#the thing is sometimes i think im just exaggerating everything in my head like. what's the worst that can happen right | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kimmkitsuragi · 9 months

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not to be like waah waaaah im so upset about my life while i have a nice and good life in general compared to so many people here but. i still feel like the art piece "here's the life i've always longed for". i keep thinking about my father almost crying talking to me on the phone at the election night. he kept saying he doesnt want me to feel like this country's fate is my only choice, and my life will not be ruined by these terrible people. but it feels like that sometimes. a lot of times actually. and i mean im trying to do things to change it really. but also im not trying hard enough. i get mad at myself for that. then i am mad that i live in a reality where i have to try so fucking just to have a chance of living in a decent reality. and what if i cant do it... i have to try harder i really have to apply myself i dont want to be a disappointment and a regret for my future self. i hope she is in a safe and beautiful place, not here. anywhere but here. please.

#yeah i cried while typing this keep scrolling #the thing is sometimes i think im just exaggerating everything in my head like. what's the worst that can happen right #but the truth is #I'm really really scared for this country's future. i dont know how bad it can be but it is already not good and still going worse #so. i dont think we are reaching when we panic about our future everyday #I know this is because I'm likely severely mentally ill but i cant live with this some days #the normal thing is obviously just. continuing to live #but the fact is that all this shit we've been going thru in the last year (before too. but especially 2023)#have pushed me to the point i was having panic attacks everyday lmao so like. yeah i guess it is fair that i want to gtfo of here #so compared to how ive been im really better #but still i dont apply myself the way i should. and it feels so bad because so many ppl worse off than me are pushing for their survival #everyday while im like waaaah wah i cant focus oh how will i get out of this country oh poor me wah :( lmao #girllll just work on it just do the things u must do. okay this whole post got way out of focus im just #writing my messed up steam of consciousness at this point idk #but. i cant help but say it's hard it's so hard to live everyday for me it's so hard to breathe sometimes #and i know that's a *me* problem. if i was not like this i could do so much #I should be doing so much #to get the life i want for myself. but it's so hard. i hope i wont die unhappy and full of regret #neg #🗒#okay i dont even remember what i wrote here exactly but it's probably the saddest post I've done in a long time #dont know if anyone actually reads it it's so embarrassing when i think abt it 👍 i dont even know where this came from #it's not even a Bad day

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leavingsunsets · 21 days

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Helllloo!!

I would like to request a senkuu x reader if possible! (Preferably some angst + romance but anything works!) Been looking for some inspiration and I love your work!

Also hopefully you're okay if I draw some of your work too

Thank youuuu!! (>u<)/

im okay with you drawing my work! saw some of ur art, and wow! glad ur a fan tehee :33 i see you've given me an angst plot, with romance? yes i will definitely fulfill this. i waaaassss ssupposed to make this action filled with scene wit reader dying in battle of treasure island arc and senku going "WHAT" and head in hands and sobbing and the gang has to go back to the mainland hat on stomach like ":(" but exams and research defense finished and i also jus watched cute little vid of an old couple so this is jussttt hmmm a softer angst set between events ig

"ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴍʏ ᴡᴀʏ."

[ꜱᴇɴᴋᴜ x ɢɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

It wasn't really a secret. You didn't even try, honestly.

Since the first of times of where you'd glimpsed his face at school, to the latest catch of him swirling fluid in a beaker, you've always been confident in your feelings.

Albeit a bit clumsy in your attempts, you were honest, never mincing them, never embarrassed.

"Senku, I really really like you!"

"Yeah, okay, could you pass me that screwdriver?" he says, both of you 6 years old in his room, as he gestures to the tool beside you.

"Senku, I want to date you. I heard Aimi had a boyfriend recently and I was thinking-" your voice goes interrupted as the loud sound of Senku's machinery overpower yours. 13 years old, another one of his favorite past times.

"Senku, if we were both nobles in medieval fantasy and I had to marry someone in order to get a persistent suitor off my back, I'd go to you. Offer a contract with an eventual divorce, but then we fall in love in a slow burn romance and start rethinking about our agreement."

"Can you- just- HELP ME, DAMN IT." Senku heaves, 16 years old, face turning red as he struggles to hold the boxes of equipment you came to help him with.

All these confessions, all these words, even before everything changed. The clatter of a can hitting the ground.

...

In this new life, surely, you know, Senku's had an absolute goal for this world. To rebuilt it as it was, from his own two hands. In your own way, you've had to learn how to pace your feelings.

Instead of words, as you always did, you decided to translate your affections into a language that matters most in a time like this.

Actions.

For every problem, every step he takes, you take with him. Express your thoughts, concerns, ideas. Any progress, you're there to celebrate with, any process, you're there to assist.

Declarations of love aren't so frequent, though you do like to sneak it in rarely. Announcing it in bursts of passion at the top of your lungs. Quite an antic you do, much to his embarrassment. It's become a well known fact, and often a joke between company.

Though, sometimes you wonder if it's what makes him doubt it. Your overt confessions, cheesy poems and bustling energy that could rival Taiju's. Was it too clumsy? Too obvious that he feels it's an exaggerated farce for show?

To this, you whisper gingerly in the dead of night, in the earliest of mornings,

"Senku. I really really like you."

In the times of uneventful hours, peacefulness in comfortable silence,

"Senku,"

You know, of course you do, of all people.

No one knows him more than you and that fact would've made you happy of such a thing if it couldn't break your heart more. The love of your life, saying everything said in a language that matters most in this time.

An unreadable glance. When the sun beams down brightly and you stare at him lovingly like he's hung the stars in the sky.

Winter strikes mercilessly, days are rough, tensions are high. When everything's all good and done, a bold pinkie inches towards his own. He doesn't pull away, but his hand moves back just as further.

Late at night, behind the tree he leans upon, watching, just watching. His ruby eyes enraptured by the night's celestial pearl.

Gaze too high, to see you.

You close your eyes.

You don't think you can ever stop loving him, despite that. That man doesn't like dragging things out, so you're sure a rejection is soon to come. Whether you approach first or not.

Why he doesn't do it sooner? You know why. As much as he doesn't reciprocate, you know how hesitant he is when it comes to close relationships such as you. Is he scared of breaking your friendship?

It's not the warmth you're looking for, but it's the warmth you can get. Even so, you would never expect him to return just as much as you've given. You love him for him, and not for anything else.

Tragic, how terribly you do.

Maybe one day, you'll learn to forget, to move your heart from where it isn't supposed to be. Maybe one day, you would stop gazing at him with something much more than fondness, waiting for his eyes to find its way back to you.

But until then,

"-I love you."

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m00nie-m00 · 10 months

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Oh Sh!t

modern au!Scaramouche x gn! reader

🌷 Sypnosis - you fall in love with your best friends worst enemy

Warnings: cursing, train creeps, adult jokes, murderous intentions, time jumps

💌 this gonna be a three part story! (Maybe more idk)

1 . 2 . 3

"He is so infuriating! I make ONE mistake and he reprimands me for it like hello?? It isn't a life threatening mistake either its like getting mad at someone for spelling a word wrong with a PENCIL" your best friend, Lumine ranted as you both prepared dinner.

"Calm down you might think your finger is a carrot and chop it" you chuckled as you prepared the stove.

"I'd like to think his fingers are carrots and chop it" she grumbled back.

You laughed at her comment and shook your head, "wow my sweetheart lumine what has gotten into you? This boy must be one pain in the ass if you of all people are out for his blood" you joked, looking back at her. She didn't seem as humorous as you at the moment.

"I know! He's just that bad! Me, im the most helpful girl in the world- and that's not exaggerating," she paused to proudly smirk. "but he oh my god the only thing im gonna help him with is burying himself 6 feet underground" she gritted her teeth, slamming the knife harder into the chopping board.

You nervously chuckled, moving towards Lumine and placing your hand on top of hers. Stopping the knife in place.

"Lumine I think i'll do the chopping"

"Okay, I'll start cooking then."

"No... i think you need to sit this one down, safety reasons"

-- <3 --

You boarded the train on the way home, unfortunately, your classes ended at the same time rush hour began. The train was packed with people, and you had to stand in the very middle of the crowd while holding on to the hanging strap.

You clutched your bag tightly to your side to avoid getting robbed, keeping a close eye on your belongings. Train rides were rarely enjoyable at this hour, and sometimes you'd wait for a less crowded train to come by so you wouldn't have to be so cautious of everything. Today though you had to get home as soon as possible, so you unfortunately didn't have a choice.

You felt a hand brush the side of your thigh, instantly freezing up you looked at the direction you felt it. There were a few people stood beside you so you couldn't pinpoint who the hand belonged to.

It could've been an accident, you thought, taking a deep breath to try and relax.

But then it happened again. This time the hand stayed by the side of your thigh a little longer. You weren't gonna take any chances so you quickly moved away, harshly bumping backs with someone as you did so.

"oh shit! i'm so sorry" you apologized, turning around to face the person you bumped into. He looked like a boy your age, wearing a stylish black outfit. He had bluish-purple hair that was styled in an interesting yet suiting haircut choice, and he had deep violet eyes that you would find beautiful if he wasn't glaring at you with them at that moment.

"there was a creep at my last spot i had to move away-" you rambled, fiddling with your fingers nervously. You furrowed your brows when he looked away from you and out the window he was stood beside.

ok well that's that I guess, you shrugged. Turning to face away when he said something that stopped you.

"hold on to the hanging strap the next stop is coming" he flatly stated, moving his hand to the side to provide space for yours.

"no it's okay-!" you said, knowing that if you held on to the strap your hands would brush. heh brushing hands with a hot guy your age doesn't sound that bad.

"I said hold on to it." he grabbed your wrist and raised your arm so your hand can grab the strap. As soon as you wrapped your fingers around it his hand let you go before instantly grabbing on to your shoulder as the train made an abrupt stop.

You yelped as your body jerked forward slightly, without his hand on your shoulder you would've crashed into him.

"you didn't give yourself time to prepare for the stop. how often do you ride a train?" he asked judgingly, pulling his hand away from your shoulder and shoving it into his pocket.

"look a lot has happened in this train in the spam of 3 minutes okay" You huffed, pressing your lips together as he laughed.

"too much for your little brain to handle?" he said, tilting his head to the side. What kind of comment was that?

You furrowed your brows, an unamused look on your face. "what's your name?" you asked. "why should i tell you?" he answered. "damn that's a stupid name" you replied sarcastically. "well, what's your name then?" he mockingly said. "better than yours" "that name is even stupider"

-- <3 --

"you met a cute guy on a train, had an actual interaction with him, physical touch too and you didn't give him your number, your actual name or like anything?!" Lumine exclaimed, shaking your shoulders aggressively as the two of you sat on your bed.

"well he didn't give me his actual name either!" you defended, "... which i guess isn't a good thing either UGH" you collapsed backwards, looking up at the ceiling. "There goes my chance in an epic collage love story"

Lumine grabbed your hands and pulled you up, you slouched limply and stared at her as she grinned. "your taking that train same time every time you go home"

"what?! but i hate rush hourrrr" you groaned, letting your back fall backwards only to be stopped by Lumine who pulled you back in place.

"okay but from what you shared it seems he's used to using the train sooo, who knows you might bump into him" she teased, giggling excitingly. Who knows what fictional love stories were brewing in her head.

You rolled your eyes, though the thought of it actually working lingered at the back of your mind. On the other hand you knew that if you wished for something to happen it never really does. So in that logic, you are never going to see him ever again.

"it's never gonna happen lumine I'm just gonna put myself in unnecessary danger" you mumbled, sighing defeatedly.

Lumine pouted before letting go of your hands and getting off your bed. "stop believing" she said as she exited your bedroom door.

your head jerked upward and your brows furrowed, like a deer caught in headlights. "what?!" you shouted at her, hoping she'd hear.

"STOP BELIEVING"

-- <3 --

You couldn't stop believing.

For the past week you've been riding the train home at that horrendous time just to try and bump into the boy again. you would look around and delusionally think some random guy with the same figure as him is him, like an idiot.

You got off the train but instead of taking the rout home you stopped by a cat cafe that newly opened. you liked cats, cats make you feel better. Drinking a nice warm drink while petting a cat sounds nice.

You entered the cafe and was greeted with a warm but colorful atmosphere and lots and lots of cat, or paw shaped decorations.

You order yourself a drink and a slice of blueberry cheesecake, sitting down on one of the tables closest to where all the cats were.

a black cat approached you meowing as she brushed herself against your leg. "hi there lovely" you smiled, bending down to pet the cat. The cat nuzzled into your touch and your smile grew even wider. Cats made your insides feel fuzzy.

You picked up the cat and placed it on your lap, stroking its fur as your other hand took a look at the tag on her collar. "it's nice to meet you berry" you cooed, scratching the back of her ear.

After a few minutes of petting berry and a few more cats while also trying to eat some cake the bell by the door chimed and you looked up to see who had entered.

beautiful deep violet eyes.

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babyfairy · 4 months

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i feel like i need to find a therapist again. i’m getting so frustrated with how often i come off wrong and i feel like i have so many issues with communication that i genuinely don’t know how to address because i don’t feel secure communicating no matter who i’m talking to. i’m always second guessing or overthinking it. and i know that has a lot to do with my OCD and anxiety but i feel like it’s done so much damage to my interpersonal relationships and other peoples’ perception of me and knowing that is so embarrassing for me it makes me want to just stop talking completely. but even when i do that it upsets others and comes off wrong. i wish i could wipe everyone’s memories of me sometimes and just start over. like it’s gotten to a point where i’m scared to deepen my relationship with my more casual friends because i’ll just end up upsetting or disappointing them somehow. like i feel like i need to be coached through things that everyone around me is able to handle and i hate that.

mental health resources here are so lacking though and after my last experience with a therapist + trying to find resources for family members in crisis i feel so drained and frustrated with everything i just don’t want to bother. on top of looking for another job and worrying about my family and not being able to enjoy my hobbies anymore and never being able to sleep well i feel like i’m at my fucking wits end dude like i don’t understand why regardless of how hard i try or what i do nothing seems to get any better. and all anyone has to say about it is they’re sorry. no one knows what to say. and like of course not because who would have all the answers but sometimes i just want to fucking tear my head off because i don’t think anyone realizes how fucking badly i just don’t want to be here and it takes constant effort for me to not think about anything but being dead rofl like i think maybe some people think im exaggerating or joking or trying to make people feel sorry for me but i genuinely loathe being alive like actually fucking hate it and think im not supposed to be here. and everything is a reminder that im not good enough at something or not where i need to be. im tired of always whining lmao i know it’s annoying like i can feel that people around me are fatigued with me being like this but i don’t know what else to do anymore like i don’t know how much more im expected to take? i don’t have anything going for me and there’s nothing to look forward to. anyway if you read this thanks for caring and again im sorry this blog has turned into me just nonstop complaining but it’s just like. Lol. i don’t know how anybody does it. i don’t see the beauty in life anymore. im just tired. i feel empty 90% of the time and i cry almost every day. i just wish it would stop. i don’t understand what i possibly could’ve done to deserve this level of unhappiness but i genuinely believe god fucking hates me and is punishing me because i’ve done something wrong in this life or maybe a past one. i miss my grandpa and i wish i could disappear

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thehopelessexception · 2 months

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save me lord(e) please save me

i struggle with the concept of religion because i've never quite understood the belief on an omnipresent something watching over you and giving you a path or whatever that's supposed to mean.

i went to church probably 15 times in my life when i was younger and i was bored all the time. i took the first communion when i was 10 because my parents made me do it. (i just wanted to taste wine and receive money from my family tho) but i remember that by that time i already rejected the concept of it. maybe because i was deppressed from the very age of 8 years old and i wanted to kms since then (im over it rn fyi), so the whole god thing it wasnt much enough to make me have faith in anything because i already thought i suffered more than jesus.

i've never been much close to my family, im a single child too. not to blame them really, but my parents did the bare minimum so i had to create my own moral codes from way too young. i teached myself, and educated myself on everything i know of since i was a kid. i took the responsibility of being the emotional support of adults as a child because they didnt know how to be parents nor communicate their feelings with each other (or me, for that matter). i hided my own. and when i was on my breaking point i took care of myself at 13/14 i think? and made myself go to therapy because i knew if i didn't i wouldnt be here today —i had to convince my mom, changing the reason i needed to go and i made her lie to my dad because he "doesnt believe in that" and so on—. my parents were clueless all the time 'till i grew up and told them my story on a crisis i had in the pandemic. they are still not the best parents you can find but i moved on from being resentful and made somehow peace.

i remember i was quite interested in the whole lucifer arc and the apocalypse stuff. when my catechist was explaining the 7(i think?) days of creation or etc i was reading the very end, fascinated as a kid reading the hunger games. probably my father's fault since he loved to watch the conspiracy shows in history channel about nostradamus and so on in the living room's tv. and also maybe because i loved chaos and i never fitted in anywhere so naturally i didnt even try.

i hyperfixated on greek gods if that helps.

at 13 i met the 1975, my favourite band (if it wasnt obvious at this point). and the first songs i listened to were girls, me, and antichrist. and i know it's very likely that you think im exaggerating but antichrist is doubtless the purest most real song i heard in my life. and i think about it a lot. the whole journey the band, and matty especially, made about religion made me think a lot through the years. i agree with him tho, but i made that entire journey when i was 9, as they said men do drugs once and discover the same things girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms at 13 years old. and today religion is a thing so foreign, and distant to me; sometimes i wonder if im missing something by not being part of that feeling.

i can't wrap my head around it, i cannot process faith because i don't find it logical. however when im lost i sometimes find myself asking for signs to "the universe", so it's complicated. i also think it's better for people that feel lost to find a communion of some kind than ending up being addicts or worse, liberals. and i also think some religions are waiting for people to have misery to sign them up on their cult.

what is religion really? what is god? is there one? or two? or millions? but what about science? the big bang? evolution? capitalism? media? how can all of that make some kind of sense altogether? i said already i am skeptical over probably everything, but the truth is that science is also a common agreement of stuff and "hard" evidence, but we don't have the certainty that things work like that in the whole universe, so technically it's not an absolute truth, it's just what works. but what is the whole universe? i trust science over anything ofc that's not what im trying to say, the thing is i lose my mind every now and then when i dig that up. because you end up thinking you are so tiny and irrelevant to the whole universe, the whole thing we live into. are we even alive at this point? is this reality real? and i know it's stupid deep thought thinking you have when you are a kid but i wrote something about this years ago in my diary and im going to quote it:

(i wrote it in my native language so the translation may suck a bit)

"(...) the human being is perfect, nature is perfect. the society is a mess but synchronously is perfectly designed to still work. what's the goal of humanity? some people believe in god, not me tho. i sometimes think people are simplistic and conformist with the unknown. weak deniers of the search of the truth. the systematization almost automatic that is used on people as individuals of each culture, each society; with the vague idea of making them believe on free will, and the freedom of choice. when there's something existing over us that influences us, dominates us, and drives us like cattle. but what is this really? (...) the different "types of control" influence all of us so we achieve an end to society. nobody question said unknown end, because they believe, they have faith; on themselves and their meritocracy, the destiny god prepared for them. to the reach of a post-civilization with all the answers, from the firm and fair science that at the same time is clinging to nothing, to the not knowing blindness. the problem with humanity is believing but not fighting for the answers. the problem with humanity is trusting in "what exists and what doesnt exist" as a concept; when you can find somehow the solution on untrusting and not believing on absolute truths, because all of those are influenced by human subjectivity. civilizations are built with absolute truths, "civilization or barbarism". the barbarism never was that much stupidified. do we live in a simulated civilization? i dont know, all i know is that i know nothing."

lately i've been thinking about religion as a support group for people, but the institution makes me yikes. i've been thinking a lot about lots of things.

and i find myself in the context where everything i know of is taking another meaning now. maybe religion is what conveys the society altogether, maybe it's something else. i don't know. the world was always at war because of religion, and the preponderance of one over another. noone can convince me that religion has nothing to do with the world war we're living rn.

i consider music as a support group, i have my own friends and we like the same things (i dont like people who i dont think somehow alike). and i like my music as a representation of my personality too. i believe one is what one consumes. i grew up here, on tumblr, and i know what i write now will probably resonate with you too.

what i know most of is possibly reading patterns on people. and what i am wondering right now is if we, as a whole, and our generation specifically, walked away too much from the "love your neighbor" premise. i may not believe in religion, but i believe in collectivism as a way to live, as a gear that sets society in motion. and me, personally, i am a hater of everything and everyone. but i can deal with it, i dont think society will. we can't make the bad people disappear, and we can't kill them all (sadly). so lately i tend to believe i have the knowledge and the wisdom to be the adult and choose to make peace with the evil, to stop fighting for making people change, and go build community, the safe space, the home, with the people who are predisposed to listen. because individualism will kill us all. and we cannot save ourselves alone.

lorde said explicitly "if you're looking for a saviour well thats not me". but here we are.

happy easter to those who celebrate.

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stregoniconiconii · 1 year

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steve for the the character ask <3

1: sexuality headcanon: I received a message from god in 2016 when Steve appeared on my screen. the message was that he was bisexual. and I never doubt god's good word ! anyway I dont think Steve is particularly angsty about being bisexual? like I think he was always somewhat aware of his attraction to both but knew stepping outside of the box would be dangerous . tbhh I think he prefers women most of the time and it takes a minute for him to upgrade from hooking up with men to dating men. most of all he's kind of a slut <3 matching with robin he is also a bit gender weird ! mostly cool with being a hot guy but on some level she is also a hot girl. sometimes that level is sometimes a girl, sometimes it's always a girl . depends on what im feeling <3

2: otp: I do enjoy a good steddie thank u Eddie for being a canon male character that I can actually see Steve with <3 there's also this one omc...Henry Sinclair you will always be famous. sometimes I forget that ur not canon...in my head one of his more long term girlfriends/maybe wife?? in adulthood is this really cool and hot paramedic called Lucille <3 she was his boss lol

3: brotp: now I wonder....it's robin it's always robin . platonically married he'd carry her kids if he had the equipment for it and they are everything to each other ! also I desperately want stobickie to be a fun little trio in s5 pls happen <3 ofc there are many platonic relationships for Steve that I love, his brotherly relationship with dustin and max is so <3 and he's a lil mentor to Lucas and bullied by erica <3 in my heart he is also part of the Byers-Hopper clan, particularly a fatherly relationship with hopper. I WISH stoncy actually developed a strong friendship but maybe there's still a chance in s5. also. I will forever be intrigued by his friendship with Tommy and carol I know they got up to some insane shit

4: notp: harringrove mostly I just think Steve finds racism extremely unattractive . I'd say stancy but the truth is I kinda like them in a fail marriage way. nobody gets them tho

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: mommy issues Steve my beloved <3 I think steve's relationship with his mother ended up informing so many of his future relationships. specifically I see a sort of emotional incest between them where Steve ended up kind of playing the role of husband to his mom since his dad was away being a bad husband. obviously not a good situation for a kid to be in with their parent bc it robs them of being a kid. but basically this put Steve in a position of providing even to the point of hurting himself, which ended up opening him up to being vulnerable to codependent relationships. I think elements of codependency follow Steve in a lot of his relationships, especially can see it with his friendship to Tommy and carol, a little bit with Nancy, and also a bit with robin too (I tend to exaggerate it with robin bc I think its fun lol)

6: favorite line from this character: aaaah one of my favourite Steve moments is s2 Steve with the kids at the junkyard I love him <3 also he's so funny I can't just pick one line

7: one way in which I relate to this character: I also miss a lot of stuff when ppl are speaking auditory processing disorder my beloved <3

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: nothing he's perfect and he's earnest and he's full of love

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: problematic fave in the sense that he's done some problematic things but cinnamon roll because actually he's done nothing wrong ever

#Steve harrington

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dwarfsized · 2 months

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tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

9!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

63,696

3) What fandoms do you write for?

it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)

3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)

4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)

5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

5) Do you respond to comments?

yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.

also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?

I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.

can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)

i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!

#tag game #leetlewrites #thank youuuuuu for thinking of me alex this was fun!!

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grippingbeskar · 1 year

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goodbye 2022– a love letter

okay, so i am not one for long, sappy posts. in fact i think i can count on one hand the amount of times i’ve written about personal stuff on this blog, because i wanted it to be a space for me to just escape life and write for the first time.

i just wanted to make this post to say thank-you. i think i have written that word out about 1,000 times since making this account, but it will truely never be enough to express how greatful i am to have this space, and that all of you have been so fucking welcoming and kind to me.

when i started this account nine months ago, i genuinely had no idea what it would turn into. i’d been reading fanfic for most of my life, and the last few years i’ve been obsessed with the punisher and the mandalorian (not much has changed). i’ve always been the type of person to make stories in my head, especially with how much i read, it’s almost like i can’t help it. i also have taken a very big interest in writing recently, so i thought why not have a bit of fun with it and write a few chapters of a story and see where it goes.

my first official post on this account was the first chapter of the element of surprise series, and i remember getting my first few notes, and even a comment, and i nearly jumped out of my skin. every single one since then has been so special, and i still get all giddy and excited when i see someone interacting with my stories. after that i posted my first frank castle story, looking to tomorrow. i was so insecure about it, but at that point i think i had literally 0 followers, so i had NOTHING to lose.

after a few more chapters and frank one shots i started to get a little more inspired, and that is all thanks to the lovely people who cared enough to encourage me. i would have 100% stopped writing if you all hadn’t been so welcoming and amazing, and my life trajectory has seriously changed for the better. not even exaggerating.

now i’m here nine months later. i’ve finished my first series and nearly completed my second, both of which are over 85,000 words in length, which is fucking WILD. i have also written 30ish (im counting my drafts in this lmao) stand alone fics, and did my first ever celebration, writing out a bunch of requests (which i still actually have three or four in my drafts. trust me they are coming i’m just slow pls).

i am just so so greatful to have this space where i have so many encouraging, kind people that share the same interests, and find genuine enjoyment in the shit that i write. i’ll never be able to type out in words how much it means. every time someone reads my fics, i just want them to know how much it means to me. even if you don’t interact (i’d love to reply personally if you do!) i just love that people are reading my writing. so thank you. THANK YOU.

now. i have a few ppl i wanna mention who have made this experience all the more incredible.

@everybirdfellsilent for being my first tumblr friend and my longest. you are so, so incredible, and i genuinely don’t know where i would be if i hadn’t found you on here. thank you for your constant support, editing help, beta reading, screaming about sexy fan art, obi-wan thirsting and everything in between. i appreciate you more than you know and i love u for it.

@buckymcbuckbarnes BITCH you know i love you. do i even have to SAY!!!! thank you for everything— you are such a special person to me, and i literally can’t tell u how glad i am to have found you. watch out 2023 bc we have big things COMING. and they will be cumming if you know what i mean. thank you for your incredible playlists and every single fic and tik tok you send me. i love every single one. i love you. we say it all the time and i mean it.

@tea-and-wine for all our chats, even though sometimes they are few and far between, i always appreciate your messages and kind words. i hope you make 2023 your bitch!!

@marvelswh0re for your thirsty frank and matt thoughts and all your kind words. i still think about that convo we had about how frank is receiving a bj. it’s just always in my mind. i need him to **** ** ***. sorry got off track. THANKYOU!!!

@lemon-world1 for being SO lovely, and for all the amazing words you’ve left on my frank series and everything in between. it means so so much to me. i can’t explain it. also congrats for sharing your frank fic, it was incredible and i can’t wait to see what else you have in store!

@castlesnchurches i will never be able to express how much i love reading your comments on my fics. probably one of my fave things ever. you motivate me so much just by being so lovely. thank you thank you. xx

@dinahmadanimybeloved for your amazing messages and supportive words, i hope 2023 is a good one for you xx

@hellskitchenswhore FOR GENERAL KINDNESS!!! thankyou so so much. it means the world ❤️

and to every single person who has interacted, liked or read a fic of mine/ followed along for the journey— and reading this right now!!! i’ll never be able to tell you how happy you have made me. thank you for making a pretty shitty year that much better ❤️

get ready for more fics, more series, and more SEX in 2023. YEHAW.

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tecchous-thicc-buttocks · 8 months

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tips for self confidence? 💓

random af ask but WOO!!! I LOVE ANONS

i've got one main philosophy when it comes to self confidence and that is that insecurity isn't real.

im a person. if I see another person, I would think something about them for like a few seconds then move on with my life. that's literally how I treat myself. "oh i'm ugly" cool thought that lasts 2 seconds. "i'm so damn gorgeous" lasts 5-10 seconds max. onto the next.

my advice is to redirect your doubts away from yourself as an entire person and instead see it as parts of you that you can always improve on. today, you may feel that you're not a worthy person because you got a bad grade on an exam or made mistakes at work, but try to isolate that single aspect away from "you" as a whole. if you wouldn't define yourself based on one good day, you shouldn't for a bad one.

remember that you are not one thing. you are not just your looks, and if you find yourself unattractive, you don't need to be intelligent or funny in order to compensate for this. you don't owe anyone anything, and you don't need to earn the right to exist.

that's in terms of self-love ofc. for the confidence part, it's practice tbh. approach people randomly and give them a compliment. don't overthink before you act, and just do it ™. it is never as deep as you think it is. ask yourself if you saw someone else doing this, what would you think? and when I say that it's practice, I mean try to do more and more little things until it becomes second nature.

I'll give a concrete example: I've been on crutches for the past 10 weeks and take public transportation for a few hours almost daily. when I get on, sometimes there aren't available seats, and I was never able to ask someone to get up and give me their seat. "what if they have a disability I can't see? I'm only on crutches it's just temporary, it's not my right to ask someone to stand up for me. I don't want to be rude" writing it out, I sound pretty stupid, but honestly it took someone else (who was also standing) asking a seated person to get up for me to make me realize I'm lacking confidence for absolutely no reason. If the roles were swapped and I was sitting and saw someone in crutches, I would be the one feeling embarrassed if they asked me to take my seat, not the other way around.

all of this to say that it's always worse in your head than it really is. write out your fear or say it out loud or just verbalize it in your mind and you'll realize how silly it is. I believe that self-confidence is exaggerated nowadays because everything is about the self and the way you're perceived by others, but it really isn't. yeah I'm not the most eloquent person out there. I tend to talk too much when I should really keep things to myself. so what? what's so wrong with that? I work on myself and hope to get better at it someday, but I know my worth. on a fundamental level, I know I'll never be satisfied with myself, but I never equate that with what I am or what I deserve, and that's the essential message of all of this. love isn't about cherishing something perfect and neither is self-love. now read that sentence again.

ty for your ask anon, and I hope whoever you're asking this q for, got even a crumb of what I said and it helped them a little. I'd tell you that you're gorgeous and slay and all that jazz but I think it's more pertinent to tell you that someone, somewhere in this world is creating an oc that looks and acts just like you, wanting to BE you. have a GREAT day and remember to commit tax fraud cutely while hydrating your veins.

#answering asks #STILL I was not expecting this kind of ask #tbh I love it tho if you'd asked me this last year I would've written a whole essay but now idk #taking a moment to step back from your life is great because it gives perspective as to WHY you're doing/thinking something #I did have that moment where everything in my life stopped and now I'm just happy to feel things strongly and live life #anyways anon drop in my dms or askbox again if you want more!! i'm happy to oblige teehee #sorry this took so long btw!!!

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pankomako · 2 years

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real quick hot take since im being forced to think about it rn: the theories of evolution/the big bang and biblical creation can coexist.

for the record, i am an agnostic. i don't subscribe to any particular religious belief, but im willing to cite biblical sources to support my arguments if i must. i was raised christian and still live in a christian home, my dad being an elder of the church my family attends, so i do know quite a bit of biblical stuff. anyway, allow me to elaborate on my point:

sometime last year i read an article mentioning that the big bang could have been the product of the ever-famous "God said 'Let there be light'". like consider this: explosions are generally very bright. what do you imagine when you hear "the big bang"? i personally see a big explosion of light in a dark void. what if that was God speaking light into existence? of course everything after that is up to interpretation. my dad loves to use the argument that explosions create chaos and not order. but i think it's possible that after the Big Bang of Light, God started to create everything else as the classic 7-day process was written. all the galaxies and what-have-you may not necessarily be a direct result of the explosion.

as for evolution, sure, maybe God did create every living creature. but does that really mean that evolution hasnt also happened? i dont see why evolution couldn't be a thing that was influenced by God's hand. last school year i had to do quite a bit of research relating to this topic, and its honestly so funny how obnoxiously... egotistical? christian scientists are about evidence thats seemingly against evolution. theyre really like "oh??? this funny little fossil you found turned out to NOT be a part of an evolutionary chain?? oh too bad for you!!! look at how WRONG you were!! ha!! they were WRONG!! that means we are RIGHT about EVERYTHING!! look at how RIGHT we are!!! get stuffed sssECHKularr scientists!!! LOL" like no seriously look at a few answers in genesis articles and youll see what i mean, although my portrayal was very much exaggerated. anyway, one argument ive heard is that there are no fossils of intermediate species. but for one thing, just because they havent found any doesnt mean they arent there. for another thing, just because theres no evidence doesnt mean it didnt happen. i guess creationists have a sort of "pics or it didnt happen" attitude about evolution. but theres still existing evidence for evolution too, like how whales have these tiny useless leg bones. why are they there if theyre not doing anything? most likely a byproduct of evolution. ive heard my dad use a similar argument recently about our appendix. "if it doesn't do anything, why hasn't it evolved out of us?" more recently ive heard that the appendix actually DOES have a use. so. that's why. people say that God is perfect, and i imagine they also think everything God makes is perfect too. but evolution doesn't mean that previous species in the evolutionary chain weren't perfect, it's simply just certain genetic traits becoming more common in a species over time, until it becomes an entirely new species much different from the previous one. a lot of societal changes occurred between the first and last books of the bible, yeah? those events were guided by God. i don't see why that can't coexist with evolution. (also consider domesticated dogs. with the variation in breeds its hard to believe theyre the same species. also consider pet dogs vs wolves. pet dogs are their own species, yeah? they descended from wild dogs/wolves that people tamed, right? aint that just manmade evolution?)

im by no means an expert on any of these topics at all, but i figured i may as well write my thoughts down while they're still in my head. that said, i dont really like to post about this stuff, but it's like that one link picture - it's my blog and i get to post whatever essays i feel like lol

#sorry this got long you dont have to read it #hoping the dash will cut it off anyway lol #deadass did not expect the evolution part to be as long as it did #but knowing there are much longer posts on this site i dont feel too bad about it lmao

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andiwriteordie · 1 year

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okay i'm finally reading i know better (but you're still around) and i also happened to be listening to this cavetown song on repeat

and it just reminded me so much of Mike in your fic ??

so the first part/chorus is Mike telling Dustin and Lucas about what he thought happened to Will and them basically thinking he's delusional and laughing in his face (Mike tends to exaggerate i get it)

and the “god i wish i was happy” is obviously wanting Will back bc without Will things have been... Not Good for Mike. he also mentions a few times that he feels incredibly bad and like the worst person in the world for giving up on Will (even though he didn't) and bc he stopped looking for him which i interpret as the “crushing me from above and underneath” line

from personal experience (and like the website says haha) i interpret this to be about “derealization and how a person can feel like they're not a part of their environment anymore” Mike often mentions how he feels he's watching things play out from outside his body and things like that

also in some cases grief can make meals hard (as we know), especially eating with people which, if i remember correctly, is why Mike mostly took his food up to his room and at times didn't eat at all. eating just feels like it takes up too much energy , energy you don't have so you just sink into your seat, stuff like that

nobody's listening to his theories about Will, also how he feels like he kinda ruined the party bc they're not as close as they used to be so no one to really listen to & understand his thoughts & everything about Will since they have an unspoken rule not to talk about it etc etc

okay the friend he's imagining is Will, like imagining Will is there or that Will can hear him when he speaks to him & stuff

okay these lines remind me of Mike so much. we all know he tends to explode when he's upset and say all kinds of stuff that he doesn't really mean and end up apologizing afterwards .

there were these scenes where he and Lucas were having a yelling match & this other one where he was yelling at Max & another he was yelling at Lucas and Dustin both pre and post saving Will from the Upside Down and he's saying lots of hurtful shit and yeah they get that he's grieving and hurting a Lot but also he kinda really hurt their feelings sooo

he apologizes (sometimes reluctantly, sometimes without actually saying the words “im sorry” but they're apologies nonetheless)

sertraline (y'know thr antidepressant that treats lots of anxiety/depressive related disorders) is a thing that i think Mike would need i mean obviously especially in this fic but the way his grief and pain is described ?

it's literally so fucking heart wrenching and excruciating for me the reader so i cannot even begin to imagine what Mike was feeling . so yeah sertraline's effective but the grief seems More than it and like even more effective which sucks.

um so yeah this is the lyrical analysis of this song you've maybe never heard of that you didn't ask for :D is this anything ? no idea i just wanted to share

oh okay

🥺🥺🥺

FIRST OF ALL. cavetown is very mike wheeler coded. like i can name 3 songs off the top of my head (home, idea of her, it's u) that are mike wheeler so. thanks? for adding ANOTHER ONE? to my list.

also yay!!! i hope you enjoy (well... that might not be the right word) the rest of the fic!!!

literally though this analysis is so good like holy shit, that's it. also like super honored that you resonated enough with the way i portrayed mike in that fic and connected it to this song!!! it's just like... this song is such a raw expression and explanation of grief and mental health issues, and you literally hit the nail on the head with the analysis and where i was trying to go with all of mike's thoughts throughout his journey in this fic!

where were you when i was writing the fic so i could've put this on my playlist (kidding but wow seriously wish i had found this earlier? i LOVE IT)

now this is me trying to find a way to include it in the sequel fic. thinking thoughts.

thanks for this ask, my friend!!!! ❤️🫂

#andi's asks #tw depression #tw grief

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pinkseas · 1 year

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'parasocial bestie' im on my knees cry laughing like a pathetic peasant at the feet of a king blessing me id put an indicator everytime i jump here but its not like my ask specifically with 748274 word paragraphs is easy to miss in your inbox anyway ANYWAY WORDS WOW YOUR WORDS;;,;...... i could just pick out every term and phrase your described like a scientist thinking wow so that's what it is THATS EXACTLY HOW IT GOES about this xiaolumi dynamic i get crazy on that intrudes my thouhgt processes 98% of the time

qpr xiaolumi gets me haywire my brain neurons tangling 24/7 i get them to a dynamic so far out of romance to a 'love' that is all about understanding and care that i dont even MIND they're friends until the end, that idt "xiaolumi" is the better word than just xiao and lumine. it just fits, so much about them rlly fits in entirety both history and present its not about protection its about Reaching Out, holding hands being a go-to physical closeness just for warmth and security they're right There; the shoulder bumps, their backs on each other this 'quiet love' the 'not vulnerable in one of them but vulnerable to each other' THEY'RE STRONG FOR OTHERS BUT WEAK TO THEMSELVES. 'they're able to share such a unique loneliness, the fact that in not being understood by anyone around them they're able to understand each other' BANGS MY HEAD ON THE TABLE FALLS OF MY CHAIR it's really just!! this description is still commonly used but it's such a different case with them that it hits HARD (or maybe i'm just biased idc nonetheless eyes xlmi only)

what i Think would differ between my xlmi and yours tho is that i characterize xiao a little differently so it's like another typa exploration of lumine understanding him (and vice versa) altogether; he's a little no brained a little emotionless to his own self worth it's hard to feel things personally, likely an effect of his traumatic past changing him to lose autonomy and gaining it back. his emotions are a little muted and subdued that contrasts lumine's overflow of it but they both do have good control of them in general, so that's pree much the only large barrier they have that makes it a tad harder for them to understand in general. a strong xiao is good, protective and vigilant, but ppl miss the super essential fact he canonly states he trusts the traveler to stand their ground. that's where you see lumine is just as strong, people of the same wavelength and strength it just clicks easily (a bit complicated in mine, but their closeness is just the same,...) a fav personal hc detail i go crazy on brainrotting sometimes is there's the touch of desperation they had on each other and you put that very well in your fics, and like i said not too exaggerated- nor extreme that its realistic and human, very in-line with canon even.

and boy just OH BOY to merely focus their development on the simple, little things just like you described and to me it's truly like walking out to a quiet expanse after a heavy rain where everything in nature has a somber serenity of dewdrops and petrichor. it's a sign that's how xiao and lumine unconsciously heal each other through that understanding, the clashes they'd face and the warmth that closes in a resolute embrace.

[breaks down completely i dont got more words but my brain is xlmi speeding]

"like a pathetic peasant at the feet of a king blessing me" as though you are not the one who crowned me in the first place.......... we stand on equal ground my friend (deep ground) (the trenches) (fighting for our fucking lives hand in hand)

xiao and lumine. you are SO FUCKING REAL FOR THIS xiaolumi is cute i will continue to use it out of laziness as one does but man. at their core at their hearts. xiao and lumine, lumine and xiao. it feels like the difference between two halves coming together to make a whole and two matching wholes. separate but together.

"its not about protection its about Reaching Out" YES YES YES YES ohhh my god you could not be more real for this. the holding hands the closeness the warmth the security the little reminders of hey, im here, its okay, we're okay. STRONG FOR OTHERS BUT WEAK TO THEMSELVES........ explodes into a million pieces. and ur right i feel like a lot of dynamics sort of share that concept but with xiaolumi its Different bc they are my most specialist little guys ever its just. ITS DIFFERETN !!!!!!!!!!! <- like trust me

also that is so fucking fascinating like idk different interpretations nbd but i feel like Part Of That is us interpreting the way he'd react/respond to that trauma differently? which i fucking LOVE, because there's no right response to something like that anything is possible its just a matter of taking a look at where he is in the present and building something behind it that could have played a part in making him who he is. and there's so much we see of him but so much we dont, too, that leaves SO much wiggle room for characterization and i just. gmnmfnmgnmmfn. and i LOVE that so much, the sort of push and pull with his being muted where lumines overflow, that's SUCH a good dynamic dear LORD. the little steps to reach out to and understand one another the things they could learn and teach one another ohhhhh my god.

"there's the touch of desperation they had on each other" no bc this is SO IMPORTANT TO ME if i didnt include this just a little bit i think i would have exploded. and it cant be too much but it cant be too little, either, so im SO glad that it felt realistic to you !!!!

walking outside after heavy rain... the Stillness the Peace the fresh air that follows. taking a deep breath and feeling alive. god. GOD. i have done this so many times i LOVE the rain and i LOVE going on walks after it and especially after like the semi-heavier storms we get here and i know the exact feeling you mean and i cannot stress enough how wonderful it is to me that youd describe it that way. god. AND "how xiao and lumine unconsciously heal each other through that understanding" THISSSSSSS makes me insane i am biting through phone books i am punching the wall they are everything to me. Everything.

#parasocial bestie tag #im going to lose my whole entire mind

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shadebloopnik · 2 months

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Angelic Alastor AU [Colored version heree]

"Some friends are personal Guardian Angels, don't you think?"

Only through centuries of practice did Alastor remain still, hands ever as graceful as it smoothened the picnic blanket under them.

"Whatever makes you say that, my dear?", he'd ask.

The curly haired woman hummed to herself, placing a finger on her chin in thought.

"Hmmmm, well it'd certainly explain what you are to me, don't you think? Why our very meeting came straight out of a novella! A poor damsel being saved from the maws of danger!"

Alastor chuckled at the other's dramatics, the woman having placed the back of her hand on her head, and flopping onto her back to the blanket below.

"I pulled you out of the way of a falling pot, not exactly fairytale material."

"Still!", the girl bounced back up, her curls threatening to slip out of her tie. "It counts Allie! And then you go on to accompany me and become my very best friend, imparting wisdom and guidance as I traverse this life. Guardian Angel I tell you!"

"Well, someone has to have proper common sense between the both of us.", Alastor would say. Madelaine had a good head on her shoulders, primarily a no-nonsense girl in the face of the cruel reality before her, but she was a idealist deep inside. A clever dreamer who always saw the good out of everything, even with hopeless things, like her so called mate. Alastor opted not to bring it up, remembering their numerous spats over her so called boyfriend and how he should "Give him a chance Allie! He's a sweetie just see!". Really, with how clever she was, she needed to have better taste in men, she's too good for that.

"Nevertheless Maddie, it warms my heart to know that i'm an angel in your eyes. Recognizing greatness as it is there's hope for you yet!", Alastor flashed her a teasing smile, a hand on his chest to exaggerated how touched he was.

"Hmmph! Certainly the most devilish one I've ever seen!", She giggles, and Alastor couldn't help but smile wider. Oh dear you have no idea how right you are.

"Devilish appetite perhaps, 'cause if you're not fast enough, I might just eat all these treats by myself." He positioned a hand on the basket, moving to grab at one of the beignets.

"Hey mister! I spent all morning on those honeybuns!!", she laughed, quickly swatting away his hands as she laid out their spread on the blanket. Allie always had a way of making her feel loose, free in a way that went beyond what was socially appropriate at the time. He didn't care for social proprieties, or gender roles, treating her as he would anyone. He acted above such frivolous things, as mysterious as he was charming. Eating pastries like this, enjoying the afternoon sun in a quiet spot at the edge of the woods, singing songs with her very best friend, there was nothing more she could ask for.

————————————

Sooooo, I can't just move past Alastor's canon mom and NOT include her in this AU- im weak okay- and I figured he'd need to have some human influence anyway for the whole radio thing.

Alastor ends up being pretty depressed and a shut-in in heaven when the two fell. Most didn't see him for weeks or months at a time. Sometime(not sure abt the timeline yet) he ends up frequenting Earth in secret a lot. He ends up meeting Madelaine, or Maddie for short.

He becomes her best friend, encouraging her free spirit, and enjoying her company, making him genuinely smile and laugh for the first time in centuries. He learns a lot on human things from her, picking up the love for radio from her as well. Its also because of her that he stuck around a lot in the human world around that time, meeting others like Mimzy as well.

Maddie thinks Allie(the name he chose to adopt), is a bit weird. He doesn't seem to fully grasp some social cues, and thinks himself above expected roles. He doesn't treat her any different despite her background and gender(in fact he never seemed to mention it at all???). He helps her with her hair, and dresses, and lets her go loose without ever mentioning how odd it was. She loves all his little quirks, even if she thinks it odd(like how he doesn't ever look any older)

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topconfessions · 7 months

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im kinda a newbie when it comes to these stuff but regarding jennie’s yacht thing, why would she accept being sold by her company AND only get a small % of it? like id get if she got the whole 2 million (i doubt she needs it too at this point she’s making sm more from other gigs) but to get p1mped while also being this powerful and famous? if she did it for yk connections or an opportunity id understand but money? esp as a nepo baby dont think shed sign up for that.

Honey.

You have a lot to learn.

I understand your point but you are sorely mistaken if you think being a celebrity and peaking i.e finally becoming established with so many deals & noterity expels a celebrity from mistreatment. Did we not learn from TLC, the biggest selling contemporary girl group before destiny child's who got fucked over contractually and were just as broke as a regular person despite just getting off a tour and winning grammys? All they had were company planted gifts and styling that they were billed for like Korean idols and had to announce being scammed at the grammys publicly. It's not related to sex but this example sheds light on how celebrity life is NOT what they show you and tell you at all. It just isn't.

did we forget that one Korean male group like 5-6 years ago who were beaten and abused under their agency?

Did we forget boys over flowers major scandal where that actress was practically pass around to get SA'D severely and had nothing despite being on the biggest show of that decade?

there are so many celebrity names I could drop and even models who have sold out selling pussy to make ends meet.

This all speculation with Jenny i.e allegedly. You don't know what she would sign up for just like I don't. That lifestyle they are living is not a regular societal lifestyle like ours. Power dynamics are severely imbalanced especially over there .

She's not jun jihyun or Lee hyori not even hyuna so why wouldn't she be given a small fraction of it? some of the tea the anon spilled to some degree does seem implausible but I do believe she may have been exposed to or brought into something unsavory. No offense but from how you're explaining it, I can tell you are a newbie. Thats okay. We all get into the scene as newbies.

When you see celebs these days on yachts and mega sail yachts or boat parties, do you genuinely think they are hanging out and vacationing? Cause if you do? The discussion is already over. Jennie is extremely blessed to be young in the new advanced tech era and where social media unites us all for her to have such access to everything she has and I'm happy she's doing the damn thing and it's a win in general but subjectively speaking, I truly don't believe in my opinion one can rise to this magnitude at her talent level and media train alone surpassing others who should have rightfully been there without something underlying there. I'm willing to be fair and say she is where she is cause she's benefitting off the times today cause Korean music was isolated and sparingly promoted here. Korean industry is now on par with America but just a few steps behind.

Anyways, I still remember that random rumor YG shut down with a quickness (which is abnormal for them and him) saying he was having a sexual relationship with Jennie. Then the same rumor was said for Teddy. The media is vicious and can make up crap out of nowhere for sure but sometimes not all of this rumors just come out of nowhere and do stem from some real behavior, even if someone saw something and exaggerated it to the internet.

Remember that.

I don't ever remember a back to back rumor like that floating around about a girl group member and an agency head like that since Yang Sun Huk (It's been so long, I forgot his name but the former owner who wore the hat during BB and 2NE1 days) dated and married one of his girl group members which well is truth.

That's all. You have to tell me this cause you find it illogical and farfetched, not because you're a fan and you don't want to phantom that for her. Again, minus the fact she speaks English well and YG promotes them / books them gigs into over time, you've got to ask yourself why her of all people especially out of everyone in BP landed the idol gig with the weeknd and has opportunities no other idol has gotten to that magnitude? Lisa has great gigs and so does Rose but look closely..m

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blackstripesbouncer · 2 years

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its so hard for me to brain dump cause i think randomly but i like to put them down in sequence. so contradicting that i never get started on anything.

How do i know if what im thinking is what im actually feeling and not whats influenced on me by what i hear, see and keep around me. But then again, isnt that what human behaviour is made of any way?

Recently just finish 3 months in this new company, can't tell if it's high stress or if i am still incompetent enough to cope with the work load. How do you know when you can't cope or if you're just shit?

Have been thinking about work stuff 80% even when im off work. On the toilet bowl, during showers, before sleep. Fuck. I didn't sign up for this. Things just keep coming in during work, and everything is urgent.

Bringing this high emotions out of work has affected my social interactions, i feel like a lot of meet up with friends after work, im so drained im not really there. I can't concentrate on the conversation. But part of me is thinking that the bigger cause of this is due to off work social media usage?

I am scared of social interations with none close friends. I am scared of myself when i interact with close friends. Sometimes when im with long time friends, in the middle of a conversation, or even at any pint of time, my mind is out of it looking at the thing from a 3rd person's view.

I could be sick or maybe i'd just like to have an explanation or justification to my bizarre tendencies. Talking to my friends half way i will feel like "shit! they are not reacting, isit i am not enough?", makes me feel like i don't belong sometimes and like the relationship here is so superficial. But then i think, it could be that i am too washed by what i see in dramas and i have a fixed definition of how friendships should look like. Should i stop watching tvs, reels, shorts, etc.?

A lot of times i think, will i get judged, but wait, i shouldn't care about that, oh but no, i do. A lot of times i catch myself reacting, smiling, laughing bigger, in a more exaggerated form because in the exact moment, i am thinking that oh this is what i want to present of myself in case someone is happen to be looking. What the fuck. Seriously.

I also want to address that sometimes i talk to people but i cannot look them in the eye. Recently have caught myself doing that very often. I hate that, but i suck when interaction comes and i have that avoiding eye contact thing.

I cannot apologise. Literally. When i have something to seriously apologise for. And i hate that about myself.

I also have no patience with my family, they are good people, but being at home is just damn sian 90% of time now. I find myself not wanting to interact with them and i get very irritable when they talk to me. Keep asking me to do this do that. Keep telling me this should be done this way that should be done that way. Fuck. I want my own house.

I am also very scared that i become physically and or mentally useless. Or really, im just scared of being useless in anyway. Cause then i wouldn't know how i can belong. And this sentence was exactly placed here because i saw it somewhere and thought it would make my "story" sell. I don't want to be useless, because honestly that's what my grandparents are right now and i don't know what to do with them or help them. I understand that they are old and can't help themselves, physically and figuratively, but can anyone understand my frustration with them sometimes?

And it scares me that my parents are on their way there too. Especially my dad, i can see his reluctance in learning anything at all. But i think it could be 29 years on a long hours night shift job. I don't want to stop using my head, but it's so so so filled with negativity and worries that i feel it might die on me sooner than i can imagine.

I need to slow down and be chill in everyday life things and but speed up at work.

#cheriebraindump

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red-dyed-sarumane · 2 years

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what your thinking process when you draw? Do you see a picture in your head and draw from there or maybe you plan everything out? Something different?

i can think in my art style if i want something really specific but usually i start with just what elements i really want like "i want to draw this chara today" or "this kind of pose would be fun" or just an outfit i think would be fun. im very bad about using references i hate pulling them up so if i see something interesting irl i will stare at it for a long time & try to memorize the shapes & angles of it and how the shadows fall & where light reflects off of. please use references im just weird. when im actually drawing it its a matter of focusing on shapes & angles of things especially relative to things ive already drawn on the canvas. especially with things like folds in clothes, what point is it laying on, in what direction is it being pulled and such. its the same thing with shading as lines just. where is the light hitting what shape does that make how is that shape distorted by the things around it is a part pure shadow or is light reaching something nearby that would add a bit of color to it from reflection. but also arts supposed to look good so sometimes u have to ask urself what u want to exaggerate or add unnecessary colors to just for fun.

i find that by focusing piece by piece like that it almost completely gets rid of that "this looks nothing like what i wanted it to :(" feeling. i havent felt that in years (not that i think everything is good. theres a lot i do i dont like but its not for that reason). it also makes it a little easier to pick where u want to improve on. instead of saying "oh this doesnt look good" u can recognize like "this part was too far left" or "this was too big/small compared to whats next to it" or "this shouldve curved instead of being straight" things like that. but also maybe dont say it bc if u dont point it out others are less likely to notice & then u just keep it in mind next time u do something. if u keep working on things one by one like that it helps improving feel less intimidating

#asks #anon #i was going to say yeah i think of something & just do it #but since im currently coloring its like uhhhh no theres more to it

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