deadassjsawhitegirl

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i wish i could talk more and have the energy to talk to people. i feel like all i do is hurt people with my absence but also with my presence

#my mom scolding me for the ants in my room #i need to clean my room

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i deserve this loneliness

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

Modern Art

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

give me a nicely scented candle, a good long youtube video and some good flavored nic and i will be the happiest camper

#bpd safe #candles #i love candles #night time #sleepy girl #kurtis conner #danny gonzalez #one direction #commentary youtuber #the best kind #nicole rafiee #girl rotting

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i wish i could dream forever

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

relapsing is so shitty because once i start its so hard to stop, atleast when everyone found out the first time, i had my mom, i had friends, i had my bum (not-so) therapist but i feel so guilty and disappointed in myself i cant get myself to tell anyone. its like

"ugh again? i though you got better? jesus christ."

i wish i wanted to get better for myself but i really dont. i (try to) get better for my closest friends, for my mom, for my cats. it will never be about me when it comes to my lively hood but i hate that i dont want to get better. i really really want too, want to. if that makes sense? i know its not hard, i can just stop, i can give my mom my bl8de, i can use coping mechanisms, i can try harder. but the other side of me is screaming to continue and to get worse than i am, worse than i ever have been, give myself scars that will stay with me for the rest of my life so everyone can see what i feel. if i cant understand how to cope with my head then instead i can understand how to put a bandaid on. if someone wont take the time to understand how i work, how i think, how to help me. then atleast they can dress my wounds.

#actually bpd #attatchment #erm #bpd feels #actually mentally ill #cw sh #sh mention

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i wish i could write songs, i wish i wrote better, i wish i understood how to put my words together, i wish i understood how i think, i wish i could be granted three wishes. i know id never be happy though

#actually bpd #writing #writeblogging #writeblr #poetry #poem #writers and poets #billie eilish

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i wish i looked sicker

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

i wanna cvt so bad ive been clean for a month and everyones so proud of me for it but i feel so trapped in my skin and the only way i know ill feel comfortable again is if i cvt some skin open to let myself breathe. i havent breathed in so long.

#tw sh related #cw #cw vent #cw sh #tw sh destructive behaviour #sh vent #or sh #sh cvt #sh tumblr #sh things #sh mention #self h@rm #i want to cvt #omg yall someone tell me to chillax #im at like 30 something days #i feel suffocated

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

WHERE IS MY NERDY, OFF PUTTING BUT SWEET BOYFRIEND WITH DARK CIRCLES

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

learning about calories ruined my life. the knowledge of the calories in every single food haunts me food isn't food to me anymore it's a number

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

[deadassjsawhitegirl]

the girlbloggers guide to cinema ୨୧