dreadisdelight

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most american thing i have encountered in a while

lmao lets try this

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no clue who joe bishop is but A BURGER?? damn my ass doesn't need more sodium but this looks good

(guy who is so hingry$ I NEED TO EAT A BURGER!!!!!!

Tasty burger with beautiful background Hot hamburger Delicious food

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is it time to mention that sebastian is my side one??

some sebastian because i also like him a lot

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PLEASE DONT READ IT YOURE SENSITIVE TO LGBTQIA+ TOPICS!!!!!!!!:

sometimes i just sit there and wonder what i identify as.

i grew up in an area where i didn't have much representation of anything, "gay" was an insult and colours were dedicated to specific chromosomes. if you grazed football as a girl, you were seen as a tomboy alongside if you even looked at claires you were just odd. i think some messed up part of me still believes that, despite every fibre in my being disagreeing with it. there wasn't much representation of being homosexual in a form or another, mainly just jacqueline wilson books i peered into with such curiosity and utmost wonder.

it sort of struck me that i was different when i was much younger too. hell, sleepovers with girls scared me since they smelled so "sweet" or they were much prettier than me. we all watched films with the odd kissing scene and wanted to peer into the mirror, maybe attempt at looking into it without shame. it didn't stick, yet it didn't wipe off. i kissed a girl on her cheek in my bedroom when i was about nine, fags the most ive ever done, and i don't count it fully either. i kissed a girl on her hand too but still, that doesn't count in my books. nobody ever had the "it's okay to be gay" talk with me but they never had the "being gay is a sin" either. it just sat uncomfortably in the room. all the pins and homemade flags were just pretty colours opposed to something with significance in this world. ive tossed the majority of the relics besides a pin i bought when i had a sense of freedom for the first time but that's about it at most. we still haven't talked about it, and we don't intend on it either.

i remember my mom watching a tv programme with me, her eyes flickering towards me whilst saying "i don't get why people come out. i get where she was coming from, as if it was natural, but she was also the figure who never brought up these sort of conversations. the woman who made me feel a sense of crushing burden when i felt a sense of anger. i just shrugged it off, and never gave my views on the matter. i think if i had the confidence, i would have said something along the lines of "it's because we live in a society where showing who you really are needs courage".

i think i did tell her i was pansexual when i was younger too, this was during a mist of things where id say random bullshit to them as a joke, hoping they'd want to linger nearby. i haven't said a word yet.

gender was another thing that puzzled me, which still does. i never really thought much about it, i just thought you were female, male, or non-binary. that's it. no more options, just three buttons and you could click one. i used to lie awake, my mind thinking about issues for me to go 'holy shit am i trans??' which obviously still happens; why would i be writing this out otherwise? i dipped into being demigirl to nonbinary to immediately agender and i sort of sat there, sticking a label on it like they have to me with other diagnoses. i go from wanting big tits and being the epitome of feminine beauty to wanting to have top surgery and going by a new name. i know gender is a spectrum, but some part of me knows everyone around me wouldn't accept me, thinking im more mentally ill than i am.

i don't know why i decided to type this out either. maybe to give myself clarity instead of chastising myself for what's happened in my world.

ive only ever dated afabs. one cis. one somewhere between demigirl and nonbinary and the other transmasc. i know i hurt them one way or another, and so did they. i speak to one of them a few times now and again but for the other two, i apologised to one of recent and it's stuck to my mind. the other i fucked up so bad it hurts to look into a mirror. i think amabs scare me and i don't know why. i attach myself to older guys in films and loosely to other people, remarrying shane in stardew over and over again. one minute i have a preference and then it drastically changes.

my friend once said that people who are lgbtqia+ must have some evolutionary default in them, which i believe heavily. i have autism and probably some other stuff undiagnosed (my autism is clinically diagnosed yall) so that checks out. i saw a survey a while back that most people who are lgbtqia+ are diagnosed professionally or self with something along the lines of adhd, autism, and other mental disorders. but that's all we are. disordered motions, grasping onto conclusion.

maybe one day i will find somebody and it will make perfect sense. maybe i won't find anybody. for now, i know that i can only try, and when i try i collapse in tears wondering why nobody likes me.

#lgbtqia #lgbtq community #questioning #vent post #rambles #discovery #BuzzFeed gay quiz #AM I GAY OR SOMETHING?? #AM I TRANS OR SOMETHING?????? #I SHOULD PROAOBLY STOP OVERTJING RAHHHHHK

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ITS FRIENDLY PUDDLE WATER

gusy i put too much soy sauce in the rice 😭😭

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put some puddle water into it. no it won't help but atleast you can say that you once ate puddle water/soy sauce rice one time!!

gusy i put too much soy sauce in the rice 😭😭

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i could name so so so many fictional characters this goes for, so he's a small but dedicated list *deep inhale*

isaac from cbs ghosts

captain from bbc ghosts

literally everyone from stardew valley

bob belcher from bobs burgers (OKAY JUST WATCH TURKEY IN A CAN)

david from camp camp

cuckoo from cuckoo

the entirety of wattpad

myself

the list is on the said husband, not the other way around. love yall

margaret adams

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WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HEREEEEE I DONT BELONG HEREEEE

because i’m a creep,,,, im a weirdo,,,,,

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me: hey do you like penguins? i have some theory-

him: you wanna go to the same college/university and have dogs??

#the fuck #penguins #he said the baby ones are cute which is fsir enough #ufhshfhj in so sleepy damnnnnn

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ITS STARDEW VALLEY'S VERY OWN SHANE'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ahhh this was super fun, thanks for the tagggg!!<3

ignore the distinct lack of shoes, i maybe perhaps forgot??

@20doll @pinkbumblebees @danvstheworld :tagging

Hey, I’m doing a picrew chain!

Here’s mine!

@kamala-msmarvel-khan @supermilkshakebanana @mylifeingotham @thatspiderguyfromyt

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GONNA THROW MY EMOTIONS INTO THE TUMBLR VOID!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure if I'm not using the app properly. I never got into it during the mid 2010's or anything, rather during 2021 summer, during a period of time where I wouldn't leave my room besides emergencies. I used it mainly for a replacement of Pinterest - gazing at fan stuff for my hyperfixations - and continue to this day in that way. I never posted anything, maybe tossed a ball back and forth between a friend of mine.

Anyway. Here. If you like socially awkward (not socially anxious online) people, then hey. Perfect fit.

ANYWAY PT2: I feel different mentally. Back when I first joined, I wouldn't leave my room. Now I can't go into it. I had to swap rooms with a sibling due to how many bad memories would flock each night. It's still the same case. I still struggle to fathom the right words for what it is. I used to wanna do a "Stardew Valley Shane 6-hearts" sort of moment but now... I don't know? It's an option, subconsciously sat in the back of my mind, sure, I just couldn't bring myself to it. I'm riddled with fear about the future, near and far. Hah. That's me for you. I'll open up for a split second, then change the subject the moment I realise I've let others in.

I don't know! I never typically use grammar in sentences when typing, unless it's something important or it's fanfic writing.

Goodnight.

#vent post #rambles #vent #stardrw valley shane six hearts

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ive been a bit of a fan of curveball since the early days (a bit meaning this has brainrotted me<3) n sudjsjdj it's so bittersweet that it's ended :( man i loved this

Curveball finale! 😭

#zekina #bobs burgers #zekina bobs burgers #xjduuxjskska

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they did everybody so dirty in the deh novel like?? still haunts me.

i hate the deh novel

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just slowly realising that i haven't posted anything on here in a solid year (and myself purging it all by deleting every single ounce) sooo i wanna introduce myself??

im alice :) i live in the uk, i have pda autism and im pretty chill otherwise. i mainly use tumblr for bobs burgers stuff, sdv stuff, musical stuff and whatever niche hyperfixation i decide to have that day. i also really like simon bird's work.

anyway- that's about it?? im not that interesting, clearly shown here. im just trying to make it through the day without feeling the need to curl up in a ball.

so yeahhhh :) feel free to interact with me at any point. im basically up for conversation (within reason!!) so yeah!!

also please, please, PLEASE, don't interact if you're obnoxiously racist, homophobic, ableist, etc. or just keep it to yourself. this is a safe space for literally whoever needs it.

yeah!!<3

#intro post #god help us all #stardew valley #bobs burgers #musicals #im so awkard its obnoxious #i just spelt awkward wrong i cant be bothered fixing that