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thespamman24 · 2 years

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Ok what is the most convoluted way to kill a dragon. Give me a verbal Rube Goldberg machine of an awnser

I am so fricking glad you asked. First, time travel to the year 237. Save the life of Suremnit II, causing him to become the king of Risinia, instead of his brother, Larim. Unlike Larim, Suremnit II already had heirs, this would prevent the Risinia civil war. Then, murder general Avroda, preventing him from overthrowing the Phoenician puppet regime. This will prevent the Sassassinid empire from coming to existence until at least the 9th century. As such, the King Julian the second of the Byzantine empire will go through with his plans of conquering Babylonia, seeing as their would be no political alliance to stop him. As a result of this, there would be no Court of High Sciences and Mathmatics created in the city of Baghad, as mathmatics was illegal in the Byzantine empire. As such, the number zero would not exist.

Then, travel to the 19th century. Visit Nikola Tesla and show him the number zero. He can then sell the number zero for lots of moneys and then use the dollars to build a device that will turn Thomas Edison into a frog. As a result, the patents for early film equipment will not exist. This means that instead of Hollywood being the center of the American film industry, Tallahassee is.

This means that for Star Wars, they’re not able to afford to have Tattooine be a desert (their are desert in California, but not Florida). Instead, Tattooine will be a swamp. This means that Dagoba will probably have to be a desert (two swamp planets would be confusing, and they would probably have a bigger budget for the making of The Empite Strikes Back). However, this would mean that yoda can’t be green because that will be aesthetically confusing.

Yoda not being green will lead to green screens being red screens. You know what that means? They have to make fake blood in hollywood movies be blue. Gradually, everyone comes to believe that blood is blue.

This makes shark attacks look a lot less cool, so Jaws is never. Go back to 2018, and make Jaws. Watch as the box office explodes. Now you have all the money in the world. Go and genetically modify a lizard until it becomes a dragon.

Congratulations, now dragons exist.

Then, you’ll have to raise this dragon to believe that he is a cat. This will make him afraid of vaccums.

Buy eighteen roombas and unleash them around Washington D.C. the F.B.I will assume that they are some sort of spyware meant to spy on the president or something and confiscate them.

They will not be able to tell what is wrong with the roombas. However, they will decide that their is something wrong with roombas and confiscate all of them and put them in a giant warehouse. The Roomba Warehouse.

Now, we need to trap the dragon inside the Roomba Warehouse.

Hypnotize the dragon into believing that he has a crush on Celine Dion. Then, create a fake tour of Celine Dion shows. However, all of the tickerts are too expensive. Then, hire an actor to pretend to be in mortal danger. The dragon will easily save the life of this person. The person well then give the dragon some tickets to a Celine Dion show as thanks.

This particular Celine Dion show is very close to the Roomba Warehouse, but not in the Roomba Warehouse. When the dragon shows up to the concert Celine Dion is not there. A man comes onstage and tells everybody: Celine Dion has been kidnapped! This is awful.

The Dragon realizes that he must find Celine Dion. All that the people know is that she was taken after someone hijaked her special Dionmobile.

He begans searching for her. Then, he spots just outside the Roomba Warehouse, the Dionmobile! He knows that Celine Dion must be inside. He lands in front of the Celine Dion warehouse and finds the doors. He crashes through. The entire warehouse is full of something that is covered in black blankets, but there’s a very strange sound of wailing. The dragon runs further into the warehouse. Then, we drop a giant tungtsen cube right outside the doors, blocking the dragon from escaping. Then the wind machines turn on. All of the blankets flie into the air, revealing thousands of roombas. They all turn on and encircle the dragon. He begans spewing fire on them, but their are too many. The wailing grows louder, and he realizes that it sounds exactly liek Celine Dion. The dragon can escape out of the doors, but he must save Celine Dion!

Then, he sees dangling from the ceiling is Celine Dion! And she’s slowly being lowered into a tub full of sharks! The dragon flies up to her. However, when he grabs her, she explodes (she was a bomb!)

The dragons is thrown back into the air. The explosion of the bomb triggers the explosion of all the C4 that is rigged onto the side of the tub full of sharks. The tub of sharks breaks and now there is water everywhere.

The explosion also causes the fire alarm to go off, as well as all of the sprinklers. Now, there is water everywhere, and it’s flooding the whole place.

The sharks all fall onto the ground, where it turns out that they were all bombs that you stole from Nikola Tesla! These Tesla bombs cause a giant wave of electricity to shoot out from them, electrocuting every roomba.

The roombas are all inside water, and now the water is electrocuted. The dragon is electrocuted to death. He could try to fly away, but he’s already been too damaged by the explosion of the dummy, the other explosion of the tub, being hit by a bunch of shards of glass, and also cats don’t like water.

You have now successfully slain a dragon in the most convoluted way possible.

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