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1427 · 2 months

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When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul.

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan.

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was.

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that.

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er.

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do.

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever.

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im.

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one.

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But…

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest.

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia.

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle.

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it.

“I like you, Dar.”

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time.

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.”

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.”

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time.

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night.

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did.

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me.

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this.

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?” She smiles.

“Good.” I clarify.

“Good.”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.”

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once.

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.”

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?”

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what? she just laughs.

Shit.

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’.

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it. She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived.

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated. And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three.

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that.

How didn’t I see it?

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things.

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit.

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse.

‘Til the walkers hear me.

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else.

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia.

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it.

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more.

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it.

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all.

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.”

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me.

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.”

“Stop callin’ me tha’.”

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.”

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.”

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh.

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t.

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.”

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?”

She did come back.

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question.

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it.

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know.

“Think it was more the other thing you said.”

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper.

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.”

What? “Why not?”

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.”

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again.

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it.

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon imagine

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 months

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Hirogaru Sky Final Impressions (5/5)

Honestly, what were they going to do with those two weeks after 48 episodes? Have us wait until WonPre's broadcast? Yea right, lol

So the 20th installment of Precure is now officially finished and it feels both great and a little bit sad to say that since the bar has been readjusted quite high, we will probably need the 25th anniversary to get another season as awesome and well-written as HiroPre. [/harsh]

But that will be for something to worry about in the next five years.

So first, that finale!

Pretty much 5(ish) of the 6 last episodes was a whole arc dedicated to the most engaging lore Precure has ever given us to date.

Cure Noble is definitely entering the league of legacy Cures and perhaps as the one with the best story as well. How she went from princess-sovereign to becoming the very first Precure (in this universe, anyways) to helping pave a way for peace with her nemesis to laying out the foundation for the Cures who will succeed her in the future.

Yeap, Ellee-chan may have gotten a nice age-up bonus so that we can see her embrace her destiny and actually converse in something other than baby talk.

But it's more accurate to say that Ellee-chan/Cure Majesty's character arc is really Princess Elleelain/Cure Noble's instead.

Which is totally fine with me. Not only was Elleelain super interesting as a hero/protagonist in her own era but Kaiserin was...dear god.

Dear god, when have we gotten a twist that was this good and this dark by the series' standards? I felt we haven't touched this level of grim writing since Heartcatch and that was my first Precure season ever.

But seriously, it's impossible not to sympathize with Kaiserin and appreciate how much she contributed to the plot as well as this season's message that power is not what makes a hero, but the strength of one's heart that does.

Even her traitorous tutor, Skearhead, said she had what it took to become a hero (and maybe even Precure? oooh~), which just makes her fall into darkness more tragic.

But thankfully, she never lost her kindness and compassion, which was what ultimately allowed her to not only be saved but her wounds to finally heal after hundreds of years of suffering from the pain of betrayal Skearhead had inflicted on her.

And that her generals, who all turned over a new leaf, came back to the Undergu Empire to loyally serve her and make sure she isn't alone...

Good! This is so satisfying, I couldn't have asked for anything better! Kaiserin deserves her happiness after all she's been through!

But of course, that's not all because no Precure finale is complete without the last episodes dishing out the best combat scenes of the entire season and did it deliver, alright.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-HUH!

The animation was absolutely stellar and not so overdone that it'd look more gaudy than cool. coughDeliPaPrecough

Moreover, the teamwork is what really sold the animation. As it should because Precure is all about that team effort brought on by personal growth, not a one-man show.

I loved how Wing, representing wisdom, was the one everyone trusted to get that barrier back up because it is a mechanism that he researched and developed to help everyone. It proves that boys don't need to fit into a specific mold of masculinity or genius to be a hero because in the end, those things don't matter. It's being true to yourself, your beliefs and your dreams and what you choose to do with those abilities that counts.

I loved how Butterfly, who is physically the strongest in the group, always takes on the tougher tasks such as facing the army of tedious mooks to let those younger than her forge a path ahead. She never forgets her responsibility as an adult to protect the kids but she also encourages them to move forward because she fully believes in them like a good adult would.

I loved how Majesty comes to understand that though she's meant to inherit Cure Noble's will and power and position as Skyland's princess, it's not her destiny to inherit Elleelain's loneliness. And the whole reason that she started out as a baby but was able to grow and become Precure was because she was surrounded by the right people who brought out that potential in her. For Ellee-chan, being with her friends and fighting alongside them was the bigger, more important destiny than her duty was.

Finally, the star duo of the show.

Sky was given stronger MC vibes than the other cast members but you can't deny that she wouldn't have gotten this far without Prism by her side.

Sora's idea of what it means to be hero expanded a lot because she became friends with Mashiro.

She has come to treasure Mashiro so much that when she was on the brink of losing her best friend, she let Skearhead corrupt her in order to have enough power to save that best friend. She was willing to sacrifice herself for someone important to her, which in a way, can be seen as an act of heroism (but only as a last resort, plz do not attempt).

And even then, Sky kept resisting from being taken over. Prism didn't even flinch when Sky aimed a punch at her. That's how much Mashiro believes in Sora, in the hero that Sora is. That even if Sora accepted darkness into herself to do the right thing, she won't ever let that darkness consume her into doing the wrong thing.

And the fact that it was Prism who had the ability to not only purify Sky but also heal Kaiserin's centuries-old wound. She's come a long way herself from the girl who used to think she was talentless, who didn't believe she had anything special going for her.

"You are good as you are now, Mashiro-san."

What Sora said was true until the very end. Mashiro didn't ever need to change. She was already good enough and she was always going to become even better than how she started out because she was always being inspired and supported by those around her and challenging herself to do things she initially hesitated on doing.

Now she's continually drawing new stories, even winning an award for one. Even her Prism Shot evolved and multiplied as an attack and it's all because she learned to believe in herself because all her friends believed in her.

This is essentially what sets Precure apart from the others, what makes it the major name it is in modern day mahou shoujo.

I cannot begin to describe how glad I am that the staff at Toei reinforced those aspects of friendship as well as the celebration of individualism in a milestone year. But I can definitely say with confidence that we can expect to see more well into the franchise's 30th anniversary as long they don't forget these two very crucial things.

As for me, I think this will be the last time I blog Precure on a "regular" basis.

I'll still continue to watch cuz hey, there's no reason for me to stop yet.

(and all the more reason to not stop if Satoru and Daifuku become the next two male Cures in WonPre OMGI'MSOGONNAJINXTHISAREN'TIBWUAHAHAHAHA!!!)

But my priorities have shifted so I gotta tend to those foremost. And as much as I enjoy the show, I feel like I'm always saying the same stuff over and over again anyway, just in different variations of it.

(also, something about WonPre tells me the next four years will be filled with hit-or-miss seasons so meh, I'd rather just follow it leisurely than get too invested and then disappointed)

On another note, I do have some personal rankings that I'd like to post some day. I was going to do it for the 20th anniversary but didn't have time to cuz life got way too hectic and busy but yea, eventually I'll have them up.

Just for fun, y'know.

Ok, that is all.

Thank you, my hero girls and boy! You made this season so wonderful hahahaha, good luck, WonPre for me and I can't be grateful enough for it.

Thank you for a beautiful anniversary! Let's aim for the next!

25th year with 100+ Precure!

Let's gooooooooooooo!!!

#hirogaru sky precure #cure sky #cure prism #cure wing #cure butterfly #cure majesty

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tideswept · 4 months

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Making Of Monday (TMA/SW + Obikin)

A look into the writing process - “how it’s made” for fics (for more on what it means see this post here)

So this first MOM is an interesting one! It's for and inspired by @sweet-cynic during our meandering conversations about horror and eldritch things and TMA and Obikin and of course they all fused and it's like, yeah, we're doing this baby!

Granted, that's not normally how the process goes for me. I'm usually a solitary kind of writer. But it's good to talk with people! Throw silly ideas at each other. Sometimes one of them sticks. Like a magnetized bowling ball.

In this case the catnip quotent is high. I don't want to divulge too much ahead of time (even though I've gushed to way too many people about it already lol) but there's a fascinating element of inherent otherness to Anakin that I love to see explored, and this is a good fic to play around with that.

And Obi-Wan, good god, Obi-Wan, canon-wise and in this fic--he's handed this walking nuclear bomb and he still only sees Anakin (always only eyes for Anakin) to the point that he doesn't see other things as clearly. Things that alarm others.

Did I mention we're flirting with horror? We're flirting with horror. ;)

Horror is... hm. Honestly? I never thought I'd vibe so hard with writing horror. But there's something fascinating about it that I find exposes characters in ways that are fascinating. So I like to, if it's feasible, Put the Blorbos in Situations and then sit back and watch what happens. But it has to be the right idea. I do think Star Wars has some intrinsic elements that make it horror-friendly, but it's certainly not usually the focus and therefore, I like to tread carefully, wait until the perfect reason comes along, rather than manufacturing one. (Good on writers who can do this! alas, I am weak.)

So. Idea. Where does it go from there? It goes to "I don't know what I'm doing but the vibe is right, LET'S GO" and I zoom over to Google Drive. (I know, I know, there are better programs out there, but I'm just... so used to it.) I try to keep the main page of Drive neat, with only the things I'm actively working on being listed. Which, yeah, sometimes can mean up to 5 WIPs, but once I hit that number of active WIPs I put the pause on everything until something clears out, like a queue. Otherwise it really starts to feel... oppressive.

And writing can be difficult for a lot of reasons, but it should never feel oppressive. It should bring joy even when you're clenching your teeth and muttering darkly about characters being assholes and not doing what you want, or having to rewrite entire scenes because they don't work anymore.

Actually, I have a confession; I used to never edit. Like. Ever. It bored me. My brain would say, scene done, moving on, there's no looking back. And honestly that was fine for how I felt at the time. But I'm glad I've learned to edit, to line edit, to accept with begrudging grace that oftentimes I do have to kill my darlings.

It's for the better. Even though I was kicking and screaming about it like a baby for the longest time.

(Maturity? Don't know her.)

#making of monday

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hils79 · 9 months

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Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 40

It doesn't feel like 5 minutes ago that I started this drama. It's so very bingeable.

It's been a real journey. None of this has been what I expected beyond the very basic concept of 'it's a drama about esports'. There have been so many wonderful surprises. There are characters that I hated that I now love, characters that I loved that I now love even more, and more ships than I ever expected to ship.

While I'm at it I want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has popped up in the replies to my posts or in my asks to either answer my questions or just yell about their favourite characters. I can tell this drama (and the novel and donghua) are so well loved and liveblogging this has really felt like a community experience. Thank you for not laughing at all the stuff I got wrong and for not making fun of me for shipping everyone. It's really been so wonderful and I almost don't want to press play on the final episode because I don't want it to be over.

But I need to see what happens so let's go!

Ah, okay. I misunderstood what happened at the end of the last episode. I thought they'd lost the game but no they could still win they just didn't have enough points to win the championship.

Is there going to be some loophole like the whole 'oh the ref's watch broke so actually you won'

HAHA! I fucking knew it! They got an extra two points for beating a league record. Because apparently that is a rule that has never been mentioned until now.

Eh, whatever. There was a nice moment with the fans before the found out they'd won

Ye Xiu finally gets the hug that he's needed since episode 1

Good lord how is there 30 minutes left? What's going to happen now that they've won?

God I hope Sun Xiang punches him

Except of course he won't because he's all grown up now. Also, typically it's the coaches/managers that get fired when a team does badly. I hope he gets booted

Love Shaotian dragging Wenzhou to his feet so he can cheer

Remember when their entire fanbase was just this guy. I'm definitely not crying at all

Look at that little half smile. He's grown so much considering they only lost on a technicality. I do think he's at least a little bit happy for Ye Xiu as the better player (for now)

GDI I can't believe I'm crying over Sun Xiang AGAIN

LOL remember when I thought he was going to be the antagonist of the drama when I watched the first episode. How wrong I was

Haha yes let's have a little joke about the time when I nearly banned you for life in the middle of an important game and caused your team to lose as a result

I have in no way been thinking about writing some King's Avatar fic with one based on the fact that Ye Xiu passes out after one drink

HAHA! Mo Fan pretended to pass out too so he doesn't have to talk to anyone. He is such a mood

Oh shit! I did not see that coming!

Oh no he looks so sad to see his former team like this, and it's understandable. He built that team from the ground up and put so much time and work into making them the legends they were

Yes, good. Baozi is cuddling one of his boyfriends as he should

Ah, yay, I'd forgotten about the team graphic. Time to add one more person right before the end

And finished! That was wonderful! Definitely in my top 5 dramas that I've watched this year. Might even be the number one, actually. I definitely should have watched that years ago when people first told me to give it a try. But, you know, I firmly believe you find things when you were meant to find them. Now was good.

I'll be starting a new drama tomorrow. If you were just here for my King's Avatar posts it's been lovely to have you. If you're sticking around for other liveblogs I'll see you tomorrow for more yelling :D

#hils watches #hils watches the king's avatar #hils watches cdramas #the king's avatar #cdrama

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abovetherainandroses · 5 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Storm here! 🌩 Tysm for the tag @27-royal-teas! <3 I haven't done a tumblr meme thing in forever! And I don't really have any friends on this blog so I don't have anyone to tag, but if you're a writer who follows me, consider yourself tagged! (And also come be my friend)

This got long! I talk too much! Answers are below the cut!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So I have two accounts lol, because for some reason I decided to make a separate RPF account even though I have other embarrassing things on main account anyway?? Anyway, I currently have 100 fics on my main and 5 on my RPF account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Across both accounts, 379,693 words for an average of 3.6k per fic. Longfic? I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I usually write for one fandom at a time, but I will revisit/cycle through fandoms. Currently it's Fall Out Boy. Previously, I was writing some MCU stuff (mostly Spider-Man). Also wrote a handful of Good Omens stuff back when S1 came out. I have the most fics posted for Haikyuu (volleyball manga/anime) lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oops I only have 5 fics so far on my RPF account and I'm still debating whether I want this account directly linked to my main.

But I will take this opportunity to tell anyone who needs it not to put too much stock into kudos!! Kudos count relies on a lot of factors, but a big two are fandom/ship size and when you post the fic relative to the height of the fandom's activity. (Getting in early with a fic right after a new movie/season/etc. comes out so you're one of the first fics for the New Thing can be huge too.)

External validation is obviously very nice but if you rely too much on it, you're not gonna have a good time.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Comments make my entire life and I always want to respond to them, but I inevitably fall off because the brain energy isn't there, and I keep putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off, and then it feels too late. But seeing as I only have 5 fics on my RPF account, I recently went and responded to everything, even if it was years late. In the past few weeks I've actually gotten responses to some comments I left on fics like 3 years ago so it inspired me, haha.

I myself am not always good at leaving comments (continuous goal to get better at it), so I really appreciate the people who take the time to leave kind comments for me and I want to express that appreciation.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write angsty fic... I'm too softhearted. That said, I have made a few forays into angst, but Your Mileage May Vary on which one is the angstiest. Is it the major character death? Is it the one where they're soulmates with the last words they'll say to each other written on their skin, and in the end it's not death that separates them, but their own inability to have a functional relationship with each other?

Or is it the one I didn't even think was super angsty and tagged "bittersweet ending" but then it made a bunch of people cry? I'm still like "...my bad" about that one lmao.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fluff is my lifeblood and almost all of my fics have a happy ending. I couldn't tell you which was the happiest, haha. Again, I'm incredibly softhearted, and also a big sap. I cannot deny this!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thinking very hard... I have been posting fic for............. several years so it is possible I am forgetting something but nothing comes to mind! I have always felt too relatively unknown for haters, which is just fine by me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

"What kind" lol. What does that even mean. Listen, my kink is holding hands during sex and being ❤️ in love ❤️ (I mentioned I'm a softhearted sap, right??)

Sometimes I might explore some light kink but nothing too hardcore imo.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Again, I've been writing/posting fic for several years, so I could be forgetting something, but I don't remember ever writing a true crossover. Though in my personal definition of fandom terms, crossover = characters from fandom A meet characters from fandom B. I have written a few fusion AUs in my time (characters from fandom A existing in the world of fandom B), which you could say falls under the crossover umbrella. For example, I've written Kingdom Hearts characters in a Pacific Rim AU and Haikyuu characters in Dragon Age AU.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though I did once see (this was a SUPER long time ago) someone repost my fic on tumblr the same day I posted it on FFN, even though I also posted the full text of the fic on tumblr myself. They credited my FFN account, at least, but like. Hey. Don't do that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had some fics translated into various languages! It's definitely an honor that people want to share some of my stuff in other languages and take the time to do that translation work. I try to ask people keep translations on AO3 but it hasn't always succeeded so there are some translations of my works floating around on foreign language fic sites... Ah well.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I successfully co-wrote one (1) fic with one of my friends years ago. I've tried a few other times to co-write fics (including with the same person) but none of them ever finished... Co-writing fic is hard! Idk how to do it effectively. I've done a handful of fic/art collabs with my wife though!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't know that I have a single all-time favorite ship, but Peterick is definitely the current fave. I........ adore them. So much.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Listen, I am a hoarder of WIPs and a clinger to delusions that they will one day be finished. But okay, one of my peterick WIPs from 2016-2017 that I really liked but highly doubt I'll ever finish is a no-band, dating show AU where Pete is the eligible bachelor on a queer offshoot of the Bachelor/Bachelorette and Patrick (through machinations by Joe) ends up as a contestant on the show. Patrick is camera shy and does not want to be there, but he made a deal with Joe to stay til he was eliminated. Pete, who just went through a public and messy divorce with Ashlee, does not want to be there, but he was guilt-tripped into using his moderate fame to help bring viewership to the underfunded little queer show.

Pete finds out Patrick never wanted to be there in the first place and offers to eliminate Patrick. I will copy/paste the next bit from my gdoc:

"[...] pete’s like what if…i didn’t eliminate you and we just stayed friends and hung out and stuff and patrick finds himself agreeing bc pete’s a really nice dude and they have a lot of interests in common

But then Patrick keeps sticking around through the weeks and Patrick and Pete fall in love and both end up having separate private crises because they agreed to be friends. Patrick sees Pete spending time with other candidates and clearly being attracted to them and it sucks because now Patrick is in love with Pete and Pete isn’t considering him at all. Meanwhile Pete is having a good time with the other candidates and sure there’s lust there and even some like but he can’t stop thinking about how perfect Patrick is for him except for oh wait Patrick doesn’t even want to BE here and Pete was the one who convinced him to stay and now he’s fucking in love with him."

Blah blah blah, stuff happens, Pete eliminates Patrick in the last few weeks then when he has to make the choice between the final two candidates, calls Patrick and confesses to him instead, blah blah blah, happy ending.

Anyway. I wrote 11k of that fic and I was about 1/3 of the way through. It will never be finished. But now I've told you all about it and that's good enough, right?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Internal narration and emotions. Tightly focused fics that span 1-3 scenes. Spelling and grammar.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic or fic with several scenes that take place over an extended stretch of time. Related to that, coming up with external plot events rather than just internal conflict HAHA. Describing the setting/environment so the characters don't just exist in a nebulous empty space.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As with most of my preferences re: fic, it depends on the execution. It can feel clunky and maybe even cringey, or it can feel natural and realistic. Just be intentional about how you're using it. Also, it always helps if you know a fluent speaker who can review it for you but understandably you may not always have someone like that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior... cats...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is impossible to answer hahahaha. Certainly if we look at my main AO3. But if we're looking at my grand total of 5 (as of yet) RPF fics, I can say that I'm still quite fond of get us right (quitters never win), a fob AU fic where everything is the same but they all have minor superpowers, featuring empath!Patrick and telepath!Pete.

Aaaaand we are done! If you got this far, I am giving you cookies.

#why do i talk so much #storm talks #genuinely feel like i owe anyone who reads all my rambling something #come talk to me about peterick and give me fic prompts or something

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die-mitri · 1 year

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Some Pre-DvK2 Bakugou Analysis!

Word count: ~4,100 (sorry lol, TL;DR at bottom)

Reading time: ~15 minutes

Note: I made lots of words bold, italicized, or colored and with a lot of paragraph breaks to make this more readable for the bitches with ADHD out there. I see y'all and I can't read either. Sorry if this makes it harder to read for others 🤷🏽

I'm in the process of trying to start a bkdk fanfic and make it as in-character as possible by trying to relate to the characters and get in their heads. While I relate heavily to Bakugou, he's also a character that's very hard to understand.

What I mean is that I relate to a lot of Bakugou's base instincts and thought patterns, but the things he gets upset about in-canon make little sense to me. To try to get into his head I've had to do a deep dive on myself and all the things I've been upset about in a similar way he has been, as well as to understand why I've felt justified acting so similar to him. Considering most people act in ways they feel justified in, I need to analyze what about Izuku would make me so bothered by him, that I would treat him the way Bakugou does. If I can tap into that feeling and try to distort my thinking and apply it to his specific situation, then I’ll have an easier time writing this mostly canon-compliant fic.

I'm gonna use myself as a reference for his behavior and will be talking about a time when I was much a worse person. I've since grown a lot and realized how wrong I was, so please keep that in mind and try not to judge 12-15 year old me too harshly. The stories I use will have fake names for the people involved to help you keep track of them.

None of this is meant to justify the way Bakugou treated Izuku, and is only meant to try to understand why he did it in a more relatable/realistic, less anime-dramatic nonsense way. Mostly, so I can replicate his thought process for accurate fic writing.

I'm gonna address this analysis in 5 different bits: fear, anger, pride/shame, building a persona, and the conclusion.

Let's go!

FEAR!

Bakugou struggles with being seen as weak/incapable. It's DIFFERENT from his superiority complex... Although connected.

It's my belief (backed up by canon) that Bakugou's relationship with his mom has affected his perception of strength and worth; and that because of her, he's attached his identity to his strength, which he felt made him more secure and better than other people. To be weak, is to be pathetic, is to be humiliated. To be clear, I don't think he did this consciously. It was just that kind of thing that seeped into the way he thought and because of it, he tried to fortify himself against any and all vulnerability. Which leads to the bullying/ “Better to hunt than be hunted” mentality. As well as his black and white thinking. If his way is right, everyone else’s must be wrong and anything that challenges his limited world view is a threat to his very being. If his strength doesn’t matter, or isn’t the best, then who is he? That’s a scary thought to me too.

It's a similar story with me, just switch the parent. My dad is a man of principle and one of his principles is that you should not be a pussy and always be the smartest person in the room. I attached my identity to being right all the time and always standing my ground. I’m sure you can guess how fun I was at parties.

So I refused to let others see when I'd actually been hurt and hated the idea of being seen as pathetic or weak. I also couldn't accept that I needed help sometimes. I wanted to be unshakable and plow through everything.

A ridiculous outcome of that, is that I used to hate apologies in any direction. "Don't apologize to me, I don't need your help getting over this. I won't apologize to you bc that means I was thinking about feeling bad about what I did and you can't know that."

In truth, I didn't mind being wrong, just looking like I cared.

That’s the heart of it. I cared a lot less about the values I had, and a lot more about how scared I was to be seen not fulfilling them. It’s embarrassing.

Another, much stupider example of this in my life is that I hate being babied. Even by people who look up to me or respect me as equals.

Once at summer camp I had some friends fuss over me about something. I can't even remember what it was anymore, probably wearing sunscreen. I just got so upset. I was like "I'm not a fucking kid, I can take care of myself. Don't try to help me bc there's no reason I'd ever need help." In retrospect it was seriously not a big deal, and they're both friends that I love dearly, but my own issues with having people take care of me got in the way of me perceiving their affection like a normal human being.

Bakugou is the same about needing help and would rather die/lose than be seen as pathetic/vulnerable. Like he said during their dual exam that not even having the choice to destroy himself in order to have control win would be unbearable. If his strength isn’t enough on its own, then he is not enough.

I think this particular issue is made worse by his poor impulse control in regards to Izuku... (With everything else, he's very calculated, which I talk about more in the "creating a persona" section).

In general, I think Bakugou is just very scared/uneasy about his place in the world (that he’s not enough or that he’s been wrong the whole time [see: kacchan vs deku part 2]) and he covers it up with…:

ANGER!

Bakugou doesn't have a hard time not just being mean, but being cruel. There's little hesitation in going for the throat when it comes to insults and mind games. The same goes for me BUT only when I really dislike someone.

There was one time I was mean to some kid who was weird and pushy with me because he thought I was cool. He was not a bad guy, he just couldn't take a hint and wouldn't leave me alone. Let’s call him Liam. One day Liam made some joke and no one in class laughed. He said something like "tough crowd", and without hesitation I told him he just wasn't funny. It's not exactly bullying, but he probably felt bad about that for a bit.

It was mean tho, right? I did it cuz at the time I just wanted Liam to dislike me enough that he'd leave me alone. Sounds familiar, huh?

It was not the first or last time I acted like that. I want to highlight that I did these things feeling justified (even though I probably wasn't), which is the key component to understanding why Bakugou was so mean to Izuku in the beginning. It wasn't so much about power, as it was about getting Izuku to leave him alone for good. To get somewhere he didn't have to worry about being bothered by him ever again and follow his dream at the same time. You know, like UA? The last possible place you'd find someone without a quirk?

I think it needs to be made INCREDIBLY clear that Bakugou sees Izuku as a fundamentally different person than we, the fandom, do.

To him, Izuku was some weirdo who wouldn't leave him alone, made him feel nervous/stupid, was generally uncool and annoying, and acted like he was better than him. (let’s not forget that Izuku was quite the stalker for a while??) It doesn't matter how wrong Bakugou was, Izuku still made him feel that way and that's a good enough reason to try to get someone to leave you the fuck alone. I know I would. I mean I literally have.

There were multiple kids at my school who freaked me out/ made me uncomfortable and I wasted no time in getting them to fuck off as quickly as possible. I'm sure most of us have similar stories and definitely seemed like one of the bad guys from their point of view. (Especially given that a lot of these annoying kids were probably well-intentioned and just made you uncomfortable)

The following stories are unnecessary to understand my point, but I just wanted to tell them. Feel free to skip over it.

There was one kid in my grade who was around me a lot. Let’s call him Isaac. We walked home the same way and had a few classes together. There were two times I remember getting annoyed enough with him to actually snap at him.

One time was when Isaac tried to hide behind me in a gym class during dodgeball and he touched my shoulder or something. So I turned around and shoved him to the ground and told him not to touch me. He slid on his ass for a sec. I'm sure he was a bit embarrassed and looking back, it was mean. I could have just asked him not to do that politely.

The other time I remember, we were in science class and we were always sat at the same table because the teacher said I was best at handling the "annoying kids" (which is kinda a crazy thing to say to another student). Regardless, Isaac wouldn't stop talking and just overall bothering me. I might be misremembering this part, but I'm pretty sure he had come behind my chair and touched my shoulders again. So I got up and yelled at him. I told him to leave me the fuck alone and stop being weird. My teacher came to check up on me, not him. Asked if I was okay and if I needed help to beat someone up (jokingly ofc). But maybe I was the bad guy here. I could have asked a teacher to reseat me or told Isaac he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't. I did what would make him leave me alone the fastest. And he did after that. For the most part at least. We still ran into each other on the walk home and would make conversation. Isaac annoyed me, but I didn't hate him, I wasn't close enough to him to. HOWEVER, had he been annoying me since I was FOUR?? I'd probably beat his goofy ass up just like Bakugou did.

AND If I found out later that he was like secretly the president's son and was only letting me push him around to hide his identity? Not only would I be mad, I'd feel so fucking stupid and embarrassed. AND IF HE FOLLOWED THAT UP WITH SOME BULLSHIT LIKE: “no, no, I was only recently adopted by the president bc I'm destined for a future greater than yours.” Are you kidding me??? I'd fuck some shit up. Punch some walls or somethin.

Like what makes you of all people think you’re better than me? You’re just some kid with ideas of grandeur. Get away from me or get hit bitch.

I'm not saying Bakugou's right, only that I get it. He uses anger to cover up all the feelings that make him feel unsafe/uncomfortable/embarrassed. As do I. Annndddd a lot of it is about… (say it with me…)

PRIDE & SHAME!

The infamous superiority/inferiority complex. This is mostly spelled out for you in canon, so I’ll only talk about the parts that interest me the most.

We already know Bakugou doesn't like being looked down on. It enrages him. It's a pride thing. Pride is inherently attached to shame. You care less about using pride to cover up your shame the less shame you have to cover up.

No matter how hard he tries, Bakugou can't be all he expects of himself. He cares that the anger he uses to hide his discomfort makes people dislike him. He's embarrassed that he cares at all and it makes him feel like he's weak. Only a loser would let that get in their way... That vulnerability eats him up and makes him feel stupid and it all becomes a circle.

Gotta be strong > uses force to exert his strength > ppl dislike him for it > he feels hurt > he shouldn't care what they think > need to get stronger to handle it.

THEN he lost to Izuku several times, got kidnapped, AM lost his powers because Bakugou needed saving, and failed to get his hero license. (AND HIS MOM PICKS ON HIM ABOUT IT WHICH DOESN'T HELP) He had to reckon with the fact that his way is wrong. But he's so caught up with attaching himself to the part, that it's very hard to let go. He'd have to change his entire world view and identity.

This post discusses the way he reckons with the cognitive dissonance that comes with his strength having nothing to do with what’s “right”. I'm a really big fan of the concept of Bakugou trying to use his physical strength/lack thereof, to make sense of his emotional weaknesses and lapses in logic.

I didn't want to cheap out on you and leave you without an embarrassing personal story for this bit, so I really had to dig for a story mostly about pride/shame because I feel like this section is mostly about what causes the fear and anger. Pride/shame is a common denominator rather than its own point… but here I go anyway.

When I was 14 I made my math teacher cry. She was kinda a bitch and deserved it a little bit, but I still feel kinda bad in retrospect.

I’ve always been a shit student, which didn’t bode well with the whole “smartest person in the room” deal. It was embarrassing to know that it didn’t matter how smart I was, I could never sit still and think long enough to finish my school work. And yeah, you bet my dad made me feel like an idiot for it. So I took some of it out on my teacher.

It felt justified making her cry because she had always had it out for me. She was rude the moment I walked in the door, she refused to sit me up front so I was never able to read the board, she resented us because she wanted to teach the “smart” kids, and she always made sure to tell me how much I sucked in front of the whole class.

Now the thing about being the rowdy annoying student (especially in the lower level classes) is that most of the kids in class agreed with you. The teachers normally assume the worst about lower level students and were complete dicks, so you can be sure there was almost always animosity and distrust in class. Every time I gave a snarky response or talked over her, I was met with snickers and fist bumps. Maybe she, my Dad, my shame made me feel stupid, but the attention from the kids in my class sure fed my ego.

As bad as I feel for making her cry, I still tell the story with pride. She didn’t break me, I broke her. 5 years later and it still feels good to know that I walked away mostly unscathed, and she quit her job. I was so sick of feeling stupid, but I still do, otherwise the story wouldn’t feel so good to tell. It might not be a thing I’d do to a teacher ever again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could sometimes. Shame is more powerful than the shield of pride; and both of them are nasty habits.

I think pride and shame would be the hardest traits for Bakugou to let go of. Truthfully, I don’t think he will ever fully abandon those traits. They’re fundamental to his character and are the driving force behind his pursuit of being the number one hero. Which is also a primary factor in what pushes both Bakugou and Izuku to grow as heroes. They wouldn't be themselves without it.

Conversely, part of what drives them to grow as people is Bakugou being honest and letting go of…

THE MASK HE MADE!

Perfectionism, control, and the persona he created...

There’s the way that Bakugou is and the way he wants to believe he is.

Most of fans think of bkg as the person he wants to believe he is. This fake version of him is undeniably strong, laughs in the face of danger and hurdles, is mean without regard because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, and knows EXACTLY what he wants.

Let’s talk about the mask I made which I'm just starting to let go of.

I’ve run away two times in my life. Once when I was 12 because I hated my life, and the other time when I was 17 and wanted to make my dad angry and worried. Both of them had to do with fear, anger, pride, and shame. But both were done to break away from the mask I made.

The first time was done because I was scared I’d be stuck with my Mom and siblings forever, always taking care of everyone and managing all the emotions in the house. I was angry that it was all my job and I had to do it all alone. I was an idiot to think I could handle the world alone as a runaway but I was impulsive and stupid. I wanted to be seen as a loose canon. Too often – and because I had gone out of my way to be seen as such, I was seen as dependable; like I could just keep taking the pressure and never crack. None of it was true. I was scared and weak and I was collapsing under the weight of my family’s problems. So I took everything and left. I just finally wanted my Mom to see that I wasn’t okay. In the end, it didn’t work, so I moved away from it to live with my Dad… Which caused its own set of issues.

The second time I ran away was the day of my high school graduation. I hardly got any days to celebrate myself. Including my birthdays, which were often excuses for my Mom and sibling to invite their own friends over. Once my birthday was forgotten all together. All that to say, I was excited to have a day for myself. As I’m sure you can guess, the day didn’t go as planned and I was sidelined for the entirety of it. When I finally got home, I went to vent to my Dad about it which didn’t go well. To summarize, he told me I was pathetic and dramatic. So I was like “Fine. Clearly no one here gives a shit about me. I’ll just leave without a word.” So I left the house, called a friend for a sleeping bag, and set up shop between a garage and some train tracks for a night.

My intentions are still a bit unclear to me, but from what I remember, It was fear that I truly wasn’t cared about, anger for all that I had lost in order to protect the mask, and shame that I thought they’d care; as well as the fact that I was hurt by how little they cared. Above all, I wanted to make my family feel bad for pushing me to the point that I thought that running away would be the only thing that got to them. It didn't. I came home the next day and no one said anything.

I had given so much energy trying to be steadfast, confident, strong, but on the two occasions I had broken those patterns no one noticed or even really cared. It put me in a weird position. Was I just supposed to give up on those things? Live my life in accordance with my true feelings? It seemed nothing mattered and in the end I did little to change.

Change I certainly did though. I gave up trying to be emotional support for my parents. I started to voice my true feelings a bit (only a little bit) more often. I even stopped trying to act any specific way in front of my family.

Despite all that change, however minor in outward appearance, It’s not like I had let go of those values. I just reevaluated how I interacted with them. I'm still steadfast, I know what I want for my life and plan on letting nothing get in the way. I’m confident that what I’m doing will be best for me, instead of good for maintaining a persona of strength, and now I try to put the anger into standing up for myself and my truth.

In all honesty, It’ll never stop hurting me that no one cared when I tried to show them the truth about how I felt. And I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being embarrassed that I care what they think. I still want to believe that I’m above everyone and above feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not. I’m a hurt kid who’s slowly figuring out how to live with it and become a better person.

The best parallel I can pull here is Deku vs. Kacchan 2. Bakugou’s been holding a lot of feelings in for a very long time and a huge part of his mask is hiding his true feelings. It’s true that he shows anger, but that’s part of his mask, not a crack in it. During this whole scene he’s using anger to cover up his pain and self-doubt. Just the fact that it’s a fight instead of a conversation proves this.

Bakugou choosing to have this fight was a call for help. He needed Izuku and All Might to see that he wasn’t holding it together as well as they thought he was. This was like me running away in that it was a drastic, desperate attempt to escape the mask all while giving himself enough leeway to come back to it if he felt too vulnerable with his newfound freedom.

As a side note, I think that Bakugou sees maintaining his mask in front of Izuku as most important. To the point where he'll let himself get hurt/hurt people he normally wouldn't want to in order to keep up the performance. Izuku is the last person he wants to let see all the vulnerabilities and if getting beat to shit/spewing the most hateful things he could think of will make sure Izuku never sees them, then it's what bkg must do. (which is why the impalement and apology are so important to bkg letting his walls down)

In MHA, as well as in my life, leaving behind the persona you made takes a long time and a lot of baby steps. It’s humiliating and terrifying. I’m not sure if all of you quite understand the amount of trust Bakugou is putting in Izuku following DvK2. To Bakugou, he felt like he had bore his soul to Izuku with the intention of marking this as the beginning of his attempt to become better – as a hero AND a person.

I see DvK2 as the first major step they took together towards reconciliation, friendship, and eventually, love.

IN CONCLUSION

Bakugou made a loud and abrasive personality to hide his insecurities and fear. While he tried his best to maintain it, it became an impossible feat once he finally had to face that he wasn’t as strong as he thought. His rigidity, once his superpower, became is downfall. He used his fight with Izuku to break from the persona he trapped himself in, and in taking his first step away from his mask, he started a new journey to become a better person for himself and for Izuku.

TL;DR

I used personal, embarrassing stories that reminded me of Bakugou in order to pull back the curtains and try to make sense of the way Bakugou behaves in a way that's less dramatic and hopefully easier to relate to. The reason he's bitchy is that he’s a bit delusional. But me too bitch. I hope you all see him as a bit more relatable now :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the first of ~4 character analyses, as I want to cover what Bakugou and Izuku would need to change about themselves in order for them to fall in love with each other. As it stands, there’s very little the people in the stories I used as reference could do to make me respect them enough to consider an actual friendship with them, much less love. I’ll have to do a lot of speculation once I get there (which you’ll be able to read here once I’ve written them), but it’s the best I could do, seeing as I didn’t know these people well or long enough to have stories to speak confidently of in the following analyses.

#my hero academia meta #my hero acedamia #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia meta #mha meta #bnha meta #bakudeku #bkdk #katsudeku #ktdk #bakugou katsuki

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erikiara80 · 1 year

Note

favorite/least favorite Byler and M!leven scenes?

Ciao, anon. Thanks for the ask.

If you follow my blog I hope you know that I'm not a fan of Mike and El as a couple. I like a few scenes, but I don't think their relationship is good for them or that they're actually in love.

Ok, if you're still reading, let me explain.

I never found them cute, not even in S1. When I watched it I didn't understand why the writers were writing such a good story set in the 80s, but with El and Mike it felt like I was actually watching an 80s show with the typical story, boy and girl kiss/end up together because... boy and girl must date. It felt wrong to me. It wasn't what ST was about. Now I understand that I was supposed to feel that way.

That being said, El and Mike are beautiful, complex characters, so these are the scenes I like.

1. El would (understand). Ok, not saying this is a Mlv scene, but Mike can be vulnerable with Will and say how he really feels. And I love what he says about El. He's right. She would understand. The funny thing, is that I think she would (and will) understand Will much better than how she understands Mike.

2. I feel for them here. El's been isolated for so long, and Mike misses her and feels guilty for what happened to her. Interestingly, Castle Byers is playing here...

3. From one look you can see the joy, the relief and all the pain this kid must've felt. Amazing (one of Finn's best performances)

4. If I remember correctly, this was actually Millie being exhausted, not El, and Finn helped her. But it's in the show, and I love it.

This s pretty much it.

My least favorite mlvn scene: 3x01. How they left their friends on Weathertop, and them making out and laughing at Hopper's face. Lol, those little shits.

With Byler, it's the opposite. There's only one scene I don't like. The dnd campaign in S3. I know it's important and even foreshadowing of events in S5, but like the rain fight it reminded me of something that happened to me. That's all I'm going to say.

Now, my favorite Byler scenes...

1. Probably my favorite scene of the show, imo one of the best and also Finn's best perfomance. The shed scene is such a pivotal moment, when we learn, along with Will I'm sure, that asking him to be his friend was the best thing Mike has ever done. It all started with Will and Mike. Their bond is special, and it's forever. They were the ones who started the first party and they will start a new one together.

2. You can feel how much they need each other and want to be close again. A precious moment that almost made me cry.

3. He's quiet today. Four words that mean so much. The fact that Lucas says He's always quiet informs us that Will and Mike's relationship is different. That Mike knows Will better that the rest of the party and that Will opens up to him. And Mike does the same, as we see in the Crazy together scene.

4. Mike's head on Will's heart. Adorable

5. Another little moment that is so important. Just a Not possible, a flirty look and Mike's smile. They don't need anything else. Steve would've felt it, the electricity.

6. Speaking of Mike's smiles, the ones in the van are something beautiful

7. Crazy together. What else can I say?

8. I love Will's sweet voice here: "It was you guys who saved me. It was you guys." Mike tries to hide a smile (he's so happy that Will is saying that he helped save him) Then Will's flirty: It always is, isn't it?" And Mike melts. It was too much for him.

Honorable mention:

And this (Gif credits to Celebslive)

#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #anti mileven #stranger things

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elrielbliss · 2 years

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my thoughts on sjm's interview

i have mixed feelings, so let's talk about it

sjm inserting herself as nesta:

i think one thing that frustrated me is whenever SJM was asked about Nesta, SJM would always relate the question back to herself. i'm not trying to be mean, but i really wish authors would separate themselves from their characters. taking inspiration of what you went through to write a character is fine, tons of people do it. but it really did seem SJM was inserting herself into nesta's character and made the interview feel more about SJM at times rather than the characters. don't get me wrong !! i love sjm !! it's clear and she even admits she did a recent reread of ACOSF and didn't realize how many of her own thoughts and struggles made it into the book -so it makes sense why she talked about her own journey so much. i just hope in the future it's not that apparent that she's inserting herself into characters that much.

sjm talking main characters:

it felt like SJM was only talking about nesta + cassian and feyre + rhys, which i guess makes sense since they're the only ones with books, but it also felt weird to ignore all the other characters + avoid talking about them. i did appreciate sarah maclean pointing out SJM's books are about heroines and that the guys take a backseat in the books (making it clear azzy is not gonna have his own book)

in regards to the future of ACOTAR:

one interesting thing maclean asks: "when you started tog, you were also writing this (ACOTAR) are you cooking future books with actual texts?"

sjm: "YES" "i know where i want the series to go" --- so does this imply she started writing future books since she answered yes?

but then SJM claims later in the interview in the fan portion she hasn't started to write future books later in the interview? but then there is proof of SJM saying back in January that she has started to write the next book of ACOTAR when she gets inspiration... so what's the truth?

SJM talking about maps "there's still a lot of the map that's left blank" - i'm very interested to learn more about this and think she was totally hinting about the dusk court!

fan question segment:

sjm complimenting each sister - literally my favorite thing, but wish she said something better about nesta than her smutty book but lol. sjm describing elain as a quiet dreamer was EVERYTHING to me and she once again repeats that elain has a different type of strength. she also loves that elain believes hope is better than hate. how people still think she will turn evil? idk man.

no comment on 2nd question - waste of a question imo lmao

sjm deflecting from the elriel question and she was lowkey smirking while the question was being asked !! she is not a slick woman !! sjm says "you'll get more of elain in the next - i'm not going to promise anything" "you'll get a form of her" "i haven't written the thing yet" like nah finish the sentence SJM. next book as in cc3? next book as in acotar5? and why did she stop halfway through the sentence and switch what she was saying? also her saying she hasn't written the thing yet when she said earlier in the interview she said that she does write future books while writing current books and knows where she wants to take the future of ACOTAR... clearly she knows what she has planned and is just avoiding the question.

this question had like 5 parts to it - it was a hot mess lmao but sjm calling all these conspiracy theories but also careful reading was also hilarious. gwenny lightsinger confirmed lol !

super interesting question + theory i had never heard of. sjm was smirking during this one too!! but also sjm says "idk why you even ask me these questions" like sis these are fan questions we all want to know more about the series that you have been depriving us of. i have zero idea how time travel could work but i am intrigued !

conclusion: interview wasn't needed - it was an easy money grab. i probably won't buy tickets to another event like this unless it's in person (+ includes signed book) or if i 100% know SJM will actually be making an announcement of some sort. most people i would assume paid the $15 so we could ask fan questions and have them answered, only for her to ignore them and not even hint at anything. i hope in the future if she is going to ignore fan questions that the fans are told ahead of time what they can and can't ask so that our questions won't be disregarded. it definitely seems like SJM is going to drag ACOTAR out, which is why i kind of want to be less involved with the fandom until she makes cc3 announcement or acotar5. not sure if she has writer's block or something for ACOTAR but she def seems like she is having a more enjoyable time writing CC3. but overall the interview left me feeling disappointed that she couldn't give fans any hints or stuff to look forward to in the future.

+ also side note for cc she made a comment and described the first 3 book as bryce and hunt's story giving me more hope they'll be endgame lmao.

#my thoughts on sjm interview #heres to hoping we get news on something soon

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ahdraftingco · 1 year

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I just finished lesson learned and i have a few questions!

- does din truly love the reader? And will he actually learn to change his ways completely or will he always be a bit psychopathic?

- are they any hard limits that din wouldnt do to the reader?

- will they ever truly be happy? Like, how they talked about 😭 my heart aches for both of them

- is the feelings din have for ready truly just obsession or does he genuinily care for her and her well being?

- why DID the reader plan out that scheme at the end to trick din? He could have well changed without needing to go through that. Does he feel any remorse for tricking him? Does she fear what will happen if he were to ever find out? I fear what he'll do to willa and tex, AND the reader if he finds out. It would be, simply putting it, catastrophic

- is there a sequel in the works? 👀 i can say im definitely addicted to them, just as they are to each other

I just want them to be happy, to have the love they say they both crave 😭

Thank you so much for writing the fic, it was enjoyable the whole way through. Felt like a massive rollercoaster!

oh goodness okay let's see if I can answer these all!

I put it below the read more so it's not just a wall of text LOL! also obviously spoilers for those who haven't read LL!

1. I think it's important to ask what love is to Din. Because our definition of love might be very different than dark!din's. I can't really say if he's redeemable or not. That's all up to your personal perspective. I will say that Din does love our pretty little thief, but again, what does it mean to be loved by him? Food for thought ♡

2. I don't think Din wants to inflict heavy pain or anything that causes scars. Everything he does is either mental or is something that can be healed over time. So, hopefully that's a good answer even though it's a bit non-specific!

3. Who's to say they aren't happy now? I think they're very happy :) even if the foundation of that happiness is a fib, I don't believe that makes their happiness any less real!

4. Din cares about the reader deeply. It's about how deep does that care go? Is it obsession to take care of the person you love's needs? To Din, he gave reader everything he believed someone would need. I think it might be better to wonder if Din could ever stop caring for reader...because I think that is a fun thought experiment ~

5. Hmmm, well, if you read between the lines, I hinted that reader had been planning this for quite some time. It wasn't a random plot. It was intentional because reader saw how easily Din could fall into his old ways. She needed to do something that would push him to change completely and for her, this was the only solution. I think in her convo with Willa, we see that she has some regret. Willa doesn't (lol I love her) but reader definitely does. Oh, the fear is there but ignorance is bliss! Let's just ignore all the betrayal and focus on how happy they are :D

6. Yes, I have a sequel conceptualized. It's...a lot, though. It's dark, gritty and will take literally all my mental capacity to write 😂 yall don't even understand, LL took years off my life. The twists and turns 😵‍💫 gosh, I still think about how insane I was for writing 10k word chapters! Definitely will have to consider if I want to invest in long chapters like that again, wowie! But indeed, I do have an idea of where a sequel would go and honestly, it's quite a ride (at least it seems so in my head haha!)

Hope that answered everything you asked and hope I made you think of more questions hehe ;)

#happy tag

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ablednt · 2 years

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1) Is there any media you think did explicitly plural characters well? 2) Is there any media you think handled CSA well (I think you mentioned Persona 5 once but I can’t find that post). 3) How do you think the “into the mindscape” plot can work well (either headspace or metaphorical, and how do you make it clear if it’s the latter?)

1) in terms of like, explicitly stated in a "this character is a system I'm writing about a system this is a plural system"....no I cannot think of any unless we count indie OCs from unpublished works but I don't really in this case. The closest to being explicitly plural I can think of is I'm actually quite fond of how systemhood is portrayed in Omori (it's technically not explicitly stated but the call the inworld headspace for a reason yk?). I just think that for the most part we aren't really in a place yet where most plural creators are A) aware of their plurality and B) safe to canonize it rather than providing subtext and hints.

3) (2 got too long to put in the middle) I honestly just like basically every iteration of this trope and especially how much plural coding goes into it. Most of the people making it do seem to be plural in that they cannot imagine a mind in which there is only one person or one version of a person, it really speaks to the theory side of plurality, an exploration of what it means for the human brain. The only times I think it's executed badly is when it's deliberately plural and made by singlets because then we get stuff like the abomination that is total drama islands "literally a brain with gross bits all over the place" headspace." I like them when they're metaphorical and don't rely too much on coherence one just because it's fun and the trope doesn't take itself all too seriously generally and also because our headspace tends to have a slightly incoherent, dream-like quality so it feels more accurate that way.

2) Yes but to a point. The bar is absolutely in the floor when it comes to representation of CSA victims and survivors so I always feel like I'm praising media for the bare minimum and I've never truly felt fully seen by any portrayal and my opinion on that hasn't changed but...! I do have a slightly better outlook on some medias than I did the last time I was talking about this. (Mild spoilers for persona 5 and major spoilers for revolutionary girl utena, discussion of CSA and violence)

Persona 5 was I think, perhaps the best in terms of showing the character moving on to having a full life and character arc unconnected to their trauma without shelving it unrealistically. Ann gets closure within the first proper arc of her story and is able to get justice, and when she initially refuses to kill her abuser I was expecting this to be some stupid "I heal by forgiveness" bullshit but her reasoning of "Actually I want him to suffer worse than death instead of giving him an out lol" was iconic. After that she remains traumatized but there's a lot more to her character than just that which is sadly quite rare and I actually surprisingly ADORED seeing her go to therapy in p5 royal and being able to officially just talk about her feelings and how terrible everything was.

HOWEVER persona 5 loses all of what would have been really powerful for two reasons. One is that they sexualize the hell out of Ann for comedic relief (especially by putting her in situations where she must act sexual when she does not actually want to) and kind of just for no reason, which turns out being super disparaging after such powerful build up. But more importantly because one of the romance options for the main character who is her classmate is with one of his teachers (who I have super complex feelings about because most people hate the character for this but I don't I think she had a lot of potential and it's really fucking sus that they made their only sex worker character be available for romancing a whole child who is also her student, I feel like as a character she was done just as dirty by this option as the other characters were) so it's like... what is it only abuse and disgusting if it's a blatantly creepy man? Is it a case of "boys want to be sexually abused so it's fine" or what? What message are we supposed to be taking from this?

On another note the media that grew on me a LOT since I was last discussing this was Revolutionary Girl Utena, which remains incredibly relevant despite having a certain 90s crust on it/aff. Before whilst I was fond of the ideas it was presenting I felt betrayed that we never saw a follow up on Anthy's freedom, she just, quietly leaves without much else in terms of closure and by the time any other installments of the story exist it's either a reboot entirely or another timeline in a timeloop and that's not bad but after so much pain it felt lacking.

But it really grew on me as I started to look at the purpose of this story differently. Initially I felt like it was just an exploration of what experiencing CSA is like without any other underlining message, it was accurate to my experiences, sure, but it made me feel hopeless like there wasn't a point to it other than to sit with that pain.

But what I realized more recently is that RGU is a love-letter for the meaning you can find within trauma. The message of RGU isn't "if you've gone through abuse there's a better tomorrow for you," it doesn't deny that either but it's left very uncertain on that point.

But instead it does something that I haven't really seen from other depictions of CSA victims in that it lets its characters be Messy. Like so fucking messy without demonizing them for it? It says, boldly, and unapologetically, that you deserved to be loved even if you lash out due to abuse, even if you don't fit into the role of an "acceptable" abuse victim.

It says, "here's two abuse victims who love each other so much that when Anthy stabs Utena through the back to kill her, all Utena can think to do is reach for her hand, not even the thought of having been betrayed present." It says "even if you never get closure, even if you were to completely disappear right now, even if nothing good lasts from this, right now matters, and the relationships you have with fellow survivors matter."

I also find the exploration of CSA within the story to be suitably complex and find I actually quite like so many of the girls at Ohtori being victims of Akio (and Touga) because it gives each character a lot more room to be messy in their own way without feeling like it's making a statement on all survivors/victims.

Kozue says, "when you live in an impure world you need to become unpure to get what you want." She embraces her trauma, she glorifies it, and this isn't really portrayed as problematic so much as being like "this is a child and she is incredibly broken and trying her goddamn best to keep it together, but she doesn't know what she wants and she doesn't know what to do other than to go along with everything that makes her feel in control"

Nanami on the other hand tries desperately to regain her sense of grace and dignity all the while reality is crumbling around her and she slowly realizes that the only foundation she has (her abuser) is only making her more unstable. By the end of it she's so goddamn weary she can't even find it in her to lash out at anyone anymore, she wants out and so she starts to withdraw.

Wakaba's trauma is a lot more ambiguous. On the surface, what she's going through is kind of the most normal in the show and she seems well adjusted and healthy... until you realize that she's still being groomed by the overall culture of the school which is something that ALSO basically never gets addressed both in media and irl how like. You can be groomed without ever having an abuser, how we are all victims of pedophilia culture and it causes us to be complicit in others abuse. She falls apart because she's balancing her desire to not get hurt with her desire to have a place within society, she flirts with grown men to fit in, to feel like she's more mature and more confident than she actually is.

And of course in the center we have Anthy and Utena.

Anthy is an exploration of the way that victims are demonized and the roles that they inevitably play to survive. To say that all of her submissiveness and kindness and long-suffering is a front she's putting up and she's actually conceited and toxic and hurtful is a misinterpretation of the entire point of the show. She's an embodiment of everything that this world hates- a child who has realistic emotions and needs that inconvenience others.

Every "evil" act she commits is something she does for Akio because she's never had a choice other than serving his interests. She may be more powerful than him, she may have every physical ability to leave but... she doesn't realize that because she's been made to feel inferior to him for so goddamn long and she's a 14 year old child so of course she's going to feel restricted and like she has no choice but to appeal to her abuser (yes she's immortal but I think anyone who got the takeaway that she's somehow an adult is seriously misinterpreting the entire point of "no one actually ages at this school time simply isn't passing.") She plays into the part of the perfect abuse victim because she wants and needs to feel loved, she needs to feel valuable, and when she doesn't uphold this image when she has problems when she's not okay that's when she's being stabbed with million of swords to receive all of humanity's hatred and that's like. SUCH a strong way to express what it FEELS like to be a survivor in a society where abuse victims are only supported superficially.

And then Utena's is an exploration of what grooming feels like itself. Using the main, viewpoint, character to explore what it's like to be groomed is actually pretty rare I feel like but they executed it perfectly. It's so realistically done with the decent into Akio being this abusive villain so gradual that a lot of viewers who aren't familiar with sexual abuse and grooming will watch it and be like "damn that was weird I didn't get that at all lol" because they didn't really have the time to process what they were watching just like Utena barely had time to process what was happening to her.

He seems like a good guy, he seems kind to Anthy and she seems to trust him. He welcomes Utena into his home, he just wants her to feel loved and safe, right? When she experiences transphobia at school he comes to her aid, he admires her for her gender-nonconformity after all.

But then suddenly she starts to feel afraid of him and she doesn't understand why, she starts getting intrusive thoughts about the two of them together romantically, and she knows that's wrong but she isn't thinking about her age in the equation because why would she? She's mature, she doesn't have parents, she's old enough to fight to the death to protect her best friend so she ought to be old enough for an adult relationship right? That's a non issue to her, because she's too young to realize how young she is, but she still inherently knows it's wrong.

And she tries to voice this, she tries so goddamn hard. She says "aren't you kind of a pervert?" and he responds with (very paraphrased) "I am but you're just as deviant as I am, your being nonbinary is the same as my being a pedophile."

And like. She's 14, she's the only openly queer person she's ever met, he's been supportive before now so like.... he's gotta be right, doesn't he? There's not argument that can be made to this when he's leaning over her to pin her down and she's dissociating too hard to think straight.

Watching her spiral deeper into depression as she faces more and more abuse feels intimate, like, at no point do her actions not make perfect sense from the perspective of a grooming victim and that's something that you really don't get from so many media. And is is empowering to see her pull herself out of this and to see him for what he is, the resulting sword fight, and the way she ignores him completely as she tries one last time to reach Anthy and convince her that she deserves better than this, that all means something even if her ending isn't a happy one.

The series is a comforting one for me when I'm already triggered because it speaks to the tired cynic in me that knows that on a societal level that things aren't getting better or safer, that I'm never going to get rid of these ptsd symptoms because I am inherently retraumatized by how widespread this kind of trauma is. In that respect I'm Anthy in her coffin and Utena is reaching for me, and telling me that my friendships, my relationships with equally traumatized people no matter how hard and messy still matters. And that's a message that I just haven't seen anywhere else that you can find some happiness within an abusive environment and that still means something, even if you can't find anything else.

It's definitely not perfect and it doesn't fix the fact that I have yet to see any media with explicitly explored CSA where the victim is able to have not just a happy ending but a full continuation of their life outside their trauma in which they can heal and find support and a kinder world, I don't have any comfort media that does that for me which sucks a LOT. But Utena does make me feel a little better when I start to feel really hopeless about everything.

#CSA tw #media cw #grooming tw #ask to tag #the rant under the cut is probably kind of incoherent and rambly but I have a headache and it's difficult subject matter so ahfdioghaidfohg

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nebuvoid · 1 year

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Hey it's the devilman anon again back from the trenches... I finally finished devilman lady and I'm sure you've talked/heard about it a thousand times but I can't help but want to complain about it sorry it's just SO MUCH

99% of the story feels completely pointless? Why even have Jun and Asuka as protagonists at all? Everything would be so much easier (AND SHORTER) if it was just Akira in hell and stuff. Go Nagai would have to come up with some other way for the earth to get destroyed and for Hell to open up sure but that couldn't possibly be more difficult than what he actually did.

Also the way Akira came back was so unnecessary what the fuck. I had already skimmed that post you linked that explained what happened in the manga so I was aware of what was coming but it still didn't stop me from getting slapped in the face with Akira stating that the woman he had sex with was now his mom. That sex scene between them was so bad too, Jun was having PTSD the whole time... Not that I would expect any sort of healthy sex scene from Go Nagai at this point. Can't believe this old man really made me read volumes upon volumes about his sexual assault kink.

Of course the amount of rape and nudity is awful and unnecessary but that goes without saying I think. The lore stuff was ok I guess but not enough to make this worth it. The art was certainly much better than the original which is nice, but I still kind of miss the wonky artwork. The fights felt sort of lacking tbh, they were over way too quickly.

I also thought it was so funny how like midway through Go Nagai just does whatever and starts retelling Dante's Inferno. Fuck it. (Guy who has only read The Divine Comedy writing his manga:)

This got so long uh. Yeah bad manga would definitely not recommend but I'm somewhat glad to have read it just so I can trash it with confidence.

Oh just one more thing. So funny how he made Akira fall in love with a woman (in 5 seconds) only for her to turn out to be Ryo the whole time. Straightbaiting at its finest

you are one of satans bravest for having sat through that whole thing 🥲🫡

yep. it really is that bad and pointless. and i completely agree that the art style is a total downgrade. he didnt even improve, the boobs are spheres now. i drew like that when i was 11.

well i say pointless but lore telling us that god is actually the true bad guy who keeps destroying earth because humans keep evolving into devilmen one way or another, who he cant manipulate the way he can with humans, and to punish satan for loving the devilmen and daring to defy him the first time, again making him not easily manipulable like the other angels, is pretty significant.

also yeah hes always had an obsession with dantes inferno, he made one, or two? i dont recall right now. Mao Dante. lol. other manga before devilman that focus on DI he just keeps reusing his own ideas to the max.

the straightbaiting IS based though yeah lmao. its because thats satan actually. since hes clean cut into two then and jun is his softer kinder side while asuka is the more surface abrasive ryo we know. ....or you know, feminine and masculine, quite literally, because somehow go nagai made a BL epic that inspired dozens of other classics and yet doesnt think gay people exist as such. personally i think his mind, too, is dantes inferno of layers of bullshit.

#devilman talk #devilman #anon #ask

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iwouldtrademyfatherforatictac · 1 year

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So I just watched the first episode of Trigun and in an attempt (failing) to not endlessly talk about it to everyone i meet I’m dumping thoughts here lol

First off... it wasn’t bad. I will admit a part of me is a little disappointed in this just because if the show does get worse then it hurts more but it also means that it could get better.

I’m not happy with how they decided to speed up the plot. It took what 10+episodes to even mention Knives and they bust him out in the first episode? Imo in the original the fact that he wasn’t mentioned, the fact that he wasn’t a main focus antagonist was nice. It let the viewers get to know the characters outside of the main plot and let you get a feel for them. I also think it helped cement Trigun as a funky space western, Stampede feels like its a show set in space with a little bit of western thrown in. Granted this might change in the future.

I actually didn’t mind the animation as much as I thought I would. Most 3D anime’s that I’ve tried have looked incredibly clunky and weird but Stampede didn’t do bad, it still had its clunky looks but even 2D has those lol

I will say mostly out of spite I don’t think I can or will ever appreciate Roberto de Niro’s character. Milly is an important part of the story and I’m very curious to see how they are going to handle Wolfwoods story without her in it. And! I don’t see why they couldn’t have put her in? Even if they kept then as reporters having both the girls would have been great and wouldn’t really change the story they’ve got going so far.

Speaking of the insurance girls I am personally 70/30 on liking what they did with Meryl’s character. I liked her in the original, she was kinda a bitch and very confident in herself, she would be the one to take charge of situations and had clearly been in some dangerous situations before and I liked that.

In Stampede they toned a lot of her down. She feels younger, is younger and I don’t really like that, and she is written to be naive and most of that feels like it was done so they had someone closer to the audience that things could be explained to so everyone could understand but that was also why I liked the team of Meryl and Milly. Neither of them knew everything so they did need things explained to them from time to time and that felt natural because (spoiler) humans have only been on Gunsmoke for 150ish years? That isn’t a whole lotta time to set things up so everyone has information readily available.

But they did still keep how confident she is in herself and how she doesn’t really beat around the bush with things which I did appreciate.

I also think that they did a decent job on Vash as a character, he has almost the same vibes to me as OG Vash. I.E he’s still kinda a dumbass in the first couple episodes and trying to hide who he is.

I will also say based on the first episode the 3D animation is going to make for some cool fight scenes which I am excited for.

I hope they do go back and explain more about what happened on the Seeds ship and why Knives crashed them because I would LOVE to see that part of the manga’s story line animated. It is one of my favorite parts in the manga.

I think overall I’m not blown away but I will admit that might be slightly because the original and the manga are in my top 5 favorites and that makes me a bit biased. I’m gonna watch at least the second episode and see how they go from there but I cautiously like it and I think it has potential to be really good.

I sincerely hope that one day someone writes a fic where Milly takes the place of Roberto in some way because he is the only thing that I truly dislike about the show so far. I kinda feel like they wanted to introduce a Wolfwood esk character before introducing Wolfwood but either way he kinda sucks rn

#Trigun #trigun stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #Vash the Stampede #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #i will also say i am excited to meet wolfwood #from the trailers he seemed like he has pretty much the same personality lol #im probably going to post something like this every time an episode comes out just so i can figure out how to word things #and to figure out exactly what i like and don't like #i will also say it does make me happy seeing the trigun fandom more active because of Stampede though the art is amazing

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comeontaylorspeaknow · 2 years

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Why is Speak Now so underrated? And does anyone else hope Taylor gives Speak Now the same hype as she is with Red?!

I think it’s her best work. Like to me it’s right up there with folklore. Red is amazing but to me speak now is better, no skips AT ALL. I feel like speak now is Taylor in true form and when folklore came out it reminded me of speak now. I feel like so many fans forget about it, some don’t even know it exists and the locals definitely don’t know about it lol. I was also at the perfect age (15) when it came out, so many fans were like 5 when it came out which is crazy and I’m so grateful that I got to experience that album/era that age because I could actually connect with it in real time.

The fact that she wrote EVERY single song herself. That there were only two producers, her and Nathan. And that she was only 19 when she wrote it shocks me even more, no one her age at that time was putting out anything LIKE THAT, nothing as good as what she was doing, other artists her age had to strip naked and sing raunchy songs to get attention. No 19yr old was writing: “You’ll add my name to your list of traitors who don’t understand / And I’ll look back and regret how I ignored when they said, Run as fast as you can” on their own.

To me it is a phenomenal album in every way, right down to the aesthetic/imagery. To me if Speak now didn’t exist there would be no folklore or evermore.

I also think the speak now tour is one of her best tours, it felt like you were in another world.

That era as a whole was amazing, it felt like the one true time when Taylor never really got any hate, swifites were all so kind and there was never any fighting or bickering or problematic stuff going on. Like I dunno Taylor was obviously big at the time but she also felt like our own little secret before she really blew up with I knew You Were Trouble into the pop world. so many of my family members and friend didn’t know who she was around then but then I knew you were trouble came out and everyone started to know and talk about her, even boys in my school which at that time was not a cool thing to like Taylor swift lol.

I am really looking forward to Taylor’s version because her mature vocals are amazing and going to make the songs sound even better. I really hope we get a short film either for enchanted, Last Kiss, Dear John or Haunted. Those incredible songs really deserved music videos.

By: [deleted] on reddit

#speak now #so underrated #speak now is underrated #reddit #Taylor Swift reddit

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alihightowers · 1 year

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Hello!!!! I very much enjoyed the chapter update. Thank you so much for sharing this story.

I am processing so many emotions right now, it was so intense. I feel for my poor babies.

I was wondering who did you fancast for James? His he the same age as Kate?

And just to clarify in chapter 2, K+A are both 22-23 yrs old, right?

Also, I just want to say that I am fascinated by how the emotions are vividly portrayed. Without telling us explicitly what is going on, we felt the thread and the underlying tension within the dialogue with the characters (I don't know if that make sense). For example, the whole Kate/Benedict conversation, I am super fascinated by how their relationship did evolve during these 5 years; he seems to have been such a supportive person in her life and the person who know her best and her secrets (probably because they both were the closest to Ant?).

I wonder, why does everyone doesn't want Ant to know about [redacted]? Maybe, I misread that. Does Violet and the other kids know? I guess that it is because he is going through PTSD and the family want to protect him as he is trying to rebuild his life. But, I wonder, if knowing about [redacted] could give him hope and something to hold on to?

Kate is bottling up so many emotions, it feel like she is going to explode.

I spotted an infidelity tag (YES PLEASE and WHEN??).

Anyways there are so much more that I want to comment on but I will leave it there and wait to see how it will all unfold. All that to say, that I adore your writing, it is suspenseful, full of nuance and very evocative. I feel like I am in a movie where the characters have so much secrets and trying to control their emotions before shit hit the fan (if that make sense) LOL. I am living for it!

Anyways, I am so invested.

I hope irl get better for you. Take care.

Hi babe!!

I'm sorry, I don't know why I've done this to them. I promise it'll be okay though!

I don't have a specific fancast for him actually, it was mainly features that stood out to me and I wanted to make them the opposite of Anthony's. So I kind of left it up to the reader to conjure an image of their own. I also didn't spend too much time on it because he really won't be featured THAT much, but if I come across someone I think fits, I'll let you know! He's three years older than she is.

At present time they're 25 and 26.

It makes sense, I just can't believe anyone would think that of my writing lol. Even though I absolutely love both writing and sharing, I'm always second guessing myself, so this truly blows my mind and when I say that means the world and matters so much to me, it really does. ❤️

Aside from Edwina, Benedict is her best friend. He's been her rock throughout the 5 year gap and has been someone she can lean heavily on because, as you said, they were the closest to Anthony. The three of them spent a lot of time together, so he understands her better than most and she feels safe talking to him about anything. I do plan on bringing in more of their dynamic as the story moves along.

So, it's not that they don't want him to know, it's just too soon. He's only just returned, and not only is he coping with everything he's been through, he now has to relearn how to live a normal life. To throw something that huge and life altering at him at this stage now would just be cruel and unfair for all parties involved. It all stems from the deep need to protect, largely on Kate's part. But it will give him strong purpose and a bigger reason to be present.

And yes! everyone knows and has been very much involved.

Girlie is going through it. She's got a lot on her plate!!

LMAO, soon! I'm trying to be realistic with the pacing and don't want to rush into anything too soon. The tension has to build a bit before it completely shatters, you know? I guess it's kind of a slow burn, and I like writing teases, but not at a snail's pace. I'm too impatient for that shit lol.

Ahhhhh!!! I don't even know what to say, just know that I'm sending you so much love right now. I will literally remember this forever.

Thank you for reading and also taking the time to write one of the nicest messages I've ever received.🥹❤️

Thank you, love!!

#asks #my heart can't handle thissss!!!!

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levisgirll · 3 years

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Hi! I love your work so much! Could you do a oneshot/hc about y/o and Levi having a crush on each other. Hange knows that and asks y/o why won't she confess to him. Y/O is insecure coz she's younger than him by 5 + years and she thinks that Levi wouldn't want her coz she thinks that he thinks she's childish (lol how many thinks). Thanks!

𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

→ Text: Hi there sweet anon! Thank you for letting me know that you love my work 🥺 that makes me happy! And this is such a cute idea♡ ♡ I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think about it if you can! Hope you see this and sorry it took awhile :,( Also, while writing this I was inspired by this song called kiss u better by Katzù Oso and Lady (Hear Me Tonight) by Modjo 🥰 they both were stuck in my head when I got your request!

Synopsis: Y/N and Levi have known each other for quite awhile now. Levi clearly likes Y/N, but she feels hesitant to take things further with Levi since they are both at university(when he is ready for that!) but won’t cause she is quite nervous and insecure. Levi and even Hanji notices that, and with that Levi takes his chance and tries to win his lover’s heart after a party at Zeke’s place. To make her finally have trust in him to give him a chance, and to prove to her that he would be a great man to y/n! Finally to open her heart again back to love <3 so find out what happens! (I promise you, you won’t regret this c: many soft and fluff levi!)

cute fluff, university modern au, headcanon imagine ♡ —

It was obvious, to everyone in their university course, also around campus, that Levi and Y/N totally had a crush on each other.

But Y/N is hesitant, even though though she might have a feeling that Levi might like her too, with the many moments they shared together, the times they went out together after lectures to go to the café, walking her home, watching sunsets together (but, Levi is watching you instead) and talk out their struggles and feelings, always texting and calling her to just at least hear from her everyday, buying her snacks and food to make sure she ate, all the time going out with her to any events, would bend down and tie her shoes for her if he saw undone, and also going to the shopping mall with her to just be by her side when she shopped all around.

During long trips too or taking the bus to the university, Y/N and Levi would swap seats, she wanted the window and Levi wanted to look at you instead.

Would definitely come over to your place during the days you didn’t eat or make any food, expect him to cook for you and especially clean your place! And you both would spend the evening at the balcony, watching the nightsky and if it was a bit chilly or there was a cold breeze, he would give you his jacket. “Tch, Don't want you catching a cold.”

Levi would also give her and buy her some flowers on special days such as her birthday, celebrations, and would just give you some if you ever felt sad! He wanted to see you happy all the time <3

Everyone at first thought Y/N and Levi were a couple and Levi was just being shy about it to not mention or talk about it. But in fact, it was Y/N who didn’t try and push the relationship to the next step. As she was feeling quite reluctant about it, feeling insecure that she was younger than him by 5 years and thought Levi was just doing all of these things to her as a ‘nice act’ and being polite and respectful. But, Y/N has no idea that one of Levi’s top love language was actually ‘acts of service’!

Levi is not the kind of man who would just do all of these things just randomly to someone unless he knows them pretty well and if he over does them, then he actually loves them! He would only do these things for Y/N knowing that she would like it, and he would honestly give up his time for you, and you only.

It was a long tiring day at university, but finally it was the last lecture for the day and the end of the first Semester! Y/N got up and took her stuff, ready to leave the lecture hall when Hanji jumped from behind her, giving her a hug around her shoulder. “Y/N! We finally finished!” Hanji said in their usual happy and cheerful tone. You smiled at Hanji and patted their head, “Yup, and the semester break started.” You said as you both left, heading to the university café.

Hanji smirked and elbowed Y/N to the side, “Soooo, I have been realizing for quite a while that you and Levi are getting at it, Huh.” Hanji said with a wink and started drinking their iced coffee drink, looking at Y/N who their cheeks started to heat up.

“W-What? It’s not what you are thinking though...” You mumbled and started to take your own drink, sipping it and looking away. “No way. You both are STILL not dating?! Why don��t you just confess to him? I can’t handle it anymore, you both are clearly in love with each other!” Hanji now started to squeal and was amazed how you and Levi were still not taking your relationship to the next step after being with him for such a long time. “Quiet down! I don’t want anyone to hear. But...I’m not sure, he might just think I am childish a-and might not want me..” You mumbled the last part and then gave out a sad sigh while looking down to your shoes, you were quite down about it whenever you thought about how you badly wanted to confess your feelings to him, but with how older he was to you, you probably just thought he was better off with someone else. You really did love him, but....does he? With the way he constantly checks up on you and asks about you, Y/N just wondered that he might just only do that cause he only worries for her only.

“Y/N! Wake up girl. Have ever you seen him treat you like this to anyone else? No!” Hanji wanted so badly to let you know that Levi did actually have a crush on you, but they promised Levi (well was threated by Levi) that they wouldn’t tell her.

You were about to question and ask about what Hanji meant when suddenly, Connie, Sasha and Mikasa came by. “Yo! Did you guys hear?” Connie said with a grin and brought a chair to join them, while Sasha and Mikasa tagged along giving you a little wave. “There is gonna be a party at Zeke’s place tonight! He invited us! I heard it’s gonna be crazy though.”

“As long there is free food, I am in!” Sasha said with a nod, already planning what she will eat first when she first goes there. Mikasa looked at you and then asked, “Y/N, if you are going. I’ll tag along.” She said while looking at you, waiting for a response. Zeke was a popular guy at your university and course, he knew everyone and everyone seemed to like him. You were once placed in the same group project with him and he helped you out a lot, and even during exams he seemed to be friendly enough to share you his notes to you! Y/N never got the chance to have a proper chat with him though.

But instead Hanji replied yelling out, “Oh hell Yea I am in! I never had the chance to hang out with Zeke, but I so wanna go to this party! Y/N Let’s go Please!” Hanji begged, giving you their usual puppy eyes and you sighed while getting up from your seat. “I’ll see and let you guys know.” You sighed and when you looked at your friends, all of them looked behind you and had a surprised look on their face. You went blank, and turned around slowly. Shit.

It was, Zeke. “Hey There.” Zeke said with a smirk and approached you closer, “Y/N, Yea?”

You stood there, all shocked and surprised, how the ‘cool popular guy’ from your university is actually talking to you right now. You felt all eyes on you and your friends were all there, their eyes widen and were seeing what the hell was gonna happen.

“Y-Yea. Um, do you need something?” Y/N said in a nervous tone, not sure what to say or do. “Yea, Come tonight to my party.” Zeke said bluntly, and you were about to question him why when Hanji suddenly held both of your shoulders and yelled out. “Yes Yes! We are all coming!”

“Great! See you all tonight, and you too...Y/N.” Zeke said in a flirty tone while he kept his eyes on you, then walked off. You just stood there, all surprised and taken aback at how quickly things escalated. “Hanji...Seriously?” You let out a sigh and decided to walk out of the café, while Mikasa, Hanji, Connie and Sasha tagged you along. All talking about what to wear and when they are going.

As you were walking with them, you got a text message. When you saw who it was, you made a big smile.

Levi: Hey, Where are you now?

Y/N: With the others, still at campus though. Something up?

Levi: No. Also, was wondering what are your plans for tonight.

You stopped walking, and stood still, and you felt your cheeks go hot. You really liked it when Levi asked you out for hang outs.

Y/N: Well, Hanji and the others are begging me to go to Zeke’s party. So going there tonight.

Levi:....Okay, I am coming too. Don’t go in without me.

“Oh, Levi is coming too.” You said aloud to yourself but Hanji heard it and was so shocked. “Levi? You mean Levi ACKERMAN? That guy never ever goes out with any of us, especially to parties.”

After hearing what Hanji said, you wondered and thought, maybe just maybe....he might like you? But you later shook the thought off away from your mind.

You decided in the end to go and just meet your friends and Levi in front of Zeke’s place. You started to get ready once you got back to your place as the evening was approaching wore your favourite outfit, and just get the night over with. Hopefully nothing crazy happens right? I mean you had Levi and your other friends. So surely, it will be okay.

The night approached, and you were outside Zeke’s place, his house was huge as expected from a popular university student. You suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned to see the person you loved most, Levi.

“O-Oh, Hey!!” You quickly said, quite taken aback with his sudden appearance. “Was trying to call you out but guess you didn’t hear me.” He said with a teasing tone and went to hug you gently. He noticed what you wore, and to him anything you wore always looked beautiful and pretty to his eyes, he just wanted to say it and say how great you looked but he knew he could not do that. “You good? Where is four eyes and the others.” He said trying to ignore his thought while he had a slight faint blush which you didn’t notice.

“Soon, they are coming. Lets go in though, I think Miche and some others went ahead too.” You said looking around and as you started to head in, Levi held you hand and said calmly but had a nervous tone in him. “Wait um, I don't want us to separate so c-can I hold your hand?” Levi said but then quickly looked away, cursing himself for stuttering like an idiot in front of the the girl he loves.

You felt your face burning up and you held out your hand to him, and nodded, to which he gently held your hand and you both entered inside Zeke’s place. Wondering what the other side awaits.

It was crowded, too crowded. You felt nervous but with Levi’s soft touch holding your hand tightly, you felt relieved and safe, he was there holding you tightly, making sure no one weird was behind you and he would let you walk in front of him as he put his hand on your shoulder. Levi was honestly keep his eye out for you, it was his instinct to protect you and always making sure you are comfortable and safe. Afterall, you did mean a lot to him.

“Hey! Y/N came and Woah....Levi!” Miche yelled out waving at the both of you while Nanaba was by his side smirking at you two. You quickly let go of Levi’s hand and went away from him, Levi glanced at you on his side, a bit hurt how you let your hand go, how he didn't get to feel your touch anymore.

“Tch....What is it.” Levi said in his usual annoyed tone and gave them his stoic expression because of how they interrupted, and making Y/N letting go of him. “Zeke was waiting for you guys, Come on.” Nanaba said while a grin and kept her hand around Y/N’s shoulder to guide her and Levi to where Zeke and the others are at. Apparently he gathered around certain people and you and your other friends where among them!

You saw all your friends, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Sasha, Connie and Hanji and many others you recognize! You spotted Zeke talking to Pieck Finger, another popular girl in your university and once you both had eye contact together, he got up and waved at you. “Hey you came!” Zeke said with a happy tone and approached you, he then noticed Levi who was clearly glaring at him. “Oh. Levi.” Zeke said bluntly and looked away from him, completely ignoring Levi and gave Y/N a smirk. “Let’s begin the fun, sweetheart?” You were taken aback when he called you that, Wait..did he actually call me that?

This fucking bastard. Levi thought as he was trying to control himself not to twist the guy’s hand when he placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Okay everyone listen up! Since the first semester finished, and to celebrate. To have a little fun, I decided let’s all play Drink or Dare!” Everyone now got hyped up and gathered around, sitting in the coaches and were all excited. You had a weird gut feeling about this as you sat next to Jean while Levi followed you and leaned aganist the coach side with his arms crossed, completely not interested in what the hell Zeke is doing, but he was just here for you.

“But...If no one does the Dare I tell them, you have to drink something I made instead and nothing else.” He pointed at the big bottle that was on the table, it had a label saying Zeke’s Spinal Fluid which you found really odd for a drink to be called like that. Afterall, he was the kind of guy who would do these random things. You figured it might have been just a weird mixture of juices all together. You asked Armin to which he said that he was not even sure himself what was in the drink and would prefer to do the dares instead!

It went by turns and everyone seemed to have been doing the dares they were told to do, such as Jean getting a dare from Eren to call a random number and try to flirt with the person whoever picks up (and how he terribly failed on that, making everyone laugh like crazy). Overall, the night was going great and everyone seemed to having fun, including yourself! Although, you did not notice though that Levi, this whole time couldn’t take his eyes off you and Zeke noticed that instead. This was now Zeke’s time to ‘shine’.

“Okay. I got a dare for you. Y/N.” Zeke said with a smirk, looking directly at your eyes with his arms crossed, which made you jolt a bit, and this got everyone’s attention. Everyone was now curious what kind of dare Zeke would give you.

“Hm...” He stood there thinking and pushing his glasses a bit up, Levi started to slowly get irritated and was ready to beat this guy up anytime. He hated how he caught Zeke seductively looking at you and would sometimes add in flirty comments to you during the game, he found him extremely annoying and hated him even more.

“I dare you to kiss me.” He said bluntly with a grin, this made everyone yell out with a surprise, especially Hanji. “Oh my god! How lucky of her, Zeke is a great kisser Y/N!” Pieck said with a giggle, as soon as Zeke was gonna approach you, Levi got up and stood in front of him.

“Fuck that. I’m not gonna allow it.” Levi said with such a enraged and threatening tone while he glared at Zeke. Levi’s eyebrows frowned and his jawline was now tensed up, he was now ready to fucking kill the guy. How could he even make such a dare to Y/N? Levi clearly knew that he was trying to get on his nerves ever since he met him.

“I mean....I asked Y/N. And if not, she needs to drink. I mean it is part of the game!” Zeke said playfully while looking at you. Y/N now felt worried, she definitely did not want her first kiss to be with Zeke! and also she definitely did not want to drink Zeke’s drink as she felt very uncomfortable about it. But, she mostly felt worried for Levi, worried if he would actually beat up the popular guy and getting in trouble of it because of her!

Y/N quickly got up and held on Levi’s arm which made him slowly control his anger a bit with Zeke. But what happened next shocked you.

Levi went to the table, picked up Zeke’s Spinal Fluid drink and poured the whole drink on the floor. “No. Fuck you and your game anyways shit face.” Levi said in a pissed tone, his jaw still clenched and he gave Zeke such an intense eye contact which actually scared him a bit and took a step back, away from Levi. Everyone now was all shocked by what Levi did, they never saw him go this mad or angry, and the fact that it was because of this dare to Y/N was even more shocking. Most of the reason is also because Levi would never tolerate anyone who would make you feel uncomfortable or put you in a situation you didn’t like.

Levi then, just grabbed your hand and took you out of the room, and out of his place, you just held his hand tightly, looked at his back, his undercut and your eyes would widen. Feeling all the butterflies now in your stomach slowly growing, and having also getting your fuzzy feeling. You loved how Levi just did that all, for you.

You haven’t even realized, after walking out for such a long time with Levi, still holding his hand and looking at him from behind. You felt shy and even nervous to say anything, Y/N then looked around and realized they ended up in small garden park and Levi gestured you towards a bench to sit that was near the both of you.

“Hey. You okay?” Levi said, looking down at you with both of his hands in his pockets, focusing on your eyes and facial expressions for any sign of you feeling scared or uncomfortable. But found none, and instead you were calm and happy.

“Yup. Thanks Levi.” You said shyly and looked away. It was now quiet between the both of you. Levi wondered and thought to himself, why did he react like that earlier. He could have just easily walked you out with him and not say anything or even not pour the whole drink away, ruining the game and the mood. But, he didn’t care. Levi did then admit to himself that he actually felt a bit jealous when he saw how other guys tried to approach you, how they talked to you, and how you smiled at them when he barely gets to see that from you sometimes (and it was just because you were shy when it comes to your crush, Levi).

And Zeke, made it all worse and terrible for him. He hated how he just had the audacity to just flirt with you and touch you, Levi swore the next time he sees him, he will make sure to twist his arm.

He looked back at you, and then mumbled something, which got Y/N’s attention. “Hm? I didn’t quite hear that. What did you say?” You said in a curious tone and looked up at Levi, who was shyly looking away from you, and he started to slowly go red.

“I said....” Levi then mumbled it again the last few words. ‘What?!’ You thought to yourself, all confused and Levi then sigh and looked at you. Finally saying what was in his mind tonight to you. He didn’t care anymore, just being at the party tonight and all made him realize that he had to let you know how he really felt.

“Tch...I said that...I can kiss you better than that shit face.” You stood there, feeling as if your whole face burned up, and you jolted up from your seat. Not believing what he actually said. Levi then looked at you, and you could see his cheeks go red, feeling all embarrassed and flustered while scratching the back of his head. Oh my god. Was your words on repeat in your head this whole time.

Now, Levi had an internal monologue on whether what he was gonna do and say was the right or wrong thing. But it was now or never to tell Y/N whom he knew for quite a while that he was in love with her. He couldn't handle this foreign feeling he kept feeling all the time with you and every time he tried to avoid it, it kept growing.

He then mastered all his courage and took your hand and slightly pulled it while caressing it. “I hope that it’s true...”

“What it?” You said quietly but still having your shocked expression.

“If you are feeling what I am feeling now....Please let me know that it’s real.” Now, he sounded real soft, and he was begging you to finally give him a chance, to let him know and not to ignore this feeling you both shared, it was hard for him to even explain it and say it in words to you and he hoped you got his message. “Just hear me out tonight.” Even thought he was feeling a bit overwhelmed at how you might still not accept him and this. You were shocked, and surprised because this whole time you thought Levi wouldn’t want someone like you. He wouldn’t confess unless he knew for sure you reciprocated this feeling he had, but he wanted to hear it from you.

You nodded slightly and finally looked at him, at his eyes which was now glisten and realizing his love for you is real, while his pupil size increases, looking at you.

“Y/N, I’m falling for you. And, I can’t get you out of my mind.” He now took your other hand, and pulled you a bit slower, still looking at your eyes. “I am feeling love for the first time when it comes with you...I can also tell by the look in your eyes that...you do too.” He said gently and brought his hand to softly touch your side cheek, you felt his cold fingers warming up your cheek that you still felt burning up.

“So....Please let me love you. And give me a chance?” You finally felt your heart warm up but also melt at the same time, the fuzzy feeling kept on growing and your eyes now soften, to your eyes now tearing up, letting out your emotions. You felt happy and loved. And you thought, at long last love has arrived for Y/N, one which you craved a lot, especially from Levi. You decided to open your heart up for him and it was the best decision you ever made. Levi understood your actions and gave you a big smile, not even words can describe how he was feeling too, and he then, slowly went closer and closer to your face, to your lips, and finally. Levi kissed you. A sweet kiss under the beautiful moonlight, one you won't ever forget. Is this how love feels? How a kiss feels? Apparently it was Levi’s first kiss too and even though you both weren’t sure how to do it, you both didn’t mind, cause now you both are together, having each other, and with time Love would guide you both ♥

If only this happened sooner you wondered as you both kept on kissing and trying to kiss again and again to get the hang of it. He was happily and willing to listen if you just let him know how you were feeling from the start, but the same thing could be said to him too. And, he never found you childish, and instead he found you as his girl, which he can now say proudly.

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬: Apparently, it turned out that Zeke played out an act and everyone was part of it! It was mainly Hanji’s plan just to get Levi’s nerves and to make him or either you confess both of your feelings ASAP as everyone in your university campus was shipping you both so hard. But now, Zeke is scared shit of Levi and he would never do this again, never listening and following Hanji’s plan ever again.

wow I actually loved how this work turned out!♡ I really hope you like this anon and everyone else who read this I hope you enjoyed it too🥺 Please let me know by leaving a like, a reblog or a message!

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