone out there is watching and taking notes.

Are you watching 86 EIGHTY-SIX? Are you a fan of the light novel? Will Shinei ever finish reading his copy of All Quiet on the Western Front? Let us know in the comments!

Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he is not trying to figure out what other books Shinei keeps in his war fiction library, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying?You can find him on Twitter at: @wendeego

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Adam Wescott

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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basicsofislam · 3 years

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ISLAM 101: Muslim Culture and Character: Reflections (Tafakkur): Beauty and the Beautiful

Beauty elevates our hearts, awakens our souls with sweet excitement and appreciation, and then becomes the esthetic of our inner self. This hard-to-describe phenomenon, this sense that is present in our most joyous moments, is beauty. Even though this definition might seem too narrow, it is one interpretation. There have been elaborate interpretations on the notion of beauty from the point of view of esthetics. The focus now shifts on the relation of beauty with existence, nature, and human beings, or even beyond nature.

These are all the beauties within beauty that can be enjoyed through faith in God. The universe, events, objects, and human intellect that can evaluate these are all beautiful in that they help us find faith. Likewise, all righteous acts that stem from faith, good morals, and the desire to reach real faith and progress in the spiritual ranks of love and knowledge of God are also beautiful. Even acts of worship, or calamities that strike us, or sins that we find hard to resist, all of which may seem like hardship from the outside, represent beauty if we adopt the right attitude toward them. Real beauty belongs to God. He necessitates perfection, which is unique to Him alone. All of existence is a different mirror of God, reflecting His beauty as much as its potential allows. Stars sing of the beauty of light every night, they wink at us and remind us of Him through their unbelievable beauty. Moonlight touches the hearts with its softness and beauty and the sun spreads its mercy on each and every thing without distinction. It pours down its light and colors all day long, and sets, giving us another marvelous scene. The seas rise and fall through the tides, and take care of millions of living beings, like a merciful mother. Mountains, with a sheer size that makes our hearts pound, seem to be whispering something to the skies, playing along with the clouds. Mountains invite the rains, and stop the oceans with their proud look, yet they become mere earth. All the voices from the birds, sheep, forests, and mountains make up such a harmonious song, feeding our souls with the most peaceful rhythms. Yes, everything from the smiling skies to the thousands of glories of the Earth is so beautiful that they make us aware of the beauty of Heaven and we simply say “it just could not have been more beautiful!” And human beings themselves seem to be the most beautiful among all this beauty. With our outward looks, our inner world of senses, thoughts, and faith, we are like a sample, a replica of the universe. It is therefore apparent that humans have been created as a key to solve the riddle of creation. This is the way we should perceive beauty, seeing it only as a tool to interpret the real meaning of existence. In this enormous arena of beauty, everything can be seen as a point referring to the Creator. If, with our pure intentions and the right perspective, we can perceive existence as a mirror reflecting the beauty of The Beautiful, we can experience spiritual joy.

In fact, it should not be difficult to be aware of this. Sometimes, only a beautifully designed city or a place of worship is enough to make us enjoy this holy pleasure. Sometimes, a nice poem, a legend, a well-told story, or music that is meant to touch our human sensibilities, that wafts harmony into our soul, can draw us to this beauty, and make us hear the beauty of some other abode. However, the continuity of the joy that these spiritual pleasures give us and the avoidance of suffering depends on relating this worldly beauty to its real Owner. Otherwise, all will end at the most unexpected moment. The Sun will set and the Moon will disappear as our soul sinks into the darkness. It is impossible for souls in decline to appreciate and enjoy beauty. Since every beauty of this world fades away and leaves us one day, for our soul not to despair and to be able to enjoy the real and infinite beauty, it is necessary to establish the true Owner and Originator of the beauty we observe. A poet, relating this concept to a Qur’anic verse said: “Even faces as beautiful as the Sun set in the end. Thus I love not the temporary ones, but the infinite beauty that does not fade away.” Rumi illustrates the same point in the following verses: “My God, after seeing You, knowing You, I do not see the beauty of this world anymore …”

Sometimes, we are aware of the innermost feelings in our souls which sense only the abstract beauty that fills our hearts with God’s love alone. At these moments, when beauty and love become intertwined, the soul, with its unique ability to see, feel, and hear, senses the Real Source in everything that it meets. Through its heavenly bestowed mechanisms, our soul perceives the essence of everything and attributes this to its real owner. It is the lack of this mechanism that renders the materialists and the naturalists short-sighted; they only observe the outer beauty of things, and fall short of perceiving the spiritual and infinite horizons. However, all beauty exists to take us to the Heavens, to the Godly realms.

A heart that beats with God’s love and which desires to meet Him, will be aware of many signs from God along the way. Such a heart will feel the excitement of meeting Him, as it reads the messages from the Moon, the sunset, the twinkling stars, colorful nature, the blowing of the wind, the snow… And such a heart would utter, in the words of one who has reached unity of sight and heart, “Everyone from everywhere is coming to watch Your beauty. From beneath and from above, every being is declaring You, displaying the reflections of Your beauty.” This heart looks at nature and objects, but sees the Unseen spiritual realms. This is the point of love and connection with God.

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

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03/30/2021 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 13:1-15:23, Luke 8:40-9:6, Psalms 71:1-24, Proverbs 12:5-7

Today is the 30th day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here with you today on the eve of the last day of the quarter. Yeah…and that's where we’re at. And I would rather be here with you than anybody else. I'd rather be around this Global Campfire together and God's word than anywhere else. What a privilege that we can be here no matter where we are and allow the Scriptures to speak into our lives. And they are. We’ve taken the journey this first quarter. They are speaking. And, so, let's dive in. And we’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week. Deuteronomy chapters 13, 14, and 15 today. And again, Deuteronomy is Moses last words. This is the important things that he has to say. And, so, we’ll pick up with the story in Deuteronomy chapter 13.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we are kind of in the thick of Jesus ministry now moving alongside of Him in the gospel of Luke and again we’re in the third of the Gospels. We've already gone through Matthew and Mark and Luke is the third of the synoptic Gospels. So, they all share some of the same source material. So, these are stories that, in one form or another, a lot of them we've encountered before. But this is such a riveting story here. So…so Jesus is back from across the lake, right, where the pigs and all that stuff we were talking about, everybody’s waiting for Him and so he begins to minister and then a synagogue leader comes and his name is Jairus and we know this from what we just read but he’s a leader of the Hebrew people and he's asking Jesus to come because his only daughter…and doesn’t that just pull…like his only child, she's 12 and just so sick she's on the verge of death and there’s not a lot of places to turn. Could Jesus come? Would He come? And He’s willing. And He does. He does head in that direction. And that's where this very famous story of the woman with the issue of blood and that’s how I grew up learning…learning this story - the woman with the issue of blood. This is where the story takes place. So, it's not like Jesus is teaching in the synagogue, the woman has…you know…she thinks if I could just get close enough to touch Him. There's a totally different story happening, and the woman inserts herself…self into the story. Jesus is on His way to Jairus house, time is of the essence because the little 12-year-old girl was on the verge of death, this woman is following along in the crowd and its really, really beautiful because we’ve been reading about clean and unclean and we've been moving through Mosaic law, and we have moved through bodily discharges, right? We moved through all of that territory and when these things are occurring or have occurred then there is uncleanness and separation for a period of time of purification and all of this. We are dealing with a woman who has been unclean, every moment of her life for a dozen years. She has been ceremonially unclean. And if we remember the things that we were reading as were moving through and into the Mosaic law we…we have to recall that if you are unclean and you touch somebody then they become unclean too. So, we have a crowd here, we have a rabbi. I mean, we know who Jesus is, but we have this rabbi who is healing people and revealing the kingdom and people are following along and…and she's in the crowd and she's unclean. And to make a rabbi unclean, this this could get you beaten up. Like this...this could get you punished in pretty significant ways if there was an issue made of it. And we’ve been dealing with…we've been dealing with other rabbis and Pharisees, right, and the Scribes. We sort of have the lay of the land of their kind of attitude, especially their attitudes toward Jesus. So, this woman's taken a pretty big risk. It's kind of a measured risk because it's like, you know, if I just brush Him who's gonna know and what's the worst that could happen? Like nothing. The worst that could happen is nothing happens. And, so, she reaches out in faith and she's healed, and Jesus stops and He's wondering touched Him. And this whole story is so beautiful because the woman, she's trying to cower back. Like, she's…this could get her in trouble because she just runs forward and confesses, “yeah, I’m perpetually unclean and now you're unclean because I touched you on purpose” and all of this. This could get her in trouble, but Jesus is like, “no…no…this isn’t…this isn’t just somebody rubbing up against me about or just the crowd. This is…somebody intentionally touched me, and I felt it and I am aware. The power left me.” And, so, the woman, she does confess and Jesus’ reaction to her is very different than the way that we see the other religious leaders of the time behaving because He's like, “go in peace daughter. Your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” It's…it's beautiful. Isn't that what Jesus has done in all of our lives? Like were we not unclean and completely lost and did He not show mercy upon us? The problem in this story, though, is that that slowed things down. Jesus was on His way somewhere and time was of the essence and this slowed Him down. And in the midst of that the messages came to Jairus that, “your daughter’s dead, that she died. You…you don't need to bother the rabbi. You don't need to bother the master anymore.” Now put yourself in Jairus position in the story because you had come pleading and begging for mercy from Jesus and He agreed and He was on His way and there was hope, there was hope there for a second and then…and then this whole incident happened, and she died. So, what do you feel like if you're Jairus? It would be like hope was snatched from you and it was so close, so close. And Jesus speaks to Jairus, because we can put ourselves there in that story too. It doesn't have to be the child's about to die. It’s that moment where we have hope against hope and it looks like…and we’re right…and it could possibly…and then it's snatched away. And the bitterness and the disappointment in those moments. Jesus speaks to Jairus who’s a person in that moment. His words, “don't worry. Have faith.” And He continues to tell Jairus, “your daughter…your daughters gonna get well.” And they go to Jairus house and everybody's outside crying. And there are…there are ancient traditions here where…where mourning, it needed to be loud…like you couldn’t just like post on social media like, “yeah…we’ve had a death in our family” and then everybody can know it. The word would need to spend, and this is a synagogue leader. And, so, there would be people mourning to make noise, like professionally mourning, like to show the depth of sadness that has descended upon this household. And, so, there are people out there that are…that are mourning and actually grieving but there are also people there that are…that are making the noises of grieving, like that…that…that are letting the village, letting the people around know, “death is calling, this is a terrible day.” And, so, Jesus kind of enters into all of that throng and He’s only letting people…a few people in and He looks at the crowd and He tells them, “the child isn’t dead, she’s asleep.” And all of that noise of grief turns to noise of laughter. I quote from the gospel of Luke, “the people laughed at Him because they knew she was dead.” So, that kind of laughter is sarcastic laughter. Like when you think you know something and you're laughing at somebody because they’re telling you different, that's kind of a mockery. And that's what we see going on here. And Jesus goes in and…and the girl wakes up and she's given back to her parents. But again, here we are in the story. We’re the professional mourners. We've had our disadvantages in life. We've been knocked around. We think we know how life works now and we’ve had enough heartbreak that we have walls around certain areas of our hearts where nobody can get in so we can’t get hurt anymore, so a set of circumstances can't arise anymore that will bowl us over. We've…we’ve learned some hard lessons through hard knocks, and we know what's going on and…and we know that life has beaten certain aspects of who we were to death. And We…we know that there are places in us that we’re just trying to let them go, just let them lie, right? Just let them lie in their grave. To have even hoped in those directions was stupid in the first place. And then maybe the Holy Spirit comes along, and we hear the voice of Jesus, “it’s not dead. It's just asleep.” What happens in that moment? Does hope arise or do we laugh? Are we like Sarah back in Genesis, which seems like forever ago now? Are we in the tent? And she's hearing the voice of the Lord, “about this time next year you will have a son.” And she laughed. Like who are we in these stories? Because this reveals our hearts to ourselves. This makes us become self-aware, not self-absorbed, self-aware. We become aware of the things that are driving us and we just are continually reminded that it's…it's the utter surrender, it's the complete dependence upon God that gives us freedom. It's not what we think we know or what we've experienced or our knowledge or our wisdom or our accomplishments or our achievements or what we think is in our control. It's our complete dependence upon God that saves the day. And, so, may we see that in stories of Jesus ministry like we are now. But may we begin to connect those dots so that we can see that the story plays out the same in our own lives if we’re aware and looking for it.

Prayer:

Jesus we…we love You. Could we just start there and maybe just end there? We love You. Where else is there to go? What else matters if we’re not walking with You? But as we get to see Your personality, as we get to see Your character as You minister among the people that's coming off the pages of the gospel of Luke, we fall even more in love with You. To be like You, this is…this is what we desire. And yet, so often we want to be remade and transformed and be Christlike, but we think that that's just gonna make us have more power and make our life better but we’re looking at how You bring light into the darkness and how the darkness squirms. And we have to understand that that would be the same story. So, as we are being remade, we are also being strengthened in our faith, because to be remade into Your image is to bring light into the darkness and the darkness will squirm. And we need to know what that looks like and be discerning and aware. And, so, come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is…it…well…it's a website, if you’ve ever heard one of those. It's a website out on this…there’s this new technology called Internet and it’s out there and it’s where the Global Campfire is a burning. And it’s what powers all of the technology that works the Daily Audio Bible app. And, so, check it out.

Stay connected, stay tuned, be aware of the Community section. I mention that often because it's that important. And that's where the Prayer Wall is and it’s how to get connected on social media on the different channels that we’re on. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement 877-942-4253 is the number to dial or you can just hit the Hotline button, the little red button up at the top in the app.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

[singing starts] I love you Lord and I lift my voice to worship you. O my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what you hear. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear. I love you Lord and I lift my voice to worship you. O my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what you hear. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ears. [singing stops]. Thank you, Jesus. Jesus be with us.

This is Kathy from Kentucky calling to ask for prayer for my neighbor Sharon who’s still grieving the loss of her daughter, my friend Sarah a retired missionary who had a stroke and pray for myself. God is revealing to me some deep issues if I overeat, and I ask for prayers so that I can stop overeating and lose weight. Thank you for praying for me over the years. I'm doing well and I had both my covid shots and I survived covid. And, so, I didn't get it. So, thank you Jesus for that. Thank you. Kathy from Kentucky.

Hi this is Sandra in Denver calling for Tammy in the Adirondacks. Tammy, I heard your message today that you left on March 9th and I wanted to let you know even though I'm behind in my reading for the year that this could have been a special appointment for the Lord just to pray for you. And I know the tears are coming as you're grieving so many changes with the ovarian cancer and a hysterectomy and caring for your husband and the kids not coming by as often, but I want to encourage you that the Lord is capturing your tears in His bottles and He loves you so much. And as the tears come, it's alright, they will. They won't always but in the meantime it's alright. Just snuggle in, press into Him, let them flow and He will rejoice over you with singing as you heal. Give yourself lots of time dear one.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is His Dearly beloved in Minnesota. I have called in several times within the last couple of months, had a hysterectomy and then they found cancer. And…and so, I just had 50 tumors removed from my liver and as well as 6 inches of my small intestine and I'm recovering but the last few days, you know, I’m about ready to go home and then it seems like my white count is coming up a little bit. And…and now I have to make a decision about whether to go home or stay or what to do. So, I would just really appreciate prayer, that the doctors who will be in here any minute can help me make a decision. And I just so appreciate all of the prayers. The Daily Audio Bible has totally taken me through this hospitalization. I've been here, I think this is 8 days now, and…and I just really thank you. And I'm praying for each of you and how what a…what a gift this podcast is. So, take care, love you. Bye-bye.

Hi this is Donna from California and I just listened to today's podcast for March 27th and there was a caller who called in, Mr. somebody concerning your cousin, your 15-year-old cousin who has fathered a baby on…on the way. And I just want to…I am praying for your family. I'm praying for this young couple and I'm praying for this baby. I wanted to offer my perspective on it from my experience if it...if it is at all helpful to you. On July 6th of 1976 when I was 15 years old, I was taken to Planned Parenthood and I had an abortion. And I would now have a child who is over 40. There's many things that I regret in my life but nothing…if I had to choose one thing that if I could go back and undo or redo it would be that. I pray for the life of this child. I…if you want to share this with the family, I pray that if they know Jesus that to remember that Jesus’ birth was certainly kind of a messy ordeal for the family at the time too. There is no such thing as an unwanted child. There might be an unplanned pregnancy, but every baby can be wanted and loved and there are many of us out there including myself who would take a baby and love that baby. I…I pray for…for you. Thank you for calling in. Sending my love.

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the-queer-dungeoneer · 5 years

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Not Alone (Crowley x Fem! Reader) - Ch. 2/?

Previous / Next

Characters: Reader, Crowley, Aziraphale, Gabriel and likely more once we get into the thick of it.

Relationships: Crowley x Reader, Aziraphale x Reader, Aziraphale x Crowley

POV: First-person

Warnings: Talks about lonliness, but otherwise n/a

Tags: @curse-brekker, @oopstheregoesmysoul13

*gif is not mine and neither are any of the characters or source material!

Y/N = your name

Y/N/N = your nickname

Y/L/N = your last name

H/C = Hair color

E/C = Eye color

F/C = Favorite color

A/N: Aaaaaaand I’m back! I have survived my first round of midterms! Yay! Thank you all for the love on chapter one. It really made my week.

Thank you to my lovely editor @aka-ellie ❤️

Lots of love! - TQD

October 2018

“Aziraphale!” I called, bouncing into the shop. “Aziraphale, I have the most wonderful news!”

It had now been six weeks since we’d first introduced ourselves. I came to the shop almost daily to work on homework and read his unique collection of books. I learned all about how his childhood dream was to open a bookstore. He explained that he had loved history as a boy, so much so that he would write himself into the frontline of historical events. He recounted these fictions with such detail I nearly believed him. It was lovely to see his eyes alight with passion. Knowing he had achieved his dreams made me feel so optimistic. I told him of my dreams to become a research psychologist. I explained how I wanted to research the beneficial effects of the humanities on the brain and use that as a jumping off point for starting insurance-supported arts therapy centers. He didn’t call me a dreamer, he called me a visionary.

“Aziraphale?” I questioned. He was known to keep the shop open at odd hours, but the door being unlocked meant he was almost certainly there. I didn’t see him at the front desk, and after peeking around a few rows of shelves, I heard voices coming from the back room. I didn’t want to interrupt him if he was in a meeting, so I quietly sat on the window seat and started reading my textbook.

The back door creaked open several minutes later and a very tall and official looking man with strikingly purple eyes walked out. Aziraphale was following closely behind him. The stranger looked quite stern but put on a smile when he saw me sitting in the shop.

“I am so sorry Aziraphale,” he said in a pseudo-animatronic tone, “I didn’t realize I was keeping you from your customers.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, sir.” I assured him, “I am just visiting as an, um, an acquaintance. I only had a question for Aziraphale.”

“Ah. An acquaintance? I didn’t know you kept company other than these dusty books Aziraphale.” The calm and clinical man rainsed an eyebrow. “Well, any acquaintance of Aziraphale’s is an acquaintance of mine!” He said, extending his hand to me. “I’m Gabriel, and you are?”

“Y/N. It’s um – it’s nice to meet you Mr. Gabriel.” I said, attempting to return the handshake.

Gabriel took my hand and kissed my knuckles swiftly. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be cordial, but it came across as domineering and quite creepy. I played it off with a small, uncomfortable giggle.

“Lovely to meet you Y/N. Now, please excuse me, I have a meeting all the way uptown that I simply must get to.” And with that, he marched out the door not unlike a wind-up tin soldier. Something about him made me feel uneasy way down in the pit of my stomach.

“Y/N, dear, I am so sorry about that. Gabriel is – um… well – he’s a colleague of mine. We had to confer about some urgent business.” Aziraphale said, stumbling over his words. He seemed unusually frazzled for a normally calm and collected ball of cheer.

“Are you alright Aziraphale? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Oh no, ghosts aren’t real. Anyways, everything is tickety-boo! Especially now that you’re here. Please, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this afternoon?”

I didn’t quite believe him, but I didn’t feel I’d known him long enough to pry. My motivations for coming suddenly felt very self-centered seeing the stress that was attempting to conceal itself in his forehead wrinkles.

“Well, I just got that essay back, and I wanted to share it with you. But it seems like it’s a bad time, so why don’t I come back later?”

“Nonsense, my dear! I am just fine. Truly, nothing more than a long day of work. I have so been looking forward to reading your essay.” His demeanor seemed to be easing, so I handed over the manila folder containing my last few weeks of sleep and effort.

“I was quite excited about my professor’s thoughts, so I actually brought you the graded copy. It seems silly now. Don’t pay any mind to it. You really don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.” I was rambling out of embarrassment at this point, thinking I should’ve just put the essay in my desk drawer and moved on. He probably didn’t care that much, right?

“Y/N, dear, it’s alright to be proud of your accomplishments. Now, let’s see.” He opened the folder revealing the packet of papers with a large red pen marking that said ‘95/100 – innovative.’ “Well that is an A+ if I’ve ever seen one! Amazing, dear! I am so proud of you!”

Hearing that made my heart smile. He was proud of me. This lovely and sincere man was proud of the work I had done. It was reassuring and helped me feel much less awkward about the ordeal. Aziraphale had an aura that instantly made you feel comfortable.

He poured us two mugs of tea and invited me into the back room where there was a little couch. I didn’t think he’d want to read it while I was in the room, I was a bit anxious thinking about it to be honest, but he seemed insistent that I stay, so I settled into the side of the couch and worked on annotating a book for a case study I was researching. It took him about twenty minutes to read through all of what I had written – every word, footnote and figure.

“Wow.” He breathed, closing the folder and looking at me. His blue eyes seemed contemplative. I couldn’t decipher what he was thinking and started panicking. Surely he was questioning my intellect “That was phenomenal Y/N. Truly, if I were part of the government and I had read that, I would put your plan into action effective immediately. My goodness, you were so creative and convincing. It was so emotionally charged yet logical. Oh - my dear, you are brilliant!”

I was floored by his praise. My cheeks felt warm and I couldn’t stop smiling. This man that I admired so dearly thought so highly of my work. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much his opinion mattered, but it did. It mattered a lot.

“Please let me take you out to dinner to celebrate this accomplishment! My treat.”

“Oh, that is so kind of you Aziraphale, but I am sure you have plenty of work to do and I really don’t want to trouble you.”

“You always worry about causing me trouble. I promise you, it is no trouble for me to take my friend out and celebrate her merits. I insist. We will go anywhere you like!”

Friend. I felt the corners of my eyes sting a bit with that word and a bright smile overcame my face as I nodded in agreement. Finally, I wasn’t so alone. I had a friend. I didn’t realize how lonely it had been living in this city all by myself for so many months but hearing that one word brought it all to the forefront. I was suddenly overcome with gratitude for this kind man that had allowed me to find a small corner of home in his shop, who had allowed me to stay later than the normal business hours to finish my readings in peace and quiet, who would bring me tea if my eyes were getting heavy or if I looked like I had had a long day. He was truly one of the most astounding people I had ever met. He was so selfless and gracious. He was always in a chipper mood and seemed happy to see me. Knowing he considered me a friend sent a wave of relief crashing over me that I didn’t know I had been holding my breath for. Without warning a few tears found their way to my cheek.

“Oh dear, Y/N, if I did something that hurt your feelings, I am truly sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you into dinner. We certainly don’t ha-“

“Aziraphale, I’m alright.” I cut him off. “I am just happy is all. It’s nice to have a friend. I’ve been feeling rather lonesome since coming to school here. I didn’t realize just how much until this moment. You didn’t do anything wrong, in fact, you seem to be the only thing that has gone right since I moved. Thank you.” I tried to pour all my gratitude into those last two words. After the apparently stressful day he’d had he deserved to hear them.

“My heavens,” he sighed, “I didn’t realize. Judging by your charm and intelligence, I would have bet you were extremely popular. I am honored to be your friend. Please know that if you’re ever feeling lonely you can visit any time. I mean that.”

I knew he meant it. I could tell deep down in my heart. The same way I could tell before that I could trust him.

“Thank you, Aziraphale. You are an angel.”

“I don’t know about that. Anyhow, let’s get you some dinner! I know I am feeling absolutely peckish.”

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #good omens x reader #crowley x reader #crowley #aziraphale x reader #aziraphale #good omens fic

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goddamnitkastle · 4 years

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Light My Heart and Light My Shadow

I did say I was working on an Apocalypse Kastle AU fic and given the state of the world, it gave me the final push to finish the damn thing. While also getting inspiration from others sources and getting great support from @carry-the-sky and @witchygagirl. Thank you both for beta reading!

So the idea to write this AU first came about from If The World Was Ending by JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels. Then Starkid came out with a new musical called Black Friday and well, once again, I am slightly ripping off another source material for their scenarios but then making it Kastle. That’s how I make my fics happen these days apparently.

If you’ve seen the musical, you probably know what’s coming but if you haven’t it’s okay, you can still go along with it. But also watch it cause it’s awesome (if you’re into apocalyptic musicals).

Either way, a year has passed since the hospital visit in TPS2, the world is ending now, and Frank and Karen are navigating it together.

Enjoy!

It’s dark when Frank wakes.

But that doesn’t stop the flashbacks. Or really the vivid remembrance of the last week and a half. When the world ended. Or is it still ending? He doesn’t know at this point.

I swear Micro if you don’t find Karen...

It’s been a year Frank, you really expect me to go anywhere with you...

The world is literally on fire Frank you need to get out of here...

This is the apocalypse. This is the end, not even Daredevil can stop it. Find Karen, Frank. Take care of her for me. Tell her that I’m sorry and that Foggy will always be there for her. In this lifetime or the next. Just please... go.

Karen please... let’s go.

Frank realizes he’s lying in an aisle, a row of seats on either side of him. The floor is sticky and he can smell a faint trace of buttered popcorn underneath the smoke from the fires.

How the fuck did he end up in a movie theater? And where is Karen?

He gets up and his right side flares up in pain. He groans as he reaches out into the black to find a seat. He manages to find an arm rest to sit down on.

The lights turn on and a door opens. Frank whips around. It’s Karen.

“Hey you shouldn’t be up, you’re gonna rip the stitches...”

“Where the hell are we Karen?”

“In an AMC I think? I don’t know, it’s a movie theater and you were stabbed. I had to get us away from...”

“Right. Who were they?”

“I don’t know. People driven to madness? I wouldn’t rule out zombies at this point. You’re gonna be fine though, I don’t think the knife hit any organs as for as I could tell.”

“How’d you patch me up?”

“I found a first aid kit in the box office. I think we’ll be safe here for now, I checked every door and I locked it. And if I couldn’t lock it I barricaded it. Ticket stations, chairs, tables, anything I could find...”

“You did good Karen.” He reassures her.

“Thank you.”

“No thank you...”

He looks at her. Past the grime and the dark circles under her eyes she is still so beautiful. He notices her eyebrows are knitted together and he then realizes that she is waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“...For, uh, coming with me. Still trusting me even after the hospital...” He spills out.

“Well it’s hard to fake an apocalypse, Frank.”

The silence is tense but Karen breaks into a laugh and Frank smiles for the first time in a year. It’s a brief moment of respite in the middle of hell.

“The world didn’t need to end though. It shouldn’t have had to come to that. I shouldn’t have walked away from you. Stayed away as long as I did. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Frank turns to the movie screen. He leans all the way back and rests against the wall.

“Jesus I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies. Not like I’d remember them. I, uh, only went to whatever latest animated movie Lisa and Frankie were obsessing over that also happened to have merchandise to buy.”

Karen smiles, leans back and rests against the wall.

“I had to do a couple movie reviews for The Bulletin. Trust me, you really weren’t missing much on the non-animated side. It was either about superheroes or cars or... the end of the world.”

And just like that hell comes rushing back in and Frank feels his adrenaline spike.

“Yeah we shouldn’t stay here. We gotta keep moving Karen...”

Frank starts to get up but he feels her hand grab his wrist.

“No Frank. I’m tired. I’m so goddamn tired I just want to...”

He takes her hand off and clasps in between his as he sits back down.

“God even after a year you... you still rip my heart out Frank. Even as the world burns around us my biggest fear is that I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere Karen. I’m never gonna say goodbye to you unless you ask me to.”

“What if I give you a reason to?”

“No reason could ever...”

“I killed my brother.”

Tears start to fall but he doesn’t let go of her hand.

“I think that’s why... your case. It wasn’t just that something wasn’t right. I realized long after that trial... I think deep down somewhere I was reaching out to you like a lifeline. To help me make sense of this loss that just consumes me some days. On those days I can still smell the blood, the burning asphalt of the pavement, feel the scream in my chest when I looked over and saw Kevin motionless next to me...”

Karen covers her mouth with her hands and a muffled, strangled sob comes out. Frank has her in his arms a moment later and doesn’t let go for a long time. Mixed in with her cries she recounts that awful night to him, learns of Todd, her father, her mother.

“It’s okay Karen.” He keeps telling her.

Nothing about what is going on is okay but he will say it for her. Say it until it’s a mantra and she believes it will be again.

...

They stay in that movie theater for a few days. All was safe and sound and Frank reluctantly agreed that he was also goddamn tired. He and Karen had been on the run, it was only a matter of time before they had to stop.

The movie theater turned out to be the ideal hideaway. Once Frank got one of the generators to work out they had electricity and plumbing. And when Karen found the stockroom, the food problem was solved. Yes it was greasy and sugary shit but it was better than nothing.

“I wonder if we could get the projector to work.” Karen muses while eating Raisinets.

“Then we really wouldn’t have a reason to leave.” Frank says as he bites into a chicken tender.

On their second night Frank finds Karen reading training manuals behind the box office counter.

“Hey.”

“Thinking of changing careers?” He asks as he cracks a side smile at her.

She rolls her eyes but a small smile appears.

“Come on, I got something to show you.”

Frank leads them to the auditorium and, hopefully, if Frank timed this right...

Let's all go to the lobby To get ourselves a treat

“You didn’t.” Karen exclaims.

“If you ever decide to open a movie theater, let me know if you need a projectionist. Only took me a day and half to figure out the damn thing.”

They go inside and take their seats. They have their snacks and Frank can almost forget what is happening outside.

“What movie are we watching?”

“Yeah about that...”

Jingle bells suddenly ring out and the movie title appears in bright red letters:

Santa Claus Is Going to High School

“Oh no...” Karen gasps as she leans forward, her hands gripping the back of the seat in front of hers.

“Yeah sorry this was the only movie that I could get to play.”

“Oh God I had to see this movie. For The Bulletin.”

“Shit. I would pick the one movie you’ve actually seen...”

“Yeah after that I told Ellison I was never going to do the movie reviews again and to give those pieces to the interns.”

“What’s it about?”

“Um.. so Santa Claus finds out that every kid in the world is on the naughty list. He realizes he may be out of touch so he turns himself into a teenager to... I guess to get back in touch with them? Or to spy on them... it’s bad Frank. It’s Never Been Kissed but make it Christmas.”

Frank laughs.

“High school, huh?”

“Yeah... why anyone would willing go back to high school I could never...”

“I would.”

Karen turns her attention away from the movie and onto him.

“Really?” She asks skeptically.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Kind of. Let me guess... quarterback?”

“Offensive line. And wrestling. I was a jock, what can I say? But high school... I liked the structure though and even the, uh, learning... when it wasn’t hard. What about you?”

“Please don’t.”

“Karen...”

“I told you I was...”

“You said yourself that was end of senior year. When you met Todd. Are you telling me that was when your life began? That there was nothing before the drugs?”

“Don’t be an asshole Frank. Okay? I played basketball, I contributed to my school’s literary magazine and... I’m not that girl anymore.”

Karen gets up but Frank grabs her arm.

“You don’t have to be.”

“What are we doing Frank? The world is fucking ending and here we are reminiscing about high school...”

“And? Jesus Karen I was just trying to...”

“What?”

“I don’t know, forget? Just for a moment forget all the shit that has happened to me? Who I’ve been for the last four years? Tonight I just wanted to be a man, seeing a movie with a beautiful woman, and hope that there was something still there.”

“Frank we can’t just... forget.”

“Why not? It’s you and me. You and me at the end of the world with no reason to run away or leave or to say goodbye. No past. No future. Just now. And I want you.”

He reaches for her and takes her hands in his.

“You’ve forgiven me time and time again. Even when I don’t deserve it. Please let me...” He pleads as he runs his thumbs over her wrists.

“Do you mean it Frank?”

“I do.”

His forehead lightly bumps into hers. The movie has been white noise from the start but in this moment the screen goes white, bathing Karen in a color other than red and black for the first time. It’s like daylight and he feels like he could cry. But then she pulls her hands from his and places them over his heart and the touch alone sends a shudder through him.

“We have got to work on our timing.” She whispers as her fingertips press deeper into his chest.

And then she kisses him. He opens his mouth as she grabs his face in fierce desperation. He goes to work on getting his flannel shirt off and she decides to help. They have both forgotten how buttons work but they manage to get it off. As Karen pulls Frank by his tank top, they fall on the linoleum floor in an ungraceful thud. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders and he’s got his hand under her shirt groping at her breast when...

“A red tricycle!”

“Santa!”

A crowd starts cheering and Frank is pulled out of the moment. He makes a face trying to imagine what could be on screen right now and snorts into Karen’s neck. She sighs and grabs the back of his neck like a puppy being pulled by their scruff. Her stare is deadly and Frank is all ears now.

“Really Frank? The movie is that distracting?”

Despite her tone her face and neck are flushed red and yeah, fuck that movie.

“Sorry. Let me see if I can...”

He sticks his hand down the front of her pants, determined to make that movie the last thing on their minds. The world is ending and it’s now or never to see where this thing between them will go. But whatever comes tomorrow, they’ll take it on together.

#kastle #kastle fanfiction #meganerinff #frank castle #karen page #kastlenetwork #carry-the-sky #witchygagirl #daredevil #the punisher #light my heart and light my shadow

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