#self you haven't drawn anything in like a year

[pentapoda]

crawling out of the ether to draw space princesses with fire hair

#koriand'r #dcu #kory anders #kory #teen titans #pentapoda drew this #self you haven't drawn anything in like a year #shouldnt you space these posts out #me: no

[slvt4felix]

Inspired by the Masters

Pairing -> Artist!Hyunjin x reader WC -> ~ 2,400 words Includes -> maybe fem!reader considering they do wear a skirt but gender isn't really mentioned, strangers to friends (to lovers in the future), fluff, meet-cute Summary -> Your local art museum was your home away from home. Your favorite place to go and you can't help but visit when you need inspiration for a new art project. With a sketchbook in one hand and your backpack in the other, you enter the elegant building not expecting anything more than to admire the artwork. However, you soon find yourself admiring something else, or perhaps someone else... Author's note -> Lets just pretend that this isn't entirely self indulgent and written pretty much for my enjoyment. But I hope you manage to enjoy anyway! Thanks for reading! ♡ Masterlist ♡

You push open the heavy door, light nearly blinding your eyes as you walk back into the fresh air. It's one of the rougher days of the week. You just got out of one of your many stem classes, and are exhausted.

You're a junior in college, excited to take on the world, but first, you need to get through the education part of life. And let's just say it isn't easy. The building behind you is one of the many science buildings at your university. Although you despise the boring lectures held there, you can't help but admire the architecture. Your university was built a long time ago, and you feel beyond lucky to have gotten accepted here. You hadn't realized until late in your high school career what exactly you wanted to do with your life or if you even wanted to go to college at all. But ultimately, you decided on psychology. But upon starting school, you realized something was missing. That's when you enrolled in an art minor. It's been one of your obsessions since you were young. You had never even considered adding it to your schooling until the idea had been placed in your head by your high school art teacher. You had quickly gotten in touch with your advisors and changed your major. It just wasn't like you to not have anything creative on your schedule.

But today was one of your unlucky days. It was pure science labs and lectures all day long. It was now midafternoon, and there was some time to kill before your last class of the day.

Your first thought would, typically, be to head back to your dorm. It is shared between you, your high school best friend and two other people you met last year. Despite the fun times you have there, it was the last place you wanted to be today. Your roommates have been constantly arguing against each other, and you need some quiet time, especially after the grueling day you had.

You step away from the antique building to a bench next to the sidewalk a few feet away. Sitting down, you pull your phone from your pocket, unsurprised to see no messages. You haven't made many friends yet, but it's not all that shocking due to your reserved personality. Nonetheless, you open your messages, sending a quick text letting your best friend know you won't be home until later.

You put your phone away again, hands rubbing against your skirt, hoping to regain warmth. The heat in your class doesn't work well and, unfortunately, the heat from summer has faded. Reminiscent only in the nearly bare trees and brown leaves blowing in the soft wind.

Slipping your headphones back over your ears, you stand up and start the short walk to what's practically your home away from home. It's your favorite place to go, especially when seeking refuge from the chaos within your life. There's even a little cafe to get snacks or study in. Not to mention how beautiful it is. You can't help but be drawn to the beauty of it as an artist.

You walk up the glossy white stairs, excited to see the art within. Luckily, you get into your city's art museum for free. Upon walking in, your jaw nearly falls open like it always does. The beautiful cream walls and intricate paintings on the ceiling. You stop at each and every sculpture on the way in, eagerly reading about the pieces. You can never learn enough from the masters, and luckily enough for you, art is your favorite thing to study. Yes, it was your minor, but it was also your favorite hobby.

Strolling through the cool halls, you start to search for a painting to sketch out. With an upcoming art assignment due next week, you need to find inspiration and fast. You have been in a bit of an art slump for a few weeks now which is really hard when it's a quarter of your schooling. Hopefully recreating some beautiful paintings will be able to help you get back into your groove.

You walk into a well-lit room and are shocked to see new artwork mounted to the walls. They must have changed this room out recently; maybe it was a new exhibit. The thought excites you, your feet instantly shuffling closer to get a better look.

After taking a quick glance at some of the descriptions, you begin to realize it's an exhibit containing all local artists, the artwork absolutely gorgeous.

However, you were instantly drawn to a painting just about in the center of the long wall. The blood-red roses were noticeable from all the way across the room. As you get closer, you notice it's a stunning oil painting, the flowers depicted with heavy, but thoughtful, brush strokes. It was full of stark highlights and shadows, a delicate crystal vase holding the roses up. You can't help, but be in awe of the artist's talent. For the first time in a while, you don't feel reluctant to draw.

Thankfully there's a bench directly across from the artwork. You take a seat, smoothening your skirt. You set your backpack down beside you, reaching inside and retrieving your sketchbook. The inside contains various things. From journals to notes for your psychology classes, to actual drawings, the notebook is nearly filled to the brim. It may seem random, but the small notebook was essential for you.

Taking your pencil out from your bag, you start on the sketch. You'll have to be quick since you only have about an hour before class. Hopefully, you won't lose track of time.

You slowly get absorbed in the drawing. Beginning with the roses and making your way down, adding emphasis to the dark shadows. You barely notice as another person walks up to admire the art. But it's hard to stay concentrated after you first glance up.

A young man is standing off to the side, looking at the same painting. His jet black hair is slicked back slightly with gel, leaving a couple framing pieces in the front. He was dressed oddly nice, immediately drawing your attention. Although it was an art museum and people do tend to dress up more, you're starting to see fewer people make that effort. So it's interesting to see the man dressed in a designer black suit. You know it's rude to stare, but you simply cannot look away. Some people just draw attention like that.

He starts to turn around and you quickly look back down into your lap where your abandoned sketch sits. It was going well, but now looking back on it, something is off, you're just not sure what. You notice movement next to you and glance back up to see the man taking a seat next to you.

The two of you make eye contact and he smiles kindly, sending butterflies into your stomach. You return the smile before returning to your drawing. You gingerly trace over some of the lines of the roses trying to figure out what could be the issue.

"Beautiful painting, isn't it?" you say trying to keep the air from turning awkward. He simply hums a bit, with a small smirk appearing on his face. He glances down at your notebook and his eyes widen a bit.

"Your sketch is just as amazing," he says with his eyebrow quirking up. The compliment instantly makes blood rush to your cheeks. You can't help but notice how attractive the man is.

"Thank you," you reply, genuinely. You don't really show your art off to anyone so you take any and all compliments.

"It's not much so far, but it was just something to help pass the time," you explain, hoping he won't judge it too harshly. You shake your head slightly, annoyed at how strangely eager you are to please this random stranger.

He nods back in understanding giving you the idea that maybe he’s done similar things before. The two of you sit in silence after your bit of conversation. Somehow, it’s surprisingly not awkward. It's obvious that he’s simply enjoying the peace and seems to like watching you draw. You’ve never really minded having people watch you in your hobby. Despite the few nerves it adds, you feel proud when people like to see what you’re working on.

You sigh quietly, annoyed that the problem with your drawing is not going away.

"Something feels off, but I can't seem to figure it out," you admit to him in defeat. He nods and you watch as his eyes scan over your drawing. He leans a little closer, trying to get a better look and almost loses his balance for a second. It's endearing to see the confident man lose his composure even for even just a second. You lightly grip his shoulder steadying him with a soft giggle.

"Sorry, I just-," he starts a little flustered, "can I?" You're a little confused at first about what he is actually asking you and his eyes staring directly back at yours isn't doing much to help your comprehension skills. You can see him start to get a little nervous when you don't answer right away, his hands fiddling with his sleeves. His eyes dart down to your notebook, and a light bulb goes off in your head. You smile, a little embarrassed, and hand him your sketch.

"Yeah, of course," you respond. It was you who asked for help in the first place, so it would be silly for you to mind letting him see your drawing. He takes it from your hands carefully. He can tell how much it means to you from how tight your grip has been on the notebook since he came to see the painting.

"Oh I see," he exclaims, excited to have found the issue, "May I?" You are surprised when he turns to you with the question, his eyes shining eagerly in the bright lights of the museum. His hand reaches for your pencil and you instantly go to hand it to him. Your hand slightly grazes his as you release the pencil, making your heart flutter. He smiles in thanks and goes back to analyze your sketch while his other hand reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck.

'Oh my god,' you think, hoping he doesn't realize you are panicking internally. You glance away, trying to calm yourself down. You would hate to look like an idiot.

The man notices the distance and glances over, seeing you discreetly covering your mouth. He nearly laughs, finding your actions endearing, but he manages to hold it back. He quickly looks back down, so you won't catch him staring.

He brings your pencil to your sketch and goes over the petals, bringing the edges in a bit with more of a curve. Then he moves to the vase and erases a little of one of the shadows to lighten it up. You watch all the while, amazed at how he figured out and fixed the issue so quickly.

When he finishes adding his touches, he holds the sketch out in front of him, trying to see it with a new eye to check if it looks the way it should. He nods his head, content with the result.

"Wow, you fixed it. It looks amazing!" You compliment, extremely impressed.

"It was no big deal," he brushes it off, "sometimes you just need a fresh pair of eyes to see something."

"I'm Hyunjin by the way," he says, introducing himself, "Hwang Hyunjin." You're a little confused when he gives his last name, but you don't think too hard about it. I mean, it was kind of cute of him to be so formal anyway. He stands up from the bench and you follow, aware that you have to get going sometime soon.

"Y/n, nice to meet you," you respond, excited to have made a new friend. All of your friends were majors in engineering and other sorts of classes. None of them really enjoyed the same things you do, so you can't believe you've managed to find someone who seems to be into similar things.

Hyunjin reaches into his pockets, pulling out his phone. He takes a second to unlock it and looks at you in hope.

"Could I get your number? Maybe we could do this again sometime. I’d love to have someone to paint with," he asks shyly, extending his arm out for you to grab his phone. You accept his offer and put your number in, sending yourself a text so you'll have his number, too.

After you hand his phone back, his eyebrows shoot up upon realizing the time written at the top of the screen. You can tell he panics a bit, immediately slipping his phone away.

"I actually have somewhere to be, but I'll see you again, yeah?" He asks, trying to make sure you feel the same way. He starts to walk backward, albeit a little clumsily, while awaiting your answer with a charming smile painted on his face.

"For sure," you tell him with a smile, and he turns around and walks away. You watch his retreating form, shocked at what just happened.

"Oh my god," you whisper as you celebrate a little. You start to realize how many other people are in the room and take a deep breath, not wanting to embarrass yourself. You're just so excited and to be honest, Hyunjin was breathtaking.

You calm down a little and walk back up to the painting, wanting to admire it one last time before you have to leave. Not only is it one of the best paintings you have ever seen but it also happened to start a very interesting conversation and bring you a new friend. Maybe it was fate.

As you go to turn away, the silver of the plaque beneath the painting catches your eye, and you realize that you never read it like you typically try to. You love to see where and who all the beautiful artworks come from. You lean down a bit, trying to read the small black print. Since it's only a temporary exhibit the descriptions weren't anything too fancy.

Your mouth falls open within seconds of reading it. Your expression quickly turns into one of amusement thinking back on your latest interaction. You shake your head slightly in disbelief.

There, written as the artist of the piece was the one and only...

Hwang Hyunjin.

#slvt4felix #skz #stray kids #skz x reader #hyunjin #artist!hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #strangers to lovers #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x y/n #self indulgent

[ivesambrose]

ℜ𝔞𝔥𝔲 𝔦𝔫 𝔓𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔢𝔰 & 𝔎𝔢𝔱𝔲 𝔦𝔫 𝔳𝔦𝔯𝔤𝔬 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔞𝔤𝔢𝔰

October 30, 2023 — May 18, 2025

Pick the image you can submerge yourself into or can see yourself getting lost in or being a part of, that has your message.

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Picture 1

You'll look back at your childhood, early teen years or even the eras before you that you haven't lived and take inspiration from there when it comes to your creative expressions. Might revisit old films, old forms of media, music etc too.

You'll feel detached to modern life quite a bit. I believe for a long time you've been quite cynical since even the field of creativity moves too fast being heavily reliant on content generation so you had kept your hobbies aside till now or were worried about learning anything new and allowing yourself to develop in your craft.

However, you'll have this unabashed sense of confidence which comes from simply catering to that version of you that wants to find joy and awe in the arts and whatever makes you feel less doom and gloom.

You might adopt a pet or find yourself feeling closer to animals. Also, do not worry too much about your finances. They will pick up.

Some of you might rent out a place or move into a new house.

Some of you will have prospective romantic suitors or an existing relationship will bloom slowly but with assurance.

A word of advice is to invest your money properly and not mindlessly spend it at the same time the harder you hold onto it the quicker you'll find your funds decreasing. Find a middle ground.

Detachment from what you have pushed yourself to hustle for tirelessly for so long and allowing yourself to dream, explore, rest and take it slow is going to eventually bring you what you truly want without you having to lose your sanity in the process.

Picture 2

Life seemed to have been filled with toil and labour that may have been showing it's adverse effects on your health. That and the need to achieve perfectionism has been constant but the results have been futile.

Either you have been working towards something you're passionate about and will see the results finally come through or you'll finally find a reason to be passionate about or something that is worth the dedication and labour you put for the long haul and you'll appraise it's results by the middle or towards the end of this transit.

You may be realizing certain connections (likely romantic) however established will not be making it. But that's okay, you'll be eager to take steps towards a new direction even if the past seems to come snapping at your feet. (Literally, take care of your legs and feet.)

You'll also eventually be pushed to become your own boss and validation. Learn and break the cycles of your own deliberate ways of self sabotage. What does that bring? That success you have previously slaved away for.

When illusions and distractions fall away, true transformation occurs. A clear mind is a gift of it's own, a power you can confidently weild. You can finally move forward without the constant anxiety of looking back.

Picture 3

You've been impatient for your own metamorphosis, your rewards, your blessings as well as your rebirth. The previous month's felt like someone grabbed you by the head and pushed you down in an effort to make you sink at some point, you prayed that it's done with, just so the suffocation would end. That's exactly what has happened but you don't realize it yet, but will in the coming months, the old you is gone.

Some of you may be feeling drawn to dark Goddesses (learning about them or working with them however this applies to you)

You'll be pushed in the spotlight now, unknowingly, suddenly and inevitability. The metamorphosis is complete see? You haven't noticed but the people will. And although there are so many fulfilling offers both in career and love, why must you run from it? Maybe cuz you've chased all of this or wanted all of this for so long, now that it's here, you feel a sense of detachment. And although aloofness is soothing and maybe even attractive, live a little. In fact, you should unapologetically live out loud.

You have this pent up energy of wanting to beautify, nurture and bewitch everything and everyone around you and that you will, it will start with yourself first. A lot of you will venture into an artistic field that will require travel, travel in turn will also help you in connecting with your soul tribe. Listen to your heart a little more because you certainly love being in your head.

You've also been worried about your family, you'll see them happy and fulfilled.

There's so much to create, to achieve, to learn, to teach, to explore to give and to receive. So don't hold back.

Picture 4

Sometimes realizing that what you thought brought you joy because it looked exciting and good in the pictures was sucking you dry after all, can also feel like a heartbreak or an afternoon cry under the shower. You've been sick likely and devoid of true merriment. Perhaps some of you aren't as happy with the company you keep. Good thing is, that's about to change, even though at first it may not feel like it.

There's conflict internally and externally, it might bleed into your proffesional/academic life. Is everything really supposed to be competition? How much of your authenticity have you compromised so far?

I do see you managing your finances/material life/academics/work/business etc efficiently. Finally resting, recharging and looking after your well being too.

At some point you'll encounter someone unlikely who will feel like a guiding star to you and might end up being a friend, a muse, a mentor or lover and if you're lucky, all of them in one person.

You have courage but you also have Intuition and foresight, trust it, use it. So that the joy you feel and what you celebrate next, fills your soul not just your glass.

#free readings #tarot community #divination community #vedic astrology #rahu in Pisces #ketu in virgo #pick a card #pac #spiritual community

[kasagia]

Second Waltz

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem! inferni! reader Summary: For the Winter Fete, you were supposed to waltz with your friend the tidemaker and at the same time use your Grishas' power to entertain the king, queen and all the other self-righteous nobles. In your wildest dreams, you wouldn't have thought you'd end up dancing with General Kirigan... Nonsense from me: So I saw the post of @angellovelyasfck and got inspired... Warning(s): Darkling is a simp for reader; nobody knows why; he is so in love; matching kefta; author have no idea about dancing, but try to write about it; the reader is afraid of him but drawn to him, like a moth to the fire; Aleksander is a mastermind; Words count: 3,2k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

You looked like a real lady.

If Grishas could be ladies-in-waiting, be respected in Ravka, and have a position of nobility, then women would probably wear such dresses.

You didn't like parties organised by the royal family… well… except for the possibility of eating sweets prepared by royal chefs. It was the only thing that made up for the fact that you and the other Grishas were entertaining the king and his people.

Your powers were displayed as an attraction, a means of entertainment, and while some of you enjoyed the attention they were receiving at the time, others equally abhorred the idea of entertaining Otkazat'sya.

The winter fete was supposed to be like any other for you. You'll put on your festive kefta, sip a sneak peek of champagne, and munch on sweets with your friends.

But it wasn't supposed to be. Because someone figured out that the inferni and the tidemaker will waltz this year using their powers at the same time. Something about a poetic combination of opposites that unite in dance.

Because of this, you stood in the Grand Palace ballroom, looking anxiously around the room as you straightened your dress.

"Nervous?" a soft voice came from behind you. You turned around, sighing in relief, when you saw Genya.

"A little." you admit, calming down as she runs her hand through your hair and smooths the strands of your hair that have managed to come out of the updo she made for you. "I'm a soldier, not a dancer or lady."

Genya giggles. "In this dress, many would disagree with you. You look beautiful even without my touch-ups."

You are blushing. She made sure that you looked… just not like you tonight.

Genya has outdone herself. The dress was blue, sleeveless and strapless, and it went all the way down to the floor. In combination with a blue coat imitating an inferni kefta and a golden belt engraved with the symbol of the Second Army, you looked phenomenal.

Like a Grishas' princess...

"You're only saying this, because you are the one who made that dress."

"Well, it's very obvious." she teases you and taps you lightly on the shoulder. You both giggle, amused.

Suddenly, a ball of fire flashes between you. It misses your head by only a few inches. You wrinkle your nose and send the inferni who shot you a fireball an angry glare. Nobody does anything about it, the fire show continues as if nothing happened.

"What was that?" Genya asks, seeing your exchange of glances with the woman.

"Inferni affairs. Warkov is sent to go through the fold again. She resents that I haven't been there yet, and she's already gone four times. It's not my fault that the general has an aversion to me for some reason, and instead of using my powers in a good way, I have to do… this." you say in disgust, pointing at the dress. You clench your fists at your sides. "I can do more, Genya. I could help our people in fighting or in a battle… but instead, I'm stuck in this damn palace making playthings for the nobility." you add more quietly, making sure only she can hear you.

Genya sighs, looking at you. She strokes your cheek with her thumb, where you have a bit of icing from the cookie you ate earlier.

"I know what you mean. Trust me." you give her a sad look and squeeze her hand. She gives you a small smile. " But believe me… the general has his reasons for keeping you here." before you can say anything to respond or even ask what she means, you see her waving her hand, calling someone. David joins you, smiling at you two. You watch with interest as he steals glances at Genya. "Speaking of the general… there's been a slight change of plans."

"What? What do you mean?" you ask, confused, as you look from one to the other. You tense up at the mere mention of the general.

Suddenly the blue of your dress gives way to a deep, terrifying black. Only General Kirigan could wear this colour, as the only Shadow summoner, Darkling, descended from the Black Heretic. Panicked, you shift your gaze between Genya and David, hoping that this sudden change of colour won't bring you anyone's attention.

"Nya, Dav… it's black. Why did you turn it into black?" you become more and more uneasy when people around you notice the colour you wear.

It's official. General Kirigan will throw you to the volcras for such a disrespectful act.

"Your tidemaker friend was sent on... an important mission." David explains the sudden change of plans.

"What? But we were supposed to dance..." you say, surprised, but Genya cuts you off before you start panicking more about the absence of your friend, with whom you've been practicing this damn waltz and fire and water choreography for months.

"You will dance with the general."

After the red-haired girl utters this sentence, there is a long silence on your part, interrupted by the sounds of other inferni summoning fire. You freeze, completely shocked, refusing to believe that Genya meant what she said. It will be a pure disaster.

"No." you say, shaking your head.

Waltzing with a black general who, for some reason, doesn't recognise your presence in his army wasn't on your to-do list. Not today or ever. You feared this man more than anyone. And whatever you did to him to make him disapprove of your existence and the amount of power that lies dormant within you, you didn't want to be near him to test him even more and risk making him angry.

"Y/N." a woman snaps you out of your thoughts.

"Genya, please no. He hates me. I don't know why, but because of him, I can't do anything useful with my power. I'll step on his toes, and he'll hate me even more. He would kick me out of the Little Palace, and our evenings in the palace kitchen and secret chocolate snacking would be over."

"You eat chocolate without me?" asks a surprised and hurt David, oblivious to the growing panic and desperation inside of you. You can't dance with the general. This will end terribly.

"I'm going with you to stargaze outside the palace grounds. There's one one, David. Which doesn't change the fact that my death is imminent and none of you want to help me."

"For the love of the saints, Y/N, general won't kill you. It is just a dance. Put a smile on your face and try your best, I know you can do it and control yourself."

"What if I set him on fire? Saints, they will hang me for killing the only living Darkling."

"You were right; she is worse than me." David whispers, not quite subtly, to Genya while you're still panicking. You stop and look at him indignantly before answering in complete seriousness.

"I've heard that."

"Good. Now don't panic, the general is coming here." Genya takes David's arm and they run away from you, both discussing something lively.

However, before your brain processes the information and reacts defensively, by running away from where you are standing (preferably to the palace kitchen), you feel his presence behind you.

"Miss Y/L/N." you shiver when you hear his deep voice behind you.

"General." you reply in an unemotional military tone and turn to him after you swallow and calm down a bit.

"I see you already know about... a little change of plans." he says, nodding at your outfit. Only now are you painfully aware that you are facing the Black General, wearing his colors. May the saints receive your poor soul. "Genya and David did wonderful work." he adds. You have a bit of trouble swallowing and keeping your voice steady, but you finally manage to reassure yourself for a moment that you can at least pretend to be cool to the general.

"I... thank you, general... that's all their work." you say, trying to justify your appearance—wearing his colours when he's the only one who can wear them. However... he doesn't seem angry or crazy... and if you were dumber, you'd think he appreciates how good you look in black.

His dark eyes watch you carefully from top to bottom. You feel strange under his watchful gaze, unable to read any emotion from his face. He lingers a little longer on your body before meeting your eyes again.

"Shall we?" he asks, offering you his arm like a true gentleman. You dare not refuse him, so you nod your head and try to control the trembling of your hands as you slip your hand into the crook of his elbow. He leads you both further into the centre of the ballroom. You may notice that the infernis' show is about to end. "You will do everything as in rehearsals. I'll adjust my shadows to your fire to make it look as coherent as possible."

"Yes, general." you nod to him, having no idea how he wants to combine your fire and his shadows. But you have other problems on your mind now.

Like the hateful glare from Warkov. She's brave enough to 'accidentally' send another small fireball your way. Only your quick reflexes keep you from getting burned. The general looks at you, intrigued. But you pay no attention to him, too busy fighting to look at the inferni who hates you. The Darkling notices this and looks at the woman carefully. And if you looked at him, you'd see him nod to Ivan in Warkov's direction with a clear sign of investigating the matter between the two of you.

Inferni show ends. Your heart is beating like crazy with stress, knowing that now you will have to dance with the general. The darkling gives you a half-smile at your nervousness and grabs your hand as you both head to the center. He stands in front of you and, without letting go of your hand, says:

"We can find a light in the darkness… but not only from the sun or moon. But from something that we have around us that is as dangerous and unpredictable as it is beautiful and mesmerizing. Light isn't the only thing that dispels darkness. It is also the fire."

And with this, he joined hands, plunging the ballroom into complete darkness. The orchestra begins to play the melody you know, to which you have spent bloody hours learning the steps and memorising the moments when you are supposed to summon fire.

Only this time, it's not just going through the steps. No. This time, you feel something. Strange electricity as the general puts his hand on your waist and grabs your hand, pulling you closer than necessary. You begin to move around the room.

You light up the two of you with your fire, making you the only people visible in the dark room. And for some strange reason, you can't take your eyes off the general's dark irises, which stare at you as if they want to pierce your soul. His eyes glow from the flames of fire you let out, making it even harder to look away from him.

At one point, he takes away his shadows. The two of you are in full view, as is the crowd around you, but all you can look at is each other. His shadows travel with your fire, enhancing its brilliance.

You don't even notice when you start making your own modifications to the fire choreography, letting the balls and flames dance around the tiny shadows the general casts. You feel like all you can think about is a man holding you in his arms and watching you intently as if you were the only person in the whole world.

At one point, you are so overwhelmed by his gaze that you look away from him to the fire that is circling around you. You pull away from him slightly, so you don't rub against each other with every stop. You wonder why the general trusts you with enough power to dance with you so close to the fire but won't let you leave the walls of the Little Palace.

His hand on your waist pushes you gently back towards him, snapping you out of your thoughts. You turn your surprised look towards him.

"I don't bite, little flame… not unasked." he takes the opportunity to whisper in your ear. It takes your breath away for a moment. You wonder what the hell happened to him.

For the first time, you enjoy the hot fire around you… at least it's a way to explain to people why you blush lightly in his arms.

He spins you around, and as you land in his arms again, you notice that the colour of his kefta has changed with the heat of your fire. The black threads that decorate his kefta turn red. Your jaw would drop if you were alone.

You feel his hands on you more and more, despite how much material you have on you. The intensity of his gaze warms you more than the flames that dance with you around the two of you.

You don't know why his presence affects you so much. You don't know where the fear you felt before has gone. All you can do is let him guide you as he holds you securely in his arms and draws you close to him. Looking into his dark eyes makes all thoughts in your head disappear. It's just you and him.

And only the saints know how you manage to keep summoning fire without burning the two of you.

To your relief, the waltz comes to an end. However, instead of letting go of your waist and grabbing your hand to turn you around, Kirgan lets go of your hand. He lifts you with one arm around your waist and spins you around, keeping you close to him.

You melt in his arms. If you didn't know what it was about the attention he gave you before, you were completely lost now, feeling his strong muscles all around you. Your heart was beating like wildfire, and your cheeks were even hotter.

And a careful observer would have noticed how your fire got fed off by the general's sudden movement. And Kirigan was a very careful observer. So he gave you a quick, cheeky, smug smirk.

Your behaviour did not escape Genya and Fedyor. They looked at each other knowingly and whispered something conspiratorially to each other before Ivan hushed them.

Kirigan has put you safely on the ground. Flames and shadows disappeared around you. People started clapping. You were about to run from the middle of the room when a strong grip on your hand stopped you. The general leaned over and kissed your hand, not taking his eyes from you for even a moment.

You hold your breath and blush even more. His beard gently tickles your hand. The general's lips gently caress your skin, and you can't help but imagine how they would feel somewhere else...

The general reluctantly releases your hand and strokes it with his thumb. "I'm looking forward to the next dance, little flame." he whispers, so only you can hear him.

He releases your hand and walks away from you. You suddenly miss his closeness and the intoxicating scent of his perfume… but you're not distracted enough to sneak out of the ballroom at the first chance you get.

Your hand burns pleasantly where his mouth was a moment ago. And for the first time since you arrived at the Little Palace, you're looking forward to the next winter fete.

You went to the balcony to get some rest. The cool night air hits your skin. You lean against the railing and stare at the ground in front of you. You have a perfect view of the Little Palace from here.

You close your eyes and enjoy the night air. Suddenly, you feel a presence behind you. And loud footsteps make you realize that the general is specifically alerting you to his presence. You know if he wanted to, he'd sneak up on you silently.

You turn around and lean against the railing. "General." your soft whisper echoes across the balcony so clearly that the loud music doesn't prevent him from hearing you.

"Captain Y/L/N." he replies, taking a step towards you. He is standing next to you, looking at the terrain in front of you. "You are a good dancer." he praises you without looking at you.

"Thank you, General, but you were the one who mainly led our dance."

"Then let me appreciate that you never stepped on my toes. Believe me, it's a great feat; I've danced too many times not to know it." you can't help but giggle at his words. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him staring at you. He turns to you and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. "The way you manipulate fire... how you guide it, create shapes, and intensify the flame at will... few can do what you do. Rarely do I see such self-awareness and composure in an Inferni."

"However, I am not fit enough to use my powers anywhere other than within the walls of the Palace." you say before you can think it over. You're biting your tongue too late. Now all you can do is watch him, hoping he won't punish you for making such a bold accusation against him.

"You must forgive me, little flame… it's all my selfishness." he says tenderly, completely confusing you.

"What?"

"Let me show you." he says, and before you can ask anything else, he leans in and kisses you.

His hand on your cheek and lips, which caresses yours so tenderly, warms you better than any fire you could summon. You lean into his touch and feel yourself melting with every tactical, combined movement of his mouth and hand. You could control the flames… but he could do much more than just control the shadows. He played you perfectly.

At the moment, you were enjoying it more than you were worried.

Much to your displeasure, he moved away from you. He stroked your cheek with his thumb and whispered. "I can't wait to dance with you again." he licked his lips, looking at your own. His gaze came back to your eyes. "You look lovely in black, by the way." he adds, before wishing you good night and walking away like nothing happened.

Of course, before he left the balcony door, he gave you one last mischievous look. And standing there, warm from his kiss alone, with red cheeks and tingling lips, you knew he did it on purpose... that he made you want more.

The next day, you are forced to wear your blue kefta again. You would never think that wearing his colours would be so pleasant. Neither that the inferni who hated you and rebelled other people against you will be permanently moved to Kribirsk... or that you'll wake up in a room filled with your favourite flowers and an invitation to dinner with the general.

Maybe the waltzes weren't so bad after all.

#no one asked me #but i still do it #i hope its good #aleksander kirigan #aleksander morozova x y/n #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morovoza #aleksander x y/n #aleksander morozova #the darkling x oc #the darkling x y/n #the darkling x you #the darkling #general kirigan #darkling #the darkling x reader #general kirigan x reader #darkling shadow and bone #shadow and bone #oneshot #first kiss #dance #waltz #flirting #romance #grisha

[nights-at-crystarium]

You know what, I assume that people always read my pinned, or notice the pointer "new reader? start here" in every new Fragments' episode. I might be deluding myself. So hi hello lemme TALK ABOUT MY COMIC.

Before I get too rambly (and I mean RAMBLY), here's a quick intro. Fragments is a comic focused on feels and slice of life, made by a queer guy, aiming to ~character study~ the main cast (Vivi, Raha, Alisaie, Feo Ul) and fill in the gaps in canon (or linger in canon moments that needed more air imo), the tone ranging from angst to fluff to meme. Good punches require a good windup, so please don't expect angst anytime soon :3c

The story's segmented (fragmented, heh) into episodes. Episodes 1-11 take place in ARR, you can enjoy them with no worry about spoilers. Episode 12 onward is ShB, with all the spoilers and lorebending.

My storytelling style assumes you haven't only played through ShB, but know it like the back of your hand, i.e. it's for nerds and thinkers. Of course there's plenty of silly moments that don't require any deep knowledge, but the overarching story does. Often I skip canon events, only hinting that they took place, simply because I don't wanna retell the msq 1:1, I've got plenty of original scenes waiting to be drawn. You're in for a treat if you like obsessing over emotional and moral implications of things. And, yes, this's a story about a morally grey mc. Don't expect to be spoon-fed "and this's why that thing's bad, kids".

Currently I've outlined all the main story beats up until post EW, so it's like, not being winged as I go. Yes I refine things here and there, but I know where I'm going. I'm going ham!!!! With the lorebending post ShB. Initially I didn't plan to, but the more I learned about Vivi and personally grew as a writer, the more courage I got to "divorce" from canon. The general xiv story may still be good wherever it's headed, but it's not suited for an established wolgraha, so I'm making food for myself.

Everyone imagines the lil scenes from their wol's life, I'm taking that a tiiiiiny step further. Fragments tells a cohesive story that's looking to be the longest project at least in our corner. I can and will hyperfixate on this for years.

I started out just like many others, being hit with ShB like a truck, I wanted to put a catboy under a microscope and rotate him forever. Although I'd already been drawing for decades, I didn't have the comic-making skills yet, or eloquence to write the dialogue, so I spent the first half of 2022 self-studying, just because I needed a mouth to be able to scream about my ship.

Vivi didn't exist prior to my obsession with Exarch. He was made for this, he started out as a reagent (or a foil, now that I know fancy writing terms) for a rich and fun chemistry, and keep myself entertained for years, first and foremost.

Me, a fool: okay let's make a guy that falls in love with Exarch in this particular moment, what kinda life must he have led to- Me: ....oh no

The chemistry quickly bubbled up and exploded in my face, involving not only Exarch, but other characters (first as a means to subtly tell about Vivi, then they also demanded their own screentime), and here I am, sitting with a massive script on my hands, drawing my blorbos every day. Thanks for enabling that btw.

I care about characters a lot. I ask a lot of whys and hows. I'm critical-minded and burned on many bad stories that did their characters dirty, and I wanna be an opposing example. What I'm doing is extremely ambitious and risky, yes, but I can only invite you to tag along and see if I stick to my word.

The internet's a cruel and unforgiving place nowadays, and here I am, pitting my passion against what feels like decaying humanity. I'm making this comic to keep myself happy above all else, being sincere and cringe because life's too short to be anything else.

Thanks for reading this, and if you haven't yet, read Fragments here!

#ffxiv #vivien rell #crystal exarch #g'raha tia #wol x g'raha tia #wolgraha #own: next lvl #fragments talk

[immortalonus]

Face to Face Fanart Chapter 45 (P2)

It took a long while, but here's the long awaited page 2!

Thoughts under the cut.

So after months and months of art block, followed by a couple more months trying to solve said art block through the power of making more art, I finally managed to get this into a state I was reasonably happy with.

Historically, my works tend to be very stiff, and finding a way to adequately express that huge explosion in panel one took a long time--I really had to think around my own habits and predilections. In the end, it was worth it, as there's a lot more motion here than almost anything I think I've drawn before.

Panel two went much more quickly, if only because I had a solid year of thought and practice to help me out. I knew exactly what I wanted, it just took a while to do. Bones are attention hungry on a good day, especially finger bones. Technically, they're just rectangular prisms with attitude, but practically? Nailing all those curving planes and swells you need to make them look organic was a tricky. And don't get me started on teeth, which have all the same issues, but smaller.

In addition to the big bang of the portal incident, Danny, caught midway through his death and (partial) rejuvenation was something I really wanted to draw the reader's eye to as they looked through the piece. When I was reading this particular chapter of Face to Face, Danny's dialogue really stuck with me. You could tell that he absolutely didn't want to remember dying, and the fact that he did was a major facet in why he rejected his ghost half so much and for so long.

I wanted to visually emphasize the horror of the moment, to underscore why he might be compelled to do that, and how hard it must have been to hide the pain and terror from his family and friends.

So yeah, if you haven't read @dp-marvel94's Face to Face yet, you totally should. It's a labor of love, and a nearly complete, with only two chapters to go before the finale. If you like Fenton-Phantom friendships, Jack and Maddie as caring parents, and themes of self acceptance, I recommend giving this one a go.

#danny phantom #art #digital art #Face to Face fanart #mine #I'm sorry this took so long #Really sorry #This is why I don't do commissions #No way would I make someone pay on top of wait times like that #body horror?

[willowser]

i have this like one hc that pro-hero work involves a lot of traveling, especially in the beginning. they move here for six months and then there for four and then here for 14 and so on, just to get experience out in the field.

so it only makes sense you and bakugou end things, right at the start of his career.

and it's okay. it is. bc you both love each other and you know that, know that it's not ending bc of any huge, terrible fight that makes you enemies of one another. all the memories you'll carry can stay gold, not tarnished by anything other than the bittersweet distance.

getting used to it takes a little time, that's all; before he was your boyfriend, he was your friend, first and foremost. someone you had inside jokes with and had similar interests you could talk to about for hours, things that you only did with him and no one else. things only he knew. and not getting to tell him exciting news about college or ask if he saw the limited edition, golden age all might nendoroid they're releasing at the end of the year...sucks. it feels wrong, like these are things he's supposed to know, no matter what. things you're supposed to talk about.

you call him five months into his eight month nagoya contract and he doesn't answer. you think maybe he changed his number and didn't tell you, bc he doesn't actually have to anymore. bakugou has always been good about self control, keeping to himself, and it wouldn't surprise you if he's written you off without a second thought—bc this is how it's supposed to be when you break up with someone.

it's not until the next day that you get a text, late in the evening.

[9:26 PM] did you mean to call me

of course you did, but maybe you shouldn't have. hearing the line ring over and over again—it's cemented the realization that he's not thinking about you anymore. that he's moved on and you should too and he probably doesn't want to hear whatever if is you want to talk about. he'll probably just think you're weird. clingy.

yeah, but it's nothing important [9:32 PM]

he reads it immediately and—nothing happens. and you think that's it. hopefully you didn't come off too passive aggressive and now he thinks you're mad that he didn't answer. maybe you should have put an emoji, the little smiling one with the hands to show no biggie ! maybe you should have just said that, or that you couldn't remember the name of that hiking trail you did together two summers ago, but then you googled it and didn't need him anymore. or something.

he calls at 10:03.

your heart is in your throat when you pick up, beating like crazy bc you haven't heard his voice in a while. "uh, hello?"

and he hesitates too; his drawn out inhale doesn’t go unnoticed. "hey."

there's a brief period of silence on the line, some light shuffling on his end. sounds of cars passing, the rare honk of what traffic lingers this late at night. the wind scratches by, audible, and you shiver despite being in your own bed. you imagine him under a dim streetlight, fully outfitted.

bakugou huffs, "you called me?"

"yeah," you blink and sit up, though you don't know why. maybe because this needs your full attention, or because you don't want your voice to get muffled by your pillow. "i was just, uh—my roommate. she asked me if i've ever been to gekikara gourmet festival—"

"oh my god."

it's the exasperation in his voice that makes you laugh, so vivid, exactly as you remember it, and you can picture the face he must be making. "i know, i was like 'oh boy, have i'."

"d'you tell her you puked—"

"—with my head between my knees while sitting on that kiddie slide, yes i did."

he snorts, just the way he did as he patted the back of your head that night, awkwardly, standing beside you with a fist at his side. "told you not to try those fucking noodles."

you agree. "they were making even you sweat, i don't know what i was thinking."

it had been one of your first official dates, and you think all the spicy food didn't help with your restless nerves. it always felt stupid, looking back on it, to be so afraid; you'd known bakugou forever, and the only difference between that night and the many you'd spent before as friends was that he'd kissed your temple, lips red from spice and all. it was just bakugou, you thought. what was there to be anxious about?

and now the silence is making your stomach turn.

"yeah," you continue lamely, "nothing important, it just—made me think of you."

he doesn't say anything. if it weren't for the distant slam of something—a trash can lid or car door—you would think he hung up. he's always had a hard time with his words and you don't really even understand why he called instead of texting. if there was something he wanted to say to you, you aren't sure he could.

"so, i guess i'll let you—"

"y'got a roommate now?"

"uh, yeah." something ugly in your stomach wants there to be jealousy in his tone, and you shake your head to be rid of the thought. because it shouldn't matter. "she's in a couple of my classes. big fan of, like, kpop and stuff."

he snorts again and you can imagine the roll of his eyes, bright with amusement despite the frown on his lips. you love that look on him; so content that it felt out of his character, something he wanted to hide. being the cause of it has always been so sweet. "different apartment?"

"yeah, in a little dorm on campus." he didn't live with you long, just in the time between graduating and when his applications to agencies began returning acceptions. "couldn't afford that place by myself."

bakugou hums, and your eyes swim so suddenly that you have to take the phone away from your head. you wonder if he misses those days as much as you do. the simple life, doing the mundane together; washing clothes in the laundry room downstairs, having to clean the dishes by hand or the dishwasher would flood the tiny kitchen, taking quick showers together so that you'd both get hot water.

it was terrible. it was perfect. the kind of life you could never have, with dynamight.

his voice buzzes distantly and you sniff, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater before putting the phone back up to your ear.

"what'd you say?"

"that—" he huffs, "nothin'." you sniff again, unthinking, and he goes completely silent again. no inhale, no exhale.

he's not stupid. he probably knew this would happen and that's why he didn't want to answer. it was hard enough for him to get the words out the first time ("just gonna be shit, for you to be waitin'. eraser told me not to—won't be able to keep any fucking—and i don't wanna be some jackass that just lets you down all the fuckin' time.")

"sorry," you laugh because you feel awkward, because you didn't mean to force what you've been suffocating on him all at once. "i don't know what just happened."

bakugou mumbles, "s'fine."

you think that even if there was something he wanted to say, he wouldn't know how.

"but yeah," you sigh and scrub a hand over your face again. "no biggie, just thought it was funny when she asked and wanted to tell you. it's actually kind of late and i need to head to bed, but i'll—" talk to him later, is what you want to say, but your stomach drops and you know that it's not that easy. not anymore.

maybe it will be one day in the future, but this is the life you have to live, for now. all you can do is hold onto that hope, as your throat tries to tighten again.

"fuck, i—" he breathes, so frustrated that it nearly becomes a grunt, "y'don't know how—just, goddammit, in three months i'll—"

"i know," you tell him, and you smile like he can see it. in three months, he'll come back, to accept another contract, and then he'll be gone again. if there was a way to make it work, bakugou would have found it. of all people, bakugou would have found it. "it's okay," you tell him.

and it is. it is.

#wow whoops made myself cry LOL #no but like imagine dating him and getting like this taste for such a simple life #the crappy start up after graduating high school #when you can hardly afford you water bill and don't know what to do when the air conditioning breaks #trying to figure out adulthood together #and bakugou just won't get that #by the time he's out of school he's already been a child soldier #faced more in his life than most people ever will #he could never live a normal 9-5 with you and that's probably not even something he ever thought he would want #until he couldn't have it #BYE #on the other end he's gripping the phone and clenching his teeth so tight and curling into himself #as if he could submerse himself into your laugh just one more time #BYYYEEEE #bakugou drabble #bakugou angst #bakugou x reader #✿ willow writes #✿ thoughts: bakugou

[goiterinthegullet]

Tuco in "The Good the Bad and The Ugly" is honestly amazing

I've been watching TGTBTU (tuguttubutu) again recently and just thinking about how, unlike any other character in the movie, Tuco is the most human. I mean, Angel Eyes and Blondie are incredible, well-acted, compelling, aesthetically-grabbing, but you've got to admit they're rather alien, in a weird kind of way.

Angel Eyes is obviously evil to a classic standard, wanting nothing but to cause mayhem for extremely vague reasons related to general self-preservation and/or greed, and his reasons are much less important to the narrative as opposed to the threat he represents. Sure, he's got a bit of a past, but we never even learn his real name. He's an excellent villain, a perfect character in one of my favorite movies ever, but like Maleficent or Ursula or Scar, he's just that. A villain, and I love it, but it's definitely not "human", at least in an emotional sense.

And Blondie? Sure, its different obviously but his whole schtick is that he literally never tells us anything about him. We don't know his name, his heritage, his backstory, hardly anything. Anything we do know is just sorta vaguely picked up or known in a more personality way, like seeing how he responds to situations with complexity while never actually divulging anything more tangible.

But Tuco? Tuco? He's a creepy little criminal with a brother in the priesthood and two dead parents he hasn't seen for nine years. He used to have a wife somewhere, his eyes filled with tears upon hearing of his parents death. He's got more names than Blondie or Angel Eyes could ever hope to carry: Tuco Benedicto Pacífico Juan María Ramírez. He carries his name and his hastily-drawn sign of the cross everywhere he goes, gleefully cheats and steals and is genuinely a piece of sh/t, but also brags about how his brother is the "leader of the whole abbey!" after being thrown out by said brother who is also hurting. He's greedy and strange and a fantastic with a gun (prefers pistols to revolvers) and will sell anybody out for a nickel, and he's just so human.

Angel Eyes and Blondie don't try to not tell you anything about themselves. They're not interested in talking, albeit for different reasons, and would probably take it in stride if you did find anything out, but Tuco? Tuco is the only person who actually doesn't want you to know anything while simultaneously never being able to shut up. It's important to not use your own name in the brutal world they live in, a statement said by Tuco himself, and yet he's constantly speaking in a pseudo third-person, naming himself in a way that reveals how much he misses the life he left behind and even regrets the life he currently leads while also, and this is very important, totally vibing with his current life of debauchery and violence.

He's us. He's me. I think when watching movies, projecting onto characters is expected and even encouraged, but it's easy/enjoyable to see ourselves in those that are untouchable. Strange. Interesting. Vague enough to be Romantically projected upon I guess. But Tuco? He's got so much stuff to him it's spilling off the sides. He's pathetic, annoying, somehow worse than Angel Eyes, and that's how I am. That's how most people are. Sure, I've got a conscience, and I can say pretty proudly I'm leading a better life than Tuco over here, but like. Hurting, a little stupid, wanting to seem like Blondie or Angel Eyes (enigmatic, stoic), but coming off as overwhelmingly talkative and annoying instead, lashing out when accidentally becoming vulnerable, a walking contradiction, feeling my faults but never actually fixing them because, on some level, I haven't taken responsibility for my own actions? Tuco. We're Tuco.

#the good the bad and the ugly #tuco ramirez #the dollars trilogy #movie analysis #literally me #sergio leone

[mysticstronomy]

IS SPACE INFINITE??

Blog#403

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2024.

Welcome back,

It's one of the most compelling questions you could possibly ask, one that humanity has been asking since basically the beginning of time: What's beyond the known limits? What's past the edge of our maps? The ultimate version of this question is, What lies outside the boundary of the universe?

The answer is — well, it's complicated.

To answer the question of what's outside the universe, we first need to define exactly what we mean by "universe." If you take it to mean literally all the things that could possibly exist in all of space and time, then there can't be anything outside the universe. Even if you imagine the universe to have some finite size, and you imagine something outside that volume, then whatever is outside also has to be included in the universe.

Even if the universe is a formless, shapeless, nameless void of absolutely nothing, that's still a thing and is counted on the list of "all the things" — and, hence, is, by definition, a part of the universe.

If the universe is infinite in size, you don't really need to worry about this conundrum. The universe, being all there is, is infinitely big and has no edge, so there's no outside to even talk about.

Oh, sure, there's an outside to our observable patch of the universe. The cosmos is only so old, and light only travels so fast. So, in the history of the universe, we haven't received light from every single galaxy. The current width of the observable universe is about 90 billion light-years. And presumably, beyond that boundary, there's a bunch of other random stars and galaxies.

But past that? It's hard to tell.

Cosmologists aren't sure if the universe is infinitely big or just extremely large. To measure the universe, astronomers instead look at its curvature. The geometric curve on large scales of the universe tells us about its overall shape. If the universe is perfectly geometrically flat, then it can be infinite. If it's curved, like Earth's surface, then it has finite volume.

Current observations and measurements of the curvature of the universe indicate that it is almost perfectly flat. You might think this means the universe is infinite. But it's not that simple. Even in the case of a flat universe, the cosmos doesn't have to be infinitely big. Take, for example, the surface of a cylinder. It is geometrically flat, because parallel lines drawn on the surface remain parallel (that's one of the definitions of "flatness"), and yet it has a finite size. The same could be true of the universe: It could be completely flat yet closed in on itself.

necessarily mean there is an edge or an outside. It could be that our three-dimensional universe is embedded in some larger, multidimensional construct. That's perfectly fine and is indeed a part of some exotic models of physics. But currently, we have no way of testing that, and it doesn't really affect the day-to-day operations of the cosmos.

And I know this is extremely headache-inducing, but even if the universe has a finite volume, it doesn't have to be embedded.

When you imagine the universe, you might think of a giant ball that's filled with stars, galaxies and all sorts of interesting astrophysical objects. You may imagine how it looks from the outside, like an astronaut views Earth from a serene orbit above.

But the universe doesn't need that outside perspective in order to exist. The universe simply is. It is entirely mathematically self-consistent to define a three-dimensional universe without requiring an outside to that universe. When you imagine the universe as a ball floating in the middle of nothing, you're playing a mental trick on yourself that the mathematics does not require.

Granted, it sounds impossible for there to be a finite universe that has nothing outside it. And not even "nothing" in the sense of an empty void — completely and totally mathematically undefined. In fact, asking "What's outside the universe?" is like asking "What sound does the color purple make?" It's a nonsense question, because you're trying to combine two unrelated concepts.

Originally published on www.space.com

COMING UP!!

(Saturday, May 25th, 2024)

"ARE THERE ANY OTHER DWARF PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM??"

#astronomy #outer space #alternate universe #astrophysics #universe #spacecraft #white universe #space #parallel universe #astrophotography #science

[brooklynisher]

Hey ! I think I've seen you mention details about how Boop and GG met (if I'm wrong I'm so sorry I'm . So tired) ,, could you maybe . Elaborate on that I miss them ....

Aaa

Right, so I don't think I've ever explicitly stated it bc the lore is really stupid, but I did vaguely hint at it multiple times

You remember when I asked you to draw GG in the backrooms?

I'm being serious about that

I don't think you knew, but that request was a lot more self-indulgent than you probably thought it was ;D

I'll give you a little rundown on the lore. It's a little tragic, but not so much from her perspective. Maybe if she gains hyperintelligence it'll weigh down on her more, but not atm. I've been pulling together my thoughts on her so don't be surprised if this is a bit info dumpy ok?

Boopsy Doodle was built in 1923 by Peter Walter III. She was a prototype drawing bot. He worked on her for 2 years before leaving her to figure out the outside world on her own under supervision of course. Unfortunately, he looked away for just a second and she was gone. She was drawn by Delilah, the giraffe, not the wraith, but because her sense of depth perception wasn't quite developed yet, she fell to the bottom of the pit that contained Delilah. Peter and the Walter Workers scrambled to the bottom to search for her, hoping that they could at least retrieve her parts and repair her again, but she was nowhere to be seen. That's part of the reason why III doesn't have any kids. He felt really bad about losing Boop just before she could ever meet the other robots.

She fell into the backrooms and met GG. Don't ask me why GG's there she just is. But yeah. GG was just as egotistical, mischievous, obnoxious, and loud back then as she is now, but after a while, she realizes the Boopsy is the only real person she can talk to in there, so she puts a lot of her pride behind for Boop so that way if they are stuck there forever, GG doesn't have to be alone forever. Much less with someone she hates.

And I've never been a fan of the whole modernization of the backrooms where people added different levels and different monsters to make it "scarier". I think it's creepier at its core. But for the sake of lore, I'm going to incorporate the leveling thingy so that way GG and Boop's whole thing isn't just sitting in an empty room for god knows how long doing nothing. I wanna give them something to do.

So yeah, GG and Boopsy's backroom adventures. Eventually, they escape. It was by accident. They were getting quite used to level hopping in the backrooms so it came as a surprise to them when they finally escaped. But they were separated so that sucks. Still haven't decided what's been going on since they were separated from each other.

Also, thought I'd mention, I like to think of her personality as very similar to Frisk from Undertale. Basically non-existent through words, a little more noticeable through actions. I like to think that like Frisk, Boopsy has a very go-with-the-flow-like attitude. It doesn't matter what kind of world she gets stuck in. She'll go along with it and not question it at all no matter how strange it is. Which I suppose is more of a child-like approach to new situations more than anything else.

She'd make a great videogame silent protagonist whose personality is revealed through actions rather than words is what I'm saying.

But anyway

#aaaaaaaaa #12 am posting #I'll be main tagging this but only because of how many connections there are to canon in this stuff #also 'cause I spent a lot of time braindumping #steam powered giraffe #spg #spg fanbot #boopsy doodle #boop #peter walter iii #gg the giraffe #ask #dumbdless #I'm tired #whyy #why does this keep happening to meeee

[bakiuwu]

Imagine saying someone posting screenshots to prove themselves innocent cause someone made a fucking alt to spread a fucjing child grooming rumor stupid ass internet beef, are yall slow do yall know how serious that shit, do you know how fucked up it is to be minding your business and for someone to hate you to make up a fucked rumor??? This literally fucking harassment I'm defending myself and showing how actually fucked people in this fuckinf fandom is, also to make a post about something then to throw fucking shade are fucking unserious

Then, on top of all this bullshit to have someone admit that they did it...and a person who I haven't a gave a fuck and even forgot abiut FUCKING YANDERE MOMO ARE YOU SHITING ME, YOU LITERALLY HAVE ME BLOCKED AND YOUR STARTIGN SHIT??? being on apart of this stupid ass scheme l.....WHY cause you don't like me over some baki shit??? YOUR 23 HAVING A DAMN 15 YEAR OLD DOING YOUR SHIT, ARE YOU SURE YOUR NOT THE DAMN GROOMER WERID PICE OF SHIT Why are you close with a damn 15 year older who happens to be a fucking proshipper who has drawn cp before you fucking bitch, it's already bad you write rape fanfics BUT THIS no wonder you were able to make uo such a rumor, you self-progecting cunt

ALSO FOR YOU SAINT FUCK ASS PUPPY TO PLAY THIS OFF LIKE ITS A JOKE??? HATE YOU??? I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU I AXTUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, YOUR A KID CLEARY SURROUND BY WERID ASS ADULTS, I DONT KNOW ANY OF YOU PEOPLE??? AND YOUR DAMN LIE YOU HAVE HARRSED ME AND MY FRIEND BEFORE YALL CAN NOT BE SERIOUS

Then too pussy to even say anything to me cause WHAT YOUR SCARED OF ME OR SOMETHING??? WTF YOUR A SPINELESS PIECE OF ACTUALLY SHIT, then to act like your changing a new leaf cause you decide to tell WHEN YOU BEEN DOING THIS FOR SOME TIME APPARENTLY, ARE YOU THAT BOTHER BY ME.....what happen to people having a fucking life, your so mad at someone that get a proshipper 15 year old to help your GROWN ASS to make up a fucking child grooming rumor.....that is the most Pathetic loser shit I have ever witnessed, then for this to be played off like this not serious......this fandom is really fucked up,

I don't even do anything all I do is post dumbass shit.....this actually funny....I have no words....so agian if you actually think any of this is silly internet beef.....there's something wrong with you, I feel like people think shit on the internet isn't serious like you can say and do whatever they pls and think nobody should call them out for theyre dangerous behavior this is very serious shit like this can ruin someone's fucking life....this is the last thing I have to say....this so disgusting

#baki the grappler

[alivingmel]

Apologies, reasons, c-c-cancer?!?, future plans, etc.

HELLO FRIENDS, it's Mel. It's been a very long time since I've posted here, and I feel I owe all you lovely folks who supported me in years past an explanation (whether or not you even remember me because it has been years now) SO, let me tell you what's been going on (under the cut):

Back in 2017, my mental health hit an all-time low that resulted a suicide attempt and subsequent hospitalization. Thankfully, my time in the hospital set me on a path that led me to receiving the care and medication I needed! I started on a mood stabilizer that truly changed my life around. . .

But, because my period of positive self-growth coincided with staying offline and not drawing as frequently as I used to, a misguided part of my brain began associating these things with that awful mental state that almost killed me. I never, ever wanted to feel that awful again, so I started to shy away from sharing and making art until avoiding it completely.

Furthermore, many of my pieces had been fueled by pure mental anguish and, once that pain was alleviated by the proper medication, I found myself struggling to find the motivation to create anything. . . My mind was so much clearer and I could come up with concepts for stories and characters better than ever, but actually getting these ideas down on paper became difficult. For most of my life, I had overrelied on frantic emotions and the idea that my life was not worth anything beyond what I created whenever I made art.

Now that I've realized that yes, my life is valuable and yes, I want to live it, my old approach to art was rendered defunct. I became distracted by new hobbies, since I was able to actually Enjoy Things properly for the first time in my adult life. . . And also because I was avoiding art, which had become a source of frustration and embarrassment for me. I felt like I was a different person than I was before, and the old me was a mess but DAMN they could draw.

I believe it's possible for me to rekindle my passion for creating stuff and discover a reason to draw that isn't unhealthy! But it will require a LOT of focus and energy from me, involving a lot of aggravation and disappointment because FUN FACT when you don't draw for months at a time, you get rusty as hell.

Thus far, I haven't been able to manage the sustained effort required to remember how to draw because, despite being far more mentally stable nowadays, the the last six years have been very. . . Unstable. . . I've lost beloved pets and family members, had to support both parents with major surgeries on several occasions, deal with multiple drawn out court cases (one involving a police officer with a vendetta against my brother trying to get him put in jail, LONG STORY. . .), keep my house from falling apart without having nearly enough money to properly fix the staggering amount of things wrong with it, the persistent cold (and sometimes very hot) war between my immediate family members, and so on. . . My minds been so preoccupied with a constant stream of disasters in my household that it's been VERY EASY to justify a continuing avoidance of art.

I was hoping this year would be the one where I'd get back on track, but instead it turned out to be the year where the old track violently explodes and now I have to build a WHOLE NEW TRACK. So, for now, I have to focus on preventing the derailed train that is my life from jettisoning off a cliff.

Back in December 2022, I discovered a lump in one of my breasts. Considering my age and the fact that it was actually causing me discomfort, I figured it was a benign cyst. Got a mammogram and a biopsy to make sure! IT WAS NOT A CYST. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, which tends to be the type of breast cancer that folks under 40 get. It's often connected to genetics, but I tested negative for all relevant gene mutations and no one else in my family has even had breast cancer. IT FELT LIKE A VERY SOAP OPERA-ESQUE TURN OF EVENTS AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENED, not very realistic plot progression on Life's part, 0/5 stars.

Triple negative is unfortunately one of the most aggressive types of breast cancer and, since the "triple negative" refers to the tumors lack of hormone receptors and the HER2 protein, it does not respond to most targeted breast cancer treatments. But because triple negative tumors are nasty, fast-growing little fuckers, Classic™ chemotherapy works wonders on 'em!

Thankfully, despite all the doctors suspecting otherwise, my nearest lymph node tested negative! Makes a huge difference in treatment, likelihood of recurrence and metastasis, and my chance of surviving this ordeal. The amount of chemo I have had to endure has sucked hardcore and will continue to suck. I finished 12 weekly infusions at the end of May, and I started the last 4 bi-weekly infusions in June. The last four doses include a very friendly, fun-loving drug nicknamed "the red devil". :’)

The silver lining of this whole mess is that I FINALLY GET THESE TITS TAKEN OFF AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY OUT OF POCKET. . . As you may or may not know, I'm nonbinary. I've never had any desire for HRT, but god, GOD, my boobs have given me hardcore dysphoria since puberty willed them into existence. I'm not very comfortable talking about my identity with family and acquaintances irl, so the fact that I don't have to explain myself to nosy relatives now is a relief. WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY PREFERRED HAVING SOME AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS INSTEAD OF FUCKING CANCER, but at least I get some kind of reward at the end of all this.

As someone that's been (physically lol) healthy their whole life, this has been a difficult journey. And, this is wicked cheesy, but the amount of strength I've been able to scrounge up? SHOCKING. I'm proud of how I've managed to grow as a person since 2017. Back then, I could've never pulled this shit off. 2023 MEL IS THE MOST POWERFUL MEL YET, BUT. . . THIS MEL NEEDS TO CHANNEL THEIR NEWFOUND TEMPERANCE INTO THEIR ART AFTER GETTING THROUGH THIS. . .

I actually had this fairytale idea that I'd draw during my chemo sessions and ~rediscover my passion~. . . But I qualified for a cooling cap program (helps with the hair loss, trying to retain as many follicles as I can cuz they play the lead role in my physical presence ok!!!) and the headache you get from encasing your skull with ice is not exactly conducive to productivity.

SO, for now, I need to focus on beating the shit out of cancer and recovering from the treatment beating the shit out of me. But because this experience has made me hyper aware of the fact that we do not get an infinite amount of years to do all the things that we want to do in life, I WILL RETURN. . . Because I have stories to tell! With shitty characters that have shittier lives! I didn't devote 30% of my grey matter to this stuff just to take it with me to the grave, man!!!

ALSO, A REMINDER: if you ever feel like there's something off with yourself, health-wise, do not hesitate to get yourself checked out by a doctor. Whether it's a tiny lump, a persistent dull pain, or anything else. . . Find out what, exactly, it is. I caught this cancer right in time! At this stage, the survival rate for triple negative breast cancer is a little over 90%. Had I waited to get checked out, had I given it enough time to matastize to a distant part of my body. . . My chances of surviving would've dipped to about 12%. That period where I was waiting on tests to confirm whether the cancer had gone anyplace else was absolutely terrifying. SO PLEASE, DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH YOUR HEALTH (OR YOU MIGHT FIND OUT).

[bosskie]

Electrical Colours

Man, I was just looking at that Abe's Oddysee's good ending and those cool colours the lightning strike made Molluck have, so I kinda wanted to draw him like this again... This ain't a redraw though even it looks like one of my older pieces.

There's also a sketch I made for this to my sketchbook. I don't have a light pad but it helped me to do a cleaner sketch to the actual paper. But frankly, that older piece has bothered me because of the flaws I see... So, I kinda have still wanted to redraw it but more because I really enjoyed playing around the colours there! I just rarely use vivid/strong colours...

I haven't touched my watercolour palettes for 5 years... I just got plenty of watercolour paper, mostly unused pads, so I felt like I gotta do something about it. I'm not sure if I'm pleased with the colours or not. I would have liked to mess more with the colours but well... The tape I used wasn't good enough to stay in place, so this got 'wonky' but not too much. It's just whenever I use watercolours, the paper gets wavy... The tape does help but eh, it's quite usual that I damage the paper anyway... Welp, need to practice my watercolour skills.

I wasn't sure about the background but just painted the environment from the cutscene. But yeah, I must say that I'm not sure if I enjoyed painting this or not... That tape just pissed me off and my usual self-hatred hit me while working on this... But I still decided to finish this, even it required many hours to make but also patience since yeah, you gotta layer stuff and be careful with watercolours. I still see some flaws here and there but just got tired of painting the whole thing...

I just started to feel so awful about myself, yet again... Felt like I'm just some odd freak, should just end what I'm doing but well, also myself... Currently, I basically have no other life than Molluck since I'm free and alone... I also just keep feeling like a failure, keep telling myself how I wasted one year of my life when I was too depressed to do anything, I didn't even really draw during that year... I just felt so hard that I'll be nothing, I have no future, I won't ever get to the university... Everything was so black... I didn't believe in myself, at all... I still feel like I got no future, barely have any hope on myself... There somewhere I kinda wish to tear that painting I did but also like all the other drawings too... I'm still having hard time with tolerating my own creations, even I do love to create stuff... I more like just wish to create stuff and then just send them into the void and never see them again... This is basically the main reason why I tend to disable reblogs... I just cannot really stand seeing my own stuff...

I have just felt like that I should just end my whole Molluck thing... But there somewhere I see Molluck looking at me with sad eyes and telling me how he knows that I don't really wish to do it since I love him so much... It also feels insulting to him that I'm calling myself a freak because of the way I love him... I don't wish to hurt my dear Gluk, even I do have drawn him getting hurt but it's just what actually happened to him and I cannot deny that him getting the hit looks 'cool'... My life would be so empty without Molluck... Welp, he at least keeps me creating stuff since I just moment ago got yet another drawing idea that I feel like starting later today. Not sure if I make a proper drawing about it and what media I should even use but just something to my sketchbook at least. I just feel like I barely drew a thing if I didn't have Molluck... Dunno if my stuff is even worth making but well, I'm glad to waste my time on some fictional creature I keep dreaming of every single day...

I'm still trying to see my stuff in a better light but it's difficult... I didn't have much will to post this one but still did it. I just tend to feel like my stuff looks soulless, uninspiring, crappy, just not worth seeing... I'm still trying to keep posting my crap stuff, even it's difficult for me to believe in that anyone really enjoys seeing my stuff... It's just that my mind just keeps telling me that everyone just secretly hates me and just pretends to like me for whatever reason... I don't even know why I feel like this but it's just making my self-hatred worse, keeping me feeling like I'm just ruining everything, that everything would be better if I was gone or better, never even existed... I'm still trying to keep living, even if my only reason to live was to keep filling the world with Molluck crap love... I'm planning to try out sculpting a Molluck bust next week; gotta buy some art supplies first though, like a banding wheel. Been just joking about filling my home with Molluck sculptures... But yeah, a huge Molluck bust would be just nice, though it would be like 'real-life-sized' at that point! Yeah, I can say that I do have had ideas for big Molluck crafts... I could be able to do a big plush too but I got no resources for such...

Yeah, let's say that this stuff is basically for what I live... I don't really care if some people think that I'm a freak/weirdo/whatever, this is just who I am, and I can be no one else but me; it's just that me calling myself a freak is my problem... I also got some 'digital craft' ideas too, meaning programming and 3D stuff. Yeah, so many medias to work with... It would be just cool to do a VR/AR Molluck thing too! Yes, I am crazy about Molluck but it's not really harming anyone and it keeps me alive and creating stuff, so it's fine. I actually started to feel better after writing this stuff since well, there is so much cool Molluck stuff to do, even if I have difficulties with tolerating my stuff... I just love to create Molluck stuff, okay.

I don't wanna sound like I hated people liking my stuff, no. It's only a big surprise to me if someone really likes my stuff and I do appreciate all the positive things my stuff gets! I just wish that I could also see what you see when looking at my stuff... My problem is just that I tend to see only my flaws and therefore find my stuff as crappy... But I'm trying my best to learn to love myself and stop feeling like I'm just a failure that shouldn't exist... It's only me who has said those brutal things to myself...

I feel sorry for all this vent... It's just that I'm really fighting for my own life with my mind. So many times, I have just felt like ending this all... But here I am, even if my whole existence was a total waste after all... Yes, this is how I talk to myself during my worst moments... I hope that your self-talk ain't so awful!

#oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #molluck #oddworld #art like a bosskie

[kinfriday]

The Irregular Ascetic

In August, I briefly made a new friend on Tumblr.

His account has long since vanished for reasons I do not know. Maybe this place just didn't click for him. I've been here for years and always found it welcoming, but I know that, like everything, this site is not for everyone.

He'd send me a message, ask a question or two, and when I checked every week or so, I'd do my best to reply.

Then, one day, he was gone, but not before leaving me one last question:

"An ascetic heathen life? What does that look like to you? I want to see that visual."

And that's kind of the question, isn't it?

The thing about callings is that they aren't always clear-cut. I may feel drawn towards an ascetic heathen life, but it's not like my Gods sent me an Ikea flat-pack kit.

As seems to be the pattern with the Germanic deities, they tapped me on the shoulder and then said...

"Here ya go, figure it out."

And here we are. Forty-Two, with over ten years as a member of the Ár nDraíocht Féin (ADF), I haven't finished my dedicant path, nor started the clergy track.

I can't remember the last time I did a full ritual.

All in all, I seem like a pretty crappy monk, don't I?

Sister Snow Hare, indeed...

It seems that my vanishing friend pinned me to the wall. I've been chewing on this again, trying to work it out.

If you're reading this, buddy, know that you kicked off a lot of introspection about my path, and you inspired this long rambling Tumblr post.

The best place to start is the beginning. (A little free wisdom)

So, what exactly is monasticism?

Good ol’ Mr. Wikipedia defines it as "a religious way of life in which one renounces worldly pursuits to devote oneself fully to spiritual work."

No matter the faith, this is a feature of monastic life: asceticism, self-denial, and focus.

Have I mentioned I can't remember the last time I did a ritual yet?

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Nothing makes me feel guilty, like comparing myself to the standards and practices of others. Somewhere out there, a Buddhist is living on four grains of rice, meditating eighteen hours a day, stopping only to sleep. The five minutes a day he spends on Tumblr, he's laughing at me.

I just know it. >.>

You could say I've been feeling a little convicted about this.

Yet the calling is still there. My relationship with my Gods isn't just good; it's warm. While not formal or official, I have a fulfilling spiritual life that's not structured like anything in the faith org I faithfully send my twenty dollars a year to and then largely hide from.

So what's going on?

I've begun to realize slowly over the last year that my faith path will probably never be recognizable as anything routine, rote, or by the book, but what it will be is mine.

Where does my asceticism show?

Let me take you through a typical day.

Waking at 2300 (11 pm), I plank for three minutes, do about ten minutes of calisthenics, wash my face, and then meditate for twenty minutes to a half hour, offering that time to the Gods. Then, with that done, I recite my creed and head off to the gym.

I have a creed. I'm that fancy!

While I'm in the truck, I informally pray. Often, I'm talking to my Lady Eostre, but the other Gods definitely get included. Woden and I have always gotten along, and Thunor, I call big brother because he's always watching out for us and protecting us.

Now it's time for my hour minimum at the gym. Half an hour each of cardio and weight training. This is so I can be in good condition and proper shape.

Good health is important to me, but more on that in a moment.

When I get home, I clean for about an hour, something I call "service meditation." Scrubbing floors, cleaning counters, and sanitizing bathrooms is a gift I can give daily to my loved ones with whom I make a home. While I work, I reflect on them and consider all they give me.

After a much-needed shower, I'm in the office and might finally have breakfast. I eat, ascetically, often the same thing every day; I keep my calories low and usually take up a 16-hour fast between my last meal and first meal.

Everything gets weighed down to the gram and tracked on my calorie sheet.

Next comes editing, writing, often some informal online counseling, or time spent on networks like Counter Social, Telegram, and Discord trying to help people, even if it's only getting them to smile.

Hope is big for me because my Lady Eostre is the goddess of Spring and the Dawn. She is hope personified, a goddess of fresh chances and potential. Pointing back to her and her values is my purpose. It's what I was made for.

My day continues like that until I'm in bed at 1600 (4 PM), after an hour cool-down where I go through my creed and have one last conversation with the Gods. That's when I set out my fruit offerings if I happened to have any that day.

It's a hard and fast rule. The gods always get the best part of the banana and the strawberry.

This is the way.

My bed is a mat that rolls out on the floor. I started that in 2020, and I've never been happier or slept better, and when I travel, it comes with me.

And I travel a lot.

My family here calls it "missions." Every now and again, someone in my network will need help. They might be having surgery, a mental health crisis, or are moving cross town or cross country. Whatever the reason, the call goes out, and if I can make it work with money, I'll hop a plane, train, or bus and get out there.

Beyond the joy I get from being in shape and capable, this is why I work out. It's much easier to load and move boxes or help lift people when you're in decent physical condition. 

I actually have training as a CNA, so I know how to do all the transfer stuff, and I have decent experience in post-surgical care.  

I don't want to go into this part too much because it feels like bragging, but I've been all over the States and soon to be Canada just helping people. I ramble in, do what I can, then return home and take back up my discarded routine.

And this is my life, apart from writing my books. As I looked at it and began breaking it down, I realized that I am already living a disciplined ascetic life.  

My gods and my faith are at the forefront of what I do, but what defines my faith isn't the regular application of ritual, but action. Indeed, one of the sayings I live by is actions show what words claim.

So I'm not on a mountaintop, meditating with the sun's rising and setting, or dwelling within a monastery, cloistered from the world, living to sing hymns. There is beauty in that kind of asceticism, but it's not my asceticism.

Yet, we do have things in common.

My life is one of service, with a focus on the divine and the advancement of their aims for the world. It is my hope (there's that word again) that I can show the wisdom and cunning of Woden, the strength of Thunor, the honor of Tyr, and most of all, embody the hope of the Dawn in all I do.

Of course, I'm not perfect, and Saturdays are often waffle day, but life is about growth, not static metrics.

It's dawning on me that I may never be fully recognized in my path. I don't seem to jive well with organizations and dogmatic structures. I may never have Reverend by my name or "Sister" formally. When it's time to go, I may not even leave much behind save my books and these Tumblr posts.

When I do cross that far horizon, and I am again before my Lady, I hope she will look back on all I did during this strange human odyssey and see that while I may have been taken from her for a time, I never stopped being her devoted one, her servant, and that is all the formal recognition I will ever need.

For me, an ascetic heathen life is one of actions, denial, and service, which I seek to live every day.

#otherkin #therian #kinfriday #tumblr #writing #heathenry #neopaganism #germanic paganism #heathen asceticism #wandering hare #counter social #monasticism #paganism #anglo saxon pagan #the way of the wandering hare

[drylan]

angst. mean ryan and mean dylan. arguing. tension. miscommunication. ANGST. (but not dark fic please!)

tw: arguing/shouting, self-ableism, vague mentions of car accidents/death

"So, I'm just invalid now, is that it?" Dylan spat, flailing at Ryan angrily as the shorter man was pretty much tugging him back inside their apartment. His hair was a mess, his face was a mess, his clothes were a mess. He made a point of not letting Ryan help him at all today after a rather tense evening last night.

Ryan had drawn the line at Dylan trying to drive with one hand. He wasn't ready and had never even attempted to do that. And he wasn't really to risk having him get into an accident. "I didn't call you fucking invalid, dude, but I'm not letting you get in a goddamn accident-"

"You'd love that, though, wouldn't you?" Dylan shouted back, virile spewing as Ryan slammed their front door behind them. "Then you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, huh? Then you wouldn't have to pity-fuck a freak like me?!"

"Oh my God, you're ridiculous!" Ryan could hardly handle it, the burning in his chest, the tears falling down Dylan's face. Those harsh words. "Do you really think that's what I think of you?'

"I know it is! I-I heard you, I heard you on the phone last night-" Dylan choked off, the anger giving way to pure anguish as he was far too overwhelmed to do anything but sit right there on the living room floor and sob into his one remaining hand. All anger fell out of Ryan, it being replaced with shame and guilt. "With Kaitlyn. I heard you. How-how you're tired, how...how I don't do anything for myself and-and you're always taking care of me and...I know you hate me..."

"Okay, okay, listen..." Ryan sat down in front of him. "...I did...I did say something like that. I don't hate you, though, I never could." Dylan scoffed. "I don't. Fuck. I am tired. And I shouldn't've talked about us with Kaitlyn like that. I-I'm sorry."

Dylan swallowed but remained silent, sniffling a little. Ryan tried to move in closer, to touch him, but he shifted back, not quite meeting Ryan's gaze.

"Babe, you tried to drive your Jeep. That...that you haven't driven since before camp last year, okay? I just. I know you're not happy. Being dependent like this." Ryan swallowed hard, voice shaking as he spoke the next few words. "And I just...I'm not happy, either."

"So, so this is it, huh? Goodbye, then?" He sniffled, trying to look defiant but the wobble of his bottom lip gave it away.

"No, no, Dylan. This isn't goodbye." Ryan scrambled a little, hands tucked in his lap and clenching, wanting so badly to touch and hold and reassure him, but he knew it wasn't welcomed at the moment. "Let's...see about getting you back into physical therapy. Maybe? If you're ready. Um, I know the appointments were a bit expensive but I've got some money saved up and...and we can make it work. Please."

"Why? You're not happy with me, so...so why bother?" Dylan's voice was getting raw, scratchy now.

"I'm not happy seeing you hurt. And I'm not...not happy worrying all the time if you're going to get hurt worse. Or...or having to do things for you when I know it frustrates you." Ryan sighed. "But I love you. You're it for me, Dylan. Forever. It's you or...or it's no one."

"Ryan-" He shook his head, blinking away tears.

"I mean it. Please. Please, look at me, Dylan." Dylan finally did, and Ryan reached his hands back over, taking Dylan's hand and residual limb into his hold. This time he didn't pull back. "I love you, Dylan."

"I love you, too." Dylan sobbed, melting into Ryan's hold then, the walls crumbling down as he finally let go, let himself feel. "It's just so fucking much, man, it's so hard and...and I'm scared, I know I'll never be the same. And I don't...I don't want to think it, but I'm worried you're only with me because you feel bad about...about this."

"Dylan." Ryan looked down at him and smiled, brushing back some of his messy hair. "Remember when I gave you my number at the hospital?"

"Yeah?" He sniffled. "What about that?"

"I wrote it before everything. Before the van. Before being in Mr. H's office." Ryan's voice full of something fond and sweet, truth. "I wrote it three weeks into camp."

"What?" He pulled upright, face red, but tears finally breaking for something more soft, more calm. "Really? I, but, you..."

"I had a thing for you like you did me." Ryan laughed. "You're just, y'know, better at making your intentions known."

Dylan laughed himself then, pulling Ryan back into his arms, before kissing him gently. "I'm...I'm sorry, f-for what I said and...and did, it was stupid, it was-"

"It's okay." Ryan shook his head. "We're done with it. It's over."

"Okay." Dylan nodded, flopping back into Ryan's hold and taking a deep sigh. "Okay." He echoed, Schrodinger peeking out over the stairs now that it had gotten much quieter in the room.

It would take time, and healing, and lots of therapy of all kinds, but they would indeed be okay.

#sorry i cant keep ever have a bad or unhappy ending even in my shorter ficlets so #my stuff #fanfic #ficlet #the quarry #drylan #rylan #radioheads #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Rina/Ren Fukushi

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have Rina/Ren Fukushi with us, our favorite future principal dancer. Rina/Ren, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue ballet?

Rina/Ren: *awkward smile* Uh hey...thanks for having me. Ballet is the epitome of grace and discipline. It's a form of art that allows me to express myself in a way that words cannot. From a young age, I was drawn to its beauty and complexity.

Interviewer: Describe your art, ballet, in your own words.

Rina/Ren: Ballet is about precision and control. Every movement is calculated and deliberate, conveying emotions and stories through the language of dance. It requires immense dedication and practice to perfect each step and technique.

Interviewer: How do you want to be seen by others?

Rina/Ren: I want to be seen as a dedicated and talented dancer. Someone who has worked hard to achieve excellence in their craft.

Interviewer: And how do you want your ballet to be seen by others?

Rina/Ren: I want my ballet to be seen as a form of art that evokes emotions and tells stories. I want the audience to be moved by my performances, to feel what I feel when I dance.

Interviewer: What trait do you value most in a friend?

Rina/Ren: Loyalty. I may not have many friends, but those I do have are incredibly important to me. I value their support and understanding.

Interviewer: You mentioned that you don't have many friends...would you say you have a best friend in your small circle?

Rina/Ren: Umm...my younger sister, Himari, she's a really good kid and no one understands me better than her. I'm honestly so proud to call her my sister. She's so smart and talented, incredibly funny and intuitive...wow...I'm really gonna miss her.

Interviewer: It sounds like you two are really close. When you go to NYU do you hope to make a new best friend?

Rina/Ren: I've never really been one to force friendships. I just feel like if it clicks then that's great and if not that's fine too. Respect and mutual understanding are really important to me. If someone is going to be my best friend they have to know and truly understand my priorities.

Interviewer: Would you describe your ideal partner the same way?

Rina/Ren: I haven't really thought about it. You may be right though. If I was going to date someone they would need to be able to understand my ambition and not resent me for it. Anyways, my focus is on ballet right now, not romantic relationships.

Interviewer: What is your latest obsession?

Rina/Ren: Perfecting my technique. I'm always striving to improve, to push myself further and become the best dancer I can be.

Interviewer: *sighs deeply* Do you have anything you're interested in that isn't ballet related?

Rina/Ren: I guess just general self care. If I'm not in good condition then I can't properly focus on my craft. With that in mind I focus on eating healthy, skincare, and an extensive workout routine. And yes, I do take days off. Burnout is very real and it can only hinder my process.

Interviewer: Sounds like you've got a super productive routine. Now on to something more personal. What was your first kiss like?

Rina/Ren: I haven't had my first kiss yet. *thoughtful pause* Well not technically...I've had one on stage...but nothing real. My senior year the ballet department was putting on Romeo and Juliet. I was cast as Romeo/Juliet. We never actually kissed during rehearsal so my first kiss was during the performance.

Interviewer: Was there any romantic tension between you and your fellow principal dancer?

Rina/Ren: No, obviously it was just for show. I wouldn't be a very good performer if I couldn't separate myself from the character I'm portraying.

Interviewer: Ok, ok understood. I think I already know the answer to this next question, but I still have to ask. When was your last relationship, and why did it end?

Rina/Ren: I've never been in a serious relationship. I've always been focused on ballet, and I haven't had time for anything else.

Interviewer: I thought so. What’s your ideal Friday night?

Rina/Ren: After I've finished practicing, I usually meet up with Himari at this indie movie theater Obscure Cinema. They have a year round Freaky Friday series where they show all kinds of horror, thriller and sci-fi movies. It's honestly pretty small so they don't have a concessions stand. Usually we'll stop and grab some food to take with us. It's definitely a little tradition that I'm gonna miss.

Interviewer: What’s the last song you listened to?

Rina/Ren: I don't really listen to music outside of ballet, but if I had to choose, it would probably be something classical.

Interviewer: How do you behave in a relationship?

Rina/Ren: I can't say for certain, as I haven't been in a relationship. I really don't know, I guess, I hope that my first relationship will be with someone that I'm really comfortable with. It would be nice to be able to be completely myself and feel seen and understood. I know that I'm extremely ambitious and that could make my future partner feel really lonely. Hopefully we could both be patient enough with each other to find the right balance.

Interviewer: Do you approach those you’re interested in or let them come to you?

Rina/Ren: I haven't really met anyone that I've felt drawn to enough. I think that I would really have to like someone, at least half as much as I like ballet. *silly grin* And that would be a lot, but I think that if I liked them that much then maybe I would try to make the effort.

Interviewer: What would someone have to do to grab you attention? to make you notice them in a romantic way?

Rina/Ren: I really admire people who put their entire selves into what they are passionate about. Someone who is driven, goal oriented, I think that someone who is exceedingly dedicated to their craft is probably the same in their relationships.

Interviewer: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Rina/Ren: I feel like this one is pretty obvious, but it's laziness. I can't stand people who half ass things. If you're going to do something then do it right.

Interviewer: What do you notice first about a person?

Rina/Ren: Their posture and body language. It can tell you a lot about a person. How someone tilts their head, the fall of their shoulders, if they speak with their hands, every little detail is very enlightening.

Interviewer: What did you dream about last night?

Rina/Ren: I don't really remember my dreams. I try to make sure that I always get the perfect restful 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Interviewer: Thank you so much for coming in today! It's been great to learn a bit more about you and how your mind works.

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