#surely this says nothing about me

[5ummit]

My Trash Exchange giftee @gunshou requested "twisted ultra-possessive fucked up codependent Hydra!Steve/Bucky" (which happens to be one of my favorite stucky dynamics) with a dash of body horror. Hopefully I delivered.

#looking at my past 3 drawings and realizing they're all centered around bucky with something on or in his mouth #surely this says nothing about me #hydra trash party #bucky barnes #steve rogers #hydra!steve #hydra cap #stucky #whump #body horror #mouth sewn shut #marvel #my art #trash squad #my first art post in almost two years #apparently the only thing that motivates me enough to finish a drawing these days is the trash exchange

[curscival]

Damn those characters who use confidence or humor as a facade to hide their crippling loneliness!

#my font of characters genuinely LOL #every character I project onto shares this trait I've realized #surely this says nothing about me #<- sarcasm #anyway I finally watched mob psycho #percy rambles

[suiheisen]

the h in nhl stands for homoerotic

bonus intricate rituals:

#this is my new fave live game :') #chiarot tried to scruff sid and my precious gigantic baby son drew said: NO!!!!!! #also it is my duty as a crazy sid/ek fan to say that after sid was freed from the box and was later back on the bench #ek who was still on ice circled back and skated towards him #and tenderly held him by the chin and said something to him (sweet dirty nothings i'm sure)... sid giggled like a schoolgirl about it #anyway. again a very good game for me sid/ek-wise #ek with his arms open waiting for his victory prize aka sid barrelling into him after the otgwg and keeping his face pressed close... #if they don't simply fuck dirty on ice during the er1k celebration... #sidney crosby #pittsburgh penguins #ben chiarot #detroit red wings #again #long post

[vcrnons]

WE ARE LIKE FLOWERS THAT BLOOM IN MAY. RAINDROP ON ME, ON ME.

#seventeen #svt #ot13 #*mine #tw flashing #svtgifs #svtsource #heymax #maddieblr #userhev #usermery #jennalook #userbexrex #userfairy #raplineuser #heyteo #userzaynab #eoieopda archive #if u happened to notice the jeonghan clip not being from april shower thats because the camera did not fix on him at all #for the whole fucking song on d2! #i rewatched it like 6 times just to make sure and NOTHING! #(if i'm wrong and there was a clip kindly dont tell me ill deactivate. thanks<3) #some of these do not look as good as the others and to that i say: cameraman is a hoonsol anti . #but i have been making these for two mf days and i'm TIRED so please just. don't talk about it ;-; #ok bye love u <3 boop

[localguy2]

I find it highly amusing how in situations where the ninja are separated/it's just the OG four, Kai and Zane immediately assume control/start spearheading the team because apparently no one else is sane enough or in the right mind to do so.

Your honour, they literally have one of the best dynamics in the show, with how they're probably the most protective people in the team. And it makes me mad how this is overlooked by the fandom and the show.

#ninjago #zane julien #kai smith #Seriously tho #Aside from Cole #They're probably the most competent to lead #In Hunted they're mainly the ones working on everything #Fixing the radio #Jay has lost his shit and Cole is pre occupied with taking care of Wu #In MotM they just #Kai becomes the fucking Chancellor and with Zane as his Vice/right hand man #And in crystalized they're the only ones that are serious about this stuff #They're tracking Lloyd while Jay is bored and while Cole is doing nothing #Ay all I'm saying is #We need to see more of them together #I wanna see these 2 bond more #I want the show to focus on the aspect of them being the most protective #And how they probably have a lot of things in common when it comes to protecting the other ninja and making sure they're alright #Hmmmm my brain is going off in the tags #Oh chemistry what you done to me #You cruel cruel subject... #Anyway how are yall doing?

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud.. #but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

[willowser]

getting to a point with nerd bakugou where you're not even playing games online together anymore, you're just — chatting, all day 🥺

and you've gotten close enough that you'll send him a mirror selfie and even if your phone is mostly covering your face, he's ZOOMING IN ON THAT BABY and over-analyzing the hell out of it 🥺 trying to figure out what you look like 🥺 and every single photo he sends in return is assessed for a minimum of 20 minutes, because he wants to make sure his reflection isn't showing anything or his body doesn't look weird, that his posture is right 🥺

and the first time you send something back like, "you look nice today 😊🩷", even though he's just showing off his shirt from a movie you both like — he's having to put his phone down on his desk and put his hands over his face because he feels so airbruqoabdka about you !!!!!

#WAAAHHH HE MAKES ME NUTS I SAY #sorry yeah no i'm gonna keep talking about this yeah definitely #just !!!! liking someone and wanting them and you !!! just know them online !!!! 🥺 #pls he's spending FOREVER in the mirror making sure there's nothing on his face and that his hair looks alright and that his glasses — #— are straight #just to hids majority of it with where he's holding his phone LMAOOO #a dork i'm wrangling him i'm chomping him #and kaminari gets all 'who's your friend ?? 😏😏😏' #and bakugou is like 'WE JUST PLAY STUFF TOGETHER SOMETIMES GET OUT OF IT' #and you two actually havent played anything in weeks bc you've both been busy but you're still messaging all day every day LOL #WAAAHHHHH #blast from the past: q #* just to hide #✿ willow writes #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: nerd bakugou

[mattodore]

somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy

#''river what happened to working on your werewolf oc? the one from yesterday?'' ……let's not discuss it i simply can't bear to talk about it #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #did not need to edit this but we'll never see him with this hair again so i figured. sure why not spend a little bit of time on this #this looks very similar to his hair from when he was a child..... he had swoopy bangs and a middle part back then #...............staring at him like this i kind of want to eat him #kjfgksjfg #the messier his hair is the more i'm like Oh? #like italicized /Oh?/ #….i have nothing else to say here like there was rlly no need for me to post this i just thought hm. he looks pretty <3 #i changed his jaw a bit and made his chin smaller… idk if it’s noticeable #theo is untouched (by the veronicas… classic) like i didn’t change his sim at all #…….can i be honest the reason why i abandoned ria’s sim is bc i realized fuck. i do NAWT have decent fem frame clothing #especially not for a butch lesbian sim like. why is everything a crop top…. #tbf tho. i’m not mad about getting to look at alessandria’s happy trail #.................deep sigh. but i'm gonna go back to it rn. #i think i'll just leave her outfits like they used to be for now even tho i don't really like what she's wearing

[nobodymitskigabriel]

Valid for people to want Jack to be Sam's biological child ig. But I almost think it's more insane that he adopted Lucifer's child. He had no reason to rear Jack, but he just. Decided to. That's so much more telling to me.

#the fact that sam and jack are two unrelated guys with way too much in common makes them more interesting to me #a well characterized lucifer would also think it was telling #tunnel scene and he says i wanted to thank you for raising my son 💕 #i know we've been kind of on the rocks but i think i understand and wouldnt have it any other way #sam is like i dont know what the FUCK youre talking about hes just a kid and hes nothing like you #and lucifer says sure sammy :) lets go find our son #supernatural #sam winchester #jack kline #lucifer spn

[fossilizedhysterics]

guess who finished tlok tonight and immediately had this come to him in a vision!!!!

#i. really like tlok. like a lot #i understand why people dont like it #and i can accept that OBJECTIVELY its not that great #but i had a fantastic time with it #anyways yeah. gay people #tbh. would not call zhu li and varrick normal. most queer straight couple on the planet. #hes a gay man. shes a lesbian. theyre in love. do you get it. #i dont have that many thoughts abt wuko. i really really like it though. #wu is like the webkinz milk cat to me. i need to throw him against a wall really hard. #and of course. korrasami. what is there to even say there #one thing i will say is before watching it i TOTALLY thought asami was a fire bender and also evil #like i kept thinking “yep this is when she turns evil and then theres enemies to lovers” but nope #not a bender or evil and honestly im glad #she totally wouldve been justified in becoming evil though. i sure wouldve #love her.so much #korra too ofc #i have SO MANY more thoughts but im gonna run out of space #last thing i will say is i am a guy who will just always prefer media i can criticize #love atla. but theres nothing there for me to really sink my teeth into or like bitch about #i love it when media is KIND OF BAD and i can RANT ANGRILLY about it #the legend of korra #tlok #legend of korra #korrasami #wuko #zhurrick #korra #asami sato #mako tlok #prince wu

[feelingbatty]

“constructing elaborate revenge plots is something that can actually be so personal” -jason todd

#yes that’s a direct quote from a comic don’t ask me which one tho #jason todd #batman #batfam #red hood #im sure this has been done but i could not resist lol #i’ve got nothing else to say about this one I think it speaks for itself #I love him but he should not be let out without supervision #mine #id in alt text #1k #2k

[youweremyversaillesatnight]

not gonna put this on the post itself bc that feels rude and i think this is maybe an unpopular opinion but actually i don’t feel like maddie’s ending was bad or wrong in any way! it felt like a happy ending for her, whether or not it was considered a happy ending for the audience.

the thing is, is maddie is the middle ground. she cares about felice and her feelings, and she agrees with some of felice’s criticisms about the school (verbally or through her actions), but she never truly goes all the way. she reassures stella and fredrika that if the school was going to close because of what felice said, it would have already, but she doesn’t reassure felice that she was allowed to say whatever she needed to say. in a lot of the conflicts between felice and stella and fredrika, maddie is a silent bystander or a mediator. she is just as hard for felice to be honest with as stella and fredrika. she doesn’t take a side. stella and fredrika want everything to remain as it was—they want to uphold the status quo and keep their traditions. felice sees the problems with this, and tells the truth, which brings the whole thing down. maddie sees the problems, but doesn’t actually seem to care about changing them in a significant way. and that’s why she doesn’t get to get her “happy ending” at the end of the season (although again i do think she was happy with her ending! this was happy for her!).

i love maddie! a lot! i think she’s certainly more likeable than stella and fredrika and much less classist. i would have liked to see her get more screen time, and if she had, that might have changed my position on her ending, but as it is, i think it feels like the right choice for her and her character. with the open-endedness, i think she and felice will remain friends in the future, and things might happen that we don’t get to see, but that doesn’t need to be shown on screen.

#ive been seeing that post go around a lot #and there’s nothing wrong with it! #i can see why people might be dissatisfied with her ending #but it made a lot of sense to me #she’s a good friend to felice! she genuinely cares about her! #but i cant see a better way to end her part of the story with the version we got #i’m sure felice texts her later and says she isn’t coming and im sure they’re still friends but that’s for us to decide on our own #we didn’t need to see it in the show #young royals #yr #yr s3 spoilers #madison mccoy #maddie yr

[lollytea]

I don't think Willow and Hunter start dating immediately after the events of W&D. They know they're something and they're both open to exploring that when they're ready. But they also agree that it would be in their best interest to adjust to their new normal and do some soul searching before they make themselves an official item. They don't consider themselves dating but they don't consider themselves single either. And the way the two of them approach their feelings for each other in this murky limbo state is vastly different for both of them.

Like if somebody asks Willow if she's in love with Hunter, it's like

Willow: Am I in-...? Well, it's...complicated. It's a very complicated situation we're in and I don't want to make any bold decisions right away. Do I love him as a friend? Of course I do. Am I physically attracted to him? Yes, but hormones don't mean love. Am I also emotionally attracted to him? Yes, but a crush isn't love. Do all of these things at once equate to being in love? Well, that seems like the kind of question that would keep a very nervous very scared person lying awake all night. Good thing that's not me, haha. It's not like I'm scared to be in love and I'm subconsciously avoiding confronting the fact that I am. I just believe in staying rational and analyzing your emotions so you don't get too reckless and dive into things without thinking. You'll hurt yourself. I've heard that's it's really easy to hurt yourself when you're in love. You see it's...we...Hunter and I met at a really crazy time, when I was just starting to become the witch I want to be. And then everything got so much crazier and we were confused and scared and it was hard to think about who you wanted to be when you weren't where you wanted to be. So now we're home. And finally, we have the chance to figure ourselves out. And that's exactly what we're gonna do. I want to be with him...eventually. When we're ready. I like him and I want to kiss him but I'm not in love with him. I'm totally not.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Bonesborough

Del: Willow seems like a nice girl.

Hunter: Yeah. I'm in love with her.

#do you understand my vision of Willow having a very tangly brain when it comes to putting her heart in somebodys hands #i feel very strongly about this #also i really enjoy the idea that loving somebody is one of the few things that Hunter is certain about #since LR aired ive been seeing headcanons from hunlow dislikers and hunlow enjoyers alike #that hunter is confused #always confused about how he feels about willow #thinking for the longest time that this is just platonic admiration #or people saying hes confusing platonic admiration for a crush #confused. confused. hes always confused #nothing wrong with that headcanon #everybody can interpret hunlow whatever way they want. im not a cop #but for me personally i always saw it as like. once he realized this was a crush he knew exactly what he wanted from it #never been so sure of something in his life #huntlow

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

#what am i trying to say here? #idk! think about all of the pieces you have #dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways #and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff #when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for #and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death #and what ‘dying’ really means #being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this #much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is #to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like????? #akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant #he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him #but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou #he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her?? #all such interesting interpretations #i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful #like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him #if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again #like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is #it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’ #sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes #it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING #like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!! #compel me even #anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway #dais.txt

[idolomantises]

I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

[batwynn]

I was just forced to bear witness my younger self in the s*pernatural fandom because of how messed up the tumblr search is and I’ve never wanted to murder an inanimate website function more than this.

#tumblr search #I know I say cringe culture should not exist #but I’m Special #lol no but reading some of my old posts in THAT fandom just #sigh #what #even? #what was I doing? #who is that? #wholly unrecognizable #thanks tumblr for the something crisis #I don’t know what type of crisis it is but #it sure is one #edit to add that I have nothing against the fandom #this is 100% about me #being awkward and young and weird