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tmisaccidentreportbook · 1 year

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MAG035, Old Passages

Case #0020406, Harold Silvana Release date: September 8th, 2016 First listen: 6th November, think it was still the walk home.

Where we see more of my goth son, Smirke’s name joins the blacklist in my mind, and in my messages with dodgylogic, Leitner’s name is autocorrected to all caps for the first time, a feature that endures still. Also that start of my conspiracy theory board entitled ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS UNDER LONDON?’

- Harold Silvana is a name we’ve already heard in passing, back in MAG024 where Sasha was hunting down the police reports for the incident. That was recorded somewhere between mid March and very early April, and it is now mid July. So investigation and research on this case has taken maybe four months, possibly longer, before it is fit for recording and archiving. I don’t know if that can be used as a bench mark for how long the process typically takes, because there is a lot going on in this one. It’s one I like to refer to as a ‘fear goulash’ statement; there’s a lot of flavours up in here.

- The Reform Club, Pall Mall. It’s just north of Westminster, with in spitting distance of Buckingham Palace and No. 10 Downing Street. Looking at the map, there’s an area of London, about 3 miles across, on the north side of the river, that has Pall Mall, Millbank, Chelsea and the seat of British power that just has all sorts of bad vibes rattling about…

- ‘I’m a builder. Sort of… In simple terms it’s not much different to any other sort of construction work, except it takes about three times as long and costs ten times as much.’ First impressions, I like him. He feels like an up front sort of character, and while he has to play the games and use the lingo, he feels like a grounded person.

- ‘…me and my team are worth every penny.’ He’s got a team, acknowledging the team. We love to see it.

- ‘And the sort of people I deal with, or should I say the sort of people whose personal assistants I deal with, can afford it.’ Ah yes, we are talking London money aren’t we. Central London money.

- Release the antique smut poems, V&A Museum! You cowards!

- ‘… so we could only actually come out of the basement when it wasn’t full of people too important to see builders.’ Urgh, God. Can’t believe the ‘below stairs’ mentality persists in today’s society but here we are… Not quite the same, but kinda reminds me of the 2 summers I was interning at a falconry breeding centre and the vast majority of the birds were being bred for the market in the Arab Peninsula. So the emir would send his men over to look at the birds and select the ones they wanted and all the women had be be else where, out of sight. So we all agreed it was fucking stupid and took the paid afternoon off we were given.

- I’m trying to work out how the listing system works and it all looks a bit subjective to me. Grade Is are defined a ‘buildings of exceptional interest’, and structures get ranked on age and rarity, aesthetic merit, selectivity, and national interest amongst other things. Being a Grade I puts you on par with Blackpool Tower, the Cenotaph, York Minster, and the Tower of London to name but a few.

- ‘It was about two in the morning when the kid showed up.’ Ooof… having to completely adjust your sleep schedule for these rich fucks, ugh. Also, my sweet boy.

- ‘I think he must have forgotten to lock the door when he headed out, and that’s how the kid got in.’ Even if that is the case, you know Gerry has a set of lock pick on him and is well practised at using them, even at this age.

- ‘…this was still the first week in March and it was pretty cold’ and Gerry is there in a t-shirt.

- ‘His hair was long and greasy, almost down to his shoulders, and looked to be dyed almost the same black as his clothes.’ The attacks on my son’s hair started early… I am begging someone, anyone at the institute, please take my boy to a salon and let them do it right for him. Let someone pamper him for a brief snippet of time.

- While this instinct was coming from the wrong place the decision ‘to be gentle in my initial enquiries’ may have bought him a little bit of grace. Out right aggression may have made it all much messier.

- We’re getting crumbs of Leitner lore. ‘A businessman from Norway.’ I was still somewhat naive as to who Leitner was, but in my chat’s with dodgylogic, I’d sent something along the lines of ‘part of me hopes Leitner is just a normal weird white guy with far too much money and a perverted sense of curiosity and just doesn’t give a damn about the rest of society, because to be honest I can’t think of anything more scary in this world right now.’ I wrote during the US 2020 election week. I feel the sentiment stands.

- ‘I don’t know what his business was…’ I imagine he was in the business of business.

- ‘Portly, middle-aged, short blond hair in the middle of going grey, well-tailored business suit.’… How small would you say his hands were?

- ‘He smiled an odd little smile as he said it, which put me a bit on edge.’ uncomfortable noises

- Next comes a paragraph of ‘he began to get shifty’, lying about permissions and protocol, got ‘very defensive’, when they’re going to go over his head he ‘started screaming that we didn’t understand what we were talking about, that he didn’t need to explain himself to the likes of us’, and, oh yes, this feels familiar…

- ‘… this teenage burnout turned up’. I legit put my hand over my heart and made an affronted noise. So rude about my goth son.

- ‘‘Can you smell it?’ he said, and for a brief moment, I could smell something.’ Once again, l’eau de creepy shit strikes again. Follow your nose to where nobody goes. Follow that smell to find personal hell. Follow the odour for a mental off-roader… I think I’m out. Nope, wait, follow the scent for a psyche descent.

- ‘…with a swing stronger than I would have thought possible from his age and skinny frame.’ My boy is scrappy. When you are fighting eldritch horrors for your life on the regs, you probably develop some functional strength.

- ‘… listening to his CD player and waiting.’ Ah, the early ‘00s. Though, you would have had to wrestle my Walkman away from me, audio books are one of the few things that kept me sane in my early teens.

- The universe of The Magnus Archives, defined as ‘this stuff’ by one, Gerard Keay.

- ‘…but Alf was always too curious for his own good.’ And that’s all The Entities need. One weak link, one moment of curiosity.

- ‘We had plenty of torches…so we each took one large one and a smaller back-up in case the first had any problems.’ Smart. Smart bunnies.

- Seeing as Gerard was the one to put them on to this, I don’t quite know how they thought they had any real reason to stop him at this stage, even if they could. Gerard was the most clued in person in that room.

- ‘…mid-19th century’ would put us at around the same time The Magnus Institute moved from Edinburgh to London, in 1841 and the Carlton Club, quick look up and it’s a private members club and the original home of, oh God, home of the Conservative Party… That explains a thing or two.

- ‘Alf kept asking Rachel if the corridor was getting narrower, and every time, she would dutifully measure the width and inform him that, no, it was exactly five feet wide.’ A woman of rationality and science, I like her.

- ‘I counted thirteen.’ ROLL CALL!

‘I’ve never had any sort of claustrophobia, but I was finding it hard, at points to catch my breath, to dismiss the feeling that the walls were pressing on me.’ The Buried.

‘There was one that, for all the world, it felt like I was going to fall into it.’ I’m going to say The Vast.

‘Another was so dark that our torches didn’t seem to reach more than a few feet inside.’ The Dark.

‘…flashes of a pile of paper, completely covered in cobweb,’ The Web.

‘…a figure stood in the darkness, a stranger I didn’t know but was sure meant me harm,’ The Stranger

- ‘…my skin burning, hot, choking on smoke down there in the dark.’ The Desolation.

- ‘Robert Smirke, 1835. Balance and fear.’ Ok, so that gives us 6 years before The Magnus Archives moves to London. 14 years after Millbank was completed.

- I can’t remember why, but I did vaguely remember the name ‘Robert Smirke’ when I first heard it from Jonathan, I can only assume I’d heard it on a documentary somewhere. I’m one of those folks; I won’t watch a movie, I’ll trawl BBC iPlayer or YouTube for a documentary that takes my fancy.

- ‘…often described as ‘theatrical’. Of course he fucking was, he ran in the same circles as Jonah Magnus, of course he was extra a fuck. And he designed the British Museum and the Carlton Club? All just one big, messy, imperialist, conservative ouroboros that instead of eating its’ own tail, it’s sucking its’ own dick.

- ‘We stood there for some time as I explained this to the others.’ Info dump time, my friend.

- Which tunnel did you pick Gerard? Which one were you seeking?

- Tunnel was damper, and the walls seemed ‘oddly slimy’, when Hoard fell his hand ‘came away faintly tinged with red’, ‘lights up ahead’. I’m not sure which, but I’d put money on either The Slaughter or The Flesh. Oh wait no, ‘lights up ahead’, maybe The End?

- ‘He was only a skinny kid, but he was so strong, and kept his footing.’ When you’re fuelled with knowledge and a will to survive, you’re make of hardy stuff.

- Is this the book that we see Mary Kaey with in MAG004? The one that shed small animal bones?

- ‘It makes me feel sick, though, like we’re just abandoning Alf, dishonouring his memory.’ Ooof, buddy. The cover up, the power, the money, the privilege, urgh. I’m sorry, bud.

- I can see why The Reform Club don’t want to talk, but I wonder my Howard Silvana now doesn’t want to discus it? Might go a ways to explain why this investigation has taken a while as Sasha has been trying to speak to people for ‘the last three months.’

- So Jurgen Leitner was ‘one of the premier worldwide dealers in rare and antique books’. Aok, so he did have a career in business that wasn’t only shady shit.

- ‘… I can’t help but wonder whether that was where they were found, or just where they were stored.’ Reminds me of a question that was asked about Leitner books in a Q&A session and Jonny’s answer was along the lines of ‘you’re assuming a Leitner book needs to be written.’

- ‘Architecture is one of his specialist areas,’ Tim has such hidden depths, I love him.

- What the fuck does “A master of subtle stability” even mean? Is it code for ‘unhinged bitch fucking with power you don’t wanna find out’?

- ‘...Smirke’s buildings have higher percentages of reported paranormal sightings than any other architect of similar profile.’ You don’t say…

- Jon calling for Martin like that, like he’s calling a dog to heel…

- And the demon cockney delivery drivers lie in wait… They clock the tape recorder on, can they feel The Web’s influence coming off of it, or is it just that they noticed?

- I love their delivery, like it’s one thought and one breath split across 2 people. They really are a matching set, makes it all the more tragic after season 3.

#the magnus archives #MAG035

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marisandini-chu-blog · 3 years

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BRUCE WAYNE NEEDS MORE FRIENDS!!!

Okay... IDEAAAAA!!!

So... I’ve been binging batman and batfam fics and posts because I would die for them (but who doesn’t?) and it suddenly occurred to me that our favorite emotionally constipated person Bruce Wayne... doesn’t have a lot of friend.

Specifically, he doesn’t have a lot of civilian friend.

The only person I know I’m aware he’s closely acquainted was Harvey Dent and... well... you guys know what happened.

So yeah it made me crave to give this walking trauma of a man for some friend that actually has common sense other than Alfred and would willingly interact seemingly among the Batfam.

Kiran Devabhaktuni is one example of a marvelous OC by audreycritter (@agent-skulldrey) that I wish was canon because good God that family needs more than doctor than just Leslie and puts up none of Batman’s shits and is like a brother to Bruce. Gosh dammit I can’t get enough of him! If you don’t know him, check out Cor Et Cerebrum. Beautiful fic.

But come on, can’t Bruce have more friends in his life that’s not in one part of his life!!! C’mon DC!!! Give us some good stuff!!!

Alas, as I lament about this unfortunate circumstances, I decided to make him a friend and share it with you guys.

I’m gonna be upfront and say the OC I had in mind is just a copy-paste of Erin Gruwell with a twist. If you don’t know, go watch, read, or simply google Freedom Writers because I cried the whole day because of them.10/10 totally recommend because good God, there’s nothing more inspiring than children in bad situation manage to reinvent themselves to be better than what society believes them to be.. Which makes me think... what if there’s a Gotham!FreedomWriters and my mind began to race of this idea.

The OC basically has similar background with Erin Gruwell, from the good part of Gotham or Bristol, who only ever been outside looking in at the criminal-ridden city. Faced with kids with difficult home life, traumatized, practically homeless, believing they live a life of war because they need to be affiliated with a gang to survive. She then learned about the wrong preconception she has on these troubles kids and decided to help them by teaching them tolerance, compassion, and understanding through writing and assigning books they could empathize and IT WORKS!!!

How does Bruce Wayne comes into this?

Well... in the book, it was told Erin work together with a millionaire who offered a lot of charity that helps and support these kids and Erin’s teaching plan. Such as giving them computers to write a book, funding a field trip that helps them meet the Holocaust survivors, even offering these kids work and scholarships once they graduate. Someone that some of the kids of the class admits that they see him as a father figure because the ones they had were shitty.

See where am I going with this?

If you say, more Robins, no! Absolutely not. Bruce isn’t adopting any of them. I’m aware Bruce has a problem but NO!

So here’s how I imagine their meeting would be.

OC works part-time in a hotel belong to Bruce because the school was being stingy in borrowing out books for the “Special” class that admits kids with records or from low-income family as part of a charity program or something. So OC has to work to buy her class new and relevant books that would interest her students.

There was a gala, she was a waitress, and for some reason or another she meets Bruce and they start talking. What did they talk about? I have no idea. This is still the concept phase guys. I don’t know everything from about my own brainchild.

Now, I know that sounds like meet-cute first meeting, but I want to emphasize the fact I want them to be BEST FRIENDS! It’s possible they might have a relationship in the distant future but if they were, it would be base on the fact they were best friends first and foremost! Which make their bond that strong.

Not to mention that OC is an English teacher so imagine if Jason Todd-Wayne, English nerd Robin extraordinaire, be in her class among all the other kids from the worst part of Gotham. Jason would be the OC’s pet teacher and OC would be Jason’s favorite teacher ( but to be fair, in this scenario, she’s everyone’s fav teach). Jason love her so much ,he wanted to be an English Teacher that can help people like OC. And Jason would actually have civilians friends he could relate and rely on instead of being an outcast among other rich friends.

So when parent-teacher conference was underway. All the other parents didn’t come because they’re either shitty or too busy earning money to live. Imagine Bruce being the only parent arriving to find the waitress from his hotel. And because Bruce is Batman and Batman is curious as the deepest depth of hell itself, he might be curious of why a teacher from one of the most well-paid school would overwork with a double job. Especially when Bruce-secretly-a-helicopter-parent-Wayne notice the body-tells OC made when she lied about the reason when asked.

So of course he checks, this is his son’s teacher, he needs to know there’s nothing sinister going on.

Which led to him finding out about the fresh books that wasn’t assigned by the school, which led to him supporting her endeavor without her overworking herself because apparently she has THREE jobs just to support her one job as a teacher. Which made Bruce thinks “WTF, and I thought I’m a workaholic.”

Anyway, when the two work together they shared a deep understanding of trying to make Gotham a better place. They’re both from the good part of Gotham or Bristol who has limited understanding about living a life in actual Gotham, just knowing that it’s a bad place. Both want to better the place, Bruce through charities and OC through her teachings. Both saw there’s hope and second chances for people of Gotham and willing to fight for it in their own way without giving up. As well as their effort to help helpless children.

Bruce later admired greatly and respect OC because Bruce has help people both as a Wayne and as Batman, but the same as her class, Bruce finds hope in her method that by teaching compassion and tolerance, people (especially children) can change to be a better persons and live a better life. That life in Gotham isn’t one way ticket to hopelessness because of where you’re born. Not only that, but for OC to persist being kind and compassiom despite reading and seeing the cruelty Gotham has to offer.

I imagine Bruce showed his Brucie Wayne persona at first, but grew more and more lax as time passed. They both love Jason so they would bond from talking about him and Bruce might actually have a friend he can ask advice in regards to parenting. With Bruce being "Urgh, kids, you know?" And she's like, "Oh please, tell me more of your one troubled kid with my 150 one."

OC also becomes comfortable to talk about her grief of her dead mother, the divorce she recently settled, and just hangs out with Bruce. The struggle to not be jaded by the things she reads her students had to suffer. Because OC isn't only kind by nature, but she's kind by choice.

Now, in Freedom Writers the class was assigned to write a diary everyday. Including Jason. Imagine if you will, when Jason died. OC gave Bruce Jason’s diary for his birthday, and stayed. Imagine Bruce having someone to share their grief with someone who understands other than Alfred. Imagine the Freedom Writers gave a tribute to Jason on their graduation because they love him and know he would have been valedictorian had he been alive and Bruce cried for the first time since he held Jason’s dead body.

I have other ideas relating to OC but it’s more Jason’s perspective. Let me know if you want to read more of what I have in mind because I’ve word vomit enough.

#batman #bruce wayne #jason todd #oc #freedom writers #erin gruwell #Gotham #word vomit #headcanon #fanfic #bruce wayne deserves more friend #he needs more friend!!!#so does Jason #batdad #batfam

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fire-emblem-heroes-supports · 5 years

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Summoner/F!Robin C-S Support

Written by robluu321

C SUPPORT

F!Robin: Um, excuse me, (y/n).

(y/n): Uh?… Oh, Robin, good afternoon.

F!Robin: Good afternoon. Would you mind to answer me three questions I have?

(y/n): Sure. I may have work to do, but I’m not in a hurry. What do you want to know?

F!Robin: First… where did you learn your tactics?.

(y/n): Ah, that’s an easy one. Well, after I was summoned, I read a lot of books about military strategy… That’s how I learnt most of what I know about it.

F!Robin: Wait, so… you didn’t know anything about being a tactician before that?

(y/n): I had a little “experience”, I guess… since I played things called “video games”… but yeah. If we compare my knowledge now to my knowledge when I was in my world… there’s an abysmal difference. Part of the problem is, where I come from, magic does not exist.

F!Robin: Wow… weird… so you had to adapt to understand tactics with mages?

(y/n): Indeed. Honestly, all this stuff – dragons, magic, medieval life style… It’s all strange to me. There are legends and stories about it, but I never lived anything like this until now.

F!Robin: That brings up my next question. Many Heroes here say you describe stuff that we’ve never seen, many say you may be… um… crazy, and you just imagine them, actually… You said something about having played a… video… video game.

(y/n): It’s understandable. It’d be hard for anyone here to picture what a video game is, and I’d have a hard time myself explaining what it is. They don’t have to believe me if they don’t want to. The only way I could get you to understand would be to open a gateway to my world and bring back a video game and a console, or to bring you to my old house but… Well, I can’t do that.

F!Robin: That’s… convenient… but maybe it has something to do with my third questio Alfonse said you didn’t want to return to your own world… why?… don’t you have loved ones there?.

(y/n): I do. But opening a gateway to my world would be… Let’s say that, in my world, we have what we call… petroleum. It’s a mineral oil that we use for fuel, and very important for our economy. And… as you might suspect, it’s becoming rarer and rarer… I fear that if we open a gate, people would end up discovering Askr and come to steal its resources…

F!Robin: …Are you shaking?

(y/n): …Honestly, I am happier to be here… But you don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to. I guess that answers your three questions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.

F!Robin: Wait!… They left…

[(y/n) and F!Robin have reached support rank C.]

SUPPORT B

(y/n): If only I could understand this better… Damn.

F!Robin: (y/n)!

(y/n): Robin? What a surprise.

F!Robin: I still had another question. Please don’t run away this time.

(y/n): …What is it?.

F!Robin: Why did you say you were happier here than in your home world?

(y/n): Well… Here, I’m more important than I am at home… Unlike all of you Heroes, I’ve never fought an evil empire trying to conquer the world nor an evil dragon trying to destroy humanity… I was just a regular person, like any villager.

F!Robin: So you were like Donnel before he joined the Shepherds, and your life here is more exciting.

(y/n): Pretty much, yeah… Okay, now may I ask you something as well?

F!Robin: Of course. (y/n): I don’t wanna sound rude but… why are asking me so many questions?

F!Robin: Let’s say… I feel a special connection with you.

(y/n): Connection? What do you mean? F!Robin: I’m not sure… It’s just, we’re very similar in some aspects: we’re both tacticians, working along a blue haired prince who has a cute younger sister and wields a legendary sword, our clothes are similar… The fear you displayed when you talked about an army from your world… It’s similar to the fear I had when I faced Walhart and his men… and…

(y/n): And? F!Robin: And we both worry too much about others, to the point we overwork ourselves to ensure their safety. We also both prefer to stay with the friends we made along the way than to live the destiny we were suposed to live before our adventure began.

(y/n): I see… let me test ask you something else. Did you decide to kill Grima, despite knowing it would kill you as well, because you couldn’t have lived the rest of your life in peace? Because it would have been selfish? Because it might have allowed the future where Lucina came from to happen again?

F!Robin: …I’m just one woman… Chrom and all the others didn’t understand that. My life is nothing compared to many lifes.

(y/n): But life does not care for what we want or what makes us feel better. For what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice, Robin. Even if it was a hard decision. Remember this: the hardest choices require the strongest will.

F!Robin: …Thank you for being so understanding, (y/n).

(y/n): You’re welcome. I’m gonna have to cut our chat short though… I still have a lot of working to do.

F!Robin: Would you like some help?

(y/n): Haha. Yes, why not?

[(y/n) and F!Robin have reached support rank B.]

SUPPORT A

F!Robin: You know, when you said you had too much work to do, I thought you meant making tactics, but all these… the telescope, compass, thermometer… They are just wonderful.

(y/n): They truly are. A shame the vast majority of people would be unable to explain how they work, let alone build them.

F!Robin: That makes sense, I suppose… After all, I would be unable to build a ballista. So you really are from a completely different world, aren’t you?

(y/n): Mhm. Feels weird to live in a medieval setting.

F!Robin: What do you mean by medieval?

(y/n): A long time ago, my world was very similar to Askr or Ylisse. Well, without magic, pegasi, wyverns, dragons and all that stuff, of course.

F!Robin: Ah, that’s right, no magic. Then it must have been pretty difficult to do certain things, and I guess battles were more simple, only melee fights… (y/n): Oh, no, actually. In modern society, we have weapons that allow us to fight from a distance.

F!Robin: Like archers?

(y/n): Sort of? I guess you could think of such weapons as evolved bows and arrows… Wait, I think I can explain. You see how Breidablik works?

F!Robin: Yes. You load it with orbs and then you push that thing here, and it fires. Like a crossbow.

(y/n): Haha, I didn’t think about it, but it does work a bit like a crossbow. To me, it’s more similar to one of the weapons I just mentioned – a gun.

F!Robin: Interesting… So, instead of orbs, you’d load a “gun” with another kind of projectile. Similar to cannonballs, but smaller.

(y/n): Exactly. We call them bullets.

F!Robin: Um… Would have been pretty convenient if Breidablik could do that.

(y/n): Ha! Yeah… I could have headshoted Surtr or Veronica and we’d all be happy right now. Well, in theory.

F!Robin: Such efficient yet deadly new weapons… I can see why anyone from your world coming here with ill intentions would be worrisome.

(y/n): Yes… The mere idea this could happen makes me… makes me… urgh…

F!Robin: You’re trembling again. Are you okay?

(y/n): Yes, yes… Sorry. I worry too much, don’t I? After all, there’s no way this could happen. As long as I’m using Breidablik with good intentions in mind, this will never… urgh.

F!Robin: …You know you’re not alone, right? Everyone here is your friend. We can support you. There’s no point in getting sick with worry. That’s what my own friends taught me.

(y/n): Thank you, Robin. I appreciate the thought. But as my duty-

F!Robin: Oh, please. Don’t give me the “duty” excuse. I’ll help you, everyday! I know how it feels to work restlessly… so please, just let me help you.

(y/n): In that case… Alright, friend. Thanks a lot.

F!Robin: Don’t mention it.

[(y/n) and F!Robin have reached support rank A.]

S SUPPORT

F!Robin: You!

(y/n): Argh!

F!Robin: Stay right here! Don’t try to run away!

F!Robin: You owe me an explanation, and I want it now!

(y/n): R-Robin? I… Um… I have to–

F!Robin: Work to do, yes, I know. That’s the problem! What’s gotten into you? All of a sudden, it’s like I’m not allowed to work with you anymore! I just wanted to make sure you’d be fine, as a friend, and now you are overworking yourself again! Why?

(y/n): I know, I just… You’re… distracting me.

F!Robin: Distracting you…? So you’re saying it’s my fault then.

(y/n): I mean… Do you have any idea how hard it is to focus on skills sets or strategies for Tempest Trials when there’s someone as kindhearted and pretty as you always standing near me?!

F!Robin: …Excuse me?

(y/n): You gave me a hand when I needed it the most… and after that, every time you helped me, the only thing I could think about was how smart and beautiful you are. Sheesh, I even spilled tea all over me the other day because I was thinking about your smile.

F!Robin: (y/n)… I had no idea…

(y/n): I know. I’m sorry I changed my mind about working together and gave you no explanation. Well, here’s your reason. I love you. It’s just… In order to stay focused on my duties, I needed you to stay away from my job.

F!Robin: …You are such an idiot. Instead of taking such a rash decision, you should have told me. Who’s to say I don’t feel the same about you? Geez… I hadn’t confessed and I still thought you had rejected me.

(y/n): I-I’m sorry… I never expected I had a chance. But… maybe we can try.

F!Robin: What do you mean?

(y/n): If we both feel the same, maybe I won’t have any problem being in love with you and working at your side.

F!Robin: Now that sounds like a good decision. Here, let me tell you something.

[(y/n) and F!Robin have reached support rank S.]

Confession quote:

F!Robin: “Your dedication to help everyone, your kindness, your intelligence… I love it all. You opened my eyes to wonders I would have never imagined. I can not imagine how my life would have been like had I never met you. Let’s stay by each other’s side, for the rest of our lives.”

#male and female heroes #fire emblem awakening #submission #y'all have no idea how much time i spent proofreading this #in the end i changed so many things T___T i hope the writer can still recognize their support chain #i'm sorry writer i hope that's okay and sorry it took me so long

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transgalthoughts · 3 years

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Okay my self pity is genuinely limitless rn idk if I should try and change that or not I feel like I'm doing the like

Because I used to be so self critical I'm like WOW YEAH THIS IS AN IMPROVEMENT but it's actually like

Way too far

But like I just urgh

We got onto the subject of like kinks and stuff and someone asked me the kinkiest thing I've done so I was like nah I'm good thanks and then I got pressured into saying it and I was fine with that and then Samiyah was like *wow can't believe you got someone to do that* and like I just didn't know how to respond but how I should have responded is *I hate how people talk about sex and particularly kinks as if they are something a guy coaxes an unwilling girl into doing, she was like an enthusiastic participant in it, I can't remember who suggested that particular thing but she suggested and we tried variations upon it and she was the one who suggested us both just like coming up with random stuff to try to experiment with what we like* and it just

Pisses me off like

Fucking

Much

That even in consensual sex between willing participants in a long term relationship I will somehow still be painted as a gross guy pressuring girls into doing things I just absolutely detest it

Like genuinely if I can't pass there is absolutely no way I am ever engaging in any form of romantic or sexual activity with a girl ever again because in literally every single possible imaginable scenario I can somehow be represented as this gross PoS whether because I don't try something kinky they wanna try so I'm a prick who only cares about my pleasure

I try that thing so I'm a cunt who probably pressured her into that

I don't put effort into the relationship so I'm an arsehole who isn't bothering to make them feel happy

I put lots of effort into the relationship so I'm overbearing

And that's assuming someone doesn't use me to fulfill a fucking abuse fantasy

I am just so utterly and completely done with it

I know I'm not gonna have biological children and that's not for any lofty ideals or so people don't know I'm trans or even because of the practical issues

It's cos you can't sex select biological children and I cannot take the risk of having a male child because I don't know how to teach someone to value anything other than kindness and love (and like those are the only things I think should be valued both in terms of exhibiting and experiencing them and how tf am I meant to teach someone to value stuff I don't value and don't think needs to be valued)

And existence is just not fucking worth it as a guy in this society if that's what you value

Like I have a lot of fucking bones to pick with my parents but ultimately like them being "good parents" up til like me being 10 is what fucked me up the most because at that time they taught me that those were the only things that mattered and I think they are probably right about that

But if you're a guy in this society then

Society very very much disagrees and will make your life an absolute living hell for existing that way

And I can't bear the idea of subjecting my future kids to that same thing and what if they don't go through as much shit as me and don't ever get out of that coping mechanism circle

It took so so much for me to finally decide to transition I mean the clincher was the realisation that I had tried every possible variation on being a guy and every single one of them was worse than being dead so what's the worst that can happen from transitioning? It's just my final option before suicide if it ends up being worse I haven't lost anything cos in the days before HRT I'd be dead already so all of this is just like extra time

But even then I am just

So fucking bitter about the fact that my life will always be immeasurably worse than it would have been if I'd like just been a cis girl and I cannot get away from that

I am gonna have to spend the rest of my life consciously altering my voice

My body is always gonna be gross and angular

I'm obviously gonna be so much less attractive than I would have been if I had have been born without a y chromosome

I'm gonna have to like dilate my vagina

I'm gonna have to defend my right to exist to every single person I meet or fabricate elaborate lies about my life and deliberately drop anyone I am close to atm

And it just isn't fucking fair

Why does half the population get to be born with the sum total of all the aspirations I have in the world

Idgaf what job I get beyond how it pays for surgery and how easy it will be to pass/be accepted within that job

How the fuck am I meant to care about anything other than transitioning when how it goes is the sole determinant of whether my existence will continue or not

And that just

Isn't a thing for literally anyone else

I'm stuck in the past crying about how I will never have a childhood or teenage years that I can look back on

I don't even mean I can't look back on them fondly loads of people have a shit childhood but at least they can grow from it and learn big life lessons

But I can't because as soon as I transition the rules will change

Who I was when I was 8 and extensively bullied for being feminine and introverted, genuinely introverted not just socially awkward, is something I have had to unlearn my entire fucking life up until this point just to survive and once I transition the rules will switch and I can just go back to that core but with more emotional maturity

My growth has been backwards and not in a *I'm suddenly realising this now* way, in a *I knew all along it was an adaptation to socialising as a guy and now I gotta revert*

And that would be my fucking son if I ever have one

But what if they aren't already depressed before puberty starts, and so their first proper crush works out and they successfully live vicariously through their partner until they're like 25 and then they break up because the partner realises how much more is available to them because what girl wouldn't want to experience being pursued I mean it is literally the best feeling in the world and is available limitlessly to every cis girl with 0 effort

And then they will end up exactly where I was at 18

Feeling fucking stranded as they slowly realise that their entire life was based upon living vicariously through their girlfriend and there is nothing left for them anymore, if it had been so much longer then would they then try transitioning or just be overwhelmed and unable to stomach 4 years of abject misery in order to maybe eventually be happy bit probably not because they are probably not gonna be able to pass

I honestly think the only way to raise a guy and for them to even have a chance at a semi decent life is to teach them to be a bit of a cunt because society will punish anything else.

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benxsamuel · 7 years

Text

Ian Mackaye on everything

Ian Mackaye’s interview with Huck Magazine is an endless source of practical, life-affirming wisdom. It would be a shame to condense it to a bite-sized quote so this is going to be one long post:

On navigation versus survival:

I understand that people, melodramatically, may consider life something one has to survive. But you’re alive, that’s what life is, you are surviving. It plays into this idea that people’s lives are narratives – that it’s a film or book and you have to survive all this craziness. I think it’s a disservice, ultimately, because it makes others feel like their lives aren’t crazy enough. In my mind, life is not a war – although human beings create conditions that make it feel that way – and I think that navigation is a fairer term. I see life essentially as an empty field. The construct of that empty space has to do with society, but it also has to do with us. The only real question is how are we going to navigate that space, from beginning to end. If people thought of themselves as navigators, maybe they would have more purchase. Navigation is about having a say in the matter, whereas surviving is about dealing with things being thrown at you. With navigation you get to decide whether you want to be in that situation in the first place.

On success:

You could say society sees success as absolute – you’re either winning or you’re losing. Can success be interpreted as just keeping going? Success is a perpetual state of affairs. With my music for instance, I’m not goal-oriented. The decision to be in a band was huge for me. I came to a realisation that I could do this, because punk gave me the permission slip. I was able to play bass, which is crazy – here’s this animal beating on a wire, and a tune is coming out. That is success. Then I played with other people, and these animals organised those sounds in a way that was recognisable. That is success. We wrote our own songs. That is success. We played a show. That is success. Every day is a success – if you’re in the moment.

On punk:

My definition of punk is the free space. It’s an area in which new ideas can be presented without having to go through the filtration or perversion of profiteering. So, if we’re not worried about selling things, then we can actually think. The problem with new ideas is that they don’t have audiences. And in terms of the marketplace, an audience equals clientele. If you have no audience, it’s not profitable. Punk was an area, for me at least, where it didn’t seem to matter. I didn’t know any punk rocker who thought, ‘I’m gonna make a living out of this.’ The ones that did quickly left. What I received from the counterculture was a gift; the permission to create freely. And my reaction was to take care of this gift and keep it alive because it continues to give.

On straight edge:

The structure of society is an oppressive concept. I don’t see self-destruction as a valid form of rebellion. If anything it’s an assistance; you’re a thorn in their side, so help them by taking yourself out. Today, they’re imbibing technology, a new kind of drug, and losing themselves. I never got involved with drugs because I saw the fallout from the ’60s. As a Hendrix fan, I’d talk to people who’d seen him play and they couldn’t remember it because they were high. It doesn’t make sense to me that you wouldn’t want to remember your life. This concept of partying, it’s like you’re sweeping up after yourself constantly. You’re just sweeping away your memories. I like to be present, and keep it with me. Some people think of straight edge as a tee-totaling sobriety movement, but in my mind it was just about self definition. I found it unimpeachably positive.

On finding your tribe:

But most people go through life as tourists. They’re checking out the sights and eventually they’ll go home. I’m always looking for the long-distance runners. The people who recognise that protest is a form of exercise and that life is there if you want it. You just have to be open, communicative and interested. That’s who I recognise as my tribe.

On anti-narratives:

The reason we like endings is that they’re manageable. Think about the effect of the electronic medium on the way we think. Radio, television, movies, computers. At some point things became serialised as stories. But when you live in a society where you’re constantly being shown stories, our brains become reformatted to create narratives in our own lives. It’s misleading because life does not have a narrative arc. The world does not have a narrative arc. Or if it does, it’s bigger than anything we could ever fucking write about. I remember being in bands where someone would say, ‘Well, that’s the biggest thing I’ll ever do.’ Who thinks like that?! I don’t think of life as phases. I think of life as life.

On getting older:

I don’t believe in youth culture. By embracing it you also embrace the expiration date. Not that I’m always young, fuck that! I’m alive! I’m living! When people say, ‘Urgh, I feel so old,’ I’m like, ‘What the fuck man! You’re not old, you just are.’ If you’re cold you can put a coat on. If you’re wet you can dry off. But if you’re old you can’t do anything. Let me ask you: what role have you played in terms of becoming thirty-one?

Interviewer: Um? Zero active participation.

Exactly! All you did was wake up! That’s it. We wake up! There’s this notion in American culture that children are not real. It’s pointed out by the statement, ‘Well, at some point you’re gonna have to get real.’ But people are real from the moment they’re born. They’re real and they’re valid. When a fifteen-year-old kid has an idea, it’s not an unreal idea. But if you’re told over and over again that you have to ‘get real’, it creates this mentality that it doesn’t matter what they do. Because once they become real they will be absolved of everything, so they take no responsibility. This experiential thing? It’s a little touristic. Like, ‘I gotta taste it all!’ I know people who fucked one person I know people who fucked 100 people. Their experience may seem different, but outside pressures leave both people wondering if they made a mistake. I wish people wouldn’t spend their lives thinking about what they could’ve or should’ve done. I wish they would live their lives thinking about what they should be doing now.

On insecurities:

I tend to think of insecurities as reminders to go do something. As a teenager I was extremely self-conscious of my body. But at some point I realised there’s nothing constructive about agonising over it. So I filed that away, like, I can’t change this, so just do something – get to work. As a young child, I couldn’t grasp the idea of death. It was so unbearable for me, I freaked the fuck out. But then at some point I realised I would never get an answer from a single person on earth. So I figured – just live. I think the most constructive way to approach a lot of this stuff is to make peace with incomprehensibility. I accept the things that I cannot comprehend, that I will never comprehend, and I have peace with that. If I feel an insecurity, I practise more. I write a song. Just do something.

On perspective:

I have this concept about changing the source of light. The way things appear has a lot to do with where the light is. Sometimes things seem impenetrable, but maybe we just need to change the source of light. For instance, if you felt paralysed by your work – you’re miserable but you’re scared to leave your situation, because you think you’d become irrelevant – then I would say: stand back. Change the source of light. Look at the situation and realise that, though it is important to you – and I will say this to myself – though it is important to you, your work is ridiculous. And your fears are unfounded. You said, ‘People are inspired by you,’ but however one rates my ‘celebritydom’ or fame or whatever the fuck I have, it’s worth pointing out that 99.9 per cent of the population of the world never has, doesn’t and never will know of me. I don’t exist. There are entire giant cities in Indonesia where not a single person has ever heard of me. The music I make does not matter. And if it’s causing me duress, I should realise it’s ridiculous and that my fears are unfounded. Because what’s the worse thing that could happen. Like, what would be the worst thing that could happen to you?

Interviewer: That I miss my deadline. I have anxiety every week before we go to print – which is now. One voice in my head says, ‘You’re gonna miss it! You’re a failure!’ The other voice is like, ‘It’s a magazine, get a grip.’

Exactly, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Life is just a straight line. There are two definitive points, one at the beginning and one at the end. It could be argued that should you decide to procreate that may merit another point. Everything else is affection – accoutrements, add-ons, additives. The way we speak, the things we own, the way we identify ourselves, they’re all artifices on some level… While we’ve been talking maybe 100 people have been killed, maybe 1,000, who knows, and yet this development hasn’t affected our conversation whatsoever. If you put things in perspective one realises how it just doesn’t matter. So the value is up to us, and if we’re gonna assign the value, then why would we assign negative values?

Interviewer: I would say you’re in the minority – the enlightened minority – for being liberated by feeling like a speck of dust in the universe. And the rest of society is veering more towards this idea of, ‘I gotta make it!’ Why is the ratio skewed?

Well, I think that your definition of society is a little off base. People working in the fields of Vietnam, or whatever, I don’t think they’re thinking, ‘I gotta make it!’ I think they’re just doing their work. You’re in London. You work in a field that is obsessed with digital. I think probably the pure irrelevance of that medium, when you get down to it, is the reason people are so hellbent on wanting it to matter. It’s almost an inverse. It’s like they’re making cotton candy, yet they’re obsessed with nutrition. ‘It has to have nutrients in it!’ they say, because they know it’s cotton candy. I’m not being dismissive. People freak out when they’re thirty, they freak out when they’re forty, mostly I think people just like to freak out. I guess it’s convention. Convention gives people a sense of comprehension. And people are not at peace with incomprehension. I read an article about a space craft that was tasked with taking photos, I think Carl Sagan was involved. NASA said we’ll only operate this camera until we’re at the edge of the universe. After years and years, when it slipped past the edge of the universe and NASA said let’s cut it off, Sagan lobbied to take one more picture – and it was of the earth. Can you imagine what Earth looked like from outside the universe?

Interviewer: Like a star?

It’s not even a star. It was a tiny little dot. And Sagan pointed to this little dot in this vast sea of stars, more than you can imagine, or ever count, and he said, ‘Every idea that any human has ever thought, every fight, every war, everything that has ever occurred, happened there.’ How insignificant, that people would die over property when it doesn’t even rate as a speck in the universe? I appreciate that idea. Because insignificance is liberating. If you stop thinking this is my land, then you’re free. If it’s your land – my property, my concept, my scene, my society – you have to defend it. You’re hamstrung by it.

On life:

But at some point in my life I decided that the basis of all my reasoning is this: pain hurts. That’s true for you and it’s true for me; I don’t wanna hurt other people because I don’t wanna be hurt. Keep things simple and they suddenly seem doable. I read this book in my early twenties – by C.S. Lewis, I think. There was this image of life as a tree and each decision we made was a branch. And then every decision we made, once we were on that branch, were smaller branches and smaller branches until you got down to the twigs. The author explained that if you are on the wrong branch, if you made a bad decision, you have to go back to the trunk – because once you’re on that branch, every decision will be wrong. That was such a great thing for me. I was just navigating, I made a mistake, so I have to go back to the trunk. Because back at the trunk, life – simple life – is always right.

#ian mackaye #fugazi #minor threat #the evens #philosophy #note to self

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allumetterouge · 7 years

Text

@glaciya made me do it :D

Thank you <33

The rules dictate to tag 25 people.... @gyromagnetism, @minchen0897, @careamorran, @kiragecko, @beta-lactamase, @lexiconallie, @kyoro-chan, @generatorcat, @hearyoucantalktofish, @sofiama, @phantomchick, @bunny-loverxiv, @tanekore, @cerusee, @the-jasontodd-cult, @doublerainbowlover

- you don’t have to do it if you don’t feel like it or did that game already, of course ;)

LAST… [1] drink: Chocolate milk. I’ve just gotten home from work. Fight me. [2] phone call: Talking to one of my kids’ mothers [3] text message: to a co-worker about work-stuff [4] song you listened to: Foo Fighters’ ‘Long Way to Ruin’ [5] time you cried: last Wednesday because of an argument

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: nah [7] been cheated on: not in a relationship. but there was this little kid who didn’t like his food and I told him to eat half. Next time I looked, half of the food was gone and I allowed him to go brush his teeth. I later found the half I had thought he’d eaten on the floor under the table... :’D [8] kissed someone and regretted it: ooooh, don’t call me out like that, but yes. [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: *shrugs* [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nah. give me a can of coke and rum and I already get tipsy, but I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk. when I’m in pain, I’m a throwing-up champion, though!

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] that ugly brown-green-ish you get when you and your kids just mix every colour on the table [13] that strange off-red you get when you try to mix brown from your available fingerpaints [14] that white when you decide to draw the Easter bunny as an albino rabbit because you remember how things turned out the last time you tried to mix brown

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: I guess - do co-workers and acquaintances from the internet count? Yes? Then yes. Still don’t have many people to hang out with. Y’all need to move closer [16] fallen out of love: maybe with the image I had of my family [17] laughed until you cried: yessss. just last Monday during our team meeting :D [18] found out someone was talking about you?: hmm, not in the gossip kinda way. people talk about me because of all of us working with the same child/group all the time, so I guess it’s natural for people to talk about me? But personal-wise there’s not much to talk about [19] met someone who changed you: nah. I’ve known Sonja for more than a year and I’m in therapy longer, too. work and my kids changed me, so maybe they count? Some of them I’ve only met recently [20] found out who your true friends are: I wouldn’t say that, no [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: I don’t have facebook, sooo

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: none of them :D [23] do you have any pets: I still only have plants. But it’s sixteen plants now, I think. [24] do you want to change your name: Yeah, no [25] what did you do for your last birthday: My sister and dad came to visit shortly, but other than that it was a normal workday [26] what time did you wake up: today? Around 7:30AM [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: binge-watching Iron Fist in bed. I should’ve slept. The show isn’t really worth staying up for [28] name something you cannot wait for: having less jobs and still being able to pay rent [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: on Monday actually. She got me a printer for getting a passing grade on my bachelor’s thesis [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Society, probably. But since that’s completely impossible, something about myself... maybe having SOME self-worth would be nice [31] what are you listening to right now: each an every keystroke in this sentence [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: Actually... no [34] most visited website: tumblr. I’m not doing that much online... [35] elementary: was fun [37] college: Urgh [38] hair colour: right now dyed cherry-red/purple-ish [39] long or short hair: I guess it counts as ‘long’ now, as it goes past my shoulder blades [40] do you have a crush on someone: no, but there are people I’d like to crush, period [41] what do you like about yourself? [42] piercings: only earrings, though I had wanted to get more [43] blood type: I don’t know? I think you have to pay for that knowledge now.. I know my dad’s bloodtype since he needed to know when he was enlisted [44] nickname: At work I’m often called Meiki and I’m fine with that [45] relationship status: it’s complicated :D [46] zodiac sign: Scorpio [47] pronouns: she/her, they/them [48] fav tv show: uuuuh, usually the last one I’ve watched which ... isn’t Iron Fist right now. Generator Rex was great, but for this question I should probably go with Leverage again. Leverage is wonderful and an all-time favourite [49] tattoos: none and I can’t see myself having any, though I kinda like them on other people [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: I think the stuff before my wisdom teeth wasn’t surgery, sooo [52] piercing: just my ears when I was a little bean bag [53] best friend: [54] sport: Work doesn’t count, does it? I’m child-weight-lifting regularly, though [55] vacation: Don’t ask me, I don’t even remember high school [56] pair of trainers: as in... shoes?! What kind of question is this?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: my chocolate milk is gone by now... [59] i’m about to: think about what to make for dinner [60] listening to: still just my typing [61] waiting for: dinner time, for now [62] want: to be done with uni, get work I feel comfortable with a lot, get better in general [63] get married: maybe for tax reasons [64] career: Yeah, maybe once I find something I’m good at

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: Hugs. I didn’t make such good experience with kissing but hugs are great [66] lips or eyes: ... depends on what I’d need them for? [67] shorter or taller: are we talking about my ‘type’? Because I’m ace :D [68] older or younger: my dream partner is 90-40-90 [70] nice arms or nice stomach: Both? Both sounds good? Idk?! [71] sensitive or loud: my kids are loud. who would want a loud partner? are we still talking about relationship stuff? [72] hook up or relationship: hook me up with a lifetime supply of Red Bull [73] troublemaker or hesitant: I’m giving up. this is so strange and I don’t get the questions :’D

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? I don’t like the taste of alcohol, though I do drink some rum with coke once in a while [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? never, actually. my glasses are either on my nose or on the shelf beside my bed [77] turned someone down: jup, a few times, but hardly any of them was serious [78] sex on first date? Iiiiiii don’t think so [79] broken someone’s heart? Probably. [80] had your own heart broken? not by a relationship break-up, no [81] been arrested? No [82] cried when someone died? yeah [83] fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? too little [85] miracles? I call them magic because it’s more fun like that :D But not really, no [86] love at first sight? crushing and being attracted to someone, yes, but not love [87] santa claus? Oh come ON. Someone HAS TO believe in him [88] kiss on the first date? why not [89] angels? nah. though they’re kinda fun

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: [91] eye colour: brown [92] favourite movie: right now, Moana

#/personal

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thegeminisage · 7 years

Text

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

#this was hands down the best part of this game for me so far #like it's all been fantastic but this section hit me the hardest in the feels #personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers #so many big giant spoilers #huge ones!!!!

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shetalknerdtalk-blog · 7 years

Text

The Women’s March: One Week Later

Well, a week has passed since the show-stopping, global phenomenon that was the Women’s March and I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about it. Though I couldn’t physically participate, I watched the event unfold with a sort of awe-struck fascination. More than 500,000 people gathered in D.C. alone. 250,000 in Chicago, the closest march to me, where the projected turnout had been a comparatively meager 50,000. The weather lent itself nicely to the cause. The sun was out, giving a springtime-quality warmth to what should have been a frostbitten January day. As I drove to work, listening to these attendance numbers on the radio, something stirred in my chest. With the window rolled down, I imagined I could hear the battle cry of millions of women and allies being carried on the wind. I was so god damn proud of my gender that day. I was so proud of my country that day. Especially considering that it was preceded by one of the more foreboding events in recent American history: the inauguration of a certain Cheeto-faced, megalomaniac whose administration, in the first week no less, has all the hallmarks of a fascist regime. Truly, it’s a very scary time for America, fraught with trepidation and uncertainty. So the power of the Women’s March cannot be overstated. The sense of unity in the face of such fear is precisely the response our country, and the world, needed after such upheaval.

Admittedly, I was among those who celebrated when news broke that, as far as we know, among the millions who marched that day not a single person was arrested. Furthermore, I was annoyed by those who criticized the lack of confrontation. My attitude was one of, “Urgh—come on. Can’t we have just one victory? Must we find fault in every little thing?” Mistakenly, naively, I believed women had set the example for all protests: Peaceful, but effective; non-violent, but loud.

To put myself in some sort of context, here’s a little history: I am as white as white can be. I grew up enmeshed in the white, utopic suburbia of American Dreamers. And my parents were, and still are, staunchly Republican. So, I grew up with certain, toxic ideologies that I have had to work hard to unlearn. I’m not complaining, nor do I expect a pat on the head for learning how not to be an asshole. Everyone grows up internalizing harmful ideas and isms and it’s our responsibility to unpack them, to analyze them, and finally to deconstruct them. Breaking down my own will be a life-long endeavor and I eagerly welcome that journey.

In this case, however, my preconceptions blinded me to the problematic way in which the Women’s March has been reported: that the lack of arrests is attributable to the gentle, peace-loving nature of women. This view fit nicely with the conservative narrative I grew up with that women should be mild-mannered and keep their noses clean, which is probably why I was so keen to believe it. But it also clashed spectacularly with the immortalized words of Laurel Thatcher Ulrich: “well-behaved women seldom make history.” Once I realized this, I also realized that reveling in the lack of arrests was the media’s way of reporting that the only newsworthy thing about the March was that there was actually nothing newsworthy about it

Indeed, all this “good behavior” talk got a lot of people positing that “this is why women should be running things!” But while it’s true that women are radically less violent than men-- when it comes to protests, violence really has nothing to do with it. History has proven that ad nauseam. Rather, it has much more to do with the perceived value of those protesting. In this case, the value of white women

It is impossible to exaggerate the value placed on white women in American society throughout history. They are the coveted gem in the crown of patriarchy: manufacturers which beget both white baby boys and yet more white-baby-boy-manufacturers. A renewable resource. Their station as commodities has been so pervasive in our culture that it has shaped reproductive policies and dictated institutions like marriage, education, and the workplace for generations but each of those are separate topics entirely. The point is, despite their position beneath white men on the socioeconomic totem pole, white women have been exalted as the very embodiment of the purity white supremacists claim to wish to preserve. This notion of purity is very important too, since it has led white women to be perceived as childlike, virginal, innocent, and demure. That is part of the Feminine Ideal. Comparatively, women of color– particularly black women– are antithetical to this, often stereotyped as being untrustworthy, unruly, and hypersexual.

That white women are inherently harmless, and women of color inherently culpable might explain why legions of white women can protest in cities like Chicago and experience no problem, while Black Lives Matter rallies can’t seem to catch a break from police violence. Although the Marches themselves, as events, were impressively intersectional. The speakers for the Chicago March included Aislinn Pulley: Lead Organizer for Black Lives Matter Chicago, Eman Hassaballa Aly: Mulsim community activist, Channyn Lynne Parker: a transgender activist, and many, many more representing those whose voices are often silenced. Still, however, media would have us believe that these events were meant for a very specific niche of women, if the images of white, cis women trumpeting their posters boasting “vagina=female” themed taglines weren’t indication enough.

There was a series of tweets by Hokte which described a group of indigenous women being harassed and ostracized by white women during the march which truly stoked my rage. The whole set of tweets can be read here. That these women were erased and dehumanized at an event meant to empower and legitimatize is a text-book example of “White Feminism” in action and brings into sharp relief the need for intersectionality. Feminism should, by definition, be intersectional. Anything less is just a repackaging of white supremacy.

On the flip side to all of that, however, the lack of arrests the day of the March can be viewed as an example of how powerful the white ally can be. Among the droves of white people, and despite Hokte’s experiences, many POCs and non-binary folks found a place to protest in which they were buffeted against the violence they may have otherwise faced from authorities. Just imagine what would happen if white people in such staggering numbers allied with the Black Lives Matter movement, or protested DAPL at Standing Rock alongside the Sioux, or stood up for transgender rights. Would those movements gain more traction? Could tangible change be made on those fronts? Absolutely, I think. There’s only one way to find out.

Source (X)

#feminism #womensmarch #intersectional feminism #social justice #white feminism

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readbookywooks · 7 years

Text

He remembered something about being able to tell where you were by looking at which side of a tree the moss grew on. These trees had moss everywhere, and wooden warts, and scrabbly old branches; if trees were people, these trees would be sitting in rocking chairs. Rincewind gave the nearest one a kick. With unerring aim it dropped an acorn on him. He said 'Ow.' The tree, in a voice like a very old door swinging open, said, 'Serves you right.' There was a long silence. Then Rincewind said, 'Did you say that?' 'Yes.' 'And that too?' 'Yes.' 'Oh.' He thought for a bit. Then he tried, 'I suppose you wouldn't happen to know the way out of the forest, possibly, by any chance?' 'No. I don't get about much,' said the tree. 'Fairly boring life, I imagine,' said Rincewind. 'I wouldn't know. I've never been anything else,' said the tree. Rincewind looked at it closely. It seemed pretty much like every other tree he'd seen. 'Are you magical?' he said. 'No-one's ever said,' said the tree, 'I suppose so.' Rincewind thought: I can't be talking to a tree. If I was talking to a tree I'd be mad, and I'm not mad, so trees can't talk. 'Goodbye,' he said firmly. 'Hey, don't go,' the tree began, and then realised the hopelessness of it all. It watched him stagger off through the bushes, and settled down to feeling the sun on its leaves, the slurp and gurgle of the water in its roots, and the very ebb and flow of its sap in response to the natural tug of the sun and moon. Boring, it thought. What a trange thing to say. Trees can be bored, of course, beetles do it all the time, but I don't think that was what he was trying to mean. And: can you actually be anything else? In fact Rincewind never spoke to this particular tree again, but from that brief conversation it spun the basis of the first tree religion which, in time, swept the forests of the world. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree, and led a clean, decent and upstanding life, could be assured of a future life after death. If it was very good indeed it would eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of lavatory paper. A few miles away Twoflower was also getting over his surprise at finding himself back on the Disc. He was sitting on the hull of the Potent Voyager as it gurgled gradually under the dark waters of a large lake, surrounded by trees. Strangely enough, he was not particularly worried. Twoflower was a tourist, the first of the species to evolve on the Disc, and fundamental to his very existence was the rock-hard belief that nothing bad could really happen to him because he was not involved; he also believed that anyone could understand anything he said provided he spoke loudly and slowly, that people were basically trustworthy, and that anything could be sorted out among men of goodwill if they just acted sensibly. On the face of it this gave him a survival value marginally less than, say, a soap herring, but to Rincewind's amazement it all seemed to work and the little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away. Merely being faced with drowning stood no chance. Twoflower was quite certain that in a well-organised society people would not be allowed to go around getting drowned. He was a little bothered, though, about where his Luggage had got to. But he comforted himself with the nowledge that it was made of sapient pearwood, and ought to be intelligent enough to look after itself . . . In yet another part of the forest a young shaman was undergoing a very essential part of his training. He had eaten of the sacred toadstool, he had smoked the holy rhizome, he had carefully powdered up and inserted into various orifices the mystic mushroom and now, sitting crosslegged under a pine tree, he was concentrating firstly on making contact with the strange and wonderful secrets at the heart of Being but mainly on stopping the top of his head from unscrewing and floating away. Blue four-side triangles pinwheeled across his vision. Occasionally he smiled knowingly at nothing very much and said things like 'Wow' and 'Urgh.' There was a movement in the air and what he later described as 'like, a sort of explosion only backwards, you know?', and suddenly where there had only been nothing there was a large, battered, wooden chest. It landed heavily on the leafmould, extended dozens of little legs, and turned around ponderously to look at the shaman. That is to say, it had no face, but even through the mycological haze he was horribly aware that it was looking at him. And not a nice look, either. It was amazing how baleful a keyhole and a couple of knotholes could be. To his intense relief it gave a sort of wooden shrug, and set off through the trees at a canter. With superhuman effort the shaman recalled the correct sequence of movements for standing up and even managed a couple of steps before he looked down and gave up, having run out of legs. Rincewind, meanwhile, had found a path. It wound about a good deal, and he would have been happier if it had been cobbled, but following it gave him something to do. Several trees tried to strike up a conversation, but Rincewind was nearly certain that this was not normal behaviour for trees and ignored them. The day lengthened. There was no sound but the murmur of nasty little stinging insects, the occasional crack of a falling branch, and the whispering of the trees discussing religion and the trouble with squirrels. Rincewind began to feel very lonely. He imagined himself living in the woods forever, sleeping on leaves and eating . . . and eating . . . whatever there was to eat in woods. Trees, he supposed, and nuts and berries. He would have to . . . 'Rincewind!' There, coming up the path, was Twoflower – dripping wet, but beaming with delight. The Luggage trotted along behind him (anything made of the wood would follow its owner anywhere and it was often used to make luggage for the grave goods of very rich dead kings who wanted to be sure of starting a new life in the next world with clean underwear). Rincewind sighed. Up to now, he'd thought the day couldn't possibly get worse. It began to rain a particularly wet and cold rain. Rincewind and Twoflower sat under a tree and watched it. 'Rincewind?' 'Um?' 'Why are we here?' 'Well, some say that the Creator of the Universe made the Disc and everything on it, others say that its all a very complicated story involving the testicles of the Sky God and the milk of the Celestial Cow, and some even hold that we're all just due to the total random accretion of probability particles. But if you mean why are we here as opposed to falling off the Disc, I haven't the faintest idea. It's probably all some ghastly mistake.' 'Oh. Do you think there's anything to eat in this forest?' 'Yes,' said the wizard bitterly, us.' 'I've got some acorns, if you like,' said the tree helpfully. They sat in damp silence for some moments. 'Rincewind, the tree said—' 'Trees can't talk,' snapped Rincewind. 'It's very important to remember that.' 'But you just heard—' Rincewind sighed. Took,' he said. It's all down to simple biology, isn't it? If you're going to talk you need the right equipment, like lungs and lips and, and—' 'Vocal chords,' said the tree. 'Yeah, them,' said Rincewind. He shut up and stared gloomily at the rain. 'I thought wizards knew all about trees and wild food and things,' said Twoflower reproachfully. It was very seldom that anything in his voice suggested that he thought of Rincewind as anything other than a magnificent enchanter, and the wizard was stung into action. 'I do, I do,' he snapped. 'Well, what kind of tree is this?' said the tourist. Rincewind looked up. 'Beech,' he said firmly. 'Actually—' began the tree, and shut up quickly. It had caught Rincewind's look. 'Those things up there look like acorns,' said Twoflower. 'Yes, well, this is the sessile or heptocarpic variety,' said Rincewind. The nuts look very much like acorns, in fact. They can fool practically anybody.' 'Gosh,' said Twoflower, and, What's that bush over there, then?' 'Mistletoe.' 'But it's got thorns and red berries!' 'Well?' said Rincewind sternly, and stared hard at him. Twoflower broke first. 'Nothing,' he said meekly. 'I must have been misinformed.' 'Right.' 'But there's some big mushrooms under it. Can you eat them?' Rincewind looked at them cautiously. They were, indeed, very big, and had red and white spotted caps. They were in fact a variety that the local shaman (who at this point was some miles away, making friends with a rock) would only eat after first attaching one leg to a large stone with a rope. There was nothing for it but to go out in the rain and look at them. He knelt down in the leafmould and peered under the cap. After a while he said weakly, 'No, no good to eat at all.' 'Why?' called Twoflower. 'Are the gills the wrong shade of yellow?' 'No, not really . . .' 'I expect the stems haven't got the right kind of fluting, then.' 'They look okay, actually.' 'The cap, then, I expect the cap is the wrong colour,' said Twoflower. 'Not sure about that.' 'Well then, why can't you eat them?' Rincewind coughed. It's the little doors and windows,' he said wretchedly, 'it's a dead giveaway.' Thunder rolled across Unseen University. Rain poured over its roofs and gurgled out of its gargoyles, although one or two of the more cunning ones had scuttled off to shelter among the maze of tiles. Far below, in the Great Hall, the eight most powerful wizards on the Discworld gathered at the angles of a ceremonial octogram. Actually they probably weren't the most powerful, if the truth were known, but they certainly had great powers of survival which, in the highly competitive world of magic, was pretty much the same thing. Behind every wizard of the eighth rank were half a dozen eventh rank wizards trying to bump him off, and senior wizards had to develop an inquiring attitude to, for example, scorpions in their bed. An ancient proverb summed it up: when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life. The oldest wizard, Greyhald Spold of the Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle, leaned heavily on his carven staff and spake thusly: 'Get on with it, Weatherwax, my feet are giving me gyp.' Galder, who had merely paused for effect, glared at him. 'Very well, then, I will be brief —' 'Jolly good.' We all sought guidance as to the events of this morning. Can anyone among us say he received it?' The wizards looked sidelong at one another. Nowhere outside a trades union conference fraternal benefit night can so much mutual distrust and suspicion be found as among a gathering of senior enchanters. But the plain fact was that the day had gone very badly. Normally informative demons, summoned abruptly from the Dungeon Dimensions, had looked sheepish and sidled away when questioned. Magic mirrors had cracked. Tarot cards had mysteriously become blank. Crystal balls had gone all cloudy. Even tealeaves, normally scorned by wizards as frivolous and unworthy of contemplation, had clustered together at the bottom of cups and refused to move. In short, the assembled wizards were at a loss. There was a general murmur of agreement. 'And therefore I propose that we perform the Rite of AshkEnte,' said Galder dramatically. He had to admit that he had hoped for a better response, something on the lines of, well, 'No, not the Rite of AshkEnte! Man was not meant to meddle with such things!' In fact there was a general mutter of approval.

#LightFantastic

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