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neptuneiris · 5 months

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could you pretend to be in love? (02/10)

The Contract

pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader (fake dating)

summary: there is no turning back now and now you and Aemond set the rules and conditions to start the whole farce.

word count: 4.6k

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!🥳

I thought this would be a very nice way to wish happy new year to all of you beautiful people who support me and like what I write, you don't know how much that means to me🥺

thank you for so much support and for so much love, I have loved being here and I definitely plan to stay for longer, seeing how that love evolves and my place here as a writer🥰 so enjoy a lot this new chapter that I really hope you like it a lot❤

many blessings to all of you, my best wishes for your lives in this 2024, I love you all so much!😊❤

enjoy!

It's the first thing you see after turning off the alarm and you curiously enter to read the recent messages from an unknown number, not having the slightest idea of who it might be.

But you let out a long sigh of frustration when you read them and see that it's Aemond, who you don't understand how the fuck he got your number. Of course, it shouldn't have been hard for him, just a few questions and anyone can tell him what he wants to know.

And knowing that you have a long day ahead of you today, you already feel the pressure all over your body when you haven't even left your bed, where you also feel the frustration and all this uncertainty that you thought you had already overcome, but no.

You barely accepted yesterday and suddenly putting the plan into action from one day to the next, it's too much. But without really having a choice, you reluctantly force yourself to get up and start getting ready.

After an hour, you leave your house with the nagging feeling of carrying a weight on your shoulders to school. And all the way there, not even the music in your ears can make your mind calm down for a moment.

Knowing very soon that your whole social life will be a mess and you will no longer be invisible, since after all Aemond was right in that respect, causes you even more uneasiness and also nervousness because you are going to pretend to be the girlfriend of the most popular guy in school.

And once the bus makes its stop, you soon enter the halls of the bustling school. And knowing that a certain silver-haired guy is waiting for you right now, every heavy step you take towards the schoolyard echoes loudly in your ears, increasing your nervousness and anxiety.

You're even tempted to back up and tell him to forget it, but you resist and keep moving forward.

As you walk through the huge doors of the backyard, it's only a matter of time before you make out the figure of Aemond sitting at the same table as yesterday in the distance. Your heart skips a beat and you feel more nervous, but gathering your courage and taking a long breath, you advance towards him, ready but with uncertain steps.

Every step seems heavy, as if you are walking into the unknown and you try to hide the nerves in your gaze, especially when Aemond notices your presence. He watches you and slowly turns to you, a subtle smile on his lips.

Again there is that feeling of telling him to forget it, to find someone else, that you can't do this. But... your mind stops you and screams at you not to be silly, that at the end of it all there will be a reward, a very good reward that getting it by faking a relationship with him, is nothing.

And it's definitely worth it.

So resigned, you reach out to him.

"Hey," he says to you without wiping off his little smile, as you take a seat in front of him and he waits for you to finish settling in, "So you've come."

"Don't bother me," you tell him without humor, definitely contrasting his mood to yours.

"Now what did I do?"

"That," you point to his face, "You're enjoying this, seeing that I haven't backed out."

"Oh, please, I actually thought you wouldn't come and tell me to fuck off after you thought better of it," he justifies himself.

"Yeah? Well, nothing a free admission to your dream college won't do," you say with a slightly sarcastic tone, though implicitly admitting your reasons, "And it's actually not like I like skipping classes, so could we get this started?"

Aemond exhales long, averting his gaze from yours for a moment before returning to watching you.

"You know you'll have to be charming and act like you're completely in love with me in public, right?" he poses, expectantly.

"Yes, I know... in public," you point out to him, "Just now no one knows we're 'dating' genius," you add, underlining the falsity of the situation.

He places a small, amused, smirk on his lips.

"Yet."

He adds with a slightly defiant tone and you roll your eyes.

"Don't get too excited either."

"Are you not?"

"Oh yeah, I can't handle the excitement," you feign in a high-pitched, ironic voice, making exaggerated hand gestures.

Aemond lets out a short but genuine laugh at your gesture. He leans back slightly, his eye revealing a mischievous glint as he watches you.

"Glad to see you're keeping your sense of humor in this," he says with his tone changing slightly to a more relaxed one.

"I don't have much choice, do I?" you reply, accepting his change of mood, but still maintaining a certain emotional distance.

You figure it's just a matter of the two of you getting more into trust, and if you're going to do this with him, you're definitely going to do your part. But for now, this is still a little awkward and unexpected. And the sooner you do this, the better it will be for you.

So you shift your focus and lean forward slightly with a more serious expression on your face.

"So let's get started?"

"Well, making a contract will take up a lot of our time, so I thought it would be easier to just say and agree between us-

"It will be easier this way, to write down and establish the rules and the conditions we want to do during all this, just to have everything clear and not miss anything, Aemond," you interrupt him, taking out a notebook and a pen to start writing.

"Okay, fine," he says, shrugging his shoulders.

"So?" you watch him expectantly with the blank sheet of paper in front of you and your pen in hand, "What do you suggest first?"

"Well... first we need to know when this will all end," he begins to say, adopting a relaxed but firm stance, "And I would say that it may end when it is no longer necessary for both of you to continue pretending. But I think it's a better idea for us to last until graduation."

He proposes, looking at you intently, waiting for your reaction and you can't help but be a little surprised to hear that.

"Until graduation?" you repeat and he nods, "But you really want to do this for almost five months?"

"I know it's a long time, but that time can be beneficial for both of us," he explains, "That's enough time to give our relationship credibility and authenticity and it's also enough time to handle any problems that arise."

He says and you nod cautiously, evaluating his words.

"But if you disagree, tell me," he hurries to say.

His calm tone and your reasons contrast with the uncertainty and indecision you feel. And the two of you have barely started.

Five months is such a compromising situation and it generates some concern, because you know you will face so many things you still have no idea about and every day it could become more complicated to maintain the farce.

"I guess it's okay," you cautiously admit, trying to see the big picture, "But I feel like it's still a long time. But also reducing that time might not be enough," you agree.

"Yes but I'm sure we can handle it. And don't worry, if at some point we feel it's too much or we don't have enough reason to keep pretending anymore, we can talk iand end it."

You remain pondering, considering his words and after a few seconds you nod in agreement, and write it down as the first point on the sheet. But this alone is the first piece of a much more complicated puzzle.

1. Duration of relationship: Until graduation.

And Aemond also brings up the next point of the contract, expressing his ideas with quiet but evident assurance.

"Now, second..." he begins, "As for behavior in public, we should genuinely show affection in the hallways, cafeteria, and at any school activity and event. In a relationship people don't take their hands off each other, so we should smile at each other, hug each other, make subtle gestures, hold hands-

"Don't say kissing, please," you interrupt him, pleading, taking him by surprise.

"Of course, Y/N," he tells you instantly, incredulous, "Obviously we'll have to kiss."

As if having to act completely in love with him and be every moment touching him isn't enough. But the idea of kissing seems a bit much to you.

"I agree about showing affection and all that, but that kissing thing might be awkward and... weird," you say, trying to be sincere but not seeming completely closed off to the idea.

Aemond looks at you incredulously.

"So you don't want us to kiss?"

"I don't think it's necessary, honestly."

"Are you crazy? How are we supposed to pretend if we're not going to kiss? No one's going to believe us if we don't kiss and that's what will literally make the whole relationship believable," he insists, visibly concerned.

"Yeah, I get that it might seem necessary, but...at least I don't want to be having to kiss you every single time."

"You don't want to kiss me?" he asks you, visibly surprised, confused and... maybe a little hurt?

You watch him silently for a moment not understanding his reaction and then watch him with a small amused smile.

"I'm not one of your fans, Targaryen."

"Oh come on, everyone wants to kiss me," he says confused and incredulous, proving his point.

"Even the guys?"

"Well... yeah, I don't know, maybe some of them," he says with a shrug.

"Seven Hells," you mutter, averting your gaze for a moment, "I-I really don't want to do that," you say, speaking seriously and then you let out a sigh, "But you're right that no one's going to believe us-

"Obviously. I always have," he is quick to say.

"So my proposal is this... we'll kiss, yes, but only when it's extremely necessary, and when I say extremely necessary I mean extremely necessary."

You watch him intently, keeping yourself willing with your proposal, waiting for his opinion, which judging by his face, he doesn't quite agree with.

"And what would those extremely necessary moments be exactly?" he inquires, attentive and interested, also still looking slightly worried.

"In the cafeteria or in the hallways when everyone is obviously looking at us and we're attracting attention. Just don't abuse it."

Aemond lets out a long breath.

"Well, let's limit them to extremely necessary moments," he finally says resignedly and you quickly note the second point.

2. Behavior in public: Show affection as genuinely as possible in public, such as gestures, hugs, and holding hands. KISSING ONLY WHEN EXTREMELY NECESSARY.

"But then that second point is also going to apply to the parties you'll be going to with me and my lacrosse games you'll be going to."

You quickly raise your gaze to him.

"What?"

"Yes," he nods, "Going to the parties together will also lend credibility to the relationship and obviously we have to be very close to each other. And it's the same in my games, you must go to support and encourage me, like any girlfriend in love with her boyfriend would."

Aemond's words provoke an instant reaction in you, that confusing you and taking you by surprise.

"But I don't go to parties."

"Now you will," he says with a calm expression, reaching out his hand and taking the pen and your notebook.

"But-

He is already writing in a section further down the sheet which he lists as; 'additional conditions'.

Parties.

Lacrosse games.

"Aemond, I'm not a big fan of parties, really," you insist, "You'll have a bad time if you take me with you and I'll probably ruin everything."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you the trick to having a good time and change that mentality you have. Besides I won't take you to every party, just a few," he assures you, "All while keeping up appearances," he hands you back your notebook and pen, "With me you'll never get bored, I promise," he says with a small smile on his lips.

You let out a sigh, placing the notebook back in front of you, still undecided.

"Yes? Well, we'll see about that. I warned you though."

He lets out a soft little laugh.

"Come on Y/N, you can't be that bad."

"I assure you I can be."

"And so what do you do for fun?" he asks you, keeping his smile, curiosity evident in his gaze.

And there it is, the question that totally describes your personality and that in fact you don't like to answer to just anyone, because then they call you boring. But you can't lie to Aemond, he is astute enough and would notice.

So you decide to be honest.

"I like to read," you reply, lowering your gaze and feeling slightly embarrassed, "And I love going to the movies or watching movies and shows at home, either one is totally fine with me. Oh... and... hm... I also like ice skating, although I don't do that as often but... it's something I like too."

And even though it's only a bit of the world of things you like, Aemond listens to you attentively with a soft expression, saying nothing afterwards, as if he's processing every word you've said, while you only feel more embarrassed by the silence.

You know there's nothing wrong with it but it always made you insecure to share your hobbies, mostly because you know that many girls your age enjoy their teenage years going out with friends to parties and getting drunk.

That didn't and doesn't appeal to you now. You have long been more comfortable with the idea of staying home or going out somewhere else instead of going to parties.

It's not as if you don't attend or avoid every social event, yes you can attend and have a good time depending on who you are with and where, but not as often as every weekend.

However, you understand and recognize the logic behind Aemond's suggestion and that is that attending parties, is essential. And just as he is about to finally speak, you do so first.

"I know they are simple things and are not very exciting for most people. I also know they can be very boring but for me... that's what I like," you shyly confess.

"Hm," he says, taking a small moment, watching you softly, only causing you even more embarrassment, "Well, that's not what I was going to say," he says, catching your attention, "Sometimes it is the simple things that mean the most to everyone and, being honest... I find them interesting," he adds, trying to evaporate any awkwardness and embarrassment you might feel.

You raise your gaze, meeting his bright blue eye watching you softly and with his gaze full of genuine understanding, along with that hint of curiosity. And that gets your attention too.

He's not judging you. And even though it's not something he would do or at least hasn't tried to do yet, he's not judging you for it and you see that genuine interest in his gaze.

"Tell you what, for every party you go to with me, I'll read one of your favorite books or a movie or shows you want me to watch," he says, picking up the notebook and pen again.

"What?" you look at him confused, unable to help but smile in bewilderment, "Are you serious?"

"You must set your own conditions too," he states as he writes, "I already dragged you into my world, so now you're dragging me into yours," he looks up at you, "What do you think? Is it a fair exchange or not?"

His proposal takes you by surprise and also confuses you a little, however, the small smile remains on your face.

The genuine expression of openness on his face and the determination with which he wrote definitely makes you feel more comfortable. His willingness to immerse himself in your interests was not something you had agreed upon from the beginning, nor is it something extremely necessary to fake a relationship.

But it's for the simple reason that you both feel comfortable if you're going to pretend for almost five months and it seems like a nice gesture from him to include it, something you honestly didn't expect from him.

And when he gives you back your notebook, you see the new rule under 'additional conditions'.

For every party Y/N goes to with me, I will read a book or watch one of her favorite movies or shows.

"Yes," you nod, "Sounds like a fair deal to me."

Aemond smiles, pleased with your answer and also seeing the expression on your face.

"Great. We'll see if I discover something new I like. And you too..." he points at you with his index finger, "You won't regret it after you have a great time at my parties," he says enthusiastically, with a sort of complicity in his tone.

"Well, we'll see if you manage to impress me."

And right there, the two of you exchange complicit glances, Aemond having that little smile on his lips while you don't understand this strange new alliance the two of you are building.

But even though you didn't expect it, it's definitely to your liking.

"Now, third..." you point to the notebook with your pen, "Reinforcing the second rule, public appearance," you say, observing him, "We must act as a committed and attentive couple to each other at school and to these parties you want us to go to."

Aemond nods determinedly, thoughtfully.

"Yes, commitment at all times," he states seriously.

"So, that also means that neither of us can be with other people for the duration of all this, not even secretly," you add, making the point clear.

"And you want to write that as a rule too? It's obvious that neither of us should-

"I'll write it as the fourth rule, just to be clear about everything as I told you."

"Oh, fine."

3. Public appearance: Act like a real couple in love, be committed and attentive to each other at school and social events.

4. No involvement with other girls/guys: No casual encounters or texting with anyone else for the duration of the fake relationship.

"Oh and also..." says Aemond, reminding, "Since we're at that point, on additional conditions write that we should both upload photos and videos together on our social media. It's another way to lend credibility to our relationship."

"Photos and videos together on our social media," you repeat, looking at the notebook.

And this catches Aemond's attention.

"Don't tell me you don't use your social media," he says beginning to sound alert and concerned.

"No, no, I-I mean, yes," you hasten to say, "It's just... I don't know, I most likely don't use them as often as you do, besided I have very few followers."

"Don't worry, whatever followers you have are fine. Besides, I'm sure they'll increase when I upload my first photo with you."

You roll your eyes with an amused smile.

"Okay, Mr. Popularity."

"And speaking of that, hand me your Instagram and all your networks," he says instantly, grabbing his cell phone from his front pocket, "We better have that all figured out now."

Obviously Aemond's accounts had to be public while you maintain your privacy, with barely thirteen hundred followers while he has almost the entire school following him and probably from other schools as well.

In fact, your numbers compared to his are embarrassing. But you never really had the interest of having more followers on Instagram or more friends on Facebook, Snapchat is the same and apparently that doesn't matter to Aemond.

Upload photos and videos together to our social media.

"And well, I also think another very important thing is to maintain privacy," you suggest, lifting your gaze to watch him and Aemond gives you a confused look.

"Do you really want to write that down too? It's obvious we can't tell anyone-

"Let me enjoy this, Aemond. It's actually fun and I want to write it all down. So act serious," you ask.

He lets out a choked laugh.

"Well, yes, we must be discreet, no one must know that all this is false, only we know the truth and we must keep it that way," he says and you excitedly write it down.

"We mustn't involve our families in this either," you add, watching him intently, "But that will be difficult because your siblings are here," you grimace.

"We can keep up the farse with them for a while too, I'll convince them not to say anything to my mother or the rest of my family. And once everyone here at school is convinced enough, I'll tell the truth only to them," he say sure and confident, solving the problem.

"And you're sure you'll manage to keep them that way?"

"Yeah," he says with a shrug, "They're my siblings. I know how it works with each one."

5. Maintain privacy: Tell absolutely no one about the fake relationship or involve each other's families in it.

"Oh, right, I almost forgot..." Aemond says as he points to what is already written, "You must also go on each year's trip to Dragonstone with me. That's another additional condition of mine."

"What?" you inquire again, surprised and confused.

"Yes, the trip to Dragonstone," he affirms.

Oh God, the trip to Dragonstone.

Dragonstone is an island not far from King's Landing, where there is an ancient castle with a lot of history but has been modernized with the same name and is open to every visitor.

The school makes an annual trip for educational purposes as the castle has relics and structuring from thousands of years ago. You have seen pictures and videos where everything looks really beautiful, ancestral and almost royalty.

In addition the castle offers other activities, such as rides on its huge luxury yachts, surfing, diving and swimming lessons.

You always had the spirit to go but have always known that the trip is anything but educational. You've heard stories that happen with the students, such as getting drunk, partying on the yachts, hot tubs and obviously you've heard stories of who slept with whom.

Even the most reserved get to have fun and it's not something you're interested in. You know you don't fit in that environment, especially since everyone has to share a room and you're sure that if you go, you'll have to share a room with girls with different tastes and perspectives than yours. They probably won't even let you sleep.

"Come on Y/N, you've never been to Dragonstone?" asks Aemond incredulously, noting the grimace on your face for wanting you to go there with him.

"Well, yeah I've wanted to go but... I-I, I don't know, I've heard that instead of learning about the place, everyone goes to having fun, they party, they get drunk and I-I don't...

"And what do you expect us to do in a modern castle on the shore of the beach with yachts and hot tubs?" he inquires again, expectantly, "The trip is planned for the middle of the last month of these five months and you can't let me go alone with the things that go on in that place."

You make your grimace more visible, revealing your clear indecision. And even though you and Aemond have been at odds lately over the matter of tastes, he still places a soft smile in your direction, understanding that you are not like him and prefer to do other things.

"Look, you don't have to go to the parties and drink if you don't want to," he starts to tell you, "But we can at least go to one of the parties on the yachts and then do the activities they offer on site, swimming, diving and all that," he proposes, "We'll take pictures, tour the castle and we'll both be equally satisfied."

You ponder for a moment, considering his proposal. You know you only have to get your father's signature on the permit to be able to go to the island and it's not like you've gone before so... you can do it now.

"Well, I guess that's fine," you nod, "But really promise you won't leave me alone and we'll take the time to do other activities that aren't related to partying on yachts and hot tubs."

"Please, we'll go as a couple, so of course I won't leave you alone. You'll be stuck with me," he assures you, "And I also promise you that we'll do other activities, not just the parties."

"And..." you start to say, in a serious, warning tone, "Also promise you'll pick me up every morning to bring me to school. That's another one of my additional conditions. The bus isn't very comfortable anymore."

He nods, shrugging, completely unconcerned.

"Sure, it's no problem. Besides it will make the relationship more credible," he says softly.

Despite your doubts, you feel a sense of relief at seeing and acknowledging his commitment. And you also feel more confident knowing that you have his support in all of this, even in your conditions. So you write down the two new additional conditions.

Drive Y/N every morning to school.

Dragonstone trip.

At the end you both sign the sheet, looking honestly ridiculous but being funny, then both seal the whole contract by shaking hands.

"So when do we start all this?" you ask him, putting away your notebook and pen.

"I say tomorrow," he gives you a look of understanding, "But we need to talk now during classes in the hallways or in the cafeteria, so that when they see us together tomorrow, it won't be so surprising and will seem more believable."

You give him an unsure look.

"I think it will still be very surprising, Aemond."

"It doesn't matter, we just have to start showing together today, just talking. But tomorrow is when we really start."

And just as he says those words, with that determination, you feel again those nerves in your lower abdomen and that insecurity. But at least you still have all day today to mentally prepare yourself, and you're grateful for that.

"And before I forget this too..." he says again, "I need you to send me all your academic information to work on your college application now," he tells you seriously and you watch him completely attentively, "The five months will go by fast and during that time college applications will start. So it's best to get it all in now."

At this, you feel your heart start to beat fast and you don't know why, you guess because it's a very important issue for you. And more than anything else it's the reason you agreed to do this with him.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," you say softly, "I-I'll email it all to you."

He smiles softly in your direction.

"Very well," he nods at you, "I'll text you my email."

Despite your slight doubts about whatever is going to happen next, the idea of starting a fake relationship leaving you with a knot in your stomach and feeling your emotions mixed, you know this will all be worth a try.

So you pick up your phone and you start to write in an email all your personal and academic information. While at the same time all is said and done and the fake relationship contract is over.

THE CONTRACT

Duration of relationship: Until graduation.

Behavior in public: Show affection as genuinely as possible in public, such as gestures, hugs, and holding hands. KISSING ONLY WHEN EXTREMELY NECESSARY.

Public appearance: Act like a real couple in love, be committed and attentive to each other at school and social events.

No involvement with other girls/guys: No casual encounters or texting with anyone else for the duration of the fake relationship.

Maintain privacy: Tell absolutely no one about the fake relationship or involve each other's families in it.

ADDITIONAL CONDITIONS

Parties.

Lacrosse games.

For every party Y/N goes to with me, I will read a book or watch one of her favorite movies or shows.

Upload photos and videos together to our social media.

Drive Y/N every morning to school.

Dragonstone trip.

general taglist

@melsunshine @at-a-rax-ia @jxdegodfrey @ttkttt @yentroucnagol @kate-to-the-ki @iamavailablesstuff

#aemond targaryen #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #hotd aemond #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond x y/n #modern aemond #modern hotd

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solarmorrigan · 7 months

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Steve Harrington gives me Beach Boys vibes

Like. Steve's a little neutral on pop; he doesn't hate it, but it's not usually his first choice. But like a lot of kids, his musical exploration begins with his parents' collection

He finds his mom's Beach Boys albums when he's about twelve, a little after they start leaving on longer trips and he starts poking around the house because he's bored and alone. He can sort of remember his mom playing them when he was really young, can remember her dancing around the kitchen and being silly in ways she usually isn't

He starts playing the Beach Boys when his parents are gone, just sometimes, because the songs have a pretty good beat and the lyrics are fun and it makes him feel a little less lonely. He's got one playing one evening when his parents get home earlier than expected; his dad just shoots him a look at tells him to "turn down the damn racket" (which Steve does, quickly) before stalking up to his office, but his mom stands in the living room doorway, just watching him for a moment

It's the first time in a long time he remembers her just sitting down with him, smiling, laughing, listening to the music with him. She tells him about the first time she heard the band on the radio, and about how she'd gone out to buy their album the very next day. She tells him that his dad had called in to the local station more than once to request "Barbara Ann" because he knew it was her favorite (Steve can't imagine his dad doing anything like that, but he guesses his mom would know better than he does). She tells him that when he was little, too little to really remember, he would ask her to play "the surfing song," even though she was pretty sure he had no idea what surfing was

They don't do it again, but Steve holds onto the memory

He keeps playing the albums. He gets them on tape, when he happens to see them, and then he can play them in his car when the mood strikes. He wouldn't call himself a fan, exactly, but he doesn't have a better word for it. He ends up memorizing a lot of the lyrics, and finds that he doesn't mind having that knowledge at all

December of '85, the first holiday season Steve and Robin spend together, Robin is ready to tease Steve mercilessly for not only knowing all the words to "Little Saint Nick," but for singing along with it while standing at the counter of Family Video. In public. Steve takes it with good grace, but he also makes sure she also knows all the words by the end of their shift. They sing it together every time it comes on the overhead speakers after that

(Steve gets the feeling Robin's enjoyment is half ironic, but he doesn't mind. Her joy as she sings is sincere, and that's the important part)

Robin isn't the last convert he manages to induct, either

"Kokomo" comes out in '88, and Eddie wants to hate it. Really he does. It's really not his speed, he doesn't like surf music, but he just - he can't quite bring himself to dislike it. Not when Steve is listening to it on the radio in the kitchen, singing along, dancing around unselfconsciously while he does the dishes (moving his hips in ways Eddie does not want to associate with the Beach Boys)

But of course, the second Steve catches Eddie listening with anything other than disdain, it's all over. He turns all his attention on Eddie, singing to him, trying to beckon him into the kitchen to dance with him while Eddie valiantly tries to hold out against the fucking dork-ass romantic he's been dating for over a year

Steve points him and then curls his fingers in a "come hither" gesture as he croons along with the radio, telling Eddie to "come on, pretty mama," and Eddie has to let his head hang back while he tells Steve "I hate you," just so Steve won't see how hard he's smiling

He does end up dancing, his head resting on Steve's shoulder because he's laughing too hard to hold it up on his own, his eyes watering while Steve continues being ridiculous just for him

(It is absolutely not their song, but many years later, it does end up on Eddie's carefully curated wedding playlist. He disavows all knowledge of how it got there)

#if you actually know shit about the beach boys and any of this is off just. just look away. I'm sorry.#steve harrington #stobin #steddie #robin buckley #eddie munson #stranger things #I have no idea if they played 'little saint nick' on the radio as relentlessly in the 80s as they do now #let's just pretend #also; if you end up with a beach boys song stuck in your head due to this post: join the club #the one currently stuck in mine is sloop john b #solar wrote

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mamani-bento · 6 months

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mdni 18+, nanami is like...very nice to you and very good at what he does wink wink, the only plot this has is that he happens to be a sexy bartender the rest is filth i uhhh don't know where this came from but i refuse to feel any shame about it

mamani-bento's masterlist!

bartender!nanami who’s always so patient when you take time deciding your drink, never rushing you even when the bar’s crowded

bartender!nanami who asks you how your day went, calmly listens when you vent about your shitty boss, and gives you a drink on the house if you’ve had a particularly bad one

bartender!nanami who you always look for as soon as you enter, make sure you sit in his section no matter how many people you have to elbow to get to a stool

bartender!nanami who always places the bowl of peanuts in front of you once you enter because they’re your favourite, who knows exactly how you like your drink and makes it the same incredible way every time

bartender!nanami who’s the only one behind the counter wearing a shirt, starchy blue material stretching across his broad shoulders and sleeves rolled up to his elbows, forearms flexing with every toss or shake, thick fingers deftly curling around glasses and stirrers, blond hair catching the low lights, the recipient of so many hooded looks and whispered propositions every night

bartender!nanami who politely turns down everybody who hits on him, always giving a believable excuse. you know they’re all fake because he gives a different reason every day and you pay too much attention to his lips when they curve in sympathetic apology as he delivers his ninth rejection of the night

bartender!nanami who you can’t stop staring at whenever you go, can’t stop ranting to because his attentive gaze makes you feel so comfortable, so important

bartender!nanami who one day stops being just a friendly confidant that you like looking at and starts becoming the person you fantasise about

bartender!nanami who asks you if you’re alright when he catches you staring at him for the fifth time that night, not realising that you’re imagining those veiny forearms holding your hips down as he lays you out on the wooden bar and pounds into you, blissfully unaware that you’re thinking about running your nails down his broad, muscular back that flexes every time he gets something from the top shelf or lifts the beer keg with a low grunt, only audible over the music because you're paying such close attention

bartender!nanami who notices that you’re spending less time drinking, less time talking, and more time looking, always blushing and giving an excuse that you ‘spaced out’ when he calls you out on it

bartender!nanami who begins to put two and two together when you stop accepting drinks from strangers and going home with them, choosing instead to spend longer hours hanging around the bar, leaving only when he’s close to wrapping up, the entire time pretending to not watch him

bartender!nanami who asks you if you think you’re being subtle one night when just the two of you are left behind, almost but not quite laughing at your sputtered excuse

bartender!nanami who locks the bar and eats you out right there on the stool you’re sitting on, gusset of your underwear impatiently moved to the side, on his knees on the dirty floor in front of you, head disappearing beneath your office skirt and large palms holding your thighs apart so he can have his fill, realising with a muffled groan that you are so much sweeter, so much more responsive than he could ever imagined

bartender!nanami who keeps lapping at your cunt as you come down from your high, only surfacing when you curl your shaky hands around his thick biceps, urging him up until he’s towering over you, begging him to fuck you right there on the wooden bar counter

bartender!nanami who tells you he knows, understands how much you need him, you’ve been so obvious darling, he’ll give you what you’re desperate for, what you've been desperate for

bartender!nanami who kisses you with lips stained with the wetness from your cunt, swallows your needy moans with a fond chuckle

bartender!nanami who indulges you as you fight to get his shirt off, nerves and arousal making your motions imprecise, but doesn’t do anything to help, only watches you struggle until you’re running an appreciative palm across his pectorals, nails grazing his nipple, sliding down his abs, grasping at the growing hardness in his slacks

bartender!nanami who’s let you have your fun, who takes matters into his own hands and curves his palms around your waist, easily lifting you off the stool and setting you onto the counter with flexing arms, who crowds into your space and lifts your legs to wrap around his waist, swiftly dragging your panties down and sliding into the spongy warmth of your wet cunt

bartender!nanami who starts slow, who takes note of your reactions with his ever movement, who drinks in your moans as he dips his head down to mouth at your covered nipple, palms divoting your waist, greedily groping the flesh

bartender!nanami who starts to snap his hips into yours faster, dick sliding along your walls and stretching you so well, his whole body caging yours in until even if your eyes were open you’d only be able to see him him him

bartender!nanami who hisses as your nails bite into his shoulders, groans into your neck raising goosebumps on your sweat-damp skin as you tug on his hair, chuckles and pants out that he knew you’d be a scratcher, knew you would take him so well, was always so good for him in his fantasies as you let him pound into you on his bar counter

bartender!nanami who revels in your repeated ah-ah-ah’s as he circles your clit with his thumb, who feels like he could die with the way you’re constantly clenching around him, squeezing him so well that he has to fight to not come before you, who quickens the pace of his hips and his fingers to get you closer, who can’t stop the stream of filth about your perfect cunt from slipping out of his mouth, sucking him in so beautifully

bartender!nanami who swallows your cry of pleasure when you reach your orgasm, who groans as your nails dig into his shoulders, who pulls out just in time to cum over your thighs and shirt, jaw clenched and pads of his long fingers digging into your hips

bartender!nanami whom you take home that night, who shows you exactly what he's imagined doing to you, who fulfills the fantasies that have been constantly running through your head every time you've 'spaced out' in the bar

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angelgoddard · 10 months

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐒! ♡︎

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏𝒆: 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕. 🎀

technically this should be step zero. but it's important to get clear on what you actually want. there are a lot of ways to do this. below i've compiled a small list for you!

- look into archetypes + system. they are patterns and associations based on body type, facial features, and personality traits. (i know there's ones that exist for feminine presenting people, i'm not sure about masculine presenting people. you are obviously not obligated to follow these, but they can be fun sometimes, especially if you're looking to curate a specific image of yourself.)

- observe the people you admire. this is a great way to try and find patterns in the people you look up to. (for example, i tend to gather inspiration from celebrities who have very youthful, sweet, and angelic faces. this helped me realize what my desired face was.)

- get creative. use faceswap and apps similar to blend together people you want to look like! if the beauty you're going for is more conceptual, make a collage board of things that visually describe your beauty. (for example, my collage board included things like cats, bunnies, deer, angels, dolls, etc.)

- you can also look at pinterest and save images of bodies, body parts, and facial features to help you know you want. this is especially useful if you're a person who has trouble keeping track of things you're manifesting.

- write a list of all the features you want. (notion is a great app to make lists and sort things if you don't enjoy using paper.)

- if you just want to become better looking overall, your subconscious knows what you truly want, so don't stress about specifying it if you're having trouble doing so.

♡- knowing that we are limitless can be a very freeing feeling, but it's important to remember that just because we can do something, doesn't mean we should do something. remember to be critical of what you want, especially when it comes to manifesting appearance changes. society has taught most of us what we are supposed to deem beautiful and healthy and what is ugly and unhealthy. do not allow indoctrination to control you. read this for more clarification.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒕𝒘𝒐: 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

fulfilling yourself is the most important part of the process. you must do it continuously until you feel as if you no longer need to do it because your desires are truly yours. you do not engage in methods to get anything, creation is finished. this post focuses specifically on fulfilling yourself using the state akin to sleep. there's many tutorials that already exist, explaining how to get to the state. here's a few of my personal favorites: 1, 2, 3, 4.

i personally have trouble quieting my mind down and getting into the state of thinking about my desires, so i like to either listen to music or do a meditation beforehand. here are some mediations i enjoy using: 1, 2,. while i relax my body, i sometimes listen to soundscapes to calm myself down (1, 2, 3,). depending on how i feel, i will either use the lullaby method or visualize. below, I've listed some ideas for imaginal scenarios.

- people asking you if you're [insert celebrity/person] because you look just like them!

- overhearing people gossiping about you, and accusing you of having work done when you're really just a natural beauty

- people constantly asking you for makeup tutorials or what your skincare routine is

- seeing yourself on thumbnails of subliminals/seeing yourself all over pinterest

- getting showered with compliments everywhere you go, people give you things for free and do you favors bc of how beautiful you are

♡- you don't have to fall asleep in the state for it to work. it's beneficial, but not essential. i personally like to do sats visualization midday, and the lullaby method at night.

♡- try not to make your scenarios too convoluted or have too much going on, especially if you're going to fall asleep looping it. it will be more difficult to keep track of what's going on as you slip farther into sleep. (from personal experience, the people in my scenario start slurring their words when i get too sleepy during a complicated sats scenario.)

♡- sats also works for revision. just imagine scenarios working the way you wanted them to, or an event in the past, and imagine you had your desired appearance then.

as for the lullaby method, here are some phrases you can repeat.

- it is done.

- i am stunning.

- i am beautiful.

- it is finished.

- i am free.

- it has been this way.

♡- remember that while doing this, you don't have to feel any particular emotion. you don't need to feel happy, grateful, sad, or peaceful. if you do that's great, and if you don't, that's also perfectly fine. knowing isn't this wise, specific feeling, it's just being aware and accepting what you have as truth. the device you're using to read this post now exists, right? you know you just have it. that's how it should feel to you while fulfilling yourself. it is also okay for the scenario/phrase to not feel natural at first. just keep doing it and eventually the sense of realness will begin to set in.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆: 𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆. 🎀

the art of detatchment is an essential one. detatchment doesn't refer to completely neglecting 3d responsibilities, shutting yourself in a dark room, not going to the bathroom, or not showering— it means do whatever you need to in the outer world, but don't identify with anything that doesn't align with your desires. if you find yourself crying about how ugly you are, seek comfort in imagination and remind youself that the true you, the inner you, doesn't cry over their appearance because they are confident in how they look.

detatchment includes stopping yourself from controlling things that don't manifest, like thoughts. stop thought flipping, forcing yourself to think positively, and putting yourself on these super strict mental diets because they don't solve the real issue. thoughts stem from states, and they do not manifest anything. you have the power to reject thoughts that don't align with your desires, and accept the ones that do. anything you think that aligns with your desire say "i accept this thought." and anything that doesn't, simply say "i reject this thought." as soon as you fully fulfill yourself, your thoughts will begin to naturally flow from your new dwelling state (the wish fulfilled). you should not be burning yourself out, take it easy.

detatchment also refers to letting go of the how. logic and law of assumption absolutely do not mix, they're oil and water. you have to let go of logical limitations and focus only on the end result. obsessing about waking up with your new appearance or revising it is not going to help you. how you get your desires is not your problem, nor your job. you do not need to take any sort of 3d action, like working out or eating well (although this is a great thing to do, of course!). mental work is the only work you need to do. everything else will simply fall into place, that's the law.

persistence is another important aspect of manifestation. you cannot manifest anything without some degree of persistence. once you decide you have something in imagination, you have to remain faithful to the idea. you can't continually go back to wanting your desire when you've decided it belongs to you in imagination. persisting in the idea that you truly have what you want will end your hunger and allow you to feel free and fulfilled.

a good way to continually fulfill yourself is to set up a sort of routine, like entering sats before getting out of bed each morning, or doing the lullaby method as you fall asleep. as neville said, we are creatures of habit, and habit acts as law, even though it is not. changing your negative habit of remaining in an undesired state into a positive one of consistently remaining in a desired state is very beneficial in solidifying persistence. your routine doesn't have to be extremely convoluted or detailed, it just has to be consistent, like skincare. you don't see results if you only wash your face once a day, you have to persist in your assumptions for them to become facts.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓: 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒉. ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

the sabbath is the rest period in which you are completely aware that you have your desires, and know that they absolutely must materialize. although the experience of the sabbath can be slightly different for everyone, what typically happens during this stage is:

- feeling no desire to use any methods (why would you need methods if you know you have your desire?)

- not feeling anything towards your desire (in the same way you feel nothing towards objects in your 3d, you just know they exist)

- thoughts naturally flow from the state of having your desires

- not spiraling or wavering

𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒆. 🎀

question: is the lullaby method just vain affirming?

answer: according to neville, it is not. i am aware some blogs say you can just affirm, but he has always suggested to add feeling to your words, as feeling acts like glue, connecting the imagined reality to the physical one. (again, the feeling is not an emotional one, but rather a feeling of knowing.)

question: minnie, i'm always reminded of my 3d appearance by my family/friends, what do i do?

answer: i think this ask would be helpful!

question: what if i am unable to visualize?

answer: use your other senses (smell, touch, taste, hearing). you can also try studying images of whatever you want to visualize to make them stick in your mind.

question: i can't get into sats on my own, i need guidance, any suggestions?

answer: this meditation is absolutely perfect!

♡︎- stop overconsuming information! you know everything you need to know. there are no more new discoveries to be made. the law is easy and simple. get off tumblr if you're using it in hopes of finding some kind of life-changing information, because you will not find it.

♡︎- stop procrastinating. no, that youtube video you're choosing to fall asleep to isn't going to fulfill you, but doing the lullaby method will. that video will always be there to watch later. what is more important: your happiness, or your momentary entertainment?

♡︎- forget about time. time is not real. focusing on time is focusing on lack- which isn't what you should be doing. continue to fulfill yourself in imagination. what you experience there must be expressed.

♡︎- don't stop persisting. do not let the lack of results in the outer world deter you. if you really want your desires the way you say you do, is persisting really that much work? if your answer is yes, you probably didn't want it that much in the first place. what do you have to lose by visualizing every night or saying an affirmation as you fall asleep? the law is universal, it does not discriminate. no matter how "long" it takes, it shouldn't be worth giving up if you truly, truly want it.

thankyou for reading! <3 (please don't repost without credits)

#manifestation #law of assumption #minnie luvs the law ♡#state akin to sleep #neville goddard #law of conciousness #desired appearance

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carppediem · 8 months

Text

I just came across this interview Käärijä gave for an Estonian magazine before the Tallinn gig and thought I'd share it with y'all! He talks about saving money to buy a house, why he quit drinking etc. Also, there are some new interesting things he said about Tommy 👀

Since the article is behind a paywall (and in Estonian) I've put a rough, heavily Google-assisted translation under the cut 👇

There are a few minutes left until the concert. How do you feel?

I feel great, but I'm a little tired because I didn't sleep well.

Did you have a party yesterday?

No party, I'm focused on the European tour. Yesterday was a live in Sweden, from there I flew to Finland at five o'clock in the morning and from there to here. But I'm one hundred percent ready for a show. It doesn't matter how tired I am, I give my best on stage.

You recently released the single 'It's Crazy, It's Party' with Tommy Cash. When Tommy met the members of the band Little Big, they drank a lot of vodka. What did you and Tommy drink?

Haha, I haven't had a drink with Tommy yet.

Not even a Pina Colada?

No. Maybe someday Tommy and I will have a drink, although I don't think he drinks much. And you know, I don't drink anymore either. I stopped drinking a month ago. I need to keep my energy up. When you give as many concerts as I do now, you have to take care of yourself. Drinking and performing hand in hand is extremely difficult both physically and mentally, not to mention how bad it affects the vocal cords. I had the biggest hangover of my life this summer, which put the brakes on my drinking. I went to a music festival with a friend where we drank too much. The next day I had to perform at the same festival. The hangover was so bad that I really didn't know how to get myself on stage with the terrible feeling and the summer heat. But I pulled myself together and did the show. This experience is also one of the reasons why I don't drink anymore.

What kind of person is Tommy?

He is a visionary and very witty - a lot of fun with him. And of course he's cute. I think we have something in common, like we both have our own style. Tommy surprises with crazy outfits: extraordinary hairstyles, extravagant clothing, which are complemented by boleros. In short, insane costumes.

After Eurovision, you started a real concert rally - you gave 51 concerts in the summer alone. Do you want to become a millionaire?

Of course I do! One day I will definitely be a millionaire. I don't keep track of how much money I have in the bank and how much I'm short of six figures. But yes, I'm trying to collect a million euros.

Will the goal be met this year?

No, not yet. It will still take a few years. I've had an insane amount of performances after Eurovision, because I was like a kid in a candy store who wants everything at once, but by now I've drawn the line because I can't perform everywhere. I also set myself a price tag, below which I will not allow myself to go anywhere. If you do 300 shows a year, you're screwed.

What do you spend your money on?

I don't just spend it on pretty things. I have a definite goal in mind - I want to buy a house in Finland. Maybe in the future also real estate in Thailand, we'll see. I don't need a Rolex or any luxury, I don't care about that.

What has been the most difficult thing for you since Eurovision?

Everyone in Finland now knows who I am. It's hard and tiring because I no longer have my own private space at all. I can't just go to the store, to a concert, or to a hockey game, people will immediately come up to me and start taking pictures. I hate when they don't politely ask for permission to do this, but immediately start clicking.

What has been the best?

It's great to see people hear 'Cha Cha Cha' and be happy. Or when they hear the name Käärijä and their face breaks into laughter - it's a powerful feeling. And of course to see how happy my family is about this achievement. And me too!

#käärijä #jere pöyhönen #tommy cash #interview

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rabbit-or-rib · 1 month

Note

Hi! So I never do requests like these but getting into MH and EMH has forced my hand lmao

Watching Tim and Evan sleep head-canons with a GN!Reader. (😭)

Hear me out! I feel like these two don’t get as much sleep, knowing their circumstances it’s understandable. (Especially Tim.) You can try to coax them to sleep all you want but they’re stubborn.

But the second that they fall asleep, you can’t help but to observe, take in their features. Hell, caress them softly or give them a small peck on the forehead or cheek. It’s peaceful and you wish it can be like this all the time.

That’s what I’m currently thinking about and I would love for you to expand on it, or just your thoughts on it, if you can!

Love reading your posts, and thank you for feeding us with them! 😭🙏

~ 🐐

THIS IS SO CUTE I LOVED WRITING THESE SM !!!! this took me forever cus i kept getting in my own head and being a sap instead of writing lolz thank you so much for your patience 😭 Evans is much more angsty than i thought it was going to be

☠️🚬 Evan Myers / Tim Wright x gn!reader helping them fall asleep :)

· · ·

Evan :

He’s sprawled out on the couch, trying to focus on the low budget horror movie on the tv, but you can tell that he’s fighting sleep and you’re immediately hit with pangs of guilt. You and Evan have both been struggling with sleep for a long while, and for reasons neither of you can exactly help; Evan has started a pattern of trying to stay up as long as possible when his paranoia gets rough because he doesn’t want to wake up to find himself not in control of his body. He can’t stand the feeling of seeing you and not being able to trust “himself” not to hurt you. You know this about him, you’ve watched and tried to help him through it time after time on sleepless nights- assuring him that you love him and that you don’t plan on leaving no matter how many times he insists you deserve better than this.

So, walking over to him and quietly planting yourself next to him on the floor, you cup his face in your hand and you can feel him leaning into your touch. Closing his eyes and bringing a hand up to layer itself on top of yours, his eyebrows furrow in a mix of relief and pain. You quietly suggest that the two of you should get to bed as you lean over to kiss his forehead, and he grasps your hand a little tighter as he whispers out a desperate “i’m so sorry.”

Your heart breaks for him in that moment. The guilt you know he feels rubs off on you more every time, but you don't want him to know. You don't want him to feel more responsible than he already does for all of this. You stretch your other arm over his drowsy form to hold him impossibly closer to you, and his frame bends into yours as he takes a deep, shaky breath. Your hand rests on the back of his head, entangled in his soft hair with your lips still connected to the top of his head as you whisper soft reassurances to him; you're hoping the onslaught of 'i love you's and 'i still trust you's will still get through to him in his tired daze.

It takes longer than you wish it would for his breathing to even out and for his grip on your hand to loosen, but you're just grateful he was able to get there at all. You gently kiss his cheek before adjusting yourself to lay your head on his shoulder, and you take a deep breath as you take in the moment engulfing you. Evan is finally sleeping, the credits are rolling on the movie he had on, and you can hear the crickets outside through the quiet background music. Everything is okay right now, and you'd do anything to keep it that way for the both of you- but for now, you'll just get comfortable and make sure you're here for him in the morning.

Tim :

Tim needs a lot of comfort to fall asleep. He has frequent nightmares that, while he doesn't like to talk about them very often (in fact you've only heard him talk about them twice, and very vaguely), you know they're bad enough to make him want to stay up for the hours on end he usually does. Whenever you do manage to coax him to get into bed with you at a reasonable hour, don't think it'll mean you'll be sleeping any time soon.

Not that he asks you to, if anything he tries to reason with you to go to bed without him being asleep, but nonetheless you stay up until you can make sure he's getting some rest. Tonight, though, is a very different story. He had been exhausted, and it was one of the very few times he asked you to join him in bed. He had hovered behind you reading on the couch, placing his hands on your shoulders gently and touching his forehead to the top of your head and mumbling a deep, "'m tired, darlin'.", too tired to try and hide his low southern drawl this time.

So, here the two of you were in your bed. You're lying on your back, and Tim has himself draped on top of you, tightly wrapping his arms around your torso. You have one hand running through his hair and gently scratching at his scalp, and the other is tucked under his loose, unbuttoned flannel resting on his back. You can feel the way his body slowly melds to yours the more comfortable he gets, every couple minutes he sinks more and more into your form. You're whispering quiet praises to him, reminding him you love him, that you'll be right here when he wakes up in the morning, he doesn't need to worry his pretty little head about it. You feel a gravely laugh rumble through the both of you as he smiles, mumbling something about how he should be talking to you like that, and you tell him that is the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard; the loving and sleepy smiles are evident in both of your voices.

Eventually, when he does fall asleep, you find yourself stuck reminiscing on the world the two of you have built together. You live together, the two of you have learned to cook different meals together, you both talk about the future with the other like they’ve always been there- it feels like the stars aligned at just the right moment for such a perfect match to have been made. You recall one of the few nights Tim has been especially sappy; the two of you cuddling on the couch with your head leaning into his hand as he quietly told you how much he loved you. He couldn’t look you in your eyes and his thumb was gently but nervously swiping along the side of your cheek, but he mumbled about how he didn’t understand how he got so lucky with you- he doesn’t know why you’ve stayed with him but he’s always gonna be grateful for you. Remembering that now, with your hand still in his hair and him softly snoring, this is one of the very few times everything feels peaceful.

#🐐#everymanhybrid x reader #evan myers x reader #marble hornets x reader #tim wright x reader #rabbit writings

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mybworlds · 2 months

Text

CHAPTER 10

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

Masterlist

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... Thank you for your support, for your likes and reblog, thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️If you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging and leaving comments 🫶 if you don't like it don't be rude and keep going. 😉 Please remember English is not my first language, so please be merciful! 🙏

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner and thanks @saradika-graphics for the divider.

Joel shortly after invites you to close your eyes and you obey by covering your eyes with your hands, when you feel his bed fold under his weight and he tells you that you can open your eyes, you see in front of you in his hands a brand new computer with a small rosette on it.

You widen your eyes and in a whisper you say, "Joel, but…today is not my birthday…I…I…don't…" you are totally speechless, you stare at that appliance as if it is one of the most precious things you have ever seen, then you stare at the man sitting next to you who knows how to warm your heart even with these seemingly trivial gifts, but not for you.

"Sssh, it doesn't matter 's not your birthday," he says putting the computer on the cover "you told me you had a computer and I thought you didn't have it anymore to talk about it in the past and then I know you want to write. And so I thought…" you don't let him complete the speech because you throw your arms around his neck feeling your eyes pinch with joy.

"Oh, Joel. I…" you don't know what to say, this gift is totally unexpected. You hide your face in the crook of his neck for a few seconds as he lays his hand on the nape of your neck in a sweet gesture, then you look at him, "Thank you-- I don't know what to say. But, how…when…?"

He smiles lowering his gaze for a moment "Remember when I wrote ya I was still in the other city and wouldn't finish work until 5?" you nod "Well, actually I was already here, but I was deciding which model to buy. Actually I know nothing 'bout computers and I hope I got ya a good model."

"Oh, Joel," you squeak, "you know I can't take it home with me, though," you remind him regretfully.

He shrugs his shoulders, "Leave it here, he'll be our little secret."

Thankfully it stopped snowing, slowly snow and cold are giving way to sunshine and beautiful days. It warms your heart to feel nature reborn and blooming again. Although there is a constant gray cloud over your head: your mother and her behavior. Indeed, going back to your home, expecting to be the same as before, acting the same as before, praying with your mother before meals and before bedtime causes cramps in your stomach. You are no longer the little girl who used to submit to your mother's will to please her, that obedient little girl who did and said whatever her mother wanted is no longer there. Of course, you have respect for her and her role, but many things you no longer tolerate or want to do: it's unbearable. Before for you to do everything she told you seemed almost right, almost normal, today for example having her drive you to work and feel her look at you until she sees that you are inside, has become too much. You'd like to let her know that it's probably time for her to let you fly away, but you already know what her response will be: honey sooner or later you will, but as long as you are under my roof that will not happen. Maybe it would be time to think about getting away, leaving your home, but to go where? It's true you work, but you don't earn that much, sure you put some money aside, but you could never afford rent, not yet. Also because you haven't worked for many months. You could go to your friends, but for how long? You don't want to be a burden to either sweet Kristen or feisty Gina or that meddlesome Helen, you couldn't stand the look in their eyes of someone who can't wait to have their freedom back.

"Excuse me can I have this coffee!" a customer blurts out rolling his eyes and shaking his head "These kids today!" he adds in an exasperated tone.

"Yes." you say. Today, all these thoughts only make you go in slow motion or get your order wrong.

The customer finally leaves. It's almost 1 p.m. therefore not many people come anymore, and so you have the luxury of sitting mournfully on one of the bar stools. You look at the incoming e-mails, hoping to find the e-mail sent for that job as an assistant librarian, but there is nothing but e-mails containing advertisements or requests for shipments of supposed packages. You block the phone.

Joel is out of town again, apparently there is some new construction to be completed, he told you about this other job that will take him out for about three weeks, then come back and then leave again. He has told you he will be back a few days just for you, and that can only please you. You are not a couple it's true, but he makes you feel as important as if you were his other half and you like the idea of being someone's other half, the idea of being his other half makes your heart beat fast for joy. Since he showed you how to touch yourself, you do it often. When your mother is away of course, you tremble at the idea that she might find you with a hand in your folds pleasuring yourself and moaning the name of a man she knows is your music teacher only. You never would have believed that day almost three months ago, when you first met each other on Tommy's doorstep, that he would become so important, that slowly he would become a fixed thought in your days. You love him, very much. That's for sure. If you thought so that day in his parents' cabin, today you are certain. You don't want and cannot do without him. At the same time, however, you feel guilty toward Jack; it's true you are not often seeing each other, but you call each other every night and often write to each other. You are very confused about what you should do and how you should behave toward both of them, but you know that sooner or later you will have to choose.

Jack, that day, gives you a surprise and picks you up outside at the bar. He greets you with a bouquet of red roses and a big smile. He kisses you tenderly on the lips and then wraps his arm around your shoulders.

"How was your day?" he asks you.

"Fine." you reply, smiling at him, "And yours? Still in the library?"

"Yes, but now I've come to pick you up to take you out to dinner," he replies, giving you a kiss on the tip of your nose.

You look at him blinking, looking puzzled. It's a gesture Joel always makes. You swallow.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks you, noticing your expression.

"N - no, sorry … it's just that I'm very tired. I hope this place is not too far away!" you exclaim, changing the subject by smiling at him.

He barely squeezes his hand on your shoulder "No, it's a block away. All calculated for my princess."

You smile at him. He also gives you nicknames. Can life be even more unfair?

"Are you okay?" he asks once you get into the car, "You look a little absent-minded. If you don't want, we can go to my place or yours, order a pizza, lie down on the couch, and if you want I can give you a massage." he proposes.

You look at him, "You are so sweet. No, dinner is fine," you say rejecting his proposal unable not to feel guilty. He's so sweet, he's attentive, he loves you, he's handsome, but you never went further with him, you never wanted to see him in secluded places. He'd like to, in fact he pushes to see you at his home too, but you always declined. You don't want to.

"Do you know how many exams are now left until the end of my studies?" he asks you, starting the engine and moving away from there.

"No."

"Only six. Do you understand? S i x. Six!" he exclaims happily, the smile lighting up his face making it even more beautiful.

You can't help but smile, "I'm so happy for you."

Jack has a reservation at a very nice, upscale little place, you've heard great things about it from some of the customers at the bar, but until that moment you had never been there. At the entrance there's a very small flight of stairs with tanks-aquariums filled with fish, lobsters and crabs on either side. A little later two waiters greet you with a big smile as they escort you to your table, which is in a dimly lit room. You take a seat and then enthusiastically look around: all the tables have two seats, there is a central sea-colored blue runner, soft pillows with two starfish on each chair alternating with others that are completely blue and still others with little drawings of seahorses on them.

"It's beautiful here," you say looking at him dreamily.

"For my princess this and more," he replies, smiling at you.

You smile and lower your gaze.

"Please." a young waitress says bringing you menus.

You thank her and then she leaves. You decide to get a seafood appetizer and an entrée.

"You know, Jack maybe there's something about me you don't know," you tell him.

"Tell me." he replies in curiosity, laying his phone down next to his plate.

"I like to write." you decide to confess to him hoping he understands how important it is to you.

He smiles "To do what?"

"What do you mean?" you ask him wrinkling your forehead.

"Why do you write? What do you plan to do with it?"

You don't know what to answer suddenly, you have all the words and reasons on the tip of your tongue, but in this moment everything freezes inside you. You seem to hear your mother's words again when she found out that you had enrolled in a writing class and had your own computer on which to write your stories.

"Don't get me wrong, it's great to write, but if you don't take course after course after course, if you don't have specific preparation," he says waving his hands as he speaks, "you're just wasting your eyesight and risking carpal tunnel before you're 35, honey." he concludes with an annoyed smirk.

He has offended you. You feel offended. You look down feeling your eyes tingle, suddenly wanting to run away and tell him to go to hell, not to say those words to you.

"Think about serious things, for example you told me you are waiting for an e-mail as an assistant librarian, now that's an important thing. So you quit that degrading job of yours as a bartender." he comments using an abrasive tone that hurts you.

"That degrading job, as you call it, is who I am, it's part of me." you say using a firm tone even though you feel deeply hurt "Frankly, I can't understand how you can be sweet and then be such a jerk at other times." you add, only then realizing that you're trembling.

"Come on, princess, I'm only talking like this because I know you can have so much more and you deserve better," he says, spreading his arms wide as if to say he wasn't saying anything bad after all.

"Jack, you are studying psychology." you retort feeling your cheeks on fire "Yet you are saying so many horrible things."

"But what's my study got to do with it now?" he asks you with an annoyed air "If you want to quit your bartending job fine, otherwise it's okay. I'm not imposing anything on you, that's all right." he says looking at you almost offended "Excuse me bring us the bill!" he adds turning to a waiter.

You don't talk anymore and honestly better that way. You have nothing more to say to each other. He leaves you in front of the house, you get out of the car without saying goodbye without looking at him and leaving the flowers in his car.

You are mad about what he said to you, at the tone he used, almost as if he from his seat could not bear to see the girl he hangs out with dedicated in doing such a normal job or devoted to activities he says are so unsuitable for you.

"I'm home," you say as you enter and slip off your shoes. When you are in the kitchen, you find a small post-it note "Out with some friends, see you at 11:30."

You drop into a kitchen chair looking despondent, totally despondent. The more time passes, the more you notice the differences with Jack, you close your eyes and think you were a fool for believing he wanted you despite your social, cultural disparity. It saves your phone from a total meltdown. It's Joel.

"Hey babe, 's me," his tone of voice is firm, confident, but happy.

"Hi." you say without any enthusiasm.

"Did something happen?" he asks you, immediately hearing the tone of your voice cracked.

"No, it's okay." you strive to maintain a normal tone of voice.

"Doesn't sound like that to me." he replies.

"Don't worry." you say again, but this time your voice trembles a little and you know that you haven't convinced him and that this time - unlike other times - he will insist.

"Will ya tell me what's going on?" he insists.

"Oh, Joel…" you tell him everything and finally you break down, you never wanted to confide this deep discomfort of yours to him over the phone, but you can't take it anymore just cashing in, you can't take it anymore. It's not fair for you to feel this way. You know he can't do anything given the distance, but you wanted to talk to someone who would really listen to you and not judge you like everyone else does.

"If I could, I would come and get ya right away." he says as you try to control your breathing and strain to control your voice so that you can be heard and understood on the phone "Look, I'll do my best to come to ya in two days, okay?" his tone of voice is concerned and you are really sorry about that. You want to be strong, don't make him worry, but you're exploding.

No, you don't have to do this for me, you want to tell him, but you find yourself saying, "Yes, please, Joel, I feel like everything is falling apart and the only good thing I have is you," you confess to him.

You hear him sigh heavily, "Please don't say that. Listen to my voice, okay, honey?"

"Yes."

"Breathe deeply with me. Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale." he tells you, you swallow slowly feeling your heartbeat slow down to its normal beat "Now go to the bathroom and rinse your face, I'll stay with ya." he says trying to calm you down.

You do as he told you by feeling guilty for having this breakdown with Joel. Not because it's him, but because for him you would wanted to be different, a grown-up and instead you proved yourself immature and foolish once again.

"What's up, baby?" he asks you after a few minutes of total silence from both of you "I'm sorry ya have to go through this alone." he continues "Why don't ya vent to those friends of yours, maybe they can give ya some advices." he adds.

"That's better now, Joel. You don't have to. I already know what they'd say to me." you say, opening the window facing the street a bit "They'd say stop letting your mother demean you and leave Jack."

"If they make ya feel that way…" he comments "Forgive me, I know your mother is important to ya however I think there have to be limits. She can't make ya feel that way, not at the age of 30! About that other guy… well, I don't know what ya see in him…" he sighs heavily "No, forget 'bout it, I didn't say anything. I'm just sorry you're feeling so sorry for someone who doesn't deserve your torment." he adds.

"I wish you were here now," you tell him deglutinating feeling suddenly pathetic.

"Forty-eight hours and I'll be there, promise." he replies.

"Joel, if it's a problem for you though, I don't want to be a burden or put you in trouble!" you exclaim, your tone of voice slowly becoming less shaky and calmer.

"Babe," he interrupts you, "don't say that. For me to see ya is just a joy. I wish I could be there with ya and hold ya close to me." his deep tone of voice conveys confidence, tranquility.

"Joel, I…" you breathe heavily "sorry, maybe I shouldn't have thrown my fears, my anguish at you, but you are the only one who listens to me, who really cares for me, who doesn't judge me and indeed sometimes even speaks against his best interest." you say going to your room and throwing yourself on the bed, you sigh "I just wish I could be worthy of you. To be strong and…"

"Worthy of me? Hey, hey, babe, ya don't have to think about these things at all. I told ya once before, you only hurt yourself." you hear him sigh "I thought about ya today." he adds "A lot. My mind was somewhere else."

You smile with your eyes closed. "And what were you thinking 'bout me?"

"I was thinking about your eyes, your incredible sweetness despite the fact that life has been so hard on you. I admire ya." you hear him smile, or so it seems from his tone of voice.

"Really?" hearing Joel's opinion of you makes you feel special and it's the first time in the span of a day when someone's words make you feel good.

"Yes. God, how I wish I could be with ya there in that bed and hold you to my chest! That'd be two of us being peaceful." he confesses to you in a slightly cracked tone of voice.

"Why? What's going on?" you ask him wrinkling your forehead and sitting in the middle of the bed.

"Nothing." he only replies, but his tone of voice is no nothing. You know him a little by now, though he stubbornly keeps everything to himself. It's like he has put up a wall so thick between him and the world that talking about it seems impossible for him. You wish you could figure out what it is, whether there is a way to break it down, whether it has something to do with his daughter or his wife or both!

"Joel, please talk to me," you beg him, you hate not being able to help those who help you, you hate not knowing how. Joel has always been there for you, held you, reassured you, helped you come out of that subservient state you were living in, is helping you understand who you are. You'd like to do the same for him.

"Babe, don't distress yourself, just bad thoughts," he tells you.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" you invite him.

"No." he replies dryly, "Sorry. Just used to keeping it all inside. 'S not because of ya, honey." he adds "I trust ya, but I can't talk about it."

You nod, unable, however, to help but feel disappointed at this persistent closure on his part. On the one hand, however, you tell yourself that he probably just needs time. You wonder again how much he has had to suffer for being so secretive, you wonder how terrible his experience has been.

"Please don't be hurt," he adds, not hearing your response.

"Yes, yes, of course. Don't worry." you say quickly, maybe too much, who knows maybe he sensed that everything is not all right as you just told him, but you can't help it.

"Will I see ya in two days?" he asks you in an uncertain tone, as if his lack of openness to you will prejudice your next meeting.

"Sure." you answer him, "I look forward to seeing you." you add, reassuring him immediately.

The next evening at dinner, your mother peers at you for a long time, you look at her, but say nothing. You eat in silence.

When you clear the table and wash the dishes, your mother finally speaks. "Mrs. Bixby stopped me this morning to give me my mail and she also told me something interesting," your mother begins, using a strange tone.

You look at her, "Such as?"

"She told me she saw you in an SUV with some…strange guy."

You swallow, but without showing your face.

Mrs. Bixby is the usual busybody who as soon as she notices something different or peculiar she has to immediately report it. In fact, she must unfortunately have seen you with Joel and immediately told your mother about it.

"What kind?" you ask, playing dumb.

"A man, an adult. Definitely older than you." she is silent for a moment "You have nothing to tell me? You know, I don't want you getting into strangers' cars or hanging out with guys that much older than you."

You shrug your shoulders, "Mom, I'm not dating anyone, don't worry."

Lie, but what choice do you have?

Since your mother started listening to that man's words during her prayer groups, she left that man with whom she was having an affair, she goes to confession every day and demands you do the same. You discussed this point at length as well, but your mother became rigid on this position and won't listen to reason. Sometimes you accommodate her, but other times you respond with categorical no's that lead to more arguments between you.

"Then why did Mrs. Bixby tell me you two seemed very close?" your mother insists.

Your stomach contracts in a painful grip, "Don't know," you only reply.

"Missy, look me in the eye," your mother says in a firm tone.

You turn around and she stands there in the doorway with her hands on her hips, her icy gaze fixed on you. When she does that, it scares you.

"Tell me the truth," she insists again.

"I see no one," you reply.

"I don't believe you, child," she says in an icy tone.

You shrug your shoulders, "I can't help with," you dare to say.

"Who was the man you hugged in front of our front door?" she asks you. Shit, but she wasn't there, but how…?

Your expression must have changed because your mother's expression changes as well, she reaches over and grabs you by your wrist with such violence that you are surprised and let a plate slip from your hands that crashes at your feet, she yanks you with a force you didn't even think she had and starts insulting you and giving you epithets you didn't even think she knew or had ever dared to address to you, she drags you to your room and then locks you in.

"MOM?! MOM?! MOM OPEN!" you scream, clapping your palms against the door, your mother no longer responding. You stand there, your face pressed against the door and your eyes filled with tears.

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prettyboykatsuki · 6 months

Note

Fang… *crawling, covered in dirt, on my last moments* Fang… I beg……….. bottom megumi……. Possibly fucking him so good he… p…p……… piss— *coughs and dies* sorry… can’t carry on……..

- definitely not a certain mutual who is a religious devotee of the bottom megumi agenda…

✮ tags ; piss, overstimulation, bottom + trans!megumi (referred to w the word pussy/cunt), top + gn!reader

Megumi feels his shame curl up in his chest.

The sensation starts in his waist, where his whole body shakes to accommodate the stretch of your cock. It's too big, too much - and the roll of your hips is so painfully eager. There's a sharp precision underneath the mess of thrusts, and even more - a burning desire to make him a mess.

He only knows this because you tell him so often. Let his first name curl off of your lips in a coo, your hands on his waist or grabbing his shoulders to press your thumb into them. You'll whisper it against his neck with your hand splayed on his body.

"Let me make a mess of you baby," Soft and low and deep "Promise it'll make you feel good."

Megumi always lets you get away with too much. He won't admit it's because devoted to you, obsessed with you, crazy to the point of madness. Megumi wants your attention no matter the cost, and he wants you to have his way with him. He likes when you want him, so he lets you do anything you please.

Even when it's embarrassing like it is now. So embarrassing it's shameful. Makes him want to hit you, or run away - disappear so completely so he never has to face the music.

Your voice takes his thoughts to a tender halt. "You're so pretty baby," And suddenly, he wants to endure it a little longer.

He's shaking. He doesn't remember how long you've been at this, only that you teased him for so long he started pawing at you. Everything you do is cruel. Just earlier, you had him bent over in your lap fingering his pussy until it was soft enough for him to take. You never let him cum.

You never let him do anything until he begs.

And then he did beg. Betrayed himself and begged you to fuck him, and so you do. Sat him on your cock and did nothing but fuck him and toy with him and tease him.

And he's cum too many times to even think anymore. He wants to run away from how it makes him feel. He can hear the way his pussy sounds from how long you've stretched enough, so wet he's pushing you out. The sensation is making his nerves tingle, his stomach tighten from need.

"S-stop," He croaks, his voice thick - nails digging into your back "I'm gonna—shit, please."

The words don't register, he thinks at first - but he can feel you smile into his shoulder.

"What is it sweetheart?"

"I'm gonna pee on you if y-you don't stop." He tries his best to sound mad, but even he knows he just sounds desperate. You put your hands up under his knees and fold him up further. He gasps, chokes and stares at you blank.

"Then do it," Your voice echoes soft in his ear, a sadism to your words that makes Megumi clench.

"It's embarrassing, asshole."

"But you want it right? It'll feel better if you let it out," Suddenly your hand pushes on his lower belly between your bodies. He cries out involuntarily, trying to choke out the noise "Want me to keep fucking you don't you?"

He nods shamefully and you laugh.

"Then let it all out," And you push harder, hard enough to prompt it. His lower half sags in relief, the warm sensation flooding the sheets beneath you. It feels good, makes him feel relief he's never known and mixes with pleasure he couldn't fathom "Just like that. Good boy."

Megumi feels your free hand cradle his cheek, peppering kisses on his face before he squeezes you tighter. He lets you get away with too much.

#return to sender #piss cw #im so h-word about this guy dsjsd #im(prompt)u game #<- tag for these #megumi x reader #writing tag

104 notes · View notes

kilistina · 1 year

Note

could you pls do a one shot of eddie and a fem reader being at one of steve’s house parties together surrounded by their friends and fucking in front of everyone because they just can’t wait any longer? and him calling the reader “sweetheart”😵‍💫

no joke my mind has been RACING with this idea lately so pls make my dreams a reality😫 no pressure though ily

i gotchu baby <3

party-goers. pt1

disc. nsfw content ahead. mdni. includes fem!reader n eddie munson, exhibitionism vibes n just hot shit tbh.

•••

“Having fun back there, Eds?” You tease your boyfriend as you both dance together, your back pressed to his chest. He laughs and pulls you closer by your waist, planting a kiss on your neck.

It’s well past midnight. You’ve both been at Steve’s house for hours, and you don’t plan on leaving any time soon. You’re too high, too wasted to go to sleep or stop partying yet. Everybody else seems to be in the same boat.

Tonight’s been so enjoyable. You’re not exactly sure why. Is it the drugs? The alcohol? The music? All of it? You’re not sure but you’re going to make the most of it and have fun anyway. You’ve never felt so confident, and Eddie’s notice.

“I need you so bad." He murmurs against the skin of your neck, somehow pulling you even closer to him.

“What?" You furrow your eyebrows, chuckling at how affectionate..and more, he’s being. A blush creeps up onto your face, thankfully the lighting in the room is dim. Normally you see this side of Eddie in private, but in front of everyone? That’s new.

He’s got you all hot and bothered already and he’s only said five words.

“I need you,” He repeats himself, dropping his head down to your shoulder and peppering kisses along your skin, “So fucking bad."

You tilt your neck to the side to give him more access to you, but that doesn’t last long. You can’t wait much longer—you need to kiss him.

You turn around to face him and he doesn’t waste a second to lean down and kiss you. You smile against his lips knowing he cracked first, his tongue moving with yours at the perfect pace.

His nails are digging into your waist. You want him to dig them deeper.

You both kiss each other heatedly without a single care in the world. It’s just a kiss, right? Or five.

After a few too many kisses, you both eventually break apart, breathing heavily and smiling like school kids. Eddie runs a hand through his hair, his lips parted and glistening with you. You're all over him, even when you're not.

You twirl your fingers around his curls, tugging and making his jaw tense up as he tries to stifle a moan.

“You’re so beautiful,” He looks down at you, smirking as you continue to move to the rhythm of the music, “You know that?” He's getting comfortable.

You don't want that.

Refusing to let him take control of this moment, you take it back, pulling his hair back harder to make his head tilt. His neck is exposed. He moans.

You bring your lips to his neck, lightly grazing his skin but not quite touching him. He whines. You're taunting him.

You feel people watching you from across the room, the people who are closer to you are all busy in their own worlds dancing and trying not to bump into anyone. You don't mind the close proximity. In fact, you welcome it. You welcome the heat that radiates from everyone around you, the sexual tension that's looming in the air. everyone's feeling the same way, it's obvious. The only question right now is, who's going to do something about it?

You look up at Eddie's face, taking in the view. You love watching him when he's so worked up. The way his eyes flutter closed despite his best efforts to keep them open and on you. The way his eyebrows crease together in pleasure. The way his lips stay parted until he can't control himself anymore and has to bite down on them to shut himself up. He's so pretty.

Nobody makes you feel the way Eddie does. He drives you crazy. You love being crazy. Especially with him.

Once again you take control of the situation, pulling away from his neck when he least expects it. His eyes snap open and by the look on his face you'd think he's in pain. Perfect.

You smirk, knowing it's only you who can make him feel this way. Only you.

"Don't do that." He murmurs, his voice firm.

He needs you right now. You can see it in his eyes. You can feel it in his movements. He knows he can have you, too. He knows you’re playing hard to get now, but it’ll all end the same way. He knows that he wants you. What he doesn't know is that you want him more. You like being in control a little too much to give it up just yet.

"Do what?" You taunt, smirking up at him as he tenses up his jaw.

“You know what I want,” He runs his hands up and your arm and you swear your eyes are about to roll back from the pleasure, “Give it to me.”

“Hmm? What do you want?” You arch a brow, watching his eyes scan your face. He instinctively licks his bottom lip, moving closer to you and leaning down so that his lips are level with yours.

"I wanna fuck you, right here, right now." God.

"Right here?" You smirk, gauging his reaction. he smirks back.

"Right here." He repeats, leaning down and brushing his lips against yours.

"Right now?" You whisper against his lips. You can feel and see how much he’s physically refraining from closing the practically non-existent gap between your lips.

He nods slowly, finally moving forward to close the gap between you both, “Right now." Before he can kiss you, you move your head back and place a finger on his lips, stopping him.

"Absolutely not." You shake your head.

He lets out a breathy groan, leaning his head to your cheek and holding your waist in his big hands. “C'mon, sweetheart,” He whispers seductively in your ear, knowing the effect it has on you, “C'mon, please?"

“You’re a fucking menace.” You murmur.

“‘M yours.” He pulls his head back to look at you and he smirks down at you, his dimples showing on his obnoxious face. You just want to ride him here in front of everybody.

“Come here.” You grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down to kiss you, and he lets out a moan against your mouth, wasting no time in kissing you back. The kiss is feverish, his lips moving against yours hard and fast. He lets his hands roam around your stomach, slowly moving up and under your shirt to grab a hold of your chest. You let out a quiet gasp as he roughly squeezes you between his palms.

“Yeah baby? You like that?” He whispers against your lips, grabbing you harder, “Gonna give me what I want?"

You struggle to stifle your moans. He reconnects his lips to yours and you wrap your arms around his neck, moving as close as possible to him. All you want right now is to ride him and see him sit there on the couch, taking it like a good boy. But then you'd be giving him exactly what he wants. Exactly what you both want, but no. You don't want to do that yet.

You want to torture him, don't you? Make him squirm? Turn him into a mess for you? How are you supposed to do that if you give him exactly what he's been asking for all night? No. Not yet.

For now, you have a better idea.

"No,” You murmur, surprising both Eddie and yourself in the process, “You are going to give me what I want."

"What is it that you want, sweetheart?" His eyebrowws furrow in mock-confusion.

You roam your hands down his chest, inching them closer to his cock and slowly—so fucking slowly—running your hand along the bulge in his jeans. “For you to speak when you're spoken to."

He shudders at your words. He likes when you’re like this. Noted. Your eyes wander down to where he wants you to look, and then back up to his face. His pretty face. His lips curl upward into a smirk and you can see the lust in his eyes. He's never wanted you so bad. You've never wanted him so bad, either.

"I know you can feel me,” His voice is low and slurred, he’s in his own world as you continue to give him crumbs of attention in the place he wants you the most, “Know you can feel how fucking bad I want you, sweetheart.”

You’re so wet. The way the dirty words roll off his tongue makes you even wetter. You take your hand away from him and he lets out a quiet whine. You smirk—you have him right where you fucking want him.

“You wanna feel me too?" You whisper and look up at him innocently.

He nods quickly, desperate for whatever you're willing to give him. So far, not much. You want to torture him. You want him crying out and begging for more of you. You want to teach him a lesson. You finally have the control, and you’re going to have some fun with it.

"What was that?"

"Y-yes," He breaths out a reply, stuttering, “God, fucking yes."

You arch a brow at him. He quickly catches on and corrects himself, "P-please. Please let me feel you, sweetheart." He’s sounding as desperate as ever. You could get used to this.

You’re about to grab one of his hands and guide them under your miniskirt, when he beats you to it and grabs your waist. He mindlessly thrusts his hips forward into yours, making you suck in a breath. He doesn't know it but it just took every ounce of energy you have not to scream out in pleasure and pull him closer.

Whether it's the alcohol and weed giving you this newfound dominance or whether it's just the luck of the draw for tonight, you don’t are. You’re going to make the most of it, and Eddie's going to let you.

The excitement of potentially getting caught, mixed with the excitement of finally having him wrapped around your pretty little finger is enough to make you cum on the spot, if you're honest.

"Your belt,” You nod down at his jeans, not able to wait any longer to begin, “Take it off."

He doesn't waste a single second in doing as he’s told. After all, he needs you.

•••

okay sooo there’s part 1. i wrote both parts in literally 40 mins, this one came so easily to me. such a fantasy tbh. second part is a lot more smutty, this one’s just the warm up ig. i like the buildup.

if you liked what you read then reblog n comment or some shit. feel free to give me any suggestions for new posts too. i loooove seeing what y’all want me to write ab next and i’ve honestly loved everything i’ve seen so far so i’ll be writing ab ‘em alllllll.

have a good day or night wherever you are n stay safe <3

- k

#eddie #eddie munson #eddie smut #smut #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie x y/n #stranger things smut #stranger things eddie #fanfiction #i love eddie so much #suggestion tingz #kilistina #kilistina <3

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cas-backwards-tie · 5 months

Text

Under The Moonlight

Vladimir Makarov x Reader

Summary: You think the Commander hates your taste in music. Why is he so judgmental about what you listen to in your free time? Turns out... maybe you were caught up on the wrong thing.

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: (Vlad should probably be a warning in of itself), Passive-Aggressiveness? , Spying, Grabbing,

A/N: Ugh... I love (and hate) this song bc it gets stuck in my head so easily and it gives me such fantasy vibes. I can't help but imagine wedding vibes and him with this song every listen. btw put two diff versions in links bc those are 2/3 that I have and listen to.

"You know Arabic?" He'd asked. The first time he'd stumbled upon you listening to the song, more than curious when you'd also been singing along. With a shake of your head and a slight smile of embarrassment simultaneously dusting your cheeks with blush, this only makes his eyebrows furrow. "Then how do you know the words?"

The laugh that tumbles past your lips does nothing but further turn up the heat on the already boiling frustration and inconsequential meltdown that will no doubt later take place. "By listening to it," you answer, an inkling of a smile returning in spite of his fury, "over, and over... and over again."

With an annoyed puff of breath you know he's done with you, about to make his leave. "Why?" You ask. For once, you've swapped places as your curious eyes seek out his form.

"Because it would be useful information to know." Ever the cryptic, of course that's all he leaves you with before turning his back to you, arms crossed over his chest as he exits the room.

The second time he hears the song, he's in between meetings. It's one of those rare days where he has a little free time, not that he knows how to spend that sort of thing anymore. Having entered the library, he can hear the radio playing the Arabic song once more. Your voice joins it, again, and Vladimir finds himself subtly eyeing his surroundings as the corners of his lips twitch, tugging at a smile.

He schools himself, able to keep himself in line. While the bookshelves keep him out of view and no one's in the vicinity, he quietly strolls through the stacks, hand grazing the many novels. It seems that now you've been here longer, you're starting to get more comfortable. Even if your voice isn't the loudest, the quiet nature of a library certainly doesn't help as it carries your voice, he's sure, outdoors to the nearby stationed guards.

Once he's around the nearest bookshelf, he peeks far enough just to see your visage. From this, alone, can he paint a picture. Hand still on the page, he imagines you'd been reading, the radio on quietly as background noise, no doubt something you've continued to use since you've yet to get used to the quietness his climate provides. Thus, the radios around the Compound offer solace. He's noticed you around them often. In your focus amidst the book, you'd been distracted by the song, a familiar tune on the radio beckoning your attention. Of course, not being one to resist temptation, you couldn't resist turning it up and singing along.

He can't deny you're awful. Otherwise, he'd probably have to shoot you. It'd grow to be a nuisance, really... and dangerous, a warning signal no doubt. Yet, there's an innocence about you when you sing. Mocha-colored eyes roam your features as he watches, mesmerized, your eyes closed, as your upper body moves to the music from your chair. The smile that graces your lips is one to remember, and it's one that has him equally awed, and yet... in amusement.

"You really don't understand?" With a swift turn, Vladimir reveals himself from the bookshelves, his hands clasped behind his back casually. The gasp and jump that he'd elicited from you does nothing more than garner a chuckle from him.

"Why do you care?" You ask, hand still resting on your heart as you attempt to catch your breath. Staring at him with wild eyes, it boggles you, the way you feel like he's asked you this before. It takes a moment, as it's been at least a month or so, but you remember that he has. He's asking again. "It's not like you know," you tease, poking him back. If there's anything you'd learned early on, and he'd learned about you... it's that you love to play with Vladimir by matching fire with fire. And, equally, he too, loves to do so.

"Actually, I do, любимая," he quips. With slow and calculated steps he begins approaching the table, eyes raking over you once and then twice. "and I don't! I can assure you. I only find it amusing how you seem more than content to sing something which could mean anything... according to you."

While he stops to close the book atop your hand, inspecting the spine and choice of leisure, you suspect. You place your hand atop his, afraid he's going to take the book. It's only when he meets your gaze briefly, long enough to narrow eyes at you before immediately departing for the door a few feet behind you. "Wait!" You call after him. Turning in your seat, a hand comes up to rest against the bulbous ear of the chair; thudding boots abruptly come to a halt as the Commander stops, albeit he doesn't turn around. "What does it mean, then?" You ask, words getting quieter as you start to lose confidence the further the moment continues.

"I'm sure you'd love to know." That's all he leaves you with. Dissatisfied and annoyed with the pettiness and childlike behavior the Commander can sometimes exhibit, you ignore him whenever you can. After all, while he may have originally intrigued you, whatever curiosity you had is not worth whatever outcome you receive in the aftermath of one of his moods.

When you finally find out what the song means, it's at a moment you were completely unexpecting it. After a successful mission, you'd all celebrated by building a big bonfire at camp, sitting around after dinner, sharing stories, and drink. It's not every day you get to let loose, and while normally there's a fairly tight schedule to work around, you know better to take advantage of a free day when you can. With this in mind, you drink to your heart's content. After all, it's on the Commander, right? Listening to the stories, your head leans back against the wooden makeshift benches as your eyes find the bright stars above.

It may be an effortless attempt to map them out, or mentally draw out the constellations you know, but as you listen to the jokes, the stories, songs, and laugh along, it isn't until there's a momentary silence that you finally raise your head again. Scanning around the fire, you notice that everyone's gone to bed, it seems. And sure, while it's been a long day and it'd been getting late, you didn't think everyone would've left so soon. Yet, your eyes are drawn to the only other pair you see, staring at you from a few feet to your right. The last person left at the fire.

"You're not tired?" He asks, and it's weird. It's like there's no mask up this time. You're not sure if it's the alcohol playing tricks on you right now, or if you're really hearing him correctly, but he almost sounds... genuine.

Head leant back against the wood once again, you let it loll to the right, finally able to meet his gaze. The flames make his eyes shine brightly, his features illuminated in a fiery glow. His hair is slightly amess, some strands not falling in the same direction as the wind has blown them around. Nose and jaw sharply outlined by the shadows of the night, you can't help but feel warmth, and not because you're both sitting right in front of the fire. Eyes having roamed his features, they finally meet his again as he turns his gaze from the fire once more to you, clearly anticipating an answer.

With a shake of your head, you do nothing to stop the way your lashes slowly flutter, the mere thought and mention of sleep threatening. As you lift the bottle in your hands to your lips again, wanting to finish the last little fifth or sixth of drink left in it, you're met with a disgruntled hum. "I think you've had enough."

The words should be a warning to you. A loud and clear signal as to what was about to happen, and yet you hadn't put two and two together in your intoxicated state of mind. "Mm-mm. 'Slmost finished," you manage to slur out. Lifting the bottle again, Vladimir is quick to stand, closing the space between you as he snatches it out of your hand and tosses it into the fire. The glass breaks, flames fanning higher momentarily as he reaches under your armpits and lifts you up. There isn't much of a struggle considering you can't put up much of a fight in your state.

"It's time you get some sleep," he states, wrapping an arm around your back as he attempts to guide you to a tent. He guides you outside of the fire circle until you don't move. And while he's a strong man, perhaps it's the drink, or he doesn't know what, but you're being as stubborn as a rock.

"What's it mean?" You ask. This takes him aback; the Commander knows you're not ignorant, and while you may be drunk, there's certainly no way that vodka, or any sort of liquor no matter the quantity is capable of erasing such a simple fact as the meaning of sleep. While he takes a step back, eyes beginning to search for signs of injury, it isn't until he follows your gaze that he understands.

Albeit the distant snoring, the wind, the roaring fire, and crunching of both your boots, he hadn't realized. It was quiet, the radio on the other side of the firepit. The device had been left on, and while the two of you had stayed awake he hadn't paid too much mind to it, yet now he can't help but smile. Of course, of course of all moments this song would play. Right now.

"You really want to know?" Vladimir asks, not backing away as he towers over you, eyes meeting your face in the darkness as he waits for your attention to find him again. After all, perhaps with the way he's been the one to hear you all these little times, maybe... just maybe it could be a sign.

Ridiculous, of course. That's what he told himself for months now, too good to be true. He knows what he's done... what he's had to do. What he will do and must, not just for himself but for his people, for the planet, in order to not only survive, but bring the world to a state that will be beneficial for all. Nevertheless, they always say there's a price one must pay for such deeds. He knows this true... and while he might have dreamt at times of other lives and wanted for other things, those boy's dreams were crushed long ago.

That was... until the radio started playing that song only moments ago. As he scans your face, eager and almost impatient for you to turn your eyes on him, when you do, it's not what he expects. The scoff that meets him leaves him taken aback. Met with an eye roll, and an attempt to walk past him. He knows. He knows he can be rough, and while it might be harsh he grabs your arm and keeps you from walking any further away. Whatever prize he thinks he's found, whatever omen, sign, or soul tie... he's not letting this go. He's not letting you go.

"I know you're just gonna trick me again, okay?" While other times he might be delighted to hear that you think he'd play games with you, nothing but stoicism sits on his features.

Bringing you in close, he searches your eyes as he whispers. "The love words of his eyes are sweeter than songs." Vladimir cautiously places a hand on your waist, the one holding your arm releasing its grip as it slides up to rest on your shoulder. "From a couple of words, from a greeting, I become someone else. When he sways, my heart sways with him. I may sacrifice my eyes and whole life for him, and it's too little." He repeats the words, the two of you gently swaying in the moonlit camp as the music quietly accompanies him in the background through the aged radio.

"My night, oh, night, my night." It feels as if with each passing moment his voice somehow gets quieter and quieter if that was even possible, yet you're already so impossibly close. "Oh night, my night, his love makes the night longer. The love of years between him and I. Just one more step, my heart, it's not a fantasy." Your noses just barely brush against each other, breath mingling in the space between you.

"My soul just go with him and get lost in his beauty. His covets the magic of life, his charm extraordinary. The one whose eyes the moon envied. The smile is the shining sun." There's no denying the heat between you, the tension thick in the minimal space between you, both of your eyes closed as you revel in this moment. Yet, he knows he shouldn't. You wish he would. As the song comes to an end on the radio, he's the first to open his eyes, eager to watch your open yours. As you do, it's the same happiness and adoration that he's seen you with on your expression even when you had no idea what the song had meant.

You might not have known what it meant... but something about the vocals and the expression of the song had just given you the sense that it had been about exactly everything Vladimir had just described to you. "Thank you," you whisper, not quite ready to leave this moment. Not ready to leave his arms.

Zziiippp!!!

The sound of a tent opening nearby causes both of you to distance yourselves, something within each of you sobering up instantly. While, sure, he's the Commander and can have anything he wants... you both know things are better this way.

____________

translations:

любимая = loved one / darling / lovely

forever taglist: @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo ,@ohdamnadam

#cod mwiii x reader #cod mw3 x reader #vladimir makarov x reader #call of duty modern warfare 3 x reader #makarov x reader #cod mwiii makarov #cod mw3 makarov #my writing #my fics #cod fanfic #cod x reader #not proofread #not beta'd #song fics #song fic

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mr-styles · 10 months

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Aube Perrie is doing his best to keep things slimy and gross.

Some excerpts from Aube Perrie's recent article with promonews.tv:

PROMONEWS/DK: I was going to say that you’ve had a busy year so far, but I guess that this run of work has been going longer than that…

AUBE PERRIE: I have a bad memory for these things, but it's been pretty continuous. And I guess it started around a year ago, when Harry's team, actually H’s creative director Molly Hawkins and Columbia’s SVP Bryan Younce reached out and we started to try to make something happen for the new album. That's when, among other things, I wrote Satellite and Sushi. Satellite was actually written first.

I mean, there were also a couple before that - it was a long process. Among many things, Molly Hawkins is a brilliant creative director. She’s very cautious about the work they put out there, and so is H, Bryan and this whole team. But I was very fortunate and spoiled enough for having them letting me explore on a couple tracks, being extremely open and supportive. The process spread on a whole year, but that was all to the benefit of pushing the creative, pushing the ideas, giving ourselves the opportunity to explore and use the time to make something that really feels right.

When Satellite was written, I think we all liked it, but it just stayed only as an idea, we kept exploring, maybe we weren’t going to do it. And then it came back like, months later - after Sushi. It was a busy year but giving lots of time to reflect, to develop.

What did they give you, to prompt your ideas apart from the music?

The briefs were very different. Satellite was completely open. For Sushi they actually mentioned just one thing: Harry wanted to be a fish. That was the brief.

And he went from a fish to sort of disgusting Tulu octopus - that's what I was aiming for. I guess I didn't want to make a classic mermaid figure. And we tried to make it as disgusting as possible. But somehow, I don't know, Harry is so handsome…

Yes. So it still ends up being quite glamorous...

Exactly. It's terrible! But we really did our best to really make this world very slimy and gross - I kept insisting on that, and we were lucky to have everyone very much on board to go for a world that felt sweaty and textured. The texture of the tail and the squid body part had fight scars, our brilliant prosthetic lead Chelsea Delfino added the ones that white sharks have, went for a skin marked with shells. We really tried to put some gross details in there.

I wanted to design a world and restaurant location as disgusting as possible, that had this very odd and long back story. My friend and producer Josh Sondock took me to this great location that was already pretty intense, it has this crazy backstory that has been untouched, an amazing kitchen to work with - and we made it ten times worse. Still, H’s beard is kind of hot...

Having said that it's glamorous, he's still a very convincing man-squid. How did you go about creating something that good, that really does look like it was captured in-camera?

It was very much captured all in-camera. Time was challenging because we had very little time to build the tail, the prawn masks, in time to fit the schedule. H was in the middle of the craziest tour, to say the least. We presented two different options. Something more fishy - closer to the classic mermaid I guess, but still pretty gross and unsettling, more like a slimy eel– and the squid, which was more difficult to do, but got us very excited. And H, Molly, everyone went straight for the squid. So much fun.

Wow. Not much time to fit in a lot of narrative. Did you get a much of a chance to discuss with him beforehand what was going to happen?

H definitely kept an eye on everything and it was nice to have him excited and on board jumping into a huge slimy tail and catching fishes in-camera beforehand, so we knew the main challenge would be to make it through the days. But at least we were all super aware of the challenge and up for it including H.

A lot goes through Molly, but they're also very close, so if you're discussing with Molly, you're discussing with H eventually. But I guess there was not so much discussion, but more support, especially for Sushi. It was just very easy and supportive and went very smoothly. There was just a lot of trust. And we were all here to try getting something fantastic.

I think we were all very strongly convinced it was actually good to try going for what was not so much expected of him. And I think we all were very excited picturing a result that felt like it had the potential to be quite unique. Including H.

He's familiar with the film world, having done features, and I guess he's toying with his image in quite an interesting way. Obviously not all pop stars are prepared to do that.

More should - because…it’s fun. Take Sushi. The shot list was wild. We had one day with H. At some point, you have no time to always explain what you’re shooting all over the place with A & B cam, you just need to get on with it. I guess it was way more indie film than blockbuster. But H is blockbuster. So the day would be impossible without him being very much prepared to be on the same boat as everyone one else to get it, embracing it and having fun with it. There is just no other way.

But I’m so glad that’s who he is. Everyone saw that day he’s definitely amazing at doing that and getting it. He’s very much prepared indeed. And by focusing the energy on nothing but getting it, it allows space for fun. And more than anything, it was all a lot of fun. That’s how it should be.

You can read the whole article here!

#harry styles #aube perrie #mentions

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strangesthirdeye · 5 months

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Under the root of Yggdrasil (Loki x fem! Reader)

Summary: Sometimes being able to see your loved ones from afar is good enough.

Warning: It's Loki who doesn't like him. Medium angst, Loki s2 ep 6 spoilers? Norse Mythology, acceptance, Loki needs a hug,

As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Staring at the one spot makes all the views in the corners of your eyes blur as you only focus on one spot. Your mind is somewhere else while your fingers unconsciously fidget on Loki's broken tempad. It's been a few weeks since the temporal loom event.

Since Loki sacrificed himself to save the entire timeline even universe. He's not dead but his absence is enough to make one. The way he smiled in sadness and willingly to be a pillar of the tree of life and also the way he said 'I love you' for the last time to you made you enough to shed tears.

All the events are back to normal and like nothing happened, yet you feel empty without Loki's presence. Mobius? He is retired. B-15? she's also thinking of retiring. O. B? busy with everything. And you don't want to bother Casey as he seems quite busy too.

While Sylvie, she has returned to her universe and that was the last time you saw her. She is still in the phase of accepting the truth after witnessing Loki's action.

How about you? It is very difficult to accept the fact that Loki is no longer with you. But still, you have to keep moving and living as normal. Which is quite difficult because you are both attached hip to hip to each other. Never lost from each other. Always found one another.

But ever since the Temporal Loom problem everything changed as Loki suddenly or willingly saved the Timelines by 'sacrifice' himself. you? You just let out an anguished loud shout to tell Loki to stop. But, Loki ignores it hoping you all are safe.

It was very difficult at first after a few days after the whole TVA problem. After Loki became the main pillar of the tree. Everything reminds you of him.

Not once, but many times. You yourself can't ignore that feeling but the next thing you know you're staring at nothingness with your cheeks wet with tears. You miss him and worry about him at the same time. Which makes you wonder in your mind. What is he doing now? Is he lonely? is he okay? All those questions running around your head which make you more sad and worried.

You always think about his well-being. You wonder if he can see you now from the Yggdrasil tree. Seeing yourself who cannot accept the fact that he is 'gone'. After all those things you both went through. Is this the ending you both got? Away from each other. Lost a loved one? is that the ending you both get? Funny.

Sometimes, if you are too worried about him or miss him, you will go to TVA and to the place where the Yggdrasil tree is shown behind the glass of the room where you, Loki, Sylvie, Mobius, Victor, O. B and Cassie were before.

Staring at the tree for a long time as you make sure that he is not alone although you can't see him. The green glowing tree really reminds you of him. And you hope he is fine there. Sometimes, O. B will come to check up on some technology in the room and notice you in front of the glass mirror standing stiffly with your eyes looking at the tree. He gives you a sympathetic look even if you don't look at him but he knows you just want to make sure Loki is okay.

'You look sad, when you think he can't see you'. Ever heard? yup, that's what you've been going through all along. Thanks Molly Hooper.

But what you don't know is that Loki actually has the same feelings as you. Missing, worried and sad. He missed you, He worried about you and He was sad that he couldn't be with you.

But, he can't do anything. His duty is what he has to do to make sure all Timelines are under control.

He missed your touch, he missed your voice and he missed your smiles. And he can only see you from afar. And that was enough for him.

#loki series #loki season 2 #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader angst #loki x y/n #loki laufesyon x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddelston loki #tom hiddleston x reader #Spotify

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katebeckets · 1 month

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the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

#ttpd #tswift #low key mutuals you might not want to read this

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