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lyraeon · 1 year

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This week on tales from therapy:

(honestly this got way ramblier then I meant it to and that’s the only reason it’s under a cut, but it does talk a lot about guilt complexes and emotional abuse so be warned?)

therapist helped me realize that I somehow expect apologies to be an instant cure all. That I was constantly expected to give them over tiny things when I was little and expected to drop anything that someone else had apologized for, even if they kept doing the thing.

This has hurt me in two ways that are, in retrospect, obvious, but which I hadn’t actually realized.

One I did start to notice last year but wasn’t sure how to handle: “I apologized, what else am I supposed to do?” Not as in, thinking that I didn’t have to change my behavior, but as in, feeling like other people didn’t believe my apologies were sincere because they were still hurt, even if it had been an accident. I had always been expected to just move on if someone apologized and it never really occurred to me that it was natural to still feel hurt because I always thought I was a shithead for it.

The other is the bigger one: I don’t know how to move on without an apology. I’ve been told I hold grudges too long and I’ve said myself that vindication is one of my biggest driving forces. I can’t truly believe that I was right and the other person was wrong unless they say so themselves. And that’s never going to happen in most cases.

I hadn’t even connected the two issues to each other. Hell, I barely knew what to do with the first issue at all and instead was just stuck in a zone where I assumed that if people didn’t forgive me when I apologized, they never would and now they hate me forever, despite the number of times I’d said myself to someone that I was gonna need a couple days to calm down about stuff. Which actually meant that virtually anyone that I’d ever even felt the slight need to apologize to - even tiny, “whoops sorry I bumped into you” or for talking to much - I assume subconsciously still hates me if they never said “it’s ok” or anything like that.

No really. I already knew that I walk around 24/7 assuming all but like 5 people I talk to are sick of me and don’t actually want to deal with me and that I’m on thin ice with 3 of those 5. I already knew that I existed in a constant state of assuming that I was inconveniencing others just by existing. And these are emotions that I already knew were bullshit and that my medication helps me drown out but not entirely. I had not realized until then that one of the most common things that puts people in to the “everyone else” category into the “safe 5 people” category for me is “I thought I upset them, so I apologized, and they didn’t acknowledge it, so I assume the way I upset them is so awful that it’s unforgiveable in their brain so now every time they interact with me I’m sure that’s the only thing they’re thinking of.”

Even when the thing that I did that I thought upset them was like. Send too many DMs. Or miss their stream. Or forget they were vegan and offer them ice cream. Or something else that they never actually showed real signs of being upset with me for, I just panicked and thought they were mad. So often I was apologizing for stuff they weren’t even upset about, so of course they didn’t say “it’s ok” or anything, because lol silly what were you even apologizing for?

And a huge part of why that’s my automatic assumption?

Because I had so many things that went on for so long that are the only thing I can think of when dealing with that person. Because my folks and my evil ex and some of my “friends” over the years have all had zero regard for how their actions affected me, and I was still on some level expecting an apology and expecting that to make everything ok. Because my entire system of right and wrong somehow hinges on making the bad guy admit they fucked up or something - like I can’t definitively say, “no, I was right to feel hurt” instead of feeling guilty about being upset with them until they actually say “I was wrong, I’m sorry.”

And honestly I think half of why I tell the same stories over and over to so many people is because I’m seeking that validation - I want someone to agree with me and say I was right, except it’s insatiable. No matter how many people agree it doesn’t matter because the one person in any given situation whose admission that I was correct mattered was never going to.

Ma is never going to apologize for anything that happened when I was little, because she truly believes she was just being a parent. My evil ex is never going to apologize for driving me further into my eating disorders or trying to control me because that’s what he was trying to do. The boss who made us work off the clock and smashed ice cream in my face is never going to apologize even though he’s in jail for domestic violence shit now because he’s the kind of guy who winds up in jail for domestic violence and also because he probably doesn’t remember I exist. So on.

I don’t need their permission to move on though. I don’t have to let this anger keep eating me.

And hopefully learning to let go of that will also help me stop assuming everyone else is mad at me all the time, too.

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spinningbagel · 1 year

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Sorry for any poor soul that ACTUALLY reads this 😭😭

Spoiler if you haven’t watched the show? (It’s on YouTube) but I really doubt anyone wants to watch the show.

Okay so I’m just ranting abt sheriff and his unaddressed trauma because it s the thing that keeps me up at night. And Ik the others also have their own trauma which is slightly looked into every so often but it’s only ever one episode and is never ever mentioned again. Sheriff’s trauma is more mentioned so I have more to work with here. Though I might talk about the others if the chance strikes.

Okay so first off; my guy canonically went to WAR ffs (and I swear it’s fact most people forget) And it got mentioned ONCE Like-??? He probably saw people get killed on a daily basis. Sure he was only in charge of the pigs but that doesn’t change the fact he most likely witnessed people dying. Also it’s war. It’s gonna be fucking traumatising. The constant fear for his (and most likely his brothers) life would’ve probably been HORRIBLE And like I stated earlier, he only mentioned going to war ONCE throughout the two seasons.

Next, from what I gathered he’s never been a well liked person. The first episode literally shows a whole town looking at him with murderous intent. The guy probably didn’t have friends growing up and is so used to being alone and hated my guy probably just EXPECTS people to hate him. That thought alone is depressing tbh

In episode 21/22 when it’s first revealed that he’s part mutant then there’s this whole discussion between him and the purple meatball before he’s thrown into a cell with his ‘friends’ and they literally call him a ‘freak’ and ‘a person who let us down’ LIKE-??? HUH?? Do you know how crushing it is to have people you trust and consider family basically turn on you the moment they consider you a monster??? Sheriff probably was crushed. He cares for these people and they’ve just called him a freak and turned on him in an instant. And when they finally come around (gotta love vegan-su for that) THEY DONT APOLOGISE??? THEY ARE LIKE “okay cool we know we just called you a freak and basically betrayed you but we can be friends again.” NO APOLOGY OR ANYTHING??? AND SHERIFF JUST GOES WITH IT??? I understand this IS a kids show but they could’ve at least said sorry even if it sounded so insincere. But anyways- how desperate do you have to be for caring people in your life that you just accept back people who literally hated you less than a minute ago. I feel like he needs a day to be angry/upset and process wtf just happened and for his ‘friends’ to actually fucking apologise to him.

Ryan was not dead. He was the fucking supreme master. Imagine this: you’ve been led to believe your brother is dead and despite the guilt you manage to slightly recover only to find out he had been the one you have been trying to stop the entire time. Idk about you but that would feel absolutely terrible to me, to find out your brother is a villain and to have to fight him? At this point Sheriff is just being spoon fed trauma.

Uhm well pretty sure that’s it lol but I’m not too sure. Take everything written here with a grain of salt, it’s just me and my thoughts about Sheriff & his trauma (because who doesn’t over analyse a tv show character’s trauma?)

#aaaaaaaa #shit post #me ranting #about random shit #mutant busters #mutant busters sheriff #yaaaaay #yippie #idfk bro #i need therapy #Bagels rambles

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terastalungrad · 7 months

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BB20: Tuesday 17 October

Laughter yoga! Housemates must laugh continuously for five minutes without stopping. If any of them stop, they incur a fail for the task.

This is a horrifying task, and a horrifying piece of television.

Kudos to Hallie and Jordan for maintaining five minutes of sarcastic laughter.

And kudos to Jenkin, whose laughter sounds genuine!

"Namaste," says Olivia when the task ends.

PR management today. Firstly, Hallie makes a speech to everyone, apologising for being a diva yesterday, and moaning about the food and the cold of the camping task. I imagine she's worried her negativity has put her in the firing line for nominations, but still. It's a nice moment.

And everyone is very nice in response, apart from Olivia. Hehe.

Next, Noky talks to Chanelle. There is no need for this. Noky continues to worry people think she's selfish or forceful, and to change this, she decides to stop being selfish or forceful guilt Chanelle into thinking Noky's a good person.

In fact, it's more than this. Noky wants everyone to speak up about their desires, so Noky won't have to feel guilty when she speaks up about her own desires.

Delightful moment next, so let's make sure you know the characters:

Henry - posh gay Tory boy, a foppish idiot

Jordan - deadpan bisexual working class kid whose accent he learned from Downton Abbey

Matty - gay hippy doctor, in an open relationship

Jordan and Henry spend all their time together. Looks like Henry's in love with Jordan. Jordan keeps his cards closer to his chest.

Hanging out in the garden, Matty starts flirtatiously poking Jordan's leg.

Jordan: Matty! Not in front of my husband.

Henry: He cheats on me quite regularly, Matthew.

Jordan: It's the hallmark of a good marriage.

Henry: It's all part of our relationship.

Matty: Is it open? Or is it not open?

Jordan: No, it's not open. Not at all.

Henry: It's all done behind -

Jordan: It's all covert. That's what makes it exciting. If it were open, we wouldn't have that excitement.

Henry: He's sleeping with his tennis teacher. And I'm sleeping with the headmaster at Tarquin's school.

Jordan: I'm sleeping with a yoga one and a secretary too. These are all different people.

Henry: Our son's called Tarquin.

Matty: Tarlequin?

Henry: Tarquin.

Jordan: Our daughter Tarlequin, we had to send her away.

---

Jenkin is annoyed by Hallie constantly talking to the cameras.

(I love Hallie talking to the cameras.)

New conflict just dropped:

Tom confronted Jordan about not doing enough in the house.

Jordan doesn't think Tom's a close enough friend to be allowed to say such a thing.

Trish suspects (wrongly) that Tom wasn't merely expressing his own opinion, but that he was a messenger for a clique's opinion.

Trish perceives more malice in rival friendship groups than there really is. Projection perhaps! Trish's low opinion of Hallie is one of the most strongly negative opinions we've seen between housemates so far.

Oof, they fail the week's shopping task, because they failed to be happy at all times, and they failed the laughing task.

Chanelle: I found that one really hard, my cheeks were hurting!

Olivia: That's the botox, Chanelle.

Dylan takes charge of the shopping list. They're on a limited budget, and this seems to bring out the best in most of them.

Noky, on the other hand, is furious at the lack of vegan yoghurt. She points out that if there'd been a lack of Halal options when Farida was in the house, that would've been blatantly wrong - and yet!

She makes a fair point about vegan options, but I don't know if it's a good look to be saying, "it's one rule for Muslims and another for vegans".

Noky heads off to the diary room to raise this point, before Dylan has a chance to point out - there actually IS a massive dairy-free section. lol.

Anyway, Noky and Dylan have good conflict resolution skills, so it's all fine in the end.

Tom has done some eavesdropping, and clocked that a number of people are annoyed by Zak - Kerry, maybe Hallie. Tom reports this to the Welsh contingent, and the three of them agree that Zak annoys them.

Matty's annoyed by the amount of moaning and fighting caused by the "minor inconveniences" of food rations. We're really seeing cracks form in the group today. It's a testament to this warmer, more compassionate version of Big Brother that it's taken over a week to get to the kind of stress that would've been Day 2 of Channel 5 Big Brother.

(I might be wrong about this being a Channel 5/ITV divide. Tumblr user @beingbigbrother made it sound like the final Channel 5 series, BB19, wasn't that different to this current series.)

Olivia thinks mild cheddar is shitty. I'm happy to endorse this opinion.

Oh no! Zak makes a sexist joke. Trish calls him out on it. And - okay.

Now listen. Lefties of the internet. I love you. I am you. But this is how we argue sometimes. Trish calls out Zak's sexism, and then enters into Debate Mode. But her arguments don't make sense. She's no longer calling out Zak on his joke - she's arguing against a strawman sexist man.

And Zak just isn't sexist in the way she's claiming. His joke was certainly sexist, but he isn't incapable of listening to women. What his joke reveals is that he has greater tolerance for men who complain than for women who complain. That's definitely a problem - but Trish presenting him as someone who can't respect any woman who didn't give birth to him? That's not true.

And presenting him this way gets away from the extremely valid criticism. Zak can no longer understand how his joke was sexist, because Trish's argument is so clearly false.

If Zak's inability to respect women (other than his mother) causes his joke to be sexist, then the fact that he doesn't suffer from an inability to respect women makes him think the joke isn't sexist.

But the joke is sexist.

Jordan preformatively washes the dishes.

"You see?" he tells Tom. "I do that every night. You just don't notice."

This isn't true. Jordan is gaslighting.

"I don't even know how to light a gas fire."

Tom's happy to roll with it, though. He's avoiding conflict like the plague. He thinks something's going to kick off tonight.

That gets Jordan's attention.

Tom thinks the failure of the task means there's a powder keg ready to explode.

Zak's certainly on the defensive after the sexist joke conversation. He snaps at Hallie a bit.

Interesting hearing Zak and Trish talk later. I hadn't noticed this bond forming, but they get on amazingly. Zak's joke was deliberately provocative - that's their sense of humour. But being called problematic - especially since Olivia and Hallie joined in - has put him on the back foot.

Imagine if Yinrun won this. That would be so good. Is that feasible? I know Tumblr loves her. Not sure if that extends to the rest of the viewership.

Chanelle tells Hallie and Paul that she feels like sometimes, when Zak speaks, it's "the Zak show". Chanelle heard this point from Tom, who overheard it from Kerry. An observation spreading like a memetic virus.

I have a theory. Today, Zak's ironic sexism has really entertained his friends. Kerry, Olivia and Noky find him hysterical.

But outside the group, people like Tom, Chanelle, Jenkin and Hallie find his behaviour obnoxious and irritating.

In the diary room, Zak thinks he's been "a bit of a menace", "just winding people up". He definitely thinks it's all fun and games.

I have thoughts on this as a comedian! It's very easy to think everyone likes you when you're surrounded by laughter. But the laughter can drown out the quiet judgement from others - until it's too late.

When Ricky Gervais delivered his transphobic routines to thousands of people in arenas, their laughter masked the backlash - until it became a meme that Ricky Gervais is an unfunny transphobic dinosaur. By then, it was too late. You had your fun, and now the invoice is due. You're no longer the edgy bad boy who frightens conservatives with blue rinse. Now you're the untrendy middle-aged cringemaster whose enemies are young people with piercings and cool haircuts.

"Never have I ever hooked up with more than one person in one evening."

I love Never Have I Ever.

Laddy Paul doesn't drink, but he mimes a drink for this one.

Jordan drinks. Everyone's shocked and scandalised. You think neurodivergent people don't fuck? Once again, evidence that nobody in this house is on Tumblr.

"I was once young", says 26-year-old Jordan.

"Never have I ever had a threesome or foursome," says Paul.

Jordan drinks again.

"Never have I ever peed in a swimming pool," says Yinrun.

Every British contestant drinks.

Jenkin - who self-identifies as a big lad - has been limiting his eating out of consideration. So it's annoying when others eat more than him, and complain about a lack of food.

"What housemate are you referring to?" asks Big Brother.

"Oh, don't be nasty. Zak."

If you'd told me before this episode that everyone was going to turn against Zak, I'd have been so surprised. But - I can see it. A handsome, charismatic man, he just doesn't have the skillset to notice when people are annoyed by him. He's so good at slipping out of trouble in the moment, it doesn't occur to him that the source of the annoyance persists.

#bbuk

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agro-carnist · 3 years

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TW: ED (Speaking anonymously for obvious reasons. Read past the first sentence please lol)

I am a primarily plant-based person ( meaning I do not consume animal products except if it’s something that is offered to me containing eggs or dairy, then I’ll eat it, but I’m no vegan, there is a difference here), mainly for health ( I cannot properly digest meat and I’m slightly lactose intolerant) and ecological reasons. Vegans and ARA groups are spaces I joined when I was looking for recipes and all, and three of my close friends are Vegan/ARA.

Two of them clearly have eating disorders, and I’ve noticed that EDs are a big thing amongst vegans. Doesn’t help that LOTS of vegan influencers push disordered habits under the "health" pretense. I’ve legit seen one say being vegan can help with cancer, that oil kills people ( while misinterpreting studies) and that being vegan can help with COVID. My friends believe it can cure every illness, do not use oil and restrict what they’re eating to be healthy like crazy ( Orthorexia). Sometimes, if the meal is fatter, they only will eat ONE per day.

It’s quite a common thing amongst vegans. I wish they’d at least address this issue, but nobody will because they’re so stuck on their moral superiority to actually notice lots are harming themselves. It’s quite sad.

Yes thats a huge issue among vegans. It's very disturbing how much veganism and eating disorders are connected. It encourages really bad relationships with food. I've seen videos of vegans that were told they need to start eating animal products again break down and cry because of all the guilt they feel and that just isn't healthy

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gerrydelano · 2 years

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HI! new installment!!! the title of this one….. love this shit sm. anyways figured i’d livereact because it’s been a while since i’ve done one and im just hanging out by the pool rn so i have nothing to do! ok it commences 😵‍💫 jon making tea my beloved……. i love him i love him!!! hiiiii adelard i feel like basira has so much going on and while i don’t love her i do feel bad for her.. jon uses almond blossom conditioner? nice. basira girl don’t go back to the force girl don’t even think about it especially since you’re Dark-ed now. i don’t know why but that feels like a very bad idea lol <3 “sword and shield” i do love the analogy tbh. immaculate. jon getting compared to internet vegans….. ough. that’s rough buddy 👍 ex (ish) catholic martin we (ex catholics) love to see it.. i did go to ash wednesday this year though i think??? made me late to choir rehearsal lol ugh. that shit makes you break out so bad. ohhh martin is jealous…. man. tattoo!!! yesss. ohhhh melanie…. she’s being very sweet w basira which is nice! are they hitting the bong?????? ok go off i guess JON???????????? JON WHY DID YOU STEAL FROM MIKE CREW??? that’s such a bad decision .. who’s this guy? oh it’s salaesa…. hmmmm…. anyways i loved this so much your tma writing is like everything for me !!!

damn, that was fast! hey! i hope you're having fun at the pool nice

jon making HUGE tubs of masala chai my BELOVED!

basira has So much going on, like. a big point i want to make here in terms of Everyone is "a person can be right About something and Have a right to their feelings, without being IN the right and always justified." that goes for daisy here, too, but like... very much basira on a whole. nobody deserves what she's going through rn.

jon takes personal grooming VERY seriously. he smells Lovely

she doesn't want to go back to the force!

hang on Spoiler Time

you know the whole "your first thought doesn't define you, your Second one does" thing? they're pressuring her to say her First Thoughts, her gut feelings, the things she doesn't even agree with and wouldn't act on but has to Process Aloud if she wants to suppress the dark. it sucks a lot! but she's only saying all of That out of a sense of ingrained guilt and responsibility, dw.

daisy and basira as sword and shield (derogatory) vs danny and martin as sword and shield (benevolent)

JUDITH TORE HIM A NEW ONE WITH THAT YEP. queen

oh yeah he's very heavy on the EX there but the slaughter bullet is Doing Things to him about it and WUH OH!

VERY JEALOUS HGBJKN LIKE! divshah triggers the shit out of danny because she reminds him of the contortionist but it only hits danny after that Martin Didn't Even Know That, He Just DID This. JHBKJN. "Oh,"

melanie is the kindest person in tma i stand by that. she has no reason to PUNISH basira right now, like. she's being punished enough! she needs a friend rn! and melanie is the best suited for that atm.

they sure ARE hitting the bong! dream blunt rotation

SURPRISE! JON IS A FUCKING WILDMAN AND NEVER LEARNS! EVER! he's about to regret this so fucking hard lol

hiiii salesa mikaele salesa who everyone thought died in an explosion in 2014 what uhhhh what brings you here aha screams

thank you so much as always! i'm thrilled that you enjoyed the chapter 😭

#asks #oliverbanks #pbr tag #reviews

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mythosaur34667 · 2 years

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I would like any commentary about Mando-ger please <3 It's my favorite of yours (so far). Spill the (coffee) beans!

Yay, I will gladly spill the tea for you (just like IG, lol!). ♡ ALSO! I added up my posted + unposted fic for 2021, and my wordcount is 153,304 words! (All Dinfeld!) Only 40k of that is posted, so I will have a lot to post in 2022 as I finish polishing and editing. 😊 I Demand to Speak to the Mando-ger Director's Commentary for Chapters 1 and 2! Chapter 1 The whole fic was born from a post about plot bunnies, literally something like, "Tell me your ideas." And I was only writing my (still unposted) longfic at the time, but then I started thinking, wouldn't a Mando coffeeshop AU be funny? And then I started writing it down. Then I went for a walk and basically came up with an outline for 3/4 of the story. It originally had more of a "hopeful ending" than the happy ending it is going to have now. The first sentence of the doc for a long time was, "Oh no, the Grinch had a wonderful, awful idea." Other than that, the first part I wrote was the exchange that appears in the summary. Also the title existed from the very beginning. I had the title before I worked it into the actual story with the nametag prank. I was worried about it being too silly, but thanks @urisarang for saying to go with it! I really can't imagine it being called anything else.

When Bo-Katan is trying to combine coupons and Din lets Cara deal with it, I wrote it that way because I didn't want to deal with Bo any more than Din did! I added the line about someone thinking spotchka is vegan because I had no idea the first few times I watched Ep 4 that the spotchka was made FROM the krill! So, very much not vegan, lol. Glasses!Paz was inspired by art of Jon Favreau as Paz without the helmet. Also I really enjoyed writing Paz being a supportive big brother and then turning around and stealing Din's krill snacks! Chapter 2 Lots of the operational details from Chapter 2 are remixed from real life, including the horrible ice machine. I did have a coworker who rode a motorcycle to work and brought his helmet in with him, but he wasn't an a-hole like Toro! And I toned Toro down by having him dance *behind* the bar; I had a real-life coworker who danced *on* the bar! Greef would have fired Toro on the spot if he'd done that on top of everything else! IG breaking the blender is a memorial to my friend's blender that broke irl due to a spoon being left inside. RIP! For the looooongest time, the draft of Greef's line read, "Sometimes this job sucks like [Star Wars metaphor for something that sucks]." This was one of the very last hurdles for posting the chapter! I wanted something that sounded vaguely inappropriate, but not too bad. I was so satisfied when I finally came up with, "Sometimes this job sucks like a mynock’s mouth on an unshielded power converter." One element that was always part of this fic was Din deciding to show his face for his own sake. I wanted Din and Migs to be able to interact later without Migs having that guilt associated with seeing Din's face. The cashier at the gas station is the Weequay bartender from Mos Pelgo, but he doesn't have a name in the show, so it was hard to make it obvious who it was supposed to be. In the book "Tales from Jabba's Palace," the Weequays have what is essentially a Magic 8-Ball, so that's why the cashier has one in Mando-ger. I spent a long time figuring out which Star Wars animal to use in the "deer in the headlights" line before deciding on "kybuck." At first I had "fathier," but then I remembered that fathiers are really freakin' tall and might not be blinded by a car's headlights? So I looked up a bunch of other Star Wars animals for this one line. Okay, so. I do not like slushies very much. I also hardly ever go inside at the gas station. BUT for this fic I went to the gas station when I did not even need to buy gas, purely to buy a slushie to make sure I wasn't getting any details completely wrong!! And then I gave most of the slushie to my husband, because he does like them! Similarly to Migs, I didn't want Grogu doggie to be the reason Din had to show his face. While Din had to go through a lot more than he planned by rescuing Grogu, Grogu wasn't the reason he broke with the Creed. Thanks for the ask! ^_^ Rereading the first two chapters to write the commentary was fun! I'm planning to have Chapter 3 up before the end of January!

#Dinfeld #My fic #Director's Commentary ask game

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the-glitter-acetylcholine · 4 years

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Sexual Health Resources!!

Okay, so this list is mostly just links that I want to save for myself, but they could probaly help you too. Almost all of these sites are specifically aimed at afab people, and some of them use feminine gendered language (notably, all links including “girl2girl” assume readers are cis girls), but the info could be useful to anyone. I got most of these links through the girl2girl.org program, which is a 2-ish month long sex ed and pregnancy prevention program for teen wlw. I know this stuff can be super awkward, but it’s really worth knowing, especially since the sex ed system in the U.S. is literal trash.

General Info

https://www.scarleteen.com -- really good info, trans, nb, and intersex inclusive, with specific parts of the site dedicated to gender and disabilities (among other things! i really recommend giving this site a look-through sometimes when you're bored, it's my favorite on this list and it has in-depth information on every category i list below)

https://www.plannedparenthood.org -- similar to scarleteen, though not specifically oriented towards teens; you may already know this, but planned parenthood does more than abortions! check out the "learn" tab for in-depth info on all the categories below.

https://girl2girl.org -- 2-ish month long sex ed program for teen wlw, completed via text (same as above)

https://sexetc.org/states/colorado/ -- info on rights to abortion, birth control, STD testing and more, organized by state (tbh this one is another favorite, the whole site is defo worth exploring)

Domestic Abuse/Sexual Assault

http://TheHotline.org -- info on domestic abuse, 24/7 hotline, and resources for abuse survivors/victims

http://Loveisrespect.org -- similar to above, specifically for teens and young adults

http://ohl.rainn.org/online -- sexual assault hotline and resources

Pregnancy and STD Prevention

https://quiz.girl2girl.org/? -- quiz to help afabs determine which birth control methods work best for them, provides links to relevant resources upon quiz completion

https://www.nurx.com/our-services/ -- cheap, online birth control, STD testing, emergency contraception, and (bonus!) migrane treatment

https://girl2girl.org/resources/condom-app/ -- information about iCondom app (locates nearby condom purchase options) and links to app store for android and iphone

https://girl2girl.org/contraception/ -- infographic about various afab contraceptives

https://girl2girl.org/sexually-transmitted-diseases/ -- infographic about STDs, their symptoms, and treatment options

https://gettested.cdc.gov -- CDC STD testing options

https://sexetc.org/action-center/clinic-finder/ -- HIV/STD clinic finder (for testing or treatment)

https://www.glydeamerica.com -- vegan condoms, in case you’re worried about latex and all that

https://girl2girl.org/how-to-use-a-condom/ -- video on how to use a condom (don’t worry, it’s not explicit, and it doesn’t automatically play when you open the tab)

https://girl2girl.org/female-condoms/ -- video on how to use a female condom (non-explicit, doesn’t automatically play)

Pregnancy Termination

http://www.afterpill.com -- morning after pill!! (okay, this doesn’t technically count as termination but you do it after sex so I’m putting it here) (also pls know that the shipping isn’t super fast, so if you need the pill immediately, you should get it in person at a pharmacy or large retail store)

https://www.plannedparenthood.org -- planned parenthood site

www.plannedparenthood.org/online-tools/chat -- planned parenthood live chat (not 24/7, unfortunately)

Other Important Info I Don’t Have Links For

Buy condoms that are latex, plyurethane, or ployisoprene, not lambskin. Lambskin can let STDs through.

Use water-based lube; Vaseline or oil-based lube will ruin a condom.

Even if the sex isn’t afab/amab, use protection. STDs are always a danger.

It’s worth using condoms on toys, too, since STDs can’t really be cleaned from a toy’s pores

On that note, get tested often. STDs can be trasmitted by things other than sex, so even if you’re not having sex or you’re sure that you and your partner(s) are clean, you may have picked something up by accident. Even sharing a water bottle can sometimes cause STD transmission, so check. If you picked something up, you’ll want to know sooner rather than later.

Condoms are useful, even for afab/afab sex! “Male” condoms can be altered into dental dams (for oral sex), and they make “female” condoms (which btw are latex-free), too! The links above that give info on birth control nearly all elaborate on this

Try to keep some condoms with you, even if you think there’s literally no way you’d need one. You never know what’ll happen, and it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. Besides, maybe a friend will need one, and then you’ll be friend of the year (afabs, it’s like carrying tampons/pads when you’re not on your period)

Don’t flush condoms down to toilet

Remember condoms are single use!!!

Check the condoms you carry frequently. Make sure they aren’t past their expiration date, and that the packaging hasn’t been punctured or bent. If any of these things have happened, chuck ‘em! They won’t work anymore. (just make sure you remember to replace them, too)

If you smoke, you shouldn’t use birth control pills. This is probably a non-issue bc pills are usually prescribed, but just bear it in mind

Title X clinics (for abortions and other pregnancy options) are great, but be careful! There are organizations that set themselves up near abortion clinics to confuse people. They operate specifically with the agenda to guilt people out of getting an abortion. These places are usually called something along the lines of “Crisis Pregnancy Center” or “Pregnancy Choice”. John Oliver has a 21-minute talk about them here (okay, so maybe I do have a link for this one lol) (btw this is a youtube link, so it plays automatically).

update mar. 10, '21: i added a few links and, though i've discovered i'm not actually wlw, but the info from all these sites has been and continues to be extremely useful to me! remember that you don't have to be a cis girl or AFAB for these sites to be worth looking at!

#OH realized while I was writing this that it's world contraception day!#September 26 lmaoooo #how fitting #i'll add onto this later probably #but here's what i have for now!#wlw #wlw culture #save this for later #pregnancy prevention #birth control #sex ed #lesbian #bi girls #oop that's gonna show up in the tags about the show huh #sex ed for teens #important #nblw #okay idek what else to tag this as i give up #percussion strings winds words

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zippers · 3 years

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i joined the vegan reddit discord server and idk, i thought it would be about sharing recipes and stuff bc my entire experience with veganism has been so positive (though for me it is definitely more of a diet choice than a lifestyle lol, i have zero desire to force veganism onto people nor do i view it as a morally superior diet) but instead its a bunch of teens who are venting in the gen chat about how going vegan made them suicidal bc of how much was wrong in the world (but only wrt to animals being murdered and ~nobody caring~ ofc) and also talking shit about how their vegetarian/"omni" partners/parents/friends/family murder animals. wtf! you are probably miserable & intolerable to be around. and they seem so full of themselves. like get over yourselves you care more about chicken embryos than the exploited workers farming your agave nectar or w/e

omg this teen (who i had already blocked for a different reason) just used the word carnist im losing my mind. what is wrong with these type of vegans 😂😂 its like a cult 😭😭

and like honestly i always thought the nasty vegan stereotype was just a stereotype of like, peta, but actually seeing it happen is something else. i cannot believe how huge their egos are. like its actually making me so angry!!! you should not go vegan for some moral high ground. it should be a careful choice based on your health, means, resources. your morals can have a play in it but if you think that non vegans are evil murderers you do not truly care about respecting ALL life. which includes respecting free will and bodily autonomy, cultural practices and beliefs, and those who don't have the same priorities as you. which is why im not gonna chew them out for being assholes, that is their choice lol! they will have to reap the consequences of alienating their friends & family for their aggressive and guilting preaching. (also i left the server while typing this bc the circlejerk self aggrandizing messages were so upsetting to read!!)

#as a disclaimer i am vegan in that i dont eat meat eggs and dairy but i do eat locally sourced honey and wear leather #a vegan once rudely said i was not vegan just ''plant based'' shut up and stop importing quinoa and start buying local??#long post #rant

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eldritchsurveys · 3 years

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1124.

Do you drink oat milk? >> This is a “how Gen Z are you?” survey, and I am not Gen Z, so this should be fun! :p I’ve had it in cafe drinks, but I’ve never had it by itself. It seems to be on the... idk, chalky side.

Has oat milk changed your life? >> Nah, I’m not into it. Macadamia milk is the tits, though.

Before oat milk, were you more of an almond milk person? >> I do like almond milk as well.

Are you interested in nut milks in general? >> Yeah! I think the whole genre is cool. It’s good to have alternatives. Of course, after saying this, I’m going to read something horrible about the nut milk industry tomorrow in the NYT or something.

Do you love Trader Joe’s? >> I do love Trader Joe’s. I go kind of apeshit in there every time we go. Also, our local TJs has a little stuffed panther named Joesy that they hide in different parts of the store and it’s fun to hunt him down. Little things, god dammit.

Do you love Trader Joe’s seasonal candles even more? >> I don’t like scented candles.

Is the pumpkin/vanilla one your jam? >> ---

Did you have a matcha phase? >> A phase, no. I just like matcha, period.

Do you love thrifting? >> I wouldn’t say that. I don’t like shopping at all, and thrift shops tend to be more disorganised and chaotic than other kinds of stores, which makes it even more stressful for me. But I appreciate being able to buy things that were pre-owned instead of contributing to the buy-new-discard-buy-new-again mill that capitalism prefers us to be on.

Do you wish you were thrifting right now? >> No???

Is what you’re currently wearing “thrifted.” >> Nope.

Do you use the word “aesthetic” as a noun? >> Yeah, like “for the aesthetic” or “that’s his aesthetic”. (Is that recently-coined usage? Didn’t realise that, I thought it was always a noun.)

Do you buy things because “aesthetic.” >> I mean, I do buy things because they match a certain vibe that I like to have around me, or because they match something else I have...

Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? >> No, it’s just the way I type (when not taking surveys). It doesn’t seem important for my purposes.

Did you have a vegan phase? >> I was raised vegan...

What about gluten free? >> No, I don’t have a gluten intolerance so there was no reason for me to eat gluten-free.

Do you like fast casual vegan restaurants like By Chloe? >> I’ve never heard of that, and I’m not sure I’ve ever been to a fast-casual vegan restaurant at all.

Do you say “this is sending me.” >> Yes.

Do you say “love that for me.” >> No.

Do you say “mood.” >> All the time.

Do you own fairy lights? >> Yep, I’ve got a string of them over my bed. I keep forgetting to replace the battery, though.

Do you have a disposable camera? >> Nope. Have those made a comeback?!

Do you have a polaroid picture wall of some kind? >> No.

Do you own a tea kettle? >> Well, yes...

Do you drink tea before bed? >> Sometimes. We have several varieties of Sleepytime (I really like the peach one), for example. It’s just nice to have a cup of tea while lounging in bed reading or browsing tumblr before settling in for sleep.

Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? >> I’ve never seen a glass straw, didn’t even know that was a thing. I just... don’t use straws, tbh. I don’t care for them.

Have you made a TikTok? >> I have an account so I can use the app and save favourites and send tiktoks to Sparrow, but I don’t post on it.

Do you know what your “FYP” on TikTok is? >> Yeah, the neverending feed you’re greeted with when you open the app.

Are you currently rewatching “Gossip Girl”? >> I’ve never seen that.

Do you have anxiety? >> I don’t have an anxiety disorder.

Do you identify as an ambivert? >> No.

Do you have a YouTube channel? >> No, just an account for interacting with other people’s videos.

Is there actually a video on it? >> ---

Do you own airpods? >> No.

Can you not live without them? >> ---

Have you cried today? >> Not today, no.

Do you feel guilty about buying stuff on Amazon but use it anyway? >> Nah, I just don’t use Amazon. I don’t really have to, after all, I have other options. If I did have to for some reason, though (and there are definitely reasons why people might have to depend on Amazon -- they’ve literally set themselves up that way, it’s a fucking trap and that’s part of what’s so galling about the whole thing), I sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone try to guilt-trip me about it.

Do you feel guilty for shopping at Brandy Melville because it’s problematic? >> I don’t know what or who that is.

Have you ever eaten at a Sweetgreen? >> Never heard of it.

Could you eat Sweetgreen everyday? >> ---

Do you NOT have a Facebook? >> I didn’t have one for a while but I eventually made one so people could contact me through it if they had to. I don’t post on it and I really hate even having the account, but that’s the constant dilemma when something is so insidiously ubiqitous. Do I participate in this thing and deal with the cognitive dissonance so I don’t miss out on connections, or do I opt out and deal with those consequences? There is no right answer, there’s only the one that you can live with.

Do you call school “Zoom University”? >> ---

Do you get “Sunday Scaries”? >> ???

Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? >> Of course not. It’s not supposed to be frightening in the first place, but the memery around it has both simplified and exaggerated how it works.

Do you make life choices based on astrology? >> I don’t really make life choices, period, lol. What choices do I have to make? What to eat for dinner? My life is really simplified.

Do you have less than 10 photos on your Instagram grid? >> I don’t have an Instagram.

Do you Facetime more than you actually call your friends? >> ---

Do you know what Cottagecore is? Are you into it? >> I have a workable understanding of what it is, but I wouldn’t say I’m into it. I like the idea of living in a more naturally “connected” and less hectic environment, of course, but I don’t have a blog about it or anything.

Is your go to pose in pictures a sideways peace sign? >> I don’t have a go-to pose because I’m rarely in photos at all. But I have done the sideways peace sign before, it’s fun.

Do you say “we love” when referring to something only you love? >> No. If I say “We” it’s because I’m including the Inworlders.

And lastly, are you always tired? >> Nah. I bet I sure the fuck would be if I had to do half the shit my peers have to do (particularly in the realm of employment).

#surveys #survey #themed survey #gen z survey #not for reblogging *glare*

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shirtlesssammy · 4 years

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9x05: Dog Dean Afternoon

Welcome to our last hellatus recap. This is one of our themed episodes and it’s not too late to guess what that is. You’ll win bragging rights forever! Anyway, our show is back tomorrow!

Then:

Obligatory Teddy Bear shot of how AbsUrD this show can be. Note to Show: Don’t highlight the absurdity of this show when you’re about to air a so-so episode.

Now:

As a very dedicated taxidermist works on his Game of Thrones masterpieces, his very smart, very loyal German Shepherd, Colonel, alerts him to danger. They head through the halls of stuffed animals (but they’re all fake because who the fuck is stuffing these bears and shit? Also, a dog? Aren’t tigers endangered? WTF is all this?). Anyway, a man with a snake tongue attacks the taxidermist and Colonel sees it all.

At the bunker, Sam’s got a case.

Once at the Taxidermy shop, they find it covered in red paint, and a little paw print symbol. Sam takes a picture.

Agents and Michaels and Deville enter the crime scene. And by crime, I mean all the dead animals. WTF? Like. WTF? Let’s assume all these animals died of natural causes, so we can pretend the victim was “a good egg.” Sam heads off to tour the place and Dean stops to interview Mr. Stevens. As Dean learns about “entrails” and such, Sam looks over the merch.

Poor Dean Bean continues to have frightening reminders about why he’s a germaphobe.

The boys are thinking witch, but decide to keep digging.

At their motel, Sam discovers the “wiccan symbol” is really an animal right’s group symbol. (LOL, I totally don’t remember this episode and I’m totally NOT changing my caption from above.)

Dean and Sam head to a vegan bakery where we learn that Dean knows the smell of Patchouli. Yeah, you might mask that with disdain for non-meat eaters, Dean, but we see you. They head to interrogate Olivia and Dylan, two founding members of S.N.A.R.T., the animal right’s group. They’re wearing sunglasses inside, so Dean thinks they’re douchebags. The brothers flash their badges. The couple sits down to talk about the victim. “You know how hunters are. They’re selfish dicks who define themselves by what they kill.”

They explain that someone attacked them with pepper spray and that’s why they look like douchebags.

Back at the motel, Sam further investigates the attack and the brothers surmise that they were attacked by venom.

At the local animal shelter, Brad gets a visit from Snake Man. Brad knows the guy and gets a $100 to let him walk into the kennel. The dude gathers ALL THE CATS and Brad wanders in to watch him EAT ONE. Yeah, we’re technically not on hate watch week anymore, BUT I STILL HATE THIS.

Brad doesn’t last long.

At the new crime scene, the brothers try to piece together the new information. Dean sees Colonel in a cage and ACCUSES HIM OF BEING A SUSPECT. GUH. Dean, just say you hate dogs and go home. Colonel doesn’t react to silver and Sam guesses they “can rule out killer.” Colonel starts barking.

How would you like to come home with me and live in a nice big bunker and go for car rides all the time and eat liver sausages and help solve mysteries?

Dean THE SMARTEST BEAN AROUND Winchester notices that Colonel is reacting to the local cop’s hat, so he tries it out. Bingo. Colonel was a witness to the crimes.

Sam thinks there’s a way to communicate with the dog to find out what he’s seen.

Kevin gets them a spell to talk with the dog. Dean agrees to drink the Mind Meld concoction because he doesn’t want Sam to take on more than healing from near death even if he doesn’t know if because he has an angel possessing him. Whew.

The spell doesn’t seem to work (But it DID, so can I like get said spell? I’d really love to talk with my cat on the regular, lolz, I’m not crazy.)

After eating lunch, Colonel sits up and asks for the channel to be changed. DUDE. It’s Foreigner. No one puts Foreigner in the corner. Dean’s on my side and has a nice argument with the dog while Sam watches confused.

Dean gets to the point of the situation and asks about the cowboy hat. The killer wears a hat. WBK. As he throws away his food wrapping, Sam wants to know about the cats. Dean retrieves it like a good boy. (but seriously, German Shepherds ARE NOT RETRIEVERS. Good luck getting them to return anything!)

Suddenly, there’s a noise outside and both Dean and Colonel head to the window to harass the mailman. Yep.

Back at the motel, Sam tells Dean that side effects of mind melding with an animal can include developing animal urges. Suddenly I’m reminded of Dean’s fascination with the dog familiar from season eight and feel horribly uncomfortable. Dean angrily opens a chocolate bar, only for the dog to warn him off of it. No chocolate? This is an outrage!

Outside, a pigeon poops on Baby. “Hey, dick move, pigeon!” The bird returns anger with insult. “Screw you, asshat!” Apparently all animals have a universal language just sprinkled with insults! Dean shouts at the pigeon with all the subtlety of a very large human-shaped dog.

Sam manages to drag Dean into the car, but not before I make a diorama of this scene and place it on my Supernatural altar of Very Good Things.

Dean and Sam argue over whether they should leave Colonel in the car. “You think we like that?” Dean asks, ROYALLY insulted. Hell, no. Colonel’s going in with them. In a moment where I curse my horrific prescience, Dean gives a lusty once-over to a nearby tied-up poodle. I…just…

Inside the shelter, Dean interrogates all the shelter animals. There’s only one dog who can give any good intel, and the dog only delivers in exchange for a belly rub. From Sam.

The dog gives them a tip: they’re looking for a cowboy hatted villain who works at a nearby restaurant. Dean lets all the animals free before they leave. “I didn’t peg you for a softy,” Colonel remarks. But WE all knew. Dean Bean <3

The Winchesters break into the restaurant that evening and discover a giant stash of prescription medications and…a cage of mice. The mice give Dean a tip: animal bits and pieces are stored neatly in the refrigerator. Sam finds a spell: with the right magic, ingesting a certain bit of animal helps the magician to temporarily gain that animal’s power. The guy’s mixing various animal parts to experiment on the effects and fun new powers he might develop.

Dean and Sam encounter a chef and waiter preparing a private dinner (featuring shark fin) and shoo them out under the guise of health inspector.

Chef Leo nibbled on a chameleon, which allows him to get the drop on Sam.

He swipes at Sam’s throat. Gadreel flashes to life and heals Sam’s terrible throat slash. Leo witnesses this miraculous healing and decides that Sam’s the ultimate snak - I mean, meal.

Leo sniffs out a dog, only to turn around and see…Dean. When the chef learns that Dog Dean and Angel Sam are brothers he is many levels of confused, but that doesn’t put him off his plans to chow down on Sam Fucking Winchester and his creamy angel filling. Dean, being a dog, immediately sniffs out some new information about Leo: he has cancer. Traditional treatments did nothing to help Leo, but his animal power worked. While his quest began sympathetically, murder is a side effect that Leo’s totally cool with as long as he can keep pushing the boundaries of man and beast. “Guess you eat enough predators, you start to become one.”

The chef pulls out a wolf heart so he can tear Dean - a mere dog - into little kibble sized bits. Dean breaks free just in time and leads Leo on a merry chase outside. He looks oddly triumphant for being cornered by Leo in an alley, and whistles sharply. A pack of the stray dogs come running and tear Leo to bits.

Dean races back to check on Sam and calls for Sam…or Zeke...to wake up. “Don’t make me lick your damn face,” he pleads dramatically. Sam snaps awake. Hooray! Happy ending!

We jump to the Colonel meeting the vegans from earlier. They wuv that cute widdle puppy wuppy! Dean regrets that they can’t take Colonel along with them but it’s no life for a dog! It’s vegan dog treats from here on out.

The spell wears off just as Colonel tells Dean, “Dogs aren't really man's best friend. I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the real reason we were put here was to…” He starts barking, and the spell’s done at last. I’m sure we’ll finally learn the truth about dogs in the final scene of season 15, right? RIGHT?

At the car, Dean checks in with Sam. Sammy’s fine, but he’s a little weirded out by what Leo said about him - why did he want to know WHAT Sam was? Dean dissembles awkwardly and they take off for further adventures, played out to the credits by sad guilt violins.

These Quotes Have Fleas:

The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede nearly killed the guy

Always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags

I need a Raquel Welch poster and a rock hammer

I’m getting extorted by a dog

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 9x05 #dog dean afternoon #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 9

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

#survey #quiz #questions

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thenightling · 4 years

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Running a Gothic Horror Facebook Group during the autumn... (Not as pleasant as it sounds)

I’m getting kind of annoyed at the behavior of some (not all, obviously) people in my Gothic Horror Group on Facebook. It seems every year around October I get an abundance of new members and that’s great. It’s the Halloween season. That’s when people feel spooky. But then come late November I find myself having to thin the herd.

First there are the creeps who think Goth girls are easy. One man who had been friends with me on Facebook for a few years decided now would be a great time to flirt with me. On November 3rd he sent me the message of “I am a Gomez without a Morticia.” I suppose this is kind of sweet and makes clear the sort of romantic / Gothic relationship he’s seeking but I chose to pretend to be oblivious at what he was hinting at.

Yesterday that same man saw I had uploaded some new photos of myself. As I live in a deadzone I don’t have a functional cellphone so the camera I use to take photos of myself is attached to an old laptop. The best lighting in the house is in my own bathroom so that’s why the photos aren’t exactly great. And why so many of my photos look similar.

However this “polite” and “Friendly” man decided to message me with “I noticed you wear the same dress and pendant in all your pictures.” Well, for starters. I’ve never taken a photo of myself in a dress. I’m sure someone has one someone but I’ve never loaded one to Facebook and it would be at least ten-years-old. I just like a particular style of shirt and often wear dark colors or black. In fact the Shirt I was wearing in the new picture was less than two months old. Also a few of my photos have me wearing a garnet pendant. Others wearing a pentacle. So no, not even the same pendant in all my pictures though I do admit I wear my pentacle often.

Needless to say I was angry. How Could I not be? He thought he was being polite and friendly. Gee... And you wonder why you can’t find your Morticia...

I chewed him out and he apologized and told me a weird sob story about how he was abducted by his mother and her boyfriend at age twelve with only a TV as his window to the outside world until he was eighteen so that’s why he has such poor social skills. Despite the utter unlikelyhood of this I chose to give the benefit of the doubt and forgave him. He asked me to post on my Facebook wall that we were cool now. And that made me lose it again. I wasn’t quite not-angry anymore so I went off on him again about how his statement hurt me. So he decided to “unfriend” me until I calm down but chose to haunt the groups I run anyway. I had him removed.

Then there are those who criticize EVERY slightly off topic post. “How his this Gothic Horror?” Well, how about YOU find some actual Gothic Horror content so I don’t have to supplement with scifi, fantasy, and comics. Also most of what they bitch about not being Gothic Horror actually IS Gothic Horror. I had one member insist there’s nothing Gothic in Buffy The Vampire Slayer! (TV show, not movie.)

Then there was the “white knight” who decided to argue with me, insisting that Beauty and the Beast is Stockholm Syndrome and that it’s “dangerous” and “stupid” to believe people can change because it’s akin to condoning a violently abusive relationship because he might change. Even though I had gone out of my way to repeatedly say I don’t believe anyone should stay in an abusive relationship though DO believe we are capable of changing ourselves as individuals. There is such a thing as personal growth. Even changing your mind about something, admitting you were wrong, is a form of change.

Well, after he called my views stupid and dangerous I ultimately removed him but then his friends (all of them, also, male) came to his defense and how I should respect his opinion, that he has a right to his opinion. Opinions are like preferring chocolate ice cream to strawberry. It’s not getting away with calling the group owner stupid and dangerous for liking Beauty and The Beast and believing we can better ourselves. If we stop believing people can change for the better, we might as well stop believing we can grow. If you decide you’re not a good person but don’t believe people can change, where does that leave you? It leaves you with a mindset unwilling to even try to improve yourself and become a better person. We have to believe in change, for our own sakes.

Next we come to the spammers. Not only did I gain new spammers but they had blocked me and the other admins so I had to pull out my “secret mod” and give them temporary admin power to remove the person. You see, when a spammer blocks an admin we cannot see what they are posting. This is a very unfortunate and dangerous security flaw on Facebook.

Someone else (who actually was a horror fan) thought it was a good idea to block me, probably because I was “posting too much” ON MY GROUP!

Then there was the person posting links to a pro-suicide group, not realizing I could translate the non-English text that described what the group was about... (How were they getting away with this on Facebook!??)

Someone else with a “Dark sense of humor” was posting some off color things. I scolded him. He decided that “For the sake of the group” he’d leave. I hadn’t booted him, I hadn’t told him to leave. He decided to do it himself. THEN he sent me at least TWO private messages about leaving the group and hoping the group would be better off without him. I told him he was over reacting over something minor and he said “Funny, I felt the same way.” And proceeded to heavily hint that he wanted me to ask him to come back.

NO! You leave, that’s your own choice. I don’t beg anyone to stay. Especially someone I barely know on my own Gothic Horror Group.

Then we go over to my Horror comics group where for months I had to deal with someone’s “off color” sense of humor and “dark humor” about deliberately ruining the childhoods of modern kids (by letting their over-zealous mothers keep them away from Fairy Tales and Disney princesses as “sexist” because it’s “Funny.” This is something I’m strongly against. I do not agree with keeping kids from fantasy or classic literature just because cultures have changed). Meanwhile if I post ANYTHING at all from Channel Awesome or The Nostalgia Critic, from a review of Blade or Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight he would go on a tangent about how EVIL Doug Walker is and bring up that stupid Cancel Channel Awesome Manifesto, in some righteous rage. SHUT UP! I don’t care! He’s never wronged me or anyone I know and I don’t automatically assume guilt in any situation!

Finally I got fed up and removed this member.

And then there’s a friend, a friend who is in both groups and who I let get away with posting one too many of his anti-SJW / “progressives” rants (he uses the quotation marks, not me). Saying things like he hopes all progressives die, to which I have to remind him yet again that I AM liberal only for him to suffer an apparent medical emergency so I feel bad for yelling at him. EVEN THOUGH His “Hahaha suck it, “progressives! Hahaha!” (about the Joker earning a billion dollars) was in both groups and attracted angry political zealots from both sides of the spectrum. And I had to remove those people too!

It turned out his “Progressive” post had become the sample post when anyone searched for “Horror comics” so people leapt to conclusions about what the group was about.

And though on another group this is worth mentioning. Someone on a group I’m in posted a funny meme about someone correcting Dracula’s pronunciation of “Vant” into “Want.” Someone else chimed in by telling him it wasn’t funny because the REAL Dracula would just tear out the person’s throat and only a pussy Twilight vampire would care about something like that.

I pointed out that in the Dracula novel he does care about his pronunciation and wants to sound English. He even uses this as part of the excuse to keep Harker in his castle. I also broke it to him that the mindless predatory vampire of things like 30 Days of Night were also the result of Twilight in a phenomena I call the polarization of the pop culture vampire where you get one extreme of the pretty boy vegan who hates what he is or the mindless predator. Dracula is neither. I happen to like the Frank Langella version of Dracula from 1979 because he was predatory yet romantic. He liked what he was yet he was charming. He could rip out someone’s throat while also being charismatic. There should be a balance.

Instead of realizing he was mistaken he accused me of being an OFFENDED (he used the caplock there) Twilight fan who was “Triggered,” called me a snowflake, and went on a rant about liberals. Thankfully most of that group (a Universal monsters group) came to my defense. There were a few that assumed he was right because they seem to immediately react to things like “lol Triggered!” to mean (without even looking at the content that the person must be wrong.

So if you’re wondering why I’m so high strung and in a bad mood lately when I’m checking my own facebook groups, yeah... This is why.

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mfackenthal · 5 years

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You seem like a happy person who has her shit together or is at least happy in her life. Tell me how to be happy? I'm yearning to feel that emotion but have not experienced true happiness in a long time. Now I've reached a point where my usual "drugs" don't work anymore. Idk what to do anymore.... Please give me some tips on how to be happy?

Well hello Nonny,

Alright, ya’ll. I’m on my computer and that means I can’t tag this a long post. It’s going to be long because happiness is one of those topics that makes me get all philosophical and psychological ... it’s one of my favorite topics.

So that I don’t ignore it and I acknowledge it appropriately, I want to say thank you for the compliment. It’s good to know that I can come off as someone who has her shit together ... I certainly go through phases where I hope that’s true and phases where I know it ain’t. As for happiness in my life, I went through a season last year where I really wasn’t happy, but I didn’t really notice. I would say I was fairly numb to any strong emotion ... but it took my head clearing from a fog and some deeper conversations with my husband for me to realize it. I would say I was borderline clinically depressed and when that was brought to my attention I was able to start seeing how my brain was telling me shit that was just simply a lie. It’s the strangest thing to realize that my brain cannot be trusted to tell me the truth and treat me with the love and kindness I deserve.

The fact that you are asking for and seeking happiness is a good thing. That is healthy. That means that you’re on a path of adventure.

The truth is that everyone’s adventure to, through, and with happiness is different. Therefore, I’m going to give you the start of some ideas and I encourage you to start with the ones that you find yourself gravitating to but then to try the other ways and see what works well for you. Sometimes we find happiness in the place we were sure we would not.

If you think that you are bordering on or already in a state of clinical depression, then psychiatric drugs are a good starting point. It’s very hard to find happiness when our brain cannot access the happy hormones and other goodness that your body and the world are trying to produce. Just making the ability to feel happiness as an option is key.

But drugs alone won’t be the answer. If you’re someone who likes to ask why (as I am), here’s the quick and dirty answer: humanity does not know why depression medication works. The best of science indicates that these drugs are better than placebos. Science has found some measurable effects that these drugs have on different parts of the body and people tell us that these effects lead to a happier, healthier feeling. We do not know why. At least not yet.

This means that you may have to play with the dosage of a drug. You may also need to find a diet that works well for you on and/or off the drug. And I don’t mean find a diet that starves you. I mean find a diet that allows you to eat the foods you want but surrounded by a lot of vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats. If you can, try being vegetarian or vegan. If meat is something you like eating, then don’t do that. LOL Just limit the amount of meat you have with each meal. If you love chocolate and you can eat just one square, then allow yourself one square.

If your “drugs” are less prescription and more “recreational” ... as long as they’re not dangerous (IE cocaine, ecstasy, etc), then I encourage you to change up the dosage, try not to become reliant, or if they’re cigarettes to stop entirely. For example, if it’s marijuana, try baked goods or gummies. Sometimes the same thing in a different form gives a very different reaction. I personally suggest taking pot in ways other than smoking - but that’s because I believe that the inhaling of any smoke is less than healthy for you. Back to my point though ... play around with dosage but please do so carefully - high driving is no better than drunk driving.

Quick recap so far cause y’know, long post ... 1) Use drugs and manage the dosage. 2) Find a diet that makes you feel healthier.

Going on ... For many, happiness is found in the idea of nothing. Meditation, the clearing of the mind. Release, the clearing of long held guilt/responsibilities over things you can’t change. Nirvana, becoming one with the idea that the things you think are important probably aren’t and yet you are an integral part of the grandest thing: life. Minimalism or camping - the idea of taking a break from our “things”/our “technology”. Many people find happiness in having less.

For others, happiness is found in having things. Sometimes it’s in the having the “right” thing at the right time. Sometimes it’s in getting a hug from a friend. I fell in love with the color “mint green” a few years ago and now any time I can get something I want/need in that color, I am pumped! I will pay a few dollars more for something to be my color. I know it’s silly, but it makes me happy and more likely to use the item.

There are a lot of personality quizzes that can help you determine what it is that will make you happy. For instance, are you introverted or extroverted? I highly suggest reading “Better Than Before” by Gretchen Rubin. This book has all these different ways to get to know yourself better. By knowing yourself better, you can find more ways to make yourself happy. Gretchen Rubin also has a podcast called, “Happier.” I highly suggest it.

Now to get a bit more philosophical ... The truth is that happiness is a strange thing. For example, sometimes when the writing in this fandom is beautifully sad or tragic, I still feel such happiness. The beauty of words, the release that tears bring, just the feeling of such a strong emotion can also be a part of my happiness. Of course, sometimes I find my happiness in the bad guy getting their comeuppance, or I always feel happy when the main couple finds a way to subvert all expectations and life difficulties and find each other. The love making that often follows tends to make me happy too ;)

Well, Nonny, I hope you’ve found something in this post that gets you wanting to try something (or nothing ;) ). Research shows that (baring extreme circumstances) almost any change will make us happy. This means you could try going to a different coffee shop or going to a library instead of a coffee shop. Or you could try a different flavor of ice cream. Even if you try something yucky, learning that you don’t like something can bring a feeling of happiness.

I wish you only the best, Nonny. If you try something and it works, let me know what it is. I hope you can find ways to embrace the adventure. It’s often in the adventure and not the destination where true happiness is found. Happiness is not the destination or iit’s not the end at least. No matter how you look at it though - I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Sending so much love,

~Megs~

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mannatea · 5 years

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The latest chapter is bugging me and I was hoping to vent. I feel like the message of “war is bad, killing people is bad” is being handled in such a ham fisted way by isayama. I understand what he’s trying to do but it just feels so forced. For example Zootopia did an amazing job of taking a complex subject and making it clear enough for children to understand but weaving it into a good story too. SNK seems to be making that attempt for young adults, but it’s failing. Do you have any thoughts?

I always have thoughts! Sorry this took so long.

Zootopia has flaws! Glaring flaws! In fact, Zootopia has one of the same flaws that SnK has: the oppressed are feared because they used to have power over their oppressors. Right at the beginning of the film, they say: predators used to eat prey. So predators like Nick really did used to eat prey like Judy. This isn’t contestable, it isn’t arguable. It’s the backstory right there in the canon.

SnK has a little more wiggle room here, because our information comes from characters, not the narrative (or even an accepted historical perspective): we’re meant to believe that, more or less, the Eldians once had power over the rest of the world, and now, regardless of how they used that power and because of it, they are oppressed themselves.

What’s changed? Nothing, it’s just that the originally oppressed (Prey, Marley/rest-of-the-world) have gathered together the resources and means necessary to oppress, thus flipping the script.

And like, no matter how you look at it, the flipped script is both awful and understandable. This holds up better in SnK than it does in Zootopia, but SnK has been dragging on for years and Zootopia is a children’s movie that had a two hour block of time. So okay, in Zootopia, again, the predators ate the prey, but then they all developed Intelligence and stopped eating each other, but the predators didn’t develop blunt teeth or lack of claws, so the prey still feel like there’s something to be feared, there. In SnK, the Eldians can turn into mindless gigantic monsters that literally crush, stomp, kick, and eat everyone in their path, and to the average human being are invincible. Fear? Understandable. Oppressing them because they’re different? Awful, not to mention wrong…but not like…hard to understand.

Again, Zootopia ran into the SAME problem that SnK did with its comparisons. Both, brought into the real world to use with real world comparisons, would sound like this:

The Jewish people oppressed their German neighbors and the Germans retaliated and put them in Camps and killed them off by the thousands so that they wouldn’t have to fear being oppressed again themselves. This is, like, weird revenge for stuff that happened in the Bible, like when the Jews took the Canaan Land.

(HI IT’S ME, there’s some kind of essay comparison thing betweeen SnK and the walls of Jericho I’m sure.)

Black men and women were in a position of power over white men and women so the white men and women shackled them and dragged them across the ocean out of fear for their own lives, and like, let them live and stuff, but only as slaves (who were treated as less valuable than cattle). Oh, and I guess you can keep aspects of your culture but only the parts that aren’t scary to us. And also become Christian so you’re less terrifying!!

Women were once the oppressors of men. We’ve been put in our place.

Do you see how legitimately gross this is? The idea that an oppressed people did something to terrify other nations into doing the oppressing? There is always a reason for everything that happens, and by that I’m not quoting bullshit Christianity rhetoric that is intended to make your grandma feel better when Aunt Susie dies; I mean CAUSE AND EFFECT. It’s easy to stir up hatred, okay? It’s not hard. You see it now. “Those brown people are stealing our jobs!!!” We all know someone, or ten someones, or a hundred, who believe that shit–who believe that Hispanic men and women are illegally in the USA stealing “American” jobs. And for a much quieter, less overt version of this, we have the white vegans who get mad if you try and explain to them that their lifestyle is understandable up to the point where they’re fine with brown men and women working as slaves to produce their food all in the name of “lol protecting animals.” Racism and misogyny aren’t always overt, and in fact…usually are not. Nobody who has been oppressed deserved it; nobody who has been oppressed was once the big bad oppressor, either.

All right, so moving on.

Zootopia’s comparisons are more clearly across the board. Judy, a prey animal, becomes a cop, a predator position, and is deterred by her parents/friends/new coworkers for various reasons that are clearly an allusion to misogyny. It’s commenting on anti-women attitudes. “That’s a man’s job.” “I’m going to give you my shit work because you’re a woman.” “I’m going to give you unreasonable parameters to work within because it’s funny to do that to women working in a man’s field.” Oh, and my favorite: “You work here but we’re going to give you the job here that we reserve for women.” And it’s not just the obvious people either, like Judy’s supervisor or her direct coworkers. Clawhauser doesn’t exactly come to Judy’s defense even though he’s kind to her, and Nick mocks Judy openly multiple times.

But wait, there’s more: Nick as a little boy wanted to join the Junior Ranger Scouts! It’s a prey-only group, mostly, where you’re taught how to protect yourself (it seems to be the idea, since prey is generally less capable of this). But when Nick was finally able to enroll, he wasn’t welcome and was bullied instantly (in a manner meant to discourage him from ever coming back). The situation is generally black and white: predators bully prey, prey bully predators. We don’t see a lot of instances of like bullying like (even though it probably happens in certain circumstances).

Nick’s joining the scouts also brings up poverty, as Nick’s family seems to have been very poor and his mother had to scrape the money together just to buy the uniform (probably contributing to feelings of guilt and shame when it ended up being obvious to Nick later that he wasn’t welcome there). And also something-something single parent.

SnK jumped face-first into “like bullying like” but only because Isayama stacked the deck that way from the start (and had time to do it): Oppressed Eldians vs. Walldians is what I mean, here. So we see Eldians who hate Marleyans, Marleyans (and the rest of the world) who hate Eldians, and then we see Eldians hurting each other, too (because they’ve been brainwashed into doing so and/or to protect themselves). We even get half-Marleyan Reiner, who isn’t wanted by his Marleyan father, but that seems to be more out of fear of getting hung (and/or hatred of Reiner’s manipulative mother) than anything.

Those are just a couple of examples. Both Zootopia and SnK deal with a similar type of issue and try to comment on things like racism, but only Zootopia openly comments on misogyny and poverty (which are both things very clearly related when you’re talking about racism parallels), not to mention internalized racism (which is still racism but exists more quietly, even in good people like Judy).

Where Zootopia excelled isn’t the broken-down simplified version of racism. It’s the story. It’s engaging. It’s fun. SnK started out that way! But now, as a whole, it feels disjointed and incomplete. There are long lulls of SnK where I feel bored and the characters/events transpiring feel meaningless.

I’m definitely not going to say that Zootopia is an objectively a better piece of media than SnK, because it isn’t. As I said earlier, it has its issues. They fell into the same pitfall that SnK did with “the oppressed were once themselves oppressors.” And if you look really hard at it and squint a lot, there are things to critique that you probably hadn’t considered before: like Gazelle’s dancers being shirtless predator men

And we can’t really say it’s fair to compare a two hour simplified metaphor for racism/misogyny/“they’re different than I am” intended for an audience of about eight years old to a teen+ rated manga that has been going on for literal years and has been published monthly that entire time.

(Try updating a story once a month for years and see how good the whole thing ends up being. Get back to me with a laundry list of embarrassing mistakes you made and massive regrets. You’ll have them. Trust me.)

Zootopia pretty much did “racism and misogyny are bad” and succeeded. It was a fairly successful film that was way, way better than anyone expected it to be (considering we mostly knew it as “the furry movie” due to the trailers being wildly stupid), but again: 2 hours and aimed at children. You can’t really simplify racism and misogyny and poverty into a two hour film and you definitely can’t do it flawlessly. They get points for trying, though, and for creating a piece of media that I personally related to and enjoyed (particularly from the angle of a woman working in fields dominated by men).

SnK is doing a lot of…something. I think “racism is bad” is an intention but it’s very long and drawn out and plastered onto the backdrop of a war and brainwashing and, what, centuries of oppression? Shit’s convoluted as hell and there’s no room left to talk about misogyny and poverty, even though they’re part of the series in many ways, and even though IMO these things are impossible to fully separate from the topic of racism. Add to this the attempt to write a narrative commentary on war and grey morality with a fantasy/gore aspect and you’ve kind of accidentally ruined the intention of the racism message far more than Zootopia ever did. Zootopia’s kind of like, “so hey thousands of years ago predators and prey weren’t intelligent so in our pre-caveman days we were enemies but once we developed brains we were like WTF? and stopped doing that.” SnK’s like, “well so it wasn’t really that long ago BUT the eldians oppressed everyone and we’re scared of being killed by them so we keep them in internment camps lol.”

SnK could yet surprise us by telling us that anyone can turn into a titan, and IMO that’s the ONLY way to save the racism metaphor that the series seems to be going for. LITERALLY the only way. It won’t make it perfect, but it’ll save it from being a colossal failure. “They’re oppressed now because they used to oppress us” is disgusting and vile and honestly kind of scary; that’s not a thing and a wildly successful series like SnK putting that message out into the world is terrifying. “They’re oppressed because we’re greedy fucks who lied and covered it up with a reason” not only makes a LOT of sense (see: only Marley deals with Eldia, nobody else does, it’d be easy to lie about it), but it’s a clear real-world parallel.

Right now, though…SnK has basically failed to fully address “racism is bad”—at least in a satisfying and inoffensive way.

And then of course, as Anon said, we have the war to talk about. Greed is a huge part of this and not very discussed. (Greed being about monetary greed, power, land, resources, et cetera.) I don’t know if SnK is actively trying to say war is bad or not; the narrative seems to be painting Eren in a bad light, but if I were (general) you, I wouldn’t take that very seriously. Isayama is notorious at this point for manipulating the narrative to fit what he wants you to see/take away from things. Otherwise, his idea of a plot twist wouldn’t work. ;P

Anyway, the latest chapter’s “killing people is bad” thing would come across a lot better, in my opinion, if there wasn’t already so much going on. Zootopia could condense its subject easily due to its 2 hour block, smallish cast, and simplified world. 111 chapters into SnK and there’s just no way anything is capable of being simple anymore. Is 111 trying to talk about “war is bad and killing is bad” or is it talking about revenge or the folly of anger? The Count of Monte Cristo did revenge so well nobody else will ever top it (so it might be unfair to expect SnK to), and even a GBA Fire Emblem game did anger better in a few lines of text.

I’m always down for picking apart something large like SnK but it is my opinion that the series is just too big, the cast too large, and the story too convoluted and folded over on itself, to make anything satisfyingly simple. There just aren’t enough panels to let Mikasa talk about why she protected Gabi, or to get into Kaya’s head so that we understand how she felt right before she tried to stab Gabi, or even what Mr. and Mrs. Braus were thinking when they found out this little girl killed Sasha.

It has to be simplified for space and time constraints, just like Zootopia did, but on a scale Zootopia didn’t have to deal with–and probably wouldn’t hold up under, if I had to guess.

So that leaves us with Zootopia handling things nicely because it only had to hold up for two hours of non-critical thought/viewership with just a handful of characters (in possession of the added bonus of being planned and edited before publication), and SnK flailing around a bit in some areas, and badly in others, because it’s trying to hold up over 111 chapters of content and well over 100 characters while being written pretty much on the fly.

I mean, it sucks! But it makes sense. Themes are going to have to be ham-fisted if they’re going to fit into SnK. At this point the series doesn’t have the luxury of time to spread it out.

#snk #snk critical #zootopia #long post #cute anons #answered mail #snk meta

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