christopher-evans-art
Christopher Evans Art
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New Beginnings
It might be a rare arrangement of the planets or something else but I awoke with a strong notion that I should change my path entirely with my art and life journey.
From 22nd April 2024 , the day after my 59th birthday I will cease to make colourful and expressive paintings with acrylic paint and other un-natural products. No matter how much I found the process fun , Mother Earth has called me. It is time for nature to be my teacher and to follow a natural path of creation through experimentation and connection to this beautiful earth.
All materials will be found from nature , inks made from plants and pigments from earth applied to handmade papers. Exploring mono prints and natural collage utilising natural inks onto beautiful handmade papers. Finding shapes and form inspired from what nature shows me. Finding natural forms through wood and stone carvings. Seeking out through experimenting and bringing into the world new creation. I want to show you how nature makes art.
I have a strong urge to make things , to explore my creativity and to connect deeply with the natural world we live in. To inspire others to re connect back to themselves through nature. There will be some referencing to resilience as understanding how our mind works along with mindfulness and meditation has helped me figure out me and to get closer to the authentic self. I am curious to see how this evolves.
My journal will have natural cadence to it , when I have something I will post it but when not I shall be quiet just like nature itself. We are often too hard on ourselves and it isn’t natural to force something just for the sake of it.
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JFDI
It was a friend of my ex wife that used the phrase “JFDI” , I am not a person who swears so I am replacing the “F” with “Flipping” rather than the actual word he used.
I began thinking more about the phrase meaning after a learnt more about how our psychological system works as before it just sounded really harsh.
Our Psychological system wants to help and protect us and doesnt know the distinction of different belief structures. It will respond or react according to what we believe. This is especially the case when we procrastinate : it is not us being lazy but our psychological system protecting us as we subconsciously believe that something will psychologically harm us. I had built up a belief that it was my work which caused me so much harm in my life and when my marriage broke , it was a confirmation to that belief. Afterwards I struggled with doing the work , it was excruciating and traumatic. Subconscious messages into my thoughts when I was working creating all manner of dark thoughts working on the projects , leading to terrible feelings and behaviour which led me to hating everything. I began to procrastinate which made more pressure on an already high pressure work, it was completely counter intuitive. I was in a mess.
Although the work I did was not mentally healthy for me any more , it was not the work which was causing me trauma. It was not the work which caused me so much pain and solitude in the past. It was my attachments of needing to be valued and my lack of confidence within me. It was my relationship to my work , my lack of mindfulness and awareness plus lack of confidence to do something else which could fulfil me. There was always a painful resistance but I was so lost in my mind I never noticed it , my body was already telling me this isn’t for me , but lack of knowledge and understanding of myself concealed that instruction.
Everyday my negative belief within myself are creating thoughts and feelings to block what I want to do with my life. The crazy thing , the unintuitive thing, is not doing seems ok even though that’s the very thing , which soothes me will be my downfall. Although I would love so much that my painting and art will be the transformative path for new a financial livelihood , it is more that I can actually move forward with my life , work through the pain and see what really is hurting me. As long as I can find something which I can make , be self employed and live a simple life I do not mind it not being painting which fulfils that : I will paint until I physically cannot paint no matter what.
Therefore , my mantra is “ Just Flipping Do It” whatever pain and procrastination my psychological system conjures up I am going to weather it. No matter how my thoughts and feelings cover up my wellbeing I know that the sun is always there behind it shining brightly. Not every day will be great , in fact most days might be awful but I am prepared to walk through awful to free myself.
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Someones Anger
I recently was interviewed by Ken Bromley Art Supplies on their blog “ Christopher Evans Art” and they kindly pushed the interview out on instagram and Facebook pages. On Facebook there was an angry emoji. You would have thought how could my colourful , playful art even anger anyone.
Our psychological system is predictable. Due to our subconscious attachments we create conditions and rules as we believe they will protect us and when those rules are threatened it informs our thoughts which become off track with anger , judgement or whatever negative responses, creating ill feelings and shows up in our behaviour. It is entirely innocent and most people are not aware of themselves , they believe their thoughts and think everyone perceives life exactly the same as they do. I have no idea of the persons context of attachment but the anger emoji is about him.
I had been struggling with my mental health for a few weeks and I was thinking about 3am before how can I ease my pain , what do I need to do to care for my mind health. It is not nice to receive such an unwarranted anger projection even if you I understand the mechanics of it , my own attachments and separate reality become triggered. The main idea was about my repetitive thinking and move my thoughts to something else , or just sitting with a mindfulness breath meditation and let it play out and pass. Our minds become stuck as we are trying to figure out what you have done wrong.
In the Book “Buddha Brain “ The Neurologist Author Rick Hanson PH.d suggests that our brain is like a computer and pushes unused language to the background and therefore by being mindful of our thoughts replace negative thought patterns with more helpful thinking.
What occurred to me to let it pass was compassion. It must be horrible to be so reactive that someones work creates anger and wish to spoil their endeavours. To live without awareness and be at the mercy of your own thoughts believing their illusions cannot be a great way of being. It isn’t pity or even sympathy but compassion and care.
The compassion begins with self and to soothe yourself , sit quietly and let it pass without judgement as after all it is only stuff and extending outwards to him. It is releasing for yourself to forgive by wishing that person care for their reactive behaviour. It has nowhere else to go when you create compassion but release and growth. Your mind becomes unstuck and more peaceful as you replaced your own thoughts with love.
The insight of knowing that your wellbeing is innate within you and you do not need conditions and rules in order to be OK. It is only a emoji or a negative comment and nothing else. The compassion is a way of being which transforms your own triggered energy back to peacefulness.
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Walk down to the Ure
I am not 100% certain as life has a canny way of surprising you but my expectation is this will be my last walk down to this part of the river Ure which feels quite sad. I am happy that I will experience the emergence of spring and early summer.
I was hoping to get down into the river as usually this bend is quite shallow with gravel beds and they create lovely shapes of water flowing and arrange rocks and gravel. It has been so wet and is at the moment living up to its ancient Brithonic name Isura “swift river” which changed over the years to Yore which maybe the root of the Viking “Jorvik” and now the Ure.
It has been difficult to get out into nature , without having a car and the weather being so foul but I managed to get myself down without getting too wet.
in 2017 I had managed to get myself in a really poor physical state due to my mind condition and received a telling off by my doctor. I began every early morning to walk down to the River , sit and have a meditate and walk back to the top of the hill were I live which helped both my physical and mental health. I have a soft spot for this walk and section of river therefore I needed to at least capture part of it as a visual memory. I have also a relationship to the river with a friends dedicated work in keeping Salmon in the river.
Nidderdale is so lush and vibrant especially at this time of year. It such a pretty landscape. I will miss this place. Everything is coming alive and it is joy to connect to the energy.
The Hedgrows are filling up with bright green leaves and the hawthorn early flowers popping up in little batches of white.
The structural gnarly shapes of the Hedgerows have now been covered up but there is still Lichen and Moss shapes to nature my imagination. The changing seasons are a delight as it always surprises you with new things to connect to.
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Where is your attention
I watched a Podcast with Anita Moorjani being interviewed. Her story is miraculous, both inspiring and aspiring. I was drawn to a metaphor she used as it differed to one I usually use. It described certain aspects of our life more accurately.
Anita described a warehouse that was so vast you could not see the horizontal and vertical boundaries. The warehouse was filled with racks floor to ceiling of everything which exists. Anita stated that each person walks through this warehouse with a torch as the whole place is pitch black. The torch is limited in its field of enlightening what is before us which is our attention , our awareness is where our attention lies.
Due to the torch we can only see a minute element of what is in our life therefore we tend to think it is the extent of what there is. What we cannot see we do not perceive! When difficult or challenging things happen we blame those events or people for our suffering as it is the only thing we are aware of. We find it difficult see beyond and within ourselves as our attention is only fixed on that thing. Quite often as our attention has been so fixed on negative stuff which keeps on showing up we believe it is our fault and label ourselves, “ I am unlucky “ or whatever.
Being resilient means although we may not be able to see most of the warehouse as we are only human, we know it is there in its expansiveness. Not only aware of it existing, we have access to everything within it, we just need to broaden our awareness. All possibilities exist for us and whatever shows up in our awareness is a tiny aspect of our life.
A lot of us and that includes myself create anxiety due to making things conditional in our life as we think that is the only way to feel OK. We do not believe that life can naturally unfold without us fixating our anxious attention on something all the time until we become burnt out with the over thinking. We try and think out something we cannot possibly know and our minds become stuck , after all , if you cannot see the expansiveness of life, things do look very acute and limited.
Knowing all possibilities exist within that warehouse even though we cannot see it , is being resilient. It is not about getting or having to be resilient it already exist within you , it has just been covered up due to you thinking your wellbeing is conditional.
I will paraphrase what Alan Watts said about intuition: “we cannot know everything which is happening , we can not think it out as there are infinite possibilities which can happen mostly all outside of our knowledge and control” . We can learn to let go of trying to think out what we do not know and learn to trust our intuition within our body. It is about feeling the presence of all the stuff in the warehouse by freeing your acute attention with mindfulness. Intuition is broadening our awareness. It is that gut feeling that keeps on showing up but often dismiss as it does not have a lexicon.
This shows up in my life every day with my new path of being a painter. Just because something has not happened yet, it does not mean it won’t happen or it is not about to happen as how can you possibly know. You have trust by doing the work and knowing if it does not happen I will still be OK. Knowing that you have everything within you regardless of whatever happens and there is infinite universe of possibilities is beautiful and graceful way of being : this is unconditional innate resilience.
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Beauty is in the heart
I watched recently on YouTube a video about the Artist Agnes Martin in which she states that beauty is in the mind. I think we are coming from the same direction with different words. I do not feel that beauty can be defined or intellectualised although society tends to try and dictate what it is to us. I believe that beauty exist in our hearts and when we a truly free from the attachments of conditions it becomes unconditional. In Naess book “Ecology of Wisdom” he always pointed his tent whilst out in the mountains to view to something simple rather than a magnificent Norwegian vista as he thought even the smallest thing is beautiful. Personally I do not think about beauty in my art , I do not think it is my job too make the world pretty but to express something other worldly , something beyond our realm and to colourise the world with fun , joy and playfulness as we have become so serious.
Within the interview Agnes expressed a shared view point that people expectations of music is to create emotion but when it comes to painting people are needing explanations. Like Agnes my art is an emotion , an ever changing emotion , flexible and flickering from each moment you look at it. I cannot explain the craziness which comes from my body making paintings and I do not think it is necessary but just to share it. I think that paintings can create a beautiful connection , a bond like friendship ; it is not one dimensional , it is multifaceted like humans.
Our minds fill in the gaps to what we see and perceive and our attachments flavour our thinking forming feelings about something. We never really see and experience the exact same thing. I love this , as everyone sees my paintings through their own separate reality. It doesnt matter whether it is a negative , positive or indifferent response. This makes my art ever changing.
The challenge is questioning your own beliefs and conditions about life , to reimagine your reality to be something different. Leave the judgement at home and go to a gallery and instead of trying to think it , just sit and look at it : no words needed. Let the paintings be part of your story like you would with music. You should fill your walls with paintings as much as you fill the room with music.
The heart is greater than interior design and who cares what others think when each morning paintings greet you and bring joy to your heart.
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"not really scary" expressive outsider acrylic painting on A2 paper
#outsider art#expressive painting#expressive art#neoexpressionism#intuitive art#acrylic painting#art#original art#art for sale
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Guest House Poem with my recent blog
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Welcome Life
This poem has been part of my life since I started doing a post graduate course in Mindfulness in 2020 to my teaching modules for resilience training. I think about this poem a lot and the wisdom it holds, as so many layers to it.
Sometimes I have an insight about something which happened to me in my past especially the betrayal and the pain which followed and think how much better my life is better now. I think about the lessons I have learned from it and how I have changed. How many times have things happen in life which at the time feel disastrous and we will never get over become a blessing ?
Everyday I struggle with my mental health and I am happier now in awareness of it being there and not just accepting it conditionally but wholeheartedly making it my friend , a guest which is welcome. It comes and goes by itself and it isnt for sure pretty when its here but there is a space for it. I now experience it as guide , my life mentor and companion. It is telling me to be graceful with life ups and downs.
Today when talking to my barber , and my barber can talk . Once in my life I would have let the irritation of not being able to get a word in edge way affect me. Now , although I feel irritated within me as those attachments of needed to be heard still exist on the other side of that is something really cool. I have managed to animate the barbers enthusiasm and passion to open up a talk about real things in life. I listened with care. Learning to be with our feelings rather than reacting to them is part of this poem. When we stop reacting and start listening with grace, contains so much healing and evolvement.
I was reminded of the poem ( this is why it is my journal today) as all in one day this week my car is beyond repair , my boiler broke down and kitchen tap broke. It reminds me that things happen , a joy , a depression and meanness or unfairness of stuff in our life. It reminds me that it is only stuff , there is no meaning in it , there is no hatred from the universe , there is no identity of being unlucky : it is just stuff. The resilience , and often as it is perhaps begins with being angry is seeing the blue sky and making it right. Yes , I had not financially planned on replacing the car and it is a bit painful . A different context of finance it would have been , OK , but I get a new to me car. My attachments to holding on with micro control my finances caused the pain , not the car breaking down.
There was joy in these moments too. People wanted to help me to a point that even the loveliest of ladies and friend who works in the local cafe offered use of her car.
When we stop reacting to things and filling up our minds up with repetitive negative thinking we can look and listen and find some clarity. Sometimes grim unplanned events can bring delight in different ways. You still have a problem but you have choice in how to approach the problem and it does not change anything beating yourself up when what you really need is clarity.
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expressive outsider acrylic painting on A2 paper
#outsider art#expressive painting#expressive art#neoexpressionism#intuitive art#acrylic painting#original art#art for sale
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I love how the water and lichen have drawn a shape on rock. It looks like a Buffalo to me.
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Moment of Arising
When I was learning meditation I was taught about the moment of arising. Our thoughts happen subconsciously and then emerge into our consciousness. With a lot of meditation practice we can realise those thoughts before they even pop up. I feel that spring is like that and this time of year is the moment before arising , where little buds of life pop up ready for its riot of vividness some weeks later.
Today , not being a good day for my car but a great day to wander down the River Ure from Masham towards Hackfall woods. I love this walk , typically it has been a thinking about life walk whilst waiting for my car to be serviced. It is an easy walk of about 80 minutes to Hackfall at a slow curious about nature pace , maybe a rummage in Hackfall if you have time and 80 mins back for a bite to eat in Masham.
I am not much into Travel blogs as I like the adventure of finding out for myself about a new place. But if you find yourself in the friendly market town of Masham for a little well deserved break I would recommend the walk , just pack for muddy paths if it has been raining.
I have been having vivid dreams and waking up feeling determined to try and make my own life. All my working life I have needed others and lived in anxiety due to lack of confidence in myself. “others” have not needed me so much but found me useful for themselves and without any awareness I have complied.
I have just completed a course in Resilience training but I just woke compelled to abandon it and dedicate to making. Resilience training is a great thing and it is really helpful to learn why they think , feel and behave. I realised it is not my calling , it just something that distracts me as I do not believe in myself.
I have been so hard on myself about ideas and things I tried not coming to fruition but it seems like all those clouds have lifted and a see a different me and it wasn’t because I was not enough but it was not meant to be. The universe has been screaming at me, but I had not been listening.
I bloody hope that’s the reason as I have decided to dedicate my time to creating an independent life as an artist.
There are two paths of thoughts I can go down. A path which I believe that it is hopeless and I am at the mercy of other people. Or, a path of curiosity , finding out what is possible. Unless I suddenly get an insight into my lack of belief in myself which may set me free I have to live with those sabotaging thoughts and feelings and look what lies on the other side: that means letting go and just doing the work regardless. I over think everything repetitively leaving no room just to be human and let things unfold. It is impossible to think out everything , we cannot possibly know what lies before us, we have to do the work and let everything else unfold by itself.
Here are images of moments of arising for 2024. New year , new hope and a new beginning. I find comfort seeing old life , without judgement compost itself back into the ground ready to reemerge itself once again, maybe slightly evolved for its environment. I feel encouraged when I see my moments of arising in nature at this time of year.
Nature shows us the path of resilience by no matter what is happening it is always seeking life , ways to grow , to flourish and for a small moment to flower and fruit. Nature has given us those tools and like everything else which is nature it is not supposed to be in bloom every day of the year all our life.
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spring has sprung along the hedgerows.
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Finding art in nature. Lichen Lady with dress.
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expressive outsider acrylic painting on 40 x 60cm board
#outsider art#expressive art#expressive painting#neoexpressionism#intuitive art#acrylic painting#art#original art#art for sale
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Back to Barcelona
Two new paintings on paper : An Acrylic Paint & Indian Ink on A3 paper : “Come & Dance” . An Acrylic & Spray Paint on A2 Paper “Party Cat” .
It has been exciting few weeks with New York last weekend and a return to Barcelona over Easter Break along with Arteom Gallery “ Broaden the Horizon “ Virtual Exhibition. I had planned to go to Barcelona for my next exhibition as it is a favourite place of mine but I had not imagined another exhibition so soon. Hopefully next time.
The Holy Art have some amazing exhibitions with great artist and their opening night events are always full of energy. If you are interested in finding out more about them click on the “The Holy Art “ link.
I was thinking about how much I admire artist which can consistently keep to a theme with their paintings. My brain just doesn’t allow it even with the best intentions , sometimes a few painting later something of a similar theme arise but I really do not have control over this.
My work comes from a place I have no control over , it is intuitive place which sometimes frustratingly is guided by my feelings and often sabotage by my thoughts. I have learned a great deal about trusting my heart and just keep going until id find something rather than listening to my thinking mind.
I seem to always go back to Resilience building and understanding what drives my thoughts which has become helpful but still bloody horrible when in the thick of it.
It is an innocent event where our psychological system is protecting us as we believe that we won’t be OK if someone does not like what we do. Our psychological system does not know it is illogical. Those negative thoughts creating feelings of panic attack to behaviours of procrastination or giving up on something has directly come from our attachments and beliefs.
Learning about my mind at its relationship to the world and especially as a man understanding the power of my feelings has helped me become a painter . It has helped me realise what I really want to do. I have re connected back to me.
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