edgarsexorcist

[edgarsexorcist]

“Let me glimpse inside your velvet bones”

— Edgar Allen Poe

[edgarsexorcist]

The Patriotic Raven: Edgar Allen Poe in a Nutshell

In the shadows behind Vlad stood a depressed, tired-looking man. His complexion was pale like lifeless marble. His nose was wrenched down like the beak of a raven, and for once, he wasn't speaking. There was a ruggedness about him that most Europeans did not exert.

“Edgar,” Leonardo da Vinci recalled his name from the party, jutting his chin in the wiry man’s direction. “You have a pessimistic look to you.”

“Thank you.”

“American?”

“Yes.”

“Ah.” Leo nodded. That sounded right.

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[edgarsexorcist]

A Writer and His Skull (pt. 1)

Vampiric historical figures Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, and Vlad II indulge in grammar lessons and skeletal remains.

Word Count: 693

The trio arrived at the Avenue du Colonel Henri RolTanguy. The entrance was flanked by two long, imposing diamonds. A plaque was settled atop the arch.

“What’s it say?” Edgar asked Vlad.

Vlad glanced warily at his companions before he spoke, “It says, ‘stop! This is the empire of death!’”

“With explanation points?” Edgar asked.

Vlad glared at him. “Yes.”

“Why do you ask?” Woolf said out loud, to Vlad’s explicit chagrin.

“For context. Every time Vlad speaks, his voice stays monotone the entire way through. Like a long, splintered pane of wood.” Edgar replied.

Vlad glared. “After you, Edgar.”

“Don't mind if I do! If you couldn't tell, that last sentence ended with an explanation point! That is how they’re supposed to be used!” Edgar straightened his tailcoat as he walked beneath the macabre sign. He ignored the chill that settled in his bones when he passed through.

Woolf came next, hesitant. “What is this place again?”

“The French are quite a fashionable folk,” Edgar called to her over his shoulder, “The city of the living is above us. Here, underneath their very feet, are the catacombs of their dead. The passageways are wound beneath all of Paris. Suitable, isn't it?”

“I suppose...I have the feeling that we’re not supposed to be here,” Woolf’s voice sounded soft.

“We’re not,” Vlad agreed further down the line, “Stay together. And don't insult the emperor.”

“Gerald would’ve liked this place,” Edgar heard Woolf mumble, making a small smirk form on his lips.

The ceiling was low, and the walls of the narrow corridor were made of human skulls. Every few feet, Edgar would tap a head, just to feel the dusty bone beneath, a substance barely touched by the living. It was good inference for his writing, if he ever wanted to write about how dusty bone felt to the fingertips. It certainly had a musky scent.

One of the skulls he passed shuddered and fell from it's spot on the wall.

“Oh. Hello,” Edgar paused at the sight, and bent down to pick it up. “Sick of listening to the same wall of skulls, eh?”

“Won't you put it down?” Vlad remarked from further down the hall.

Edgar looked over at him, feigning outrage. “Absolutely not! Why, he probably wanted to join us! It's very lonely down here. We can't just leave him.”

“Edgar, it's a lifeless human skull. It's part of a corpse. Just put it back where you found it.”

“No,” Edgar held the skull closer. “I like him. I want to keep him.”

“How do you know it's a him? It could be a her,” Woolf replied.

“Finally, someone is showing an interest,” Edgar tutted at Vlad as the two stopped where he was. Edgar held up the human skull for all to see.

“Does it seem female to you, Vlad?” Edgar replied.

“It seems like it's part of a CORPSE!”

“You used an explanation point correctly! I could tell that time!”

Without comment, Vlad continued down the hall, wearing a face that looked like he was doomed on this earth. Edgar continued walking next to Woolf.

“How can you tell gender from skulls?” Woolf wondered.

“No idea. What a brilliant question, I suppose we could treat the skull as androgenous for now,” Edgar held out the skull between them, facing their way as they walked. “What name suits them?”

Edgar was tempted to name it after his passed wife, or his former fiancee, but it was rude to assume the gender of the poor, unassuming skull. He could name it after Vlad, but then the skull wouldn't last very long.

“Hmm...if we want to stay androgynous, we could name them after a place,” Woolf replied. “Names of places seem to be used interchangeably.”

“Excellent. What’s the name of your favorite city?”

“Jaipur. It’s in India, my mother was born in that country.”

“Jaipur...I think it suits them!” Edgar tapped the head of the skull with his finger. “What do you think, good fellow…? I think they like it!”

“EDGAR, GET A MOVE ON!”

“Coming! There you go with those explanation points again, Vladdie! Jaipur is so impressed!”

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