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chaoticchickadee · 1 year

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Padmé and the Wonderful, Fantastic, Excellent, Very Good Hair Day

So I either never posted this or it got lost to the void, but now that I’m re-vamping my masterlist and fixing the links I figured I’d rectify that.

"Sabé shared her observations with the other handmaidens, and they decided they would try to ease Padmé’s discomfort, at least as much as they could. Eager to find a solution, they put their heads together and did what they do best-- scheme."

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Padmé hadn’t expected how exhausting wearing the Queen’s headdresses all day could be. Sure, she’d known during her candidacy that they were heavy and hard to balance, but knowing and experiencing were two different things. Rabé did her best to make them as comfortable as possible, but even with the braids and the styling gel her hair was a mess by evening. It was unimportant, really, but Padmé missed the feeling of her long, tightly-curled locks flowing freely all day, not just in the evenings before bed. Still, Padmé would gladly suffer frizzy and unkempt hair for the rest of her life if it meant she could make a difference as Naboo’s Queen.

Sabé had noticed Padmé staring at her, and it hadn’t taken long to figure out why. It wasn’t her that Padmé was staring at, but her hair . Padmé had lamented what the royal headdresses had done to her beautiful hair many times, and while it was said in a light-hearted, joking manner, there was a little bit of truth to it. Padmé had gotten very good at hiding her tells and insecurities, but Sabé would always be able to read her. She shared her observations with the other handmaidens, and they decided they would try to ease Padmé’s discomfort, at least as much as they could. Eager to find a solution, they put their heads together and did what they do best-- scheme.

It was a long day in the court, and all Padmé wanted to do was flop onto her bed and not move for at least three days. Her handmaidens were suspiciously quiet on the walk from the throne room to the royal apartments, but Padmé was secretly grateful for it. She didn’t think she had enough energy to walk in the elaborate wardrobe of the Queen and hold a conversation at the same time. Soon, they arrived at the apartments, and Eirtaé quietly opened the door. Once inside, the handmaidens quickly stripped her of the gown. As soon as it was off, Padmé sat on the stool in the center of the common room, and they began working on her paint while Rabé took her place behind her to work on her hair. Padmé sighed when she felt the headdress being lifted off of her, relaxing further when Rabé’s gentle fingers began undoing her braids. Instead of putting her hair into a loose braid for the night, Rabé accepted a bowl from Saché and began working some sort of goop into her hair. Padmé sent a questioning glance towards Saché but didn’t press any further when she didn’t get an answer. She closed her eyes as Rabé massaged her scalp, relishing in the simple pleasure of being cared for by her friends.

When she was done, Rabé twisted Padmé’s hair up and secured it with a clip. After quietly instructing Padmé to rinse it out after ten minutes, the girls settled down to read and unwind, as was their nightly routine. They talked about a variety of subjects, from the latest palace gossip to speculating how many heart attacks they’d given Captain Panaka that day. It was Padmé’s favorite part of her day, relaxing with her friends and chatting about nothing and everything, enjoying being in each other's company. Padmé dutifully excused herself after ten minutes to rinse her hair and clean up. She lingered a little longer than strictly necessary, tension bleeding from her body under the warm spray.

Shutting off the water, Padmé stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She ran a brush through her hair once more, surprised by the lack of any difficult tangles. Her hair felt uncharacteristically smooth and soft when she went to braid it. Whatever Rabé had put into her hair, it had worked wonders. Padmé spent a minute staring at herself in the mirror, petting her hair in awe. She shook her head and started to braid, but she was still unable to wipe the goofy grin off of her face.

As much as she loved her work as Queen, Padmé was grateful for the quiet day. For once, there were no meetings she needed to attend or appearances Amidala needed to make, so she didn’t bother to put on the Queen’s regalia. Officially, Queen Amidala would be spending the day in her quarters reviewing documents while her handmaidens were out running errands in the city. If, perhaps, there was so much that needed to be done that it required all of the girls, including the young page Padmé, well, who were they to shirk their duties? Surprisingly, it hadn’t taken much to convince Captain Panaka to allow the excursion. He seemed a little more at ease with their adventures now that they kept him in the loop for some of their schemes.

They’d opted against hoods for the day, as they were less likely to be recognized when they weren’t near the Queen. The central market of Theed was already bustling by the time the girls arrived at about noon. They’d meant to get there earlier, but decided to indulge themselves in their morning routine, taking time to do their hair in fun, elaborate hairstyles and go a little crazy with their makeup. Their morning was full of giggles and goofing off. It was a rare opportunity for them to be just teenage girls, not a head of state and her terrifyingly competent handmaidens. For the first time since her election, Padmé was out in public without the royal wardrobe. She hadn’t realized she missed the common, everyday activities of normal life until now. Being able to effortlessly move through the crowd without so much as a second glance was now foreign, but Padmé was grateful for it.

The girls wandered from stall to stall, eyeing the merchandise and occasionally making a purchase. Yané snagged a beautiful pair of night pearl earrings from an up and coming artisan, using most of her allowance for the day. They all teased her about using her money on one thing, but they really were a beautiful pair of earrings, well worth the price. None of the items for sale had really interested Padmé, so she used her share to buy them all a modest but tasty lunch after a few hours of meandering around the market.

Almost every time the girls approached a stall, patrons and vendors complimented Padmé’s hair, peppering her with questions about her hair care routine or tricks for styling it. Padmé deferred most of the questions to Rabé, reeling at the attention she drew. She’d gotten used to being in the public’s eye when she began her candidacy, but that had been as Amidala. It was new to draw the attention of passersby as just Padmé, but she enjoyed it much more. It felt more authentic, which in turn made her feel even more connected to the public and her people, even if they weren’t aware they were speaking to the Queen.

Once the entire market had been combed through, the girls headed back to the palace. The sun had started to set, and the girls could feel the excitement of the day catching up to them. When they’d gotten far enough away from the market that the streets were practically deserted, Padmé finally asked the question that had been on her mind all day. “So, how long were you planning my unusually good hair day?” The handmaidens stopped and looked at each other, silently discussing the best way to answer. When an explanation and a speaker was chosen, they turned back to Padmé with easy grins on their faces. “Not long. A few weeks ago I noticed you staring wistfully at me.” A couple of giggles interrupted, but quickly settled. “Once I realized you were staring at my hair , I told the others and we concocted a plan. Once we had the supplies, we just had to wait for a time we could get you out without being Amidala,” Sabé finished. Her rundown was clinical and professional, but Padmé could hear the affection in her voice. Saché piped up next, “You have a lot on your plate , we just wanted to do something nice for you.” Padmé’s heart melted at their words and the care in their eyes. She drew them into a hug, not caring how sappy and public it was. “I didn’t expect to get close to you all, but I’m so glad I did. You’re the best friends I could ever ask for, thank you.” She said. Though her words were a bit muffled, they all heard her loud and clear. “We’re glad to have you too,” Eirtaé responded. “Even if it means I won’t be the youngest accomplished engineer of Naboo.” She added. They laughed at her quip as they broke away from the hug. “It’s getting late, we should get back to the palace soon or Panaka will send out a search patrol,” Yané sighed. They all hummed their agreement and turned to start walking again. Padmé cautiously linked her arm with Rabé, and the rest of the group enthusiastically followed suit. With their arms linked and smiles on their faces, they continued their trek back to the palace.

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galacticwildfire · 2 years

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Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Two

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

Word count: 6k

Tags/warnings: some angst, mostly fluff, a bit of darth maul

A/N: enjoy the fluff while it lasts because my god will there be angst. Also this is one of my favourite star wars chapters I've ever written

Obi-Wan and I stand outside the ship, watching the sand storm in the distance as it becomes clear to us this won't be just a quick stop.

"Follow after them," I tell Panaka and for once we're in agreement. "The rest of the crew will be safe with me, but I need to know she's safe."

"At once," he says and leaves to track them down, leaving Obi-Wan and I in charge.

I know it's raised questions in his mind why I'd send the queens guard after a handmaiden but he isn't an idiot, he knows there's reasons why a young queen has a selection of nearly identical handmaidens.

"Well, this is definitely going to slow them down," he comments while I nod.

"She better be careful," I find myself muttering and sigh "I trust her, but still."

"Still you worry," he finishes. "That's understandable. Let me guess, Padme is your sister and the queen inside is a decoy?"

Considering he's in charge of her safety as much as I am I nod. "Yes. That's right."

"It's smart," he appreciates. "So the queen is with my master then." I nod again and he assures me. "She is safe with him."

"I know, but I don't trust him to be able to keep her from doing anything risky, which is why I've sent Panaka. She'll listen to him."

"By risky you mean anything you'd do?"

That brings a shadow of a smile to my face. "Precisely."

I look at him and see a shadow of one on his face as well now we've called a truce and curse myself a little for actually liking him, I will give it to him that it's been a long time since someone's held their own with me in an argument and not despised me afterwards. It's an unfortunate past time for me arguing over ideology.

But that isn't why I like him, no, it's something deeper than a mere respect, perhaps an appreciation for his company during this anxiety.

It's then I hear Rabe call for me "A transmission from home!"

Obi-Wan and I share a look before heading back inside the ship where Sabe takes the transmission and I brace myself as an advisor appears.

"The death toll is catastrophic," Padme's advisor tells us in a hologram. "We must bow to their wishes. You must contact me."

"No," I immediately say switching it off. "He's a captive, we can't trust him now."

"She's right it's a trick," Obi-Wan agrees. "Send no reply. Send no transmissions of any kind."

"They'll only use it to reverse the signal to find our location," I say and he nods in agreement as I order the crew "Ensure there is no way they can intercept a location from the ship."

"Yes my lady," they immediately say but Obi-Wan isn't finished.

"Obi-Wan?" I ask as he leaves the room and follow him into the cockpit. "Obi-Wan?"

"I'm contacting Qui-Gon," he tells me, bringing this to his masters attention. "Master Qui-Gon, there's been a transmission from one of the Queen's advisors begging the queen to bow to the Trade Federation's wishes and contact them."

"It sounds like bait to establish a connection trace," he says, agreeing with what Obi-Wan and I believe.

Obi-Wan looks to me as he apologetically asks "But what if it is true, and people are dying?"

"Then those decisions fall to me," I tell him with a weight on my shoulders since Padme isn't here. "All we can do is wait for them to return so we can get off this rock and appeal to the Senate."

If it were up to me I would have acted the moment they first threatened us as her advisor for military matters, except there is no military despite my urging of Padme to begin expanding the security force. If we had a military I'd storm the city and wipe out the Trade Federation but that's not the Naboo way, it's not how Padme was raised. It was how I was raised. With Mace Windu over my shoulder, being my masters master.

"Either way we're running out of time," Qui Gon tells us before cutting the connection and we share a heavy look.

"I'm sorry this has happened to you and your people," Obi-Wan tells me, and he genuinely does mean it, he wants to help as much as I do.

"The trouble with being a pacifist planet with no military is this," I tell him and remember "Mace Windu trained my master and took a liking to me because I suppose I was more like him than the others, I had his urge for action over inaction, the only issue was I took that too far." He takes my words in and treats them with concern. "He'd be useful now."

"Mace Windu is an oddity that much is for sure," he agrees, the purple lightsaber being the least of it. "But have faith in Qui-Gon."

"I do," I assure Obi-Wan as we head back into the room with the generator, empty of handmaidens and security, just us. "I don't know how many diplomatic missions I accompanied Master Billaba on and yet I'm useless when I find myself in the middle of my own. Panaka and the rest don't respect my council, they know Padme just appointed me that so I'd feel some purpose."

"You do have purpose," he says and upon seeing the look on my face insists. "You do."

"Whatever purpose I had I gave it up when I was just fourteen," I tell him and he's quiet as I sigh and finally admit the truth. "Five years ago I was Padme's age. I knew I didn't fit in how I should, so I'd look to Qui-Gon and Mace Windu to convince myself I had a place there, but that's the thing, they took me when I was still old enough that I could remember a different life."

He nods in understanding and confides as he may have before if I hadn't jumped to arguing for the sake of it. "I've tried to hold onto my own memories, they slip away with age but there's still fragments, my mothers shawl, my fathers hands." Emotion creeps into his voice. "I think I had a baby brother."

The way his voice wavers with vulnerability exposes my own. "I have an older sister, Sola. She's only a year older than me, we were inseperable, and Padme well, she was just a baby when they came for me."

He looks confused "But it's Republic regulation to test children upon birth for force sensitivity?"

"Somehow I slipped through the cracks," I find myself saying but remember "Now I think about it all those off world relief missions my father would take me on as a child may have been for a reason. He was the one who fought against me being taken after all so maybe they did come when I was younger when I wasn't there. I mean, what better excuse is there to give than the potential Jedi is away helping those in need? Perhaps whoever they sent thought it could only benefit me and decided to come back in a year."

"It is a reasonable answer," he says, seeming surprised almost but I can't pinpoint why.

"I had just turned six when they came and tested the family, Sola was normal, Padme- I think she might have been a little higher than normal but whatever I am it's enough that they told me they couldn't wait any longer and that I had to go with them and my mother happily agreed." A tear slips from the corner of my eye despite my best efforts and I don't wipe it away. "I didn't understand, she just stood there with my father as my sister cried and I was screaming. It was actually Master Windu who took me and well, you can imagine he wasn't gentle with the dressing down he gave me about my emotions." I realise my hands are trembling slightly as I grip the flowing fabric of my jumpsuit, red and gold like the royal colours of Naboo but with none of the extravagance, a halter around my neck with a fitted waist and a flowing bottom. I cling to the feeling of the fabric, to ground myself as I was taught and look up at the ceiling as I ramble. "I know it sounds pathetic, all of the Jedi were taken from their families but for some reason it was something I could never get over."

I'm jolted out of my daze by the touch of his hand on my cheek, wiping away that single tear and the touch is so foreign, to be comforted. "It's okay Rhea," he says gently. "You don't need to explain."

I let out a tearful laugh as I reach up to touch his hand, grasping it tight for some sort of stability before pulling it away from my face, still unable to be contented with being comforted. "You can see why I never made it as a Jedi now can't you?"

He shakes his head. "You can't blame yourself for loving your family, it's only human. Master Qui-Gon tells me that it's not as if we aren't allowed to have these feelings whatever they may be, but that it's our responsibility to let them go instead of holding on."

I look at him finding a new middle ground, realising perhaps Qui Gon's led his interpretation of the code to something more human than I'd first observed.

"I wish all Jedi thought as you and Qui-Gon did," I admit to him. "If they did perhaps I would have come here with you as an ambassador instead of as an escapee."

My eyes meet his and I realise my hands been touching his for far too long and release it, not knowing what to do with how that makes me feel as he tells me "You might not be a part of the order, but that doesn't change what you are."

I give him the same kind smile he gives me and my eye catches the glint of his saber. "I do miss it, my saber."

He raises a curious eyebrow "What form did you study?"

"My master insisted on III but I preferred form V."

He's almost amused. "Of course you would."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I laugh.

"It's a form built on dominating your opponent," he says and remarks "If that isn't you in a nutshell."

I want to try to refute his assessment but it's accurate. "Well, you aren't wrong. I was top of my class at a young age with saber skills, I remember Master Dooku even paying special attention to me but he'd left the order by the time I was old enough to become a padawan and so Master Billaba took me on. I worked on my form but it was Master Windu of all people who saw the emotions in me and gave her permission to teach me VII."

"Seven?" he exclaims, truly scandalised now. "That's seen as taboo by the council, forbidden even."

There's a troublesome glint in my smile. "Exactly, but under certain circumstances they'll allow it. It was Master Windu who invented Vaapad and taught it to my master and she taught it to me with his permission. My masters believed my passion only fueled my strength because for me there was no darkness since it didn't come from a place of fear, but justice."

"Passion?" he repeats, and I know that would be a rare word for Jedi like him.

"Yes, the forbidden fruit," I say, tasting the words with a dramatic touch to my voice. "Oh such a dangerous thing passion, oh no Obi-Wan Kenobi don't dare speak the word or else you'll turn Sith!"

He can't help but laugh and so do I, smiling as I lean back against the broken hyperdrive generator, feeling a kinship I haven't felt since I left the order.

"That is one thing Master Qui-Gon does not discourage," he suddenly tells me. "Passion."

"Really?" I ask and keeping it light inquire "So, does that mean you've explored forbidden attachments."

From the way his cheeks redden and his eyes sadden I have my answer. "When I was a lot younger and a lot less wiser."

He'd be in his early twenties but Jedi always do grow up too fast and become consumed with grief far too young. I know many padawans would play kissing games and such, but have an inkling that what he's referring to isn't anything like that.

"Are they alive?" I ask, treading carefully, feeling the energy change between us.

He gives a stiff nod. "Yes, that's what I was assigned to do, keep her alive." Now it's him who struggles with words and hesitates before telling me. "For a year I was with her, protecting her, but I never acted on what I felt until the mission came to an end."

I'm quiet, his forbidden attachment wasn't playful or even sexual, it was something far deeper.

"You loved her," I realise and he looks away, I don't press further. "It seems I mistook you, because you would know the struggles between love and duty better than I ever could."

I see him realise that he does, perhaps more than he ever admitted to himself before.

"It was a long time ago."

I nod, taking the burden of conversation off of him, finding myself able to speak with more ease with him than anyone I've ever known despite this short time in each other's company.

"I've never been in love despite all my concerns about attachment," I confide in him, finding irony that I raise such issues when I've never had to deal with them as he has. "I've certainly never been loved either."

His eyes meet mine and it's as if he can read my feelings "But you want to be."

"Who doesn't?" I reply quietly. "If you had the chance to love again wouldn't you take it? Code and duty aside of course."

I watch him ponder that question and he's conflicted "I wouldn't want to suffer that loss again."

"To love without fear, that's what I desire," I tell him, realising in my heart just how alone I've been for so long. "I'm willing to take whatever grief may come, if only to be loved."

Here we are, two Jedi, discussing the most forbidden thing we possibly can.

Love.

Before either of us can dig this hole any deeper I feel my transmitter going off and it jolts me back to the situation at hand.

"That will be Padme," I say, her call breaking the tension. "Excuse me."

I find myself breathless as I leave the room to enter the empty hallway, and feel hot tears on my cheeks as I'm overwhelmed by the loneliness I've been suppressing for so long without even realising it.

How can I object to the Jedi's code of attachment when I've never even been in love? And yet here is Obi-Wan, carrying this weight in his heart that I could never understand and still obeying the code completely.

"Rhea?" I hear her asking and sniffle, wiping the tears away as he did before.

"I'm here," I say and force a smile, even though she cannot see me. "How are you?"

"Safe," she answers. "A boy has given us shelter from the storm, he's quite nice, the people here are welcoming, even if they are slaves."

She's always had a heart so big, and so did I once.

"I'm glad you are safe," I tell her. "Everything is fine here."

"You don't sound fine," she replies and asks "What's wrong?"

"The past always finds a way of coming back Padme, know that," I tell her and breathe, knowing even if I've never been loved in the way I crave that I have her and Sola. "I love you more than life, you know that."

"Of course I know that," she promises me. "I love you too."

Tears continue wetting my face. "I'll see you when you get back, okay?"

"Okay."

The communication ends and I'm crying, desperate to protect her and Sola, not out of fear of losing them, but just wanting to make everything okay for her so she never feels what I do. So she never has to know what it is to be thrown away and discarded, by your family, by the people who raised you, only to grow up and find that it was all for nothing.

Because despite everything, I'm still alone inside.

It's late when Obi-Wan finds me outside, watching the setting Tatooine suns in contemplation, feeling the force more strongly than I have in years.

"It's a sight isn't it," he remarks, but I can hear the worry in his voice.

"It is."

I feel his hand on my arm, his voice gentle. "You should come inside, it gets cold at night here."

"Not colder than space," I reply, taking a moment just to stand there with him, with another person who understands the conflict in my mind. "I'm glad I've met you Obi-Wan."

"And I you," he says and I look back at him, immediately feeling a sense of comfort. "It looks like we'll get to know each other better than we planned, this plan they've cooked up means we'll likely be here for a while longer."

"Do I even want to know?" I ask him and he sighs.

"It involves a child and podracing."

I laugh at the ridiculousness of it, deciding I don't want to know. "That's all I need to hear."

He notices the goosebumps on my arms, clothes designed for weather on Naboo, for training in the sun, not for places like this and takes his cloak, wrapping it around my shoulders. The familiar feeling of a Jedi's cloak is oddly comforting, although I suspect it is only because it's his.

His hand lingers on my arm, neither of us go to remove it as we look back towards the setting suns and I say "No matter how ugly a planet's society may be, or how corrupt, there's always beauty no matter what,and I'd rather stand here watching setting suns a thousand time's over and feel peace then dwell on fear and all that horridness."

I can hear the tragedy in my own words, at how with age I've become more of a Jedi than I ever intended, and he can feel it too. "

"You can feel it here can't you?" he asks, that peace. "The force."

My smile comes naturally to me. "The force as it should be. No rules or order. Just being. Just living with it and feeling it. How it should be." But there's also something else and I look in the direction Padme and Qui-Gon went. "But there's something strange here, you can feel it can't you?"

"I can, and so can Qui Gon," he tells me, it's then his transponder beeps and his hand slides up and down over the fabric covering my cold arm as he looks and answers it. "Master?"

"I need an analysis of this blood sample I'm sending you," Qui Gon says and we share a confused look before heading back on board the ship.

"Wait a minute," Obi-Wan says as we return to the empty cockpit to receive the transmission and I sit beside him, his cloak still wrapped around me.

"I need a midichlorian count," Qui Gon tells us and my stomach sinks with a sick feeling. He's found a child, but it's forgotten the moment I look at Obi-Wan's screen.

"Is that real?" I exclaim as the results come through.

"It's off the charts?" Obi-Wan says in equal disbelief. "Over 20 000. Even Master Yoda doesn't have a midichlorian count that high."

I'm speechless, the two of us sharing a look as Qui Gon says "No Jedi has."

"That- that's impossible," I stammer.

"What does it mean?" Obi-Wan asks Qui Gon.

"I'm not sure," he answers and trails off. "I'll check in with you soon."

The connection ends and Obi-Wan and I stare at the screen, then look at each other as if making sure it's real, and no matter how many times he runs the test it's the same result.

"So," I finally say. "It seems Qui-Gon found that strange something in the force."

"That he has," he agrees and we share an alarmed look, not even able to imagine what this will mean and gets out a device to test it. "Let's test ours to make sure it's not a system error."

I nod in agreement and he takes samples from us both to run and I'm actually curious to see what mine is, the results come back almost immediately. Obi-Wan and I's count is within a few hundred of each other, his 13000 and mine 13800, higher than some masters but nothing exceptional, it's only a guide for raw ability. Skill and force mastery as we're constantly reminded are far more important than that count.

Obi-Wan's may be lower than mine but with a decade more of proper training I have no doubts he'd best me in a fight using the force. I would win hand to hand with a saber, I know damn well I always surpassed even the best students in my training, but the force is something else.

"So, it works," I say, us coming to terms with the fact Qui-Gon has found the most powerful child known to the Jedi Order. "I think Master Yoda's going to finally die when he hears this."

He nods in agreement, equally stunned. "I don't know how my master always gets into these situations."

"I dare say it's no coincidence we landed here," I realise. "It does seems we may be here for a long while yet."

He nods, coming to that possibility too and I sigh, pulling his cloak tighter around me as I stand and he asks "Where are you going?"

"Outside," I tell him, not wanting to stay cooped up in the ship. "I want to look at the sky." He hesitates and I coax "Come on."

He follows me outside and I look up, having rarely seen any night skies but Naboo's or Coruscants, and finding it almost as beautiful as the twin suns.

"One thing about our galaxy is every planets sky is always different, some barren and others filled with more than our minds could ever comprehend," I begin and tell him "It's where I often feel the force most and remind myself it is in everything, every star and planet in the sky and all the space in between."

He comes to stand by my side and admits. "With all the rules I tend to forget the force is more than just the code."

I smile to myself, us finally on the same page. "It's something I only truly discovered after I left the order, when I had to search for it in every living thing to find it instead of being reminded of it every waking moment." He's looking at me as I look at the night sky. "I find I only truly understand it when I realise it isn't meant to be understood, but felt."

His face is drawn in contemplation and I wander forward from the ship to bask in it, finding myself one in it and extend my hand to him "Come on."

He comes to me and takes my hand, letting me guide it up towards the stars. "Tell me that meditation could ever make you feel as one with the force as when you just let yourself feel instead of focusing on the absence of feeling."

Our entire lives we've been trained to feel the force through the absence of all other emotions, to feel only nothing, instead of feeling everything without blocking anything out, and I watch as he lets himself finally feel all of it.

"Luminous beings," he begins and I feel a change within him. "It's what Qui-Gon once told me we are, it's easy to forget it."

"It is," I admit, his hand now in mine and only now consumed by the force do I feel something else, a white light between us. "And just like finding that boy, I do believe things happen for a reason. Leaving the order, finding you and ending up stranded here." I have to believe it, despite how my mind likes to fight with my instincts. "I forget it, I get angry and hostile and forget everything I've ever been taught but somehow on quiet nights looking up at the galaxy I manage to find it."

All this time I've been lost, but finally I feel as if with him coming into my life I'm being pulled by the force in his direction, and I trust it.

He squeezes my hand and I finally look at him, finding galaxies in his eyes. A man I fought so fervently with, all for the sake of letting my hatred loose, and now finding little of that left in my heart.

I feel drunk on starlight now as I finally stop fighting my mind and let myself feel, pulling him down to the ground with me where we lay on our backs side by side to take it all in.

"Do you feel it?" I ask him, the strangeness that we've both felt, not just in a boy miles away, but in the space between us.

I don't need to clarify just what it is I feel as he confirms "I feel it too."

He's the one now who guides my hand having studied the star maps, pointing out the distant star systems and nearer moons, both of us smiling and laughing into the night, our hearts lighter than I knew they could ever be. My own having never felt such pure peace in its nineteen years.

I look over at him as he explains something about the moons orbital cycle and find myself more entranced by him as I study his face in the moonlight, I don't know for just how long I do so until he turns his head towards me and whatever words he's saying are forgotten when he catches my eye and I feel my breath hitch.

For just a moment I see a flash of something in his eyes, a hesitation, both of us knowing in the back of our minds this is everything we were always cautioned against, but it disappears with the feeling of the force and I see him let himself feel it, all of it, instead of trying to focus on the absence of emotion.

All I know as I look into his eyes is that this is that forbidden fruit, utterly unexpected and yet almost as if it has to be the will of the force in how we came to meet and unlike how I was told it would feel. There's no fear, no pain, nothing of the sort.

Only light.

The suns have risen as I stir awake and find my head resting on something unfamiliar and open my eyes to find my head resting on his shoulder, slowly feeling his arm around me and feel the weight of his cloak draped over us, not remembering quite how we ended up like this but vaguely remembering something about being cold.

"Obi-Wan?" I murmur, and feel his hand smoothing over my hair. "What time is it?"

"Morning," he answers from the light that hits us, sounding like he's not long woken up himself. "It seems we dozed off."

I laugh softly. "No shit."

His hand is touching my cheek as I look up at him, a gentle smile on my face that quickly disappears the moment we realise just how wrong this is despite how right it feels and I suddenly go to sit up, sand falling out of my hair and he has to help me up as I twice at my stiff muscles.

"Up you get, there you go," he says with a hand on my back and we're both laughing quietly to try to ease the tension that is utterly different to how it was when we got on that ship. "Sleep well?"

"Better than I have in days," I answer truthfully, it being the first night I haven't laid awake in either frustration or fear. "And thankfully the world hasn't fallen apart while I did."

"Don't say that too soon," he cautions. "Our lives are depending on a nine year old with a podracer."

"Don't remind me," I say having to laugh from the ridiculousness of it. "Oh Obi-Wan, we are in quite the mess aren't we."

"That we are," he says, but it's with the accidental brush of his fingers along my spine I'm blushing and he looks around as if just remembering where we are. "But it seems we got the easier part of the mission, guarding the ship."

It's then I can feel something on the tip of my tongue. "Obi-Wan, Obi- Ben? Old Ben Kenobi!" I yell out in sudden realisation. "I do remember!"

"Oh no," he groans. "Masters nickname for me when I was younger."

I'm laughing as I finally realise why I couldn't place him despite knowing Qui-Gon. "Oh now I remember Master Qui Gon mentioning you, he kept calling you old Ben- I truly thought he meant an old man not you."

"Because he said I had the soul of a old man," I'm almost crying from laughter, still half asleep. "It's not funny!"

"It really is because it's true," I laugh and he laughs with me as I reach out to touch his face after having spent the night looking into those bright eyes. "You are an old soul Ben Kenobi, but a beautiful one of that." At the colour that comes to his face I give him a thoughtless peck on the cheek and I get to my feet, a little dizzy, but happy. "Now we better actually check the ship's still intact."

I grab his hand to pull him to his feet and we walk through the ship with a newfound ease with one another, finding the pilots and security also at ease and the handmaidens giggling like the fourteen year old girls they should be, and I'm wondering from the looks they share as I walk past if they caught me outside with him.

"See, we're still flying half a ship," he says as we look around, everything in order.

"Except it's not flying that's the problem," I remind him and we head back outside to check everything out there is alright, no Tuskan Raiders creeping up on us.

I smile up at the suns kissing my face, feeling Obi-Wan slide his cloak off my shoulder's so I can feel the sun on my skin and smile up them as I bathe in it.

"Oh that is beautiful," I smile, craving the warmth it gives me and know I truly was built for Naboo's weath.

"It's not the only thing," he murmurs as if he half expected the words to remain in his head and I can't help the smile on my face as I look at him, standing there and looking at me in a way I can only call awe.

"Is that so?"

"You're made for the sun," he tells me and after a moment of contemplation continues. "Tan skin, dark hair and those big brown eyes of yours, you look as if you could bathe in it forever and you'd only grow richer from it."

His words leave me speechless and I manage to get out "I didn't realise you were so poetic Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"And I didn't realise Rhea Naberrie was well, you."

"Me?" I question, suddenly confused and he elaborates.

"You aren't the only one who remembered some things, I remember the fuss now when you left,' he reveals, finally having placed me just as I've placed him. "They called you reckless and even dangerous but looking at you now, you couldn't be further from that."

"Reckless or dangerous?" I tease but the look in his eyes makes my breath catch in my throat.

"Well you might be a little reckless, certainly a whole lot of trouble but not dangerous," he tells me, and he might be the first person, or at least the first Jedi, who has looked at me and seen what I never could. "I have no doubt you'd be deadly in a fight, you're a Jedi after all, but there's no darkness, none of that, just light."

Now I am truly speechless, especially so as he extends his saber to me and I look up at him "Obi-Wan..."

"Go on," he says with a warm smile. "I know you miss it."

He places his saber in my hands, a sign of trust, and the rush that goes through me as I ignite it brings tears to my eyes and I smile at the blue light, and at him.

"I do- I do miss it," I breathe, feeling it in my soul. "I truly do miss it."

"Then perhaps there's a way," he proposes and there he is, a light I never expected. "A way you could become a Jedi again."

Hope.

And something in me causes me to throw my arms around his neck, on the tips of my toes to reach, the saber in my hand hope materialised. When I pull back to look at him I can feel the space around us slow, his touch almost overwhelming as he holds my cheek, as my hand wraps around the back of his neck, and I realise what it is to be lost in someone's eyes.

It's in that very moment as the light is so blinding I can't feel anything else and as I search his eyes I realise just what it is I've been searching for since leaving the order, and it's right in front of me. Whether it's him, or the force, or something else. It's going to be with him.

"Rhea," he begins as we become aware of this strange feeling between us until he looks past me, feeling it just before I do.

"What is it?" I ask him, unable to determine it myself.

"I'm not sure," he answers. "But it's something strange." He looks at me before removing my hand from the back of his neck only to take it in his own. "Come on, let's find out what it is."

Quietly we make our way through the desert, the force calling us over to the horizon and we trek until we find a cave that looks unsuspecting enough but still he draws his saber and discreetly puts himself in front of me.

We expect something, anything, but when we enter we find it utterly empty, which confuses us both as we walk through it.

It's only when Obi-Wan stops I realise he's in pain.

"Obi-Wan?"

"I feel grief," he tells me as he walks through it. "Agony."

"I- I don't feel any of that," I say quietly, seeing only the light that breaks through the holes in the roof. "I just feel... relief, the type of relief that makes you want to cry, I-"

I find myself lost for words as I put a hand over my heart at the emotions that come to me, stronger than anything I've ever felt or knew I could feel, even if it's relief it's accompanied by agony just the same.

He looks back at me and I realise he's feeling it too as he reaches for his own heart.

"Obi-" I begin as I step forward as he grimaces. "Obi-Wan."

"I'm alright," he tries to insist but we both know he's not. "It's just- I've never felt anything like this."

"Neither have I," I say and reach for his hand with the need to hold onto something for stability.

"Are you alright?" he asks me as if he doesn't look as if he's about to collapse under the weight of the agony he feels. "Rhea?"

"I'm fine," I assure him, faring better than he is at least and see him looking around the cave with a pure dread. "Obi-Wan?"

He shakes his head and I hold onto him as begins "This..." he trails off unable to find the words.

"What is this?" I find myself whispering, the emotions I feel, I wish I could say they weren't my own but I know somehow that they are.

"I don't know but I don't like it," he answers shortly and grasps my hand tight in his. "We're leaving."

I don't argue with him as we leave the cave behind and yet as I look back over my shoulder I leave with a knowing that someday we'll return to it.

Neither of us acknowledges what we felt inside of there as we quickly make our way back to the ship, each of us with a newfound eagerness to get off this strange planet and just as we reach it we see them in the distance and I look at him in astonishment.

They did it.

"Rhea!" I hear Padme calling out and I let go of him to run forward towards her and she practically jumps into my arms. "We're back."

"Did you get it?"

"We got it," she smiles up at me and I instinctively look back at Obi-Wan, smiling in relief as I meet his eyes and nod in confirmation, hugging her again as Qui-Gon comes. Once the commotion has eased we realise Qui-Gon is not staying.

"Master?"

"I'm going back," he tells Obi-Wan and me. "Some unfinished business, I won't be long."

Obi-Wan sarcastically remarks "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic lifeform?"

"Don't insult Jar Jar," I retort, both of us laughing and Qui-Gon chuckles.

"I'm glad you two are finally getting along. It's the boy who's responsible for getting us these parts," he tells us and we quickly remember him, having forgotten about the boy with a midichlorian count that should not be possible after the events of the evening. "Get this hyperdrive generator installed."

"Yes Master," Obi-Wan says. "That shouldn't take long."

Qui-Gon goes again as quickly as he came, and we happily get to work.

I sit on top of the hyperdrive generator while Obi-Wan works on replacing the parts.

"You know what, I'm going to try to be optimistic and not worry about the ordeal that's going to be the senate until we actually get there," I tell him as I pass him the tools he needs. "But that being said I am worrying a lot."

"Your planet is under invasion, it would be strange if you weren't worrying," he replies as my legs dangle off the edge. "You quite happy up there at least?"

"Very," I answer, trying to make it last. "How are you going down there."

"Almost done," he answers and he lifts me off the generator by the waist, his hands lingering as he asks "Can you go check to see if Master Qui-Gon's near, he's been gone a while I'm starting to worry."

"Of course," I answer, still sensing some residual grief from that cave and peck his cheek again as I leave him to finish fixing the generator, but the moment I walk down the platform I know something isn't right.

My eyes catch a droid nearby, a surveillance probe, and my stomach drops knowing we're the only thing in miles it would be looking at. My instincts kick in, whether it's from the Hutt's or someone else I shoot it down and at the sound of the blaster shot Obi-Wan runs out.

"Rhea!"

I turn back to him, blaster still in hand and warn "Somebody's been watching us."

It's then both our heads whip around to the sound of a speeder and we see Qui-Gon running towards us with a boy following and a speeder not far behind.

"Anakin drop!"

The boy drops to the ground while I fire on the speeder, only for Obi-Wan to grab me in equal horror as a red blade emerges, clashing with Qui-Gons green saber.

"Go!" Qui-Gon yells out. "Tell them to take off."

It's then me grabbing Obi-Wan, dragging him back to the ship and he remains calmer than I would be if that was my master, ordering the pilot to fly low so we can escape rather than fight, and I stare down at the red and black man who meets my eye and all I feel is pure darkness as Qui-Gon manages to jump on board and we disappear into the atmosphere.

"Master!" I yell out, Obi-Wan and I coming to Qui-Gons side while the boy yells out for him.

"I'm alright," he assures us, out of breath. "Or at least I think so."

"What was that?" Obi-Wan asks, my hand on his shoulder as I stand over them.

"I'm not sure," Qui-Gon admits. "But it was well trained in the Jedi arts, my guess is it was after the queen."

I feel Obi-Wans hand reaching out for mine now as I curse under my breath and the little boy asks "What are we gonna do about it?"

Qui Gon sighs and says "We shall be patient."

"Patient!" I snap, spinning back around and feel Obi-Wan trying to calm me down. "Whatever it is is after my sister and you're saying we should be patient?"

"There's not much else we can do right now," Obi-Wan tells me, hands gripping my arms to keep me in place. "Remember what you said about not worrying."

I narrow my eyes at him but don't argue, as at peace with the force as I may be in his presence when my sister is involved that goes right out the window.

"If we see it again, it's dead," I say and he gives a permitting nod, not arguing with that after it tried to kill his master.

"Anakin Skywalker," I hear Qui-Gon say and turn my attention to the boy he's taken. "Meet Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Hi," the boy says happily, shaking Obi-Wans hand. "You're a Jedi too? Pleased to meet you."

The apprehension I had when we heard about the boy eases when I see he's happy and considering he was most likely a slave I have no arguments but Obi-Wan and I both look at each other when we realise his age. I was taken at six and this boy would be even older than that, nine or so maybe, far too old and yet everything on this planet has been nothing but strange.

"Anakin, meet the Queen's sister Rhea," Qui-Gon says to the boy and he happily shakes my hand as well.

"Pleased to meet you too," he says and tells me "You look like Padme."

I chuckle and so does Obi-Wan, the boy's bright or at least fascinated with my sister.

"I'm pleased to meet you Anakin," I say and check him over to make sure he's not hurt after that ordeal. "Come on, let's get you some water."

With everyone back on board and hours now into our journey to the capital I stand with Padme as she watches the transmission we received while she was away, her face stone as most of the crew sleeps.

"We determined it was a trick to provoke us into giving up our location," I tell her, but it makes little difference. "We don't know if the reports of the death toll are true."

"But they could be," she says and her attention is only taken away from the matter by the boy sitting nearby and I watch as she goes over to him, her compassion stronger than her fear.

"Are you alright?" she asks him.

Only now the reality of leaving home is sinking in for the boy and I watch with concern as he says "It's very cold."

I watch as she brings him over a blanket and feel a familiar hand on my shoulder.

"You look cold as well."

I run a hand down my bare arms, not protesting as he wraps his cloak around me.

"The boy's right, space is cold," I say turning to Obi-Wan, leaving Padme with Anakin. "Is Qui-Gon alright?"

"Thankfully yes," he answers and asks me "But are you?"

In all honesty I shake my head. "My planet has been invaded and now someone who is trained in the Jedi arts is after my sister. I'm far from alright."

"Come on," he says guiding me somewhere quiet. "You should be sleeping, or at least resting. Once we reach the capital I suspect we won't be getting much."

"There's not many places to sleep on a ship like this," I yawn, despite having slept well I dare say we spent the better half of the night awake with one another. "Padme's only fourteen and dealing with all of this and more, she needs me."

"She has her handmaidens and you both need sleep," he says, likely knowing the sleep I got with him in the night was all I've had in days. Now I've had a little my body craves more, it craves it with him beside me.

We sit down together in the engine room, warmth radiating from the shield generator and I turn my head to look at him, us shoulder to shoulder, and notice the tiredness in his own face. The grief that's been there since we walked into that cave.

"So do you."

"Well come on then," he says, wrapping an arm around me with the excuse of keeping me warm and immediately he puts me at ease in a way that no one else ever has. "Let's sleep."

"Let's sleep," I repeat, him taking me in his arms enough that my head rests comfortably against his shoulder, both of us finding comfort in one another and I swear as I fall asleep I feel his lips on my forehead.

"Sweet dreams."

And I smile it back as I slip into sleep. "Sweet dreams."

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