do rocks get thirsty?
a million miles tread from the lands which were plentiful now littered with rocks
are they thirsty?
beneath each step another moment of pain
a chance to slip into the calm creek waters
and bleed amidst the brook
but are the rocks thirsty?
i go about each day with lessons and knowledge and teachings pouring out my ears
but i do not know if the rocks are thirsty
i imagine they are
no mouth to scream and no eyes to cry
alone and unwavering
drink
drink so that i may be satisfied
become unto life
for the pillars of salt by my side
a misery
i think of my dad when i do the dishes
i remember every time i turn on the water
how he'd tell me that it should sting
but not burn
and he'd continue on, red in the face
double-check, rewash, hand dry and
put it away, now
now
now
right now
and i stare in the sink
the dirt is plenty
it coats my fingers and i shudder
now i am scared to do the dishes
it piles up upon itsself
a mockery of fragility
i too am red in the face
in the mirror
where i echo my father's lessons
as it rakes it's claws upon the back of man
each talon digging deeper
the wind is harsh today
it cuts my cheek but i do not bleed
i wonder if i will have time to ponder the wind
i'm writing a musical based on the works of poe and i wanted to share a snippet of a song that takes place towards the beginning
this is in the style of a sea shanty okie tyvm goodbyeeeeee
anabell lee
by the sea i see a maiden
whose eyes rival the stars
the ocean swaying softly as i hear her gentle calls
i say
oh my anabell lee
my sweetest seraphim out by the sea
oh my anabell lee
i curse the gods that took you 'way from me
the annihilation of one thing is the annihilation of all Things
mankind's path to extinction
began the moment we learned to take bread
from our brother's hands
when the cries in the night echo our own
and we see upon ourselves a sickly veil
the space between the waves and the shore
eons apart
i have seen blood amongst the bone
i have seen carnage atop the wreckage
where?
where am i to plant my hope?
a husk of a man
withered from the sale of products he makes at a rate in which he cannot earn
bitter are his calloused hands
but strong is his rage
and like a dog forgotten by the shed
a monstrous fence imposing his view
he bites at his chain
he claws deeper into his flesh
until enough is removed to slip free
and he does not climb the fence
and he does not tear through the fence
he instead stares viciously
ferrociously
as he grits his fangs
licks his maw
and bows his head
to rest upon his lead
warm in the center
cool around the edges
that's how the wind feels today
like a big straw
and the hole in the middle is all the warm
and the plastic of the straw is the cold
that's how it feels
and that's how it feels when it plays with my hair
and shuffles my clothes
and when it pushes me higher and higher on the swings
it's warm in the center
and cool around the edges
and i'm a lot like the wind, i think
i mean
i think we have a lot in common
and with the breath in my lungs i will
fuck up
i will yell
and complain
i will shout and cry
sob, even
but i will use it
i'll be damned if i do not use it
when will my tongue stop lashing out
so that i may lick my wounds
if my teeth could stop gnashing
for a moment
i may smile
and say thanks
and say grace
i might bite the sweetest of plums
staining my lips with juice not blood
if i hold my breath
if i empty my lungs with the most guttural of screams
will i feel understood
or simply heard
the words i speak are garbled
twisted in concurrency
will i survive myself
some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.
i remember
wishing so ruthlessly
to be desired as my friends were desired
to be obsessively longed for
sought out
i wanted to be hollered at from across the street
i wanted to be groped
to be harrassed
i thought
it might mean i'm desirable
worthy of intrigue
i was thirteen
i quickly realized how disgusting my need for attention was
how perverse my wish for admiration could be
how easily i had forgotten all the times i had been poked already
prodded like cattle amidst the shit and hay
it's been fourteen years
i have been through so much and yet
not enough
my stories pale in comparison to those i hold dear
because i do not tell them
i carry within me a guilt so vile
so wretched and depraved
for ever hoping to be 'loved'
there was never desire
or lust
or longing
only pioneering
colonizing
pillaging
and my ignorant, foolish self
who had barely learned to feed my own body
used to crave for other men to nourish the hole in my chest
the abyss in my stomach has swallowed more and more and more
i am full
of desire
of attention
and validation i wear on my coat with remorse
fourteen years
and it only took me one to realize just how deep the cut from my upbringing was
a gash left pouring out
praying anyone would see my guts upon the floor
scoop them, tenderly
hold them
and eviscerate me like the love i know does