#otherwise i would not really GAF as much as i did

[derpinette]

this year i really had a module called "british culture" &i got my best grade on it out of all of them this semester

#wooed the corrector/maybe my professor if he was the one doing the correction bu laying out my Television Interest faxxxxx #that were in the textbook we had to read now i know so much about those Isles & i hate the english so much #& i am scotland & ireland biggest fan #i also found the contents of my textbook in some chinese learning(?) website that looked a million years old #like for chinese people who were probably going to the UK to learn about it & its history ETC #the reason why i even retained so much is because i got hooked by the mentions of my TV Interest sprinkled in & it developed from there #like cheese in a mouse trap #shockingly the most i retained is the history bit starting from the iron age to like now ( well the late 90s/2000s anyway ) #my professor was probably like wow she really did read the textbook. which i did but only because of the Mentions here & there #otherwise i would not really GAF as much as i did #i am physically incapable of caring about anything unless it is tangentially related to whatever my interest is #which is why i graduated highschool by a miracle from the Heavens last year because i literally had nothing but my Interest #in my mind no matter what i tried especially during prep days. i graduated with a 10/20 flat BTW that is 10.00 ... Trve Miracle

[youremyheaven]

The Ketu nonreaction is sooo true; I can attest to that omfg. It's honestly kind of futile to have an emotional breakdown with us bc all we're gonna give is a blank stare & slow blinking. Idk if I would describe it as feeling overwhelmed by those kinds of reactions so much as it is just the fact that we inherently don't gaf a lot of the time.

Idk if you relate to this too nodal anon but if it's someone I care abt/am close with at the very least I'll wait for them to calm down and then I'll try to start talking strategy and solutions to resolve whatever is going on with them. But yeah otherwise if I don't have even the most minute emotional investment in you then like it's just silent staring on my end.

Another thing abt it is some ppl will try to bond with me over it like "oh yeah, it's so awkward for me when someone cries like that bc I never know what to say. It's uncomfortable." But the thing is for me that's not the case; it's not awkward or uncomfortable at all for me when I'm met with it. And often I do know what to say - I just choose not to say/act in that manner bc it would feel disingenuous for me to present myself as the kind of person that can offer that kind of comfort to someone. Like if I have to describe it ... it's like I have the script & I know my lines but I just can't bring myself to actually say them bc ik it would just feel like I'm acting/playing a role at the end of the day. I feel like that in itself is super Ketu. The most I can offer while staying true to myself is my own form of comfort.

And on the delusions of Ketu I think I'm probably speaking from a Magha lens here specifically but oh yeahhh I definitely have delusions of self-grandeur LOL. And I think we're pretty self-indulgent too. But I find personally my delusions are exclusively abt my own grandiose sense of self & don't rly ever involve others or any kind of other external factors. I'm very objective with and abt others and circumstances outside of myself but I'm highly biased when it comes to myself. The thing is nodal anon is right I think ppl do feed into our delusions too. At the least ppl around me do. Like I alr have a rly grandiose sense of self and you're just exacerbating it by giving me princess treatment & mind you everyone around me has called me a princess since birth too like ofc I'm gonna have a deluded sense of self with this kind of treatment what did y'all expect fr 😂

Ketuvians are so conservative with their energy it's so crazy to me 😭 but tbh I am trying to be less giving of myself

SKSKKSKSK people feeding Nodal ego is wild, I feel like I definitely did that with my ex who already thought the world of himself probably lol

I think some people (I don't want to say it's a specific planetary thing bc I think it can apply to many different astro influences) love to give praise and give it freely? I am one of those people, I'll compliment people and be unbearably sweet for no reason. It always surprised me when others didn't take it well?? Some people told me (jokingly) that they thought I had some agenda and that's why I was being sooo nice and that no one is nice for no reason lol and others really took it to their head and wouldn't be nice in return?? (I'm not saying I compliment others hoping they'll compliment me back but that I'm very much of the "treat others how you want to be treated" sort and it always baffled me when someone was mean to me after I was sweet to them??) I've realised that many people don't interpret it as "oh they're being nice to me" instead it just feeds their ego bc they already think the world of themselves and it explains why they never felt the need to be nice in return bc they don't think they owe anybody anything bc to them I wasn't being kind, I was merely affirming their thoughts about themselves lol 😭😂

[liesmyth]

Been thinking about things we still don’t know in the series and there seems like there might be a screaming whirlpool of nearly ten billion souls stashed in the basement of canaan house (teachers warning speeches + an apparent discrepancy in the number of souls involved in the resurrection and souls not going in the river and not otherwise being accounted for + the houses being super tiny implying that most of the souls weren’t put back into anyone), any thoughts on what’s up with that?

the soul stash!! I'm mildly obsessed with it. I want to shake John until all the missing souls drop from his body. And there are a lot of souls unaccounted for. The numbers of the resurrection don't add up at all, but also many of the early-days Canaan House experiments used souls as literal building blocks, so they must have had plenty to spare.

The first time John brings up the resurrection is in HtN, chapter 2 (text in ALT)

We know the resurrection was a one-time event. We also know that the resurrections were “staggered” (as per Augustine). It makes sense, logistically, to bring back people in groups rather than everyone at once, especially when you’re setting up a civilization out of space stations and planetary installations, with much more limited resources than living on earth.

The 500 John gives to the Ninth have been woken up after ten thousand years, but I’ll bet that in the early days (pre-Lyctorhood) resurrections were a lot more frequent as the Houses grew bigger. These are the ones “set aside for safety”, he resurrected and stashed them somewhere (a very dark spin on his original cryo project ngl). We’re talking bodies in stasis, not souls.

Whatever that “somewhere” was, it’s relatively close at hand. It could be Canaan House  — it would be logistically complicated for John to retrieve them after GtN, but not impossible — or it could be somewhere else on Earth, a station outside Houses space, or a River pocket dimension. I think River pocket is more likely. (But fwiw, I believe Canaan House is where the bodies of the original Lyctor cavs are interred.

Now the souls! In NtN, John 5:4 (text in ALT)

He flat out says he "brought back” a very small part of the population, most likely less than a billion. John knew from the start that he wasn't going to wake up everyone, so. Did he bother at all to bring back the ones he thought had wronged them? I think he didn’t. He just yeeted them somewhere.

It could be Canaan House! Column was possessed in Canaan House. In GtN, Teacher was pretty scared of Silas siphoning Colum, and he was really scared that he was doing it in the basement. There’s something underfoot in that basement (sorry).

Also. Canaan House was a mad science lab. They were doing shit with souls. I think it would be logistically convenient to do experiments with souls if 1) you had them handy and 2) you had been reassured by God that they were souls that, like, sort of deserved it. Cytherea for sure doesn’t seem to think very highly of Teacher and definitely doesn’t see the priests as people. If they were the result of wacky experiments on the souls of the damned, I can see why she wouldn’t gaf.

Another great theory: @monstrousgourmandizingcats​ makes a very compelling case that John just threw the ones he didn’t like in the stoma. Besides the literary references in meta I linked (which is cool and pretty convincing) there’s the fact that the stoma is linked to the Eight House (Augustine scolds Mercy about it) and the Eight House and soul syphoning are definitely related to whatever’s going on with the River ghosts and the devils at Antioch. I believe we’re going to see Silas in AtN (or at the very least a lot of Eight House content) and whatever the Eight do with the stoma is going to come into play.

I... don’t know exactly how these two are connected. But they are connected IMO, if only through my mindmap of “wtf is going on with the Eight”. The stoma ties to siphoning in some way, Canaan House is a ‘syphoning is danger’ area. Maybe John didn’t throw his rejected souls into the stoma on purpose, but they ended there anyway.

#tlt theories #tlt thoughts #canaan house #eight house #ask #anonymous #long post #the locked tomb #tlt

[jellie-the-aqua-puma]

Hi...if you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Hi! Thanks for your ask! This is a good question, and this is my first ask so don’t apologize! Currently my mains are

Dazai/Chuuya aka Soukoku from BSD, I really like their dynamic, just the familiarity they had when they came on screen for the first time together. I think Bungou is really well execute though, so S2 showing that they still can come together and pretty much treat each other the same way / exasperation with no heat? And then the light novels are soo helpful too! I really think they’re sweet for each other, and I just think that’s neat! Plus there’s so much to unpack with their relationship! Yeah Chuuya wasn’t happy when Dazai left, but did he really resent him for it? Did he take it personally? What are they going to do now? All they do whenever they’re together is their best to protect each other.

Gojo Satoru / Geto Suguru from Jujutsu Kaisen, the tragedy! Oh man! It took me a bit to get on board with this, but I’m in for life now. It was the “My six eyes tell me your Geto but my soul knows otherwise.” I haven’t looked back. Gojo so shamelessly admitted that and Geto fighting back? They actually remind me a lot of Soukoku, with the obvious being Gojo = Dazai and Geto = Chuuya, but also Gojo was the one who got left just like Chuuya. So much went wrong for these two when it didn’t have to! If Geto had just took the time to explain, if he didn’t stubbornly try to rationalize his mistake, if Gojo had not taken Geto’s words at face value, if he’d’ve pushed a little more. I really love the impact they had in each other. Geto is the reason Gojo pushes for a better future for young sorcerers (does not seem like it’s going that well) and Gojo was the reason Geto wanted to make the world a better place for sorcerers.

Sun Jing / Qiu Tong from Tamen De Gushi (Their Story), a Chinese manhua. The story is just so cute, innocent, and straight forward. No screwing around, misunderstandings, annoying drama, etc.

Galo / Lio from Promare - this movie was so good! These two are really cute! I’m gonna say they’re semi-canon …

Hua Cheng / Xie Lian Heaven Official’s Blessing. Tragic characters when separated but together work towards their best future! Love it.

Cheng Xiaoshi / Lu Guan from Link Click I watched this on a whim and was so impressed by the characters and story! Im super interested to see where their relationship will take them, especially after what’s been revealed in S2, which I’m still reeling from! I am eagerly waiting for season 3!

I’m curious about yours now! What would you say yours are?

Honorable Mentions in no particular order below the cut

Yeong-sin and Seo-bi from Kingdom (kdrama) even though they don’t interact much, them being the only two survivors of the zombie epidemic in Jiyulheon is really what sets them a part for me although anytime they’re around others they act like they don’t know each oher.

TodoDeku was super cute in a very innocent kind of way. I liked that Todoroki was the first person who wasn’t Izuku’s friend who to saw his potential and see him as competition. I haven’t followed My Hero since S4 tho.

Yoruichi / Soi Fon Bleach; I felt Soi Fon’s devastation, to be joined at the hip and devoted and then abandoned and left behind. Yoruichi is merciless, she didn’t gaf lol.

Speed / Trixie sealed in by the 2008 Speed Racer live actions. They were crazy in the anime.

Astrid / Hiccup from the HTTYD film franchise, what a power couple.

Nancy / Edward from Enchanted, they are wasted by Disney but they’re oh so cute!

Aurora / Phillip from Sleeping Beauty, they are also wasted by Disney.

Goku/Chichi Dragon Ball, Chichi is wasted by Akira.

Steve / Bucky too, from Captain America, the way Steve was constantly ready to raise hell for Bucky got me. I pretend anything Phase 3 and after didn’t happen.

#asks #fav romantic ships #fav ships #from all years of my life #satosugu #soukoku #galolio #promare #bsd #bungou stray dogs #their story #tamen de gushi #link click #shiguang daili ren #shiguan #ships #heaven official's blessing #hualian

[clatterbane]

Currently trying to get into a new project that's frankly pretty terrifying!

I've been listening to more audiobooks and creepypasta recordings in the background lately. And I really wouldn't mind trying to do some reading and maybe contribute to someone else's enjoyment myself!

But, that would involve actually listening to the output and doing some editing. And my brain is still tied into some interesting knots around that exact thing!

I know exactly what the issue is, and it has frankly held me back on too many things that I was otherwise interested in doing over the years. I may also be one of the surface hyperverbal AuDHD types, but man spoken communication is hard enough already without extra shit piled on. 😬

I am also at least a couple of grown-ass adults in a trench coat by now. It has been many years since anyone felt entitled to harass me over whatever speech impediment/disability accent/whatever the fuck else they're perceiving that I may still be showing. My "peers" cut that shit out before I even hit college, when a transfer into a less toxic environment fixed that issue along with the rest of the outright bullying garbage.

It has been even more years (like, 40+) since I had to deal with that abusive speech therapist who wanted to "fix" my regional accent even more than what I was actually referred over. Which directly involved making me repeat things into a tape recorder and listen to the playback, while jumping down my throat over "not even trying to do better". Meanwhile, I'm not even sure what is supposed to be wrong, much less how to go about changing it. Thankfully that shit didn't last more than maybe a couple of months before my mother figured out something was off and put a stop to it. The experience still instilled a very specific aversion to listening to recordings of my own stupid voice.

Yep, I still do sound like I'm from West Virginia, BTW. (Because I kinda am, if with more time spent just over the state line.) And really fucking hated the frequent comments that got around London.

(One benefit of moving to Sweden, honestly. There isn't the same class-entangled weird cultural baggage around English accents (where Americans in general face some garbage before you even get to more stigmatized dialects), ESL speakers largely don't seem to gaf anyway--and frankly most Swedes keep enough reserve going that they're unlikely to say much even if they did find my accent particularly strange. The only person who's even commented after I opened my mouth was someone who spent like 25 years in Texas, curious where I was from (nowhere in Texas). The huge tradeoff: crippling self-consciousness around trying out my broken Swedish on people. I'm not falling into the too-frequent "expat" failure mode of using more English still because it mostly works and is easier, I'm just neurotic as hell. At least I probably do come across as more awkward than arrogant.)

That would seem like more than enough time to make moves toward untangling some of this nest of mental hangups. Nobody is likely to act like that at me these days. And if they do, fuck 'em. I don't have any compelling reason(s) to care these days.

I am still not looking forward to the sound of my own voice, even enough to work out recording levels. But should be fairly low pressure in another way as these things go, sitting in my own house reading into a microphone at my leisure.

#personal #rambling #trauma #pretty much #emotional abuse mention #bullying mention #words are hard #in multiple ways

[facesblurry]

https://www.tumblr.com/facesblurry/749217969128734720/nobody-gaf-but-i-might-write-a-little-angst-fedri

nah, with all due respect, ferran’s a bum. i like him as a person and i appreciate his relationship with pedri, but there’s no way he should be playing for barça. he makes for an alright sub, the problem with that is he was bought for €55M and there was never a time before or after that he was ever worth that money. not to mention that according to capology.com he has gross base salary of €10M, which means he earns around €192,308 per week, not including bonuses. to put that into perspective, he has a high gross base salary and earns more per week than both pedri and gavi who are both far more important players to barça than ferran will ever be. he’s such an incredibly mid player to be taking up that much space in barça’s salary cap. and don’t even get me started on that whole “shark” gimmick, he did well in the beginning of the season but he’s totally stagnated since. not to mention he has no ambition, he doesn’t want to leave barça to go to a club where he’d actually be a starter and is more than happy to remain a bench player. i don’t know, i genuinely don’t know how he’s fooled people into thinking he’s a different player than the one he was last season. i don’t hate him despite my long-winded rant saying otherwise, i don’t dislike him as a person but i certainly dislike him as a player.

I totally get some of your opinions, believe me. I too think he is pretty mid as a player, however i disagree to some points, like the opinion that he has no ambition. One never knows how much work a player may or may not put into training to become a better player. So, on that front, neither you or i can argue, although i’d say that, from an outsider perspective, he has been trying to get better, even more physically. That can be proven by his own team ferran updates. To what extent? i don’t know.

The salary discussion is something that everyone and their mommas have talked about many, many times. When he joined, i also thought the money could’ve been spent differently, and would’ve been happy to sign if it was for much less, although we are in a really bad economical stance to flunk on signings and need to actually sign close to elite players.

BUT we also this thing at barca in which people expect every damn forward to score 50 goals in one go, and if a player does not deliver that, they are criticized. Have we forgotten them games we won because of ferran? especially bc lewa was not there. And when lewa returned, he was absolutely ass, and xavi would not sub him FOR SHIT. we forget a lot of things a player may have delivered to us because they cannot deliver on a constant basis (especially when they have almost no minutes) and i believe that that is so ungrateful, and a characteristic barca fans have to the core.

Ferran has definitely done some good to the team but the thing is he has not added a lot as people might expect, again, especially due do our economical status. He has improved though, from the past, and i believe he can improve more but he is not getting any fucking minutes right now, especially since xavi sucks lewan’s cock up and down every damn game. Not even vitor roque is given minutes ffs. How do we expect him to deliver?

Anyways. we can let ferran go, whatever, let’s overly expect from another player who comes in. The thing is, who is coming? huh? who tf is coming to replace ferran for a cheap fee? fucking bernardo silva and his goddamn 50M? in this economy?

sighs. yall can hate on ferran as a player as much as yall would like because he has been put on high as fuck expectations, but don’t speak on his motivation, especially after literally reading he was mad he did not get to (1) play more minutes and (2) kick that free kick. I think that’s enough to know he cares about a spot on the team.

now, if a really good offer comes and we find a way better player that is NOT OVERHYPED or OVERRATED, then so be it! i will gladly take them because the betterment of my team is what i seek right now

love and peace tho!

#kai! asks #ferran torres #ferran #transfers #fc barcelona #mini rant #nobody reading all dat #i still had to speak my mind #im going to still write that little one shot IDGAF

[dballzposting]

confession: i read dballzposting like its the daily newspaper biweekly. Like wow....... trunks really does sorta need a different kind of fatha figure (cloth mother) in his life... gohan and goten are both kinda rly fcked in the head just a little bit but they have such drastically different approaches to finding peace andd enlightenment or watever.. yamcha is SO milfy.... this is all true no falsehoods hsve been spoken here

I would never have thought about yajirobe like dat.... bear w me cuz im a little disorganized rn but when i think about him hes like. everything being human is all about. he lived as he pleased, authenticly. a vagabond that truly does not need to gaf. He's a survivor, and Everything he did was out of survival, for himself and later for others. Of course he was a little self-serving and dishonest at times, but he did what he knew he was capable of and he did that very well. Yajirobe's got being human really figured out.

Then he meets thar cat and he LICKS HIM!!!!!

anyways peace and love on earth forever and ever 💋 💯 have a good night dballzposting

WOAH ...

SO LEGITEMATE.

#RESPECT.

You really do read da slop and glean the most beauty out of it .. you have a beautoful mind and i am honored ..

I especially like this part: "gohan and goten are both kinda rly fcked in the head just a little bit but they have such drastically different approaches to finding peace andd enlightenment or watever" That is so true and addressed so plainly .. I dont think i ever said that but ive probably implied it bc it's on my mind a lot .. But that's your synthesis ... Beautoful stuff ..

I don't know what you mean by you "would never have thought about yajirobe like dat" becasue judging by what you have written here you nailed it. Like I obviiously think that becasue you're borrowing words from my own posts so yeah like i agree... but thats what i mean. I especially like this part: "but he did what he knew he was capable of and he did that very well. Yajirobe's got being human really figured out." HE DOES DO WHAT HE DOES WELL AND NO MORE .... HE'S GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT <3

Our supposed disagreement presumably lies in the following line about him LICKING THAT DAMN CAT !!! But it's not a disagreemnt actually (not that you seem to care much about disagreeing with it anyway BTW youre so real for that) and I can explain.

That notion came from THIS HILARIOUS POST that was so awesome and that i loved so much becasue it floored me so profoundly and was so funny ...

It made me think a lot about whether he actually licks that cat or not ... I NEVER would have thought of that before ... but if something is really funny then I'll believe it no problem. But i had/have a lot of conflicting ideas about it.

Then came the discovery that in TFS's DBZ abridged they had Yajirobe and Korin be gay married and yknow love wins <3 but again I never would have thought of it like thag.

So I think that we are on the same page <3

My formal professional Yajirobe Opinion is that: he consistently refers to Korin as "karin-sama" in the japanese dub and that honorific I think is a constant reminder of the discrepancy between the two's status and furthermore Yajirobe is not capable of romance so i dont think tht he could gay marry the cat sorry .. But i have a lot of thoughts about what I just said. A story is worth telling if you want to tell it and when you borrow character already pre-established in something in order to tell it, well it's a bit of a situation becasue now you have to conform to the original author's writing of the characters otherwise what's the point of borrowing them ... I think ... And that's always been the line for me: whether it's feasibly in-character or not .. otherwise it feels weird and makes me a bit sick (PERSONAL FEELINGS NOT A JUDGEMENT) . .. If you can make something seem in-character or CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT IT IS then a story passes. Otherwise I'd prefer that one be honest about their intentions and admit outright something like "yeah this is out of character but I'm projecting and have a vested interest in telling these sorts of events" or something. And that's totally fine like i dare not cast taboo onto the indomitable human spirit

The UNIVERSAL EXCEPTION however has always been IF IT'S FUNNY THEN IT LITERALLY WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Partly due to the way that often funny things are funny becasue theyre true or true-adjacent. BUT NOT ALWAYS !!!!

You didnt ask for this ramble. What is my point

My point is that I definitely think that it is insane to portray romance between Yajirobe and Korin, but intimacy less than that is honestly agreeable and passable because it's either funny or pleasant to see.

That being said: A.) I Love Insanity B.) I WANT EVERYONE TO FOLLOW THEIR HEART'S CALL!! NEVER DENY YOUR HEART YOUR CAREFUL ATTENTION!! NEVER JUDGE IT!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! C.) I Really Strongly Admire That Tumblr User (Linked Earlier) for Following Their Heart Despite Their Obvious Implicit Insecurities And For Drawing Yajirobe x Korin Stuff I Loved That So Much and I think that they're so Strong and On The Right Path D.) Love Wins <3

I mean if he gay married that cat then that would be sooo funny like NO one knew (least of all him) that his life would end up this way but Korin is a crazy bitch and let this happen so now we're here. And that's beautful <3

To borrow your words:

PEACE AND LOVE ON EARTH FOREVER AND EVER !!!!💋 💯

Thank You All

#dballz posting #dballz asks #yajirobeposting

[zumpietoo]

(well now it’s all out in the open, Liar of Slizzy!!!)

I don’t dislkie then, except I’m a total racist just like you guys and completely hate it.....because otherwise, why TF would I be on a tumblr consisting of bad fanfic, old gifsets as “proof” Jizzy r endgame and daily, “I don’t hate Tabi/Jabi, buuuutttt...”

Plenty, repeatedly....that you don’t see it simply shows your disgusting bias. And I think we can all further attribute this to, “I’m not racist, buuutt.....”

We’re “assuming” they’re in love with each other based on nearly 2 seasons of first slow burn, now active devotion......and, again, it’s always hilarious we get this from the peeps who fapped themselves raw over “hey” and a shoulder tap. 

Soooo....looking in the mirror and subbing “I want Cole’s D for Slizzy/PP/Me and racism hate boners? Also, what “projection”? Dude, they’re a canon ship, the writers and the actors have stated as much.....

And ever think the physical shit’s left to a minimum so Erinn won’t get even moar hate from you nutbars?

Bullshit. I also loooovvveee how y’all are compelled to “send” (cuz, LBR) these missives to yourselves/your socks every fuckin’ day....honestly, if it’s all true, why so pressed? Wouldn’t this “prove” you’ll have Jizzy (with all its toxicity, Jug endlessly second--at best, cereal cheetah Slizzy always seeking to fuck somebody nu, etc?), why so endlessly concerned over a ship you simply feel is “platonic”? Why do you thusly always want Tabs to “suffer”, too? 

Also, Jizzy is nothing but “intimate touches of comfort” and, even if you were right about “platonic” (no), friendships typically have that, as well. Plus while, OG Jizzy did have exceptional chemistry (they were a couple then, duh), none of the OG couples otherwise did....and that chemistry is no longer there, because of your kween. 

Plus, again, WHY do you make the same, very dull and hackneyed whinings, every day? Liar of Slizzy certainly won’t make your wish come true. She’s never even remotely right. 

Bullshit, Jabi do have chemistry----Barfie don’t, but they’re terrible actors, KokeJ never does (with wimmin, excepting MM, at least) AND PP tried to fuck him and, honestly, Minkle/Tolars have infinitely better chemistry than either ever had with Gossip Ghey or Pussy....again, cuz fuckbuddies.....

The rumors you and Snorty started, Liar of Slizzy? Cuz per Cole and Erinn, they get along really well. See above for the others....ya know who DON’T GET ALONG WELL AT ALL??? Yeah, the couple doing split screens for platonic scenes. 

But “hey” and being an utter cuntwipe prove epic twu wuv? Wow, who knew? Also, dude....again, find something new. Stop repeating yourselves....and now it’s the writers, again? I thought “the beats were yours”?????

It pains me to say this, but Barfie are, actually fine as currently depicted....however, apparently, Slizzy IS a complete slut and is gonna be trashing that soon enough for a hot lady.....

Nope, again, interesting you claim “say it enough and it will be true, because that’s what YOU’RE doing.....but, again, I don’t call y’all the “Gaslighter Gang” for nothing....

Because your dream was always for Tabs to be a mammy figure---as your fanfics fully demonstrate. You all persuaded yourselves and it was utterly pathetic.

And yes, you WILL have to “stand them” thru likely all of season 7, possible endgame.....and since, supposedly, it’s only that they bore you, once again, why so pressed?

No, you think they should’ve had her “know her place”. We know exactly how she feels, she’s devastated and doesn’t even seem to know how to handle it/manage it. And seems like you don’t even watch the show....or you’d know she was yelling at him because she was afraid he’d kill himself and she was possessed when she trashed the typewriter. Which only you guys GAF about. 

She doesn’t have seekrits, dude.....she isn’t Slizzy....that’s the point. 

Again, you really do fanfic in these scenes, too, huh?

[newyorkkiss]

How did u initially get into Spoon, what was the first song/album you fell in love with and why?

↑ me explaining things

strangely, it all started nearly a decade now when i was still venturing out and crafting my own tastes. i would frequent a little (now long since shuttered) record store in my tiny town, i saw they want my soul’s album art and was enamored and intrigued by it. iirc it was maybe a week or so after release bc it was store pick and at the front desk so i probably wouldn’t have seen it otherwise! then saw the bands name was spoon and thought that was just really… bizarre. stupid even. anyways i ended up memory holing it for 8 years until last year when i was doing a watch-through of noel era never mind the buzzcocks and somebody (cannot for the life of me remember who, definitely came from phill’s side though) *i think* said something about stupid band names, like “what’s next? [word], [word], spoon?” and i was like WAIT A MINUTE… i know there’s a band named spoon and i too thought it was absurd. subnote is for a long time i conflated spoon with elbow, i’m not entirely sure as to why, but i do recall a grief councilor i was speaking to around the same time suggesting i listen to elbow (still haven’t done it! sorry!) and i think the oddness of the band names and time period overlapped. elbow is mentioned more than a few times on buzzcocks too so that sort of reminded me a bit too, but it wasn’t until i actually heard it said i was like yeah. i have to dig in on this. maybe a week later i was on a train-ride into the city and was like yeah maybe i should listen to they want my soul and u can basically say thee rest is HERstory or something.

here’s the canonic first three ↓

inside out was unlike anything else i’d heard from a band of that genre and we ALL KNOW how mid to awful most of-the-era alt/indie rock bands sounded when they started incorporating synthetic elements to their music. it’s just so ethereal. magical. beautifully crafted from silk strands colored cobalt. it’s unlike anything else on that album let alone their entire discography. the fact they managed to pull that off so perfectly is more than a testament to their talents and ability to make good fucking music. name one of their contemporaries that has pulled off some electronic elemental incorporation as perfectly as this. i really don’t think you can.

anyways i pretty much just listened to twms two or three times in full after that for a good while until about mid july where i must of off handedly heard something from it again and was bored enough to begin the deep dive. kept on revisiting things and it all just sort of spiraled badly by that point and by august they were the only thing i was listening to and it only got worse. coincidentally it all tied in with a massive relapse so they were and still are, a comfort in that mess.

i managed to break 5k scrobbles on them like 4 days before i flew out to see them too which is just absurd 😭

anyways in the midst of that i was so bored i was like i have to dig into britt’s lore but for what it’s worth when i first saw a pic of him i was legitimately terrified by him. the combo of the blond hair and tall gauntness actually frightened me. but the scariness turned to intrigue and now we know where i sit on that subject. then i started to occasionaly post abt it here after my beloved twt echo chamber were revolted by my new white man of the every 6 months. then spoon anon reached me and i was like Wait people actually kinda gaf so i pretty much exclusively do that here 😭😭😭😭 i rarely even self posted the way i do now before this because i couldn’t make it not feel weird.

onto the final part of me deciding to see them coming from a place of actual if i don’t do this i’ll regret it guilt because i’d massively gotten into pavement like 8 months earlier and they toured here just as i was really into them and didn’t see them when i could have. it was kind of coincidental spoon were touring here just as i was really like… fixating upon them i think. but obviously it was worth it to see them!!!!!! and i would see them a million times over, genuinely. if they ever float towards you PLEASE GO SEE THEM. also me seeing them was a kind of mentally momentous occasion for me as i essentially describe myself as a hikikomori. the last time i’d ever attended a gig was in 2016 on my birthday, and i was with friends. never in a million years did i think i’d chalk it up to attending something like that alone given i’ve been felt up by drunks and crushed against barricades at the two shows i’d actually attended prior to them. that coupled with the fact i’ve always been terrified of being outside my house alone made me deciding to leave the entire state on a flight to see them all on my own really important. so thank you spoon for breaking me out of my own safety bubble lol.

in conclusion; spoon is very literally americas greatest band

a funny note is that prior to all of this i was an enjoyer of the preatures debut album blue planet eyes and imagine how 😳😳😳😳😳 i was when i found out jim produced that. really great album btw. the copy of it i’ve had rotting away on my bedroom shelf for the last 7 or something years may have been a sign… fate or something lol 😵‍💫 also funnier is way way way back in ‘13 when i first heard is this how you feel? i for the longest time thought it was a haim song which is even more hfjrhdhdh now that we know alex was in a proto-haim and best friends w them. at least it’s funny to me!!!!! fate brought me spoon i think… it was meant to be ❤️

#im dorry this is so much and none of it is clear

[smizzy]

Dating Cher Horowitz includes...

[Gay!mommy4lyfe that's all I have to say]

You both knew each other from middle school to high school

Well, you knew her she didn't know you (*^_^*)

(You just weren't in her social pyramid level is all sweetie<3)

That was until when you both reached high school. You were still not as relevant as Cher

But you had caught her eye sophomore year

She didn't know why she didn't just ask up if you wanted to go on a date just like when she did it with other boys

Boys

that was her answer, you weren't a boy "a dog" as she would say, you were a girl she never felt a way for other genders except male (ew m*n)

So she took it step by step and tried to keep it a secret until she was actually ready

Too bad (LMFAOOOO) Tai and Dionne had found out after they saw her writing down how she felt about you <3

Homophobia sadly was a thing but we all know Dionne and tai didn't think different of her. But it was what others thought of her

Yeah, yeah sad she can't get you then got you, learned not to have anyone get to her head blah blah

LET'S GET THE JUICY STUFF BRO-SKIS AND THEY-BRO-SKIS

Just like Murray and Di she has you around but like it's so worrying for everyone else because she wants you everywhere with her ::>_<::

Even though people think she doesn't have any emotions for others or sympathy, you know it's all cap

SHE'S SO NICE AND A BABY AND IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE GO LOOK AT THAT GIF AGAIN AND EAT TOENAILS BRUH FR FR🙄👩‍❤️‍👩

She always wants to go shopping and people think she just needs a bag holder but really she wants to buy you things (more like everything in the store) (📸caught in 4k yo...)

You have this bet with her that if she does her homework when you guys have a study date and doesn't try to argue her way to getting a better grade with the teacher, you'll give her a kiss

She always wants to go on a date with you and ofc you'll accept it until she takes you the a luxury diner starts spending more than you thought

You never knew but she always take time out of her day to be grateful for you and knows she didn't deserve you and yet you chose to be with her <3

Her dad doesn't Technically like you due to changing her from arguing with the school and not caring to actually listening and caring about the world and making sense when talking about Haitians and not R.S.V.P

and Josh, when he did realize his feelings for her she did have feelings for him but her feelings for you were more stronger and bigger. Bitch neva backed off from her🙄👊

She has these moments where she'll stare at you and just want to drape you in a blanket and hide you from the world since you just mean so much to her (MY HEART <///3)

Fuck your basic school lunch you had before, now she always gets food from places you've never been too nor ever want to spend money on, and gives it to you with a kiss on the cheek and everyone just...stares (′▽`〃)

She don't gaf about everyone else and just makes the loudest "MUWAH" on your lips sometimes :D

Since you weren't ALWAYS the greatest person people ever set their eyes on, you found yourself getting picked on by people you've never even met😃-

Mom!Cher comes walking in and just whispers in their ear and the just stare and her realizes it's THE Cher Horowitz and just drop you, apologizes to you and her and just runs away

Not all heroes wear capes guys😩🤞

She could drive you anywhere you wanna go, geez she would drive you to San Francisco if it made you happy

She'd also drop everything she had to do that day just to see you even if you live farther from Beverly Hills

Even though you don't want her spending so much money on you she doesn't have another way to thank you for everything from support to love <333

#cher horowitz #clueless 1995 #clueless icons #Cher x reader #Clueless x reader #cher horowitz icons #CHERRRRY<3 #Ugh women yk <3333 #Down bhad??!?!?! Nope #Smizzy

[feuqueerfire]

Not Me Live Blogging - Episodes 1 - 5

Reasons to not start this show right now:

I'm still kinda stuck on Semantic Error, so I don't know if I can fully immerse myself in this show right now

I have so much schoolwork, I really shouldn't start an intense, long (14 eps?) show that I hope takes over my brain and heart and life

BUT: I want to, so here we go lol. The only other show I've watched while it's airing was 2gether and that was early 2020 and I wasn't into BL/GL or even shows then - that just happened because I liked the premise and due to the hype. So Not Me is the first show I'm starting while its airing during my show/BL fandom era since October 2021.

I'm going in with a lot of excitement and expectations, so I hope they'll be met ^.^

Episode 1 (Mar 15, 2022)

1-1

Horrible to be in the first 2 minutes and, because I got spoiled about episode 10, know that one of these kids in the future tries kill another. I've avoided most spoilers except like traces of what the show is about for weeks and weeks but recently, I read like 3 different posts talking about the same hot tub/swimming pool murder attempt scene lol

Just like students in BL tend to be Engineering students, I feel like their fathers tend to be diplomats (Leo's dad in Don't Say No, someone's dad in Enchanté?)

I am soooo weak for sibling relationships (my weakest point is parent-child relationships but after that, siblings are just arrow straight to the heart)

Is the juice box the first sponsor ad lol it hasn't even been 10 minutes

Damn the father doesn't even gaf where his other child is?

Gun's quite nice to look at; his styling when coming back to Thailand suits him

This ominous music during the dinner conversation with his dad's friend? Has me on wondering if there's gonna be a random assassination attempt lol

Oh, I see, he was just feeling the effects of whatever's happening to Black. I wish they let the actor express it (because he did do so, just subtly) and have the viewers start to catch on before it all goes to shit, rather than have the suspense music come in so early

i’ve watched only korean shows for 3 weeks, so watching a thai show and being unable to understand anything is 😭 hurts every-time i remember that i’m missing a lot of context if i don’t understand a language and don’t fully grasp the culture and nuances (esp because i’ve heard this show comments on that)

1-2

so Todd knows that White is in the country now? Otherwise why would he call him right? Also how do they have each other’s contacts still lol didn’t White move away as a child and doesn’t even know where his brother is?

omg a sibling promise !!

alskdjak mans just got so many piercings and tattoos at once fly high my dude

This sudden lighterhearted teasing about underwear and size just shocked me lol it's been so serious so far

And just to drive home my wallows about not understanding the language, here's a clearly incorrectly translated sentence T.T what else am I missingggg

It's interesting to see this photo with all these characters because thus far, I've just encountered things like SeanWhite, DanYok, ToddBlack, GramBlack, etc and also the Todd attempting to murder Black (I didn't know they were best friends until I started watching - agh I so deeply wish I didn't know about this attempt bc now obviously I'm more suspicious of everything and just... know what's coming kinda)

1-3

klsadfj White coming in with this little research about his brother's life is stressing me out ~_~'

I'm confused, isn't Black supposed to be like... a bad student? Constantly dropping classes, doesn't go to class, etc?

White, why are you so bad at this laksdjfljkdsf he's like a little baby bird. Pretty face though, sorry to be shallow *is not sorry*

Also, we got a sensible trans woman character for a few minutes who's not like the comic relief/joke of the scene. love that immensely, hope she continues to show up maybe?

I'm at the point in my Thai BL journey where I don't know all the GMMTV actors' names but I can recognize many of them from a show I've watched; such as: Todd played Thun's friend in He's Coming To Me

1-4

I can't believe I paused in the middle of this intense scene to write this long, unrelated ramble, lmfao but the first and only proper celebrities I've followed (Youtubers discounted) before these BLs is kpop idols and they have full coverage makeup during schedules, the devil Snow app for photos they post and filters for VLives and such to smoothen out their skin. When I saw a certain NCT Mark IG Live (can't remember which, maybe the one with him and Ten for T7S 5th anniversary?) where he was bare faced and we could actually see pimples and such, I liked it so much like something about it felt so touching because it was such a casual IG live + he was dressed casually and bare faces the naturally feel more authentic/close than filters. Anyway, Bad Buddy Episode 4, part 4 where after the makeup remover product placement, Ohm's barefaced (?) and we could see his skin's texture and acne scars and it felt so vulnerable and touching because it was a vulnerable and touching scene. Like, Pran looking at Pat all bare face, sleeping, no pretense and us also getting to see him like that and see how Pran longs for him. It was great and if his face had the blurry effect, it wouldn't have impacted me as much, probably. Anyway, seeing Gun's pores in this specific case isn't as impactful or touching like the instances above but it just reminded me lol. This show seems to also have that same rawness, so I hope that continues and I’m sure it’ll be even more impactful in emotionally vulnerable scenes.

I can't believe I paused in the middle of this intense scene to write this long, unrelated ramble, lmfao, but I guess that's what this is for: to write down my every thought. Back to the show!

This music choice is confusing the hell out of me in this Sean/White scene. I wish the music in this show wasn't so loud and so persistent, let the audience come to their own conclusions from the scene/dialogue/acting and then use the music to guide them to the correct conclusion rather than overwhelming them with it. They don't seem to use sound effects (thus far, at least), which is a GIFT for sure but replacing it with booming bg music is only slightly better

This random cat and mouse oil chasing scene is really cute, actually >.< From the way people spoke about this show, I thought there'd be like no levity but I'm glad there is

White being asked if he gets what he's being told and him nodding despite not getting a single thing

I've only criticized their music choices thus far but the last scene one is really good and fitting!

Aghh it's 1AM, so time to sleep but I also wanna know what happens next. Sometimes for these kBLs I could be like oh no, it's late but I still wanna watch the next episode it's 15-20 minutes anyway but this one... 45 minutes lol can't do the same. How do people wait week to week for these, as well? I've only started it now because I probably can't watch all the rest 12 episodes before the 14th episode comes out, what with school + wanting to spend time seeking out what people were saying after ep 1 aired

How'd I write this much for 1 episode... I guess it kinda makes sense since I've only done kBLs (+ Utsukushii Kare) thus far and those were fairly short whereas Not Me's 1 episode is like 1/3-1/2 of those shows just by itself lol

Episode 2 (Mar 16, 2022)

2-1

and hereby continues my slow death as I watch White be terribly at pretending to be Black

White was talking with Todd on the phone and I literally had to pause and do homework for an hour because I feel like Sean's gonna catch White spilling the beans on the phone and that is... very nerve-wracking

Okay, so Sean caught White screwing up twice (the phone call + not taking the guard down) but he seems to be just annoyed with him rather than suspicious/angry. He's still probably taking note of it all, right?

2-2

They've literally covered so much in gasoline anyway, what's the point of White not just doing his part as well just to blend in

stunning - I love love love the hints of blue as the fire's just starting

OH MY GOD HE WAS IN THERE ?!?@#:"!@QI weisadfh asodfjhsadfjkbsd

the way my eyes just got wider and wider as realization dawned on me... The first time Gawin was shown I was like oh yeah, people mentioned this guy's in the show, did I somehow miss him till now? But no... he wasn't in the show until now...

Wow, that was freaking intense

Is this the DanYok I've been hearing so much about?

lmao Black planned this whole thing?

"I'll give you one more chance. Act like the Black I used to know." damn that... will be difficult

2-3

This show is just a lot because I'm trying to like watch 10-15 minute chunk, do an hour of schoolwork, watch the next part, more homework, etc but whenever i'm doing schoolwork i'm like ooh i wonder what'll happen next but when i'm watching, i get too anxious and have to keep stopping lol

This specific scene where Gram was sharing a good memory of his with Black and White not knowing it was different from usual. This time there was no "oh, it's suspicious that you don't remember" but rather it felt pitiful; your brother has these memories with people that he doesn't with you + Gram's thinking he's Black and has this strong connection with him but doesn't

Mango, too, is always my answer whenever I don't know something. It's the South Asian in me.

2-4

lmfao Yok unconsciously drawing the dude he saved but doesn't know anything about. When I saw Yok drawing with the charcoal I was like oh yes, I did get spoiled about some DanYok drawing in that happens in one of the middle episodes 7-8(?) but didn't expect it to also kinda happen here lol. Anyway, my mans smiling once he realizes and making the tiddy more defined. hilarious

I wish I didn't know anything about what was gonna happen

As a scaredy cat who hardly ever even drives, it's interesting to watch them race to the garage via motorcycle, esp when White doesn't even know how to ride one of these big ones

Also fuck me, I clicked on a spoiler tag on reddit because I thought it was about Manner of Death but actually it was about DanYok not ending up together aghhh I shouldn't have clicked. I didn't even get invested in them yet but know that as of episode 13, they're not together (anymore?).

Episode 2 Behind: Look at the behind with all this real fire and them acting within it :0 rip the building ig

It's funny because I write all this as I watch but when I'm reblogging gifs/reading other people's thoughts afterwards even more thoughts form in my head like goddamn when will i shut up but anyway, here's some seanwhite/black thoughts from the tags because I didn't write anything about them here:

#it's funny because white's like wow this sean guy hates black! and whole time sean's overflowing with tenderness even while he's gruff

#wait a minute i did Not realize sean cried here i thought he was just sweating profusely but those are tear tracks

#this sean - white/black - gram dynamic so farrrrrr very curious

Episode 3 (Mar 16, 2022)

3-1

Watching Gun go from White-mode to Black-mode, he really is quite beautiful in both outfits. I was meh about him just from like the few pictures/clips I'd seen of him before starting the show but he's pretty

This fatherly diplomatic advice and expectations while White's going through some radical changes lol

I like Namo thus far, she's cool. I'm assuming they won't make her a creepy shipper or unreasonable jealous gf caricature, right? I think we can expect more from this show

3-2

One second into Yok's room and we have deduced that the man likes birds and boobs. Not that that couldn't have been deduced before, what with his bird tattoo and very booby drawing of Unar/Dan (?)

Edit after finishing ep 3: He also loves his mom, considering this scene + apparently his tattoo on his side means mother

Oh yeah I do remember hearing that there's a deaf character in the show. I can't comment on the authenticity or accuracy of it but I hope they're being respectful, especially since they're commenting on the ableism as well

It's interesting to watch White realize how naïve and privileged he is

As a student who's always looking for interships... interviewing in general is my worst nightmare but to watch him go through this... I paused 3 different times and did something else and we're still just on the first question lmfao I don't wanna watch this T.T

omggg P'Nuchy I owe you my LIFE they fr just skipped it <3

No but why do I find SeanWhite so cute already... Sean flicking White's forehead as revenge cute >.<

this romantic music and framing while they beat the shit out of each other lmfao (or rather Sean beats the shit outta White, mans is getting his ass kicked)

aslfkj White getting knocked out followed by some product placement

Beating the shit outta each other FOLLOWED BY WOUND TENDINGGGGG

Woahh Gumpa fully went "you can fool the rest of them but you can't fool me. I'm Gumpa, the owner of this garage." So he fully knows White isn't Black

3-3

Hilarious to watch White's dad be like "If you were some other guy, they'd fail you" but insist it's not cheating, not based on connections and to not talk badly about his friend or the ministry (who're allowing this cheating and nepotism)

White's realization of his privileges (and I'm assuming future development) is like a more ind-depth version of A Tian's from Tale of Thousand Stars

Unar points a gun at Yok and I suddenly understand why everybody's obsessed with them

3-4

loool we're getting seanwhite roommates ?

dang We really got a whole SeanWhite part ! the towel/accidental naked thing is too cringey for me and I'm not super into like the slow-mo so quickly but other than that, their interactions are cute

I'd seen some things like P'Nuchy hadn't scene BL and had also scene people saying they're more into DanYok than the main couple but they're cute and interesting to me so far

I watched 2 episodes throughout the day today but tomorrow I won't be able to watch anything till 6pm because of classes aghhhh :<

Episode 4 (Mar 17, 2022)

4-1

Was at school for like 5 hours + 2 hours commute total, so time to ignore all my schoolwork for a bit and treat myself to some queers arsonists and vigilantes !!

oh noo Sean the daring, stand-offish, leader type dude has nightmares. love this trope, obviously

Woah, interesting and intense. "If that was real, I'd just let you die."

I really wanna know more about what Black was like and his relationship with the others in the group. He seems like quite the character

4-2

Is this the pool where Todd tries to kill Black or whatever?

Agh, so is it that Todd's the one who sent the people after Black? And now he also has White on the inside, giving him info? I wish I didn't know about this random pool murder attempt T.T

4-3

Unar/Dan having drawn Yok means they've both drawing each other lol. I'm still not super into them the way people already were 4 eps in but I get why

In terms of side characters, I think Yok is really endearing and Gram/Nuch are cute, though I don't know if they'll end up going anywhere with them since Nuch mentioned being his ex-gf. Also, the way Gram looked skittish when she mentioned he's dating someone from Arts now... who? The people we know from Arts are like Eugene, Namo, Yok. Since he looked so shiftily at White/Black... maybe Eugene? Because we're got DanYok and Namo doesn't seem like she's gonna be involved in any of the show's drama, at least for now

lol literally

I read that apparently in the trailer Sean accuses Tawi of killing his father or something? I guess that's the reason they'll provide for why he's so hellbent on destroying him lol. I wonder if the dude Sean mentioned in the case who was executed (?) for dealing drugs was his father or something

This crocodile picking scene is so funny because we've got intense suspense music in the background while White apprehensively stares at this toy crocodile that often shows up in kpop groups' variety content just to add a little pizazz

4-4

lmfaooo White not knowing where he stands with Black gf and not knowing how to comfort her

Oh wow, I was like obviously it can go toward a sexy, intimate road considering the situation and setting but I still wasn't expecting all this kissing for some reason. It's a good kiss, too - not awkward or weird; hope the actual couple ones we get turn out this way too

why is he getting her drunk asdflkrhfsf it's to just make her speak easier and possibly not remember what she talked to him about, right? what a shitty thing nonetheless

It's interesting that White's chill with kissing somebody who doesn't actually know who he is (intimate under false pretenses), kissing his brother's girlfriend AND getting her drunk. He's getting used to doing shady things, I suppose

Eugene's watch on her left hand is sooo attractive to me like she's already pretty but every time her hand comes up when she takes a drink and you get glimpses of her watch on her hand... very attractive to me personally

Dang girl what are you hiding? Also, idk if episode 4-5 is too soon to find out this information for real in at 14 episode show. Probably a misdirect?

Did his motorcycle say Low Fuel as he's turning it on? Dude c'mon

Does Thailand just casually have self-driving taxis or what

lmfao so we really got Gram and Eugene, she's the Arts student Gram's seeing?? But also, things with Eugene just give off red herring vibes, so who knows

time to do some work before I start episode 5... how much self-discipline will i have to actually manage though?

Episode 5 (Mar 17, 2022)

5-1

I'm thinking I'll split up the live blogging into 3 parts: 1-5, 6-10, 11-14 because it's getting so long. 14 45-minute episodes just have too much happen for me write all thoughts down in just one post.

Also, this is episode 5, right? Hmm I have a feeling for some reason that something happens in this ep? What a vague sentence like yes, Feu, things to happen in this 45 minute show. I feel like I'd been spoiled for something in ep 5 but forgot what it was, which is great, actually. Good job, brain, the only good opportunity to forget.

Todd is so chill and humourous about everything lol I guess it makes sense White's so naïve about him but like Todd is kinda everything Black is against

I just heard a rooster in the background while White's talking to Todd :0 reminds me of the motherland lol

White freezing for so long seeing Sean sleeping on that bed with Namo. Oh, my dude, you're worse down than I thought

I know we're supposed to be like the reason Sean's so mad is underlying jealousy that even he doesn't grasp yet but actually, people being on my bed without my permission literally makes me see red so I get him.

Every time White opens his mouth in regards to that law class, my stress level rises twofold

5-2

White is just so cute, the way he's yelling at stretching, I really do wonder how he hasn't been caught yet lol

sorry but that jump over the two buildings is so funny-looking, what with the slow-mo

friendship piles are my favouriteeeee i miss draping myself over my friends' laps

Now they're discussing with each other that Black seems different, I wonder when the Black/White reveal will happen. I hope by the end of next episode just because I'm reaaaally curious to see the fallout/consequences of that but it might be too early in the story/character development

I think Gumpa knows Black's not Black and for some reason has a vested interest in Sean/White and that's hilarious

5-3

Unable to understand whether that random short shirtless Gram scene was for the audience's benefit or White's lol

Edit after finishing this part: Oh, I see. It was for Black's benefit from Gram's end, not knowing that dude isn't here rip

"Are you here to study for the exam or to study Sean?"

White is like the epitome of privileged, naïve nepo baby. "Oh? There's a monopoly? Ummm you should just start your own business if monopoly's so bad, duh" I guess even though he's had some epiphanies about disparity previously, it's still a surface level understanding

Also, this reminded me: I wonder what's happened to his dad in all this time? Like, doesn't his dad wanna know what White's up to? What about the job?

"I'm sorry for seeing you as more than a friend" ?!?!?! woah okay so there were very subtle GramBlack hints before (the dolls in Black's room with B & G, the motorcycle ride where Gram talks about Black in ep 2) but this has me O.O at attention

Omg Gram's getting Black/White Rasmalai ? Must be true love fr

Why is White sooo suspicious, would it kill you to just continue the studying ruse for another hour? I guess he's panicked because Gram likes/d Black (or tbh? maybe Black confessed? and Gram kept it? but maybe not since Black had a gf until recently and idk if he'd do that while he's dating someone else) but still. At least he's very cute while trying to get away

Anyway, wild that we have yet to see Gram and Black actually interact, rather than Gram and White, but I'm fully invested in GramBlack like what

5-4

Umm the way Todd said he's not surprised a friend likes Black... okay? sudden confusion in my brain regarding the ToddBlack swimming pool attempted murder scene in ep 10 vs also remembering people talking about ToddBlack dynamics... they can be enemies and also lovers/pining/etc and that's fun too. Black wake up so that I know your dynamics with these characters !!

Yok looks fucking feral whenever he's looking at Unar/Dan lmfao; like he's got a glint in his eye

First running from a fire because one of them committed arson and next time running from cops because the other did some protest grafriti. It's true love, I guess. I read as of episode 13 that they're broken up so that sucks.

lol I guess every ship in this show has to have a punch thrown

Woah, I fully didn't see that coming, Dan's a cop?!

I wonder if this kidnapping thing is actually real or not? Like the TIMING made it seem very fake, wouldn't the bad guys wait for Sean to get off the phone before intercepting him? Maybe it's like another tear-gas situation from Gumpa

Okay, I don't think anything happened in episode 5 that was significant and I forgot. I may have gotten it mixed with hmm Enchante episode 5 maybe? I feel like there's a kiss there or something and everybody was going on about it

How did people wait a whole week for this? I keep thinking maybe I'll watch something weekly but remember that no, I wouldn't survive. I'll watch episode 6 tomorrow morning, maybe in 10-11 hours, and I'm already in agony, thinking hmm actually maybe I'll watch just another 45 minute ep

Anyway, quite good so far. I'm enjoying the story, the characters, the cinematography, the acting, the ships. It keeps me wanting to watch more. Bad idea to have started it right now when I have so much schoolwork but oh well, I suppose.

I was worried I couldn’t be able to connect with the story/characters as much because I was going through a bit of a Semantic Error withdrawal but the show managed to keep my attention and get my heart, as well. I’m invested!

I really, really hope the plot picks up more. Thus far, we've been setting up the story and the characters and the relationship dynamics but we haven't actually progressed much in terms of actually getting answers about who Black's attackers were and the friends haven't found out about White's identity either. There hasn't really been much change plot-wise from episode 2, which is definitely a weakness considering we're on episode 5.

Although, I will say that it doesn't feel slow moving to me. Things like Manner of Death or He's Coming to Me were extremely slow to me but this show has enough going on in terms of visuals and mystery and character dynamics that I'm fairly satisfied even without forward plot movement.

Episodes 6 - 10

Episodes 11 - 14 

#not me #ep by ep commentary

[janiedean]

What do you think of the recent Sansa discourse? (I will catch you up) a Sansa fan said that they felt Sansa was being an asshole when she calls Jon her half-brother. And the Sansa and Jonsa fans all collectively lost their minds. They are saying that Sansa was only trying to be polite and avoid calling him bastard the way Robb and the rest of the siblings do. Personally I feel like it’s impossible to ever discuss Sansa’s growth and an arc since people are always splitting hairs to make her a saint from the beginning of the series. But I know you love both Sansa and Jon so I wondered what you actually thought about this? I can honestly see it both ways. But I am growing increasingly frustrated with Sansa fandom and the inability to discuss her growth as a person since she can never be considered as anything but 100% kind, empathetic, and perfect at all times. I feel like people miss so much of the humor that exists in her early AGOT chapters when the do this as well.

... thanks for the catch up because I had... uh... zero idea this was a discourse but anyway as yes someone who loves both my opinion would be

i don't know in what language do people need to read it but like the point is that as you say sansa has both growth and evolution as a character so downplaying whatever she said about jon before she went off to KL... makes no sense? like. the point isn't how she called him because robb did call him his bastard brother and loved him anyway so whatever, the point is the intention and if jon himself thinks she was the most like catelyn/they weren't close and sansa herself while masquerading as alayne thinks 'oh I wish I could see him again I realised how wrong I treated him'.... then she didn't treat him like her brother which is fine because that's the entire point of both their storylines in that sense? XD

like, if (as I'm pretty much sure at this point) the whole plot is 'sansa goes from vale to north with jb+sandor+an army just in time to help jon & co retake winterfell after jon comes back to life in wow' then... the point is that they meet again and they have to learn to have a healthy relationship? and the point of the first stark reunion being the two that were the least close to each other means more literary conflict?? more to explore??? like if they always were nice to each other then there's nothing to write about?? that's the point??

also like......... idk how to say it but the two of them growing to have a relationship is good for the both of them??? and it's character growth/evolution and it means at the end of it the surviving starks are closer than they were in the beginning?? like denying it or twisting it like 'ah but she was always nice to him/courteous' which a) she wasn't b) he didn't perceive like that anyway means... idk that you don't care about them having an evolving rship??

I mean like if suddenly I decided that nah jaime and brienne actually didn't dislike each other he was just being an ass and she likes that humor so they absolutely enjoyed each others's company from the beginning not only it makes no sense plot-wise but it cheapens their entire journey because learning to like each other from actually not so much is half of the fun? like... idg what you get out of it other than making the text less compelling?

also like.... if you ship it there's nothing bad in it like relationships evolve it's not like you can't ship two ppl if they didn't have a great a+ amazing rship since the beginning otherwise it's BAD which is a thing I'm seeing in fandom in general anyway and... why???? honestly as someone who does love friends to lovers and shit I find it nonsensical because rewriting thing X in order to make it look more... okay or palatable or like it was never a conflict imvho means you don't really like thing X that much? idk if I'm making sense but honestly idg why it would be such a problem if sansa actually didn't gaf about jon pre-series if you ship it XD one would presume you'd ship it because she'd grow to gaf about him or... what's the point

> I feel like it’s impossible to ever discuss Sansa’s growth and an arc since people are always splitting hairs to make her a saint from the beginning of the series I mean... you're not wrong and I'd like for people to realise that 'demonizing sansa because she did and said stupid shit when she was twelve as all 12yo do is stupid and she's not a bad person for that' and 'sansa was never absolutely perfect and impeccable from page one' are two statements that can coexist but from what I gather a lot of people just... don't care about the fact that she actually has an arc that goes places when it comes to overgrowing being a 12yo

> she can never be considered as anything but 100% kind, empathetic, and perfect at all times my problem is that people say it but then proceed to completely ignore the book canon in which she is kind and empathetic because that kindness and empathy doesn't go towards the people they want it to go to and then I have to read show truthing with ppl saying that ramsay's death was IC for sansa or the last three seasons were IC for sansa when they're not and she was everything but kind and empathetic so like...... pick and choose one because she can't be kind and empathetic but then you like instances of the show when she was everything but and honestly i feel like most of current sansa standom completely sleeps on that fact or on how she's actually kind and empathetic lmao or how she's a complex character so she has faults same as everyone in these books but like it's... not worth the discussion imvho which is why I'm sticking with the corner that's friendly with the two ships for her I have and bye because honestly in between that and ppl deciding that she's the main character I can't anymore, and I'm saying it as someone who doesn't have a single main character in her top five so let's please get out of the way that it's because I don't want her to be or anything XD

tldr: I feel like with this fandom lately it's impossible to discuss sansa sticking to the text and I think this discourse makes no sense because denying sansa didn't gaf about jon doesn't make their relationship more compelling (and that goes with... turning any other rship either of them has into abuse™ like in order for those two to be shipped whichever way you like jonygritte and jond*ny don't have to be abusive rships and you can not describe sandor and tyrion as the worst™ that ever happened to say one but that's another problem we're not getting into now) and like... I don't know maybe it's me having picked the trash faves with the lamp as we say here but if I started retroactively deciding that theon in acok was really a nice dude or that jaime never did anything nasty in his life or that robb never was an ass to people because of badly managed anger then like... idk they wouldn't be the people I like? *shrug* honestly I don't understand and there's nothing bad in saying my fave#1 was an ass to my fave#2 but now they changed and they'll get better??? idk if you told me 'do you wanna read the fic where they actually like each other from the get-go' I'd say OKAY IT'S A FANFIC LET'S SEE HOW YOU DO IT but it's a fanfic it's not canon so X°D

people ignore the whole of sansa's agot chapters anyway because they're not convenient to half of the points they wanna make (I mean she and jeynep are also not exactly great to arya either but XDDDD) and they ignore the main point of her sl so at this point nothing surprised me but I just wish ppl didn't bend over backwards to make characters whatever they want because... they have to be moral or perfect™ and that's where I'm stopping X°D

then if you want mvho about the actual question is that whether sansa meant to be polite or not (which I don't think is the heart of the matter) the point is that she didn't care about jon as a sibling the way the others did and he didn't feel close to her either and the fact that his other siblings said he was their bastard brother and he still felt closer to them than with her means it's splitting hair over linguistics when the point is the intent and like... they weren't close, dot, which is entirely okay because the entire point is that they have to become close when they meet again X°D so idg what's the big deal about this but here you go X°D

#anonymous #ask post #1 #3 #4 #5 #2 #anti-show sansa #anti-jonsa #anti jonsa #this isn't even an anti post but like... GUYS I DON'T WANT WANK #ch: sansa stark #ch: jon snow #grrm please publish wow #anyway here we go sorry for the lateness

[randomnameless]

I don't know if this has been asked before, but I was wondering what your thoughts on Rhea are.

Oh, I don't think someone asked it, but I remember a character meme.

Rhea's in the Julia tier : you're expecting things and the game doesn't give you any.

you asked for thoughts so this is long and rather unorganised even if i tried a bit and i feel like i repeated myself a lot so meh

If Edel and Rhea have one thing in common, it's being shafted by the need to make Billy the most special being every with the monstrous "I was lonely before you player-chan uwu".

Seteth'n'Flayn ? In the same trashcan Hubert went in.

Catherine, Shamir, the randoms living in the monastery? Dgaf but still she's willing to die for them so does she really gaf or not? Rhea's willing to give her blood and crest stone shards (to this day I still don't understand what those are) to trusted randoms who would become cardinals? "uwu player-chan". I know I've written a bit about it with the seirelm anon, but with the Canon-ish info? Post Zanado Rhea told a random dude she could turn in a dragon, gave her blood to the same dude and remained in his empire/fighting by his side for at least 30 years. Still “lonely without U Billy <3″

I've written this in the meme entry, but Rhea has her own net of relationships. They're not as important as Dimitri and his childhood friends, but erasing them for the sake of "player-chan" feels wrong.

Role and goals

Rhea's in an interesting place, being a former "legendary hero" like Athos, Sephiran etc.

Still her fight isn't over, she only defeated Nemesis and couldn't end the mastermind behind (a bit like Seliph if you only kill Arvis or Roy when you forget to pick up every legendary weapon). Also, if Seiros killed Nemesis, she hasn't won. In the current Fodlan, she still has to pretend to be a human, the Nabateans as a culture/population are dead. They're still 5 (ish? I think the apostles are lizards), she's still afraid humans will dice them if they learn the truth. Has she won? Idk. Could she win and make a Fodlan were lizards and humans could live together? I don't think so.

Her role as the Archbishop? Well, the game really liked Rhea as a red herring during white clouds and the way FE16 is built, around the monastery, reinforces it. Rhea's the head of the monastery, so she's the head of your world. Everything wrong with the world is automatically linked to Rhea.

So, when Marianne complains about people wanting to kill/ostracise her because of her crest, thinking it's a curse, we of course wonder "why Rhea can't tell to the randoms that no Marianne shouldn't be killed/shunned because of her crest?". Completely forgetting that, hey, Marianne's from the Alliance and heiress of Edmund, so if some people should intervene, it should be her dad "why the fuck are you trying to kill my daughter" or the Alliance council "Duke Riegan, could you please make a public statement about my daughter and how she isn't some sort of demonic beast so stop throwing rocks at her?".

Same thing with the Empire, why should you blame the church and the crests instead of the people doing shit? Hanneman's brother in law? Like is marriage so absolute that a husband can force multiple pregnancies on his wife to the point of literally killing her? The von Essar aren't as important as the Bergliez, but Hanneman's sister dying like that should have rang some bells? Hanneman's dad didn't care? No one wanted to appeal to the Emperor or something? If Jane the random or Karen the peasant died this way, it’d be usual class nonsense. But a noble woman??

Rhea should have done more to prevent crest abuse. She wrote tenets in her Bible and apparently doesn't discriminate in her monastery. But in the other countries? Idk. Her tenets are interpreted like your shopping list by Gloucester Sr "and add a part where interacting with foreigners goes against Seiros's teachings what yes I know better than those dunces from the eastern/central church".

It's not because Riegan Sr and Ionius aren't doing shit that she should do nothing too, but ultimately it falls on the usual landmine about Rhea's influence and power over Fodlan and if we consider Fodlan isn't just the Monastery we see but a continent made up of 4 autonomous states...

The so-called status quo isn't upheld by the church alone (if it is upheld in the first place!), but also by the empire and the Alliance... Lambert was toasted before making any changes, the Alliance is that weird thing where money is anything and crests/old nobility doesn't matter anymore, and the Empire is... Well. The Empire.

Regarding this, I find it really strange that Rhea went to Goneril and rescued one of their slaves, with how much she cares about protecting her monastery and not antagonising anyone, picking Cyril up, risking the ire of house Goneril, feels really risky from her perspective.

Imo WC doesn't sell me the "church rules over the continent" take.

Ultimately it doesn't matter because Rhea thinks she should have done more, and abused her position as the archbishop to rez her mom - I understand the "abused her position" as regretting her various omissions, like helping more people around etc etc.

I also feel like Rhea’s got a big survivor complex, and tries to fulfill impossible tasks. "leading/guiding the world?" she won't take an active role in it, but still resents the state of current Fodlan and wishes Sothis could restore some order (crest abuse? Or relics popping up right and left meaning more sibs dying). She wants to :

1/ guide the world and make it a better place (why complaining about the wayward Fodlan otherwise?)

2/ protect randoms who live under her protection

3/ make sure no one learns the truth about her appearance and relics at the same time.

I don't think it's possible given her current role and especially not possible on her own.

About 3/, call back to FE9 or not, but Rhea's paranoia is... Actually, not proven to be exaggerated in the game.

Ranulf was lynched in Crimea when he was discovered to be a laguz? In a certain route, Rhea's called a cruel beast due to her appearance, accused of not having "human" feelings and is depicted as a creature masquerading as a human. Hate and attack the woman all you want for things she did or might have done, but getting rid of her because she's not human? Rhea's right about not revealing her true nature, because, relics notwithstanding, humans will try to kill her for being a nabatean. Relic wise, in the DLC, we learn Aubin was recently turned in a relic, so that's even more reason to hide.

On 1/, wanting to promote peace in the land? National bias at play with rewriting history “to promote peace” issue. Rhea also built the officer's academy (if nobles from different states can live and study together surely they won't try to kill each other when they return home because they might have become friends?) and with help from the everyone in Fodlan (even the empire iirc?) built the locket to fend off Almyrian invasions. Not saying this is the best way to protect your borders but at least she tried to help instead of staying holed in her monastery.

Imo if Rhea didn't care about Fodlan, she'd have followed her bros and fortified herself in her monastery without accepting random humans to live with her, wouldn't have written a book about how everyone had to get along "unless it goes against the goddess" and wouldn't basically run what seems to be the biggest orphanage/place for the needy/and whatever is the abyss in the continent.

Not saying she doesn't have a priority, but Rhea tries to care, on her scale, about Fodlan's randoms.

About said randoms (and 2/)...

Well there's this bout with Lonato's rebellion and another herring where Rhea's all "I will destroy anyone who takes arms against the church and its believers" and it's extreme, I can’t deny. But if Lonato took arms and mounted a militia to attack Ositia's castle and its randoms? Hector'd have Armads'd Lonato without a second thought. Elincia had qualms about taking her weapons against her own countrymen who were used by Ludveck, but in the end, she took up her weapons to defend her castle, even if it meant she had to kill militiamen. Rhea's line seemed random and cold in the context, but it's the same general idea, attack her people and she will kill you. Still, if you don't take weapons against her, she won't react violently. Duke Gerth is apparently dick waving with Aubin's relic, but Shamir wasn't sent to recover the thing or to get rid of Gerth.

Ultimately Rhea blows her cover and abandons her dream to reunite with her mother to protect the monastery and its inhabitants in 3 routes (arguably in CF too). Someone once made a post about the differences between Seiros's and Edel's crowns and the symbolism of wings - the IO's wings are meant to protect. The IO is the guardian/protector. Rhea tanks missiles and buys time for the students to escape at the cost of her life.

Relationships

Rhea and Sothis? someone made a post summarizing my thoughts about their relationship, or lack of, and if we can argue Sothis was shafted by the devs like Rhea and Edel, ultimately the only important person to Sothis is Billy.

Billy doesn't warp Sothis's preexisting net of relationships, Sothis doesn't have relationships with anyone save for Billy. Rhea wants to meet her mom more than anything else (save for protecting randoms) but Sothis will never address that plot point. She only does in SS and off screen, and it ends up with Rhea wondering if she should live... so take it as you want, but to me it mustn't have been the "hug and pat on the head" kind of reunion.

Ultimately we see Rhea is able to let go of her dream (rez mom) in several routes, she understands and acknowledges Sothis will never return and Billy has her powers now, so either she dies more or less at peace knowing she can trust Billy with Fodlan's future, or she can return to Zanado and live peacefully with Catherine.

Which leads me to the Billy relationship,

As much as I hate player pandering, it makes some sense that Rhea would support Billy and not, let's say, Caspar. I still hate it though because Billy exclusive support means we were robbed of Rhea's other supports with, idk, her fam, Cyril, Catherine, Shamir, Alois, Hanneman, Manu etc etc.

In the beginning of WC, Rhea's pretty sure Billy's Sothis but without memories. Then in the non-cf chapter 12, she tells Billy they know what they are and thus must guide Fodlan, also telling Seteth Billy's a vector for sothis's powers, but not Sothis herself. In SS's finale she calls them "mother" but in her S-support finally acknowledges Billy's their own thing.

In CF Rhea's vicious in her trash talk but immediately jumps to the conclusion that Billy cannot be or hear Sothis, because, to her, logically, Sothis wouldn't side with Edel and her Agarthian allies (stealing the crest stones, Flayn, etc etc). Billy is something that stole Sothis's crest stone and sword and wants to finish what Nemesis started. I don't think CF Rhea snaps because Billy isn't Sothis, CF Rhea snaps because, again, someone is using her mother to kill her.

Rhea's also supposed to have been fond of Citrus to the point of talking to her remains (something she does with her mom) which could explain her sympathy for Billy regardless of the Sothis project.

Jeralt's a different issue, apparently they worked together for more than 100 years but Rhea never told him the truth about her nature, only about how he was saved. Still, Jeralt betrays when his baby is "weird" and unlike regular human babies so... Would he have ran away if he learnt what rhea was? Dumped Citrus if he knew she was an artificial being? Idk.

Catherine Shamir cyril and pals (Alois)? We don't know bcs the game dgaf about anyone not named Billy. As I said above, It’d have been nice to get more interactions with randoms she is working with, or at least showed some care, but nope. “Player-chan uwu” strikes again.

Seteth'n'Flayn? Rhea's close to them, she gets out of her room to look for Flayn and Cyril and Catherine note how she seems close to Seteth (who's totally her bro), but again, the game hates us. FFS don't think she has a line with Flayn!

Secrets and explosions

Tied to 3/ and 1/ from earlier, Rhea keeps a lot of secrets which could justify her lack of relationships/supports with the others... but this argument falls flat, because she’s not the only one with a secret and if Flayn doesn’t seem to care that much about hers, Seteth does and is still able to support students and staff members. Which leads to tragedies.

The Christophe incident is not well documented, and while we learn Rhea was the target of Christophe’s attempt because Western peeps told him so, it is not very well explained why she didn’t execute him on those grounds instead of falsifying charges about involvement with the Regicide. We are told it was to stabilise the Kingdom, but I still don’t know how the Kingdom would have suffered backlash if Rhea told the truth (maybe it would have led to open conflict between the western church and the central church in the kingdom, when the kingdom needed stability at that point? idk).

Still, Lonato wants revenge for Christophe, not because he was executed on false charges, but because he died ; imo, if Lonato learnt the truth, he’d still be out for Catherine and Rhea’s head.

Aelfie’s gambit is more of a direct result of Rhea’s secrecy, because she had “no words” for him about why Citrus was still in pristine condition, he gave up and tried to rez her. Would it had been different if she told him what Citrus was (and by extent, what she was)? Idk. Maybe, maybe not.

Still, Rhea doesn’t keep secrets from everyone every time - she once trusted Willy and told him about her alternate form and it exploded 1k years later, when Willy’s descendants are out for her head because she’s a creature masquerading as a human (I know mole people also played a part, but I guess it sticked more with Edel and the gang who already knew Rhea was a dragon ; trying to convince a random that “hey, this woman is a dragon !” would be more difficult). CF-wise again, Rhea trusts Billy with the SoC and, again, it explodes. In CF Rhea feels betrayed, she trusted some people and now the very same people (or their descendant in Edel’s case) are trying to kill her.

So it’s not a case of someone never trusting anyone, it’s someone trusting some people and regretting it afterwards (in both routes + CF at least, even if I firmly believe the “evil lizards ruling over the world” spiel doesn’t come from Willy, but from later emperors influenced by mole people).

There can also be a point made for Aelfie, who might have been able to merge with Citrus to create an umbral beast because he had Rhea’s blood and a crest stone shard - Citrus being a fake Nabatean and Aelfie having a crest stone + blood might have produced CS’s final boss? Rhea trusted Aelfie with a crest stone shard and her blood, and he became an umbral beast.

Interestingly, Rhea is hell bent on keeping her secrets regarding her identity, in SS Seteth has to beg her to reveal everything to Billy when Billy is the most important person in the world “uwu” or at least, the only person Rhea supposedly opened to. Even the “uwu” factor isn’t enough, on its own, to make her reveal the truth about her identity.

She gives Claude half-truths, and has to be on death’s door to tell him everything - still occulting Seteth’n’Flayn, to the point where Claude later wonders if there are other children of the goddess around.

Vengeful Rhea?

Rhea isn't a stale piece of bread like Julia. She says mean words to Nemesis but also brutally kills him. Rhea cannot forgive the Elites. I know it's very different, but Julia "dad is the kindest man I ever knew" making a 180° “i must atone for what dad did eff him” will always make me throw up - she doesn’t have to be vengeful or try to stab Seliph with a butter knife, but no acknowledgement of “dad’s the bestest” after his death, or even, of his death is meh.

To Rhea, Nemesis and the Elites are a trigger point, and everything related to Zanado. CF!Billy using her mom’s powers is like Nemesis, CF!Billy + Edel pillaging what remains of her siblings in Nemesis’n’Dudes. Flamey doing his shit with Flayn also parallels that. There’s the usual “vengeance sucks” speech to be given, but also the Tellius verse where Laguz aren’t depicted in a bad light when they want to destroy Izuka or when Tibarn learns Lekain was responsible for Serenes’s massacre.

Still, unlike Tibarn’n’pals, Rhea, unlike Macuil, doesn't seem to hold a grudge against descendants of the Elites. Maybe she had faith in them when she told them not to abuse the power of their crests, but then their descendants forgot or didn’t care and we’re in the so-called crest system.

In SS, Seteth asks the BE students if they want to return home to the Empire and how he won’t hold it against them. Seteth’s being Rhea’s right hand bro in this situation, I doubt he’d have proposed this solution without her approval.

She is vengeful and ready to pursue for more 90 years someone to kill them, but she won’t target that someone’s descendants or potential allies. I’ve read some takes about the Western Church being razed to the ground after Catherine’s paralogue, but iirc, Rhea’s only going to execute the Bishop there ; they appoint a new bishop in hopes to ease the relationships between the central and western church. There’d be no point to appoint someone to rule over a body that doesn’t exist...

Grey waves

Wave 1 : Another parallel with Edel is the will to sink in troubled waters to reach their goals.

However, Rhea stays on the surface.

Aelfie thinks Seiros failed to rez Sothis with the chalice because she didn't take more blood from the apostles. Blood rituals are creepy and gave an umbral beast. Seiros didn't pursue and sought another mean to rez Sothis without killing her bros. Rhea makes homunculi to host Sothis's soul? It fails but the homunculi isn't destroyed asap to make another one, hell, Rhea cares about them (which is all kinds of fucked up on its own).

AM wise, iirc, Seteth and Catherine say Rhea'd never forgive them if they run to save her instead of saving randoms first.

Still, making homunculus to create a vessel for her mom - making artificial lives - is problematic, she’s ashamed of it “i did questionable things” and Seteth berates her on her “questionable” experiments.

CF!Rhea eats babies during the final map. She burns the city to make her last stronghold and refuses to run away. CF!Rhea, at the end of this route, completely abandoned goal 1 2 and 3. She wants to survive, yes, but to recover Sothis, no matter how. She still seems to care about humanity, but takes everything too literally and is persuaded humanity and humans are after her to hurt her and her mother (i’m pretty sure uncle Arry was waiting with his Agarthan tech suitcase for Edel to deal with the beast in the background). Contrary to CF’s chapter 12, Endgame!Rhea doesn’t have lines when Catherine and Cyril fall. She’s still siding with humans, but she’s in this for herself now.

Of course, CF!Rhea is special, because CF!Rhea lives again through her trauma, CF!Rhea lost her home, her bro and niece a few chapters ago, she lost her human allies, apparently some peons from her church are deserting and Uncle is waiting with his portable electric saw to turn her in a shiny sword, because she trusted a corpse with Sothis’s heart and spine and trusted a human 1000 years ago with her secret. And now said corpse follows someone who rings at her door with an army, wishes to obliterate her unless she surrenders (?) and works with Uncle and his dubstep pals.

In the other routes, Billy doesn’t want to killer her with her mother’s spine and tries to defend her home, Seteth’n’Flayn aren’t forced into exile or dead and depending on the route she gets to see Uncle and his dubstep friends being buried under rubble.

Troubled waters to reach her goals also include slowing Fodlan’s technological advancements (but was it really slowing down Fodlan’s R&D’s department or cliking “no” when Mole People offer a free (for now) new technology that makes you advance from bronze age to the industrial era in one go?)

Wave 2 : Rhea’s anchored in the past, she wants to return to happier days with her mom and her family, but also wants to help randoms in Fodlan

She doesn’t seem to mind the present where humans do whatever they want, and yet will protect her people and tries (or tried since it’s history) to keep Fodlan safe.

I think the game wanted to tell us Rhea’s stuck in the past, but she also manages to form bonds (albeit fickle) in the present with Catherine, Shamir and, arguably, Cyril. Seteth’n’Flayn accept the past and try to move forward, Rhea cannot and yet is making baby steps forward, or at least to live in the present. “uwu factor” is supposed to mean Rhea’s stuck in the past and can only see Billy for what they are once she accepts to live in the present, but Rhea’s already fond of Catherine, calls Aelfie her child, was fond of Citrus and Jeralt, makes time for Cyril, etc etc. It’s not as clear cut as drinking tea with them but it’s still something that quashes the “lonely B4 U player-chan uwu”.

Rhea thinks her biggest grey wave is how she didn’t do enough for Fodlan and feels inadequate to walk in Sothis’s shoes as the guardian/protector of Fodlan - she could have done more, but she’s busy juggling with three goals, rez mom, protect fodlan, protect the fam.

I think one of her main issue (but the game was also made this way so) is to try to reach those goals alone, save for the “rez mom” goal, everyone in Fodlan, especially the heads of the three states should be concerned with keeping peace in the continent!

Lambert was BBQ’s, Riegan’s busy shitting on Gloucester and Ionius is... well, Ionius. Add to that Mole People starting up shit all around the continent and you have the recipe for a disaster. I’m not saying Lambert and Ionius should have participated to the “protect her family” goal, but at least not trying to eradicate them to turn them in relics would have been nice, sadly Ionius’s bro in law was an Agarthan.

Even if she is nearly immortal compared to a human, Rhea can’t do everything on her own. That’s why I ultimately think a SS ending is doomed to fail, Billy will try to be Rhea 2.0. and in 1000 years it will fall apart again.

AM ending? Billy will become like Rhea was post War of Heroes, but when Dimitri’s descendants start to do shit, his Kingdom disappears and humans start to return to their usual shitty selves, what will Billy do?

VW ending is kind of the same, Claude wants to open the borders and make everyone able to live regardless of their differences, but what if 940 years later an Almyrian president decides to build a wall between Fodlan and Almyra and make Fodlaneses pay for it? What is immortal Billy, who knew Claude and his ideals, going to do?

Wave 3 (lol i nearly forgot but remembered when i was rambling in the tags) : Rhea and technology !

The DLC book and Word of God said she slowed advance of technology in Fodlan to protect peace etc etc. But there’s a book where a cardinal said “eff to autopsies else people won’t rely on us with faith magic” which is... kind of weird. There’s a reason why Rhea might have approved that ban (Why does Freikugel look like a hip bone?) but it still deprived Fodlan’s randoms from the scientifical advance of autopsies... and made people reliant on faith magic.

Actually, the book goes

“Though it is widely believed that this is medically relevant, such actions upon a corpse are considered desecration of the dead. Since white magic can be used to a similar end, autopsies were deemed taboo. A notable cardinal asserted that if medical science were to excel over faith-based white magic, it would destabilize the foundation of the church “

I already pointed out the WTF between faith and white magic (Seteth doesn’t believe his mom is real so he has no faith boon) but interesting to note “desecrating the dead” is still something of an argument nowadays, not regarding autopsies but other practices like anatomical theaters etc etc. Maybe White Magic isn’t intrusive and yields the same results? idk.

Interesting to note, it’s a cardinal who edicted/justified that ban (Rhea as the head of the Church would have given her approval oc). As pointed out with the Freikugel example, Rhea’d have a personal interest in preventing humans to know more about anatomy (goal 3/). Would people stop looking to the church to be healed if “medical science” progresses too much? Maybe. From what we see in the curren Fodlan, it doesn’t.

Also, French version translated the “foundation of the church” as “stability” of the church - would the church become unstable or challenged if people could heal without using white magic? Again, we ultimately know that it doesn’t, magical science and medical science coexist, Manuela gives a short summary of the two - they have different effects.

As for things Rhea herself banned : Telescopes, Oil exploitation and Printed Press.

Telescopes were banned because Rhea thought it would increase violence during wartimes and would make it too easy to snipe from afar (TFW mages with bolting can do the same without telescopes, but they’re limited by their range and if they have a gloucester’s crest by Rhea’s sister’s femur’s range or whatever is Thyrsus). We know the mole people use (and most likely used before during the Sothis war) this technology. The “lessening the mystery of the goddess” thing is noted by Edel herself who wonders if the Goddess could really have come from space since it’s super far away. Edel doesn’t know the Goddess is an alien dragon-thing though.

Oil exploitation : “Misuse could result in accidental death” tfw random Faerghus countryman thought it was water and died :’(

Used tactically by those lacking magical abilities - like gambits? Was Rhea thinking that a random human cannot set fire to an entire city (lol) on his own with his limited spell pool/uses, but if he uses oil then he would only be limited by the quatity of oil? So it’d be easier to cause mass fires? Or whatever Robin did in FE13 with the ships and the Valmese army? Also, if Rhea thought oil could replace humans with magic, does it mean humans with magic were supposed to do everything oil can do? Like making a lamp or they still used something else as fuel? “Competition for it could cause strife” Rhea acknowledged that if humans discovered this ressource they’d deem it as essential and try to get their hands on it, even if they had to wage war?

Metal molding Printing Machine : “after careful consideration” Rhea banned it because it’d be useless for illiterate randoms - well yes, but why should this be an argument? You don’t ban something because it’s useless, look, no one banned airpods - risk of mass circulation of false information or rumors : rhea wanted to prevent redshit from existing This is a way to control information, but funnily enough in the game, we see the results or someone deliberately using manifestos spreading misinformation - risk of “increasing disparity between church branches” (fr version has “rivalry” instead of disparity) what does it mean? The central church would have more means to print books than the eastern church so the eastern church would be jealous? Or the Western Church could mass print its doctrine and have more zealots than the central or the easter church?

Ultimately, all those bans were lifted with time, Manuela performs Jeralt’s autopsy, Edel’s imperial science division managed to guess the distance between the Blue sea star and Fodlan, Oil is apparently used in several gambits, Edel’s able to send manifestos around the continent and Seteth can write children books and sell them without difficulties. Hilda can also lose books which would be a big no-no even if you are a noble if books weren’t, kind of, mass printed.

So why those bans? To protect Fodlan and the fam, but since they were lifted with time, I don’t think Rhea abandonned her goals, most likely, she thought humans were making small steps to discover those technologies, slowly learning about them so they won’t have them when they’re not “ready enough” to use them.

The “ready enough” thing sounds paternalistic or what can be expected from a more technologically advanced alien, but technically Rhea’s part alien and she lived through (or not?) an episode where humans received technology and did shit with it (mole people) so maybe she won’t hand them the car with the keys this time, and instead let them figure out how to build the car.

Still, this is HC because, as usual, the game doesn’t let us talk or question Rhea about those things, so we can only infer, read between the lines or between pixels.

****

TBH, I didn’t care a lot about her when I played, but when she had to eat babies in CF I grew more interested. Other bloggers already pointed it out, but Rhea’s a Tiki, but also a “traditional FE lord” in the sense she avenged her mom who was killed by the king of another kingdom, lived in exile and raised an army to fight against the King.

Still, Rhea didn’t end up as the leader of the world, or as the first Empress of United Fodlan, or something like that. She let Willy do his thing. Why? How? Why didn’t she became an integral part of the Empire, if she had been politically important, or a kind of seer/oracle, it would have been difficult for the Empire to go against her!

But nope, Rhea figged away in her mountains to rez her mom, sprout some “doctrine” (she could have done the same as an Emperor/Seer/Oracle) and watched over randoms who made up her “church”. She sometimes tries to intervene in Fodlan’s best interests, but it failed. Because Rhea doesn’t want to rule. She feels like she has to be a guide, but when humans don’t follow her? Well, what can she do? FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea sending her knights against the Empire when the Empire kicked out her Church and basically said “fig” to her face. FE16 doesn’t show us Rhea being angry and punching Gloucester in the face because he doesn’t show “real piety” and sprouts doctrine out of his rear.

Still, when she has to take a more hands-on approach and cannot be a distant figure/guide, she complains about maintaining a certain image as the Archbishop and how she cannot socialise with students or even walk around without Seteth randoms guarding her. She feels her mother would do a better job and tries to act as a proxy. Imo, Rhea’s bound by duty to her mom, to her sibs dead and living, and to Fodlan. She doesn’t reject her role, she accepts it, she doesn’t like it yes, but if going Gandalf in non-CF chapter 12 shows, she will fulfill it.

What’s most saddening though, is how her duty is a self-imposed one. Rez her mom? She personally took the challenge, because she misses Sothis the most and feels ashamed of this feeling to the point of not telling Seteth about it (interesting enough, Indech seems to be aware Billy’s Sothis incarnation and didn’t jump to the “Billy must be one of Nemesis’s kids with the crest of flames” conclusion, as if he knew Sothis could “incarnate” one day, but was he thinking Sothis would incarnate on her own or Rhea would trigger it? Flayn also suspects a thing about Billy being related to them because of Rhea). Rhea personally thinks she has to lead/guide Fodlan and make it a better place, ignoring the heads of the 3 states who should also be concerned with this goal. Rhea will create a false history to protect her living siblings when Macuil and Indech won’t give a fuck and live in their bestial forms somewhere, and when Seteth hides, but made it clear his only wish is to protect Flayn and the apostles, if they were really lizards, disappeared in random villages.

FE16 isn’t interested by Rhea’s story though.

That’s why I’m desperately waiting for a War of Heroes DLC or prequel of BSFE or whatever because I don’t really care about Fodlan in 1180 and who can have a perfect tea time with Billy or not.

I’d like to know why Birdie and Indech figged away, why Rhea thought letting Willy control the entire continent when he knows she’s a dragon was a good idea, why the Apostles didn’t take part in the Nemesis fight, why Fodlan’s humans decided to side with Willy in his brand new Empire instead of staying with King Nemesis, did Sothis have a previous faithful and what happened when she disappeared, were the Nabateans tyrannical rulers over humans which made some with Nemesis’n’pals, what were they supposed to do when they left Zanado, etc, etc.

So just like Julia and the baijilions AU ideas I came up with, Rhea’s a fuel for AUs because her base game dgaf about her.

#anon #replies #long reply #FE16 #Rhea stuff #the julia tier #everyone hates that tier #it's when you have something interesting but you're not supposed to care about it #fuck the uwu factor ffs #burn it to oblivion #i really really hope next FE won't have an avatar #eff billy #tfw you could have Tellius' herons but Reyson's more interested in Billy than in explaining what happened in the forest #what happened in the forest will only be explained in an infodump at the end of the game #i hate it #relics? we don't care #the equivalent of AU where Julia gets her memory is AU where Rhea is playable and gets 10 chapters #i read somewhere that bar Edel'n'Hubert CF warps every character to their worst selves #Endgame CF!Rhea doesn't care about wanting to keep peace or protecting her fam she wants her mom back she litterally screams it #banana point though #depending on your PT she might not have any family left save for Birdie and Indech #i won't say rhea did nothing wrong though #but i hope i didn't forget a thing #i like her #less than hilda of course bcs Hilda is my fave #FE4!Hilda of course #give me a WoH DLC IS or even a manga at this point i'm desperate even a Seiros alt with 5 lines #Rhea parallels the 3 lords but won't talk to them #only claude could but then Nemesis rang at their door and we wasted that convo with a billy reveal like fuck idc #like 'relics were made from my family bones but also billy's not a human' and the only reaction is 'omg billy's not a human???'

[eachlight]

i haven’t spoken much about daehyun so look out folks -- here’s some headcanons about my favorite reaper!!

keep in mind he’s based upon the reapers from goblin so!! he functions like a normal human being would except... he’s not a human being and has some supernatural abilities!

favorite food?? he’s partial to pizza and any kind of chicken-based dish!

and seaweed soup bc soojin has made it for him every year after the second time he sent her off into her next life :’ )

since they can’t possibly know his birthday, she makes it on the anniversary of her second death/meeting with daehyun bc “ twice might just be a coincidence but i don’t believe in those -- this friendship was fated!! ”

that black hat all reapers have to keep the humans from seeing them? his is a dad hat bc fancy clothes are uncomfortable and impractical for his job

also it would drive him nuts if he had a fancy hat but wore casual clothes!! gross!!

and he just prefers casual clothes overall. jackets are fun and anything other than dress shoes are comfy!

without fail, dae has cried or at the very least teared up every time he’s sent a spirit off

tbh he likes to act as if everything is such a chore, but he’s so soft and sentimental and actually feels really happy to see these souls find peace and is all broken up when they’ve died before their time

ok i’m crying bc he’s crying HE’S AN EMOTIONAL, SWEET BABY BOY

dae: idgaf B( narrator: he did, in fact, gaf

probably gets too attached to the humans in his life bc yeah, they’re eventually gonna die or he’s gonna be relocated, but he can’t help it -- he really loves people

soojin has been picking out names for daehyun since the beginning of their friendship -- daehyun isn’t the first name he’s had, and it won’t be the last

that being said, for the sake of having a backstory in case a human should ask about him, he typically claims being related to soojin and then tries to weasel his way out of having to say anything else

btw he’s really bad at lying my guys

one final thing! daehyun is very much about changing the things you can and not stressing over what you can’t change bc otherwise!! he might drive himself nuts. why is he stuck as a reaper?? well he doesn’t and can’t know, and he can’t change that he’s a reaper, but he CAN reduce his time by hunting down these lost souls, so that’s what he’s gonna do!!

#hi i love daehyun with all my wee heart so have these headcanons from my old blog!! #dude i missed thinking about him and writing him #headcanons | daehyun

[kloxbian]

Promises Painted on my Skin

Synopsis: 

Lexa felt her heart go out to her. Clarke’s face was a scattering of dark bruises, blood leaking from a split lip. Her cheeks were swollen red and her eyes, the color of a fading sky, darted around nervously, looking anywhere except Lexa’s face.

Tears pooled in Clarke’s eyes, tears that she fought to contain but a single one dripped down her cheek. Lexa brushed it away, careful to not pressure any of her bruises. “Oh, you poor, sweet girl,” she breathed. “You deserve better than this.”

-

Or the canon-divergent AU where Bellamy's an abusive bastard and Clarke is the innocent victim

WARNING: This fic contains mentions of physical and emotional abuse. If this makes you uncomfortable, don’t read.

Notes:  Okay, now, I would have done a better job with this if I didn’t finish five hours before it was posted. I wanted to lengthen it, and may eventually, but I already have many other things to write, so it won’t happen for at least a few more months, if at all.

A bit disappointing that Clexa Week is over. This is my first time joining, and I’ve really enjoyed it. I’ll definitely be back next year. A few of the things I’ve written are fics I never would’ve written otherwise. I’m very happy I finished it all.

Thanks to everyone who read my fics, as well as to @clexaweekofficial​ for hosting and sharing Clexa Week. You’re amazing.

-

 The two riders swerved between the trees, the sunlight shining brightly through the leaves illuminating the golden hair of their target. She didn’t look up at the sound of the horses, standing in place, her body shaking. One of the men scoffed. “Dison laik gada yu’s krei fir raun hashta (This is the girl you’re so worried about)?”

 “Em laik Skaikru. Heda na gaf em (She’s Skaikru. The Commander will want her).”

 She didn’t fight back as a rope was tied around her wrist. The rider scoffed, looping the other end around the horn of his saddle. “Kwelen (Weak).”

 “Emo Skaikru laik (All Skaikru are).”

 They turned to ride back to TonDC, a sky-fallen girl with shining golden hair behind them.

 -

 Lexa twirled her knife in her hands, sprawled lazily in her throne. The scouts were supposed to be reporting back any minute now and she frowned at wasting this time waiting instead of being able to go over her duties.

 To her right, Anya was leaning against the sturdy canvas of the tent. “If you keep playing with your weapons, Heda, you’re going to cut your fingers off.”

 The guards standing at the door of the tent shifted uncomfortably. No one spoke so casually to the commander, and when someone did, it was expected that they’d be cut down. But this was Anya. She did what she wanted.

 “If I do then you’ll be the one writing everything down for me.” Anya scoffed, looking at the sprawl of papers across the planning table. Anya was not very adept in her written language, and Lexa knew that well.

 A guard ducked into the tent. “Heda, the scouts have arrived. They bring a Skaikru with them.”

 That piqued her interest. “Send them in.”

 He backed out and moments later two scouts came in, throwing to the ground a young girl. “Heda, we found her wandering the territory alone. She was miles from her camp.”

 Lexa let her eyes linger on the girl, examining her. She was frail, skinnier than even a babe, bones jutting out of her bruised, worn skin. Her clothes hung off of her and her shoes were nonexistent, feet bloody and scraped from wandering the forest. Her golden hair, dirty and matted with mud, obscured her face from view. She didn’t move from where she’d been tossed.

 Lexa raised an eyebrow at the scouts. “Is she alive?”

 “She walked here on her own two feet. Didn’t try and fight or anything.”

 Lexa nodded, turning her eyes back to the body at her feet. “What’s your name, Skaigada?”

 She shifted then, rolling to sit on her legs. Her head stayed bowed and when she spoke, her voice was quiet and raspy. “Clarke.”

 “What were you doing outside of your camp alone?”

 She jerked, her body going stiff. “I wasn’t doing anything, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong, please don’t hurt me, I-”

 Anya stepped forward. “We’ll only hurt you if you don’t answer the question!” She barked. Clarke looked up sharply, hair lying in waves over her cheeks. She shrank back, curling in on herself. “Well?”

 “I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I swear!” Her voice was small and scared, pathetically weak. “I’ll do whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me, I didn’t mean to-”

 “Heda, this girl is mad,” Anya hissed, leaning in close to Lexa. “She will not tell us anything. Let me kill her and be done with it.”

 “No.” Lexa didn’t believe that. Anya called this girl - Clarke - mad, and perhaps she was, but Lexa refused to believe it. She’d heard of such cases as these, dealt with the aftermath of them, but she’d never seen anything quite like this. Clarke had no defense for herself, begged, pleaded to not be hurt, that she had been doing what she was supposed to, that he had been obedient. She acted like a dog, one that knew nothing other than obedience to its owner.

 “Onya, Gona, gyon ou.” The guards bowed and followed her command, exiting the tent without a word. Anya sent her a questioning look, one that Lexa returned with a fierce glare. Obey. Anya bowed her head and left.

 Lexa stood from her throne, stepping off the small dais. Clarke ducked her head, repeating the mantra over and over again.

 “Quiet.” Her voice was loud and commanding, stopping the young girl in her tracks. She bowed even lower, her face almost against the floor. She immediately felt guilty. Lexa crouched down in front of her. “Are you alright?” Clarke nodded, staying hunched down low. “Can you look at me?”

 She did as was asked and Lexa felt her heart go out to her. Clarke’s face was a scattering of dark bruises, blood leaking from a split lip. Her cheeks were swollen red and her eyes, the color of a fading sky, darted around nervously, looking anywhere except Lexa’s face.

 Lexa slowly undid her pauldron and jacket, realizing how her intimidating attire wasn’t helping the situation and wished she wasn’t decked out in warpaint and armor. “What happened to you, keron? Why are you colored so?”

 Clarke began to visibly shake. “I was bad. I deserved any punishment he saw fit.”

 “What did you do?”

 Clarke once again lowered her head. “I ate too much food. He said that it could have fed someone more in need of it instead of a- instead of me.”

 “Why did you take more food?”

 Clarke’s shaking got more violent and she bit her lip. “I was hungry. He only gave me a piece of what everyone else was having and when Octavia and Raven offered me more I thought- I thought it would be okay.”

 Lexa’s heart broke. She reached forward, hesitating before gently resting her hand on Clarke’s cheek, coaxing her head back up. Her entire body trembled, torn between accepting the touch or rejecting it. Clarke stood still, though, taking whatever was given.

 Tears pooled in Clarke’s eyes, tears that she fought to contain but a single one dripped down her cheek. Lexa brushed it away, careful to not pressure any of her bruises. “Oh, you poor, sweet girl,” she breathed. “You deserve better than this.”

 Clarke looked nervously at her face, opening her mouth as if to speak but thinking better of it. Lexa dropped a hand from her face, delicately taking Clarke’s own. “You can speak freely.”

 She bit her lip nervously. “What’s going to happen to me? Are you going to send me back?”

 “I will if you want to,” Lexa said, not even thinking about what her generals would say about it. “But I’d like for you to stay here. You shouldn’t have to go back to anyone who treats you like this.”

 “NO!” Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, fingers hesitantly linking with hers. “No. Please don’t send me back. I don’t want to go back.”

 “Then you won’t,” Lexa said, ducking down to look Clarke in the eye. “You’ll be safe here. I promise that whoever did this to you will never touch you again.”

 Clarke took a shaky breath in and nodded. “Thank you.”

 Lexa smiled, watching Clarke smile back, though it didn’t reach her eyes. It was nothing more than polite. Lexa vowed to kill whoever would dare do such a thing to this sweet girl.

 “I thought…I thought I was supposed to meet the commander,” Clarke croaked. “That’s what those men said.”

 “The scouts, yes.” Lexa stood, offering a hand down to Clarke. She took it, still quivering slightly. “And you have.”

 “I have…” Clarke looked at the throne behind Lexa and her eyes widened. She stumbled back, falling back down to her knees. “I’m sorry, commander, I-”

 “No no no, be quiet, sweet girl,” Lexa rushed over to her. “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you, and I’ll make sure no one else does either.”

 Clarke’s eyes held some of the same feral instinct they had earlier. “But- why?”

 “Because you don’t deserve what’s been given to you.” Lexa helped her to her feet, tracing the bruises on her face ever so lightly. “No one deserves this. To be owned. I want you to have a chance to be yourself, keron.”

 “I-” Clarke began to cry, pulling away to wipe furiously at her tears. “Thank you. I promise I’ll be good.”

 “Don’t think like that.” Lexa took her hands once more, rubbing them soothingly. “You don’t have to please anyone here. Yes, there are rules you will have to follow, people you will have to obey, but you will not be punished for being hungry nor anything so meager.”

 Clarke nodded, her stomach growling at the mere mention of food. Lexa gently released her hands. “Come, sweet girl. I will get you food enough that you won’t want to eat for days.”

 -

 Lexa knocked lightly on the poles that held up the tent she’d set Clarke up in. She heard a quiet acknowledgment from inside and ducked beneath the tarp.

 Clarke was sitting on a small wooden table that had been set up in the corner, staring at the fur-covered cot. There were heavy bags under her eyes that had only gotten worse since yesterday.

 “Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa greeted, standing a few feet away. “Did you sleep well?”

 “Fine.” Clarke’s voice was dry and cracked. Lexa frowned, stepping closer. Clarke held up a shaky hand. “I’m fine. Really. I’m just… not used to it.”

 Lexa cocked her head. “Not used to what?”

 “This.” Clarke waved her hand at the bed. “Having comfort, and having it all to myself. At the dropship, and even before that, I never had anything this good. Not anything that was mine.”

 “If you would rather a different arrangement I would be happy to find something more suitable for you.”

 “No, this is fine. It’s just different. I’ll get used to it.” Clarke looked over at Lexa for the first time since she’d stepped into the tent. “Thank you, commander. This is the most anyone’s ever done for me.”

 “Of course, sweet girl.” Clarke blushed slightly at the name, eyes flickering from Lexa’s face to the ground. “And please, call me Lexa. Just when we’re alone.”

 Clarke’s blush deepened and she nodded. Lexa smiled. “Come sit on the bed with me. It’s time we talked about what you will be doing.”

 Lexa gave her a quick overview of the Trikru and TonDC, laying out the do’s and don’t, what was considered offensive and appropriate. The rules were laid out, also quite simple, and Clarke sat in silence, listening intently. She was determined to fit into this new environment, where she was being given a chance to start over without a neglecting parent and overbearing ‘friend,’ though being with Lexa she was beginning to realize that he was not someone she should consider under that term.

 “The question I pose to you is what do you want to do?” Lexa asked. “If you want to become one of us, you will need to earn your keep. There are many ways to.”

 Clarke shrugged. “I was the healer back at the dropship, and my - my mother is a doctor.”

 “You are a fisa.” Lexa nodded. “We could get you set up with Nyko if you wish to continue pursuing that here.”

 Clarke bit her lip, chewing on it thoughtfully. “I want to, but would that be all I would do? I don’t want to be cooped up in a hospital all day, even if it is to help people.”

 Lexa rolled the word hospital over in her head a few times before she realized it meant their infirmary. “I suppose we could try and find someone willing to train you half-time. Though I warn you, it may eventually reach a point where you will be forced to choose between one or the other.”

 Clarke exhaled slowly. “What are the options?”

 “There are many. The most abundant are the gona, our warriors, defenders, guardsmen. I hope we will not have so many in the future now that all the clans are at peace but there are still many threats.”

 “Like my people?”

 “Sha, like the Skaikru. And the Maunon.” Lexa folded her hands together on her lap. “A few of the other jobs you could take around TonDC include a merchant, cook, seamstress, stonemason, and a wide array of different crafts. We’d have to teach you our language before you could find a mentor, as only the gona can speak gonasleng, but whatever you like we could find a job for.”

 Clarke tapped her fingers nervously on her thigh. “Your warriors, what exactly do they do?”

 Lexa cocked her head, pleasantly surprised to find the girl looking into a gona. “They do many things, some depending on how good of a fighter they are. We have guardsmen who take shifts standing at the gates, regulating trade and keeping watch for any potential threats. There are the personal guards like mine, who are assigned to a figure of power and it is their duty to keep that person defended. Some that are more adept with long-range weapons will help to hunt. If you were to take on the role of a gona, if there ever was a large conflict you would be called upon to fight.”

 Clarke’s face was scrunched up in thought. “This… might be a bit much to ask, but could I be taught to fight without officially becoming a warrior?”

 “That is not at all much to ask. There are many gona who only fight when called upon, and have duties as craftsmen or merchants when not required. It would be a good match if you don’t want to commit to a full-time job as a healer, and would do well to fill up your time.”

 Clarke nodded. “Then that’s what I want to do.”

 Lexa smiled. She was proud of Clarke despite only knowing her for, well, less than a day. She still had a strong spirit within her, one that, with the proper care, could rise to the surface and ignite. Lexa felt that learning how to stand up for herself physically was the perfect start for her. “Good. I have someone in mind who I think you would like.” Clarke smiled shyly at her and Lexa couldn’t help but grin back. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have another question to ask you.”

 “What is it?”

 Lexa squeezed her hands almost painfully tight. “I am only here in TonDC to deal with the Skaikru. Once a decision has been made about how to deal with them, I will be returning to the capital to rule. You don’t have to decide now, but I would ask if you’d like to accompany me to Polis and make a home there. It’s much larger, and has many more opportunities.”

 “Where is it?”

 Lexa dared to hope. “It’s about a four-day ride to the east. We would be going further from the ‘dropship,’ I believe you call it. If Skaikru were to cause trouble, you would be less likely to have to deal with it in Polis than here.”

 Clarke nodded. “Then yes. I want to go.”

 Lexa frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want more time to consider? You can decide closer to my departure.”

 “I’m sure. I want to be as far away as possible.”

 “Okay.” Lexa smiled shyly. “We’ll depart once Indra and I have agreed on how to handle the skai people. For now,” she stood from the bed, offering a hand down to Clarke. “Would you like to break your fast with me?”

 Clarke nodded, hesitantly taking Lexa’s hand. She squeezed it tight as she led her out of the tent, releasing once back out in public.

 Clarke scampered after her nervously, looking around warily. “There are so many people.”

 “There are many people in the tribes, and Trikru is the most populous.” She took in Clarke’s anxious expression. “I promise that everyone here is loyal to me. You will not be harmed.” Clarke nodded.

 Lexa took them into the pavilion, ignoring the elevated table meant for her and the other generals, sitting herself and Clarke down in a secluded corner after snagging two plates of food. “If you wish, I can have you start on your training after we eat.”

 Clarke perked up at that. “Which one?”

 “Whichever you like. It is early, so the infirmary would be slow and Nyko would have time to teach you our ways of healing. If you’d rather start the physical training, I can have your planned mentor brought in.”

 “Planned mentor?”

 “Yes. There is a certain person I have in mind who is adept at combat but is one of the kindest, most gentle souls I know. He looks a bit intimidating, but I think you will like him.” Lexa’s mind wandered. She hadn’t seen Indra’s son (she was still unsure of whether it was biological or adoptive) since her last checkup almost a year ago. It would be nice to catch up.

 Clarke shifted, looking uncomfortable with answering. “Can I do the physical training first?”

 “If that is what you want.” Lexa hated how uncomfortable Clarke seemed with making the decision herself. She wondered how long it had been since she’d been able to do so.

 She would fix this broken girl. Even at the sacrifice of her heart.

 -

 Lexa was in the middle of explaining all the different weapons to Clarke when she felt her draw in closer, her breath accelerating.

 She turned to see Lincoln entering the arena, still in his scout outfit. He dipped his head politely to her. “Heda.”

 “Hello, Lincoln. Lovely to see you again.”

 He smiled. “The pleasure’s all mine, sister.” 

 She felt Clarke press herself as close to Lexa’s side as she could without actually touching her, talking so quietly Lexa had to strain to hear. “He’s your brother?”

She smiled at that. “Brother in all but blood. Lincoln and I grew up together.” She looked back at her friend. “Lincoln, this is Clarke. She comes from the Skaikru, but I have agreed to accept her under my command.”

Lincoln frowned, switching to Trig. “Choumoda, Heda? Yeson yu don gaf emo in ste daun (Why, Commander? Yesterday you wanted them dead).”

She clucked her tongue, considering telling Lincoln of Clarke’s situation. She knew he could be trusted with it, but would Clarke want him to have it? Likely not. “Em laik noseim. En’s nou get yu daun (She is different. It’s not your concern).”

She changed back to English for Clarke’s sake. “Lincoln, I’d like to ask if you could help train Clarke in the ways of our warriors. She is inexperienced from her time with the Skaikru and wishes to learn.”

“I’d be happy to teach her.” He looked at Clarke, smiling politely. “Hello, Clarke.”

Clarke eyed him warily, muttering a quiet ‘hello.’

Lexa turned to her. “Clarke, this is Lincoln. He may be large, but he is very gentle and wouldn’t ever hurt you. If it’s okay with you, I’d like for him to be the one to train you. He is one of the few I trust.”

Clarke stared at him for a minute, wide-eyed and afraid, before mumbling a quiet “okay.”

Lexa smiled. “Wonderful. If you would like to begin now, I can stay for a bit longer to watch.”

Clarke nodded. “Yes, please.”

“Alright then. I’ll stay a bit longer.” She turned to her friend. “Lincoln?”

“I will train her whenever you require of me.” He dipped his head respectfully to her.

“I know you will.” Lexa gave Clarke one last smile before departing from the arena, leaning against the side railings to observe.

It was a process, but they’d push through it.

-

Their swords clashed with a fly of sparks.

Clarke slipped under her opponent’s sword, darting to the left and letting them stumble forward with their momentum. It only took them a second to rebalance, spinning to block Clarke’s swipe from behind.

Clarke danced back, just barely avoiding a leg aiming to knock her down. She dodged every slash and stab, keeping on the defense, never making a move. She knew that her opponent was getting frustrated.

She rolled beneath a swing at her shoulder, contorting herself to kick them in the back of the knee. It gave out and sent them to the ground.

Clarke was on her feet in an instant, driving her sword down. They twisted out of the way, lunging up and grabbing Clarke by the wrist. They began to twist and Clarke cursed aloud as she dropped her sword, lashing out with her foot and hitting them in the stomach. They lurched forward slightly before they were rising back to their feet, and Clarke looked at her sword wistfully, knowing she had no time to retrieve it. She’d have to do without.

Her opponent’s blade was coming back toward her. She smacked it away by the flat, moving closer and throwing a fist. They caught it in their free hand, a foot wrapping around her ankles and sending her flat on her back. The cold metal fell against her neck before she could move. “Set yu daun.”

Clarke put her hands above her head. “Ai giv op.”

The blade left her throat and she heard the sharp shriek of a sword being sheathed. A hand came into her vision, one which she gladly accepted. “You did well, Clarke. That’s the longest time yet.”

She preened in her mentor’s praise. “Mochof, Onya.”

“Indeed. I have no doubt you could hold your own against any esteemed warrior.” Clarke smiled widely as Lexa wandered into the arena, greeting Anya with a firm clasp and returning Clarke’s beaming smile.

Clarke smirked. “Even you?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go quite that far.” 

Clarke scoffed in mock annoyance, appreciating Lexa’s quiet laugh. At the far end of the arena, there was nobody near enough to witness their commander drop her mask in front of her mentor and companion. “Oh, don’t you get egotistical too. Anya’s already too much to handle.”

Anya grinned, pointing the end of her knife (who knows where it came from) at her. “You’re spichen right, and you’d do best to remember it.”

“Just don’t train her too well,” Lexa teased. “You might make her better than you.”

“Oh, please, I’ve learned from that mistake. You’re bad enough.” They laughed, falling into step walking side by side back toward the tower, Clarke proudly flanking her Heda’s side.

She, Lexa, and Lincoln had left TonDC to travel to Polis only a week and a half after Clarke’s arrival. The Skaikru, it was decided, were to be given clear boundaries not to cross. Guards patrolled along the river, keeping them away from the mountain and the capitol. Due to their proximity to the Mountain, there were no villages in the opposite direction and the Skaikru were forced to expand in that direction, leaving the Trikru safe for now. If they were to retaliate, the offenders would be taken prisoner and punished accordingly.

Clarke had fallen in love with Polis and its culture. Lexa, despite her many duties, took the time to teach Clarke as much as she could about the tribes, the customs and folklore, as well as their language. Trigedasleng wasn’t a hard tongue to learn, but it was harsh and took her mouth time to adjust before she could produce some of the rougher sounds.

She’d come to see Lexa as her dearest friend. Even if she was the commander, a legendary force spoken of as more goddess than human, she’d shown Clarke her other side, the side of her that had survived the burdens of leadership. Her youthful, innocent side was what a twenty-year-old should be like. She took responsibility for Clarke, not in the way Bellamy had, but in the way of a caretaker. She’d thought she loved before, but Lexa was so much more.

When Lincoln had exhausted his skills, she’d been tossed around by multiple people until Lexa convinced her to give Anya a chance. Anya was tough, but she knew what was too much, and she had also been given a very watered-down version of the blonde’s story. With knowledge of Clarke’s past, she took certain measures to make her disciple was comfortable.

She had also settled in well as a healer’s apprentice. Her foreign medical skills had proved beneficial to expanding their capabilities, though it wasn’t always easy to replicate considering they were much more underdeveloped technology-wise. She’d met many people through that apprenticeship and was very recognizable as the quiet healer; especially with how vibrant her hair was. 

The most vocal opposer to her position was, of course, Titus. But nobody really cared what he had to say.

Anya split off from them in the tower, heading off to meet with the official Trikru ambassador (Both Lexa and Indra had wanted Anya to have the position, but it would be viewed as biased by the other clans) while Lexa led Clarke to her personal quarters. She called for a meal to be brought to them and they both sat down on the couch.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, her voice serious. “A letter arrived from Indra earlier today. It’s about the Skaikru.”

Clarke stiffened. Lexa reached over to tangle their hands. “She wrote that they approached the border, asking for an audience. It was granted, and Indra met with them personally. She said they’re asking for our help to survive, but don’t have anything to offer in return. She would take them in as one of her people, but they refuse, asking to stay separate from us.” Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke’s hand. “I’m telling you this not only because they are your origin, but because Indra’s asked permission to forward them to me. And I accepted.”

Clarke was silent. Lexa squeezed her hand, worried about how she was dealing but not willing to push her. After a moment, she spoke. “Who?”

“There is an Oktevia, Reivon, Montee, Jeisper, and Belomi.” Lexa heard Clarke’s breath falter, watched her eyes widen, and pleaded to the spirits it didn’t mean what she thought it did. But it did. She knew it did. So she let go of Clarke’s hand, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and tucking her into her side.

Lexa sat there rubbing her arm for a few minutes, pressing soft kisses to her hair, before muttering, “Clarke?”

She said nothing. Lexa tried again. “Sweet girl, are you alright?”

Despite her anxiety, she felt her stomach warm at the pet name. She shook mutely against Lexa’s chest. Lexa rested a hand on her cheek, kissing her temple long and slow before resting her cheek on her head. Letting Clarke work out what she needed.

It took time, but eventually, Clarke tried to talk, only to dissolve into choked coughing. Lexa didn’t falter. “Which one?”

She had to take a couple of deep breaths to reign herself in. “The last one.”

“And the others?”

Reivon - Raven, probably - she didn’t know, but the others… “Octavia and Monty were always nice to me. They tried to help when they could, but he had the support of most of the camp. They’d back him up if anyone ever challenged him.” Her mind drifted back to her two friends, smiling slightly. If there was anything she missed from her old life, it was them. “Jasper was nice, but he was too afraid to do anything about it. He would just stand there and watch.”

Lexa scowled. “He is a coward. Just as most of them are.”

Clarke nodded, remembering back to when Jasper had been speared in the chest, the panic that ensued. “On the Ark, they’re still children.”

“Branwodas,” Lexa scoffed. “Even a yongon knows right from wrong.”

Clarke shrugged. “Some of them do.”

The affection in her voice made Lexa pause. “You mean Oktevia and Montee?”

 “A couple others, too, but yes.”

“Would you like me to arrange for them to meet you? I know you could seek them out yourself, but if you’d rather not risk the others…”

Clarke smiled. “I think I’d like that.”

“Then I will make it happen.” She leaned down, nuzzling her cheek. “I will be there if you need anything, and there is no one in Polis who would let anything happen to you. You will be safe.”

Clarke nodded, turning to bury her face in Lexa’s arm. She smiled softly, stroking her hair. “Thank you,” she mumbled into her skin.

“Anything for you, sweet girl.”

-

The day the Skaikru arrived, Clarke didn’t leave her room.

Lexa visited her the following morning. Clarke was curled up in the armchair, her sketchpad resting on her legs. She wasn’t drawing, only staring at a blank white page.

Lexa leaned down behind her, kissing her cheek. “You cannot stay here all day.”

Clarke’s voice was quiet, broken. “What if he tries to take me back?”

“He could never.” Lexa wrapped an arm around her chest. “You are so much stronger than you were. Should he try, you could shame him enough that he’d never want to see you again. You are strong.”

She could see that Clarke was still hesitant. “If it makes you feel better, I can ask Anya or Ryder to accompany you around the city.”

She bit her lip. “Please?”

“Of course.” She stood up. “Come to breakfast with me. The Skaikru won’t be there.”

Clarke nodded, tilting her head back. Lexa leaned down to kiss her on the lips, leaving it at a quick press. She heard her groan as Lexa moved over to the door, laughing. “Come enjoy breakfast and I’ll give you more.”

Clarke set her items down on the chair, not bothering to put them away properly. Lexa grinned widely at her, sharing one last short kiss before she slipped into commander mode, all emotion falling from her face. With her kohl on (all for the intent to scare the Skaikru) she was a terrifying figure, but Clarke could see through it all. Beneath all the armor and strength was her loving niron who’d taken her in without anything in it for herself, saving Clarke from a life of servitude.

But no one could know that.

-

Clarke had been training with Anya for the past hour, all of her worries forgotten. She was taking a quick break now, gladly accepting a pouch of water from one of the guards. She downed half of it, pouring some on her hands and rubbing her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw three familiar figures standing at the railing.

A grin threatened to split her face. Octavia, Monty, Jasper, and another girl leaned against the fence watching her. With Clarke’s attention, Octavia waved. “Hey!”

She strode over to them, forgetting to bring her sword. She and Octavia shared a hug, Monty more hesitant to show her any affection after knowing what Bellamy had done. When she opened her arms to him, he sighed in relief, happily accepting it. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “Did they capture you?”

Shit. She’d forgotten about how much the grounders were hated within the Skaikru. “No, not at all. I ran from camp, and they brought me to their town. The commander was there, and she made sure I was comfortable.”

“The commander?” The unknown brunette said, hands twitching idly. “The scary lady can be nice?”

Clarke was tempted to tell her about their relationship but knew better. Even if it would get a hilarious reaction out of them. “I don’t know how, but she was able to tell that I came from a… less than ideal situation. She took me in, offered to bring me to Polis, and I’ve made a life here. It’s amazing. They aren’t anything like we thought they were.”

“Really?” Jasper said. “Did they apologize for spearing me in the chest?”

“They didn’t know who we were,” Clarke said. “We were unknown intruders in their land. You can’t blame them for that.”

“Then who should I blame? Myself?”

“Clarke!” 

She glanced over her shoulder to see Anya in the middle of the pit, waiting impassively for her. She turned back to smile at her friends. “Sorry. I’ll talk to you more later, I promise.”

She ignored their questions and darted back over to grab her sword, standing across from Anya. Her fos unsheathed her sword, nodding over to the fence. “You ready to show off to your friends?”

She smirked. “Hell yes.”

Anya began to advance. Clarke positioned her sword defensively in front of her, body tensed, ready to move however she needed. The first attack came right at her neck, a reckless and normally outright stupid move, but this was Anya. Her other hand knocked Clarke’s sword away, leg coming up to kick her in the stomach. She grunted, stumbling back. She charged once she’d regained her senses, meeting Anya in the middle.

The loud clang of their swords reverberated throughout the pits, telling of the immense force put in by both sides. Clarke dodged a swipe at her legs, aiming a stab at Anya’s shoulder while using her free arm to grab at her opponent’s wrist. She twisted out of the way, recovering too quickly for Clarke to take advantage of her pause.

They fought for some time, Clarke gaining small cuts on her arms, her torso, her legs, even a tiny nick just below her ear. Aware of their audience, Anya went for the most impressive disarming maneuver she knew. Hooking an arm around Clarke’s hip, she used the momentum to swing her over her shoulder and slam her into the ground. Anya’s sword fell against her throat.

“Yu win au. Bilaik otaim (You win. Like always).” 

Anya smirked, helping Clarke to her feet. “That is why I am teaching you. Because you aren’t as good as me.”

“Uh-huh. Show off.”

“Oh, I couldn’t help it.” Anya looked over at the fence. “You should have seen their faces.”

Clarke looked over and grinned at the awestruck expressions they wore. With Anya’s permission, she went over to them.

Octavia reached for her, pausing last second before dropping her hands to her sides. “Oh my god! That was amazing!”

Clarke blushed. “Thanks.”

“Thanks? That’s all you have to say? You just blew my fucking mind! Do you think you could teach me to do that?”

“Woah, O, slow down,” the brunette said. “Let her breathe.” She held a hand out to her. “Hey. I’m Raven. I’ve heard a lot about you from these bitches.”

“She says like she isn’t the bitchiest of us all,”  Jasper said. They all laughed.

“They’re right, Clarke.” She felt a bolt of electricity go through her, stiffening all her muscles and freezing her in place. “That was impressive.”

She ground her teeth together, trying to reel in her disorganized mind. The four at the fence had quieted, heads watching him, but Clarke refused to look at him. She was afraid of what she would do.

“Look at me, Clarke.” Her first instinct was to obey. She fought against it as much as she could, struggling against her fear. “I said look at me.”

“She doesn’t answer to you, Skai boy.” She breathed a sigh of relief. Anya hovered beside her shoulder, resting a comforting hand on Clarke’s back. With her fos by her side, she risked a look.

Bellamy didn’t look any different than when she’d left him, maybe a bit more ragged. He was still the entitled, arrogant boy he’d been before, but Clarke felt her head pulse. He doesn’t own you, she thought, repeating it over and over in her head like a mantra. He doesn’t own you.

Bellamy scowled. “And who are you?”

“That’s none of your concern, and neither is my sekon.” Anya’s hand tightened on her shoulder. “We should get back to the tower, Clarke.”

“No.” She wanted to scream in frustration. Why couldn’t he just let her go? “You can’t make her go.”

“And you can’t make her stay.”

Bellamy snarled. “Just back off! Clarke, come here.”

Anya was about to retort, but Clarke raised a hand, looking Bellamy straight in the eye, blocking out her instinct. “No.”

He was taken aback. “No? You don’t tell me no, Clarke. Come here.”

Her hand went to her sword before changing her mind, instead drawing a dagger from her coat. “Make me.”

Bellamy growled, striding toward her. She knew the tactic, he’d used it on her many times before. Intimidation. Make her think he was going to do something worse than he would. She wouldn’t fall for it again. Drawing back her arm, she aimed her dagger at his throat. He paused, but continued, walking until he was only a few feet from the fence.

With a quick look at Anya, she threw the knife.

Clarke wasn’t a killer, no matter how much Bellamy deserved it. The knife struck his arm, far enough to not cause any major damage, but he went down howling. Ignoring the startled looks from everyone around, she turned and marched out of the pits. With a last scalding look, Anya followed.

Anya left the elevator a couple of floors beneath Clarke while she carried on to one of the very top floors. Pushing through the doors, she fell back against them as soon as they fell closed, clutching her chest. She’d done it. She’d resisted her captor, she’d finally escaped his hold. Before, she’d known that Bellamy still held a part of her, that she still feared his influence, but now that she’d stood up to him, she finally felt… free.

“Clarke?” She perked up, a wide grin spreading on to her face. Lexa stood in the doorway between her solar and bedchambers, looking curiously at her niron. “Did something happen?”

Her heart swelled, looking upon her lover, her savior, perhaps the most important person in her life. Her smile threatened to split her face in half. “I did it, Lex,” she breathed. “I- he tried. He tried, but I did it. I’m free.”

Lexa matched her beam, rushing toward her. They met in the middle, Lexa sweeping her up into her arms and lifting her off the ground. Clarke laughed as kisses were peppered all over her face. “I’m so proud of you, keron,” Lexa said, kissing her passionately. “You’re incredible.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, leaning forward to kiss her softly. “Without you, I’d still be with him.”

Lexa squeezed her tight. “I’m glad you aren’t. I’m so glad you aren’t. You don’t deserve that life. You never did.”

“And now I have a better one.” They shared bright smiles, kissing messily. Clarke leaned into her. This life was something she’d never expected to get.

Lexa’s hands pet her face, stroking her cheeks and making her groan into the kiss.

Yes; she could ask for nothing more.

#clexaweek2020 #clexaweek2020 day 7 #day 7 free day #free day #clexa fanfic #clexa deserved better #emotional abuse #physical abuse #recovery #poor clarke #lexa's a sweetheart #bellamy's a sadistic asshole

[thebluelemontree]

So Sandor doesn't care about kings and mighty lords and stuff like that, but is possible that there's some kind of begrudging respect in him for Sansa's powerful family? Ned, Young Wolf, Blackfish and Jon, too (hopefully, they'll meet in the future) - all those guys are awesome and I'd like to think that Sandor agrees with that.

Hey sorry it took so long to get back to you.  I’ve been a bit overwhelmed and it took more time than I thought.  

Respect?  Errrrr, don’t hate me, but… no, not yet if we’re talking about what’s published so far, but we have reason to hope in the future.  The major block to recognizing traits worth respecting in individuals, let alone a whole family, is that deeply ingrained cynicism dancing up to the edge of nihilism.  The world is shit, the system is shit, and people are divided into either butchers or meat.  Most of the time he sounds like a smug, know-it-all teenager that stands on the sidelines pointing out everything that confirms his bias.  Yes, he has some buried idealism wayyyyyyyyy down in there, but it’s not as if they were equally-matched forces duking it out inside him for every word and deed.  It’s a worldview that has served him by making him feel strong and invulnerable.  There’s just no good reason at the start to dredge up those dreams of childhood, which he associates with vulnerability and helplessness.  It’s a security blanket.  Think of how hard it is to change someone’s mind about politics or religion.  The only way that usually happens is if someone has a lived experience that challenges their current beliefs.  Even then it can be a long process of wrestling with the new idea while it competes for brain real estate with the old idea.        

For him to even entertain the idea that someone could actually walk the walk of a real hero, a true knight, or lady, he needs to see what they’re made of with his own eyes.  His goal post is so far down the field, he actually makes it near impossible for anyone to live up to, which only confirms his bias.  Robb and Ned are definitely not the ones who make a dent in that.  Maybe he’ll reflect back on them in future books with fairer assessments, but not in the books so far.  He’s not impressed with a righteous cause or reputation anymore than wealth or titles.  

 Specifics under the cut.  

The WF training yard is his first interaction with Robb.  Not that Sandor respects Joffrey’s boasting and jackass calls for live steel, but he’s not impressed by Robb’s “courage” with this nerf bat training in an adult supervised safe zone either.  He even takes a swing himself, just because Robb is so very easily goaded.

The burned man looked at Robb. “How old are you, boy?”

“Fourteen,” Robb said.  

“I killed a man at twelve. You can be sure it was not with a blunt sword.”

Arya could see Robb bristle. His pride was wounded. He turned on Ser Rodrik. “Let me do it. I can beat him.”   

At this point, Sandor probably thinks Robb and the Starks are just more of the same self-congratulatory nobility that he’s used to.  Maybe not as dysfunctional and ruthless as the Lannisters, but still part of the same system.  Like Sansa, he probably thought Ned was a bit of a naive fool that got in way over his head. He believes what passes for honor and righteousness are just fancy clothes people dress themselves in or it’s a fool’s tin armor.  It would be inevitable that the latter would get themselves eaten alive.  Only people like him that have The Truth™️ figured out survive.  It takes Sansa’s lived example right in front of his face to take a chip out of those ideas.    

She has it in her to be a real deal true lady, despite his first impression that she’s just empty-headed and superficial.  After Ned’s execution and Sansa is forced to look at her father’s tarred head, she’s determined to look without seeing.  She shows enormous strength of will to not give Joffrey one iota of the reaction he desires.  When he taunts her some more, she bites back:  “Maybe my brother will give me your head.”  I won’t glamorize her murder-suicide thoughts, but I think witnessing this scene shows Sandor that innocence, compassion, and vulnerability can go hand in hand with real strength and courage.  Just because awful people hurt her does not mean she is weak.  It just might move that goal post a tiny bit closer in that even a sometimes superficial, imperfect, childish young girl can still conduct herself in such a way.  It’s still a long way from reconciling what he’s just seen with near a whole lifetime of cynicism.  It’s a start though!      

When he smiled, she knew he was mocking her. “Your brother is a traitor too, you know.” He turned Septa Mordane’s head back around. “I remember your brother from Winterfell. My dog called him the lord of the wooden sword. Didn’t you, dog?”

“Did I?” the Hound replied. “I don’t recall.”

Sandor probably did say that back in early AGOT when he didn’t gaf and would crack jokes like that to amuse himself as much as Joffrey; however, it seems as though he’s regretting and distancing himself from that bit of immature ridicule for her sake, not so much Robb’s.  But let’s be real.  He’s not always respectful toward Sansa from this point forward, but he’s staying in the conversation.  He’s still fighting the ideas she’s challenging him with.  It’s only by his actions, not words, that we see him starting to test those waters by making different choices.  He wants to be proven wrong deep down, but he’s going kicking and screaming the whole way.  

The other Stark he’s spent a significant amount of time with is Arya.

“I’m not a boy! But Mycah was. He was a butcher’s boy and you killed him. Jory said you cut him near in half, and he never even had a sword.” She could feel them looking at her now, the women and the children and the men who called themselves the knights of the hollow hill. “Who’s this now?” someone asked.

The Hound answered. “Seven hells. The little sister. The brat who tossed Joff’s pretty sword in the river.” He gave a bark of laughter. “Don’t you know you’re dead?”

“No, you’re dead,” she threw back at him.

Against all odds, Arya is alive.  The little girl that bested Joffrey with a “wooden sword” no less and made a mockery “Lion’s Tooth,” a tale that probably amused him as much as it did Renly.  He’s not meaning “brat” in a truly insulting way here, but that he’s genuinely surprised she’s survived this long and that she must really be tough as nails.  The Wolf Bitch nickname he gives her follows that same line.   And he seems to appreciate it when she’s bluntly honest.  I think he does respect aspects of Arya because he can certainly relate to being an angry, scrappy kid.  This is up to a point, because he’s very annoyed that she is relentless in reminding him about his accountability in Mycah’s death.  Through their journey, he is mostly focused on how helping her serves his needs.          

If this Young Wolf has the wits the gods gave a toad, he’ll make me a lordling and beg me to enter his service. He needs me, though he may not know it yet. Maybe I’ll even kill Gregor for him, he’d like that.“

“He’ll never take you,” she spat back. “Not you.”

“Then I’ll take as much gold as I can carry, laugh in his face, and ride off. If he doesn’t take me, he’d be wise to kill me, but he won’t. Too much his father’s son, from what I hear. Fine with me. Either way I win. And so do you, she-wolf.

Eh, I’m not seeing respect for Robb or Ned here, grudging or otherwise.  Sandor is still not getting it yet, though his intentions are to find a way to get back to KL and rescue Sansa.  All this wishful thinking aside, he wants to look like a big hero, but do so by cynically playing on Robb’s sense of honor as a wedge in the door.  He wants it both ways.  To be a true knight in Sansa’s eyes, while keeping his security blanket right where it is.  

It’s really at his death scene where Sandor confesses to the point of overly taking responsibility and feeling remorse for even the things he didn’t do, that he really connects with his best self.  No more bullshit.  He’s thoroughly stripped down and vulnerable and finally open to someone like the Elder Brother coming along.  If we’re judging by the gravedigger’s humility and quiet, humble service, Sandor has learned quite a bit about respect for others.  Respect for people he would have one considered weak for their pious, peaceful life.  Stranger’s refusal to be turned into a plow horse or be gelded means he’s not meant to remain there nor will he abandon all of his personality.  He will return to the story, but I think directing his anger and biting criticism to individuals that truly deserve it.              

So I do have a lot of hope for the future though, because he does seem like a displaced Northerner and that can’t be for nothing.  I would be neat if he gets to meet some remaining members of Sansa’s family and hopefully they won’t try to kill him on sight.  There’s still the Saltpans matter to clear up.  I lean toward that Sandor will actually become part of this family one day, so I think at that point there’d be some honest to goodness mutual respect, not just grudging.  :)      

#Anonymous #sandor clegane #respect #twow spec #sandor clegane meta #sorry it took so long #I'm getting caught up now