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newervegas · 4 months

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okok sleep deprived BUUT i think i have the j//jk verse figured out so far!!!!!!

three clowns atm!! shiori (g*ojo), minako (t*oji + ch*oso) and kanna (n*anami) !!!!!!! 🌸💕

minako is g/ojos older sister (by a few years she graduated college and was in her first year as a teacher in ye olde flashback era of when g*ojo and besties were in school) she was married and thus and still into today she uses her late spouses surname mizuhara.

shiori is either n//aoyas twin but they weren’t really close as kids and aren’t close now so there isn’t much to that?? (or maybe they were but now its strained due to yk succession who gets to be heir i am not quite sure about that yet!! oo it would give s//uccesiion but make it j//jk OO!!!!!) ORR she’s the older sib of m*ai and m*aki?? and still candidate of heir (?) in that as well?)

BUT ANYWAY..!!!! she was an old classmate of g/ojo and the besties (was maybe in either his year or n/anami and kannas year?) AND BESTEST BUDS. its giving childhood sweethearts to lovers yk? CUUTE.

fast forward t*oji passes….ish. right she and him after they grad they raise her nephew together (he even has a room at her apartment they’ve been SUUPER married but never got together what gives yk?? ILL EXPLAIN 💀) so her career skyrocketed (as an actress?? model? both????) and so things got busy BUUT like they’ve baaasically been living together and raising two youngins (minako and t*oji have a daughter aya <3) they hang out like ALL THE TIME……. and yet not married 💀

(but i mean thats not to say they’ll never yk *giggles* shes taking a year off of to help out and support m*egumi at his first year with goj 🥀🤧 SUPER MARRIED PARENTS!!) theyve alsoo been very invested the last decade or so with getting two of their besties together ever since n*anami said he was interested in her since like forever and never told them about it but swore to never tell her about it so theyve been trying to subtly *wheeze* set them up 🥀🤡

WHICH LEADS ME TO KANNAAA so she’s the granddaughter to the principal of the k*yoto campus and she transferred to tokyo so not to have the rep as “principals kid” (she still did alas 💀✨🤧) and possibly get special treatment bc shes related to one of the administrators. her curse technique she uses (its like c*assia in r*ogue trader-ish seeing emotions, curses and resonances as colors and swipes of paint and swipes of a paintbrush !!) and its helpful as she is a psychotherapist these days for sorcerers !!!!!!! 🌸 very much on the outside cool and collected “has her stuff together.” meanwhile that mask hides behind a hot mess teehee <3 also parties a lot chronic partner drags shiori to all of her after parties and galas and suggests kanna “tags along” so she can party 🥀😌 the girls are thriving!!!!!!!!

she didn’t think anything of nan and in fact likely didn’t even know he existed let alone has had a childhood harbored crush on her 🥀💀 ……. and then they reunite when they’re set up together in ep9 TEEHEE (everyone (g*ojo and shiori) cheers they’re brains for suggesting she aid them HUUUGE) she had planned only to be there for the exchange event and then go back to things buuuut teehee n*anami like kanna fell HARD (everyone’s thrilled especially g*ojo and shiori ndjxxh) and thus decided to take a transfer to be in t*okyo HEHE.

SO GOLDFISH BRAIN their curses!! minako (dream walking/weaving), shiori (pied piper if i make her an actress she doesn’t do musicals or play instruments UNLESS there’s curses in her midst bc she can control them and people in the vicinity with her ability (like meat puppets 🥀🤧 BUUT if i made her a model people already would expect her not to sing so i mean it would be convenient??) and kanna was listed earlier!!

(also when g*ojo and shiori finally DO get together everyone was like ????? we thought you both already were?? and they were like 🥀🧍‍♀️🧍👁️✨😶🫨)

BONUS TRACK VERSION: so nan and kan begin as more of a fwb but it doesn’t last im thinking bc teehee <3 BUUT not before shiori stopped by kans place for something and noticed…… something of nanamis there 🥀💀 (like a tie or jacket of his or something yk?) BUT THE WAY SHIO BOLTSSSS TO DELIVER THE NEWS very had to be ✨ so normal ✨ around them lest ye aforementioned parties are made aware that they know 🌸💕🫨🥴

#leg.txt #t: personal musings #i am so sorry if this makes no sense dkxjxhgc i haven’t gone to sleep and it’s 7 am 💀) ANYWAY i hope y’all are well!!!!!! 🌸💕#*its 8 am now *wheeze* leg go to sleep challenge (impossible) the saga continues 🥀🤡#veery trying to keep it vague xkxhhxh since i think im a bit over halfway thru s1 #and like yk this all could SUUPER change yk?? (alsoo i can’t wait to dev minako and c*hoso once i meet him they’re gonna be the cutest AHH)#alsoo jess i may beeline to the ye olde messages bc i have hyperfixation bad rn 🥀🤧😌✨☺️ binge watching it and feeling normal rn!! <3 #ill go into a lore thingy on minakos new lore later !!!!!! leg need nap *wheeze* 🥀🤧🥴✨#but like in short toj they meet she went on a date to tell him she’s married its dropped #SUBSEQUENTLY he’s given an assignment interestingly to zero her man and the immediate family #(she had to grade an assignment that night where her students wrote their own plays!!)#i mean in his mind even with his profession he’s the tiniest wee bit grateful she wasn’t attending that night 🌸💕☺️😵‍💫#something something in love with the mark trope I LOVE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!#and like her and goj were SUUPER close until he passed then she never really wanted to see him or speak to him again #leg returning to their v//tm era while also needing to write that w//itcher fic and other things 🥀🥴 but!! we are creating though yay!!!!!!!#that is a BOTCHED summary of things for minakotoj if i ever saw one kdjxhxhx 🥀🤧

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verseleth · 3 months

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Still can't get over how naturally rosy colored Ardyn's lips are even without graphical enhancement.

#t: personal musings

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a-cloud-for-dreams · 6 days

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I WAS GONE FOR AN HOUR WHY DID THE RC FANDOM BLOW UP ?!?! 😭😭

#babe I’m looking into your eyes and telling you this…your red flag LI is not the most persecuted person on the planet they don’t care if #you defend them they don’t e x i s t!! people have a right to have opinions esp on LIs who took joy in torture or are literal colonizers #Amen romancers I love y’all but some of you make it really difficult to defend you a whole callout post is INSANE are opinions illegal now #mir's musings 💬#romance club

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jakes3resin · 26 days

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Modern Reincarnation AU Part 4 ✨️

Part 3

"John?"

Bucky storms past Jack into the townhouse. It's rude, but he'll apologize later. He doesn't know why he came here instead of his apartment. Old habits dying a hard drawn out death, maybe? He hadn't been thinking clearly. Hadn't been thinking at all really until he found himself waved through by his father's security detail.

"Oh, is that John?" He hears his father call out, dress shoes clicking against hardwood as he walks closer, but Bucky stomps up the stairs towards his room before he sees the man. His breaths come out in rushes as tears keep burning his eyes.

Shit, he thought he'd gotten those under control on the train.

Slamming his door, he slides down until he rests against the floor. He tosses his bag to the side wincing at the sound it makes. Hopefully his laptop survives. At some point he does actually have to do the work he went to the library to finish.

The library.

Buck and Curt.

They wouldn't, Bucky tells himself. They wouldn't. Curt was one of his best friends, and Buck loved him. They...

Fuck they were roommates! Why the hell were they talking about that shit in public? In the place Bucky considered his? Why even pretend? Why drag Bucky into this? Why?!

Bucky buries his face into his hands. His chest hitches as he tries not to sob. He doesn't want his father or Jack to worry about him. He doesn't want to talk this through.

He wants...

He wants Buck. He wants the other to pull him into his arms. To kiss him again as if today had never happened. There was something else about being with Buck, something he'd never felt with anyone else be they friend or lover. He made Bucky feel safe and wanted. Wanted not because of his family and connections but because he was himself.

Buck would know how to make him feel better.

He laughs quietly through his tears. Distantly, he can hear Jack briefing his father downstairs, the words faint but he hears his name and tears used together. His laughter is more sob than anything else. Of course, the one good thing he'd found would end up belonging to someone else. Story of his life.

✨️

There's too much work to do. At least that's the excuse Bucky gave himself for not confronting Buck and Curt immediately. There wasn't time for a confrontation and subsequent blowup of his life.

At least that's the lie he tells himself.

Bucky chews on the straw of his iced coffee as he skims yet another chapter. There's a pumpkin muffin in front of him that he swore would be his reward for getting through this fourty page reading. Midterms have come and gone, but Bucky still has deadlines to meet and research to complete. He can't sit in his room forever, as much as his father and Jack would sometimes prefer that. Better protection from whatever sent Bucky crying to his room as his father would argue. Better protection for his father's political career Jack would quip.

Speaking of protection, Bucky glanced to the side of the cafe towards his security detail. At least these guys attempted to blend in. His father must have briefed them on his track record with previous details. Bucky smirked around his straw. They'd be easy to lose come rush hour. A bit of fun even.

Bucky turned back to his reading, squinting down at the words.

"American airmen during World War II had a dismal life expectancy. It was not a matter of if an airman was going to be shot down but when. Once downed, airmen faced an uncertain 'reception committee,' as Second Lieutenant Kenneth C. Reimer noted in a drawing he made as a POW in Stalag Luft I in Barth, Germany... 'for every [ground combat] soldier killed in action, three or four others would be wounded; air combat was completely the opposite. For every man wounded, three were killed.'"

"Bucky?" A hand settles on his shoulder jolting him out of his reading.

Bucky kept his shoulders loose as he turns around. Buck stares down at him, a bright smile on his face that Bucky can't help but match despite his grief. It wasn't even something he could control. Buck smiled at him, so he smiled back. Bucky felt pitiful.

Buck's sky blue eyes are clear and happy as they dart across Bucky's face. There's no sign that he realizes Bucky overheard him yesterday.

Bucky lifts a hand to calm his detail, all alert now after Buck's friendly greeting. He sees the nearest agent settle back into their chair but knows none of them are relaxed. He darts a look up at Buck, peering at the other through his glasses to see if he'd noticed the disturbance.

Buck's gaze, as it always does, doesn't leave Bucky's face. Even when he rounds the table to sit down, his eyes are pinned on Bucky and nothing else.

"Sorry I couldn't meet up yesterday," Buck dumps his bag onto the chair next to him. Bucky's smile twitches. Buck sits down across from him. His legs tangle with Buck's own under the table, Buck's foot gently bumping his ankle.

"It's fine," Bucky chomps down on his straw. "How was your advisor meeting anyway?"

"It was good," Buck smiles at him, not even a hint of guilt on his face. "Real good."

Buck had told Bucky he was called to fill in a shift yesterday and that was why he supposedly hadn't been able to meet up. A lie Buck hadn't even bothered to remember. His advisor meetings were also always in the morning on Thursdays. Today was Tuesday.

Buck was still lying to him, and he wasn't even guilty about it.

✨️

"I went by your place yesterday. You weren't home." Buck swings their clasped hands through the air.

"Hmm?" Bucky glanced away from the traffic around them. His detail were staying a conspicuous ten feet back, but they were annoyingly keen when Buck offered to walk him back to his apartment.

Bucky would lose them another day.

Buck laughed, deep and airy. Bucky struggled not to lose himself in it. That was what made this so hard. Bucky still loved Buck, and Buck still acted like Bucky was his whole world and then some.

"Oh," Bucky finally processed what Buck had said. "No, I went to my dad's for the night."

"Really?" Buck squeezes his hand. Bucky hates how much comfort Buck's touch gives him.

Does Curt receive the same...? No Bucky doesn't let himself finish the thought.

"How was it?" Concern bleeds into Buck's voice. Bucky hates how genuine it sounds. He's starting to use that word more than any other. The longer he looks at Buck, the more he has to hate to save his heart.

"Fine," Bucky shrugged stepping further away as they came to a stoplight. "The usual."

"The Bucky I know wouldn't give such a short answer," Buck stepped closer eating up the space Bucky had put between them. "Not unless something happened yesterday. Come on, you okay?"

Bucky felt the words bubbling up his throat.

I saw you. I saw him. Why are you here staring at me like I'm the most important thing in the world when you have him? Why are you doing this to me? I love you. I love you so much it feels like my soul hurts. I hate you.

"Spent most of the night avoiding his staffers." Bucky lied. "Barely saw him, Jack either, yet he still asked me to move home at breakfast."

Buck nods, accepting his lies. Was that what they were now? Not a relationship, simply a lie? Bucky wasn't sure anymore. His heart thumped against his rib cage, anger and love in every other beat, but he wasn't sure which would win.

Buck had become his whole world in such a short amount of time. He thought the feeling was mutual, but yesterday showed just how stupid Bucky really was.

"How about this," Buck nudged his hip. "Why don't I stay over tonight? We'll binge a few movies, order something, and have night in. Then,"

Buck paused with a stupid grin that, despite himself, Bucky still found charming. Fuck, he was truly pathetic for this.

"I'll sweep you off your feet and take you to bed. How does that sound?"

"Won't Curt be expecting you?" The question pops out of him without meaning to. Gale furrows his brow, confusion growing in his eyes.

"Curt won't miss me tonight."

Sure, he won't, Bucky thinks bitterly.

✨️

"John," Jack's voice was a surprise. Especially considering it was his father's number calling him.

"You've gotten much better at your Jack impression," Bucky answers just to be annoying. "Does he know you impersonate him on official numbers?"

"You're not as funny as you believe."

"Ooh, you even have his disapproving tone down. I feel like he's in the room with us!" Bucky laughs. He peers around the corner. Buck's still where he left him, buried in his phone texting someone.

Bucky doesn't let himself think about who that person is.

"Your father wants to invite you to a dinner tomorrow. You can even bring that boy that walked you home. The one that hasn't left." Pages flip in the background as Jack talks. Probably governmental reports his father was supposed to read.

"You know you're not his chief of staff anymore?" Bucky leaned his hip against the counter. "You don't have to read reports or wrangle his kid to government dinners to help his image as a family man. You're his husband now, you're the family."

"You're my kid too by that logic, so wrangling you gets to stay on my resume." Bucky snorts out a laugh. "Besides, it's not a state dinner or anything. He just wants to see you."

Guilt gnaws at his heart. Buck pokes his head into the kitchen, phone no longer holding all of his attention.

"Fine," Bucky groans. "But if he brings up the apartment again, I'm walking out with my food on my plate even if it's the good plates."

"See you tomorrow at 7 then. Bring your boy." Jack hangs up without a goodbye.

✨️

It'll be me, and it'll be you, Buck.

Don't count on it.

Bucky jerks awake. His dream flashes through his head too fast for him to remember anything. Scenes superimpose over each other, words jumble together. At least this one wasn't a nightmare. Those always left him shakey and off balance all day.

His dreams have always been vivid, ever since he was a kid. The child psychologists he'd gone to had said it was normal and simply a sign of a well developed imagination.

Bucky runs a hand through his hair groaning when he glances towards his bedside clock. It's nearly an hour until he has to get up, but he knows that he won't be getting back to sleep before then.

Buck lays curled up next to him on the bed. Bucky reaches out to brush a hand through the other's hair. Buck twitches leaning into the feeling for half a second but doesn't stir beyond that.

Bucky sighs. Extricating himself from Buck's long limbs takes time. Somehow in the night, Buck had nearly fused them together as if even asleep the man refused to let him go. Arms layered over arms. Legs tangled together. It's an excellent distraction from his dreams but not from the problems of the waking world. If only he could forget those once he woke up like he did his dreams.

It's only when he's pouring water for his coffee that he realizes he recognizes the voice from his dream. A first for him.

It'd been Buck's.

✨️

(Not a confrontation I know, but it builds my AU lol)

#i know i already used that picture of austin for part 3 but that pic for some reason is so Modern Buck who can't take his eyes off Bucky #buck for me in this au is a touch obsessive because he's lost bucky once in their old life and now he has a chance again #but that chance is being strained because bucky doesn't remember him or their past life resulting in Buck lying to himself and bucky #one of the things i want to focus on in this au is how traumatizing reliving and remembering these memories can be as well as how alienatin #buck certainly has his own trauma and part of his journey is learning to let go and understand the difference between the past and present #shit i need to go work on stalag arc but also i got blessed by some muse for this au and who am i to doubt the will of a muse?#oh also i actually do have this whole backstory for Bucky as well as who his father is his importance and why Jack Kidd is in his house #if anyone wants to guess he is someone we see in MOTA and its a really popular Jack ship lol #the quote Bucky is reading is from an actual book called Terror Flyers by Kevin T Hall #I've personally only read portions of it for a class i took but its an interesting read from the bits I remember and skimmed for this #mota #masters of the air #buck x bucky #john bucky egan #clegan #gale buck cleven #bucky egan #buck cleven #john egan #gale cleven #buckbucky #modern reincarnation au #modern reincarnation

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twistedappletree · 11 months

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idk I just feel like Jin Ling would actually be the sweetest, silliest bf but like, one of those bf’s that’s catty to everyone except his partner lmao

he’d be flustered and a little uncomfortable at the beginning of the relationship when it comes to romantic gestures and words because he’s not used to it and it’s scary for him to be so vulnerable with someone else after everything he’s been through.

he’s obviously got a fiery, combative personality and likes to act tough (very smol and angy because the shorter they are, the closer they are to hell and whatnot) but once he sees his person?? once he’s with his person???

instant clingy funny bunny mode activated ✅

#this is also why I love ZhuiLing so much bc you KNOW my boy LSZ would be so patient and respectful of JL’s boundaries #it’s just SUCH a sweet and consentful ship to me???#they’re so precious I c a n t #mdzs #the untamed #jin ling #lan sizhui #zhuiling #mo dao zu shi #apple babble 🍎#ship musings #character musings #bratty little secretly cute baby who just wants to be near his fave person lbr

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ilona-mushroom · 11 months

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I want to be hairier so bad. Like…I want a hairy stomach, thighs, etc etc. I love my body hair and want more :3

#reason I billion why I want to start t #trans masc #personal #gender musings

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thedeadthree · 1 year

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🥀! the oc page is here !

#leg.txt #*personal #AND ALSO i finished lilias edit ! mutuals if i did a tag list for it let me know if y’all would like to be added ! 🥀🌹#* or like ! i am not sure if i will do a tag list but i thought it would be cute ! 🥀#vianne has the braincell at the moment and i cannot wait to finish her pieces 🥀✨😭 ! miguelvianne mean the WORLD to me !#i also updated my about page the mobile and desktop as well !#sort of muting changing the url to raventreehalls because of bl*oodraven brainrot <3 #*MUSING NOT MUTING 💀#THAT ANNOUNCEMENT WHEN I SAY I LOST MY MIND ! H*EDGE KNIGHT AHHHHH loml brynden! i cant wait!#i have been sort of in and out of being active here for some things and i can’t thank y’all enough for the tags + being so patient with me!#ill shoot to catch up with things in the week ! y’all are the SWEETEST 🌸✨😭#also looking forward to s*tarfield and c*yberpunk again becoming my whole personality I AM SO EXCITED !#bel and caro + the t*witter circle besties got to see me lose my mind about s*tarfield earlier today 🥀✨😵‍💫😌#and now to return to the morgaine musings ! she’s in the sierra madre rn <3 her and the f*allout besties are having a time !#maybe ill do a lore essay on how things went for them in dead money 🌹✨😵‍💫☺️ IT HAS BEEN A TIME skzkjzjz

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yeonban · 5 months

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As soon as I get a window of free time (which should be in the next 1-2 non-business days) I NEED to write a post about how knowing / interacting with Kolya gives off a very... surreal vibe. The kind you got every summer as a child. The same as a summertime fling that only exists on borrowed time and will vanish just as abruptly as it started, never to be felt again after summer ends. The sort you sometimes wonder if you've dreamed up or if it really happened, but no matter which one it is you're certain you'll never forget it.

#muse: nikolai gogol.#ANY kind of dynamic he may have with sb else leaves that person bound to remember him forever. He's INCREDIBLY memorable #and that'd be in generally such a bittersweet way too :') as friends & lovers (?) it's understandable why but even as rivals & enemies...#him being gone forever will still leave a gaping hole that no one else will be able to fill bc of how Unique he is compared to /everyone/#''Living on borrowed time'' fits Kolya down to the t and I routinely think about this.#I'm even more obsessed w this vibe bc of how Gogol (the irl author)'s works inadvertently; without fail; always touch on fleetingness #...which I may as well bring up in the proper post when I write it

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sleepknoot · 6 months

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One of the things that infuriates me about tumblr R/P is the kind of rolep/layer who is only genuinely interested in writing with you if they can see their muse being romantically and/or sexually involved with yours.

Like I don't give a fuck what you wanna R/P. I'm not paying you, I'm not your boss, and I know damn well I'm not going to change anybody's mind on anything. I just wish people were honest about what they want instead of pretending they want to write with you only to consistently ignore you in favor of muns with muses their character has a crush on.

#The fact this happened with a longform V/T///M R//Per with me as the most recent example.#I was so excited for a new person to join the community much more the longform R//P side of it.#Every thread we wrote died so fast and died on their turns.#Then they constantly ignored my asks/likes on their starter calls and only answer to male muses their muse had been making eyes at.#And the threads they had with those muses went on strong most of the time.#It also felt like the didn't actually give a shit about the source material and I could really feel that when in-universe discussions #were actually happening. Which is again whatever. I think I just got my hopes up too high for that that person ended up seeking.#I don't get why the kept following me on multiple accounts when they were constantly ignoring me. Unless it was to bump their numbers.#All the random slashes are so I don't end up in the tags btw #Sorry for the rant in the tags. I haven't spoken about this out loud and it bugs me sometimes when I see people doing something similar.#zombert.txt

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newervegas · 10 months

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brain hurts but it’s finished !!!!!!!!

(also i sort of love meirion or modan or myrick over maxen but i also love the name maxen for the eldest of aemmas twinsies?? maybe I’ll do a poll about it bc i can’t decide to save my life izjzjzhz) filled in gaps and things and ill add the love interests for aem and emmys boys when i think of them but !!!!! eeeek! and now to do anres and lhysa and feanorians and the etc !!!!!! 🥀✨🥴 <3

#t: personal musings #leg.txt #may have zoom a bit to get a better look but brain fried egg hehe <3 #i need to give the w*itcher dears a proper intro soon i need to yell about them !!!!!!! a cute piece or something of the sort!#they’re everything to me the hyperfixation of my heart always #between w*tcher and a*soiaf and the t*es/f*allout and c*yberpunk dears those are the comfort worlds/things yk? 🥀🥹#(and then ifs OFC we’ll be here all day if i list off my comfort ifs there’s so many 🌸😭)#but ANYWAY here’s my pookies kzjxjzjzhhz <3 #aemma is ‘deceased’ but isn’t bc she faked her death teehee <3 🌸✨😌#cy has three clowns with emmy 🥀🤡✨🥴

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soysaucevictim · 1 year

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Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Intrulogical (QPP), Dukexiety (romantic/QPP), Analogical (QPP), Intruloxiety (QPP) Characters: Remus centric. Logan and Virgil supporting.

Genres: Slice of Life, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Vent Fic (sort of)

Additional Tags: Blood, Graphic Descriptions of Menstruation, PCOS, Chronic Illness, AFAB Anatomy, Brief Misgendering Language, Referenced Past Child Abuse, Remus Angst, Neurodivergent Remus, Nonbinary Remus, Trans Man Logan, Logan Is A Good Friend, Virgil is a Mess, Virgil is a Himbo, Virgil Is a Good Friend

Summary:

Remus has a not-quite-monthly visitor arrive. He’s going to make that everyone’s problem.

(Gym Rat AU. One-shot.)

---

What little ability Remus had to focus was shot, which was a little dangerous when he was at the workbench. His guts were feeling all knotted up and queasy. He wondered if it was something he ate, or neglected to eat.

He had a suspicion of what was happening, but he really didn’t want to deal with that mess. He was trying to coordinate some soldering wire and a very hot soldering iron. He just needed to seat this capacitor and-

STAB.

“FUCK!”

He clumsily dropped the iron, it clattered onto the motherboard he was working on and started to melt one of the PCI buses. He was more focused on bracing through a powerful wave of spasming coming from that useless bag of muscle in his guts, white-knuckling the bench and hovering above his chair, as it passed.

Logan was in earshot and rolled into his workspace, “Are you-?”

Remus glared at Logan.

As the wave passed, Remus tentatively sat back down, breathing through his teeth, “… Got any of Satan’s cotton fingers on you?”

“What are you- oh. You mean... menstrual products.”

Remus was back to glaring at Logan some more, “Specs. I love you. But-”

Just like that, Logan was in and out with his backpack and rifling through it. It was times like this that Remus envied Logan.

After a few home invasions from El Primo Rojo on the clock, Logan suggested that maybe Remus’s experiences weren’t “standard”. That they shouldn’t feel like someone gleefully and repeatedly shooting a rusty nail gun into his gut. His tendency for time blindness didn’t do him any favors, when his “monthly gift” took a scenic route to Guam half the time. That he shouldn’t be gushing like a stuck blood-doped pig, when it did.

It was a pain in the so-called “girl nuts” to figure out just how fucked his were.

At that point, Logan had learned to get the big guns out and asked, “Do you need any help?”

The aforementioned bus was smoking at that point, but Remus finally had the presence of mind enough to yank the iron’s plug. He winced and headed to the bathrooms and mumbled, “… probably.”

It was nice not having to explain to someone what it was like to deal with this curse. Not that it really stopped him sometimes. He got a few write-ups for that.

Never mind what was going on in the co-workers’ pants. If he was suffering, he was determined to make it everyone’s problem. Logan was just better able to deal with the gender feelings shit there, though.

Something Remus liked to do with Virgil is visiting his place, watching movies, and snuggling up. Well, more like, Remus wrapped himself around his Emo like the cephalopods he so loved.

Virgil was in for a shock when he started to invite Remus over more and let him stay, one day waking up to a crime scene and a severely anemic looking boyfriend.

It was clear public (and private) sex ed failed him. Virgil was thrown into a panic trying to find a non-existent wound on either of them. All while Remus was just curled up and groaning in pain in front of him.

Virgil went so far as to grope around their waist and back, provoking Remus to ask, “Feeling a little… frisky?”

“What? NO! I’m checking to see if someone broke in and stole a kidney or something!?”

Remus chuckled while that uterus of his spasmed, “Oh-ho, I wish...”

At that point, Virgil realized that, no, it was coming from Remus. And the only maniac here was the guy’s innards. Which then had Virgil panicking again, “Th-that’s a LOT of blood! Sh-should I call 911, o-or something!?”

Remus made an attempt to sit up, but then Iron Deficiency called and said Gravity was feeling pretty clingy that day. Remus might’ve started to feel a little delirious, “What happened to ‘a little bit of the red stuff doesn’t scare me’, last night?”

“That was “ Saw ”! And it was just a MOVIE. And with loads of the FAKE stuff! This-!?”

Remus’s laughter was punctuated by a few “ow”s. Remus knew he wasn’t his usual chatterbox self, “… can’t words, call-Lo.”

“Isn’t he at work right now?”

“Tell him… Code Mangenta.”

Virgil tilted his head, “Oooh-kay?”

Virgil barely knew Logan, but did as bidden. Remus laid there, listening to a one-sided conversation.

“Hey. Uh. Logan? It’s Remus…”

“I-I’m not sure man, he just said Code Mangenta.”

“Uh-huh. Uh huh. Oh. THAT’S WHAT A PERIOD IS!?”

Remus laughed again, but it came out more like a whimper.

“Shit, sorry. Do I need to take him to the hospital? Alright, I’ll ask him that...”

Virgil muted the phone and spoke to Remus, “Logan wanted a number from you?”

Virgil pulled the phone up to Remus, “ Nueve de - FUCK!”

Logan simply responded, “Ah. I’ll let the boss know you’re not coming in for probably… a week.”

Virgil’s one-sided conversation continued, “Can you text me all of that? Yeah, I’ll keep you posted. You’re a lifesaver.”

Virgil hung up, awkwardly found a non-biohazardous spot on the bed, and ran a hand through Remus’s hair. It was comforting and distracting. “Hey. I’m gonna get a few things that uh. Might help? Try not to die while I’m gone?”

Remus whined, “No promises, Virge-y.”

Virgil snorted, “Still-”

Remus slurred his words, thanks to dizziness, “Mmm… gonna poltergeist you if-I-do.”

Virgil glanced at the browning stain and back into Remus’s face, “… I don’t expect anything less. See you.”

As Remus lay there, waiting for Virgil to come back, he reflected a little bit.

He kind of hated how he only figured out how his mood got all fucky, in time with his broken biological clock. It foreshadowed his doom, and he missed the warnings every damn time. Then again, emotions were the bane of his existence. Words like angry and horny were close enough, a few days ago. But now that the dam burst, he was just angry, restless and tired . And in a world of hurt.

He wasn’t sure how long of a list of things Logan had sent Virgil, nor how long Virgil had disappeared. It didn’t help that he broke his alarm clock by angrily throwing it across the room – everything was getting a bit much. He couldn’t readily see where his phone was, just his luck losing it somewhere. It could be in Virgil’s unit, in his own car, or way back in his unit.

It didn’t help that he didn’t really want to move much. A lot of the times he found himself in this state, his mind asked him, “Is this going to be the Big One?”

He wondered if it was possible to exsanguinate yourself via your period. He mumbled, “That would suck.”

Remus’s thoughts wandered toward Virgil seeing his boyfriend’s corpse in his bed and- Remus groaned and shook his head. A spell of nausea stack overflowed his thought process and he had to drag himself to the bathroom. It felt like his uterus was ripping and tearing at his bowels, and not what he’d imagine to be “the fun way”.

While on the can for the third time in however long, he felt some relief hearing Virgil’s voice again, “You still alive in there, ‘Mus?”

Remus was still indisposed, barely able to project his voice, “I don’t know anymore, check my task manager and find out!”

“Whatever you’re doing, hold on a second. I brought a lot of stuff over.”

After several more minutes, Remus’s innards buffered enough and Virgil got the stuff inside his unit proper. Remus was impressed by just how many items the guy brought back.

“Okay. So. I got into your apartment to see how much of the things you had at your place already. Here-” Virgil pulled out a familiar, neon green octopus plushie and handed it off.

Remus grinned, he wanted to jolt up and bounce about it, but he was too damn woozy for that. “Cthulhu! Oh, how my loins have missed you!”

Remus unzipped the toy and reached inside.

Virgil narrowed his eyes, “Uh... are you going to fuck that thing or-?”

Remus cackled as he pulled out a bag of dry millet from inside and gave it to Virgil, “Pop that in the microwave for… a minute.”

Virgil was momentarily confused before smacking his face, muttering to himself, “Duh, that makes way more sense, alright now...”

As Virgil attended to that, Remus looked inside the bags. He saw some of his underwear, some heavy flow hygiene products, medication…

Beep!

“Hot! Hot! Hot!”, Virgil almost pulled the bag out with his bare hands before grabbing an oven mitt.

Remus chuckled some more, feeling all gooey over his boyfriend being the biggest whale penis ever. Virgil’s cheeks reddened, “L-look. It’s kind of hard to think straight when I’m freaking the fuck out over here!?”

“Aww, you really do care about me!”

Virgil flustered, handed the warm bag of seed to Remus. Remus snorted at the sight and the thought. As Remus got Cthuhu all ready and cozy, his Scare-Amore huffed, “Whatever.”

Remus hugged the plushie against his belly for dear life, feeling some of the tension and pain melt from its soft warmth. He zoned into that feeling, combing the thing's velvety tentacles with his fingers. System checks returned Normal again.

Virgil sighed, probably in relief, before bolting up again, “Shit, I need to go put some of that stuff in the freezer!”

Remus barely caught a glimpse of Virgil hurriedly putting several tubs of ice cream up. Chocolate anything sounded good, actually. Virgil muttered on about the rest of the things he ran out for and needed to clean up the mess Remus made – but Remus was just focused on the warm and gooey feelings swirling around in him.

Remus was glad to have someone in his corner who had the wonderful experience of having this kind of anatomy. It was an awkward story for another time when Remus found out that Logan was trans.

That said, it was obvious they had different experiences with the gender thing.

Logan was curt whenever discussing the menstruation topic, just enough to get any point he needed to get across before spacing out for a hot minute. Logan was a lifesaver about it, even though he mentioned that he was one of those lucky guys that saw the monthly visitor fuck off pretty much entirely while on T.

Logan was worse about the first time the subject came up. It was a little after Remus’s first month working there. Remus forgot to bring his products with him, which was normal. He was used to resorting to stacking a lot more waddage to stem those heavy currents. It had the secondary benefit of looking like a poor man’s packer, if it held up long enough.

That one went a little easier on him, but one of the next ones after that was a bad one. Despite him playing it off with his typical brand of terrific humor, even Logan noticed something was wrong, “You look ill.”

The stabbings made him pause between each word, “When don’t I?”

“Fair point. My understanding here is that you might need to see a doctor about that. All I can say is that… standard periods shouldn’t be quite so obviously painful, heavy, and irregular. I-I wish I could help more.”

“You haven’t been the first person to tell me that, Specs.”

“My point stands. But now I need to… excuse myself.”

Remus knew Logan would need that breather to himself. Remus had this problem for a few years at that point, but he kind of hated the idea of seeing a doctor.

His tired and anxious mind went back to the old demons telling him he definitely had cancer and he was going to die a miserable death. Cancer or something else just as terrible. He had to use several blocking measures to keep himself from doom-scrolling through WebMD. He’s done it on multiple software and firmware levels; on all his devices, routers, and modems. He tried to call his ISP multiple times, to block him on that level. He was denied, predictably enough.

Annoyed, he recalled Logan saying, “They don’t want to cause a catastrophic failure on their side. They have to serve other people too.”

While Logan had some shared lived experiences, Virgil was a lot more openly fretful around Remus’s cycles. Especially after that first time in his apartment.

Virgil was honestly a nervous wreck about it, which only made that little warm feeling Remus got from the Emo more intense. He probably got a little too used to how fucked up it could get for him.

Just before Remus was in high school, he experienced his first one, a little later than most “girls”. It was relatively mild at first, but things got worse from there. He zoned out during sex ed and didn’t exactly have the social skills or cojones to ask if any of it was normal to any of his girl peers or the school nurse. Esteban didn’t really care and would tell Remus “she” was just making up more excuses. Roman was honestly clueless, but he tried.

Finding a connection with Logan and then Virgil was more than a little nice.

After a few times on the bloody rodeo, Remus had one of his worst ones. It was a bit of a haze to recall some details, apparently his iron levels were critical and he lost a fuck ton of blood. His heart was racing, he felt clammy to the touch, and delirious from it.

Worst of all, he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. He wondered if he was having a panic attack, but instead of being amped up, he was overwhelmingly tired. He woke up to Virgil frantically shaking him out of some layers of stupor.

“Oh fuck, Remus. Wake up, you gotta wake up!”

The way Virgil’s voice trembled peeled another few layers of stupor, but Remus only managed a confused “Wuh?”

“This is- you are- I can’t-!”

Remus slurred a bit, “Use your wooords, Virgie.”

“I-I’m gonna to call for help. This is just- fucked up!”

Remus was back to listening to a conversation about him, but Virgil put the other side on speaker.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“My boyfriend lost a lot of blood and-”

“Is he injured?”

“I-I guess? I don’t know! He’s cold and-”

“Was there an accident or-?”

“N-no, I mean- no one did this to him. He just-”

“Okay, ma’am, we’re sending some people over to help. Are you okay to stay on the line?”

Remus snickered at the address, Virgil had more to worry about than that.

“I-I guess.”

“Can you tell me your names?”

Virgil calmed down barely as the call continued and Remus writhed about – exhausted and in pain. It felt like an eternity until the EMTs came over. One of them was preparing a stretcher outside. The other took to assessing Remus’s vitals and asked them more questions as they went.

“So, Remus. Do you know where you are?”

“An adorable raccoon’s warren.”, he weakly chuckled.

The responder from outside moved to fill out their report and blinked a moment.

Virgil clarified, “… he means me.”

“Do you know what today is?”

“Hump Day?”

Virgil fidgeted, “He’s always been bad about dates…”

“Noted. Now, Remus, name the first president of the United States.”

“Some slave owning asshole with bad teeth. I think he died like this…?”

Virgil shrugged, “I- uh, don’t think that Rushmore guy was trans.”

The responder attending to Remus didn’t acknowledge Washington getting roasted.

Remus whined a bit, “Tough… audience, eh?”

The responder relayed everything back to his dispatcher and spoke to Remus again, “Can you walk?”

Remus’s muscles were too noodle-y from fatigue to right himself, let alone stand. “Not happening.”

“Alright, we’ll carry you out to the stretcher. Jim, over here?”

It didn’t look the most graceful or particularly gentle, but they were pretty careful. Tim supported Remus’ torso and Jim took up his legs. Remus just wanted to take a nap, once he rested on the stretcher.

Remus lost a good chunk of time from there.

The next thing he remembered was being in a hospital bed with IVs in him. He was feeling a bit more cognizant, yet very, very off.

He yelled at the nearest nurse to him, “W-where’s Virgil? Can I see him?!”

“We’re still trying to get you more stable, pushing some fluids mostly. Virgil is in the waiting area, but he told us some of your history. This is a recurring problem for you, yes?”

“System records indicate that is correct.”

The nurse blinked before continuing, “Do you have any experience using birth control?”

“No? The idea of carrying a kid kinda wigs me out… so uh…”

“When taken as prescribed, the pill has a very high effectiveness in preventing that.”

Despite his sense of humor, he admitted, “I… don’t exactly have plans to be sexually active anyways.”

“Alright, hon. The pill isn’t only good for preventing pregnancy. We’re going to give you some hormonal birth control to manage your bleeding for now. And some iron supplements, your levels came in very low there.”

Remus hated feeling small and stupid, “Don’t call me that… please.”

“Apologies, we don’t have your full history. You’re… nonbinary?”

It was the simplest language for Remus’s weird gender feelings. “Yeah.”

“Are you on HRT?”

He kind of wanted to be, but, “… no.”

“Would you be comfortable being referred to a gynecologist?”

Remus shivered, unsure if it was the blood loss or the hospital being too cold or something else, “D-do I have to?”

“We don’t recommend you rejecting the option, but we can’t force you.”

Some of the liquid coolant started leaking out of Remus’s eyes. Having seen how stricken Virgil was earlier finally hit him, “I... don’t want to put my boyfriend through this again. What’s wrong with me?”

The nurse took a breath, “There are a few possibilities that come to mind, a very common one is something called polycystic ovarian syndrome. We’re waiting for more of your bloodwork to come back to us. But, some specialists would have to assess you for that and give you more treatment options than I can say at this moment.”

He wasn’t sure about having someone rooting around in there or the potential bad news the exams could bring, “Can I think about that some more?”

“Of course. Right now, we’re just going to focus on getting you well enough for discharge.”

The ICU doctor managing his care was not a specialist, Remus was still on the fence on having that referral done.

The doctor talked to him about the lab work, “Well, we have one point toward a potential PCOS diagnosis here.”

“What?”

“You seem to have abnormally high values for testosterone and other androgens.”

Remus blinked, “Wait, what? Really?!”

“Yes, that’s one of the criteria.”

Remus found himself weirdly excited about that part, “S-so could that be why I started growing a mustache when I was in high school?”

“I understand how facial hair can be distressing for some.”

Remus cackled for the first time since he woke up nearly in hemorrhagic shock a couple days ago, “Distressed?! I’m trans, as all fuck, man! I thought it was really cool, even if the other kids bugged me about that a lot. Don’t worry about it. I took care of them. If you know what I mean?”

The doctor looked at him with a strange expression, “If other tests confirm this diagnosis, do you realize it could mean fertility issues?”

“Even better!”

“… you’re taking this better than a lot of patients I’ve worked with.”

“Well, the bleeding and the pain sucks all the ass. But, you just mighta convinced me to take that referral.”

Really, Logan and Virgil planted that seed in his head first. But this information could have explained so much of the shit he just put up with for the past several years .

He just hoped he wasn’t going to be treated like a girl or some weird shit like that.

Or that it could get in the way of some of the things he really wanted to go forward on, in talking about transition stuff with Logan.

Or that it turned out to be something worse, or better than this PCOS thing.

#sanders sides #remus sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #gymrat au #spilled musing #dukexiety #intrulogical #intruloxiety #(remus is a gd nERD)#(next thing i think i want to finish up is that muse!patton fic and get going on the begotten!au thing next)#(i don't think i personally have pcos... and i think my hormones are still within a standard deviation of average level...)#(but sometimes think i may have a modestly elevated baseline t level... :'D )#(kinda thinking abt this in terms of shit like my bp - which is a few points lower than average/healthy benchmark pretty consistently)#(i love thinking about a&p variations man)

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