#the thought of being a mother makes me feel so panicked and sick and depressed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

filczi · 3 years

Text

IT STARTED WITH A KISS HOW DID WE END UP LIKE THIS.

AN: Before we start. I just want to quickly mention that this is my first story since 2019. It’s not perfect in any way - grammatically and stylistically - English is not my first language. I truly attempted my best to make it look good for a “reader's” eye so many times I honestly can’t look at this story anymore. I’m a perfectionist who spends hours crying fat tears over this while trying to edit it.

PLEASE LIKE & ENJOY < 3 send me a lil message what you think about my first child of many.

WARNING: I never completely watched “Defending Jacob” | age-gap between characters, slight 18+ content.you read at your own risk. Both Jacob and the reader are adults in this story. 6,5k words.

Happy early valentines day since I'm v sick at home < 3

He has a wife.

Surprisingly, this is the first thought of realization that your brain decided to process from all the things happening around you. The second your feet cross over the threshold of the most intimate looking living room that you ever had the chance to be inside. It feels like a fresh whiff of air or a train coming your way with all force - knocking out of you any sense of brain maturity you previously held.

The moment your eyes settle on him. He’s there. The head of the house. Just like you heard Jacob calling him playfully while you spend late evenings together, drinking instead of studying for upcoming exams. Always managing to comfort one another by telling outrageous family stories which happened over the weekend you’d spend apart with your own families.

Standing all the way back in the kitchen area, cornered by some individuals in important attire, engrossed in a vivid conversation that required a lot of hand gesticulations and insulting words. Unfazed statue of an attractive man whose beauty cannot be surpassed by anything you’d seen in this world. Propped against the edge of the kitchen counter behind him, nursing a bottle of what seems to be a beer in one of his hands, while he calmly observes the scene in front of him with a stoic expression.

You blink a couple of times, just making sure of the conviction you made that this man looks like he rather belongs in a movie scene or on the cover of the magazine not in depressing Newton, Massachusetts.

“Honey, come here for a moment. Jacob bought a guest.”

A lovely, nice wife.

You subconsciously add when the mature woman moved into your point of view, effectively making you lose your train of thought, you can still hear your best friend’s moans after his mom's affectionate attention.

“I’m Laurie, sweetheart.” she quickly introduces herself before her hands develop you in a tight welcoming hug, nearly knocking the air out of your lungs.

Laurie is a beautiful neat-looking woman, whose eyes spark with uncontrollable joy that Jacob already told you so much about, including the ways he could always make her forgive him for everything he managed to break as a child - or not. She’s giving you the idea of a perfect mother example, that kind of woman you’d like to become one day when you think about your own family, the one who always held her head high, no matter the obstacle she’s about to face on her way. The one giving warmth and light towards the family fire. That gives the warmest hugs of them all and cheeks so bright and sparkling as if she smiles like this all day.

“Mum’s a huger,” Jacob shrugged his shoulders at the look you gave him when his mother disappeared the second after promising to fetch something delicious for you after the long journey you both went through.

“And that's your--” you quickly pointed your head into the exterior of the house, trying to discretely indicate the place Jacob’s father was occupying. Not refusing yourself to cast another glance at the visionary man whose identity was still somewhat unknown, or you just couldn’t bring yourself to believe it.

Please, don’t be his father...

“Head of the house,” Jacob jokes again, gently swaying on his feet visibly getting annoyed at something. He furrows his brows for a second before addressing you again “you know, lawyers never sleep, there’s always a cause worth fighting for.”

You nod your head in silent understanding, knowing how much Jacob went through when he was younger and how much his entire family paid for that.

“I’m going to be such a dick now, but I really have to pee,” Jacob complained under his breath before throwing a longing glance towards the stairs leading to the first floor of the house. You guessed that’s where the bathroom is. "mom will be back in a second and she’s going to show you the guest bedroom, just sit and ignore the legal gibberish coming from the kitchen.”

“But--” you instantly panicked. “please, don’t leave me here alone.”

“Relax, you’ll be fine here. He’s not going to eat you, he doesn’t even know someone else besides his friends is home that’s how into work he usually is.”

Sending you a reassuring look, your best friend quite literally rushed through the hall and up the stairs as if he was on fire.

It’s weird to finally be in the house you heard so much about from Jacob's stories. Where you can see everything by your own eyes, the place your best friend grew up in and had his first memories from - home.

“Girlfriend?” It seems like you can't breathe, as you hear a deep masculine voice at the side of your ear completely throwing you out of your thoughts,

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re my son’s girlfriend? It's your time to smile now, gently tipping your head back you let bubbles of amusement fill you,

“No, we’re friends. I thought Jacob told you, Mr. Barber that-”

“Andy.” the tall male corrected you instantly,

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s okay to call me Andy. I don’t care,” the broad man shrugged his shoulders at you.

You feel like your head is in the cloud and your ears are stuffed with cotton wool.

He has a wife,

“Alright.” You try to clear your throat before speaking again. “I thought Jacob told you-- his parents that he’s bringing a friend for a weekend.”

“Ah nice there, trying to avoid calling me by my name, I’ll give it to you.”

You didn’t even know you could flush crimson so easily, before you met Mr. Barber, or rather Andy no other men made you feel like this.

He was even more magnificent from up close as if it’s even achievable. Every detail of his face looked like it was fractured by God himself, who certainly put a lot of work into making such a masterpiece a living human being. Casting a shy glance at his pretty face, coated with a few days overgrowth beard that looked almost too scandalous to carry, to the way his broad shoulders moved with every breath he took, stretching the dress shirt he was currently wearing like painting on the canvas. Wide and big forearms looking like a superhuman in every definition of the word possible, to the way his hands spread, including the color of his creamy skin peeking out from the rolled-up sleeves of his white crispy shirt, and fingers...

God, his fingers.

Thick digits wrapped each by each around the same bottle of the beer you have seen him holding during the second you stepped your foot into his house. Ceremonially holding the neck of the bottle as if it's the prices thing in his possession right now.

“You know how boys are” the man in front of you shook his head before you realized.

“I’m so sorry I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Y/N”

The chuckle that seeped out of Andy’s chest could have you on your knees if he wasn’t your best friend’s father in any type. He shook his head at you, eyes squinting in hidden adoration as he took a step back before placing the already forgotten and empty bottle on some random shelf with pictures and materials on it.

“Alright little girl, have it your way then, I’m Andy Barber, so nice to meet the only female friend my son has,” there’s this certain nip in the tone of his voice that makes you believe you just discovered something new about your best friend’s father no-one else your age possibly had before.

You bit onto your tongue the second his hand developed around yours completely taking you off the guard, warmth scattered across your entire body, almost letting you let a mewl out of your own the second his skin tasted yours. Fingers wrapped across yours like it's a beautiful lover's symphony, and maybe you just imagined the way the surface of his fingers brushed delicately across the bone of your knuckles for a few times before he squeezed your hand again - successfully knocking the air out of your lungs this time.

He has a wife.

Your subconscious warns you urgently, striving to immediately destroy the idea of any incidents happening shortly before they even have the chance to push any roots into your brain, as you feel your head shutting out on you, you feel completely dumb the moment you finally got the chance to stand face to face with your best friend father.

He called me a little girl not even two seconds ago.

“I can show you the guest bedroom if you’d like to.”

You send a glance towards the expanse of the kitchen again, where a lot of mature men fought nevertheless with one another. It was hard to understand what everything was about as in the middle of common English terms law language appeared that you knew nothing about.

“Aren’t you working?” you asked sheepishly, nodding towards the group of a man with a lot of papers in their hands, “Jacob said you do that a lot--”

“So you talk about me with my son huh?” there’s that cheeky smile of his again.

“I-no.” you shake your head before squirming at the intensity of his gaze on you. “he was just talking about how hardworking you are Mr--Andy.”

Andy hums under his breath, giving you the idea that he’s definitely thinking about what you said before smiling under his breath for one insane second before coming back to being all serious again. He breaths out quietly, brushing the side of his beard with one of his hands before setting on a scowl on his beautiful features.

“I’m going to show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

“But Mr. Barber, you don’t have to I don’t want to cause any trouble, you’re working.”

“Y/N, stop being a brat and come with me I'm not taking no for an answer, Laurie is already picking groceries from the store to make you nice filling dinner before bed so c’mon.”

“I thought your wife was just---”

Andy snickered under his breath before giving you a hand ahead giving you a silent sign to walk up the stairs ahead of him.

He wanted you to lead?

“That’s how Laurie is, you can’t expect anything from this woman.”

Turns out the guest bedroom you were supposed to spend a few of the next weeks in was nowhere near ready for anyone’s arrival. It looked a little bit neglected but nothing you couldn’t cope with. You insisted Mr. Barber that you can change the sheets of the bed yourself, and try to tidy up a little here and there but the man of the house insisted on helping you with everything you could have encountered on your way.

Firstly, you never expected him to change the bed sheet for you since you were completely capable of doing it yourself, but you couldn’t complain since you got the chance to see the way his muscles work underneath the dress shirt he was probably wearing all day already that looked a little bit maintained. but you couldn’t complain about the view for sure.

“Why are you looking at me like this?” he asked you since the only noise of the room was the ruffled sheets in his hands,

“Well.” you swayed shamelessly at the tops of your heels, not understanding why but being alone with him made you drop your shyness, “It’s nice to see a man knowing his way with things.”

The silence in this room was almost unendurable.

Did I fuck up?

“I know my way with things, yes.” he nodded his head in confirmation to your words.

“I live alone with my dad and I just can’t bear to look how much he despises to do it.”

He narrows his eyes at you in silent question,

“Changing the sheets I mean,” you laugh wholeheartedly at him before continuing “since I can remember it was my mom’s duty.”

“So now, you’re expected to do it for the rest of your life?” he rose his sharp eyebrow at you.

“I mean yeah I guess, it's not that hard,”

“But if you had a boyfriend or husband you’d do it for just as your mom did it for your father?”

“I wouldn’t mind my future husband to do it from time to time,” you mumbled under your breath, not being sure why imagining a man kindly similar to the man in front of you.

Andy hummed in understanding before throwing you the already prepared pillows.

"When a man is capable of doing household chores, he is also fully capable of taking care of you in any situation you want him to," Andy stated before pushing the corners of the bed sheet into the rightful position on the mattress.

“Take it as advice from a married man,” he grants you with a quick wink before finally moving away from your temporary bed.

Secondly. You wouldn't expect the sheets to smell a little musky and rather too expensive to be a laundry detergent from the grocery store down the street.

The subtle yet overpowering scent that wasn't belonging to your best friend rooted into your brain but still, that didn't stop you from nuzzling into the comfortable fabric right after Mr. Andy left your bedroom a while later, before muttering:

“Dinner will be probably ready in two hours or so, take your time settling in. My bedroom is down the hall across the bathroom, Jacob’s room first door from the staircase, you got it sweetheart?” and when you let out an almost visible nod he left you with a little praise.

He called you a good girl.

It’s the delicious smell of food that manages to wake you up from your slumber. Abruptly pushing yourself up, making sure to correct the glasses that are falling from the bone of your nose to a straight position before glancing back at the screen and sighing in defeat at the lack of words you wrote for the past two days.

You thought about pushing some of your assignments and finishing them earlier before you and Jacob focus on the main paper that takes the most of the year credit. Your stomach grumbled, demanding to be properly fed, making you wince at the emptiness you felt before actually deciding on closing the barely started document - maybe, a good portion of food and an even better night of full sleep made everything better. You still had time to turn it up, you just had to make the best of it first,

Gently closing the lid of her laptop and throwing the device onto the plush covers of your temporary bed, that seemed to cry out for you whenever you looked back at it. Seeing all the velvet sheets and fuzzy pillows scattered across the mattress that smelled almost heavenly...

Stumbling through the threshold of the living room, as the delicious aroma of freshly prepared food completely overthrown your senses and stomach grumbled in need again as you see the prepared and decorated kitchen table,

You'd rarely used to eat properly since the day you moved out of your house. It’s a nice sight to see when there are no left-over packages of pizza or overused glasses of alcohol from when your dad used to have a little too much on Friday nights.

There are four pieces of dinnerware set on the table and you’re not even sure how Jacob's parents were in possession of such things since family dinner wasn’t a normal thing for them.

Scrunching your eyes at the scene in front of you as if the overly decorated table burned your eyes you stepped past it and towards the kitchen,

“Hope you don’t mind--” You hear the voice from the other side of the kitchen, looking into the direction from the voice of your roommate comes in you the half-part of your friend sticking out of the cabinet, still looking for something to prepare. “It’s spaghetti night.”

“Hmm, fancy.” you joke under your breath as Jacob's head extends from the hidden place to look at you. “where’s your mom I thought she was the head of kitchen space?” you responded before scooping some drained pasta from the bowl right beside the sink before the Chef noticed.

Eyes wondering over the prepared food as the dark-haired boy moved to season his special version of tomato sauce,

“Stop picking,” he grumbled before taking a ragged breath in, “they've had a fight again, and now dad left somewhere I don’t know if he’s going to attend dinner.”

“Oh I'm sorry, I thought your parents... you know... I love your mom. They look like a happy family.”

Jacob immediately snickered under his breath before pushing the wooden spoon mindlessly onto the counter. “Mom and dad are currently in separation, this whole family gathering was made for you so you’d think we’re a normal family.”

Your stomach churned uncomfortably, and this time you weren't sure if it’s because you’re still hungry.

“Jacob I’m so sorry--” you whispered quietly, thoughts neglecting you for your individual family issues or what was left from it, “If you want we can go back--fuck, I can drive back--”

Jacob's eyes narrowed curiously at something behind you before he shook his head and spoke again, “can you put it on the table?”

The intense clutter of feet makes your eyes twitch and you’re definitely trying to be on your best behavior and stay as quiet as it’s only possible as the loud ramble goes off in the corridor and right after the front door snap shut behind him and the voices go through every single corner of the spacious house, you know it’s already over for you. Because there he is - tall, with his figure a little bit more taken care of since the last time you’d seen him, looking a little bit more like a husband, with his hair styled in a way that suits him a little more than you’d expect as his head lacks those fuzzy curls you remembered so well from few houses before.

He definitely took a shower,

Pushing your bottom lip out quietly studying him from your place at the table,

With Jacob's mom immediately switching into the “host” mode, still trying to keep up the appearance of the perfect family, ushering Mr. Andy inside the living room, urging him to finally sit down at the table and devour delicious dinner.

He’s nice and polite, you note from the first minute of the genuine conversation with his wife? hold with him, as he seems to be listening to every word that leaves his lips and joking around with your best friend trying to ease on the nervous atmosphere because he knows it too - how tense the situation around the table changed.

Does he know that Jacob told you everything?

“Mr. Barber” you acknowledged him when he finally took the place at the table, with a big smile on his face he took the place to sit right beside you – what are the fucking odds. You thought to yourself. dressed up nice, in a stripe button-up shirt, with a few top buttons free, as you notice the black jeans that seem to fit his figure incredibly well - too well for your liking.

That little smirk at the corners of his mouth makes your eyes twitch with annoyance in such an easy way to make you annoyed already. His green eyes are observing you and he's fully taking his time to run his eyes all over the top of your figure, noticing a fitting white top, that suddenly felt too tight on you.

Throughout dinner, he never backed down his look towards you, and the worst part of it, you could feel the burden and heat of his eyes against the profile of your face during the entire feast, completely losing the rest of your appetite not even halfway through the dinner, and now aimlessly played up with your fork and the pasta rolled up onto the cutlery before pushing it back against the plate.

Perching your head up with the help of your hand you listened to the excited conversation that was held against the table, only to let it out the second after through the other ear.

Mr. Andy pushed his legs to the side of his chair, his front coming towards your side as his long forearms dropped over the side of your chair. You're not sure if he did it on purpose but from time to time you could feel the pads of his fingers brushing through the baby hairs on your neck, the locks you had formed every time you skipped a hair day and just decided to keep them up to stop bothering you as you took your nap. And every time the knuckle of his hand touched something of yours the sudden shiver rushed through your body making you squirm in your seat and ultimately lost the last attempts of gaining back the courage to finish dinner,

Then, there’s a sudden and completely unexpected question making you completely freeze in your spot. “So, how're the studies going Y/N?”

You're immediately thrown out of your thoughts at the sound of Mrs. Barber's voice, then the sudden silence appeared and you knew everyone was listening and looking at you right now. Cringing to yourself in your mind, you perched yourself more comfortably on your chair, keeping in mind to keep your back straight and not lean against the back of it.

“Pretty good” your voice came out more croaky as you'd want to, gently couching down the bile formed in your throat, you pushed your plate out of the way, to reach for the half-empty glass of red wine.

Before taking a small sip, “lot's of assignments” you shrugged your shoulders yearning for the red nectar. You'd hope it's gonna help you find the sleep you need and new power for the morning to start finished the pointless papers for your professor.

“Y/N has been working day and night on her term papers, she wants to be on top of her class grade.”

From the side of your eye, you could see a movement on your right side before Mr.Barber leaned a little bit forward in his seat as if trying to do it “unintentionally”

“So, you’re an ambitious girl huh?” The heat of his breath and the tone of his voice makes your posture stiffen like a new repaired spring, he murmured it in such a way as if he was talking to his lover right before going down to devour the last bits of her, his hand perched itself on the edge of your seat, gently gripping onto the white decorating pillows Mrs. Barber spends a fortune on because in her option they perfectly matched with the curtains in the living room, the heat of his hand that’s coming onto the side of your legs makes you instantly push it away in a jerking motion, away from the sudden and completely unexpected heat.

“You could say that” you whispered back to him, not even taking your mouth out of your wine glass, lips gently brushing over the bitter liquid when he openly laughed, his chest brushing against your sleeveless arm making you lean away from him but before that Andy innocently threw his arms across yours and shoved you against the heat of his chest trying to make it look as if both of you are just joking around like good old friends you’re definitely shouldn’t be.

He tuts under his breath, “I love to push your buttons, you're so easy to work up, It's almost funny.” before his fingers ghosted over the side of your collarbones as if he was taking in what's in front of him, taking his time to memorize every aspect of her with his eyes.

Biting your tongue to the point where it could bleed when Mrs. Barber looks at you with such a smile you’re not even sure what you’re supposed to do.

“What's wrong? You're not hungry?”

Oh, I am. But the dish I want was not offered in the menu.

“No, everything is fine I just have to use the bathroom really quick, if you excuse me.” You quickly stood up from your place,

“Remember that you’re cleaning after dinner,” Jacob called out after you before he proposed another glass of wine for his mother awaiting glass.

“Jacob! Y/N is our guest, don’t treat--”

“It’s completely fine Mrs.Barber, it’s a tradition of ours” you waved her hand in the air before letting him know that you still remember their deal before you muster one last glance towards the dark-haired man, who’s still looking at you with a slight grin on his gorgeous face.

Your fingers are tightly gripping onto the edges of white porcelain sink as the cold droplets of waters cover her skin in different directions you’re gazing at her reflection in the mirror, with a scowl because of how stupid you could he be to let him get under your skin already on the first night.

You hear the dinner is still lasting as its best as the sudden and happy cheers reflects through the exterior of the walls and you can’t help but feel your heart tings a little because you know how much you could give to spend time with your own father. You considered yourself a bad friend, Jacob was the opposite, the bubbly exterior of her friend sometimes coming off on her but she preferred a silent house, silent night in, with a bag of chips and glass of wine at her lap and maybe if the landlord of their apartment building would let them, she would have a cat by her side too.

The sudden knock at the wooden material of the door has your head spinning, you’re not sure if you want to talk with Jacob. You knew you promised to be on your best behavior but knowing that Andy is constantly playing with you just for his humor is making your blood boil – you’re letting him do this all because of how off guard he caught you.

“It's taken” you called out grumpily, pushing the material of the towel against your face to rains it from the water but the knocking didn't stop there.

“What the fuck?” you grumbled again, irritation coming out of you in waves, “do you seriously can't hold it for two more minutes?” you tugged at the door handle with such a force and swing the doors open only to see someone you least expected.

“Do you mind?” you asked sarcastically, noticing the hold he still had on the white exterior, his palm was big, she took notice about his fingers, wide and they probably hold a lot of power in them.

Not that you cared.

“Laurie told Jacob to check up on you since you're taking so long--” he aimlessly told her, standing in the exterior of the room completely blocking the lights from the corridor

“How nice of you,” you mustered with a sweet fake smile to form on your lips, noticing how much he hated when you did that, his jaw immediately ticked, with a vein coming out at the side of his throat and his teeth tensed together.

“Stop being such a brat.”

You shockingly rose your eyebrows at him. “Excuse me? Repeat that?” You dared.

Andy chuckled under his breath, fingers pushing against the door to open them even wider before he moved his feet a little forward coming into the room with you, his eyes narrowing and face coming dangerously close.

The dark dimension of his green eyes made your stomach churn with something you couldn’t even name. This guy was making you so confused.

“You heard me.” he grumbled, voice low and gratingly with something else, “you're acting like a fucking brat.” he spats out the last words as her back got shoved against the bathroom wall, right beside the towel cabinet.

Your mouth opened in shock.

“How dare you run your mouth on me,” you growled out, fingers coming to tip onto his chest, aimlessly pointing at the bare skin. “your wife and son are downstairs and you already have the audacity to---”

Andy shook his head, fingers shifting onto her forearms to turn her back flat against the wall before taking a step ahead, his chest completely flush against yours as your breathing quickened due to his proximity. “Shut up--” he ordered and to her surprise you instantly did.

He immediately picked her behavior up, “Hmm-” his nose skimmed the side of her jaw and she could swear her toes curled when his cologne overwhelmed her senses. “just as I've said. Good girl.”

You could swear to God, your heartbeat was about to rip out of your chest, and it was almost embarrassing. You were sure Andy could hear it beating due to how close she was.

Your mouth opened in a sudden urge to let out a puff of air when his tongue skimmed out of his lips to taste the sweetness of your skin. The gentleness and skill he operated with had your brain turning into mush,

“M' sorry.” he whispered into the hollow of your neck, taking a deep breath of you “couldn't help myself with you.” and then his tongue runs against the stripe of your throat towards your jaw, and you could swear that your legs are giving out under the weight of them.

“Oh my god--” you’re almost squealing to yourself when the rough palms of his hands push against her shoulder blades you’re able to feel every part of him on yourself, or maybe every part of you on him, it's like you got turned into one. The hotness that’s building inside and in every place his hands keep touching.

“Mr.Barber--- what are you--” and then you’re gasping, as his teeth grasp onto the edge of your lips pulling the flesh back only to completely get lost into the feeling of the plump sweetness of your taste. You let him in, eagerly waiting for his tongue to battle with yours in soft dominance, as his hands wander over her whole. They knead every flesh on his way, he's taking everything you have in offer for him. igniting inside of her the fire she never knew she possessed.

“It’s Andy, doll.”

Breathless – both of you – as he lets you take a time to breathe, fingers skimming along the side of your calloused cheekbones,pads of his fingers tracing the reddened skin of your lips and he can't help but smile when he observes your chest moving in need for air and eyes wild and ready for everything.

“Please.” neither of you were expecting the word to come out your mouth, it shocks you but it's there, let out into the silence of the bathroom. You don't want to take it but and you damn hope he won't turn away from you.

“What my doll wants, hmm?” Andy muttered under his nose, you had to take a second to rethink what he said was even real and it wasn't a figment of your imagination, “you want daddy to touch you? You’re going to be my good girl?” he cooed calmly, before letting his hands drop from your body, leaving you cold and needy.

What?

He's sending you one last look, his mouth quirks in humor when he notices how displeased and angry you can be in a second. Before he turns away from you and heads right towards the door.

You act before you think, and there’s something inside of you that is screaming at you by doing such a thing but your hands grip his massive arm in panic, tugging him back to face you again. His eyebrows rising in silent question before you take courage to mutter

“Please.” you’re whining like a lost puppy, gently carding his hand in yours and tugging him back to your previous position. As your eyes continue to shine with need.

Andy’s furrows his brows for a moment, head-turning, and if you didn't know him before that way, you’d say he looks like a damn cute, confused puppy. “You want daddy’s fingers?”

Biting the corner of your lips your not even sure if you’re able to say it out loud, You love how rough he looks now, giving you a different side of his physique you never gets a chance to see before. You’re wriggling under his stare, not feeling comfortable at all. The silver wedding band on his fingers is tempting you, you can’t help but imagine how would it feel inside of you, how the whole idea of getting a married man to touch you entice you.

A few hours ago you absolutely treated him like your best friend's father and now you’re willing to push even further? Were you ready to look at him from a different angle? Are you ready to risk years of friendship over a married man?

You swallowed quietly as Andy still looked at you expecting the answer, his knuckles gently grazing over the naked skin on her arm, turning it downwards to til he touched outside of her wrists making her brain turn into a mush.

“You know what---fuck you,” you grumbled annoyed, finally coming back into your senses but that's not what Andy was expecting. You hurried away from him, making sure to keep a distance in between both of you before looking him straight in the eyes, a silent challenge for him to take. “don't you ever touch me again,” you scowled before pushing a finger into his direction, trying to threaten him enough

He pushed the air out of his lungs painfully slow, too slow for her liking because you had a feeling something was building inside that he was about to let out on her. “You were doing so good--” he muttered to himself, shaking his head and turning his back to you and marching towards the door, and when you thought he's about to leave you observed the way his palm pushed against them making sure they're closed before his fingers cleverly turned the lock closed with a sudden click

Your stomach immediately churned in excitement you didn't even know you should feel the moment he leaned his broad shoulders against them. Crossing his large arms across his chest he spends a good second just observing you from when he stood.

“Acting like the brat you are,” he clicked his tongue at you, and arrogant behavior coming out immediately, he acted like a boy whenever he didn't get what he wanted, and you got the first example of it. “since the first minute you-” he shook his head as if his memories of their unsuccessful first meeting flowed his memory

“Maybe you should make up your fucking mind--” you then threw your hands up annoyingly, “calling me a good girl only to change it to brat the second later. Is that some kind of kink of yours?”

Andy chuckled under his breath, his eyes squinting in hidden adoration for you before his entire posture changed immediately.

“Better watch your fucking mouth,” he hissed at her, “because I'm sure you won't like the consequences.”

You narrow your eyes at him subconsciously screaming at yourself to bit onto your tongue before speaking but it’s too late, your change of posture challenges him, you see it in the way he curses under his breath before all you see is him charging upon you.

Fingers digging into your jeans, as you gasp in shock the second you feel your jeans loosening on your body, the stoic expression of the man in front of you is enough for you to fumble with your tongue, knowing in the back of your mind the apology words you know but it’s too late. Thick digit, you feel it coming down the front of your pants, marching through the material of your panties without not even a fumble, you feel his skin on your skin playing with your fold and you swear your knees are giving up on you the second he finds his right place in between your legs - you look down on him, mouth opened in shock by the sudden situation, his entire fist pulled down inside your pants making it as his job to destroy you.

“Oh my Go--” you squeal as a warm finger push into the right place between your folds, sliding in without harm as you close your eyes in embarrassment at how wet you are for him.

Andy’s breath palms upon your face, he’s thrusting his body onto yours gently muttering sweet sugar-coated praises toward you but all you can hear is the blood that finally reaches your ears.

“Please don’t make me come for the first time in your wife’s bathroom” you whine through the pleasure that’s completely taking over your senses. You’d still plead to him, hands grabbing onto the one that’s been working on your pussy with such a precision you feel like crumbling out into a creme in his home bathroom. While he supports his entire body weight on the tiles behind your curled up from bliss body.

Andy just chuckles into your hair, granting you with a quick kiss to your sweaty forehead before circling his finger harder onto your clit, just as a loud moan escapes your lips. Andy tugs his fingers out of your pussy, your entire body is tingling, stomach churned into much when he holds your entire weight before you can tumble to the ground.

And then within a blink of her eyes, he sends her one last look as if saying “it's not over” and turns around again catching a glance over the worked up muscles on his back moving with every step of his silhouette when he yanks the door open and marches down the corridor as if nothing had happened.

It takes you some time to understand what's happening, as the place falls into complete tranquility but the sparkles in the air, are telling you that nothing you’d seen and heard tonight was imagined – even when you really want to believe it.

Hearing the pad of his heavy feet stops against the wooden floor before his voice tells and assure your best friend and his wife that everything is alright with you.

But was it? Now when you think about it, that you have to spend the rest of the weekend break with the guy who’s your best friend's father who just fingered you for a few minutes with you in his own bathroom.

And it was only beginning.

The wrong never felt so right.

an2: send me a lil’ message what u think of this < 3

Jacob, after finding out his best friend is fucking his father:

#chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans one shot #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #andy barber smut #andy barber one shot #andy barber x reader #andy barber imagine #andy barber #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #filczi #it started with a kiss series #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill smut

393 notes · View notes

harveywritings92 · 3 years

Text

My Prompts: Shigaraki x Reader

Person A “Why have you been avoidin- What happened to you arm?!”

Person B “ I tripped on some ice and landed on it, Also broke my phone that’s why haven’t called you, sorry.”

------------------------------

Shigaraki was aimlessly wandering the mall keeping his head down and his face covered, It was Kurogiri's idea that he get off the computer and go outside!

However the young man was completely miserable he hadn't heard from you in 2 weeks, and thought you gotten sick of him and were ghosting him!

it was hard to imagine Shigaraki Tomura being all pissy and depressed because of a girl, The white haired man had somehow found his way to a gaming store and was looking through the magazines they had, when in the corner of his eye he caught sight of a woman with your [y/hc] pass by from outside.

Shigaraki gasped and quickly dropped the magazine he was reading sprinted out of the shop, and followed after the [y/ht] woman unsure if it was you or not, until he saw you look into a random clothing store window, I was you... Shigaraki gritted his teeth now feeling the overdue anger he'd been keeping buried since you went silent on him!

He wanted answers and he wanted them now! the white haired man sped walked towards you grabbing the back of you hoodie and leading you to a small alley way, you of coursed nearly scream cos you didn't know who was grabbing you! until you saw the messy mop of white hair and angry red eyes did you realize it was your boyfriend! You swallowed hard as he led you farther away from the crowed mall and farther into this dark little service cranny.

When Tomura was sure they were far enough he let go of your hoodie and snarled "Why have you been avoidin-" he choked on his words when you turned to face with a sheepish look, his red eyes went from anger to shock seeing your right arm in cast. "What happened to you arm?!" he demanded lifting it up to examine it. "I tripped on some ice and landed on it." you said blushing at consequences of your actions as you busy laughing at people who were falling on ice.

"Also broke my phone that’s why haven’t called you, sorry.” Shigaraki was shocked as he took all this in... so you didn't abandon him? his lips started quivering under his mask as you continued rambling. "...I got a concussion when I fell too, I was blind and sick for the first week, I shouldn't even be outside right-...Shiggy are you crying" you watching your boyfriend worried about him only to gasp when he suddenly pulled you in to hug while being careful of you arm. "I thought you left me..." he whimpered in your hair.

"Oh Tomura...you know I never do that to you." you cooed wrapping your good arm around him before kissing his neck, causing a little choked gasp from the tall man-child's throat, his hug tightened before hearing you yelp in pain he quickly pulled away from you panicking. "It's alright you just graze the bump on my head..." you wince feeling his fingers suddenly search the back of you head before find the bump you were taking about he barely touched it, when you gaged feeling a nauseating jolt of pain go through you skull and straight to you eyes causing your vision to blur. "...if it still hurts why are you out walking?" Shigaraki hissed realizing you weren't feeling better at all!

"I need a new phone." he cut you off. "I'll get you one later!" he huffed grabbing his phone and texting Kurogiri to warp you both to his room, Don't need to tell you how odd it was to have your couple dynamic roles switched Shigaraki was now the overprotective mother hen, he made sure you were taking your pain meds, eating your meals and making sure you were sleeping enough.

He hardly let you out of his sight unless you were going to bathroom or sleeping... It was creepy like you were in the twilight zone! Needless to say the whole league sighed in relief to have you both back to normal 12 weeks later... he was back to the gaming man-child and you were his mother hen girlfriend.

#bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #shigaraki x reader

136 notes · View notes

mageofseven · 4 years

Text

Thank you both for requesting! I was originally gonna split this up into two posts, one for a good ending and one for a bad ending, but I think I found a way to keep both within this post with how I decided to format it. However, while I was writing Satan's section, I hit the word limit for a post. I didn't even realize that was a thing 😳

Basically, that's why this ask is still gonna be separated into multiple parts, likely 3 but we'll see. I honestly didn't think I'd write this much, but this ask got me so inspired, it's crazy.

So everyone! This is gonna continue off from the pregnancy discovered in this post. If you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a read.

Below is Lucifer, Mammon, and Levi's sections.

Part 2 | Part 3

Lucifer:

The man thought he was prepared. He thought.

Lucifer expected all different kinds of physical ailments that he would have to help MC cope through; he didn't expect the ailments to be mental.

He noticed it start around her fourth month. Before that point, the demon was surprised at how calm things were. His Love went through the usual struggles of human pregnancy, like the morning sickness in the first trimester, but that was all. Nothing odd had happened and though he was grateful, Lucifer was also suspicious.

The start was subtle. His Love's spirits had been seeming down, despite keeping a cheerful outlook for all the weeks before this. She was happy for this child and it was infectious, easing the Avatar of Pride's worry about fatherhood and making him look forward to this child as well.

That was shattered when the low spirit had suddenly progressed into a heavy depression. MC couldn't even leave their bed most days and getting her to eat had become a challenge for the first brother.

He simply couldn't understand the sudden nose dive in mood and any questioning came up empty. MC didn't know why she felt what she felt and that scared her.

It was the end of that month when the fear really set in though.

Lucifer had a meeting with Diavolo at the castle. He had laid in bed and cuddled his girlfriend close beforehand, giving her a kiss and promising he'd be back in a couple hours.

He had only been gone for 10 minutes when he got a call from Mammon, who was freaking out. The older brother couldn't fully make out what the second brother was saying, but he heard his Love's name in jumble that was his brother's words so he hung up and rushed back home.

Discovered all six of his brothers in his room, trying to calm a panicked MC, who was screaming and crying on the floor.

The demon rushed to her side, trying to calm her down and figure out just what was happening. His Love clung to him and he could feel the her heart beating as if it meant to break free from her chest and the man felt powerless.

Luckily, it only took about a minute of being in his arms for the woman to stop screaming. She cried in his arms for a while and slowly, her heart beat settled.

Lucifer was so confused. What happened and why? The man shooed his brothers out of the room before carrying his Love back to the bed.

Discovers that after he left, an uneasiness set in that quickly turned into blind panic. The woman didn't even notice the brothers or hear any of their attempts to calm her.

To say that the demon was concerned would be an understatement. He had to convene with Diavolo at once for a new reason.

The man laid with his girlfriend till she fell asleep, exhausted from her previous panic.

Lucifer called his friend and apologized for his absence before explaining the situation. Lord Diavolo, now concerned as well, decided to come to House of Lamentation instead.

The two discussed the issue in his study. The lord listened to his friend's predicament before explaining that this was likely a side affect of MC's angel heritage.

Right now, their baby was trying to form its soul along with its body and the demon child needs dark energies to do so. The woman's body is trying to absorb this dark energy for the child, but her repressed angel spirit is trying to repel it all, causing her own body and soul to fight. Her brain is the battle ground.

The reason it triggered in his absence is likely a psychological thing. Lucifer himself, as all demons do, radiate the very dark spiritual energy his child needs so, despite her soul's rejection, her great trust in her boyfriend gives her feelings of safety and has her mind lend support to her body to absorb the energy the baby needs.

To sum it up, his presence is the only thing keeping his girlfriend and child alive right now.

At this news, the man changes up everything about his schedule to stay near MC. He does all his paperwork at the desk in his room instead of in his study, he stops attending RAD the few days a week he still was at that time, made his meetings with Diavolo limited to only the most important work issues and always take place within his study at House of Lamentation. Sometimes he did have to leave her side, like for said meeting or simply because he had to grab food or use the restroom.

During those times, he'd call one of his brothers in to watch her. The demon had discovered that though her trust in them was not as great as it was in him, that trust still provided somewhat of a psychological cushion for her.

However, though their presence prevented full blown panic, it wasn't enough stop her from crying incessantly.

Most of his brothers could not handle her tears so it was usually Beel or Satan that accompanied her during these times.

It was hard for all of the men to watch, Lucifer included. He couldn't help blaming himself, knowing his carelessness had gotten her into this situation. Still, he had to keep it together for her sake.

The months went by and her belly grew. Lucifer missed that excitement he felt in the beginning of all of it when MC glowed with positivity. Now, unlike the times he was smiling and rubbing her belly as the two cuddled and discussed baby names, the emotionally exhausted demon saw it nothing more than a visual timer, reminding him that this will all be over soon.

Good Ending:

After a long nine months of his Love's mental and emotional suffering, the time finally came. It was late at night, around 3am when his Love awoke with labor pains. Lucifer was already awake and at his desk doing paperwork. He immediately called the doctor that Lord Diavolo had recommended for them before approaching his love and trying to calm her. This was it. It will all be over soon and his human will finally be happy once again.

Five and half hours later, the couple was greeted by a beautiful baby girl. The small baby had her mother's hair, her father's red eyes, and a bit surprisingly, her father's black wings. MC cried as she stared down at her daughter; her tears were accompanied by a smile though. A smile. That was enough for Lucifer, who started to tear up at the scene.

"You did so well, Love." He leaned down and kissed his girlfriend's head, staring down at the baby, now drinking from her mama's chest. "I'm so proud of you."

All the days before this were tortuous for the couple, as well as the rest of the House of Lamentation, but finally some happiness was lighting up the household.

The two end up naming their daughter Ksenia.

Bad End:

The demon sighed. He was at his desk, going through paperwork while his Love slept in bed behind him. It was 1am and though that never used to be such a late time for him, these last few months had him exhausted him. His worry and care for his girlfriend took up most of his energy these past few months. MC was already entering her eighth month of pregnancy. The two were just so close to putting this all behind them and being happy. So close.

Lucifer gave a huff and laid his pen down on the desk. His concentration was waning regardless of how much he fought it. He glanced over his shoulder at MC, watching her sleep peacefully. That's the only way she finds peace anymore, by shutting off her mind and losing consciousness. Every waking moment for her is a heavy one and moments she even perceives that she might be alone causes her heart to race in her chest... all she's knows anymore is that pain and sadness yet she pushes on for the sake of their child.

Lucifer stood up and approached the bed, staring down at his Love with a guilty heart. He leaned down and kissed her forehead as he laid his hand on her round belly. There were so many moments during all of this that... he cursed his child for doing this to her. Never aloud, just within the confines of his heart. It was always followed by a reminder that the fault is his own though, not his child's. Their child didn't make any decision nor was it actively trying to hurt their mother. No, this child exists because of him and MC, because of his choices and carelessness. None of the blame truly falls on his child; it falls on himself.

He gave her belly a gentle stroke, a silent apology to the child he felt that he had wronged. Already, he felt that he was making his previous words ring true; he's a terrible father to his child. The night that MC told him she was pregnant, he confessed this fear to her.

"I should have been better. Now what's stopping me from making the same mistakes with our child?"

"Me." She answered, without missing a beat. "Lucifer, you're not alone anymore. This... we can do this together."

He still remembers those words and they roll through his head every time the fear of fatherhood decides to rear its ugly head within his mind. No matter how scared he is on the inside, no matter what happens now, he cannot let himself be engulfed by it all. No. MC needs him now and he refuses to break for her sake.

The demon steps away from the bed and heads towards the door. He shouldn't leave her, he knew that, but sometimes he just had to. It was maddening, confining himself to his room for months on end. Occasionally, and only when his Love is asleep, he allows himself to step away from the room and head downstairs to his office.

Here he sat at his desk, pulling a bottle of demonus from his drawer. It would probably look bad to anyone finding him drinking alone in his office at a time like this, but the man was stressed and he only gave himself the luxury of doing so every two weeks or so.

The man lost track of time while he was down there and before he knew it, the sun was rising. Lucifer sighed before hiding the bottle back in his desk and went back upstairs to join his girlfriend in bed.

Instead, he found her lying on the wooden floor. He raced up, calling her name and pulling her into his arms to better check her.... she was cold. The demon's eyes widened as he checked for a pulse. None... no pulse, no breath...his Love was gone.

Later, he finds out what happened from Barbatos, who checked into the past for him. His Love awoke in a panic after a nightmare to find herself all alone. The usual panic from that compounded with the fear from the nightmare and it was too much for her heart, causing her to have a heart attack. No one heard her because her last moments were filled with her desperately trying to mute herself because she didn't want him or his brothers to hear and burden them with herself once more.

Lucifer was completely torn about this. In the space of a couple hours, he lost both his girlfriend and his daughter (Barbatos told him) because he left his room at the worst opportunity and because he didn't know she felt that way. The emotionally exhausted man never knew she saw herself as a burden. It never occurred to him that she could actually have believed such a ridiculous thing. But he should have. He should have spoke out more. As many times as he told he loved her, as many times as he told her everything would be okay, he never told her specifically that it was okay to lean on him because he didn't know that she needed to hear that.

And now they're gone. And now Lucifer has to live with feeling like he was both a bad father and a bad boyfriend.

Mammon:

It all started off pretty simple in theory: morning sickness

MC's morning sickness was strong and unfortunately, didn't just happen in the mornings.

The two had to skip a lot of school days at RAD. Lucifer allowed this, but had a hell of a time negotiating with their teachers, especially Mammon's, so they aren't penalized too much for this.

MC really couldn't eat breakfast. Or lunch for that matter. If she tried, she'd end up puking it up before even finishing the meal.

She could eat dinner, but it had to be something pretty light for her stomach.

It became so much more complicated as the pregnancy progressed.

Morning sickness usually ended during the first trimester, but it never actually stopped for MC. In fact, the farther she got into her pregnancy, the less her body could keep down.

This freaked Mammon out and he kept running to Lucifer, asking if there's something, anything he can do to help this.

For a while, all he could do was comfort his weakened human... but it was hard.

During her sixth month, it was hard to even look at MC some days because, despite being pregnant and her belly sticking out, the woman had actually lost weight since becoming pregnant; other than her growing belly, she was all skin and bones. Her legs, arms, even her face, all boney and sunken. She started to look as if the life was being sucked out her.

Somehow, the human stayed cheerful. Honestly, her boyfriend didn't understand it; their baby was practically starving her, but she still smiled.

The only time she showed any fear was when she'd tell Mammon how worried she was for their baby; she hadn't felt it kick yet and she was worried it was too weak to do it.

Everytime she spoke this worry, Mammon would hold her close and start rubbing her belly.

"Now, don't go talking like that." He leaned in and laid a kiss to her temple. "Baby is gonna fine."

"But they--"

"But nothin', babe. You know it's a bit on the early side for that anyhow."

"It's early for others to feel something, but I should have felt something before this, a flutter or something but they--"

Tears poured down her cheeks, breaking her man's heart. Mammon froze for a moment before leaning in with a kiss.

"A-Are you sure they'll be okay?" She sniffled, looking up into his eyes.

"Of course, you think I'd lie to you?" He asked before giving her belly a gentle rub. "Look how our kid has grown already! If something went wrong, they wouldn't still be growing, now would they?"

"I... I guess."

Despite everything he said, the Avatar of Greed was scared shitless. What if she was right and something already went wrong? What if he already failed her and his kid? Those thoughts were too much for him though so he did whatever he could to push them aside.

It was during her seventh month when Lucifer discovered a potion she could try, one that could help with the nausea and help her keep more food down.

Mammon had to give it to her every morning, but it helped her keep most of her meals down and regain her strength.

The first few days, they kept her on light meals just in case, but afterwards, she had free reign to eat whatever she craved.

This was when the late night food runs started happening. In all honesty, Mammon never thought he'd be so grateful to be woken up at 2am to get weird food combos like ice cream and beef jerky (MC seemed to have a thing for sweet 'n salty food combos).

Things were finally starting to seem okay; MC was eating, regaining her weight, and just seemed so happy. Not forced positivity, but some real happiness.

Then, around half way done with her 7th month, it happened. MC was sitting in the living room with Mammon and a couple of his brothers she suddenly gasped.

"M-Mammon!"

The man jumped up and rushed to her side. All of the brothers were now standing too, alarmed.

"Shit! What's wrong??"

She grabbed his hand his hand and laid it on her belly. He gave her a confused look for a moment till it happened. A kick! Their baby actually kicked!

MC cried, but also smiled as she saw his face light up.

"Holy-- see! I told you our kid was alright!" He grinned. "Just goes to show that you need to be trusting The Great Mammon more!"

The other brothers settled back down in their seats. Beel actually smiled at the happy couple, grateful that things seem to be turning around for them.

Good Ending:

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, thanks to the potion. The couple's worries seemed to disappear for the most part. MC was eating again and healthier; their baby was kicking and seemed pretty lively. There were even nights where the kid kept their mother up (and in turn, their father) with all their kicks and movements, but they were glad to trade sleepless nights for the confirmation that their child was healthy too.

It was her 39 week, just barely missing the nine month mark, when MC went into labor. Mammon panicked in the beginning, causing MC to have to calm him down through her labor pains. The demon eventually got a grip on himself and started helping his girlfriend. After six hours of labor, the couple was greeted with a baby girl, who had her daddy's white hair, her mama's eyes, and surprisingly, two little nubs on her head, which will likely grow into horns just like her dad's. The couple cried along side their bundle of joy. Mammon leaned down and kissed his Human.

"You did so good, Babe. Just look at our girl there."

Most of the pregnancy... it definitely wasn't easy, but when the couple stared down at their little girl, they knew it was all worth it.

The couple ended up naming their daughter Cassia.

Bad End:

It was during the beginning of MC's eighth month when she went into labor. Mammon still remembers her panicked tears as she kept saying over and over that it was too soon. The second born had Lucifer call the doctor as he just held her close and tried to calm her. He gave his all to stay calm himself, but his Human's fear and pain really broke him down inside to the point where he'd have to quickly wipe a tear of his own away before she saw it.

In the end, MC's body was just too weak. Even though she recently had been able to regain some of her strength, it didn't erase the months before that of her body being near starved. The doctor was barely able to save his daughter. Mammon can still remember the look on his girlfriend's face when their girl entered the world, a weak smile of relief. She went to say something, but suddenly exhaled her last breath, leaving her body permanently stilled.

And just like that, he lost the only person who he felt gave a damn about him. He remembers collapsing in on himself while his brothers only saw him stare far away into space. He remembered when his younger brothers started throwing insults and blame his way, saying his stupidity killed her. And he remembered throwing himself against the brother closest to him, later noticing it to be Belphie, just punching him and crying. This shocked them to the point that no one, not even Beel stepped up to stop him for the longest moment. This wasn't Mammon. Mammon never laid a hand on his brothers.

Lucifer was the one who snapped out of it first and pulled the second born off of Belphie. The room was silent as he cried, practically in unison with his daughter in the other room. That was the moment where each of his brothers started to realize just how much Mammon loved MC. All of the brothers cared about her and were hurting from her death, but this was first moment where they really took the Avatar of Greed seriously with his own feelings.

The Brother's were a lot softer with Mammon from then on. No matter what he stole from them, no matter how much debt he racked up, they kept a certain tenderness in their heart for the brother who lost it all with MC's death.

As a dad... Mammon tried his best. No one doubted that, even when the other brothers had to jump in to feed the girl or quiet her cries while her father either cried in bed or searched for some sort of distraction to calm his mind. Looking at Cassia... it was hard for the dad. He'd look down into her eyes, the same eyes she got from her mother, and could only think about how MC should be there with him now... but how she's not.

As a baby and toddler, Cassia was mostly raised by Asmo and Beel. As a child, she had gotten closer with her Uncle Lucifer. Mammon was a loving, but distant dad who constantly tore himself down even when his brothers no longer did.

Leviathan:

Levi and MC got a good five months before facing any major difficulties.

Outside of the morning sickness in the beginning, everything was pretty calm with the pregnancy till then

And what happened at this point in time... honestly, no one could have predicted this.

The two were sitting in his room, each reading their own chosen manga.

When the woman had risen from his side, the otaku didn't really give it any thought, just assumed that she needed to go pee or grab another pillow.

It wasn't till heard a splash to his left that he looked up from his book and saw his pregnant girlfriend at the bottom of his giant fish tank.

Panicking, the demon dropped his book his and rushed up to the top of fish tank. He didn't even notice that he transformed into his demon form before jumping in and swimming down to the human

He quickly swam up with her and carried her back out and onto his floor.

"Shit shit!" The man stared down at the unconscious human, brain being uncooperative as he realised they were not breathing. Then it clicked and Levi put both hands on his Human's chest and repeatedly pressed down, starting CPR.

When his girlfriend eventually coughed up the water in her lungs and came to, he nearly fainted in relief.

He scooped her into his arms and started crying.

"W-What were you thinking???"

The demon didn't understand what just happened. His Henry almost drowned. And she was the one threw herself in! Was she trying to kill herself? Was the whole pregnancy and parenthood stuff getting too scary for her? Was he not taking care of her good enough? Oh devil... what if she thinks he's gonna be a bad dad and just wants to end it all now??

As the Avatar of Envy always did, he thought of the worse outcomes that he could blame himself for.

"I... Levi, what happened?"

??!!

"What do you mean, what happened? You tried to drown yourself!"

The woman's eyes went wide and she frantically shook her head.

"I... no! I would never do that to our baby!"

Even now, she wasn't even thinking of her own life. Just their child's. Levi was scared for their kid's life too, but got so panicked over her's that he didn't mention it before.

As he looked down into her horrified expression, the demon knew she was telling the truth. Or, at least she believed she was.

For a second, the man doubted what he just saw, just experienced. Her drenched hair and clothes were the only things that cemented him in the knowledge that he was right.

But then why did she sincerely believe differently?

Levi texted Lucifer that there was an emergency and needed him in his room now before he helped MC get changed out of her wet clothes.

By the time Lucifer came to the room, MC was in Levi's pj pants and one of his tshirts with a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm.

Lucifer could sense something different with MC the moment he entered the room. As a demon skilled with magic and curses, he could sense the energy shift within her

And once his younger brother explained what had happened, it had all clicked into place for the first brother. Granted, it was just a theory at this stage, but all signs still pointed to it.

The situation seemed to be a side affect of her pregnancy and a magical one at that. Her baby needed something that they weren't getting so they took the reigns and made their mother give it to them.

That something? Water. The baby seems to have inherited they're father's affinity for water.

Levi was frozen where he and MC sat on the couch.

Basically what the third brother was hearing was that this was his fault, that he almost lost his girlfriend and baby because he has a connection to water.

The demon was ready with a slew insults to express his self blame, but was stopped by MC's quick kiss.

"Hey... none of that." She said softly. "It's okay, it's not your fault. Besides, you saved me."

She knew her boyfriend well enough to know when he was gonna tear himself down but this... she couldn't let him blame himself for something this big.

As per Lucifer's advice, MC started lounging in the bath a couple times a day to see if that would curb her baby's need to be surrounded by water. And surprisingly, it worked.

But as her pregnancy progressed and her belly grew, so did her need to be in water. She'd be fine for a few weeks then suddenly there would be another fish tank incident (though luckily, Levi would stop her before she would even get her feet wet) and her boyfriend would rush her to the bathtub. Each time this happened, the amount of sessions and length of said sessions in the bath increased.

In all honesty, it probably wasn't good for her skin to lay in water so much, but considering this was a life or death situation for her and the baby, it was worth dealing with pruney skin.

It got to the point where it felt like most of her day was spent in the tub and the woman hated it.

Actually ended up convincing Levi to join her for some sessions and loved snuggling up to her boyfriend in the tub.

Honestly, it was something the human wanted to continue between them even after her pregnancy.

Levi had to keep a close eye on her for the remaining months, which was stressful for the otaku, who couldn't really indulge in his usual hobbies, knowing he'd get too absorbed and possibly miss it the moment she needs him.

Still, the demon took care of his Henry well.

Good End:

The woman so ready to birth this baby. MC was so tired of spending her days in the bath tub and being sore and pruney so when the day came, she was nervous, but relieved. She was about a week overdue when her water broke and she went into labor. Levi was a nervous wreck for a most of it, but MC was very patient with him, despite her pain.

After six and half hours of labor, MC held their baby boy in her arms. Levi just stared in wonder at his son. His son. Who would of thought this would ever happen? If you would have told him before he met MC that he'd be a dad someday, he would of said something was wrong with you. If you would of said it after they started dating, he would of told you there was no way MC would wanna give him such a gift.

But there he was, staring down at the son that MC spent hours pushing out and even almost drowned once, just to bring him into this world. This... MC really was amazing.

"Do you wanna hold him?" She smiled at her boyfriend, breaking his thoughts.

The man tensed up, but gave a shy nod.

His girlfriend explained how to hold the baby before setting their son in his arms and telling him to make small adjustments. Levi stared down at his child, who had his hair and MC's eyes. Heck, the little boy even had a tail just like his. The man started tearing up and the human laughed.

"Don't... I'm not crying, I swear..."

After reviewing some of the baby names they talked about, the couple decided on the name Kai.

Bad End:

MC was halfway through her seventh month when it happened. They had recently had another incident of the woman finding her way to the fish tank and had to adjust her bathing schedule again. Bad news: MC had to spend another two hours in the tub each day. Good news? The woman should be incident-free for another couple weeks.

This was why Levi felt it was okay to leave the house, something he rarely felt like doing. He used to never mind spending most of his time in his room. Before this pregnancy, it was his safe haven, where he retreated into in order to avoid all of his troubles and the judgement that he felt he got from the world. Since MC has been pregnant though, that has been the room she spent all her time in, especially since things got... complicated.

His room was no longer a safe place; on the contrary, it was where all of his stress and fears lied. He still powered through it most days for MC's sake, but on transition days where the pattern showed her to be safe, he'd leave the house to go to the comic book store (which also sold manga). He made sure his brothers would keep checking up on her while he was gone.

But they didn't. For a variety of reasons, none of this brothers checked in on her until it was too late. Lucifer was busy working in his study. Mammon left for his modeling gig. Satan was out plotting things with Mephisto. Asmo was in his room, talking on the phone with someone while he did his nails. Beel was in the kitchen, trying to cook dinner and fighting the urge to just eat the ingredients. Belphie was asleep.

Eventually, Beel made his way to Levi's room to check on MC and found her floating face-down in the fish tank. Levi didn't come home until an hour after she was found. He started heading to his room when Lucifer stopped him and called him into the living room. His heart sank when he entered and saw all his brothers sitting around the room. Asmo was crying. Mammon was pretending not to be. The rest of his brothers simply look depressed.

Apparently, MC skipped a bath time while he was gone. She was just so on edge and didn't want to force herself into the water yet. The baby did though. And now they are both gone.

And just like that, the third brother was alone again. Levi locked himself in his room for months after her death, not leaving for school or to even eat. His brothers brought his meals to his room, but he often needed encouragement to eat. The man just wanted to cave into himself and hide away from it all, but the one place he could hide was the same room the human he loved died in... because he wasn't there to comfort her and have her take her bath.

He was so utterly alone. No Henry. No baby. And he felt that he had no one to blame but himself.

Part 2 | Part 3

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me mc #obey me pregnant mc #obey me next gen

587 notes · View notes

valeskakingdom · 3 years

Text

Request

Could I request a part 3? Jerome keeps the reader as his hostage for popularity and attention. Reader is really fond of the attention she gets as well and eventually sleeps with Jerome again? In the end she sees how Galavan kills him and is really sad?

Requested by @violentvaleska

So guys, here's part 5!!

Credit gif: @jokersbabe27

Jerome x female reader (part 5)

Warnings: mentions of violence and murder, depression

Word count: 3378

*Later that day at the charity*

"Already excited for my show, doll?" Jerome grinned through his magician costume. you hated that costume. It hid Jerome's beautiful face with a shitty beard, his hairs were under a stupid wig and a black cylinder. And that tuxedo...gosh, you hated it thought not as much as the wig or the fake beard. The worst on it was his name...'Rodolfo'. You were disgusted by that name.

No magician in that universe would ever call himself like that! It sounds so ridiculous!

"Of course! Though I already know you'll be amazing as always." You smirked pressing a kiss on his cheek "Give them the best show they've ever seen!"

"That ain't be a problem for me" Jerome grinned "Even Hundini wouldn't have seen such a great show." You giggled at his comment.

"Without further ado, please allow me to present you the Great Rodolfo!" Immediately, Jerome walked on stage, everyone was applauding - even you. You were excited for how he was acting as a magician. Of course, you knew he was doing it well anyway. Jerome was professional. He could play every role in this Earth perfectly!

"Ha! Greetings ladies and germs," Jerome walked on stage "I am indeed the Great Rodolfo! Please ogle my lovely assistant. Ohh, for my first act, I'll require a volunteer. Let me see. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose!" Jerome pointed at Bruce Wayne, the richest orphan in Gotham that was hated by every villain - really, everyone wanted to kill him.

"Hello, young man. Does this handsome gentleman have a name?" You heard Jerome saying after she went out to the crowd to bring him back.

"Bruce." The boy responded.

"Bruce! Well, Bruce. This won't hurt a bit." He clapped two great blades together "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Jerome sticked one of the blades in the box along with the other one. The audience gasped, them applauded him.

While watching you were astonished about Jerome's well, acting. Nobody noticed it was him. Neither Bruce nor the other guests recognized anything. Almost unbelievable for you.

"Some people say Bruce has a split personality." Jerome laughed loud while Barbara brought the little kid back to his actual place "For my next illusion, I'd like to call to the stage esteemed Deputy Major Harrison Kane."

Barbara pushed a rolling table, covered with a tarp, forward that it stood in front of Jerome. She pulled the tarp back and you could see any kind of knives laying down there. You were thinking about what was coming next. Is Jerome still playing with him or is he about to kill that guy?

Barbara bended down making the others noticed the next illusion was incoming. But a mistake happened, her mask fell down.

They're fucked!! You thought panicking. If anyone of the guests recognized them, they all would have a big problem. People would call the police, others die, the police finds you and eventually become informed about Theo, as well.

But Barbara kept being professional. Nobody made a move to start panicking or to call the police. Everything stayed normal.

"By the way, nobody is getting out here alive." At first the crowd laughed because they thought he was just joking - of course, he did not. Jerome killed the Deputy and the gunfire started. People were screaming and hiding in hope they weren't the next victim.

You flinched a little in surprise, although you might have expected it. Who would Jerome not kill expect you? He killed his mother, now the Deputy Major...it was just a matter of time to see who was his next victim.

For you, that all was pretty exciting, but also a big feeling of unpleasantness came over you. This situation reminded you of the day Jerome kidnapped you. You had flashbacks. You fear, you uncomfortableness, the nervousness, the wish to go home...everything came back - you knew best how the victims felt right now, and.

And as the last time, something told you that this situation wouldn't turn out well.

You wanted to be with Jerome right now. You just wanted to hug him, you wouldn't care whether he liked it or not, you just needed it.

But you couldn't go to him. You promised him to stay backstage to watch his marvellous show. And you knew, as everyone else knew what would happen if you broke the promise. His mood would change again and you needed to see whether it would turn out well for you or not.

You just stared at your lover. Finally he took the cylinder from his head as the wig, his black mask and the beard. Finally he presented himself again. You couldn't help but smile. You saw him being excited, being happy. He was the star in the show as he was the boss. You loved to see this: him standing there calm and managing everything while around him was pure chaos.

He was so professional you thought.

Out of nowhere, another woman was brought on stage, it was Lee Tompkins.

She was handhuffed, her gaze expressed fear and panicking.

They probably have taken her from behind as she was about to call the cops to tell what was going on.

You saw Jerome gazing at her with a smile - immediately, you hated her. You hated how you Jerome looked at her, how he smiled at her. It looked the same as every time he was smiling at you.

"Hey, darling" You felt shivers down your spine and jealousy came over you as he said that, you hated when Jerome was acting kinda flirty with other women. You always got the feeling they'd be much better than you but you also that your thoughts are wrong "I need to borrow your phone for a moment. We wanna tell Jimbo how the show's going on, don't we?"

And so he called him:

"Sorry Jimbo, it's just little old me!" He said nothing for a moment, then "Are you outside? You are, aren't you?" He cackled" Oh, goody!"

"Breathe, James. I haven't touched a hair on your girlfriend's pretty head." See for yourself. This is live television after all." You heard Jerome laughing after he responded to 'Jimbo'.

Then Jerome and Barbara tied Lee up on that big wheel pretending to shoot her head. It was all to entertain the crowd, to make them love. No one loved though - besides you. You loved their show. It entertained you and you loved to see your lover in action.

"True, but not the point. Hey, let's talk about what I want." Jerome walked down the stage closer to the camera "$47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang's be careful, the man is a crook, and mm, I don't know, a pony. Uh, you got ten minutes or I start killing people. Remember this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, don't let people die. Bye!" Jerome laughed into the phone as he hung up "I think that went well." Jerome looked at you giving you a wink with a smile.

"Enough! You need to pack up your pathetic little sideshow and leave!" You suddenly heard Theo yelling from the other side of the stage. You were confused. What was he doing here? He told them to do this! Or did this still belong to the show?

"Is that right?" Jerome asked with a smirk.

"It may be presumptuous to speak for all citizens of Gotham. But we are sick of you! You're a small, vicious man with a pathetic need for attention. Enough man, for God's sake, enough!"

You were even more confused about Galavan's words. Something was in the bush. In his tower he spoke in high claims of Jerome that he was the star in the show, that he trusted Jerome most that he'll do it. What was wrong now?

"I'm curious what your leverage is here, Mr.?"

"Theo Galavan"

"Well, Mr. Theo Galavan, if you don't sit down, uh, I'm gonna shoot you. In your face."

"I know there is some human decency left in you. If you need a hostage, take me. But let these people go home! To their families, to their children." Before Theo could continue his speech, Barbara knocked him out with a some kind of pan. You giggled for yourself, almost laughed loud. It looked so stupid for you how he fell on the ground. It was like in a real blockbuster.

"Boring" Barbara stated.

"Right" Jerome cackled loudly, then he made his way to you with a big grin in his face. Automatically you grinned, too.

"How do you like the show doll?" Jerome grabbed your hands and pulled you close to him. You felt a slightly blush spreading over your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours. His hands grabbed your cheeks softly to intense the kiss.

"I love it! It's very exciting" You grinned wrapping your arms around his neck while he wrapped his arms around your waist "But I'm much happier about you not wearing this cruel costume anymore. It covered your face, I hated it."

Jerome just chuckled about your comment and kissed your forehead.

"I have an idea," You just raised your brows looking at him in interest "Wanna be the star in my show?"

"Of course I do!" You smiled wide before he pressed his lips against yours quickly, then you both walked out. Gasps filled the room, all eyes were on you. They all knew who you were. You were the missed girl everyone was looking for. They either thought you were dead or that you were left at a lost place. But now you stood there - healthy, happy, self-confident.

"I know what you all think: That's (Y/n)! What is she doing here?! Where has she been?! I tell you all a secret: She was with me all the time." Jerome grabbed your face soft making you giggle "She's gorgeous, isn't she? Always has a pretty smile in her face."

Barbara pulled a next man up on stage positioning right in front of you and handed you a gun. Then she placed an apple on the man's bald.

"You know how to hold a gun, doll?" Jerome grinned wrapping his arms around you from behind. You felt his lips and his warm breathe touched your cheek. It was giving you chills in arousal.

"I'm not that stupid, Jerome." You made sure the gun was loaded. You positioned yourself to keep stable and pointed the gun at the apple. That was what Barbara and Tabitha have taught you over the days you were at Galavan's.

The man in front of you was shivering with wide eyes, his sweat was dripping down his forehead. His eyes expressed fear and you could see he wished you didn't kill him.

"Hold very still." Jerome growled at the man, then he covered his eyes with one hand "I can't look! Someone tell me how it turns out."

You inhaled deeply and concentrated on the apple. But as you pulled the trigger, just water came out and splashed into the old man's face. At that moment, you thought that Jerome jerked you around with tell you time the star.

Jerome just sighed in annoyance grabbing your gun and gave you a new one assuring you that he didn't know the gun was fake.

"Damn! Turn around." The man looked at you in fear and turned around. With his eyes he literally begged you not to shoot or at least to hit the apple. He was about to stop moving as you shot the apple from his head. The crowd gasps in shock and relief that the guy wasn't dead yet.

"Whoo!" Barbara cheered happily. You knew she was proud of you that you didn't blame yourself and missed the apple. You were proud of yourself, too. You shot without hesitation, not even thinking of missing the apple and accidentally shoot the guy.

Every one else kept quiet tho.

"Well, clap!" Jerome shouted kinda aggressively to the crowd - then they did it. Nervously and fast. He laughed slightly pressing a kiss on your cheek "Well done, doll."

"Thank you, Jerome." You grinned. He took the gun out of your hands and placed it on the table with the knives. Then he kept staring at them for a while, you could see he was thinking about something.

"Do you know how to use a knife? Just wondering." Jerome smiled at you.

Before you could answer though, you saw Lee kicked Barbara in the stomach making her grunt.

As Barbara looked up at Lee, you could see fury was written in her face. She was angry, mad...these words just described a very small part of her feeling. It was incredible how much hate a person could express.

You looked at Lee. You could see she didn't give a fuck about her consequences.

"Haven't been ten minutes," Jerome hissed holding Barbara's arm tight that she was unable to stab Lee "We need to buy you a watch." Soon as Jerome turned around back to you Barbara punched Lee in her face. The crowd and you all gasped in surprise. Jerome instead, just looked at you shaking his head in disappointment what made you chuckle.

"Well, I think it's time for tonight's first official victim. You all know and love. Poor rich boy...Parents murdered in an alley, and my favorite volunteer: Where is Bruce Wayne?" Jerome claimed waiting for the little boy's appearance - he didn't come though. Everyone looked around for the boy hoping he would come. They, as you, knew what would happen if he did - someone will die.

"You know, I'm an orphan, too, Bruce? I killed my parents, though." Jerome spoke to the microphone, then stepped away from it "Where are you hiding?"

"Bruce!" Jerome screamed in anger making you flinch a little - you were always surprised about his temper. It came rapidly and was gone after a few seconds "Where are you buddy?!"

"That little kid's afraid of you, Jerome." You giggled wrapping your arms around his torso kinda in hope to calm him down a little. You had no idea his temper could ride that fast. "Give that boy some time to realize how much fun he's gonna have with you."

"We don't have time, right now. We have a plan to follow." Jerome grumbled looking around for Bruce and slightly pushing you away from him. In your eyes, Jerome was a mix of an infant and a monster or the evil itself. His impatience reminded you of a child that didn't get his will. And his eye expression expressed fury, evil and the strong wish to kill the kid. It was fascinating, and almost frightening.

"Kill his butler!"" Barbara suggested.

"Alright, last chance Bruce but it's about to get very butler-brainy out here." Jeromekept looking around. While that, some of Jerome's colleagues grabbed the butler's arms right pushing him forward to Jerome. He was an older tall man in a black tuxedo looking very concerned for the little boy - understandable.

"Brucey!" Jerome yelled looking through the crowd but the boy still didn't appear "I'm bored. Shoot the butler." Jerome turned to you with a grin, not even really paying attention to what was happening around him. He just wanted you.

"Stop!" Bruce claimed panicking and ran fast in front of the stage to his poor butler.

"Let's get this started, huh?" Jerome gasped pulling Bruce back while pointing a gun at his head "You! Check behind the curtain! Make sure no one's playing silly buggers"

One of Jerome's colleagues nodded and walked to the curtain. He moved it aside the entrance, he got shot.

"Drop the knife!" James Gordon shouted pointing a gun at Jerome, but he just laughed and pressed the young Bruce Wayne in front of his body, a sharp blade was pressed on his throat almost cutting his thin skin.

"I don't have a clean shot!" Gordon shouted.

"Stay calm, Bruce." The butler tried to encourage the little boy after he took a gun, as well, pointing it at Jerome. He totally ignored what Gordon said. His mind was all around Bruce.

"It seems like we've got ourselves a pickle." Jerome stopped laughing but pressing a knife against Bruce's throat. "What do you say Brucey boy? Wanna boost our ratings, huh?" Jerome cackled insanely again "Smile."

"I said enough!" All of a sudden Theo appeared behind Jerome. He looked mad, very mad. Again you got that feeling of uncomfortableness. And again you got that feeling that something bad will happen now. You saw it on his gaze. This devilish grin. Something was in the bush.

And you weren't wrong. Shortly after Jerome turned to him slowly, Theo stabbed a knife into his neck.

Everyone gasped in shock, you were the loudest though. You heart dropped, you couldn't move for the moment, your legs became weak, cat got your tongue - you weren't able to breathe normal. You felt poor as you stared at Theo's hand that pressed the knife in Jerome's throat deeper and deeper - and that all right in front of you. Your whole body shivered, you were about to throw up every minute.

Tears built up in your eyes and some even streamed down your cheeks. This couldn't be real, this mustn't be real! You couldn't loose him, not now, not again, not forever.

Things have happened not quite perfect and you were mad at him, you didn't want to be with him, you even hated him for a moment, you were afraid of him... everything. You could say for one moment he was your biggest fear in your life because you were scared he'd kill you every minute, or every time you did something wrong. But that faded, it was forgiven, your love was refreshed. It was stronger than the night you two met for the first time. Your connection was stronger than ever before - you knew you belonged together. Why else did fate decide to let you two meet again? Why else would you fall for him again? Why else did he all you his doll, his girl, his queen? That weren't just words...it was more, a lot more.

You knew Jerome couldn't show love as usual people did, but you knew he loved you. His soft side towards you, him trying to make you smile, him protecting you when Greenwood teased you or harassed you..,that was all real. He didn't act at all!

All the memories came up. His smile, how you two hold a conversation for the first time at the circus, you felt the warmth on you hand again when you remembered how he held your hand. You could feel his arms wrapping around your body, and you could hear him calling you 'doll'.

And all this was gone forever now.

"I know, I know." He pressed Jerome down to the ground "Im so sorry, Jerome. You have real talent. But now you see, the plot thickens. Enter the hero." You saw Theo grinning slightly.

You could kill him for what he has done to him - and to you. He took all your joy away, he ripped your heart in two and three it away that it shattered in thousands of pieces. He had to die in your eyes. He just deserved it. You wanted revenge. You wanted to make him feel what he has done to you. You wanted to make him feel how you felt - sad, broken, shocked.

"I was gonna be.." With his last breath and his last courage, he looked up to you still having a grin in his face. His mouth opened shortly as if he was about to say something to you, but too late.

He was dead - dead as your happiness, your joy, you will to live. Your heart felt so heavy that every beating was exhausting you, as your breathing. The world was spinning around you. You body and your psyche couldn't handle what has happened just a few seconds in front of you.

He died, your love, your everything - your Jerome. And he will never come back.

And you died - inside.

63 notes · View notes

shespeaksinsongs · 3 years

Text

You Are My New Fear | Letters To My Mom

TW: MOMMY ISSUES, MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, AND ANXIETY.

Me in my game room at about five years old.

I wish somebody would have told me that that smile I used to slather onto my face so effortlessly would soon become something I forced. I'm not sure if it would have made a difference, but it's best to be prepared in any case.

"What's your biggest fear?" My elementary best friend asked, kicking her feet giddily under the table. We were still too little to reach the floor.

"Drowning." I'd say, with a panicked look on my face, growing pale at the mere thought of dying that way.

"What are you most afraid of, hija?" My dad asked on our regular morning car rides to school.

"Drowning." I'd say, without even thinking twice. The answer was almost prepared, seeing as how casually it rolled off my tongue.

"What's your biggest fear?" My friend asked in the comfort of her room, watching as I shifted uncomfortably in my spot on her bed.

"Becoming my mother." I'd say wishing that drowning was the most of my worries.

I don't know when my default answer of drowning to death switched to the terrifying idea that I would, one day, become my mother. Still, somewhere along the lines, those little moments that I would suck up to my mom and gift her pretty pictures I spent hours working on and picking daisies from my backyard for her turned into scheduling my crying for nighttime when everyone was asleep.

Slowly but surely, I became uneasy about the idea of marriage, fearing that I'd only ruin it and become a wife like my mother. The idea of having children scared me to the point where I felt I would rather sacrifice my own happiness so that my children wouldn't have to live to see the day I turn into my mom.

Because in my eyes, my mom is a monster. She's not the kind of monster that has big, sharp teeth and scary yellow eyes, and a menacing growl. She's the kind of monster that you would never suspect. She's the bloody hand, but you were the accomplice. She was the screwdriver, but you were the loose screw. Sure, she hurt you, but you let yourself be hurt by her - so really, whose fault was it?

My mom is the kind of monster that uses your vulnerability against you in the worst way possible.

"I'm just not feeling good right now. I feel like I'm dying, and I feel tired all the time." My sixth-grade self, awkwardly positioned in the passenger's seat, turning my head away from my mom.

"Well, you know we care about you." My mom said, stoic in her demeanor and ultimately still in how she held her body up.

It was a day I'll never forget. She picked at her fingernails and anxiously tapped the gas pedal, waiting for me to be done talking about my emotions so she could drive back "home."

Warm tears stung my eyes, forcing their way down my face in slow streams. "You don't get it, I-" I stopped, knowing it wasn't worth it to try to make my mom understand feelings she'd been adamant didn't exist.

"Ay, don't be so dramatic." My mom said, waving her hand up to dismiss me and my silly ideas. She was right. I wasn't depressed or anxious, and I definitely didn't look for any excuse possible to threaten suicide against myself. My mom said so.

I don't know why I kept running back to her in times of need. Maybe it was my dream version of her that I relied on to justify my ever-growing love for her. Feasibly, it was the person I wanted her to be. And perhaps, just perhaps, my expectations of her drove me to the point where I'd convinced myself my mother was the person I saw when I closed my eyes at night.

I remember telling her things, spreading rumors I'd heard about people in the family, hoping that it would make us closer. The things I did just to make her happy...

"Mom, I'm trying my best!" I cried on the floor, cleaning up the mess my new puppy had made. She'd pooped and peed all over the kitchen. I was exhausted, previously knocked out in my bed, when my mom called me downstairs, screaming for me to get my ass down there.

"No, you're not! You never try! You're useless! I should've never had you!" My mom yelled from the bottom of her heart (or lack thereof).

Tears welled in my eyes for the millionth time because of my mother. This wasn't the first time she'd wished me dead, and it sure wouldn't be the last time. "Mommy, please just leave me alone and let me clean up." I begged, letting broken sobs come out of my mouth. I wanted to hurt her, and I wanted to hurt her as bad as she hurt me.

My mom refused to leave, yelling at me, watching as I piteously scraped my dog's contents off the wall.

It's sad that the only good memories I have of my mom are those I couldn't participate in. Instead, I have stories of her youth and how caring of a mother she used to be when I was a baby - conveniently so far back that I can't remember it. It pains me more knowing how she was before she had me, her firstborn. If she were this way her whole life, would I take it so personally?

Am I dramatic for wishing I had a mother who could hug me back when I hugged her? Am I a selfish and pathetic bitch for feeling envy when I see how my friends' moms act with them? Why can't my mom love me the way she loves her? Why does my mom have more pictures of her first niece than she does of me? What did I do to her?

"Mommy, mommy! Look!" I said, running up to my mother, holding my report card in the air like a shiny new toy - all A's.

"Nice job, Fio. I'm so proud of you. You're doing great. Keep it up." My mom said softly, pulling me into a warm hug. Somehow, that was all I needed - that's all I wanted. It really is a shame that that memory is fake.

I have plenty of other fake memories that I store in my head, letting the (also fake) backstories take over my mind when I go to sleep. For one of them, I was romping around on an old swing set, one that made little squeaky noises whenever I swung too high.

Somehow, I lose control of the swing, and my mom comes rushing up to me, worried and begging for me to tell her how she could help. I don't know when or how she got there (my dad was usually the one to take me to the park), but what I do know is she's exactly who I needed there at that moment.

So many real memories I have of me needing my mother most, waiting for the day she would actually turn up in one of them. She was always the first to pick me up in school lines. She was always at my open houses. She attended every grade promotion I had. But she was never there. It was all a facade. She'd said so herself that she craved being the all-star mom, the one who'd win several gold medals if there were award ceremonies for that sort of thing.

Her perfectionism is what makes her corrupt. She has spent my entire life telling me what to do, how to do it, scolding me for not doing it the way she imagined me doing it in her head.

She refused to seek help when that's all I wanted her to do.

"What do you want for your birthday, hija?" My dad asked, glancing at me while keeping his eyes fixed on the road, humming along to a Christmas carol playing on the radio.

"Honestly, dad?" I asked, only twelve years old, my green eyes twinkling in hope.

"Whatever your heart desires." My dad said in a goofy voice, making me smile.

"I want Mom to get help." I said sadly, hoping my dad would agree and push the idea upon my mom.

My mother went to therapy for four months. My dad had to pay her every session for her to go. In my mom's life, money has never been an obstacle. Her father was a middle-high class socialite in Venezuela who worked in engineering and oil companies. Her mother, who passed away of Leukemia when she was twelve, spoiled her rotten until her very last breath.

Eventually, I became mentally sick to the core. Writing and singing, my two favorite things in the world, became hobbies, and life had lost its zesty twang. Little things like music and the people I passed on the street that waved "hello" at me became nuisances. My mom "gave up" her therapy so I could get help.

I still wonder if she did it for herself or for me.

A few times a year, I get asked what my biggest fear is. Sometimes it comes up in conversation. Other times I create the question, not thinking about the consequences if people answer with "Spiders, yours?"

Each time I get asked, I take a deep breath and lie. "The dark." I say now, the idea of death by sea sounding more of tranquility than a travesty.

I look back at the old pictures I have of myself, a smiley and shy little girl who was afraid of nothing and everything at the same time. To her, I ask, "When you have nothing to lose, why be afraid?"

Me, with my baby doll at age three. I loved taking care of her. I used to take her everywhere with me.

#open letter #dear mom hlbutterfly #hlbutterflyoriginal

19 notes · View notes

energyanon · 3 years

Text

Henry Reading Part II

As always, I wrote this in real time, and edited punctuation after. I’ve italicised all of the “placements” names so hopefully it makes more sense for you guys to know what placement i’m talking about. Also keep in mind everytime i move to a next placement its because the energy has said all it needs to with the last person. And also note everytime that anything in the field moves, I have to check in with everything else cause movement means change in the dynamic, and so it’s always good to check in to see what the placements think about that. Guys... it’s a long one but... Im cautiously hopeful at the moment omg.

Placing HC, body, image/status and fans.

HC, body and I/S are standing beside each other in a line. Body was close to HC, then I/S wanted to be on top of him, for energetic reasons I put image next to him instead, wedged between him and body.

Immediately HC just wanted to sit down and relax but felt claustrophobic with everything so close to him. A little anxious, very hot, and off kilter. He wanted to move away from the other two, so I moved him. He’s now in the furthest part of the field, but he is SMOKING hot like I’m BOILING.

Image/status also is feeling a bit off kilter, it keeps swaying one way to the next but heavily leaning towards Body now. Like as if it’s entire gravity is based off of “body”s orbit.

When Image/Status looks at Henry it doesn’t even seem to recognise him. Kind of like a “what are you doing here” and it’s heavily leaning towards body, it has no regard for HC as a human whatsoever.

Body is also a little off kilter but feels like it can’t move or feel anything, and it’s only swaying to each side slightly. There’s a lot of pressure in the throat/lungs. But otherwise body is numb. It doesn’t feel like a living organism it feels like a statue.

Body will not look anywhere besides in front of it and down.

You know what it feels like, it feels like Body is standing in those lines in the military where a captain is walking down and assessing every person there and you have to stand still and silent and wait for this person to assess you and then leave. It’s a very obedient feeling like “I have to stay here and do what I’m told”

It doesn’t feel like it has any freedom whatsoever.

So I’m gonna add Body IMAGE, instead of just Body and see how they interact.

Oh I just remembered I have placed fans but literally none of them are paying any attention to it. So we move on.

Body image is directly in front of Henry. If it could be apart of him it would, but it’s standing in front of him, noses touching.

It feels like a mother (yikes)

It’s telling him he’s not good enough

Hands on hips, it’s very stern.

100% a mother energy. Not a MOTHERLY energy it feels like a stocky woman shorter, has authority over him and he respects it.

I know that sounds like DG, but this is just the “energy” I’m feeling so it could be actual mother or another woman in his life that has this kind of energy. It could also be that females are a heavy influence on his life.

Body Image is Disappointed “you can do better”. it’s looking him straight in the eyes. It’s not happy with him at all, it doesn’t seem to have any compassion for him, it almost feels disgusted, like it shouldn’t have to be wasting it’s time but it is. It also feels like a bit of a bully like if he wants to move it moves with him going “where are you going huh. You stay right here you can’t walk away from me”

Henry

Surprisingly, he isn’t crippled by body image being there it’s more like it’s a nuisance.

Body Image to him feels very military once again, “this is my superior, I have to listen I have to do what it wants, but I’m tired of listening to it. But I’m just gonna stand here and shut up and be as invisible as possible until it does.” Feels very “sir yes sir” to him.

He feels very stuck here but he WANTS to move (that’s great news) he just feels like he can’t while body image is in the way and he’s not gonna try until it’s gone.

When he looks at BODY he’s looking at it forlorn. Like he wants to be United with body, but body is listening to whatever it’s being commanded by and so is he, so neither of them can move.

I got him to look at fans cause I wasn’t feeling anything for them. When he looks at fans he gets instant anxiety but also doesn’t believe he has the time to deal with that right now and he just wants to look over at Body. Anxiety leaves as soon as he stops looking at fans.

There’s a sadness when he looks at Body, almost like he misses a lover. He wants it back. He wants to hug it and tell it that it’s ok, he wants to comfort it. He feels like Body is in a worse place than he is. He thinks Body is struggling. When he looks at status/image he actually has 0 concern he’s just worried about Body.

I moved to fans. Fans feels nothing for the field. Makes sense cause it seems like no one is paying attention to it. I’m taking that to mean that fans doesn’t need to be here. It’s not the issue being dealt with. I’m taking fans out.

Taking note that HC doesn’t seem as unbelievably depressed as he was in the last one but we also have a different set up. But still interesting.

Body:

Body still an absolute statue will not look anywhere but ahead

Status/Image The only movement status wants is to be CLOSER to Body so that they are almost one. I’ve got status/image behind Body, but hugging it from behind. Not in a loving way but it feels connected it feels like that’s where it’s meant to be

Body:

Body immediately feels hot with S/I there behind it. It’s falling back a little but eyes still ahead. Still a statue. Feels… almost comfort with S/I there but it’s not comfort it’s like.. it feels… more stable.. like body doesn’t WANT it there but it’s not going to move and if S/I moved it would almost feel like a loss. It wouldn’t know what to do with itself.

Henry

Now that S/I has moved behind body and is hugging it, HC is panicked, still not moving, still blocked by body image but he’s looking at S/I now, S/I has his full attention.

His first thought was “no please don’t move there” and now he’s just staring at S/I knowing he can do nothing

Ok INTERESTING. He felt the need to draw his attention back to Body and get its attention by YELLING (almost like there’s a chasm between them but they’re actually really close in this constellation) he’s yelling “know your worth” and just that over and over again.

(Which frankly, I’m impressed by).

But Body isn’t listening to him so he just keeps yelling almost desperately? Body image is trying to get his attention but he won’t give it to it.

Body image:

Is annoyed, wants to grab his face and get HC’s eyes back on it. “I own you.”

It’s doing everything it can to get HC to pay attention when his eyes aren’t on it it wants to get abusive.

Like real abusive. Beating him to the ground.

I’ve followed the movement, and HC is on the ground.

It’s crouched over HC now and it’s just belittling him, it’s hammering into him. “Disgusting Pig”. “No one will ever love you what worth do you have.” It’s just laying it on him it’s not kind in anyway, it’s so horrible.

Henry:

Ok this is interesting cause I go back to Henry and I assumed he would be absolutely hurt by this but he’s not.

The feeling is that of an abused kid whose just had enough but can’t leave their parents just yet. like it hurts him emotionally but it’s more of a wince, he’s used to it, and he’s numb to the rest of it. He’s saying to Body image “let me go. Please.” “Please leave me alone you’ve made your point”

There again is almost that feeling of crying but it’s just the base of the emotion it’s not enough to get watery eyes.

Oh. That would make sense.

The good news is that HC doesn’t feel absolutely crippled by this.. he just feels like he’s stuck in an abusive relationship and he knows that he’s stronger than it, and whenever it says he’s disgusting he knows that he’s not. He keeps reiterating that to himself and saying that to body image, but it’s conflicting because he’s also too tired to get up and leave and fully believe it. It’s like eventually the abuse from Body Image wears him down and he knows even if he gets up and fights back it’s just gonna be there the next day wearing him down again.

Ah.

That energy has passed now, he’s sitting back up. He’s still blocked by Body image which is now sitting in front of him, still so close its touching. But Henry is breathing heavy as if he was just in a fight. And this feeling is similar to the last reading, the absolute hopelessness not knowing what to do, deep sighs feeling lost. Disassociating. Just.. over it.

Body:

Ok now body is looking at Henry and it feels so sad over what just transpired and it wants to comfort him but it doesn’t want to piss off body image.

It’s now looking forlorn at HC. And Body finally wants to move away from status/image.

I moved it to where it wanted to be - the edge of the field. And it’s turned around facing status/image and it’s defiant. “You don’t own me”

Body isn’t angry, it’s just defiant and protective. If S/I takes one more step body will bark at it like a ferocious dog. That’s the feeling.

Body is staring S/I down.

Status/Image

S/I didn’t feel anything about Body doing that it just went “ok. I’ll move myself somewhere else then” with a bitchy little smirk.

And placed itself in front of Body image and in between it and HC.

And now status is sitting too. All three of them. Sitting.

Status/image feels like it’s good friends with Body Image.

Henry: With that move, Henry now feels like he’s behind a wall.

A giant Ass brick wall and he can’t see anything beyond it.

Another deep sigh. He’s sick of it.

He’s so tired.

Body Image: Body image feels like S/I is almost like a daughter to it. It’s much younger but it likes status/image there.. in a really mean way, like it keeps looking at HC like 😏 see? How are you going to escape us. And wants to pat S/I’s head.

Body:

Body can’t seem to notice anything around it it’s almost like everything has vanished now because the other three are behind a brick wall and that wall is absolutely invisible to body. Body is just looking around like “well fuck.”

It feels like it has nothing to do now.

(Controversial……. I’m going to place HC’s younger self..)

Younger Self HC

HC’s younger self has placed himself in front of body but further away, he’s shaking and anxious looking at Body. Body feels like it is looming and intimidating but little HC still wants to be friends but not sure how. He’s holding himself like a shy little boy. Head is kind of ducked. And he can’t quite look at Body in the eye. Body needs to make the first move

Body: Body very hesitantly made the first move and knelt in front of little HC. It was kind to him but in a pitying kind of way. It said “hello little one”

And just knelt there. Little HC gave body a hug, and body couldn’t reciprocate its the feeling of when an adult has something devastating and sad to tell the child but hasn’t told him just yet.

Little Henry

Hesitantly hugging Body. Very awkward it’s taking a while to get used to being this close to body.

But when he does get used to it, body feels very warm, very motherly. It feels like a motherly hug.

Still even then the crying feeling is BASE level, not getting watery eyes or anything.

(I need to find where the basis of where this lack of crying is or it’s going to drive me insane.)

I’m leaving it there, as HC has accepted where he is atm, even if it’s behind a wall, he has the same feelings as he did in the last reading, I can’t get those to go away without a constellation, but I felt like there was movement with young HC and body bonding and having a little cuddle.

That’s some healing movement right there

OOO actually let me check how HC feels about young him and body making a nice little movement like that.

Henry:

OH!!!!!?

Ok the brick wall feels like glass now, he can see through it. But he’s got a little smile on his face seeing little him and body having a hug.

He feels like he may be stuck here but at least that happened?

He feels a lot more hopeful and alive than he did the last time I checked on him in this reading.

Awake too.

He doesn’t feel like the two in front of him are even blocking him anymore. Like they are but he feels like he could sneak away..

but he just doesn’t want to just yet he’s too tired he can’t be bothered, but he’s feeling MUCH better now.

He feels hopeful

And that makes him happy. And that’s finally where I will end it.

Guys OMG. POSITIVE MOVEMENT!!!! WE GOT IT!! Note: Ok, I didn’t move tiny henry. tiny henry moved HIMSELF. That’s HC’s little inner self making MOVEMENT. I didn’t facilitate that, that was where the energy wanted to go all on it’s own.

Which is PHENOMENAL AND WONDERFUL NEWS?!?!? Also I have left little HC and Body hugging for the moment cause I feel like that needs to fully integrate. Small movements but HUGE.

#HC #reading

18 notes · View notes

missdawnandherdusk · 4 years

Text

Monster

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

Again is this what you came for?

You paid for?

To watch somebody burn and crumble and stumble

Then fumble all my words and let you twist them and listen

To all the ugly things you tell me I am

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Summary: Things go from bad to worse. Not all stories have happy endings, and it would be stupid to only read the ones that did. You and Draco learn that the only way to fight prevailing evil is unconditional love.... but can you two manage?

A/n: I’d like to formally apologize right now for how much this is going to hurt all of you because... oh boy. This gets really angsty and depressing and I’d like to remind you that Draco actually had to go through all of this alone. Sure, JKR does a lot of fucked up shit, but what she did to Draco Malfoy, I will never forgive her for. She lost my respect even before she said what she did on Twitter. But as I said before: watch me save Draco Malfoy. (P.S. If you haven’t listened to Special by Gabbie Hanna or watched the music video, I highly recommend it and then crying over it because Draco Malfoy man)

Draco paced his room, scattering his possession in his fury. His room shredded once more. What had he done? What had he said? What had just happened?

“You have some nerve showing up here,” He heard his mother hiss from downstairs.

For a moment, he thought it might be you, and false hope fluttered in his chest. Wiping away his tears, he slipped your locket into his pocket and stood. Snapping his fingers, his room started to put itself back together as it pained him to remember the first time you had done that spell for him.

Now you were gone.

He let you walk away. He said the cruelest things to you. He watched you break in front of him at his own hand. He broke his promise.

“Where is she!?” Your mother’s voice demanded from downstairs. “I know she’s here!”

Draco frowned, his thoughts spinning on a dime. Why was your mother looking for you? Wouldn’t that be the first place you ran to? Fear and panic struck his chest. Were you hurt? Did you need help? His anxiety turned back to fury.

“What do you mean where is she!?” Draco snarled, leaning over the banister. “She’s gone! No thanks to you!”

“What your tongue boy,” Your mother snarled. For a fleeting moment he saw the same fire in her eyes that resided in yours when you fought him. He dismissed the thought.

“No,” He glared, defiant. “You did this! You took her from me! She thinks I always knew! She thinks that I’ve kept it from her for years!” He descended the stairs, hurling the accusations at your mother. “She idolized you! She loved you! And you manipulated her! You manipulated me!”

“I did what I had to do,” Your mother said coolly.

“You lied to your daughter! You made her think you liked me! That you approved! And for a moment I believed it too!” He spat.

“Draco, what are you talking about?” His mother asked, coming to stand beside him.

“She gave me Y/n’s father’s wand for Christmas and told me what really happened.” He took a sharp breath in. “She never told Y/n the truth. She made me do it. She tricked me into doing it so that Y/n would hate me.” He was seething fury as he realized just how deep this treachery went.

“I had to protect her from you, but she figured it out too,” Your mother sputtered. “You Malfoys are all the same, I had to protect her!”

“No.” His mother spoke up, her voice like glass shards. “He is nothing like Lucius. The only one acting like him around here is you,” Drawing her wand, he watched his mother put a full body bind on yours without an ounce of pity. “How dare you manipulate my son! How dare you make him give up the one girl he’s ever loved! You have no idea what you’ve done!” There were tears in his mother’s eyes. He had never seen his mother cry before.

Her eyes met his.

“Go. Find her. Bring her home.”

He flew up the stairs, grabbing his wand and cloak and broomstick, racing off into the night. He had no idea where to start looking for you. If you weren’t at home and you weren’t with him, he didn’t have an inkling to where you would go. As Pinnae you could be anywhere.

Panicked, he started to scan the landscape below him for any sign that you would actually try to come back here. There was no sign of you.

His thoughts raced out of control believing that you could be in serious trouble, or worse, taken by the Dark Lord. That would be his luck at this point. There was one thing that gave him hope: you knew that he never meant to hurt you with the truth about both of your fathers.

His wand, tucked in his robe pocket, began to grow warm until it almost burned him. Drawing it, he realized that he had picked up your father’s wand, not his own. It hummed in his hand, he wondered if your mother lied about the wand wanting to protect you as it responded to him.

Silvery streams emerged from the end... the residue of a Patronus.

He couldn’t cast a Patronus at any other time let alone now. He was hopeless and angry and scared.

But he had to find you before a Death Eater did. Before Voldemort did. Before his aunt did.

“Expecto Patronum!” He roared, thinking of how much he needed you.

A silver roaring lion burst forth from the wand.

“Oh, you’ve got to be bloody joking,” Draco muttered and watched the Patronus leap to the ground and race off in a direction that held no consequence to him. But he trusted that it would lead him to you.

He raced into the city, watching the glowing lion soar over the rooftops before stopping at a home of no consequence to him. Draco dropped to the street, veiled under darkness. His Patronus paced anxiously along the small path to the door of the house.

__________________________

“Y/n?” A familiar voice called my name and I dared to look up.

“Abby?” I squeaked.

“Merlin Y/n!” She rushed to my side, wrapping her arms around me. “You’ve had us worried sick!”

“Us?” I asked, wiping away my tears.

“Our mothers and me,” She answered, and I scowled.

With a shaky voice I explained to Abby what had happened. About Draco and my fight, then the confrontation between my mother and me. It was almost easier when I retold it. It seemed less real.

“Lucius killed my father,” I said the words again, and they were just as heavy on my lips. My eyes falling on the gravestone. “I’ve lost... everyone, Abby,”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Abby scoffed gently, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Everyone? Really? I didn’t know your life began and ended with Draco Malfoy,” There was a soft smile on her face.

I gaped at her and the words set in. I didn’t really lose everyone. Not even close. She right there beside me. And I thought of her parents, and Pansy, and Ernie, and Luna... My life didn’t begin and end with Draco—no mistake, he was a very nice part of it—and though it might have begun with my mother, it didn’t end there either.

“And I know, between Draco and Pansy, we haven’t hung out as much as we used to. And I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but you haven’t lost me Y/n,” She wrapped me into a hug, and I clung to her. “I’d still give anything for you. Hufflepuffs for life,”

I let out a hopeless laugh, pulling away from our hug.

“He probably hates me. I should have stopped and listened...” I confessed the sad truth. “Maybe he’s right... I run away to my stories and ignore reality,”

“Those stories have kept you alive,” Abby encouraged. “They’ve kept you going in the midst of reality.” She took my hand. “So, how about we try again and find a new story?”

I nodded, smiling and feeling better. Something was pacified in my chest. It still hurt, sure, but there was a comfort that I wasn’t alone any longer. That I could try again. That I could take the next step.

“Come on,” Abby stood. “Let’s get out of here,”

I nodded and took her hand, finding my balance. She grabbed her broomstick and there was a silent question in her eyes: was I going to ride or fly? I smiled and we both boarded the broomstick and flew back toward the outskirts of London to a town house I knew well.

Crashed on Abby’s bed—after Abby gave a quick run-down of what was happening to her parents—I rubbed my face and finally felt myself relax for the first time tonight. The familiarity of Abby’s roomed calmed me and her comforting words—reminding me that I wasn’t alone— now covered me like a blanket.

Just like when we were kids, Abby and I curled up in her bed and watched the stars peer over the rooftops of London as the glow in the dark sticker stars smiled at us from the ceiling.

________________________________

Draco rang the doorbell and was met with a stranger with the same piercing eyes that your best friend had.

“She said you might find your way here,” Mr. Bones smiled. “Come on in son,”

“Is she here? Y/n?” His voice was quick and panicked.

“Asleep upstairs. Both girls are,” Abby’s father locked the door behind him.

Draco stood, rigid, not sure what to do. He wanted to see you more than anything. He wanted to know that you were okay. He wanted to apologize and plead for forgiveness and hold you close until everything was secure... but if you were asleep, he knew you needed it. So, he could wait. Mr. Bones led him into a sitting room, and he felt like he was being scrutinized.

“Now, from what I understand, you have been through quite a lot recently,” Draco nodded at his words, clenching his jaw. “And though I am not your father, I am here for you. My wife and I both are. This is a safe place for you, as it always has been for Y/n and Abby.”

That caught Draco by surprise. Surely, he knew of what his father had done. Of what he had done. If you had spoken with him, then he knew a lot more than most. And yet, those were the first words offered to him by a stranger who didn’t know him from Adam. Draco was welcomed in this small home? He didn’t understand it.

“I know this road isn’t easy for you either.” Abby’s father sighed, not noting Draco’s bafflement. “You are aware of what is coming, more than I will ever understand,” His tone was sympathetic. “And I fear that I cannot change what has happened or what will come, but I can encourage you and offer some guidance if you are willing to listen,”

Draco nodded mutely, a strange feeling growing in his chest. Now that he was over the shock of the situation... something else settled within him. It was kin to the one he felt around his friends and perhaps his mother... but this was different. This was new.

“Draco, son, from what I’ve heard from the girls, tonight was difficult between you and Y/n. She is like a daughter to me as much as Abby is, and though I would love to protect her as such, I know that you perhaps need me a bit more.” Abby’s father offered a kind smile.

“Though I cannot step into your shoes, I can only imagine that you are upset because you had no choice in what happened tonight, or the information that you were given, and yet the fault and responsibility was laid on your shoulders. And therefore, you lashed out with angry words in fear, and it’s understandable. But you must remember why you were afraid, of why you were angry.”

Draco nodded and looked down at his hands. The strange feeling in his chest grew a bit more and his hands began to shake slightly as his eyes stung with unshed tears. For the first time in his life someone blatantly said they understood why he has such a sharp tongue. It was a strange feeling of relief. But it went deeper, Draco was challenged to think of something he never had before: why was he scared and angry?

“I can’t pretend to think that you’ve had a proper view on what love should be from those around you,” Draco’s eyes flashed up, his internal monologue pausing, about to protest but Mr. Bones held a hand up, stopping him. “I understand that you may love Y/n, and I do not deny it, but love is so much more than you will ever believe,” Mr. Bones pressed on.

“So, you both lashed out—I cannot place all of the blame on you, I know Y/n can be a bit hot headed when she’s angry,” There was a soft reminiscent smile on the wizard’s face. “You lashed out because your love was being threatened.”

There it was.

The realization washed over him. Of course, it made sense as to why he lashed out. Of why he said those unforgivable things. That was the reason he never found to the question he never asked. He left like his love was being threatened. His love for his parents, his love for the life they had given him. His love for you, his love for the second chance you had given him at life. He lashed out in anger and fear because he loved... and maybe he loved too much... too fiercely that ended up getting him into trouble.

“But love, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects. Always trusts, and always hopes...” Mr. Bones sounded like he was quoting something, melancholy in his voice. “Knowledge... it’s important. The truth just as much so. Words are said, but they’re forgotten with time... but love prevails despite it all,”

Draco wanted to believe in that sort of love. A selfless unconditional love that could forgive him, but what evidence did he have that it could exist?

He stopped the depressing thought and truly began to think, picking up his early train of thought. You were unconditional when you held him that night his father was sent to Azkaban. Abby was selfless when she trusted him enough to be alone with you and didn’t mind that he took up a lot of your time. Pansy’s defense of him was always unconditional, no matter if he was right or wrong, even before he had you. His mother loved him and his father despite the abuse she suffered over the years and refused to leave his side even now.

And before him, Mr. Bones, Abby’s father, a man who married a muggle, invited him into his home in the middle of the night, sat him down, and gave him advice. Good advice. A man who kept you safe and loved you like a daughter. A man who held no hesitancy in calling him son or extending the same protection over him as well. A man he had met maybe ten minutes ago.

Draco could believe in that sort of love.

____________________________

Padding down the stairs half-awake in the morning, it was still dark, and the sun hadn’t had a chance to rise yet. Abby’s parents were both awake: Abby’s mom was a teacher, having already left for her muggle school, and Abby’s father worked for the Ministry. Abby herself was still fast asleep when my body decided that it was awake.

I nearly had a heart attack when I looked up and Draco was causally sharing a cup of coffee with Abby’s dad like he’d been doing it his entire life. His hair was a mess—as it always was in the morning, but there was the same sleepy smile on his lips.

Then he caught sight of me and dropped his mug. It shattered on the floor and he jumped cursing. Abby’s father laughed and easily cleaned up the mess with magic and I might have giggled too.

“Hey,” I offered softly, going into the kitchen getting two new mugs from the cupboard and making us both coffees.

“Good morning,” His voice was a bit shaky as he leaned against the counter. I offered him his mug and took a sip of my own.

“So... look, I’m sorry about—”

“I’m sorry about what—”

We both tripped over the other’s words, then I started to chuckle, and Draco dissolved into laughter beside me. It was a sad, hopeful sort of laughter that held yearning and forgiveness. He took my hands and in his gentle voice, he began again.

“I lashed out in anger and fear. And I said some awful things to you. And I’m very sorry,” His blue eyes seemed to hold the world in them. “Forgive me?”

“If you can forgive me,” My eyes watered as I looked up at him. “I should have stopped and listened and I’m sorry,”

He wrapped me in his arms, and though, I knew that my life didn’t begin and end with Draco, it was still nice to have him be a part of my life. It was like a part of me had come home. Now that we were together and everything was more or less settled between us, I didn’t feel alone at all anymore.

He withdrew from the hug and reached for his coffee, but I grabbed his arm.

“Have you slept at all?” I narrowed my eyes at him. His lack of response gave me my answer.

I went to the cabinet over the stove and pulled out a vial. I glanced to Abby’s dad and he nodded in permission and I gave it to Draco.

“You need to sleep,” I pressed.

“Do you just know where everything is here?” He mused, taking the vial.

“Draco,” I chided, noting his sudden change of subject.

“I know, I know. But I... I’d like to be able to sleep in my own bed,” The confession was almost guilty.

“Then we go back to the Manor,” I took his free hand. “You need to take care of yourself.”

“But what about you and—”

“It’ll still be waiting when you’ve woken up,” I smiled and took a deep breath. “Can Abby come with us?” I looked around Draco to her dad.

“I think this is something that you two need to do alone. Abby will be available; all you need to do is send a Patronus message.” He smiled. “Let her sleep though,”

“But I can’t—” I started to explain that neither of us could cast a Patronus to send a message.

“I can,” Draco blurted out.

My attention turned to him, a shocked look on my face.

“You can what now?”

“I... I can cast a Patronus?” He admitted sheepishly, like I was going to yell at him. “I picked up your father’s wand on accident, when I left to find you,” He still wasn’t daring to look at me. “I... I was frantic thinking that maybe they got you... and the wand just... I cast a Patronus, and it led me to you,”

“The wand... and you... and... wow.” My mind processed all of the information. “So, I guess the wand really is yours,”

I wasn’t as upset about the ordeal as I was last night. In fact, I felt better knowing that my father’s wand was in good hands and that it had helped Draco find and protect me. Maybe my father was watching over me after all. The thought made me smile.

“Y/n, wait, no,” Draco fumbled. “You can have it back, you were right—”

“Hey,” I called softly. “It’s alright. The wand belongs to you. He would want you to have it,” I smiled. “Wand lore is a finicky subject, and a wand’s loyalty even more so... but I do believe in my father’s spirit, and I do believe that that wand found its way to you for a reason. Even if the methods were... questionable.” I decided. “I would like my locket back though, if you don’t mind.” A warm smile grew on my lips as I held out my hand.

Draco reached into his pocket and carefully slipped the necklace into my hand and I took a moment to fasten it around my neck, the familiar weight soothing me.

Abby’s dad led us to the hearth and took out the box of Floo Powder.

“Maybe I should go first,” Draco caught my hand. “Just in case. I’ll come back and let you know if it’s alright or not,”

I nodded and watched him grab the powder and with practiced ease, clearly state Malfoy Manor. I waited anxiously for his return my mind started to draw up worst case sceneries, then another part of my mind telling the former to shut up.

“Thank you, for everything,” I smiled and hugged Abby’s dad. “It might not seem like it, but it means the world to him, what you did.”

“I’m glad I could help darling, let me know if you two ever need anything at all,” He smiled as Draco reappeared in the hearth.

“Come on,” Draco smiled and we both were whisked away to the Manor.

Narcissa greeted us as we stepped into the grand living room. She gathered Draco into a hug, and then pulled me into her embrace as well. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, an unspoken promise passing between us as we hugged. Draco and I headed upstairs without another word.

I watched him toe off his shoes and head to an en suite bathroom to change, and after a while I heard the shower running. His room was a bit different in the daylight. My things were still in the corner and everything seemed a bit too neat. I could hear the words echo off the walls that were said less than twelve hours ago... it felt like a lifetime ago.

I picked up Draco’s copy of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and smiled when the dandelion greeted me on the page that I had underlined over a year ago.

“Don’t you have that memorized by now?” His voice was soft and playful. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him in sweats and messy damp hair.

“Not entirely,” I quipped back, setting the book down.

He gathered me into his arms carefully as I glanced around the room. It had such a strong scent of just him that I relaxed easily. With the curtains drawn, it was as dark as it had been the night before, save the bedside lamp. Crawling under the cover of his bed, we curled up together as we had done so many times before. Draco’s eyes had a hard time staying open and never really opened completely.

“It’s a lion,” He mumbled out.

“What’s a lion?” I asked, running my hand through his damp silvery hair.

“My Patronus.”

A small chuckle escaped my lips.

“Oh, what would Harry say?” I teased softly. “Or your father?”

“I don’t really give a damn,”

I laughed again and continued to card through his hair. I remembered that he had told me that I was cute when I was half awake and I understood, because a half-awake Draco was precious. He didn’t curse too often, but the word just slipped out almost naturally, like he didn’t have a care in the world.

After a while his eyes didn’t open again, and his breathing evened out. I tried to sleep; I really did. But I couldn’t. I picked up the book from the bedside table and began to read once more. The hours slipped by, my eyes becoming heavier.

When I opened my eyes again, I was extremely stiff. Without thinking I stretched my arms and heard a muffled grumble from Draco who I had just dislodged from his curled-up position next to me.

“Sorry,” I ruffed his hair as an apology and slipped out of bed, stretching completely this time.

“What time is it?” His grumpy voice mumbled.

“Uh, I think a little after six?” I squinted at the clock on the wall. “Yeah, that’s how clocks work,”

“Our sleep schedules are so screwed.” Draco sat up and rubbed his face, groaning.

“Well, we’ll take a Sleeping Potion later and everything will be fixed,” I said, not so optimistic that that would be the course of action in a few hours.

We headed downstairs where dinner was laid out on the dining room table. Narcissa was eating quietly, nose in a book. She looked up when we both hovered by the door.

“Good morning sleeping beauties,” She teased lightly and gestured to the food laid for us. We ate in silence, still not fully awake.

Draco was right, our sleep schedules were screwed. It was about ten and the stars had come out to play and we were both still wide awake. Narcissa had bid us goodnight not too long ago and Draco and I were out on the grounds, the moon and our wands lighting our way.

“You’re going to forgive her, aren’t you?” Draco asked softly. “Your mother.”

I hummed in acknowledgement and couldn’t deny that I had been toying with the idea. On the one hand, she was my mother but at the same time, she hurt me deeply and she hurt the one that I loved.

“Forgive... I think so. But it won’t ever be the same again...” I whispered to the gravel path under our feet.

Draco took my hand and stood in front of me, his other hand tilting my chin back softly.

“You know I’d do anything to keep you safe, right?” He murmured softly.

“Of course,” I replied reaching up and stroking his cheek. “But we’ve never faced anything like this before,”

“And we need to plan, because I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not live in constant fear without some idea of what to do,”

I nodded. “So, what were you thinking?”

“Well, I’ve more or less organized our problems,” He admitted sheepishly. “I was hoping that you might have some solutions,”

“Well, what problems do we have?” I nudged his side as we sat on the soft grass under an apple tree on the outskirt of the Manor. Fireflies danced around us. It seemed almost surreal, to talk of such darkness and evil in the midst of beauty. Like something sacred was being tread upon.

“In forefront,” He began. “Would be my aunt. She is still quite taken with my mother, and though my mother has shown her disdain for Bellatrix... she’s obsessed with the family name. And she won’t be too keen on you with me. I thank the stars you’re a pureblood, but...”

“In her eyes, I’m a blood traitor,” I mused, resting my chin on my knees. “Yeah... and a Hufflepuff,” A giggle left my lips despite it all. “How ridiculous that seems now... a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin,”

Draco rolled his eyes and chuckled. “But I think my mother has something that might help, but it would be asking a lot...”

“I think we’re a bit passed being hesitant around what we ask of another,” I pointed out.

“Maybe so,” He sighed. “But I want you to know that I wish it would all go away, and we could be normal teenagers and not have to worry about a war... and I’d give anything for that,”

I looked up at him. His face was pressed into a cold, somber mask as he looked off to the stars in the sky.

“I know, I do too.” I acknowledged. “But... this is what we have... a war. Reality,” He flinched at the word.

“Sorry,” I mended. “Bad choice of words.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for saying those things to you,” He admitted softly. I sighed softly and intertwined me fingers with his, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I think that comes with time,” I shrugged softly. “Forgiving ourselves of what we’ve done... learning to love what we see in the mirror,” A quiet moment passed. “You know I forgive you right? For that night?”

He nodded, moping. I smiled because it was so like him to do and I was happy to know that even though it all, Draco was still there, underneath all the fear and worry.

“So, Bellatrix,” I took a deep breath. “You said your mom might have an answer?” He nodded. “Okay, next problem?”

“The Dark Lord,”

“I think that’s everyone’s problem Dray,” I drawled and pouted at the flat look he gave me.

“He’s going to come for me. I know it. Because my father failed him... and because it seems like I’ve been marked for it since birth...” He rubbed his face, hiding in his hands. “I don’t know what he’s going to want from me but... I’m terrified that he’s going to make me take the Mark,”

“You think he’ll make you?” I squeaked, trying to keep my voice even. “I thought he was selective about his inner circle?”

“I think he’ll do it just to punish my father, regardless if he wants me or not,” That was the sad truth of the matter.

I nodded and thought a moment.

“Then we can talk to Snape... he should know something that could help us... and I guess your mother would have an idea because she went through it with your father...” I paused. “I’ve never really looked into Dark Magic before...”

Draco gaped at me.

“Are you hearing yourself!?” He demanded, standing and pacing away from me. “You... you can’t look into Dark Magic. I... I won’t let you,” His voice was shaky.

I rose, nearly stumbling and caught myself.

“Draco, we don’t have a lot of options here,” I pressed.

“But you can’t!” He almost roared.

“And why not!?” I shot back.

“Because I need you to be my sunshine! I need you to stay pure and good! I need that!” Tears streamed down his face. “I need you to be my fairytale that I can run to,”

Whatever I was about to say to him fell from my lips. My heart about shattered as I took a careful step towards him. He didn’t back away from me, so I took that as a good sign.

“Draco,” My voice was soft. “I will always be your sunshine, but I won’t leave you to walk through this alone. I said it was stupid, but I am a Hufflepuff. I believe in kindness and good and always will, but ignorance is dangerous. It’s the difference from being harmless and peaceful,”

I reached out and took his hand. His shoulder shook softly with tears. I tilted his chin back and wiped them away.

“There,” I whispered, smiling. “Problem solved,”

He laughed at my poor excuse for a joke and curled his arms around me.

“Any other problems?” I teased lightly.

“Loads,” He mused back. “But... they’ll come in their own time I suppose.”

____________________________________

“Mother,” Draco spoke softly. “I think it’s time that you took Y/n to Paris,”

“Paris?” You squeaked. “Like Paris, Paris? This is your solution to Bellatrix?”

“Yes darling,” Draco cooed softly, smiling. “If you’re going to be by my side through all of this, and you’d like to be protected from Bellatrix, well, you need to look like a proper Malfoy,”

You gawked up at him, something shining in your eyes. He could see the excitement growing and wondered if you ever had anything new or designer before. Recalling your cutoffs and t- shirts, he thought maybe not.

“But I can’t ask this from you guys,” You fumbled turning to his mother. “Really, it’s a nice gesture but,”

“Think nothing of it dear,” Narcissa fluttered her hand. “Draco is correct, if you’re going to get through this, you need to look like a Malfoy.” She rose and set down her book. “Shall we then?”

“Wait,” You pulled Draco’s hand. “Abby will actually kill me if she doesn’t come,”

“Of course,” Narcissa smiled.

“Should I feel this ridiculous?” You walked out of the fitting room for what seemed like the hundredth time and Draco’s heart still skipped a beat.

He couldn’t deny, though he loved you in your casual clothes, seeing you formal and proper did something else to him. The ladies in the shops all fawned over you and your beauty and fluttered around with about twenty new things for you to try on each time you found one thing you liked.

“Yes,” Draco smiled smugly. “But you get used to it,”

“Isn’t this all a bit much?” You looked down at your jet-black dress that hugged you in all of the right places and the pair of high stilettos and sheer tights that were paired with it. “I get keeping up appearances but how the hell am I supposed to walk around Hogwarts in these?”

“Balance Charm,” Narcissa chimed in. “But you may be right, you are still going to have to attend school,” His mother switched to French, “Maybe something a bit more casual. Not as tight. She needs range of motion,”

“You’re still getting that dress, right?” Abby peeked out from the other dressing room curtain.

“Yes,” Both you and Draco answered at the same time, both turning varying shades of red.

Before either of you could make the situation worse, the associates of the store pulled you back into the fitting rooms, yelling at you in French and he laughed because he knew you had no idea what they were telling you. With an entire new wardrobe—that you pulled him away from the register before you could hear the total—you looked like you had walked out of a high fashion catalogue.

Sure, you were in something simpler—a deep green flowing high-waisted skirt and a black blouse with pearl earrings and necklace, still in the same heels you complained about earlier— but Draco couldn’t stop looking at you. Nor could he stop himself from finding your reflection in the shop windows and feeling a bit satisfied about how well you fit by his side.

Abby bid you a goodbye after lunch and pestered you about taking pictures of everything else you bought. You laughed and didn’t exactly promise anything, but there was something hidden in your eyes. After a while you relaxed and really started to branch out. Choosing things that you were interested in, and not looking so nervous—like you were going to break whatever you touched.

“She really is lovely,” His mother spoke softly in French. “I’m so glad you have her through all of this,”

Draco nodded and watched your fingers run over the soft fabric of new dress robes that were the same deep green as the dress you wore to the Solstice Ball the summer prior. How things had changed since then.

Draco was sure that he had seen it all, and that you couldn’t get any more perfect and beautiful, but Merlin was he wrong. His mother shooed him out of one salon and told him to wait outside. He did, not without rolling his eyes, however.

You emerged, looking at him expectantly. Though your hair was still short, it was neat and not the normal disarray that occurred when you ran your hand through it to keep it from your eyes. Your face looked as if it had been airbrushed, a light pink to your cheeks and a deep red to your lips that invited him in. You noticed him noticing you and the pink on your cheeks deepened.

Yet, he still missed something about you that held summer days, and reading in the sun, and muggle t-shirts and bare feet.

“Y-you look lovely,” He stammered out.

You blinked at him. “What?”

His mother laughed and placed her hands on your shoulders.

“He said you look lovely,” She rolled her eyes at her son. “And to think you still know French after all this time,”

Draco realized his mistake and turned pink.

“I didn’t know you knew French,” You took his arm and walked with him down the Parisian street.

“Mother taught me,” He explained. “I thought I had lost touch with it, but apparently not,”

After returning to the Manor, his mother took you away for a moment and left Draco to his thoughts. The big house didn’t seem so cold and empty anymore now that you had made a home here. Your echoes and ghosts danced through the room that he walked into.

________________________________

“Narcissa, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve given me,” I sat beside her in the smaller sitting room.

“Nor I, you my dear,” She smiled. “I understand what went down between you and your mother, and I truly am sorry.”

My eyes flickered to the floor, studying the Persian rug beneath my feet.

“And after everything that you have done for this family, and for my son, I extend an invitation for you to have a home here. Many things are coming for the both of you, and I think it would rest easier on you both, as well as my own heart, if you were close and safe.”

“Mrs. Malfoy—I... I can’t. That’s too much,”

“It is just enough,” She nearly scolded.

My eyes met hers and I tried to figure out what I should do. Did she mean that she wanted me to stay? Would the Malfoy Manor be my new home? Could I give it all up and stay?

Then I thought, what was I giving up and what was I gaining?

“I’ll stay,” I smiled.

“Wonderful,” She stood and drew me into a hug. “Now, I know that you and Draco are both concerned about my sister, and perhaps I am as well, but, for right now, I wish nothing more for you and Draco to have these last few moments to be kids,” She stroked my hair softly. “So do not fret darling, not now,”

I nodded, knowing that her words were easier said than done. But I tried anyway.

Draco and I spent the next few weeks together as we had the summer before. I read to him, we walked the grounds, he played the piano for me, I spent some of the days flying as Pinnae with Draco flying on his broom beside me, Abby and Pansy came over, we practiced magic and defense spells, I read up on Dark Magic, Draco tried to stop me from doing that, we went swimming in the lake in the wood, I pestered Draco until I achieved making him speak French for me—the language not...

Anyway.

It became a new sort of normal. I had written to my mother and we were on speaking terms, but I had boundaries now. I wouldn’t let her hurt me again like she had before. Slowly my books started arriving from my mother as well as most of my other belongings until I had my own room at the Manor filled with my books and other possessions. A room that was heavily enchanted so that only I or Draco could enter.

Though I read to Draco most days, and sometimes Narcissa would stay in and listen—she was gone most days, meeting her sister at other locations trying to keep her from the Manor—there was something to be said about the silk that fell from Draco’s lips on the rare occasion he read to me.

We were a tangle of limbs and blankets one night and he took the book from my hands after my words began to slur too much for his liking. Setting the book side, he chose another form my pile and opening the book, he began to read:

“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'

So, she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

His voice was as honey when he read. He wove together the story in my mind taking my hand and pulling me further and further into the tale. I was lost, my hand in his. Down the rabbit-hole and into a wonderland.

Dawn filtered in through the curtains and I woke up meeting silvery blue eyes continuing to read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I shifted, scooting up and laying my head on his shoulder, letting him know that I was awake.

“Morning,” he greeted softly. “Did I wake you?”

I shook my head softly and slipped my eyes shut.

“Do you want me to read aloud?” He pondered; his voice soft.

“If you want,” I yawned.

That was the last day it seemed that we had to ourselves. Darkness spread that night. An evil that no one could deny nor escape. And it came for Draco and me.

Draco was asleep beside me and I read the end of Dante’s Inferno wondering why I had even started to read it in the first place. The tragedy offered me no comfort. The light from the bedside table was snuffed out, plunging me into total darkness. I drew my wand, trying to cast a lighting charm, but my voice didn’t seem to work.

“So, you thought you could hide from me, young one?” The voice was sinister and made my blood turn to ice.

“Bellatrix,” I whispered, my eyes adjusting, catching sight of the deranged witch.

“Come quietly little pet,” Bellatrix smiled manically. “No need to wake the young prince,”

I looked down on Draco, who was sleeping so soundly. There was not a fear nor worry on his face. He was at amity.

“Wouldn’t want to ruin his moment of peace, now would we?” She purred. “Don’t worry, The Dark Lord has plans for him too,”

I squeezed my eyes shut and carefully extracted myself from Draco’s grasp, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before turning to Bellatrix.

“Just don’t hurt him,” I begged softly.

“That is not for you to bargain,” Bellatrix snapped, grabbing my arm violently, ripping the wand from my hand.

I felt the familiar pull of Apperating and was in the middle of a forest that held no consequence to me surrounded by hooded figures. I wanted to crumple to the ground and cry again. Couldn’t I have just one moment of safety?

“No, my dear I think not,” A raspy voice purred.

The hooded figures turned and dipped their head in reverence to this voice. This thing. This monster.

“You,” Fear froze me into place.

Bellatrix pulled my hair and I felt a sharp blade run across chest. I let out a sharp cry.

“You will speak with respect to The Dark Lord,” She hissed into my ear, throwing me down.

“Me,” His smile was wicked, his red snake like eyes seeing straight through me. “You should consider yourself quite honored, not many have the privilege of meeting me,”

“So, you’re going to kill me then? To get to Draco?” I hissed, surprisingly courageous for the given situation.

“Quite courageous indeed,” Voldemort mused. “And yet you are nothing but a Hufflepuff. Weak. Kind,” He sneered the word. “Favoring fair play?” The Death Eaters jeered around us. “The world isn’t fair, my pet,”

“I’m aware,” I narrowed my eyes at him, pulling myself up. The cut on my collar began to sting and burn. I covered it with my hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

Again, his crimson eyes delved deep into my psyche, peering at me as if I were something to be studied.

“It seems you might,” He took a step closer to me. “But you truly have no idea, do you?”

It felt like I was being ripped from my mind and placed somewhere else. A room I knew well, the foyer of the Manor. A man I had only seen in photos was bloodied and bruised on the floor.

“Please, please,” He rasped. “Please, I have a child, Lucius,”

Tears sprung into my eyes. I reached out to my father, trying to comfort him, but my hand passed through him, as I were a ghost.

At wand point, I stood between my father and Lucius, greeting a cold stare that I loathed. This was the man that had hurt the people I loved. First my father, then my mother, then Draco.

Voldemort’s claw like hands snatched me out of the way and gripped my neck and waist, forcing me to watch what I knew was coming. I found myself not able to look away, even though my muscles screamed to, my body would not respond.

“See where love gets you? What happens?” He hissed over the sound of my father’s screams and a bright green flash.

I was released and crumpled to the ground.

“Then your mother... she was supposed to love you. Didn’t turn out so well either did it?” Voldemort laughed as did the others around me. I hung my head, tears streaming silently.

“Just kill me,” I whispered. “And be done,”

“But where is the fun if we don’t break you first?” Voldemort mused. “It’s one thing to kill, another to watch someone be utterly destroyed when then realize that everything they believed in was nothing more than a fairytale. To be so impossibly wrong that it extinguishes you.”

“How have I been wrong?” I snapped, looking up.

“Watch your tongue!” Bellatrix shouted, casting a curse sending me reeling in pain. I didn’t even notice that I was screaming.

“Now, now dear Bella,” The Dark Lord chided. “She does not know to whom she speaks. Her ignorance is no reason to punish her,”

The pain stopped.

“Your utter blind belief in love however,” Voldemort smiled maliciously. “That is something to break,”

“You can’t break that,” I gasped out. “You can break my body, and my mind, and maybe my spirit, but not my love,”

“But my dear, who do you have to love? Your father is dead. Your mother betrayed you. Your friends? Where are they now?”

“Draco,” I rasped out. “I love him.”

“He does not belong to you,” Voldemort laughed. “He is mine and has been since the moment he was born, you foolish girl.”

“Yes, I am a foolish girl,” I refuted, drawing up on my arms. “I love him, and he loves me! And you cannot break that, not with a thousand swords, and you cannot track that! Not with a thousand spells,” I stood on shaky feet.

The pain that exploded in my chest had me back on the ground writhing in pain. In utter agony. Every cell was being burned alive as they seemed to unattached themselves from the other. I felt myself being ripped apart and unmade by the universe.

“Stop,” I heard faintly. “We need her alive, for now,”

_____________________________

When Draco woke, inky blackness surrounded him. He was alone in bed, even though knew you were beside him when he fell asleep. You book was thrown unceremoniously to the floor. Fear gripped his heart.

When he rose, he found your wand discarded on the ground. Anxiety and terror began to grow in his chest. Dressing quickly, he hurried downstairs and found the Manor completely empty. He called for you, but there was no answer.

Come and join us young Malfoy, A dreadful voice hissed.

Without a second thought he plunged into the darkness of the night, desperate to find you.

Desperate to make sure that you were still alive.

Draco rushed into the circle of dark cloaks, coming face to face with Voldemort. He didn’t care though, he just wanted to find you. His eyes fell to the forest floor and he almost collapsed in relief that you were alive, cowering on the ground. His aunt’s wand was trained on you, and he could see the deep gashes along your skin. Blood mingled with dirt.

“Young Draco!” Voldemort called, a wicked smile on his face. “What an unparalleled delight, I had rather hoped you come,”

There was a snickering that rose from the Death Eaters around him.

“Free her,” Draco snarled. “Do what you want to me, but let her go,” His voice was cutting, like his father’s. “She has no hand in this,”

He heard your feeble voice try to protest, but you were silenced when Bellatrix raised her wand, not even having to cast a spell. The Dark Lord laughed.

“Your lover makes a passionate plea,” Voldemort knelt down beside you, gripping your chin with his claw like hands. “Perhaps you haven’t been lying and he truly does love you,” He threw you to the ground, where you didn’t get back up again.

Draco’s blood boiled as Voldemort faced him.

“You have become weak like your father. He failed me and now I will punish him by taking you.” The Dark Lord stalked closer to him. “You will join me. You will take my mark. You will execute a task for me,”

Draco held his head high and squared his shoulders, his eyes not leaving your unmoving form. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t care. He had to keep you alive.

“If you refuse,” The Dark Lord chuckled. “She dies, and you become mine anyway,”

You lifted your head, your large round eyes meeting his, almost no light left in them. He couldn’t bear to think of any moment when the light was completely gone from them. He understood his father a bit more.

“I will join you,” Draco breathed out. “My loyalty is yours,”

“Very good!” Voldemort clasped his hands together. “I hope you will not disappoint me like your father.”

“I am not my father,” Draco hissed.

________________________________

I watched as black robes and masks surrounded Draco, one holding his shoulders, one forcing out his left arm and another yanking his hair so that his head was raised and trained on the Dark Lord. Crazed fear was written on his features as he locked eyes with Voldemort who drew his wand.

Hopeless cries left my lips at the sight, my eyes wet with unshed tears. Bellatrix dampened her foot on my arm as means to quiet me. I bit my lip, trying to hold back a scream.

Then a hopelessness settled over me, pure darkness and evil that took away every inkling of love and faith that I possessed. Despite the utter despair, I kept my eyes trained on Draco. I wouldn’t abandon him. Not now. He wouldn’t be alone.

The darkness coiled like a snake, slithering from Voldemort’s wand and bound Draco’s arm. There was a chanting that I didn’t understand the meaning of. Trembling words left Draco’s lips in the same ancient chant.

A piercing sound tore through me. It was worse than the darkness. It was worse than hopelessness. Draco’s desperate screams of agony shattered me to my core. I covered my ears with my hands despite the pain from the broken bones and deep gashes. It was nothing in comparison to the pain that Draco’s shrieks punctured my heart.

Then it was over.

A chill washed over me. I dared to open my eyes and lowered my hands from my ears.

The mass of black robes had vanished. Draco was kneeling on the ground not yards from me, shaking. His head was bowed, his hands grasping at the dirt.

I pulled myself up and dragged myself over to him. Part of me marveled that I was still alive.

“What did they do to you?” Draco’s voice shook as he lifted his right hand and stroked my hair.

“I’m fine,” I rasped, wincing as I sat up. “Draco,”

“Don’t.” He breathed out. “Just...”

I nodded and pulled up next to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I could see the deep dark etching on his skin of the Dark Mark. It burned my heart that it was there to save me.

“Let’s go home?” I whimpered.

“Y/n, you... you shouldn’t... I’m not...” He stammered out.

“You just took that to save my life,” I reached up and lifted his chin; his blue haunted eyes met mine, filled with hopelessness and despair. “Hell, if I’m going anywhere,”

He nodded and pulled me into his arms. Drawing his wand—my father’s wand—from his blazer he whispered a soft spell and my wounds started to undo themselves. I felt my strength returning and my hand mending itself. I flexed it and the pain was gone.

“Dray,”

He shook his head.

“No, you’re going to hear this,” I took his face in my hands. “Thank you. Thank you for what you did for me.” Stroking his cheek softly I pressed my lips to his softly. “I love you,”

There was a loud crack and Draco and I flinched until there was a familiar tear streaked face.

“Mother?” Draco rasped.

“Oh Draco,” She rushed and knelt beside us. “I’m so sorry, they wouldn’t let me be here, I would have,” Her hands brushed through his hair in the same delicate way mine did.

I leaned away and let them have their moment. Then she reached out for me, tears glistening in her eyes as her hand stroked my face.

“I am in your debt once again my dear,” She whispered. “You were there for him when I couldn’t be,”

“It’s all my fault,” I sniffed. “He did it to save me, he... he was gonna kill me.”

“I know, but the fault does not rest with you.” Narcissa pulled us both close. “Let’s go home you two,”

My mind seemed to go numb and onto autopilot. Draco and I carried another back to the Manor and back up the stairs to his room. His mother started to draw a bath, the sweet scents sending a calming aura that had no effect on Draco or me. Narcissa left a jar of cream on the counter and stroked his cheek softly and squeezed my hand before leaving us alone.

With shaky hands I unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it from his shoulders. Silent tears fell down both of our faces. Somehow, we managed to end up in the silky water together. His hands, trembling and unsure, unhurriedly washed the dirt and blood from my skin. I reached out, taking his left hand and turning it palm up, gazing upon the gruesome mark that was left.

A sob wracked through Draco’s frame as he pulled his arm away and curled in on himself, weeping.

I had been wrong.

I could be shattered.

I could be broken.

I stretched out, my quivering hand resting on his arm and a broken cry left my lips.

For once in my life I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how to fix this or what next step to take. I was scared and felt estranged. For the first time in my life I was angry with the universe because why had it come to this? What had either of us done so wrong to deserve this?

It sent me into tears and panic. Draco eventually pulled me into his arms, and I clung to him, as we both broke down on each other. Dawn glittered in through the window, but darkness still loomed over us like a heavy cloud.

I don’t remember curling up in his bed, but I found myself there anyway.

Neither of us attempted to sleep. We knew that it was a lost cause. I came to my senses when I noticed that Draco was raking his nails along his forearm, in a feeble attempt to clear the skin of the dark ink.

“Draco,” I chided, taking his hand, pulling it from the irritated skin.

He jerked away from my touch and rolled over in his bed, facing away from me. I tried to shove down the rejection that spread through my chest and rose from the bed. Padding softly to the bathroom, I took the jar that Narcissa had left, understanding its purpose.

I knelt down beside Draco, my hand extended in a silent question. His tear-filled eyes barely met mine but when they did, he gave in. The cream in the jar was a soft white color and it tingled on my fingertips. Carefully, I smeared it over the Mark, gauging Draco’s reaction. He was stoic. The redness around the Mark began to fade and it seemed that the mark itself began to fade into the skin.

Setting the jar on the bedside table, I stood.

“Do... do you want me to stay?” The words were unsure from my mouth. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, and I didn’t know what to do.

“Sunshine,” Was all he got out.

I nodded, understanding, thinking to the night in early summer. Burrowed in his arms, we both clung to one another, saying nothing, but meaning everything. This was what we had been waiting for. And now it was here.

“We... He’s... He’s in my head,” Draco rasped out. “I can hear him... he... fuck, Y/n, he... he wants me to kill Dumbledore,” He voice broke. “That’s my task, that’s...”

Impossible, I wanted to finish, but I didn’t.

...........................

Our O.W.L. results came in and I couldn’t find a smile to give when I saw that we both passed with the highest marks. Jobs after Hogwarts seemed so impossible. Almost trivial.

Draco and I did sit and talk about his trial.

“Is there a way to get someone else into Hogwarts to do it?” I looked up from a book of cursed objects. “I’m sure Bellatrix would love to do it...”

“It has to be me,” He snapped and rubbed his face. “But we are going to need a distraction so that we can... I can do it.”

I took his hand and laid my head on his shoulder. We both agreed only spending one hour a day on plans for his trial. The rest of the time we desperately tried to escape it all. We spent quite a bit of time in Paris. Draco took me to the Louvre, and we walked along the Seine.

Abby and Pansy noticed immediately the deep bruise like shadows that lingered under our eyes from sleepless nights when they arrived to spend an afternoon with us. They never asked, but I could see the glances exchanged between them.

Abby pulled me aside one day and finally asked.

“It’s not my secret Abby,” I whispered softly. “I just... I really need you to remind me it’s okay, because I need to do that for Draco and I’m slipping Abby,” Tears stung my eyes.

Gathered into her arms, I broke down into tears again, gripping at her shirt.

“I... I was there... The Dark Lord... he... I watched my dad die Abby... He made me...” I sobbed out. “It’s all I see when I close my eyes,”

She stiffened, not saying anything. Stroking my hair softly, she just held me. Some part of me wished that it was my mother that was holding me and telling me it was alright, but I knew that it never could be.

“We’re gonna kill this son of a bitch, you hear me?” Abby took my shoulders. “We’re going to make sure that he pays for what he’s done. If that means getting along with Potter, then so be it, but we’re going to make him pay,”

I nodded and wiped away my tears, smiling for the first time in maybe a week.

____________________________

Your legs were draped across his lap as you read to him. Maybe it was stupid, but you were reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe again, and despite it all, it comforted him.

“I wish there was a wardrobe that could just transport the others into Hogwarts. It would make our distraction a lot easier.” You paused reading, thinking aloud.

He frowned, and something sounded familiar in your words. He gently set your legs in front of you and stood, his fingers trailing the spines of book that surrounded the two of you.

“Dray?” You stood, you hand resting on his shoulder.

“I knew there was something familiar about that book,” He murmured, selecting an ancient book from the shelf, scanning the index then flipping to the proper page. “Here, vanishing cabinets. They were common in the first Wizarding War... they created a passage between two cabinets.”

You took the book from his hands and your hour had begun.

“There’s one at Hogwarts, I... I remember George saying something about it...” You murmured, scribbling in your notebook.

“Weasley?” Draco raised an eyebrow.

You nodded and looked up. “If we could only find it... and another on the outside.”

“The Room of Requirement?” He pondered. “If it were anywhere...”

“It would be there.” A smile reached your lips and his.

Maybe this wasn’t completely hopeless.

“We can check Borgin and Burke’s,” His mother suggested after your epiphany was shared. “They have a lot of old artifacts and relics. We can go tomorrow. Draco needs to be fitted for new robes anyway, and your book lists have come in,”

You two nodded, his hand in yours.

The next day the three of you headed to Diagon Alley. It was one of the first times that you had been on his arm in the Wizarding World looking like a Malfoy, and he couldn’t help but smile at how effortless and beautiful you made it seem.

While being fitted for his new robes, Draco was becoming very irritated and he looked to you for constant comfort because he was breaking down inside. There was so much fear that someone would accuse him of being a Death Eater, that he would be taken to Azkaban, that he would be torn from you.

“Bloody hell, doesn’t he have a life?” You muttered, your eyes drawing his to a boy with messy black hair and piercing green eyes.

Both Ron and Harry stood with their wands drawn, and Draco took a small step in front of you, glaring the golden boy down, sneering.

“Now I don’t want wands drawn in my shop,” Madam Malkin scolded. His mother stood, standing between him and the trio.

“Put those away,” she said coldly to Harry and Ron. “If you attack my son or Miss Y/n again, I shall ensure that it is the last thing you ever do.”

“Really?” said Harry, taking a step forward. “Going to get a few Death Eater pals to do us in, are you?”

Draco had to stop a smile from curling onto his face. If only Harry knew exactly who he was dealing with now.

Madam Malkin squealed and clutched at her heart. “Really, you shouldn’t accuse—dangerous thing to say—wands away, please!”

But Harry didn’t lower his wand. Draco’s mother gave a twisted and cold smile.

“I see that being Dumbledore’s favorite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter. But Dumbledore won’t always be there to protect you.” Not after Draco finished his trail.

Harry looked mockingly all around the shop. “Wow . . . look at that . . . he’s not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!”

Draco’s blood boiled and now you were standing, your wand out. His hand went out to stop you protectively as he glared Harry down.

“Don’t you dare talk to my mother like that, Potter!” He snarled.

“It’s all right, Draco,” His mother pressed her lips into a tight line. “The boy is ignorant. We cannot blame him for that,”

Harry raised his wand higher. Draco clenched his fist, knowing that you were holding his wand at the moment. He wished that you would hand it over, but maybe, it was for the best that you didn’t.

“Get lost Harry,” Your voice came in strong and cold. “You’re not going to do anything, and we have better things to do than entertain your pettiness.”

“You’re worse than he is,” Harry spat. “What would Cedric say, if he knew?”

You went rigid under Draco’s touch. He growled at Potter and his friends. Granger was trying to pull Harry away, and Ron was dumbfounded, baffled that Harry would say something like that.

“It’s easy to love those who are good to you isn’t it?” You hissed. “But you will never understand unconditional love,”

Your hand intertwined with his as you turned your back on Harry and his friends and Draco could see your resolve crumbling. Harry had made a low blow by bringing up Cedric and Harry would pay for hurting you like that.

“Come,” His mother decided. “We’ll go elsewhere,”

Draco ignored the tittering from Madam Malkin as he pulled you close to his side and walked out of the shop with you, his mother not far behind. Immediately he pulled you into a tight embrace and your arms wrapped around him.

“I’m so sorry darling,” He whispered softly. “Harry will pay for that,” You nodded into his shoulder.

He stroked your cheek softly and you nuzzled into is touch a small smile touching your lips.

“It’s a shame,” You whispered. “You looked really handsome in those robes,”

He chuckled. “If she stuck me with another pin, I was going to lose it,” He admitted.

Walking along Diagon Alley, you waved at Hagrid, smiling. He seemed quite surprised to see you with Draco but offered a nod and hesitant smile.

“Mother,” Draco gave his mother a knowing look.

It was time for him to go into Borgin and Burke’s alone. You slipped him his wand back and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” You whispered. “Especially with Potter around,”

He nodded begrudgingly and took off towards Knockturn Alley. Fate seemed to be on his side when Borgin confirmed that he did have another Vanishing Cabinet in the shop. The only issue was that the one at Hogwarts was damaged by the information that Abby had given to you.

Borgin insisted that he see the cabinet, but Draco refused. It had to stay put for this to work.

“Well, without seeing it, I must say it will be a very difficult job, perhaps impossible. I couldn’t guarantee anything.”

“No?” Draco mused, a menacing smile upon his face. “Perhaps this will make you more confident.”

He hated that it came to this, but he revealed his Dark Mark to the shop owner and watched the fear come into the eyes of Borgin. He rather that no one know of what had happened to him and loathed that it had to be a bargaining chip when he’d rather be rid of the wretched thing.

“Tell anyone,” Draco hissed, “and there will be retribution. You know Fenrir Greyback? He’s a family friend. He’ll be dropping in from time to time to make sure you’re giving the problem your full attention.”

It was another part of your plan. You said insurance would be important and Draco agreed. He knew Greyback would be the best insurance that anyone could offer.

“There will be no need for —”

“I’ll decide that,” He snapped. “Well, I’d better be off. And don’t forget to keep that one safe, I’ll need it.”

“Perhaps you’d like to take it now?”

“No, of course I wouldn’t, you stupid little man, how would I look carrying that down the street? Just don’t sell it.”

“Of course, not . . . sir.” Borgin bowed to him, as he once did to his father and it twisted Draco’s insides so much that he barely was able to keep his charade up.

Draco quickly stalked out of Knockturn Alley and back into your arms. You looked to him, expectant and he nodded. Guilt tore through him as relief flooded your features. He hated doing this to you. Making you walk this dark path with him, but he had no idea how he would manage it without you.

That night he curled up on your chest and your hands absent-mindedly ran through his hair. You were humming some sort of lullaby that he couldn’t quite place, but it was a repetitive tune for you over the past few weeks—something that you were clinging to.

“My dad... he used to sing it, it’s muggle I think...” You explained when he asked. “And then my mother did... when I had nightmares.” Your face fell a bit. “You reminded me of it when you called me your sunshine,”

Sure enough, when he did draw the few lyrics you remembered from your lips, it was very fitting. Soon, the lullaby became a comfort for you both.

A ray of sunshine in the middle of darkness.

Chapter 7

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87@artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald@chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi@katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur@belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie@xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte@braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypottah@atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck@beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde@iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread@atomicwonderlandmentality @okaydraco @the–queen-of-hell @langdonzvoid @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing@tulippings @thestressedprincess @sunflowerxsadnessw @caps-wilsonn @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake@fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @okaydraco@strawberriesonsummer @ughjjloveme @honeymarvel @gaysludge@cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl@peters-legos @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo@wollymalfoy @lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox@slothgirl22 @peachesandpinks @riathearora @monimillion

481 notes · View notes

jenonctcity · 4 years

Text

My Ending - Part 1

Differences – Na Jaemin

Part of the Bad Boy Series.

Badboy!Au, Streetracer!Au

Disclaimer: This is going to be a very dark themed story, please do not read if you are triggered easily by the mentioned subjects in the warnings.

I recommend reading Jeno’s story first so that it’s easier for you to understand the timeline and plot of this story.

Warnings: Minor Character Death, Mention of Suicide Attempts, Mental Health Issues (Depression and Anxiety), Mentions of Drug Use/Overdose, Mention of Drug Addiction Effecting Baby After Birth.

Word Count: 5k

Jaemin was used to living his life in black and white. His whole life had always been a mix of muggy grey, never having experienced enough positive emotion for a long enough period that flecks of colour could mix into his greyscale life. Of course he had happy moments, excited moments, moments of enthusiasm, and moments of hope. He wasn’t a robot. But he found that it was the sad moments, fearful moments, moments of anxiety, and moments of anger that outweighed all other emotions and lead his world to darken in colour. It all started when he was born. Born to a drug addict mother, and a father who had long since ran away from the responsibilities of raising a child. He had been born a month early with his body uncontrollably shaking, his body craving the heroin that his mother had been shooting when she was carrying him. He had been taken from her immediately and his grandmother on his fathers’ side had stepped up to take on the responsibility of raising the precious, underdeveloped baby.

The first few years of Jaemin’s life had been rough. He was significantly smaller than most of the children his age, and he didn’t start walking until he was two years old, almost a year later than he should have, and he had such a low immune system that he was constantly falling ill and being taken in and out of hospital. It was a tough challenge for his grandmother, but she adored her little miracle and did everything she could to keep him alive and happy. They’d hoped that Jaemin’s growth would catch up with him by the time he started school, but their hopes didn’t pan out, and he was still much smaller than all of the other children. On top of that, he struggled to keep up with the level of learning and was picked on by the other children for his tiny frame, lack of knowledge, and also, lack of parents. His teenage years weren’t much better. Even though he soon caught up with everybody in the height and education department, it wasn’t the bullying that bothered him anymore, it was the emotional scars that sat inside of his head like a poisonous fog, taunting him like those kids had through all of his school years.

He couldn’t understand why his mother had done what she’d done, and why she didn’t love him in the way a mother should love her son. He had seen his mother so little that he could count each encounter on one of his hands. Which is why as he walked back into the apartment, wearing his suit and holding the funeral programme that had a picture of his mother on the front, he felt numb. He let out a soft sigh as he sat down on the sofa beside Jeno, chucking the papers onto the coffee table in front of him and running a hand through his blond hair as he tried to gather his thoughts. Jeno didn’t physically react to Jaemin’s arrival apart from letting a soft smile tug at the corners of his lips. After a silence of five minutes with Jaemin just started absentmindedly into thin air, Jeno spoke up.

“How did it go?” Jeno’s voice was soft, his head still facing towards the quiet television as reruns of spongebob played.

“How did you know it was me?” Jaemin glanced at his blind friend, raising an eyebrow and trying not to put too much amusement in his tone, not feeling like he should be joking around after being to his mother’s funeral.

“Haechan is in his room, and Renjun is out picking Jiyeon up. I heard the door open and couldn’t hear Jiyeon shouting for one of her uncles so I just did the mystery solving and figured out it would be you.” He shrugged, a weak laugh vibrating off of his chest before he sighed. “You didn’t answer my question Jaem.” Jaemin sighed once more, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs and resting his head back against the sofa.

“It was fine…” He couldn’t quite pinpoint the feelings rushing around inside of him. He felt anger, sadness, a dash of regret, but mostly relief. Anger because he was angry that she never made a proper effort with him, just brushing him aside and acting as if the drugs she owned were her precious child rather than the actual baby she’d made and given birth to. Sadness because he could never make amends with her and have the bond that most mothers and sons have. Regret because he knew once he hit the age of sixteen and was able to make sensible decisions for himself, he could have been the one to make the effort. And relief because he knew he didn’t have to spend nights worrying if the money he had sent his mother was being used to buy drugs instead of keeping food in her mouth. Relief because she couldn’t hurt herself anymore. Relief because the reason his depression was gone. Not that she took his mental health problems with her to the grave, but it gave Jaemin a horribly sick satisfaction that he could only diagnose as revenge. Which made him want to weep at how his brain could even think of something as horrid at that. Jaemin felt awful that he was thankful for Jeno’s blindness, so that he couldn’t see the tears that dribbled down his cheeks, silent sobs for the mother he spent so many nights crying over as a child, wishing for the mother he never had.

“Are you sure? It’s okay not to be okay.” Jaemin wanted to squeeze Jeno for how sweet the boy was being, but he just let out a huff of a laugh and wiped his tears away. He glanced down at his hands, gulping back the lump in his throat as his mind drifted to the nervous breakdown that Jeno had experienced only a week prior. Jeno had hit his breaking point and had expressed how much he worries about Jaemin, because of Jaemin’s previous failed suicide attempts that had clearly chipped away at Jeno’s mental stability. Jaemin felt the pit in his stomach he usually got when he was at his lowest mentally, but he didn’t want to pile more worries onto Jeno’s plate, so he faked a smile, despite Jeno’s lack of sight, it was more for himself than anyone else. Besides, it had been over two years since Jaemin had last attempted to take his own life, and he felt like he’d moved on from that stage of his life. He hoped.

“I’m fine, you haven’t got to worry about me.”

“Okay, because my kid is going to need its Uncle Nana to be a happy bastard not a moody bastard.” Jeno let out an amused laugh, trying to lighten the tone. It worked, the thought of Jeno’s unborn child bringing a big smile to his face.

“Uncle Nana is going to be its favourite per-” Jaemin was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket. He fished it out of his blazer pocket and answered it quickly when he saw the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Mr Na?” An unfamiliar male voice sounded through the phone, the voice calm and deep.

“It is.”

“I’m just calling to inform you that your grandmother has had a fall, the paramedics are with her now and the carer who was there when it happened is still there. I’ve been told that there hasn’t been any extensive damage, but I thought it would be best to let you know, as you’re the emergency contact.” Jaemin felt his world almost crumble in on him for a moment, the words about her not having much damage cooled him down slightly, but the panicked fire burning in his stomach was still very much alight.

“Okay, thank you for letting me know.” He hung up the call and gulped down the fireball of anxiety blazing in his throat. He was on his feet before he knew it, digging his keys out of his pocket. “My grandma fell over; I’ll be back soon.” He mumbled to Jeno, his mind foggy so he didn’t even hear Jeno’s gasp and quick ‘Is she okay!?’ before he was out of the door, sprinting down the stairs, and practically jumping into his car. He didn’t even look at the speed he was driving at because he didn’t care, all he cared about was seeing his grandmother and confirming the man on the phones statement that she was okay. He stopped out the front of her house and ran to the door, letting himself in with shaky hands and looking at the paramedics as they packed up their stuff in the entranceway.

“I’m her grandson, is she okay?!” His words came out so fast that the paramedic he’d aimed the question at almost didn’t understand what he’d said. “Is she?!” He repeated, a sheen of sweat on his forehead from his panic.

“She is, son,” The male paramedic addressed Jaemin, giving him a calming smile and pat on the arm. “We’ve given her some pain medication, and she’ll have a large bruise on her hip, but she didn’t fall hard enough to break anything. She’s just gone to sleep; I would leave it a little while before you disturb her though.” Jaemin nodded along, taking in all of the information with a small sigh of relief.

“Okay, thank you so much for taking care of her.” They bid their goodbyes and left, shutting the door behind them as Jaemin made his way into the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway, his eyes trained on you stood by the kitchen sink with your back to him, wearing what looked like hospital scrubs over the tops of a long-sleeved floral top. Your shoulders were shaking gently as you let out all of your emotions, having assumed you were now alone in the house seeing as you heard the front door shut. Jaemin cleared his throat, causing you to squeal in surprise and turn around fast, a spatula that you’d grabbed out of the washing up bowl now in your hand being held up as a weapon.

“Who are you?!” Your eyes were wide, and if it wasn’t so comical, Jaemin would have been absolutely speechless from how stunning he found your features. He had an amused smile on his face as he quickly held his hands up in surrender.

“My name is Jaemin, I’m the grandson! Please don’t…spatula me.” You sighed in relief, lowering the spatula onto the drying rack. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I apologise.” He stepped forward, giving you a small bow. You bowed back and smiled politely, trying to ignore the heat that flooded your cheeks from the embarrassing encounter, also he was gorgeous, and it took you by surprise. You suddenly remembered your wet cheeks, using the back of your hand to wipe your tears away. “Are you okay?”

“Apology accepted, I’m (Y/N), I’m fine…it was just, really…hard to watch you know?” You nodded, sending him a weak smile with a quick nod. He tilted his head and poked his tongue into his cheek in thought.

“You’re my grandma’s carer?” He took a seat at the dining table, fiddling with the tablemat as he kept his eyes on you. The more you looked at him, the more you recognised him from the photos that were dotted around the house. He looked a lot different though, more mature and with more tattoos. One of the tattoos that you noticed were the roman numerals vertically written on his neck, just underneath his left ear, you were curious as to what the number was and to what it meant. He looked handsome in his suit, and you wondered what the occasion was as to why he was wearing such formal wear.

“I am, I haven’t seen you here before…she talks about you a lot.”

“All good things I hope.” He chuckled, giving you a cheeky wink. You felt the wink inside of your stomach and giggled nervously.

“She adores you!” You sat opposite him at the table, brushing some of your hair behind your ear as you thought about all the stories, she’d told you over the past few months that you’d been one of her carers. “I’m surprised I haven’t bumped into you before; she says you visit her a lot.” You furrowed your eyebrows, not being able to understand why you hadn’t seen him in person before.

“I usually visit in the evening times, but I have met a few of the other carers who stop by.” You were only one of the carers from the company who stopped by her house daily. Jaemin was incredibly thankful to the people who took care of his grandma when he couldn’t. He had moved out of her house on his own accord just after Jeno was arrested. He knew he was getting too much of a burden on his grandma, coming home late, throwing up on the carpet when he was too drunk and scaring her when he would admit to being high. And for good reason, considering how he was born addicted to heroin. But despite how much shit Jaemin had gone through in his life, he’d promised his grandmother that he’d never consume heroin. He didn’t want his grandma to be stressed over him, so when the opportunity came about to move in with his friends, he snatched it up as soon as he could. A year after moving out, his grandma stopped being able to get around as much as she could before, and the simplest of tasks got too much for her. So Jaemin took it upon him to hire a carer company to come in throughout the day and cook her meals, wash her clothes, and keep her house tidy. He felt bad that he couldn’t do it himself, but with his dodgy job, he either didn’t have the time, or didn’t want anything bad to happen which could be traced back to his grandma’s house. He dealt with a lot of dangerous people in illegal street racing, and he couldn’t risk his grandmother’s life, that’s why his visits were scarce and in the evening times when it was less likely he was being tracked by anyone. “I must say, you’re definitely the beautiful one.” He winked shamelessly, causing your face to flush. You had to stop yourself from letting out a whine at the compliment, not used to being complimented like that by men you’d only just met.

“Thank you.” A smile tugged at your lips, your hands coming to rest on your hot cheeks. Jaemin smirked and bit his bottom lip, his eyes flicking over your face subtly as he checked you out. You felt your phone ding in your pocket, signifying that you had finished your time at that house and had to move onto the next. “Oh, I have to get going. It was nice meeting you.” You jumped up from the table, grabbing your jacket from the coat rack by the front door and slipping it on. Jaemin followed you and dug his hands into his pockets.

“Likewise.” He opened the door for you and motioned for you to go through first. “I should get going anyway.” He had a race tonight and he needed to get himself ready for it, mentally and physically. He locked the door behind you both and walked down the path to his car. You paused, your mouth popping open as you laid eyes on his expensive looking car.

“Woah…is that yours?!” You almost squeaked, your eyes flicking from the Navy-Blue Mustang Shelby GT350, back to Jaemin. He looked very proud, his posture straightening out and a wide smile on his face.

“Yep!”

“Woooow…” You looked over at your own car, it was super cheap, and you were probably the fifth owner of the run-down looking thing. “It a lot nicer than mine.” You laughed awkwardly, getting out your key to unlock the door, you put your key in the hole and jiggled it around, trying desperately to unlock the old piece of crap. The door almost flew open after you’d succeeded in opening it, and Jaemin smiled kindly at you. “Anyway, see ya around Jaemin!” You hopped into your car, not giving him a chance to reply as you started the rickety engine and slowly drove away. Jaemin got in his own car and let out a soft sigh as he thought back on your slightly odd exchange. He didn’t know you, but he knew he wanted to know you. And he had the perfect plan.

---

Jaemin probably should have felt bad that he was only visiting his grandma twice as much as he normally would because he was hoping and praying to run into you again. His grandma had sensed something was up, and he didn’t even have to admit to her, she already knew that he had the hots for you. Many of his attempts of being at her house when you were there were successful, and he’d helped you in your daily tasks of helping around the house until you heard the familiar sound of your phone alerting you that it was time to leave. He hated that sound. You saw Jaemin as a happy, positive soul, who would do anything to make you laugh. It worked, he often had you in absolute stitches with his comical stories about his friends and the pranks they played on each other. He found out a lot about your life, like how you came from a large family, the oldest of four children and you still lived with your parents due to your job not paying a huge amount of money. He was curious to know why you didn’t bother going to university, instead jumping straight into work life. When he’d asked, you’d simply told him that you just couldn’t wait to start your life, not wanting to spend anymore time in education. It was when you expressed your want to get married and have kids within the next ten years that had Jaemin’s head confirming what his heart was thinking. He had a huge crush on you. It was after you’d found out that the numbers written on his neck signified the date of his grandmothers’ birth, that you realised you had a big fat crush on him too. Jaemin always wore long sleeves shirts, or hoodies, so you didn’t know if he had anymore tattoos on his body apart from the neck tattoo and the rose tattoo on the back of his right hand. But you were curious to find out.

With a stomach full of butterflies, a whole month after your first encounter, Jaemin had finally asked you out. So that’s why you found yourself sat opposite the beautiful boy in a café at 1pm on your day off. His hair was now a light pink, and you thought it suited his face and personality perfectly. He had on a long-sleeved white shirt, with black skinny jeans and a leather jacket. It completing his aesthetic off flawlessly. Also you’d gotten to ride in his fancy car, which was exciting in its own, since you’d never been in a car that expensive before. Jaemin sipped at his black coffee, his eyes meeting your own and causing a tender smile to tug at his lips as he continued on with his story.

“And Jiyeon, Renjun’s daughter, threatened to pee on the floor if she didn’t get a cookie. You should have seen Chenle’s face, it was a comedy gold!” He laughed at the memory, picking at the muffin between you both. He had told you about all of his friends, so you were kind of keeping up with the names. He talked about Chenle a lot.

“Did she get the cookie?” You needed to know how the story finished, your eyes sparkling as you found out more and more about the mysterious boy opposite you. So far all you knew was that his grandmother raised him because his mother was a drug abuser, she died recently, and he lived with the boys he saw as brothers, which included the kids and girlfriends of said brothers. He’d also dished out the gossip on Haechan’s current girlfriend being Jeno’s ex-girlfriend, and Jeno now being blind with a baby on the way. Quite the scandal.

“Of course she did! Uncle Nana gave it to her.” He smiled widely and raised his eyebrows. You titled your head in confusion.

“Uncle Nana?” You asked, curiosity in your tone about this mysterious Uncle Nana.

“That’s me, my last name is Na, so I got the nickname Nana when I was growing up. Nana is easier to say than Jaemin when you’re a toddler.” He popped some of the muffin into his mouth and licked his lips.

“Cute!” Your eyebrows raised and you gazed at him with adoration in your eyes.

“You think so?” He winked, loving all the attention you bestowed upon him, even if cute wasn’t really the image he was going for.

“Mhm!” You sipped at your lemonade and gazed out of the window, seeing Jaemin’s car parked where you’d both left it and turning back to Jaemin. “You must have a good job to afford a car that…wow!” You didn’t miss the way Jaemin’s eyes avoided your gaze, leading you to believe there was more to him owning the car than just a normal job.

“I…okay I’m going to be transparent with you.” He sat up in his chair, leaning in closer to you across the table so that he could lower his voice, audible for only you to hear. “I race cars. That’s not my only car, I have a garage with four other cars in it and I race them to earn my living.” He kept his eyes locked with yours, trying to determine your reaction simply from the look in your eyes. Jaemin liked to think he was good at reading people. He’d been doing it his whole life, having experienced plenty of different emotions from people throughout his life. He couldn’t see anything other than question in your eyes as your narrowed them, trying to wrap your head around it.

“Oh!...is it…legal?” You whispered, running your hand up and down your glass, the condensation on the cold glass smearing and forming little droplets of water under the ministrations of your fingertips. He shook his head, an awkward smile marring his beautiful features.

“No, it’s not. If you get caught racing, you get fined. If you get caught racing more than once, you get your vehicle seized and fined. Then its three strikes and you’re out. Prison time is the punishment for getting caught a third time.” His words had your mouth opening in shock, a little gasp leaving your throat.

“Have you ever been caught?” You didn’t really know how to feel about his confession. You hadn’t ever thought about your opinions on illegal street racing, and it wasn’t fair for you to make a quick judgement about something you knew nothing about, despite it being illegal. It wasn’t really any of your business, so you didn’t care too much. The way you saw it, if you didn’t do anything illegal yourself, then you weren’t in the wrong.

“Nope, I have come close, but no, I’m pretty good at outrunning the police.” He smirked, clearly proud of himself as he sipped at his coffee. “If you aren’t comfortable with it, then we haven’t got to talk about it. I can keep it quiet from you, or we could…go our separate ways after I take you home. It’s your decision.” He sounded slightly sad as he spoke the last words, his head lowering slightly to watch your fingers playing with your glass.

“Oh, no! I…er…like you a lot, and I want to see you again, obviously only if you want to!” Your cheeks felt like they were about to burst into flames, your heart suddenly making you aware of its existence in your chest.

“I want to.” His voice was soft, and his hand snaked across the table to detach your hand from your glass. He wound your fingers together and a pink tinge that resembled the pink rose tattoo on the back of his hand flared up on his cheeks.

“Cool!” You blurted out and then used your free hand to face palm, cringing at your random word vomit.

“Very cool.” Jaemin laughed with you, grabbing your hand to pull it away from your face. “I guess we’re both just super cool!” You both visibly cringed at that and sniggered.

---

The next week was a complete rush for you. But a good rush, a rush you wouldn’t change. You had work five days out of seven, and as soon as your shift had finished, Jaemin would pick you up from your house, and whisk you away on a date. So far, you’d eaten in 7 different restaurants and had enjoyed every single minute of your time with your new boyfriend. That’s right, boyfriend. The two of you made it official on date number three after you both realised that you were basically perfect for each other. The night had ended in a sweet kiss and a long cuddle on your doorstep, which your siblings had roasted you for when you’d walked through the door, because obviously they’d been spying on your from the window as soon as they heard the loud purr of Jaemin’s car stop outside. And on your two days off, Jaemin had spent the both of days entertaining you and impressing you with his date spots. One of your favourite moments was when Jaemin had asked you if you trusted him whilst he was driving. You didn’t even hesitate to give him a quick nod and utter ‘yes’. You felt such a rush inside of you when the car speed up so fast that you felt yourself being pushed into your seat. You also felt a rush at how quickly you’d put your trust in a man you had only known for a month, a man who had admitted to doing illegal things. Jaemin had kept glancing at you, his heart blooming with an unfamiliar feeling when he saw the look of pure joy etched on your angelic face as you found elation in his passion. Of course he kept his driving on the safer side in order not to scare you, and even though he was confident in his driving abilities, keeping you safe was his new priority.

Day number 8 of your date streak found you sitting in Jaemin’s bedroom, legs folded underneath you as you sat opposite Jaemin with a glass of wine in your hand, one of his large hoodies covering up your cocktail dress to keep you warm. You’d been to a bar with him hours earlier, and you’d both drank a little bit too much. So his invite for you to join him in his bedroom had quickly been accepted, and there you sat, sipping at your wine as you laughed at a corny joke he’d cracked.

“Jaemiiiin,” You whined endearingly, leaning your forehead on his shoulder and hiccupping. “I want to know more about you, we should play never have I ever!” Your tipsy brain had you thinking that was the best idea ever, and Jaemin seemed to think the same thing, as he jumped at the opportunity, causing you to sit back again and grin at him.

“Okay! Me first.” He cleared his throat and took a quick mouthful of beer. “Okay, never have I ever…tried oysters.” You sniggered at his choice of words, furrowing your eyebrows at him and not raising your glass.

“I haven’t either! Okay, never have I ever…smoked a cigarette.” He rolled his eyes and raised his bottle of beer to his lips, gulping down a mouthful before pausing to rack his brain for things he hadn’t ever done.

“Never have I ever worn high heels!”

“Oh come on that’s not fair!” You squeal but didn’t hesitate to take a big swig of your wine. “Fine, I’m turning the heat up. Never have I ever had sex anywhere other than on a bed.” You were actually taken aback when he made no effort to drink, a smirk growing on his face. “You haven’t?!” You raised your eyebrows, placing your glass of wine on his bedside table and shuffling closer to him on your knees. He shook his head, biting his bottom lip as he placed his hands gently on your hips, guiding you into his lap.

“You’re surprised.” He laughed softly at his observation, his eyes flicking down to your lips before he leaned in and placed a lingering, hot kiss to your parted lips.

“You’re so hot and kind, I just thought you’d be…kind of experienced in that department.” His lips nipped at your own lips, drawing a silkey kiss between you with his tongue coming out to trace the lining on your bottom lip. “Your turn.” You whispered, sitting all of your weight onto his crotch, confident with how he pulled you closer to his own, warm body. He took a deep breath, a deep laugh vibrating from his chest as he kissed down to your jaw, leaving hot kisses on your smooth skin. His next confession had your heart pounding in adoration and your mouth popping open in surprise.

“Never have I ever…had sex.”

---

So this is the start to the end main parts of the series! What are we thinking is going to happen? Let me know! (Please be nice lol) <3

992 notes · View notes

missmaxime · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on the Death flashbacks: Having rewatched the episode again I really do feel like these flashbacks are a lead-in to the end of Beth and Dean’s relationship. I think it’s important to note when the three flashbacks are placed in the episode: right before and or after we focus solely on Beth, like she is reminiscing these three moments in time with him. Times she has fond memories of for good reasons, but at the same time show us the cracks in their relationship that we still see now. What are these pivotal moments? - Beth meets Dean for the first time - Dean asks Beth to prom - Dean meets Beth in the hospital on Prom Night #1 Lead-in to this flashback is the moment just seconds before Beth meets Dean while he’s in jail. Everything between them is at an absolute low, there’s even physically a wall between them. I’m not surprised they counter their burned out relationship by the exact moment it once ignited. Beth tries to remind herself in this episode about the good moments, but I think it’s also very telling those are moment from the first months of when they met – and not, say, when they got their first apartment, or had their first baby, or got married. In the flashback Dean strikes up conversation with Beth while his buddies start a food fight at the diner (Dairy Queen) she works at – perhaps even with an ulterior motive of distracting her while they wreak havoc. He does so by asking for a refill for something ridiculous, because if you’re not Ikea who gives refills for ice cream? But he’s got her attention. And if that attention was genuinely geared towards wooing her he could even have gone the corny way of complimenting her eyes, or her bright smile – but he chooses to focus on the fact that she’s a cheerleader.

This gets interrupted by his friends getting into the food fight, and Beth calls out for him to say something to his friends. In answer he joins into the fight and runs off with said friends, leaving Beth to clean the mess. A little later he returns (and with this, he also doesn’t lose face with his friends) to charm her with an apology and helping her out to clean the mess him and his friends made. Which, as we know, has been a recurring theme between them way into the future. (Not to fangirl out to much about this, but I’m living for the fact that Dean calls her Elizabeth at first, but when she correct him to Beth he goes with that. While Rio called her Elizabeth from the start, and she never corrected him on that.) It’s not hard to see why Beth falls for Dean here, even if we can see the patterns because we know the Beth and Dean from decades later. He’s handsome, witty, popular, the quarterback – and he’s interested in her. Sees her. While he’s the one who made the mess, he cleans it up, telling her that ‘he’s got it’. Something he can do now with spilled food, but we know he can’t when messes become grown-up messes. After the flashback we’re back in the jail, looking at Beth’s reflection in the glass as she stares at herself before Dean takes place in front of her. He’s understandably hurt and upset her actions got him there (and even more because she admits Rio was a part of the scheme all along). Even her voicing a desperate ‘I love you’ doesn’t make him stay, he’s done with her. She says she’ll ‘Fix it’ like Dean promised her in the flashback, but he’s not having it. In the final shot we zoom out, framing Beth with darkness – counter to the flashback where we zoom in on her smiling face. #2 Leading up to the second flashback Phoebe questions Dean, and tries to bribe him with some packs of ramen to tempt him into selling out Beth. She talks about the cheerleader she used to be friends with in high school, and how she got tossed aside when the girl didn’t have any use for her anymore when her Fake ID got taken away. Phoebe talks about how the girl is like Beth, using people and tossing them aside when they’re tired of them – Dean knows very well that’s not Beth at all, not in the context of him at least. In the flashback Dean comes to Beth’s house, where we learn he’s been leaving her a lot of messages. This is 1991 so we’re on analog phone time, not giving Beth an opportunity to see some caller ID, so if she doesn’t want to talk to Dean I don’t feel like it’s weird that Annie answered the phone to hear who’s calling. Annie’s obviously not a fan of him, but we don’t know whether that is because they’ve had some sort of fight or whether she doesn’t like the idea of Beth having a boyfriend altogether. I think this flashback really shows how both Dean and Beth are people who are very image-focused people, albeit for different reasons. Dean arrives in a flashy red sportscar to enhance his popular quarterback persona, Beth chooses to have the conversation outside to shield the outside world from the dire situation on the inside. Again Dean focuses on how Beth is not there for him. He called her five times, but doesn’t ask if she has something going on, or if she’s studying hard for a test, or if any of her friends are in trouble. He states that ‘she hasn’t been to any of the games’ – HIS games, not even shifting it to ‘I didn’t see you with your squad’. It’s all about him. His ‘I thought we were cool?’ entices her to come up with an excuse, doubling down with a ‘I don’t want to be a dick’, even if he clearly already is. Annie steps out of the house, visibly sporting yet another injury (she had her arm in a cast in the 2x08 flashback) and asks Beth about their mom’s meds. Two things Dean could just ask about, even if it’s just a flippant ‘oh, is your mom sick?’ or ‘did that monster hurt herself?’ because both could be explanations on why Beth hasn’t called him back. Yet he ignores all this and goes back to making her feel bad by putting the blame on him, casually working in the ‘oh I was going to ask you to prom?’ in a way like don’t bother if you’re not interested. It’s so unromantic the way he drops this, yet Beth latches on immediately because it’s a chance to do some normal teen stuff for a change and who can blame her if her days are spend taking care of her mom, raising her sister, going to school in the day and working a job in the evening. It’s a tactic Dean keeps using on her as an adult. Scene that comes to mind is that Dean already packed his bag, admits that he cheated on Beth with Gayle, and she’s like - fine, maybe don’t leave. Back in the jail Beth waits for him, but Dean has left a clear message that he doesn’t want to see her. #3 First we watch the girls wait for Eric to get arrested, but we all know how disastrous that ends. Her plan to frame Dean’s friend for her wrongdoings falls through, she failed him. Which piles onto the guilt that Dean’s in jail in the first place. It’s then she searches her brain for a moment when he was there for her, when she truly started feeling that he was going to be her rock. Beth’s waiting in the hospital, she’s not panicked or worried, rather annoyed and tired like this is yet the millionth time she’s here because her mother needed her stomach pumped. We still don’t know for sure what’s going on with the mom, but from 2x08 we know she spends lots of time laying in bed and needs meds, the stomach pumping indicates overuse of a drug (most common alcohol) – I’m leaning to depression combined with substance abuse – but we don’t know for sure. We also learn that the dad is not in the picture, or no one to rely on in the very least. It’s just Beth and Annie. Dean bribed Annie to tell him where Beth is – it’s prom night and he came to pick her up to go to the dance. Now there’s more than one way to read this scene. The first way is that Dean is genuinely concerned about this whole ordeal and he wants to be there for Beth, which is definitely the way young Beth must read into this. Another part of me thinks there’s some self-interest from Dean mixed in as well. If he didn’t go to Beth, he’d go to the prom, dateless – embarrassing for our quarterback star. But helping out your girlfriend with her sick mom is a great excuse to avoid that situation. We know how upset Dean got about being wifeless at the Spa Competition, Beth’s an asset to his image, her not being there breaks his image down. And I’m not saying he’s not interested in her, but from all the conversations we’ve seen them have in the flashbacks none of it really revolves around how Beth is doing. From the start their relationship has been around transactions. Image, deeds, quid pro quo. Even if you can read the ‘do you want anything from the vending machine?’ and the ‘your sister took all my money’ as something fun, it’s yet another reminder that he paid for her time. That she owes him, even if she really appreciates him being there for her. Back to Beth in the car with Eric and the girls, where our girl looks more than unhappy. Like Dean paid Annie to see her, she’s paying Eric to see Dean. Granted the stakes are immensely higher, but the juvenile situation carries on into the presence. While Eric comes up with even more terrible plans Beth’s getting increasingly emotional – which still could be interpreted many ways but I think she realizes that the normal from back then, the happiness Dean provided to her, it’s never coming back – plans executed correctly or not. Dean might still be that guy, but she’s not that girl anymore. Eric talks about how he’s invisible, and how that changed when Dean became his colleague. How beforehand no one saw him as him, but Dean made him feel like he was part of the work crew, called him by his name – it made him feel seen, made him feel like a real person. And that’s of course exactly what young Beth was feeling – she didn’t feel like a real person because no one saw her as Beth the teenage girl. She’s a caretaker for her mom, a mother figure to Annie – a cheerleader to Dean. But in the memory she can recognize that he made her feel like a real person. Eric proposes that ‘They don’t make ‘em like Dean Boland anymore’. And they don’t for him. But Beth also knows that the feeling wears off, that at some point Dean Boland won’t like you anymore when you don’t play the part he signed on for. Eric’s giving up everything to be a loyal friend, like Beth has for over two decades to be his loyal wife. And while she’s technically still his wife, she’s not loyal like she used to be – not financially, physically or emotionally. She doesn’t need Dean anymore to make her feel like a real person. She’s her own real person. --- Beth comes home to Fitzpatrick lounging in her kitchen like he belongs there, helping himself to a cup of tea. Our girl is already on edge what with the father of her kids possibly spending years behind bars, her plans miserably failing, and now this douche want even more of her time. She’s done playing a part to get what she needs, so she goes right to the point. Fitz touches on that she wants more out of her life, which is true. Unfortunately for him Beth has come to the point that no man – not like Dean did in the flashbacks – will do that for her anymore. She’s the one steering the ship, not some guy anymore. But while all these flashbacks Beth is experiencing might put some things in a different light to her, it doesn’t scrub away what Dean made her feel. Because he is the father of her kids, they are what will forever link them together, the connection they both care about deeply regardless of whatever troubled feelings they have towards each other. She might not be a true wife to him anymore, but they are parents to the same children. Her dad wasn’t there for her, but there’s no reason why Dean can’t be there for his kids. ---- So all in all I actually really liked seeing the flashbacks, especially because we experience them through Beth, and how they parallel with the now. In the final scene we see Phoebe looking at the perfect Boland family picture, the perfect image that they both crafted together. But hidden on the backside are the lies and the deceit, yet also Beth telling Dean how to take care of said family. Because she knows she can’t trust him to take care of it, unlike when they were teens and when she’d like to believe he could. Their real personas are on the table, and they don’t like each other anymore, can’t trust each other anymore. To me the final scenes read like the only thing they can still be: parents. I have no doubt they both love their kids, and those four humans will always bind them together, regardless of their relationship status. Beth is giving Dean the only genuine thing she can: her trust as a mutual parent, and the opportunity to enjoy the love of their kids. But it’s laced with melancholy, this is what’s left in the ruins, these four good things. Everything else is gone, and I think they both realize this.

#gg spoilers #4x03 #nbc good girls #meta #analysis #am i avoiding work #maybe?#beth x dean #also please end this torture #they both deserve better #or different in the very least #the fire has burned out

31 notes · View notes

imaginesbymk · 4 years

Text

“There is no Goodbye.”

The Pacific One Shot

Summary: Nothing is more ironic than Eugene breaking up with you just for the sake of sparing you the heartbreak if he were to die at war. But when he’s lucky to return home to Mobile, his first mission is to find you. Will Eugene be able to win you back before someone else does?

Pairing: Eugene Sledge x Fem!Reader

Non Requested

Tags: angst/breakup, swearing, smoking, drinking, mentions of an ethnic slur + mentions of war violence

Word Count: 3,016

Author’s Note: song inspiration for this oneshot is wait by m83!!! i totally recommend this song cos its so beautiful!! pls give this a like/reblog and maybe some feedback!! <333

YOU were sick of crying in your pillow every night. You were aware of how puffy your eyes must have been by now, you acknowledged your friends who called and visited, checking on you, but not even that helped soothe the heartache in you. His name just kept echoing in your mind and replayed, finding their way into your sleep. You wished you hated Eugene Sledge, but deep down in your heart- you just couldn’t.

Three knocks came on your bedroom door. “Y/n, your food’s getting cold,” you heard your mother from the other side.

“I’m not hungry.” You couldn’t remember the amount of times you’ve used that as an excuse to stay where you were, depressed and heartbroken.

Eugene broke up with you on a Sunday night. You two were dressed for the occasion; a dinner party was held at a grand convention center that was known and popular by several Alabamians. You wore the necklace Eugene got you as a gift, and you loved showing it off. In fact, you wore it every day to remind yourself, your family and your friends that Eugene Sledge was the love of your life.

Later you noticed how strange he was acting the whole dinner, how quiet and tense he got so suddenly. His hand would slip away whenever you held it while walking, or when they were held under the table. It was like he was trying to hold something back, like a cat catching his tongue. Then, you found him outside, leaning against the stairway.

“What is it, Eugene?”

He paused every time he looked at you, how it pained him to say what he needed to say. Whether it was now or never, he leaves for the train in a couple of days.

“Wait a minute, Eugene,” You remembered your body turning cold as ice, but not from the night breeze. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Oh how you wished he was kidding, but the look on his face read that he wasn’t in the slightest. He was joining the marines corps, despite his heart murmur and his father and brother encouraging him to go to college instead. He flunked out of his classes on purpose just to enlist, and since only God knows what fate lies ahead, he felt it was best to put a stop to the relationship.

It wasn’t your right to be angry about his choices sometimes. He was in his twenties now, old enough to make up his mind. He was fighting for everyone’s freedom, after all, which is probably the bravest thing Eugene is doing. However, you didn’t understand why. Eugene was a believer, he believed in God and miracles. He asked God to send him a miracle through prayer in his own time, and they were answered in the form of you. So why couldn’t he believe in the stable relationship you both can still have even when he’s off to fight?

As expected, you didn’t take it too well. Right there, you broke down in front of him. Eugene walked over and reached his hand out to touch your shoulder, but you shoved him away.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. You angrily ripped the necklace off of you and threw it at him before running off in tears. He never chased after you.

You dared not to go back inside the dining hall where your family and friends were, as well as his, so you walked home by yourself without waiting for anyone to catch up with you. He was going mad, you bet. Enlisting in the marines was one thing, but calling it quits on your relationship?

That was the last time you saw Eugene. He didn’t wait to see if you would turn up at the train station, begging him to have a change of heart. He never saw you there, and he boarded the train to California.

What were you more upset about: the love of your life dumping you, or the chances of the love of your life dying?

THE year was now 1945, and Eugene sat in the passenger seat in Sid’s mobile when he picked him up from the station.

The Japanese surrendered, and the boys back at the islands held a celebration with drinking, bonfires and loud music. Eugene, Snafu and Burgin sat on the rocks, watching the night sky, contemplating their return to home.

Victory Day was now nighttime, Eugene blew out smoke from his pipe, counting the stars. His tiny bible that was pocketed in his dungarees was pulled out, using the distant lit fires as a light to read through the tallied marks from the book of Genesis to Thessalonians, then out came a piece of paper that fell onto his lap.

He picked it up and unfolded it, taking another puff from his pipe. Eugene reads the first two words.

Dear y/n

The letter was never delivered to you because it was a letter Eugene had never sent, in fact it was never finished. He never got his first sentence down as they were ordered to get their gear ready to move down Okinawa. He never wrote a letter to you at all for the rest of his time serving, because he knew he wouldn’t be receiving one back.

Snafu slapped him awake one night and told him to shut up because he kept saying your name in his sleep. Eugene sounded desperate and panicked when he said it, too, and if the volume increased, it would have given away their spot. The marine was lucky it was a slap in the face rather than a bullet to the skull.

The next day, Snafu asked Eugene for two things: a light, and who “y/n” was.

“She was my girl,” Eugene handed a lighter to Snafu to light his cigarette.

“Was.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her at home just for a man in uniform to come to her door to tell her I’ve been KIA.”

“Shit, so you dumped her?” Snafu grins. “Should of given her to me, Sledgehammer.”

Eugene didn’t laugh. It was an inappropriate joke, no surprise coming from Snafu himself. He sat in the filth in silence, his bloodied and dirty hands holding your gold necklace that you threw at him. He brought it with him to war, and kept it as a bookmark in his Bible.

Eugene’s home was the same as he had left it, he knew that when Sid pulled up at the long pathway at the gates. Georgia cottage was indeed a sight, and Eugene loved it so much as a child. It was spacious with nature and trees to walk his dog, a forest down the road to go hunting and fishing with his father, a meadow where he would take you on a warm day.

Sid sat in the parked car for a few moments, Eugene hadn't started walking to the front door just yet. “I visited her,” Sid broke the silence. “Just like I promised.”

Eugene had to ask, “How is she?”

“I was starting to think she had forgotten about you... that was until I showed up at her door,” he replies. “It was tense, but she’s doing all right.”

Eugene nods, smiling a bit. He trusted his best friend to check up on you for him. At least you were doing fine, according to Sid’s words. "No crying?”

“She don’t cry no more. I introduced her to Mary Houston and invited her to my wedding- if that’s alright with you.”

He chuckled, making a face. “Why would I not be? It’s your wedding, you greaser.”

“Well one, and you should probably take my word for it, Y/N still hates your guts,” he said. “And two, whether or not she speaks to you at all on my wedding day, at least I’ll have you there as my best man.” Sid noticed the look on his best friend’s face. “There’s the O.O.M ball coming up. Y/n’s gonna be there.”

He smiles at him. “See you later?”

“Welcome home, Eugene.” And he drives off, prompting Eugene to reunite with his parents.

[x]

SHOWING up to the O.O.M ball immediately made you feel bummed. You showed up without a date. You shouldn’t have the right to feel bummed, anyway. You turned down any guy that had asked you. You could have said yes, but something in your heart was telling you no, and you couldn’t figure out what it was.

Sighing, you suddenly didn’t feel like going to the bar for a second drink, and you just didn’t like waiting until your friends weren’t with their dates to go up to talk to them, so you found yourself heading outside to the front. It’s not like you could escape the guests, as tables and chairs were set outside occupied with more people, and even more people standing around and chatting with their friends.

You leaned over a tree where you felt like no one could see you for approach, being able to hear the loud music from the inside. But for what? You could just leave and say you felt sick. What were you waiting for?

Several years had gone by since he left, and nothing about you has changed. Your hair grew a bit after a slight trim, and so has your wardrobe. Your dress was pretty expensive, and no one complimented it. You just needed someone to come up to you and say-

“You look beautiful.”

You spun around, knowing that Southern accent all too well. Not a lot of alcohol was consumed, so asking yourself if you drank too much that you started to see and hear things was out of the question. How did he know where to find you? How was he able to sneak up on you like how he used to as a surprise? He’d always do that, then pick you up and spin you around with joy. But this time, he stood in front of you, gazing at you like a painting.

Your vision started blurring.

“Y/n?” he thought you were having a stroke in front of him, and he reached out his hand. “Y/n?”

“Gimme a minute.” You breathed heavily, gripping the tree for support. Maybe you were about to faint in shock. After picking up your senses, you were able to respond. “Eugene,” you said softly. “You’re here.”

He nodded. “In the flesh.” You really couldn’t believe it. Maybe you were seeing and hearing things. But he was here. Eugene Sledge was really here, standing before you, and not a scratch on his face. His hair was fixed, too, and you could tell he was now in greater shape.

“How was...” you felt like you shouldn’t ask for so many reasons. “I mean, you made it. You’re home.”

“At last,” he answered, placing his wooden pipe in his mouth. “What are you doing all the way over here? Your date’s probably searching all of Mobile for you.”

“I don’t have a date,” you shook your head. “I mean, I came alone. I didn’t bring anyone.”

“You too?” he blew out smoke.

“Yeah. Um-” all it took was for you to breath in and crunch your nose from the awful stench of nicotine that everyone was so used to. “Since when did you start smoking?”

He shrugged. “Since I killed my first Jap. Helps me calm down.”

"Well... I’m talking to you and you’re blowing smoke right in my face.”

Eugene nodded, taking the pipe out. “Sorry. How have you been?”

“Good.”

Eugene furrowed his brows. “That’s it? Just good?”

“I mean, what else would you expect me to say?”

“You’ve completed your education, you’re engaged, you and your partner are buying a house?”

“Jesus, Eugene. It’s way too early for that. I can’t even drive.”

“I’m kidding. I can only assume you’re in complete shock. I can’t say I’m not surprised,” Eugene says. “I can also assume you hated me as soon as you threw the necklace I gave you right at me.”

“And I still hate you.”

He looks at you, scoffing. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” you folded your arms. “You dump me and leave to join the marine corps, I wrote you a letter on your birthday and you never wrote back, every time I see your parents at the market they look at me like I’m the face of death. You shouldn’t have come here, I was doing just fine.”

“Really?” Eugene raised his eyebrows. The nonsense coming out that mouth. If only Eugene could kiss them shut. "All right. Heard you spoke with Sid.”

“Yeah, and? He invited me to his wedding."

“And he asked me to be his best man. So you might as well hold in your punch until the wedding is over.”

Your blood started to boil. Maybe you haven’t changed, but the war did indeed change the hell out of him. This attitude he carried wasn’t impressing you one bit. “What the hell’s your problem?”

“My problem? I’m trying to have a conversation with you, y/n.”

“And you’re acting as if I’m the reason you dumped me.”

“I had my reasons,” he spoke back,

“Damn you, Eugene Sledge!” you slapped him repeatedly on his chest and shoulder. “Damn you for hurting me like that! Damn you for not writing to me! Damn you for leaving me!”

You cried out, as he simply stared and did his best to restrain your arms away from hitting him once more.

He never spoke a word until you calmed down. Then, you realized... “Oh God, Eugene. I’m so sorry,” you gasp. “I would never lay a hand on you.”

“A Jap tried to kill me with a bayonet,” Eugene said. “I kinda had that slap coming.”

You let a tear fall down your cheek, and you looked down so Eugene wouldn’t be able to notice, but he was smart enough to know. “Baby... it’s okay. I’m here now.” He pulled you close and held you. You haven’t felt his touch since that night. You were overcome with the nostalgia during the happy times, and even the sad times. He would hold you like you were gonna slip right out of his hands.

“I’ve missed you so much, y/n. There hasn’t been a night where I haven’t dreamt about you, where I would die, or where I would watch you marry a man who doesn’t know you the way I do.”

“Eugene... you broke my heart and just stomped on it like mud.”

“And you had every right to be hurt, but that was never my intention, I just did what I thought was the right thing.” He played with the curls in your hair and kissed you softly on your temple.

It wasn’t like it was a last minute decision. Regardless his heart murmur was there or not, he wasn’t going to stay home and attend classes. Breaking up with you wasn’t last minute, either.

“I guess I should have been more understanding,” you admit, leaning back against the tree.

“I spent nights trying to come up with what I was going to say, and when I was planning on saying it. I used to worry about the murmur, if I’d remember to feed Deacon, or telling my Mother about my plans for the future.”

“You weren’t sure about any of those things, Gene.”

“Seeing your face that night made me realize I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love you,” Eugene shook his head slowly. “I was definitely sure about that.”

“Loved,” you correct him.

“No, y/n. Love. I still love you, more than the stars reach the apex of this goddamn universe. I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop loving you. You’re really the answer God has given me after endless nights of praying for something good.”

“Then why didn’t you write me?”

“I had to find a way to move on. If it distracted me from fighting, I would have been as good as dead. Something in me died from the war, but the feelings I have for you are still here.”

You couldn’t help but smile a bit. “I love you more, Eugene.”

“So I hope it’s not too late to ask this,” Eugene said. “Miss Y/N Y/L/N, are you seeing anyone?”

You shook your head.

He raised his brows. “So for nearly four years, you haven’t been seeing anyone? Not one fella?”

“I tried to. I mean, I kept thinking you slept with a nurse.”

“Women weren’t even in my corner of the pacific, and nurses were there to do their jobs. Besides,” Eugene smiled. “I’d rather come home to the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known in Mobile.”

“Mary Houston?”

Eugene laughs. “I was talking about you. At least you’re humble.” He laughed harder when you started playfully slapping him on the chest repeatedly again. “Hey! But there’s no one I’d rather be with. I’m willing to start over, maybe pick up where we left off.”

“I would love that.”

Eugene reached in his tux pocket, pulling out the golden necklace you loved wearing. “I believe this belongs to you.” He walked behind you, and began wrapping the necklace around your neck, clipping the lock together in place. “Y’know, after throwing it right at my face?”

“Sorry,” you blushed. “Don’t ever do that again; saying goodbye.”

“There is no goodbye.” He turned your head to face him using his finger under your chin. “There never was, just the old hello.”

You smiled again.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” He pulls you close to him. “Is that all right?”

“You can kiss me whenever you feel like it, Gene.” And you wouldn’t mind it one bit.

“Yes, ma’am.” And he leans in, kissing you almost a dozen times now, the overcoming nostalgia of the good time hitting once more. “And once I’m done kissing the daylights outta you, I’m bringing you inside. It’s been a while since I’ve danced with the love of my life.”

the end

#eugene sledge one shot #eugene sledge imagine #eugene sledge x reader #eugene sledge #the pacific one shot #the pacific imagine #the pacific x reader #the pacific #reader insert #one shot #imagine #joe mazzello #eugene sledge fic #eugene sledge fanfic #mk's faves

81 notes · View notes

son-yejin · 3 years

Text

this is how I think s18 is going to go for amelink (or just how I want it to go ehehe)

I wanted to write a fic on this but I didn’t so I just wrote all the ideas I had in mind and I should work for greys I believe

1. Link is depressed, Jo talks him through his feelings, he feels guilty, he realizes he got blinded by happiness and turned him into a selfish person, he apologizes to Amelia, Amelia thinks she is bad for Link and sacrifices everything out of love for him, they break up,

2. they become civil for Scout because Link refuses to make him go through what he did, Link knows he is still in love with Amelia and wants to prove to her that they can make it work, Amelia goes to therapy, Link helps her from afar (staying with Scout more days, asking if she wants him to take him and help around a lot) because he thinks he might upset and make her worse if he makes it obvious he is trying to get her back, Amelia notices what he is doing and cries missing him,

3. Amelia keeps going to therapy, her therapist makes her realize she is self sabotaging because of fear, grief, addiction, depression due to the pandemic and bottled up feelings, “All I do now is miss him” she tells her therapist “and he is near” she smiles “to every corner he is there, but he thinks I can’t see him.” she frowns “maybe he doesn’t want me to see him...because I hurt him”, “And he hurt you too” “Yea but-“ “Lets refrain from working with buts here. He is just as responsible for the break up as you are, don’t you think?” “But he apologized and I hurt him more...I wasn’t fair to him” “Maybe, but you needed time. You might have not done it in the best ways but it was what you needed and now you have to respect your own decision” “Give it time, for you and for him. Do you feel you are ready to start contact outside of your son’s related things?” “I think so. I want to”, Amelia starts to contact him for random things just to talk to him and they become friends with a lot of longing, Maggie and Jo plan for them to get back together, Link notices what Jo is doing and asks her to stop because he thinks Amelia might get angry, Amelia sees Jo and Link talking close and gets jealous,

4. Scout gets sick and they decide to stay together for a while to take care of him, a romantic kitchen scene, Link asks how she is doing, Amelia mentions Jo with jealously and Link explain he loves Jo as his own sister like Amelia loves Maggie, Link explains why he helped Jo so suddenly with Luna and apologizes for seeming to not care about her feelings (“Jo...she has been in tough situations throughout her life” “I’ve seen her at her worst and it’s not pretty, Amelia” “She’s been doing great here. And with Alex...she was happy, like full of life, you know.” “She went through it again with her mom that year then Alex left and I thought to myself...why does this keep happening to her? It seems unfair” “I was...so happy, too. I wanted her to be as happy as I felt. As happy as she deserves to be” “When I saw the way she looked at Luna, I got it. She was it for Jo, you know. So when she asked me I said yes right away.” “I wanted my sister to be happy” “But I should have taken your feelings into consideration, Im sorry”), they talk about her therapy sessions (“I...have depression, Link” “In the pandemic everything just became too much, too fast” “When you said you wanted more kids, I thought everything we went through with Mer’s kids, all the stress, it would consume all of me and there would be nothing left” “Being a mother is harder than I ever thought it would be”). They talk about scout and moments that makes them laugh, they hug at some point and almost kiss but scout wakes up crying before they do, Link tells Amelia to eat and he will take scout and leaves her alone, Amelia gets excited and decides she wants to get back together but doesn’t know how to say it, when Amelia gets back to their old bedroom Link is asleep with Scout

5. Link goes to a conference for a few weeks to learn more about addiction, depression and how to help, Link comes back and notices Amelia is doing better and gets hopeful, Amelia’s surgery gets moved and she has to cancel therapy, Link overhears her talk about it, Owen notices Link watching Amelia and changing his schedule to fit hers and tries to help him out with an advice, Link finds out Amelia told Owen she didn’t want children but she didn’t tell him, Link gets angry and goes back to depression mode (O: She loves you, you know. link smiles “When she told me she was scared of hurting you for not wanting more kids I told her right away you would understand” wait “When was that?” “Um...around the time you two moved in together, I believe”) , Link blames himself for everything and gets the impression that she’s been getting better because he was away and she was not with him,

6. Link stops trying to contact Amelia for random things like they have been doing or try to win her back and only asks about Scout related things but still asks about her day through Maggie and Meredith, they tell him he should ask Amelia those things and talk to her but he tells them he knows she is better because she’s not with him, they don’t agree with him but he says he can see it, Amelia talks to her therapist about how Link helps ground her thoughts and that she was scared of it and that she wants to win him back but she’s scared it’s too late because he seems distant

7. Amelia shows up excited to work and Link sees her talking happily with someone else and gets a little jealous but mostly sad she is not doing that with him, Maggie notices (“You okay, Link?” “Yup” he prays his voice doesn’t sounds like he feels but it’s useless because by the way Maggie’s eyes softens, he knows he gave himself away “I will send the report later today and we can monitor the patient’s stats. If you excuse me, I have to go”), Maggie tells Amelia Link has been acting weird and sad looking, Amelia remembers it’s was his check up week and thinks he might have cancer again and that’s why he’s been distant, Amelia tries to talk to Link but he is called in for an emergency, Link’s patient dies and the patient’s wife blames him for it (she says he didn’t listen to her and he thinks of Amelia), Link cries alone in the callroom, Meredith sees him and asks he if he is okay, Link says forces a smile and lies, Link messages Amelia he left Scout with his mother that day because he’s not feeling well, Amelia gets worried and asks why and he tells her his patient died and he wants to think for a while, Amelia asks if he wants company and he declines even though he wanted to say yes. Jo asks Amelia if she knows where Link is because she had an emergency and was wondering if he could stay with Luna but he’s not picking up, Meredith overhears and says he didn’t look okay that day and she heard him cry in the callroom, Amelia gets more worried and voices her concerns to Jo and Meredith, Jo tells Amelia he’s been depressed since they broke up but he seems worse nowadays but won’t tell her why and gets worried Amelia might be right, Amelia goes to find him. Amelia finds him alone in a park they used to bring Scout together just around the corner from their apartment before they broke up, she voices her concerns about his exams and he tells her his scans came off clear and that she doesn’t need to worry about it

8. they stay in silence for a while, Amelia says she wished she had those New York donuts again, Link cries silently, Amelia says they should take Scout there one day because he should know where his parents fell in love, Link says he is sorry for ruining everything for them, they hug, Amelia leans in for a kiss but Link pulls away and says they should go, Amelia holds his hand to stop him, he says it’s not a good idea because he’s been seeing how so much better she is and doesn’t want to ruin her healing process (he lets out he’s been doing research on addiction and healing), she tries to tell him she wants this and he says he knows he is bad for her and she will lose herself again, he tells her he hasn’t seen her this happy since he has met her and that now he realizes she is better off without him, Amelia panicks and sees her own behavior reflecting back to her on him and tries to get him to believe her, Link asks her to get in her car and go home and leaves, it starts raining,

9. Link goes back to Jo’s apartament, no one is there, Jo left a note saying Luna is with Hayes, Link sends Amelia a message saying “got home ok?” she views it but doesn’t reply, he hears a knock on the door minutes later, he picks up and it’s Amelia soaked wet, (throwback to him being all wet on her doorstep), she declares her love for him and they have sex. the end. Yay

#grey’s anatomy #amelink #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #I’m a genius?#grey

14 notes · View notes

randomly-a-fan · 3 years

Text

Father and Son-wise Camping Trip Pt. 2

First Part: [Link]

Pennywise rushed right into the Voorhees House just as the rain was falling harder. “Th-thanks J-Jay!” Pennywise said as he was shivering; being the most wet. Archie cling very close to his dad for better warmth. Jason allows Pennywise and Archie to sit on the sofa, even though they’re dripping wet.

Jason walked over to the bathroom door where MJ was giving Malon a bath, he knocked before he enters. “Hey honey, are the windows and doors secure?” MJ asked with a smile. Jason nodded before he grabbed a couple of towels. MJ was curious; she could easily understand that Jason would need it after being out in the rain, but why two?

Jason went back out to give Pennywise and Archie their towels. “May I have a glass of water Mr. Voorhees?” Archie asked as he was being dried off by his dad. Jason nodded as he needed to go over to the kitchen anyway to give MJ the note. But as he was writing the note, MJ came out from the bathroom to get Malon’s pajamas in her room. Then she noticed Pennywise. “Penny! What are you doing here?” MJ asked angrily. Jason dropped a glass of water and rushed over to his wife to calm her down. MJ stared at her husband in confusion. “Did you invite them in?” MJ asked in shock. Jason wished he could explain verbally so MJ wouldn’t jump in conclusions and be mad. Luckily Pennywise came to ease the situation. “Go easy on the big guy, he only did it because me and my son were suffering... We were heading for home due to lack of food until it started to rain... If it weren’t for Jason, my Archie would’ve gotten the case of pneumonia...” MJ nodded as she understands, so she patted Jason’s back with a fond smile. “I appreciate what you did there Jason...” Then she turned to Pennywise, “…but you and Archie can’t stay here. You’re going to have to call your wife and tell her to pick you up.” MJ said. “I wasn’t planning on staying anyway, so if you could possibly let me borrow your phone...” Pennywise replied before MJ allows him to use their phone.

While Pennywise tries to call Aquarius, MJ went into Malon’s bedroom and picked out her pajamas and walked back into the bathroom.

MJ helped Malon out of the tub and dried her up, then she had to tell her daughter about the unwanted guest. “Malon... I know how you’re going to react when I tell you who is here, but I want to inform you that they’re not staying for the night.” MJ explained. “Who is it?” Malon asked with a smile. “You might want to relax your face, because the unwanted guest is Pennywise... and Archie too, which is good.” MJ answered. “PENNYWISE--” “Shh...” MJ covered Malon’s mouth to quiet her, incase Pennywise hears her. “Pennywise and Archie’s tent went down as they were heading for home, until the storm started. Your dad took them in so Pennywise can call home. He’ll be gone by bedtime.” MJ reassured her daughter. Malon still didn’t like the idea of Pennywise being here; ever since he tried to kill her when he first met her, then enslaved her mom, and then kidnapped her in the middle of the night. However, like her mother, she does have a sweet kind heart and decided to give him a fair chance. Only, she’s still going to be far away from him as possible.

A little while later, MJ and Malon came out from the bathroom to meet with the guest. Malon to be the most scared, she stayed behind her mom. “Hi Malon...” Archie greeted with a smile. Malon was going to walk over to him to give him a hug, but Archie was close to his dad so she backed away again. “Did you get a hold of Star?” MJ asked Pennywise. “She didn’t pick up, she must be out with her obnoxious cousin of hers.” Pennywise explained. Then he noticed Malon, he smiled and kneeled down to her level. “Hello Malon...” Hearing Pennywise’s greeting brings a dark cloud in her memory by all the bad things he did to her. She screamed and ran to her dad bawling. Jason picked her up to comfort her. “Malon, we’ve discussed this in the bathroom, remember?” MJ reminded. “That’s okay... I’m used to her behavior, it’s what makes her fear so delicious.” Pennywise said as he petted Malon’s back. Hearing Malon whimpering no over and over in Jason’s ear made him want to snap at Pennywise. “Don’t you touch her!” Jason scolded in his head, giving him the threatening look. “Sorry big boy, I was only trying to comfort your daughter.” Pennywise said with a chuckle. “The way to comfort Malon is by staying away from her.” MJ suggested. Pennywise turned to face MJ. “Why do you hate me that much?” Pennywise asked. MJ raised an eyebrow; isn’t it obvious why she hated him? Because of what he asked, she doesn’t know how to answer.

***

After a brief silence, MJ was setting the table for dinner, unfortunately there’s not enough mac and cheese for everybody, so MJ gave up her share and just has a salad. Jason noticed how MJ is not happy with what she was left with; he couldn’t blame her, she’s never that big on salad unless she has something with it. So Jason offered to give her his, since he doesn’t really care about eating since he’s an undead being, so he can’t starve. “Thank you Jason, but you don’t have to.” MJ thanked. Jason wrote a quick note on a napkin. “I know, but I want to <3″ Jason was going to give MJ a kiss, but she didn’t want to be kissed in front of Pennywise. Jason respects her wishes, but he didn’t want his lips being unused, so he just kissed her hand; which was just as sweet.

Archie turned towards his dad who was eating like he hasn’t eaten in days. “Dad... Don’t you think you should say something important to MJ? After all, she did gave up her share of Mac & Cheese.” Archie reminded. “Yeah, but saw how Jason gave up his Macs...” Pennywise replied. Archie gave him the look again. “I think your son wanted you to thank my mom for giving you some of her shares.” Malon explained, before she was told by her dad with his finger to stay quiet. Pennywise sighed before he spoke. “...Thanks... I guess... for the food...” Pennywise thanked, even though to him it was disgusting. MJ nodded with a smile as she wasn’t going to respond.

***

While MJ puts the plates in the sink, Pennywise wanted to ask Malon a question. “Malon, I know you’re scared of me because I’m The Eater of Worlds, but why aren’t you afraid of your own dad, I mean look at him...” Pennywise point out, Jason shook his head as he made an annoyed sigh before he got up to help his wife in the kitchen. “Why should I be afraid of a being that saved my life from being left out in the storm in a basket?” Malon asked. “My daddy found me when I was a baby, since my mother was--” “OH, that reminds me!” Pennywise cut off as he turned to his son. “Son, I thought maybe this would be a good time for you and I to have--” “Whoa dad, if I’m thinking what you’re thinking, at least take me out to the movies first... Now you know what it’s like to be cut off.” Archie snapped as he cut his dad off, just to give him the taste of his own medicine. Before Pennywise could respond, Archie turned to MJ. “Mrs. Voorhees, mind if I go to the bathroom?” Archie asked as he got off his chair. After MJ nodded, Archie rushed over to the bathroom.

Pennywise sighed in grief as Jason watched over from a distance. Jason can see that Pennywise was upset about something and thought that maybe it be a good idea for him and Pennywise to have a private conversation, so he gestures Pennywise to join him in the bedroom. Pennywise sensed that Jason wanted to have a private conversation, so he decided to explain things to him.

***

After Archie finishes in the bathroom, he decided to get his game boy from his sack, which was located by the door where his dad was talking to Jason. He didn’t want to eavesdrop so he just took his game out, then he heard something that got him wanting to find out what his dad is talking about. “Archie, what are you--” “Shh...” Archie shushed quickly, since he wanted to hear the conversation. “Me and my wife were trying to get pregnant for years while Archie is still young... and finally, we’re expecting a baby... I wanted to tell our son the news, but we don’t know how to put it in on Archie... Especially when I’ve been longing for a child that actually has a clown demon powers, since my son was more human...” Pennywise explained. Archie was shocked and puzzled that he dropped his game boy. Archie rushed over to the bathroom with depression. “Archie, what’s the matter? Archie!” Malon rushed over to the bathroom to see what was wrong with him.

Meanwhile, Pennywise went on with the discussion. “...I want what’s right for my son, having someone to play with, become a great influence to our future youngling. Me and Aquarius usually find that Archie can sometimes feel left out with no one to play with. Which is the main reason why we wanted a second child.” Pennywise explained. Jason smiled and patted his back. “Just tell him, I think he’s going to be so excited. I know I would if I have siblings.” Jason suggested in his head. Pennywise nodded with a smile and got up. “Thanks for listening Jay.” Pennywise thanked.

***

When Pennywise gained composure, he went out to find his son. “Archie?” Pennywise called out, “Archie’s in the bathroom... I think something’s wrong.” Malon said. “Is he sick?” Pennywise knocked on the door. “Son, are you alright?” Pennywise asked from the other side of the door. He didn’t hear any response, nor anything except the wind blowing into the bathroom. Pennywise took a peak inside the bathroom and saw that the bathroom was empty and the window was open. “What that-- ARCHIE.” Pennywise yelled. MJ and Jason rushed over. “Penny what’s wrong?” MJ asked. “Archie’s gone... I think he escaped out the window!” Pennywise panicked. “Why would he run away? you didn’t do anything to him.” MJ asked. Then Malon spoke. “I think I know what happened; he heard you talking to my dad about something and then teared up after hearing whatever it was that upsets him.” Malon theorized. “Ah no... He probably heard me talking about the new baby in the family.” Pennywise realized out loud. “A new baby?” Malon said in excitement. “Malon, I may be a baby lover, but now isn’t the time to talk about it, we have to worry about Archie; he might get sick if he stays out there for too long.” MJ said to her daughter and to the men.

Jason puts on his rain gear and grabbed his machete and oil lamp with Pennywise coming from behind. MJ and Malon looked at each other worriedly. Then the phone rang. MJ quickly answered the phone. “Hello...” It was Aquarius. “Oh hi MJ, I received my husband’s message, saying that they were heading for home until the storm started so they have no where to stay; I’m on my way to with my cousin to pick them up. Where’s Pennywise?” Aquarius asked. MJ sweated a bit, but she knew that she needed to know the truth. “Pennywise went out with my husband.” MJ answered. “Out in a storm? Well may I speak to Archie; I wanted to tell him the big news.” Aquarius requested. MJ knew that she’s going to be stuck in the middle when she explains to Archie’s mom about the mishap between the father and son-wise.

To be Continued

#IT #IT Chapter 2 #Pennywise #Pennywise the Dancing Clown #Friday the 13th #Jason Voorhees #fandom #fan fiction #collab #MJ #Malon #Archie

8 notes · View notes

wu-sisyphus-gang · 3 years

Text

Motion Sickness Chapter 72

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

The car I was driving in took a spill of a sheer cliff. It plummeted down for a terrifying moment and I was weightless until it can splashing down in the ink black water.

It started to sink and I panicked but I was locked inside the vehicle as the water slowly rose. In through the cracks the water poured into the vehicle. But it wasn't water. It was Grimm worms and centipedes. Tiny and crawling over each other as they spilled through the air vents and came inside.

The car slowly sank and the bugs came twisting and sliming their way towards me.

‘Just fucking take me,’ I told the dream.

The centipedes were up to my ankles now, slithering over my body and crawling their way inside.

‘It's not real. You'll wake up any minute now,’ I tried to remind myself. It didn't help much. I was in agony.

They crawled through my skin on dozens of legs. Slowly making their way up my waist as the car I was in sinking slowly and inexorably down into the murky depths. I could see nothing out the windows.

The bugs made their way over my shoulders until only my head remained. I tilted my head back up to try and stay out of reach of them but they piled on top of one another as they made their way inside.

They reached my lips and I held my breath and closed my eyes.

I woke up with a gasp. I was alone in my room at Atlas Academy. There were no bugs. I was safe. Or as safe as I ever was with Mother knocking on my figurative door day and night.

I was shaking and couldn't stand as I tried to leave my bed. Phantom pains wracked my body. From the head down I was in unbearable pain. My nerves pulled and twitched. My whole body was malfunctioning as I spasmed.

I didn't scream. I collapsed out of my bed with a gasp and landed on the hard floor. I crawled my way to the bathroom and shower. My body shivered all the while and I was sweating hard.

I crawled on my belly to the shower and disrobed with tremoring arms and legs. I turned it on and sat in the warm shower, letting the heat pour over me. I trembled in the shower under the water.

I tried to shake it off, tried to recover, but the dream stayed with me as I layed on the shower floor. I rubbed my face with my hands.

The medication was just not hitting my dreams. And I doubted they ever would. These were messages from Mother to my subconscious. It was a sign of her presence in my mind. She was there. Like a shark, shifting just beneath the surface.

I eventually mastered enough of myself to leave the shower on my two legs. I dried myself off briskly. I walked to a drawer in my room by the bed and pulled it open. It was full of little pill bottles. I read through the labels for a moment and pulled one open and popped a tablet under my tongue to dissolve.

I let it happen and relaxed into the sweet taste of the powdering pill.

It was one of the tranquilizers to help me relax. I was taking about six of them a day. My doctors wanted me to be at zero. The medication was addictive even at low dosages. But I needed them for the panic and what I was starting to suspect were small seizures related to the fear. The shaking was just too much. It made me feel epileptic, even.

There came a knock by my door. A crisp sound. I walked up and paranoia made me check the peephole. It was Weiss. I swung the door open.

"Weiss," I greeted.

"Cloud," she returned. "I heard the water running through the walls." They'd gotten me a room next to team RWBY's. "I wanted to check on you. It's the middle of the night. What are you doing in the shower?"

"Why are you up?" I asked. I dodged her question for a moment. I knew she wouldn’t let it go for real. I stood aside to let her in. She stepped inside with her hair drawn mid back height and down around her shoulders. Her blue eyes were like crystal in the dull, low light.

"I sometimes read late into the night on my scroll. It's a bad habit to have but it's one of my vices. Are you alright?"

"Just another nightmare. Moth-Salem related. I think. I can never be one hundred percent sure. I had to crawl to my shower I was shaking so bad."

"Shaking? From what?"

"The fear. The loss of control over my nerves. Take your pick."

"I didn't realize it was still so bad. I thought the medication was supposed to help."

"They are. But the shaking was pretty bad." I took a moment and breathed. "You know what?" I asked.

"What's that?" She asked. Concern written blatantly on her face.

"I've lived a while and been around and I think untreated PTSD and depression can cause mini-strokes. Or mini-seizures."

"Don't stop talking there for gods' sake!" She looked horrified.

"What else is there to tell? I think I'm going through it. Or it could just be Salem related or have to do with how I was grown. If I have serious brain damage as a result of one or both of those, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Did you take anything to help with it?"

"I just took one of the tranquilizers they prescribed."

"But you're not resting well," she concluded. She paced over and sat on my bed. She tapped next to her and indicated for me to join her.

I nodded and sighed but did, placing myself down beside her.

"Sleep is when I'm vulnerable. It's when she gets me," I informed her with a shaking voice.

"You need to sleep," she murmured gently.

"You don't think I know that?" I spat the words out. "Sorry. Sorry. It's just frustrating. You don't deserve that."

"When was the last time you got some real rest?" She wondered with a simple, minute nod to accept my apology.

"I've been double dosing on those tranquilizers at night. It's been helping a little," I informed her. I rubbed at my temple with my thumb and forefinger.

"Should you be abusing your meds?" She asked.

"It's not my fault. My meds abused me first. They all have side effects. All of them. And then they prescribe me something to deal with the side effects which in turn has its own side effects. It's a spiral but it's my brain that's being fucked up. And some of them have addictive properties in league with hyper. I can't miss a dose of some of them without going through miniature withdrawals. Suicidal thoughts are the best symptoms of that withdrawal I can hope for, there are worse ones. Ones that are indistinguishable from my symptoms."

"Is it really so bad?"

"It's not great."

"You always say you're doing alright," she whispered.

"I am alright. This is alright for me now. This is what that looks like."

"’Alright’ is mini-strokes and seizures?"

"Maybe " I shrugged. "Don't tell Ruby."

"Why not?"

"She'll just worry over me. No reason to cause her undue distress. This is just what I am now."

"I think she deserves to know. So we can make a decision together. The three of us can make a decision about your health together. You're not alone," she promised me. She reached out and took both of my hands. All but forcing me to look her in the eye.

"Like what? Putting me back in a hospital?" I asked.

"If that's what it takes for you to get better, what's wrong with that?"

"They'll take my weapon. Again. They'll take my weapon again and they'll lock me up, for who knows how long."

"Does your therapist know? About all this?" She wondered.

"I've been telling her everything. Even about my creation."

"That couldn't have been easy. That was very brave of you."

"I don't want to be pitied. You should get that."

"You don't have my pity. I admire your strength," she whispered back. She put her arm on the middle of my back. "You're sick. Not weak."

I laughed a little and she looked at me concerned. "I'm not going to get better from this. What Salem is doing to me is for keeps. This shit is eternal. Brain damage is permanent damage."

"You can fight her," Weiss vowed at me with big blue eyes. Her silvery hair strewn out behind her head in a curtain.

"Hardly. She's so… so big. And I'm so small. I'm like a dog to her. I feel like I’m just a dog."

"Cloud, you've already done so much. I believe in you. Even changing your name."

"Symbolic and nothing more, that is. It changes nothing. She still has me."

"It isn't symbolic. You're beating her. You've been winning. You kept the relic safe. You killed Tyrian. You did what you could. And you fight so awake!"

"I feel half asleep all the time. I'm so doped up just to stay functional. I don't even know what it means to be awake."

"I don't know what to say. You seem to be okay during waking hours."

"I'll be fine. I'm still waking from that dream. Plus I've got somebody to complain at and that's only revving me up."

"Would you rather I left?" She wondered.

"No. No, not that. I'm not going to get any sleep so if you weren't here I'd just be alone. Awake and alone."

She held my hand in a tight squeeze. "I'm here for you, Cloud. Anything you need. I can help you as much as you want me to."

"You're already helping me. Just… thanks for listening. And for coming to check on me," I said.

"Of course," she whispered. She gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. She ran one hand through my hair against the back of my head.

I leaned my head down into her lap and let her stroke at my long blonde fronds.

"Ruby and I are always here for you. You're doing so well. We're so proud of you and the steps you've been willing to go to get better."

"Talking about me behind my back again?" I wondered.

She laughed. A quiet peaceful noise in the emptiness of my room. "Not so much. But we both are. I know she is. And I am too."

"She's going to be the death of me, Mother is."

"Salem." She softly corrected me.

"Salem." I agreed. I groaned as she pulled her fingers through my hair. Her cool fingers touched my scalp. She tasted like something creamy and smooth through the space between us. Her dull white aura tasted delicious. So tranquil. It went down easily.

"You're so strong. You've grown so much. You're so mature and you seem so ready and responsible for whatever may happen."

"I'm not. It's fake. It's fake pressure." I exhaled into her lap.

"You are. I can see it. You can't hide it from me," she murmured. "It's why, well, it's why I think I started to fall for you. You were already like that in Mistral. Before."

"Before I knew what I was."

"No one thinks less of you for your origins but you," she purred at me. "Ruby and I adore you." I breathed hard. "It's only you that thinks that way. Ruby and I have no intention of abandoning you. We'll help you get through this if you let us. I understand if you have to do it alone. But don't suffer in silence on our account. We're here for you," she breathed. "I'm here for you. I trust you."

I kissed her. Low and silky. She bent down slightly over my lips. I sat up slightly and put an arm around her and the other on the inside of her thigh. She let out a shuddering breath as I did. I squeezed her leg and she shifted to rub her thighs together.

Her full lips and the pout of them ran against my tongue and she tasted like some sort of cream pie. Like a custard. Smooth. Sugary. Sweet. A flavor I was liable to gulp down.

I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her down onto me. She straddled me in her nightwear. The thin pants she wore did remarkably little at the range we found ourselves at with her legs on either side of my waist. Her breath came low and fast through her nose and she mewled quietly against me. I bit her lip and she let out a very feminine meek sound.

"Hah…hah..." She panted. "Ah."

The tips of her breasts swelled through her nightgown. I released her for a moment and she leaned back and flicked her platinum hair over her shoulder and out of her pretty face. Her eyes glowed down at me. Soft and blue. There was a heat in them that was difficult to describe.

"I've always wanted you," I panted up at her. "Always."

Her breath hitched slightly at my words and she descended back down on me. Her tongue wrestled with mine before they parted ways to examine the others' mouth. Her tongue was smooth and it glid along my teeth softly. It explored me carefully. Her hips rocked against me and she let out a quiet purr as she ground her pelvis downwards into my shorts.

I groaned. My hands came up behind her to grab her rear and pull her down onto me.

"Wait," she breathed. "Wait."

"Me wait?" I asked like the dumbass caveman I was. "You're on top of me."

She beat my hard chest with a tiny, tiny fist. "You know what I meant. This isn't what I came in here for." The effect of her hitting me was ruined when her hand turned flat and wound up stroking my firm pectoral with the whole of her small hand. Her palm rubbed from my collar all the way to my sternum.

Her other hand descended and came against my barrel of a stomach. She traced her fingers under my shirt and against my skin.

"Plans change." I gave her firm butt a squeeze through her night clothes and her breath hitched again quietly above me. Her pale lips parted in two for a quiet gasp.

"Not like this. I want Ruby to be there for it when we do… when we do anything," she decided on her phrasing.

"Then let's not do anything like that," I agreed with her.

"We already kind of are," she disagreed.

She ground her hips down onto me to prove the point and she made me gasp. I looked into her eye and I could see her desire to do it again. She wanted me to make that noise again. I wanted her to do it again too.

"We don't have to do anything more than what we are," I amended.

She traced her hand further under my shirt and splayed her fingers against my ribs. I groaned into her touch.

"You have so many scars." She pulled my shirt up and examined my chest. "These ones," she stroked across my upper chest and lower stomach. I shuddered and got goosebumps. "Were from Tyrian," she continued. "What about this long one?" Her fingers lined up over my new addition. The laceration under my ribs left behind by a blade of energy.

"Taurus. Adam Taurus. He cut me with his semblance. It glanced off my armor, got me there."

I sat up and pulled my shirt all the way off rather than leave it halfway on. She looked at me and blushed like a virgin.

"Better?" I asked.

She nodded. She reached out tentatively and touched me. "Tyrian really did a number on you, didn't he?"

"He almost killed me. Turned my chest into hamburger for a bit there. Ruby had to run me back to town and get me stitched up. She thought I was going to die."

"You've been through a lot."

"And it all keeps coming"

"Which is how I know that you can get through this. Ruby and I trust you with our lives."

"You shouldn't, that's a mistake.”

"Maybe. But it's my decision. No one else gets to make it for me. I trust Ruby and I trust you. Try and get some sleep, Cloud. I won't go anywhere."

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

#rwby #ff7 #ffvii #motion sickness #war of the roses #white knight #whiteknight #whiterose #white rose #lancaster #ruby rose x jaune arc x weiss schnee #weiss schnee #jaune arc #cloud strife #cloud!jaune arc #sephiroth!jaune arc

4 notes · View notes