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actress4him · 7 months

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Whumptober 2023 - Day 11 - Royal AU

This is the second piece I've written for the Brumaria Royal AU (neither of which have actually had Bruno in them). The first one can be found here and tells the story of Kamaria becoming the Princess of Ethorcon!

Taglist: @painful-pooch

The Shadow of Death Masterlist

No. 11: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.” | “No one will find you.”

Contains: lady whump, referenced past whump of a minor, claustrophobia, nyctophobia, corporal punishment, referenced beating, minor sh (scratching)

It’s so dark.

Kamaria rubs her hands up and down her satin skirt, trying to give her mind something to focus on besides the darkness. The rustle it makes is extraordinarily loud in the stillness. It’s no longer enough, though, not after this long standing in the tiny space, so she clenches her hands into fists, letting her long fingernails dig into her palms.

She needs out.

How long has it been, anyway? Time passes strangely in here. Minutes seem like hours, but the times that she convinces herself it hasn’t been that long, she’s just being dramatic, half a day has passed.

Her legs and back ache from standing in the same position, so likely it’s been at least an hour. It feels like it’s been many hours. She raises up onto her toes, relishing the stretch in her calves. On the way back down, though, her shoulder bumps up against the side of the wardrobe. The reminder of how small the space is buzzes through her whole body.

She needs out she needs out she needs out now.

She wants to scream, and kick, and generally raise a ruckus until someone comes and lets her out of here. She’s tried that before, though, back when she was young and first came to live at the castle. Either it does nothing but tire her out, because there’s no one around to hear, or Roderick does hear and she pays dearly for her insolence.

Right now, a beating or caning seems like it would be welcome, just because it would take place out in the open and the light. But she stays quiet, anyway. Scratching furiously at her arms placates some of the need to act out.

When all this first started, she wasn’t even bothered by darkness or small spaces. Even the first few times Roderick locked her in here, it wasn’t that bad. Frustrating, yes, but it didn’t make her anxious. Of course back then, she was small enough that she could sink to the floor, curl up and even nap.

She thinks it changed the first time he left her an entire day and night. She thought he’d forgotten her. And that’s the fear now, irrational as it may be - what if he forgets about her? What if something happens to him and no one else knows where she is? What if he decides she needs even more punishment and takes it too far, leaving her here until she starves or dehydrates or maybe simply loses all of her senses?

No one else but the two of them ever come into this room. No one will find her.

She knows it’s stupid. He’s left her for an entire day and night more than once, but it’s never been longer than that. Still, every time he starts pushing her this direction, her stomach churns and she considers falling to her knees and begging him to punish her another way. She’ll never actually go that far, of course. It would give him too much satisfaction. But the anxiety of facing hours in the darkness crawls up her throat and threatens to choke her every time.

Has it been another hour yet? She’s starting to get a headache. Whether from lack of sleep, food, or water, she has no idea.

If she could only braid a strand of her hair, that would keep her occupied, but it’s all pinned up in a ridiculous Ethorconite hairstyle. Scratching her arms is good. The sting of it keeps her from going crazy. Roderick will fuss about how she’s marred her skin later and she’ll have to wear long sleeves until the marks disappear, but it’s worth it.

She stops moving suddenly, straining to listen. There was something out there, something made a noise…right? She could swear she heard a footstep or maybe a door shutting.

The seconds tick by, the only sound her shaky breathing, hitting the wooden door and bouncing back to her ears. Please please please…

No one opens the door. The darkness stretches on.

#whumptober2023 #no.11 #lyric #all the lights going dark and my hope's destroyed #no one will find you #original content #fic #minor whump tw #claustrophobia tw #nyctophobia tw #corporal punishment tw #self harm tw #shadow of death #kamaria the assassin #royal au #lady whump #lady whumpee #fantasy oc #whump series

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serikyl · 1 year

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1, 13, and 50 for my boy Sparrow

SPARROWWWWW <333333 MY BEAUTIFUL BOY PART 2 <3333

1. Canon I Outright Reject

I have been wracking my brain but so far I do not think there have been any canon Sparrow moments or facts that have made me go >:O wow no

If anybody has any horrific ones I’m forgetting please remind me

13. Dumbest Thing They’ve Ever Done

While I don’t know about ever, nor do I know if this question wants goofy or not, but Sparrow is the ***king*** of having dumb/goofy/just plain embarrassing stuff happen to him all the tim

There was a beach day, I don’t know if this is in a no doodler AU where everyone is a little happier or what but!

Sparrow spent the whole morning nagging Lark to remember sunscreen, then proceeded to fall asleep with his sunglasses on without reapplying. He looked absolutely ridiculous for the whole rest of the week til it cleared up

Now angst bc I can’t stop thinking about it:

Okay so I think by the time they’re older, Sparrow counts helping Lark with the throne plan as one of the dumbest things he’s ever done

like, at the time, Lark had begged for his help and he couldn’t say no but now realizes how lucky he is to not have accidentally gotten Lark killed

like that whole situation gives him anxiety now when he thinks about how he could’ve lost his brother

50. A Memory They’ve Blocked Out

Sparrow once bought a game on steam, some ridiculous furry dating sim that he thought looked fun/didn’t realize it was quite as… Uhhh as it ended up being

Unfortunately, he absolutely forgot that Steam shows your friends what you’re playing, screenshots were sent to the group chat, Sparrow was VERY embarrassed, everyone was teasing him, Lark left the chat entirely bc he didn’t want to know ((and was added back by Nick twenty minutes later))

Also angst edition bc I STILL couldn’t stop thinking about it:

I think there are definitely some Ravenloft incidents that Sparrow has blocked out of his memory

Its tricky bc I usually write the twin’s memories of their traumas as very clear bc they tend to replay the situations in their head

But I think Barry’s “spanked one of the kids but Henry doesn’t know which” moment from that early Dad Fact was a Ravenloft incident

He’d said “Lark if you move I hurt Sparrow, Sparrow if you move I hurt Lark”

Lark hadn’t meant for Sparrow to get hurt, sweet rambunctious boy has never been threatened like that, he didn’t expect it to actually happen

Sparrow remembers the threat, he remembers Lark jumping off a bench and shouting at Barry and Willy that he would NOT sit still and be quiet

and then the memory gets fuzzy until he had tears streaming down his face and was being held tightly by his brother who looked ***furious***

and only Sparrow knew him well enough to see the fear nested in amongst the anger

#sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #dndads #ask game #Unseeleigh #THANK YOU : D #I WILL DO AS MANY AS PEOPLE WANT : D #This is so fun for me adafsgshshsj

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lastcrush · 8 months

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everyone say hiiii to shion .... info under the cut... will be added to mass plots post & muse page asap. as always you can like this post if u are interested in plotting with xem

content warnings : cannibalism if we're being technical? he's a ghoul... pregnancy, discussion of abortion, death, murder, its just bad here

iwasaki, shion

nicknames n/a age twenty-nine gender genderfluid pronouns he/xe/she sexuality bisexual occupation medical examiner fellow species one-eyed ghoul / half-ghoul

okay as a brief . forewarning . yes my ghoul lore is heavily inspired by tg. no it is not 100% following tg because it's been (counts on fingers) 7+ years since i've read the manga. yes you may have seen similar lore on a previous blog that i may or may not have been writing on. please mind your own.

mom = hana , hunter of the supernatural dad = ghoul ... uh oh ! mom's sister = mei , hunter

hana's dad and mei kill shion's ghoul dad when they find out that he's a ghoul and that mom is pregnant. not much was known about how a human body will take to carrying the child of a ghoul at the time, because of the dwindling number of ghouls thanks to their work as hunters. despite her parents' pressuring to terminate her pregnancy, she goes through with it, declaring that she's done with hunting and that she just wants to raise her child in peace. she doesn't wish her upbringing, one filled with the fear of knowing too much about the world around her, on her unborn child. a week after her lover's death, she retires, leaving the agency her family has worked with for centuries and moving as far away as possible.

her pregnancy is terrible and every single day is a battle, especially since she's isolated herself from friends and family. when she goes into labor, she calls her sister and begs her, and only her to come help her. she's the only one she can trust, despite everything she saw happen that night.

hana dies after an awful labor, and she leaves mei with a notebook that she's kept for her child to have of her. the name shion is written there, and is given to the child. shion's eyes are human and reflexes are fine and everything is normal. definitely not a ghoul. a miracle baby, really. hana wanted shion to be raised unknowing of what lays beyond the veil that separates the normal world from the supernatural, so that's what mei and her wife, divya, do.

from a young age, shion is told two things. one: his moms love him very very much. two: he has a rare blood condition which is why he should be extremely cautious at all times. cautious of what? everything. shion is not allowed to spend unsupervised time out of the house, lest he's hurt without one of his moms nearby. when he asks what exactly is wrong, the same answer is given: nothing, he just needs a little extra care. questions about where his moms work are artfully dodged until shion simply stops asking.

he hits his rebellious period at age thirteen. shion sneaks out in the middle of the night to go to the skatepark with friends that don't consider themselves friends of shion as much as he does them. it's just a little dare, but it has shion ringing his doorbell in tears at two in the morning on a school night. divya is the one that opens the door, and she immediately yells for mei. the injury isn't so bad once the blood is rinsed away, but the hiccupping sobs don't disappear along with it. shion is convinced he's going to die because of the blood thing that they always told him to be careful of, and while his moms try to calm his anxieties, he's still fearful.

when he's older, he's deciding between a career in engineering and medicine. engineering supports how introverted he is, but he is ridiculously curious about his blood disorder that he still hasn't gotten questions for. besides, he's been seeing things. he decides to go into medicine, and pursues an anatomy and clinical pathology residency after medical school.

during the tail end of his residency, he's working on samples from a recently deceased subject and his personal protective equipment was simply not ppe'ing. the deceased is.... well the marks on the body are peculiar, nothing that he's ever seen before. eyes have strange cataract looking things. blood samples look very very odd under the microscope. long story short, shion was investigating a dead ghoul body and he cut his finger through the glove and the blood sample from the ghoul mixed with theirs.

he doesn't realize he's changed until it's too late.

two weeks after that odd case, the medical examiner that shion is doing his residency with disappears.

(between you and me, shion ate him. oopsie daisy) that sucks!

shion, scared out of his mind, pretends that everything is a-ok and goes on with his life. occasionally he cuts into bodies and gets hungry but that's normal these are normal things to feel it's just a medical examiner thing.

his moms know. they know. they don't say anything, they just watch from a distance, keep tabs on him just in case it's time to bring him in.

all of that aside, as a fellow, he's been looking at cases on his own recently and has started to be pulled into cases of the supernatural nature. he's very, very new to it all.

some ghoul lore !

ORIGIN. ghouls predate the creation of vampires by a few decades. the species was conceived through the summoning of a demon gone wrong. intending to gain supernatural powers to "take over the world" the person who performed the summoning was offered a choice by the demon. of course, said choice wasn't very fair. the person ended up almost dying in exchange for heightened power, senses, and stamina. through their back protruded a weapon like organ capable of massive damage. the only downside was that they had to give up their humanity. the only way that the person could survive was through eating humans. many others met a similar fate as them and procreated. all children of two ghouls were ghouls as well. much, much more rare were half ghouls, or more commonly called one-eyed ghouls.

CURRENT STATUS. while the species was nearly as prolific as the vampires that came after them, the numbers dwindled quickly. due to their more dangerous nature, supernatural hunters targeted them first. now, they are so unknown that they rarely appear even in mythical appendices unless you are looking at the right one. the species is close to extinction and only a small handful are living to this day.

ATTRIBUTES AND ABILITIES. ghouls have to eat humans to survive. preferably, said human is fresh, but hungry ghouls don't care about the difference in taste. food that humans eat taste just awful, and young ghouls find it difficult to eat it even to keep up appearances. older, more experienced ghouls have built a tolerance to human food and are able to eat small portions to appear human to everyone else. still, they have to throw it up within a few hours. coffee and water are the two human foods/drinks that they can consume. coffee will actually satiate their hunger for a bit. all ghouls have an organ that protrudes through their back and emerges when they would like. this organ is called a telum. usually, this would be while they are feeding or in a fight. when not in use, the telum is about the size of the spleen and sits near a kidney. there are four different types of telums that have their own benefits/weaknesses in battle. additionally, when the telum is activated, the ghouls eyes will have black scleras and red irises. sharp/pointed teeth appear and nails extend into claws to assist in attacks, defense, and capturing/eating prey.

ONE-EYED GHOULS. one-eyed ghouls are very uncommon. a female ghoul procreating with a male human will never have a successful pregnancy as the environment would be too toxic to develop in for the fetus. a ghoul male and human female can have a child, but it is risky, unlikely, and always results in premature birth and the death of the mother. the baby is born human. all attributes of the child are human and will remain human until death unless the blood or an organ of a full ghoul is transferred to them. there is a specific molecule in the blood that must be activated for ghoul traits to appear. additionally, the one-eyed ghoul will never be able to have blood or organs donated to them from a regular human. one-eyed ghouls can ingest human food without consequence, however the food will be flavorless and have an unappealing texture. they still have to eat human flesh to survive, though it can be pushed off longer (about a week) if necessary. they do not receive any nutritional benefits from regular food. like full ghouls, coffee can be used to satiate their hunger if needed. in half ghouls, the left eye is a 'ghoul eye', which is why they are called one-eyed ghouls. they heal quickly from injuries that were caused by a human, but require more time to heal from injuries due to another ghoul or supernatural creature.

SHION. shion is a one-eyed ghoul and his telum manifests as a wing-like weapon that appears near their shoulder blades. they are lightweight and allows shion to attack at a high speed. this is best for fighting long distance and can be used as a shield. the stamina of people with this version of the telum depletes rather quickly.

#this is long as fuck sorry its half a lore dump half a background #he does have a human verse & vampire verse for those that prefer that #& KEVA : OUT.

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wealreadywentdownontheship · 1 year

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A Look @ Cola (A Cowtale Ship)

Cola (Combination of Coyote and Illa)

Anxiety bros. But tbf Coy is far more stable than Illa. Their relationship would be rather soothing and the only way it’s happening is if Coy is patient enough to coax it out of Illa. Since Illa is a motherhen and pretty protective, it comes in handy for dealing with any of Coy’s anxiety and her own, she can try to help him work through his and it’d be much the same in return. There really isn’t any pressure on this relationship aside from Whip. But they’re both big dorks who can be shy at times. Basically an idiot couple. There’s not so much fighting as a lot of crying on Illa’s part, Coy is a bit too patient with her lol They match pretty well in some sense and it can make for a very easy relationship or one with too much hesitation, they could possibly bond. Friendship wise it’s more or less the same but Illa is far more invested in helping Coy come out of his shell comfortably and setting him up to be comfy. A breakup would be...bad. Illa is likely to just try the “stay friends'' routine but it’s doubtful Coy is gonna be down for it. They would likely end up actively avoiding each other because neither of them can adult feelings.

Random HCs

Coy sometimes does her hair, not well but he likes hair and she likes hers being played with. Yes they’ve had to cut her hair out of his hands.

Illa pretty much lives in Coys clothes, particularly his jacket. But that’s his jacket so he pouts.

Is terrified of Fernweh, Coy teases her about it but is also trying to work with her and her fear of birds. She thinks falconry is cool tho, just ten million feet away. Or more. Coy does zefrank style commentary to soothe her nerves.

When frustrated with her, he talks to her in German, she likes to respond in Spanish then it’s a war. It makes pointless arguments a lot easier because no feelings are really hurt and they get to be frustrated and vent before actually, ya know, working it out.

They’ve each picked up a bit of each others languages because both of them forget to elaborate when using a word the other doesn’t. They speak in awful mishmash at times.

Coy is amazingly the more “optimistic” of the two. But the bar is in hell so.

They’re pretty good at managing each others panic attacks. They’ve gotten to the point where they can mostly predict each others and work to mitigate or remove the other from the situation.

Both of them are flirty drunks and together they are idiots who try to outflirt the other. They are 100% the couple that flirts like they aren’t already together.

They sleep in trees a lot. If you can’t find them they are likely up there hiding and fell asleep.

Illa literally thought Whips name was Mi’Lord and Coy decided not to tell her because he thought it was hilarious. To this day he still teases her endlessly about it.

Coy is the little spoon more often than not. Illa calls herself his jetpack and it often leads to piggy backing once they can be bothered to get up.

Illa hates puns but there is nothing more enjoyable to her than seeing Coys exasperation every time she makes one. She makes them as ridiculous as possible on purpose.

Illa has object permanence issues with humans and Coy tends to forget people exist when working. This had led to both of them literally forgetting they are dating for weeks at a time. It amuses everyone around them to no end.

When Illa is being particularly stubborn and without self preservation Coy has a habit of sticking her up in trees so she can’t get down. She has absolutely broken an arm being stubborn about it and trying to climb down.

She wears his magic colors to make him blush. Particularly when its not her outerwear.

Illa is unaware Whip knows Spanish and tends to yell at him in it. Coy knows this and finds it hilarious and refuses to tell her.

She has no sense of direction and gets lost, Coy has to find her quite often and wonders how the hell she got there and how does she not know how she got there?!

Both are colossal dumbasses and therefore try very hard at romance but fail spectacularly. Candle light dinner? Oops the tablecloth is on fire. Get flowers? Oops she’s allergic.

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crying-fantasies · 2 years

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Spirit Attachment

Introduction

Masterlist

-/Next

As far as you could remember it was quite perceptible, barely to be honest, at least at the beginning, seeing some things or movements that could be attributed to the sudden change of the wind or a thing that could fall from somewhere high enough.

Later on you would discover that that's how all the crazy ghost shit start in every ghost movie.

The little pen that would fall constantly or get lost from time to time now escalated to seeing a big and tall man walking in your house from time to time, you could only get glimpses of it but you were sure as hell that it was a man, a tall one.

You asked so much, every professional in the paranormal activity just kept telling you different things, that it was an attachment, a parasite or the soul of someone that didn't go through the ascension or whatever they believed happened in the after life.

But you were certain of something, you're getting freaking anxiety problems.

It took time, like any other problem, like when you left something of supposed zero importance to the last just to realize that the little problem is now a massive one.

That was it, you were shaking continuously, not even your new house was a home anymore, returning to your parents house didn't help in the slightest because the thing apparently just followed you there too, you nervous demeanor worrying the people around you.

Food started to be missing, specially meat, at least for a short time before you found most of it with a big part off, showing a menacing bite.

And when you thought that the shit just couldn't get worse, the thing talked.

Well, kind of, it laughed, at first it was just like a breeze, it made you believe that you were borderline crazy, and then when something stupid or ridiculous happened to you it was just too notorious.

It would come and go, go when you would try to get your nerves down and return when you were too stressed.

"Stress and being too mindful of some kind of topic can make spirit interested in you" some specialist told you once, and it didn't help, now you were stressed trying to destress.

Sweet.

It wasn't something good, especially when you fucked up some papers, such important papers, sending them without a prior confirmation and fucking out the day, if not the week, month or life, of the people that helped you with the process.

Maybe that was the cherry on top, the point of explosion, because now that you returned to your house you saw a man, the strange man that was lurking around you or at least you hoped that or all that would be some stranger inside your house.

Maybe it noticed that you were looking, your body now shaking, your eyes wide in fear.

And all that thing did, when he obviously noticed that you were looking at him directly, was smile at you, a big smile showing all his teeth, no, fangs, it was a psyco killer kind of big smile.

Or to put it simple and less traumatic: like a cat looking at a new toy, no, scratch that, it was traumatic either way.

#bleach #reader insert #x reader #angst #anxienty #grimmjow x reader #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #bleach grimmjow

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blzzrdstryr · 3 years

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Yanderes caring for a sick darling hcs - Mondstadt boys edition

Starring: Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Venti

[Mondstadt girls edition]

[Liyue boys edition]

Albedo:

As a renowned alchemist, Albedo is very proficient in all alchemical fields, including bio alchemy.

Subsequently, he is also very knowledgeable in the inner workings of the human body, and understands the biological mechanism behind most illnesses and how to prevent them.

Alchemist takes a lot of preventive measures, keeping you on a healthy diet and having you exercise daily. He also begrudgingly lets you out on the walks, with his supervision and far away from any civilisation of course.

He also has a keen eye for changes in your body and he will realize you caught something before you even sense it.

In that case he'll just slip some medicine into your food and you'll get better even before sickness progresses further.

All in all, Albedo is great at keeping you healthy, as your physical well-being is a very high priority to him.

However, the alchemist can become so consumed by his studies that even you temporarily fade into the background.

It’s a very short window of time, but if you manage to get significantly ill, he will blame himself to Hell and back.

You won’t know of his self-loathing though, as Albedo isn't expressive enough, wearing a facade of calmness even if everything beneath it boils and burns

He will quickly find a cure, and do everything to help you feel better as his mind starts to wander into darker places.

Albedo possesses a wide array of knowledge and he knows various cases when simple colds lead to some awful complications that sometimes have cost lives.

Logically he knows it's highly unlikely that you will get that bad, especially under his care, yet the anxious thought remains, nagging at him.

Your illness will be as stressful to him as it is to you. Alchemist's brain will conjure thousands of unfortunate possibilities that could harm you and cut your life short.

Once you recover, Albedo will sigh in relief and rethink his measures regarding your health - he can't let something like this happen again.

Maybe he should start slipping some prophylactic drugs into your food.

Diluc:

Ragnvindr heir is fiercely protective of you, eager to shield your being from any harm possible, including sickness and injury.

Just like Albedo he also takes preventive measures - diet, exercise, monthly check ups, even very short and very supervised walks on the winery territory.

Diluc is a big worrier, he almost always feels low level anxiety especially if it's something regarding your well-being.

He even thought of buying a manor - Dawn Winery, despite its impressive size, is still too small for an inner garden or a courtyard and with a new estate you could walk among greens and get your dose of fresh air without actually going outside, and the possibility of your escape will be lower too.

Diluc also derives some sort of pleasure from caring to you - it’s an act of both love and ownership to him. He will never admit of the latter though, as his feelings regarding your kidnapping are very confused and conflicted - Ragnvindr lies to himself, saying that it was for your protection only. Admitting that he feels possessive of you is admitting that he yearned not only for your safety.

Despite that, Diluc still has to part with you from time to time - he is a busy man having to juggle winery business, patrol Mondstadt streets as Darknight hero and fight against Fatui and Abyss at the same time. He will entrust you in the hands of Adelinde and a couple of other maids who went through a harsh vetting process, ordering them to keep an eye on your health at all times.

He will be more concerned about your sickness than you are, spending ridiculous amounts of mora on physicians and medicine.

The doctor can diagnose with a simple cold, yet Diluc will ask another for a check up just to be sure - who knows maybe the first one has made a mistake, maybe even the second one also misinterpreted your symptoms. Same goes for the treatments, as he has no faith in them either.

He will fret over you like a worried mother hen, but because of Diluc’s usual awkwardness he will fail at displaying his concern, so you will be stuck with even gloomier Diluc looming over you.

He will spend so much time near you he might catch the illness himself.

Diluc will start thinking about buying a manor more often.

Kaeya:

Kaeya isn’t the best at caretaking.

He won’t even believe you at first, thinking that it may be some kind of ploy to fool him and escape. He would absolutely do that if he was in your situation.

Cavalry captain will give you a knowing look every time you cough, sneeze or complain about soreness and fatigue. Who could’ve known that he would rub off onto you?

He will believe you once you develop more severe symptoms, like fever or unstoppable cough, that leaves you shaking and in tears.

Kaeya will jokingly apologize for his lack of trust, but he will be panicking beneath the mocking smile.

A lot of people have abandoned him in the past, and he will view your ailment as you trying to leave him too by dying.

A rational part of him knows that it’s not true, it’s not your fault that you got sick and death is definitely not a way out for you.

He will also reassess the way he views you - despite being talented at interpersonal communication playing on your heartstring and manipulating you into what he wants Kaeya isn’t the best at understanding himself.

Before he thought little of you - you’re a toy, a scapegoat, a stress relief, nothing that holds any significance and cannot be replaced, yet the prospect of losing you puts the whole situation into new light. In less than a day you are mentally elevated from the mere plaything, to someone important, someone irreplaceable.

He won't change the general way he acts around you though, as he thinks of emotional vulnerability and openness as a major weakness to exploit, still being that teasing and infuriating bastard you came to know him as.

Yet sometimes Kaeya will allow himself small moments - things that usually wouldn’t matter so much - a chaste kiss placed on the top of your head, his hand tracing yours, fingers intertwined together. He will also be a tiny bit more lenient when you misbehave.

Unlike Diluc or Albedo, Kaeya lacks funds or knowledge to treat you right away - he can’t bribe multiple doctors into keeping their mouth shut and his knowledge of biology is surface level at best.

He will still try regardless, giving you the same medicine he buys in the rare times he gets sick.It’s a win or lose situation, as his treatment may both worsen and better your health.

Venti:

Venti is acutely aware of your mortality and fragility, memories of thousands of thousands deaths resurfacing everytime he sees you approaching even the hint of danger.

As a result, he is very protective of you, no matter how carefree and childish he may act, as his teal eyes carefully oversee everything you do.

Nevertheless, the sickness, the ailment - this particular aspect of human vulnerability slips his mind - Barbatos, despite his peaceful demeanor, is someone who lived through a lifetime of turmoil - the overthrow of Decarabian’s despotic rule, earth shattering Archon war, Vennessa’s rebellion against corrupt Lawrences.

He always feared that your life would be ended by the stray arrow or a swift sword, not an illness.

Venti will cure you right away using his powers - with gnosis or not, he is still a mighty deity, even if years of absence left him weakened.

Although you’re perfectly fine and healthy now, the bard will still fret over you, scared of your passing.

Expect to have him hovering and being extra clingy for the next few weeks - archon’s life is long and lonely, full of losses and passing, no wonder that he wants to protect you from the whole world.

#yandere genshin impact x reader #Yandere Diluc x reader #Yandere Kaeya x reader #Yandere Albedo x reader #Yandere Venti x reader #Yandere genshin impact #Yandere diluc #Yandere Kaeya #Yandere Albedo #Yandere venti #Yandere genshin #Yandere genshin x reader #Yandere male #Yandere x reader #Yandere #my writing

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Video

dailymotion

“Sentibubbler” summary? “Sentibubbler” salt?

Why not both at the same time?

Something a little experimental, though also somewhat reminiscent of some of my past videos. Calling it “summasalt” for now, based on the word “somersault” because this episode was an exercise of my patience.

It’s basically just me going through the episode with my usual episode summary, but salting along the way instead of making you guys read a wall of text without any images or clips or me making snarky comments.

(By the way, yes, I did in fact have caffeine before recording.)

script below for anyone who wants/needs it:

"Sentibubbler" begins with Marinette having food with the Cesaires and I already know this isn't real because Marinette is actually getting to interact with her best friend's family. That's only happened, like--when, two episodes of Season 2? [”Sapotis” and “Anansi”]

Marinette sees Trixx and points out how they're supposed to be a secret, and Alya asks why while calling Marinette "Ladybug." Marinette plays dumb but is told by Nino that everyone already knows her secret. Chloe is also there, chiding Marinette for her identity rule - it's not Marinette's rule but after "Reflekdoll" I've just gotten used to Marinette being blamed for things she didn't do - and Marinette goes to question Chloe's apperance when there's a knock on the balcony door. Alya invites Shadow Moth in and--[Shadow Moth has to duck to come inside]--huh, I thought Sole Crusher was seven episodes ago.

Anyway, now obviously, Marinette is just being ridiculous and overemotional as usual, because why would Marinette ever think that Alya would reveal any information to--["Feast"]--oh yeah, that's right.

Tikki doesn't transform Marinette and says that Marinette shouldn't have trusted Alya with her secret. Enter Chat Blanc, who says that they can be together now without any secrets. Not really sure what this episode is aiming for with the mixed message of "your identity rule sucks" but also "your fault for trusting someone instead of having a mental breakdown," but a’ight. Trixx also gets another dig in on Marinette for giving Alya the fox miraculous.

Marinette wakes up from her nightmare and panics, but Tikki reassures her that Alya is loyal. [”Chameleon”] Mm. Also, that kind of support might've been nice from Tikki literal seasons ago when Marinette could've used a confidant.

Wayzz - I swear, they've had eyelashes more often than not in this season - points out that Trixx is mischievous and Xuppu talks about Trixx being the cause of the Loch Ness monster rumors, which worries Marinette further. Marinette runs out in her pajamas and I can already predict that neither Tom nor Sabine are going to check on her later or care.

Marinette finds the Cesaires looking for something, their words vague enough for Marinette to think that they're talking about Trixx. Alya brushes Marinette off and tells her to help with looking instead of lecturing her.

Marlena makes a comment that reminds Marinette of her nightmare, only increasing Marinette's stress. A tarantula crawls up a ladle and Marinette freaks out when she sees it, which Marlena has a laugh at because Marinette's anxiety, fear, and panic is hilarious, guys!

This is my laughing face. [not a laughing face]

Nino exits, having been too afraid of the spider to leave the room, so Nora compares Marinette to him. Nino tries to play it cool, then changes the subject to point out Marinette's pajamas. Alya wonders aloud why Marinette showed up and Marinette tries to act casual, but Alya sees through it and states that she doesn't usually lose things when someone lends them to her.

I presume the exception is Marinette's trust. OH-HOOOOHHH, we'll get there.

Nora takes a jab at Alya for losing the spider and Marinette drags Alya away to talk. Nino tries to join but Alya states that it's between her and Marinette, which makes Nino sad.

Nino, does the phrase "guys' time" ring a bell by any chance?

Marinette is explaining her nightmare and is simply told to calm down by Alya, though Marinette is briefly startled by a phone ringing. Marinette puts together what she knows that Shadow Moth knows, including that Alya is Rena Rouge, adding on that Shadow Moth could steal the fox necklace if he figured out that Alya has it permanently. Alya reassures her that no one will ever know and Marinette states that this must include Chat Noir. Alya agrees and brings attention to the fanny pack around her waist, which Trixx has been hiding in, and Marinette has Trixx promise not to show up at the dining table like in her nightmare. Tikki tells Marinette that everything will be fine and Marinette admits that it was silly of her to worry, which it was! ...If you ignore all the anxiety, mental scarring, and constant pressure to be perfect or risk Paris lighting itself on fire, much like I presume they accidentally did with their original script for this episode.

Alya tells Marinette to trust her and also herself - I'll be sure to keep that in mind, Alya, thank you - then Alya loses her temper at the phone continuing to ring. She leaves to find an empty living room, then answers the phone only to hear Shadow Moth on the other line. Alya turns upon hearing Marinette scream to see that Marinette has been trapped in a bubble. Cue the reveal/return of the Bubbler, who is definitely Nino akumatized and not--like--a sentimonster, because the episode didn't spoil it at all with the title of Sentibub--

show, this is freaking embarrassing. Why even bother akumatizing someone when you can mold a sentimonster with the exact power you want?

At least they reveal it quickly, though that also means I have to live with the knowledge that Shadow Moth wINKED AT ALYA, NO.

Anyway, Shadow Moth tells Alya that he wants her to betray Ladybug. Marinette, meanwhile, is panicking over being unable to transform while in public, whereas Tikki remains calm and reassures her that Alya will figure something out and it's why Marinette gave Alya the fox miraculous in the first place.

Weird, I thought it was for the show to continuously validate Alya as a worthy choice for a confidant despite repeatedly covering up her sINS and so the show can push for more anxiety on Marinette's part while simultaneously not having to make a new hero model for Alya, which they would have to do if the realistic decision had been made to give Alya a different miraculous due to Shadow Moth knowing her identity as Rena Rouge.

Marinette texts Alya to inform her that the Bubbler is a sentimonster and so Rena can tell Chat not to use Cataclysm on him or the bubbles will burst due to the sentimonster's lack of control.

Hate to burst the show's bubble but Alya could literally see Nino up in the sky and they could see her; the bubbles are in viewing range. Did this even go through a quality check?

Alya goes to look at Marinette's text, but the phone is bubbled away by Sentibubbler. Marinette sees the phone floating by and panics, only to be reassured again to trust Alya and at this point I vaguely wondered if I was watching this episode on repeat. Tikki also adds that Alya has never let her down - [”Ladybug”] MMMM - and Marinette agrees, also certain that Chat Noir will show up soon.

Oh yeah, he exists. Oh no.

Cut to the Agreste mansion where Adrien is watching the news - dude, how is there never anything better on when you need to be told that there's an akuma? here, look, I'll show you [”Silencer” Lukabug clip] there, much better, see? - and it's pointed out that the bubbles are identical to the ones Bubbler had, yet Nino is in one of the bubbles. Adrien readies himself while Plagg is - for once - okay with leaving since his cheese isn't "edible" yet.

I feel like he should be a little more concerned about Marinette being in a bubble.

Meanwhile, Shadow Moth is explaining to Alya that Ladybug will come to give her the fox miraculous due to the bubbled people in the sky - plenty of other choices that aren't within breathing range of the obvious danger zone, but a'ight - and SentiBubbler will catch Ladybug. Alya brings up Chat Noir saving her but Shadow Moth states that she'll create an illusion of Ladybug and Rena to lure Chat Noir, who won't see Sentibubbler coming, at which point Rena will hand Shadow Moth her miraculous. He adds that her loved ones will only be returned once all three miraculouses are in his possession, though if she tries to warn the heroes then Sentibubbler will send the bubbles into space, too far for any hero to save them.

[clip of space power-ups] Hm.

Also, I would've just let her keep the miraculous as an extra bribe since he doesn't need the fox and she wouldn't have time to recharge anyway - at least to his knowledge - but that's just me.

Marinette is relieved that Alya still hasn't been captured--TIKKI, I KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN PARROTING THIS ALL EPISODE, I KNOW--but Marinette changes her tune when she sees Alya blindly calling out for Ladybug's help, unaware that Alya is buying time. Marinette laments the idea of transforming there and having using the rabbit to go back in time to reverse, as that's never a good thing (seconded), but gets the idea for Tikki to take her miraculous to someone else. Tikki rejects the idea, as the earrings won't go through the bubble, and Marinette realizes that Chat Noir is their only hope.

I mean, it was nice knowing them. Sure is interesting how Marinette has only been getting herself into these situations where she requires saving when the show needed to present Alya as a valid choice for a confidant.

Meanwhile, Chat Noir is leaving a message for Ladybug about the bubbles in the sky, saying that he'll wait for her; I already see where this is going and I don't like it.

Alya mutters to Trixx about how they need a plan to release Marinette. Through Alya Vision, we're shown Sentibubbler, a bowl of fruit, and the bathroom door. Alya tells Sentibubbler that she needs to go to the bathroom and - wow, we're really doing this, aren't we? - which Shadow Moth rejects. Shadow Moth is also on top of a building holding a coffee cup which honestly makes about as much sense as the rest of the episode, so whatever. Alya claims that she can't wait and that it'll be awkward for Ladybug to find her like that, which gets Shadow Moth to relent but also remind her of what's at stake if she tries anything. Alya states that she can't do anything without a miraculous anyway, then purposefully falls onto the table, concealing her long enough for her to transform and allowing an illusion of herself to go to the bathroom while she escapes. She detransforms in the twins' room and feeds Trixx with some grapes that she'd picked up.

Alya explains her plan to trick Shadow Moth and Sentibubbler since they don't know that she has a miraculous, though she also has to make sure that Chat won't ruin things. Rena then proceeds to call Chat Noir and claim that Ladybug wanted her to call him with her plan, but adds that it's a two-person plan and Chat himself isn't needed, so he needs to wait for further instructions. Chat demands that Ladybug call him to tell him herself, but Rena insists that she can't, as Ladybug is very busy. She warns him not to use Cataclysm if he sees the Bubbler, as he's a sentimonster, then promises to talk to him later before hanging up.

She uses Mirage again, making the Alya illusion reappear as well as creating a Ladybug. Chat Noir, infuriated at being left out, destroys part of a building with his baton. He then dismisses the action because Miraculous Ladybug will fix it.

Spoiler alert, it will, which is a very fascinating detail! I mean, I can't imagine another situation where a hero did something while there was an akuma going around and Miraculous Ladybug decided to help 'em out, but it just goes to show what happens when you're the writers' pet. Just look a little pitiful and they'll give you all the sympathy in the world.

By the way, didn't expect them to actually confirm my theory that Chat Noir does Chat Noir things because he knows that Miraculous Ladybug will fix it anyway, essentially allowing him to earn brownie points from Ladybug via sacrificing himself regardless of how it affects her mentally, yet here we are and I don't know whether to be sad, angry, disappointed, or a mixture of all three.

Chat Noir sees the Ladybug illusion jumping off and gives chase, refuses to stay where he is. Marinette, seeing that Rena Rouge's illusions are active, panics at the sight of Chat Noir, as the illusion will vanish if Chat touches it.

I like to imagine the immediate concern is the idea that Chat Noir will try to take Ladybug's hand while trying to flirt.

Anyway, Marinette flails inside the bubble in an attempt to reach Chat Noir, while illusion Alya and SentiBubbler get into position. Chat Noir watches what he perceives as Ladybug heading into the Cesaire house with Alya, but Marinette gets to him in order to tell him not to go anywhere. Chat complains about everyone telling him to stay put, but Marinette explains Rena's plan to him. Chat is skeptical of how she knows that, to which Marinette insists that she saw it from where she was. Chat Noir relents with a sigh and stays where he is.

SentiBubbler watches as the illusion of Alya and Ladybug talk to each other, Rena making it look like Ladybug is piecing together what happened and refusing to give Alya a miraculous ever again due to Shadow Moth knowing her identity. She claims that she'll find another holder and give them an even more powerful miraculous, which interests Shadow Moth and gets him to follow after the Ladybug illusion. Once Sentibubbler leaves as well, Chat sees this as his chance to stop the sentimonster, as the Ladybug illusion will vanish if it's touched. Marinette strokes his ego for the token love square moment of the episode, and Chat Noir fights SentiBubbler while Shadow Moth goes after the Ladybug illusion.

I'm noticing a real lack of tension in this episode. Once Alya has her plan, it's kind of a clean sweep from start to finish with no interference or unexpected roadblocks in the way. Even Shadow Moth following the Ladybug illusion goes fine, with Shadow Moth even punching a building thinking that Ladybug actually got away from him.

Dude, it's fine, Miraculous Ladybug will fix it, just put on your best sad face. Maybe Chat Noir gets it from you actually, is treatment from the writers a hereditary thing?

Sentibubbler and Chat Noir are still fighting. Shadow Moth shows up and Marinette tries to warn Chat, but Chat gets caught in a bubble and Marinette apologizes; she doesn't have anything to apologize for but after "Reflekdoll" I--wait I already did this.

Chat Noir uses Cataclysm to escape, only to get caught in another bubble. I'd just like to throw out there that this guy's a hero three seasons going and the love interest for the main character, yet his role in the episode has amounted to complaining about the authority of a hero Ladybug chose, throwing a property-destroying tantrum over being excluded, and wasting his power without a single thought which just got him captured again.

Chat, does the name "Syren" ring any bells by any chance? I'm just sayin', you could always quit. In fact, wasn't it you literally one episode ago saying that you understood if Ladybug couldn't always come get you? Then, after seeing the jump from "Glaciator" to "Frozer," I'm about as shocked as rubber.

Back with the competent one, Alya notes to Trixx that Rena Rouge can no longer be seen by Shadow Moth or else the jig is up. She transforms and texts Marinette to be ready, creating an illusion of Marinette that simultaneously hides the real version, allowing her to transform into Ladybug.

Chat Noir's bubble gets dragged down and Shadow Moth gets SentiBubbler to mute Chat Noir's bubble.

[clip from “Silencer” where Ladybug takes amusement in Chat being muted]

Ladybug uses Lucky Charm and receives a pot, her Lucky Vision spotting Shadow Moth's coffee cup, then SentiBubbler, then the tarantula trapped in a bubble. Ladybug deduces that the cup is the sentimonster's object, then pulls the horse miraculous out of her yoyo and unifies it with the ladybug--oh.

Oh my.

You know, it's times like this where I'm reminded that the show knows nothing about fashion... or girls... or good writing actually--there's just a lot of stuff they don't know.

Sentibubbler does a countdown, then starts sending the civilian bubbles up into the sky. Chat Noir is about to de-transform while PegaBug notices of Shadow Moth's two miraculous, up for grabbin'. She notes that she won't be able to catch everyone, so she forms a portal behind Shadow Moth and goes for the coffee cup first, thus putting her in control of SentiBubbler, who happily brings the bubbles back down at her command.

Shadow Moth erases SentiBubbler from existence though, causing everyone to fall, but Chat and PegaBug manage to catch them. PegaBug de-transforms and presents the Cesaires with the tarantula, which had been trapped inside the lucky charm. Ladybug and Chat Noir watch Shadow Moth escape and Ladybug laments that it could've been the end of Shadow Moth once and for all because it's not a Miraculous episode without Marinette being at fault or feeling guilty in some way! Chat Noir reassures her [*by “reassure,” I mean he might as well have said, “Well, you saved ME, so you did great!”] - wow, that's two token love square moments for the price of one episode, don't I feel spoiled - and Ladybug leaves to retrieve the tarantula's tank.

Rena Rouge is waiting for her and they hug, with Rena repeating that she doesn't lose something that someone gives her. Ladybug states that she never should've doubted the idea of giving Alya a miraculous and Imma just give you guys a counter real quick. [counter that shows that Tikki has complimented Alya four times, Alya has complimented herself/told Marinette to trust her thrice, and Marinette has said that she was wrong thrice]. Miraculous Ladybug is cast and everything returns to normal, with Alya explaining what she did and Marinette being relieved that Shadow Moth won't be going after her anymore. Alya confidently asks if she was smart and Marinette is happy to praise her, confirming it and stating that Alya is a real superhero and honestly? If the narrative wanted to marry Alya this badly, they should've just used some of the budget to buy a ring instead of projecting onto the other characters.

Then again, the apparent budget can't even afford a new hero model nor new akuma to a very noticeable degree, so I guess they're taking what they can get.

Alya praises Marinette as well for her work as PegaBug and they do a fistbump, thus ending the episode. There's also this ever-so-lovely post-episode scene with Gabriel and Nathalie where Gabriel laments the fact that Ladybug never makes mistakes which--I... has he even watched the series at all? Gabe, babe, Babriel Agreste, it's literally part of the show's formula that Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and she felt guilty like a minute ago over not yoinking your miraculouses when she had the chance, where have you been?

But, yeah, anyway, the episode.

Needless to say, not a fan. Like I said, the show seems so intent on immediately validating the choices they make with Alya in order to make her look like a better character. "Gang of Secrets" basically replaced her with someone different at the end of the episode, and the episode immediately afterwards in chronological order, "Mr. Pigeon 72," did everything it could to push Marinette out of her guardian position long enough for Alya to figure out the grimoire despite having zero onscreen experience with it, the episode even trapping Ladybug in a situation that forced Rena Rouge to come into play to validate that decision as well.

And now we have "SentiBubbler" here following immediately after "Optigami," desperate to reassure its audience that Alya is cool, smart, truthworthy, and that not needing to make a new model--sorry, I mean Alya continuing to have the fox--was a good decision. All the while, they continue pushing Alya's flaws under the rug [Note that it’s not even considered that Alya is even remotely at fault for Shadow Moth going after her specifically after her stunt in “Optigami” when no one else but Ladybug and Chat have ever given out a miraculous], hiding them instead of Alya actually acknowledging them, the only reason she did so in "Optigami" being the same as in "Gang of Secrets"; to make her look good while Marinette makes a big decision in their relationship.

The episode tries so hard to drill in this idea that Alya is a good friend who can be trusted, and I'm just not here for how much they try to hammer it in. Marinette's very real anxiety over Shadow Moth's power and ability to plan things is played off as her being silly instead of something to be concerned about, and instead of giving her a hug and trying to help her calm down - [clip from “Heart Hunter” of Luka hugging Marinette] I miss Luka - she's just told to trust and believe and hAVE fAiTh in Alya.

Shadow Moth is an adult; he has abilities that the teenage heroes don't. I'm not even saying that Marinette isn't overreacting [Basically, her concern about Shadow Moth is valid, especially after “Optigami” where her identity was almost found out], but she has anxiety and some obvious trauma over "Chat Blanc." I was already upset that Alya got a free pass to Marinette's identity, but the constant stressing over how much Marinette should trust her just doesn't affect me when I know Alya and I know the kind of stuff she's done that the show blatantly ignored in favor of pushing for her.

But okay, show, I'll give Alya the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't deserve. Let's say that she's turned a new leaf, and has become the reliable, trustworthy, and loyal partner that Marinette deserves. I'm sure that Alya has Marinette's back, and will never go behind said back in order to do something completely unsurprising and wholly indicative of the character I actually know her to be.

Especially not a mere three episodes later...

#MC's Videos #category: episode summaries #category: salt #video: critique #MC's Renders #render: persona #episode: Sentibubbler #((Definitely let me know what you guys think because I don't know if I should do this more or not.))#((Judging from what the response is will help me make a decision on it.))#((I know my editing could be a little better but my video editor has been physically fighting me lately.))#((Is there such a thing as TOO sassy/sarcastic?))#((idk if I'm actually funny or not so definitely lemme know if there was anything that particularly amused you guys))#((so I know in the future where your guys' sense of humor lies.))#((I don't really TRY to be funny I just do whatever comes to mind/is comfortable.))

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purplehoodiesimon · 2 years

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In a thrilling twist of my usual projecting shenanigans, I will be projecting onto Simon tonight 💜

Just hear me out on this one. It's after the video. The dust has started to settle but those few weeks of terror are still so fresh. And Wilhelm is out of it. It's not his problem anymore. It's just Simon in the video, it's just Simon that has to deal with the reporters at his door and the articles picking apart his life. He may not have slept with the Crown Prince anymore, not to the public, but he's still the boy that momentarily held that title and people still want to know about him and his life at Hillerska. And he deals with it. He deals with it, it's fine, it's not like his entire life imploded just a few weeks ago. He deals with it, that's what he does.

And it's just a small thing at first. Just a momentary blip of panic when he goes to the store and there are people whispering, and he stands in the snack aisle and for one fleeting second his entire body seizes with this place isn't safe, it's not safe it's too far from home, what if something goes wrong in this unsafe place? And then he dismisses the thought, because it's ridiculous, it's fine. This is the store he goes to daily, it's not unsafe. But there's still that too fast heartbeat and weird weight on his chest as he walks home, that only goes away once the door is safely shut behind him.

And then it gets worse. And honestly, he doesn't see it happening. When Rosh and Ayub ask if he wants to go to the movies and he feels uncomfortable at the thought, it's nothing. When he stands at the gate of Hillerska after Linda's dropped him off and has to work up the courage to keep walking, to just keep his feet moving forward until he's up the path and in his first class of the day trying to calm his heartrate, it's nothing. When he realizes it's his third weekend in a row not leaving the house, it's nothing. It's all just weird anxiety spikes and nothing to worry about, he's dealing with it and it's fine.

But then it's the end of a school day and Henry asks if he wants to hang in the common room with all the guys, a subtle gesture of inclusion probably born of pity, and Simon's throat closes at the thought of walking all across campus to the Forest Ridge dorms. It's too far from his path to the bus. It's Sara asking him to walk to the store with her and him making excuses about having homework. It's too far to the store, anything could happen in the 10 minute walk. It's Ayub asking if he wants to come over to play games and Simon barely making it down the street to his house as his stomach rolls and his heart pounds. It's so far, too far, 13 steps from his house 14 steps from his house 15 steps from his house...

And Simon can't keep lying to himself about it, he's scared to leave the house and it's getting worse.

Wilhelm asks if they can hang out in Bjärstad one day, a few months after, well, everything. He's asking just as friends, trying to rebuild some of the tentative platonic layers under the love that drove them to each other's arms, and Simon wants to. But he can't have Wilhelm at his house, not so soon after the last time, and he feels his pulse spike at just the thought of being anywhere else with him. It's that thought, that realization that it's Wilhelm, who he loves (though he can only admit it in his head) and he can't hang out with him in Bjärstad because there's nowhere safe besides his house, and he can't hang out at Hillerska because it's too far away on the weekends, and where else is there to go? And it's him turning the offer down with a lie about not feeling well and a "maybe next week" that sends a different sort of sickening jolt of cold fear down his spine.

Simon knows he needs help. He needs to sort this out, fix it before the summer holidays roll around. Because honestly, he's not sure he'll leave his house at all once they start. It's the only place that feels safe, that doesn't leave him shaking and counting the minutes until he can return home. And it's a terrifying possibility that once he loses the sole reason of school to leave, he just. Won't.

#woo woo me projecting my agoraphobia onto simon woo woo #my phone is about to die im just going to post this now as is #probably wont post it if i dont just post it now so lets goooooooooo projecting time #young royals #young royals netflix #simon young royals #simon eriksson #simon yr

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the-devils-girl94 · 3 years

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Distracting Thoughts

Prompt: Stranded On A Boat

Characters: Beelzebub x Fem!MC

Content Warnings: Masturbation, MC has thalassophobia(a fear of the ocean and other large bodies of water), MC fantasizing about Beel, lots of smutty good times with Beel

(I like how there is a word for how I feel about large bodies of water. Did not expect it to be this long ass word though.)

Another fic for @voltage-vixen ‘s Summer of Smut challenge! Enjoy!

“How on Earth did I end up in this mess?”

A heavy sigh left your lips and you buried your face into your hands.

Right now, you were stuck in the middle of the sea on a boat that Lord Diavolo had outright purchased. Not everything was going so bad, but you wouldn’t be feeling so slighted if everything was going good either.

Oh no, no. It was simply terrible.

For one thing, while you weren’t in immediate danger, being stuck in the middle of the freaking ocean was downright terrifying! All you could think of was scary scenarios of you drowning in this never-ending sea. Like the boat could sink and you could drown, you could fall over the edge and drown, or you could fall over the edge and a nearby shark could see you as a tasty snack and that could be your end. Your mind just kept coming up with the most exaggerated and impossible one-in-a-million chance scenarios that really did no good for you.

You hated being anywhere near large bodies of water, but there was one thing that kept some of the thoughts at bay. And that was you weren’t entirely alone.

You sat on the back deck of the boat Diavolo had purchased, far away from either edge that you didn’t want to be near, and before you was the ever-so lively Demon Brothers of the House of Lamentation. In short, your lively roommates who just make everything so much better...sometimes. Lord Diavolo and Barbatos was there as well but they mostly kept to themselves with Diavolo mostly sunbathing.

Your mind felt more at ease with the guys around since you knew if any of the scenarios did happen, they would not hesitate to immediately step in to save you. Though you still hope it would never have to come to that in the first place. You felt most safe around Beelzebub, the sixth born.

Your eyes caught him in the pool that was several feet away from you. He was joined by his twin and locked in a fierce game with the second and third born. Well, you say fierce but its clear that Beelzebub is the victor. Mammon and Leviathan were no match against Beel’s pure strength. And had Belphegor been with anyone else besides his twin, he definitely would not have stood a chance against a team up of his older brothers.

You weren’t too interested in their game play, however. Your eyes were trained on Beel. Even before this boat fiasco, your eyes have never strayed far away from the gluttonous demon. For a long time, you didn’t know if it was a crush or if you’re just naturally drawn to his sweet nature.

“Or maybe that chiseled body of his.”

The tips of your ears grew hot as the thought crept in, replacing your previous anxiety-ridden thoughts. Your mind soon became riddled with images of Beelzebub’s torso. Mostly of his glorious pecs and washboard abs because this demon was built like a freaking Greek God. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made him, but him being a demon made his appeal so much greater! It was, in every sense of the word, sinful.

You were brought back to reality when you heard a large splash and some yelling. You looked up in time to see Levi and Mammon getting flung out of the pool by Beel, all while Belphie napped out on a floating donut. The whole thing brought you to tears as you laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Mammon had caught you laughing and scolded you.

“Hey, (Y/N)! Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny!,” he yelled, but you continued to chuckle. You felt a little bad, but it was so unexpected as Beel had grabbed them by their feet and literally threw them out.

“(Y/N) witnessed our defeat...how uber lame,” muttered Leviathan as he rubbed his now aching back.

Wiping away your tears, you let out an amused sigh and went off on your own to explore the boat. You were unaware of Beel calling after you as you walked away.

________________________________________________________________

You thought it would be a good idea to explore the boat since Lord Diavolo had bought it and anything he buys is always luxurious. And it was but...

As you wandered the halls, you suddenly understood what sailors meant by sea legs. Although the boat was mostly steady, there would be an occasional gentle rocking of the boat. And had it been anyone else, it would have been fine but no! It completely unsettled you and your thoughts once again became filled with disturbing scenarios of that all ended in you meeting your end in some extreme way or another.

“Oh why did I think it was okay to go off on my own?,” you thought.

Feeling sick to your stomach, you thought it best to just retire to your room and calm your incessant thoughts. You flopped onto your bed and buried your face into your pillow. You hope this day would end so you could finally get off this nightmare. You tried to refocus your mind on something else, because even with you running through every possibility of drowning in every way possible, you were aware that you were in safe hands. None of the brothers would ever let you meet such an end in this never-ending sea full of wonders and mysteries.

You thought back to earlier and found yourself thinking of Beel once more.

The images from earlier made you kick your legs as your face became hot and flushed. You groaned into your pillow with frustration.

“Fuuuuckkkk!,” you screamed internally, feeling slightly ashamed for thinking about Beelzebub in such a manner. But thinking of him did make the other thoughts fade away to the background. Plus you may have a crush on him, so..was it totally wrong to fantasize about him showing up to your room, body dripping with water and looking at you with lust filled eyes?

....Okay, hold up, that actually is kinda hot.

It was the most prevalent image in your head. It made you wonder if you would have the chance to actually have Beel in your room and let him take you. Or maybe have the courage to be that daring?

You felt a tingling sensation between your legs and rolled on your back, blushing. You dwelled on the thought a little more to the point that it became a fantasy. And you imagined Beelzebub crawling towards you on your bed until his face was a couple inches away from yours. His rough hands were on your thighs, lifting them up so your clothed sex could feel the hardness of his bulge clothed from the thin material of his swim shorts.

The heat within your core began to grow and before you knew it, you were already trying to calm the growing heat with your hand. You were craving for the imaginary touch that only existed in your mind. Rubbing against your clit, the fantasy progressed into Beel removing your clothes and pushing his shorts down to free his hardened member. You imagined him stroking his cock against your sensitive slit that was getting wetter and wetter in reality.

Your breathing became heavy and you brought up a free hand to go under your shirt and bra to twist at your nipples. The fantasy continued as you imagined Beel dipping his fingers inside of you, stretching out your pussy to prepare you for him.

Moans started to escape from your lips as your hands worked on your body to bring you the stimulation and release you desperately searched for. You weren’t aware of it but you were also moaning Beel’s name. Apparently you were being a bit loud, because you failed to hear the knocking at your door and the sound of it opening until...

“(Y/N).”

You snapped out of your fantasy-filled haze when you heard your name. Suffice to say, you were extremely embarrassed to find a blushing Beelzebub in your room, half-eaten snacks in his hands. You quickly covered yourself up with a shout, but it was much too late. You were sure that he had saw everything. He probably even heard you too.

“Waah! I’m so fucking embarrassed! Oh my God,” you cringed, trying so hard to fold in on yourself so you could disappear.

“Ah, (Y/N)! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to barge in like that,” he apologized profusely. He saw your covers move a bit but no sign of you poking your head out. You whined as you stammered out, “It’s fine! I should have locked my door. I didn’t mean for you to see me...like that...so.”

Ahhh, if anything was more worse than drowning in an ocean where your body likely won’t be found, it was definitely having your crush walk in on you masturbating to him. Ok, maybe not that much worse but still! Tears began to well up in your eyes and you fully expected for Beelzebub to walk out as this situation must have been a bit awkward. But instead you felt your bed dip in a bit as another weight was added. A hand was placed on your back and started rubbing in circles. Your lip trembled as your tears fell, because WHY WAS HE SO FREAKING SWEET!?

Yeah, you were definitely crushing on him. This is why he was the only one on the crush list.

Beelzebub could feel you trembling and his face was still red from walking in on you. Though if he had to admit it, seeing you like that really turned him on. And to hear you moan his name so wantonly was like music to his ears. But he still felt bad because it was your private time that he interrupted. All because he wanted to hang out with you since he wanted to do so earlier, but you didn’t hear him calling after you.

But now there was a massive elephant in the room and neither of you knew how to bring it up without it becoming more awkward. Or your in case more embarrassed.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes, Beel?”

“I’m still sorry for earlier. I wanted to hangout, but do...do you want me help you a bit?”

You shot up like a rocket and turned wide-eyed to face a startled Beelzebub, who was feeling a bit pervy for asking you that question. But to you, he didn’t need to feel like that because this was the moment you were thinking of earlier! You started to laugh at the irony, causing Beel to become confused which you noticed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m not laughing at you, Beel!,” you chuckled out. “It was just that earlier I was thinking of what would I do if I had you in my room all to myself.”

At that, the gentle giant smiled at you, understanding why you were laughing. He crawled towards you, his face a few inches from yours. You were smiling but your face grew warm.

“So is it a ‘yes’?,” he asked, though his lips were drawing in close to yours.

“Y-yes-mmph,” his lips had closed in on yours and you felt his hands come up to your shoulders. Sliding off the covers from your body, Beel gently laid you back on the bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he coaxed your mouth open with a bit of prodding from his tongue. You could taste the sweetness of the snacks he had earlier as your tongues became entangled. You gasped when he pulled away.

Beelzebub set his focus on leaving kisses on your neck, starting a trail. He got to your breasts and cupped them in his hands, firmly squeezing them. A squeal escaped from your lips when you felt his wet tongue teasing your nipple. He sucked it into his mouth, pulling before letting it go with a pop.

"Ahhaaa, Beel! Please," you pleaded as he devoured your chest. You couldn't take it with him pulling, twisting, and sucking on your sensitive nubs. Your hands had moved to his forearms and you held a firm grip on them as Beel sucked away.

With a final tug, he left your poor nipples alone, going back to his task of leaving butterfly kisses on your body. Your body trembled with ecstasy but soon jolted from a shock when you felt a wet appendage lapping at your swollen clit.

Once Beel had finished leaving you kisses, he came across your pussy, still wet and glistening from when you were masturbating to him. His eyes darkened as his mind drifted back to that scene of you pleasuring yourself, seeing your delectable juices dripping your core.

He just knew that he had to taste you. To devour such a pretty, pink platter that was meant for him to sample. As soon as his tongue made contact with your clit, he felt you jump but he continued to lap at it, enjoying the taste and fragrance you gave off. You squirmed and your pants started to fill the room. Your toes curled and your feet had a hard time not slipping off your sheets as you encouraged Beel to keep going.

His tongue parted your puffy, pussy lips and he noticed your legs trembling. So he hooked his hands underneath your knees, spreading them further to her better access. He let your legs rest on his shoulders, all the while keeping his mouth on you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you chanted over and over as your back arched, wanting to rub your sex over his tongue. You could feel yourself coming undone and on the verge of cumming. Beel's member twitched against the thin fabric of his swim shorts as he could tell your release was imminent, but...

Reluctantly, he pulled away from your pussy. He really wanted you to release all your tasty juices over his cock. He wiped away the mix of his saliva and your own cream from his chin.

You groaned but it turned into a squeak when Beel crawled back on top of you. Your legs were still over his shoulders and so you felt your body being folded in half but it wasn't too uncomfortable. But it aroused you more as you could feel his bulge heavy against your sex. You wanted it inside, for it to stretch your walls as you take every inch Beel gave you. For you to cream all over it so you could lick it off him and he could do it all over again.

Beelzebub's lips pressed against yours and you wasted no time parting your lips so his tongue could share the taste of your pussy. You could feel Beel's hands fumbling to pull down his shorts to let his cock finally breath. His lips never left yours, even as he guided his cock to your hole. You had braced yourself but was pleasantly surprised when he sanked into you with ease, but it still raised a moan out of you as your wall stretched to accommodate him.

Beel broke the kiss to let out a hissing sound as your pussy took him in so smoothly. He could feel you clenching around him, wanting to greedily take in more. But he was fully seated inside you, his balls pressed firmly against the plumpness of your ass.

"Shit...(Y/N), you feel so fucking amazing," he said as he recaptured your lips with his and rocked his hips to get a little friction going. He pulled back until only half of his dick was inside and slammed back into you. He repeated the action a few more times, drawing out moans that ended up getting swallowed up by him.

You pulled away from the kiss to cry out freely as he set a hard, quick pace as his hips connected with yours repeatedly. The slapping sound of your skin colliding overcome the sounds of your moans and cries. Beel couldn't help but groan at the way your pussy tightened around him with every thrust. Your body trembled against his as the heat became overwhelming. Your hands scrambled to grip at something, changing from scratching at Beelzebub's back or balling up your sheets into your fist, as you feared that the pleasure was going to take you away.

The seams were tearing and Beel could feel you were close as your pussy convulsed around him. So he sat up, holding your legs up, and pounded away at you. Your moans turned to screams and chants of Beel's name as his cock wrecked you.

"Beeeeel! I'm cumming, cumming!," you screamed, but it didn't deter him even as your released overflowed on his cock. The consistent clenching of your pussy finally drove him over the edge and his seed coated the inside of your walls, a deep growl erupted from him as he pressed his cock deep inside you.

With the both of you spent for the moment, Beel slipped out of you and collapsed beside you. However, he wrapped his arms around you to bring you closer. You sighed contently, feeling very much satiated as well as Beelzebub.

You felt lips pressing against your forehead and giggled before giving Beel a chaste kiss on the lip.

"That was amazing," you smiled. You saw his cheeks redden and the hug tightens.

"I-I would like to do that again...maybe sometime," spoke the blushing giant as he looked into your eyes.

The tips of your ears turning red as you agreed.

You figured this boat nightmare wasn't too bad as you snuggled up to Beel's chest, wondering if you had the courage to say you like him.

You saved the thought for another day to ponder later.

#obey me!#lexi writes #obey me beelzebub #obey me beelzebub x mc #fem mc #smut #summer of smut #summer of smut challenge #obey me beel #obey me smut

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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 3 years

Text

what happened the first time Wes tried to crack open the Danny is Phantom conspiracy did he like, confront Danny first or was it all behind his back like, maybe hoping ground zero would be lost among the gossip and that Danny wouldn't find out who spilled the beans once everyone knew

I mean it obviously wouldn't work because nobody believed him and the gossip didn't take off very far beyond a few people talking about Wes being kinda weird

I should absolutely write a fic about this.

I am absolutely going to write a fic about this.

I AM RIGHT NOW GOING TO WRITE A FIC ABOUT THIS.

----

"Hey Fenton! Fenton!!" Dash came bounding over and threw a meaty arm around his shoulder.

"Jesus Dash! What?!" Danny buckled under the weight (pretended to anyway) as Dash gave him a surprisingly lighthearted punch on the arm.

"You haven't heard?! Wes has this total batshit insane theory, it's hilarious!"

Dash was in a genuine giggle-fit, Danny didn't think he'd ever seen him this merry, he was also starting to suspect he was going to leave this conversation being the butt of the joke somehow. Wait-

"Wes? Who the heck is Wes?" Danny asked, it wasn't like he knew everyone in school, like Dash seemed to.

"He's on the basketball team, you know, tall guy, red hair, threw a sick move at least month's game! You know, WES!"

"I didn't watch that game."

"Oh," said Dash, flatly, "Oh yeah, almost forgot you're a total nerd. Anyway, like I was saying!"

Dash grabbed Danny by the shoulders and nearly lifted him off the floor.

"Wes thinks," he could barely speak through his giggling, he even snorted a few times, "Wes thinks your secretly PHANTOM."

Dash dropped Danny back down as he doubled over laughing.

"Could you imagine?! You! You're not even DEAD!" Dash honest to god slapped his knee in mirth.

Danny went through an incredibly swift array of emotions in the span of about five seconds.

The first was fear, clear and bracing, then came confusion, how did he know? Had he seen something? Then there was hope, Dash didn't believe it, and if DASH didn't believe it, maybe nobody else believed it either. Then relief, he could roll with this, he could TOTALLY roll with this! Dash was right! It was absurd, it was ridiculous, it was hilarious, him being Phantom? What utter nonsense!

Sam and Tucker had been standing by his side at a Dash-safe distance, looking absolutely horrified. Sam looked ready to jump in and lay down a swift defence, but Danny gave a quick little low wave for her to stand down. He got this.

"Oh my god SERIOUSLY?" Danny busted out a slightly hysterical laugh, okay so he wasn't completely over the initial terrified anxiety.

"How could I- I mean what- WHY does he think I'M Phantom?! I mean how does that even work I don't-"

Dash clapped him on the shoulder, this was probably the most contact he'd ever had with him without being physically assaulted.

"I know right?! Like apparently he thinks you look alike? And he's all like 'But I've seen his eyes glow green' and 'they're never in the same roo-hoo-hoom." Dash wheezed and started hacking and coughing.

Danny carefully constructed a look of offence.

"Hey I mean, it's not THAT funny. Why couldn't I be Phantom! I know how to use a Fenton Thermos! Look I even HAVE one right-" he torn open his backpack and pulled one out, making sure to fumble it in a terrific display of fuck-uppery and drop it noisily on the cafeteria floor, he dropped to his knees trying to grab it but knocked it under a table.

A few girls standing nearby who'd been listening in started tittering, one of the guys sitting at the table snorted milk through his nose and Dash was just about on the floor in hysterics.

Even Sam and Tucker covered their mouths in an attempt to look like they were holding in laughter. Tucker muttered to Sam, just loud enough for people around to hear.

"I mean, he's our friend and we love him, but god that was painful to watch. He knows he's terrible at ghost hunting! He's got like, nothing but thumbs."

Danny climbed under the table, grabbed at the thermos and lifted it up as he crawled back out.

"See! See! I have a thermos! I could TOTALLY be Phantom!"

Sam walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's okay bud, I think you'd be a great Phantom." her voice was thick with her usual sarcasm, soaked in pity though it were.

Danny's ears burned in embarrassment, he might have been humiliating himself on purpose, but it was still humiliating, watching everyone laugh at him for being so weak and incompetent. He was grateful to his friends for pushing through their discomfort and keeping up the act, it was still painful, but it came with a wash of pure unadulterated relief.

Nobody believed this Wes guy, nobody thought it could be even remotely possible. People would talk about it for a little while, have a laugh, maybe there would be a few memes and in-jokes, but eventually it would drop off. People would forget all about it and it would be just another notch on the gossip mill belt.

Even if someone DID believe it, they could never admit it for fear of vicious ridicule, for once in his life peer pressure was his friend.

And then Wes walked in.

Once Danny saw him he realised that he did recognise Wes, he'd seen him hanging around Kwan a few times, and chatting with Star, he was also in Danny's english class. That was about as familiar as he got with the guy, they'd never spoken a word to each other.

Wes had a terrifying expression of seething fury ripping across his face. He was glaring at Dash.

"It's NOT. FUNNY."

Dash was completely unable to stand, it was honestly overkill, Danny almost thought he was hamming it up on purpose, but maybe not, his face was turning an alarming shade of red after all.

"Wes don-" Dash gasped. "Don't do this to me man, I can't brea-" Dash was gasping for air, trying desperately to hold down the giggles.

Danny could almost see steam rising as Wes seethed. Then suddenly that furious stare was shooting daggers straight at him. Danny shrank into himself, looking as small and helpless as he possibly could.

"Uh hey Wes, um, I've heard the news." he joked tacking on a nervous laugh for emphasis. "Uh, soooo," he tossed the thermos from hand to hand, nearly dropping it again. "Is this like, just a joke or do you really-?"

Dash continued to wheeze, Kwan was holding him up by the arm, muttering about getting some water to cool off.

Wes strode over until he and Danny were face to face, he was taller by a good couple inches, even more so with Danny making a conscious effort to appear small.

Wes jabbed a sharp finger into his collarbone.

"Don't think I'm fooled by this pathetic act you've got going on, I am ONTO you, Phantom." he spat.

Danny glanced sidelong at the table beside him, silently begging for assistance, they only watched in silence, strained faces trying not to laugh. A glance the other way to his friends, they simply shrugged.

"Um, okaaay," Danny started backing away slowly. "Uh look Wes I am honestly really flattered but, do we really look that alike?" Danny ran a hand through his hair and then pointed up at Wes. "I mean we BOTH kinda have Phantom's haircut."

Sam deadpanned from the sidelines, "Maybe they're BOTH Phantom."

"We should start marketing that haircut." Tucker muttered to himself, tapping something on his tablet. "We could make a fortune, are you any good at hairdressing?"

Sam shot him a look of disgust and did not dignify the question with a response.

"Don't play dumb you two," said Wes, flipping his focus, "You're definitely in on this!"

The entire cafeteria was awash with giggles by this point. Just about everyone had heard about Wes' theory, but were mostly convinced it was some kinda joke. Now? Now they knew Wes was straight up fucking delusional.

He glanced around as people laughed, at him. At HIM.

"It's not funny!" he yelled over the crowed, the tittering increased in volume. Someone across the room yelled-

"Hey if I get the haircut, can I be Phantom too?"

One of the goths stood up on her seat.

"I've GOT the haircut! Mom says it's MY TURN to be the Phantom!"

There was a fresh round of mirthful laughter, some kids wheezing as hard as Dash had been. Another few kids piped up above the cacophony, throwing jokes of their own.

"I've got a soup thermos so I'm Phantom now, sorry sweaty I don't make the rules."

"If I wear a Phantom shirt does that make me Phantom ALL the time or am I only Phantom when I'm wearing it?"

"I have an ass, Phantom has an ass. Conclusion: I am Phantom's ass."

"Tag yourself I'm the thermos."

"DO THE BUTTS MATCH?"

Wes had been trying to scream over the din, infuriated, desperate to find SOMEONE who would listen.

Danny gave him a pat on the back.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, The Guys in White once hunted some guy down because he had white hair, if a government agency can fuck that up then-"

Wes slugged him.

It wasn't a particularly solid punch like Dash's hits, it was quick and precise, Was wasn't a brawny guy, but he was lean and fast and had good aim.

Danny whuffed out a heavy breath as Wes' fist collided with his sternum and he collapsed to the floor.

Everyone in the cafeteria lost their shit, a few people screamed and one table of football jocks all stood up chanting, "FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT."

Tucker ran over to him as Sam stepped up and without hesitation slammed a fist straight into Wes' nose.

The footballers lost their minds, one of the goths stood up on their table screaming "REPRESEEENT!!"

Wes backed up immediately, crying out from the sharp pain blossoming across his face, he'd never been hit before and couldn't pull his thoughts together quick enough to throw a punch back at her, so he was taken by surprise once again as Sam placed a solid roundhouse kick to his stomach.

He had certainly not been expecting that kind of brute strength from her, she had incapacitated him swiftly and effectively, barely having broken a sweat.

One of his teammates hollered over the crowd and came barrelling down on the goth, she dodged without batting an eye and darted nimbly out of the way, giving the guy a quick kick in the pants to throw him off balance as she rocketed for the cafeteria door.

As Wes took a deep breath through his mouth, his nose dripping blood, he realised that Danny and Tucker were gone. The fight had lasted only seconds but Sam had run distraction well enough for the boys to take off without anyone noticing, a glance around showed Tucker supporting Danny about to exit through the cafeteria doors.

The doors opened to an out of breath Mr Lancer on the other side.

"'The Light Fantastic!' WHAT is going on here?!"

Oh they were all so fucked.

#danny phantom #wes weston #I definitely wanna write a sequel in detention #danny phantom fanfiction #Lula's headcanons #Lula's fanfics

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conscious-love · 3 years

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Hi there. I’m having trouble with forgiving myself over past mistakes. I have a perfectionist mind and when I think I was not perfect my mind will randomly remember it during quiet moments in my day. How do I forgive myself? Also, I love the blue in your blog! Thank you for your time and have a lovely day :)

First of all, LOL to your username 😂 And thanks! Blue is my favourite colour 💙

Edit: they changed their username

So, hello! 👋🏻 I’m all too familiar with perfectionism, and I know what it’s like to wrestle with guilt. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

It feels like perfectionism is simply a fear of failure, and it is that, but more than that, it is rooted in fear of being shamed by others. This can stem from childhood: parents who only praised us for achievements, being known as the “gifted kid” or “the smart one,” parents/peers who ridiculed/rejected us, an insecure attachment style, and so on.

It can sometimes be connected to OCD. That said, not every perfectionist has OCD and not everyone with OCD is a perfectionist.

Sometimes it is just learned behaviour — it’s because our family was that way.

And sometimes a traumatic and/or deeply embarrassing event can trigger it. Traumatic events include things we’ve done wrong; in fact, the literature on trauma has shown that we are more deeply traumatized by “bad” things we’ve done than the things that have happened to us.

Regardless of the cause, perfectionism is highly treatable. Re-wiring our brain is not easy, but it gets easier with practice. It’s about finding the right resources and techniques, being consistent in practicing, and having compassion for ourselves.

The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. Because perfectionism is rooted in fear of shame, the way to overcome this affliction is to be kind to ourselves, and to teach ourselves to be okay with “good enough,” instead of viewing it as failure. This really is all about re-framing our thoughts around success, productivity, failure, flaws, and ultimately — worthiness.

It’s very common for anxious and ruminating thoughts to enter our mind while we’re at rest. Our response is often to keep ourselves busy, but this is not an effective long-term strategy. You’ve got to face those thoughts head-on (pun intended). If you don’t get to the root of the problem, you’ll never untangle it. Not only that, the problem will compound.

So how do we combat these ruminating thoughts about failure and guilt? You’ve already alluded to the answer — forgive yourself. Here’s what I know about failure, guilt, and self-forgiveness:

All forgiveness starts with acceptance. You have to admit to yourself that you are not perfect, that you’ve made mistakes, and that you will continue to make mistakes almost every day for the rest of your life. This does not mean resigning to mediocrity, and it does not mean shaming yourself. It is neutral. You are not perfect. You make mistakes. That’s just the way it is.

Once it’s sunk in that you are not, in fact, perfect, it’s time to accept that you’re not supposed to be perfect, and that you never will be. Accepting you’re not perfect is one thing, but if you still have it in your mind that you’re going to keep trying until you’re perfect one day, you’ll remain stuck in this cycle of anxiety and shame.

You need to internalize the reality that by virtue of being human, you are imperfect. To quote Brené Brown, “you are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” On that note, definitely check out Brené Brown, she’s freaking amazing — she’s a research professor and the world’s leading authority on vulnerability and shame. Here is her first Ted Talk called The Power Of Vulnerability and here is her second one called Listening To Shame. Her books are great as well; here is a list of her books. I also enjoy her podcast, Unlocking Us; here is a link to it on Apple Podcasts, and here is a link to it on Spotify. I’m seeing now that she actually has another podcast as well, called Dare To Lead; it’s not on Apple Podcasts, but here is the link to it on Spotify.

Anyway, where I was going with that was, you are imperfect because you are human, and that is a good thing. If you were perfect, no one on earth would want to be near you for very long. You would make people feel inadequate, and they would not feel truly understood. They would not feel like they can open up to you, or that they have anything to truly bond over. You would only ever have surface-level interactions. Being imperfect is vulnerable, and you can’t have true connection without vulnerability. Not only should you forgive your imperfection, you should embrace it! 🤍

Messing up and falling short don’t exactly feel good, but they don’t have to feel like the end of the world either. In fact, with practice, you can let failure motivate, not discourage you. Making a mistake brings you one step closer to mastery. Learning that you’re wrong is a blessing; it reorients you on your way to finding the truth. Without mistakes, you wouldn’t be able to walk today. You wouldn’t know how to read, unless you were born with the magical ability to download information instantaneously. We fail forward, that is how we learn and gain competency. Failure is our signal that we’ve done something wrong, and that we need to reassess and recalibrate. It’s valuable feedback, and it’s necessary for growth and success.

Guilt is useful insofar that it gives you feedback about your decisions; it teaches you lessons, guides you to live in alignment with your morals, and helps you be loving and fair in your relationships. But once you’ve learned the lesson or received the feedback, you need to drop that shit immediately. Harbouring guilt beyond its utility is not noble, it’s self-destructive, and harmful to the people around you. Maybe you’re wondering how that could be. “Aren’t these people the most sorry? Aren’t they the last person who’d cause harm?” Counterintuitive as it sounds, I’ll explain why it’s harmful. Being around someone with a guilt complex is exhausting. They often project their insecurities onto you, accusing you of insulting their morals or intentions. You have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid triggering a shame spiral. You hear them say the same things over and over again, ruminating over their mistakes but never learning their lesson (which means embodying it, not just thinking and talking about it). You watch them make poor decisions because they don’t feel worthy of good things, and it hurts watching someone you love do that to themselves. It’s paradoxical. People hold on to guilt because they’re worried about being a “bad person” or a “failure.” Little do they know, pathological guilt (aka shame) morphs a person into someone who is far from virtuous. Chronic guilt makes people self-centred, because everything reminds them of their suffering. It makes them afraid of vulnerability, and the inability or unwillingness to be vulnerable is cowardice. Furthermore, pathological guilt doesn’t make you a better person. A person who learns their lesson, makes amends if necessary and appropriate, vows to never do it again, and puts it behind them, is someone who turns their mistakes into fuel for personal growth — and they become a better person. The person who messes up then dwells on it forever? That person is not growing. Those with pathological guilt can seem like they’ve learned and grown because they go on and on about their guilt. But becoming a better person after failure means striving to be your best self, so that you can do as little harm and as much good as possible going forward. But shame doesn’t help anyone. Shame inhibits a person’s ability to show up as their best self and create the most positive change they can, and that is the paradox — that believing you are a bad person only takes you further and further away from becoming a truly virtuous person. That’s not to say that those who are plagued by shame are bad people — in fact, their “guilt” is actually illogical — what it means is that shame is so corrosive that it foils even the most well-intentioned person’s efforts to grow, and avoid doing harm. In other words, it’s not helping. Let it go.

So what does self-forgiveness look like on a practical level? It means not shaming yourself for transgressions, being patient with yourself, and speaking kindly to yourself.

When you hurt someone, you make amends if necessary, possible, and appropriate; you learn from your mistake, and you promise yourself to never do it again. The mistake has given you valuable feedback, and now you’re a better person because of it (and your relationship was probably deepened/strengthened as well).

When it’s icy out and you slip on the sidewalk, you laugh instead of looking around frantically to see if anyone saw you. You notice thoughts like, “oh my god I can’t believe I did that,” and “I’m such an idiot/clutz,” and come back at them with thoughts like “wow that was close, I could have seriously hurt myself, but thankfully I didn’t,” and “oh my god wait until I tell ___ about this😂” and (sarcastically), “well that was pleasant.🙄”

When you study your hardest for a test but you don’t do as well as you hoped, you let yourself feel sad for a couple minutes or seconds, and then you come in with the self-compassion. “I tried my best and that’s what matters,” and “well, now I know what I need to work on,” and “at least I got some right,” and “at least I showed up and took the test even though I was nervous. That took courage.”

When you’re not feeling great emotionally and it’s affecting your schoolwork or your ability to socialize or your ability to keep up with household tasks and self care, you don’t use shame to try to motivate yourself. You first admit to yourself that you’re not feeling your best, and that it’s affecting your ability to function at your best. You take care of yourself as best as you can, and remove unnecessary tasks and pressure. You figure out why you’re feeling this way, so that you can then figure out what to do about it. And sometimes, that something is just waiting it out, because sometimes that’s all we can do. You practice being patient with yourself.

Those ^ are some of the ways opportunities to practice self-forgiveness will pop up in your everyday life. Here are some that you can do intentionally:

Do your inner work. Go to therapy if you can afford it, talk to loved ones, watch videos, read articles and books, etc. Research self-forgiveness and self-compassion, and other topics like personal growth, healing and recovery. Journal about your history with shame and perfectionism. See if you can find clues that might explain how they came to be. What purpose does perfectionism have in your life? We don’t develop these coping mechanisms for no reason. Even the most toxic of coping mechanisms work in some way, but they don’t help as much as others, and they generally do more harm than good. Yet, we develop them for a reason, and becoming aware of those reasons helps us have compassion for ourselves, and will allow us to create new strategies to meet those needs and solve those problems.

Practice. Do something imperfectly on purpose. Beth Main said, “Set up some practice situations for yourself. For example, resolve to write one email every day without revising it… Tell yourself, ‘I don’t want to be a perfectionist. I am choosing to let this one go.’” To offer a personal example, I use Exposure Therapy to cope with my OCD. Just the other day, I saw that two boxes in my room were not stacked perfectly one on top of the other (the top one was off slightly to one side). I walked over to fix it then caught myself. I stopped and said (out loud), “no,” and turned back around. Normally, I’d spend at least 5-10 seconds (on a good day) making sure it’s even. But I didn’t give in. It’s these small moments of noticing old, outdated, conditioned thoughts, and countering them with our new, chosen, healthy mental habits that add up and create lasting changes. Perfectionism and shame are mental habits, and like any other, can be transcended. Similarly, forgiveness is a skill that can be developed and honed.

I’ll leave you with some of my favourite quotes (and a few I just found) about perfectionism, personal growth, mistakes, lessons, vulnerability and self-awareness. I’ll only include a couple ones by Brené Brown cause there are literally hundreds I could include 😄 (seriously, check her out, she’s amazing).

If you stop reading here, I hope this helps! Take care 😊 ~ Bella

On perfectionism

Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

~ Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

•

A disproportionate need for control — and an overwhelming fear of the uncertainty that can exist in uncontrolled situations — can lead [one] to adopt paralyzingly rigid roles almost like armor against life’s uncertainties.”

~ Allan Mallinger, Jeannette Dewyze, Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control

•

Striving for excellence is a positive quality. Striving for perfection is self-defeating.

~ Melody Beattie

Personal growth

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.

~ Brené Brown

•

And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.

~ John Steinbeck

•

You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

~ Louise L. Hay

•

Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.

~ Tara Brach

•

You don’t want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up.

~ Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

•

Forgiving yourself, not guilt, increases personal accountability.

~ David D. Burns

•

Never forget that to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good work in the world.

~ D. Patrick Miller

•

Forgive yourself, you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey.

~ Shannon Yvette Tanner

•

You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you’ve been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change a single thing in the past. Forgive yourself, then move on!

~ Wayne Dyer

•

If we doubt that the foundation for inner work is compassion for self and self-honoring behavior, we need only remind ourselves that the opposite approach, feeling guilty or judging ourselves has never really worked.

~ John Earle

•

Dwelling on past bad decisions you've made only allows those decisions to keep defining you. Forgive yourself and move on.

~ Mandy Hale

•

When thinking about life remember this: no amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.

~ Unknown

•

An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity, and heaviness of the past you carry around.

~ Debbie Ford

•

Forgiveness takes the burden of hate, guilt, and bitterness off your back and, with a lighter load, you can climb higher and faster, and be much happier in the process.

~ Unknown

•

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but wisdom, understanding, and love.

~ Jennifer Edwards

•

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

~ Oscar Wilde

•

Guilt can either hold you back from growing, or it can show you what you need to shift in your life.

~ Unknown

•

The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.

~ Stephen Richards

Mistakes = wisdom

I don't think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil.

~ Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

•

You cannot travel back in time to fix your mistakes, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself for not knowing better.

~ Leon Brown

•

Your past mistakes are meant to guide you not define you.

~ Unknown

•

The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.

~ Unknown

Vulnerability mindset

Just because things hadn’t gone the way I had planned didn’t necessarily mean they had gone wrong.

~ Ann Patchett; What Now?

•

I don’t want to be a perfectionist. I am choosing to let this one go.

~ Beth Main

•

Self-hatred does not serve me.

~ The Yogamad, 45 Forgiveness Affirmations to Let Go of Pain and Find Freedom

Self-awareness

Become aware of the negative ways perfectionism affects you. A few of the problems the authors address in Too Perfect are procrastination, missed deadlines, pickiness, difficulty making decisions, avoiding commitments, lost opportunities, general dissatisfaction with life, guardedness in relationships, and constant worry and ruminations.

~ Beth Main

•

Forgive yourself for what you think you’ve done or not done. At every moment, you had your reasons for all of your actions and decisions. You’ve always done the best that you could do. Forgive yourself.

~ Doreen Virtue

•

Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.

~ Mark Victor Hansen

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Your inner critic is simply a part of you that needs more self-love.

~ Amy Leigh Mercree

•

The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.

~ Confucius

•

There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears up the air of guilt and defensiveness but often helps solve the problem created by the error.

~ Dale Carnegie

✨💙✨💙✨💙✨

I hope this helps! Take care 😊

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wackywritings · 3 years

Text

Rafe Cameron - hurt

"Rafe?" Her question was uncertain, quivering lips doing nothing to hide her anxiety-ridden thoughts. She had nothing to be afraid of if it was the boy she thought it was. But if it wasn't, someone was currently breaking into her bedroom through her window, and she'd have no way to defend herself.

"Yeah." His voice threaded through the darkness of her room. She'd let out a relieved breath at the familiarity of it, but she had no reason to be relieved. If anything, the very sound of his voice, nothing but a strained whisper, should make her worry. The clicking noise of her bedroom window shutting making her so very aware of his presence in her room. Once again.

His footsteps surfaced, then, and it only took a couple before he was at her side. She could barely make out his form, the outline of muscular thighs replaced by broad shoulders as he crouched down next to her bed. For a second she thought she saw his hand reach out to her, and thoughts of him tenderly stroking her face with his large hands, perhaps tracing a calloused finger over her lips, which she would part to huff out a shaky breath she'd be holding way too long, surfaced in her mind.

Instead he reached for her bedside lamp. The light made her eyes squeeze shut for a second, and she knew he must be surpressing a laugh at how ridiculously pathetic she looked as she did. Her messy hair sprawled out across her pillow and the shirt he'd left here last time engulfing her body as it functioned as her pyjama top no doubt adding to that image.

For a moment she thought her worry over him had been for nothing. That he was finally here because he wanted to be, and not because he had to. But when her eyes adjusted to the light she realised she'd been wrong to think that way, and she quickly sat upright.

"Jesus, Rafe." Her eyes raked over his face, examining the bruise forming underneath his eye that blossomed far out to the side of his face, the dried blood underneath his nose that had dripped onto his lips. It must leave a metallic taste on his mouth that she wouldn't mind taking away at all. She'd stare at the droplets a little while longer if she wasn't so aware of his gaze being directly on her. So she looked into his eyes, concern written all over her face.

"It's nothing, Y/N."

"What even-"

His large hand coming up into the air as he angled his head signalled for her to not ask that question. What even happened? It was a simple question, one that he no doubt knew the answer to. But he didn't allow her to know it too. The second to last time he'd come to her, she'd learned later that he'd fought with JJ. He looked worse than Rafe did, admittedly because she'd iced his cheek to prevent any swelling. But she couldn't help but wonder if he had felt worse about it. Hurting her friends.

"Am I gonna have to lie to my friends again?" She questioned then.

"Y/N." It was pleading, tired, desperate, annoyed. Her question had crossed a line. If he talked to her more, perhaps told her more about himself so she could piece together what he was all about, she'd know he wasn't mad at her question. Simply afraid that whatever judgement she had towards him would stop her from taking care of him. From caring about him.

So he answered. "No." It was firm, and his voice was hoarse. But it was honest. "This was Topper." A dry laugh emanated from his lips, his gaze at her so serious it would be unbearable had they been in any other predicament then they were now. She was confused, sure, but she'd asked enough questions for the day, so she kept her mouth shut as she nodded her head towards her ensuite.

It was routine now. He'd lean against the sink, entrapping her between his legs as she worked on the cuts and bruises. Hisses leaving his lips involuntarily anytime she applied a little too much pressure. Softer touches would follow, as would her muttered 'sorry' and shushes as she took care of him. She'd try time and time again to find any sign of pain in his eyes, but he always had them closed. It wasn't pain, though. No. It was pure bliss at her tender care, at finally having someone there for him. It was also because he knew her well enough that with one look into his eyes, she would unravel him like a ball of yarn; all his worries and twisted thoughts and pain would be displayed to her. Most importantly, she'd see the love he held for her. And he was sure he wouldn't find the same in her eyes.

"All done." She whispered after a while, taking a step back from him. His sign to open his eyes again. "You gonna be okay?"

He nodded, swallowed thickly before smiling a wry smile. She was talking about more than just his injuries- and he knew that. But he couldn't bring himself to open up to her. Not yet, anyway.

"At least tell me Topper looked worse." She tried to lighten the mood. Sensing his discomfort, wanting to push further but dancing around it nonetheless.

"Nah. He kicked my ass." He chuckled. Swiped a hand across his lips to hide his smile, a habit that she'd picked up on way back when he came here the first time.

"Get him next time, then."

"Are you condoning violence now, Y/N?" He tsked at her.

"I would never do such thing." But the smile on her face betrayed the fact that she was, even though she was merely teasing him.

"Hm. Sure. Not as innocent as you look, are ya?" He pushed himself off the sink, taking a step closer to her.

"You're not as good of a fighter as you'd think, either." She crossed her arms across her chest.

He had to look away, then. It gave her the opportunity to momentarily stare at his lips again, only to realise that he was biting them at her remark. She had to look away a lot quicker than she'd wanted, sucking in a breath as she did. He would no doubt be surprised at the blush that adorned her cheeks as he looked back at her.

"You're really not afraid of me, are you?" It was an earnest question stemming from her challenging remark, and as he looked at her flushed cheeks, her doe-like eyes staring up at his figure, he realised he didn't have to ask it in the first place.

The shaking of her head only confirmed his thought.

He didn't know why he responded the way he did. He could've taken another step closer, engulfed her figure in a tight hug, kissed the top of her head. Thanked her for what she did for him. Really thanked her. But instead he felt bitterness. Tasted it, too, combined with the metallic taste of blood that suddenly resurfaced. His brows furrowed, and he just knew she noticed the tears that formed in his eyes but never once spilled. The anger in his eyes made her drop her arms to her side. His whole body felt stiff all of a sudden, his shoulders tensing as he balled his fists. Her expression changed as he did, her lips tightly shut together at his abrupt change in attitude. He scoffed, took an uncertain step backwards before turning his back to her. He had all intention of leaving without another word. But he doubted himself. Like he did all the fucking time. His hands were brought up to his hair, fingers raking through his locks before tugging on them in frustration.

He only turned his head halfway as he couldn't resist the urge to look at her. His jawline sharp as his jaw clamped shut, the dim bathroom light overhead made the contour all the more prominent, as it did to the bruise contrasting his pale skin. He knew with the way he was staring at her, he looked intimidating. He'd seen plenty of people sink into their own when they'd see him like this. The thought made his eyes roll back. She had dropped her shoulders, her eyes wide as she kept her gaze on him. Not in fear, but in disappointment. She, too, had hoped their little teasing had lasted longer. God, why was he like this.

"You should be." The bitterness seeped through, bordering on the line between a sneer and a threat.

And he left her there. Climbed out the window just as he'd come in. Sure, he'd come back as soon as he got beat up again. They'd never even mention this night. But it would play on his mind like a record player that had gotten stuck.

Truth is, he was scared. Not because he thought she was going to hurt him like everyone else did.

But because he knew she wouldn't.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #obx #outerbanks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron oneshot #drew starkey

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whumpshaped · 2 years

Text

this one is very heavy i think. possibly not too coherent. absolutely not my best work. mostly just a huge dump of thoughts lmao

trigger warnings: detailed noncon, self-deprecation, victim blaming, very fucky thoughts, noncon touching and kissing and everything, conditioned whumpee, pet whump, being taken advantage of, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, crying

They couldn't explain why. They'd wanted this, they'd dreamt about it, fantasized about it, wrote entire novels about it in their notes, and now it was freaking them out, they wanted to bolt and never look back. They couldn't even remember how it all started, all they remembered was that terrible, heart-clenching, gut-wrenching anxiety that was tearing them apart from the inside.

They couldn't decide between playing their part and screaming for it to stop. It would've been ridiculous to tell Seth no, he wasn't someone to be told to stop, and especially not by them. Not after all they'd done to get so close to him. Not after he finally decided to give them the attention they were craving.

But the thought of playing along and enduring another second of it was making them sick to their stomach. They couldn't handle any of this, the way they were pinned to the floor by someone twice their size was making them nauseous, like they were trapped, like they couldn't breathe, it was suffocating, demanding, too much.

They couldn't find their voice to tell him how they felt. It didn't matter, they figured, Seth wouldn't have listened. He wanted to take something, and he was going to go through with it. Nothing had even happened yet, apart from a few way too intrusive kisses and his lips slowly trailing down their neck, but they felt like they were going to burst into tears at any moment.

They'd wanted this. They'd wanted this, they were supposed to be ecstatic, they were supposed to enjoy it, get all needy and desperate like Seth wanted them to. And they tried to play the part, they tried their best to the point that anyone from the outside would've said they were just as eager to do this as Seth seemed to be. Moaning, panting, they tried so hard to be perfect, to be everything Seth wanted them to be, everything they thought they were supposed to be in a situation like this.

They felt exposed, even before the clothes started to come off. Self-conscious, disgusting, pathetic, a whore, a fucking freak, a sinner, oh, they were the lowest of the low, and the way they managed to get themself at least halfway into the right mindset, the way their body finally started reacting - it wasn't helping. It made them feel like a fraud. They were only acting, why couldn't Seth tell that they didn't actually want it? Did they want it? Nobody would've been able to tell that they didn't.

But they could tell. The feeling was impossible to ignore. It was eating them up from the inside, just as Seth did from the outside. Their fragile body was being devoured from both sides, leaving nothing for them, nothing but the formless, invisible feeling of being permanently ruined.

They gasped, tears rolling down their cheeks, too far gone to register Seth's reaction. Too far gone to register their own. They were disgusting. Used. Chewed up and spat out, left to die and rot and decompose, all alone in their misery and self-pity. It was their fault. They wanted it, they showed up at his house, they even played along, never once had they said the word no.

Would it have mattered?

They wouldn't know. They never tried. They played along.

They were floating above their own body, staring down at the mess Seth left behind, staring at those dull, teary eyes and parted lips, much too pale skin littered with bite marks and bruises from being groped too hard. All of it was too harsh, too harsh for someone as fragile as them. And now they were broken, with no one to put them back together again.

They'd enjoyed it. Seth had said so, they could remember that, for just a moment before the memory slipped away from them like a leaf in the early autumn wind. Flashes of what had happened were dancing across their vision, but they couldn't comprehend them. All they wanted was a shower. A bath, rather, where they could disappear and drown in the water like they were drowning in their own emotions.

Ruined.

#the bad scribbles #writer whumper #citrus scale #lemon

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yanderenightmare · 4 years

Note

ooh I wanna see ua bakugo frustrate with his affection over this clueless moron, kinda like shoto, like he gives her like a flower and she's just like wuut .__.

yandere ! BAKUGO KATSUKI

Support me at KO-FI if you feel like it<3

This is so cute, I can’t. Don’t know if this is what you wanted hahahaha, but I have a weak spot for like Luna Lovegood girls, like Alice in Wonderland derpy pigtailed pastel Melanie Martinez lookin’ cupcakes. And made this still in the UA au... hope that’s ok!

goodiebag WARNINGS: slight yandere, slight dubcon theme, profanity, anxiety, hallucinations, stalking

SCARY LOVE

He felt like such a stalker, like a wolf hiding in the grass, just a disgusting waste of a human being standing and ogling her from the safe distance, far enough away that she wouldn’t care to look up, but just close enough to see the color in her eyes from where she was planted in the shade under the campus willow-tree.

Why was she so fucking cute?

Her locks knotted up into two big messy buns, big splendid pastel bows tying them both into place, one blue, the other pink, matching puffy scrunchies decorating both her wrists. Cute. Small wisps of light flowing hair falling in front of her face, tickling her nose, making it scrunch like a how bunny would every now and again. Cute. White ruffled socks reaching halfway up her leg. Cute. Her knees baring pastel-colored band-aids and small scrapes and purple bruises, in the same state her elbows were. Cute. Nimble fingers handling the book that seemed so out-of-place in its size where it weighed down heavily in her lap. She looked like such a fucking fairytale. A soft-tinted cotton-candy daydream.

Ready to have his bloody hands fuck up everything.

Bloody hell. What the fuck is he doing?

He can’t just stand there like some lovesick freak and do nothing, simply waiting for the school-bell to sound off its alarm, making her jump up like a little bunny popping up from its rabbit-hole where she’ll struggle with carrying that ridiculous book and sit down in class only to daydream about going back outside, but not before she’ll walk past him, allowing him to smell that sweet perfume that always has his heart clenching furiously in his chest and his cock growing warm and heavy in his pants.

What is wrong with him?

He can’t be thinking of her like that. This sweet precious little flower sitting so quietly with no wish to bother anyone, so soft and sweet he bet she’d cry if she so much as stepped on an ant. He wondered if she was a crier, if she’d be this adorable little crybaby ball of sobs and wet moans beneath him. He wondered what types of sound she’d make if he shoved his cock inside her. If she’d squeal and gasp and hiccup at his size, if she’d mewl, if she’d whimper, if she’d scream.

Fuck.

He needed to calm the fuck down.

To think he would never have met her if he hadn’t been forced to sign up to that stupid side-course. To think he was so mad that he didn’t make the cut for the class about war-theory and was forced to take philosophy with a bunch of air-headed freaks instead. To think he almost didn’t meet her. To think- fuck, he’s even starting to sound like one of them fucking philosophy-ditzes.

To be or not to be, or to drool over the girl sitting beneath the willow-tree.

Maybe that’s what he should submit next time they have one of those moronic poetry sessions. Perhaps then she would look at him with interest, with surprise and even praise, maybe even reverence, mirroring the look he gives her when she stands on the podium reciting her swirling words and artful descriptions, looking as though she’s entirely in her own world, dreaming, not just speaking but preaching, preaching to him about gods he’s never heard of yet somehow always believed in.

He used to believe gods drank blood and could only be celebrated through pain, that they made creatures like him, crafted him from dragon bones and fire and everything sharp and deadly, crafting him from war for war to become war itself, to find purpose in conquering, to find worth in glory. But now… looking at this creature, this creature who celebrates life and not death through laughter and daydreams and love far away from pain, he knows he’s had it all wrong.

He’s no good with words. He never has been. Except when insulting people, then he turns into a fucking lyric. What she can do is a gift. Either that, or she’s simply just insane. Either way, he doesn’t really care. She’s still soft, a tender type of madness, sweet and small and would look so good with a couple of love-bites to crash that display of milk and cream and cotton, so fucking brilliant with his handprint marking her ass… and he’s doing it again.

Fuck.

None of that will happen if he doesn’t grow a pair and go talk to her. But he can’t just talk to her. He has nothing to say. Or he has plenty to say, but nothing she could hear. He needed to find the most straightforward approach, however… while it needed to be unmistakable or lest she misunderstand, it couldn’t be aggressive. That would frighten her and he couldn’t risk spooking her away. He couldn’t risk ruining everything. It was apparent she didn’t think too much of him except that he was an angry looking boy in her Friday-classes, he needed to prove he too could be… sweet… or at least something akin to it.

He was wrong in thinking that anything would make her look up from her book. Even as he stood a mere meter away from her, she didn’t look up, completely lost and submerged in her own world as she always was. Only when he cleared his throat did she finally lift her gaze, eyes fluttering from traveling the pages and blinked softly to look up at him.

Cute.

He forgot to say anything, with a hand reached out, fisting the air, knuckles whitening in his grip, where inside the seemingly furious hand was something to contrast his otherwise deadly red stare.

The look of puzzlement on her face was insurmountable. Her small hands giving no indication to receive whatever he was offering.

“Is this a threat?” Came her soft voice, shaking him out of the faze he’d slipped into, though quickly plunging him into another one, this time not so much anticipation but confusion.

“What? No!” The both of them simply looked at each other for a moment. Bakugo’s hand still protruding out towards her, the thing in his hand no more tempting to accept than before to the girl who was still planted, making no action to get up from her spot.

“I don’t understand…” She admitted, wondering if he perhaps wanted her seat in the shade, but wasn’t given the time to ask the question as he decided to clear things up.

“It’s a flower.”

She could see that. It was a flower ripped from its root, an otherwise healthy flower before being suffocated in Bakugo’s death-grip.

“It’s a dead flower…” She corrected, a hint of sorrow on her features and he knew he was already failing in his pursuit, wanting to make things right before they could derail even more.

“It’s pretty... like you.” That came out as even more an ominous threat he realized, indicating she’d end up like the proven pretty dead flower in his chokehold.

“Are you sure this isn’t a threat?” The fact that she felt the need to ask him not only once but twice told him all he needed to know of her thoughts regarding him. She obviously thought he was a deranged explosive beast from the Hero-course.

“Goddamn it, no, I…” He frustrated, finding it hard to arrange the words, finding it hard to even find the words. “You… You’re so… You-” She was oblivious to how much he was struggling it seemed, as her personality suddenly shifted and she jumped up, book thrown to her side rather recklessly, skirt with ruffles and all bouncy with the same vigor as her tits.

“Oh!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together, eyes wide with such bright light Bakugo almost felt blinded by, it even managing to frightened him a bit. “Thank you, that’s very good to know! I’d be terrified if I was anyone but me!” His brows lifted in dawning realization, feeling safer by being calmed by the reminder of how he was talking to a ditz, a complete mental-case… though… a mental-case who’d managed to dance her way and get lost in his heart. “Pardon me for being so blunt, but I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t ask.” Preparing him for her question, she leant in just a bit more, looking at him intently. “Are you yourself today, Bakugo?”

As absurd as the question was to him, when it rolled off her tongue it nearly seemed like the most casual of things to ask someone, as though she was requesting his thoughts on the weather. And though it was the epitome of peculiar, the more he thought about it, the more he realized how appropriate the question was, because he were, in fact, not at all feeling like himself.

“… No.”

She gave a contemplative look and a hum. “Then you must be Baku-gone…” He couldn’t hold back the snort that followed her statement, again being reminded of what a complete klutz she was, something so far away from his cynical view of the world and something far more relaxing than what his fears had managed to conjure of her rejection. It seemed so ridiculous now, that he’d thought she would run away or scream, never having let himself imagine her in what he knew was her true nature, light-hearted and incapable of doing any harm, at least not on purpose. “Wow, you really must be, huh?” She continued, fishing him out of his curt chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh. Come to think of it… I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you smile.” She mused, admiring the small pleasantness stretched upon his face.

But then his brows furrowed, the happiness seeping from his features and leaving them contorted with annoyance, much to her dismay, regretting her choice of words. “I smile.” He argued, looking at her as though demanding she explain herself.

She cocked her head to the side, eyeing him, scrunching her brows and biting her lip for a second or two as though she were in deep thought, not wanting to upset him any further, though not wanting to speak without candidness. “No… you… bare teeth… like a wolf eager to catch its prey.” His ears retracted, features taken aback by her observation, finding he couldn’t quite say otherwise, though he’d never viewed it that way, but again, the more he thought about it, the more all her strange words made sense as he found them to be true. Silly of him to think his wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing approach could fool her, silly of him to think he could fool himself into believing she’d ever consider going out with someone so… predatory.

Though, minds are easily swayed, he reminded himself of. Her opinion of him wasn’t set in stone after all. “Does it scare you?” He finally asked, finding that was the only thing he was actually curious about. Though… perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst thing if she did fear him just a bit, because god knows how terrified he is of her and how she makes him feel as though he’s bleeding or falling or stripped of everything, cut by the knees and naked and so very needy to have her just look at him.

“I would say no, but I cannot lie.” His heart sunk upon hearing her admit it, disappointed, not sure if it was in her or in him.

She’s scared… Of course, she is scared! Who wouldn’t be? Dumb of him to think anything else.

“But, that’s rather the point isn’t it? To scare people?” She took a step forward, eyes bright and hopeful, hating to think she’d upset him.

“Not you.” It was barely above a whisper, words simply cast out there, and it left the girl looking perplexed, curious and even guilt-stricken or ashamed.

“Well… I shouldn’t fear things I know too little about… that would be silly…” She felt the urge to touch him, wanting him to truly hear her words, wanting to enforce them by touch, yet as her hands reached out to take his all so brazenly her eyes fell upon the flower again. She didn’t really have any wish to touch something dead, it always being such a cold and empty feeling running like ice through her veins, yet she reached out to receive the flower anyway, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “So, if not my fear, what is it this Bakugone wishes of me then?” She slipped on a tender smile, genuine and perfect, her soft fingertips brushing against his.

“I…” He was so focused on how she was touching him, the pressure, the elegance, the perfection, so focused he forgot the words again, so focused on her soft fingertips, her warmth, her pastel-manicured nails, he didn’t realize how the movement had stilled.

“You want to eat my heart.”

Her voice made him look up from where they were conjoined, crimson orbs dragged slowly to meet the oddity of her voice no less her words, yet as he looked, he continued to search because he found no eyes looking back at him, only whites, wide gleaming glowing void whites staring at him.

“You want to rip open my ribcage and feast.” Shaken and confused his brows twisted as he yet again tried to find her eyes. “You want to see me burst and bloom for you.” He hadn’t tried pulling his hand away, not really wanting to either, but he realized he perhaps wouldn’t be able to even if he’d wanted with how hard she was now digging her once soft fingers into his wrist. “You want to cripple me. You want to hear my deathbed confession. You want to lick the sin from my expression.” Her brows were the ones to crinkle now as she inhaled a shuddering breath, her hand shaking as she held onto him, seemingly as though her life depended on it. “You want and you’ve been wanting for so long. You want and want, there’s no end to what you want.” Her voice was now frantic, sporadic, hitched and frightened. “You want more and more and more and more and more-” She shook so much she lost her footing and tripped, staggering back and hitting the dirt with a sharp thud, knocking her out of whatever trance she’d slipped into, no more words coming thundering from her lips except for a cute little exclamation of oof, fluffy skirt puffed out around her like a jellyfish.

“What the fuck!” He shouted once she let go, flower falling to the floor, dropped in the midst of his shock and confusion as to what had happened, yet also feeling embarrassed with how she’d seemed to have caught him red-handed, and shaken with how much she knew, disturbed with how it all had been phrased, yet concerned, concerned because he knew he’d failed, he’d scared her so much she nearly melted, but somehow even more concerned with how she’d hit the ground. “I’m-” She looked up at him and he was left dumbstruck with how wide her eyes were and how full they now seemed with the return of her irises and pupils. No longer looking like wax, but like great gems or galaxies he couldn’t help but fall prey to, especially with how glossy they were, shining and glimmering and wet, wet with tears.

“No wonder you feel gone.” She suddenly mumbled, or it wasn’t exactly a mumble, but in contrast to whatever voice she spoke in before it surely seemed subdued. “Someone’s run off with your heart!” She clumsily got back to her feet, gripping his shoulders, nearly making him stagger back and fall with just how intense and vivid her actions were thrown at him. “You’re in love!” She squealed, nearly screaming it at him, before reeling herself back in, probably only now realizing how she’d attacked the boy. “Excuse me, I mean pardon, I mean I’m terribly sorry if I frightened you.” She backed away, fingers playing with each other as she tumbled through her sentence. “It’s my quirk you see. It has a habit of living its own life. I didn’t mean to spout out your desires like that, it was a total invasion of your privacy and completely rude and unethical on my side. I really am so sorry. Would you forgive me?”

Wasn’t he the one who should be apologizing to her?

He remained stunned and confused and growing even more so by the second as she spoke. “Perhaps I could make it up to you? Perhaps I can help you in your quest to retrieve your heart? Who is the thief?”

And there it was.

She was so overwhelmed she didn’t even pick up who the emotions were for.

Silly thing.

This made him ease up. He hadn’t spoiled everything yet. In fact, she seemed even more enthusiastic now than before, even more eager to talk to him and help him even. “Is it that green-haired boy? What was his name again? Something with D or M, I can’t for the life of me remember! Or perhaps it’s the floaty one? You know, the one with the big brown eyes. No! I know who it is, it’s the one with the shark teeth, and the spikey red hair-” She rambled, and even though some of her suggestions revolted him, he couldn’t bring himself to stop her when she was so… so bouncy with thrill, so cute with how her tits squeezed together in her top and jumped for him with every word that fell from those lushes pink lips that would feel so good to bite into and feel on his neck and down his chest and-

“You can help me.” He suddenly blurted, whipping her from her rambling.

“Really?!” Big eyes, filled with such expectancy and acceptance of whatever he was about to request even without a shred of knowing what. “How?” It was as though it were her life wish to help, that denying him would mean death or something even worse in her eyes.

“By making it up to me.”

His grin returned, the one that lacked… not exactly happiness, because there was still a certain glee to it, a certain enjoyment, yet lacking altruism and was instead left looking greedy and gluttonous and as though he was made up of… teeth, and only teeth, and too many teeth, and that those teeth were too sharp.

“Oh.” She seemed drained of her vigorous passion, like a light snuffed out, swallowing thickly. And though she knew it all to be in her head, knew it all to be but a figment of her fears, she still took a step back as though she’d seen something that worried her, and was quickly followed by what had worried her as Bakugo paralleled her backtracking, leaving her no further away from his hungry open-mouthed smirk.

“Kiss me.” She realized she’d backed all the way into the tree, her back meeting the hard trunk seemed to shake her from her vision as the biting image submerged and left her with a quite normal-looking Bakugo towering over her, no longer Bakugone or just a toothy grin, and she was left deciding whether it was any better or maybe even worse than what she had been picturing.

Yet, she had no time to think as Bakugo’s hand raised to cup her cheek, where in the seconds it took for him to do so, she needed to prepare herself for all his obsessive lovesick thoughts she knew would yet again flood her mind, only now she wouldn’t shake from them, and what more, now she knew who they were about. Poor thing had taken Bakugo’s heart without knowing, without knowing to prepare for Bakugo’s blood-stained scarred hand to reach into her chest and hold her own terror-wide heart in a chokehold as he too took it for himself. Without knowing how to protect herself from his many sharp teeth that would steal and eat to satiate what livid hungry fire, what desperate thirst she’d awoken inside his heart, to relieve the pain of it all, to finally breath again, to find safety, to find belonging, to find life. And she had no way of preparing for it, no way of protecting herself from it, no way of hiding from Bakugo’s sharp teeth… but when his hand, his calloused sandpaper-textured palm handled her cheek she was met with a new image, a soft-tinted mellow yet dramatic rhapsodic fire, one that she rather cherished than feared, one that she felt like chasing, one that seemed like it was calling her.

Bakugo leaned in slowly, as though asking for permission, receiving no complaints, just a set of large eyes staring at him. Her hands, feeling as though their fingertips had plunged deep into the bark of the tree behind her, ripped loose to touch him, feeling the simmering plethora of brutally violent passions swimming beneath them as they hovered on top of his skin. Tasting it on her tongue as he captured her soft lips with his own stiff ones. She could taste the hunger, the teeth, the longing, the pain, the fire, the waiting and time he’d suffered in the darkness all alone, she could taste the war, but more… she could taste the fear, the fear of losing or not having at all, and at the very tip of her tongue, stronger than anything else, she caught it, the flavor crystalized like sugar… hope… love.

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volleychumps · 4 years

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Heyy idk if this'll make sense but,, I'm ugly (or at least not as pretty as others) and a lot of times guys would be dared to say "oh my friend likes you" while laughing at me. It made me very insecure growing up and makes me suspicious of compliments now... idk if anyone can relate but can you write a fluffy comfort scenario with Bokuto, Kageyama, or Tsukki? Maybe with reader laughing at a confession because she thinks it's a joke or something? Thank you, I love your work and stay healthy ❤️

Aw bby~ I’m sure you’re absolutely goregous <3 hope you enjoy your request!

Insecure S/O Reacting To a Confession (Bokuto, Kageyama, Tsukishima)

This is set in a time in which you’ve developed trust issues because a confession before had been a joke- so a little angsty ngl

---------------------------------------------

Bokuto

“She’s not coming, is she?”

“Calm down. You told her to meet you after school- the bell let out less than five minutes ago.” Akaashi’s voice sounded through the spiker’s phone as Bokuto releases a bigger sigh than he expected. Nervousness tingled through his muscles while the burly boy seemed to tremble in both excitement and fear for what was to come, leaning against one of the many exits to the school as golden eyes scoped the area for your figure.

“Today’s the day, Akaashi, I just know it!”

“Yeah. You said that yesterday. And the day before that one. Not to mention every day for the past month-”

“I think she’s coming!!” A hand slipped out of his pants pocket as he pushes off the wall giddily.

“Well, be careful- I don’t know if you heard about it, but-”

“See you at practice, my #1 Wingman!”

Bokuto ends the call, the last thing he hears being a sigh of Akaashi’s at his abrupt cut off. That could wait. A growing grin began at Bokuto’s lips as you, confused, approached him with a crumpled paper in your hand- looking as beautiful as ever in the eyes of the ace.

“Bokuto-san...?”

“You made it!”

He couldn’t see the hesitation in your steps, or the nervousness in your movements for the national-known volleyball spiker had his gold eyes downcasted at his feet, a hand nervously coming up to rest on the back of his neck as he internally prepares himself.

“Was there something you needed from me?” You wrung your hands out, biting your lip as you seemed to fidget in place, the scenario being all to familiar with what you once had to go through. However, you knew better- it just simply wasn’t possible.

Bokuto was always friendly towards you, but previous events had placed a limit in your head on just how far that friendliness just happened to extend. Until-

“Y/N...do you maybe want to go out with me?”

Your jaw slackened a little as you still in shock, watching as the boy you thought was eons out of your league blushed a little, squeezing his eyes tight as the question came out rushed, the words fumbling over each other.

But you still heard it.

Your chest sunk and heat flamed in your cheeks as you push out your first instinct- a laugh. A laugh bubbled up in your throat at the question, and Bokuto opened his eyes, confusion and anxiety rising in his stomach at the sound that still made his heart race. Nervously, he began laughing too.

“Alright.” You make out between giggles. “Who put you up to this?”

All laughter stopped on his end as you continue to giggle, but your eyes were a tad bit poignant as your fists clenched at your sides. Bokuto straightens, furrowing his brows at the ridiculous question.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this is a prank right?” Your voice wobbled. “Was it Rui? His friend Droy?”

“Y/N, what-?”

“You shouldn’t play with girls’ feelings like that, you know?” You continue, smiling yet your eyes screamed of another story. “But in my case, it’s funny- right?”

Bokuto blinked, mouth agape at the accusation in your words as you take a shaky breath, trying not to show weakness as Bokuto takes a careful step in front of you. Was this what Akaashi was trying to tell him?

“Y/N, I’m serious!” The ace exclaimed, causing you to finally meet his eyes with your slightly watery ones. “You’re absolutely goregous, there’s no way this is a prank!”

“Y-You’re taking this too far...”

“I’m not, because there isn’t anything to take!” Bokuto grabs your hand in his, intertwining your pinkies as you can’t help but smile a little at the childish gesture. “I promise you, Y/N, I like you! Way too much, I’ve been trying to tell you for the past month now, but...you scare me. In a I’ve-never-had-these-feelings before kind of way.”

You find yourself leaning into his palm as Bokuto smiles, golden eyes gleaming genuinely as he cups your face. “Who made you think of yourself this way?”

“N-No one in particular...” You lie, looking off to the side as you feel yourself being tugged gently into the sweet boy’s chest, causing you to yelp a little as Bokuto crosses a boundary, digging his face into the juncture between your neck and shoulder.

“Please.” You stop trying to push him away at the sincerity in his voice. “Can I change that? I can. I promise you I can, if you give me a chance!”

Shakily, you look up to the sky, feeling Bokuto’s warm breath on your neck as he spoke, wondering if this was worth learning to trust again, your arms wrapping around his mid-section as you did so.

Your voice quiets, cracking slightly as you hold him back just a little tighter.

“One chance. Don’t let me regret this.”

Kageyama

“This is ridiculous, you moron!”

“Trust me, she’s gonna love it Kageyama-Kun!” Hinata flashes his setter a big thumbs up as Kageyama groans, glaring into the bouquet of flowers with pink dusted across his cheeks. After Hinata had snuck a horribly written note into your shoe locker- Kageyama couldn’t put his confession off anymore, much to the setter’s dismay. Admiring you from afar had been enough, and confessing you face to face had once been a daydream-

“Can’t I just, you know, text her?” The raven haired boy attempts to escape one more time as Hinata points a finger to the spot where he was standing stubbornly.

“Nope! As if you could get her number anyway-” Hinata dodges the hit coming his way with ease, sidestepping as he continues his tangent. “So you’re going to stand right there and wait for Y/N-chan to come! I’m going home now, and tomorrow- you better have a newly minted girlfriend!”

“I should’ve never asked you for advice.”

“See you tomorrow, and you’re welcome.”

Kageyama scoffs, snarky reply falling on silent lips as Hinata mounts his bike and takes off before he can get it out, leaving the blue-eyed setter standing at military position near the courtyard, red roses tightened in his grasp around the less thorny areas. He hoped Hinata was smart enough to not mix up the two locations.

“Kageyama-Kun!”

Said boy almost drops his flowers when you round the corner, now changed out of your school shoes as Kageyama swallows- a futile attempt to aid his now dry mouth. You took small steps towards him as you find a lump growing in your throat at the scene before you, memories flashing in your mind at what once had been.

Regardless, you managed a tight smile as Kageyama blinks once. Then twice as if to make sure this was really happening.

“You...wanted to see me about something?” You question formally, ignoring the red hue of the roses as Kageyama stutters out a response, bright blue eyes darting all over the courtyard.

“I...um....you are....UGH-”

In any other circumstance, you might’ve found this cute- but the only thing you could think of was how good he was at acting.

“Take your time.” Your eyes dim down a little as the familiar unease rises in your stomach.

“D-Date!” Kageyama manages, the pink on his cheeks now turning into a bright red. “I want to g-go on a date with you...!”

You press your lips together as a heat pricks the corner of your eyes, the one image you didn’t want to remember blurring perfectly over the one in front of you.

.... Again?

Kageyama curses, offering you the roses with one hand shakily as the back of his hand covers his mouth, blue eyes seeming to glare off to the side in utter regret. “I heard you like flowers, s-so....”

“You don’t need to do this, Kageyama-Kun.” You find yourself saying, surprised at how stable your voice was as Kageyama’s arm slackens a little, the bouqet lowering in height as he takes in your words- in his case, your response.

“It’s cruel, you know? I get it- you’re popular, attractive, and people want to be your friend- but this? I know I can’t be with someone like you the way I am now, so you have to show me firsthand?”

“Huh?”

You chuckle humorlessly at the genuine confusion in his voice before laughing a little. “It’s hilarious, isn’t it? Poor, naive, ugly girl believes for just a second that the boy she likes wants her back.”

Kageyama’s eyes widen a little, still trying to process what you’re saying as the roses fall slack at his side. But the only thing he’s able to get out, is-

“Wait, you like me?”

You spin on your heel, flustered you admitted it, before beginning to walk off.

“Goodbye, Kageyama-Kun.”

“W-Wait!” Before he can stop himself, he finds himself grabbing you from behind to stop your leaving, your eyes widening as the bouqet of flowers remains tightened in his grasp as he does so, your back against his chest. The aromatic scent fills your nose as he successfully stops you from going anywhere.

“I-I don’t know why you think you’re ugly or any of those things, but you aren’t.” Kageyama mumbles quickly, and you’re shocked to see that he’s trembling at the touch. “But I wasn’t lying, or trying to play you. I want to go on a date with you...and if you like me too, there shouldn’t be an issue, right?”

“Shit!” Kageyama releases you right away, and you step away subconciously as you find yourself believing him, a hand over the clothed part of your chest as you do, cheeks blooming with a pink of their own.

“...I think I’d like that.”

“Like what?” Kageyama questions obliviously as you groan, blushing in a way that made the setter want to admire you even closer than from afar.

“The date, don’t make me say it!”

The blue-eyed setter releases a sigh of relief, his heart being sent on an emotional rollercoaster coming to an end as he chuckles the slightest bit at your embarrassed stature, offering the roses again in a now relaxed-manner.

“Right. So can you maybe take the damn flowers and be my girlfriend?”

Tsukishima

“I regret this. I’m going home.”

“Tsukki! No!” Yamaguchi whines, pulling on his friend’s sleeve for the second time in six minutes.

“She isn’t coming. Waiting outside her classroom is creepy anyway. She might’ve even already gone home.” Tsukishima says straight on, glancing at his childhood friend before the freckled boy could interject. “What are you even doing here?”

“Moral support!”

“Yeah, could you maybe...do that somewhere else?”

Yamaguchi sniffs once, frowning. “I get that you’re nervous, Tsukki, but don’t take it out on me. Text me later and send Y/N my regards, okay?”

“I’m not nervous.” The tall blonde claims, swiping through his playlist when in reality- the butterflies in his stomach said otherwise.

“That’s all you got out of that?” Yamaguchi sweat drops, shouldering his bag a little more before waving as he begins to walk off. “Be nice to Y/N!”

“Wasn’t gonna kill her.” Tsukishima mumbles to no one as he’s left by his lonesome in the empty school corridor after school had ended, mostly everyone leaving or going to attend their club activities. He knew from Yachi who shared your class- that you stayed a little after school to study for a bit before leaving.

Tsukishima had discovered about his emotional surge towards you when you had visited practice one day to drop off Yachi’s notebook- only to notice you more and more each time you had passed him by to the point where you would smile and wave while greeting him by name. Soon, all other girls seemed to become see-through, leaving you bright in a sea of unfamiliar heads.

“Crap!” You stumble back, a relieved laugh filling the corridor as the blonde blinks, wondering how he had gotten so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even seen you emerge or make himself known.

“You scared me, Tsukki!” You whine, shifting your bag upon your shoulder before blinking in confusion. “Wait, what are you doing here? Is the volleyball club off today-?”

“Go out with me.”

Your breath hitches at the sudden attack.

Tsukishima remains indifferent, thankful he was able to even say it, as he shoved his hands in his pockets, eyeing you seriously through his spectacles before you find yourself back there again. Back where your trust was stripped and your pride was stomped on before you smile- a smile that was anything but cheerful.

“That’s not a very funny joke, Tsukki.” You laugh a little, hand tightening around your bag strap as you refuse to meet his eyes, your gaze falling on his shoes as you become overwhelmed with past events.

“I’m not joking. Go out with me.” He repeats, not asking, but in a way where it sounded like he was basically telling you.

“...How far are you willing to go?” You feel wetness brim your eyes, but your smile still remains- shaky yet present- as your voice cracks differently from the way you used to call his name.

“What the hell are you-?”

A smirk and multiple laughs ring in your head from your memories before you finally snap.

“Stop screwing around, alright?”

Tsukishima’s brow quirks up once, and in the next few moments, you gasp as your back is suddenly touching a nearby locker- Tsukishima’s hand resting by your side to create the illusion of entrapment as he leans in to you, and you don’t have to look up to know that his gaze was searing into you with a mixture of frustration and something else you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Who’s screwing around?” His voice was quiet and irritable, and you swallow the lump in your throat as a few stray tears slip.

“I’m just a joke, right?” You mumble, barely audible as you breathe in his scent from decreased proximity. “You boys always toy with girls like they’re your little playthings-”

“Are you talking about that shitty prank that bastard pulled on you a few months back?”

Your eyes snap up before you can stop them. “You...know about that?”

“Why the hell are we here wasting our breaths on them?” Tsukishima questions, irritation evident in his tone. “I don’t do these kinds of things, ever, and you seriously think I’d be here telling you I like you as some kind of shit joke? Give me a break.”

You blink, believing his harsh words as Tsukishima sighs, relaxing his neck so his head falls on your shoulder.

“On the bright side you finally looked at me. Understood, I hear you loud and clear.”

You bite your lip when he moves to step away from you, your hands clasping at the sides of his shirt before you can stop yourself.

“I...I’ll go out with you, Tsukki.”

The blonde’s eyes widen a fraction as you bury your head in his chest.

“Just...please please don’t be like the others.”

“I thought I told you.” Tsukki’s pointer finger prods at your chin, causing you to look up at him as he leans down so your noses brush.

“You’re wasting your breath on the wrong thing, Y/N.”

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