#you wont go in the fucking pool by yourself and you think those look boring?
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my little brother needs to be severely humbled i swear to god he is the most cocky and egotistical little kid ever and has recently developed this "tough guy" persona and it makes me want to fucking punch him ❤️ i fucking hate it here he did not used to be like this
#this bitch is afraid of the dark and afraid of being alone etc etc but he literally refuses to admit either of those things#and wants to watch a horror movie but the ones we showed him the trailers for he didnt think looked scary enough#like are you fucking serious. we just showed you the most scary movies we could find that arent rated r#you wont go in the fucking pool by yourself and you think those look boring?#you turn every single light downstairs on when its night and youre walking to the bathroom#and youre telling me that none of those movies looked scary enough for you.#fuck off you stupid little fuck i hate you sometimes.#we literally had to take away his stuffed animals when he was like 7 because he was afraid of them bc his bio mom let him watch annabelle.#there have been soooo many instances of shit like that i swear to god that kid is afraid of everything#but no. apparently hes big and tough and unafraid now. (he isnt)#god.#13 year olds fucking suck i hate them i hate them.#i know that being 13 is hard but holy fuck. good fucking god.#also im never mean to him pls let this be known. i am always kind and considerate even though hes a dick to me constantly#holy fuck though.#aiilov-personal
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if you havent done something like this already could you do something where angel and reader argue like crazy and frustrate each other but really they're crushing on each other but wont admit it, and then it suddenly comes out when they're in a screaming match or something?😂
Hey darling! Thanks for the request I hope you enjoy it.💜
Take Me Home Reyes
Angel x Reader
Authors note: I apologize in advance for grammar mistakes
English isn’t my native language.
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist or add yourself to the
group chat
Warning: insecurity, swearing
Words: 1.424
Having a crush is not a bad thing. Having a crush on a guy who has women all over him all the time is weighing heavy on you. You thought about telling him but seeing him with these women you know you won’t have a chance.
’’You need to move on Y/n. ’’ your best friend says.
’’I know.’’
’’Glad we’re finally on the same page. I hate to see you running around with a fake smile. I wanna see a real one. You deserve to be happy. Tonight my dear Y/n we’re heading to the clubhouse. Ez would me that some charter is visiting and there’s a small party. So I’ll be playing matchmaker and find you a decent guy. Not buts and I won’t accept a no for an answer.’’ she says.
’’Let’s do this. I’m mean how bad can it be.’’ you give in knowing there is no room for a discussion.
’’That’s the spirit Y/N!’’ she exclaims happily.
Later that day
It didn’t take Y/bf/n long to find someone who seems to be interested in you and is your type.
So now you’re sitting here drinking and having fun with a guy you’ve just met.
’’What brings such a beautiful and intelligent woman here into a clubhouse full of outlaws.’’ he asks you and you your cheeks heat up.
’’My best friend is dating the prospect. One day he invited her and she didn’t want to go alone so i tagged along. Thats how I ended up here.’’ you explain to him.
’’And you stayed because?’’
’’They’ve grown on me. I never was that kind of person who enjoyed going to parties and large groups of people but I enjoy spending my time here. It feels like a big family get together I-’’ before you can continue Gilly interrupts you.
’’Sorry to interrupt but here’s the beer I owe you sweetheart.’’ he says handing you the beer.
’’You didn’t have to Gilly.’’ you try to argue.
’’Nonsense you won’t the bet and I lost.’’ he says.
’’Well thank you.’’ you smile.
’’I’ll leave you to lovebirds be’’ Gilly says and winks at you before walking away.
’’Sorry about that.’’ is all you get out.
’’It’s fine really. Wanna go outside?’’ he asks you and you nod before getting off the couch and following him outside.
Meanwhile - Angel’s Pov
’’How long do you wanna stare at them Bro?’’ Ez asks his older bother.
’’Depends on.’’
’’On what?’’ he wants to know but doesn’t get an answer out of him.
’’You sure you don’t have a thing for our sweet Y/n?’’
’’I don’t Ez why would I?’’ Angel says with a firm voice.
’’Look at those two. I’m glad she finally found a decent guy. I guess I did a good job. Don’t you think guys?’’ Angel turns his head to see your best friend taking a seat next to Ez.
’’Playing matchmake now?’’ Ez asks while Angel stays silent.
’’Yep someone has to.’’
’’You think this is a good idea? I mean you don’t know him you don’t know what his intention are.’’ Angel says not taking his eyes off you.
’’Neither do you Angel. C’mon Ez the pool table is waiting for us. You still owe me a rematch.’’ they leave while Angel continues to stare at you and your new friend.
When he sees the two of you leave the clubhouse something in him snaps. He decides to do something about it and follows the two of you outside.
Your Pov
’’Wanna go for a ride?Get away from here for a bit?’’ he asks you and before you can reply you hear a voice behind you.
’’C’mon Y/n leave that poor guy alone. He doesn’t deserve this.’’ You hear Angel say.
’’What is he talking about Y/n?’’ he asks confused.
’’I have no idea’’ you reply just as confused.
’’Stop playing around girl. I’ll explain it to you. My dear Y/n is fishing in the same water as we are and still from time to time she checks if she still could get a man which you just proved. Since I’m such a nice guy I try to save you from the heart break.’’ Angel explains while wrapping his arm around your shoulder.
’’Wow I better get going. Have fun playing your sick little game with someone else.’’ he spits out and you don’t really know what is happening.
’’Wait!Please! None of this is true.’’ you try to explain while shoving Angel away but he won’t listen. You turn around and see Angel standing there his hands in the pockets of his jeans smirking.
’’What is you fucking problem Angel?.’’ you yell and make your way over to where he is standing.
’’Don’t have one’’ he says and gives you a smile which makes you even more furious than you where before.
’’This isn’t funny asshole’’ you say and shove him again and again but the only thing he does is laugh.
’’STOP LAUGHING’’ you yell.
’’C’mon that do you even want with a guy like him? I was doing you a favor. You should be thankful Y/n.’’
’’Thankful! I should be THANKFUL? Did you run into a wall or something. The last thing I am right now is thankful. You’re a piece of shit Angel. I can’t believe I’m friends with a guy like you.’’
’’What guy am I? I’d really like to hear that’’ he asks you with a bight the smile on his face. You explode because he doesn’t take you or this conversation serious.
’’You Angel Reyes are an excuse of a human being. You can’t stand not being the center of attention. Which is why you did this. Since no woman was paying attention to you tonight you bored and decided to go out and ruin my chances with a sweet guy. God I don’t even know why I fell for you.’’ you said the last part more quiet and realized really quickly what just left your mouth hoping Angel didn’t hear you but he did.
’’What? Say that again Y/n.’’ he says and walks towards you while you take a step back.
’’Why so you can make fun of me. I know that I don’t have a chance with you. Let’s just forget this happened so I don’t have to feel more humiliated than I already do.’’ you say and your voice breaks. Tears are streaming down your face and before you know it you’re standing in the middle of the snap yard sobbing. Before you know it Angel pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around you tightly.
’’It’s okay mi dulce! It’s okay. I’ve got you Y/n.’’ he says while kissing your head. You give in and wrap your arms around his waist.
’’The reason why I said those things is because I can’t stand seeing you with a man that is not me. You had me hooked from the moment we met Y/n. I was just too much of a fool to make a move on you. You ARE good enough do you hear me sweetheart. You are. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise okay?! Can you forgive me?’’ he asks and you nod.
’’I should be the one asking you for forgiveness Angel. I’m sorry that I called you that.’’ you say and move away from him to be able to look at him properly.
’’It’s okay. I was an ass. I guess I kinda deserved it. You can make it up to me.’’
’’How?’’ you ask.
’’With a kiss’’
’’I guess that can be arranged.’’ you say and laugh.
You wrap your arms around his neck and his hands find the way to your hips. You stare at each other for a moment before you give him a soft kiss on the lips.
’’Wanna know how you can make it up to me?’’ you ask him and he nods.
’’Take me home Reyes. With you.’’ you say and he smile like a cheshire cat.
’’I like the way you think Y/n.’’ he says and smirks.
’’Forget it Reyes! I won’t be sleeping with you. No sex before the first date.’’ you say.
’’I guess I can live with that. I hope you’re not busy because I’ll take you out tomorrow night babe.’’
’’Cheeky bastard’’ you laugh.
’’That’s what made you fall for me.’’ he jokes.
’’Stop talking and get me out of here Reyes’’ you say and slap him playfully.
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The Way I Loved you
A long overdue Bucky fic for my girl @lannycleave consider this a delayed birthday gift <3
Also Please accept this as another entry to the wonderful @msmarvelwrites
2k Challenge because her challenege seems to be one of the only things able to inspire me at the moment.
Pairing Steve and Reader and Bucky and Reader.
Warning 18+ Only as it's smutty. Daddy kink (maybe idk). Angst. Some fluff (Steve being a perfect boring gentlemen). Surbuan Au type Thing
Not Proof read so my apologies.
Dating Steven Grant Rogers was a dream, He's charming and endearing and you were comfortable. He was reliable, never made you wait, always calling exactly when he says he will. A true prince charming on a white horse always there to sweep you off your feet.
He was always opening doors for you, got on with your mother and talked business with your father. You two were a match made in heaven, he a Captain in the army and you the perfect small-town girl that everyone wanted.
You never had to worry about where you stood with Steve, he would always tell you how beautiful you looked, have you home by a reasonable hour (even though you were in your 20’s and lived alone). He would always respect you and your space, never pushing you for more than a kiss, or at a push a steamy make out session.
However, that’s where the problem was, you were comfortable, you wanted passion, you wanted him to want you, touch you, fuck you. Anything just anything to make you feel that fire you had once felt with James Bucky Barnes. Sadly, Steve was just too much of a gentleman and would never do anything beyond a make out session in his car, he never came into your apartment always making up some excuse about how that wasn’t the proper thing to do.
Your single friends thought you were crazy. They were jealous. you had the perfect specimen of a man with his blonde hair and blue eyes and his abs, oh god his abs, he was perfectly sculpted almost like he had been made out of a bottle. He was a great kisser you just didn’t feel anything.
Then there was Bucky, he was also in the army, a Sergeant. He was just as muscular as Steve however where Steve had short blonde perfectly sculpted hair (like a ken doll except blonde), Bucky was a brunette, when you had first met him he had shaggy brown hair however he had cut it once he had been called up to the army.
Both had blue eyes, however where Steve’s sparkled, Bucky’s felt like the ocean like you were downing in them, and oh god the little lick of his lips he did when he smirked, it melted you into a puddle. Bucky had always adored you, calling you doll treating you right, but after the first tour things had changed.
Bucky had lost an arm and whilst he got an amazing prosthetic thanks to Stark industries the softness, he once had to him was long gone.
The love between you became somewhat toxic, screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and it's 2:00 a.m. and you were cursing his name. But the sex. Oh god the sex. It was always electric after a fight.
One minute your screaming and fighting, cursing telling him that you cant stand him, the next minute his lips would be crashing onto yours, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth. You let him take control because when Bucky Barens wanted you with such a raw animalistic way, who were you too refuse?
Buckys hands cupped your ass, urging you to jump and wrap your legs around him, Whilst you and Bucky were freaky, you weren’t quite fuck outside in your apartments front garden freaky. Buckys tall muscular frame was taught beneath the shirt as he carried you into your apartment.
Thankfully you were on the ground floor and as soon as Bucky was in your apartment he kicked the door shut behind him.
Bucky backed you against the wall next to the door your body becoming putty beneath his as he pushed his hardened cock against you, the friction of your PJ short. You couldn’t help but moan as your arousal started to soak through your shorts.
Bucky slipped his hand down your shorts and let out a dark chuckle.
“Stupid little slut of mine, already so wet for me and I’ve barley even begun, when im done with you, you wont even remember your own name” Bucky growled.
You loved Bucky, so you knew he would never do anything to truly hurt you, but the way his eyes darkened with arousal, hunger, a want for you, no a need for you, and the way he spoke down to you. Sent shivers down your spine and and arousal flooding to your pussy.
Bucky began harshly swipping your swollen clit, pushing one finger in and then another before he began harshly scissoring you with fingers.
“Dumb slut, whats the matter cat got your tongue? Bucky said pushing a third finger inside you, Buckys pace quickened working that magic spot, before long your orgasm was crashing through you. Bucky worked his fingers still inside you slowing the pace to bring you down form your high.
Once your breathing had slowed Bucky grabbed your legs which had dropped from his waist and pulled you tight around him before walking into your bedroom. He dropped you on the bed and began removing his pj pants.
He clicked to the spot on the floor in front of him.
“On your knees, bitch” he said. You complied arousal flooding through you again.
“There’s a good little girl” he cooed. You felt yourself flush at his appraisal.
By now Bucky had removed all his clothes and was standing in front of you his erect cock stretching out, you felt your mouth water slightly with anticipation. Bucky had a large cock, but it was also wide, your lips parted slightly as Bucky pumped his hand down his cock lazily. Bucky swiped his thumb over his bulbous head and gathered his pre-cum with his thumb, he then wiped it across your lips followed by a deep kiss.
You moaned slightly as the tang taste of his precum mixed with the taste of his lips. Suddenly Bucky broke the kiss and without warning he shoved his cock in your mouth. You whined slightly at the intrusion.
“That’s my good girl taking daddy’s cock so well. Wanna feel those pretty little lips do some good” Bucky then pulled his cock almost all the way out from your mouth before snapping his cock back into your mouth.
Bucky grabbed your hair and began to fuck your mouth at a relentless pace, you felt your eyes start to tear up as you gagged around his thick cock. You tried to remember how to breathe but you could feel yourself slipping into that cockdrunk haze Bucky seemed to put you in.
“Stupid little slut doesn’t know how to behave, seems to forget who loves her. That’s okay Daddy will help you remember” Bucky said slamming into your throat again. All you could do was whimper in response. Suddenly Bucky removed his cock from your mouth. He wiped your tears away and kissed you gently. He picked you up with ease and placed you on the bed.
Bucky rolled you round so you were face down before gently pulling your ass towards him. You didn’t let his sudden gentleness fool you, you knew Bucky was about to absolutely destroy you. You couldn’t help the arousal pooling in your cunt as Bucky ran his hands languidly along your body, leaving a trail of blazing hot kisses along your neck, shoulder and back.
“Such a pretty little girl when you’re quiet, what’s the matter baby, cat got your tounge?” Bucky said as he teased his cock along your wet folds and you mewled in response.
“Now you’re going to be a good little girl and take what daddy gives you aren’t you?” Bucky asked. You nodded in response.
“Need to hear you use your words Princess” Bucky growled.
“Yes daddy” you replied compliantly.
That was all the confirmation Bucky needed and then he plunged his hardened cock inside your waiting cunt the groan you let out was purely pornographic. Bucky stilled a moment inside you before he began to drag his cock along your walls. Buck tangled his hand in your hair and pulled you up so your back was flush with his chest. You sucked in a breath at the new angle as Bucky began to quicken his pace.
“Bucky” was all you managed to say as his other hand found its way to your clit. Bucky began to furiously swipe circles on your throbbing clit with his thumb as he slammed himself in and out of you, the only sounds that filled the air were the heavy breaths you were taking and slopping sound as Bucky pounded into you over and over.
Bucky could feel you were close by the way you would squeeze around him, you felt him grin against you as he quickened the pace of his thumb around your sensitive bundle of nerves, you could feel the coil in your stomach building at an alarming pace and before you knew it you were hurtling toward your second orgasm.
Bucky had two choices as he felt you squeeze around you, he could follow closely behind like he so desperately wanted too or he could drag this out for a while longer, however as he felt you clench around him in the way that makes him loose his mind every god-damn time he decided to chase his own release and soon you felt the ropes of his hot seed spilling inside you.
Bucky stayed inside you for a moment before gently pulling out of you, he went into the bathroom and ran a bath with your favourite bath salts before coming back for you and gently easing you in the bath.
Steve had picked you up at 8pm sharp he had told you to dress a little fancy and that he was taking you to dinner and dancing. You sat in your small town’s fancy restaurant ran by a local Italian family “Mastriani’s” you had the table tucked away in the corner surrounded by fairy lights, a bottle of red wine between you. Dinner had been equiste a rich tomato pasta dish with a sprinkling of cheese. You were waiting for desert when Steve removed his hand from yours.
You didnt think anything of it your thoughts were elsewhere and then Suddenly Steve was on the floor on one knee. His shiny blue eyes looking at you with such adoration.
“Y/N” he began.
“I know its only been 8 short months, but I love you with my entire being. I talked to your dad, all you have to do is pick out a white dress and say yes. Y/N will you make me the happiest man in town and do me the honour of becoming my wife” Steve asked.
Your mind began to race, Steve was proposing, you would be crazy not to say yes. Sure he was a bit boring, and you two hadn’t even had sex yet but he was a safe choice. Steve looked at you with love and adoration. And suddenly you couldn’t breathe, all you could think of was Bucky. Your eyes filled with tears but this didn’t worry Steve he believed they were happy tears.
“I’m sorry” you mumbled. Steve just looked at you puzzled, not sure he had heard you correctly. He took your hand in his and squeezed it tight, in what he hoped was a reassuring measure. You pulled your hand back with speed you didn’t know you had.
“I’m sorry Steve, I cant say yes” you said dropping your napkin on the table and rushing out the restaurant. You tried to block out the gasps and stares from the people around you.
When you got to the front of the restaurant it was hammering down with rain. You didn’t care you slipped of your heels and took of running. Your heart hammering in your chest as your red dress stuck to you in the rain. The warm summer wind whipping around you only soaking you more. Your vision was becoming obscured as the rain ran down your face but you didnt care. You had to see him.
After a 10 minute run in the rain you found yourself at his door, his jeep was outside but that didnt nessicarily mean he was home or if he was that he was alone. Fear gripped your chest tightly for a moment but you had come this far, no point turning back. You hammered on his door, after no immediate signs of movement you hammered again.
Suddenly you felt all the adrenaline leave your body, convinced Bucky was in their with another womans. You ran back down the stairs as tears started to form in your eyes you had just made it to he bottom when the door behind you opened.
“Y/N?” Bucky questioned. Rubbing his eyes. You paused on the step.
“Uh-yeah, forget it, I’ve clearly made a mistake coming here” You said before you started to run off down the street in the direction you had just come from.
Bucky, in nothing but pyjama pants didn’t hesitate to chase after you, grabbing his keys from the bowl near the door.
“Y/N! Wait!” He screamed at you. You couldn’t help but freeze on the spot. Bucky closed the distance between you in a matter of moments.
“Whats the matter Y/N? Did someone hurt you?” Bucky asked his hands hovering over your arms before ultimately he dropped them down to his side.
“He proposed” you whispered. Bucky recoiled as if you’d slapped him, his bright blue eyes darkened with sadness, his brown hair darkened by the rain.
“I’m sure you’ll be very happy together” Bucky chuckled darkly.
He knew he hadn’t treated you the best when you were together but still it hurt the thought of Steve Rogers, golden boy touching his girl.
“I didn’t say yes” you said reaching for him. Bucky stood frozen in shock, why were you here then if not to rub it in his face that he had messed up his chance with you.
“When he proposed, all I could think was how it wasn’t you” your voice came out in a choke. Even now you were scared that he didn’t love you.
Bucky felt all the breath in him leave at once, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You mistook his silence as a bad thing.
“I miss everything about you Buck, I miss how you would moan at me for leaving the toothpaste cap off and how you could never find it. I miss the way your blue eyes would light up like Christmas anytime you met a cat. I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when its 2am and I’m cursing your name, because that’s the way I love you” you cried. All at once Bucky’s hands were on your face and his lips were crashing against yours. Rain poured down around you but in that moment all that existed was Bucky and you.
#steve rogers x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#steve rogers fluff#steve rogers fanfiction#bucky smut#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes fanfiction#steve x female reader#soft steve#avengers au#avengers fanfiction#avengers#ms marvel 2k challenge
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Prompt: Fairy prince Kakashi and lost human Sakura in a top that says "heartbreaker" "Do you humans often wear your titles proudly upon your chest?" 'A breaker of hearts' what an absurd thing to be."
Hi! Thank you for the prompt! I hope you like this! <3 @thatbabefiona
Sakura tripped over an overgrown root with a curse, a giggle, and a hiccup. Oh man, she was drunk—very drunk. She stumbled a bit before righting herself with a deep breath.
“Okay, bitch,” she mumbled to herself, sniffing as she tugged on the hem of her favorite low-cut top then pulled on the sleeves of Kiba’s flannel, “Pull yourself together. You’ve gotta win this thing.”
Placing her hands on her hips, Sakura casted a look around to gain her bearings. She stood in a nice little clearing in the middle of the woods, the sounds of emerging nocturnal critters filling the silence. The sun was setting and she knew without a doubt that if she dawdled for just a second more, she’d be absolutely and positively fucked.
In all honesty, Sakura felt that, at 25, she and her group of friends were getting too old to be doing their annual scavenger hunt. It had been fun when they were teens and even in their early twenties, but now they were just running out of ideas and it was getting to be a bit tedious and boring.
This year, they had placed Naruto in charge and Sakura thought that their group of friends would know by now that one could never trust Naruto with anything. He was just so unpredictable, and things always had a way of going wrong when he was at the helm; and to make matters worse, he had made Kiba his “second in command.”
Kiba was like a second Naruto but with facial hair.
Which led to her current predicament: standing alone in the middle of the woods looking for some silly object.
The night had started the same as every other year: they met at the hosts house, had some drinks, then commenced their hunt. This year Shikamaru was the host due to pulling the longest stick twelve years ago.
The Naras had a nice house—it was situated at the border of Konoha’s hiking trails and preserves—and normally Sakura would have loved to hang out on their backyard patio, swinging on Shikamaru’s hammock and enjoying the nice end of summer breeze; but this year that luxury was squashed by Dumb and Dumber’s announcement that their scavenger hunt was in the woods.
Now don’t get Sakura wrong—she had no problems with Konoha’s preserves and trails…during the day. But at night, whenever she was unfortunate enough to linger in the area, it always gave her the heebie-jeebies. There was something just not right with the place. She always felt like she was being watched, like something was following her, or like there was a secret she wasn’t privy too.
In short, she didn’t like being in there after dark.
Which is why, when Kiba announced their arena for the night, Sakura started taking shots of Fireball as if it could magically give her actual balls of fire. In hindsight, it was a bad idea. If maybe she had been a bit more sober, she wouldn’t be in her current predicament.
Sakura was lost.
Wait. She squinted at the base of a tree, making her way towards a small patch of mushrooms she was sure she’d passed on her way into the deeper parts of the woods.
Ah, nope. I’m lost.
Now you must surely be wondering how she’d be lost on her own if she had been with a group of people, and Sakura will gladly tell you how this came to be.
As kids, their game had first started with twelve people, which was great because that was an even number for three teams of four.
But then they (as teenagers were wont to do) discovered hormones and started pairing off. And that was fine because her friends were finding love with each other so that led to solid teams; and some of her friends were single so it wasn’t awkward for those who weren’t all kissy-kissy with their boyfriends and girlfriends.
That was until those who were single started dating people outside their usual group of friends and bringing them to the scavenger hunt. It was always a pain trying to make adjustments to their dynamic and adding them to teams—trying to fit a stranger who didn’t know how things worked.
Flings came and went until they were left with serious relationships. So, in the end, their number went from twelve to eighteen this year.
Or so Sakura thought.
She’d had a bit of a thing with one of her friends for a little over a year, beginning last year ironically during a scavenger hunt. She’d always had a crush on Sasuke, how could she not?
He was everything her little teenage angsty girl heart could ever want. He was like a angry surly cat she wanted to tame and bring home and love forever and ever.
But reality kind of sucks and Sasuke wasn’t a cat—surly and angry, but not a cat—and in the end, things didn’t work out, so they cut it off a little over two months ago. They were still friends—Sakura wouldn’t lie and say she didn’t care for him—but good sex wasn’t enough to make her stay.
Especially not when he admitted to her face that he didn’t think he had the emotional capabilities to “do” relationships.
So, imagine her surprise when he showed up to Shikamaru and Temari’s house with Naruto’s cousin on his arm. Sakura didn’t have a problem with Karin, in fact, she actually quite liked the fiery red head. It just hurt to see him moving on so soon and made her question all the things he’d said to her.
Because of Karin’s presence, the teams went from three groups of six to two groups of six and one group of seven.
In the end, Sakura ended up as the nineteenth wheel. She was the odd man out and the whole thing chafed, so she finished the entire bottle of Fireball Whiskey by herself and tried not to think about the couple exchanging soft words by the coolers.
She was placed on Ino’s team because the blonde, bless her heart, took an instant disliking to Karin on Sakura’s behalf.
“Well, if you won’t hate her, I will,” she’d said haughtily as she started writing their team name down on name tags. “Who does that hussy think she is? Everyone knows you and Sasuke were supposed to end up together, that’s why Lee finally gave up and got himself a girlfriend!”
Ino’s lips had pursed in irritation. “And now look—now we have uneven teams. Sasuke is such a dick.”
Ino had a point, Sasuke was a dick, but not for including Karin.
By the time they had broken off into their teams (theirs being the Heartbreakers), Sakura was too drunk to care about Ol’ Duck Butt and his Ketchup bottle girlfriend. In fact, when they’d started the hunt, she was having a great time! She wasn’t even thinking about how she was the seventh wheel and the only single person in her group of friends.
That was until their team had bumped into Naruto’s team and both sunshine blondes of her life started going at each other’s throats about winning the $475 pool. As soon as they parted ways, things went left.
“Alright!” Ino had stomped her foot, teeth gritting and eyes flashing dangerously, “There is no way we’re losing to that blockhead! We only have four things left. So that means we’re splitting up! Everyone grab a partner, pick a thing, and let’s get moving!”
The couples were quick to take hold of each other’s hands, announce their item and go in different directions—which left Sakura standing awkwardly by herself, alone in the creepy woods she hated being in in the first place.
She’d stood there for a moment, swaying a bit on her feet, before clearing her throat and starting to walk, huffing along as she went, “This is fine. We’re fine. I’m fine.”
Which leads us to where she is now, looking for a green glass bottle to match the color of her eyes.
And no, she wasn’t being vain, that was literally what the list said in Naruto’s photo copied block letters: “Green glass bottle that looks like Sakura’s eyes.”
The sun was setting quicker than she thought possible and even as drunk and uncaring as she was, it still served to make her feel uneasy. Sakura started feeling that sensation of being watched and it made her swallow nervously. But of course, they don’t call alcohol liquid courage without reason, so she trudged on in search of a glass bottle.
She pulled out her phone to check the time and saw a text message from Ino. Swiping her thumb across the screen, she squinted her eyes and tried to make out what in the hell the blonde was trying to say.
•
Peppa-Pig: Hry thr hell up 5 hed! We got our shiiiiizzzz! w8n on u! Wher r u?!
•
She’d just gone to reply when her screen went dark, indicating a dead battery. Sakura cursed at the block of technology in her hand, shaking it as if it would make it turn back on. As such, she didn’t notice the body in front of her until it was too late.
She bumped into what felt like a brick wall and was saved from falling on her butt only by virtue of being steadied by two large hands. Even still, she cursed as she cradled her throbbing nose, tears springing to her eyes and a pounding headache quickly taking the place of that nice cottony buzz she had going on.
“Ow!” She cried. “What the hell?!”
In between her rapid blinking, she could make out a man standing in front of her, tall as hell and super sparkly.
She tried blinking the tears away. Nope, still sparkly. She wiped her eyes, smearing what little bit of makeup she had on, and her jaw slackened.
In front of her stood the most gorgeous man she had ever had the pleasure of setting her eyes upon. Wherever the sun touched his skin, it sparkled like the finest marble. Green eyes drank in his face like a woman starved and by the way she was staring at him, you’d think she’d never seen a man before in her life.
Well, a man like this, at least. Which she sure hasn’t. Not at all.
His eyes shone like they were cut from granite and were framed by a set of finely shaped brows. They stared at her with open curiosity and maybe even a bit of contempt. Sakura’s eyes immediately wandered to his hair, spun out of what could only be pure moonlight. In it sat a crown of ivy and gold, and he only wore a pair of green pants slung low on his hips. No shoes, no shirt.
Sakura shut her mouth with an audible click.
Then she started giggling. Uncontrollably.
“Holy shit, girl,” she gasped in between hysterics, “How much did you drink?! You’re hallucinating! You’re seeing fairies and crap!”
She bent over as full belly giggles took over, her pastel hair falling in curtains around her face, and when she straightened she was alone in the creepy forest of doom once more. Sakura shook her head; that was the absolute last time she was ever drinking Fireball Whiskey.
As soon as she got back to Shikamaru’s house, she was going to find out which one of those assholes slipped something into her drink and make them eat her fist.
“Do you humans often wear your titles proudly upon your chest?”
Sakura screeched, tilting her head back to see the same man from before standing on a branch above her.
“A ‘breaker of hearts,’ what an absurd thing to be,” he scoffed as he crossed his arms.
“Holy shit!” Sakura cried as she openly gaped up at him then scrambled back as he stepped off the branch to gracefully land in front of her like it were totally normal for men to fall out of trees.
He stepped towards her, completely invading her space, eyes narrowed and focused on her chest intently.
So, Sakura did what any woman in her position would do.
She slapped him.
The man reared back in shock and Sakura quickly covered her chest, her finger catching on the name tag Ino had stuck on there.
The man cradled his cheek as he stared back in disbelief.
“You struck me!” He exclaimed, eyes blazing as he took a threatening step towards her.
“You were being a pervert!” Sakura snapped, hands curling into fists.
“What?!”
“You were staring at my chest!”
The man gestured wildly at her torso, his little gold leaf crown sitting askew in his hair. “Only because you proclaim yourself to be a breaker of hearts!”
Sakura’s eyes narrowed in confusion before her lips rounded as she realized he was talking about her team’s name. Then her eyebrow shot to her hairline. Okay, this guy was weird.
“It’s a nickname,” she informed slowly because clearly this guy was missing a few screws. “Nothing special about it.”
The man’s arms crossed over his well sculpted chest, his crown still sitting lopsided in his hair, and Sakura wanted so badly to fix it because it was driving her crazy and he looked absolutely ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous….
“Sir—”
“Prince Kakashi.”
Sakura rolled her eyes, deciding to humor him for now.
“Okay, Prince Kakashi,” she saw him grit his teeth at her mocking tone. “Do you not know about nicknames? Why are you wearing a costume?”
Kakashi stared at her blankly to the point she was worried he’d gone brain dead and catatonic right before her eyes.
“A costume?” He repeated, head tilting to the side in a way reminiscent of a puppy. “This is royal attire.”
Sakura’s other eyebrow joined its sister at her hairline. Okay, so the guy was extremely hot, but he was also extremely weird. Now the question was, was he hot enough to overlook the weirdness?
He reached up to finally straighten his tilted crown and Sakura nearly swooned at the sight of his rippling muscles. Okay, so yes, he was hot enough and she was drunk enough.
So, because she hadn’t gotten laid in a while, Sakura took a step towards him and felt a bit of a thrill when he didn’t step back.
“Do you want to know why they call me a ‘Heartbreaker,’ Kakashi?” She teased, hands held tightly behind her back.
Kakashi’s eyes widened then narrowed suspiciously.
“Prince Kakashi,” he corrected, and Sakura nodded her head placatingly.
“Yes, yes, Prince Kakashi,” she cooed. “Do you want to know why?”
He took a closer step towards her and Sakura would be a filthy liar if she said it didn’t exhilarate her to be doing something so unlike her and bold.
His voice was a growl, husky and as electrifying as his eyes as he looked down at her, “Yes.”
“Then kiss me and find out.”
She only had a second to doubt and wonder about her actions before he, surprisingly gentle, curled his hands around her face and lowered his pillow soft lips onto her own.
Immediately, Sakura knew that this kiss would ruin her life. By the way he slanted his lips across her own, quickly taking control and sweeping his tongue along her lower lip and then teasing her tongue, she knew that she’d been kissing amateurs her whole life.
This was a kiss. This was mind blowing and the stuff of dreams.
And she wasn’t saying that because she was drunk.
Kakashi wrapped a corded arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him and pressing her to his chest. The angle made it so that he was too tall to reach, so they parted for a second only so that he could back her into a tree to hoist her up. Sakura’s legs wrapped around him as he buried his hands in her thick locks of hair, tugging on them gently so he could trail kisses down her neck.
Sakura had a fleeting thought that this was escalating quickly and that Hinata would surely be disappointed in her for kissing strange men in darkened woods. But Ino would be cackling madly and would probably be proud of her.
It’s that thought that makes her grind her hips into Kakashi, legs tightening desperately around him. She could feel him and wondered if she had it in her to have sex against this tree with a stranger.
Ino would have, if she were in her shoes and didn’t have Sai.
Kakashi moaned low in his throat as the kiss deepened further, Sakura raking her nails down his back and digging her feet into his lower back to bring him closer to where she wanted him most.
She could hear Ino now: calling her name and cheering her on.
Wait, that was Ino calling her name.
“Sakura!” She heard Ino call from the distance, then some more of her friends. “Where are you!?”
Sakura pulled back from Kakashi’s lips and rested her forehead on his shoulder with a groan, unwrapping her legs from around him and sliding slowly down his body.
He chuckled. “You are certainly a breaker of hearts.”
Fixing up her mussed hair, Sakura couldn’t help but laugh.
“I could say the same about you…” then as an afterthought, she added cheekily, “Prince Kakashi.”
Rolling his eyes, Kakashi adjusted himself before stepping away from her, the marks from her nails glaringly bright against his pale skin. Sakura felt bad but found that she liked that she left her mark on him.
She fidgeted a bit. Now that they weren’t on top of each other and she was sobering up, she had no idea what to say.
“Um—”
“I will find you again, worry not.”
Her shoulders sagged in relief. Kakashi tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers trailing gently over the soft skin of her cheek. She could hear her friends’ footsteps and voices as they got closer to finding her and she sighed. He leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead and then her mouth.
“I will visit you soon,” he murmured against her lips as her eyes slipped shut, savoring the moment with this gorgeous and enticing stranger.
“I will see you soon, Heartbreaker.”
And when she opened her eyes, she gasped as she saw him disappear into a tree. Not behind, but inside the tree! He gave her a cheeky wink and then he was gone, vines wrapping around the tree and flowers growing in the space he once stood. And with him went the feeling of being watched and followed.
Sakura felt a tickle near her ear just as Ino came up behind her with an exasperated cry of “Sakura! Where have you been?!”
Reaching up to touch the cherry blossom sprig tucked in her hair, Sakura only had one thought in her head.
Holy crap, I just made out with a fairy prince.
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5/18/20 - type time 732-822pm
so yesterday i went on tinder just like i always do when im feeling extra bored and lonely. well anyway i matched with cute looking boy so he messages me.
PS im writing all of this here because i feel weird telling my friends what was all said. i told them a bit but not everything.
so we end up talking, and surprisingly it was a good conversation. it was very random though. im laughing and smiling at my phone. my conversations die fast or are about topics i dont really care for. im always into the conversation though no matter what especially because i like talking to people. moving on, you cant send picture on tinder so he sends me his number while reassuring me that he wont be sending dick pics (yay). he’s ranting on and on, flooding my phone with compliments. we’re talking this whole quarantine to him thanking the universe he’s glad he’s talking to a person who is pretty and cool. we talk about all the weird interactions we’ve had on this app and how everyone is soooo horny. he goes to tell me he loves my hair, he says i look like the type of girl, in a show, if i had just gone through hell, and i were to run my fingers through my hair it would just fall back into over my face so perfectly. i was like wtf. i didnt know what to say because that is very very very far from the truth. i would just look like hell. we go on to talk about our personalities and whether we are more introverted or extroverted. he’s more introvert while im more extrovert. i told him though it kind of changes depending on the situation like if i was on a date or getting serious with a person. we talk about how we hate it when people are mean to others by telling others to be quiet when theyre being too loud when it isn’t bothering anyone (does that make sense) like if youre having a good time by yourself and someone tells you to shut up or be quiet because it’s annoying them. he said he would never ever tell me to be quiet. he’s only really loud when he’s excited or passionate about something. we talk more of our dating life, he has a bigger dating pool than me though. he asks me again for the fifth time later; how am i doing, are you bangin, are you sewing sweaters? he wants to know everything. this all has me confused and intrigued. is it weird that i feel like he is very interested in actually talking to me. he asks me if i would be willingly to break quarantine to hang out. i tell him quarantine is okay eh.. im holding up okay, i do need to worry about my big head that only has two brain cells left. i also tell him im the biggest broke bitch he’ll ever meet. he says i wont ask you to pay for anything so dont worry your big head. he understands i dont want to go out. he says we can just talk and hangout over facetime. he proceeds to ask if he can ft me right now. its 2am and i look like a fucking mess. i say im a catfish he says fuck it, im half awake and im not looking for looks. next thing i know he’s calling. we talk for three hours.
what happens in those next three hours is weird. i dont even know what happened. well immediately i ask him about his tattoos so he gives me the whole run down of his tattoos on his arms. there super cool i like them. my favorite word is yuck and apparently that’s his too because he has that tattooed on his wrist. the meaning is sad kind of he said thats how he felt about himself when he was younger so that drove him to doing that tattoo to himself. he has another arm tattoo where he throws a small detail of him having it to remind him of his friend, his old life of being on the streets and being addicted to drugs. this threw me off because he brushed over it like it was nothing. i didn’t know what else to say. i said uh okay. i wanted to scream are you okay? are you sober now? how are you? but nothing came out. he talks of his other tattoos. conversation changes to him complimenting me again. he wants to see my while face instead just my eyes and nose. i tell him about piercings. he talks about his band. he talks about the punk community. he’s rambling but it doesn’t bother me because i like how soft and soothing his voice is. he continues telling me how pretty i am, like he doesn’t stop for like two minutes. at this point i tell him im not going to respond to you anymore, im not going to take it. he tells me to take it. i take it. i dont believe him though. he can’t see my body, he can barely see my face. i have ance and my face is fat. i know i look disgusting. as he continues to say nice things about me i feel like he’s lying because no one does that. i feel like he’s saying to just make fun of me. im hating all of this. i try not to blush. im smiling. i always change the subject when he makes me feel weird and uncomfortable by saying okay or alrighty anyway. he asks me where are you from, whats make me, me? i try to think of things to say. i tell him about my being in california with no family. i tell him that the one thing that matters the most to me if my relationship with my little sister and all my friends. he agrees because same. he goes on to relate and tells me he’s all alone too. he tells me his dad is gone, his mom is too. he’s an alcoholic. he’s sober now he’s been sober for a year now. he’s okay. i tell him im sorry. im proud of you and how far you have come. im always here if you want to talk. he says no no no no dont say any of that stuff. i tell him again and that i mean it. i really do mean it too. (IF NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOURE STILLING READING THANK YOU AND ILY, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH OBSESSIVE OR ADDICTIONS please be there for them, it gets super hard to be there but try and help them push through another day) we go on to more random talking. before i finally get sleepy and he says he’s gonna let me go and sleep. he asks if we can see each other. he tells me when he first saw me he wanted to fuck me but he knew that wouldn’t make him feel any better. he’d still be alone. he then decided to message me because he actually felt like putting in the effort to get to know me. not just for sake of fucking me but to know me like he seems to do a little now. he doesn’t much know about me though. he asks if we can talk tomorrow. he says i hope we can actually meet up and im totally cool with just hanging out with you and just vibing. we dont have to do anything. i just want to chill with you. i tell him thanks for telling me all of this. i appreciate it because many guys dont say any of this. i say yes we can talk tomorrow, i’ll text you. we can be friends and once this all settles down maybe we can meet in person. he then tells me, im only going to say this once and im never going to remind you again. im cool with friends with you but that’s not my intention. i want to be more than friends, i want to your person, your boyfriend. but until youre ready after a while of us talking and when it crosses your mind where you like me and think of me differently then we can move on to being more. i was just sitting starring at my phone in shock. i didnt know what to do or say. i was confused. in my mind i wss like okay yes we have a 2 hour text convo and a 3 hour phone call but what. you cant say of this after that can you. i agreed because it was the only that could come out of my mouth at the time. he says okay, my name, i’ll you go and sleep. goodnight. i tell him goodnight. we hang up the phone. now i turn my body around to my back on the bed starring at the ceiling saying what the hell just happened. i fall asleep.
IM sORRY for my ramble. i was in shock and im confused and scared like what if turns out to be bad for me. but all the compliments, the soothing voice, the small hints well actually big hints of his battle with addiction. ps he also tells me about his anger issues and therapy. i feel weird. i slowly started to be seduced by him, like he started to seduce me. iykyk lmao.
#rant#ramblings#scared shitles#addiction#new guy#ana#bulimja#skiny girl#i'm sad#loneliest#quarantine
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FaceTime
Summary: Hidan misses your touch, and there's no fucking way he's waiting to let you know that. Modern AU. NSFW.
(Or: Hidan interrupts your meeting so you can help him release some tension. Things get steamy.) Re-post.
Hidan x Reader. Smut.
Warnings: HIDAN’S FILTHY MOUTH. Dirty talk, name calling, degradation, etc.
Rules | Masterpost
When your phone went off during your meeting, you went as red as a cherry tomato, excusing yourself from the conference table as you rushed out the door. The ringtone was familiar; you had only set it for one, and one person only after all. The whole time you had ignoring the constant buzzing of your phone in your pocket, but it seemed that you had forgotten to turn off the ring volume.
When you were in a hallway away from the room, you checked your phone screen, before sighing and angrily clicking the red ‘end’ button. Your eye twitched once you noticed the several missed calls. You had explicitly told him that there was a staff meeting at this time, and to not call you. There was no way in hell you were entertaining him and his whims. You scrolled through the messages on your phone, feeling heat rise to your cheeks despite your annoyance.
“(y/n) im horny”
“lets video chat”
“why wont you respond”
“im as hard as fuckin rock i cant take care of this myself”
“(y/n) im REALLY FUCKING HORNY right now respond already goddamnit”
Just as you were about to reply, a FaceTime request popped up on your screen, and this time you answered it. You were met with the sight of your shirtless boyfriend, Hidan, his sangria-red eyes glaring at you.
“What the hell? Why wouldn’t you pick up?”
“Listen, Hidan,” you hissed. You knew he could be inconsiderate, but this was pushing it. “I told you I was at a meeting; I’m not just going to pick up the phone to help you—to help you fap!”
“Well, why the fuck not?” he said, indignant. “This is much better than that boring shit you have to sit through.”
You glared at him for awhile, before sighing in defeat. There was no point in winning an argument against Hidan, the man was as stubborn as he was contentious. Movement caught your eye, and you squinted at the screen. “Are you—are you jerking yourself off while we’re talking?”
Hidan rolled his eyes. “Of course I am! I told you I was fucking horny, didn’t I?” He angled his phone camera downward to give you a close-up of his cock, standing fully erect and flushed red, as his hand worked over it.
You nearly screeched, clamping your phone to your chest as you glanced around to make sure no one saw that. There was no one in sight, but nonetheless, you briskly walked towards the restroom at the end of the hall, which was conveniently a single room with a lock. After securing the door, you whipped your phone out to face a smug-looking Hidan. “Don’t do that, you dummy! I was in the hallway; anyone could behind me could have seen you!”
He snorted, looking as if he didn’t give two shits about the chance of exposure (and you knew from experience that he didn’t). “I didn’t tell you to answer your phone in public, woman.”
You bit back a retort. Hidan had propped his phone up against something, and you now had a full frontal view of him lazily stroking himself. Despite your reservations, you felt heat pooling in your lower regions at the sight. As if he knew this, he made a good show of squeezing his shaft as he stroked downwards, groaning and cursing with the motion. A thin bead of pre-cum formed at his tip, and he smeared it onto his head.
“Fuuuuuck. Yeah, that feels good. Fuck, you know what would feel even better though?” he said, making eye contact. He went straight to the dirty talk. “Your mouth working my cock, sucking the life out of me like the little slut you are—”
You rubbed your thighs together, feeling the unbearable dampness of your panties. You considered your options. With the door locked, there was no chance of anyone coming in. Since this bathroom was in the furthest east wing of the building, rarely did people come this way. And god, did you really miss Hidan. These past months without him had been unbearable, without his smart, cocky mouth, and his rough hands on yours, groping and slapping with no discretion. Did you ever miss the times when he would shove you against a wall, before slamming into you and using his shirt as a gag to muffle your moans….
You groaned, wrestling off your tie and jacket. You propped your phone up with a vase on the shelf, angling it so that he could see you fully, then unbuttoned your shirt with hurried movements. “You win, you little shit. You better make this worth me missing my meeting.”
“You won’t be disappointed.” Hidan grinned through the screen as you slipped the shirt off your body, leaving you clad in a lacy white bra and pencil skirt. You turned your back towards him, bending down and making sure to sway your ass from side to side as it slipped down your thighs.
Hidan groaned at your strip tease. “Fuck, you little bitch. Who do you think you are, teasing me like that?” He increased the pace of his pumping, tugging roughly at his shaft. “If you don’t hurry the fuck up, I’m going to fuck you so hard you can’t speak.”
“Oh?” you said, stopping short of unclasping your bra. “Who said you could boss me around like that, huh?” With slow movements, you unclasped each piece of your bra, sliding it slowly down your arms, before stopping right before the entirety of your breasts are revealed. Hidan groaned into the camera, muttering a “god—fucking—damnit.”
“I said so, you little slut. No one else can make you cum as hard as I can, or scream as loud as I can. Now let me see those tits.”
You removed your bra, the material pooling at your feet. The heat of your lower regions proved to be unbearable and you slipped a hand down your panties, biting your lip at how intense the sensations hit you.
“Shit, are you touching yourself already? Can’t fucking wait, can you? You’re so fucking wet for me and I haven’t done a thing.” Hidan attempted to sound smug, but his labored breathing betrayed his undeniable arousal.
“S-Shut up,” you breathed, circling your clit through your panties. “Y-You talk too much. If you’re not gonna hurry over here and fuck me good, y-you don’t…g-get to claim shit.”
“Pfft, claim shit? Babe, I always fuck you good and hard, and you know it. I know you can’t fucking resist me.”
“S-says the one who – ahh – called me, begging me to help him with his p…problem.”
Hidan grunted, his hand speeding up when he saw you, unbearably aching, discarding your underwear to touch yourself fully. You adjusted the angle of your phone before sitting down on the closed toilet seat. Your fingers trailed down to your button, and you clenched your eyes shut at the sensations.
“Damn right I did,” Hidan said distractedly, absorbed with the sight of you pleasuring yourself. He inhales deeply before cutting straight to the point. “So you gonna help me cum or what?”
“W-what do you think I’ve been d-doing, you…dumbass?” You gasped, losing yourself in the feeling of your touch. God, you hadn’t done this for awhile, and on your own, your fingers weren’t nearly as satisfying. But with Hidan here, even his mere presence and familiar filthy mouth—you were suddenly hyperaware of every brush against your sensitive folds.
He rolled his eyes once more. “Well, fuck, I’m not gonna cum like this, woman. Be a good girl and spread those legs for me.”
“M-make me,” you challenged breathlessly, before slipping two fingers into yourself. You made sure to drag out your moans loud and clear in the bathroom, as Hidan cursed violently from his end.
“God—fuck—don’t be such a fucking tease.” Hidan’s eyes narrowed, his jaw clenching as he took a deep breath. “Don’t make me fucking punish you when I get back there.”
“Oh?” Your movements stopped suddenly, despite the insistent pulsating of your clit. “What are you going to do about it, hmm?” You wanted—no, needed—to hear what he had to say. Needed to be talked down to, to hear that he was just as affected by the distance and as needy as you were.
Hidan’s voice was strained when he spoke. “I’m going to fuck you so fucking hard, you won’t even make it to the bed before I slam into you. You won’t be able to be such a fucking tease with that mouth of yours, not when it’ll be filled with my cock.”
You moaned, his lewdness fueling your imagination as you spread your legs apart. You thrust your fingers rapidly, your increased wetness making them slide in easier, as your thumb stroked your clit. Hidan soaked in the sight of you spread before him greedily, taking in every inch of it, from your head thrown back in pleasure to the way your body trembled with needy gasps.
“Fuck,” he said. “Fuck, fuck, shit, you’re so fucking hot, fuck.” His pumps became rougher as he practically manhandled his shaft, jerking at his cock roughly. It was good, but he needed more. “Squeeze your tits.”
One hand came up to grope at your breast and you moaned brokenly, clenching your thighs shut. Hidan greedily took in the sight, squeezing himself.
“Now play with yourself,” he demanded. “I know you can fit another finger in there. You always suck my dick up so fucking tight. Like you can’t get enough of it, huh, you slut?”
“G-God, yes,” you gasped out, too far gone in the sensations to care what you’re saying. You add another finger to your thrusts, moaning as you hit a spot that has your toes curling. “H-Hidan—fuck—I need to cum so bad,” you whined.
“You’re not going to cum till I say so, you slut,” he grit through his teeth, his movements becoming jerky, erratic.
You whined again, breath hitching you began to ruthlessly thrust into that spot before curling your fingers. Your other hand grasped onto the toilet seat beneath you, attempting to find some semblance of grounding. You hadn’t teetered so enticingly close to release in a while that you grasped at any chance to cum, including an idea that popped into your head.
“Do you remember…that night we went out for dinner with Kakuzu and Kisame?” you said between gasps. “You p-played with me underneath the table, and followed me to the b-bathroom afterwards.”
“Fuck, you were giving me those fucking eyes across the table.” He lost himself in the memories, tilting his head back and clenching his eyes shut as he stroked himself harshly. “You wanted to be fucked. You nearly attacked when we got to the stall.”
“You took me against the door,” you continued. “And god, it felt so amazing having your cock slide into me, a-ahh. The door kept creaking as you pounded into me….We scared everyone away from the bathroom.”
Hidan smirked, his breath coming out in heavy pants now as he faced you with a devious glint in his eye. “No, it was your screams…that made them run. Couldn’t keep that voice down, could you? ‘Hidan, Hidan, fuck me harder, please Hidan’—you dirty whore.” He groaned.
“I-I—“ You bit your lip hard enough to draw blood, your thighs tensing around your hands. The metallic tang on your tongue has you moaning. “I still think about it a-at night. When you come back…fuck, I just wanna ride you till morning.”
He snorted, his voice coming out strangled. “Damn right we’re gonna fuck like crazy when I get back. You better clear out that week, ‘cause…there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to w-walk.” He cursed at his stutter, feeling himself get dangerously close to his end.
“I-I…I want you to take me in public again. A-ah, some place where everyone c-can…hear your skin slapping against mine…w-where I have to bite down on your fingers t-to…hold back my screams, a-ah, w-where…y-you bite down on my shoulder when you c-come to…muffle your groans.”
“Fuck, (Y/N). Fuck.” Your words proved to be Hidan’s undoing as he groaned, his body lurching forward as he came in spurts. A steady stream of curses flew from his mouth as he stroked himself through his orgasm, his release spilling down his fingers. Breathing heavily, he continued to slowly move his hand up and down his shaft as it throbbed in overstimulation.
Likewise, the sight of Hidan’s intense climax was all too much for you. The pressure building steadily in your lower regions escalated to the full out crash of a wave. Gasping, you came hard around your fingers, white flashing beneath your eyelids. Your body was locked in place for the longest time, before you slumped forward on the toilet seat, struggling to regain your breath as your lower regions pulsed in the aftermath.
“Shit, that was hot,” Hidan grunted, having witnessed your orgasm through the phone screen. He felt heat creep into the base of his cock, and before he knew it, he was at half-mast again. He sent you a cocky grin, speaking up once you had regained coherency. “Well, looks like you can help me out again, eh?”
Through the haze retreating from your mind, a knock on your door had your heart jumping up to your throat. Your eyes widened as you glanced at Hidan, whose smirk turned downright evil at your predicament.
“Hello? Is anyone in there?”
#sasucakes saucy talk#hidan#hidan x reader#hidan scenario#naruto hidan#hidan scenarios#naruto scenario#naruto scenarios#naruto smunt#akatsuki scenario#akatsuki hidan#hidan imagine#hidan imagines
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We’re chugging right along with the enigmatic Dabi!
1. Sleep: Dabi probably sleeps in ‘the yearner’ position, an assumption I’m basing off the personality traits associated with this pose. People who sleep like this are a little complicated: they are open-minded, yet cynical; slow and suspicious when making a decision, but stick to it once their minds are made up. If that doesn’t sound like our favorite fire-based villain, then I don’t know what does. Essentially he always looks like he’s reaching out for something that isn’t there, maybe a person or even a moment in time he remembers fondly, and as such you can’t help but feel a little morose while you watch him snooze. Something about him lying there like that just strikes you as so sad but if you ask him about it in the morning, he’ll shrug you off with a smart remark. However if you decide to lie down with him, don’t be surprised when those stretched out arms snake their way around your body and pull you in tight against the front of his chest. He doesn’t look it, but he’s actually quite the cuddler - at least when he’s asleep anyway. In fact, you’ll be hard pressed to disengage from his embrace if you find yourself needing to pee in the middle of the night so you’d better use the bathroom before bedtime. I almost want to describe him as being a clingy bed partner but possessive might be a slightly more accurate term. He snores on occasion, softly and only for a few minutes at a time, and he’s a pretty solid sleeper so you wont have to worry about accidentally getting hit in the face. Definitely hogs the blankets though so be prepared for a game of tug-o-war.
2. Sad: Dabi is a pretty aloof individual anyway but I think you’d easily be able to tell when he was feeling a little down. Rather than simply looking sleepy like usual, his eyes would take on a more hollow expression and the corners of his mouth would pinch around his scarred flesh. He may not be able to hide his emotions well but he’d certainly be loathe to open up about it in an honest way, defensively guarding the truth until you either dropped the subject or he forced you to drop it. Rather than being cold, he’s simply a secretive person out of necessity and burying his emotions is pretty much second nature at this point. If you managed to break his walls down enough that he trusted you, implicitly and unequivocally, he would eventually choose the most inopportune time to come clean about what he was feeling. Maybe it would be something as domestic as when you were brushing your teeth before bed or maybe in the middle of dinner without any forewarning to the sudden topic change but, more than likely, I see it happening when the mood is decidedly inappropriate. Perhaps right in the middle of sex, his attempt at really startling you, or even in the middle of a heated argument that has absolutely nothing to do with his emotions and he’d likely take great pleasure in seeing you rattled at the sudden announcement. Any sort of confession in this regard would be used as leverage for him to get the upper hand rather than him actually wanting to talk about his feelings.
3. Happy: Dabi is only truly happy when he’s the direct cause of chaos and mayhem, or when he inadvertently finds himself standing in the middle of such a scene. The negatively charged energy and bad vibes that radiate off a situation like this, whether that be a disorganized bar brawl or a burning building collapsing around him, makes his skin crawl in the best way imaginable. It feeds him, stoking him like an open air flame, and it just gets him more amped up with each passing second. He’s used to going about things as a lone wolf of sorts, and he’s more than content with this, but I think he’d be pleasantly surprised to find that having a partner in crime just makes the end results all the more satisfying. You’d need to be able to keep up with him without slowing him down, and it would also help if you were just as fearless as he was, but he’d truly enjoy having you along for the ride. After all, two pairs of hands are better than one and he absolutely lives for that moment where you can pull the metaphorical grenade pin together and watch everything come crashing down. The adrenaline fueled sex afterwards is nothing to shake your finger at either.
4. Angry/Violent: Dabi is, for the most part, a relatively laid back kind of guy. Rather than getting angry, he prefers to focus on spitting arsenic laced words and dripping thick sarcasm from every syllable but by no means is he immune to bouts of rage. Actually, his are some of the most explosive you’re likely to see any time soon and its best to stick clear when he finds himself in one of these moods. I can easily see him absolutely scorching a place to the ground during one of these blind meltdowns but, on a slightly more subdued note, I certainly don’t put basic property damage past him. Punching holes in the wall, throwing/breaking furniture, smashing windows, etc. However, it would take an awful lot to get him to this point and, although I don’t think he could be talked down after already going off the deep end, there is that possibility that you could potentially diffuse the situation before it got that far. It would be best to try and get him to walk away from whatever was upsetting him enough that he’d drop his smart mouthed attitude, but if you were the cause of his little temper tantrum ... may god help you.
5. Sex: Dabi strikes me as an experimental and fun partner whose not restricted by basic notions of what is and isn’t acceptable to do in the bedroom. Or an alleyway. Or in the bathroom of a seedy bar. Or anywhere really. The point is, he’s down for basically whatever, whenever the mood strikes him. He’s just living his life and trying to have a good time so I definitely think he’d need a lover with as few inhibitions as him. An innocent partner would be fun to tease and taking advantage of their naivety would be something he’d take great joy in, but eventually that would get old. He wants to be excited by the act and experience the rush and thrill of doing something decidedly bad with someone who enjoys it just as much as him. Perhaps this is simply an act of rebellion, lashing out against the society that tried to tame his spirit, or maybe he’s just a legitimate freak in the sack. Either way, I know I’m picking up whatever he’s putting down. He doesn’t have much interest in the slow and steady technique, much preferring to go to town with foundation shaking enthusiasm, but if the right moment called for it he could be persuaded to take it down a notch. Like, say, if he had you pinned to a pool table in the farthest corner of a crowded bar and he just ever so inconspicuously lifted your skirt up ....
6. Living Quarters: Dabi is a controlled mess in every facet of his life. He strikes me as a mostly nomadic villain who doesn’t stay in one place for too long, jumping from abandoned building to backrooms in strip clubs and sometimes even landing on a couch in a veritable meth den. Its not glamorous and its not pretty, but its the life he’s chosen for himself. He likely does have a little nesting spot to call his own, one thats secluded and hard to find, perhaps an underground bunker of sorts that no one knows about, where he can keep what little personal belongings he owns. But he doesn’t go there very often, just when the mood strikes him, and he always half expects the place to be raided and empty every time he stops by. I’m very doubtful about Tomura giving him or any of the others a place to stay above the bar - I don’t know if that building would even necessarily be outfitted with bedrooms anyway, and that kind of generosity would ride on the implication that Tomura actually liked Dabi as a fellow person. Which, given their sassy back and forth banter, doesn’t exactly seem to be the case. I’m eagerly awaiting more details concerning this in canon and I do so hope that Horikoshi delivers.
7. Romantic: Dabi doesn’t appear to have a romantic bone in his body, much preferring general displays of lust to communicate his attraction and also the occasional lewd gestures that are sure to raise a few eyebrows. Its not even that he isn’t aware of how these kinds of things work, its just that he has no interest and they, quite frankly, bore him. He appears to be a rebel without a cause and everything about him screams to me ‘fuck the man’ so of course he’s going to do the exact opposite of what he was always told to do. But more than that, if he wanted a normal relationship with normal parameters that didn’t feature high stakes then he wouldn’t have become a villain. I think its obvious that he doesn’t want ‘normal’ and in fact I’d be willing to bet that, if anything, he’d look for something as abnormal as you could possibly get. That being said, I could see him showing his affection by giving you gifts in the form of stolen trinkets or maybe taking you to get a piercing. Or maybe doing it himself. The closest he’d probably get to actual romanticism would be some of the pragmatic, obscurely prophetic nonsense I could easily see him spouting at random. The kind of stuff that makes you feel like the center of his world and like a speck of dust all at the same time.
8. Family & Friends: Dabi is ... an enigma for good reason. I don’t necessarily feel comfortable even taking a stab at this one because, while I do subscribe to the theory that he’s a Todoroki, there are far too many different angles to approach that from for me to even begin making an accurate prediction. Based on the evidence, I do think that he’s Endeavor’s second oldest son and all of the coincidental pussyfooting around him and his real identity is suspicious as hell but the exact details are as good as anyones guess. Was he a failed experiment? Shoto version 1.0? Was he jealous that Shoto was the chosen one instead of him? Did he get burnt up trying to protect Shoto? Like, there are just way too many possibilities and not enough facts to base anything off of at this point. And thats not even mentioning the fact he not only could have been, but likely was, an entirely different person before becoming a villain, which only further muddles this topic. He’s not the same, unhinged psychopath that Toga is (and damn, do I love her) so that seems to imply that he wasn’t always this way. Anything I could say to answer this question would be pure conjecture unlike the rest of this post so I don’t even want to take a stab in the dark here.
9. Hobbies: Dabi seems like the sort who’d enjoy playing pool and darts, typical leisure activities you’d find in a bar, and maybe some artistic outlets like painting. I doubt he has a lot of down time though so I see him being more of an ‘out looking for trouble’ kind of guy who somehow manages to find himself in increasingly improbably situations. I also think he’d be into gambling, even just on a basic level, but he’d no doubt be quite good at it with that poker face of his.
10. Likes/Dislikes: Dabi likes chaos, whether causing it or simply being stuck in the middle of it, quiet places to wind down in after all the fun has been said and done, adrenaline fueled situations and interesting people/things. He dislikes those who look down on him for any reason, being bored or otherwise unstimulated and soap box preachers.
11. Childhood: Again, this is something I just can’t make an educated guess about and I apologize for that.
12. Old Age: Dabi likely doesn’t see himself reaching old age given both his lifestyle and his penchant for trouble. I also view him as having the ‘live fast, die young’ sort of mindset that only exacerbates his thrill seeking nature and the only thing thats kept him alive this long are his goals ... whatever those may be. Revenge? Making a point? Again, conjecture!
13. Cooking: Dabi isn’t much of a cook but after fending for himself for so long, he’s got the basics down. He can prep a cup of instant ramen like no ones business and he makes a mean grilled cheese. But thats about the extent of his culinary skills and he doesn’t get a chance to polish them all that often as I imagine he’d be more inclined to find someone (or a couple someones) who were willing to give him handouts for one reason or another. Regardless, he appears thin enough that food doesn’t seem to be a top priority and he likely takes scraps whenever he can get them. He looks like he’d be a fan of spicy food though. The hotter the better.
14. Random: Dabi’s favorite positions are the Downward Dog, because he likes wrestling you underneath him and pinning you down in a prone position thats just perfect for hitting your g-spot. He does so love making you scream until your throat is hoarse, after all.
The Pile Driver, for much of the same reasons
and of course the Reverse Cowgirl because he strikes me as an ass man and he loves nothing more than watching yours bounce on his dick.
Dabi is, almost without a doubt, a kinky little bastard and I could easily see him incorporating various forms of bondage and power play dynamics into a relationship. I think he’d find any kind of piercing play especially tantalizing and risky public sex seems like it would likewise be at the top of his list. Rather than having one angle he prefers to go in at, he’d actually enjoy trying out all kinds of different things to see what sticks, whats just kind of eeh, and what ends in disastrous failure. Never a dull moment with this one, be ready for the ride of your life if you choose to ignore all the warning signs and climb on board anyway.
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Short Story #125: Cold Coffee.
Written: 8/1/2017 Surrealism Week
In front of me is some sort of chocolate French pastry, it’s tall, cylindrical, and tiered, which makes me somewhat confused as to where I’m supposed to start eating it, but its also colorful and well presented, which causes me to only stare at it, fork in hand, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do with it while getting lost in the beauty of it. Do I even need a fork to eat this? Am I supposed to pick it up with my hands, am I supposed to eat every individual tier? No, probably not, that would probably cause my hands to be covered in chocolate, and whatever is on the inside of this thing. Am I supposed to cut into it like a cake? Confused, I look over to my sister, to see how she decided to eat her pastry, but her plate is only covered in crumbs, and her eyes are hungrily focused on my own plate. This is the coffee all over again. I can see words beginning to form on her lips, I look away, I look at the birds only several feet away from our table, maybe they would figure out how to eat anything like this.
“Are you actually going to eat that, or did I just pay for your lunch so that you would stare at it the whole time?”
“Its just, I don’t know. How do they expect anyone to eat this? I can’t figure out how to eat this without ruining it.”
“Ruining it?”
“The presentation of it, its just so appealing to-”, and there she goes, she’s already pulling my plate towards her, already rolling her eyes at me.
Carefully picking up the petite for with two fingers, thumb and index, in order to minimize the mess, “Girl, you have to get over the look of it all. This is food, this was meant to be ruined and eaten. The presentation isn’t supposed to last forever, its just something to lure you into destroying it, into putting it inside of yourself and turning it into something disgusting.” Taking a bite, lips drawn back to protect her lipstick, then, “This is what food is for, its like an art form.”
“Yeah, exactly, that’s why I’m not sure how to eat any of it. Why would I want to destroy something so appealing looking? Its easier to deal with cheap food because of this, because its all so-”
“No, you’re not listening to me. This is just like when you kept staring at that flower in your coffee, the one made with milk or whatever they use. You need to get over the appeal of it all anyways, because you’ve already made me eat two lunches in one sitting, and I’m supposed to be on a diet.”
“I didn’t know you were on a diet.”
“I’m not on one, I said I’m supposed to be on one. Anyways, you keep getting confused about the purpose of all this. Sure, it may all be aesthetically pleasing, but its meant to be temporary. This shit doesn’t last forever, and you have to get your teeth in there and tear it to pieces before it stops being appealing on its own. Its like that cup of coffee that you were so impressed by. By the time that the flower finally went away on its own, the cup was cold and gross and you did not enjoy drinking it. You took too long to destroy it, so it was destroyed on its own and you were left unsatisfied, because you weren’t the one who did it.”
“I don’t think that’s the-”
“Okay, let me try to put it in terms that you understand. Think about this like dating, maybe. Its like when you see a really cute guy, and you’re able to start talking with him, and you know that if you don’t do something, some other girl is going to come in and enjoy him, so you gotta make sure that it never happens. So you know that you have to ruin him so that other girls wont want him, you have to take away whatever makes him appealing. So you start berating him or whatever, you know, really tearing into his insecurities, abusing everything he confided to you when you cuddle after sex, until he becomes an emotional wreck. Then, of course, you start to get disgusted yourself, because who even wants somebody who can’t get their shit together, who still cries about their dead grandmother’s disapproval from, like, forever ago, and then you move on to the next beautiful thing.”
“That’s not what datings like, I think you’re just abusing those guys.”
“You’re just not mature enough to understand what adult relationships are. Things get messy, things get real.”
“But, you’re intentionally making them-”
“Yeah, but that’s what adult relationships are: poisoning the other person until they’re ruined for everyone else. Its like, you that discomfort you feel when you run into an ex, and they’re with somebody else and seem genuinely happy? So you have to look at this happy hunk that you could’ve had? Well, that only exists in the world of teenagers and twenty year olds. When you get older, you’ll realize that its easier to avoid that feeling by making sure that your exes will never date, will never be happy again, so that you know that you were the last to enjoy what made them beautiful. Just like eating these pastries.”
“I’ve literally never heard of that until now. I think this is just you.”
“No, its not, you just don’t recognize it when you see it. Everyone does it, they just never try to make it obvious. Like, look at mom and dad. Before they got divorced, she kept encouraging him to get into all of that geology nonsense, so after the divorce nobody wanted to touch him because he keeps talking about minerals or whatever.”
“Oh god, I can hardly even pay attention to him when he gets excited about that stuff. I just have to tune him out.”
“Exactly, and because of that he’s going to be alone while mom takes her new boyfriend to Europe, and has a wonderful time.”
“Ugh, I went to high school with that guy.”
“And, anyways, there’s a lot of other examples of this out in the wild. Look at those guys who always claim that their girlfriends were crazy, no matter how nice and rational the girl was. Those are just people who are angry at themselves, because they were dumb enough to convince themselves that the relationship would last, so they never put in an actual plan to ruin their girlfriends. Then there are the guys who just beat their girlfriends so that they naturally become afraid of men in general, which also keeps them out of the dating pool. There’s also marriage-”
“How is marriage-”
“Marriage is the true way of ruining another person for others. Its basically a contract that says that the couple will never have sex with each other, but will also have to go through a lot of trouble to get out of it, its like a trap. And the whole time is spent making the other person boring, turning them into somebody who spends most of their time working, then comes home to watch some mind numbingly terrible television show for hours until they fall asleep, only to do it again the next day. It is a way of creating a routine to trap another person in, so even if they did consider doing something else, something good, like getting a divorce or pursuing one of their passions, they just keep putting it off without realizing where the time is going, so, next thing they know, they’ve become out of touch and hardly even know how to live life outside of the trap that they were dumb enough to walk into, thinking that knowing it was a trap would make them prepared for it all. They have everything that was interesting about themselves get sucked out of them, especially if they have kids. Kids are fucked up. With kids, you lose 18 years of your life, just for one of them. So, some couples fall into the trap of staying together for their children, then by the time they are free to divorce, they’re also old and boring and have little idea of how to function outside of their styrofoam lives.”
“Styrofoam?”
“Its about as interesting as they become. Who gives a shit about styrofoam? So, anyways, life is about destroying things that are beautiful, and you need to get over whatever reservations you had in the first place. To get ahead in this world you need to ruin everything that you love, everything that’s beautiful, because love and beauty only exist in the moment, and when you don’t take advantage of that moment, then there’s only pain and unhappiness down the road. All you get is cold coffee. You-”
Before she could continue, a man ran out of the cafe and collided with our table, causing the plates and glasses to fall to the floor, shattering, while the man disappeared around the corner. Looking down the street, I ask, “What do you think that was about?”
“Who cares? He’s probably just some asshole. What really matters is that we can tell the people inside that he knocked over our deserts, and we could probably get some free ones for the road. Oh, maybe if we cut ourselves with some of the glass, we-”
“Okay, I’ll go in and try to get free food or whatever. Just, don’t-”
“Fine, whatever, just make sure that you eat this time. You have to accept that the appeal of art and beauty is destroying it, and-”, I didn’t catch the rest because I had gone inside of the cafe while she was talking. Inside some chanson was playing from speakers on the walls, but there was an unmistakable silence to the room, as if the music was only existing on top of this sonic emptiness. Looking around, there is nobody in the cafe except for the man at the counter, and when I lock eyes with him I can see panic inside of him, I can see his fear, as if he’s shouting at me with his eyes, his emotions become infectious, they
The silence is broken. I can hear the roaring for only a second, it only gets replaced by a faint ringing, that’s all I can hear. My other senses are equally unreliable, especially my sense of sight, because I can only see white. I try to close my eyes but the only thing that I can see is white. Eventually my sense of smell comes to, and I can smell smoke, lots of it. Nothing but smoke. Slow fade from white and I can see the sky, the beautiful, clear sky. Its all I can see, so I figure that I must be on my back. I try to move my body, I try to get up, but I start to feel an intense amount of pain, so I give up on that. I try to move my neck, and its not as bad, so the sky slowly gets replaced by the tops of buildings, then their windows, moving down down down, until I can see the street, the side walk, the rubble, the man rolling around on the ground frantically. Is he on fire? Is that what happened? No, he is holding his left leg, or, the place where his left leg should be. His mouth seems to be screaming, but he can’t scream louder than the ringing. Maybe if my ears weren’t so wet I could hear him. Maybe if my throat and face didn’t feel like hell I could scream too. Should I be screaming? Do I still have all of my limbs? I can’t feel my body, I can only feel pain. All that I’m confident in is my head and my neck. Everything becomes faint, it starts to get blurry, maybe this is what dying is like. I thought that it would feel more special than this.
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I come to, I see friends and family members standing around my casket. They seem sad, they’re crying, but they don’t seem like they’re grieving over me. I suddenly become afraid, I start to worry that my funeral has just become an opportunity for people to pretend to be sad, just to benefit themselves socially. Nobody's there for me, they’re only attending to make a show for everyone else, and probably to get laid. My corpse is nothing more than a tool for people to use for their own benefit, something that they’ll bury and forget about when it stops being useful to them. Dying wasn’t enough, they had to ruin my memory too.
Then, my father says, “Wait, I think she’s conscious. Can you hear me, dear?”
And I realize that I’m not dead, so I drift off again. Maybe I’ll actually die this time, maybe I’ll actually get a good funeral.
But I wake up again later, with my sister sitting by the bed, her neck is bandaged up and I can’t help myself, I have to stare at it, then she notices that I’m awake, that I’m looking at her, and where I’m looking, “Oh, yeah, this. After the bomb went off I was cut by, like, a billion shards of glass. It was as if the window itself attacked me, and who knew that windows could be so deadly? I got this big shard in my neck, about this big,” she holds her hands up to show the size of it, a gesture that she frequently used when talking about her battered boyfriends, “and I thought that it was going to be the end for me, but the doctors said that it actually prevented me from bleeding to death, so I got lucky in the end. Other than that I also have a lot of smaller cuts all over my body, I couldn’t even use my hands for a week because it just hurt to pick anything up, but I’m a lot better now.”
I try to ask, ‘A week?’, but when I try to talk the words don’t seem like they’re my own, they don’t even sound like words, I just sound the same way my cat sounded when it had its jaw ripped off by a stray dog, and tried to yowl for help.
“Oh, god, you sound like Sunday when he was dying. I can’t even guess what you’re trying to say to me right now. The doctors said that it would probably be difficult for you to talk, but in a couple weeks you’ll probably be fine, like, it didn’t take to long for my throat to heal well enough for me to start talking again, even if my voice is a little rough now.” I try to use my eyebrows to communicate, “Oh, girl, I have no idea what you’re doing right now. I’m going to have to talk to you the way we used to talk to grandpa, to see if he had to use the bathroom. So, are you asking if I’m okay?” One blink. “Oh, do you want to know how long you’ve been in here?” Two blinks. “Oh, its been a little while. You were unresponsive for a couple days, and mom wanted to pull the plug after day one, but it didn’t make sense because you weren’t on life support. I think its been, a month? Yeah, about a month. You’ve regained consciousness plenty of times, but the doctors said that you didn’t understand what was happening around you, you were only able to process the pain, so whenever you would wake up they would have to fill you with pain killers and you’d just knock out again. It was really messed up for the first two weeks, because you’re eyes were still damaged and you had to have this bandage around them, so you were blind and moving around and trying to scream, it was all nightmare inducing. Literally. Four nights in a row I had nightmares that I was in your position, it was horrible, you don’t even know.
“But, hey, if you want good news I can give you some. I finally quit smoking! I mean, I really had no choice since the smoke would only further damage my throat so,” I begin to rapidly start blinking to shut her up, but then I realize that she’s looking through me, not looking at me, so I have to listen to this speech of hers. I try to keep my eyebrows at an angry angle, just so that she’ll see my frustration when she snaps out of her self absorption, but she only asks me, “What are you even trying to do with your face? Whatever you’re trying to convey with,” holding up her hand in the direction of my face, then moving it in a circular motion, “all that, but its not working.” I relax my face, but I still stare at her. “Okay, if you don’t believe me, then I’ll show you.” She pulls out her makeup mirror, looks into it for a couple seconds to make sure that she still looks ruinable, not ruined, then she gets up and holds it in front of my face.
I’m ruined. My face is covered in bandages and some tubes, and whatever isn’t is just burnt and hideous. Apparently my eyebrows were burnt off and never grew back, so that probably explains why she couldn’t understand me. I blink twice, wait three seconds, then I blink again, and I repeat this several times until she realizes what I’m trying to say, and she moves the mirror away. I feel like crying, but I’m not sure if I’m physically capable.
“Yeah, I know, it must be horrible to realize that you look like that, but I have just the think to cheer you up!” She turns towards her purse and pulls something out of it, and at first I think that its a puppy or a kitten, something that would love me unconditionally and show me that my looks aren’t everything, but instead I realize that, “Its a wig!” And before I can blink in response, she places it on my head. “I know what you’re thinking, ‘I don’t look good as a blond’, but you’re face is so unique because it doesn’t matter what you do with it, because anything will look better than your bare face. And, if you’re still not convinced, its just like Marilyn's hair! She could be a role model for you, you know. She was really bland, but then she became so beautiful that she ruined herself! And, don’t worry, I made sure to tell the nurses to take it off at night.”
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It wasn’t long until I was able to leave the hospital, only four days had passed until my insurance no longer covered my stay there, they put a bottle of pain killers in my hand, and sent me out into the real world, confused, mute, and bandaged. My sister drove me home, where there was an eviction notice waiting for me on the door, apparently the place was still mine for a week. When I was inside, alone, and just sat in the living room, in the dark, staring at the black mirror of the television, wearing that surprisingly comfortable wig, I realized that I was probably out of a job too, since there was no way for me to do PR when I can’t talk. However, there was something calming about all of this, even though my life had been completely ruined. I realized that it probably wouldn’t have gotten better than it already had been, I was mostly just coasting by, and now that it was awful I was at least aware of the fact that it was awful. It was at least something. I thought about cold coffee for a little while, and then I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night to pain, nothing but pain and darkness. It felt like how wood must feel when a swarm of termites start chewing and burrowing into it. I took some painkillers, then I fell back asleep.
I dreamed that I was in a store and that nobody was going to buy me. I would wait and wait for somebody to come in and free me, while a woman would constantly threaten to turn me into hair extensions if nobody bought me. A lot of the dream was just spent waiting, terrified that nobody would come.
When I wake up something is off. I blink and look around the room, but it doesn’t feel as if I’m the one who is doing it, its as if I’m just an observer, not a participant, but I tell myself that its probably just the pain killers. I’m probably just high. A couple memories flash in front of my face, all taking place in this apartment. I get up, unsteadily, even though I never told myself to do so. I walk to the wall and try to turn on a light switch, but the room remains dark, my electric bill had gone unpaid while I was in the hospital. I look around the room for something, I’m not sure what, then I finally find my cell phone, which I use for the flashlight. I make my way down the hall, to the bathroom, apparently, then I see myself in the mirror. The first thing I notice is the dried blood that was running down my leathery forehead, apparently I had been bleeding in the night, from the top of my head. The wig is still on, so I can’t see where the bleeding started, and its not my decision to take it off. I begin to make faces in the mirror, some of them seeming to be for basic emotions, smiling for happiness, frowning for sadness, and one that may have been for indigestion or anger. I tell myself again that its probably just the drugs that are causing this disconnect.
I awkwardly sit down on the ground, and I start looking through my phone. At first I don’t know what the pass code is, several tries still keep me locked out, but then a memory of me putting in the code flashes in front of my face, and I’m able to get access to the phone. I go straight to my pictures, and the first one there is a picture that my sister and I took at the cafe, before the incident, and the memory of that lunch flashes in front of my face. I stare at the wall for a while, flashes of that lunch keep coming back.
What the fuck did they give me?
I look back at my phone, I go to the next picture, its one of my celebrity crush. My first instinct is to touch the picture, apparently, and then memories of the actor appear, briefly, and when they dissipate I realize that I am smashing my phone into the tile floor of my bathroom. Now there is nothing but darkness. I can feel myself feeling my way out of there, and it takes a long while since I keep going in circles. One corner in particular confuses me, and I get frustrated because I can’t stop myself from feeling that corner in confusion.
A memory flashes in front of my face, but its unfamiliar to me, its one of being stuck inside of some container, in the dark, it feels like my current situation.
Eventually I crawled out of that bathroom, and was able to go outside. It was a bright, beautiful day, which made me angry, for some reason. Although, it was as if I was angry, but the anger wasn’t my own. I looked around the apartment complex and saw a bush of flowers nearby, they were bright, colorful, beautiful, and I walked over to them. For a second I thought that I was going to smell them, but instead I start ripping them out, and crushing them under my heel, one by one, patiently destroying this flower bed. I can hear somebody ask what the hell I’m doing, but when I turn to look at them and make some god awful warning noise, they just walk away, talking about how its not their problem anyways. Halfway through the bush, I start to eat the flowers, but only a couple, since its seems that I’ve forgotten how to eat, but that makes sense because wigs aren’t used to eating. Why did I think that?
When I’m almost finished destroying the bush, I start to hear some dog yapping at me nearby. I look over at it, and its the adorable little dog that keeps my elderly neighbor company, its the dog that I’ve always been curious to see what it would look like when it gets old and lazy, like its owner, since I have trouble seeing it as anything other than the young and adorable thing that it is now. I thought that I was going to pet it, but then I notice that I’m grabbing it and picking it up. Its held up at my face so that I can get a good look at it, and it begins licking me in the nose, which is one of my weaknesses. I open my mouth, I put the dog’s head inside of that space, I clamp my teeth down, hard and sudden, and I pull its body back, while moving my neck back, until the poor little thing’s head and body are two separate items. The taste, the sight, the texture of its blood and severed spine between my teeth, the whole act on its own makes me want to vomit, but I can’t, I’m not in control. I accept this for the first time: I am not in control.
I can’t scream but the dog’s owner is able to do that for me, and better than I could have done in the first place. My eyes move towards her, but I don’t seem to be interested in that old, frail woman. A commotion is being made, something wet and thick and warm is sliding down my chin, my throat, and is starting to soak into my shirt. I start moving, but I don’t know where I’m. I try to resist but there is no way to resist it. My legs begin to hurt, I’m still not well, I’m not supposed to running, but I keep going, I can’t stop.
The apartment complex fades behind me and general houses start to race by, I’m in some neighborhoods that I don’t recognize at all, but I keep going. The pain I feel from my legs are too much, and the pain in my scalp returns.
I begin to think but they don’t feel like my own thoughts. I think, why is any of this worth resisting, isn’t this being human? I think, how is this not better than the rest of your life, which was spent dealing with other people’s problems, which was spent being passive? I try to tell myself that it was a better life than whatever this is, but I think, no, no it wasn’t. The difference between now, and your previous life, is that you were never living, you were never alive. This is living, this is existing. You are leaving your mark on the world, you are finally enjoying the beauty that life has to offer, you are enjoying the moment.
Eventually I stopped running, and I was hoping that I had become tired, that my legs had hurt too much, and that's why I had begun to rest against the chain-link fence, but I soon realized that I was at the high school, that I wasn’t tired, that the people I was watching were only temporary, their happiness only temporary, and that I may as well take in that scene while it was still there.
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thats it. i want to clarify some shits. i am so sick and tired of being judged cuz i love justin bieber. ive been through so much and everytime i wanted to give up on myself, friends, family who ever whos around me and generally my whole life, justin was there and he didnt let me. he was there for me at 3am when i was crying. but i wonder who was there for him?? all the times he was feeling low. all the times he was getting hate from the whole world. dont wanna be dramatic but hes so strong. so this is one of the reasons why i love him. hes strong. as i said he has been through so much but ive never seen him harm himself or anything or anybody else. he just kept his silence everytime. he can take so much. i still remember how mad i was while watching the bieber roast. like i know i had to laugh and it was all a comedy show but still tho. i mean if anyone else was in the place of justin... with all of those things and... ugh nevermind. i mean cmon they talked shit about the love of his life, his father and so on justin is so honest with his fans. he cares about his fans. he takes time to talk with them, hug every single one of them, he has bought roses, coffees and stuff like that. and he does stuff like that now and then to show his love towards his fans. once he even played songs from his next album for them. he posted a video of that crowd- which was taken from the hotel balcony -via his instagram and captioned it; i wake up this morning to this :) best fans in the world #beliebers #sexyfans k can we pause here?? and another story bout this. actually i think yall have heard this one. "justin spittin on his beliebers from the balcony" bullshit. thats exactly what it is. total bullshit. and how do i know a fan cleared this mess up. actually one who was there: "i can definitely confirm that he didnt spit on anyone because i was there and in that instagram video he posted, i also have a video from my view, and he never at any point spit on us. TMZ and all these other media outlets and trying to put two and two together and make him seem like a bad person. personally i think he did it before were even any of us standing down there on the street, because at no point when i was stand there did he even spit off the balcony! he would never do anything like that to his fans. hate how media outlets try to make him out to be a bad person all the time when hes far from." tmz superimposed photos of the fans next to justin on a completely different balcony to make it appear like he was spitting on fans when he wasent. infact earlier that day, justin bought his fans hot chocolate and played them some of his new music. justin loves his fans. people talk shit about justin but little they kno most of the bad things they hear are just made up rumors. i love justin cuz hes such a talented person. i love him cuz hes a sweetheart. if u look real deep into his eyes you can actually see nothing but love. some kid at my school told me that hes a drug addicted and she was like srsly how can u look up to someone like that?? u must be a drug addicted too and she just walked away. hes not a drug addicted. i know yall have heard the story of cops raiding his house for eggs- when he egged his neighbors house which it wasnt a good thing to do i admit when justin does sth wrong i dont endorse it i can admit when he has fucked up and did that shit-and so on. but im pretty sure yall havent heard that the cops actually gave him a random drug test, and he tested negative for every single one. and yes he has smoked weed before but that doesnt make him a "drug addicted". tbh i see nothing wrong with that. alot of people do. plus it has been proven that marijuana is healthier than cigarettes and people are in the process of legalizing it in more states... so to the girl who goes to my school and all those who think justins not in complete health: hes not a drug addicted, he is not addicted to weed and whatever the hell he does in his personal time, people should not worry about it. annnnd about justin being disrespetful to Argentina flag. yes he did kick it off the stage BUT later he apologized and he said that he had no idea what it was. he thought that it was a shirt or sth. he clarified this by tweeting a several tweets saying: @justinbieber heard about what is going on with me down in Argentina and im shocked. I love Argentina and have had some of the best shows of my tour there @justinbieber people throw stuff on my stage all show and i get it to the stage hands to get off so no one got hurt. that video i saw a bra and thought... @justinbieber ...it was a shirt. Im being told by my team it was a shirt but even if it was a flag I would never do anything disrespect to Argentina... @justinbieber ...or the people of Argentina or the fans. Im so sorry for anyone who took my actions the wrong way and i hope you can forgive this mistake and if yall are interested u can search the tweets. to make sure these are actually real. yes he did that. "justin peein in a mop bucket" according to what his manager said he took a backway exit to avoid the paps and at that time he really needed to use bathroom and one of the employees told them that he can do it in a mop bucket... i admit that wasent the best choice but also if u have to go, you have to go... justin is a human being, i think people forget that. hes not perfect and at his lifetime he will fuck up some shits. what teenager doesnt???? tbh the only difference between our teenage years and his is that we all are not under a microscope. if we fuck sth up its just us. we may blame our selves for a while but then we let it go. cuz u cant be hard on yourself. but about justin... well the whole world is watching his every single move. and "its hard to do the right thing when the pressure is coming down like lightning." anyway he said that he has learned from that experience and promised that it wont happen ever again. nobody is perfect and you have to accept that. im pretty sure you have done some not so good things as well that yourent proud of them, but as i said the difference between you and justin is that you are not under a microscope. you dont get judged by everyone in the world. and i actually have another proof to show yall justin isnt bad but the media is lol. they try so hard to ruin justins reputation like why yall bitter i dont get this... so anyway. you mightve heard this or maybe not idk but there was a rumor goin round for a while :" justin called a girl a beached whale then she committed suicide" lol this is like so BULLSHIT i know cuz the girl is alive and she spoke up bout this. she apologized about the whole story goin around cuz she felt guilty. she shared some tweets sayin: @TropicalFlower0 i was NEVER called a beach whale by justin bieber. so sorry about making that up. im sorry @justinbieber and his fans @TropicalFlower0 but i am willing to give the money back to them i just dont want to feel guilty. justin bieber was really nice to us @TropicalFlower0 im not a bieber fan either like the news reporters said. im just a normal girl that needed the money. @TropicalFlower0 so i just want to clarify, justin bieber never called me a whale. all he told us was "hi girls" like i said earlier. @TropicalFlower0 well, after i got home i really felt guilty, my friend told me that what i did was very wrong. @TropicalFlower0 i really needed the money so i said sure, first of all they also invented that i was a bieber fan to make him look even worse @TropicalFlower0 and if i did they would pay me a higher amount of money, they also told me if i get friends and guests to help me they would double @TropicalFlower0 they seemed very unsatisfied and then they came back and told me to make up a story about justin bieber to make him look bad @TropicalFlower0 Then a lot of news reporters came at me and my friends asking us what justin bieber told us so we told them that he just said hi @TropicalFlower0 the other day i was with my friends sun bathing, we saw justin bieber and he came toward us and said nothing else but "hi girls" @TropicalFlower0 i dont understand twitter but i hopefully this gets out there and i wont feel guilty anymore so as u read justin goin to a pool area isnt that much interesting and sort of boring so some paparazzi guy payed this girl and yeah mainwhile when this shitty rumor started to spear around this was his indirect way of sayin that it wasent tru. justin tweeted you are all beautiful i dont even know what to say anymore. these were all some examples. i got so much more to talk about but its just too much. so imma leave this here and the rest for later. "and haterz.... i love u too. ;)" he tweeted this and i think it was needed rn atm im not trying to make justin look like a pure angel who hes not MY point is to show u he does mistakes like us, he is a human like us, he has a beating heart in his chest like us. and most of the bad things u hear about him are just made up rumors. thats it. there i said it.
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Short Story #52: Puppy Love.
Written: 2/26/2017
Every night is basically the same, all I can do is lay here, waiting to get to sleep, not knowing how long it may take. I’m lucky if I knock out within two hours, but then I may wake up in the middle of the night, which requires me to start the whole process all over again. If I have something important the next day, like a test, a game, or even a dance, well, I’m almost guaranteed to stay awake the whole night. Oddly enough, those are usually my best nights, since getting only five minutes of sleep helps much more than getting eight hours, the time that everyone tells me I should be sleeping for every night.
I can’t stand people who try to brag about how late they stayed up. Whats so cool about that? People should be patting themselves on the back for actually getting a good night’s sleep, that makes somebody more interesting in my eyes. Those people even get to skip right to the morning, like they just turn off and skip to the next day, refreshed and fully capable of the challenges ahead. They don’t have to worry about falling asleep in class, or not being able to read or study, and their memory is probably much better than mine.
While other people get to sleep, and dream about all of the dumb crap that people tend to dream about, I spend my time either lying around, only focusing on my breathing, or I’m blankly staring at my television, which at a certain point in the night only plays infomercials. At this point I know most of them by heart. Is your knife too dull? Does it bend whenever you try to cut a sponge cake? Does it leave metal shavings in your brownies? Can it not even cut straight, causing all of your meals to be cut in a zig zag fashion, making you look like a complete asshole? Well, here’s a good knife, now use that to do normal knife things. Watch it cut this carrot. It cuts much better than your shitty knife. Watch it cut this fruit cake, and look! It can even cut a tree in half, no problem. Steel beams? It can cut through them effortlessly. Made with a carbon fiber, titanium alloyed ultra-magnetic hyperbolic hypoallergenic, magnesium laced, phosphorescent incandescent funkadelic alloy, this knife will never break. Its impossible. Seriously, watch me cut this car in half, now tell me that this knife will fucking break.
That one usually comes on at one in the morning, and its probably the most tame one. You gotta love those black and white scenes, where everyone is somehow too incompetent to do the simplest of activities. Oh no, I accidentally spilled my drink. Oh no, I burned my hand on the stove. Oh no, I went to flush the toilet, but I accidentally stuck my hand in the toilet water. Not again! I’m not sure how these people are even alive, like you think that they would have done something that would guarantee that they’d never have kids, especially since they can’t manage to do the simplest of things. Oh no, I walked into traffic. Oh no, I slit my throat when I was shaving. Oh no, I fell into the tiger pit at the zoo.
I’m probably not too different than them, though. Every night is basically, “Oh no, I can’t sleep.” It should be an easy task, literally everyone does it, but I guess we all have our weaknesses. Maybe those infomercial people are actually brain surgeons, lawyers, civil architects, but they are just really terrible at specific things.
Man, I’m way too focused on infomercials right now, but what else is there to focus on? This is kind of the worst part about insomnia, its just really, really boring. There’s nothing going on, and a little while from now there will be tons of things to do, but now all I do is lay here and do nothing. I usually think about all of the important stuff in the first hour, and it feels pointless to think about the same things over and over. You can only plan how you ask a girl out to prom so many times. How you’re asking? Well, its simple, I’m going to walk right up to her, and ask. I’m too tired to plan a lot of bullshit. It seems like all of my friends treat the scenario like they’re going to propose to these girls, and you know most of them are going to split away from their dates, will be stood up, have a terrible time, and are only trying to get dates, because apparently going with somebody you wont have too much fun with is better than going alone and enjoying yourself. Who am I to judge? I’m actually asking a girl that I have feelings for, that’s what makes me different. Sure, I’ve heard that some more competent guy is going to ask her, but I’ll just swoop in before he sets up whatever bullshit he has planned. I have to mark my territory. Okay, it may be more of his territory, they do both have a thing for each other, but I’ve liked her for so much longer! When she goes with me, she’ll definitely fall in love with me, there’s now way she wont.
Well, unless she rejects me, but I choose not to think about that. What’s the point of that?
And now I’m back in the sand trap, because what else is there to think about now? Maybe I don’t have that much going on, that might be my problem. Although, I could also not have much going on because I can never get a good night’s sleep, so then it isn’t my fault and I’m actually really amazing, and its not my fault. I’d be in such a better position if I had an appropriate sleep schedule, and I probably wouldn’t have to worry about rejection if-well I mean I don’t worry about rejection, which wont happen, so like.. Maybe I am already great, but people just don’t see that because I look tired, and then they think, “Oh, that guy looks really tired all of the time. He must be really boring, and even if he can talk about the coolest things, like late-night infomercials and the origins of cereal mascots, we would just think he’s boring because the first impression is the only impression. He could be superman and we wouldn’t care, our mind is already made up, and we’re the problem, not him.”
Fuck, don’t even get me started on cereal mascots.
Do you ever try to water your lawn, but your hose just isn’t long enough? Does your short hose attract snakes, because they think of it as one of their own? Does your child accidentally get tangled in the hose, when they play with it, and you have to miss work just to get them free? Well, don’t worry any longer, because we have a hose that doesn’t have any of those problems. Watch it water this lawn! WOW! And look, with its acrylic, hydropourous designed, it even keeps snakes away. Snakes refuse to even come within a mile of this hose, and your whole neighborhood will thank you. Plus, it wards off children, which will prevent them from getting tangled up in this hose in the first place. Which is good, because this hose is so fucking long, that if your kid did play in it, it would be better to just go out and get a new kid instead of bothering with all of those knots.You don’t have to worry about that, though, because they wont go near it in the first place. So don’t worry about it! With twenty-two easy payments of $16.95, this hose could be yours, and we’ll even throw in another hose! For free! Now you can water your front lawn, and your back lawn, at the same time! Imagine all the time you’ll save! Save more time and order now! Order now!
Now, listening to that commercial almost allowed me to drift off to sleep. There’s something about it that’s soothing, and its probably the scene with the swimming pool full of snakes, the way they move is rhythmic, its hypnotic. However, there was one obstacle that prevented me from sleeping, and that was the noise of my door slowly opening. At first I thought it might have been a sound from the television, but then I realized that the commercial never had a door opening scene, and I started to become afraid. My fears were well founded, too, because when I looked up at the door, I saw the face of my crush staring at me. Though, it wasn’t really her face, it was like a cardboard cut out of her face, that somebody was wearing as a mask.
Oh no, I’m going to be murdered by the love of my life.
There was just this long moment where we stared at each other, all the while the television is displaying a black and white scene, where a man is struggling to get out from his seat belt, which is slowly constricting him. Eventually, I don’t know how long it took, but she finally began to slowly move into my room, and turned out to be much, much taller that I expected. Like, her head touched the ceiling, requiring her to have to stare down at me, head at an awkward angle. Honestly, I can’t even remember a thing about what the body was like, all I could do was focus on her face, that mask. It was like the rest of her was always seen out of the corner of my eye, but I had to of looked directly at it several times. I can vaguely remember it being large, and I know she wasn’t just some dumb, floating mask. Hell, there was even hair from behind it, which was really long, but it was a slightly different color than her hair.
I think I would’ve pissed myself if she didn’t suddenly tell me, “I love you. I love you very much, yes I do.” It brought a dumb grin to my face, and even if she might not have been my crush, oh man was it great to hear that from her. My whole face must have been red.
Wait, must have? Why am I explaining this in past tense, isn’t this currently happening? I mean, I’m sitting right here, looking right at her face, and
“Don’t you love me? Isn’t there something you want to ask me? Please ask me it, please oh please, I would like that very much.”
How did she know about that? I wasn’t really sure, but shit, you only get that opportunity once, I guess. Its not every day that the love of your life walks into your bedroom, and gives you the perfect opportunity to ask her. The words were a little difficult to bring out at first, but when the first one slipped out, the others effortlessly followed. “Wih-will you go to prom with me?”
“Oh yes, oh yes. I would love that very much, yes I would. Yes I would. It has made me so happy that you asked me that, and I’m so glad that you asked me before that rotten Harold did.”
“You are?”
“Mmmm, very much so. You know he can’t compare to you. Oh yes, oh yes. Now that you’ve made me happy, so happy, oh so happy, don’t you want to keep this going? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“Well yeah, of course I do. Your happiness means so much to me.”
“Oh yay, oh yay,” I could hear her clapping, maybe multiple people clapping, but that wouldn’t make sense. “Mmmm, I’m so happy to have found such a great man, its like we’re in one of those movies, we’re meant to be together aren’t we? Yes, oh yes, please tell me we’re meant to be together. Promise me that, will you?”
“I promise. I swear on my life, we’ll be together forever.”
“Happy, yes, happy I am. Now, I would like to ask you to do something else for me, can I ask it?”
“What?”
“Can I ask it, can I ask it? Please let me ask it?”
“Uh, yeah sure. Ask away, babe.”
“Oh good, oh good. I need your baby teeth, I want you to give me your baby teeth, can you be a dear and go get them for me? I love you very much, and I-”
“What? Why do you need-”
That crying, oh god that awful crying. I never wanted to hear that again, I never wanted to see hear head move like that again, I had to stop her. Sure, the question may have been a little weird, but she probably had good reasons for it. I mean, I did love her. I mean I do love her. That’s why I had- I mean have… I have to stop the crying now right? Fuck, I’m going to vomit if I have to hear this for any longer, “Yeah yeah, I’ll get them for you. Don’t cry babe, I’m sorry that I-”
“You said you loved me, you did, you did, and now you have to tease me like this? I don’t think you love me at all.”
“No, I do, I swear I do. Come over here, let me hold you, its alright.”
“Oh, no. Oh, no. Is sex the only thing you care about? I thought we were in love, love love love, why could you-”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m just not used to this, I’ve never really been with somebody as beautiful as you. You’re like a painting, you know? Like a really beautiful painting, or something.”
“Then get the teeth.”
“Okay, I’ll-”
“Get the teeth, get the teeth. If you love me, love love love me, then get me the teeth, or I will cry again. I’ll cry and cry-”
“Okay, okay-”
“And then I’ll have to do something bad. Bad bad bad. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
“What…” At that moment, for a brief second, like the thought suddenly flashed in my mind, I realized.. I mean I’m realizing, now, that I have been unable to look away from her face that whole time. I don’t think I could’ve looked away if I wanted to. “What do you mean by that?”
“Mmmmmm, you want to be together do you? Forever? Well, then we’d never be together, and I’d have to be with everyone but you.”
“Okay, I’ll get the teeth. There’s a problem though?”
“Problem?”
“Yes, I think they’re in the closet in my parents bedroom?”
“And?”
“Well, I think my parents are sleeping in there now, and they’d wake up if I came in. It would probably upset them, especially since I have a girl in the house when I’m not supposed to. They’d probably get the wrong idea, and I’d get in a lot of trouble.’
“Mmmmm. That is a problem, problem problem problem.” At that moment she stopped moving, and stared completely still. Then, “Okay, I love you, so much, so much, that I know how we’ll get through this. We’ll persevere as a couple, won’t we? Hm?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we could get through anything.”
“Now, give me a kiss, a little kiss, and then follow me. There will be no more problems, because love is the solution, its the only solution.” Her face moved forwards until it was right in front of mine, basically pressing into me, and I kissed her. Sure, she was a little cold, but it was… magical. You know those scenes in movies, where people kiss and the camera spins around them, and there are fire works in the background? Well, that’s kind of what I felt. No, that’s exactly what I felt. “Follow me, follow follow.” And then I followed her down the hallway, the whole time she walked backwards, looking down at me, and I kept my eyes fixed on her. Maybe it was her beauty that kept me enthralled.
As we moved, we were completely silent. I couldn’t even hear the door to the bedroom open, but I also didn’t even know when we got into the bedroom. All I saw was her face, and I walked wherever it went to. Eventually, it sunk down, and across from it I could see my sleeping parents, while she kept, or is, nodding down at them. First it was confusing, but then I realized I was holding something in both of my hands. I had to hold it up so that it could be in my point of view, and it turned out to be the knife from that infomercial. When it was held up, the blade blocked out her face, and it allowed me to see.. Well, her body. Let me just tell you that, I plan on forgetting about it and… Fuck, what’s happening right now, why am I here, what IS that? Shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I gotta move, should I kill it? Should I kill whatever that is?
Panicking, I moved to throw the knife, but when I saw her beautiful face.. Wow. Love man, its really an amazing feeling. Was I ever embarrassed about that little freak out, and she started crying again, probably upset that I was falling out of love with her. That awful noise started to get my parents to stir, and that was bad news. If they saw us in here, would they ground me? Would they keep me from seeing her again?
Oh no, I finally found love and now my parents are going to take it away from me.
Oh no, I’m going to be grounded during prom.
I had to act fast, and let me just say that the knife really was great at cutting. Skin, bone, intestines, muscle, man it cut through it all like no problem. Must have been the expert craftsmanship. Hell, at one point I even accidentally cut through the mattress, it was all effortless. What a great knife, this thing is basically indestructible. Hell, with a normal knife I don’t know how long it would take me to root out those teeth, but with this knife it only took about a minute each for both parents. I can’t believe that it only costs (ten easy payments of) $12.99! You’d have to be dumb not to order now.
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