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jjunae · 4 hours

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NYC ⸺ sjy

❔ spiderman pays you a visit 〡 spiderman!jake x fmr warnings! lil implications of skinship, swearing ( LIBRARY )

‘are you upset?’

‘no, of course not. do i look upset?’ you asked, teeth grit, while you aggressively flipped through the pages of your book, hardly bothered to spare a glance towards his direction.

‘i don't know. pretty, can you look at me?’ jake pleaded, and you closed the textbook shut, eyes flitting towards the window. he was always there, in his red and blue, web-themed suit. you’d, eventually, grown a habit of leaving it open, just for him.

‘don’t call me that.’

‘i knew you were mad. i promise, i'm not hurt,’ he said, his hand reaching to pull the mask off his face. you instantly jumped off your bed, scrambling over to him, to drag him inside your room. you slammed the shutters down, before turning to face him.

‘are you fucking stupid? i’ve told you a million times! don’t pull it off, even if you’re just out my window,’ you snapped. it was evident you were irritable.

‘sorry,’ he muttered, while he flung the cloth away.

‘don’t throw your shit around my room,’ you grumbled, while he bent over to pick up the mask off your floor, quietly mouthing a “sorry”, yet again.

you looked him up and down, your eyes scanning every inch of his body. he had a bloodied lip, and a couple of scrapes and cuts. not too much, you thought, while pulling out the first-aid box you’d kept for him.

‘sit,’ you instructed, and so he did. he knew exactly where to sit; he’d been in this room at least a million times, for this very reason.

‘i’m sorry,’ he started, causing you to furrow your brows.

‘i really am. i didn’t mean to stand you up, something was happening down at oscorp, and you know jay works there, so i-’

‘wait. you think i’m upset because you stood me up?’ you cut him off, with a tilt of your head.

‘yeah? i know you’d got us reservations, and i’m so sorry. i know it meant a lot to you, so i’ll make it up to you,’ he swore, a hint of confusion seeping into his eyes.

‘jake, i’m not upset about that. i know you have a duty to fulfill,’ you murmured, hand reaching to push back the sweaty strands of hair falling over his forehead, ‘it’s just, i’m always so worried. i know i’m being silly, but i’m scared for you. i don’t know what’s happening to you, or what you’re doing. is it so hard to tell me where you are?’ you asked, your voice slightly quivering.

‘no, i don’t like calling you. what if someone traces your number through my call records? i don’t want your safety to be compromised, but i guess that doesn't make sense, yeah? i mean, you’re always exposed to danger, because you’re close to me,’ he finished, with an awkward chuckle.

‘i chose to be with you, even though i knew about you being spiderman. it was my choice, so quit acting like a hero; like you’re responsible for me, all the damn time. i’m my own human,’ you spat, grabbing him by his cheeks, looking into his eyes.

a part of you knew, he could’ve stopped your hand if he wanted to, but he didn’t. he was trying to understand you, though it was hard for him. god, if only he knew how much you loved him.

‘okay,’ he said, slowly.

‘okay,’ you nodded, letting go of him, and you both maintained a comfortable silence, while you patched up his cuts.

‘what about my kiss?’ he complained, after a pause. it was (another) habit you had, kissing him after you were done helping him out.

‘you’ll get it. be patient, spider-boy.’

and, patient he was. sim jaeyun returned home as a happy man, with pink-colored smudges imprinted on his cheeks.

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thatoneneuvichiliauthor · 2 days

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So I'm personally a fan of fics where the characters react to their show/game/book/etc, and how they react to the things they never would have otherwise seen. What im saying is, In what ways do you think ratio would react to seeing aventurine in that last update? Seeing his past cutscenes that got shown, his conversations with his future self and seeing Aventurine's child form as well. Because theres so much there that ratio never would have gotten this perspective on otherwise and I have to wonder how hed feel about it. He probably already guessed that Aventurine had a rough life since he knows he used to be a slave, but thats different from seeing it first hand in his memories and to hear him basically admit to himself that hes tired, wishes that fate didnt curse him with his blessing, and really just wants to die. Like theres so much to explore here, especially from the view of Ratio who genuinely wants to help humanity seeing this

Oh that's a good question! The first thing that comes to my mind is that the more Aventurine expresses his desire to die, the more Ratio would be stressing out about the possibility that he might forget to open his note, that Aventurine might never know that someone did care. And he would be beyond relieved once Acheron does remind Aventurine to read it.

As for him witnessing Aventurine's past, I think that after seeing everything he went through, he would feel kind of guilty for not realizing that the power of the Harmony would put him back through all those bad memories and for not being there for him as he slowly fell apart (even though Ratio staying away and pretending he didn't care was part of Aventurine's plan). At the same time, he would also be impressed by Aventurine's resilience, by how he managed to make it out alive despite all the odds that were pitted against him. It would confirm what Ratio already suspected: that Aventurine is far more clever than anyone gives him credit for.

Most of all, I think Ratio would be dying to find a way to reach out to him, even in a situation he knows it isn't logically possible, because he sure cares so much for Aventurine, though he might not be the greatest at expressing it. I can also see him scribbling on his tablet as he writes down everything he should say/do the next time he sees Aventurine, because the last thing he wants is to screw it up and to make Aventurine feel even worse about himself.

(Oh, and after seeing all that, he would be furious at Sunday for the psychological torture he put Aventurine through)

I'm sure there would be many more things to say about his reactions, but this is what first came to me after reading your ask! And once again, thanks for sharing your thoughts about them with me 😊

#ratiorine #aventurine #dr ratio #asks #rambling

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but-a-humble-goon · 3 days

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Hey, I had a thought about Cassandra.

I haven't read any of her comics, only read the Batgirls one with the three batgirls going on their own side with that artstyle I love so much for some reason.

I know the fact that Cass speaks, and how, tend to change a lot between comics and all, and I don't know the exact lore, but I thought a bit deeper about it all from what I know.

Cain never taught Cass how to speak, right? She grew up with fighting and understanding the body as her only way to convey anything from her brain to the world. (even if she obviously learnt to understand other languages)

But languages shape how your brain understand and interact with the world. It is most noticable when someone talk a language they didn't grew speaking, there's those little mishaps or confusion of meaning and use for words that are said to be equivalent, and that's because you have to relearn a way to see and understand things.

I'd say it's even more obvious when the structure of the language changes, I don't speak any sign language, but I know how some things work, and you don't describe things the same way with it as you would with a spoken language. You have to translate the meaning because of that.

Now, to go back to Cass, she didn't grew up with either of those, at least from what I know. Her language is Body. Her mind shaped itself and its understanding of things through her and others' body. How do you translate that?

Like, she doesn't say things, she can see how others' body feel by looking at them, so she express her feeling through her body. If Cass were to want to express an emotion,her mind would first and foremost express it through her body, and that's not words, that's feelings, and your body can reflect so much mors complicated feelings than words.

My point is, if Cass was to learn her first spoken language while in her teens, it would be really hard for her to express herself in a way that is understandable. Bodies reflect intent with specific muscles, while you need to build a sentence. I know fanon make her learn ASL, which is logical from a vocal cords point of view because she never trained it to speak, but that would still make communication hard, because sign languages are still not body language.

I don't know if I get the idea across, but Cass' whole understanding of the world was built around the way bodies work, and it probably holds for animals too, which are just different, sometimes similar, body languages.

It is so intersting! You can only guess how they would understand the world!

But also, would hinder them so much in their communication. Once, if she ever, get past the training to not express any feeling, you would have someone who express anything with movement, postures, specific muscle being tensed or not. Someone one who is constantly seeing how others feel because no one knows how to prevent their bodies from having feeling.

You're on the same level as an empath as long as you can see their bodies. hiding your body allows you to not be truthful about your feeling...

I fee like I'm not going anywhere with this, but the implication over how one would share anything is wide.

It's actually addressed directly at the end of her solo book that for her it's not as easy as just learning a second language, it's a hardware problem. Her brain is so specialized for body language that it lacks the structure to even process written or verbal languages the way a typical brain can. While she can learn, it will always be much more difficult for her than anyone else.

Also the thing that makes her way of communicating unique is that it's sort of "read only." As in, since it's about reading subconscious body language signals there's no real way to consciously express yourself with it. That's part of why she's all about the arts (dancing, drawing etc) because she's never had ways to express herself properly before and words obviously don't work for her.

#cassandra cain #cassandra wayne #batgirl #dc #dcu #comics

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acourtofthought · 3 days

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Regarding Lucien’s scars. I think it’s basically a headcanon in the fandom that Lucien still has the scars on his back from being whipped, but if those are present in canon too, that could be interesting. Howeverrrr… the facial scar must be kind of a big deal for Lucien. Amarantha attacked him 50ish years ago and then within a few days she organized that masquerade ball “in Lucien’s honor” - the masked theme was a scheme to help him basically hide what she did to his face. Then the masks were plastered to the faces of everyone in Spring Court because Tamlin didn’t accept to sleep with Amarantha. So here’s Lucien, hiding his scars for 50 years no matter how uncomfortable the whole mask situation may have been… but now his facial scar that he cannot hide anywhere (unlike Azriel’s hands) is just in full view for anyone who looks at him. I think there is no question about it. He must be self conscious about it, especially since he thinks Elain is the most beautiful female he has ever seen and she doesn’t reciprocate anything yet. People have been writing about it here on tumblr recently but I really hope SJM explores Lucien’s character from this perspective too. I assume he must feel very inadequate compared to Elain. She has so much (family, friends, connected to the IC, safety and security, beauty, etc.), whereas Lucien refers to himself as a whole lot of nothing. He doesn’t have a home or even a court, he’s basically all alone in the fae world, his closest allies are two humans who so far don’t have much power or influence in Prythian. I assume he is probably also unhappy with his looks after such a traumatic experience. I hope SJM explores this, I think that would be a really cool addition to Elucien’s healing journey. Even though Lucien is quite snarky and cocky outwardly, his inner monologue seems very self conscious. Ahhh SJM give us the angstttttt

I AGREE!!!!!! I think while there are sincere aspects of Lucien's personality that are (hahaha, I just accidentally typed snocky which was my brain getting confused on whether I wanted to type snarky or cocky first) snarky and cocky, I also feel it's a default mechanism too. Lucien is known to take care in his appearance and he is aware of appearances. Even in book once he was a bit of a fashionista, commenting on how Feyre's tunic wasn't as pretty as a dress and being amazed at how positively fae she looked when she did finally put one on. There's also this: Lucien said, "True. But indulge me: you're a human woman, and yet you'd rather eat hot coals than sit here longer than necessary. Ignoring this" - he waved a hand at the metal eye and brutal scar on his face-" surely we're not so miserable to look at. Lucien must be constantly aware of others looking at him and I'm guessing he's never sure if it's about the eye or if his scars are unappealing to them. For someone who does care about appearances, whose job it is to talk to High Lords and make friends to be a successful emissary, there is definitely an inner discomfort he's trying to brush off through his nonchalance and jokes about his appearance. I think you're right. Elain is beautiful to the point that people talk. Eris somehow heard across courts that Lucien's mate is a real beauty. She had heiresses jealous of her at barely thirteen. Her mother commented that if her beauty held, she'd be able to secure them a decent match on the marriage market (Elain was 11). So Lucien comes along and not only is he given this super special, sacred bond with her but she turns out to be the most beautiful female he'd ever seen all while knowing that she's in love with someone else. And there he is, with no home, no family name, a scar running down his face and one eye. I would take Lucien in a second and we know that many in the ACOTAR world reference his good looks but you can see how he would struggle with his appearance. You can see how Elain literally took his breath away and she did not seem effected by him (I imagine we'll find out that wasn't the truth in her POV but it's how he perceived it at the time). He thinks she doesn't want him or need him and I definitely think we're going to find that he's been feeling very insecure about her perception of his physical appearance.

#lucien vanserra #pro elucien #pro lucien vanserra #elucien

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eve-dawntower · 1 day

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His Story (Jeremiah x MC)

Warning: None

Pairing: Jeremiah x Reader , Xavier x Reader

Tags: Light Angst, Unrequited Love

It was already late. You and Jeremiah had been waiting for Xavier. Xavier asked you to wait at Philos, and so here you are, trying to coax Jeremiah to tell you a story to ease the boredom.

"Come on, Jeremiah. Any story will do. Horror, comedy, drama, love story, it doesn't matter. Just please tell me a story."

"Can you just play with your phone or something?" Jeremiah asked in exasperation. He really didn't mind listening to any of your requests, but he was a bad storyteller. And he wasn't even sure what story to tell. Unlike Xavier, he was not a massive book reader. He had a lot of books, yet they remained untouched for hundreds of years.

"I already did, and I'm still bored," you stubbornly said.

"Fine," Jeremiah sighed in defeat. "I don't know what story to tell, though."

"Come on, I'm sure you can think of something good. I mean, Xavier can do it despite his stories being really bad," you said with a small chuckle.

Jeremiah laughed and relented. "Fine. I have an idea of what to tell now."

You looked at him excitedly. "I'm listening."

A small, sad smile appeared on his lips. And then, he began:

"This story is about my friend. He was goofy, cheerful, friendly, and a little full of himself. He was liked by everyone despite that, though.

One day, he went to this school. And there, he met the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. At least at that time, he thought she was the most beautiful woman. He befriended the woman and realized that she's not only beautiful but also very kind and caring. He fell in love with her. She's the love of his life, his sweetheart, his queen.

But one day, the lady introduced him to someone else. Another guy. A guy who was much more handsome, much stronger, much calmer, and above all, a prince.

He was everything that he wasn't, and the guy couldn't help but feel hopeless and defeated.

He also noticed the way she looked at the princely man. A gaze full of love and adoration. He was sure she didn't realize it, but he knew. He knew because that was how he also looked at her. What made him more hopeless was the way the princely man also looked at her. Right at that moment, he knew. He knew that the feeling was mutual. He knew that they both loved each other.

He had to make the hardest decision: to step back. Because he knew that the other guy was the man who could make her happy. At least that was what he thought until he noticed how he was treating her. No, the other guy was not treating her badly. It was just that it seemed like she was not his first priority. He always disappeared for long periods of time without telling her, and she obediently waited for him. Whenever that happened, he second-guessed his decision to give way.

Maybe this was not the right choice. Maybe he should have at least fought for her? And yet, whenever he saw her eyes light up whenever the other guy appeared, he would think that maybe this was how it was supposed to be.

For years, the cycle happened continuously: he'd disappear, she'd wait, he'd return. Every time it happened, he would stay beside her, listen to her complaints, and give snarky remarks or insult the other guy in return.

As time passed, the young man's feelings for the woman remained unchanged. Despite the pain of watching her with another, he couldn't deny the love he harbored within his heart. Yet, he continued to hide his true emotions, burying them beneath a facade of friendship and support.

And then, the prince disappeared again, this time, for much, much longer.

No one knew where he was, and everyone had already given up on him. Most of them thought he would never return. And yet, the lady remained, waiting for him. The other guy decided to stay by her side even though it hurt him. Seeing the woman he loves pining for another man is painful, but for him, it would be more painful to see her face the loneliness alone. And so, he stayed at her side.

And one fateful day, the prince returned again. This time, he seemed different. He was more determined about something that only he was aware of.

The other guy then finally talked to the prince. And then, the prince finally confessed what was going on.

Let's just say it has something to do with saving the life of the woman they both love. Determined, he decided to join the prince in his quest to save their beloved's life, making a sacrifice of leaving the woman where she would be safe.

Jeremiah ended the story and looked at you.

"That's kind of sad," you said, looking back at him. "Did your friend and the prince manage to save her?"

Jeremiah smiled a little. "Not yet. They're still working on it."

"Oh. So... Your friend still loves her even up until now?"

Jeremiah chuckled. "Well, no one could change his love for her, but he realized that the prince loves her more than he loves her. In the end, he met another woman named Bella and dated her. But of course, he is still determined to save the life of his first love."

You smiled. "He seems nice."

Jeremiah smiled back. "Nah. He's a shitty guy."

Just then, a light beam covered the area as Xavier appeared.

Jeremiah sighed. "You promised to use the door instead of teleporting, Xavier."

Xavier apologized with a deadpan expression and turned to you before smiling and offering a hand.

"Let's go home?"

You smiled and took his hand. "Yeah," you said and turned to Jeremiah. "Bye, Jeremiah, and thank you for telling me the story. I hope your friend finds the happiness he deserves."

Xavier looked questioningly, but you only gave him a secretive smile.

Jeremiah smiled and nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

As Xavier and you disappeared, Jeremiah let out a defeated sigh. "As long as you're happy, I'll be happy, my queen."

END

MASTERLIST

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace jeremiah

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pastafossa · 9 months

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Hit up a used bookstore today. I'm looking for old illustrations, basically, to collage into my junk journal style binder. Hopefully coming from books that would otherwise wind up in the garbage.

Had two interesting finds today!

The first: a book from the 70s about healthy herbs. Whoever owned it underlined a TON of stuff under slippery elm and mallow root (sore throat maybe?). They also left behind two things: a pressed leaf, and a fairly recent looking baby photo, used as a bookmark! Maaaaybe not the best choice for a bookmark. Has some nice illustrations!

Second: an even older book about herbal remedies, that appears to have once been a Catholic school library book in Buffalo, NY, though originally printed in London! It's still got its library card with names and everything, and some sort of like... Mary prayer card (idk, I'm not a Catholic, I just write one). I'm not sure how old it is (I think from 1950, the printing date is like... roman numerals?), but let's just say kids at the school were reading this book before my parents were even born. Interestingly, the only page with a fold or note in it is, again, slippery elm (follklore: ends pregnancies; coincidence at a catholic school?). It's got beautiful illustrations though, in between hilarious rants about girls PAINTING THEIR NAILS GREEN HOW SCANDALOUS and some... interesting remedies that I wouldn't really trust anymore. 😂

#i love old books because i love seeing what people were focusing on #the first book someone REALLY I'm guessing #wanted to treat a sore throat issue #although idk why the baby pic. but the leaf is cool!#maybe I should post the pic in my secondhand group and see if the owner's out there somewhere #the second book's library card was neat!#and the remedies were either hilarious or terrifying #i did bust up when she was just SHOCKED SHOCKED I SAY over some girl's green nails #either way it was a win i think #good stuff for my journal that might otherwise have gone unused!

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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set out to create a serious, canonesque drawing with which to say "feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me mystery speculate" but only got going when i made it bowling and the rarepair agenda

#not that i imagine anything w/mordecai's Rare so much as: diluted range of possibilities lol. probably someones on that mordecai/virgil life #when it turns out it takes several tries to start to get more solid footing at drawing characters for the first time: What The?????#i actually don't think i ever tried drawing lackadaisy before; against all odds....if i had i would've had a head start lol #lackadaisy #corned beef #any collectively used pairing name here? mordenico? nicodecai? in absence of otherwise Knowing:#nicodeme savoy #mordecai heller #me in '07 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! me in '23 going oh my GOD this ART!!!! & guess how i've always felt years in between #goddd perusing the gallery bonus art afresh recently just like WOWWW i'm SOOO #the collages of full-body drawings for book purchases i think like my GOD i love to see it. plus that the Extra Stuff gallery means there's #such a variety like. stuff that's clearly noncanon; stuff that could be / kinda is; jokes; portraits; story / characters insight....waaughh #also shoutout to everyone behind all the mordecais in KS Backer Art 1 & 2 like ''sexy mordecai please'' apparently lmao. hell yeah #anyways my Marigold Bowling Team headcanons are simple and straightforward: nicodeme w/the muscle can get a strike from the force of having #hit one pin that smashes into all the others; but don't underestimate his versatility. mordecai with the precision / method & absolutely #who you want trying to hit the only pin left on the lane. serafine's got like serpentine curveballs changing velocity halfway down the lane #and they've All got pointing a gun at the people setting pins / returning balls b/c that wasn't automated back in the twenties #back when everyone had customized printed tees....oh fun fact. a real live kitty cat crinkled that first pic's paper by jumping on it #or really; ricocheting off of it. classic #also the ''i want people to seriously consider nicodeme/mordecai. but also sillily'' purposes have me using Close Contact as a shorthand #it's earnest and can sure be [longhand] too but you go ''You Could Never HC Datingly Affection ft. An Always Touch Averse Character'' & i?#well i scoff derisively and slowly swivel my chair around to face you; arms crossed; smhing....hah. how greatly you underestimate my power.#you're throwing [hcs for a romance ft. an autistic character] & [that ft. an asexual character] & i'm grabbing them midair & Sips Them #ha ha why these replenish my health And experience bars....#Never Be Afraid To Forget To Draw Mordecai's Glasses Or That You Also Put Your Thumb In A Bowling Ball....he's warming up. or w/e.#nicodeme w/the boxing experience shoulders massage trope. giving that pep talk #or you can go ''get a strike or we kill you'' b/c you never have to find out if he's joking or not #mordecai unfazed b/c that's the stakes in this business (bowling) & he's autistic so always having to ignore Everyone being weird/confusing #haven't come up with a lackadaisy's team bowling pun name lol.#still feel free to go in my lackadaisy tag and help me brainstorm mitzi n mordecai's murder mystery ;w; enrichment

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emile-hides · 6 months

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when the theater guy WHAT

I went to see the FNaF Movie today and seeing as I have a total of Zero friends in real world event range and both of my parents hate horror I had to go to the theater by myself for the very first time in my life, which was fine. Until it wasn't

The dude in charge of ticket checks stops me and instead of asking to see a ticket asks if the mask I was wearing was part of some costume. Little black cloth face mask, covid thing. He was an old man on a scooter and not wanting to have a discussion with this tiny old man about Covid19 I just went along with it and said sure yeah. It kind of was anyway, it has a little bear mouth on it and I was wearing Bear Ears and a brown cardigan as well.

Man goes "You can't wear a mask in here." I say "Why not?" He says "You can't wear a mask in here." I go, "I heard that part. Why Not. "Policy, I don't make the rules, just enforce them." I realize this man is being paid minimum wage to sit here and police people so I go, "Okay." and walk past him because he's just some guy in a little scooter in the middle of the atrium and he hasn't asked for my ticket so I assume that's Not His Job

He calls me back for my ticket so I take out my phone with the QR code with my ticket on it and he takes my phone to (I assumed) scan the code and then he pulls out his walkie and calls his manager and I realize very quickly he is not scanning my ticket and I want to Leave Now.

"Can I have my phone back?" "When my manager gets here."

"Give me my phone back." "When my manager gets here."

"Bill. Give me. My Phone." "As soon as my manager gets here"

I make a swipe to grab my phone from him and this tiny little 60 something man in a scooter in the middle of a theater atrium as the audacity to hold it back over his head like I am a Toddler he is preventing from grabbing at a knife.

I am now having a panic attack.

Manager walks over and I am a broken little Autistic man who just wanted to watch a Bad Horror Movie (it was actually pretty good) so I scream at this lanky probably 30-something in the middle of a Cinemark Theater Atrium with many a random bystander around "TELL HIM. TO GIVE ME. MY PHONE."

I swipe my phone from Bill's hand, full turn, and bolt out the door half way across the parking lot and call my mother in a heap on the sidewalk.

It's a very good thing the Five Nights at Freddy's movie was way better than I was expecting or today would have been awful.

#I never rant about anything ever but Oh My God #Oh???? My God???? What the Hell??????#I should point out. I might have said 'tell him to give me my fucking phone'#I say might because I Do Not Remember perfectly #As I was mid panic attack and was really fighting back the urge to Hit That Old Man #But I have been told I swear just a little when I'm too stressed #The manager was SO apologetic like the second he walked onto the scene I do remember that #He followed me at first when I ran but as soon as I was out of the building it was out of his hands so #I came back with my mother and she talked to him and it's like #The little old man is just. Kind of stupid. And an extreme rule follower #No Costume/Halloween masks in the theater is the rule and TECHNICALLY I did tell him the mask I was wearing was a costume piece #Is that still any reason for Taking Someone's Fucking Phone??? No absolutely not #But that's apparently ANOTHER rule #If there's anything sus about someone he's to hold their proof of entry (ticket) until a manager arrives #Which is most certainly a rule about Forgery Paper Tickets and NOT about holding someone's cellular device hostage over a mask #But like I said. This man is very locked on rules and had no common sense apparently #He gave us complimentary tickets after that so that was neat I guess #Anyway. The FNaF movie's good.#I enjoyed it a LOT better than I've enjoyed any of the games #I really was expecting a trash show like the books but man. Man #It was fun.#Not scary like at all but. Very fun.#You could go in knowing nothing about FNaF and come out with the most baseline knowledge which is fun #A good straightforward starting point #However I was disappointment in the lack of Autistic Children talking through the movie!!! Honestly!!!#I wanted to hear a child three seats down info dumping to their parent dammit!!!#Like with the Mario Movie!!!

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dyketennant · 5 months

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i think next semester is finally going to be the one that gives me a heart attack and kills me 💞

#vent #let's see #i am:#-doing my normal job stuff at the theater plus some additional grant work #-helping with a children's book that the theater is making which includes not only writing some of it but marketing it #-doing my first big boy serious puppet show that we might submit to the national slam if it's actually good #-writing and acting for a live sci-fi audio drama that has shows every month #-taking on a second job as a part time grader for fms 100 which includes attending one class per week and grading assignments for 100+ ppl #-taking 15 credit hours that are all upper division semester long classes and have me on campus from 9am-4:15pm tues and thurs #-finishing two (2) portfolios to apply for both concentrations in my major program (because i'm insane. i guess)#-probably should start worrying about my lgbtq certificate capstone oh yeah btw i think i have to do two capstones my senior year isnt that #something #-also im moving out of my parents' house next month so it'll be my first time living on my own #(so my winter break isn't even a break really bc i have to pack everything and move)#can someone just like. idk #give me a really long hug or something #i don't know what to do like. genuinely #barely even surviving school right now bc it's finals

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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 2 years

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thinkin about that one kpop tweet that was like "when jaehyun gets a gf i'm not gonna act fake like the rest of y'all and say "i want her 😍" i'm going to kill myself" because they are the most genuine person i've ever heard from on the topic tbh. ik for a fact ppl just act fake when shit like that happens esp when they were super big "i wanna fuck him" fans before that lmao

#or the 'omg they're so cute!!' ppl. being happy for the person i get but don't lie to yourself and everyone else lmao #i say that but maybe they are being genuine and i don't get it because i am never genuine in that situation #in fact the only time i was happy for someone i wanted to fuck who got a gf was hyuna and dawn bc they're perfect for e/o #but i won't lie when i was obsessed w him before the truth got leaked i was really upset about the possibility of them dating 🙄#simply because i am a dipshit who needs everything to be mine and mine alone and if i express attraction in someone w a gf i get angry #at myself. this i think stems back to my best friend deciding to date my 2 year long crush because she was mad at me and he liked her #and she didn't even like him like that but she would go 'you should be happy for us if you like both of us! why are you so angry?'#even tho she was legit just doing it to MAKE ME ANGRY and then she dumped him a week later after i stopped being mad at her #and tried to be 'genuinely' happy for them #so idk. that was probably the worst thing she could've done to me because i don't think i'll ever get over it and it happened when we were #like. 10 #anyways my point is that i may be a delusional freak but at least i don't lie to myself and everyone else abt it 🤷‍♀️#unless it was like almost a yr ago when i found out abt jrmas gf and i lied and said i was happy for him LMAO but i had to say that to move #on w/ my life and it didn't even end up working bc here i am writing more text posts about how i haven't moved on and i hate his gf for #existing. welllllll i'm a mean and volatile person and i overindulge myself in other people's business if i become obsessed so i was never #a good person but that's the long and short of it i guess.#i really wish i wasn't so stupid and didn't have to proclivity towards people who will never know who i am and never like me if they did #but i have genuinely only been this way and if u read my life like a book u would be disgusted and perturbed by what u saw #but tou would be drawing parallels about this back to the first fuckin chapter i can tell ya that much #idk ig i was right when i said that this would be the last time and that it's him or nobody for me because i just don't care anymore #i can't believe i've ever been stupid enough to think that i'd end up with someone just bc i was a fan of them #and yet she ended up with him as a fan so. just makes me see red but it's whatever LMAO #if u read all that i implore u to block me if you have any bad vibes bc this is just the kind of person i am and i'm sorry i weird u out #and if ya do. thank u for ur concern and i'm sorry i couldn't have been a kinder or more well adjusted person who was worth talking to...#in the end i guess i am just the obsessive weirdo that i have been since i was 6 #it all just comes down to me not thinking she deserves him. i think if he stayed w kim i would've been fine and gotten over him normally #but he just had to fuck a fan huh #anyways i'll be fine no worries i just need to do hard drugs and die probably

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cienie-isengardu · 2 years

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Have you liked the republic commando books? They have great clone lore but I could barely get through the last two because of how they represent/depict the Jedi.

The oversimplified answer would be yes, I like the Republic Commando series but with a long list of objections. My feelings about this book series are very complicated and so far only TCW managed to give me a similar level of conflicting thoughts about any star wars source material.

When the book showed up in my country in 2006, I was already hooked on the clone wars era and clone troopers (alongside Mandalorians and Darth Vader) were my personal niche of interest and then there was the fact that book was tied to the Republic Commando game that I love to this day, so of course I needed to read it. I was a bit disappointed to learn it was not about Delta Squad but Ghez Hokan and the general focus on the clones made up for it for me. The story was quite refreshing after dozens of Jedi-centric comics and books so there is no surprise I welcomed the sequel. Triple Zero and every following part however went deeper not only in presenting the clone trooper’s daily life but also into Mandalorian culture as well into critique of Jedi Order and here my feelings quickly got complicated. There are plenty things I enjoy about this series, starting of course with Walon Vau and Mird who were my main motivation to read all books regardless of their quality, then there is Delta Squad, the general take on clones and their economic and social situation that was rarely brought into question by other sources. There is the military aspect I like and humor that makes me smile everytime I reread certain chapters (mainly just Vau being Vau and irritating Skirata because he can). There is Mandalorian culture that I find amazing in theory but in practice only to some degree for a huge part of it is twisted in a way I do not like at all (which I blame mainly on Skirata's misogyny).

I will not lie - I do admire the author's guts to bring up to light the lack of proper laws and health care regarding clones but I despite how her own pet characters like Kal Skirata got absolved by almost everyone regardless of the shit he does. And I have a long list of shitty behavior of his to complain about, starting with his awful treatment of pregnant Etain and general misogyny to the way he treats his so-called beloved sons (holding back crucial information regarding Daman’s child is just a tip of the iceberg. His general attitude of treating them as kids instead of men capable of making their own decisions irks me to no end). I can understand Mandalorian biased views on the Jedi Order and Republic even if I don’t agree with everything. I can understand to some degree that other characters share this sentiment once they get under Kal’s influence (albeit to this day I do not understand why everyone seems to fall into the role of Kal Skirata’s loyal fanboy and to be honest, Jusik Bardan is the most annoying in that. Not even as a character but as part of narrative/plotline and another special kid to do the bidding of Skirata. At some point he felt more like Skirata's favorite boy than Ordo, if my memories serves me right and to be honest, I try not to not remember much about Skirata-Nulls-Bardan if there is no need for that, heh).

However what I do not understand and definitely dislike is how women are portrayed and to some degree objectified in contrast to male characters. Which is pretty shame because I like Etain and Laseema and even Besany seems fine (though since she is mainly tied to Ordo-Skirata I’m kinda indifferent to her what comes from my own bias for what I’m not even remotely sorry about) yet if it feels weird that every available adult / relatively attractive woman ends as girlfriend/fiance/wife of clone troopers or main male characters (albeit again, it may be my own bias since romantic subplots rarely kept me interested). The women deserve better than being the “trophy” lover whose whole life orbiting around their men and/or Skirata’s plans for clone troopers. I truly find it annoying how heavily featured is the idea of “man should find himself a nice wife and have kids” that Skirata is projecting on everyone around him. I mean, not every woman must be straight and into clones the same as not every clone must be hooked up with the first - or any at all - female character he met.

(To be honest, some clone characters felt like having little to none interest in relationships - mainly Delta Squad but they could be unavailable for the author to pair them with anyone? In general, the feeling of asexual/aromantic few clones was intentional, or it is just me or there just weren’t enough female to pair them up is still up to debate I guess)

Similarly, the deeper in the storyline, the more and more clones are pushed to the margin for Skirata’s sake and Mandalorian culture overall. A culture that is pretty neat in theory but somehow works differently in narrative, which is again, related to approach to female characters. This and some weird glorification of Mandalorians, but that may be more the fault of fans who don’t want to acknowledge the brutality of Mandalorian culture? Oh, and I definitely hate how one-sided the books are about True Mandalorians and Death Watch which is really annoying. Understable from Skirata and Vau’s POVs but irritating no less for me.

Personally, I’m not so much offended by critique of Jedi or Republic but I can see why some fans can’t stomach this series, especially since the books don’t give much opportunity and space to discuss controversial matters, there is little to none counterarguments coming from POV of supposedly less biased characters.

So in general, I liked and still like this series, but I’m also aware of a pretty long list of flaws that are hard to overlook. And to be honest, the fact that after reading the author's ideas / plotlines for the Imperial Commando: 501st’s sequel I was so damn happy that it was in fact the last book speaks a lot about my feelings, isn’t it?

#star wars #republic commando #my replies #republic commando critically #i guess i should just write i like the series despite the one flaw that is kal skirata lol #the fact i needed wait two books so someone would finally hit him was scandalous #i mean skirata is interesting as a concept but as character not really #if not vau and mird and deltas i'm not sure if i would keep reading the seriies #but then again clone troopers are my niche so...#RC has a good points and some weird bias toward everyone who is not mando and clone #and to be honest i don't mind characters biased toward others people or groups #but it would be nice if said people or groups had a chance to show their POV for reader to judge it #not being told time after time by narrative who is good daddy to clones #but of course it is just my opinion #a very agressive and angry about female characters first and foremost heh #though RC is still less annoying to talk about than TCW for me so you can imagine how mixed feelings i have for the other series LOL

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wifelinkmtg · 8 months

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TUMBLR POST EDITOR WON'T LET ME TITLE THIS POST ANYMORE SO I GUESS THIS IS THE TITLE NOW. WEBBED SITE INNIT

So let's say you grew up in the nineties and that The Lion King was an important movie to you. Let's say that the character of Scar - snarling, ambitious, condescending, effeminate Scar - stirred feelings in you which you had no words for as a child. And then let's say, many years later, you're talking about it with a college friend, and you say something like, "oh man, I think Scar was some sort of gay awakening for me," and she fixes you with this level stare and says, "Scar was a fascist. What's the matter with you?"

The immediate feeling is not unlike missing a step: hang on, what's happening, what did I miss? You knew there were goose-stepping hyenas in "Be Prepared," but you didn't think it mattered that much. He's the bad guy, after all, and the movie's just pointing it out. Your friend says it's more than that: the visuals of the song are directly referencing the Nuremberg rallies. They're practically an homage to Riefenstahl. This was your sexual awakening? Is this why you're so into peaked caps and leather, then? Subliminal nazi kink, perhaps?

And then one of your other friends cuts in. "Hold up," he says, "let's think about what Scar actually did in the movie. He organized a group of racialized outcasts and led them against a predatory monarchy. Why are you so keen to defend their hereditary rule? Scar's the good guy here." The conversation immediately descends into a verbal slap fight about who the real bad guy is, whether Scar's regime was actually responsible for the ecological devastation of the Pride Lands, whether the hyenas actually count as "racialized" because James Earl Jones voiced Mufasa after all. Your Catholic friend starts saying some strange and frankly concerning shit about Natural Law. Someone brings The Lion King 2 into it. You leave the conversation feeling a little bit lost and a little bit anxious. What were we even talking about?

INTRODUCING: THE DITCH

There is a way of reading texts which I'm afraid is pervasive, which has as its most classical expression the smug obsession with trivia and minutiae you find in a certain vein of comic book fan. "Who was the first Green Lantern? What was his weakness? Do you even know the Green Lantern Oath?" It eschews the subjective in favor of definitively knowable fact. You can't argue with this guy that, say, Alan Scott shouldn't really count as the first Green Lantern because his whole deal is so radically different from the Hal Jordan/John Stewart/Guy Gardner Corps-era Lanterns, because this guy will simply say "but he's called Green Lantern. Says so right on the cover. Checkmate." This approach to reading a text is fundamentally 1) emotionally detached (there's a reason the joke goes, oh you like X band? name three of their songs - and not, which of their songs means the most to you? which of them came into your life at exactly the right moment to tell you exactly what you needed to hear just then?) and 2) defensive. It's a stance that is designed not to lose arguments. It says so right on the cover. Checkmate.

And then you get the guys who are like "well obviously Bruce Wayne could do far more as a billionaire to solve societal problems by using his tremendous wealth to address systemic issues instead of dressing up as a bat and punching mental patients in the head," and these guys have half a point but they're basically in the same ditch butting heads with the "well, actually" guys, and can we not simply extricate ourselves from the ditch entirely?

So, okay, let's return to our initial example. Scar is portrayed using Nazi iconography - the goose-stepping, the monumentality, the Nuremberg Lichtdom. He is also flamboyant and effete. He unifies and leads a group of downtrodden exiles to overthrow an absolute monarch. He's also a self-serving despot on whose rule Heaven Itself turns its back. You can't reconcile these things from within the ditch - or if you can, the attempt is likely to be ad-hoc supposition and duct tape.

Instead, let's ask ourselves what perspective The Lion King is coming from. What does it say is true about the world? What are its precepts, its axioms?

There is a natural hierarchical order to the world. This is just and righteous and the way of things, and attempts to overthrow this order will be punished severely by the world itself.

Fascism is what happens when evil men attempt to usurp this natural order with the aid of a group or groups of people who refuse to accept their place in the order.

There exists an alternative to defending and adhering to one's place in the natural order - it consists only of selfish spineless apathy.

Manliness is an essential quality of a just ruler. Unmanliness renders a person unfit for rule, and often resentful and dangerous as well.

And isn't that interesting, laid out like that? It renders the entire argument about the movie irrelevant (except for whatever your Catholic friend was on about, since his understanding of the world seems to line up with the above precepts weirdly well.) It's meaningless to argue about whether Scar was a secret hero or a fascist, when the movie doesn't understand fascism and has a damn-near alien view of what good and evil are.

There's always gonna be someone who, having read this far, wants to reply, "so, what? The Lion King is a bad movie and the people who made it were homophobes and also American monarchists, somehow? And anyone who likes it is also some sort of gay-bashing crypto-authoritarian?" To which I have to reply, man, c'mon, get out of the ditch. You're no good to anyone in there. Take my hand. I'm going to pull on three. One... two...

SO PHYREXIA [PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE, GROANS]

We're talking about everyone's favorite ichor-drooling surgery monsters again because there was a bit in my ~*~seminal~*~ essay Transformation, Horror, Eros, Phyrexia which seemed to give a number of readers quite a bit of trouble: namely, the idea that while Phyrexia is textually fascist, their aesthetic is incompatible with real-world fascism, and further, that this aesthetic incompatibility in some way outweighs the ways in which they act like a fascist nation in terms of how we think of them. I'll take responsibility here: I don't think that point is at all clear or well-argued in that essay. What I was trying to articulate was that the text of Magic: the Gathering very much wants Phyrexia to be supremely evil and dangerous fascists, because that makes for effective antagonists, but in the process of constructing that, it's accidentally encoded a whole bunch of fascinating presuppositions that end up working at cross-purposes with its apparent aim. That's... not that much clearer, is it? Hmm. Why don't I just show you what I mean?

Atraxa, Grand Unifier (art by Marta Nael)

In "Beneath Eyes Unblinking," one of the March of the Machine stories by K. Arsenault Rivera, there's a fascinating and I think revealing passage in which Atraxa (big-deal Phyrexianized angel and Elesh Norn's lieutenant) has a run-in with an art museum in New Capenna. The first thing I want to talk about is that, in this passage, Atraxa has no understanding of the concept of "beauty". A great deal of space in such a rushed storyline is devoted to her trying to puzzle out what beauty means and interrogating the minds of her recently-compleated Capennan aesthetes to try and understand it. In the end, she is unable to conceive of beauty except as "wrongness," as anathema.

So my first question is, why doesn't Atraxa have any idea of beauty? This is nonsense, right? We could point to a previous story, "A Garden of Flesh," by Lora Gray, in which Elesh Norn explicitly thinks in terms of beauty, but that's a little bit ditchbound, isn't it? The better argument is to simply look at Phyrexian bodies, at the Phyrexian landscape, all of which looks the way it does on purpose, all of which has been shaped in accordance with the very real aesthetic preferences of Phyrexians. How you could look at the Fair Basilica and not understand that Phyrexians most definitely have an idea of beauty, even if you personally disagree with it, is baffling. This is a lot like the canonical assertion that Phyrexians lack souls, which is both contradicted elsewhere in canon and essentially meaningless, given Magic's unwillingness or inability to articulate what a soul is in its setting, and as with this, it seems the goal is simply to dehumanize Phyrexians, to render them alien, even at the cost of incoherence or internal contradiction.

Atraxa's progress through the museum is fascinating. It evokes the 1937 Nazi exhibit on "degenerate art" in Munich, but not at all cleanly. The first exhibit, which is of representational art, she angrily destroys for being too individualistic (a point of dissonance with the European fascist movements of the 20th century, which formed in direct antagonism to communism.) The second exhibit, filled with abstract paintings and sculptures, she destroys even more angrily for having no conceivable use (this is much more in line with the Nazi idea of "degenerate art", so well done there.) The third exhibit is filled with war trophies and reconstructions from a failed Phyrexian invasion of Capenna many years prior, which she is angriest of all with (and fair enough, I suppose.) But then, after she's done completely trashing the place, she spots a number of angel statues on the cathedral across the plaza, and she goes apeshit. In a fugue of white-hot rage, she pulverizes the angel heads, and here is where I have to ask my second question:

Why angels? If you are trying to invoke fascist attitudes toward art, big statues of angels are precisely the wrong thing for your fascist analogues to hate. Fascists love monumental, heroic representations of superhuman perfection. It's practically their whole aesthetic deal. I understand that we're foreshadowing the imminent defeat of Phyrexia at the hands of legions of angels and a multiversal proliferation of angel juice, but that just leads to the exact same question: why angels? To the best of my knowledge, the Phyrexian weakness to New Capennan angel juice is something invented for this storyline. They have, after all, been happily compleating angels since 1997. We could talk about the in-universe justification for why Halo specifically is so potent, but I don't remember what that justification is, and also don't care. Let's not jump back in the ditch, please. The point is, someone decided that this time, Phyrexia would be defeated by an angelic host, and what does that mean? What is the text trying to say? What are its precepts and axioms?

Let me ask you a question: how many physically disabled angels are there in Magic: the Gathering? How about transsexual angels? How many angels are there, on all of the cards that have ever been printed for Magic: the Gathering, that are even just a bit ugly? Do you get it yet? Or do you need me to spell it out for you?

SPELLING IT OUT FOR YOU

There is a kind of body which is bad. It is bad because it has been significantly altered from its natural state, and it is bad because it is repellent to our aesthetic sensibilities.

The bad kind of body is contagious. It spreads through contact. Sometimes people we love are infected, and then they become the bad kind of body too.

There is a kind of body which is good. It is good because it is pleasing to our aesthetic sensibilities, and it is good because it is unaltered from its (super)natural state.

A happy ending is when all the good bodies destroy or drive into hiding all of the bad bodies. A happy ending is when the bad bodies of the people we love are forcibly returned to being the good kind of body.

Do you get it now?

ENDNOTES

It's worth noting that the ditch is very similar to the white American Evangelical hermeneutics of "the Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it," the defensive chapter-and-verse-or-it-didn't-happen approach to reading a text, what Fred Clark of slacktivist calls "concordance-ism". I don't think that's accidental. We stand underneath centuries of people reading the Bible very poorly - how could that not affect how we read things today? We are participants in history whether we like it or not.

I sincerely hope I haven't come across as condescending in this essay. Close reading is legitimately difficult! They teach college courses on this stuff! And while it is frustrating to have my close readings interrogated by people who... aren't doing that, like. I do get it. I find myself back in the ditch all the time. This stuff is hard. It is also, sorry, crucial if you intend to say something about a text that's worth saying.

I also hope I've communicated clearly here. Magic story is sufficiently incoherent that trying to develop a thesis about it often feels like trying to nail jello to the wall. If anyone has questions, please ask them! And thank you for reading. Next time, we'll probably do the new Eldraine set.

#phyrexia #not defining the ditch except by implication #thanks to all the very smart vorthoi on the flavor text discord server for helping me work through my thoughts on fascism and phyrexia #this is technically the march of the machine review also #or as much of one as i care to do

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sunniskyies · 3 months

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𝐁𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 || 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: - 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Your boyfriend Percy has been at camp all summer, and you’re anxious that he’s moved on since you last saw him 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: book!Percy Jackson x fem!reader 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: - 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬: Fluff with a dash of pining and a sprinkle of fluff !! 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k 𝐀/𝐍: Take a wild guess who the woman is (>ᴗ•) ♡

You're picking at your fingers again, a nervous habit Percy always scolds you for. Your hoodie —his hoodie— is soaked through with rain, the weather turned bad now the summer is over.

You've been sitting at the bus stop for hours now, and resorted to pacing to calm your anxious thoughts. It's late now, 9 pm on a Friday. The only other person here is a beautiful woman who has failed to board a single bus in the hour she's been sitting there.

You're on your 467th lap of the ground between two pavement tiles when the woman speaks up.

"What ails you, my darling?" She asks from her perch beneath the narrow lip of the bus stop.

You glance over, hesitant for a second. Is this one of the monsters Percy has talked about? She definitely seems suspicious.

"I'm just nervous to see someone I haven't seen in a while," you say cautiously. The woman delicately raises an eyebrow.

"A boy," you clarify. "My boyfriend."

A smile lights up the woman's face, revealing perfect teeth from behind her soft pink lips. "That's what I thought!" She says, adjusting her floral dress over her knees when a single drop of water hits her ivory skin. She grimaces.

"Please sit in the dry, sweetie. I'll comb out your hair while you tell me everything."

You hesitate again, not wanting Percy's first job after camp to be saving you from a monster. But something in the woman's eyes calls to be trusted. And besides, your hair is a damp, scraggly mess. Do you really want Percy to see you like this?

Of course the gorgeous woman has a literal gold comb in the Prada bag she's stashed beneath the bench, and begins running the fine teeth through your hair when you sit down beside her.

"So? Why are you so troubled?" She prompts after a beat.

You sigh, shifting on the seat. "Well, he's been away all summer at— er, a camp. And, well, I dunno. I guess I'm just worried he's moved on from me," you mumble.

You glance over your shoulder as if seeking approval from the pretty woman. But instead of seeing the blonde ringletted, pale-skinned lady who sat there before, a stunning tan woman (who can only be described as a supermodel) has replaced her.

"Wait— Did you— Weren't you..?" You stammer, eyes wide. The woman just smiles, gently shushing you.

"No, dear. It's just the lighting," she replies.

You want to argue, jump up and run away. But something about her fingers on your hair soothes you like a mother does a baby. You find yourself relaxing, all worries erased.

"So why would he move on from you? You seem very lovely to me, dear. And so pretty," she continues.

You sigh again. "Well, there's this girl. She's gorgeous, I've seen Polaroids." You think back to the scrapbook Percy had shown you last year, a beautiful girl named Annabeth with blonde curls and sun-kissed skin.

"They're like, best friends," you deflate. "And he's really talented, and she is too. I'm just some boring girl from the city he met years ago. He's sure to move on to someone like her. Isn't he?" You fret, looking back at the woman again.

The woman —who now sports luscious auburn curls and crystalline eyes— gives you another sweet, motherly smile.

"No, dear. If I know anything about love," she chuckles, "is that it is not easily swayed by beauty or talent. Love is built on something deeper."

You spin around to face her, drinking in her words. "But what if he has found someone better?" you whisper.

The woman sets the comb aside and clasps your hands with hers, her gaze locked with yours. "My dear, there will always be other people who come and go in our lives. But true love is irreplaceable. If Percy truly loves you, he will see you uniquely and fully— as you."

You nod understandingly, and it’s only later that evening that you realise you had never told her Percy’s name.

Suddenly, your intent gaze is pulled away by the sound of an approaching vehicle, and you watch as a shoddy public bus pulls into the stop with a 'splash' and a 'thunk' as it disturbs a large rain-filled pothole.

Through the window seeping warm light into the dark evening, you can make out the silhouette of a dark-haired boy. He stands from his seat and starts walking down the alley.

"That's him!" You squeak, turning back to the lady to point him out.

But the spot beside you is empty, cold and unoccupied as if she was never there.

But you don't have time to wonder because the doors of the bus are beginning to open. You stand up quickly, the nerves returning to your body.

"Trust me," you swear a woman's voice whispers in your ear, but you're distracted by Percy stepping off the bus and rushing over to you.

He sweeps you off your feet, spinning you around and around till you giggle for him to stop. He sets you down gently, green eyes dilated and sickly sweet when they meet yours.

"I missed you so much!" He says, voice filled with genuine affection, and you feel every shred of doubt leave your body.

You laugh, still dizzy. "Percy! I missed you too!"

You finally get to kiss him, and he kisses you back eagerly. He doesn't seem to care about being soaked out here in the rain, every inch of him turned to you with rapt attention.

When you pull away, Percy reaches up to brush a wet strand of hair out of your face, his fingers lingering on your flushed skin. "You're so beautiful," he murmurs, his voice brimming with adoration. "I missed this face."

You lean into him, settling into the arm he wraps around you as you begin to walk back to his place. "How was camp? I got your letters— how many people did you kill?" You ask, holding one of his bags with a spare arm.

He laughs, beginning from the start of this year's adventure. You stare up at him attentively as he talks, taking in every detail. He's right, you've missed this face.

As the two of you walk away, you can't help but look back to the bus stop once more, wondering if the woman had been a figment of your imagination.

There, on the seat, lies a gold comb.

#ph☆ebe's scribbles #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson fic #one shot #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson #fanfic #fanfiction

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watercolor-hearts · 2 years

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Racing Heart and Collapsing Lungs

“‘I didn’t want it to end like this,’ sighed Daniel, poking his hand so he didn’t have to look at Michael. All he wanted was just to disappear, so then people wouldn’t have to see him like this, useless, broken.”

So it seems like this will be my first ever English one shot. Big thing for me. I hope I can finish it tomorrow and then post it later when I'm done with all the editing. 🤞 I'm really excited about it, because writing it makes me so happy. ❤

[It will contain panic attack, hurt comfort with a lot of comfort, crying and a sad and broken Daniel with his emotional support performance coah. Also a long hug which will become some sort of cuddling, and there will be a bit of hand holding too so Daniel won't feel alone. Yeah, it's all about him and the panic attack that happens after his last F1 race. Also the realtionship between them can be platonic or romantic, it's up to you.]

#so I'm writing this story in an exercise book because it adds to the comfort #and today I finished typing it to a word document #and I was amazed how fucking limited my English vocabulary #in my head this story is so good and sweet #but I realized it's because my brain puts some Hungarian words to it when I think about it #so with the Hungarian expressions and my imagination it's a good something but when I actually read the document I feel like it's trash #like guys Grammarly says it has like 66 mistakes in it above those that I could correct #because correction for that 66 one are only shown if I payed for premium #which I won't so yeah I will continue with those mistakes #because I'm fucking stupid and I'm afraid to ask for a beta because I've had some bad experiences #I don't want writing to become something that I don't like because there's someone I ask to point out my mistakes and it causes me panic #because writing is what gives me comfort #and I don't want to think about it as something that I do so fucking bad I need someone to correct all of the stupidity in it #but I also want to write good #which is difficult because it's not my first language #and the tenses fuck me up #I've never really understood them #and now I see how bad I am 😂#I guess there are atleast two tense related mistakes in this quote #and I fucked up some words in the tags too as usual #like I want to do it well #and not good #but I don't think before I hit send...#yeah that's me #anyway #racing heart and collapsing lungs #daniel ricciardo #michael italiano #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1

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quartergremlin · 7 months

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Yall got a little too much faith in leo. this guy is clueless.

first/previous/next

transcript:

Yuichi:

No. Absolutely not.

Leo:

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Don’t you like me? Aren’t I your best friend?

Yes, unfortunately. But you really should go home.

Leonardo, why are you here right now?

Isn’t it enough that you get to see my handsome face? You gotta know why too?

It’s kind of hard when you’re shoving your face into my comforter.

And here’s your chance to make me feel like an asshole for kicking you out.

S’never stopped you before.

…

I guess I’m like… a girl or whatever.

Oh. Um. Okay? Congratulations? Did you have another name picked out oooor...

No! Not like that! Its-

I've been a girl this whole time. Apparently, dad just guessed – and everyone else knew! And just didn’t tell me!

And-I know. I know it doesn’t matter – I'm being stupid.

I mean- that doesn’t sound stupid. Id be upset too.

And I don’t want to tell you… what you’re thinking or feeling. But this seems like some pretty intense dysphoria. So maybe your dad got it right?

And your nesting is obviously not helping, honestly-

My what.

What do you mean “your what”?

Leo:

reeks of lemon-scented cleaner

Yuichu's hoodie

Donnie's board shorts

Raph's bear

made a nest in his bed

Meme:

Yuichi: this is your hormone level. It's pretty normal for someone turtle-PMSimg. You'll be fine in a week.

Extra 1:

Yuichi: as a lizard owner, clocked Leo's nesting immediately.

Leo: Didn't read Donnie's book, so still clueless.

Extra 2:

Yuichi enters to sitcom clapping and cheering.

#quarterdraws #clarification comic #yuichi usagi #rise leo #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #comic #fun fact i /almost/ did this scene with april #she'll get her turn later #also if it wasnt clear this is pre-ship

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santacoppelia · 8 months

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Putting the Meta in "Metatron"

(couldn't resist the pun, sorry)

Ok, this has been tickling my brain for a while. I've been thinking about how The Metatron designed his role and discourse specifically to manipulate Aziraphale into the end result we saw in the last minutes of S2. I become obsessed with it because… well, I'm a bit obsessive, but also because there were many really smart writing decisions that I loved (even when I despise The Metatron exactly for the same reasons. Hate the character, love the writer). If you haven't watched Good Omens Season 2, this is the moment to stop reading. Come back later!

We already know that in Book Omens, the role of Gabriel in the ending was occupied by The Metatron. Of course, the series introduced us to Gabriel and we won a lot by that, but I feel that the origins of The Metatron should be considered for any of this. He is not a "sweet old man": he was the one in charge of seeing over the operation of Armageddon; not just a stickler of rules, but the main promoter for it.

However, when he appears in the series finale, we first are primed to almost pass him by. He is in the line for buying coffee, using clothes that are:

obviously not tailored (almost ill fitted)

in dark tones

looking worn and wrinkled

This seems so important to me! All the angels we have seen are so proud of their aspect, wear clear (white or off white) clothes, pressed, impeccable (even Muriel), even when they visit the Earth (which we have already seen on S1 with all the visits to the bookshop). The Metatron chose a worn, comfortable attire, instead. This is a humanized look, something that fools all the angels but which would warm up someone very specific, can you guess?

After making quite a complicated coffee order (with sort of an affable and nervous energy), he makes a question that Crowley had already primed for us when asking Nina about the name of the coffee: having a "predictable" alternative and an unpredictable one.

This creates an interesting parallel with the next scene: Michael is discussing the possibility of erasing Aziraphale from The Book of Life (a punishment even worse than Holy Water on demons, because not having existed at all, EVER is definitely worse than having existed and ceased to exist at some point) when The Metatron arrives, interrupts the moment and signals having brought coffee. Yup, an amicable gesture, but also a "not death" offering that he shows clearly to everyone (even when Michael or Uriel do not understand or care for it. It wasn't meant for them). He even dismisses what Michael was saying as "utter balderdash" and a "complete piffle", which are the kind of outdated terms we have heard Aziraphale use commonly. So, The Metatron has put up this show for a specific audience of one.

The next moment on the script has Metatron asking Crowley for the clarification of his identity. Up to this moment, every angel has been ignoring the sprawled demon in the corner while discussing how to punish Aziraphale… But The Metatron defers to the most unlikely person in the room, and the only one who will push any buttons on Aziraphale: Crowley. After that, Aziraphale can recognize him, and Metatron dismisses the "bad angels" (using Aziraphale's S1 epithet) with another "catchy old phrase", "spit spot", while keeping Muriel at the back and implying that there is a possibility to "check after" if those "bad angels" have done anything wrong.

Up to this moment, he has played it perfectly. The only moment when he loses it is when he calls Muriel "the dim one", which she ignores… probably because that's the usual way they get talked to in Heaven. I'm not sure if Aziraphale or Crowley cared for that small interaction, but it is there for us (the audience) to notice it: the sympathy the character might elicit is built and sought, but he is not that nice.

After that, comes "the chinwag" and the offer of the coffee: the unnecessarily complicated order. It is not Aziraphale's cup of tea (literally), but it is so specific that it creates some semblance of being thought with care, and has a "hefty jigger" of syrup (again with the funny old words). And, as Aziraphale recognizes, it is "very nice!" (as The Metatron "jolly hoped so"), and The Metatron approves of him drinking it by admitting he has "ingested things in my time, you know?". This interaction is absolutely designed to build a bridge of understanding. The Metatron probably knew that the first response he would get was a "no", so he tailored his connection specifically to "mirror" Aziraphale: love of tasty human treats he has also consumed, funny old words like the ones he loves, a very human, worn, well-loved look. That was the bait for "the stroll": the moment when Aziraphale and Crowley get separated, because The Metatron knew that being close to Crowley, Aziraphale would have an hypervigilant soundboard to check the sense of what he was going to get offered. That's what the nasty look The Metatron gives to Crowley while leaving the bookshop builds (and it gets pinpointed by the music, if you were about to miss it).

The next thing we listen from The Metatron is "You don't have to answer immediately, take all the time you need" in such a friendly manner… we can see Aziraphale doubting a little, and then comes the suggestion: "go and tell your friend the good news!". This sounds like encouragement, but is "the reel". He already knows how Crowley would react, and is expecting it (we can infer it by his final reaction after going back for Aziraphale after the break up, but let's not get ahead of ourselves shall we?). He even can work up Muriel to take care of the bookshop while waiting for the catch.

What did he planted in Aziraphale's mind? Well, let's listen to the story he has to tell:

"I don't think he's as bad a fellow… I might have misjudged him!" — not strange in Aziraphale to have such a generous spirit while judging people. He's in a… partnership? relationship? somethingship? with a demon! So maybe first impressions aren't that reliable anyway. The Metatron made an excellent job with this, too.

"Michael was not the obvious candidate, it was me!" — This idea is interesting. Michael has been the stickler, the rule follower, even the snitch. They have been rewarded and recognized by that. Putting Aziraphale before Michael in the line of succession is a way of recognizing not only him, but his system of values, which has always been at odds with the main archangels (even when it was never an open fight).

"Leader, honest, don't tell people what they want to hear" — All these are generic compliments. The Metatron hasn't been that aware of Aziraphale, but are in line with what would have been said of any "rebel leader". They come into context with the next phrase.

"That's why Gabriel came to you, I imagine…" — I'm pretty sure The Metatron didn't imagine this, ha. He is probably imagining that the "institutional problem" is coalescing behind his back, and trying to keep friends close, but enemies closer… while dividing and conquering. If Gabriel rebelled, and then went searching for Aziraphale (and Crowley, they are and item and he knows it), that might mean a true risk for his status quo and future plans.

Heaven has great plans and important projects for you — this is to sweeten the pot: the hefty jigger of almond syrup. You will be able to make changes! You can make a difference from the inside! Working for an old man who feels strangely familiar! And who recognizes your point of view! That sounds like the best job offer of the world, really.

Those, however, are not the main messages (they are still building good will with Aziraphale); they are thought out to build the last, and more important one:

Heaven is well aware of your "de facto partnership" with Crowley…

It would be considered irregular if you wanted to work with him again…

You, and you alone, can bring him to Heaven and restore his full angelic status, so you could keep working together (in very important projects).

Here is the catch. He brought the coffee so he could "offer him coffee", but the implications are quite clear: if you want to continue having a partnership with Crowley, you two must come to Heaven. Anything else would be considered irregular, put them in a worst risk, and maybe, just maybe, make them "institutional enemies". Heaven is more efficient chasing enemies, and they have The Book of Life as a menace.

We already know how scared Aziraphale has always been about upsetting Heaven, but he has learned to "disconnect" from it through the usual "they don't notice". The Metatron came to tell him "I did notice, and it has come back to bite you". The implied counterpart to the offer is "you can always get death". Or even worse, nonexistence (we have already imagined the angst of having one of them condemned to that fate, haven't we?)

When The Metatron arrives, just after seeing Crowley leave the bookshop, distraught, he casually asks "How did he take it?", but he already knows. That was his plan all along: making them break up with an offer Aziraphale could not refuse, but Crowley could not accept. That's why he even takes the license to slightly badmouth Crowley: "Always did want to go his own way, always asking damn fool questions, too". He also arrive with the solution to the only objection Aziraphale would have: Muriel, the happy innocent angel that he received with so much warmth and kindness, is given the opportunity to stay on Earth, taking care of the bookshop. The only thing he would have liked to take with him is not a thing, and has become impossible.

If God is playing poker in a dark room and always smiling, The Metatron is playing chess, and he is quite good at it (that's why he loves everything to be predictable). He is menacing our pieces, and broke our hearts in the process… But I'm pretty sure he is underestimating his opponents. His awful remark of Muriel being "dim"; saying that Crowley "asks damn fool questions", and even believing that Aziraphale is just a softie that can be played like a pipe… That's why telling him the project is "The Second Coming" was an absolute gift for us as an audience, and it prefigures the downfall that is coming — the one Aziraphale, now with nothing to lose, started cooking in his head during that elevator ride (those couple of minutes that Michael Sheen gifted to all of us: the shock, the pain, the fury, and that grin in the end, with the eyes in a completely different emotion). Remember that Aziraphale is intelligent, but also fierce. Guildernstern commited a similar mistake in Hamlet, and it didn't go well:

"Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me, you would seem to know my stops, you would pluck out the heart of my mystery, you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass, and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me."

I'm so excited to learn how this is going to unfold!! Because our heroes have always been very enthusiastic at creating plans together, failed miserably at executing them, and even then succeeding… But now they are apart, more frustrated and the stakes are even higher. Excellent scenario for a third act!

*exits, pursued by a bear*

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #narrative analysis #character analysis #the metatron #and a casual Hamlet quote #just because I love Hamlet

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