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justagalwhowrites · 2 months

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Yearling - Ch. 33: Discovery

You, Joel and Tommy go on patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-32 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Torture. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 9.8k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

February, 2028

“Bambi, tell your husband to stop being a wuss.”

“Wuss?” Joel shifted to look around you to his little brother. “Who you callin’ a wuss?”

“Think I’ll call my brother-in-law a dumbass instead,” you smirked over toward Tommy. “Seems more accurate.”

“You tellin’ me we shouldn’t be following that path there?” Tommy nodded toward a worn spot in the snow on the other side of the river where the three of you had stopped, sitting astride your horses. “The one that looks like it could’ve been made by a dozen fuckin’ men?”

“Who knows how old that is,” Joel said. “Been weeks since it snowed. And water’s lookin’ high. Would be real easy to end up cold and wet for no damn reason…”

“Seem awful scared of winding up cold and wet for someone who’s not a wuss,” Tommy teased.

“I don’t want my wife,” Joel stressed the word and you smiled a little, tucking your chin into your chest to hide it. “Being cold and wet and getting sick because you’ve got some harebrained idea that we need to run down some track that’s long dead.”

“Bambi, c’mon,” Tommy said. “You know I’m right, you know the horses can handle it and you know Joel’s just bein’ paranoid because you’re here.”

Joel wasn’t about to tell Tommy that he was right. At least, not while he was out on his first patrol since the incident in November. It would just worry you, might make you drag him back to Jackson before patrol was done. But Tommy was right. Joel had been nervous all day, worrying about seeing you hurt. Worrying that, whoever had been after him would hurt you, too. That wasn’t something he could abide at any time but now that you were his wife, it was more vital. It felt different somehow.

A lot of things did.

Not that there had been much tangible change since the two of you had said your vows that night in Joel’s bed. Since the attack, you hadn’t slept at your own house even once, you were already living together in every way that mattered. Ellie and Savvy had become like sisters in the few months that Savvy had been in Jackson, you like a mother to his daughter and him like a father to yours. And Joel had always been driven to protect you, from the first moment he saw you he knew he would do damn near anything to keep you safe. But the sense of peace and permanence he had calling you his wife made life alongside you another thing entirely. Protecting and caring for you was all the more necessary now.

The girls had taken the news well, all things considered. Joel hadn’t really been worried about Ellie’s reaction, of course. You were the closest thing she had to a mother and lord knew the girl had been working overtime trying to shove you and Joel back together after you’d left.

But he could tell you’d been worried about telling Savvy.

“That ring fittin’ OK?” He asked as he brought you a cup of coffee in bed just as the sun started to rise on Christmas morning.

“Hm?” You looked up at him from your spot nestled into the pillows, chest bare and blankets over your lap like they had been the night before as the two of you made promises to each other. The hand that was twisting your ring around and around on your finger stilled.

“You’re fidgetin’ something fierce there, Mrs. Miller,” he smiled a little and handed you the cup of coffee. “Wanted to know if that ring was fittin’ OK or if you were just getting cold feet on me.”

“It fits great,” you smiled a little over the coffee cup, taking a sip. “And no, no cold feet.”

“Alright,” he said, sitting in bed beside you in nothing but his pajama pants. His fingers trailed up the bare skin of your arm. “Then I think you should tell me what’s on that pretty mind of yours.”

“You’re gonna get us in trouble, touching me like that,” you said, taking another sip of coffee. “Girls will be here soon…”

“Oh I can be quick,” he teased. “But I’d rather not rush our wedding… well, morning…”

You rolled your eyes but laced your fingers with his, brushing his ring as you did.

“Talk to me,” he said, turning serious. “Don’t want to start this off with secrets.”

“It’s not a secret,” you sighed, looking at his hand for a moment longer before looking him in the eye. “But… I don’t want to hurt Savvy. I want this with you more than almost anything else. The only thing I want more is for her to be OK. I just don’t know how to tell her.”

Joel nodded slowly, watching you.

“Want to do it together?” He asked gently. You raised your eyebrows. “I don’t want to get in the way of anything but I don’t want you thinkin’ you’re in this alone because you’re not. That’s the whole point.”

You laughed once and then sighed.

“It might help,” you said after a moment. “I think she likes you more than she likes me.”

“Don’t think that’s true,” he said. “She’s just… dealing with some complicated things. And there ain’t a real guidebook for regular parenting, let alone how you raise a kid after the world ends. She loves you. She really does.”

“Should we tell the girls together then?” You asked, looking uncertain.

“I think, if you’re OK with that?” Joel shrugged. “Yeah. I’d like to do that with you.”

You smiled a little and the two of you adjusted in bed so that you were in his arms, your skin soft against his. You finished your coffee and got dressed just before the clatter of teenaged girls took over the house not long after.

Joel kept you tucked against his side as the two of you watched the girls open their gifts, his lips brushing your temple and giving you a squeeze when he could sense you getting tense. He gathered the two of them that afternoon as the four of you got ready to head to Tommy and Maria’s for dinner, your hands stuffed into the back pockets of your jeans as you paced the kitchen until Ellie and Savvy were there and you joined him at his side.

“What’s up?” Ellie frowned, looking between the two of you.

“Well,” Joel said gently. “We were hopin’ to talk to you girls about something…”

“Oh God,” Ellie groaned. “Please tell me no one’s doing anything stupid…”

“Nothin’ stupid,” Joel smiled a little, slipping an arm through yours to curve around your back and tug you close to his side. You looked up at him for a moment but he didn’t need to look back to know that you were on the verge of panic. He could feel it, your whole body was tense, your breaths short and shallow. “Something real good, actually. We wanted the two of you to know before anyone else but… well, we decided to get married.”

“Oh shit!” Ellie’s eyes went wide for a minute. “Congrats! It’s about damn time, honestly.”

Savvy, however, was silent. She looked between the two of you, her brows drawn together, a small frown on her face before she stalked out of the room.

You pulled away from Joel immediately and he went to follow you but you put up a hand and shook your head before chasing her down.

“Shit,” Ellie, said quietly, staring out the back door that you and Savvy had just left through. Joel clenched his jaw for a moment, resisting the urge to go find you no matter how badly he might want to.

“Still a sore subject for her, huh?” Joel asked Ellie after a moment.

She sighed.

“I really wish Bambi would give her some idea of what happened,” she said. “Because she really seems to think that she had some kind of easy fucking time… She asked me a little bit about it after you both got back last month. I guess she overheard the doctors talking but I didn’t know what to fucking say. I don’t think she’s actually pissed about the two of you. I think she’s pissed at the idea that she was on her own while her mom was having some happy life here.”

Joel sighed for a moment before giving in and following you out the back door. You were standing in the snow, halfway back to Ellie’s place, your back to him as you focused on Savvy.

“Don’t let me get in the way of whatever dream life you’re tryin’ to have here,” her tone was sharp. “Didn’t let me hold you back before…”

“That’s not what this is,” you said, calm and steady. But Joel could hear the pain on your voice. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me and…”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing that!”

Savvy noticed him then, narrowing glaring at him for a moment. You looked back over your shoulder to him, your eyes large and round and watery. He came up behind you, a hand going to the small of your back as he pressed himself against your shoulder.

“Baby girl,” Joel said gently. “I know this is something that’s big…”

“No shit,” she snapped in a way that was so Ellie that Joel considered talking to the older girl about how she spoke around the younger one.

“But,” he continued. “You and Ellie are our number one priority. Always have been…”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, looking into the distance instead of at either one of you.

“Us getting married is just about me and Joel,” you said, pressing yourself back into him. “It doesn’t mean we’re choosing each other over you, it doesn’t mean we love you any less. It just means we wanted to make that commitment to each other, that’s all.”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at you.

“So what does this mean, then?” She asked. “What’s going to change?”

You looked up at Joel for a moment before looking back to her.

“Not a lot, really,” you said. “We haven’t really talked about where we’re going to live but that’s not too different from how things have been the past few weeks. No one here uses my real name, anyway, and you have your father’s last name, not mine, so even if I did decide to take Joel’s name, it wouldn’t change anything for you.”

She nodded slowly, considering. Joel marveled, for a moment, at how your daughter held her face just like you when she was thinking, the same purse to her lips, the same scrunch of her brow. You’d passed on so much to her even if you didn’t give her your blood.

“Think you can be OK with this?” You asked gently after a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you, honey. I love you more than anything, I don’t want you to be unhappy, especially not because of me.”

“I don’t want you to be unhappy, either,” Savvy said quietly. “I just… I still don’t really get this place. I’m making friends, I’m going to school but… it’s all so different. I still don’t know how I feel about any of it.”

“I know,” you said quietly, reaching out and cupping your daughter’s cheek. Joel held his breath for half a moment, until he realized that she wasn’t going to pull away from your touch. “And I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner or get you here when you were smaller and it would have been easier.”

“I don’t want to be angry,” she said, her voice thick and wet. “I’m so tired, Mom.”

“I know,” you said again, pulling her into you and holding her to your chest. She was stiff for a moment before relaxing into you, her arms going around your waist. “I know, baby.”

It got easier after that. At least on the surface. Savvy was still distant but she didn’t seem to be as antagonistic as she had been before. You moved into Joel’s house - though you traded the sound system at your house for Joel’s - and you set up one of the bedrooms upstairs for Savvy, even though she was still living at Ellie’s.

“At some point, Ellie is going to need her space,” you said, moving the twin sized bed for the fourth time, the wood groaning across the floor as you shoved it into a new place. “She’s a grown woman now…”

“Rather not think about that,” Joel grumbled, even though he’d been trying to find a way to talk to Ellie about her friendship with Jesse in particular. They seemed… close. And who knew what she’d been taught in that damn FEDRA school.

“Think about it or not,” you said, standing back, hands on your hips as you looked at your handiwork. “It’s comin’ for you. She’s going to want to actually live an adult life and that means adult space. Would rather her not feel like she needs to move out of the backyard right away to have that. So… Savvy can just come here.”

Joel thought it was a bit optimistic to think that Savvy would be willing to come here, but he couldn’t bring himself to say that. You were finally showing signs of hope about your relationship with your daughter. You’d been suffering with her so far away. You had done a good job of hiding it - he doubted anyone but him had noticed - but you couldn’t keep going like that, not forever. He didn’t want to ruin it, not now.

Your hopeful nature around Savvy was just another way the world seemed to be changing. The patrols outside Jackson were reporting more and more signs of people and, with them would come more infected. Patrols were starting to pick up and Joel felt the push to make himself useful again with more urgency than ever.

While Jackson was filled with incredibly skillful riders and hunters, Joel knew he was one of the best. Many of the folk here had lived a life that didn’t involve much struggle - at least, relatively speaking - after the outbreak. He’d survived with blood and he was more than willing to shed some more to protect his home and his family. Sitting on the sidelines, lame and useless, didn’t suit him.

He’d learned to avoid the gates and the stables when patrols were coming and going, not wanting to look at the men and women who got to go out and actually make themselves useful with envy that was rooted in the self loathing that had started to bloom inside of him.

He started going to talk to the doctors at least once a week, seeing if he’d made enough progress to start going outside the walls of the city again. It was slow going. Getting approved for sex and lighter work around town was one thing. Getting the OK to go outside and hunt down raiders was - apparently - another matter entirely. But, eventually, he got a hesitant OK from both doctors.

Joel got them to put it in writing - feeling only a little bit like a school boy taking a report card home to his mother - and headed straight for the stable to show you. You were working with a horse, one that had been foaled in Jackson right around the time he’d first found you in the snow. It was old enough now that you could work with it, accustomed enough to people that you’d told him you thought you’d be able to get the horse to broke fast. He stood and watched you for a bit, you standing beside her and getting her used to someone putting pressure on her body to guide her, talking to her in that gentle voice you used when working with animals.

“You gonna just stand there and watch, cowboy?” You asked after a few minutes, not looking over your shoulder to him but Joel knew you were smiling all the same. “Or is there something I can do for you?”

“Man need a reason to come look at his wife?” He asked. You twisted look at him at that and he was right, you were smiling. “I don’t think he does. Not when she’s as pretty as you, anyway.”

“Uh huh,” you looked back to the horse, giving her a treat of some kind. “Feel like you’re tryin’ to butter me up over there.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Or maybe I just needed to look at ya for a minute.”

“Gimme five minutes,” you said, throwing a mischievous look over your shoulder. “Then maybe you can do more than look.”

Joel laughed a little and watched you finish up with the horse before you led her inside and put her in her stall, him trailing behind you. In all honesty, he was happy to watch you work. You were so good with them, you cared so deeply. It was enthralling in the best possible way, just the physical manifestation of one of the infinite reasons he loved you.

You latched the stable door when you were done with the horse and stood close to Joel, taking his shirt by the fistful and pulling him against you so you could kiss him. He was happy to let you, one of his hands finding your face to hold you in just the right spot so he could dip his tongue into your mouth while you moaned against his lips.

“Before this goes too far,” he said after pulling back from you. “Should talk about something…”

“Should we?” You asked, tugging him against you for another kiss.

“Mhmm,” he hummed against your mouth. You released him and stepped back a little, frowning. He smiled a little. “S’nothing bad, don’t gotta look so worried about it.”

“Alright,” you said, a hint of challenge in your voice. “Then what is it?”

“Well,” he said, holding your gaze and trying to shake the feeling that he’d done something he shouldn’t have. “Talked to the doctors…”

Your eyes narrowed.

“And they’ve OKed me to go out on patrol again…”

“GodDAMMIT Joel!” You stomped away from him, back to him, arms crossed. He gave you a moment to seethe, his hands in his pockets, thumbs drumming a stuttering rhythm on the denim. After a few deathly quiet seconds, you turned back. “Really? You really want to go get yourself fuckin’ killed…”

“Sweetheart…”

“Are we just not enough for you?” You demanded, stalking up to him, arms still crossed tightly in front of you. “Me, Ellie, Savvy. Are we not enough? Do you need to go get some kind of goddamn adrenaline rush, is that it?”

He resisted the urge to fight you on it. Your eyes were watery and wide and pleading.

“You know that’s not what it is, baby,” he whispered. A single tear slipped down your cheek and he reached out to gently take your face in his hand, catching it on his thumb. “You’re more than enough, you’re more than I deserve. And you know I don’t want to hurt you…”

“Don’t make this about me,” you snapped. He ignored that, too.

“But we need people who can keep Jackson safe,” he said. “For you, for our girls. I can do that. You know I can…”

“You can’t if you get yourself fuckin’ killed!” You took a deep breath and centered yourself for a moment. “You’re still limping…”

“I know,” he nodded slowly. “But they think I’ll probably limp at least a little for the rest of my life. S’OK. I can ride just fine, won’t hurt me bein’ able to fight…”

“Bullshit.”

“It’ll be OK,” he said gently. “And I’m willin’ to go out with you or Tommy….”

“And,” you cut him off.

Joel frowned.

“And?”

“Me and Tommy,” you replied. “Deal’s changed. You’re limping, you can’t go out with just one of us, it has to be both.”

He sighed.

“Bambi…”

“You want me on board?” You asked. “That’s the deal.”

He sighed again.

“We can talk with Maria,” he said. “See if we have the space for it.”

“Alright,” you said “Because I’m not going to just sit here and watch you get yourself hurt or killed. That’s not what I signed up for.”

“Not what I’m asking you to do,” he said gently. “I don’t want to not come home to you, baby. But I need to make sure I’m doin’ my part to keep Jackson safe.”

It had taken a few weeks for things to line up right with patrols and Joel could feel how tense you were leading up to the day the three of you were heading out. You’d clung to him especially hard the night before. Ellie and Savvy had joined the two of you for dinner and then to play cards and you’d held it together pretty well until they left. But the second they were gone it was like a switch flipped. You pressed yourself against his side, your arms wrapped around his bicep, your head tight against his shoulder.

“You alright?” He frowned.

“Fine,” you said, voice tight.

When he took you to bed, you rode him aching and slow until you came and collapsed on top of him, Joel only lasting a few more deep thrusts into your tight heat before coming undone himself. He held you there, your head against his chest as his hand trailed a slow and easy path up and down your spine. He was still inside you when he felt your tears on his chest.

“Baby,” he said softly.

“Don’t make me come back alone,” you said, lifting your head from his chest enough to look at him, the rest of you still tight against his body. “Please, Joel. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

“Not losing me,” he held your face in his hands. “Promise.”

“You’ll always come back for me?” You whispered.

“Always,” he said softly. “I promise. As long as you promise to always be there to come back to.”

“Promise,” you said quietly.

He’d been worried about how the patrol was going to go after that, but you, him and Tommy had fallen back into your usual patterns easily once you were outside Jackson and you let yourselves relax into them a bit.

It had been an easy patrol until the three of you stopped to give the horses a chance to take a drink and saw the tracks across the river. And Joel couldn’t seem to shake the clutch of fear that gripped him at the thought of putting you in harm’s way by following the trail.

“Tommy, I swear to God, you ever hold this against me…” you began, but he cut you off.

“You’ll shoot me?” Tommy teased.

“Trample you with a horse,” you replied. “But… yeah. You’re right. We should check that trail.”

Joel gave you a look and you just looked back, your brows raised. He sighed.

“Alright,” he said. “Tommy, you take the lead since this is your damn scheme.”

“C’mon lovebirds,” he said, starting across the water. “Sooner we follow this path, sooner we can get back to town and the sooner you two can go back to leavin’ me out of whatever it is you two do.”

Joel was about to give Tommy shit but you beat him to it, lobbing a snowball at him and hitting him straight in the face. Joel barked a laugh as you tried to stifle yours, your arms crossed demurely over your saddle horn.

“Nice,” Tommy said as the snow slid off his face. “Real nice.”

“Well, say stupid shit, win stupid prizes,” you shrugged, smirking a little.

“Not cool, Bambi,” he said, wiping his face clean. “Not cool.”

“You’re right,” you replied, smirk growing. ��Think it’s technically cold…”

Tommy leaned around you to look at Joel.

“You’ve had too much influence on your wife,” he said. “I remember when she was a nice girl…”

“Bullshit,” you said.

“Wouldn’t even look at someone mean…”

“Tommy, she’d have always kicked your ass whenever you did somethin’ dumb enough to ask for it,” Joel smiled, a little proud. “Now let’s move before you give ‘er another reason.”

Tommy wiped the last of the snow from his skin with a good natured shake of his head and started off. You called Gatling back into her spot on your saddle as Joel nodded for you to be in between the two of them so he could bring up the rear. At least this way, Joel or Tommy would get hit before you would.

The three of you followed the tracks for a few hours, until things shifted. You noticed it first, that the footprints in the snow looked more well traveled, like people were coming and going from this point in the forest more often than all the way to the water.

“There,” you said quietly, nodding to the brush off the trail. Joel looked where you indicated, a baited trap primed and ready.

“That ain’t been there long,” Tommy said. Joel came up alongside you, closer than he’d normally try to be when on horseback. But it kept the rising fear in him calmer, more contained. He looked around at the ground, the snow so worn down it was hard to have even a remote idea of how many people had been through here recently. Gatling gave a low, rumbling growl and you soothed her with a pet.

“We should go back,” Joel said. “Get backup…”

“That’d be wise.”

Your gun was drawn before Joel or Tommy could reach theirs and you twisted in your saddle to look behind you. Joel turned, too, his sidearm drawn, a group of six men on foot standing about 20 feet back. Their rifles were drawn, at least two of them trained on you. Joel’s jaw clenched.

“Why don’t you folks get off those horses,” a man at the middle of the group said. “See what we can figure out.”

You glanced toward Joel before you whistled Gatling down and started to dismount before he had a chance to argue. Joel did, too, arranging himself in front of you - Tommy at his side, shielding you, too - before stepping closer to the group. Joel slung his rifle forward on his arm but kept it tilted toward the man’s legs and not his head. The man who’d spoken smirked.

“Haven’t seen you out this way before,” the man said. “Care to tell us where you’re from?”

“Not really,” Tommy said as Joel looked the group over. They were all large and broad, young and cocky. Looked to be well fed. These weren’t travelers passing through, of that he was almost certain. “You can tell us, though, seein’ as you’re traipsin’ through our territory.”

“Your territory?” The man raised his brows. “Seems like a bold claim for two men and their… pet to make.”

Tommy snapped his rifle up before Joel did.

“Say that shit about her again,” he snapped. “Fuckin’ dare you.”

Your hand went in the middle of Joel’s back, right between his shoulder blades, a gentle and grounding force, before you appeared at his side, Gatling practically glued to your calve.

“Bambi,” Joel growled, your hand trailing over his back before raising your rifle.

The man looked at you, amused.

“She’s come to play,” he smiled. “That’s good, I like ‘em with a little fight…”

“Trust me when I tell you that I’m doing you a favor, giving you the chance to deal with me,” you said, sounding almost eerily calm. “Try me and they’ll kill you. Assuming I don’t kill you first.”

Gatling growled at your feet, crouched and ready to spring.

“Now,” you said. “Where are you from.”

The man looked at you for a moment, all but licking his lips, before turning back to Joel and Tommy.

“You really let your little woman run the show?” He asked. “Can think of a lot better uses for her smart mouth…”

Gatling snarled and flattened her ears against her head. Joel’s eyes narrowed, raising his gun so it was now aimed at the man’s chest, not his legs.

“That’s my wife you’re talkin’ about,” he strained to keep his voice calm. “Now, you gonna tell us where you’re from or are you gonna make me gun you down?”

“How about this,” the man said, still seeming over confident. “You tell us where you’re from, maybe let us have a little fun with your whore wife, you go on your merry way. Otherwise, we can just kill you.”

Joel’s jaw clenched. Tommy adjusted his grip on his gun and Joel gave him a look before glancing over to you.

“Any of them look familiar?” He asked, voice dangerous and low.

“No,” you said. “Don’t know any of them.”

Joel focused back on the men.

“Good.”

He reached out an arm and swept you behind him a half second before he started shooting, Tommy following suit almost immediately. The men shot back, a bullet glancing off Joel’s shoulder as they did. You, of course refused to stay where Joel had tucked you for long. You stepped alongside him, firing, too, as Joel tried not to be distracted by the terrifying possibility of you, bleeding on the ground.

But the three of you were lucky. The men clearly hadn’t been doing this long. Joel wasn’t sure if they were just bad shots or if shooting and killing a person wasn’t something they were really comfortable with yet but either way, they’d dropped five of them, the sixth taking off, a bullet hole in his leg.

You lowered your gun.

“Gatling,” you panted before snapping and pointing toward the man. “Capture.”

She shot off like a rocket, her ears pressed flat against her head. The man was no match for her speed and she launched herself at him, her jaws clamping around the man’s bicep as she wrenched his body to the ground.

You took a deep breath and then looked to Joel’s arm, where there was now a hole in his jacket that the cold air bit through and a small spray of blood.

“Why do you always find some way to get fuckin’ shot?” You asked, your thumbs gently tracing the outside edge of the small wound.

“Just talented I suppose,” Joel smiled a little before looking over at Tommy. “You OK?”

“Fine,” he slung his rifle over his shoulder. “Should question that fucker and get the hell out of here before worse shows up.”

Joel led the way, drawing his knife. The three of you stood over the man, the same one who’d done all the talking before. He seemed much less cocky now, whimpering as Gatling growled around the meat of his arm.

“Call off your fucking dog!” He sobbed. “Fuck, please! I’ll tell you whatever you want, please!”

“Not one to give in to demands like that, but…” Joel looked at you.

“Gatling,” you said. “Release.”

The dog dropped the man’s arm and came to stand against your side, her ribs pressed to your leg. Joel caught the man’s shoulder with the toe of his boot and rolled him onto his back. He tried to sit up but Joel stopped him, pressing his foot into the wound from Gatling’s jaws on the man’s arm. He cried out as Joel forced him to the ground and Tommy kicked the man’s gun away.

“Now,” Joel said, getting down low and putting a knee at the center of the man’s chest. “You’re gonna answer some questions for us.”

***

Normally, watching Joel hurt someone would turn your stomach. It wasn’t a sight you enjoyed to begin with and you’d never seen him torture someone since you’d known how he learned how to. The fact that he had anything in common with the man bleeding on the ground made your stomach clench.

But this was different. Savvy was back in Jackson now. There were a lot of lines you were more than willing to cross to keep men like this far, far away from her. Including this one.

You rested your hand on Gatling’s head, the warmth of her fur comforting and familiar.

“Look at her,” Joel said, taking the man’s chin in his hand and forcing him to face you before looking at you himself. “You sure you don’t know him? Want to make sure I make this worse if you do.”

“I’m sure,” you said. It was oddly comforting, his threat. It was good to know that Joel was still Joel, even when doing stuff like this.

He nodded once and looked back at the man.

“Count yourself lucky,” he said. “She’s makin’ this easier for you. Now, where are you from.”

“Territory north west of here,” he panted. “In Idaho.”

“What brings you down this way?” Joel asked.

The man was silent for a moment outside of his labored breaths, his eyes closed in a wince. Joel sighed, sounding exasperated before lifting his knife.

“I’m gonna ask again,” Joel said. “Last time it’ll be nice. Why are you here.”

“Why should I tell you, hm?” The man spat. “You’re just gonna hurt me, kill me anyway, what goddamn difference does it make?”

“Now see, that’s just a bad attitude to have,” Tommy said, kneeling next to the man. He grabbed a fistful of his hair and forced his head to turn. “We can make this real hard or real easy. We got a lot of incentive to make this easy. We want to get back home to our families, don’t want to just be out here in the cold for hours on end because you’re being a goddamn dumbass. But, we have shit we need to protect. And if that means stayin’ out here while we take you apart piece by piece until you tell us what we want to know then, well, so be it.”

“Give you just a second to think about what my brother told you,” Joel said, pressing the tip of the knife to the man’s shoulder but not pushing it in. “And then you can answer now or you can answer later. Why are you here.”

The man closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep, shuddering breath before opening them again.

“There are too many of us,” he said. “Too many groups, been fighting over space for the past few years. Decided to work together for a time, find new territory to expand into. Sent us out here to see what might get in the way. Been tracking the territory of a settlement about a day’s walk from here, trying to see where we can push in and what they’ve got to push back…”

You stiffened, a chill running up your spine. Joel looked up to you, his eyes as concerned as you felt. He looked back at the man.

“How’s that been workin’?” Joel asked. “How are you tracking it?”

“We’ve been marking what we think the outside edges are,” he said. “We’ve been pushing in closer, last few months…”

“Who’re you workin’ with?” Joel asked.

“What?” The man asked, confused.

Joel sighed before pressing the knife into the man’s shoulder and he screamed.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Joel said. “The way you were talkin’ about my wife? I really wouldn’t mind taking my time and takin’ you apart. Who are you working with. Want names.”

“I don’t know!” He sobbed. “Swear I don’t, we run with a guy called Smith, he’s joined up with a couple other guys with groups like his, I don’t know their names…”

“Try and remember,” Joel growled, pressing the knife deeper. You winced and looked away, trying not think about Joel doing this before. Your stomach turned. “The name Mitchum ring a bell?”

“No,” the man said quickly. “Please, no, I promise I don’t know the names! Just that there are three or four of ‘em, that’s all.”

“How far out are the others you’re working with?” He asked. “They gonna be breathing down our necks any second?”

“No,” he said. “No, they’re a few days walk at least…”

Joel nodded before he reached out, brushing his fingers over the outside of your thigh, bringing your attention back to him.

“Any other questions?” He asked you. “Other names?”

“No,” you shook your head quickly. “Nothing else.”

Joel nodded, turning back to the man.

“Can’t let you live,” he said. “You’re a liability. You’re too hurt to get a message back to your people so there’s no point in risking it.”

“Fuck you,” the man spat and Joel shrugged.

“Shitty last words,” he said, pulling the knife from his shoulder before quickly slitting the man’s throat. He gasped and burbled on his own blood for a minute before he went still and quiet. Joel wiped his knife clean on the man’s shirt before sheathing it and getting to his feet. He looked to you then, his eyes wide and soft and deep.

“You with me?” He asked gently. You nodded quickly. He reached out, slowly, to take your face in his hands. His thumbs traced your cheekbones and his eyes looked into yours. “You’re OK? Not…”

“Yeah,” you said softly, cutting him off. “I’m OK.”

You weren’t sure how true that was. He pulled you against him, pressing his lips to your forehead before cradling you against him and holding you for a moment.

“Much as I’m happy you two have worked your shit out,” Tommy said. “We should get moving. Pretty sure he was tellin’ the truth but I don’t want to bet our lives on it.”

The three of you mounted up again, Gatling settling into her space on the front of your saddle.

“So,” Tommy said after you’d been riding for a bit. “Am I allowed to ask the obvious question?”

“Tommy,” Joel said, a warning on his voice.

“Look,” he replied. “Not tryin’ to hurt anyone or fuck up things between you two. But I’ve got a job to do when it comes to protecting my town and protecting my family and you two are a part of both of those things. Can’t defend from something I don’t know.”

“You don’t need -” Joel began but you cut him off.

“Mitchum was the man who held me captive for two years,” you said, staring straight ahead. Gatling gave a small whimper and you scratched her head. Tommy was quiet for what felt like a small eternity.

“He…” Tommy’s voice trailed off. “Two years?” You nodded, not able to look at him. “Two goddamn years?”

Your jaw tightened and your stomach turned.

“Two goddamn years and he ain’t dead yet?” Tommy asked, voice shifting to anger as he rounded on Joel. “The fuck have you been doing?”

“You think he’d still be breathin’ if I knew where to find him?” Joel snapped. “Ain’t that easy.”

“Should do to that fucker whatever he did to you,” Tommy said, ignoring Joel now. “Why haven’t you mentioned this before? We could’ve helped you, could’ve tried to track him down…”

“She don’t want to talk about it, Tommy,” Joel hissed. “Leave it.”

Gatling stretched up to give you a small lick on the chin.

“Joel’s right,” you said, finally making yourself look at the man who had become as much of a brother to you as the boys you’d grown up with had been. The pity in his eyes almost made you turn away. “I don’t want to talk about it. But you should know that he’s still after me. Joel and I ran into trouble on patrol before. One of the men then was one that… I knew him, from before. He said Mitchum is looking for me. He’s got a crew, at least 50 guys when I got out, and he’s looking for me.”

“Jesus,” Tommy shook his head for a moment before steeling himself. “He’s not gettin’ his hands on you. We’ll protect you, not going to let him hurt you, you understand me?”

“I know,” you said, looking straight ahead again. You tried not to think about what the man had just said. That there were groups of men like Mitchum, all bearing down on Jackson.

“Who all knows?” Tommy asked, calmer now. “About… what happened.”

“Joel,” you said, though that should have been obvious. “Ellie knows the broad strokes of it. Now you.”

“Not Savvy?” He asked, frown so evident in his voice that you looked over at him again. He looked sad and you tried not to resent him for it.

“Don’t need her having that shit in her head,” you said, looking forward again.

Tommy was silent for a few minutes.

“I’m really sorry, Bambi,” he said eventually. “You shouldn’t…”

“I don’t want your pity,” you said, harsher than you’d really meant to. “Just… forget I said anything.”

“But…”

“I said fucking forget it, Tommy.”

The rest of the ride back was quiet and you wanted to fix it. But, more than that, you wanted things to go back to how they’d been before. Where Tommy would give you shit and you’d give him shit back, not where he was going to pity you and handle you with kid gloves. You wanted him to keep being your brother, not someone who kept you at arm’s length because they kept picturing the shit that had happened to you.

Olivia was at the stable when the three of you made it back and you were almost disappointed that you wouldn’t be able to get lost in handling the horses on your own for a while. When she stepped to the side for a moment, you took a deep breath and turned to Tommy.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” you said, hoping that this would at least start to fix things. “I get that you need certain… information. I just don’t want you seeing me any different.”

“I don’t,” he gave you a sad half smile. “Just think you’re more badass now, that’s all.”

You scoffed but he waved you off.

“I mean it,” he said. “I do. And I’ll keep it to myself, alright?”

“Thank you,” you said and he pulled you in for a small hug.

“You might be Joel’s girl,” he said. “But you’re my sister. I’m gonna look out for you. No one’s allowed to fuck with you except me.”

You laughed a little at that, Tommy reminding you so much of Richie for a moment.

“I’ll go report out on this patrol,” he said, stepping back from you and looking to Joel. “We got some good information, it’ll help us be ready for whatever’s comin’ our way.”

Joel nodded, a concerned look on his face.

“We’ve weathered hard shit before,” Tommy said. “We can handle whatever these assholes have to throw at us. Took a lot to establish our territory here and I’m not afraid to shed a little blood to protect it.”

He set off and you, Joel and Olivia took care of everything else in near silence, Olivia just filling you in on the goings on while you were gone, seemingly unaware of any tension on the air.

“Should we go by the doctor?” You asked as you and Joel went to leave, your arms tight across your chest. “See if you need stitches or anything?”

“No,” he replied, draping an arm over your shoulders and tugging you closer to press a kiss to your temple. “It’s nothing too bad. Just want to get home.”

You just nodded and let him guide you home, walking in silence, the looming threat from the man Joel had questioned keeping your mind far away.

But when Joel opened the front door, you weren’t met with a quiet living room. Instead, Ellie and Savvy were sitting on the floor around the coffee table, Uno cards fanned out in their hands.

“Should never have told you how the draw cards work,” Ellie was muttering, her back to you and her already sizable hand growing as she drew from the deck in the middle of the table.

Savvy looked up as the door knob thudded into the wall, her eyes finding yours. Her face lit up like she was happy to see you - actually happy to see you.

“Mom!” She dropped her cards and jumped up. “You’re back!”

She ran over to you but stopped short of hugging you, looking you up and down before looking at Joel, too.

“Are you guys OK?” She asked, a little more reserved now, more how you were used to seeing her over the past few months. “Everyone made it through and stuff?”

“We’re fine,” you smiled, trying to actually be in the room with her instead of worrying about the threat of raiders on the horizon. It was easier, knowing that she actually wanted you there. “Is everything OK? What are you two doing here?”

“You were gone a little long,” she bit her lip and shoved her hands in her back pockets. “We just… we wanted to make sure you got home.”

You smiled, reaching out to tuck the stray curl that always popped out from her braids behind her ear. It was an automatic thing, a gesture you’d done countless times since she was a toddler. It didn’t occur to you until your fingers were almost brushing her skin that she might pull back from you now. But she didn’t. She let you touch her, adjusting her hair and cupping her cheek.

“Missed you,” you said quietly.

She smiled. It was tight, a little hesitant, but it was a smile.

“I missed you, too.”

Ellie had gone to the mess hall and brought back dinner for you and Joel and the two of you ate as Ellie and Savvy got Monopoly set up at the kitchen table. The four of you played a game, you paying more attention to explaining things like rents and mortgages and how they’d worked in the real world to Savvy. She crinkled her nose, the concept of money and paying to live inherently foreign to her. Joel kept a hand on your knee for most of it, his thumb tracing a gentle pattern there as you let Savvy clean you out, a small smile on your face every time you had to pay her.

“Well, some of us have to be up early tomorrow,” Ellie said, stretching, back arched like a cat after she won the game. “C’mon Savvy.”

“Yeah, alright,” Savvy yawned and tried to stifle it before getting to her feet.

“It was good to see you,” you said, crossing your arms to keep from reaching for her. “Thank you for staying a while.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, small but not as tight as it had been lately. “It was good to see you, too.”

She looked at you for a moment before hesitantly stepping closer. You lowered your arms and forced yourself to keep them at your sides until she reached for you, hugging you. You slowly, cautiously, hugged her back, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you held her close. She felt so foreign but so familiar all at once. You’d never had a chance to truly get used to holding her in the body she’d grown into in the years you were apart but she was still so her, smelling and moving the same as she always had.

You held onto her until she pulled away, her awkwardly staring down at your shoes before clearing her throat.

“Well…” she said. “Goodnight Mom. Joel.”

“Night,” Joel said, coming up alongside you, one of his large hands splaying wide over the small of your back.

“Goodnight,” you smiled a little, your voice wet.

Ellie gave you an encouraging look and followed Savvy out the back door and into the yard. You just stood there, watching them go, until they were inside the shed and the light turned on there.

“Hey,” Joel said quietly from beside you. You turned enough to look at him. He was watching you closely, frowning slightly. “How we doin’?”

You frowned.

“I’m fine,” you said. “Not really sure what you’re asking…”

“Well,” he looked off to the side for a moment before steeling himself and looking back to you with a heavy sigh. “Back when you first came back to me… You said you might need space sometimes. Today… There was a lot that happened, I had to do some shit that I’m sure ain’t easy to watch and… baby, if you need some distance from me…”

“Joel,” you said softly, twisting in his gentle hold so your front was pressed against his. You reached up and trailed your fingers through his curls.

“Want to give you whatever it is you need,” he said as your hands came to rest on his broad chest. He took your wrist gently in his palm and brought it to his lips pressing a kiss into your pulse point. “Even if that’s time away from me.”

“I don’t want that,” you said. “I just want to know you’re here.”

He pulled you a little closer, the hand that was on your wrist trailing down your arm before curling around your back.

“Why don’t we go get cleaned up,” he said, voice low, before leading you upstairs.

You undressed each other while the shower warmed up. You unbuttoned his shirt slowly, methodically, running your fingers over his bared chest before pressing your lips into him there. You examined the place on his arm where the bullet had grazed him, the cut already scabbing over.

“You got lucky,” you said, your fingers tracing over the older scars on his body before you kissed just below the new one.

“Been a lot luckier than I deserve for a while now,” he said quietly.

Once Joel undressed you, you took his hand and led him into the water. You cleaned him gently, lathering the soap in your hands before running them over his skin, cleaning the blood and dirt from his body and finding every mark on him that you’d gotten to know so well. He washed you in return, his large hands cupping your breasts, trailing over your stomach, your arms, cupping you between your legs with tender care. When you were both clean, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your slick, wet body against his own. His cock - half hard and thick - nestled against your stomach.

“C’mon baby,” he said, tilting your head so he could look in your eyes while his nose brushed your own. “Let me take you to bed. Don’t want to rush this with you and don’t trust my bum leg to let me take my time in here.”

You smiled a little and kissed him.

“Promise you’ll take me to a lake this summer?” You asked. “Because I really want to fuck you in the water.”

He closed his eyes and laughed, low and needy.

“Promise, baby.”

You kissed him again.

“Then take me to bed.”

Joel reached behind you to turn off the water and wrapped you securely in a towel before running one quickly through his curls and over his own slick body. You enjoyed the view for a moment - the muscle of his arms and chest, the soft and welcoming swell of his stomach - before starting off toward the bedroom, dropping your towel halfway down the hall and looking back over your shoulder to catch your husband staring at you as you did.

It didn’t take him long to join you, his hands on your waist soon after you were in your bedroom, turning you to face him. His cock was fully hard as he kissed you, his lips hot and needy against you. You arched into his touch, the feeling of him against you, the taste of him on your tongue.

He pulled back from you just enough that you could look into his eyes, all molten hot and soft and open, his nose brushing yours, still breathing the same air.

“Tell me how to take care of you,” he said softly. “Tell me what you need.”

“Just you,” you said, voice breathy and trembling. “I need to feel you, I need you close.”

His mouth swallowed your words as he nudged you back down onto the bed. He arranged you in the middle of it, his skin never far from yours, before he settled in the cradle of your hips. His thick length pressed against your slit, making you moan as he kissed down your shoulder to your breast, taking the firm, pebbled part of you into his mouth and sucking you gently. You whimpered, grinding your hips against him. He kissed over your swell of flesh to your breast bone before looking up at you there, his gaze hot and desperate.

“Needy, are you?” He all but growled before pressing another kiss to your chest. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take real good care of you. Just let me enjoy you first.”

He worked his way to your other breast, sucking you there while he cupped and gently toyed with the other one, his cock rocking against your core the whole time. You could feel your pussy starting to drip for him, your grasping entrance desperate for something to hold.

“Please Joel,” you panted, working your hips up against him as best you could with the weight of him holding you still. “I need you, please, please…”

He pulled his mouth from your nipple with a reluctant groan before adjusting his hips, your clit throbbing in protest of the loss of contact for a moment before you felt his head notch against your entrance. Joel hovered over you, the soft skin of his chest and stomach ghosting over yours, one of his hands coming to cradle the crown of your head, his thumb tracing tenderly along the peak of your hairline.

“What do you need?” He asked, sounding nearly breathless himself. “What’s my pretty, perfect wife need, hm?”

“You,” you whimpered. You didn’t really care if you sounded pathetic, you needed Joel too much. “Inside me, please, please…”

“Don’t worry baby,” he said. “Give you exactly what you need, always gonna take care of you.”

You felt him press into you then, his cock opening your tight channel as he sank into you. You closed your eyes and arched into the familiar, pleasant burn of the stretch of him followed by the almost shocking fullness when he was fully sheathed within you. He stilled there for a moment, your body adjusting to his size, and you could feel all of him. He was so close like this, closer than anyone else had ever been. Your body held onto his, your thighs around his hips, hands over his chest, pussy stretched taut over his cock. You could feel every breath he took, every throb of his cock within you. He was yours like this, yours and yours alone.

“This what you needed?” His voice trembled. You could only nod. He pulled back from you and you whimpered before he thrust back in with a grunt. “Good. Always give you what you need, baby, always.”

He fucked you hard and slow, his thrusts almost bruising in their force and making your hands leave his chest to twist and tangle in the blankets as your orgasm built. He set his aching rhythm, his tongue sweeping into your mouth and devouring all your needy, fucked out sounds.

Your whole being was drawn in tight and hot when he laced his fingers with yours, pinning your hand to the bed.

“C’mon baby,” Joel panted as he thrust into you deep and hard. “Let me feel you, just let go for me. You’re OK, you’re here with me, just give in. I’ve got you, baby. Take care of you, just give in, just come for me. Just come.”

You pressed your hips up against him and came, your fingers tightening around his as your pussy pulsed and throbbed and he fucked you through it.

Joel didn’t last long, though. Your climax had barely begun to ease when he pressed himself deep and came with a strangled cry. He kissed you as he finished before collapsing onto you for a moment, the heavy weight of him soothing and centering as you came back down to Earth.

After a minute, he pulled himself gently from your fucked out body and lay beside you, still panting for breath as he watched you next to him. You rolled to face him and pressed yourself close, burying your face in his chest that smelled like soap from the shower with a hint of sweat from what happened after. His hand brushed over your hair and down your back in a gentle, easy cadence. He pressed a kiss into the crown of your head and you felt him take a deep breath, his nose nuzzled into your hair.

“You with me?” He asked softly. You nodded into his chest. “How’re you feelin’?”

“After that?” You teased lightly. “I’m great.”

He chuckled.

“Not what I meant, love.”

You took a deep breath, taking the centering scent of Joel into yourself.

“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “I guess I just… I kept thinking raiders were far away from here. Sure, they were out there, we ran into them sometimes, but they weren’t a problem. Not really. But they’re not, they’re right there and I…” your voice cracked and he pulled you tighter.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “M’sorry.”

“Savvy’s here now,” you said, trying to keep yourself from crying. “Ellie… she goes out there. And now you do, too, and… I know I sound like a goddamn broken record but I cannot survive losing any of you. I can’t. And they just take, they take and take and they won’t stop until there’s nothing left and…”

You buried your face in his chest, not able to keep going.

“It won’t be like that this time,” he whispered. “You’re not doing this alone. I’ve got you and anyone who wants to even glance at you or our girls will have to go through me. And good luck keepin’ me from coming home to you.”

You laughed once at that, the sound thick and wet.

“I’m going to protect you, Bambi,” he said, his tone serious now. “I promise you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep us all safe.”

Next Chapter

A/N: I dunno guys, I feel like something might be about to happen.

Could just be me, though.

👀👀👀👀

Thank you, as always, for reading. I really can't say how much it means to me that you're here, that you're so kind and supportive, that you choose to spend your time with this story. I appreciate it so much.

Love you!

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic

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val-cansalute · 4 months

Text

PICKING UP THE ———- PIECES -———

ch. 5

ch. 1

ch. 2

ch. 3

ch. 4

ch. 6

a/n: 😪 banners by cafekitsune and saradika-graphics

Snow still lays thick upon the soil once you’re gone. Along its boundless surface, specks of silver glisten, basking in the gentle glow of the moon, smothering the town’s bustle.

“You sure?”

The wind is cruel, lashing auburn locks erratically about Ellie’s face, numbed by the frigidity. In spite of the burning cold overtaking her limbs, her grip on the straps of the saddle tightens and her eye contact with Tommy turns ever so slightly hostile,

"Tommy, it’s been less than a day. She can’t be far. You comin’ or not? ‘Cause I’m doing this with or without you.”

He looks back at her wordlessly with a furrow in his brow, piercing through the tense silence laced with the distant bustle of Jackson,

“Alright… Let’s set off quick then.”

“Okay.”

Something compels her to silence, an impulse to keep her lips sealed over restless secrets. Maybe she knows that going after you is illogical, that it was a choice you made on your own. But she can’t bring herself to indulge in those realisations – all she knows is that she has to find you; there is no hesitation. Thankfully, the urgency in her tone was explanation enough for Tommy.

With a rushed onset, they split up to cover more ground, venturing onwards into the overrun territory encompassing Jackson with eyes vigilant, searching for signs of you, but seconds turn to minutes, and minutes turn to hours of vacillating between trot and gallop, losing sense of direction and fragments of determination to the exhaustion that mutinies her mind.

Thank god the hoofprints come into view when they do - as if by magic or a blessing, the impressed snow shows itself clear as day, juxtaposing the sea of white bordering it, darkened by dirt and grime. Ellie perks up with desperate intrigue so she pulls the reins and crouches down beside them, muttering to herself,

“Huh, what do we have here?”

And then her heartbeat quickens in anticipation of relief,

“She's close.”

Verily, she follows, the tracks guiding her further into the dense vegetation with senses working overtime to accommodate the fact that it is winter and hordes are rampant. She fucking prays you didn’t run into one, but the forest is deafeningly silent, seeming to hold its breath tonight.

She’s fast on your track; in this moment, the path is hope, a lifeline steering her along. Every now and then, a rustle of leaves, or the distant echoes of infected throw her mind into disarray, but she scans the area rapidly, shaky grip tightening on her firearm, before pushing on.

Just under an hour, the prints become faded and scattered, and the apprehension makes her stomach twist before she lifts her head to greet the destination - a desolate clearing.

“Fuck me.”

Dim moonlight hangs over Ellie and Tommy’s exhausted figures. The night has been relentless. The trail resulted in nothing more than wasted time and the discovery of a empty clearing, devoid of any sign of you.

Frustration and fatigue etched on her face and lingering in the air around her, Ellie kicks at a loose stone on the ground like a little kid, the full regret of having set off hurriedly with no real plan or navigation overcoming her. They’ve gotten nowhere.

In a see-through attempt at remaining pragmatic, Tommy pats her shoulder and states with a tone of reassurance, though it’s betrayed by the wearied rasp in his voice,

"We'll figure it out, Ellie. We just need to rest for a bit and rethink our strategy. She couldn't have gotten far."

But Ellie's resolve is fixed and her jaw is set in determination. It’s too late to turn back now, she knows that.

"I can't rest, Tommy. Every minute wasted is another minute she's further."

He sighs heavily with complete sincerity, running a hand through his unkempt hair.

"Ellie, she’s probably asleep right now, or some shit. And pushing yourself like this won't help anyone."

Their intermingling voices rise, threaded with increasing aggression until the tension has thickened beyond salvaging, and the rift between their convictions seems insurmountable in the darkness of the night.

Finally, unable to find common ground, Ellie announces,

"I'm not waiting. I'm going to keep searching. You wanna go back? Fine."

And, without waiting for a response, she takes off, leaving her horse and Tommy, who mutters quiet cusses into the heavy stillness of the night. She moves with purpose, the flashlight attached to her backpack tearing through the darkness.

She refuses to let the ache in her feet claim her; every step she takes echoes the silent plea for you to be found. Even as the hours wear on, Ellie's determination refuses to wane in spite of the fatigue gnawing at her bones. She can’t let herself think, she can’t let herself dwell, she has to keep searching, even if she can’t tell herself why.

However, the moon, as always, gives surrender to the encroaching dawn. Ellie's flickering hope of finding you dims as her steps grow heavier and her eyes wearier, and the first light of sunrise bleeds into the sky from the horizon.

Eventually, shattered and running on sheer god-like willpower, Ellie stumbles upon a vantage point, and stands over the landscape, large enough to swallow her whole millions of times over, like she’s the last person on Earth, staring into the face of impending destruction.

But it’s just dawn, and the overcast warm glow showers upon her as the realization that she has been searching through the night hits her. The screeching thought of you inevitably having gotten hurt plagues her mind. Deep breath, in and out, she lets the weight of it all settle upon her weakened shoulders, yet there’s still no time for rest.

The search is far from over.

You strain your neck to squint up at the skeletal structure that has born the brutality of the post-apocalyptic world, barely making out the details past the overgrown foliage seeping out of its broken windows and destroyed walls.

You enter with caution and heightened senses, searching for any signs of danger. The creaking floorboards beneath your feet shatter the palpable silence in the damp air.

Shifting through the shadows, your senses remain sharp and attuned to the slightest noise, scanning the objects illuminated by the dim light of dawn filtering through the cracks in the abandoned building. Shadows loom outstretched along the corridors.

In a shadowy corner, a man is crouched over a bag, and you watch him with a racing heart before you emerge, your silhouette a silent spectre against the dilapidated walls.

Your eyes meet for a fleeting moment before you both jump into action instinctively, but you swiftly disarm him. The struggle is brief but intense, and he is overpowered, because, if there’s one thing fear has taught you, it’s that each movement has to be calculated and purposeful.

And when he’s on his knees, trying to plead for mercy, when he’s scraping pathetically at the scruples of humanity left in your soul, you remain resolute - just don’t think. Your grip is firm as you subdue him.

A few blows leave him incapacitated, and you leave it at that because you have never been able to succumb to gratuitous violence. He lets out a muffled groan with his cheek pressed against the cold stone floor.

Swiftly, you bind is wrists and ankles taut, ensuring he can’t pose a threat before confiscating his meagre supplies and rifling through them. Food, water, anything that could sustain you on the journey ahead, you take, and then you drop his bag my his side and arise.

You turn to leave, but you glance back at the man over your shoulder, meeting his eyes with a solemn expression. You haven’t done this in a while, not since you arrived at Jackson, and your penchant for showing no mercy has been buffed down.

There’s so much you have to beg your mind to steer itself away from, beg it to not to linger on the helplessness in his eyes as he looks back at you, or how you would’ve slit his throat without a doubt when it was just you and Soren.

With the stolen supplies secured, you walk through the entrance. You have to convince yourself of one last thing.

Mercy takes on different forms.

Out into the muted light of dawn, the air is brisk, and the horizon enlightening drags the worry of not making it out of the treacherous night you endured off your shoulders. A new day. A momentary respite washes over you; you’re only a little scathed.

With the first light of dawn illuminating your path,

“Only an hour or two away …”

It is a small victory in the grand scheme of things, but it’s enough for someone with your past.

Mounting her horse, the familiar weight of the saddle grounds you as you set off once more into the unknown. The rhythmic, muffled thump of hooves against the snow-blanketed floor, and the shadow of the horse and rider stretched long over the ruins, a lone traveller navigating the remnants of a world.

You ride on, your mind numb to the thought of returning to Soren. Back to the old house, to the doorstep where your heart lies dormant.

Crestfallen, the fruitless landscape stands before Ellie, as if to mock her hunched over figure, bathed in the warm hues of the noontime sun. She has been traversing since the wee hours of the morning after stopping momentarily to map out a journey in her relentless pursuit of you, trying to stay determined, but the urgency that keeps her moving forward is dulled by the incessant pangs of hunger and the desperate struggle to keep her eyes open. Doubt creeps in as the vast emptiness erodes her resolution.

Just as thoughts of turning back infiltrate her sleep-deprived mind, a faint sound carries along a whistling gust of wind, drawing her fading attention. Pained noises, barely audible, leave her instantly alert, and Ellie follows the source of the sound with a subtle limp in her step. Though her senses are sharpened by the urgency of the situation, everything still seems blurrier and muffled.

Guided by the haunting echoes, she carefully weaves her way through the silent surroundings, every step weighted with anticipation, into a derelict building.

She approaches cautiously, entering a room where the sound is amplified and she comes face to face with the source: a man, bound and gagged, his eyes shut as he lies, weakened by his restraints. Without hesitation, Ellie kneels beside him, pistol pressed to his pained temple, her gaze unwavering,

“Who did this to you?" she demands, her voice edged with a fierce determination. His eyes fly open, looking up at her fearfully.

“Shit! Some fuckin’ girl – I don’t know!”

“… When did she leave?”

“Like ten minutes ago! I haven’t got shit, she took everything! I’m begging you, please untie me!”

She stands, contemplating it for a moment, before she kicks him over so that he can contort his body into a sitting position, eliciting a sharp groan. He wasn’t tied up beyond hope of managing to undo the knots, you made sure of it,

“You can figure that out on your own, I got shit to do.”

With a sense of exhilaration, Ellie jogs out and circles to the back of the building, her eyes scanning the snow-covered ground for any sign of movement where she notices a fresh set of foot and hoofprints, meeting at a point along the line where they become one trail of hoofprints, a delicate dance littering the frozen canvas.

Hope surges within Ellie as, once again, she follows the tracks. She has to move fast; you have a horse and she has only her feet. The air is tense with anticipation, but she somehow manages to power through the all-consuming exhaustion and hunger with the promise of getting closer to the elusive figure she seeks.

The sun dips lower on the horizon; the bitter cold forgotten in the warmth of purpose.

Nothing is left of your house but the gnarled bones of the home it once was. The memories of all you left behind seep through the cracked walls – the good and the bad, a silent witness to the passage of time. You hold your breath captive in your tightened chest and push open the door, its rusty hinges protesting your return with a shrill creak.

The air is thick with dust dancing in the slivers of dim light that manage to pierce through boarded windows. Everything surrounding you, once thriving and familiar, is now reduced to mere echoes, whispers. Your fingers gently trace the life left in the fray, your gaze sweeping over the remnants of all you lost to the destruction. There’s nothing but blood left to salvage, to hold onto.

You lay in the centre of what used to be your bedroom, save for the actual bed, beside the shadow of the place where Soren used to lie, but there is no reprieve. You can’t look at it, your gaze pointed to the damp-stained ceiling, rust-coloured organic forms scattered across it.

If there’s one thing you can trust to remain a constant in your life, it’s that memories flood your mind no matter when or where you are, unbidden and unwelcome. Here, you can let them play out wholly, succumb to the deserved guilt that you cannot let yourself escape.

Trace the mustard outline of the leakages in the wallpapered walls with the movement of your weary pupils, stop trying to battle the thoughts as they influx from the depths. Turn your head to look at the ruined wall – no matter how hard you scrubbed, droplets of what once was his blood, and his blood only, taken over by that cruel evil, seeped through and infected it just as the clicker infected him. They still burn as hot and bright as they did that night, staring back at you.

You had been splayed out on the floor, over tattered blankets, similar to now, waiting for Soren, who had heard a noise beyond the gate. The worry was becoming an annoyance, so you got up and ran out into the night to find him, further out than you usually would on your own.

You should’ve stayed. Never should’ve wandered. It was your fault he had to fight off that clicker, the scar etched into his back for all eternity, evidence of your fatal error. Even though you made it home with adrenaline pumping through your veins, the nagging sting eventually became an undeniable ache, and from that point, Soren was already dead.

He begged and begged, eyes glassed over for the first time since your mother died, but your pathetic selfishness left him shrinking beside the new force overcoming his body, till he became what he prayed he would never become.

Then, and only then, did you do it. Coward that you are, bashing his obliterated skull over and over in the haze, blood and brains sent adrift, consuming all the surfaces they landed on, your mind, body, and soul, for the rest of your life, and anything that lies beyond.

There’s a violent shift and you jolt back to the surface, gasping for air like you were drowning with sharp, shallow, greedy breaths.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Ellie's urgent voice cuts through the remnants of the memory.

"I got you," she whispers, a breathless relief in her voice. You, disoriented and still caught in an intersection between past and present, struggle to hold back the already fallen tears and even in spite of the glaring truth that you came here wilfully, the sight of her brings sweet relief.

“Ellie-”

“Shimmer.”

“Huh?”

“The horse’s name is Shimmer.”

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comatosebunny09 · 10 months

Text

firestarter | leon k.

genre(s): romance, friends to lovers, angst warning(s): mutual pining, language, self-loathing, steaminess, terms of endearment (sweetheart), hurt feelings summary: “gimme a color,” he husks, his lips pressed to your neck as if to siphon the warmth from your skin. as if you could, his fingers tip-toeing down your sternum, stealing all coherency from your mind. music inspo: friends with benefits - tory lanez vete - bad bunny come alive - jackson wang notes: takes place in the same verse as kindle. thanks for reading, lovely! ❤️❤️❤️ part 2 coming soon!

It isn’t so much that you’ve been avoiding him. You just haven’t been able to look your partner in the eye since. Well …

The dreams started.

They began innocently enough. Sweet as cotton candy, soft like cashmere. Filled with gentle kisses and coos of I adore you pressed into the crown of your head as he stroked your back and held fast to you like you’d disappear in a plume of smoke if he let go.

However, your recent visions have taken a more sinful turn. Saturated with hot and furtive breaths against your neck and a hard, sweltering body anchoring yours to your mattress. With hands always so big, sending electricity pulsing through your extremities as they mapped out the contours of your body, stroking your thighs apart. And that goddamn smirk.

You shiver at the recollection, nearly dropping the manilla folders in your saturated palms.

Fuck. Maybe you have been avoiding him.

You chew on your lip while the carpeted floor swallows the sounds of your footsteps. Heart sits in your throat, anxiety spuming through you like a geyser as you near his office.

Leon had requested your presence earlier. Wanted to get to the bottom of your evasiveness. Was wary as he asked, placing a careful hand on the small of your back whilst you mulled over some paperwork. And naturally, you jumped some fifty feet out of your skin as if it were the first time he ever touched you—the dejected look on his face is permanently ingrained in your mind, causing you to sigh.

You’ve been jittery like this for weeks now. Been months since you and your partner regarded your relationship as anything but platonic. Because, of course, it isn’t normal for two friends to hold hands and cuddle and kiss with tongue like longtime lovers. And it for damn sure isn’t common for one friend to fantasize about the other. About their fingers and mouth and breath patterning the skin between their thighs, and—

You shake your head to ward off your reveries as the chilly metal of the door handle finds your palm. Heaving a breath, you prepare yourself for the inevitable. The inquisitive looks and prying questions. Leon can be infuriatingly persistent when he wants to be. He wouldn’t be your partner otherwise. Wouldn’t have wormed his way into your heart if not for that tenacity.

You cautiously twist the doorknob, the swell of noise from the agency fading into a dull murmur as you quietly shut the door behind you.

Of course, Leon would be seated at his desk, looking like a goddamn Adonis. Poring over some reports, concentration etched onto his features. Hair combed back in that way that makes your knees weak, tie loosened.

The soft click of his door shutting captures his interest. A smile instantaneously touches his lips, wide like he’s the proverbial kid in a candy store, and you’re the jawbreaker he’s been blessed with the rare privilege of tasting.

“Hey, you,” Leon greets, the low gravel of his voice reserved only for you.

Your back finds the glacial wood of the door, the folders clasped to your bosom as you look everywhere else but at your partner. Shiver when you feel his gaze sinking into you, stripping you down to the marrow, leaving you naked and exposed. “You wanted to see me?” you murmur, wishing you could melt into the floor.

Leon’s responding chuckle sifts through your bones. Heat overwhelms your cheeks, your heart working overtime. “What is this, a State of the Union Address?” He pokes at your formality, clearly knowing something’s amiss. The sound of his chair rolling and the rustling of fabric piques your ears. “Com’ere,” he husks, motioning to you in your peripheral, leant on the front edge of his desk.

You peer at your partner for the first time in what feels like eons. Ingest the boyish crinkle of his eyes and the muscles of his arms threatening to spill from his button-up. You swallow past the sand collecting in your throat. Drop your shoulders, conceding to your fate. Reluctantly pad over to him, the walk feeling like it stretches for miles. You take up the space he pats beside him, apprehension curdling in your chest.

The harsh edge of the oakwood digs into your buttocks. Keeps you somewhat grounded as you ingest the scent of teakwood and Bourbon, and fuck him for smelling so good. For feeling so good, the heat of his body permeating your attire, pooling in your loins. His pinky grazes the bone of your hip. A gesture of affection that causes you to jerk away from the static it invokes, sliding further toward the other end of the desk.

His expression is incredulous in the corner of your eye. A mixture of hurt and irritation swimming beneath the bows of his steely blues. “Okay,” Leon sighs after some time spent in rigid silence, folding his arms over his chest. You flinch at the weightiness of his voice. At the disappointment laced within, shrinking like a scolded child. “What’s goin’ on?” Never one to beat around the bush, always straight to the point.

Feigning innocence, ignoring the waver of your tone. “What do you mean?”

Another sigh. Another rustle. Eyes scanning over you beneath furrowed brows and dispiritedness. “C’mon,” Leon murmurs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve been avoiding me like the plague.” The pressure surrounding you shifts whilst Leon angles himself closer, willing you to just fucking look at him. Sounds wounded as he asks, “Did I do somethin’ to piss you off?”

You scoff aloud, more upset with yourself than anything. Of course not, you will your mouth to utter. Never. But these stupid dreams make it hard to look at Leon. To stare at those sinful lips and those work-worn fingers and—

“No, Lee,” you exhale. Feel his body relax at the use of his nickname. His gaze never falters, and you have this gnarling feeling in your gut that he won’t let you leave until you open up. With a surge of confidence, you look at him. Absorb the puppyish pout of his mouth and his hands twitching to touch you. To coax out your confession and stroke your downy skin.

You gnaw on your bottom lip. It’s now or never, says the distant throb in your temples.

“You haven’t … done anything wrong, Lee. I just … I’ve been having these … weird dreams about you.” Though meager, you’re relieved that your voice decided to work.

“Dreams, huh?” Leon taps his chin, your words churning through the cogs of his brain. He relents a throaty chuckle to the air after a beat, his muscles easing as he crosses one leg over the other. Cutely cocks his head to the side, saying, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about me, sweetheart. You know I’m too stubborn to die.” Accents his words with a playful jab to your cheek.

An icy thrill shoots through your center. You’re not sure if Leon’s being intentionally oblivious or if he’s truly unaware of the weight of your words. “N-no, Lee,” you stammer, glancing at your feet. The cardstock of the folders bites into your palms as you strangle them for dear life. Try again. “I have dreams about you. Like, dream dreams.”

You can practically hear the gears turning in his head. See the confusion clinging to his visage, eventually morphing into realization. Leon’s mouth forms around a silent ‘o’. He blinks rapidly, dispelling the fog from his mind, his expression stunned as he beholds you again.

“Oh! Oh.”

You’re acutely aware of your surroundings in the following stillness. The distant buzz of your coworkers. The tick-tock of the clock mounted on his wall. The bob of Leon’s Adam’s apple as he swallows thickly, and the uptick of your heartbeat in your ears as his eyes skitter away from yours.

You shut your lids against the epinephrine flooding your bloodstream. Feel so very stupid for opening your mouth, knowing damn well your relationship hasn’t reached that threshold of intimacy yet. That making love to you probably hasn’t even crossed his mind.

Sure, you adore your partner. Would rearrange the moon and stars for him if he asked. But you’ve intentionally moved at a snail’s pace, fearful of scaring him off. He’s confided in you before that he’s been broken. Used for his status, his money, his body. You want him to know your feelings are real. That the gentle stroke of your fingers through his hair is sincere, and the emotions you pour into his mouth as you kiss him so eagerly are raw and genuine.

Feeling you’ve overstayed your welcome, you clear your throat and begin smoothing out the wrinkles of your clothing. “I should get going. Gotta get ready for my next mission,” you quietly venture, straightening up. An assignment of reconnaissance on your own, much to your dismay. It may be a blessing in disguise, given that Leon still won’t look at you. You don’t think you could bear another moment of this, feeling as if you’ve thoroughly fucked up whatever blooms between you.

Your steps are soundless as you meander toward the entrance of his office. A cloud of despondency and drooping shoulders, reaching for the handle.

“Wait,” Leon cautions at your back, halting your escape. There’s a tenderness to his timbre buried beneath a current of hesitation. An inkling of his usual smugness. An attempt at normalcy despite the uncomfortable air swelling between you. “Can I come see you when you get back?”

Your vision ebbs in and out of focus. Eyes glass over, teeth grit. You’re appreciative that he doesn’t try to pursue it. “Sure,” you offer whilst the door slides open. Before Leon can splinter your heart any further, you disappear behind the door, your hands shaky and your stomach aching with indescribable pressure.

You really fucked this one up, huh? You berate yourself on the way to the armory, the sight of a dumbfounded Leon still burned into your brain.

part 2 [ incomplete ] >>

#leon x reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon x fem reader #leon kennedy x fem reader #leon s kennedy x female reader #resident evil 4 x reader #re4 x reader #kindle series

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starsandhughes · 7 months

Text

Penalty Box Series— Trevor Zegras Edition (Five)

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: four

next: six

i skipped the cbj game since z got... benched... so sissy shall play nice

to those of you who have been waiting for leo and sissy content, may i present: leo and sissy content!

OCTOBER 26, 2026

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, leocarlssoon, and 16,552 others

yourusername welcome back to my postgame penalty box update show: THE ANAHEIM DUCKS ENDED THE BRUINS'S SIX GAME WIN STREAK EDITION! (and they brought the bruins into OT for the first time this season!)

tonight, cammy played his 900th game, gudas scored his first goal as a duck, my son and my dad scored goals in the final two minutes of regulation to tie the game, mac-t scored his first game winning goal of the season in overtime (i love you! i'm so proud! enjoy your forehead kisses!), and my lovely z-baby started a scrum over our son, leo, getting a hard hit which resulted in him drawing a roughing penalty by lindholm! and z led all forwards in time on ice with 22:49 minutes! all without getting a penalty!

oh, AND LEO GOT HIS FIRST ASSIST TONIGHT ON MASON'S GOAL! jackson also assisted on the goal, which means that all three players involved are under 23! we are, after all, the youngest team in the league, and it's starting to pay off! they're 2 for 2 on the roadie, so let's keep this up!

p.s. yes, that is my baby daddy biting our son in the fifth pic. yes, it's one of his ways of showing love. yes, he got it from me

p.s.s. LEO, MY CURRENT FAVORITE SON, I AM UNBELIEVABLY PROUD OF YOU! you had your first multi-point night tonight, and you are absolutely thriving in the big leagues🧡 i love you!

p.s.s.s. trevor, i love you, always! seeing you happy and supportive of your teammates on the ice makes me so warm inside, and i’m so lucky to be yours🧡

tagged trevorzegras, masonmctavish23, and leocarlssoon

view all 259 comments

trevorzegras i’m the luckiest guy in the world because you, sweet girl, are my biggest supporter, and my team's🧡 i love you, forever!

yourusername orange, black, white, plum, and turquoise, mother fucker! these colors don't run, bitch! anaheim! anaheim! anaheim!

trevorzegras and you also do things like that! i'm so lucky!

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras i can hear her saying that

trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale that's because she's yelling it and you're only two minutes away

yourusername IN TREVOR WE TRUST🫡

trevorzegras oh look! more things that you do! i will never run out of luck!

jackhughes @/trevorzegras her crazy is somehow entertaining

trevorzegras @/jackhughes and endearing

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras @/jackhughes she's so effervescent

trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale that's a band

colecaufield @/trevorzegras you're thinking of evanescence

trevorzegras @/colecaufield oh

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras it means bubbly and enthusiastic

yourusername @/trevorzegras @/jackhughes @.jamie.drysdale SAPS

user41 matthew tkachuk bites mouth guards, trevor zegras bites people <3 two kinds of rats

leocarlssoon thank you, mom! i love you, too! i also appreciated the forehead kisses and being your current favorite son🧡

lhughes_06 @/yourusername we've been over the fact that you can't announce your favorite child!

colemcward @/lhughes_06 you aren't the one being downgraded!

edwards.73 @/colemcward welcome to the club

mackie.samo @/lhughes_06 @/edwards.73 @.colemcward i’ve never even BEEN a favorite! i barely had a chance to be the newest child!

dylanduke25 @/lhughes_06 @/mackie.samo @.colemcward @/edwards.73 at least you have fathers! i’m a fatherless-secret child!

adamfantilli AT LEAST YOU GUYS ARE SONS

leocarlssoon @/trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale @.masonmctavish23 what's happening? this wasn't in my y/n run down course

masonmctavish23 @/leocarlssoon this is out of my expertise

yourusername @/leocarlssoon you played great tonight! keep it up and you'll get plenty more forehead kisses! z and stromer get some every night!

masonmctavish23 @/yourusername wait, why does stromer get them every night? i thought we were friends??

jamie.drysdale @/masonmctavish23 that is a losing battle you're trying to fight, my guy

yourusername @/masonmctavish23 because i like him better than you

lhughes_06 @/yourusername AND YOU LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE BETTER THAN ME! LIKE LEO!

yourusername @/lhughes_06 STOP BEING A BABY! AND TELL YOUR BROTHERS THAT, TOO! AND NON-BROTHERS!

trevorzegras @/leocarlssoon welcome to the family!

user27 z spraying that water bottle on himself is making me feel things

anaheimducks we love our biggest fan!!

yourusername omg i can't believe THE ducks admin replied to me!😭🫶

anaheimducks omg i can't believe THE future mrs. zegras-hughes replied to us!😭🫶

user5 SISSY SON SHENANIGANS HAS RISEN!

colecaufield i miss when you two used to bite me🥺

yourusername prepare to be attacked on november 12th, coley woley!

trevorzegras and again on the 22nd since y/n is abandoning me that day to see you and quinn!

yourusername and maybe the 30th!

colecaufield @/yourusername MAYBE?!

yourusername @/colecaufield i can only abandon my boy toy so much! he gets his feelings hurt!

trevorzegras @/colecaufield i'm tragically codependent

colecaufield fine! but i’m not breaking it to suzy!

yourusername you bitch

colecaufield OR jordan!

yourusername THAT'S MY HARRY! YOU BITCH!

trevorzegras i’ll break it to matty!

yourusername @/trevorzegras i will go out of spite instead of keeping it a maybe

trevorzegras i’ll keep my mouth shut!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras you know how to do that?!

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes you bitch

user89 i need sissy to adopt me! not trevor, just sissy

user40 I'M LIVING FOR THE THE NEW DUCKIES

_quinnhughes do you feed him?

yourusername we take turns feeding each other! and sometimes, jamie baby does it!

jamie.drysdale translation: they just show up

_quinnhughes @/jamie.drysdale why did you give them a key?

jamie.drysdale @_quinnhughes y/n/n has keys to all of our places! you know that!

yourusername @_quinnhughes jamie completes my rainbow! jack and luke's key is red, alex's is yellow, yours is green, cole's is blue, the lake house is purple, mine and z's key is pink and says princess, and jamie's is orange!

_quinnhughes @/yourusername princess pink is my favorite color in the rainbow

yourusername @_quinnhughes omg! mine, too! this is why we're best friends!! that's crazy!!!

trevorzegras @/yourusername then who's house does the minnie mouse key open???

yourusername @/trevorzegras that's a secret i’ll never tell, xoxo

trevorzegras @/yourusername and the one that says "key i haven't lost yet"?

yourusername @/trevorzegras petey

_quinnhughes @_eliaspettersson why does sissy have a key to your place?

_eliaspettersson @_quinnhughes she asked

user94 new sissy lore unlocked: she has keys to half the nhl's home???

jackhughes @/trevorzegras we told you to bite marchand, not your son!

trevorzegras no, i was told to bite him in retaliation if he licked me! he didn't lick me!

jackhughes so you don't deny the bite allegations?

trevorzegras cole has a video of me and y/n biting you at the same time! i have no defense!

yourusername @/trevorzegras why would you share that with the world?

trevorzegras @/yourusername you share so much worse things

yourusername @/trevorzegras touché

jackhughes @/yourusername @/trevorzegras you two never let me have any fun

yourusername @/jackhughes you could bite marchand! that would be fun!

jackhughes @/yourusername i could bite quinn before that! and z after!

yourusername @/jackhughes GREAT IDEA! do that one! throw in draisaitl! bite a guy on every team in the west!

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes don't do that

trevorzegras @/jackhughes do that

jackhughes @_quinnhughes sorry, captain bubba! it's 3 against 1

leocarlssoon did i start this?

trevorzegras @/leocarlssoon we started it with your mom! it was a family bonding activity

----

rbs appreciated! tell me whatcha think <3

214 notes · View notes

punkshort · 10 months

Text

Chapter warnings: sexual tension, language, f masturbation, angst

Chapter Four

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

June 2003

The audit had been underway for roughly a week. You had volunteered, along with Colleen and Debbie, to work some overtime. The three of you and Heather blocked off a conference room on your floor for the next two weeks after hours, diligently working until about 8pm almost every night.

The audit was pretty standard. The auditors supplied a huge list of reports and documentation they wanted to review, and you spent most of your evenings working away on your assigned items. The evenings went by surprisingly fast, and it turned out to be kind of fun. You ordered in food to eat together while working. You got to know a lot more about your co-workers, finding you had much more in common than you thought. One evening, you and Debbie discovered she had grown up in a town only 20 minutes away from your hometown. Needless to say, you spent the rest of the night talking about favorite restaurants and mutual acquaintances.

One day, you were walking from the conference room, your grey ruffled skirt swishing around your knees, heading back towards your department. You were looking down at the paper in your hands, reminding yourself what files you needed to look for in the cabinet. Given the time of day, you were surprised when you ran headfirst into a hard wall of muscle as you rounded a corner, dropping the paper in your hand. It was almost 7pm, you hadn’t expected anyone else to be working.

Two large hands reached out and grabbed your shoulders to keep you steady. His scent hit you first, a comforting aroma of leather and citrus, and you knew it was Joel before you even looked up.

When your eyes met his, his face showed as much surprise as your own.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Miller. I didn’t expect anyone to be here this late,” you apologized, leaning forward to pick up the paper you dropped, but he held out a hand to stop you.

“My fault. Here, let me get that,” he said, bending down. “I wasn’t payin’ attention. What are you still doin’ here?”

He picked the sheet of paper off the ground, his face inches away from your bare calves, causing your throat to tighten. You shifted your weight, trying to subtly create more distance between you two. Joel turned his face towards you at the movement, eyes briefly flashing up and down your legs as he slowly straightened himself upright, towering over you. He held out the sheet of paper, which you took quickly, trying to hide the slight tremor in your hand.

You cleared your throat and glanced down at the paper. His eye contact was intense, it made you nervous and excited at the same time, and you found you fared better when you took a few moments to collect yourself by looking elsewhere.

“I volunteered to help with the audit," you explained. "A few of us have been working most evenings, I was just heading back to look up some files,” your eyes flicked over to the locked door, then settled back on him. His face was softer than usual, plush lips parted, and hands shoved in his pants pockets as he listened.

“I’ll come with you and carry 'em back, that looks like a long list.”

Before you could respond, he turned around and was punching his security code into the keypad. He opened the door and looked back at you.

“Are you coming?” he asked. Your cheeks flared at the direction your mind took with that question, scooting into the room as the door fell shut behind you. You walked by the printer and grabbed an empty cardboard box. Heading in the direction of your cube, you placed the box on the floor near your desk and began getting to work rifling through the file cabinet across the aisle.

Joel slowly trailed in after you, glancing around the room curiously, noting that you two were completely alone.

“I don’t make my way down here as much as I should.” Joel said, leaning against the wall of your cubical and crossing his arms. “Looks like you’ve settled in,” he added, eyeing up a few picture frames placed on your desk.

You looked over your shoulder, taking a moment to appreciate how strange it was to have him standing at your desk.

"Yep," you agreed, turning your attention back to the files, trying to work fast.

Joel leaned in a little closer to examine your photos, seemingly unaware of how distracted he was making you. He smugly noticed you didn't have any pictures of the Ken doll. He straightened back up, glancing down at your half-filled banker's box, then his eyes traveled over to the empty cubicle on the other side of the room.

"Did your boyfriend land on his feet?" he asked before he could stop himself. His eyes remained glued to the empty desk, unable to look you in the eye.

"I'm not sure, we broke up," you replied, distracted. Then the impact of his words hit you. "Wait, how did you know we were together?" You stopped sifting through files and turned towards him, waiting for his answer.

Joel shrugged and turned back around to face you, but only once he was able to wipe the stupid grin off his face at your admission.

"Wasn't hard to figure out, the way he'd look at you and couldn't keep his hands off you." Joel stated matter of factly. His heart was beating faster at the direction the conversation was headed, and he couldn't keep his mouth from turning up into a half smirk at how flustered he seemed to make you.

You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear nervously, shifting your eyes between him and the file cabinet, before giving the file cabinet your full attention again.

He noticed when Justin put his hand on your leg during that meeting.

"I'm sorry if that was inappropriate. He was only trying to calm me down." You kept your eyes down on the sheet of paper in front of you, looking at what was next on the list. He was your boss, and no matter what attraction you may have for him, you had to remind yourself this was a professional workplace.

Joel's face fell, and he immediately felt guilty. He hadn't meant to imply you had done anything wrong.

Why was he so bad at this?

"That's not what I meant, I..." he trailed off as your fingers stilled on the paper before you, intently listening but still not looking at him. "I just meant... shit, I don't know, I was just explainin’ how I knew, is all." He ran his fingers through his hair, getting frustrated with himself. His gaze fell on your pictures again.

"These your folks?" he asked you, pointing to one of the frames.

You turned to look at the pictures. You nodded and smiled warmly. His pulse began to return to normal: you were back on track.

"Yeah, those were taken at my graduation, so a bit old now. I should update those." You looked at them once more fondly, before turning back to the file cabinet.

"I gotta do that too," Joel murmured. "Change my pictures, that is. Tommy pointed it out the other day."

You smiled sweetly in his direction, making his heart flutter, and announced you were done. He bent forward to pick up the box of files. This time you were ready, and you made sure you had more room between you.

You held the door open for him as you both exited the room, back into the hallway. You passed Heather's closed office door, hearing her muffled voice as she talked on the phone.

Luckily, the conference room wasn't far. You opened the door, confused to just find Debbie still working. She did a double take when she saw Joel behind you holding a box. Debbie straightened up in her chair, gave a stiff greeting, and hunched back over her computer, trying to look busy.

"Where's Colleen?" you asked, sitting down in front of your laptop. Joel placed the box next to you on a chair, and you lifted your head up to smile your thanks to Joel, which he returned.

"Tommy asked for her help with something right after you left." She was responding to your question, but she was staring at Joel, stunned to see him smiling.

Suddenly, the conference room phone rang out shrilly. Debbie snatched it up. It was Heather, asking Debbie to come to her office to help her with something on her computer. Being a younger employee in the department meant you were the first line of defense against technical issues.

Debbie looked relieved as she got up to exit, but not before giving one more curious glance in Joel's direction as she left, shutting the door.

It was just the two of you again. He wandered over to the white board in the room and read over the list of tasks under each person's name. You wondered why he was still here, but you didn't want to draw attention to it. You stared down blankly at your computer, trying to think of something to say.

Fortunately, you didn't have to.

"Your friend seems jumpy," he stated, still turned towards the white board.

You grinned at his back. Surely, he was joking. Feeling a little more comfortable around him, you said sarcastically, "Yeah, I can't imagine why."

At that, Joel turned to look at you, genuine confusion painted across his face. You looked at him incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"

Joel shook his head and you let out a small huff of laughter.

"You do realize everyone is afraid of you?" you boldly asked.

The corners of Joel's mouth turned up slightly, and he cast his eyes down quickly, quirking an eyebrow, before meeting your gaze again.

"Not you," he said, ticking his jaw to the side.

You gave a breathy laugh at his response.

"Are you sure about that?" you teased.

You watched as his gaze slowly turned from playful to heated, sending your pulse racing and making your grin vanish. His smile faded away as he walked around the table towards you. Like an animal hunting its prey.

You parted your lips slightly to accommodate your need for more air, your chest rising faster. The tremor returned to your hands that were delicately placed over your keyboard. You kept your head facing forward towards your monitor, but your eyes were glued to him approaching you from the side.

Joel placed one large hand flat on the table next to your computer, inches from your own. He leaned down, hovering over you, as his other hand gripped the back of your chair. Your heart was beating so fast, you were beginning to feel lightheaded. Your quickened breath was making your lips dry, so you shot your tongue out to dampen them, keeping your head positioned straight in front of you.

Joel's gaze caught your tongue shooting out of your mouth, and his breath hitched. He closed his eyes for a few moments and inhaled the floral scent drifting up from your hair. He could feel himself getting hard at the tension filling the room.

"You don't gotta be scared of me, sweetheart. I don't bite," he said to you, his voice husky, barely above a whisper. "Well, that’s a lie. Sometimes I bite," he couldn't resist adding with a smirk.

You couldn't stop the gasp that left your mouth at his words. Your eyes fluttered shut as you tried to stabilize your breathing, and you squeezed your thighs together under the table. The way his voice sounded and the innuendo in his words was causing your panties to grow damp. You opened your eyes and turned your face up towards him, finally seeing the heat behind his stare and the tension in his jaw. The hand that rested on the back of your chair was gripped so tight, his knuckles were turning white. Like he was fighting to hold himself back.

You opened your mouth to say something, but words failed you. When you went to shut your mouth, you gently sunk your teeth into your lower lip. His eyes flicked towards the movement, his own lips parting, and released a shaky breath.

The door banged open suddenly, revealing Tommy with his arm loosely wrapped around Colleen’s waist, giggling as they entered the room. Joel jumped away from you, shoving his hands back in his pockets as you clamped your mouth shut ruefully.

They seemed just as surprised to see you both, but slower to untangle themselves.

“Hey there, brother, didn’t realize you were still here, too,” Tommy gave Joel a mischievous grin, looking back and forth between the two of you. He glanced at Colleen, who looked disheveled and was smiling playfully at him. “Up to no good?”

Joel huffed and headed towards the door, your heart sinking in your chest, disappointed the moment was over.

"I was down here lookin’ for Heather, she needed my input on somethin’, what’s your excuse?” he shot back.

Tommy grinned and looked back towards Colleen, who had sat down in front of her computer, still smiling at him like a fool.

"Uh, yeah, same, came down to see what the status was on the thing…” his thoughts drifted away as Colleen giggled at his response.

“You mean the audit?” said Joel dryly, trying to draw Tommy’s attention away from your friend.

“Yep! That’s it!” Tommy said, snapping his fingers and heading towards the door to join his brother. “We'll see you ladies later, be good now.” He winked in Colleen’s direction, which triggered another giggle from her.

Joel rolled his eyes and grabbed Tommy by the bicep, hauling him out of the room without giving you another glance.

The moment the door shut, you and Colleen whipped around to face each other, speaking at the same time.

"Joel?!"

"You've been dating Tommy?!"

Colleen grinned, with a dreamy look in her eye, answering first.

"Not exactly. We just hook up now and then."

You gave her a suspicious look.

"I'm not stupid," she continued. "I know he's done this with more than a few other girls who work here. It's just for fun, nothing serious."

You hummed thoughtfully, still in shock. You had no idea. Colleen must keep secrets better than you gave her credit for.

"Wait, what about you two? What was that all about?" Colleen asked. "Now it's starting to all make sense, no wonder he isn't tough on you! And - oh my god! Justin?! Did Joel force your boyfriend to quit so he could have you to himself?"

Your jaw dropped at her suggestion.

"No! Absolutely not! Nothing is going on between us," you could feel your cheeks heating up. It was technically true, nothing had happened. You just flirted a little bit, that didn't count. Right?

"I don't know, you both looked really cozy when we interrupted you just now." Colleen teased. "I've never seen him look that human before, I thought he just lived and breathed work." She laughed as she turned her attention back to her laptop, a silly grin still plastered on her face from her run-in with Tommy.

After speaking with Heather, Joel kept quiet until they were safely on the elevator heading back up to the 10th floor.

"What did I ask ya to do, Tommy? Stop screwin' all our employees, we are gonna get slapped with a lawsuit one day!" Joel wasn't sure what made him more furious - the fact Tommy ignored his request, or the fact that his moment with you was interrupted. The hypocrisy wasn't lost on him, but he knew your flirtatious relationship would only go that far. He was too old for you, and, considering your ex-boyfriend, he clearly was not your type. It was just harmless and playful, he told himself. Nothing more.

"Oh, spare me, Joel! I saw you two when we came in that room! I'm tired of your bullshit!" Tommy fired back, fists squeezed at his side.

Joel spun around, facing Tommy head on with his jaw clenched and pointing a finger in his brother's face.

"I ain't gonna say it again, there's nothin' goin' on. I was just helpin' her carry a box after I nearly ran her over. I'm not stupid enough to think she's interested in me, she's just bein' nice 'cause I'm her boss."

His words hung in the air for a moment, and Tommy relaxed after he processed what Joel had said. He leaned back against the elevator wall, crossed his arms, and nodded.

"Oh, I get it now."

Joel shook his head and turned back to face the doors, refusing to acknowledge Tommy's statement.

"Joel, I think you're wrong. If you want, I can ask Colleen-"

"No," Joel cut him off, his voice softer now, feeling guilty about his outburst. "No, just... just let it go," he begged.

The elevator opened and Joel walked briskly in the direction of his office. Tommy faltered for a moment, then decided to follow him. He cleared his throat to make his presence known, but Joel didn't seem to care. He picked up his leather jacket and cell phone, and shut down his computer, getting ready to leave for the day and still avoiding Tommy's gaze.

"Listen, brother, I'm not sure how that Amy got your head all twisted and made you think you don't deserve to be happy, but you do. Now I know what happened was fucked up, and I don't blame ya for being hung up on it, but it's been years." Tommy said calmly, trying his best to get through to him.

Joel stilled, staring down blankly at the cell phone in his hand. He averted his gaze out the window, trying to think of what to say.

"You gotta understand, what happened makes me want to avoid relationships in the office. I caught them in the copy room, for Christsake," he croaked out. Still avoiding Tommy's eyes, Joel brushed past him and back towards the elevator.

Tommy jogged back out to the lobby to keep up with his brother.

"Oh, shit, Joel, I'm sorry. That didn't even occur to me, no wonder you are so gung-ho about me leavin' the girls alone." They stood together, waiting for the elevator doors to reopen.

"Well, I don't wanna get hit with a lawsuit, either, but..." Joel trailed off as he entered the elevator again and pushed the button for the parking garage.

Tommy slapped his hand against the side of the elevator to keep the doors from closing, and finally Joel looked up to look his brother in the eye.

"I'll leave 'em alone, I promise. I thought you were just givin' me a hard time, I didn't think it through," Tommy relented. "You gonna be alright?"

Joel scoffed lightly, "Yeah, 'course. See ya tomorrow."

Tommy removed his hand and the elevator closed.

July 2003

The audit had been wrapped up for a week now, the rest of the time very uneventful compared to the night you discovered Colleen’s secret. The same night you and Joel had that charged moment in the conference room. Whenever your mind wasn’t occupied with something else, you found that your thoughts always drifted back to that night. You replayed it over in your head as much as you could remember, desperately trying to recall the exact tone of his voice and the feel of the heat rolling off his body as he hovered over you.

On more than one occasion, you found yourself thinking about that night before you fell asleep: your hand sliding down the front of your sleep shorts, a finger dipping into your entrance to collect the wetness pooled there as you thought about Joel caging you into your seat. You had been interrupted that night, but you liked to imagine what would have happened.

You pictured Joel grabbing you by your arms and pushing you up against the conference room wall, his hands roaming up and down your sides while your hands raked through his hair. He would run one of his hands around to cup your ass, while the other went up to squeeze your breast through your blouse. Joel’s mouth would latch onto your neck as you moaned his name, grinding your hips up to his, desperate for contact. In your fantasy, Joel would feverishly rip your panties off and sink into you slowly, stretching you out and groaning in your ear about how wet you were for him.

You have replayed this fantasy over a lot in the past couple weeks, as you would hastily circle your swollen clit while another finger probed inside you, moaning out into the darkness of your one-bedroom apartment, grateful you finally lived by yourself and no one could hear.

At first, seeing Joel in the office felt awkward, embarrassed by your actions in the privacy of your own home. It became such a regular occurrence, however, that the awkwardness eventually faded away.

In fact, during your department’s monthly meetings with him, you felt more at ease. It was a stark contrast to the way you felt in your first meeting. You stayed quiet, not wanting to draw attention again, especially because Colleen thought something was happening between you and Joel. The only sensational thing was if one of you caught the other looking in their direction, which was typically met with a secret smile or a playful glance.

Today was the July monthly meeting. You sat, bored, listening to Heather discuss in great detail the end result of the audit, only looking up when she gave kudos to you, Colleen, and Debbie for helping out after hours. You smiled at her in return, feeling Joel’s gaze on you. You had a feeling he was recounting that one evening you ran into each other. You resisted the urge to look in his direction, afraid you wouldn't be able to hide your reaction.

When Heather was done, she quickly added that she had found a suitable replacement for Justin – a guy named Kyle, who had come from a competitor and had 5 years of payroll experience. He was scheduled to start Monday, which the team universally looked grateful to hear. Picking up the extra workload the past couple months was getting old.

Joel stopped Heather as she began gathering her things at the end of the meeting.

"Remember to bring me last month’s numbers before 3:30 today, I'm offsite after that.”

Heather froze for a half a second, then said enthusiastically, “Absolutely, will do!”

Everyone filed out and waited for the elevator. You chanced a look over your shoulder when you heard Joel and Tommy leave the room. Joel was wearing black dress pants and a dark blue button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, which you greedily noticed had become the standard lately. His eyes immediately caught yours and gave you a quick wink as he headed back to his office. You could feel the tips of your ears getting hot and you had a stupid grin on your face. Luckily, no one seemed to notice the exchange as you climbed into the elevator and headed back down to the 6th floor.

Everyone was settling back into their cubicles when the keypad began pinging and the door swung open, revealing a worried looking Heather.

“I hate to ask, but can anyone please take these reports up to Joel’s office? I completely forgot I had promised him, and I just don’t have the time, I have a meeting with HR in 10 minutes to go over onboarding for Kyle, and it won’t be over by 3:30.”

The room remained completely silent, nobody wanting to offer up their head on the proverbial chopping block.

"I’ll do it,” you quietly piped up, much to everyone’s, including Heather’s, relief.

She handed you the file and briefed you on what information was inside in case Joel asked questions, and then quickly exited, on her way to HR.

Colleen grinned at you and whispered, “Why did I guess you would volunteer?”

You hushed her and once again confirmed you were not sleeping with the head of the company. She rolled her eyes.

"Don’t worry, I won’t say anything! I know that can be damaging, that’s why I didn’t tell you about you-know-who.” She winked at you and turned back to her computer, but not before whispering, “You better hurry, your boyfriend is waiting.”

For the second time, you found yourself face to face with Ruby Potter. Still ancient, and still had lipstick smeared on her front teeth. She seemed to recognize you, because this time she didn’t ask who you were here to see, she just said, “Go on in, dear, he’s free.”

You walked to his open office door and gently rapped your knuckles on the wood. He didn’t look up from his cell phone but motioned you to come and sit down. This time, you left the door open.

You sat down in the same chair as before and waited for him to acknowledge you. You took the time to glance over your shoulder at the cluster of picture frames he said he needed to update. You couldn’t really make out any of the faces, but you thought you saw Tommy in a few of them.

Joel set his cell phone down on his desk and finally looked up. The frown that seemed permanently etched on his face instantly eased when he saw it was you. You turned your head back and smiled warmly at him, which made him smile in return. You held out the folder in your hand.

"Heather was busy this afternoon and asked me to bring these up to you.”

He looked down at the folder, taking it and placing it carefully on the desk before him.

"Thank you, sweetheart... I'm glad she chose you," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

You could tell he felt uncomfortable after that, because his eyes were shifting all over the surface of his desk, looking anywhere but at you.

"I actually volunteered," you told him. He looked up at you then, not sure what to say. "You scare the rest of the department, remember?" you teased him.

You could tell his thoughts definitely traveled back to that evening in the conference room now by the way his gaze darkened, still fixed on you.

Nervous about where the conversation was going, you tried to change the mood. "Did you have any questions about the numbers, Mr. Milller?"

You did your best to sound professional, and you thought you had succeeded, but his gaze only became more heated.

"Please," he croaked out, "please call me Joel."

He sounded like he could barely say the words, like he was drowning and it was all he could get out. His face looked borderline pained as he pinned you with his stare.

"Ok... Joel," you whispered heavily. At the sound of his name, his eyes fluttered shut for a few moments, as if to savor it.

You pressed your knees together again, knowing for sure now that the attraction was not just one sided. And you think he knew it, too.

Joel opened his eyes, taking you in from across the desk. You sat there, so pretty, and looking at him expectantly with those beautiful eyes. You had asked him a question, but neither of you were worried about the answer. He could see it now, the way you looked at him and said his name. He knew he had to do this right.

He cleared his throat and opened the folder, his gaze dropping to the reports in front of him. He pretended to read them but in reality, he was watching you in his peripheral. You shifted in your seat as you waited for him to acknowledge you again. He had to make sure you didn't leave here thinking the attraction wasn't mutual. He couldn't act on it yet, he needed time to think, when his head was clear.

Joel looked up at you after he pretended to review the reports. "No questions, sweetheart. Thank you... for volunteerin'. Made my day."

You felt the blush spreading across your cheeks. You stood and thanked him, heading towards the door.

When you reached the exit, you turned around and said, "Have a nice weekend... Joel." And disappeared back into the lobby.

Joel sat there, staring at the empty doorframe, replaying the way you said his name over and over in his head.

"Fuck," he muttered. He got up and headed to his bathroom.

Chapter Five

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