#thank you for making me edit my novella

[ageofzero]

Yuna is the antagonist of a potential Final Fantasy X-3, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

edit: okay I'll put it under a read more since it'll be a long post (but not as long as my entire conversation was), but what's promised is due.

Now that I have to make the post for real I had to do some wiki reading on what the actual Things going on in the novella were, and… well, a lot of my theorycrafting was based on incomplete and kinda inaccurate information. BUT I can’t read Japanese, the book was never released here, and I am going to go with rule of cool for a little bit of this even as I keep the stuff that sounds kinda dumb on the surface. I’ll be the first to say that Tidus exploding from a bomb he thinks is a blitzball is dumb (true), and Chuami thinking she’s Auron’s daughter is a dumb plot beat (petty), but I’m weaving this bridge and I’m not going to rewrite those. I am going to change some contexts and make them exist in a narrative that I hope is compelling. That’s my disclaimer, now I’m gonna get into it.

SO.

The scenario from the novella and audio drama is thus: Tidus died again in an accident, and Yuna brings him back. But he’s not back in the same way that the Fayth gave this dream a real living body at the end of X-2. The official term for it is “beckoned”, but I probably won’t use that to describe him based on my previous understanding. No matter if he’s beckoned or not, or whatever terminology you want to use, the thing is that Yuna summoned him back. She’s holding him to life, and he can never know. It’s been a year since the moment Tidus died, and Yuna has seemingly regressed into patterns that put her into what was once Yevon’s circle. Tidus is looking injured/weakened (“Chuami: It wasn’t just [Tidus’s] words that felt hollow. When I shook his hand, his grip felt weak and lifeless... I think he’s injured. Or maybe he’s sick or something.”), and people are looking to Yuna for help or information regarding the strange not-quite Unsent (the beckoned) that are appearing in places in Spira. Help she is not capable of giving. Wakka and Lulu are protecting her as she prays in Besaid Temple. The world is seemingly acting out, with a second shoopuf appearing in the Moonflow and its energies overflowing and drawing more illusions into reality. (“Yuna: The Moonflow energy is responding to the will of the living. It’s as if… we’re in the Farplane.”) And it’s more vivid than what the Farplane is capable of, even breaking the rules of “beckoning”. This is something new, something worse. Something worse enough to bring back Sin (which I thought was just me extrapolating a potential, but they actually mention it in the audio drama that it happens). Yuna promises the people that she will defeat Sin, but Wakka tries to keep her from being made to promise such a thing at first, which is an interesting choice (“Wakka: Yuna, let’s go back to Besaid. They’ll push this all on you… Sin is for summoners, in their minds.”).

Where does the world go in this present circumstances? Why IS Yuna seemingly content to do what chafed her in the Eternal Calm short movie and stay praying in Besaid and helping the elders who are lost now that Yevon as they knew it is in shambles? Why are Lulu and Wakka enabling and protecting her in that? Why is Tidus looking injured and weak and why is Yuna keeping him at arm’s length? Why does she tell him that she’s fallen in love with someone else?

I know the typical story beat interpretation is “Yuna told him that and pushed him away so he wouldn’t be in danger for what she needs to do, bc defeating Sin caused his death last time”. But hear me out. Yuna knows Tidus isn’t alive. She knows that revealing that information to him will cause him to disappear again. She’s actively summoning him back to life and he has no idea (but he must suspect something is wrong, even before Yuna formally pulls away from him, he’s weakening and he probably doesn’t feel right in his own skin). I posit that her maintaining Tidus’s life is what she’s really doing praying in the Besaid Temple. She doesn’t want to get involved with the Moonflow situation, the shoopuf or the overflowing energy of the Moonflow itself. She doesn’t even really act when seeing all the ghosts in the crowd, and actively stops Kurgum from acting (plausible deniability: she and everyone else decide that sending them in that moment would be the wrong call and riots would break out, but that density of ghosts means that’s a significant amount of pyreflies that could become fiends at any moment).

I posit that Yuna’s powers are working, that people close to her think her powers aren’t working (Lulu and Wakka), and she’s hiding it from everyone else. That her powers aren’t working because she’s currently using them to maintain Tidus’s existence. And this maintaining is breaking the Farplane in half, because she’s powerful but has no idea what she’s doing. (Why would she really know what she’s doing or the consequences? Who has any information of what she’s doing and what will happen if she does it?) I posit that Yuna’s love for Tidus is so strong that it corrupts her sense of right and wrong. X-2 is Yuna largely going on a personal quest, and incidentally helping people but separating herself from the title of High Summoner and doing something she wants to do. Rikku encourages her to do something for herself for a change right before she agrees and runs off to become a sphere hunter. She still saves the world, this time from an ancient danger Old Yevon buried and an Unsent is threatening to use (for love, notably), but she did it in the course of looking for Tidus. Who the Fayth return to life, who she hugs and is so so relieved to have in her arms again.

She’s not going to let him go, she couldn’t let him die again so much that she called him back to life.

(side note: I never truly knew how this happened so I had to consult the wiki page on the novella, and I suspect what original information I was working with was misrepresented and misinterpreted. I openly admit that the wiki page doesn’t really help me fully understand what happened, aside from explaining how Tidus ended up in proximity to a bomb. My understanding from someone’s explanation was that an Unsent summoner on the island Yuna and Tidus got washed up on after a storm told her she could call back the dead if she wanted, as a summoner. They’re all made of pyreflies, Aeons and Fiends and People and Unsent alike, and summoners are in the business of manipulating pyreflies. Either calling them from the Fayth to form an Aeon, or Sending them to the Farplane so they do not become Fiends. A summoner with enough power could summon someone back from the dead, could they not? And this Unsent summoner knew how it worked, and told Yuna how to do it. But I don’t know how real that scene could be, or how accurate it is to what’s written in the book. It’s my rule of cool moment, though, and I worked with that as my understanding when I made this theory. We have to make our peace with that, if you’ll allow me this extrapolation of Spira’s rules and a summoner’s powers.)

(The meme is Tidus kicking a blitzball and it turned out it was a bomb and his head gets blown off, but wiki says they ended up on a vision of a Besaid from 1000 years ago, and the bomb was something neither Tidus or Yuna had seen before and to them it looked like a blitzball. So, Tidus approached what he thought was a blitzball, wondering who’s ball it was, and it exploded as he reached it. I still think that’s really dumb but I’m not editing it out bc Tidus’s death creates very interesting consequences.)

So, if Yuna is summoning Tidus back to life, and she desperately doesn’t want him to find this out so she avoids him and pushes him away through any means necessary, but he’s still weakening and fading enough to be noticeable by people… perhaps also himself… Yuna returning to Yevon in some capacity could just as likely be her looking for a means to keep feeding power to this summoning she’s doing so she doesn’t lose him. And what kind of consequences does it have to do this? He’s being summoned, but he’s not actually an Aeon. He’s not an Unsent, he’s not just being beckoned. He wasn’t even real, he was a dream in a summon held together by the raw power of Yu Yevon turning into Sin. The Moonflow overflowing and seeing a long-dead shoopuf is the least of the consequences. The Farplane is delicate, it requires careful maintenance, and here Yuna is shoving her foot in the door and holding it open for a solid year! And no one knows she’s doing this! Spira’s past is full of history, some of that long-buried secrets that no one was supposed to find again. Sin wasn’t supposed to be able to come back, but the ghosts aren’t staying ghosts anymore (“Lulu: I mean Sin came back, right? What’s to stop anything else from coming back?”).

Even people who only know her by reputation seem to think she’s acting strangely (“Kurgum: I thought Lady Yuna was… a righteous person.”), because something is wrong and no one can put their finger on what. Who would have the pieces to put any of this together, and who would even suspect Yuna in the first place? She’s actively not getting involved in politics, she’s locked herself in Besaid, she seems reluctant to answer someone she worked with and should be amicable with now (Baralai).

I think the story should follow down this path, I think it should find Yuna at the end of it, once savior and now destroyer. She’s willing to let the world rip apart in order to keep Tidus, and I think that’s a compelling premise for X-3. The past surging forward like ghosts, vengeful and lost and wanted and terrifying. Who sides with Yuna (Wakka, Lulu) and covers up the problem? Who bands together to face down the High Summoner (Tidus, Rikku)? Who doesn’t know where to place their allegiance, or who changes sides when they realize the extent of what Yuna’s hiding? What does she do when she’s faced with her friends, and the person she loves so much, telling her to stop?

There’s a line in Eternal Calm where Yaibal (named in X-2 but not in the movie itself), after asking about whether or not she’d be joining one of the factions, if she’d be making a faction of her own. And I think in this potential X-3, she’s making her own faction through the actions of becoming antagonist. She’s made Wakka cover for her, she acts in a way that make Lulu and Wakka both protect her regardless of whether or not they know what she’s doing. I think it would be so fascinating to make this a conscious decision on her part. Things have broken so utterly, and she’s desperate to hold them together, and becomes the antagonist in the process.

Squeenix would never do it, they’d never be so bold as to make Yuna the antagonist and follow through on this trajectory of her lying to people to hide that she’s the one breaking the world in half (up to returning the ghost of Sin itself to terrorize Spira). Sin isn’t the final boss in this one, it’d have to be Yuna, we have to stop her and fix what went wrong. It’s not ever gonna happen, but I still think Yuna should be the antagonist of X-3.

#Final Fantasy X #Final Fantasy X-2 #Final Fantasy X-3 #FFX #FF10 #meta #theorycrafting #personal #Let me weave you a really compelling bridge out of the malarky I know of post X-2 content #I promise you that Yuna is the antagonist in this scenario and Squeenix are cowards who’d never do it #Tega writes #it's under the read more #I did not go whole hog into the entire plotting out I did I've just introduced the premise #I had a deep conversation with my RBB writer involving my interpretations #He introduced other ideas that were rad #I don't have an exit strategy though #as in I have no idea how the game would resolve in this projected scenario #or how I would WANT it to resolve #I came up with a ''good'' ending that's tailor made to feel bad about your choices lmao #but that's not what I think the true ending would be #anyway none of that is specifically about how Yuna should be the antagonist #it's more like the delicious possibilities while the plot leads you to that conclusion #there was a lot and I already wrote nearly 2k words just to explain this much #I have to sort out the rest still it's stream of consciousness discord messages

[dduane]

OK so listen: I am the same age-ish as both the illustrious Mr. Gaiman and, I believe, you. So when you wrote the first Wizard book I was closer to having a kid, not reading like one. Still, I will read nearly anything, my mother used to tease me b/c if all there was to read at breakfast was the cereal box, I'd be reading it. I've read a LOT of books.

Just read SYWTBAW. Not to state the ridiculously obvious but it was well worth the 6-week wait (at the NYPL no less, who has plenty of copies). The rest of the series, of course, are now on my waitlist.

2 questions for you:

1: Should I read them in order? Will it make a difference to story arc/character development?

2: Did you pick Schenectady off a map/resource or have you actually been there and were speaking from personal knowledge? Double funny b/c aforementioned kid has lived there.

I'm so glad I found you and your work. Thanks for being such a nice person and fantastic writer (and cook, huh?)

...Yeah, I'm not a bad cook. (Though my most effective education in the art came from the gents on whom Tom Swale and Carl Romeo are based.) :) ...And I've got a shade less than a decade on @neil-gaiman. But once you're past 50, these differences don't matter so much, as you'll no doubt have been noticing. Especially among fellow cereal-box readers.

Meanwhile, I'm glad you liked So You Want To Be A Wizard! (And NYPL kept you waiting six weeks for a copy?? WTF. ...But I guess that means their available copies are in demand, so I shouldn't complain.)

Re: reading in order: In this series's case, I do recommend sticking with the publishing order, as there's a definite events arc... and as part of that, both plots and character development become more complex as time goes on. (Possibly a symptom of the author coming to a better understanding of the world she was building. Who knows.)

And re: Schenectady: I've been in and out a few times during trips upstate, but the main reference is to an old joke of Harlan Ellison's. He used to get a lot of questions from people at conventions who wanted to know where he got his ideas. Harlan eventually took to answering "Schenectady," claiming there was some kind of useful-idea warehouse up there... so that when he felt he was running low, he'd get on the phone to them and do a bulk order. (snicker) It was a favored riff. He kept adding unlikely stuff to it as time went by. Eventually I asked to borrow the locale-bit of the shtick, and he said "okay".

Anyway: glad you're planning to follow up on the series. When you run out of the in-traditional-print material, you may want to have a look at Ebooks Direct. There's more YW material over there, including at least one non-main-sequence novel, the offshoot Feline Wizards series, and a batch of novella-length works. (Not to mention the revised, updated-timeline New Millennium Edition ebook versions of the main sequence.)

Meanwhile: hope you enjoy what lies before you! :) And thanks for letting me know you liked the first one.

#So You Want To Be A Wizard #Young Wizards series

[kimthwariru]

Like the wind

pairing: Taehyung x reader

(+Jungkook)

genre: smut, enemies to lovers, angst, collage au, rich kid!Taehyung

Masterpost

Chapter 3: flashbacks

You were used to having cold showers by now. You’d first tried it when you’d read on some health site that it was supposed to help with skin and stress. You didn’t know about the skin part, but you truly felt way more relaxed when you showered with cold water. You’d get so distracted with how cold it was, that there was no time to overthink—a task you often did while showering. Something you truly did not need right now.

Because there was a list of questions in your head waiting to be checked out. Questions you had no answers to, and would probably never get.

Why was Kim Taehyung such an asshole?

Why did he act the way he did?

Why did he fuck you over like that?

How can someone place a bet over who they’re fucking?

That dude was disgusting, but what was worse was the fact that, for mere moments, you’d fallen for his lies. You thought that maybe, there was something there. That maybe that boy you’d met years ago was starting to resurface.

But no. Kim Taehyung was a fucking monster who didn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own.

Frustration clawed at your chest as you closed your eyes under the ice cold water.

Your mind travels to Marloom 4 years ago, a port near Outfield where fishermen and boat crew mostly lived. It was probably the poorest region outside the wall, which was why you were so surprised when you saw Taehyung there, sitting at the edge of the deck, his bare feet brushing along the waves. He was like a picture.

“y/n!” He’d called out “check this out” he’d showed you a book you’d been trying to get your hands on forever which unfortunately, was limited edition and way out of your budget.

“No way!!” You smiled “How did you even manage to get that?”

He shrugged his shoulders “The publishing company works for my dad” he handed it to you “it’s yours”

“You’re kidding!?”

“No, take it. Read it and tell me if it’s worth the trouble.”

“Of course I will. Thanks, Tae”

He smiled at that, but his expression quickly faded into a sad grimace “Hey, are you alright? What are you doing in Marloom anyway?”

“I don’t feel lonely here. Local folks don’t even recognize my face, to them I am just a teenager, not Kim Taehyung, so they will scold me for chasing ducks, yell when I steal the ropes to climb some tree… there’s even an old lady that gives me these vanilla cookies every Sunday, somehow they make me feel less lonely”

You’d basically forgotten that Kim Taehyung was this well known prince of Hashfield that would take his father’s place one day. His face would feature in many magazines. ‘Prince Charming’ was one of the many nicknames given to him by the media, but, to you, he’d always been Tae.

“Did I tell you about the novella I’ve been reading?” You tried to change the subject the minute you saw his eyes turning sad. Today would’ve been a month since his mother had left without even saying goodbye, or where she was going.

“About the knight who doesn’t know whether to speak or die.? I think you told me already.”

Obviously you had mentioned it and forgotten. “Yes.”

“Well, does he or doesn’t he?”

A handsome young knight is madly in love with a princess. And she too is in love with him. Though she seems not to be entirely aware of it.

Despite the friendship the blossoms between them or perhaps because of that very friendship, the young knight finds himself so humbled and speechless

He knows they are from two different worlds. The princess was to marry soon, and he’d be serving the new king until the day he died.

So, despite his feelings, he's totally unable to bring up the subject of his love.

Till one day he asks the princess point blank

Is it better to speak or to die?

“Better to speak, she said. But she’s on her guard. She senses a trap somewhere.” You replied

“So, does he speak?”

“No, he fudges.”

“Figures. People never say what they truly feel”

“If you speak, you risk rejection, or worse. The knight could be exiled from the kingdom. . .But if you don't speak, then you keep the words inside you, you essentially kill them, let them die with you, and you risk nothing. Which one would you choose?”

His honey eyes reached yours and for a second you’d forgotten your name. “I’m not sure which would be more suitable…”

He made a pause.

“To expose your depth and your darkness, to expose the most personal parts of yourself? To present yourself to the world with your skin flipped inside out? Or to keep a fire bubbling within, never unburdening yourself by letting go of the passionate energy pounding in your lungs? To suffocate, never releasing the words from your throat. To die with a legacy or to have your beliefs, mind, thoughts remain unknown, to let your mind leave with your body. A well known library book or a diary that has never been invaded. Realistically, I’d choose to die, but I knew I would regret it later on”

You loved the way his mind worked. The way he’d analyze situations the same way you did. But you couldn’t help but see he was in sorrow, his eyes would wonder around, because maybe if they met yours for too long they’d uncover how hurt he was. “Look I know you don’t wanna talk about it. . .but what you said earlier, about feeling lonely. I feel like that all the time. I’m only saying this because I want you to know you’re really not alone in that feeling. In case you think you are.”

He averted his stare from the sea to your eyes “You know what’s really funny? When I seem to get really lonely you’re the person that happens to be there…and…I guess, I’m lucky for that because you seem to have a soothing effect on me. You know, the things I would normally worry about, they don’t really feel that warring when I talk to you”

Fuck.

You close your eyes and let the water drops his your face. Cold showers were the only thing that prevented you from overthinking, but it looks like this time, your thoughts had taken over.

Taehyung P.O.V

It was cold.

Not that he expected to find warmth and comfort, but he couldn’t help but notice it seemed to be colder than usual. While he walked down the silent corridors, Taehyung wondered when was the last time this house had felt like a home, and not just a shelter with a roof under which he barely existed.

He guesses it was a long time ago. Before his mother had left. The process took him back to a long lost summer, too many years ago, when the walls were still vibrating with life and happiness. That there was even a time in which he had walked barefoot, with just his trunks on in the middle of the winter, without feeling cold, was such a preposterous thought he sometimes wondered whether it had really happened at all, or it was just a fantasy his mind had made up.

It was not a fantasy, and he knew it.

Taehyung knew there was a time he had loved his life, and that he was believed to be destined for greatness. To inherit this big empire his dad had carefully laid out for him.

All bullshit. 

He quickly pushed these pointless thoughts to the corner of his mind where they belonged, to focus on the more pressing matter of why his house had suddenly become as cold as the Antarctic. The answer to that question came when he noticed that every single fireplace was empty.

“Fucking hell” he muttered

It was Maya’s fault - as always - but he couldn’t bring himself to summon their head maid to tell her she had yet again forgotten to light the fire, mostly because it would have just made her cry for thirty minutes, promising him that she’d be more attentive next time. But no matter how many times Maya promised, she always forgot and, to be honest, he didn’t care any more.

Taehyung was conscious this house had long lost its past glory, with the cold that now covered every piece of furniture and treasure his family had been so proud of. He vaguely remembered his father showing off a miniature greek statue of Achilles, whose head was covered in gold, to a distinguished member of the British Royal family, and wondered what his old man would have thought if he knew his son had used the priceless treasure as a target, and had concluded its existence by flinging the remains into the fire.

 After having lit all the fireplaces, he sank heavily into an old velvet armchair and grabbed the bottle on the small table on his left. Not even bothering to acknowledge what it was - honestly it didn’t make any difference - he uncorked it and began to drink straight from the neck.

Irish.

It was definitely Irish whiskey. Although not The Macallan, or perhaps it was just the shittiest bottle ever produced by that brand.

Taehyung took another long swig, Macallan or not it perfectly served its aim. Unfortunately, his busy drinking was interrupted by the sudden appearance of their head maid, Maya.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, sir,” she squeaked in her high-pitched voice, “but mister Logan has come to see you.”

He closed his eyes and set his jaw, mentally cursing his bad luck. “Where is he now?”

“I’m here.”

Logan Everett’s slow deep voice forced Taehyung to lift his eyelids. Time hadn’t been kind to the former Minister of justice, the black of his hair had long ago disappeared to make room for a pure white, his forehead wrinkled and it seemed he needed aid from an emerald embedded cane in order to stand up straight. But time hadn’t been kind to Taehyung either, so he wisely opted to not share his thoughts.

“Hello, uncle Logan” were the words he greeted him with instead, after dismissing Maya with a nod, and before lifting his left arm to offer him the liquor. “Want some? I’m afraid it’s not Macallan but it gets the job done”

Logan twisted his lips into a disapproving grimace as he proceeded to sit on the armchair opposite to him. “It’s 5 o’clock in the afternoon, Taehyung.”

“Do I have to take that as a no, thank you ?”

“Obviously.”

Was it ten years ago? He recalls that’s the last time he’d seen Logan Everett this close. He’d phone Taehyung from time to time, make sure he wasn’t drunk driving himself into a ditch, but other than that, Taehyung’s godfather was nothing but a ghost in his life.

His father’s best friend.

Funny, considering Logan was somewhat of a decent human being, or just, a human being—unlike his father. When his mother was still here, Logan along with his late wife vacationed with them every summer. Taehyung remembers himself running around in Verona, Italy. Logan chasing after him.

It was warm then, unlike now; Taehyung was freezing.

“Is he here? Your father?”

Taehyung took his time to drink again and then shook his head. “No.” Thankfully

“Does he plan to come back soon?”

“As far as I know, he is having the time of his life finalizing some deal in Germany so… no.” He cocked his eyebrows while staring at his Godfather. “What do you need from him?”

To state that the relationship between Logan and his father had deteriorated was an utter underestimation, since the two of them had barely spoken in those long years. When Taehyung had asked why —when he still cared—the cryptic answer Logan gave him was “he destroyed something I cared about”

Nothing surprising there. Ruining others’ lives was his father’s expertise, as Taehyung knew from first hand experience.

“I heard he’s getting you engaged with the Arden family.”

“I’m not getting engaged with anyone” Taehyung replied immediately, taking another sip of Irish while his eyes stayed on the older man.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s your choice to make, kid”

“Uh I’m pretty sure I can’t get engaged if I don’t consent. My dad may be rich but he is not God. Besides, what’s the worst he could do? Exile me from Hashfield? He’d be doing me a favor”

“You’re speaking nonsense” Logan’s hands wrapped around the cane in frustration “Believe it or not, The wall is here to protect you son. To get to the level of wealth your father is right now, he had to make a lot of enemies, powerful people, who would love nothing but his only heir outside the wall, unprotected.”

Every word Logan spoke made less sense than the other “What do you even mean?”

“The less you know the better” There was no hesitation in Logan’s speech. He slowly got up and paced towards Taehyung. Resting a palm in his shoulder “You’re getting older Taehyung, you’re not a little boy anymore.” There was a pause “Get engaged with the Arden Lady. . .people like us, living in our world, we don’t marry for love… but power. We build walls higher than the rest, because we have way more to loose”

The smell of expensive paint, deodorant, high-end perfume, and cigarettes entered your nostrils as you opened the door.

“You need anything madam?” Celine’s maid greeted you, making you feel more out of place than ever. Maids, palaces for homes and stadium like gardens made you question your existence in Hashfield everyday.

“No, thank you” you honeyed your voice. These people were working class—like you. You’ve seen the way insiders treated their staff and it made you sick to your stomach every time, you figure that’s how they’d treat you had you not been accepted into Hashfield College.

“This way, madam”

You look around.

Imagine the interior of the Palace of Versailles—or perhaps those gorgeous buildings in Florence were more like it— gold, marble, mirrors. Large and heavy-looking curtains draped down the sides of the extensive windows and the floor was this sturdy polished oak wood. The contrast between the light colours and the dark ones was just perfectly balanced. It was extraordinarily aesthetically pleasing. You felt so out of your league you thought you’d stain the place.

Underneath all the chemicals you perceived, you could distinguish the smell of wood, which was probably because of the floor. Your eyes glazed over the gorgeous cream-coloured walls, which were decorated with the most awe-inspiring golden ornaments. The place was definitely for the elite. And if the walls weren’t a perfect indication then the silk, ruby red, one of a kind dress Celine was wearing certainly was.

“Y/n!, hey! what’s up?” Jin called you out the minute he laid eyes on you. He’d been extra protective this week, texting you every day to see if you wanted him to bring god damn ice cream like it would make this whole ‘bet’ scandal go away.

It was sweet of him, it really was, but the embarrassment that washed over you when everyone learned about the bet Taehyung had made over who was going to fuck you first, was not going to get better with fucking ice cream.

“Hey guys” you acknowledged everyone in the room. You hadn’t made eye contact with Zed since that night—and you weren’t planning on making any today—your stomach dropped to your knees every time you thought about what had happened.

Kim Taehyung fucked up the relationship between the only insiders you hanged out with.

“Y/n, you know we’ve all been talking about how much of a dick Taehyung is…” Jiyeon started. An apologetic look on her face.

Fucking great.

You specifically had texted Jin about wanting to avoid this situation. He’d promised this would just be a simple hang out with friends, maybe drink a little wine to pass the time and then go back home.

You did not want to talk about the bet that had been placed without your consent. Especially in front of Zed who was swirling his whiskey like it was freaking talking to him.

“What he did was… terrible, he’s always been such an A-hole to girls. But betting over such a thing?” She shook her head “That’s low. Even for him”

“True” added Celine

“Guys. Really. It’s fine” you tried to mask your emotions with a smile “Can we talk about something else?. . . Anything”

• • •

Billie Holiday played softly from the pool radio. Condensation dripped down crystal glasses, and silverware glinted in the bright sunlight. It was a chilly October afternoon, the steady breeze being the perfect interlude.

The chairs were soft, the food was good, and the wine was worth twice your house, but it could only be so comfortable having dinner with a bunch of insiders.

“Anyway, I heard the Arden family is settling matters with The Kim cooparation—”

“Jiyeon.” The word was a low warning from Zed’s spot at the table.

She rolled her eyes and took a deep drink of wine, but she spoke no more.

You couldn’t care less about this conversation. What Taehyung’s father did was none of your business, they could all go drown and you wouldn’t think about it twice—or once— for that matter.

You always pondered Jiyeon’s and Zed’s relationship though. They did appear to find each other annoying, Zed would talk shit about Jiyeon sometimes and so would she. But then you figure, most of these insiders weren’t really friends with each other, they just existed in the same place at the same time. Much like now. Including yourself.

Jin—your only actual friend among these people— was sitting next to you though hadn’t said a word, except for some oddly-timed chuckling. His mind was clearly traveling somewhere else.

Trevor was apparently already devouring his third stake. Making another rude remark towards the house server while downing what seemed to be a liter of Syrah wine all by himself.

And then there was Celine. Whom you knew was the person that tolerated you less from here and didn’t care about not making it obvious.

Celine was your polar opposite. Where you were quiet, she spoke with abandon and laughed loudly. Where you were demure, well . . . she’d stuck her gum to her cloth napkin before eating her pasta, twirling it around the fork at least a hundred times to make sure nothing was getting spilled on her precious dress.

Low chatter and the scraping of silverware filled the yard, but beneath that lay a tense air that wouldn’t dissipate, an uncomfortable vibe the breeze wouldn’t take with it. Everyone seemed to be easily chatting amongst themselves, so maybe it was just you. You tried to brush it off.

Jiyeon —despite Zed’s orders— didn’t stay quiet for long, though she no longer spoke about insider business gossip. She changed the subject to horse racing. That was an acceptable conversation many joined in on.

However you couldn’t help but think about the question Taehyung had made.

“Why are you here?”

Why were you here? Hashfield is a cold shallow place that’s filled with people you don’t like. Their view of the world was so superficial, human relationships were glib, basically meaningless. No one cared what values their friend had, as long as they had more than five cars on their parking lot.

You couldn’t be more different. Your favourite literary period was the Romantic for crying out loud. . .and it was the same for music and art. There was something about the music from the Romantic period which enamoured you. Genuine emotions came through the music. Every time you listened to Chopin, something rooted inside you pushed you to dance. Perhaps the expressiveness, emotions, and escapism were the factors that drew you towards the Romantic period. You wanted to waltz through a room, carefree. Your body moving along to one of Chopin’s masterpieces instead of sitting across from a bunch of insiders.

Maybe you were a coward, but you were glad you didn’t have to sit near Zed. You were carrying out this carefree facade all evening and had a polite response for anything—as inappropriate as the comments could sometimes be when insiders were drinking—but with him, words were at a loss for you. You felt tongue-tied around him, tilted off your point of gravity, and truthfully just embarrassed, as though a blush permanently warmed your skin. It might be unpleasant speaking to him, but it was too easy to look in his direction.

You cringed as you recall what had happened.

-One week ago, Clair’s party-

Your mother used to smoke at the kitchen table in her nightgown after she and your father would scream the house down. So, naturally, you’d picked up her habit of smoking during stressful times.

With your cheeks burning in anger and the cigarette in your hand, it wasn’t lost on you that the apple really doesn’t fall that fucking far from the tree. Kim Taehyung was a fucking asshole just like his father was rumored to be. But for whatever reason, you realize that you’re more mad at yourself for thinking the opposite for even a second.

You closed your eyes and mentally cursed at yourself when you saw Zed approach you.

“Kim Taehyung” Zed’s voice was a low growl “What a fucking idiot”

“Yeah Zed, I know. That bet was stupid and embarrassing and I’m sorry you got dragged down into it-“

“I mean—is he out of his mind? If I was really trying to fuck you I’d be working much harder, trust me. . . Who does he think he is? He thinks he’s better than me or something?”

Wow.

That was definitely not the reaction you were expecting. Zed was a fucking idiot. He’s obviously intoxicated— but you like to call alcohol the truth serum, so yeah, fuck him.

“Oh really? That’s what you’re so mad about? That you think you could fuck me first?” you let anger sip into your tone

Zed’s eyes widened in embarrassment when he realized his tongue had run faster than his brain “No, y/n look—“ he stammered “all I’m saying is he shouldn’t have placed that bet alright? I mean, I wouldn’t want to fuck you anyway”

You gave him a deadly stare

“That came out wrong! I’m sorry—all I’m trying to say is-“

“Honestly, I bet that whatever you’re trying to say isn’t even important, so how about you get out of my sight?”

Why was it such a surprise to you that Zed was as much of an asshole as the others?

You kept feeling naive lately.

Lunch continued with meaningless chatter, good food and drink, but the tension never dissipated. It sat there, uninterrupted. Like an echo before the words were even spoken.

You remember the first time you met Mina and Namjoon. They were both decently shy kids that gravitated towards each other because their mums were best friends. Seokjin came on later in the picture, Mina was skeptical about him at first because he was an insider, but his true colors surfaced and everyone realized he was a decent human being unlike the rest of them. Eventually, you four became close and the rest was history.

“Feels good to party outside the wall after so long huh?” Seokjin’s smile had basically reached his ears as he handed you a drink

“You can’t imagine” you quickly agreed “I’d forgotten people actually danced at parties”

“How did Mina manage to make such cool friends in Uni? I swear she self diagnosed herself with social anxiety last year.” Namjoon added

“I heard that, asshole” Mina suddenly made an appearance from Namjoon’s back. “And I promised my self I’d change unlike you” she downed what was left of her drink “You’ve made like… two new friends? And one of them is your cousin” she burst a laugh.

But her laughter soon faded away once she made eye contact with you “How are you doing?” She made a pause “Kim Taehyung. That asshole, I hope his house burns down or something.”

“He has like three whole mansions” you rolled your eyes and smiled at her

“Whatever” she took a sip

Four drinks in was when you decided that a bathroom break was more needed than you’d thought.

Stumbling a bit along the narrow hallway, you managed to find your way into the bathroom. To be fair, it was much easier to navigate a normal house as opposed to the three story mansions you were used to these past months.

“Ahh somebody would think you’re stalking me, angel“

Your heartbeats collided with a crash at the familiarity of the voice.

A burning rush of recognition ran down your spine as you met Jungkook’s heavy gaze. Brown doe eyes hugged by thick long eyelashes and a killer smile.

Jungkook was so much more dangerous than he looked. But that was what made him lethal. Because just by looking at those sweet eyes and that picture perfect smile, you wouldn’t be able to imagine how easy it would be for him to break your heart.

What was he even doing here? This was a one hour drive from Hashfield, and a party filled with people that didn’t really match his ‘status’.

You weren’t curious enough to ask.

“Move” was what you spat at him instead.

“Damn y/n. . . You’re breaking my heart”

Why had your name rolled of his tongue like he was more than familiar with it? Well you guess, because it was. . . Considering the fling you two had back in the day.

Another experience ruined by Kim Taehyung.

“Oh I’m sure you’ll get over it. Now, move”

He smiled.

An outrageous smile.

“Since when did you become such an ice queen?”

An even more outrageous question. “Uhh I don’t know, maybe since you and your little friends constantly fucked me over?” It’s ridiculous that you’re even talking to him right now, but somehow you couldn’t hold yourself back.

This hallway was narrow, narrower than you’d like. So when you tried to make your way past him, it was easy for him to pull you back with a simple hand movement.

He suddenly seemed to get ahold of his drunk self “Y/n about that… I just wanted to say I’m sorry, it was a shitty thing to do”

“Yeah, you think?” You don’t hold back the anger and bitterness sip into your tone, Jungkook deserved nothing less. “Let go”

An evil grimace formed, and the way he slightly came closer made your stomach drop. “I don’t really want to”

“I can smell the alcohol in your breath, Jungkook. Let go”

“I can assure you I’m very sober right now” he followed your order and took a step back, letting your hand slide down his fingers

You hadn’t talked to Jungkook since the whole fiasco between you him and Taehyung, yet this moment was enough to remind you the pull he had on you.

An annoying pull you had no control over.

“Y/n, I really am sorry. . . About everything”

You took a long sight, forgiving Jungkook for all the bullshit he’d done in the past was not on today’s to-do list. “Apologizing doesn’t take what you did back. It just puts me in a shitty position of having to decide wether you’re worth forgiving or not.”

“I know. I know. It’s selfish of me to say it now but uhm, I don’t think I’d get another chance so…”

“I get it, but I don’t think I’m ready to forgive you Jungkook.” You breathed in a shallow breath as you walked passed him and got into the bathroom.

It was the right thing to do. Jungkook was not the person you needed to talk to right now.

You closed your eyes and the mumbled music brought you back to the last time you had actually talked to him.

Outfield central club, two years ago

“I’m telling you pink brings out your eyes you should wear it more often” you jokingly pushed his shoulder. Jungkook didn’t need any color to bring out his eyes, they did a fine job being the center of attention on their own.

He smiled and pulled you closer by grabbing your waist. A signature move of his, you’d wondered how many girls had fallen for that trick. “There you go, romanticizing me again” he stood still but his eyes burned with intensity. “It’s too late for me, angel. I destroy everything beautiful that comes into my life”

That was not entirely wrong.

Sure, you and Jungkook had become extremely close this past year, the closest you’d been with an insider besides SeokJin and well, Kim Taehyung. But you felt comfortable around him, playboy reputation aside, there were times when he seemed genuine, sincere and kind.

Despite his rumors, Jungkook was not a bad person, which is surprising considering he hanged out with the devil himself, Kim Taehyung.

You and Jungkook clicked. You liked the same bands, enjoyed the same movies felt the same way when Jenna Jones and Brandy broke up. (She was too good for him)

“I don’t believe that. I think you’ve just convinced yourself that your not worth something serious because when you start to really care about someone it scares you”

His eyes got bigger “I care about you, and I’m not all that scared”

Gosh with the way he was smiling right now he had to have known how much you’d been crushing over him this past year.

You sighted. You wanted to put a chink in the ice he wore like armor. Stepping closer you ran a finger across his jawline, your voice soft “You have such a handsome face. Does it always get you everything you want?”

“Almost”

There was something so significant about that single word it put a hitch in your breath. “I bet one look from you can make women swoon at your feet”

He grow, probably annoyed that you brought up his popularity again. “Yet here you stand, perfectly not swooned”

You laughed lightly “Oh I wouldn’t say that”

He stared down at you.

You stared up at him.

As a corner of his lips lifted, You realized you were amusing him. “What?” You broke the silence

“Nothing” he shook his head “I shouldn’t really be here, Taehyung would kill me”

“What does Taehyung have to do with this?” You said firmly. Pretending the mere mention of his name didn’t bring your blood to boil.

“He’s just weird about me talking with you. He thinks we shouldn’t mix” he let out a breath

“We? As in. . . outsiders and insiders?”

He was a fucking asshole

“Cmon angel. . . You know how he is”

“Well, fuck him” You said, trying to take a step back, but his hand went to your lower back and drifted to the top of your ass. Your stomach tightened with unease.

Jungkook had always been subtly inappropriate—his fingers just grazing things they shouldn’t. Close enough to make you pleasantly uncomfortable, but not too close to where it would be considered something. If he went further, would you be able to handle it?

Jungkook pulled back to look you in the eye, but his hand didn’t leave you. Something crawled under your skin. You realized at this moment why you couldn’t escape the spell he seemed to have everyone under.

He buried his head on your neck before pulling back again “I could smell you all day, you know that?”

You stared at his big bright innocent eyes. Jungkook was the picture perfect son, or that’s what every magazine wrote, at least. He was kind and flirty to everyone, and could make every person in the room feel happy just by flashing a smile. That’s why he was so popular in the media. But what you found the most intriguing about his appearance, however, was the dark ink that showed through his white dress shirt. It was vague, but you thought it went all the way from his shoulder to the gold watch on his wrist. Jeon Jungkook had a full sleeve. You knew that «good kid» look was all smoke and mirrors.

He was looking at you as if he’d felt you observing him “I feel like you get lost in that head of yours sometimes” his smile was a soft one, the one he’d flash the paparazzi sometimes when he wanted to take an innocent looking picture.

“What can I say, thinking is my favorite hobby” you joked

“So. . . what do you think about me?” That smile never left his face

That you’re dangerous “I can be honest?”

“Please be”

“I was skeptical about you at first, I mean, your crowd, you know, they don’t have the best reputation, especially amongst outsiders. But as I got to know you, I’ve found that you’re the best exception to the rule ever”

“I am?” His eyes looked as if he’d succeeded at something

“Yeah, you are” your pulse leapt into your throat at the thought of your next words “I think I really like you, Jungkook—”

His name wasn’t even properly out of your mouth yet his lips locked on top of yours. He sucked slightly on your bottom lip, and he tasted as sweet as his reputation had been.

It was two days later that Taehyung had told everyone Jungkook hitting on you was a total prank.

You felt destroyed, defeated, because you had honestly fallen for Jungkook, but the disgust took every single feeling away. It took over your body for months, and you cried it out until you felt numb to it.

How shitty does a person have to be to do that? Yet how easily could you forget everything Taehyung had done to you? Your mind took you back to the «sober corner» and reminded you of everything you and Taehyung did together. But mostly what was more fucked up was how intense your feelings were for him. A person that never did right by you.

You closed your eyes shut and with a deep breath you let all the anger wash out of you. You decided that the pitty party was over as you had a very real party waiting for you on the other side of that door.

• • •

It had maybe hit four when Namjoon had finished throwing up for the third time tonight.

“What do you think y/n? Three or four months of teasing for this?” Mina bumped you in the shoulder

“I don’t know Mins” you let a laugh out “Let him live a little, he’s had a rough week”

So had you.

“You turned soft y/n, is it the change of the wall?” She teased

“Oh yes! Cause being around insiders all day turns me into such a softie!”

She chuckled at that but after a moment her eyes turned serious “You sure you don’t want to talk bout it?”

“Mina, don’t” you warned “Talking about it won’t change anything”

“It might change how you feel”

“I doubt it” You faked a smile, knowing Mina wouldn’t buy it anyway “So tell me all about that guy from the Kim’s firm!! What was his name? C something? It definitely had an E there was well—”

“Cedric, his name is Cedric” she rolled her eyes “Yeah well, I think he likes me. . . I mean he was aallll over me earlier” she smiled to herself.

“Well duh!!” You made a noise of acknowledgment, not surprised it had taken her this long to come to that assumption. The obvious was like a well hidden secret in Mina’s eccentric mind. Surprising, as she’d always aced her schoolwork, read people like a morning paper and had more friends than you could ever hope for.

“And I kept thinking, maybe there’s a reason he manspreads so much? He is big. Then I began to worry, so I started looking up pictures—well, videos—of men his size, naked, and that only made me worry more.”

“You were watching porn.” You said, deadpan, leaning by the side of Seokjin’s car while he fed Namjoon what seemed to be a hotdog? Where did he even get that?

She tilted her head “Yeah, I guess that’s what it’s called.” She turned around and followed your gaze “Okay where the hell did he get that hotdog from? I’m starving”

“Mina!! Hello? You were watching. . .” You lowered your voice “porn, for a guy? To like what? Prepare yourself? See if he’d fit?” A laugh escaped you but when Seokjin shot you a glare you turned it into a cough.

“Anywayyyys” she said as she opened the car door “Speaking of Cedric, I’ve got news!”

“Oh” was what you said when you got in the car, guessing the next sentence that’d come out of her mouth wasn’t going to be your favorite thing in the world.

“The Kim and Arden family are trying to make the engagement official”

“Trying…?”

“Jesus y/n, you’re living under a rock. Too many books not enough TV”

“You’re going to be a great mum” you chuckled

“Taehyung is literally all over the media, apparently some paparazzi interviewed him on the street last night, he said, and I quote! What my father wants is non of my business, I would rather eat a bag of dirt” she stopped “A bag. Of. Dirt.” she jerked her head backwards laughing “Listen, I don’t like the dude, but he’s got balls”

Relief shouldn’t be what you’re feeling right now. “I see” you tried to sound indifferent, because that was the acceptable reaction, but something pounded inside of you.

“I mean, acting up like that? In front of cameras? ANNND against his dad’s word? Makes you wonder why he’s so against it, doesn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes “What are you implying, Mina?”

She had a puppy look on her face “Nothing! Nothing! I’m just sayinggg”

“He’s young, and a massive playboy” you sounded more angry than you should “He obviously doesn’t want to be caged like a pup. Besides, he can’t tolerate Brianna for more than a second”

“And you know that because…?” Mina was obviously teasing.

Fuck. “Well, you know he told me, Mina.”

Of course Mina knew, but Seokjin, who was driving, and Namjoon, who was sitting on the edge of the passenger sit looking out the window probably contemplating life and why he had so much to drink today, didn’t exactly know the details between you and Taehyung. And you’d like to keep it that way.

There was a silence “I know I was stupid to trust him okay? I just—“

“It’s not your fault, y/n” Seokjin’s voice made an appearance “It’s not your fault he’s an asshole.”

“I know, I get it”

“So all that anger, don’t place it on yourself” Namjoon’s voice was barely audible

“Sorry are we still talking about y/n or are you talking about your alcohol problem? Because I’m a little confused” Mina snorted, she was always the one to tease Namjoon yet she took care of him the most out of all of us.

You rolled down the window, allowing the autumn air to flow through the car. It was a beautiful night, the starriest it had been for a while now. Cold air brushed your skin as you drove back to Outfield, gazing the wall from afar and that’s all you used to do, but now you know the other side of it very well. In fact, you were more familiar with it than you’d like. Bitterness crawled up your throat.

Toward the end of November, the bet was long forgotten and everyone and their mother was focused on Taehyung’s so called engagement, or rather, the lack of it.

You didn’t care. Focusing on schoolwork was far more important. . .Or that’s at least the lies you’d been feeding yourself.

It was hard to avoid it, considering it was all everyone talked about. The Arden and Kim family were arguably Hashfield’s founding families, the possibility of those two historic houses merging had everyone on edge.

Well, except Taehyung, apparently.

Ever since the scandal interview he gave about a month ago, Kim Taehyung seemed to do the opposite of what his father wanted. According to Claire, there had been a succession of crushes, flings, one night stands, who knows. To you all of it boiled down to one thing only: his cock had been everywhere. It had been in god knows how many vaginas, how many mouths.

Without your concern, your gaze found him. The amphitheater was big enough, so he shouldn’t notice.

The image disgusted you. It bothered you to think of him between a girl’s legs as she lay facing him, his broad, tanned, glistening shoulders moving up and down. Just looking at his shoulders when he happened to be going over his notes made you wonder where they’d been last night. How effortless and free the movement of his shoulder blades each time he shifted, how thoughtlessly they caught the sun. Did they taste of the sea to the woman who had lain under him last night and bitten into him? Or of his suntan lotion?

You remembered the last time you’d seen his shoulders all exposed under the sun. It was three years a go, near the end of your friendship.

You were in your mother’s garden, he’d stop by to bring you a Nintendo for your birthday. You tried to tell him that you were going to be a junior this year and that he should cut it with the kid stuff, but you’d secretly wished for that Nintendo so badly.

“Listen, I need to pick up something in town.” he said.

Something was always weed.

“And here I was, thinking you came down to Outfield for my birthday”

He sat silently a moment. “I did.” cleared his throat “Want to come with me? It’s been a while since we rode our bikes together”

“Now?” What you might have meant was, Really?

“Why, have you got anything better to do?”

“No.”

“So let’s go.”

Kim Taehyung, billionaire, Kim Taehyung, riding on a bike instead of his panamera just because you’d convinced him it was fun two years ago was the funniest sight, ever.

When you arrived at the garage, Amir, was arguing with Kadir, as usual.

This time he was accusing him of dousing the tomatoes with too much water, and that it was all wrong, because they were growing too fast.

“They’ll be mealy,” Amir complained.

“Listen. I do the tomatoes, you do the driving, and we’re all happy.”

“You don’t understand. In my day you moved the tomatoes at some point, from one place to another, from one place to the other”—he insisted—“and you planted basil nearby. But of course you people who’ve been in the army know everything.”

Their heavy accents made everything a little lighter.

“That’s right.” Kadir was ignoring him.

“Of course I’m right. No wonder they didn’t keep you in the army.”

“That’s right. They didn’t keep me in the army.”

Both of them greeted the two of you. The gardener handed Taehyung his weed. “You have a familiar face kid. Ever since the first day you came out here, I’ve seen you before, I’m sure of it. Did you work in a farm nearby perhaps?”

A laugh escaped your lips at the thought of Kim Taehyung being a farmer, maybe in another life. Of course Kadir had seen Tae’s face hanging in magazines or blasted through the daily talking show, but he couldn’t exactly pin point it.

Taehyung caught your smiled and after eyeing you smiled back.

Amir couldn’t have been more peeved. “No farmer dresses like that, are you stupid? From now on, I talk to customers you grow the tomatoes”

Kadir gave a wry smile.

Once you two had reached the cypress lane that led onto the main road to town, you asked Tae, “Doesn’t he give you the creeps?”

“Who?”

“Amir.”

“No, why? I fell the other day on my way back and scraped myself pretty badly. Amir insisted on applying some sort of witch’s brew. He also fixed the bike for me.” With one hand on the handlebar he lifted his shirt and exposed a huge scrape and bruise on his left hip.

“Still gives me the creeps,” You said, repeating your aunt’s verdict.

“Just a lost soul, really.”

Lost soul.

On your way, you noticed that Tae was taking his time. He wasn’t in his usual rush, no speeding, no scaling the hill with his usual athletic zeal. Nor did he seem in a rush to go back to his precious wall, or join his new friends on the beach.

He’d been spending a lot of time with a new crowd, you didn’t really know them, nor were you interested. Rich snobby kids from far inside the wall, probably best to avoid them. It kind of bugged you that Tae had started hanging out with them so much, but you wouldn’t bring yourself to say anything.

Today he’d spend almost the entire day with you, perhaps he had nothing better to do.

When you arrived at the small café that overlooked the sea, Tae stopped to buy cigarettes. He had started smoking Gauloises. You had never tried Gauloises and asked if you could. He took out a cerino from the box, gently placed the cigarette in between your lips and by cupping his hands very near your face, lit your cigarette.

“Not bad, right?” he said after you took a puff

“Not bad at all.”

He didn’t like the fact that you’d picked up smoking, but he wasn’t any better so he decided not to scold you about it anymore.

“Just take a look at this,” he said as the two of you ambled with your bikes in the afternoon sun toward the edge of the café overlooking the rolling hills below.

Farther out and way below was a magnificent view of the sea with scarcely a few stripes of foam streaking the bay like giant dolphins breaking the surf. “Do you know about the wailing woman?” he asked suddenly.

“She threw her husband in the sea, thinking he was dead, but he had just been asleep for days due to some medication. He ended up drowning from the waves”

“You heard how she died?”

“The next night she took a bunch of sleeping pills and threw herself in the sea to drown as well” You replied and studied his pondering face.

“Do you know why she did that?”

“Because she thought that, if she died the same way her husband did, she’d meet him in the afterlife.”

Why was he quizzing you?

“Is there anything you don’t know?” he asked, his eyes a light caramel from the sun.

“I know nothing, Tae. Nothing, just nothing.”

“You know more than anyone around here.Anyone I’ve ever met”

Why was he returning your near-tragic tone with bland ego-boosting?

“If you only knew how little I know about the things that really matter.” you replied

“What kind of things?” It was as if he was starring down into your soul

How much you wanted to touch his hair which was slightly ruffled by the passing wind. How much you wanted him to come even closer, maybe enough to hear how fast your heart beat every time he was near you.

Tell him. It’s now or never.

Is it better to speak, or to die? “Nothing.”

You were treading water, trying neither to drown nor to swim to safety, just staying in place, because here was the truth—even if you couldn’t speak the truth, or even hint at it, yet you could swear it lay around the two of you, the way they say that if a necklace gets lost while swimming: You know it’s down there somewhere.

You focus back to the class. On the Present day, when Taehyung was just a mere asshole to you, nothing else. You hopefully averted your eyes fast enough so that he didn’t notice you staring at him for what was probably fifteen minutes now.

This class was boring, you blame the weariness that washed over you for the flashbacks you were having about him.

That version of Taehyung was long dead to you.

@nikkiordonez12 @travelleratheart101 @theaufanartist @world-moon @ratedbangtann @chimchoom @pnkoo @taehyungedd @turnthepageandbeburnt @glitteryouid @jkbangtan7 @chimchoom @thankyoublair @manuosorioh

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[moonshine-nightlight]

Hello! I Just wanted to let you know that I LOVED the published ver. of "Don't Shoot the Messenger". And I was so excited to hear that Dale and Sana's story might get published too.

At first I was really unsure about getting the book, as I didn't want to be disappointed if the changes made didn't translate well compared to the original. BUT YOU KNOCKED MY EXPECTATIONS RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm so excited for your future projects. And I wish you luck on your future publishing endeavours because I will be buying all future published books by you. And no one can stop me haha >:D

I also wanted to ask if there's a chance that any of your other previous works will also be published? Of course it's a huge effort of time and resources to publish something. But I do hold out hope that I might one day hold Heshi's story in my hands because truthfully it's such a comfort to me and I go back to it periodically to reread. I love that snakey boi. NO PRESSURE THO. If that's not in the cards, just the fact that it exists as a story is wonderful. Thank you so much for all the writing you do.

anyway, bye

@annjo-wolfe

hi! thanks so much! i really liked what DSM actually was and focused on my own edits and that of my editors just honing it to be the best version of itself - so i'm glad that came through and you liked it!

if ur interested in too much info about my self-publishing plans, pls see under the read more

Dale and Sana's story definitely will be self-published,its just a matter of when. it's also probably gonna get more tweaks than DSM due to the length and the way the story evolved over 2 years lol

thank you so much for your support and encouragement with publishing! i'm so happy people are excited about actually buying my stories lol

As for previous short stories that getting published, the answer is yes, i do have plans to publish them as well, they're just a lower priority for multiple reasons. firstly, me and everyone wants NWWD the most so its #1.

For 'Finally Woken' i actually already have the first 2 chapters converted to 3rd POV, however, its shorter than DSM and so would cost nearly as much to have edited but would sell for less (and amazon will try to tell me the spine is too narrow lol) so my current thoughts are to bundle it with 'Selfish' (helpfully already in 3rd person) and make a Naga Novella (called like 'Tangled Up in Tails' or something lol) with both of them in it so i can release it priced similarly to DSM.

For 'Sacrifice', i actually have plans to make that a 5 novella series about different forgotten deities returning to the same town, with 'Sacrifice' likely being offered as a cheaper, first book about a month or so before the second is published to get people into the series. the rest of the novellas would likely not go up on tumblr/AO3 at all and would only be published. i'd like to use this hypothetical series to see how that sort of model would work for me. i've planned out the 5 novellas to some extent but nothings really written yet besides 'Sacrifice'. as a complete project, its very low on my list after everything i'll b posting here and NWWD publishing, so since 'Sacrifice' is tied to that, its not likely to get published anytime soon.

For 'Snapped', i'd likely do something similar to 'Finally Woken' - write another short Sci-Fi/Alien story and bundle them together for publishing. However, i dont currently have anything written that would work so that's also a low priority evn if 'Snapped' is already 3rd POV.

I'm really excited to self-publish my work, but its expensive and what I've made from DSM has come nowhere close to covering my costs and likely won't. the only good thing is basically all the costs are up-front so its easy to jsut keep the books out there and making money when ppl buy it. i have a good job and am happy to spend my money to get my work out there and hope over time self-publishing will break-even, but that will take years at a minimum so it'll be slow going in the beginning.

my goal is to get everything self-published so it'll just be a matter of time - i too want to hold a copy of Heshi's story in my hands lol

thank you for all your support and giving me a chance to ramble about all my self-publishing plans!

#asks #self-publishing #nothing's wrong with dale #finally woken #sacrifice #selfish #snapped #my plans #who kows if they'll work out #if only i had lots and lots of money lol #i'm so glad people are interested #and i appreciate the chance to ramble a bit because i hav been thinking about all this #let me know if anyone has any other questions about all this #and i'll do my best to answer them

[goodluckclove]

For 150 followers, you voted on it - here's three chapters from Carnation, the novella I wrote at age twelve in 2009! It was my first attempt at NaNoWriMo, started about five days into November, and finished at the end of the month with just over 10k words.

It's not good. it really isn't. I make fun of it a lot, and I cringe a lot, and at the thought of posting it publicly is rough. But I'm doing it, because this is what got me writing. I didn't finish NaNo that year, but I tried again the next year and got to 50k. And then I did the same thing for years afterwards. And now I'm at the point where I don't even need the program to write a long-form project.

This was my start. It's self-indulgent as hell, and it's also poorly-paced and terribly characterized. I mean, I was twelve. But it's imaginative. There's a lot of imagination and just a severe lack of capable structure, but why would I be capable trying a new skill for the first time? It takes practice.

I don't know. You've all seen what I write now through my other excepts posted here. I figure anyone who thinks that there's no room in the artform for people working on getting better could benefit from this.

I left editing status on so you're welcome to roast young me alongside myself. Please, I welcome you.

Thank you for following my content and hearing my words. I hope you write or rest or find a cool bird or nice rock. I love you dearly.

#writing community #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #authors of tumblr #on writing #writing inspiration #writing inspo #personal growth #personal

[farizrz]

Anastasia G. (Author of GoE, SBTR, and OTI) comment about new book, Garden of Eden on her telegram. (Translate by deepl)

"Did we really wait?" - I wondered until the announcement came out.

Now (I'll allow it to be considered insane), Effie's mocking voice rang in my head with a not-so-encouraging wish:

"Happy Hunger Games and may luck always be with you."😞

For almost three months, I was in a languid wait for the release of the novella.

We chose an ambiguous setting and were undoubtedly worried about the audience's reaction.

You could see for yourself that most of the time I kept my mouth shut, made almost no comments (or responded, but ambiguously) and waited for the right moment to get back to you.

I hoped that the less I commented, the better chance I had of keeping my chosen plot and theme of the story from you. But what happened, alas, was otherwise (my fault for not keeping track in many ways🥲)

I won't lie that I reacted calmly to all sorts of statements (managed to prick me after all), but I won't close myself off from the audience. I've missed you guys since it's been a year already.

Thank you for listening to my verbal .... rebellion and outrage🐕 and now, straight to the point.

I am pleased to finally present to you my third novel, Garden of Eden.

We will dive into an exciting adventure that will present not only colorful moments, but also dark events with a small note of detective component.

📌Small note: regardless of my desire to show the thorny path of a K-pop idol with all its unpleasant components, I want to warn you that there will also be moments/scenes in the story where I simplify their burden a bit.

Otherwise, we wouldn't have time to get to know our favorites more closely and, in general, the romance would be relegated to little more than a tenth. By the way, this point will also be revealed quite uneasily in this setting.

🔺Now to the important news, which many people had time to discuss, but never learned all the subtleties and nuances.

Aleksandra is the lead writer of my story (not a co-author).

She controls part of the visuals in the novel, gives edits and makes sure that the initial plot moves in its own direction. She helps with the math part (she opened the door to the world of k-pop for me, and I threw all of my energy into learning it), and also makes sure that LL's relationship with you develops so that everyone is happy with their favorite.

I am a freelance writer who writes her story on her own.

I would like to thank Aleksandra for her help and support throughout our work together.

I sincerely hope you are pleased with it. Thank you for waiting and believing ❤️

#romance club game #romance club your story interactive #romance club #garden of eden #on thin ice #seduce by the rhythm

[misshallery]

a list of literary references in aitsf: nirvana initiative chapter titles

tidied up this ol' twitter thread. basically: every single chapter title in aini is a reference to a work of literature, i figured out most of them. here's an explanation of where they came from and what they mean. let us begin.

edit: some gaps filled in by the discord user aaabatteries! thank you!

"a strange tale"/"dispossessed"/"alone" (chapter 0) reference 'the turn of the screw' by henry james.

the framing device of this novella is a group of friends reading a manuscript written by someone else. ryuki being interrogated by mizuki is something of a framing device for what we perceive as his 'side' of the story, six years ago. this is also a quintessential piece of gothic fiction, which is famously concerned with the subconscious and repression- two themes aitsf is very interested in!

"anyone imagines"/"ought to know" (ryuki chapter 1) reference the bible verse corinthians 8:2

"If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know"

naix is an ideology that has the power of religion over its believers. this quotation reflects that people who don't believe in the ideology who think they understand the nature of the world (and believe it's real) are ignorant to the fact it's a simulation.

"nothing to be done"/"go" (ryuki chapter 2) reference 'waiting for godot' by samuel beckett

"nothing to be done" is something of a reoccurring joke in the play. much time is spent watching characters act aimlessly, accomplish little, and lack purpose. these chapters in the game have a lot to do with ryuki feeling frustrated by tokiko's indecipherable philosophical ramblings.

"farewell"/"joy for anguish"/"smile for tears" (ryuki chapter 3) reference 'farewell' by anne bronte.

"And who can tell but Heaven, at last, May answer all my thousand prayers, And bid the future pay the past With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?"

this poem is about the pain of saying goodbye to a loved one. of course, "saying goodbye" is a classic euphemism for death. these titles likely reference shoma reckoning with komeji's death. the joy/anguish duo are strange parallel chapters where komeji lives or dies.

"well known"/"mind of god" (ryuki c4 r1) reference 'a brief history of time' by stephen hawking

"If we do discover a theory of everything…it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason—for then we would truly know the mind of God."

these chapters introduce us to tearer as a character, who is, of course, closely linked to naix and their ideology. naix believe they understood the nature of human existence, and accomplished the goal of knowing 'the mind of god'.

"i found me"/"past its ken" (ryuki c4 r2) reference "the masked face" by thomas hardy

"I found me in a great surging space, I" At either end a door" ... "There once complained a goosequill pen To the scribe of the Infinite Of the words it had to write Because they were past its ken."

this poem is about people with a negative outlook who struggle to comprehend that there is more to the world than they know. shoma only believed in shallow simulation theory to justify his depression. "past its ken" means beyond one's established knowledge.

"not all a dream"/"she was the universe" (ryuki chapter 5 r1) reference "darkness" by lord byron

"I had a dream, which was not all a dream. The bright sun was extinguish'd" ... "Darkness had no need Of aid from them—She was the Universe."

this poem describes an apocalypse that resembles a natural disaster. fitting that this route leads to the explosion ending, involving the collapse of the underground cave. darkness becomes "the universe"- ryuki is traumatised.

"pass mildly away"/"end where i begun" (mizuki c1) reference "a valediction: forbidding mourning" by john donne

"As virtuous men pass mildly away, And whisper to their souls to go" … "Thy firmness makes my circle just, And makes me end where I begun."

this poem is about two lovers parting, but i think the game uses it to reflect platonic relationships. kizuna has lost bibi. bibi lost mizuki. mizuki lost date. family members who love each other deeply have been apart for a long time.

"the expense of spirit"/"hell" (mizuki chapter 3) reference sonnet 129 by william shakespeare.

"The expense of spirit in a waste of shame Is lust in action..."

this poem theorises that after people satisfy their lust (their desires), they're left with shame. this could be a metaphor for chikara's experiments, but he doesn't seem to feel shame. i think it's about mizuki wanting answers about the institute until she gets them and they're painful.

"all living things"/"of arms and of man" (mizuki chapter 4 m2) references virgil's "the aenid".

"I sing of arms and of the man, fated to be an exile, who long since left the land of Troy and came to Italy to the shores of Lavinium"

i think a parallel is drawn between lien and the protag of the aenid, aeneas. he flees the fall of troy and travels to rome, becoming the original descendant of the ancient romans. lien escapes the 'tragedy' of his life of crime and becomes something of a hero to kizuna.

"who's there"/"bid the soldiers shoot" (mizuki chapter 4 m2/m3) reference the first and final lines of william shakespeare's "hamlet".

the first line is spoken by a guard who hears the ghost of hamlet sr. in this route, jin's corpse is found in the freezer... not quite a ghost. the final line is spoken by fortinbras, an invading prince, upon storming the palace and finding the corpses of the whole cast. he commands the shots to commemorate the deaths of the royalty. lien and kizuna escape among the gunfire of chieda's armed goons... some commemoration.

"all that we are" (mizuki c5 m2) is a buddha quote.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts and made up of our thoughts. If a man speak or act with an evil thought, suffering follows him as the wheel follows the hoof of the beast that draws the wagon…. If a man speak or act with a good thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him.”

this chapter precedes gen and amame's end. gen highlights that he considers amame to be a naturally kind and loving person in a way that others haven't been towards him. this quotation implies that good things follow kind people, which doesn't follow considering the tragic end amame gets here.

"sweet silent thought" (mizuki chapter 5 m3) references shakespeare's sonnet 30

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought I summon up remembrance of things past, I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought, And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste

this poem is about regrets. when you think "sweet silent thoughts" (contemplate your life), you feel unhappy and consumed by what-ifs. interesting that this chapter is the direct opposite of the poem- lien and kizuna take their chance and run away together. no regrets!

"births"/"the end of craving" (mizuki c5 m1) is a buddha quote once more.

simply put, to reach the end of craving is to achieve the titular nirvana and a higher state of being.

"braver than all flowers" (epilogue) references "proof of immortality "by william carlos williams

"for there is one thing braver than all flowers; richer than clear gems; wider than the sky"

this is a sort of humorous poem about how the one thing that humans throughout history have in common is ignorance. maybe it's a ref to how the mizukis used their wit and investigation skills to overcome that ignorance and win the day?

"all this happened, more or less" (ryuki diverge) references the opening line of slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut.

this is regarded as a crazy opening line for a crazy novel. it's the literary equivalent of "well, that happened" for better or worse, much like this ending.

the only currently missing reference is 'traveler'/'left behind'.

#aitsf #aini #ai the somnium files #aini spoilers #aitsf nirvana initiative #there are so many tags for this game man #literature #misspost

[lilareviewsbooks]

More Short SFF Books!

Guys! Thank you so much for the love on my post on short SFF books! It was a lot for a tiny little blog like me lmao, and it made me feel very appreciated - thank you, again! 

I thought that because of all that love, this deserved a second edition. So, since short SFF is definitely my specialty, and I won't stop reading these novellas any time soon, here's some other SFF short books I think might be worth your time!

Also, check out part one of this list if you’d like some more books in this vein :)

The Monk and Robot Duology, starting with A Psalm For The Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers

152 to 160 pages

duology (so far!! I'm hoping and praying, Ms. Chambers!)

queer rep of all kinds, but our protagonist is non-binary! 

If you know me, then it's a surprise this didn't make it into the first edition of this list. I love Monk and Robot! They're My Favorite Books, so rest assured that they come very highly recommended!

This one follows Sibling Dex, a disciple of Allae, the god of small comforts, as they decide to change the course of their professional life and become a travelling tea monk. Along the way, they meet Mosscap, a very friendly robot, with one question - "what do humans need?" There's just one problem: robots have been living in the wild for generations, and they haven't interacted with humans since they gained consciousness. Can Sibling Dex handle this responsibility?

I hardly have the words to describe this one. This is a sci-fi, I guess, but it feels like a fantasy -- it's just so atmospheric and draws you into this utopian and equitable world full of nature and community. Monk and Robot really emphasizes the best parts of life, the best parts of humanity. It will warm your heart because you will see your life in it - in all it's smallness and its gorgeousness. It's perfect if you want something that's short, sweet, and with a conflict that doesn't span the whole entire world, but is focused instead on two people - or, I guess, on one person and a robot. 

Mandatory reading for everyone! Get your hands on a copy, you won't regret it!

Our Lady of Endless Worlds Duology, starting with Sisters of the Vast Black, by Lina Rather

176 to 192 pages

duology

sapphic rep

We're staying on theme here, with another religious-y pick. I give you: Sisters of the Vast Black! This one is about nuns! In space!

Some time into the future, the Catholic Church is alive and well. The sisters of the Order of Saint Rita live on their (get this) living ship, a gigantic animal they use to navigate between space stations and planets. I think this one is worth it just for that concept, I fell in love with it!

This book follows the Sisters as they receive a distress call from a colony, and find out that the Church's means might be more nefarious than they seem. But, mostly, it's about the sisters themselves, as they grapple with their faith, the ever-changing universe and the questionable morality of the Church. 

I loved this one! Not only are the characters very compelling, the setting is just so cool. This concept of the living space ship is so fucking neat, and the duology gets down to the nitty-gritty of it. Not to mention, the idea of religion, and contemporary religion in particular, surviving mostly unchanged into the future is so interesting! I don't know if it's me being nerdy, but I just found the concept here so, so compelling, I couldn't resist bringing these books home with me!

The Seventh Perfection, by Daniel Polansky

176 pages

standalone

I don't remember it being queer, but I could be wrong??

I guess this is also kind of religious in a way lmao. The Seventh Perfection follows Manet as she searches for someone for the God-King, who runs the kingdom she lives in, using her perfect dominion over the seven perfections to help her.

The unique thing about this book, though, is how the story is told. Instead of following Manet's perspective as she goes through her city, interviewing people, we only see one side of her dialogue. As Manet speaks to a shopkeeper, for example, we are only treated to his answers. In this manner, its up to the reader to put some pieces together.

Although it is nothing too complicated, - especially for veterans of books such as The Locked Tomb or fantasy behemoths like A Song of Ice and Fire, with their crazy amount of characters - the structure is pretty unique. Like Esme N pointed out in her Good Reads review of this one, it kind of reads as if you're a POV character in a videogame, going NPC to NPC. I'd say this one is for the anyone who likes different approaches to stories in SFF, and enjoys being a little bit confused!

Elder Race, by Adrian Tchaikovsky 

201 pages

standalone

no queer rep that I remember, either

Elder Race is an interesting one, as well. This one is definitely for fans of books with almost anthropological approaches to culture, such as The Left Hand of Darkness and A Memory Called Empire. Elder Nyr is a scientist, sent to another planet in order to explore it, who lives in his space ship. Except that, for the locals, that space ship is a giant tower, and Nyr is its mysterious sorceror of legend. Now, Lynesse comes to search for him so that he can help her deal with the threat of demon.

The result of the interaction between Lynesse and Nyr, and the fact that each of them have POV chapters, means that this reads as almost two separate books. One of them is a sci-fi, and that's Nyr's perspective, who is from a society with very high-end technology, and sees all problems as matters of science. Meanwhile, Lynesse sees everything as magical, so hers reads almost like a fantasy. It makes for such an interesting experience!

I think about this book constantly, and have been wanting to reread it for ages. I quite liked this particular approach, not to mention the concept! Plus, I love books that go deep into culture like this one. And, of course, it's from prolific and famous author Adrian Tchaikovsky, who wrote the Children of Time series, and although I haven't read the rest of his work, I've heard this is a good starting off point in case you want to get into his other books.

Princess Floralinda And The Forty-Flight Tower, by Tasmyn Muir

146 pages

standalone

non-binary rep

I'm always singing Ms. Muir praise, and that's for a reason! This one follows Princess Floralinda, who is locked up in a (guess!) forty-flight tower by an evil witch. She has placed one monster at every floor, and no prince has managed to get through the first one, let alone trudge up the stairs to rescue Floralinda.

With impeccable sense of humor, which is a trademark of Ms. Muir's fiction, we follow Floralinda's plight as she waits for someone to come rescue her - and then eventually notices no-one might be coming, after all. Her character development is astounding, and it's so satisfying to follow her. It's also just so impressive that so much can be packed into so little pages when it comes to her arc. 

And I forgot to mention - there's a fun fairy character who will help Floralinda on her way! I think it's worth reading just for that!

#book recommendations #book recs #booklr #books #queer books #lgbtq books #short books #sff books #fantasy books #sci fi books #novella #sff novella #short book #monk and robot #our lady of endless worlds #lina rather #the seventh perfection #elder race #princess floralinda and the forty flight tower #tasmyn muir

[thekuraning]

fic writing asks : 17 and 27, 28?

hope you’re doing well!! I’m just about to finally catch up with the latest chapter of moving on in a maelstrom (I haven’t checked my ao3 inbox for updates in a hot minute!!), thank you as ever for writing!

WASABI THANK YOU FOR SENDING im hanging in there i hope youre doing good too <3 and i hope you enjoy the latest chapter grelhbqughoeiqg

:') i talk a lot gomen

17. talk about your writing and editing process

so i'm definitely not the kind of person who sits down and outlines their story and all the plot points or does a ton of planning (kind of a bad habit probably!!) and mostly my fics comes from some broad concepts or ideas, vibes, or any sort of vivid scene I imagine up while im daydreaming on the way to work, and then I just kind of run with it. Actually I think from all the fics I've actually tried to follow an outline for in the past, only one has gotten past a handful of chapters (that would be Turning Point, which is shockingly complete!)

And like the scenes or vibes or ideas aren't always related to major plot points or anything either, they're just character moments and either a) do not need backstory to explain the situation, so they get to be a oneshot, or b) are VERY PARTICULAR about the backstory of the Scene and then they end up a full-fledged novella/novel/epic.

So like for example, I started on Maelstrom fic for a very specific scene with a very specific character--and you might expect it to be related to the main villain! Except I didn't even have a design for him until the day I sat down to write chapter 5 (which came to me in a caffeine-fueled fever dream) and wasn't even sure what his NEXT ability would be until chapter 8. Yeah he's the main antagonist. But this entire fic. This entire damn fic. Is a stepping stone. To a scene where Yuri is going insane under house arrest and Barnaby goes to visit him. And it's the funniest fucking thing in my head. Like I want to be so clear this is just an elaborate slide puzzle to a one-paragraph gag and I have no idea if the set-up is even worth it. But then once I get started writing things kind of start to fall into place like dominoes because I spend a lot of time overthinking the world building and the canon orz

Anyways as for editing uhhhh well!!! You have probably noticed!! I have SO MANY TYPOS IN MY CHAPTERS!!! My cat hears me say so many swears after chapters are posted :( I tend to be like constantly reading and rereading and editing... the first half of a chapter. The further I go the more excited I get to post! And the less I end up reading. So uhhh yeah if anyone ever goes back to read any fic I've ever posted EVER and you're like huh I don't remember that or huh I thought it was different yeah. yeah it was. I edited it 3 months later when I reread part and realized I had 15 typos, non-sequitors, and the worst sentence composition known to man OTL

27. your favorite part of the writing process

getting experimental with it! :') i like fucking around with imagery and description and pacing to try and see what kind of vibes i can squeeze out of something. actually i forget how long ago it was but i think my buddy isleofair sent an ask once where I went on a rant about what makes a slow burn a slow burn and ever since then I've REALLY wanted to try and write a slow burn that diagetically takes place in like. one or two hours. i have no idea how it would work but i think it would be really fun to try.

otherwise i think my favorite thing is like world building but through the little background details, like trying to squish in regional dialects or brands or in-universe entertainment franchises. I was really fucking proud of myself for Barnaby's Gatorade ad reel and his promotional coffee in Maelstrom lmfaooo or like getting so fucky with Proton's slang in my pokemon fics. Still trying to figure out how to write an entire oneshot about no one understanding what he means when he says "freezycaff."

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

>:( what do you MEAN I have to have a coherent plot!!! What do you MEAN I should probably plan to avoid plotholes!!! What do you MEAN i have to write through writer's block or take breaks when I burn out creatively!!!!! NO STOPPING ONLY VIBES ONLY GOOFS AND GAFFS!!! ONLY FICS!!!

On a more serious note. My least favorite part really is since I don't do a lot of planning beforehand :( sometimes all I got be them vibes, and getting from point a to point b can be like pulling teeth if I'm not like. manic. A lot of times I feel like I have a big picture with a lot of missing little pieces, and sometrimes I just can't figure out a satisfying way to get over it. Then the perma-hiatus hammer comes out UmU RIP in pepperonis dead fics from 2018.

Thank u again for sending!! <3

#wasabicouscous #kurasays #ask game #zubat fangs actually came about from 4 scene ideas #the first was proton stabbing his mom and the 2nd was mewtwo's escape from cinnabar #the next one is slowpoke well and then after that is radio tower.... #just gotta push through fucking SILPH #hhhgggg fuckin silph bein a roadblock n such grrrrrr

[nessunihility]

Boom.

🔴Indie Kafka from Honkai: Star Rail. 🔴Casual Roleplay Blog. 🔴Plenty o' memes, edits, musings and shitposts. 🔴Crossover, AU & OC Friendly. 🔴Mun is 26. 🔴Written by Haki.

「Home || Rules || About || Promo」

Mobile Friendly Rules under the cut.

-As stated, this is a more casual roleplay and ask blog. I won’t realy rush myself with replies and will do everything at my own pace. Furthermore, there will be a lot of slice of life, comedy and more, just really themes that can be described as nonchalant. -Common sense applies, no godmodding, forcing, etc. -I do not have exclusives since I know people come and go just as blogs do, but if we’re very close friends (or just roleplay a lot together) I don’t mind coming up with verses specifically for our muses.

-I'm OC and Crossover friendly. -I do not practice reblog karma, you should be able to send asks whenever you’d like to without feeling ‘required’ to do so. This also means you an freely reblog memes off my own blog too, I won't mind. -Each ship is in its own verse. -All genres and lengths (novella, crack, etc.) are welcomed. -If we are mutuals and you would like to plot something out at any point in time, please just send me a message (IM) or an ask with an idea in hand otherwise I will gladly try to help you come up with something to write about. -Things like depression, gore, and other dark themes will be present on the blog and tagged. This is Honkai Star Rail, so it’s a given. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, there is a unfollow button for a reason or you can ask me to tag them specifically. -I don’t care much for drama OOC. So keep it off the Dash, otherwise you’re getting softblocked. Final Words: Thank you for reading my rules, amigo.You can call me Haki. I’m 26 and that’s all you have to know. I am here for the roleplay and stress relief, not for some petty drama and other similar bullshit. Try to avoid involving me, because I will ignore it anyways. There is no password and you won’t have to send any kind of confirmation either. In return, be assured I will have read your rules, but won’t send in any asks or any kind of confirmation either.

#pinned

[findyourrp]

hi there! i’m a (22nb) veteran writer since i’ve been in the platform for quite a while now and am slowly transition back into indie rp. i am looking for some new partners who are enthusiastic about writing and plotting !

what you need to know about me is that when i’m invested in a plot or a character, i am invested! i love sending headcanons back and forth, talking about media, characters, and whatnot. i make pinterest boards, send muse inspo, and might even make a playlist. if i’m REALLY invested i’ll make gif edits because i’m a gifmaker on the side. i write what someone might considered advanced lit or novella style and expect around the same response. i can write female and male canon characters and have my own pre made muses as well. i will be discussing which canon characters i’m willing to play in our messages and have information about my muses as well. i prefer writing about canon characters, but there are fandoms where i enjoy writing oc x oc or oc x cc. i prefer doubling up and using discord !

i am in the following fandoms (listed from most muse to least amount of muse): criminal minds, the boys, twd + tlou, bridgerton, and marvel + dc. please keep in mind i am selective who i write with because i’ve had bad experiences in the last. that being said i am very passionate about writing and cannot wait to meet everyone ! thank you 🫣

🩵

like & asker will find you !

#rp finder #18+ rp #fandom rp #fandom roleplay #criminal minds rp #the boys rp #twd rp #tlou rp #bridgerton rp #marvel rp #dc rp #roleplay #oc x cc rp #rp promo

[dvar-trek]

January Romance

hello friends i have not slowed down, and perhaps i have maybe even sped up. in the. shotgunning queer romance novels department.

i am mostly on a hockey kick lately. i know nothing about hockey. i have probably watched a grand total of 5 minutes of hockey in my life. i do not care about any sports at all. but i figured that if i can get invested in a sports movie without caring about the sports part (such as Hoosiers (1986) or A League of Their Own (1992)), i could get invested in a sports romance novel without caring about the sports part. and i was correct. thank fuck, bc i think i've read all of the historical romances that there are.

nothing i read this month was like. perfect. it's very hard to measure up to my KJ Charles faves. but there was still some good shit!

the best of:

Hockey Ever After Series (Winging It, Scoring Position, and Unrivaled by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James- each book follows a different couple. the characters are so good and well fleshed-out, the team dynamics are fun, the plots are engaging, and the sex is hot. you really don't have to know anything about hockey (especially if you start with the 2022 edition of Winging It, which is definitely, definitely the correct choice), but also apparently their hockey shit is pretty accurate, which i always appreciate. overall, the complete package.

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

historical

 ●Undressing the Duke by Erica Ridley (a duke falls in love with his valet who is also his best friend. couldn't finish it. i know KJ Charles has me spoiled for historical accuracy, but i yelled 'WHAT!!!' so many times at so many things that i finally gave up. also it's just not very good in any of the other respects.)  ●The Campion Square series by Adella J Harris (three romances taking place in the same little neighborhood. the series is essentially just sweet and sedate and wholesome, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it did not make me feel a single emotion. the definition of 'okay'.)     ○Mr. Wilkins and the Lodger     ○Mr. Montague and the Pineapple     ○Mr. Jenkins and the Necklace  ●Best Laid Plaids by Ella Stainton (simply not that good, and not even in a fun way.)  ●Mr Warren's Profession by Sebastian Nothwell (clueless son of a wealthy baronet falls for an impoverished clerk. it's nothing special and requires so very much suspension of disbelief that it stops being fun.)  ●One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny (it has its problems and isn't going to make the faves list, but is basically a lovely and heartfelt romance. two men who don't know each other's identities travel together through the winter. requires a normal-mid amount of suspension of disbelief.)

hockey

 ●Him series by Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy (guy falls in love with his straight best friend in high school and cuts him out of his life. they reconnect 4 years later for one last summer together. i loved 90% of the first book, but did not love the direction the authors take things. this series is a genre-wide favorite for tons of people though.)     ○Him     ○Us     ○Epic (novella)  ●On The Brink by Kate Willoughby (there's nothing fun wrong with it. it's just not good.)  ●Puckboys by Eden Finley and Saxon James (these are fine for what they are--just enough plot for hockey boys to have a lot of sex and fall in love, in that order. there are a ton more of these but i had no desire to keep going.)     ○Egotistical Puckboy     ○Irresponsible Puckboy  ●Light Up the Lamp by Kit Oliver (i cried my fucking eyes out. and then i listened to a bunch of songs that i knew would make it hit harder and i cried some more. the writing is... not that bad but also not that good. the premise destroyed me. childhood best friends who fall in love and then life takes them in different directions and they fuck it up so stupidly because they are nineteen years old. and then they go through life with this. chasm. where the love used to be. and then 15 years later they are forced to work together and they decide they will simply never speak of it even though they never resolved any of their shit and it is breaking them open. if you read this book you are contractually obligated to talk to me about it thanks!)     ○Biscuit in the Basket (epilogue novella)

other

 ●Hard Feelings by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (artist/graphic designer and software developer who can't stand each other are forced to work together, and they have a lot of hate sex about it. i do not think the authors know anything about design or coding. several parts of this book are cringe. it still had its moments that made my fucking chest hurt. possibly worth it just for that.)  ●The Rock Star's Guide to Getting Your Man by Ashlyn Kane (another one where a guy is in love with his straight childhood best friend. he goes back to his hometown 15 years later to hide from drama with his bandmates, and finds his former best friend still lives there. this one also made me cry, but mostly the dead dad parts. a little bit cheesy and awkward. some funny moments, and not, like, heavy, but also not exactly lighthearted. i appreciated the fact that most of the conflict was with the band and not with the love interest.)  ●The Inside Edge by Ashlyn Kane (tv cohosts who annoy each other and bicker on-screen -> casual sex -> fake dating -> real dating. just a delightful little bonbon of a romance. does go zero-to-i-love-you, which is a pet peeve, but you can't have everything in life.)  ●All the Right Notes by Dominic Lim (composer's dad asks him to come home and put on a charity performance, and to convince a former classmate, now a famous movie star, to perform in it. nice amount of focus on the asian family dynamics without being too heavy-handed. engaging story, and sweet, but clunky. it's a debut novel though, so i'm looking forward to seeing what else this author will put out in the future.)  ●Winter Ball by Amy Lane (i don't even know what to say about this book. i think it is from an alternate universe. the story and the dialogue both feel weirdly out of time, and the author uses phrases in the sex scenes that probably have never have never even been thought by another human. anyway it's about two best friends who discover their sexualities together, and decide to build a life together in spite of familial and societal disapproval.)  ●Iris Kelly Doesn't Date by Ashley Herring Blake (the third book in a series that unfortunately peaked at book 1. all of the things that were awkward about the first book have only become more pronounced as the series progresses. i gave this the old college try, but could not finish it.)  ●Date Me, Bryson Keller by Kevin van Whye (YA book wherein a popular boy agrees to pretend to date his gay classmate for a week. it is. not well-written, but it is basically a sweet story.)  ●The Best Men by Sarina Bowen and Lauren Blakely (this one just felt aggressively like a book by straight women for straight women. also they didn't do the anal research. also also they didn't research the jobs they gave their main characters.)  ●Top Secret by Elle Kennedy and Sarina Bowen (what if you were a straight guy in college and you were anonymously sexting another guy to set up the threesome your girlfriend requested. and then it turned out you were really into him. and then it also turned out he was the guy in your frat house that you hate. would that be fucked up hot or what. i will not lie to you, this book is kind of cringe. like one of the main characters insists approximately 500 times that he's only sexually experimenting because he's a scientist and it's scientific. but it's still fun and i still enjoyed it. there's also a bonus epilogue available.)  ●Heels Over Head by Elyse Springer (incredibly repressed olympic diver falls for his new teammate. full of heartache and shitty families and tenderness and choosing joy.)

#romance roundup #in lieu of a #wip wednesday

[jasperygrace]

September End-of-the-Month Report

Hello hello everyone! It’s that time of the month again, but accidentally posted at the end of the month ^^; Everything's fine, I've just been busy with work and traveling that the report for September slipped my mind.

As always, if you’re interested in my work, feel free to check out the page for An Immortal Laid to Rest for more content regarding the project.

We’ve got a short report this month, so without further ado, let’s begin!

Project Progress:

So good news! I have begun editing! I’m about four chapters in, and now that my schedule has cleared up, I’ll have more time to work on edits.

Currently, my goal is to have editing done by the end of December. I’m not entirely sure yet if I’ll reach that goal because I also have to make the sketches of the book illustrations.

There are roughly 35 chapters in Project : Desert, each ranging between 1000 and 2000~ words, with most having an illustration of some kind. We’ll see if my end date of December is feasible or not.

I’m not sure how many illustrations I’ll be posting in these next few months since my priorities are elsewhere, so for the time being, here’s one of the sketches for the book:

This illustration will appear in the very first chapter of the novella. Once we're past the beta reading stage, then we can start lining it!

Goals:

Here are my current long-term goals:

Begin editing Draft 2; be finished by December

Work on in-book illustrations; be finished by December

That’s all I’ve got this month! Thank you for reading and I hope you will support me in my future endeavors.

Taglist: @corethomas @liv-is @flock-from-the-void @mysticstarlightduck @outpost51 @thecrookedwriterspath @justahumanmachine @aziz-reads

#writeblr #monthly update #mid month report #MMR2023 #jasper.txt #jasper's archive

[vivilove-jonsa]

Hello,

Since you've published a book I was wondering if I may ask a couple question?

Does it feel different from writing fanfictions?

Do you find your self relating to GRRM's pace of writing like the long years between books?

How did you like your covers for your original works? Did it take long to pick out?

This is just crack question but any chance there's a minor red headed character with her dark haired partner? You know as a little Easter egg jk. But in all seriousness we always knew you could sell your works and I'm glad you took the chance!

Hello!

Wow, I'm flattered that you want to know this stuff so thank you for asking! I'll happily answer each one below the cut :)

Does it feel different from writing fanfictions?

Yes. The joy of writing is still very much with me but there's some major differences and things I've had to adapt to when looking to sell books as an unknown author versus writing fanfic for a pairing that people are seeking out. The biggest is the wait for validation. Can't post a chapter of an idea, see how people respond and start crafting a story from there. You write the whole damn novel with little to no input from anyone else and then put it out there for critique before publishing.

It may sound weird but I've found more freedom writing original works in some ways and more restrictions in others.

The restrictions involve more planning, outlining and plotting. I have to stay on track instead of indulging in Side-Character B's backstory or a secondary romance, etc. Also, I would hop from genre to genre with my AUs and, while there are authors doing that I'm sure, it's not a safe bet for a newbie looking to make money. So, I found a niche in contemporary romance that I enjoy reading and writing and I dove in. I'll probably tackle another niche with a new pen once I've got ten or so books under my belt with the current pen name to try it out.

The freedoms involve making my characters whoever they tell me they are. No one will scream 'that's OCC!' because these are my characters. There's no trappings of canon or expectations in that sense either although romance readers tend to have favored tropes, etc and they expect you to stick to the 'formula of romance.' Also, I miss talking fic with other writers and fans of my Jonsa works as there's more distance between me as an author and people who read my books. Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with some of them who have reached out but the gap is there and it can feel lonelier.

Do you find yourself relating to GRRM's pace of writing like the long years between books?

No, lol. This is a side hustle for me but a romance writer would starve going at his pace unless you had that miracle hit right off the bat (which is soooooo rare) and even then you need to keep producing product to keep from becoming obsolete. I started my first novel February 1st last year. I will have FIVE completed by February 1st of this year. I'm shooting to average a book every 3 months this year at least. It takes me roughly six to eight weeks to write it and the remaining time goes into editing, formatting and submitting for ARC reviews. Quality AND quantity are the name of the game to earn money. In GRRM's defense though, my books average 75k words and one of those five was a novella at 40k words. And my books are romance centering on two individuals which are far less complicated to tell than his enormous fantasy opus with a cast of hundreds.

How did you like your covers for your original works? Did it take long to pick out?

Yes, I love them! The cover of your book is the single most important part of your passive marketing and you want your book to be as to-market as possible to attract readers in your genre and niche. My niche involves hot guys in suits on the covers and my dear friend made them for me except one which I paid a graphic artist $75 to do an illustrated cover for. Anyway, we would tinker and talk about the color or font, the placement of the title, etc. but, for me at least, this was a simple process. Some self-published folks spend far more time working on theirs or might pay hundreds of dollars on them but mine seem to draw eyes just fine. Maybe once I'm making bank more steadily I'll consider farming this out to a pro.

Any chance there's a minor red headed character with her dark haired partner?

Absolutely!! In fact, my first book includes a pairing that looks suspiciously like Jonsa (I changed the eye color for her and gave him Kit's brown eyes though). Partly, that's because the original idea for the book was going to be a Jonsa story until I decided to switch gears. My third book has a guy that fits Jon's description and my novella includes elements of Sansa's love of songs and such in the female lead. It's fun to have bits of the characters I love in my books even when they're my own creations.

Thanks so much for this delicious ask! Lots of fun to answer <3

#jonsa #fanfic writing #versus #romance novels #7thkarma #asks #writing stuff

[fuckyeahjasonschwartzman]

im becoming a fan bc of spiderverse and i love your blog <3 ive seen a couple wes anderson movies/scott pilgrim but are there any movies or shows you’d recommend? thank u!!

okay so fair warning, outside of the animated movies, the wes anderson ones, and spvtw, pretty much all jschwartz movies and shows are going to contain something mildly graphic at the least. usually it's weird sex which I think is awesome but I can't recommend viewing if you're a minor (most of my followers aren't tho so I'm not worried)

anyway, here are recs with my personal thoughts! (reading the little reviews is not mandatory but suggested? I guess if you want a better idea of what you're getting into)

Shopgirl (2005)

Besides Steve Martin's absolutely rancid performance, I'm actually a huge fan of this movie and I think it's so enjoyable. it's not a masterpiece, but there was clearly a lot of intent and thought put into the design choices and cinematography (I've written papers on the color symbolism!) and though the story isn't amazingly coherent because it was adapted from a much better written novella, it is still at least enjoyable. I love the atmosphere, and I think it's a very unconventional romance film that explores the unhealthy relationships that are glamorized in similar media as sexy and desirable (ray porter is a character that existed before, and yet still makes fun of toxic love interests like christian gray). and I like how it extremely accurately represents what it's like being a severely depressed lonely woman.

I'm inherently biased here because I watched this movie for the first time while I was in an abusive relationship and it still really resonates with me. most people luckily do not experience that so I'm a bit of an outlier here :')

2. I Heart Huckabees (2004)

I have no deeper reason for loving IHH I just find it delightful. it's weird, it's confusing, its kinda gross, it's shocking and you don't start understanding it unless you think about it really hard for a while. it's essentially a beginner's guide to different schools and concepts in philosophy, which I'm a big ol sucker for. lovely message that I believe is handled better than a lot of movies who go for the existentialism thing. not a fan of the director, but this movie is pretty enjoyable and leaves you with a lot to think about (if you're into that). LOVE the score.

3. Spun (2002)

INITIAL WARNING THIS MOVIE IS DISGUSTING. and I love it. it's so fun and experimental especially with the editing and cinematography, the pacing is insane, not to the mention the animation, the color correction, the everything... has one of the most amazingly satisfying closing shots in a movie, ever. but it's definitely not for the faint of heart, if you can't sit through watching someone snort meth off a urinal stall or a close up of someone injecting themselves with a needle, this is definitely not for you. (not to mention the sex, again).

4. Marie Antoinette (2006)

yayy finally an option that most people agree is good! unless you're French. I was almost named Antoinette after my French g-g-gma (got named after my French g-g-g-gpa Raymond instead), plus rococo is a huge interest of mine so I adore this movie. it was shot on location at Versailles, the costumes are GORGEOUS, and almost everything is accurate! it has a mixed classical-modern soundtrack and aesthetic that I find very effective in getting its message across. however I do tend to like this movie more than most because I know who everyone is and what's happening already! it's based on a biography by Antonia Frasier which is sitting next to me as I type this lol.

5. Funny People (2009)

HEAR ME OUT. OKAY. mark taylor jackson was my "ohhh shit this dude's hot" moment and this movie was The Beginning for me. YES, it's an Adam Sandler movie co-starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. AND YES. I FIND IT TO BE AN EFFECTIVE DRAMA. I don't like drama in film in general, I find most to be very unrealistic and unrelatable for me so I get bored easily, but I do think this weirdly works? I love how it's kind of an introspective look at Adam Sandler's career, with liberties taken, and the characters seem to actually have some chemistry and realism to them, even in the sillier moments. jason schwartzman is super cute. need I say more.

6. S1m0ne (2002)

ok, admittedly jason isn't in this one too much. and yet it's still worth mentioning because it's an insanely underrated and likeable movie! if anything al pacino is hot, and the entire premise is so unsettling and dystopian in an ACTUALLY WELL HANDLED sci-fi manner (good sci-fi concepts tend not to be "what ifs" but allegories for things that are actually happening already). S1m0ne is a criticism of hollywood, celebrity culture, and mass media, and it's genuinely just so creative to me. another contender for the best ending shot in cinema. ALSO, very pretty cinematography and a very fun early 2000s feel to it. the writer/director also wrote the Truman Show iirc!

7. Bored to Death

saving TV for last. let me tell you one thing! if you're looking for jason schwartzman at his best, you need to watch this show. it is so funny, so entertaining, and best of all, every character in it is so terrible and fucked up and it's wonderful. it's crazy, but grounded in reality, which makes it even crazier. jason schwartzman plays a hopeless romantic author who's boredom and disappointing love life lead him to becoming an "unlicensed private detective" who accepts jobs through craigslist. also there are zach galifianakis and ted danson, who play the two other main characters. the entire premise of the show is these three guys getting high and solving mysteries together and it's phenomenal. there's an actual episode where jason runs down the streets of brooklyn in full leather bdsm gear. there's an episode about furry sex. It's so weird and perverted and SUCH a good comedy noir(?) I can't not recommend it, despite having the worst fucking ending out of anything ever cause it got canceled.

tldr: I like bad movies

there are a ton more I could go ok about but these are the ones I personally enjoy the most. good luck

#jason schwartzman #I can't morally recommend the overnight or slackers but if you want to feel like the high mg edible just kicked in then those are there too

[crying-cinderella]

A long-awaited update for "London Calling" Chapter13 has been long in the making, but it's finally here! The TL;DR version of life is on A03- the somewhat lengthier version is here: Long-Covid is no joke. And here we thought we'd all be over it by now. While both arms and wrists and fingers and all of that have made a full functional recovery, I had another spill that set me back a bit in late April. (Nothing broken this time, because toes don't count) but enough to keep me out of commission for a while. It's difficult to get steady lasting work when you've got crappy chronic fatigue amongst other issues. And yes, I've got a really good- albeit way over-worked- disability attorney working with me to try and file...the first filing was rejected because this state doesn't recognize 'fallout from long-covid' (lay-terms) as a valid form of disability. Nevermind the cardiac incidences and the TIA. We're working on it. I've moved houses/residences again. The upside is it's back to the original place I started. My ex-non-spice-spouse-ex-current-semi-partner... that's an even longer story- has graciously given the house we used to share back to me. And he drops in once or twice a week to check on me. It's a very, very complicated situation. That I just don't have the energy to get into. Still working on finishing that non-FF-novella. Still tweaking the formatting for e-pub/self-e-pub. The novella itself is finished, has been edited, proofed, etc. But because it doesn't have chapters- and reads like a fictional memoir told in two timelines- the present happening and the protagonist's flashbacks of what's happened- it's difficult to find a formatting guide that suits what I have. If anyone has any recommendations for how to format a non-chapterized work of fiction for e-pub...please let me know. (Still basically flipping a coin on Smashwords vs Amazon too.) This chapter of London Calling is sort of the wind-up. I think. Chapter 14 is fleshed out, but I still have limited technology. (When you're not getting steady work...replacing your laptop among other things becomes a low-low-priority.) I do, however, know now how this story ends. And if it comes together the way I suspect it will...then I think we're looking at 19 chapters. This Chapter that went live today is just over 13,000 words. So I apologize for the length. I hope you're all enjoying life! Thank you all for your continued support! https://ko-fi.com/cryingcinderella

#fanfiction #hp #severus snape #hermione granger #granger x snape #hermione x severus #hermione x snape #adult fanfiction