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wondersinwaynemanor · 3 days

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let's pretend that this is the right timeline because what if Dick becomes Batman at the same time when Wally becomes The Flash?

let's also say that this is just like the Justice League animated series wherein the League members don't know each member's identities (except of course Bruce, he knows everybody).

how funny would it be if Dick and Wally are together and the rest of the League are confused because all of a sudden Batman and Flash are close like super close? i mean they have witnessed how Flash gets intimidated by Batman. now, that's not the case anymore.

during a meeting:

Hal, leaning to John during a League meeting, whispers: I'm not losing my mind, right?

John, whispers back: I think I know what you mean.

Hal: Why is Flash making heart eyes to Bats????

John: I know??? Flash doesn't even look him in the eyes before.

Hal: That's so odd, dude.

Batman glances at the two Green Lanterns which makes them shut up.

meanwhile, across the table, Martian Manhunter has a light smile on his lips and Superman covers his laugh with a cough.

-

at the cafeteria:

Ollie: Hey, Dinah. Have you noticed something unusual between Batman and Flash lately?

Dinah: It is quite unusual, huh? I was talking to Hawkgirl the other day and she said she saw Flash bridal carry Bats.

Ollie: What the actual fu-

Flash, approaches the couple's table with a big bowl of nachos on his hand: Hey, guys! Mind if I sit with you?

Ollie and Dinah give a knowing look at each other. a conversation they definitely will finish later.

-

during in an another planet mission:

Batman, after announcing everyone's partners for the mission:... And lastly, I will pair up with Flash in today's mission.

Flash grins widely, that has Arthur thinking his cheeks might be hurting after that.

Arthur: Yeah, yeah. At this point, we already know, Bats!

the Green Lanterns, along with Captain Marvel and Booster Gold, snicker at his comment.

Batman ignores Arthur's comment and the rest of the members scatter to their assigned locations.

Victor, who was paired with Arthur: Was gonna give that comment too.

Arthur: It's like they are inseparable all of a sudden.

Victor, shakes his head: Well, I have seen weirder things.

-

in the meeting hall:

Wonder Woman, pulls Batman in the corner of the room: Okay, that's enough. You are truly ignoring me. What is going on with you lately?

Batman: Did the rest of the League put you up to this?

Wonder Woman, has her hands on her hips: They didn't need to. So, tell me. And don't you ever lie to me, I can see right through you, Batman.

Batman, sighs: It's hard for me to explain. I can't-I can't tell you right now.

Wonder Woman: Hera! Now, Bru-Batman.

before Batman responses, the door of the meeting hall opens and in comes Robin with his katana. the conversations between the League members come to a stop as they stare at the young hero.

Robin, glances at everyone, before approaching Flash: I need help with an important matter.

Flash, smiles and ruffles Robin's hair, as if that's second nature: Of course, little dude.

Hal, stands up from his seat: THAT'S IT! Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on????

Ollie, stands up with him: Are we in another dimension that I don't know about?????

Dinah pulls Ollie down by his arm to make him sit again.

the rest of the League members start to converse against each other.

Superman, floats a bit from his seat: Why don't we all settle down? There's nothing to be alarmed about.

Robin, shakes his head: Tt. Absolute fools.

by the time Bruce and Barry are back:

-

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: Chum, you could at least be discreet with Wally.

Dick: It's not my fault, B! I swear I was going to explain to Aunt Diana then Dami entered the room.

Damian: Tt. Don't blame me, Grayson. Why don't you lecture West on how to be more responsible? He left me on read when I asked help for my Science project.

Dick, sighs: And what about Timmy? He could have helped.

Damian: I don't want anything to do with Drake.

Bruce massages his temples as he feels a headache coming up.

-

Barry: Wally!!!!

Wally, zooms right in front of Barry: I couldn't help it, okay?? Dick is just irresistible.

Iris giggles as she prepares the table for dinner.

Barry, sighs: That's alright. I'll talk to Bats on how we can explain it to the team.

Wally, grins and sits down by the table: It was hard not to laugh at them. They were so confused.

Barry, chuckles: I'm sure Hal's expression was the funniest.

Wally, laughs: You have no idea, Uncle Barry.

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incorrectbatfamandfriends · 2 months

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Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-

Dick: The stalking?

Bruce: No, we settled that-

Jason: His cloning experiments?

Bruce: I thought he stopped that?

Damian: His hit list?

Bruce: What?

Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?

Bruce: spleen?

Jason: No it’s gotta be the-

Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?

#incorrect batfam #incorrect batfamily quotes #dc comics #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #red robin #batman #jason todd #dick grayson #nightwing #red hood #bruce wayne #dc robin #robin #damian wayne #he is SO ground #he’s gonna be UN-emancipated

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yjcorefourenjoyer · 3 months

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AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND

Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.

But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.

But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like

“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”

AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”

and Batman would respond

“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”

JL: “NO?!”

#Batman #dick grayson #Jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #batkids #batboys #batman au #dc comics #batfam #batfamily #justice league #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect batfam

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strange-birb · 6 months

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Based on og bost by @thethirdtriplet

Order left to right pic 1 lolz

Damian, cass, dick, duke, Tim, Steph :)

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arguablysomaya · 11 months

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Jason: I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been so nauseous lately

Dick, seriously: Maybe you’re pregnant

*they sit there in silence for a moment*

Jason: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot. You for suggesting that, or me because I almost had a panic attack

#batfam #batfamily #incorrect quotes #batman #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batfam quotes #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect batfam #dc #jason todd #dick grayson #dc universe #dcu #1k #5k #10k

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arianna-creates · 9 months

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@aliteralchicken 's old textpost made me go feral a few months back and after seeing it again I decided to finish this sketch, color it, and post bc Tim's fit made me think of the barbie movie

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yourmomxx · 1 year

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Bruce, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Robin!Dick: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Bruce, with the tone of someone who is used to Dick: Outstanding.

Bruce: This is what I'm talking about people.

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zylev-blog · 2 months

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*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*

Danny: How do you eat pickles?

Dick: What do you mean?

Danny: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes.

Dick: Yeah, that's why you use a fork.

Danny B: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean.

Dick: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work.

Dick: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl.

Danny: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing.

Dick: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug.

Danny: *Nods in agreement*

Jason: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS!

Danny: Jeez, okay.

Dick: Quit yelling at us already.

#dp x dc #dp x dc au #dp x dc writing prompt #dp dc crossover #dp x dc fanfic #dp x dc prompt #danny phantom #danny phantom crossover #dp x dc crossover #dp crossover #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batfam #incorrect quotes #incorrect danny phantom quotes #dpxdc prompts #dpxdc #dc x dp crossover

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bruciemilf · 1 year

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Stephanie: What's everyone gonna be for the Halloween party? I'm going as Daphne, so no one can take her

[Dissapointed groans]

Dick: Elle Woods in her pink bunny costume

Cass: John Wick

Duke: Pikachu

Damian: Mother

Jason: Jason Vorhees for the first half, and my funeral clothes for the other

Tim: I'm going as a dissapointment

-

Tim, walking in with a red hood costume: Hey, guys, having fun?

#dc #dc comics #text posts #batfam #batfamily #incorrect quotes #incorrect batfam #stephanie brown #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #tim drake

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dick-the3rd · 2 years

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Red Hood and the rest of the Bats working together

Nightwing, pointing to a fallen henchmen: Hood, care to explain why is he bleeding from the head?

Red Hood: Don't worry, he's just unconscious. I hit him with a bat

Nightwing: Hood. I don't think-

Red Robin: Wait, with a bat or with a Bat?

Red Hood: For fucks sake. A real bat, like a wooden bat. I didn't throw the gremlin if that's -

Red Robin, now just being a little shit: A wood bat? Like, a wooden batarang?

Red Hood: No, you ass, like a- Wait. Do you think we could do it? Change all of B's batarangs for wooden ones?

Nightwing: Guys...

Red Robin: I mean. Probably? There must be a glaze we could cover the wood to make it stronger right?

Red Hood: And with Ivy covering Gotham in trees every month or so we could find the material easily

Robin: It has the benefits of also being biodegradable

Nightwing: Okay I need the focus back to the bleeding-

Red Hood, nodding: Right, sustentability is trending these days

Red Robin: But we would still need metal ones. What if there's a fire? Also, we can't throw wooden batarangs at Ivy, this is like, throwing dead bodies at a person

Nightwing, now getting interested too: You're right, throwing wood at Ivy would only make things worse, she would get mad and at the end we would only be giving her more ammo since she controls plants and all

Red Hood: So what, half of the batarangs should be wood and the other half metal?

Oracle, who had been listening this since the beginning: No, the proportion wouldn't fit. We haven't been fighting Ivy that many times these days, and with the right coating the wood could become fireproof. If we made everything right, about 10% of the batarangs would need to stay metallic, but the rest could be made of wood.

Robin: We would need to find a way to make the weight right. Unbalanced weapons are more of a liability on the field, doesn't matter how much of a improvement it becomes on other areas

Nightwing: We could try adding some metallic alloy to the glaze, not enough to cover it, but just so the weight between the two isn't so different

Red Hood: But a metallic alloy wouldn't mess with the biodegradability of the thing?

Oracle: Not if it's something natural and unrefined, it's a bit crass but it would work

Red Robin: It's a plan then.

--

A few months later,

Batman, glaring at the batwoodrangs: What the fuck is this

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wondersinwaynemanor · 2 months

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Bruce: Jaylad, I need you to be at the Wayne gala this weekend.

Jason: But why me, B? Why not pretty boy, Dickie? I'm sure the ladies miss him.

Bruce: Your brother has a double shift this weekend.

Jason: How about the brat? He needs the socialization.

Bruce: Will be at the Kents' for a sleepover.

Jason: How about -

Bruce: The rest of your siblings will be busy, lad.

Jason: But Bruce, I'll be busy too. And even though I wasn't, I don't want to be around those pretentious fuck - people.

Bruce: Diana will be there.

Jason: Why didn't you start with that? Absolutely! I'll be there, old man. And I'll need a new suit.

--

at the gala

Diana: Aw, you look really handsome, little prince.

Jason blushes and smiles like the little boy who saw Wonder Woman for the first time.

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incorrectbatfamandfriends · 3 months

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Dick, at Damian soccer game, watching from the sidelines: Wooo! Let’s go Dami!

Random lady: Oh is he your son?

Dick, touched: Oh ha, he’s actually my brother!

*Later*

Dick, hanging out with Tim: Come on we should get ice cream.

Random Guy: Oh out for some father son bonding time?

Dick, grasping at the thought of looking old enough to have a college aged son: w h a t

#incorrect batfam #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfamily #batfam #tim drake #red robin #nightwing #dick grayson #damian wayne #robin #dick: Do I really look that old Timmy?

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shade9o9 · 2 months

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Batboys as a convo I had with my brothers

Dick: Me and Jason are going to Metropolis for a secret mission.

Damian: For what?

Tim: I believe that's the secret part of it.

Jason: *starts laughing*

#jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #damian wayne #bat brothers #batboys #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect batfam #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batfam quotes #nightwing #red hood #red robin #robin #this was funnier in my head

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strange-birb · 7 months

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I had too… I just had too

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arguablysomaya · 1 year

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Tim: Can we stay with you tonight?

Dick: Both of you? What happened?

Damian: Someone was playing with an ouija board and cursed the whole Manor.

Tim: Jason wasn’t any help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits, so he’s just throwing salt at them yelling “does this look like a hotel to you!?”

#batfam #batfamily #incorrect quotes #batman #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batfam quotes #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect batfam #dc #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damian wayne #1k #5k #10k

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raphael-angele · 2 years

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The Board

Damian, coming home from school woth paper in hand: AKHI! AKHI! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! *Shows paper*

Jason, looking at the paper: What's this?

Damian: I got an A+ on my book report!

Jason: Aww, habibi. That's amazing, I'm proud of you. This is going right up the board

Damian: Yaaay!

---

Duke, coming home from school: JASON! *bursts into Jason's room*

Jason: What's up?

Duke: You'll never guess what happened in school today

Jason: Tell me

Duke: In Literature class, our final semester project was to perform a play

Jason, excited: And??!?

Duke, shows paper: I GOT THE LEAD!!!!

Jason: AAAAAAAHHH!!!! *fangirling*

Duke: AAAAAAAHHH!!!! *also fangirling*

Jason: *takes paper and puts it on the board then hugs Duke* AWWW YEAAAH! CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY!

---

Dick: Here you go, Jason. *Gives picture*

Jason: What's this?

Dick: Evidence. I killed someone and hid the body

Jason: So?

Dick: It was a guy selling kids

Jason: I'll be sure to put it on the board

---

Tim: I just punched a guy

Jason: And?

Tim: He was being homophobic to me and Bernard and Kon

Jason: You got a picture?

Tim: No, but I knocked out 2 teeth and put it in this small ziplock *gives ziplock with teeth*

Jason: Oooooh. Great job, Timmy. Never thought I'd be prouder of you.

#dc comics #dc #robin #damian wayne #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #red robin #red hood #duke thomas #signal #incorrect batfam #incorrect batfamily #batfamily incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes

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