#why is he called gerry by the fandom? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crochetedblorbos · 9 months

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"Dying's not so bad. It's staying dead that sucks."

Character Name: Gerard “Gerry” Keay

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Voiced By: Jon Gracey

Yarn Used: Skin: CraftSmart Value - Off-White Shirt/Trousers/Shoes: Red Heart Super Saver - Black; heidi & jo iron-on applique Hair: CraftSmart Value - Curry; Tulip Colorshot Fabric Spray Paint - Black Face: Park Lane 10mm plastic eyes - hazel; Red Heart Super Saver - Black Tattoos: Red Heart Super Saver - Black

Basic pattern here.

Okay, so if I’m being honest here, this particular Gerry is 100% influenced by the version in “Awake and Unafraid” by blasphemous-lies-and-deceit, who is amazing and deserves all the love. (Not that I don’t want to hug canon!Gerry too, but holy hell.) I will also confess that I had to undo him at one point; I’d been working on him steadily for a while, and then set him aside in favor of NaNoWriMo, whereupon he promptly got swallowed up by the hellscape miasma that is my room. I finally unearthed him in a moment that can best be described as “I have discovered every single godsdamned thing I have been looking for in the last six MONTHS and also the Ark of the Covenant and Jimmy Hoffa, and yet I cannot find the one specific thing I am looking for and which I only purchased a week ago” and started working on him again. Unfortunately, I had no idea where I was in the pattern and what variants I had actually done, so I unraveled most of his torso and started over. This is why it has taken me almost a year between Hux and Gerry.

Oh, well. At least I can confidently tell you that I altered the “base” pattern as follows:

Shoes: Black combat boots, baby! Like with Mini and Hux, I kept the color the same, but otherwise the shoes are the same as before.

Trousers: I was trying to give him baggy black jeans, so I wanted them to come down over his shoes. Thus, when I got to the top of the boots, I did a round in the front loop only to give myself a little ridge, then did a round of treble crochet in the front loops of that before going back to sc for the rest of the trousers. (I think. I forgot to write this down as I was doing it and it’s been, as previously mentioned, around six months since then at time of writing.) I also wanted to give him some artistic rips in the knees, so I switched to the white I’m using for his skin and did front-loop in the black around it to give it a bit of texture and make it look like they are, in fact, torn across the knees. Deliberately or not, your call.

Shirt: I wanted Gerry to be wearing a kind of baggy, shapeless shirt, and also to be a bit taller and lankier in the torso, with a slightly longer neck. I also put him in all black because that’s how he’s always described, so I worked him the same way as Joseph (just without changing color) up until R36, and then: R37: Ch 2, hdc in each fpdc around, sl st in first hdc (38 hdc). R38-48: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (38 sc). R49: Ch 1, [sc in next 17 st, inv dec over next 2 st] twice, sl st in first sc (36 sc). R50: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (36 sc). R51: Ch 1, [sc in first 2 st, inv dec] 9 times around, sl st in first sc (27 sc). R52-53: Ch 1, sc around, sl st in first sc (27 sc). R54: Ch 1, [sc in first st, inv dec] 9 times around, sl st in first sc (18 sc). R55: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (18 sc). R56: Switch to skin color. Ch 1, sc in back loop of each st around, sl st in first sc (18 sc). R58-59: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (18sc). I also added an iron-on patch to give him a design on his shirt. (Fun fact, I bought three different patches and kept losing them before I could find my iron, which I had stupidly put away where it belonged.)

Head: I always picture Gerry as having a long, thin face and a slightly larger nose, so I followed the base pattern for his head up to what is R60 on the original pattern (but is R64 on this pattern due to previously-made changes), and then: R65-70: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (42 sc). R71: Ch 3, dc in next 26 st, puff st in next st, dc in next 15 st, sl st in first dc (41dc, 1 puff stitch). R72-77: Ch 1, sc in each st around, sl st in first sc (42 sc). Continue from R72 on original pattern. Unfortunately, I didn’t stuff him as much as I should have, so his neck is kinda floppy. I’m working on a solution to that.

I also used safety eyes for the first time here! And oh my God they saved so much time. I wasn’t sure they were going to work in the package, but once I got them in his face, I liked them a lot! I embroidered a little smirk for his mouth. Used yarn this time because I finally had a yarn needle to do it with and didn’t feel like digging for my embroidery floss by the time I got to his mouth, and I like it.

Hair: Yeah, I’m a ginger!Gerry convert, what of it. Anyway, because his hair is always described as “badly dyed”, I initially considered using a variegated yarn, but couldn’t find one that would do what I wanted it to do, I decided to badly dye it myself. I wrapped a hank of yarn around a piece of cardboard, tied it off, and cut it, then spread it out on said cardboard and sprayed it with black fabric spray paint I found in the clearance aisle at Joann Fabric. And, as if it knew why I was doing it, it just…wouldn’t…take. I must’ve sprayed, rearranged, sprayed again, let dry, untangled, discovered that I’d just done the surface, resprayed, moved, and sprayed again about twelve times before I thought I’d got it. I hadn’t. Finally, I gave up and sewed the mottled orange-and-black mess onto his head (which was a headache and a half, especially since I wanted him to have a side part), discovered that it was neither as long nor as thick as it had looked before I put it on his head, debated starting over, decided not to, took him back outside, and covered his face with a paper towel, then sprayed the hair again, this time while it was already on his head. That way a) it dyed the scalp as well, and b) I could hope it stuck. (It also occurred to me that I was doing this on the front porch, right on the EDGE of the porch, and that it was, if not raining, at least very humid, and I wondered if that was affecting it, so once I’d sprayed his head down, I brought him inside and let him cure that way.) The yarn still soaked up a lot of the dye, but at least it’s more or less evenly covered…and it does, in fact, give the effect of a bad dye job, so…success?

Arms: I did Gerry’s arms the same way I did Hux’s, except that I gave him short sleeves rather than long ones. I also made them a little bit longer than normal, partly because Gerry is a little bit taller and partly because I was an idiot and wasn’t counting properly.

Trenchcoat: I may have made this slightly more complicated than necessary, but I like how it came out, so: Ch 48. R1: Dc in third ch from hook, dc in each ch across, turn (46dc). R2-5: Ch 3, dc in each st across, turn (46dc). R6: Ch 3, dc in first 17 st, fpdc around next st, skip next st, inv dec, dc in next 4 st, inv dec. Skip next st, fpdc around next st, dc in same st, dc in next 17 st, turn (43dc, 2 fpdc). R7: Ch 3, dc in first 18 st, bpdc around fpdc from prev row, skip next st, inv dec in back loops, dc in next 2 st, inv dec in back loops. Skip next st, bpdc around fpdc, dc in st behind, dc in next 18 st, turn (41dc, 2bpdc). R8: Ch 3, dc in first 19 st, fpdc around bpdc from prev row, skip next st, inv dec twice. Skip next st, fpdc around fpdc from prev row, dc in same st, dc in next 19 st, turn (39dc, 2fpdc). R9: Ch 3, dc in first 19 st, bpdc around next 2 fpdc, dc in next 19 st, turn (38dc, 2fpdc). R10: Ch 3, dc in each st across, turn (40dc). R11: Ch 1, sc in eacn st across, turn (40sc). R12: Ch 1, sc in first st, ch 1, skip next st, sc in each st across, turn (39sc, 1ch). R13: Ch 3, dc in first 38 st, dc in ch sp, dc in next st, turn (40dc). R14: Ch 3, dc in each st across, turn (40dc). R15: Ch 1, sc in first 38 st, ch 1, skip next st, sc in next st, turn (39sc, 1ch). R16: Ch 3, dc in first st, dc in ch sp, dc in next 38 st, turn (40dc). R17: Ch 3, dc in each st across, turn (40dc). R18: Ch 1, sc in first st, ch 1, skip next st, sc in next 38 st, turn (39sc, 1ch). R19: Ch 3, dc in first 9 st, inv dec, dc in next 18 st, inv dec, dc in next 9 st, turn (38dc). R20: Ch 3, dc in first 9 st, inv dec, dc in next 16 st, inv dec, dc in next 9 st, turn (36dc). R21: Ch 3, [dc in first 8 st, inv dec] three times, dc in next 3 st, turn (33dc). R22: Ch 3, dc in first 6 st, [YO x4, insert hook into next st, pull up loop, YO and pull through 2 loops x6]*, ch 6, skip next 3 st, repeat *, dc in next 11 st, repeat *, ch 6, skip next 3 st, repeat *, dc in next 6 st, turn (23dc, 4 extended stitches, 12ch). R23: Ch 2, hdc in first 7 st, sc in ch sp 6 times, hdc in next 13 st, sc in ch sp 6 times, hdc in next 7 st, turn (27hdc, 12sc). R24: Ch 2, hdc in first 7 st, inv dec in back loops 3 times, hdc in next 13 st, inv dec in back loops only 3 times, hdc in next 7 st, turn (33hdc). R25: Ch 1, sc in first st, hdc in next st, dc in next st, tc in next st, dtc in next st, [YO x4, insert hook into next st, pull up loop, YO and pull through 2 loops x6]*, ch 4, inv dec in hdc 10 times, hdc in next st, ch 4, repeat *, dtc in next st, tc in next st, dc in next st, hdc in next st, sc in next st, turn (13hdc, 2sc, 2dc, 2tc, 2dtc, 2 extended stitches). R26: Sl st in first sc, sc in next 5 st, sc around chain and into edge of extended stitch 4 times, sc in next 11 st, sc around chain and into edge of extended stitch 4 times, sc in next five st, sl st. Fasten off. Sleeves: Join yarn to st in armhole. For row 1, ch 1, sc in first st (mark starting st), sc in next 19 st around, join (20sc). For rows 2-10, ch 3, dc in each st around, join (20dc). Add buttons to sc rows of front opposite ch sp if desired. (I do so desire, I just haven’t done it yet.

Tattoos: Gerry’s tattoos are embroidered on in backstitch. I only did three (one on each hand and one on the back of his neck), because I was doing it in yarn and it was way too thick for anything tinier, but what the hey, he doesn’t technically have “joints”. (The ones on his knees don’t show because the holes are sagging below the joints. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

#blorbo from my shows #crocheting #the magnus archives #tma #gerard keay #scopophobia tw

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racefortheironthrone · 1 year

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I know this is going to be a big ask, but after Watching across the spiderverse and seeing Ben Reily, what exactly happened in the clone sage and why is he still around in the comics? Also who is Kaine?

If I couldn't understand the Clone Saga when I read it in the 90s as a kid, what makes you think I'm going to understand it thirty years later?

In broad strokes, my understanding is this: back in the day, Gerry Conway decided that his last Spider-Man story would end with a bang. So after killiing off Gwen Stacy, Conway brought her back, only to reveal that she was a clone created by the new villain the Jackal. The Jackal then revealed as his master plan he'd created a clone of Spider-Man (complete with all the memories of the original!) to kill the original Spider-Man because he blamed Spider-Man for the death of Gwen Stacy. The story concludes in a somewhat Twilight Zone fashion, with the Jackal and one of the Spiders-Men dead - but which one died?

Flash-forward to 1994 and the Spider-Office had fallen prey to one of their periodic fits in which they decide that Spider-Man needs to "get back to basics" by erasing his character growth. (I use the plural here, because the writing team on this one included Terry Kavanaugh, Joey Cavalieri, Todd Dezago, J. M. Dematteis, and Tom Defalco, so it's hard to assign individual responsibility/blame here.) So they retcon that the clone hadn't died, he was the new, more extreme Scarlet Spider (aka Ben Reilly)! Then they create another, even more extreme, anti-villain called Kaine who turns out to be Jackal's prototype clone. And on and on.

A whole bunch of action-figure-bashing ensues, and in the process there's a whole bunch of status quo alterations: it's revealed that the Peter Parker fans had been following for nearly thirty years was actually the clone and Ben Reilly was the real Spider-Man! It's revealed that Mary Jane is pregnant! Aunt May and Doc Ock die! Kaine becomes a good guy, because for some reason Marvel were trying to put him over.

If this sounds rather contrived, that's because it was. The whole thing was a pretty naked attempt to write Peter Parker out of the story by having him hand over the mantle to Ben Reilly, and give him a kid so he has a reason to retire. And thus, once again Spider-Man would be a swinging bachelor just like he was in the 70s when the writers were all kids, but with added Nineties marketability.

The fans fucking hated it. Terrified by a tidal wave of hate, the writers then completely undid everything - up to and including Mary Jane's pregnancy - and the whole thing turned out to be a ridiculously circuitous mind-fuck conspiracy masterminded by the Green Goblin. Which was also derided as a pretty naked Author Saving Throw, but at least the fans had the status quo they preferred.

Anyway, that's my understanding. Ben Reilly is still around because he developed a niche fandom of people into sleeveless hoodies and 90s angst - they're all mad now because he became a villain. As for Kaine...DWAI.

#marvel #marvel meta #spiderman #spider man #clone saga

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a-mag-a-day · 1 year

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MY BOY! 🖤🖤🖤

Man, I love the casting and performance here. My first listen was like "You're new." YES GOOD THAT IS HIM CORRECT

IN-FO-DUMP! IN-FO-DUMP! 🎉 I have a theory that, since Gerry spent his entire childhood having Terrible Knowledge forced upon him, if he had fully committed to the Eye as an avatar, his angle would have been forcing unwanted or life-changing knowledge upon others. I think that's why in other people's statements he's so cryptic, because he's deliberately trying to avoid telling people more than they want/need to know and dragging them (further) into his world... but it's also why he really seems to enjoy giving Jon the whole low-down, as long as he's doing it on his own terms. The relish with which he describes the Corruption and the Flesh...

Him: Gerard was what my mum called me. I always wanted my friends to call me Gerry. Jon, the entire fandom, and the transcript: GERRY IT IS 😭

It is really interesting going back and listening to the statement where Gerry shows up and he seems to go out of his way to not explain anything, or explain in as little detail as possible.

It’s feeling sad about Gerry hours today.

#a mag a day #tma #the magnus archives #episode asks #mag 111 #shinyhappygoth #mod elian

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gregoftom · 9 months

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Thinking about things being implied in subtext via camera zoom, it was definitely intentional. I've just watched a reaction of s3ep2 when Logan sent those donuts after the sibs got together in Ken's (well Rava's) place. When they talked about the donuts in the car, the camera zoomed in on Tom. Implying he was the one who spilled the secret to Logan. Which makes sense considering the timing (Gerri did threaten Roman but it was immediately after the phone calls that they got the donuts, so), but the zoom in made me convinced. I didn't notice it on my first watch but dissecting succession on rewatch (un)surprisingly makes you discover so many new angles

So, anyways, those shots of Bridget in the background while Tom and Logan were talking about his divorce with Shiv and Shiv turning away after Greg came in after Tom in the wake, that even on my first watch immediately made me go hmmm 🧐, were definitely there for a reason.

See, I know many people say that s4 lack subtlety/subtext. But I feel like mayhaps it just went undiscovered or people are unwilling to take that leap of faith. Especially regarding tomgreg. Like they're just okay with accepting what people around the characters are saying about the disgusting brothers scheme and Greg's being a playboy at face value. Even though we then found out it had not even been happening yet. In fact, Greg actually implied it hadn't happened when he talked about Bridget to Tom in ep 1 using the word "finally", but it's literally just a handjob initiated by Bridget who was high where he wasn't even able to finish.

Like, there're so many things being implied there even with that one scene. (What was Greg doing on those many dates then? Dinner and kissing? And then dump them after? What did he get out of that? Except the reputation. What did the reputation of being a playboy give him despite not actually being a playboy or enjoying it? Safety in an environment where toxic masculinity is highly regarded, and something to bond with Tom) But the implications go in the direction of things that make those people uncomfortable (Greg being gay doing comphet/being into Tom) so they just call people who saw it, who applied their logic like what succession has always demanded from the audience in the previous seasons, delusional. As if we are taking a joke too seriously and going too far.

And I feel like seeing how the fandom works, the zoom in shot of Tom in the donut scene in the car (or other shots like that who are more in line with the Logan/company takeover plan, or the Roy siblings' struggle) would be seen as more worthy of discussion and taken seriously in the general fandom than the Bridget zoom shot or the Shiv at the wake zoom shot or Greg acting comphet, like I just know if these get brought up there they'd just dismiss it as tomgreg being desperate and not the camera director/writers literally guiding the audience's eyes and trying to make us think

Sorry for the rant it's so frustrating how much the general fandom vibe is like "you're seeing things that weren't there" now even though they probably joined and laughed at those 'tomgreg is probably into each other' jokes in the past

OOGH that’s super interesting omg. and yeah when it comes to tomgreg especially, any kind of examination of scenes or talking about shots or possibilities of why certain directions were taken are automatically dismissed as reading too much into it or misogynistic or a reach or not focusing on the “correct” part of the media, which is super sad bc then you miss out on things like thiiis! which you are saying!

when it comes to s4, i have a lot of beef with it but it definitely does have its merits and cinematography is absolutely one of them.

#tomgreg

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p-redux · 2 years

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I might have the years mixed up but the story is true. My bro is 9 years older than me. I can tell you that it is true he admitted it all to me at Passover. My brother spent a long night comforting an entire hen party after Sam went home with someone else. The Legendary Limb is what they called him. Ask your sources. It was well known. My bro ran into him in NYC before Covid and Sam remembered him and bought him and my cousin a round. Very lovely guy.

Your brother talked to you about Sam's big dirk during Passover? You know you're going to hell, Anon. 😈 JK 😜

Let's play a game. Two truths and a lie. Two truths: 1. Rumor IS that Sam does have a big 🍆. 2. And it has been confirmed over and over by anyone that knows Sam that he IS a "very lovely guy." One lie: the rest of your story.

Sorry, Anon, but you're just making up shit...and should actually turn to writing fanficfion. There's a big audience for it in the Outlander fandom.

How do I know you're lying?

1. Sam lived in LONDON for years after he left Scotland. He didn't go back to Scotland until he started filming Outlander...and then he lived in Glasgow, not Edinburgh. Soooo, how could he be a "Thursday night regular" at a bar in Edinburgh, like you mentioned in your previous Ask? He couldn't.

2. Your BROTHER told you Sam was known as "The Legendary Limb?" Um, I hate to break it to you, but guys don't talk about each other's "limbs." I have lots of brothers and male cousins. There are certain guy rules, like you don't look over at the dude next to you in the urinal...and you don't talk about other guys' d*cks. You should have said your "sister" told you this and maybe I would have bought it.

3. You said to ask my sources. Well my sources said when Sam was younger, he was shy, didn't date much because he was laser focused on getting acting gigs and going to the gym. At no point, has any source painted him in his younger years as a lothario who left a bunch of hens crying because he went home with some other chick.

4. Both your Asks have way too many unnecessary details--a telltale sign of lying. The truth is simple and straightforward...and doesn't feel the need to add details, you should have especially left out the Passover mention. Dead giveaway that this is all fantasy. Who talks about Scottish cock at Passover FFS? 🤭

Are you sure you're not talking about Gerry Butler? Now HE I could believe this about.

Can't wait for your third installment of the Sam faux saga. Oh, I know, you "forgot" to mention your brother is gay and that's why he was mentioning Sam's ginormous limb?! 🤭😁

I'll be waaaiiiiting...😊

#samheughan #fanfiction #passover #youregoingtohell #legendarylimb #edinburgh #auldreekie #gerrybutler #gerardbutler #bigdirk

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romanfucker · 11 months

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2, 19, and 20

hi az!!!!!!!! i hope that the sunny fandom is doing well i miss you guys but unfortunately roman's pussy has me in a super-max grip

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?

in all seriousness: roman roy it's okay baby. i see your gay sub coding. even from season 1 before they fully Got who roman was they were setting him up to sexually different--we know he doesn't fuck grace, but he does get off on the concept of being cucked by that waiter, and holding her vibrating phone to her pussy. like baby just does not want to use his dick and consistently fails to have PiV sex with both grace and tabitha but is clearly horny...from masturbating in his office, to the phone calls/bathroom scene with gerri, these things are clear: he seemingly copes with stress via sex, is needy and comes very quickly, and needs someone who won't make him use his dick for penetration.

if you put roman roy on top in any context i am outside your house with toilet paper and anger in my heart. he is one of the only explicitly submissive characters on TV like just let him live

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

well i'm not catholic so i don't feel guilt about pleasure. so jot that down. but i must say i was not planning on romencken being the dark horse of my heart. they interact like four times total in the show and yet i hate to say that i am as compelled by them as i am with macdennis. evil daddy/unhinged baby ship of all time. to me.

also the daddy kink was a huge surprise i used to be disgusted by it. but i will do anything for roman, including giving him a daddy, and then fixating on it so much that it Means Something To Me

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

is saying "any plot that doesn't involve roman" a cop out answer? yes? well i have to say i quite liked everything about succession. but whenever greg was on screen i did groan. i hate that guy he is pointless and stupid and annoying and i hope someone hits him with a car

choose violence ask game

#thanks for the ask!#asks #nightcrawlerzincorporated #c.txt

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phoenixwatchesmovies · 1 year

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What I'm Watching 2023: March

This year is already moving way too fast, istg. Between watching the radar for tornadoes and getting reasonably stoned on cold meds, this is coming in late, but oh well.

The Last Of Us

ALL HAIL PIANO FROG! I'm not a gamer, so I have no prior attachment to the source material. I only started watching after seeing my dash blow up with gif sets and the like. That being said, I have no regrets. The performances and the production values are great, and I cried on several occasions. Bonus points for using Pearl Jam in the soundtrack. The pacing is a little uneven sometimes, but it's not such a big deal it detracted from what I enjoyed. My only other gripe is that the season was so. Effing. Short.

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil

A friend recommended this to me years ago, then I recommended it to a different friend, and we had a blast watching it. If you're not in the know, this one is a horror comedy dealing with stereotypes and the assumptions people make about each other, and a LOT of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Think of it like Three's Company, but a slasher. In hindsight, it's hard to think this came from the mid 2000's, when the genre was full to capacity with the stereotypes this film calls out. And maybe I'm overthinking a movie where half the cast gets killed off in increasingly idiotic accidents, but at the end of the day, I had a good time watching. And that's good enough for me.

New Nightmare

First of all, isn't she pretty? 😍 Second of all, I'm saving the majority of my thoughts for later, but out of the franchise as a whole, this one is somewhere in the top three.

This Is Where I Leave You

I would never have chosen to watch this of my own accord, as it's outside of my usual preferences, but I kinda liked it anyway. Funny, sad, and sweet, and it didn't end the way you probably would expect. Bonus points for using Pearl Jam in the soundtrack.

Scream (2022)

We'll have to agree to disagree, Sidney.

The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

TWO distinct fandoms are sleeping on this one, and it's a damn shame. Phantom fans, this is the only adaptation to actually include the violin in the cemetery! (It's a sore point for a lot of us...) Slasher lovers, it's Robert frickin Englund! Literally everyone else, if you don't like POTO or horror, it's still on point with the music and the cinematography, and is generally underrated, IMO.

Greenland

We are finally, FINALLY, a Gerard Butler household. 🤣 I favor his dramas over the action flicks he's been doing the last few years, and this is more drama than action, so...yay? I'm not a huge fan of disaster movies in general, but I honestly think this would have worked better as a miniseries. It felt rushed and underwhelming at the same time, and yet the potential is there. On the other hand, Gerry finally, FINALLY, gets to use his own accent.

Beetlejuice

I've seen this one several times over in bits and pieces over the course of three decades, but only straight through and from beginning to end once. Well, twice now. I grew up on the animated series, tho, so while I've cooled off on Tim Burton, I'll always have a soft spot for Beetlejuice.

Shadow and Bone

I haven't seen any book fans throwing too much of a fit about season two, but I'm sure they're out there. Granted, I blew through all of it in one day and a lot of it is a blur, but I appreciate the deviations. They pulled my attention back whenever I zoned out, and I'm more excited for season three (if we get one, because Netflix) to see how the rest of the story pans out.

Glass Onion

You know why I hate most mysteries and detective dramas? They all take themselves soooooooooo seriously. There is always a ton of extra baggage to unpack from one case to the next, and I'm getting to really dislike series that require you to sit through EVERYTHING to know what's going on. I love this one because it doesn't do that. It's fun, dammit! Everyone has already picked this one apart and yelled over the good bits, and all I have to add to the noise is that watching this movie felt like being a kid reading the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time, or watching Miss Marple episodes on PBS with my grandparents. It's going on my list of comfort movies, and it's going to stay there.

Leverage

Speaking of comfort, I'm a season into my umpteen hundredth rewatch of my number one comfort show. And planning on catching up with the reboot once I'm done! What's not to love about a bunch of modern day Robin Hoods taking down corrupt officials and billionaires? Bonus points for featuring Mark Sheppard for best recurring character (again).

It Chapter Two

Strangely enough, this is a rewatch, which would have been unheard of not too long ago, as far as anything Pennywise related goes. Even stranger, it put me in the mood to revisit Doctor Sleep. Strangest yet, I already want to do a double feature. 😂

Kung Fu Panda

Don't act like you don't love this movie. It's fucking brilliant.

###

This has gone on long enough, so I guess we'll meet back here next month!

#watch a thon 2023 #the last of us #tucker and dale vs evil #new nightmare #this is where i leave you #scream 2022 #the phantom of the opera 1989 #greenland #beetlejuice #shadow and bone #glass onion #leverage #it chapter two #kung fu panda

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measuringbliss · 10 months

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Spider-Man Read-Through 021: A Jackal and a Wedding (ASM 129-131)

MASTERPOST

The Punisher and the Jackal are introduced! How fun. What an iconic cover. But more importantly, we ponder on whether Peter has been more objectified with Ross Andru's takeover and you'll see my opinions have evolved throughout this batch.

The Punisher is tasked by the Jackal to eliminate Spider and does so by generously showing us his wonderful butt, that I oddly hadn't noticed when I was a kid but now can definitely appreciate. The Punisher thinks Spidey killed Norman (which, sort of). As for the Jackal's reason? Uhhhh we'll see that next year.

Spider-Man out of context.

The Punisher realizes thanks to Spidey that the Jackal would have killed him after Spidey's death and him and his fantastic skin-tight suit go away (to his own magazine?). In the last panel, the Jackal pretends the reason he wants to kill Spidey is to take over the city, which, as you might know, was retconned later. Hmm.

In the comics on Readonline (I love reading reactions, makes me feel like the fandom isn't dead!), we can see this:

And I kind of disagree, so much as I don't see why this comment is on this particular issue. Peter has been objectified since his beginnings but particularly when Romita Sr took over. Ffs, his first issue was a gay BDSM romp. Peter is very clearly handsome, but he has been for about 80-90 issues (and you could argue he also was handsome in Ditko's style). The issue contains two panels with shirtless Pete, and I didn't find them particularly erotic.

HOWEVER! I do think he is made to look like the perfect husband, be it the pin-up pose in the first panel or the sewing in the third one. He's a domestic husbando. I wonder if that's intentional. But I wouldn't call all of those objectification... maybe the first one. His shirt is in a corner, it's vaguely sleazy, but the focus is on the traditional biceps, not so much on his butt (and we saw in this very issue that Andru has no trouble giving cake to men).

I do think it's an interesting observation though. It's the first time I see that aspect called out.

The next issue (130) features Hammerhead, which never made anybody feel joy.

Hammerhead has injected a chip in his henchmen's heads that explodes if they try to say his name. Sure! Spidey has other priorities though, and he wakes up his boyfriend (Hmm... *Are* the men more objectified than before, with Ross Andru? Huh. I'm starting to think this might be true...).

SO WE FINALLY GET THE SPIDER-MOBILE. When it appeared in Into The Spider-Verse's credits, I jumped, I'm telling you. It's iconic! very lovely. I don't quite know why everybody hates it, I think it's a fun concept. As the car soars in the street, Gerry Conway's narration explains that "a legend is born" and he didn't know how right he was.

Rimbaud's death from #120 is referenced, and he apparently died for Ock's plans... which seems outlandish to me considering what those plans actually are.

...Okay, I'm really starting to think dear Nathaniel might be right. Oh, my ovaries... I think I'm pregnant.

Anyway, while I'm very glad to see MJ again, Peter is very frustrated because her being close will make his Spidey job harder. But they're cute together! It's heartwarming to finally see them having a cute scene where Pete isn't being an ass.

At Betty and Ned's Christmas party (<3), Peter reaffirms to himself that he's not yet ready for another relationship, with MJ trying really hard to get in his pants--understandable, honey.

The issue closes on another iconic reveal, what Ock had planned all along, a storyline years in the making...

May looks ravishing, hah.

The concept is ridiculous but I'm completely here for it. But what is Ock's real objective, you say? Can't it be love?

...Okay, here you go (and I completely forgot about it).

I had completely forgotten about that, and it's no thanks to how completely absurd it is. Spidey eventually flies away with May, because he also learned how to fly a plane apparently.

And what happens when a Hammerhead meets a nuclear bomb or whatahavit... happens.

So Ock and Hammerhead are thankfully dead (for now, boo).

To be fair, it's a gorgeous panel.

And the closing panels are great too.

#spider-man #the jackal #the punisher #sexualization #hammerhead #doc ock #amazing spider-man #comics #comic books

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from-the-clouds · 2 years

Text

Thinking of a Place (Part VII) - Kendall Roy x Reader

gif by @televisionchronicles

Summary: The penultimate chapter.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption, discussions of drug abuse/addiction.

A/N: Massive apologies to everyone for the semi-cliffhanger and then delayed update. Life was very stressful and crazy, and I wrote briefly for another fandom. I had such bad writers block with this part, but I do think it is one of my favorites. Please let me know what you think.

The spires of the cathedral were jagged, jutting straight up and somehow still managing to make the church appear more threatening than the skyscrapers that towered around it. You had to tilt your head back all the way to take it in, dragging your feet up the steps.

“This is gonna be so awful,” a voice sounded behind you, and you paused your slow procession for it to catch up. “Oh, it’s gonna suck so bad.”

Stewy fell into step beside you, glued to his phone and texting frantically, trying to do some business last-minute before it would be taboo. You wanted to laugh, but knew now was not the time. Plus, your stomach was twisting itself in knots, and it might’ve felt nice to relieve some of the tension squirming about.

It only gets worse from here.

“You don’t know the half of it,” you sympathized absentmindedly. It wasn’t too late to back out, was it? You could. All it would take was to turn around, get back in the car and go home, pretend it never happened. It would be better to erase this part of your life and never look back.

Hell, you weren’t even planning to be there, until Stewy guilted you into it. It wasn’t fair.

“We should go to the funeral, right?” he had mused over the phone, catching you after work. “Like, that’s the right thing to do, no?”

You pushed back your cuticles and paused the episode of Shark Tank you had on, stifling a laugh. There was no chance you’d be able to pay attention. “Since when do you care about doing the right thing?”

“I don’t,” he scoffed, offended. “But it might make me look bad…is what I’m saying. I was on the board, I owned all those shares….it’d be bad for business, at least.”

“Yeah,” you paused. “I don’t care if I look bad.”

“Well, yeah, but you still have to go with me,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I’m not fucking going to this thing alone.”

“Stewy, no…I’m not going.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Come on, uhhh, let’s see, what dirt could I scrounge up to use as blackmail to make sure you come?” he mused. “Maybe I should hire a PI.”

“Good luck with that,” you laughed, but felt your face fall, something nagging at the back of your mind.

Even though you knew Stewy was joking, you did wonder if it was possible someone could ever find evidence of what had happened between you and Kendall. On your end, there was no paper trail. Perhaps a few spicy texts you’d shared, but even those were vague enough to give you plausible deniability, and you’d never uttered a word about it to anyone. As for him, you had no idea. But it’s not like you were going to try to find out.

“No,” Stewy said, after a pause. “You’re a good person, that’s why you’ll go. I don’t even need to guilt you. You’ll do it to yourself.” “No I won’t!,” you exclaimed in mock indignity. “You don’t know me….”

But you knew Stewy was right. Even before he’d called you, you’d already been considering it. Through all the bullshit, you had spent so many years of your life at Waystar. And it wasn’t just Kendall you’d grown close to. Gerri, Greg, even Shiv at times had all been some sort of friend. You had to show support. This wasn’t just about him.

“But… “ For all you knew, it might be crowded enough that you didn’t even have to speak to Kendall. Maybe, if you were really lucky, he wouldn’t be there. You weren’t sure what terms he was on with Logan, anyways. You knew it was the right thing to do.

“....yeah, I guess I should go,” you added.

So you went to the funeral, filing into the church alongside Stewy Hosseini of all people. You were ultimately glad you weren’t alone, just because you would’ve felt incredibly uncomfortable. You still did, of course. But you already couldn’t imagine anything worse than this.

The sound of chanting – coming from the small group of protestors outside – reached your ears from the back of the church where you sat, with your eyes cast down. There weren’t as many people in attendance as you were expecting, though there were still probably hundreds, a fair amount of them journalists, some of them there for the story, others to pay their respects – which was rather laughable if you thought about it. But besides all the suits and ties, and old white men with haggard faces, it still felt like there weren’t that many. A man like Logan Roy didn’t seem to keep friends, unless they were good for business. And even then, you’d seen how disposable members of his inner circle could be.

The service was long, and felt like it lasted forever. Maybe it was just your nerves, you couldn’t stop fidgeting next to Stewy, who gave you a couple of side-eyed glares while you nibbled on your cuticles and twisted one of the rings on your fingers, crossing and uncrossing your legs.

Marcia, Shiv, Roman, and Connor all spoke, but not Kendall. In fact, you were beginning to think he wasn’t even there, felt the persistent pinch between your shoulder blades begin to release, especially once the service wrapped up, and the priest announced that the burial was closed to immediate family only.

It made you feel a little more relaxed. Just an hour – give or take – and you could go home, know you weren’t a heartless monster who wouldn’t show up, and not have to live with anymore guilt. You were almost in the clear.

“Shall we pay our respects?” asked Stewy, standing up from his spot.

“Probably,” you said, lining up behind the long processional that fed towards the altar where the family sat.

Stewy didn’t say anything for awhile, hands in the pockets of his impeccably tailored suit. You were grateful for the silence, especially when he opened his mouth and spoke again.

“I bet Ken will be so happy to see you after all this time,” he eyed you carefully with a devilish twinkle in his eyes, gauging your reaction.

You pressed your lips together. Narrowed your eyes. I know what you’re doing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you kept it playful.

“Well, you know…he always had a thing for you. He never would admit it to me but….I just knew it.”

You feigned surprise, before shrugging and shaking your head. “I don’t know about that. And if how he treated me is how he treats people he likes? Then I’d want no part in it.”

Stewy had been given a very vague explanation of your reasons for leaving Waystar, the headline being that Kendall had offended you one-to-many times – which wasn’t exactly a lie.

“That’s his modus operandi,” Stewy said. “Fuck people over until they leave. It’s almost like he wants it to happen.”

Stewy had known Kendall since childhood, he knew him better than you did, in a lot of ways. Still, you wished what he was saying wasn’t true.

“Yeah,” you shook your head. “I don’t know.”

After that, Stewy let it go, thank god. For the rest of the time spent waiting, he chatted with you idly, sneakily hiding behind you to use his phone and send emails. You started to zone out as he droned to you about various topics – why NFTs were the future of currency and how you needed to buy one, some club he was investing in that sold magic mushroom infused cocktails, and his upcoming trip to Dubai. Despite the subject matter, you were thankful to have him as a distraction as the number of people in the church dwindled.

And then you saw him.

The man standing next to Shiv with his hands buried in the pockets of his suit, crisp and unwrinkled. You had actually noticed him already, but didn’t even recognize him at first. Kendall.

He looked exhausted, utterly spent, eyes flickering down as he shrugged his arm forward to shake someone’s hand. And although you weren’t surprised to see him in such a state considering the circumstances, that wasn’t why you didn’t recognize him right away.

He looked….good. Healthy, even. His skin was practically glowing, his hair had grown out, speckled with far more gray than you remembered. Perhaps he’d been dyeing it all this time. It didn’t matter, because it suited him. Fuck. You were still attracted to him, which didn’t bode well. You supposed you always would be, though, whether he was a coked-out mess or a put-together, confident and powerful man. The appeal would never leave you. But it wasn’t like you still had feelings for him, or anything.

Kendall glanced around the room, as the person he had been talking to moved on, scanning diligently. And even though you tried to angle yourself behind Stewy, to remain out of sight, you weren’t fast enough. It was too late. When he saw you, he did a double-take. Then, he was locked in.

Oh, great. You weren’t sure if you thought it, or you muttered it under your breath.

Against your better judgment, you met his gaze. Something fluttered in your stomach. Kendall tilted his head, and you were a little surprised by the tenderness written on his features, warmth in his eyes, like he was only seeing you. Like you both knew something no one else in the room did. You found yourself lingering there, just for a moment longer than you should have.

The only thing that pulled you away was someone shaking you, tapping you relentlessly, saying your name. Finally, you turned away from Kendall, somewhat thankful. You still snuck one final glance over your shoulder, to find that he had also been pulled away.

“Greg!” you exclaimed when you saw who it was that had stolen your attention.

“Hey,” Towering over you, he grinned widely. “S-so good to see you.”

“You too!”

Considering he was on Logan’s side of the deal with Gojo, you hadn’t technically been allowed to talk to him. But that didn’t matter anymore. Now, he was one of the bigwigs at Waystar, carrying himself with more confidence than you thought possible. Even then, he was still just as gangly, offering you the most awkward side-hug you’d encountered. “How are you?”

“Good,” you embraced him in return. “I’m so sorry about your uncle.”

“It’s like, you know….it’s one of those things that happen, I guess,” he said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. He didn’t seem that upset. “It’s good to see you.”

Before being pulled in different directions, you and Greg had been quite close. He was your go-to person to share a joint with during an excruciating networking event; and you, him, and Jess pretty much had therapy sessions commiserating about your nearly-insufferable bosses. Yet, you all stuck around.

“Good to see you too.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Stewy raise his hand to wave at someone across the room, phone to his ear, and he stepped away and out of your periphery. You assumed it would be the last time you’d see him that day. So much for having company.

“So like, what are you doing now, like, work-wise?” Greg asked.

“Well, you know I’m-”

“Greg, come on, we’re going now-” the click of heels on the hardwood, accompanied by a familiar voice was a dead giveaway. Shiv. Her face lit up when she saw you, her three brothers trailing behind. The line had scattered before you could even get to them.

“Oh my god,” Shiv surprised you with a rare hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too, I’m so sorry about your dad,” you said as she released you.

“Yeah well, you know,” Shiv shrugged, dropping her hand. “I’m surprised you’re here. How have you been?”

“I’m good. Are you still working at-”

“I thought we had like, 20 minutes?” Greg interrupted, leaning to whisper in her ear.

“Uh, yeah. I said that 30 minutes ago,” Shiv answered, pulling her phone out to look at it. “Can you go find Tom? I’ve tried calling him and he’s not picking up.” She turned her attention back to you.

“I’m so sorry, we have to get going, this day has been so-”

“Don’t apologize, I get it,” you shook your head. You’d been to your own fathers funeral, and even though Logan was a different type of parent, you couldn’t imagine how stressful this was for any of his children.

“Thank you for understanding. Hey!” she said, like she’d forgotten something. “You’re coming to Ken’s after this, right? You should be there.”

You meant to object to Shiv’s request politely, but before you could, you were interrupted.

“Oh there she is, the girl who fucking ghosted us all,” Roman jutted in, words rather harsh, even though there was a dark smile on his face and he was shaking your shoulders. Shiv had turned away and was whispering to Greg. “Nice of you to show up.”

“Rome, I don’t think that’s helpful-” a familiar deep timbre was in your ear and your eyes flickered over just as Kendall stepped between you and his younger brother. He peered at you cautiously as Roman lost interest in offering any more verbal harassment, turning to throw a snarky remark at Connor and Willa instead.

“Hey,” Kendall said, much of the chatter and chaos around you fading. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you said, not sure what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? It concerned you that immediately, your first instinct was to comfort him. But the more conscious part of your brain recoiled at the thought. Do something. Say something. You were frozen, until finally, you remembered your funeral etiquette. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Yeah,” he answered, nodding. “Yeah, thank you, it’s uh…it’s pretty tough.”

You nodded, inhaling through your nose as you shifted your weight, and Kendall’s gaze flickered downward, both of you holding for a clumsy silence.

“It’s uh,” Kendall cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you, though.”

You swallowed hard, feigning indifference. “Yeah, it’s been awhile.”

“Ken, come on, or we’ll leave without you,” Shiv was backing away. Roman, Greg, and a slew of others hovering around.

“Okay, okay,” he stepped away. “Listen I gotta get to the burial but uh, I uh….you know we’re uh, having some people over at my place after - mostly Waystar people…. just, you know, for food and….” he trailed off. “Closer family and friends…..you should come. You were a big part of it all.”

“Yeah, don’t know about that.” A big part of it all? He was playing you. You wanted to make an excuse. Some reason you couldn’t make it. You were drawing a blank. No was a complete sentence, but that simple syllable lay dead on your tongue.

“It’s the truth,” Kendall insisted earnestly. “You should be there, really.”

“Uhh, okay, I guess…” you forced your lips to form a tight-lipped, reluctant smile.

“Okay,” Relief washed over his features and he stepped away. “Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll see you there.”

You turned your back to him, tilted your head back to groan, and stared at a long-haired man in the stained glass window.

Why?

— — — — —

Being back in Kendall’s apartment felt…strange. On one hand, you no longer belonged. It had been ages. It was unfamiliar, cold. Like a museum. On the other hand, it was as though no time had passed. Warmth still lingered in the space, and your eyes were inexplicably drawn to places they shouldn’t have been – the couch where he had first kissed you, the wall he’d pinned you against in the hallway. You were just lucky you didn’t have to go into his bedroom, for whatever reason.

So you spent much of your time hovering around Gerri, who you’d lost touch with – mostly after Kendall tried to sabotage his father – but that grudge had come and gone. During your years at Waystar, she’d become something of a mentor to you, and the closest thing you had to a mother besides…well, your own mother, who you only considered your mother because it was the objective truth.

But more importantly, you could always rely on her if you needed to talk shit. Over the years, that was the kind of trust you didn’t earn with just anyone, but you had a mutual understanding. What you said to each other never left the room you were in, and you always had to keep any insider information to yourself.

And at the party, Gerri did a good job of keeping you included in conversations so you weren’t forced to talk to anyone you didn’t want to – which was pretty much only one person. She spent most of the time filling you in on what had happened in and outside of the business since you’d left it, much to your dismay. Your morbid curiosity, however, was very encouraged by the information.

“Did you hear that Rava is remarrying?” Gerri asked you, under her breath as you sat next to her, nursing a bourbon and nibbling on amuse bouche.

“No, I didn’t,” you said, raising an eyebrow, though it wasn’t exactly a surprise. You wondered how Kendall handled the news, then pushed the thought aside.

“Really?” Gerri sipped on her martini. “Wow, you really did cut ties,” she said, giving you a side-eye, while still scanning the room, settling back to make sure she had noted everyone in the space and where exactly they were. She was and had always been, by far, the most capable person you’d ever known. “I thought you and Ken kept in touch.”

You snorted, scowling, and glanced over at Gerri, who was studying you carefully. “I haven’t seen or talked to him since I left.” Of course, you’d never tell Gerri the extent of your history with Ken.

Your acting must have paid off, because she moved on without issue. “That one,” Gerri gestured to Roman, who was downing a glass of champagne. “Lord only knows what will happen with that one now that Logan’s gone.”

You smirked, as your gaze flickered between her and Roman, recalling a rumor you’d heard. It was too preposterous to ever be true, and far too sordid to even jokingly bring up to her. “Yeah, who knows…”

She gave a dry laugh in response. Then sighed. “I should probably stop being so antisocial,” Gerri said, uncrossing her legs.

You nodded in agreement, standing up along with her, making your way to get another bourbon – which was the only thing keeping you remotely relaxed.

“Hey,” you felt a hand on your arm just as you took the first sip, and turned around to find Shiv with a champagne flute in her hand. “I hate to do this, but can you help me find Ken? We’re supposed to do a toast, and he basically like, vanished.”

“Shiv, I-” you began to object.

“Please?” she pressed, pouting slightly. You supposed that this wasn’t about you, at all. That she was mourning her father and you could stop being so selfish.

“Yeah, I can-”

“Whaddup sluts?” Roman injected.

Shiv’s eyes widened in a mortified expression. “Rome, can’t you at least pretend to be upset?”

“Eh, well, that’s always been Ken’s job,” he put his hand on his hip, pressing them forward and peering around the room. “Speaking of which, where is he? Sulking because he didn’t go before dad?”

“Roman,” Shiv warned, then glanced all around her nervously for anyone within earshot.

“What? Stop that, you know it was almost him just a few months ago,” he rolled his eyes.

His words took a second to land.

“Wait, what happened?” you blurted before Shiv could even scold him.

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” Roman grinned, absolutely diabolical.

Shiv flipped her hair and leaned forward, hissing at him. “Now is not the time to-”

“No, no it’s fine,” Roman said, coughing after he took an overzealous sip of champagne. “I’ll just repress the traumatic memory of finding my big brother unconscious on his bathroom floor, it’s fine-”

“Roman-”

“Hey, what did he do to you anyways?” Roman turned to you, standing wide eyed and shocked at his callousness, bits and pieces of a horrific story coming together in your mind with each careless toss of words in your direction. “Because he didn’t tell us shit. It had to be pretty fucking bad, though.”

You shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. “I can’t even remember.”

“Bullshit, come on, what really happened? It fucked him up, like, so good.”

You couldn’t answer. God, you’d really lost your ability to deal with these kinds of people, to stay stoned-faced and unfeeling while horrible things were being said straight to your face. And Roman, of all of them, was probably the most harmless. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. He was just an….acquired taste. A lot more bitter than you remembered.

“Come on, tell us, I’m dying to know.” Shiv had quieted, looking on.

Finally, finally, that old fire in you lit up – just enough for you to press your lips together in a coy smile as you raised your hands. “I’ve signed too many NDA’s Rome, I can’t answer that.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Ugh, whatever, you….so fucking cryptic, too good for us, now?”

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully. “I’ll find Kendall,” you nodded at Shiv.

It was a little concerning to know that he hadn’t changed in the slightest since you’d last spoken, you thought somewhere along the way he might try to be….or get better. But they were Roys. None of them would ever really thrive.

After doing a turn about the apartment and being unable to find him anywhere, you finally decided to try his office, figuring he might be in one of the more closed off areas of the space. Shiv putting you up to this seemed like a sick joke, but thanks to Roman’s big mouth you got the impression that neither of them actually knew anything, which made this whole situation less humiliating.

The office door was ajar, which meant that he probably wasn’t inside if all he wanted were a few moments of privacy. You poked your head inside and saw nothing at first glance, until your eyes caught a small form hunched in the corner of the room.

Sat with his knees to his chest, folded in a ball, head parallel with the ground, he was a sight.

“Hey,” you said softly.

One of his palms swiped his nose as he glanced over at you. “Oh, hey,” he answered, staring back at the floor, snorting and shaking his head. He’d been crying. He didn’t want you, or anybody to see it. Curled up and isolated, ashamed and vulnerable, a boy hiding his tears from a world and from a father that might see it and call him what he knew he was: weak.

And you might’ve told him to go find Shiv and then leave him there alone like that.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you stepped into the room, closing the door behind you. “Shiv sent me to come find you. Something about a toast….?”

“Oh yeah,” he grunted. “Yeah….I should probably get back out there.”

“You should take a second, if you need one.”

He didn't turn, didn't acknowledge you, just studied the polished marble floors. And you were bracing yourself against the wall so you could slide to sit next to him, crossing your legs when you were on the ground, back against the wall. Kendall’s shoulders sagged.

It felt like ages that you sat next to him, huddled like that, steeping in the tension, in the sorrow melting off of him.

“Is it bad that I feel kind of relieved?” he asked after a while, unmoving.

You snorted, remembering the first time Logan had ever yelled at you to fuck off, and then also a game he’d made up at a corporate retreat called Boar on the Floor. Both incidents had been mildly traumatizing, but were isolated. What it felt like to live through a lifetime of that type of humiliation and cruelty, you couldn’t imagine. “Not at all.”

"I-I’m relieved….” He reiterated. “....and I feel so fucking guilty.”

You inhaled, stared at whatever he was staring at, the wheels of his desk chair.

“He didn’t want me to speak at his memorial. His own son. All I did was let him down. I could’ve been….I could’ve been better.”

The words he spoke had a visceral reaction, you were suddenly queasy. And keeping your mouth shut only made it worse, holding back would’ve been more agonizing. “That’s not true, Kendall,” you shook your head. “He was impossible to please. People like him…they don’t change. You’d be setting yourself up to get hurt”

“Uh-huh.” Kendall’s eyes were on you, burning a hole in the side of your face, so uncomfortable and distracting that you gave in to it and stole him a glance. His expression was written with concern. Is that why you left? He had more of his father in him than he’d ever be willing to admit, a poison that was ever-spreading despite his desperation to purge himself of all that evil. And he couldn’t be sure he was capable of that.

“Thanks again for coming.”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged. “Figured I should.”

“It means a lot.”

“Yeah.”

A bandaid had to be ripped off, one that covered a wound so deep it might start bleeding and never stop. It was better to be left covered up.

He saved you the trouble. “So uh…what have you been getting into?”

“I work at an ad firm,” you said. “In house legal services.”

He nodded, a smile quivering at the corner of his mouth. “That sounds perfect for you.”

“Yeah, it definitely fits.”

“They probably love you there, I bet.”

You scoffed. “I don’t know about that….but, yeah…it’s….you know, it’s good. I’m….happy.”

He was gazing at you wistfully. Gentle, but still so sad. He was missing out. So many things that had happened over the past year, and he hadn’t been there to see any of it. He was mourning all the time lost. But he didn’t deserve your time. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

You turned away from the intensity of his expression. It would all come crumbling down around you. All you were supposed to do was retrieve him, and instead you were sitting next to him on the floor, letting him chat you up, and getting dust all over funeral dress. Things were clearly already crumbling.

“You know, everyone’s probably wondering…” you began.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should go.” Kendall pushed himself to his feet in record speed, turning to offer you his hand, so close to your face that refusing it would’ve been rude, like that was his plan all along. And you took it, as lightly as you could.

The skirt of your dress that had ridden up, and you tugged it back into place while Kendall smoothed down the lapels of his suit. “Did it get wrinkled?” he asked you, and you sized him up, frowning when you noticed some dust on the collar.

“Here,” you stepped towards him, into his space, using your hand to wipe away the lint, looking down at his chest. “And uh….your tie is…” You reached out to tuck it back in his jacket, fingers lingering a little too long when you caught a whiff of his cologne. It had taken nearly all day to get used to being back with these people, but five minutes with Kendall and you were already reverting back to old habits. “There.”

When you stepped away and looked at Kendall, that dejected look on his face had returned, and his eyes were searching yours desperately. It hurt. You could see all the regret in his features, all the things he wanted to say but wasn’t. His eyes were trying to find something to hold onto in your own, to cling to something so he wasn’t swallowed entirely by grief.

You looked at the floor. There wasn’t anyone strong enough to confront that look. At some point, you thought you could. Not anymore. He wasn’t any of your business.

When you glanced back over at him, he’d sunk his gaze to the ground, was shrinking before you.

You would tell yourself you didn’t know what compelled you to embrace him. That your hand rose to his shoulder, on its own accord, and the words you spoke couldn’t have been from your mouth.

“Hey. It’ll be alright.”

Kendall stiffened at first, the surprise at your actions jolting through his body, as you closed the space between you and laid your arms around his torso. He was warm, he smelled like you always remembered – expensive cologne, cigarettes, laundry detergent. But the way he melted into you when he realized – oh. It was almost euphoric. His arms wound around your waist, his fingers kneaded into the fabric of your black dress. The shuddery inhale he took when his face pressed against your neck made you shiver.

It shouldn’t have excited you that much, to be so close to him again. But it did. It satiated something deep-seated within that you couldn’t seem to control today.

Kendall choked in a whimper, sounding half relieved, half in pain. “Fuck,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. So so sorry,” he sobbed, as you both clutched at each other desperately.

Tears pricked at the back of your eyes, and you struggled to keep from crying for the first time that day. One of his hands rubbed your back an attempt to comfort you, even as he fell apart. The purchase of his hands was so sturdy….but brittle. Under any more pressure he might break.

“I know,” you answered, barely above a squeak. You couldn’t trust yourself to be any louder without crying, and Romans words from earlier were filtering back into your mind. Shifting your hand to the back of his neck, you drew him even closer. “I was worried about you. ”

“I’m okay,” he said softly.

He held you, unwavering, for an undetermined amount of time. It had to end, and it did, when you both slowly unwound from each other, swiping underneath your eyes. But his hand lingered on your waist as you walked out of the office.

Kendall stayed close to you for the rest of evening, joining in on conversations near yours, standing next to you during whatever toasts were being made. You even stood chatting to Sophie and Iverson about school while he looked on. But as things began to wind down, he disappeared again, and you started to do your rounds saying goodbye. You’d spent enough time back in this world, and didn’t need to stay.

It was your chance to slip away. And you thought it would go unnoticed, that maybe you could vanish and no one would see it happen. You had your hand on the doorknob when you heard the clip of dress shoes on the marble floor. The footsteps halted behind you, and there was a hand on your shoulder.

“Please don’t go.”

“Kendall, you should be with your family,” you turned around to face him.

“They’re going to leave,” he said, hand moving down to wrap around your bicep. “I want…can you be with me? Just a little longer.”

You felt your posture slump. He was your biggest weakness, the sorest nerve inside you. Did he know it? He had to. If that was true, you could write him off as the monster you’d tried to convince yourself he was. But maybe it wasn’t so sinister. Was Kendall capable of that? For some reason, even after all he’d put you through, you didn’t think so. You were going to give in to him, like you always did. You’d held out for so long this time.

“Okay,” you said, letting his hand trail down your arm before it dropped at his side.

“Thank you,” he said, eyes searching yours in earnest as you followed him back down the hallway.

The party, if that was what you could even call it, ended within the hour. Everyone trickled out, even Shiv and Roman, the mess cleaned up by the event staff. And you and Kendall were left alone.

This could be a recipe for disaster, you thought. Or it could be exactly what you knew it was.

“Will you uh, sit outside with me while I…have a cigarette?” he asked, after you’d spent a fair amount of time sitting rigidly on the couch in front of him.

Nodding your head, you followed him outside, crossing your arms and keeping your distance from the edge of the balcony. The lights from the city shrouded any stars in the sky, and instead created their own constellations – the glow of windows stretching out endlessly across the skyline. And the distant sounds of sirens and car horns were far enough away to be an ambiance. It was….peaceful, even with Kendall there.

But, determined to not make it so, Kendall held a cigarette between his lips, leaning over the glass railing, head hanging out over the open air. Air, so much air and absolutely nothing between him and the ground below. Standing in his living room looking out the window was different than being in the open like this. You didn’t feel nearly as safe.

“Be careful,” you blurted, reaching out to clasp a hand around his bicep.

Kendall chuckled just a little, pulling the cigarette from between his lips. “Don’t worry,” he said, but he did step away, and then closer to you. Fuck. That’s not what you had meant to happen. He really did look good, all emotional turmoil aside. Especially the grey hair, it was doing something for you, and you really hadn't expected to feel so drawn to him.

You swallowed hard and nodded, satisfied that he wasn’t – on accident or on purpose – going to topple over the edge. Backing away, you sat on the couch, trying not to shiver from the chill of the evening.

“Want one?” Kendall asked as he sat down next to you, offering you his pack of American Spirits. You accepted. You weren’t much of a cigarette smoker, but maybe it’d do something about the incessant panic nipping the back of your head. Placing it between your lips, Kendall leaned in to light it for you.

“Are you working anywhere right now?” you asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke. It seemed harmless enough a question, but something to break the uncomfortable silence. Sterile, as if you two were at a networking event.

“Uh–huh,” Kendall lit his own cigarette. “Well, I uh….I’ve got a few things going on but uh…mostly I’m just…figuring it out.”

“I’ve been there.”

He winced when you said it, and looked at his feet. “Yeah, uh….I-I know.”

You didn’t answer. You chewed on your bottom lip and took another drag.

“I uh…” Kendall spoke again. “A few months back I wrote you a letter. Did you….did you get it?”

“Yeah I did…” You took a deep breath. “I read it.”

Kendall nodded, stared at his dress shoes, hunched over in his white shirt – the suit jacket and tie long since abandoned. “I uh….I hurt a lot of people…” he said, lifting his head, turning to face you. “I’m really trying to be better now.”

“Uh-huh,” You couldn’t help but keep the sarcasm from leaking into your tone. If it was months ago you would’ve given him a piece of your mind. But you had healed….for the most part.

“I’ve been sober for six months,” he said.

That softened you. “That’s great, Ken.”

He gave you a small and bashful smile, looking out at the horizon. The quiet no longer felt as heavy. Kendall straightened up.

“You look great, by the way,” he said, looking up at you from over his shoulder.

You bit your lower lip to keep from smiling, but you couldn’t really stop it. “Uh-huh,” you answered. “Well….you do too.” It was the truth. And you weren’t one to lie.

“Uh-huh. Thanks,” he smirked and looked back at the horizon, taking another drag.

You stayed with him a little longer, but when the dress you wore had you shivering on his porch, you decided it was time to go. Kendall protested, of course, offering to let you borrow a sweatshirt, saying you could sleep in one of his guest rooms, or at the very least call a car to take you home. But you refused all of it.

You were on your way out when he stopped you, your name on his lips, the warmth of his hand around your wrist, penetrative stare all-encompassing and halting you entirely.

“I think about you all the time, you know that?” he asked. “Every day. You were so good to me.”

His words made you shiver, or maybe it was left over from being outside in the cold. Either way, you were feeling a little overwhelmed, a bitter taste on your tongue despite the sweetness of his words. You wanted to believe him, to trust him so badly. Wanted to tell him so many things.

You just nodded in response.

“Can we….I-I want to see you again…” he said softly. “It doesn’t have to be anything, I just…I really missed you.”

It looked like he was going to cry again, standing so close you could see the shine lying dormant in his eyes. “I want to be able to talk to you again, at least. Is that…is that okay?”

You looked at the floor. You knew the best thing to do for yourself was to close this chapter of your life. It seemed like loving him would only ever end in heartbreak. But he was impossible, he was inevitable.

“Yeah, let’s just…” Take it slow. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

Relief washed over him, his face relaxing and a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Of course.”

He pulled you into another hug. “Thank you,” he murmured. He felt so warm and safe, and every bone in your body betrayed you as you surrendered to his touch.

“I missed you too,” you whispered, and kind of hoped he didn’t hear it. But he must have, holding you closer, pressing his lips into your hair, then your temple. After a little more time spent wrapped in his arms, you pulled away and then slipped out the door.

You would regret this, you thought. But you were going to do it anyways.

Part VIII

#if you're reading this please come into my inbox and ask me to share the photo i envisioned while writing about grey-haired ken because....#its something i think all kendall enjoyers need to see #kendall roy #kendall roy x reader #succession #succession writing #kengirls come get yall juice #stewy hosseini #shiv roy #logan roy #roman x reader #gerri kellman #greg hirsch #kendall roy x you #kendall roy angst

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hageny · 2 years

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Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

1. The Bleeding.

With the season finale of Succession just days away, the future of Roman and Gerri is heavy on the minds of many who watch the show. The pained, forlorn “will they, won’t they�� dance they’ve done for three years has come to a painful head, and most in the fandom know--realistically--that the ending of the season will be, for these two, painful. Happiness may be on the horizon, but it’s likely far away from where we sit right now. Sunday’s episode provoked strong reactions within the fandom, with some expressing their desire to call it quits on shipping Roman/Gerri, labeling Roman a “sexual harasser”, and questioning the consent within their relationship this season. As I’ve said before, everyone is entitled to their opinion. But in the world of Succession, black and white does not rule the day; nuance is key. Things are shaded grey, often open to interpretation, and a lot of what occurs is left for the viewer to decide. Lines are not always clear; actions are hazy; intent is questionable. It’s of course no secret that Roman sent a dick pic to Gerri, and it was this conclusion in the episode that sent a lot of people into a frenzy. To be fair, the reaction is understandable. The relationship between the two has always been unusual: the abrupt beginning of the sexual aspect of their relationship, the hazy feelings between the two, the question of who wants who more. But it’s never been put to the test in any definable way, and certainly not in the way we saw it tested this past week. To begin, I will say I don’t consider what Roman did--sending the dick pic after Gerri asked him to not send anymore--to be sexual harassment. Many will disagree. But I’ll explain why here. Firstly, what Roman did was certainly wrong. If anyone is asked to stop doing something, especially of a sexual nature, then that behavior should not continue, especially considering these two are technically only coworkers. But I think the question of why Roman did what he did can be answered by looking at him more closely. In the scene in the hotel, where he goes to Gerri’s room to get her for drinks and she then asks him to stop sending her, “the items”, he says something that is key: “I’m not so sure, I feel like you do want them, but you’re being kind of typically minxy”. This line is key, because it allows the audience to understand why Roman behaves how he does later. We have to consider who Roman is as a person. This is a man who was abused as a child--as all the children were--and was also subject to physical abuse (and still is) at the hands of Logan. His mother was absent, as we learn in her scene with Shiv, disinterested in her children, and saying dogs would’ve been more to her liking. As an adult, Roman is thrust into a world where boundaries are scant--if nonexistent--and given access to a job and a lifestyle few could imagine. He makes references to his mental health issues at times, at once saying he has borderline personality disorder, then telling Mattson that he can’t pee in front of other men, “due to, we don’t know what reason”. What is true and what isn’t with Roman is always in question. The dog cage story is set up early to help us understand this. The gap between his memories and others is filled with doubt. What really happened to him is unclear. In relationships--outside of his with Gerri--he operates on a totally superficial level. He starts with Grace, discards her once she displeases him, trades her in for Tabitha--who incidentally looks very similar to her predecessor, something that is worth noting--and connects to her better than he did with Grace, but ultimately finds her boring. He doesn’t connect with his father, can’t connect with his siblings, and suddenly finds himself in a relationship with an older, more experienced human being who is more sure of who she is than he is. Roman’s awkward fumbling, his sexual come ons, his propositions of marriage, and his jealousy when she begins dating Laurie are all new ground to him. He’s never connected with someone like he does with Gerri, and he wants to hold on to her but can’t do the obvious thing and simply sit her down and tell her how he feels--like a functioning adult would. That he cares about her is undoubtable. But he has no clue what to do with that. So he does what he knows, he goads her, hears her turn him down, and thinks that it’s part of the game they’ve been playing. To be fair, Gerri has been a willing participant in this game. She’s never turned away from their sexual encounters, wanted him to stay with her when he could’ve jumped ship and gone to Kendall’s side, been sorry when she hurt his feelings and made a show of her apology (a very significant, underappreciated moment, considering the whole of her character). She’s a contributor to his confusion because of this. Their union has been set on a foundation of crass behavior: Gerri dominates him in the bedroom, talks down on him, and Roman responds by being turned on. So when he later tells her that he can’t tell what she wants, he’s being honest. This season has seen fans of Gerri and Roman waffle about who wants who, and it’s always been hard to decide. One moment contradicts the next, affirms the one before it. It’s interesting that, although Gerri comes to Italy with Laurie in tow, he’s not really seen by the audience. He doesn’t have more than one line, and is a footnote in the episode, hinting that maybe he’s a footnote in her life. She expends more time and energy on Roman during the excursion. Later, during the final moments of the show, when Roman is questioned by Logan, we see him do something uncharacteristic, for any of the kids. He goes to leave when he’s dismissed, and then stops, telling his dad, “I think perhaps we should not fire her for receiving pictures of my dick.” He asks his father, “So, like, what happens now?” He’s concerned. Roman understands, clearly, that he made a mistake. He knows Gerri shouldn’t be blamed for his actions, and he’s obviously nervous that this one moment of poor judgement will be the end of their time together. When Logan says Gerri is, “a million years old”, he’s obviously contradicting himself, given his romantic engagements, and also borrowing from what Shiv said beforehand. It’s a peek into the societal lens that finds accepting an older woman with a younger man difficult. It’s also a peek into the familiar, contradictory nature of parents, who sometimes say one thing and do another. Logan is replete with contradictions, like anyone else on the show. The way Shiv approaches the situation is no shock. I’ve said before her knowing about Gerri and Roman was the worst thing that could happen, and this much has proven true. Shiv’s only concern is, as usual, for herself. She’s totally self-absorbed, indifferent to the delicacy of the situation, and evinces no concern for either Gerri or her brother. She sees an opening and takes a shot she’s been waiting for take for months. When she tells Tom earlier in the episode, “I may not love you, but I do love you” she means it. Shiv doesn’t love anyone or anything more than herself. She feels love as deeply as the mother she despises: in a totally superficial, inconsequential way. It’s never deep enough that she wouldn’t hurt you. Gerri, of course, is smart enough to know this. She knows Shiv. She knows the Roys. She also doesn’t want to hurt Roman. She easily could have thrown him under the bus, filed a complaint, and been done with him. But she didn’t want to. And Roman didn’t turn on her either. They defended each other, even when they were separated from each other. In a show scant on morals and any real displays of character, this moment certainly was one, as much as Gerri and Roman have any character. There are so many shades of grey in this situation that one could wax poetic on it for forever, but one can only talk so long. In the end, what’s next for them is as big a concern as what just happened, and the future is, to be frank, fairly bleak. This moment both puts Roman and Gerri on the same side but also equally divides them. It’s the perfect thorn in the side of an otherwise amiable partnership. There is an equal chance they will turn on one another as there is that they will hold on to each other to survive. So far, they’ve held to one another, remaining faithful even as other relationships crumbled. There are two answers to the dilemma they’re in: fake a relationship, or screw each other over. Roman and Gerri have always been outliers in that, while other people knifed each other, they stood by one another. The big question is: will they do that now that the chips are down on their table?

#gerri/roman #gerri x roman #gerri kellman #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts

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eatspiderss · 4 years

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Most the tma fandoms general opinions on the characters (by someone who has only been in the fandom for a week or two):

Jon: everyone loves Jon, ace king :) (also monster Jon rights)

Martin: very good, very cute, very gay, a fan favorite

Tim: I hope he's enjoying his kayaking trip :(

Sasha: Talanted, brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopper, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before

Elias: you either love him or hate him

Peter: bi- big- big boy man

Gertrude: cool grandma 😎

Gerry: punk icon, cool grandson (kinda) 😎

Michael: love him <3

Basira: a queen absolutely iconic

Daisy: y'all are a bunch of simps for her but like same

Jude: (see Daisy)

Annabelle: (see Jude)

Helen: she's on that queen shit, no choice but to stan

Simon: I am honestly still unsure about this one but I usually see good things about him

The umbrella: disgusting, you're just like your father, we hate you, you useless filthy piece of junk

Georgie: Spooktacular we love her but please save her from those damn sponsorships

Melanie: knife wife, slaughter queen

Agnes: hot fire wife very pretty an absolute icon also Jude liked her so clearly she's top tier

Lietner: like with Elias you either love him or hate him and if you hate him you definitely stan Gerry

Breekon and Hope: idk about y'all but I actually liked them and Breekons statement was really sad :((

Jane Prentiss: you are either scared of her or you think she's a hot worm lady (idk why y'all think worms are attractive but thats not my problem)

Jonah Magnus: idk what y'all think but someone called him a Victorian dandy on his wiki so like that's neat

Alright I think that's all if there's more tell me which ones and maybe I'll do more

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beholdme · 3 years

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All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 9

Chapters: 9/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

On a Tuesday in the middle of November, not long after Gerry's 28th birthday, the three of them eat dinner at Gerry's flat, as they often do these days. Jon cooks for them and after, Martin and Gerry wash the dishes and debate the book they both just finished reading.

Jon has been twitchy all evening, so they leave him to read his own book in peace.

He wanders in at one point, leaning against the counter. "Gerry, do you know what day it is?"

Gerry looks over at him in such a way as to indicate that he really doesn't.

"Our six-month anniversary?" He tries.

"No," Martin pipes up, "That's not for weeks yet."

Jon and Gerry both look at him askance. "What? Your boyfriend starts dating another man, you remember the date. I can't believe you two don't know." Martin says as if that about covers it.

"Nevermind that." Jon snaps, and even with his previous moodiness, the others are taken aback at his blunt words and even harsher tone.

"Something wrong, Jon?" Gerry asks quietly, leaning against the opposite counter to Jon and crossing his arms. His tone suggests what he actually wanted to say was 'Do we have a problem here, bitch?' but he manages to reign the actual words in.

"I want to know why you left without saying goodbye." Jon's words are filled with a multitude of frustrations, none of which are actually conveyed in his limited words.

"Yesterday?" Gerry asks, incredulous. "You were asleep!"

"No! Not yesterday." Jon snaps back. "When we were younger. It's been ten years today since you disappeared off the face of the planet."

"Oh," Gerry responds quietly, his defensive posture dropping. He leans his hands back on the table behind him, bringing his shoulders up around his ears. It’s a rare display of confident, edgy Gerry trying to shrink himself.

"I thought we were, you know. Together. Then one day you were just gone! As if you had never existed. Your mother wouldn't tell me anything at all, just sat there smirking at me, said that you were gone and she didn't know when you were coming back, or if you were ever coming back. Which you never did, actually." Jon has been pacing, his voice rising with each new word until the final words are shouted accusatorily into the space between them.

Gerry knew Jon had wanted to talk about this since the day he walked in the library and back into his life. He had waited, been patient, and Gerry had put it off in the hopes that he would never have to choke the words out. Now, that patience was obviously over, and he knew he owed Jon this explanation.

"We were together Jon. I loved you."

"So why? What did I do so wrong, that I got to wake up one day and find you gone ?" Jon's voice has become desperate, and they can all hear the tears that he is trying to hold back.

"Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong. We weren't perfect, but we were always so good together. I... I had to get out of there. And I couldn't leave any clues behind, so I couldn't tell you anything, because it wouldn't have been safe for either of us." Gerry reaches towards Jon to soothe him, but he flinches away and Gerry doesn't pursue him.

"I don't understand." The tears have come, and Gerry desperately tries to hold back his own when he sees them.

Martin had up until that point been standing resolutely in the corner, trying not to interfere in their pre-Martin argument. At the advent of tears, Martin moves to stand at Jon's back, gripping his shoulder for comfort. Gerry looks bereft and Martin holds out a hand to get him to come closer as well. They huddle all together, both Jon and Gerry taking comfort in Martin's steadiness.

Gerry leans into Jon, sliding his hand around his neck and pressing their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry, love. I've never forgiven myself for just disappearing on you. I thought about you every day."

"I love you," Jon whispers as Martin rocks them both gently. "But I need to know."

"I love you too." Gerry shuts his eyes and wishes more than ever to erase his shitty legacy of pain and blood.

Martin drags them to bed and offers to leave them alone to their talk.

"Please stay," Gerry says, grasping his hand. "You both need to know, and I don't want to have to talk through this twice."

So they all pile into Gerry's bed together, sitting in a vague circle like teenagers at a slumber party.

As Gerry starts to talk, Martin drags him over toward him and begins braiding his dark blue hair. It's both an offer of physical comfort and affection (easily Gerry's main love language) and a simple way of letting him off the hook for eye contact.

With Jon staring at him quite intently, Martin doesn't think he needs any further pressure.

"Jon, you-" He starts and then halts abruptly. Jon reaches over and grasps his hand, attempting to further ground him. "You remember my mother. I know you saw how, how just off she was. Manipulative and controlling. By turns demanding and completely uninterested in me. One day I would be free to run wild for weeks at a time, the next she would have a meltdown if I wasn't exactly where she wanted me, every second of the day and night." Gerry blows a breath out, shuddering at the memory of a particularly bad incident with a vase that had left him needing several stitches over his left eye.

"Well, she wasn't always like that. I remember her being a pretty good mom when I was young, if distant. She was always far more interested in being a wife than a mother, and she loved the way my father adored her.

“When I was 7, my father was blinded in an accident at work. I remember the day the phone call came. She spoke very calmly to the hospital, before hanging up the phone and shattering every picture frame in the house." Martin is finished with Gerry's hair and simply leans into him, offering silent comfort. "He coped okay with his new disability actually, and I liked helping him learn the world again with no sight. My mother never recovered from her initial breakdown though. She was angry and petulant that she needed to help and support him for the first time in their entire relationship and became more and more unhinged over the course of a year.

"One day I came home from school to find a puddle of blood soaked into the floor of the living room. She said there had been an accident and my father wasn't coming back. She hit me for the first time when I cried. She told me that I was a man now, and tears were for useless girls and disgusting… Well, you get the picture."

Gerry pauses and glances between them. A few tears have started to run down his face, but he doesn't seem to even notice them.

"We moved a few days later, and that was all I ever knew about my father's death until I was eighteen, almost ten years later. I'll spare you the horrid details, but as I'm sure you've already guessed, she murdered him. She explained very, very graphically what she had done with the body, and that she would never be caught, no one would ever think to blame her, even if anyone could ever prove that he was dead at all."

The words hang heavy in the air between the three of them. Gerry feels the comfort of their touches, but can hardly stand the affection anymore. He gets up off the bed and goes to look out the bedroom window, arms crossed and posture hard.

"Then she looked me right in the eye. And she told me that was exactly what would happen to Jon if she ever caught me with him again."

Dead, cold silence fills the room.

Gerry turns back around to find them both watching him. "So, I packed whatever I could fit into my duffle bag, and I got the hell out of dodge. I ran. I ran because I couldn't close my eyes at night with seeing your face white and cold and covered in blood and," he breaks off and takes a shuddering breath, covering his eyes and sinking to his knees. "And I couldn't stand that she would hurt you because of me. That all your light and potential would be ripped away from you in blood and pain and nothing I felt for you could make even the risk of that worthwhile."

He lifts his head to look up at them, where they’ve moved to the side of the bed towards him. “And do you want to know what the worst part is, actually? I can’t get over the idea that even though I haven’t seen Mary Keay in 10 years, the ghost of her demons lives inside of me. That I'm really just… Her. That one day my mind will snap and I'll be a danger to you both and I'll be the one hurting you, just like she hurt him. And then I'll just be the same monster who has always haunted my dreams."

Martin and Jon exchange a heavy look. They can scarcely believe that Gerry had endured so much and yet is still… Gerry. Happy, flirtatious, loving Gerry. Gerry, who fills their lives with colour and spontaneity, always showing up when they least expected him, pushing himself into their gravity and asking for space in their lives.

Despite the rather violent nature of Gerry's confession, it doesn't change anything for either of them. Things are not yet settled between them, but they curl around Gerry on the floor and they cry together over shattered innocence and sacrificed futures, and Jon promises himself that he will never let Mary Keay come between him and Gerry ever again.

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #fic #also on ao3

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