disabled-kain

[disabled-kain]

I'm working on accepting that I will likely always be socially awkward because I'm autistic.

As hard as I have tried to understand and pick up on social cues, I will never be able to get all of them all the time. I will also probably always speak in a way that sounds robotic/unnatural to neurotypical people. And that's okay.

That's not something I have to punish and scold myself for.

The people who matter will accept me as I am.

#autism spectrum #autism #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autistic #autistic adult #social cues #self acceptance #kain's original posts

[disabled-kain]

to the disabled person who needs to hear this:

you don't have to earn or "deserve": resting, sleeping, taking your medications (including OTC meds, cannabis, creams, etc.), using your mobility aids, eating, declining to go to an event, choosing to stay home, having a self care/lazy day, or taking care of yourself in any other capacity. you can be good to yourself today.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

Apparently this needs to be said:

Spouses/partners/significant others of disabled people are not "heroes", ok?

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

Being ill made me both stronger and softer

My whole life, I have been the type of person to avoid confrontation. I hated standing up for myself. I only argued within my family for the most part, and was the sort of person who could feel guilty and panicked just by making eye contact with a perfectly nice security guard having just paid for something.

So it is safe to say I did my utmost not to end up in confrontational situations. In fact, more than once, I headed off a potential confrontation by physically running away. Yes, that’s right, running away.

But after I became chronically ill and disabled, things started to change for me. Because backing down meant agreeing that I didn’t need to take up so much space. That I didn’t deserve the same respect as able-bodied members of society. That my illness made me lesser. I had to fight for appointments, for medications, for tests, for funding, for every possible type of aid. Because if I didn’t become my own advocate, then no one would. I was the one who had to draw battle lines, and to say “No more” to those who thought I could be trampled or intimidated into backing down. I had to look at the situation and realistically say “This isn’t going to get better on its own”, to say “I have to push back if I want to be heard”. Becoming ill made me harder, stronger, like forged steel. I have edges now. I stand up for myself. If I don’t agree, I will say so. If I am being shut down, I will let myself be angry. I will be prepared to argue my point, my view, my worth. I didn’t have those edges before.

Conversely, it has also made me softer, more empathetic. Suddenly I found myself in a place where people were discarded by a system meant to safeguard them. People who fell through the cracks in the fabric of an able-bodied, healthy society. People who felt invisible, left behind, silenced. People I probably never would have met. Never would have had the chance to learn from. I care, more deeply than I think I will ever be able to express, about every single person who feels they have lost their voice, for any reason, because I see and feel how it can be. I know now how it feels to be talked down to, to be belittled, to be made lesser for things beyond my control.

These past few years I have run the gamut of emotions, but most of all I have felt true empathy, and I have felt blinding, exhausting anger. The impotent rage of someone faced with something they know is fundamentally wrong at the core, yet cannot change. A promise of a life that is dangled like Tantalus’ grapes, only to be left just out of reach. A promise of care that can never appear, because the system wasn’t built to scale and not everyone can be helped. A promise to be treated like a person, only to be turned into an oddity at the last moment. I will not let anger be my legacy. I am pouring that rage into the molten core of my spine, to strengthen it, so that I can wield righteous anger and empathy both, and be both sharp, soft, and hard to break.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

abled people need to realise that “trying your best to recover” is exhausting, especially if your illness is chronic because you know you won’t recover.

sometimes we need to rest, we can’t be “trying our best to recover” all the time. being disabled is already a full time job.

also, just because a disabled person isn’t doing everything they can to recover it doesn’t mean that they’re faking it.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

Disabled pride is putting your own feelings about your disability above all else. Mourn what you feel must be mourned; celebrate what you feel must be celebrated. Nobody gets to tell you how you are supposed to feel.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

Please don’t use your disability to invalidate someone else’s experience.

Saying things like “well, I also have this disability and I’m able to do that” is invalidating.

Disabilities are not the same for everyone. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean someone else can. Or maybe they can, but at the expense of their well being. And just because someone can technically do something doesn’t mean they should have to hurt themselves trying to.

What people can do also changes day to day and that’s okay.

Your experience is not universal. Please take disabled people at their word when they say they can’t do something and don’t make them feel bad about it.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

What an autistic person says: "How long is it going to take?"

What they mean: "I want to know whether to activate my short term waiting mode where I just wait and do nothing else, or activate my long term waiting mode where I occupy my mind with something else. I fully understand that both are possibilities, and I have no problem whatsoever with either one, but I want more information so I can best adapt to the situation."

What neurotypical people hear: "I am impatient and demand that everything I want happen right now. Please scold me and publicly humiliate me for it."

#reblogs #queue

[disabled-kain]

there are 4 elements to improving your mood: relaxation, stress management, cognitive control, and exercise (RECS for short). and I think people who struggle to do so don't realize they're focusing too much on one area, or aren't doing them effectively.

like as my therapist told me, using your phone or watching TV to relax doesn't really work because your brain is still "on" and processing a shit ton of information, or doesn't really engage your mind while still requiring concentration.

me personally, I think I wind up relying on cognitive control to tackle emotions instead of addressing them in the other ways.

here's how to do your RECS:

Relax: Read, write, listening to calming music (but don't rely solely on this! and don't listen constantly) going into nature or a park, meditation, puzzles

Exercise: walking, yoga, weight lifting, dance, gardening, cleaning the house

Cognitive control: self control/stop & think, self monitoring/evaluation, emotional control/managing feelings, flexibility, task initiation, organising, planning (and the things they teach you in CBT)

Stress management: breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, talking/venting

you can pick one from each and see how they affect you when you’re feeling a strong emotion, you might need different techniques for different emotions.

#reblogs #reference

[disabled-kain]

This blog will always be in support of people with subclinical or undefined disabilities.

As we see with the recent narrowing of the diagnosis of autism, as well as how the definition of EDS was narrowed, the diagnosis criteria for disabilities is not purely scientific, and often carries motivations that are closely tied to ableism. If someone is subclinical for a disability but is suffering from or limited by it, that will be respected here.

The second is more personally motivated. We never found out what my father's most disabling disability was, but by the end of his life, he couldn't be touched without experiencing pain. The fact that I can't put a name to his disability does not mean that he was not disabled.

Not knowing how to name your disability is isolating and frustrating. But here, you are part of the disabled community.

I hope that you get the care and accommodations that you need, even without a diagnosis to put force behind it.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

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[disabled-kain]

I'm so extremely serious when I say doctors should be put through an extremely extensive reliscensing process every 10 years. Doctors should have their knowledge scrutinized against current medical research and be de-barred at even the tiniest discrepancy. Too many old doctors absolutely refuse to stay up to date on research and dismiss patients because of their personal experiences. Too many people die every year because doctors don't take us seriously and refuse to listen to people who KNOW something is wrong. Too many people are told their problems are nothing and come back in a year or more with serious illnesses and doctors are just like "lol everyone makes mistakes" but doctors mistakes routinely cost people their lives! I'm tired of medical malpractice being swept away under the guise of "mistakes were made."

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

your bare minimum isn’t actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that there’s nothing in this world that’s easy and that’s true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like you’re not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and what’s currently available to you: chances are, there’s something that’s diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think that’s really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you can’t be proud of your growth if you don’t notice where you already are!

#reblogs #reference

[disabled-kain]

hate executive dysfunction because it leaves me sitting here knowing that i need to get up and do something but it’s like i am frozen in the spot. i know im running out of time but the panic isn’t setting in yet and i am screaming to myself in my head please please let me go!!!

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

"I judge people for this trait commonly associated with disabled people, but if they are disabled I obviously don't judge them for that!" thats not how it works. holy shit thats not how it works.

#reblogs

[disabled-kain]

#reblogs #reference

[disabled-kain]

#reblogs #bpd vent #queue