#or bruce fucking wayne

[montanabohemian]

anyway, some asshole on twitter was whining about the prosthetics for harvey dent in the upcoming gotham knights show claiming the character and story of dent to be ableist.

i invite you fucknuts to touch grass and never be allowed to be around comics ever again because you don't have basic reading comprehension skills.

#this asshole pulled the writer and co creator of the show into this bullshit SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY HATE THE ACTOR PLAYING DENT #where is your phd analysis of harley quinn or oswald cobblepot #or bruce fucking wayne #or literally any character in the world of gotham #BUT OH NO #just the one a specific actor is playing #get fucked #i have been steeped in dc lore my entire fucking life #you have zero reading comprehension skills and no critical thinking skills #i am seriously gatekeeping dc from these asshats #from the ones that are like only thirsting over this person to the people saying this awful shit

[frownyalfred]

Bruce Wayne is so much stronger than me, because if I was him I would walk straight up to Lex Luthor at a fundraiser, lean down, and whisper you want to fuck Superman so bad it makes you look stupid in his ear before flitting away with zero context.

#bonus points for superbat here #then it’s personal #like lex you wish you could fuck superman #luckily I can whenever I like #bruce wayne #batman #dc #lex luthor #thoughts

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Somebody rescue Tim. He's seen too much.

You do NOT have permission to repost my art.

Meme reference under cut:

#dreamer doodles #bruce wayne #batman #tim drake #robin #robin iii #red robin #so fucking jazzed i finally finished this old af WIP #still trying to figure out how to draw tim and bruce #i live for that one fanon bit #where tim has a habit of making increasingly ridiculous #powerpoint presentations that the batfam #are forced to sit down and listen to

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.

It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.

But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…

#Jason miscalculated #seeing Batman frightened is one thing #but without the cowl he’s just Bruce #and Bruce was Jason’s DAD #it’s pretty hard to see him plead like that #and ffs Jason was just suggesting MILD torture with Tim #now stop CRYING Brucie omG #Jason is totally NOT close to tears himself no fucking way #meanwhile dick and Tim: #SCREAMING IN DISTRESS #jason todd #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #robin #tim drake #bruce wayne #red hood #Nightwing #batdad #prompts #fic #titans tower au does this count? #enemy to caretaker for certain tho #or more like #enemy to son #or enemies to family? #huh #Batman #fanfiction

[nerdpoe]

Danny is about to be kidnapped in Gotham This is not a good time.

He's studying for the SAT, he's already been kidnapped by Vlad like, four times that week and it was a fucking Tuesday, he forgot his wallet at his new apartment, locked himself out of said new apartment (he could phase through the door but that wasn't the point), he's just been informed that the grant he applied for was denied so he needs to ask his mom and dad for college funds when he'd already told them he had it covered, and just...it was shit.

It had been shit. The entire week had been awful and annoying and he was ready to either murder everyone on the planet or go find a corner to cry in for the next three days.

So when the band of wild goons working for whatever villain of the week pulled up and tried to kidnap him, he snapped.

He used them to vent.

Shouted about how terrible his day had been, how terrible his week had been, how he'd already been kidnapped by his creepy godfather who was way too into him, how college funding was shit and the grant system was rigged, and how he'd have to call a locksmith or break down the door to his own apartment if he wanted to go to bed-all of it. He unloaded all of his frustration.

The goons actually backed off.

One of them gave him an awkward side hug and told him it'd get better.

Danny wasn't paying attention to his surrounding. He doesn't realize that the whole thing was livestreamed.

So when he gets home to his apartment later that day, his door is opened for him by the vigilante Spoiler before he can even turn intangible.

She brought over BatBurger and kidnapped Bruce Wayne, Gotham's bumbling Prince, to talk about college grants.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #steph watched the livestream and felt GREAT SYMPATHY #so she actually did trick bruce into coming with her and breaking into an apartment as bruce wayne instead of batman #told him it was an important job #he clued in that it wasn't crime related after she told him to stay put so she could get food #sure fuck it he'll give this rando kid a grant #he'll pay for the whole thing education is important #literally no one looks into the whole “i've already been kidnapped four times this week” thing #cuz everyone gets kidnapped in gotham #well almost no one looks into it #jack and maddie fenton do when they see the clip #vlad learns the hard way not to piss off the people who design weapons specifically meant for you

[not-another-robin]

I think Alfred should have a cat friend

#her name is madam....... #narsposting #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #bruce thought he fucked up again #madam the cat

[littlefankingdom]

Talia introduced Damian to Bruce as "their second child", and now Bruce is mentally panicking because there's another one, somewhere, when this unspoken first child is Jason.

#bruce wayne #jason todd #talia al ghul #damian wayne #batman #red hood #robin #dc comics #I'm cooking over here #my ramblings #No Talia and Jason didn’t fuck she literally raised him when he was an unstable teenager #she literally raised him because she wanted to play family with Bruce #she's a fucked up mom but she wants the best for her babies

[lustwithoutlore]

Damian, walking into the Batcave: I require assistance.

Dick: Sure, Dami! What can I help you with?

Damian: Not from you.

Bruce, thinking: Damian... Damian needs... father's help? MY help?

Bruce, being way too fucking smug: Ah, well, Dick, don't be sad. Sometimes a boy just needs his father. How can I help you, son?

Damian: Not from you, either. I require assistance from Stephanie.

Stephanie: HA! SUCK IT, BRUCE!

#does Damian actually need help with something or does he just want to psychologically fuck with Dick's and Bruces minds #we'll never know #Damian and Stephanie are lowkey my favourite duo #they have so much potential #batfamily #batman #jason todd #batfam #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #dick grayson #damian wayne #batgirl #spoiler dc #nightwing #robin dc #batman and robin #dc comics funny #dc comics #dc universe #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam memes #batfam headcanons

[fakeicecubes]

I truly think that Bruce would protect his kids with his life from the media/paparazzi. Like when he first adopted Dick all articles surrounding him and his parents death vanished. Or how he played up his Brucie performance when Damian first went to a WE gala because he’s never had to deal with the press before. And I KNOW it killed him when Jason’s death was announced but that was the one thing they couldn’t keep from the media.

One day, pre-identity reveal, Clark goes to a charity gala and asks a young Tim drake and Cassandra Cain about their opinions on the subject. A BUNCH of reporters are giving him looks but Clark can’t tell what for. Until Bruce Wayne walks up to with a stone cold expression. But Clark was perfectly polite and Tim and Cass tell Bruce they actually enjoyed expressing their opinions. The next day in the Planet their words weren’t twisted. And now whenever article comes out about the Waynes(still a rare occurrence but it’s something) it’s written by a certain Clark Kent.

#batfam #batman #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #superbat #dceu #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #fuck the paparazzi #-Brucie Wayne

[breadandblankets]

au where the bats manage to stay urban legends, sure other heroes know of them, but they help largely from the shadows, they aren't put on display and they're hardly known at All outside of the strange circle of gotham's goons

that changes when duke thomas stares batman down and says on no uncertain terms that he's working day shift

the signal is Gotham's first confirmed superhero, and he wears a bat on his chest

social media goes Wild fighting over whether the Batman existed all along or if someone finally got the tech and powers to make the bat (or a bat) Real

suddenly the world of superheros feels a lot more real to the citizens of Gotham who got used to horrible disasters being either ignored or neatly cleaned away from the public eye, now there's a guy getting thrown through windows and helping grannies cross the street and the war between gotham and metropolis gets even more cut throat

#duke thomas #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #bread talk #i think it would be very interesting if social media invents some beef between superman and a literal 16 yr old #that would be So fucking funny #to me #not to them #they have to do like pr and publicity things to be like nope we are sure friends and he's like my step foster father once removed #and u know what #tim drake #lmao #thats for me #batfamily #you know the general Thems

[mild-and-hammered]

So, I know the fandom (myself very included) love to talk about JLA playing fuck marry kill with Brucie Wayne as an option...but I offer an alternative. Bruce overhears a conversation between Clark, Diana, and Hal.

Clark: No I mean if we're playing, I'd fuck you Diana, obviously it would be a wonderful night--

Diana: and all the way into the morning, obviously

Clark: Obviously. And I'd marry Batman, so sorry Hal, I guess you gotta go.

Hal, outraged: Marry Bats???? Over Me???

Clark: Yeah, hello, have you seen him? No offense and all, but if you get the chance to sleep with wonder woman you kinda have to. And if I marry Batman I get sweet gadgets, nerdy banter, awful coffee, and I get to use the little ears on the cowl as handles while I bend him over the breakfast table every morning.

(plot twist, Clark totally knows Batman's there and this is his extremely weird and roundabout way of flirting)

#superbat #bruce wayne #batman #clark kent #superman #justice league #wonder woman #flirting via FMK #Hal kills Clark in his answer out of spite #but then has to choose to either fuck or marry Batman

[februarys-wednesday]

i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

#got carried away with this but the idea that the jl cannot keep track of all the fucking kids bruce has is so funny to me #dc #batman #batfamily #bruce wayne #batfam #nightwing #robin #dick grayson #red robin #red hood #tim drake #cass cain #jason todd #stephanie brown #damian wayne #duke thomas #spoiler #batgirl #the spoiler #justice league #batkids #elle's original content

[frownyalfred]

my favorite thing in Justice League fics is when a character fucks up so badly that their only option is to go talk to Batman. And they still — still — take a moment to figure out how desperate they are before going.

Bruce has such “don’t bother me, I’m working, also why the hell would you do that” disapproving dad energy. It’s stunning.

#bruce wayne #batman #justice league #jl #dc #dc comics #when Clark tells you to go see batman you know you’re fucked #it’s like mom saying to go talk to dad #and dad is working in the basement with his tools swearing

[jieloksworld]

I SWEAR THIS FUCKING MAN RIGHT HERE

dudes be like the alien guy was hot so pinned him to the fucking floor

#I swear to GOD this guy has tension with pretty much everyone #this fucking man #the batman 2004 #the batman #batman #bruce wayne #bruce wayne the batman 2004 #dc batman #dc #martian manhunter #martian manhunter the batman 2004 #the batman 2004 martian manhunter #the batman martian manhunter #batman martian manhunter #dc martian manhunter #martianbat #spacebat #j'onn j'onzz #the batman 2004 j'onn j'onzz

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce and Clark start dating and Clark finds himself spending more time around the batkids and whenever he's losing an argument he just says "yeah? well I fucked your dad."

It's very effective.

#it deals instant psychic damage #the kids still have not found a good response #clark tries not to be a petty person but he does enjoy the intense reactions his words evoke #it's especially effective on damian who can't even argue that bruce isn't technically his dad #tim tried 'well i fucked your son' once but it just doesn't have the same impact #batman #bruce wayne #superman #clark kent #superbat #dc #dc comics #mine #batfam

[spectral-honey]

AU where Jason gets his revenge by becoming a lawyer and getting joker sentenced to the death penalty

Bruce is conflicted about it but any time he tries to say anything on the subject Alfred just talks over him like "oh we're so proud of you master Jason you finished college and you didn't even use your father's extensive resources that could've easily gotten someone in this family a degree aren't we so proud master Bruce that Jason got himself a respectable profession--"

#jason todd #red hood #batfam #i also think it would be funny if thats literally the only thing jason does as a lawyer after that he just goes back to being a vigilante #everyone on the internet is like 'the iconic career of jason todd wayne: came back from the dead got a college degree got the joker- #-sentenced to death (finally) and then immediately fucked off to do whatever the hell it is he does for fun' #any time bruce and jason disagree jasons like 'excuse me which one of us is the college drop out and which of us is a practicing attorney?' #alfred 'you could have been a doctor but you became a furry themed vigilante instead' will never let this go #also btw jason just stole reasources from the league to get thru college. maybe at first talia was like what & then jason was like #'my alternate plan was to either get bruce to kill the joker or kill all three of us in an explosion' and talia is like #'okay. have fun at school sweetie' #BTW AN EDIT: this post is not reflective of my IRL beliefs about the criminal justice system or the death penalty #IRL those are way more complicated than gotham city/the joker/jason make it out to be #saw a few people tagging this post mentioning stuff about that