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wangxianficfinder · 2 months

Text

In the mood for...

Feb 26th

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1. hi, would like to ask if you know of any fic about the sunshot campaign after a failed golden core transfer. thank you :)

Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WWX & WN & WQ, JC & WWX, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Angst, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Dark, BAMF WWX, mentions of abuse, Not Everyone Dies au, XY doesn’t have a happy ending) IDK about failed transfer, but this is a Time Travel AU where WQ travels back to when she was performing the transfer & refuses to go through with it

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2. Hello! I have been reading a fic where the elder Lan Wangji Hanguang Jun time travels into the past time in Cloud Recess during the time when his Younger self and Wwx were studying

And then wwx is all over the older Hanguang Jun fawning and fussing .

Fic like Vinegar Jug by Dandelion Sun .

Or something similar coded. @lostsoul234

💖 Hanguang-jun’s Husband by lilacevergarden (alittlemorecreative) (T, 6k, wangxian, time travel, bullying ur younger versions, jealous wwx)

💖 From the Future for the Past by friedchickenlord (G, 27k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, first love, love confessions, fluff & humor, denial, pining, happy ending)

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3. Tysm Mods for all you do to accommodate and keep up with these asks and recs. As well as all your efforts in keeping up this site. We all appreciate it very much.❤️❤️🥰

But, here’s the ittmf ask. I’m looking for longer fics, (30k+ words) for modern cultivation aus. I’m looking for something like the societies portrayed in Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! byKizuKatana or All Old Things are New Again byThe Feels Whale (miscellea) would be great, but just give me what you’ve got. I’m hungry for more, does anyone have any good ones? @omgnectarina

I feel like I win when I lose by so_shhy (T, 25k, wangxian, modern cultivation, Sports AU, Getting Together, some semblance of a plot, gently implied 3zun, obsessively observing someone from a distance is super romantic, LWJ pls use your words, really WWX cannot be blamed for obliviousness in this one, WC causing trouble, WN is precious, Fluff, Podfic Available)

Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy (T, 87k, wangxian, modern cultivation, music, kid fic, action/adventure, canon typical JGY behavior, slow burn, fluff & angst, happy ending)

🔒 close the door behind me, i'm leaving by thelastdboy (M, 3k, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, Madam Lan & LWJ, Modern Cultivation, Canon Divergence, POV LWJ, Character Study, Coming of Age, Past Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Neurodiversity, Autism Spectrum, Situational Mutism, Hurt No Comfort)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) Idk how close these are to what OP wants, but I've been reading a lot of Modern Cultivation fics recently, so here's my fave so far

something wicked by isabilightwood (T, 13k, wangxian, modern with magic, coffee shop AU, Animal Transformation Curse, Bunji, LWJ is a Talking Bunji, True Love’s Kiss, Specifically the Same Type of Love, Miscommunication, Pining, Jealous WWX, WWX attempts to set LWJ up on dates, LWJ is not having it, WWX is an empath but he’s bad at telling how people feel about him, Friends to Lovers, Moms and WCZ Live, blink and you’ll miss it implied 3zun, Werewolf Baker WN, extremely mild angst, Fluff, minor background WQ/JYL/JZX, Halloween)

The Curse Breaker by NebulusCharlie (Not rated, 34k, wangxian, Curses, soft and fluffy WangXian, past mistakes, school of Cultivation, modern with magic, Definitely a happy ending, not much angst)

Extracts from the diaries of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, relating to the case of Lan Zetian (Nov. 4 to Nov. 27) by Accidental_Child (T, 6k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Case Fic, Epistolaryish, Diary/Journal, WWX-centric, LWJ-centric, Slow Burn, (academic), Enemies to Lovers, academic rivals to Lovers, Mentions of Murder, mentions of abuse, mentions of assult)

And you must keep your soul/ Like a secret in your throat by athena_crikey (E, 48k, wangxian, Modern with Magic, Vampire WWX, Cultivator LWJ, Case Fic, hur/comfort, Angst, Falling In Love, First Time, Reference to Torture)

那些年错过的大雨 (Nàxiē nián cuòguò de dàyǔ | The heavy rain we missed in those years) by PorcupineGirl (E, 29k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, Modern Cultiovation, Secret Identity, Wangxian Reunion, Dual Cultivation, Sorta kinda soulmates, but not a soulmate au, Consensual Non-Consent, Explicit Consent, Dom/sub, dom LWJ, sub WWX, Wangxian Have a Non-Con/Rape Kink, No Golden Core Transfer, discussion of mental health issues, WWX & LSZ reunion, Scheming NHS, NHS is Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Fic (except for how his fingerprints are all over it), Content Warnings in Chapter Notes, no lube we die like WWX's asshole)

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4. I've read a few fics with this lovely concept, but may I have more recs with talisman-genius wwx? getting rich/admired as a result of that is a welcome bonus! thank you💚

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 762k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) The ultimate Talisman Genius WWX Gets Recognition fic

🧡 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There) by H_Belle (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern Cultivators, Inventor WWX, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, YLLZ WWX, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Pining LWJ, POV WWX, Background Wangxian Getting Together, Jiangs are only mentioned in the passing, inspired by a tumblr post)

💙🔒 Away from Trouble by Ilona22 (M, 15k, WangXian, Not JC Friendly, LWJ/WWX Get a Happy Ending)

🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 46k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, JC Bashing, Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Bashing Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Wooing, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, frankencanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not adopted by Jiangs, developing friendships, miscommunication, misunderstangings, nightmares, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, WWX’s fear of dogs, slow burn, cultivation world bureaucracy)

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5. this is for itmf! (no wips)

A. bottomji fics please

B. fics w lots of cuddling, soft fics (post- canon preferably, but anything is good!!)

5A)

do with me what spring does with cherry trees by jalpari (E, 34k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, No War AU, Bottom LWJ, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Idiots in Love, Touch-Starved LWJ)

this bed of love by YaYa (Terabyte_my_ass) (E, 4k, wangxian, Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Rimming, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Tender Sex, super sensitive LWJ, Blink and you miss it humiliation kink, and a little bit of praise kink, First Time Bottoming, Bottom LWJ, POV LWJ, Coming Untouched)

Respectable, Decent, and Quiet by Theotrix (E, 5k, wangxian, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, repressed LWJ, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Loud Sex, Emotional release, How about instead of more rules you get your disciples some therapy)

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you’ve met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation)

To Know, To Be Known by cqlorphan (E, 38k, wangxian, PWP, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Cock Warming, Multiple Orgasms, Marathon Sex, Under-negotiated Kink, Porn with Feelings, Aftercare, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, let lwj get railed agenda, LWJ Learns Some Things about himself, sex tears, gratuitous use of names, Begging, Kink Discovery, Post-Canon, Top LWJ, Bottom WWX, Switching, Light Bondage, Blow Jobs, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Let wwx get tied up but also let lwj railed, Repressed LWJ, Inventor WWX, Cock Rings, Angst and Fluff and Smut, begging, talking about feelings, Dirty Talk, Rough Sex, Dildos, Rimming, Edging) link in #15

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6. my first time sending an ask! this is for the i’m in a mood for thing, i wanted fics where xue yang ends up in the burial mounds and/or becoming wwx’s protégé, like canon divergence where he isn’t like a full spawn of evil

no one ever said the single-plank bridge had to be walked alone by rosemu (T, 124k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Yílíng Wèi Sect au, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Fluff, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Found Family, Slow Burn, LWJ and WWX get to be Dads together, the healing power of homoerotic flute/guqin duets, Happy Ending) XY is sent to the Burial Mounds to spy for JGY, becomes WWX's student & switches sides, is still snarky without being evil

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7. Hi! I’m in the mood for fics where WWX comes back in MXYs body but it’s absolute canon divergence from there. Thanks for all your help! @empress-of-elsewhere

Home isn't Where the Heart is. by Hauntcats (Not rated, 7k, wangxian) Technically already an AU before WWX came back, since LWJ noped out of the Lans while he was dead, but might still count for the request

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX)

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8. heyyy, do yall have a cross dressing comp.?? if not can u rec some (or put this in itmf?)

My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

Wei Wuxian, Who’s That? by bumbledees (T, 48k, wangxian, crossdressing, pining, sibling feels)

we’ll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixo (T, 38k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Catfish AU, Eventual Happy Ending, Crossdressing WWX, Rich heir LWJ gets catfished by pretty WWX online that’s it that’s the fic, Pining LWJ, Fluff, Humor, lwj is a grade A+ SIMP, Identity Porn)

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9. I've read a few fics with side plots of the lans learning about the culture of yunmeng and seeing all of the cultural differences, and was wondering if there were anymore fics like that? It could be any sect tbh I'm just super interested in the cultural differences between the sects. @reyoffuckingsunshine

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10. do u have some outsider pov mdzs fics (especially if it's like from any of the juniors or lan xichen )

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) Juniors pov time travel fic

Weep You No More, Sad Fountains by athena_crikey (T, 59k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LXC & JGY, Canon Divergence, Fix-it, Whump, Curses, Fever, Delirium, Stabbing, Loneliness, Confessions, LWJ's emotional repression, WWX giving everything as always, LXC realising sympathy is not support, LQR Being an Asshole) LXC POV

The Story of El-ahrairah and the Rabbits of Cloud Recesses by zylaa (G, 1k, wangxian, Crack, Fluff, literal fluff, it's all about the rabbits) Definitely outsider pov as it's from characters from outside MDZS canon

There's a Baby Loose in the Burial Mounds! by ScarlettStorm (G, 3k, LSZ is the best boy, even the ghosts think so, OCs, But they're all dead, What is a family?, the burial mounds, sentient burial mounds, don't worry wangxian are together and in love, that's just not relevant to anything that happens in this fic, radish truther agenda) POV various ghosts

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) LJY POC

pitfalls of greed by glitteringmoonlight (T, 3k, WangXian, POV Outsider, BAMF WWX, Kidnapping, Violence, YLLZ WWX, not exactly but the vibes are there, Post-Canon) POV random idiots

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) LQR POV

Oh, my precious didi! by PrinceInuYasha (G, 7k, wangxian, High School AU, LXC's pov, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Some angst, Protective WWX, overprotective LXC, Rumors, Established Relationship, bad boy WWX, but not really) link in #11

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11. Do u have some lan xichen or jin ling pov fics esp ones that are already not quite so popular on ao3

climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog, Podfic by RevolutionaryJo)

a symbol to remind you that there's more to see by paperminds (T, 9k, JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, canon-compliant, post-canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Mild/Moderate Angst with happy ending, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Twin Idiots, Reconciliation, JL has too many uncles, JL deserves a hug, JL will save us all, excessive verbosity by yours truly)

To Love What Is Mortal by treemaidengeek (T, 22k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Grief/Mourning, Fluff and Angst, Healing, past 3Zun, past SongXiao, background WangXian, background SL & WN, & LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, [Podfic] To Love What Is Mortal by flamingwell)

Gentle Exile by rynleaf (E, 9k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, References to Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Character Study, Epistolary, Post-Canon, Exploration, [PODFIC] Gentle Exile by flamingwell, semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

🔒hills and rivers are waiting by LtLJ (G, 15k, WangXian, CQL canon, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, domestic fluff and angst, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, BAMF WWX)

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12. I’m ITMF a fic where it’s a AITA au / where the characters are in a AITA scenario @zerokogane

Am I (Gusu Lan Cultivator, 24 M) the Asshole? by moonwaif (M, 41k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Oblivious LWJ, Jealous LWJ, Jealous WWX, Misunderstandings, No actual Wei Ying x Others, A "What If Wei Wuxian Figured Out His Own Feelings First?" AU, Hanguang-jun unlearns compulsory heteronormativity, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, give LWJ friends agenda)

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13. hi! for itmf i wanted to ask, are there any fics where cssr's infidelity accusation gets addressed definitively? it's mentioned sometimes but there aren't ever consequences for yzy or the other gossipers, or wwx doesn't get to honor and take pride in his parents (I'll also take any angsty options where the the jfm-bastard assumption gets wwx in trouble) thank you!!

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14. hey admins! i'm in the mood for any fics where wwx is depressed and sad, but people help him? i'm in an angsty mood, thanks!

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 53k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

🔒 tuck me in by belovedmuerto (T, 4k, WangXian, bed sharing, Hurt/Comfort, mostly comfort, Pre-Slash, Getting Together, Nightmares, expressions of care)

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15. hi! if you dont mind me asking, what is the mdzs/the untamed fic with the best smut you ever read? any kind of fic is fair game

Make me by anaphoricae (E, 180k, wangxian, Modern, Dom/sub, Dominant WWX, Submissive LWJ, Friends With Benefits, Pining while fucking, Co-workers, Praise Kink, Touch-Starved LWJ, Semi-Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Nipple Play, Mutual Masturbation, Overstimulation, POV WWX, In which I trick you into reading about Wangxian falling in love by making you think it's all just a smut fic, Brief Mentions of WWX/Others and LWJ/Others, Bondage, Blindfolds, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Flogging, Chair Bondage, Aftercare, Edging, Jealous LWJ, Facials, Come as Lube, and also lube as lube, Cock & Ball Torture, But it's mild, Coming Untouched, Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Face Slapping, Choking, Subspace, Couch Sex, LWJ sitting on WWXs lap agenda, Biting, Spanking, LWJ having his cheeks pinched as a treat, So much RESPECT and TRUST this is actually way softer than the tags make it seem, Bottom LWJ, POV LWJ, Rope Bondage, Office Sex, Rope Bunny LWJ, Spit As Lube, LWJ's canonical habit of keeping (stealing) Wei Wuxian's things, Intercrural Sex, Light Angst, Blow Jobs, Snowballing, Service Submission, Lingerie, LWJ's brain going BRRRRR, Jealous WWX, Cock Rings, Cock Warming, Collars, Power Play, Orgasm Control, LWJ and WWX's inability to pretend they're not actually madly in love with each other, slight degradation [Affectionate], Miscommunication, Impact Play, Rigger WWX, BDSM fetish party, Public Blow Jobs, Rope Suspension, Cuddlefucking, Fluff, LWJ and WWX being boyfriends without realizing they're boyfriends, Porn with Feelings, Body Worship) lots of bdsm and stuff so u might wanna check out the tags

🔒sleep in your bed by copperwings (E, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Fluff, Humor, Smut, Attempt at Humor, Boys Kissing, Emotional Sex, Anal Sex)

Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)

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16. Hi! This is for ITMF ✨

I'm looking for two kind of fics:

A) Cloud Recesses Arc where WWX and LWJ are together soon, Happy ending pls. I like longer fics, but shorts ones are OK. 🤗💕

B) Travel time fics where WWX (I prefer WWX but if it's LWJ it's ok too) travel in time to fix everything and save everyone. I love this kind of fics. Please give me all you have. Happy endings, pls. 💕😉

Thanks for everything!! Ily 🤟😊 @wangxiansgirl

16A)

❤️ Gentians in bloom by teawater (M, 251k, wangxian, canon divergence, political marriage, dysfunctional family, implied/referenced self-harm, hurt/comfort, fix-it, implied/referenced suicide, BAMF WWX, eventual happy ending, not YZY friendly, not LQR friendly (kind of), Mojo’s bookmark)

16B)

the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Canon) LWJ stuck in a time loop

Regrets by antebunny (G, 38k, wangxian, miscommunication, misundersandings, time travel fix-it, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort) Both LWJ & WWX time travel

Here With Me by iamwish (T, 58k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel Fix-It, No war AU, Not YZY Friendly, Somebody Lives/Not everyone dies, Established Relationship) WWX time travels

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) WWX time travels

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, slow burn, getting together, first time, pining, pining while fucking, burial mounds settlement days, angst w happy ending) LWJ time travels

🔒 Hope series by RoseThorne (M, 59k, wangxian, WIP, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Crying, Music, Nosebleed, Fear, Recovery, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Monsters, Sexual Tension, betrothal, Arranged Marriage, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect, Kid Fic, Epistolary, Food, Secrets, Resentful Energy, Cultivation Sect Politics, Character Death, Resentment, Anger, Explosions, Yīn Iron, Grief/Mourning, POV WWX)

Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (Not rated, 164k, wangxian, time travel, fix it, PTSD) It's the perfect angsty/cute combo time travel fix-it fix! Also fits #16A

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together)

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17. Hola! Nice to meet you ☺️

I want to ask for some fics in ITMF. Lately I'm reading a lot of Wangxian fics where they kiss or confess in Xuanwu cave or Gusu cave. I like when they have their happy ending, long fics better. (I'm happy with mpreg and omegaverse too).

Thx!!

💙🔒 Wish I could forget the taste of your skin and the feel of your hands pinning me down by KizuKatana (E, 63k, wangxian, WQ & WWX & WN, modern w/ cultivation, getting back together, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, case fic, pining)

hope dangling by a string by KouriArashi (M, 70k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC & LWJ, JC & WWX, Alternate Canon, Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Psychic Bond, Telepathy, Communication, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, jiang family feels, Lan Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, canon typical political bullshit, improper use of sacred forehead ribbons, gratuitous hair washing)

Quartet series by WithBroomBefore (T, 69k wangxian, JZX & JC & WWX & LWJ, Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, WWX's canonical comfort with the prospect of his own death, Hurt/Comfort, JZX makes friends, Eventual Happy Ending, some unhappiness along the way, Canon-Typical Violence, JC keeps his golden core, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Minor Character Death, Kissing, WWX Lives, no golden core transfer, JZX Lives, Fix-It, WN Lives, Weeping, temporary major character death, Murder Road Trip, Implied Sexual Content, Sunshot Campaign, Nonbinary NHS, Telepathy, platonic group soulbonding, Family, Found Family, POV WWX, Podfic Available, Siblings Sworn Brothers, aroace JZX, Happy Ending, all the Wen remnants live, POV JZX, JGY is less murdery, Asexual Character, Aromantic Character, JZX's social awkwardness, Poison) the first part starts with the Xuanwu cave and confessions/realisations.

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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hecksilver · 5 months

Text

What If: Jordan got rejected?

hello, i'm here once more, late at night with another story, yay :) i hope you guys enjoy, i'm using this to get a grip with my writing so feedbacks are welcome. also i'm open to requests & asks!

word count: 2.422

It all started with Forensics.

The one class, other than Brink’s, that every single student in Crimefighting major wanted to attend.

Ministered by professor Clancy, it was focused on preparing students for a career in – as the major’s name itself already implied - crime fighting by means that when beyond just the use of brute force.

The studies spanned the fields of hero anthropology, superheroes bio-chemistry; biology of super abled bodies, chemistry of brains and bodies under the influence of Compound V, physics and psychology specialized in superheroes and sociology of a society with super powered people. It was a quite extensive coursework, it required perfect grades, above 75% class attendance percentage independent of the major (but let’s be real no one in fucking Performing Arts were trying to get into Forensics), GPA of 3.7 or above – professor Clancy was ridiculously strict about who’s taking her class –, and a previous knowledge of the basics of lifesaving techniques (which, curiously, wasn’t include in God U’s curriculum).

Anyone who managed to get a chair during this class was considered to be blessed. Those who were accepted in the course had with certainty guaranteed, at the very least, a B-rank city contract. Also, the sponsors really enjoyed pumping up the academics, it made them look good – no one wanted to be at the mercy of a hero that didn’t knew how to do fucking CPR.

And Jordan has been killing themselves for one of the very, very few vacant chairs.

Technically Clancy’s class was already at full by the standards of elective programs of God U, having filled all the 10 slots in three days – but, it seems that, professor Clancy had a new TA, who Jordan had heard off more than seen, who’ve convinced the woman to open more two positions.

And so a bunch of sophomores, juniors and seniors (and some stupid freshmen who really thought they could stand a chance) started to go fucking berserk on each other. From sabotaging each other’s applications forms to actually starting brawls in the middle of the halls, and even getting some people badly hurt just to show-off how well they could perform lifesaving.

It was fucking chaos, because of course it was.

Jordan wasn’t partaking in any of the violence and dirty mess, nah! Their act was all about subtly. They kept tabs on anyone who had already taken, or tried to take, Forensics with Clancy; making small talk, flirting, even fucking some hot piece of ass (this part wasn’t all that difficult), just so they’d know when the Intro to Forensics would be open – and they all said the same thing,

“Well, Clancy usually opens the application forms on the second week of the month, but her new TA’s the one making the calls now, so I don’t know…Anyway, can I get your number?”

And, fuck, that made everything ten times harder because Jordan had no damn clue who was Clancy’s TA. They heard her name, Maggie (or Molly, or Mary) something-something, or anything like that – they were pretty sure it had an ‘M’ in it, maybe two. But they didn’t catch her face anywhere so it was practically impossible to know, they looked for anyone with a similar name so they could sweet talk into giving him one of the two spots; but, it appears that, Clancy’s new TA was fucking Amish or some shit.

As far as they could guess at this point, this TA didn’t have a goddamn phone, or just couldn’t be social for shit.

Maybe their account was priv. But that would be simply really dumb considering one of the main points of God U’s was gaining social traction and nothing was better than Instagram and Tik Tok for that.

The running around was starting to piss them off. And it got worse when they found out, at their stop by Vought-a-Burger before their next class, that Luke had manage to get one of the vacant spots. His friend at least had the sense of looking sheepish when he broke the news – Brink had get him the spot, as a highly scouted hero and future prospect to the Seven, it was of high importance that Luke took all the classes that could help him get a better leverage until his departure to The Tower (also, it looked good on social media and in the interviews they get him to do).

So now there was only one spot.

Jordan was happy for their friend, they really were. But holy fuck! How unfair was that? And it seemed to be usual to this point. Since Brink had taken Jordan under his wing, making them his TA in their freshman year, helping them with sponsorships and brand deals and marketability, being more of a father figure to Jordan than their own dad, seeing the value in their powers, in their capability to learn, to thrive, to be the best of the best – however, since professor Brink had showed that he believed, truly believed, in Jordan one thing was always pretty clear, cut-and-dry: Jordan was the apple to Brink’s eyes…After Luke.

If Jordan was a shining star, Luke was the motherfucking sun. Untouchable, unreachable. Jordan would always the God U’s top 3, but they would also always be number 2.

And that fucking hurt. Why Brink didn’t help them? Why, didn’t Brink talked to Clancy’s about Jordan as well? If he valued them so much, why Luke always came first, why couldn’t the game be even?

Jordan manage to smile, nonetheless, and throw out a petty joke about how Luke was only there so people think he actually new CPR and he wouldn’t make a fool of himself in public – they laughed and that was it.

For the rest of the week Jordan worked hard. They didn’t took breaks, studied their ass off, was the first to came into Brink’s office and the last to leave, didn’t missed any class, and nailed all the exams, home-works, group projects, and essays.

Jordan was perfect and seemed like it would all pay-off when, in a morning they were just passing Brink’s schedule of the day, the man looked at him up and down.

“So, Jordan,” he said, resting back in his chair. “Luke told me you’re interest in taking Forensics as an elective program.”

“Oh, yes professor,” they nodded trying not too look so hopeful, or disappointed.

“There has been a lot of competition this semester,” he continued. “Clancy did good putting that girl there, she knows how the keep people on their toes.”

That girl. Clancy’s TA. Maggie (or Macy?).

“Here’s a tip,” Brink inclined himself forward and Jordan, without realizing, did the same. “Clancy might’ve mentioned the intention of opening the forms next Friday; you should keep an eye out.”

Jordan smiled. So large and so bright the dimple in their face was threatening to just burst. “Thank you, professor. I’ll keep a watch.”

And so they did. Never before so excite about a Friday in their life, taking in a brutal amount of workload to keep their mind from worrying ahead of time, but it was almost impossible now that they had a clear shot of where to go.

And when Friday came Jordan was up, bright and early, with heavy bags under their eyes and a thick vein jutting out in their forehead as they turn their computer on, and logged in the God U student portal.

And there it was, in bold blue letters on his screen.

Intro to Forensics – Form Application [pending]

It was a typical class form with question about the Crimefighting major and previous knowledge in the aspects of Hero Ethics and Combat 101. Jordan finished in less than minutes before sending it.

Intro to Forensics – Form Application [finished]

Now they just had to wait.

----

And wait they did. Trying not to let anxiety take over their body, this was one of the moments Jordan was thankful for Andre existing – and for him to be a huge nepo-baby with tons of cash.

The weekend passed like a blur, there was a kickback at some point in someone’s dorm – maybe Andre’s? Jordan didn’t actually remember. But the important thing was that there were enough drinking, popping pills, and snorting coke for Jordan to finally set their mind into something that wasn’t work. They ignored calls from their parents, let Brink emails pile themselves up in their inbox and just enjoyed the girl gurgling down their cock.

When Monday came they felt trashed.

There was a horrible taste in their mouth, hair was a mess, the clothes on their body weren’t theirs, someone vomited on their shoes (the fucking white Vans, fucking hell!) and headache, because obviously. They felt groggy and thirsty and when walking by the mess that was the residence hallway, they slipped in someone’s naked body and almost fell face first in some guy’s dick.

They checked the clock in their phone, 6:23 AM. They had time to go to their dorm and take a shower before going to Brink. There was barely anyone on campus yet, most students were sleeping or too deep down in an alcoholic coma, or and overdose, who could tell.

They only had half the mind to check the student portal for schedule update and…

“What the fuck?”

---

They entered the Crimefighting building with more than just intention, Jordan was pissed off.

The headache was still there, hammering inside their head like a bitch and they’re hungry as hell, there was still that horrible taste in their mouths and going to the Forensics course floor was a detour that would probably eat their time to take a shower and fix their hair – but fuck that in the moment.

They took the stairs two at a time, ignoring every one until they reached the entrance of professor Clancy’s office. It wasn’t much different them Brink’s office foyer. If anything it looked a lot more clinical, with the light-colored walls and flooring, the painting in the walls were of weird-ass abstract art, and behind a desk very similar to their own, was who he assumed to be Clancy’s TA.

And holy fuck! She was hot. Like striking beautiful, the type that made them glance once and then double take to be sure what they’re seeing was actually real, and it was, gladly. Brown skin that looked very soft, well-set curves and a face was just stunning, with pretty features, big brown-doe eyes and plump lips that made them think how good they would feel. The type of girl that could drive them insane with just the right bat of her long eyelashes.

She didn’t look at them at first, too focused on whatever she was typing, so they measured her. She wasn’t that tall, but taller than their female form, she had some necklaces dangling by her lean throat (fuck, what could they do to that throat) and wore a dark-red tank top that showed up her arms and hugged the contour of her tits in a sinful way.

With their knuckles Jordan knocked her table; she glanced at him, her face completely unimpressed. She annoyingly pulled her earphones off and ran her eyes up and down Jordan’s figure, her glance stopping by the base of their neck before finding their face.

“Can I help...?”

“You’re Clancy’s TA, Maggie, right?”

“My name’s Marie.” Fuck. “If you want to talk with Professor Clancy you must make an appointment at the student attention office by sending an email. They're open from 10 a.m until 05 p.m. And 12:30 a.m until 03:00 p.m on weekends.” She said, quick and uninterested, going back to whatever she was doing before they showed up.

“Yeah, that’s not why I’m here,” she still wasn’t looking at the, scribbling something on the notebook by her side – even her writing was pretty. “There’s been a mistake, with my schedule.”

“Oh, really?”

Jordan raised their eyebrows. Sarcasm? Seriously?

“Yes,” they hissed. “I signed up for Clancy’s Intro to Forensics, but is nowhere on my schedule.”

Marie (their not going to forget that name) signed and looked at him, eyes so open and yet Jordan couldn’t take a guess for dear life about what could be going through her head.

“What’s you name?” Her voice was so stale, as if she was reading a script.

Jordan frowned. “Jordan Li…” she types swiftly on the keyboard, her hands are way to fucking pretty too like, damn. “I’m, like, rank number two.”

“Good for you, I guess,” Well, okay, fuck. It would be better if she just told them to fuck off already. “It seemed that you were rejected…” she meets their eyes. “Jordan Li, rank number two.”

“Sorry, what?” Jordan chuckled. “What do you mean? I sent the form as soon they’re open.”

Marie just wasn’t even pretending to pay attention, setting herself aloof. “We’re crowded. Professor Clancy’s class is much requested and the last two vacant spots have already been taken, so…Sorry.”

“Wait,” Jordan chimed, they didn’t want to lose their shit right now, and they already felt like shit. “This can’t be.”

Marie shrugged. “Better luck next time, I guess.”

“Who took the last chair?”

“I won’t tell you that,” Marie huffed. “Look, I’ve been receiving shitty emails of entitled top 10 all weekend, so let me make this easy for both of us – most of you top 20s, 10s and 5s, think all you’ve gotta do is show up, major in Crimefighting, crush at Forensics and Combat 101, and score a city contract, that easy; but life is way harder than that.” Marie inhales deeply, inclining herself forward to read something on the computer screen. “All the spots of Forensics had been taken by people with cleared techniques in lifesaving, along with crime fighting. And you...You didn’t even sign up the Safe-on-Campus petition.”

Jordan breathed, deeply. Fuck that she was pretty and hot as fuck; they never felt so much anger towards someone before. Who did she think she was?

“Now, I’m kind of busy, so if you can…”

“I want to talk to Professor Clancy about this.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I made the call, I’m her TA.”

“Oh, so it was your decision?” Marie inhales heavily once again. “Who the fuck do you think you are to reject me?”

Their glances were set on each other so thoroughly Jordan could almost fell the weight, when she moved to stand up they responded by shifting into male, watching with annoyed satisfaction as she had to raise her eyes to keep their staring battle. Marie didn't faltered, though.

“I’m her TA.”

#lgbt #gen v #marie moreau #fanfic #fic #jordan li x marie moreau #jordan x marie #mariejordan #gen v marie #gen v jordan #limoreau #derek luh #jaz sinclair #london thor #hecksilver #imagine

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themidgardlibrary · 8 months

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Something that peeves me off is how people will claim that gifted kids were 'privileged' because of how adults treated us. And like. Bitch. No! There's a reason why so many of us are burnt out disasters! It's not a privilege to be told your primary, if not sole worth is your ability to do good on tests.

I never got praise from any adults for my actual inherent traits. I didn't get praised for my interest in art by any adults until I BECAME an adult. I didn't get praised for my thoughtfulness. I didn't get praised for trying to be fair. I didn't get compliments on ANYTHING unless it was related to my school work. My personality did not exist unless it was in service to my school work. I was a trophy, a bragging right, not a PERSON.

Like, I get it, being considered 'dumb' is ALSO hell - and surprise surprise I know exactly how that feels because the moment I struggled with anything I was accused of purposefully being stupid, or pretending to be stupid. The MOMENT I was not performing I was clearly just being stubborn, not, you know, finally hitting a wall of what I could understand without an adult explaining it, not, you know, someone with untreated ADHD who was hitting the early stages of a total burnout because it turns out that when you excel at academics, PEOPLE PILE MORE ACADEMICS ON YOU without regard for whether or not you can handle all the extra work.

At least in general non-gifted kids were allowed to have FRIENDS. And do things OUTSIDE of what would get them good grades. They were allowed to build up some form of self-identity or self esteem that wasn't directly connected to their grades. I and many other gifted kids didn't do that!

And, I need to make it clear, I'm not saying that gifted kids have it worse than normal kids or kids who do poorly in school. WE WERE ALL FUCKED OVER. Every last one of us was hurt because of this. The kids who struggled with schoolwork were written off as hopeless, or not worth the time to teach, as well as being compared to people who excelled. AND THAT IS INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP. Average kids were always being compared to both their gifted counterparts ("Why aren't your grades like your sister's?") and told very clearly they would be less valuable as people if they had any REAL struggles with school. Which, AGAIN, IS PRETTY FUCKED UP.

We were all used against each other, every one of us. We were all made to see each other as enemies, or superiors, or inferiors, when in reality we were all fucking KIDS with our own needs and specialities. The adults in our lives FAILED ALL OF US, and blaming gifted kids only serves to ignore that fact, while further victimising people who in a LARGE number of cases got demoted to 'failure' the moment we were no longer worth bragging about.

Have gifted kids pulled the "Well I'm smarter than you and that makes me better :)" schick? Yeah. And those individuals were being douchebags, often times douchebags who had NOTHING other than the fact they were doing well in school as a sign they had ANY value. Non-gifted kids have pulled the "Yeah you're good at school but you're also a loser who has no practical skills and also you're boring, and you don't deserve friends", and again, those were INDIVIDUALS being assholes, individuals who were constantly being made to see themselves as somehow less valuable. None of the 'sides' was perfect, and none of the 'sides' deserved what they got from adults.

And some of us? Some of us were 'privileged' to get it from both ends - being told by other gifted kids that CLEARLY our failure was a sign we were never really valuable to begin with, all while the people who knew our background as 'gifted' treated us with contempt and often rubbed it in our faces that we were failures.

Again, this insisting any one of the 'sides' was privileged in this situation is fucked up and only goes to further support this shitty system that assigns value to *anyone* based off of academic success when they should be focusing on making sure their kids are happy, healthy, and prepared for the world!

#gifted kid trauma

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with-the-flickers-of-light · 11 months

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in response to the rolling stone article

// or: in which i once again read the bullshit and criticize it, including quotes so you don't have to give them clicks

link: https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/other/we-wouldn-t-be-having-this-conversation-if-taylor-swift-was-a-man/ar-AA1bU70M

"Their sentiments were best summed up in an open letter on Twitter using the hashtag #SpeakUpNow (named after Swift’s upcoming re-recording of her 2010 album), which states that Healy’s many controversies “deeply trouble” them. “From engaging in racist remarks, making offensive jokes, and admitting to watching degrading pornography in which people of color are being humiliated and assaulted, his actions contribute to the perpetuation of hate, stereotypes, and objectification, which targets and hurts some people from the Jewish, Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Inuit, LGBTQ+ communities, as well as women.”"

I don't have anything to comment on with regards to the Speak Up Now hashtag, but I just want us all to keep in mind that this was quoted in the article, so that when we get to the next line...

"The statement refers to the derogatory comments Healy laughed about regarding the rapper Ice Spice on The Adam Friedland Show podcast in February and the questionable apology he delivered onstage last month."

... we can all recognize that the comments on Ice Spice were definitely not the only concerns. If you have to minimize the concerns in order to fight them, then you've already admitted defeat. (I don't even know why I bothered to read the rest of the article. Call it morbid curiosity.)

"This is all part of Healy’s artistry: an intricate, tangled web of bits intended to rile you up and piss you off. This is the guy who eats raw meat onstage, gives Nazi salutes, and delivers intelligent observations like, “I’m obsessed with my d*** for some reason.” Stupid S*** is his brand. Are we really supposed to take anything he says seriously?"

So what you're telling me is that giving Nazi salutes is his brand? I'm sorry, how is that meant to be a fucking defense?

I wouldn't "take him seriously" as in engage in real academic discussion with him, no, because he's acting like a fucking moron and there's a snowball's chance in hell of him responding to criticism in good faith (see: that time he was Islamophobic and refused to be corrected by an actual Muslim). But when a person shows you who they are, you believe them. He's saying stupid things, and I'm "taking him seriously" in that when he acts racist, I call it racist.

"I’m not here to answer that, but I am here to tell you that none of it is Taylor’s problem. For the last 17 years, we’ve held this woman responsible for the actions of men she chooses to spend time with, and it’s time to stop."

I've not been on Swiftie social media for long, so I don't know a lot about what pre-Joe discourse was like. But from what I (as a non-Swiftie) understood of it, the criticism leveled at Swift was that expressed in "Shake It Off": "[she goes] on too many dates / but [she] can't make 'em stay". That's not criticizing her for men's actions, that was slut-shaming.

I also want to point out the use of the word "chooses". The author is blatantly acknowledging that this is a choice, while also saying we can't hold her responsible for it. I'm sorry, but if you make a choice, then you will be held responsible for that choice (that goes for both appreciation for the good and consequences for the bad).

"It would be fair to criticize her for walking out of Electric Lady with the ghost of Pol Pot or wondering why her dad and Matt Lauer are grooving out to her performance of “22.”"

Oh, yes, my favorite argument: absolve racist people of their racism because at least they aren't genocidal dictators. Did we learn nothing about systemic racism? During the Lover era, Swift acknowledged the importance of being anti-racist, not just "not racist". And "not a genocidal dictator" is an even lower standard than "not racist". So no, it's not ok to be racist, even if you're not a genocidal dictator.

As for Matt Lauer, as I understand it, then main allegation against him is sexual misconduct. In which case I would like to bring your attention to Where the Crawdads Sing and David 'O Russell. Huh, seems like this article is actually arguing that we shouldn't cancel Swift now, because we should've cancelled her back then.

"But this is just a hot sleazeball who wants Oasis back together (I don’t know about you, but I’ve dated a lot of guys who fit that description), and it’s up to Taylor to spend her time as she pleases."

A HOT SLEAZEBALL WHO WANTS OASIS BACK TOGETHER. That's what the author got from all of Healy's shitty behavior??? He's hot (ok fine whatever allos i'll never understand you). He's a sleazeball (yeah he does look like one). He wants Oasis back together (i have never listened to them and refuse to go down another research rabbit hole). Those 3 things seem pretty unproblematic, sure, and yeah, I'm sure plenty of people have dated those kinds of people.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL THAT HEALY HAS DONE. Like, fucking hell, I'm not sure how Nazi salutes or torture porn are ANYWHERE near the same fucking level as "wants Oasis back together". Do you understand how confused I am by this argument????

"“While individuals have the right to make their own choices and form relationships, we believe that it is essential for those in the public eye to take a stand against discrimination and hold themselves and their associates accountable,” the open letter reads. But that’s just the thing: We don’t treat Taylor like an individual."

... cool, cool, well then it's time to start treating her like an individual. Again, the author is not actually making counterpoints to the Speak Up Now letter; rather, it's picking random words to expound upon.

However fans treat Swift does not exempt her from being held to standards, m-kay? (If anything, existing so publicly and wielding the social power that she does means holding her to higher standards than randos with no influence.)

"We treat her like a deity, one who must re-record “Snow on the Beach” because the original didn’t have enough Lana, and who needs to get political again since it’s been three years and 119 days since she did so in Miss Americana, and that’s far too long."

...I'm so confused, what does treating Swift like a deity have anything to do with the "Snow on the Beach" re-record? I'm lost. Someone help me. I do not understand.

Also whatever the motivation behind re-recording "Snow on the Beach", whether or not it's apparently because we treat Swift like a deity... that's called capitalism? Fans have the right to criticize your work?

3 years and 119 days is actually far too long since getting political if you once said that you'd always stand with marginalized communities. And as I've said in other posts, she is getting political now by associated with Healy. That's a political statement, like it or not. So she's involved. We're just saying it'd be nice if she was involved in supporting human rights as opposed to torture porn!

"If Swift were a man, we wouldn’t be having this conversation."

... I have so many criticisms of "The Man", do not even fucking get me started.

(As I have also said before, feminism shouldn't be about giving permission to women to be pieces of shit: it should be about stopping men from being pieces of shit. I went over this in my post on "The Man" already, but here's my summary: pretty much every behavior exalted in "The Man" (both the lyrics and music video) is NOT admirable. I swear, no one wants to hear about how you're a millionaire when so many people in your country are struggling to pay rent, or tuition, or for life-saving medications. No one I know respects Leonardo DiCaprio's sexual habits; I thought we were all making fun of him for dating young women under 25? If you're urinating in public, I do not care if you're a man, a woman, or non-binary, I will be angry. Anyways, the point is feminism is meant to fight The Man, not to become The Man.)

I can't speak for anyone else, but personally? I'd be fucking pissed about this situation whether or not Swift was a man.

Can't wait to be accused of more internalized misogyny because I criticized a woman. Lay it all on me.

[screams]

#taylor swift (critical)#matty healy (critical)#swift/healy (critical)#cw racism

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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TW : systemic problems with education, childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, heavy gaslighting, bullying.

I just need to vent, comfort is appreciated but no pressure.

So basically I asked a teacher about systemic issues because I'm trying to find resources to help my little brother and it didn't go well

This person went to my uni for a presentation and she actually seemed to care, so I tried to ask about issues I've been through myself as a teen, and my brother is currently going through.

His/ my old middle school is a trauma farm at this point, there's overwhelming bullying and neglect, ect. My brother made some connections so it's not as bad, but I was left all alone because I had good grades (I was studying all the time because of family pressure & isolation).

I wanna to add that I'm french and while I haven't been to many other countries, from what I know we have a lot of elitism and pressure to perform academically. No matter how you feel, studies are the priority. Terrible circumstances like this are the perfect receipie for bullying - these kids have no outlet, so they turn to violence.

I thougt that maybe I could help my brother and the other kids if I tried to ask someone who cares, as a young adult and not a "kid" that no one believes. And all she said was that my brother should "tell the adults". The same adults I just explained do not care, do not help. It's like all they know is to repeat that you just need to seek help while blatantly ignoring those who fall through the cracks.

I'm not asking that person to fix everything, I know she can't and I'm glad she cares about her own students. But I was hoping to at least find something that could help. Or acknowledge that this problem exists, and explain it to me, or give me any advice in supporting my sibling..

My friend gaslit me as well, saying that it's too big of a problem. But to me we can't just brush this off, no matter how "impossible" it is.

Children are suicidal, they die from it sometimes. Some, like me, carry horrible trauma when they grow up. Mental illness develops or worsens. Those kids need help, no matter how "complicated" it can be for the adults.

I don't mind people who say "I can't fix everything, but I'll try to help", because they actually admit that there's a problem. Just a bit of honesty would mean so much to me.

I'm going to be okay because I'm better in uni, but it needs time to "pass", I feel really hurt.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you and your brother have been going through. Please know that it's understandable to feel hurt by all of this.

While I'm not French, I've been learning a lot about French culture and identity in college lately and I've specifically been learning about the elitist mindset that seems to ignore mental health and other pertinent issues regarding health and safety.

It sounds like the person you talked to maybe should've been more compassionate towards your situation and not just refer you to other people that have already proven unhelpful.

I think you're right that these issues shouldn't necessarily just be brushed off, they deserve acknowledgment and preventative measures. You're absolutely right that suicide is an important issue especially among children, and should be taken way more seriously than it is. People shouldn't wait for suicides to occur to help prevent it from occurring again. You're right that they need help no matter how complicated it may be for the adults involved.

Even if no one else acknowledges it, it is a problem, although there's only so much I can do. But it's still worth giving what I can, just as the other people involved.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw sui #tw sh #tw self harm

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swanimagines · 2 years

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(This is @myheartrevealed, by the way) Hi Jenni!! Congrats on 2K, that's so awesome! I would absolutely love a self-ship if you're up for it!

Name and pronouns: I go by Sam and my pronouns are she/her!

Appearance: I have light brown hair and hazel eyes (I like to call them reflective, because they lean more towards blue or green depending on what I'm wearing). I'm 5'5 and I love the dark academia aesthetic, so I wear a lot of neutral colors, sweaters, button downs, Docs, and leggings (which aren't really dark academia, but shhh).

Personality: I'm an INTJ and a ravenclaw. I usually come off as pretty standoff-ish, but it's mostly nerves. I have an anxiety disorder. I normally only have a few very close friends who I feel comfortable speaking vulnerably with or showing physical affection with in any capacity (hugging, holding hands with, resting my head on, etc.). I'm very determined and driven by the desire to spite anyone who thinks I can't accomplish something, usually academically. I hate being in a situation where I'm proven wrong, because I cannot stand the idea of someone thinking I'm dumb or incapable (although I feel that way about myself privately all the time).

Hobbies: Recently, one of my biggest forms of stress relief have been annotating my books. Books I've read a hundred times or books that I'm reading for the first time (once I have a sense for whether I'm going to like them or not). I just love books that have been well loved and I can't help myself from expressing all my thoughts, theories, unnecessary comments, and meme references in the margins. I also love to watercolor, specifically faces. I've been singing since I was a kid, taking part in choir, musicals, and private lessons. Since hitting college, I haven't really performed, but music still means a lot to me and I try to take care of my voice and sing often.

Who I'd like to be shipped with: Kaz Brekker or Jesper Fahey! Which ever one better fits what you want to do story-wise is fine with me!

Type of ship: A drabble would be amazing! But of course, do whatever you feel inspired to do! And I'm a sucker for some hurt/comfort

Thank you so much!!!! Congrats again!

(A reminder for everyone not aware as this has been asked a few times now; these ships were part of my 2k celebration and open only for a selection of people, and it will likely always be that way if I ever do ships again)

I come up with better ideas for Kaz so 😄

ALSO "I hate being in a situation where I'm proven wrong, because I cannot stand the idea of someone thinking I'm dumb or incapable (although I feel that way about myself privately all the time)." ARE YOU ME OMG YOU WORDED IT PERFECTLY, I've had this as a problem for years and I've gotten into a lot of trouble because of it because people think that I hate being wrong because I want to be always right and feel superior to everyone else but I haven't been able to word it before!!! (I have a really hard time to word how I feel, especially when I have to use my words vocally and if someone asks me "how are you", I never know what to answer, but I'll use this as a reference in the future, thank you 💕)

Kaz met Sam when he was fourteen. He had just broken his leg, and Per Haskell had dug up this young healer Grisha girl, no older than Kaz himself, to get his leg healed in return of a pouch of money.

The thing was, they hadn't sought her out sooner, it had been over a week already since he jumped down that roof. Kaz's bones had already started to mend back together and someone who hadn't known anything about medical attention had made the fracture even worse when they had tried to set the leg straight. So she told Haskell that there wasn't really anything she could do anymore apart from preventing a possible infection. Haskell hadn't been happy and threatened to leave her unpaid unless she finds a way to knit the bones back together, which had infuriated the girl, but she had to do her best. She tried to adjust the bone alignment as much as she could at that point but ultimately she had to settle for an imperfect resolution. The boy would be left with a limp. But at least his leg hurt slightly less when she finished her work, now he could sleep without waking up every hour to the pain.

Haskell still wouldn't agree to pay Sam, because according to him, they had agreed on her healing Kaz completely, which she failed doing. But he offered her a deal.

"We could have use for a healer. If you'll work for the Dregs for, say, a few months, you'll get your money," he proposed.

"A few months? For just a hundred and fifty kruge? Are you kidding me?" Sam scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

"It also caters meals, and a place to sleep. So yes, a hundred and fifty kruge for a few months."

She took in a deep sigh. "Three hundred."

"One eighty."

Sam thought about it for a moment. She desperately needed money to find a place to stay and to eat - and she had to start somewhere. A young girl like her wasn't picked out as the first one when it came to healing jobs, and she'd starve soon if she didn't get any money from anywhere. "You'd better not scam me or I swear..." she trailed off threateningly before going silent again. Then after a couple of minutes more, she sighed and shook her head.

"Two hundred," she finally said reluctantly.

Haskell smirked victoriously, offering Sam his hand. And so, she became a healer for the Dregs. Not for just a few months, permanently. It was Kaz who proposed to Haskell to hire her properly, saying they'd have use for her skills in the future too.

Sam had become friends with Kaz. Or rather, she had started to consider him a friend. And maybe something more was brewing under her hazel eyes as she looked at Kaz, a little bit more concern when he came to her with a stab wound than what she had with her other friends, and it didn't take long before her friends started teasing her about it. Especially when Jesper came along, he declared to recognize someone having a crush anywhere.

She wasn't sure how Kaz felt about her though. The boy was a complicated case, their whole relationship was complicated. Other days, Sam was sure she just saw him blush and hold back a smile at something she said to him and the next, he shot a glare at her if she complimented him. Maybe she was just imagining things, daydreaming invading reality.

Sam gave Kaz one of her watercolor paintings as a gift on his every birthday, and he bought her new colors and brushes in return. Sometimes, a book appeared on her night table out of nowhere while she was showering, and the only person she had told about wanting to read that book had been Kaz. But he never admitted it - didn't deny it either though. But their friendship seemed to grow every month - he even told her about Jordie.

As years went on, Kaz took Per Haskell's place as the leader of the Dregs. And suddenly, his relationship with Sam took a big leap of distance. She wasn't sure what was wrong between them but it seemed like he had no interest to spend time with Sam now when he was the leader and talked to her only about work matters. It frustrated her, and Sam wished he'd just tell her what was wrong. Had she done something? Pushed him too far without noticing? Or did he value his leadership more than their friendship now? Whatever it was, she couldn't understand why her best friend wouldn't see her anymore or talk to her unless there were business matters at hand.

There was something she didn't know though - the reason Kaz was distancing himself from Sam was exactly because he was a leader now. And if his enemies ever found out that Sam held Kaz's heart in her hands, he could lose her. And that would break him - Sam was his weakness, and he shouldn't have weaknesses. But he couldn't kick Sam out either, he would basically kick her straight to her grave if he did that.

Jesper and Inej both noticed what was up with them, and after weeks of him pretending not listening, he went up to Sam's door, telling her he wanted to speak to her.

She let him in, and they just stood there for a moment. Kaz was trying to form his thoughts into words and force them out while Sam hugged herself.

"I'm scared of you getting hurt." Kaz muttered finally, his voice hoarse. He squeezed his cane and continued, "if any of the rivaling gangs gets to know how valuable you are, they're going to kidnap you." And if they find out how much you mean to me.

The girl frowned, plopping down to sit on her bed. For a moment, Kaz was taken back to the first night of her trying to heal his leg.

"I don't like to be touched," he had told her, and Sam had offered him a reassuring smile.

"I'll try to be quick."

And then she had talked with him about anything and everything, tried to distract him from her slight brushes against his leg as he tried to inspect the bone fracture properly.

Then Haskell had told Sam that she has to get Kaz walking properly within a few days as that was what was agreed on. Kaz remembered staring at the ceiling that night as Sam had applied some numbing cream on his leg, and he had just bit on his lip hard enough to draw blood, trying to hide his panic attack from her. Water, bodies, rot, Jordie dragging him under. All those images flashed through his head. Sam seemed to notice something wrong, and paused and was about to ask something, but Kaz turned to his side and vomited on the floor before she could. After, she didn't ask questions about it, which had made Kaz grateful. Most of the time, people would try to draw out an answer to why did he become so pale or angry at someone who was just ruffling his hair. But she hadn't asked anything, she even helped him to clean up.

That night alone had made Kaz to begin falling for her, he had later realised. The first person who actually cared of their patient and not "just" do the job. Sam had listened to him when he told her that he doesn't like touch, and had cared enough to stop when she had seen Kaz turning pale.

Sam's voice pierced his thoughts, "Kaz, are you saying that..." She left the rest of the sentence unsaid, but it hung in the air anyway. Kaz knew what she was going to say, and he nodded slowly.

She sighed softly, closing her eyes and Kaz saw a smile spreading on her face as she turned her face towards her lap. Kaz took it as a good sign, slowly sitting beside her on the bed.

"Inej was right," she mumbled and chuckled. Kaz frowned, but she didn't continue from that. Instead, she smiled at Kaz, inching her hand closer to his gloved one, but not touching. Kaz looked at their hands for a moment, and then very carefully, linked their pinkies. They both blushed at the contact and Kaz felt like a lovesick teenager, which he actually was right now, but he wouldn't admit that.

Maybe they could get their relationship to work, maybe he would be able to protect her. There were risks, but if they both were willing to face them... he'd give everything he had to keep her safe and happy.

#jen's 2k ships #2k celebration

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nagasakidivision · 2 years

Text

Up From the Ashes

I need to stretch out my short story writing muscles a bit since basically all I've done lately (as in.....the past three months, for the love of God please help me,) is academic and technical writing. I need to get used to writing these guys in prose so I'm going to fling out a quick story into the void. o^o This does take place after the first drama track, as it's during the preliminaries but it doesn't really spoil anything involved there beyond what's been heavily implied in the preview! This primarily focuses on and is from the view point of Haruto since he's the one I'm least accustomed to writing so I need practice but all of Thirteen shows up!

Well, Haruto thought, staring up at the tarp that accounted for a roof, that was a shitshow. The nicest thing he could say about their last battle was that technically he'd been the last person standing. Even if he had to be physically carried to the medical tent (Chuouku would not deign to give a small district like Nagasaki a proper medical bay for the tournament) by the on-site EMTs and blacked out somewhere along the way, he had survived.

There was a soft rattle as a bottle of pills hit the bed. He snapped his head towards the sound. Shirou, in practice the last to fall, was already back on his feet and seemingly doing just fine. It didn't necessarily surprise Haruto, at this point he was reasonably sure the coroner had talked to Death itself so much at his job that the two of them had a deal, and now he couldn't die.

Maybe Death had taken away his ability to make sound when he moved and that was how he was so damned quiet all the time. He'd lost count of how many times the coroner had accidentally snuck up on him and scared him out of his mind. He was as silent as the grave, you could say. If Haruto were in the mood he'd have let himself laugh at his own joke.

"Here." Shirou sat down on a folding chair beside the bed. "Painkillers. I'd imagine you're not feeling particularly well right now."

"How'd you guess?" It came out more snappish than he'd wanted, and he immediately regretted it. He took a breath, trying to force some of the tension out of his body. "Yeah. It doesn't hurt, though. Feels like a bad hangover."

"It will hurt soon." The coroner pushed the bottle towards him, then put a can of soda next to it. "Your nervous system's still in shock. Honestly, I'm surprised you can talk right now after that fight."

Haruto stared at the colorful label. "I don't drink soda. Too sweet for me."

"I thought you would prefer it to the coffee I make." His tone was as distantly polite as always, but a ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Drink it. Caffeine will make the medication hit your system faster. You can thank me later."

The philosopher grumbled, but popped the tab, dropped a tablet of the painkiller in his mouth, and slammed down the sugar-drenched monstrosity fast enough that he hopefully wouldn't taste it. In spite of his best efforts, the cloying flavor stuck to his mouth, intermingling with the sourness of the medication. He winced as he set the can back down. "God, that's vile."

Shirou sighed and shook his head. "Well, next time I'll make sure to bring some of that tea you'll actually drink with me."

"Appreciated," Haruto said flatly. "Remember, don't heat the water to a full boil, stop just short of it or you burn the tea. Oh, and the steep time is just four minutes. Don't go over."

Honestly, he thought, at this point he deserved it, and the second he got home he was breaking out the most expensive loose-leaf canister he had, and then the really expensive floral gin he'd been hoarding. Anything to keep himself from thinking about his performance in the local preliminaries.

It had started out well, at least when they were in the first few rounds and dealing with brand new teams in a minor district with only their mics and delusions of grandeur. Practice had paid off, and Shirou's experience was carrying them where Damien and Haruto's enthusiasm would have fallen short, and it felt for a moment like they could coast to a victory. They certainly seemed like the natural winners, and they started playing into it.

It was Damien's idea, he told himself, to try and lean into it. 'Work the audience a little,' he said. 'You'll do better if you have the crowd backing you.' Well, it did for the next few rounds. But now all his mind would fixate on was the bragging, the preening, the eyes of the crowd on him. It had come so naturally to him, too, if you wanted to get anywhere in his field, faking it until you make it was a skill you had to develop. Performing for an audience and performing for a group of more established scholars had little difference. But what had been fun in the moment when they were still winning had quickly soured.

(Ah, and he'd been overdressed for everything too. He'd stood out so much, and that whole façade of perfection had collapsed when he had. The idea of having to walk around the streets of Nagasaki after everyone had seen that shameful display made his skin crawl.)

The flap of the tent rustled. A small figure stood in the frame, then walked forward with a slightly wobbly gait. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Haruto thought. Or the "dog-saint" as the man himself would have put it. His little shadow, the dog Lucia, was at his side as always.

"Yo." Damien's voice lacked any of its usual enthusiasm. "Any news yet?"

"Nothing," Shirou said. "Sounds like they're still deliberating."

The weight of the situation crashed into Haruto all too late. He might have just cost the team their shot at getting into the capital. He knew it was a long shot, but he'd honestly thought it could happen. It had seemed even more possible early into the day that they would be walking right into the Central Ward with their heads held high, all of the higher-ups in the Party of Words confident they'd be playing their toy soldiers against each other before the soldiers fought back. Instead, their story was likely going to die here.

The tent fell quiet. Damien, who had never met a moment of silence he liked and was certainly not going get acquainted with it now, started talking again. "I mean, they have to rule in our favor, right? It was a rap ability that brought Haruto back. Probably. Not our fault we didn't know about it before now."

"Well, there's not really a precedent for one like this. We'll find out. It's out of our hands now." Shirou folded his arms and rested against a tent-pole. After too long of a pause, he added, "We did our best."

They didn't, really, or at least Haruto felt like he didn't. It was such an ugly victory, but it made his choice of a name eerily prophetic. Still, he didn't feel like he'd earned such a lofty title now. Phoenixes were beautiful and graceful. He'd spent too much time staring at hagiography for some of his other classes—you didn't specialize in philosophers like Kierkegaard or Weil or Tillich without trying to understand the manic fervor that burned in them for some divine power beyond human comprehension, inconvertibly scorched into their thoughts and actions, without at the very least trying to dip your toes into theology and religious studies—and so he knew just how powerful an image they were. Wings spread, arising again from their funeral pyre with their beak open in what would no doubt be a noble cry of defiance against death.

His experience of resurrection had been his brain sparking abruptly back to life after tumbling into the dark, whiting out with the sudden influx of sensory input, clawing his way out of the peaceful void of unconsciousness, gasping for air and struggling to stand with limbs still trying to remember how movement worked after everything in his body had simply shut down. The first thing that struck him was the absolute shocked silence of the crowd who he was reasonably sure had been cheering when he'd collapsed. That was the single moment of clarity. Everything from there on was an adrenaline-fueled blur before he was out cold again.

He had been down for the mandatory ten-count and technically Shirou had fallen before he managed to stand, and now the Party of Words referees had no idea what they were supposed to do.

He heard soft padding coming close to him, and then a scrabbling noise as Lucia managed to hoist her way onto his cot. She stared at him a few moments with too-keen eyes that had always felt a bit too intelligent. Then, she sat herself down, and shoved her nose under his hand. He sighed in defeat and began scratching behind her ears.

God, he was exhausted. Maybe the painkillers Shirou had given him were hitting harder than he thought, maybe Lucia had finally gotten him to relax just slightly, or maybe there had just been way too much going on, but he wanted to fall asleep.

He'd closed his eyes and managed to drift into an uncomfortable half-sleep when he heard someone clearing their throat. It took him a moment to process what was off. The voice was feminine. He snapped back awake. One of the referees was standing in the doorframe.

"We've settled on a decision," she said. And then, proving that everyone within the Party was terrible, she left the words hanging.

Haruto felt a twinge of irritation at the obvious manipulation, but obligingly sat up and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Congratulations," she said with a smile. "You'll be representing Nagasaki Prefecture in the regional portion of the Division Rap Battle."

Damien let out an indistinct shout of excitement and pumped his fist before finally finding his words. "Hell yeah!" Then, turning his head to the other two, "See? I told you! You got all worried for nothing."

Shirou gave him as much of a pointed look as his usual serene bearing could betray, a silent statement of were you any less worried? then turned to the Party of Words official. "Thank you. We'll do our best to make Nagasaki proud."

"I'm sure you will." Her eyes shifted, then lingered on Haruto several moments too long. "We'll be watching you with interest." She turned on her heel and left the tent.

The philosopher shifted, an uneasiness he couldn't place settling in the pit of his stomach.

Damien gave voice to Haruto's emotions before he could even place them himself. "Why did that sound like a threat?"

"Let's not jump to the worst possible conclusion," Shirou said. The obvious implication of but let's anticipate it was left hanging in the air, casting a chill over the warmth of their victory.

#hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypnosis mic #haruto hirabayashi #nagasaki division #hypmic #shirou sonozaki #damien #fan division

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

Text

OFF WITH YOUR HEAD

PART 2 OF HEADS WILL ROLL

SYNOPSIS: Whenever school is in session, Eren will just keep finding new places to corner you.

PAIRING: BULLY! EREN x FEM! READER

DEDICATED TO: you guys, always you guys.

WARNINGS: unedited, slight dubcon, groping, degradation, bullying,

WORD COUNT: 2.4K

Gooooood Morning Paradis Birds! Remember to give a big round of applause to the football team for clutching the victory against reigning champion Marley High! We stay undefeated thanks to our excellent and hardworking team. Special shoutout to Captain Eren Yeager for guiding the team to another flawless victory-

You're half-heartedly paying attention to class, sleepily listening to the school announcements over the speaker until the mention of his name douses you like a shock of ice-cold water.

You can't catch the rest of the announcement because your class erupts into cheer, enthusiastically clapping their hands for the boy of the hour.

The only one not joining is you.

Eren's smile is brighter than 100 kilowatts. In the back of your mind, you wonder where he learned to smile like that. When his emotions became so practiced.

Mr.Berner tries to calm the kids down, especially Sasha who bangs on her desks and howls, creating even more hype and ruckus. The class, now in a chattier mode, excitedly breaks into little conversations.

"Man, thank god. That school is so pretentious, I'm glad we finally have something over them."

"Jeez, I know our team was good, but it's this good-?"

"-Bro, year of XXXX is stacked as fuck. It's literally never been this stacked before. We have a whole team of prodigies, it's insane-especially Eren. "

"Yepp. My dad went to Paradis too and he said shit like this never happened during his time. The academic comps were one thing, but these footballs wins? We're being put on the fucking map."

The announcements are still going on, but it's hard to hear over the noise. You're only able to catch the tail end, a useless tidbit about the word of the day.

pre·mo·ni·tion a strong feeling that something is about to happen, especially something unpleasant. Here is an example: "She had a premonition of imminent disaster" Have a good day folks, hope it's free of any premonitions!

Overhearing the unceasing praise of the boy who pinched your thighs until they bruise blue and purple was a little painful-but you were used to it. After all, he's putting Paradis on the map. Whatever the fuck that means.

While you didn't love sharing this class with him, he was seated far across the room and surrounded by a gaggle of friends. You might as well have been invisible, the way he did not acknowledge you. Maybe you should treat it as a small mercy.

Unwittingly, your eyelids grow heavy. You're sitting in the back of the class, no one would notice if you took a little nap right? Assured by the fact no one will notice, you lower your head into your folded arms and let your thoughts float.

You dream of vaguely nothing but shadows of smiles, tufts of dark hair, and the smell of the wind at sea until a noise confined to the shape of your name breaks the harmony.

"[y/n?]"

You startle awake with pairs of eyes piercing their gazes at you. Swallowing thickly, you apologize to Mr.Berner who looks worried. He's a good teacher, and one of your favorites.

"I'm sorry Mr.Berner. I had a migraine so I laid my head down." You lie smoothly, with more grace than you knew you were capable of. Course, you could have just said you were taking an unprompted nap, but that would disappoint your lovely teacher.

He sighs, "Guess that can't be helped then. Go to the nurse ok?"

Bingo. The nurse was an understanding lady, she'd let you sleep the rest of the period off. You nod, and start to gather your materials, relieved the class' attention on you was beginning to dwindle.

"Wait, Mr.Berner, let me take her. What if she gets disoriented and falls in the hall?"

Fuuuuck. You should have known. You should have expected this because attached to the request dripping with faux concern was none other than the precious jewel of the kingdom. Eren's intrusion makes your peers perk up again at the scene unfolding in front of them.

You smile, lips tightly pressed, "I'll be fine. I don't want to distract anyone from the lesson and it's a short walk-

"It's still potentially dangerous.", Your teacher interrupts, pinching the bridge of the nose, "And while I'm completely surprised by Eren's sudden streak of altruism, he's right. Something could happen. He'll take you there safely."

A very convenient streak of altruism, all right. You think it over in your head, yeah the nurses' office is right down the hall, and once you're there, he'll leave. Sure, he'll taunt you but you can handle a few minutes worth of cruelty.

It's awkward getting up, and walking in front of the class while Eren props the door open like a gentleman. You know what a sharp contrast it must look like, you and him, you cowering into yourself, not meeting any eyes while he stands tall and confident.

"Do you have everything?" His tone is one of reassurance, and for the barest of the moments, feels too familiar. You know he's not being genuine right now, and for the first time, you question if he was genuine back then.

"You can hold onto my arm if you're too dizzy to walk." He says as you guys slip out of the classroom, purposefully a little too loudly. You hear coos from girls and a stray "She's so lucky!"

He must have heard it too, because he lowers his head to whisper into your ear, "Yeah, very lucky, aren't you?" Wisps of dark hair tickle your cheeks. You see the glint of tiny silver hoops and wonder when he had gotten his ears pierced. The illusion breaks and the performative charming prince's reassuring smile is replaced by a sneer.

"Didn't know you could lie like that, by the way. Some good girl you are if you're trying to ditch class like this." Fingers dig deep into your waist as he drags you along the empty hallway that seems to stretch on for miles.

Your breath gets stuck in your throat, "How did you know I was lying?"

Viridian eyes narrow, "I've seen you get migraines before." There's a knock on your heart. As if realizing he was talking about something far away ago, a vindictive edge laces into words pouring out of his mouth, "I bet you wanted this to happen, didn't you? Wanted to get us all alone."

He's trying to get a rise out of you, that much is obvious. So you ignore him to the best of your ability.

...which quickly proved to be futile, as you suddenly find your arm pinned to your back, and your front facing the nearest walls.

"I asked you a fucking question bitch." He's practically growling, "Fucking answer me."

If there was a world record for the shortest temper, best believe Eren Yeager will have collected that accolade too. He's getting too worked up, and you could definitely feel his harness poking the back on your ass, as he grinds into you.

You manage to crane your neck, wanting to have your face shoved into the wall, and then venomously spit out, "You're not looking for answers. You just want me to repeat whatever you think is true."

This position brings back flashbacks to the library when he caged you in against the bookshelves, and like then, he spins you around to face him quite abruptly.

His smile is full of sharp teeth, "No. I know I'm right."

You don't respond. He moves in closer, his breath fanning on your earlobes. Your body can't help but let an involuntary shudder, and you close your eyes, not wanting to see his pleased grin or the way the fluorescent light makes his hoops gleam like silver bullets.

One calloused finger flicks your nipple, "Do you want to know why I'm right?"

At your lack of response, the dark-haired boy rolls your nipple in between his fingers before pinching it painfully, eliciting a small whimper out of your fuckable lips. "N-no", you answer finally. You're wearing your thinnest bra because of the seasonal heat, and you can't help but regret that decision right now. The fact he's only paying attention to one of your nipples is driving you insane. Not that you want it, but you're so fucking sensitive right now. You struggle in his hold, causing him to hold you tighter, and by now his nails were probably embedded into your skin.

He chuckles at your honesty, rewarding you with a thick stripe of his tongue over the collared shirt of your uniform making you gasp. Did he just-, over your shirt too-, you look down and see a very visible wet spot.

Taking advantage of your distracted state, a eager hand snakes under your skirt until it settles in the middle of your panties. He licks your earlobe before speaking, his voice like ice under your heels.

"You were so fucking wet that day in the library while saying you hated me the entire time," he pauses as his fingers scissor you through your panties, as if to drive the message home, "About as wet as you are right now."

There's a wet spot there too, also caused by him. You crush your eyes shut, "Eren...please just take me to the nurse." You're not even struggling anymore, holding onto him out of your own accord, worried that if you don't hold onto anything-you'd fall on your knees.

The very headache you lied about having seemed not so non-existent after all.

Eren hooks his arms under the plush of your thighs, "Yeah. Of course, that's what I came to do, right?"

You had hoped you'd be granted a reprieve in the nurses' office but you'd forgotten that luck was never really in your favor. Because while you guys had entered the squeaky-clean office, the nurse was nowhere in sight.

Instead, a note sat on her desk in unassuming frilly cursive that Eren read with glee.

Sorry students! Minor emergency to take care of, and I'll be back by the middle of the next period. If you're badly hurt, see Mr.Ackerman in room 203. If not, just sit tight! Feel free to take up the beds.

Thank you,

Ms.Ral

Eren had turned to you with shining green eyes, "Since no one's here, I guess I'll have to keep you company. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

There was something claustrophobic about how Eren stood in front of the door as if to signify to get out of here, you had to get through him.

"Maybe I can get Mr.Ackerman..."

Eren's sudden bout of laughter makes you wince and retreat inside of yourself, "For what? A fake headache? You really wanna inconvenience him like that? Mr.Ackerman?"

You take slow steps backward until the back of your knees hit the school bed, making you stumble as you clumsily take a seat. Eren's been marching forward with every retreating step you took, and it's no surprise when he pushes you down the bed, strong hands on the side of your head, while his muscular legs force your thighs apart so he can settle himself in between.

"We have some time to kill, you know." Strands of dark hair fall into his eyes, and without thinking, you reach upwards to brush them aside.

He grips your wrist before you make it that far, nearly gritting out a "What are you doing?"

You just stare, not really knowing why that was your impulse either. Finally, you mouth out, "I want you to leave Eren."

The grip on your wrist is tighter than ever, and you very well know that you're going to have new finger-shaped bruises before the old ones even finish healing.

"And I want to stay." He punctuates each word slowly, and all you can think is how being pinned to a bed is much less painful than having the hard surface of wood digging onto your back.

You're fully aware of the heat in your core, and having Eren on top of you doesn't make this it any easier because fuck, he is attractive. Maddeningly so. And maybe you want him to go away so bad because you're afraid that if his fingers are caught inside of you, you'll thank him for it.

As if reading your mind, he lets go of your wrist (making a mental note of your sluggish movements and slipping resistance) and massages your warm hole from your panties.

"Eren please" You grit out. He merely chuckles, "What are you asking for, whore?"

You could feel tears threatening to fall. This was so embarrassing. Did you want this? Yes, yes. yes, yes. You were so wet right now and had enough of the teasing.

He alternated his kneading from slow and soft to fast and rough, and you couldn't help but let out the prettiest little moans Eren's ever heard. Since you lose all pretenses of resistance, his other hand roughly brushes against your hardened nipples, straining against the fabric of your shirt.

Okay, he decided. He's going to make you beg.

"Beg." It's announced like a command, and while you hear it, you don't really register it because your hips are busy chasing the heat, and it's all too much of an utter disappointment when his long thin fingers leave.

"I said beg slut."

"Eren, please, please. I need you so bad." You're blubbering and you don't care. You just want his pretty fingers to shove aside your panties and rub against your folds. You think back to the library, how wet you were, how the stupid fucking phone call from his coach interrupted him pumping his fingers inside of you. And you didn't know if you were happy or mad he left. But now, all you crave is the blissful wave of pleasure- the very pleasure he's been denying you.

Eren looks down at you, green eyes scrutinizing. After a long while of what it seems to be him just staring, he wipes his fingers on your skirt, brushes back his hair with a wayward hand.

"Looks like I should head back to class. See you later."

Too numb to say anything, you watch him leave with a smirk on his face. When you're sure he's walked away, you curl into yourself and cry.

#attack on titan fanfiction #eren x y/n #tw dubcon #bully eren yeager #bullying #toxic eren #yandere eren x reader #eren x reader

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spideyspeaches · 3 years

Text

Vibrations per minute ↬ P.P

AN: Based on this post ehehe. (Also 223 followers?! I’m not crying you are ಥ‿ಥ Beta read by my baby sis @parkerpeter24 <3<3

➳ Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

➳ Warnings: smut (semi public), vibrator, minors dni

➳ WC: 1.8k +

➳ Masterlist || Taglist

Peter Parker was not who he looked to be. He was the kind of guy who impressed parents with his bambi eyes and A+ academic performances, but at the same time, he could be a little shit and tease the fuck out of you. For example-

Bets were a naturally occurring event in the Avengers compound, whether it was between Sam and Bucky about who could eat the most number of marshmallows in one go or between Tony and Peter on who could digest more amount of coffee in the least amount of time (both of which landed them in the medbay).

So maybe placing a bet with your boyfriend may not have been your most intelligent choice. You were a smart woman, you should have known better than to place a bet with Spider-Man, especially if the bet included cardio.

And now you were facing the consequences.

You were sitting in the post mission debriefing room, thighs clenched as you saw your boyfriend trying (and failing) to hide his shit eating smirk. You felt the vibrations inside you once again, a little faster than before. Suppressing a moan, you tried to glare murder at him without letting the others know.

Puffing your cheeks, you slid down the chair, hands folded on your chest. You were pretty sure your cheeks were blood red with the amount of heat you felt.

"Y/N are you sure you're alright? You look a little flushed." Steve asked, shifting to look at you from where he was besides You. He looked concerned.

"Uh- yeah- yeah I'm good. Just exhausted." You stuttered a response. Huffing, you tried to discreetly rub your stomach from clenching. A little whimper escaped your throat, which you quickly suppressed by picking up the glass of water and chugging down some.

Sam looked at you weirdly, the others not paying attention as Nick Fury asked them questions.

"Miss Stark if you think you're going to get out of debriefing because your little boyfriend and father are sitting here, you're wrong. Please pay attention" Fury said, looking at you with his pirate eye, before turning around and muttering, "I swear sometimes they behave like school children."

You gave Bucky and Sam a glare as they snickered.

"I'm sorry, I'll- uhh- I'll pay more attention. I'm just, my tummy hurts." You whimpered, flushing when you realised you had said "tummy" in front of the Avengers.

"Well you better take care of the tummy ache. Don't want you to poo all over here." Peter smirked, your jaw dropping at how rude the little shit was. How unfortunate would it be when he finds out someone had burnt his Kylo Ren special edition figurine?

"Fuck you asshat." You seethe, your glare intensifying when he increased the rate of vibrations using the phone app he was holding under the desk.

"Y/N, Peter, enough of this, now listen to what Pirate here has to say before he asks you to skedaddle back to your nursery." Your dad says, rolling his eyes at your childish banter.

You wanted to get out of there. Right away, because you couldn't take the shudders in between your legs anymore, or you would orgasm right there, in front of everyone.

So to get back at them, you raised your hand like you were in elementary school, asking the teacher for permission, "May I go to the washroom? I wanna poo." You ask innocently, smirking when Fury widened his eyes.

Averting your eyes to your boyfriend, you silently conveyed your message, hoping that he got what you were up to.

Ignoring the laughter of the babies in the Avengers' bodies, you stood up abruptly before he could change the settings anymore, walking stiffly to the bathroom.

"That was kind of mean of me." Peter finally said when you were out of his vision.

"Yeah kid, I would've kicked your ass if I didn't know that she would do it before me." Tony snarked, curling his lips and shaking his head before going back to the dossier in front of him.

"You should go and apologise to her Pete. She looked upset." Steve piped in, his disappointed eyebrowsTM showing their way.

"She's in the toilet and he's a horny teenager, you really want him to go right now?" Sam said.

"Ew Sam, get your gutter brain out of here!" Peter defended, not meaning what he said.

In fact he was going to do just that. The entire time during the mission, you had been teasing him one way or another, whether it was landing in certain poses or just touching him every chance you get.

The bet was just an opportunity for him to get back at you for leaving him hot and bothered, dreaming about you all night in that tiny lingerie with spider prints on them.

“Yeah Sam, get out of here.” Natasha joked. Before he could witness the counter arguments though, he left the room, leaving a very noisy meeting room and a very frustrated Nick Fury.

He found you in the bathroom stalls near the cafeteria. It was the women's bathroom but no one was around this time of the night, so he entered it.

He could hear your moans and pants, your arousal hitting his nostrils as he tried to hyperfixate on you. His jeans suddenly felt strained at his… web shooter area.

Opening the bathroom door, he clenched his fists. You were standing there, vibrator out of you and your finger inside, eyes scrunched as you threw your head back, not even noticing him enter.

"Why are you touching yourself?" He growled, smirking innocently when you jerked up, eyes taking a lustful look that sent his blood rushing south.

"It's your fault. You were the one who made me horny in the middle of those boomers." You gritted.

Your hand was poised on your waist now, legs still spread apart, your pussy on display.

Grabbing you by your ass, he picked you up and slammed you against the wall, kissing your jaw, "Just seeking revenge." He mumbled

"Oh oh Petey- revenge for what?" You moaned, arching your back as he undressed you, grabbing your now unclothed boob and sucking on one nipple, twisting the other with his fingers.

Moaning at the sensation of the cool tiles, you dug your fingers at his back, your wet pussy throbbing for a feel of his dick.

"You did it on purpose didn't you? Showing off during missions?" He sucked at your skin, leaving it tender and brushed, "you know how hot you look while you kick ass?"

He unbuttoned his pants, letting his dick slip out with his boxers. His length never ceased to amaze you, the thick organ making your mouth water. You imagined it slipping into you, your thighs slipping wider on instinct.

He saw the look you were giving him, his lustful eyes full of mirth and desperation. Without waiting any further, he slipped out a condom from his discarded jeans' pocket, sliding his dick into your wet entrance, your ass hitting the wall as he pushed into your walls.

Throwing your head back, you hissed as your walls clenched around him.

"You get, you get turned on when I kick ass?" You panted, grabbing his hair in desperation to the coiling in your gut, "Fuck I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna come Pete."

"Well what are you waiting for princess?" He nibs your ear, squeezing your breasts to his now naked chest. You shuddered at the coolness of his body, he's always been cold to touch.

"Fuck princess, feel so good." His mouth was slack, his thrusts getting harder as he shoved into you, "so tight for me. Enjoying my cock in your pussy eh?"

"Yes! Oh- I love it Pete I love it!" Hitting your head on his chest, you pinched his nipple, making him groan and hit your stomach, the slapping sound echoing in the bathroom.

"Say it louder pretty girl"

"Why?" You whined, "I should get back to you for using the vibrator but I'm having too much fun."

You groaned, Your eyes scrunched when his thrusts started to slow down, his senses too overloaded to work together with his stamina.

"Yeah you're needy aren't you?" He said, out of breath from your little meet. He set you down, wiping off your cum using the tissue paper, flushing it off in the toilet.

He took a minute to just admire you. Your body was shining from sweat, your breath coming out in short pants. You were completely naked, breasts out to the display. He flushed when you smirked at him, you had caught him staring. Not that you minded.

"My beautiful girl." He said, voice husky from strain as he closed the distance between you both, holding you in his arms.

You laid your head on his chest, rubbing your cheeks against his pectorals. You could hear his racing heart, chuckling when you saw heat rising up his chest to his neck and then face.

"Why are you blushing? We literally just fucked." You laughed, tracing circles on his collarbones. He looked ethereal from where you were standing, perfectly sculpted by a skillful sculptor.

"Because you're amazing and I can't believe you're my girl." He said.

"Mmhm,” You nodded against him, “Also, do you always keep a condom in your pocket?"

__________••☆••__________

There were many reasons as to why you keep around Peter, and one of them is that he's an amazing chef. Living with his aunt and uncle, he and Ben had been the main source of home cooked meals, because Aunt May was never good at cooking.

You saw him standing in the kitchen, flipping pancakes while he hummed to some melody. You didn't mind, you could stare at him all day. Thankfully, none of the Avengers were awake yet (but they would be. They're huge fans of his food)

"Morning." You smile, wrapping your hands around his waist, placing your head on his back.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked, moving around as you clung to him like a koala. Giggling, you wrapped your legs around his waist, jumping on his back like a potato sack.

"Mmhm, the best sleep I've had in a long while." You mumble, words muffled by his back.

"Is that so?" He asked.

"Yup."

Hearing shuffling noises, you quickly jumped off of him, fixing your t-shirt and sitting on the dining table.

You saw as Steve and Sam entered the kitchen, Natasha soon following suit. Clint had left for his home early that morning, wanting to meet Laura and his kids as soon as he could.

You smiled at each of them, nodding a good morning and helping them sort a plate.

You were arranging the plates when you heard a choked gasp. Alarmed at the sound, you looked up at Steve's horrified expression, looking at where he was pointing a finger.

"What?" You asked, biting your lips.

"That- is that a hickey?!?"

Slapping your neck, you let the plate clatter on the table, ignoring Peter's scrambled replies. You saw Bucky entering from the corner of your eye, unable to formulate a coherent answer.

"Oh my god, Bucky they totally fucked yesterday!"

Page dividers by @cicicantblog

#peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader smut #spiderman x stark!reader #spiderman x you #peter parker x stark!daughter #stark!reader #avenger!reader #spideygirl writes

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bookofmirth · 3 years

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I haven't read ACOSF yet, and tbh I'm rather rusty with the characters but it was really interesting to read your opinion on Elain! I feel there's a lot of complexity to her. And how she presents herself as well because as you said we literally have no chapters from hers or Lucien's POV and I think that's the important point to note because right now we're all just guessing and assuming her to be like Feyre, but she's not. People deal/show their traumas in different way and l think people expect Elain to deal with it as Feyre did. But, Feyres trauma and Elains are very different!

I don't really know what I'm saying. But I read your answer and it made me go 'oh... Huh!' in a good way, it sparked my curiosity! So thank you! But I think Elain perhaps is the most complex person with their trauma. I know people say 'oh Nesta is so different' but (I specialised in drama therapy so I love psycho analysis) and what Nesta did is self destructive to prevent relationships to avoid hurt or more emotions that she doesn't want to acknowledge (in my opinion!)

Elain just shuts down. She doesn't drink, she doesn't screw, she just remains in her garden which in itself says a lot! That's a very grounding way to handle trauma and not a lot of people are aware of that side!

So yeah I don't know what I'm saying but I think it's a really interesting discussion!

I have so many thoughts about Elain! This took me a few days to get to because i knew I had a crapton of thoughts. So this is basically me using this ask to explain the way I see Elain post-acosf!

There are three important scenes in acosf off the top of my head: when Elain talks with Nesta and they fight, and then with Nesta and Feyre and she gets mad and leaves, and then Feyre and Rhys talk about her in their chapter. We’re getting a lot more information about her, and for me, it wasn’t so much about who she is, but why we don’t know who she is.

So far, what we’ve had is Feyre’s and Nesta’s POV. Even when Feyre and Lucien tried to help her in acowar, they were unable. So we’ve never had anything about Elain from someone who didn’t grow up with her and experience the same trauma (such as becoming destitute, their mother’s death, their father being beaten, the Cauldron, etc.)

The sisters do handle it very, very differently. And I think that at this point the fandom consensus is that Elain runs away from her problems, but I actually disagree, and partly because of what you mentioned - that she isn’t using those self-harming, destructive coping mechanisms. Nesta was avoiding her problems, hardcore. It’s absolutely possible that Elain avoids things, but I don’t think that she just runs from all of her problems because:

Elain grieves her father. Openly. She tries to accept the fact that it wasn’t her fault and that she couldn’t do anything about it. (See: her going to his grave in acofas, her first talk with Nesta in acosf.) Elain does not run from her grief, she doesn’t pretend it doesn’t exist, and she doesn’t hide it from others. As one of the most defining events we’ve seen her go through in the series, that’s a pretty big deal.

Elain does not cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. There could be ways that she does this that we are unaware of. She does seem like the type who would be really, really good at making people think she’s okay, all while she’s silently imploding. But we don’t know that yet?

Elain does not isolate herself.

However, Elain definitely needs to deal with some stuff! She definitely needs to deal with Lucien, and she needs to have an actual talk with Nesta because I don’t remember a single satisfying resolution between those two in acosf. Not like Nesta had with Feyre.

I have this idea that is purely based on Elain’s line in acosf:

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow, all you think of is what my trauma did to you.” (pg. 233)

And then Feyre tells Nesta that yes, Elain was right.

This is so so so sossosososos important. I cannot emphasize it enough. Elain is used to putting on a fake, smiling face because she doesn’t want the weight of her sisters’ concern. She has been pretending to cope for so long - and tbf, she seems to have been doing better than Nesta - that people not only forget that she has suffered, but she doesn’t feel like she can even express that suffering.

Emotional labor often means negating one’s own feelings in order to acknowledge or tend to someone else’s. And that is Elain’s major role, in the series. Feyre has been caring for everyone’s physical wellbeing (hunting), while Elain’s role has been to care for everyone’s emotional wellbeing. But, like with most emotional labor, it has gone unnoticed.

I’ve made posts about emotional labor in the past (four years ago!!!!) but I’m gonna spare you the link because a lot of it was about a ship that’s no longer a ship, so here is the relevant content:

What I am talking about is the regulation of emotion - any time that you give comfort, are especially attentive to someone’s needs, stop thinking about how you feel in order to focus on how someone else feels, try to cheer someone up, make sure that they are taking care of themselves, try to allay their insecurities, etc. Basically, helping them with any sort of emotional distress.

You know those posts you’ve seen, about women protecting men’s egos constantly? Or about making time for self-care? Or about recognizing toxic relationships? That tell you “if X is being demanded of you in a relationship, get out”? Those are ALL about emotional labor, broadly speaking. They are warning you not to do more than you can handle, more than you need to do, because it can be harmful to you.

If you have ever been expected to make a person or people feel better any time you are around each other (including when they are angry, upset, anxious, ill, frustrated, insecure, etc.), you have performed emotional labor. Pretty much everyone has done this at some point, unless you are a completely insensitive jerk.

Notice, though, that I said expected to and any time you are around them – this is where the problem comes in for YOU. This is not about just being there for a friend.

Making loved ones feel better is fantastic. Seeing people be polite and kind to one another makes my heart shine. That is not a problem in and of itself. That can be seen as emotional labor, but there are no requirements on you in those circumstances. This is something you are doing of your own free will.

The problem, again, is when this is expected, constantly, over time. Now, in my experience, the expectation is not necessarily coming from the other person. One of the problems with this type of labor is that not only do others expect women to perform these tasks, but women expect it of themselves.

It’s super easy to see this – who is expected to take care of a child when they fall? Who is expected to baby-sit? Who did you want when you were sick as a child, mom or dad? Who is expected to be sensitive and pay attention to others’ emotions?

For more info on this idea specifically, read Of Woman Born by Adrienne Rich. As a woman, I realized how much work I had been performing and how much it was harming me and I just… got real upset. She comes at this mostly from what a woman’s role is expected to be within the family, and might actually be a bit outdated in that respect because I feel like family structures and dynamics are shifting (that is a totally un-academic evaluation of the situation, don’t quote me on that), but still, it’s really informative.

While I was doing some research for this post I came across a peer-reviewed article about nursing and basically, high amounts of emotional labor led to anxiety and burn-out in those performing it. It literally will cost your mental health – not to mention your time, energy, attention, and it often requires you to ignore your own needs (this last part came from me, not the article). On the other hand, high levels of emotional intelligence (being able to recognize your own and others’ emotional states) meant less emotional labor (and therefore less anxiety & burn-out). One of the most important things to realize is that while you are taking care of someone else’s emotional needs, your own are frequently unmet. That is why it’s important to recognize this in yourself, not just in these characters.

So where does Elain fit in? Elain is the #1 emotional labor provider of the family, and she is about to freaking SNAP. I know, because once I realized how my trauma was hidden in order to spare someone else its consequences, I fucking SNAPPEd. I’ll also spare you the personal details, but Elain hasn’t been “okay”. She hasn’t been “boring”, or “nice”, or “chosen” Feyre over Nesta. She has literally been unable to express herself because (and I am NOT blaming Nesta or Feyre or her father one bit) her family’s emotional state has been so fragile, there hasn’t been room for Elain to feel or express her emotions in years.

In the feysand short, Rhys says:

I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.

And that completely tracks. Everyone has gotten used to Elain being not just “nice”, but being the emotionally predictable one. The one they know they can go to for a smile. The one they can count on for never, ever making them realize that she has been through Some Shit Too. And being that person is exhausting.

When Feyre thinks about Elain not using Lucien’s gloves, 1) she still has them, otherwise she couldn’t think about Elain not using them, and 2) I like to see the gloves as something that she will come to use, once she realizes that she can feel and express those emotions without it causing a breakdown in the family. Right now, she just wants to feel. And she can’t do that emotionally, so she’s doing it physically. Once she heals and finds a better balance, she won’t need to resort to physical pain. (Which, lowkey has me thinking some other thoughts, but.... maybe later.) But anyway, once Elain does go through her very own special journey, I fully expect her to welcome those gloves. She won’t need physical pain to feel anymore.

Not to mention my completely unacademic and non-professional opinion that people will judge a nice women harshly for being rude once, but accept a woman with a history of rudeness for just “being that way”. It’s another way that Elain may feel trapped in her “nice girl” persona. I think she started out that way - kindness and light and generosity is 100% in Elain’s character in the first place. It’s not as if she went into the Court of Nightmares and suddenly Cassian thought, “wait, she fits right in to this shithole of depravity”. No, he still thought the literal opposite. It’s just that once people get used to you doing all their emotional labor, they will continue to take advantage of it, even if they don’t realize its cost.

#elain #acosf #acosf spoilers #spoilers #ask #PHEW I needed to get that off my chest too #midnight-wonder

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tysukis · 3 years

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Hi, first(?) AU anon here. I will absolutely dive down this rabbit hole with you. I went a little overboard (sorry?). I absolutely agree with you on your Zuko take. I think we all kind of land there naturally. But I also think that Zuko would latch onto stability the moment he realized he had it. So this is kind of how I see it going down:

I think the band Sokka is part of would be solid. Just a local hit, right? But Sokka is the plans guy, and the aspirations guy, and they can do *so much better*. I 100% do not know how real life musicians work so add a pinch of salt here, but he would absolutely land them a gig as openers to a mediocre niche headliner just by sheer power of phone calls and charm. (He scripted it as much as possible, we all remember how that canon speech went when he winged it, but he knows how to put words together when he has time).

And yeah I love the idea of Zuko being an academic. I'm assuming Ozai is out of the picture for this, and the boy gets to pursue his passions instead of an expectation. Unfortunately, you mix in passion and the general anxiety of a kid who lived under intense scrutiny and you get an adult who gets tunnel vision during spring finals/prep for a conference/etc. So he doesn't quite rise to the occasion when his boyfriend drops this life changing news, he's proud but distracted, and he's already so bad at words in comparison to Sokka that it's just. Lackluster. And he probably meant to meet them at the bar/house party to celebrate after he got home but he's sleep deprived and his phone is dead because he's a disaster sometimes.

So now you've got Sokka stewing on immediate events, and being a little heartbroken because he went all out every time Zuko accomplished *anything*, even if it wasn't super impressive to Zuko himself. And maybe there's a bit of Zuko assuming Sokka doesn't need that reciprocated. He just doesn't vocalize his important needs, so Zuko assumes they're being met, you know? I like the drama of a blown up confrontation but also the idea that Sokka just confronts him sounding hurt and so damn tired of being the emotional one for that long.

But on the other side you have Zuko with his internalized plan that this is his forever person, and he does go to almost every performance even if they don't play his preferred music. And he assumes Sokka is satisfied with this. Maybe because Zuko can't imagine being happier than near his family - the good ones anyway - or because he genuinely thinks Sokka and the band are happy with being local celebrities and leaving it at that. So he plans for permanence. Because he is still a disaster, Zuko probably never vocalized this beyond doing window shopping for apartments or something. Vague jokes about a wedding that Sokka laughs at/agrees with and Zuko interprets as, "Yes I am also thinking about being here with you forever." He's not the wordsmith, he's the pragmatist and love means house shopping and snuggling over takeout and planning trips to visit their distant family together, right? Sokka's confrontation blindsided him, because he thought they were on the same page, and Sokka didn't have to leave to keep playing music, why is that even a thing??

They're both justified in being jaded because they're dumb as hell (affectionate). This isn't an AU for two grown ass men who have put in therapy time, they're both young and full of their own understanding with poor communication skills.

musician au anon!!! hello welcome back thank you so much for this incredible ask, let’s GO

(I’m gonna pop this one under a read more because otherwise this post will be eight miles long lmao)

Honestly I’m wracking my brain with what I can possibly add to this because you’ve got like. A fully fledged outline here my dude and it’s a good one. Do you write? Because you should, if you don’t. I still love the alternative take of Sokka being the one to leave and honestly this pretty much cements how much potential it has. I absolutely adore how you’ve thought about just how the communication would break down between them - and you’re completely bang on the money with it as well. Zuko is fully a hot disaster and would completely just assume Sokka’s needs are being met if he isn’t vocalising them, and we know Sokka, he’s a complainer but when it really comes down to those he loves - he’s known for being pretty selfless and for putting up brave faces. I can totally see Sokka perhaps almost feeling a bit self conscious about how hurt he is by Zuko’s lack of enthusiasm. Because Zuko loves him, right? And it’s just one show, right? So maybe he’s just overreacting, right? Or maybe he’s actually not even that good. Oh no, maybe Zuko hates his music and is just waiting for the right time to break it to him gently. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I think I might have already said it at some point tonight but Sokka would absolutely spiral until he convinces himself that him leaving would be nothing more than simply just leaving before he gets left. And like you said: Zuko is out here planning a whole future assuming that they’re on the same page, meanwhile he has no idea.

I totally buy Sokka winging his way into a supporting act spot using his charm and charisma, and yeah his speech in canon didn’t go too well but this could likely be over the phone to only one person which would probably make it easier. I was thinking about how Sokka performing would work in conjuncture with his canon almost stage fright/fear of public speaking - and I’m leaning towards the hc that he embodies a sort of persona in front of large crowds and he’s able to let that take over and act casually and confidently no matter the audience. (source: I am someone who studied acting and excelled in public speaking most of her life despite having a chronic anxiety disorder - playing parts and speaking on stage didn’t feel like ‘me’ because I was always channeling a character either fictional or an alternative version of myself. It works, folks.)

Are we thinking he broke away from the band and went on to succeed in a solo career? As in, he felt being local heroes was a limited pathway? Or did they all go together? Who else would be in it I wonder.

I LOVE your interpretation of Zuko and how the factors under which he was raised would shape him, especially in a modern setting. He would absolutely go into tunnel vision and that perfectionist mindset he was essentially forced into as a kid would probably be alive and well into adulthood. (And yeah, these aren’t men who have been to therapy - yet! - so we’re probably gonna assume that Zuko views this as a Perfectly Normal And Healthy Way To Live And Not At All A Trauma/Survival Response.)

I’m assuming this confrontation is what leads to their break up and then Sokka going off to pursue music further? I wonder, even all their other issues aside, what Zuko thinks about him travelling so far? As you said, we’re operating under the assumption that he doesn’t understand why Sokka couldn’t continue music and stay local. Even if things were perfect between the two, I imagine they still might not see eye to eye on that, which of course would just be another breaking point for them to tack onto the list.

As for their eventual reconciliation, Kaleigh @zukkau with her gigantic brain, said earlier that Sokka being the one to leave could also tie into a whole ‘I couldn’t ask you to uproot your whole life for me’ anxiety (especially if we’re painting zuko as a bit of a homebody here; hates change, likes routine) and that sets up perfectly for a “I would go anywhere for/with you” moment. All this to say that I think that would slot into this (^) narrative nicely.

If you have (or anyone has) anything more to add or touch on I would absolutely love to hear it, I am now fully in love with this AU and all messages and mentions of it are permanently welcome in my inbox and DMs <3

#I love this au so much. so much.#all of u with ur big brains #amazing #answered #musician au

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bettsfic · 4 years

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Re. the last grad school ask -- I started my PhD program (humanities, not creative writing) directly out of undergrad and am in the strong minority in my program. Most people come in from other careers, or other degrees, and are at least in their mid-20s.

And I tell all the prospective students I talk to how much I wish I'd waited a few years.

I was so young. I didn't understand what grad school was (we didn't HAVE grad students at my small liberal arts college!) or what the training was supposed to lead to.

I'm in a program with excellent funding (and I talk for days about the kind of funding that makes a humanities program worthwhile and when somebody should say "nope not worth it), with supportive faculty and students, and with relatively light teaching obligations. But even with all the things that make my PhD a good thing to be doing *right now* ... The 21-year old me who was applying was so clueless.

Things I wish I had known:

- the PhD is training me to be a professor and researcher. Full stop. But. Academia is broken. There are very few jobs in my field, and a lot of people are deeply, psychicly hurt pursing them. The PhD, even from a great program with a good placement rate, is not a guarantee.

- so most of us will spend 5-6 years in a training program for a job we won't get. Making some money, but not necessarily CAREER money.

- sure! there are lots of other jobs out there that people with PhDs move into. But you don't NEED a humanities PhD for most of them. And so I'll have spent 7 years that I could have been getting job experience and professional networks on a degree that I didn't REALLY need in the first place.

And again, for me, those are 7 years I've been well-funded and have enjoyed. I've grown a lot! I don't necessarily want to discourage people from taking a funded PhD that could be relative security for 5+ years, with health coverage and intellectual engagement. It can be a very good thing to do! But a good thing to do if you understand what it is and how jobs work ... which, at 21, I absolutely did not!

And it took me a lot longer to get started on my project than my colleagues who came in having explored and thought for longer. I just didn't know what I wanted to do! I didn't have the social confidence or knowledge to ASK for things. The time I spent figuring things out was time many of my colleagues spent actively publishing and presenting, because they'd already done the figuring.

3, 4, 5 years in the non-academic world working, earning an income, experiencing different settings... would have set me up to be "successful" (or at least more confident) so much faster. (and I also have a lot of things to say about performative academic confidence... but OH BOY I so appreciate people who have had time to develop a value system and bullshit radar OUTSIDE of the academy because they can cut right through a lot of nonsense. I had to work in different ways to ground myself and think about my take on Impostor Syndrome and about how the kind of PERSON I want to be is not always modelled by scholars in a tenure rat race).

So that's long and rambly. But I think is mostly affirming how much I agree with your assessment -- find the right fit, because a program with a culture that will make you happy is one that will appreciate and benefit from your life experience. There are about 80 millions different paths to grad school (and there have been some lovely Twitter threads recently about "age at PhD").

But from somebody who didn't take that time, who will get the PhD before 30 and then have to figure out non-academic stuff for the first time... well, that different life experience would have been valuable on so many levels, before, during, and after my program. I wish I'd had it and I hope it doesn't make anybody feel like they don't have a place in grad school!

first of all, WHEN did tumblr increase the word limit on asks?? this is great!

second of all, thank you so much for sharing your story! i think in some ways undergrad tends to teach students how to be work machines, and you can’t have that kind of mentality in grad school. i took years to train myself out of the bad habits i’d developed in undergrad, particularly around project-oriented productivity versus consistent maintenance. and by that i mean, when you’re a student, you’re used to working 200% for 15 weeks a stretch, getting a grade for your efforts, and then taking a break. but in the working world, you don’t get that (unless you’re in project management or another similar field). you have to do the same things over and over, forever, and you don’t get a grade at the end. in fact you don’t get anything usually. your prize is keeping your job. for ambitious students whose identities pivot on grades, the working world can be really crushing.

also, yeah, the job market. it’s abysmal and depressing to think about. there are writers i know who have done everything right -- published widely and to acclaim, been great literary citizens, have pedagogically sound practices, did a prestigious mfa and phd -- and they were still on the job market for years, and applied to hundreds of jobs. i know more writers who have quit trying to find jobs in academia than who have successfully secured them. obvs a different field with different professional expectations, but the shittiness is still there.

#the writing life #grad school tho #logicaldaydream

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blindspot-repata · 4 years

Text

High School Blindspot - Chapter 8

Prom is the senior year graduation party in the USA. In the story, the correct chronology of this event was not obeyed, because there the party is at the beginning of the year and not at the end as I put it in the fic, because for that date I used the academic year of my country.

I would like to thank Carla (@caizalucca ) for her collaboration with part I of this chapter, which was entirely hers!

Hope you like it!

_____________________________

Prom - Part I

Ellen ...

Ellen Brigs didn't welcome her children's excitement at the school dance. He had devoted the best years of their lives to those brothers and had plans for them. The way they learned to channel their anger into physical strength and determination to survive in the illegal orphanage where they spent their childhood would make them the best soldiers for the cause she championed. Ordinary social activities like this ball would only take you out of focus on the really important things.

She didn't even care much about Roman. He knew that he would easily convince him to put these frivolities aside in the future. But Remi ... Remi was different from his brother. Much harder to fold. And there was this guy that he was getting involved with. Definitely inappropriate and dangerous. This Kurt guy was a threat to Remi's future, planting fantasies in her head like love being more important than her duties before her country. Ellen knew how this type of teenager saw life: any stable job would be an excuse to start a family. One day she was innocent as well. But she wouldn't let that keep Remi from the bright future he dreamed of for her daughter. No prom. And the change would take her away from Kurt.

An extra study plan. That was the strategy she used to justify Roman's going to the party while Remi stayed home. The consequences of this, Ellen had also predicted: several discussions, countless questions, resistance from her daughter. She handled it as she always did: reminding Remi that if she hadn't adopted them and taken full responsibility for them, the brothers would have been executed when the orphanage was discovered to be considered too lethal for life in society.

Remi...

Remi did everything in her power to convince Ellen that this extra study plan was unnecessary and that she could perfectly go to the dance without it affecting her performance. But it was in vain. The mother was adamant. She came to think of a direct affront, but when the rescue from the orphanage was brought on the agenda, she was silent. Ellen would always be grateful for taking them out of that hell and saving their lives. He thought of sending a note to Kurt through Patterson warning him of his absence, but she never did. There was still a tiny flame of hope inside her that kept her from burying the dream of one last meeting with him before the move and the party was her big chance.

On the day of the event, she dedicated herself to her studies even more diligently. She stayed cool with Ellen because she knew her mother would be suspicious if she acted otherwise. When he managed to finish the extensive to-do list, it was too late. The dance should have started almost an hour ago. It would have to be more than discreet, imperceptible. She prepared the bed with pillows under the blankets for her mother to think she was sleeping. She would go out the window and return without being noticed.

She didn't have a dress or any clothes like the ones the girls wore on those occasions. A flash of discomfort passed through her as she realized this. But she didn’t give up. Clothes would never determine their destiny. She wore dark jeans, a black blouse, and a leather jacket. The pencil in the eyes and the leather choker closed the look before sneaking out the window.

When she entered the party room, everyone looked at her. Remi knew that it was not her angelic beauty that called attention, but the inappropriate clothing. She took a deep breath and covered everything with her eyes in search of Kurt. He was at a table with Allie, visibly restless. That singular way of scratching the back of his neck gave him away. The gibberish soon made him look in her direction. And the smile on his face gave her the certainty that she did the right thing by deceiving her mother and coming even though she was dressed disgustingly in the eyes of the rest of her schoolmates.

He almost ran to meet her.

“Hi... I was already thinking that you wouldn't come.” he said with that crooked smile that always broke Remi's heart.

“I said I'd come.” she also replied with a rare smile.

“Would you like to drink something?” He asked

“I’d like...”

He led her by the arm to the drinks table and served them both. They were still the center of attention and it started to bother Remi a lot. If they were the subject of the next day at school, Ellen could find out and be in trouble with her mother. Kurt noticed his discomfort:

“Do you want to talk in a more discreet place?”

She nodded and left the room.

Outside, the night was dark. Kurt pulled her into his arms and Remi allowed herself to enjoy that moment with him closing his eyes. When she felt energized enough to get out of that hug, she said:

“I know that this outfit is not suitable...”

“I don't care about the clothes you wear. I'm glad you came.”

“Look, I'm not any kind of rebel without cause trying to get attention by appearing here dressed like this...”

“I didn't think that, I swear.” he tried to position himself.

“But the others thought. Ellen didn’t agree that I would come. I left hidden. If I had a dress, I would have put it on, but I didn't have it. And... Wow, the girls are beautiful, especially Allie.”

“You are still the most beautiful of the party even without a dress.” he said, pulling her back into his arms and now putting his lips together in a kiss. Her heart sank with everything he said, it shouldn't have been easy.

The two surrendered to the moment, enjoying each kiss and all the forms of affection they exchanged. They talked banal things. They laughed a little. They looked at the moon. Everything seemed perfect. But he noticed that sometimes, her eyes filled with sadness. He knew it had something to do with her mother and decided to show how much he was willing to fight for her:

“Remi, tomorrow I'm going to your house. I'm going to talk to your mother and show her that, despite going to military school next year, I want to stay with you. She will see that I have good intentions...”

“No! You can’t do that. Ellen would never understand.”

“But I'm worried about you. Your mother suffocates you too much with this study routine. This is not normal.”

“Ellen just wants our good. Roman and I owe her loyalty for taking us out of the orphanage.”

“Remi, I understand that you are grateful to her for this, but you need to agree that this is all very strange. The link that unites a family must be love and not loyalty. Ellen seems to want total devotion from you, and that is not true. She doesn't even let you call her mom.”

“I know everything seems strange, but it's just her way. You have no idea what we went through at the orphanage and what could have happened to us.”

“Okay, she got them out of there, but that's no reason to stop you from living in the present. And the present is us. She needs to understand this.”

“Kurt, being with you is the best thing I've ever experienced, but that is above us. Ellen's work is important and she is preparing me to help her. I owe it to her. What I wanted most was to owe her nothing to be able to face her with all of this, but I can't. And there's Roman, he needs me there too.”

“I will repeat again: Ellen has no right to steal from you the rest of her life. You are not alone in this, Remi. I'm with you. We will fight and get together. Tomorrow I will talk to your mother and make her understand this.”

“No, Kurt, please don't.”

“Why not?”

“There is a lot about the past and the future that I can't tell you. And talking to Ellen wouldn't change anything. We're going to move, Kurt, and I don't even know where. Her job is like that. This is our last night together, that's why I risked so much to be here with you.”

“Our last meeting? And are you just telling me this now?” Kurt stood up impatiently.

“I wanted to tell you, but she took me away from school...”

“Then let's run away. Today! I will not let her separate us. I drop out of military school and get a job.”

“No! You are aware of what you are saying. Military school is your dream. I would never forgive myself for that. And there's Roman, I can't leave him. I'm sorry, Kurt.”

“You are more important to me than any dream.” he said sadly. “But apparently, I don't mean the same thing to you, do I?”

Remi wanted to scream that he was the person she loved the most in the world and kiss him so that she could feel how immense her love was, but she knew there was no hope for them. Ellen wouldn’t accept that relationship and wasn’t willing to see him sacrificing his dreams for a life without a future with her. Her mother always said that the psychological consequences left by the orphanage would make it risky to start a family because sooner or later it would hurt everyone around her. For all this, the words that came out of her lips said the opposite of what she had in her heart:

“Everything between us ends here, Kurt. It was a mistake that I came. I don't expect you to understand, but...” and afraid of betraying, she shut up the rest of the sentence “Good night.”

And she left him alone.

Kurt came back inside the ball feeling disappointed and deceived. Allie came to her and offered her company as a comfort. He accepted.

Remi walked for two blocks almost in a trance trying to contain the urge to cry. And suddenly, her feet no longer obeyed her. Nothing about her obeyed her rational side. In a rush, she turned and ran back to the party. She would find Kurt and say she was willing to risk everything for him.

But she barely entered the room and saw the saddest scene of her life. To the sound of slow music, everyone danced on the dance floor with their bodies glued together. Kurt and Allie, however, were standing still, exchanging kisses that seemed like it would never end.

Stunned, Remi turned her back on the salon and any hope that she might have a normal life. This wasn’t for her. Ellen was right.

_______________________

Prom - Part II

“Wow!” Edgar sighed at the image in front of him. She looked wonderful in the navy blue knit dress with only one strap and went down just to the knee, the platform sandal made her a little taller, her hair parted in the middle and her curls fell over her shoulders, the light makeup only highlighted her eyes, skin tones and a pink lip gloss added the finishing touch.

“What's it?” Edgar wasn’t bad at all in a smoking, white shirt and bow tie. He had grown the goatee in the past few days and she was thinking it charming. Natasha blushed at the penetrating way he looked at her, he had the gift of leaving her like this. The girl was very much in love with him and knew that this love hurt, as much as she was sure about his feeling for her there was an imminent separation due to the boy's departure for college. Maybe it would be good for them to stay away for a while, as their dependence grew and in the last few months they didn’t have a day that they didn’t meet and each moment together made the desire to be close to each other even more. It didn't look healthy.

“You look so beautiful.” She was already beautiful, but managed to stay even more, Natasha had a genuine sweetness that together with the suspicious look that showed made up her personality. Edgar regretted having to go to college. He didn't want to leave everything behind, but he knew it was necessary, his future was at stake and also a chance to build a life with Natasha even though he had to sacrifice himself now. Edgar came out of the trance and greeted her with a kiss on the forehead and can delight in her scent, which was always wonderful. She was the apple of his eye, the girl of his dreams, he would give the world to see her happy and he knew he would do anything for her and think that he could hurt her with distance made him sad and made him want even more being close to her these last few days making sure to make it clear how great his feelings were for her. “Let's go?”

It was Edgar's graduation party. Natasha still had another year at school and would be preparing intensely for NYPD tests which was now her life goal. She felt sad about having to stay away from her boyfriend, but she knew it would be good for him to grow up personally and professionally. They were both doing well and she wasn't sure how they would get together when they were away, but she hoped everything would work out. After the end of the year parties they would say goodbye and she hoped that the time would pass slowly to enjoy every moment that remained beside him, because she knew that after he left the time apart would be long and always scarce when they were together.

When they arrived at the party the music was already playing and most of the guests had already arrived, they sat at the table with their friends where they didn’t stay for a long time, because they really wanted to enjoy the party together. On the dance floor the two moved more to the sound of their hearts than to the music itself, from time to time they looked into each other's eyes and exchanged complicit smiles and also kisses.

Dinner was served and they returned to their friends. They knew that these moments together were numbered because with the school year ending each one would go on their way finding new friends. But those years together would never be forgotten, the games, the complicity, the learnings, everything that lived until then was important for the construction of the personality of each one of them.

Patty was graduating managed to get Roman to go with her and the two of them were dancing awkwardly when they gave up on the dance floor and chose to entertain themselves in another way. The kisses exchanged between the two left them yearning for more, but Roman respected her and felt that they shouldn't go any further knowing that he would be leaving soon. The boy realized when his sister had come to the party even without Ellen's consent, but he was quiet, she knew what to do with her own life. The boy also saw when Kurt returned without her and clung to the blonde cheerleader. The disagreement must have been ugly, because he knew how attached the boy was to his sister.

The party was over before midnight and Edgar took Natasha over to his house. The first night they spent together where his mother acted naturally when she learned that the two were sleeping together, after Natasha left she read a sermon to her son to make him understand how much a girl deserved to be respected. Edgar swore that he loved Tasha and had the best intentions that a boy could have with a girl. After a few days Emma called Natasha to talk and told her several things about sex, illness, unexpected pregnancy and made an appointment with a doctor she trusted so she could do some tests and choose a contraceptive method.

Later that night after making love they were both holding each other when Edgar looked at her with those little dog eyes that she loved. Sweetly, he traced the girl's bare shoulder lazily beside him with his fingers. That touch gave him the slight shivers that he noticed and continued to do.

“My God! That's what I'll miss most in this life!” Edgar felt a lump grow in his throat and closed his eyes to fix the image of her in his mind.

“You will always come home.”

“Yes, but do you have any idea what two, three months are away from you?” Edgar saw the eyes of the girl he loved turn red with tears.

“I know, Ed. But it will fly and we will have so many things to occupy ourselves that we won't even notice the time passing.” Tears fell from Natasha's eyes, who made no effort to stop them. They hugged each other very tight and she can hear the boy's sobs in her ear. “I love you and nothing will change that and I know you love me too.”

The two continued to embrace between sobs and kisses until they calmed down and fell asleep. It was just before the end of the year and as much as it hurt they were sure it would be worth it. Their feeling seemed strong enough to face the distance.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #blindspotedit #jeller #repata #kurt weller #remi briggs #tashazapata #edgarreade #patterson #roman briggs #high school blindspot #blindspot fic

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jojosthetic-boogaloo · 5 years

Note

WOOP-WOOP (1/2)! Can I ask for a matchup from part 5? I am a straight girl, 5'1, with brown wavy hair and eyes. I like to listen to old music from 60-80s but all eras are welcome. I like to draw manga, watch anime, play video games, and read books. I am a sensitive person and want to feel helpful to others. Academic-wise I am confident in my abilities. When I get closer to you, I'll sometimes flaunt my skills because you're my friend. I can get sarcastic and blunt when I'm close to someone.

Heyo dear! Mun Gremlin and I came to the conclusion that you were a tough one to match! But after all, we found the answer to our prayers, and oh, am I jealous of it’s long, silky blonde hair…

Tiziano!

You met by chance on the street! You were walking by when you noticed a wonderful melody coming from a rather ragged looking man sitting on the side of the street on some wet cardboard. With a pang of guilt and your nurturing instincts playing the part, you approached the man, kneeling down before the humble hat he had in front of him and leaving in it your charity. “You sound wonderful, sir.”

What’s your surprise when a most handsome man kneels down next to you and does much the same, turning to face you and give you the most charismatic smile you’d seen. “Yes he does, good old Marco is here every Wednesday to delight us all.” He commented, and you noticed how the man nod n silence as he quietly played some tune to himself.

Extending a hand towards you to help you get back up, and accepting the gesture, you both stood back on your feet and, after having this mistery man wave and wink at the gentle musician, he guided you to walk along with his hand. “Go forth signorina, there isn’t much more to see around this parts.”

You stood in the same spot, looking at this beautiful man and gathered your thoughts to promptly give him a maybe overenthusiastic nod before turning on your heel and making your way back home as previously planned.

He chuckled, turning to the man with the guitar and changing his smile into a slight displeased pout. “You didn’t steal anything from her, did you now, Marco?” The man humbly shook his head, looking Tiziano in the eye. “That missy was kind enough to appreciate my music, Tiz, she didn’t just pity me, I wouldn’t take anything from her, promise.”

Tiziano scowled at the man, already knowing his antics and kicking him to the side not so gently to confirm that he, in fact, had a bracelet under his ass. Most likely yours, he thought. With a groan, he grabbed the piece of jewelry and gave the musician a last displeased look. The man sat back on his behind in a fit of chuckles. “What can I say, takes a liar to know one.” With a scoff, Tiziano gripped tightly the stolen item in his hand.

“One of this days, you’re going to take something from someone you shouldn’t have, and you’ll regret it, Marco.” Turning on his heel, Tiziano left his own way, walking back to his own house. He’d take care of the whole ordeal of finding you and returning the bracelet to you later. Now, he had to take care of other matters.

On the following Wednesday, you decided to come back to the same alley, seeing the man with the guitar quietly playing his melodies one more time, as if he’d never really moved, as if nothing really had happened in the time you were absent.

When you were two steps away from the man, you felt a slender but strong hand grip your upper arm and tug you with force into an uncomfortably narrow branching alley, pressing you tightly against the stranger’s figure. The person holding you to them and pressing you to be silent by the hand pressed over your mouth seemed to be a man, which you could barely make out by the way your forehead pressed against his toned chest.

Upon looking up, you noticed that this face was familiar, alarmingly and wonderfully so. You almost felt guilty for feeling excited upon discovering it was him, but quickly, common sense kicked in and all your alarms went off. What was going on? Why couldn’t you talk? Why was he holding you like this in this uncomfortable position? You couldn’t do anything but comply and stay quiet, looking to the side into the street you previously were walking on.

The taller man looked down at your figure, stoically and firmly staring into the street, keeping your composure. The hand he had on your back so you wouldn’t hurt yourself on the rough old brick wall behind you tightened against him for a brief second as a way to comfort your inner distress. He greatly admired your poise, had to give credit where it was due.

You felt him press you to him, but before you could react in any way, you heard voices on the street, they were screaming at the man you knew as Marco surely, for there was no one else on the street. “This is the last time you steal from the capo’s kid, filthy scumbag!” A gunshot, you heard a gunshot and a group of steady steps that, painfully slowly, faded away.

Your heartbeat boomed loudly in your ears, you felt weak on your knees. You didn’t want to be there, but at the same time, the secure hold on your form from the man made you feel better, your breathing slowly calmed down again. Upon sighing long and tiredly, the male chuckled, letting go of you and squeezing out of the narrow alley, helping you out with a guiding hand on yours in case your legs failed you due to the recent shock.

He gave you a genuine smile, leaning down to kiss your hand and performing a much too formal bow for you, making you tense your lips in disbelief and bewildered amusement. “The name’s Tiziano, it’s a pleasure to… well, meet again, miss.” He spoke, his voice lower than you’d expected and as smooth as you’d vaguely remembered from last day.

With a small, lopsided smile on your face, you took your hand back, jokingly bowing back at Tiziano and granting him the generous gift of a genuine smile and a light chuckle. “Well, mine’s Y/N, the pleasure is mine, Tiziano.” You finished, raising an eyebrow at how his body seemed to move to the side when your eyes wandered off behind him so you wouldn’t have to stare straight at him. His broad shoulders blocked your view and now you were curious as to why he did such a childish thing. He cleared his throat, guiding with his hand you turn around and go back from where you’d come from. “Miss, I’d rather you avoid looking at an unpleasant scene, you’ve undergone enough stress today.”

You understood, he was blocking your view from the corpse that was surely still laying there, the man with the guitar who was no longer there to play his melodies. After a long, deep breath in, you let your gaze travel back to his icy blue eyes once more. He had such a pretty complexion, he almost looked ethereal when you gave it some thought. Snapping back from your thoughts by the small smirk forming on the observed’s face, you cleared your throat, turning on your heel and walking back from where you came from.

Not expecting how he seemed to quietly adjust his pace with yours, walking by your side. You looked him up and down, what was it now? You started to feel a sense of nervousness form on the pit of your stomach, when he spoke again, visibly a bit embarrassed he’d just acted without explaining himself, making the situation a bit awkward. “My bad, I just thought it was only natural I’d take you for a drink, after all that just happened, maybe an infusion to calm yourself? You do look a bit pale, Y/N.”

Raising your fingers to graze your cheek after his comment on your appearance, you gave it some thought. It wouldn’t be so bad to calm yourself after practically indirectly witnessing murder. You looked at him once more, giving him a nod with a reluctant half smile. “Oh! My treat, signorina.” You rolled your eyes. You weren’t about to start a fight over being perfectly capable of fending for yourself, so you just silently accepted his offer, which earned a satisfied “hm” from him, who seemed rather contempt.

When you’d gotten to a quiet, small cafe in a zone you knew well enough, he sat across from you, his manners almost impeccable; from the way he sat to the way he stirred his coffee, it all seemed thoroughly practiced. How did someone manage to look so graceful with such small things? After hearing his spoon click against the ceramic plate under his cup, you snapped your gaze back up at his, who seemed to be rather focused on you.

“I’d drink that before it gets cold, miss.” He snarkily remarked, a small smug smile on his face as he rose his own cup to his lips. You huffed, annoyed at his, even if obviously playful, impertinence. You rose the cup to your lips and gave it a good long sip, enjoying the warm sensation slide down your throat. It really did feel better to drink this after all, as much as you hated giving the credit to him. Why were you so snappy and absentminded today? You weren’t quite sure, probably due to the weird events piling up in the day, yeah, that had to be it.

After lowering your cup once more, you noticed Tiziano fidget in his seat, apparently searching for something in his pockets. After he found it, with a quite remarkably adorable “oh” and a smile crossing his face, he slid a handkerchief across the table towards you, patting it carefully and retiring his hand once more. “I think this belongs to you, Marco took it last time.”

“Oh?” You rose your eyebrow in wonder, how did he take anything from you without you even noticing anything weird? Much to your surprise, after undoing the folds of the delicate piece of cloth and checking its insides, you couldn’t help but let out a tiny gasp. “My bracelet!” You were still confused, still, immediately took it in your hands and gently rubbed it with the tip of your thumb. This was a precious gift, you’d been so sad if it got lost or stolen. You heard Tiziano let out an awkward cough and look away, apparently questioning his actions as to what business could he have keeping and returning a stolen bracelet from a girl he didn’t have any particular business with.

When you were about to speak, finding his conflicted expression endearing and extending your hand towards him, he seemed to come back from his thoughts, looking at your hand and almost immediately taking it in between his. You blushed, and he seemed to nervously find an answer to that action through a small smile and a nervous chuckle, rubbing his thumb for the slightest fraction of a second on your wrist and seemingly coming up with an excuse. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to help you hook it back on, dolcezza.”

After giving him a small nod as approval and biting your lip, almost incredulous this situation was real, Tiziano gave you a genuine smile before focusing on your bracelet once more, hooking it on and, much to your surprise, lifting your wrist to his face and placing a gentle kiss on it. “There, as beautiful as ever.” You felt your brain give up for a second, quickly recovering with an awkward laugh and placing both your hands on your lap. Upon this reaction, he laughed, amused at how lost you looked.

He downed the rest of his coffee and looked at his wrist, checking the time on his watch and coughing in surprise. He looked frantic now, and looked back at you with an apologetic expression. You knew pretty quick that he must have been late somewhere and had just realized. With an amused giggle, you signaled him to go off, and he took that with a chuckle and a nod. He rose from his seat, but before he could leave, he turned back around and slid you a tiny card, a business card.

“If there’s any trouble, or any emergency, do contact me, principessa.” With that and a quick stop by the bar to leave your beverages paid for, he quickly fled the cafe, leaving you wondering where he left, how fancy his business card was, and how wonderful his touch felt on your skin, even if briefly.

Back in your house, you couldn’t stop thinking about today’s events, in the end, spending most the night tossing and turning in bed, unable to take out of your mind Tiziano’s handsome features and his silky sweet voice, his gentleness, his whole presence. And then, you remembered; you had a way to contact him. You jumped up from bed, digging through your bag and finding what you looked for. Even though pretty old fashioned and much too professional, the only thing that read in that card was an email.

You opened the mail app on your phone, ancient times since you last used it to actually chat with anyone, and shot him a message. You just said hi, but oh, did you want to say way more. But, it would be weird, would it not? To say “Hey, remember me? I’m the cafe girl from today, can’t sleep thinking about being in your arms and your pretty face haha” would be rather blunt, and even though you were in fact, blunt; it didn’t seem appropriate right now. This was surely a silly crush that you’d forget by the end of the week.

Thinking about that, and closing your eyes to reminisce on his soft touch again, on his reserved yet charismatic smiles, you felt yourself slowly drift into a much needed rest.

You did not expect waking up to three new mails, that brought an immediate smile to your face.

“Hello, Y/N, I hope you rest well, it is pretty late.”

“No matter, I hope I’m not being too blunt, but I’d like to meet up again sometime soon.”

“I’m hoping you fell asleep, good morning in such case, dolcezza.”

All three sent a few hours ago, since you rose at the early hour of 7am. Quickly, you replied, hoping he’d have a little bit of time to reply back.

“Sure, tell me when and where, bello.”

You went about with your day with a little extra spring in your step, you were excited, what could you do. Once back home, you didn’t expect his reply waiting for you on your computer screen.

“I’m not a big fan of crowded spaces, if it’s not much to ask, you could come to my place? I have a free spot next Saturday evening. Sounds okay?”

Next Saturday felt so far away, and you couldn’t help but sigh deeply. You’d have to wait the rest of this week, and almost the entirety of the next one to see that pretty face once more. It was a bummer, but quickly enough, you looked at it form the bright side; you’d get to see him! At his place!

Oh wait, at his place? Was it rational or safe to even accept going to a rather suspicious and newly met man’s place after just two days of interacting and some scarce mails? Your better judgement was well overshadowed by your eager heart, quickly typing away your response before getting in the shower.

“Sounds wonderful. See you next Saturday, Tiz.”

The week went by with you two exchanging nightly mails about how your day went and Tiziano sending a picture or two of things he found that thought you’d like to see. You talked about your interests and your likes and dislikes, even shared some stories and personal information! You couldn’t believe you’d grown so close in the period of a few days.

Saturday came by, and since you’d given him your address, he waited for you at your door with elegant poise, wearing casual clothes that looked extremely fine on him. When you met his eyes outside, you did expect him to smile brightly at you, but you did not expect to be lifted by your waist up into his arms and being twirled for a moment, seeing him shoot you one genuine, joyful smile in the process.

When he let you down again, your cheeks were flushed, and your heartbeat picked up again. Okay, maybe the crush would go away after today, there was still hope for your poor heart, because at this rate, if he kept doing those things, smiling at you like that and taking you into his wonderful embrace like its nothing… You were not gonna get over this feeling, not anytime soon at least.

“Shall we go? I parked right over there, bellissima.” He started, still beaming that charming smile down on you.

When you get to his house, after some flirty remarks about your appearances here and there, you help him set the table. Surprisingly enough, he made a most wonderful meal; you did not expect him to be a good cook.

After eating a most delicious dinner, exchanging some jokes here and there, some comments about your day and how you anticipated seeing the other, your plates were empty, and after the glasses of wine, you felt comfortable enough to get up and wander about in his apartment.

He looked at you and laughed quietly, seeing you calmly pace around his living with an absent yet oddly focused look on your face. “Cute.” He said, mostly to himself, and you didn’t seem to hear, for you kept wandering about.

While Tiziano cleans the table, you notice a familiar item laying against the side of the sofa. The guitar case seemed to call to you, and you couldn’t help but kneel down and open it, revealing a most wonderful instrument you were quite familiar with.

You hear Tiz approach with a happy sounding “hm!” as he kneeled in front of you. “You play it?” He started, not taking his eyes off you, a small smile lingering on his lips when he noticed you smile fondly at the instrument.

“A little bit, when I need to take my mind off things.” He gives you a lopsided smile and gently places his hand over one of yours. “Would you play something for me right now, bella?” Without thinking about it too much, you pick it up and scoot over to the side, sitting with your back on the sofa and with your legs crossed; Tiziano follows suit and sits comfortably close, looking at you with expectation.

You start playing a very familiar soft tune, earning a cute “Oh!” from Tiziano, who now sat holding one leg to his chest and regaling you with a most tender smile.

“Wise men say… only fools rush in…”

“Elvis?” He noted, amused at your song of choice. You giggle, resuming your playing while giving him an affirming nod. “I really like music from that era, it’s really neat.” He nods, agreeing with you in that matter and quietly leaning his shoulder to touch yours.

As you sing softly, you feel him lean closer, eventually leaving you to turn your face to him with a chuckle and a “What are you doi-” that gets cut in your throat when you notice how his breath now clashes against yours. He rose one of his hands and cupped your cheek tenderly, leaning in slowly to press his forehead against yours. Loosening your grip on the guitar, you let a sharp breath in when you felt his warm, soft lips press gently against yours. You kissed him back, only to feel him press back with a small smile on his lips. It was an innocent, tender kiss, filled with emotion.

After breaking off the kiss, you bit your lip and looked down, feeling his hand still gently caress your cheek, nuzzling his nose into your hair and whispering into your ear. “Sono stato stregato da te, dolcezza.” (I’ve been bewitched by you, sweetness.)

You bit your lip, leaving the guitar aside and promptly sitting on his lap, leaning in to kiss him once more after replying with a playful, overjoyed tone. “May it stay that way, bello.”

When dating!

He lives for being touched by you and letting him have his hands all over you! Hugs, twirls in his arms, cuddling, holding your hand, sliding his arm over your shoulder when on the sofa, holding your hand under the table, linking his arm with yours while going for a walk… anything goes as long as it means he gets to have you physically close!

Will encourage you in all the ways and aspects he can! He’s a very very very supportive person and even more so in a relationship! It may even get a bit embarrassing sometimes, but that’s just because he loves you!!!

He finds you being so smart and dedicated a very respectable feat! He will ruffle your hair and hold you in his arms when you get sassy about it and tease you of “not letting you touch the ground until you shut up and kiss him”.

Competitive too so you’re in for banter but the type of banter that you laugh after, expect lots of tickling and playful tossing around after little fights, he’ll most likely start them by throwing you over his shoulder and slamming you (gently of course) on the sofa to slay you with the incessant ticklish touch of his fingers.

He’s 100% into whatever you do, go forth, you’ll always have a big fan! And he’ll immediately join in whatever it is you want to do! He likes to learn new songs for the guitar from you, he was pretty mediocre to begin with quite honestly.

All the kisses, he’ll steal them, give them, receive and please just…. kiss him!!! He loves kissing you to the point he can’t stop thinking about coming back from work to do it.

He’ll watch as you draw and make little scarce comments not to disturb you like “I like the eyes.” or “That outfit choice is the cutest, amore.”

When you read please tell him, he loves serving as your pillow, letting you rest against him as he reads with you over your shoulder, there is little to nothing that he loves more in the world than doing these types of things with you.

He knows how to dance, and he’ll drag you to him in your living room to dance along to any of the old bops you got laying around. Sometimes, you can’t believe you landed such a treasure for a partner… he’s got a vinyl player, it’s heaven.

He sucks at video games, big time! But that won’t stop him from playing Mario Kart with you on Friday nights and getting his butt thoroughly beat and defeated. He always says “If I lose this round, I get a kiss, for trying.” You roll your eyes, but those stupid remarks are one of the many things you love about Tiziano, and he knows it.

Tumblr has eaten all my drafted replies thrice, so that’s another reason updating takes so long, I gotta work on ONE request at a time and finish it, otherwise, when we check in the next morning, it won’t be there (´;ω;｀)

As a side note! Mun Gremlin is an incompetent human being that I bully on the regular and, he’d like to apologize for accidentally reblogging stuff last night into this blog instead of his main. You nasty Gremlin, learn how to use a computer smh. (I love him guys don’t worry it’s a joke, but yeah, he has a hard time with Tumblr sometimes so if you see random reblogs sometimes that get deleted on the blog a bit after, you know who the culprit is （；¬＿¬) )

#Anonymous #tiziano #mun gremlin #mun dia #moodboard matchup #matchup #matchup request #jojosthetic-boogaloo #jjba

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chukwudobelum · 4 years

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5TH INSPIRATIONAL ARTICLE

THEME: THE POSITIVITY I TRAINED

For me, the definition of positivity is hardwork into action to defeat laziness, For laziness takes the place of negativity. Your success is in your hands, achieving success is your capability to do more work. Remember the theme our 3rd Inspirational article"My Dream My Aim". It is your aim to make plans for success, the positivity to train can be reading habits, the positivity to train can be waking up early in the morning, the positivity to train can be your good manners etc.

I can remember a comrade of mine telling me that ' hey! Mike the gym is good to you ', for me that sounds nice, it pleased me hearing that from someone who I thought would have given me a bad comment on the new development of my body. Relating this to the positivity I trained, you will see that it took me my time, effort, days, months, to get a good look of my body shape. It is good when people see the positivity you trained as success in your life, career, and in academic life. Success doesn't come from above, a price was paid to see it manifesting in your life, do not be discouraged when, friends, family, neighbors look at you doing something difficult that will give you joy, and fame you tomorrow and tell you it will be very bad after doing this things, and later on your story becomes something else bad. Always guide your thoughts with this ' it must end in praise '. The people we see in our individual viewpoints today as successful figures trained their good names either in hardwork or in hardwork, that is just the common truth.

Train something positive, and be happy, I will say in my quote " kill the laziness in your young age, and be happy in your old age ", working hard when you are fit, healthy for the work, also my spiritual father will say " whatever you eat in your young age will determine how healthy you will be in your old age ". In training something positive there are so many ups and downs one must surely face, or pass through to get to the success top, or height of the positivity.

When you train, and get good positivity, negativity becomes an alternative in your life, career, and even in achieving your good dream, for positivity with take the place of negativity, and all other enemy that would have taken you down the drain.

Training something good is never easy, be it habit, good manners, moral, or even good timing.

Yes the year (2019) is gradually coming to an end, there will also be so many departments on success, and failure.

- Department of those who will thank God (The creator) for the gift of life.

- Department of those who will thank God for success in career.

- Department of those who will be grateful to God for success in business.

- Department of those who will be grateful to God for fame, and not shame they achieved.

- Department of those who will be grateful to God for success in academics.

- Departments of those who will be grateful to God for married life.

- Department of those who will be grateful to God for they never go bankrupt.

- Department of those who will be grateful to God for promotions, and awards of merit they received.

- Department of those who will be in deep regret for not achieving a dime.

- Department of those who will curse their fate.

- Department of those who will blame other people for not helping them to achieve success.

- Department of those who will be ashamed of themselves for being lazy.

- Department of those who will be in regret of following the wrong way to achieve success.

- Department of those who will blame themselves for training negativity, using it as a corner Stone instead of positivity. And many more.

Ask yourself this question ' if appeared in this Inspirational article several departments of both success, and failure where did I fall in? '. Had it been you trained something positive, you should have been smiling for you have fought a wonderful fight, and you give it a win jollification, for success is happiness.

It is never too late until you give up, the year is coming to and end, but never the end, another year (2020) is also close to start, or begin it's semester, it depends on how you prepare yourself now, your business, career, academic life etc, that will grantee you the level of success you want or need. Say No to laziness ( negativity ), and say yes to hardwork ( positivity ) for hardwork is success.

A common question people ask often is how those who make it to the top attain their success, remember in achieving anything good, or bad a price must be paid, one of the many answers to the this question could be hidden in what they adopt as their daily rituals.

WHAT ARE RITUALS?

Any practice or pattern of behaviour regularly performed in a set of manner.

Rituals help to develop healthy habits as well as the discipline you need to succeed (positivity).

Introducing new rituals into your daily life can seem intimidating at first, but it is something that you can achieve. It starts with deciding what daily ritual or rituals you want to adopt, committing to them to at least thirty days (30 days), and then tweaking them if necessary. The process won't, and can never always be an easy or consistent one, but with the potential benefits that come with it are innumerable, I ( Chukwudobelum), I'm a witness.

SOME RITUALS ONE CAN TRAIN TO BE SUCCESSFUL

WAKE UP EARLY

Waking up early can be challenging especially if you don't see yourself as a morning person. However, waking up early before the sunrises could give you a great head start, and get your day on the right track. When you are early to rise, you are more likely to racing against the clock because you Sept in until noon. Learn to wake up early for the nature also will bless, and make your day good.

MEDITATE EVERY MORNING

You have likely heard so much buzz about meditation that if you didn't care about it before, you are curious to see if what all the hype is about now. It is a practice where you use techniques to train your attention and awareness. The ultimate goal of meditation should be to make yourself mentally calm, and emotionally stable. For those that are new to meditation, you can start by getting comfortable, and preparing to sit still for a few minutes, you then focus your attention on your inhale, and exhale, and follow your breath for at least two minutes.

PLAN YOUR DAY ALWAYS

Planning your day early should help you better manage your time as you will know exactly what your objectively for the day are, and you won't get lost in all the fluffiness surrounding you (like watching TV). Always have a note book, write down the things you want to accomplish, while also using that time to brainstorm your tasks. Have you thought about a ceremony that has no planning committee, you should be the chairman planning committee of your dream, for your success is in your hands.

MAKE TIME FOR THINGS YOU VALUE

Getting so caught up in your desire to succeed can keep you from living a balanced life. To stay grounded, don't forget to connect with the people, and things that you love. A failure to do so could result in you neglecting your support system or the things that make you who you are.

EXERCISE

There are endless benefits of exercise, and this may be why so many successful people have it on their list of daily rituals, which I (Chukwudobelum) have adopted that to be the third on my list of daily rituals, you also can have it on your list, for it will make you fit to achieve success. Barack Obama, former president of the United States, said he would start his day early so that he could prioritize exercise. Exercise could be a key to success, because it is said to improve your cognitive functioning. Exercise can help build your mental strength, which is something you will need to overcome the obstacles you may face. This goes to say that although has many benefits for your body, it does a great deal for your mind, too. Exercise acts as a confidence booster while, at the same time, nourishing the body with endorphins, and everything else that comes with increasing ones heart rate. Make it a habit, and you live to see many more years.

READING OFTEN

Adult life can be so hectic that you seldom find time to read books, I can remember one famous person who I once read his history, who takes reading seriously - WARREN BUFFET, he dedicates 80% of each day to reading, in his philosophy,he says that " when you read, your knowledge builds up like compound interest ", this is a true one, as well an inspiring one, reading takes you to places you never has been before, it opens your eye to know what you could have lost. Reading will tell you of the history, it will place you in a dilemma of not going back to failure if you make it a habit. Reading helps you to know the ' true ', and ' false '. With this in your mind, be selective about the books you read, as highly successful individuals tend to choose education over entertainment, though indulging in fantasy, fiction, and all other kinds of genres probably won't really hurt you either.

CARRY A NOTEBOOK

You never can tell when inspiration will strike, I can remember vividly a day I was on a bus travelling, in my bag I had no notebook, and my phone was battery low, an inspirational was flowing from a fellow passenger, to me it was sounding so banal for I had nothing to jot down Good things he (the passenger) was saying, though I can still remember the theme of his sermon that very morning (the theme was a true disciple), that taught me a big lesson of my life. So always carry a notebook around with you, this gives you a chance to jot down notes, and ideas that you would otherwise forget. You can have a number of notebooks, and place them in your daily bag, office, and anywhere else you are regularly. When everything is written down, you know that your best ideas are kept in a safe place. Some people may choose to keep this idea notebook separate from daily journal, and others might be happier combining all of their experiences, and ideas into one singular place, so find what works best for you.

With consistency, you should begin to see yourself blossoming into the successful person you have always envisioned yourself to be. Training something positive have been said in so many paragraphs in this article is not, and can never be easy, try alot of different things, and be honest with yourself about what works, and what doesn't work. In no time, you will have your own positive habits that help push you into being what you consider a successful person, even if that is not the same as what it is for everyone else. Just don't give up, remember it takes real grit to stand up to failure.

In training something positive can also be greatly driven by other people. By having good friends, show me your friend and I will tell you who you are like they say, sometimes the type of friend we keep determines the type of success we have, when you surround yourself with good people, staying phlegm with them you will come to realize that bad friends doesn't help. When you surround yourself with good friends, keeping bad friends becomes the least things you will never do.

- Surrounding yourself with the right type of people can help success come more naturally to you than being around those who might hold you back, or even take you down the drain.

- Keeping close to people with big Dream and plans for themselves, because seeing other people's drive will keep you hungry to reach your goals.

- Negative attitudes you know can drag you down work ethic, and don't offer any Inspiration, but people with positive attitudes can help keep motivation, and morale help.

- People who ask lots of questions may provide a different angle on an issue or an idea, which could ultimately lead to an important breakthrough for you or your business.

The people we choose to surround ourselves with impacts the way we think, act, and feel on a day-to-day basis. A young football player is going to succeed if he surrounds himself with people who push him to become better, not people who distract him from his potential.

To conclude, you are the sum of who you spend your time with, I will say in my quote that " anyone who calls you good names, but doesn't want to show you how to be good is never a friend ". Make sure that you are directly involved with people who lift you, Inspire you, and motivate you to do, and be more. As you grow and your business grows, this might mean changing friends, and colleagues, and that is part of life. Just trust that hardwork, positivity, and keeping your sights high are things you cannot risk deviating from if you want the life of your dreams. To add up I will say " many wants to jump on the bandwagon of my Media , not because I'm too good, but because there's something to gain ". Remain positive to success!, and fill your days with good people and be good.

BY: CHUKWUDOBELUM

#inspirational quotes #notebooks #quotes #inspiring quotes #photographers on tumblr #aesthetic #ishootfilm #book quotes #travel #fitblr

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