#someone give me some money

[ahofroggo]

#art #artists on tumblr #drawing #digital art #digital #draw #comission #digital painting #paint #paint tool sai #my art #work #im so tired #someone give me some money #i will never work again #cow #poor cow #i didnt choose that #its not my fault #blame the capitalism

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

As is tradition with Dracula Daily, let me give you today’s Cultural Lesson Based On Today’s Entry. Let’s talk about money.

See, if you’re thinking Dracula and the characters are handling what we see today as British money, don’t be fooled! Dracula is set in the 1890s, and they use an entirely different money system to what we use now, it just seems on the surface that it’s the same.

For context, if you didn’t know, Britain uses pounds (£) and pence (p) as the currency now, with 100p to £1. This is called decimalisation, and has been in practice since the 1970s. Before then, we were the last country in the world to still use the Roman monetary system.

In the Victorian era, there were 3 used measurements of currency: Pounds (L), Shillings (s) and pence (d), which was written in that order: l.s.d, so a sink in a shop may list the price as 1.7.2, which would be 1 pound, 7 shillings and 2 pence.

Now lets break those down a little more. There are 240 pennies to the pound, and 12 pence to the shilling. That makes 20 shillings to the pound. Most working class laborers would be using shillings as their highest coin in day-to-day living. You could get a pint of beer for a couple of pence. A pound was an incredible amount of money to your average person (maybe less so to the fancy characters of Dracula).

But I want to talk about the coins.

See, a penny was not the lowest coin in circulation. That was a farthing, which was worth ¼ (a quarter) of a penny. Then next was a half penny (or ha’penny if you prefer). Of course there was the penny. Then there was a two pence (tuppence) and a three pence (thrupence) piece. Then you had your half shilling (sixpence, pronounced more like sixpunce, with a ‘u’ rather than an ‘e’), and the shilling itself (twelve pence, remember? Also known colloquially as ‘bob’). Then you had the florin, which was 2 shillings exactly (24 pence). From there you had your half crown, which was worth 2 shillings and six pence, for a total of 30 pence (though you’d never call it that), and then a crown, which was 5 shillings. From there the next step is the half-sovereign, worth half a pound (120 pence, or 10 shillings), and finally the gold sovereign coin, worth £1, or 240 pennys, or 20 shillings.

Yes, that’s genuinely the method of money these characters are using. Some old people insist it was easier than the current system.

Here’s some more fun money facts in case they come up later!

A guinea is a pound and a shilling (1.1.0, or 252 pence), and was used to make things seem a little cheaper to wealthy buyers. It’s used from time to time in Victorian books so it’s worth knowing.

The correct way to read out prices is ‘[x] and [y]’, so say you were selling something and wanted a shilling and fivepence for it, you’d ask for “1 and 5”. This is often used for the stereotypical cost of a half a crown, so when someone in a period drama asks for “2 and 6”, what they’re asking for is 2 shillings and sixpence.

There is a fairly obscure coin that I’m not sure was in circulation at this time which was nicknamed ‘The Barmaid’s grief’, it was only used for a few years. This was worth 4 shillings and was the same shape and (very nearly) size as a crown (5 shillings). So people would buy a pint of beer, the barmaid would pick up the coin in a hurry and not realise that it wasn’t a crown, and give 4 shillings back along with change from a shilling for the beer. So people made money from buying beer. It was not a good time to be a barmaid.

#Dracula daily #money #british money #Yes I also laughed when i found out old british money was written as Lsd #For someone who is not all that interested in coin collecting I love knowing about the old coins! #My dad was a bairn when they changed the coins around. His dad used to keep the old coins for him from the shop and give out the new coinage #Some people of a certain age get the value of shillings mixed up because post decimilsation a shilling could still be used and was worth 5p. #I worked as a social historian for one summer can you tell? I was paid £8.75 an hour to tell people this. So you guys owe me like £3.50 #For my work here.

[mikrotyalm13]

everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.

how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.

how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.

how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.

how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.

and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.

#yes bringing this back bc at the time i didn't tag it properly #okay im gonna complain in here now. #need... to... draw... something... but i dont... have the strength.. #drawing on my phone is so exhausting but i have no other option #bc i think my traditional art is not very polishedddd and i dont want to answer asks with ittttt #but maybe i will #bc i think i'm really getting to that burnout #and giving how my bday is getting closer and closer.... #i dread it. but hey. cake. money. i'll get a new piercing #i WILL cry ofc but hey. maybe someone will buy me tea as a gift. who knows. #i just want to spend some time with someone yknow:( #just... talk. about anything. sit beside eachother and stare off into the waters #i hope the snow will melt soon because i want to go out more even if by myself #gonna find a job when summer comes... maybe talking to colleagues and all that will help... everythings gonna be fine.. i hope #i just need friends. god. #microtya's kids #microtya: gavriil #monsterfucker #monster fucker #monster x human #monster boyfriend #monster lover #teratophillia #god x human #monster smut

[anglerflsh]

wow ive been kind of off lately I should take a day to rest an[explosion]

#[.art] #self #complaining tag #I'm good. I needed to draw about it but I'm good. it's fine. whatever #love it when I barely ask you for money to Live outside of gifts and 30 a month. and then you withold the gift SOMEONE ELSE GAVE ME #that's fine it's totally not as if I told you I need that money before. and you decided I was a bit too mean #about you compiling a document I Need To in order to keep the room and board in the place I am living in. by the way #she proceeded to change topic completely to the weather and forget about anything ive told her on the clothes I have here #or about the courses I follow. she takes notes for my sister's classes but cannot be bothered to remember i dont have exams in april #that's fineeee it's fine. it's fine. I know my sistser needs the help and I don't. I would rather die than ask for her help anyways #you can at least pretend to forget about both of us equally instead of telling me I should graduate in two years because im smart enough #which I am not. by the way. At least when I will fail at something I'll have the opportunity to tell her I told you so thank god #dont get me wrong i know her giving me compliments is a good thing I just sort of wish the were things actually about me #and not about the idea she has about me being some kind of prodigy that's simply too lazy to actually be exceptional. anyways

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[venacoeurva]

...I know people in this day and age think any collaborative effort can fix things, often despite reality (ex. the MULTIPLE tumblr blackout protests over the last like 10 years across different owners of tumblr that didn’t change shit),

but I think going out of your way to buy things from tumblr en masse as a “well then they’ll be profitable and won’t have to change things to resemble profitable sites!” as if the CEO/higher ups are personally going to see this and not AT MOST just go “oh we made money, sick, Anyway.” is just. the most naive and frankly 5-year-old level of problem solving unrealistic idea if you think about it for more than 5 seconds. People are just so blinded by naive optimism it’s painful.

Staff isn’t going to see your purchases and go on a full redemption arc and restore porn in spite of payment systems’ massive stigma against it or Apple’s restrictions and never ever try to mimic Twitter or TikTok again, or whatever the fuck you’re expecting, they’ll keep focusing on shit tweaks that resemble other sites because those are what keep investors who think they know tech and user wants hooked and they think new people from other sites will come over for that instead of the fact these people are typically escaping those kinds of features.

Staff isn’t your friend, their vying for support like they’re your buddy who is hitting hard times and has been here holding your hand all these years is deliberate corporate marketing, they’re an arm of a corporation that spits in the face of LGBTQ+ people and especially black people for daring to post about themselves while touting themselves as The Queer Site! A diverse site! Look at this AMA we’re doing with someone about Black History Month! and you’re doing nobody a service when you’re unintentionally rewarding a service for getting worse because they will not know nor care about your motives, they just care that they got money and will continue making it worse regardless of you. They’re a corporation, not a small business ran by 10 people who are trying their best. People throwing money at Staff already encourages them, let alone when you buy into the weird parasocial shit they try with us which will continue as they see success with that method.

Like the mere idea of everyone buying the crabs to gift to make the site profitable is just unrealistic (especially in this economy with such terrible inflation and in NA there are issues with the weather and fires, on a site that mostly consists of groups of people who are typically low income or unable to work???), it feels very much like the gofundme pages people set up to raise money for celebrities who have debts who will be fine regardless and definitely don’t need your help. Corporations and CEOs are not your friends, they never will be. They do not care about you and they’re not some poor uwu victim of circumstance.

TL;DR half-assed blackouts aimed at companies that don’t care (that I have seen over and over) and “cr*b day” type efforts are incredibly dumb and will change nothing, and they will not change anything, just encourage them since they see they’re making money during their current marketing schemes, if they notice at all. You pitying them like they’re a poor innocent person is exactly what the corporation wants.

If you want to make a difference give that money to an artist or lgbtq+ people who basically get flagged as mature for Existing, or people who get their posts flagged for criticizing the site, or something, someone who gets screwed over by this site on the regular. It will do far more good than that whackadoo type pipe dream and sit down and think for a second, please.

#I normally would not care but this is like. absurd levels of Not Thinking At All #grown adults saw that post about this and went Yeah!!!!!! #how the fuck did someone go ''we should ALL buy crabs to give tumblr money!'' as a solution to shit corporate decisions and it get as big #as it did. Do you guys THINK #or does staff really have it wrapped around your parasocialized finger with humanizing them like a suffering entity who is so so poor #vena vents #not art #And that's a good faith interpretation that the person who suggested the crab thing aren't friends with a staff member or are one or some #shit #we've seen people on or know staff doing some shit to subdue criticisms (especially by trans and black people). I don't trust that #That as a thing that mysteriously gets slapped everywhere on here makes me narrow my eyes #Apparently judging by others comments about it the OP suggesting it is also a pr*lifer and a lot of the people boosting it are bigots so. #enjoy supporting a cause ran by people who want you dead ig

[bombusbombus]

Bruce definitely knows how to cook, but he's one of those guys who goes to the grocery store to get ingredients for a meal. For every meal. His fridge is normally completely empty except for protein shake ingredients.

Clark grew up with a rural family, he's definitely used to scrounging around in the cupboards and throwing together ingredients into something cohesive. My guy can take half an onion, an alien mushroom he found, some ancient lentils, and a container of leftover soup, and make a full hearty meal.

#I'd like to think he lets people give him foods sometimes #he saves someone from a flood and they insist on giving him half a pound of produce #and he's done chores on other people's farms #you never get away from that sort of thing without some fresh eggs or baked goods or something #so he's used to receiving food as gratitude! #he'd never accept money but he will accept an entire traditionally-smoked salmon because his mom raised him that way #His friends love coming over just to inspect the contents of his fridge and see what he can make with it all #dc #superbat #superman #batman #my mom had some food insecurity growing up and learning to cook from her gave me a magic touch with leftovers

[asurrogateblog]

heard about paul's net worth 😔 sorry king you will not be spared during the revolution

#girl you gotta get rid of some of that do you remember what happened last time someone thought a beatle had too much money #i'm gonna be irritated with him about this for a while. it's giving me permission to not be respectful about his personal life #i'll stop calling you a fag when you redistribute your wealth to the masses #paul mccartney

[bluehairperson]

I thought only now about the possibility of Lucio having commissioned some coins with his face on them. Imagine being traumatized by this tyrant and all the things he did, never wanting to see him again after his death but constantly being haunted by his memory not only because of the various monuments around the city, but also because his face is literally engraved on the local currency.

Asra grimacing every time he gets paid by a client at the shop or has to use the same coin to buy bread. The man who took everything from him and made him grow up in absolute poverty is now part of what allows him to afford food and shelter every day.

Julian spending everything he has at the tavern every night because the mere thought of having those coins in his pockets makes him feel heavy with dread. He doesn't even look when he tosses them on the table.

It doesn't matter how far away they both try to escape during their travels, some of those coins always manage to catch up to them no matter where they go. It's like he never left.

#and he never did he's still there 💖 #good evening can I offer you some angst #pretty obvious assumption if it was never mentioned in canon but yeah #cool worldbuilding/character development implications #mc who keeps asking asra who's the guy on all the coins and on the huge statues scattered around the town #and asra doesn't really know what to say because he just wants to move on to another topic #and then someone mentions this in front of nadia and valerius and they just seem kinda surprised #because they never had to handle money personally during their lives so they completely forgot about lucio doing this currency thing #aristocrats (derogatory) #muriel just said not my fucking problem and completely removed himself from the city good for him #not art #the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #give all the lulu coins to me no problemo #lucio morgasson

[wastelandbabyblue]

some of you have lost the plot istg

#just say you don't care that a child is being used as a marketing tool like just admit you're fine with him being exploited #stop making insane scenarios to justify the unjustifiable #it's simple: he's been used his whole life and this is no different. he can't consent. he's not making money out of it because his family #doesn't care. he doesn't get another family because louis and the tomlinsons don't give a shit about this kid lol they never did #this isn't some disney show bffr #you wanna watch the doc fine go that's your money your time but don't try to pretend this is some fairytale when that child looks extremely #uncomfortable and out of place #y'all have seen him with his real family you know damn well how he acts around people he's comfortable with and it's not like that #so don't pretend louis is suddenly his dad because he saw him 5 times since someone threatened to expose his ass #what they're did with this kid is fucked up. period #sorry for the rant im just so fucking done with the excuses when we're talking about a 7 yr old CHILD who didn't ask for any of this #and y'all putting a grow ass man above that lmao couldn't be me

[thisismeracing]

Since when did we start charging money on patreon for fanfics 😭😭😭😭 is this for real😭

hi, love. I haven't seen that many people doing the Patreon thing when it comes to fanfic, but it's pretty common for people who draw for example to set up a Patreon. I believe that everyone who does, just like myself, needs the money. I wouldn't be doing it if i didn't need to. I figured the Patreon setup was the best idea since it's not really that common for people to tip writers, we've been struggling with getting reblogs and comments, so you can imagine.

Right now, I'm applying and doing tests to get an internship, which still won't be enough because I'm also trying to apply for a master's. So, yeah, I'm really thankful for everyone who tipped me on ko-fi and subscribed to my Patreon, last month my savings were over, and the Patreon money was what helped me pay for some medical stuff I needed (Idk if you saw the whole mick schumacher's sick club, but yeah — huge thank you for everyone who subscribed/donated btw).

We often see fic writers as little robots who don't eat, drink, or sleep. We request stuff, and expect an instant reply, and when we get the content we don't even go back to the page to tell the writer our thoughts. We don't reblog, nor leave comments, but still, we expect them to keep writing and keep sharing everything as if it didn't take hours, sometimes days to come up with a 1k piece polished to what we think readers will like best. I hope I don't sound rude, I'm just trying to make a point because I'm tired of seeing writers deactivating, tired of seeing my friends getting writer's block and then people still demanding things.

On top of that, I'm still posting a lot here, from smau to blubs and long fic requests (and I won't even talk about how some pieces aren't even getting a hundred notes, which always makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, if my writing is bad, or if there's anything that I could do to make the reader's experience more enjoyable), and it takes a lot of time, it's even harder to balance the two profiles now, but still, I keep sharing some of my work for free. so please, please, don't make me feel bad about needing money. thanks ❤️.

#I'm still searching like crazy for the best internship that gives me enough time to study for my application and enough money to pay for + #the stuff that I really need #medical bills are expensive #school books and stuff are expensive #we do what we can #and I say we including other writers that relly on donations too #anyways #Im sorry for letting my heart run wild here but I really needed to share this because I'm tired #and I do feel a bit guilty some days for sharing paid stuff because I wanted everyone to read what I post #wanted everyone to enjoy it and gush with me about college!mick and ghost!lewis and so on #but right now that's the best way I found to deal with my current situation #so please please try seeing your writers side #and on top of that make sure youre supporting the people that are here everyday putting their hearts on each piece #and I mean support as in reblog and let them know you liked it and so on #if you can support someone with money thats great #but most of the times a comment and a reblog will make the writers days #it makes mine #I wish you guys could see the smile on my face whenever someone comes back like “hey Im the one who requested x and I loved it” #anyways Im sorry for ranting #I hope I did not come across as rude again #and Im not saying you don't reblog or support your writers this is more of a widely rant #<3 #millies inbox #anon #patreon #f1 fandom

[benechillax]

man i think i’m 5 seconds away from a mental breakdown

#I’m actually running out of money now despite working 6 days a week and making 6 figures #Because I bought my acreage with my brother and factored him paying 1/3 of the expenses BUT he’s decided to be unemployed for 1.5 years #I pay the mortgage mortgage insurance utilities internet groceries #I have $800/month in student loan payments #I have to spend like $150/week on gas because my commute is 2 hrs round trip every day #I only eat one meal a day usually because I don’t have the time to grocery shop or cook usually and my brother only cooks for himself #I do all of the chores and at least 1/2 of the yard work #I have the heaviest workload of any of my coworkers (which has been acknowledged but my manager says his hands are tied #Because if he took work off of my plate he’s have to give it to someone else and there is no one else) #I’m being severely underpaid at my job ($4 under the STARTING wage for a pharmacist now despite me working there for 3 years. #But I “got the largest raise last year” lmfao #I’ve been seeing someone but he works nights and his schedule is wack and it results in me going to bed at 3am some nights #I’m also on call this week so I have to be ready to answer calls at any time past 11pm #My hair is legit pulling out in clumps and my hair is half of my personality :( #i’m about to mcfuckin lose it #Brain feels like mashed potato #Oh also I’m on my fucking period

[moregraceful]

Whenever I feel my age in hockey fandom, I remind myself firmly: no matter what, Marc-Édouard Vlasic will always be older than you. Pictures - 1) Kitty Cat Max on patrol; 2) Magnus Chrona (6'5) standing next to a U6 goalie at the anthem; 3) full moon at night.

#having a vaguely discomfiting week #uhhh i don't know. too much and not enough to do. mostly not enough #i've been applying to some deeply hilarious silicon valley jobs #one i was editing my cover letter for and thought man. i could do this with the irc for way less money with way more stress #(international rescue committee i mean) #and then i went for it anyway. i would be good at it! i've just seen the exact same job description for charities working with refugees #the bay area is so interesting. i'm always like i love it! it's home! but how much of that is only having left it for college #but then i think about starting a new life somewhere else alone and i'm like god that sounds exhausting #lost control of my schedule again btw. forgot i had about 800 things on the calendar #i actually forgot i had therapy for four weeks straight in the last two months it's been such a mess #which i think is what happens when i have no external schedule #again i do not dream of capitalism. but i do dream of someone else giving me tasks with a set number of hours attached #if an anarachist commune told me my job was to snap the ends of string beans off for four hours i'd be like hell yeah. 4 hour task #why snapping the ends off of string beans SUCH a social activity btw #that was like THE kitchen task my mother would trust me and my sister to do on major holidays and so i have such weird fond memories of #sitting at the table snapping the ends off of string beans and talking with my sister while our family buzzed around us #i mean a lot of my core child and teenage memories are my sister and i hanging out while our parents marriage fell apart around lmfao #where was i going with this. oh right. need a job mostly bc i am going stir crazy but also bc i started private ice skating lesson which are #expensive. definitely going to help!! but expensive #but idk i am haunted and beset by living with my parents in my 30s so more reasons (practice) to get out of rhe houae #*out of the house while mostly unemployed...the better #the story of this post can be boiled down to a couple of things i think: 1. no hoes. 2. no job. 3. if i keep making these posts i have to #take more pictures of things #(<- very live in the moment kind of guy who forgets things later bc they didn't take pictures) #fresno oilers.txt

[itsadragonaesthetic]

Stop calling it a "brand" stop calling it "marketing" it's just a dude in his house selling little things so they can have some extra money and being a human I hate what the internet has done to people's brains

#not about anyone specifically #i just hate how people will put so much importance n shit on some person selling little things #treating them like theyre a large scale company #it happens to tiktok and youtube and twitter and ugh #im especially afraid of people viewing me this way #im giving up art commissions cuz im just not making enough money #and because im afraid someone is gonna see me as a brand someday #and then look at all the shit ive ever done and criticize me like im a big name company using mind control tactics or whatever #i dont sell original species stuff as marketing #i dont put my dragon lucifer on things to make a brand out of myself #i just do that because i like them and find them special #i put a price on things cuz my time is worth money and im literally struggling to balance trying to get away from my abusive family #and deciding if food is in my budget #im not a brand or an influencer and im not marketing

[jessiesjaded]

most interesting popular accounts to me are the ones that just post stuff like gifsets or art or writing but never ever say anything, like no tag rambles, no personal posts, no opinions, no rants. im always like surely.... surely you have something to say....

#idgi #like its so boring yeah your posts are pretty or what have you but give me someone who talks and makes stuff only half as pretty #and im gonna prefer them bc i can see some personality behind it #idk maybe im just mean but its intriguing #esp since ive followed a bunch of blogs for the new thing im into and so many of them are like this #also on the rare occasions they do say stuff the posts never get notes #or replies and meanwhile they just posted a thanks for 9k followers post #i dont see the point of 9 thousand people if no one talks EVER #ALSO EVIDENTLY THEY WANT TO TALK BC MY ASS CANNOT BE STOPPED FROM REPLYING #and then they be out here following me even tho im some lil nobody so like #they must be like yay! someones talking! #again whats the point of this website if we dont reply and reblog and talk and have fun bro #see again this just makes me squint bc its like a lot of big influencer ig accs who just post perfectly edited pics and sell shit #and never say a word that could get in the way of a sponsorship #why are you acting like that on tumblr you dont even get money from being popualr here lmao

[bunnihearted]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary