#sorry for being a whiny bitch ill stop now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weabooweedwitch · 1 year

Note

I say this as someone who's followed you for years and with as much kindness as possible:

Get the fuck away from your mother. Ditch her fuckin ass. She's repeatedly making things worse and refuses to learn. You need to get away from her, for your own good.

I know I might be repeating what other people have said, or even what you have thought of doing, but holy shit this bitch is actively ruining your life through sheer stupidity.

I hope things get better

I feel bad that people have to keep giving me this kind of advice because I realize it's the most obvious answer, and there are multiple reasons separating from my mother would be good for us both. I feel bad that i keep sharing all these worrying stories and worrying people and then at the end of the day, I'm way too scared to actually try and fix things. I just worry so much about not being able to take care of myself, not being able to drive, what if I go somewhere and it's harder if not impossible for me to get to work, just. I worry about everything. Honestly the thing that worries me the most is keeping my job or not being able to transfer if I went somewhere else. My wage is currently $19 an hour, my 58 yo mom was making $22, so like, I'm helping hold it all together with rent BECAUSE of that income. I'm so scared of losing that.

I've had people ask if there's any family I can go to and the only possible option would be maybe my father who is in another state, I cannot remember if it is in Illinois or Missouri (ugh, they may have passed recreational weed but thats the only good thing thats came outta thar state in like the last 2 decades). And I don't know if that would be good either. But it's an option I'm beginning to consider. But I am sort of still in the reconnecting process with my dad and we've butted heads a few times and he also has his own physical and emotional issues. Actually I think he is where I inherited a lot of mental illness from because he also has an anxiety disorder and we are almost positive he has equinus like me. He also has developed type 2 diabetes and I am really bad with sugar impulse control, what if I hurt my dad because I can't stop bringing sweets into the house and he eats them too 🥺

It just. Personally makes me hate myself to even think of "hiya pops, we've barely spoken in the last 10 years, I've been really ahitty about talking to you consistently since we've said hi again and lost my temper with you a few times, hey I know you're on a fixed income and out of a job right now (or was, maybe he has one now, we've spoken so little idk) but is it OK if I come live in your house as a whiny codependent barely functioning weed addict of an adult?" 😅

But yeah I just. This is really. It just never ends. I keep fighting myself and beating myself up on "who's right, am I right, am I wrong, am I overreacting, whats going on, what do I do, someone tell me what to do because I'm too stupid to do things right" and it's just. I also still love my mother even if that love is being increasingly mixed with resentment. I worry about her ability to take care of herself because her health is getting worse and, like, I worry about her mentally a lot. Like this tooth infection she has, is because she doesn't have the best dental hygiene, and had fillings and such, and even after needing fillings still takes shit care of her teeth, and was putting off getting like broken teeth and such taken care of, and, they're now having to pull SEVEN of her back teeth. She'll need dentures to eat certain foods now. And I'm not better, I basically stopped brushing my teeth for many years because I literally expected to be dead before they rotted out of my mouth and now I'm scrambling to adopt that routine again, and also like.

Sorry but my mom and a dentist literally lied to me when i was a little girl and said i had several cavities because they thought i would be scared into brushing my teeth and all that did was convince me everything was pointless and needed to give up since it was already damaged, and she refuses to apologize or even acknowledge how that literally helped me develop a complex and felt helpless when SHE LIED TO ME, A CHILD, HER CHILD (and also i think my difficulty keeping routines is a combination just needing to apply myself and having adhd issue because like, I've been pretty good with my skincare at least)

I just. I love her but I hate her. If I'm not careful to keep myself calm I'm going to escalate to the physical level. And to be honest I've had the opinion for many years that, all those times my mom told extremely age inappropriate stories to little tiny baby Miranda about her experiences with assault and domestic violence, even as a kid I would think, "well you like don't listen, you shut people down, you insist youre always right, I want to hit you all the time too, maybe it wasn't them but maybe you got yourself hit by constantly pushing everyone around you to their breaking point" like clearly that's not a healthy thought to have and I. I am kind of convinced at this point that almost every single bad thing that had ever happened to this woman was her own fault in some way shape or form. But you could also say that about me

What's scary is that I can't even think of going anywhere without having savings first and I'm constantly being pushed to my limits to the point I don't HAVE any savings, it's all getting sucked up. I dunno how else I can get out of this pit and I'm just, mentally worn down from any entire life of this. I feel useless and exploited at home and then I go to work and feel useless and exploited at work and by society. Like. Life feels so bleak. My Canadian friend is getting in worse health. I still have a lot of affection for him but he's also uh done and said a few things I really disagree with on personal levels and it, gives me some pause, like. I genuinely am so sad all the time. I need to go back to the psychiatrist to get some medicines again but, I am working and making enough money that after my state insurance expires in October, I'll have to go through my work, and that doesn't 100% cover everything so, j wouldn't be able to afford anything at that point

Just. Ugh. I try to write down my thoughts and listen to music and try to write on my other blog to cheer myself up but I just. What can you do right. What am I good for. What is anyone good for. What is this world itself good for. Our entire species is gonna go extinct with climate change anyways. Why should I keep struggling and suffering like this when it's. Idk. Arguably all for nothing. We'll all be nothing more than just dogs following commands and paying bills until we die

#im just very. im on autopilot. i cant think about hurting myself because the desire is there #and i dont want to think about it to the point i do it #i just keep trying to redirect my thoughts and distract myself #but this sucks. everything sucks. my country sucks. my species sucks. my planet sucks. my skin. my hair. my body. my voice. my age #my arms my legs my eyes my ears my heart my soul my hopes my dreams it all fucking sucks #i just have to keep drinking or smoking and playing phone games until the bad thoughts go away

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skittlebits · 3 years

Text

Safe

Pairing - Natasha Romanoff x Carol Danvers

Words - 1,500

Summary - Natasha gets her first head cold while traveling in space. Carol takes care of her.

Tags - Fluff, Post-Endgame (slight canon-divergence because Nat isn’t dead), mentions of Vormir, mild illness, administering medication, bed sharing

Read on AO3

“I managed to live thirty-nine years on Earth without catching so much as a cold, but I travel to another galaxy one time and I’m down for the count? What the hell, Danvers?”

Natasha sat slumped at the table, her arm propping up her aching head. Several thin swaths of cloth lay crumpled on the table in front of her, sodden with her efforts to stem the flow of mucus from her reddened nose.

Carol stood at the first aid cabinet rummaging through a box of supplies. “You’re talking to a person who has alien blood flowing through her veins. I kind of forgot people even got viruses.”

Natasha tried glaring at Carol but it made her head hurt even more and she winced. “Lucky bitch,” she grumbled.

“Well, I’d take you to Hala and get you hooked up with some alien blood of your own but unfortunately the entire Kree race wants me dead, so,” Carol shrugged. She pulled a canvas bag out of the box and brought it to the table.

“Why can’t I have some of yours then?” Natasha asked, only partly joking. She’d almost be willing to drink a pint of blood right about now if she thought it would ease the pounding pressure in her head. She watched as Carol sat next to her at the table, inspecting the contents of the bag. “I mean, you did go through the trouble to save me on Vormir and all.”

Carol looked up from the bag and shot Natasha a look. “I swear, if you’re about to make fun of me for-“

Natasha straightened up and put a hand up in front of her in a placating gesture, realizing belatedly how flippant that had sounded. “No, I swear, I’m not. I’m sorry, that was rude.” She sighed and winced when the simple act made her eyes water. “I can’t think straight with this sinus pressure and I’m being a bitch and you don’t deserve that.”

Carol looked at her for a moment before returning her attention to the bag.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Natasha swallowed thickly. She still wasn’t used to navigating this relatively new territory.

“I know how lucky I am, Carol. There will never be a day go by where I’m not profoundly grateful for what you did on Vormir…even if you did almost scare me to death, which, granted, I guess I deserved. So, I’m sorry. I promise the next time I ask you to give me alien healing powers I’ll be a lot more tactful and much less whiny and pitiful.”

Natasha breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Carol smile but was quickly taken over with a series of wet sneezes. She felt one of her ears pop and she felt like she was underwater.

She was going to run out of cloth to blow her nose on at this rate.

Carol finally pulled two small containers out of the medical bag - one containing a liquid and one with pills.

“Okay, I think these are your best opinions for relief until we stop somewhere that has whatever passes for cold and flu medication out in this quadrant of the galaxy we’re in.” She shook the bottle with the pills. “These are anti-inflammatory meds, and this,” she held up the vial of clear liquid, “is a painkiller of some sort.” She looked at the label for a moment and hummed. “Yeah, you definitely won’t feel the pressure in your head on this stuff. We might want to just do a half dose of this one.”

Natasha closed her eyes and sighed. She hated taking any sort of medication. Normally she could put mind over matter but her face felt like it was about to explode and it hurt just to focus her eyes. And maybe it was okay to indulge. She wasn’t in a battle somewhere, she was safe on Carol’s spacecraft.

“Okay, I’ll take both,” she finally decided. Carol handed her the bottle of pills so she could grab a syringe from the bag.

“Want me to give you this one or do you want to do it yourself?” Carol asked, holding up the syringe and vial for Natasha’s inspection.

Natasha fumbled with the pill bottle as she struggled to get the lid off. Her muscles ached with the simple effort. “I think I’m going to need you to do it, Nurse Carol,” she admitted quietly. She swallowed two of the pills and chased them down with the tea she had been nursing.

Carol grinned and got to work on setting up the syringe. “Is Nurse Carol also going to be carrying you to bed so you can rest?” she teased, tugging the shoulder of Natasha’s shirt down to expose her upper arm. Natasha raised her shoulder to help expose enough skin for Carol to get to the muscle. She winced at the injection.

“Is Nurse Carol going to tell another living soul if she does?”

Carol capped the syringe and put the medicines back into the bag. “Of course not, I’m not stupid.”

Natasha smiled even though it made her face hurt. “Then yes please.”

Carol put the bag back into the first aid cabinet and pulled out a small stack of triangle bandages. She placed them on the table near the pile of crumpled, sodden cloth. “We’re on these now for your nose. All the smaller ones have been used up. I’ll cut them into quarters while you rest. When we stop for medicine I’ll look into better options to keep on board,” she said, smiling sheepishly. “I know it’s been almost three months but I still…it’s still so new, having someone with me in a space I’ve spent so long alone in.”

Natasha turned on her stool so she was facing Carol and gave her a tender look. “Hey, this is still new to me as well, so I understand,” she assured her.

Natasha’s eyes welled up suddenly and Carol stepped forward in concern but Natasha looked away and put up a hand to stop Carol from coming any nearer. A moment passed before Natasha was overcome with another sneezing fit and Carol relaxed.

“Sorry, I felt it coming on and didn’t want to sneeze in your face,” Natasha said, sniffling as she wiped her eyes. She reached back toward the table to grab a couple of the drier cloths from the table before lifting her arms to make a grabby hand gesture at Carol. “Please take me to bed before the drugs kick in and I get any more pathetic than I already am,” she begged, tiredly.

Carol laughed and easily scooped Natasha up into her arms. “You’re not pathetic, you’re adorable,” she said, walking past the bathroom and the spare bunk room to the main personal quarters on the ship. She carefully deposited Natasha on the sleeping platform and moved toward the end of the platform to begin unlacing her boots while Natasha arranged the pillows in a pile to help ease the pressure in her head.. Once her boots were off Carol arranged the blankets around Natasha until she was tucked in comfortably.

“M’not adorable,” Natasha grumbled, her eyelids drooping as she watched Carol smiling softly at her.

“You totally are.”

Natasha groaned weakly, “You’re enjoying this too much.”

Carol grinned. “Want me to hold you?”

Natasha nodded her head against the pillows. “Yes please.”

Carol climbed onto the platform beside Natasha and opened her arms. Natasha turned toward her immediately and buried her face in Carol’s chest, her hand resting above her heart. Carol shoved the pillows behind her to keep them both propped up a bit before wrapping her arms around Natasha.

“Better?”

“Mm, I love how you’re always so warm.”

Carol gently ran her fingers through red tresses, soothing. “I’m glad you think I’m hot,” she teased.

“That too,” Natasha murmured, snuggling further into Carol, “M’glad I fell in love with you. Lots of perks.”

Carol fought off a dopey grin and held Natasha a little tighter. “I’m glad you fell in love with me too, otherwise throwing myself off that cliff to get the soul stone wouldn’t have worked and then it just would have been super awkward after.”

Natasha sniffled as she smiled into the soft fabric of Carol’s shirt. “I almost broke my hand slapping you afterward, you idiot. I can’t believe that actually worked though. I guess it was kind of romantic.”

Carol craned her head down to look at Natasha, indignant. “Kind of? Only kind of romantic?”

Natasha hummed dreamily. The painkiller had started to kick in. “You scared the hell out of me, and Clint and that creepy red guy were there.” Carol scoffed. “But you know what I think is really romantic?” Natasha asked softly.

“What’s that, love” Carol asked, running her fingers through Natasha’s hair once more.

“You make m’feel safe… I n’er had tha..before you.”

Carol smiled and kissed the top of Natasha’s head.

“I love you, Tash. Sweet dreams.”

#carolnat #natasha x carol #carolnat fic #natasha romanoff #carol danvers #fluff fic

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dadsbongos · 3 years

Text

Morose

Movie/Game/Show: Danganronpa: Goodbye Despair Dynamic: Hajime Hinata/Reader Warnings: subtle(?) spoilers aside from the despair disease, once again i don’t write with plot :), and yes I DO know Nagito’s supposed to faint but no I didn’t write it in here Summary: Hajime can’t help but be worried as his friends’ personalities are flipped upside-down. ~~~

“Hajime!” (Y/n) cheered, a smile lighting up at the sight of the boy, waving him over as he went towards his cottage, “It’s been a bit, huh?”

“We spoke this morning,” he awkwardly pointed out.

Giggling to herself, the girl’s hands flew up as if to shrug, “So we did! I can barely keep track anymore, we’ve been on this island awhile, ya know?”

“I know what you mean,” Hajime muttered, shaking his head, “What did you need though?”

“Oh, well,” fanning herself off with her hand, (Y/n) looked to the side, “I’ve been feeling a little hot all day. Kinda worried I’m getting sick,” she sighed, “It’d be awful if someone took advantage of me being sick to kill me.”

To be completely honest, Hajime wasn’t expecting that - usually, the girl before him was incredibly cheerful. Barely even said the word ‘kill’ unless they were in a trial, and even then, she was hesitant.

“No way,” he immediately refuted, “You won’t get murdered. Not now, not later. Nobody else will be killed.”

“You can’t really promise that,” she grumbled, rubbing at her temples, “Sorry, this headache is really biting me right now.”

Hajime waved off her apology, “Shouldn’t you be lying down then? I could get Mikan.”

“No, no!” she smiled weakly, shaking her head, “I don’t wanna bother her, besides, I’m already feeling better just talking to you!”

“I don’t think that’s how illness works, at all.”

“Maybe,” she all but sang, drawing out the ‘y’, tossing her head back slightly to look at the darkening sky, “But I can’t lie. You’re a good distraction, Hajime.”

“Thanks?”

“I just mean that you make me forget how much this all sucks,” she grinned, watching as the stars blinked above her, “You’re a good friend, Hajime. I don’t know where we’d all be without you. Maybe that’s your Ultimate, huh?”

“Ultimate Friend?” he didn’t want to laugh in the poor girl’s face, but even she should be able to admit it was ridiculous.

“It is kinda silly,” (Y/n) pouted, clasping her hands behind her back before lighting up once again, “Or the Ultimate Hope! Or maybe the Ultimate Detective? Or the Ultimate- “

“I think that’s good for now,” Hajime settled his hands on the girl’s shoulders, “It’s getting dark, I think we should head to our cottages.”

“Oh, alright!” (Y/n) bounced out of the boy’s grip before dashing towards her cottage, “See ya tomorrow, Hajime!”

Waking up the next morning to Monokuma’s voice, (Y/n) pursed her lips at the uncomfortable dryness of her throat. And then the heat. Absolute sweltering temperatures with a headache to crack open her skull.

She stood from her bed, immediately going to the bathroom and cupping her hand under the running sink, hoping that drinking some water would ease her throat. It succeeded, temporarily.

Deciding that, sadly, no matter what she did it was hopeless - (Y/n) managed to put herself together before dragging her way down to the cafeteria. She just barely pressed towards the dining area before growing quickly irritated at the sound of loud wails that only seemed to get worse when she went inside. Akane was sobbing, breaking down into nothing before all her classmates.

Hajime had crossed arms as he watched the woman cry over poor Nekomaru, “Doesn’t something seem a little… off about her?”

“Like I give a shit. Who cares? Let the bitch cry.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened at her own words, Hajime staring at her in shock before shaking his head and leaning closer to the girl, “Are you- are you feeling alright?”

“Fuck off, I don’t need your bug-eyes staring at me,” before she could stop herself, more insults were hurling out of her mouth - almost alarmingly fast.

Ibuki hummed thoughtfully, “You know, Hajime’s eyes always did look a little fly-ey.”

“I don’t have bug-eyes,” Hajime glared weakly at (Y/n), “Do you still feel sick?”

“Puhuhuhuhu!” interrupted any more conversation, Monokuma giggling loudly, “It seems some of your friends have caught the Despair Disease!”

Mikan jumped slightly, “Despair Disease?!” she walked to (Y/n) and Ibuki, placing a soft hand on their foreheads, “They’re awfully warm.”

“Whore,” (Y/n) spat as she knocked the nurse’s hand from her forehead.

“W-whore?!” Mikan jumped back, curling into herself, tears bubbling at her water line.

"Surprise! It's your next motive!" Monokuma exclaimed, clearly proud of his plan, "Ibuki has the Gullible Disease, Akane has the Coward Disease, Nagito has the Liar Disease, and (Y/n) has the Morose Disease!"

Glancing over to where Nagito was avidly dismissing any possible feeling of illness, Hajime nodded slightly before looking back to the sulking, brooding girl beside him, “I guess that makes sense.”

With a final warning of the disease being contagious, Monokuma left and Mikan was quick to emphasis that the sick should be taken to the hospital.

“I don’t need to be looked after,” (Y/n) sneered, utterly horrified at the words her mouth was spewing without her consent, “Especially by Little Ms. Piggy.”

“If (Y/n) doesn’t need to be looked after than neither do I!” Ibuki shouted.

Hajime rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I know. Everyone, just follow me.”

“I hope this never ends!”

“Shut your mouth before I stitch it shut, hope boy.”

After everyone was settled into their own rooms, with their own caretaker, (Y/n) tried to keep her mouth shut as Mikan, Fuyuhiko, and Hajime stood around her room. Chiaki was still busy calming down Akane from a cry-fest over stepping on Hajime’s foot earlier in the day.

Hajime sat by (Y/n)’s bedside, eyes flickering from the girl to Mikan as the nurse checked her vitals, “If I knew you calling me the Ultimate Friend would lead to this, I wouldn’t have gone over,” he tried joking. Just to ease the tension of the room.

Once again, without fail, (Y/n)’s lips flew open before she could stop herself, “Ultimate Friend? More like Ultimately Useless, get me a fucking doctor. Not some whiny-bitch nurse and two cuckolds.”

Silence festered in the room, (Y/n) tossing herself back to try and fall asleep as fast as possible. No longer wishing to live with the consequences of her own actions.

“This’ll be a long-fucking-while, then,” Fuyuhiko huffed.

Placing her head in her hands, (Y/n) sighed, flinching slightly when she felt someone pull her hands away to uncover her face, Hajime doing his best to give the girl a comforting smile, “We’ll get over this, like we always do. Nobody else is dying, right? We said it ourselves.”

Nodding, (Y/n) did her best to keep her mouth shut to refrain from ruining the moment.

Nobody else would die.

Nobody…

“See?” Hajime looked up to the nurse, “Don’t you agree, Mikan?”

#danganronpa x reader #hajime x reader #hajime hinata x reader #i'm obsessed with despair disease it's excellent

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shadowywerewolfqueen · 4 years

Text

Take Care of Your Husband

Cas picked his phone up and answered Sam’s call. “Hello Sam. What can I do for you?”

“I know you and Jack have been planning this trip for the two of you for weeks but for the love of all that is holy, I need you to come back to the bunker and take care of your husband,” Sam shouted.

Cas held the phone away from his ear as Sam was shouting extremely loud. “What is wrong with Dean? He was fine when we left a few days ago.”

“He’s come down with a cold and he is being a whiny asshole about it! He argues with me every time I try to help him, and he’s only getting worse. I’m about ready to strangle him or knock him into unconsciousness, I haven’t decided,” Sam said frustratedly.

Cas sighed but couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Let me talk to Jack and see if I can convince him to leave. He’s enjoying his trip to Disneyland immensely.”

“You don’t sound like you are,” Sam said.

“It’s so loud and crowded. I hate to tear him away, but I’ll be glad to be back home in the quiet of the bunker,” Cas explained as he started pushing through the crowd, looking for his pseudo son.

Sam was silent for a minute before saying, “Why don’t we trade places. I need a break from Dean, and you want away from the theme park.”

“Do you care if I fly you? Even after being together all these years, Dean still complains when I fly him anywhere.” Cas rolled his eyes at the thought of his husband’s bitching.

“I don’t care how you get me there, just please get me out of here. If I have to hear Dean whine like a little girl one more time, I’m gonna claw my ears out. The guy can nearly get his leg chopped off by a vampire and not complain but god forbid he gets a cold,” Sam complained.

Castiel chuckled. “I see Jack. Let me tell him what’s going on and then I will be at the bunker.”

“Alright, see you in a minute. Bye.”

“Bye Sam.” Cas hung up the call and slipped the phone in his trench coat pocket.

Jack turned to look at Cas, his lips stained blue from the cotton candy he was stuffing into his mouth. He waved at Cas as the older angel walked up to him. He held a handful off the sweet confection out in front of him. “Hey Cas, do you want some? It’s delicious.”

Cas shook his head. “Thank you but no. Jack, would you be upset if Sam joined you for the rest of the trip? Dean has come down with a cold and needs somebody to take care of him that isn’t his younger brother.”

Jack shoved the cotton candy in his mouth as he said, “I don’t mind. Sam will probably go on the rides with me. You go take care of Dean.”

“Thank you. I’ll be right back with Sam.” In the blink of an eye, Cas was gone. He returned barely five seconds later with a bewildered Sam.

“Give me a warning next time, Cas,” Sam grumbled as he tried to steady his tall frame.

Cas grabbed Sam’s arm to keep him from falling. “I’m sorry. You said you didn’t mind this form of travel. If you’re ok, I must return to Dean.”

Sam waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, go tend to your sick husband. Jack and I have some rides to go on.”

Jack’s face erupted into a large smile at the mention of riding rides. He grabbed Sam’s arm and pointed to the first one he wanted to go on. Cas watched as the two of them walked off, talking excitedly. With a flap of his wings, Cas was flying away from the park and towards his home. He landed in the bunker’s kitchen.

He was startled when he heard a loud sneeze echo through the hallways. Cas headed towards their room; as he got closer, he could hear Dean’s sneezes, coughs, and curse words. The door to their room was wide open and Cas leaned against the doorway and stared at the man he loved. Dean was laying in their bed with his back turned to Cas and was buried underneath no less than five blankets. His body was wracked with insistent coughing and Cas flinched at how painful it sounded.

“Stupid, fucking cold!! This fucking sucks! How do people handle this shit?? I feel like I’m dying,” Dean shouted into the room. He started to say something else but was for forced to stop as he was overcome by sneezes. “A-choo! A-chooo! A-A-CHOO!!”

Cas walked over and took a seat on the edge of the mattress. Dean immediately turned his head over his shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw Castiel sitting there. “I thought you and Jack were at Disneyland.” Dean’s voice was scratchy and thick with mucus.

Cas reached out and ran his fingers through the sweaty locks. “Sam said you were sick.”

“No shit sherlock,” Dean snapped before breaking into a coughing fit. “It was just a cough a few days ago and now I’m coughing and sneezing, and my nose can’t decide if it wants to let me breathe or suffocate me. I can’t taste a damn thing and I can hardly move a muscle without hurting.” Dean grabbed a tissue and blew his nose into it before looking at the snot. “Ugh, that’s disgusting.”

Cas scrunched his nose. “Why did you look at it?”

Dean shrugged. “Why do I do half the shit I do? I’m just glad you’re here. If I had to shove down another bowl of chicken noodle soup or cup of ginger ale, I was going to throw it at Sam’s face. I haven’t had a burger or a beer in days. Hell, he threatened to hide the keys to Baby if I didn’t lay my ass down.”

“He was just trying to take care of you,” Cas replied as he grinned at his husband’s antics. “Maybe I should let you suffer for a while longer for being such a grouchy patient.”

“No, please, don’t! I’ll apologize to him and thank him for putting up with me, but please don’t make me have to deal with this any longer. I’ve been miserable,” Dean whined.

“You are to be on your best behavior for the next two weeks and you have to apologize to and thank your brother. Otherwise, I’m going to make you sick again and you will have to let it run its course, am I understood?” Cas used his Dom voice to let Dean know he was being completely serious.

Dean shivered as Cas’ voice lowered and he stared at Dean with a cocked eyebrow. “Yes sir, I promise! Please, just make me better.”

Cas chuckled as he placed two fingers on Dean’s forehead and sent a surge of grace into the hunter’s body, eradicating all traces of the illness that plagued Dean’s body. Dean took a huge breath and relaxed against the bed. “Thanks angel. Gah, I don’t know how people without magical angel husbands deal with that. It was awful!” Dean kicked all the blankets off now that he wasn’t freezing cold anymore.

“You’re just lucky your magical angel husband hates your whining as much as your brother. You also need to thank Jack for letting me come to you,” Cas said as he shed his trench coat, suit jacket, tie, and shoes. He then slid into bed and Dean curled up against him.

“I will, I promise. I’m sorry to pull you away from your trip with Jack. I know he has been looking forward to it for weeks,” Dean replied as he let his head rest against Cas’ chest.

Cas started trailing his fingers through Dean’s hair again. “Honestly, I wasn’t enjoying it very much and I was taking the fun out of it for Jack. I think he will have a lot more fun with Sam. When I left, they were rushing off to ride rides, something Jack had been begging me to do.”

Dean reached across Cas’ chest and grabbed his free hand. “Yeah, Sam is like a big kid when it comes to theme parks. I’m not a huge fan of them myself. The food is good but that’s about it. The games are rigged and if I won’t fly on a plane, you think there’s any chance of getting me on a friggin roller coaster?”

“Well, I’m sure Sam will be far better entertainment than I was.” Cas pressed a kiss to the top of Dean’s head. “Whatever shall we do to occupy ourselves while they’re gone?”

Dean grinned at Cas, delight dancing in his eyes. “I’m sure we will think of something!” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to his husband’s.

“Are you going to my good boy until your brother gets back?” Cas asked as he smiled at Dean.

“I really don’t wanna be sick anytime soon, so yes sir, I promise to be good,” Dean replied quickly.

Cas pulled Dean’s head back and nipped at his exposed neck. “For some reason, I don’t believe you but that’s ok. I always enjoy turning your ass a bright red.”

Dean shivered in anticipation. “Who said I had to be in trouble?”

“Oh pet, we are going to have so much fun,” Cas whispered seductively. Dean couldn’t wait.

Tagging: @lonewolf34500 @notwithd @multifandom-fanatic @flowersforcas @cockleslovesdestiel

#writersmonth2020 #My writing #my OTP #destiel #sick dean #sam is so done #husbands #light dom/sub

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bittervitter · 4 years

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ang0mang0′s “copycat” claims

I didn’t want to have to make another post about this, but since people on sonicfan799 / thatAnge / @ang0mang0′s Tumblr profile are getting riled up about this ridiculous drama that should have died ages ago, I figured I’d defend myself. Some people who are trying to support me have been saying incorrect things too, so I also wanted to clear that up. This crap has been going on for months, everyone is sick of it by now. Instead of being brief like I did for other social medias, I’ll be as detailed as possible this time.

[1] “she’s copying/imitating/heavily referencing from my art style!!!”

Like people have said a million times, no I’m not. And nor is anyone else. Just because someone draws the Sonic characters in a similar style to you does not automatically mean they took, copied or “stole” those ideas from you. You don’t own the concept of buff, fluffy bodies or chubby muzzles. COINCIDENCE, as much as you hopelessly deny it, is very much a possible thing- even in crazy situations such as this. There are several other artists who have similar art styles by mere coincidence. IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. As examples, these Instagram artists have similar styles: @ azulytoons and @ indigonite0 / @ magenta_mel and @ zer0finix / @ himemikal and @ natirix. NONE of these artists are “stealing” or referencing from each other- they just have similar art styles, and that is perfectly okay! They draw completely different things with completely different mindsets. The world does not revolve around you, ang0. Not everyone knows who you are, so some people who use the same traits that we do don’t even know we exist.

Also, to anyone unaware, an art STYLE is not merely how one chooses to portray a character. An art STYLE is also what brushes you use, how you sketch, how you line, how you colour, how you shade, how you choose to portray certain objects or ideas- basically your entire fucking understanding of how something’s supposed to look and how you LIKE it to look. It’s not just “chubby faces, poofy curly hair, buff bodies”. It’s everything in a piece AND that.

[2] “she’s tracing my art/ redrawing my ideas!”

Literally no. People have constantly asked you to provide evidence and you refused to. All you did was scream “but it’s so obvious, just look at it!” or “are you dumb? use your eyes!” and several other insults. If you want to prove a point or make someone see something, GIVE. EVIDENCE. The only person who actually provided “proof” was pin_kpeach, your ever so loyal whiteknight, but her “proof” only backfired and proved that the both of you are extremely delusional. In the drawings of ours that she layered over each other, next to NONE of the lines lined up. It looked like a clustered mess of scrap, and the reason for that is because IT WASN’T TRACED. In the one or two drawings where ONE. SINGLE. PIECE. actually lined up was entirely zoomed in to make it seem as though the whole thing was traced. No, honey, that’s not how you provide proof. That’s how you pull a muscle by reaching so desperately to lie about me. The rest of the drawings in those pictures didn’t line up at all, and one- or I believe both- needed to be titled to line them up in the first place. You could say that some people trace things and resize or rotate them, but if I were as dumb as you persist to say, then I wouldn’t have done something like that. Either way, one aspect of a drawing lining up is a common thing for people who have similar styles because- well, I just said it. THEY HAVE SIMILAR STYLES. If they draw something the same way, well fucking duh, it’ll match someone else’s drawing almost exactly sometimes.

[3] “she’s too petty and too much of a liar to credit me! saying the art isn’t hers will hurt her oversized ego!”

Ahaha no. The only one here with an inflated ego is you, ang0. You call me the egotistical one yet you act as though your life is falling apart just because someone else draws like you on the internet. Stop acting like a special snowflake, you are not the only one on this planet with an art style of that nature. I don’t credit you because crediting you makes no damn sense. Why should I credit someone who’s had absolutely no impact on my work whatsoever? What in the hell did you do for my drawings that makes you deserve so much credit? Did you sketch it? No. Did you line it? Nope. Did you colour or shade it? Not a chance. Just because I came up with a design for the characters that happens to look like yours does not mean I owe you jack shit. You cannot. own. a style. Get over it.

[4] “she worsened my depression and is the reason I can’t draw anymore! I have no motivation when there’s some idiot copycat stealing all my art!”

I don’t want to sound like that kind of person, but you worsened your own depression. You painted this false picture in your head and continue to hang onto that belief like your life depends on it. I haven’t done ANYthing to you. You came to ME with these stupid claims back when my art looked LESS like yours, before I even knew who you were. You’re making yourself feel horrible because you, for some paranormal reason, refuse to believe that you’re not the only one with that kind of style. This is why people call you childish, you’re like a whiny baby that can’t accept another child having a toy similar to yours. I can’t even decide whether I should say “grow up” because you’re older than me- not to mention you’re an ADULT.

[5]”she constantly sends her whiteknights to attack me, harass me and send me threatening messages!”

I’ve said several times to my followers NOT to harass you or your followers or anyone against me in this mess at all. I do not send anyone after you. People say things to you out of their own free will and with their own words. I can’t magically know when this happens, why they decide to and I especially can’t control anyone. I’m sorry that my friend Koro sent you all those DMs and horrible messages wishing a lot of very bad things onto you and your family- I asked her several times before and after not to do that, but I didn’t have a clue she did it until after the fact. Either way, don’t go around assuming that I put people up to this or I intentionally ask people to do these things to you. Why in the hell would I do that? What good does that do? All I wanted to do was talk things out but at this point, you don’t even take me seriously, so I can’t even try anymore. The few times we did talk you refuse to see my point of view and just see me as a liar. What the hell am I supposed to do then?

[6]”all vio does is lie, she’s so fake all the time, lying for her petty ego”

I’m not even sure how to respond to this but I thought I might as well bring it up. No matter what I do or say, ang0 sees me as nothing but some retarded liar that can’t help but lie their way around everything, even though I’ve been nothing but genuine all this time. It’s why I can’t even communicate with her anymore, because “shut up, stop lying you copycat” is all I get in response basically.

[7] her insane hypocrisy

Ange and pin_kpeach have said numerous times that I’m rude or insult her, and there have been times where I’ve been mean out of anger, but I know for a fact I apologized for it in DMs. Ange apologized too. I don’t remember ever insulting her after that, but ang0 doesn’t ever stop ridiculing and insulting me with almost every comment she makes on the drama. If she really was sorry, she wouldn’t have done it again, but I guess she said “fuck it” and just continued anyway. Pin_kpeach likes to say I’M the hypocrite for saying Ange is harassing me yet being rude to her a couple times, yet they do they exact same thing, but even worse?? I try my best to be as civil as possible, but ang0 and pink don’t waste a second calling me and my supporters all sorts of colourful names just because they don’t agree with her claims. In fact, here’s a list of every single thing ang0’s ever called me:

retarded, retard, stupid, idiot, dumb, low IQ, mentally ill, crazy, talentless, skill-less, copycat, art thief, (dumb) cow, fuckhole, asshole, bitch, wanna-be artist, unreasonable, clown, fake, liar, hypocrite, delusional, dick, stalker, bittershitter, dumbass, immature

There’s probably more than that, but that’s as much as I can remember. Not hard to forget when she repeats them almost all the time.

[8] gatekeeping ideas

Ange and pink act as if two people drawing a character in the same outfit automatically equals “du bist kopying mein style!!”. I can’t even begin to imagine the mental gymnastics you need to do in order to believe a thought process like that is logical. She thinks that anyone who draws Amy in a dress with a white under-skirt or white ruffles underneath is nothing but a copied idea from her. She thinks that me drawing Amy in a green tank top, blue backwards cap and blue sports shorts is copying her drawing of Amy in a green unidentifiable top (you could only see her back, she didn’t seem to have straps) and blue sports shorts with a slightly different design is automatically copied from her. The poses, shading, angle and idea behind the drawing were COMPLETELY different- but nonono, “this is stolen because the outfit is the same!” They also use the excuse of the whole chubby faces, curly hair, blah blah blah- see point [1] as to why that’s BS.

[9] her perception of my followers/supporters

Aside from Koro, I don’t know if anyone has seriously threatened or harassed her. Her followers comment on my posts, my followers only comment when she brings up the drama or whines about it. She insults my supporters when they don’t agree with her and act like they’re a bunch of immature brats who are wrong while she’s the high and mighty mature one seeing through non-existent lies. I’m used to her making fun of me, but I’m sick and tired of her insulting people who have nothing to do with the drama just because they don’t agree with her. Like, seriously? You call everyone immature and stupid yet you’re the one insulting people non-stop just because they realize how ridiculous and childish you’re acting. That’s why “childish” has become a popular adjective for you, ang0. BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING CHILDISH. CONSTANTLY. You get pissy, insult others and put people down but whine and cry the next minute because you constantly like to play the victim. Speaking of which...

[10] the victim card

I have absolutely no idea what ang0 goes through in real life, but there is no excuse for how she’s behaved during this drama AT ALL. Ange constantly defames her own artwork, calling it shit, calling it every bad name in the book, but doesn’t hesitate for a minute to gatekeep her style as if it was the best thing in the world. She says it’s because she “worked her ass off” and doesn’t want people just stealing her hard work. Okay, but you do realize that other people put just as much work into their own art, no matter if it looks like yours or not, right? She demands that people change their style to stop looking like hers, acting as if that can be done in a matter of minutes, because people having similar styles makes her uncomfortable. Well, surprise motherfucker- welcome to the internet. No one is original and everyone is original at the same time. People are bound to come up with similar ideas and you’re just going to have to deal with it. But despite the similarities, people are still original in their own right. If you believe that people can change a style so easily, why not just change your OWN style? Because you worked your ass off? Well, THEY WORKED THEIR ASS OFF TOO. So don’t act like you’re the only one who’s put effort into their craft. Art is hard, and that applies to EVERYONE- even professionals.

You blame me and other “copycats” for all your problems, blaming us for worsening your depression, ruining your passion for art- when you’re the only one who does this to yourself. Yes, there have been genuine art thieves in your life, and people who have stolen your art- but what I’m talking about are the people like me who DON’T steal your art or are merely inspired by you. People who say “you should be happy they’re inspired!” aren’t saying “you should be happy they’re copying!”. They’re saying that you should be glad that your work is so inspiring that people create their own unique ideas based off your own. Inspiration doesn’t require credit unless they’re purposefully taking a massive part of the original. But being inspired by a hair style or even a pose isn’t stealing. It’s inspiration, that’s it. I’m not inspired by you at all, but I can at least appreciate your art- even if you think I’m just being fake.

[11] ang0mang0′s history and why this shit doesn’t even make sense

Ange has said publicly and to me in detail about how she’s been accused of the same “art style theft” in the past. From what I’ve gathered or heard, people used to accuse her of copying a popular artist called myly14 who’s Sonic art is pretty much everywhere. Whether it be in edits, MVs or whatever else. Looking at her old art when she went under the name sonicfan799, her art does look similar to myly’s, but ang0 insisted that she didn’t copy myly and didn’t even know who she was. She legit said “it’s not my fault my art looks like someone else’s”, so basically- it was coincidence. She said she changed her art style because she “isn’t an asshole and didn’t want to make the other artist uncomfortable”, even though art style theft isn’t a thing and no one needs to be forced out of a style just because someone else already draws that way. I have no idea what myly’s stance on that situation was, but the fact that it happened just proves how stupid her current claims are.

Ange says that her style is “too complex” to be coincidentally similar to someone else’s, even though the fact that it’s happened 30 times (according to her) just proves that no, ang0, no it fucking isn’t. Your style isn’t complicated at all. Detailed sure, but no style is too complicated to be similar to another’s. Being complex doesn’t make something any less likely to be identical to another complex style.If you didn’t copy myly14 in the past, what right do you have to accuse me of the same damn thing? If I really am copying you, then you have to admit to copying myly, because you can’t just lie about your past and then shit on me for doing the same thing. So it’s either you stop this nonsense or you drag this drama down with you to your grave and admit you copied myly14.

Another thing, myly14 didn’t even have a “simple” style. The fact that her art was almost instantly recognizable and popular meant that she had a signature style that stood out. Yes, she used a lot of the original Sonic style’s anatomy, but her stylization of said anatomy, her shading and the way she composed her pieces gave her a signature style. The most stylized thing I could see was how she drew muzzles, and guess who drew muzzles in a similar way as well? You did. People saw how your way of drawing faces and some parts of the body and thought it looked liked myly’s. The similarities in your anatomy, and not your shading or colouring, was what made people think you copied her. That exact same thing is happening between me and you. My shading, colouring and composition is entirely different from yours, but some parts of the anatomy are similar.

If you really didn’t copy myly14, you have absolutely no. fucking. excuse. to accuse me of the EXACT. SAME. SHIT. that happened to you.

You never needed or deserved to be pressured out of your old style just because people thought it looked similar to someone else’s, and that’s why I refuse to change my style now. Because it isn’t. fucking. fair. To ANYONE.

[12] how I feel (this is copied over from my DeviantART)

At this point I've grown used to what she has to say, but it still hurts. She thinks that I'm some kind of cartoon villain maniacally laughing behind a computer screen every time I post something because she's so deep into her belief that I really copy everything she draws and that nothing I've never posted has any true effort put into it. She genuinely believes she owns all my art and that I devote my entire gallery into recreating her image or some crazy shit like that. It sounds really dumb, but from what I've read from her poorly constructed comments and rants, that's basically what she believes.

She thinks I don't care at all about how all this affects her or anyone at all, but I do. It doesn't just hurt me in the sense that she makes me feel awful with all her insults, but I just feel so bad for her. I feel guilty in the sense that I couldn't do anything at all to help her, not that "shes prolly feeling guilty and made that april fools joke to let out some guilt!!". (If you don’t know, on April Fools Day, I changed my Instagram bio to say “clown” and call myself “the ultimate copycat” as a joke.) That was a really stupid reaction from her by the way... who the hell comes up with that? Now that she's going away for a month, I feel even worse because all I wanted to do was try to make her come to her senses and end this mess. I thought I could talk some sense into her- that didn't work. Her delusions are so strong, she's like a brick wall. I thought I could ignore the drama- that didn't work. She "clowns" and talks about it so annoyingly often. Not to mention people do things on their own to stir shit up. I thought I could support her regardless and maybe try making her feel better about her art- that didn't work. She thinks I'm fake and that everything I say is a lie. Because of me, she probably doesn't believe other people too- and that makes me feel even more terrible.

No matter what I do, I'm automatically the villain and she's the tortured, helpless artist that everyone is against because "everyone is dumb, supporting a copycat" and she's just "used to it, because she's dealt with so much shit already!". It's so ridiculous. If she would just try to actually better herself or the situation, she wouldn't feel so horrible all the time. Like... for god's sake, she relied on a video game to make her happy- that's not healthy, and just like I suspected, it didn't fucking work.

more of how I feel

Because of ang0, I just feel like garbage. My self esteem and confidence in my art was already low. Thanks to her, I don’t feel original (or as original) anymore- and I’m afraid to show many of my new or old ideas because she or her whiteknight pin_kpeach may spring out and say “copycat! stolen! you’re not original!” and a plethora of other insults. I can barely sketch or draw Sonic content without panicking and feeling worthless because all I have is her words and her opinions stuck in my head. She blames me for her demotivation and shit like that when she’s done the same thing to me. She thinks I don’t care about her or her art, when I do, but when I say that, she calls me fake. In reality, ang0 couldn’t give a damn about me and I’m pretty sure she’d be happy if I were dead. She has said before that she doesn’t care if I killed myself soo... there’s that. Anyway lemme not drag my feelings out too long, I just thought I’d say it to anyone willing to listen since her immediate response would’ve been “fake, liar” etc, etc. I really don’t want anyone to feel bad for me or anything like that, I just want people to listen and understand. That’s all.

a final note

I’m really thankful- like, REALLY thankful- for everyone who’s been on my side throughout this. I don’t like picking sides, and I’d hate to make people do so, but there doesn’t seem to be any in between to this at all. It’s either you believe I’m copying her or you don’t. Most people don’t- thank goodness for that- but some do. And there’s nothing I can do about it. At this point, whatever man.

Please please PLEASE do not harass ang0. Don’t threaten her, don’t insult her, don’t do anything rash or fucking illegal. It’s all fair game if you want to POLITELY SPEAK to her, or try to start a discussion, but please don’t do anything stupid. And especially don’t do things in my name. If you want to debate with me or her, do research first- don’t just jump to conclusions or make assumptions.If you want nothing to do with this drama, then simply don’t say anything- just be aware of what’s going on, that’s all I ask. So nobody gets the wrong idea on either side.

Sorry for this being so long, I think I’m done for now.

Thank you if you read the whole thing.

[9.4.2020]

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality.

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person.

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !!

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

#long post//#i would like one free ticket to pop off please. thank you #can i cash it in immediately if you dont mind

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ryollie · 4 years

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update post, gonna put under a read more. its gonna be rambly and honest abt how i feel on certain things, why i’ve been gone and what im gonna do from now on etc. tw for mental illness !

i’ve been inactive for a month, almost 2 i think? its kind of painful to evaluate everything to be honest. i’ve had my blog for half a year. i really loved and had fun in the hphm fandom and ive met great people. people come and go, and im alright with that. when i first joined, i never expected so many people would enjoy ollie, my first ever mc. i was just so so happy and wanted to draw and share more of my oc stories and creations with everybody. as time gone on, i started feeling isolated, and slowly started getting more hate for various reasons and i felt very overwhelmed.

i’ve always tried my best to be kind to everybody and understand things from different perspectives but i realise that there are some people you can just never see eye to eye with no matter how hard u try. my mistake was trying too hard to get along with everybody. it rlly sucks when you find leaked convos of ppl you thought u were friends with insulting you, ppl you drew for and thought you had fun with talking smack behind ur back. its alright to not like me or my content ! i just dont see why ppl would interact positively with me and act a different way once my back is turned. i think its pretty...ugly, to be honest. if u rlly had an issue with me, dm me and lets talk it out civilly. i dont shy away from an honest conversation; if i truly did anything wrong i will admit to my mistakes, apologize and hopefully change for the better. we are all human, its normal to fuck up and theres always room for change.

its easy to say just ignore the hate and move on, and believe me thats exactly what i tried to do. it was really uncomfortable and i felt like i was just putting on a mask to remain positive, sociable and welcoming to everybody i interacted with. i did that for 3 months and overtime, it just crumbled. i felt really paranoid everytime i had an interaction, because i saw so much negativity about me that i wish i did not that i started to doubt every interaction i had. i didnt know if someone was pretending to be kind to me, i started to think what if they had heard bad things about me from others and were judging me etc, its a lot to handle. im a paranoid scizophrenic and feelings of paranoia manifest into auditory hallucinations for me. these feelings arent just a bad gut feeling. i hear people talking about me and how theyre going to hurt me because they hate me etc. its honestly really exhausting and its hard to tell whats real and fake and it makes me disassociate.

people believe what they want to believe. there’s always two sides to a story. i’m tired of being painted as somebody bad because of petty gossip, i’m tired of always needing to defend myself. once you’re on someone’s bad side, you’re judged and nitpicked for every single minor detail. its awful. if others vent, its alright because everyone has their problems and deserve to be heard! if i vent, its me being whiny and playing a victim card. people can easily twist your words to suit their narrative. words can hurt like a bitch, you know. i wish more people realised there’s weight in their words.

and to address this if its unclear; i’m no longer in a relationship and i ended it myself. i just dont feel like im in a good place mentally to sustain a rs for a very, very long time. i would also appreciate it if people can stop associating me with my previous partner. i do not want anything to do with them. i wont disclose any details out of respect but please respect how i feel on this.

to sum up i’m sorry if i’ve ever hurt anybody. i’m just tired of the negativity and the indirects. people who know me, know me. i always try to be kind but i have my limits too. i disappeared for two months because i couldnt cope with it, but I'm willing to try again. i’ll be very cautious with who i interact from now on, and i hope you can understand why. im just protecting myself. i want to have fun drawing and creating content for me and my friends and not for the sake of others, as it should have been from the very start. i just want to have fun again and to slowly learn to trust people. thank you if you read this to the very end, it was just an honest and long ramble of how i’ve been feeling. i hope i can share more of ollie and my other ocs with everybody and that with time, i can let go of the painful things i’ve experienced before.

#personal

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befitandchase · 5 years

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I just realized how hard it is to write in the RNM fandom

😐

There are way too many good writers. It’s impossible to compete with their caliber of writing and sheer output.

Also, too many BNF’s that pretty much everyone (myself included) gush over.

I wish I could have stuck with the Arrow fandom through all 8 years, but I gave it 4, which was plenty for me. Close to a million words written for that fandom alone. I miss being part of it, but knowing that’s it’s going to end soon has put a damper on my creativity for Olicity. They will forever be my #1 OTP of all time, but I needed to transition into something new in order to keep my creativity fresh.

Roswell New Mexico started out as an experiment for me at the beginning of the show itself because I’d watched OG Roswell when it first came out and absolutely adored it. I didn’t realize I’d get so enraptured with the reboot, let alone start shipping an LGBT couple that has become so very close to my heart for so many reasons.

I mean, you’ve got Michael Guerin (who, to my knowledge, was straight in the original series and books) being bi. That in and of itself is so important to me because REPRESENTATION. (Being bi myself, I can most definitely relate to him in many ways.)

And then there’s Alex Manes (formerly Alex Whitman in the original series). He’s gay, but the fact that he’s experienced so much trauma in his life and deals with almost every single mental illness I deal with, has made me relate to him even more than Michael. To put it bluntly, Alex Manes owned my heart and soul.

It wasn’t until the very last few minutes of episode 1 of the reboot that we really saw them together, and the tension that had been building throughout the episode explode in a fiery, passionate, desperate kiss that not only caught me by surprise but captured my heart in the process. That turned me into a Malex shipper immediately.

And now here I am, trying my damnedest to put my creativity to work, and feeling like I’m just kinda drowning in a sea of much better, smarter, sexier content than I’ll ever be able to write. It sucks. It produces self doubt in abundance (something I already struggle with). And I hate that it’s getting to me when I know it shouldn’t. I’m a grown ass woman. I need to put my big girl panties on and stop being such a whiny bitch about it.

But I can’t. I can’t because the voices of my depression tell me I’ll never be good enough so why should I keep trying? It’s frustrating having to deal with that when writing fic is the only pastime that gives me joy anymore. I hate feeling this way and I hate that I had to unload on here.

I’m sorry. Ignore this post. I’m just acting childish.

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condemnthem · 4 years

Text

i was sent testimony from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. speaking with others involved i can confirm this testimony is credible. this backs up claims others have made about ludo, and shows further his use of “mental illness” as a weapon.

My Testimonial

I’ve been off rp for a little while, but when I heard about this, my first thought was that I have to add additional validity to the things being said about Damien/Ludo. Luckily, I did not receive the worst of it because I shut that shit down almost immediately and Damien has proven to be a scared little chihuahua who acts big but recoils as soon as he’s given a piece of his own bullshit. I’m sure he’ll know exactly who I am, and the only reason I won’t post this publicly is because I honestly do not wish to deal with him harassing any of my socials.

I was in that former RPG with Damien, and if anything, I wanted to shut all assumptions and lies down. Prior to joining, I’d heard plenty of shit regarding said RPG, and after Damien’s departure, I’d come to learn that the people who talk shit about it are just whiny children who are angry they weren’t exceptions to the rules clearly posted.

When I signed the waitlist, Damien approached me with a secret sister role via messages. He came off as very nice, and I was still figuring my character out, so I thought it would be even nicer to come in with an established connection. He connected me to all the right people to talk to, and I was pretty impressed with the welcoming atmosphere right off the bat. He stated the only thing that was set in stone was 1) her place of birth and 2) her profession, and 3) that she was his long lost sister, and that anything else (storyline, additional relationships, playby) were all completely up to me. I don’t like filling roles because I hate being told what to do creative-wise, but he seemed to be pretty open-minded minus trying to sway me away from my playby choices with ugly tattooed chicks.

The first couple of weeks were okay. I realized there were a few people in the RPG that I’d known for a while, and when they realized what my role entailed, they warned me not to let Damien control me, because it was what he did with other people as well as LI’s and that was why certain people hated him within the group. I’d also been informed that he had been banned and snuck back into the group, and it had taken O (I’ll say O for Owner and L for the LI Damien later gaslighted who is now with O) some time before realizing it was him, but let him stay because despite outside opinion by pissy former members, O is actually pretty reasonable.

I tend to be a very bendy person, and don’t like upsetting people around me, so when Damien first started getting pissy if I didn’t answer within two minutes, I tried to be nice and apologize with whatever excuse I had. But I also have a limit when I am being hounded constantly for attention when I had enough to deal with in my real life. I was also aware that one of his LI’s (also a taken role) had left because of his annoying neediness, and that the LI he was with (who I’d become best friends with) was dealing with the same annoying hounding for attention. She tried to be nice about it to not hurt his feelings, and didn’t show me receipts, but the story had become pretty commonplace at that point. I’d also been warned about his need for attention and lack of boundaries. I made it very clear on many occasions that I hate talking about rl, and frankly do not care about what anyone else is dealing with irl because I’m constantly dealing with my own shit. I ALSO suffer from the same disorder as Damien and it has never occurred to me to use that excuse for shitty behavior. If I felt the need to dissociate, I simply disappeared rather than taking it out on others around me.

I really tried to make that role work for me because the character was all mine and I loved her, and mused her pretty hard. Damien started attempting to control my attempts at changing playbys by stating they didn’t look like him (fyi, Hayley Williams, Hannah Pixie, and Dua Lipa don’t look like Yungblud either). He’d get annoyed if I wasn’t around to do blast activities with him. My last straw was when I took a one week hiatus for some stuff I was dealing with irl and was only really speaking to someone I had an almost-LI ship with. Damien CAME at me, asking why I was ignoring him for this person and I lost it, stating that I was on hiatus and didn’t owe him any of my fucking time, and that I hate being hounded for attention. He immediately backed down like the pussy he really is when he realized he couldn’t control me, and apologized saying he has that disorder and abandonment issues. And I very nicely said I didn’t care about that, because it’s none of my business, and that I suffered from the same mental disorder and didn’t take it out on people as a result because I’m an adult.

I decided to leave the group and come back as another character. That was when he was dating L, the person who came forward a few times in the posts below. L and I have some basic stuff in common (musicals, whatever), and we’d fan girl over them in statuses, and Damien would clearly be very pissy about it. When I left the group again, he blocked me everywhere, and then when he saw I was returning yet again, he messaged me saying he was excited and that he was sorry for deleting me because he was “being petty and immature.” I acted like it wasn’t a big deal because I try to be civil with group members to foster a healthy atmosphere, but I wanted to avoid him at all costs because he’s a toxic person. When I approached him with a storyline idea, he said he was capped (he’s never capped because he wants to rope everyone in on his bullshit, but I assumed it was because he secretly hated me, which I was totally cool with because it meant I didn’t have to talk to him) and a few weeks later, he was kicked from the group.

I was still with RPG when he was booted, and everyone of the things the Owner said below is valid. I’d been told by more than one person that Damien would give them shit for something as simple as liking statuses and would try to polarize people from other members of the group. His obsession with staying in that group despite hating it is honestly the dumbest shit ever, and the fact that he allegedly stated for an LI shows how pathetic he really is. But truly, he’d snuck back in despite being banned, so what does that say about him?

He started getting pissy because he wasn’t allowed to do shit that were clearly stated as being against the rules. He kept adding nonsensical, impossible storylines to Damien to focus all the drama on himself. When I joined the first time, Damien was just a baker who’d been abandoned by his mother, and had a serial killer father. By the time he left, he had like, 3 long-lost siblings, was apparently involved in sex trafficking, spent some years in a psych ward, and was also a semi-popular musician despite being confined to the RPG’s town. O is honestly a very understanding owner, but refuses to be taken advantage of, and Damien didn’t like that.

But the catalyst was his harassment of someone via Snapchat for simply liking O’s status or something of that nature. She approached him with this information, and gave him a chance to explain his side, but he avoided her for quite some time (because, as I stated, he’s a little bitch) and when she finally gave him an ultimatum, he came at her stating that she was a shitty owner and everyone hated her, etc. etc. and trying his darned best to make it his mic-drop moment when really he was being an irrational idiot. He was really just mad that O didn’t let him do whatever the hell he wanted, and made it seem like that made her a tyrant. Imagine being in a group and signing rules that have made it work for several years at this point, only to think you are above them.

His current LI in his RPG was a former member of this RPG as his sister role after I left and I’d confided in her the things I’d dealt with, and she seemed to agree that he WAS controlling. Funny that despite this, she chose to follow suit (likely being manipulated by him) and join Ludo’s group anyway. When he made his current group, it was also no secret that he’d give people shit for not leaving RPG for his, despite all the bullshit he spews about being drama-free and not talking poorly about other groups.

I’m happy I never gave Damien my rl information, but I’d seen receipts of him harassing people on rl social media on more than one occasion. The most he did was try to give me a sample of his sub-par music that I didn’t listen to because, as I stated, real life conversation makes me cringe. Every one of the things said below share a common narrative, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for Damien’s bullshit to this day, but whatever.

Damien, do better and stop blaming your issues on your trauma. I’ve tried to become a better person IN SPITE of mine. The way you gaslight and use people is disgusting, and I think it displays issues beyond what life as dealt you.

p.s. I’m sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I sent it via mobile and didn’t look back to fix any typos and such.

xoxo, Someone who didn’t fall for his bullshit. Cheers.

#testimony #ludo #you're good! thank you so much for this testimony #and thank you for sharing your story

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alo-piss-trancy · 5 years

Note

What would be some Grell omorashi headcanons?

Quick Note: I tend to use she/her for Gr/ell and hc her as a tra/ns wo/man, but I also understand between canon sources, non-canon char interviews, author intentions, dif cultural views, The time period the canon takes place in vs. The year the media was published vs. Our current time now changing views/terms, it's ALL a giant clustertruck question mark blob. So feel free to hc Gre/ll differently, be that a very feminine ga/y man or b/i or nonb/inary or whatever, I genuinely don't mind how anyone hcs characters and fan content does not affect my enjoyment of canon in any way. I'm never gonna pick fights and claim somebody's playing with their imaginary Barbie wrong lmao, kindergarteners know better than that

Now to the actual ask:

ANON I LOVE YOU!!! Gr/ell is one of my fav chars EVER but I never get to talk about her hhhhh ❤❤❤

I've had 8 dang years to think about this so enjoy a varied selection 😼 I'm sorry in advance bc half of these are very lemony oops

General:

* Reapers have stronger bladders than humans (in terms of capacity/general strength), but they're still much weaker than a demon's (goes for all bodily functions tbh. Demons don't really have any, the only reason they would need to go is if they chose to partake in occasional food/drink, and could easily hold it for weeks or even months at a time). A reaper can probably hang in there with a full bladder for a day or two if very determined, less if they've had any strong diuretics/alcohol (I imagine the humans' stuff is p weak tho and barely gets them buzzed).

* Gr/ell's bladder is stronger than a newbie like Ro/nald's, but weaker than someone like W/ill's. Mostly bc she's frequently drinking unhealthy stuff and has no problem up and ditching to pee as soon as she's tired of waiting.

* Not bladdershy in the slightest, and not dysp/horic either. (While she wants a womb/too look more womanly, she also seems fairly content with her body and even takes pride in it in several scenes.) The only time I could see her getting nervous/locking up is if she had a really bad day or felt extra self-conscious, and it wouldn't be a very severe condition.

* She doesn't like going in weird/gross places because she is a Beautiful Lady With Standards, thank you very much. If she has absolutely no choice she'll suck it up and pee in an alley like the commoner humans, but she will complain about it for the next few years at every opportunity.

* That being said she's also a huge hypocrite, and if the situation was reversed would immediately snap at someone like W/ill or Ro/nald to just go in the alley already instead of failing to hide their desperation on the job. You bunch of damn babies, grow a pair.

* If she needs to be serious/doesn't want ppl to know, she can hide desperation fairly well (a little clumsy/flushed and sweaty, but that could be mistaken as her normal goofy behavior), masking how bad it really is until she's a minute from wetting herself.

* If she doesn't care and wants to complain though, she's obvious af. Whines and gripes the whole time, full-blown potty dance to garner sympathy, legs crossed and bouncing, everything. By the time she gets to the suspiciously e/rotic moans ppl usually hurry to find her a bathroom/yell at her to leave lol

* There have definitely been times when Gre/ll used going to the bathroom as an excuse to ditch work for a LONG time or took many frequent smaller breaks to do her nails/read magazines/flirt with Seb, etc. Needless to say, this backfires terribly the one time she actually does have to go because W/illiam definitely isn't putting up with her bs no matter how much she begs or squirms. He's even madder at her when he realizes he'll have to clean the floor. If she wasn't so mad/embarrassed herself, she'd have taken joy in his karma and gladly told him to suck her d/ick.

* That's def not the first time W/ill's seen her desperate or piss herself. As young stud reapers in training I guarantee G/rell got shitfaced at company parties on more than one occasion (or just went out drinking the night before work on a weekday lol). Frequently showed up for field work having to pee every other hour and driving him nuts c':

* She and Ma/dame Red definitely fooled around a couple of times (she's the only woman Gr/ell's ever been attracted to) . Maybe Gr/ell already had the kink and brought it up, or maybe Red saw Gr/ell squirming and asked (insisted) she let her watch until she lost control, but either way things got dirty real quick lmao. Red slapped a demon's ass in the same room as her nephew, she's dom AF (and inappropriate lmao). G/rell's a giant masochist/sadist combo. Do the math 👀👌��

* I personally love the concept of her ending up desperate after inviting herself along and crashing one of C/iel and Seb/astian's missions and just being miserable the whole time trying to hide it. Because she def can't embarrass herself in front of B/assy, but even worse she will NOT prove she has to take a potty break before some human kid. Naturally, C/iel being the complete brat and posessive bitch he is, immediately picks up on her predicament and torments her the whole time/makes a fool of her without letting Seb know the real issue. She can't lay a finger on him because she'd be Dead and she can't whine for B/assy to get him to stop bc that would mean explaining her problem so it just keeps escalating in comedic fashion. (This isn't even an omo hc really sorry lol, I just love any plot with those two bickering like petty babies as rivals for Seb's attention, even better if Ci/el consistently pulls one over on her and is the more mature one. You killed my aunt and then tried to steal my butler, Get Rekt Bitch )

* In any aus where she isn't hooking up with Red or trying to get Seb, I ship her hard with Un/dertaker (they're my otp actually don't judge me). In those he's actually the one with a massive piss kink and she's weirded tf out at first, but I mean if ur bf already eats dog biscuits and sleeps in a coffin u can probs learn to live with it. She indulges him periodically and he spoils her rotten afterwards. (I actually had several fic ideas for those two back in the day. One day maybe I'll finally get around to it).

* No matter what she draws a hard line at drinking it. No thank you. Golden showers are a maybe but they better have some gr8 shampoo to scrub her luxurious hair with afterwards.

* Wetting herself in that too small choir outfit from s1 that basically made short shorts and a crop top? P l e a s e

Dom G/rell:

* Has totally tried to pin Seb down/trap him somewhere and use his increasing desperation as leverage to get what she wants since he's too proper to wet himself. It probably doesn't work bc he's crafty and also could just throw her across the room, but u know. Points for trying.

* When someone lets her dom them willingly she's an absolutely sadistic fiend. W/ill completely torment them until they're begging and broken, and they have to pleasure her first before she'll show any mercy and allow them to let go. That said, she's got an almost sweet tone to anything she says and is very affectionate the whole time. It's a dichotomy that leaves any subs an absolute wreck. Her absolute fav part is watching ppl squirm and start to leak, it's cute.

* She also likes doing the whole fake sympathy play, where everything nice she says makes it 20x worse for the sub. Poor babies ❤

* Making out so they can't say anything no matter how desperate they are, just writhing underneath her with their whimpers muffled in her mouth? Perfection.

* Slowly pressing her boot into someone's abdomen is her signature move.

Sub Gr/ell:

* Loves the whole humiliation aspect and being all squirmy and nervous in front of (S/EBASTIAN) people, struggling to hide her problems and act casual but knowing her face is flushed red.

* When it gets really bad she gets super whiny and submissive, whimpering and moaning and really playing up the vulnerable aspect. Look how pitiful she is, it would be oh so easy for them to have their way with her~ (and then she bats her eyelashes and they just glare ajdkgk stop fucking around G/rell this is a Serious Scene we talked about this before we started)

* Sometimes she does public holds or gets desperate before a mission/visit just so she can see how long she can get away with it before she has to cave/people get suspicious. It's k/inky, exh/ibitionist, and oh so delicious~

* Lives for (S/EBASTIAN) the dom to get mad and disappointed in her, verbally berating her for not being more composed and embarrassing them in public, manhandling her as she's dragged somewhere more secluded to get ahold of herself, being teased and poked and prodded all while they're sneering in her ear. She wants to feel like the dirtiest, most ashamed and nervous person alive for such a simple need, knowing it's going to come out eventually no matter how hard she tries to be Good, having to beg and plead with teary eyes only to be denied access to the bathroom and told to suck it up and hold it.

* She really liked her original disguise/persona from the Ma/dame Red Days for this exact reason. Could be as shy and stuttery as possible and really play it up, got bossed around/teased by everyone, it was great. Totally got desperate once or twice so 'he' could beg Seb/astian to use the manor bathroom and get pitied. If he 'tripped' and just so happened to lose control and start crying, well, that couldn't be helped...

#omocute #omorashi #fandomo #fictomo #bear gets a letter #kuro omo

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http-anti · 7 years

Text

Bipolar Disorder & Anxiety (Rant/Educational Post)

So, before I begin, I want everyone to know that this is going to be a rant about a mix of family issues, Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety. Know that this is from personal experience, so please don’t attack me saying I’m “wrong”. This is simply what I have experienced. Not everyone has had the same experiences as me.

This is going to be long. I’m sorry.

The reason I’m writing this is because I have a mother who claims she is accepting of mental disorders but has handled things in the worst way with me. She has indirectly asked me to suppress what I feel because it doesn’t suit her wants and needs and because it is “ridiculous”, “immature”, “overreacting”, “over dramatic”, “whiny”, etc. After I finally decided to open up to her about how I felt, I was immediately shot down and have been dragged into the depths of my mental illnesses because of one simple person. As a kid, you turn to your parents for support, but what happens when they do the exact opposite?

I’m going to be graduating from high school next year and as someone with Anxiety, I need more time to prepare myself before directly going off to University/College. This has also been recommended by my therapist, but my mother refuses to believe that I could make good use of a gap year and thinks I’m going to sit on my ass and do nothing. She doesn’t trust me. She says that if I do, she will kick me out of the house if I don’t do what she wants, which is to pursue my studies right after high school.

Time and time again she has yelled at me for having panic attacks and has ridiculed me in public and in front of family because of how I have reacted to certain things or how I have felt. She has disregarded my feelings in multiple situations just to benefit herself. And, of course, who could forget her taking nearly a year to actually accept that her own daughter could be as imperfect and flawed by Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder. She has hidden it from the family and from friends because she is ashamed. (Mind you, I am using her words here).

And then, when I choose not to talk to her about certain things, she gets mad. Even over the stupidest of things she gets mad. I am to blame for everything, of course, because as soon as you have a mental illness, everything that happens in your life is their fault, right? She claims that I use my mental illnesses as an excuse to get out of situations when in reality, I actually physically can’t go into those situations without hyperventilating and crying.

I am about a year away from being an adult and she treats me as though I know nothing. She treats me as though she knows me better than I know myself when I have lived for years in silence with these conditions and contemplated what to do with them. I did my own research, educated myself, and had to beg her to allow me to have a therapist because I was tired of feeling alone.

But not everyone has that opportunity. Not everyone can get the help and sometimes, even just the small everyday things that people do can help someone with these mental illnesses.

So, please, don’t be like my mom. Be considerate, at the very least. We’re human, too.

If you actually want to know more about Anxiety and BPD, there’s a whole bunch of stuff under the cut that you can read up on, such as advice and what people experience with these illnesses.

If you actually took the time to read any of this, even if it isn’t everything under the cut…

Thank you.

Firstly, I’d like to talk about my experience with BPD (Bipolar Disorder) and Anxiety. If anyone is curious, this could possibly be educational for you, I don’t know. In my experience, Bipolar Disorder alone is a bitch, but mixed with anxiety is even more of a bitch. With BPD, you have extreme highs and extreme lows, as well as periods of intense anger. You could go from a state of euphoria where you feel at your best, where you want to start several things at once, want to go out with friends, feel good an motivated and feel like you could party for days. And then there are the depressive episodes where you feel, well, depressed. You have no motivation, you have self-deprecating thoughts, you lack appetite and energy, you feel horrible all the time, etc. And then there are periods of anger where you are pissy, annoyed, or full-on angry at situations, things or people for even unexplainable reasons. These periods could last days like they could last weeks or even months at a time and are entirely unpredictable. They could even make your mood shift at any given moment. This, of course, affects your every day life and, unfortunately, a lot of the relationships you have with people.

My experience with Anxiety isn’t any better. Anxiety isn’t just being nervous about something, it’s like taking that mixed with fear and cranking it up to eleven. It’s having irrational fears and thoughts about even the simplest of situations like making a phone call or asking for help at a store. It’s being unable to make appointments for yourself or not being able to cross the street alone, or being unable to order food. It’s reciting things in your head several billion times, whether that’s a simple greeting or a conversation with someone. It is much, much more than being nervous. Some people go as far as having panic attacks, which are even less fun. Your body overheats and your breathing is uneven. It feels like someone is constricting your air passages as your head swarms with negative thoughts. Some even think that panic attacks can kill them – which they cannot. You begin to shake and cry and hyperventilate and it is one of the worst feelings on the planet. This, of course, causes people’s lives to slow down or even come to a full stop. It prevents them from doing things and putting themselves out there, as it has done to me. However, in my case, I am simply slower than everyone else.

It’s as I said, this is my experience.

Now that this has been said, let me move onto the next part. If you are friends with someone who has either of these or are a parent who has a kid like this, or you even just know someone with either of these mental illnesses; DON’T. FORCE. ANYTHING. ON. THEM. Especially in the case of Anxiety, forcing someone to do something that they feel they aren’t capable of doing makes them feel powerless, useless, weak, etc. It won’t help anyone. Instead, try to understand their point of view, make them feel like they can talk to you about it and explain what they are thinking/feeling. This will allow you to take a different approach which is much more beneficial for the both of you. You can then work on trying to find an alternative, or you can help them reach the goal they are trying to achieve.

Suggest things to them rather than forcing things onto them. Don’t tell them things like “you haven’t been out in days, you should go outside”. Instead, maybe offer to do something with them. “Want to go out for ice cream later today?” “The weather is so nice! Would you like to take a walk with me?”, things like that. Ask them if they’ve drank or eaten, and if they haven’t, don’t get mad at them for it. This just makes them upset and makes them want to recoil. Instead, remain calm with them and offer them a small glass of water or a snack that is nutritious and easy to eat. Maybe eat with them, too. If they are silent, don’t force them to speak. Maybe just talk about pleasant subjects. Talk about your day, but pick a light subject that might make them feel more comfortable. They may choose to join in on the conversation. Maybe even ask them a few lighthearted questions to make them feel included and let them know you are interested and you care.

If their mood changes drastically, don’t question it. Don’t begin to interrogate them and make them feel like they are obligated to give you an answer. You can ask if they are feeling alright, but if they give you a simple answer such as “I don’t know” it could simply be that they truly do not know. You could also ask if there is anything they need or if there is something they would prefer to do. Keep it low key and maybe watch a nice movie to distract them.

If someone is having a panic attack, do not begin asking them loads of questions. This person’s mind is in panic mode, which means they do not have the patience nor the rationality to answer a questionnaire. If they enjoy being held, hold them close and get them away from people; being stared at can increase the panic. Engage in soothing gestures such as rubbing circles on their back and ask them to try and follow a steady breathing pattern. Try to guide them back to normalcy. A good breathing pattern is to breathe in slowly through the nose, hold for three seconds, and then breathe out through the mouth. Repeat the process as much as necessary. Once they have passed through the attack, speak softly to them. Do not bark commands or use a severe tone. Do not get mad at them for this happening because they cannot control them. Do not ask them to try and supress their anxieties and DO NOT supress panic attacks, it is unhealthy. Begin to talk to them about concrete things. Ask them what they can see, feel, smell, ect. This will help ground them. Also, try to constrict the amount of noise. Loud noises can increase anxiety levels.

I know, this is a lot of information to take in, and I will stop here so I don’t overwhelm anyone. But if you are reading through this, thank you. You are taking the time to help someone you care for, or even a stranger in need.

I, and the rest of the people who have these mental illnesses, are extremely grateful for the efforts you put in to help.

Don’t give up. You can do this. I believe in you.

#i felt the need to write this #because most people around me don't know how to handle my mental illnesses #or don't care to find out #and just tear me down for it #anxiety #bipolar disorder #rant #educational post #personal

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filmery · 7 years

Text

Stream of Consciousness

from Iron Man

****WATCH OUT FOR LOTS OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS****

fav marvel opener- flipping comic book pages -never read any whoops

no one is wearing black- back in black

sexist- driver woman

rdj is =iron man

peace sign kid holds- he dies so thats why tony does peace sign

"older guy cant work camera" clishe

uggggh shaky camera

why was he with the troops/ not in helicopter?

zoom into bomb fast- GREAT fast comedic moment just before sadness

he shud not have been conscious after explosion that close

WTF IS THAT UNDER HIS SHIRT WTF- IFITS ARMOR IT SHULD PROTECT HIM

al quaeda to soon

so hes steve jobs- made a frikin computer in his garage

ewww rbj with no beard- bad cgi :( cant u just shave and get over urself?

yes weapons are the key to peace hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahaha

rip terrence howard as rhody

"too cool for award" cliche

"bald guy is bad" cliche

"hes always working" uhhh besides a few montages.... no he really just parties

only talks to cute girls....... uggggh

military funding? ha more like military debt ahahahahah 20 trillion is iron mans fault

jarvis is wing man after one night stand???? idve thought hed think tony was cheating lol

"girl wakes up with just guys shirt" cliche

"guy wakes up and leaves before girl wakes up" cliche

cat fight ha+2 points

literal and figurative island haha

so tony aint smart, he just uses jarvis

he obvi doesnt know how t4he faa works

i was gonna get REAL mad if tony didnt buy a painting cuz it was "too expensive" but we good

tonys a dick

yet pepper finds him attractive

ksorry

yaaaas rhody calling him a baby cuz he FING IS

im pretty sure laser shows in airplanes are illegal

"im not drinking them gets drunk" cliche

in my opinion from what ive collected, you cant be feared AND respected. fear takes over and you do things based on fear, not fromrespect - also how will blowing up people help them respect you? unless youre talking about getting respect from those u protect and those u kill cuz thats completely differeent then

"i respectfully disagree" or do you "fearfully disagree"

starts out as all techno talk, then turns into baby talk wtf

that shock wave conviently stopped right after it hit them

montage of painful surgeyr cliche

ewww that pipe in his nose as groooooooss

"dont do that but dontexplain" cliche

the dude cant understand english how did he know that tony refused????

why tf wouldnt u test it ANYWHERE BUT THE MIDDLE EAST?????

why cant they just wait and order the missile

k so this scene is srs and all but WATCHING HIM CARRYING THE CAR BATTERY IS SOOOO FuNNY I CANT

"no he wont" OK NOW U CANT UNDERSTAND U POS

"theyll never find u" cliche

why is his friend here?

how does he know how to build it? tbh he probs just had jarvis do it back home

how does the gov not know hes selling weapons to terrorists? we cant be that corrupt can we?

so hes building his ring thing but they DONT FING NOTICE THATS THERES NO MISSILES AT AlL??????

and they didnt question them the entire time

lemme peek but not go in and investigate

"i have steady hands" and then he crashes his car and LOOK! Doctro strange!

when a speech starts with a history lesson, u know its been rehearsed u poser

honestly... hot coal in mouth- worst way to die fml

props to marvel for not telling how fast theyre moving so i cant bust them for not being able to get it done

why the circle around the chest thing

wouldt one of their rules to be able to see u at all times

ctrl i is italicize hahahaha

why did the lights shut off but no the clearly hookedup laptop?

i enjoy the rock music as background music- not ur stereotypical ( yet awesome) hans zimmer score

yaaaaaas bitches run

gun shootsthen rebounds onto him- pretty sure thats not how physics work

if anyone should die, its tony tbh that whiny bithc

-2 for killing an actual good guy

how does not one of those bullets penetrate his suit?

----not enough use of the word penetreate

k no theyd keep shooting

tony: everythings on fire and im dying

ouchie that giant fall

how does he know hose helis are good?

DONT TOUCH HIS SUNBURNT AND BLISTERING SHOULDERS RHODY EWWWW

+2 for cheeseburger yas

-2 for burger king ew

doesnt sheild deal with aliens not terrorists?

newsreels? hes not THAT old

+10000 for ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILTY WOOOOO

k hes obvi doing the best thing here and now everyone gets pissed for him TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLES LIVES EHY IS THAT BAD?????? HE ALREADY HAS a shit otn of money LET HIM BE

fuck u and ur segway obidiah

the other thing..... dont put ur name on it

jokes on u! it was alqueade

+100 for mad money reference!!!!!

...so pepper didnt know about it so whyd he blame her for .3 seconds?

pepper is useless omg PUT YOUR HANDS IN HIS CHEST

why did he say dont take out the magnet but all of a sudden u dont need it?

i wonder if they actually built robots for tonys btterfingers

rhodeys we need pilots speech was just proven again by the aircraft landing in the hudson

so non military= humanitarian now? and if so why that bad?

honestly surprised that jarvis isnt some hot lady voice

k raza with sunglasses= morpheus

why is the mask the most vital part for raza?

tony crashing into wall is why u should ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET KIDS

obadiah is NOT playing the piano

+2 for not trusting obidiah

daaaamn if thats 1% whats 100% capacity

and he still doesnt wear a helmet

k his eye holes are so small how can he actually see?

run before walking leads to lots of problems later in life tony

at leaast he checked atc

goddammkit u made smol child drop ice cream

beginners luck

rip that baby grand he probs didnt know how to play

+2 for that fire extinguisher

+50 for Pepper being a cutie with that gift

how does tony not have his liscence revoked? hes a shit driver and can hire a chaffeur

STAN LEE BABE

RIP COLESON OMG :'(

so just fire pepper and marry her

pepper is totally right and tony should seperate who actually matter to him

how is a lot of olives 3?

im not my company- THEN TAKE UR NAME OFF HOE

no, modern day hell s walking those 15 miles and watching a car and heli and camera lady who are fine and can get there in 20 minutes

i sincerely hope that these footages were planned and not real

is this the news or a documentary?

just realized he never gave pepper her drink lol

yeah, let the kids watch their dad get shot thats fine omg

after that hit, he looks like a lion

why did he say colonel rhodes form weapons development? that name isnt that common

there was 0 time for radio contact omg

the only thing i could think during this scene was SERPENTINE SERPENTINE SERPENTINE

k now im getting a lil tired of the electric guitar

finally obi has been outted geez

im feeling some west side story WITH snaps

why is raza telling obi what he ALREADY KNOWS CUZ THEYVE BEEN IN CONTACT

how has no one noticed that obi just GOES TO THE MIDDLE EAST LIKE ALL THE TIME

this scene between pepper and tony is THE MOTHER of cliched lines

WHY DIDNT SHE SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER STUPID WEIRDO

he tried to push his hair back hahahaHAHAHAHAHhaha

not scraps obi.... he had his own stuff

im just imagining obi hidig under toys couch haha

that dick took his shirt!!!

yaas beethoven reference

props to makeup people for his paralysis on point!

sorry but paralysis seems to me like U CANT FING MOVE TONY

i thought the old reactor needed a magnet

OF ALL THE CARS TO STEAL RHODY YOU STEAL THE AUDI

goddman all these chains

JUMP SCARE COMING HAHA I KNEW IT

-2 awful jump scare

yes middle age mom- honk at the GIANT FING ROBOT

nooo not the hydrogen powered bus!

gooood iron freezes before stainless tell

daaamn obi is a real bad shot

and radiation now floods the malibu land area and thosands are illed thanks to tonys reactor

sk glad hes corrected the mediait aint iron

coleson never briefed tham

that was longer than 90 seconds

iron man- STOP TRYING TO BE BATMAN

great ending 10/10

affter credit scene: 10/10 avengers yay

#film critic #tony stark #iron man #filmery #stream of consciousness

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carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich · 7 years

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Diabolik Lovers Lost Eden Shin Tsukinami route summary

So my copy of Lost Eden arrived recently and I thought I’d start off with my favourite character’s route. I haven’t seen much on Shin’s route so I thought I might as well share what happens. Warning for massive spoilers below the cut. Also my Japanese is super beginner and I got fed up of looking up kanji non-stop and ended up just going for it, so unfortunately I can’t vouch for my accuracy and some bits are guess work on my part. I tried my best and will update this when I’ve gone through it and looked up more of the kanji, if you notice I’ve got anything wrong or have anything to add, please let me know politely ^^

Possible triggers for blood and illness, and general dialovers shenanigans nothing too serious here though, I don’t think. With all that out the way, let’s go!

So in this Yui has been living with the Tsukinamis for a while. She’s chosen to be with Shin and Carla’s condition has seriously deteriorated, though he’s trying to hide it.

The dark situation parts are just Shin and Yui around the Tsukinami house in the demon world. In the first one Yui falls asleep and mutters Shin’s name, he finds her and there’s some teasing involved and some kissing. In the second one, Yui finds herself with a blindfold on and she doesn’t know where she is. Shin bites her. She thinks she’s been kidnapped until she recognises Shin’s touch. He takes the blindfold off and they kiss. In the third, she’s out on the roof enjoying the feeling of the wind. Shin joins her and she tells him the wind feels nice. He then locks her out on the balcony and it starts raining. He won’t let her back in until she says something about him making her feel good (general dialovers blood sucking stuff). Eventually he opens the doors and starts sucking her blood and gets her to say it feels good (I think she might pass out at the end or something, I’m not 100% sure. The screen goes black and you hear Shin’s voice). In the fourth, Yui’s wondering in the garden, think about Carla and Shin. Shin finds her they talk about something and he makes her think he’s going to bite her. He kisses her instead.

Shit starts to hit the fan in the story parts. Carla starts having some sort of fever dream, and sees Giesbach (his father). Shin goes to wake him up but Carla’s still partly dreaming and then starts to strangle Shin. Fortunately he wakes up in time and snaps himself out of it, but Shin realises that he got some of Carla’s blood on a wound (I think, well he definitely got some on him anyhow) and promptly freaks out because Endzeit (the disease Carla’s got) is spread through blood and is absolutely fatal to first bloods. He goes to wash it off and tell himself it’ll be fine, even though you can tell he doesn’t believe it. Carla then sends Shin and Yui to the human world (I’m not 100% sure on why he does this, I’ll play through and update later when I’ve looked up some of the kanji). So Shin and Yui go to the human world and Shin’s still acting weird and fretting over the fact he thinks he’s got Endzeit. Yui notices he’s acting weirdly, goes to check up on and he takes out his frustration on her (this is where is route preview comes from, I’ve seen some people wondering if he rapes her, just to clarify I’m fairly certain he doesn’t, he forces some kisses on her and rips her clothes a bit but that’s all). After this incident they have a bit of a heart to heart. You get occasional flashes to Carla and see his condition is deteriorating (I actually thought he died at this point but turns out he just coughed a lot and collapsed). At some point in this section you also find out that Subaru’s taken over as head of the family (I believe he’s inherited Karlheinz’s powers in this route) and it isn’t going so well >_< In the manic prologue, Shin meets Kino at Kamimoshi tower (I couldn’t tell if this was arranged or just an accident, or what really transpired, sorry >_<) from what I could tell, Kino was a troll and Shin got pissed. Yui heads over to the Sakamaki house to talk to Reiji (Ayato and Laito show up briefly to say “Hey chichinashi/bitch-chan” before disappearing for the rest of the route). Reiji tells her that Subaru isn’t in a particularly good way and I believe he asks her to stay or at least to speak to him. Yui refuses and asks Reiji about Endzeit, he tells her a bit about it. Yui thanks them and leaves before going back to Shin. She tells him what she learned about Endzeit and possible brought back a book.

The maniac situation parts were adorable. In the first one Yui and Shin leave the Tsukinami house in the human world and go to the city. I believe Shin threatens to suck her blood in public, but he was just teasing. They end up kissing in the street. In the second one they go for a walk in the woods but it suddenly gets really foggy. Yui loses sight of Shin. He finds her and they kiss again ♡＾▽＾♡ In the third one Yui’s in the kitchen making something. Shin turns up and is being all whiny. Yui apologies to him (I guess he was getting hungry or something, I don’t know). He then bites her as a punishment. Yui says she loves Shin and he continues sucking her blood. In the last one, Yui’s in the kitchen again, this time she’s making cookies with nuts in them. She tries to reach something but is too short. Shin comes in and she talks to him, I think she knocks something in process, cause Shin yells and grabs her and then there’s the sound of stuff falling over. Shin seems kind of shook up (I think he was worried about her dying or something) but they talk for a bit before making out yet again.

But of course the fluff can’t stick around for too long and we descend into the chaos that is the maniac story parts. Shin wants to go back to Carla and so Shin and Yui head back to the demon world. On their way to see Carla they head to Eden, where they find the Mukamis and stay with them for a bit. The Mukami’s reveal Eden is in a bad way because Subaru’s mindset isn’t great. Shin still thinks he’s got Endzeit, but with the information he got from Yui, he found out that one of the symptoms was the dark blotches on the body (I believe this was covered in Carla’s route in dark fate). He goes to the bathroom to check himself out but he seems to be fine. Rather than feel relieved he just feels unsettled because with the time that passed since he came into contact with Carla’s blood, they should have appeared by now. Shin then remembers all the times he’s come into contact with people with Endzeit and realises that he probably should have caught it ages ago. He’s wondering just what this means when Yui walks in on him and then they have a hug (there’s a CG here).

Shin wants to go back to Carla but is worried about taking her with him so he asks Ruki to look after her. He then leaves without saying goodbye to Yui. Shin runs through the forest and wonders if the fact he hasn’t caught Endzeit means he might not actually be a first blood (which is a big deal considering pretty much his whole mindset is built around his pride as a first blood and given that Carla’s about to die, he’s counting on Shin to carry on the first blood lineage). On the way he gets attacked by the vibora (I think they’ve started working with Kino, I don’t know >_<) he passes out in a cave and Kino finds him and drags him off to a dungeon. Yui overhears the Mukamis talking (I think they say something about Shin dying) and Yui begs them to let her go after Shin. They refuse and lock her in a room in Eden. In the meantime, Reiji tells Subaru something about Yui (I think he got a letter from Ruki telling him that yui was in Eden). Subaru heads to Eden and busts Yui out so she can go and find Shin. In Kino’s dungeon, Kino taunts Shin and leaves him with the vibora king (I think his name has been romanised as Zweig?). The vibora king, tells Shin something about his mother, I believe it’s that she had relations with the prince of the wolf tribe. Of course given that Shin’s already unsure he’s really a first blood, this just makes it worse and he has a complete freak out that he may not be Carla’s real brother and such. Shin then has some sort of conversation with Kino and convinces him to let him go. They then head to the Tsukinami residence in the demon world. At the same time all this is going on, Carla leaves (I think he goes looking for Shin) and encounters the vibora. Now I’m not too sure what happens here cause in the ecstasy story parts you see Carla’s staying with the vibora but I couldn’t quite work out why. I don’t think he’s a prisoner because he’s not in a dungeon but I can’t see why else he’d stay with them. If anyone could help to clear this up for me, it would be much obliged.

So after that shit storm, we have the ecstasy prologue in which Yui meets up with Shin and Kino. Shin immediately runs to Yui and they hug. Kino, as always, is a bit of a jerk. They head over to the Tsukinami house to find Carla’s gone and Shin freaks out.

The first few situation parts here weren’t as cute as the maniac ones because Shin’s angsty due to all the stuff that’s happened so far (I don’t blame him at this point I was a mess too). In the first one Yui goes into Shin’s room, she says something to set him off and he starts yelling about Carla and the vibora (think there may have been a reference to the incident with his eye in there). He seems to calm down a bit but then decides to get kind of intimate with Yui. I’m not sure exactly what happens but there’s some licking (from the sounds of it). I did actually look up some of the kanji for this one but there were multiple meanings that made sense but imply different levels of what might happen so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the second one, Yui goes to Shin’s room but he’s not there. She then goes out and finds him in the garden moping about Carla again. Yui says she wants to be useful to him, so what does he do? He bites her and sucks her blood. Yui says she loves him again and Shin says she really is a soft-hearted person. Shin gives her a small kiss from the sounds of it. In the third one Yui wakes up in Shin’s room. I think Yui says she’s thirsty and Shin then takes a sip of some water that was on the nightstand and then kisses Yui so she drinks it from his mouth (*^_^*) They talk for a bit and then Shin gives her good morning kisses. In the last one, Shin invites Yui to sleep in his room. They say goodnight and Yui starts to drift off but Shin can’t sleep so Shin calls out to Yui, I believe he says that he can’t sleep cause she’s there. He then kisses her or something and it tickles. And I believe they end up cuddling.

In the story parts, Shin finds some sort of documents about his mother visiting the prince of the wolf clan while she was married (seems like it at least implies an affair) and Shin starts to think that he may actually be the son of the prince of the wolf clan. He tells Yui about this and she comforts him and they have a hug while Shin’s having this sort of mental breakdown. Oh course frickin Kino finds out about this and is like “Oh so Tsukinami Shin isn’t actually a first blood” and was generally a bit of a dick. Shin and Yui head over to vibora territory where they meet up with Carla in the vibora king’s house. Carla is practically dead at this point and tells Shin that he needs to carry on the first blood lineage. Of course Shin thinks he isn’t a first blood and goes to tell Carla, but Yui signals that now isn’t the right time (not really the sort of thing you want to tell someone on their deathbed). Carla then collapses and Yui and Shin head downstairs (I thought he’d died again cause his sprite faded and I couldn’t understand why they were so calm). And then cause Kino’s a complete jerkface he goes into Carla’s room and is like “oh by the way Shin isn’t actually a first blood.” (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻ Like why would you do that?!? If I understood correctly he just did it cause he thought it would be funny!!! I mean I guess that if Carla then killed Shin in a rage before promptly dropping dead with Endzeit then Kino could have Yui but if that was his plan, I didn’t pick up on it. Carla goes down to where Shin and Yui are and this is where the endings come in.

In the Brute end Carla pulls out a knife and tells Shin to die before stabbing him. He says that Shin can make up for deceiving him by dying. Yui holds Shin as he dies and Shin apologies to Carla. Shin thanks Yui and tells her he loves her (;﹏;) Yui tells Shin she loves him. Shin apologises with his final breath and dies. I think Carla kills the Vibora here too. Yui’s holding Shin’s body and crying and then frickin Kino appears. Kino tries to persuade Carla to go to Rotigenburg (something about being able to treat Endzeit). Carla’s having none of it and kills him, he then tells Yui to go but she’s still holding Shin’s dead body. He drags her off while she’s still shouting Shin’s name. Carla then takes her to Rotigenburg (I guess it was just in case Kino was telling the truth). From what I could tell, Kino was right about the fact that Endzeit could be treated in Rotigenburg... But he what he didn’t mention is that the reason it can be treated is because Carla turns into a ghoul and it doesn’t affect him anymore. But now all the first bloods are gone. If I read the last bit right, I think Carla was planning to kill himself (I could be wrong here) and asked his father to forgive him.

In the Manservant end it starts off just like the brute end with Carla pulling out a knife. He says something about Shin having dirty blood and taking him with him. Carla pulls Shin to the floor.Shin tries to tell him to stop and that it’s a misunderstanding but Carla isn’t listening. Carla tells Shin to die. There’s the sound of stabbing, Shin screams and shouts but then it sounds like Carla’s dying?!? Shin shouts for him over and over again but Carla’s dead. I can only guess that Shin struggled and ended up killing Carla by accident. Shin goes nuts and starts laughing. He says something about killing Carla and killing the last first blood. Shin then gets up and starts killing the vibora. He’s completely lost it at this point and just shouts “Die!” over and over again along with laughing manically. Then Kino shows up and reveals he told Carla and asks if Shin is going to kill him. He goes on about how Shin isn’t a first blood and that he’s just killed them off. Shin stabs Kino but Kino starts laughing and taunts Shin some more. Shin stabs him while telling him to shut up. Kino dies and Shin’s left panting. Shin tells Yui to return to the vampires before walking away. At the end Yui turns up at the Tsukinami house I think and knocks on the door but it doesn’t open. I don’t know what happened to Shin at the end of this but this ending was a bloodbath. It wasn’t quite as traumatic as the brute ending but bloody hell was it intense.

In the Vampire end, Carla hugs Shin and tells him that he is a first blood. I think he basically says he’s leaving everything to Shin and Yui before turning into ash and dying (for real this time). Shin’s upset and Kino then comes along and tells Shin that he told Carla that Shin wasn’t a first blood. Shin then kills Kino with magic and tells him he is a first blood. Shin and Yui go to see the wolf pack and they confirm that Shin is definitely a first blood (or at least something to that effect) and clear up the whole thing completely (I’m not sure if the fact Shin never caught Endzeit is explained but oh well). Shin then goes to see Subaru in the Sakamaki house in the demon world and you see that Subaru has freed Christa (this made me so happy). I believe Shin effectively takes control of the demon world and gives an address and Subaru is the first one to start clapping, followed by Reiji (I was almost crying at this point, it was very emotional). In the final CG, Shin and Yui are having celebratory drink together. Finally Shin mentions something about Carla watching over him.

My thoughts Well that was traumatic ;-; Seriously I thought Carla died like three times before the actual ending because he’d just cough and collapse but then he’d appear later and I was just like “What are you doing here?!?”. It didn’t help that even he wondered if it was the end at times.

Anyway, that aside, I thought this route was awesome, I really loved the bit with Shin and Carla in the vampire end and I also loved the fact that Subaru got to free Christa. Shin was surprisingly sweet in some of the situation parts I thought, I mean you have the general dialovers blood sucking but there were some really nice moments. I was in Shinhell before playing this game but this just dragged me even deeper.

As a villain though, I wasn’t really sure about Kino, I mean he’d just show up at random points and then right at the end when he went and told a dying Carla about the fact that Shin might not be a first blood I was just like ლಠ益ಠ)ლ He felt more like a massive troll than a serious threat really, I guess that might be because he was never seriously after the Tsukinamis anyway. It says a lot that he dies in all three endings. I mean he was a complete idiot in them, especially the manservant end, I was like “Shin has just stabbed you and you want to taunt him some more?!?” I don’t know what he thought would happen.

I was a bit unsure on the whole “Shin may not actually be a first blood” thing. I mean it was a really good plot point and with the whole not catching Endzeit thing along with the letter, I did wonder breifly but I was never really convinced. I mean surely Carla and Giesbach would have noticed beforehand? I don’t know, I might have missed something due to all those kanji >_< but still.

Once I’ve done all the routes I’ll put them in order of my favourites but this one has set the bar high.

So sorry I wasn’t able to pick up on all of the details （◞‸◟）This should at least cover all the major points. Thanks for reading, hope you all have a great day! ｡^‿^｡

#lost eden #dialovers #diabolik lovers #shin tsukinami #lost eden spoilers #Chaos rambles

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tswatch · 7 years

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I've been depressed, and suffering from GAD for years. I'm on and off suicidal. Im seeing a therapist and I swear to God im trying to get better but it never seems to be good enough! I'm always a screw up somehow, or a major disappointment or never as good as my sister, especially in my mom's eyes. She's always commenting on everything that's wrong with me or on what I haven't done, etc. Never on what I HAVE managed to do and it's just getting worse and worse! I feel worthless - (MU17 pt. 1)

Lately I wish I’ve never been born. Im nothing but WRONG to her! These past few months have been really bad. I feel dumber and crazier every day. I’ve been skipping my therapist at times, like today, because really whats the use? My mom whines and bitches how I never get better and Im probably wasting my therapists time and all so why go? She’ll just listen to me be a whiny entitled loser and change nothing about my life so she can best use the time for another client instead right? (MU17 pt. 2)

So I cancel or try to and then it all starts. My mom threatens me, mocks me, guilt trips me. I’ve been told to either stop being a miserable loser or move out (i have no money, she laughs and says too bad when I tell her I only wish I could). She says Im throwing my education down the drain which makes no sense because I’m fighting my way through college right now!! Says I’m disrespecting my therapist, calls me a privileged brat who thinks she’s the only one with problems in the world (MU17 pt3)

And when she’s done with all that, goes on about how she and my sister have plenty of problems in their lives but choose to push through it and power on unlike idiots like me who go to bed and cry. It goes on and on, never ends! She mocks me when I say I want to kill myself. Says I’m threatening her. she and my sister are like buddies, constantly shutting themselves in rooms to complain or text about me. Always my fault, always!! Never good enough ever!! I can’t take this anymore!! (MU17 pt4)

I can’t take this anymore!! I’m 22 and trying so hard to “get my act together”. I work, I’ve been in college for 4 yr.. I haven’t killed myself yet. But no not good enough. My major is a disgrace to my mom, I can’t talk about work or I’m complaining, my GAD and depression “aren’t real” they’re as she calls it “cop outs” for me wanting to just be a pessimistic bitch. No meds allowed. She won’t even talk to my therapist unless its to complain about me!! It’s not fair!! (MU17 pt 5)

My sister has never worked a day in her life, and is all kinds of perfect. Adored and constantly talked about yet my mom claims she has no favorite. HA! What did I do wrong, where did I go wrong?! I’m so sad, I hate myself enough and my mom just reinforces how much I suck. Sometimes she tells me she yells because she cares.. That’s caring?! She says if she didn’t care id have been on the streets the moment I turned 18. That’s caring?! Am I supposed to feel better by that?! Help me. :( (MU17 pt6)

Hey it’s MU17. The annoying one who just sent in a 6 part ask?? I need help so badly, please help! It’s only getting worse, now my mom is threatening to take away the one thing that she KNOWS makes me happy unless I do what she wants. I’m tired of being controlled! Tired of her claiming she cares but then insulting and mocking me to my face and behind my back!! I can’t take this!! I know you guys are so overloaded and I have a lot of nerve but PLEASE. I’m dying and nobody hears me anymore…

Hey I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this right now. It sounds extremely frustrating and I can only imagine how overwhelmed, afraid and upset you must be.

It sounds to me like your mother and sister aren’t positive or healthy forces in your life -- I’m wondering if they’re being mean to you on purpose, or if they don’t think the effect their words have on you? Have you ever told them how they make you feel when they treat you this way? I’d suggest communicating with them, calmly, how their words can hurt you. You can say something like, “I feel ___ when you ___ because ______”. Now there’s no guarantee that they’ll listen and change, but it’s worth a shot; and if they ignore you and continue being mean, then at least you know that you’ve tried.

I also want to reassure you and promise you that you aren’t a whiny, entitled brat or a useless client, or anything like that. Therapists are there to help us. They understand that change doesn’t happen over night, or even over the course of a month or two sometimes. They are there to support, to guide, us, not to judge us. And I am sure that your therapist wants to do the same for you.

It really doesn’t seem like your mother understands mental illness and she certainly isn’t empathetic at all to your situation. It might help to get your mother in for a group session with your therapist where you and your therapist can explain to your mother, in a controlled setting, your condition and how she can support you through it. Your therapist can also help explain to your mother that you are trying and making progress. If you’d like to try medication, your therapist or a psychiatrist can talk to your mother about that too.

Please let me know how you are. I’m concerned about you and I’m sending good thoughts your way. Please hang in there and keep moving forward -- I believe in you, no matter how hard things may be right now.

- Charissa

#mu17 #charissa #support

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janehopperra · 4 years

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OOE:

So in order to take back some of the order on my blog, I’m gonna keep the tally for today’s stuff on one post, then when I’m done watching tomorrow, I’ll put that tally on here as well.

This is also to save the dashes of whoever likes to keep them clean. I apologize for the mass ooc. I just finally felt like I could safely let my saltiness over s3 run rampant.

Bad: The makeout scene Good: Will taking care of everyone in the party making sure everyone has snacks for the theatre Bad 2: Mike being a whiny brat right off the bat Good 2: Steve immediately flicking the switch on and off to spite Robin Good 3: Jane playing pranks with the party with her telekinesis. Bad 3: The Karen and Billy Thing Good 4: IT IS CONSTANT… CONSTANT. Bad 4: ‘Curfew at 4:00pm’ Bad 5: The apparent focus of Will’s character only being that he’s jealous of Mike and Jane and also that he can sense the mindflayer. literally nothing else. Bad 6: Karen and Billy Again Bad 7: Joyce eating tv dinner alone while thinking about bob :( Bad 8: Makeout scene 2.0 Good 5: Hopper yeeting himself to another plane of existence in the next room Bad 9: Mike whispering to Jane right in front of Hop ( As if I didn’t find this creepy enough ) Bad 10: I gotta admit Hop lying about Mike’s grandma is bad Good 6: Hop being an actual dad and placing boundaries between Mike and El makes up for that though. Like that needed to happen. Bad 11: Dustin being left alone at the radio tower. Bad 12: Karen??? what the fuck are you doing??? Good 7: Karen coming to her senses. Bad 13: Billy.. jfc

First episode - 7-13

Good 8: Boundary establishing actually working. Bad 14: Mike lying through his teeth, keeping the lie up even after Karen caught him in it. Bad 15: “You lie?” “What? No! Friends don’t lie!” Good 9: Hop scream singing his song in the Blazer. Bad 16: Nancy’s boss being an absolute??? Jerkwad??? They were that way in the 80′s to women yeah but yikes. Good 10: Dustin and Steve’s handshake Good 11: ‘Mike’s a piece of shit!’ Snaps fingers hell yeah he is Bad 17: ‘You don’t understand lucas! He’s lost his mind!’ How about stop??? Blaming other people??? For how you acted Mike??? You had a choice not to lie dumbass. Bad 18: The boys acting like this is some sort of battlefield where you need combat strategies when in reality you need to speak the truth. Bad 19: Them constantly leaving Will hanging, poor boy just wants to play dnd :( Bad 20: More Karen and Billy like tf Thank god Billy told her to stay away Good 12: The girls going out and having fun!!! To hell with the boys!!!! Bad 21: Joyce forgetting about Hop to solve the magnet issue ( wasn’t her fault but yeah ) Good 13: The Material Girl skit!!! The photographer session! High heels! Jane pranking the binch that rejected Dustin at the snow ball. There’s more to life than stupid boys! Bad 22: “Can we play DND now???” “NO!!!!” Bad 23: Mike trying to change the subject and recoiling when he’s caught at the mall, like he thought he would get away with the lie??? Good 14: I dump your ass. Bad 24: The face Mike makes when Jane walks away, like you’d think if he’s so??? in love he’d be at least a little more devastated??? He looks like a brat. ( No offense to the actor he’s great, the character’s a brat ) Good 15: IT’S CUTTING EDGE STUFF MAN!!! Bad 25: Hop being left at Enzo’s :((( He was so excited man Good 16: The scoops troop solving stuff. Bad 26: Hop taking the whole bottle of alcohol and leaving, kind of shit faced, DRIVES HOME SHITFACED. You’re a cop, Hop! For fuck’s sake.

Episode 2 mark - 16-26

Good 17: Jane and Max acting like best friends Bad 27: “I don’t understand what I did to deserve this why is she treating me this way I’m the victim” I honestly can’t. Bad 28: ‘We’re trying to solve the great mystery of the female species’ oh yikes. Bad 29: Hop arriving home drunk and barging into Jane’s room thinking Mike was with El and the door was closed. Bad 30: Hop.. acting like a bit of a creep and then cracking open the bottle of wine for more drinking!!! In the presence of El. After what he just did. Good 18: Honestly I think it’s kind of cool that Max and Jane have made a game utilizing Jane’s powers instead of shoving them away. Bad 31: The boys mocking Will for taking the chance to play DND. Will honey its okay Bad 32: Hopper being a weird disgusting bear, and also being kind of spiteful towards Joyce. I get she hung you up but like come on man, you know she wouldn’t do that without good reason. Bad 33: “You stand me up, no phone call no apology because you had to go to Scott Clark’s house” NOW IT’S TIME FOR HOP TO GET BASHED. Bad 34: Hop pretending to understand how Joyce thinks the magnetism loss thing was the lab then going back to being spiteful and a smartass. Bad 35: Max in denial about the Billy situation Good 19: Scoops troop being funny little shits. They’re the only pure group in this nonsense of a season. Bad 36: The boys still mocking Will during DND. Guys just humor him for fucks sake, he’s been dealing with yalls shit all summer. Bad 37: Mike recoiling when Will finally has enough of their shit and leaves. Bad 38: “You guys are never in the mood anymore! You’re destroying everything and for what, so you can swap spit with some stupid girl” “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” Honestly, low blow on both ends. Yikes. Good 20: Honestly the horror in this season is good so it gets it’s own good point for that. Good 21: Hop actually going to the lab with Joyce to soothe her worries about the magnetism loss. ( Also poor joyce remembering Bob’s death ) Good 22: The scoops troop again being on the case, only to then find out the guy they’re chasing is a yoga instructor. Good 23: Hop trying to make sure everyone feels safe and at home. Good 24: Hop opening up just a tiny bit about what he did after Sarah died, trying to relate to Joyce. Bad 39: The fact that Will felt so alone and outcasted to the point that he felt the need to tear the castle down after looking around at all the memories in it and bursting into tears. My poor lad. I’ve been in the same boat, fuck the boys honestly. Good 25: The scoops troop at it again, actually being productive in their side of the story. Bad 40: Something I just don’t get at all is the fact that Jane just.. introduces herself as El, giving herself away almost immediately. Hun, you have another name, you’re not still a number. Idk that thing just irks me. Bad 41: And again, Will just being used for the ‘woe is me/enemy locator’ trope.

Episode 3 mark - 25-41

Good 26: Max introducing the wonder woman comics to Jane after listening to her. Bad 42: Max still being in denial about Billy and Heather. Good 27: Joyce taking care of Hop, SOMEHOW dragging his ass back to the cabin. Bad 43: ThIs iS a CoDe ReD ( I don’t blame Max for turning the radio off I’d throw it across the room after all that’s happened ) Bad 44: Again. Will’s only purpose being that he senses the mindflayer– like what the fuck he could be used for so much more. Bad 45: This is just a thing– I honestly hate that we only get one scene with the hoppers and also the byers acting like a family. All that build up in season 2??? wasted. All that potential wasted. Bad 46: The mayor taking a jab at Hopper and his ‘dead daughter sob story’. Damn right you deserved that fucking punch. Good 28: Joyce pulling the phone line when the receptionist tried to call the police. Good 29: The scoops troop and their hilarity. Bad 47: Max continuing to be in complete denial over Billy’s role with the mindflayer. Good 30: “Don’t you love your country” “You can’t spell America without Erica” I love Erica so much Good 31: “I want you to forget about sales and come work for me at hawkins pd.” “And have to look at your face every day? I don’t think so.” I have to admit that was cute Good 32: Karen actually being a mom for a change and listening to and supporting Nancy. Good 33: “He made me lie, I mean–” “What if he’s right?” “No no no he’s just a crazy old man” “No, if I only see you and I’m a different species, maybe I should be with my own species more.” Bad 47: “Wait you spied on me? That’s totally against the rules!!!” Mike she’s a telekinetic who can locate people and also implode your brain. There are no rules. Good 34: “I make my own rules.” Except hers. Good 35: “If you die, I die” “Okay” Dustin’s such a ride or die bitch I love it. Bad 48: How many times has Will been used for mindflayer location? 4-5 times? Bad 49: Jane relenting when protecting herself and her friends. I’m sorry but if someone’s had a hand to her throat or face or anything she’s thrown whoever did that through a wall, caught off guard and not. Good 36: She eventually did throw Billy through a wall but still the point remains

Episode 4 mark - 36-49

Bad 50: Joyce’s bad throwing skills. Hun you’re throwing a gun not a baseball. ( jk ilu mom ) Bad 51: This terminator guy gets a bad point. I don’t think they explained him at all? Even if they did.. eh. Good 37: “Why wouldn’t he be safe? Nancy?” For once someone’s worried about the welfare of these kids. Good 38: Hop’s big butt sprawled over the Blazer gets a point. Bad 52: Hop calling Alexei Smirnoff gets an… eh point for me. Idk why it turns me off a bit. It’s a funny name and all but eh. Bad 53: The beloved Blazer exploding gets a bad point. Shame on you for killing it, st writers. Good 39: “Ill-annoy” cute. Bad 54: “ThEy’Re CoNsPiRiNg AgAiNsT mE” Not everything’s about you, Mike. Good 40: “She was making bad screams” “What’s a good scream” Max: “Doesn’t matter–” Bad 55: Hop making the joke that every man Joyce talks to must be another version of Clark. Yikes man, she burned you that bad? Good 41: “He’s a dangerous child murderer” As Alexei smiles whilst sipping his cherry icee.

#OUTOFEGGOS #so far this whole season has been yikes from start to fucking finish #Moira watches s3 #now I must go and delete the mass amounts of ooc

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