#slowly healing

[marandina-001]

I'd like to meet Robbie (cavetown) just to hug him, tell him how proud i am of him and to thank him for getting me through hard times with his music and other videos

#cavetown #robbie #robbie skinner #idol #self h@rm #not anymore #slowly healing #healing #ive been watching him grow since he was 19 #and im so proud of him #of his growth

[keep-going-to-the-sunrise]

Oh, how tempting it is to stalk someone that no longer is part of your life just to feel some control to cope over the fact that you allowed them to get to know a part of you that makes you vulnerable.

#kgtts #healing from a toxic relationship #slowly healing #spilled thoughts #too many thoughts #1am thoughts #ex friend #ex whatever #ex

[zeroeightzeroone]

this week and last week, i’ve started to unpack and go through my relationship with my toxic ex in therapy in more depth and detail. its a lot to revisit but at the same time hearing validation–that what he did to me was not my fault, that i didn’t deserve that, and how i shouldn’t blame myself–is incredibly comforting.

it’s hard to unlearn that pattern of thought but i’m working on it, slowly

#nikkys tmi #slowly healing #men suck

[dearmyexmom]

Dear Mom,

One of the hardest things about not talking to you anymore is the fact that sometimes, I really miss you.

I miss you so much that it hurts.

But what hurts the most isn’t the fact that I know that talking to you will only ever generate stress and heartache. It isn’t the fact that talking to you will give you a victory that you’d lord over me for the remainder of your life; how you lost your daughter but managed through constant letters and cards and gumption, you won her back. The hardest part is the fact that I don’t actually miss YOU. I miss the mother I SHOULD have had. I miss the comfort of being able to go to an adult, to be held and told that I’m going to be okay. I miss the idea that I had someone who would always be there for me, who would have my back, and did it because they loved me. But we both know that wanting that from you, of all people, was one of the reasons that I left.

You couldn’t give that to me. I know that know, after nine years of silence. But I still crave that. I still crave the IDEA of a mother. And sometimes it makes me wonder if I made the right choice. If what I did was really in my best interest. When holidays come up, I wonder if the loneliness is worth it. I play out ideas in my head as to how it would be if I were still talking to you, or anyone else from our family. I wonder how I would feel, if instead of rejection, I’d gotten acceptance. My family tree feels so small since I trimmed the branches and I miss the feeling of being underneath a swath of people that were meant to be there for me. Who decided to have me, and then for the eighteen years I was with them, put themselves over me.

I know that the second I would say that, I’d get an argument, too. I still talk to my sister, and she defends you. She says that you were sick, that you’re doing so much better now, that so much went on behind the scenes that we didn’t see. But the fact of the matter is, or at least how I feel about it— you never did it where I could see it, because you didn’t actually do it. You like the idea of saying that you stood up for us. But you had eighteen years to do it even once. You knew that he hit us. You knew his hands went where we didn’t want them. You heard us say, ‘stop’. But television, or the sewing machine, or ducking your head was easier for you. And that’s putting aside all of the things that you did yourself, that you are still doing. It hurts when you tell me I’m punishing my siblings by not talking to you. It hurts when you send me a birthday card or text about how much you love me, and how you’re sorry for what I think you did to me. Maybe that’s actually what hurts the most. Is the lies, that you send to me, on my birthday of all days. The apology that isn’t an apology, just a four letter word that USED to fix everything between you and me.

There’s so much I wish I could say to your face. So much anger, hurt, and confusion. There are so many questions I want to ask you. But I also know that none of my questions would ever get the truth. It would be whatever you thought you could say to make me like you again. Or whatever you could think to say that would make you the hero, even when you know that at best, you were the character on the sidelines that watched it all happen. There’s also a lot of joy that I’ve come across in my life recently that I wish I could share with you. That I wish I could share with my mom. My marriage, my successes, my happy little moments. I wish I could come to you for advice, for guidance, as a daughter should have been able to do with her mother. But when I look at the phone, or when I go on social media, when I get so close to hitting that ‘unblock’ button because I think my heart can’t take it anymore—

I remember.

You didn’t actually care about those things when I was a kid. There were more important things in your life at the time. There’s still a lot of important things in your life. And it isn’t the fact that I want to be, or wanted to be, your center of attention. Or that I feel like not ENOUGH time was given to me. You had four kids, three of which I helped you raise. It’s the fact that there wasn’t enough room in your mental floor for me at all. It’s the fact that it wasn’t until the very week that I was packing up to leave your house, that you wanted to know about my day. Or that until after I wasn’t in your house anymore, that you wanted to call every day. It’s the fact that while I was five feet away from you, you couldn’t turn around to talk to me. But when I left and looked for someone who wanted my attention and time, you had to monopolize what you never wanted. And at first, I was so happy. A mom that wanted me around and wanted to talk to me had come out of the woodwork, had risen out of the eighteen foot grave that was our relationship . . . But who got angry at me when I was at work. Who got upset when I couldn’t drop everything I was doing while living a state away from you so that you could come over at the drop of a hat. Who told me she wished I would lose her number, and who told me that she hopes I was happy with my “new” family.

Fuck, mom. Did those words hurt the most. I didn’t want a new family. I didn’t go out to find one because my old one wasn’t good enough for me. I didn’t leave because I wanted to hurt you, or because I felt like I was too good for you. I left, because I was so tired of hurting and wondering why I wasn’t good enough for YOU. I still sometimes wish that I had been.

I think that’s enough words for now. I’ve gotten some of it out, at the very least. There’s a lot more to come, too. But maybe . . . Just maybe, getting it out . . . Little by little, saying what I’ve wanted to say to you for almost a decade . . .

Maybe that’s how I heal.

From,

Me.

#dear mom #tw truama #sad thoughts #slowly healing #letters to parents #writing #word salad i’m so sorry for whoever actually reads this

[celestialthinking]

I will always envy you

I have always seen you from afar. We were never friends, we couldn’t have ever been friends. I had too many problems to be able to be friends with someone who hardly had any at all. You had friends, you had extracurriculars, you had the grades. You got more friends, got the leads, got up the ranks. You have the perfect Instagram feed and perfect blog. Everything I wish I could’ve had for myself.

I know that we can’t see everyone’s problems and that we are human and have our lives…

but it’s hard to watch from the outside.

- jlp

#writers on tumblr #thoughts #life #dwelling #slowly healing #sad thoughts #memoir #autobiography #authenticity

[bakeddonutt]

Just wanted to share something in a space where no one really pays attention because I wanted to SCREAM IT but also didn’t want to seem like I’m just looking for attention 😬

But, YESTERDAY was the 5-year anniversary of when my husband and I started dating.

It’s a HUGE DEAL for me because he is officially my longest relationship.

Before him, it was almost 5 years with my abusive ex. My longest relationship had always been my most volatile. Screaming, threatening to kill himself, telling me everyone would be happier if I just died, so much physical abuse I still flinch if someone moves toward me too fast.

But in all this time with my now-husband, I’ve healed so much. I know I’m not all the way there yet, and I don’t know how long it’ll take. But I’m SO MUCH happier. I can communicate. I don’t feel like I need to run away at a small disagreement. We don’t yell, we don’t argue, we talk things out with respect and love, always trying to solve the ‘problem’ and never a MEvsHIM situation.

I love my life. I love him. I still sometimes can’t believe he’s actually “dealt” with me for so long, but I’ve gotten better at telling myself he hasn’t “dealt” with me and I’m not a nuisance to love like I used to think I was.

If anyone reads this, and just so happens to be in a bad relationship, or healing from, it does get better. And I say that as someone who used to HATE when people said that to me. Because I truly didn’t think it could. But it DOES. It really fucking does. 🥹

#healing from abuse #narcissistic abuse #still healing #healing is a process #slowly healing #relationships #it truly gets better #5 year anniversary #healthy relationships #learning to be healthy

[wormspoodle]

kratt brothers when they see an animal

#literally my childhood comfort show #from what I can remember #i am slowly healing my inner child by drawing my favorite shows #wild kratts #chris kratt #martin kratt #kratt brothers #pbs kids #they mean sm to me

[chloesimaginationthings]

Mike's mouth scars looking fainter and more healed in that pizza sim art ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's so cool! Continuity

Pizzeria simulator Michael crumbs!!

#ask reply #TYSM BTWW im glad you noticed that! #tbh I’m still working out how pizza sim Michael would look like #so this was just a test to see what people liked about him! #I’m glad the more healed mouth scars hits well! #cause I thought it was a fun lil design quirk #Michael is healing just slowly soon he won’t need all those bandages

[outdatedsoftball]

So you gotta go, leave, don’t waste your twenties on me

Your young, free, but I feel you falling asleep

#slowly healing #Spotify

[loveinhawkins]

While he’s still not recovered enough to play the guitar, Eddie takes up writing again. He uses a scrappy notebook, nothing special: to start with, it’s more a record of his handwriting slowly becoming clearer; gripping the pen, moving it across the page, no longer seems such a daunting task.

And look, it’s not like he’s Shakespeare here, somehow churning out masterpieces from a hospital bed. Sometimes he’s just doodling, flooding the margins with black ink until it bleeds through to the other side, looping spirals over and over for no reason—or maybe just to prove that he can.

He always keeps the notebook close by: folded over, the spine broken so it can rest propped up on the bedside cabinet. Sometimes he forgets, has to quickly put it under the sheets if he’s still writing whenever a nurse comes in.

He doesn’t know what he’s afraid of them seeing, exactly. Just remembers the fear of middle school—a boy ripping his notebook out of his hands and just laughing at Eddie’s desperate attempts to get it back.

It had been a lesson—to not be careless. To not leave pieces of himself lying around for others to handle.

Gradually, he fills more and more pages. Diary entries emerge in between mindless scribbles, and they help even if he’s not ready for talking about March yet, not even to himself.

He painstakingly logs conversations had during visiting hours; just focusing on one word leading into the next is calming, helps bring him out of his head. He’s got whole pages devoted to Wayne’s birdwatching, and actual full-blown diagrams thanks to Robin Buckley filling him in on obscure band kid drama.

On nights when his heart races for no apparent reason, he stays up writing—usually drifts off to sleep by the afternoon, notebook slipping through his ink-stained fingers.

He stirs awake on one such day, and he doesn’t know why until he hears the rustle of pages, the gentle thunk of something being set down.

His notebook.

“Did you look?” he murmurs, more asleep than awake. Maybe that’s why he asks: time is strange in dreams, long buried fears drifting up to the surface.

“No.”

And Eddie manages to open his eyes just enough to see Steve standing by his bed. He’s neatly set the notebook in its usual place on the cabinet, except he’s shut it so the edges don’t curl up all that much.

“No, I didn’t look. Eddie, that’s yours, okay?” Steve says softly, but no less serious for it.

And Eddie wonders if there’s more to the pages he’s filled, even the scribbles—if he’s revealed more of himself than he thought.

“You can if you want,” Eddie mumbles into the pillow.

“Shh. Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t mind if it’s you,” Eddie says. He reaches for words, clumsy with drowsiness, and he surprises himself with what he says, but he finds that he means it. Feels it, so certainly. “Want… want you to see.”

The thought would’ve been terrifying years ago.

But this isn’t middle school, and he trusts Steve Harrington with his heart.

#i just love slow gentle healing and recovery #slowly trusting slowly falling in love #pre steddie #eddie munson ficlet #steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie

[misasun]

#Rare #aestethic #slowly healing #Spotify

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Tim, who out of nowhere, enters Jason's safehouse through the window.

Jason, arranging his books on the shelf: Doesn't mean I'm back for family brunches or whatever the fuck you guys do, doesn't mean you get to do that.

Tim, unbothered, approaches Jason: I have something to tell you, Jay.

Jason, looks at Tim for the first time: Which is? And Jesus, Timmy, don't put your dirty shoes on the clean rug!

Tim, grins: I'm getting better at cooking!

Jason, doubtful: Really?

Tim nods.

Jason: You asking Alf for lessons too?

Tim, grins wider: By playing mobile cooking games.

Jason, blinks: Uh.... Suuuure. But why come to me?

Tim: To show you. Duh.

Jason, very doubtful: Okayyy.

Tim: I'll make it a surprise even! You go on do something outside then I'll have some food ready when you get home.

Jason, shakes his head: I think it's better when I'm here and-

Tim: Trust me, Jay!

Jason: This isn't a prank or something, right? Dickface didn't pay you for this?

Tim: I'm here on my own will.

Jason, sighs: Alright then. Make something quick. I'll just go to the store and get something for Roy.

Jason, before exiting: And if you burn my books.... The safety of my gun will be useless, Timbo.

minutes later, Jason gets an alarm from his safehouse.

there's smoke coming from the pots. a spatula is on the floor. some sauce of some kind is on the cream colored walls. but thankfully, the place isn't on fire. yet.

Jason, enters the kitchen: What the fuck just happened, Tim??? You said I could trust you.

Tim, with bloodshot eyes and messy hair: WHERE ARE MY BOOSTERS? WHERE ARE MY UNLOCKS? WHERE ARE MY UPGRADES???

Jason, already turning off the stove: The fuck--Timmy, you are not playing one of the games on your phone right now!

Jason, picking up the utensils on the floor: This is the real world and there are no boosters, unlocks and fucking upgrades!!!

Tim, grabbing Jason by the shirt: You lie!!!!

meanwhile in Jason's safehouse.

Jason: So the clone is the solution for Tim's meltdowns. When did they become a thing?

Roy, chuckles: I think they've been together for quite some time, Jaybird.

Dick, sighs: Apparently. And I already told Timmy about those games in his phone. He gets too passionate.

Jason: Too passionate isn't the right word, Dick. He nearly burned down the place.

Dick: He wanted to impress you, Jay!

Roy, smiles: At least Lian's got some other playmates aside from me and Jaybird.

they watch as Lian pours tea on Tim and Kon's toy cups.

#slowly back to writing #currently healing stage from that bad sickness i had #i had to find an excuse to add lian here :3 #also cus ive been playing cooking games when i got sick and i thought of this #unhinged tim drake #incorrect batfam #incorrect dc #batfamily #batbros #batkids #dc robins #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #roy harper #lian harper #kon el kent #jayroy #timkon #dc comics #yel chronicles

[just-a-little-kreature]

Okay i know we’ve all noticed the many, many parallels between Jean and Neil but do u ever think about how Jean and Andrew, after being having their boundaries violently crossed so many times, both found someone who will respect their boundaries at any cost?? do u???

#this parallel is destroying me slowly #tsc #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #the kings men #andrew minyard #jean moreau #andreil #jerejean #THEY ARE HEALING #all for the game #aftg

[mwagneto]

i truly am losing my mind tho coz like i literally spent weeks/years waiting to see if ofmd/gomens was bait and they're NOT. and they're both getting explicitly romantic promos and little hearts in the posters and the mcs kissing on screen coz they're canonically in looove it's all so. ohhmy fucking god

#EVERYBODY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF I DIDN'T WIN GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW !!!!!!!! #obviously it's way more insane w g.omens but they both make me saurr emotional like dude holy fffuck.... #it's the heart shaped posters for me. like i legit need to take my brain out and squeeze it dude im sooo <333 #ofmd #our flag means death #gomens #good omens #slowly slowly healing from the absolute devastation of bbc sh s4 ... you guys have #no idea how much damage that ending did to me like i was literally inconsolable. it was so. #and now i just get to have these?? FOR FREE?? 😭😭😭

[daydreamycrustacean]

Was gonna post this along with something else but this felt elaborate enough to post on its own so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#drawing is slowly becoming easier...healing from college burnout that made me hate art. #art block slowly fixed by drawing my newest awful special guys i am cringe i am free etc etc #dcr art #hannibal #nbc hannibal

[redsoda1111]

my offering for swap!au (dozo)

i have a lot of Thoughts about this au. specifically where both kni and vash's goals differ but yet i still try to keep the same. the shift is, who was the one who got rem's speech after tesla's revelation.

kni uses his powers of creation so as not to let his sisters suffer the end of a last run anymore. hence the black hair. meanwhile, vash doesn't want to eradicate all of humanity, but to control them and strip them of their free will. he thinks in this way, he could control how plants are to be treated and kni won't have to slowly kill himself for the Humans and their sisters. he's starting a cult lmao

#i have more Thoughts on this #kni also does preses his head against the glass of a plant's tank but instead of healing the plant #he learns how to create whatever the plant was designed to generate #i also think with vash having lost faith on the only human he thought he could trust and love like a mother #he'd be Extra clingy to kni and the separation anxiety is Real af. like really 'there's no one else but you' vibes #and for them to be opposing forces i think vash wouldnt care so much about the plants as much as kni does. #he just wants his brother by his side and not to slowly kill himself for them Period #you could say he'd be a little jealous as well. #SO MANY POSSIBILITIES!!! #trigun #trigun stampede #KV #plantcest #swap au #millions knives #vash the stampede #redsoda art